#i can’t remember where the jam came from ngl

[housecow]

i have this smoked tomato truffle jam i haven’t opened yet.. what do y’all think that’d go well with?

[not-ready-for-sheeh]

Heyyy how would the matsus react to quarentine?

Osomatsu:

• Slowly but surely losing his sanity

• At first he was like FUCK YEA NOW I DON’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING

• But soon enough it became too boring for even him to handle

• Tries to pick up exercising but i bet y’all know how it will end

• Makes SO MANY PLAYLISTS and names them through his moodswings like ’what i felt when i came into that sock for the last time’ i’m sorry

• Honestly jerks off like crazy so at least his other arm is getting ripped? Will surpass fappymatsu in a week

• Pranks

• Will get roasted and served for dinner by Ichi when he goes too far

• ”I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME YOU EMO BITCH-”

• ”You thought wrong.”

Karamatsu:

• He’s dealing with it better than expected honestly

• Spends a shit ton of time on the roof jamming with he, himself and his trusted guitar

• Or trying new stuff he didn’t before

• Basically the only sane one in the family during this

• Burns the kitchen down couple of times tho since he just ’simply must’ try new recipes

• Poisons Jyushimatsu by accident

• His fashion went from leather jackets and sunglasses to sweatpants and a dirty hoodie

• ”Have anyo- holy shit Karamatsu is that you?”

• ”Yes it is i, still walking like the baddest bitch in the planet” *grabs a cheeto from inside his hoodie*

Choromatsu:

• Stressed would be offensively belittling his feelings rn

• Dyes his hair again

• After getting destroyed yet again because of it he is T H I S close of getting a piercing

• But luckily our knight in shining armor Karamatsu is here and gently punches some sense into him

• Watches all the harry potters multiple times and sorts everyone into their hogwarts houses

• Tries to make everyone be healthy and stay in a somekind of good sleep schedule

• Fails miserably

• Focuses on reading more now that he has time and also streaming his favorite idols not so secretly

• ”That’s 50th time you’re watching that video don’t you think it’s becoming a problem?”

• ”I’ll offer you to black market if you interrupt my job again Todomatsu-”

Ichimatsu:

• Ngl he’s kinda enjoying this

• Doesn’t have to be social? Perfect. Doesn’t have to go out? Even more perfect.

• Makes his catfriends come to the backyard so he can still play with them and feed them

• Still...this doesn’t help with his fear of people. It will definitely get worse

• Will start sleeping when the others wake up

• Or sleeps the 24h straight there’s no between

• ”Yo Ichi are you sleeping?”

• ”No i’m practicing for my funeral-”

Jyushimatsu:

• Absolutely, without no doubt, losing his shit

• Y’all remember the episode where he was wrapped into a clothing ball and socked Ichimatsu in the face?

• Yea just like that

• Impulsively buys every fitness thingy thing there is online

• And uses them once and never again

• Usually spends his time trying to think of something productive to do like sit ups or sum-

• This man just can’t handle it if he can’t let out his extra energy somewhere

• Robbed a bank to get the money

• *charges yet again* ”OSOMATSUUUUUU-”

• ”WHY ALWAYS ME-” *screams*

Todomatsu:

• Is not enjoying

• Doesn’t want to spend time with his brothers more than it’s necessary and now he can’t even leave the house? He is suffering

• So basically he has dips on getting the groceries to even have A LITTLE BIT of time away from them

• Will start a fight if someone else tries to take the little freedom he has away

• Becomes a plant dad and you cannot convince me otherwise

• Mostly keeps to himself, trying not to get involved into the craziness

• Takes shit ton of selfies and aesthetic pictures and tries to make internet friends

• Because even though he would never admit it, he’s getting kinda lonely

• ”Whatchu doing Totty~?”

• ”Planning how to get rid of all of you with my plants.”

[blueberry-bastard-boy]

Nemesis

So I was thinking about the decepticons ship from TFP named Nemesis and why it was named that. Well because there the bad guys and there ship needs a name to reflect that, no duh but this got me thinking about a post I saw a while back about the episode that had to do with when the Nemesis was given dark energon to run off of and the post said that this was a reference to other series where Nemesis was alive and a actual cybertronian and it got me thinking what if instead this was a given name and not Nemesises birth name.

Like what if the ship could hear everything going on and was just a huge ease dropper for example Starscream wouldn’t be able to talk about his plans out loud in fear of the ship hearing him and tattling to Megatron, the Vehicons couldn’t share storys that could be used against them as blackmail because the ship would catch on immediately, Soundwave couldn’t get anything done withought remembering he is being watched over, Knockout started to complain less because his overdramatic statements would be shared around the crew embarrassing him and making every appointment  awkward because the other in the room wont stop snickering and they wont tell him why, Dreadwing and Skyquake can’t go down a single hallway withought being bombarded with the latest drama courtesy of the ship, Breakdown can’t go 2 clicks in any direction before the ship starts to tell him that his bench record has been broken weather true or not, and Shcokwave just doesn’t like having someone looming over his shoulder when he is working.

Nemesis also probably has control of any speaker system on board so if he got some rumors or blackmail to spread he has ways. They also probably got tired of Nemesis jamming out and blasting his music over the intercom ngl.

Overtime this ship became an annoyance and the nickname Nemesis came around because it fit, no one liked having a sentient ship who doesn’t understand personal space, boundaries, or even a social decency, and after that it just kinda stuck.

[stayndays]

𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐑 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟏 : Leaving Isn’t an Option

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆! This chapter includes: 

(Pretty Heavy) Gore (ngl i went pretty hard with the descriptions)

Blood

Murder

A Knife

A Corpse

Foul Language

𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 : “You came here to assist your boss at a party he’s invited to, not to solve a murder with a group of strangers you’ve just met. Yet here you are, staring at the dead mansion owner who hosted the party in the first place, surrounded by nine men with high statuses in society: and one of them is a murderer. The question is who? And can you solve the mystery without being killed yourself?”

Visit the masterlist first before proceeding. It has all the info you need to read this series.

You let out a pierced scream at the sight below your feet.

The mansion owner, and host of this glamorous party, is on the floor. Arms spread. Eyes closed.

A slit on his throat and his stomach oozing out blood.

His pale skinned body on the floor of the living room is a sight to behold.

The necktie that was once tightly wrapped around his neck now lingers along his chest, showing off the large cut across the entirety of his neck. Hair disheveled and clothes tossed around, you couldn’t bear to imagine what his last thoughts were as he was practically sliced and diced. You cringed as his stained shirt revealed the huge slices through his skin, trickling blood onto the floor by the second. Then you realize the knife, looking tremendously similar to your kitchen knife, that performed the action was still impaled into the body, making you squirm and gasp with a shiver.

There’s no way this was just an accident.

Your ears detect clacking against the sleek wooden planks, and the fabrics of ball gowns flowing across the floor. They, like you, also shriek in horror. A few men curse in surprise. A handful shout, frightened. Your vision grows cloudy and you almost feel like you’re about to faint, until a figure calmly approaches the party host.

One of the party guests, who happens to be one of the few you conversed with thoroughly at the party despite your status and goes by the name of Felix, slowly walks over to the body as if he has a limp. He kneels down on the opposite side of the wounded stomach, legs trembling slightly, and gently presses his thumb onto the vain of the body’s wrist.

Felix waits for a few seconds before turning towards the crowd. He scans the faces of the guests: some sobbing, some showing no remorse at all. Felix clears his throat before saying two words.

“No pulse.”

The mansion owner is dead.

The man to the right of you, who you remember goes by the name of Jeongin, starts quivering out of control, jaw shivering as if he were freezing. You turn towards him and share a sympathetic look, rubbing his back up and down with your hand. You notice the tears in his eyes before perking up at a sudden scream in the crowd.

You look behind you and see a woman in a rose gold attire, tears quickly running down her cheeks and ruining her glamorous makeup. 

“This- This isn’t good. This can’t- I can’t, no.. No!” Panic overtakes her voice, her jaw shaking in denial and utter fear. She scurries to bunch up her dress in her hands and bolts out the front door, as an older gentleman, undoubtedly her plus one to the lavish event, rushes to follow her.

Then you see more heads running past you, like a flock of sheep being chased by the shepherd’s loyal companion. The living room going from mumbled panic to incoherent shouting, echoing throughout the entirety of the mansion. Bodies slamming against your shoulders as you stare in disbelief at the evening light, leaving a path of orange and red colors down the floor. You recognize the hairdos of a group of actresses, who seemed to have sobered up from all the champagne and wine they drank this evening. The clean cut appearances of high class businessmen, with a fortune more than you could ever even possibly dream of, who you saw attempting to strike up a deal with the mansion owner. One of them, you realize, happens to be your boss, almost pathetically dashes through the front door. 

It’s mayhem in the mansion, as the celebrities you admire and the CEOs you fear suddenly become cowards when faced with the horror of death, going into flight mode instead of fight.

You decide to fly as well.

Your legs finally decide to function once again, after getting over their paralyzed state when your eyes drifted towards the corpse on the maroon carpet. You turn back for a split second, not to see the body but to gather information on who’s left in the mansion, and turn back around. Seven- or was it eight? Men, some looking like this isn’t the first dead body they’ve seen, and the rest are still either in a state of shock or grief.

You could see the light. The evening glow of the sunset, painting yellows and oranges and faint red and purple into the sky, as the wispy clouds gracefully float across. The door is about to close at any second, you notice that you’re the last one that will exit the building. Extending a hand out to ensure your escape, you were ready to finally breathe in some fresh air, and not one of overpriced perfume and cologne. 

That is, until a gentle, yet firm grip on your wrist stops you from progressing any further, preventing you from achieving freedom.

“Please don’t go.”

You whip your head around, startled at the sudden physical contact. You meet eyes with Bang Chan, who you conversed with once or twice before you discovered the body now etched permanently into your mind. “Please, you could help. Since you were the one who first saw the body, you could tell me what fully occurred. You don’t even have to stay the entire time! I’ll let you leave if you’d like.” 

His hushed, reassuring voice makes you feel like you’re being serenaded by a siren. You swear your eyes turn cloudy as you stare at him. Suddenly, leaving the mansion didn’t seem like your top priority at the moment. Suddenly, you could only faintly hear the front door closing behind you and Chan’s arm brushing against yours.

And then you realized. Oh, Chan is an attorney. Of course he wants you to stay.

“Just hear me out for a second,” Chan persuades you with a hint of desperation in his voice. You could only nod timidly, mouth slightly open, as he places his hand on your back and guides you back to the living room.

“What a bunch of cowards! Big names who can’t handle events like these, who don’t want to get involved for the sake of their status.” The voice comes from the man with a slick, black velvet coat around his shoulders, slumped forward on the leather chair, his feet pointing towards the corpse. His loud volume that pounds against your eardrums is enough to snap you out of your daze. You don’t recall speaking to the man at the party, but you remember your boss calling him Changbin.

Were you foolish for staying? Should you have gone with the others out the front door? But if you leave now, you would surely get a shout from that guy.

“I’d say we just leave the body and the mystery to the professionals themselves, actually,” A young man speaks up. You recall talking to him a couple of times during the event, introducing himself as Seungmin before you got pulled away once again by your demanding boss.

“Then why are you here?” Changbin fires back at the boy, who’s voice starts to stuttering at the sudden question.

“Uh- Listen- I’m-”

Chan is the one who speaks up, crossing his arms over his chest. “Although I’d love for you all to have a choice on whether you can stay or not, I unfortunately have to keep you all here-” 

Hyunjin, who you recall as the one with long, blond hair and a poor way of handling alcohol, suddenly jumps up from the leather couch he was slouching on. “Are you out of your mind?! I wasn’t able to leave in time because I was confused on what was happening, and now you want all of us to stay in this mansion with a dead body?”

Chan’s shoulders slouches at Hyunjin’s reasoning, taking in a deep breath before calmly explaining, “Look, I understand, you would like to get out of here as soon as possible. However, I interrogate criminal suspects at my day job,” Hyunjin visibly gulps when Chan mentions what he does for a living. “and I would appreciate if I could interview each and every one of you. Especially you, Y/N, since you were the first one who found the body.”

Suddenly, at the attention in the room shifts from Chan to you. Feeling intimidated by the sixteen pairs of eyes staring directly at you, you simply choose to just nod.

“You’re sure you’ll let us out though?” Somebody else blurts out in retaliation, and you turn your head to one of the talkative guests of the party, Han Jisung, with his swept back brown hair and suspenders under his coat. “You’re sure, positively sure, that when you closed that front door, you didn’t lock us in here?” Jisung points at the grand, gray door, with black stained glass in the center, raising an eyebrow at Chan. The door has a key lock, along with a handle. You could barely see what’s outside of the house through the glass.

Felix audibly sighs at Jisung’s what-if question, rising from his seat to check the front door. He extends his arm out to reach the door handle. “I’m sure Chan wouldn’t do such a thing-”

He turns the handle. It’s jammed.

The door doesn’t open.

“The fuck-” Felix continues attempting to open the front door. He shakes the doorknob vigorously before slowing down, attempting to open it one last time before letting his hand fall down back to his side.

Chan is stunned, walking over to where Felix is to check himself whether the door was truly unlocked or not. His try also has no success, deepening the furrow on his brows.

“So you did do something, Chan!” The man with the trench coat, Lee Minho, exclaims, both in fury and in astonishment. “Where’s that key to open the door, huh?”

By the time Minho is done with his shouting, the rest of you have gathered at the front of the door, almost surrounding Chan who’s trapped against the front door.

“Listen! I didn’t do anything. I didn’t realize that when the door would close, we’d lock ourselves in here. Does- Can anybody check if the key to the front door is still on the host’s body?” 

Minho lets out a groan of frustration, running his hands through his hair before while strolling on over to the body laying dead in the center of the living room. He kneels down onto the floor, carefully avoiding the bloody part of the carpet, and starts checking the corpse’s clothes.

“Although I operate on patients while they’re unconscious, “ Minho claims, digging through each individual pocket of the mansion owner’s coat. “This- God, why are there so many pockets- is a little bit stranger because he isn’t breathing. At all.” He searches around a little bit more, checking each and every nook and cranny he could find hidden, but has no luck in finding the key.

