#i can’t get over bein called sweet tea \(//∇//)\ it’s so cute i love it sm hehehehe

[ferrethyun]

sigh, I will never get over the private tag you've given me TT you're simply the cutest ugh ugh <333 how was my sweet tea's day ?? have you eaten dinner yet ^*^ ??

-kari 🌱

kari my love! i’ve been good today hehe. got plenty of sleep after work last night but i haven’t had dinner yet T^T i’m currently at the climbing gym so i’ll be sure to get some when i get home ( ＾∀＾)

i hope your days been good so far n that you’re taking care of yourself ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ i love youuuu 🖤🤍🖤🤍

[lu-undy]

Chapter 101 - SBT

Here it is!

"Mon Dieu…"

"Yeah…"

Both were laying in bed like starfish on a beach, panting and catching their breaths. 

"You… Surpassed yourself… mon amour…"

"Did you-?"

"Oui…" Lucien put a hand on his chest to catch his breath. 

"You did…?"

"Oui…!" Lucien insisted. 

"You sure?" 

"Mundy…!"

"But I didn't touch you, I just-?" Mundy put his forearm on his sweaty brow. 

"I know…" Lucien closed his eyes. "I… know… I just… you were hitting the right spot, if you need… details…"

"I was…? I had no idea… God…" 

"Were my cries… moans… and whimpers… not enough?"

"You're usually… quite vocal…" Mundy answered.

"It is the first time… that this happens…" 

Mundy had grabbed his bottle of water from the night table and offered it to Lucien. They both pushed themselves to sit and took turns drinking. 

"Merci, mon amour."

[Thank you, my love.]

"Yeah, you’re welcome, Lu'."

They sank down in the sheets and naturally, Lucien laid his head on Mundy's shoulder. The Aussie wrapped an arm around him. 

"But really, you… did the thing without you or me touchin' you?" 

"Technically, you were touching me, just not with your hands and not where you are thinking." They exchanged a smile. 

"Guess so, yeah…" Mundy's hand stroked his lover. "Uh, did you feel it as strongly as when I do it… properly?"

"Even more so. The fact that you or I were not touching me made it stronger, more intense."

"Oh, ok."

"Don't worry, I shall reciprocate next time." 

They exchanged a smile.

"Can't wait. Speakin' of waiting, I hope I didn't make you wait too long at the restaurant."

"Long enough to be approached by another man."

"Seriously?!" 

"Is this jealousy I sense?" Lucien smiled. 

"What the hell does he think he's doin'? Did he annoy you? Why didn't you tell me while we were there, I'd have had a word or two with him…" Mundy tightened the hug, protectively.

"It is fine, I let him have his way and when he was deep enough in his own grave, I ended him."

"What? What's that mean?" 

"I flirted back with him until…"

"Until?"

"Until I resumed my normal voice. You should have seen his face, he was livid." 

"Pfff…" 

They both shared a laugh. 

"Still, next time, you tell me, alright?" 

"And what would you have done?" 

"Don't know… I'd have told him the truth, that you're mine, and no one comes near you." 

"Possessive?"

"Protective, and maybe a bit possessive…"

"Territorial, I like that in you, mon loup."

Lucien snuggled against his lover who combed his long hair with his fingers.

"May I ask, do you prefer me shaved?" 

"I don't mind. I like both. And it's not like you're super hairy otherwise."

"Yet I felt it, you made love to me differently tonight." 

"Hm… Yeah, felt different… Still does, I mean, look at you! Lost a few years without the beard and all, and those stockings… Gosh…!"

"Are you calling me old?" Lucien teased. 

"Nah… Vintage." Mundy tried to save himself.

"Vintage means old for clothes, Mundy…" 

"Yeah well… I'm not makin' it better, aren't I?" 

"Non." Lucien chimed with a smile. 

"And now you're gonna bully me ‘cause I said you're old, right?"

"Exactement."

[Exactly.]

"Well, fuck me then…" 

"I'd rather you did it to me, but not just now." 

"I didn't mean it literally!"

"Didn't you?" Lucien teased. 

"Pfff…" He laughed and kissed his lover's brow while holding him tight. "Love you, doll." 

"I like this new nickname." 

"What?" 

"Doll." Lucien answered, looking up at his lover. 

"It's usually a sheila's pet name."

"I don't mind, I like the sound and the connotations of it." 

"Really? Like bein' a doll, eh?" Mundy cupped Lucien's cheek.

"I like being yours, without a doubt." 

"Y'know what?"

"Pray tell." 

"The more I know you, the more I'm surprised how much you like bein' uh… like… not dominant."

"Oh?" 

"When I met you, you were so arrogant, so self-confident, so… argh! I'd never have imagined you could be that soft and all."

"Is that an issue?" 

"No, not at all, on the contrary. I love when you're bein' like that. Shows you trust me an awful lot." 

"I do." Lucien confirmed and as his head rose and fell to the rhythm of Mundy's breath, his eyelids felt heavier and heavier. 

"Lu'...?" 

"Mh?" 

"Thanks for tonight, everythin' was perfect, just like you." Lucien smiled with his eyes closed. Mundy looked down at the both of them. "You not gonna remove your stockings?"

"I am way too tired."

"And sore, eh?" 

"Non, actually…"

"Oh? Thought it'd be hurtin'."

"You went slowly enough and you had prepared me plenty, mon amour." 

"Well, gotta do that again then, and maybe we can go for round two next time…?" 

"Gladly." 

"You'd let me… do it twice?" 

"Mh-hm." 

"Should've met you when I was in my twenties…" Mundy said. 

"Mh?"

"Because I was unstoppable back then."

Lucien's eyes snapped open. 

"Are you saying that…?" He asked. 

"Yup. Literally had a bit of a reputation for it." 

"Quoi?" Lucien asked, surprised and Mundy chuckled with his low, gravelly laughter. 

"Used to be like that. It passed when I got older." 

"I should have met you when you were in your twenties then…"

"What?" Mundy asked and Lucien closed his eyes on his shoulder again. 

"I was the same…" 

"Seriously?"

"There are rumours, or rather legends about me."

"What do they say?" 

"That I have as many children as the number of women who laid eyes on me." 

"What?!" 

"Other less uhm… naturally gifted spies spread those words around. And instead of harming me, they made my fame and reputation." 

"Pfff…" Mundy chuckled. "I'm laughin' both for the story and for your voice."

"What about it?" 

"You sound sleepy as hell." 

"Do you have any idea how long it took me to shave everywhere and prepare myself? It was exhausting…" 

"Aw, poor you… C'mere, doll, gimme a good night kissy, eh?" 

Lucien raised his head with his eyes still closed and pushed his lips on Mundy's. 

"There, g'night, gorgeous." 

"Bonne nuit, mon loup." 

Mundy adjusted the cover on them both and closed his eyes. 

-- A few days later --

"That's very sweet of you, Mum, thanks." 

"Bah, anythin' to help you, Micky!"

They were both in the living-room, sitting side by side on the sofa. Perle was lying on Caroline's lap and Soot, on Mundy's. 

"Will he be much longer?" She asked. 

"Uh…" Mundy looked at his watch. "A couple of hours more."

"Ah, alright." 

"And you, Mum, how's it goin' with Dad? Is he alright?" 

Caroline's smile faded slowly as she put her cup of tea back on the coffee table. 

"He… We aren't in the best of terms at the moment." 

"What's happenin'?"

She sighed. 

"It's your father… When you told him about Lucien and you, he was quite upset. He stayed angry for a few days. Then he went to see Maurice. When he came back, he was just… empty."

"Empty?"

"Yeah, always looking at nothing, doesn't talk much. Sometimes I catch him just sitting on the couch and just… doing nothing. He's not watching the television or listening to the radio. He's just sitting there by himself, staring at nothing, thinking about God knows what…"

"Did you try and talk to him?" Mundy asked. 

"Yeah, asked him if he was alright. He always says he's fine and carries on."

"When did he go and see Maurice?"

"More than a week ago now."

"Crikey... And does he say anything when you come and visit here?" 

"Nope. Nothin'. Not even a 'hey' or a 'hello' when I come back. It's like he's living alone."

"Gosh… I-I'm sorry, Mum."

"What for?"

"It's all my fault and it falls on you again, although…" Caroline was about to answer when she got surprised by Mundy's sentence not ending there. "Even if I'm very sorry that it happens to you cause you got nothing to do with this, I… I'm not gonna change anythin'."

"What d'you mean?"

"I guess Dad expects me to go back and apologise and-"

"No, of course not."

"What?"

"You say that as if you did in the past, but it's not true, Micky. Remember when you used to go with the van, huntin' for days on end? Even if he yelled at you, you never stopped." 

"Doesn't mean I felt happy about how I got along with Dad because of it." 

"I know. But I don't think he is expectin' you to come back and apologise. Apologise for what? You're bein' a good boy…" She cupped his cheek and smiled, to which he grinned back. "And look at your smile… Y'know, I told your Dad about this."

"About what?"

"I never saw you smile half as much as I see you do now, since you're with Lucien." 

"Oh, really?" 

"Yeah! And the way you look at him all makes sense now."

"Mum…!" Mundy felt embarrassed, he lowered his head and hunched his back. 

"Nothin' to be ashamed of, I find you cute…!" Mundy blushed. "I know we never talked about boys or girls, but if you ever need to, I'm here for you." She patted his back. 

"Yeah… Thanks, Mum."

"How's it going for you and your Lu', eh? Guess it's going strong from that blush on your face…?"

"I-I don't know if I can say… It's uh… "

"Come on…!" She pushed.

"Hold on, before I answer you, is there anythin' I can do to help you, Mum?"

"With what?"

"With Dad."

Caroline sighed. 

"Nah, you did all you had to do. It's shakin' the old man but he gotta take it, eh."

"Thanks, Mum." He leaned to her and she wrapped an arm around him. 

"It's normal, Micky. It took me a bit of time to get used to myself, but hey, I did it. But tell me now, what's up with your Lu', eh?" 

"Mum, he's… fantastic. He's just… He's better than blokes in movies and all… He's the best thing to have ever happened in my life." Mundy sighed, lovestruck.

"Aww, Micky…" Caroline looked at her son, leaning his head on her shoulder, and smiled. "Never seen you like that, baby." 

"Cause I never felt like that…!"

"What did he do?" 

"He took me out, in the Maravilhoso, y'know, the Brazilian place in town."

"Oh, yeah, the one with the yellow flashy lights, yeah?"

"Yeah, that one." 

"So you got some dinner there?"

"We went separately and uh… Gosh, when I saw him, I… I fell in love with him all over again… I don't even know if that makes sense but I was feelin' like at the beginnin', y'know? Knees went to jelly, mouth was dry and weird. Couldn't speak properly."

"It does make a lot of sense, Micky. I felt that twice in my life."

"Oh, when?" 

"First, when your father accepted to take you in with me and raise you. The second time was when we changed our name, after the fire. I guess Maurice told you our new name, didn't he?"

"No, he didn't actually. Said I should ask you, back when I asked him."

Caroline smiled. 

"We sat with your father and took a long time to think. Maurice said to take something completely different from Turner, but also, something we'd recognise instantly. It'd be odd if someone called us by our names but none of us reacted, eh?"

"What did you go for in the end?" Mundy asked. 

Caroline grinned sweetly and raised her hazel eyes to her son.

"Mundee." 

Mundy's eyebrows jumped. 

"Really? Mundy?"

"Yeah, but spelt with double 'e' in the end, instead of 'y'." 

Mundy hugged his mother. 

"Guess you came up with the name, eh?" He asked.

"I think I did, I can't remember exactly now. But I remember that we both agreed without thinking. Anytime someone says 'Mr Mundee' or 'Mrs Mundee', I think of you and say a little prayer for you in my heart, baby." She hugged him back.

"Thank you so much…"

"Been missing you and your adorable smile, Micky. But I'm so happy now that you've found some peace." 

"Yeah, well… Doesn't seem fair. I get peace but Dad doesn't… By the way, why did he go and see Maurice? Was it just about Lu' and me?" 

"Nah, I'm pushin' him to change our name back to Turner. Feels weird not to have the same last name as you. Besides, that bad man's dead. Time for us to become Turners again. Also, we told the rest of the family that we uh… We actually were alive. We wanted to let them know and then maybe see them. It's a bit of a drive to go there, but it'd be nice to do it, at least for next Christmas, like we used to."

"How are they?" 

"They thought it was a bad prank and called the police on us…"

"You serious?" Mundy exclaimed.

"Yeah, and I understand. Imagine if I had called you to tell you the truth. You'd have picked up the phone and heard someone with your Dad's voice tellin' you we were alive. You'd have wondered who the hell is playin' a bad prank on you." She paused to catch her breath. "So I told your father to not call again, it was a bad idea to say such stuff not in person. But he insisted and called them again; got angry at them for not believin' him even. Next thing we knew, the police were knocking on the door. We explained everythin' and of course they didn't believe us. Took them days to come back to us and understand."

"Gosh… I'm sorry you had to go through all that mess. Your nerves are alright?" Mundy looked at his mother with worried eyes. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. I guess it's their nerves that took a slap, eh? Thank you, sweetie, for worryin', but I'm fine. Since you came back and that awful man's dead, I feel much stronger."

"Good to hear. Although, I'd prefer it if Dad was feelin' alright too…" Mundy lowered his head.

"Hey, baby…" She put a hand on his shoulder. "Not your fault, nothin' you can do about it. Let the old man think. He loves you, in his own way. He needs to find his new place."

"His new place?" 

"It's like the news you told him took him outside of himself. He needs time to find a new balance, a new place in his own head to accept all this. It's takin' him a long time, but your old man hates to change his habits; always been like that." 

"D'you think he will one day?" 

Their eyes met. 

"I hope so. It's sad enough to see him wanderin' in his own head, his eyes tired and empty."

"I'm sorry, Mum." 

"Don't be. He was there for me when I was low and now, I am here for him when he is. That's the vows we took, all those years ago." She smiled at her son. "It's easy to love when everything's fine. You truly love someone when nothing's fine but you stick to them nonetheless." 

He grinned back. 

"I think you're right, Mum." 

"Of course I am!" 

They chuckled and the cats slipped out of their laps. They trotted to the door and meowed repeatedly. 

"Ah, that'd be Lu'."

A split second after, the sound of a key on a lock and soon, the door opened. 

"Meow! Meow! Meow!" 

"Bonjour, mes bébés…! Attendez, je veux rentrer, attendez…!" 

[Hello, my babies…! Wait, I need to come inside, hold on…!]

Lucien shut the door after him and knelt down for the cats to drown him in headbutts, slow blinks and purrs. He let them have their way with him and dealt kisses and scratches, left and right.

"Mundy? Mon amour? I am home!" He announced from the entrance and Mundy blushed at the pet name being used in front of his mother.

"Yeah, come in, Lu', Mum's here…!" 

Lucien removed his shoes and jacket before joining mother and son. 

"Bonjour, Caroline, my apologies, I did not know you were here." He extended a hand to her but she pulled him into a hug, which the Frenchman reciprocated. 

