#i can’t believe a game other than halo got me to read a book

[crowcryptid]

Finished reading house of leaves

I think I get it

But I’m also the worst when it comes to putting thoughts into words :p

brief thoughts (under the cut to avoid spoilers)

So what I got is: Self destruction due to, I don’t want to say overconfidence, but the need to do things yourself. Cutting out everyone else. Not knowing when to quit until it’s too late, you’re in too deep and can’t save yourself. Obsession/compulsion/fear ruling every action. Leaving a gaping hole in the lives of the people around you. Tunnel vision to a lethal degree.

(A lesson in not going cave diving/exploring irl tbh)

And of course there was the trauma, abuse, inherited mental illness, etc. for Johnny that ultimately does him in. He couldn’t take care of himself, he couldn’t help his friend. Maybe this is me making an incorrect assumption, but the last thing he writes about the baby is his own death? His mother was the only one who would understand his condition since he inherited it from her. If he didn’t die then I’m not sure what that bit was about. It’s the last thing he wrote. I’m just assuming he’s dead.

Overall.

It felt bleak. Which I’m sure is the point. The ending for the family isn’t a good scenario, but it’s not the worst. Most of them survive, traumatized physically, mentally, but are reunited.

Everyone except Tom died for no good reason. I don’t mean that in a “bad writing” way. I just mean that saving someone is about the best way you could go out.

But how else could it have ended? It’s like it was fate.

A lonely old man would die alone. Happens all the time.

A photographer who has seen the worst the world has had to offer would do anything to document something no one has ever seen before (or something no one has ever lived to/thought to document).

A man with seemingly not much to live for beyond temporary distractions would succumb to his predisposed condition, a downfall only made worse by his destructive coping mechanisms. No family, a rough past, he only lives for the moment. If his one and only friend couldn’t snap him out of it, no one could.

So they both continue on the path. David is rescued. Johnny is not.

What’s the message of this all? Besides “don’t let yourself or someone you know get to that point”, I’m not sure.

All the stuff with the girls and Johnny only confused me. I just chalked it up to chasing temporary fulfillment. Distractions. Until he found something that consumed him entirely.

Marriage stuff confused me as well but I straight up don’t understand 99% of things like that so I won’t dwell on it too much. Karen had her issues, whether it was the mentioned trauma or something else. David has seen the world and documented the hardships of it, not to mention being away for long periods of time. The lack of communication creates resentment and distance. That’s about all I got regarding that.

As I said. Pretty bleak. Depersonalization/derealization is a bitch. I deal with that.

Yeah that’s about all I have to say :p

I haven’t looked anything up regarding it. I probably will eventually but I’ll give it some more time to sit. I kinda had to rush through it since i have to get back to doing classwork. (I was reading during the downtime at work, which is when i usually do my school stuff.)

[doberbutts]

woozymitts

The same shit happened in The Witcher fandom, people got sooooo fucking upset when the show came out because "Ew these people are into the SHOW and not the BOOKS/GAMES they're doing Fandom wrong >:(" instead of like. Being happy that people discovered something they like and there's new people to be friends with and talk about TW with.

I missed a lot of that because I am a Games Fan from the time of The First Game and initially tried to engage with the fandom back when Wild Hunt came out because I was so fucking pumped to not only be returning to the Witcher but also because it was such a significant jump in game quality and then. And Then. I realized that the Witcher fandom was filled with a bunch of racist, sexist assholes who were more interested in spitting on any POC or queer person going “hey... um...” as well as any woman who was at least mildly uncomfortable with the implications of some of the romance options throughout the series as well as the gratuitous sexual violence within the universe spoken about so casually.

By the time the series came out, I’d heard a bunch of the same stupid whining “but POC don’t make sense here” “I can’t believe [female character] is a girlboss now” “the costumes” “the dialogue” “the lore changes” “make it fail” and resolved to simply not interact with the fandom outside of reading a few fics of my favs every now and again. I bought the books because the show reminded me that I’d been waiting for them all to be officially translated, and I want absolutely nothing to do with the Witcher fandom because of what I saw, despite having been in it for almost as long as it’s been available to US audiences.

moddeydhoo

There's a lottttt of snobbery in fandom. "Ew, new people! They can't be REAL fans because of several reasons I'll now think up and then use interchangeably! And all older adaptations are better because objective facts and definitely not because of the nostalgia halo effect! (also anyone who got into  the fandom earlier than me is a disgusting old who's also doing it wrong, because very valid reasons such as: adults are icky)"

Yes, I saw this when the Hobbit movies came out too, and was fairly frustrated about that (and hilariously, those movies are now being upheld as great when the same complaints were happening regarding them...) and it just really bothers me to see it again and again.

Did I like the Hobbit movies? They were alright for what they were. Not my favorite. Never going to match the feeling I had when I sat down to watch LOTR the first time. Made a lot of annoying changes to the lore. Screwed over their female elf OC’s actor. Good for a rewatch marathon with the OG but outside of specific scenes I don’t really find much interest in it.

Do I like the Hobbit-movies-era subset of the fandom? No, actually, most of the time I avoid anything to do with that because I feel the source of their interest has a much different tone and take than the actual book and surrounding materials. There’s only so many times one can see party-king Thranduil memes before being kind of annoyed that that was the takeaway when you’ve invested as much time as I have in learning this universe. I don’t read any fics written by folks who are going based off that trilogy’s version of events. I’m incredibly choosey with my Tolkien fan-created material and because I’m coming from an era where the OG trilogy movies were somewhat sacrilegious due to their changes, often it’s simply not Tolkien enough for me.

But I don’t go bother those fans about it. Let them have their fun. They’re not hurting anyone? If I want to experience the parts of the franchise I like again, they sit on my bookshelf and I can revisit them whenever I want. What’s the point of being so sanctimonious about whether people are interested in a piece of media because of the right adaption when the truth of the matter is that they’re all adaptions and thus will all be different from the source material as well as each other? I still reblog Hobbit gifsets to my main and I still own those movies. I’m happy just to be back in Middle Earth again when I watch them, even though certain aspects make me twitch.

I just hate to see people being so cruel. We’re all Tolkien fans in the end. If a different adaption really threatens (general) your ability to enjoy (general) your favorite adaption, then what are you actually a fan of?

[braindeadforiwa]

Can I request some first kiss head canons with Tsukishima, Kenma, and Tanaka? If that's alright, thank you for your time and writing!

i gotchuuuuu first kiss headcanons comin right up! i hope u enjoy <3

Tsukishima

you’d been on your way back to your apartment, the crisp winter air nipping at your nose and cheeks, when you spotted a familiar figure on the swings in the small park you passed nearly every day

the sun had set long ago at this point, and though you knew tsuki suffered from insomnia usually he didn’t make his way outside he’d usually opt to read a book or watch a show

you didn’t say anything as you took the swing next to him

he’d talk when he wanted to, that’s something you’d learned early on in your friendship

much like a cat it was better for him to cross that barrier and make that first move than you

“you’re coming home late,” was the first thing he said

it was a statement but you knew the question that was hidden there

“co-worker was sick so they needed some extra hands,” you replied

he hummed in response, the sound low

to others it likely sounded disinterested, but to your trained ear you knew it wasn’t him brushing off what you’d said

“you should go home and get some sleep” he said after a minute to which you told him you were tired just yet

and that’s how it continued for the next hour, small conversations about nothing of particular importance, stretches of comfortable silence mingled in 

the night sky was clear, and if you squinted you could make out the stars dotting the blanket of navy blue

the moonlight cascaded down to gently illuminate the park around you and creating a silver halo around tsuki’s hair

you’d joked with him once in the past that if things didn’t work out on his current path of working at the museum he could always try his hand at modeling

he’d only replied with a tsk as he went back to the book he’d been reading

“hey.” tsuki’s voice had taken on a slightly more serious tone ((though admittedly he sounded serious a good majority of the time)) “thanks for always keeping me company on the bad night...or whatever”

maybe you were seeing things but you could’ve sworn u saw pink color his cheeks

you reached out to tug your swing closer to his and grinned at him “that’s what i’m here for idiot”

his eyebrows furrowed as he stared at you

after a few seconds had passed you were worried he’d actually been insulted that couldn’t be though, you’d called him worse before and he’d never batted an eye, just rolled them

you were about to ask when he quickly leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to your lips

you were barely able to react before he pulled away and stood up, leaving you there to try and wrap your head around what had happened

“like i said, thanks,” he said before starting to walk away, his blush hidden now hidden in the darkness

“i- wh- TSUKI YOU CAN’T JUST DO THAT AND WALK AWAY” you yelled before scrambling to follow after him, your lips pulling into a smile when you hear the smallest laugh escape him

Kenma

You’d been officially dating Kenma for a couple months now

most of your friends argued that the two of you had acted like a couple even before you two had become “official”

your friendship had just been one of those things where you two worked in tandem so well that the natural course of things landed you here

even now that you two were official nothing had really changed, the time spent together was the same, the interactions and conversations were the same, the only thing that was really different was there was more cuddles involved during movie nights

Currently you were in the kitchen making dinner while Kenma was busy with a charity stream

it’s something he’d started doing at the beginning of the year -- every month he’d have his subscribers choose a charity to raise money for and he’d stream until the goal was met

he liked having you over when he was doing these because you helped make sure he actually ate when he needed to

“and the company was nice” he’d told you after one stream

You knocked on the door to his room before entering, plates in hand

when kenma saw you he paused the game he’d been playing, removing his headphones

you walked over to kenma and gave him his food, waving to the camera, before heading over to the couch to eat your own dinner

while kenma ate he’d just talk with those in chat -- answering questions, talking about upcoming games and his most anticipated, discussing his thoughts on games he’d recently played

occasionally chat would have some questions for you and kenma would call you over to interact a bit

this had been the routine for nearly a year now, starting before the “official dating” started

"huh? yeah, we’re dating,” you heard kenma say nonchalantly, your ears perked up at that. “i’m not answering that,” kenma then said, his voice it’s usual calm

“what’d they ask?” you said

“they wanna know if we’ve kissed”

you hummed in response with a small chuckle. the answer was no, but if he wasn’t saying anything you wouldn’t either

the stream finally ended a few hours later and kenma let out a sigh

you walked over to his chair where he was with his head leaned back and his eyes closed

“congrats on reaching your goal,” you said brushing the hair back from his face

he hummed, opening his eyes a moment later to look up at you, brown eyes meeting your own 

he looked at you for a beat longer before asking “can i kiss you?” a gentle smile danced across your features before you leaned down, meeting his lips with your own

Tanaka

Life with Tanaka was always an adventure, that’s how it had been for the past four years you’d known him and it’d likely continue to be one in the future

On that particular day he’d told you about this secret place in the forest over by the park

he’d apparently heard about the place from one of his buddies from work

you were Not particularly interested in going into a forest bc you were Quite certain Tanaka would get both of you lost

you had good reason to believe so mind you, it had happened on the last few adventures he’d taken you along on

there were numerous reasons that he gave to get you on board with the search

“the forest isn’t even that deep!”

“c’mon y/n you’ve got me to protect ya from all the big nasties we might face!” coupled with a confident grin and a flex of his muscles

“damn i didn’t know you were such a baby” accompanied by a smug grin

at the end of it all he managed to wear you down and now you found yourself walking the path into the small forest

you had to admit you were pretty curious at this point and worst case scenario you got to tease tanaka and tell him i told you so

you two had met up at around noon and had been searching for about an hour or two now

tanaka was leading the way, looking at the directions his friend had given 

“okay we have to turn right”

“ryuu we already took two rights in a row, you’re gonna make us go in a circle”

“just trust me”

ultimately you did not find the secret getaway and unfortunately the heavens had decided to open up, rain cascading down from the darkened sky

the two of you had taken refuge under a large tree, its canopy doing a fairly good job at shielding you as you huddled together

even though you were soaked, there was a beauty to the whole scene

the sound of rain hitting the leaves of the trees all around, the drops ricocheting off of the rocks that lined the barely there trail

“well i can’t say i’m too disappointed, this is still pretty nice,” you said

you turned your head to look at tanaka to find him closer than you’d expected

what threw you off more was the soft look on his face

the heat of the blush rising to your cheeks contrasted the cool air around you

“ryuu-”

your question was cut off as he brought his lips to meet yours

the kiss was short, but still full of the energy that you were used to from tanaka, but underlying all of that was a gentleness -- a hesitance -- as if he were asking if this was alright

well your returning kiss was answer enough to that question

[unholyeverything]

Some of you are probably tired about me screeching about my angel bois that I made as OCs for Obey Me. But I’m not and my friend also said they aren’t and that’s all I care about.

So I will screech about these nasty guys some more. Because angels aren’t nice in my book, they never were and they never will be, at least not nice as most people perceive them and I have my reasons for that. 

Anyways, I wanted them to fit into the Universe kinda given in the game but with my own twist on it, I also took some things that are kinda biblical or proper angel related but also not word for word, I used them as I saw fit and changed it to fit what I like.

These are more like scribbles, and ideas of what I want them to be, there will probably be more added to that, but as of now these are the most complicated and most thought about OCs I ever had. Like I even gave them their own personalities and stories and I never did that before, so I’m keeping all as bullet points! 

Michael

• hates demons and especially Diavolo with a burning passion, probably the reason why the celestial realm has such a bad view of demons

• created in Gods image, so he is treated as that, everything he does is good and right and correct, gets everything he wants

• fell in love with Lucifer, especially since he was created as the most beautiful of Archangels, so that’s just what he deserves

• but he is kinda uncharacteristically shy about that and never told him directly, but it was clear he kinda had a special spot for him

• has a horrible god complex, and Lucifer hated that, he was curious but in total not really interested

• but Michael is dumb, and not used to having people not like him, he doesn’t get things like that, doesn’t accept them even, because he is like their creator so everyone should love him now matter what

•  decided that Gabriel had to be his best friend one day, and well then he had to be because you don’t oppose Michael, that’s just not a wise thing to do

• Gabriel is the only one he ever directly told about his feelings for Lucifer

• that’s why he hates Diavolo so much: the love of his life started a war because of a decision that he made, that there was no chance that his decision was wrong or uncalled for, absolutely no way for that, he always knows what he has to do and everything he does is 100% correct, he can’t make mistakes, so he kinda got mad and kicked him out as a “come back when you learned your lesson”. But he didn’t. He still has to learn apparently, but he still loves him a lot and waits for him to come back. And then he has the audacity to fall in love with the prince of hell, something that he can’t accept and will never, because that demon is just trash and he is better in any way especially looks. And it can’t be that a demon got what you can’t because he is Michael.

• strongly believes that Diavolo is just manipulating him and just put him under a spell, especially in his moment of weakness right after the fall

• is set on bringing Lucifer back, because he can just do that, when he wants him back everyone wants him back

• because their love isn’t genuine but a farce that Diavolo set up, and since he is strong none can look through that aside from him

• he is extremely positive, nothing can bring him down or change his opinion

• Gabriel has to fix all his problems, he is so helpful and nice, always, even when people don’t want it, but how can people not want his help, impossible

• I was inspired by the fact that the sun is the planet/star associated with him for his design, so he is warm and supposed to resemble a sunny day, with red and blue being his colours

• he’s a virgin and completely oblivious to anything that has any sexual innuendos, like he understand how things work but has no idea about kinks or that anything could be seen in that way, it just simply never crossed his mind, he also doesn’t get it when people flirt with him, he just thinks they are being nice

• fully and completely trusts Gabriel, which has caused him to get away with some stuff, but he is the closest friend he ever had and he won’t stop taking about him and telling him and others how great he is

• is plagued by nightmares, the war and everything that has happened didn’t pass by completely, opposite to his usual bright and happy personality, he never talks about them with anyone other than Gabriel though, he wants to stay happy for everyone

Powers

• he got a flaming sword as his weapon

• theory for the eyes floating around his halo: This is kinda complicated and probably only makes sense in my head but I’m trying to explain it. He is pretty much their creators physical resemblance walking around, so he needs the ability to see everything. In my story, he, Gabriel and Lucifer were the big three up there, the ones with the most power and the most influence. They were always ment to be that so Michael as the first to be created was created with their eyes for him to see through as well, getting another point of view so to say. The blue ones are his own, the green ones are Gabriels and the red one that is still there is what was left of Lucifer’s three, the other ones he took with him, so he can see things too. With traces of all their powers he can see everything that happens, and draw out powers from them. They are always with him and he can see what they are doing or what they are thinking about the topics too. Gabriels glare at him most of the time, and the red one that was left doesn’t move much anymore, since the connection was lost mostly. And I’m saying mostly because it still stands,so he also knows what’s going on in the Devildom, not to the tiniest of details like he should be able to but in general. Very advanced stalking powers so to say. 

Fashion

• he likes showing skin and wearing tighter fitting clothes, his creator made his body after all and he proudly wants to show that

• So he usually wears some deep cut out shirts for any casual clothes and tighter fitting dress pants

• loves lots of colour, his favourite pattern is plaid

Gabriel

• realist

• hates everyone equally, goes into every conversation hating his opposite, but you can proof him wrong and then he’ll be decent, but good luck to you if not

• is as done with Michael as Lucifer and Barbatos together are with Diavolo

• roasts Michael on a daily basis, but he doesn’t get it, he is to perfect for that, why would anyone do it

• will never make fun of him though and will be there for him, they have been stuck to each other for so long, they ended up being closer to each other than anyone else, he just shows his love through hate and disgust

• the only one in the Celestial realm with braincells, and he doesn’t like sharing

• isn’t averted to demons at all, was probably the reason why Michael agreed to the exchange program

• some suck but not all

• also knows, and accepts that Lucifer doesn’t have any interest in Michael and tries to get him off of that since Millennia but it never works

• likes getting his hair brushed and braided, it’s his quilty pleasure, has a collection of brushes and combs

• also likes piercings, he has a lot

• I read somewhere that his planet/star was the moon and I liked that, I could design him and Mike as opposites that way, that’s why I made him super pale and resembling the night

• pure savage, he cares about nothing

• super bold, he will say anything that is on his mind, no reagard for any other person

• makes up for Mike being a virgin tenfold, he’s a little kinky, likes body worship and humiliating others

•  definitely has a bit of a princess personality, he’s above others and they should feel honoured that he even graces them with his presence

•  very set on looking clean and pristine

• doesn’t really care about gender normalities, I feel he would be more on the nb spectrum but uses male pronouns, make fun of him dressing up girly/feminine and you’ll regret every decision you ever made in life

Powers

• I picked off the fact that Gabriel is kinda god’s messenger I guess, so I made his voice his powers

• he can use his creators if he wants to, and that affects people more closely, they feel it in their hearts more and are more affected by it, in both negative and positive ways

• and Gabriel isn’t nice, so he mostly yells at people 

• everyone is scared off him because of that, extremely careful around him to not say anything that could make him angry

• or they’ll regret it, like just him saying that you didn’t do a good job when using his voice could make you so depressed that you hole yourself up in your room for the next years

• so kinda like mind breaking, the stronger the being the harder it is to apply, but even other Archangels are affected by him, just for Michael it doesn’t work at all

• is pretty weak physically, but thanks to his voice people mostly break down and lay crying on the floor long before they reach him

• doesn’t need to be next or close to the people for that, you always hear him as if he was right next to you even if you don’t see him

• he is really intelligent

• he also knows everything about a person, every way that words could hurt them, that just comes with it, reading their minds a little you could say, but only seeing information that he could use, use to build them up or bring them down

Fashion

• likes loose flowy clothes

• dresses very feminine, usually high waisted and wide legged pants, or flowy jumpsuits

• his hair is either open, braided or in a high ponytail

• likes all types of floral prints, but sticks with white, blue and green as his preferred colours

• usually lots of golden jewelry

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #332

i’m even more tired than before to try and think up song lyrics, i’m pasting from Word and then fucking off to bed lmao.

