#i can’t look at the word iris normally anymore

[websurfshark]

save me slice of life cancelled s19 idea

[incandescent-creativity]

It's still technically Sunday for me so--

Snippet Sunday a new writeblr activity from @tracle0 (post is here)

This is from FLOAT, since that's what I'm working on lately!

🌊🦑🌊🦑🌊🦑

“Hang on, what do you mean ‘back’ on Earth? What do you mean, specific memories ‘of Earth’?” My head swims, but the dizziness has nothing to do with the movement of the ocean. “We’re not on Earth?”

“Not anymore,” Aspen confirms.

“No,” the word pops out of my mouth before I can straighten out what I think of the news. “No, you’re wrong.”

My denial doesn’t faze her. Aspen doesn’t move from her relaxed position among the pillows. Her expression doesn’t even change—she just continues listening to me.

“How can we be on a different planet?” I demand. “We’ve never been able to find other planets that we could live on, let alone travel to. We’ve never even made it to the planets in our own solar system.”

“I’m sure that’s true,” Aspen says, infuriatingly calm.

Logically, my brain knows that it’s not her fault, but my racing heart and stinging eyes are telling me otherwise. Pulled to my feet by it all, I manage to not fall over. That’s good—that’s going to be step one in escaping.

“River,” Aspen says, also standing from the bed that we were just settling into.

“Stop it,” I snap.

I can’t choose between glaring at her and looking towards the door, my escape route. In the end, I glare so hard a third eye opens on my left cheek and keeps an eye on the door for me. The split vision is disorienting at first, and I do end up leaning left before I recapture my balance, but it’s easier to parse than the dozens of eyes that sprouted as a kraken.

“Just because I can do—do weird stuff now, doesn’t mean we’re on a different planet,” I tell her.

“I’m not lying,” Aspen says, sounding slightly less calm as her gaze catches on the new eye. I almost want her to say something, just to use it as an excuse to see what I can grow next.

“Prove it,” I challenge.

“We’ll have to go outside,” she tells me. “I can introduce you to Venus, my second in command, too.”

"No,” I say again, shaking my head and closing the third eye to prevent dizzying myself further. “If we have to go outside, it should just be us. Tell her to leave, then I’ll join you.”

“I can’t do that,” Aspen tells me.

“And I can’t have her seeing me like this,” I argue, gesturing to the third eye on my face.

“Dismissing her will only make her more suspicious,” Aspen says. She isn’t arguing with me—she’s still calm enough to present straightforward facts for my consideration. “And you’re going to have to meet her at some point.”

The idea of another crew member staring at me douses whatever fire had been building in me. I can’t get rid of Aspen; she already knows. But I don’t want to have to meet a new person while the odds of them rejecting me for having too many limbs and eyes and who knows what else.

“It’s not the meeting her,” I lie. “It’s the…” The what? The freak show factor? The way I feel like a fucked up werewolf? “The shapeshifting.”

“What about it?” Aspen asks, as if it’s not a gigantic issue.

No longer willing to make a break for it, I close the eye looking at the door for the final time. I feel the skin of my cheek smooth over as the nerve severs from my brain and slides out of my face like a hair that got caught in my mouth. Not knowing what else to do, I catch the eyeball in my hand. It’s warm, and damp, and the iris isn’t the dark brown color that my eyes normally are.

I hold it up to Aspen, who, remarkably, doesn’t flinch.

“I can’t have this be my introduction, Aspen,” I say, as cowardly as it is. “I want to make a good first impression, and then share the news once they know me as me. Not as a squid, or as anything else.”

The captain of the Endurance regards me for a silent moment. I do my best to meet her gaze and stand my ground. I’m not part of her crew; I’m stuck on her ship for now, but I haven’t signed anything. She can’t give me orders and expect me to obey them. I don’t know what I’ll say if she tries to, but I haven’t known what to say this whole conversation, so that won’t be anything new.

“I understand your… social concerns,” she says, pausing to try and figure out how to summarize what I just said. “But my crew is trustworthy. I don’t bring anybody aboard who isn’t completely focused on our survival. What I’m trying to say is—they can keep a secret.”

“I’m not trying to have it kept a secret from anybody else,” I point out. “It’s them I don’t want to know.”

“I generally try to share everything with my crew,” she says, still trying to persuade me.

“And I’m asking you not to share this.”

I don’t know what else I can say. I really don’t think it’s so difficult to understand why I don’t want to become this ship’s resident outcast, shunned for my randomly acquired random monstrous abilities, but Aspen is taking another moment to think about my request.

It turns out to be a much shorter pause than the rest of her hesitations have been. After she comes to her conclusion, she steps back towards the wall and unhooks the latch to open the porthole window. The sound of the waves lapping up against the boat gets significantly louder, taking center stage instead of just being a background irritation.

“Here, you can toss your extra eye out through this. Feed some fish.”

[chvoswxtch]

New to the bar, could I get a margarita on the rocks? I have been replaying Cruel Summer an unhealthy amount while thinking of our lovely friend Matty. “He looks up grinning like a devil” is the line I have in mind. Would you be so kind to serve me something good? 🍹

i'm so glad you requested this bc i've been thinking about it since we talked about it and I had to stop myself from writing a 75 page dissertation on this.

that being said, I made this one extra strong, and I hope you enjoy. ;)

as a reminder: margarita on the rocks means it's spicy (minors dni)!

blurb below the cut

cruel summer

he looks up grinning like a devil

How long had Matt had his head between your thighs now? An hour? Two? You had completely lost count after the third orgasm he’d brought you to with his skilled tongue. You didn’t even know what number of those you were on.

The comforter and sheets to his bed had been shoved onto the ground by your uncontrollable movements ages ago, and even though you had started out dangling off the edge of the mattress, the top of your head was now pressed directly against the headboard. You weren’t sure if it was from Matt pushing you up further and further to try and devour you completely, or from helplessly trying to pull away from the delectable torture he was inflicting on your cunt.

Your body tingled with electric jolts, and everytime you attempted to move, it felt like you were getting a violent shock from sticking your finger in an outlet. Matt had you dangerously teetering on that tightrope between pleasure and pain, but you never wanted to come down. Tears from overstimulation leaked out of the corners of your eyes, and it felt like your jaw was permanently unhinged, locked in an ‘o’ shape forevermore. 

Roughly tugging at Matt’s hair by the root, he only groaned in response directly into your pussy, which only slingshot you even further into your impending orgasm. You didn’t know if you could take another one. But you wanted it. He just made it hurt so fucking good. You couldn’t even move your hips since he had them locked down with one of his strong arms, and with his hand gripping tightly onto your right thigh, the only thing you could move was your left foot. Matt had his head shoved so far into your pussy, you weren’t sure how he was even breathing, and you struggled to push at his ribcage with your left foot to try and create some distance.

“M-Matty…I…oh fuck…c-can’t…can’t again…”

Matt dug his fingers bluntly into the flesh of your thighs, swiping his tongue over your swollen clit one more time before reluctantly pulling his face back just a few inches. Closing your eyes for a moment, you sucked in a gasp of air to refill your tired lungs. A soft whine slipped past your mouth at the absence of Matt’s warm tongue, and your stalled orgasm buzzed in your lower belly like a hive of angry bees. You had been begging relentlessly for a break, but now that he had granted you mercy, you didn’t want it anymore.

As you opened your heavy lidded eyes to gaze down at him, they suddenly widened at the sight before you, and you felt your pussy clenching around nothing.

Matt’s normal clear hazel eyes that you loved so much were completely clouded with lust to the point you couldn’t distinguish where his iris ended and his pupil began. They were blown completely wide open with a ravenous hunger that made you shiver, and as his swollen deep rouge lips split wide open into a devilish grin that bared the entire top row of his teeth, you noticed a string of either your wetness or his spit still connected his bottom lip to your soaked cunt.

“Sure you can. You can give me one more. Cause you’re my girl. My good girl.”

Matt dipped his voice an octave lower and slowly emphasized the ‘good girl’ portion that had a moan tumbling past your lips and a sinister chuckle reverberating in his chest. There was a strong confidence in his words, but it wasn’t directed at your ability to come for him again.

It was in his promise to make you come again.

[kidrauhlschik]

Stray Kids as Sad Songs

Maknae Line

Han - Iris (The Goo Goo Dolls)

"And I don't want world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand"

It's no secret that Jisung struggles with his mental health. He always has and he's convinced that he always will. His anxiety makes him feel different from other people in the worst way possible.

His life got to the point where he is constantly on the edge, it is simply what he's used to. So, when you came into his life, the anxiety you caused him felt like home.

Everyone around him could tell that he was hurting and his life kept going from bad to worse, but he always failed to see your wrongs and flaws. To him you were perfect. You could see him for what he was and kept him grounded.

"When Everything is meant to be broken

I just want you to know who I am"

It's fine if you broke him down whenever he's happy. You were just protecting him for something worse. It's better to fall from a one story building rather than a fifteen story hotel. At least, that's what he always told himself.

Whenever he would approach you with the biggest smile on his face, beaming with excitement to show you a new song he composed, it was only normal for you to point out the flaws in his work. You were just watching out for him.

Afterall, he can't ever do anything right.

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies"

Whenever he would doubt your words of love, he always remembers that his anxiety is probably the reason he would ever doubt you. You would never lie to him right? You loved Jisung.

You loved him so much that whenever he would have a panic attack, you would dig your nails into his wrists to help him.

Once you drew blood he was finally able to breathe.

He loves you so much because you love him enough.

"Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive"

Felix - Evergreen (Omar Apollo)

"Was there something wrong with my body?"

While staring at the bottom of the glass, he ponders. Was it him? Were you right? He already had body dysmorphia. He already hated himself for the most part, but you made it so much worse.

He can remember fasting for three days, but he never got hungry. He only felt pride when the numbers in the scale dropped.

“She’s going to love me more.” is what he would tell himself as he pinched his gut.

The members were getting concerned. Felix had always been a small guy, but now he was skin and bones. If only he had told them the truth. They would have helped had he revealed what went on at home. If only they knew the names you would call him or the way that you’d treat him.

"Am I not what you wanted, babe?"

He tried so hard to be perfect for you, but it was never enough. Every time he looked in the mirror, he could see everything you would see as well. He had bad skin, his freckles were ugly, his eyes were too small, his face was too chubby, maybe you were right. Maybe he was so unlovable that he could only blame himself for the way that would treat him.

Maybe if he had been better, or stronger, or perfect. Maybe then, you’d still be with him.

He could only blame himself the night you left him.

If he was good enough. You’d still be there.

"I've cried, I've cried so much for you, baby"

Yet, he can admit how cruel you were. He can finally say that he doesn’t love you anymore, but the damage you cause ran deep. As awful as you were to him, he only felt resentment towards himself.

He doesn’t know who he hates more. You or him?

"You know you really made me hate myself"

If only he could disappear. He’d stop being an inconvenience to everyone. Maybe if he was dead, people would finally love him. There isn’t anything to hate if he can’t be a burden anymore.

He felt bad for his friends. You were probably right by telling him that they were only his friends out of pity.

That’s why he cut everyone off. They didn’t fight to keep the friendship. They were probably glad he took himself out of their lives.

Looking back, they always liked you. You were a different person when you were with them. Maybe he’s so hateful, that he caused you to hate him as well. What other explanation could there be for your treatment?

"Had to stop before I'd break myself"

He knows that he was slowly killing himself because of you. He wasn’t eating anymore, he was too fat. He never left the house anymore, what if someone saw his face? He didn’t have friends anymore, they don’t deserve to have to deal with him. He was drinking himself to sleep every night, it’s the only way he could cope.

At the end of the day, all he wanted what your approval. That’s the reason he sits alone at the bar. Maybe one day, if he became perfect, you’d love him again and he would finally be good enough for you.

"You didn't deserve me at all"

Seungmin - I Wish You Cheated (Alexander Stewart)

"Wondering where it all went wrong"

The road was dark and empty, which made it easier to speed. The music was unbearably loud, but that was fine. Seungmin didn’t want to hear his own thoughts.

What did he do wrong? He was the perfect boyfriend, wasn’t he?

To this day, he still loves you. He loved the way your eyes would glimmer when he walked through the door. He loved your bright smile when you spoke about something you loved. He loved everything about you, which makes things so much harder for him.

"I just need someone to hate"

How he wished that he could hate you. It truly pisses him off to think about you, but you’re always in his mind. The only thing he feels when he sees your face in his thoughts is heartache.

Even now, when his tears are making it hard to see the road, his only wish was for you to be there next to him.

"You and your goddam honesty"

Why were you always so blunt? Why couldn’t you just let him live in his delusions?

“I don’t love you anymore.” Were the last words you said to him before you cut the line.

You had blocked him on everything and told all of your friends to do the same, so closure was never an option.

He asked himself, how long can the pain last?

The pain had been his neighbor for the past six months. Maybe if he had gotten closure, or maybe if he knew what your reason had been, then he could rest.

All he had were good memories of the two of you. Which makes things so much worse.

Had you two argued, had he messed up, or had you found someone else, he would understand. He had absolutely nothing but questions.

"I wish you would have cheated"

What does he tell his friends and family?

Everyone knew of you. So what should his answer be when people ask about you? He doesn’t even know what happened.

He wonders what your reply to that question is. Do you tell people that there was fight? Do you tell everyone that Seungmin was a bad boyfriend? Or do you tell everyone the truth that he will never know?

"I wish I had a reason I could hate your guts for leaving"

If only you had cheated on him. He would be over you by now. Hatred instead of confusion. Was that too much to ask?

He wondered if his never ending list of questions would ever be answered. Was he going to grow old, never know the reason why the one that got away, left him?

Whatever happened to “together forever”?

A humorless chuckle escaped his lips at the absurdity of it all. After all, love is nothing but a joke.

"I wish you were the villain"

If love was real, you would still be with him. Had the promises meant nothing to you?

No matter what perspective in which he would try to read the situation, could help him. Unanswered questions and spilled tears is all he would ever have.

Even if he were to move on one day, you would always cloud the deepest side of his brain. After all, he still loved you. He just wished he knew the reason why you didn’t love him anymore.

"But you did nothing wrong"

I.N. - As the World Caves In (Matt Maltese)

"We're drunk a couple bottles, babe

and set our grief aside"

Alcohol always relieves the stress, which is exactly what the two of you needed.

Why cry when you could be making jokes about the situation?

The two of you were the only ones that knew about what was going to happen.

If it was up to you, you would be alone right now, but Jeongin insisted that it was this or nothing.

As selfish as you felt, you’re glad that he’s there with you. No one wants to be alone at moments like this one. No one wants to die alone.

"Here it is, our final night alive"

You had been diagnosed with stage four brain cancer three months ago. There was nothing medicine could do for you anymore. Which is what made you decide, that if you’re were going to go, it had to be on your own terms.

You had wanted to do it without Jeongin, but he was the one to bring it up first.

“I would rather die than to live in a world without you in it.” You tried to talk him out of it. You told him how foolish it was. He could move on. You wanted him to move on, you wanted him to grow old with a healthy girl who loved him as much as you did. You wanted him to have a family and to live the rest of his life with joy and laughter. Yet, he had other plans.

"And as the Earth runs to the ground

Oh, girl it's you that I lie with"

“We go out together or I go alone right after.” Was his ultimatum. You never agreed with the idea, but you know Jeongin.

“I pinky promise you right now. Whether it’s heaven or hell, I will find you.” His smile quavers a little with what you hope is doubt.

“Innie. Please stay back… I’m begging you to live.” The tears are now freely rolling down your face as you turn to look at him.

He holds your hand and gives it a slow kiss. “I’m not going to live without you. We said that we would be together forever and that’s what we’re going to do.” Nothing but determination drips with every word.

“Jeongin. I don’t-“ He cuts you off with a gentle kiss.

“I’m sorry, but im doing this whether you want me to or not.” A sad smile plays on his lips. Why is he so stubborn?

"As the world, as the world caves in"

Looking into his eyes in the middle of the night is the only think keeping you calm at this point. Hand in hand, all you can think about is how lucky you are, and how unlucky he is. Why couldn’t he be with someone healthy? Someone who could be with him in sickness and in health. Instead, he ended up with a cancer ridden girl that given the chance she would have chosen to die, sick or not.

"Oh we're going out in style, babe"

He tightens his grip on you hand and steps on the gas. Once the car is going fast enough for it to fly off the cliff on its own, he turns to you and holds your face in both hands.

“I love you.”

With a sob you’re able to respond, “I love you more.”

The sight of each other is the last thing either of you see before the world goes dark.

