#i can't eat well because im always anxious

[piercethewon]

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[dekuneho]

needy ☆ ( prohero!katsuki x fem!reader ) mdni | 18+ — katsuki's kink is probably you asking for it; katsuki has a filthy mouth im sorryyy 1.7k

You're usually not the first to initiate this. Sex. Katsuki doesn't worry about failing to get what he wants, not like how you are right now. He's vociferous — "Can I fuck you, baby?" and you'd melt against him so easily because you fell for Bakugou Katsuki for that reason.

You can't do that. You don't know how to approach him with the same effortlessness and not get swallowed up whole by the urge to flee before you can even get a word out. It's not for the fear of rejection but for how bare you'd be asking for it. Sex.

Katsuki, of course, notices your restlessness for the entire evening. He doesn't say anything about it at first, not even while you eat together and you can't seem to meet him in the eyes, or how you don't join him in the shower unlike always, or even how you sit on the edge of the bed like there's steam blowing out your ears.

"Spit it out," Katsuki says, his back pressed against the headboard. "Look at me."

You clutch at your chest, bringing attention to the unsteady thumping of your heartbeat. You rip your gaze off the floor and instead gravitate to Katsuki's biceps bulging from the press against his chest.

You swallow a pathetic noise, reminded of what exactly you've been needing from your boyfriend.

You tear your eyes away from his arms and meet an arched, pale eyebrow. Assessing. How is this so hard? You can't even bring yourself to choke out a "pleasefuckme" because Katsuki makes you feel like some freshman asking for some hand-holding in the hallway.

It's embarrassing to be years in a relationship with Katsuki, but you're so attracted to him that asking to be fucked feels the same as asking him out.

It's Katsuki's expression that cracks the fragile atmosphere. He has his brows pinched in a crease that wrinkles his forehead. His face doesn't betray anything else, but you're well-versed in Katsuki to understand that he is just as nervous as you are. Anxious.

"It's nothing bad," you assure him, guilt aching in your chest. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ignore you."

Katsuki eases just an inch. He clicks his tongue and looks away. "Could've sworn otherwise."

As terrible as that sounds, how Katsuki is just as affected as you are invertedly calms you down. Whatever happens, you know Katsuki will be honest with you.

Clinging onto the last shred of your dignity, you crawl over pillows and settle on Katsuki's lap. Hovering.

His confusion overtakes his worry, hands instinctively reaching out to your waist. "What—"

"Katsuki," you begin, and his breathing halts in anticipation. Tentatively, barely there, you roll your hips over his, fluttering in delight when his cock swells with growing interest, and you can feel it, right there, separated by layers—

"Fuck," he hisses through his teeth, heated hands moving to your ass. "You..."

"Please," it tumbles out your mouth so nicely. "I've been thinking about it a lot lately." Shame burns on your cheeks, watching as his dick stirs. Intrigued. "And you haven't been — giving it. Lately."

"That what it is?" he asks quietly, almost in disbelief. "Needed me to fill you up?"

There's no better way to say it.

When you look up from where you two meet, Katsuki's pupils have dilated so wide that there's barely a trace of red. It speaks of a promise: I'll give it to you. Air closes around your throat, thighs twitching. He feels it, too.

"Been hurtin', weren't you?" he says, sounding untamed as he breathes it over your ear, inciting a full-body shiver. "Been needin' it bad? M'sorry. Didn't mean to neglect you, sweetheart."

"Katsuki," you gasp brokenly.

"Mm." He kisses your jaw, sucks on it, hands catching on the drawstring of your sweatpants, pulls on it. You lift your thighs. Soon enough, you're fully bare waist-down. "So fuckin' hot, asking for me to fuck you like that. Shit, I'm gonna be dreamin' about that for months."

He proves his interest by grinding up your thigh. You whine, feeling it from the back of your throat. You need him so badly. You barely notice that you're still rubbing yourself against him until there's a wet patch over his sweatpants.

"Hold still, sweetheart."

Katsuki dips a finger where you're unsurprisingly wet. He rubs where he knows you're sensitive the most, the slick of your arousal making the friction so good. Your back arches and Katsuki's cooing, coaxing each noise out with his fingers and the filth from his mouth.

"You're already wet," he says, pupils as dark as his voice.

"Don't tease," you manage to choke out, gripping the front of his shirt. "I already — ah — prepped myself. I needed you to fuck me last week."

Katsuki stills, his eyes flicking from your cunt to your needy expression, then curses under his breath.

"Fuck, fuck," he says. "Fuck you. You have no idea how hard it'll be to go out on patrol when I'm thinkin' about you talkin' dirty like that."

Embarrassment floods your entire body. "Don't say it like that, asshole. And focus on your patrol! Don't let your dick distract you from the villains!"

Katsuki shuts you up by sliding the roughness of his palm over your heat, pulling a whimper that makes him grin. "They're the distraction. Never you. Thinkin' about you all the time — this, all the time."

"Pervert," you say, but you're moving your hips along his hand.

Katsuki laughs once, pulling you off his hips, only for him to pull his sweatpants down by his knees. "Who was the one beggin' for it?"

You can't bring yourself to think of something witty. The sight of him hard in front of you has you robbed of incoherent thought.

Katsuki knows it. He's seen that look on your face time and time again — know only he can do that to you. "Let me make it up to you, yeah? Let me fill you up the way you'd been cravin'."

He's so embarrassing with that mouth. It's a wonder why you're whining louder, getting wetter.

"You want it," Katsuki says, leaning back against the headboard. "Baby, you wanted this, didn't you? Take what you want from me."

You may be the one on top of him, but you've never felt all the more embarrassed, giving him a full view of how wet you are for him just by thinking about it. It drips. Yet you find yourself too needy to complain, not wanting to waste the opportunity he's giving.

"Okay," you say, lifting your hips up enough for him to watch yourself lining up above him.

And does he watch, eyes wild. You may be the one to initiate this, but he's the one looking desperate for it. Like he can't bring himself to wait a second longer before burying himself in you. He's big. You might've stretched yourself open, yet it'd take a while for you to accommodate his size again after days without it. So you only take him in inch by inch, impressed by how Katsuki screws his eyes shut, keeping himself from moving.

"Fuck," you both say in tandem.

You shudder, feeling so full in a way you've been itching for. You can barely resist your eyes rolling to the back of your head when you feel him twitch inside you. Katsuki's not fairing any better, fingers digging in your hips, some noise close to a whine by the back of his throat. The thought of him leaving marks when you've been so bare of it for too long has you clenching around him. He groans, unable to help himself from thrusting up. You share a gasp.

You tremble, feeling boneless and restless simultaneously. "Katsuki. Katsuki—”

You're not entirely sure what you're trying to say, only that Katsuki understands.

"I know," he says, sounding just as winded. "Wanted it, too, you don't even know."

At his muttering, you find yourself fucking against him, chasing the pleasure his words are giving you. You missed this badly. Nights when he had evening patrol and you were achingly empty were the worst; you couldn't complain, but you've wanted to hide Katsuki from the world and keep him to you for too long. Your wrists ache at the reminder — they were never as good as this.

Your answering moan is loud in your mouth, hips gaining speed. He reaches far deeper than you can even try. He knows it.

"Yeah? Your fingers not enough, ain't it?" Katsuki says, rolling his hips up when you slam down, gaze hot as you tremble above him. "Look at you, baby. So wet and hot. You're making a mess. Needed it that bad?"

"Yes. Please, please," you can only say. You feel yourself losing strength as your climax slowly reaches for you.

"Fuck," he exhales, and thankfully uses those years of upper body strength training to help you ride him — where it nearly feels as if you're barely exerting any effort. Sweat trails down his jaw, his eyes ravaging the sight of you swallowing him up every thrust. "You — needed me to fill you up like this, huh?"

"Katsuki, I—” You want to look away, shame filling your insides. It's unfair that Katsuki is so attractive that just looking at him makes you surrender so easily. "I think I'm close. Katsuki, I can't—"

"Hah," Katsuki twitches, breath seizing. "Yeah? You gonna give it t'me, baby? Come on. Know you can. Show me how good I make you feel."

Tears well up in your eyes. This position has him reaching so deep inside that after this, you know you'll miss how you can feel him in there, like he's branding himself in your body, staking a claim where no one else can see. But they'd know. On the bruises on your hips, the marks all over your neck, how you're chanting Katsuki's name and—

Katsuki kisses you deeply when you spill, his own release following along like just seeing you gets him every time. You moan fully in his mouth, always surrendering.

"Thank you," you sigh against him.

Katsuki snorts, massaging shapes into the sides of your hips. "You know I'll always want it more than you. Don't gotta thank me for that."

[lloydmustache]

He's such a loser to me now. All of my favorite celebs are crashing and burning this year 😭

IMO, Everything we see is in the contract. He isn't married, and he feels bad about lying. I know it eats at him that people in HW know he pulled this embarrassing stunt. He's ashamed, that's why he's hiding. At least disable all of your SM after your true love's bday. I was expecting another photo dump for his true love. He's embarrassed about team real vs. team PR. He's embarrassed that his life has been outlined and that magazines and gossip blogs, basically anyone, can read and refer back to everything on tumblr. He's embarrassed about being called a creep. I agree with the anon about Chris being timid.

But, why on earth would anyone settle with a person who is willing to post nudes for more fame. And he's private. She pulled a Kim K. When that happened, I thought, "damn, she would do anything for fame." Like all these influencers and youtubers. Those are the worst kinds of people imo. It wasn't a fit. She and her friends followed sugar baby pages that had him as a target. She had someone randomly 'spot' them at WDW, and all of that screams, "I can't be trusted." He took control of the narrative because he hates being filmed or photographed without his knowledge. She made moves he wasn't aware of. He calls his own people for staged photos. She changed all of her interests to his as well. He sees right through it. I truly believe none of his circle likes her. Including his family. I wouldn't want my son/brother with a girl who researched him and changed her personality to fit what he likes. That's a wolf in sheeps clothing. If he did spend alone time with her, he's probably anxious about her talking about their relationship. So this is transactional, make her famous to get her on her merry way. But now he looks sketchy chasing 20 something year olds in his 40s, which I learned is a pattern for him. His actions and words go against all his Im LIkE StEvE ROgErs bs. If none of this went down, he would still be on his high horse talking shit about Trump, chiming in on the war, and spouting more fake activist bs. But no, he's hiding because of this mess. And it doesn't help that she looks like a minor. The optics are horrible.