What was the last video message you received on your phone? I think it was a clip of Doris (Sara's beardie) eating and just being her perfect self? Was your last birthday cake homemade or store bought? Store-bought. One thing you miss about middle school? Shit, nothing. Middle school was the worst. Do you have any shirts signed by famous people? No. Have you ever entered an art competition? Yes. Would you ever pierce yourself? No. I am very much about having a professional do your body mods/art. Plus, I have tremors in my hands. Do you live in a safe neighbourhood? Supposedly. We haven't lived here nearly long enough to know. What is the last thing you did that shocked someone? /shrug Do you often find yourself questioning your future? Only always. Have you ever been for a ride in the back of a truck? Yeah. Do you like your license photo? I hate my permit picture. Are you into superheroes? Who’s your favorite? Not very, but I like 'em enough. I always say my favorite is Deadpool, but I know he's technically an anti-hero, but whatever. If you don't include him, uhhhh... maybe Spiderman. Have you started watching any new TV shows recently? No. Have you ever been able pet a normally wild animal, like a tiger or dolphin? No. :( At least, not to my recollection. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. There's actually a winter treat 'round here that you make with snow and sugar called snow cream. Good stuff. What is the messiest area in your home? Right now, the spare room/my wanna-be "office." What’s your favorite computer game genre? Still horror, like video games. Do you have any exes your parents never liked? No. Have you received financial help from your parents in the past 5 years? I'm completely financially dependent on them still. Are you a fast or a slow eater? I eat like, stupid fast, but without being messy. People *cough*Mom*cough* will absolutely point it out, but I seriously can't help it. Making a conscious effort to eat slow feels way too weird. What was the last thing you purchased from a small local business? I don't know. Is there anyone in your family/household whom you frequently argue with? No. Have you ever used chewing tobacco? Ew, no. Tell me what's on your mind? I've been considering yet again reaching out to some tattoo parlors and asking if they're open to hiring someone to handle the front desk and take care of business besides actually performing piercing and tattooing, given my tremors. My group therapy has kinda been encouraging me to use the possibility for social exposure, and besides, I'm very comfortable in the environment and just general aura of tat parlors. I'm sure I'd have to answer the phone, handle money, and obviously talk to costumers, but I know and accept that. I've been at such a stagnant point with my social anxiety in particular that I have to start pushing back harder, and doing this I feel would be one of the most relaxed, social job positions I can hopefully handle. I don't dare to even try this though until I get vaccinated to protect my immunocompromised mom. Writing this all out has actually been pretty encouraging about this idea... Do you wish you never dated someone you dated? Yeah, Tyler. It was such a "I'm lonely and he was nice in high school, so we'll try it" situation. I got nothing from it. Are you scared of growing old alone? Pretty badly. What are you listening to right now? I'm listening to/semi-watching John Wolfe play the remaster of Resident Evil 2. What breed was the last dog you saw? He was a German shepherd. Would you ever go swimming during a thunderstorm? No. Any time a thunderstorm was brewing and I was in the pool, I'd always get out. What is the next concert you will attend? Mom and I plan to see Ozzy when/if he reschedules his tour after he had to cancel with his Parkinson's diagnosis. What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Teddy. :/ What's the highest science class you have taken? I don't know, actually. What makes you squeal like a school girl? No shame, seeing Mark and Amy do something cute together actually does this, lmao. What’s your favorite symbol? (i.e. the pentagram, the cross, etc.) Do fictional ones count? Because in that case, the Halo of the Sun from the Silent Hill franchise. I'm getting it tattooed somewhere at some point, I'm thinking the left side of my neck. I'm either gonna fashion it in a way where it looks branded on or carved into me. Have you ever been on anti depressants? For all of my pre-teen, teen, and some of my adult life. Apparently, I've only had one truly educated psychiatrist out of no less than a dozen I'd seen, because he fixed me right up. He taught me that those who suffer from bipolarity should avoid anti-depressants; they ramp up your bipolar symptoms. Instead, mood stabilizers are favorable. And what do you know, after I was prescribed a stabilizer and a catalyst for that medication, my depression decreased dramatically and became handleable. Have you ever starved yourself? Kinda. What’s the stupidest name you’ve ever given a pet? I had a guinea pig named Harry Potter. For no particular reason lmao. I'm not even a Harry Potter fan. Do you have nice legs? God no. Do you like fedoras? Okay so I know I am in the strong minority, but I actually do, haha. What is your favorite food group? Carbs. @_@ Have you ever got told that you should be a model? No, but one of the most flattering indirect compliments I've ever gotten was being mistaken for one. Jason's phone wallpaper was one of my favorite pictures of myself with my first snake, and someone asked him if I was a model. ;v;' What song is in a language you don’t speak, but you love it anyway? "Donaukinder" by Rammstein is one of my faves. Who’s a villain you sympathize with and why? SOBS Darkiplier bc his origins are so damn tragic and unfair. What book do you think should be directed as a film? Was The Giver ever made into one? I don't remember that book well, but I do recall it being absolutely beautiful. Have you ever found a stranger’s note somewhere? If so, what did it say? No. Have you ever edited Wikipedia? No. Have you ever edited any other wiki? Yeah. I have thousands on the Silent Hill wiki, where I'm one of the admins. I'm also a content moderator at the Team Ico (Shadow of the Colossus devs) one. Every now and again I used to go on the meerkats wiki as well, where I mainly fixed the fucking nightmarish grammar. Very briefly, I edited at the Dragons of Atlantis wiki as well. Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? Not very, but of course I still acknowledge the risk and am more conscious of hand washing and stuff. What popular social media platforms AREN’T you on? Snapchat, I don't actually use my Twitter, I don't have a personal Instagram... There may be more, idk. Is TikTok a "social media platform?" Because I don't have that, either. What was the name of the first porcelien doll you got? Never had one, given I was afraid of dolls as a kid. What’s your favorite Paramore song? "Decode." Would you be happy with a life without romance? To be entirely honest, I'd feel like I was missing something. Was your childhood happy? Mostly. What fundamentally matters do you? Love, kindness, peace, all that gooey stuff. Is true world peace ever possible? As much as I hate to admit it, I don't think so. The human population is far too big to come to a unanimous agreement on anything. Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? Yeah. Would you ever own a pet black widow spider? No. I'm getting more into the idea of owning invertebrates (I jabber enough about wanting tarantulas, and there are others, like mantises, I'm interested in as pets), but black widows, I'm not into the idea of having. Too venomous for me to be comfortable risking. If you have a job, what is the longest shift that you've worked? N/A Do you know all of the words to "Bohemian Rhapsody?" FUCK YES I DO. ^ Do you sing it with all of the different voices? sho nuff Do you own more than one copy of a certain book? No. Do you like interpreting poetry or just reading it for fun? Both. I love symbolism, so I get joy out of digging for subtle meanings in poems. Do you have a favorite Dr. Suess book? Yeah, it was always Green Eggs and Ham. Do you watch The Walking Dead? If so, favorite character? Not the show, but I've watched let's plays of the games, haha. In which case Clementine is inarguably one of the best female characters in a video game universe. Who has/had the most mature romantic relationship you’ve seen with your own eyes? Uhhh. I mean I never saw them much, but probably my late grandmother and her last husband. He was fucking incredible to her, and Grammy adored him as well. They helped each other so much and just obviously had the purest love between them. When was the last time you got something for free (legally)? What was it & have you enjoyed it so far? Lmao do balls in Pokemon GO count? Their occasional free boxes are the reason I can play the game because PokeStops are essentially non-existent here, so yes. What is the one fruit you can’t stand to eat? How about vegetable? The first one that came to me were oranges. I enjoy orange juice, but I just caaaaannot with the white veiny shit that you can't totally get off when peeling it. Without that, I might actually enjoy them, but idk. As for vegetable, asparagus is absolutely abhorrent. When’s the last time you actually recited the pledge? If you aren’t American, do/did you have anything similar in your country that you do during a time at school? Probably not since high school. Last person you shared food with? Ummm I have no idea. It's really just Mom and me here and we eat our own stuff. What was the last song you heard for the first time and enjoyed? I believe it waaas... "Down In The Park" by Marilyn Manson, maybe. If your life was a TV show, what would be the theme song? My inner high school emo just screamed "All Signs Point to Lauderdale" by AD2R. Who are some of your favorite female fictional characters, and why? Gahdamn, there's a lot. I don't feel like going through a mental list in my head and then describing why. A character (in anything) you wish hadn’t been killed off? Vol'jin; I think the entire WoW fanbase will forever be pissed about it. It was THE most "lul we dunno what 2 do w/ him anymore, let's let a totally random, unnamed, unimportant demon kill him" like what the fuck, Blizz. Most of his "oomph" was in the book, and I just really wish they'd done so much more with him in the game. Has anything “cute” happened in the past week? Off the top of me noggin, no. When did you last say “I love you”? Did you mean it? Yesterday to Sara. OF course I did. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times? Hi, PTSD, how are ya. Have you ever slept all day? Essentially. When I was on a larger dose of my anxiety med, I physically couldn't stay up for barely even five minutes, and when I'd lie back down, boom, I was OUT. I stayed on that dosage for I think just that one day, it was so bad. Can you have kids? Well, I have a functioning menstrual cycle, so I would assume so. Doesn't mean I will, though. What colors of mascara have you worn on your lashes? Only black. Do you like eating sour things? Hell yeah, I love sour stuff, candy in particular. Do you like pickles? fuuuuck yeah Did you ever have a really close friend move away? Yeah, in elementary school. I feel bad I can't remember her name at the moment... What's the most creative thing you've ever done? I mean, I guess the things I've written in RP. What's the most creative thing someone has done for you? For me? I don't really know. Do you like to watch ghost-hunting shows? Sure, they're some of my favorites. What’s something you’d like to be better at? Social interaction. Have you ever stayed up to talk to someone who was sad? Yeah. Do you think you would make a good parent? No. I know I wouldn't. The only time I ever wanted kids was with Jason, and honestly, I really hope I don't end up with a man because I never want to deal with that urge again and make a mistake. I'm just in no way emotionally fit to be a mother. How many best friends do you have? Just one. What do you cry over the most? My PTSD, honestly. I never sob about it anymore, just shed some tears. What language did/do you take in high school? Latin for one semester, then all four available for German. Which sports do you follow? None. Who was the last person you talked about marriage or having kids with? About marriage, Sara. Kids, the subject was lightly touched upon with Girt, though "with" was never a part of it, but obviously implied seeing as we were dating with long-term in mind. Have you ever been in a house fire? No, thankfully. Have you ever made out for one straight hour? them is rookie numbers Are you any good at remembering phone numbers? No. I literally don't even know my own, nor my mother's. I need to fix that. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Girt. Do you have a bookshelf? If so, just one or how many? No. If I gave you twenty bucks what would you do with it? Save it to go towards Venus' terrarium. Is there a movie from your childhood that you still watch today? Well of course! I'm unashamed to watch any "kids" movie I enjoy, like Disney ones. Most "kids" movies tend to be better than those intended for adults, it seems... Are you afraid of mice? Oh no, I adore mice and I think had a pair as pets before I got rats. What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I can't really answer this; I haven't gone on nearly enough vacations to develop a theme. I can say confidently though it'd probably be something small. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? I don't enjoy musicals. Have you ever watched Doctor Who? One or two with Sara, yes. I know we at least watched the weeping angels episode. If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? Warriors by S.E. Hinton. Sometimes I wanna get back into them, but I am YEARS behind and more into Wings of Fire anyway, so. I don't read nearly enough for both. How do you get rid of your hiccups? Literally no trick seems to work for me. I just suffer lmao.

[willow-salix]

Isolation update and this was based on two prompts by @eirabach and @cloudkicker09 for the irrelief challenge by @gumnut-logic. Big thanks to the amazing @avengedbiologist for the art collab!

Day 83 of Isolation on Tracy Island and our poor Virgil is still feeling a little tender . His back is a lot better but he’s still having to be careful how he’s sitting and so we’ve banned him from doing anything remotely strenuous. For Virg, this is hard. He’s usually quite happy to chill out for a few hours and do nothing but that’s when it's on his terms, not when he’s been ordered to stay put. Then he needs some bribery.

“OK,” I started, “what do you want? What’s gonna get you to stay put?”

He thought about it for a moment or two and then he dropped his bombshell.

“Couch day. If I have to stay put, so do you all.”

I glanced around at everyone else who nodded. They could do that.

“On one condition,” Virgil threw in. “You know those special things we ordered online a few weeks ago and were saving for Christmas?”

My mouth dropped in shock. “Oh, ohmigods! Are they here? Did they arrive?”

He nodded, grinning evilly. “Picked them up last supply run and hid them in my wardrobe.”

“Yessss! Can I go get them?”

He nodded again.

“Woohoo!” I ran off like I had Thunderbird Three up my butt.

“Why do I get the feeling that we’re going to hate this?” I heard John sigh as I left the room.

***

“I feel ridiculous,” John groaned, looking down at his outfit in obvious disgust.

“Nooo,” I assured him. “You look gorgeous!”

“Well I love mine!” Alan grinned, spinning around to look at his reflection in the window.

“Me too,” Gordon agreed, checking out his backside in another window. “Look at my little fin!”

“Mines a tad too short,” Scott pointed down where he was showing a good six inches of ankle and hairy calf below the cuffs.

“Mines so comfy,” Virgil moaned, snuggling deeper into the warm material.

“Mines actually kind of cool,” Kayo admitted. She looked as awesome as always, curled up like a cat in one of Alan’s bucket seats, her black and silver onesie fitted her like a glove and she was clearly revelling in the soft warmth it provided.

“I’m not putting the hood up,” John stated, thumping down on the couch and crossing his arms in protest.

“Oh come on, it’s so cosy,” Alan wheedled, having already tugged up the hood of his red onesie, the pointy top forming the nose cone of his Thunderbird.

Virgil and I had been rather bored, it had been late and we had stumbled across a fan site that had made its own International Rescue merchandise. A few clicks later and we had purchased one of every onesie they possessed and then found me a cute little halloween bat onesie so I could join in. I loved it and was currently flapping my wings excitedly.

Virgil's was, of course, big and green, the yellow trim and red cuffs looked great on him. His hood was rounded like Two’s nose and his arms had flaps of material that attached down to his sides to give him wings. The large lettering of Thunderbird Two straight down his sides completed the look.

Gordon’s was bright yellow with a red stripe around the middle and midway up his calves and he had a fin that started halfway down his back and reached right down to his butt, flaring out wider the lower it got. His also said Thunderbird Four down the sides.

Alan’s had a grey striped strip around his belly and back, a white collar and white cuffs and was just the cutest thing ever with Thunderbird Three running down his chest in white and with a white three on each ankle.

Scott’s was simply glorious, his hood sported a pointy red cone, two dark grey stripes circled his upper chest and back and his arms also had wings like Virgil’s. The lower legs (which was more just below the knee for him) were blue and the ankles and cuffs were the same dark grey as the stripes on his chest. Thunderbird One was written in white on his chest and he looked amazing. Clearly he thought so too if the poses he was striking were any indication.

John’s was a little more elaborate than the other boys and honestly I don’t completely blame him for his reaction. His hood had a soft, bendy circle hovering above it like a weird angel halo, made to represent Five’s gravity ring and was grey on the outside and red on the inside, which also had International Rescue written on it in white letters. His chest area was a puffy ball where the monitoring station would be, making him look like he had suddenly developed a massive beer belly. The legs were yellow and his ankles (it was a little short on him too) had two stiff panels that stuck out. I thought they were adorable, he hated them with the fiery passion of a thousand suns.

“Stop being so grumpy,” I told him, dropping down next to him and attempting to snuggle the bad mood out of him as we all prepared to watch Virgil’s movie of choice, La La Land, another musical but this was his day so we weren’t going to complain.

Drinks were gathered, snacks were shared out and everyone got comfy as the movie started. Surprisingly enough it wasn’t one that I’d watched before and I found it quite enjoyable although Alan and Gordon were clearly not impressed, come to think of it, neither were Kayo and Scott.

As soon as the movie ended all four of them made their escape, leaving John and I to keep Virgil company.

“This was not part of the deal,” Virgil yelled after them, they ignored him. “You have to at least keep your onesies on!” he ordered.

“Sorry about them,” I said, getting up to fetch him another drink and at his request, his sketchbook and pencils.”You just can’t trust family.”

“What am I, invisible?” John asked, batting at one side of the gravity ring that kept getting in his way.

“No, you’re awesome,” I answered.

“Suck up,” Virgil laughed, then winced when his back twinged.

“Will you sit still!” I ordered, plumping his pillow and settling him back.

“Is she always this bossy?”

“Hard to imagine, given how quiet she usually is, but yes,” John answered dryly, picking up his abandoned book. I smacked his shoulder in retaliation but still used him as a pillow as I located the magazine I’d been reading and went back to the article about vampires in Scotland.

We chilled quietly for around half an hour before a voice broke the silence.

“John, I’m bored.”

“You don’t get bored, EOS,” he replied, glancing over at her portable drive which he’d left on the coffee table. “At least you’re not supposed to.”

“It feels like I am. You told me that when someone has nothing left to do they get bored, that’s why you keep sending Alan out to collect space debris.”

Virgil sniggered.

“I have finished all the tasks you set for me and I have downloaded today’s statistics to your comm so now, I believe, I am bored.”

EOS had been brilliant in keeping Five running smoothly in between John’s daily visits in which he spent a few hours with her checking in on the world. Sometimes I went with him, or one of the others, but she had been alone for the majority of the time. We had grown used to checking in with her at night too, talking to her before we settled for the night and she often popped up with a question or two during the day.

With so little to do for International Rescue in the way of actually rescuing people she had taken to it upon herself to work her way through every encyclopedia that had ever been uploaded to the internet, to familiarize herself with customs and cultures around the world and, weirdest of all, pop culture and slang words. That had made for some interesting conversations, especially when the younger two got involved.

“What are you all doing to relieve your boredom?” she asked.

“Reading,” I answered, lifting my magazine to show her.

“Reading,” John answered, displaying his book.

“Drawing,” Virgil answered.

Her lights flickered for a few seconds.

“Reading I understand, if one wishes to gain knowledge then reading is an acceptable way to do so. But drawing serves no purpose.”

“Uh oh,” John muttered, ducking into his hood.

“Serves no purpose?” Virgil gasped, shocked to his very core by her words. “Of course it does.”

“It has no function.”

“It does!”

“Can we not argue about this?” I asked.

“I’m not arguing,” Virgil insisted. “I’m educating, is that OK?.”

“Anything that will keep her occupied,” John shrugged. EOS had taken to playing with the comms and the fire alarms when she had nothing to do, so we needed more to amuse her.

Virgil reached for the drive but groaned, his back protesting. I got up and fetched it for him, handing it over. He settled back against his cushions and set the drive on his shoulder like a weird parrot.

“Art,” he began, “can’t be broken down into functions and reasoning, art is about feeling.” He sketched a few lines on his pad. “Humans are complicated creatures; they all have different likes and dislikes, things that they love and things that they hate. Art, above all else, makes us feel, even if it's a negative emotion.”

Virgil had a lovely voice to listen to, soft and warm, you just couldn’t help but pay attention to everything he said. I put my magazine down and snuggled closer to John, settling like it was story time.

“Art comes in many forms, music, literature, photography, sculpting, cooking, anything and everything that is creative is a form of art. For as long as there has been humans, there has been art, humans have an inherent need to create, to make things, to leave their mark on the world in some way or another. Look at you.”

“What about me?” EOS asked, having been listening silently, her lights flickering thoughtfully.

“You evolved from game code that John created, you yourself are a form of art. And you yourself create things every day.”

“How do I?” EOS had been learning to emulate tone and expressions, putting them into her voice whenever she thought it was appropriate, it could be pretty hit or miss, but this time she sounded genuinely puzzled.

“You form pictures, you create charts, you correlate data and display it. That’s a form of art.”

“But that art has a purpose, it's to display information.”

“And so does all art, it can be pretty, it can be ugly, you might not understand it, but it will still make you feel something. That’s it’s purpose.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“People like to see pretty things, they make them feel better when they feel bad. Pictures can remind them of good things, paintings of people they love make them smile, pictures of places they have been to bring back memories of good things.”

“Why do you draw when you could just take a photograph? Drawings and paintings are not accurate, they are filled with inaccuracies.”

“Because some things can’t be captured with a photograph, they may not exist anywhere but in your own mind.”

“I cannot picture something that I have no reference for. If it does not exist it cannot be pictured.”

“Of course it can, things can't be simplified to if they can be referenced or not, you can paint emotions, you can play feelings, you can bake love. If what you are making makes you feel, or when you look at something, hear something, taste something or smell something, it can trigger emotions within you.”

“I’m not sure I understand, because I cannot feel.”

“Of course you can, you feel love, friendship, loneliness, you feel a lot and you’re learning more every day,” John assured her.

“But they are not art, I cannot picture those things,” EOS argued.

“I’ll show you what I mean,” Virgil assured her.

Virgil turned to a fresh sheet of paper and picked up his pencil.

“It’s human nature to create faces and pictures of things that we cannot see but that we interact with,” Virgil continued, his pencil flying over the page. “How do you two picture EOS?”

“I see her as a small girl, not too young because they are annoying,” I started, ignoring John’s snort of amusement, I can’t help it if I’m not a kiddy person. “Maybe around ten, eleven years old, a tween that can swing between moody and loving in an instant.”

“Accurate,” John agreed.

“I picture her with hair down to her shoulders maybe, sometimes in pigtails if she’s in a bratty mood.”

“I’m never bratty,” EOS argued petulantly.

"I beg to differ," John whispered to me.

“I see her hair as maybe a strawberry blonde, maybe somewhere between John and Gordon’s hair colour,” I continued, getting into my stride. Having had no part of her creation and no understanding of how code or computers of any kind worked all I had been able to do was assign her a face so I knew who I was talking to. Virgil was right, us humans always had to put a face to a voice. If we heard someone on the radio we would get an impression of who the voice could belong to, what the person speaking would look like and I had done exactly that.

“I’ve never really thought about it before, but I think she’d have green eyes,” John added, his eyes closed as if he were picturing her in his mind.

“With a cute little nose and a smattering of freckles just like Alan has,” I added.

“I sound quite pleasant,” EOS said thoughtfully.

“What clothes would you choose?” Virgil asked, still sketching.

“Since I live in Thunderbird Five, if I had a body to clothe I would need a suit like John’s.”

“Makes sense,” Virgil agreed, frowning slightly as he concentrated on his work.

“I think I would like a hairband like Kayo has,” EOS mused.

“Hairband, got it,” Virgil answered her, pencil moving back and forth in soft strokes a few more times. “OK, finished.” He turned his pad around for us to see.

“Oh, she’s adorable!” I squeaked. “She’s just how I pictured her.”

“She’s very cute,” John smiled. “Can I keep that?”

“Sure, I’ll colour it later for you.” Virgil turned the pad for EOS to see. “That’s you, EOS.”

“That’s me?”

“Well, it’s how we picture you. See, your body doesn’t exist, this face doesn’t exist, but it’s still in our heads. It’s how we see you and when we look at this, we feel happy and we feel love, because it’s you. Do you understand art now?”

“Yes,” her tone had changed from thoughtful to confident. “Yes I think I do.”

[bifuriouswaterbender]

Harry Potter Fanfic Recommendations about Trans Characters

I will not pretend to be an expert by any means when I am cis, but I’ve come across plenty of stories with trans characters in the past and wanted to not only re-find them but also discover more. Here is a far-from-comprehensive list of links sorted by which character is trans. Some of these stories have more than one, in which case I deferred to the protagonist. 

I intend to keep adding to this as I discover more, so if anyone has specific recommendations, please send them my way! I only have ten listed thus far, but I wanted to get the list out there.

Harry Potter

the girl who lived (again) - Features Harry/Ginny. 10,330 words. Rated G.