Shaking his head, he slowly stands back up, cleaning the palm of his hands on the front of his dress jeans and approaches the group once again. “Nothing, absolutely nothing,” Minho casually shrugs nonchalantly

“So we’re really stuck here? We can’t bust down the door or break open a window, nothing?” Jeongin speaks up for the first time since the majority of the party guests left the crime scene, seemingly dry from any remaining tears. “I get it if we don’t want to risk injuring ourselves to break down this door, but a window on the other hand-”

As if on cue, you flinch as the sound of glass shattering pierces your ears, and you see dirt, flower petals, and pieces of a vase fall onto the floor. The dirty, yet still in tact window in the room and Seungmin’s soil covered hand tells you that he tried throwing a flower vase to destroy the window. 

“Shit, okay, that didn’t work. That must be super durable glass, then,” Seungmin concludes, pointing at the undamaged window and throwing his hands up in the air in exaggeration. 

“That means this door must be sturdy as hell, too,” Felix curses at the realization. 

“I’ll just call the emergency hotline to pick us up and get us out of here, then,” Changbin starts walking back to the living room without any further comments. That is, before you stop him from progressing any further.

“Don’t even bother at this point. I tried using the telephone for my boss earlier at the party; it was just static on the other end,” you argue against Changbin’s suggestion. “It’s the 1900s, anyways. Do you really think the emergency responders will pick us up right away?”

Changbin scoffs at your reasoning, “Fine, I’ll give you the win for now, but now what?” 

“It’s no use guys. We’re stuck here,” Minho, who’s also related to the mansion owner, announces to the group, as if it weren’t already obvious enough.

Jeongin shivers at Minho’s words. “T-Then what do we do?”

“Then what..? THEN WHAT?! There’s a possible killer in this mansion, are you kidding me?” Han shouts aggressively at Jeongin, who flinches backwards as Chan holds Han back from gripping Jeongin’s collar.

“If they were smart enough, they would’ve left the place with the others, though!” You try to speak up, believing that the last thing the nine of you need is a conflict between each other.

“But what if they want to kill… more people?” Jeongin stutters quietly, but his words echo throughout the entire house, sending chills down everybody’s spine. Until Han had brought it up, you never thought about one of these men being a traitor in disguise, an impostor, a liar.

Minho finally speaks up, probably after turning the gears in his head for a minute or two. “Then if we don’t eliminate the killer in time, we’ll all get murdered in the end, and they’ll get away with it. Suspect interrogations take a long time to do, right? So Chan won’t have enough time to interview everybody before the murderer does something. If somebody from the party who escaped happens to call the police, they won’t arrive for hours because the mansion is so far away from the nearest station. That means…”

“We have to solve this murder ourselves,” Felix finishes his sentence with ease, coming out of the shadows.

“You’re crazy,” you can’t help opening your mouth and sputtering those words at Seungmin and Felix. You’re a secretary assistant for the chairman of an extremely successful business, not a professional detective. 

“What? Are you just gonna give up now, or actually try and help us? You’d be a real coward if you forfeit now,” Hyunjin notes harshly, almost offended by your comment.

He had a point though. If you die tonight, at least you’d die trying to do something good. You can’t leave this place anyways, even if you tried your hardest. So that leaves…

JOIN OR ESCAPE?

~

Oh, how wonderful! You made it through the first chapter. Scared yet? The fun’s just getting started. Unfortunately, my red text isn’t working. That’s makes me a little bit sad.

Fun Fact: This is the longest piece of work the author has ever written! 2.5k words, I’ll allow a small round of applause for her.

Chapter 2 is when the real fun can begin, though, as you’ll be approached with your first decision path! Are you ready, players? I hope you are.

Good luck. May the Killer King spare you today.

taglist: @desertofdessert @crscendoforsung @cotccotc @poeticallyspaghetti @skzctnightnight @dreamy-dreamies @nizhonimoon @hanniiesuckle17 @binniesbabybear @tsuki-moon @lbxgsunshine @csbverse @mangoisawesome @yunhoesss @wherevermyway @golden--rain @bubblyjisunq @kimpchi @loey-letters @pokyloky @worldtriiiip @avrea-tt

[pinkchanelbag-moved]

pride

mob!bucky barnes x reader

you were the ultimate prize, the one no one could get. except bucky. but now that he finally has you, it feels like you’re sleeping next to a stranger each night. 

words: ~3.9k 

warnings: very very quick mention of smut, just sad vibes in general

a/n: i really like dis one ngl lol but i still need to edit :* . been jamming to this song for day but i had to slow it and stuff for copyright, but its still a viiibeee so enjoyyy 

---

the whole way home, he’s calling you, and the entire time, you’re not picking up. after the fourth or fifth time, when he begins to get fed up, the calls start going straight to voicemail. you’ve shut your phone off.

he sighs and rolls his head back on the velvet covered car seat, rubbing at his neck. he’s tired. his father’s banquet was boring, per usual, and not even on par with the standards of ones he’s seen before. and he fought with you just minutes before the two of you were supposed to leave, forcing him to show up alone. that caught some attention, and if there is anything bucky doesn’t like, it’s attention...

he sat with his friends and his cousins and his friend’s cousins, checking out the new meat arriving into the extravagant garden party in his great aunt’s backyard. there were upwards of fifteen cars parked starting from the driveway until down the street as people poured in, one after the other, some familiar, some old, some young, some with long debt sheets and others large body counts, and bucky and his pals cracked up at scrutinizing the guests. a plump waitress came by and refilled his cup of wine, and he turned to thank her. his best friend and the son of his father’s business partner nudged him on the arm.

“that’s the broad i was talkin’ about from before,” steve said, nodding his head at the backdoor of the house where a new group of girls trickled in. girls in pastel heels and sundresses with sensible handbags. but bucky’s eyes only fell on one girl.

“damn,” he said, leaning back in his chair and noticing that his breath pulled at his lungs a tad harder. “yeah, she really is--”

“you’re lookin’ at the wrong girl, moron,” sam said from bucky’s left. steve pointed not-so-discreetly to the girl right next to the girl bucky had been looking at.

“the brunette,” steve said. “name’s margaret. i know she’s been looking at me, i can tell.”

“who’s that next to her?” bucky asked, his eyes still tracing every part of you. eyes, mouth, hands, hair, legs. his gaze touched each part of you, mesmerized.

“oh...that’s y/n.” steve turned to look at his friend and smiled, sharing a look with sam and shaking his head, the two men laughing. bucky turned to look between them both.

“what?” he asked.

“man, are you that oblivious or just that dumb?” sam shoved his shoulder. “remember that girl reid’s been tryna get with for, what is it--” he looked at steve to confirm, “four months? that’s her. girl’s closed up like an oyster.”

“she’s stuck up?” bucky asked.

“nah, nothing like that,” steve said. “just not interested.”

“maybe she just doesn’t like mafia boys?” sam suggested in her defence.

bucky looked at you as you greeted the hosts, your mouth dancing into a dazzling smile.

“i want her,” he said. steve chuckled.

“figured,” he said.

before he left for the banquet, the two of you were laid up in his king size together as you traced his scratchy jawline.

“i wanna stay here forever,” you said. bucky didn’t reply, just closed his eyes and ran a hand up and down your back slowly. you laid half on top of him, chest to chest, looking up at him with wonder in your eyes. it was something he’d never voice out loud, but every time you stared at him with that kind of love in your eyes, a smug part of him remembered when you’d roll those eyes and walk away as he tried to ask you to a date or the way you’d deadpan when he expressed how much he liked you. it was a long chase. one he’d never put himself through before, and now, he had you. “hey buck...” you began. he opened his eyes and glanced them down at you in acknowledgment.

“do you ever get tired of having to come all the way across town to pick me up?”

“not really,” bucky adjusted his position to put his arm behind his head. “it’s not like i have to drive myself.”

“but, well...i mean, it gets a little irritating to have to pack just a couple of things to come stay at your place for a few days. like, i don’t have all my makeup and clothes and things.”

bucky checked the time on his watch to see how soon the banquet was.

“you still always look good,” he offered.

“you’re missing the point by miles, buck,” you breathed a laugh that he felt from your chest to his. “do you ever think about...about if i lived here? permanently?”  bucky’s eyes trailed up to the ceiling.

“what’s wrong with your apartment?” he asked.

“nothing, buck,” you tilted your head to look up at him, trying to gauge his reaction. “just that we’ve been together for seven months. i thought it would be a good step forward. but if you don’t want to, then it’s fine.” you used the hand you hand on his chest to gently push yourself off of him. the hand he had on your waist fell to the bed as you walked off toward your mini suitcase, shuffling through a makeup bag. bucky knew you well enough to know you were just staying distracted, indifferent rather than actually looking for makeup.

“well, i mean, sure, we can step forward and all that, but i don’t see how moving in does that. you’re here most of the time anyway.”

“if i’m here most of the time, it makes sense for me to live here. and i don’t like spending most of my time in a place that doesn’t really feel like my own,” you were mumbling now, looking through the pack of clothes you had brought.

“but it’s not like i feel like your apartment is mine. i’m not taking anything from you, and isn’t it good for us both to have places that can be just for us? why share a place?”

“because that’s what couples do, bucky. just forget i said anything.”

bucky sat up in the bed.

“what, you’re mad now?” he asked, hands resting on the headboard.

“i’m not mad,” you said, not even looking up at him.

“obviously, you are. you’re not looking at me.”

“i’m not mad, buck, because i’m not surprised. i don’t know when it became a part of my routine to have you act like i’m your on-call girlfriend that you don’t actually want to be serious about, but i’m used to it, so how can i be mad?”

“that’s a-level bullshit and you know it,” he replied, the anger already rising in his voice. “you think because i like having my own space that i don’t take you seriously?”

“no, that’s not it. if it was just that, you know i’d never ask you for anything. but bucky...we have not had a change in months. i feel like we’re in the same place we were in a month in dating.”

“isn’t that supposed to be a good thing? the beginning is always the best part before the passion dies and stuff.”

finally, you turned to look at him, something confused and yes, a little hurt, in your eyes.

“i don’t think that. relationships are’t supposed to stay the same, buck, they’re not static. and they’re definitely not supposed to get worse. do you think we’ve lost...what, passion?” you asked.

“no, i don’t,” bucky shrugged, being truthful, but still trying to be nonchalant. “but i don’t think moving in is gonna help us feel a spark or some shit. it’s gonna be, like, a new responsibility that might cause issues.”

“so you’re saying you don’t want to move forward because you don’t wanna deal with the responsibilities?” you asked with raised eyebrows.

“yes,” bucky gestured a hand out. “it complicates things. i’m not trying to be all domestic right now, not at all, actually. we should keep it simple.” he rested his back on the headboard again, thinking you had finally gotten it. instead the last of expression drained from your face and your eyes looked at the carpet. bucky checked his watch again before pushing himself off the bed and stepping in the direction of the walk in closet to find something appropriate to wear.

“you got clothes for tonight, or do you want jordan to drive you home to get ready?” he asked, stretching his back.

“i’m not going,” you murmured, eyes staring dully at your suitcase.

now, as he pulls up to the apartment complex, fixing his cufflinks and running a hand through his hair, he prepares to finish the fight that he suspects he shouldn’t have left prematurely. but there’s no time to ponder over it anymore. he wonders what he has in store, and he wishes desperately you hadn’t brought up moving in. things with you are always good. bucky does love you, and he’s sure you know. it’s just that you’re so restless, always wanting more, and he can’t understand what you think is so wrong about how things are now.

“thanks, jordan,” he tells the driver before leaving the car.

“have a good night mr. barnes,” he replies. bucky makes his way into the lobby and then into the elevator with his hands in pockets. he uses his key card and passcode, then punches in the floor number to his penthouse. the elevator whirs for a a minute until it arrives to his home, opening up to his living room, and there you are. sitting on an arm chair, hands clasped together, lips touching knuckles, your elbows propped on your knees as you stare at the floor, your suitcase beside you.

“y/n...?”

your breathy moans made something devious swell in his chest as he pushed himself further into you. “bucky,” you breathed, gripping the bedsheets. his long, slow, and impossibly deep strokes pushed you nearly to tears, and he knew this. moments like these, or similarly as he sat back on the headboard and watched you bob up and down slowly, head thrown back to watch the ceiling and small hands holding onto his shoulders, his own hand coming to wrap around your prettily exposed throat, that he felt, i have her. the ego boost of a lifetime, if he was being honest. that he had you like this when no one else could, that he was the one that got to watch your breaths streaming in and out as you slept next to him with your hair in your face and your cool and reserved exterior melted away, or that he was the one that watched your figure clad in nothing but a thin sheet as you picked up the room service and sat out on the balcony, legs draped into a comfortable cross as you fed yourself fruit. he stood behind you with an arm wrapped around your waist at the gatherings and dinners, he was with you when no one else believed he could get you. not even you.

“they missed you at the banquet,” bucky begins. you don’t move a muscle. usually, you’re the more vocal one. “i missed you.” 

“stop,” you finally say in a quiet voice. bucky pulls his hands out of his pockets, but now not knowing what to do with them, runs them through his hair.

“stop what?” he asks.

“stop trying to be nice.” he furrows his eyebrows.

“you don’t want me to be nice to you?”

“i don’t want you to be be nice to me when you feel like have to because i’m upset about something. i shouldn’t have to be mad or sad for you to act nice,” you say. your voice is somehow both determined and dejected, something bucky’s not used to.

“come on, doll. you’re making it out like i abuse you or something,” he says. “that’s just how i am. everyone knows that. i mean, if i don’t act nice, it’s not because i’m trying not to be. especially with you. you oughta know that.” he takes a few small steps towards you.

“i don’t.” for the first time, you look up at him. your eyes are bloodshot and your face has taken on a reddish hue, surely from crying. bucky is taken aback. recalling what happened before he left, he didn’t think it would get you this worked up.

“you aren’t going?” he asked at the time. “why?” he folded his arms and stared at you through the wall mirror, but you continued to look at your suitcase.

“i’m not up for it.”

“y/n, i promise we’ll talk more about this when we get back, whenever you want, but let’s just put it away for now and go to this thing.”