"Hey, Lu'..." 

"Mundy…" 

They played it safe with a hug and some hand holding, out of respect for Mundy's mother. 

"You sit here, Lu'," Caroline said. "I'll go and get you a cup to get some tea with us."

"Please, Caroline, I can go and-"

"Mum, I can-"

"Sit! The both of you be good boys now and listen, yeah? I'll go and get you a cup. You're home from work, you're tired. You have a minute or so, I'll be back." Caroline's assertive, motherly voice shut both the men up and she did what she just said. 

"Mon amour, ça va? How have you been?" Lucien whispered. 

[My love, how are you?]

"Yeah, alright. Mum's visited me like that, we didn't really organise anythin'. That's why I didn't tell you anythin', sorry, luv'." 

"Please…" Lucien put a hand on his cheek. "There is no harm done. I like your mother, she is lovely." 

"Thanks, luv'." 

"How is she?"

"She told me that -"

"Here we are, boys…! A nice cup for you, Lu'. Ya don't mind if I call you, Lu', do you?"

"Not at all, I am honoured." He answered with a smile and gently bowed as he accepted the cup of tea that Caroline was handing him. 

"Aw, such a good boy…" 

"I was just asking Mundy how you were." Lucien said as he took a sip. 

"Not too bad, yeah." 

"Caroline, if I may…" 

"Yeah?"

Lucien put the cup down on the coffee table. 

"Your beautiful eyes don't shine as I know them to shine."

"Ooh, flatterer!" Caroline blushed. 

"What is on your mind? Is it something that we can help with?" Lucien offered. 

"Not really… It's Mike, he's a bit stuck on that last chat you guys had."

"I am sorry to see that it affects not only him, but also your sleep." 

Her eyebrows jumped and she looked at Mundy with question marks in her eyes. 

"Ex-spy, Mum, he can read stuff like that on your face like it's written in French…!" Mundy answered.

"Well, that's a surprise…" Caroline said. "But yeah, Mike's low mood is gettin' to me a bit. Nothing you lovely boys can do, though. It'll pass, I don't imagine him bein' stuck like that forever."

"If we can do anything, please let us know." Lucien put his hand on hers, on her lap, and Perle jumped on the sofa to brush herself on her grandmother.

"Meow…" 

"Thank you, all of you but it's fine, I promise. It's just makin' him wonder about a lot of things. We gotta give him some time, is all." She concluded. "But what about you boys?" 

"As you wish." Lucien answered. "Mundy must have told you, not much has happened since the last time you graced us with your presence."

"Oh, no, on the contrary!" She answered and both Lucien and Mundy's eyebrows jumped. "Micky told me he fell in love with you again!"

"Mum!" Mundy blushed to his ears and Lucien smiled.

"Yeah, you did…!" Caroline carried Perle like a baby in her arms and went to the coat hanger. She freed the lady cat who nonetheless stuck to her and meowed repeatedly. "Now, I'd better go back to my old Mike. Don't like to leave him alone too long."

"But of course." Lucien and Mundy went to the entrance. Lucien gave Mundy his mother's jacket and gestured to him to help her wear it. 

"Oh, yeah, here Mum…" 

"Good boy… Now, you two behave, yeah?"

"Meow! Meow! Meow!" 

"You too, babies…" She bent down to scratch Perle and Soot who were rubbing themselves on her. 

"See ya, Mum, and you be careful out there, yeah?" 

"Yeah, and see ya, boys." She hugged them one by one and left. 

"Your mother is absolutely charming." 

"Oi, watch it… She's my mum, eh?" 

"Don't worry, it's the son who stole my heart." Lucien smiled and came closer to his lover, splaying his hands on his chest.

"Glad to know…" Mundy hugged his lover and his hands slid down on his back until they slid in his back pockets.

"I see someone has been missing me."

"Course, I have. Y'know, I was - oh?" 

Both froze for a second when they heard a screeching meow from upstairs. They let go of each other and towards where the sound had come from. Mundy arrived first and opened the door to the cat room.

“Oh, bugger…” He shut the door straight.

“What is it?!” Lucien wanted to push Mundy aside.

“N-no, not now, Lu’...!” Mundy blocked the door and the cat screeching resounded again.

“That was Perle crying! What is wrong with her?! Let me help her!”

“Lu’! No! There’s nothing wrong with her, she… Soot and her need a minute…”

“Why?! What is happening there?!”

“They…” Mundy took Lucien’s head between his palms and put his lips next to his ears. “We might be grandpas again…”

“Oh…”

[jynzandtonic]

MEET THE BOYS: Clyde Logan

He thinks he’s jus’ broken. Unlovable. Plenty’a folks came home from the war—the war that people back home didn’t always remember happened at all—and was able to go on with their lives like normal. Plenty’a folks came with home with a mind that wasn’t always racin’, hell, came home with both hands. Maybe it’s the family curse. Maybe it’s jus’ him.

Clyde Logan—always softer, gentler, quieter than his football-star brother—went into his first tour Iraq barely outta high school and came out of his second tour an amputee, feelin’ like he’d never fit quite right in the world again. But then you show up.

If he’s bein’ honest, he sees your backside before he sees your front. You’re bent over the jukebox at Duck Tape picking out songs, and his ears perk up when he hears “Roll Me Away” by Bob Seger start playing.

He’s so nervous when you twirl up to the bartop in your high-waisted jeans, sayin’ hi handsome and lookin’ at him like he’s a T-bone steak.

His heart breaks a little when you order two bourbons, sure you’ve got a special someone waitin’ just out of sight—but then you lean in real close and push the second to him. “Bad luck to drink alone,” you wink.

He taps the rim of his glass to yours, his dark eyes sparkling in the warm light. “Well, to good luck, then. And a gal with great taste in music.”

“You ever think about how funny it is that Bob and the girl in this song never even talked? She just got on his motorcycle and rode away with him?” you ask.

“I don’t reckon I ever thought about it…” he muses. “But now that ya mention it…” His full lips press together and his brow furrows as he considers.

You tip your head back and laugh, and it warms his chest hotter than the bourbon. You smile, and he smiles too.

The hour's getting late, but you ask for a cup of chamomile tea and stay there chattin’ with him until last call. When he locks up, you’re right there by his side. He’s still worried he’s not enough for ya, that maybe you’re just takin’ pity on him. But when you grab him by the shirt collar and crush your lips to his, he kisses back hard—and he don’t stop till you’re both gaspin’ for breath.

The way you gaze up at him in the West Virginia starlight, Clyde knows. He knows he isn’t unlovable. You don’t look at him like he’s broken—cause he’s not. He’s perfect just the way he is. Without a word, you hop in Clyde’s truck, and he drives the both of you back to his place.

And this sweet, quiet man transforms under your touch. God, he’s so hungry for it. He has you again and again and again, lapping at your pussy between rounds as you drip with his cum. His lips barely leavin’ yours, he whispers that he wants to keep ya forever. You moan, and tell him that he can.

With your warm body curled up next to him, he sleeps better’n he has since before he was deployed… and he wakes up feelin’ like he slept in a field of four-leaf clovers.

Since you came around, Clyde don’t believe in bad luck anymore.

Snaccs: (lil’ headcanons)

Clyde is an honest man. True blue. And when it comes to the bedroom, he’ll always do his level best to tell ya if he likes something, even if it gets him a bit flustered and embarrassed.

You know how much he loves his Bob Seger tee, but you can’t resist stealing it from him every once in a while. It’s buttery soft and it always smells like cedarwood and musk—a scent that’s just so comforting and undeniably Clyde. Sometimes you tie it up in a cute knot to show off those high-waisted jeans that he loves so much, and other times you wear it around the house with no bottoms at all. Clyde loves that even more than the outfit with the jeans.

That boy gets some serious morning wood. If you’re around when he rouses, you’re in for a serious dicking. He won’t let you out of bed till he’s fucked you at least twice. At least. On weekends, you love to wake him by rubbing your ass against his stiff cock—or even better… by taking him into your hot mouth.

Sometimes, he gets nightmares—from his time in the war, from everything he’s seen. You hold him tight when he wakes from them, stroking his forehead and running your hands through his hair. You sync your breaths with him—deep and slow, deep and slow—till his become shallow again, safe in your arms.

Clyde’s a family man, and he makes sure to let you know that looks all sorts of different ways to him—whether it’s givin’ you his last name, a baby or three, adopting or fostering, taking in every three-legged shelter dog in Boone County, or growin’ a garden together. He’s just so damn happy to be sharing his life with you. You are his family.

Your bedroom soundtrack: Whole Wide World — Bahamas

Because Clyde would go the whole wide world just to find you. 🖤

(PS. Please do familiarize yourself with Bob Seger’s “Roll Me Away” and the fucking hilarious lyrical analysis via The Hairpin linked above. Like, I have Night Moves on vinyl and a bitch can still laugh at it. And yes, the Clyde x Reader meet-cute IS just an elaborate reference to that. Sue me.)

[phoenixmakeswords]

Behind the scenes of what caused Kai to finally leave his mother.

TW: Rape, human trafficking, CSA, physical abuse, self-harm

My head pounds when I blink my eyes open. Everything hurts. I know I shouldn’t have drunk so much whiskey last night, but I had to do something to get some sleep. I know it’s not healthy, but I don’t exactly have a plethora of resources. Not being what I am.

I can still feel their hands. Scrubbing my skin raw didn’t help. Chopping off my hair didn’t help. I can still feel their hands buried in my hair as they make me gag and choke. The thought alone makes me retch. I hate the men who rented me last night.

“Kai!” my mother shrieks.

That does wonders for my hangover.

Rubbing the back of my neck, I pad into the hall to see what she wants. The house smells like drugs. It’s filthy. I can’t do everything between work and being sold so she can buy drugs. I know it wouldn’t matter if I tried to do better; I won’t ever be enough.

She slams me against the wall.

“They complained about you,” she informs me. “I didn’t get paid as much as I was supposed to because of you.”

“What’d they complain about?” I don’t want to be here. Like, I don’t even want to exist at this point. Why should I keep existing if it’s just gonna hurt?

“Everything. They were extremely unsatisfied, Kai. Do you know what happens now?”

Yeah, I do. I get a beating.

“You’re not touching me,” I snap. I push past her and grab what I need to leave: My work tablet; my phone; my boots; my smokes, and my leather jacket. I’m not coming back.

I sprint to the only person who halfway tolerates me: Eirnin. Running hurts. But I have to. She might chase me.

My lungs throb as I pound their doorbell. I did something to my right ankle hopping over their low fence.

The door swings open to reveal a very grumpy-looking Fae. I probably should have taken my thumb off the doorbell at some point.

“Kai? What’s wrong?” they ask, softening. “Besides you trying to break my doorbell?”

“Can I crash here? I’m sorry. Did I—Were you in the middle of something?”

“What happened? Come in. It’s raining. You woke me up.”

“Do you ever wanna hit me?”

I didn’t realize it was raining.

I hobble inside unsteadily. My ankle hurts. My throat hurts. My everything hurts.

“No. I don’t. I mean, yes, you’re one of the most difficult people I’ve dealt with. But I don’t want to hurt you. What’s going on? Why are you having trouble walking? You smell like whiskey.”

“My mom. She tries. Really. I know she does. I could do better. I know that. I’m…hurt. I hurt my ankle jumping your fence, plus some other stuff. I’m hungover. Can I like move in? Permanently?”

They cock their head at me curiously. They haven’t glamoured their eyes yet. I love the warm chocolate color their eyes are naturally.

“Go sit. Get off your feet. I’ll bring an ice pack for your ankle. Where else are you hurt? As long as you behave,” they sigh.

I slink to their massive leather sectional. Sitting hurts.

“Where else are you hurt?” they repeat, sliding an ice pack under my ankle.

“I was raped, Eirnin.” I hate the ice in my voice. It’s not their fault.

Anger flickers in their eyes for a moment.

“How long ago?” they ask. Their voice comes out strained.

“Last night. It wasn’t the first time.”

“Do you want me to take you to have a rape kit done?”

I nod shakily. I didn’t think they would be kind. Not after how I’ve acted.

“I’m sorry. For everything,” I mumble.

“We can talk when we get home. Let’s get you taken care of, yeah?” They offer to help me up. I refuse. I don’t want anyone touching me.

“Go back with me?” I don’t want to be alone with the doctors.

“Of course.”

Getting up sucks. My ankle throbs and pulses when I try to stand on it. Everything else isn’t helping.

“I’ll put out as often as you want,” I mumble as I follow them to the garage. “Even the stuff I don’t like. I mean, I’m not really that into sex anyway. It’s tolerable with you, but it’s not something I really enjoy.”

They pause to put the ice pack away.

“I’m not expecting you to sleep with me in order to live here. Especially not the stuff you’re not into. I didn’t know you weren’t into it,” they assure me gently.

“So, you’re gonna stand me on the street corner and make me earn my keep that way? I just—It’s meh for me. Like, I get more out of knowing you enjoy it. I just—I’d rather watch a movie or something. I mean, I like getting off. I just prefer to not…have another person involved. Does that make sense?” I sit gingerly in the passenger of their nice white Chrysler.

“No. Kai, is someone pimping you out? It does make sense.” They shut my door for me before getting in the driver’s seat.

“Yeah. Um, you’re going in your pajamas?”

“Your mum? Getting you taken care of is more important. How’s your hangover?” They back out of the garage and down their somewhat long driveway.

“Yeah. She sells me and then beats me if I don’t do well enough. Men, women. Whoever will pay her. Been doing it since I was a kid.” I really need a smoke. “She uses the money for drugs. If I was just better, it wouldn’t be like this.”

“Oh, Kai. I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with that. It’s not your fault, boyo.” They smile gently. “How’s your hangover?”

“I haven’t thrown up.”

“You cut your hair.” They sound surprised.

“It looks bad, doesn’t it?”

“It, um, it could use some help.”

“I don’t want you fixin’ it.”

“Kai, I wouldn’t do anything to you.”

“I don’t want someone with the same…equipment as the people who hurt me touchin’ my head.” I glare but it’s half-hearted.

“Oh. I understand.” They don’t seem mad. Maybe a little hurt.

“I’ll look up videos and figure it out.” I sigh. “I’m sorry. I know you won’t do that.”

“I’m not upset.” They turn at the stoplight.

Anxiety knots my stomach as we get closer to the hospital. I’m scared to be checked out.

I have a panic attack during the exam. I don’t mean to. I know Eirnin probably isn’t happy with me. I know not meaning to is just an excuse and won’t help. I know they’ll probably hit me. I deserve it.

I’m given PeP pills and the number for the counseling center for assault survivors. I don’t know if I’ll call. Why would they help someone like me?

“Kai? You ready to go?” Eirnin asks gently, pulling me from my thoughts.

“Are you his significant other?” the doctor asks.

“Roommate.”

“Ah. Mr. Henderson, no penetrative sex for at least six weeks to give your injuries time to heal. No oral sex for at least three to four weeks to allow the damage to your mouth and throat to heal.”