Molly tried her best. When Harry had told them, Arthur had asked excitedly, "is this a Muggle thing?" Hermione had hurried out a "no!" and a frantic history of gender diversity in the wizarding world.

"It's just that I'm a girl," Harry had said, and Arthur had nodded and asked her about how telephone booths worked. He would call her by the right pronouns until the day he died at the respectable old age of one hundred and thirty three, and he would make it seem easy.

But Molly had to try. Hermione explained things faster and higher-pitched every time Molly messed up a pronoun. Molly frowned and muttered and put extra potatoes on Harry's plate at breakfast. Harry slept in Ron's room, which didn't bother either of them but which made Hermione scowl.

Harry got boxes of sweets and warm hugs, as Molly chewed things over. For her fifteenth Christmas, the Weasley sweater she would receive would be a bright, friendly, terrible pink.

The next time Harry visited, Molly put her on Ginny's floor to sleep-- for some definition of sleep that involved Hermione hissing threats at three in the morning if Harry and Ginny didn't "shut up about Wronski feints, do you know what time it is."

My note: This story is actually a re-imagining of her whole book story. Her name is considered at one point, but she decides to keep using Harry because she feels it fits her. It also includes references to other trans and gender fluid characters.

Draco Malfoy

The Only True Goal of the Universe - Features Harry/Draco and background Hermione/Ron, Seamus/Dean. 22,753 words. Rated E.

It comes up, as most juvenile things do, in a game of Truth or Dare.

Shenanigans - Features Harry/Draco and background Hermione/Ron. 4823 words. Rated E.

Of course Draco’s orgasm hits him right as Potter does the one thing he’s not supposed to do. Of fucking course.

Or, the blood curse lingering over the Malfoys has landed on Draco, and he’s doomed to get knocked up by the first cock that gets inside his cunt. Just his luck that cock ends up being Harry Potter’s.

Hand-in-Hand and Handkerchief - Features Draco/Astoria. 3008 words. Rated G

Draco Malfoy is not generally sympathetic to the sight of tears, but when he stumbles upon a second year Slytherin sniffling in the rose garden during the Yule Ball, for once he manages not to be a complete arse. Astoria is just glad that he had a handkerchief in his pocket because she forgot hers.

My Note: This includes three trans characters, including a happy adult example. It also has mention of a really cool magical potion idea for transition that the author has provided a free-for-use explanation of here.

Sirius Black

Discards - Features Remus/Sirius, James/Lily. 76,032 words. Rated M. Modern non-magical AU.

When 21-year-old assistant librarian Sirius spots a cute hipster college student at the Seattle Public Library, he just needs to figure out a subtle way of determining whether he's into guys. But Remus's life is more complicated than Sirius knows.

My note:  Tons of diversity within this cast with no white main characters and many different sexualities mentioned. Also sex positive with great commentary about homelessness, HIV, sex work, classism, and more. 

Live Like We’re Renegates - Remus/Sirius and background Lily/James. 24,378 words. Rated E.

Exuberant, proud, genderfluid, cheerleader, self-described narcissist. All things to describe Sirius Black. It's a stark contrast from the self-imposed loner, Journalist, and Gender Studies major Remus Lupin who is thrown into Sirius' world after accepting a project for a class. When the two worlds collide, both lives are changed for the better.

Sirius leant forward a bit, meeting Remus’ eyes. “Are you asking if I go for cute boys in beanies and jumpers, Remus Lupin?”

Remus’ face went hot. “Er. No. I mean…er…”

Sirius laughed. “Find your chill, love. I’m joking.” He winked at Remus and sat back again.

My note: Sirius is genderfluid and uses He/Him pronouns. Remus is deaf with a cochlear implant.

Lay Your Hands on Me -Features Remus/Sirius and background Lily/James. 8947 words. Rated E.

In which Sirius really likes trying out new hairstyles over the years and Remus really can't concentrate on much else, to be honest. This fic features reckless and impulsive teenage boys, classic Marauders-style banter, a low-key overdramatic Remus, and falling in love with close friends.

Or, alternatively: Three times Remus really wanted to touch Sirius' hair and one time he actually did.

Remus Lupin

TransFigured (and continued series) - Features Remus/Sirius. 57,170. Rated E.

“We thought you might be a werewolf," said Sirius. "What?" Remus almost laughed at the absurdity. "Last year. James and I thought — but the dates didn’t quite match up. With the full moons, I mean." "Well, I’m not." "I know. All I meant was, we thought you might be, and we still wanted to be friends. Whatever you’re not telling us — how much worse can it be?"

All Hail the Outlaws - Features Remus/Sirius and background Lily/James, Peter/Dorcas. 29,330 words. Rated E.

One of Remus Lupin's three jobs happens to be working maintenance for their flat building. He gets to meet all sorts, most of whom he would rather have nothing to do with. Until James Potter and Sirius Black move in across the hall. Engineering students and self-proclaimed geniuses, the pair set out to make their neighbours new best friends, and everyone's life is turned upside down, but in the best way possible.

My note: Sirius is blind, and the fic spends a lot of focus on each man’s experiences with bigotry and learning how to best be there for each other.

Succession of Halos - Features Remus/Sirius and background Lily/James. 7340 words. Rated E

When Remus gets talked into seeing his favourite author--Astronomy Professor S. Black--hold a stargazing lecture, he anticipates a stodgy old man in tweed. He does not expect the ripped jeans and rolling-stones t-shirt wearing, motor-bike riding Sirius Black with his wicked smile and passion for the stars. Remus is sure there's no chance between them, but little does he know, Sirius has a passion for many things in life, one of which being Remus Lupin.

My note: I have this listed under Remus, but Sirius is also genderfluid. Baby Harry is featured in the story, and is blind.

Child Characters

‘Twas Brillig - Features Harry/Draco with failed Harry/Ginny. 73,998 words. Rated E.

Harry reads a chapter of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland to his children before bed every night and through the story, he and his middle child find an ally in each other as they, along with Alice, discover a world that just doesn't seem to make sense when taken at face value. The more aware Harry becomes - embracing his child's reality - the more motivated he is to build a wizarding world that is fully inclusive, and by processing these life lessons finds he's able to connect with another person in ways that have always eluded him.

My Note: There are two trans characters in this story, one being Al (who begins using Alice with Al still as a nickname) and another being an adult I’ll leave unnamed because it comes up organically. This story is as much if not more so about Harry’s sexuality, and there is also strong representation of drag and crossdressing from a cis male character.

Miscellaneous

When The Letter Comes by Sara Fox - A published short story that seems definitely inspired by Harry Potter but also by other fantasy works.

Henry believes that someday, something awesome will happen–everything will turn out all right and all her problems will disappear once her letter arrives, welcoming her to magic school. So even though puberty is already here with changes (like her voice deepening and hair growing in places she does not want), she also knows it’s only a matter of time. After all, hundreds of books have said so.

But when the letter finally comes on Henry’s thirteenth birthday, it is not addressed to her, but to her sister.

When The Letter Comes is a short story with a YA trans protagonist that embraces the experience of those left behind, who must find their own way in the world–magic or not.

[azure-firecracker]

Here is another fic, this one written for my friend who doesn’t have tumblr (I know you stalk my blog, hi! I love u!) I’m getting an Archive of Our Own (is that what AO3 stands for?) account soon, so this is the last time a fanfic will take up a ton of space.

My friend’s prompt was « Talking about their younger selves with the ship of your choice. » Here it is!

We’re Not So Different After All.

TW: Descriptions of physical and verbal fighting.

Catherine and Anne were fighting again. Jane sighed as she heard their shouts coming from the second floor, echoing loudly above the music and yelling of the bar.

It had been Anne’s idea to to out for a night of dancing, and all of the queens, though some reluctantly, had agreed. It had actually been going better than some of their other nights out. No one was sick or delirious from drinking too much, Jane had managed to get Cathy to strike up a conversation instead of just reading her book, and even the normally self-conscious Kitty seemed to be having fun.

Then, Catherine’s wine went missing. All of the queens tried to get her to brush it off, to tell her that it was probably a stranger who had made a mistake. Angry drunk Catherine was something none of them wanted to face. The problem was that calming Catherine down was infinitely more difficult with Anne smirking and giggling in the corner. Of course Catherine noticed.

Neither of the queens were completely drunk, but both were a bit tipsy, which meant they put no limits on their fighting. No volume control, no awareness of the people around them, nothing.

Eventually, their fight ended up in an upstairs corridor. People popped out of rooms, yelled at them to shut up, and slammed their doors. It didn’t help.

Looking back on it, thought Cathy, she probably should’ve seen this coming. Both queens had been getting along better lately, but they’d both had a hard week. Catherine had had to do extra shows because one of the alternates was out, and during those shows, everything had seemed to go wrong. Anne had had an unusual amount of nightmares that week, even for her. They both needed to air their grievances one last time, and it made sense to do it after a crappy week. Cathy just wished it didn’t have to be so loud.

Upstairs, the first two queens had taken a break from clawing at each other and screaming. Now they were just screaming. Progress, thought Kitty, who had followed them upstairs to make sure no one got hurt. She fully and completely intended to keep an eye on them, no matter what. Or, she had, until she heard Halo by Beyoncé start playing downstairs.

She’d been having such a fun night.

Anna was waving at her.

It was one of her favorite songs.

Just one song.

How much trouble could it be?

« See?! » screamed Anne, still a tiny bit tipsy. « My cousin ran away from you! That’s how much you suck! »

« You sound like a drunk stupid person! » shouted Catherine, also a tiny bit tipsy.

« You are a drunk stupid person! »

« You’re a stupid person, period! »

« You’re more stupid! »

« You took my drink! »

« You took my life! »

« You took my husband! »

« You took my sanity! »

« You took mine first! »

Anne glared at Catherine with wildness in her eyes. Catherine glared back.

They lunged at each other and slammed into a wall. Anne grabbed Catherine and pushed her into the elevator. The second she got to the next floor, Catherine shoved Anne down the stairs. Anne pulled her down with her. Eager to start again, only to be faced with an angry mob of pub guests.

« SHUT UP! » yelled a woman in the front.

« We can’t sleep! » shouted a little boy in the back.

« Get out! »

« Be quiet! »

« We’re filing a noise complaint! »

Before the queens knew it, they were out on the roof, the door was locked, and neither of them could get any cell phone reception.

Ten minutes later, Anne slumped against the door.

« I’m cold. »

« Of course you’re cold, Anne. It’s the middle of winter! »

« You’re supposed to give me your coat when I say that! »

« But we’re not dating. »

« So what? »

« I’m not even wearing a coat. »

« Then give me your clothes. All of them. »

« I am not stripping for you on a roof! »

« How about when we get home? »

« Anne! »

« Okay, okay. I’m bored. Let’s play a game. »

Catherine looked at Anne warily. Anne looked back at her with pleading puppy dog eyes.

« Fine. »

So they sat shoulder to shoulder with their backs to the door, hoping a little bit of warmth would seep through the cracks.

« Never have I ever flirted with someone to manipulate them, » said Catherine a little later. Anne paused.

« Well, do you mean in a big way or in a little way. Like, does it have to be to take over a kingdom or something like that, or do you mean, like, to get free food? »

« Any of it! »

Anne put down a finger with a smirk on her face.

« Never have I ever been fluent in French. »

« That is not allowed! »

« There’s nothing that says that! »

« Me! I’m saying that! »

« Did you invent this game? »

« Fiiiiine, » Anne put another finger down, « but this isn’t fair! You have all 10 fingers left, and I only have 5! »

« Alright, you can have an extra turn, but only because it’ll make you stop whining. »

« Never have I ever been fluent in Spanish. »

« You can’t do that. »

« You literally just did the same thing. »

« Fine. »

« Never have I ever been married to multiple people in my life. »

« So unfair. »

« Put down a finger. »

« Alright! »

« I’m cold. »

« I know. So am I. »

« I think I have hypothermia. »

« That’s impossible. We haven’t been out here long enough. »

« You look very pale. »

« I don’t have hypothermia, Anne. »

« Are you sure? »

« No. »

« Me neither. »

« Let’s keep talking. You can distract me. »

Anne paused. « How distracted do you want to be? »

« Very. »

« Okay, » Anne paused once more, « never have I ever had nightmares about my childhood. »

« Yes you have. »

« Doesn’t matter. »

« Why? »

« Because that’s not the point. The point is that you put down a finger. »

Anothe pause. Then, « how did you know? »

« When I was your lady in waiting, I noticed that you never wanted to talk about your childhood. I was nosy, so when you went off alone to avoid us, I followed you. I would see you go to sleep. Every time we talked about your childhood, you went to bed and woke up screaming. I’ve been wanting to ask you about it ever since we got back, but I haven’t found the right time. »

Catherine started at Anne, shocked. « I never knew you both this much. »

«  I want to know the rest, » said Anne, all fun and games gone from her face. « Tell me about growing up. »

Catherine smirked. « What’s in it for me? »

« You lose your burden. I tell you my story, and you take on some of mine instead. »

« What if I’m not ready? »

« Then I go first. When I was little, I was a wild child. I broke all of the rules, asked all of the wrong questions, and annoyed the shit out of everybody. They decided to send me to court in France. I actually liked it there, because the people understood me. It was the first time that being smart and a girl was okay. But when my family care back, they were horrified. Instead of letting me stay, they decided to throw me at the king. Even then, they refused to speak to me. Because, »Anne gulped, tears starting to fill her eyes, « there was always something so wrong with me that not even those related to me could love me. »

This wasn’t the first time Catherine had heard stories about the Boleyn family. Kitty had said similar things, and it was common knowledge that both the beheaded cousins had had hard childhoods, but Anne had always seemed so confident when she talked about growing up that everybody had assumed she didn’t care. Now, looking at the second queen, Catherine didn’t know if she’d ever seen her this vulnerable. She looked unstable, like what she heard next would determine her worth for all of eternity. Catherine wasn’t sure what to say.

« For what it’s worth, I bet you were a very cute child. »

« I was a nightmare. »

« Why? »

« Parents are supposed to love you unconditionally. Mine didn’t. I must’ve done something wrong. »

« Has it ever occurred to you that the problem might be them? »

« Well, Henry did the same thing, so no. »

« Henry’s a dick. »

« Doesn’t matter. »

« What if I told you that that also happened to me? »

« I’d have to hear more to believe it. »

« Fine, I guess it’s my turn. » Catherine took a deep breath. « Ever since I was born, I was bred to be the next queen of England. I was raised on English customs, not my own. I learned to be quiet, polite, meek, and submissive. The trouble was, I wasn’t. I was too loud, to agressive, too talkative. I spent too much time sneaking off and playing with swords. My parents found out. » Catherine gulped. « They were warriors, both of them. I’ve never seen anything scarier than them when they were angry. I never forgot the sounds of their shouts. When I turned 15, they were all too happy to get rid of me, but I never stopped wondering how I’d been so awful as to get them to shout so loudly. »

Catherine was surprised to see Anne grinning at her

« What? »

« Catherine of Aragon, you were a wild child! »

« I was not! »

« Oh, you absolutely were! »

« I was a bad child, not a wild one. I’m still bad. »

Anne’s smile broke and she stared intently at Catherine, face filled with worry.

« Still too loud, too bossy... »

Anne looked more serious than Catherine had ever seen her, even when she was comforting Kitty.

« Well, Catherine, we were both unruly children. So if you’re bad, than so am I. »

« But you aren’t! »

« Then neither are you. »

There was a pause, then Catherine broke into a small smile. « We’re not so different, are we? »

Anne smiled back at her. « It’s nice to know I’m not the only one. »

« I still think you were a very cute child. »

« How would you know? »

« Well, you’re a very cute adult. »

Anne’s mouth dropped open as she stared at the Spanish queen. « Catherine of Aragon, are you flirting with me? »

Catherine turned bright red. « What? No! I was only... »

Anne could see how uncomfortable she was, so she decided to change the subject.

« Want to finish the game? »

« Yes. »

They played for a little while longer, but Anne could tell something was off with Catherine. She was glad she’d been able to help lighten her burden, but she also had a feeling there was something else Catherine wanted tonight, something she might’ve never had before. Anne knew she hadn’t. So she took a leap of faith.

« Never have I ever kissed someone and really liked it. »

Catherine looked at her in surprise. « Not even Henry? »

« Not even Henry. I was too busy trying to please my family, and by the time I stopped, he was planning my execution. »

« What about other times? »

« Other times? »

« Making out in bars, people you kiss after three dates, like that. »

« It’s empty. I enjoy it, but it also drains me. I end up worse off than when I started. »

There was another pause, what felt like the millionth that night. Then, « so you’ve never had any really good kisses, then? »

« I suppose not. »

Catherine looked up and stared right into Anne’s eyes. The green of her eyes reflected the moonlight and made the first queen feel like she was staring at two jewels.

« I guess we’ll have to fix that, won’t we? »

Anne looked back at Catherine. Her eyes were like melting pools of chocolate, warm and welcoming and safe. Anne had never seen anything to beautiful. Little did she know that Catherine was thinking the exact same thing.

« I guess we will. »

[wordstrings]

Inbox dump 

(brace yourselves, I’m including the timestamps because these have been sitting forever and you may literally forget ever having sent one of these because they’re from so long ago 😬)

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Anonymous said: March 11th 2014 *Clears throat* Non-canon verse, uni AU probably *strums guitar and takes a deep breath* DUEEEEE TO A COMPUTING errORRR, dean and gabe are stuck as roomatesssssssss, whilesamandcascanbestucktogethertoo that'snotaneccesitybutitwouldbegreaaaaaaaaattttttttt, and veeery soon it turns into something of a friendship BUT THEEEENNNN dean fights with saaAAAM and gabe is like "dude stop being so upset" aND FLUFF HAPPEeeeeeEEEEEEeens! *stands up and bows* tyvm for accepting debriel though like omg <3

I’ve been rewatching some of Supernatural seasons 5 and 6 this past weekend, and it reminded me how much I love and miss Gabriel. I still maintain that Debriel is a super-underrated ship. The manic-chaos potential is *muah*. (see: #Debriel)

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Anonymous said: August 7th 2018 psst... light back tickles while cuddling in bed are pure™ and wholesome™

Good shit good shit good shit

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Anonymous said: September 19th 2018 I love science and go to public seminars as often as I can. I walked in to the most recent one (which I had picked at random), and it was on the science of tickling. There were demonstrations. There were hand gestures and finger wiggling. There were in depth descriptions of the anatomy and physiology behind ticklish spots. It was legitimately your Amateur Production’s fic, and I was Kevin. Worst of all it was 2 hours long. I think I died during it and my soul was sucked into hell.

Uhhhhhh where can I get a copy of the slide deck?? Asking for a friend. (see: #series: Amateur Production)

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Anonymous said: September 23rd 2018 your art skills have me shook in the best possible way

aaaahh thank you! Fun fact: I went to art school and even took illustration as a concentration area but I’ve hardly drawn anything for like ten years. When I do draw, it’s usually because there are feelings that I don’t wanna do words about. (see: #strings does art)

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Halo!anon said: September 27th 2018 A small, sinful part of Castiel had the urge to gloat. It was somewhat dampened by the fact that Dean was still under the impression that being abducted is peak romance."I can't believe you went out of your way to set up our second date!" He'd squealed, as Castiel tightened his restraints. - little excerpt of a sequel to Date Nights with Demons i had planned for months but abandoned. halo!anon

Your demented version of Demon!Dean is so entertaining 😄 (see: Date Nights with Demons)

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Anonymous said: November 6th 2018 Aaaaah your Gabriel / Kali drabble was adorable, I can't help but love seeing our mighty archangel reduced to a mass of giggles, and you write Gabriel so so well <3. I love your writing your stories always brighten my day ^^

It’s so rare for him to let his guard down, isn’t it? But when he does, he has a grand old time of it. :) (see: this drabble)

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sarah-lou-who said: November 8th 2018 1/4 Boo! The ghost of my online presence in the community is peeking its head in because I need help. I don’t have a platform or following to sound an alarm, so I’m using my platonic tumblr wife’s platform and following for me, because that’s what platonic tumblr wives do. Right? Anyway, I’m very actively fixated on Attack on Titan atm. You know this very well. You also know my predicament. I seem to have exhausted the entire supply of tickly AoT content I’m interested in that exists currently. 2/4 So, if you’re willing to publish these for me, I’m crying out into the vast TFB lands hoping that there’s someone out there to answer the call. I am in desperate need of tickly AoT content. I don’t know if anyone around here writes for it much these days. I haven’t found anyone. And I know beggars can’t be choosers, but it can’t be helped; I really only care if Eren is involved. Even better would be Levi, but I haven’t found ANYTHING involving him, so I feel like asking for that is futile. 3/4 I digress. Even after all this time I can’t keep my asks less than 50 parts long. So my goal here is that someone, somewhere, will by chance come across these, and be able and willing to either write fic of the tickly variety for Eren and/or Levi from Attack on Titan, or direct me to someone who can, if they know a person who knows a person who knows a person. (Sidenote, hi anyone who still remembers me! It’s Sarah, the more ticklish half of Leerah. I’m doing good and I miss you!) 4/4 (I hope you’re all doing well!) Thank you for letting me take advantage of your devoted followers, Strings! Love yaaa!!!

Ah, my platonic tumblr wife Sarah returns! (Digitally, anyway. Reality-wise, we hang out all the time and it’s probably very rude of me to have not published this ask for so long!) I keep teasing her that she has a Type, and that is dark-haired sulky badass who’d probably make a wicked ‘ler – AoT Levi, SPN Cas, FMA Roy, etc. So anyway, if anyone knows of somewhere I can point her to find the content she’s (still) craving, lmk!

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Anonymous said: October 23rd 2019 I’m sorry if this is invasive in any way, but how is Sarah doing? I’ve been absent from Tumblr for a couple years and I see that her blog is now deactivated. I was just wondering if she’s doing alright and if she’s still around here on a different blog maybe?