“and the next time we talk about this...” you asked him, “will you have anything new to say?” your heart pounded in anticipation of his answer, and you knew his obliviousness would lead him to the wrong one.

you snuck a look at him through the mirror as he shrugged and looked to the side, his face blank, per usual.

“well, you know how i feel.”

you nodded slowly, letting out the breath you’d been holding. that does it, then.

“just go without me, bucky.”

and he did.

“what?” bucky laughed. “four kids? why four?”

you giggled and sipped at your smoothie for a long moment before coming up with an answer.

“i just like kids,” you smiled brightly, and it made bucky smile too, because he so often saw you happy in a way that wasn’t controlled, like you were with your families’ associates and the like. it was nice to see you happy with your guard really down. he realized you were vulnerable around him enough for that. the thought made his smile spread. “and i wanna be the kind of mother that...always has stuff going on at the house, you know? i figure that’s easier with more kids. it’ll be stress, but nothing i can’t handle,” you shrugged.

bucky nodded.

“i get that. my dad was like a superhero to me, but i still just never saw him or got to know him as much as i wanted, considering i adored him,” he looked down at his finished burger plate as he said this, ears turning a little pink. he glanced behind him dumbly, since the shop was already empty. it was closing time, but bucky knew the busboy, and the two of you were permitted to stay late.

you bent your head close to the table to try and meet bucky’s eyes. there was an adorable pout on your lips.

“so you wanna be a good dad? take ‘em to sports games, that kinda thing?” you asked in a baby voice, but bucky didn’t feel a hint of mockery in your voice, so he laughed and shrugged.

“yeah, i guess. it’s a nice idea, at least. i don’t know if i could ever really get there.”

you watched him for a moment as he finished off his milkshake before reaching over and placing your hand on top of his.

“i think you can get there,” you said. bucky looked at your hands, then up into your eyes, smiling and biting his lip. it was a nice thought. he wasn’t sure he was the right guy for it, but it was a nice thought in general.

“y/n, do you actually think that i only think of you as...what, a booty call? is that what you think?” bucky asks, and of course there’s that hint of incredulousness in his voice. “we’ve been together for months. we take trips. we meet people together. we...we’re us. what’s wrong with us that you hate so much?”

“that it’s not us, bucky! how can you say that? we can’t be some united front if we’re not even a team at home. i feel like i don’t know you.” you’re standing now, one hand on the handle of your suitcase. “i feel like i don’t know the truth, between the things, the lies that you told me to get me to want you and the person i see now. that’s just the issue. we’ve been together eight months and i feel like i’m sleeping next to a stranger.”

“what’s the issue, doll?” bucky asked, licking his lips in the pleasure of the banter.

“i’m not pursuing anyone at the moment,” you said as politely as possible with a testy eyebrow raised.

“well, that just makes my job easier, don’t it?” he grinned at you. you chuckled and turned back around to serve yourself some of the delicacies. bucky shot a glance to steve and sam, who were snickered a laughed. sam shot him a sarcastic thumbs up. bucky sucked his teeth and turned back around, gently grabbing your elbow.

“okay, okay, for real. can we just--” bucky pointed at the gap in the backyard fence that led to an alleyway between the big houses. you looked between him and the alley, pursed your lips, and put your plate down to follow him.

he tried a new approach. rather than flat-out asking you on a date, he did a thing girls went crazy over: just asked you a little about yourself, feigned interest (it’s not that he was faking exactly; he listened intently, but he really just wanted a date), and he told you a little about himself, his family. being this close to you for so long with no others around, he could admire how pretty you were. he didn’t care about reid or what other goon had tried for you. he knew he could do it.

when you reached the end of the alley, and you expected to go back, bucky leaned against a chainlink fence and continued the conversation, so you leaned on it next to him, not minding the company. the sun was setting behind a tall house so that the blinding orange rays didn’t light up the spot where the two of you stood, but the soft flare of tangerine enveloped you still. bucky watched your lips as you talked about your father’s work. you looked heavenly. he asked again to take you out before he had really comprehended his sentence. he caught himself and tried to play it off, because hardly anyone could make him slip up and talk before thinking.

“it’s just a burger. what, you don’t like burgers?” he smiled, all teeth, and was sure he was melting some of your tough exterior.

“you had to beg me,” you whisper, but somehow, it’s haunting enough to sound like a shout. “you had to have me, even when i didn’t want you. and when you finally managed to get me to come around...when you made me fall for you, you let yourself lose me.”

“no,” he began, shaking his head, trying to resolve it, resolve this.

“yes,” you continued as he attempted an interjection. “yes, buck, because that’s what’s happening. you’re losing me, bucky, do you understand that?”

“why is your bag packed?” he asks with exhaustion and something else, something cold and detached, etched into his face.

“i’m staying with my brother on the east side.”

“the east side?” bucky repeats incredulously. “no.”

“what are you gonna do, buck? are you gonna call up gino and frankie and make them hold me in the apartment? are you gonna stop me?” your eyes are wide and so, so angry that it manages to put a dent in bucky’s withdrawn attitude. the way they bore into him makes him unable to look directly at you for a moment. “just tell me now, if you plan on forcing me to stay, so i can see what kind of man you are. so i can really see the end of it. is there more, buck?”

“i won’t make you stay if you don’t want to, but...” he begins.

“then move,” you say with such enunciation in each word that it sends shivers down bucky’s spine. “let me by.”

“it’s not gonna happen, james barnes,” you told him. you turned to walk back down the alley and back to the party. the sun had set and the sky was a gentle pink and blue that somehow accented your shrinking figure.

“it’s bucky!” he yelled back at you. he heard your chuckle despite the distance, and he knew he had to have you.

“yn, come on. i...” he pauses to consider that the next words to come off his tongue feel a little foreign, “i’m sorry.”

you turn back to look at him again. “you’re always sorry. even when you don’t know you are because your goddamn ego is in the way. i know you, bucky. you’re always sorry. you just only feel it enough when you’ve pushed me to my breaking point, and i can’t sit around and wait for you to wither me away into nothing before you can learn to treat me how i deserve. because you know i deserve better, but you wanted me to be with you anyway. you had to have me.”

you turned back at the opening in the fence to analyze him one more time.

“when am i gonna see you again?” he called out. from the distance, he saw you tip your head up to the dark pastel sky to contemplate.

“mmm...” you looked back at him, a soft expression on your face, “your dreams, maybe?”

“i’m not gonna let you mess my head up anymore. i need to look after myself,” you say in a quiet voice. “i’m tired of your pride coming between me and you. it’s too hard.” you side-stepp bucky, and he lets you. each word hits him in the lungs until he doesn’t have quite enough breath to reply. to rebuttal. to tell you you’re wrong, things aren’t this way. but he can’t do that because he’d be lying. he can’t even dare to think about objecting to what you’re saying, or he worries he might him an all-time low.

you step to elevator, your suitcase in hand, and call for the elevator.

“do you have a ride?” bucky asks, looking at the marble floor. he then decides against it, decides to watch you since he doesn’t know when he’ll see you again. and the next time he sees you, you’ll no longer be his.

“uber,” you say, staring at the wall of the head like you’re trying to burn a hole in it. you turn the same gaze to him, and sticks his nails into his palm. “i wanted this to work because i love you. but i can’t change you, bucky, as much as i want to.”

bucky brought a fist to his chest.

“you’re killing me, doll,” he called to you. he heard your enchanted giggle.

“goodbye...bucky,” you said. his name sounds like a church choir on your lips. he wanted to hear it a million more times.

the elevator arrives, and you turn away again. take a deep breath, because you can’t believe you’re doing this, but also not believing it took you so long. “goodbye, bucky,” you say with resignation. you stepp in, and only half turn around, briefly making eye contact with the man you love.

you looked at him one more time before stepping through the gap in the fence.

the elevator comes to a silent close, breaking the link of eye contact between you and bucky, whose eyes are glossed over.

and just like that,

you were gone.

[woodchoc-magnum]

911:Lone Star 2x08 Hate Watch

Here we go, though I heard mixed reports that this episode was better than the OG's 4x08? So we'll see.

Diaz for strength:

And the hate is under the cut:

Things are almost instantly off to a bad start with TK as the very first person we see

Oh god SERIOUSLY WE'RE DOING THIS SOBER ANNIVERSARY FIRST FUCKING THING?

Like don't even ease us into it

We're just going right into the schmaltz INSTANTLY

"My parents got back together" oh TK you are in for a RUDE SHOCK MY MAN

No masks at this party

No social distancing

Pandemic, what pandemic?

Oh shit SHE'S MOVING OUT ALREADY

"We were right not to tell him" YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TELL HIM AT SOME POINT YOU ASSHOLES

Just when I think Rob Lowe can't be more of an asshole, there he goes, out-assholing himself

Oh do you guys call cash registers "tills" in America? I thought that was a British/Australian thing

Please let him blow up

Please let him blow up

Oh wait does Carlos have more than 30 seconds in this episode? WHAT'S GOING ON?

Damn he didn't blow up

Uh oh TK's come home to Lisa Edelstein moving out

RELAPSE?

Wait was she just gonna fucking LEAVE? WITHOUT TELLING HIM?

Oh TK you dumb fuck

God he can't act, he is such a bad actor

Everything is in a fucking monotone

It's a complicated question? Bitch you're pregnant with someone else's baby and you're also in love with that someone else

Oh shiiit TK you're so dumb

She came down to Texas, fucked Rob Lowe's brains out, rushed back into everything and now she's pregnant and fucking back off to New York – smooth move

Who is this mysterious Enzo? I would like to meet him

Ronen can't act. I know I keep saying it but he's like a robot.

Wow Carlos has been in SO MANY SCENES WHAT IS HAPPENING

Is his dad a cop? Did I know this?

I can't remember the name of the guy who plays Carlos but here's what I'm going to say – dude is about a million times better at acting than Ronen Rubenstein. There is actual EMOTION IN HIS VOICE AND ON HIS FACE

Is his dad a lawyer? What's the deal here?

I feel like this is a conflict? Should the dad be investigating the son? Oh he's a Texas RANGER

I still feel like it's a conflict, ngl

I'm bored

Dude's dad doesn't believe him and he's gonna be proven wrong isn't he

Wow this dad is almost worse than Owen, he has no faith in Carlos whatsoever

What a dick

Hey maybe you two should've just FUCKING TOLD YOUR SON THAT YOU WEREN'T GETTING BACK TOGETHER AND THAT IT WASN'T OWEN'S BABY, THE DUDE IS IN RECOVERY

And the lack of concern from Rob Lowe about his ONLY SON IS FUCKING STUNNING

Okay so my theory is that Rob Lowe allowed Carlos to have lines in this episode of the show provided that he was the one in the scene with him

Look at Owen actually trying to do the right thing here and not be selfish for once, amazing, we love to see it

What is with everyone in this show having terrible fathers

I'm bored AGAIN

"there should be a heart behind that shield" god give me a fucking break, you're nicer to Carlos than you are to your own son you dick

No masks anywhere at the scene, no masks on anyone at the fire

It's like they remembered about the pandemic for the scene at the bank and then forgot about it again for the rest of the show

Ooh is there going to be an EXPLOSION?

What is with me and things blowing up – look I watch this show with the understanding that bonkers things are going to happen and I'm a simple person who likes when things go boom, what can I say?

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM

Good explosion

Oh now daddy dearest knows that Carlos wasn't lying and he didn't fuck up

I bet he feels like a right fuckhead

I disagree with the assessment that this was better than 4x08 of the OG, at least the OG has people who can act – at the very fucking least

And no Rob Lowe

Oooh Carlos' dad is as cold as fucking ICE

Yeah Carlos you stand up for yourself, you're getting lines in this episode and I'm so happy for you

TK is such a whiny little bitch

His voice just grates on me, god he fucking sucks so much

OOOOH IT'S A TRAP

THEY'VE BEEN ENSNARED IN A SCHEME

That dude don't look so hot

God damn Nancy with the sick burns (her name is Nancy right?)

Oh TK leaving a CLUE what a smart little cookie, someone's been reading his Nancy Drew books hasn't he? (is that reference too old?)

"In American" BITCH

"we're not surgeons, we're paramedics" – he SAYS EVERYTHING IN A MONOTONE, there is no emotion in his voice AT ALL

Oh no Carlos is waiting for his man

Wait is Carlos going to save the day?!

No I bet Owen does, I will not get my hopes up

They're gonna perform surgery in a restaurant? I mean I suppose Hen and Chim could do it but I don't know about this bunch

Oh shit TK just knocked the FUCK OUT

It's about TIME

You know, if he actually relapsed because of these two assholes, they would totally fucking deserve it

Rob Lowe does not seem worried literally AT ALL

His son is missing and he's just like, okay cool

Oh wait he was playing it cool – okay fine, I retract my previous mean statement

I love that TK is just knocked the fuck out while the women do the work

Can I marry Gina Torres or is she already married or… what's the go there? Would she want an Australian wife with two cats?

These two dumb bank robbers really think this dude is going to live?

DO NOT STRANGLE GINA TORRES YOU MOTHER FUCKER

Oh shit the one nearly dead bank robber killed the other one

Carlos is going to find TK's special little clue and HE DID

What a good boyfriend

Good thing Rob Lowe has Carlos here, we can see who the brains are

Carlos is just out here solving mysteries, maybe HE'S the one who's been reading Nancy Drew (does anyone read Nancy Drew anymore?)

Ooh Carlos with the trusting of the gut YOU GO GIRL, go GET YO MAN

Though real talk you could do better

I mean ngl if this was Eddie storming in to rescue Buck I would be ALL OVER THIS, this shit is MY JAM but it's TK and Carlos so who fucking cares

OH SHIT HERE COMES GINA TORRES HERE WE FUCKING GO

OH YES NANCY

YES THE LADIES ARE SAVING THE FUCKING DAY

WAIT

ROB LOWE FIRED THE SHOT???? WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

HE IS A FIRE CAPTAIN

WHERE DID HE GET A GUN FROM?

I think Carlos' dad is flirting with Rob Lowe

Look at him standing up for Carlos

Oh and NOW the dad is being nice, okay

How the turn tables

This Strand family drama is the most boring fucking shit ever, I legit don't care

OH GOD

WHY ARE JUDD AND GRACE DRIVING IN THE RAIN

NO

NO

WHEN DID IT START RAINING LIKE THIS?

