#i can tell you jack shit about the actual history behind that movie but man keira knightley in suits…

[libraryleopard]

no wayyyyy apparently the guy in the opening of velvet goldmine who's interviewed on the street about being bisexual is also the director of colette (2018)…everything is connected…

[dadsbongos]

Liebeskummer

Movie/Game/Show: Danganronpa: Killing Harmony Dynamic: Korekiyo Shinguji/Reader (and his sister shit but i actually take it seriously, unlike kodaka) Warnings: korekiyo’s backstory/trauma (his sister), sexual/physical/mental abuse implications (and outright said but not described in detail except the emotional and mental), anxiety in both kork and reader and mental breakdown(s?), airhead shit but it’s sad Summary: It’s all her fault. ~~~

Korekiyo suddenly turned to the girl beside him in his quiet research lab, “Have you ever heard of Jack of Fables, (Y/n)?” at her, albeit confused, nod, he continued, “Well, all those myths, fairy tales, and even nursery rhymes in reference to ‘Jack’ are actually about the same man. What this means is that Jack Be Nimble, of the candlestick, Jack the Giant Killer, who sold his cows then murdered and robbed a giant, Stingy Jack, who tricked the devil so relentlessly that he was banned from both afterlives, Jack of Jack and Jill, who cracked open his skull, Jack o’ Lantern, Spirit of Halloween and Headless Horseman, and Jack Frost, Spirit who ends autumn and begins winter are all one in the same. He made so many poor life decisions that he now serves as an immortal representation of winer with a pumpkin serving as head and flashlight. Is that not fascinating?”

“Aw,” (Y/n) grinned, nodding once again, “Like the American ‘Florida man’.”

Korekiyo sighed, disappointment palpable in his tone, “That is… actually much more accurate than I wish to admit.”

“Wait, wait,” she tilted her head, patting the man’s arm despite his attention already being on her, “So… like, was he also Jack the Ripper…?”

His eyes widened at her statement, “(Y/n), I must be grateful you were not born to the life of a woman of the night in Victorian London because I assure you, Jack the Ripper was incredibly real.”

“Oh, that’s so sad…” she pouted before clearing it back into her usual smile almost instantly, “Well, thanks for the folklore fun fact, Kiyo! I didn’t know that Jack was so dumb! God, I’d hate to be like him…”

“You do realize you’re not so bright yourself, yes?”

She shrugged, “I’m fine with that, but at least I’m not tricking the devil!”

So sweet and kind, the Ultimate Composer was. Against all expectations, she wasn’t highbrow or traditionally genius, but she was more than excellent company. And, to top it off, the idea of turning her into one of Sister’s friends was oddly… sickening.

It should’ve been perfectly fine - she was a deeply respectable young woman unlike Miu and Maki, there’s no reason he could have against her.

It just felt wrong.

“Oh! Oh!” she burst out, clapping her hands together, before turning and reaching into a bag slung around her hip. Rooting through scrapped sheet music and notes, once she found what she’d been searching for she held it up excitedly, “Boom!”

Korekiyo took the item, just barely brushing his wrapped fingertips against hers, “Cleopatra’s Pearl Cocktail… much appreciated,” he pressed the small bottle into a pocket on his uniform, “If you enjoy giving gifts, perhaps we can discuss cultural gift-giving practices?”

“Ooh, Kiyo’s gonna teach me?”

“Hmm,” Korekiyo hummed quietly to himself, “Well, perhaps… you would prefer I tell you of a composition piece in relevance to mythology, yes?”

“That’d be nice,” the girl giggled softly, rubbing the back of her neck, “To be honest, I just like when you talk… you sound so smart all the time!”

“My thanks, (Y/n),” he nodded curtly, muttering to himself before coming to speak up, “Alright, I believe that the composition for you would be The Ring of the Nibelung, of Germany.”

“Oh, I know that one!” she knew most ‘ones’, to be fair.

“I had suspected so, but have you heard of the heroic legends behind the pieces?”

“Ah, no… are those what you’re gonna explain?”

“I had planned to, yes. Alright, well, the four parts, as you know, are The Rhinegold, The Valkyrie, Siegfried, and Twilight of the Gods. Nowadays, they are most commonly played as individual, separate works despite making one complete story. They were always intended as a sequence - as The Ring cycle, cleverly. Each piece revolves on a loose basis to German heroic tales and Norse legendary sagas, with the overarching tale of the magic ring forged by the Nibelung dwarf, Alberich, which grants the power to rule the world,” he paused at the sight of (Y/n) yawning, his lips pursed and eyes shot down to his shoes before flickering back up to the girl, “Ah, my apologies for taking far longer than necessary. You must find this- “

“Ah, no!” (Y/n) shook her head, waving her hands about as though it would physically prove how far from needed his apology was, “That’s not it! I’m just kinda tired, ya know?” as if to prove her point, another yawn washed over her, “I hadn’t slept well last night after Kirumi…”

“I see,” Korekiyo nodded, closing his eyes to think over his words, “I apologize for making it about myself. If you wish, I could walk you to your dormitory. Now that you mention it, it has been quite the long day.”

“You don’t have to, Kiyo, I’d hate to bother you so much in one day let alone one sitting,” the composer puffed her cheeks out, “That’d be so obnoxious…”

“I don’t find it obnoxious whatsoever, especially if it’s to aid- “ he hesitated, “to aid a friend.”

He hadn’t had friends before. People usually found him creepy and that was the end of the story - nobody approached him and he didn’t branch out. Life went on. The world spun. His loneliness was everlasting and yet nonexistent. He has Sister. Though, deep down, he knows. She’s on another plane of reality with loneliness stronger than his, that’s why he sends her respectable young women.

Just like (Y/n).

But just… not (Y/n). For reasons he personally chooses to not disclose to even himself.

“Aww, Kiyo! You care!” the girl placed a hand over her heart as if to show that the organ itself was squeezing in delight at his offer.

“Of course, I do,” Korekiyo didn’t like how quiet she made him. How jittery and nervous. And he didn’t like how it made him question the way Sister made him feel.

She also made him nervous but it felt different. He liked to pretend it was the nervousness of a love you don’t quite have yet, but he fully knows he’d be lying. She was a mean girl, a bully in school before being hospitalized. Prone to violent and outright frightening outbursts when she had the energy to do more than force him to her side.

But he didn’t like questioning those feelings for Sister. Who he was, was based on her. His uniform. His passion and talent. His hair. His perfect complexion. His life as the universe knows it is an ode to her.

It’s too late for him to go back now… he’s already done so much in her name it’d be cruel to give up now. He might as well continue for Sister.

“If you really don’t mind, then yeah, I’d like it if we could walk together… I get a little nervous going around at night, you never know who’s gonna snap…”

“And you trust me?”

Shit. That’s what gets him in trouble. It’s as Sister always said. ‘Too naive to make his choices, and once he’s free, too inept to make the right ones.’

“Well, yeah,” (Y/n) spoke as if there was hardly any thought to the answer, “All you’ve shown me is somebody worth trusting,” then, she’s quick to remember poor Kaede, “Well, maybe I’m being silly. But hey, if I have to choose between dying trusting my friends and paranoid beyond myself, then maybe I’d- “ she paused, “Ehhh, I don’t like the way that’s coming out.”

“I understand what you’re attempting to say,” Korekiyo reassured, turning towards his research lab’s exit, “Let us start towards the dormitories, yes?”

“Right!” (Y/n) nearly found herself jogging to catch up to Korekiyo’s long-strided head start, she clutched the strap of her bag as she did so, “So… you heard about Angie’s plan, right?”

“To perform a resurrection?”

“Do you think it’ll work?” she seemed antsier than was typical for her, “I mean, you’re into anthropology, so, like, has there ever been a case where that did work? Do you know?”

“No, besides, that would be more akin to history, remember?” she probably didn’t, her memory failed her at an ungodly amalgamation of best and worst of times.

“Oh, yeah,” she murmured and nodded, pretending to recall the difference between the two.

“Who would you desire back into this game, if you could?”

“Rantaro,” her answer was quick, her fingers looping together nervously, “We didn’t really talk much, but uhm, whenever we did - he was really nice. He said I reminded him of a sister of his… so that’s a good thing, right?”

Depends on who you ask, really.

“You grew attached to him so quickly?” there was no jealousy there, he tried to convince himself.

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish I’d gotten to know him more. He was always running around, trying to save us, and in the end… it got him killed.”

A lot of things will get you killed.

Korekiyo shook off the thoughts racking his brain, “Your care for him even through his estrangedness and peculiarity is truly beautiful, (Y/n),” he fiddled with the locket piece hanging around his shoulders, “Even your care for myself. I’d be lying if I’d said it wasn’t endearing.”

“You’re not…” her words died out, not wanting to lie to a dear companion of hers, “You’re a little off-putting but you’re not undeserving of love, Kiyo.”

It was a complete 180 from what Sister had told him his entire life. A new lesson coming in far too late. He had to earn love. He should’ve been crawling on his knees and pleading for affection, but now he was supposed to simply receive it? It sounded so incredibly fake. A fictitious tale told alongside gumdrop fairies and candy trees.

No place for someone of realistic standard.

No place for him.

“You’re far too kind, (Y/n).”

“Maybe you just haven’t known nice people,” she suddenly stopped, slapping a palm to her mouth and muffling against it, “I’m so sorry!”

“Worry not,” Korekiyo continued walking, “I’m unphased.”

Because maybe it was true.

Maybe Sister wasn’t so nice.

There was an itch at his skin in the thought and he shook his head.

Sister was kind enough to love someone like him. Who was of rotted soul and rancid heart.

“I shouldn’t have just said that, especially since I don’t really know your life…”

“Would you like to learn it someday?”

(Y/n) was fairly shocked at how quickly he seemed to breeze by her insult to his family and friends - well, if he had any friends - but she wouldn’t refuse. It was extra time with Korekiyo! Who could turn that down?

