#i can’t believe any of my writing can be someone’s comfort reading
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alovesreading · 7 months ago
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this is the cutest thing to come back home to 😭 i can’t believe be my mistake can bring someone comfort but i’m glad you enjoy it enough to consider it that 🥲🤍 thank you for reading my love xx
hi friends 👋
i just wanted to stop by to share some of the fics which i always return to and are now like comfort food for me. all of these awesome writers also inspired me to start posting here back in march so thank you. i appreciate you more than i could ever say 🤍
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be my mistake by @alovesreading
probably one of the first 75 fics i ever read once i got back on tumblr late last year. it is heartbreaking but i cannot stop myself from re-reading it every once in a while. a is such a sweet and talented person with so many amazing fics that you should check out if you haven't. another one of my faves by her is quarter past midnight, for all of the ross girlies out there.
body piercer!matty by @sugar-coat-it
i mean, there's not much i can say about our favourite mohawked punk boy. my dearest belle killed it with this au and he's become one of my go-to matty's in this world. i'd kill for a night with him lol. ilysm belle and whenever i see your handle pop up on my feed i cannot help but smile.
truth serum by @imagine-that-100
this fic is so freaking sweet and i love it so much. again, this is another one which i found soon after i came back to tumblr. if you even need a little pick-me-up, reading this will do the trick. matty taking care of you will always be a fave trope of mine. @imagine-that-100 has also created other beautiful au's and if you are ever looking for some alex turner x reader fic, will we talk? is beyond.
costumes by @toomuchracket
roleplay with matty in his lab coat? sign. me. up. this fic fucked with my mind in the best way possible. i think it was my first introduction to birthday party!matty. needless to say, i was instantly hooked. mads is an incredible writer and all of her au's are :chef's kiss:
playing on my mind by @ughgoaway
if you for some reason haven't read any of ace's teacher au, please do it tonight. you won't regret it. they've done an amazing job at building such a beautiful, cozy world that makes you feel like you're part of it. ace, i'll never be able to thank you enough for this.
truth or dare by @abiiors
brother's best friend daniel my beloved. a first time fic will always get me and this one stuck in my mind since the first time i read it. the amount of time i've spent reading vee's work should be alarming, but i don't care. i cannot get enough of it.
the dress by @kennedy-brooke
i'm usually a matty girl (surprise to no one here) but this george fic is amazing. the text exchange between george and matty is golden, and the smut is just... yeah. another one i've read way too many times but will never get tired of it. thank you so much @kennedy-brooke for this piece of gold.
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if you have the time, make sure to check out their work if you haven't already. i assure you won't be disappointed.
there are so many other amazing writers in this community so i'll have to do a part 2 of this so it doesn't get too long.
thank you for reading!
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aggieslittlebunny · 1 month ago
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PLEASE TALK TO ME
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MEN/MINORS DNI!!!
Pairing: University Student!Reader x Older!gf!Wanda
Summary: Reader’s life has always been hard, but as of late, it seems to be extremely harder for you. Your girlfriend, Wanda, is always ready to support you, but you push her away as your condition is getting worse and things escalate.
Trigger Warnings/Tags: angst, hurt/comfort, contain heavy/sensitive topic, mental illness, depressed reader, anxious reader, negative self-talk, self-harm, suicide attempt, suffering reader, reader have suspicion of being an ADHDer (but doesn’t get diagnosed). You have been warned, so don’t read this fic if there is a chance that you might get triggered, no matter how small the chance is. Please never hesitate to reach out to someone close to you or any professional help if you’re struggling mentally. You matter <3
Author Note: English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance for any gramatical and spelling errors ^^
Word Count: 3.5k
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Life has been hard for you lately, much harder than usual. You can’t exactly tell since when this has happened and the reasons behind it. Being a university student has always been a challenge. To be completely honest, despite getting A- for most of the courses you had, you always feel like you barely survived. Other students appear to be able to understand whatever topic the professors deliver right away. Besides that, it seems very easy for them to raise their hands and ask questions. Meanwhile, you? You can barely sit through three and a half hours of each lecture, let alone be focused throughout the whole thing. Being glued to the classroom chair for that long feels so horrible. Oftentimes, you think of excusing yourself to the restroom, but you are way too anxious to do that. All you can do is shift yourself in your seat every once in a while, but you can’t do that too much either because then people will notice how fidgety you are. You will attract unwanted attention.
Speaking of unwanted attention and being anxious, those are why it’s hard for you to ask questions during lectures. You don’t like having people’s eyes on you. You also keep asking yourself “what if my question is strange?” or “what if my question doesn’t make sense?” right after your brain makes a question, which gets you stuck in your head and prevents you from being an active student. That doesn’t mean you never ask questions. You pushed yourself to do that sometimes. You need to keep up with other students after all. But you truly despise it. You don’t like the feeling of your hands becoming clammy and how your heart beats very fast, making you breathe heavily.
Before you ask a question, you need to come up with one. That is also a problem for you since you believe that you have a short attention span. Your brain loves to wander, even when all you want to do is focus. You can pay attention to the professors’ voice and write down the important information you want to keep, but before you realize it, your train of thoughts are somewhere else and your hand has already stopped writing minutes ago. You have a lot of questions in your head, but you are afraid that they actually have been discussed and you just weren’t paying attention. You believe that you will look or sound ridiculous.
Your older girlfriend, Wanda, is aware of your struggles, but you haven't told her everything. You just let her know some bits without much detail. She is the most supportive girlfriend you have ever had. Well, she is your first girlfriend so that statement can’t be wrong. Seriously though, she is very supportive and sweet to you. You love her so much and will do anything to make her stay, even if that means hiding most of your problems and keeping your negative feelings bottled up.
You have been doing such a good job hiding how you feel in front of Wanda— and everyone. Thinking of people worried about you filled you with guilt, so you tend to just put on a happy or at least neutral look on your face. These past few weeks, your mask slowly cracks. Wanda started to notice the empty look in your eyes (no matter what expression you are making), the bag under your eyes, the forced cheerful tone escaping your lips, how you space out more frequently, how you seem to avoid people including her, and other behavior changes from you. Everytime she asks how you are doing, you will simply tell her that you’re fine, maybe a little tired. She knows you are not, but she doesn’t want to put pressure onto you and keep praying that you will open up soon. She keeps waiting and waiting. A couple of months passed and you seem to be getting worse. This makes her persuade you harder to tell her what is going on, but no matter how hard she tries, you never tell her the truth. You keep denying her that you are behaving really off and telling her that she is just overthinking.
“Sweetheart, you know that you can talk to me about anything at any time, right?” Wanda randomly blurts. Both of you are currently sitting on a bench in a park, eating ice cream while watching people minding their own business.
“Mmhm.”  you replied shortly with a faint positive tone. You can feel her gaze pointed at you, but you decide to keep your eyes watching a little girl laughing with her parents as they play catch with their dog.
“I’m sorry to keep bringing this up. I can’t help but be worried about you, baby. The more time passes, the more I notice how you seem to not be doing well. You don’t need to pretend that you’re okay in front of me. I want you to rely on me. I might not be able to solve all of your problems, but I will always be with you. We can face this together if you let me. You’re not alone. Please tell me what is going on.” one of her hands reaches yours. You look at Wanda the moment she holds your hand.
“I’m alright, seriously. Maybe I'm just a little bit tired. The finals week is getting near and I need to be ready for that. I don’t want to fall behind. Thank you for caring about me, but can we not talk about this right now? Maybe we can talk about it later, just… not now.”
“Okay, baby. I understand. Do you want to grab some lunch after this?”
A day after that, you suddenly stopped meeting Wanda. Most calls from her are ignored by you. The ones you picked up never last longer than five minutes. You told her that you need to focus on your study, but Wanda doubts that. She knows from one of your friends that you have been skipping a bunch of lectures. She considered visiting you in your dorm, but you always refused whenever she asked for your permission. You gave her a hard no right away, every single time, no consideration. She tries to respect your decision, but it is getting harder each day for her, and unbeknownst to her, for you either. You are getting worse and it is actually out of her expectation and imagination.
Now it has been three weeks since you stopped meeting Wanda. She always waits for any message from you that appears to be sent to her less and less as the days pass. Today she hasn’t received any. She is beyond worried, but she also knows that you are having finals this week. The semester ends soon and she hopes she will be able to hang out with you again since you will have lots of free time for a month. She gave you some space since she thought that is what you need. She tries to act chill about it, but each buzz coming from her phone never fails to make her jolt. She will check her phone right away and gets disappointed when she doesn’t see your name (or ‘my baby’ since she set your contact as that) on her notifications.
She heard from you on Friday. It is almost midnight, but she can’t sleep unless she does her daily reading before bed. Therefore, there she is. She is sitting comfortably in her bed, her back against the headboard, and there is an open book in her hand. It was peaceful until her phone buzzed. When she takes a glance at her phone, she swiftly picks it up and opens a message from you. You sent her a link. That link leads her to a letter written by you. Her eyes scan each word carefully. You are thanking her for being a wonderful girlfriend. As Wanda keeps reading, she hopes that you are just giving her a sweet letter of appreciation. Deep inside, she fears that you are breaking up with her, but she tries not to judge quickly since it is a pretty lengthy letter and she barely reaches the quarter part of it.
“When you are reading this, I have done something stupid.”
Wanda freezes for a solid ten seconds. After that, she stands up and runs to her car. She forgets her car keys so she sprints back in to grab it and then she leaves her house with her car. She left her house unlocked and she is still wearing her pajamas, but those are none of her concern right now. Her head chanting your name as well as prayers that you are safe. As she drives, she continues reading your letter. Her eyes moved from her screen to the road repeatedly until she finished reading it. After that she completely focuses on the road and might have crossed the speed limit several times. She reached your dorm room in twenty minutes, thanks to one of your close friends that is still awake and messaged her the number of your room.
She expected that she would have to break the door open, but she was wrong. The door isn’t locked. She knows right away that it was left like that by you on purpose. You told her so many times that you always lock your door twice because you’re afraid of the possibility that a stranger can get into your room easily. The sound of her footsteps echoes in your room. Your room is dark, but there is light from the sideroad lamp slipping through your window. She saw the lump of your body covered with your favorite blanket in your bed and she approached you in a hurry. She cradles your face in her palms. She noticed your irregular breathing and that you are breathing through your mouth. She also quickly noticed that there is a kind of chemical smell coming out from your mouth. Her hand reached the phone in her pocket and she dialed the emergency number, asking for an ambulance. It will take around ten minutes for it to arrive.
Just when she is about to wake you up, she accidentally knocks over a mug on your bedside table. It is now on the ground and the liquid inside it seeps into the rug. At first she thought it was tea, but after a quick sniff into the air, she realized that it is not tea or at least not just tea. The smell is exactly the same as what is coming out from your mouth. She checked the water bottle that was sitting beside the mug. She remembers how you brought the bottle with you all the time. It has such a bold pink color and there is a picture of a rabbit saying ‘life is beautiful’ on it. She opens the bottle and at first glance it looks like it’s filled with normal water, but the somewhat gray look as well as the strong chemical scent said otherwise. Shortly after that, her eyes spot a little trash can near the bed. She noticed some tissues covered with blood as well as an empty bug spray can.
“Shit.” she thought.
“Baby? Baby, wake up. Please. Can you hear me?” Wanda tries to wake you up with panic in her voice. She pulls your blanket away to take a look at your arms and wrists. She found nothing. But a second later she saw some dried blood prints on your shorts, the left thigh part to be exact. After that, she taps your cheek and shakes your body firmly which elicits a groan from you.
“I’m sorry, Wanda. I’m so sorry. Please don’t be mad at me.” You replied faintly. It is clear that you are slipping in and out of consciousness.
“Shh, you will be okay. There is nothing to be sorry for; I’m not mad at you. I love you very much. Please don’t go back to sleep. Stay with me, sweetie. I’ll get you to the hospital. The ambulance is coming.”
The paramedic comes soon after that and you are brought to the hospital. The emergency room is very cold and quiet. Maybe not that quiet since you hear people’s voices, but everything is so faint and blurry to you. After you get treated, Wanda is allowed to see you. She sees you smiling a little and she smiles back as she walks closer towards you.
You start telling her what has been happening in your life. Wanda sits on the hospital bed that you occupied, holding your hand as she hears your story. You tell her that you always feel so different throughout your life. You always feel like you are always in a race to keep up with other people around you. It gets harder and harder, especially with the fact that you’re a student in a top university. You tell her that since you get into university, your life is way messier than before. Keeping up with other students almost feels impossible. You try and try and try, but it is never enough. You are never satisfied and you feel like you are the most stupid student compared to other students in the same year as you.
Your grades might say different things, but there are endless efforts to get those grades. You are a procrastinator, but it is not because you don’t want to do your responsibility. Most of the time, you just can’t. Your body and brain won’t function the way you want them to and you despise that part of yourself because that makes you feel lazy. But you also barely get any sleep to finish your assignments, prepare your part in group assignments, and sometimes you cover your friend’s part or any extra part. That caused you to sleep like three hours a day. Some days four, the other days two, and this rarely happens but you can go two or three days without sleep. You have been living with this terrible sleep schedule for three years now. All you want is to be like other students. You’re scared of falling behind. You know you will not survive by yourself so you want your classmates to be able to rely on you on group projects. You want as many classmates as possible to like you. 
“I’m so tired, Wanda. I’m exhausted.” You sighed painfully.
You proceed to tell her how your head was slowly becoming evil to you. It’s never peaceful in your head. Different things are piling up inside it. They’re messy piles and your brain seems to insist on unpacking them all at the same time. You can feel the chaos within your body and mind. The chaos streaming in your blood makes you want to curl up and disappear. Then it’s getting worse. Your brain started telling you various negative things:
“No one likes you.”
“Your friends hate you. They talk about you behind your back”
“You’re a terrible person.”
