#i can’t tell if they’ve helped any bc i feel like i do every spring so is it just the usual hypomania or is it the meds

[petitommo]

.

[donald4spiderman]

Ok hear me out. Spencer is dating Reader and she’s always hated that she’s been more chubby/curvy. And one night in the middle of a case she calls him crying and Spencer just gets really soft and calms her down after a bad nightmare. And his heart breaks cause his loving girlfriend hates her body. So Spencer plans this elaborate date and proposes maybe? You can decide if the team have met her or not. I’d like it to be the original team but if you wanna combine the original and new teams together that’s cool too!

no bc my body image issues have been rampant lately so this is personal as hell to me. I work out a lot and i’m fit but i’ve never been SKINNY like i have thick legs and muscular arms andnnfnfjndjnffn so this is personal.

I modified this a bit but it’s still the same premises hope you like it! ***BTW IN THIS UNIVERSE THE S3-7 CAST EXISTS FOR THE ENTIRE SHOW— SO THE LATER SEASONS HAVE MORGAN AND HOTCH.

also sorry this is a long

TW: body image issues, discussions of food & weight, insecurity, crying, kissing

WC: 1.5k

-

You know, pragmatically, that you have nothing to worry about. Spencer chose you. And for the past four years, Spencer has worshipped you every day— again and again. He is the most loving, considerate, and tender partner you could ever wish for. He is near perfection.

You’ve met Spencer's friends many times. You’re not close with either of your parents, so the team of profilers welcomed you into their arms with grace and care. Each and every one of them is beautifully amazing and exceptionally brilliant.

Spencer‘s friends are not only badass, but they’re also gorgeous. JJ, Emily, and Garcia are national treasures— so visually stunning it’s almost sickening.

You knew he used to have a crush on JJ way before he met you. You’ve also heard the tale of Lila Archer, the celebrity actress who made out with your boyfriend in a pool. Spencer’s had an eventful life, full of beautiful, sweet, magnificent women— so why does he choose you?

You view yourself as bland in comparison. What do you have to offer Spencer that he can’t find elsewhere? You don’t have toned abs, slim hips, and slender arms. You’re not striking in any way.

Spencer calls you every night when he’s away on a case. He’s never missed a call, even when he got shot in the neck and kidnapped by a murderous cult. He’s reliable and consistent, and that eases your worries a little bit.

It’s eleven pm in D.C. and your phone rings right as your getting in bed.

“Hi, my love,” Spencer says breathily, his voice slightly muffled by the phone. He’s away in Ohio for a case.

“Hey.” You reply, the sweetness in his voice soured by your mood. “How’s the case going?”

“Good. JJ and I are about to pass out in our beds— we’re so tired.”

You can’t help the way your face drops. “Oh. Well, get rest.”

Your about to hang up before he interjects. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Why?” You know better than to lie to your boyfriend, who happens to be an expert on human behavior.

“Okay, I know a lie when I hear one. (Y/N), baby, what’s wrong?” He pleads.

You can’t help the tear that rolls down your cheek. “God, I’m sorry. I just miss you so much. You always know what to do when I’m feeling like shit.”

Spencer knows how much you struggle with self and bodily acceptance. He hates the world for making you feel anything less than incredible, both inside and out.

“I miss you too, so much, (Y/N).” His voice is thick as if he’s going to start crying too. “I love you so much, so fucking much. You have no idea how beautiful and amazing you are.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” He laughs through a sob that wrecks his body. “You deserve everything in this world. I promise to give you everything you’ve ever wanted. You are the love of my life.”

You wipe the tears from underneath your eyes. “Sorry for keeping you up. You must be tired.”

“Never, if it means I get to talk to you.”

“I love you, Spencer.”

“I love you too, (Y/N). More than you’ll ever know.”

-

Spencer wakes up the next day with a newfound determination. The team solves the case as fast as possible, and by the end of the night, they’ve boarded the jet back home.

Spencer has more than enough hours to think about you and how much you mean to him. Hotch is seated directly across from him, rereading the case files.

“Hotch?” The wiser man looks up from his files, raising an eyebrow.

Spencer pauses for a moment. Maybe he’d be better asking Morgan or JJ for advice, considering Hotch’s tragic circumstances regarding Haley.

But no one loves like Hotch does-- sincerely, passionately-- stronger than anything else in the world. Spencer decides there’s no one better to ask.

“How uh did you know that Haley was the one?”

Hotch’s eyes soften for a bit. He clears his throat. “I knew since the day I met her that I would love her for the rest of my life unconditionally. She makes me complete. Do you feel that (Y/N) makes you complete?”

He already knows why Spencer is asking for his advice, steering the conversation in that direction.

“Yes. She’s my world.” Spencer whispers.

“Then it’s simple, really. Love doesn’t need to be complicated and precise. It’s what you do with it that matters.”

“I want to marry her, Hotch. I want to be with her for the rest of my life.”

Hotch smiles, “Then do it.”

Spencer feels the rush of excitement as he gathers everyone on the jet, including the prior sleeping passengers, filling them in on his big plans.

“I need all of your guys’ help.”

-

There’s a firm knock on your door at four in the morning. You know it isn’t Spencer because he has a key, but who could it be?

You take a cautious look out of your peephole to find Penelope, Emily, and JJ outside.

“What are you guys doing here?” You yawn. “For god's sake, it’s four am.”

“We know, and we’re sorry.” Penelope smiles.

“Is Spencer alright?” You ask, wondering if things suddenly went wrong during the case.

But by the joyous look on their face, you know nothing somber occurred.

“Spencer’s completely fine. But, we need to you to get changed and come with us. FBI’s orders.” JJ chuckles.

You change into warmer clothes in minutes, and the BAU ladies usher you into Emily’s car as fast as possible.

“So, no ones gonna tell me what’s going on?”

They shake their heads, “We’re just... running a quick errand.”

After a few more minutes of driving, Emily parks on the side of a dimly lit street.

“I need you to put this on.” She says, holding up a blindfold.

“Are you guys gonna murder me?” You joke, slipping the fabric over your eyes with little resistance.

“Quite the opposite, actually.” You don’t have time to think about what Penelope means before you’re being yanked out of the car.

You walk, guided by JJ, for four minutes. The grass beneath you crushes below your boots, and the hushed whispers of Emily and Penelope behind you do nothing to calm your nerves.

“Okay,” JJ says, halting to a stop. “You can take off your blindfold now.”

You hesitantly slip the blindfold off, revealing a brightly lit table in the middle of a secluded field. Morgan, Hotch, and Rossi are standing off to the sides.

Suddenly, Spencer emerges from behind a tree, dusting the leaves and dirt off his adorable sweater.

“Hi?” You laugh, utterly confused by this situation. “What’s going on?”

His hands are shaking, and he has to swallow a few times before he can speak. “I-I uh got y-you apple pie— uh your favorite.”

Spencer walks you towards the table, where a small slice of warm pie sits lonely on the table.

“Y-you should um... eat it.” He urges, pointing at the knife and fork next to it.

You glance around, trying to gauge the emotions of everyone around you, but fail. Stupid profilers and their poker faces.

Your fork cuts into the heavenly smelling pie, and you scoop up a bite into your mouth.

“It’s... good? I’ll pretty much eat any pie you give me, Spencer.”

He smiles, “I know that. But t-this is a special pie.”

“Okay...”

“You should t-take a closer look— at the pie.”

You inspect the dessert, completely puzzled until a glinting piece of silver catches your eye. Spencer notices the shock in your face and catches the plate that almost falls out of your hand.

Morgan hands him a napkin, and when Spencer pulls an apple-covered ring from the slice of pie, you almost faint.

“No way.” You gasp; tears spring to your eyes as Spencer wipes the ring clean.

He holds it tightly between two fingers, bending to kneel on one knee.

“(Y/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N), I knew from the moment I met you that you were the most special woman I’d have the pleasure of meeting. A month later, you asked me out for our first date, and I couldn’t believe that someone as gorgeous and amazing as you would settle for someone like me.” You scoff at his humility.

“I spend every moment loving every part of you, (Y/N). None of my love will ever stop— ever. I promise to share my heart with you until the very end. There is absolutely no one I would rather be bonded to for the rest of my life. You are better than my dream girl because you’re real. You’re here, and you chose to love me every day— the good, the bad, and the ugly. (Y/N), will you do me the honor and great privilege of allowing me to become your husband?” You silently sob.

“Please say yes.” Spencer smiles.

“Yes!” You exclaim, pulling him up to hug him. “How could I say anything but!”

The dam breaks, and the entire team begins to cry as you and Spencer share a passionate kiss, almost collapsing down onto the grass from the sheer force of your love. He slips the ring onto your finger; it belongs there.

“I choose you, (Y/N).” He repeats.

“I choose you, Spencer, always.” You whisper into the crook of his neck.

Nothing’s ever felt so right.

[artificialqueens]

Treat me how you want to be treated (branjie) - writworm42

N/A: Bc the only thing hotter than a stud is her high femme gf making her stud call her daddy. For Holtz, also thank you Holtz for beta-ing fdhsjfkhdsjk

Title from B.I.T.C.H. by Megan Thee Stallion

So far, Brooke and Vanessa’s anniversary couldn’t be going better. Vanessa had planned everything in advance to make sure of it, but still—she can’t help but be a little impressed with herself, because up until now, no plans that she’s ever tried to execute have ever unfolded so seamlessly.

She had gotten Brooke up early and driven her to the spa they’re spending their weekend at, a little place by a hot spring out in the countryside that Brooke had been absolutely overjoyed to see. They’d had lunch out on the terrace while watching birds fly and flowers rustling in the wind, and before a day full of pampering finishing off with a special three course dinner Vanessa had specially prepared a menu for, making sure all of Brooke’s favourites were on it. Brooke had loved it all, had gushed and giggled and kissed Vanessa excitedly at every new surprise she’d revealed for her.

But there’s still one more surprise that Vanessa hasn’t mentioned yet, and even though she practically drags Brooke back to their room after they’ve watched the moon rise higher and higher in the sky, she can’t help but feel as if it hasn’t come soon enough.

Call her selfish, but hey. It’s her anniversary, too.

Small raindrops have already started to scatter themselves on the window overlooking the spa grounds, the hot spring, the terrace where they’d eaten, and the sprawling trails for outdoor yoga and long mid-day walks. Vanessa had booked the room specifically for the view, and Brooke had absolutely loved it when they had come in to drop off their luggage earlier this morning. And thankfully, she still seems to love it just as much now as she joins Vanessa at the window, placing a hand up against the cool glass.

“I bet it’d be amazing to be in the hot spring when it’s raining.” Brooke sighs, watching as the raindrops against the window become fatter, faster, racing against each other in an ebb and flow that always results in them joining one mutual stream.

She doesn’t know why, but watching it makes Vanessa want to kiss Brooke even more.

She settles instead for walking to where Brooke is, wrapping her arms around her, getting up on her tiptoes to press her lips to the nape of Brooke’s neck.

“I think I have something even better than that for you, if you want.” Vanessa whispers, and Brooke shivers, making Vanessa’s heart swell with affection. “I want you to wait right here while I get you something, ‘kay, baby?”

Brooke doesn’t respond, only nods, swallows hard in a mix of excitement and nervousness, eager to find out what exactly Vanessa has planned. It’s cute, and Vanessa can’t risk stroking Brooke’s cheek, guiding her chin down to give her a soft, teasing kiss and a squeeze on the ass as a parting gift.

When Vanessa emerges again, Brooke is sitting patiently on the bed, hands fiddling on her lap as if she knows that if she doesn’t keep them busy, they’ll wind up getting her in a lot of trouble. Vanessa smirks a little as she slides onto the bed next to her girl, giggling when Brooke starts a little at her sudden presence.

“Aww, what’s wrong, angel? Were you thinkin’ about me while I was gone?” Vanessa drops the crinoline-wrapped package in Brooke’s eager hands that tear and dig through the paper with abandon until they finally reveal what the gift has in store.

“Looks like I’m not the only one with sex on the brain.” Brooke teases as she holds up the lingerie, red and lacy and barely-there, just the way Vanessa likes her dressed. Vanessa only shrugs, wraps her arms around Brooke’s waist and pulls her close.

“Sweetheart, you put sex on my mind since the moment I met you.” Vanessa mutters against Brooke’s lips, just close enough to graze with her own but not enough to fully close the distance, and when Brooke tries, a firm hand on her chest stops her.

“Put it on first, kitten. Go on, you know daddy doesn’t like to wait.”

Brooke raises an eyebrow, grabs Vanessa’s wrist and strokes it with her thumb as she clicks her tongue. “You’re so funny, thinking you call the shots.”

“We’ll see, baby girl. We’ll see.”

“Guess we will.”

Without any other word, Brooke saunters off to the bathroom to change, making sure Vanessa is watching her ass as she goes.

Brooke takes her sweet time getting out of the bathroom, a move that Vanessa intends to file away for later, hold against her in the form of swats on her ass and teeth against her collarbone. But all those plans fly out the window when Brooke finally reemerges, and Vanessa sees just what had been taking her so long.

Brooke is a vision in lace, her lips matching the deep scarlet of her lingerie and a pair of red stockings and garters framing her legs. Her hair is already tied back in a ponytail, a long strand of her locks twirly on the end of her finger as she walks back towards Vanessa, climbs onto her lap and guides her chin up to look her in the face.

“What’s wrong, daddy?” Brooke bats her eyes innocently, but the smile on her face betrays her scheming, her knowledge of exactly what’s going on, what she’s doing to Vanessa. “You seem a little distracted.”

“I wonder why.” Vanessa lets out a breathy laugh against Brooke’s skin, beginning to graze her lips along the line of Brooke’s neck.

“Oh?” Brooke laughs, grinds down a little harder, a little slower. “Do you like it when I dance for you, daddy? Makes you feel all nice?”

“ Fuck yeah.” Vanessa starts, beginning to move her hands up Brooke’s legs, over her thighs, towards her ass. But she doesn’t get anything else out, doesn’t get a chance to move her hands anywhere further along Brooke’s body; because Brooke grabs her hands, forcing her backwards and using her height and strength to pin Vanessa down on the bed and box her in to keep her there.

“You’re so easy.” Brooke purrs, her grip tightening when Vanessa squirms.

“I’m so getting you back for this.” Vanessa grunts, but the threat is half-assed; because fuck it, she can’t fight anymore, not when Brooke grinds down again, swallows Vanessa’s would-be protests with a searing kiss.

“Mhmmm.” Brooke smirks against Vanessa’s lips, and she can feel the taller woman’s waxy lipstick rubbing off on her own mouth, can taste the cigarettes she’s not to be smoking on her tongue when she licks along Vanessa’s bottom lip, pulls at it with her teeth. “We’ll see, kitten. We’ll see.”

Vanessa doesn’t respond, only whimpers. She can already feel wetness beginning to gather between her legs, arousal curling in her belly and making it hard to lie still. Brooke must notice, because she teases more, grabs a firm hold of Vanessa’s throat and deepens her kisses.

“My, my.” Brooke’s breath is hot against Vanessa’s skin, sending a shiver down the younger woman’s skin. “Tell me again, who was supposed to call the shots?”

Vanessa squirms more, the challenge only serving to increase the need burning between her legs.

“You’re so cute like this, sweetheart. Coming in here all big and bad, trying to act like you didn’t know you were gonna wind up under me. Didn’t hold up long, did it, huh?”

“I–” Vanessa gasps, but then Brooke is letting go of her neck, replacing her hand’s grip with soothing, sucking kisses, and her breath catches in her throat.

“Speak up, darling. Who’s in charge?”

“You are.” Vanessa whimpers as Brooke presses a knee between her legs, adding pressure where Vanessa needs it most.

“I am, what?” Brooke challenges with more pressure up against Vanessa’s cunt and a sharp nip at her collarbone.

Vanessa’s cheeks burn with shame and embarrassment, but she has to say it, fuck, she wants to say it, if it’ll keep this going. “ Daddy .”

“There we go, much better.” Brooke laughs. “That wasn’t so hard, was it, baby?”

Vanessa shakes her head, grinds down on Brooke’s knee, and thankfully, Brooke lets her, beaming as she watches Vanessa slowly lose her grip.

“So desperate for me, I love it.” Brooke traces along the waistband of Vanessa’s shorts, pulls at the hem of her t-shirt. “But I think you’re wearing too much, don’t you, angel? How ‘bout we get you out of all this, get you nice and ready for daddy?”

Vanessa swallows hard, her mouth going dry as Brooke gets ahead of herself, goes from teasing to pulling, slowly stripping Vanessa as if she already knows the answer to her own question, because she does.

“ Please , daddy. Please.”

Brooke doesn’t take off Vanessa’s shirt–she knows Vanessa wouldn’t want it, that it would bring her just a hair too much out of her comfort zone. Instead, she focuses on Vanessa’s lower half, pulling off her shorts and throwing them somewhere in the room. Vanessa’s boxers follow suit, and then she’s laying bare, vulnerable, open and exposed for Brooke to play with.

“Such a pretty little pussy.” Brooke muses, running two fingers up Vanessa’s slit, rubbing around her folds. “All pink and swollen for me…”

“Daddy, please—“ Vanessa starts to beg again, but her plea is cut off by a gasp as Brooke finally moves to her throbbing clit.