“Not a problem, doc. Can I file charges?”

Eirnin arches a manicured brow in surprise.

“Yes, of course. I’ll have the cops come out and talk to you.” He smiles kindly before he leaves.

“Am I gonna lose my job?” I ask quietly.

“No, of course not. If you need some time off to deal and recover, it’s not a problem. I don’t expect you to come to work and act like everything is fine when you’re dealing with trauma. Whatever you need to do. Granted, I’m not Adrian, so he might say something different. I already called us both in for today.”

I didn’t expect kindness.

“Thank you.” I try to smile, but it feels mangled and broken. Just like me.

It’s a relief to get back to their place. The cops went with us to get my stuff. As long as they don’t know what I am, they’ll help me.

“You okay?” they ask once my stuff is inside.

“I need to smoke.”

I’m far from fine. I need five minutes to get it together before I break. If I fall apart, I don’t know if the pieces will go back together.

They find me sobbing on the back porch. I feel like I’m drowning in snot. My lungs burn from hyperventilating. I flinch, covering my head defensively. I don’t know if they’re mad. I don’t blame them if they are.

“Kai, give me the cigarette please,” they say quietly. I obey reluctantly.

I didn’t think they would be sadistic. I hold my hand out, palm down. My teeth sink into my lip as I wait for them to put the cigarette out on my skin.

They stub it out in the butt can they set up for me a while back.

“It’s okay. You could’ve—I know I’ve been bad,” I murmur.

“You’re a person. Not an ashtray or a punching bag. Or a sex toy with legs. You don’t need to worry about me hurting you,” they reply firmly. “I was afraid you might accidentally set your hair on fire. That was why I asked for the cigarette. I’m sorry. You’re safe.”

They kneel in front of me.

“I’m sorry. I—I had a panic attack. And—and I can’t—I can’t quit crying,” I hiccup.

“Kai, it’s okay. You’re safe. I’m not upset. I’m not mad. I’m right here.”

They stay until I’m calm. I still wait for them to hurt me.

“Do you want some warm tea?” they offer.

“Can I have some of your fancy Fae tea?”

“Allflower or dream lily?” They hold the door for me.

“Allflower. Gold.”

I like the sweet taste of gold allflower. It tastes kinda like a pear but not a pear.

I settle in at the white marble island. Their cream-colored Frenchie tip-taps around the kitchen happily. She’s so cute.

“Thank you. For doin’ this,” I mumble, tracing the veins in the marble.

“I wouldn’t have let you be homeless. Earl Grey? I’ll get you set up in one of the guest rooms.”

“I figured you’d turn me into a squirrel or somethin’. Yeah. Can I stay in your room? I don’t—Alone isn’t good.” I just got clean. It’s been a week since I last cut. And I wanna throw it away. I need the control. Because my world is just spinning off its axis.

“Will that be good for you mentally? I’m not expecting you to do anything. Okay? You can just exist in peace. How are you doing?” The glance they give me asks what they don’t.

“I don’t know. I know bein’ alone won’t be. I can do other things if you change your mind. I’ve been solid for a week.”

“Kai, no. I don’t want you to put out. Okay? A week is really good!” They set a tea bag on the counter before putting a kettle on to boil.

“I’m offering so you won’t make me miserable. Figured if I didn’t offer, you might just take it. It’s the longest I’ve gone.”

“I’m not a rapist. I’m proud of you!” They grin at me.

“Thank you. I, um, if I bring up a pic of a haircut, do you think you could do it?”

“I’m not a stylist, but I can try.” They smile gently. “So, what happened between us? Things had been good. Really good. You were one of my best friends. We were talking a relationship. I tried to have a bit of fun. What happened?”

I don’t want to explain. I don’t see how it will matter.

“I wanted to dye my hair as a control thing. As a way to get some control over my life. Why do you think I hurt myself? When you played your prank, you were just one more person in my life takin’ my control away. I was hurt and angry. I couldn’t believe you would do somethin’ like that. I felt like you did it to make fun of me. To hurt me. I acted badly. I know that. I wanted you… to leave me alone. I was in love with you. And I figured that maybe you didn’t feel the same way and just wanted sex so that was why you did it,” I mumble, staring at the island. I can’t look at them.

“You could have just told me that. I was in love with you too. I didn’t understand why you suddenly hated me. Kai, your behavior was very hurtful. You were abusive towards me.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t exactly have great communication skills. I’m sorry. Seriously.” I smile uncertainly. “I’m gonna do better. I don’t wanna be her. And I probably need therapy.”

“I noticed. We’re good. Okay? I mean, I don’t trust you, but we can rebuild. I think you do. How are you feeling?” They pour water from the kettle into two mugs. They add a pinch of dried allflower to mine before passing it to me.

“I’m glad. If I can find one who takes screwed-up werewolves, I’ll go. Drained. Broken. Like I got hit by a semi.”

“You wanna lie down and I’ll hold you?”

I don’t cuddle. I think I’ve maybe cuddled with them twice. They love it. It’s one of my least favorite things about sleeping in their bed; they wrap all their limbs around me like an octopus and I can’t move.

“No. I don’t want touched,” I tell them. I wait for some sort of retaliation. Some sort of blow up.

“Then I’ll respect that.”

Yeah, sure. Things like me don’t get respected. Things like me don’t get treated nicely. I’ve been reminded of that fact my entire life.

“You didn’t glamour your eyes.”

“Getting you help was more important than my vanity.” They pick at the chipped maroon polish on one of their nails.

“I like the color of your eyes when you don’t.”

What am I doin’? I wonder, sipping my tea. It’s wonderful.

“You do?” They sound pleased.

I nod. I don’t know how to tell them I could drown in the liquid chocolate pools. I don’t know if I can.

“Maybe when you’re better, we could go out?” They’re trying to sound nonchalant, but they’re tracing the edge of their mug with their pinkie like they do when they’re nervous.

“Maybe. No promises. If I’m good for you.” I’m not good for anyone right now.

“If you’re not, then we won’t. If you need help with your shower or anything, it’s cool. I won’t do anything. I promise.”

“I need you to keep an eye on me. Please. You leave me alone with anything sharp and it ain’t gonna be pretty.”

“I got you.” They smile gently.

I decide to be useful after supper and wash the dishes. They’re outside with their dog. There’s no knives. They even locked the silverware drawer so I can’t get to one.

Lost in my thoughts, I don’t hear them come in until they call my name from behind. I drop the mug I was washing. I watch as it falls in slow motion to the floor, shattering into pieces against the tile.

Crap. Crap. They’re gonna be furious. I’m in so much trouble! Maybe they won’t break any bones, I fret, curling up on the floor. Maybe if I make myself small enough, they won’t hurt me. Ceramic shards slice my palms and my knees, crunching beneath me as I press against the cabinet.

“Kai! You need to get up.” Their voice sounds like they’re underwater. Probably because of the blood rushing in my ears.

They hurry towards me, ceramic crunching under their fancy leather shoes. I whimper as I cower away from them. I hope they don’t kick me. I brace expectantly for some sort of pain.

“Sorry! Sorry!” I whisper.

“I’m not mad. You need to get up.” They reach for my hand and I recoil, bashing my head on the cabinet behind me.

My jeans are damp. Great.

“Oh, Kai. Give me your hand,” they sigh. “You’re gonna hurt your—Never mind. I’m not gonna hurt you, boyo.”

They crouch in front of me. They’re too close.

“I peed my pants,” I whisper.

“Can I help you up?” Their tone is gentle. They don’t seem mad. Their breathing is calm.

I let them help me. I wait to be shoved back into the shards.

“I’m sorry,” I murmur.

I don’t deserve help. They’ll probably beat me once my mess is cleaned up.

“I’m not mad.” They’re being patient.

“Do you want me to go get my belt? It’s fine. I’m used to it. I won’t hate you.”

“No. I’m not beating you. You—I scared you and you dropped a mug. If anyone should be upset, it’s you.” They lead me to the table by my elbow. “Sit. I’ll be right back.”

I obey. I don’t want them to hurt me. I didn’t mean to be bad. It was an accident.

They come back with a broom. My stomach drops. I’ve been beat with a broom before. I won’t be walking for a while after this; they’re stronger than my mother.

“Please. Please don’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” I plead.

“I’m just cleaning the glass up. Did she hit you with a broom?” They keep their tone gentle.

I nod. I’m pathetic. I deserve being beat and kicked and sold. I deserve being screeched at and told how stupid I am. I deserve them beating me.

“Kai, no. I won’t hurt you. You’re safe. I’m not mad, boyo,” they soothe.

I know I’m probably wearing on their nerves. I’ve been here less than 24 hours and I’ve already broken a mug.

“I’m sorry. I’m not tryin’ to be difficult. Or be bad.”

“You’re doing fine, okay? I’ll help you clean up as soon as I’m done sweeping.”

I nod.

Whatever happens, I deserve it.

I flinch as they examine my hands. Their warm, soft hands are gentle as they clean the shallow cuts. My palms hurt.

“I’m sorry. I’m trying to be careful,” they assure me.

“Do you have any fancy Fae stuff you can use?”

“You mean Elven medicine?”

“Same thing.”

“Do I look like I have pointy ears? ‘Sides, Elves are white like you.” They smile teasingly.

“Sorry. It really hurts.” I don’t complain about pain often. The last time I complained before today was when I had my ribcage tattoo done.

“I know. I’m sorry for digging around. I’m trying to make sure there’s no pieces in there. I’ll peroxide them and I have a balm we can use. It’s silver-free. I actually got it just in case you needed it.”

It does something to me knowing they got a special balm in case I needed it. I didn’t think anyone cared that much. I feel special. Shocked. Touched.

“Could I hug you?” I ask.

“As soon as I’m done.”

“How’d you learn this? I mean, it’s not like you didn’t have people in the Court to do this.”

“Willow’s family taught me. Being kicked out means I had to learn to do a lot of things. Not like I can just run to a hospital and have them poke at me. Pretty sure my reaction to steel would freak out a human doc. I need help, I have a couple of Elves on speed dial. I need to see the ones on your legs.”

“Yeah, that would freak them out. I need clean pants anyway.”

I hope they know how much trust this is taking right now.

They don’t comment on the amount of scabbed over cuts as they clean the shallow slices from the mug. I’m trying to remember how to breathe. If they were to do something, I can’t get away right now. I have them in front of me, the linen closet on my right, and the bathroom sink on my left.

They stop touching me.

“Kai, it’s okay. You’re safe. Would you feel more comfortable cleaning them yourself?” they say quietly.

I forgot they can read emotions.

“You’re almost done,” I mumble.

“Do you want me to keep going? Or would you feel better if you did it?” They don’t seem mad.

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” I feel like I’m starting to check out. I do that sometimes when I’m really stressed or scared. It happens a lot during sex, especially if I bottom. Or if I’m trying to give someone with a penis oral. Even Eirnin, and they’ve been nothing short of kind and gentle with me.

They wait until I feel calmer to ask again.

“Um, I’d be less stressed if I did it,” I whisper.

They press the warm washcloth into my hand with a smile before standing.

I didn’t think they would be nice to me.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“No. Kai, it’s okay. I’m gonna get the salve out, okay?”

If I can believe they’ll keep being good to me, I’d love to stay here forever.

[6ad6ro]

im watching the projared explanation vid rn n i'm gonna keep adding to this as i watch. think of this as like real-time commentary? even tho it’s not real-time at all like i’m just pausing the video to make lil comments. here’s vid btw. but geez it'd be weird if all he did was cheat (like it's icky i’m def against cheating... but how would that matter to you if it doesn't involve u personally?).

TLDR (this was written after the fact): i’m rly leaning towards believing him about not doing the underage stuff. and i wished i had listened to my initial gut on that. i could care less about exchanging nudes with fans if they were 18+. i also could care less about any relationship drama. anyways i watched all of it and wrote a LOT. it’s kinda interesting (not rly) to see my opinion change over the course of the writing? i was really tearing into jared at first ahaha. but i’m putting it under a readmore. it’s not written well at all so read if you dare...

just started watching. first of all i will say it feels very scripted (is he lying/acting/performing? or is it just well thought out??) idk and LOL at him purposely looking unshaven and like a mess... like THAT was at least on purpose and makes me immediately not rly trust him? but idk i can't actually judge him based on this rly... then again what a sappy fucking thumbnail.

aw geez IT'S LIKE HE'S DOIN A REG COMEDY VIDEO like stop acting dude? i know he's... well he’s weird and seems like a very “scripted” person if that makes sense? but... it's just a rly weird move to try and make a "here's the real story/apology" video this way. not how i’d do it at all (and i’ve been there to a much lesser degree so)...

oh and i know he's SUPER mad at the two (at the time) underage ppl? and justifiably so if they lied. but idk his claim that the only reason for them to remove their accusation posts was "bc they held no water and they knew the timing was right to safely do the most damage"? uh dude you're one of the more well known youtubers like IMAGINE all the ppl that were harassing these guys? well at least they were both lgbtq etc and the gaming community has a traditionally open mind about that (sarcasm).

btw i kinda hate the term "the tea" too? soo much. but just bc it's another appropriated term white kids overuse... but even still i probably wouldn't have opened up a vid like this... well i'll just say it... was he straight up pointing the finger at gay ppl etc for harassing him n bein shallow n only enjoying the drama etc? like idKKK it just felt like he was calling out sassy gay ppl ONLY like why did he even say that??

yeah bc straight white gamer dudes NEVER gossip about drama. they NEVER act shallow. dude ur fanbase is like... some of the most shallow, gossipy ppl out there. i can't TELL you how many AWFUL videos i watched of your fans n other youtbers talking about you. and how... INSANE? it was? that they only rly called you out for "cheating on your cute wife" bc the accusations of underage shit n manipulation yeah nbd! but god forbid you cheat on your "attractive cosplay wife".

srry i'm rly tearing him apart here... i'm not meaning to. almost every gaming personality has shit fans. even i? me. a nobody. have to double check new followers to see if they're nazis etc? it's so common... anyways i'm not actually damning him in any way yet even if i'm bringing up so many lil issues i have w this vid lol srry?

btw i used to follow his tumblr. there was WEIRD shit going on, esp right before it shut down. like the "i got hacked" thing seems really convinient? IDK srry it's just my gut but he reminds me of sociopaths etc i used to be friends with. how he explains things and talks... like they all sound a lil like dennis from always sunny? idk my gut is tellin me he's full of shit i'm sorry. gonna keep watching. wait he really WAS hacked? i mean i guess i believed he was hacked at first bc the guy posting awful shit and claiming to be a pro-hacker was... well he was too crazy to be made up. a real fucking maniac loser.

as time is going on, unless all of this stuff is fabricated? he seems ro have found a crazy amount of proof that he didn't do the underage stuff. like... maybe the weird vibes he gave off is this stuff drove him insane? like... i’ve been friends with/dated quite a few fucked up, gaslighting assholes? trying to figure out what the fuck is going on can drive you a little nuts. he's kinda winning me over here a lil... again if the underage/manipulation stuff is untrue? i could care less about the other stuff. and i LOVE ross? but srry... who cares about that other stuff...

to explain what changed my mind: most ppl that he reminds me of are sociopaths etc. or rather, people that really fucked my life up. so i have a lotta baggage regarding them? and they're bigger in my mind than the other types. i won't lie the way he explains things and argues points REALLY bugs me? but i know ppl like that who are good people. or at least not psychopaths. immature, basic idiots at the worst (not that im callin HIM an idiot). anyways that alone doesn't make him guilty. watchin more now.

i was about to bring up that its actually really... cool? that he's focusing on the underage shit rather than the cheating/drama? bc thats all that needs to be explained rly? but LOL he just got to the "game grumps" part n in losing it. am i rly about to drown in this drama? fuck dude lol noooooo....

okay finished it. fuck man idk i feel stupid. right at the start i even was like "noooo he couldn't have!" but the underage stuff is like... like that shit makes my brain boil n stop working n go into “ill kill him” mode. and jared was so silent and so i figured he was doing damage control (ignoring it until it went away) rather than research to show people this was all fake/getting legal advice?

i kinda think he didn't do any of the real icky shit. i still get a vibe he might be a weirdo. and i don't think heidi necessarily made ALL of that stuff up? and i could care less that he was getting sexually involved w his fans like even I have been flirted with due to running a game gif blog (god knows why). and like FUCK it's so normalized for ppl in bands to sleep w fans? so why on EARTH would people think youtube gamerz are “too good for that”? anyways...

my point is, i think i mighta been wrong about him n the underage stuff. idk what to believe about the other stuff? the only thing i know for sure is that ross o'donovan is a very sweet n nice guy. and i'm so glad the drama between him and jared was imagined. it was prob just shitty to have fans ask him about it over and over...

okay lol if you just read all of this please go do something more fun and interesting now lol! i'm gonna put this all under a readmore and put a tldr on it! and... go to bed bc fuck its 2am OOPS!

