#i can't believe how little self control i have i said i would write only after the show finished airing

[weebsinstash]

Babe! A new Helluva Boss episode just dropped! And Ozzie and Fizz are just so goddamn cute! 😍😭 and Ozzie is such a sweetheart! (I hope he’s genuinely such a softie and not playing an act, we need more softie demons).

Can we please talk about Yandere! Ozzie again? Pretty please with a shit ton of sprinkles on top? 🥺

Bestie thank youuuu I watched that shit immediately and I have so many thoughts

This episode actually shows a big reason why I haven't really published a lot for like, Ozzie or Valentino in terms of actual fics because, my take on Ozzie's personality based purely off his debut appearance would've been a lot more different and now we see that, bro he's, suave yeah, but also, a huge green flag lovable cinnamon roll dork??? Valentino, we only have seen so much of. To be honest the way he's been presented seems to sway from "scary as fuck during gangster business stuff" to "he's kind of a ratchet ho, actually" and I'm not, entirely super confident writing stuff for him because like, I'm more of, assuming? I can't, analyze his character like I can for other characters with more material out for them.

For real though, my current stance on this matter is: Asmodeus, you could go to him and ask for his knowledge and advice on like genuine issues or things you're curious or concerned about like, legit you could sit down and have STD talks with this man ("h-hey Ozzie is it normal to have xyz on my you know what" "oh honey yes that's just like a blood blister from friction you're fine" "oh my god ok good because I was worried it was cancer" "HONEY NO 😩") meanwhile fucking Valentino over here would be like "bitch why you got cellulite" and like make backhanded comments like, oh maybe he could reward you with a boob job instead of your next paycheck (as in like, cosmetic surgery 💀 you know I've thought about that? Yan Valentino who's crazy for ya but, not crazy enough to not make certain, tweaks to your actual body. Maybe he dyes your hair or has it styled a specific way and basically refuses to let you do whatever you want with it. Gets your boobs or ass done. Makes you get fillers/botox for any wrinkles/static lines. Controlling your wardrobe is a must. You're like his little.... pursedog)

(That being said though. I'd still let him hit 😩 reader who gets drunk and fucks around and finds out--)

Anyways though, over here in our corner we believe in unapologetic self indulgence and I still believe a Reader who has magical abilities or powers and whatnot and can travel the rings through whatever convoluted means is a fun time. So. We're gonna do that! I mean. Asmodeus honestly seems chill enough that even if you like, somehow crashed into his club, as long as you were polite and respectful, he'd be chill with letting your hang around, maybe even getting a kick out of teasing you (but never pushing anything too far unless you show interest, and if you show any discomfort or trauma he backs off to re-strategize). I imagine his club would actually be pretty fun? Drinks, live music, although, kind of makes me wonder, how openly horny is this place? Probably not like "coochie in your face" like working for Valentino, so, Reader could even be all "honestly this is such a much more safe welcoming environment to engage in like sexuality" and Ozzie hears this and its like, dude. You might as well have just struck him through the heart with cupids own arrow, but, also, he's curious, what other places have you been?

I'm kind of convinced that if a little imp cunt like Crimson thinks he has the balls to stand up against Ozzie, hostage or not, I kinda feel like. Valentino would probably openly treat Asmodeus like shit. He'd probably be a catty fucking bitch to him. He probably looks at Ozzie as like, a diet coke version of himself, a version who has so much power but doesn't go far enough, and probably scoffs at Asmodeus' romantic attachment (even though Val has some weird on-off thing with Vox himself). Valentino doesn't give two fucks about consent and would probably openly mock Ozzie'e values

Or. They could be big business partners because, maybe there's some sort of inter-Ring porn trafficking pipeline or something, smuggling the good shit up from Lust and trading it with stuff from Sinners, who have more visual variety besides other perks etc

But just picture, Asmodeus and Fizz are, minding their own biz, at the club, chilling, listening to music, eating food vaguely shaped like clocks, and Ozzie's cell rings, and they're both like "aw I bet Reader's calling to say they're having fun at that party or whatever" but they answer it and you're like, hiding in the bathroom or a closet or something, crying, whispering under your breath "d-do you still have a place for me to stay like you said before 🥺 Valentino is really, REALLY drunk tonight and he's really scaring me, he grabbed me and--"

They're both at your exact location in like less than 5 minutes and maybe have to play it off, Ozzie distracting Val while Fizz steals you away, or, juicier, like. Imagine Val snatching your phone from your hand, going through your messages, "who the fuck have you been talking to?" And he pulls like the classic abusive boyfriend move and when he sees you're in frequent contact with someone named "Ozzie" he calls him from your phone and as soon as a male voice picks up, they're both going at it "bitch who the fuck are you?" "Bitch who the fuck are YOU?" "Why you got my baby's number?" "Why do YOU have MY baby's PHONE???" "I'm about to HAVE my foot up your ass, you--" like, you know what I mean? Asmodeus is rolling up and these two are all but butting heads with each other as you have to awkwardly explain how you know both of them and of course, suddenly there's a not quite comfortable conversation about which one of them you... "belong to", neither of them wanting to leave you with the other (although I imagine in a physical fight Asmodeus would win but Valentino would have homefield advantage involving his security dudes)

Either way like.... oh my god watching them lounge in that nice big bed together. Fizz being on Ozzie's chest, like. Give me that 😩😩😩 "oh Reader, baby, so glad you took up our offer for a place to crash, but, since it was so short notice it'll have to be with us tonight" type shit and like you're fine with that but then bedtime comes and. There's Literally Only One Bed. And you're like ok you know what I'm not really in a position to be ungrateful, Valentino could have actually fucking hurt me or trafficked me or whatever, but, you're still small enough that Asmodeus could hypotheticallyyyy just, reach an arm over and scoop up you into his chest for a cuddle, or just have you in the crook of his arm like a cat or a teddy bear. Ozzie definitely sees an immediate perk on Fizz not being so much of a troll as to give you the airhorn treatment your first morning there, so, obviously, they have, multiple motivations to, keep urging you to stay 👀 after all, Val is going to be looking for you in the Pride Ring, and you don't have any other friends, so, you're kind of stuck with their whims aren't you? Unless you try to run off on your own, and I mean. Really. They can just hire someone to bring you back lmao. Or get you themselves. Could you imagine feeling way you uncomfortable around them and slipping away and suddenly you find a little white demon dog on wheels happily rolling up to you out of nowhere and it's. Fucking tracking you for Fizzarolli and Asmodeus, like. Damn, can't even trust the dogs in Hell. Demon dogs in Ohio be like

Anyways idk I just like the idea of like. Combining several ideas, you do the whole "accidentally did the whole Death Fall From The Sky and crash into Vals sunroof, he keeps you in servitude because you have to repay him, eventually you Fall into Lust and you start basically doing double jobs at both clubs and prefer Ozzie and he eventually has to rescue you". Also like Valentino "canonically" humiliates his partners on social media so I can imagine he's just publicly belittling and negging you all the time. One second you're happy at Ozzie's listening to music and eating unholy amounts of onion rings with your quirky well intentioned clown friend, the next week Asmodeus sees a Sinstagram post where Valentino is just like "cutie was whining she couldn't get any tips so I helped her out 😜🤭🍈🍈" and its just. A photo of you in your work uniform where he clearly just reached forward and tore open the front of your blouse and he is just. Full on deadass without any hint of irony making you basically work in your bra and he's just without any remorse posting photos of your running mascara and you're clearly crying but what can you do?

Val posting a photo of him literally shoving a tip INTO your bra, his FINGERS in there, and other like little clips and snippets of him demeaning you while you're like actually fucking blubbering "and make sure to get me extra ice!" "*sobbing noises*" "I didn't hear a REPLY! Do I need to take some of those nice tips I'm helping you make?" "N n noOo I'm sorry" "sorry WHAT?" "M sorry mister Valentino, I'm sorry, I'll get your drink right away mister Valentino" and Val is just slapping your ass HARD as you turn to leave like and just laughing like this is the most fun he's ever had

like I feel like Asmodeus realistically would only be able to do so much IN Pride itself (because would You show up in your boss' turf doing your own shit? Big risk) BUT, I mean. You go down to Lust and you're basically fair game. You show up to your next shift after The Boob Incident and Ozzie's like "giiiiiiiirl imma keep it real with you, I know you wanna try and be independent but I got some concerns--" and he's barely even halfway through it before you're just, TEAR EXPLOSION, "i hate working for him, I HATE IT, I wanna work HERE full time, but I don't have a place to staAaaAaay" and just. Some UGLY crying because you're at wits end

Zero hesitation here's Asmodeus "Sweetie what kind of apartment do you want??? You want a penthouse? I can get you a penthouse?? You want some shopping money?? Tell Big O whatever you need." and the next thing you know Valentino is scrolling through Sinastagram and has to do a double take as your account starts posting all kinds of photos of you looking cute and having fun and, poolside in a bathing suit and you're becoming more comfortable with your body and your sexuality and, he's thirsty absolutely, goes to try and tease you or make fun of you and you're just like "you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid" and just ignore him as Val is forced to watch you pal around with Asmodeus (either as just friends or total fuck buddies like, deadass catch me out here "hey so, there's this position I've always wanted to try--")

[kimsmuse]

yunho, your bestfriend is definitely NOT yandere ♡ !!

1535 words. gender neutral!reader. warnings for perverse behaviour, manipulation, character death (sorry, dino) typical yandere kidnapping, obsession, mentions of blood.

this is more of just like warming up for me before i move into more intense plots so i apologise if it feels kinda disappointing :/ requests r open btw :D come talk to me <3

jeong yunho is not a yandere, at least that’s what he convinces himself. he just has a soft corner for you, his best friend, and that’s normal, right?

nobody could ever imagine your best friend, yunho, the one who stays eerily silent throughout the day, sitting by your side as he works on his notes, nobody even knew why he was your friend in the first place. but nobody could have imagined him being in love with you. maybe the other way around, because of the way you smiled at him, constantly were on his side, encouraged him to get out more and more but never the other way around.

let's go a spy a little on jeong yunho, shall we? because i don’t believe him one bit.

yandere!yunho who swears that he isn't in love with you, you're just another of his friends that he admires very deeply, but again, whenever he drops by your house, he finds some or the other excuse to sneak around your room, looking around as if inspecting it to know if somebody's been there but thankfully, so far he can't find he signs for an interference and steal your panties, only once or twice a month. It’s not very weird, is it?

he finds that the smell you wear is the only thing that can calm him down when he's feeling way too anxious, whether its a work issue, a final paper. you can take his mind off anything, there’s nothing bigger for him than you, but he’s so afraid to admit it. so there’s a pillow in his room sprayed with the perfume you wear and he hides it whenever he goes out, because who knows when he'd be bringing you home and he doesn't wanna creep you out. especially when there’s nothing to be scared about at all, he would never hurt you at all.

yandere!yunho who is convinced that the only reason he sees red when he sees you laugh at something mingi said is because he’s scared you'll find him a better friend tham yunho, and abandon him. there’s zero romantic feelings involved.

oh and don't get him started about the times you accidentally touch him at all. he'd write books and essays and poems on those instances because it wasn't an exaggeration when so many poets described things happening equal to the world stopping, because his does, whenever you touch his shoulder, or even at the slightest contact of your skin with his. he hates the feeling, but his denial hasn’t stopped it from happening, so he finds himself looking at you, standing in your doorway as you choose an outfit for the next day, inform you that he’s leaving because he honestly has no idea what he would do if he had to spend the night with you, he doesn’t think he has much control left, not anymore, when all you could seem to do was whine and yearn for a lover, he was right there, goddamnit.

