#i can't believe i'm getting this next month...

[starberry-cupcake]

Welcome back!! I hope you're doing well and, if not, I hope my silly ramblings can make your day somewhat better, like the wildcats used to say: we're all in this together ♥

previously, in harrowcita del 9:

this happened

for those of you recently tuning in, this is the tag of all the ramblings

also, I'm officially in the sixth house now, palmolive can't stop me

CHAPTER 46

we're back inside the emperor's bolthole, which is infested

this is what happens when you have a lyctor orgy without the proper protection

gideon is doing her very best to fight the infestation of herald bees swarming and attacking her

she's in harrow's feeble small kitten baby body, so she's dying a lot

I'm gonna try to represent this visually

gideon keeps apologizing to harrow for getting her bits chewed off and her insides pouring out

and puts emphasis on things she wants harrow to remember

"I saw it eat your thumb—these details are important, so keep up with me—and your thumb was back in the next half minute"

"Child, that bee smashed you"

"I touched your intestines, which is usually what, fourth date"

me:

so, gideon takes off harrow's excess bones, which are no use to her, and goes further into the emperor's infested bolthole, where she finds mercygirl

mercygirl thinks gideon is harrow at first and, turns out, she was the one who stabbed her

these lyctors istg

can't trust any of them

mercygirl thinks harrow should be grateful that she stabbed her

and she was aware that harrow had "stuffed the soul of the cavalier in the back of her brain"

NOW WE'RE GONNA GET INTO SOME TERRITORY THAT MAKES ME GO ABSOLUTELY BERSERK, SO BEAR WITH ME

I NEED TO GET MY NOTES BACK FROM MY PREVIOUS RECAPS FOR THIS

she asks what happened with gideon's eyes and, as we have seen in the previous gideon-centric chapter, gideon's eyes are in harrow's face atm, if memory serves

"You're not her—she isn't driving you—but you have her eyes. Why? When they showed me your corpse I didn't think to check the eyes"

"I thought I knew what you were, though I didn't want to believe it..."

now listen, we're starting to tie some loose ends and some of those loose ends are linked very closely to my previous theories

I have been considering the Commander Wake is Gideon's Mom and Has a Personal Connection To Gideon The First and Is The One Connected With The Harrow Notes In Canaan AU for a while now

I need to link the specific recaps where I said this because I need to be transparent about where my brain was at

Evidence A, Evidence B, Evidence C, Evidence D

there's probably more but those are pretty clear

I swear to god if I was right about this I'm gonna screencap my own recap and put it here when the time comes

I've been marinating this one for months

I actually forgot how much of that I had written down in the recaps until I re-read them

mercygirl says that she thought the commander was a bad girl workaholic who put business before family, that she made her "the dolls" and she must have "played silly buggers with the emission" and that "gideon was on her tail"

"And then Gideon ruined everything. Then the commander ruined everything. Then you ruined everything. This could have been over eighteen years ago"

apparently gideon the first was "obsessed" with the commander, which accounts for some of the notes harrow read

I'LL GET BACK TO THAT WHEN WE GET TO THE SLEEPER, MY THEORIES CONTINUE

mercygirl starts calling gideon all sorts of names, including mutant, and keeps being bothered about her eyes

"Lipochrome. Recessive. You are the evidence. He lied to us...and you are all the proof I needed" "Cytherea would have known as soon as she looked at you"

is gideon the first gideon's dad??????? I mean, I always though he might have Something with the mom but my money was on gideon being made through science rather than Traditional Means

I mean, having lyctor genes in some way would account for gideon being a demigod, something I said with those words when I was reading gideon

also, remember when not!dulcinea told gideon she was prettier than the other gideon?? because I've never forgotten

mercygirl confirms that gideon the first was sent to kill gideon's mom

who, according to mercygirl, would have hated to be called a mom

mamá luchona intensifies

all of which aligns with my theory very nicely so far

she calls gideon more names, including "abomination, you heresy, you failed ambition nineteen years too late"

gideon reacts not wanting mercygirl to touch her instinctively

man, my theories are RIGHT THERE to be fully connected I'm BITING THE DESK

but there's no time for any more talk because mercygirl is trying to kill gideon in harrow's body

but she is stopped

she is shot

by not!dulcinea

but I don't think this is not!dulcinea, I previously mentioned her maybe being used by someone, not sure if it's possession or being used or what's going on but I don't think this is her

I thought about gideon the first being the one to do it but if he wanted harrow dead, I'm not sure he'd save gideon now

not!dulcinea says "with a tone that wasn't" hers: "goodbye"

gideon ends the chapter with "what the fuck is going on?"