Brooke is merciless, she always has been - once she starts going at Vanessa’s clit, it’s almost as if she’s in a trance, focused purely on Vanessa’s gasps, her moans, every little buck of her hips or curl of her toes as Brooke goes faster, presses harder, encourages her more and more.

“That’s it, baby, you’re doing so good, keep moaning for me, keep making those pretty little noises. God, you’re so fucking sexy, fuck , kitten, that’s it…”

“Please,” Vanessa sobs, cutting through the adrenaline and arousal before she loses herself completely, “Please Brooke, please daddy, I need to come, I need to come, please let me come—“

“Come for me, angel. You’ve earned it.”

Vanessa doesn’t think when she comes, barely even feels—all she knows is she’s overwhelmed, a mess of pleasure and excitement and pride as Brooke whispers praises against her neck, rubs her through her orgasm to bring her down gently.

“ Fuck. ” Vanessa laughs, her breath ragged. “I think that’s the best one you’ve ever given me.”

“Glad to hear it.” Brooke giggles, moving up to hold Vanessa close, and lies down next to her and strokes her hair as she catches her breath.

“You don’t want me to return the favour or anything?” Vanessa looks up at Brooke after a moment, watching as the blonde winks, grins widely.

“Oh, I do. But let’s rest for a moment first, huh? We got all night to play, might as well cuddle a bit, too.”

Brooke has a point, and far be it from Vanessa to resist being cradled in Brooke’s arms, nuzzling against her chest.

“Happy anniversary, baby.” Brooke whispers softly, kissing the top of Vanessa’s head, and Vanessa swears she can hear Brooke’s heart speed up a little when she sighs out contentedly, snuggles in a little more.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Vanessa mutters, hugging Brooke tight and pressing a soft kiss onto her skin, heart soaring when Brooke’s heartbeat speeds up again.

“I love you, too.”

[likeshipsonthesea]

okay so legit one of my first-ever nurseydex posts was this one right here and while i still agree with/hc parts of it i have to admit it’s a bit outdated for how i see nurseydex’s relationship now so i thought why not make a new “why i ship nurseydex” post three years later to explain my own rambling understanding of them??

so, anywho. imagine a dex-- back when he was just will-- growing up with this huge weight of expectation around him, about every aspect of his life-- expectation of what a man ought to be, expectation of what a student ought to be, a worker, a son, etc-- and despite what he wants and feels, striving to meet/exceed this expectation to satisfy his parents and make them proud and be who they want him to be. like, following his ma around when she does chores might be fun and helpful, but a man is supposed to be doing the dirty, heavy work, no baking or doing laundry (at least that’s what his brother says) and from the time he’s little he knows that college means money and they don’t have that, but education is also very important and college is how he gets a better life for him and his family, and so from elementary school he’s studying his spelling words and times tables and striving to be the best student he can be because scholarships and respect and expectation. and yeah, maybe there’s other expectations, around who he can and cannot like, and maybe that doesn’t always fit the way he thinks it’s supposed to, and he allows himself little indulgences knowing one day that he will do what is expected of him and make his parents happy, and the crushing weight of that-- of knowing what the future will force him into-- has him frozen between the need to be what he’s supposed to be and the want to be free, and these warring ideals within his own mind leave him grasping and uncertain and--and angry at everything (family, town, society, himself) for putting him there to begin with and then-- and then-- he goes to samwell

MEANWHILE there’s a little nursey, small and surrounded by smiling parents and nannies and love, and somehow, despite it all, he’s anxious. it’s his brain, probably, but at four, nursey doesn’t know anything about brains, all he knows is that his parents aren’t home and maybe that’s his fault and before he can understand how jobs work and how their importance doesn’t outweigh his parents’ love for him, he’s sitting at home wondering how to be better, how to be enough to keep them there, how to be good. and he excels in all his classes, gets bored sitting there with all his fancy private school kindergarten work finished on his desk, and his parents bring him to the doctor’s thinking it’s an attention disorder and he gets diagnosed with anxiety. at eight. and his parents-- mama gets mad (and nursey hasn’t yet learned to distinguish anger at the world and anger at him) and mom becomes focused, ready to fix it (not realizing, really, how nursey sees it as a need to fix him) and dad is maybe the best, he just buys some puzzles and makes hot cocoa and sits with nursey when the world gets too tough, and still nursey leaves thinking i’m a burden, he has to take the time to do this, i’m a burden, and he grows up with the idea that he has to be good, can’t be broken, has to pretend to be perfect even if he isn’t otherwise his parents will be sad and it will be his fault, and it works (until it doesn’t) and he thrives (until he doesn’t) and everything is happy and perfect and wonderful (until it isn’t) and things break apart and nursey decides perfection is impossible to fabricate but pretending to be chill, pretending to at least be okay is enough, and so he moves on with this veneer of okayness and this mess of anxiety and apprehension and worry underneath and it’s such a delicate balance he somehow manages to handle until samwell

(under the cut bc, well. it got a little long. oops?)

and there it’s like-- they’re both at the perfect point to just completely explode one another. nursey sees this walking ball of seemingly together person and pokes at it, this kind of self-projection thing really, trying to break the outside and see the mess within, and meanwhile dex looks at nursey and sees someone perfectly content with everything in life and turns on every probing question like it’s an attack, and maybe it takes a few terms-- maybe all of their frog year-- to start seeing past the cracks. maybe a few of nursey’s questions poke at places more sensitive than he’d meant to see, and maybe dex calls nursey out on things his anxiety has whipped out of control, and maybe after they lose the playoffs and dex is angry and violent and not enough and nursey sees that-- feels the ache of imperfection, too-- and somehow the knowledge that he’s not alone makes it better? and suddenly he wants to make it better for dex, too? and so they go into the summer after frog year with the beginnings of an understanding and things are-- tentative, but they know how to deal with fragility better than most, and it survives the break, survives the infrequent texts and tangential group chat conversations

and sophomore year they have rooms across the hall from one another, randomly. they walk together to practices, because why not, and tag along on team breakfasts (dex is a morning person, nursey is not, dex likes being helpful, nursey likes making it to bfast before holster eats all the waffles) and maybe they start talking-- actually talking, not barbs and banter and chirps just a bit too sharp to laugh at. it’s like an actual conversation for the first time since they’ve known each other, and c’s ecstatic and their hockey’s great and things are going wonderful.

until one of them catches feelings.

it doesn’t quite matter which one of them-- maybe dex falls in love with the way nursey gestures with his hands too much as he talks and how he waxes poetic about everything, but mostly nature and books and how it feels to smile without knowing it, and maybe dex falls in love with the way he feels around nursey, like he could say anything and nursey wouldn’t- he’d judge, maybe, because nursey likes doing that, but it would never be maliciously, it would always be out of a want for dex to grow, learn, be himself more. and seriously, that wouldn’t be hard to fall in love with

or maybe nursey falls in love with the weird bits of knowledge dex drops about any and everything, always attributed to an aunt or uncle, of which he likely has an unlimited stock, and the way that dex catches him when he trips on the sidewalk and the strong, sure way his hands curl around nursey’s body, and how when he gets flustered or embarrassed or angry or happy, his flush is a different shade depending on the emotion, and how nursey-- when he’s around dex-- doesn’t wonder if dex thinks what he’s saying is dumb-- he probably does-- because dex cares anyway and isn’t that just completely and wholly unavoidably wonderful?

so. one of them falls in love. there’s a dib flip. dex goes a little overboard. so does nursey. neither of them reacts accordingly and it’s nearly impossible to say which one reacts to the other’s overreaction. one person has their heart beat up (he still doesn’t like me, he still thinks i’m just someone to annoy) and then they lose before they even make the playoffs and then jack and bitty come out on live tv and dex’s parents infer things that break expectations and nursey’s parents start fighting (unrelated) and nursey wonders if it’s his fault (it isn’t) and they come back to samwell in the fall poised to break one another apart.

if in frog year it was an explosion, in junior year it’s a careful disassembly. they poke at the soft spots they’ve learned in the past year until the whole living situation comes crumbling down and, in the rumble, everything is silent and so much clearer. nursey is alone in a top bunk with a broken wrist, isolated from the team and his parents, scattered across the globe for work in an effort to get away from one another. dex is tucked away in the basement, sucking at hockey as his body refuses to get used to a different d-partner and his conversations with his parents consist of short sentences and loaded silences, and he has no idea what to do with either.

spring comes early that year. flowers poking up amongst frost-bitten blades of grass, birds chirping in the early hours of practices. nursey is back on the ice. he and dex don’t speak, except to work through plays. it begins to come back-- their understanding-- if only on the ice.

bitty starts visiting jack more on the weekends and chowder is off with caitlin and doing compsci homework and talking to recruiters. whiskey usually isn’t there anyway and tango is off doing everything and the waffles are cool but suddenly they seem so young.

on saturday nights, dex cooks and nursey sits at the table with him and complains, mostly to himself at first, about his writing prof. as the weeks wear on, dex adds his own complaints, too. sometimes nursey will throw in something good that happened. sometimes dex will tell a joke (usually a pun, usually horrible, usually inducing belly-aches in nursey regardless). afterwards they do the dishes. dex mentions how he used to love doing the dishes, how it calmed him. how his brother used to comment on it disparagingly. nursey mentions, another time, how his roommate at andover would hate the impromptu headphone dance parties he’d put on-- how it was something he’d do with his dad, when he was young. how it made things better, for a while.

(they never really talk about when happened, dex’s parents or nursey’s, the ache of loneliness that fall term, not until very later, after samwell, after-- well. it takes a while, but when they finally do talk about it, it hurts less if only because of the delicateness with which they’ve learned how to handle such things, by then)

 by the time the end of the year arrives-- when they win  the fucking playoffs and hoist bitty onto their shoulders with a burning pride in their chests-- nursey and dex would call one another friends. to their faces and everything. and then there’s a banquet and dex gets the c and-- as a twist-- nursey gets the a (maybe coach and hall approached dex before the banquet, explained how close the votes were, asked him if he’d mind, and dex gave the most honest answer maybe he’d ever given in his life-- it would be an honor)

they go into the summer with one another at the top of their messages. they call nearly every week, snapchat daily, about nursey’s internship at a publishing house, dex’s at a tech company in boston. maybe nursey panic-calls dex at three in the morning going on about the publishing process and how crazy it is and how i’m never going to be published and dex calms him down with some seriously misinformed words about the literary business that make nursey breathe easy anyway, and maybe dex goes home one weekend and there’s radio silence until dex calls him on the way back home and asks nursey to just talk and so from maine until massachussetts it’s nursey’s voice rambling about pears and children’s books and cooking equipment until dex gets back to the apartment his internship is paying for and simply says thank you

and they go into senior year this unquestionable team with a legacy to uphold. dex works through plays without hesitation, showing the baby frogs (juniors, they call them) the ropes and silently making the team a warm space, while nursey inspires and comforts and corrects the little things, and they run the haus in the same way-- nursey planning movie nights and board game nights (now that holster and jack are gone and there are strict rules in place) and dex is usually there in the kitchen, cooking and baking and willing to listen to anything the players have to say, and if you asked any of the baby frogs what they thought of dex and nursey’s relationship, they would’ve said that their captains had been friends for years (and maybe, in the right light, that would be true)

how they get together at this point is not important. whichever one didn’t catch feelings sophomore year found them, sometime afterwards, behind a box of forgotten things, forgotten only because they’d been there quietly for so long that no one had every thought to question their presence, and so, in senior year, when they are both in places where things are no longer fragile, where “broken” is a word easily thrown away, they come together with little fanfare.

over a pie, one softly raining afternoon, or in a slipped-into-snowbank on the way back from practice, or in the library over an open textbook or between laughter or in the moments before sleep embraces them on a roadie, or any number of other things.

that is not the most important part-- it’s important, of course, but not the most-- the most important part is that they were, are, together long before any moment like that occurs. because they both learned, grew from the volatile, fragile people they arrived as. grew because they forced each other, became better, stronger, with the guidance and comfort and assurance the other offered. because that is what makes a partnership, a bond of the souls, a love like theirs. it is not being perfect, not even being perfect for one another, but being there and willing to grow.

maybe it’s samwell-- got your back-- that puts them in a place where this kind of process can work. maybe it’s the nature of college itself. maybe it would’ve happened regardless of where they were. but it happened, and it’s wonderful, and that’s what matters.

[daysiias]

{ zendaya ♔ 24 ♔ she/her } well, well, well if it isn’t daysia collins running around peach hollow. legend has it, they come from tangerine towers and have lived here for six years. if you’re wondering what they’ve been up to, i hear they’re a crisis counselor for a living. they have been known to be quixotic yet nurturing. a word of advice to them, always look over your shoulder. you never know who is watching. { kim ♔ 25 ♔ est ♔ she/her }

yall know me. i’m kim, i play serenity, and i’m one of the admins!!  this is my damaged but optimistic baby, daysia. ITS PRONOUNCED LIKE DEJA VU :’) i just created her in november but she so quickly became my favorite muse to write. so buckle up! and pls plot w me. i am fragile and if i don’t get any plots i will hide in a dumpster, where i belong.

TW FOR DEATH, DRUG USE, ALCOHOLISM, CAR ACCIDENT

here is her pinterest and a spotify playlist if you wanna check those out ~

daysia jade, day, dj, deej – anything goes. she’s 23 and will turn her head to just about anything. she’s a spring baby born march, 1996.

her childhood was pretty good. she and her brother grew up a year apart, and her parents divorced early. early enough that daysia can barely remember a time where the family was hole, and likes it that way.

however, her father did not take the divorce well and turned to drugs – meth to be specific. he only saw the kids on weekends and even then, daysia and marcus absolutely knew what was happening. perhaps they didn’t know his choice of poison, but they knew that it was just that: poison.

he was never abusive and always took care of the kids, even if he was tweaking out of his mind. there were a few instances that were touch and go, like when he forgot to take dinner out of the oven and it caught fire, or when he forgot to change the sheets – little things that added up.

when daysia was 16 and marcus was 15, they were involved in a car accident. her dad was high behind the wheel, lost control of the car, and they hit the guard rail. they went over an embankment and down a short hill before the vehicle came to a complete stop, flipped over. she watched the life drain from her brother’s face, and never got into a car again, up until recently when she started letting @malcolmvramsey​​ drive her places she needed to go. she always tries to give him gas money, but he rarely takes it.

a good deal of resentment built up for her father, but she remained stoic, even when he went to prison for drug charges and the dui he’d racked up that ultimately killed her brother. she didn’t let anyone know that she was hurting, because she numbed it all. she threw herself into her school work and her artwork, painting constantly. melting colors together somehow helped her cope. she could get her emotions out on paper. in fact, that still rings true today. in her bedroom of the apartment she lives in, she has covered one of the walls in canvas and paints over and over.

in an effort to start life over, daysia left detroit when she graduated high school. she transferred to peach hollow where she went to winchester university, not wanting a lot of attention. this is where she really came to life.

daysia was able to push michigan to the back of her mind entirely, because peach hollow had so much to offer. the people were better. the music was better. the parties were better. the education was better. there wasn’t a single thing she missed from home aside from her mother, who she kept in regular contact with and still does. they’re always texting and facetime before bed every night.

she came alive. college changed her. she was studying a subject that interested her and meeting people who didn’t have to know about her past. she did, and does everything to keep michigan her dirty little secret. she liked the party scene, but only drank or smoked weed. she refuses to touch anything that might turn her into her father. she was even hired on as a crisis counselor for a local hotline, contractual to her graduation.

in the past month, daysia has plummeted, however. nobody would ever be able to tell. she is the queen of poker face, an absolute delight to be around. she can be a little aloof, and is constantly stoned, but it’s how she gets through the day. she is an absolute goof, loves to crack jokes and make people laugh. she loves to laugh herself. these are all traits that show and cover the inner turmoil constantly trying to bubble to the surface.

about three weeks ago, daysia received word that her father passed away in jail. he overdosed, and she wasn’t sure how to feel. so she didn’t. she did, however, stop doing school work and started drinking more. she’s mere days from flunking out of school and losing her job. but nobody knows, because she acts like she doesn’t know either.

all in all, she’s doing a lot of self sabotage but covering it up with every ounce of grace she has.

as for her personality and relationships, daysia excels. she is nurturing, so when a friend, or even a stranger is hurting, she tends to go to their side and comfort them. as long as she can make them laugh, then everything will be okay. she makes friends pretty easily, and keeps them for the most part. she is fiercely loyal and will absolutely scrap to defend her loved ones.

she loves love. there is no gender she isn’t curious about and absolutely loves romance, though she also tries to hide that. her walls are ten feet tall. she’s in to hook ups, flings, and polyamory. she’s very open in that sense!!