“I’d love to.”

~~

“Tea and cookies,” (Y/n) pumped a fist in the air, “What could be better than enjoying those with a friend?”

Korekiyo felt his lips twitch up behind his mask at the rhetorical question, he reached out for his teacup, “Perhaps freedom from this killing game?”

“Oh, yeah, huh…” she deflated, “Jeez, I can’t believe I’d say that…”

Oh, great, of course, now he’s gone and made the local ball of sunshine in this school upset.

“Nevermind that, (Y/n), it was a tease…” he gripped the cup a little tighter, cheeks heating up in humiliation at his failed joke, “I apologize if it seemed like anything other than such.”

“No, don’t apologize, it’s fine! It was kind of a dumb thing to say, now that I put some brain into it,” so it made sense she’d said it, (Y/n) frowned at the bitter thought.

“Ah,” the clink of a cup against the table caught the girl’s attention, “I must change my mask in order to properly enjoy this tea and these cookies,” as the anthropologist went to turn, he was stopped by another outburst from the girl.

“No, don’t! Uh, here!” she clenched her eyes shut, papped her palms over her face, and turned her head downwards, “See? Now I can’t!”

“You don’t have to go to such lengths, I could simply turn- “

“No, no, I want you to feel comfortable and I heard once that doing things to make your friends comfortable is, like, a way to make them like you more?” she huffed at the wording, “Just, I don’t know… I want you to know that I care. Ya get it? No need to turn yourself away like that when I can just not look.”

A tuft of air passed through his nostrils at the girl.

Sister would adore a friend like her.

Korekiyo pulled down his mask, brows drawn tight towards his eyes at the new realization. It was no longer a matter of her being respectable, it was now the knowledge that someone as tender-hearted as (Y/n) would be loved beyond comprehension by Sister.

But… no. Sister couldn’t have her. She’d understand, right? Of course. She could have someone else - the other bubbly girl, what’s her name? Angie. She could have Angie.

Korekiyo just… he just needed (Y/n). Something about her was calming and sweet. He picked his mask for eating from a pocket in his uniform and carefully adjusted it over his lips so as to not smudge his lipstick. It wouldn’t anyway, he knew this, but it usually never backfired to be too sure.

The lipstick in itself was quite the hassle. Another homage to Sister that she might not even be seeing. So was the hair. It got tangled and knotted and was hell to dry after a shower.

“Not to rush you at all, but are you done? Cuz my eyes are starting to hurt… I think I’m squeezing them too hard.”

“Right, yes, I am.”

He really shouldn’t think like that… Sister deserved to be honored.

As if she’d been reading his mind, (Y/n) leaned over slightly, pointing at Korekiyo’s hair, “Hey, hey, how do you manage that? It always looks so silky and soft and well-kept.”

“Ah, well, it is quite troublesome most days, but with patience and rather expensive products, I keep it together.”

“I was wondering, too, do you ever put it up?”

“Not usually, though, that would be… nice on occasion,” he sipped at his tea, enjoying the way (Y/n) shyly glanced away to prove she didn’t want to invade his privacy. She was too delightful to be in a place such as this, even if he did enjoy the beauties of law-absence.

“Uh, I don’t want to come off pushy or like you have to let me, but if you want, I’d love to put your hair up! To be honest, I’ve been wanting to for a while,” her eyes widened at her own statement, “Oh, that sounded creepy. I’m so sorry.”

“I am hardly one to judge,” he reached over for a cookie, “But, if you’re so inclined, I won’t protest.”

“Yay!” she bounced slightly in her chair, “Oh, that’s great, Kiyo, thanks.”

“Shall we go to your dorm after finishing our refreshments?”

“I’d like that,” (Y/n) grinned.

And to think she almost didn’t approach Korekiyo on that first day in the school. How ridiculous could she have been to judge based on looks? Sure, he was a little strange and the way he spoke was unlike any teenager she’d ever met, but he was still a person. He deserved to be given companionship.

Besides, he’d only ever shown her kindness and support.

He didn’t even make fun of her when she said something stupid in front of everyone.

She cringed at the memory of every time Kokichi or Miu or Maki prodded at her. Even Ryoma and Kaito had picked on her when she misspoke during the first trial and just brought up a point the class had already proven. It made her heart wrinkle and shrink at the mere thought. Kokichi still made fun of her for questioning Tsumugi’s whereabouts during Rantaro’s murder.

“You’re staring into your tea, it will grow cold if you only look at it.”

“Oh, yeah,” shaking her head, (Y/n) silently cursed herself for spacing out. What an awful habit of hers, it was, “Sorry for taking so long.”

“You shouldn’t apologize, I’m not upset in the slightest,” he felt his heart lighten at the tiny smile that illuminated her face, “I simply enjoy spending this time together.”

“You’re too nice sometimes, Kiyo,” she giggled, but they both recognized the tingle of nervousness jumbling within it, “If you’re not careful, I might fall for you or something…”

“Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing?”

I wouldn’t mind, she wanted to say.

If you’ll have me, he wished to murmur.

Then he felt his chest tighten.

“Can I…” he tapped a finger to the table, “ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Have you ever been in love?”

“Uhm,” she bit her lip as she thought back, “No… why?”

“How do you think it feels?”

“Like, you could be free and yourself around the person? I’m not too sure, but I think if you and someone else are in love then you’ll accept each other completely, you know? Sure, there’s flaws in every person, but I think you accept those, too.”

“I see…”

“Kiyo, why do you ask?”

“I…” his brows furrowed, “A lot has been on my mind as of late.”

“Alright, I won’t pry,” standing from the dining table, (Y/n) clapped her hands together, “Now, if you’re still down, I’d love to put your hair up!”

“As it stands, I am still, as you put it, ‘down’,” Korekiyo nodded before joining the girl and starting towards her dorm room.

“Nice!” she pointed directly ahead, “Now, onward!”

A total airhead at her truest, Korekiyo thought. He didn’t usually partake in the type, but something about (Y/n) just pulled him in tighter every time he tried turning away.

So, what’s the harm in giving in? Swimming against the tide only ever led to drowning anyway, so why fight it?

Sister… Sister was dead. Is dead. Resurrection isn’t possible and hasn’t been in human history. And she had changed so much of him. (Y/n) would never force him to bend to her ideal.

The more he thought about Sister in comparison to (Y/n), the more he realized that Sister felt like a ball and chain - and (Y/n) felt like a breath of fresh air.

Just her name inside his own head sounded as sweet as the best form of heaven.

“Here we are!” (Y/n) cheered upon their arrival to her room, “There’s probably a bunch-load of unfinished works in here so just… don’t judge them too harshly, okay?”

“I could hardly judge an unfinished masterpiece.”

“I don’t know about masterpieces…”

“If you create them with heart and soul, there’s nobody who can effectively say they aren’t except for yourself,” Korekiyo enters the room after her, legs carrying him towards her desk as she roots around her bathroom for a hairbrush and hair tie, “Sadly, this is also applicable to disasters with effort put into them. However, just from skimming these, I can tell you they are not such disasters.”

“Aw, thanks, Kiyo, you know - I know I’m the Ultimate Composer and junk, but jeez it gets so nerve-wracking when people hear my stuff. I like what I write, but who’s to say other people will?”

“I understand that. Showing others your work is extremely unsettling at times,” he followed the girl to her bed and sat between her knees on the floor, “I recall feeling that way when I would dabble in artistry.”

“You can draw?”

“I would when I was much younger,” he felt her fingers run over his scalp and through his hair and the weight looming over his shoulders practically melted off, “I haven’t held onto any of them, and they’ve likely aged poorly, but I know how I felt showing them around.”

“Why’d you stop? If you don’t mind my asking,” reaching around, (Y/n) threaded her fingers through Korekiyo’s bangs and, as gently as humanly possible, pulled the hair hanging over and around his face back into a slicked style.

“My… sister, she always rathered that I participate in anthropology with her. I wasn’t all that good anyways.”

“Aw, that’s kinda sad. Even if you weren’t good, you could’ve improved over time.”

“Do you truly believe that, (Y/n)?”

“Of course, I mean, talents are just developed over time, right? Angie didn’t pop out of the womb an art genius and I didn’t start off great at writing music, you just keep at it and eventually your skill level is way better than when you started.”

Sister always said he’d be garbage at drawing. Somebody like him could never learn.

She tied off and twisted until the bun was perfect - well, not perfect. It was presentable enough, and it was just a bun anyway! Not like they had anywhere to be.

“Sorry it’s messy,” she scratched at her cheek, feeling anxious that he’d be upset with her work.

“I…” he felt another little smile peek over him, it was indeed messy with stray hairs sticking out here and there and a few tiny bumps running over his head, but even so, “I love it.”

“You do?”

“It’s a gesture from you, why wouldn’t I?”

Standing beside Korekiyo at the mirror, (Y/n) twiddled her thumbs before spewing out her question, “It’s totally cool if not, but can I hug you? Sorry if that’s weird!”

“No… it’s…” Sister never asked to touch him, and now that he thought about it, she never seemed to care when he told her to stop, “That would be wonderful.”

As her arms slowly came around him, he felt truly at ease. With Sister, there was always this fear of never being what she wanted. That she hated him deep down. With (Y/n), it felt like finally being attached to someone you were meant to. Returning to a place of deep affection.

“You truly do care about me, don’t you, (Y/n)?”

“What kind of question is that?” she back-pedals, “I mean, of course, I do. You’re very dear to me, Kiyo.”

Maybe even a little too dear, considering the current climate of the killing game.

But even so, neither of them pulls away. Neither cares enough to wrangle themselves from indulging in the other’s touch. It feels too good against their skin.

It’s then that Korekiyo’s brain strikes the flint to create the burning thought - maybe Sister wasn’t all that great. Maybe Sister didn’t love him.

She’s only ever made him miserable, now that he recalls it all.