"Yes, it's you I welcome death with"

~

I wrote this on mobile so it might be funky and it’s definitely not proofread. Thanks for reading tho! ♥️

[doublel27]

Rites of Passage

Number of words: IDK, rating G

Pre-canon, Carlos x Iris (platonic), introspection, internalized homophobia

~*~

The camera flashed and Carlos felt his tie choking him slightly. Iris leaned into his side and laughed.

“¡Aye, que guapo!” His mom said, looking at the picture that popped up on the display of her digital camera.

“I know,” Mrs. Blake said, snapping a picture of her own.

“You make such a lovely couple. I think we could have prom king and queen here.”

Iris laughed warm and rich and Carlos should have been able to do the same but his voice stuck in his throat. “Like we’d ever get votes! We’re nerds.”

“But so pretty,” his mom shot back. “Don’t you think so, mi amor?”

“Of course, it’s the Reyes looks, you know.”

“Oh, is that it?”

Everyone continues talking and moving but Carlos feels frozen in time. He can’t remember the last time his father lumped them both together as Reyeses. Definitely before the terrible and awkward morning when he’d told them the truth he’d been hiding and they just acted like it was nothing.

A hand touches his face and Carlos startles back to Iris’s living room. Iris is peering up at him with those big eyes and soft smile. Her hair is piled on to her head in a bun with a few curls slipping down. She’s still the prettiest girl Carlos has ever known.

“Hey, you okay?” Iris whispers, not wanting to alert their parents. “You’ve got that buffering look.”

“I’m not buffering!”

“You totally are. What’s wrong? You know I’ll find out.”

“Just really glad you agreed to go with me. That’s all.”

“Okay, weirdo. I don’t believe you but I’ll let it go.” Iris narrows her eyes and tilts her head. “For now.”

Carlos can’t help but bark out a short laugh. “Okay.”

“You two ready to go? Don’t get up to any trouble.” His father holds out keys to the Camero. “No drinking.”

“Of course not, sir.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Iris says in a tone that suggests she has no less than three flasks on her. Carlos sends her a glare and she just winks.

Mr. Blake claps him on the shoulder. “Have fun. We know the two of you are responsible kids.”

“Yeah, she’s nothing like her older sister,” a whiskey voice comes from the back of the room.

Iris is across the room in a flash. “Michelle!”

“Couldn’t miss my baby sister going off to prom.” Michelle pulls Iris back and holds her shoulders. “Don’t do anything I would do.”

“I make no promises.”

“You should get going. You don’t want to be late.”

“Oh there’s nothing wrong with being fashionably late,” his mom says. “We could take more pictures?”

Carlos wonders what it would be like if this was real. If he was in love with Iris instead of just loving her. It would be so much easier if he was normal. Everything about who he is wouldn’t be under attack. He’d move up better in the ranks at the police academy.

“We should go. The princess has to get to the ball.”

Carlos takes Iris’s hand with the wrist corsage he and his mother solid time picking out just the right flowers to go with Iris’s dress. He leans over as he lifts her hand to press a kiss on its back. Iris giggles and blushes.

“You’re ridiculous!”

“Do you not want to go anymore? It’s a giant dance party.”

“Yes. I want to go! Where’s my purse!?”

There’s a scramble to find her purse and her shawl and their parents and Michelle talk around them as they head out to the drive. Carlos escorts Iris to the car and opens the door just like his father taught him to do for ladies. He holds her hand as she eases into the car and Carlos can almost imagine this as his life.

“So romantic,” Iris teases, her tone sarcastic, eyes crinkling in a smile.

“It is prom,” Carlos reminds her with the same tone Iris has used to talk about it since he tried to suggest they could skip it. Iris insisted it was a right of passage.

But it was just going to be the first of many rights of passage Carlos couldn’t have in his life as a gay man. He couldn’t marry a man, and even if he could, he couldn’t do it in the church. Adoption agencies wouldn’t let him have a kid. Why start talking about rights of passage and doing them when you couldn’t have them?

But Iris insisted that them going together was better than skipping it entirely.

As he slides into the seat next to her and starts the car, Carlos wonders if she’s on to something. Iris looks like a queen as the golden hour light plays over her skin. She’s his favorite person in the world and doesn’t have as much fun with anyone else as he does with her. His mom has always said you should marry your best friend.

[istorkyou]

The Price Of Love (Modern!Ivar AU)

A Modern!Ivar x F Reader

Warnings - See individual chapters. STRICTLY 18+

Synopsis - Money isn’t everything.

Word Count - 1340

Note - This is the second fic I ever wrote and I’m not sure why I never posted it. I think I started writing The Arrangement not long after and kind of fell out of love with this one. Still, it’s been festering in my completed docs for well over a year so I figure I might as well post it 😬 It’s fluffy, and maybe a little cheesy (and by a little I mean a lot!) so if that’s your bag I hope you enjoy it!

Moodboard - The beautiful moodboard is made the magical, amazing @serasvictoria. Thank you so much xxxx

This was beta read by my aussie wife who has left Tumblr. All love, all the time Lou x

Tag List - Let me know if you want on or off :)@smears-and-spots @punkrocknpearls​​ @youbloodymadgenius​​ @momowhoo​​ @zuxiezendler​​ @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog​ @ivar-s-my-brat-tamer​ @pieces-by-me​ @heavenly1927​​ @berryonasummerevening @synnersaint​​ @out-of-the-box-and-into-alchemy​ @petite-hime​​ @serasvictoria​​ @mimiiinspace​​ @itsmysticalmystery​​ @lonewolf471​​ @mylifeisactuallyamess​​ @draculasbride-blog​​ @love-all-things-writing​​ @southernbe​​ @redhead7799​​ @kaybee87​​ @ivarlover​​ @ivarhoegh​​ @idgafiamallthefandoms​​ @darkphoenix5037​​ @profoundtyrantharmony​​ @snarling-through-our-smiles​​ @crazyunsexycool​​ @xceafh​​ @bragisrunes​​@noway4u @batmandallyboy​​ @complicatedbutrare @readsalot73​​​​ @meandmycherrytree

Masterpost

CHAPTER 12

The next few weeks can only be described as surreal. You go about your normal life but now some people recognise you, staring and pointing and taking pictures of you. It’s like being trapped in a weird nightmare.

Your shop is way busier than usual, you suppose you have to look on the bright side of this shit show.

There are countless articles written about you, Sadie tells you that most of them are complimentary, although some less so. She tells you the comment section and social media posts are really awful. You just steer clear of it all, the good and the bad.

Ivar is having a hard time at work because of it all. He tells you his mother isn’t pleased with him at all. He keeps most of the details to himself but he is definitely more stressed than usual.

You spend every spare seconds with each other, at your place. It doesn’t appear that your place is known to the media yet so it becomes your safe haven.

You find relief in each other. Every chance you get you are making each other come to try and release some of the tension. You try to avoid going out together in public, but having to hide away is not healthy for your new relationship. You aren’t doing the normal things new couples do, dating, getting to know each other outside the bedroom.

On a lazy Sunday afternoon you're both fed up with being cooped up inside.

“Let’s go out, Ivar. I can’t be in these four walls anymore. Let’s go out and get some lunch, go for a walk, let’s just go anywhere, I’m going crazy in here!” Your hands fly up in exasperation.

A massive smile cracks out on Ivar's face, “that’s my girl! Screw them baby, let’s just live our lives!”

You get ready and head out for a walk into town, you end up finding a street market and shop for things for dinner. It's so wonderfully cliched and normal; walking hand in hand, his arms around you, his face buried in your hair breathing you in. You barely notice if people are looking at you or not.

You head into your favourite pizza place for lunch and hear a massive roar of clapping and whooping when you walk in. You look over in the direction it’s coming from and it’s Iris, Sadie and a bunch of your other friends.

“Oh crap, that’s all my friends. I promise I didn’t know they were here!” You turn to Ivar and say, he just laughs at you.

“Shall we join them?” He asks. You smile and nod at him, he seems quite relaxed about it.

You head to the table and Iris stands up, walks straight past you and pulls Ivar in for a crushing hug.

“Don’t worry about me, Iris. Jesus!” You laugh. Sadie heads over and gives you a hug.

“So nice to see you, stranger! I had forgotten what you look like, it’s been weeks,” Sadie says to you, a slight scold in her tone.

“I know, I’m sorry, it’s been a very weird few weeks. All of the attention has been making me super uncomfortable,” you admit to her quietly. You look over to Iris who is still hugging Ivar.

“Iris, do you want to put him down?” you joke.

“Not really hun, he’s very huggable,” she pokes her tongue out at you and turns back to him. “You really are very good looking aren’t you?” He laughs, looking at you and a blush covers his cheeks.

“Come and sit down, we've been looking forward to meeting you!” Sadie tells him.

You spend the rest of the afternoon sitting in the restaurant with your friends, eating and drinking. You can tell by the way they react to Ivar that he has won them over, he is relaxed in their presence and hilariously funny. A massive feeling of pride swells in your chest as you watch him charm everyone.

“I must say, Ivar. You don’t seem anything like your reputation.” Sadie giggles at him. He turns towards her with the deepest scowl on his face you have ever seen, his face is tipped down and he is staring at her menacingly through his eyebrows. She lets out a terrified squeal and Ivars face breaks into laughter.

“Jesus, there he is,” Sadie exclaims.

“I’ve been a lot happier recently so the asshole side of me hasn’t come out for a while,” he tells Sadie then looks at you and smiles. You can almost hear Sadie swoon. You actually hear Iris pretend to puke then laugh. You smile back at him, blushing.

When it’s time to leave, Ivar warmly hugs everyone. “Iris, I will pass on your number to Hvitserk” and winks at her. You look at her quizzically.

“Oh, you think you're the only one that can pull a Lothbrok?” she retorts, leaving the table in fits of laughter.

It’s dark when you leave, not a photographer in sight.

“We needed that, didn’t we, Y/N?” He asks you.

“We did,” you give him a big kiss, “I’m missing your dick though, this is the longest we’ve been together without you being inside me. Let’s go home.”

—————-

“So, this annual ball thingy at his company is coming up and he’s been practically on his knees begging me to go for the last two weeks,” Sadie and Iris look at you curiously.

“Yeah, so what’s the issue?” Iris asks.

“There’s a red fucking carpet, that’s the issue. Apparently loads of famous people go every year,” you say with a worried look on your face. Iris squeals in excitement.

“No Iris, it’s not a good thing. It’s terrifying. What if I trip over, what if I have a nip slip, what if I fuck up in some way and embarrass him, and myself?!” You wave your hands around trying to get your point across.

“Yeah that would be bad,” Iris says seriously, catches the look of shock on your face and bursts out laughing. “Of course you won’t do any of those things! Have you told him you will go? You have to go with him. I will if you won’t,” she winks at you.

“Just do it, Y/N you will be fine,” Sadie says in a soft, encouraging voice.

“I haven’t said yes or no yet, but I have been on the lookout for a dress and I’ve found this..” You take out your phone and show them a picture of a long gown, clinging to the curves of the model beautifully.

“It’s nice, but it’s quite simple,” says Iris with a wrinkle in her nose, you give her a smirk and narrow your eyes the swipe to the next picture.

“YES!!!” they both shout at once! You are showing them the back of the dress, or lack thereof. It’s almost backless, the fabric starting again dangerously close to the model's ass. You nod and smirk at their reaction.

“It's amazing, right?!” You ask them.

“Oh. Oh!! Do you know what would make it more amazing?! I’m going to make you a necklace, a long string of zirconias that you can wear running down your back. Let me, let me!” Sadie pleads.

“Go on, let her, Ivar can use it like a lead in the bedroom after,” Iris says playfully, winking at Sadie. You burst out laughing.

“Not really the intended use for one of my creations but do with it what you will,” Sadie says, trying to be prim and proper but with a devilish glint in her eye.

“Sadie, thanks so much, I would really love that, you know I love all your jewellery.” You blow a kiss at her.

“I’ll get the dress then, I will let him know I am going to go,” you squeal in excitement.

You send him a quick message.

I will go with you to the ball ❤️

His reply is instant.

Good girl 😉

His response has you chuckling. “He’s happy,” you tell the girls.

Chapter 13

[res-is-so-cool]

A Drug You Can’t Buy.

Roughly 3820 words

New Ending.

Origin story by: @NotPop on wattpad

Cisco was done.

He was done with Team Flash's under-appreciative attitude towards everything he did for them. Done with not being able to use his powers to their full potential, because he was scared. Done with always being treated at the jokester and never being taken seriously. And he was especially done with always having to stand by and watch the obvious sexual tension between Iris West and he man he loved.

Barry Allen. The Flash. The fastest man alive. Central City's hero. Cisco's drug.

Cisco was addicted to Barry, even if the hero didn't know it. Everything he did was perfect to Cisco. Barry could do no wrong, in his eyes.

But, Barry loved Iris, and Iris loved Barry. There was no room for Cisco in his life as anything other than a good friend and the occasional drinking buddy.

One night in particular was worse than normal, for Cisco. He was feeling especially useless to the people surrounding him as they all watched Barry speed around the city. He had tried to provide information he thought to be useful, multiple times, but had each time been shot down by Caitlin and HR, and sometimes even Joe, who all claimed that his ideas were 'too risky', and would 'put Barry in unnecessary danger'.

Eventually, he simply didn't want to be there, anymore. But, of course, he needed to wait until Barry waltzed through the door, again, beaming about his victory against the new meta-human that Alchemy has reawakened.

But, Barry didn't come.

He didn't show up for a long time after he was supposed to. They had lost communication on the headsets, but were still able to track vitals, which were normal for Barry.

And, like they should have been, his movements were confined to the area in which they had tracked the meta-human's location to be.

Twenty minutes after the fight should have been long ended, Cisco felt his stomach drop in worry. Where was his Barry?

"Do you think he's okay?" Caitlin asked in concern, eyeing the tracker on the screen.

Nobody gave her an answer, though, because nobody had one.

They all figured Barry was fine. It was only twenty minutes, after all. But, there would always be that lingering worry in the back of their heads whenever the speedster went out for a fight, no matter how big or small.

Thirty minutes, Cisco was beginning to feel sick.

Suddenly, Barry came charging through the door, the predicted smile bright on his charming face.

"Haha!" he laughed, and it was music to Cisco's ears. "Sorry that took so long, guys. They had a couple moves up their sleeves. Didn't see it coming."

Iris smiled back, strolling over to hug her childhood friend. She hummed into the hug, then pulled back, saying,

"I'm just glad you're okay.

Don't scare me like that, again," she lectured in a flirtatious tone, giggling.

Barry grinned at the obvious moves on him, promising her that he wouldn't.

Cisco instantly felt sick, again.

"Alright, alright, great job today, team!" HR exclaimed, clapping his hands together after setting down his coffee cup. "But, uh, maybe speed it up a little, next time, huh, BA?" he directed at Barry, snapping his fingers rhythmically. "I mean, you are the Flash, after all. The speed is kind of in the name, you know?"

They all dispersed into small talk, while Cisco simply fiddled with his fingers on the Cortex desk, keeping his eyes on his hands while he did so. Joe was the first to notice the lack of that special, Cisco joy in the room, and turned to see where he was. He saw him sitting, alone and quiet, and furrowed his brow in confusion.

Joe had been absentmindedly noticing, yet not quite realizing fully, how throughout the past week or two Cisco's energetic nature had slowly deteriorated. He glanced at the group of chatting teammates, who didn't even seem to notice their other friend's absence, then walked over to Cisco, leaning down by him.

"Hey, you alright?" Joe asked in a concerned tone, seeing the emotionless look in Cisco's normally lively eyes.

He glanced towards his love's foster father, a small part of him glad that someone finally noticed and placed his feelings into consideration. But, the bigger part of him was unwilling to share to Joe, or anyone, what was really on his mind.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he lied through his teeth, trying to smile. However, as hard as he tried, he just could not force himself to at that moment.

Joe raised an eyebrow.

"Well, you sure don't seem fine," the cop instantly caught onto his friend's fib, leaning his forearms onto the desk, close to Cisco. "You know you can talk to me, right?"

"Yeah... Look, Joe, I'm okay. Just haven't been feeling well, lately, that's all. Probably just a twenty-four hour bug." Another lie.

Joe shook his head, obviously not believing his younger friend, but let it go nonetheless.

Cisco sighed as the cop stood fully up once again, and strolled back over to Barry. Cisco swallowed and got up from his chair. He would have announced that he was going to go outside for a minute, but he knew nobody would hear him. And if they did, they probably wouldn't even pay attention.

He left the Cortex, going upstairs to the roof of S.T.A.R. Labs. It was where he tended to go whenever he felt down about anything; Barry, Barry and Iris, his powers, etcetera, etcetera. His list of problems went on.

As he reached the top, he pulled a joint out of his inner coat pocket, along with a small lighter he had grabbed from his work table drawer earlier in the day. He put it up to his lips, lighting it, and beginning to smoke.