[transbcyfriend]

heh. punk. answer the mlm asks... all of em. :sunglasses:

damn that’s pretty gay of u huh :///

answers are under the cut!

1.) Do you like resting your head in a boys lap, or on his shoulder?

answered here! 

2.) Sweaters or hoodies?

both are good! hoodies are fun tho bc Pockets

3.) Netflix or clubbing on a Friday night?

i’ve never been clubbing so idk if i’d like it, so ig until i know if i do, netflix njfskjfgd

4.) Denim or leather jackets?

both are also good! i like denim tho bc they’re easier to put patches and pins on, but leather Sexy so nfshfsddj

5.) What’s your favorite thing about boys?

WHEN THEY’RE TENDER.....ALSO WHEN THEY’RE EMBARRASSED. if a boy wraps his arms around my arm and walks around with me, or if he starts getting stammery and blushy when i pull his chair out for him or give him flowers or something, my heart gushes

6.) How do you like your tea?

i like it hot! with or without honey/sugar, doesn’t matter to me, both are good.

7.) How do you like your coffee?

answered here!

8.) Favorite fall color?

don’t have one bc all we got out here in the desert is brown! i don’t see jack shit but dirt all day! but from what i’ve seen in pictures n shit, i like orangey/reddish/yellow tones, when the leaves change

9.) Can you drive?

yea!! it’s scary in downtown cities, but otherwise, it’s alright. apparently i drive like a grandpa, but like whatever, i’d rather be safe than totaled njfsdjf

10.) Do you have a crush?

yeeeaaaaa ,, 💙

11.) What’s your favorite sport?

don’t really have one! not too big on sportsball. i hear hockey’s pretty good, but i’ve never seen a game and i’m not Too Interested in the first place, so. shrug

12.) Are you a pastel, neon, or neutral color mlm?

answered here!

13.) Do you wear makeup?

rarely, but yes! every once in a while if i’m feelin a little spichey. otherwise no -- if people call me she it makes me wanna McDie, so. y’know

14.) Do you like boys taller or shorter than you?

i like em shorter, but like. i’m fuckin Short to the point i have to climb up my own damb counters to reach a fucking cup, so i can’t really afford to have a preference. tall is good though! i don’t mind it uwu

15.) Do you prefer hand kisses, or nose kisses?

BOTH GOOD BUT. CONSIDER. FOREHEAD KISSES

16.) What’s your favorite cologne smell?

musky ,,,,, Foresty Good

17.) Ideal date?

wandering neat little hole-in-the-wall places, a picnic, going through an art museum, shit like that! jus cutesy stuff

18.) What’s more romantic: cabin getaway, or tropical vacation?

CABIIIIIIN

19.) What’s your favorite mlm movie?

haven’t rlly seen any! i wanna see some tho, but i’ll have to poke around for some good ones

20.) Do you believe in love at first sight?

nah -- i mean maybe durin a first meeting, but at sight? hm. skeptical

21.) Have you ever been in love?

mmmmmhm, 💙

22.) Do you like sitting in a boys lap, or do you prefer when a boy sits in yours?

i Prefer to have them sit in mine

23.) Metal or cloth bracelets?

cloth! it’s friggin hot out here, metal burns

24.) What’s one of your favorite memories of being in love?

mm,,,, don’t really have a specific favorite memory, jus. a feelin, more like. the tight chest feelin, the butterflies in your stomach feelin, the feelin of like it’s hard to breathe but like, In A Good Way? tastey

25.) Do you tilt your head to the left or right when you kiss?

i just go the opposite of wherever they go! unless they Purely let me lead, then i mean. to the left ig? the left i think

26.) Would you like to take his last name when you marry?

mmmm it depends. as much as i don’t like my family, my last name means a lot to me, so like. Hm. dunno

27.) Do you want kids?

YES. ABSOLUTELY 100% YES. i wanna be a good dad some day, whenever i’m ready n feel like i’m equipped enough to take care of em. 

28.) Do you interlock fingers when you hold hands?

some people don’t interlock fingers when they hold hands???? that’s a thing???

29.) What’s a compliment you’d love to receive from a boy?

from a lover? anything reassuring, especially if it involves me bein brainweird. makes me feel safe and comforted knowing that my pd isn’t gonna make ‘em leave me. from a stranger? idk, something about me being Masculine, that’d get me

30.) What’s better, waking up to him in the morning, or falling asleep next to him at night?

falling asleep next to at night, hands down

31.) Any turn offs?

mmm......definitely being inconsiderate, lack of open communication, or trying to force me to do anything major (i.e. pressure me to move in with him and not allow me to voice concerns if i have any, pressure me to look a certain way or act a certain way, just. controlling behavior like that, i don’t fuck with that shit)

32.) What makes you blush?

soft and tender shit ,,,, if you rub your thumb over the side of my hand while you hold my hand, or if you like. bring me a cup of coffee along with your own if i haven’t woken up yet, or just. like, little gestures ig, those make me soft

33.) Coffee shop or dog park date?

BOTH? BOTH? BOTH. BOTH IS GOOD

34.) Big spoon or little spoon?

little spoon, actually! i like to be Enveloped, makes me feel cozy. but, if the other person prefers little spoon, then i don’t mind being big spoon uwu

35.) What first catches your eye?

personality! given, i do like a shy and sweet one, but as long as they seem interesting and considerate, it’s not uncommon for me to gain interest

36.) Would you enjoy it if he bought you flowers?

PLEASE.

37.) Do you think matching couple outfits are cute or cheesy?

kinda cheesy, but i definitely don’t mind it. i might laugh a little about it at first, but will i complain or try and convince you out of it? nah

38.) Have you ever asked a boy out?

10 days ago exact so, yea fairly recently

39.) Which is cuter, him being confident, or shy?

SHY.......SHY AND SWEET TYPES. HOT.

40.) What’s one of your fave love songs?

like real people do and work song by hozier make me fuckin yearn. those two slap my knuts

[askalt2d]

Sweetness

Over a cup of mid-afternoon tea, 2D pauses in his recounting of Susan from daycare’s daily dose of gossip to check his phone. “Oh, I got a notification from the coupon site fingy– it’s couples night at tha’ fancy Italian place.” He looks up, excited. “I know it’s not, like, official date night ‘til Friday...but–”

Stuart smiles. “A nice dinner out sounds lovely.”

2D surges up to give his husband a kiss, nearly upsetting his teacup in the process. “Aw, Stu, fank you!”

With their tea forgotten, they begin to plan their evening.

Ever the enthusiastic aunt, Noodle immediately agrees to watch Parker for the night– “We’ll do our hair and mess around on your papa’s keyboard, Twochie!” she’d said to Parker over the phone, and had been quickly shot down on the second part by 2D– and she comes to pick up her niece just before sunset.

“Don’t get into too much trouble, you two,” she warns cheekily, buckling Parker’s car seat into her Jaguar.

2D grins. “No promises!”

Given the circumstances of the month, though, they’re bound to keep that promise either way.

The Pots dress to the nines, even though it’s only a local restaurant. Stuart wears the cornflower tie from their wedding with a crisp black suit, and 2D even tucks a pocket square into the breast pocket of his sleek navy jacket.

“You look stunnin’, bluebird,” Stuart murmurs as their taxi pulls up. 

2D blushes and gently shoves his shoulder. “Ya ain’t too bad yourself, love.”

The two of them kiss in the cab ride to dinner, but it isn’t lustful or wanting– quick, sweet pecks and a soft meeting of their lips instead of Stuart’s tongue down his husband’s throat. The driver glances back disapprovingly a few times, and 2D bursts into giggles, blushing like a teenager at being caught.

When they arrive, and after generously tipping the cabbie, Stuart takes 2D’s hand like a real gentleman and leads him inside.

Soft candlelight and dimmed electric lamps light the warm interior of the restaurant. There’s music playing– classical, not really to their taste, but it suits the mood. The tables are draped in red and adorned with a single fabric rose each. Only a few other couples are present, given that it’s a Wednesday night, so the Pots are led to a free table right away.

“Remember when we took Parker ‘ere,” 2D says, once the waiter leaves, “an’ she spit up on the menu?”

Stuart holds back a snort of laughter. “That was here?”

“Yep! We were sittin’ just over there.” He points to a table near the front of the restaurant. “Ya tried feedin’ her mashed potatoes...”

“You’re the only one who can convince her to eat food she doesn’t like, bluebird.” Stuart grins and takes a sip of his wine. “I really think you’re her favorite.”

2D’s face falls comically fast. “Oh, Stu, don’t say tha’!”

“I was jokin’, love.”

“Yeh, but still...” He reaches across the table and takes his husband’s hand. “She loves ya so much, Stu. She loves both of us equally, I jus’ know it. Yeh, I can get ‘er to eat nasty stuff, but you– you change the batteries in ‘er hearin’ aid so quick an’ delicate while my fingers just shake all over the place. You never panic when she gets overwhelmed an’ starts screamin’, ya just hold ‘er and sing and it works like magic.” 2D smiles softly at him. “You’re a good dad, Stu– you’re a great dad.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeh.”

Stuart leans over the table to kiss his husband. “I think you’re great, too.” 2D hums happily into the kiss, letting the rest of the world melt away. Stuart’s lips are warm and a little bit chapped, tasting of the wine he’d been sipping and of Stuart’s own underlying sweetness.

There’s an embarrassed “Er...” from above them. 2D pulls away, blushing, as the waiter politely examines the ceiling instead of the kissing couple. “Are we ready to order?”

“Spaghetti, please,” 2D says, dabbing his lips with his napkin. He peeks up at Stuart, and stifles a laugh. His husband still looks a bit spellbound. “Love? Wot d’ya want?”

“You– er, I mean, what you ordered. Same thing. I– yeah.” His face is flushed. 

As soon as the waiter leaves, 2D kicks him gently under the table. “Frisky.”

“I didn’t mean it in a randy way,” Stuart mutters, a bit embarrassed. “At least, not completely.”

“Well,” 2D says in a very matter-of-fact way, reaching for the bread, “ya can’t eat me for dinner. I ain’t very nutritious, I’d imagine.” 

Stuart huffs out a fond sort of sigh. He picks up a packet of butter and warms it in his hands before handing it to 2D. “Hush and eat your bread, bluebird.”

Both their spaghettis arrives not long after, and despite it being an accidental order on Stuart’s part, he isn’t disappointed at all in his meal. He and 2D both fall silent for a long while, with only the clink of forks serving as conversation. The pasta is warm and buttery, with a rich, meaty tomato sauce over the top. With that and with the bread as an appetizer, it’s no wonder that once 2D clears his plate, he settles back with a bit of a groan.

“Mm?” Stuart raises his eyebrows, mouth still full of spaghetti.

“Tummy ‘urts a bit,” 2D says, shifting in his seat. “Fink I ate too fast...or too much. Or both.” He suppresses a small burp.

Stuart sympathetically pats his husband’s hand. “Wanna go home?” he asks once he’s swallowed his spaghetti. “I know we planned an evenin’ walk in the park after dinner, but if your stomach hurts, then we can just go right home. Watch a film or somethin’, maybe?”

“It’s so lovely out, though.” 2D bites his lip. “I– I wanted to stargaze for a bit. Snog on a park bench, look up at the sky...” His stomach interrupts with a loud gurgle, and he goes red with embarrassment. “Don’t. Laugh.”

Stuart puts his hand over his own mouth, but his eyes sparkle with laughter nonetheless. “Aw, bluebird...”

“I-it ain’t funny!”

“It’s a bit funny.”

“You’re bein’ mean, Stu. Mean an’ cruel an’ rude.”

Getting a hold of himself, Stuart lays a hand on 2D’s crossed arms. “I’m sorry, my love. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Belly rubs when we get home?”

2D pretends to mull it over, but his decision had been made the second the words left his husband’s mouth. “...Yeh, alright.”

As a further apology, Stuart pays for their dinner. He calls another cab for them, and 2D nearly dozes off on the short ride home, his head leaning heavily on Stuart’s shoulder.

The house is quiet and empty, a rarity these days. Stuart flips the lights on as 2D shrugs his jacket off and makes a beeline for the sofa. He undoes the top button of his trousers and sighs with relief. “These fings’re too restrictitive,” he mutters as Stuart joins him, turning the TV on to a random movie channel. “Now I get why I don’t wear ‘em much...”

“We don’t have much occasion to dress up much, anyway,” Stuart says, gently guiding 2D to lie down with his head in Stuart’s lap. “Though I gotta say, you look damn handsome all dolled up.”

2D wriggles, getting comfortable. “You’re always ‘andsome.”

“So are you, you big flatterer.” He leans down to kiss his forehead, and starts rubbing gentle circles on his belly. “Feel better?”

“Mm-hm...” 2D hums happily. He’s silent for a bit, warm and content. Stuart’s hands feel like heaven on his aching stomach, rubbing his pain away and nearly lulling him to sleep. 