SHE WANTS BABIES JUDD

THEY'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY

NOOOOOOOOOOO

FOR FUCKING SERIOUS IS THIS SHOW FUCKING SERIOUS DO NOT BREAK MY HEART

Look obviously they’re going to be all right because they already killed Zombie Tim this season, but still. Not Judd and Grace, the two best characters on the show!

Okay, this episode was marginally better than other episodes but it still sucked, so I’m giving it... 4 out of ten. Honestly, it does lose points because Rob Lowe is the one who shot the dude? Like actually wtf?

BUT it must be in Rob Lowe’s contract that nobody gets to do anything cool in this show but him so it does make sense.

Really not gonna miss Lone Star the next few weeks, see you after the hiatus for more hate watching!

And Eddie Diaz to cleanse our hearts and minds:

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #301

“i was waiting for my chance to find the light”

Did you like the beach a lot more as a kid more than you do now? Why/Why not? I did. Everything was more fun as a kid. I never REALLY loved it, though, because I did and still do hate the heat and walking through sand and getting it stuck all over you. It's pretty much torture now because I have extreme difficulty walking through sand. Has there ever been a time where you just couldn't stop crying? Explain. I know I've had days many years ago when my PTSD was truly awful where I'd sob multiple times a day. What's your least favorite time of day? Why don't you like that time?Late afternoon, like around 3-4 or so. By that point I'm usually bored senseless and going downhill. Do you like your lips? Do you enjoy kissing? They're fine, ig. And I mean yeah, if I'm really into the person? Do you like any music from the American Idols? Which ones? Ngl, I don't even remember any besides Kelly Clarkson, and who the FUCK doesn't like "Breakaway." Do you like when people challenge you? If so, in what? No, I get nervous about embarrassing myself. Personally for you, is falling for someone way beyond your control? It is entirely out of my control. What's something other than a fruit that you love in milkshakes? (Ex.twix ) Mostly chocolate stuff, haha. What is your all time FAVORITE milkshake? Ever tried the Reese's Blast from Sonic? That's some A+ shit. What's the latest you've ever stayed up reading a book? No clue. When having a peanut butter & jam sandwich, what is the best kind of jam? Grape. Do you like to write poetry? Yeah, but it's been a long time since I wrote anything. I used to do it aaall the time, but now I have to be seriously motivated and dedicated to the idea. When you get mad do you cry? Absolutely. Would you ever consider modeling? No. I do think one or two model-esque photos of myself would be nice and possibly help my self-confidence, but it's not something I'm seeking out and paying for. Are you scared of crossing bridges? Not very, no. If they're kinda sketchy-looking, I might feel a tad tense, but I'm not really scared of them. Would you consider yourself clumsy? I am unfuckingbelievably clumsy. Ever bought ice cream from an ice cream truck? Yeah, sometimes Mom would let me and my sisters do that as kids when one came through our neighborhood. Have you ever had a poem or story published? No. If you had/have a kid would you ever let them get a tattoo? If they were of the appropriate age, of course. And if they were getting it done professionally and not at some party drunk with friends. They better be in a sterile environment with someone who knows what they're doing. Do you love guinea pigs? Absolutely. I had three or four as pets when I was a kid. What is the worst thing you ever did that got you grounded? Probably run away from home. Have you ever been chased by a snake? No... and this is a misconception. Snakes don't chase. They go for what they see as the safest escape route, and sometimes they identify your own chosen direction as where they wanted to head, too. Where do you wanna work? I want to be a freelance photographer. What awards have you won? A lot of "A honor roll" trophies through school, among other academic awards. I seriously don't know what happened to that intelligence. I also have dance awards and lots of childhood sports team stuff. Would you consider yourself good at taking care of kids? I don't think I am, no. I'm way too nervous and awkward around kids. I've had to babysit for my sister twice though, and Ashley told me the kids had lots of fun and had no complaints. I guess like... I can do it, I am just very, very uncomfortable taking kids under my wing. I worry about leading them in the wrong direction. How old would a guy have to be before you wouldn't date them? I don't know, it would really depend on how much I was into the person. I generally stick with the approximation of a ten year gap though being my limit, so I think maybe him being in his mid-30s would make me feel a bit too weird. Be honest, have you ever tried weed? No, but quite honestly, I'd probably try an edible. I refuse to smoke anything for my lungs' sake. I'm curious if medical marijuana would actually be beneficial for me. Has anyone ever broken up with you with a note? No, but uh... I have, lol. It's how I broke up with my "puppy-dog love" boyfriend in middle school. Literally after he asked me if I was thinking of breaking up with him, and I said no before handing him the note because I was just too scared to do it to his face. I know, that was absolutely awful. Never, ever do that to the most innocent boy ever, kids. He didn't deserve that. Do you have sensitive teeth? Kinda. What was the worst thing you ever did to get detention/suspended? I've only ever had detention once for having too many tardies to my first class of the day in high school. We'd frequently arrive to school just a few minutes late because I was fucking impossible to drag out of bed. Have you ever suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder? Yes. Do you suffer from nasal allergies? Yes. What's your favorite kind of pudding? I only really like chocolate pudding. Have you done anything really interesting lately? I guess you could consider starting a virtual partial hospitalization program "interesting." It's not the intensive version like my first was, but rather being shorter. I just really need something to get my mental health back on the tracks. What’s the latest really fun thing you’ve done? REALLY fun? Hell if I know. I don't experience "fun" a lot at all anymore... I only ever feel like, this watered down, unenthusiastic sorry excuse for it. Have you discovered any good music lately? Oh yeah, I've found lots of 3TEETH songs I'm mad into. "ULTRAnumb" by Blue Stahli is also a total bop. How about any good new television shows? No. Or perhaps some interesting books? Nothing new, no. Have you picked up a new hobby or learned a new skill? I mean, within what timespan? Nothing lately, really. Has anybody ever done your makeup for you? Yeah. Do you own any sparkly items of clothing? No. What’s the most colorful accessory you own and use? *shrug* Do you enjoy drag artists’ work? If so, name some of your favorites. Oh yes, I have wild respect for drag queens. I don't know enough of them to have a fair favorite, but I do watch Trixie Mattel on YouTube and he is a goddamn hoot. What, right now, is the best thing in your life? Um. I don't really know. Probably the fact my mother still lets my too-big-for-the-nest ass to live with her... I don't want to picture how my life would be if I didn't have her still essentially holding my hand. What’s a place you like to go to when you need to get away for a bit? I actually love car rides for this, so long as I can ride passenger and just blare my music and not talk. It's so odd, being afraid of driving but finding great freedom and comfort in just... going. Do you like apples? I love apples. Anything exciting coming up for you in the near future? I paid the deposit for my tattoo appointment, so it was officially scheduled in May!! I was expecting an open date to be kinda far with just how amazing this parlor is, so I wasn't too shocked to hear I have to wait a few months, but man I can hardly wait. When you get an account for something, what's the first username you try? Unless it's for a "professional" site, in which case I'd use my actual name, I just about without fail with use "Ozzkat," or replace the "o" with a zero if that's somehow taken. Would you be okay with a friend wanting to date one of your exes? Which ex? What kind of accent do people typically have where you're from? Southern. Does history interest you at all? Can't say it does. What's something you wish you could do-over? There are many things, man. Is your hair in layers or is it all the same length? Neither, really. The left side of my head is very short/shaved, and as the hair goes around to the right, it gets longer. There aren't "layers," though. Is there anyone who you're afraid to be in a car with, if they're driving? I wouldn't say afraid, but with my sister's road rage and serious tail-gating issue, riding with her can make me nervous. What's something you're very good at? Um, I guess creative writing. Do you like sour gummy worms? oh FUCK yeah Would you pick up a hitchhiker if they seemed harmless? No. I am way too paranoid for that shit. Would you be bothered if your boyfriend liked to bite you? Uhhh I'm going to assume you mean this in a sexual context, in which case I don't care so long as it's not in a visible spot. How often do you get the opportunity to be completely alone? The answer used to be a shitload, and seeing as I'm in my room most of the time, I still feel like that's kind of true, but since Mom's cancer diagnosis and she had to stop working, she's usually home with me. I like it that way, though. Total isolation is bad for me. Do you have a trampoline? Nah, haven't in many years. What's your favorite Pixar movie? Finding Nemo. What is the strangest thing you've been asked? Something sexual that made me extremely uncomfortable. What’s the weirdest thing about life that people just accept as normal? The fact we put so much worth into pieces of green paper. What's the most random thing you've done out of boredom? *shrug* What show did your parents not let you watch as a kid? There weren't any specific shows that we even wanted to watch that Mom forbade us to see... I mean she certainly wouldn't let my sisters and I watch something like South Park as little kids, but none of us really sought unsuitable shows out. We were all about Disney, Nick, and Animal Planet in my case. What is the most pleasurable feeling that doesn't involve anything sexual? What comes to mind first is a big hug from someone who makes you feel safe when you don't anywhere else. What was your last "oops, wrong person" moment? I'm going to assume I sent somebody a text meant for another person. I'm super careful about avoiding stuff like this because I get horribly embarrassed, so it's difficult to recall the last time I slipped up. What do you find attractive that isn't considered "normal" attraction? Having a broad imagination and drive to create. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done drunk? N/A What's something you really enjoy, but can't have? A pet tarantula because Mom refuses to let me lmao. I'm so into them now and desperately want a Grammastola pulchra. What Wikipedia article have you recently read? I haven't read any recently. What subject should be taught at schools, but isn't? Basic adulting and financial skills. What is the worst game you've ever played? I dunno. I've played sooooo many video games throughout my life. What tragic event was coincidentally beneficial to you? My overdose because it led to an intensive partial hospitalization program that totally changed my life. What did you think was cool when you were younger that you now think isn’t? Good question... What are your favorite or most memorable lines from any movie/show? I vaguely remember the concepts of some quotes, but not well enough to recite them. None that are seriously memorable or heavy pop up in my head now. What's a good example of 'Don't knock it till you try it'? Putting peanut butter on top of waffles with syrup. It is fucking delicious. What's your go-to get pumped up song? 5FDP's cover of "Mama Said Knock You Out" is badass HYPE. What's the dumbest thing your parents have said or done? Well, through a family assessment before my current partial hospitalization could begin, I very recently learned my dad fucking did drugs before my sisters and I were born, including shit like cocaine. That was great to suddenly learn. As for my mom... probably have a kid too young? She doesn't talk very much about her eldest daughter's history with (and without) her, but I know enough to know that was a very rocky time in her life. What are some things you wish existed? Cures for countless illnesses, and I also have SUUUUUCH a yearning for some kind of technology that could copy an image in your head onto a drawing device. If only I could draw how/what I see up there... Which person shaped you the most? Jason. Or Mom. What’s the one movie you couldn’t finish? Why? Couldn't tell you; I just haven't watched enough. What's a small thing you have a big passion for? Meerkats, quite literally with "small" lmao. What change have you made recently to help the environment? I have metal straws I try to remember to bring with me if I go out to eat. What was the hardest thing you've ever had to forgive? The way Jason left. Is there anything or anyone you're angry at, that you haven't forgiven yet? I sometimes question if I truly have forgiven Jason. I lean kinda heavily towards yes, I have, I'm just bitter about it all regardless. Have you ever plotted revenge against someone? No. Have you ever done anything to get revenge against someone? I can't think of anything off the top of my head. What is the greatest longing of your heart? To feel purpose. Who was your first love? Some guy in high school who "had" to talk to me upon seeing me the first time, only to wind up wanting to hear nothing from me later on down the line. What denomination is your church (if you go)? N/A What was the first year you voted in a presidential election? This most recent election, actually. Have you ever been afraid of the world ending? I used to worry it would happen in my lifetime, but now I don't. If it ends, it ends. I ain't got much to lose nowadays. What is unfair about your life? My mental health. My financial position. I'd rather not focus on the billion shitty things going on in my life rn, so next question. Did you write love poems when you were younger? ugh Who are you jealous of and why? There's a lot of people I'm in some way envious of, honestly. Have you ever had an account of yours hacked? Yes. Thankfully nothing major happened. Have you ever been a victim of police misconduct? No.