you might think yandere!yunho is a loser, but he’s got a game with others, solid game, there’s nobody who’s ever said no to him but in front of you, he keeps on losing control of himself, losing himself. it is a blow to his self esteem that he can never even bring up the topic of his feelings, not even a bit. get a grip, yunho!

why do you make him feel this way? and why do you never feel bad for him?

at some point yunho is convinced that you're just pretending to not know anything about his plight, when you're actually clueless about it.

like how come you've never noticed the way he looks at you (because literally everybody else has, thank god they mistake it as unrequited love)

in his eyes, you’re knowingly making him lose control, edging him to the point that he just has to snap. but if you think that’s going to happen, you’re mistaken!

but all it takes for yandere!yunho to snap is this, “it feels like mr. choi constantly has a stick up his ass,” a comment by your friend, dino, (thank god mingi was sick today and couldn’t attend class) and he’s briefly sidetracked when you laugh so contagiously, his insides warm up. god, you’re so cute. but the joke wasn’t that funny, or are you that easy to please? he feels a distaste in his mouth. control, control, control, he’s always been The Calm one so why was his temper betraying him now, when he needed to control it the most? he shakes his head. just this once let him go. He makes it through the day without killing anybody. a real achievement for him.

the way dino glances at him so demeaningly has his anger threatening to spill out like an overflowing jar, but he grits his teeth, he wasn’t 17 anymore, it won’t be a juvenile case anymore.

on the other hand, you’re completely oblivious to your best friend’s feelings, no matter what he has deluded himself into thinking. and you’re into dino, the guy is funny, talented, and super cute! so when he has taken a sudden interest in cracking up jokes for you, you happily grin at him.

when you get home that evening from grocery shopping, you have a text from dino, “are you free tonight?”

and that is enough to send you giggling to pick out some clothes that don’t seem like you’ve put in an effort but still look good enough.

“my place, 8. it’s a date ;)”

uh, but, did no one teach you to sense that something is fishy when some guy you’ve been just talking to for a few days invites you over out of the blue? watch some true crime or something please.

regardless of that, you do go up to his place, just to find no answer when you knock, but when you call him, his phone is inside, so you slightly push the door, and it’s open…

another lesson is to never go into a stranger’s home on your own, you might just find your bestfriend standing over him, covered in his blood, entranced by looking at him as if he’s being hypnotized.

when you make it out in the dark, it’s too late to step out, the door creaking open would create a noise and you’re not even sure how your legs would even budge.

jeong yunho is NOT a yandere, and he made it through the entire DAY not killing anyone but the night was a different story. he was paying mr. dino a little visit when he saw his phone, his whole group chat plan of making a sextape, of making it viral and then your chat, your emojis… oh god, why do you have to be so innocent?

or were you trying to test yunho? In which case, when he wipes his face and a little blood sticks there, he thinks he’s passed.

when he looks up at you, his face is only illuminated by the streetlight coming in from the gaps of the curtains, his face glinting in the sinister light.

and you step back as he moves near you.

“are you afraid of me?” his voice makes you jump, it’s the same voice he used to say “bye, take care, see you,” just hours ago to you. “are you really? when i’m the one who loves you the most?”

“babe, look, whatever i did, i did it for you. Do you know what would have happened if i wasn’t there? something much, much worse to you, and i can’t let anything happen to you, not while i can take care of it, okay?” you nod, “and if i let him go, he would have done the same thing to someone else, and you don’t want that do you?

you shake your head.

yandere!yunho, who, under the pretext of giving you a glass of water to “calm down, ” drugs you into a deep sleep and in his defense the pill was so visible that you should have noticed! what if it was someone else? what if yunho wasn’t around to protect you! yunho, who then takes you away to some place, where that is, you would never know, was it your city? was it the south part? the view outside the window was unfamiliar to you.

yandere!yunho who is so, so, so sad whenever you bring up that he has “trapped” you here because in his eyes, this was the perfect life! after all he had done for you, the least you could do was lie a little? you didn’t even have to move a finger, everything was at your disposal, then why weren't you happy?

freedom wasn’t that important.

he doesn’t give up though, he has hope, that once you will actually look into his eyes when he's talking to you and voluntarily, without spite in your eyes for him.

he believes that you will love him, once you've realized the extent of things he's done for you and the heights he’s willing to go to.

and he promises to do whatever it takes to protect you. always and forever.

[waywardsou2]

There is something so captivating about Dabi's story.

As someone who thrives on angst his story is immaculate from a creators perspective. I mean how you do you manage to write a villain that still seems to have some justifiable points despite all the atrocities he has committed.

Just to list them here but Dabi, attacked a UA teacher and pro, kidnapped a student, killed many civilians and heros with no justification at all, attacked students and unarmed civilians, hired criminals to put his family in harm's way and tried to kill his brother and his father...

Like those are some heavy crime and yet...some of the things he says feels right, in my mind I'm so conflicted because some part of me feels like he's a character that can be saved but I know he can't. The way he was treated as a child, the life he was forced to live. You don't forget things like that especially from a young age. Your parents are your whole world. They define it. And the way Enji defined and then tried to back track on his own actions there was no way Toya was ever going to come back from that.

Which is why Dani was created. I think I feel for Dabi so much despite our home lives being nothing the like because like him that little boy-Toya died one day and Dabi was born in his place.

My younger self still lives inside of me as I protected them from all the trauma we faced into the future.

Dabi is like what I was for younger me.

I know this sounds crazy and I am talking absolute shit right now but I wasn't joking when I said MHA alters my brain chemistry. I just need to get this out so I don't go a little stir crazy like I did last time.

Most of the villains as well not just Dabi all are in some way justifiable

Spinner was shunned from society for how he looked. Something he couldn't help thanks to his quirk

Toga was abandoned by her family because her quirk gave her urges she couldn't control

Jin got a bad lot in life and this mental health collapsed when he had no one left to hold him up.

Shiggy just wanted to be a hero and instead was pushed to his limit and lost control. Ruining his own life because his father couldn't let go of his own past

And that really hits hard for me. I realised recently that my dad feels the need to control my life because of the fact that his childhood was filled with trauma. Trauma that is still unresolved.

I get the villains on a personal level because all they needed was someone who would stand by their side and help them get back on their feet...and no one did.

And I think that's why they were so important to me a few years back. Because I was in the middle of the shit storm I called my life and they felt like the only things that made sense, the only things that had any ideas what it was like to be knocked down and have no one help you back up...and I think that's why my emotions are all over the place today because now that I've fought my way out of that stage in my life and decided to revisit one of the most prominent things from that time I'm realising all of these things about why I thought the way I did, and why certain characters meant so much to me.

I can't believe it's taken me so long to notice all of this

[deathlooksgoodonyou-if]

AAAAAAAHHH!!! Just found your If and I can already say that I can feel myself bitting at the bars of my cell, this is SO GOOD!

I'm already obsessed about so many different parts of this story and the demo hasn't even come out yet!! So I'm going to do what my little heart and messed up brain can and word vomit about my little fucked up MC!

So, you said they had a rough upbringing and that their situationship with Jules was also not healthy, so I did the sane thing and started projecting on them!

My little guy, my baby boy Kyrin, is absolutely not coping well and he mostly decides that any mean thoughts or emotions that surface are nothing important and immediately bottles them up for another day, month, year. They will never let anyone see under their mask because, well, why would anyone need to know? They like this version of him, so no matter how many things he has to say or thinks, they won't ever see the light of day.

And he does his best to seem like a well adjusted member of society, he even makes some friends (which to him is an epic win!!), and then he meets Jules.

And sadly, for everyone involved, it seems they match each other's freak.

Kyrin and Jules share something in common. Love is strange and scary for them, never having felt this strongly about anyone before, they have no idea how to handle it.

Kyrin, completely fumbling this whole new human experience, loves too hard and too bright. He wants Jules to like them, to spend time with them, to get any shred of attention from them as he can. And he doesn't even understand why.

Jules, of course also doesn't understand this love thing, and is in result scared by it.

The obvious happens.

It's when Jules begins dating another person that Kyrin's mask breaks. Years of anger, grief and a thousand other things finally breaking the camel's back.

Things get messy. Kyrin is angry. Jules is angry. They can't find a middle ground. Bridges are burnt.

And then Jules is murdered.

Kyrin is left alone, mask broken and a whole lot of emotions to sort through for the first time in a long time.

At this point, in the present, Kyrin is less of a wet cat and more of a feral stray kitten. Scared, angry and functioning entirely on his fight or flight mode.

With everything going on, he will absolutely choose to close himself off from others, feeling terrified of being so vulnerable and with so much in his plate that putting on his mask is near impossible at this point.

I have ideas of what I want his story to be, no pressure to add anything of this of course.

His main arc would be obviously getting his shit together and finally figuring himself out as a person but that's going to be pushed far back on the line of things to care about with the whole murderer on the lose and the incarnation of his grief, loss and self hate coming to haunt him.

For romance, it'll be a real hit or miss as the only one I can see him even willingly getting close is Mia and that is mostly because of the whole 'She will hurt you' part. After Jules passing, Kyrin absolutely doesn't believe they can or should be loved and that train of thought will only be reinforced by the new mean Jules in his head.

Of course, this is a big maybe because if that sanity stat does what is says, and by god I hope it does (little guy so fucked up that he is taking control of the narrative!!), then Kyrin will either kill someone or himself before the story ends. I want that stat as low as it can go!

Either way, this is going to be a really messy ride with an even messier ending and I can't wait for it!

kyrin is such a gorgeous, gorgeous name! He gives off major "I confuse instinct for desire. Isn't bite also touch?" vibes. 😭😭

I love it when people talk about their MCs in my asks. It helps me understand what y'all want and write them better. 🫶

[stxrvel]

loneliness is not my thing (2)

series summary: you woke up from a long coma with no memory of a part of your life only to be told by your teammates that you're married to the man you hated seven years ago. even though that seemed to be the only problem, as time goes on you're realizing there's a lot more history and mystery behind the accident that left you in medical care for months. blackouts, more memory loss, mistrust and a strange man who seems to be connected to everything. every day it gets harder to trust anyone around you, but you won't stop until you can finally uncover the truth behind the accident.

chapter summary: a talk with Bucky could end up uncovering and unleashing that part of you that you were always trying to keep under control.

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: +5k

warnings: i think none? let me know if i should add some!

note: hey you guys!! i can't believe the love you all gave the first part of this fic, and also the love you gave to the outbreak! its surely insane. thank u all for your support, and know that i'll always try to be better and write better and just give you guys the best. i love all of your comments, sorry if i don't reply to them, but i really really really love reading them! the feedback is just what keeps me going. really thank u all 💜. as always, i hope you like this second part! let's see what comes next for pt. 3

masterlist | next | series masterlist

The road to recovery was a difficult one, and if anyone knew about it, it was definitely Bucky Barnes.

It was what everyone had been telling you since you arrived. Besides constantly insisting that you should be careful about everything you did and not overexert yourself, talking about Bucky was another thing that people around you constantly did. You hadn't said that to him the last time you'd seen him, because he seemed angry enough with what little you'd said to him without adding something to it that you didn't even know what it might add to the conversation.