Her friends are always around. Like chaperones. Even in NYC, did they have to be present if she was with her "husband"? They are never alone. I know the NDA's are ironclad. He does not trust any of them. This is karma, he reaped and now he's sowing.

I wouldn't dare want to be with anyone who loves clout and morphed into my perfect soulmate after looking me up, like who even is that person really? I couldn't sleep next to someone with two faces. He's stupid for sure, but he's smart enough to be sitting at home alone with dodger while she's in her home country. He loses so much sleep over this, he even stated that his anxiety kicks in at bedtime. Oh well.

I don't think they're together, because all of this reads PR. But it doesn't matter now. His actions are repulsive to me. I can no longer be a fan. Im not watching his interviews or movies. When I see him, I keep scrolling.✌️

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[theygotbitchesinmedia]

ask dump

i have a couple dozen unanswered asks on this blog, most of which i believe are media recommendations, so i'm going to go through those now in a batch!

if you haven't seen it already We Are Lady Parts would be a fantastic recommendation for this blog. I started it last week and really love it. It's about a struggling punk Muslim girls band who recruit the extremely anxious, goody-two-shoes Amina to be their lead guitarist. It balance its moments of drama really well with the comedy and all of the women in the band get to be deeply weird in different and endlessly charming ways. My favorite is Amina because of her very relatable habit to have elaborate silly daydreams about anything and everything. Good show with some really good women!

I've heard good things about this one! Adding it to the list

I can't remember if you take recs for things in progress or not but the webtoon Katlaya Rising is currently the high point of my week, the art style POPS and it is jam-packed with girls and girls who love girls

I will always read things in progress 👍 I honestly in some ways prefer getting into stuff before it's finished. Like an animal with one of those food bowls that stops you from eating too fast. Added to the list.

Please read Villain Initialization!!!! The female characters are really good!!!!!!!!!

Looking at the cover and description for this one it seems like most of the female cast is gonna be side characters. i'll add it to the list but itll probably be reallllly back burner unless someone wants to go to bat hard for it and sway me

if youre taking recommendations bittersweet con panna is a cute yuri manhwa and hacks is an insane tvshow about millenial comedy writer who got cancelled on twitter and a beautiful old standup comic about to lose her vegas residency.

added both! never heard of bittersweet con panna but my sister has been going really hard for hacks and i feel like i owe it to her to watch that sooner rather than later because of all the media im always trying to force onto her

"Kevin Can F*** Himself" on AMC is fantastic and has some really interesting female protags, I recommend. Might be a similar vibe to On Becoming a God in Central Florida actually!

Already on the list!

i'd like to second the rec for no home, probably one of the greatest webtoons of all time

one moth ago anon i can safely say you were correct about this it is certainly one of the greatest webtoons of all time. i do think its not really About women but i get why you all wanted me to read it enough to push it

@whatasmoothgardener Reccing a short manga I've been reading recently called Is Kichijoji the Only Place to Live. Its a manga about twin girls who run a small real estate company in Tokyo from the POV of their clients. It has a unique art style, its female character focused, and it teaches you about the different places in Tokyo. However its kinda episodic.

I don't mind episodic at all. Cool to see female manga protags who arent stick thin! added to the list

@phoenixfangs i got into a webtoon the other day called nevermore and considered recommending it to u, but i second guessed myself like oh what if its not worth recommending and its stupid actually, BUT i had a dream last night that u were talking about it so i think i have to at least put it on ur radar, if it isnt already xD what happens if u take edgar allen poe stories and make it about lesbians? u get the webtoon nevermore ❤️ theres an actual Plot to it too im not trying to sell it based on tropes, i just cant describe it better than the actual synopsis/description on webtoon, so id say its worth a glance!

At first glance i'm not sure how to my personal tastes this owuld be but i feel like i have maybe been unfairly biased against popular webtoons in that front. added to the list !

@counttwinkula listen i know your "media to get around to" list is forever long but i reread the haunting of hill house (the book) for my podcast and eleanor and theodora just. won't stop touching each other. some of the most classic toxic yuri imo. also the 1963 film adaptation (the haunting) is so good

ill always appreciate a horror recommendation from one of my learned Horror Mutuals. added both!

if it changes anything, you can find the main stories of arknights and limbus company here and here respectively without downloading the game: [retcons dot github dot io slash limbus-storylogs] [akgcc dot github dot io slashcc slash story dot html hashtag main] (sorry it wont let me send links) i totally understand if u think its too much trouble, but i do think both games have very good female characters

I'm sorry... i just cant go down this road.... it's a path i'm not willing ot walk. if i was going to read the stories for a gacha game i wasn't playing i would just go read shoujo kageki revue starlight re:LIVE. which i havent been able to make myself do. so its just not gonna end up happening

have you heard of tangle tower… it’s a relatively short murder mystery click and point game about two families & their secrets. the art is gorgeous + the game is fully voiced, and the protagonist + his assistant have a dynamic that reminds me of the classic ace attorney ‘lawyer + weird girl’ duos. the majority of the cast are women, and the game features some of the Girls Of All Time. highly recommend, esp since you’re an ace attorney fan

Added to the list!

if you’re trying to flesh out the book section, i’d like to recommend three parts dead by max gladstone! admittedly it’s been a hot second since I’ve read it so i can’t speak on the quality of the writing itself, but the plot and the worldbuilding had some interesting stuff. the novel follows tara, a necromancer in a world where doing magic is more akin to being a lawyer, who’s hired to resurrect a god. the book is the first in a series, and the books that follow have some other interesting female protagonists + canonical queer women if you enjoy it o7

Sounds neat! Added to the list

ok i still have some more from back in fucking April that i didnt manage to get to. but im getting distracted now

[dannystheone]

for some reason i cant see what im tying LMAO so apologies for any typos 😖 ANYWAY i love your fics sm ur so talented!! i was wondering if i could req a creek fic, maybe w tweek trying to work up the courage to tickle craig back since he keeps getting got. thanks! :) (this is literally a black screen for me idek what ive written lmao)

No you're good I hear you loud and clear! And thank you for the compliment! I love an excuse to write more precious boys :)) I hope you don't mind that I turned this into an Imp!Tweek and Pastor!Craig fic, I tried toying around with other ideas for the boys but this was really interesting to me.

ALSO THIS IS MY 30TH FICTION ON THIS WEBSITE I GOT TO WRITE FOR YOU GUYS!!

One Movie At A Time? (Lee Pastor!Craig/ Ler Imp!Tweek)

WARNINGS: Kids swearing! And kind of a long intro sorry teehee

Imp Tweek discovers what tickling is for the first time and Pastor Craig is his (un)fortunate victim!

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"Thanks, Father Maxi. I'll see you next Sunday, then." A young apprentice to the pastor of a local church exited an ornate office. Craig closed the wooden door behind him and shuffled along the cheap carpet of the hallway. Cables and printers lined the wall as he entered the nave and felt the chill of the empty church. The dust filled his nose as he walked up the steps to the altar.

The day was winding down, the golden glow of the evening shone through the stained glass windows. Patterns reflected off Craig's face as he knelt before the altar and mumbled a quick prayer. A certain character in his life he's been keeping quiet about was in his mind as he turned around and walked down the aisle of the church.

"Sardines...chocolate milk...ice cream...coffee...and shampoo. Why is he eating the shampoo again-" Craig read through the grocery list that was sent to him by his 'roommate' as he left the church and walked outside. How a pastor in training became roommate to a spawn of the devil was unbeknownst to him. Was it some sort of cosmic work of irony? At this point, it might as well be.

Craig had summoned an imp who he nicknamed 'Tweek' due to the imp taking the body of an anxious local boy in town for his host. Craig had never met the boy before he had the imp in his body, but his consciousness didn't weigh on him too much because of it. The imp himself was mischievous and cunning, while the personality of the boy still shone through. So Pastor Craig has an anxious ball of nerves experiencing the world for the first time on his hands while still dealing with school and pastor apprenticeship. He was lucky if he got three hours of sleep a night.

Craig walked through his front door and removed the clerical collar around his neck. "Tweek, Tweek I'm home! Come get the groceries." Craig called out. Craig heard feet pounding on his wooden floorboards and turned around to see the imp behind him.

The imp had taken the boy's form, with his golden mess of hair and ocean-blue eyes. He had kept his devilish horns and long red tail, however. That was always fun to conceal while in public and not a chore at all.

"GAH! Craig! I-I thought you were intruders! You can't do that to me, man! I just watched this movie called 'The Strangers' and they come in your home and kidnap you! GAHAH! I can't be kidnapped, I can't be!!" Are you sure you're an imp from hell... Craig wanted to ask. But he kept his mouth shut and walked into the kitchen with the grocery bags; Tweek following close behind.

"Don't worry Tweek, that was a movie. It's not for real. Here, I got the stuff you asked for. Do not eat the shampoo again." Craig passed over a grocery bag to Tweek across the kitchen island. Tweek hopped up on a stool, his tail waving slowly at the thought of fake movies. He winked in thought.

"B-But at the beginning of the movie, it read 'Based on true events'! ERK! What if something happens to us, and Hollywood makes a movie of us? Which actor will play me? They won't get my hair right! That is WAY too much pressure!!" Tweek's tail curled up as he hugged his can of sardines. Craig huffed as he turned around to place groceries in the cabinets.