You began to believe those things. Watching your friends surrounding a table in the cafeteria leads you to think that they were talking shitty stuff about you. Especially after a friend of yours noticed that you were crying in front of the class but said nothing. After that, you started to spend lots of time hiding in the restroom stall to cry, usually before class. You were terrified by people around you and your own brain. Then you seek out some help. You reached out to a counselor provided by your university. You confessed to her about the problems you have been having as of late, and talking helps, but not much. Your brain is still very mean to you. At some point you really want to know what is going on with you. You desperately want an explanation on why you feel so different compared to others since you were a little kid. You dived into the internet, researching stuff based on your struggles. You are very sure that you’re suffering from depression, maybe even anxiety. But you believe that there is something more. After weeks of researching, you have a suspicion that you might have ADHD. You read some books, watched lots of videos, and asked some of your online friends who are ADHDer. 
“I can never be sure until I get a proper diagnosis and I can’t get a diagnosis from a counselor. But if my counselor can at least agree with my suspicion, I assume it will be easier for me to get actual diagnosis. Therefore I talked about it with her, my counselor. I didn’t explicitly say to her that I think I might have ADHD. Instead, I tell her my life experiences that relate to the symptoms. At one point she cut my story.”
“Aren’t you just lazy?” the words your counselor threw at you echo in your brain.
“Am I just lazy, Wanda? Please tell me it’s not true. I’m trying. I always try! Please believe me! I-”
Wanda instantly cups your face in her hands and rests her forehead against yours.
“Breathe, sweetie. Deep breath. I’m with you. You’re not lazy. Not at all. You have been trying your best. I know it, baby.”
“It’s so painful! It feels like she throws away my self-image I’ve been building all my life. The sleepless nights… The notes covering my dorm walls…” you take a sharp breath and continue, “Even as a kid, my parents pushed me so hard to study. In elementary school, they will make me study until midnight during test weeks. In middle school I fell behind, but managed to push myself so that I could get into a good highschool. I push myself all the time to keep up with everybody else. Maybe I also do it so my parents will keep loving me. To them, my grades define who I am. They expect so much from me. It hurts…” you cry at the last two words and Wanda embraces you in a warm hug.
“The day when my counselor said that, I walked back to my dorm room with tears streaming down my face. I sobbed as I walked, maybe some strangers saw me in that state, but I was in too much agony to care. I stopped seeking out help from anyone. I just want to know why I am the way I am. But I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t stand feeling so different than anyone else. I also throw that suspicion away. I can’t face it since then.” you pushed Wanda away gently to look at her face. You can see tenderness in her eyes. How can you be so lucky to have her?
“I guess that pushed me further to this point. I didn’t get any help. I pushed myself even harder. I carried way much more stuff than I can handle. Last week, I constantly had my nose bleeding. That keeps going for like five days. I hurt myself too several times. It’s like I’m literally sacrificing my blood, sweat, and tears to survive. Then my head started telling me harmful stuff and questioning my worth of living.”
“Why are you still trying?”
“Why are you here?”
“Why don’t you just kill yourself?”
“You should just kill yourself.”
“You should kill your family members too. They are in danger and you need to end their lives to save them.”
“I’m terrified, Wanda! I’m scared! I’m scared of myself so much. You have no idea. That’s why I ended up here. I thought this was the only way to fix this. I’m so sorry…”
“Baby…” a tear runs down Wanda’s cheek and she leaves a kiss on top of your head before speaking up again, “Thank you for telling me this, sweetheart. I know there is still so much left unsaid and I know you’re telling me as much as you can at this moment. Thank you for trusting me with this. I’m not mad at you. I’m not angry. I’m not disappointed. But may I know why you kept telling me that you’re fine on those days?”
“I’m afraid that I will become a burden and you will think that I’m too much and…”
“I will leave you?” you nod.
“I'm sorry, Wanda. I truly am sorry.”
“Stop that, baby. It’s fine now. You will get proper help after this and I will always support you. I’m not going anywhere. Let’s take it slow, yeah?” you nod once again and pull her into a tight hug.
“Thank you.”
Wanda’s hand begins to stroke your hair lovingly, “Please never hesitate to tell me anything in the future. You can stay at my place when your head is being very mean to you. In fact you can stay at my place anytime. I won’t mind seeing your little cute face every morning, I would love that. We can work on your sleep schedule together and maybe find a study method that suits you. I know it’s not easy and you’ve been struggling very hard by yourself, but you don’t have to do that anymore. You don’t have to be by yourself. You have me. I got you, sweetheart.”
“What did I do to deserve you, Wands?”
“You don’t need to do anything to be loved by me. I love you, more than you know.”
“I love you too. I love you to the moon and back.”
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heedeungism · 6 months ago
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synopsis: riki knows you better than anyone else. includes: bridgerton au (barely), a little women reference, confessions of love, pre-marital kissing (the scandal!), gross old men, arranged marriage notes: @hoes4hoseok i hope you enjoy my timothee chalamification of riki, this one's for you girl🩷
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there’s a thin line between love and friendship. your mother says she was friends with your father before she ever learned to love him, never in the way the poets rave, but in a way that made her life easier. in her words, “a love match is as rare as a diamond, dear. you shouldn’t hold out hope of one should it ruin your debut.”
it’s a shame, you think, that you can love someone so deeply and yet there’s no guarantee they’ll share the sentiment, nor a chance to see if what you feel is dwindling infatuation or true unyielding devotion. it’s improper to explore your options, greedy to want more than expected, and childish to yearn for love. yet you do.
your debut season approaches fast, and with it, the heavy promise of your hand to baron mortimer weighs your heart down like an anchor keeping you from daydreaming of the things you had read and researched about love.  he’s wealthy, titled, and twice your age. he would give your family a more comfortable life, save you from the shame of becoming a spinster if you do not find another suitable match your first season, and seems to be respectable enough despite his intent to marry you, a soon-to-be debutante he set his eyes upon years ago. it’s unnerving, but your mother speaks of him without disdain, so you keep your anxieties about his character at bay.
unfortunately, your dearest friend plagues your mind just so. riki’s return from oxford approaches with the same swiftness as your debut. you dread the idea of no longer having the liberty to write to him or paint him when he’s a willing muse, as it would be improper to do so while promised to another. for that reason you have yet to write to him since your last letter a week ago, where in it you bid him the gentlest farewell you could to help ease the ache in your heart.
you aren’t sure if he even received it, as he has not written back, but you suppose it’s for the best.
at least you believe that until he’s before you with unkempt hair and a haunted look in his tormented gaze. 
“tell me it is not true.” he says, chest rising and falling as if he had run from oxford to mayfair on foot, though perhaps he had been traveling by carriage since he received the letter clutched between his fingers. “tell me you are not marrying that man.”
you are unsure of how to respond, your lips parting hut no words leaving them. you turn toward your ladies maid, who blinks wildly as she receives the message, placing your hairpin down and hastening out of the room past the viscount’s son. the door clicks and yet his gaze remains unyielding, you finally speak, “you are back early, mr nishimura.”
riki had always been exceedingly easy to read, only to you, he used to pout. this moment is no different, and you can see how hard it is for him to wrap his head around his title leaving your lips instead of his name, but he recovers enough to repeat himself, “tell me.”
you place a hand on your stomach, squeezed by a corset that you suspect is why you can’t seem to catch your breath, “i will not lie to you.”
his brows furrow, his teeth peeking from his plump lips as they part in disgust and frustration, “he is old.”
“yes, i am aware of lord mortimer’s age.” you say with a similar frustration on your tongue that is heavily withheld by your propriety, “my mother saw it pertinent i educate myself before our marriage.”
“you cannot marry him.” riki says, and the frustration in your blood blooms into something more, something worse.
“that is not your decision to make.” you state, mindlessly flattening invisible wrinkles in your dress as he takes a step closer, only for you to fortify the distance with one of your own in the same direction, “not any more than it is mine.”
“you…” he loses his words as his hand clenches and releases at his side like he longs to reach for you, “you do not want this.”
“what i want does not matter to my parents anymore than it should to you,” you state, attempting to tuck the loose strand of hair that your ladies maid hadn’t the time to fit into your updo behind your ear, only for it to fall right back into place against your cheekbone, “lord mortimer is wealthy, he will give me a comfortable life.”
“do you not deserve a happy one?” riki asks, and you feel the cracks in your chest widen. instinctively, you fight the tremble of your chin and the tug in your brow as tears attempt to fit through the open crevice of your act.
“no, don’t—“ you shake your eyes, turning away from him as your arms drop to your sides, “don’t do that. i have accepted my future, i do not need you planting doubts in my mind.”
“what use would planting them do when i can see they’ve already taken root far before i arrived here?” you overlook the step he takes, nor how large his stride is. he only takes one yet it makes all the difference, as he feels infinitely closer than before. just as you feared he would.
“stop it.” you say, masked inside a heavy exhale, yet a plea all the same. “you should be visiting with your sisters, i’m sure they missed you dearly—“
“don’t marry him.” he says, and you finally look at him.
“what?” you ask despite knowing exactly what he said, you want to hear him say it again to make sure it wasn’t in your head.
he shakes his head, taking another step closer, “don’t marry him.”
“you…” he doesn't have to explain what he means, your childish hopes of love that you’d hidden so deep in your conscience do so for him. your heart sings as his eyes flick between your own and then down the bridge of your nose and lower, but your mind refuses to bend as your heart does. you shake your head, shuffling back to salvage whatever distance you can, “no.”
“yes.” he responds in kind, dropping the letter and closing the distance between the two of you to grab your hands. his next words are paired with the act of him flattening your palm against his chest, keeping it there while he grasps the other in his much larger hand, “you can’t marry him.”
“you are being cruel.” you try to pull away, but his grip is firm and you know that if you meet his gaze you won’t be able to fight it anymore.
there’s a sickening silence as his thumb draws shapes on the back of your hand, you can feel his heartbeat. it’s strong, and its pace only feeds your own heart wanton promises of devotion you had only ever been told were too rare to expect in your lifetime, “tell me you do not want me.”
the suddenness of his demand lowers your guard for just long enough for your heart to find the upper ground and force your eyes into his sights, he repeats himself, “tell me you do not want me and i will leave you to marry lord mortimer.” his words are punctuated by the hand not holding yours to his heart grasping the side of your jaw, his thumb moving against your warmed cheek, “tell me and i will never speak to you again, just as you requested in your letter. you will never have to see me and i won’t—“
“i don’t want that.” the words leave your lips without warning, but it’s too late to take them back by the time they reach his ears. you shake your head, “i don’t—i don’t want to marry, i want to paint and read and—“
he listens as your supposed acceptance crumbles beneath his gaze, chest heaving under your palm. “—i want to do all of those things with you, i do. the baron has my parents under his wretched thumb and i cannot bear it, i cannot—“ a sharp inhale rakes your body, a mix of a sob and a desperate but fruitless attempt to regain composure, “i don’t want you to go away, i want you to stay here with me and—“
his lips meet yours with a firmness that sets your heart aflame, and when he pulls away just enough to look at you your heart finally lands the finishing blow in its fight against your mind. your hand lingers on his chest as the one he uses to keep it there moves to mirror its counterpart on the other side of your jaw.
you barely glance down at his lips before they’re on yours again, a welcome experience that you hope you can experience over and over until you’re utterly familiar, but now you're not sure how to reciprocate. the novels you’ve read did little to educate you on the experience, much less prepare you for it to occur with the boy you’d found yourself longing for through the years. 
the gasp you let out when his hand moves from your jaw to your waist to tug you closer is silenced by his lips attaching themselves to yours like he’d spent a lifetime wishing to taste you.
he pulls away, yet he doesn't seem keen on keeping the distance, his nose brushing yours as he promises, “i will speak to your parents—”
the mention of them has your guts turning painfully enough to rip you away from him, nausea hitting you like a bullet through your throat, “i should not have done that.”
“i kissed you—“ his statement does little to quell your sickness, and the wavering grate in your voice as you interrupt him is telling of that. “that changes nothing.” your fingers move to your hair, the pin keeping it in place falling to the floor as you tug, “i am ruined. forget marrying the baron, i cannot marry anyone.”
“was i not clear?” he asks, and when you look at him with frustrated reluctance he continues, “should i gut myself? place my heart in your hands to have you understand how you haunt me?”
“we cannot marry.” you say, bottom lip trembling, “i will not be a consequence of your actions. it is not your duty to marry me when i am the only one ruined.”
riki’s jaw shifts as if your words brought him only fury, “i do not care for duty, i care for you.” 
“you are young, riki. you are not expected to marry for at least—“
“i want to.” he states firmly, “you said you wanted me to stay, so i am staying. i will dance with you at balls. i will send flowers and call on you every morning. i will promenade alongside you for as long as it takes. i…”
he moves towards you, thumbs brushing away the tears under your eyes as his forehead meets yours, “i am yours, do with me what you will.”
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©heedeungism : do not rewrite, copy, repost, or translate any of my works without my permission.
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obeymematches · 6 months ago
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Hello~! Can I request a headcanon for an Mc that can’t sleep alone? Like they feel much safer sleeping next to someone. Thank you so much and take as much time as you need~! ☺️
ohhh i know how you feel, i also prefer sleeping with someone ��� thank you for sending in a request & inspiring me, i had fun writing this💫
💤Sleeping together💤
Lucifer:
He is awake when you go over to his room. He didn't have intentions to sleep yet but he wants what is best for you. It is your secret mission to get him to do what is best for him. He gets addicted to sleeping with you also. Even if he has evening plans with Diavolo / he seriously has to work late he insists you stay in his room & he joins when he can.
Nothing could make me more at ease than feeling you sleep by my side.