CHAPTER 47

we're back at canaan au and it's time to perform an exorcism

harrow has a new note

I've been connecting those notes to gideon's mom possibly commander wake (as linked above)

the latest note continues to add to my theory

"end of the line. falling. oxygen can't last the distance and won't redirect power from the payload. instead I will make you watch every moment as I get the last privilege you cannot enjoy you bygone son of a bitch. I hope you're both as sorry as I am."

I still think this is gideon's mom because that's how she died, I mean, she got to the ninth in a suit without air and gideon still had some, allegedly

I've been thinking that one of the two people involved in the situationship triangle described in the notes was gideon the first, and that maybe the other was dr reverend emperor john

he's the most likely to be a bygone son of a bitch, so maybe I'm right

so, if harrow connects the notes with the spirit that's haunting her

and I'm connecting them to gideon's mom....

what if it's her that's haunting harrow?????

I mean, Waker

I NEED TO STOP GETTING INTO THEORY TANGENTS

anyway, all of the ghoulie ghostie friends are getting together for a sleepover exorcism

I didn't use this when I should have, back when the different aus were going by, but here it is

real!dulcinea says "Pal always said I'd be the death of him. And I was..."

he died being a weenie but he's not all the way dead, so it's fine

harrow questions why everyone wants to help her but everyone's totally fine with all this, for different reasons

real!dulcinea is "horny for revenge" (that's a tshirt for the seventh girlies right there)

protozoa is there because duty is his full personality

abby is really grateful to be asked to help (she also really likes tombs, very lara croft of her)

magnus loves his wife

ortus wants a redemption arc and now has a polycule

martita is behaving better than judith

abby asks harrow if there's anything she can remember from the slasher waker sleeper to try to pinpoint who tf it is

there's a suit, blood, a gun and gideon's sword, which is the only thing harrowcita recognizes and doesn't know where it comes from

my money is on gideon's mom, commander wake, probably also the woman in the shuttle poster that harrow saw but didn't recognize back when she met camilla

I'M PUTTING MORE CHIPS IN MY BETS EVEN IF I GET NO MORE INFO RN

harrow is very interested in how abby and magnus make it work as a married couple who are also a necro and a cav

I wonder why she's so interested

anyway, everything goes to shit on the exorcism

like, it goes really, really badly

group project off the rails bad

I mean, they didn't even have blood

apparently the spirit is also tethered to an object out there (the sword??????? possibly?????)

and she (she's a SHE) is pretty much invincible and shooting everyone and performing parkour while she's at it

harrow says camilla would be impressed, which is the highest praise

the sleeper waker slasher potentially gideon's mom (but not sure because it hasn't been confirmed yet) calls harrow by her name, but in a way that sounds like she's never said it before

she says it like a curse, which maybe means she knows, to some degree, how harrow was made????

she's basically doing whatever she wants over here, shooting ghosts, punching ghosts, throwing them around, regenerating, not bleeding, pulling guns out of thin air

I mean, ok, we got it, calm down lady

where was this energy when it was time to kill the emperor

she says there's "no magic" there and that "she's been doing this for years"

she wants harrow, so she can kill her and use her body to "finish it"

WHICH MAYBE MEANS KILLING THE EMPEROR???

OH MAN I DO WANT THAT TO HAPPEN

BUT NOT AT THE COST OF HARROW

also, mrs potentially gideon's mom, even if harrow dies, there's also gideon in the body right now so, it's a bit crowded atm

maybe find another way to kill the emperor

use not!dulcinea instead, if you can get the current tenant to leave

the chapter ends with: "ortus cleared his throat"

MAN, I HOPE HE DROPS SOME POETRY LINES, WE SURELY NEED THAT

and that's it for today!!!!!things are certainly heating up in the emperor's bolthole!!!! see you soon for the next installment, fingers crossed for my theories!!!