"I can assure you Tweek, you're the least exciting thing to happen to this town. A movie will be made about an alien invasion, or mecha Barbra Streisand, or that imaginary characters exist-" Tweek started hiding his face and pulling at his hair.

"GAH! Those are things that happen in this town?! Why is it so chaotic?! Even Hell was more organized than this!" Tweek pulled on his horns while Craig leaned against the kitchen island.

"Well, sometimes those things happen. But mostly it's just a small town in snowy mountains. People live their daily lives here and make something of themselves. They have kids and buy houses and go to school, just like normal." Craig shrugged as Tweek started to calm down a little.

"Oh...alright. Urgh...I still have a lot to learn. I didn't think above-ground would be so confusing!" Tweek winked out of anxiety as he followed Craig into the living room to watch TV. Craig plopped on the couch and put his feet up after a long day. Tweek silently sat next to him, his tail waving in the air.

"Well, you're getting the hang of it. The remote control, anyway. How do I put parental supervision on this thing-" Craig messed around with the buttons on the remote as he switched the channel by accident. He looked up to the TV and just as quickly set his gaze back down to the remote, while Tweek continued to watch. Two cartoon characters were in the middle of a field rolling on top of each other. Were they rolling? Or fighting? It didn't look like either. Tweek winked at the TV and pulled on his shirt.

"Hey...hey Craig?" Tweek looked to Craig. Craig jerked his chin up in Tweek's direction while still fiddling with the remote. "Uh- urgh- what are they doing on the TV?" Tweek pointed to the characters on screen.

"Oh crap, did I change it to Cinemax on accident-" Craig was expecting to see something inappropriate on screen, but it was just two characters tickling each other. "Oh, they're just playing."

"It-It doesn't look like playing!" Tweek pulled on his shirt as he watched one character scribble his fingers all over his friend's tummy. The other character laughed in an animated fashion. It wasn't anything Tweek had ever seen before since he's been above ground. Craig quirked his lip as he sunk deeper in the couch to fiddle with the remote.

"Yeah, they're playing. They're tickling each other. It's a kid's game." Craig yawned and kept messing with the damn remote while Tweek was still curious.

"T-Tickling? What's that? Urgh- How do you play?" Craig's cheeks blushed a bit as he threw the remote to the side. He couldn't figure out where to find parental controls on the damn thing.

"Uh...there's not really any rules to it Tweek, you just kinda play, I guess." Ugh, this was on par with the birds and the bees talk they had last week in terms of embarrassment. "Humans are sensitive if you touch them a certain way in a certain place, 'cause of our nervous systems. Some people are really sensitive or not sensitive at all. Our bodies are different from each other. People tickle other people to see them laugh." Craig explained. Tweek held his fingers while he tried to process this confusing human game.

"So what's your body like Craig? ERK! Are-are you sensitive? If you're sensitive do people just come up to you randomly to play? That sounds horrible!" Tweek balled his fists in his pants while Craig toyed with a strand of his blue hat.

"No, no. People are usually respectful when people say they don't want to be tickled. But sometimes people ignore it and tickle them anyway. It can be annoying, but some people like it." Craig shrugged again, half-hoping that can be the end of the discussion. Tweek winked as he worked up the courage to ask his next question.

"C-Can I try? I wanna see what it's like." Craig blinked at Tweek blankly while on the inside he was screaming. Why did Tweek have to be so damn curious... But he looked genuinely interested. And Craig couldn't say no to his big blue eyes.

"Uh, I guess. Like I said, every person is different, so don't be surprised if you don't get a huge reaction out of me." Craig laid back on the couch, his midsection suddenly tense. He remembered getting tickled as a kid, but nothing too crazy. And being a pastor in training has taken away his time to participate in normal kid activities as well.

Tweek sat on Craig's jeaned thigh, his tail wagging out of curiosity. "Urgh...okay! I'm just gonna start like how I saw on the TV, 'cause I don't really know what to do-" Tweek was a lot more straightforward than Craig would have thought. Tweek followed the cartoon character's example and started scribbling his fingers in Craig's tummy. His impish traits gave him nails that resembled a woman's acrylics. Craig snorted from the sudden touching and started to squirm and laugh.

"Pffmt- T-Tweeheheek! Hehehey!" Craig giggled, his eyes narrowed in his laughs. His arms rested on his sides, despite his fists being balled up and resisting the urge to cover himself up. Tweek stopped immediately after he heard Craig protest.

"ACK! Craig, are you hurt? Are you dying?! I didn't mean to kill you, man!" Tweek held Craig's shoulder, his tail curling in worry, as Craig shook his head.

"Noho dude, you didn't hurt me at all. It just tickled, that's all." Craig said in his usual monotone voice. Tweek pulled on his tail in thought.

"Oh, so I was doing the right thing!" Tweek beamed and launched back into it before Craig could say anything.

"Yeah, I gue-HESS! Gihihive mehehe a wahaharning first!!" Craig laughed out as Tweek's fingers returned to his belly, the nails on Tweek's hands scritching the skin underneath Craig's black pastor uniform.

Tweek didn't answer. He's never seen Craig look this carefree. Craig's face was alight with his laughter, his cheeks blushed and his eyes squinting in his giggles. It was funny, even though Craig had no control over how he laughed, he still laughed in the same monotone register of voice.

"Does this tickle? Am-Am I doing it right?? Am I tickling you, Craig?" Tweek asked incessantly while his fingers scratched across Craig's tummy and ribs. Craig giggled and shifted all over the couch.

"Yehehes you ahahare! Yohohou're dohohoing ihihit a bihihit too wehehehell!" Craig tried putting his arms over his tummy to hug himself and keep Tweek's fingers away, but Tweek's reflexes were fast. Anytime Craig put his arm in the way, it was immediately set aside by Tweek. It was like he had four hands.

"Huh, this is- ERK! This is weird! You're laughing but nothing's funny! ACK!" Tweek twitched as he pressed his nails down harder into Craig's tummy for a bigger reaction.

"Ow- Ohohow Tweek! Nohohot sohohoho hahahahard!" The pastor called out to the imp. Tweek lessened his nails and kept it to a light scribble.

"Oh, sorry Craig! Like this??" Tweek shook and scribbled his nails over Craig's tummy and waist, his hands suddenly everywhere trying to find all of Craig's spots. Craig burst out in refreshed laughter as he started moving all over the furniture.

"Nohohoho nohohohot like thahahahat! Pffmt- heheheheh!" Craig's ears burned underneath his blue hat. A pastor in training getting tickled to pieces by an imp from hell. Was this biblical in a way, Craig wondered in the back of his head...

"Then how am I supposed to do it? ERK! I've never done this before!" Tweek began to worry. If you tickled someone incorrectly, did they die? How was Tweek supposed to know?? Tweek started using his index fingers and poked into Craig's hips to lessen the tickles even more to see if that helped. Craig's laughter turned heavy as he covered his hips with his hands.

"Gahahahaha! Stohohop thahahat! Tweeheheheek!" Craig tried pushing Tweek's hands away, but Tweek was still quicker than him every time.

"ACK- Sorry Craig, I'm just playing! I'm playing right?" Tweek's ten fingers scratched over Craig's waistline, which would have started to hurt if it weren't for Craig's shirt in the way. The sporadic use of different methods was starting to weigh down on Craig.

"I gue-hehehehehe! Gohoho sohohohomewhere ehehelse!" Craig called out. Tweek freaked out at this, which caused his fingers to go a little haywire.

"GAH! G-Go somewhere else?! Where am I supposed to go?? Just cause I was tickling you I have to leave?! ACK! Tickling is too intense!!" Tweek's fingers gripped Craig's hips in the middle of his freakout.

"NAHAHA-hahahow! I meheheheant ahaha diffeheherent spohohot! Dihihifferent tihihickle spohot!" Craig cried. Tweek didn't think he could have this much control over a man of God cause of something as simple as a child's game. The pastor in training was totally at his mercy...too much pressure.

"Oh-oh right. Uh, how about here?" Tweek moved down from his hips to squishing the tops of his thighs. Craig calmed down almost immediately but kept up a steady stream of giggles.

"Thahat-heeheheh- thahahat's okahahay." Craig rubbed his face with his hands, his body twitching every now and then with Tweek's squishing. Tweek looked up to see Craig's arms were raised and out of the way.

"Hey what's that?" Tweek asked out of the blue and shot up to stuff his hands up Craig's underarms out of curiosity.

"What's what- GOHOD! Hahahahaha stohohohop!" Craig shot his arms down and kept them close to his sides while Tweek's tail wagged in happiness. He was so close to Craig now, he could see his laugh and smile up close. Pastor Craig had blue braces, but Tweek didn't mind. He thought they looked cool. Tweek had never seen face wear like that before. Craig had a pink blush over his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, and his eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed. Tweek's impish heart began to pump.

Craig's worn Converse drug across the couch as he tried to buck off the imp tickling him. A man of God at the mercy of an imp? What would the church think...

"Okahahay! Okay okay okahahay stohohohop stop stop!" Craig pleaded out. Tweek's fingers stilled; Craig's face was pink with residual giggles. "God save me..." Craig passed his hands over his face and steamed into them.

"ACK! Oh-Oh Satan, I didn't hurt you, did I?" Tweek hopped off Craig's waist, his tail twisting in worry. and waited by his side while Craig caught his breath on the couch.

"Ahehee- it's-it's okay Tweek. You didn't hurt me, you're just way more intense than I thought. But uh yeah- that's how you tickle, I guess. Also, you're not watching TV anymore. And don't tell anyone this happened, either." Tweek protested as Craig finally figured out the parental controls and blocked all of the kids channels and scary movies.

"Well, thanks for showing me Craig. Urgh...I thought you were cool." Tweek admitted. Craig blushed, not out of mirth but out of something else.