(Y/n) doesn’t. She makes him feel human and alive and adored. He likes the way she makes him feel. And between the two, he much rather would be praised than berated.

~~

Oh God, what did this mean again?

Where do the creation myths go?

Who’s Princess Kaguya?

Her head throbs at the thoughts rumbling through her. She tried to get Korekiyo to get someone, anyone, but her to organize his notes.

Shuichi would love this stuff! You two should bond!

Gonta could learn about being gentlemanly from you! It’d be a great learning experience!

I know you don’t like Miu that much, but maybe spending more time together could make you understand each other more?

Anyone.

And yet, Korekiyo denied. He liked spending time with her. He wouldn’t mind answering every question she had - no matter how many times she asked it. He was a patient person, he could handle it.

(Y/n) looked at all the books and stray papers surrounding her alike, bottom lip tugged between her teeth in focus and face beating hot in vivid embarrassment. He wasn’t even looking at her, thank God, but still… it was so mortifying that she’d already lost track of what she was doing.

She tried so hard to pay attention, she really, really did!

She wanted to help so bad. She wanted to be useful so bad.

But she knew… she’s not a smart person, per se. It was beaten over her head repeatedly her entire life by her family, schooling, peers, and even her friends. She was an idiot who couldn’t do anything right.

It’s why she wanted Korekiyo to ask someone else.

But how could she say no to him? He was always so nice, it’d be downright mean to refuse him. Right?

She felt her eyes burn, vision growing blurry through tears. Setting down the papers in her hands - (Y/n) covered her eyes to keep any wetness from splotching the notes below. It was the least a fucking moron could do.

“(Y/n)? Are you feeling okay?”

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

She nodded shakily, just wanting Korekiyo to ignore her and continue his work. Better yet, he’d kick her out and she could dodge the incoming humiliation altogether.

“Yeah,” her voice cracked, lips trembling.

Goddammit.

She heard papers rustling before she could feel the presence at her side. Fingertips just barely grazing her body before hesitating back, “You’re lying.”

Understatement of the year.

“I just… I’m so sorry, Kiyo. I’m such an idiot, I knew I couldn’t do this,” she whimpered, desperately trying to grab and suffocate down her bubbling sobs before they wracked her throat, “I’m too fucking dumb to do anything right… I’m sorry…”

“No, no, don’t apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong and you’re no idiot,” he’s immediately slammed with every memory of every time he’s called her such a thing. No matter how nice he tried to be about it, he still aided her insecurity, “I’m sorry for ever saying you were. Intellect is not measured by how well you can do a task nor should everyone’s mind be measured the same. Intelligence is fickle and is spread over a vast variety of subjects. You’re not an idiot for not being able to do something you’re not accustomed to.”

“I just… I- I wanted to help you but then I forgot everything you said about organizing them and then which regions are which and what even is a gorgon?”

He chuckled quietly at her question, “A creature in Greek mythology most commonly in reference to three sisters - Medusa, Euryale, and Sthenno - with hair made of living, venomous snakes that turned those who so much as looked upon them to stone,” he glanced around at what (Y/n) had gotten done, “I see that the filing in relation to music is nearly completed for your half.”

“That’s about all I’m good for.”

“And I would not have managed that so easily, music was never an incredible strength of mine - though I do admire it.”

“Don’t lie to me, Kiyo…”

“I would never,” he moved his notes away to sit more comfortably next to the girl, “In fact, if you’d be willing to listen…” his throat tightened and heart thumped in his chest, “I would like to tell you of something that’s been troubling me for quite some time.”

“Yeah,” she wiped away her tears, sniffling, “of course.”

“I told you of my sister, correct?” he waited for her nod of confirmation to continue, “Well, it’s my belief that…” his fists clenched.

What if she didn’t believe him? What if she blamed him? How do you tell someone your older sister raped and abused you when you’re barely even coming to terms with the fact yourself?

“(Y/n), I…” he stopped, gut bunching in knots before he suddenly ripped down his mask and turned to face her, “I think I need help…”

“What? You’re just wearing lipstick, Kiyo, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“No, no, no, no,” he shook his head, hands shaking wildly as he pulled out the ponytail (Y/n) had done up earlier and yanked through his hair, “E-everything I am is because of her! She consumes me even in death! She- she- she hurt me…”

“Oh,” the girl moved to sit up on her knees, hands reaching out but not yet touching him, “What happened, Kiyo? You can tell me, I’m listening.”

“She told me I was an awful boy, nobody but her could love someone so foul and creepy… she- “ he moved to grip his sleeves, “She touched me,” he looked into the girl’s eyes, “Is it my fault? Am I so disgusting? Why would she do this?”

“Do you want me to hold you or no?” at his shaky nod, she instantly took Korekiyo into a hug, cradling his head and shoulders to her body and stroking through his hair, “You’re more than what she made you. You’re bigger and better than her manipulation. And it’s not your fault she did what she did. It’s completely and totally on her. She took advantage of you, Kiyo, that’s not your fault.”

He grabbed her arm and pressed his face into her shirt as she held him, “Am I rotten? Am I lovable?”

“You’re the best person I’ve ever met. You’re worthy of love and care.”

His lipstick smeared over her shirt and across his cheek and neither of them minded. It would wash off eventually. Her stain on his life would come out.

“When we get out,” (Y/n) began again, “do you want to seek professional help? You can get it, Kiyo.”

He was slow to nod, beginning to grow tired from dosing out tears and trauma at once, “I do… thank you, (Y/n)...”

“No need to thank me.”

“(Y/n)?” she hummed quietly in acknowledgement, “Even if it isn’t for field work… I wish to travel the country with you. I want to show you the beauty of humanity as I know it… for our sakes.”

Looking down, (Y/n) caught the gentleness in his eyes, tender and soft and awaiting her response, she smiled softly, brushing back his hair, “I would love to, Kiyo. If it’s truly something you want to do, I would be happy to go anywhere with you.”

~~

Nighttime was quickly approaching and with the atmosphere and turmoil of the class, (Y/n) didn’t feel very safe being out so late.

“You’re certain you don’t wish for me to walk you to your room?”

“No, you finish up here,” (Y/n) waved off Korekiyo’s offer, “Don’t be such a worry-wart, yeah? I’ll be fine! You better take care of yourself while I’m gone, though.”

He nodded, a small smile stretching over him, “I will, dear (Y/n), don’t worry.”

The girl’s eyes widened slightly before she returned his beam, “You have a cute smile, Kiyo.”

“Oh,” right, he didn’t have his mask on at the moment. It was refreshing to wake up and not trouble himself with makeup for a woman he wasn’t sure even cared - dare he say it, it was nice, even.

He’d only taken his mask off around (Y/n), it felt intimate. Sweet. Something passed only between them.

“Thank you.”

She nodded before turning back and pressing outward from his research lab, “I’ll see ya tomorrow, Kiyo! You better have the sweetest dreams, ya hear me?”

“You as well.”

He returned to cleaning up his lab, occasionally stumbling over a floorboard looser than the others. How troublesome.

That’s when her voice picked up from within his brain.

“You never loved me.”

He looked around despite knowing exactly where the voice was coming from.

“You let her do this to you. You let her take you from me.”

Pushing past them, he persisted in rooting through his notes and organizing his papers.

“She hates you. She’s scared of you. She’s just trying to be nice. You scare her. You scare all of them. You rotten, rotten boy. You’ve been ruined - only I could love a face so hideous and broken. A horrible, horrible boy lucky enough to be given the love I did.”

His hands shook, fingers twitching and heart thrumming heavy, “No. (Y/n) likes me. She enjoys my company.”

“Why would she enjoy the company of someone so lonely and depressing? So gross and foul? She probably hates you for partaking in your own sister’s touch.”

“No, she- she doesn’t… she knows it’s not… it’s not my fault…”

“Are you inside her head? How do you know? How are you certain? I’m the only one who ever loved you - and you’ve abandoned me. Left me all alone.”

“No, I- I haven’t abandoned you, Sister! Please, believe me, I never abandoned you.”

“So, you know what you must do to prove yourself to me.”

“(Y/n) wouldn’t like that…”

“(Y/n) wouldn’t like you anyway.”

She’s right, right? She’s right. Someone as wonderful and beautiful as (Y/n) could never adore him the way he does her. He loves her and she must find him repulsive. Staying out of fear.

Out of pity for the boy abused by his sister. And so, who better to return to than the more predictable of the two?

(Y/n) may have felt more like coming home than Sister - but Sister was home. (Y/n) was comfort. Sister was familiarity.

He found his foot planted against the loose floorboard once again. He knew how he had to make up for his misdeeds and abandonment.

~~

“I’m truly relieved to see that you got to your room safely,” Korekiyo murmured to (Y/n).

“Huh? Oh yeah,” she pointed over to their local gentle giant, “Gonta and I crossed paths on my way and he wanted to walk me to my room and I just couldn’t say no to him. It’s nice to have someone you trust in this ‘game’. Well, other than you,” the elevator jumbled slightly as it dove down into Monokuma’s makeshift courtroom, “I trust you, obviously.”

She shouldn’t. And he wants to tell her that.

But as Kokichi and Shuichi take glances at him from across the elevator, he knows that she’ll figure things out soon enough.

And, during the trial, when Shuichi’s convicting Korekiyo of the murder of Angie Yonaga and Tenko Chabashira - she does. And she cries and screams and throws a fit. Demanding Korekiyo to fight back harder. Demanding Shuichi to stop lying and get serious. Because Korekiyo would never kill somebody.

He was nice. He was a gentleman. He cared about people. He had stolen her heart - and a man who managed that wouldn’t kill anybody. So, of course, Shuichi was lying.

“Do I have to remind you of what’ll happen if you don’t vote?” Monokuma bit out.

(Y/n) clutched at her hair - she knew what she had to do. But every time she went to vote for Korekiyo, her body wouldn’t let her.