Mammon:
Guess what MC he can't sleep without you either!! Whew good thing you two are on the same page!! He must hold you with his arms AND his legs to fall asleep. After that he'll toss and turn though. Gets super sad if you tell him no sleeping together tonight. He would never do this to you!! 😩
Are ya comfy MC? Wanna stroke my hair? Just a little?
Leviathan:
Quickly becomes addicted to your warmth surrounding him through the night. Never let go pls. You are a very good influence on his sleep schedule! Doesn't get as clingy as Mammon but damn he is very close to that level. Must get a bigger blanket so you stop stealing it so easily!
There there MC! My only duty now is to keep you warm!
Satan:
Oh you won't get him to sleep when he doesn't want to so easily. He lets you sleep on his bed but he isn't in a rush to join you in dreamland; yes he does lay next to you but he is still busy reading! Loves to cuddle even though you might not remember much of it the next day. I think he doesn't complain if you sleep together often as long as you are not demanding it.
Nights with you are the most peaceful. Thank you  for being with me MC.
Asmodeus:
Gotcha! He suggests sleeping together before you do! Never ever complains if you want to spend the night! Free to cuddle any time of the day if you want to nap!
My dove, resting with you calms me down every night. You look cute when you are sound asleep, did you know?
Beelzebub:
Blushes at the suggestion of helping you sleep solely by being next to you. Very careful not to be too heavy for you! Would never dare to suggest it but gladly sleeps with you every night if that's what you wish!
MC.... I love you so much, being your pillow is my pleasure!
Belphie:
Honestly he doesn't mind if you randomly visit him through the night to sleep with him. If he likes you he is going to make sure you have the best sleep of your life and you become addicted to him quickly.
That's it MC, now close your eyes and take a rest. I'll be guarding your dreams.
Diavolo:
Ah his lonely ass is craving your company 0-24 so honestly he would never refuse sleeping together. Has to make sure he has the most comfortable beddings on! Please cuddle him like his life depends on it, he is going to devote himself pretty soon if you keep it going!
I can't believe I was missing out on this feeling... somehow your presence makes me feel safe. I don't understand how either.
Barbatos:
Hmmm I think he likes his independence but how could he refuse you? You can rarely sleep together though so he isn't going to be the best candidate for this request unfortunately :( If you do though it's going to make you view him in a very different light; he rarely lets anyone see hin so vulnerable!
On one condition, we can sleep together. No taking pictures, you can only close your eyes and sleep!
Solomon:
Ohhh a feeling he was longing for for so long... and now it happens every night. He probably doesn't go to sleep early though so he just joins when he is ready to sleep. It is his pleasure to cuddle you through the night!
I could really get used to this, MC. Shall we do this tomorrow as well?
Simeon:
Okay one step at a time! First just cuddling on the couch, then on the bed, only after that you might sleep together! Doesn't complain though and feels bad for making you wait so long. Loves to caress your back as you're cuddled up to his chest!
This feeling.... do you feel it too, MC? I never want this moment to end.
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jjenthusee · 1 month ago
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Hourglass
Pairing: AK!Jason x Reader
A/N: ooo boi, let’s try a new Jason! Arkham Knight Jason my beloved my tragic king. I hope my interpretation lives up to expectations. This is dedicated to @heavysighing-dreamyeyes because i’ve seen the writing on their AK Jason and it made me want to give it a try :) tons of flowers for them 💐 ENJOY :D comment any thoughts, i love to read them
Summary: Who is Jason? You don’t seem to know anymore.
Tags: angst, hurt/no comfort, toxic Jason, angst follows AK jason he can’t escape it, possessive Jason, warnings: mentions of blood
Word Count: 1.1k
“You lied to me!” You screamed, making your throat sting at the guttural sound leaving your body.
Every inch of your body shook, your eyes blurring at the burn of your anger…or sadness? Whatever it was, it was taking over you fully.
Your thoughts completely plagued by old memories, old decisions that you had repeatedly told yourself that were nothing but you overthinking, that it was going to be okay.
Now you were paying for it. Mentally and physically.
“I know.” Jason stood calmly. Voice so normal you felt like you were going crazy.
Tick.
Like this was all some twisted joke and he was ready to tell you it was all fake. That he had not done the one thing you pushed to the back of your mind every night, holding onto Jason’s body and shirt before you closed your eyes to sleep.
“I can’t believe I listened to you!” You started to scratch at your arm. Feeling the prick of your skin as the pain was the only thing keeping you in the present. “I trusted everything you told me—“
Tick.
“I had to do it—“ Jason’s voice steadily explained.
You couldn’t look at him. You couldn’t bear looking into the same eyes you have laid out everything to.
“You don’t love me—you never have!” You felt your legs starting to wobble, your body twitching as the emotions of betrayal were all too overwhelming.
Tick.
You were running into furniture, unable to see anything past the blurs of hot tears. The edge of the dining table cutting into your waist causing you to cry out at the sting.
You imagined if someone were to look between the two of you, they would assume you were having two completely different conversations.
Tick.
Two people in two different scenes, two different scenarios.
“I do love you.” Jason stepped forward, letting a tinge of tenderness slip, something he used on the days you two spent together, when he wasn’t covered head to toe in blood.
When there wasn’t red footsteps littering your home.
But all it did now was make you hazy, no longer capable of deciding what was real or in your emotional madness.
Tick.
He felt too calm. Like he predicted your hysterical reaction and was cleaning up the pieces as you let your deranged mind say and do what you wanted.
Tick.
Your scratched arms hurt, your sides hurt, your chest hurt from the grating breaths leaving your lungs.
Tick.
Every single second felt like agony.
“I love you so much.” Jason took another step.
“No.”
Tick. Tick.
“We can get passed this—“
“Stop.”
Make it stop. Make him stop.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
Please.
TickTickTickTick
You couldn’t do this.
Each step from his heavy boots echoed in your ears. Your head hung down to your chest and you couldn’t bare to move, only caving in to your body.
Your pupils shook, radiating and pulsing as you kept them down.
Jason reached toward you, the blood covering his hands smearing onto your face, under your chin.
Red hot alarms were going off in your head.
Stop. Stop. Stop.
“No, no! Do not touch me!” You started to pace back, not making it far because your legs were shaking so badly.
The blood stunk.
The metallic stench was making your stomach crawl.
“I did it for us, for you.” Jason kept stepping closer. Bringing the rotten smell closer to you.
“Nothing has ever been for us. Look at yourself!”
“Please. I just need you. Only you.”
“I don’t want this. You killed all those people. You don’t do that!” You yelled, falling to the floor, breathless as your legs finally couldn’t handle your racing heart. “You don’t do that.” You quietly repeated to yourself, all energy draining from your body.
Your high from the anger minimizing as your energy was rapidly being used up.
You continued to mumble to yourself. Incoherent thoughts and debate leaving your mouth in jumbled mumbles as your mind couldn’t process anything he was doing.
Jason fell down to his knees next to you.
“You can’t abandon me, not like Bruce did. I can live in the anger that I have for him, but I won’t survive a moment without you in my life. You can’t leave me.” Jason shakily grabbed onto your shoulders.
His grip hurting, digging into your skin even through your clothes. Your wince blending into your gasps for air in your need to flail away from him.
The madness in his eyes scared you.
Who was this?
Like a switch, he started to rub your arms, so gentle in the ways you always knew. In the same way you liked, but right now you hated every single disgusting second of it.
“Jason, I can’t do this! I can’t—“
“No, no, we can get out of this. I promise.”
“I can’t listen to another one of your stupid lies.”
“I’m not lying, I’m telling you the truth. Please believe me.” He leaned in. Gently nudging his forehead to yours.
“I gave up everything to be here with you.” You choked out. Your body and mind confused at what to consider sincere and the want to reciprocate his physical touch.
“I know, I know. But you have me. We have each other.” He gently whispered.
“But all of this.” You harshly spoke, looking at his bloodied armor. “This doesn’t involve me as much as you want to believe it does.”
You gasped, tears running down your face, removing parts of the red that stained your face.
“You didn’t wake up from the dead to come back to me. As much as I lie to myself everyday that you did.” You clawed at Jason, but his armor didn’t even scratch, no inch of skin visible beside his face.
You were out of breath. It was a miracle you were getting any words out.
“My Jason is gone—“ You cried, voice completely gone.
“I’m right here—“ Jason cooed. His eyebrows scrunching at you completely falling apart in front of him.
“My Jason is gone…he’s gone.” You weeped.
All anger and feeling in your muscles vanished, overcome with grief. Something you had pushed down, that you never fully processed until Jason had come back.
Broken, but in one piece.
It was a miracle, but he always felt off. Like something in your ears was whispering that he wasn’t real.
And it was right.
He wasn’t the real Jason.
Not the way you knew him.
But he was here.
He was holding you.
Tick.
In shaky hesitancy, you reached up.
Slowly embracing the man who had betrayed you. Who was planning something so atrocious you couldn’t fathom the scale of it.
Your legs shook from the cold floor, but you held onto Jason, equally as cold.
With numb fingers, you tightly held on.
You felt him cusp the back of your head.
The blood that wasn’t his smeared onto you. A physical seal that you were joining in on the sins of this man, this awful, awful man.
You squeezed him, closing your eyes.
Tick.
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bohoteacher · 4 months ago
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Navigating Betrayal: Reconciling Admiration with Disillusionment
Like many Neil Gaiman fans this month, I've been shocked and distressed by the news regarding the SA allegations. I won't go over the details, as they're readily available online. I'll start by saying that I believe the accusers, and even the most lenient interpretation of events is still troubling enough to discredit Gaiman. For a long time, I didn't know what to say. I was just shocked and, somewhat naively, felt betrayed. I don't typically idolize actors, authors, or other public figures—I'm here for the characters, they're who I love and believe in. So, how did I end up believing in this man and his rhetoric?
I only had a parasocial relationship with him, which is to say no real relationship at all. But I took his Masterclass on writing, spent hours taking notes, and learned from him. I feel betrayed by someone I saw as a beloved teacher. I know this is insignificant compared to what the women who came forward experienced, but it's a valid feeling, and I needed time to process it. My initial reaction was to throw out and discount everything he’s ever written or done—of course it was.
This isn't just about my love for Good Omens, although how can it not be? I learned so much from this man—about writing, about not being too hard on myself, about the creative process. I read his books to my middle school classes, and we all learned how to be better people from them. Today, I saw and bought Instructions, a children’s book by Neil Gaiman illustrated by Charles Vess, from the used bookstore where I volunteer. It was a used copy, so no royalties will go to him. It’s a beautifully illustrated book where the main character walks through a land that clearly symbolizes life, learning lessons like saying please and "if any creature cries to you that it hurts, if you can, ease its pain." How could someone write this and then do what he did? I asked myself. "What an evil hypocrite," was my first thought. But then I recalled a line from another author, Stephen King. In The Stand, a character is described as "awake at the lectern, but asleep at the switch," meaning they know the right thing to do and can talk about it, but in the moment of choice, they act without integrity.
I don’t know if I’m making sense, but I think it’s too easy to label Gaiman as simply evil, as if he intentionally manipulated us by saying the right things just to make us read or watch his creations. The reality is likely far more complicated. Within this man is the amazing, thought-provoking, life-affirming wisdom that many of us have tried to live by, but also the hard, thoughtless, selfish cruelty that led him to abuse young, vulnerable women. The wisdom does not justify the abuse, and the abuse does not nullify the wisdom.
I think it's too simplistic to say Gaiman is despicable and always has been, hiding it from us all along. This doesn't acknowledge the complexity of human nature—that there is potential for both good and bad within us all. As it’s said, possibly by Terry Pratchett or possibly by Neil Gaiman, “It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.”
Gaiman is a man who has done some fundamentally good things and some fundamentally bad things. I can’t forget either one.
This is just my opinion. I know some people want to cancel him, while others want to exonerate him. You do you. As for me, I will continue to love Aziraphale and Crowley. I will continue to read and create fan-fiction. I will continue to find comfort and wisdom in books that have meant so much to me over the years. But I will also remember that they were created by a very flawed man whom I can no longer trust.
I understand that opinions on this matter vary widely. I know some people might feel that not discarding everything associated with him is wrong, but this is where I stand. I’m not looking to debate this or be told how I should react. I just needed to process my thoughts in writing and move forward in the way that feels right for me.
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skyloftian-nutcase · 2 months ago
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After a month of Whump, it’s gonna be Fluff Time!!
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Hello! This is Fluffvember, a month long event of pure fluff and comfort! This was originally an idea made by @/kjpurplepineapple, to follow a month of whump (whumptober) with a month of fluff, and I loved it so much I’ve just carried it on for the last two years. :) Figured I’d make some prompts so we could all have fun together.
RULES:
The prompts are listed in a numerical order, but they are not tied to any given day. Do whatever prompt on whatever day you like! If prompt #1 appeals to you but you don’t have time to get it done by November 1, do it any day of the month. :) You are also more than welcome to just stick to the order listed.
Writing/art can be pure unadulterated fluff, calm slice of life moments, easygoing reading… it can even be hurt/comfort! As long as the comfort heavily outweighs the hurt, all warm, fuzzy vibes are welcome. ❤️ The point of this event is to share nice vibes, both to our characters and each other. :)
You don’t have to tag me if you don’t want to, but it would be fun if you tag your writing/art with #fluffvember so I and others who want to indulge in comfort/fuzzy vibes can find it!
Without further ado, here are the prompts! Pick a theme/word prompts or a quote, or both!
Snow // “I’m stealing your blanket”
Blanket fort // “Come back to bed”
Nature walk // “I’m sorry, when did we step in paradise??”
Hot spring // “This hits the spot”
Apple picking // “Oh my gosh, you do not know how to cook”
Windy day // “Come closer, I can’t hear—ahhh too close, too close!”
Massage // “I didn’t know you could sing”
Bird watching // “Why are you looking at me like that?”