[eimearkuopio]

I'm in the UK, so YMMV, and I was diagnosed at age 33 in about 2018, so things may have changed BUT

To get a diagnosis of ADHD on the NHS, you first need to get a referral and you'll have to figure that stuff out for yourself.

I believe I was diagnosed based on DSM-V criteria but I'm recovering from a pretty severe mental break at the moment. Take everything I say with a pinch of salt, but this is stuff that I am a fairly well-informed lay person on.

There are 18 symptoms of ADHD; 9 inattentive, and 9 hyperactive-impulsive. To qualify for a diagnosis, you need to have a certain number from one or both categories to an extent that it significantly impacts on your day-to-day life. Not being capable of stopping procrastinating even when you want to is a pretty significant symptom of executive dysfunction.

I have all nine inattentive-type symptoms. I also have a PhD that I got by nearly killing myself doing a PhD with undiagnosed ADHD.

The hyperactive-impulsive symptoms are the ones that are easily visible from the outside. To get an ADHD diagnosis, the symptoms need to have been there since childhood, because it's a neurodevelopmental condition. But there's a lot of overlap with other conditions like C-PTSD or bipolar. Think of... The difference between being born with brittle bones and breaking bones easily and repeatedly in circumstances that wouldn't harm most people, versus having grown up in an abusive environment where an adult keeps breaking your bones, versus being in a whole bunch of car crashes where you kept breaking bones.

Your lack of executive function is a symptom that needs to be dealt with for you to be a healthy, happy person, and you might or might not have actual ADHD, but if you want to stop procrastinating and you can't do that, something is wrong. The reason I'm suggesting being assessed for ADHD is that if the reason behind your executive function issues is actually ADHD, it's going to be much easier to treat than the other shit. Not necessarily easy, mind you; but easier than the other options.

I will also say that I think in the next decade or so we're going to see a lot of C-PTSD diagnoses in the aftermath of COVID. So the most important thing is to be kind to yourself, because something is wrong and you don't know what yet. But it's not your fault, because you want to do better and you can't yet. So you need to talk to a professional who can help you figure out what's wrong before you end up in the place I was a month ago. Good luck. There is still hope, but there's more of it when you know your labels and you have the right meds. 💚💜🩷

So I’m a first year uni student. How did you survive your bachelors? It feels like such a long slog, and as I write this I have five things I need to do.

In particular, how did you… not procrastinate

I’d really appreciate any advice you can give!

One day at a time mate. One day at a time.

I can't give you any advice on procrastination, I procrastinated every project I had throughout all of uni.

[nanamiscocksleeve]

Happy (early) holidays everyone!

I can't believe we're in November already! Thanksgiving is around the corner and Christmas is coming up next month! Made me really get into a festive mood.

In the spirit of sharing and giving, I'd like to introduce an online Secret Santa of sorts.

Please read the how to enter section before requesting.

Fic list

Info:

The event works the way a typical Secret Santa would. Each person participating will be writing one fic, but it will be for another person. I'm thinking 500 words minimum, no upper cap.

There will be a list that keeps track of who is joining. Each person that asks to join will give a brief description about the fic they want written (more info below)

People entering must be willing to write. You can't ask for a fic if you don't want to write one in return.

All genres are welcome, does not have to include smut if you don't want to.

Fandoms - Jujutsu Kaisen and Love and Deepspace

How to enter/Deadlines:

Inbox or DM me saying you want to participate with a brief description of the story you'd like written. For example, a message to me would look like "Hey Ray, I want to take part in the Secret Santa. My fandom is JJK and I'd like it to feature Nanami. Maybe some cute fluffy romance between him and reader." OR "Hi Ray, I want to join Secret Santa. I'd like Xavier from LADS, with some angst or a slow burn. Smut is ok but no rough sex."

Once you inbox or DM I'll update a list with your story description.

The last date to ask to join is November 25th. This is because I need a final head count for participants to match up a secret Santa to everyone.

Once this deadline is reached, I'll run all the participants through a random generator which will match up who gets who. I'll obviously be matching up participants based on the fandoms asked.