Reaching over, the boy himself took her hand in his, “Allow me,” as he guided her hand over her voting panel. No matter how she swatted at his hand or tried to wrench herself from Korekiyo’s grip, he pressed her vote into his name.

She was forced to watch as he was strung up and spun. Made dizzy and sickly. She was made to watch as he fell into the melting pot. Fires eating at his body until he was no more than spirit.

As Monokuma and the sister who had harmed him so horrifically worked as one to rid the world of his soul.

Eyes went to (Y/n) as the execution subsided. Her sobs and hiccups drawing everyone’s attention.

Gonta was the first to approach, a large hand settling on the girl’s back as she cried, silently taking her into a hug.

Her heart wrenched, fingers squeezing at Gonta’s suit and throat rubbing raw with her wild wails.

He could’ve gotten help. He could’ve gotten out with everyone. If she’d just stayed with him then she could’ve done something. Angie and Tenko would be here. Korekiyo would be here.

“Alright, that’s enough,” Kaito’s voice peeked through, “Don’t cry because he’s gone, (Y/n). Move forward - for both of you.”

“I…” she shook her head, choking on a sob, “I don’t think I can…”

Shuichi placed a hand on Kaito’s shoulder, “Just give her a little time.”

As the group moved out of the courtroom, Gonta stayed by (Y/n)’s side up until she clumsily made her way into her dorm room.

Immediately, she collapsed into her bed sheets. Dreading tomorrow. And the next day. And the one after that. And the one after that. And so on. And so forth. Maybe she should’ve known better than to go around falling for a guy in the killing game. Maybe she should’ve held herself up in her room all alone.

There was no escape from this feeling. No hiding. It may get better over time - but Korekiyo would always be gone.

A buzz at the door caught her attention. Her movements were sluggish, honestly just hoping that whoever was there had given up and left by the time she finally answered.

Shuichi stood there, classically uneven, anxious smile and all, “I think there’s something you might be interested in? If you’ll follow me.”

No verbal response was given, only (Y/n) stepping out of her room and shutting the door behind her to give him her confirmation.

He began towards the casino. With a sigh, (Y/n) was about to tell Shuichi off - she didn’t need to start gambling to get over Korekiyo’s death - until he stopped in front of the building.

“I mostly just wanted you to get some fresh air,” he says earnestly before digging in his pocket and pulling out a key with a heart-shaped handle, “I got this from here. You can get your own or keep this one, I think you need it more than I do,” at her confusion he continues to explain, “It can take you into this weird dream-like state where you can see what ‘ideal’ you play in our classmates’ minds… I think you know who I gave this to you for.”

“Kiyo…”

“Yeah. You can see him again, if you want.”

She wanted to be strong and push the key back into Shuichi’s hand - instead, she just looked between him and the key in her hold and nodded slowly, “Thank you, Shuichi…”

He placed a hand on her shoulder, “Sleep well, (Y/n). I know you can grow past this.”

Because he did.

“I’ll try.”

But he wasn’t her. And Kaede was gone far before Korekiyo. And their grief was not the same.

“Thanks again, Shuichi.”

“Just take your time, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

~~

Her knees felt like collapsing under the weight of her nerves, hand falling to the doorknob of the hotel room.

She pushed through her anxiety and found herself in a red-tinted room, a large heart-shaped bed in the center with a merry-go-round circling it. Then, she found Korekiyo standing to the side.

What would his ‘ideal’ version of her be? A friend? An out-of-touch acquaintance? A lover?

Her heart throbbed at the last possibility.

“Ah, my dear, back so soon?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry…”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“I’m, uhm, not sure?”

I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.

“Then don’t,” he seemed to glide across the room, taking the girl’s cheeks in his hands, “You’ve always had a problem with that, my love.”

My love? My love.

“Ah, yeah, sorry,” she huffed at her own word selection, “Oh…”

Korekiyo chuckled quietly, pulling down his mask to kiss her forehead, “I already took my medication while you were out.”

“Your medication?”

“Yes, from the doctor. You were the one who pushed me to go, have you forgotten?”

“Right! No, no, I just blanked,” she quickly lied, giving the boy a broad grin, “I’m glad, though.”

“It’s only medication, dear.”

“Still,” (Y/n) reached up to cup Korekiyo’s cheek, “it’s good that you’re following through with your meds.”

“Your support always helps,” he pressed another kiss to the girl’s forehead, “We’ll be leaving early in the morning tomorrow, I should warn you,” at her furrowed brows he explained, “In order for us to catch the first train to Iwate prefecture. Did you forget, darling?”

“Wait, wait, let me guess…” she waited for his nod before tossing out her suggestion, “We’re traveling for field work!” she was then quick to tag on, “As a couple that’s, like, super in love?”

“You didn’t forget at all, my love,” Korekiyo pulled away slightly, and sat on the bed, removing his shoes, “You play that memory of yours down too much. You’re far more intelligent than you think.”

“You think that?”

“Of course, I do. It’s not just because I love you dearly, either. You mustn’t let the words and actions of others control your opinion on yourself - you’re better than they say.”

This is his ultimate fantasy. He’s her lover. They travel and see the beauty of humanity together, just like what he said he wanted. He loves her. He thinks she’s so great.

He’s wrong.

She should’ve stayed with him that night.

He’s wrong.

She could’ve done so much to keep him with her.

He’s dead.

Because she should’ve stayed.

“Kiyo,” her eyes burned and began to soak, “I’m sorry!” her lungs rapidly expanded and contracted with her sporadic breaths, her hands clutching at her shirt. Her knees finally buckled and she collapsed to the ground, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry for being a stupid, stupid, stupid failure! Please… forgive me…!”

Korekiyo immediately stood up and rushed to (Y/n)’s side, bringing her into a tight hug as she fell to the floor, his fingers running through her hair. He kisses at her temple and cheeks, waiting until her cries settle enough for him to be audible in the room, “It’s interesting, dear, I first realized I’d fallen in love with you in a situation similar as this. I desired to comfort and reassure you just as I do now. You’re not stupid nor a failure, and I adore you above all else.”

Shaking her head, (Y/n) only began to cry harder into Korekiyo’s chest. This could’ve been their future. This could’ve been what they had to share and hold between only each other. If she’d only stayed. If she’d been with him that night.

“Oh, my dear, I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

“It wasn’t you,” she clamped a hand over her mouth, trying to keep back her cries, “I- I- it’s all my fault… it’s all my fault…”

“You haven’t done anything wrong, darling,” Korekiyo held her tighter, “I love you, my dearest (Y/n). No matter what you’ve done, I will always forgive you.”

And once again, her tears only came out harder. Her head pounding ruthlessly at the ache and consciousness fading out in her exhaustion. Korekiyo was dead. And no amount of her tears could ever bring him back.

[the-queen-of-fools]

Coffee & Cowboys

Chapter 1

— — —

Word Count: 1600 Pairing: Jack ‘Agent Whiskey’ Daniels x English f!Reader (no y/n, no descriptions beyond accent) Rating: Mature (For language and themes. Might become explicit at some point) Warnings: Swearing; slow burn; angst; mentions of death; mentions of afterlife; mentions of alcohol; post-movie; AU

A/N: Slow burn. Meta / self aware-ish. I have no plan. First time writing Whiskey. No idea how often this series will be posted. (I’m English, and I liked the contrast with our ‘Southern charm’-filled cowboy, so the reader is English too…)

— — —

Saturday started like any other. No alarm, so you wake feeling refreshed and ready for the nothing you have planned. A nice long lie in, read for a bit in bed, hot shower, and very comfy clothes. You walk downstairs and into the kitchen as usual, eager to drink the glorious caffeinated nectar of life, when you stop abruptly. There’s a man stood there. His back to you, showing off some rather tight jeans, broad shoulders in a dark denim jacket and what looks like a stetson. Who the fuck wears a stetson? “What the fuck? Who are you? What are you doing in my house?” You yell, as you pick up the first thing you can find in reach - a chopping board. A chopping board? What? He turns around, face slack. You grabs a jar and throw it at him. It flies straight through him and hits the wall behind, glass shattering and coffee spreading everywhere. You’re both just staring now, right where the jar should have stopped on his body. Your eyes meet his, matching expressions of pure shock on your faces. 

Uh... no. You shake your head and turn, running back upstairs and shutting your bedroom door behind you. You slide the lock in place, and dive back in to bed. Still holding the damn chopping board, you throw the duvet over your head and squeeze your eyes shut. You’re asleep. You have to be. You’re asleep, and dreaming of your nice relaxing morning routine. When you open your eyes again you can start the day right, have another lie in, a nice shower, and then a coffee without any men in your kitchen. Deep breath in, out, eyes open.  Sitting up, throwing the duvet off, you look up and fuck! There he is, stetson and all.  “Where am I?” A southern drawl crosses the room to you. It’s deep, and velvety, and if you’d heard it at a bar you’re sure you’d feel very differently about it. But in your bedroom?  “Why are you here?” “Where IS here?”  “How did you get in, anyway? The door was locked?” That stops him.  His face softens slightly as he looks at you and says, “I... don’t know.” He furrows his brows, two deep set lines forming between them. He’s staring at the door, and when you lean forward you can just about see that the lock is still in place. “Did you walk through the door?” You whisper. He’s silent, still staring. “Are you a ghost?” That gets a reaction. He whips his head around, and glares at you now.  “No.” “Are you sure?” His brow furrows again, face changing from its glare to a more fearful look as he whispers back to you. “…No.”

