#stray kids as sad songs

[nczennie]

it's ok if it hurts.

Pairing: Reader & Stray Kid's Hyunjin AU: Historical, Royalty Genre: Angst Preview: Hyunjin was always a romantic. Maybe that's why the second he found love he left you for dead. Words: 3.8k *warnings undercut

WARNINGS: Death, mentions of blood, mentions of sexual harassment

You've come to find out that you learn a lot of things growing up in a palace.

You may not learn how to read or write. How to walk so perfectly straight you can balance a book on your head. You'll never learn how to sweet talk delegates from other regions, but you think the lessons you've learned are just as valuable.

You know to always keep your eyes trained down, you know when it is okay for you to speak. You know to listen and observe every conversation you stumble upon. You've learned the techniques it takes to survive living as your rank in a place run by royals.

Your father is one of the King's chefs, your mother one of the ladies in charge of making the Queen's tea. They fell in love and married, you coming along shortly after. This meant you were apart of the palace life since you were born. And once you were old enough you were put to work as well, helping the other ladies in the garden picking herbs and cutting flowers.

You didn't mind your job, not that you had anything to compare it to. You enjoyed being able to work outside and the older women doted on you endlessly.

The King and Queen had two sons. Two boys blessed in beauty and had their own unique talents. The oldest of the two was eager to adopt his role as future King. Loving to read the history of the region, often taking his horse to explore the land. The youngest of the two boys was quite the opposite. He was a softer boy who loved poetry and art. Eager to make his own paintings rather than read about those who already did.

The younger Prince, Hyunjin, was your age. In fact, he was born merely months after you. The Queen found comfort in talking about her pregnancy with your mother as she served her tea. Comparing symptoms and trying to guess if that meant they were having a boy or a girl.

And though not proper, you and Hyunjin often played together when you were young, though it came with disapproving looks from his father whenever he caught you both. "It's alright, they're still young." his mother would say.

You always wondered if that meant once you become older you and Hyunjin would no longer be friends. But here you are now, having recently turned eighteen, pulling weeds from the garden as Hyunjin sat next to you sketching a newly bloomed flower.

The late summer humidity was getting to you as you move to wipe the sweat from your brow, the wide brim hat protecting you from the sunlight but did little to help your temperature when there was no breeze out. Reaching to place another weed in your basket you let out a huff.

"Did you hear the news?" Hyunjin speaks up, one of the first words he's spoke since concentrated on his writing. You turn to look at him but he doesn't move his gaze from his paper. "Maehwa is pregnant."

Maehwa is Hyunjin's sister-in-law. She married his brother some years ago and is set to be the future Queen. You hum, removing one of your gloves to relieve a bit of the heat, "Yes, mother told me. She seems very excited." Now alongside the Queen, your mother also serves Maehwa her tea as well.

Hyunjin puts his pencil down, opening and closing his fist as if to relieve his charcoal coated fingers of the stiffness. "My brother says he secretly wishes it's a girl," Hyunjin chuckles knowing if their father heard he would yell at him, knowing tradition calls for needing sons in order to keep their position as royal family.

You smile at the thought, you were fond of Hyunjin's brother. He was always very polite and nice to not only you but everyone he met. He was well read and modern and determined to make a difference when he became King. Even Maehwa, whom he was arranged to marry was a perfect fit for him. Sharing his kindness and beliefs.

Returning your glove to your hand, you reach for another weed hidden beneath a dirt pile, "I know he will be a great father no matter what." Hyunjin hums in agreement moving to smudge bits of his drawing.

"Well, well, well," Someone draws out and you and Hyunjin look in surprise as someone approaches you both.

Upon seeing him, you avert your gaze, secretly rolling your eyes as he approaches, "What are you both doing alone?" It was Hyunjin's personal guard. A young man by the name of Sahan.

On Hyunjin's eighteenth birthday, a personal guard was hired to make sure he was safe, especially since it meant he could now travel outside of the palace. This is where Sahan came in, he was some years older than the Prince but much more immature. There was something about the man you didn't quite trust, and the inappropriate comments he makes to the women staff around the palace make you all uncomfortable. But Hyunjin doesn't see that, in fact he seems to love Sahan. Growing up his only contact with people around his age were his brother and you. You figure he takes pleasure in having Sahan around and sees him as a friend.

Hyunjin smiles as the man approaches, "Oh come on, you know she is my friend." He chuckles standing to his feet and wipes at his clothes to remove any dirt. You still don't move to look at them but you could basically hear the smirk in Sahan's voice, "That may be but you know it's inappropriate for you both to be alone. Especially when you are friends with someone so beautiful, it could be tempting."

You don't give the man the satisfaction of a reaction, biting your tongue and keeping your gaze fixed on the plant before you.

Hyunjin lets out an amused scoff and your stomach clenches as he speaks, "Oh, please. It's not like that." Sahan laughs loudly at this, perhaps finding amusement in your friends rejection of you. "Suit yourself," you hear Hyunjin gather his art supplies.

You don't dare to look back, not even when Hyunjin calls your name and tells you goodbye. You listen to the sound of their footsteps growing further and further away on the gravel.