After a few long, blissful minutes, Stuart moves the massage upwards, working the knots out of 2D’s shoulders. A deep groan drifts from his husband’s mouth. “Blimey, Stu,” he sighs, opening one dark eye to peer up lovingly at him, “wot’d I ever do to deserve ya?”

He’s silent for a moment. “You smiled at me,” Stuart finally starts, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “You smiled at me, and you sang under your breath, and you laughed at your own jokes, and you made me fall in love with you. You changed my mind about wantin’ to start a family, and you gave birth to the most beautiful little baby I’ve ever seen. Our baby. Our Parker.”

2D’s eyes are welling up a bit, but Stuart keeps going. “You kiss me goodnight and good mornin’ every day. You sing in the shower. You walk around naked when your laundry’s in the wash because you don’t want to get even more of your clothes dirty in the meantime. You fall asleep while watchin’ your favourite films and then get sad that you missed the best parts. You leave scribbled song lyrics all over the house. You always tell me about cute dogs you’ve seen– even if you only remember to tell me when we’re in the middle of havin’ sex.”

“Tha’ was one time!”

“You dirty talk like a damn professional,” Stuart continues. “You make such pretty noises when– well, I don’t want to push the whole, er, no nut thing. But damn, you’re so fuckin’ good in the sack.” 

“Ain’t half bad, yourself,” 2D says, giggling a little. There’s still a tear lingering on his lower lashes, and Stuart brushes it away with impossible tenderness.

“You made me fall in love with you,” he repeats softly, voice growing more serious and yet more adoring. “You said yes when I asked you to be my boyfriend, and you said yes when I asked you to be my husband. Most importantly, though– you’re you, 2D. You’re wonderful. You’re beautiful, kind, talented, funny, sweet, so many other things that it would take all my life to list all the reasons why I love you.”

“Oh, St-Stu...”

“That’s what you did to deserve me, bluebird.” He cups his husband’s face. “You exist. Somehow, impossibly, you’re here. You’re here in my arms, in my life. Everythin’ I do for you...it’s to show my thanks for you. My love for you. And 2D, you deserve all of it and more.”

2D’s face is a mess of happy tears. “St-Stu,” he says again, sitting up and perching on his husband’s lap. “You– you shut up, an’ you kiss me. Right fuckin’ now.”

Stuart obeys, drawing him close and brushing a thumb over his love’s trembling lips before meeting them softly with his own. 

He doesn’t stop for a long, long, long time.

[aardvark-123]

Gensokyo Festival Day 24: Various How-To Guides

A series of how-to guides by the Legacy of Lunatic Kingdom cast, minus Junko and Hecatia, for whom I couldn’t think of anything.

Seiran's guide to military discipline:

1.      Always greet your commanding officer with a cheerful "Good morning, ma'am! It's such a lovely day for violence and mayhem!", or something similar. 2.      Keep your clothes clean and tidy. Make sure your dress is clean and the bright colours don't fade, and polish your cute little buckle-shoes every morning. 3.      Take care of your body, too. Eat plenty of carrots, do plenty of exercise, take regular baths and shave diligently. 4.      Always do as you are told. Try not to obey grudgingly or sarcastically; it'll only hurt your commanding officer's feelings. That said, if you are a commanding officer, try to be patient and understanding with your soldiers. 5.      If a Lunarian insists on calling you "Flopsy" and gushing over how cute your tail is, just grin and bear it. 6.      It's never the wrong time for a cup of tea and some sweet mochi. Try to coordinate tea breaks with the enemy so that no-one is placed at a disadvantage. 7.      Above all else, make sure to stay positive!

Ringo's guide to being a gourmet:

1.      Never be afraid to try a new food. You might not like it, but then again it may turn out to be the most delicious thing you've ever tasted, and that's worth the risk of going in blind. 2.      A meal generally needs a drink to go with it. Tea is best with a fortifying meal such as breakfast or lunch, alcohol goes well with dinner, and fruit juice goes well with cold meals such as salads and sandwiches. A savoury meal should have a savoury accompaniment, such as miso soup, whereas a pudding deserves a sweet drink such as a chocolate milkshake. 3.      Keep in practice by eating as much as possible. Remember: the fatter you get, the more room you'll have for food, and the longer you'll be able to survive in times of hardship. You'll also be softer, cuddlier, warmer and better at swimming, and the extra weight can help strengthen your legs. Really, skinny people are missing out on a whole lot of fun! 4.      Never let cheap, industrialised food stand in for something made properly. The key ingredient in every meal is love, and it's impossible even for Lunarian science to synthesise love. (We've tried, though. Amaterasu help us...) 5.      Make sure you try meals from different cultures. The amount of unique recipes, techniques and flavour combinations around the world is truly incredible! 6.      For the true gourmet, every meal is a special occasion. Don't just mindlessly scoff your food down, light a few scented candles and savour every morsel of your meal. If you find yourself weeping with joy, you're doing it right. 7.      If possible, try to eat with a friend. Good food is always best with good company, and talking to someone can help prolong the pleasure of a delicious meal. 8.      If eating is causing you problems, change your diet. We eat in order to survive, at the end of the day, so what matters most is how good it makes you feel. 9.      Say it with me, gourmands of the world: YUM YUM IN MY TUM!

Doremy's guide to sleep:

1.      Make sure your bedroom is at a comfortable temperature. Ideally, the room should be slightly cool, with your blankets and stuff compensating for it. 2.      Keep your bedroom airy and lightly furnished. A bunch of books and a shelf of anime figurines are nice touches; dozens of electronic devices are not. Blackout curtains are a good idea during the winter. 3.      At the end of the day (pun intended!), your bedroom should be a place of sanctuary and comfort, so make sure it feels good to be there. Make sure you have a comfy bed with the sorts of pillows, quilts, blankets and cuddly toys you like. If having to get up in the morning reduces you to tears, you have the right bed-design philosophy. 4.      Consider purchasing a Sweet Sleep Pillow (TM), available at any reputable furniture shop. They're so soft and snuggable, I really can't recommend them enough! 5.      Have supper at least an hour before you go to bed. For the rest of that hour, try to relax as much as possible in order to get into the right frame of mind. Obsessively checking your social medias won't contribute to a restful night's sleep. 6.      When the wonderful moment finally arrives, make the most of it. Snuggle up under your favourite quilt, bury your head in your favourite pillow and say "Ahhhhhhhhh...!" 7.      If you don't yet have a favourite pillow, why not try a Sweet Sleep Pillow (TM)? They're available at all reputable furniture shops, and no ordinary pillow can compare. 8.      Sleep cannot generally be forced. Simply clear your mind and let the magic happen. 9.      While your body is resting soundly, your soul will be free to explore the Dream World. There are many wonders you can experience in a dream, but there are dangers, too. You didn't eat too much cheese for supper, did you? 10.      Once you are asleep, feel free to visit the many youkai who inhabit the Dream World. If you ever happen to meet me, I can recommend some truly excellent pillows for you to try. 11.      You'd be surprised by how much people need to sleep. Outside of Gensokyo, sleep deprivation is seen as cool, modern, even honourable, but it ruins your ability to think and do stuff. No matter how much you believe in yourself and how much your boss claims to value you, you need at least eight hours of sleep every day. Teenagers, believe it or not, might need ten. It may feel like you're losing valuable time, but what you gain in clear thinking and wellbeing will more than make up for it. 12.      Once you've finished sleeping, try to wake up with a smile on your face and a song in your heart. It's only one day until you get to try again, after all!

Sagume's guide to public speaking without offending anybody:

1.      Try not to offend anyone. 2.      Try not to look like you're trying not to offend anyone, since trying not to offend anyone can offend some people. 3.      I don't know... Orate casual. 4.      By this method, you will be able to speak publicly without ever facing controversy from arrogant people who go around looking for arguments! 5.      ...Oh, crud. Me and my big fate-altering mouth.

Clownpiece's guide to self-esteem for teenage girls:

1.      Git yerself a freakin' GUN. Seriously, nothin' makes ya feel strong like the ability ta' freakin' MURDER anyone who messes with ya. 2.      Learn ta' love yer body. It's yours an' yours alone, so no-one gets ta' tell you you ain't pretty. Like make-up? Rock that cherry-red lipstick, sister! Don't like make-up? Rock that totally natural face a' yours! It don't mean a hill o' beans whether ya look like a supermodel; what matters is how ya feel an' who you are on the inside. 3.      If the 'rents won't let ya outside unless yer in a pretty dress, freaking KILL THEM. Don't know how? Refer back ta' the first paragraph. 4.      Likewise, don't let no-one tell ya what kinda person you oughta be. Yer the best there is at bein' you; no-one else knows how ta' do it right. Sure, people can have good advice, but they don't know ya better'n you do. 5.      If you got a sweetheart, great! Cherish them with alla' your heart. Don't let 'em dominate your life, though; if they wanna make you do stuff you don't like, refer to the third paragraph. 6.      Don't git me wrong: Even if ya don't like guns an' slaughter, yer one hundred percent valid. They jus' make life easier is all. 7.      Git yerself a hobby. Somthin' ya like doin', somethin' challenging, somethin' where yer abilities can grow, somethin' you c'n do with friends and/or somethin' you c'n make money off of are all good ideas. It don't matter what people think: video games are a great hobby, sewin’ an' bakin’ don't automatically make you a wimp, an' fishin' an' soccer won't make you a lesbian. 8.      Actually, seein' a buncha' tough girls all around ya might make ya realise you ARE a lesbian. It ain't guaranteed, though. 9.      Slack off in school as much as ya can get away with. If it just makes ya bored an' miserable, why bother? Yer future don't depend on academic success! 10.      Above all else, don't ever give up on nothin'. You c'n run a marathon, climb a mountain, beat a Touhou game, anythin', but ya gotta try dozens of times beforehand. Sooner or later, ya could even be able ta' beat alla' my spell-cards without breakin' a sweat! Now, THAT'S a feelin' of pride an' accomplishment.

[lifeofaernthota]

An Interview with Aernthota Hymllihtwyn

tagged by: @manasong ( and @popola-sil-pola too so she gets a notification that i actually did the thing ) tagging: UHHHH ANYBODY??? WHO WANTS TO???? orz it’s been a million years since i got tagged in this so gomen 

A light breeze ruffles the curtains as Aernthota opens the window wide. Warm Shroud sunlight spills over a coffee table crammed with a plethora of foods; everything from sandwiches to cookies to cake. She motions towards the sofas there before hurrying over to retrieve a whistling kettle and a few mismatched cups from the cabinet. A tap to her pearl, a soft spoken word to someone on the other end, and her attention focuses as she also settles down, helping herself to food. “Ah! Ready when you are! An’ please please pleeease help yourself!”

What is your full name?

Aern giggles a little bit and carefully watches the pen, as if waiting for a mistake to appear on the parchment. “Aernthota Hymllihtwyn. Misspelled, of course. Be damned if I could find anyone but another Sea Wolf t’get it right. Ma still shakes her head any time a letter shows up back home for me... Swears one day, I should just tell’em t’sod off until they can spell it right! Oh hyll, lemme spell it for ya.”

What do your friends call you?

“Aern! Mostly. S’much easier that way. Sylb likes t’call me Sunflower, Dew Drop, Sunshine... yanno that stuff. But he’s the only one who gets away with it!”

What is your favorite animal?

“Adamantoise! Never really saw many of ‘em until I started travelin’ around! Big scalekin... Cactuar are almost as cute though... Though... do those really count as animals? Plants really.... lil... stubby things.”

Where were you born?

Her shoulders straighten some as she takes a hefty sip of tea before continuing. “Right smack in th’middle of Limsa Lominsa! Ma always joked that she was just mendin’ nets like always when I just kinda fell out! But Limsa is home, even after bein’ away for so long. I still go back t’visit when I can.” 

Do you have children?

”Ah! One day I’m sure! Though... none right now.” She mutters something into her cup that sounds an awful lot like “Not for lack of tryin’.”

Is there a person/people you love?

Aern immediately brightens up as she looks towards the door, as if waiting for someone to return. “Sylb! Er... Silver. My husband. My rock, my comfort, th’most handsome Roegadyn in all th’land... yanno all that good mushy shite!” She covers her cheeks to hide a tinge of girlish blush. It takes a few seconds to really contain herself. “Really though... Without him, I wouldn’t know such a good life here. We take care of each other. He’s th’best damned chef I’ll ever meet - he’s the one who made all the food! I can barely boil water without settin’ somethin’ on fire. He’s always helpin’ bring back soil an’ seeds an’ just... I can’t wait t’spend th’rest of my life with him.” 

She stuffs a bit of sandwich in her mouth, stops for a moment, and then immediately has another thought. Frantically chewing, she manages to clear out enough room to speak.  “An’ of course th’whole Company! They’re all th’best cohorts a lady could hope for!!”

What is your favorite colour?

“Yellow! Bright yellows! Yanno like... th’kind of sunshine yellow! Happy colors. Not so much for all th’doom an’ gloom kinds.”

What is your full occupation?

"Er... Dunno if y’really call it much of an occupation but botanist! Er... gardener! Part time adventurer if you can believe that! Some poor sap at the Adventurer’s Guild thought they could train me up an’ make somethin’ of me! After butchering my name of course... But nah! Mostly work with plants. A lil bit with potions. Anythin’ to be outside really.” 

Are you good at physical fighting?

There is a pause as she sips again, uncertainty playing across her features. “Er... Well I mean... I know how t’fight well enough. Dunno if I’d really say good though. Much better at patchin’ people up than really doin’ any damage.”

Which form are you best at?

"Shite that’s a bit tricky too yanno! I studied a bit with th’spear... An’ gods be good I grew up with half th’damned Mauraders in the guild! They were a riot... didn’t give me any slack though! Trained me just as hard. An’ well... t’be honest... Kinda got a lil bit’a practice with one of those katanas. Completely different than any of th’other swords. Feels a lil more fluid.” She trails off for a second, grabbing another hunk of sandwich absentmindedly. “But still. Not really good at anythin’ in that realm. Colson’s th’one to ask about all that!”

What about magic?

With an enthusiastic nod, Aernthota pours herself a bit more tea. “That’s more my style! Definitely.”

Which type are you best at?

“Healin’ magics mostly! Dunno how I got t’really be so in tune with th’Shroud but... it was kinda scary at first. Not too many trees in th’city. But it was... somethin’ else.” There’s a lull here, marked only by the sound of birds outside and the gentle breeze ruffling the curtains. “Sylb’s a little more accustomed t’other magic. Stars an’ such. It’s pretty amazin’ t’think that we’re able to make that sorta thing happen, don’t you think?” 

Craftsmanship?

This question seems to pull her back out of her musing. “Ah! A lil bit here and there! Mostly workin’ with wood and such! I picked up a lil bit from Kurt... but I still need t’ask him everythin’. If you ever need somethin’ made, he’s the one t’ask! For th’right amount of gil...”

Any other skills?

"Maybe? I dunno really! I’ve never been much of... er... much of anythin’ really!”

Are you an only child?

Aern gives an oddly casual shrug at that. “I was th’only one Ma ever raised! Dad wasn’t... er... present? So I dunno! Could have a whole load’a siblings I don’t even know about! But it was just me an’ Ma.”