He was up there for a good ten minutes, alone with his thoughts, when he heard the door leading to the stairs open with a creak. He turned around to face whomever had come up, and was surprised to see that it was Barry.

"Hey, dude," the speedster greeted as Cisco immediately turned back around, attempting to hide the joint he had between his lips. He knew that Barry didn't approve of drugs, or smoking, or anything along the lines. And although it may have calmed him down, Cisco didn't want to disappoint his love.

"Hey," he responded after removing the marijuana cigarette from his lips, covering up his action by making it seem as though he had simply been brushing his wavy, uncombed hair out of his face.

"What're you doing up here?" Barry questioned, beginning to step closer to his friend. Cisco had an uneasy feeling as he held the joint between two of his fingers. "Everybody's downstairs."

"I know," Cisco mumbled his reply. "Just needed some fresh air."

"Oh," Barry said, not seeming to catch onto the discomfort laced in Cisco's words. A minute went by with no words, before Barry spoke again; "Hey, you alright, dude? Why..." he trailed off in slight confusion, tilting his head, "Why aren't you looking at me?"

Cisco bit his lip, squinting his eyes at the city lights he saw ahead of him. "Just enjoying the view."

"Oh, okay..." Barry looked skeptically at the back of Cisco's oversized brown coat. He knew that he wasn't the best at reading people, but he could tell that something was wrong with his friend.

"Well, mind if I join you?" He began to walk closer, his footsteps making little noise on the concrete roof. He noticed Cisco immediately tense.

"Nope. That's cool," the mechanic replied in a defensive tone, almost as if he had something to hide.

"You sure? I can leave if you want to be alone, right now."

Cisco was caught in a dilemma; he so desperately wished for his speedster to go back downstairs to their friends. But, he also wanted Barry to have no reason to be suspicious of him. There was no good choice for Cisco.

"You can do whatever," he finally stated, discreetly tuning even more away in order to hide the drug he had with him. "It's cool either way."

Barry nodded, and walked closer, still, until he was next to Cisco, joining him in staring out at the city lights. Cisco felt a wave of panic rush through him as he held the joint down at his side. Barry's eyes were not on him; however, Cisco didn't know what to do to dispose of the drug, at that point. There wasn't anything he could do without Barry noticing. So, he simply did nothing.

Barry opened his mouth, beginning to speak, when he took note of Cisco's awkwardly placed hands. One was on the rail, and his left, the farthest from Barry, was down at his side, and it seemed as though it had been placed in that exact position so it could not be seen.

Barry glanced at Cisco's face, looking for any sort of evidence that he was actually hiding something, and furrowed his brow in confusion. He knew he may have been simply reading too much into the situation, but Cisco wasn't acting like Cisco; he wasn't excitedly going on about one thing or another, he wasn't smiling like always, and the usual light that came from his eyes was diminished.

Barry bit his lip, slightly concerned about his friend. He laid his hand on Cisco's shoulder, causing the shorter man to flinch. Barry leaned forward slightly, as to be able to look his friend in the eye. "Hey, man, you sure you're alright?"

Before Cisco could respond, however, Barry happened to lean a little bit too far. He had just barely caught sight of the small, brown cigarette in Cisco's left hand.

"Cisco, what is that?" Barry immediately asked, cutting short Cisco's response to the previous question.

The mechanic pursed his lips nervously, shrugging Barry's hand off his shoulder. "What's what?" he mumbled, beginning to turn away.

"Cisco," Barry said in a slightly annoyed tone. "Come on, man, show me."

"No," Cisco quickly responded, walking briskly back towards the stairs. However, Barry was immediately in front of him, a stern and disapproving expression on his face as he grabbed Cisco's wrist with lightning speed, in order to see what he had been hiding.

Knowing he had been found out, Cisco closed his eyes and sighed deeply. All he had wanted was to relax by himself, but Barry just had to ruin it. He tended to ruin a lot of things: one of them being just a little portion of Cisco's sanity.

"Cisco," his love said in a soft, surprised tone as he held up his wrist, looking at the joint. "Why-"

"Just let me go downstairs, Barry," Cisco said, gently reaching over and removing the hand from his wrist. Barry, however, kept ahold of the joint, but Cisco didn't care. He began to walk to the stairs, again, before the speedster grabbed underneath his upper arm, preventing him. Cisco glanced irritably up. "What?"

"Cisco," Barry started, pulling his friend back in a surprisingly gentle way, "what are you doing, man? You know how bad these are for you," he lectured in a soft voice, throwing the joint to the ground and crushing it under his foot.

Cisco shifted uncomfortably, hating to have to watch it go to waste. He also didn't care for the contact between himself and the speedster; Barry wasn't letting go, either. It made him nervous.

"I dunno," he grumbled his poor excuse for an answer, focusing his eyes on his feet, instead of the man he was talking to.

"Yes, you do," Barry scolded Cisco with a frown on his face. "Now, tell me," he commanded, "what on earth could possibly make you want to put your body at risk just so you could smoke a little weed?"

Cisco winced at the speedster's harsh tone, turning his head completely away as he felt the grip on his arm tighten a bit. He couldn't look his love in the eyes. He knew that he would see disappointment, and he genuinely didn't want that. He didn't want Barry to be disappointed in him, but that's what had ended up happening, anyway.

"Nothing," Cisco squeaked out, making a mental decision to not cry even a single tear. He couldn't tell Barry the reason why he came up to the roof and took drugs when no one was looking. He couldn't tell the Flash that he was in love with him.

He just couldn't.

Barry's eyes softened at his friend's broken voice, and let up his grip considerably. However, he still didn't remove his hand, as he didn't want Cisco trying to return to the stairs, again. "Hey, come on, man, you can tell me," he informed in a friendly way, smiling, even though he knew that Cisco couldn't see him.

"That's the thing, Barry. I can't tell you," Cisco stated loudly, turning back to face the hero. He harshly wrenched his arm out of Barry's grip, managing to look him dead in the eyes. "Can't you just respect that? Why do you need to know everything?!"

Barry sighed. "Because if I know what's wrong, then I can help you, Cisco. Look, I don't know if this is a habit or not, but if it is, then it needs to stop. I don't want you putting your body at risk, anymore. Just tell me what's wrong."

"You wanna know what's wrong?" Cisco snapped, pacing angrily, but never going farther than a few steps away from the speedster. "You're what's wrong, Barry!" He threw up his hands, suddenly beginning to laugh. However, it was not in a humorous way, rather, a frustrated, sarcastic tone.

Barry stared at him, obviously bewildered at his friend's snappy response. "What do you mean, I'm-"

"YOU!" Cisco yelled, throwing his arms up and continuing to walk frustratedly back and forth, back to Barry, and away from Barry.

"You're what's wrong!" Cisco repeated in a slightly higher voice, which he tended to involuntarily use whenever he became upset.

"You just have to go and be all perfect, all the time, and I'm stuck over here watching you live your stupid, perfect life, and just wishing I could be a part of it!" Cisco knew he was slipping drastically. He was aware in the back of his mind that if he didn't stop himself from talking within a few seconds, he would end up spilling his heart to his love, but that didn't stop him from continuing to yell at the hero.

"What do you mean, 'a part of it'?" Barry questioned, obviously not catching onto the message that Cisco was sending forth. "You are a part of it, dude. You're my best friend-"

"Not like that, you idiot!" Cisco cried out, beginning to feel frustrated with his Barry. He simply wished for the conversation to be over, but he had already begun to tell his feelings, and it felt as though it were impossible to stop. "I don't want to be 'just a friend'! Gah!" he yelled, angrily tugging on his hair. "I JUST WANT TO BE YOUR DAMN BOYFRIEND! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?"

Barry's eyes widened considerably. "Cis, what-" he was cut off by Cisco, again, who was giving him practically no time at all to process the mechanic's outbursts.

"I want you in my life! I want you to be there when I wake up, Barry! I just want what you and Iris have, but I can't have it because of her," he spoke the pronoun with unintentional bitterness. "I don't want to hate her, Barry, but I can't help it! If you two are going to keep flirting all the time, then at least start dating! I hate having to watch you two talk to each other like that!" Cisco practically screamed, tugging at his long, dark hair in utter frustration, and suddenly screamed hoarsely, "I love you, damn it!"

He did it.

He told the Flash he loved him.

And Cisco had never felt as though he had made such a wrong decision.

Barry was still in complete shock, but managed to ask a simple question: "You... love me?" He wasn't positive if he was understanding the situation, correctly.

The idea of Francisco Ramon loving him, the man that he loved, loving him back, the man that he told his best friend about, the man that he deliberately flirted with his best friends even though he is gay for. He did this for two reasons, to keep his love safe from bad guys, saying Iris agreed to be the one to ‘love him’ so they wouldn’t take Cisco for ransom and two, to keep his love off his trail, to keep him from finding out that the extra bit of love that he had been showing him through the past few movie nights and drunken bar hangouts was genuinely because he wanted to be his boyfriend.

But as these thoughts rushed into Barry’s head at Mach 4.5, Cisco collapsed on the concrete of the building. Barry quickly caught him, holding him near his body, letting his take in the warmth as his body was super cold and shivering.

A few minutes later Barry sped them to where Cisco had been standing when he came up there, curdling him a few feet away from the edge of the building so he could see the view and calm down.

After a while Cisco had stopped crying. Barry sat along side the building edge, barely four feet away from it, Cisco laid atop him, looking off the building the same way Barry did. Cisco pressed his back against Barry’s chest, allowing Barry to hold his waist

Although Cisco loved this position, Barry cuddling him, holding him, he hated the dreadful wait of what Barry would say. He hated the wait even though he knew what he would say. ‘Cisco I’m sorry but I’m not gay. We can still be friends though.’ Then Cisco would agree and then it would eat him up inside.

But as if on cue, right after Cisco thought about this, Barry broke the silence.

“Cisco?” He asked softly, not trying to sound mad, or confused or angry or any feeling he thought Cisco thought he might be feeling.

“Yes?” Cisco said hesitantly, contemplating if he should act like he was asleep or not. His voice just over a whisper, barley loud enough for Barry to hear.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Barry asked into Cisco’s ear which drove him crazy.

“Yes.” Cisco said curiously now. Barry looked at him profusely but Cisco didn’t dare to look back, afraid of what he might say.

“I love you too. I love you pretty face and you short body and your-“

Barry started to ramble.

“Not you don’t. You don’t have to lie to me to make me feel better, just.. tell me the truth.” Cisco cut him off before he could say anything else.

“But that is the truth. I love you with all my heart.” Barry said holding his waist tighter.

“No you don’t,” Cisco started, pulling his hands off his waist and leaning up the slightest bit, “you love Iris, and everyone knows it.”

“But what if I told you a different story? See, Iris knows I love you and to keep you out of harms way and to keep you from finding out that I love you, she flirts with me. She even told me that she didn’t care if she was the one to be stolen, she just wanted me happy.” Barry said cupping Cisco’s cheek and turning his head, forcing him to look at him.

“BUT I WANTED TO BE THE ONE STOLEN BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS YOU CARE ABOUT ME!” Cisco yelled, tears rushing down his face again. He pulled his face away from Barry’s almost falling off the building and Barry subconsciously pulled them back about 2 more feet.“I WANTED IT TO BE ME FLIRTING WITH YOU! I WANTED TO BE THE ONE THAT EVERYONE KNOWS YOU LOVE BECAUSE YOUR SO OBVIOUS! NOT HER!”

“BUT I DID IT ALL FOR YOU! DON’T YOU SEE! I WOULD HAVE GLADLY KISSED YOU IN PUBLIC! I WOULD HAVE GLADLY MADE IT KNOWN THAT—I LOVE YOU!” Barry said cupping Cisco’s face again and kissing him.

They stayed in that kiss for a while, Barry’s hands moving back down to Cisco’s waist, but this time instead of wrapping them around in a hug like formation, holding them in place and pulling him a tiny bit closer, closing the almost nonexistent gap. Cisco’s hands moving up to hold the back of Barry’s neck, pulling him even more close, literally the only room that was in between them was the space in between atoms.

They pulled away before the kiss could become passionate, looking into each others glassy eyes. Barry went up and cupped Cisco’s face again, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. They smiled at each other, settling the argument with a look: Barry did love Cisco and Cisco did love Barry.

“Hey, it’s late. We can go back to my place to night and work out the details in the morning okay?” Barry offered as he saw Cisco’s eyes getting heavy. Cisco nodded and Barry picked him up bridal style, speeding him home.

After a few minutes Cisco was fast asleep in Barry’s bed.

Epilogue:

Barry sat on the couch in his apartment living room and took his phone out of his pocket and called his best friend, Iris.

“Hey! When you never came back down we just thought you guys were talking since my dad said Cisco was really being himself today and went home!” Iris said in a slepy tone.

“No no- we’re fine. But look the craziest thing just happened to me!” Barry said quickly.

“What- did something bad happen-?” Iris asked panicked.

“No no- not bad but um- me and Cisco kissed…” Barry deadpanned, unable to contain his excitement.

“Wait really? Omg I’m so happy for you guys!” Iris said happily.

“Yeah, but we haven’t really ironed out the details yet or even made it official yet so keep it on the down low okay?” He asked softly.

“Okay… but was it a like ‘ in the moment’ kiss or ‘we just confessed to each other I want to kiss you now’ kiss?” Iris asked.

“Uh.. Both-kinda-but Cisco’s kinda asleep in my room, in my bed, right now so I’ll just text you the details because if I say it I might scream and wake him.” Barry responded.

“Wait HES IN YOUR BED!” Iris asked almost screaming.

“yeah but we didn’t like fuck or anything, he just looked tired and I didn’t want him to ya know, drive himself home so I brought him here.” Barry said quickly.

“Yeah yeah no no yeah yeah no no cool. Text me the deets!” Iris said before hanging up.

[sturniologurliez]

Hey guys this is kind of part of my book that I'm trying to write tell me what you guys think

Warnings: mentions of death and k!lling urself and that's about it

Word count: 930

hope you guys like it

In my veins

Chapter 1

“Why can’t you just be like a normal girl this is not feminine” said my mom “What is wrong with hoodies and sweatpants�� “ there just not feminine you need to be more feminine or your not going to get a husband” omg this women “ im only 16 I cant marry anyone till im 18” “ so start looking for guys you never go out anymore after what happened” “ omg mom can you stop bring him up “

Texting your best friend 

I'm so done with her she keeps bringing him up.

Omg what happened this time.

She was telling me how I need to be more feminine like, be for real .

Ya im sorry im not there i will be back in like two weeks.

AHHH that's too long.

It's not my fault we have to go to a different state because of my dad.

Ughhh wtv be safe and i love you. Love you too.

In your room…

Why cant she just stop bringing him up like that was 6 months ago. And I don't ever go out because I know I might see him and I never wanna see him again. We were like two magnets you put us together and we never wanna be separated. We were young and we still are young but there are sum things that should never be like me and him. Ya i still miss him but i just wanna forget him my birthday is in 1 week and i still don't even wanna celebrate it bc that's when we got together. 

I just cant with this anymore i need my bsf.

<You start to get ready for bed and right as you are about to go get into the shower you mom calls for you out in the kitchen.>

I'm coming hold on_ you yell your mom and as you walk out of your room you see her crying_

<you ask her what wrong and she tells you to sit down>

I'm so sorry Aphrodite

but your friend Iris was in a car crash with her dad and the car went in the river they didn't make it. As your mom told you this you You couldn't believe it it was like a nightmare that you just couldn't wake up from you didn't know how to react you just broke down crying so sad you just thought you lost it and thought to yourself what do I do now my best friend just died and things have been rough  lately even with her here and now without her what am I supposed to do all I can think about is just crawling into a whole and just staying there forever I just don't know what to do it's just this is just too much I don't know how to deal with this I don't know how to live without my best friend I don't know how to do this without her I don't know how I just don't.

Chapter 2

2 days go bye since you found out your best friend died…..

Haven't came out of my room and 2 days I haven't ate anything I'm leaving I've done is just lay in my bed curled up in a little ball what am I supposed to do if you're not listening in four days all I can think about is what if I was there what if just what if all I can think about I can't believe this is happening to me my birthday I don't even want to think about my birthday anymore all I want is for my best friend back I keep getting these agonizing thoughts of what if I just ended all  What if I start drinking again by stars smoking me and what if I just OD but if I just  kill myself what if I just do that so that I don't have to suffer all this pain again what have I just do that so that I don't want to have to feel like this what if I just want if just can't deal with this anymore this is all too much I just don't know what to do I'm just falling into a depression again These thoughts just keep coming to my mind 

You start to clean your room and you start to write letters and grab as many pills as you can and run to your room hoping that your mom doesn't see you you say good night and that you love her you Take the first 20 pills that you could find and drink half the glass of water And then you take the rest you finished your letters you clean your room you made your bed now all you have to do is wait 

You wake up in the hospital a burn in my throat  my mom sitting in the hospital chair crying You think to yourself what did I do wrong this was supposed to work Why didn't it I'm supposed to be with her right now not in a stupid Hospital you start crying and your mom looks up from her hands  she's basically jumps out of the chair and captures you in a hug saying Thank You Lord thank you thank you so much you just start crying even harder unable to control your tears and tell your mom you're sorry I said please don't ever scare me ever ever scare me like that again lucky I walked in your room to bring you your clothes cuz you forgot them you were seizing.