But yes, apparently Bucky was quite a preacher when it came to the path of self-healing. And seven years was just too long... You would have been much more surprised if it was the other way around, that you were still two adults with the minds of children who constantly poked each other with offensive words and backbiting. Maybe thinking Bucky had changed wasn't so crazy after having a whole year to consider it. You'd never had so much silence from him as you did most of the time you were in the hospital.

You wanted to learn more about it. More about him. But you never felt you had the right time to talk to him at length. At first, yes, it was too complicated to take in what he had told you. You two, married? The worst of your nightmares. But eventually you could begin to notice the change, even though his old attitude was still fresh in your memory. Then, just when you felt ready to start trying, the others showed up.

You would never have thought that learning to tolerate people would be such a complicated task until you found yourself in that situation. You were grateful to them, of course, their concern touched you… but to what extent?

You were uncomfortable with their looks and words and, although you managed to give yourself space by letting them know you didn't want them to keep talking about you and Bucky, the discomfort never really went away. And you just couldn't deal with it anymore. Surely, that was what had caused Bucky to pull away from you more and more. You also thanked him for his understanding, but you felt the scales were very unbalanced.

When he told you he would talk to Tony about giving you more space, you took it as a good sign. You could finally have a more private space to live.

What you didn't expect, of course, was to spend a whole week in complete solitude.

You didn't know what was worse.

You thought for a moment that it would be a gradual change and not all at once, and you hardly knew how to handle it. Sometimes you would leave the wing you were settled in and walk around the Complex, hoping to find someone, but it seemed like everyone had been wiped off the face of the earth. There was no one you could meet walking around.

So, at the end of the week you wanted to talk to Bucky again. You thought being like this might be the solution, and it's not that you completely missed some conversations with others, but you did miss some social interaction, and with some boundaries you were sure you could get some good stuff.

“What the hell are you doing up there?”

Your head was up, pointing directly at the figure sitting on a thick branch of a large tree. The woman had an impassive look on her face, but you could tell you had taken her by surprise.

You were taking one of those walks that, rather than being routine, you took hoping to run into someone. Although you had the feeling that you would end up doing it as a routine. And now you were finishing, when you were walking around the green area of the Complex, you happened to look up at the sky and you found Carol Danvers in the middle of the landscape.

“I'm… relaxing,” she barely answered you, clasping her hands together and waving her legs in the air. She almost looked innocent.

“Aha,” you nodded, not quite convinced. “I hadn't seen you in days.”

“Bucky was very clear in his instructions.”

“Instructions?”

“Yeah, he was very specific in asking us not to return to the wing and not to cross your path even by accident. Very intimidating, if you ask me.”

You watched Carol frown reflexively as you weighed her response. That, clearly, answered the questions that were rattling around in your head. But still…

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why did he do that? I didn't tell him what I told him to get everyone out of my life - he didn't even tell me what he wanted to do!”

Carol let out a laugh and it was your turn to frown.

“You can't imagine the things that man would do for you.”

You sighed heavily.

“But I didn't want to be left alone either.”

“That's understandable,” Carol nodded. “It's true that we overreached. You had reason to be uncomfortable and Bucky had reason to be angry. The least we could have done was to be on our best behavior and we failed at that too.”

You processed her apology, but over analyzed her words.

“You failed at that too?”

As soon as you finished asking the question, Carol's face froze. You knew she was known for being careful with her words, and she was the only one in the whole group who could really exercise prudent behavior. She didn't like assumptions or double-talk, unless it was necessary or for a bit of fun. But on a subject like that, you knew she had to be very precise with every word that left her mouth.

So, you didn't waste the opportunity to bring it up even though you knew she would most likely dismiss the topic as if it wasn't something relevant.

“Yes, well… The accident was an intelligence error. We all got complacent, thought the mission would go excellent and smoothly. But we were wrong.”

You didn't expect her to actually give you an answer. Vague, but an answer after all. You tried to fill in the gaps in your head with the information she gave you, but besides being something completely inconclusive, it gave you a big twinge in your head, like every time you tried to remember something.

Sometimes you didn't understand how the doctor said it was possible that you could recover your memory when you faced situations like that. That headache you got when you tried to evoke some recent memory seemed like a wall of miles of concrete that you couldn't break down except with thousands and hundreds of years of hammering on it.

That's how far away and impossible it felt.

“Don't do that,” you heard Carol's voice.

You had lowered your head when you felt the sting and, as always, the light began to bother you. You didn't realize at what point she stepped off the tree branch, but suddenly you felt her beside you holding your shoulders.

“The doctor said to avoid, specifically, forcing your memories. They will come on their own at some point.”

“This sucks,” you barely mumbled as the pain began to subside. “It feels like… having someone else inside my head. My lost memories feel like someone else.”

“I get that.”

You straightened up and began to follow the path back to the Complex at the foot of Carol, who still kept an arm around you just in case. You turned to look at her when she spoke, remembering what she had told you about her past.

“At least you know what you're looking for. The road is full of rocks, but it won't be endless. At some point you'll find a river and walk right into the truth.”

“I hope so.”

“Be patient. And don't force yourself. You'll be fine.”

You pursed your lips unable to keep a feeling of disgust from coursing through your body. Carol was right, like everyone else when they talked about it, and suddenly her advice should carry more weight having been through a similar situation herself, but that did absolutely nothing to alleviate the hollowness you constantly felt in your chest.

Dealing with the situation was easier when you only thought about the present. When you thought your only problem was what to eat for your three meals a day, what movies to see, which sides of the Complex to walk on, and that was it. Everything was perfectly fine when you focused only on the problems you had in the moments instantly.

The real issue came when you had to remind yourself that you weren't living in an everyday situation.

You had an accident. You lost your memory. You spent a year in the hospital. You found out you had a husband. You went to live in a space in the Complex completely isolated to yourself because the stress of the environment there could affect you psychologically. You were constantly living your days… for existing.

Having lost your memory, in addition to taking away the opportunity to continue to grow in your interpersonal relationships, also took away the opportunity to continue working. You were a SHIELD agent, but you weren't cleared for any kind of mission until further notice. And when would that notice come? You had no idea. Basically, you were living in limbo.

You were constantly trying to focus only on the problems of the present because they were things you could more easily deal with. Maybe that's why, despite being a nuisance at times, you appreciated the company of the team. And maybe that's why at the time you didn't miss the loneliness. Not that loneliness that gave way to unhealthy thoughts and hopeless feelings instead of allowing you moments of reflection. You felt you had developed an apathy to loneliness. Or a fear… It was hard to know exactly.

But you had to merge it all into your routine at some point. Learn to deal with both at the same time. Learning to live with the fact that there were millions of things that others remembered and you didn't, while trying to live with creating new experiences to treasure.

Living one problem at a time.

“If you really feel that way, you should go back and talk to Bucky. I can talk to the others and try to set rules and boundaries.”

You raised your head to find yourself in front of the rear entrance to the Complex that Tony had set up so you wouldn't have to walk through all the clutter of agents and clerks at the main entrance. It was a black door that blended in with the rest of the wall, and behind it was a short hallway that led directly to an elevator that had only one number available to go up.

“Yes, that would be ideal,” you nodded thoughtfully, as you walked toward the elevator after closing the door. “Of all the things I could have imagined when I woke up, the least likely, almost impossible, would have been guessing my current relationship with Bucky.”

Carol barely let out a laugh as she rang the elevator with the single button to her left.

“Despite losing your memories, you're not much different than you were in the last few years. Really the only thing that changed was everything that went along with your lousy relationship with Bucky. When you two patched things up, it was like everything fell back into place. The sun came out and the birds sang.”

You laughed with Carol as you entered the elevator and pushed the button with the number five on it.

“I guess it can happen again, right?” you questioned quietly, as you ascended to the third floor.

“It's possible. But don't hold on to what was. You can also chart a new path.”

--

You felt nervous. Your mind was predisposed to disaster. You had taken chamomile tea, but it had given you nothing more than a sudden urge to go to the bathroom. Every second that passed felt like an eternity, and you couldn't conceive that you could ever feel excited at the thought of talking to Bucky. Because what you were feeling at that moment could almost be related to panic. Despite the months that had passed and what you knew of his new version, you still panicked at the thought of talking to him alone.

You had been staring at the door for a while expecting him to show up at any moment, but it felt like you had been sitting there for hours waiting for the same thing. You hated feeling that uncomfortable tingling in your limbs and the nervousness whipping your stomach with an empty feeling. You especially hated it even more knowing that Bucky was the reason you felt this way. A year hadn't been enough time to get used to the idea, it seemed, and still your mind was reluctant to accept the truth. Even though you were aware of what it did to him, what your rejection made him feel, you still couldn't put yourself in a situation other than unwilling. It was like acting against your nature.

Carol had told you that she would tell Bucky to meet you because, like the others, you hadn't seen him again either. She knew where to find him so she told you not to worry about that.

She also told you that the reason everyone seemed to have fallen off the map was because they had started having missions much more often than before. Whoever was making life miserable for them and the rest of the population seemed to have been relentless for days. Carol told you that everything had been manageable until the beginning of last week, when the attacks and disappearances had been more frequent.

She then mentioned that it was unlikely that you would ever see everyone gathered in the same room for more than an hour again, or even a small group of them.

That was all he said.

You asked more questions, like who the person was who was causing these disturbances, or why they wre doing them, but she refused to continue the conversation. She said something about stress and trauma that you could barely understand, but her conclusion was that it was the doctor's express mandate not to talk to you about work. And it seemed that especially about that person who was wreaking havoc in the cities.

The door rang when you were deep in thought.

You moved your gaze just to meet Bucky's clear eyes. A choking sensation suddenly came over you.

His gaze was not tense, as you used to remember it, and he moved his body gracefully across the room; he no longer seemed to carry the sin of the world on his shoulders. His calm expressions made you feel more at ease, coupled with what you had lived and experienced with him over the past year, but you still felt the nervousness come back stronger.

“Carol told me you needed to talk to me.”

You watched him approach without moving an inch from your place at the table, and noticed his brow furrow in concern. At some point, you would have connected that expression with anger, with weariness or annoyance, but his warm, welcoming eyes made you feel like you had no reason to feel cornered.

“Yes, uhm… I wanted to talk to you about the team.”

“What?” Bucky spoke up instantly, his brow furrowing even more. “Have they been bothering you again? Because I was very clear last time-”

“No! That's not why. That's not what I meant,” you rectified quickly when you felt his tone of voice deepen. The lightness with which he used to address you seemed to have taken a vacation when he thought your time was still being disturbed. “I just wanted to tell you that… uhm…”

Damn nervousness. You interlocked your hands under the table and clasped them tightly. You tried to keep a cool expression so as not to alert the man in front of you, and the very thought struck you as odd.

“You didn't need to ask them to leave.”

You finally spoke, and when you looked back to see him, you could make out his peculiar grimace of confusion.

“I really appreciate what you're doing for me, Bucky. It's very… thoughtful,” you would never have thought you'd say all those words in the same sentence. “But I'd really prefer not to always be alone.”

You saw how his features remained mostly intact, but his eyes gave away what was going through his mind. He still looked confused, but he was already walking down the path you were putting together.

“I know what I said. My way of expressing myself was perhaps a bit over the top. But in my defense I didn't think you were going to go and ban them all from ever coming back in. I would never have guessed it.”