Homecoming // “I missed you”
Accommodating // “I’ve got you”
Teaching/learning // “It’s tradition”
Dog/cat/pet // “I can die happy now”
Friendly competition // “You’re going to love this”
In the rain // “Let me help you”
In the firelight/candlelight // “I love you”
Hug // “This isn’t a negotiation, friend”
Favorite book/story // “I wanted to share this with you”
Music // “I learned this from my parents”
Family time // “We’re very blessed”
Coming of age // “I’m so proud of you”
The Reluctant Softie // “UGH FINE I’LL DO IT”
Teddy bear/animal plushie // “Give [insert] a kiss for me”
Self care // “Thank you for believing in me”
Cuddle pile // “You’re not gonna let go, are you?”
Washing someone’s hair // “I can stay with you”
Infodumping // “I love hearing you talk about this”
Gift giving // “This made me think of you”
Inside joke // “I definitely missed something, didn’t I?”
Accidental acquisition // “Uh… whose kid is this?”
Cooking as a love language // “Do you like it?”
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pear1escence · 7 months ago
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Hello! I read your “being keegan’s girlfriend would entail…” and was wondering if you could do one for David/Hesh Walker? My manz doesn’t get enough love
If not that’s totally okay! Thanks for reading!
Being Keegan’s girlfriend would entail…
Being David Walker’s girlfriend would entail…
David ‘Hesh’ Walker x fem!Reader (that’s my last name too actually wink wink)
Explicit - 18+
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⭒ He’s got a lot of room in his heart for tenderness.
⭒ The pain he feels from having lost his father hasn’t gone away, but it doesn’t plague him like it used to. (Listen, we’ve got Logan safe and sound in this universe our man doesn’t need any more problems)
⭒ What he needs from a lover is patience. The violence he’s experienced, it’s made him rougher around the edges. (Tougher? Rougher? Pls help) He just needs a lil time to soften up to you, I think Hesh would be the sweetest man f’you, such a loving and considerate boyfriend.
⭒ Hesh cherishes the intimate, sweet moments of a relationship. Holding you in his arms in the early hours of the morning, listening to your little puffs of breath, the calmness in your face as you sleep.
⭒ He’s so gentle with you. If it’s his thumb stroking over your cheek in soothing motions, or the palm of his hand running along the soft skin of your back. Treats you so well.
⭒ Chemtrails over the Country Clubs by Lana Del Rey reminds me of him. ‘Tulsa Jesus Freak’ and ‘Let Me Love You Like A Woman’ are Hesh songs to me. Very domestic and intimate.
⭒ I think of him as a socially confident person, a man who carries himself with confidence, falls into conversation easily. He’s charming he’s got rizz basically, you don’t have to search for long to find the reasons you fell for him.
⭒ I mean…pretty green eyes, tall, arms like his? I’d eat him up.
⭒ He’d date someone shy, I think. I think he’d find your shyness endearing, amusing even.
⭒ He loves taking you out for dinner, partly because he loves the sight of you all dressed up for him. He strikes me as someone with he a classic taste, likes romantic makeup styles, dresses that hug your curves and lacy lingerie.
⭒ His softness carries over into the bedroom, of course. I can’t imagine him being degrading or enjoying anything too rough, honestly. He can’t resist teasing you a bit though, a little meanness is all fun. He likes you submissive though, and he can be stern sometimes. Who’s complaining anyways let’s be honest with ourselves😓
⭒ He’s gonna be groping you mercilessly. Loves soft thighs, a nice pair of tiddies, anything soft. He’s big on foreplay, loves to finger you while praising you. Luvs to praise.
⭒ He WILL suck on your nipples. Probably groaning about how much he loves your body while doing so.
⭒ Wouldn’t actually choke you, but he’ll wrap a hand around your neck nd apply pressure gently, he likes seeing his hand ‘round your neck + you find it grounding, even comforting.
⭒ Makes you look him in the eyes while his hand is in your panties, “Does that feel good, baby? Yeah?” Nd you best believe he’s stopping if he doesn’t get an answer.
⭒ Very into eye contact while he’s fucking you. Again with the “You like that, pretty girl?” While gripping your jaw nd making you look at him, groaning out a “Good girl” once you answer him.
⭒ This just turned into sex headcannons bruh😞
⭒ Loves blowjobs. Also lowkey wants you to lick/suck on his balls but he’s a bit embarrassed to ask, you’ll figure out he enjoys it from his reactions anyways. Also pretty hairy, but not as much of a bear man as Keegan is.
⭒ He sends you pics of him in his combat uniform while he’s out on deployment. He’ll certainly appreciate pics of you in return, a mirror selfie of you in some nice lingerie would drive him crazy. Loves a nice photo of you in his boxers too.
⭒ I think he’d be very shy about reciprocating those kinds of images, but he’d send you over some mildly suggestive ones. He’d be very confused if you ask for a nut vid. (That sounds so fucking dumb, nut vid??)
Me?? Writing for someone other that Keegan??? No but this was fun, I’ve been wanting to write for Hesh for a while. Hope you enjoyed!! I think this is my first request ever tihi
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myjelllybean · 4 months ago
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Unexpected encounter
This is an Eddie Diaz fanfiction I have written and I am actually quite proud of it.
I planned to do a part 2 to this bc it ends on a cliffhanger but haven't had any idea what to write in the second part so if anyone has an idea feel free to send it in.
I hope everyone who reads this enjoys it. If anyone has feedbak, I am open for it. <3
(Past domestic violence is mentioned (but only in a short part) so if anyone isn't comfortable with that please don't read it <3)
Summary: After (Y/N) leaves her husband and moves in with her twin brother, Buck, he takes her and her daughter to the fire station where he works, and there she meets someone from her past.
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Just a knock on the door. It couldn’t be that hard, (Y/N) thought to herself as she stood in front of a wooden door.
Her daughter impatiently tugged on her sleeve. "Mommy. I knock? “
“Of course you can knock, sweety. “, (Y/N) said with a reassuring smile on her face. She knew she wouldn’t be able to knock on that door, so she could as well just let her daughter do it.
The 3-year-old girl gently knocked on the door with her hand in a tiny fist.
Slowly the door opened and on the other side stood a man with curly, blonde hair and a birthmark right above his eye.
“(Y/N)? Riley? Heyyy! What are you doing here? Is everything ok?”
“Uncle Evan!“ Riley hugged Evan’s leg, where her arms barely fit around. The young man scooped Riley up in one swift motion and pressed a sloppy kiss on the girl’s cheek.
“Can we stay here? Just for a few days?” (Y/N) pulled the collar of her thin pullover as much over her neck as possible. When her brother moved to embrace her, he couldn’t help but notice her flinch at the gentle touch.
“Course you can. You don’t have to ask.” He gave her a tender kiss on the birthmark over her eye, which was identical to his own one.
“Thanks.” Evan looked at her with a worried expression.
“It is late. Riley should probably go to sleep”, (Y/N) said, nodding at her daughter’s direction who already started to doze off in her uncle’s arms.
“I’ll bring her to the guest’s room.” Evan always had a small guest room prepared for the case his twin sister and his niece would come over, which he knew they eventually would, as soon as he had seen (Y/N)’s boyfriend.
(Y/N) settled on a chair in the kitchen. It was the first time she was in Evan’s new apartment and she had to admit she liked it. It was cleaner than she thought it would be. Most of the furniture was grey, some of it white. She only had to wait 5 minutes until her brother came back.
“Is she asleep?” (Y/N) whispered even though she wasn’t sure why.
“Yeah, she was pretty exhausted and didn’t even want me to read her a story.”
He heard his sister making an acknowledging sound. “So, now tell me why you are here.”
“Nothing. Really. I just wanted to see how my little brother is doing.” She tried to force a smile on her face but she could tell of Evan’s gaze that he didn’t believe her.
“First of all. I am only 3 minutes younger than you are, and second, I will give you another chance to tell me the truth. You haven’t visited me in 2 years, (Y/N). You didn’t write me a single message. It was always me. So, I just can’t believe you, when you say everything is fine.”
“I am so sor-“
“No. Wait. I didn’t want you to feel guilty. Don’t apologize. Just… please tell me what happened.” (Y/N) could still see the concerned expression all over Evan’s face and she felt her heart and breathing rate increase.
“Ben… He… he… God, I still can’t believe it.”
“What can’t you believe?” Evan lay a comforting hand on her shoulder while he tilted her chin up so she could look at him.”
“He held me… He pressed me to the wall. Riley had to watch it. Ben just held me tightly. He said that was some kind of punishment.” (Y/N) felt a tear rolling over her cheek, all the way down her chin, her neck until it disappeared under her collar.
“Punishment? For what?” (Y/N) could see Evan clenching his left hand into a tight fist.
“Because I didn’t make dinner in time.” She let out a hysterical laughter. “He hit me… more than once.” Evan sucked in a deep breath while staring at the ceiling as if searching for some kind of answer what he should say next.
“Where?” (Y/N) looked confused. What does her brother want to know? Where her boyfriend was? Because she definitely wouldn’t tell him as she was sure it would make Evan immediately drive to Ben’s house to beat the hell out of him until he was barely alive anymore. She definitely wasn’t going to let her brother do it.
Evan seemed to sense her apprehension. “Where did he hit you? Are the injuries bad? Can I have a look?”
(Y/N) shrugged with her shoulders. If it made her brother calm down a bit and stop worrying about her, why not?
“He hit me in my abdomen and chest.” She looked up at the ceiling, just like Evan did a few seconds before, in an attempt to stop the tears which still wet her cheeks.
Slowly, Evan pulled (Y/N) pullover up just to be faced with many, dark blue bruises on his twin’s upper body. He gently palpated it and noticed how she flinched away from his touch.
“Sorry.” He also had a look at her wrists where Ben had to pin her on the wall as he could see some swelling.
“I will take you to hospital tomorrow.” Evan looked at her with a stern look.
“No! I can’t! I don’t want anyone to see it and I just can’t. He could see if I use my health insurance and no! Evan please!” The tears (Y/N) just managed to hold back just flow over her cheeks again.
“Ok, ok. I understand. And would it be ok if I took you to the station and let someone of our medics take a look at you? Just to be sure there is nothing serious going on?”
After some minutes of considering, (Y/N) agreed, even though she was nervous. She would meet her brother’s colleagues for the first time while looking like that. Having bruises on her whole body, scared, exhausted.
“By the way, why didn’t you go to Maddie? Why did you come here? I am sure Maddie would be the better choice in that case.” Evan curiously looked at his sister, who he couldn’t help but notice looked exhausted and kind of weak. Not like he used to know her. Strong, independent. Ben took a part from her she would have to fight for, to get it back.
“Because she is not my twin. She would tell me I have to face him again to come over it, but right now, I just need someone to listen. Someone to care. Someone to worry. Someone to hold me. And Maddie is great, but right now I need you.” Evan stepped another step forward and hugged (Y/N) as tightly as possible. She felt skinny. Skinnier than the last time. With that in mind he noticed, that also her face wasn’t as round as before. Her cute cheeks in which he always pinched, just to make her annoyed, were gone, so he went to the fridge, with his sister still in his arms, to get her something to eat.
“Thank you, Evan.”
“No problem. And I go by Buck now.”
“I won’t ever call you that”, (Y/N) said while laughing. Evan was glad it was a real laugh. Not a faked, or hysterical one. It was an honest laugh; the same one he has heard for so many years.
___
The next day, (Y/N) changed Riley into a cute dress – Evan didn’t even change her into her pajamas last night, she needs to teach him a lot – and they made their way to the station. Evan invited er to have lunch with the crew before letting someone assess her injuries to make sure she was comfortable around them.
Riley had her stuffed bunny pressed tightly to her chest as the big city was a bit overwhelming to the 3-year-old. (Y/N) knew it would be like that, as she has always lived in a small town with Riley and Ben.
“Mommy? Big truck”, the girl mumbled as she pointed to the red firetruck which was just about to drive around the corner. The sirens weren’t on, as well as the blue lights, which made (Y/N) figure out that they had just come back from a call.
“Yes, Riley. That’s a big firetruck.”
Only 2 minutes later, Riley stood, her hand clutching tightly onto her mom’s, in front of the big fire station.
“We go in?”
(Y/N) nodded. “Let’s go.”
The fire station was a big hall, with an engine, a ladder truck and two ambulances standing in the middle. A man who was maybe 50 years old, came to her.
“Hello! You have to be (Y/N), I am Bobby.”
“Uhm… yes.”
“You can just come with me. Buck is already waiting for you. Afraid, the food is not finished yet, but it’ll soon be. Buck said that little one loves Pasta so I made that. Is that ok with you?”
What Bobby said, made (Y/N)’s tears well up again. He even made her girlie’s favorite food.
“Yes, of course. Thank you.”
“It no problem. I actually was glad that I could make pasta instead of something which needs hours to cook.”
(Y/N) smiled and followed the captain up the stairs to a beautiful, big kitchen, she could only dream of. There also stood a couch in front of a flatscreen, where the news channel was playing on mute.
“Hey sis! You are early. Are you okay?”
“Stop worrying, Evan! I am not going to die. I feel great. Exhausted and tired but physically I am absolutely well.” (Y/N) gently nudged Evan, who barely moved at the touch, and just smiled at his twin sister.
Her brother knelt down to be on the same level as Riley.
“Hey cutie”, he cooed, when he noticed how tightly she clutched onto her bunny and tried to hide her face with it. “You want to come to uncle Evan?” The girl hesitantly let go of her mom’s hand to let Evan scoop her up on his arms, where she nestled her head on his shoulder.
“Come on, I’ll introduce you to the team”, Evan said while a grin spread over his face.
He led his sister to a woman and a man who were sitting on the couch, (Y/N) noticed before, and while the man was on his phone, the woman read a medical book.
“Guys, this is (Y/N), my sister, and my niece Riley. (Y/N), this are Hen and Chimney.” Both firefighters looked up from what they were focusing at, and smiled kindly.