FUN FACTS

she has an english bull dog named frank!! he is her pride and joy. she dresses him up in outfits, has regular photo shoots with him and loves going to the dog park. he isn’t legally an emotional support animal, but that’s definitely what he is to her. if he doesn’t like you, she won’t either tbh

she has this lil purple pen looking thing that is always on her. it’s her weed vape and she will hit it anywhere. her dumb head is always in the mfing clouds

she has a spotify family plan that is currently only her, mac, and dom and she will absolutely invite anyone she meets bc spotify premium is something everyone should enjoy

wears a lot of graphic tees and jeans, kinda a tom boy. doesn’t love dressing up but will occasionally. also doesn’t rly like make up but DOES know how to beat her face

1000% unable to be alone for like any period of time?? like if she gets off work and no one is in her apartment she just leaves. she goes next door to mac, goes to the peach pit, anywhere she can socialize. being left to her own thoughts will always turn out poorly.

really loves poetry. cannot write it to save her life, but loves going to slam readings or checking out poetry books from the library. her adhd brain can’t handle novels – poetry is just the right length to keep her attention and dig into her soul.

oh yeah, she’s got some pretty intense untreated adhd lol

OK SO WANTED CONNECTIONS IF UR STILL HERE LMAO

ex-roommate: something happened between daysia and this person, whether it was a relationship gone wrong, a friendship with tension, or just the other person being a damn slob – and daysia removed them from the house and moved someone new in. they are probably on shitty terms.

roomate(s): ^^ the forementioned current roommate or two!! i would like her to be veeeery close to whoever lives here. they have to be ok with her dog, her weed, and how mf needy she is.

current flings: a few people are probably on her list of suitors right now. people she spends time with romantically, but hasn’t committed to. she absolutely cannot be alone, at any point… ever! so, she has someone with her at all times. m/f/nb, all good.

party friends:  this one is pretty self explanatory!! these are friends that daysia may or may not talk to outside of a party, but will always cling to at one.

close friends: she lets very few people all the way in, but those that make it are generally taken care of by day. she makes sure that they are as comfortable with life as possible and spends a lot of time with them

exes: as daysia is a ticking time bomb, there have been many people she’s blown off. whether they once hooked up, were together, or what have you, daysia has a lot of exes. she never means to hurt anyone. it just sort of happens and she has accepted it.

[theshinsun]

Hello again! Here I am sending more 😂 Do you mind doing character thing with Kasamatsu, Imayoshi, Wakamatsu and Otsubo? If it's too much, can you do with the first three? Thank you 💕

Hello again! ^^ (So sorry for the delay I was half done and then I got hit with homework and classes and didn’t have much time to do more analyses, but they’re done for the week now! I’m free!) 

I don’t mind at all! But if it’s alright with you, I probably will just do those first three, not just because it’ll be ridiculously long otherwise, but because I don’t really? think I have any strong specific feelings for Otsubo? Idk why, I like him I just didn’t connect that much with him I don’t think... but I’ll gladly talk about the others!

Kasamatsu

How I feel about this character

GOOD SENPAI. I love this guy so much and wish he got to interact with more of the cast, I really vibe with his character design (his eyes are just... damn, also SOCKS), and I love the relationship he has with his team. He’s ruthless but obviously cares about all of them working together well, and is just looking for the respect he’s due as captain. Boy puts up with so much bullshit from his team of chaotic flaky weirdos, someone needs to cut him a break.  

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Kise (KiKasa ftw, the character development Kise goes through because of Kasamatsu is excellent, and almost instantaneous after he joins the team [“I liked being Kise of Kaijo”]. it’s really easy to interpret his behavior toward Kasamatsu as a crush; there’s no denying they’ve got chemistry and work well together... and even tho Kise drives his senpai nuts, they obviously both care about each other a lot)

Aomine (I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. They have one [1] interaction in canon, but that one interaction sold it for me. Aomine showing deference to someone and calling them “senpai”, helping him up after he got knocked down which seems... pretty unusual for him at the time, I’m so down for these two being in a relationship, it’s such a different dynamic than I usually see with pairings featuring Aomine, and there seems to be some legit respect to build off of there)

Imayoshi (I blame Lysapadin’s fic The Long Game for this, the way these two play off each other there and also canonically is... hilarious, the flirting, the Banter, please give me more quality captain ships I have a need) 

Hyuuga (MORE QUALITY CAPTAIN SHIPS. I talked about them a little in my list for Hyuuga, but I just love the idea of both of these tough, exasperated captains getting to be vulnerable with each other)

and this one is a crossover but

Oikawa Tooru (maybe because he reminds me so much of Kise, and Kasamatsu so much like Iwaizumi, I feel like they’d have a similar dynamic, but it’d be interesting to see how, unlike Kise, a hardworking somewhat self-destructive person and a fellow third-year like Oikawa would get on with this guy.) 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Hmmm.... I’m gonna have to say Imayoshi again, even tho they work together as a couple too. The way they interact is so good, whether it’s platonic or not, and I’d love to see more one-on-one interaction with them. It could just be because the way Lysapadin handles their respective personalities in multiple fics is so perfect, but if they’re not romantically involved I’d at least like to see them as snarky semi-begrudging basketball buddies. 

My unpopular opinion about this character

I don’t know? If I have one? Mostly bc I don’t really know what the fandom itself thinks about Kasamatsu, he didn’t get a lot of press even in KNB’s heyday. A random opinion/hc of him tho is he seems to be a bit of a pessimist. Whenever he’s commentating he’s just talking about how the team’s gonna lose, and even before his own game he seemed to just be thinking about how he lost before. Idk what else to give ya, just something I observed that I don’t really see talked about or portrayed for this guy.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

*deep inhale* MOOORE SCREEEENTIME. And not just as a commentator/attachment to Kaijo where Kise hogs the spotlight, give this guy some time to interact with other characters and flesh him out some more please! I know I’m a broken record but that’s the only thing I can think of to improve him.

Imayoshi

How I feel about this character

I didn’t used to have much opinion of this guy tbh, when I was new to KNB… but NOW, damn, I love him every time he appears. He’s hilarious, I love how sassy and clever he is, I love that he has an accent (tho it’s only pointed out in the manga), I love that he gets to have little tidbits, like that he’s bad at drawing but good at mind-reading, and how he wears slippers in a school environment and just goes around teasing everyone, whether they’re teammates or opponents. Love this guy. I love how extra he is and I’m living every time he’s on screen.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Aomine (ok I talked about this quite a bit already in my Aomine rant analysis, and I mostly blame Lysapadin’s A Firm Hand series, but I just can’t get enough of the idea of these two together… [also this comic ] Imayoshi taking Aomine in hand and knowing how to handle him when no one else does, and gradually warming up to him when he stops playing tough and finally shows his soft side. good shit)

Momoi (also probably bc of A Firm Hand, but I could see these two having a very interesting relationship. They’re both extremely smart, and good at understanding people, and I really like the idea of Imayoshi taking Momoi under his wing so she doesn’t have to suffer in silence and handle everything by herself. I feel like they’d be surprisingly sweet to each other, but lesbehonest, also a potentially terrifying power couple that I almost never see done)

Kasamatsu (again, just like above, a unique dynamic and a lovely rarepair that doesn’t get talked about enough. they didn’t get nearly enough time to play off each other in canon but what we did see was damn good) 

Hanamiya (ok so… I’m not immune to this ship. I’ve seen some art, a couple fics, and it doesn’t seem to be much of a thing anymore, but still, why the hell not. they’ve got history, they’re both smart slightly evil [or very evil] shits, and they’d be such a disaster of a couple that’s why I love them)

My non-romantic OTP for this character

If not Kasamatsu, then probably Susa. They only got a little time to bond in canon, but I do love their dynamic and how chill they seem to be with each other. They remind me of a team mom/dad duo (tho I couldn’t tell you which was which lol). I could probably be talked into shipping them romantically, but I also just like the way they get along as friends and teammates. 

My unpopular opinion about this character

This is more an argument I keep having with my sister… but I actually, genuinely like this guy’s design. She thinks he looks creepy and too evil and doesn’t like that his eyes are drawn closed, but esp in the manga, he looks really polished and I like that you can tell when he gets serious by whether you can see his eyes open. (or as I say to my roommate “oh shit he’s got eyes they’re in trouble”)

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I wish we got to see more of him just hanging with his team. Idk maybe I’m biased, but I feel like Touou in particular doesn’t get that much time devoted to, like, practice and normal everyday shit (maybe bc we got to see Kaijo twice and Shuutoku got a whole training camp plus some, but all we get of them is the hot springs scene and a very short scene at the beginning and end of the show imeanwhat) I would’ve liked to get to know this guy better and see more of how he runs his very strange individualized team, but that could just be me.  

Wakamatsu

How I feel about this character

My dude puts up with so much shit. I mean the first we see of him he’s getting kneed in the stomach by a certain dickish first-year, and he just always seems… so done with what’s going on around him. When he’s not yelling about it, which… mood, tbh. He’s relegated to little more than a background character in the anime, and only gets a liiiittle more development in the manga (as well as lots of really good faces), but tbh I’d love to see more of him. I’d love to know what he’s like as a captain and see more of how he gets along with the team; he’s the kind of hotheaded noisy player they make into the protagonist of other shows and I want to know more about him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Momoi (k a couple of my friends @spaztictwitch and @hadenxcharm actually sold me on this one. It’s a really really rare pair, but now I can’t stop thinking about it and I really like the possibilities of them as a couple.)

Aomine (again I talked a little bit about this in my Aomine essay, but I’m a sucker for this kind of ship… the love/hate dynamic, I mean. that doesn’t get old does it. and yet I don’t think I’ve ever seen content for these guys together, maybe I should take it on myself)

Sakurai (hot-tempered senpai/captain and anxious apologetic mushroom, sign me tf up these two would be Hilarious as a pairing, oh my god. I love it)

Kiyoshi (k listen. LISTEN. yes all I’ve got is the fact that they’re both centers and they only interact, like, twice, but the idea popped into my head and I think I could actually totally see it. any takers?)

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Imayoshi. I don’t know if I’d ship them as a romantic pair (tho like with most things, if someone made a good case for them I’d consider it), but I do like their canonical interactions, like Imayoshi explaining the exceptions made for prodigies in sports (“do you know the golfer Tiger Woods? How about Shaq?”), and passing the proverbial hat to him when he retires as captain (“no worries, you’ll do fine!” like he’s reassuring a new parent or smth lmao). They’re good teammates even if Touou is not really about teamwork, and I like the mutual respect in how they seem to get along.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Not just a one-note guy who yells all the time. I mean, yes, he does yell and he’s got a short temper, but so does Kagami and people don’t portray him as a guy with only one emotion and that emotion is Anger. I mean… usually they don’t. Idk maybe it’s because most of his screentime involves him butting heads with Aomine, but he seems to get along with the rest of the team alright. He respects his seniors and the spirit of the team too, he’s just an all-around good guy that seems to get the short end of the stick a lot.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I have a MIGHTY NEED to see how this guy does as captain, I want to know how he does things differently than Imayoshi and how he handles all the bullshit the team throws now that it’s all gonna be landing on his shoulders. We only got a tiny scene at the end of the show demonstrating his policy about Aomine, and we barely saw him at all in the Last Game, is he doing okay?? Is he ruling Touou with an iron fist or getting into screaming matches with his kouhai? I need to Know.

Thanks so much for asking, I really appreciate the show of interest! <3 Sorry again about the delay!

[thisstableground]

High key sad ask, but how do you think it went when/if Ruben saw his mom and sisters again and they now know that ‘yeah that guy you sent me away with so easily kidnapped and tortured me’ I’m just in the mood for guilty family feels :(

ohhhh, oh no! (minor content warning for talk of torture/ptsd stuff bc ruben)

well. so i’ve got it in my timeline that what happens afterjamaica  is that when ian returns from jamaica he plays it so that jason thinks ruben is dead. works out best for ian that way – jason won’tgo looking for ruben to get rid of ian any more, ruben’s there if/when iandecides he’ll be useful to him, and he correctly figures that jason isn’t going toturn himself in unless he absolutely has to. 

unlucky for them, josh finds outthat jason was on the plane with ruben, and after that jason is pretty muchcornered into confessing to what he believes to be ruben’s murder. ruben’sfamily, of course, are kept in the loop about all of this. so for about anothermonth after that, before ruben is found and brought back home, his family justhave to live with thinking that the guy they all had dinner with straight upkilled him. and without a body and without jason even being able to say exactlywhat happened, they don’t even really understandit because let’s face it, this whole thing is a confusing, complicated situation. but that’s reallyhard for them to live with: that was the last time they saw ruben alive and, as far as they know, the last time they’ll ever have seen him.

his mom especially thinks about it all the time,thinks about how he’d said “ma, you don’t understand-“ and she’d just shushedhim and sent him on his way. god, she didn’t understand. she thinksabout that at the memorial and every time she looks at her heartbroken, hurtingdaughters and wonders whether she ever understood any of her children at all if shemanaged to miss that, and what else she might not see until it’s too late. she thinks about it every time she stands in ruben’s childhood bedroom, crying over his baby pictures, thinks about it while she’s clearing out his apartment and when she’s lying awakeat night wishing he’d just come back home so she could tell him that she’ssorry, that she should have listened harder, seen what he was trying to say.

then he does come back, of course. and she still wants totell him that she’s sorry. but there’s so much already going on – he’s unwell to thepoint of delirious when he first gets back, he can’t talk about what happenedat all, his only two modes are either violent flashback or so dissociated he’s practically comatose. enough of his own problems without dealing withhis family’s guilt. when do you find the right moment to apologize for that? how do you apologize to someone who can barely even hear you speaking to them?

the trial is hard for them all. it’s the first time theyhear the story in full, with ruben’s perspective on events. it takes weeks to get through, but by the end of it they know exactly what happened to ruben in jamaica, and they also know that by the timeian was at their house, he’d already tried to kill ruben at least once. earlier that same week, maybe that same day had gagged him and strapped him to ahospital bed and shoved a needle in his arm and left him there.

estefania remembers the person she thought was jason coleshowing up at their house a short while before ruben arrived, how she’d said that ruben doesn’t often bringfriends back because he’s so busy. how jason – ian – had laughed and with abright smile said, “you’d have to tie him down and lock him in the basement to keephim out of that  lab of his,” and she’dlaughed too.

she has to run out of the courtroom at the memory of that, stands out inthe cool spring air breathing heavily and trying not to be sick. he’d known exactly what he was saying. hewas laughing about it, at her, at ruben. did he laugh after what he did to her ruben in jamaica, too?

they didn’t talk about it after. the trial was somuch to deal with, and there was so much going on. they all feel a little guilty that it’s easier for them after ruben moves to new york - he starts doing better, being more independent, and so they havespace to look at their own trauma without feeling like they should all befocused on helping him get better. all three of them, estefania and the girls,end up in therapy themselves. everyone in that family has PTSD now, to more orless of an extent. the girls never bring friends home from school any more –halfway because it’s too hard to trust anyone, halfway because they know that ifthey do then they’d be under such suspicion. they’re all very private now, from the outside world and in many ways from each other.

ruben, for his part, does actually blame them a little. he feelsterrible about it, because he loves them and they’ve done so much for him. he didn’teven tell his old therapist about it. he doesnt wantto blame them, he wants to just blame ian, keep it all nice and straightforwardand clear. but he can’t help it: he tried to tell them as much as he could without spilling the whole story, he said he didn’t want to go out, he thought it waspretty fucking obvious that he didn’t want to go anywhere with ian, and there’sbeen a lot of times especially when he was still in jamaica that he wonderedwhy the hell they couldn’t read that, how little they must understand him evenafter knowing him his whole life. how his mother always says things like sheloves him how he is, but the first chance she got she was willing to overlookevery red flag and ruben’s own preferences to see him go out and be “normal”with a friend. none of it is that simple, of course, and he knows it isn’t, butthere’s enough of an element of truth to it to make it very difficult to shake.

there’s a lot of things theyhaven’t talked about just waiting there, that they’re trying to ignore becausethings are a little better now, everyone’s a little happier now, and nobodywants to be the one to disturb the fragile sense of recovery. i think ruben has a stronger sense of his recovery when it’s just him by himself, but while in a way this brought them closer as a family there’s also such a weight of grief and guilt and everyone’s trauma that when all of them are together the progress he’s made becomes less clear, less certain, because it reminds him of how many things there are still left to deal with for all of them.

but estefania is selling the house soon, wants out ofphiladelphia and especially out of the place where that man sat and ate theirfood and they all laughed at his jokes, just days before he dragged ruben tothe middle of nowhere and tortured him. i imagine that it’ll be once they’re intheir new place then a whole lot of suppressed stuff is gonna come out. that’s how PTSD works sometimes: often it’s only when you’re actually safe that you suddenly start to process the extent of what happened and really feel the fear of it. and thatit’s going to be very messy, but god knows all of them need it.

[morinokunikara]

👀☁️💕👑🌗📚💎🔪🏡🏞️🥀🌼💐🦋🍂☕🍼🕊️❤️🔥❄️🌙☀️🌟 (for Kokoro

 swputting this one under a readmore

🌟 When your OC loses all hope, who do they turn to first? What helps make them feel better? What calms them down and reassures them? Why?

yuuki. she trusts him more than anyone else. usually doing exercise will help her mood, she just loves the feeling of a good workout so much and it provides a good distraction. also sometimes just seeing yuuki smile. she loves him and she knows hes been through so much and honestly his happiness means more to her than her own.