[zoldyck-pilled]

How was your first time watching soring awakening (and how old you were?)

so i discovered spring awakening existed last year when i was 13 and i listened to the soundtrack in like,, early june. all i knew was that the main guy was kind of an asshole, jonathan groff was in it and that there was an lgbtq+ couple in it so i was like "sure why not?"

the only song i'd listened to beforehand was mama who bore me because a girl from school had sang it for a performance of theatre songs our schools musical theatre club was putting on.

i wasn't really following the plot so i can't really remember listening to half the songs.

for mama who bore me i didn't really know what was going on and i had no context- and with the reprise i was confused and thought it was at a campfire for some reason??? i didn't know it was in the 1890s and thought it was more set in the late 1990's/early 2000s.

when all that's known came on i deadass thought they were in some kind of cult because of the latin chanting. also because i had only known jonathan groff from hamilton at the time my brain was like "this kinda sounds like jonathan groff but like ,,, idk".

the bitch of living was a TRIP. it was the first song from the musical i added to my playlist and i was like "WOW these guys are horny". for some reason i thought georg was relevant to the plot????? even tho i didn't know his name???? that was the moment though where i realised "yeah this is a musical i can't play in front of my parents though"

my junk was also a trip. for some reason it gave me vibes of girls in high school movies talking about their crushes is gym class which was close enough minus the gym class. i remember thinking that by junk they meant like ,,, boobs and stuff and i was like "mmm ,,this is kinda dirty lol" and i didn't know that by junk they meant addiction.

i got the meaning to touch me very wrong though- because of the nervous dialogue in-between melchior and moritz over the quiet "oh my god" and "touch me"-s i thought THEY were the gay couple and i was like "kinda not v heterosexual of u luv xx" but i remember just being in awe of the guitar and the vocals and just how much of a beautiful song it was in general.

i can't really remember listening to the word of your body so 😳 no comment on that

the next song was the dark i know well. that song gave me chills. it was the one song i knew exactly what was going on in. it was absolutely terrifying- that guitar sent (and still does send) shivers down my spine and i just felt so cold and empty hearing the song.

i don't remember listening to and then there were none or the mirror blue night and i didn't think much of i believe- i just thought it was a random church song and didn't pay much attention to it.

then was don't do sadness and i remember getting very ominous vibes from the start of the song. i didn't pay much attention to it though. i did however, think blue wind was beautiful and i thought it was v sad and wistful. it was v pretty.

i paid NO attention to the guilty ones (because of the way the soundtrack is set out for some reason the guilty ones is after dds/bw) or left behind.

i can't remember that much of hearing totally fucked the first time other than the "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"s that the kids do (it was like 4 am at the time so) and thinking "ok this is kind of a jam ngl"

i listened to woyb reprise and i wasn't sure if this was a side couple of a main couple or what and i didn't realise it was the lgbtq+ couple 😳 and for some reason i thought gideon glick was a girl because im a dumb bitch but i added it to my playlist anyway because ,,, song pretty

i don't think i paid attention to whispering or those you've known and i didn't give that much focus to the song of purple summer but i remember when i finished the soundtrack i felt an odd sense of like- nostalgia and emotion even though i had no clue what the actual plot was.

the songs i had added to my playlist then though were mama who bore me, the bitch of living and the word of your body reprise.

time skip to summer in august and i decided i would go watch a bootleg. it didn't go very well because i stopped for some reason right before the start of my junk and i forgot it existed for a few weeks.

near the end of september, i decided to go on the wiki and try to get some sense of the plot and looked into the fandom and the characters. i enjoyed reading about them so i decided that the next day i would watch the obc bootleg. it was wonderful and instantly became one of my favourite musicals after that happened and i added most of the songs to my playlist after that.

uh anyway now im here having watched it around 10 times ,, and ive seen the obc, dwsa, 1NA and west end sa. but yeah that was my journey into becoming an sa fan!! i hope for some reason you enjoyed reading that 👁️👄👁️

[necromancy-savant]

Heavy/Alternative Music Genres Tier List Based Purely on How Much I Like Them

Taken from a YouTube video I saw today from my favorite channel, The Punk Rock MBA by Finn Mckenty - there was a link to this in the description to make your own. Full explanation of why I put what where under the cut. 

It was a little bit of a challenge to place these because I like almost all of these genres to some extent. In order to decide how much I like them relatively, I had to consider factors like how frequently I actually listen to them, how many different bands in a genre I listen to/how much I really know about it, and how much of an impact it’s had on me personally. Also, I have an idea from watching this and every other video on his channel what bands Mckenty means when he talks about a certain genre, so I tried to go off that more than my personal definition since he made the chart.  S TIER: - Best Music I’ve Ever Heard 

Ska - I fucking love ska and listen to it most days, plain and simple. 

Deathcore - same goes, really. Many of my favorite metal bands are actually deathcore. 

Skate punk - possibly my favorite iteration of punk music. This is bands like NOFX, Lagwagon, and Pennywise. Can get as gnarly as RKL and as poppy as No Use For a Name. 

Melo Death - I think most of my favorite metal bands that aren’t deathcore are melodic death metal. It’s a pretty broad genre if you ask me but includes The Back Dahlia Murder, Amon Amarth, At The Gates, and Children of Bodom.  A Tier: More of My Favorites

Djent - if you’re not familiar with the term, djent is an onomatopoeia that refers to the sound of a low power chord on a guitar. Meshuggah more or less pioneered the sound, but a lot of newer deathcore at least has a djent influence. 

Metalcore 1.0 - this is bands that sound like Killswitch Engage and As I Lay Dying. I listened to a lot of this in my late teens and early 20s.

Death Metal - gotta love it. I just wish some of the older bands had better recording quality. 

Mall Screamo - so when Mckenty says “mall screamo” he includes mall emo in that; it includes Fall Out Boy, MCR, and the Used as well as, I’m assuming, bands like Senses Fail, Aiden, or Hawthorne Heights. I have fond memories of lots of this stuff and have branched out more into both the more pop punk and post hardcore flavors of it recently.

B Tier: I Like It

Easycore: The first time I heard an easycore song was when I heard Playing Dead by Chunk! No, Captain Chunk! on a Spotify playlist. It was such an aggressive mashup of metalcore and pop punk that I was immediately obsessed. Easycore is awesome but it is still pretty new to me. 

Real Punk - in this context this means anything from The Sex Pistols to The Casualties to GBH. This sort of thing can be kind of hit or miss for me; I love the Casualties and Blanks 77 and bands that do this sound well, like The Exploited, do it really well. However, they have a lot of copycats, and the bands that aren’t so memorable (and even some that punk purists stand by) have a sound that I like but that all sounds exactly the same. Ultimately, a lot of the stuff that got put in this category often lacks the creativity and fun that my favorite punk music has.

Thrash Metal - I do really love Slayer, and I was always a fan of Kreator and Sodom. .  Hardcore - Hardcore can be such a broad term, but to me it does have a pretty specific sound though, like The Gorilla Biscuits, Youth of Today, or Terror, though it can also include older bands like Minor Threat and bands like H20. I think hardcore punk to me is something older and slightly different that influenced both hardcore and other kinds of American punk, but maybe I’m just being picky and not paying as much attention to some bands’ later discography. 

C Tier: I Dabble in It

Nu Metal - I love Slipknot and I like Korn (and I guess Linkin Park are considered Nu Metal) but I don’t really listen to any other Nu Metal bands. I like what I’ve heard but haven’t dug too deep into the genre. Maybe it’s time to go find a Spotify playlist?

Butt Rock - butt rock is Nothin’ But Rock: that sort of post-grunge radio rock that was popular in the 2000s. I think bands like Nickleback, Creed, Staind, and Puddle of Mudd exemplify this sound, but it also includes bands like Breaking Benjamin and Three Days Grace, and maybe even Disturbed, which I like. I remember a bunch of these kind of songs fondly, ngl. Crab Core - this refers to bands that played their instruments while standing in a crab like position. This is like the 2010s metalcore: Attack Attack!, I See Stars, Asking Alexandria, We Came as Romans, etc. I never got super into most of this stuff except for a few songs here and there. 

Grunge - I do really like Nirvana and I like most songs I’ve heard by Pearl Jam, Alice and Chains, and Soundgarden, but I can’t say this is a genre that’s had a big influence on me or that I’ve cared to dive deep into, which is why I decided not to rate it higher. Like, I listen to it a little bit but it’s not my favorite sound ever. 

TRL-Core Pop Punk - this is what I think of when I think of when I think pop punk as opposed to 90s bands that were considered pop punk at the time but are just punk now. It’s bands that were on TRL like Blink 182 and New Found Glory. I was just a little too young for this at its peak, and while I’m just starting to develop a taste for it now it’s always been a little too poppy for my tastes.

D Tier: I Can Take It or Leave It

Black Metal - believe it or not, this was one of the first metal genres I listened to and enjoyed, but over time it just got really overshadowed. A lot of these D and E tier genres have 1 band that I really like, and so I do love Watain but never found another black metal band that could match them for me. Many of their albums have way better production than what the genre is known for though, and in general I tend to like bands with a black metal influence more than I like black metal itself. Neo Thrash - both this and New School Old School Death Metal are bands that sound just like the old stuff but were started only a few years ago. The thing is, I like these but haven’t delved much into them because there’s just so many metal bands between that and the old stuff that I tend to only spend time on whatever strikes me as unique or exceptional. 

Nu School OSDM - same as Neo Thrash. 

E Tier: I Don’t Really Care For It (But I Won’t Mind If Someone Else Puts It On)

Power Metal - I’ve tried to get into power metal but I just can’t. It’s not my thing.

Grindcore - I really like Insect Warfare but other than that, grindcore is another genre that just strikes me as kind of boring and repetitive on the whole.

F Tier: I Hate It

Midwest Emo - I’d heard the term before, didn’t know what it sounded like, looked it up, and I hate it. 

Emo Rap - this is a very new type of rap that sometimes has some guitar sounds and has vocal parts that sound like they could have come out of a pop punk song. It’s cool stuff musically but I just don’t like the way it sounds. 

[sege-h]

A whole damn decade passed just like that, huh?

It’s been an eventful one. I think it’s the most roller-coaster one I’ve had so far. Then again I don’t remember like 80% of the decade before it due to trauma, so I’d say it was better? From the things I do remember, it definitely does seem better.

This was the decade that I became an adult, and it’s been crazy.

In 2010 I was in my second year of high school going on third, and I was still coming out of my shell from the traumas of the decade before.

2011 then brought me more of That Shit.

It started out promising, as that’s the year I made Storm. He’s not my oldest OC, but he’s an OC that’s been in action the most consistently out of all of them. I don’t think there’s been a single year since so far where I haven’t drawn him or worked on his story.

But then, the summer of 2011 happened. I’m pretty sure that, to this day, it was the worst summer of my life. The things that happened in the decade before it were 90% school related, so summers were always a time to breathe, and they were good.

That summer, all my friends were busy, mostly with vacations and summer jobs. It was before most of us had a way to get on the internet through our phones and still communicate online through them even when away from home.

There was one friend that wasn’t busy. But that summer was the summer that things started falling apart between us. It was 50% her own fault, and the other 50% were the fault of someone else, but that story is not mine to tell. But that summer, my abandonment issues were added to, and my paranoia that I’d get dropped over a romantic relationship was created.

 That was the darkest summer, but at the very end, I met up with someone that kept me kickin’. I met up with my bro, and we became closer throughout the rest of that year. We’re still hangin out today, and still working on our characters and stories, a few of which date back to 2011. I can’t stress how much of a positive impact this friendship had with me. I’d had so many literal nightmares, that slowly started fading away once we started hanging out and talking. And I can’t stress how thankful I am for it all. I can only hope that I’ve managed to give back to them as much as they’ve given me.

 2012 and 2013 are kind of a blur honestly. I can probably blame that on year 3 and 4 of high school. P sure 2013 is when I finished it, and if so, then that’s when I got my absolute devil of a cat, Pepi, because I got him just before one of my final high school exams. I love him, even if he is an absolute bastard.

2013 was also the year that I cut my hair I’m p sure and it’s hard to believe it’s been like 7 years because it feels like just 3 or something.

 I think 2014 was the year I got into the tumblr RP community, specifically the Sonic part of it. I’d only ever done a bit of forum rp early on before that, and the rest of it had all been through Skype. I wasn’t very confident in my writing, and especially doing it so publically where anyone could see it, not just my friends.

But I did it anyway, and I’m glad I did. My main fear had been that people would make fun of me or toss harsh critiques my way, even though I was doing it for fun. But I found none of that. I’d found a very supportive community, and I found people I became friends with. Some came and went, but there’s some of y’all that stuck by and are still here to this day. I love you guys.

 Ngl the latter half of the decade is a blur. I remember things, but certainly not things in years I could pinpoint. I’d probably say something happened in 2018 and it’d turn out to have happened in 2015.

A lot happened.

I became an adult. Still tryin to figure that shit out right there.

I got an internship and dabbled in cgi animation. I found it wasn’t for me, and left, thankful for the experience nonetheless.

My grandmother died, and I found myself free of another source of trauma that I didn’t even realize was That Bad until it was over. I finally got the opportunity to work on my mental health, especially my anger issues, as they all stemmed as a defensive mechanism from her. I’ve since mellowed out, but I’m still working on things.

I got a job again.

I started talking to and connecting with someone that’s my best friend now, who I love to the moon and back, several times. And once again I hope I give back to him as much as he gives to me.

 I went to a concert in Amsterdam with my sis and a couple of friends, and it was my first trip ever with just my friends, and no adults with us. I say no adults but at that point we were pretty much adults so we WERE the adult supervision there. But you know what I mean? Just friends, with no adults that have been doing the adulating for way longer and have more of a hang on it.

We had a great time. I mean sis had a sprained knee and I wound up having an anxiety attack, but that’s way less bad stuff than I thought I’d have on my first trip with friends when I was a kid. Like, we didn’t end up almost perishing in quicksand or anything.

 I discovered that I’m genderfluid, and finally started feeling comfortable with who I am in the gender department, because for the first time I had a word for what I am instead of stumbling around blindly and going ‘hm. This doesn’t feel right’

 I lost my confidence in writing again, and fell out of RPing for reasons I won’t get into. I’m trying to work on that, because I really did like writing.

 I lost my job again.

 And that’s pretty much where I’m at now? Just trying to get by, and hoping for new opportunities in the new decade. I’ve had a massive improvement in my mental health over the past decade, especially the second half of it. I’ll keep working on it. I feel like earlier this year, that progress was jammed into for a little bit. And I still can’t tell if I went a bit backwards before moving forward again. But I think what matters is that I’m moving forward. Sometimes I’m just chugging along, but that’s okay.

This decade, I’ve met the most friends. And I’m very thankful for the people I have in my life. Thank you for being here and talking with me. Whether it’s just nonsense, or about our interests like shows or movies or songs, or about our OCs. And for sharing your art with me, and letting me share mine with yours. Or talking about deeper stuff, like just venting, or helping each other out with mental things. I feel like I do less of that, since there’s so much I don’t know, and I’m usually the one going ‘wait there’s a word for that??? And a way to deal with that???’ but I hope I manage to help at least a little bit.

I don’t think I’d be here without you guys. There have been days where I don’t feel like getting out of bed, but I do it anyway by going ‘well I want to go talk to my friends’ and then going on about my day, and being productive when I don’t feel like it, because I’d like to draw and share it with you.

I love you guys. Here’s to another decade, and hoping it’ll be kinder than the last, with more ups than downs.

<3

[vecna]

For fandom meme-swtor?

Send me a fandom!

This one isn’t as spicy as the Dragon Age one, but I still got Wordy.

Also there’s lots of KOTFE/KOTET/etc spoilers in here, so don’t read if you don’t want to see em. (Looking at you, Chignon.)

The character(s) I first fell in love with:

My own OCs haha.

But more seriously: It was actually Darth Malgus! I was always going to play a Star Wars MMO, let’s be real. But when they started posting promo videos and cinematics for the game, my Sith-loving ass immediately gravitated to that guy haha. And then, it turned out he had the same VA as The Architect from Dragon Age, and that was it for me.