Where do you see yourself in five years?

“Oh dunno. Maybe still adventurin’! Maybe slowin’ down some with Silver... Hopefully able t’keep a damn plot of those Thavnarian Onions alive without somebody runnin’ through’em...”

Have you ever almost died?

Aern simply bites into her sandwich again. “Haven’t we all? Though... er... Nevermind all that. Not exactly the kinda thing you wanna bring up with most people.”

Do you have a secret, not just a secret, but like a really big secret, hardly anyone knows?

There’s another shrug at that. “If I had any, I promise I’m not sharin’em with you.”

Salty or sweet?

"Sweet! Usually. Unless Silver’s cookin’ and then he’s got this amazin’ stew...”

Do you like yourself?

Aern cocks her head and chuckles some. “I think I’m doin’ aright! Could improve but... yeah!”

Do you believe in the Twelve?

She nods feverishly at that. “Better t’hedge my bets yeah?”

Are you religious?

"Now... I wouldn’t go that far yanno? I think believin’ is enough.”

Do you carry prejudice with you?

There is a moment of Aern only squinting and thinking for a moment... and then shaking her head a little. “I... dunno? I don’t think so. Not more than anybody else would... But then again, still a lotta things I haven’t seen yet! I’d like t’think I’m pretty open t’people though. Limsa’s full of all kinds yanno.”

What do you consider entertainment?

“Oh I love a good story! Sometimes just gettin’ the whole crew together an’ sittin’ around tellin’ stories is the best. I’ve heard people talk about plays an’ such too! But... hmm... Dunno. Maybe if th’right kinda performance was goin’ on?”

Favorite drink?

Aern sips from her cup with a coy smile. “Tea’s pretty swell yanno... but a lil bit of ale’s not bad from time to time... An’ I’ve been known t’sneak a lil rum here and there. But really! I’m mostly good! Found some of those Hingan teas are pretty nice too!”

Do you have any family traditions?

“Hmm? No more than anybody ‘round here I think! Though... hmm... Dunno if you’d call it tradition but I’m always accustomed to a good scrub down of th’whole house once spring really kicks in yanno? Somethin’ Ma always insisted on. Everything dusted, wiped down, cleaned up. Helps get in the mood for nicer weather!”

Are you a good person?

Aern nods slowly. “I try my best t’be.”

Thank you for answering my questions.

"Of course! You’re always welcome t’drop by when y’want!” Aern smiles brightly before lifting a hand and whispering conspiratorially. “Y’might even be able to catch one of Sylb’s Aldgoat Pies if you’re lucky!” 

[meepface]

i’ve had a weird day so far and doing this is purely for distraction purposes just ignore me

1) What images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?

home screen

and my lock screen is my gf

2) Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?

oooohhh yeah. one of my first super gay crushes was on my 7th grade english & composition teacher Ms. Lawrence. i just recently unadded her on facebook bc i thought it was weird that i had her added but i’m a lil sad i did it bc that was a big ol phase of my life and i liked her soooo much ya know. i also had a big crush on this dorky geography/tennis/psychology teacher Mr. Whittlesey. he was so cute and goofy i love that man

3) What was your last text message?

i was offering to drive over to visit a friend and bring her comfort food bc her and her fiance just broke up :(

4) What do you see yourself doing in 10 years?

uhh i don’t really think that far ahead but hopefully i am happy and have a stable job and hopefully i’m with the person who i’m planning on spending forever with and i have a nice lil place. maybe i’ve even finally moved out of texas by then

5) If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?

honestly the mountains would be really nice. i really miss em and they make me feel really happy n peaceful and idk if my family and i are going to get to go or not this summer

6) What was your coolest Halloween costume?

idk one year i wrote “life” on a shirt and went around handing people lemons all night which was Extra as hell but it was also sort of iconic

7) What was your favorite 90s show?

friends

8) Who was your last kiss?

my gf

9) Have you ever been stood up?

no i don’t believe so

10) Favorite ice cream flavor?

mint chocolate chip

11) Have you been to Las Vegas?

no but my parents have been WITHOUT my brother and i!! i would love to go at least one time though

12) Your favorite pair of shoes?

i like my vans they’re comfy

13) Honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other?

no, that is one thing i would never do. esp since it was done to me and even though our relationship hadn’t been that serious, it still sucked 

14) What is your favorite fruit?

watermelon and peaches and apricots

15) Have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself dating/having sex with? If possible?

honestly? i maybe could’ve seen myself dating a few people here but only if they were here in person with me lol i'm not interested in online relationships at all so

16) Are you into hookups? Short or long term relationships?

long term relationships i ain’t tryna mess around rn

17) Do you smoke? If so, what?

i don’t but i would like to smoke weed at least once in my life just to experience it ya know

18) What do you do to get over your anger?

sing really loudly to music in my car until i am Tired or just vent on my private sideblog

19) Do you believe in God?

i’m sure there’s something out there but who knows what

20) Does the person you’re in love with know it?

yes

21) Favorite position?

laying the fuck down

22) What’s your horoscope sign?

aries

23) Your fears?

settling for less than i deserve or want just bc being happy requires work that seems scary or difficult or would hurt someone, scorpions, the ocean, walking sticks, horses, never being enough for anyone, not finding stability in my life

24) How many pets do you have? What kind?

i have four dogs named Sophie, Millie, Rusty Bob and Joey

25) What never fails to turn you on?

gettin soft kisses on my stomach n hips

26) Your idea of a perfect first date?

we do some sort of fun activity together, we have a nice dinner and maybe chill in our cars after and talk n maybe kiss a bunch depending on how the date went

27) What is something most people don’t know about you?

i can sing kinda well ?? maybe not anymore it’s been a while since i have but i used to be in musical theatre and they wanted me to be a lead role in the musical but i was too much of a pussy and i didn’t

28) What makes you feel the happiest?

having fun bein surrounded by people i love, also when dogs are so happy to see you that their tails wag their whole butt

29) What store do you shop at most often?

probably forever 21 or h&m bc i’m all about affordable clothing that’s semi-cute

30) How do you feel about oral? Giving and/or receiving?

i’m down for both 

31) Do you believe in karma?

sure

32) Are you single?

nope

33) Do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize?

“i’m sorry, i understand that this hurt you and i understand why and i will work on not doing this again in the future” followed by actually working on not doing that again in the future is the better way to apologize, actually

34) Are you a good swimmer?

eh i’m okay

35) Coffee or Tea?

coffee

36) Online shopping or shopping in person?

in person 

37) Would you rather be older or younger than your current age?

i kinda like being 20 i think it’s nice to be right in the middle

38) Cats or Dogs?

dogs

39) Are you a competitive person?

in mario kart maybe but generally no

40) Do you believe in aliens?

yes!!!!!!!!!!!!

41) Do you like dancing?

yes but i’m no good at it

42) What kind of music to you listen to?

i like upbeat alternative music generally

43) What is your favorite cartoon character?

eeyore

44) Where are you from?

texas unfortunately

45) Eat at home or eat out?

idk my dad’s home cooked meals have gotten pretttttty good but if i can’t have whatever he’s making then i wanna eat out

46) How much more social are you when you’re drunk?

i’m definitely more talkative and i laugh out loud a lot more

47) What was the last thing you bought for yourself?

i bought myself a meal last night but today i’m gonna go out and buy myself some shorts and a bikini so i’m hyped for that

48) Why do you think your followers follow you?

probably from when i blogged about youtubers back in the day, also i hosted these selfie party things and shared everyone’s selfies to boost their confidence and so many people followed me bc of those

49) How many hours do you sleep at night?

not enough

50) What worries you most about the future?

not finding stability in what i want to do and not doing what i want and what would make me happy just bc it would be challenging

51) If you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you be friends?

i’m learnin a whoooole lot of self love so maybe we’d be friends a lil longer than i would’ve been if you’d asked me this in like, february 

52) Are you happy with yourself?

i mean? i’m happy with where i’ve come. definitely could improve but ya know. baby steps

53) What do you wish you didn’t know?

there’s too many things i wish i didn’t know to be honest

54) What big lesson could people learn from your life?

puttin other people first too much only makes you know and love yourself less

55) If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?

the loft from New Girl

56) What’s your favorite Website?

runescape 

57) What’s the habit you’re proudest of breaking?

getting rid of this fb account i had and then also this private twitter account i had that i sorta used to vent and also overshare too much lmao

58) What was your most recent trip of more than 50 miles?

i went to NYC before christmas last year!! my family and i are hoping we’ll be able to go to Washington this year 

59) What’s the best bargain you’ve ever found at a garage sale or thrift store?

probably my mug that says “i’m too sexy to be 60″ that i bought for like $2

60) What do you order when you eat Chinese food?

i reaaaaally like kung pao chicken but sometimes i like to get sweet and sour or sesame chicken and then i’ll get wonton soup and eggrolls and white rice and sometimes edamame ooooo my god

61) If you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be?

idaho just so i could call myself a ho all the time

62) If you had to teach a subject to a class, what would it be?

psychology or cinematography

63) Favorite kind of chips?

lays limón chips

64) Favorite kind of sandwich?

i really like the new york italian sandwich from Thundercloud 

65) Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus?

dictionary probably??

66) Have you ever been stung by a bee?

nope but one time i was carrying a balloon and a bee came up and stung my balloon and died and i was like oh

67) What’s your favorite form of exercise?

just goin for a walk is nice

68) Are you afraid of heights?

not heights but falling lmao

69) What’s the most memorable class you’ve ever taken?

probably my film class junior year of high school. i was part of the school’s daily announcement team and we made intros for it based off of popular TV shows and we did this whole project about drinking and driving and my teacher was so great and i had a crush on every single boy in that class

70) What’s your favorite breakfast?

i love breakfast tacos

71) Do you like guacamole?

yes

72) Have you ever been in a physical fight?

i punched a girl in kindergarten but she didn’t hit me back and i pushed a kid over in spy camp in like fourth grade but he didn’t fight me back and i shoved a really stoned guy in a pit at a concert two years ago bc he was being a dick but he was too stoned to fight me back so what i’m saying is i sort of have tried to start a fight but nobody has taken one for the team and kicked my ass yet

73) What/who are you thinking about right now?

i’m thinking about how today sorta sucks but i feel like, too sad to go out and hang out with someone and do something about it so i am just going to stay here. maybe i will eat soon if i can get myself out of bed lol

74) Do you like cuddling?

it’s my faaaaavorite

75) Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

yeah

76) Have you ever experienced one of your biggest fears?

yeah lol 

77) Favorite city you’ve been to?

hmm i really really liked Hood River, Oregon but probably mostly bc of the people i knew there and everything making it special. i loved Columbus, Ohio for that same reason too. i thought Ohio was gorgeous. i also loved Flagstaff, Arizona just because it was beautiful and quaint and i would love to go back

78) Would you break the law to save a family member?

depends on the family member

79) Talk about an embarrassing moment?

just a few weeks ago i was in my summer class and we had about 10 minutes until we got out and it’s like 1 so i was starving and ready for lunch so i was looking at my food options in the area and next thing i knew Siri screams into my quiet classroom “starting route to Raising Cane’s”, and everybody laughed and my teacher was Annoyed. and then when we finally got out i thought everybody had moved on and then the guy who sat next to me, WHO HAD NEVER SPOKEN TO ME ONCE, goes “have fun at Raising Cane’s!”

80) Are there any causes you strongly believe in?

anything to do with women/POC/LGBTQIA+ rights 

81) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

one time i was showin off on my razor scooter while zoomin down a steep hill and i fell off and got scars all over my body and a young girl witnessed it but didn’t say anything or do anything she just left me layin there and crying on the pavement 

82) Favorite day of the week?

thursday is nice

83) Do you consider yourself sexually open minded?

uhh i mean yeah i guess

84) How do you feel about porn?

i feel like it gives you really false expectations about what sex is going to be like when people watch too much of it

85) Which living celebrity would you like to know?

i’d like to be good ol pals with Mamrie Hart still

86) Who was your hottest ex?

my exes were all ugly

87) Do you want/have kids?

i think i would like kids at some point. at least one

88) Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you?

yes

89) Do you get easily distracted?

yes sometimes

90) Ass or titties?

titties

91) What is your favorite word?

serendipity

92) How do you feel about tattoos?

i have three and i love em. go for it pal

93) Do you have any pets?

i have four dogs

94) How tall are you?

5′7

95) How old are you?

20

96) 3 physical features you get complimented on a lot?

my hair, my eyes, my stomach

97) Is there anything you’re really passionate about?

yes i am v passionate about supporting other women!!!! and also about trying to be kind to everyone the most you can be bc i hear so many people spout rude things about people they don’t even know (esp when driving) and it’s like stop and listen to yourself lmao

98) Do you have trust issues?

a little bit but i’m trying to be more open and it hasn’t hurt me yet so

99) Do you believe in love at first sight?

absolutely not. that’s called infatuation

100) What are some words that you live by? Why?

two quotes: “anything that costs your peace is too expensive” and “let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier”.

i think the first one is important because i have a tendency of putting myself through a lot of shit to make other people happy and then i’m really unhappy and it’s just not a good way to live. i am really trying to learn this one. and the second one i think is important because being good to other people is a very important thing and i think you never know when somebody else needs that 

[stardust2003]