☀️ What makes your OC genuinely happy? A person, an item, their hobby? Where is the place they’re happiest, or most at home? What is the happiest they’ve ever been?

yuuki makes her more happy than anything else, although her clubs and friends in them do as well. winning games or a really good performance in a play will always bring a big huge smile to her face. she feels more at home in her clubs than at home, because most the time she cant get in a word with yuuki bc her parents are hogging her. 

happiest she ever was was when her family went to destinyland and they let her and yuuki walk alone together. they got some real bonding time, riding rides and getting dinner together, and then watching one of the fireworks shows. its the most time she ever got to spend with him without their parents getting in the way and she treasures it forever. 

🌙 If your OC could have one wish come true what would it be and why? Would there be consequences to this wish or would they regret it once they get what they want? What would they give in return for this wish to come true?

for her parents to pay attention to yuuki more, or just really. him being more loved in general. theres pretty much nothing that would make her regret it, and nothing she wouldn’t pay. she cares about him so so much and would give everything if it meant he was happy

❄️ What makes your OC sad, so sad that they can’t help but cry all day? How do they cheer themself up? Does their sadness upset any of their loved ones too?

any kind of failure, feeling like shes hated, hell sometimes just her parents praising her too much because she just gets so overwhelmed, and it makes her think too much about how ignored her brother is all the time. she usually goes out and practices her soccer or whatever show shes doing for theatre. she hides her sadness pretty well, but any of her family would be upset by knowing she’s sad (hence why she hides it)

🔥 If your OC known for having temper tantrums? If not, what gets them really angry? What makes their blood BOIL? Is there anyway to calm them down or are they unstoppable? What are they like when they’re angry? Do they take it out on their loved ones?

not at all. shes very patient and can put up with a LOT, but she will snap if someone is too mean to yuuki. i feel like she would eventually snap at her parents but she really tries as hard as she can not to bc she worries itll make things worse. bc shes so patient, when shes angry she gets so angry it can take awhile to calm her down

❤️ What would your OC’s ideal lover be like? Appearnce, personality, voice? Would their family approve or would it be civil war?

her one requirement is “respect me and my family.” shes not picky, but she does like athletic/buff types a bit more. 

🕊️ Would your OC ever get married or are they already wed? If they’re married, describe what their wedding was like! If not, describe their ideal wedding (or do this if you feel like it anyway!)

she has this big fancy idea of a dream wedding at destinyland, with a theme centered around classic romantic plays. 

🍼 Does your OC have any children or want children? What names would they pick? Are they good with kids or a complete disaster?

she does want kids, and she plans to name them all after extended family. with her strong value towards family and disappointment in her own parents, one of her biggest dreams is to raise a family with someone

☕ Give us one (or more if you feel like it) of your OCs deep dark secrets! Why do they keep it hidden? Spill the tea!

shes actually kind of miserable emotionally. she  it all up until she’s on her own, and then she just completely breaks down in her room. she’s had to lock herself in the restroom in public a few times bc one small thing will happen and it’ll just be the straw the breaks the camel’s back

🍂 What are their opinions on the different seasons? Which one do they hate and which one do they love and why?

she HATES summer but loves spring. its too hot in the summer to work out as much as she’d like. she doesn’t like winter much for the opposite reason of it being too cold, and is kind of neutral on fall. she thinks spring is prettier.

🦋 If your OC could change everything (or just something) about their life would they? What would they change? What do they think would happen if they did? What would their loved ones think?

oh yeah she’d def change a lot. give herself better parents that pay attention to their children equally, make herself less talented, anything that’ll get her less attention and yuuki more attention

💐 Does your OC like flowers? What are their favourites? Do they keep a garden of some sort? What flowers would they use in a flower crown? (and if you like, research the meanings behind those flowers!)

she loves flowers!!! her and yuuki have a garden together in their backyard... her crown would be azaleas (patience), hydrangeas (pride),  and spider lilies (sweet)

🌼 Write a short drabble from your OCs POV meeting their LI (or if they don’t have a love interest, their best friend. If you don’t want to do a drabble, describe their first meeting instead!)

(dont have the brain power for a drabble rn but) im 90% sure itd start with her accidentally kicking a soccer ball in someone’s face and then being like “oh fuck theyre cute”

🥀 Has your OC ever been hurt by someone they love? Ever been betrayed? Abused? Attacked? Give me the angst! (if you’d like, write a short drabble about it!)

not physically, but she got really hurt by yuuki once because of a misunderstanding. she talked about wanting to play volleyball at shujin and yuuki panicked because oh god know i cant let him get to her i have to protect her and she took him objecting to it as him being jealous and they got in a huge argument over it. she was so upset that, in her mind, yuuki was so bitter and jealous he wouldnt let her follow her dreams

🏞️ If your OC could travel to anywhere in their world where would they go? Why? If they could live there would they?

brazil!!! she’s heard a lot about amazing brazilian soccer players and wants to see it for herself. she would never want to live there though, or really anywhere outside of tokyo 

🏡 Describe your OCs ideal house! Give us a tour around! What’s their garden like? Their bedroom? Kitchen? Where is it and how many people live there?

a moderately-sized house for a small family of four, like the one she lives in. it’s decorated with the achievements of her family (trophies, art, etc). a kitchen big enough for the family to cook together, and a fancy dining room. lots of family photos on the walls and any available surface, and a family garden in the backyard. 

🔪 Has your OC ever killed someone? Ever had to defend themselves against violence? How did this make them feel? Or, alternatively, has your OC ever attacked someone? Seen someone die?

shes never been through any of that fortunately 

💎 Does your OC collect anything? Is there a reason? When did they start and is it beginning to turn into a little bit of a hoarding issue? What do they do with their collection?

she collects playbills and a few different sports trading cards!! the playbills started when she saw her first play at 5, and the trading cards at 8. she has several large folders for her cards and a big huge box for her playbills

📚 If your OC was given some kind of forbiddon knowledge, what would they do with it? Would they tell anyone? Use it for evil or good? How would it change their outlook on life, if at all?

shed keep it super super super secret... would do everything in her power not to use it at all, but if she did she’d use it for good. 

🌗 Early mornings or late nights? What do they spend their time doing during these hours?

early mornings!!! she goes for a short jog every morning before school, and then helps her dad with breakfast and sometimes drags yuuki out of bed if he oversleeps 

👑 If your OC was made royal (or is royal) how would they use their power? Are they a good leader or bad? Do their subjects like them or is it ‘off with their head’? Do they enjoy being royal?

shed be a very kind ruler, and try to listen to and solve all the problems she possibly could. so ofc shes very very loved. she doesnt like it though. she doesnt like having that much power, she feels its unfair. 

💕 How is your OC like with physical affection? What are their boundries? Do they enjoy being touched or is that a no-go? Is there any reason behind this?

she loves to cuddle with people, physical affection is one of her main love languages. she hugs yuuki every time he walks through the door. she doesnt want much beyond that though, at least at her age 

☁️ What’s something your OC wishes they could forget? Why is this? Or, what is something that your OC has forgotten? (or do both!)

she wants to forget her biggest screw up in her mind- when she was so nervous for a play (her biggest role at that point), when she got onstage she panicked and totally forgot her lines and just. completely froze. 

👀 Describe your OC through the eyes of another person! (bonus + specify who)

ofc i gotta do yuuki 

she’s an adorable and caring little sister he loves so much. he’s a bit jealous of her, but he doesnt blame her for anything. he just wishes he could be as good and loved as she is. 

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

↬ i just wanna free somebody.

date: early 2019.

location: n/a.

word count: 1,641 words not including lyrics.

summary: n/a.

notes: creative claims verification for free somebody.

it begins at the start of the new year in the confines of an old bc entertainment studio that ash is very familiar with. he wants to try writing something different than anything he’s ever written before. that’s what he tells his producer friend (can he call him his friend yet? senior? colleague? colleague sounds best).

well, he wants to write a lot of things different than what he’s every written before, but he has to start with something, he expands in the low light of the studio. he can’t pump out an endless stream of creatively challenging songs just because he wants to. ambition is a taste he’s come to enjoy again, after years of lacking it, in the form of song creation, but it won’t do well to bite off more than he can chew.

it feels like he takes too big of a bite anyway. a few sessions with other producers and composers go by with only stray scraps of songs to show, most of which hadn’t been contributed by him, and ash starts to doubt his own ability. he’s not at the point where he can reinvent the wheel, he laments on one late night (not that time is easy to tell within the dark, soundproof rooms of the studio unless he pulls out his cellphone to check its digital clock) and the producer he’s found to keep him company one night looks at him silently from across the room.

“you’re being stubborn again.”

ash pauses and shakes his head in confusion. he wants to ask what the hell that means, all he’s been doing is trying to expand his horizons which, honestly, is pretty much the exact opposite of being stubborn, but he has too much respect for the other man to argue with him so forwardly. “i’m not trying to be stubborn,” he says instead. he rubs at his eyes and sighs as he stretches his arms over his head in an attempt to drag the fatigue closing in on the corners of his mind out of him. that never works, no matter how hard he tries to turn the metaphorical literal.

“if you want to make something different, it doesn’t have to be something no one’s ever heard before. you’re not going to have much luck with that. the human race is hundreds of thousands of years old and we’ve been making music for a lot of our existence. i’d bet nearly all of it if i was a wagering man. you’re not going to create something completely new and that’s not our job. challenge yourself instead of challenging the entire history of mankind and our artistic accomplishments. you like to act like you can handle every single task you put on your checklist, but you’re one person, taeyong. start acting like it.”

ash nods and he feels like he’s been scolded. he’d known he wasn’t going to be able to create an entirely new invention in the form of a song, but he’d let the reminder of that slip away in his singular vision of wanting to create something groundbreaking instead of more of the same he’d become known for. besides, this is the idol industry. ash loves pop music, but the bc entertainment studio wing isn’t going to be the site of any breakthroughs to change the entire course of music history any time soon. he’s deluding himself if he pretends like it is. there’s ambitious optimism and then there’s an utter lack of self-awareness and ash doesn’t want to wind up as that person too far up his own artistic ass to see the difference.

his ballads have more often than not been the work bc has dubbed satisfactory without as much reworking required, so ash promises himself to stay away from those in his mission to step outside of his comfort zone. but still, it would be pointless to expect himself to create a genre he has no experience making. ash kwon’s attempt at death metal or polka would be a disastrous way to start a new year.

ash spends a few hours listening through the depths of his music library and jotting down ideas for genres and styles he doesn’t find himself creating as often to bring up in the next writing session with some of the other producers. upbeat pop becomes a common theme of what he hasn’t been writing recently. that doesn’t surprise him. ash doesn’t often finish the songs he begins writing that fit that descriptor, as his own sound leans far from upbeat. it wouldn’t fit for one song out of an entire album track list to be a bright party song, and that isn’t what most people he’s worked with come to him to write for them either.

when he sits down with that in mind, he hums through melodies and taps out rhythms with a pen on his desk until he finds ones that grow into a longer form that he transposes onto his computer. it turns into a funky instrumental, a retro 80s dance take (ash is inspired by a uk house song he stumbles upon on one of his forgotten playlists) mixed with enough modern electronic pop to push him beyond the basics. the other composers and producers he brings in to help him throughout the process have to come in to keep him from making the song melancholic or subdued even when the production thins out during the chorus for what he imagines to be a strong powerhouse vocal lead. making it, he knows this won’t be a song for him, and he’s not sure it’ll ever find its way to release by anyone else either — he can’t see any of the usual people he shows his work to seeing it, quite frankly, and he thinks its value would be depleted if it were to be done as a group song—, but that’s something that had been on his list of new year’s resolutions — sell some songs off instead of gifting them to build his profile as a songwriter.

the near-final demo version of the instrumental is decided on among all of the producers and ash asks if he can try to write the lyrics to it. he’s inspired by what they’ve all created together and he wants to write its lyrics too. they agree, and ash spends a few days in his studio dedicating himself to nailing down lyrics. he has an idea of what he wants the words to encompass thematically; the first word that comes to mind when he listens to the song is freedom. ash can envision the song being played at a huge open air music festival mid-spring. thanks to becoming a trainee at thirteen and an idol at sixteen, ash hasn’t been to any of those sorts of festivals, but he does have a glamorized notion of what they’re like in his head.

after a few rough drafts, ash stumbles upon a phrasing that burrows its way into his heart. i just wanna free somebody. it’s a notion ash instantly circles and underlines among the mess of more easily disposable ideas that lean more obviously romantic in nature. freeing somebody is certainly worthy of being a romantic notion and ash plays with that as he scribbles out more ideas that build an image of a relationship, one that’s purposefully vaguely anywhere between a one night stand and soulmates. the specifics of that don’t matter in the context he’s writing because, in his mind, the two people involved don’t care anyway.

when that near-final draft lays in front of him, though, he’s struck again with the feeling that he’s playing it too safe and not stepping outside of his norm. love. wow, that’s a new topic for you, ash, he mentally derides himself.

it’s a few nights later when he’s hard at work on a different song, one that’s supposed to be for his next album but doesn’t feel anything like him that he writes a lyric that pulls his mind back to the track he’d been working on previously.

i hope that you find your true self.

he tacks on the hook to see how well it works in his head before committing to it fully.

i wanna free somebody.

of course that’s the path he could take the song down instead. the other song is quickly abandoned as ash returns to his aptly-named “free somebody” draft. he keeps the verses and most of the chorus, but scraps most of the pre-chorus and fits in the new line in place of what had previously been a repeat of a truncated take on one of the chorus lines. he reworks the parts he’d trashed to fit his new vision better. at other parts, he removes lyrics from entirely and goes back to make the instrumental synths more compelling to stand on their own. music is already freeing; ash can attest to that himself as someone who would rarely use the word free to describe himself.

the first drafts of the song had suffered by being weighed down by ash’s instinct to inject romantic storytelling, but this time, he doesn’t need a full story. he focuses on the goal of freeing somebody for the length of a song instead and it can be a romantic freeing, yes, that is clear from the parts he keeps, but it can simply reflect the goal of the song itself too.

he records his own voice for the demo though he thinks he’s unable to do it justice due to not having the sort of female powerhouse voice he sees singing it one day, but when he gets the news the song has been sold off to gold star media, he lets a small bud of hope blossom that it’ll wind up in the hands of someone capable so it can see the light in all its glory one day. its message had really grown on him.

[elsaclack]

Hi :) This might sound weird haha but I adore reading you talk about your writing, it's really inspiring and I feel like I learn a lot of things every time I read you talk about it (you know I'm a fan of your style haha). And anyways while I was reading your answer to your last anon, this struck me: "when i was outlining that chapter i think the only line i dedicated to the actual fight itself was “and then they have a crazy knife fight (good luck future me)”" and I wanted to ask you (1/2?)

(2/3?) do you have like any tips for writing a multichapters fic? I guess from what you wrote here you outline the whole thing before you start with it? Or it depends or the story and sometimes you just go with the flow and see where it goes haha? Do you mind sharing some of your writing process of multichapter fics? :3 Bc I tend to get "bored" really easily and if I don't finish something in one sitting I usually never ever finish it. But also I'd like to learn how to take my time sometimes

(3/3) and idk maybe learning how to properly "get ready" to write something long would help haha. I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense at all but yeah in any case just thank you for blessing my nights with your fics and killing me over and over with feels, I'm sure I said it before but you (and all of the amazing writers this fandom is blessed with) are a true inspiration!!!

you are SO sweet to me i die fhflkdsjf

i’m gonna go ahead and throw 100% of my answer under the cut because i haven’t even started yet and i know this is about to be. So Long. i am sorry in advance lmao

there are a couple of different aspects to this ask that i want to touch on so i will be as brief as possible but as i have proven twice over tonight alone, i am really not capable of that lmfao

i’d say first and foremost, the biggest thing you can do to help yourself in this arena is figure out how to best discipline yourself. which SUCKS it’s like the worst most mom answer ever but in all honesty, developing discipline in writing is what separates the “i could write a book” people from the people who actually do write books. everyone is capable of writing, but not everyone has the discipline or patience to do so. long-form narrative requires even MORE discipline than a one-shot (or even a long one-shot) because it’s like you said, it requires the author to come back over and over and over again to write new material and edit existing material and figure out a way to cohesively connect everything they’ve written into one consistent narrative, and some people have a much harder time with that than others do. there’s nothing wrong with that either way!! the world needs short stories just as much as it needs longer stories. but if you’re wanting to work on writing longer-form narratives, working out a way to best discipline yourself should probably be your number-one goal.

that kind of brings me to my next point (and also ties in part of what i was talking about in that other ask) - comparing your writing style, your progress, your everything to other writers will only lead to heartache for you. when i first started reading and writing for b99 i came across a specific author (who is now one of my dear friends) whose fics were just. next-level works of art. and while i read through just about everything she’d written for b99 and LOVED every single one of them, i found myself getting more and more down on my own writing, because i knew i’d never be able to write like her. but the more comfortable and confident i got in my own writing, the more i realized that it’s less about writing more like That Person and more about developing my own style (my favorite comparison to make between my writing and hers now is that hers are like beautiful and intricate fairy tales, and mine are more of a smokey back room at a bar where a guy is sitting alone at a table and he says “come here and listen to this story.” they’re both Very Different, and perhaps have varying audiences, but one is not inherently Better Or Worse than the other). all of this to say, if you’re working as hard as you can and being really disciplined but still find yourself struggling with writing a multichap, THAT’S OKAY!!! there’s NOTHING wrong with that!!! your writing, however short or long, serves an INCREDIBLY important purpose within the fandom as a whole and no matter what, there will ALWAYS be an audience for your writing.