Bucky sighed, and you noticed at last how he relaxed his body. Ever since you mentioned the others, his shoulders had tensed and he had leaned forward as if ready to run off and hand out scoldings.

You watched his eyes wander over the table as you two lapsed into a silence that you couldn't tell if it was uncomfortable, comfortable, strange, not at all welcome, or welcome. You had mixed feelings about how to feel in the face of their silence. God, the things you'd come to…

“Okay,” you heard him reply after another few seconds in (un)comfortable silence. “So you'd prefer to see them more often, regularly, but just be less invasive. Something like that?”

“Maybe,” you nodded. “I don't know how I used to be before the accident, but I know that right now I don't feel as willing to talk about some issues.”

“That's okay,” Bucky nodded quickly at your words. “I'll talk to them then. I'll take what you tell me into consideration.”

You mimicked his gesture positively, and gave him a tight-lipped smile.

Okay, now what?

Before your head could start making a problem from the size of a pin to the size of a mountain, Bucky took the floor again.

“How have you been feeling? I mean, physically.”

You blinked a couple of times before answering.

“I've been fine. Sometimes I get a headache, but that's when I'm trying to remember something.”

You saw him nod with his full attention devoted to you. His brow furrowed, but this time in concentration, you were sure.

“You haven't been able to remember anything?”

“No, I haven't.”

You shook your head and felt that strange hopelessness hug your chest. You didn't like to think that sometimes people lived with a conception of you in their heads that you couldn't fill. You felt that they were always waiting for something. The expectation of one day seeing you and you being that person they used to remember. It was hopeless. You thought that no matter how hard you tried, you were never going to reach that version of you that had been erased from your head that everyone was used to. Why would that happen? Even with someone like Bucky, whose relationship between the two of you you didn't remember on good terms, you feared you couldn't exceed those expectations.

“You know,” the voice of the man in front of you brought you back to the present. You shook your head to rid yourself of those thoughts and focus on his words. “If you wanted to someday, you could get out of the Complex and go somewhere in the city. Maybe meet or just walk around.”

“Can I do that?”

Bucky frowned. “Sure. Why couldn't you?”

You looked down at your clasped hands.

“I don't know. I thought part of my recovery included always being here.”

“Ah. Well, that would be the most advisable thing to do, but as long as you're accompanied by someone I don't think there would be any downside.”

“Really?”

“Sure. You can ask anyone to accompany you. We all know the city well. And if that someone isn't busy, I'm sure they'd be happy to accompany you.”

“I definitely will. I've seen some interesting things online that I'd like to see in person.”

Bucky gave you a small smile before speaking. “Then get to work.”

And he stood up. Suddenly, you felt the panic sweep through you again. Was he going to leave already? You felt your heart drop to your stomach and you stretched out the fingers on your hands as he started walking.

“Well, I'll leave you. I have some mission reports to fill out. Report them to Fury before midnight. Most boring part of this job, honestly.”

Every word out of his mouth made him stand an inch farther away and you suddenly didn't like that feeling. You wanted to speak up and stop him, but your head was making you keep your mouth shut with your muddled thoughts hovering over every part of the room. You could almost see every possibility and every word clearly around the room. It was chaotic. You felt chaotic.

Bucky turned to see you, and when your gaze met his, everything stopped in an instant.

“You used to love doing that paperwork.”

The world slowed down to that moment. For a second, you could only perceive his body focused directly at you and his sparkling eyes that told you more than you could comprehend. You felt an itch in your fingertips and had the urge, for a second, to rush out to his side.

That was the part of you you didn't know. The part of you that your head was always fighting with. The memory of your body. The instincts that surfaced every time you experienced a strong feeling. Your head didn't remember it, but your body did. And your rationality was always fighting against the instincts of your body, because it was reluctant to a reality it didn't know. It was all so unfamiliar that you had no choice but to keep yourself in a constant tide of alertness.

There were never any dangers around you, but you always felt the need to be prepared to defend yourself.

That was one of those moments.

“A lot of things I hated to do you loved to do,” Bucky spoke again, this time redirecting his gaze elsewhere in the room as he seemed to be flooded with memories.

His longing face touched you and, for the first time, it looked like your body was going to beat your head.

You got up from the table and Bucky's head moved quickly, as if pulled out of a reverie. He watched you for a couple of seconds in silence, and when you said nothing, he shook his head.

“If you need me, I'm in B wing. Floor five. Room four.”

And without further ado, he turned around again, ready to leave the room.

“Wait!” you exclaimed louder than necessary. You cringed at how loud your voice came out and what it implied that it sounded almost like a prayer. It startled you, and you wanted to disappear when his body turned as he was about to grab the doorknob to open the door.

His eyes… his eyes told you everything. If only you knew the language they spoke; if only you could pay a little more attention; if only you could hold him a little closer…

You felt fear at the path your thoughts were taking. Your body's instincts were taking over the mechanism that kept you from losing your sanity.

“Y/N, you don't have to tell me anything. I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable that I said that. I shouldn't have-”

“It didn't make me uncomfortable,” you replied quickly, interrupting him. “It's just… sometimes I don't know how to handle these emotions.”

Bucky nodded.

“I don't know how to… handle you.”

“Handle me?”

“Handle what you cause in me.”

You watched him take a big breath in, his shoulders moving noticeably as he took a deep breath. You didn't know if he wanted to talk or if he wanted to stay silent so you would continue, but you didn't give yourself much time to think about it.

“Sometimes I feel like this whole thing is beyond me, you know, but other times I feel a huge familiarity with what's around me and it's like I've been to that place a million times before.”

You let go of your clasped hands and felt exposed. Talking like that made you feel vulnerable, even though you sensed you should have had that kind of conversation with him before. But that didn't change the fact that the discomfort didn't go away, nor did the need to let him know.

You were barely processing the words coming out of your mouth as your own ears picked them up, as if you were automatically reciting the writing your heart has practiced. The things that part of you had been keeping quiet for a long time had found its way out of you, to express yourself because keeping quiet and silent was turning it into a slave of suffering.

“That's how I feel with you… sometimes. Like I can't handle what I feel and what I think, but other times I feel like I've seen you a million times already, that I've felt this way a million times. And that you've looked at me that way a million times too.”

Bucky stood static in front of you, and his eyes never left yours. The intensity with which his gaze penetrated yours almost made you cringe, because you might not understand all that he was silent and showing through his eyes, but boy was he a man who knew the power of expressing a feeling through the window of his soul. You could almost touch through the masses of air the love he used to profess for you. That he professed still.

“I don't even know what's right and what's wrong because my mind has a limited view of the whole situation. I want to remember and at the same time I'm terrified that I can't.”

“Nothing will change if you can't remember, Y/N.”

“Except everything will change if I never get my memories back. You know that. Don't tell me things like that to make me feel better.”

“I'm not doing that. I don't want to lie to you. I just don't want you to feel like you're failing everyone by not doing it. That's completely out of your will, you know that?”

Reluctantly you nodded. You longed mightily for his words to be a relief, but the storm of emotions didn't go away. On the contrary, the mess inside you grew much bigger. You seemed to feel things far more powerful than your mind could handle.

“The point is, I wish I could learn to handle it all. Because maybe that's the way back to what it was before. By learning to handle it, I'd also stop feeling like I'm going to explode just because you look at me or because you don't.”

“That might be true,” Bucky agreed with you, cocking his head to one side, and for the first time in several minutes his body moved across the room. He seemed to want to move closer to you, and you felt the entire space around you shrink into a small room. The distance was monumentally disastrous, and you didn't know if you wanted him farther away or closer. “Maybe surrounding yourself with familiar things might help you remember, do you want us to try?”

With the tone of voice he was managing, you didn't know if you were sure what he was referring to. You watched his body move closer and closer until you were barely a step away. As you watched him closer, you could tell more closely that he wore an expression you had never known before. He was so very, very relaxed, his eyelids drooping a little lower over his eyes; you didn't even notice any trace of the wrinkles that hinted that he was worried, stressed or confused. No, that expression was confident and calm, the way you feel just after taking a shower before going to bed. It was that kind of domestic, familiar, homey calm that provided the certainty of knowing you were in a safe place.

The Bucky you saw in front of you must have been the one he used to be before the accident.

“And how would we do that?” you could barely muster.

Bucky cocked his head to one side and grimaced as if he was thinking very hard about an answer. His gesture brought a smile to your face. Despite the tension that had suddenly formed between you, you didn't feel the need to run away. Rather, you felt enveloped, precisely, in a safe place.

“I could accompany you on a tour of the city.”

And the idea didn't strike you as crazy at all. In fact, when he had mentioned it, the only person you had thought you might ask had been him.

And you had thought that would be the most extravagant thing you could say to him.

“How about it?” Bucky added to his suggestion, a small lopsided smile gracing his face.

“Sounds like a good idea,” you nodded, your own smile lighting up your face.

The man in front of you nodded, that sense of reassurance never leaving him for a moment. You felt as if you were inside a bubble of unwavering peace.

“Would tomorrow be okay?” Bucky asked.

You pretended to think about it the same way he had before.

“Let me check with my schedule. You know I have very busy days.”

The laugh you drew from his mouth felt like the biggest of prizes. Still apprehensive to accept those emotions, even your mind yielded to the power of Bucky Barnes' melodious laugh. Your defenses were nil at that moment.

“All right. Fair enough.”

And in less than a second, he turned around to walk back in the direction of the door. You felt a chill run through you from the space he had been occupying in front of you.

“When you get your answer, you know where to find me.”

And he walked out of the room. That time you couldn't stop him.

You stood there for several seconds staring at the door trying to process what had happened. You felt like you had just come out of a trance and were experiencing the aftermath one after another without respite.

Your mouth also felt dry.

When you regained consciousness and came out of that space in your head, you began to make your way out of the room. Strangely you felt that something was missing. The interaction you had had with Bucky had felt like deja vu. And now that it was over it felt almost wrong.

You walked in the direction of the exit from that wing of the Complex that led directly to an entrance to the section where you were staying. On your way, you kept repeating Bucky's expressions and in the end his tone of voice so calm, so familiar and so unfamiliar that it had your heart doing somersaults.

You didn't even know at what point the whole situation turned against you. First you came completely reluctant to still accept that there was a part of you that seemed to act instinctively when Bucky was near, only to end up just inches away from him accepting that basically you could still perceive those love-related emotions that you didn't know how to interpret. But you wanted to, of course, you had to make that clear to him.

Your mind for the first time was at ease and your heart felt like it was where it belonged. Your guard was so low that you couldn't even foresee what would happen next.

Your vision went white, accompanied by an extremely sharp pain in the back of your head. You could barely groan from the pain as your knees gave way under the weight of your body and you fell to your knees a few feet from the door.

You felt your little heart pumping blood to its maximum capacity, but you couldn't process what was happening.

You closed your eyes tightly, a thunderous beeping sound echoed in your ears.

Suddenly all your senses were magnified exponentially. The ground above your knees felt so scratchy that even through the fabric of your jean you could feel the friction of the material with the dust molecules. What little wind you could feel coming directly from the air conditioner sounded so loud in your ears that it began to dull the sound of the deafening beeping. You didn't know how your vision was, but closing your eyes so tightly caused a strange pain in your eyelid and it didn't take long for the tears to start building up and sliding freely down your cheeks.

You didn't understand what the fuck was going on.