Madferit: The Novel - Chapter 5

                   The boys had so many gigs that the month of November was pretty well booked up. They had a day, at most, between gigs which was really meant for traveling between cities.             I grew comfortable around them. Liam was obviously a given. Bonehead felt like an older brother. A drunken, crazy, frat boy older brother. Guigsy was a shy stoner that got a bit too starey – but I think that was mostly due to the pot. And Tony had a cute smile and was really sweet even though Noel constantly treated him like shit.             Noel was the only one I had trouble with...if you could even call it that. We kept our distance. Didn't say much to each other. I didn't know why he didn't like me. I wasn't there to cause trouble.             Germany, France, and Sweden were all beautiful countries. I loved the sites, the food, even the languages although I couldn't understand them. I knew a bit of French but not enough to converse very well with.             The tour itself was fucking insane. There were so many fans, so many drugs. I didn't participate in the drug taking. That just wasn't for me. I didn't smoke and I barely drank either. This gave Noel room to "take the piss".             "Oi, shut the fuck up, man!" Liam barked at him when he got on a roll. "If she don't wanna fuckin' do it, she don't fuckin' have to!"             I was honestly surprised Liam would look out for me. As much as I didn't want them to, Noel's little digs on the first night I was in France made me think. Would Liam get bored with me and find someone else? There were always girls. Tons of girls at every show getting their tits and God only knows what else out for him. They did that stuff for the others too but Liam was gorgeous.             And he wasn't mine.             We were just friends. Fuck buddies. We screwed and shared a bed but I couldn't help wondering if it was just a bit more than that. He always insisted I sit with him on the bus. He held my hand when we were out walking around. And even if he did get off with other girls, I was the only one who got to go back with him to the hotel room.             And I was also the only one who went home with him for Christmas.             The tour made me miss Thanksgiving. My parents were upset but I was an adult and I had to live my own life. Plus I knew, contrary to a certain song's lyrical content, my time with the band wasn't going to live forever.             The band ended up back in England at the end of November and would stay there until the new year. I saw Wales and Scotland before ending up in Manchester for a bit of a holiday break.             The boys' single, "Whatever" was released just before Christmas. They did a gig in Manchester before getting a much needed holiday break that would last a little over a week.             "You'll stay at mine for Christmas won't you?" Liam asked at the party following the gig. "Well, me mam's really."             "I appreciate your offer but I don't want to impose." I replied. "Thanks though."             "Aw, c'mon Tix! I've already told Mam loads about ya. She says you have to come. Plus I told her you can't go home and-"             "So you lied to her?"             "Nah." He shook his head. "Ya really can't go home. You're stuck with me, remember?"             I grinned a little at the memory.             "And you're havin' Christmas at mine. End of."             Liam and Noel had technically both moved out – living in and out of different hotels mostly since getting their big break. But now they were back home at their mother's insistence. Noel wanted a hotel room and begged Marcus to book him one but Marcus wouldn't do it.             "We don't even do much at Christmas." He muttered as the bus was near its destination. "So why the fuck are we startin' now?"             "'Cuz we've got a guest." Liam told him as he put his arm around my shoulder. "Tixie's joinin' us."             "Oh no!" Noel shook his head.             "The fuck d'ya mean, no? Mam said she could. She's fuckin' comin'!"             "Yeah we fuckin' know that!" Guigsy piped up with a giggle.             "Fuck off, Guigs!" Noel yelled as he threw a pillow off the couch at him. "You're not a part of this argument so stay the fuck out of it!"             "Look, if you don't want me to come, I'll go home." I said. "I'll call my parents and get the first flight out. I don't wanna ruin your Christmas."             "You'll ruin my Christmas by not fuckin' bein' there." Liam told me. "Don't pay any attention to him." He nodded at Noel. "He's just jealous 'cuz he don't gotta bird to bring home to our mam. All this runnin' about to different countries and that and he can't even find one that'll let 'im get his leg over!" He laughed.             "Fuck off!" Noel screamed as he threw another pillow at Liam this time.             "No! You fuck off, mate!" Liam barked as he threw the pillow back.             A car picked us up after the bus dropped us off and took us to Burnage. We pulled up to the house. It was plain on the outside. No plants or anything but I suppose it really wasn't the time of year for outdoor plants.             Liam led the three of us to the front door, taking my hand as we walked along. We stood quietly in the entryway.             "Shh!" Liam said as he held his index finger up to his lips.             Noel rolled his eyes. "Why the fuck do we always have to-"             "Shut the fuck up!" Liam cut him off.             Just then, we heard stirring upstairs.             "Why-"             "Shut the fuck up, man!"             "Is that you Liam?" A woman's voice called from upstairs.             "And me!" Noel yelled back. "Jesus Christ! Did ya forget you've got more than one son or summat?"             Footsteps came softly down the steps until they reached the first floor and the woman finally revealed herself. She had a gentle smile and even gentler looking eyes.             "I'm so glad you're here!" She exclaimed as she held her arms out and walked towards her sons.             "Hi Mam!" The boys said in unison.             They all hugged and even Noel looked like he couldn't resist having his mother wrap her arms around him.             "You must be Addie." She said to me after they broke away from their hug.             "I am." I told her. "You must be Ms. Gallagher."             "Call me Peggy, dear."             Her Irish accent was a nice change from the Manc one I'd been used to from following the band around. Not that I didn't like it though. Next to the Beatles' Liverpudlian one, it was one of the sexiest I'd ever heard.             "Our Paul is due in for tea." Peggy informed us as she went into the kitchen.             "What we havin'?" Liam asked.             "Roast chicken."             "What?! I fuckin' hate chicken!"             "I know but our Noel doesn't." She replied.             Liam shook his head.             "Who's the fuckin' favorite now?" Noel asked before sticking his tongue out at his brother and heading to the kitchen to find his mom.             "Fuckin' cunt!" Liam muttered as he watched him walk away.             Regardless of what Liam thought, the chicken was really good. Dessert was even better. Irish Apple Cake. Peggy must've felt the need to go all out for her boys.             It was obvious all three of them were mama's boys but Liam was probably the biggest. He didn't argue with Marcus like Noel did about getting a hotel room and was quite content with staying at his mom's.             I finally met Paul who I'd heard bits and pieces about. He was probably the sweetest of the three. He seemed shy but very polite. He had similar features and mannerisms to Noel's which made sense – there was only a little over a year's difference in age between them.             After dinner, we all hung out in the living room listening to Liam and Noel recount their many adventures on the tour. Noel made sure to mention that Liam was nearly late for their first gig after the US leg of the tour, thanks to me. And of course, Liam told him to fuck off and it was up to their Paul to break it up.             "They never used to fight like that." Paul told me as I joined him outside while he had a cigarette later. "Don't know what's changed them."             "Fame." I suggested. "Fortune."             "A bird." He said as he raised his eyebrows at me.             I shook my head. "I don't think so."             "Well I do. Our Noel can be quite the jealous cunt. Especially since our Liam finds it so much easier than him to pick up chicks."             I found that a little hard to believe. The girls at the gigs came after Noel just as much as they came after Liam. I tried not to pay attention but I know he didn't return to his hotel room alone every night. Apparently, he'd just gotten through a break up. He and the girl fought like cats and dogs but he loved her. A couple of the songs on Definitely Maybe were written for her.             "He said he'll never get over it." Paul said. "But don't tell him I told you that."             "Don't worry." I assured him. "I won't."             He and Noel went out to visit some friends that night but Liam didn't want to go.             "They're not my friends." He said as we sat on his bed. "Plus, I'd rather just spend time with you."             "You spent time with me on the tour." I reminded him.             "Yeah but not alone. Someone was either in the hotel room or on the bus with us. And once they get back, Noel'll come bargin' in on us and fuckin' ruin our privacy."             I smiled. "Well we better take advantage of the time we've got then."             He smiled back showing his perfect white teeth a bit.             I giggled a little then pushed him back to lie down on the bed.             The room was so quiet and dark. Liam was sound asleep. I was about half until I heard the door open and someone's footsteps making their way across the room.             The owner of the footsteps coughed, revealing themself to be Noel. His bed creaked as he sat down on it and then he turned on his bedside lamp.             "Turn that fuckin' lamp off!" Liam groaned without rolling over or opening his eyes.             Noel put his tongue in his bottom lip and pushed it out at him while flashing him the backwards peace sign as well.             "What're you lookin' at?" Noel asked me his blue eyes looking a bit glazed but no less piercing.             "Nowt." I replied, trying to utilize some of the new slang I'd picked up in the last couple months.             He rolled his eyes and then pulled a notebook out from his nightstand.             "What's that?" I asked.             "Song lyrics." He said flatly.             I sat up. "Can I see them?"             "Absolutely fuckin' not!"             I got up and walked over to his bed and crawled over his legs to sit beside him.             "No!" He said as he shook his head. "No! Fuck off back to your own side of the room."             "Make me." I challenged.             He sighed and then looked at a page in his notebook.             "Let me see." I said.             "No!" He replied as he held it away from me.             "C'mon! It's not like I'm gonna steal them or something!"             "I don't know what the fuck you'll do and I'm not takin' any fuckin' chances! Fuck off back to Our Kid's bed or I'll fuckin' put ya there me self!"             "You seem like you're all talk and no action." I pointed out with a grin. "You say a lotta shit but you never act on it. Not so much of a hard ass, are you?"             "Addie, I mean it!" He said trying to hold back from exploding. "You're well on your way to-"             "What? A leathering? I'm not scared of you Noel." I leaned in and said the next part right into his ear. "So give me your fucking worst."             "That's it!" He exclaimed as he jumped out of the bed. "Get the fuck outta my bed and go over to where you fuckin' belong! Now!"             "Make me."             He went to say something while raising his left hand up to point but I grabbed it before he could. He just stared at me dumbfounded.             "Wow." I mused as I looked at his straight arm. I ran my hand up and down it. "You seem pretty tense."             "Get stuffed!" He barked.             I looked up at him and then yanked his arm making him lose his balance and sit back down on the bed.             He struggled to get me to let him go but stopped when I put my hand on the back of his neck.             "You are tense." I said as I stroked the back of his neck.             "No I'm not." He argued as I made my way down to his shoulders. "No I'm-" He cut himself off with a moan as he stiffened himself while I pressed down hard on the space between his shoulder blades. "Jesus Christ!"             "It's no wonder you're so cranky all the time. Your muscles are so tight-"             "Just shut the fuck up!" He ordered. "And move down."             I did as instructed, working on the middle of his back. I smiled as I watched his face. His eyes were closed and he scrunched them a bit while he moaned quietly.             "Who taught you how to do this?" He asked. "Did ya go to school for it or summat?"             "Nope." I replied. "Just kinda do it however the person seems to like it."             "Well I fuckin' like this."             I smiled as I pushed into his back a little more causing him to moan a bit louder.             "Fuck it!" He said. "I've gotta have me shirt off for this. I can't fuckin' take it anymore!"             "Okay."             He quickly pulled his t-shirt off and tossed it on the floor beside the bed. Then he lay down on his stomach and rested his head on his pillows. "Use both your hands this time." He said.             I obliged and started back at his shoulders and worked my way down. Noel alternated between sighs and moans with every stroke and rub.             His face looked so relaxed – way more than it ever had while on tour. Eventually though, he twisted his face in discomfort and rolled over on his back.             "What's the matter?" I asked confused.             He looked at me silently before glancing down.             I turned to see what he was looking at. "Oh my God!" I exclaimed with a chuckle.             "Fuck off!" He said as he quickly turned the light off.             "Oh come on! I wanna see it! I wanna know if it's bigger than Liam's."             "Of course it's fuckin' bigger than Liam's! There's no contest there."             "Right." I sarcastically agreed. "So were you expecting a happy ending with this massage? If so, it's gonna cost you extra."             "Piss off!" He said as he pulled the blankets up to cover his chest.             I lay down beside him and did the same. "But since I'm so nice, I suppose I can give you one for free this time."             "Fuck off!" He said as he rolled over onto his right side to face away from me.             "Don't say I didn't offer." I told him before turning my head to the left and closing my eyes.             I awoke to the sounds of shuffling I don't know how much later. It was dark so I knew it was still the middle of the night. Then I heard quiet moaning.             I turned my head over and looked down towards the middle of the bed. Something was moving really fast back and forth under the blankets. It was like a bump or something. Up and down. Back and forth.             I adjusted my eyes and looked to my right. I could make out a bit of Noel's face from the streetlight outside. His eyes were closed and his mouth was open. Open enough to let out those moans.             He choked a little as the movement of the bump got faster.             "Want some help?" I whispered.             "Jesus fuckin' Christ!" He gasped as the movement stopped and the bump disappeared.             "I'm pretty good at that I reckon." I said. "Liam seems to think so."             "Fuck off!" He barked.             "Do you still have your boxers on? I hope you don't. They might get messy if you do."             "Stop!"             "Nah, I'd rather not."             I reached under the blankets and down towards his feet.             "What ya doin'?" He asked as he jerked a bit. "What're ya-"             "Here they are!" I exclaimed as I brought his boxers out from under the blankets. "Off your ankles and completely cum-free."             "Give 'em back!" He commanded as he reached for them.             I held them out of his reach while I sat up.             "Addie! Give me my fuckin'-"             He stopped himself as I got out of bed. He tried to grab me before I could but I was too quick for him.             "Give me my fuckin' pants!" He cried as I walked across the room.             I just ignored him and crawled back in bed with Liam who was still fast asleep.             "Fuck's sake!" Noel said as he got out of bed and came over to Liam's side of the room. "Give me my boxers. Now!"             Just then, Liam woke up.             "What the fuck's goin' on?" He asked groggily. "Why the fuck-" He cut himself off as he looked at his brother. "Why the fuck are ya naked?! What're you tryin' to do? D'ya think you're gonna have it off with my bird or summat?"             "No." Noel replied shaking his head. "She-"             "Don't want nothin' to do with you. Fuckin' pervert! Go fuck off back to your own side of the room and leave us the fuck alone! Mitherin' us durin' our fuckin' good kip. Piss off!"             Noel sighed and then turned around and went back to bed.             It didn't take long for Liam to fall back asleep. When I was sure he was, I got back out of bed and went to Noel's side of the room.             Noel was wide awake. I could see his open and pissed off eyes from the outside light.             I grinned a little and tossed his boxers at his face.             "What the fuck?!" He exclaimed as he quickly pulled them off his face.             "What?" I asked as I crawled back in bed beside him. "I'm just giving them back."             "Oh hell no! You're not stayin' in my bed no more! Go back over there with your boyfriend." He pointed across the room.             "Liam is not my boyfriend."             "Like I give a fuck. Get the fuck outta my bed and leave me the fuck alone!"             "Make me!" I said as I stared at him.             He shook his head and clenched his fists in frustration but didn't respond.             I lay down and got comfortable.             "Bitch!" He said before laying down beside me.             "Asshole!" I replied.             "Skank!"             "Twat!"             He chuckled sarcastically before turning his head away from me.             I smiled to myself and then drifted off to sleep.             I woke up as the sun began to rise outside. The sky was a mix of pink and gray. I looked at my surroundings and realized I was on the wall side of the bed when I should've been on the outer side. "Shit!" I exclaimed to myself.             I fell asleep in Noel's bed instead of returning to Liam's.             I went to get up but realized something was pressing down on my stomach, keeping me from doing so. I looked at it properly and found it was Noel's right arm.             He lay there on his stomach sound asleep. His face was turned towards me now and it looked so peaceful. His big eyebrows looked perfect and relaxed.             His right hand gently gripped my wrist. I took a hold of it and attempted to move it.             "No!" He said without opening his eyes as he gripped my wrist a little tighter. "It's not time yet! Just a few minutes more. Alright, Louise?"             I looked at him and smiled a bit at how sweet his voice sounded. "I'm not Louise." I said.             He opened his eyes and blinked a couple times. Then he slowly moved his hand. "Go back over there with Our Kid." He said as he pointed. "Now!"             "Okay." I replied quietly before getting up and making my way to Liam's bed.             I crawled back in beside Liam and nuzzled up to him. He opened his eyes for a split second before kissing me. He put his arms around me and cuddled up as close as he could.             He breathed out which was a sign he'd fallen back to sleep.             I looked over at Noel who had his back to me as he faced the wall. He coughed and then adjusted himself on his side as he pulled his blankets up more over his shoulders.             I started thinking all kinds of stuff. Was what happened the night before all just a big game?             Or was it actually something completely different?

[imaginetonyandbucky]

Helping Hands

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five| Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight | Chapter Nine | Chapter Ten | Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve: Showing One’s Hand

It was utterly and completely unfair of Lewis to send him this perfect picture of masculine beauty, dressed in the colors of early morning light and looking like a hipster angel. 