Your mom always warned you your feelings for Hyunjin were dangerous.

But you merely rolled your eyes. You weren't stupid, you felt like saying. You knew you could never be with Hyunjin and you would never try to. Those thoughts you had about him falling in love with you and begging his parents to let him marry you were just fantasies you knew were for your head only.

But that doesn't mean it hurt any less when they announced he was getting married.

A scholar's daughter. Her family quicking raising in social status and wealth. Not acceptable for an heir, but for a second son, she would do.

You feel grateful that it isn't Hyunjin that breaks the news to you. That way when your mother tells you, you could cry in her arms as she tells you off for your feelings but hugs you tight nonetheless.

Hyunjin has always been romantic.

And now that he is getting his chance at love he seems happier than ever. Now sitting below the tree where you pick apples. Hanging on to the ladder and biting your tongue as he drowns out about his wedding.

"I think I will paint her something and surprise her with it the night of the wedding." He looks up at you and you fill the bag with the ripe fruit. You hum but don't speak, focusing on reaching and keeping your balance.

"She'll probably be so nervous to move into the palace. But after the wedding when we're finally alone, I'll reassure her I'll love her and protect her. And then I'll present her with the painting and we can display it in our room." He drones on.

He's always been like this, coming up with romantic scenarios where he's the hero that can save and comfort someone he loves. But unfortunately they've never been about you.

"I could paint a picture of her town, to remind her of home. What do you think?" He asks and you sigh. "That's sweet, Hyunjin." You say because no matter how bitter you feel, you can't deny the sentiment.

"I just met her, she's is quite the beauty."

You jump with a start, turning to see who has joined you in the gardeners shed. A chill runs through you as you see Sahan standing in the doorway. Without giving him a response, you turn back to the bucket of water where you were washing the vegetables.

Your heart pounds as he walks closer to you, your breath hitches as he stands directly behind you. "Salin, that's her name." He says in a low voice behind you.

He's speaking of Hyunjin's finacé. The wedding is tomorrow, and she arrived to the palace tonight.

"Leave me alone, Sahan." You finally say, scrubbing the radish for the wedding celebrations even harder.

Suddenly, you feel the weight of his hand over your waist, causing the vegetable to slip from your hand. You turn, burning red as he has the nerve to touch you.

"Don't touch me." You say firmly but he only looks down at you with a smirk. "Hyunjin is not yours anymore." He whispers, "He belongs to Salin now." He moves closer, pushing you into the large bucket, pressing against you and you try to push at his chest to keep your space.

"I can help you forget him, I can distract you." He leans in to whisper in your ear as you yank your head to the side. He hand form before returns to your waist giving it a squeeze.

"Get out. I'll scream." You say trying your best to keep your voice steady. But he merely laughs, "I think it's funny you have any power over me. You think anyone here will care what I do to you?"

Your lip wobbles as you look past his shoulder. Because no matter how small it made you feel, it was true.

There's a bustle of commotion from outside. You assume more gardeners returning to work after finishing their dinner. The whole palace will be awake all night to finish preparing for the big day tomorrow.

Sahan glances towards the door before pulling away from you completely. "I'll see you another time." He says simply before slipping out into the night. Leaving you to finish washing radishes as quiet sobs leave your mouth.

The wedding goes splendidly.

Not that you would know as you were not allowed near the occasion, but the rest of the palace speaks happily about the whole ordeal.

You haven't seen Hyunjin in over a month. You suppose you should've expected this as he is married now. But a part of you wanted to believe you meant a least a fraction as much to him as he did to you.

On that note, you haven't seen Sahan since that night as well. He was busy accompanying Hyunjin and Salin around the town as they explored her new home.

But now a sense of paranoia and dread filled you whenever you were alone. Not wanted to run into him in fear of what he would do to you.

It was one early morning when you and the rest of the garders were busy planting seeds for a new crop. However your work was interrupted when the newly appointed princess, Salin walked with her staff into the field.

As protocol has it, you all stopped your work, standing to bow before standing still with your gaze pointed to the ground.

"I came to check out the work," she speaks and her voice is light as a feather. It's the first time you've been in the same room as her and you're dying to cast your gaze up to get a glance at her. But you restrain yourself.

"Thank you for all your hard work." She speaks over everyone, walking down the line of you all before stopping merely feet from you. "As you all know, I am now Prince Hyunjin's wife. And I just want to remind you all that you are gardeners. You work for the palace."

"And palace staff is all you'll stay. Please remember your place. Staff should not be on comfortable speaking terms with any of the royal family." Your mouth runs dry at her words.

She is talking to you all, but you know she is speaking to you.

She thanks you all once again before taking her leave. Shakily, you get back to your position. She had to be talking about you, there was no other explanation. Somehow she must've found out about your friendship with Hyunjin, but how?

A couple of days later when it's your turn to set the fruit buckets to dry, you notice Hyunjin sitting under the tree just ahead of you.

A smile quirks on your face as for a second it feels like the old days. "Hyunjin," you call as you walk up to him giving him a friendly smile. He looks up from where he was drawing, eyebrows furrowed as if he didn't hear you approach.