“Hey (Y/N)! It is so nice to finally meet you! Buck talks a lot about you and your daughter.” Hen stood up to hug her (Y/N) tightly.
Why are they so kind? They just met her. Did Evan say something why she was here and that is why they are like that? But on the other hand, Hen looked honestly kind.
“It is nice to meet y’all too. Riley? You want to say hi to Hen and Chimney?”
“Hi.” (Y/N) proudly looked at her daughter, who was normally very shy and didn’t like talking to strangers. Now, she was happy that Riley at least said something as simple as a ‘Hi”.
Evan led (Y/N) further to a young firefighter whose name was Ravi, and he was as nice as the others.
A few seconds later, a woman in a police uniform came in.
“Ah! (Y/N), this is Sergeant Athena Grant. Bobby’s wife. Athena, this is (Y/N).”
“Hi. It is great to finally meet you! Buck told us so much about you. I think I know more about you than about him! And you look very pretty in that dress!”
(Y/N) looked down at her dress, which was pink and was out of thin material so it was perfect for hot summers like this year’s.
“Thank you! And it is so nice to meet you too! Evan talked about you and your husband as if you were his second parents. I really feel like I have already met you!”
“Did he? Well, that’s nice to hear.” Athena had a smile on her face, which made (Y/N) feel reassured. She had been scared, that nobody would like her, but she was surprised how everyone welcomed her, and were like a big family. “So why do you call Buck ‘Evan’? He never lets anyone call him that. Didn’t he mention he goes by Buck?”
“Oh, he did. But I am used to call him Evan so I will just stick to that. A twin should have the right to call him that.”
“Ah yes. That’s understandable. We can talk a bit more later. Now I am going to see how my husband is doing.”
“So that was Athena. I really like her!”
“Yes, she is great.” (Y/N) had never seen her brother as happy as he was now, and she had to say, that she was glad about that. He seems to fit into that station. They accepted him just the way he was, not like their parents did, when they were young.
“I’ll introduce you to Eddie later. He is still checking the equipment.” While he said that another man came into the station. He didn’t seem to be a firefighter, as he was only wearing a shirt and shorts.
“Evan!” (Y/N) looked at her brother, the confusion written all over her face. She thought that Athena said, he didn’t let anyone call him Evan anymore. So why was that guy not calling him Buck?
“Tommy! Hey! How are you?”
“I am excellent! But are you ok, too? You still want to do it?” Evan nodded and seemed to finally realize the confusion on his twin’s face, but didn’t say anything.
___ Only a few minutes later, the 118 and (Y/N), as well as her daughter, who was contently sitting on Evan’s lap while eating her pasta, sat on the dinner table, when a man ran up the stairs.
“Sorry guys. Equipment was empty so I had to fill it up. What’d I miss?”
(Y/N) knew that voice. She knew the person, that this voice belonged to. Slowly she turned her head, hoping she was wrong. But she immediately gave up hope when she looked into the firefighter’s friendly face. (Y/N) could see his smile disappear when he saw her.
“(Y/N)?” She cleared her throat.
“Eddie. Nice to see you.”
“Umm. Yes. Great.” Why did he show her the cold shoulder? She wasn’t the one who had left. She didn’t come here just to see him. And since when was he even here in LA?  
“You guys know each other?”, Bobby asked when he saw them exchanging confused looks.
“Yes. We met some years ago”, (Y/N) said with a faked smile on her face. She watched as Eddie sat down at the other end of the table, even though there was a better place, opposite to her. Idiot, (Y/N) thought to herself.
Just then Eddie seemed to notice Riley, who was still sitting on Evan’s lap, not knowing what was going on. She could see the panic in Eddie’s eyes when he looked at her so she tried to avoid his gaze.
“Your daughter?”
“Mhm.”
“How old is she?”
“Three and a half.”
(Y/N) could see the other’s confused gazes, as they wondered why Eddie wasn’t asking what the girl’s name was. He immediately asked how old she was.
“What’s your name, sweety?”, Eddie asked the little one.
After looking at her mom, silently asking for permission, she whispered a silent “Riley”.
“Hey Riley. I am Eddie. (Y/N). We need to talk. Now!” (Y/N) slowly stood up from where she was sitting, following Eddie downstairs, after excusing herself, leaving the other 118 members confused.
“Am I right, when I am assuming she is my daughter?”
(Y/N) nodded.
“Why the fuck didn’t you say anything?! I wouldn’t have left if you told me!”
“Right! You wouldn’t have left me for our daughter. How do you imagine that? Us being happy again, just because we have a baby? Eddie. That’s not how it works.”
“But maybe I would have tried more!”
“So, you say your daughter would have been worth fighting for but I wasn’t? That just shows me it was right to not tell you about her. I would like to go back to the team now. I was invited for lunch by my brother, so I don’t want to miss that.”
Eddie grabbed (Y/N)’s wrist to stop her from going away.
“Ouch! Damn Eddie! What the fuck are you doing?!” Her wrists still hurt from Ben holding them to tight during their fight. She could immediately feel her heart beating faster, her breathing becoming shallow and fast. She knew the signs of an incoming panic attack.
Her eyes were beginning to well up as she was back in that moment. She didn’t see Eddie anymore. She could only think of how Ben was pinning her to the wall, not letting her go.
Eddie seemed to notice the signs too. He immediately let go of her arm.
“I am sorry (Y/N).” He worried as he didn’t receive an answer. “Hey! (Y/N)? Can you hear me? Fuck!”
All Eddie could see was the panic in (Y/N)’s eyes. The tears. How shallow and fast her breathing was.
“Hey?! I need help down here!”
Almost immediately Buck, Hen and Bobby ran down the stairs.
“Hen! Grab the medkit.”
“Fuck! Eddie, what have you done?”, was all Buck said before grabbing his sister by her shoulders and gently shaking her.
“I did nothing! We just talked and then she wanted to go and I grabbed her – gently - so she can’t just run away and she let out a pained cry and then she went straight into a panic attack!”
“Shit! Where did you grab her?” Evan looked at Eddie with a furious but concerned face.
“Just her wrist!” Eddie looked confused and a bit panicked, as he had never seen (Y/N) having a panic attack.
“Damn!” Evan still tried to make (Y/N) talk to him but it didn’t seem to work, so he led his sister to a bench nearby. In the meanwhile, Hen came back with the medkit. Eddie immediately pulled out a pulse-oximeter which he put on (Y/N)’s index finger.
Next, he took the bp cuff while Hen looked at the numbers on the pulse-oximeter, which were blinking, while the device was beeping loudly.
“Pulse is at 126, stats are at 93%.”
“Let’s get her some oxygen”, Eddie said, so Hen immediately went to get the oxygen tank. “Hey (Y/N). Listen to me. I didn’t want to get mad. I just was surprised. Can you try to breathe slowly? For me? Please try it.” Eddie took some deep breaths to show (Y/N) how to do it. What had he just done to make her that anxious that she went straight onto a panic attack?
Slowly, (Y/N)’s breathing started to get better.
“Buck? Do you know what was going on? What happened?”
“She had a bad fight with her boyfriend or ex-boyfriend. I am not so sure about that. He hit her and grabbed her. Pinned her to the wall. I think you grabbing her wrist brought the memories back and made it feel too real. I brought her here today, so you guys could have a look at her injuries as she didn’t want to go to hospital. I didn’t think she would have a panic attack! I wanted her to have a good day!” Evan still looked worried at (Y/N).
“Buck. It is not your fault. I made her panic. I was mad at her.” His best friend doesn’t just look worried anymore, now he also looked confused.
“What was even going on that you were mad? You never said that you knew my sister!”
“Why should I know that my (Y/N) is your (Y/N)? And I think she should tell you what was going on. That is not about me. I mean it is. But I shouldn’t tell you.” Eddie furrowed his brow.
(Y/N), who was still breathing into the oxygen mask, shot Eddie a thankful gaze. Her panic started to slowly ebb away, but she still felt dizzy and could feel her heart racing. Eddie carefully lifted her hand up to look at the pulse-oximeter once more, the numbers on it were stabilizing which made him let out a deep, relieved breath.
“(Y/N)? May I have a look at the injuries Buck mentioned?”, the man asked with a soft voice. (Y/N) nodded after looking at her brother just to get a reassuring gaze.
Eddie lifted her pullover up a bit, what was followed by a hissing sound he let out, as he saw the purple bruises all over her upper body. He gently pressed on different places, apologizing as (Y/N) let out a silent whimper.
“I don’t see any concerning injuries. They are going to hurt for a few days, but then you will be ok. Buck said that was you ex?” He took a deep breath as he saw (Y/N) nodding.
“Yes, but I really don’t want to talk about that now. Can I maybe finish my food and then go home?”
“Yes, of course”, Evan said, before leading (Y/N) upstairs, closely followed by Eddie, Hen and Bobby.
Riley still sat on the dinner table, now on Tommy’s lap, instead of Buck’s. She was babbling something, only she could understand, a serious look on her face.
Tommy was smiling and nodding, and (Y/N) noticed the way her brother looked at the man. Were they friends? Evan never mentioned Tommy, so they couldn’t be friends since long.
“Mommy! Pasta yummy! Tommy great!” The little girl smiled happily at her mom.
“I gave her a chocolate pudding. I hope that’s ok?”
“Yes. She loves chocolate.” (Y/N)’s voice sounded a little hoarse and her throat felt tight and sore. The young mom looked at Eddie and immediately sees his heartwarming gaze. “Riley? Do you want to go to Eddie for a moment? I am sure he wants to show you the firetruck.”
“Big car?”
“Yes, the big car. Do you want to see it?” The three-year-old grinned and toddled over to Eddie, who she doesn’t know yet, is her dad. He thankfully looked at (Y/N) before he scooped the toddler up and went downstairs with her.
“Ok, sis. You really need to tell me what’s going on between you and Eddie!” Evan looked at his twin, desperate for information.
“We had a thing. A bit over four years ago.”
“Four years? Is Riley…?”
“Yep. She is his daughter if you wanted to know that.”
“Oh. Wow. My sister and my best friend have a kid. You know Eddie has a son, right?”
“I do. I have often seen Chris when Eddie and I were dating. He is such a sweetheart. He actually didn’t want to leave when Eddie left.” (Y/N) felt the tears welling up in her eyes again. She always loved Chris. She thought of him as if he was her own son. In the two years in which she was dating Eddie, she often spent time with Chris. They visited the zoo or the aquarium. She would have done everything for the little boy, who she thought had to had grown since she has seen him the last time. What age is he now? 13?
“Yes, he is someone special. He is a happy person. Has grown up in the last few years. He had his first dates just a few weeks ago.” Evan knew that (Y/N) needed to know that. She had to know that this little guy is now a young man.
“Dates? Plural?” (Y/N) raised an eyebrow, which made Evan laugh.
“Yes. Dates. Eddie asked me to talk to him about that, which I did.”
“Eddie asked you to talk to his son about dating?” She laughed. Evan wasn’t a good person to ask for dating advice. She did once, but the only ‘advice’ she had gotten was, she should just wear shorts and a short top and her crush would immediately notice her. Since that day, (Y/N) has never asked her twin for dating advice again.
“Yes, he did. And Chris had some problems. Said, that everyone would leave anyway. His mom, Carla, Ana, maybe even you. It was hard for him to see that. But I think he understands it now. I mean why they have left.” His sister looked confused.
“Shannon left? And who the fuck are Carla and Ana.” Buck could tell that his sister was a bit jealous.  She wondered who Carla and Ana were. Were they girlfriends of Eddie?
“Shannon didn’t exactly leave. I mean she did, but Chris didn’t know at first. She died shortly after she had told Eddie, that she would leave. And Carla takes care of Chris when Eddie’s at work. She worked for my ex and when Eddie came with Chris, he didn’t exactly know what to do so I introduced him to her. And Ana is Eddie’s ex. They broke up after Eddie had a panic attack and realized he didn’t really love her.” Evan laughed at his twin’s face. She looked absolutely overwhelmed by information.
“Wait. Shannon died? I met her a few times; this is so sad. She was a nice person. She was always friendly. We even were shopping once. And Carla isn’t Eddie’s girlfriend or ex? And Eddie had a panic attack? That is so confusing.” (Y/N) furrowed her brow.
“Yes. She died a few years ago. It was an accident. He even was on the scene. And nope. Carla wasn’t and still isn’t Eddie’s girlfriend.” Evan looked at his sister. “You still love him.” It wasn’t a question. He knew it. He could tell by the way (Y/N) looked at Eddie. How she wanted to know if Eddie was free.
But (Y/N) knew she didn’t want to still be in love with Eddie. He left once. What if he would leave again. Right now, she couldn’t even take her eyes off him, showing Riley the firetruck, because she was scared if he could do anything wrong. She didn’t trust him anymore. Not like she used to.
“I don’t want to talk about me anymore. Let’s talk about you. Who is Tommy? You have never mentioned him before.” (Y/N) looked at Evan as he seemed to be really interested in the ceiling, he was staring at.
“Um. I am honestly not really sure.” He cleared his throat, desperately searching for his next words. “We… I like him. So, we were on a date. I asked him to be my date at Maddie’s wedding, after things didn’t go well at the date and I have talked to Maddie and Eddie and they gave me some good advice. Not like I used to.” Evan chuckled, as well as his sister.
“I am happy for you.” (Y/N) smiled at him.
“You are not surprised?” She laughed at Evan’s confused gaze.
“That you are into boys? Nah. Are you surprised?” Now the confusion was written over both their faces
 “Of course I am.”
“I could have told you were into boys as soon as you had that crush on Liam in Highschool.” (Y/N) laughed.
“I didn’t have a crush on Liam!”
“What was it then? You having a platonically crush on him?”
“I had a crush on his sister!” Evan looked absolutely panicked.