See above! She doesn’t have a TFB community blog anymore, but she’s doing well. We’re quarantine buddies and helping each other out a lot. Very kind of you to ask! <3

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Anonymous said: December 2nd 2018 Hi, sorry to bother you but do you know what happened to prodigal-anon’s blog? It seems to have been deleted. Sorry again if you’ve been asked this before

No worries, friend! Here’s an answer for you!

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Anonymous said: December 13th 2018 I LOVE THE LOOPY SERIES! I love it so much, is there any chance you’ll be doing a part four? I’d give anything to see Cas and Dean tickle each other, it would be so cute 😍

Despite all evidence to the contrary, I haven’t entirely stopped writing... and Loopy 4 is one of those unfinished pieces that has seen a few additions lately. :) I’ve learned not to make promises about when something might get finished and posted, but I genuinely do believe this may be one of the first things that shows up once I’m ‘back in the game.’ Stay tuned... (see: #series: Loopy)

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Anonymous said: January 1st 2019 No no no you can't just stop there! I need more fluffy destiel with tickles and kissing! Pretty please?

I believe this is in response to Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight. Don’t you worry, anon – Dean and Cas are not done being fluffy on this blog!

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1832wasalongtimeago said: January 25th 2019 Hi I just wanted to pop in and say the Maintenance series is amazing!! The second part was doing things to my poor heart I’ve read it like 5 times already. You’re such an amazing writer and thank you fo writing for us!

I’m very flattered, but I can’t take credit for the Of Maintenance series – that’s the lovely work of ask-flip-frost! It does things to my poor heart, too, so you’re in good company. :)

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Anonymous said: January 26th 2019 Sam Winchester can take a lot of things. The one thing he CAN'T take? Someone using baby talk on him when he's being tickled. He collapses into a puddle of helpless giggles faster than a house of cards in a stiff wind.

Precious Sammy just needs to laugh and be held, doesn’t he? <3

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Anonymous said: May 17th 2019 Thor needs tickles. So. Damn. Much.

Oh this was from right after Endgame came out. Thor did make me feel some sads there. :( Poor bab.

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Anonymous said: July 25th 2019 hi! i’ve read your wonderful fics forever but i’ve never really sent anything like this before so i don’t really know what to say.. but i had a destiel tickly thought and really wanted to share it with somebody, so here goes i guess- dean is taking too long in the shower so cas decides to use his mojo from the other room to speed things along. and listens to dean’s echoey laughs through the door. that’s all. sorry if this is weird! okay bye have a good one

This is not weird and I may have delayed in telling you any of my feelings about it but I definitely have a doc somewhere that has some vague notes about how I’d like to write this because I like it!

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Anonymous said: August 6th 2019 Anhhgff your Good Omens tword fics are so cute snvfddf i never knew I needed that of my favorite husbands till now😳😍

I know, right?! They’re just dying to be dropped into every fluffy situation. (see: #Good Omens)

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Anonymous said: July 25th 2019 Poking my head in to say hello, hope you’re doing well still! I just got into Good Omens and I absolutely loved your fic! (I watched the show first because my book was taking too long in the mail lol) Also, the other week I somehow talked myself into making a tfb blog, after all these years of almost doing so before chickening out (this ask isn’t from it because I just hopped in here briefly in a private phone browser to say hi, it’s literally just august-anon though) ~August!Anon

August!anon, I’m always so happy to see you stop by! Tagging your (not-so-new anymore) blog so everyone can check you out: @august-anon​

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hey-teenblog said: August 4th 2019 I love your fanfiction very much! They give me a lot of pleasant emotions. And most importantly, they, saturated with tenderness and love, gave me to accept myself as lee!! sorry for my english, i'm russian Love you 😘❤️

I will never tire of hearing things like this! Thank you for telling me. “Saturated with tenderness and love” is a such wonderful compliment about my writing – thank you very much! No need to apologize for language differences; I’m always impressed with anyone who manages to pick up English because it’s bonkers. 

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Anonymous said: August 23rd 2019 Hi! Just found this blog and wondering some basic info. ** What fandoms do toy write for? ** Do you accept prompts? ** Do you write reader insert fics? Thank you lovley ❤️

Anonymous said: August 29th 2019 Do you write tickle fics for bnha?? Asking for a friend 👀👀

The only fandoms I have reliably been able to write for are Supernatural and Good Omens – but even Good Omens is a rookie player here. Supernatural is my main jam, and Destiel is my favorite flavor. I don’t do reader inserts, but I’m always “accepting” prompts. I just haven’t written many of them for quite a long time now, so you’re welcome to drop them as long as you’re okay with them collecting dust. (see: this selfsame post)

My About/FAQ page is very dusty right now, too, but there might be some useful tidbits in there for you.

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Anonymous said: November 12th 2019 okayokayokay. Have you watched Lucifer? It's on netflix, it's great, so much emotions and pining. (Also, y'know, reg. Luci stuff. He runs a club. Bad jokes. It's great.)

I haven’t, but it’s on my Netflix watchlist, so I’ll get there eventually! I saw a gifset once where he actually did the thing I see in winged fanfic all the time, where there was gunfire and he sheltered someone he cared about with his manifested wings. And honestly, that was the deciding factor for me.

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Anonymous said: November 16th 2019 Oh Man U listen to Critrole as well! Nice! Campaign 1 was awesome but also heartfelt and really gut-punching at points. Who is your fav so far, anyone you aren’t fond of? (& Out of interest do you have any tickle related thoughts on the main crew or upcoming Fics we can look out for? As you said it’s tumbleweeds out here for this fandom’s tickles and I’ll take anything really 😂!) Hope u enjoy!!!!!

It’s STILL tumbleweeds out here and it’s making me crazy! My heart belongs to Vax primarily, Percy secondarily. I don’t really have cohesive thoughts or headcanons about anything, unfortunately. I do have this one mental picture that keeps coming up that I keep wanting to see art of (who knows, maybe I’ll commission somebody someday?) – of ridiculous brute Grog just lifting Vax straight up in his arms and gettin’ wiggly with his fingers while all Vax can do is laugh and pry and kick while absolutely nobody helps him.

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Regarding #series: Accessor:

Anonymous said: August 31st 2015 I would like to see accessor!verse cas using feathers on Dean!!! and NIBBLES and RASPBERRIES and TEETH and TONGUE and WOWWWWWW

ME TOO, FRIEND. It’s been aaaaages since I published anything new for the Accessor AU, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been going back to my unfinished docs every once in a while to add a few lines here and there. ;) 

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Anonymous said: October 29th 2016 Prompt: Cas is put in charge of getting a treaty with a neighboring country that shares a lot of the same customs, including Accessories, with certain... twists (think Bracelets AU) and treats their personal slaves (like Accessories) like people (listening to opinions, giving proper care, etc.). The foreign diplomats keep bringing that up and talking to Dean. Cas isn't sure he can make it though the diplomatic proceedings. Also, he might be having improper thoughts about that custom and Dean...

I’m posting this here, but I’m definitely keeping this filed elsewhere because it’s FANTASTIC.

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Halo!anon submitted: June 4th 2018 I can’t help but imagine how tickling must play a part in other aspects of society in the accessor ‘verse, besides the sessions between master and accessory. So here’s some imagines and headcanons, with a touch of worldbuilding. (Warnings, besides the usual for this AU: death mention, reference to past trauma.)

- Among the high class, during parties and other celebrations, it’s seen as a common courtesy to string up one’s personal accessory in the center of the room and let the guests entertain themselves with them. Lord Castiel never does this with Dean, much to his fellow nobles’ disappointment; the mere suggestion had Dean quaking as things he’d rather forget came back to bite him.

- Every so often, a petty criminal(the poor man’s accessory, if you will) is placed in stocks in a small town’s square and left at the mercy of the very people they used to menace. What happens next usually involves honey, some sheep, and plenty of begging. A guard stands by to warn people, “No hurting, only tickling. Everyone please wait your turn, they’re not going anywhere any time soon.”

- Certain monastic healers perform tickle therapy as a treatment for anxiety, stress, and other “diseases of the soul”, as they call them. Balthazar himself proposed the idea, because of course he did. The rich usually indulge in this kind of therapy secretly, due to its undignified nature. Some contemplate the possibility of training accessories to tickle in the future, but it’s still a big taboo.

- Every town has a folktale about a tickle monster. Curiously, many of them involve controlling plants and attacking through dreams. The southern communities still have a giggle remembering that one time six years ago when Michael offered to hunt down one such monster and came back with Crowley, a sleazy drunkard with a fetish and a dream, sitting in a cage and wearing a mask.

- The Masters sisters, Lillith, Meg and Ruby, have a long history with law enforcement. Their favorite pastime is snatching unlucky merchants off the roads and tickling them into coughing up everything they have. Everyone is sure they had a hand in Fergus"Crowley" Macleod’s untimely demise by ferocious attack hounds, but they’re very good at covering their tracks. They’ll help you cover up your tracks too, if you’re a friend- ask Bela Talbot.

I might make a second part if I get any more ideas. I hope you enjoyed this! -Halo!anon.

I am very fond of you indeed, Halo!anon. These are so creative!

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hypahticklish submitted: July 24th 2018 Accessor!Ideas:

~ Gabriel leads a furious rant regarding Prince Lucifer/Sam to Castiel, relating back to perhaps dealings he has directly had with the Prince between their two unstable-yet-truced Kingdoms. Castiel relates with similar views shared by Gehenna’s councilor(s).

~ Dean and Sam BM where the audience learns more about their homevillage. Dean starts it after a rather morose remark from Sam and ends with Sammy smiling and stealing my heart.

~ Balthazar helps Sam in several ways: 1) Learns the Sam was originally a psuedo-Advocates apprentice, as well as herbalist nephew when Sam identifies the components to some salves/medicines he’s making (he had been explaining what he was doing in an attempt to spare himself being attacked like the first couple times) 2) Calls Sam out on being intelligent and making a recklessly stupid choice by selling himself to find Dean. 3) Removes Lucifers mark. And maybe perhaps: 4) Allows Sam to assist in his own healing/medicine making under his careful observation, feigned as needing two sets of hands to do correctly and his assistant was running an errand, to assess his skills. 5) Offer he work in the hospice under him, apprenticing, should Gabriel allow his intelligence not go to waste. It’s not what Sam really wants to do/learn, but it’s better than doing nothing.

~Dean officially thanks Castiel for saving Sam. I’m talking full feels, single man tear sorta thing. And Castiel says “there was never another option” and then its schmoopy sweet with the kisses and the tickles and the Cas saying he loves Dean back!!!!!!!! swoon.

~ Kali!Likes!Sam’s!Spirit! Give me a dinner scene with Gabriel, Kali and Sam where hes holding his own in a diplomatic conversation with them when he nearly crosses a line (maybe something classist? Making it clear that Cas and Gabe are the exception to his experiences) and she says “I like this ones fire. He reminds me of you, my love.” *grabby hands*

~ Prince Lucifer sends a message to Gabriel requesting (threatening) his Helpmate be returned to him for a handsome reward. Sam somehow sees letter and gets spooked because DRAMA. Gabriel responds to Lucifer with the Chief Advocate equivalent of “Fuck Off”

You, my friend. YOU. All these feelings about Sam? Top-notch, and I shall be borrowing them, yes I shall.

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Regarding #android!Cas:

hypahticklish said: January 23rd 2016 Android!Cas deciding today is the DAY. Dean has been teasing him lately that he likes these strange sensations that have him using all his back-up generated power to not accidentally break Dean's bones and challenging him with that cocky smirk and relaxed confidence. Android!Cas practicing during time while Dean rests with holding objects with similar density to the human wrists with enough gentle force that they neither fracture or slip from his grasp. Android!Cas surprising Dean by turning the tables and pinning his wrists over his head while settling himself on Dean's thighs. Android!Cas not necessarily tickling at first so much as just touching like he had been wanting to so as to catalog how his best friend feels with his new technology. Android!Cas feeling that bubble of FEELS in his chest as he listens to Dean swear at him with positive physical actions negating his harsh words, growing more amused as the bubbling giggles begin. I love Android!Cas 

Anonymous said: January 23rd 2016 Android!Cas figures out his own strength comes in handy for more than just retaining himself during tickle fights. When he surprises Dean, Dean tends to squirm and fight back a little (even though he told Cas to get him back as part of the experience), so Cas uses his strength to gently hold Dean down while ticking him. Dean's never been held immobile before so it's a new experience for him, but he ends up liking it. Cas notices how Dean relaxes into his hold after a minute or so. Cas doesn't fail to use this knowledge about Dean, coming up with teasing words and methods of ticking to make Dean all squirmy and giggly, taking special notice of how light tickles effect Dean even more than most other touches, using that specially designed soft brush meant to gently clean Cas' delicate computer chips.

Anonymous said: February 17th 2016 I'm joining in on the Android!Cas thing, if not too late. Perhaps Android!Cas has detachable parts, like a foot, and Dean is a jerk and runs off and hides with it all the while tickling it and making fun of Android!Cas's increasingly desperate attempts to get it back.

Y’all, careful deliberate curious determined ‘ler Cas is LIFE. And, reserved confused helpless adorable ‘lee Cas is also life. Detachable and extensible parts are probably key to both of these things.

---

Regarding current personal circumstances:

Anonymous said: January 14th 2020 I pray that you’re able to find peace during this difficult time. You are loved more than you will ever know. I know it’s hard to believe, but there will come a time that you are thankful for this experience, because it will have turned you into the person you are truly meant to be. Be strong and be hopeful. Keep your faith and keep knowing that you are going to be okay. Don’t let this dark time destroy the magnificent light inside of you. Sending you so much love

Anonymous said: January 17th 2020 I’m so sorry you’re struggling. Hang in there! We’re all here for you!

Anonymous said: February 11th 2020 all my love, thoughts and prayers are going towards you right now. also wanted to just drop a little thank you note in your inbox for all the light and joy i've found in your fics over the years. im sitting half way through my first year at uni currently but ive been a fan of yours since early highschool and i feel like ive almost grown up with your writing and fanfics in a strange way, so thank you so much for that. sending all my love to you once again- you are so strong x

I love you all so much.

[lululawrence]

lululawrence’s February 2019 Fic List

Click here for previous months’ fic lists

It has officially been a year of my making monthly fic lists and I’m so happy I decided to start doing this. I have so much fun sharing what I’ve been reading and how much I’ve enjoyed it. I’m so glad to keep going with it and hope you like it too! This month I continued my catch up on the Tomlinshaw exchange but also started reading a lot of fics I’d been holding out on for awhile. So, without further ado, here are the awesome fics that rocked my world this month!

play the game by @candybarrnerd / icarusinflight This one was sexy and filthy and I just...don’t have much more to say hahahahaha It’s Tomlinshaw and reading it had me pretty much dropped right into Nick’s emotions and I loved it.

Leave Your Mark On Me by @fullonlarrie / FullOnLarrie OMG okay so like. Omega Harry who doesn’t even think he’s interested in alphas quick bonds with Alpha Louis because otherwise he can’t get the job he wants. But there’s a massive twist! And then feelings! And realizations! And pining! And flirting! And it just grows so perfectly and I loved it very much a lot. I can’t even find the right words and I think I finished it a week ago as of writing this little thing but yeah. It’s amazing.

Owner of a Lonely Heart by @shiftylinguini / shiftylinguini It’s a kind of Tomlinshaw rash marriage in vegas kind of fic but also not? There’s so many more feelings to it than something as simple as that. But it’s defo strangers to lovers and honestly the non-cameo Liam makes might very well be my favorite part of it as well as the Neil/Niall fiasco just because it plays out SO PERFECTLY with Nick and Louis. hahahahaha Gosh this fic is hysterical and soft and painful and just so many things. It is a perfect little fic. I love love loved it.

oh, i just want you to come with me by @hiatusniall / weddingbells I’ll be honest hahahaha the bit with the sprinklers had me wanting to cry a little because I was just imagining everything being ruined BUT the bookends were beautiful and the pain and the miscommunication cause, let’s be real, Tomlinshaw would never just have easy and straightforward and good communication. They’d have to fight it out and be stupid boys first, and this really captures that. It was a super fun read, I really enjoyed it!

Come and Get Your Love by @rsadelle / rsadelle A five times Tomlinshaw Fic! Featuring awesome dads Nick and Louis! This was so sweet and soft and cute and there was a twist I wasn’t expecting! And little interludes that just added even more to what was already incredible. It was such a fun read, I adored it.

dead set on a getaway by EmmyLouWho EmmyLouWho strikes again! Seriously, their fics are ALWAYS gold. I don’t know how they do it. This time features Tomlinshaw in a BOOK STORE. OOOOOMMMMGGGGGG!!! And the way it all finally comes together is adorable and perfect. And Gemma is hysterical hehehe Gosh such a fun and fluffy fic.

happiness hits like a train on a track by leighbot New dad Louis meets his neighbors Harry and Liam and Lirry are fucking adorable, okay? And they try to play matchmaker and it all goes horribly wrong and is so funny and yet bad BUT THEN! Nick to the rescue! For real, in the same ways the previous set ups had been all wrong, Nick is so right and I LOVED IT. Also, Louis’ relationship with Penny’s mother is so fucking cute too. I just can’t handle it. I loved this one too.

Say It With Flowers by @reminiscingintherain / reminiscingintherain Back to Larry! For a bit, anyway hahaha Roni took the most hilarious prompt and made Louis so awkward and angry and forthright it was incredible. Meanwhile Harry’s just confused and yet it somehow all comes together and I so so so enjoyed reading this! It was the perfect read after a long day. hehe

The Sleepover by @homosociallyyours / homosociallyyours THIS GIRL DIRECTION FICLET IS THE MOST ADORABLE PERFECTION EVER?! It’s so pure! So soft! So sweet! Gosh I loved it very much a lot.

Charity Ficlets and Tumblr Drabbles by @becomeawendybird / QuickedWeen This collection of ficlets has such gems! Merm Louis, a magical curse au, AND a prompt I gave her that essentially takes Rachmaninoff and Stravinsky in Old Hollywood and makes them Harry and Louis. It’s all AMAZING and I LOVE IT.

One Touch Is Never Enough by @fullonlarrie / FullOnLarrie Werewolf Louis goes to get a massage and things do not go as planned. Gosh I was cackling at this so much, it’s so great. A super funny, super ridiculous read haha

London Rain by @writsgrimmyblog / Writcraft Basically canon compliant Tomlinshaw where Louis wants to finally explore possibilities with boys and takes to online dating to try it. Gosh this fic is such a great read. There was a lot of emotion and parts that made me laugh out loud, it was absolutely fab.

Brave Love by @angelichl / angelichl And they were roommates!!! For real, though. They were. And there’s SO MUCH PINING and omgosh it’s so beautiful and soft and sweet and Harry and Louis are just so precious in this, okay? It’s so so so amazing. A great valentine’s day read.

hold on for one more day by @disgruntledkittenface / disgruntledkittenface This fic had me rolling but also so worried and I might have cried just a little bit, but seriously the Tomlinshaw banter was so great and so were the soft feels! The careful watching after each other and there’s a part where Grimmy is just so worried and scared and Louis is so so so soft and sweet and I’ll leave it at that. so good.

time stopped then sped so fast by sarcasticfluentry I went through the Grouis tag on AO3 and found very few fics. I loved them all, and they’re coming now, hahaha This is...basically Greg James/Louis Tomlinson porn lollll most of them are, tbh. It’s got panties though hehehe and if size difference is a kink for you, then this definitely has that for ya. An oldie but a goodie!

Let me be your good night by @conscious--ramblings / Conscious_ramblings I apparently read this ages ago when it first was published and I don’t remember it which seems impossible I don’t know how that happened?!?! This is Harry/Louis, but they go to a swinger party and Greg and Nick get added into the mix. It’s such a great read, though, because Harry and Louis are exclusive and never really considered adding more into their relationship, but this night changes some things and the way Sheena goes through the emotions of it all is so beautiful. And hot. Like damn hot. So. If that’s your jam, I would defo recommend this one.

sugar, butter, flour by EmmyLouWho After two incredibly smutty fics, have an entirely pure and smut free goodie from emmylouwho! hehe It’s a Nailed It AU and is SO GOOD. It’s so funny the way Harry, Zayn, and Niall are all depicted and the way it all plays out had me giggling the entire way through. A super cute, super fun read.

Like An Anthem In My Heart by @goodmorningtoyouuniverse / GMTYUniverse This fic, y’all. I love footie fics, but I’m also super picky about them because I love footie myself. This one was written so so so well in all aspects, but the football aspects had me screaming in excitement in a football chat. It was sooooo good and it involves a forced outing and how it was all handled and it was so believable and beautiful and the emotions and the relationships and the cameos of real players and people had me flipping out in a good way and I just. It was so great. One of my favs of the month, easily.

Taste Too Good by sarcasticfluentry Okay this one is more PWP basically, but it’s kinda...well, it’s Grouis, but it’s also...Tomlinshames. Is that the ship name for Nick/Greg/Louis? It is now. lol Anyway, this fic was a lovely little read and the switching in POV gave you a little insight on everyone’s feelings and thoughts throughout so yeah. haha

'cause i like it dark and low by sarcasticfluentry What can I say? More filthy, filthy Grouis PWP. lollll But it was good! haha

The Post-War BP by @jaerie / jaerie As per usual, Jenna comes in and just takes A/B/O and makes it an entirely different beast. I have no idea how her brain works, but I’d love to see inside it hahaha This is a fic where it kind of holds to the more traditional omegas stay home, have children, etc but in this world an alpha is required to be a part of the relationship in order for an alpha to have a chance at being produced. Add in a war where alphas were shipped off to fight and not many returned, and suddenly a Breeding Plan is introduced. This fic is somewhat dark, quite twisted in parts, and does involve some unsavory content, so please beware of tags. I ADORED it though.