The only thing you remembered was Bucky in a million scenarios. A bunch of images all projecting at the same time inside your head. A hundred words and sighs. A countless amount of sensations.

You felt and perceived everything at the same time.

Until everything was silence and darkness.

--

Tag: @stray-npc

[legobiwan]

[sliding you a 20] do you have any thoughts on super dimentio

hoooo hooo ho ho ho ho ho ho

Yes. Many, many thoughts. Uhhhh, this got a little long. It's been a hot minute since I've been able to wax ineloquent about this topic (one of my favorite topics). It's also 3AM and I have unbelievable insomnia right now, so caveat lector and all that jazz. I'm not exactly sure what I'm writing here, but it's a lot of writing ahhahahaha.

I think it's very interesting that Count Bleck was not a vessel for the Chaos Heart, nor was Dimentio (at least initially). Bleck commanded the Heart's power and was protected by said power due to his knowledge of the Prognosticus, but the only person who could actually be a vessel for the heart was Luigi.

And why our man in green? I have a theory about the Prognosticus and its prophecies, that they were less specific than the book's wielders would have thought. After all, prophecy requires belief and thus simple statements are woven into paths of self-inflicted destiny. I don't think Luigi was the only being who could have hosted the heart, but he was, as it were, the right man for the job in the right place at the right time.

Now, let's remember that Luigi was turned into his monster form before Dimentio merged with him and Chaos Heart. Dimentio didn't have to do that. He absolutely could have pulled a Bleck and just puppeteered monster!Luigi around while enjoying the benefits of the Chaos Heart's protective shield. But he chose to merge with the Heart and with Luigi. To gain more power? Or just for the lulz? I'm tempted to say that Dimentio only thought this through partway, that his "spicy concoction" was a bit of improv that would reap eventual benefits that he might not have realized at the time.

And what would those benefits be? Well, let's think about this. The Chaos Heart is essentially an immortal force that can't be destroyed, only delayed. Now that Luigi and Dimentio merged with heart, this means all those atoms went into the metaphysical blender and now there's a bit of the Chaos Heart in Luigi and Dimentio (and a bit of Dimentio in Luigi and vice-verse), all of which has fascinating implications.

Because, if you have even a part of an immortal force that's now part of you - what does that do to your own mortality? I'm pretty convinced the only reason Luigi isn't dead at the end of SPM is the Chaos Heart. (And Dimentio might be in the Underwhere, but if Luigi survived, then Dimentio isn't 100% done, either). And this begs the question, then - can Luigi die? Will he age naturally after this whole event? I have...some definite opinions on this that I don't want to reveal quite yet (I will get back to writing once this stupidly busy semester is finally over), but I do think it's fitting that the man who deals with the undead on the regular might just have a little bit of paranormal going on himself.

And that doesn't even touch the idea that Luigi may have inherited a bit of Dimentio's magic (and madness, possibly). (Okay, so I do love the idea of Luigi just snapping his fingers one day and a box appearing out of nowhere. Just...the angst possibilities are so, so delicious. Yes, this might happen in one of my stories. :D

But getting back to Super Dimentio...I wonder how conscious Luigi was for that whole episode. My thought is that he was not so much in the driver's seat, not due to the Chaos Heart, but due to the Floro Sprout stripping away all of his free will. (Which means Luigi never actually made a decision, as written in the Prognosticus and is another reason I firmly believe the whole drama with the Chaos Heart and Dimentio is so not resolved at the end of SPM). You have to ask - if Dimentio had managed to get Luigi to join his side of his own free will (and I think he could have made that happen, if he had had more time to manipulate Luigi) - would Luigi have been able to control his monster form? Survey says (survey of one, that is) "yes."

And poor Mario throughout all of this. You have to figure that the moment he caught sight of his brother in that form, Luigi dead in his mind. And this is why, unlike Mr. L, I think Mario would have no guilt about destroying Super Dimentio. Luigi, at that point, was gone.

Except he wasn't, as we know. And now Mario has to come to terms with the fact that he twice tried to kill his little brother, because the only way to save the world was to destroy the one person who meant everything to him. And he would never do that. And didn't. Because Luigi was dead the moment that monster appeared. But Luigi wasn't dead. And this is what Mario shoves far, far down into the deepest recesses of his consciousness. He never wants to think about that battle again, he can't stop himself from seeing that terrible image every time he lays eyes on his brother once they're back in the Mushroom Kingdom.

And Luigi? He knows something is off. Mario is acting weird. Luigi himself feels weird and he can't quite place what the issue is, what that itch in the back of his brain is trying to tell him. Why he tends to tilt his head at any question, why his laugh has gained a sharpened edge, why that little voice that always told him to be careful, you could get hurt is quieter than it has been in years.

The day he greets Mario with a lilting "Ciao," a word foreign on his tongue no matter what his last name might suggest otherwise - that's the day it clicks.

That's the night he finds his brother passed out on the couch, two empty bottles of Mushroom wine toppled on their sides.

That's the night Luigi packs his bag and walks out the front door in search of answers.

[dior-luxury]

hello i hope you have a nice day!! i was wondering if you could write headcanons of (yandere if you'd like) Jade and Floyd (separately) dating a mc who is a close friend of Ace, and Ace has a crush on them. like, would they feel jealous? or would they threaten Ace or something? feel free to delete this if i requested this wrongly and have a nice day once again <3

𝑨𝒄𝒆 𝑯𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑨 𝑪𝒓𝒖𝒔𝒉 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝑺/𝑶

₊˚ ✧ ‿︵‿୨୧‿︵‿ ✧ ₊˚

Note: My first yandere request! Yay! ~ It's a pleasure to have these two guys as my first :)!!

♡ Characters: Floyd & Jade [YANDERE]

| Relation: Dating

♡ Dictionary: None

| Warnings: Yandere behavior, possessiveness, jealousy, clinginess, thoughts of murder, mentions of guilt-tripping - threating - manipulation, threatening, manipulation.

♡ Content: Reaction/Bulleted Hc's.

Floyd Leech:

Floyd would without a doubt be very jealous.

Now, it's not really decided on his opinion on Ace alone- but we'll say that before this, he acted like 'normal Floyd' around him. Though knowing Floyd, and his yandere behavior added together... he's not going to like him.

He only has any 'positive' emotions when he's with you. That being said, Floyd now then is going to view him as lower-class than him, a true nuisance-- a commoner even.

It's interesting how Floyd has a strong opinion of someone he barely knows. I mean the two are in the 'Basketball Club' together, so at least they would be acquaintances with each other. This is surprising because Floyd's opinions on people don't come off strong-- unless you did something. With that 'something' being how Ace has a crush on you.

It's really a mystery on how he found out about this, since I can't see Floyd ever finding about Ace having crush on you. Floyd doesn't ever seem as someone who can read social clues that well. Even though, I might be underestimating him a little.

But it's most likely that either Jade or Azul would have to tell him about Ace's feelings for you. Not like if a random person came up and said that Ace has a crush on you; he wouldn't believe them. It's because Floyd really only trusts Jade, Azul, with anything about you.

Would he actually try and get rid of Ace though? Yes, he could do it without even trying honestly. Floyd could intimidate him easily; I could see him just using his second-year card on Ace. That basically threatens Ace to not try anything because he has more experience with magic and fighting. It must be actually a miracle that he didn't kill Ace yet... for now.

I don't know how Jade even tolerates this behavior of Floyd's... it's as if Jade would be proud of him if it weren't for his yandere tendencies. Speaking of Jade and Floyd's relationship, I don't feel like he could control him- since he can't control his brother even with his 'normal' self. That being the canon version; Full of chaos, mood-swings, and more chaos. But now Jade has a Floyd that has 10 times the regular version of Floyd.

Anyways though... Floyd will get even more jealous if he keeps getting reminded of Ace's crush on you. To a point where he would be clingy to an extreme extent. Like he is clinging onto you for dear life.

"I don't want you hangin' around Crabby, Okaay?~♪""

Jade Leech:

. . . Imagine Floyd's reaction but worse.

Listen, Jade is extremely observant- and yet emotionally sensitive during people's interests; especially when it comes to you. So, it would only make sense if he already knew Ace's crush on you.

Though, it might be difficult to tell if he would actually act on knowing this information. Either it ends with him acting in a bad or 'good' way. It only depends on his mood.

If he were to act on it in a bad way, he would probably guilt-trip, manipulate, and threaten Ace. He will do this to the point of if either Ace backs off or he just doesn't talk to you anymore.

Or- there could be even a third option, a more extreme one. Which leaves for Jade getting rid of Ace from existence- completely. That being obviously murdering Ace, but it's not really likely that he'll actually kill him. He would only do that if he was pushed to.

An example of him being pushed to madness, would be you finding out about Ace's crush on you- or you somehow now realizing that you were dating an extreme yandere maniac.

I don't think that anyone from the outside, could even notice Jade's feelings of murderous tendencies. Since he's so good at even hiding his emotions- on the outside at least.

It's like someone else having a crush on you while the two of you are dating- sparked something in him. The sheer emotions of his new violent personality... that he now actually realized he had ever since.

"S/O, you shouldn't be hanging around Ace. He's a bad influence, have you already forgotten that he treats you poorly? When's the last time he said something nice? Let's see... didn't he insult you because you have no magic? That happened when you first came here... correct?"

[toomanyideasandfandoms]

Okay wait I have a fic idea for Alastor from Hazbin. And this is gonna be a long one so hear me out.

So R (what we calling the reader for this plot) is beginning to become the apple of Alastor's eye. But the thing is, no one fucking knows, not even Alastor. He's just weirdly focused on R a lot of the time, even going as far as preventing them from meeting any potential partners outside of the hotel.

This comes to ahead towards even cock blocking R, even cock blocking them masturbating. This of course frustrates R to the point of tears (I've been there OOF-), and they end up blowing up at Al over this when he prevents them from self pleasuring again. Once they calm down they become fearful and go "Oh fuck I'm gonna die" but instead of being ripped to shreds, instead Alastor just makes a purposal.

This purposal being that of him helping R with their "little problem", in exchange he asks R that if they ever get horny essentially they go to Alastor for help and not some random sinner. Of course R is just like "wait...what" and just is so weirded out cause...is this really Alastor???? Of course Al tells them they are perfectly fine with refusing, though that could just land them with even more frustration.

I can't explain how Al would manipulate R to eventually agreeing, but that happens. And then you can write out how you believe Alastor would engage in sex.

But I have my own headcanon on how I believe he would be with sex. So I'm gonna leave that under the cut.

So I kind of think Al doesn't really do intercourse? Not unless he's specifically is aware of his feelings for whoever caught his eye and is okay with them touching him. But since he's so touch avoidant that I personally feel like it can go in very few ways.

Basically I feel like his go to is mainly fingering and possibly oral. He just gives me major vibes of someone who wants to please his partner, but only for their satisfaction. Like not saying he wouldn't get some kind of pleasure for it, he would definitely need full control over the whole interaction.

Which leads me to also saying that I believe he would probably use some very light form of restraint or bondage to keep that control. Like I don't think he would be aware of it being a kink?? More so the logic would be "that way no risk of being touched" for him.

I could go on and on repeating what I've already said, but yeah. That's how I see it

[oneangstymotherfucker]

tw csa mention / k!nk mention

Something that gets to me about the anti mindset is that it doesn't seem to be able to account for the fact that we might be reading age-gap stuff from the younger person's perspective. Why do they always assume otherwise? (Of course it's okay if you do, but for this post im talking about the other side).