…

You’re both in your living room now. It’s taken over an hour to get you both to the stage you can share a room without shouting or throwing things. That would have been hard to explain to neighbours or your housemate. Admittedly, he calmed down quicker than you did. You’re pretty sure an existential crisis will do that to you. Plus, the novelty of throwing things through him took longer to wear off than you thought. Grasping tightly on your coffee (finally), the mystery ghost man paces in front of you. “You’re making me dizzy, would you stop?” You ask. He stops moving, sighs deeply and sits down on the chair across the room. “Huh.”  “What?” He replies sharply. “Just curious why a jar goes through, or a pillow, or a chopping board, and you seem to be able to walk through doors without thinking about it, but you can still sit on a chair without falling through.” You explain to him, taking another sip of coffee. “Stupid metaphysical contradictions,” you grumble to yourself, and it actually brings out a slight chuckle from the man, who quickly tries his best to hide it. He shrugs. “Well, darlin’, I know nothin’ more than you.” “Don’t call me darling, cowboy.” “Cowboy?” His brows shoot up, a smirk lifting one side of his moustache slightly. “Because of the hat?” “And the accent. Thought you might prefer it to Ghost Boy... or Creepy McGee.” Another little chuckle falls from his lips as he leans forward, and looks at you. “You did follow me straight to my bedroom before. Creepy McGee would be a kind name for that.” “Cowboy is fine, sugar. Thanks, I guess.” “Ew. That’s worse than darling.” You finish the rest of your coffee in one mouthful, and look over to the man as he stands. “I’m still not convinced you’re real, just so you know.”  “What are the options then, darlin’? Ghost or what, exactly?” Or what, indeed. “And more importantly, how do I get back home?”  “The way I see it, we have three options.” “Based on what?” His hands are on his hips, and you forget for a second that he might not be there, he might not even exist. The breadth of his shoulders exaggerating the narrowness of his hands on his hips. Shit. Why couldn’t you have just met him in a bar instead? Why did he have to appear in your kitchen? He clears his throat, jolting you back to reality and you flush at the idea he’s just been watching you stare at him. The stupid smirk is back. “See something you like, darlin’?” He says, with a stupider wink. 

Ignoring him and his smug face, you begin. “Option One: I’m having some sort of mental health crisis and you’re a figment of my imagination. A symptom, if you will. Option two: You’re dead. You’re a ghost and, for whatever reason, you’re haunting me. Or, option number three,” you pause, “You’re not dead.” “Preferable, from my point of view.” He interjects, frowning. “Option three is more like, you’re not dead, but you’re close. Like you’re in a coma, but you’re still sort of haunting me. An apparition, astral projection, you know?” He’s nodding along, but silent, and still frowning. “Let’s rule out option one, I have no history of visual or auditory hallucinations, nor a family history of such things. So. Onto option two; there is a fairly wide and agreed consensus about ghosts, so we have ideas on next steps. Option three may be a little trickier though...” You trail off, placing your empty mug on the table in front of you. You stand, and walk over to a shelf to vaguely look at the DVDs. “Why is that one trickier?” He asks, sitting down onto the chair again. “Resources, mostly.” You tell him, over your shoulder. “There’s a lot of hauntings in film and TV, so a decent amount of lore to look into and test. But apparitions not so much.” You turn to him, and shrug. “Wait.” He says, processing what you’ve told him. “Film and TV? Those are your resources?” “Oh. I’m sorry. You got a library book recommendation? Name and number of an expert, perhaps?” You are just met with a huff and Ghost Cowboy just folds his arms and leans back. “Uncharted territory here, Mr Grumpy.” The look that replaces the sulk is priceless. “Sorry, sugar. But I think I’ll get my own answers.” He stands up and walks to the front door. His hands passes straight through the handle, so he sighs, and just walks forward. He can’t get through it though, hitting it like he would usually instead. Another sigh as he turns to you. “What now?”

…

He’s pacing again as you voice each thought crossing your mind. “So. Physical limitation to a place: ‘Beetlejuice’, ‘The Others’... Pretty common trope.” You pause. “Ooh, can we try something?” He stops his pacing and looks at you with a huff.  “Why not?” He says, throwing his hand out. “It’s not like it can get fuckin’ worse.” You stand and walk to the door. You open it, and walk back, past Mr Grumpy-Ghost-Cowboy, to the other end of the room. “Try to go through.” He does, hitting the invisible barrier. “Okay,” you move next to the open door, “try now.” He isn’t happy, but he tries again anyway. Nothing, still stuck. “Fine.” You move to the other side of the doorway, into your front garden. “One more time?” You raise your eyebrows and try to look sweet and innocent. “Please, Cowboy?” His hands are back on his hips. “Last time, English.” You nod, ignoring the newest nickname. It is decidedly better than darling and sugar, anyway. He tries again, and success. The cowboy walks through the door without any resistance. He looks shocked, and tries to walk further, perhaps out of your life forever. He’s stopped, again, at the wall. “Huh. Interesting.” You walk back inside your house, the ghostly intruder following you after a moment of pushing the solid air. “Very interesting. You weren’t dragged back by my reentering the house.” You close the door again, and move back to sit on the sofa. “So. We’re looking at… limited physical proximity to a specific person instead: ‘Heart and Souls’, ‘Just Like Heaven’, maybe? Sort of. Not quite.” You start to mumble to yourself, before lifting your head and looking directly at your guest. “I’m going to plan a movie marathon.” The ghost cowboy just shakes his head, frowning more than you thought possible. Any more, you think, and his eyebrows will start to fold in on themselves. “Look,” you tell him, “you’re not in pain, and you’re not fading away. I’m dealing in my own way, but I’m open to suggestions.” “Alcohol. Whiskey. Lots of it.”  “A cowboy who likes whiskey. Groundbreaking.”

[heart-of-gold-outlaw]

A Smile is Something to Be Cherished, Dear: an Arthur Morgan x Modern!Reader Fanfic

"If I have to chop one more piece of firewood," you say as you brandish your axe, "Imma start wearing flannel. Y'all can call me Lumber Jack. Or maybe Jack Lumber. Or Lack Jumber. Or--"

"For chrissakes," Micah snarls. He's sharpening his knife at a nearby table. "We get it, Y/N."

You shrug and bring the axe down hard, splitting a piece of wood clean in two with one swing. "I pretended it was your head."

To give him credit, Micah doesn't do or say much of anything in retalition. Instead, he just sighs, mutters to himself, and leaves. You're glad to see him go. Over the last few weeks, ever since Arthur found you in the Grizzlies, freezing and terrified, you've decided Micah Bell is your least favorite out of the bunch. Something about him just screams "psychopath." You're surprised that Dutch, for all his intelligence, can't see it.

You've only been with the Van Der Linde gang for a little while. Honestly, you're not too sure what to make of all them. Hosea seems nice enough, and Dutch treats you fair, which is all you can ask for. They may not be the most conventional people, but they're trying their best to do right by you. The whole thing makes your head spin. A few weeks ago, you were in your living room, screaming through a twelve-page essay due the next day. Now? Now you're a hundred and thirty-ish years in the past... and running with a bunch of outlaws at that.

Yeah. Not exactly the life you thought you'd live. But hey: at least you're not dead.

You finish chopping firewood and set the axe aside. Nobody really says for sure that you have to do chores, but you don't like feeling useless. And besides: everybody in the Van Der Linde gang does their part. Why should you be the only exception?

A few of the girls--Tilly, Karen, and Mary-Beth, if you've got their names down--lounge by one of the wagons when you approach. They look up and offer you what seem like genuine smiles. You give one of your own and plop yourself in the grass next to them.

"How're you holdin' up, Y/N?" The blonde one--Karen, you think--asks. "I know this all must be pretty strange."

"Yeah," Tilly murmurs. "We just wanna make sure you're doin' okay."

You blink, then immediately switch gears. They didn't catch you off-guard. Nosiree. "I'm okay." You shrug one shoulder. "Beats what I was doing back in my time."

Mary-Beth leans forward excitedly, and you briefly think she's going to grab your hand. You get ready to pull away, just in case.

"Must be quite the experience, time travel and all," she says, practically vibrating. "What's the future like, Y/N?"

"Mary-Beth," Karen admonishes with a roll of her eyes, "don't ask them that. Haven't they been through enough?"

"Oh lay off." Mary-Beth swats her away with a mischeivous grin. You can practically see the gears turning in her head. "I'm just askin' what everybody's thinkin'."

Your heart hammers in your chest as you think overtime about what to say. You're still not sure how this whole thing works, if there are things you shouldn't say, things that might prove catastrophic to the timeline and whatnot. Every science fiction movie you've ever seen suddenly plays in your head. And even though they all vary in success, one thing's clear: time is messy. Space-time is even messier. Travel through both? Might as well call it a goddamn hurricane.

Thankfully, Tilly notices your discomfort and gives Mary-Beth a hard look. "Y/N doesn't have to answer all your questions, y'know." She shifts into a glare. "Maybe give them some time to get used to everything first, okay?"

Bless Tilly Jackson, you decide. The only voice of reason in the bunch.

You're about to thank her, or maybe you're about to change the subject, when Uncle comes tearing up to your little group, that wild smile on his face you've learned means trouble. Still, when he mentions going to a small livestock town, you all but jump at the offer. You've been meaning to see what ordinary life looks like in the past. Maybe this is the perfect opportunity.

And no, you tagging along has nothing to do with the fact that Arthur's going to be there, too.  

// // // // // //

The journey into Valentine is pretty uneventful, save for a broken wagon... and someone getting kicked to death by their own horse. The girls scream when they see it, and Uncle jumps a little. Even Arthur mutters a soft "shit" under his breath. You, though, just stare. It isn't the first dead body you've seen. Probably won't be the last, either, if you have to guess.

"God, I wish that were me," you find yourself saying, thinking of the internet back in your time, of the dark humor, and how it's used as a coping mechanism.

Five heads immediately swivel your way. Tilly, Mary-Beth, and Karen stare at you with their mouths agape, while Uncle watches you like you've grown a third arm out of your chest. Arthur eyes you with a look you can't read, and you briefly wonder what's wrong. Then, it hits you like a sledgehammer and you internally groan.

Right, you think. Generational gaps.