(this was just a quick writing and its not proofread)

[blue-bird17]

Forest Run - Chapter 3

Jett waved at us when I went outside for the first time in three days. “Bye kids, be safe! AND DON’T KILL EACH OTHER ON YOUR GUY’S TRIP, ALRIGHT?”

“Got it!” Nevaeh yelled, “See ya, old man!” Nevaeh and Jay are going into Doylestown, which is a one hour bike ride away. Why does this weird investigation station have to be so far from the town? I’m going to die from this annoying kid and so, so tiring bike ride. Though Nevaeh was so tired—and felt like calling a cab to come and pick her up—it was Jay that had trouble keeping up, which surprised Nevaeh because it looks like both Jett and Jay were filled with muscle. I guess it’s because I have stronger wings. Oh right, our wings! “Hey, umm, I have to use the washroom, I guess I’ll have to go out in the woods, uhh, I’ll be back soon, so… See ya.” Loser! Nevaeh trailed her bike over to the woods, went a little way through the trees, and she spread her wings out to fly. She took off for the skies, using her magic to bring along her black bike. She went through the clouds laughing with thrill. This is amazing! I love it up here!

⸻

Where is that girl? Jay thought as paced back and forth, lead in hand. You know what, that’s it, I’m going without her. She knows the way, so she can navigate herself through this open wasteland. He hopped on his bike and petaled off through all the reeds sticking up high. Only if he had as much strength as Nevaeh, he wouldn’t have to stop as much to rest.

When he reached Doylestown, he went straight to the place they were supposed to be if they ever got separated from each other. It’s called Planet Smoothie and it’s on W State St. I guess that’s easy enough for both of us to follow. Nevaeh and Jay only agreed on this because they both like smoothies. They would’ve picked a pizza place, but they couldn’t agree on a pizza. Nevaeh only liked cheese while Jay only liked pepperoni pizza. Jay got inside Planet Smoothie and found Nevaeh waiting there for him.

“How the hell did you get here faster than ME!”

“I got here faster than you because I used my resources wisely.” Nevaeh said calmly.

“You did not.” Jay gasped, “I can’t believe you used your wings! Without me!”

“Well I did. What flavored smoothie do you want?”

“Is that why you went to totally use the washroom! You did that just for you to sneak away with your wings!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now, answer my question! What flavored smoothie do you want?” Alright, now Nevaeh was practically yelling at him, he could see the anger in her eyes.

“I still can’t believe you left me! Just left, if that isn’t bad enough, you used your wings instead while I was working up a sweat on that annoying bike!” Jay couldn’t believe he was still caught up in this stupid conversation that he was having with a wall—technically Nevaeh was acting like a blank, white wall.

“Answer the damn question! What flavored smoothie do you want?!” Oh gods, now he’s done it, Nevaeh iris even turned a fiery color, and the pupil shape of it. That changed to what a cat’s pupils look like, a long rhombus reaching from the top down to the bottom of the iris.

“Orange and pineapple…” Jay said while slumping his shoulders over.

Nevaeh went up to order their drinks, then sat down with him and waited quietly—not even one peep from Jay, afraid that he might mess things up again—her name was called and they got up, got their drinks, and left—and of course saying thank you on the way out.

“Where do you want to go now?” Jay said hesitantly, afraid Nevaeh might yell at him again. But her eyes are back to normal, maybe she won’t act harshly anymore for the time being.

“To the skies.” Nevaeh looked up.

“Huh? What’s that supposed to mean?” Jay questioned.

“Just lock up our bikes to the railing over there.” Nevaeh pointed across the street to a railing that was just out in the open, not connecting to anything. “And then we take off.”

Jay obeyed not saying a word, and went back to Nevaeh. Her beautiful black wings folded out from the royal blue tunic while she was holding on to the stairway railing. Jay got the hint, he made his tiny golden wings pop out of his plain black tunic. My wings are big, but they look like an ant next to her wings! Like- what the hell? Nevaeh beat her wings once and she took off. Now Jay gets it, she wants to go up to the clouds, Jay flapped his wings; once; twice; three times, and then he shot out off the grayish sidewalk.

⸻

Nevaeh shot up into the pink clouds and looked at the golden sky. Jay came through the clouds, coughing when part of the clouds somehow got into his mouth.

“In fantasy stories,” Jay coughed, “the clouds always seemed to taste like cotton candy, I don’t see how though. These supposedly ‘cotton candy clouds’ are horribly for the taste!” Jay spat. “Woah, that’s beautiful.” He gasped.

Indeed it was, the sunset in Doylestown was the prettiest in September. The clouds were this beautiful pink color, the sky going through phases to get from blue to a golden yellow color, skipping over the colors red and orange, only going through purple; pink, and coral to get to the golden sun. With Nevaeh back to Jay, she didn’t notice when he floated over to Nevaeh.

“Hey,” Jay panted, “I don’t know what sort of magic you have, but if you could somehow—”

He wasn’t even able to finish his sentence before Nevaeh used her powers to lift him, only half a thought made him floating beside her. “Is that better for you?” Nevaeh asked a little too sweetly.

“Oh whatever.” Jay said, sass filling his words. He made to make a friendly slap on Nevaeh’s shoulder, but she pushed him away with her magic.

“Don’t be so rude, Jay.” Nevaeh scolded.

“Mhm, like you weren’t going to do something worse than just a little push.”

“Actually, I did just wanted to release my magic and let you fall.”

“Why didn’t you do it? Have you loosened up to like me yet?” Jay battered his eyes.

“Oh please. Don’t flatter yourself, and while you’re at it, don’t act like a little girl.”

“I wasn’t acting like a little girl!” Jay exclaimed.

“Mhm. Okay. Well, anyway, Jett told us not to kill each other, plus I would be put in jail if I didn’t tell the right lies.” Nevaeh explained.

“I didn’t think you’d go that far.” Jay murmured, “Maybe that’s why you don’t have any parents.”

Nevaeh knew he didn’t know anything about her life, or that she had no family, but she couldn’t help being heart-broken at the pointless joke. Nevaeh dove down after whispering, “Now you’ve gone too far.”

⸻

Nevaeh went down out of the skies, her magic leaving with her. “Now you’ve gone too far.” Her voice still whispered in Jay’s head. He was falling from the sky, but he didn’t really care, Jay was more thinking about what she had whispered right after he said those meaningless words. When he could see the birds flying around the trees, he then burst out his wings. As he glided more toward the ground, he started to flap his wings. Once he landed he started off toward the investigation center where Jett would be, Jay could just picture his father waving at Nevaeh and him when they returned. He pictured his father shooing them inside to get some cookies and cider.

Lost in his daydream, he didn’t realize that a white-winged girl stood in front of him until she slapped him. “Hey!” Jay exclaimed, “What was that for?”

A little girl stood in front of Jay, her silky blond hair flowing all around her little white wings. Her white tunic had pink embroidery around the neckline and the bottom of the tunic. She wore black leggings and white flats, her golden tan outlining her outfit. Jay caught something glinting in the setting sunlight, it was a necklace. Silver chain with a charm that looked like an eye, the gem in the middle looked like a dull black with a swirl of dark blue in it. It reminded him of the necklace that Nevaeh wore. 

Then it hit him.

It looked exactly like the necklace Nevaeh always wore.

Sorry for the shorter chapter

1453 words

[absurdthirst]

Blooming Passion {Javier Peña x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5.8k

Warnings: Dub con due to sex pollen, mentions of masturbation, oral sex (male receiving), vaginal sex, unprotected sex, mentions of violence, cream pie, mentions of violence. 

Comments: While working on the ranch, Javi encounters a plant he’s never seen before, and he saw a lot of drug plants in the DEA. When then pollen sac bursts in his face, Javi finds himself in an uncomfortable situation. And you, the lovely housekeeper just happen to be there when he gets home to take care of it. 

A/N: Happy birthday to the wonderful @storiesofthefandomlovers !!!! You are a true gift and a wonderful friend! I thought it fitting to continue to gift you sex pollen on your birthday! Love you!

|| MasterList ||

gif credit @pedropascalsx​

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

Javi’s eyes widen and the air is punched from his lungs. The inky black of his pupils blow wide, turning the ring of hickory hued iris into a sliver of color as they dilate. Letting in as much light as they possibly can as he seems to float in the air. His body burning as shock floods his system. 

“Fuck.” 

****

Panting, Javi jabs the shovel into the dry, hard packed earth. Straightening up and pressing his hand to the small of his back with a groan as his other arm comes up to wipe the beading sweat off his brow. The heat of the Texas sun was beating down on him and making the distance a shimmering haze. 

Fuck, he is getting old. The ache in his back is the result of the ever laborious job of trying to keep this ranch cobbled together with mended fences, blood and sweat mixed with tears. He can’t imagine how tired his pop was every night. He had held on here alone while Javi was off chasing bad guys, catching Escobar before deciding that he was done. 

Looking back at the hole he had dug, he sighs and turns to trudge back to the pitted and dirty work truck. The thing was ancient, one that his dad had managed to keep running since he was a teenager. Javi had offered to buy another truck, he had a fair amount of savings from his time with the DEA, but Chucho was just as stubborn as his son and had said no. The damn thing runs and that’s what counts out here on the Peña ranch. 

Grunting as he lifts a fence post, his eyes wander over towards the river automatically. It was hard to pretend to ignore the boats that were crossing the muddied waters of the Rio Grande. To pretend he didn’t know that these are drug mules, moving cocaine to their US counterparts before scurrying back to Mexico for the next shipment. 

Closing his eyes, he reminds himself that it’s not his problem anymore. As long as they didn’t come onto his land - or his father’s land - they could do whatever the hell they wanted. He was tired of trying to fight a war that was hopeless. Tired of losing friends, tired of being blocked by bureaucracy and bullshit. It was why he was no longer Javier Peña, DEA - instead resuming his role as a rancher. 

It was completely by accident, his eyes opening and landing on a random patch of land that was normally hidden from view from the fence line where he was working. A cluster of plants that were far too green to be native to the dusty scrub brush and patchy grass. The most luscious areas were right along the banks of the river and it was mostly weeds. This was a vivid, almost forest green along with a bright coral bloom. Something that he might have found when he was trekking through the jungles in Colombia. 

Eyes narrowed, Javi drops the fence post onto the ground and his first instinct is to scan the entire area again. Searching for someone watching, someone with an AK pointed at him. His hand automatically goes to his hip, reaching for the gun that isn’t there. Some ranchers wore holsters, but he had purposefully kept his firearms to a single rifle on the seat of the truck. 

Looking down when he doesn’t feel the weapon, he scoffs at himself and reaches up to remove his sunglasses with his glove covered hand to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. He wasn't. Still he creeps forward. There’s no one here, he doesn’t sense anyone around. In Colombia there were plenty of times that he had this weird tingling sensation that told him that he was about to enter a world of shit. The ‘spidey senses’ that Steve had joked about. Jokes aside, that shit was real. 

He’s identified plenty of coca plants, burned fields of them in hopes of stopping a fraction of the export of cocaine from Escobar’s labs. It hadn’t even put a dent in things. This, however, wasn’t a plant that he was familiar with. Nothing at least that was in the DEA archives of plants used to make various narcotics. 

It’s pretty, whatever it is. The coral pods are a vivid hue and seem to get brighter as he creeps closer. Mistaking it for the shimmering haze of the hot day, he doesn’t realize it’s the equivalent of an ecological warning sign flashing. 

Maybe it’s just a new plant. After all, shit gets carried along the Rio Grande every day, seeds aren’t beyond the realm of possibility. He relaxes slightly, leaning in and humming to himself as he pulls out a pocket knife. He’ll cut one of the pods and show his pops, ask the old man if he’s seen the plants growing before. 

Exploding in his face, the pod bursts open and coats his face in dust. Deep coral dust clinging to his skin and being inhaled in a great, surprised lungful. No matter how hard he coughed or wheezed, the dust enters his lungs and his bloodstream. When it hits…..It’s instantaneous.

Javi’s eyes widen and the air is punched from his lungs. The inky black of his pupils blow wide, turning the ring of hickory hued iris into a sliver of color as they dilate. Letting in as much light as they possibly can as he seems to float in the air. His body burning as shock floods his system. 

“Fuck.” 

****

The truck barrels up the rough, dusty road towards the house. Bouncing and slamming back onto the path as the engine roars in an attempt to get to the low, wide ranch house. To the safety within and relative privacy it offers. 

Skidding to a stop and throwing gravel up, Javi barely slams the gear shift into park before turning the key. Not bothering to pull it out and pocket it, he leaves the keys dangling in the engine. No one is going to steal the truck, not in front of his pop’s house nearly three miles from anyone else’s and a half mile from the main road. 

Jumping out and groaning with his hands already fumbling with his belt. Needing to relieve the insistent pressure of his cock that is making him nearly bent over as he tries to hurry to the door. 

He needs to cum. Feeling like he is about to explode, even the friction of the rough denim is making his cock leak and soak into the fabric. His skin feels like it’s on fire and he whimpers at the way it grinds against his cock. 

Never feeling this fucking horny before, not even when hormones were raging as a pubescent teenager has he ever been this fucking hard. If he weren’t forty fucking years old, he would pull his cock out and jerk off into the dirt right now. 

Instead, he’s skipping the second step on the stairs to the porch and rushing through the always unlocked door of the Peña main house. Not even noticing the bag that is set on the entry table, your car at ol’ man Pete’s shop again. 

You come by a couple of times a month. Every week twice a week, but Javi sees you a couple of times a month. He was shocked that his pop had finally given in and hired a housekeeper or cleaner or whatever you wanted to call yourself - to come in and take something off the old man’s plate. Cleaning the house and taking care of whatever laundry was laying about. He had told Javi that it was nice to have the help, although the two men still cleaned up after themselves and did laundry when you weren’t coming by. 

It’s why he finds you in the bathroom, kneeling down and bent over the tub, the thin material of your skirt pulled over your ass and the soft fabric flowing down into your crack to give him a perfect view of your cheeks. 

“Fuck.” He hisses, making you whirl around in surprise, eyes widening at the sight of Javi with his pants already pushed down and his cock in his hand in anticipation of being able to jerk off while an icy cold shower tries to cool the fire under his skin. 

“Oh!” You quickly whip your head back around and cover the side of your face with your gloved hand, sponge still in your grip. “I- I’m sorry, I- I’ll let you…have some privacy.” 

Javi groans, a low, pained sound and he can’t help but give himself a quick tug, squeezing the base of his cock so he doesn’t just cum at the x-rated pictures flooding his mind. You turning around and taking him into your mouth like he was in a porno. He would cum within seconds. Hell he might still cum right now. 

“I-I’m sor-ry.” Javi grunts, aware that this is wrong on so many different levels but he doesn’t care. All he can think about is how he needs to cum. “Fuck.” He hisses, stroking his cock again before you can even ask him what he is sorry for. “I can’t- it hurts.” 

Your back is to him but he doesn’t try to stop, doesn’t try to tuck himself away. Instead a whimper escapes his lips when he pulls his hand away for a moment, spitting in his hand to give himself some slickness and the lewd groan when he wraps his hand around his cock again. Desperate to feel the relief from the intense ache of his balls. Watching as you turn towards him and your jaw drops open in shock again. 

“Jav-”

“I-I’m fucking sorry.” He groans out, not stopping even though he knows that he should. He can't. His head tilts back so he doesn’t have to see the disgust in your eyes. Pretty sure that he will have to explain to his pop why you quit later on. 

His eyes close, brow pinched in concentration, the slick sounds of his hand moving over his cock and his loud groans covering any kind of movement on your part. He doesn’t hear you toss down the scouring pad you were using on the tub or peeling off your gloves. He doesn’t hear you move. 

Wet heat and pressure suddenly surrounds the head of his leaking cock, a firm press of something against the slit has him yelping and looking down. You’re still on your knees, but know you are in front of him. And just like out of that porno, you are all doe eyes, looking up at him with your lips wrapped around the head of his cock like it’s a fucking treat to suck his cock. 