But instead of his familiar warm smile or playful smirk he once gave you, his face stays still. A look of blankness casting over him like a veil. As if twenty years of memories slipped his mind.

"I hope you are not forgetting you are speaking to a member of the royal family." He speaks in an even tone.

You take a small step back taking a moment to consider his words. Hoping for a second that he was joking. Unfortunately there is not a hint of amusement in his face, instead a coldness that passes from his gaze to your blood.

"Your highness, excuse me." You say quietly before turning and scrambling off, forgetting about what you originally came for.

Your chest heaves as you make your way back to your working quarters. A dull pain lingering in your head as you try to comprehend what happened.

For as long as you've known Hyunjin you've never adhered to the rules that everyone else was expected to follow. He made it clear to you from the start that you were friends and there was no need to treat him otherwise.

Not realising that must've ended for him as soon as he got married.

You keep your head down as you enter the gardening shed, your coworkers chattering loudly. Suddenly, you remember about drying the baskets, so you quickly make your way into the corner pretending you came to grab more.

Stacking them slowly, you give yourself a minute to cry. Tears streaming down your face as you mourn your friend. It seems so sudden he was ripped from you without you even knowing.

You hear the door open but don't bother to look, not even when the loud chatter becomes murmurs.

You still work as you feel a presence behind you before a voice speaks, "I suppose whatever relationship you had with the Prince has come to an end."

It's Sahan. You recognize his chilling voice from anywhere. That must also explain why the other ladies have quieted. For there is no woman in the palace who feels comfortable with him.

You don't speak or acknowledge him as he only brings out a burning anger from within you.

"It's a shame the Princess doesn't want him around you. I must've let your friendship slip." He teases with a smirk you don't have to see to know is there.

So that's what happened. It's Sahan who told Princess Salin about your friendship with Hyunjin. That's why she visited you all in the fields the other day. That explains Hyunjin's behavior.

Sahan turns to leave a second later, perhaps not finding fun in your lack of reaction but you would never give him the satisfaction. You would never let him know that he's ruined you.

The next month has been miserable.

Not only is there a big harvest coming up that has you working from sunup to sundown, but you miss Hyunjin.

You loved Hyunjin. And although you were smart enough not to admit it to anyone it still doesn't stop the fact that you feel utterly heartbroken.

You've lost not only a love, but your only friend in the palace. At this point you feel as if you've had nothing left. Even your parents have got to retire from their years of hard work and loyalty, living in a house outside of the palace and in town. It may be small but it was their own.

One night you feel like you're sleepwalking as you make your way back to your sleeping quarters. The palace is dark as everyone who is inside sleeps, but you volunteered to be the one to cleaned and prepped the tools ready for the morning.

Walking past one of the building you freeze.

It could be your sleep deprivation, or the wind, but from within just for a second it sounded like a yelp.

You pause listening for more. Surely if there was something, the guards would be alerted by now.

There was not another yelp, but instead a large thud.

This, not something you could blame on being tired. You heard it loud and clear.

You look around, waiting for someone to come to check out the noises, but there are only crickets. Hesitantly you take a step towards the door. If no one else was coming you had to make sure everything was okay.

Slowly, you start to slide the door open, as if to warn whoever was on the other side of your entry. Once you slip in, you let your eyes adjust, only a single candle lighting the room from the corner.

Standing in the middle of the room, is Prince Salin, causing you to freeze. You're about to bow and apologize before you noticed the terrified look on her face. She's heaving, sweating from her brow.

Looking at her hands, you freeze noticing the blood.

A panic wells in you as you begin to think she is hurt.

She holds what looks like a piece of a vase. Your gaze continues to the floor. You quickly move your hands to your mouth before the sound of shock can leave you.

There lies his body.

A pool of blood spilling from his neck, looking black in the dark lighting. The remains of the broken vase scattered around him.

You make a quick decision, entering the room completely before shutting the door quietly behind you.

"He-He was trying to touch me! I just wanted him to stop!" Salin cries, far too loud for your liking.

You hush her, moving in front of her to throw your hand over her mouth. "It's okay." You comfort her, knowing in fact it was anything but with a dead body on the floor beneath you both.

Keeping your hand over her mouth as she cries, you look down at the mess. Your mind wheeling with what to do next. What you finally decide scares you at first, but you start to move before you can think too much.

"Listen to me," You whisper to her, waiting for her to meet your gaze. "You need to sneak back into your room okay? Don't let anyone see you. Wash your hands and burn the dress, do you understand?" She merely stares at you so you push your hand into her, "Do you understand?" You whisper harshly.

She finally nods, looking desperate. You remove your hand, "Only get the help of your most trusted lady. Don't speak a word of what happened, just have her wash you and burn the dress." You repeat hoping she gets it despite her shocked state.

You step away, taking the sharp glass from her hand before nodding at her, "Go." She doesn't move for a second, looking at you before you point to the door.

She doesn't spare you another glace as she leaves as quietly as you entered.

You stare at the door for a few moments before finally looking down at the body again.