Tell Me Your Secrets by @dimpled-halo / dimpled_halo This was for the Popularry fest, which I’m doing horribly at keeping up with. It was based on the film For a Good Time Call and I’d never heard of that until I read this, but now I wanna watch it! haha Harry and Louis are pseudo enemies to friends to lovers as they move into an apartment together and start a sex line and It’s...amazing. hahaha Such a great fic!

And that’s it for this month! Happy reading, and don’t forget to leave the authors kudos and nice comments!!

[xhaotixaesthetica]

College! Jaebum x Kinda Mad Genius! Reader

Starlink Intergalactic Navigator 

You are in: a genetic mutation of Gaia, the dwarf planet 

look at this cute ass idiot ugh my heart

so WE’RE GONNA SPICE HIS AU UP A BIT totally not because I’m already sick of the same reader inserts, just enjoy this as a story and don’t complain pls

in this au you’re an astrophysics and computer programming major, minoring in bioengineering

in other words, you’re smart af

like you’re one of those child prodigy kids

Graduated high school early and took a bunch of AP's and CLEP tests so you’re way ahead and somewhere in between a junior and a senior but since you’re so young, you just say you’re a junior

you literally have the IQ of a genius and a bunch of Ivy league schools got in a fight over you but you were like nah nah i want something fUn so you came to SEOUL WOO HOO

you get A's in everything without even trying but that's OK because it leaves more room for you to do more SCIENCE

currently in a polyamorous relationship between you, Math, and Science

you’re really fascinated by the complexity of the universe but at the same time really into physics and math so when you found out that astrophysics existed when you were like 12, you knew that was it for you

you barely have time to eat, much less be fashionable, so you wear pretty nothing but jeans, huge hoodies, Converse, and a super hero t-shirt underneath (same but just because i’m too broke to dress nice)

with good brains comes bad everything else and you’re a hot fucking mess

clumsy, notes scattered all over the place, writing astrophysics shit in the margins of all your papers and doodling constellations on them while the professor lectures, it’s bad

you’re actually kind of extroverted and hyper but you just focus all that energy into astrophysics so everyone thinks you’re a hermit

you’re not obsessed with video games and comic books specifically, you’re just obsessed with space

like Star Wars, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Ender's Game, Prey, Alien, Dead Space, and even Halo, you love em all, cause fuCkinGH spACE MAN same i’m a space gay

you aLwAyS pLaYS THE FUCKIN SPACE OVERTURE ON YOUR PHONE AND WALK IN SLOW MO INTO YOUR APARTMENT AND YOUR ROOMMATE IS LIKE I HAD TO WATCH THAT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES

always writing reminders on yourself but they only help 60% of the time because you’re a hot mess

you can play the harp and the sitar?? the most random ass instruments, you literally have your harp in your bedroom and your sitar in your lab and like they were gifts from one of your cousins and you’re really protective over them

whenever you have a mental block you sit cross-legged and start playing your harp/sitar and chanting OM or the lyrics to We Will Rock You and your roommates are like omg they really are a mad scientist

you don't mind relationships but like no one wants to be with you cause they think you’re kind of fucking insane so you try not to think about it and just blow stuff up in the chem lab

like you’re really excited, you’ll gladly talk to people and you’re really bubbly and happy and friendly but all you talk about is astrophysics??? and you’re not on like level one, no you started reading college level astrophysics books when you were 14, you’re like wayyyy past PhD level so it's like you’re speaking another language

and no one wants to hang out with you like they think it's cute how passionate you are and how fucking just warm and open you are but still no one wants to be around you cause you’re like some sort of mad scientist and they're not interested in what you’re talking about

but you keep a smile on your face and keep to your astrophysics even though you start to think something's wrong with you and start getting kinda sad

aw bby :’(

and tHEN THEY WERE ROOMMATES that's when Jaebum came along

Jaebum is majoring in Ancient Studies and minoring in Greek and he’s Captain of the Football Team

pretty much every male-attracted person likes him but ain't no one going near that boy cause he is T E R R I F Y I N G

wears all black and never says anything and then when you talk to him he just has this resting bitch face on with no expression and everyone's like I’ll I’ljust go now and he just continues reading

he’s always reading with his earbuds in, you bother him it's your funeral

and it's weird cause like he has friends a precious few and ppl know he's not cold with them so why’s he ALWAYS COLD AND APATHETIC TO EVERYONE ELSE LIKE YOU GOOD MATE???

knows he's terrifying and uses it to his advantage

has no problem glaring down people who reach for the same thing at the supermarket or try cutting in front of him at starbuck’s and they near shit themselves

does not give two shits about all the people staring at him all the time as long as they don't talk to him or interrupt his reading

stays at home unless he's at class, practice, or a game

on the Dean’s List, and a massive teacher’s pet

but still, people just like to admire him for his looks and gush about how mysterious he is and that really irks him cause no one wants to actually spend the time to get to know him he’s not even that mysterious, he’s actually a bit of a crackhead so he's like i don't need y'all i have the Gupta Dynasty to keep me company

youngjae and yugyeom rolling their eyes, like HeRe HyUnG GOES AGAIN

knows more about ancient worlds than the current world?? like sometimes mark catches him staring at technology like it's an alien concept and he's like dude you've had a cell phone since you were like 12, when was the last time you had a break from reading that, chill out for a second and come back to modern times

and jb just scoffs like i don't need your modern times and buries his head in the book again but he just wants someone who's able to talk about the present AND the past with him without ignoring one cause he thinks both are really important

anyways one day you were late to an 8am class and you were rushing and dropped some papers and Jaebum came across it and he was like what in ThE HELL IS THIS cause first of all it was almost completely illegible and then when he did manage to read it, he couldn't understand it cause it was real complex math and science shit and he looked at the name and he knew who you were cause you’re the campus genius and the campus crazy

so he hunts you down until he comes across your lab later on in the day and you’re frantically looking through your BILLIONS OF PILES of looseleaf paper and jb's just thinking about how much of a fit jinyoung would have if he saw this tomfoolery

and he handed you your stuff and you were so grateful and friendly and you reminded him of a crazier version of youngjae

he couldn't help but be curious when he saw the really complicated math and science going on on your paper and he was like what's that, how does it work, what's the history

for a full fifteen seconds, you looked at him like he was god incarnate and you like i'M gLaD yOu AsKeD

and you were talking really fast but the way your eyes lit up when you talked about astrophysics and the way the sun from the window illuminated your features jfc

jb didn't believe in love in first sight he swore he didn't

unless it was you

like even if you weren’t conventionally pretty and most people wouldn't even notice you, bummie didn’t care, it was like you were the goddamn sun or something

he stops you in the middle of explaining and he's like look you're going a bit too fast, so could you repeat what you said but just a lil bit . . . slower

and for a long moment, you were stunned jungshook because like this boi . . . this devastatingly handsome boy who blows everyone off and makes them wet their pants in fear wants to hear me rant to him about astrophysics

and he actually wants you to slow it down so he can understand instead of just pretending to listen

and like you may be a genius but JB just broke your brain for a second

but then you jump back into it like yeah sure

and jae honestly finds you fucking adorable like how excited you get about astrophysics and he actually finds himself interested in it and then he starts talking about ancient cultures and greek and you already kinda know everything he's talking about and enjoy the conversation and he's all heart eyes

gets protective over you after like 2 days???

you don't care, you’re just happy there's someone who thinks you’re interesting so you don't even notice him glaring at anyone who talks to you and always hanging around you to scare other guys off

tbh bummie doesn't really comprehend why people don't like being around you cause like??? you’re so fucking pretty and cute?? you took all his uwus reader

only takes like 10 days before JB finds out you’re really affectionate and you’re hugging and cuddling all the time but he actually???likes it

and soon he's the one begging you for cuddles and you’re like ( ^_^) ofc babe lemme just finish doing these calculations right quick and JB's like asdfghjkl did they just call me what i think they just called me

but like you guys are always hanging at your lab and since JB doesn't really talk except with you and his friends and you never talk about anything but astrophysics on the off chance she gets back to the dorm in time enough to talk at all no one knows that you guys are even hanging out

it's not long after that jae asks you out and he takes you to an amusement park and you have a FiElD dAy because sooooooo much math? and pretty colors? and cotton candy? and he's made you the happiest person ever and in that moment when he sees your face he just can't help himself like pls be my s/o and you’re like ASDFGHJKL ARE YOU PLAYING WITH ME RIGHT NOW JFC OFC

and he just drops a bomb on his friends like they're all going out to dinner and he brings you and he's got his arm around your waist and he's just like guys meet my s/o and everyone's choking like S/O We ThOuGhT YoU wErE aRo oR sMtHiNG and for a minute they're so confused because no one even knew jaebum was talking to someone much less the mad scientist person when did this happen

and like they can see all throughout dinner that you’re really fucking strange but it's kind of cute and it makes bummie happy so Welcome to the Family, we have cookies

lol friends? nope, say goodbye to those, everyone is so terrified of bummie and his resting bitch face and them muscles that they refuse to come near you cause you’ve basically got Jaebum stamped on your forehead but that's ok because somehow you became really good friends with his friends and like you have this group chat that jae's not in specifically so they can share embarrassing things for you to tease him about later

but bummie highkey encourages it because if he pretends to get mad, you’ll play your harp for him and he loves that shit

jaebum will knock the living daylights out of anyone who mistreats you or makes you feel bad

like one time yall were walking back after a date and this dude grabbed your ass and was about to open his mouth to say some vulgar shit but he didn’t even get the chance before jaebum LEAPED ON HIM LIKE A FUCKING INSECT AND MOWED HIS ASS D O W N

jae had like two scratches on him meanwhile the dude on the floor probably needed a goddamn ambulance and he just took your hand and continued walking like anyways, like i was saying, no one can give me a valid reason why I shouldn’t get a cat

yall will 10/10 adopt a cat together

well it was supposed to be one but yall were weak bitches, so it turned into 3 same

at first yall rotated the cats between y’all’s apartments but then you were both like let’s just fucking move in together omfg

bam bam constantly breaks into your apartment to play with your cats

you come and cheer jae on at his football games

the first time everyone was SHOOK 

for fuck’s sake, you just learned what a touchdown was when you infiltrated a superbowl party for the food sAME, why tf were you even here

but then they saw jae beam at you and they were like omfg, they’re these people

when they win, he runs up and scoops you into his arms and spins you around, pressing a bunch of kisses all over your face and calling ou his good luck charm and you’re screaming at him for hugging you while he’s sweaty and gross even though you’re laughing and kissing him back

when he loses, you and him go to McDonalds after he showers and you just sit at a table eating while he nuzzles his head in your neck and sulks

reader, i highkey advise you to get a couple tats or a body piercing and not tell him

just have your hoodie off one day so he happens to see the tat/piercing and you’ll see his eyes darken and he’s trying to keep calm like

“i didn’t know you had tattoos/piercings”

and he’s looking down at you so intensely he’s almost glaring

“i do, wanna try and find them all?”

you did it

you activated beast mode

whenever jae sees you upset or sad, he’ll just engulf you with his whole body and you can smell his aftershave and feel his warmth while he puts on calming music and tells you greek myths in that smooth, soothing voice

and when you have your head on his chest, half asleep, he’ll just kind of stop for a second because holy fuuck, you’re so gorgeous and you’re his? how did he land you?? he’s the luckiest guy in the world?

and when you look up, wondering why he stopped talking, you see him looking at you with just this really soft, mushy look of complete adoration and before you can even say anything, he’s like i fucking love you

I WAS GONNA WRITE MORE, BUT I GOTTA END IT NOW, I’M FUCKING SOFT HNNNGGH 

Gaia, the dwarf planet 

[biamondpickaxe]

All Hail The Outlaws

Genre: More angst than I intended

Words: 1.8k

Summary: Dan doesn’t understand why some people are so damn homophobic

A/N All of this has basically happened to me so at this point I’m just turning my traumatic coming out experience into a phanfic I’m so sorry.

Contains: Sexuality crisis, swearing, discussions of sex, homophobia, homophobic slurs, anti-vaccination beliefs

Dan didn’t realize what he was saying until the words came out of his mouth.

“I don’t see what the big deal about being gay is.”

His friend, Zakary, paused the game of Halo and looked at Dan with an expression he couldn’t quite read.

“You got something you need to tell me, Howell?” Zakary joked, snickering.

“I’m just saying. Think about it, Zak. Technically, what’s the big difference between fucking a dude and fucking a girl?” Dan made sure to keep his voice down, knowing that Zak’s mom was making dinner downstairs.

“Dudes are fucking gross, man. Girls are hot,” Zak said simply.

“Okay, yeah, but it would feel the same, right? Fucking them, I mean,” Dan continued.

“I’m pretty sure sticking it up a dude’s ass would be different than a girl’s pussy,” Zakary snorted.

“Okay, well then what about blowjobs? Same thing, right?” Dan asked. He didn’t exactly know why he kept pushing the subject, but he figured he should learn to be able to prove his point if his parents wanted him to be a lawyer.

“Do you just let anyone suck you off, Howell? Even if they’re not attractive? Guess that makes sense, though, all fags are sluts. That’s why they all have AIDS,” Zakary said before unpausing the video game and carrying on as if nothing had happened.

“I’m not... I’m not gay,” was all Dan said. He quickly got back into the game as well, not wanting Zak to know how badly his words actually hurt.

Dan swallowed the lump in his throat and fought back the tears that were pressing hard against his eyelids. It was fine.

That night Dan couldn’t sleep. He thought that everyone was attracted to both sexes. Maybe not romantically, but sexually, at least. It just made sense to Dan. It would feel good either way, what was the big fuss about?

Apparently, not everyone felt the way Dan did.

He sighed, turning himself onto his side and curling up into a ball. What did this mean for him?

He wasn’t gay. He knew that much. He couldn’t be gay because he liked girls. But the thought of being with a guy, kissing a guy, holding hands with a guy was just as appealing as doing all of those things with a girl.

After two weeks of fighting with himself and a lot of research, Dan decided that the term bisexual fit him the best.

Now it was just time to tell his parents.

When his parents both got home from work, he approached them in their bedroom where they were watching TV.

“Hey, guys. I need to talk to you,” Dan said, starting out simply. This was good. A good place to start.

His mom turned off the TV, a silent go-ahead for Dan to start talking.

“Well, I’ve been thinking about relationships and things. Love and stuff...” the 16-year-old paused and looked up at his parents with scared, wide brown eyes. They mostly looked confused, so he figured he should get to the point.

Dan swallowed and sighed before speaking again. “Dating a girl... and kissing a girl... that sounds good to me. It feels right. Appealing, I guess.”

Dan chewed on the inside of his cheek before continuing. “But, the thing is... I can also see myself doing all that with a boy. It feels equally as right and appealing. So, I’m not gay, ‘cause I still like girls, but I’m bisexual.”

When Dan said the words, he expected to feel a great weight lifted from him. But he didn’t. He could just feel his heart beating in his chest and adrenaline coursing through his veins as he scanned his parent’s faces.

The anticipation was eating at his insides, rotting them away with acid and Dan wondered if he was going to throw up or pass out or die when his mom finally spoke up.

“Alright. Why don’t you, uh, go to your room and let your father and I talk about this?”

Dan just nodded - he didn’t know what else he could do - and scurried out of the room and into his own. He sighed and flopped down on his bed, the butterflies in his stomach not ceasing their fluttering.

That was easy. Too easy. He could almost feel a static in the air, like the calm before the storm. It made the hair on his arms stand up and he had the urge to flee but he knew he had nowhere to go.

So, he stayed on his bed with his eyes closed as he tried to steady his breathing.

Ten minutes later, Dan’s eyes shot open when he heard yelling coming from his parent’s room.

“No! This is a phase and you know it!” Dan’s dad screamed.

Dan rolled his eyes. This was the kind of thing he read about online when he had researched other people’s coming out stories, but he never actually expected to hear the words from his dad.

Dan sighed. He thought his parents would be okay with this, but he was wrong.

“He’s doing it for attention, why can’t you see that!?” Again, his father’s voice sounded throughout the house. At that moment, Dan was glad his brother was at a friend’s house so he didn’t have to hear all the yelling.

The pit in Dan’s stomach grew as the arguing continued. He was numb. He could hear each and every word that was being screamed and he just let it wash over him, but he knew it would sink in sooner or later.

Dan only let himself go when he heard his parent’s bedroom door slam, and then the front door being slammed. He curled in on himself and cried himself to sleep.

Over the next two years, Dan kept exploring his sexuality. He identified as gay, straight, definitely-not-straight-but-I-don’t-need-a-label before finally landing back on bisexual. It was still the only one that felt truly right to him.

Even though the first time Dan came out was less than perfect, the moment Dan felt like trying out a new label he went to his parents and told them. He always had a close relationship with his parents, and he could talk to them about anything.

Dan didn’t want the topic of his sexual orientation to be taboo just because their initial reaction wasn’t great. Dan wanted to normalize the discussion of LGBT topics because, in reality, it wasn’t anything abnormal.

So, Dan found out that each time he came out to his parents it was easier and they reacted better each time.

It took two years, but eventually, his parents and brother were excited to go to pride with him. Of course, they were still learning and growing, but they were always improving.

Dan was grateful for this. He voiced that one night while on Skype with his new best friend (slash kind-of-boyfriend), Phil.

“I’m grateful for them being willing to change,” Dan said.

“That’s good!” Phil said, smiling at Dan through the shitty webcam.

“It’s just... well, nevermind,” Dan decided. He averted his eyes from the screen of his laptop.

“What is it? You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but I’m here for you, no matter what. You know that. I’m not here to judge,” Phil replied soothingly.

Dan exhaled through his nose. He was grateful for Phil, too. They had only been friends for a few months but it felt like they had known each other for a lifetime.

“Well, as great as my parents are sometimes, with my mom it’s like... I never really know what she thinks of my sexuality. It’s just... it can feel like her acceptance is just a facade,” Dan confessed.

“Why do you say that?” Phil asked.

“About a year after I came out - for the first time - things were going well. Until one day she told me that she thought that people were only gay because the government created vaccines to make them that way. To control the population or something,” Dan explained.

Phil gasped. “Oh my god, Dan.”

“I mean, I’ve always known she was anti-vaccine. I don’t agree with her but those are her beliefs. I just never knew that she thought vaccines had anything to do with LGBT,” Dan said.

“That’s... terrible,” Phil said. It was clear he was still processing everything Dan had just said.

Dan had never told anyone this before, so as soon as he let it out, he couldn’t stop. It was like a portal had been opened and all of these emotions he’d been burying for years with no one to talk to were finally coming out.

“It doesn’t even make sense. Like, I’ve never even been vaccinated up until this year. She wouldn’t let me until I was 18. And even then, there are ways to have biological children so the concept in and of itself is completely illogical,” Dan ranted.

“I know. What she said... it’s not true. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that, Dan,” Phil said.

“‘S fine. But, like, what do you even say to that? Oh, son, I think that a large part of who you are was fabricated in a lab and then injected into you. So I just said ‘oh’ and then went to my room,” Dan paused to take a deep breath. “She says that she doesn’t still think that, but... I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust anything she says again. For an entire year, she let me believe that she was all accepting when really she was thinking this the whole time. She still reads all these anti-vaccine books and... I guess it just hurts.”

“I’m sure it does, baby. Nobody should have to go through all that. Especially someone as amazing and kind and cute as you are,” Phil tried his best to be comforting, but there was really nothing he could do that would heal these deep scars except for simply being there for Dan. He knew it was all he could do, but it still didn’t feel like enough.

“And then, a few weeks ago, she basically implied that gay men deserve to be called faggots. Like, what the fuck? Who says that? Who buys their son rainbow flags and goes with him to pride and then says that? Of all things, why did it have to be that?” Dan felt his throat closing up as he talked. He forced the tears away, though, determined not to cry in front of Phil. He was good at that - not crying.

“Bear, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” Phil said, deeply saddened.

“It’s okay,” Dan sniffed, “just a few more weeks ‘til I get to come visit you, right?”

“That’s right, angel. Just a few more weeks.”

I don’t want to get into an argument with anyone about vaccines. This is just me basically venting about something that happened to me.

Idk if pride and vaccines and all that work the same way in the UK as the US but it’s a fic so just go with it please.

I take prompts/requests! <3

Title from X Ambassadors - Masterlist & AO3

[noescapevg]

“Politics? In MY Video Games? It’s more likely than you think.”

Welcome to No Escape, a video game writing blog by me, Trevor Hultner. I’m a 27-year-old human person on the internet who thinks writing about video games will somehow bring me joy still, in 2019. I should definitely know better, but here I am!

Earlier this week, video game media Twitter started buzzing about an op-ed by Russ Pitts, the Editor-in-Chief over at the “New” Escapist Magazine, which was relaunched late last year. In this op-ed, Pitts took the “branching paths” approach to essay-writing, going down many different avenues of conversation regarding “ethics in games journalism” toward an overall point of... and I quote: 

“To be honest, I don’t know [where this leaves us]. The last time we all tried to have this conversation it … didn’t go well. But the industry, the media, and you all deserve more, and the only way we’ll get there is if we can try again.”

Pitts has taken the old post down (a copy of which you better believe I’ve saved) and put an apology up in its place. He apologizes for potentially instigating remnants of GamerGate to go after their old targets yet again, but... 

I think I’m getting too far ahead of myself. There’s a time and place to critique Pitts’ post and his apology, and that time is coming soon, but why are we here to start with? 

Entertainment is not exempt from politics

There seems to be a widespread belief among people who are not outwardly far-right ideologues that the things we enjoy - music, movies, books, video games - are not inherently political. A book is just a book, a game is just a game, and so on. And these things we enjoy should be convergence points: places where people from everywhere on the socio-cultural-political spectrum can come together and share in the enjoyment. 

The thing is, games - as well as books, movies, music, etc. - are made by people, and people can’t help but be shaped by the world around them. Our influences are most of the time very expressly political, even if we’re not picking up on the messages right away. 