"Cool? How come?" He asked. Tweek shrugged, the leftover sunlight hitting his eyes.

"Ah, I don't know. You're just...mmph...words..." Tweek held his head in thought as Craig held Tweek's hand. Tweek looked up into Craig's smiling face.

"Thanks, Tweek. You're cool, too."

[signedeclipse]

hi dear, i saw your requests are open so here i am ✨ can i get some Mitsuri x fem!reader (nsfw) in where reader is mitsuri's tsuguko, when the two of them train together there is a bit of tension since reader can't stop watching her (how her boobs bounce about to slip out of his shirt and how her skirts flies) kanroji notices her partner's nervousness and decides to heat things up. I was thinking about a quicky sx scene cause im not feel very comfortable if they are totally naked so could you make them just lift their skirts for touching and unbutton their uniforms? I have made this request before but nobody has written it 😭 so if you write it I would be very grateful to you. Also, both of them are adults.

Ilysm im so happy you're back ❤

Blossoms [Mitsuri X Reader]

Reader is Human Female | NSFW

Recomended Song - Into You by Ariana Grande

The sun poured down on the shinzō estate’s courtyard garden, the very center of it forming a rocky platform where the love hashira and her tsukugo often trained against one another. Throughout the early morning, laughs and the sound of a sword cutting through the air was audible, filling the estate with life that matched the rows of flowers blooming around every corner in different shades of pink. 

You and Mitsuri started your days at home before the sun rose, delving into breakfast and then instant running to the yard to get at your training. When you initially started under her, it was harsh, but now you saw the fun in it as much as he had. When you start your day early and get your blood pumping fast, the rest of the day, you feel energized and prepared for whatever mission is bestowed upon you. 

Like any other day, you were down to just your hakama and typical slayer corps top with a sarashi under in case it tore, slashing towards the love hashira as she blocked every attack, applying force back, so you had to continue pushing. 

“Just like that!” She cheered you on anytime you got things right and giggled when you stumbled over. 

You were much better than when you had first met, having grown from Kanoto to your current rank at Kinoto, with only one more position to climb before you’d be trialing as a hashira. Even then, you always mentioned that you were happy where you were, primarily because if you were to become a hashira, it either meant Mitsuri was dead or demoted. 

Thoughts like that were easy to expel from your head when around the enthusiastic girl, who seemed to make the heat of the sun hotter when she was around, especially during your private training when she was flashing you with practically every move. 

‘Should have listened to me about a new uniform,’ you sighed both from exhaustion and from the memory of telling a bunch of new corps members off because it was a little too windy that day, and Mitsuri’s skirt was acting up. 

Not only did you have to tell them off, but yourself included. If anyone caught you- if SHE caught you staring like that, you’d surely be in trouble for a lifetime. 

“Blossom, are you paying attention?” She asked the question before she tripped you onto your back, already knowing you weren’t in the right mind to save yourself from the fall. She instantly grabbed your wrist, keeping you just inches from the floor. 

“You’re more distracted than usual! Did you eat well enough?” Her strength always outmatched yours, pulling you up into her chest and hugging you to ensure you wouldn’t fall again. 

“Oh! Yes- I mean, of course, I’m okay, Kanroji! Sorry if I worried you!” Compared to her calm care, you were much more of an anxious mess, which only made the hashira laugh more. Of course, you were okay, but she found it funny how you struggled with remaining convincing, even if it was the truth. 

Of course, Mitsuri knew the truth; she didn’t have to look to feel how your eyes practically undressed her every second, how it made her heart flutter knowing you wouldn’t dare lay a finger on her even if you wanted to. The flat of her palm held you against her from between your shoulder blades, her free hand poking the tip of your nose playfully. 

“I think we could use some shade; all this heat must be exhausting!” Without much protest, she was able to walk you back against a sakura tree, enveloped by the shade its beautiful petals provided the two of you, to which you finally looked up and met her eyes. 

“W…what are we doing, Kanroji?” Your voice was a whisper from the fact her face was so close to yours, with barely any room left to share words. 

“Please, my Blossom, let me take care of you…?” Her words dripped with an emotion you could barely read, mixes of love and passion that sent a fluttering feeling into your heart, hands clinging to her uniform and hoping this was not a joke. 

But it wasn’t a joke; Mitsuri would never do this to you for fun. She left a quick kiss on your nose, followed by your cheeks and all over your face until you melted into her arms, sheepishly kissing back when her lips finally locked with your own. Your body was sandwiched between hers and the tree, feeling every way hers moved against yours in the heat of the moment. 

Your breath was shaky when she parted, a deep red having brushed over your cheeks, nodding when Kanroji tilted her head in a questioning glance. 

Her leg snaked between yours, pushing up against your heat ever so slightly through the thick fabric of the pants, hitching your breath at the pleasuring feeling. With her head tilted, she could close in to kiss all along your neck, leaving pink lip gloss marks you likely wouldn’t notice until much later paired with love bites. 

As she listened to your heavy breaths, she enjoyed how your hands moved along her skin, pulling her closer from the small of her back with one hand. At the same time, the other slowly stroked up and down her thigh, wrist pushing the skirt up when your hand ventured higher, circling over her panties right near her clit, sweeping over it once in a while just to feel her tense up. 

The worse your teasing became, the more frequently she would grind her leg into your pussy, the fabric between only worsening the pleasurable feeling to make it all more subtle. The heat grew and blossomed with every second until you couldn’t help slipping a hand into her underwear, dipping the tips of your fingers along the wet of her heat until your fingers were nice and slick, flicking over her clit. 

In what felt like a tangle of love, Mitsuri shakily unbuttoned the uniform top you were wearing, pressing closer with the fabric away as one hand greedily massaged your tits through the sarashi, pushing some of the bandages apart, so she had more access to teasing you. 

“Mitsuri…!” Your shaking voice only persuaded her to keep going, following the rhythm of your fingers against her with her thigh that pushed into your pussy over and over. Your heat started to soak through the fabric until she felt it against her leg, encouraging her advances. The love hashira barely noticed how she needily bucked her hips into your fingers.

As the heat climbed and your touches became more desperate, you pushed your lips back into Mitsuri’s for one last kiss as you each fell apart in the other's arms, overwhelmed moans muffled by the kiss. 

When you moved apart to catch your breath, a string of saliva connected to you until it snapped, each side falling onto each of your half-exposed chests. 

“Mhh~ I think training is over, Blossom! Good work~” Her voice was breathy, angelic as it always has been despite her legs shaking. This time a smile broke on your face, lifting the girl into your arms as one might their bride. 

“I’ll run us a bath, Miss Kanroji.” 

Author Note -  Thank you so much for requesting! I loved the request a lot and hope I captured what you had in mind. Just be sure next time to mention if you would like a oneshot or headcanons! <3

Word Count - 1,218

Art Credit - ばん

[frecklystars]

Every now and again I’ll see your vent posts and just feel this….surge of empathy and understanding. I don’t have ptsd, but I do have GAD and Panic Disorder. I know what it’s like to go days without sleeping because your brain just WILL NOT relax. I know the feeling of spiraling, of all the negative thoughts and physical feelings becoming the only thing you feel, and feeling like you’re alone in your little universe. I know what it’s like to have to force yourself to chew and swallow every bite of food, because you’re so anxious that you’re not hungry, and eating makes you nauseous. I know the crushing, DEBILITATING frustration at yourself and your brain, and the thoughts of “why can’t I just be normal?? why can’t I be happy??”.

I also know the giddiness and joy from realizing you just enjoyed a hobby! You slept a full 8 hours! You went out with friends and enjoyed yourself! You ate food and loved it! You engaged in your special interest!

Mental health issues are a series of ups and downs. I know it’s easy to get frustrated with yourself for having a bad mental health day (or week, or weeks), or for not enjoying things you should, or for getting triggered, but getting frustrated at yourself will only make it worse. You can only control how you care for yourself during these times. Be kind to yourself, coddle your brain. It’s going to be ok. Do whatever you need to ride the wave and get through it.

Your followers love you, and Barbie and Ken love you too!

We’re always here for you!

You sent this at the perfect time... I just spiraled for an hour after jolting awake from a nightmare. I haven't gotten any peace in almost 2 years now and it just feels like it's never going to end. I have been laying in bed crying and feeling so hopeless, like I'm just never going to feel safe ever again. I typed up a vent post, deleted it before I could post it. Typed it up again. Deleted it. Did this about three more times and spiraled over how I don't even feel safe making a vent post on my own blog... but then I opened my inbox, saw this was just sent to me today, and felt a little bit of comfort/relief ;-;

I'm so sorry that you go through this too, even if it's not ptsd, GAD and panic disorder is definitely in the same field, since ptsd is an anxiety disorder after all... wait -- uh, well, apparently according to the internet, it is "no longer classified as an anxiety disorder and is now a trauma/stress disorder" but whatever y'know what my anxiety is heightened 24/7 at all times so i feel in my heart it is also an Anxiety Disorder™. it feels like a bad dream you can't wake up from when your brain just Will Not Turn Off. i wont go into TOO much detail bc im not sure if im in a safe position to do so, but i have had incidents happening every other month regarding my situation with my cptsd and the person who gave me cptsd, and i had a really... fucking horrific online situation a few months ago where someone pretended to be my friend for almost a year. the intentions were malicious. it was not someone being genuinely friendly. it was a trap. long story of how, but i caught onto it, and thankfully i never gave this person access to my dms/discord, i only answered their inbox messages once in a while when i had energy, but i found out it was all faked. they even drew pictures for me! who tf wastes THAT much time and energy pretending to be someone's friend just to gain their trust? my god. exhausting.

the last few months, ive been worrying that my F/Os would do the same thing to me. if someone dedicated themselves for a year to be on my side, when secretly they had malicious intentions, then...??? what would be stopping my F/Os from doing the same? if complete strangers can be so easily manipulated into trying to harm me, what is stopping my F/Os from being manipulated to turn against me? are my F/Os just pretending to love me? that's why self shipping has felt impossible lately. that's why i've been asking for so many reassuring posts that barbie/ken/whoever wouldn't be turned against me and would still be on my side and, like. aren't secretly out to get me or whatever. and it hurts because i have so many people on this hellsite i want to be friends with, but i don't allow access to my dms and i try not to get too close, just in case if it's another trap. i shouldn't have to worry about shit like that, y'know :c

anyway im so sorry that you go through similar shit, because this sucks. not being able to sleep for DAYS sucks, and i feel like -- people who hear that dont really hear that. going without sleep for a few hours sucks, but going without sleep for DAYS bc youre so panicked and overwhelmed?? dude it's awful. it's hell. not being able to eat is so hard too, im sorry you go through that as well. i have been unable to keep half of my meals down for the last couple of years because im so anxious and the nightmares/flashbacks just bring it back up. i wish you didnt have to go through that either, feeling too nauseous/anxious to eat and literally having to force yourself to take one bite at a time. i want you to know i am very proud of you for still trying to eat and sleep even though it's extremely hard. i see you striving.