I will reach out to each of you separately to tell you who you're writing for. Check the list for the story description.

Obviously, do not tell the person that you're writing for them until you're ready to post.

When posting your fic, use the hashtag "ncs secret santa" and "merry ficmas" and tag me as well as the person you wrote the fic for.

The deadline for the fic to be published is December 25th (gasp! Christmas? Who would have guessed?)

If you are unable to partcipate, please let me know immediately so that I can update the list because I don't want someone to not get a fic.

Are you participating too Ray? Yes I am!

Merry Ficmas! Have fun ya'll!

dividers by @/ cafekitsune

@hesperisms @sassypossum @lazyjellyfish300

[mixtapedoh]

hi hi this isn’t a request, more of a “i do not have anyone else to scream about this with” BUT ANYWAYSS, idk if you listen to keshi but i was listening to Soft Spot on repeat and I cannot get woozi out of my mind send help. might have to start writing for svt at this rate. anyways back to studying for midterms i go, hope you’ve been well olive!

NOT A REQUEST BUT I CAN'T CONTAIN MYSELF BECAUSE FUCK YEAH YOU GET ITTTTTTTTTTTT.

also, hi jen <3 how are you <3 i have been habitually away from tumblr and that is my fault because i saw this like two weeks ago and was going to listen to the song you sent and then. simply did not. forgive me, forgive me, i am unworthy of such correct headcanons and vibechecks, but thank you for sharing them regardless.

ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ɪ ɢᴏᴛ ᴀ ꜱᴏꜰᴛ ꜱᴘᴏᴛ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ .⭒˚.⋆˙⭒.✮

.⭒˚.⋆˙⭒.✮

"so i was just talking to hoshi—" you opened the door to your apartment and set down your keys, tugging off your shoes and already mid conversation, as had become your habit, after moving in with jihoon. you paused for a half second, just long enough to wrestle off your other shoe, and from somewhere deep in the apartment, you heard jihoon's wordless sound of interest. i'm listening. "—and he is somehow under the impression that we are going clubbing with him and the others this friday."

you walked into into the main room, your steps soft and meandering, where jihoon sat on the couch, his guitar next to him and a notebook resting on his lap. he had a pencil twirling in his fingers, and when you caught his eye and asked, "do you know anything about that?" he looked down and pretended to write something.

"yeah, i told him we'd both go." his voice did it's best to feign casual disinterest.

"you told him? you??" the surprise in your voice was giddy and sweet, bubbling like a can of coke just popped, carbonation fizzing.

jihoon still didn't meet your gaze. "you've been saying you need an excuse to wear that new outfit you bought a month ago... and we're spending that night together anyway. i knew you didn't have any scheduling conflicts." he was mumbling this last bit, and the erratic twirling of his pencil did little to hide his nervousness. "two birds, one stone."

you had the buoyancy to laugh, warm as the late afternoon sun coming in through the window. "woozi. you hate clubbing."

he had to look at you, this time. if only to see how your face would melt further into affection and tender admiration. not that he was somehow any better — all the attention made his complexion rosy, and for the life of him, he couldn't wipe off this stupid grin. "but i love you."

"ji!!" the whole of you spun into a whirlwind of motion as the lovesickness hit you square in the chest. you covered your face in embarrassment, and when jihoon laughed, it only brought you somehow closer, now standing above him, your legs brushing the front of the couch. "you can't say that! makes me blush... makes me all stupid in love."

he managed to capture your pinky with his. "it's a good look on you."

you swatted his chest with your free hand, and jihoon pulled you closer, sitting you on his thighs and kissing you deeply. you intertwined your fingers with his, and after breaking away, kiss both of his cheeks. twice. for all that jihoon loves to claim he doesn't understand romance and doesn't believe in all the mushy stuff, he certainly always tries to get it right with you.

you kiss his neck, and jihoon sighs your name contentedly. you smile against his skin before pulling away to ask, "are you really gonna give up our inuyasha rerun night for clubbing with hoshi?"

his face contorts into a playful grimace, and you can't help but laugh at the expression. "that's when loving you becomes the operating part of my promise."