so okay as for the actual Advice!!! i actually have a couple of steps that i usually follow prior to actually Writing the first chapter of any long fic i’ve written (or am in the process of writing...@king and lionheart yikes). i have yet to really find any consistency in how i think of ideas for multichaps - so far the idea every multichap i’ve written has come from a different source (which is actually kind of Frustrating for reasons i won’t get into). but basically once i actually have An Idea, i’ll take a day or two to kind of think it over and flesh it out as much as possible. if it really starts expanding in detail and an actual Story constructs itself around the idea, i’ll move on to the next step, which is to find a few trusted mutuals here on tungle.corn and say “heyyYYY CAN I YELL ABOUT AN IDEA I HAVE FOR A SECOND” and then spill everything i’ve thought of so far. usually i can tell if an idea will live or die based on these conversations - if the other person is Into It and we start sort of developing the world within the chat, i know it’s time to really sit down and make an effort to pursue the fic. in that case, i will go and copy&paste that part of our chat into a google doc and i’ll build an outline in a separate doc. i used to despise outlines and i would refuse to do them in high school, but once i got into writing as a hobby and i started pursuing longer narrative forms, i tried once or twice to write a multichap without an outline and i just forgot a lot of the details i originally wanted to include, which left me feeling really frustrated with myself and with my writing. i came to realize that outlines kind of a necessary evil, so in writing them i made them as fun for me as possible (i.e. the “good luck future me” line from the king and lionheart outline i mentioned lmao). now i love them and i have them open at all times while i’m working on writing a new chapter.

so i know that i started this off by saying that writing multichaps requires a special kind of discipline, and i stand by that, but also...writer’s block and real life responsibility and just plain exhaustion are all Very Real Things, and they take precedent over keeping up with a publishing schedule (if you’re so inclined to make one of those for yourself). when i started writing king and lionheart, i didn’t know at that point that i would be headed back to school in the spring, and thought that i would have all the time in the world to write. right around november, i realized that i would be going back to school - that’s about the time i took an unofficial hiatus from writing king and lionheart, because i knew trying to keep up with writing that fic the way that i want it to be written and all of the intensive and demanding coursework was going to kill me. taking a step back from posting and coming back to it later is okay. i know i talk a lot about feeling guilty for not having an update for king and lionheart (and the cancer au before it) but in all honesty i know that it’s okay for me to take some time and deal with my real life. and, you know, it’s also okay to lose inspiration for a while and to take a step back until that inspiration comes back. i think it’s that fear of not being able to take longer breaks between updates that scares a lot of people off from even trying to write a multichap - as the queen of procrastination, i am here to tell you that it is 100% okay to start a multichap and to take a break and come back to it when necessary!

writing a multichap is very much like running a marathon - it requires a different kind of energy than a 400 meter sprint or a 1k fluffy oneshot. it’s gonna hurt and it’s gonna suck and there are gonna be times when you’re ready to just quit writing altogether. but there will be parts that are really fun and really easy and you’re gonna get some really great views along the way - and at the end when you cross that finish line and you’re able to check that “complete” box on ao3 before you post the last chapter, you won’t remember the parts that sucked. trust me!! i wouldn’t write as many as i do if the actual shitty parts of the writing process negated the good things that come from writing it and sharing it with other people!

it’s also worth noting that just because you get bored with an idea doesn’t mean that you can’t pick it up again later!!! honestly the first 2 or 3 paragraphs of on your heart like a tattoo sat in my google docs for MONTHS before i randomly decided one day to open it and take a crack at finishing it, and to this DAY i’m still getting people regularly commenting on it. every idea has its purpose and its place, even if it doesn’t always immediately seem like it.

i really hope this helps and i’m sorry if it doesn’t!!! you are such a kind and wonderful person and i absolutely adore you

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

Okay I also have so many Thoughts on Rise so if you want someone to rant to, I’m definitely here lol

My official Thoughts™

Okay so first off I’m pleasantly surprised I didn’t hate it as much as I was expecting? Lol I didn’t wanna watch at all because it seemed too dramatic, like something I would’ve eaten up in high school but I’m too tired to deal with these days. But my mom made me watch it with her and it definitely wasn’t as bad as I expected lol

What…was UP with the camera work????? I was loosing my mind over it omfg. Sometimes normal, sometimes shaky, and we had like three or four dramatic documentary zoom-ins ala Parks and Rec or the Office??? Why was that happening??? They were all in dramatic moments but it was so fucking funny I couldn’t handle it.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, when the coach asked ‘are you a teacher or a director’ and Josh Radnor was like ‘well, both’ and then it zoomed in on the coach as he cut off ‘Actually, no, you’re a teacher’. Like. That was clearly supposed to be dramatic but it was PEAK comedic timing. My mom and I were cackling we almost missed the rest of the scene omfg

That principal is a mess??? Giving one dude the drama department just because he doesn’t like the other teacher, and then???? Approving the show before he READ it???? Allowing a coach to try to bribe a kid’s bad grade away???? What in the Lord 

What….is with the troupe….of the Athlete having to pick sports or theater. Like literally what is that. It happens too often and I’ve never? Seen it happen in real life? Like I know you can’t apply your life experiences to everyone else’s but as someone who also went to a sports crazy high school in small town PA like….the senior sports™ boys went out for the musical every year??? Like every year there’d be at least 7 or 8 football or basketball or literally whatever players that were like ‘You know the fuck what, I’m a senior, I’m doing a musical now’ lmao. It was never dramatic or anything. Being in a play isn’t going to ruin someone’s sports career 

Okay so auditioning for a musical…doesn’t….work….as extra credit??? They wanted his grade raised and he wanted the kid in the show. The actual play the musical is based on has been picked apart and analyzed as a piece of literature so many times….so I could see “If he does my musical and writes a report on the play, I’ll give him extra credit” or something to that effect but just. ‘Audition and all your Problems will go away’. Lord What. 

WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS SIMON KID.

Okay. Okay. The kid…is stereotypical ‘gay high schooler’ and we all damn well know that. Not my complaint. The thing was, bumping him down from Melchior to HANSCHEN made it SEEM like he was only getting cast as Hanschen because he’s The Gay™, because frankly, considering they were struggling to find boys, I would’ve initially put him as Moritz, from the brief scenes it seems like he could handle Moritz’s songs??? Moritz is the third lead and like, the fan favorite character, you’d wanna cast him pretty quick. And THEN they bust out he has a ““““““Very Religious”““““ family, like….really. Really. We’re doing that. Okay. Fine then. I can sit here and pretend I’ve actually met a homophobic Catholic person before if they’re at least gonna handle this well. But THEN. THEN. OKAY. We got that trailer for the full season at the end of the show and the kid playing Ernst said ‘Do you feel something when you’re with me’ and now….I see exactly what they’re doing….They’re having this kid play Hanschen while in real life he’s going to be in an Ernst-like situation….That’s so fucking cheesy and I haven’t yet fully decided how I feel about it??? I’m already tired tho. Anyway if someone hurts that boy I’m gonna go down to NBC with a baseball bat and start swinging. I can get in no problem. Just making that known.

Auli’i Cravalho….,,,we Stan

Her plot line seems a little muddled and Peak Dramatic right now but that scene near the end with her mother???? GIRL. KILL THEM.

Listen idk who the hell is playing the football player (Robbie was it?) but I already love him with my entire heart but like….the scene where he just started rapping at the pep rally….no one Does That lmao. Although I appreciate that he’s a lot less conflicted about joining the show than other athletes caught in this troupe before him? He was a little hesitant but it wasn’t Over The Top (looking at you, Troy Bolton). He seems really cute tho. I was Worried when he started rapping ‘All That’s Known’ but then he slid into actually singing and he was so good!! 

LMAO when they were doing the song montage and all they could do for ‘Totally Fucked’ was “BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH” I was cracking up

I liked that they appear to have established the football player is into the shy girl BEFORE they do the show. Like, it’s still cliché as all hell, but at least it’s not like ‘I never noticed you were pretty or a cool person before the stage lights were on you’ type deal bc that’s exhausting.

My mom was cracking up when Simon was telling his Religious Parents™ about the show at the dinner table aasdfgh like yet another clearly intended to be dramatic scene turned funny by the camera work and editing but also like it was so….like my mom isn’t familiar with Spring Awakening itself but she’s familiar with a lot of other ~~~edgy~~~ shows bc I’ve either been in them or gotten her to see them with me and like. I’ve worked in and on shows with kids who’s parents were SUPER against the shows material and the roles their kids played but no one ever like….stopped their kids from doing it??? And like his parents being against the stuff in the play is like….the Point of the play? And also if he already knows the script he’s already been Exposed to it, so it’s not like keeping him out of the show is gonna keep him pure or whatever?? Idk I really just don’t get why they’re bothering with that plotline tbh

Rosie Perez is always so over the top and I am always so okay with it

On that same branch though like…I know Josh Radnor loves giving impassioned speeches…but who….talks like that? Lol. Just everything he said sounded like they were trying to hard for that Big Dreamer Life Changer Teacher troupe you know???

Listen I GET why that one girl would be mad because she usually gets the leads but also….Ilse….has the better songs???? Like if someone cast me as Ilse I’d fucking cry I literally want to get a tattoo for the ‘I Don’t Do Sadness’ song bc it fucks with me so much lmao. ALSO…..I’m very interested in the whole thing with Auli’i character’s mother sleeping with her father and her thinking Auli’i is a ‘whore just like her mother’ since Wendla is the tragically innocent character in the show who was too sheltered to know anything about sex and Ilse is a victim of incest who dealt with it by acting out sexually….like it’s definitely not the same as what I’m expecting them to do with the reversed Hanschen/Ernst storyline but it’s interesting to see the parallels between them since they’ve clearly had very different upbringings when it comes to mature issues like that

Speaking of tho, Auli’i struggling with ‘Mama Who Bore Me’ until she had a big fight with her mom and can suddenly belt it to hell and back……come on

Let Me Tell You How Much I Cringed When The Teacher Outed Michael To The Entire Cast

Like, dude….you know that only like yourself and one other student knows he’s transitioning and he didn’t even tell you himself….Like yes he auditioned for a male role but he signed with his birth name like…The teacher had that list before rehearsal he literally could’ve just pulled the kid aside and asked him what he wanted to do??? I’m glad they didn’t film any of the other kids, like, caring or being weird about it though. That might be a delayed plot line but they all seemed relatively accepting so that definitely made the whole situation a little more bearable to watch

OF COURSE the lights kid is homeless….because there wasn’t enough drama

Don’t get me wrong like it’s definitely an important issue but that’s my problem with shows like this, they just Pile Everything On to the point where it’s so much like…

And then he took the kid home which we all saw coming but like, did you see the wife’s face??? He has a cell phone, he could have at least called to warn her. Their marriage seems stressed, they’ve got an emo ass son Going Through Some Ambiguous Problem That Has Lead To Drinking, and now they‘re moving a homeless kid in on top of it like. It just feels less like ‘real life’ and more like ‘how much drama can we pile into this for views’ and also it was a lot for literally the first episode? 

Who…has ever actually put on Pirates of Penzance….who has ever actually seen Pirates of Penzance….I’m not convinced it’s a real show lmao I laughed when he said he wanted to replace Spring Awakening with it what a JUMP

BURNING THE COSTUMES WAS SO FUCKING DRAMATIC ASDFGH WHO WOULD EVER?!?!?! I LOVED IT

Also though like why were they singing ‘I Believe’ for that part???? It definitely helped with the Drama And Aesthetic™ but it’s also. the rape song? Idk I think situation wise ‘Totally Fucked’ would’ve just been a better choice. They could have just done what the original broadway cast did on televised performances and changed it to ‘stuck’ lmao. Now, the moment definitely would’ve felt more….Glee-ish, with that song, so I guess they were trying to avoid that since this is a serious™ show but like again I just don’t see how ‘I Believe’ worked thematically

Also like the biggest problem this show had was PACING. Holy shit. This one episode felt like the entire season. Like literally…what else. What else can they do. These kids have apparently already been at it for weeks and are professional singers who have all the songs down for some reason. Like how many rehearsals do they have before the show??? Damn. They definitely could’ve slowed it down and dragged things out, it would‘ve felt a lot cleaner 

All in all tho….For a first episode I’d give it like a solid 7 or 8???? I’m interested enough to check out episode two but I’m also cautiously expecting to fall out of the show either because of the pacing or just them piling on too much drama just for the sake of it. What did you think???

[dailyaudiobible]

09/08/2018 DAB Transcript

Isaiah 1:1-2:22, 2 Corinthians 10:1-18 , Psalms 52:1-9 , Proverbs 22:26-27

Today is the 8th day of September. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I'm Brian. It's great to be here with you as we close down another week and finish our first full week of the month of September. And we're moving into some new territory. So, we had this period where we went through Job and Ecclesiastes, going into the deeper matters of the heart. And then we came through Song of Solomon, which obviously moved us in another direction. And now we are at the threshold of the book of Isaiah. And we'll be camping out here for a minute, so let's consider the territory that we're moving into. Isaiah is a book of prophecy classified among the Old Testament major prophets, which also includes Jeremiah, Lamentations, Ezekiel and Daniel. So, this distinction of major prophet indicates that there are minor prophets and there are. But they have nothing to do with importance, they have to do more with length and the volume of material. So, Isaiah's considered a major prophet because it contains 66 chapters, making it one of the longer books of the Bible.

Introduction to the book of Isaiah:

Isaiah's name means the Lord saves. And he was a very passionate Old Testament prophet. His writings are referred to and quoted throughout the New Testament. In fact, Jesus quoted from Isaiah eight times in the gospels. It was such an important text to Jesus that he recited from Isaiah 61 at the launch of his ministry to declare his purpose, right? The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring good news to the poor.

So, Isaiah lived in the second half of the 8th century BC. And it seems as if he was part of the upper class or the aristocracy because he had access to royalty. Although he lived in a very tumultuous time, he was able to deliver messages to kings over a long period. So, he wasn't just a crazed peasant, just kind of coming in unwanted, unkempt from the countryside. Isaiah's ministry lasted over a long period of time. He prophesied during the reigns of five different kings: Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz, Hezekiah, who he was very loyal to. They were very loyal to each other, even though they disagreed, and Manasseh. And then, according to Jewish and Christian tradition, Isaiah was martyred by being sawed in half at the order of King Manasseh. Now that's a tradition. There's nothing explicit to this event found in the Bible. But the writer of Hebrews describes the faith of the saints of old by saying, some died by stoning, some were sawed in half and others were killed with the sword. So, that there's the brief, briefest reference to that tradition. And Isaiah is divided almost evenly in content. The first thirty-nine chapters of the book discuss God's judgement, which is very sobering and the very territory that we're about to head into. And then chapters 40 through 66 discuss God's comfort and restoration, which is very hopeful. Throughout Isaiah, God's sovereignty and lordship, as well as the fact that his heavenly kingdom is to be established upon this earth, take on major themes. Which brings social justice into the mix, which is also very important to Isaiah. Even though he had access to kings, his heart was for the downtrodden. So, we're heading into the books of prophecy. And these prophetic books are full of metaphor and full of symbolism, full of allegorical language. Isaiah is no different. We just read the Song of Solomon and when we began that, we mentioned that we can look at this through several different lenses and arrive at different meanings, all worthwhile and godly. So, as we move into this territory, let's invite the Holy Spirit to lead us to what we need to see. And with that we begin. We're reading from the Modern English Version this week, which is today. Isaiah 1:1-2:22.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You for another week. O Lord, we can certainly declare Your faithfulness each and every day. And as we look back at all of the distance that we've covered this year, we can announce Your mercy and declare Your faithfulness every day. And, so, we thank You that as we move through another year, You lead us through Your word. And Your word changes us. It shifts things and we are changing. And we thank You for that. We invite You to come, Holy Spirit. Continue to plant the words in the Scriptures in our lives, leading us into all truth as You've promised. Come Jesus, we pray. In Your mighty name we ask. Amen.

Announcements: 

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And stay connected. Stay connected with your brothers and sisters at the Prayer Wall, who are praying for one another. Stay connected through social media. Check out the Daily Audio Bible shop for resources that are available to accompany you through this journey.

And if you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, thank you. You can do that at dailyaudiobible.com as well. There's a link on the homepage. If you're using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996, Spring Hill, Tennessee, 37174.

And, as always if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial. 

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for here is tomorrow. 