I teared up reading your message. you seem like you really understand ;-; I think you're the first person to acknowledge "hey you felt joy, even for a moment, that's good!" because most of the time when I post "hey I think i felt okay right now in this moment for just a few minutes. look at this screenshot of an F/O i love them very much and feel good with them rn!" some people might misinterpret it as "I am cured!!!" and I always feel weird/like i've misled people unintentionally when I go back to making a vent post because some people say "oh no, you were doing better!" and I feel like... I wasn't doing... better, I was just... experiencing momentary relief. and yeah in a way that WAS me doing better, in a sense! but I am in a position where I only feel moments of joy/relief/safety every once in a while, and just hoping beyond hope that those moments finally turn into hours or days or weeks, and that I eventually will go back to "I feel okay most of the time, and only have bad days sometimes". i try to tell myself i didnt feel THIS bad a few months ago, i just... ive felt really bad the last few months bc of the most recent incident. and im reminded of that, when you said its possible to have a bad mental health day, or week, or even months. i think im having a bad mental health... months.

anyway god yeah you get it. sleeping a full 8 hours!! eating a whole meal and enjoying it!! enjoying a hobby, engaging in a special interest!!! we gotta hold onto these things and document them. i write down every good dream i have because it's so rare now that i ever have a good dream. i try to write down when i feel good with an F/O and put it in my Love Notes tag. i made an AU with Officer K from blade runner, and indulged in it, and i messaged a friend on discord today all about my AU because i want to tell myself "hey, look, you ENJOYED this AU you made. you are thinking of an F/O. you feel good with this F/O right now, even if it was just for ten minutes." i took pictures of the heart-shaped cookies i baked and tried to tell myself i felt good posing my dolls with those cookies. the actual act of baking and decorating the cookies didn't make me feel anything whatsoever, but putting my dolls next to them and decorating everything with my flowers and my photos... that felt good. i want to remember that felt good. i queued those photos to post on tuesday because i want to look back on my love notes tag and remember "hey, even during the worst fucking time of my life, i still felt some joy, maybe that joy will happen again"

that's why i want to get back into the habit of blogging again, of self shipping again. i want to document that joy really does happen. when im drawing myself with my F/Os, right now, i feel nothing, but if i keep doing it over and over again, maybe i will get back into the habit of it, and it'll make my brain remember "oh yeah, this is supposed to feel good!" re-working that mental muscle. or, like... when i saw those Barbie and Ken campfire dolls for preorder, i gasped and i felt so genuinely excited. and then i felt so unbearably sad again. BUT the excitement was THERE!!! it EXISTED!!! it was momentary!! but that means im capable of feeling joy. it's just overshadowed by the trauma and the constant stress. when that trauma and stress is dealt with, when i finally someday figure out how to get better, then i should be able to feel joy again. just like when you are able to have your good days and get a handle on your anxiety, you feel joy too. and over time it will build up and we will have more good moments that turn into good days.

i believe in us. holding your hand through it, i am on your side and i got your back. keep trying to eat and sleep and socialize and go out and do fun things, even though your anxiety is making it super hard. i am rooting for you. every time you try to eat, you can think of me cheering you on. when youre awake at night and cannot sleep for the life of you, i would bet money that i am awake too. you can think of me. mentally laying on the carpet next to you and staring at the ceiling with you. we're both not sleeping together. and on nights (or days, depending on your sleep schedule, personally i have been sleeping roughly from 10am to 3pm these days) if you DO get sleep, i want you to know i am so happy for you and so proud of you. picture me throwing confetti in the air for you!! multicolored confetti, with those little pastel star stickers... hell yeah. i am always in your corner and i am rooting for you, anon. whoever you are, wherever you are, there is a girl on the internet in some corner of this huge universe who is on your side (that's me!) and if you ever feel alone you can always think "well hey, frecklystars/keri feels this way too, we are in this together"

thank you for reassuring me that this is normal, for our circumstances at least, this is normal for us. i wanna get better so bad dude. im sorry my response to you is during a time when i just had a really bad meltdown and cried my eyes out, so. i . am not as positive as i could be and i think my reply was all over the place. but i am hugging you so hard. i really really really appreciate you reaching out to me. it has been so unbearable for so so so long now and i am so tired of feeling so bad. i think if the current situation im stuck in would just end already, i would be able to heal properly. i have not fully gotten out of my situation yet and i dont know how i'll be able to leave it. but. i keep hoping beyond hope i will be able to fully separate myself from the danger, and then ill be able to heal properly. and honestly, even if i never separate myself from it, i think there will come a day where i will feel annoyed instead of fear. like a new Thing will happen to me and i'll just chuckle and say "wow how pathetic. this again?" and then move on. but until then, it is kind messages from people like you that keep me going. i mean it, i am deadly serious, i rely so much on the kind words of others to keep me sane through all this. i feel like i am constantly on the edge of a precipice barely clinging for my life and the encouragement from kind people telling me "don't worry!!! it will get better!!! you will finally find peace one day" or "hey i know how you feel, it's okay to feel this way, i feel this way too and i'm empathizing with you" always helps me hang on a little longer. i love you thank you. it's 7am i'm gonna lie down and stare at the ceiling now. giving you hugs and sending you little stars 🌟✨

[somberine]

I would love to hear more about your elsen!

i drew them all for you, i have a small handful of elsen i can go over all of them.

im gonna like...put this all under a cut lol. Because if I'm gonna talk about all of them its gonna get LONG and god only knows that'll look like a nightmare on anyone's dash.

Lonicera and Xylose were the first two I posted a bit ago, Lonicera is an elsen of Zone 3 who eventually moved to Zone 1 and then back to Zone 3 after an incident that caused a very strange burn upon his body. He eats exclusively cow meat and doesn't like sugar. Xylose is Lonicera's buddy, he works in Zone 3 shoveling sugar out of the factory. Xylose is a very standard anxious elsen whose very dependent on sugar, and doesn't realize the sugar is making him anxious. He has a weird cat. He would do literally anything for Lonicera, and is the only one able to get away with calling him Loni, or Cera. Lonicera calls him Xyloaf <:)

Turbinado is a freak librarian of Zone 2 who LOVES burnts. She yearns to study those things. She does not care for the dangers of studying them. She wants to know how to become one. She sees burning as a way of ascension.

Clyde Dale is like one of the few Elsen who isn't named after a candy/sugar. Cylde is a weird burnt with a fascination for the candies an elsen by the name of Caramel makes. He actively tries to flirt with Caramel daily, it never works out for him.

Panela is Zone 1's singular doctor, theres 1 doctor in each zone excluding Zone 3 where they're from (I think thats what Doc suggested I can not remember.) She's got very weak lungs and wears a gas mask in the mines due to the amount of thick smoke within them. Generally jittery and overall a very small elsen, she takes her job extremely seriously and keeps healing supply on her always.

Maltose has nothing about him hes just a fun burnt concept at the moment. I can't even remember what I called his type of burnt thats how little I've thought about him, but his design is fun <:) What I can say about Maltose is hes from Zone 1, he works with the cows, and he feeds of cheese made from the milk from the cows. He doesn't like meat or sugar.

Secretary is the secretary of The Room. Hes very jumpy, but overall curious about the jobs of others and generally very friendly despite being a massive pushover. Secretary has a firm belief that the Queen simply left on some business, and if he were to figure out shes straight up gone, he'd probably burn pretty bad. He is originally from Zone 2 and his name was once Vanilla.

Castor is named after the sugar caster. Shes a very quiet and reserved elsen who keeps to herself on her tram within The Nothingness. The tram travels between the starts of each Zone, and is like a safe way for others to get around (courtesy of Zacharie) without getting totally lost. Castor lost her eyes due to the betrayal of a friend back in Zone 3, and is very, very, hateful of sugar. She does not allow it on the tram.

Wayfaring Stranger is the mf I talk about and draw the most! Though I do have love for the others, drawings of him just come naturally to me. He replaces the Batter within the Recycle AU unintentionally after leaving The Room and trying to find a way to fix the problem of the Queen having gone missing. Hes very jumpy and often times blames himself for the situation the world is currently in, arguing that had he properly tried to find the Batter's records, he wouldn't have let him in and the Queen would still be around.

Before he was Wayfar, he was the Record Keeper, and often was left to take and keep records on everything and everyone within the room, as well as keep track of what came and went out of the room between zones. It was a very big job for one little elsen, but he enjoyed it. Wayfar originated in Zone 1. His previous name is unknown.

Theres also Treacle

Theres not much about Treacle much like Maltose. She's an elsen with a bit of a permanent sugar high who has a very large interest in meat, and doesn't care what the meat may have come from. Shes also a pretty decent cook, and works daily to perfect different meat related dishes.