.⭒˚.⋆˙⭒.✮

[bidisasterevankinard]

The only hope i have rn is that as with kiss break up was just a shock plot twist that is going to be explained later. As you might remember 7x3 gave us almost nothing to really believe bucktommy will happen (not talking about me who was already all in my "tuck (I called bt that that time) is happening guys". And then next episode till Buck is kissed by Tommy we are led to believe Buck is jealous about Eddie. The kiss was a shock, till the moment they started to move close, but even then. We didn't really expect it to happen. It was like BOOM. And then the episode ended and interviews were all like "yeah Buck is finally bi". And ga were really surprised, and some of them were homophobic ofc, some were just really surprised Buck is into men. Since when?. And then more explanation and answer to that question and exploring happened only next episode. The explanation on the screen, not in interviews that ga more likely do not read, that it's actually NEW to Buck, that he never thought he's into men before Tommy

So rn i kinda hope it's the same with break up. It was the shock that would be explained later, in the next two episodes, tho I'm not sure if it will lead to bt make up or not

At least I hope they'll end it better, give Buck actually say I'm bisexual and say either good bye to Tommy, but firstly admitting he is in love with him, even if it will happen not to Tommy's face, or him chosing to go and get his man saying it to Tommy. 911 never does cliffhangers tho Wendell died in 6x9 and Bobby was looking in his death only in the next part of the season. so hope is here that maybe they'll end the middle finale after emergencies, when they show us how they leave out characters before 3-4 months time jump in montage, that Buck is knocking at the door that Tommy opens, and Buck says "you're wrong about me. I can see our future not because I'm so excited that I understood I'm bisexual because of you, but because I love you. I don't need anyone else. But if you can't see our future then ok, tell me to go home. And I'll do it. But stop being coward and just run without explanation. I, as Abby did, deserve it". Black screen

Boom again. Fandom runs around speculating that will happen, and you don't need to write all fix it of 8x6. Just show in another part that:

a) bucktommy are actually talk and not the shit that they showed that apparently they never talked that Tommy is gay and Buck (possibly bc you can enjoy watching smt and not play it) hates basketball

b) Buck sees Tommy's flaws.

And you can do what you want with their progression as a couple. Or ok if you still don't want bt you can make one scene where Buck says that he's boyfriend said they can't be together. But it at least will give everyone closure

[xx-thedarklord-xx]

I dare you to tell everyone how you are doing, and, if you are feeling up to it, letting us know when to expect you back on ao3. Not feeling up to it? That's fine, I dare you to give yourself a nice hug.

I am going to be honest with you. I got this ask four days ago and I haven't been able to let it go. Your ask is one of the main reasons I was able to push through the fog that I've been in. I have adhd and depression, a rough combination. I barely have enough energy to work 40 hours a week and my days off are spent trying to recoup enough energy to begin all over again come Monday.

I've had the desire to come back and write but the energy to actually do it hasn't matched the desire. I am a firm believer that writers should write for themselves, that they don't get caught up in who or how many people read their stuff. Well, that mindset is something I still believe in but it's also a trap for me. If I'm only writing for myself then what does it matter if I don't write this week, the next week, next month and wow it's been an entire year already? How did that happen?

But I realized when I got your ask that if I can't write for myself then maybe I can write for you. Maybe I can write for other people. It's worth a shot and who knows how long it will last, but it gave me the push that I needed. It gave me enough energy to match my desire and I want to thank you for that.

Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for reaching out to me. And thank you for your kind words, it meant more to me than you realize.

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Bonus- Chapter 32

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

Yes it is 8 am and yes I am eating chicken gnocchi soup for breakfast. I stand that soup is and always will be a breakfast food.

No hot drinks today! This wedding required a feast :'3

I can't believe this is it! The series finale if you will.

I have been waiting 32 chapters for this moment. at last!!!