“I- fuck….” Javi can’t even voice the words in question. Too absorbed in the feeling of your mouth around him and how good it feels. His hand moves down his shaft, to the base and he groans again when your lips follow to take him deeper. “God, I love it.” Your hand reaches up and cradles his balls and the pressure of your tongue makes him whimper and his stomach heaves. 

You just moan around him, apparently aware of what you are doing to him, making the base of his spine tingled in anticipation of cumming. He’s going to. Two fucking seconds of you sucking him off and he’s about to explode. “Shit- I’m-” With a strangled groan, he starts pumping his cum down your throat in hot ropes, not even able to breathe from the intensity. 

He watches in amazement as you swallow it all. None of it escapes your lips and you are a fucking godsend. The fact that you are on your knees in a bathroom that smells like a hospital doesn’t even matter right now. All that matters is that you are here and apparently completely okay with the fact that you just gave him the best blowjob of his life. 

Still, he’s not done. His cock still throbs and it’s not from cumming. It’s from needing to cum again. He gasps and his hips jerk forward and he thrusts into your mouth since you are still holding him there. “I - it burns.” He whines, reaching down and gripping your jaw to try to pull himself away from you, knowing it’s the right thing to do. He shouldn’t have done this at all, what’s wrong with him?

Your hands are on his hips, holding them and he doesn’t resist when you pull away to gasp for air, even if he didn’t have the strength to do it himself. “Fuck me.” You pant, making his eyes spring wide and dart down to you on the floor. 

“W-what?” He chokes out, not expecting that response. He had been expecting something far different, more in line with telling him what a fucking asshole he is. 

Your hand wraps around his cock and his head tilts back as you start to slowly pump him. It’s not enough for him to cum, but it helps the fire in his belly, the feeling of your hand making spurts of pre-cum bead up on the tip again. “You need to cum, Javi.” You purr, a low, sultry tone that he’s never heard before. It’s something straight from an x-rated dream and he nods drunkenly in agreement. He does need to cum. “So fuck me.” 

You don’t have to ask him twice. His need to be buried inside you outweighs the disappointment when he pulls your hand away from his cock. Your cunt will be better than your hand, than your incredible mouth. “Fuck, you- you’re perfect.” He groans, pulling you up and off the floor, out of the bathroom and down the few feet to the door of his bedroom. He kicks the door open and rushes inside before slamming it shut. The last thing he needs is for his pops to walk in. He might be a grown man, but he doesn’t want to explain why he’s acting like a randy teenager right now.

Getting undressed is a blur, a whirlwind of need and flying clothes. Pretty sure that he ripped something but he doesn’t give a shit. His overheated skin is not even cooled by the absence of the fabrics, skin still itching to be touched. He feels like he’s been drugged, like there's some kind of ecstasy in his system, although he knows ecstasy isn’t produced from that plant. 

Normally he would take some time, make sure that the woman he was with is ready or even offer to wear a condom, but there's no time right now. Your thighs part in welcome as you lay back on his bed - the queen replacing the twin bed he had when he was boy when he came back home - and he’s quickly between them. 

He doesn’t even stop to admire the wetness of your folds, obviously turned on from sucking his cock. The need to bury himself inside you is too great to worry about that right now. When he’s exhausted and finally empty of this clawing need inside him, he will make sure to memorize the way your swollen cunt looks. Later, much later. 

Javi cries out in relief when his cock notches at your entrance and pushes inside you, quickly bottoming out in your body and grinding deeper, as if he could work just a fraction of an inch more into your welcoming heat. Clenching his fists as they are perched by your head and finally giving in and reaching down to lift your leg up onto his hip so he can get deeper. 

Your own cry is making his blood sing, turning his head and pressing his lips to yours. He doesn’t care that you had just had his cum in your mouth. He doesn’t care that the salty, bitter taste lingers on your tongue. He just cares about absorbing as much of you as he can. His cock throbs inside you and his body shudders when your tongue flicks against his own. 

He’s frantic when he starts to move. No smooth and practiced swivels of his hips. He just moves, fucking into you like a boy who has just popped his cherry and is afraid the girl will push him away. His hands move, roaming over your body and gripping your hip before sliding under your back to pull you closer. 

Every thrust comes with a groan, wrecked and loud as he rocks into you. The hot grip of your cunt feels like heaven and it pushes him closer to the sweet relief of orgasm with every flutter. Trying to make himself hold out long enough that you might experience some pleasure from this, although it’s hard when it feels like your walls are trying to squeeze him for every drop of cum. 

The fact that he’s lasted five minutes seems to be a miracle. His pants echoing in your ear and he feels every moan you let out vibrating into his very bones. “So good, oh fuck Javi, you’re so good.” You whimper, making his dick even harder. 

You fucking beg him for more. Your nails scrape down his back, making him hiss as his hips snap forward. Making him groan and bite his lips while he tries to give you what you want. Rushing headlong into another orgasm with a loud hiss of pleasure while he buries his cock deep and floods your womb with heat. 

Toes curling against the sheets, he keeps rocking. Shallow thrusts that push his cum out to slide down your skin every time his cock plunges back into you. Still you keep holding him close, urging him on in a way that makes him want to just stay inside you, so he does. 

“Wan - wanted you since I - I first saw you.” He confesses, kissing along your jaw, addicted to the way your skin tastes when you're sweaty and turned on. It’s easy to keep kissing your body when you arch up into him every time he fills you. Your moans seem to beg him for it and your sighs when he gives in spurs him on. 

“Y-yeah?” You ask breathlessly, your giggle in his ear making him turn and press his lips to yours, readjusting his knees so he can push into you more forcefully after being slightly lazy during the slow cadence of his orgasm. 

“Yeah.” He grunts. “Fucking skirt drove me crazy.” He remembers watching your ass nearly the entire time, making sure you didn’t catch him. It’s a nice ass, he’s definitely jerked off over it. His arm pushes down so he can grab a handful of it and he squeezes it with a grin while he’s buried in your cunt. 

Still, that fire twists in his belly and he rolls his hips again to have your walls drag against his cock. By now, he would be smoking a cigarette, but his body won’t let him rest. The slick sounds of your pussy pushing out his cum are loud, obscene and he loves it. 

“Good.” Your legs wrap around his waist and he moans when you lock your ankles around his back and your muscles squeeze him. “Want you to fuck me, Javi. Knew you’d be so good at it.” You praise, causing him to preen in satisfaction. “Make me cum.” 

He does. Hard, deep thrusts that would push you up the bed if it weren’t for the firm hold he has on you makes the mattress springs creak and the bed frame hit the wall. Bam…Bam…Bam… it’s a rhythm all of its own. One that he knows better than any other besides stroking his cock and he likes this better. 

One hand leaves his shoulder, reaching up and wrapping around the slate of the headboard, hanging onto it and making your tits bounce even more. Javi groans and it just makes him push harder, deeper inside you and watching as your eyes roll back every time his cock drills deep. 

The slapping of skin gets louder. His thighs hurt from where they are hitting the back of yours but he doesn’t care. Nothing matters but the way he feels every time he slides against the resistance of your walls and breaks you back open. Nestled deep in your body like he wants to live there. Maybe he does. Maybe he will sleep inside you when he’s drained off all of the energy. 

“Jav- Javi.” Your strangled cry catches him off guard, too wrapped up in the silken heat of your cunt. Right until molted waves of your pleasure coat him and your hold on him turns to iron. Your eyes are closed and your mouth is open with a wordless cry that he drinks in greedily. 

You cumming throws him over the edge again. Pulling you close and rocking into you frantically while he races towards another burst of pleasure. Panting out your name while his body stiffens, another agonizingly sweet release making his entire being feel like he’s flying. 

This time, Javi collapses on top of you, even though he’s still hard. Still feeling like he’s not spent or satisfied. He groans and kisses your neck while you hum and your hand strokes his back soothingly. 

“Holy fuck.” Javi pants, eyes closed and mouth slack as he tries to catch his breath. “I- fuck, I’m still hard.” He complains, wondering what the fuck was in that flower. It was nearly lethal, he was going to die of a fucking heart attack trying to fuck it out of his system. He just knows it. 

You giggle under him and he rolls off of you, bringing you with him about halfway as he flops onto his back. He reaches for you again. “Ride me.” He begs, wanting to see you bounce on his cock and he needs to slide back inside you again. His hands grab whatever he can reach of you, groaning when he squeezes your breast. 

“You want me to ride you?” You tease, making him huff and nod, willing to beg to get you on top of him if he needs to at this point. 

“Yes.” He grumbles, as if that is a stupid question, because it is. “Please, baby, need you to ride me.” Javier Peña has never begged for sex a day in his damn life and he is begging now. He would beg for you. “Please.” 

You show him mercy, thank God. Swinging your leg over his waist and reaching down to wrap your hand around his cock so you can sink down on him. His legs tense and his toes curl as you take him again. This time he gets to watch the lips of your cunt stretch around his shaft and he’s entranced by the sight. 

You put your hands on his chest and he hisses when you pinch his nipples, scowling even though you are grinning at him. It felt weird, but not in a horrible way. More like he was unused to someone touching him like that. He liked it, if the way his dick twitched inside you was any indication. 

“Ohhhhh.” Your grin gets even wider, obviously enjoying his reaction he reaches out to slap your ass until you do a little figure-eight grind on his cock and his eyes roll back. “You like that, don’t you?” You coo and he can’t even deny it. 

“L-love it.” He groans, holding onto your hips and trying to urge you to repeat that move. He could cum just from you grinding your pussy down on his cock and he knows it has to do something for you. 

His hand glides over your hip, across your tummy to rest over your mound. He’s not so far gone that he doesn’t want you to have a good time as well. He loves sex, loves making a woman cum. It didn’t matter that most of the women he’s slept with in the last few years were ones that he paid. 

The rough pad of his thumb finds your clit and with every swivel of your hips, he makes sure that your clit is circled. Needing to feel how tight your cunt can get when you let go again, when the hot juices of your pleasure completely coat him and make a mess of his cock. Just the thought makes another painful lurch of his stomach and his hips respond by bucking up into you. 

“Javi…oh fuck Javi.” Your mouth falls open and he shudders while he desperately tries not to blow too soon. The fire in his veins still overwhelms his system, but he needs this as much as he needs to fill you up with another spurt of his cum to leak and be fucked out of you. You’re surrounding him, squeezing him tight every time your thighs lift you off him and he can’t wait to drag you back down although you seem happy to bounce on his cock. “Wanted this for so long.” You gasp out. 

He groans, eyes closing and his lip curls up in pleasure while he struggles with keeping calm. Your words make him even more desperate, biting his lip between his teeth and moaning again when you lean down to trap his hand against your clit and your breasts press against his chest. 

Your lips, fuck your lips are magical. Running along his jaw and the shock of your teeth makes his dick twitch inside you again, feeling the spurt of pre-cum burst out and his free hand slides up your back to grip the back of your neck. Your pace is nice, but he needs more. 

Surging up, Javi drills his cock into you. Making the bed bounce so hard that there is a fair chance that he will break the damn thing. Not that he gives a fuck. The only thing that he cares about is the cloudy haze of pleasure that covers your eyes and the way that every punch of his cock makes his body hum in excitement as he pulls another moan out of your mouth. 

The sharp slap of his hips and the way your body jolts accompanies the growls and curses that hiss out from between his teeth. Nearly unhinged as your mewls get louder, filling the house no doubt and the look in your eyes is wild while you try to push down on him. 

The pressure on his chest makes him grunt, working even harder to fuck up into you. Not even breathing he’s jerking his hips up so fast with every thrust pulling his ass up off the bed and both of you bounce back down. “F-fuck.” He growls out, his grip on your neck tight and he drags you down to press your lips to his. Needing them mashed together while his thumb still rubs your swollen little nub. 

Your cries against his lips are music to his year, accompanying the torrent of slick heat that makes his thrusts wetter, louder. “Good girl.” He moans, loving the way that his thrusts falter at how tight you are squeezing and shaking above him. “Good girl.” 

Moments are suspended like hours, seemingly lasting forever while he keeps moving. Rushing towards his own peak and hopefully finding some relief from the fever in his blood. Thrusting and groaning, his eyes slide shut, losing sight of your beautiful face poised in pleasure. 

“Gonna - fuck-” He can’t even talk, breathless and completely focused on cumming. His body knows what to do, even if his mind is still blank to everything but making sure he was buried as deep as he can go in your body. Your lips press against his again and again while he rips his hand out from your clit and wraps it around your body, holding you tight while he stiffens under you. 

It’s like he’s dying. Seemingly tearing himself apart at the seams while he pours himself into you. It's the most intense orgasm he’s ever had in his life, even beating the previous ones. Drowning in the feeling of pleasure and every nerve in his body firing has him feeling nearly lightheaded. 

Panting as you collapse against him and feeling his body relax for the first time in hours. The heat now just a warm hum of satisfaction and fatigue that leaves him unable to move while he tries to catch his breath. His arms fall away from you and with a whimper of overstimulation, you pull off of his softening cock and fall onto the sheets beside him. 

Javi hums, hearing you let out a giggle that sounds close to a sob as he craves a cigarette with an intensity that he hasn’t felt in a while. He had quit when he came back to Texas. Stuck with the gum until he had felt those needs for nicotine slowly dissipate. 

He wants to tell you that it was amazing. Explain what had just happened and why he had been so desperate, but he can’t even move. Too content now that his body has finally cooled down and the sheen of sweat actually feels cool as the fan whirls overhead. He hums again and he feels himself start to drift away, his breathing starting to even out and his heart rate slowing down. 

His next breath is a slight sigh. That plant packs one hell of a defensive punch. 

****

“Javi! Javi, come on!” Your voice makes him frown. It sounds so frantic, worried. He didn’t hurt you, did he?

His eyes feel heavy and it’s a struggle to open them. They don’t want to open after the soul stealing sex the two of you have just had. Relaxed to the point that his entire body feels like lead and he tries to lift his hand but he just can’t. 

“Jav, man, open your eyes.” Steve’s voice breaks in, warmer - but still urgent. “You’re worrying us here.” The breezy little chuckle he gives is all for show, something that he is fully aware of. 

“Wha-” are you doing here? It’s what he tries to say, but his tongue feels heavy, something that has never happened after sex. No way in hell would Steve ever be in the room when he’s having sex. Or in Texas on his pop’s ranch. 

“Don’t worry,” Javi feels a hand on his shoulder and opens his eyes slightly, wincing at the bright light and immediately closing them again. The pat is reassuring and his mind sluggishly tries to compute. “We got the bastard that shot you.” Steve’s voice is stiff, angry and upset in that thick hillbilly accent of his. 

Shot him? What the fuck is Steve talking…..

Javi gasps, his body twitching as the past few hours come rushing back to him. Chasing the sicarios through the streets and over the rooftops. Panting and cursing as he jumps from precarious metal roof to metal roof. Hearing you and Steve shouting from your own positions, your own targets being run down. 

Until he messed up. LaQuica turned and squeezed off a shot. Hitting him and causing him to tumble off the roof. Thinking that he was dead as your scream of his name was the last thing that he remembered. 

Now his eyes flutter open again, hazy and under sedation before they start to slowly clear. Seeing you and Steve hovering over him with looks of relief on your faces, like you hadn’t expected to see him again. Or at least have him opening his eyes again. “H-hey.” He croaks out, followed by a small groan and a cough as some of the pain bleeds through the drugs he’s been given. 

“Jesus Christ, Peña.” You moan out quietly in relief, dropping down into the chair that is beside his bed and he realizes you are holding his hands, giving it a squeeze. “Don’t ever fucking scare me like that again.” 

Steve chuckles, patting his shoulder again before the blonde runs his hand through his hair, already sticking up in multiple directions as if he had been pulling it for hours. “Should have seen it, Jav.” He glances over at you with a grin. “She’s the one who took out Otto and she got to you so quickly you’d have thought she was flying over those rooftops.” 

“Just call me Wonder Woman.” You huff, giving a thin smile. 

It’s said as a joke, but you had been terrified that you couldn’t get to Javi in time. Screaming at Steve to call for an ambulance while you got to Javi, thanking God he was still alive. The next few hours were both a blur and ticking by so slowly. Pacing in the waiting room after your partner had been rushed behind the double doors they had stopped you at, anxious and praying that you didn’t hear the news that you didn’t want to hear. That Otto hadn’t taken Javier Peña’s life. 

His dark eyes find you biting your lip, looking slightly embarrassed yet unapologetic. He can’t blame you. He would have done the exact same if he had been in your shoes. Except that he now knows that the memories of the past few hours aren’t real. He’s not in Texas, laying in his bed after being exposed to some powerful pollen that made him take out every fantasy he’s ever had on your body. 