[wwouldvecouldveshouldve]

CONGRATS ON 1K LIKES POOKIE FMEKEKWKE Also I'm so sorry that between today and last night I've probably spammed your inbox thingy but I wanna do the matchup thing if it's okay with you!! Preferably romantic. My mbti is INTP-T, for hobbies I really like art, writing, reading, listening to music, swimming and doing mock trial. For art specifically I like making like,, paper cut out sculpture type things, like paper dolls and paper lanterns. Writing is obvious- I like reading romance novels and I dabble in classic literature but I am THEE biggest Gulliver's Travels hater. For music my taste is pretty diverse, I like ICP, cigarettes after sex, pierce the veil, my chem, Taylor swift, stuff like that. I like talking about a lot of stuff, I'll talk about whatever comes to mind, really. I really hate daylight savings time. I hate algebra in all forms. I hate onions and fish. For my personality I'm non-confrontational and I'm pretty anxious, jealous, and avoidant but I'm also very passionate. The thing that makes me different uhhhhhhhhhh my favorite chemical element is Erbium because it can be pink ^w^ I'm fine with being matched with anyone, criminal or not, man or woman, I don't have a preference! Something that I value on others is their ability to like,, atleast act like they care about what I'm yapping about 😭🙏 I can't stand being made fun of or harshly criticized I'll cry. IM SORRH THAT WAS SO LONG AHJSKWKDKWK ILY AND CONGRATS AGAIN!!!

EWOJRLKJRLRH I was so happy to get something from my inbox and then I saw you and I actually DIED OF HAPPINESS! thank you SO MUCH, and don't worry I love whenever you talk to me and I'll never be bothered by it <33 also, I cannot take criticism either. I'll get really defensive or I'll be absolutely heartbroken and will not recover from it for a LONG time, but it really depends on how I'm being made fun of.

I was between Chuuya, Kyoka, and Lucy. HOWEVER, I eventually decided on Kyoka.

Kyoka would happily indulge in your interests, and views it as her duty to keep you safe and happy. When you do small things to her, it makes her overjoyed. If you ever argue, she will do her best to become better for you. She's always trying to become better for you. She would help you get revenge if you asked, but is willing to change in any way. If you're made fun of badly, she would be really fucking angry because she knows how you don't respond well to that at all. You make her feel like less of a monster and for that, she would do anything for you. Say the word and she will do it. She doesn't really have much criticism for you, but if you wanted to overcome something she'd do her best to help you. She would try to soothe your worries and match what you need at the moment. Also, definitely the type to tell the waiter that you asked for no onions, and threaten them about what she will do if it happens again. You two would probably take care of a rabbit together and it would lay in one of your laps and you and Kyoka would eat tofu or crepes. Since she hates thunder, whenever there's a storm you'll read to her, and she'll listen to you talk about whatever you'd like. Seeing how passionate you are about things is something she loves, and so she will pay plenty of attention until it takes her mind off the lightning. She doesn't do much to make you jealous, and actively avoids doing anything that can cause those feelings. Her love language is acts of service, so she would definitely make it up to you if she messes up. If you mess up, she loves hydrangeas (this is actually canon), so you can get her a bouquet and physical affection. I imagine her liking receiving physical affection more than the other love languages because she has never received much from anyone else. It's something unique to the two of you. Hugs, kisses, hand-holding, you name it. She does deeply appreciate how loyal the two of you are to each other, though.

thank you so much for joining the event, Ray <333, there's no better person to send in the first request! :)

[prentissvest]

where's my baby? -a Jemily fanfic

warnings: mentions of death (haemorrhage), grieving, birth (idk if that's one), hospitals

I don't own any of these characters, or original episode plot lines only the fanfic. please don't steal this story.

(not my gif)

After nine long and anxious months the baby was finally on its way.

Emily and JJ had always known that they had wanted to have children together, well as it was the main conversation of their second date one might say they were even a little enthusiastic. it had been 4 years since that second date Emily thinks back to, she chuckles to herself as she remembers the pickup lines that Derek had told her would win JJ over but apparently "hey baby are you ice?because I could make you cream" was maybe not the best one for that date, the one after that.. maybe.

At around the 3 year mark Emily proposed to JJ in Rome it was beautiful the fairy lights and 'will you marry me' written in roses as Emily stood there speaking sonnets to the blonde about her love for her before the finally awaited answer of "YES."

Emily gets instantly pulled out of her thoughts by a strong grip stiffen around her hand, Emily grunts in pain which gets her a dirty look from her wife. and not too long later JJ's body relaxes as the pain begins to subside.

Emily gets a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach when she sees the doctors look at each other with worry and then speed off with the incubator with her newborn but she doesn't want any stress for JJ so she just goes down to the shorter woman's level and whispers kind words to her. "you did amazing baby" Emily says with a pained smile as she begins to realise why the baby was ever so quickly rushed away, there were no cries...

"where is she? where's our baby Em?" JJ says trying to look around but lets out a pained grunt. "she's ok, they just want to check on her" Emily says with clear worry on her face. "no, no why wasn't she crying- Em.. she wasn't- she.." JJ begins to sob into her wife's chest as the doctor begins to walk into the room once more. "where is she" "there's no need to worry mrs. prentiss, when you daughter was born her cord was wrapped around her neck stopping the oxygen flow and resulting in less oxygen to get to her brain but she is now stable and will be brought in shortly."

the two woman relax into each other. "why do they never start with the good news?" JJ says rubbing her eyes tiredly while sinking further into the bed.

"you ok hunny?" Emily says while running her hands through her wife's hair, "yeah just a little dizzy, ill sleep it off once i've seen that she's ok"

"do you need anything to eat? it might help" Emily offers, "yes please" JJ says with a tired smile.

Emily begins to walk out of the hospital room and begins to head to the cafeteria, when she turns a corner she sees a nurse leaving a utility closet, she smiles at them to make her aware of the raven haired woman, the nurse gives a small smile and scrambles away in the opposite direction as an alert on her pager began to go off.

Emily decided to get a small fruit cup, small cupcake and a sandwich as a small meal for her wife, but as she is heading back she hears "CODE BLUE, I REPEAT CODE BLUE" she runs in the direction of JJ's room when she sees doctors scrambling around trying to save her wife. the food tray falls to the floor as Emily tries to help her. the doctors manage to pull Emily away but as the others continuously work the line on the monitor goes flat for the 3rd time. there's nothing that can be done, silence fills the room until..

"JJ"

"mrs-"

"come on JJ come back to me please-"

"WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING HER"

"mrs. prentiss" a doctor she recognised from earlier places a hand on her shoulder.

"NO YOU HAVE TO HELP HER- I- I can't loose her.... I can't"

"im sorry mrs but there's nothing we can do, she haemorrhaged not long after the birth, there was too much blood loss, there's nothing we could have done"

"get out." Emily says with her face numbed

"but mrs-"

"I said GET OUT"

all of the doctors disperse from out of the room as Emily crumbles to the bed where her wife lay, holding her hand in her own while her warm tears hit the coldening skin of the woman whom lay infront of her.

"im so sorry my love- I should have gotten the doctors to check.. I could have- I- why didn't I get them to check? why didn't I know?" Emily says sobbing into the pillow nest to where JJ's head lay.

"im so sorry" she says placing her hand on her wife's face. "I will do everything. everything. in my power to keep our daughter safe."

a few hours later..

a soft knock is heard from the door way, "im sorry to disturb but I thought you'd like to see her" a nurse says holding a small baby wrapped up in a blanket.

Emily who now sits in the empty room sitting in the chair which used to be nest to the bed which JJ lay in but had been wheeled out now mere hours ago yet that moment replays in her head like a broken record that chips aways at her shattered heart more, and more each time.

Emily nods, wiping away the tears she was unaware had slid down her face. the nurse walks over and slowly lowers the small child into Emilys arms. big beautiful blue eyes stared back at her, the brown eyed woman tears up again.

" oh sweet Roslyn were gonna get through this together" Emily says smiling at the name that her and JJ had picked as soon as they knew they were going to have a baby girl. the small child wrapped her miniature hand around Emily's finger.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

apologies for the crappyness of this story, it is the first one I have written, if anyone has any tips or story ideas they'd like me to write id be more then happy to do so :)

[caseythebunnyboy]

Howdy! As always I am incredibly pleased to hear from you again. It is the highlight of my morning. I imagine this is what it was like not too long ago. anxiously awaiting a letter from your loved one.

Your description of yourself (and the couple photos you've posted of yourself) I must say is incredibly helpful to aid in my impure thoughts. I've only been attracted to maybe 3 men in my life but I truly believe you are at the top of that list. I have a type of course and you just fit right in it.