"I'm joking," you explain. "It's how we cope in my time."

Luckily, Arthur chooses that moment to urge the horses forward, and the wagon starts toward Valentine again. The incident quickly fades, and the girls are soon buzzing with excitement. You can't help but feel a little anxious. Adjusting to the Van Der Linde gang has been tough; you don't want to be overwhelmed by everything once you get into town. With that in mind, you decide to stick close to Arthur. Just since he found you, that's all. It's the familiarity, you tell yourself. Nothing else.

Valentine isn't the most glamorous of places, but it's not too shabby, either. Immediately, you're in awe. A frontier town. An actual frontier town in the 1890's. The history nerd in you threatens to explode as you pass by the shops, the saloon, and the stables. Arthur stops the wagon in a little clearing just after the general store. You barely notice.

"Alright," he says, low and firm. "Remember: keep a low profile, but try an' find some leads. No trouble now, ya hear?"

The girls murmur various replies, then hop out of the wagon, dashing off like little dogs to sniff out something interesting.  You watch them go, then look back to Arthur, silently waiting for him to send you off on your own. He watches you for a moment, as if debating with himself, before he sighs and starts shoving Uncle out of the wagon.

"Go make yourself useful, old man."

Uncle grumbles something under his breath, but ultimately does as he's told. After a few seconds, he disappears into the general store. You're left alone with Arthur. Not that you particularly mind. It's better than any alternative you can think of. As you climb to the ground, legs cramped from the ride, you take a moment to look around. The town isn't really anything special. Oddly enough, you think of the time your best friend dragged you to a rodeo in the middle of Wyoming. Valentine looks something similar to that.

"Holding up okay?" Arthur says, startling you out of your thoughts. You can't help but jump a little when you turn around and find him right behind you. He gives you a look, then sighs and motions toward the stables with his head. "C'mon."

He starts off in their direction. You practically have to jog to keep up with him, but you don't really care about that. Honestly, the thrill of being in a different place (and the past at that) is enough to make you forgive just about anything.

"What d'ya think we'll find?" You ask, almost bouncing up and down with excitement. "Are we gonna--" You break off and lower your voice. "Are we gonna steal some horses?"

Arthur glances down at you and huffs out a laugh... well, half of one, for that matter. "You ain't stealin' anything for a while, Y/N."

"Oh." You don't even try to hide your disappointment. "No horses, then?"

He shakes his head, laughing again when you pout. Briefly, you think of sticking out your foot and tripping him, but something tells you that wouldn't end well. You don't want a six-foot-something, pissed off outlaw chasing you around... especially when he's your ride home.

The two of you reach the stables, and Arthur holds the door for you. You skip past him, stopping dead when you catch sight of the rows and rows of stalls. The horses are absolutely beautiful. Almost instantly, your eyes zero in on a Appaloosa gelding, and before you know what you're doing, you're walking over and gently touching the tip of his nose. He whinnies softly, nuzzling your hand a few seconds later. And as you stare at him, absently stroking the side of his face, you realize Arthur's moved to stand beside you.

"I think he likes me," you say. You brush the horse's mane back from his forehead. "Always wanted a horse."

The corners of Arthur's lips twitch, but he doesn't smile. Instead, he looks at the stall--at the price--and shakes his head.

"Maybe next time, Y/N." He gently steers you away. "Why don't you check on Uncle, make sure he ain't dead. I'll finish up here."

You sigh and head out of the stables, narrowly missing a pile of horse manure. A quick peek at the general store reveals Uncle's passed out cold in the front. You shake your head with a small grin. At least you don't have to worry about him causing any trouble.

As you start to head toward him, you catch sight of Tilly. You can tell by the look on her face that something's wrong, awfully wrong, and almost on cue, an angry-looking man grabs her arm and hauls her toward an alley. You feel your breath hitch. Still, you're practically running their way before you can stop and think about a better approach. You have no ideas, no plan other than go go go. Not that it matters. From what it looks like, Tilly needs somebody there--right now.

You round the corner and see her pressed against the wall, the angry man's face close to hers. Neither one of them seems to know you're there. Good. Taking those blessed extra seconds, you spy a rock on the ground and quickly pick it up. It's decent in size. Won't kill a man, but it'll hurt like hell. That's all you need.

With aim that's really more luck than skill, you hurl the rock at the man with all the force you can muster. It strikes him square on the side of the head. Solid. A great hit. He stumbles to the side a little as Tilly's wild, frightened eyes find yours. Something about them makes you more brazen than before, and you take a few steps toward the man, hands clenched into fists.

"Back off," you hiss. "Now."

The man, who unfortunately looks like he's recovered from his shock, glares at you. Then, before you can even track him, he's barreling toward you, grabbing your shoulders and pinning you against the side of the alley. You feel the breath leave your lungs in one big gust.

"You made a helluva mistake," he snarls, putrid breath wafting over your face.

You gag and try to get a knee or a leg or something up to hit him, but there's no use. He's got you trapped. Dimly, you're aware that Tilly's gone, and you have a brief moment of triumph. Smart girl. The last thing you need is for her to get hurt, too.

"My entire life's a mistake," you gasp out between gulps for air. "... Why don't you add this to the list?"

Whether that was the right thing to say or not, you'll never know. In the next few seconds, just as you're certain the guy's reeling his fist back for a punch, his weight's suddenly gone and you're slumping to the ground. You can hear shouting, cursing, and words you really don't want to repeat. And through it all--one thing is constant.

Arthur's here.

Several seconds later (or maybe it's minutes; you honestly lose track of time), strong, warm hands are hauling you upright. They're also surprisingly gentle. Calloused and slightly bloody, but gentle.

"Easy, Y/N," Arthur soothes when your breathing becomes frantic. "You're alright."

Somehow, you find the courage to look up at him. He's watching you, concern in his eyes, and you hate that you're the cause of it. Still, you've never been more glad to see him.

"I thought he was gonna kill me," you find yourself saying. Then--you start to laugh. Hysterical, unstoppable chortles that come from no rational part of your mind. "Oh man, I looked the Devil in the eye and walked backwards into hell, didn't I?"

Arthur frowns, then glances around. You're suddenly aware that a crowd's gathering... and that it's probably a good idea to get the hell out of town.

"C'mon," he says, carefully leading you back to the wagon. "I think that's enough excitement for one day."

Finally got around to writing my Arthur Morgan x Modern!Reader multi-chapter fic. Y’know... the one I promised ages and ages ago. Hope ya enjoyed! I’ll also be posting this to AO3 under the username Nopride4531, so if ya wanna leave a comment or a kudos, feel free!

Likes, reblogs, and comments are much appreciated! Take care y’all!

Next Chapter: Lionheart

Inspired Playlist Track: Panic! At the Disco -- “High Hopes”

[neerasrealm]

Miscellaneous Slender family hcs because this blog has been lacking in found family content recently

Slender mansion is inside a fae circle that keeps it hidden away from people. 

In order to get in you need either a proxy mark or be a fae yourself. 

Sally was the first kid to be adopted

She was the only kid for a while. Jack and Slender sorta learned all their parenting from trial and error with her

Sally is more mature than she appears and can act like an adult when she feels like it, but most of the time she's just a bossy ten year old

She looks down at you from her LEGO throne and sips apple juice

Dina and Sally share a room. Not because there's no space, but because Dina has trouble sleeping and having Sally with her makes it a lot easier

Dina doesn't leave Sally's room much unless she's pushed to. 

Dina loves Slender and LJ very much. Angel dads <3 she cares about them so much

Jack is secretly her favourite

Smile dog has a doghouse out back

Everyone takes turns walking smile dog, but most of the time it's Jeff

Smile dog is fuckin MASSIVE dude

It's pretty common to find him sleeping on the couch curled up on top of someone (mostly Jeff, Tim and LJ)

Smile dog is a registered therapy dog <3 he helps Jeff and the others when they're not doing okay mentally

At least three times a week you'll hear Tim yell "CODY!" followed by an explosion, banging and crashing, screaming and maniacal laughter

Tim originally didn't like Cody or EJ much but now he's almost always hanging around with them

If he's not with them he's in the lounge area of the basement

Cody can be kind of violent and mean but he really means the best. He's just really bad with empathy and has his own insecurities to grapple with

He just wants someone to tell him he's smart man :(

Cody is in charge of making all the meds the creeps need, since very few of them can actually go to a hospital or therapist due to being dead/murderers/not human

EJ gives everyone their checkups and makes sure they're doing okay

Ben's room is always open to people. If you need somewhere to chill he'll welcome you in and invite you to play something with him

If someone in the mansion isn't doing okay, the others will know, and they will try to cheer them up at all costs

"Get up bitch, we're getting you some love and support!"

Jeff is surprisingly friendly towards newcomers. He tries to learn about them and befriend them

Sometimes, if you listen very closely, you can hear Liu practicing music upstairs

He's very soft-spoken, but his singing? Dripping with emotion. It's kind of freaky how quickly he can go from his positive nice self to nearly on the verge of tears

Oh and sometimes he just walks around the mansion playing random shit on his saxophone (most of the time it's Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up)

Jeff loses his shit every single time it never gets old to him

"Hey Liu, what're you playing?"

"It's Die Young by Kesha lol"

Splendor lives in the same fae circle as the mansion! He has a little wooden cabin further into the woods. He's always welcome to visitors

If you get lost in the woods and he finds you he'll invite you over for tea or coffee before returning you to the mansion

He visits Slender every couple of weeks, and usually brings freshly grown flowers with him

The kids like seeing him because he's always up to date on modern slang and media, unlike Slender

Trender only really visits on holidays and birthdays but brings extravagant gifts to make up for it

Not many people know it but there's a small space in the attic that has pillows, a mattress, blankets and some old busted up bean bags set up in front of an old TV

This area was set up by Momo! She usually stays up in her room or in the attic. she’s not super social v.v

Liu goes up with her pretty often and watches movies with her. They're extremely close

Helen barely leaves his room

Huge bags under his eyes. Nobody has ever seen him sleep

Always drawing

Always covered in paint, pastels, chalk and charcoal

When he DOES leave his room, it's usually just to eat, pee and buy more art supplies

He can also be found crouched behind walls and furniture drawing people

They pretend not to notice him and keep still till he moves on

Helen sometimes gives art classes. He's a surprisingly patient teacher

I say that but he'd also stab you with whatever he's holding at the time if you get on his nerves

Jeff still has a piece of graphite embedded in his skin. smh.