No, he was apparently dreaming under the effects of whatever drugs they pumped into his system while they operated on him. Javi starts to chuckle darkly to himself, leaning back against the pillow and closes his eyes. He knows his partners will think that it’s just relief that he’s alive, rather than it being frustration. Frustration at realizing that he’s never touched you, that it was all a dream. One that he wishes he was still in. 

[xoxo-teddybear]

Good Boy Gone Bad - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: SMUT, cursing, sub!Bakugou, mommy kink, breeding, NSFW, characters are aged up!

Summary: He’s usually so obedient in the bedroom. Katsuki’s always had control outside your sex lives but once you both hit that bed for a fun night, he was like putty in your hands. Except after a day spent with you at the park and seeing some things, something snaps in him and he’s no longer your obedient good boy.

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

“F-Fuck! Fucking hell, please baby!”

Katsuki whined from under you as you rode him into next week. His eyes were rolling to the back of his head and the blush of his face grew a new shade of red everytime you sunk down on his large cock. You already had him cum twice and he was getting a little sensitive, yet he refused to stop.

“God! M-more! More, Mommy please!” He sobbed. His mind was in pure ecstasy as your tight cunt wrapped around him and milked him for everything he had. You were getting sensitive and a little tired but the sound of your Suki’s begging kept you going.

“Awe, you want Mommy to make you cum, baby?” You asked as you leaned down to his ear as you rode his length even harder.

“Please! Fuck please! Wanna fill you with cum!” He cried out. His words brought a blush to your face. Out of nowhere, his hands took control and wrapped themselves around you as he bounced you up and down himself while thrusting up into you. You were so close and normally under different circumstances you wouldn’t allow this, but the need to cum was becoming unbearable. You let him do as he pleased until you began to cry out.

“S-Shit! Suki! Right there right there! I’m- Ah! I’m gonna cum!” You moaned as Katsuki picked up his pace to an ungodly speed, hitting your g-spot perfectly until you came all over him. He fucked you through your orgasm, slowing down his speed when he noticed you growing tired. Despite that, he kept thrusting up every now and then, finally filling you with a third load. You both laid fucked out with heavy breaths. Taking in the calm feeling of the quiet was short-lived when Katsuki suddenly pumped into you. “Ah! K-Katsuki?”

All of a sudden he flipped you onto your back and began mercilessly plow into you. You arched your back in a mix of pain and pleasure, feeling completely overstimulated. You had to believe he was feeling the same way as you looked up at him. His tongue hanging out of his mouth with his head thrown back and his eyes rolled as he fucked into you. He was already fucked stupid and yet he still kept going.

“M-More! Fuck- wanna fill you up with cum!” He cried out as he let his head drop next to yours. You could feel him throbbing inside you as you tugged on his blonde locks.

“S-Suki! N-No, bad!” You mumbled out, trying to get him to give you a break. Anymore and you swore you would’ve passed out. You waited for him to follow orders but that time never came. Was he disobeying you? Looks like mommy’s good boy has gone bad. “S-stop! Fuck- oh! Please!”

“C-..Can’t! Oh fuck baby! Fuck- fuck I wanna baby with you! Make you a real mommy!” He moaned. Your eyes opened wide at that. He wants a baby? He wants to be a dad? Before you could even register what was going on in his mind, he sat up again and gripped your hips. As he thrusted into you he pulled your waist down to meet his hips, creating an intensive feeling of pleasure.

It was clear he was focused on one thing. Knocking you up. Making you a real mommy. He wanted a family with you and he was gonna get it.

‘Breed her! Fill her up! Give her a brat!’ These thoughts were the only thing running through his mind. ‘Breed, breed, breed.’

“Shit! M-Mommy! So close! So close- fuck I’m gonna cum!” He held your waist tighter, leaving bruises, as your arch became violent. His thrust sped up intensely until..

They stopped.

And a flow of heat surged through your body as sensational tingles hit every inch of you. You felt his heavy load of hot cum fill you up as Katsuki cried out and moaned your name over and over again like it was the only thing he knew. You both remained still as you came down from your highs while Katsuki gave a few thrusts to ensure his cum reached deep enough inside of you.

“Fuck…fuck I love you Y/N….” As Katsuki allowed his body to lay atop of your own, he continued to whisper copious amounts of love into your ear. He remained inside you, enjoying the feeling of your warmth, wanting to make sure you remained plugged and full of his cum.

After sitting in a relaxing silence for a few minutes, your husband finally pulled out, hissing at the cold air hitting his member. He cuddled up next to you, wrapping your exhausted body in the warmth of his powerful arms, kissing your temple. Before you allowed yourself to relish in his love, you turned around and cuddled into his chest, tucking your head under his chin. You kissed the center of his chest before whispering a small ‘I love you,’ and dozing off after the intensive sex.

Katsuki couldn’t fall asleep as easily. No, he was too excited with what was hopefully to come. As he pulled you in closer and held you a little tighter, he couldn’t stop the smile that reached his lips as he rested a hand over your belly. As he rubbed his thumb along your smooth skin, he thought back to your date earlier in the park.

—

“Suki! C’mon!” Your cheerful voice said as you sat at the picnic blanket. Katsuki was headed your way with the napkins in hand, the item he forgot to grab, as he looked across the lake. A little family played together. A mother holding a baby girl as she laughed at her husband who was tackled to the ground by his two sons. The sight was…comforting.

His heart seemed to ache for the feel of kids surrounding him that way. Sure, as a pro hero, Katsuki got plenty of attention from little kids who looked up to him, but this would be different. If he were to have kids, it would be his own flesh and blood admiring him. His little baby looking up to him. His little baby that would be made out of the love he had for you. All of a sudden, a vision came to mind. You, him, a big house, a big yard, two, maybe three kids, and a dog. One big happy family.

At a young age, Katsuki only had one goal. Become the number one pro hero. Then he met you and found a new goal. Marry you and make you his forever. Both goals already achieved and he thought he couldn’t be happier. But he was wrong. Because now he has a new goal. Start a family with you. A happy family. That would be his final life-changing goal.

“Suki!” You called as you ran up to him and tugged at his arm, snapping him out of his daze. “Are you okay, love?”

He smiled at the name you gave him before holding onto the side of your face gently and placing a sweet kiss to your lips. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay Teddy Bear.”

“Did you find what you were looking for?” You asked as you took his hand and began walking with him to the blanket. You both sat down in front of the spread of delicious food Katsuki prepared for you both and got comfortable.

“Yeah, I did.” He said calmly with a small smile. You smiled as well but raised a brow at his quiet behaviour.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Suki? You look like you have something on your mind.” You said as you leaned into his side and rested your head on his shoulder. He smiled at you before kissing your hairline and leaning his head on your own.

“No, I’m fine, really babe. It’s just-…how would you feel about getting a dog?”

Taglist: @sxcker4you @aomi04 @tessabrown101 @ebiharachan @is-this-ash @iris-shihabi @sxturn-stars @isolight @lanantoine @whatdidshesayyy @qtsuki

[highqueenofelfhame]

Follow my writing blog @highqueenofelfhamewrites! Turn on post notifs there for more reliable updates, i don’t do a tag list anymore! Sorry folks. Master list is on my pinned post (use the google doc version if the other doesn’t work.)

Part one

Rowan could tell when Aelin was screening his calls. He could tell when she was busy with work around her family’s multi-million dollar company because it would ring through to her voicemail— words he could recite like a script by now.

Hi! You’ve missed me, which is horribly sad for you, but if you leave a message maybe you’ll be lucky enough for a call back.

Rowan never was.

He could tell when she saw it was him calling and chose to reject the call, sending him to the void of her mailbox. Every call went unreturned, every text he was quite sure was deleted as soon as it appeared on her screen. There had even been a handful of times that he’d knocked on her apartment door, each thud of his fist echoing into the sound of the television beyond. Once, he thought maybe she was going to answer, the door knob jingling like she’d wrapped her fingers around it and prepared to pull. Yet her soft footsteps had retreated. There was no getting through the golden girl who had poured fire and sunlight into his life after spending so much time sulking in shadow.

The worst part of all of it was that she couldn’t have been more wrong about their relationship, his feelings for her, about every bit of it. She had sent him away before he could protest and though he knew he’d had a moment to try, Rowan was also sure more than anything she wouldn’t have believed a single word out of his mouth. Instead of lazing in bed with Aelin the last few weeks, he had managed to endure the radio silence with nothing but a brooding attitude and shattered heart while he trudged through his days.

So when he spotted her coming out of her favorite coffee shop early in the morning, blissfully sipping the iced caramel macchiato that she had every day, Rowan had bolted across four lanes of traffic without a second thought of what he was doing. Car horns blared and brakes screeched as he ran, one car coming so close to hitting him that his hands slammed onto the hood of the car while he mouthed an apology he didn’t mean. He would have gladly let that car hit him if it’d gotten her attention. It said plenty about his desperation that he was willing to lose life and limb just to have her simply look at him.

“Aelin!” he shouted once, twice, four times while he jogged down the sidewalk. Bewildered eyes tracked the seemingly crazed man while he chased the woman down. A police officer had even taken notice, following at a brisk pace that Rowan was oblivious to. He was close enough to hear the click of her heels down the cement while she dutifully ignored every syllable of her name that exploded from his lips.

“Aelin!” he shouted one more time. Heads turned their way the same time his hand wrapped around her bicep and jolted her to a stop.

In her surprise, the grip on her cup tightened and the lid popped off, sloshing a chilly espresso drink down her bare legs and into her shoes. Rowan was sure he would have to grovel for ruining the patent black heels, but it would be worth it if she would just listen to him.

“Rowan,” she said, shock lacing her tone as she pulled an earbud free and looked down at her stained skirt and soaked toes. A frown had tugged her lips into a frown as the officer caught up with them, hand going to Rowan’s chest like he intended to put space between them.

“Is everything okay, miss?”

“I— what? Yes. Of course. Thank you.” Her voice was vacant but dismissive while she waved her hand nonchalantly, eyes not leaving the ground. The officer looked skeptical but finally distanced himself by trailing a few feet away. As annoying as it was, there was a surge of comfort knowing if he had been some creep, someone would have stepped in for her sake.

“You can’t drop some bomb like that and then ghost me.” Sure, there were more delicate ways to put it but Rowan was beyond that. With her eyes still averted to her feet, frustration was boiling under his skin. What the hell was it going to take to get her to look at him? Just as he was willing to kneel at her feet to catch her eyes, she looked up at him with that frown pulling even tighter.

“There’s coffee in my shoes.”

“I’ll buy you some new godsdamn shoes if you’ll look at me for five minutes and let me talk.”

“And then you’ll leave me alone?”

“If that’s still what you want when I’m finished, yes. I’ll buy your shoes and leave you alone.”

Aelin’s mouth twisted to the side while she thought. Despite the offer, Rowan could see the hesitation in her eyes, that golden core of her iris flickering like a flame.

“Fine,” she said, finally. Her arms crossed over her chest, freshly painted black nails digging into the white button down shirt she wore. “You have five minutes or less. I have to get to work.”

The tone of her voice was strong and tense, but the anxious bouncing of her foot and the way she was wiggling her fingers along her biceps to a melody only she could hear. It was a habit, he noticed, that when she got anxious she would drum her fingers along to the Stygian Suite to keep her emotions at bay. He wished she wouldn’t.

“You are… I’m so mad at you, Aelin.”

“You’re making really good use of your five minutes, I—“

“Would you let me speak?” Aelin’s mouth snipped shut, jaw popping from the tense lock.

“I’m so mad at you. For about a hundred different reasons but mostly thinking you could tell me you were in love with me and then not letting me have a single word in. For telling me you love me and making me leave in a way that I knew if I stayed to fight it would only make it worse. And then as if that wasn’t enough, you stopped talking to me. Stopped taking my calls. Stopped answering the door. Told Aedion to stop giving me updates about you because I didn’t deserve to know. Which is so much bullshit, by the way.”

“Do you have to yell at me like this in public?” Her voice was soft, eyes downcast at her coffee sodden shoes. Rowan glanced around for the first time, taking in the small crowd that had stopped their busy morning to see what the commotion was about. It was then, with her bottom lip quivering and an audience around them, that he pulled her hands from where they pressed into her arms. Rowan guided them around his waist even though she resisted, then took her face in his hands with heartbreaking gentleness that made one of her tears finally slip free.

“I’m sorry that I yelled,” he said quietly, bending down to kiss another fallen tear. “But, baby, I have been in love with you since I met you. I was just waiting for you to catch up.”

“You love me?”

“If you had just told me like a normal person—“

“Chasing me down the street in downtown Orynth and shouting at me is like a normal person?”

“Desperate times. I almost got hit by a car. You missed the good parts when you had your headphones in.” Instead of laughing like he hoped, Aelin reared back and immediately began to inspect him.

“Hit by a car!? Rowan Matthias!”

“I’m fine.” Aelin huffed, pulling away from him and folding her arms back over her chest. Rowan’s hands slowly fell back to his sides, desperate to hide in his pockets from what felt like a rejection. A stern look that he’d seen several times on her father’s face took over her features, setting them in stone while she tapped a sloshy toe.

“Be that as it may, you got something in your story wrong.”

“Have I, now?”

“You have. See, I never told you that I was in love with you. You jumped to that conclusion all on your own, and—“

Rowan couldn’t help it, he started laughing as the corners of her mouth began to twitch. He took her face back in his hands and leaned down to kiss her, something slow and sweet and full of promises he couldn’t keep in the middle of a busy street.

“Don’t make me drag you home and coax a confession out of you,” he mumbled into her mouth, sweeping his tongue in lazy strokes that he knew she liked on other parts of her body.

Aelin’s lips spread into a full grin as her arms settled around his neck, the remainder of her coffee dribbling down his back and seeping through to his skin. He couldn’t find a single reason to care as she whispered, “I was kind of counting on it.”

[wardenannie]

A lot of baby/pregnancy fic tends to focus on the end of pregnancy/the beginning of the baby’s life. But I wanted to do a little character study into Levi, so here he is over the course of 10 hours after learning Hange is preggo~  (mildly nsfw)

Ao3

10 Hours

Hour 0

 “So...” She faces away from him. Her single eye locked on the sky beyond her window. Hange Zoe, fourteenth Commander of the Survey Corps, will not turn to face him. She is sat at her desk, hands folded on its top. Levi cannot see her expression, but he expects that it is as grim as her tone. 

He braces himself for bad news. 

“I’m pregnant.” 

The birds beyond the window stop singing. The clouds cease their trek across the cerulean sky. Levi’s breath is stuck in his chest, a painful lump between his lungs. 

“Come again?”

This time she does look at him, pinning him to the floor with an emotionless glance over her shoulder. 

“Pregnant. Expecting. Vertically impaired bun in the proverbial oven.” 

The short joke is lost on him. He exhales sharply, like someone punched him in the gut, “Oh.” 

Hange sighs and resumes her staring out the window, “Just think on it. You don’t need to say anything right now.” 

Levi swallows thickly and gladly takes the excuse to exit the room. His head is spinning, heart thundering in his chest. Pregnant. It doesn’t feel real yet. 

He retreats to the relative safety of his quarters. 

Hour 1

Levi punches a hole in his wall with a snarl. Untoward anger radiating through his limbs. 

Sheetrock and plaster rain down, dirtying his pristine floor, further incensing him. He kicks a second hole in the wall, shouting with the impact of his booted heel. More debris falls. 

He paces back and forth, occasionally tugging a hand through his hair. He’s sweating, he feels filthy. 

But he knows that Hange isn’t lying. This is not the sort of sick joke she would pull. But they had been so careful, hadn’t they? 

He replays the penultimate moments of their last few encounters over in his head, and quickly realizes that they haven’t been as careful as he’d thought. There is nothing quite like losing himself in the depths of Hange... Commander Hange. 

Shit. He curses himself and perches on the foot of his bed, resting his head in his hands. 

What the fuck is he supposed to do now? 

Hour 2

Eventually he finds himself spread eagle across his bed. His eyes trace along the wooden grain of the ceiling. His head still spins when he thinks too deeply about anything, and a strange ache has settled into his chest, like a fist around his heart. 

Does he love Hange Zoe? Would it be fair to bring a child into the world if he didn’t? 

They’ve never said the words aloud to one another, but he knows in his heart-of-hearts that he does love her. She anchors him to reality, instills in him a drive to live where there might have only been despair. 

His fists clench and unclench rhythmically in his linens. Levi shuts his slate eyes and breathes deeply, trying to calm and steady himself. 

He is in love with Hange Zoe. He can admit that to himself now, in what feels like the most dire of circumstances. 

But can he love a child? Is there enough room in his heart? 

He rolls onto his side and covers his face with a pillow. 

It still feels unreal. A bad dream playing out before his waking eyes. 

