#i can’t believe i’m turning into an izzy apologist

[ineffablebrainrot]

s1 izzy: blackbeard is my captain, edward better watch his fucking step

s2 izzy: maybe we could talk it through, hang on ed captain

[littlehollyleaf]

my ongoing meltdown over Ed and Isabella’s relationship that I just can’t stop picking at apparently because I’m a glutton for punishment...

Okay I'm tentatively gonna try and open up more discussion on this, because I'm still struggling to get my head around some stuff and really want to understand all angles. Please don't... hate me...?

(also I know this is a sensitive and highly triggering subject for some - I'm tagging everything 'abuse for ts' but if you need me to tag it anything else just let me know)

So, Isabella was abusive when she forced an obviously non-consenting Ed to take part in a scenario in which she presented herself as the girlfriend he killed (aside: killed as a result of abusive behaviour of his own that is), making him re-live the trauma. And I do want to THANK everyone involved in discussions I've been part of already fyi for clarifying that YES 'abuse' IS the accurate descriptor for her actions, since there was and is, I think, a real issue at play here where abuse by women is less recognised than abuse by men and I believe I was blinkered in that regard with Izzy at first (which is an unhappy realisation for me because I thought I was better than that, but there you go).

While Izzy's abuse seems to have been emotionally positive for Ed on the surface (ie. he was smiling and appeared happy with how things turned out in the subsequent scene with Ozzie), it seems fair to argue that it caused deeper, long-term emotional/psychological harm.

Okay?

Now... when Ozzie killed Isabella, as well as being flat out first degree murder and thus non-negotiable as morally wrong (yes?), it caused Ed immediate and obvious emotional/psychological harm, didn't it? And Ozzie went on to take advantage of Ed's emotional vulnerability to become closer to him, both emotionally and physically.

Is that not... also... abusive behaviour? Of a different sort to Izzy's, ofc, but still – Oswald was being controlling and manipulative, as Izzy was when she dressed as Kristen, wasn't he?

Though I have seen arguments that put forward Ozzie as NOT taking advantage of Ed’s grief but simply trying to support Ed through it... but personally I’d need more discussion on that to convince me because since Ozzie was the CAUSE of Ed’s grief I find it difficult not to see moments such as when Ed falls into his arms at the morgue, allowing Ozzie to hug him, as Ozzie carefully and consciously positioning himself in such a way to gain personal benefits from Ed’s situation...

In any case though, even if Ozzie’s behaviour towards Ed can be taken as NOT abusive, surely Eddie is being UNQUESTIONABLY abusive of Oz RIGHT NOW? Forcing him to re-live the trauma of his father's death, making him question his sanity by having him see visions of his dead father and ofc whatever the hell physical trauma he's gonna put Ozzie through in 3.14. The serious and long-term physical/emotional/psychological abuse Oz is suffering and soon to suffer because of Eddie is very clear (yes?).

So... why is Izzy's abusive behaviour so often argued as such an insurmountable problem for her and Ed being a couple, while Ed and Oz's abuse of each other, or at least Ed’s current abuse of Oz... isn't?

Because with Ed and Oz, I am as happy as anyone to run with the kind of interpretations that argue: Oz doesn't have experience in how to love so ofc he did it badly; Ed needs to do this to bring them back to equal footing; they can move beyond this to a better relationship in the future; this is just part of the fucked up way they love each other; etc etc.

But... can't Eddie and Izzy be interpreted in a similar way?

If it’s possible to accept (though ofc NOT CONDONE!!) Ed’s (and Ozzie's) abusive behaviour as part of a wider nygmobblepot relationship, why should Izzy's abusive behaviour with Ed be such a deal-breaker?

There's pages and pages of interpretations of Ed and Oz that work to EXPLAIN and UNDERSTAND their reasons for treating each other badly, with much of the motivation being that they love each other.

Well... Izzy's motivation for abusing Ed was also love, or what she believed was love, so...? Can’t the same kind of sympathy/understanding applied to Ed and Oz also extend to her?

Now when OTHER ARGUMENTS about Ed and Izzy's relationship are included in the criticism then I can see more clearly how it doesn’t compare as favourably to nygmobblepot – eg. the fact she's identical to Kristen and how Ed 'loved' her so fast, plus her obsession with tragic love stories etc. suggests infatuation on both sides more than 'real' romantic love (though there's no reason fans can't ship their relationship as exactly that, is there?).

But it seems to be Izzy's abuse, and only her abuse, that I keep seeing coming up as the key element that utterly invalidates their relationship and so I am... confused as to why, if the same thing doesn't invalidate Ed and Oz's relationship?

Plus all this brings up other questions for me – like, can a relationship include moments where one party is abusive towards the other without the relationship as a whole being abusive? (if so, is this the case with Eddie and Izzy and/or Eddie and Oz? and if so why/why not?) and surely there is a difference between someone exhibiting abusive behaviour and someone being an abuser? (because I fear that Izzy's whole identity is becoming DEFINED by her abuse, whereas Ed’s (and Oz's) abuse is referenced as just one character trait)

And for the record - I myself do in fact interpret Ed and Ozzie's feelings for each other as deeper and more genuine than Ed and Izzy's were for each other. I wouldn't say I ship Ed/Isabella. Although I did enjoy watching their relationship play out and I've made no secret of how I LOVE Izzy's potential as a character and want more in depth exploration of her psyche and story (and for a little while along the way I was musing on the idea of an Eddie/Izzy/Ozzie OT3)... does this make me sick and wrong and an abuse apologist? but doesn't enjoying and analysising nygmobblepot mean I'm helping perpetuate the prioritising (or romantising?) of criminal white men? 

I don't want to downplay or dismiss abuse by women, I agree it's important that is more widely recognised than it is! But I don't want to ignore/excuse abusive behaviour by men either or unfairly demonise female characters as part of analysis of said men, you know?

Basically I don't know what to think anymore *cries*