Sahan.

Leaning down you let yourself check for a pulse, confirming he was dead. You return to your standing position, looking at him and not finding it in yourself to feel sorry for him at all. You contemplate, for even in death he continues to ruin your life.

And that's how they find you.

Hyunjin was always a romantic. Maybe that's why the second he found love he left you for dead.

You knew this would be the ending of your story as soon as you made the decision to take Salin's place.

Tied and kneeling in the courtyard of the palace, moments away from death.

Though your heart pounds with fear, you don't let yourself look away from Hyunjin, hoping to catch a glimpse at your old friend before you go.

But the reality is, he is no longer there.

For he was the one who suggested execution when they told him you had murdered his beloved Sahan. At the beginning you tried to plead, explaining how he was regularing harassing women around the palace. How you were merely defending yourself but it fell on deaf ears.

Sahan was right when he said he had more power than you, even now that he was gone.

You move your gaze from Hyunjin to Salin. You're welcome, you try to convey with your eyes. This could be you. You're lucky I'm the one who found you. All messages you want her to know, but you doubt she even cares at this point. Merely happy she got away with murder.

The guards ask if you have any last words.

You've been practicing for this. You clear your throat looking at Hyunjin in the eye. It didn't really matter what you said anyways, in moments you'd be dead.

You speak clearly, hoping to conceal any traces of fear from them.

"Hyunjin," You say loud enough to make sure he can hear, "It's ok if it hurts, because I love you."

A silence follows and though not even in your fantasies you imagined this is how you confess your love, you're just glad that you got to. Even if no reaction follows.

You keep Hyunjin's blank gaze until they throw the cloth bag over your head. Darkness consumes you, but you wish you could somehow see Hyunjin's reaction. To see if there is even a sliver of sadness or remorse as he see your life taken away from you.

Copyright © 2024 by nczennie. All rights reserved.

🌼 All feedback is appreciated and welcomed 🌼

[dazed--xx]

🥀Heartbreak Playlist 🥀

⏪⏯️��

Summary: Now suddenly you're asking for it back Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve? Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had. But I don't really care how bad it hurts…..When you broke me first

Post Date: 01/17/2024

T/W: Mentions of Cheating, Break Ups, arguments, drinking, manipulation, crying, heartbreak, ANGST…, swearing, mentions of being drunk, yelling, sad ending

Word Count: 2.7K

⏪⏯️⏩

Summary: Little do you know, How I'm breakin' while you fall asleep. Little do you know, I'm still haunted by the memories. Little do you know, I'm tryin' to pick myself up piece by piece. Little do you know ……I need a little more time

Post Date: 01/20/2024

T/W: ANGST..,crumbling marriage, mentions of divorce. Mentions of anxiety, mentions of panic attacks. Mentions of neglect in a marriage, crying, begging etc

Word Count: 2.7K

⏪⏯️⏩

Summary: I tell myself you don't mean a thing. And what we got, got no hold on me; But when you're not there, I just crumble. I tell myself I don't care that much; But I feel like I die 'til I feel your touch Only love……Only love can hurt like this

Post Date: 01/28/2024

T/W:1930s Era, ANGST, historical inaccuracies, Prohibition, cursing, mafia, talks of murder, mentions of guns, Molotov cocktail, gun violence, harassment, neglect in a relationship I guess, mentions of illegal activity, life threatening injuries, mentions mafia war. Mentions of Bootlegging, mentions of Shylocking. Sad ending

Word Count: 5.1K

⏪⏯️⏩

Summary: I'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me. I know that your love is gone. I can't breathe, I'm so weak, I know this isn't easy. Don't tell me that your love is gone…..That your love is gone

Post Date: 01/28/2024

PLEASE READ AUTHOR’S NOTE!!

T/W: ANGST!!!!!!!!!!!!, hate comments, distant partner, mentions of depression, mentions of anxiety, assault like legit assault, recording of an assault, hate speech. Cursing, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS, Crying, Feeling alone, ambiguous ending, etc

Word count: 2.5k

⏪⏯️⏩

Summary: Pictures I'm living through for now, Trying to remember all the good times. Our life was cutting through so loud; Memories are playing in my dull mind. I hate this part, paper hearts And I'll hold a piece of yours; Don't think I would just forget about it……Hoping that you won't forget about it

Post Date: 03/18/2024

Member: Seungmin x Reader

T/W: Break Ups, arguments crying, heartbreak, ANGST…, swearing, yelling, sad ending, slight shoving nothing too crazy, some emotional manipulation, problem avoidance, denial, (subtle mention to woojin via blacked out photo he existed people he was in the group once), mentions of Minhos elimination in Finding Stray kids

Word Count: 2.3K

⏪⏯️⏩

Summary: Now the day bleeds, Into nightfall; And you're not here, To get me through it all. I let my guard down; And then you pulled the rug…..I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

Post Date: 03/18/2024

Member: Changbin x Reader

T/W: Friend Break Up(cause romantic break ups ain't the only type that is heartbreaking), arguments, crying, heartbreak, ANGST…, swearing, yelling, sad ending, ghosting, problem avoidance, flirty behavior, mentions of one night stand, mentions of friend with benefits relationships, innuendos, brutal honesty

Word Count: 3.2K

⏪⏯️⏩

Summary: Torn in two, And I know I shouldn't tell you. But I just can't stop thinking of you, Wherever you are. You. Wherever you are; Every night I almost call you. Just to say it always will be you…Wherever you are

Post Date: 03/19/2024

Member: Jeongin x Reader

T/W: Break Up, arguments, crying, heartbreak, ANGST…, swearing, yelling, sad ending, ghosting, Long distance relationship, neglect, ambiguous aged female (17-22), emotional manipulation.