Speaking of lessons, Slender homeschools the creeps who need it

His lessons aren't really lessons and more like long conversations about specific topics. Very occasionally he gives tests and most of the homework is just opinion pieces where they can say whatever they want

Jeff discovered a love for history because of Slender

He's surprisingly good at learning when it's a topic he likes

Slender always tries to adapt his lessons to what the kids enjoy and encourages them to find what they love

He also encourages them to find hobbies! He wants his kids to be able to de-stress and let their emotions out in a positive way

Cody learned to knit because of this

Jeff likes embroidery and likes to embroider stuff onto his clothes

EJ is trying to learn to knit too but it's hard when his eyesight is so poor :(

[mysweetgirl2-love]

Livestream~ (corpse_husband x reader)

Alright, I’ve skipped ahead a few prompts because I’ve been just too excited to write out this idea and I was falling behind... so I will be going back, but I’ve skipped to my day 9 prompt. Slight (SLIGHT) exhibition. To reiterate the title, this is a oneshot about you and Corpse. I want to just say that this Corpse is him as a character and not him as a person. Think of a “fanon” version of some sorts. I know that the real Corpse is a very private person (obviously) and I would hate for him to be uncomfortable if he were to ever find this. I am really just writing this for comfort and the enjoyment of others. So, without further ado, enjoy!

Word Count: 5,958

Day 9 - Exhibition (Implied)

“Yo! YO! It’s Corpse! It’s fucking Corpse, holy shit-“

“What? Literally how?”

“I- fucking- I saw you legit go into electrical with pewds, leave, for me to then go up and find his body right next to the vent.”

“He was doing the upload task, I think, cuz’ I left him there when he was alive. You definitely self-reported.”

“Toast, you gotta believe me, it’s fucking Corpse.”

The arguments while playing this game were some of the most frustrating and yet exciting conversations you’d had in ages. Especially when it came down to the final two. That was the jackpot.

“Ah… nah, Fable, you’ve been super sus this entire round. There’s no way you did card swipe that quickly-“

“WHAT?!”

The two dings from your headset indicated that the remaining players had voted which only left you. Since Toast didn’t believe you, Corpse had this round in the bag. God. Damnit.

“Fucking- Fine. Thank god for your detective skills, Toast,” You grumbled bitterly, pouting on camera as you voted for the black avatar. Corpse’s avatar.

“You’re just mad that I figured you out..” The streamer teased, you rolling your eyes in response to his unmatched “knowledge.”

“Yeah, yeah, totally… Corpse is just too fucking good at this game, I swear to god,” You continued, definitely a little irritated that the match turned on you so fast.

It didn’t help when all you could do was helplessly watch from the other side of the screen as your purple avatar launched out into space. Oh well, it was over.

“Heh… I’m just glad you admit it,” The deep voice filled your headphones making you roll your eyes.

The screen suddenly darkened, a red gleam appearing as two characters stood next to one another. Spedicey and, who would’ve guessed, Corpse. Shocking.

“What?!” Toast exclaims.

“I can’t BELIEVE you didn’t think it was him!” Lily speaks up.

“You’re a fuckin’ idiot, Toast,” Felix almost groans, sounding slightly annoyed.

“Seriously…” You comment, smirking slightly at the groan of confusion from the man in question.

“What? Fable, you were so sus that entire round!” Toast stressed, your headphones filling with laughter as you clicked to play again.

“What do you mean?! I Iegit just scanned my card and you’re trying to call me on it! For NO good reason!” You retorted, wanting to facepalm so hard.

“I didn’t think you could do it that fast!” He yelled back, “I thought you were faking it, there was no way!”

“The only one who really struggles with card swipe here is Corpse,“ Jack cut in, you erupting in laughter at his words.

“What?- Uh- Come on, don’t do me like that…” He essentially growled into the mic, your arms erupting with goosebumps at the sound of him once again.

“That’s not true either! Jack, you know how hard card swipe is!” Valkarae stood up for the deep spoken imposter, “…but you guys both won anyway. So, whatever…”

You all simply laughed along with one another at that, the frustration fading as you mentally prepared yourself for another round of this thought-provoking game. Or… so you thought.

“Hey, can we actually hold off for a second? I need to use the bathroom-“ Lily asked, you smiling at how gentle her voice always was.

A stark contrast to the one that followed.

“Yeah, same here. Gamer bladder,” Corpse followed.

You shook your head at the later comment, clearing your throat as before leaning in towards your mic, “So, 5 minute break then?”

“Yeah.”

“Sounds good!”

“Sure, I’ll just be here.”

Felix, Rae, and Jack responded.

“…Sykunno?” You asked, having not heard his voice in awhile.

“He left to use the bathroom after he finished his tasks in the last round, texted me saying something about getting a snack,” Toast replied for him, you nodding to no one in particular but your chat.

“Got it,” You pressed the mute button for discord and turned to your face cam, “Guess I’ll run to the restroom as well, stay tuned!”

You clicked a few things to allow an ad to run across your stream, labeling it for around four minutes before reaching for your headphones. You placed them on your desk and sighed, leaning back in your chair.

You heard the door in the hallway open, smiling gently to yourself before standing from the chair. You turned towards your own closed door, taking the appropriate amount of steps to open it before peaking around the doorway.

“Hm…” You walked out slightly, turning towards the closed bathroom door and smirking before creeping out of your room and over to his.

Corpse’s room. Your boyfriend.

You and Corpse had started seeing each other a month or two into quarantine during the pandemic. Having known each other a year or two from both of your professions bringing you together under the circumstances, it seemed appropriate.

He was a real-life horror story teller, taking people’s information by email and anonymously telling their tales. You? You told mythologies of all kinds through your own renditions of the stories with art. You also managed to make the stories more light hearted and funny with a few jokes now and then, and people seemed to appreciate the humor you found in some of the topics.

Your channel name had always been Fantasized Fables, a little odd but it got your content across. Since your channel hit, your name was no secret but people liked calling you Fable.

You honestly thought it made you sound a lot more badass than you actually were.

Either way, somehow you got connect through a couple of friends and instantly clicked. Corpse was… well, Corpse. You didn’t know that you’d helped him so much when he actually told you what was going on. The endless nights where you would both be up at an ungodly hour and just dm-ing one another. It started after a few nights you both saw each other online, quickly progressing into something much bigger than that.

It got deep all the time. You both had so many thoughts about life and each other’s and your own… you felt so safe when telling this faceless internet friend all your deepest, darkest thoughts. But, you knew Corpse had more. He always told you more, you almost wanted more to comfort him over. The feelings started to fester and grow… there was no stopping how you felt about him.

The day you two actually met was never going to be forgotten, by either of you. It was unintentional, almost straight from a movie. You had, at this point, exchanged contact information and had been now calling for the majority of May. Not to mention, you both found out you lived in SoCal, only progressing  On this particular afternoon, you texted him that you were going on a coffee run to Starbucks… him saying he was going out for the first time as well.

Masked up and muffled, you of course could tell it was his voice from across the street. The slightly amplified “oh fuck” was the biggest giveaway you could’ve imagined. Your eyes looking up to find a man, dressed in complete black, chains and earrings, shaggy black hair- there was so doubt in your mind.

You called his name, his eyes looking up to find yours across the way… traffic laws weren’t going to stop the saint up to him and into his arms. A big, long, well-deserved embraced you knew the both of you needed. He had always been so kind… and gentle… him being physically there was just so… relieving.

The rest is history, and you honestly moved into his apartment as quickly as you could. You couldn’t stand him living alone like that anymore, and he obviously let you in without a second thought.

You both were extremely happy to have each other, and it just kept getting better from there.

You gently shut the door behind you, creeping over to his setup and sliding into his chair, humming softly as you watched the endless chat messages buildup along the screen and peering at the number of viewers he had now achieved.

JEEEZUS christ, 200k?! That’s insane! You thought, widening your eyes at the number on the screen.

Your streams only ever reached 90k, which was a lot more than you had expected. The number was slowly growing now, though… ever since Corpse blew up on tiktok for just posting videos of his hands.

Wild.

You clicked through a few comments, watching super comments flash along the chat as well as mods trying to attempt to get slow chat to work. You couldn’t help but slightly laugh at the struggle, turning back towards the game as a few of the avatars began bouncing around with one another. People were getting back to the game.

You were about to shift around in his seat, reaching for the keyboard to type something in game when two larger hands came gently down on your shoulders. They pushed you gently down against the chair, causing it to lean back with your body. A face moved next to your ear, lips grazing against the skin.

“Whattup Baby?~” That low voice growled, you gently flinching at the rumbling next to your ear.

You turned to find Corpse grinning down at you, his hands easing up off your body and reaching for your face. His right hand came in contact with your cheek, gently squeezing against it as he slowly walked around the chair and crouched down. To be right beneath your eye level.

“Hi..” You hummed, leaning over to press your lips against his forehead before leaning back to look in his maroon-like eyes.

“Why’re you in my chair? You need to get back to your own stream, silly~” He hummed, beginning to stand as he reached for your arm to pull you out of the chair.

You grinned, your head falling back begrudgingly as he easily pulled you from the comfortable seat.

“Wait…! I just wanted to see you…” You lightly whined, him chuckling in response as you stood on your two feet. Him replacing the spot where you had sat.