“Definitely not. You barely talked about Cameron. Much more about Liam.”
“Oh my god. I had a crush on Liam.” The realization was all written over his face.
“Now go and spend some time with you boyfriend.” (Y/N) nodded in Tommy’s direction.
“He is not officially my boyfriend yet.”
“Then go change that.” (Y/N) hugged Evan tightly. “I am going to go soon. Riley has to take a nap and then I will go have a look at LA’s bustling city life. But first I need to have a short talk to Tommy. Go say bye to your niece. In the meanwhile.” Evan looked a bit unsure of what to do but then ran down the stairs to Eddie and Riley.
“Hey” So you have to be Tommy.” The man looked at (Y/N) with a curious look on his face.
“Yes?”
“Don’t hurt my brother. He hasn’t had an easy life and it looks like he just realized he is into boys – idiot – so just treat him right. He deserves the world with everything he had been through. It may be that he’ll need some time to adjust to everything but he’ll understand everything soon.”
“Don’t worry. I know he is great.”
“Good. See you soon!” (Y/N) smiled at Tommy, who stood up to gently hug her.
“Bye everyone! It was nice to see y’all but I really need to go now.”
Everyone said goodbye and hugged (Y/N).
Maybe she worried without any reason. Everyone accepted her. Everyone liked her. She could have never imagined that. Not in the last 2 years with Ben. She wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without him. When they were with friends, he didn’t want her to talk to others, not even her closest friends.
Slowly, (Y/N) walked down the stairs where she found Eddie and Riley laughing. Her daughter sat on the driver’s side of the truck and giggled happily as she pretended to drive.
“Riley. We need to go home now, ok?”
“Mommy. It is funny. Don’t want to go.” The three-year-old looked like she was on the verge to cry.
“We can come back another time, but you really need to make your nap and then we want to go to the mall shopping. Mommy needs new clothes, as well as you do.” (Y/N) came to her brother with only one suitcase and most of the contents was Riley’s stuff.
“Shopping?” Riley’s eyes lit up at the thought of going to the mall with her mom. She loves to try on the pretty clothes.
“Yes, sweety.” Eddie helped Riley out of the firetruck.
“It was nice to see you again. Maybe we can go have dinner next week? I really want to see Riley and spend some time with her, but I would understand if you want to talk to me before”, Eddie said, which (Y/N) appreciated as it was true. She first wanted to set some boundaries before letting Eddie spend time with her daughter.
“Invite us over for Paella and I’ll think about it.” (Y/N) grinned, which showed Eddie she was just joking.
“Us? You want to bring Riley with you? Are you ok with that?”
“I am sure Chris wants to meet his little sister.”
“Tuesday, 6 pm. Ok?” (Y/N) nodded.
“See you there. I’ll ask Evan for your address.” She scooped Riley up and stepped in the warm LA air. (Y/N) smiled. She forgot the last time, where she had been happy like today.
The day didn’t go like planned, but it was great either way. She hasn’t seen Eddie in 4 years, and even though she doesn’t know hoe to feel about it just yet, she was happy to have the chance to spend time with him. Riley could finally get to know her dad.
(Y/N) took a deep breath. She could smell the ocean and sunscreen. She absolutely loved it.
“Let’s go home, Riley.”
---
(Y/N) has been standing in front of the closet for 2 hours.
“But are you sure? I feel like I look a bit too slutty.” She looked down at her black shorts and the baby blue top she wore, to black high heels.
“You look beautiful, (Y/N). And you can let Eddie see what he has missed in the last years.” (Y/N) shot her sister an annoyed look.
“Maddie! I feel like you don’t take my problem serious!” Maddie laughed.
“That’s because I don’t. You looked amazing in every single outfit you have tried on today!”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.” Maddie took one step closer to give her sister a hug. “Eddie has already seen you in joggers, when you two were a couple. He won’t care what you wear. Boys don’t care as much about outfits as we do. Just trust your gut.”
“Thank you, Maddie.”
“It was no problem.”
---
“Hey (Y/N)! Riley! Come in. The paella is nearly finished. I hope you are hungry?”
“We definitely are, aren’t we, Riley?” (Y/N) gently nudged her daughter’s arm.
“Hungry!” Eddie chuckled. He suddenly felt absolutely overwhelmed by emotions. The young girl had the same small birthmark under her eye, that he has. She scrunched her nose the same way he did. She was half him. Yes, he had a son. He loved Chris. But he also loved Riley. She was suddenly there. He didn’t see that coming.
Dinner went absolutely well. They had great conversations, and both Chris and (Y/N) were happy to meet again after so long.
“How is school, Chris?” The boy scrunched his face at the mention of that hated place.
“I have good grades, but I still don’t like going there. I have many friends there. Denny is in my course since this year, so it makes at least a little bit more fun.”
“Who is Denny?”, (Y/N) asked, as she didn’t think that anyone has mentioned this name before.
“Hen’s son”, Eddie explained.
“Ah. Ok. I am so, so happy for you!”
“Chris, buddy? Do you want to go watch tv with Riley? You could watch a cartoon?”, Eddie asked as he noticed Riley’s eyes growing heavier so she was barely awake.
“Why not.” The 13-year-old made his way to the living room with Riley following close behind.
(Y/N) was the first one to speak. “You can spend time with Riley if you want to. At the beginning, not too much. Maybe you go to the park or the zoo and then bring her back home to me. When you spent time with her more often and she likes it, you can have her for a whole day and if that works out, she could stay overnight at some point. But I want to meet up with you too. She is our daughter so we should show her that we are her parents. I don’t want her to think we hate each other. And I want our meet ups to be a date. I want to go on a date with you. I still love you. I have never stopped loving you. When I was with Ben, I often thought about how my love would be if I had reached out to you. If I hadn’t let you go. I want a date. And I want to know why you left me.”
Eddie looked a bit overwhelmed and confused, but he nodded.
“Ok. We can to that. I like you to. I love you. And I left because Shannon did. She left Chris with me and I didn’t know how to manage a girlfriend and a son. I first had to figure out what having a kid was like. I wanted to marry you before Shannon left. I already had bought an engagement ring. I loved you. Love you. But I wasn’t sure what to do. I am really sorry. I didn’t really want to leave you but I felt like I had to.”
“You wanted to marry me?”
“I did.” Eddie nodded, and (Y/N) could see all the regret in his eyes.
“We go on a date. And if you still love me - and I still love you – propose to me.”
Eddie grinned.
“That works for me.”
(Y/N) stood up from where she was sitting, went to Eddie who was leaning on the kitchen counter, stood on her toes to be high enough to kiss him. It was some kind of promise. She loves Eddie. She would do everything to make it work this time. She would die for him.
With a heavy heart, (Y/N) pulled away from Eddie.
“I need to go now. But I still have your number. I’ll call you.”
(Y/N) went to the living room, scooped Riley up from where she sat on the couch and went out of Eddie’s house.
She didn’t know why, but something didn’t feel right. It was already dark outside. Anxiously, (Y/N) looked around. Nothing is wrong. She is just overthinking too much.
“Hey babe. You really thought you could leave me?”
120 notes · View notes
sunrise-imagines · 1 year ago
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I love your finn x reader farm world stories you've been writing. They are so good I can't stop reading them, I don't know how to ask this, And I don't know if you're still taking requests but can you write Farm World finn x reader Where the reader is from Ooo, but she looks exactly like farmworld finn' s wife And how would he react. I'm sorry if that's messed up, I like pain.
Ohhhh boy this one will be heartbreaking. Thanks for requesting! Reader uses she/her pronouns in this one
This is an AU in which Reader’s farmworld self replaces Huntress Wizard, love you HW
TW: Angst, mention of illness, mentions of death, hurt and a little comfort,
Farmworld Finn x Reader who’s his wife’s counterpart
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• You had agreed to go with Fionna, Cake and Simon to find another crown and make their world magical again.
• After a close run-in with the scarab, you find yourselves in a post apocalyptic city.
• People all around you were giving you surpised looks, which only made you even more uncomfortable in this already hostile environment.
•When Jay first sees you all in the city, he can’t believe his eyes. He’s had this happen before, sometimes seeing someone with a similar hair color to his mother, only to have to remind himself that she’s gone.
•But when you turn around and he sees your face, there’s no mistaking it. It’s you. He doesn’t know how or why, but you’re here again! Tears flow down his cheeks as he struggles to keep quiet and out of sight.
•Once the Destiny gang are gone, Jay looks at you in awe before hurling himself into your arms and hugging you so hard you almost fall over.
• The three of you have to try and explain to him that, although you look like his mother, you’re not actually her, and slowly his smile starts to fade as the realization sets in.
•He agrees to take you to his dad, but is really worried about he will react.
• The five of you make your way to the small farm, where Finn is busying himself chopping logs. He wipes his brow, turning around to scold Jay for staying in the city so long. But then he sees you.
• No. This isn’t real. This is just another one of his dreams. That’s what this is. It’s just a dream. None of this is real. Any moment now he’s going to wake up, shaking in a cold sweat like he has every night for the last 3 years.
• But then you reach out and touch his arm, and he feels the warmth of your hand on his skin. You’re real. You smile awkwardly, a little unsure of what to say, “It’s Finn, right? It’s nice to meet you.”
• For the first time in years, he sheds a tear, and you instinctively you bring your hand to his cheek and wipe it away with your thumb. He brings his hand up to hold yours, feeling your soft hands against his calloused ones.
• “Who are you?” He asks, his voice shaking as if you might dissapear at any moment.
• “This is going to sound crazy, but I’m from another universe, and my friends and I need your help.”
• You try to explain yourselves to him, the fact that there are multiple universes, that you came to save Fionna and Cake’s, and that there is even an alternate version of himself. You decide to gloss over bringing up your own counterpart, having pieced together from Jay’s sadness that her fate was likely an unpleasant subject.
• He brings you all inside, and instantly the kids are all over you, crying and none of you have the heart to tell them the truth, so you play along. None of them care if it didn’t make sense, they were just happy to have their mom back.
• After a tense dinner and discussion about the crown, all of you are made to sleep in the hayloft. But after Fionna and the others have fallen asleep, you sneak out back to the house.
• You find Finn sitting in front of the fireplace, watching the flames as Jake lays next to him. You hesitate, debating just leaving and going to sleep, but his voice breaks the silence first.
• “I know you’re there, leave me be.” He mutters, not looking away from the flickering light. But you don’t leave, instead taking a seat next to him. Jake pads up to you and sits in your lap.
• You stay like that for awhile, the tension so thick you could cut through it, but after a little while you steel yourself and in a soft voice finally ask the question that’s been eating at your mind, “What was she like?”
• He sighs, a deep and tired breath that he’s clearly been holding in for far too long.
• Finn tells you everything, how the two of them met not long after the crown was destroyed, how she was the only one who accepting him despite his past as the Snowman. How the two fell in love, her kindness slowly melting the icy walls around his heart. How they built this house together, and not long after moving in their first son was born. How eventually their tiny family kept growing, only getting happier with each new addition. How a couple years after Bonnie was born, she started to developed a cough, and at the time she brushed it off as nothing a little rest couldn’t fix. But she kept getting worse, eventually becoming bedridden and barely able to move. How the doctors pulled him aside and told him that her prognosis wasn’t good, and while he tried to hide it from her, she already knew her time was coming. How the kids would bring her flowers and help feed her, and how she kept smiling and laughing no matter how bad the pain got. Then one day, she took his hand in hers, telling him how much she loved him and their family, and how grateful she was to have been able to be with him, if only for a little while. And then she was gone, and his world changed forever.
• After he’s done, you’re left speechless. There’s nothing you can do or say to take away the pain he’s feeling, and your presence is no doubt exacerbating it. You feel tears well up and you try to think of what you can do.
• In the end, you just put your head on his shoulder, speaking so quietly it’s almost a whisper, “I’m sorry I’m not her.”
650 notes · View notes
beanandberry · 4 months ago
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Bunnydoll Headcanons - Jax and Ragatha as parents
Because I want to, and because I want an excuse to write some sugary sweet ideas. 🩵
[Note: this is obviously made up by me and in no way canon, but I wanted to have some fun and you don’t have to agree 🩵]
Both are shocked when Ragatha finds out she’s pregnant. Obviously they didn’t think it was possible, so it takes them a while to come to terms with it. Even Caine has no idea how it happened.
Jax is in major denial at first. He truly doesn’t believe it’s happening until Ragatha starts showing, around three months in. Then it’s like some sort of switch in him flips. He becomes ten times more possessive and protective of her, to the point where he doesn’t want her to leave their room for fear of something happening to her and their babies (yes there are three of them, but they don’t know it yet).
Ragatha argues with Jax constantly about what she can do. He wants her to stay in their room and rest, she wants to be able to move around and do things normally.
Jax almost gets into a fist fight with Caine (aka he tries to beat him up) unless Caine promises to let Ragatha skip their daily adventures. They settle on only having her get involved in the easier ones, or ones that require the least danger or effort.
Ragatha sews lots of little outfits, hats, and mittens in preparation.
Jax literally turns their room into a little burrow. He goes into bunny mode and starts nesting, making the space as warm and comfortable as possible. When Ragatha points this out to him, he tries to deny it to no avail. Ragatha thinks it’s the cutest thing he’s ever done.
Ragatha can’t go anywhere without Jax being an arm’s reach away. This is especially irritating to Zooble, Pomni and Gangle when they want to spend time with Ragatha alone. Ragatha then has to have a talk with Jax about personal space and remind him that she’ll be fine if he’s not around her 24/7.
Jax holds her so tightly while they sleep, Ragatha can barely move, but she still adores it. He later admits to her that he has trouble sleeping because he’s plagued with thoughts of something happening to her or their babies. He finally admits to her that for once, he feels like he’s done something he can be proud of and he doesn’t want to screw it up or have anything threaten that. She does her best to calm him down with soothing words and plenty of kisses.