Word Count: 3.2K

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Summary: I've spent all of the love I saved. We were always a losing game, Small town Girl(boy) in a big arcade, I got addicted to a losing game. Oh,Oh.All I know, all I know……Loving you is a losing game

Post Date: 03/19/2024

Member: Felix x Reader

T/W: Break Ups, arguments crying, heartbreak, ANGST…, swearing, yelling, sad ending, Bet Au!, depressing thoughts, lack of communication, childish behavior, Avoiding S/O, mentions of sex, bullying, denial

Word Count: 2.1K

[oceanmoongirl143]

cursed are those who want to be happy, but find comfort in sadness it's a never ending circle...

[ikykwklk-ash]

I don't.... I don't feel very good, this song is..... I don't even know what words to use...

[kidrauhlschik]

Stray Kids as Sad Songs

Hyung Line

Bang Chan - Angels Like You (Miley Cyrus)

"It's not your fault I ruin everything

and it's not your fault I can't be what you need"

If he could go back in time to never meet you, he would. He would prefer to never experience the things he did with you, because then this moment wouldn't hurt him the way he's hurting right now.

He finally let's his tears flow freely as he packs the last of his things.

"A little more hurt won't kill you tonight"

He wonders if you'll ever forgive him. It's doubtful. He came into your life and everything felt like a dream. The first year the two of you spent together, you could have sworn that the two of you were soulmates. As time went by, that illusion quickly started to fade into a memory.

He self destructs, it's the only thing he's good at. You tell him that you're there for him through every step of the way, but he knows better. People like you don't belong with people like him. You need someone who can be there for you day and night, someone who you can see year round, you need someone who can post you on social media and show you off.

"Cause they say that misery loves company"

Bang Chan knows that he doesn't deserve you. He lack in areas you need him most. He notices when you cry yourself to sleep while he lays next to you, you never liked to tell him your problems because you don't want to add another burden to his ever growing list. He sees the missed calls that he didn't see while working, while performing, or while sleeping.

You deserve a good man, not the shell of one.

"Gonna wish we never met on the day I leave"

He decided enough was enough, and although his departure will destroy you, he knows that this is what he has to do. He knows that you would stop him if you knew, so disappearing without a trace is his only option. You deserve an explanation but he's too scared to confront you. So with that thought he grabs the rest of his bags and takes one last look at the place the two of you used to call home.

"I'm everything they said I would be"

Lee Know - A Grave Mistake (Ice Nine Kills)

"Till death do us part came far too soon"

He can remember that night as if it were yesterday. Every time he closes his eyes, the memory of the accident haunts him. Except, it was no accident. The man chose to get in his car after drinking way more than he could handle. He chose to take your life that night.

He can remember riding his bike behind yours, the two of you were discussing what you would have for dinner that night through the mic's in your helmet. It all happened in a second. You had a green light, everything was perfect. Until Satan himself flew through his stop at insane speed. Minho's heart stopped in that second. His brain refusing to process what had just happened.

He can remember the way your body flew over the car but he couldn't see you any more. He rode his bike around the car and found you. You weren't moving, but your helmet was still in place.

"Baby?" You weren't responding.

He flies off of his motorcycle, almost stumbling after it falls behind him. The bike didn't matter to him right now.

"Baby? Are you okay" No response.

On his knees next you he keeps trying to understand what his eyes are seeing. His hands hover over you, not wanting to so much as touch you to prevent further damage.

"I'm so sorry, I was was just driving and I-" But before the man could say anything else, Minho stopped him, he couldn't even bother to take his eyes off of you at that moment.

"Call 911! Call them right now!" From the top of his lungs. The world around him seemed like a blur to him, he knew there were cars stopping to see the scene but all he cared about was making sure that no one would touch you unless they knew what they were doing.

"Baby? Can you hear me? Baby please answer me!" Delusion.

"Rage, scorn, misery

Payback from what you took from me

Hope, love, sanity"

He remembers the ambulance arriving, shortly after the cops were putting handcuffs on the drunk man. He remembers that they were trying too pull him away to give the paramedics space to work. As he was fighting to get back to your side, he remembers the words very clearly.

"Time of death, 10:48PM" His world stopped. The words circled in his head but he couldn't understand them.

"NO!" He throws off the man who kept trying to hold him back. Landing on his knees next to you. They had taken your helmet off. You were fine. What were they talking about? It wasn't until Minho noticed the blood around your body that reality set in.