If we’re talking about companions, then it was probably Malavai Quinn. Sith Warrior was the first class I got to 50, and Quinn was the first companion that I really got overly attached to haha.

The character(s) I never expected to love as much as I do now:

Most (not all, but most) of the “new” companions that came in with KOTFE and beyond. I was initially really sour when I realized we were losing all our class storyline companions, and they were being replaced with a new crew of Lana, Theron, Koth, my mother-in-law Senya, etc. Especially when they – at the time – said we’d eventually get our class companions back, but it would be a while. So I started KOTFE sure that I would hate the new crew because I would rather have the old one…. and ended up liking them quite a lot! Mostly, lol.

The character(s) everyone else loves that I don’t:

Doc is the main one, jesus christ. If you didn’t read my last post, I just really really really do not mesh well with overly sexual and Adult Humor-y characters who scold you with a “You’re no fun.” if your OC isn’t into it. Doc is the worst example of it that I’ve ever encountered. I always play a male JK, and the fact nearly all of his convos amount to, “Boy, you and me are going to be up to our eyeballs in vagina when this war ends, amirite?” “You don’t want that? Come on, the Jedi Code doesn’t say you can’t FUCK, live a little.” “You’re no fun. Well, more for me.” drives me NUTS. This combined with how he interacts with Kira just does me in. Shoves him out an airlock.

Dark Side Jaesa is another big one, albeit mainly for OOC reasons. I just hate the fact that she even exists, really. I get the appeal of a story where a Sith corrupts a Jedi to the Dark Side, but the way she does a total 180 into gross hedonism while Serving You always just makes me cringe. Plus there’s the fact that straight dudebro gamers are really nasty with her, and she’s the main companion I always see men put into the slave bikini outfit, and just yikes.

Also just a lot of one-off NPCs that everyone goes crazy for and ships their OCs with, but I  constantly forget who they even are lol. Attros Finn comes to mind. I don’t hate them! Just don’t get the appeal I guess.

The character(s) I love that everyone else hates:

Lord Scourge, although I’m not sure he’s really hated as much anymore. I just remember at launch, when all of the overly invested Revan stans absolutely HATED him because of what he did in the Revan novel, and then flooded the tags with vitriol over being “stuck” with him as a Knight, and having to hear about Revan in his companion convos. It was really, really tiresome! Maybe it’s because I never really cared that deeply about Revan as my personal character, but I could not understand the backlash.

Anyway, Lord Scourge is my favorite companion in the game by a long shot. I love the conversations you can have with him about the Jedi vs Sith, and I love the mutually respectful tone those conversations take. (Where other Bioware companions who disagree with you have a tendency to just go, “You’re wrong.” and shut you down.) The fact that he’s so tied in with the plot just makes me love him more, really.

The character(s) I used to love but don’t any longer:

Cytharat, Koth and Theron mostly. Although this takes a bit of explaining, and is a bit Discourse-y – because I really appreciate them as characters, but their role and Bioware’s decisions with them is what made me no longer love them.Here’s the thing: Bioware has a bad habit of introducing male characters that are bisexual, and then having them betray you, leading to situations where they either get murdered or vanish from the narrative entirely. Meanwhile, bisexual women like Lana are untouched and around forever.

I was overjoyed when I first saw Cytharat. Y'all know I’m a ho for purebloods, and the fact that he was Malgus’ apprentice was fascinating to me – and then he turned out to be a bi romance. I got very hyped for him, only to find out he dies like 5 minutes later – or if you save him, he’s never seen again. Huge letdown.

Koth was the first character I fell in love with of the new KOTFE crew – I even initiated a romance with him! – but it quickly became obvious there’s no way to play the expansion without him turning on you judgementally at some point or another. And then, hey big surprise, you can kill him or else he’s never seen again.

Theron I’ve loved since we first got to know him in the Forged Alliances content, but that whole storyline where he seemingly betrays you out of nowhere, only to later reveal he didn’t actually, idk. And then, once again, you either kill him or he disappears from the story. It felt like a weirdly shoehorned in plot for shock value, and robbed us of a second bi MOC character.

You see the trend here? I want to love these characters, but Bioware continually electing to do this shit with bi dudes is tiresome and makes me unwilling to invest any interest in the characters anymore.

The character(s) I would totally smooch:

None.

The character(s) I’d want to be like:

None really come to mind? I just want to be a Jedi, come on.

The character(s) I’d slap:

Hunter all day every day.

The pairing(s) that I love:

Haha, this question is hard, because most of the SWTOR ships I’m invested in are between my OCs and my friends’ OCs.

However.

SCOURGE / KNIGHT IS THE BIG ONE, THE ULTIMATE, THE ALL-TIME FAVORITE. It’s really hard to describe just how much I love this ship, and just how much time and energy I’ve invested into it over the past… 8 years wow……….. To the point of being almost territorial. And it’s also near impossible for me to talk about why I love it, because the version I ship is so personalized with my specific Jedi Knight, especially since it had to live exclusively in headcanon land for so long. Scourge is, more or less, my Knight’s support pillar and the thing that grounds him and keeps him humble, in a world where my Knight is surrounded by people who expect him to be a pure flawless messiah. But, I mean. How can you have a man look at your character and say, “I’ve waited 300 years to see your face.” and not immediately ship it. And then I finally got vindicated after all these years when it was made canon!

I really love Arcann / Knight for a lot of the same reasons as the above, but I just really adore his one (1) romance convo haha. Granted, yes he did a lot of fucked up things, but I was so grateful when he had like… a Zuko-esque redemption. Where he comes to your character and firmly believes he doesn’t deserve forgiveness, and especially doesn’t deserve affection, and is instead met with acceptance and a chance to grow and heal. That’s the good shit.

Others:

Lana / Warrior and Lana / Inquisitor are my particular jam. I endlessly enjoy the mutual respect between Lana and those particular PCs.

Malavai Quinn / Sith Warrior is a longtime fave, and although I DO love him with a female Warrior, I really do with he’d been an option for dudes as well. And I feel the same in reverse about Vette / Warrior – I do like her with a male Warrior, and it’s so sweet and wholesome and endearing, but man I wish she’d been an option for female Warriors.

I ship Risha with every woman – especially Vette and Sumalee – and will be salty until my grave that Risha / f!Smuggler isn’t possible, because I love Risha with the Smuggler but she gives me powerful WLW vibes.

Agent / Watcher Two is also a lowkey favorite, but I ALSO wish it could be done with a female Agent instead. Same with Agent / Raina Temple.

Agent / Vector is very sweet, but again, I will be salty until my grave that it couldn’t be done with a male Agent.

Can you guys sense a running theme here?

Finally: NGL I love Valkorion / Senya, even though that ended in pure disaster.

And people around here used to ship Keeper / Lokin, and tbh, I still kinda love it lol.

The pairing(s) that I despise:

In general terms, I fucking hate every single romance that involves the male PC romancing his padawan or underling, especially since most of them seem like very young girls. I don’t know why this is so pervasive in the game, but yikes Bioware. Consular/Nadia is the worst offender, but they’re all just cringe central for me.

But the big one is Agent / Hunter. This would have gotten me run off Tumblr back in the day, but god I hate this pairing. I mentioned in the last post that I just will never enjoy ships where the two characters actively want to murder each other, but. This just gets magnified for me with Agent/Hunter, where all the mind control and blatant abuse comes into play – and people have a tendency to write noncon rape fic of the two and present it as ~sexy rivalmance~, which is awful. Add to this the “no homo” reveal where Hunter turns out to be a woman, after getting everyone hyped about a dude flirting with their male character the whole game, and it’s just a huge No Thanks from me all around.

And for largely personal reasons I just don’t like seeing female Knights with Scourge. Listen, for YEARS  I was treated like a pariah for shipping Scourge with my male Knight, while being unable to find Scourge content that didn’t have a female Knight plastered all over him. Even though he wasn’t even a romance option one way or another, the way the fandom treated m!Knight/Scourge with disdain while ardently shipping f!Knight/Scourge was offputting as shit. And then, after years, he was made a romance option for women AND men, and all these awful people acted like they were robbed, the way people reacted when Kaidan and Jaal were made bi in Mass Effect. I’m so tired. I never want to see Scourge with a female Knight again.

[jawbreakers2015]

Player Profile: Hang

avid modder, occasional TO and montage video producer from Germany top 12 in the Jawbreakers Stunfest Qualifier (artwork of Drop by Kagu)

What names do you go by?

I used to go by Troke for the entirety of April. Which was based on a dumb coincidence where I talked to Neer and had one of my usual mobile spelling errors and I wrote "I'm having ha troke" instead of "having a stroke".

I wanted to go away from "Hang Boy" since quite some time as I specifically wanted to get rid of the "Boy" and just "Hang" felt wrong and was still associated to Hang Boy anyway. But I guess I'm back to that now.

Reason to why I wanted to rid myself of "Boy" was as simple as me linking my online persona to my OC (By choosing her for profile pictures on basically any platform) which then of course lead people to believe she is a male based on the thought "Hey this is Hang Boy. So the profile picture must also be Hang Boy".

The name Hang Boy btw occurred just as I started my first step into the internet, when I was a big fan of the Binding of Isaac. So i needed an online name and I ventured through Isaac related things. Which was when I came across the Tarot card "Hanged Man". So I just took that and adjusted a bit.

How do you feel about your performance in this tournament?

Was pretty okay. I didn't expect to get far into it. Although I'm a bit sad I didn't make the Top 8 picture. Only needed one win more as well.

However I would have been disappointed in everyone else, if they allowed for me to reach Top 3. So good that didn't happen.

What was your strategy preparing for and competing in the tournament?

I haven't played Blaze in weeks. The only times I played recently was to get some recordings for a Toxic montage. Right before the tournament I was more worried to finish my Isaac run. Which I did win!

And during the tournament was pretty much just "Turn some nice music on, jam to it, play some Nitro, do some silly cuff shenanigans, do dumb parry grab down throws so the viewers can laugh over something".

I did "fly" with Nitro in one match but sadly it wasn't streamed so only Hellraiser was able to see the glory of Flying Cuff��.

Which was your hardest match of the tournament?

Hellraiser I suppose. He did kick me out of it. I never really played him or saw him play and he didn't fall for my aggressive playstyle, so it was a tough time.

What surprised you most about the tournament?

Cherry's second place finish. I know he's good, I think he's underrated even.

But second place is a really good finish. Even more so beating JawDrop since, in my opinion, he has some of the craziest tech and can be really really confusing to play against.

(Yea he also has weird lag even tho he lives in France but whatever :p)

Is there anyone you didn’t face that you wish you did?

I would have wanted to play Defur if possible. To some degree I see his entrance as a sort of meme entry. But jokes aside and game aside, I can only take my hat off to this man and his effort for the tournament scene.

Sadly didn't get to play Daio. It feels like a tradition to face off against him in FellowsTV hosted tournaments. Which always goes the same way tbf. He counters my playstyle hard, I'm annoyed to play against him, don't bother changing my playstyle in order to win, get demolished. But the tradition counts!

I'd put Neer in the same boat. Hate playing against him but it just kinda has to be.

How did you get into Lethal League?

A friend bought it for me. We played a couple of games, he had to leave. I went into QM, found Garu, got absolutely demolished, he friended me and pulled me into it.

I specifically remember seeing his Latch corpse juggles and thinking "Man this is so cool, I want to be able to do this too". So right of the bat I started to play for the style, which is what I still go by.

Style > Efficiency

It feels bad not having paid for LL nor Blaze but I bought LL for a bunch of friends so guess that checks out.

What's your current Lethal League experience?

450+ hours in LL 340 hours in Blaze (As of now. 26.4.2019) And a giant bunch of hours of community interaction and modding.

I was very excited when asked to be beta testing and it fulfilled a childhood dream of being in video game credits.

Despite only getting into Beta a month before release, I stacked up 90 hours before the game came out. Lots of 9 hour playtime days. It was massive fun.

I bought almost all of the merch...got most signed by Tim & Dion too. I went to the Netherlands twice to meet TR. It was fun, they are cool people. Watching Dion doing a live dance off was pretty rad ngl.

I brought self made cheesecake the second time, but Tim had to get it into the building since they check your bags for normal visitors and it wasn't allowed to bring food.

I'll never forget the sight of Tim with his big bag looking like he's smuggling a bomb into a convention.

Who are your main/side/counter character picks?

Everything. So yes random, it's random.

However I most enjoy playing Nitro because of all the dumb things he can do. Especially flying, cuff storage (specifically for down angle on the ground, to just pull a little bit forward) and half pull.

Doombox is also very fun. Special>bunt>smash>parry>special>repeat can chain pretty often on some opponents and is hilarious.

The only characters I "despise" playing are Toxic and Sonata. But only because I'm really bad with them.

What are your favourite character outfits?

Dust and Ashes. Just their whole design.

For real tho. There's not really skins that stick out to me since I use my own modded ones.

Can you share your favourite/most used custom outfit?

Hm I missed that that's not "outfits"...well take a load of skins! In order

Mothyman Jeviman Spacetor Golden Switch Drop Palette Sonata Supercharged Latch PaDice-a the Rapper Skull Grunt Supercharged Grid Supercharged Doombox Dropbox FYouBox Nitro with a blue, white and mint color scheme I made for every character and lastly my Toxic skin with that same color scheme

What are your stage preferences?

Idc. I play random so who really cares. I guess insert the usual "Paradise field eclipse succs!!!"

What input method do you use?

PS4 Controller Dpad for movement L1 Bunt R1 Swing R2 Grab

I used to play LL on a cheap SNES controller using only face buttons. When I was over at Dutch Comic Con with Serchiot I played a couple games of Blaze with his PS4 controller and really liked his layout and the feel of the controller. So I just sneakily stole his layout and got myself a PS4 controller.

Coming from all face buttons, I needed some time to get used to it. But in my opinion it's just superior this way.

How do you make your character montage videos?