I loved hearing about how soft your skin is and how frail you are. Gets me quite aroused. You can ask me anything by the way. Don't worry about if it'll make me uncomfortable or upset. everything about me is an open book! The answer to your question by the way is

Yes ❤️ I've came to the thought of you several times. I mostly jerk off when I'm in the shower (it has the most privacy as I grunt and moan quite loud) Sometimes It's fantasies of you. Other times I look at the photos you've posted. It really gets me worked up. I've probably never ravaged my sex-toy more than when I'm thinking of you. Sometimes I think about just kissing you. All over. Kissing your soft lips. Working my way down your chest to those wonderful thighs. Then of course I can't be stopped from eating out and enjoying that wonderful bunny cunt that lays in front of me. I too imagine the contrast of your soft skin and my rough hands. Maybe you'd like it if I stood behind you, towering over you. My chest firmly pressed into your back as I run my hands up and down your soft skin. I'll leave this here but as always I am anxious to hear from you again. Fare thee as well as I fare, 

your zealous admirer - 🚂 (I'm a big train guy I am nerdy about trains they're cool as hell) (PS. The puss in boots wolf is hot. I'm a top and I totally get wanting to get just ruined by him)

hello again, dear cowboy anon! 💜💜 im very glad i can make you so happy hehe, i kind of wish you would just dm me so we can consistently talk and get to know each other without you having to wait for a response everyday, but i understand anonimity is a very big thing people treasure so i wont force you to! though, if youd ever want to dm me, all im saying is that id welcome you with open legs arms 💜

(rest of my response under the cut so i dont clog peoples dashboards!)

very happy that my information is helpful to your fantasies! id love to hear more of them you know? how youd ruin me, how you would react if i ever bought a cute bunny outfit for you, what youd do if you ever caught me touching myself to you... hehe, so many things id love to know about you 😊

also!! im relieved you indirectly clarified youve been attracted to other men, even though its not that many! i needed that reassurance because ive had uh... not the best experiences with another man from the south, and ever since then ive been scared of straight men being attracted to me that actually saw me as a girl, but would just lie about being queer to my face just so i wont block them 😓 im glad youre not one of them! my underlying fear has been solved and i can now fully flirt with you without being paranoid 💜

the fact that i fit your type is a very big compliment, and just so you know, youre my type too hehe 😊 big strong man with an accent thats kinky but really sweet? hehehehe... if i ever meet you we'd both be going until we were exhausted 💜 and youve cum to me more than once? that actually makes me really needy knowing you like me and my body so much that youve fantasized about me multiple times 😵‍💫

hmph i wish i was in that shower with you, listening to your groans and moans 🥺 maybe im also a little jealous of that sex toy, im the one youre supposed to ravage, not that!!! my holes are all open and available for you to use to your hearts content but since im not near your home you have to resort to using a toy instead of me, so unfair 🥺🥺 by the way if you ever mention eating my boy cunt out again ill cum right on the spot- and last minute note, i would love if you towered over me, groping and grabbing my soft bunny parts while whispering all the dirty things youd to do me in my ear hehe 💜

noted, my dear cowboy anon is a train enthusiast! thank you for that little bit of information, and i very much hope to hearing from you again! youre so nice and interesting, anon 😊 im very excited for us to talk again 💜💜

(p.s thank you for understanding my monsterfucker tendencies, the death wolf is making me severely horny and its very easy to see why once you watch the movie!)

[thebigfudanshi]

TRAUMA RANT

TRAUMA RANT

TRAUMA RANT

I always wonder why ive been dissociating since January, and why my mental health is so fucked, and why I'm so anxious, and why I have zero social skills, and why I'm so lonely and sad and hurting all the time and pretty much resorting to one person nymphomania...

And then the one time I try to speak my mind for once, my true, honest mind. I don't even know who I am, but I was trying. I love my dog so much, and it hurts me to the core whenever SHE just can't seem to see it. My dog is a person, she is a BABY. Dogs will not bend to your will because you hit them. And she hasn't thank god, but god does she threaten to sometimes. If I have to hear one more time that if my dog slips out of her harness that's she's gonna be put down I'm gonna HURT HER BEACAUSE I ALREADY LOOST A DOG THIS YEAR AND IT STILL HASNT SUNK IN AND SHE GOT RID OF OUR OTHER TWO DOGS BECAUSE SHE DIDNT WANNA TRAIN THEM ANYMORE. it's not hard to give a dog a treat and tell her to sit so she doesn't jump on you, but SHE has to keep insisting she can't walk around with treats. GO FUCKING GRAB ONE ITS NOT HARD. SHES NOT GONNA STOP JUMPING ON YOU IF YOU DONT GIVE HER A TREAT, POODLES ARE GOAL MOTIVATED!

so yeah, I spoke my honest mind to HER just fifteen minutes ago. I just got out of a whimpering sobbing fit beacause of HER. So I'm just, downstairs, yeah? First of all, I'm greeted to not a hello, never. I was greeted to HER coming up to me to complain a out a flea on her this morning. And yeah, i really do get it, nothing against being told that. I told HER I'd give Phoebe a bath cause I was already thinking of it. Fine and dandy.

I come into the laundry room. SHE follows to do laundry. I get Phoebe ready to go outside because she has to wear underwear cause she went into heat early before we could get her spayed. She's jumping on HER. SHE is complaining about the jumping. It stops after a moment and after I keep telling her to sit. She doesn't, but she stops.

I tell HER for the third(?) Instance this week that "Phoebe would probably sit more if you got a treat and told her to sit." And SHE rounds at me like "*Complaining complaining* I don't walk around with a pocket full of treats." And I'm like, sputtering, just a tad taken aback and I tell HER "they're on top of the fridge" barely 15 feet from us. She says nothing as she leaves. Phoebe doesn't go outside but it's an oh well cause she didn't eat yet.

I go inside. I make something to eat. As I sit down to wait for it, HER girlfriend, N, who I have no qualms with even though it might sound like it. So N asks me if Phoebe needs a new harness, because she's had two recent issues with slipping out. I say yeah, presenting that she slipped out on a walk recently. We continue by briefly talking about how's she's been slipping out. I say we probably should get her harness fixed, beacause I have to train Phoebe with strangers by giving strangers treats to have her sit and then get pet when she's sitting. And that she would definitely tackle a kid if she got loose and saw one because my dog ADORES my toddler nieces.

SHE chimes in by saying "you know if she gets loose-" and I cut her off, because I've heard where it's going before. Rude as it was, but the family kinda talks over eachother anyway. "Yeah, I know, she's gonna get put down." And SHES like "NO. She could get put down and they could sue ME. I don't know why youre getting like "I know."

And I'm sitting there dumbfounded, with my dog sitting two feet from me. Saying like, "I value my dog's life more than money???" And SHE starts backtracking all offended I said something back like "I do too, but..." And then SHE scoffs. I talk to N a little more but my attention is on HER when SHE huffs and says "I'm gonna go smoke." Like I stressed HER out by speaking my mind and she walked past me to the basement and shut the door with more force than was needed. Im sitting there with my hotpocket folding the damn thing, and I look at N, who isn't doing anything, and Im jawdropped like, wtf. So I just go over to my dog, i tap her side so she gets up and goes to the stairs where I reside %99 of my days, and as I'm leaving I'm muttering trying to get N to hear me like "alright, can't even speak my mind in this house, okay." Cause this has been an issue for YEARS. So I take my mad ass upstairs, and as soon as I get halfway to my room I'm sobbing.

Normally I wouldn't post something like this for my SOUL. But I literally can't talk to anyone about this because the problem lives in my house and I'm gonna forget this like the rest of my life. MY MOM STORMED OFF LIKE A TEENAGER. ill be all fine and dandy by tomorrow because my mom's gonna ignore it even happened like EVERYTHING, and I'm just gonna be the bad guy in her head. I'm fine with that. But I'm really not. Y'know? She's just sitting down there now. Completely fine. When I'M NOT. Thanks.

Thanks for listening to my Trauma-Talk

[mysteriawrites]

Can i get bnha matchup please ?

Appearance

I'm 150 cm tall and over weight with black hair and eyes. I got heart shape face and long hair . I'm not wearing any make up but if i have to do it i would like to make a cat eye make up !

Personality

I used to have ocd but now i have a depression and limerence so i get jealous very easily and i mean it. Like if my boyfriend talk with anybody alot i will get jealous. I want to be the first priority because I put them on top of everything too . I'm kind of yandere but at the same time im very romantic too. I would like to be with them all the time soooo clingy haha. I like to take care people i love and give them the word they want to hear. I can write song for them too. I sleep ALOT

Woah my first ask!!! :0 Thank you so much for the request I really appreciate it. Well then without further ado! DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

I MATCH YOU WITH:

KIRISHIMA EJIRO!!!

After reading your description and a little bit of mental consultation, I decided that our dear Red Riot would be a wonderful match for you.

He would love every bit of you from the bottom of his heart not despite your flaws, but because of them and how they make up who you are.

He will love whatever shape or size you are, but if it makes you happy, he will help you make positive changes for yourself. He would also think you're beautiful with or without makeup but if you wanted to wear some, he would ask to help put it on and if he could fix your hair for you.

He will help you through depressive episodes whether that means trying to cheer you up or just being there to sit in the dark with you, so you know he's always there for you.

He will try his absolute best to comfort you if your OCD ever rears its head, so you'll feel safe no matter how anxious it makes you feel.

He will love you just as much as you love him (maybe even more in his opinion you guys certainly have a who loves who more competition).

If you think you're clingy then oh boy, you and Kirishima cling to each other as if your lives depended on it. He always wants to be around you whether that means hanging out, cuddling and playing with your hair, or just sitting in silence. Man just can't get enough of you!

Some cute dates I think you guys would go on would be the park, the aquarium, the movies, and cuddling at home. You guys would enjoy watching jellyfish at the aquarium, eat ice cream in the park, cuddle while watching rom-coms and scary movies at the theater, and snuggle at home after cooking dinner together and crashing on the couch after a day doing one or all of the above date ideas.

Kirishima is a perceptive person; he pays attention to those around to him especially those close to him to make sure they're happy. If there is ever a time where you're feeling particularly jealous (for example if he's hanging out with Mina and the other students of UA) he'll notice immediately and reassure you that you're the only one in his eyes, and you didn't hear it from me, but he may plan a little surprise to make it up to you.

As caring as we all know Kirishima is to those around him, it is also well known that Kirishima is particularly hard on himself sometimes. Tends to bag on himself if he can't help his friends, isn't a good enough hero, or just overall doesn't see himself as manly enough. As much as he cares about you, you care about him and do everything in your power to remind him that he is doing his best and that he is perfect just the way he is and a great hero.

You two are the perfect duo. Always there to lift each other up and make sure the other feels loved. You would move the sea, earth, and sky for each other if you had to just to make the other smile again.

Oh boy that was long I may have gotten a bit carried away lol. Well, I hope you like it (this is my first time doing this kind of thing so sorry if it sucks >_<).

Runners Up: Iida Tenya, Midoriya Izuku, Kaminari Denki, and Mirio Togata.

[ghostlynimbus]

Hi!