"Baby wake up! Get up baby! We have to go home! The cat's are waiting for us baby! Get up! Please." Tears were beginning to mix with blood as he held you body to his chest. Eyes full of pity let him have a moment with your body as he sobbed into your hair..

"No forgiveness, just farewell"

The memory hurts just as much as it did a year ago. He can only see your face as he holds the gun up to the man who took your life.

11 months. They only gave him 11 months in jail. It's okay though, Lee know would take care of the rest.

He pulled the trigger.

"A match made in heaven

You sent straight to hell"

Changbin - Ghost (Justin Bieber)

"I know you crossed a bridge that I can't follow"

You moved on. He knew you were happy. You finally had your dream career, your dream house, you dream man. Unfortunately, that man wasn't him.

You were the smartest person he knew. He always knew that you would accomplish everything you put you mind into. That meant that you knew exactly what you wanted in life, and being in a relationship with an idol was not in your list.

He received the wedding invitation three months ago. When he saw your name written in the front he was worried that the others would hear his heart burst into a million pieces. It's over. There was no chance of winning you back now.

"Since the love that you left is all that I get"

It wasn't that you no longer loved him. You simply love him in a different way than he does. Changbin thinks that it hurts even more this way, because he can still remember how you used to love him. He can still remember your voice through the phone on his late nights.

Now all he has to remember your love are letters. You always wrote him letters. You would tell him that it felt more personal that way. He thought it was silly but it was one of the many things he loved about you. He held on to every single letter, sometimes he still reads them to remember when you loved him.

"If I can't be close to you, I'll settle for the ghost of you"

He knew he also had to move on. He tried it. No one could replace you. He brought his girlfriend to your wedding. His girlfriend was kind, beautiful, romantic, and she was everything a man could want. Except, she wasn't you.

You looked beautiful in your white dress, reading your vows to your husband to be. You probably hand wrote them, and all that Changbin could think about is that you still write letters, but they're no longer for him.

Your beautiful words are now directed to someone else and that thought alone makes him choke up. He refuses to cry though, he wants to be happy for you, but he can't help wishing that man holding your hand was him.

"I'd leave it all behind if I could follow"

If you turned to him in that second and told him that you still loved him, he would leave with you with no questions asked. He would simply get up and leave with you. He felt awful for feeling that way. His girlfriend didn't deserve that. Yet, he can't help but fantasize about your love and how it will never be directed at him anymore.

However, his heart will always belong to you.

"I miss you more than life"

Hyunjin - Creep (Radiohead)

"Couldn't look you in the eye"

Hyunjin never felt normal. That's why he escaped reality so often. Singing helps him forget. Painting helps him forget. You help him forget. He can always count on those three things to help him forget the world he lives in.

One would think he was perfect in every way, but he knew better. If people could see his brain, they would understand. Sometimes he's scared to look at you in the eyes, because maybe you could see the darkness in his.

You were always there for him. As a friend.

That's all he can ask from you.

"I wish I was special

You're so fuckin special"

He never felt safe on this earth until he met you. You were the light of his life and he always hoped he could be the light in yours, but that's unrealistic. Someone like him could never be a light.

You were so perfect. You always know what to say. He can't help but admire you. You have so many friends, and Hyunjin has nine. You had so many hobbies and passions that you enjoyed for fun, Hyunjin has hobbies to escape his own mind. You were beautiful in everyway, and Hyunjin thinks that's he's disgusting.

Those thoughts always haunt him.

"What the hell am I doing here?"

Panic always sets in at moments like these. His nails dig into his skin trying to bring himself back to reality.

"I don't belong here"

"Otw! :)" Your message read and he immediately calms down.

He wishes he could be with you all the time but he'll never tell you that. You would probably laugh in his face and cut him off and he wouldn't be able to handle that. He can't live without you.

"But I'm a creep

I'm a weirdo"

So there he sits in a room full of paintings of your face, paintings he made whenever he had a chance. Painting of you smiling, some when you were cooking, some of you when you were sleeping, and others of you naked.

Hyunjin has seen you in every way possible. But you don't know that. He tells himself it's okay because he loves you.

"Run."

~

A/N: That was a lot longer than i expected it to be. Also, I may have gotten a bit carried away w Lee Know's lol ! anyway thanks for reading !:)

[seungminhos]

my fossil stays who are still here (as a stay AND on tumblr) i love you.... let me give you a hug and a big smooch like MWAH.....

[faunandfloraas]

wait- hold on was about a pet dying?

Yeah....