Community Prayer and Praise: 

Hi guys. This is Rachel calling from Scotland. I’m phoning to ask you to pray for my family, my immediate family especially. My mom passed away after an accident in 2001 and since then it’s just been my dad, my older sister, called Karen, and myself and my dad’s brother. And that’s all of our immediate family. Over the past 12 years my father’s been going out with a lady and we’ve got on okay with her. There hasn’t been any major problems. Over the last few months they’ve got engaged and she’s moved into the house that mom and dad bought together. Now, when mom died she didn’t leave a will because she died in an accident, so everything happened suddenly. My dad, fairly recently, over the past couple of months, said that…although we hadn’t fallen out and there’s been no problems in the family…that he’s actually selling the house and cut me and my sister out of his will. And he did this because he wants his fiancée to be secure in case anything happens to him. And this has caused such an upset in the family. Apart from myself, nobody’s actually speaking to him anymore and including his brother who he’s been best friends with 75 years. And they’ve never been…had an argument …they’ve never fallen out. Now there’s been so much hurt between them that they’re not welcome in each others house. The only person having communication with both sides is myself and it’s a very difficult thing to do. Please pray that God will work in this situation, that He’ll work his __ out and he’ll bring salvation to all those involved. And next, in the midst of all this distress, that they require…

Hi, my name is Denise and I’m calling from California. I’m asking for prayer in the way of solitude, divine intervention, and peace in my life, and that of my children. I’m going through struggle right now, deep deep struggle. And I know is a spiritual attack in every sense of the word. I am trying so hard to walk the line of righteousness and good but every time I feel like I’m gettin to a place it’s yanked from under me. I would like so much to just serve God, serve the Lord, and serve my fellow man without any incident but for the life of me I can’t make it to higher ground. I hurt so bad and I feel terrible that I have to walk around and put on a charade as though everything is all right when deep down inside…I just don’t know how much more I can take. I just would like for as many followers or prayer warriors out there that hear my voice to pray for me. And pray because I need it so bad. And I appreciate it. Thank you and God bless.

Hello Daily Audio Bible family. This is Butterfly from West Palm Beach. I have been listening and listening and listening, but I never called. So today, driving home I just wanted to say a prayer for all f us. Father, in the name of Jesus God I love You and I thank You. Lord I thank You for this opportunity Father to come and call on Your name for Your holy people Jesus. Lord I ask that You help us to be more like You because You know our struggles God. You know our hearts even before we were even created in our mother’s wombs, God, all of our issues that we’re dealing with, all of life’s troubles and struggles, God I just speak victory, the spirit of victory over each and every one of us God. Known and unknown God You know us. Lord, You know us by our name because God created us Father. Lord I ask right now that You go into every college campus that’s represented in the Daily Audio Bible and keep our children safe Father. Every elementary school, every middle school that is represented by every member in this Daily Audio Bible family, God we need You. Father lift our children up God. I speak to their spirits and say that you are leaders, you are the head and not the tail, above only and not beneath. Father that barren woman on the line the other day, God, do a work in her life God. Father, touch her body. Lord unstop her ears that she may hear from You directly by the Spirit God. Father, I ask in the name of Jesus God that You heal her heart in the name of Jesus God. Lord, we trust Your plans for our lives in the name of Jesus God. We know that our thoughts are not Your thoughts and our ways not Your ways but God we know that all things are working together for our good because we are called according to Your purpose God. Lord I ask that You come…

Hi family this is Mary Jo in St. Louis and I am still on a cloud from the family reunion this weekend. Let me tell you, I’ve been listening for 10 years. I never really hoped to meet any of the people that call and but on Saturday night, I’m having dinner with Annette Allison on my left, Tracy Baker on my right, and Pelham to his right. And let me tell you, these people that call in are as real in person as they are on their phone calls. And it was just the most incredible thing to meet the family, a room full of people that don’t even look familiar but we’re all connected like Brian has said. So, I hope that everyone can go next year but let me tell you for those of you who won’t ever be able to come to a family reunion or go on the Israel trip or come to any of the meet ups or maybe…won’t even call in, you are all part of that family. You are all connected with us even if we don’t meet you this side of heaven. Praying for you all. Love you all. God bless you all in Jesus name.

[dyketectivecomics]

So...what ARE you feelings on bruce being a Pisces? Let alone that Cass is an Aquarius, Dick is an Aries, Jason's a Leo and Tim's a cancer?

I slowly shut my laptop and set it aside on my bed, staring ahead at nothing in particular as I reminisce on a favorite Pisces in my life. My best friend since childhood, a girl who i’ve known for well over a decade, more than half of my life really, who happens to share the exact same birthday as Fictional Character Bruce Wayne. A Pisces-cusp.

I think on the similarities I see between them, the qualities of her character that only I and a few others would know, and try to think on how others have perceived her before joining our friend group over the years. I admire her empathy, her passion for music and video games, her willingness to put all of her friends above herself. 

And then i remember how she drunk-texted our group chat last night just to tell us she loved us & that she couldn’t wait to hit up a gay bar with us when we’re all back in town.

And I cackle. Because if no one else does, I do see these qualities in Bruce Wayne’s character. Just a hair below all the so-called brooding and angst. Bruce is a water sign who’s a little emotionally stunted in that he tries to hide his feelings, but he feels oh-so-very much. He’s a Pisces trying to emulate a Scorpio and falling just short (bc lets be real, he’s got too many kids that he definitely dotes on) but yknow… it’s something that when he’s done correctly by writers, they somehow manage to fit those qualities in without even realizing, I think. Sure, he’s not a kid that I grew up with and there’s plenty of differences because my friend is, yknow, an actual person who’s more than a couple of personality traits. But damn if I don’t see similarities….

Now, as for the rest of the kids & others that I relate them to… (under the cut, tagging as “long post” for mobile users just incase tumblr wants to be a butt again) Also a warning bc some of this will sound like I’m ripping from astrology sites but honestly just narrowed things down from my own personal experience with these signs. Take all of this observation & comparison with a grain of salt, if you wish.

Cass is an aquarius, like myself. And I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t see more than a few similarities in what few scattered stories I’ve been able to read so far (or even that I might be prone to reading a bit too much into some of it bc hey, I have a fav now & I want to see myself in her, sue me). One of these days I’m probably going to sit down and really dive in, but for now, I gather what I can, listen to the meta that others have, and ofc, try to form my own opinion. 

That being said, an eccentric-ass Aquarius is really the only choice to take over the mantle from a sensitive-ass Pisces, and everyone can fite me on this. Aquarians & Pisces, my friend and I, Bruce and Cass- all on a similar wavelength, esp when they’re encouraging each other and learning to grow from one another.

Cass is an air sign that most people only see as being grounded because of the discipline David Cain instilled in her from childhood. She’s funny, wise beyond her years, and intensely dedicated to the mission at hand bc of what it means to help others as a whole. And this is fault that I see in myself and in her: she’s got plenty of empathy for those she might already be close to, and absolutely cares about humanity in a greater sense, but caring for individuals without getting to know them can be uncomfortable. She’s driven, but can be blindsided by that dedication and burn herself out easily if others don’t intervene. Also, an introverted extrovert, one who’s absolutely ready to meet with others and collaborate/team-up, but can get a little lost in her own head from time-to-time.

…

Now, Dick the Aries. My other best friend since childhood also shares this sign with my First Favorite Robin. And I do see more than a number of parallels between the two of them. My aries friend has a penchant for taking over projects and setting themselves in charge of the operation. But they also have the charm and ingenuity to make themselves to seem the perfect and best fit for that leadership position. They’re rebellious, a little brash in decision-making, but they’ve also mellowed out over the years in many small ways. Still on fire about what they’re most passionate about in life, and more than willing to achieve it by any means necessary, damn anyone who thinks that they won’t.

There’s a popular consensus in fanon to make dick a kind of hufflepuff who’s just there for his friends & loves hugs and is lovey all around- but Dick is driven. He cares for his friends fiercely and will help them absolutely, but he’s ready to avenge them too. He’ll punch you in the face, pirouette with the utmost amount of sass, and then make you feel bad for making him do it in the first place. He’s got that bit of deviousness that will make you second guess his intentions. But if you’re already part of his inner circle, you have nothing to fear from him. And that’s where his lovey side then has room to come out.

…

Moving on to Jason the leo, and I know you didn’t ask, but Im adding Stephanie to this discussion as well since she’s a leo too. A few leos that I’ve gotten to know over the years can be summed up very lovingly as this: attention whores. (again. very lovingly. i love each and every one of those bitches so damn much, this is something they’ve each used to describe themselves lmao)

Leo is the King of the Zodiac, commanding attention in the room whenever they walk in. They’ve got plenty to say, of course, and they’re excellent diplomats/socialites in many ways. Often best suited for a leadership position. They know how to read the conversation and the room and turn it best into their favor. They will dazzle you with their wit and charm, but also in their knowledge of the subject at hand. If they have an Opinion, they’ll absolutely let you know what it is, and they’re not afraid to hold back on what they perceive to be a truth. Some will have a bit more tact than others, but they’re a fire sign, after all. 

Did this just describe Jason & Steph? well maybe not to some, but I definitely see their drive to complete their own missions & joining up Bruce’s crusade as Leo qualities. Steph and Jay are willing to do what it takes and butt heads with whoever they must if it means doing what they see is right. They’re absolutely social people too (maybe Steph a bit more than Jay will be), and you can’t deny they’ve both got a certain kind of charm over the rest of the family.

…

Tim the cancer sign… this is… difficult actually. One of the few signs that I don’t recall having significant interaction with. (& honestly the character & Robin that I have the least personal interest in. I do want to like him but I just…??? Havent rlly found the time to put into reading up on him more)

But just going off the water sign aspect, and knowing water signs in my life… Emotions & emotional intelligence are obviously going to be at the forefront. From what I’ve gathered on Tim, he’s very well-rounded in all areas of his life, and driven to succeed at whatever he’s set his mind to. I can absolutely respect the strength his character has commanded over the years, and his popularity is absolutely earned, I think. Writers have worked hard to make sure he’s distinct from Dick & Jason before him in many ways, and I’ll have to look deeper into his character & listen to more meta on him before I’ll be comfortable to speak further on that.

…

To round out this discussion, I want to bring Barbara into the mix, because she’s had a fixed birthday for awhile now. And tbh she’s just as much part of the family as the rest I think (yes, I know some people get Babs fatigue bc she’s the first batgirl & gets the other girls lost in the shuffle but hey! I’ve loved her for awhile now!) She is *drum roll* a Libra!

Now, this ones a bit tricky, bc the most important Libra in my life is my mom. Buuuut, she and Babs are both cusps… on opposite ends of this zodiac sign. I admire my mother for her resolve, inventiveness, work ethic, and stability. I also loathe her tendency to micromanage projects, become overly involved in the work of others (to the point where she WILL find out whats going wrong) and how she tends to overwork herself (just this past spring has been really really difficult. I’m surprised she hasn’t worked herself into the grave with the amount of stress she puts on herself)

Now some of these qualities, I absolutely see in Babs. But I also see a bit more awareness in her character, esp when she’s grown up into her Oracle persona. She seems able to recognize what she’s doing and how she’s affecting others, and will sometimes use that to her advantage. She’s a character who’s grown into the adversity she faces & doesnt let it change her resolve for completing the mission, even if it needs to be from a new (& probably better) angle. She adapts well to change, or forces the change to adapt to her. She is a force to be reckoned with and admired.

…

All of this to say… at the end of the day, the stars are still just balls of gas and light that sit some billion light-years away from us. Do they really control our personalities? I mean, probably not. But there’s enough similarities in those traits to make you wonder… and it’s honestly just a Good Fun Time regardless. 

[sumigakure]

we’re getting the band (back) together

To: @modernart2012

From: @arrowsbane​

Title: we’re getting the band (back) together

Rating: T

Wordcount: 1486

Prompt: Pacific Rim AU. Preference for MadaTobi, but I’m open to any pairing, romantic or otherwise. Doesn’t have to follow the movie, can follow the comics.

Notes: I went very AU with this, but right now Idek bc I swapped prompts halfway through, and this is what my brain came up with.

Summary: “We’re getting the band back together!” Jiraiya crows exuberantly. Tsunade, of course, is just there to knock some heads together; and Orochimaru… Orochimaru hates them both. He’d rather being science-ing in his lab right about now.

After the shinobi villages formed, when the clans finally came together in order to stop the wars, the worst thing anybody really had to worry about was politics and conflicting missions…

And then… everything changed.

When the Zetsu first began attacking, it was the Samurai who came up with the concept for the Jaegar Project. It was a great idea, two people piloting a giant, fifty foot mechanical robot to combat the threat… until, of course, the Shinobi nations took one look at the machine and started to laugh.

The Project wasn’t scrapped – it couldn’t be scrapped, not with the panicked civilians’ screaming en masse at the politicians. Instead, it was made the public face of international defence.

Instead, the Parabatai Project was designed – which in turn spawned the Cerebus Program as the years passed; implants inserted directly into the spinal column and interfacing with the CNS and brainstem, wirelessly connected to partnered hubs.

The implants enabled the user to link-up with others, and essentially become one mind simultaneously piloting and co-ordinating multiple bodies. If used by an ordinary swordsman, it would be lethal… used by Ninja… well, that was just inspired.

And so began the evolution of the ninja villages – Senju Tobirama and Uchiha Madara paved the way, demonstrating the deadly efficiency of two compatible genii able to share a hive mind-set. The land of Fire was set ablaze in their attempt to wipe out the Zetsu, but even their combined might was not enough. 

Genin teams were put together for balance, but ninja were assessed again as Chunin, and often reassigned to different units in order to test flexibility and search out the best ‘fit’. Partners were usually set around the age of sixteen, once puberty had evened out – chakra helping to stabilise the mind and body ahead of civilian standards.

When Sarutobi’s Genin team were slotted together, nobody had really expected much of them – well, they had expected them to become brilliant ninja… separately… in their own right… but nobody had foreseen the titans that they would be in the field.

The implants stung at first, they always did – Jiraiya bitched, Orochimaru scowled… and Tsunade… Tsunade was smug, because the idiots had ignored the opportunity to learn the healing techniques she’d used on herself within five minutes of leaving the Cerebus Centre.

Sarutobi shook his head and sighed, directing them to training ground twenty-three, and settling in to watch the no-doubt hilarious show that would be the three of them (re)learning to navigate while sharing headspace with minds that weren’t their own.

“Ouch!”

“Out of the way!”

“Ow. Ow OW OW TSUNADE!”

“Mooorrrooon.”

Sarutobi found himself dropping the rice ball and hastily intervening as Orochimaru’s words began to slur together in the telling manner that threatened the destruction of the whole training ground… or the village being swamped in snakes. Again.

The Sannin weathered so many storms, so many encounters with the Zetsu over the years before the cracks begin to show.

Time isn’t kind, nor is life. Some grow close, some grow apart… and constant expectations of high success rates, expectations of perfection, of setting the bar, of succeeding in an impossible war…

Tsunade lost her brother and fiancée, Orochimaru’s humanity slipped further and further from his grip with every passing year, and Jiraiya buried years of pain and disappointment beneath a wide grin and creased-closed eyes.

And then the cracks met in the middle, and the team shattered at the seams.

The Sanin were no more.

Time ticks on, and the Zetsu keep coming.

New teams step up to the plate, nations rise and fall in the leaderboards for ‘have killed the most useless monsters’… and eventually the Hokage throws his hands in the air, sighs, and sends his ANBU out to drag Jiraya away from the Hot Springs and into his office – by the ear if necessary.

“Enough,” He tells the wayward brat – fifty years old or not, he’s a brat – “Enough. This has gone on for long enough.”

Jiraiya, of course, scowls.

“I’m not the one who left,” He grumbles, crossing his arms and ducking his chin, the picture of an angry pre-teen. Sarutobi sighs and rubs the crease between his brows.

“No,” he replies, “you are not; but that doesn’t mean you can’t go after them.”

Jiraya, tellingly, doesn’t answer. He sits there in sullen silence for a long while, and then slinks out of the office. Sarutobi has a sinking feeling. This will not end well.

Tsunade is drinking in a bar when he finds her, flushed pink from the alcohol, and halfway to falling asleep on a bill she won’t ever pay.

“No,” she says before he can even open his mouth, before he’s even in her line of sight – like she knows what he’s there for – and she does, because she’s still got the implants, and he would never give his up.

“But–”

“No.”

Jiraiya sighs, and flops down into a seat next to her, raising an arm to the bartender who nods and sets down a bottle of Sake and a cup in front of him.

“Kampai,” he mutters in a subdued tone.

Fuck. Now he remembers why he never chased after them before now.

The next morning dawns bright and clear – the sun is shining, the birds are singing… the local castle is exploding in a cloud of dust and rubble.

The fuck?

Jiraiya bolts upright, and groans, supressing the urge to drop back down into bed as the force of his hangover – and Tsunade’s, shit, how did he forget about that perk of the bond? – hits him smack in the cap of the skull, and his eyes feel like they’ve been burnt out of his head.

Goddammit, what was that?

He squints out against the morning glare, wrenching the window open and pushing off of the sill with practised ease, zoning in on the source of the noise.

Boom usually equals bad in his books.

And he’s right. He’s not the only one there though – Tsunade and her apprentice (Shizue? Torune? Shizune?) follows them, carrying a pig of all things.

Not only that, but looming out of the dust and snarling with frustration is–

“Orochimaru?” Jiraiya yelps. He hadn’t sensed the snake nin nearby. How had he not sensed the man when he’s lit up like a fucking chakra beacon?

“What did you do?” Tsunade screeches angrily, staring at was once a piece of local cultural history and is now a mass of stone and dirt.

“It wasn’t me,” Their wayward teammate snarls back at her; and as one, they turn to see a writing white mass melting into nothingness. But of course, where there’s one Zetsu, there’s dozens more.

“We’ll talk about this later,” She orders, ignoring Jiraiya’s whine of pain, and smashing a chakra-coated fist through the head of a Zetsu that had been trying to sneak up on her.