Hour 3

He oscillates back into denial, then anger. 

Who are they to bring a child into this terrible, cruel world? An Eldian child, a scapegoat, a martyr for Marley to string up and burn. 

She has to be lying. Hange cannot possibly be telling him the truth. No Walls, no Gods, no omnipotent powers could be so terribly sordid as to bring an infant into the world now. Not while they are on the brink of war. 

Hour 4

He remembers his childhood; years spent wasting away in a whorehouse. Starving while his mother wasted her ill-gotten wages on booze. Levi was a bastard, fatherless. The only male role-model he’d ever had was Kenny, and look where that had gotten him. 

“I can’t be a father,” he whispers into the dying light of his quarters. 

He doesn’t know how. 

Hour 5

He takes his supper in the mess hall when he would normally eat within the privacy of his quarters. He hopes that the noise might distract, that interacting with his... his kids... might help him to better grasp his current situation. 

The irony of it isn’t lost on him as he sits in silence amongst his young comrades. In a way he has been a father to them where their own had become titan food. 

He watches Sasha scarf her food with abandon, Connie teasing her between his own hearty mouthfuls. He watches Jean roll his eyes at the two of them, then take a moment to proudly pet the patchy stubble that has begun to grow in around his chin. 

Levi listens to Armin excitedly pontificate to Mikasa and Eren about Marlean cuisine and meal customs. Mikasa listens on in contented silence, a small smile on her lips. Eren’s eyes are distant, like he isn’t listening at all. 

Levi wants to smack him on the back of his head. The twerp has been acting up a lot more as of late. Secretly, it worries him. 

His kids. 

Who needs a baby when they have it this good? 

He sighs and looks down to his tray, food untouched. 

They’re Hange’s kids, too. 

Their baby. Theirs. 

Hour 6

He returns to his quarters, stomach tied up in painful knots. He remembers Kenny, how the man had taught him the cruel, ruthless ways of the Underground. 

He remembers Isabel and Furlan. How he had allowed himself to love so selflessly only to be burned and brutalized in the end. What if that happened to Hange? Hange who he had come to rely on more than anything, anyone. Childbirth was a dangerous thing, everyone knew that. Even with the new, fancy anti-biotics being imported from the mainland the risks were high. 

What if he lost her? 

Her remembers Erwin who he had loved as a father, a brother, a martyr and a dear comrade. He remembers his Commander dying on that rooftop in Shiganshina. He remembers the blood. Icy blue eyes cold and dead as Hange peeled back his lids. 

Levi’s stomach rolls and he flips his upper half over the side of the bed and promptly vomits onto the floor. 

Behind his eyes an image has begun to take shape. Hange laid out in bed, naked from the waist down. Bloody, sweaty, weak and dying as a shapeless creatures squalls on her chest. 

“No,” Levi rasps, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

He feels so weak, so helpless in the face of this indominable thing. The sleep that takes him is unbidden and restless. 

Hour 7

Levi dreams of a cabin tucked away amongst the massive boles of the trees beyond wall Rose. Smoke rises from the chimney, filling the crisp forest air with a pleasant, homey smell. 

Sunlight breaks through the canopy and speckles the ground. Everything is bright and beautiful and alive. The simple wooden door of the cabin beckons to him, and he is helpless but to answer its call. 

Inside the space is cozy and quaint. The kitchen and living area inhabiting the same space. Hange is waiting for him, sitting on a small, plush sofa. She isn’t wearing her eye patch, revealing the milky iris and silvery scar she usually guards so carefully. 

“Levi,” she beams at him. For a moment he is stunned by her simple, unkempt beauty. 

He knows he is meant to be anxious over something, but suddenly he cannot remember what it is. 

He sits down beside her takes her face between his hands and kisses her. 

I love you, he wants to admit the truth. He’s ready. But his lips will not part. The words will not pass his tongue. 

When they part Hange’s expression darkens, long shadows falling over her hawkish features. 

“Levi...” she breathes. 

Shadows begin to creep in from the corners of the cabin. The walls suddenly feel as though they are caving in, and suddenly his peaceful dream has become a nightmare. 

“You’re pregnant,” The sound of his own voice is alien and distant in his ears. He feels small. Smaller than usual. Miniscule and helpless. Why can he speak now? 

Hange nods and then the pair of them are besieged by shadows. 

Hour 8

Levi sits bolt upright in his bed, sweat is gathered on his brow and sharp shivers wrack his limbs. He pants and wipes his face with his palm. 

“Fuck,” he curses. 

He’s used to nightmares, but more often than not Hange is in bed beside him waiting to soothe them away. 

Here, in his quarters, he is completely and utterly alone. 

Levi doesn’t want to be alone anymore. 

He tugs on his boots and stumbles out into the hallway, not caring how disheveled he must appear to any passers-by. He wants to be with Hange, he’s cursing himself for leaving her alone to begin with. 

How selfish does that make him? He’s not the one bearing the brunt of this burden. It isn’t his body and life that are at risk. What must she be feeling now? All alone because her lover left her in a fit of selfish upset. 

When he reaches her door he doesn’t bother to knock. It opens with a rush of air and he finds her where he left her; sitting at her desk, gazing out the window. Her elbows rest on the dry ink of a half finished letter. 

“Levi?” She spins sideways in her chair, facing him entirely. 

He shakes his head and closes the distance between them in two easy strides. He seizes her face between his hands and kisses her roughly, because he isn’t good with words, so he’ll show her how he feels. 

“Mmpf!” She makes a noise of surprise, but then she melts into him, hands lifting to rest on his chest, then caressing around to link behind his neck. 

When they part she gives a small, sad smile and says, “I didn’t think I’d see you again tonight.” 

“I was being an idiot,” Levi grunts, and he helps her to her feet. “A selfish idiot.” 

“No you weren’t, Levi. It’s a lot to take in, I know,” her thumb brushes his lower lip. “I love you.” 

Hour 9

The words are difficult to speak, so he shows her out he feels. He shows her in the reverent way he peels her clothes from her body, the rough, desperate caress of his touch, the slide of his thin lips over her chin and collarbones and breasts. 

He holds her hips and kisses from her navel to her abdomen, and he kisses her there too because despite everything he does want this baby. He loves this baby already, because it is him and it is Hange. The best of the both of them taking shape in her womb. 

Levi abandons all gentleness as he makes love to her. It is animal. Primal. His hands will leave bruises on her hips, and his lips suck hers swollen. 

When he finishes, just after her, he doesn’t bother to pull out. It doesn’t matter anymore. And as he pumps himself into her he whispers raspy and desperate into her sternum, “I love you.” 

The words hurt in such a sublime way. He’s never said them before, not once in his life. But here he is, speaking them, meaning them, bleeding them from his soul into hers. 

He loves her, and he’ll love this baby, too. 

Hour 10

They lay in bed, Hange’s fingers comb rhythmically through his hair, and she presses the occasional kiss to his crown. 

Levi has one arm wound around her waist, his cheek pressed into her sternum, his other hand cupping her abdomen, thumb caressing gentle circles into the skin there. 

“I know you’re afraid,” Hange finally speaks. Her voice is soft and loaded with emotion. “I am, too. But I think we deserve this, Levi. It’s a chance for a life beyond the Survey Corps, for a real family.” 

Levi tilts his head up and kisses her gently. She’s right, but he still cannot help but remember his vision and his nightmare. 

“There’s so much that could go wrong,” his voice is pained. He holds her tighter. 

Hange sighs and rests her cheek on his head, “You’re not wrong, but we’ve got eight months to figure things out, okay? For tonight, just hold me.” 

Levi sighs and melts into her, shutting his eyes. 

In Hange’s arms his sleep is dreamless. 

[georgiapeach30513]

I was wondering how did iris and James’ tradition of butt rubs in the morning start?

The butt rubs!! Well part of it is her butt is his favorite part of her body. But now, he can't start his day without hims butt rubs!

🖤🖤🖤🖤

Every Morning

Summary:  James discovers Iris’ ass

Pairings:  James Rogers X Iris Drysdale

Rating:  mild

Warnings:  butt rubs, lots of butts, mentions of underage drinking, implied sex, 18+ ONLY

Word Count:  800

Desperate Lives AU Masterlist

Iris Drysdale Masterlist

There is nothing that James does not love about Iris.  He has literally got to see every part of her life, and he loves every single inch of her body.  Every bit of her personality, he loves, but James’ favorite thing is Iris’ ass.  He was quite young the first time he recognized he had a thing for her butt.  Fourteen years old, and he couldn’t quit looking at it.  Got a few swats to his shoulder from his dad to stop staring a time or two.

Sixteen years old when they would be standing next to each other, his hand would slowly rest just right at the top of her dresses or jeans.  The first time she was allowed in his truck and she ‘struggled’ to get in, he offered to help, and had her ass right in his face.  

Seventeen years old and they were out in a field drinking with some friends, and there was nowhere else for her to sit, but his lap.  With every little wiggle she would do, it made it harder for him to concentrate.  Both figuratively and literally.  The first time he actually saw her fully naked and with her more adult body, his hand was always resting on the curve of her ass.

Eighteen years old, and she was the captain of the cheer squad, and he was the star quarterback.  After every game, win or lose, he would run over to his baby doll, wrapping his arms around her, and his hand was just sitting a bit too low on her.  He learned after the first time, to turn her backside away from her father’s glare.  When she would lay on his chest, his hands would rub on her back before drifting lower and lower.  Cupping her ass in both hands before roaming back up her body.  It was then that Iris knew his obsession with her derrière.

Nineteen and his first time back from basic training, Iris decided to test this theory out.  Walking around the estate property, and when they get to their tree, James just wanted to touch her, needed to touch her.  Pressing her front against the tree, his lips ghost down her neck.  But when Iris arches her back, pushing her ass right against his crotch, James can’t help but stop, looking at that round bubble butt right on his manhood.

The way her back curves, just so she can bring it right where he’s been desiring it most.  Grasping to her hips, he uses his strength to wiggle it around, “You like that Sarge?” Iris asks breathlessly.

“Shh...your butt is rubbing me.”

“I can do better than you are,” he didn’t think it was possible, but her back arches even more, almost appearing like her back is going to break, but he forgets all those years of gymnastics, it’s made her very limber.  She circles her ass over him, finding a silent rhythm while she gyrates in his special spot.  Feeling his pants becoming more and more swollen.

“Ris, I like the butt rubs.”

“I can tell Sergeant.  You gonna show me how much you appreciate them?  There’s a reason I wore a dr...” before she can finish the word dress, he’s lifting up her skirt to see her muscled rear grind over him.  Watching her cheeks lift and rustle his jeans, until he can’t take it anymore, leaning back, to free himself.  Ready to enter into her waiting warmth.

________________________________________________________________

James bites at his fingernails, sitting at the kitchen bar at the estate.  He still isn’t normal.  Still doesn’t feel safe enough to be alone with Iris, she’s just so tiny compared to him.  Another night of not sleeping much, he just stares at nothing.  Not even realizing that Iris had came into the kitchen to make her morning coffee.

When he gets a good waft of the brew, his eyes move to her.  She’s ready for a quick workout.  Leggings on, hugging every bit of her toned legs, and that ass.  Tight little sports bra on.  James goes to stand up behind her, giving her a sweet but sensual open mouth kiss to her neck, “Mmm, Jamey,” she moans.  His touch ignited those memories, and how much he looked forward to butt rubs whenever he came home.

Arching her back, she pushes her butt into him, and she can feel his kisses become more desperate.  No longer a soft suck on her neck, but a deep nip and suck, the ones that leave those marks.  “Jamey,” she coos, backing up into him even more.

“Ris, everyday should be started like this.”

“Touch me,” her voice whimpers, guiding his hand down the front of her leggings.  His hands roam her folds, and even though they remember her body, it’s like he’s discovering her for the first time.  “You make me feel this good, I’ll do this for you every morning.”

“Every morning?”

“Yes Sergeant, every morning.”

Masterlist

[ambssssssssss]

“I’m so sorry, Lena,” A harsh cough followed the words and Lena felt her eyes begin to fill with water. She was kneeling in the broken streets of National City at Kara’s sighed, mindless of the destruction around them as the injured woman before her absorbed all of her attention. 

“Hold on, Kara, just a few more minutes.” Lena found Kara’s bloody, shaking hand and grasped it with her own. Kara gave her a watery smile. 

“We could’ve had so much time if I hadn’t been so scared.” There’s a strong current of regret in her tone and Lena feels as if she can’t breathe as she pulls Kara’s hand to her lips and presses a kiss against dirty knuckles. 

“We’ll have time now, darling. All the time in the world.” 

“I thought we promised not to lie to each other anymore.” 

A long, uncomfortable pause followed. Kara’s breath grows more shallow by the second, but her eyes remain the same. The deep blue of her iris shines with that same adoration that Lena had always seen in them, and always felt unworthy of. Kara lifted the hand that Lena wasn’t holding on to desperately, ignoring the way her limbs trembled, to carefully cup Lena’s cheek. 

This is the end. They both know it. 

“No, Kara, please,” Lena can hear the desperation in her voice but ignored it just as resolutely as she ignored the tears falling from her eyes. Tears that Kara barely had the strength to gently brush away. “I can’t lose you again.” 

“You never lost me, Lena, not for a single second.” The conviction in Kara’s voice is broken by the blood that slips past her lips as a cough tears through her throat. She collapses back against the broken asphalt after the fit subsides, landing on uneven ground with a pained groan. “I’ve always been yours, even when I wasn’t.” 

The noise around them barely registers in Lena’s mind. The battle had been over for a few minutes at least, but Lena had paid no attention to the chaos around them. Kara, just as she had done since the day they met, commanded all of Lena’s attention. It isn’t until Kara coughs again that Lena realizes that she hadn’t been unconsciously blocking out anything going around them. 

Kara’s cough echoes of the wreckage of a ruined city around them. If Lena had the strength to pull her gaze away from Kara’s slowly dimming eyes, she would have seen the veritable host of people around them falling to their knees as the consequences of this final battle hit home. They won, yes, but none of them thought that the cost would be so high. 

Lena is dimly aware of another person settling on the other side of Kara, taking her hand and nearly gasping out Kara’s name in a choked cry. Even with the addition of Alex with them, Lena doesn’t tear her eyes away from Kara. 

“I know, darling,” Lena grips Kara’s trembling hand tighter, wrapping both of her own around it and pressing a kiss to Kara’s knuckles again. “I think I always have. I should have said something sooner.” 

“Better late than never,” Kara cracked a smile and just for a second, Lena could believe that she wasn’t watching the love of her life die right before her eyes. “Promise me something?” 

“Anything.” 

“Don’t blame yourself, for any of it.” 

“Kara-”

“Promise me, Lena. None of this is your fault, or mine. It happened, and it sucks.” Kara smiled again as Lena released a rueful chuckle. “But you can’t let this stop you. Promise me that you won’t give up.” 

“I promise Kara,” Lena leans over and seals her promise with a trembling kiss pressed to Kara’s forehead. 

“Good.” Kara’s strength left her completely, her head fell to the ground and if not for Lena’s grip on her hand, the same would have been true of it as well. “Remember, I am always yours. Even when I’m not.” 

Kara turns her head then, to Alex who sits on her left. Words are spoken by both of them but Lena doesn’t hear them. She can’t hear anything over the high pitched sound ringing in her ears and Kara’s last words playing on a loop in her mind. 

They should have had so much more time. They should have had years to be together, truly together. Years without lies and secrets pulling them apart. Years of light and laughter and love, so much love that it would be bursting out of them. The kind of love that couldn’t be contained. They should have had it all but now they only had minutes.

They only have minutes and Kara doesn’t know how Lena feels. A sudden panic seizes Lena as she realizes that minutes are quickly receding into seconds and Kaa still doesn’t know. 

“Kara,” even to her own ears, Lena’s voice sounds so far away. “Kara, I love you.” 

There’s no ignoring the tears now, they fall from Lena’s eyes unbidden. But Kara is smiling at Lena, that special, bright smile that always made Lena feel like she was the one who could fly. 

Kara’s smile remains as her eyes fall closed and her body goes limp. Kara’s smile remains as she exhales, whispering Lena’s name with her last breath. 

Supergirl dies a hero, mourned and celebrated by many. 

Kara Danvers dies to the sound of her sister crying beside her. 

Kara Zor-El dies smiling in the embrace of the woman she loves most.

Lena woke up feeling as if that last image of Kara’s smile had been burned into her retinas. The dream, memory, ends in the same place it always does, the moment before the realization of what she had just witnessed sinks in. Lena wakes with soul crushing despair settling deep in her chest so that her breath in a new day is little more than a broken sob. It takes a few minutes for Lena to gather herself enough to climb out of bed and reach for her phone. The move is calculated. Lena knows that if she had reached for her phone first, she wouldn’t have gotten out of bed. 