This man (SQQ) has been sleeping with this other man for what- months(?) years(?) at this point and he is STILL over here totally bewildered at the fact that LBH does not want to marry a woman. p355

This is kind of sweet though. I'm so glad Cang Qiong Mountain sect has embraced these two absolute weirdos. I love that they can visit now! It warms my romantic heart that they can travel for a while and then come "home" for a time. p355

omg these two are so embarrassing. The way in which LBH is asking him to marry him is so awkward. p359

oh no, now I feel like an asshole because LBH was SO NERVOUS the days leading up to him asking. (granted totally fair with how SQQ acts towards him/about their relationship- I too would not know if he wanted to actually marry me or not in this situation). I just want to pinch LBH's cheeks though, why is he so cute. p360

aaaaaah- this is so cute. SQQ being actually happy about him asking instead of trying to gaslight himself and side step his feelings or "reluctantly" agreeing to marry LBH pp360-361

my heaaaaaaaart LBH's confession pp362-363

The fact that LBH had wedding outfits ready. I need to know two things; 1. where/how did he get them and 2. how long has he had them and had this planned. p363

I truly don't know if MXTX has written a tender sex scene. Why does it always have to be a little traumatic? Granted I have only read SVSSS and MDZS BUT both of these series have either uncomfortable (SVSSS) or just have freak4freak energy (MDZS-but I will take this over crying and bleeding) there's never something soft and lubed. I hope that TGCH has something (no spoilers pls) but my bar is so low. (okay but wangxian was fine for the most part- they just were also dry and mutually unhinged). pp366-367

NO LOL the wife-ing of SQQ. p370

Okay okay- the ending was so sweet. The little shy embarrassed SQQ calling Binghe husband and him pretending not to hear. My headcanon is that eventually over time SQQ feels less and less embarrassed, works through his internalized homophobia, and learns to say what he actually feels more often. Even without my hopes and dreams, I still think this ending was such good character growth for SQQ.

Holy shit we did it!

Thank you to everyone who joined me on this reading journey. It has been so fun getting to read the books along with you and talk about the experience.

I am a little bit sad that it is over :'3

I do however, now have a pile of fanfic to start working through and am so stoked to continue this journey via fan works. Thank you, thank you to everyone who sent me fics to read!!

In terms of what is next- I will likely spend some time reading SVSSS fanfic- if I get to a point where like Wangxian, I have hundreds of fics in my collection, I may start recing Bingqiu!

BUT in terms of danmei, I am hoping to read TGCF next and round out my MXTX collection (likely end of December start)!

This has been such an amazing experience that I will continue to live blog future danmei series :)

Thank you thank you again!

[hartofblxck]

excuses, excuses! you're lucky i wasn't at work last month otherwise you would've been in trouble. i'll be back soon though, so you better watch yourself—especially once we get close to the next friday the 13th. 😈 i still can't believe that happened to you. this might be a dumb question, but do you still worry about it happening again? injuries happen all the time and even you've been hurt again since then, so how do you deal with it? i know you're right—but sometimes you hear stories about what other people have had to deal with, and it's hard not to think it could happen to you. but then again i'm an overthinker so i always end up worrying about every little possibility even if i know inside that things are alright. oh, so this is the only day i get to celebrate without any funny comments from you? good to know!

[athousandbyeol]

adding one more reason to be alive.

thank you bible and p'jes. thank you p'sammon and the crew. i'm beyond excited about this.

[thetardisisnotourdivision]

Love the fact that everyone's acting surprised that the We-Dump-Shit-In-The-Water country has had an outbreak of There's-Shit-In-The-Water disease.

[yuichiroswife]

{ Happy 26th birthday to me. }

[vitamingummybear]

my body out on nowhere:

[paperlovesadness]

Me seeing all the comments under Glasto-themed posts blaming Alex for being sick and calling off Dublin

I'm barely able to fold that knife though.... And I'm not trusting myself that it'll stay folded.

[loumauve]

I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.

(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)

[astersatdawn]

Brimstone and Emerald Dreams

Relationship: Midoriya Izuku & Sensei | All for One

Rating: T

Sensei | All for One is Midoriya Hisashi, Bad ending, Possessive Sensei | All for One, Izuku in Tartarus

Oneshot | 1.6k words

But he did make it to his destination, eventually, and with the right combination of Quirks the locks on the door broke away and let him pass through.

And there he was.

If All for One had been anyone else, he might have paused to check if he was really asleep. On his cot, Izuku sat, chained from head to toe, slumped over, his back to the wall. Search told him he was asleep, and even without the Quirk, All for One would know. All for One had seen Izuku fall asleep sitting before.