The truth is, sexuality cannot be completely severed from childhood experiences. From what I've read, most kinks and interests develop alongside the rest of our personality(ies). This is very normal.

It is also very normal to engage in 'pleasure seeking' as a child. Something feels nice on your body, so you keep doing it. I started when I was about six, and every therapist I've talked to has said that is normal.

The age during which you start understanding your bonds and relationships to other people is also very important, and since it affects your development and the rest of your life, going back to those ideas and looking at them can be very healing.

So it makes sense why anyone would be interested in metaphorically 'going back' to those times in their lives and exploring what they didn't have words or capacity to understand back then. Real children do not have the capacity to understand or cope with sex. They are not ready, and it would cause them harm. Maybe it did cause you harm. Fictional children are not real children. Fictional children are an extension of our own inner child, a way for us to process what we couldn't then now that we are safe and have more control of our lives. It doesn't undo the harm, but it can help you sort it out and move on from it.

So yeah, all of this is even more important if you have been hurt. I write about the ages 6-12 a lot because that's around the time I was hurt. It's not that im 'stuck there' or 'fetishizing' it (you can't 'fetishize' your own trauma) - I am doing work there. I am reclaiming it there. I am making sure the needy little 12 year old in me is safe and happy.

But as for me and myself- I was still afraid. I might always be. For a long time I couldn't even approach sexuality. When I finally did it was talking to old men online, trying to get them to believe I was much younger than I was, playing with them and seeing what they would say. That was what felt safe. The only 'part' of me that felt safe being sexual was the part that was still a kid.

I don't cope like that anymore. I found a way that I like better, that is more under my control and is way less risky to myself and the potential people i was talking to. And that is writing fiction!!!!

Through fiction I can set up places where all of me feels safe (even if it might not look safe to you or would not be safe in the real world!). I can create scenarios where I can work through my fears, provide comfort and safety, and make a good place for my kid self to figure things out (and yes, get off).

And it has been helping! We've been feeling safer and more confident since we started writing, and we've learned so much about ourselves and how to feel safe.

I studied psychology for four years. There isn't really terminology for a 'bad coping mechanism'. There is the idea of maladaptive coping mechanisms, but here's the thing- what makes a coping mechanism maladaptive is wether it causes more harm than good in the person's life on a case by case basis.

The idea that a random stranger thinks they have the authority over your life and your unique psychology to tell you that you are hurting yourself with your coping mechanisms is ridiculous. No stranger online knows - or should know - the details of your trauma or life. They have no say in what is good for you. If you are worried something might be hurting you or holding you back, that is for you and maybe a trusted professional to figure out. It is certianly not for some squicked teenager or anyone else online to dictate.

Also, sexuality and brains are really complicated. You don't need trauma (or to remember it) in order to enjoy something. You're allowed to ship any ship for any reason. Bonus points if one of the reasons is because it makes you happy, because you deserve to be happy!

All ships are just roleplays. All fics are just scenes. When I write I put up tags to let people know what's in the scene. I hold on good faith that they are reading the tags, and they that I am not tagging incorrectly. I give them my scene, and if they at any point don't like what I'm doing, they stop reading. It is really very simple!!!

Finally, if you do have sexual trauma, you don't ever have to 'sterilize' it or be 'pure' about it. It's okay to have leftover feelings and kinks and interests that might seem backwards or not make sense to other people. You don't have to conform to a bullshit 'good survivor' image of some saintly person who put all that behind them and avoids avoids avoids like a pure little virgin mary.

You can look at it if you want to. You can pull it apart with your hands, you can reclaim it and get off to it if you want to, you can share it with consenting others and let them get off to it too. That is all okay and good. That is just being human. You are okay.

[enbeemagical]

I need need need to know about Destiny please 🥹🥹

AIIII OKIE buckle in it's a bit of a ride

(the second one of those is them as a little kid, the other two they're more grown up)

They're human, fully an ordinary human up until they're not. Ordinary, I mean

They realized at about 13 that they were queer, and absolutely did not tell anyone and also tried to repress it bc they were raised to believe queer was Bad and Evil and blah blah blah (this is the emperor's fault and one of many reasons to hate him. he likes conformity and everyone doing what he says). That secrecy led to them also keeping their magic very very secret when it came in at 14.

Four years later they met a pretty faerie and kissed her. She was the first queer person they'd met, and they promptly ran away with her (this is when they choose the name Destiny) and got adopted into the same werewolf pack that'd taken her in. They are still keeping their magic secret, but now that they're dating a girl they start slipping more into their true self-- first a haircut, then 'pretending' to be a boy, to actually being a boy for a bit...

...to meeting a crow with no concept of human gender and figuring out they like 'they' best

Also by then they've half-accidentally revealed their magic. which is like. really fuckin powerful and also super rare bc everyone else with it gets taken away by the Emperor of the world and no one ever hears from them again

also the werewolves who adopted Destiny? are working with a network of rebels who are trying to take down the emperor. and they want Destiny's help. Des agrees, mainly bc they don't want to live in a world where they can't be true to themself, and they can help make things better

Annyyyways there is now a song about them (which I had to write, help (and then my friend is writing music for bc aaaaaa)) (in-story Vida wrote it)

their powers include: teleportation, elemental control (mainly fire bc they have a fire demon teacher, but they've also done earth and ice), transformation (another of their teachers is a werewolf), illusion, communication with their familiar, Nayan (the aforementioned crow- whose concept of gender is 'some of us lay eggs idk'), healing people, magically cleaning things (they used to always do the dishes this way), and yelling at people in power (Nayan calls this a threat display. Destiny calls it stop screwing with me Nox).

Other fun little things!

-given the language that we use, Des would probably id as nonbinary and bi/pansexual (partly depends on When storywise bc rn they're the only enby they know). as is they id as "I'm not a boy or a girl I'm a they" and "idk there are pretty people but the prettiest is Vida"

-their newest nickname for their girlfriend, Vida, is "meri jaan", or "my life". the first time they call her that is after Vida gets arrested for singing about Destiny. bc singing about how the king of the world is "a coward and a fucking fraud" and is going to get beaten by a young upstart mage is treason, who knew

-(they're so absolutely furious about this btw. it's very sweet)

-Destiny keeps being impulsive but it keeps working out so

-:)))

-I've said this before and I'll say it again: I love how Destiny was raised being told "don't give your name to strangers bc faeries can use it to steal you away" and then the first faerie they meet they try TWICE to give her their name and she says no (it's their deadname but it wasn't at that point)

-in a modern AU Des would be Indian or Indian-American and an activist, but I haven't figured out for exactly what. probably for queer rights, at least at first

-Destiny is 19 at the point I am in writing

-Nayan likes to call them "my Destiny" and when they speak out loud (as crows can do) they always choose Destiny's voice to speak with

-they like having long hair, but they do NOT like getting mistaken for a girl. After The Haircut that helps them realize some gendery stuff, they grow their hair out again even longer than before

-@plumblueflower had a part in making Des the way they are. specifically the Indian-coding bit <3

picrews

1: https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/69653

2: https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/186583

3: https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/1944831

[plain-personal-kin-blog]

Maybe it's not their actual opinion on the post game dynamic, but a lot of the shuake ship content seems to assume romance as a given, an inevitability.

I understand wanting to skip the long and arduous process of dealing with Akechi's many psychological problems, but there's a lot that needs to happen there.

To say that Akechi is damaged is an understatement. A "throwaway child" so desperate to show the world that he's not worthless, so desperate to be acknowledged by the father he hated, desperate for some form of justice, some form of revenge that he became his father's little pet assassin in a convoluted scheme to betray said father at his highest point with no real expectation to even survive past that... won't exactly be in a healthy mindset for a romantic relationship right away.

Also, consider the circumstances around the true ending. He fights so hard and so earnestly to go back to the true reality despite the fact he fully believes he's dead there. He doesn't want to live under Maruki's control. He doesn't want everything he is and everything he's done to be erased. He's burned away his regret and dread, he's accepted the way his story played out, the consequences for his choices. If he didn't already know it before, then by the end of it he definitely knows that Maruki brought him back to life to manipulate Joker. His first response to finding himself alive after all that would be fear. He certainly didn't have any more plans on surviving than he did during his sunk-cost fallacy revenge plot from hell.

He would want to know why and how he still alive. He has a gap in his memory from the engine room to his reappearance. He would need to know that he's not a fake or a piece in someone else's game brought back to toy with Joker's feelings again. He would need proof that... this is real. That it even could be real.

He's not someone who believes he deserves happiness. Joker does make him happy. You can't see his confidant route without seeing that. That fact is probably one of the reasons why the ship is so popular. But it's also why he wouldn't seek Joker right away. He doesn't want to be used against him. He doesn't want... to keep hurting him like that. And he doesn't believe that he should have a happy ending. He doesn't believe he CAN.

He hates himself. Seeking revenge, seeking justice for his dead mother while killing other people's parents. He's more than smart enough to realize the irony. He knew what it would mean to kill for this and understood that there's no going back from that point.

There's also the matter of what he would consider a very big question. The answer may seem obvious to you, but not to him.

Does Akechi really love Joker... or does he only feel the way he does because Joker gave him attention, real attention, caring enough to see past the mask of the second detective prince and still want him around? Akechi is immensely, overwhelmingly lonely. It's largely his own damn fault; he put up an act for everyone and trusted no one. The entire engine room scene is a testament to his loneliness, his emotional self-isolation reaching critical mass. Does he love Joker or is Joker the first person his age, possibly the first person ever, to give him what he truly wants?

There's also the problem he shares with a certain other boy in an earlier installment of the series who would love nothing more than to gaze at the setting sun with the protagonist by his side.

Conformity to and seeking acceptance in a homophobic society. Internalized homophobia. It's not the most difficult thing to deal with, especially in light of his other issues. You could write around it or even ignore it without too much trouble. There's plausible deniability to believe that 2016 personaverse Japan isn't homophobic. There's the fact that accepting that being very particular about his public image and avoiding being an outcast at all costs did nothing for him would clear away some of the hesitance from stigma. Homophobia, internalized or otherwise, isn't a central trait or even really touched upon in the game, and it's believable enough for him to be done with it by the end of the game.

Then there's Joker. Akechi did murder parents of two of his friends and try to assassinate him. Even if Joker were willing to accept Akechi back into his life, there is a lot of tension there. I suppose it's more or less up to interpretation how Joker feels, but there's definitely a problem there.

Maybe I'm reading too much into the characters. Akechi especially. I don't think he needs a whole redemption arc, but he needs the time, opportunity, and support to heal. He'll make his own redemption arc.

[marshmallowprotection]

how would saeyoung help a mc with dermatillomania?? i skin pick a lot(specially my face) due to anxiety and BFRB, i have many self esteem issues because my body always looks a little bit beat up, not to mention that it hurts 24/7 but it is just so hard to stop :((

it’s okay if you feel uncomfortable to write about it!! please take care of yourself and have a nice day <3

Saeyoung understands what it feels like to have a compulsion that you can't understand or control. It happens and there's not a lot you can do about it. It becomes almost like second nature to you in the worst moments.

When you get stressed out, you simply have to start plucking and pulling at things otherwise you won't feel good about yourself at all. However, by the time you realize that you're causing harm to your skin, the only thing you can do is patch yourself up and wallow in self-pity at the worst. He doesn't want you to beat yourself up.