“Sure, “Orochimaru snipes backwards, “Sometime after the two of you have drunk your weight in sake again I suppose?”

“Please,” Tsunade snorts, kicking another Zetsu into a group, and the lot of them go down like bowling pins. “I’d need a lot more than that to handle your crap.”

Jiraiya tunes them out, focusing on using their connection – something he hasn’t done in over ten years – to handle the situation, although the back of his brain feels the familiar to-and-fro of death threats and general snarking.

He’s missed this.

When it’s all over and done with, and they’re standing in the wreckage of the battlefield, Jiraiya lets his shoulders slump, and turns to his old friends with a grin on his face – a grin he’s not worn in a long time.

“That was fun,” Tsunade admits as they make their way down to the town. She’s going to need sake to get through the rest of they day.

“Yeah, it was.” Jiraiya agrees happily, and Orochimaru snorts. “Oh don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it.”

“I didn’t hate it…” Orochimaru acquiesces, stepping over a large chunk of stone and mortar.

“Aww, I love you too.” Jiraiya latches onto his teammate like a limpet on a rock.

“Get your hand off of me, Moron.” Orochimaru hisses, flipping his hair over his shoulder and trying to squirm out of Jiraiya’s grip.

“You’re both idiots.” Tsunade grumbles, shaking out her clothes.

“But we’re your idiots.” Jiraiya tells her cheerfully.

“You’re certainly something,” She grumbles, and then freezes as a thought passes through Jiraiya’s head.

“No,” She says.

“No.” Orochimaru agrees with her.

It’s too late though, they both know he’s not going to let them go again.

“Don’t say it,” Tsunade groans, rubbing her aching temples and Orochimaru groans.

“We’re getting the band back together!” Jiraiya crows exuberantly. Tsunade, of course, is just there to knock some heads together; and Orochimaru… Orochimaru hates them both. He’d rather being science-ing in his lab right about now.

If you enjoyed this piece, why not take a look at other pieces written by the same author on AO3.

[crowned-ladybug]

Follow My Voice

Hoo boy was this a monster to write. Sorry for the quality, I’m...I’m not sure how happy I am with this, actually

Tagging @magic-marvin-protection-patrol and @the-septic-theory-squad since they asked nicely, @markired ofc since I promised her I’d write this and @sunkistjello bc I know they’ve been looking forward to reading this monstrosity

Characters: Jackie, Marvin

Word count: 4.8k

Warnings: violence, blood, torture, kidnapping, a bit of gun violence, possible character death, this is like 90% angst and 10% comfort tbh. Jackie and Marvin are dating.

It's not usual that Jackie lays off his superhero duties for an afternoon, let alone a whole day, but if there's ever a valid reason for him to do so then it's Marvin. Hanging out with Marvin, in this case.

He makes his way to the park with a spring in his step, excited as ever to spend time with his boyfriend. They have nothing particular planned, just the meeting point in the park, same bench as always, and they'll just go from there. Maybe they will spend half the day just wandering in the park, talking and joking around, or maybe they will walk around the city exploring, maybe they will find a nice little café to sit outside and argue whether white or dark chocolate is better. Whichever it shall be, Jackie is looking forward to it. As long as he can spend a peaceful day with Marvin, he's happy.

When he finds the bench, he expects Marvin to already be waiting there. It could technically happen that he got here first, but it's not likely. As scatter-brained as Marvin can be, he's never been anything but punctual when it came to this kind of thing.

What he definitely doesn't expect is a walkie-talkie sitting on the bench with a note of his name attached to it. His mind immediately kicks into overdrive and it's no wonder he's a hero – he's ready to fight goddamn anything if Marvin got hurt. It might just be a simple walkie-talkie, but it's too suspicious to call harmless. His instincts tell him something is very wrong.

He cannot fight a disembodied voice on the other end of the speakers.

When he picks up the walkie-talkie, presses the button on the side and says a stone cold "Hello" into the mic, the response is immediate. The voice that answers him screams evil and it doesn't help calm the alarms in his mind one bit.

"Hmm, Jackieboy," the voice says lazily. "Finally. I've been growing tired of waiting."

"Who are you?" Jackie growls curtly. It's a typical supervillain voice right out of a cheesy movie, but he's not here to play make believe with a potential maniac.

"That is not important. Neither are my motives or sob story, mind you. I don't feel like going into detail right now," they take a short break from talking, and from the quiet groan Jackie guesses they're stretching. What a bastard, being comfortable during a conversation like this. "What is important, however, is that you have one hour to find me and surrender yourself. Am I clear?"

"And why the fuck exactly would I do that?"

"Now, now, Jackieboy," damn, this tone is irritating and Jackie wishes he could slap whoever is talking. "A swearing superhero? Not exactly fitting, is it now? But, to answer your question – I have something I know you would certainly like to get back."

He's about to ask what they mean when the puzzle completes itself in his mind. Marvin...That bastard has Marvin.

When he presses down the button again he's trembling with anger. "Don't you dare hurt him!"

The bastard on the other end of the line laughs. They laugh.

"I'm afraid you're already a little too late for that," another short pause, and it makes Jackie's blood boil. "Your sweet boyfriend here is...quite powerful, actually, so I'm afraid we had to take some...rather drastic actions to, uhm, subdue him."

"Marvin!" Jackie screams into the mic as soon as the other end of the line goes silent. He feels like he's about to break down. They took Marvin, they hurt him, God, what if they...what if...

"Oh, he's alive, don't you worry," the voice chuckles once they finally respond. "But if you would like him to stay that way, you come find me within an hour and surrender yourself. Best of luck, Jackieboy," they finish in a sickly sweet tone and then the line goes mute.

Jackie's knees buckle and he has to sit down for a moment to compose himself. They took Marvin, they hurt him, he doesn't even know how bad, and now they want him to find them within a mere hour without giving any clues. That's impossible. He's not a superhero, he doesn't have x-ray vision or teleportation or whatever that could help him in this. He's just utterly lost and alone and scared. Gosh, he's so scared.

But he can't just sit on a bench for a whole hour crying over his misfortune. Crying won't save Marvin. He doesn't know a way to succeed, but he has to try. He'd do anything to protect Marvin.

It's a wild goose chase, and deep down Jackie knows it's hopeless, but he refuses to give up. He asks everyone around the park, but no one has seen anything suspicious. After that all he knows to do is run from rooftop to rooftop, hoping to find something to help him. Just looking for a sign, anything at all.

In about ten minutes the walkie-talkie he's still clutching in his hand sizzles, then he hears the voice again.

It hurts even more this time.

"Jackieboy, are you there?" there's that sick chuckle again. "I have someone here who would is dying to talk to you."

Before he could respond there's another voice at the end of the line and Jackie can swear his heart shatters.

"J-Jackie..." it's Marvin. Gosh, it's Marvin, and he sounds so hoarse and weak Jackie wants to cry. "Don't...don't listen to them."

Jackie stops and sits down against the nearest chimney, clutching the walkie-talkie in his hand. The button on the other end remains pressed so he can't even respond to Marvin.

"Don't come here, p-please...it's not worth it," he coughs and Jackie flinches at the sound. "Don't give yourself up for me, it's not...not worth it, okay?"

The absence of white noise tells Jackie that he can talk now. And fuck, does he have things to say. "Don't say that, you hear me? Don't you fucking...no, I'm going there and saving you whether you like it or not."

"I'm not...worth that much."

"You're worth the whole goddamn world to me, okay?" he doesn't care that he's only empowering that sick fuck that's got Marvin, he needs to say this. He needs Marvin to know. "You're worth everything. If this asshole wants me to give myself up then so be it, if it means you'll be safe."

"Oh, how sweet," it's that bastard again and Jackie wants to punch a wall. He can hear Marvin's muffled screams in the background and it makes him feel sick. "You better hurry then, huh?" they laugh, and the line goes dead again.

Jackie picks himself up off the ground and gets back on his search. He needs to save Marvin, no matter the cost.

When the next call comes in he wants to throw the walkie-talkie to the ground and leave it, but it’s his only connection to Marvin and so he doesn’t.

“He’s quite the tough one, isn’t he?” the voice on the other end muses lazily. “He put up quite a fight when we caught him...he’s still fighting, actually,” the almost bored to tone turns into one of sadistic interest. “But he’s ought to break sometime.”

There’s noises – footsteps, shuffling, a few words Jackie can’t make out...then something that sounds like a punch, then a groan. Then…

“No...” it’s incredibly quiet and the next moment Jackie can hear more punches and groans, but he recognises it as Marvin. His hand tightens around the railing he’s using to hold himself upright.

All noise dies from the speakers and Jackie tentatively presses down on the button on his own walkie-talkie. “Marvin? Is that you? Are you there?” he lets go again, waiting for a response.

“Jackie...” he sounds even weaker than before and Jackie can hear his every breath. But then there’s faint chuckling and Jackie’s worry explodes into anger. He has to get Marvin out of there, now.

“I’m here, it’s okay. I’m coming. I’m going to save you, just,” he sucks in a breath and tries to keep down the panic rising in his chest. He can’t break down, not now. “Just hold on. Please.”

The villain doesn’t talk to him again this time. There’s only a faint click from the other end, then the lines goes silent.

Jackie searches in ever-expanding circles starting from the park. He knows Marvin’s kidnapper could have easily loaded him into a car and drove off to a much farther-off location in little time, but he cannot know for sure. He literally doesn’t know anything, he doesn’t know what he’s looking for nor if he’ll know it when he finds it. It’s hopeless.

He almost tumbles off the ledge he’s perched on when the next call comes in.

“You know,” the voice on the other side says as if they were just discussing neighbourhood gossip over a cup of tea. “I wonder if he will bleed out before you get here, actually.”

Jackie bites down on his lower lip and tries to hold back his tears. God knows what’s happening to Marvin right now and he’s not there to protect him. He feels like he’s being torn into a thousand pieces and he feels so lost. He’s scared.

“He took the punches and kicks pretty well, he’s definitely a tough one,” they continue like they aren’t talking about literal torture. Jackie listens carefully, tries to hear past their voice for any sign of Marvin, but there isn’t any background noise for him to decipher. “The knife, however...you know, that’s a bit harder to soldier through.”

Jackie wants to scream. He’s crying, the tears blurring his vision no matter how much he wipes at his eyes, and he wants to scream. Leave him alone, give him back, what has he ever done to you, stop hurting him, stop...but there’s no way he could make them listen.

“I think we’ll bandage him up, just a little. Playing with someone unconscious is only half the fun, after all,” Jackie can hear that sickening grin again. He feels like he’s going to throw up.

Finally there’s the little click and Jackie can talk.

“Stop...” he croaks and he doesn’t know where his voice is gone. “Stop, there’s no need for this. There’s no need to keep hurting him, I’m coming to you anyway.”

“That’s the thing Jackieboy. It’s not necessary – but fun things never are,” they chuckle. “We’re just past half time, little hero. Better hurry up!”

The line goes dead once more and Jackie takes off running. Half the time, half an hour more to do this and save Marvin.

Jackie almost misses a jump when the walkie-talkie sizzles to life again. He steadies himself, crouches on the roof he just landed on and listens. He’s not sure if his heart will be able to take yet another one of these.

“So, I’ve been wondering...what’s under the magician’s mask?”

Jackie swears his heart misses a beat hearing that. No…

He knows what’s behind Marvin’s mask. Scars, dozens of them, jagged and pale, criss-crossing his face as remnants of an accident that should have taken his sight and maybe his life as well had it not been for his magic. Marvin hates them. Jackie thinks he’s still beautiful.

The scars are the reason Marvin always wears a mask, even Jackie has only seen him without it a handful of times. He’s ashamed of his scars, he hates them, he hates seeing them or letting anyone else see them. If someone were to try to take off his mask Marvin would give them hell, except...now he’s most likely helpless. And Jackie cannot fight for him this time.

“Be dear and hold him still for me. It will ruin the dramatic effect if he keeps squirming around.”

Jackie feels like he’s about to faint. Stop, he wants to scream, stop, don’t do this to him, but the button is still pressed on the other end. He can still hear Marvin’s muffled screaming. He knows they must have tied something around his mouth to keep him quiet. It hurts so damn much to even think about Marvin being so helpless and at this bastard’s mercy.

Punches and kicks and even stabs are one thing, but this? Jackie knows that this would hurt Marvin more than anything before.

The speaker finally goes silent.

“Stop! Don’t do this!” Jackie sobs. He doesn’t have any good reasons to try and persuade that asshole with to stop torturing Marvin. “Please!”

“I’m sorry, am I upsetting you, Jackieboy?” there’s that sick smirk again. “I just can’t help my curiosity!”

The line remains occupied, Jackie can still hear Marvin screaming. He knows he’ll hear it again in his nightmares. Helpless, he can only mumble his pleas to himself. “Don’t...please, don’t...”

Marvin’s screaming gets even louder and Jackie’s blood runs cold. And over it all come the words that make his stomach churn. “My, my...what a pretty sight,” the voice coos, sickeningly sweet. “Certainly more than what I was expecting.”

Why...why would they do this? Jackie is shaking, but he doesn’t notice. He isn’t even sure what he’s feeling anymore, it’s such a confusing mixture of fear and anger and pain, and he only knows that it’s making him sick. Being apart from Marvin is making him sick.

He can’t even hear his screams anymore.

“You chose yourself a pretty one, didn’t you, Jackieboy?”

Jackie barely hears the line go silent over the ringing in his ears. “Marvin...”

“I’m sure he’s going to be fine,” drawls the voice on the other side. “Though for now he doesn’t seem to be in the best of moods.”

“Why...” Jackie’s voice is barely above a whisper.

“No, the question is – why not?” they laugh again. Bastard. “Time’s running out, Jackieboy. Tick tock, tick tock. Your dear Marvin doesn’t have much longer left...I’d hurry if I were you.”

The line is cut off once again.

The final time the walkie-talkie comes to life Jackie has to brace himself against a wall.

“I regret to inform you, but,” there’s a short pause, a couple seconds at best. “time is up.”

All strength drains from Jackie’s arm as he falls against the wall. “No...”

“It’s been a pleasure, Jackieboy. A real shame we never got to meet,” they let out a small chuckle. “Maybe next time?”

“No! Wait!” Jackie screams without checking if the line is free for him to talk. It isn’t. “Don’t!”

There’s footsteps, random noises Jackie can’t place, some voices he cannot make out. He’s trembling and crying, slumping against the wall as he crumbles to the ground. This can’t be happening...there has to be another way, he can’t let this happen, he can’t lose Marvin…

“Your darling Marvin will die knowing that you have failed him.” These are the last words Jackie can hear from the speaker and he can tell whoever is saying them is enjoying themselves.

There’s an agonised scream that Jackie recognises as Marvin, and he flinches violently at the sound, sobbing loudly. “Stop...don’t do this...stop...”

He screams when he hears the gunshot and then the thud of a body hitting the ground. This can’t be...it can’t be…

And the line goes dead for the last time.

Jackie picks himself up again, keeps going. He repeats to himself like a mantra – he could have survived the shot, he could have survived the shot, he could have survived…

He searches until he’s utterly lost. The neighbourhood he’s in is unfamiliar and quiet, somewhere in the outskirts. He doesn’t care, he just keeps going and hoping against hope, and honestly he’s not sure how much of his sanity he still has left.

The pain has left him feeling numb and lifeless. They took Marvin. He can’t accept it, it can’t be real, but deep down, beneath the pain and denial he knows it is. In just an hour his life had gone from joyful and bright to a broken one, a disaster, a life not worth living.

He doesn’t know why he’s still searching.

He’s yanked from his thoughts by a tiny flash of light on the other side of the silent street. The sun is setting, he just realises, and he feels dizzy.

Across from him, on the edge of the sidewalk he sees a cat. It’s cute, but then again which cat isn’t. Jackie wants to fall to his knees and cry because cats remind him of Marvin’s mask and by extension Marvin himself, but he remains standing.

The cat doesn’t move for another moment save for the tip of its tale nodding from side to side as it stands, staring at Jackie. It’s a tabby, wearing thick black stripes over a warm brown coat, and just from looking at it Jackie can tell its fur must feel really soft. The green eyes that first caught Jackie’s attention are framed by a round face, and when the cat adjusts its posture Jackie notices a yellow collar around its neck. At least he knows it’s not a stray.

Jackie feels mesmerized, but apparently the cat doesn’t as the next moment it flicks its ear and starts walking down the street at a leisurely pace. Deciding that he has no better lead to follow, Jackie decides to go after it.

The cat doesn’t seem to mind being followed. It quickens its pace every time Jackie gets too close, but it doesn’t run away. Not until they have passed two streets, at least.

The cat rounds the corner into the third one and Jackie follows. There the little creature stops and watches for a moment as the hero catches up. They’re standing outside an abandoned-looking garage, weeds poking out through the cracks in the asphalt and not a single soul in sight. Before Jackie could get closer, the cat jumps on a nearby trashcan and then to the roof, and with one last flick of its tail it disappears from sight.

So much for that hopeless lead, Jackie thinks. At least following a random cat made him forget about his pain for a little while.

It takes him a moment to realise that there’s a strange smell lingering in the air. He tiredly notes that it seems almost metallic, but the next second his instincts kick in and scream “Run!”

It’s blood. And it’s coming from the garage.