I have two ways of recording clips. Just consciously recording with OBS or putting Shadowplay on and saving every time something cool happens. I usually just boot up Blaze and jump into ranked to get some games in. With the Toxic montage it was a bit different since I now have a 4K monitor but 4K can hardly be recorded at 60fps and setting the output resolution in OBS to 1080p got me weird screen effects. So every time I went to record, I put the resolution of my monitor to 1080p in order to at least get that in good quality. Then I just cut all the good clips out of the recordings and mix ‘n’ match ‘em. What's usually the hardest decision is what music to use. There's been a couple of songs that I'd like to use, but they either don't fit over Blaze gameplay, don't fit my playstyle or were just the wrong length.

My two favourite Montages are definitely for Candyman and Nitro. Candyman took a long way to develop, because I just wanted to show off so much. It's one of the few montages where I actually asked higher skill players for games instead of jumping into ranked. Picking the song was really hard, I was only sure I wanted a Klaus Veen track, but OD V2 was too mainstream and most others were too short. So in the end I opted for two songs with a break in between the montage. Splitting the clips into two sets, each song one. With the second part containing what I considered the more hype bursts.

And for Nitro I actually had the montage pretty much done, but I wasn't too happy with it. Still planned to just upload it like that tho. However when I saw the Nitro voice actor interact with a community member in a way that could only be described as "incredibly wholesome", I was inspired to redo most, if not all, of the clips and do the best I could. For the first time actually going into training mode to lab some combos (mostly corpse juggles tbf) and eventually learning Flying Cuff™ too. Watching JawDrops Blazin' Combo video and taking a slice off the Nitro plays there. Which resulted in a montage I am very happy with.

What other games do you play?

It differs from time to time.

The only games I always come back to are retro games like SMW, CTR or something like Mario Kart 8D. Which I always enjoy playing at local tournaments and pretty successfully so even. People just can't handle it when someone plays with one hand.

Atm I also like playing TBoI Rebirth.

Will you come to Stunfest?

Probably not. Driving/Flying over to France is just very expensive. I would love to meet all my Baguettes (Lusked, Jawdrop, Aru and Lalou, who stated he can't make it due to exams, yes I know). But exams and the neer-ing end of my apprenticeship is leaving a lot of work to be done.

So it probably won't fit into my schedule. However never say no! Trips to Blaze events aren't uncommon for me.

Is there anything else you’d like to say to the community?

Play the game for fun, not for glory.

Stop rubbing yourself for an imaginary title that doesn't mean anything as there's not even any competition for it.

I can't stress enough how great Soda City Funk by Tim Legend is. Go listen to it right now.

And for my last words. Be more like Kota. And remember, We love Ramkat <3

[whaleyoufeedmenuggets]

Im too lazy to look at the questions so DO ALL OF THEM. (if you dont wanna then go on a random number generator and get 5 random numbers)

ITS REALLY LONG BUT I DID IT KJSHADJS HERE GOES i love oversharing my lifealso im putting a read more line bc its hella long

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

water bottles

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

ehhh depends on my mood. i’d say it’s (dark) chocolate most of the time (love that 70% dark chocolate mmMmMm)

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

cotton candy!! except when it gets all over my face and hair o no

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

common report book comments included

- very active

- bright

- “the live wire of the class”

- usually distracted but still does well

- mischievous

- playful

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

bottles so that i can close it and save the rest for later and not have to chug it yeet

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

sportswear #sweatpantsalldayeveryday

7. earbuds or headphones?

def headphones but they’re inconvenient sometimes :/

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows!! (also, my adhd ass can’t get through a movie without zoning out oops)

9. favorite smell in the summer?

i haven’t experienced /real/ summer (thank u singapore’s tropical climate) but i rly like the smell of rain :”)

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

making up excuses to skip pe

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

belvitas before morning practice

croissant sandwich and chocolate milk after practice

if there’s no practice, then scrambled eggs from the dining hall lolol

if i’m too lazy to go to the dining hall, then cereal

12. name of your favorite playlist?

it’s literally called jams and the description is “a clusterfuck of stuff i’ve jammed to at some point”

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

gummy bears/sour patch kids

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

death of a salesman - arthur miller

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

with one foot up on the chair and the other leg sitting normally

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

a pair of asics sneakers

18. ideal weather?

15ºc/60ºf when its like cool but not too cold but also not ridiculously hot and also when theres no insane wind (a light breeze is fine)

19. sleeping position?

on my left side and hugging a pillow/bolster/soft toy

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

i like the feeling of pen and paper but im disorganized as hell so an apple pencil + ipad makes a good enough substitute

21. obsession from childhood?

frogs (i’ve loved them since i was 3 hehe)

22. role model?

a dude i used to train with for a while in 2014. he retired last year but he’s always looked out for me like an older brother since we trained together (he’s 8 years older than me lmao) and even thought i’m so far away rn he still checks in on me and stuff and idk he’s probably one of the swimmers i respect the most.

23. strange habits?

i cant fall asleep at night if im not hugging something.  like. it could be a pillow. or a soft toy. literally anything. once on a school trip i hugged a pair of sweatpants to sleep bc i legit cant fall asleep if im not hugging something.i have no problem falling asleep in class/on buses/cars/planes though.

24. favorite crystal?

idk i never really paid enough attention to crystals to actually have a favorite and know their names. they’re all rly pretty tho.

25. first song you remember hearing?

uhh h h i honestly can’t remember. probably some classical music bc i played the violin and that was my first experience of music that i was actually aware of????

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

switch on the aircon and take a nap / sit in bed on netflix/playing on my nintendo switch. and swimming outdoors i guess.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

switch on the heater and take a nap / sit in bed on netflix/playing on my nintendo switch.

do u see a pattern here

28. five songs to describe you?

jet lag - simple plan (bc time zones suck and i miss my fam & friends)

avalanche - bring me the horizon (pretty much sums up how tf my brain feels)

high hopes - p!atd

astronaut - simple plan

the reckless and the brave - all time low

29. best way to bond with you?

doing dumb shit with me

also Quality Time™️ like idk even if we’re chilling and doing our own shit i like just spending time with people im comfortable enough with

30. places that you find sacred?

idk

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

a hoodie and sweatpants

for no reason other than that’s what i wear 90% of the time

32. top five favorite vines?

I AM CONFUSION!!! AMERICA EXPLAIN

this bitch empty. yeet.

im in my mom’s car VROOM VROOM

the one of that dad playing the saxophone (???) and the kid slamming the oven door open and shut

road works ahead “haha yea sure hope it does!”

33. most used phrase in your phone?

either lmao or lolol or LMFAO or yeet

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

gOD i had spotify ads stuck in my head all the time before i switched to premium and now i cant remember any of them (thank god)

35. average time you fall asleep?

i’d say 12:30-1ish

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

the tROLL FACE MEME LIKE those rage faces idk what they’re called but BASICALLY THOSE 2010-2012 era memes

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

suitcase!!! i like sitting on them and yeeting myself around on them or getting people to push me around and then falling off

38. lemonade or tea?

lemonade

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

ngl i havent had either of them before

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

so in jc2 (aka 12th grade), for some reason PEOPLE WERE PUTTING PRE-PACKAGED HARD BOILED EGGS ALL OVER THE SCHOOL. like they were still in their wrappers and all but u could open ur schoolbag and find like 5 eggs in there. and no one knew where they came from. i think at one point there were even eggs hanging from the pull-up bars. all i know is that they were everywhere and people in my batch still remember it as the egg invasion of acjc.

41. last person you texted?

my mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

def jacket!!! especially when they have zips hehe

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

hoodie

44. favorite scent for soap?

idk man depends on my mood

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

sci-fi bc im a fricken nerd

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

shirt and sweats

47. favorite type of cheese?

cheddarrr also i like mozzerrella sticks

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

a fineapple B)

lmao jk ummmm maybe a watermelon bc when u hit it it sounds hollow, just like how my skull would sound if someone hit it (h a)

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

here for a good time not for a long time

never give up without a fight

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

idk probably some dumb meme. i laugh at a lot of stuff like i laugh anything even mildly funny. some that i can think of off the top of my head are:

- i was tryna type ducky but typed fucky instead and sOmEOnE (could be the person who submitted this ask, idk tho) changed my facebook messenger nickname to fucky and the notification was like ”poopy butthole changed your nickname to fucky” and i think that’s still the funniest sentence i’ve read in my whole life

- one time we went to mcdonalds and a friend said mcfluffy instead of mcflurry and idk why but i laughed so hard at that

- once @doduo and i spent half a chinese lesson cutting out random faces from the chinese newspaper and sticking them randomly all over the classroom and idk. it was the funniest thing ever. until the teacher came over and confiscated my scissors rip.

51. current stresses?

- an essay draft (that i am procrastinating rn by doing this, oops)

- CANADIAN TRIALS (but thats a good kind of stress)

- submitting a proposal for a group project but none of my groupmates are freaking replying my texts ugh

52. favorite font?

avenir next!! i find san serif fonts way easier to read than serif lolol.i like helvetica neue too.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

dry af but also i just got my nails done so they pretty rn hehe

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i…havent had a real job yet

55. favorite fairy tale?

idk i was never rly one for fairy tales even as a kid.

56. favorite tradition?

chinese new year when we get CASH and we spend 3 days just eating junk yEET im rly sad im gonna be missing it the next few years tho

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

hh h h hh hhh hh hh they’re pretty personal i don’t /really/ wanna put it out here but i can text you the answer to this if you want (i’m perfectly fine with that!!)

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

- i think i’m pretty intuitive!!! i can guess anyone’s mbti if i’ve spent enough time with them/gotten a detailed enough description of them /winks/ and i can read people pretty well in general and i can draw links to themes/symbols in lit pretty well….???

- i’m somewhat decent at lettering…i think

- i’m good at pull-ups and also vertical jumps i’m secretly a froge

- i’m decent at photography…i guess….

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

yeet

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

pokemon !!

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

/sweats/ i’m not very good at remembering lines from books/movies/shows WELP

62. seven characters you relate to?

JAKE PERALTA - b99

rosa diaz - b99

linguine - ratatouille (he’s permanently confused and he let a ratto take over his job bc he had no idea what he was doing like damn what a big mood)

dory - finding nemo/finding dory (i relate to the forgetfulness)

percy jackson

kale bae /winks/

mitt (during bad phases) /winks again, but sadly/

63. five songs that would play in your club?

idek man i wouldnt even be at my own club i’d be at home taking a nap i’ll just ask someone else to handle my playlist

64. favorite website from your childhood?

club penguin !!!

65. any permanent scars?

yE one of them was from jumping onto a treadmill going at 13km/h 2 years ago bc i thought i was a good idea

66. favorite flower(s)?

i dont have any

67. good luck charms?

i eat pancakes for breakfast on meet days!!!! altho i think this is more of a habit than a good luck charm tbh lmao.

also i guess pip???? he’s my emotional support narwhal :’)

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

durian. i cant stand the stuff or anything flavored like it ugh.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

red food coloring is derived from beetles

70. left or right handed?

right

71. least favorite pattern?

overly-floral patterns i guessssss. also i hate wearing stripes.

72. worst subject?

chinese

besides that, math and physics

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

i rly like vanilla ice cream and fries

also i would eat ketchup with nearly anything

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

i usually just suck it up and go to sleep when it comes to pain but i guess an 8??? idk. i usually take advil/ibuprofen only for fevers

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

i got my first loose tooth on january 11 2005 and it fell out on january 18 2005 & it was a tuesday (pls don’t ask me how i remember this bc i dont know)

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

tater tots

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

cactus i guess. idk im not good at plants.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

grocery store sushi (it was pretty decent in singapore so yeeeee lmao also i ate a lot of that as a kid)

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

its the same photo for both so yeAh

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

earth

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

idk i always called them fireflies

82. pc or console?

console I LOVE THE FEEL OF BUTTONS

83. writing or drawing?

drawing (more like doodlign for me bc i cant draw for shit)

84. podcasts or talk radio?

neither but if i rlllllly had to choose then podcasts i guessss s sss

84. barbie or polly pocket?

neither LMAO i gave all my barbies haircuts when i was a kid bc i didnt know what to do with them

85. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology for sure!! i love greek mythology (may or may not be bc of percy jackson lolol)

86. cookies or cupcakes?

cookies

87. your greatest fear?

losing those i love and care about (could be drifting or actual death it goes both ways)

88. your greatest wish?

rn, for my essay to write itself

for the short-term, to make the olympics (and WUGs…and worlds…and sea games…and asian games…and commonwealth games lmao)

for the long-term, uhhh idk. i just wanna live a life i’m satisfied with and to have a job i actually like and to be able to support my parents

89. who would you put before everyone else?

my mom

90. luckiest mistake?

i always say that i regret doing a year of college in singapore instead of coming here for freshman year but if i’d come in a year earlier like i was supposed to, i proba wouldn’t have made it past swim team tryouts and i made some pretty great friends in my first year of college soooo it all worked out i guessi cant think of any others rn

91. boxes or bags?

bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

fairy lights are rly pretty!!but i like natural light :”)

93. nicknames?

deb

debs

debo

debbo

alpha childuhh h h i think thats about it??? i cant remember any others

94. favorite season?

spring’s pretty great rni like fall too (before it gets cOLd)

95. favorite app on your phone?

insta/tumblr/telegram

96. desktop background?

a photo of me looking rly cool at the starting blocks before a race B)

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

4 - mine (singapore & US), my mom’s and my dad’s

98. favorite historical era?

uhh h h idk the ice age seemed pretty cool haha sike it was actually coldmedieval times seemed pretty cool too like damn i want a suit of armorWHEW I SPENT WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON THIS but i had fun so yeet

also if you read all the way down here ily and you’re cool

[survivesalem]

Episode 1 - “Let’s hope I’m not getting voted out” - Czern

Honestly I’m just sitting here so hyped that Austin is on my tribe . I know I can actually trust this man which is good . I’m hoping I can vibe with people on my tribe so I don’t end up an early boot . For some reason I think I may actually have a shot this season we shall see ! I’m gonna start reaching out to people and hopefully I give off good vibes !