When the babies are finally born, there are three of them. Both Ragatha and Jax are in shock. Jax is terrified (now they’re outnumbered) and Ragatha is ecstatic (more to love).
They have one boy (purple) and two girls (copper red). Just born they are more rabbit like, and as they grow they adapt more of Ragatha’s human/doll features as well.
Jax is nervous at first and hesitant to hold them. But once he does, it’s all over for him. They have him wrapped around their tiny fingers and they’re not even a day old yet.
After their babies are born, Ragatha can’t help but notice that the way Jax looks at her has changed slightly. He constantly stares at her like she’s the most amazing person in the world.
Any time anyone else holds one of their babies Jax hovers and is practically breathing down their neck the entire time. Ragatha has to calm him down and remind him that it’s OK if someone else holds the babies and nothing will happen to them.
Gangle and Pomni can’t get enough of the babies. They’re constantly offering to hold them or babysit so Ragatha and Jax can have a break. (Jax tries to refuse them but Ragatha talks him down, again.) Zooble promises that they’ll be more involved when the babies are a bit older, since newborns aren’t really their thing.
Caine surprisingly gives Ragatha and Jax a nice break from the adventures so they can tend to their babies.
Anytime Bubble comes within ten feet of them, Jax pops him.
After Ragatha, their three babies are the only ones who cause Jax to become soft, and he’s okay with that.
🩵
Thanks for reading my silliness! I had fun coming up with these.
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f0point5 · 8 months ago
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(I’m) charming and endearing, and (un)comfortable
Written companion piece to the Lando x fakegirlfriend!reader social media au
Set after Part 6, at the dinner with Lando’s dad that is mentioned.
A/N: So, those of you who were here for the Max fix know that I do long form writing exercises to get more of a feel for the characters for the smau. I didn’t share the Max ones while the fic was ongoing because my writing is not my favourite, but I do like providing more of an insight into the real life stuff that isn’t covered in the smau and especially the reader’s thoughts. And I like this is kind of needed for this smau especially. So, I’m not going to tag anyone in these so that if you’d rather just read the smau you don’t get caught up with these, but you can read them if you want more of an insight into the reader’s character. If you hate it…just pretend it never happened 🫠🫣
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“You look fine,” you tell your reflection, staring at it right in the eyes.
Your gaze flits down to your simple black satin slip dress. Black Amina Muadi heels peek out from the hem. Single, but elegant, you think.
You look fine.
“You look fine.” You tell your reflection one more time, and she looks like she believes you.
Of course you look fine. You wouldn’t have a career if you didn’t. People have paid obscene amounts of money for your face and your body. You know exactly how much Lando Norris has paid. You put together something that accentuates your shape a bit but not so much that his dad would think you’re trying.
You haven’t met a parent in a while. Once you’d started shooting womenswear at 15, parents were rarely around, though occasionally you would run into an overbearing mother. You can’t remember ever meeting anyone’s father.
Your alarm rings, so it’s too late to change now. Steeling yourself with one last deep breath, you go over to the interconnecting door and knock.
On the other side of the door, something bangs, and then someone grunts, and you’re about to just give up on this whole idea before the door wings open to reveal a panting Lando Norris.
He’s dressed in beige chinos and a black polo shirt, showing off a golden tan. Okay, you’d let Twitter win this one; he’s beautiful.
“I thought you were going to-“ he starts, but then stops himself. You suppose he assumed you’d knock on the external door. “Never mind,”
“So,” you gesture to the space between you.
“Oh, yeah, come in,” he says, stepping aside to let you into his suite.
It’s huge. You survey the large living room. Several pairs of chinos sit in dry cleaning plastic on the couch. The remains of a fruit platter sits on the dining table. Two sets of golf clubs rest precariously on a wall in the corner. He’s a bit of a slob.
“What?” He asks you. You turn to him, surprised to find his cheeks slightly flushed.
“Nothing,” you shake your head and shrug, but he doesn’t stop studying you. He’s making an effort not to be obvious, but he’s assessing you from head to toe. It makes you squirm. “It’s okay? The look?”
His eyes widen. “The look’s incredible,” he says quickly, probably embarrassed you caught him looking. His cheeks turn even more red. “You’re-“
“Okay, we can go?” You cut him off, smoothing you already sleek up-do. He should turn the damn air conditioning on.
Lando motions for you to go ahead of him to the door and he trails behind you until he hurries past you to get the door. You head to the lift in silence, hair on the back of your neck prickling every time you feel his eyes linger on you.
You look fine. He would have told you if you didn’t.
“Thanks again for doing this,” he says, when you’re in the lift. You glance at him, finding him already looking at you with a shy smile that would have any woman on her knees right there.
You shrug. “It’s not a problem.”
“Probably not your idea of a fun evening,” he continues, and you wonder if he’s trying to convince you to call it off and go back upstairs.
“I was going to eat from the restaurant anyway.” You say, watching as he yawns. “You’re tired?”
“Yeah,” he nods. “Two sessions today. And quali always take a lot out of me, you know,”
You hum in response.
“I, uh,” he stops himself, and then notices you’re looking at him, so he sighs before continuing. “I actually did pretty well. At quali. Better than I thought I would, anyway. It’s…” he trails off, scratching at the back of his neck.
He looks sort of embarrassed to have even mentioned it. You almost give in and tell him you watched the qualifying live while doing your post flight skincare, but you don’t. You’re not sure why exactly, it just feels like you’d be committing to something, and don’t want to do that.
“Congratulations,” is all you end up saying, and then it’s back to silence.
When you get downstairs, three separate groups of girls ask for pictures with him. You stand aside awkwardly, watching the way these strangers lean into him and eagerly put their arms around him and stand so close. It makes your skin crawl. Lando doesn’t react to it. But then, you never do, either.
He apologises for the interruption and you wave it off, embarrassed that he might have noticed your discomfort. It’s not your business.
Inside the restaurant, Lando gently directs you towards a table by the window where his dad is waiting. You’d googled him, so you knew what he liked like, but the photos didn’t do justice to the serenity that rolls off this man in waves.
He stands when he sees you, opening his arms to his son. Lando steps into his embrace with no hesitation, and you wonder if that’s why he’s not bothered so much by the closeness of strangers. Maybe you wouldn’t mind being touched if anyone had ever touched you like that.
When they part, you pull your lips into a smile and step forward.
“Good evening, Mr. Norris. I’m Y/N,”
Adam’s wide smile falters for a second. “Of course I know that,” he says with a chuckle, beckoning you over. You oblige, and he leans in to kiss you on both cheeks. “Who wouldn’t recognise his son’s girlfriend, eh? And please, call me Adam,”
“D’accord.” When both men raise an eyebrow, you explain, “it means okay,”
“Ah,” Adam says with a sage nod, sitting down.
You startle when Lando pulls your chair out for you, flashing him what you hope is a grateful look rather than a confused one.
“I learnt French all through school but I’ve forgotten it all, unfortunately,” Adam says.
“I got the duolingo for it, but it’s harder than you think,” Lando chips in.
“Surely Y/N could teach you,”
“I’m too strict for him,” you joke, forcing yourself not to react when you feel Lando rest his arm on the back of your chair.
“Is that so,” Adam says, catching your eye.
You know the looks he’s giving you. It’s the look a casting director gets when they meet you and you aren’t quite what they asked for. That look they get in their eyes as they decide if you’re a good enough compromise is the same one Adam Norris is giving you now.
He’s the worst kind of casting director - the type that will try to make small talk as if they don’t have your life in numbers printed out in front of them; the type to make you laugh so they can judge the shade and angle of your teeth. Not content with your time, they demand a performance.
So you perform.
You order pasta instead of salad because being thin is most appreciated when it’s effortless. You tease Lando endlessly because the brits like to make fun of each other. You pretend you’re duly nervous when Adam speaks to you and not nervous every time Lando does.
You’re not sure if Adam buys into it. He and Lando have an easy and intoxicating rapport that you’re powerless to replicate. Lando’s admiration of his dad is almost palpable, and Adam’s adoration is plain to see. He loves his son so much that you think it must be clear to him that you don’t.
But he’s clever, and funny, and more gracious than you deserve. He’s so guileless that you understand why Lando would want to shield him from the truth of your situation. You feel a little guilty, being part of the lie, and even more guilty for being part of the truth, but you push that all down, reminding yourself that these people have no more to do with you than a photographer or a designer on a shoot.
By the time dinner comes to an end, you’re exhausted. You can taste blood in your mouth from chewing the inside of your cheek, and you feel sick from the Chardonnay that Adam ordered that you had to pretend to like on an empty stomach.
The knot in your chest loosens with every step the three of you take towards the lifts. Lando and Adam joke about what they’re going to eat for dinner after the race and you almost burst into tears at the thought of doing this all again tomorrow.
“I’m so glad I finally got to meet you,” Adam says with what you’ve come to believe is a trademark wide smile. “Honestly I was starting to think he’d made it up, getting the most beautiful girl in the world to go out with him,”
Ha. Most beautiful. Maybe when you were six, all lithe and pouty and innocent. Maybe when you were seventeen, no curves or dark circles or opinions. Not now.
He’s teasing you, not laughing at you, but your body can’t tell the difference.
You think you feel the bile rising up your throat but thankfully Lando cuts in before you have to.
“Dad,” he chides through clenched teeth and a pained smile. When you turn to him the blush that has become quite familiar to you is back with a vengeance, and spreading all the way to his ears.
“What? It’s not bad to say your girlfriend is beautiful,” Adam teases, turning to you. “Is it, Y/N?”
“I would be worried if he didn’t. It’s how I stay employed, after all,” you say with a smile. Your response is effortless, well rehearsed, right down to the way you lift your hand to ghost over your collarbone.
“Must be a glamorous life, being a model,” Adam says thoughtfully. You may not have any experience meeting parents, but you know well enough what he’s getting at.
You lift one shoulder in a shrug. “No more glamorous than being a formula one driver. And I’m sure you know from Lando that glamour doesn’t mean comfort. Very often the opposite, if my shoes are any indication,”
He’s taken aback by your answer, doesn’t even bother to hide his raised eyebrows. “No, that’s-“ he lets out a sigh. “That’s very true. You’ve got a wise one here, mate,”
“Yeah, she’s keeping me out of trouble,” Lando jokes, nudging you, and though it doesn’t hurt you feel a sting where his skin touched yours.
“I don’t doubt it,” Adam says, opening his arms to hug you again. “Go easy on him though, eh?” These words are half whispered as he pulls you close, squeezing you just once before he lets you go.
“I will,” you promise. It’s one you’ll try to keep.
He hugs Lando next, a tight one, cradling the back of his son’s head with a gentle tap.
“Well,” he says to both of you, “it’s been lovely to meet you, Y/N. I’m just going to check the front desk has organised my taxi to the airport on Monday, so I’ll see you both tomorrow,”
“Night, Dad,”
“Love you.”
Adam heads off to the desk just as the lift arrives and you dart into it. You’re too tired to even press the button for your floor but Lando takes care of it.
He lets out a heavy breath, looking over at you as though thinking you might do the same. He doesn’t realise your night isn’t over until he’s gone, too.
“I think that went well,” he says. It’s a confident statement said in an uncertain tone, and you can’t help but feel bad. It’s not as though he was the one who had to make a good impression.
“I’m sorry if I’m not-“ you stop yourself. It’s not your fault. “If he didn’t like me. I hope it won’t cause problems for you,”
Lando looks completely nonplussed by your comment. “Of course he liked you,” he says with reassuring scoff and a smile, as if anything else is unimaginable. “And he’s not really that kind of dad. He just cares that I like you,”
God, that smile. You’d hate yourself for the things you’d do to keep him smiling at you like that.
“I think you faked that well,” you say, smiling back at him.
He shrugs and shoves his hands in his pockets. “Thanks for doing this,” he clears his throat. “Still don’t know why you did,”
He’s expecting an answer and you struggle for something to tell him. You don’t know what answer he’s looking for.
You can feel the pressure building as he waits for you to say something. You can hear the blood rushing in your ears. Your skin bursts into flames and your palms get clammy.
Why is he even asking? He didn’t think twice about asking you for a favour and now he’s changing the rules. It was dinner, not a kidney. Does he have so many vampires around him that he thinks you need a reason to be nice? Is he so used to paying for kindness that he thinks he needs to buy you, too? Didn’t he already try?
Thankfully, mercifully, the lift stops at your floor and you waste no time stepping out even though you’re beginning to feel unsteady on your feet.
The air conditioning hits you, and you realise you don’t owe Lando an explanation.
“You can just say thank you, you know,” you tell him, striding towards your rooms with him half a step behind. “You don’t have to think so much about it.”
“I did say thank you,” he argues. You glance at him as you pull out your keycard. He’s bewildered. You’re breaking your promise to Adam already, but it’s his sanity or yours.
“De rien.” You place your key card against the censor and open the door. “Goodnight.”
Once you slip inside, the door clicks shut with no trouble, and you wait to hear Lando’s door open and shut before you make your way further into the room. You kick off your shoes and shed your dress on the way to your suitcase.
You can hear him moving around in his suite, more attuned to it now you know the layout of the room. As you rummage around for your sweatpants and hoodie, half of you wants to send an apology text. The stupid half of you. It doesn’t matter what he thinks of you. You can’t afford for it to matter. The weight of his judgement will crush you, you know it.
As you pull on the brown Quadrant hoodie, you tell yourself it’s better he doesn’t think of you at all.
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willows-writings · 1 month ago
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Bakusquad and their secrets
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a/n: Mina’s part kinda of implies female reader so you can take it as that or just take it as Mina including her partner!
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Small note: I write all Bakusquad posts with poly!Bakusquad in mind however you of course do not have to read it like that!!