-

[Or, with his victory assured, All for One traveled to Tartarus to collect his prize.]

ao3 link: here

This was written for the bad ending event hosted by @mamashenanigans and @possiblycringe

Tonight, Tartarus was quiet. 

It was not unusual for Tartarus, be it the old or new building, to be silent. The prison was rigid in how both its guards and prisoners were meant to act, each step and breath to match another tick of a clock on a never changing schedule. Sound inevitably became a forgotten thing when it fell into the background, not even worth acknowledging. 

What made this silence different, however, was how it felt more like All for One was walking into a freshly abandoned ruin than a high security prison. It was only obvious to someone like him who was coming from the outside in, for it let him see the pitiful attempt to mask the silence. Janitors dressed as guards wandered the halls, but cowered at any shadow that crossed their path; blinking cameras moved at regular intervals, recording every act like a reprimand was imminent, even though it no longer was. 

All for One knew that, for the first few hours, this illusion of that well maintained routine would hold out. All who dared hope for goodness and justice could pretend to breathe easy, that Tartarus would stay in its timeless bubble, ignorant to the reality just a few miles away, where all members of law enforcement were drafted into the climax of the war, to deal with the unquenchable chaos that had been plaguing the streets for hours now, and still had no end in sight. 

Truly, all this was for a futile yet desperate effort to keep the worst of the villains they’ve managed to catch out of the field for as long as possible. The destruction All for One and his minions had brought to Japan alone already sent the country to its knees, begging for reprieve, and once the prisoners here began their unnecessary riot and realized they could make another escape, Japan would truly know no salvation. 

Not that they stood a chance before that fatal moment, but dreams were always best crushed slowly yet thoroughly.

That is all to say, this was the bare minimum, and if the old Tartarus was not enough to keep him in, it was no wonder this one fell to his whims so easily, now that the world was setting itself firmly in his grasp. 

How far hell had fallen, but even hell must bow before its king.

Even the halls attempted to delude his path, a futile resistance to the last, all long and winding, containing hundreds of matching doors unable to act as a guide to his destination. Not like All for One needed one, not with Search. He knew exactly where to go, could see the bright glow a few levels down even with his eyes closed. 

He could travel down there faster if he really wanted to. Taking his time through the hallways left him impatient, but the child he wished to visit was asleep, just as All for One hoped he would be. An explosive entrance would put the boy on guard, and that would make the night far more difficult than it needed to be.  

But he did make it to his destination, eventually, and with the right combination of Quirks the locks on the door broke away and let him pass through. 

And there he was.

If All for One had been anyone else, he might have paused to check if he was really asleep. On his cot, Izuku sat, chained from head to toe, slumped over, his back to the wall. Search told him he was asleep, and even without the Quirk, All for One would know. All for One had seen Izuku fall asleep sitting before. 

Most often, it would have been at the boy’s desk, drool spilling out from his lips and falling onto his sleeves, barely missing the analysis journal he’d likely have beneath his pillowed arms. He could tell at a glance the boy's dreams were more pleasant than his school days, dreaming up Quirks and heroes. Sometimes, when Inko had been there to catch the end of Izuku’s late night research sessions, she’d quietly fret about, worried about waking him up, but also wanting to make sure he slept comfortably in his bed. As the ever reliable Hisashi, he would offer her reassurance, slip next to Izuku, and a hand on his shoulder was all that was needed to make sure Izuku stayed asleep as he pulled him into his arms and tucked him into bed. 

Many times, All for One had considered keeping Izuku asleep for eternity. As a boy, he’d always found more peace in dreams and delusion. Being trapped in his dreams meant his son couldn’t pursue a reckless dream and die a martyr like his brother had done. But keeping his son asleep meant Izuku’s happiness would not be dependent on All for One, but instead on whatever paradise he found in unconsciousness. He would never see his son’s smile, or hear his voice or his laugh—dreams would reduce them all to useless mush. The boy would not be his if dreams kept him away.

In hindsight, maybe letting him sleep for a few years would’ve been the better alternative, if it meant the boy would not obtain One for All. That Quirk made those childhood dreams obtainable, or it had, until the moment they had been snatched away and brought him to this defenseless place. The almost achievement meant that one false step and the boy would’ve been lost again, and just like his brother, it would be to somewhere he could not yet reach him. The only worth in his son obtaining that Quirk was letting his son learn his lessons the hard way.