He refuses to listen to his instincts. He’s still a hero, even if a broken and useless one, and blood means someone might need his help. He takes a deep breath, then another one and forces his mind to focus before he pushes the half-open garage door up fully. His eyes need a moment to adjust to the shade inside.

His heart almost stops right there when he can finally make out a bloodied figure lying on their back on the floor, unmoving. Just a step’s distance from them there’s something on the ground, carelessly discarded...Jackie’s knees buckle and he has to hold onto the doorframe for balance when he realises that it’s a white mask, shaped like a cat’s head…

Marvin.

He stumbles over to him, scooping up the mask with one hand on his way, and collapses onto his knees next to his body. There’s no way he can hold his tears back now.

Marvin is alive. He doesn’t look it at first glance, but he is. His chest rises and falls heavily with every breath, and a small smile tugs at his lips when he recognises Jackie.

“Hey, Jackie...” his voice is hoarse and weak, but he’s alive and strong enough to talk, and that’s all Jackie cares about right now.

“I love you,” Jackie sobs in response because he knows that amongst all the screaming and crying and the race against time he never once got to say it and he’s regretted it a thousand times over while scouring the city.

“I love you, too,” Marvin sighs and closes his eyes for a moment. No matter how happy he is that Jackie is there, he’s still in a lot of pain.

Jackie wipes his eyes clumsily with the back of his hand. His gaze traces the dozens of scars around Marvin’s eyes, shiny, pale lines running across his skin. He’s not repulsed by them but seeing them now breaks his heart knowing how they have been revealed. His hands fumble with the mask he picked up.

“Here, I’ve got your mask,” he reaches to place it on Marvin’s face as if it was the most important thing to do right now (maybe in a way it is), but Marvin turns his head away with a small smile.

“It’s okay. It’s only you and me now, it can stay off.”

“Okay...okay,” Jackie mumbles. He feels disoriented and he wants to do something, he needs to, but his mind draws a blank. He takes a deep breath and shudders as he lets it out, and Marvin just watches him in silence.

There’s a lot of blood, on the ground and staining Marvin’s clothes, but it’s less than what Jackie had expected. As he looks Marvin over he loses count of all the cuts and the bruises that have just started appearing. But he also notices that most of the cuts have started to scab over and close up on their own – though they’re still bleeding they have started healing unnaturally fast even without being treated. Lastly he notes with relief that he cannot see any wounds caused by a bullet.

“What happened?” Jackie breathes, a tamer version of “How are you alive?”

Marvin hears it anyway. He knows Jackie too well, maybe better than himself. “���S magic, bro,” he chuckles at his own bad humour. “’Nd I didn’t even have my cape.”

Jackie gives a little laugh as he wipes at his face again. That’s the best he can do for now. He knows Marvin has quite the unique sense of humour, but Jackie can’t find it in himself to laugh when he’s still bleeding out in front of him.

“No, seriously...”

“It is magic though,” Marvin says, calmer. He notices that Jackie is shaking and wants to reach for his hand but his arm won’t obey him. Wow, that’s frustrating.

“You know what, uh...” Jackie cuts in with an apologetic look. “You can tell me on the way back home, okay? I don’t wanna stay here any longer.”

“Understandable.”

Jackie curses Marvin’s ability to be nonchalant even while severely wounded and bleeding to death.

He hands Marvin his mask before gathering him up into his arms. Marvin hisses with pain a dozen times in the process, and Jackie keeps mumbling apologies and words of comfort whenever he does. In the end Jackie still stands, a bit wobbly with exhaustion but still holding Marvin securely against his chest. Marvin looks much closer to passing out than he did before and Jackie’s worry for him flares.

“I changed my mind, you can just tell me everything later,” Jackie offers as he starts towards the garage door.

“Nah, I’m...good...” but he sounds so weak and out of breath that he knows he’s not fooling Jackie.

“You certainly don’t look like you are.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Jackie tightens his hold on him and presses a kiss into his hair. “Shush.”

He isn’t sure what he’s going to do. It’s almost completely dark, they’re far away from home and he can’t take Marvin to a hospital, not with magically healing wounds and cradled by a superhero. He’s about to ask Marvin for ideas when he beats him to it.

“Just...gimme a second...” he closes his eyes and rests his head against Jackie’s chest. “I gotta gather my strength but...I can teleport us home.”

“There’s absolutely no way I’m letting you do that.”

“It’s either that, Jackieboy,” Marvin breathes, and Jackie knows he’s serious when he calls him “Jackieboy”. “...or you’re carrying me...across the city...at night, on your own.”

Jackie doesn’t answer for a bit. He wishes there was another way, one that wouldn’t sap Marvin’s energy even further but Marvin is right – there’s no other way. “Just be careful.”

“I’ll be fine...just don’t...let go of me and I’ll...be fine...”

“I won’t,” he kisses the top of Marvin’s head again. “Not in a thousand years.”

“Wow, cheesy,” Marvin huffs weakly and Jackie curses his everlasting sense of humour.

“I spent my day trying to rescue you from a supervillain and now I’m carrying you home bridal style, Marvin, I think I’m allowed to be cheesy.”

“Fine, fine,” he gives in. He closes his eyes again and his body grows tense in Jackie’s arms as he braces himself to use his magic. Before Jackie could ask him if he’s okay it’s already over and he’s standing in the middle of their living room, an unconscious Marvin in his arms.

It takes most of Jackie’s knowledge of first aid and all of their bandages to patch Marvin up. It’s messy and exhausting and there’s a lot of blood, but Jackie knows there’s no one else to do it and so he does. By the end of it he’s shaking and crying, and he feels like he’s going to fall over any minute, and Marvin doesn’t wake up for a second. Jackie curses him, lovingly and without ill intentions of course.

Now Jackie is sitting on the floor next to the bed Marvin is lying on. He’s taken a quick shower and changed into regular clothes and almost had a breakdown over accidentally grabbing the flannel shirt Marvin would steal from him the most. He’s wearing it now. Apparently Marvin had been the last one to wear it, because it smells like him.

“Hey.”

It doesn’t even startle Jackie when Marvin wakes and first speaks to him. Maybe he’s just too tired. He’s leaning against the edge of the bed now, head on his arms and drying tears on his cheeks, blinking slowly up at Marvin. He reaches his hand out towards him, absently thumbing at the darkening lines under his eyes. Marvin leans into his touch.

“Hey. Feeling better?”

“A bit, yeah,” he sighs and closes his eyes for a moment. Damn, he’s tired. “I didn’t lie though, it was magic.”

Jackie sits up straighter to listen, propping his head up on his hand that isn’t busy stroking Marvin’s face. He’s waiting for the moment Marvin tells him off for being cheesy again.

“They beat me up enough...so that I couldn’t use magic...on my own,” his breathing is heavy and it’s hard to talk, but he won’t give up trying. “But magic...it’s instinct. It happens on instinct. The bullet, it...never reached me. I had just enough magic...the very last moment...to make it disappear to save...myself.”

His head rolls to the side tiredly. He closes his eyes, concentrates on his breathing for a moment and tries to gather his strength to keep on talking. Jackie watches him silently, not wanting to interrupt.

“I...pretended it hit but...I passed out...don’t know how I got to where...you found...me,” Marvin coughs weakly. “I guess I still had...enough magic left...in me to start h-healing me...so I wouldn’t bleed out...I guess...”

“You should rest,” Jackie decides to end it there. “Please rest.”

“Fine,” the corners of his lips still quirk upward. Jackie just gives him a scolding look he’s not sure Marvin can really understand right now.

“I’ll stay, okay?”

“You’d better,” Marvin tries for a laugh but fails. He knows he must be driving Jackie insane at this point.

“Shut up and sleep,” Jackie groans as he pushes himself up and Marvin can swear he can hear him muttering “ass” under his breath. He squeezes himself into the thin space between Marvin’s body and the wall, and drapes an arm across his stomach, careful to avoid his wounds. He then presses a kiss to Marvin’s forehead, then another onto the bridge of his nose and the scars running across there. “You’ll feel better in the morning.”

Marvin doesn’t respond. He can’t move around much, but he turns his head towards Jackie and one of his hands finds grip on his arm as he drifts off to sleep. Jackie watches with gentle eyes as his body finally relaxes.

“Goodnight,” Jackie murmurs, curling as close to him as he can without touching. “I love you.”

He wishes he had the energy to sit vigil by his bedside, but he just doesn’t. He knows there will probably be nightmares for both of them, maybe not tonight but in the coming days and weeks. He knows in the morning he will feel like absolute shit. He knows he will cry his eyes out, tear himself apart for being such a horrible hero and boyfriend, for letting Marvin get hurt. He knows there’s a long path of (hopefully) healing ahead the both of them.

But he will cross that bridge when he gets there.

[cryingbilldenbrough]

you: a concept: kasplonbrough also you in the tags of your post: “i’m feeling some bill/eddie/mike ot3!” me: ok bitch it’s time so i’m thinking i’m going to need to know who was dating first and how was the third person added? like i need to know some origin stuff. please and thank you (also ilysm).

OK so let’s build off this post

the thing is, bill knows eddie loves mike more than friends, more than a brother even

he can tell by the way eddie gets a little short of breath when mike bends over to pick up a particularly heavy rock, muscles straining beneath a white shirt

and bill knows mike’s similarly smitten, cause he bites back a smile whenever eddie gets started on one of his rants, gearing up and sucking in a deep breath to get ready to talk for as long as he can without interruption

bill figures he just needs to leave them to it

(even though he’s fallen in love with mike’s smile and his casual wit and his soft-spoken intelligence)

(even though he’s been in love with eddie kaspbrak since before he can remember)

he knows he needs to step back and let them figure it out, without getting his own stupid feelings involved

cause for bill, love is So Messy

he’s a glass table with jagged broken edges, one blow from fracturing further into a thousand pieces

and his friends deserve a love untainted, without fear of breaking

(bill’s kind of an idiot)

anyway, mike and eddie never get together as kids

cause eddie goes off to new york for the second half of high school and mike takes on more responsibility at the farm

and they all kind of just…. forget each other

bill forgets about thursday night dinners and helping mike’s mom cook and he forgets looking out the kitchen window to watch mike and eddie, pink cheeked and eyes watering from battling biting wind, do farm chores with breathless smiles on their faces

bill eats dinner alone at the dining room table at his house and can’t shake the feeling of emptiness in his chest

he shoulders the invisible burden, he goes to college, becomes World Famous Author bill denbrough, and forgets all about Derry and his Family

until mike hanlon calls him late one night

it’s nearing 3am and he’s awake, because bill really doesn’t sleep much

and the caller ID has a number with a maine area code

he answers hesitantly, mind almost numbingly blank, and gets shot back into the past by the sound of mike’s voice

he books the next flight home and spends the journey bouncing his knee anxiously

he gets into town at like noon the next day and immediately goes to the derry public library

mike hanlon grew up handsome, as if there was any worry of that

his shoulders are broad and strong and he shakes bill’s hand with confidence and god, bill feels it all rushing back

the warmth of loving mike flows through his veins and god, how did he forget? how did he let this memory slip past his finger tips

the fear is almost an afterthought, the reason they’re there and Together at the back of bill’s mind, forgotten

he goes back to mike’s house and sleeps in his guest room and bill hasn’t felt so At Home since he stopped going to hanlon family dinners

there’s a piece missing though

cause the dinner table isn’t the same when eddie’s not chattering away 

conversation is stilted, not because mike and bill can’t get along by themselves, but because they’re constantly pausing

as if they know instinctively eddie would want to butt in and say his piece

it’s not until the next day, late into a lazy afternoon 

(mike had gone to work for a few hours in the morning and returned to explain the Full Story of Its return with bill)

eddie comes home

he somehow knows where mike lives, marching right up the porch steps and something in bill’s chest pulls him to the door, answering it before eddie can even knock

eddie kaspbrak grew up good. his hair is fluffy and he has a pair of thin-framed wire glasses on his face and he’s wearing a really warm looking sweater

bill scoops him into a hug and breathes in deep, familiar and grounding

they share a bottle of wine in celebration that night, gathered around the kitchen table at mike’s house

they’re loose, flushed and giggly, and bill looks at his boys with wonder on his face

“how’s your dad?” eddie asks, almost as if the thought has just occurred to him

bill remembers then, remembers cooking with jess hanlon, remembers the bond with mike’s family he once had

mike swallows, looking just a little too old and weary, and tells them of both parent’s tragic deaths

will passed away from cancer a few winters back and jess hanlon followed him peacefully the following spring

it really really fucking hurts to hear

it’s like bill’s been given a gift and then had it ripped from his grip

he reaches out, across the table, and grabs mike’s hand

eddie has the other, fingers interlocked, and they’re a chain of grieving

they spend that night in remembrance of their family and all they shared

as time goes on, the losers arrive one by one

bev then ben then richie (no stan, and that fucking burns too)

they spend a day lost in memories again, relearning a forgotten childhood

and bill tries not to want it

he tries not to want to gather eddie and mike up and flee this cursed town

he tries not to want to finally let himself indulge in a fantasy where he gets both of his boys all for his own

he tries not to picture himself happy

because it’s all going to be torn apart soon

he puts his head down and tries to get some fucking Work done and doesn’t get distracted by eddie’s familiar lilting laugh and mike’s fucking stupid white smile

(it’s not going well)

they go on their Walking Tours and god, it’s only worse

cause mike fucking gives bill the gift of Silver, of memory of childish carefree fun

bill and mike spend the afternoon riding his bike like fucking children

and then eddie comes home from his own Tour with scraped knees and a dirty face and bill plummets back to earth

he remembers why they’re here

he throws himself back into it with fervour

he tries to remember their secrets, their hidden weapons, the reasons they survived the first time

he tries to make a plan, a foolproof plan to beat It

letting himself get lost in mike and eddie is really not a part of the plan

unfortunately (fortunately) for bill, eddie kaspbrak has never once done anything according to bill’s plan

he sneaks into bill’s room late one night, when they’re so close to the end that bill can taste it

there’s a thrumming in the air that bill knows means their time is almost up

(bill doesn’t know that Henry Bowers is currently making his way to the hanlon house, fully intent on killing them all)

he slides the door open almost silently, feet tracking over the hardwood floors, and bill sits up in bed as he enters

“eds?” he says, voice scratchy, and feels eddie sit down on the edge of his bed

“it’s me” he answers, but bill knew that from his soft breath and steady heartbeat

“w-what’s up?”

“oh, nothing. just wondering if we’re gonna die tomorrow.”

bill doesn’t answer. it’s answer enough. eddie sighs and takes a deep breath in, almost like he’s steeling himself

(bill loves his brave boy)

“bill?”

“yeah”

“i love you”

bill wants to brush it off

he wants to go back to forgetting, to letting things fall through his fingers without feeling their loss

but he can’t

“i love you t-too, eds” he says instead

eddie plants a hand on bill’s knee through the blankets and kisses him

just once, light and steady, and then he backs off

and u KNOW that once bill’s tasted the forbidden fruit he can’t forget

he dives back in head first

“what about mike” he can’t help but breathe against eddie’s mouth

“i’m sorry,” eddie says, and moves back

bill chases him, leaning in and trying to capture his mouth again, but eddie’s gone

“what?” bill asks, confused

“i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have,” eddie’s making excuses, running a hand through his hair and bill reaches up to flatten it down “i just thought maybe…. i just figured you had maybe felt what i did but i understand if you’re just interested in mike i shouldnt have assumed and i love mike too it’s okay you two deserve each other i shouldn’t have come in here”

“whoa whoa whoa,” bill says, putting his hands up because eddie is rambling and he isn’t making any sense “eds, i love you,”

“yeah, but–”

“but what?”

“but you love mike” 

bill chuckles

“can’t i love both my boys?” he says

and eddie fucking crashes into him

anyway, i dont feel like getting into logistics bc i have already written too many words of ot3 makeouts and there’s only so many times u can write three-way kissing b4 u wanna die

but they end up in mike’s bed, pressed together on the king size mattress

and that’s when fucking henry bowers makes his debut

but! 

mike’s not alone this time

he’s flanked by bill and eddie and they have something worth fucking fighting for now

they’re been recharged by every moment they’ve been together and they’re fucking unstoppable

mike takes a knife to the thigh and bowers gets off a solid right hook to eddie’s jaw but otherwise they’re virtually unharmed

it has Begun though

they make their way down to the sewer, just like they’re meant to

except man, bill’s powerful this time

(there’s no Audra, nothing to distract him, and his boys are walking strong beside him)

eddie supports mike, the other man’s arm thrown over his shoulder, as they track through the sewers

and while Bill and Richie go into the deadlights, mike is there to help eddie take down the spider

and eddie kaspbrak does not lose his fucking arm

because right as he’s thrusting his inhaler into Its mouth, mike’s arm catches him round the waist and pulls him back

eddie loses the tips of his fingers but it could have been a LOT fucking worse

eddie and mike call bill back from the Deadlights together, whispering “come home bill” into the Void

“you’re too old,” It tries to taunt, tries to distract from the power of eddie and mike calling him back “too old and broken and you’re all going to die here” 

bill hears mike and eddie’s whisper in his head

and turns to richie, eyes flashing wickedly in the dark vaccuum of the void

and he smiles

because nothing can stop bill from getting back to his boys

send me requests/headcanons/prompts!