He understands you can only do so much to control yourself. He has the same problem when it comes to pinching and pulling at his skin. He has to remind himself he's alive and breathing and sometimes that forces him to claw himself on the worst days... So, he knows where you're coming from and why it can be so hard to stop doing it once you've become accustomed to it.

So, if you're afraid of him judging you or thinking less of you for being unable to control these urges, don't worry about a thing. He knows where you're coming from. Plus, you can't control the conditions that you suffer from medically! These things just happen. You take it one day at a time and go where you need to.

There are things you can do to mediate how hard it is for you but it isn't something that can be remedied in a day. Sometimes there are things that stress us out beyond our control and there's nothing we can do to stop it. With that in mind, what can he do for you to make things easier?

When you move to grab and pluck, he'll offer you his hand. He won't force you to take it but he'll give you the option. You can play with his fingers, tug his hand, or squeeze it. He won't say a word. He doesn't have room in his heart to judge or belittle you. He just wants you to feel comfortable as much as he can help it. If you need more care, he is more than happy to lotion your hands and make sure you're getting moisture back when it dries out!

Words of affirmation! He'll catch you before you frown in the mirror by kissing your cheek and whispering how much he loves you. You don't have to believe it, but just remember he said it whenever you feel any doubt.

[kyogre-blue]

Hi. Sorry for the following rant, but you're the only person I know who seems to be having a hate-love relationship with genshin. Please feel free to ignore this though if you want.

So I was doing Zhongli's first story quest, about Havria, and it's revealed that when she died there was backlash due to her godly powers. Now I don't remember for certain if this is canon or fanon, but I also thought that the reason Osial was imprisoned and not killed was due to the backlash. So how did Zhongli's "death" not get questioned then? Like Rex Lapis' death should have leveled at least half of Teyvat. And maybe sure, common citizens wouldn't have this information, but at least the Adepti should have known. Was it explained somewhere and I just missed it?

Like Liyue arc was so full of plot holes it's not even funny anymore. (And this is coming from someone who is willing to overlook a few plot holes). Is it so hard for Mihoyo to hire some competent writers, or at least keep track of all that's being said. Like I get that writing is hard, but if you strip it to the bare bones genshin is a simple story, and I think if they had kept that in mind they could have done so much better.

Again sorry for the long rant. i guess I just needed to vent a little bit.

Ah, you poor soul....

You made the classic mistake. When reading Genshin, you felt the hollowness of the storyline and the lack of any logic or explanation behind its events, so you instinctively tried to connect what was happening to other parts of the story. Your self-made explanation made sense, it felt good, so you assumed it was actually canon. But it's not.

There is no reason ever given for why Morax sealed his enemies instead of killing them. This is simply never discussed or mentioned. Same way there is no explanation for why the Traveler wants to see Morax's corpse so bad, or why we think a Guizhong Ballista will help us look for the cocogoat. We just do it because the plot needs us to do it.

In regard to gods exploding when they die, it seems to be something they can choose to control. The energy Andrius unleashed when he died (because, yeah, he's a ghost in present day) was actually beneficial to Mondstadt, since it change the previously frozen climate to something warmer. There's also no mention of Deshret or Rukkhadevata causing any big explosions with their deaths.

Take your personal pick of whether Havria was just taken too much by surprise to control it, was too weak and pathetic to control it, or if she decided to fuck up those bitches who shanked her on purpose.

In regard to why the adepti never question the whole "Rex Lapis was MURDERED" thing, it's because his supposed murder is just a plot device to have a cool sequence of events where the Traveler is a fugitive for some reason. After the end of Act 1, the entire concept of his death being caused by someone intentionally is largely dropped. EDIT: On replay, there's some mention from Keqing that the Qixing would nominally be the best suspects (though no explanation how they could have possibly achieved it), but that the adepti simply do not believe humans could have done it. On the other hand, they also never mention the adepti looking for any non-human culprit, so... do they think he just dropped dead from old age? This is never explained. At the end, the Qixing just tell the human populace that Morax failed a heavenly trialed and uh ascended or something.

At the most generous, you can say that "murder" was just Ningguang's kneejerk reaction and she sweeps it under the rug as quickly as possible once she realizes how stupid it is, and the adepti never took it that seriously. They're just mad in a generic way that Rex Lapis is dead, whatever the cause might be.

Honestly, Genshin's plot being stupid is like... it's bad. But it's made infinitely worse for me by that fact that the characters are worse. The characterization and (lack of) character arcs are just... I can't do this. Why does this """story""" even exist? It's so pointless.

....I mean, I know why it exists. GOTTA SELL THOSE ANIME WAIFUS

[nellie-elizabeth]

The Legend of Vox Machina: Those Who Walk Away (2x04)

I got the Vax punching Percy scene, I'm a happy camper.

Cons:

I can't overstate how much most of my complaints about this show are nitpicks. It feels like we've gotten such a bounty, something so much better and cooler and more intense than I ever could have hoped for. So when I'm talking about things that missed the mark for me, it's really only a matter of being thorough. Of being so impressed with this show that I expect the absolute best from it. My complaint is a little difficult to articulate, but during the pivotal Vex resurrection "take me instead" scene, it felt like the pacing, or the blocking, or maybe both, were just slightly... off.  Pacing-wise we go from the weeping at the end of season three to suddenly everyone being like "oh yeah, shit, we should be trying to save her", which just felt like they prioritized the fucking stunning ending of episode three over the beginning of episode four making sense, a little? Vax is sobbing like he believes she's really dead, and then suddenly he says "somebody do something!" like he's still in the middle of figuring out what's going on. Just a little awkwardness there.

There's this particular shot where Vex's spiritual self has flowed upward, and there's the golden thread connecting the twins, and the Matron of Ravens is looming over them, and it just looked kind of awkward with Vex's form laid out in this weird ghostly way... I think if I were going to do this, I wouldn't have had Vex's soul float out of her body at all, I would have kept the string connecting Vax to where Vex lay on the floor. Or I would have done a less tangible representation of Vex being taken away, like an orb of light or something. Like I said, this is nitpick-y to the extreme.

I'm also a little torn about Anna Ripley popping up there at the end. When I first saw her I actually wasn't sure who she was and had to think on it to figure it out. I guess it makes sense to want to keep her character on people's minds during this season, since I assume she's going to become relevant again in season three, but it still feels a little random. I'm willing to see how they take it, I'm just not sure how to feel yet.

Pros:

I'm so happy with everything we're getting!!!

Trinket backstory has me weeping. It just makes me think back to Laura writing up a little short story about her D&D character for Matt, and how it was this special little thing she'd thought up for their home game, all the way to now, seeing it in glorious animation. And what a cool way to set up the theme about fate. It's not so much that you have no control over anything so life is pointless, it's that, as Vex says, whatever happens is out of our control, so you might need to try and embrace what's in front of you. She took an opportunity, and got Trinket out of it. Now Vax has an opportunity in front of him as well.

The resurrection scene, while I've lodged a few complaints above, still gave me so many things I absolutely loved. The details of the whole group and how they respond to Vex's death... you've got Keyleth taking her hand and weeping, and there's the moment when Kash takes over and is going to try a resurrection rite, and Vax just kind of stumbles and falls backwards to the ground. Both Grog and Scanlan reach for him as if to catch him or steady him, but it's so clear that Vax is beyond their reach in that moment. And then the contrast between Vax sitting there watching the Matron of Ravens approach slowly, eerily, and the frantic sounds of the group talking as they try and save her... so chilling. You've got Scanlan trying to suggest another potion, you've got Grog saying "can we move her somewhere else", when it becomes clear that the tomb of the Matron isn't going to let her be resurrected. You've got Percy, begging Kash not to give up. That's the good shit.

All of the Matron of Ravens imagery is STUNNING. I'll talk about the fight stuff later, but just soup to nuts, the way she moves, the creepy mask, the size and scope of her, the music, the way the visions/flashbacks work for Vax... it all looks so cool and has me so hyped for what they do with her and Vax moving forward. Towards the end we see Vax witnessing a moment of death. We're starting to see the Matron of Ravens as a being heavily associated with death, but also death being a natural thing, something the Matron helps to usher along at the end. Vax is going to have to go on a journey to figure this out.

I'm sure some people are going to be pissed off with the degree to which Zahra is kind of the villain of this episode, what with her unleashing a not-Beholder on the group leading to the majority of them getting petrified, but I think this change is really smart. We're dealing with seven main characters here. There's a lot to juggle, and there's not really room to have a couple extra people tag along who are just there to be nice, uncomplicated allies in moments of stress. I thought it was such a fun way to have a fight sequence that isn't low-stakes, precisely, but is more there to showcase the power of our first Vestige of Divergence. This monster takes out the entirety of Vox Machina, along with Zahra, and yet Vax on his own is enough to defeat it because of his new cool armor and status as a champion of a goddess.

We've seen what a big deal these dragons are, we know how outclassed our heroes were in the face of them. So now we see how hunting down these Vestiges is going to make a big difference in that fight. Super smart! And as always the fight choreo is so fun and chaotic and exciting, with so many good character details. Kash calling out "Z! No, no!" when she got petrified got me in my feels about those two, and Scanlan reaching for Pike's hand, only for them both to be turned to stone, it's all so good and fun. And when Vax emerges to finish the fight, the speed, the music, that stunning shot of him in the air with the image of the Matron behind him... holy shit, I totally got chills.

Those Calamity/Purvan visions! Holy shit, this show is GORGEOUS. We've got a glow-up in terms of visuals even from what the first season managed to give us, and I am living for it. The images of the gods during the Calamity, those giant embodiments floating in the sky... we saw the Everlight again, among others we'll get to know about more later. And we see Vax start to embrace his fate, even though he doesn't know what it is, exactly. It's so terrifying, it's so upsetting, how from this moment on, Vax never gets to be quite the same person he was before.

I've got to shout out Percy for being so sweet and solicitous of Vex, checking up on her, guiding her through the tombs, helping her up after her petrification is undone by Kash. He's being so gentle and timid, and he's so clearly horrified and forever changed by  what his moment of carelessness nearly cost him. I'm living for it. And we got one of my FAVORITE scenes in the whole streamed campaign, where Percy goes to apologize to Vax for getting Vex killed, and he gets decked in the face for his trouble. Fucking excellent. I love how they streamlined this moment by having Vax say "I don't want to talk about it", and then Percy pushing through to talk about it anyway. It's such a good character moment for Percy, because he really is sorry, and all that, but ultimately he still thinks he knows best. He can't respect the way Vax needs to process this, and wants to get the apologizing over with. At the same time, Percy just wants to prove his worth to the group, prove that he is no longer the monster that sought to hurt them last season. I... love Percy so much, and I am so, so excited to see how things develop for him in terms of his relationships with the rest of the group, particularly with each of the twins.

So for now, we say farewell to Kash and Zahra! I loved that Zahra was the one to give Vex the necklace, that was a good way of streamlining, although I'll miss our fun wolfy friend from the stream at the same time. And while we didn't get the legendary Kash/Keyleth kiss between these characters, because so much has changed about the circumstances of their first meeting, we did at least get Kash asking Zahra if "antlers" is watching him walk away. That was so fun!