Every other day, Lena had been able to push herself through it. She could almost pretend that everything was normal, until she caught herself trying to call Kara and invite her to lunch. Even after two weeks, Lena’s first instinct was still to call Kara. The hope that maybe the dream had been a nightmare rather than a memory and Kara would answer when she called had been all that kept Lena going for the past 14 days. 

The day of Kara’s funeral had pulled that hope to a crashing halt. 

There had been a service for Supergirl the day before. It felt like all of National City had been there, human and alien alike. All the heroes that Kara had worked with over the years were there, a few of them people that Lena had only met briefly before the wave of dark matter destroyed all of their worlds. The Flash had a few words to say. Cat Grant had barely held her tears in. Superman openly cried as he said goodbye to his last blood relative. Lena had watched it all with a blank expression, Alex’s hand in hers. 

Lena had made her way to Midvale on her own and was one of the last to arrive at Kara’s childhood home. Eliza had greeted her with a hug and a far too knowing look. Lena had slept in Kara’s bed and refused to cry until she was sure that no one would hear her. 

Now, Lena pulled on the dark outfit she had selected the night before and made her way downstairs. Alex and Eliza met her at the bottom of the stairs and led her to where Clark and Lois were standing with J’onn. Eliza pulled Lena into another hug while Lois looked as if she was the only one in the room who could understand Lena’s pain. Everyone was treating Lena like she was Kara’s widow and Lena wasn’t sure she would ever recover from that. 

She had Kara had never been together. They hadn’t gone on dates or celebrated anniversaries. They’d never even kissed and yet Lena still felt like a piece of her heart had been broken beyond repair. She wasn’t Kara’s widow but she was Kara’s someday and that was somehow worse. 

How could Lena mourn what she’d never had in the first place? 

Kara’s funeral had been short. She wouldn’t have wanted all of her friends and family to spend hours crying over her. Kara had been a ray of sunshine, a becon of joy. Although tears were shed, everyone wanted to follow Kara’s wishes so it soon turned to a memorial rather than a funeral. As everyone had been distracted by Alex’s story of the first time Kara saved her, Lena didn’t think anyone would notice when she stepped onto the back patio. She nearly jumped in surprise when a masculine voice called her name. 

“Sorry,” Clark said as he stepped up beside her. Lena hummed her acceptance of the apology but didn’t say a word. 

They stood together in silence for a few minutes. If it had been any other time, Lena might have made a joke about a Super and a Luthor but it didn’t feel right with her Super missing. Eventually, Lena can see Clark’s shoulders sag and knows that the silence is about to be broken. 

“She was always so much stronger than me.” Clark speaks in a low, haunted voice. “I’ll never be able to thank her for righting my worst wrong.” 

There’s a heavy set to his shoulders and a distant glint in his eyes that makes Lena feel foolish for forgetting where all this conflict had started. Lex had killed Kara, but it was Clark that turned Lex into a staunch believer in the superiority of man. It was Clark who faced Lex time and time again. CLark who wasn’t strong enough to deal the blow that would have ended all of this conflict. It was Clark’s weakness that had pushed Kara into that position, and Clark’s cowardice that cost Kara her life. 

The urge to hate Clark for his inaction is strong, so strong it makes Lena’s stomach clench and her hands tremble. It would be all too easy to blame Clark for losing Kara, but Lena knows that it wouldn’t be fair to him. There’s plenty of blame to go around but Clark doesn’t truthfully deserve any of it. Lex does. For targeting Kara and dealing the fatal blow, but most of them blame falls on Lena herself. For her own war against Supergirl, for the experiments that gave Lex his powers, for not being strong enough to defeat him on her own. 

Kara would still be with them if not for Lena’s failures. 

“But there is something I can do for her, if you’re willing to help me.” 

It takes a moment for Lena to realize that Clark’s statement had been a request. She looks at him, blinking in askance. 

“Follow me,” Clark, in a move that Lena would never have expected to come from him, gently took Lena’s hand into his own and guided her down the porch steps towards the beach. Agreeing to Clark’s request that she wait there for a moment, Lena tries to settle her nerves. When Clark returns, Lena knows that there is nothing she could have done to prepare herself. 

Clark touches down gently a few feet away from Lena and in the space between them hovers a sleek, grey pod. The black surface on the outside fades to clear and suddenly Lena can see Kara. 

She looks peaceful in death, Lena thinks, like she finally dropped all the weight she had been carrying for so long. 

“On Krypton, when a woman died,” Clark swallows roughly. “It was tradition for the oldest female member of the House to speak Rao’s blessing over them.” 

Clark meets Lena’s gaze evenly. 

“I know that would be Eliza here, or Alura if she had come, but I also know that Kara would have wanted it to be you.” 

“Clark,” Lena hesitated, “Kal, I don’t know.” 

“I know what you mean to her. Meant.” Even though they had been doing so all day, hearing Kara referred to in the past tense hurt deeply and Lena felt the tears welling for what must have been the thousandth time. 

“Okay,” Lena agreed with a shaky nod. Clark handed her a small piece of paper from his pocket and then turned his gaze to the pod containing Kara’s still form.” 

“Whenever you’re ready.” 

Lena was sure that she would never be ready to say goodbye to Kara but there was no sense in waiting. Voice thick with tears and barely above a whisper, Lena began to read. 

“You have been the sun of our lives. Our prayers will be the sun that lights your way on the journey home. We will remember you in every dawn and await the night we join you in the sky. Rao’s will be done.” 

They stood there for a moment with only the sound of the waves crashing against the beach breaking the still air. Then, with a heavy breath like he was steeling himself for the hardest moment of his life, Clark lifted the casket into the air with him. A moment later, Kara returned to the stars that had brought her home. 

Clark returned to the Danver’s household while Lena remained on the beach by herself. There was a fleeting feeling of Lena wishing she had something to hold on to, a memento of Kara’s. The feeling faded only to be replaced with a much stronger wish to simply have Kara there with her. The feeling was strong that for a moment, Lena felt the soft, familiar warmth of Kara’s hand in her own, their fingers resting together easily. As time stretched on, Lena let herself be lost in the phantom feeling of what could have been, until the sound of a car door closing shattered the dream and brought Lena crashing back to reality. 

A reality where Kara was gone. 

Suddenly, the beach felt just as stifling as the house had been. 

Realizing that her moment with the ghost of Kara’s memory was over, Lena turned to make her way back to the house. 

Only Kara’s closest friends remained at the house. Clark, Lois, and Lucy were sitting together on the couch, the two normally argumentative sisters silent in their grief. Barry and Iris were curled together in a chair, Barry staring blankly ahead as Iris watched him in concern. Caitlin and Cisco sat together on the floor in front of Barry and Iris, their shoulders pressed together. Ava sat in the other chair with Sara leaning against her legs, her fingers idly wrapping a strand of Sara’s hair around and around. The other Legends must have gone back to the Waverider. Alex and Eliza sat together on the loveseat and made room between them for Lena. 

It was odd, Lena decided as she took the seat provided for her, to be surrounded by so many heroic figures and not feel even the smallest amount of hope. The Kara shaped whole in the arrangement could not be ignored. No one said a word as Lena sat down and the silence was no less disturbing the longer it went on. 

“It doesn’t seem right,” Cisco broke the silence with a sad voice. “The most powerful person we know.” 

“The bravest and most caring, too,” Barry added just as softly. “She didn’t even ask for help.” 

“You were all busy,” Alex shrugged slightly but Lena could see the tension in her jaw. “You all had your own villains to face and lives to live. She wouldn’t have disrupted that.” 

“She wouldn’t put all of you in danger like that.” Lena’s voice was hoarse from disuse. Not counting her blessing of Kara at the beach, that was the longest sentence Lena had said in two weeks. 

“I did, with the Dominators and Crisis,” Barry’s expression shone with guilt. “She answered every time.” 

“She was like Oliver,” Sara said, leaning further into Ava as she spoke. “More of a hero than any of us will ever be.” 

“All these powers, even time travel, and we still can’t save everyone.” Iris sighed and dropped her head onto Barry’s shoulder. Barry pressed a kiss against his wife’s forehead. 

“We would if we could.” Barry said. “I’d go back in a second if we didn’t have to worry about another Flashpoint. An event like this is too big to go back and change.” 

“Flashpoint?” Lena asked curiously. Alex looked at her with the smallest bit of surprise and a hint of question in her eyes. 

“One of the first times I travelled back in time on purpose, to save my mom. I ended up changing everything,” Barry explained. 

With everyone reluctant to leave, it took little prodding to get Barry to continue elaborating. A conversation about the difficulty of preserving the timeline arose between the members of team Flash and the two remaining Legends in the room. Lena listened with half an ear but her mind was stuck on the comment that had started this conversation. 

It didn’t feel right without Kara in the room, not only in the sense that Lena personally felt as though she was missing an essential part of her being, but in the sense that something about all of this was fundamentally wrong. The only thing about Kara’s conflict with Lex was that Lex was gone. It doesn’t make sense for him to have taken Kara out with him, especially not without Kryptonite. Lena remembered the final blow in sharp detail. The beam that had exhausted Kara was golden, not green. 

A comment about the natural order of time caught Lena’s attention and she pondered the implications of it. The natural order of time ensured that everyone was at the correct time and place, whenever that happened to be in the linear timeline of their own lives. Barry and the Legends are able to move through time as long as they don’t disrupt the natural time. There were few rules for time travel, but the most important was that one could not be in the exact same place and time as they had been before. A person cannot physically be in one specific time and place more than once. 

But, there were ways to send other things through time. The Legends used a ship, and Barry had once sent a message back in time to himself, warning of things to come. The beginnings of an idea began to form in Lena’s mind. Physical time travel was limited, but that didn’t mean that other forms had the same limitations. Unfortunately, Lena was kept from following that rabbit any further down the hole by the group finally breaking apart for the night. Lena forced the questions and ideas from her mind until she returned to National City. 

[americasmarauders]

can I request a Jason todd x reader fic based on list 1, prompt #26 plsss🧸🦦

yo, this got done quickly cause I had a draft already started that fit ~perfectly~ with the prompt. was it sitting on my docs for like 8 months? yes it was. I tweaked it a bit and, seriously, it’s so fluffy I might die. 

words: 1,426 (it’s very short i’m sorry, but I swear it’s good)

warnings: blood, wounds, tooth-rotting fluff. 

prompt: when it’s a slow burn, and the characters just look at each other like “fuck it i’m done with this” and kiss

my masterlist

Jason considered himself lots of things. He was practical, well read, and he’d even admit he was a little violent sometimes. But he never considered himself a coward. 

He used to be smooth, charm the pants off any girl he wanted to talk to, easily and quickly. He would open doors and shoot a brilliant smile their way, and he would listen to their heart picking up a beat. There was a sense of pride in that, making a girl fall for him for a night, a twisted accomplishment that proved to himself he wasn’t a dead man walking, just a man. 

With her, well, he was just an idiot.

It was frustrating. In his brain, he was charming her ass off, sweeping her off her feet and dreaming of something more with her. His mouth didn’t comprehend what his brain wanted, the words would get stuck in the tip of his tongue. No matter how much he tried, the voice in his head would stop him. 

Even if he seemed a complete ass next to her, she never faltered next to him. She was always there, showering him with kindness and understanding. A smile never seemed to leave her face, even when she was sad, he could tell she gathered her energy to show him a little sign that she was okay. She was his constant. She was his gravity center. That terrified him. 

He had enemies. Too many enemies. Normally, he wouldn’t care about those seeing him underneath the sun. He would meet them with his guns and he would leave a trail of bodies behind him (all of them alive, unfortunately). But after her, his modus operandi changed. 

Everything he did was a secret, paranoid that if word got out of who he was under the hood, she would be targeted. The mere thought of her being at the end of the barrel of a gun sent him in a spiral. He couldn’t afford that risk, she couldn’t be killed, not because of him. It would kill him.

Why did he have to fall for her? He asked himself that constantly. It would have been simpler, easier, if he had nothing to lose, nothing to look forward to after a long night. It would be only his mission and himself. 

In other words, he would become Bruce. That thought made him angry, he had vowed to not become him. He would shake the thought and think about her. Her smile, her eyes and spirit. All the little things she despised about herself, but that made her just her. Jason loved her completely. Unlike Bruce, he couldn’t deprive himself of love. Even if it came with fears and a crushing sense of inadequacy. 

She made his life better, that much he was certain. Falling for her was a blessing dressed as a curse. He had received an angel in his life. He wasn’t about to ruin that. ‘Don’t sabotage yourself,’ Tim said once. ‘You have a shot, Jay. I know that. Don’t let your insecurities get in the way.’

Even with that constant reminder echoing in his head, he couldn’t get himself out of his way. He would think about all the things that could go wrong, all the ways they could get to her, and he would freeze. 

Jason Todd was a coward. Jason Todd was in love. 

#

#

He would always get into her apartment sneakily. It was charming that he would use the front door, unlike the first few times he had got in through the window. He would always ditch the tactical gear, getting in just in an undershirt and pants. 

She usually heard him getting in. It was a silent pact they made the first few times they started the arrangement. He would make some noise when he came in, that way she wouldn’t have a heart attack when she woke up and found him on her couch. Her sleep was light anyway, she would wake up with a quiet sound. 

The sound of him opening the front door woke her up. Instinctively, she got up and headed to the bathroom. She quickly grabbed the first aid kit - that seemed to grow everytime she went to the farmacy - and went in his direction.  

She rubbed her eyes sleepy, yawning when she saw him for the first time that night. He had helped himself to an ice pack, resting on his left eye. In the faint lighting of the lamp she could see the white streak of his hair glued to his forehead with sweat and blood. His feet hung lazily over the hand rest of the couch, his boots discarded next to her front door. There was a stain on his side, probably caused by a bloody wound.

“Rough night?” she asked quietly, kneeling beside him. He turned to see her, lifting slightly the ice pack to reveal a nasty black eye. It was getting swollen, his eye barely opened. 

“You could say that,” he chuckled, humourlessly, resting the ice pack once again on his eye. 

She smiled at him, her eyes trailed on the gauze package on her hand. Her fingers delicately brushed on his skin, lifting his shirt to reveal the cut. Jason had fast healing, something he never explained how he got it, no matter how much she asked. The cut wasn’t as deep as it had been how many hours it had been made, it was still nasty and bloodied. She rested the gauze on it, and he hissed in pain. “Sorry,” she mumbled quietly. Everytime she ever provoked any pain in him she apologized. He hadn’t told her much, and she hadn’t pressed him, knowing it hurt too much for him to talk, but she knew he hadn’t received kindness in abundance in his life. She swore to herself that would never happen again. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Nah,” he gripped the ice pack tightly, as she rubbed an antiseptic on his wound. She knew he thought she wouldn’t notice, but she did. “Just normal shit. Don’t worry.”

Her eyes flicked to his face, illuminated by the faint orange glow of her lamp. His face was angelic, even with the stubble and the cuts and the frown he would often sport. He was an angel, nothing could convince her otherwise. He was her angel, the motive she always had a pack of mint tea in her kitchen cabinet and a mallet full of gauze and antiseptic. She would do anything for him, he’d just have to ask her. 

“I can’t not worry,” the confession left her lips life a prayer. Her heart raced in her chest, her eyes focused on bandaging the almost gone cut on his side. It wouldn’t even leave a scar. “I’m afraid it’s quite impossible, Jay.”

He turned his head to her, abandoning the ice pack on his stomach. His eye wasn’t swollen anymore, and she could see his beautiful blue iris finally. His eyes were usually cold and stony towards any other person, but never towards her. Not once his eyes held anything other than  warmth and affection when he looked at her. 

“I don’t deserve you,” he whispered to her. He looked at her soul when she said that, said like he meant it with all his heart. “I don’t.”

“Don’t say that,” she abandoned the gauze and cradled his face with her hands. She was careful not to graze his bruised cheekbone, looking firmly at him. “I decide whether or not you deserve me Jason, and you do.”

He opened a rare smile, shaking his head in disbelief. His eyes didn’t leave hers, she could almost see the thought process going on in his head. “Fuck it,” he mumbled, getting up. His hands found their way to her faces, grabbing it gently. He brought his lips close to hers, hovering over them for a split second before colliding them together. 

The kiss was gentle and slow, both testing the waters. It was a long time in the making, both used to guarding their feelings closely. He interrupted the kiss, resting his forehead on hers, His thumb gently grazed on her cheekbones, caressing her delicately and lovingly. “I’m sorry,” he confessed, “I couldn’t keep it in anymore.”

She smiled at him, her eyes trailed oh his. “Shut up and kiss me again.”

And he did. And he would everytime she asked for the rest of her life.