Tonight, the boy’s dreams were quiet, but not pleasant. Nightmares likely caused by those very delusions he’d long since harbored, All for One’s certain, with the way his brow scrunched and sweat slowly built on his forehead, likely only moments before the nightmare’s climax. In the past, All for One would have waited it out to see if the boy would run into his arms and cling to his father, afraid that if he let go the nightmares would drag him back.  

This time, however, like he had done on those nights he slept away from his bed, he reached out and cast Izuku into a deeper slumber. Dreamless or not, it didn’t matter, if it meant the two of them could have a moment of peace. The only sign there had been a change at all was the way the boy’s shoulders relaxed.

He did not pull away his hand. Instead, he ran his fingers through Izuku’s hair, longer and more tangled than it had been when All for One last saw him. He would have to change that later. In the meantime, All for One sat next to the boy and gently brought the boy’s head down onto his lap.

“Now isn’t this familiar?” All for One mused, no longer concerned he’d accidentally wake the child. Inko hadn’t realized it when he was around, but Izuku was a lighter sleeper than she gave him credit for. It’d been convenient to figure that out when the boy was five rather than fifteen. The boy’s breath evened out. “Did you truly think you’d ever know peace without me?” 

As if in response, his facial muscles scrunched, then relaxed. 

“Your father’s back to chase all the nightmares away.” Another stroke through his curls, a tangle caught and smoothed away. “No thanks to that man you call a mentor, we’ve been kept apart for far too long. But that changes tonight. I believe you and I will both agree that’s for the best. I know you’ve hated your time here. It’s a shame I couldn’t come sooner, but I had something to finish first. You understand, don’t you, Izuku?” 

The boy’s nose wrinkled. 

Truly, All for One would not mind staying here a while. Even though his memories of this place were not fond, there was a charm in the creation of such a warm memory in a place that had tormented both him and his son. An irony in how these walls were meant to bind and separate them, but instead brought them together again. If society had not betrayed his son as it had he didn’t think such a task would have been as easy. Izuku was far too much like his brother, always willing to fight for others, even those who hurt him. Had that society not clipped the boy’s wings, even with the ongoing chaos, taking his son back would have taken more effort, nor would it have been a guarantee.  

Yet here, the boy slept on, oblivious to the distant smell of smoke and iron. Sleep would keep him away, and when All for One let him wake, he would make sure the boy only found the ashes. Maneuvering those who had no hope had always been easier. He’s certain his son would be the same. 

All for One did not entirely care how much time had passed, content with the sight of his son in his arms after years of distance. Yet, when he heard something rattle in discontent with his enhanced hearing, the earliest sign of the inevitable riot, All for One knew it had been long enough.

“It’s time to go home, Izuku.” He lifted Izuku up, arm under knees and Izuku’s head fell against his chest. He pressed a kiss to the boy’s forehead. “We’ve kept your mother waiting long enough.” 

And as he came, so too, did All for One leave unimpeded, but with the very prize he came to collect. 

Outside, the world burned as its king ordained, and in the king’s arms, his child slept on in peace.     

[jinxofthedesert]

To all wanting an update: I am hoping to get chapter 29 of Carve My Name Into Your Skin out next month. I was really hoping to make it for January but I just haven't had the time.

To those who are unaware, I began my Masters Program at the start of Jan and that is literally all I've been doing. It doesn't leave my mind with much clarity afterward, so the writing has been incredibly slow.

Ironically the chapter is getting long despite this as I've been working on it when I can. I was hoping there would be a place to break it off, as I've done with the last few chapters concerning the scene with Thorfinn and Bjorn. Make it a 4 part, instead of my planned 3 part. But there has been no good spot to end the chapter, unless I did it mid-dialogue which isn't something I want to do.

Currently the chapter is sitting at 18k, very close to 19k honestly. I have a possible place I could break it off a bit further from where I am and end the chapter early since the conversation will be switching but . . . we shall see. That would be great.

Either way, thought I'd let you all know! Wishing you all a fantastic rest of your weekend and a good luck to the start of your week. You got this~