I guess I'll just give my first impressions of everyone on this tribe including those who I know from the other tribe. Jay - Long ago we played a game together, but I can't really remember his style. I don't think our "pre-existing relationship" will help in any way Czern - A king who I hosted. He's not much on the social side of things so I can see that as an easy boot, but he could be someone that I can make trust me very easily Alex - He's fine I guess Mac - He's a threat. He got POTs and 6th? He needs to go soon. I'll try to get on his good side so he won't see a blindside coming though. II'm keeping my eye on him Ben - Who? He seems like a dudebro and I don't get along with those people. We shall see Dylan - My hosting buddy!! We'll see if they are playing INV or a complete rat. I know they're a flipper so I can't put all of my faith in them Paolo - Someone I know in real life who I brought into the community? Wild. He's a chaotic player for sure. And I am a chaotic player. Maybe we'll vibe together. Maybe not. Hopefully our chaoses come together rather than oppose one another. Zach - Maybe so At the end of the day, without a challenge, I'm just trying to be social and make myself liked by the tribe. It seems to be working so far, but who knows when being liked will turn into being a threat. I think, right now, I don't see myself working with any of these people long term except for Mac. But, as I said, he's a threat, but I could use him as a shield. For now, just focus on being liked and do well in the challenges! (Also this all-male tribe is actually disgusting and I want off of it immediately)

Ok so not even 24 hours after the game starts and my ass is already in a three person alliance with keegan and gizmo and I feel kinda solid about it i don't think it's going to go south hopefully

Hello everyone, my name is Mac, and I’m here to outwit, outlast and outplay this cast. On the other tribe I have someone who is new to the ORG community that I know well. Like, REALLY WELL. The stunning Liam. Liam and I, if we both get to the merge undetected we could slay this entire game. Now. The Osbourne tribe. I am friends with Alex. Lovely person. Do I trust Alex? Not really. No. Alex made a F3 alliance with Alex, Ben and I and I don't wanna be  thrown into a F3 with two friends, and I only know one of them. I kinda know Jay, but not enough to consider him a friend. Czern and Raffy are super quiet. I’ve heard Raffy plays like a crackhead which is fun, I’d rather have Raffy as an ally, or drop him early, who knows we’ll see. Love this game and ily all xoxo <3

So the first challenge is counting. I’m aight at math and I think I can count to 10 so I got this in the bag. I can’t exactly strategise except for social game at this point SOOOO I’ve decided to work my social game ELSEWHERE. I’ve decided to advertise for my Tengaged Group Game (with my Tengaged soulmate Liam) by sending the VL messages to go apply! I’ve also made a forms “application” to apply to be in the HOST CHAT!! How exciting! I got 20+ apps within two days (one person was like 10 of them but shhh). I’m very pumped for this game, Lowkey my tribe I feel is easiest to...manoeuvre. I wouldn’t say manipulate. Manoeuvre. I wanna try get to know them on a more personal level before anything. But honestly I learned my lesson in my past Survivor org to never stay to one ship. If it looks like it’s sinking, JUMP YOU SILLY GOOSE!

Im very worried about something...there may be no Music Video challenge! Don’t get me wrong I’m a shy bitch, but like, it’s very fun to lipsync and perform 💅 but I won’t be able to play any *good* music like Ariana, Beyoncé, Lady Gaga, Dua Lipa or Britney with all these straights. Ugh. Bummed out buttttt I’m sure I’ll survive. *insert a spooky witch gif to keep to the theme teehee* *takes a sip of an energy drink in the confessional chair* Actually you know what? Here is the songs I’d wanna perform to if we did get a Music Video challenge that are witch themed or witch vibes: “Rhiannon” by Fleetwood Mac “A Little Wicked” by Valerie Broussard “Seven Devils” by Florence & The Machine “House Of The Rising Sun” by Lauren O’Connell “Wicked Ones” by Dorothy That’s my rant. Love you all 🧙‍♀️

This tribe doesn't seem very social which works perfectly for me. This means that being the most social one will benefit me in the early game. For this challenge, I know not to fuck up and I know the strategy, but I fear that these newbies won't which will be a drag. Hopefully we can pull out an immunity win so that I can further situate myself as a pillar to this tribe

My tribe lost. I was mostly quiet in the challenge because I don’t wanna stick out like a sore thumb. I kinda know Jay, and I’m in a trio with Alex and Ben so we should be good. I wouldn’t mind if Czern or Raffy left ngl. If I leave first ill...riot.

So. I feel like I’m in a decent position. Talking to Alex he and Ben apparently wouldn’t mind Czern leaving. That’s great news as I’ve talked to him the least. Alex and Ben are a duo with me as their third. Taking to Jay, he wants me and Raffy around. Am I...going to potentially be in 2 trio alliances? That’s so GOOD! I wanna talk to Ben more and Raffy more. Make it look like I’m down with either trio. If Czern leaves and a F3 is made with myself, Jay and Raffy, then boom I’m the one in power!

I mean making sure your the vote is important. But to use connections to set you up well in the tribe, honey that’s a 4D chess move! It’s spooky szn and this first tribal may show a division if it’s not unanimous. If I make moves without people realising then that’s hot.

So we lost the challenge. Honestly, I feel fine because I have been social and it seems like people like me. I feel Ben should go because I've barely talked to him and he basically ruined the challenge by always wanting to do evens and didn't just quit it when it wasn't working. I personally blame him for the loss because he just didn't take a breath and leave things be. Plus, I don't think anyone has been talking as much with him or Alex. However, I'm just going to keep my opinions to myself and let the target fall on them as it will.

Last night was the immunity challenge and it went really well for us! We didnt even mess up and very quickly took to the tactic that is easiest to win. Everybody speaks in order! We were talking after and were actually worried that with the time being shorter, other teams would talk quicker than we did and beat us. However, when the scores came out it was 182, 46, and 15. I'm really proud of our tribe and us reaching near 200! Though I am sure this is one of the few challenges where us having fewer people is helpful. Hopefully our entire tribe can make it next challenge!

The names going around the tribe are Czern and Ben. I've talked only to Alex and Jay so far. Alex says that Ben said Czern's name. I don't want Czern to go because I feel like I can make him trust me very easily. Jay prefers Ben to go because he doesn't want to vote for Czern two times in a row. Also, Jay told me that he and Mac want to start a potential alliance with me. This means my social abilities are working!! This alliance will make me feel very secure for the rest of pre-merge as it's a strong three that easily claims the majority in this tribe. Hopefully, this is the first alliance in my tribe and I'm not playing into someone's hands, but I doubt that would happen. Score one for Raffy

Howdy y’all! Uhhh I don’t have much to say. Not much has happened yet and everyone’s pretty quiet. I stan the idol hunt? Simple and easy to navigate, but also very creative. We are immune after the first challenge! n e ways...uh...acab

I’m nervous that we lost the first challenge. I have yet to ever survive a tribal council, so I’m trying not to go. Let’s hope I’m not getting voted out

As tribal approaches, I am getting more nervous. There's barely been any chats, but that may be do to these people being slightly antisocial. Or it has something to do with this being an easy vote? I don't know. I am just getting a sinking feeling in my gut. But it also doesn't make any sense to get rid of me since all I've done is be social. Hopefully, everyone is telling the truth and I can just worry about the next immunity challenge.

Apparently Mac and Alex know Ben personally, so they want to get rid of Czern because they don't know him and that's a bunch of bullshit and is not fair to Czern. Ben has been so inactive and he didn't pull his weight in the challenge. We're going to lose again if he stays! But I'm not one to rock the boat. I feel bad for Czern, but I'm not risking my position in a cozy new alliance for him. Though I am more aware than ever of Mac and his threat status. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. He's going down and I'm going to be the one to do it eventually. In any case, I'm glad to finally be in an alliance that seems strong and trusting. It is with me, Jay, and Mac called Jam Rocks. We'll see how the chips fall.

[palemote]

day6 concert + hitouch experience (171029 toronto)

i’ve known about day6 since they appeared on that episode of YG’s Win, back when they were known as 5live. i wasn’t really part of the fandom for the past 2 years (i supported them when they released congratulations but after that i kind of fell out of the k-music scene...) but i’m glad that i recently rediscovered their music and their everyday6 project. they’re my 3rd favourite group/band at the moment and i’m sooo happy i got to see and meet them!!!

on concert day, my sister and i arrived at the venue at around 40 minutes before doors opened. the concert hall was inside a convention centre, so it’s a good thing that we didn’t have to wait outside in the freezing weather. we chatted with some other fans, who helped us get the paper hearts and banners to hold up during I Smile and You Were Beautiful! that was really nice of them.

we lined up to go in, and it was funny because the MTCC staff member who scanned my sister’s ticket asked her how much it was and looked absolutely shocked when my sister said that it was $250. that’s how i felt too when my broke uni student ass bought the ticket... but after going to the concert i can say that it was 100% worth it.

the concert hall holds around 1200 people, and there were seats(!) which was novel to the both of us because for every concert that we’ve been to so far we were in mosh pits lol. i was honestly a little bit tired while i was waiting in my seat but as soon as the lights went out, that all went away.

the moment when the artist makes their first appearance is always one of the best parts of a concert for me, especially if it’s my first time seeing them. my sister and i were freaking the fuck out because it dawned on us like, holy shit, day6 were there and they’re REAL. their first two songs were I Wait and Hunt, and all i have to say is that day6 sound AMAZING live. their mp3s are already really good, but the live experience is on a whole other level. i thought their voices would be kind of dead bc toronto was the last stop (and a lot of their songs have very intense vocals) but they still sounded almost exactly like their CD. after that, they introduced themselves. i was screaming my head off for brian (as was everyone else in the venue... he obviously got the most attention all night). then they performed I’m Serious and Man in a Movie (two of my favourite songs!), which they also killed. the whole time i was just in awe because of how good they sounded.

after these two songs it was q&a time, and to be honest i’m actually starting to forget some of their answers (it was 2 days ago)… i’m not gonna rehash all of the answers bc they’re probably on twitter but i just want to say that i really liked how the non-english-speaking members made efforts to speak english. dowoon and wonpil’s accents were super cute, and sungjin is actually really good at english. he even pronounced toronto the proper way! thx for telling him, brian. anyway it made me feel quite appreciated, because even though they could have relied on the translator, they still went out of their way to connect with us and speak our language. when dowoon was telling his story he said “i am not shy!” in english and everyone died.

the games were pretty fun and cute, although i personally thought that they went on for a little bit too long. during ‘intermission’ they put on brian’s vlog, which showed brian talking about how good it was to be back, and the members going to eaton centre (where sungjin sang hotline bling lol). wonpil and jae also talked about how cold toronto was, which was hilarious.

after intermission they performed some of their iconic songs, Congratulations and You Were Beautiful. to introduce You Were Beautiful, brian told the crowd “you’re so 예뻤어” and everyone freaked out (including me...). during these songs i noticed that brian seemed to be having a bit of trouble with his instrument, and i wasn’t hearing/feeling any of the bass either. then during the final ment he was basically like “lol my bass somehow got unplugged after the games and i had to fake jam to the songs.” but to be honest i’m not sure if a lot of people noticed, because they still performed so well.

the speeches that all of the members prepared for their final ment were so touching. jae’s speech was especially memorable... he talked about how he performed a lot in korea, but this north american tour was the experience that made him realize and accept that he’s actually a musician now. he also talked about how it felt really good to speak in his mother tongue, and perform in front of people who grew up in the same culture as him. the other members talked similarly about how they feel that things are falling in place now, and how thankful they are for mydays ;; it was definitely emotional.

after the final ment they played Letting Go and I Smile. and then they “left”, and came back for the encore, where they played Dance Dance (my favourite song of theirs!!!) and Freely. Dance Dance was, for lack of a better word, lit. i’m so so so happy that i got to see them perform it live! it was my favourite performance of the entire show. also, during freely, it’s usually jae who jumps into the crowd but then... brian passed his bass to jae, JAE STARTED PLAYING THE BASS, AND THEN BRIAN WENT INTO THE CROWD. i was watching all of this happen like “holy shit!!!” he looked so happy dancing with the crowd, and he even shouted “day6 jjang!” lmao.

the concert ended after that, and i definitely think that my hearing got damaged but its okay because the volume of screams just proved that it was a hell of a show. brian and wonpil were the last to leave, and brian was blowing kisses to the crowd ;__;

and then it was hi-touch time! since i was in row q (the furthest p2 row), we got to go first. the first member was sungjin, and i am not exaggerating when i say that photos truly do not do him justice. he hi-fived me and said “thank you”. i was like, “no, thank you!!!” and he smiled at me so kindly. since we were the first group to go up we didn’t know the order beforehand, so in that moment i found out that the next member was brian. he looked at me and said “hey!” and i swear to god, in that moment my brain short-circuited. i had so many things that i planned to say to him (welcome back, etc.) but all i could do was say “HEY!” and smile at him. he smiled sooo widely at me!!! and he genuinely looked so happy to see me!!! i deadass stared at him for 3 seconds because i was so shook... maybe he was expecting me to say something else but either way i hope he could see how whipped i am excited i was to meet him. dowoon was next, and i’m sad that i can’t remember much about him but he nodded and smiled when i said that it was nice to meet him. he’s adorable. after dowoon was jae (who is v tall), and he nodded and thanked me in a very chill, north american way. the final member was wonpil, and he smiled and nodded as i thanked him for the great show. (wonpil was kind of shy for the entire show but i could tell how thankful he was for everyone’s support. during performances there were times where he’d look out at the crowd in awe)

they’re all super handsome in person, and seeing them up close also made me realize how much makeup they wear lol. they were probably exhausted from the show, but they were very professional and had wide smiles and made eye contact with everyone! looking back, i wish i said more to the members, but i guess hi-touch is usually a very quick process. plus, it makes me want to go to another concert of theirs and say more to them next time.

i cannot stress enough how good of a show day6 put on for the fans. they were already one of my favourite bands, but wow, that was a life-changing concert. the withdrawal symptoms are so real right now. i usually listen to my day6 playlist to cheer myself up whenever i’m stressed/sad/etc. (which, ngl, seems to be happening a lot these days) and it was just so meaningful to watch them perform those songs live. the fact that it was a smaller, more intimate venue made it 10x better in my opinion. needless to say, i haven’t felt this happy in a long time and i’m definitely going to their concert the next time they come to toronto. hopefully they will come back with a full-length concert :’)