Tony sighed, shoved Loki’s butt out of his face, and got a mouthful of angry cat tail for his trouble. It was damned hard to look dignified with an over-enthusiastic cat on his desk. “Is it time for the awkward conversation, then?” 

Bucky scrubbed at the back of his neck, looking at Tony from under his thick lashes, and that was just fighting dirty, that’s what that was. “Hey,” Bucky said, “next time you’re plannin’ on pitchin’ me out of an airplane, a parachute might be nice. Not sayin’ I couldn’t’ve handled it better, but…” 

“Told Happy it was a word,” Tony muttered, then gestured to Bucky. “Nothing, don’t mind me, talking to myself. Go on.” 

“I suck at apologies, Tony,” Bucky said. “Every time I say sorry these days, and believe me, I say it a lot, what I feel like I’m doin’ is sayin’ ‘excuse me that I exist and that I’m inconvenient that way.’ I begrudge and hate every single one of ‘em. Sorry comes out of my mouth coated with bile. I hate the taste of it.” 

Tony shrugged like he didn’t care. “You don’t have to apologize for existing.” 

“I… um,” and Bucky was blushing, hot, red and furious, spreading from under the scarf and staining his cheeks. “Shit. I… it wasn’t nothing. It was… um. I ain’t never been with a man before.”

Tony blinked. That wasn’t anything he was expecting. “You’re a virgin? How is that even possible?” 

“Christ’s cup,” Bucky swore, ducking his head. “No. I was married for twelve years. I mean… I… bisexual. It’s a thing. It’s the box I check at the doctor’s office, but it was… sort of theoretical until--” 

“Until this afternoon,” Tony said. Wow. He hadn’t seen that one coming. Tony remembered his first time with Sunset Bain, who’d been the first girl he’d slept with, and remembering how weird and strange that had seemed to him. He’d been used to a man’s body and shape, and it had taken him a while to figure out how it all worked, all over again. Suddenly everything seemed a little bit clearer. Bucky hadn’t nudged him on the bed as a one-and-done, an experienced bathroom-quickie sort of guy. 

So much more of everything made sense. Tony couldn’t quite put himself in Bucky’s shoes; he’d been outed at twelve, so he had no real context for that, but he understood better now Bucky’s sheer rage at the photographs and the reactions of co-workers and neighbors. 

Tony had decades of experience and it still made his heart race when someone started flinging homophobic slurs around. It had to be especially hard for a man who’d had his first homosexual encounter at nearly forty and then was immediately outed on a national scale. Sweet Tesla, it was a wonder Bucky was even here, talking to Tony now. 

“It meant something to me, I promise,” Bucky said. “But then your…” 

“Yeah, Lewis is a bit much sometimes. Taser-queen, too, so don’t ever get on her bad side, you wouldn’t like that.” 

Bucky ignored that and ploughed onward, as if he’d worked out his whole speech and was determined to get through it. Maybe he had. “I… I dunno, felt like what we’d just done was… tawdry, somehow. Dirty. I… it’s fuckin’ hard to admit things are, you know, what they are. And here’s this woman commenting on… I thought I was going to die, right there on the spot.” 

Tony smiled, a bit rueful. “You have to understand. Darcy’s been, as the phrase goes, all up in my business, for several years now. I don’t think it ever occurred to her that you might be shy.” 

Bucky made a growling sound deep in his chest. Loki gave the man a completely pissed expression and fled from the room, his tail bristling. 

“I got a lot from Big Jim about bein’ a man,” Bucky said. “What that meant and what was expected of me, and when your publicist started talkin’ to us about pretending to be in a relationship, like I was your whore or something. I felt like I’d finally gone and dropped the one thing that kept me part of my dad’s life, the one thing he was proud of. That I was a man. I know, I know, it’s stupid but... I ain’t gonna say sorry, Tony. I can’t. The words, they stick in me, an’ you deserve better--” 

“Ug, no,” Tony said. “No, and no, and no. Definitely not. I have been on the other side of some pretty terrible relationships, and people using me to get to my money. I would… believe me, I never want to be on the other side of that stick. I don’t even think I could, and my opinion of myself couldn’t possibly get much worse.”

Bucky blushed even redder, and Tony started to worry that he might get a nosebleed, like one of those hyperactive anime characters that Bruce was so fond of. “So, um…. Maybe we could try it out?” 

Tony replayed the conversation in his head a few times -- he had a gift for memory that was more of a curse in the middle of the night when he couldn’t sleep for constantly replaying the less pleasant conversations in his life -- and it still wasn’t making sense. Like, they’d cut to commercial and left something out to make the time-slot. 

“Try what?” 

“Darcy’s idea. We could…” 

“Pretend to be in love?” Tony sighed. 

“No, idiot,” Bucky snapped and Tony had to swallow a laugh, because he sounded so damn frustrated and it was actually sort of cute. “The relationship. Look at it as... on-the-job training, or something. Sounds like, whatever my pride wants to believe, I don’t have much choice but to let your people fix this mess. I don’t want anything to happen to Stevie, or the twins for that matter. So. We have three to six months of living in each other’s back pocket anyway. It’s a little more hard-core, reality show sort of dating than most people have, but…” 

“You want to go trial-by-fire on being boyfriends?” Tony said. Under his desk, he pinched his own arm, trying to see if he was, actually, asleep and dreaming. Ow. No, still here. 

Bucky shrugged and nodded and Tony tried to marshal all the reasons why this would be a terrible, awful idea, except there was one thought that stood out among all the rest: he wanted this. And maybe in some other life, Tony had been cautious or prudent, but it hadn’t yet happened in this life. In this life, Tony had never walked away from something he wanted just because it was a bad idea. 

“Okay. Sure. You got it,” Tony said. 

He was pretty sure this was going to star in his next unofficial biography as the all-time worst plan ever, but Bucky was leaning in his doorway looking like a Roman god, and Tony just… gave up. 

Tony had met dozens, perhaps hundreds, of lawyers in his lifetime and he had to say that Clint Barton didn’t look anything like any lawyer Tony had ever met. For one thing, he was wearing a purple and black tank top and had arms like a Mr. Universe contestant. Clint also wore a pair of discreet hearing aids and watched carefully whenever anyone was talking. He had blue eyes and a killer stare, with buzzed sandy blond hair and while Steve didn’t look very much like his father (though he acted a lot like his dad, down to mimicking Bucky’s expressions and gestures with adorable accuracy), it was easy to see the Barton bloodline when comparing the boy to his uncle. 

“Hey, kid,” Clint said, ruffling Bucky’s hair so hard that it fell out of the bun, scattering it all over his face. 

“My brother-in-law, Clint,” Bucky said, slapping Clint’s hand away. “Clint, Tony.” 

“Pleasure,” Clint said, pumping Tony’s hand twice with professional smoothness. 

“How’s Nat?” Bucky asked, as they moved into Tony’s enormous front parlor. 

“Wants me to smack you in the head about eight times for worrying the shit out of us, firecracker,” Clint said. He turned a conspiratorial look on Tony. “Can you believe this asshole? I’ve known him since he was all of thirteen years old, went on doubles with him all through high school while he was dating my sister, and then he’s in the hospital for a week and doesn’t call, doesn’t text, I get nothing from him until yesterday when he asks me to represent him in a legal agreement? Seriously, you’d think I never dumped a bucket of ice-water on him and Sarah while they were playin’ doctor just under my window.” 

Bucky shuddered, rubbing his arms. “And he says I’m the asshole,” Bucky protested. “And you only doubled with us because of Barney.” 

“My older brother,” Clint explained. “He… was a little over-protective.” 

“That’s one way to put it,” Bucky muttered. 

“This sounds like a story,” Tony admitted. “Get you a drink? Tea, soda, water? Whiskey?” 

Clint made a show of checking his watch, then gave Tony a wide grin. “It’s five o’clock somewhere.” 

“Whiskey it is, how do you take it?” 

“What label?” 

Tony rattled off a quick list, and Clint jumped at the Bowmore. “Just in a glass, my man,” Clint said. “A religious experience shouldn’t be diluted.” Clint knocked back the whiskey, took half of it in one swallow and then inhaled, flailed around a little like a muppet and grinned. “Oh, this is fine. Thank you.” 

“My pleasure,” Tony said, shaking his head. Still a little too early for him (he was trying so hard to be good, especially since he had guests) so he poured himself an iced tea and dumped about eight spoonfuls of sugar into it. 

Clint finished off his drink and set the glass aside, digging into his briefcase for a pack of papers. “I have to say, Mr. Stark, these are some very generous terms.” 

“Well, technically, Bucky’s on a 24/7 work schedule for the next three months, at least, which is a lot of overtime. The newspapers don’t sleep, and anyone with a telephoto lens could be watching at any moment, so we have to be prepared. There’s a bonus in there for situational hardship, but it’s standard SAG wages,” Tony explained, stirring his glass and watching the swirl of sugar in the bottom. “He’s not a guild member, of course, but it’s just easier to calculate everyone in the same manner.” 

“A what?” Bucky asked. Tony had watched him painfully read through the contract, but apparently not much of it had stuck. Well, that was why he’d called the lawyer brother-in-law, Tony supposed. Not everyone was weaned on contract legalese. 

“Screen Actor’s Guild,” Tony said. “Preserving my reputation is an exercise in lying, and the best professional liars are actors.” 

Clint snorted. “No, they’re not.” 

“Lawyers, guns, and money,” Bucky quipped and Clint followed up with a surprisingly melodious singing voice, “won’t get me out of this.” 

Clint pulled out a pair of glasses and slid them onto his nose; Tony noticed that it made a great deal of difference to his air of competence. A suit jacket would make him downright formidable. “My suggestion, here, Buck,” he said, tracing down the document, “is this clause, Section VII, line 4 through 12. Rather than re-locating Steve after the contract is ended, I think you should push to keep him in the new school for the duration of the school year. It’s hard on kids, relocating. It’s a privately-run school, so where you end up living after the contract ends won’t be a hardship as far as attendance goes. But we might also want some wording in there for continual transport to and from, at least for this academic year.” 

Tony hadn’t even thought about that; he’d been kicked out of so many different boarding schools and academies, he wasn’t sure he’d finished a single school year in the same building as he’d started it, but he was also a genius and the classwork had been only of minimal importance, anyway. He did most of his learning on his own, through trial and error. Professor Xavier was a personal friend of Tony’s, and there were aid packages, but the tuition was still pretty high. Tony wasn’t going to push back on that change, though -- the tuition was the same whether Steve was there for three months or the full years, so the only real change was the additional transportation. 

“And here,” Clint said, “we can’t direct deposit, at least not right now.” 

“That’s the fastest, most secure --” 

“I don’t have a bank account, Tony,” Bucky admitted, scratching at his chin. 

Tony blinked. “Wha--?” Tony had dozens of personal accounts, not to mention expense accounts and investment accounts and credit cards. How did someone even function in the world without a bank account? 

“Look, banks charge all sorts of monthly fees, especially if you actually don’t have enough money to pay the damn fees,” Bucky muttered, defensively. “And there’s all sorts of overdraft fees and… it ain’t worth the bother. An’ I don’t even get paid at work with a paycheck, I have a… a company debit card. They add funds to it. ‘Course there’s fees for that, too, whenever I use it, especially if I need cash.” 

“How do you… I don’t know, pay your bills without a checking account?” Tony asked. Not that Tony had ever written a check in his life that wasn’t a publicity stunt for some charity or other. 

“Money orders,” Bucky said. 

“Don’t they charge fees for that, too?” 

“Look at you, got almost as much sense as a real person,” Bucky said, rolling his eyes. 

Tony nodded, staring at the floor. He’d never been poor; not even faux poor like some of his trust-account friends back at school, whose parents had threatened to (and on a few occasions had done so) cut them off from time to time. He’d never done those food-stamp challenges or poverty tourism events. First off, most of the celebs who tried them failed miserably and publically, and secondly, it seemed beyond rude. 

Empathy wasn’t putting yourself in someone else’s shoes; it was about recognizing that their pain was real and legitimate. You didn’t have to understand, you didn’t have to feel it, or be able to relate. You just had to recognize pain when you saw it. Tony scoffed at himself. Like a poor marksman, he kept missing the target. 

“Anything else?” Tony asked, once Clint had worked through the rest of the document with Bucky, explaining and clarifying. “If not, I’ll get Hill on it, and she can have a fresh copy sent over.” 

“Oh, Maria?” Clint said, looking up. “I thought she was still at S.H.I.E.L.D..” 

“My benefits package is better than a government contractor,” Tony said, buffing his nails on his shirt. Tony noticed Clint’s glass was empty. “You want a refill on this?” 

“I’m a full partner, Stark; don’t think you can get me to jump ship,” Clint said, wagging his finger, “not with that kind of bribe. But yes, please.” 

Tony moved over to the bar, but still caught Bucky’s low, worried voice. “Do you think I should sign?” 

“Ah, firecracker, I know. It tastes like shit in your mouth,” Clint said. Tony peeked at them in the reflection over the bar. “But, yes. Yes, you should. It’s an opportunity, the kind most people don’t see in a lifetime. Even one year in Xavier’s school can mean a huge opportunity for Steve. And we’re talking about enough salary here for you to go back to school and finish your bachelor’s, Buck. You really should do this.” 

They weren’t exactly being subtle, but Tony got the feeling that it would be better to pretend he wasn’t listening, and so he poured himself a drink as well, squelching a nasty spurt of guilt. Fuck it. 

“Okay,” Bucky said, his jaw tightening like he was steeling himself to put his hand in a fire. “Okay.” 

“Nat and I have your back,” Clint said, “whatever happens. You know that, right?” 

Bucky leaned against his brother-in-law and Clint wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “I know.” 

Tony brought back drinks and handed one off to Clint, knocking his back and feeling the burn. “Tell me, why do you call Bucky ‘firecracker’?” 

Bucky blushed, brilliant red, hiding a sudden and sly smile behind his hand that lit up his whole face. “That was years ago,” he protested. “Not my fault, totally not.” 

Clint flicked a hand in Bucky’s direction. “He burned my grandmother’s gazebo down.” 

Over Bucky’s protests, shoves, and eventual clocking Clint over the head with one of the couch cushions, Clint told the story, which was long and involved and ended with a much younger Bucky, Clint, and Sarah diving behind the picnic table for cover as a stray spark ended up in their bag of illegal fireworks that eventually burned the backyard garden structure to the ground. 

“Honestly,” Clint said, “I’m surprised he ended up a sniper. I would have thought the army could have made use of his demolitions expertise.” 

“Asshole,” Bucky said, shoving his brother-in-law again. 

Author Note: I have some poverty feelz again. Some of this stuff is directly from my personal experience. Also, BANKS SUCK.  Secondary Note: the Lawyers, Guns, and Money is a line from a Warren Zevon song of the same title. Check it out, it’s cute. @tisfan - feel free to follow me and come chat...