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Bakugou 💥🧡
Book shop dates
But good luck getting him to admit it, and if you ask him outright he won’t go with you
However if you walk by him on your way out or text him your plans for the day you better bet he’s coming with you
More of a silent date, you either browse the aisles separately or together but eventually meet up to get a drink and read your new books together
He lets you yap about your books
Also sugars you and buys them
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Mina 🪩🩷
Showering with you
This one doesn’t seem like it would be a secret though because Mina is always going on and on about how much she loves your beauty days together
But she has deluded you into thinking that skincare is her favorite part of the routine when really it’s the domestic bliss of showering together
Arguing over who’s shampoo is better, using each others body wash, gossiping and singing over the sound of the water
She loves it so much
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Kirishima 🪨❤️
Scary movies
Don’t get him wrong the one thing he never wants is to see you or any of the others in fear or pain
However
He likes the feeling of protecting someone especially someone he cares about so deeply
And when your curled up next to him on the couch, eyes glued to the screen, holding his arm for comfort, and moving towards him a bit more at each jumpscare
…he can’t help but suggest another horror movie when it’s his turn to pick
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Sero 🩹🤍
Styling your hair
Need it in a braid or put up? Go to him
If you dye or bleach your hair he is right there with gloves on helping you
Even if just the smallest thing like spraying hairspray for you he’s volunteering to do it
You best believe that if your having a bad hair day he’s already coming up with solutions and helping you fix it
He loves seeing how confident and gorgeous you look when your hair turns out just the way you want it to
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Denki 🔌💛
Singing in the car with you
He’s has a playlist full of songs you both like
He’s a bad singer so if your are too prepare to have no one ever want to drive with the two of you
Now if you’re a good singer he’ll try to harmonize with you and surprisingly it sometimes works! (sometimes)
If neither of you are driving and sitting in the backseat he’ll throw an arm around your shoulders and dramatically sway to the beat
If it’s a romantic/dramatic slow song (My heart will go on…) he’ll grab your hand and dramatically hold it to his heart
Drama queen
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unluckilyimnot · 9 months ago
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Heyy! So I’m struggling with an ed at the moment and I read your headcanons where the tr boys find out reader has an ed but I was wondering if u could do that for the Bonten trio? Tyyy
s/o who has ed
Characters : Ran, Rindou, Sanzu (all Bonten)
Type : ansgt, hurt to comfort
Words count : 0.5
m.list
It’s fine, I can write about it, it’s just the same as an old one I did : I speak as a girl who experienced it in a certain way, so I’ll do my best and I don’t mean any hurt it can cause. If you’re struggling with ed we can talk about it if you feel like it, but at least don’t hesitate to talk about it. Only around people you’re safe please, I don’t want you to go through the same things as I did. You can get through it even if it’s hard (I did but I’m not cured at all)
I love you, take care of yourself and people around you, please
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Ran notices how you never touch the left over, even if he put it there for you to eat. He tried multiple times, just to be sure, but every time you already ate, or you're not hungry, or not enough so you’ll just eat some fruit. He knows too well what’s going on, yet he doesn’t know how to handle it. He can’t force you to see someone, but it hurts him acknowledging all your tricks, the way you still smile in front of your food when he hears you throwing up right after.
“Why aren’t you eating ?” It’s past midnight, you’re already reading tug in your shared bed and Ran just sat beside you. You can’t process it at first, it makes you feel sick. “It’s not a crime, I imagine what it is, but I want to understand you. And help if I can. Explain it all to me. Please.”
For a few seconds you tried to doubt that you deserve a man like him, before recalling he can kill for money. He may not be the best man out there, but he is for you. He’s ready to do better and understand you without getting mad. At the thought you shed a tear, and another and before you realize it you can’t articulate a proper sentence beside telling him that you’re sorry. Deeply sorry to be like this.
“It’s not your fault, don’t be sorry. I’m here for you.”
Rindou feels that you’re smaller than you used to be, so much smaller. It’s like he hasn’t held you in a million years when it’s only been two weeks since he left. He grabbed you a little more, here and there, but you can’t help but feel uneasy.
“Let me go to Rindou..”
“You’re so small, why ? Have you eaten enough when I was gone ?” panicked rush through his veins when he sees your eyes meeting the floor, guilt creeping into both of you. He knew it, he always did. He simply thought you were doing better since he was there and after all those years struggling together. It was that simple for you to stop it and start it all again. He’s helpless and, oh so sorry but not in a way when he feels like giving up. In a way that if he had to do it all again, from the beginning for you to get better, he will.
Sanzu doesn’t eat much himself, which is not helping with his addiction but he wants you to be healthy. He doesn’t like the idea of you hurting your body more than you already have to do. So when he finally realizes all your tricks to make him believe that you're eating normally despite your showing bones he’s more sad than mad. He knows he’s nobody to talk to, he’s destroying himself little by little too, but thinking he can lose you that way made him cry on your knees. You don’t even know what to do, you’re simply sorry but without being able to promise him you’ll stop.
“Don’t leave me” he cried out, not ready to lose someone else.
“I’ll try,” you replied.
In the silence, between his cries, there’s a secret promise that both of you will try to get each other out of their way, even if they can’t even help themselves.
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Fist post in years /lit a bir short excuse me but i have to get used to it again
Hope you like it ♡
168 notes · View notes
sheyfu · 2 months ago
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pretty boy
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𝗜𝗡 𝗪𝗛𝗜𝗖𝗛 you comfort a crying akaashi keiji
feat. post-timeskip akaashi keiji (wife!reader)
cw: ooc; kinda rushed AAAAAAAAA (i still dont know how to pace my stories i will cry); mentions of wanting to commit mass murder; proofread but not really
prompt. free write! i had sm fun w this NYEHEHEHEH (based on this req <33) note. self-indulgent; my second piece for @lia-loves's flufftober event! this is also for the anon who requested for akaashi's version of 'i love my man', which i orginally wrote as a piece for reo from bllk! if you'd like to check it out (shamless plug LAMSODMAD), you can click on the link^ tbh this is super rushed bc i dont know how to pace my stuff but we ball LMADAOMDS AND GANG IK THIS IS OOC BUT IM SOMEONE WHO BELIEVES AKAASHI'S NONCHALANT SKIBIDI RIZZLER AURA DISSIPATES (omg big word) IN FRON OF YOU yes. read for a banger 🙏 wc. 940 (and again.. lia... i know you said don't write an essay but... huheuueh)
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contrary to popular belief, being an editor for a shonen manga magazine isn’t an easy job. yes, you get to laze around until your talent submits their work to you for further checking, but only if you knew how difficult it was to work with crammers, then you’d see the hell these editors go through each passing day.
the amount of pestering you’d have to do just to receive mediocre pieces of art and an even-more-mediocre storyline that you can’t help but cry to (not that it’s unusable or course. it just needs a little (a lot) of revision :]), and the amount of times you’d have to apologize to the big bosses for the delay brings tears to the eyes of each and every editor.
personally, you’ve never experienced any of those hardships. your life as a legal practitioner is pretty smooth-sailing—save for the fact that some clients are a bit hard headed of course—but other than that, your life is a-okay!
and adding onto the fact that you’re happily wed to your husband of eight years, mr. akaashi keiji, you’d say you're pretty much content with life right now.
speaking of husband, is akaashi keiji happy with his life? definitely! a happy wife = happy life! 
and how about his work life? uhhhh, not so much.
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“die die die die die die die”
the door to your apartment bursts open as a slumped figure walks in carelessly kicking his shoes in some corner of your little foyer. hearing the concerning amount of grumbles coming from your husband interrupt your little staring contest with the very demonic cat shaped cookies you decided to bake to pass time.
“keiji? you alright over there?” furrowing your eyebrows at the lack of response, you trudge to the living room to check up on your beloved.
“keiji? my love– what-”
only to see the biggest shocker of your life: a crying akaashi keiji.
now, keiji has cried a bunch of times in front of you; whether those tears have been from happiness or sadness, you’ve seen them all. you’ve also seen him go into little tantrums whenever he has his crying sessions; most of the time, these are due to his rather.. unruly clients. but no, tonight’s different. never in your life have you seen your akaashi keiji cry and be in hysterics at the same time.
“i can’t do this anymore!” continuous sobs rip out from the man in front of you—his bloodshot eyes being a telltale sign that he’s been crying even before he getting your shared apartment. 
oh dear..
upon reaching his knelt down form on the floor, you join him to litter his face with kisses. “hey now.. don’t cry please. i hate seeing you cry.” patting his head and engulfing him in a big hug, you continue to land kisses on his head.
only to be grabbed by the shoulders. “w- woah!”
“no, wife! i- i really can’t do it!” exasperated claims continuously spew out of his mouth—his cries seemingly getting worse and worse. “these… these vermins! they’re ruining my life! and that’s not even it! they also—”
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comforting a crying husband on your chest isn’t part of your nightly routine. what also isn’t part of your routine is being gripped to death by said crying husband.
“i swear.. i swear to god, wife. i’ll actually throw my sketchbook at them the next time we meet.” keiji’s hoarse voice sounds from your chest; little sniffles coming out from him as you console your weeping spouse. 
oh keiji.. my sweet, sweet keiji..
“look at me, keiji.” said man raises his head up to meet your gaze. cupping his cheeks to bid the tears goodbye, you offer him a smile, “i know you’re mad– very mad—and i get you! it’s totally valid to feel like this” swiping your thumbs to get rid of the stray tears, you continue, “i’m sorry this happened to you, keiji. you know i’m not the best with words, but to try and bring comfort to you, i could join you if you do decide to wreak havoc in the office. you with your sketchbooks, me with my thousand page law books. how does that sound, hmm?” 
a small smile appears on his face—a sight you’ve seen each day, yet something you’ve never grown accustomed to. 
“really? you’d do that with me?” the smile on his face grows; eyes lighting up with glee as he takes in your words.
feeling a hot flush creep up on your face, you can’t help but utter your next words unwittingly, “you’re so pretty, keiji.” a few beats of silence pass as you process your own words.
well shit.
“o- oh, sorry! i didn’t mean to say that.. well! i mean you are pretty… really pretty actually, but–” small, yet resounding giggles stop your flow of speech. 
“even after eight years of being together, you still get flustered saying compliments” giggles-turned-to-laughter now escape from an akaashi keiji—his hand clutching his stomach as he slaps the bed. 
“hey! don’t be mean! it’s not my fault you’re so pretty..” you start sulking as you take in the sight of your now laughing husband, seemingly enjoying your flustered state.
as his laughter slowly comes to a halt, his next words surprise you even more.
“well. to make it even.. you’re really, really beautiful too, wife” a grin appears on akaashi keiji’s face as he kisses your forehead. 
your eyes widen as you process his words. 
me… beautiful… i’m… he thinks… he said i’m beautiful..
“stop your dirty tricks, keiji! this was supposed to be me comforting you— mmph!” 
he cuts you off with a kiss.
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linking lia's flufftober event here!!
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please check her event and works out!!
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🐈‍⬛️: gang first time writing for hq and I KNOW IM VERY MUCH AWARE that it's ooc LMAODMAOSDGIOA BUT EVEN SO, I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED MWAWMAMWA. i won't add hq to my taglist (yet. i'll still see LAMDOAMD), but shamless self plug LAMSDOAMSD if you'd like to be part of my taglist(s) for blue lock, honkai star rail, ace of diamond, kaiju no 8 and/or genshin, please access the gform link below <3
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© sheyfu on tumblr
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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 3 months ago
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Do you think it's okay for me to write for TWST even though I don't play the game?
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Personally, I don’t think anyone ever “needs” to play a game in order to enjoy it and create for it. Sometimes you can just observe art from a distance and appreciate it, or you like hearing about how it brings joy to people you know. Maybe you like the aesthetic of it but can’t really see yourself getting heavily involved with it. Perhaps you don’t like gacha games so you can’t be motivated to engage with the mechanics. There are many possible avenues.
In the case of a game like Twisted Wonderland, there may be accessibility reasons why you don’t play since the game is only in English and Japanese—and even then, maybe your country doesn’t have a server to host it. In fact, I know there are many people who are TWST fans yet only read translations or watch videos about it without having played the game themselves. Maybe they found the manga or the light novel first. Whenever the anime comes out, people might discover TWST through that. We have to consider these aspects and be more open-minded about what constitutes as a “fan” rather than gatekeeping the label of “fan” to only those who play tie game for no discernible reason. What defines someone as a fan or not isn’t the labels other people put on you—you are the one that decides what you want to label yourself, and whether you are a fan or not.
I believe that also extends to content creation in fandom spaces. No one’s stopping you from making fan art or writing fanfic (or whatever it may be) just because you don’t play the game, and nor should you need anyone’s thumbs-up to do so. When you think that you do, you’re only imposing an arbitrary limit and holding yourself back. You have to be confident in deciding what you want to make without worrying how others might perceive you for it.
Now, that being said 💦 I don’t mean to scold anyone for asking me questions, but I feel that I again need to stress this: I am an internet stranger. My opinion or approval/disapproval shouldn’t hold any more weight than the next person’s. You should not put too much value in the advice of an internet stranger either. You shouldn’t care whether or not I think something is okay for you to do. The only person who can give you “permission” is you!
I understand that maybe people may feel uncertain about themselves or are looking for reassurance from a third party, but I do not feel I am the right place to go to for these kinds of things. Even though I answer in earnest, questions of this nature make me feel like I’m being put on the spot and pressured to provide timely comfort.
I don’t feel comfortable continuously being asked for very personalized advice like this; asks like this push on the boundary and start getting into uncomfortable territory for me. I’m here to talk about Disney anime pretty boys. I’m not here to be a fandom counselor 😅 Does that make sense?
This isn’t the only time I’ve received asks of this nature, nor is it the only time I’ve had to give a public warning about this. Please be mindful and respect the boundaries I have set.
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