[rhooboob]

me and my husband we are doing better

it’s always been just him and me together

[69shadesofzen]

❀•°❀°•❀

   𝕎𝕖𝕝𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕖 𝕋𝕠 𝕄𝕪 𝔽𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕣 𝔾𝕒𝕣𝕕𝕖𝕟

❀•°❀°•❀

Helloooo! Welcome to my beautiful flower garden! 🎕 My name is Kaizen, your poetic florist and book enthusiast. ❀ Feel free to explore the garden! I have lots to share with you! ✾

Ღ¸.🌸´𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭!`🌸.¸¸ღ

💐 Poetry

- Home Is Where The Heart is - Writers Block 🌺 Fics - Starcross Lovers 🌷 Book Reviews 🍀 Other Book Content 🌼 Discussions :)

[leenaur143]

🥰🥰🥰🥰

[jazz-the-writer]

I love side effects for everything she is. I truly do, by the end of the song I’m crying and hugging myself always. Why tf do you always do this and I am always so damn envious of whoever got to scream like that. I feel so heard I am jealous I can’t scream that way irl🫠 Chan why 😩 3racha why!!!!!!??!??😭😭😭😭😭

[youneverletmefalldown]

[minhosimthings]

Get ready bitches. It's Mona's Spotify wrapped time with the musical maniac herself hehe

The fact that my most replayed song is by Enha and my top artist is Skz is the most Stay-engene coded I can be. AND OMG CHACONNE MY HEART AND SOUL I KNEW IT WOULD BE MY MOST REPLAYED.

Also apparently I listened to Skz and Enha most in June, which is literally so random like bruh what (even though it's my birthday month hehe)

[marciego]

star lost | leonetta

happy (late) violetta anniversary and dcla gift exchange day to @musicallad !!! i was your partner this year and despite being late i had an absolute blast making this edit!! it was hard to follow your prompts in an edit format but i hope you'll see the stars reference, i hope you'll like your gift and once again sorry for being late <33

[kidrauhlschik]

Stray Kids as Sad Songs

Maknae Line

Han - Iris (The Goo Goo Dolls)

"And I don't want world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand"

It's no secret that Jisung struggles with his mental health. He always has and he's convinced that he always will. His anxiety makes him feel different from other people in the worst way possible.

His life got to the point where he is constantly on the edge, it is simply what he's used to. So, when you came into his life, the anxiety you caused him felt like home.

Everyone around him could tell that he was hurting and his life kept going from bad to worse, but he always failed to see your wrongs and flaws. To him you were perfect. You could see him for what he was and kept him grounded.

"When Everything is meant to be broken

I just want you to know who I am"

It's fine if you broke him down whenever he's happy. You were just protecting him for something worse. It's better to fall from a one story building rather than a fifteen story hotel. At least, that's what he always told himself.

Whenever he would approach you with the biggest smile on his face, beaming with excitement to show you a new song he composed, it was only normal for you to point out the flaws in his work. You were just watching out for him.

Afterall, he can't ever do anything right.

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies"

Whenever he would doubt your words of love, he always remembers that his anxiety is probably the reason he would ever doubt you. You would never lie to him right? You loved Jisung.

You loved him so much that whenever he would have a panic attack, you would dig your nails into his wrists to help him.

Once you drew blood he was finally able to breathe.

He loves you so much because you love him enough.

"Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive"

Felix - Evergreen (Omar Apollo)

"Was there something wrong with my body?"

While staring at the bottom of the glass, he ponders. Was it him? Were you right? He already had body dysmorphia. He already hated himself for the most part, but you made it so much worse.

He can remember fasting for three days, but he never got hungry. He only felt pride when the numbers in the scale dropped.

“She’s going to love me more.” is what he would tell himself as he pinched his gut.

The members were getting concerned. Felix had always been a small guy, but now he was skin and bones. If only he had told them the truth. They would have helped had he revealed what went on at home. If only they knew the names you would call him or the way that you’d treat him.

"Am I not what you wanted, babe?"

He tried so hard to be perfect for you, but it was never enough. Every time he looked in the mirror, he could see everything you would see as well. He had bad skin, his freckles were ugly, his eyes were too small, his face was too chubby, maybe you were right. Maybe he was so unlovable that he could only blame himself for the way that would treat him.

Maybe if he had been better, or stronger, or perfect. Maybe then, you’d still be with him.

He could only blame himself the night you left him.

If he was good enough. You’d still be there.

"I've cried, I've cried so much for you, baby"

Yet, he can admit how cruel you were. He can finally say that he doesn’t love you anymore, but the damage you cause ran deep. As awful as you were to him, he only felt resentment towards himself.

He doesn’t know who he hates more. You or him?

"You know you really made me hate myself"

If only he could disappear. He’d stop being an inconvenience to everyone. Maybe if he was dead, people would finally love him. There isn’t anything to hate if he can’t be a burden anymore.

He felt bad for his friends. You were probably right by telling him that they were only his friends out of pity.

That’s why he cut everyone off. They didn’t fight to keep the friendship. They were probably glad he took himself out of their lives.

Looking back, they always liked you. You were a different person when you were with them. Maybe he’s so hateful, that he caused you to hate him as well. What other explanation could there be for your treatment?

"Had to stop before I'd break myself"

He knows that he was slowly killing himself because of you. He wasn’t eating anymore, he was too fat. He never left the house anymore, what if someone saw his face? He didn’t have friends anymore, they don’t deserve to have to deal with him. He was drinking himself to sleep every night, it’s the only way he could cope.

At the end of the day, all he wanted what your approval. That’s the reason he sits alone at the bar. Maybe one day, if he became perfect, you’d love him again and he would finally be good enough for you.