Here’s an example. Destiny and Destiny 2 are two highly popular post-Halo FPS games from Bungie. The franchise’s overarching story is exceedingly simple: You play a reborn and functionally immortal “Guardian” of the remnants of humanity. Your franchise-long mission, given to you by your Ghost, is to defend humanity and something called the Traveler, which is also the source of your new supernatural powers, from the forces of the Darkness. The easiest way to carry out your mission is to defeat hordes of enemies by shooting, punching and superpowering your way to victory. Easy-peasy lemon squeezy. No politics at all, right? 

Well.

As you play the games, and especially the campaign for Destiny 2, you catch glimpses of a heavily-stratified class society, with the essentially-divinely-chosen Guardians on top and mortal humanity below them. The Guardians have built a massive wall around the Last Safe City on Earth with the functional purpose of keeping humanity’s enemies at bay, but we hear from one character how the walls also serve to keep humanity in, essentially forming a prison state. 

Then there’s the moral quandary of your stated mission: kill everything that wants to kill the Light. While there are at least two very evil alien factions in the game (the Vex and the Hive/Taken), two more exist with more ambiguous motives, or at the very least, a much less well-defined alignment with the Darkness. The Fallen (whose actual species is called the Eliksni) and the Cabal are two alien armies the Guardians face off against where our acts of killing them seem more... genocidal than with the former, more markedly “evil” enemies. 

The Eliksni in particular sits in a tragic position: their mission is to simply reclaim the techno- and morphological blessings the Traveler bestowed upon them, and to rebuild their society after their own collapse (known in the lore as The Whirlwind). The Cabal don’t seem super interested in the Traveler, at least not at first, and their incursion on Earth doesn’t actually take place until Dominus Ghaul brings the Red Legion planetside. Why couldn’t we negotiate with them instead of fighting? It’s questionable. 

“Okay, fine, Destiny is political. But not every game has to be!” You might be muttering to yourself. And that’s true! Not every game has to be political. But that doesn’t stop many games from being expressly political, and that doesn’t stop developers from having political views that shape the way they do business, at the very least.

And for that matter, that doesn’t stop the game’s audience from being political, even if they think they’re not. Misogyny, transphobia and homophobia, racism, ableism and other bigotries have expressly political and ideological roots. And I hate to break it to you, but when people who share ideologies group together to collectively organize around those ideologies, a la GamerGate, that’s a definitively political act. When “gamers” decried the gleeful Nazi-punching in the latest Wolfenstein edition, that was a political act. 

There is No Escape

I always find myself at a disadvantage when I decide to start talking about politics, because of the deep ideological gap between myself and my interlocutors most of the time. I’m an anarchist with roots in punk rock music, which has deeply effected the lens in which I view the entire world. I’m used to the idea that everything is political. You might not be. That’s okay. Be open to new possibilities. Just realize that there is no escape. 

I’m starting this blog partly out of spite for folks like Pitts at the Escapist, but also because I think it actually is possible to spark conversations about the nature of ethics in video games as a whole, and that these conversations don’t need to be led by the same tired media voices. By embracing politics the way politics has embraced us, there might actually come a day where people don’t have to rehash the same six tired discussions over and over again.

The image at the top of this post is a screenshot from HBomberguy’s massive Donkey Kong 64 marathon livestream. He raised $340,000 out of spite for transphobic washed up comedy writers, and in the process, got Chelsea Manning and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in the same chatroom for a little bit. He got John Romero to say “Trans Rights” on stream. That’s some wild stuff, and it was absolutely expressly political.

There is no other kind of situation where something like that could happen.

So what is there to do?

Well, that’s a broad question. This blog will examine video games through a political lens, that much is for sure. Ideally, like really “pie in the sky” stuff here, this blog would be a resource for people wanting to know more about issues in the video game industry as a whole and wanting something to “do” about those issues. But as for you? 

Get used to the idea of politics in your games, and get acclimated with the problems facing the people in the industry who aren’t collecting fat checks from their labor. Support efforts to unionize games workers, and support indie devs when you can. Hopefully, over time, we can all be organized for a better games future.

Thanks for reading!

[ferricide]