My wife is trans and started faer transition a few years ago.

I had a lot of anxieties about this too. It's a lot of big changes and it's totally reasonable to feel anxious about the ways in which your lives together might change.

I had a lot of fear, for faer safety, for faer job prospects (fae was the sole financial provider for our family, as i am disabled and can't work a normal job), and also about how our relationship would be like going forward.

I'm bi. I've known that for years before my wife came out to me. But I also have a decent amount of trauma related to women, and femme presenting people. I worried that I wasn't capable of feeling the same for fae as femme person, as i did when I thought fae was a man.

That aspect of things has not been easy, and it's had it's ups and downs. On the one hand, I find my comfortably with women has in general increased through these experiences. For the first time, I have a femme person in my life who I am very close with, who I trust, and who is always mindful and respectful of my boundaries. Someone who I feel so safe with that it has helped me to be more open to taking the risk of trying to be closer to others.

On the other hand, i have been a little more... jumpy? at times. I love my wife, I trust faer, I feel safe with faer. But as faer's transistion progressed I found that there were moments where, in the moment my trauma reacted to faer in ways that it hadn't before.

With that, and with all things related to my wife's transition, my experience has been that it is best to take things one step at a time. To understand that this is a big change built of thousands of little tiny changes, and that I do not cope well with change. It's been important to forgive myself for the growing pains, and to really put in the work on trying to be the best communicator that I can be.

For a while, I felt like in order to be a supportive husband that I needed to shelve all of my anxieties and insecurities and any little bad reactions I had to any of this. I thought that I needed to put those aside, deal with them on my own, and not put a damper on my wife's transition experience by letting fae know I was anything less then happy about any of it.

That was the wrong move.

My wife and I are partners, and I should have trusted her enough to be honest with her. There is a time and a place for such discussions, we've found that we both benefited from having a dedicated "Serious Talk" time each week, for things that were important to talk about but not time sensitive enough to need to be talked about right away. We also found that, after she switched to doing injections, that generally it worked better to do these serious talks somewhere around the middle of the week between each dose. YMMV with that though.

as for the specific questions in the post:

"will my partner still be able to lift things as easily now that they don't produce as much testosterone as before?"

Maybe, maybe not. My wife can probably lift things better now than fae could before. Because for fae, when fae started transitioning fae also started a period of changing a lot of things in faer life, and generally just taking better care of faerself. Fae works out regularly now, and is probably stronger than fae was before.

I'm no expert in biology or medical stuff or whatever, but ime as someone who has been around people transitioning in various directions and as someone who participated in a lot of sports back in the day.... for most people testosterone or lack thereof doesn't make as big of a difference as some people think it is.

"what can they do to maintain strength?"

Same things anyone can do to maintain strength. Eating enough and doing strength related workouts.

I have heard, from various trans women/trans femmes in my life, that the first bit of transitioning can be a prime time to develop an eating disorder, so that is why I am emphasizing the eating enough part.

My wife found it helpful to have a work out buddy (which I couldn't be), and to get more into cooking (which i could help with by taking on more of the cleaning duties in the kitchen in order to make it a more comfortable/relaxing space for faer).

"how will their mood be?"

In my experience, up and down. If hrt is involved, my experience has been that starting a new med/adjusting the dosage usually leads to a bit of a rougher patch for a while while fae's body adjusts. And my wife has had to change/adjust meds quite a few times as fae and faer doctor try to figure out the right mix.

Usually things settle down after a bit though, and in general/overall I have seen a huge improvement to my wife's mood and state of mind. The adjustment periods remind me of PMSing, or in some cases pregnancy mood swings, but overall my wife is happier, more faerself, and has a healthier mindset.

"how is it like going from being a straight presenting couple to a lesbian couple in public spaces?"

This one is a little complicated for me to answer, because idk if either my wife or I have ever been straight passing. I'm also autistic and not the most observant of how people are perceiving me. Prior to my wife's transition we were at least sort of presenting as a m/m couple. Now sometimes people think we're a lesbian couple.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I think to some extent people see us, and can tell that we're a couple and that we are queer in some way and just fill in whatever variety of queer they're familiar with that fits the closest.

Best advice I've got for this is to not take other's perceptions of you too seriously, but to also be mindful of safety. My wife and I live in a relatively queer safe place, but we do our best to be mindful that there are dangers to be aware of. Im definitely not an expert on safety stuff, but I am sure there are guides about it around that might be helpful to read over if anyone is new to being visibly queer.

Overall, I really recommend being patient and open with yourselves and each other. Recognizing that adjusting to big changes takes time and work, and being willing to forgive yourself and each other for inevitably not being able to handle each new bump in the road 100% perfectly the first try. I also recommend finding/strengthening your bonds with community. Both together and separately. Having people around that have had similar experiences can be helpful, but so can just having people around besides each other that y'all can turn to to talk or vent or get support from.

Best of luck to both of you, I hope this all goes well for you. <3

blazing this post as we're looking for any sort of resources that give general advice, tips, and tricks for SOs of people transitioning.

we're MtF and my SO has lots of anxieties related to my transition. they're being very supportive, they just need help with things like: "will my partner still be able to lift things as easily now that they don't produce as much testosterone as before?", "what can they do to maintain strength?", "how will their mood be?", "how is it like going from being a straight presenting couple to a lesbian couple in public spaces?", etcetera.

serious comments, posts, whatever is very much appreciated! the focus is supposed to be from my SOs perspective in this regard. "teehee they won't be able to open a pickle jar!" is not the approach we're looking for on this topic. again, serious, informed resources only.

thanks in advance!

🌟 The Vega System

[rutht444]

first psychiatrist appt june 19 2024

Where do I even begin?

First of all it felt so OFF when i arrived inside the building. Always trust your gut and when I tell you everything was telling me it was wrong. First the receptionist was rude af didn't help me at all. People giving me weird looks. I think im so mad and sad that i was excited to see one and finally getting help, and my experience was bad. When i first met him he was nice but omg the lack of empathy, the lack of questions, making me feel stupid? He was like so what's going on do you have any trauma, like wtf. He didn't even ask me alot of questions about my ptsd, how my symptoms are like huh? Did not review what i was feeling at the moment. Just sat there and cried and pescribed me two medications. he asked me what happened and what did I take and did not seem to care if it was triggering?? That bothered me the most. I tried to be strong and not cry too much. Did not ask me if i was okay. I just felt rushed and I didn't like that. like why tf would u ask me what happened and relieved that moment and try to remember what happened. I think that threw me off. I just need to get this out of my mind. Like what if he triggered my ptsd and i wanted to kill myself. Luckily right now I dont feel like that at all. I just suffer from anxiety and depression. My symptoms for ptsd I think are acute. I'm just anxious most of the time and can't do simple tasks. I dissociate most of the time thats the main problem. Also I can never sleep i always sleep around 3am. But as of right now, I dont feel suicidal I haven't felt like that in a while. I just feel numb like idk what happened in the last 6 months I didnt realized I was so depressed. My problem is feeling unmotivated most of the time. I'm just so thankful for my sister to reach out when it was the perfect timing. Like even with the pharmacy was acting difficult. It was God and the universe protecting me. I am so grateful and thankful this happened. If i got my meds right away, i would of taken them. But so glad I didnt. My sister was there for me when I needed her. I could cry because all of this is overwhelming thats why I put it off for so many years. I can't believe I i was struggling since 2017. I can't believe I never took care of myself. Its just crazy how long I struggled for. 7 years of struggling with this. It's time to take action and help myself. My goal is to take care of my health spirtually,mentally and physically. I know it's going to take time but I recovered so much of my symptoms already. I recovered from having an eating disorder, I know i can concentrate more, I know my triggers, I'm so grateful God made sure I am alive today. Thankful fo my well being, my sister, my bella, my parents for not pressuring me to do something I dont want to do. i want to see what my life would look for a year from now. I am ready for change, I am ready for meds, I am ready to cure my anxiety and depression.

[elegantcode]

everything in my life genuinely fucking sucks to the point where it feels like its not even worth trying anymore. i am constantly living in a state of spiral and stress and depression and anxiety. the world is falling apart. i am not well. i can't escape anywhere because my brain won't allow me to make it work anymore.

the safe spaces i've curated over the years are deteriorating before my very eyes. fandom sucks now and is all people accusing each other of this ism or that ism or getting angry that someone ships something different than you. i can barely write anymore, i can't rp like i used to. all my friends are probably going through the same thing because they don't write either while constantly telling me that they want to

i try to explain myself all the time to everyone and it feels like im just yelling inside of a soundproof see-through case. they can see im upset and that i'm distraught and not doing well, but they're not actually listening to the words i'm saying because i've repeated them over and over again and they never acknowledge it

i can't eat the food i want to eat because itll make me sick. i'm afraid of eating new things, and eating the fruits and vegetables that will help me be healthy. i take a breath wrong and i'm falling into a miserable anxiety attack that lasts for weeks on end and sometimes builds up to massive panic attacks. my entire body hurts and aches in ways it never did before and i'm constantly afraid i'm actually dying or that i'll die before i truly am able to leave this hellhole and heal from all the mental damage that's been caused to me through years and years of emotional and physical abuse

i can't take medication, i can't self medicate. i don't have money

i'm overstimulated constantly and trying to find the joy in anything lately is just has no fucking point. whats the point of trying to play a video game if it just overheats my room and my grandpa turns on the heat and screams at me

whats the point of trying to write, if i can't actually write with people or if people won't care about what i write? whats the point of reading or watching tv or movies if everytime i try to talk about it and be excited about something no one listens to me or dismisses me or just straight up ignores what im talking about

i feel fucking invisible and alone and im so tired of being depressed and anxious because its like theres no end in sight and its only going to get worse from here

i've spent every single night of the last week sobbing myself to sleep and just waiting for the next day and hoping itll be better but it never is

its always fucking worse