I hope that other people watching this appreciate the gravitas of the choice Vax has made. Yes, they managed to save Vex from death itself, but it's not a cheap moment, it's not something someone could just do any old day. It's going to be so exciting to watch the implications spill forward from this moment!

9/10

[tekras-iszovh]

// hey guys new writing or whatever. enjoy this mess. i took 30 minutes to do this. if there are writing errors / it feels like a ramble, you're right there are. i'm not fixing it. this is gonna be sooo disjointed because it's more about saying it and less about it being good

CLUSTERFUCK. - 1609 words. The tables turn when it comes to doomed selves. Esoteric and incomprehensible abilities come into the fray.

You weren't ever sure why your fourth self was the one you decided was so special that you were to stick with it and develop it, among hundreds of others. Maybe it's because it was the first time you truly left the trollian form behind, many sweeps ago, from your perspective, or maybe it's because it's the first time you had that kind of control. Is self-control a big deal to you, or do you simply like being able to take more risks with it? Being limited to one body, you always thought, was a recipe for ultimate destruction. Capacity for disaster.

Either way, is there symbolism to four? Is it still your fourth body if you've replaced every part of it tens of times over? Ship of Theseus, meet Body of Tekras. Internally, you keep denominators. It's probably TK-04-33a or something by now. No, it definitely is, but you don't include those later numbers in your externally-showing tech. It takes from the look of 'having your shit together' that you oh so desire. You never believed in open betas. Or tester builds. At least, you never integrate something into your wider network of selves until you're sure it works. How many split-off selves, doomed selves, have you created just to use a body you know doesn't work? Isn't finished? You've lost count.

At least you know they aren't… They aren't dead. They're erased, there's a difference. You would never let a self die, no. It's too open-ended. Dead trolls, even if they're literal purposeless clones, they show up in places. You remember dreaming among them, once. Bubbles, or something, right? It's hazy, it's been so long. Even then, you promised yourself you'd stay vigilant. You saw what happened when you let yourself - your dead selves - split up and grow powerful. There's a lot of Doom to sap from when the self is from a doomed timeline. It makes them so, so powerful, and the only way to stop them is to prevent them in the first place.

Time travel is nasty stuff, really. You never could work your head around it, but it's usefulness is understated, massively. Stopped a lot of shit.

Yes, stopped. Not moved, not transferred to an irrelevant timeline - stopped. As you wished. You can't let yourself go like that.

The next time you visit the dreambubbles, you scan, and you're glad to find that not a copy exists. You send a few bots out to do extra double-checks, triple-checks - nothing. Good.

You get back in your ship, your extra bodies get back in their transport pod, you move on. From the outside, your ship is a haze of green, and your body is a dark, hazy mess. Some kind of villain, no doubt? Maybe. Scanning for something… it's intimidating.

You never felt it, but you'd figure that maybe using Doom abilities to scan and obliterate alternate selves' canonicity would get a little intimidating… but you've no reason to use it on others. No, no way. Of course not. It's not your business, you know? You LIKE other people, which is much more than can be said about the guys you prevent.

You pass by some terrors, creatures of the void in the area between the furthest ring, dreambubbles, a wide array of incipispheres from games from various universes, and then pass through a barrier between universes itself. Space goes all hazy. With a jolt of force, you send yourself into hypervelocity, firing yourself back into reality, your own.

After a few minutes, you get the thing slowed down and approach a planet - a city - a tall building - a landing zone. A surprisingly quick process, and you're already getting out - the most tedious part of the whole process is the airlock, which takes five minutes of doing nothing.

You get out, take a brisk walk up some metallic stairs, enter a door, say hello to the people in the office building you pass through, and enter an empty head-office room. You throw yourself onto the desk, laying flat, documents and paper-weights and a very advanced-looking trollian computer flying off the desk. A crack is visible in the table.

You'll get that replaced in an hour or so. It's not the first time. In fact, every day you seem to destroy something a little more when you get here.

Every day you make this journey. Something compels you. Is it the power? The urge to progress? Is this what that act of self-sacrifice, self-destruction many sweeps back gets you - the immense power to destroy? You don't know why you keel to it.

But you continue to.

You grip the table, and it burns under your hand with a hiss, and a fizzle, then cracks as you firm your grip. It doesn't turn to ash, but seems to slowly degrade - shrink, crumble, melt? As if things are happening in a vastly sped up fast-forward of time. A life cycle. The smoke burns a deep green, and you smirk to yourself a little. Ha. You're lucky you never put fire alarms in this place, you could do this all day. Maybe you will.

You grip your hand, to try the same thing. It doesn't destroy yourself, but the smoke generates. You hold yourself firm. It doesn't do anything, but the haze grows.

It's funny how fast a room can fill up with fumes, and all it does is cloud your vision of the moons of this planet moving outside. The table has crumbled by now, the walls are deeply stained and cracked, the door is off it's hinges, the windows deeply dusty and stained, cracked but never seeming to break - the air in the room is nothing more than a deep green swirl, and your eyes barely light a foot, hell, a couple inches ahead of you, and you take some breaths.

It's a nasty scent. Receptors disabled. It doesn't smell of much, but it incites just a little something. Stand up, pace around. You glow a little. The smoke swirls around you, as if it was magnetic. Ferrofluid? Almost.

You head outside, and it follows you. Up to your ship, in the open air, and it stays attached, though seems to leave a trail of deeply aged material around it, as if leaving everything it touches to it's ultimate fate. Walls rendered mossy, or crumbled, as if they were fated some day to be perpetually in that state. Ceilings fell behind you, ground crumbled after you walked on it. The metal walkway collapsed thousands of meters into the clouds below, after your smoky footsteps touch them… but, when it touches you, it does nothing. Contact, but the ship stays intact, as if nothing, too. The colors inside the ship change in rapid succession, the naming of it seems to shift among lettering only vaguely recognisable. The computer system of the ship remains unchanged, as you intended.

You take another deep breath, and feel a burn down your fake esophagus, through your fake GI tract, in your robotic joints, and through every seam you built into this thing. Crackle. Your body's surface shimmers in place, as if everything is new, and then old. New once more. Different, and the same. Constant change. You feel yourself almost get pulled apart, and you feel yourself feel more whole than you have in sweeps. You get down on a knee, then onto all fours, then you lay flat. After an hour of hissing, sizzling, you lay wide-spread on the ground, almost exhausted - if a robot can be - looking altogether the same as you did before, and the smoke that once stuck to you seeming to have expended itself. Burnt itself out, but on what? You struggle to understand. It was… advancing fate… to it's end.

You guess, maybe it never found one? For yourself. It explored all it could. Possibilities you don't even know of yet - and passed so quickly that you can't even identify.

Your diagnostics are going crazy. All kinds of warnings. You'd think you were dying out here.

But you aren't, and it all seems to resolve. Every error checks out - every damage warning mysteriously reverted… or, well. Fixed itself, as fate intended.

Then you look to your left, and a small green hiss is emerging from your shoulder, and the seams of the craft around you, and then your chest. You furrow your brows, and then they stop.

You see a white flash, and the next thing you know, you wake up in your room at your compound.

TK-04 CHASSIS - TK-04-35c: awake.tk +recoveryprotocol

The first thing you see is a video recording of your body exploding, as well as the ship, and the building next to it crumbling. Recorded by… your ship, and then outside cameras from other buildings... and one other. You can't tell where it came from...

You check through other footage - no foul play - but… you don't remember doing this to yourself. But there is a figure in the background of a few of these shots, something deep and hazy. Glowing green. Seams in places… Same horns? It looks like… it almost looks like you - but you know that you're the only one of yourself you allow to persist. Wait. Is that where the camera came from? Did he plant this footage?

Fuck, fuck, you know. You figured you'd be your own biggest enemy. You're not the hunter anymore.

Is this how it feels to be on the wrong side of the coin? Tick, tock.

Of course the fucker would give you a taste of the ultimate power of fate before he killed you. That's EXACTLY something you'd do. Of course you would.

[mejomonster]

Moon Lovers is so good SO good can't believe none of you really Really told me (I'm kidding u told Me I'm So Grateful right now!!! I just didn't realize HOW my cup of tea it would Be, especially when it sounded so mushy romance i did not expect THIS solid thing)

Like you told me. But yall said it was flawed and messy and kinda too romantic for my tastes yall lied (I say this affectionately I appreciate yall deeply for putting it on my radar ToT, I just didn't realize it was going to be THIS to my taste I thought it was gonna be fluff weak slow potential like The King's Affection... instead it's ACTION romance Grounded but also Dramatic FAST solid Characterization, all things I eat up!!! I love it!!!)

It helps so many of the actors are strong. The lead actress is one of my faves. The lead emo boy is SO good at selling intense emotions on screen I can feel the longing and I'm sold on that romantic thread. IU is also god tier at selling emotional weight, even here. She's probably the BEST I've seen so far of an actor portraying a time traveler in a way I can both relate to (in that survival is her goal after realizing she can't return to her mother, attaching to this life's cousin as family and truly caring about her Like family, seeing 8th prince as safe and the closest to family left, wanting to do her own life and make her own choices and Try to have some self determination in this life and her choices rather than the plot Only happening to her. While it does Happen to her (and that's whete the story tropes feel most blatantly relied on - but they at least make sense as things realistic in this kind of story to happen so I so far have found them fine), she reacts in a very "okay what can I Do about it" way. When she's being married off, she chooses to run away before princes help. She chooses to go to the Emperor to protect the princes, instead of running. She hears 8th and 4th prince fail to help her, so decides Herself to scar herself since she learned the king won't marry a scarred woman. While plot is Happening to her, the writing also let's her show she's paying attention to what she can use, and taking action when she thinks it's possible, with the major moments controlled by her actions. I like that a lot. I haven't watched JPLH in a while, but plot setup they're very similar. But I feel the heroine in JPLH often finds herself at the mercy of plots against her with little time to hear and react herself (which while I don't prefer it - I still found enjoyable in how JPLH was overall so it didn't detract to me). The 4th prince again SO good now I wanna watch EVERYTHING he's in (as I didn't expect him to be strong in this like he was in the more recent Flower of Evil). Also I highly recommend Hotel Del Luna for IU (which shows she can play a dark heavy emotional immortal... which that range of hers no doubt helps Soo be such a grounded feeling character instead of one note innocent only, we see she was bitter and hopeless and angry and fought her ex before she comes to the past, we know she's not an innocent fool she's just appearing that way as a fish out of water to the past she isn't sure how to navigate correctly in).

The 8th prince is a much better actor than I expected (and his wife was phenomenal she made me cry). He's so good i am nearly as invested in him and Soo even though I don't want tjem to be endgame, and if he turns evil God it will hurt. I finished ep 6 and Soo wondering which prince will kill tje others, when they're all her friends now. And how cold her expression was, like she was locking on a mask to bear it while underneath she's afraid and already fearing grieving. I can only imagine this watching as it aired, loving most of the princes as sweet friends of hers overall, 8th and 4th prince both fond of her and kind to her now, and very afraid (just like Soo) of if one of them will betray her and all their other brothers. Afraid of the pain and bloodshed to come. Of all these sweet smiling faces that will be gone. Of Soos future pain (and all of theirs) no matter what. Of the weight of this being set In The Past, meaning Soo knows one prince WILL kill the others. It's history, in a way it's already happened in the future she's from. And so its a inevitability hurtling horrifying towards them.

Please no spoilers, I'm excited and watching without knowing anything before hand lol!