Review: Final Fantasy XIII

[originally posted: April 11, 2010]  I haven't written a review in a long time. The last review I wrote, in fact, was of Devil May Cry 4, for the Official Xbox Magazine, in 2007. I didn't much like Devil May Cry 4, really. In the way of game journalists of my generation, I gave the game a 7.5 and an even-handed review, because there are things that it did do well. All the same, I was never asked to write another review for the magazine; much later, a staffer told me that someone from management had asked them to stop publishing my work. "Fine! Fuck you, too!" I thought, and then felt a burden lift. I had been reviewing games professionally since 1999 and was tired of it. I have long hinted that I would some day write an expose about what's really wrong with game reviewing, since nobody seems to quite get it right. But by the time I felt ready to do that, I was so bored with the whole business that I couldn't make myself want to. To my surprise, I instead find myself compelled to write a review once again. The game which I will endeavor to review, in a way that I'll make up as I go along, is the most complicated game of 2010: Final Fantasy XIII.  * * * Final Fantasy XIII was announced for the PlayStation 3 in 2006, at Square Enix's E3 press conference. As a long time fan of the series who was confounded by its direction at that time -- the gully between Final Fantasy XI and Final Fantasy XII -- I was eager for both a return to form ("form" as a concept roughly equivalent to "more Final Fantasy X" in my mind) and a justification for Sony's yet-to-be-released next generation system. Well, things change. * * * One thing that will make this review dramatically different to any I have ever written is that I will be considering what I learned by reading others' reviews, talking to other players, and generally trying to synthesize the concept of why this game was made the way it was made, not just whether it's any good. To my mind reviewing games in 2010 the old fashioned way is beside the point; as a journalist I recognize my own obsolescence -- the old tools have been made irrelevant by the power of marketing and the cacophony of the internet. Plus it's boring. That's not to promise that will be a review worth reading. I'm going to try, all the same. Final Fantasy XIII was released for the PlayStation 3 on December 17, 2009 by Square Enix Co., Ltd. It was localized into English (and ported to the Xbox 360) and released on March 9, 2010 in the major Western markets by the company's international subsidiaries. This is notable because it reveals so much about the flux of development from the time this game was conceived until it was released. Final Fantasy XIII came out nearly three years too late, by my reckoning. By the time it did come out, one of the only ways it successfully aligned with the market it was released into is that publishing a major game in March isn't, anymore, all that peculiar. Final Fantasy XIII, however, is. In 2008, Square Enix delivered a talk at the Game Developers Conference in which it described the features of its Crystal Tools game engine which powers Final Fantasy XIII -- a talk which a developer friend and fan of the series emphatically described as "terrible" shortly after. Terrible not because the technology is bad; terrible because it took the company so long to step into the technological present. In 2008, Crystal Tools promised to deliver yesterday's features tomorrow. Coincidentally, Final Fantasy XIII was released into the Western market on the second day of GDC 2010. When I review games, I typically insulate myself from the opinions of others. This was a solemn requirement at the heart of reviewing games for EGM, for example. Editor-in-chief Dan Hsu, who was one of my mentors for much of my career as a reviewer, demanded three distinct opinions. That's not as easy at it sounds, and not just because editors are talkative. If you go out there with the wrong score, you're going to get a lashing from the internet; you may well have to justify yourself to the game's publisher; you may even put your job at risk. Consensus is a safe haven. This is part of why reviewing Final Fantasy XIII in April 2010 is amusing: staying isolated from opinions of this game, so polarizing and so widely discussed, is impossible. I've spent the better part of four years anticipating the game more than any other ever released. I've also spent the better part of the last four months marinating in the game and people's reactions to it. I've read, written, and spoken more words about this than any other game in years, and probably any in the foreseeable future. In fact, this may be the last time I can claim authority over any sizable chunk of the mainstream game industry. I didn't think about it that way in the past, but Japanese-developed RPGs have been, since the early 1990s, my passion. The JRPG is my favorite genre. Very, very briefly, it was also the world's: starting in 1997, with the release of Final Fantasy VII, it seemed that the games I loved would finally get their due. I used to have the mentality -- which now feels quite dated -- that I could convince people to give games a shot. I thought that if I could cut right into the heart of a game and explain exactly what made it tick and why that mattered, I could convince people, with only my words, to try something they weren't planning to. While I don't think that's impossible, I think it's an edge case; voracious consumers of games, maybe. Enthuasiasts of a genre, perhaps. Convincing someone to pick up an interesting book, CD, or go to a film is one thing; with games... it's much more difficult, it seems, and it's only getting harder thanks to everyone's shrinking reserves of money and time. One thing I realized over the years is that a large contingent of gamers who were suckered into playing Final Fantasy VII for its groundbreaking cinematics and engrossing story actually weren't that happy about it. They may have enjoyed that experience, but they began to become frustrated by and by, and other games in the genre perplexed and bored them. Many, many people didn't value what I valued in games -- and I don't just mean turn-based combat or pop existentialism. People simply didn't value stepping out of their comfort zone. I just didn't realize how true this was until my comfort zone started to shrink and become more and more irrelevant. It's now well-known that Microsoft approached Activision and Infinity Ward and asked them to deliver Call of Duty 2 for the Xbox 360's launch, because Halo 3wasn't going to be ready. While that's not the whole of it, it might just be the inflection point where things changed. By 2010, we know the story by heart: Western developers who'd never had access to an audience like this before had the console market hungrily in their sights and, driven by ambition and talent, made bold games that made what had come before look rudimentary. Meanwhile, the reliability of Japan's market and the peculiarity of the way its businesses are run had created somnambulent companies which attracted university graduates with a promise of reliable jobs rather than creative possibilities. Of course, these things are, to an extent, cyclical. It's not over yet. Things are changing. Square Enix is reputed to be a vision-driven company with strong creative minds in charge. Its president, Yoichi Wada, has complained that the staff's creative pursuits delay its titles from shipping on time. The most famous man at the company is Tetsuya Nomura, an illustrator who got famous for creating characters so memorable that it enabled him to get his thumb into the majority of the company's creative output within a decade. On the other hand, Final Fantasy XIII was the company's first real step into the next generation; it's a humongous production designed to appeal to as wide an audience as possible. For all of these reasons and more, Final Fantasy XIII is, most obviously, a bizarre compromise. In his borderline incomprehensible -- through no fault of his own -- GDC 2010 talk, the game's director Motomu Toriyama described how, over the years, the creative process for developing Final Fantasy titles changed from a collaborative to top-down structure thanks to the workflow demands put on the teams by technology. In the immediate aftermath of the development of Final Fantasy VI for the Super Famicom, the team bullshitted up some ideas for Final Fantasy VII. But when it came time to produce that game, the decision had been made to move to the PlayStation and deliver a Hollywood-style cinematic experience. Still and all, the game was put together piecemeal -- and if you remember its wild inconsistency of play, it's not a surprise to hear that now. From to snowboarding to defending Fort Condor to performing CPR to motorcycle combat to the Golden Saucer, the game provides arguably too many diversions from its core gameplay. By the time Final Fantasy X rolled around in 2001, said Toriyama, "An impact on experimentation took place. From this [game], scenario had to be fixed first, because of motion and voice [recording]. So each staff person we could not incorporate their comments or opinions, since just a small number of people were working on the story creation... It was a major change in Final Fantasy X." Throw in a platform shift for which the company was totally unprepared, a mandate for visual perfection, and a production team in the hundreds, and Final Fantasy XIII, as it is, is born. Still, I haven't even approached Final Fantasy XIII's greatest and most fundamental sin. * * *      "It starts to get good after about 12 hours," I said.    "Twelve hours? I can't believe you give that game such a huge by," said Lulu.    "It's not a by," I responded, lamely. She turned away. Zak looked at me. "I just know that if he sticks with it..."    She shook her head. "The fact that they can rely on that kind of loyalty --"    "...if he sticks with it -- I'm not talking to everybody, I'm talking to Zak -- he'll enjoy it." A few moments later: "You're right. It's a by." The biggest sin of Final Fantasy XIII is that the developers assume that once that disc slips into the drive, gamers are commited to seeing the ending credits. The developers assume that everybody wants so much to play this game that they will simply plod through it all. This sin is compounded by Square Enix's obvious, terrifying mandate to make the biggest, most popular Final Fantasy game since VII, and bring gamers into the fold who've never before been interested in the series. And it is complicated by their total misjudgment of the demands of today's audiences after years of increasing sophistication in games. * * * Let's play a game. No, not Final Fantasy XIII. Let's pretend that Final Fantasy XIII came out in December 2007, a year after the launch of the PlayStation 3, much as Final Fantasy X did in 2001 relative to the PlayStation 2's launch. And since we're already enmeshed in this fantastic scenario, let's take another little leap: let's pretend that the Xbox 360 never existed. Boy, Final Fantasy XIII seems pretty fucking excellent now, doesn't it? Yeah, it may not be the best game in the series, but I can't wait to see what these guys are going to do when they really come to grips with this next generation console technology! That's the world this game was made for. There were just some complications... * * * Thanks to Call of Duty, mainstream audiences of unparalleled size are getting used to the production style pioneered by Square Soft in the early '90s. These games are so complicated and huge, somebody thought, we ought to bootstrap a few teams and get them rolling into production simultaneously, so we can have a continuous flow of product for fans. At some point, this production process broke down. By the time of Final Fantasy XII's hideous and unprecedented delay, FF production was critically wounded; it has not recovered. Motomu Toriyama showed one deeply confusing screenshot of Final Fantasy XIII for the PlayStation 2 in his GDC presentation. I've privately been told by someone who'd know that the game was unconventional in a way that the Final Fantasy XIII that was manufactured and shipped to retailers is not. Something happened during the production of the unconventional, deeply flawed Final Fantasy XII to kill experimentation at Square Enix. Something happened during the troubled birth of Crystal Tools to complicate Final Fantasy XIII's production until a group of very intelligent and experienced developers were forced to pare down the design document to what would obviously and flawlessly function. In his GDC talk, the lead game designer of Assassin's Creed II, Patrick Plourde, talked about the production of the first game. Half an hour after he joked that "the Final Fantasy guys are probably the only others who face these problems" -- putting together a 30+ hour game with a team of hundreds, that is -- he explained that a separate team designed and implemented the assassination missions in the original Assassin's Creed. These missions were stapled onto the core game and, though they formed its primary gameplay objectives, they had nothing to do with its core gameplay. Ubisoft Montreal's production processes had been designed to produce different streams of content simultaneously and bolt them together at the end -- a method that was retained but completely rethought for production of its sequel. In a strange coincidence, Motomu Toriyama was sitting next to me during this presentation. * * * Most people who had anything to say about Final Fantasy XIII shortly after its release were those who were repulsed by early design decisions the team made about the game. And while I don't think production realities excuse a shitty game, they sure do explain it. If one thing's clear, it's that production ramped up on Final Fantasy XIII before there was a clear plan on how things were going to be bolted together. As Tim Rogers points out in his review, "A producer of Final Fantasy XIII explains that there was 'enough discarded content' from Final Fantasy XIII to make a whole other game. The 'content' in question is mainly levels -- game-play areas." He draws the correct inference: the production process for this game was so deeply flawed that artists were being paid to create content that the core creative team was unsure if it would have any use for, just to make them do something. As I explained to Zak and Lulu, the really bad part of Final Fantasy XIII is not, as many have said, the first two hours, in which you have no meaningful choices in combat and cannot earn Crystogen Points and so cannot level your characters. The worst part is also not the next five hours of the game, which establishes the core of the game's narrative premise and slowly and surely delivers its gameplay systems one after the other -- the tutorial. No, the worst part is between hours 8 to 14. This is the most vapid and superfluous part of Final Fantasy XIII. This is the painful and tedious point where the game has firmly established its core gameplay, its cast of characters, and then... refuses to give over. From the second half of the Gapra Whitewood to the end of the Sunleth Waterscape, Final Fantasy XIII is a tedious mess made by people who clearly don't understand what they're supposed to be doing. Here's my quick guide into making Final Fantasy XIII not suck shit. It'll sound pretty easy when I explain it. Immediately institute gameplay. Without changing the scenario at all, allow players to experiment with special abilities and raise levels in the Crystarium -- even allow them to raise the levels of the NORA troops Gadot and Lebreau, though the player won't ever use them again (notably, in the release, Gadot and Lebreau's HP are listed as ??? instead of numbers because they're NPCs.) Nobody will resent wasting this effort; certainly no more than they did being held back from experiencing gameplay for the first two hours of the game. By the time the party assembles for the battle against the Pulse Fal'Cie in the Pulse Vestige, they should have earned a few abilities in the Crystarium. (If there's one thing this game is spookily good at, it's balancing the distribution of CP as it effects gaining abilities and fighting boss battles, so I don't doubt the team could balance this well.) You don't have to unlock much, but just enough to give the player a sense he is making decisions: enough for advanced players to know what's in store and little enough for novices to stick with it. Remember, the novice audience wants to learn how to play your game. As the party escapes to Lake Bresha, lay on the tutorials, just as you did. There's a debate to be had here about teaching the player how to play the game by presenting challenges that require him to exercise the options at his fingertips -- remember that battle in Palumpolum which forces you to play the Sentinel role? like that -- but let's just assume we're not changing things that drastically. It'll work. The Vile Peaks proceed as normal, though perhaps the roles of some of the characters have to be tweaked. But here's the crucial difference. By the end of the Vile Peaks, the entire Crystarium must be unlocked and available to players. You have to be done with your lessons approximately... now. There's time for introductions to more advanced gameplay later, but the core: we're done. Here comes a tough part. Narratively, I don't see a way around having Hope and Lightning come to their own understanding in the Whitewood as Sazh and Vanille later do in the Sunleth Waterscape and Nautlius. A mix of cutscenes, structural changes, and judicious and much-needed cutting would have to happen here to make the game tolerable and well-paced. Get players to Palumpolum as fast as you can, and once the six party members gather in Hope's apartment for the game's first real climax, you've just delivered an adventuring party that will never be split up again. If you've balked at my earlier suggestion to unlock the Crystarium fully, now's when you really have to do it. You will never again force the party formation to follow the whims of the plot; that was annoying enough in the 16-bit days in what I would consider the most irritating game in the series, Final Fantasy VI, and it's excruciating now that we know other games actually give us a credible illusion of control. After Palumpolum, Palmecia. And after Palmecia, Gran Pulse. And in Gran Pulse, which we should get to much sooner, something besides mark hunts. "Something", in fact, like the second half of the game. "The answer is staring them right in the face. Gran Pulse should have been the World of Ruin. What were they thinking?" I said this out loud. It's very likely nobody else was in the room. * * * Let's talk core gameplay mechanics. I theorized, in December, that at some point there was a meeting in Square Enix's Shinjuku headquarters where things were decided that altered the course of Final Fantasy XIII's development profoundly. I'm not wrong, of course -- there were probably dozens of such meetings. But let's visualize this for a minute. Yoshinori Kitase, Motomu Toriyama, Yuji Abe, and the rest of the team is sitting at a conference table. The light is bright and fluorescent. There's stale coffee, 330 ml bottles of French spring water, and, since this is Japan, there might even be cigarette smoke hanging in the air. Production on Final Fantasy XIII is not, to put it lightly, going as planned. Crystal Tools is nothing like done. In the back of his mind, one of the men is wishing -- for not the first time and not the last -- that Matsuno's fucking team had got Final Fantasy XII out the door in time for FF13 to hit the PlayStation 2 before its market died, and that Crystal Tools could have been sorted out before production had begun on a next-generation title. Toriyama looks at Kitase. Kitase looks at Toriyama. "What are we going to do?" somebody asks. I tried, and failed, to write this scene with drama and snappy dialogue, but let's be fair: this is a Japanese office. One of the junior planners walks around the room handing out sheafs of stapled A4 paper to everybody. This is what they're going to do. They've identified the strenghts of the series: its characters and story, courtesy of Nomura, Toriyama, Kazushige Nojima and others; its battles -- thank Toshiro Tsuchida and Yuji Abe; its beautiful environments, Isamu Kamikokuryo; and the character leveling system, the Crystarium. Everything else is expendable -- it either has to be tied into the plot, or has to serve the purpose of getting this game out the door. When I talk about Final Fantasy XIII's battle system, I get excited. People can hear the excitement in my voice, and they get interested. I have actually seen this happen in real life. That's a measure not just of how much I care about the game and the series, but my genuine admiration for the level of execution of this absolutely core facet of the gameplay. Their plan almost worked -- or perhaps could have worked -- but it didn't. It fails in some very fundamental ways that mostly have to do with the developers' control and complacency. * * * Time for pure gameplay complaining: the Crystarium stinks. Let's do some comparing and contrasting and background here, since we might as well. At some point -- I guess Final Fantasy X -- the developers at Square Enix decided that traditional experience points / earn a level-style leveling systems were passe. I don't in the least bit blame them, since how you grow your characters is one of the best gameplay aspects of an RPG when handled correctly. The Sphere Grid, which was Final Fantasy X's stab at delivering that sort of gameplay, was compulsively addictive to me. It was essentially linear for a good portion of the game, but starting not terribly far in, you'd be forced to make decisions about what to unlock when, and how to balance your party, and soon after that what secondary sets of abilities you wanted your characters to develop. One of my absolute fondest memories of FFX is running in circles in Zanarkand raising levels for an entire day. Final Fantasy XII's leveling system, the License Board, is a pathetic thing, paltry and simple, trivial to exploit. It encourages you -- or at least it did me -- to rob your characters of any distinct identity and instead gravitate to what delivers the best advantage: my party were carbon copies of one another by the end of the game; bizarre hybrid mage-warriors with no trace of specialty nor identity. It's worth noting that when the game was rereleased in Japan, this entire gameplay mechanic was deleted and replaced with something new (called the Intenational Zodiac Job System, fuck knows what that is. I certainly don't care.) The Crystarium is not that bad. But it is not very good. I think one of the real flaws with it is that it's split into six: each role has its own distinct set of bonuses and abilities, because each role has to be defined within the context of the game's Paradigm System battles, which are in fact quite excellent. Unfortunately in concert with this, there's no freedom of movement, and your only decision-making process is which of the jobs you wish to raise first. But that complaint is really irrelevant compared to the real flaws in the system. The Crystarium is divided into levels, and levels are locked. They are not locked, as would be logical, until you complete one; they are locked until the arbitrary point in the game -- always after a boss battle -- where the developers deign to unlock the next stage of Crystarium growth. Frustratingly, too, in my experience, the game perfectly metes out experience points throughout so that you're just about ready to hit the next level of the Crystarium by the time you get it. This is one of the many things about playing Final Fantasy XIII that makes you feel like a rat in a maze. There's an ominous awareness of someone in control, just out of your field of view... And there is a severe and obvious flaw with this: gamers don't all enjoy games the way the developers intend them to. Gamers don't all enjoy games in the order developers intend them to. And gamers do not all enjoy games at the speed which developers intend them to. This is the first game in the series which does not allow for this, and that is a severe flaw. There are six potential roles for each character (pretentiously renamed in the U.S. version to Commando, Ravager, Medic, Saboteur, Synergist, and Sentinel from the readily comprehensible Attacker, Blaster, Healer, Jammer, Enhancer, and Defender.) However, for the first two thirds of the game, you aren't allowed to access any but the three the which the development team assigned to each character at its outset. The CP (Crystogen Points, or experience points) you earn are only enough to really concentrate on the three jobs you are given anyway. This, in fact, holds true for the whole game, including the last boss, unless you do a tremendously unpalatable amount of grinding, even when you have access to the other three jobs. This sucks out all player choice once again. Since you effectively can't raise optional jobs, since the CP costs are so astronomical, you can't really experiment with new party builds without swapping characters in and out to form the party you want. All I accomplished by trying to make Lightning a Saboteur was putting her behind Hope in primary job progress, and I quickly abandoned the idea. I got a slight benefit out of making Fang a low-level Synergist, but since you also only have six Paradigm slots this became irrelevant, too. There just wasn't room for that Paradigm. The worst aspect of the Crystarium, though, is that not every character gets every ability in every job. For example, as a Synergist, Fang gets Shellga and Protectga. I assumed Hope would earn access to these abilities soon after -- when his next Crystarium level unlocked. Nope. He never gets them -- ever -- and Synergist is one of his three primary jobs. Worse yet is that without consulting a FAQ, you'd never know this, so it's impossible to plan ahead for the ideal party without researching online -- and personally I like to avoid FAQs as much as I can. In the end, the Crystarium is just a linear leveling system in a Sphere Grid disguise, and it's probably my personal biggest disappointment with the game. Tim compared the game to busywork in his review, and it's not wrong -- by removing meaningful choice, the Crystarium has transitioned from a thoughtful system into something akin to stuffing envelopes. * * * All the same, when I look at the game, I'm more sympathetic to many of the mistakes the developers made because I came to the realization that they are tremendously determined to get players through this game, fully understanding its gameplay. And I also laud them for turning up the challenge at the point at which they believe players should fully understand it -- which is one of the most satisfying sections of the game, if not the most satisfying section -- the Battleship Palamecia. It's obvious that this is why the game is so drawn out, and derisively (though somewhat fairly) called a neverending tutorial by gamers. Gamers, for one reason and another, don't like to be condescended to, and this was a miscalculation on Square Enix's part. But it's not so simple as that. This isn't just about teaching novices to play the game. It's about making sure everybody gets it. Really, really gets it. This is necessary because with previous titles in the series, it was fully possible to get to the very end without understanding their gameplay. Not just possible, in fact, but likely. The most obvious culprit here is Final Fantasy VIII -- the game is complicated, more than a little broken, very abstract, and full of gameplay loopholes. On reading what people have had to say about it over the last 11+ years, I have certainly realized that I -- no newbie to Final Fantasy or RPGs in general by that point -- got to the end of the game without really understanding its gameplay in more than the most rudimentary way, and I was hardly alone in that. In fact, I never actually beat Final Fantasy VIII. I got to the last boss, but I never did defeat her. Let's go back to that word "abstract". When it comes to core gameplay, RPGs are the most abstracted of all established game genres. In a shooter, you shoot someone; he dies. You physically move the aiming reticule over a target; you pull a shoulder button like a trigger. It's simple. Game developers are forever adding abstract, complex gameplay elements to titles of all genres, because the kinds of people who buy Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 games enjoy these abstractions. Only RPGs are build their foundations on them. Even relatively simple concepts like "equipment" tend to be so complicated by either special abilities or innumerable choices that they lose a great deal of their concreteness. There's the famous example, of course, of Dean Takahashi's review of the original Mass Effect -- in which he forgot to level Shepard. Dean is not a stupid guy. At this year's GDC, Peter Molyneux said that Microsoft research indicated that more than 60 percent of the Fable audience understood less than 50 percent of the series' gameplay. Fable is not as popular as Final Fantasy. The answer that BioWare and Lionhead have posed to these problems is to streamline the everliving fuck out of Mass Effect 2 and Fable III. The Final Fantasy XIIIdevelopment team tried that, too. However, where the paths diverge is that the Western teams have gone to great lengths to make their gameplay systems concrete. ME2 is a full-on shooter; Fable III doesn't have levels anymore: you gain followers, and that power is reflected visually by your character. Instead of moving towards action or something else easier to understand, Final Fantasy XIII completely retained an abstracted, command input-based tactical battle system with text and gauges and jobs and hit points -- they just tried to teach players to use it. As a hardcore gamer who loves abstraction (and in particular loves this battle system) I sure do appreciate it. But it's easy to argue that Square Enix is going both against the grain of the collective wisdom of the industry and also working against the mainstream audience they want to cultivate. One solution -- and I'm not even sure this is precisely intentional on BioWare's part, but if it is, it's genius -- would be to split Final Fantasy into hardcore nerdy and open and casual variants, in the same way Mass Effect and Dragon Age compliment each other. No significant number of BioWare otaku who want the D&D-inspired bollocks of Dragon Age's gameplay resent Mass Effect 2's simplicity. And they will buy every scrap of Dragon Age content thrown to them, and most of them will buy Mass Effect, too. Like i said, if this is intentional, it's pure fucking genius and probably what I most respect BioWare for right now. I've talked to a guy online -- a smart enough guy, an adult and avid gamer, who got to the end of Final Fantasy X without understanding the Sphere Grid and couldn't beat Sin. Despite my problems with FFVIII, this never occurred to me, simply because I understood FFX so well. And, more troublingly, I know a guy online who's gotten past the point in Final Fantasy XIII where the developers assume you understand the game and just throw everything at you -- far past, with the help of strategy guides and a level of perseverence that's difficult to credit but so refreshing to see -- and I'm not quite sure he really gets it. He certainly can't reliably execute it. Because of the tight control over the Crystarium he can't grind his way out of tight spots; because of the developers' faith that their style of teaching players how to play is adequate, he has to resort to following online strategies. Even the official guide isn't enough. So as much as I like the impetus of teaching novices to understand Final Fantasy -- because how else are you going to convert them into fans like me who live, breathe, and love JRPG gameplay? -- I don't think Square Enix pulled it off. And worse, they alienated a good chunk of their existing audience by making it sit through kindergarten, or as I like to call the beginning of the game, Disc 0 (think about this in PlayStation 1 FF terms and you'll get it.) * * * So while I'm on the subject of gameplay, let's keep this going and talk about the fucking battle system already. The best -- if not most appealing -- way I can think of to explain the Paradigm Shift system is that, in a regular FF battle system, you were the grill team in the McDonalds kitchen, all working to produce the meal. In FF13, you've been promoted to manager. Rather than making the same, repetitive individual decisions moment-to-moment, you control the overall flow of battle via the Paradigms. Once the system gets cooking, you get the same intense and strategic push-pull of a traditional turn-based battle system in maybe one fifth of the time. So each Paradigm you set up, to back up a bit, is a party build. Each character has three jobs (let's say three, because as I discussed, five or six is a lie and even four is pushing it.) Your job is to switch between Paradigms which offer the most effective mix of jobs (and thus, skills) for current battle situations -- you become the mini-general, flipping your troops' jobs around. And it's not just that you must tell them what (generally) to do; you also have to be mindful of how their skills compliment each other. That's before you take into account enemy behavior. To say that the battle system is challenging and addictive would be an understatement -- this is the compulsive and most highly polished aspect of the gameplay, bar-none. The problem is that it doesn't fucking get that way until the aforementioned Palamecia section... like 15 hours into the game. Sigh. But once it kicks in, it's fucking kicked in for the whole rest of the game; smacking the everloving shit out of the last boss was a highly amusing pleasure. There's also the extremely fast pace to laud, and also the strange but addictive process of Staggering enemies. Until you Stagger an enemy, damage is negligible, and you need to hit them with both physical attacks and magic to make them Stagger. This really is the way in which the Paradigm Shift system is unified with basic damage dealing, you see, and the icing is the game's maniacal reliance on buffs and debuffs later on to add another layer of tension and make your finger itch on the L1 button as you shift Paradigms compulsively. This is the good shit. This is where it's at. And when you Stagger (or Break) -- I definitely prefer the Japanese version's "Break", it's more forceful, more aesthetically appealing -- So when you BREAK an enemy, there's a skill called Launch that the Commando class gets which throws the fucker up into the air. When the enemy is up in the air it can't do jack shit -- it can't attack you at all, and just wriggles helplessly. This is so super fucking satsifying that I can't even articulate it. It makes me giggle. And to answer one of the questions Tim raised in his review of the game, yes, it's inherently satisfying to see giant fucking numbers (representing damage) pop out of enemies when you hit them. Of this I have not the least shred of doubt. * * * Let's talk about the whole NO TOWNS thing. The game does not fucking need towns. Towns would not solve this game's problems. The whole towns thing reminds me of people talking about Steven Spielberg's A.I. A lot of people didn't like the saccharine ending of the film and said that the movie should have ended with David staring at the Blue Angel, implicitly forever. No -- that would have just been a different shitty ending. In the same vein, stapling some classic-style towns to Final Fantasy XIII would not solve anything. What people who are asking for towns are asking for are two things, and one of them is valid and one of them is bullshit. 1. Give me what the series has always had, because I am old and I fear change. (Bullshit.) 2. Give me something that would improve the game's pacing, and add agency and variety. (Correct.) Let me be clear: I have no interest in seeing towns come back to Final Fantasy as towns were once executed in the series, that's for sure. But something needs to come in -- a solution must be devised. The bit where you chase the Chocobo chick through Nautilus: that was simple, and stupid, but fun. The way I much more miss towns, in all honesty, is that so many of the cutscenes in this game feature people just stopping in some corridor in some dungeon and having a conversation, and the context they do this in has absolutely nothing to do with that conversation, and it starts to feel extremely false and disconnected from any sense of reality. This is to be avoided scrupulously in future games in the series, in my opinion, and one of the ways to do that is to make sure that the important story sequences are context-driven. And to have context-driven story you need, well, a fucking context. Obviously. Things like towns are meaningful. Giant blue glowing forests, while totally fucking awesome for smacking the shit out of rampaging biological experiments in, are not so great for having a conversation about your dead mom. * * * One particularly notable object lesson in this is the segment of the game which takes place in Palumpolum. The game goes from romps through attractive but irrelevant video game backdrops to a struggle against fate in a city populated by civilians. Context comes flooding in to illustrate concepts that were so recently abstract. There's an army, there are buildings that make sense, there's the whole scenario with Hope's dad in his apartment. Things just gel fabulously here in a way that totally makes sense, and stands in stark contrast to the last several hours of the game. The Hanging Edge. Gapra Whitewood. Sunleth Waterscape. No. Vile Peaks. The Fifth Ark. Kind of; good enough. Nautilus. Palumpolum. The Palmecia. Eden. Yes. * * * Let's talk about the characters and story. The Final Fantasy series has been pretty hit or miss when it comes to antagonists. This game is pretty much a miss. It's really not until the last fucking battle that you begin to get a real understanding for what actually drives the antagonist, who is an Old Man In A Dress, the Fantasy Pope -- which is a lazy cliche, while I'm complaining -- to push your party around, try to kill them, et cetera. This is what I like to call a Big Fucking Mistake. Until then, you're confronted with the fact that he's just a floating asshole who pushes you around and lies to you. It's easy to see why the characters dislike him, but as the player, it's not so easy to feel strongly about it. Also he's a big stupid monster / god thing, really, it turns out, of course. And I found this particularly boring because, oddly enough, the real world's Evil Old Man In A Dress has been in the news a lot lately. And he has been implicated in multiple coverups involving child molesters. And while the whole complicated tale is heartbraking and infuriating, it's also a human story, one that has real heft and weight: I'm more interested in taking my band of adventurers to Rome and knocking Cardinal Ratfucker out of his Prada loafers with a hail of Blizzagas than spitting on Primarch Dysley, FF13's antagonist. Think about that rich and complicated story of venality, ambition, insensitivity, and arrogance and compare it with what motivates FF13's Pope, which is "I'm a god, but I don't like being a god that much." Right. That said, stories of gods pushing humans around don't have to suck. I mean, we have the whole pantheons of Greek and Norse mythologies, and those are just the ones I am immediately familiar with as a white nerd. Those are some fucking interesting gods. And beyond that I can think of examples from fantasy like Megan Whalen Turner's The Queen's Thief series, or Steven Brust's Vlad Taltos books, or Diana Wynne Jones, or Neil Gaiman. These gods have many of the same qualities of the Fal'Cie -- aloof, manipulative -- but they're used effectively. That's because the action of the story rests on the decisions of the people, even when the gods command; FF13 does, to its credit, try to do that, too, but it doesn't come together until the end. Let's detour quickly into "Fal'Cie." We already have a word for gods, and it's "gods". Bad fantasy overuses superflous terminology like Fal'Cie that obscures both the meaning and, to my mind, seriousness of its story, and this is a prime offender. I have a theory that Japanese people are more willing to accept bullshit katakana terminology because their language is full of it -- bear in mind that everyday concepts like Personal Computer and Digital Camera and Internet and Sony PlayStation are all made up fantasy words to the Japanese, more or less, and it seems easier to understand why their games are full of them. Then again Dragon Age has shit like the Grey Wardens and (gag) Darkspawn, which sound just as bad to me. It's a problem. Fantasy people: restrain thyselves. One of the really frustrating things about this game is another aspect of the Disc 0 problem I alluded to earlier. It really, really extends to the development of the characters. Plenty of people I've talked to (aka The Whole of the Internets) really hate Snow, Hope, and Vanille. I do not hate them. But I can understand it, because for the first chunk of the game, they are boring do-nothing characters. Contrast the Sazh who stumbles around the Hanging Edge with the one who talks about his son, Dahj, in Sunleth Waterscape and Nautilus. In my opinion, Hope's problems make sense, and he begins to speak and act intelligently and with conviction earlier on. But Vanille is in a way the linchpin of the plot, or many of its mysteries, and you have no bloody idea until way too far into the game. There's a reason she's narrating the thing, folks. Snow, well... Snow can't really get into gear until he and Hope have it out, and thanks to the game's shitty pacing, that just takes far too long. Someone I know said "the plot seems like it's always an hour away from getting good", and that's apt. I've also heard it said that the text Datalog entries add necessary details to flesh out what's going on -- and that's true not in terms of understanding events (I had no problems) but it's very true in terms of shading. In the end, I'm not wild about the cast. They're not as sympathetic as the Final Fantasy X crew, somehow. I felt for them, but not strongly. I think the context problem I wrote about -- Talking In Dungeons -- and the boring antagonist help screw them up. The lack of a real focused main character (aka Final Fantasy VI-itis) is also a problem. Lightning never comes to life as a character -- she's an idea of a character, a representation, a simulacrum. She's fascinating to watch in motion and she spits out some great lines -- love her attitude -- but there's no her. Sazh, on the other hand, is dependable and sympathetic, and one of the only in the party capable of surprising you with his actions. How in the fuck did Japan deliver the one of the first truly rounded and sympathetic black characters in a game (and deliver him with a Chocobo chick in his afro, and make it work?) Talk about an unexpected triumph. Snow is a stock character. Snow is not a badly-written version of that character, but he does not exceed those bounds enough to become fully three-dimensional. He's important to the story, though, and I forgive it. He's kind of like this game's Wakka, with a role that exceeds his depth, yet somehow a less interesting conflict to resolve within himself. I had thought Hope was going to be a Shinji-type character, but he's really not, or not for very long. He's a believable adolescent; his background really comes into play for his character in ways I didn't anticipate (observations easier for me to make, perhaps, because he's the one I identified with most.) You can tell he's well-educated though he never really talks about it much; later you see he's a child of privelege who grew up in the big city, and his attitude and demeanor makes sense. Characterization Success Get! He acts in ways that are logical, and if anybody sells the whole Fal'Cie/l'Cie thing, in the whole cast, it's Hope -- through both his reactions to the situation and his knowledge. Vanille... is a conundrum. First up, she's the worst character design Nomura has shit out since... Irvine Kinneas? Long time. Part of that's a cultural Japan/America thing, and part of that's a borderline misogynist "girl skipping around in a short dress is tough to take seriously" thing, let's face it... but part of it is that she has just a hideous outfit and ridiculous hair. Even Hope looks like he's dressed to walk around a bit. She... well, it'd be an okay outfit for a summertime date. If she didn't expect to have to sit down and get hit in the back with that... beaded... thing, that is. When her role in the story becomes apparent, though, suddenly she's really interesting. I can't think of another character in an RPG who lies so much, and for such believable reasons. Usually RPG characters only lie because they're Secretly On The Other Side or whatever -- normal fantasy turncoat bullshit. That's it. You know, totally unlike real people, who lie all the time with both good and bad intentions. Not so, Vanille. And Fang is kind of dumb but she looks awesome, is gorgeous, kicks ass, has a rockin' Australian accent, and is just generally too much fun to not love. And you can easily pretend she's a lesbian. The game's real strength, though, is the dynamics of the characters -- their interactions. Lightning and Hope. Hope and Snow. Sazh and Vanille. Vanille and Fang. Japanese writers seem to have a facility for group dynamics and this frequently shines through in FF13's story more than the actual plot point that's occuring. * * * Chris Hecker has warned us that if we're not careful, games will become like comic books. What he's talking about is cultural ghettoization. I think we're already there -- we're just there at a profitable scale for a wide audience, unlike comics. And in many cases we're at an even bigger disadvantage -- it's much more challenging, and at times impossible, to step out of your preferred genres and either enjoy or comprehend the games. The FF13 solution, as I already outlined, was to teach people to enjoy it. Sure, Square Enix was less than fully successful there (though the guy who I spoke about who's struggling loved the game so much -- his first JRPG ever -- that he kept at it, and has pushed through the points where he was stuck, and even crossed over into JRPG fan territory by buying the CD soundtrack!) But I digress. My brain has been programmed by long exposure to love the JRPG genre. The experience of playing genre-based games is to gradually understand them more. As long as the games are good, your accumulated knowledge makes them more enjoyable. Hell, even mediocre games in a genre that you like and understand tend to be somewhat entertaining, because they lightly caress those synapses. Your decisions are driven by your tastes, but your tastes are reinforced by repeated exposure, until you start to think about buying games you think look terrible because they have good aspects -- for example, Eternal Sonata, which I though about buying I don't know how many times before I finally gave up on the idea. Its adorable vapidity repulsed me too much to sit through just to experience a battle system which looks pretty nifty. One thing I love most about the JRPG genre is its visual panache, and one thing that the deveopers of Final Fantasy XIII prioritized beyond perhaps all else is delivering those visuals. They are stunning. The character animations in battle and exploration are excellent, the scenes burst with detail, the environments are eye-catching and complex and unexpected. The amount of art generated for this game is nuts -- especially because that's the most expensive part of current generation game production. When I saw Lake Bresha for the first time in December, I said -- out loud -- "this is why I bought a PlayStation 3" and I was not kidding. There was my $600, three years later, right there. When I had the chance to speak to him, I even brought Lake Bresha up with Toriyama, and here's what he said: That body of water you were mentioning is crystallized, and technically it's very difficult to create something that's basically half see-through to bring that frozen effect. So it's not only that artistic vision, but it's also providing that technical expertise to create that; and that's something that really sets us apart from other developers. Other developers I don't think can really create that. You know what? It sounds arrogant, but the blend of techniques, aesthetics, and Japanese orientation to detail represented by Final Fantasy XIII is unmatched this generation. This game is a visual masterpiece. Sure, it's not subtle; The Lost Guardian is going to be more refined. But FF13 can encompass so much about what's great about current generation visuals in one game: it brings in elements of all genres and all aesthetics and blends them together and makes them work, stunningly, and in realtime. And that was something I could always fall back on and enjoy, because it's something I love. And that's what being a genre fan means. Tragically, so much of the most beautiful, exciting content is saved for late in the game. The developers just presume you'll get to Gran Pulse and see its impressive vistas. What if you get bored and sell the game before then? I don't think that thought crossed anybody's mind. That. Is. Fucking. Nuts. The same goes for the game's soundtrack: Masahi Hamauzu, long relegated to Square's B-titles, does a fantastic job here. Yes, it hews close to the aesthetics that have been long established in the genre. A friend of mine, whose music taste I respect a great deal, called it terrible. I got really annoyed. But it's hard to see something like this the way he might: not as a fan of JRPG soundtracks, but as a fan of music. I actually have plenty I could say about the topic in its defense, but that's for another time: it's enough for me to put out that, in another aspect of its conventionality, this game excels. * * * Though all games don't feature strong narrative elements, I think it might be true that games are a unique medium because they are both complex software systems and content-driven media. Together, they forge a context. It's an important tenet of fantasy writing to be embroiled in worldbuilding, of course, but games literally build the worlds they describe. One of the problems that complicates both creating and reviewing games is that they are both software and media. To create software is to create function; to create media is to create feeling. The place where things get interesting is in where these two aims, which don't have a hell of a lot to do with each other, intersect. When they diverge too obviously, pain lies. In a narrative-driven game, both the story-related events and the gameplay systems are expected to come together -- and when it works, this combination is more satisfying than either element would be alone. This dual strength allows you to forgive the flaws. Though game stories are routinely, and not unfairly, criticized for the fact that they would be dissatisfying as a linear narrative (say, a movie) I also think it's valid, and I feel comfortable saying, that the intersection point is what allows games to become more than the sum of their parts. I fully believe this. Games are satisfying because they are a synthesis. They may rountely be a clumsy synthesis in 2010, but their success is still built on this. This is not an argument against games striving to improve both in narrative and play contexts, but it explains, to me at least, my immense satisfaction with flawed experiences and failed experiments. By the time you put it to bed, Final Fantasy XIII proves both that its story is functional and its gameplay is sound. But unfortunately there is a continuous shifting and even breakdown of forged context for a great deal of the adventure. What it's trying to accomplish keeps changing. The game has something like an act structure -- not as most narrative media does because the characters make decisions that propel them forward, but because it's assembled from parts and the seams are visible. The hand of the creators is all too evident in this work, and this is even worse than it could be because it's clear the hand is shaking. And that brings us back to the fundamental problem with FF13, and, finally, to the end of this text. The team have erred seriously in their assumption that players will simply, left with no other option, like the game. Their assumption is that players will, by the end, understand the game; their assumption that, in doing so, players will inevitably care about the game's content. It always comes back to that, in every facet. I would argue that it would be ridiculous to assume someone who doesn't like what Final Fantasy has to offer should or could be catered to by a Final Fantasy title. I can't play Madden just to enjoy what it does well despite a near-total lack of interest or understanding of football. I will never develop an appreciation for Halomultiplayer, even if I can understand what makes it so compelling to so many. I don't really care to try, frankly. That attitude, which I think is common, is an important part of what makes games a tough medium to create in. Even if you allow, as you should, that the game is made for an audience that could potentially enjoy it, Final Fantasy XIII takes this assumption too much to heart, and in doing so severely tries the patience and, some would say, insults the intelligence of its audience. That is a profoundly dangerous place to go and a precipice the developers absolutely must back away from. Final Fantasy XIII For PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 Released: March 9, 2010 Publisher: Square Enix Developer: Square Enix Three stars out of five

[drtoaster]

RULES: tag ten followers you want to know better!