"You didn't deserve me at all"

Seungmin - I Wish You Cheated (Alexander Stewart)

"Wondering where it all went wrong"

The road was dark and empty, which made it easier to speed. The music was unbearably loud, but that was fine. Seungmin didn’t want to hear his own thoughts.

What did he do wrong? He was the perfect boyfriend, wasn’t he?

To this day, he still loves you. He loved the way your eyes would glimmer when he walked through the door. He loved your bright smile when you spoke about something you loved. He loved everything about you, which makes things so much harder for him.

"I just need someone to hate"

How he wished that he could hate you. It truly pisses him off to think about you, but you’re always in his mind. The only thing he feels when he sees your face in his thoughts is heartache.

Even now, when his tears are making it hard to see the road, his only wish was for you to be there next to him.

"You and your goddam honesty"

Why were you always so blunt? Why couldn’t you just let him live in his delusions?

“I don’t love you anymore.” Were the last words you said to him before you cut the line.

You had blocked him on everything and told all of your friends to do the same, so closure was never an option.

He asked himself, how long can the pain last?

The pain had been his neighbor for the past six months. Maybe if he had gotten closure, or maybe if he knew what your reason had been, then he could rest.

All he had were good memories of the two of you. Which makes things so much worse.

Had you two argued, had he messed up, or had you found someone else, he would understand. He had absolutely nothing but questions.

"I wish you would have cheated"

What does he tell his friends and family?

Everyone knew of you. So what should his answer be when people ask about you? He doesn’t even know what happened.

He wonders what your reply to that question is. Do you tell people that there was fight? Do you tell everyone that Seungmin was a bad boyfriend? Or do you tell everyone the truth that he will never know?

"I wish I had a reason I could hate your guts for leaving"

If only you had cheated on him. He would be over you by now. Hatred instead of confusion. Was that too much to ask?

He wondered if his never ending list of questions would ever be answered. Was he going to grow old, never know the reason why the one that got away, left him?

Whatever happened to “together forever”?

A humorless chuckle escaped his lips at the absurdity of it all. After all, love is nothing but a joke.

"I wish you were the villain"

If love was real, you would still be with him. Had the promises meant nothing to you?

No matter what perspective in which he would try to read the situation, could help him. Unanswered questions and spilled tears is all he would ever have.

Even if he were to move on one day, you would always cloud the deepest side of his brain. After all, he still loved you. He just wished he knew the reason why you didn’t love him anymore.

"But you did nothing wrong"

I.N. - As the World Caves In (Matt Maltese)

"We're drunk a couple bottles, babe

and set our grief aside"

Alcohol always relieves the stress, which is exactly what the two of you needed.

Why cry when you could be making jokes about the situation?

The two of you were the only ones that knew about what was going to happen.

If it was up to you, you would be alone right now, but Jeongin insisted that it was this or nothing.

As selfish as you felt, you’re glad that he’s there with you. No one wants to be alone at moments like this one. No one wants to die alone.

"Here it is, our final night alive"

You had been diagnosed with stage four brain cancer three months ago. There was nothing medicine could do for you anymore. Which is what made you decide, that if you’re were going to go, it had to be on your own terms.

You had wanted to do it without Jeongin, but he was the one to bring it up first.

“I would rather die than to live in a world without you in it.” You tried to talk him out of it. You told him how foolish it was. He could move on. You wanted him to move on, you wanted him to grow old with a healthy girl who loved him as much as you did. You wanted him to have a family and to live the rest of his life with joy and laughter. Yet, he had other plans.

"And as the Earth runs to the ground

Oh, girl it's you that I lie with"

“We go out together or I go alone right after.” Was his ultimatum. You never agreed with the idea, but you know Jeongin.

“I pinky promise you right now. Whether it’s heaven or hell, I will find you.” His smile quavers a little with what you hope is doubt.

“Innie. Please stay back… I’m begging you to live.” The tears are now freely rolling down your face as you turn to look at him.

He holds your hand and gives it a slow kiss. “I’m not going to live without you. We said that we would be together forever and that’s what we’re going to do.” Nothing but determination drips with every word.

“Jeongin. I don’t-“ He cuts you off with a gentle kiss.

“I’m sorry, but im doing this whether you want me to or not.” A sad smile plays on his lips. Why is he so stubborn?

"As the world, as the world caves in"

Looking into his eyes in the middle of the night is the only think keeping you calm at this point. Hand in hand, all you can think about is how lucky you are, and how unlucky he is. Why couldn’t he be with someone healthy? Someone who could be with him in sickness and in health. Instead, he ended up with a cancer ridden girl that given the chance she would have chosen to die, sick or not.

"Oh we're going out in style, babe"

He tightens his grip on you hand and steps on the gas. Once the car is going fast enough for it to fly off the cliff on its own, he turns to you and holds your face in both hands.

“I love you.”

With a sob you’re able to respond, “I love you more.”

The sight of each other is the last thing either of you see before the world goes dark.

"Yes, it's you I welcome death with"

~

I wrote this on mobile so it might be funky and it’s definitely not proofread. Thanks for reading tho! ♥️