TAGGED BY: @theycallmekaibara​ (thanks man!)

TAGGING: @napsoldier @rogue-knifehead @thebloodofosiris @dimensionalguardian (I’m too lazy to do ten so feel free to steal)

NAME: Jakob (it finally occurred to me that anyone who actually wanted to know this could probably find it on here anyway so fuck it.) STAR SIGN: Cancer HEIGHT: 5′7″ (I think it’s been a while so it could be 5′8″ by now) WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME? - I don’t gots one lmao. It was gonna be Henry at one point apparently.

PUT YOUR ITUNES SPOTIFY ON SHUFFLE. WHAT ARE THE FIRST 4 SONGS THAT POPPED UP? Apple stuff is overpriced and I don’t like Spotify so I’m going to scroll round in my saved music and pick four at random.

Foster The People-Pumped up kicks

The White Stripes- Seven Nation Army.

Caravan Palace-Rock It For Me

Theme song from Gigantor (I fucking love Gigantor)

GRAB THE BOOK NEAREST YOU AND TURN TO PAGE 23. WHAT’S LINE 17? “Roasted hazelnuts added a rich aroma to the smells wafting around them.”

EVER HAD A POEM OR SONG WRITTEN ABOUT YOU? I hope not.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED AIR GUITAR? I can’t remember.

WHO IS YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH? I don’t really do celebrity stuff.  Does Rtas Vadam from Halo count? I’d have a piece of that.

WHAT’S A SOUND YOU HATE + SOUND YOU LOVE?

HATE: That fucking quiz show my grandma watches every fucking afternoon with the volume turned up to twenty fucktillion decibels.

LOVE: Thunderstorms.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? Nah. I don’t have anything against people who do because I have seen weird shit happen but I think there’s better explanations.(Except for poltergeists. Even I can’t make head nor tail of what’s going on there.)

HOW ABOUT ALIENS? Those fuckers better exist and they better be hot. 

DO YOU DRIVE? I wish.

IF SO, HAVE YOU EVER CRASHED? I mean mentally and physically yes, but never a car.

WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? I legit can’t remember the last time I read anything that wasn’t for university. I’d guess probably one of the Edge Chronicles books or maybe The ocean at the end of the lane?

DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF GASOLINE? Sorta I guess.

WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW? Deadpool 2

WHAT’S THE WORST INJURY YOU’VE EVER HAD? I’ve never actually had any super bad injuries. The worst is probably a twisted ankle but that’s not every interesting, so I’ll share a funny one instead. 

So as a kid I was home educated, and my mum was always worried I didn’t socialise enough so she’d take me to this group for home educated kids in the area called ‘Magical Mondays’ (muffled retching noises on my part). Now one day the parents arranged a Halloween ‘party’ at one of the parent’s houses. 

The family in question was one of the really hippy-dippy ones that went to the group and, unfortunately, this meant the halloween ‘party’ was more of accurately just standing around in the dark on my part because I didn’t want to sing daft hippy campfire songs about the ‘Earth Mother’ (Not exaggerating here by the way that’s genuinely along the lines of what was going on. I just wanted to be at home playing with my Bionicles not singing about feeling Mother Earth under my feet). They didn’t even have any candy or Halloween party games. Not even a game of in-the-dark hide and seek.

 What they did have was a spooky story however. I can’t remember the exact details but it was to do with some wolf-man in the local area that stalked the fields and woods surrounding the area at night. Being slightly sceptical of the supernatural even at a young age I kinda just figured it was a story to scare kids, and thought nothing of it when they suggested we go the field at the back of the property to see if we could spot him. I figured the parents would play pretend that they’d spotted him in the distant bushes just to wind us up a bit. What I wasn’t expecting, was legitimate roaring to ring out from the field, and a figure with a pair of glowing red eyes to suddenly rear out of the tall grass shrieking at us.

Of course, I metaphorically shit myself and bolted.

Now here lies the problem: I have been cripplingly short sighted since birth. I can’t see an object clearly without my glasses unless it’s about four inches away, and horror movie style vampires in my younger self’s opinion, were markedly less spooky with glasses, and so mine were left at home. Ironically, this left me blind as a bat, and combined with the fact it was already dark, I couldn’t see jack as I ran away in panic with all the other kids, disaster was assured.

I ran head first into a metal pole that was concreted into the ground, for use as a laundry line. There was actually and audible clang as I ran into it, loud enough to make most of the parents stop their charade because of a collective “Wtf was that noise” moment. Of course dad found me on my ass in tears by the pole and was able to get me up off the ground and check me over. It turns out the horrifying wolf man in the field was one of the other dads holding two red glowsticks. 

Needless to say my mood was sour for the rest of the evening, further embittered by the continuing lack of sweets or anything actually fun to do. I’m pretty sure this was a major contributor to my slight dislike of Halloween.

DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS RIGHT NOW? Uhh I dunno I kinda obsesses about a lot of stuff. Gundam, Gigantor, Exoman, Bionicle, Halo, the list goes on. I think the only material thing I’m sorta obsessed with is this kinda neat mech figure I sorta wanted but talked myself out of (too much money and I should be saving, etc). But yeah other than the usual dumb shit I’m not really ‘obsessing’ over anything.

DO YOU TEND TO HOLD GRUDGES AGAINST PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE YOU WRONG?Oh god yeah I’m a petty mf. 

IN A RELATIONSHIP?

Single pringle.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #281

“is there a method to your madness, is it all about pride? ‘cuz everyone i know, they’ve got a demon inside.”

Has anyone ever told you that you looked like a celebrity? No, just a video game character and an animated movie girl when I had black hair. What color is the pillowcase(s) on your bed? Brown. Do you have a favorite day of the week? Tuesday because it’s reset day in WoW and as a mount farmer, that means I get to try my raids for the week again to continue to be denied. :’) Have you ever been in an art show? An art show, I don’t think so. I’ve had two or three things in an art museum, though. Would you consider yourself to be well-exposed to life or sheltered? I’m pretty split down the middle, I’d say. I’ve seen far more emotional pain than I think most young adults have, but at the same time, I’ve very under-exposed to adult experiences. How high is your pain tolerance? It depends on the type of pain. I can particularly say I do NOT handle stomach pains well, though. Have you ever played the game Halo? Nah, those weren’t my type. Have you ever had to learn lines for a play/skit/movie? Only songs sung together for plays in elementary school. Never solo. Do you like your nose? … Sure? Kissing someone with facial hair, do you mind? I don’t care. Would you ever like to be a stunt person? I’m fucking dumb, I read this and thought “you mean little people?” until I read the last person’s answer lmaooo. Anyway, no. I’m not ballsy enough for that shit. Are you a pyromaniac? I find fire pretty, but it still can scare me if I’m too close to it. Are you one of those people who listen to songs on repeat? 110%, it’s literally what I’m doing now lmao. Can any of your friends sing very well? SARA. Would you ever enter any kind of pageant? No, no, no, no. I really don’t support pageants of any type I can think of, beauty in particular. What a way to scream “HEY THEY’RE BETTER THAN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, again, especially in beauty pageants. That fucks people up. What a way to start things like self-loathing, eating disorders, body dysphoria, etc. Do you have piano fingers? Mom has always told me that, “like Grammy.” Have you ever slept on a beach? YIKES, no. I ain’t fuckin’ with the tides going in and out or just a massive wave. I’d also feel WAY too vulnerable. Would you like to be taller? I’m cool with my current height. Are you a fan of piercings on the opposite sex? I just like piercings in general. Have you ever been attacked by an animal? No, besides play getting too rough. Is there a movie that makes you cry every single time you watch it? It’s easy to do that lol. The Notebook in particular will 100% make me tear up. What's your opinion on Johnny Depp? He’s an incredibly talented actor that I find very attractive, but I don’t know him as a person. Can you speak in different accents? Just British and southern. Who was the last person you mocked/mimicked? My nephew, playfully of course. If you write, isn't writer's block the most horrible thing? THE ABSOLUTE WORST. What size shirt do you normally wear? Ugggghhh generally 2XL, I think. It can be one size smaller or one size larger depending on the shirt. Has anyone ever aimed a gun at you? Yikes, no. Have you ever written a song? Just poems. Do you believe there is life on other planets? It’s possible, but I don’t particularly lean a certain way, I think. The universe is just… infinite, you know? But also the circumstances that life rose within Earth were so remarkably perfect to support it that I don’t entirely know if it’s been duplicated elsewhere. When was the last time you fell? Around two weeks ago? I have extremely low blood pressure naturally but also amplified by medications’ side effects, and I got out of bed too fast when I woke up. Hurt my knees pretty bad and barely missed my head hitting the couch. Do you have any sort of debt? I do NOT want to think about this. Is there a specific time period that interests you? The era of dinosaurs of course, as well as the Renaissance, just to name a couple. Do any of your friends own an expensive car? *shrugs* Have you ever been on a train? No. Have you ever been in a parade? No. Are you, or anyone you know, an atheist? I know plenty. Have you ever sent a celebrity fan mail? No. Have you ever been in a musical? No. Is there a friend's family that makes you feel like you're family too? Yeah, Sara’s. Even though I’ve only been with them not that long of a time, they’re wonderful and made me feel so welcome. Do you ever have a fear of getting close to new people? Boy, do I!!!!! It’s funny though, because at the same time, I want to be close with people; I want to rush to the point I have a close friend. It’s weird. What is the worst things about work? N/A And the best? N/A Do you like to sleep in? Not really, honestly. I feel groggy and lazier than I naturally am lmao. Do you like to be an early bird? Well I’m in my best mood in the morning, but I don’t like waking up early. However, I’ve been planning a morning routine to adopt once we move that involves waking up at like 7 or so, so we’ll see how much I enjoy mornings then. But oh boy do I have a habit of saying I’ll do something and then not doing it, so… What is something you notice you just don't watch? History stuff and usually action. Last thing that bothered you even if just a little bit? Something Miss Tobey said to me a few days ago. Last thing that seemed a blessing from above? I don’t believe in supernatural “blessings,” but I’ll bite. The thing that made me happiest recently was uhhhh… I actually don’t know. Nothing that REALLY felt “blessing-ish.” Do you usually drink diet or regular soda? Regular; I can’t do diet. It tends to taste horrible but more importantly the artificial sweetener gives me a wicked headache. Are you on a diet? Not a diet, no. I’m more so just trying to make it a habit to simply eat better and not snack. Someone you highly respect who is not in your family? Sara’s dad. Did you say 'goodnight' to anyone last night? I don’t think I did. Does anyone ever comment on the appearance of your handwriting? People tend to point out it’s really nice. Have you looked at anyone's Facebook profile lately? Whose? Nah. Did you have a cake for your last birthday? What kind? Yeah, red velvet. Can you recall the first horror film you ever watched? How old were you? I actually don’t think I can. Maybe Paranormal Activity? Or The Blair Witch Project? When’s the last time that you mailed a letter or a package to someone, and who was it to? Sara’s bday gift I think. The last book that you checked out from the library? I haven’t done that in years. What was your pet’s last vet visit concerning? Roman got neutered, and the only time I took Venus to the vet was when I first got her and she refused food for almost a year. Changed the tactic of warming the mouse up and she was more than happy to snag it. Which animals do you tend to go check out first at the pet store? The reptiles, because they’re closest and also my favorite section. Last medication or item that you picked out from the drugstore? Nicole picked up a bunch of my prescriptions that needed refilling. Do you usually have a big list or a small list when you go to the grocery store? I don’t do the shopping here, so it’s not my choice. How much was the last check you deposited? How about the last amount that you took out? I have no clue. Have you ever been admitted into the emergency room? For what? Being suicidal and then a suicide attempt. Have you ever been arrested before? Ridden in the back of a police car? No to the first, but yes to the second because that’s just how you’re transported from the ER to the psych hospital here. Have you ever been a victim of a house fire? Thank God no. When did you graduate high school? 2014. How much gas can fit in your gas tank? N/A Does your vehicle break down a lot? N/A What’s the longest you’ve ever had to wait before being seated at a sit-down restaurant? I want to say at LEAST 45 minutes once. Can’t remember why it was so busy, though. Have you ever had a cavity before? How about a root canal? A tooth pulled? Braces? I’ve had cavities and braces, but thank Christ no root canals, and I’ve never had to have a tooth pulled by the dentist, either. Which art forms do you appreciate the most? Man, you can’t ask this to someone who enjoys art so deeply. Like I really don’t know what I enjoy *most*. Music can give me chills, poetry can be so rich and, well, poetic, and traditional artwork strikes awe and makes you wonder how they do it. I just adore art. What is your favorite zoo animal that you would like to set free? To start, I have very mixed feelings about zoos, but I guess I am *mostly* in favor of humane, adequately providing captivity to a certain degree as this allows for conservation of especially endangered species, and zoos also make it easier to study and understand the silent voices of those we share the earth with. As well, they offer a safe environment to expose the fearful to all sorts of animals, and I feel it is very, very important for humans as the alpha species to care for and understand (as best our language barriers allow) our wonderful neighbors. That being said, I definitely believe that a lot of zoos under-provide for their animals, and this is horribly heartbreaking so that I absolutely disagree with their “right” to own and display animals, but for this specific question, I am going to use my state’s zoo as the standard here. Ashboro, imo is pretty damn great and generous to their animals (you should see the miles of land the elephants, bison, antelope, and rhinos have!), but the exhibit that comes to mind first when mentioning animals I’d like to set free iiiis… you know, I don’t know. I was going to say the polar bears since it can get STUPID hot here in the summer and their abode doesn’t have a great amount of ice that survives the sun, but at the same time I’d be very wary about returning a polar bear home for… obvious reasons. I say “I don’t know” because I’m not gonna pretend to know what ample space is for so many different kinds of animals. Damn, now I really wanna go there. Wow this was a long answer to a p simple question lmao. Favorite kind of fish? I don’t have a distinctly “favorite” fish, really. I don’t know enough of ‘em, but I can say I really like clownfish and angelfish. What kinds of museum artifacts fascinate you? Whew, as someone who took Art History just last year in school, ancient art pieces of all sorts! It is so, so fascinating, watching the evolution of art and to see how the urge to just create extends so, so far back into history. Have you ever gone to court before? For a disability case, yes. Also to convince a judge that I didn’t need to stay in a mental hospital for I think the original plan was around six months. What is the last song that you danced to? Ha ha I watching Hotel Transylvania with my niece and nephew and did the macarena with ‘em. What’s your favorite alcoholic drink? Margaritas or sangrias. Is there anyone that you’ve visited in jail? No. Are you more likely to fly in an airplane, or pick people up/drop them off at the airport? Historically, pick people up. Which sporting event would you be most likely to sit through? Dance competitions. Favorite flavor of ice cream? Cone or dish? Any sprinkles? My favorite Basic Bitch flavor is vanilla, just with chocolate syrup. Cone or dish just depends on what I’m feelin’, really. I hate sprinkles on anything; the texture throws me off. Have you ever cut your own hair? No. What do you eat most frequently? Uggghhhh some form of bread, probably. Are you a fan of video games? Yeah, but not as much as I used to be. What's your favorite color combination? Idk really, I like a lot. I will say though that orange and black excites me bc Halloween Vibes. Did you share a locker at school? No. What's one sport you could never play? Wrestling, ew. Have you ever sung karaoke? Oh god no. What is the oldest age you think should wear makeup? lmao BRO tell me this a joke How old were you when you went on your first date? Idr, sometime in the 7th grade, if group dates in middle school even count? lol Has anyone besides your family seen you naked? Yeah. If so, who? An ex and probably doctors at some point? Did your parents sign you up for anything you hated as a child? Sunday school, really. Have you purchased any cool objects from a foreign country? Considering I’ve never left the country, no. Are you on a laptop or a desktop computer right now? I only have a laptop. Do you remember anyone's number by heart? No, but I seriously need to memorize my mom’s. Do you live above, below, or on the Equator? Above. Do you know how to use Photoshop? I know how to do a decent number of things, but I’m definitely no expert. Where was your first job? I was a sales associate at GameStop. What's the best place you have ever eaten? Olive Garden is fucking fantastic, fite me about it. Do you own a hair straightener? No, I don’t need one. Are you barefoot right now? I always am at home unless it’s cold enough to need slippers. Are you subscribed to any magazine? Nah. Do you need AC right now? No; it’s actually pretty cold inside rn. Do more people call you by a nickname or your first name? It’s just a derivative of my first name; “Britt.” But I guess that classifies as a nickname. Name something you're proud of. Deciding to actually *try* to move on and making massive progress through it with That Person. Lately I’ve wondered if I truly have, though. My PTSD has been really bad of the late. Does any accent annoy you? I can’t say it “annoys” me, given you can’t really control your accent, but I do find it difficult to understand extremely southern accents, even as a local. Do you take vitamins? This just reminded me I’ve been out of my Vitamin D prescription for a while… oops. I’m supposed to take it for my legs. When was the last time you took aspirin or some other pain reliever? Yesterday, actually. I had a pretty bad headache. When was the last time you deeply regretted something? God, last night, I was remembering and accepting some things. Lemme just say I regret the everloving fuck out of the subject. What is something that you regularly wear that makes you stand out? Besides my lip ring, nothing in particular. Do you prefer small birthday parties or big ones? Small. I just don’t like big gatherings in general. What song are you listening to now? “Creatures X: To The Grave” by Motionless In White. What was the most traumatic experience of your life? The breakup w/ Jason. I’ve told the story enough in surveys and I don’t wanna recite it again. Who was your childhood best friend? Brianna. Are you still friends now? On Facebook, anyway, but we don’t talk. If not, why? We just drifted apart. What is one career you don't think you could do no matter how much it paid? Butcher. No fucking way. Have you ever edited Wikipedia? No. Have you ever edited any other wiki? Oh yeah; I’m an admin at the Silent Hill wiki and have invested hours upon hours upon hours helping out there for years. I’m also a content moderator at the Team Ico wiki, and I’ve also assisted a lot at the meerkats wiki because it is a fucking grammatical and formatting catastrophe. I think that’s it? Wait no, I did a few fixes on the Dragons of Atlantis wiki when it was still at the Kabam website, too. Is there a website [besides social networking] that you check almost daily? Yeah, a few. Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? I wouldn’t say I get scared, no. Just more aware and cautious. What’s the worst illness you’ve had? I’ve had a fucking wicked stomach virus before. (TMI alert?) I would not stop puking to the point it was agonizing to the point of tears because my muscles were so exhausted. Which do you prefer: M&M's, Skittles, or Reese's Pieces? BITCH can I choose all???? But in almost any chocolate-related case, I will choose a Reese’s product. Where on your body would you never get a tattoo? I don’t plan on getting a face tattoo, or at least a big one. Maybe something small and cute. OH YEAH EW absolutely never getting my sclera tattooed. That looks painful as a motherfucker. Honestly, have you ever stuck gum under a table or desk? No, that shit is disgusting. If your parents could read your thoughts, would you be in trouble? Not usually. Mom might be mad sometimes when I’m angry at her. Have you ever egged somebody's house or car? No, that’s childish as shit. My childhood house was egged once, so it pisses me off especially. Do you like licorice? UGH no, that shit is disgusting. Did anybody ever read bedtime stories to you when you were younger? My mom did. Which natural disaster do you find the most terrifying? Tornadoes or earthquakes. Do you have a favorite Johnny Depp movie? What is it? Alice in Wonderland. If I gave you a Yo-Yo right now, could you do any tricks? Nope.