“Uhuh… and why’s that?” He teased lightly, you couldn’t help but scoff gently while your heart rate increased. He always had that effect on you.

“Well, I mean… I wanted to both congratulate and bother you about your… fucking imposter round-“ He erupted in laughter, you grinning along with him with a simple eye roll, “hey! Let me finish, it was a good round, I’ll give you that… but you threw me under the bus while doing it…! For no reason!”

He raised his brow lightly, his laughter coming to a soft chuckle as he shrugged, “I mean, I gotta keep my title as ‘too fucking good at imposter.’ Sorry, princess…”

You playfully glared in his direction, a stupid smirk spreading across his face. Your lower lip jutted out from your upper one, crossing your arms as you simply pouted in response. He huffed in response, his smirk turning to more of a smile as he reached back out for you.

“C’mere…” He grumbled, his hand grabbing your arm as he pulled you back down to the chair.

“Wait- Ah!” You almost fell against him, barely able to catch yourself against the arm rests on his chair. You looked up, slightly panicked from the sudden fall, to find Corpse smirking right back.

“Wait for what? You’re not ready for affection?” He asked softly, his hand reaching up to push a few loose strands of hair behind your ear.

“N-No, that’s not it…” You mumbled, letting your gaze fall to his chest, seeing the definition of his body through his baggy sweater.

You felt fingers press against the underside of your chin, pushing your face up to look back towards him. You felt your face flush in embarrassment, smiling nervously as his smirk had never faltered.

“You don’t look very sure of yourself…” he whispered to you.

You gently bit at the inside cheek, shrugging quickly, “C-Cuz’ I’m not…”

He chuckled deeply, leaning in slightly as he grabbed you by the lips, gently humming against your mouth as his hands gripped your sides.

You whimpered softly against him, beginning to kiss back as you readjusted yourself in his lap. You quietly wrapped your arms around the back of his neck as you leaned against him.

He chuckled softly, moving his lips against yours as his hands gently slipped up beneath the sides of your shirt and lovingly stroked at your now exposed skin.

“God, you’re so beautiful…” he whispered against you, catching your lips quickly as he continued, “You’re too perfect, fuck… too fucking perfect…”

“Corpse, I-..” You kissed him again, one of your hands reaching up towards his head as you tangled your fingers into the back of his hair.

He hummed against your mouth, squeezing your sides gently as his smily broke out into a grin. The tip of his nose pressed against yours as he sighed, “Yes, princess?~”

“Careful, we need to get back to the game…” You whispered, growing a little nervous as he chuckled.

“They can wait…” He sighed, leaning back in to press his lips back to yours, kissing you deeply once again.

You squeaked lightly, timid as ever before you kissed back. You felt his teeth grazing against your lower lip, gently nipping at the skin. You couldn’t help but slightly moan, pulling away from your lips as he trailed light kisses down your chin and along your jaw.

He was going for your neck, getting there before you could express any protest. You sighed loudly as his lips connected to the skin right below your ear, gently growling against you as you felt a slight wet sensation lick against your earlobe. You shivered, the side of your face falling to the top of his head as he continued his attack on your neck.

“Fuck, Corpse~”

“God, you sound so beautiful baby… you keep acting like this and after the stream? I’ll have no choice but to-“

The desk behind you started vibrating in loud, long buzzes. Both of you freezing in your spots as you turned over your shoulder to find Corpse’s phone lighting up with a phone call.

You quirked your brow, “Who’d be calling you this early in the morning?”

It was 12 pm, you both had woken up at 10 am to actually get ready in time to stream. It wasn’t early for the world, but it was early for this apartment.

“I don’t know… weird,” He leaned forward in his chair, you holding tight against his chest as he grabbed the phone and brought it towards the two of you.

You both looked down at the contact name on the screen, your eyes widening at the name that read.

“Why- hm…” Corpse quickly swiped to answer the call, holding the speaker up to his ear, “Hey Rae, everything okay-“

He stopped suddenly mid sentence, his eyes widening as his cheeks lit up in a bright red. It had to have been the most embarrassed you’d ever seen him, his eyes falling to yours as you read the panic within them.

“R-Right- shit… s-sorry- I-I’ll turn it down now… bye,“ He quickly brought the phone away, immediately hanging up as his eyes flashed towards the chat function on his stream.

“Is… Is everything okay…?” You asked hesitantly, leaning over slightly to read for yourself what people had to say. Did something happen in chat while you guys were preoccupied?

Corpse didn’t respond, his eyes just scanned what the letters read on screen. You frowned, you confusion growing by the second. He hit a button on the keyboard, did he just unmute?

A strained laugh left his mouth, falling back in the chair with you still in his arms. His eyes found yours, his lips slowly turning to a grin before he laughed one of the hardest laughs you had yet to hear from him.

Your eyes widened, completely baffled at this point.

“Corpse, please- What happened?”

“We- We- AHA! We were unmuted!! That ENTIRE time!” He cackled, his hand landing on his chest to almost support him in some way.

You, on the other hand, went from complete befuddlement to absolute humiliation. There was no way THAT was just heard by hundreds upon thousands of people. No fucking way.

“Wh-What??” You began to panic, reaching for his broad shoulders and gently holding onto them, “Wh-What are you even t-talking about?!”

He gently gripped onto you in return, readjusting you against him as he held you there. His laughter died down before he leaned forward and pressed a kiss against your nose.

You both were open that you were in a relationship, people knew… but, that doesn’t mean you necessarily wanted them to hear..

“Hey, baby, don’t worry… it could’ve been a lot worse… We’re fine~” he reassured, your brow still tensed from your worry. You knew the worst had already happened when he blew up, but how would they use his voice in that kind of tone…

You didn’t want to think about it too much. Not jealous, more just… weirded out. Who knew how people would use your voice in that tone either? You didn’t dwell on it.

“Ah, o-okay… yeah, nothing we need to worry about now,” You nodded with him, his gentle features turning to a warm smile. He brought his hand up to your cheek, his thumb gently swiping across your skin as he hummed.

“Mhm, all is fine… I promise,” He mumbled to you, leaning in softly to press his lips back against your forehead.

You sighed, pausing against him for a moment before leaning away, “Well… p-probably shouldn’t keep them waiting m-much longer…”

Corpse raised his brow gently smiling sadly in agreement with a slight nod. He gently reached for your hips once again, holding them gently as he helped hoist you back onto your two feet. You yelped softly as you let yourself be lifted, extending your two legs to meet the floor.

You stood still for a moment, your eyes meeting his as you timidly smiled, “S-Sorry about the mic thing… I should’ve stayed in my stream.”

You nervously laughed, his smile never faltering as yours broke out into a grin. Your slight guilt written all over your features.

“No, no, you’re totally fine… don’t apologize,” He hummed, his thumbs gently pressing against your hips as he kept reassuring.

“Okay, haha… now we’ll never forget to check our mics,” You winked softly, your hands grabbing onto his larger ones and squeezing them gently in return.

“Haha… never,” He nodded softly, tilting his head gently to the side as he simply watched you.

You sighed, begrudgingly pulling his hands from your hips as you took a small step away. You gently bounced on the balls of your feet, awkwardly putting your hands together behind your back.

“Hm… well! I- uh… will see you in game…” You smiled, his body turning in his chair as he leaned his chin against two of his fingers that you had freshly reapplied black nail polish that night before.

His brow raised quizzically at you, the damn smirk playing at his lips once again. His fingers flexed slightly, his hands following the motion. You could see the veins running down his wrist from where you stood.

He briefly chuckled, “Yeah… I’ll see you there, baby…”

With that, he turned back towards his screen while you didn’t hesitate towards the door. You walked over and grabbed the handle, briefly turning back to the darkened man on the screen, clicking away at the bursts of notifications he was getting from discord.

Oops.

“I love you-“ You flushed, his eyes pulling away from his screen to find you in the doorway. You could see the tint of pink along his cheeks in the darkness of the room.

“…I love you too. Hurry though, Rae is flipping out-“ He laughed, you not wasting a second more to close the door and bound back over to your recording room.

You shut the door behind you, looking up towards your brightened monitor and feeling your breath catch in your chest. You could see your chat blowing up from here, your phone lighting up with MULTIPLE notifications… God, what an unfortunate mistake for Corpse to have made.

You quicken your pace back to your chair, sliding in and putting your headphones back atop of your head. Your camera had come back on in the time you were gone, giving the device a nervous grin before turning towards the game.

“S-Sorry guys, didn’t mean to take that long- uhm…” Your eyes scanned over the chat, not surprised to find it full of caps-locked comments screaming about what happened on Corpse’s stream.

You sighed nervously, your eyes now finding your discord application notifying you that you had… almost fifty notifications?! You mentally had to roll your eyes, quickly turning back towards the camera with a sheepish smile.

“I- uh… I have to go for another minute- B-Be right back!” You laughed, turning on another ad before mentally cursing at yourself. God damnit- your eyes scanned over the viewers on your stream.

What the shit- when did I get 30k viewers?! What the hell?! Of course this is when your viewers decide to spike.

You groaned to yourself, your head falling to your hand as the other reached for your mouse. You clicked to your discord, slowly… but surely, un-deafened your mic.

“OH. MY. GOD. You FUCKING dumbass!” Rae yelled as soon as you unmuted, flinching at the pitch to her tone. It felt like you were being scolded.

“What?! I can’t show my girlfriend some love?!” Corpse replied, not yelling but a definite inflection in his tone.

“No! Nothing wrong with that! But CHECK your MIC next time!!” She laughed loudly. Oh my god.

“Jesus Christ, dude… or at least lower the sensitivity significantly…” Jack spoke up, almost sounding disappointed.

“Ey, welcome back, Fable-“ Felix spoke up, the cheeky grin evident in his tone.

What a fucking asshole-

“FABLE!”

“Oh my god-“

“You guys can’t wait til after stream?!”

“Wait, what am I joining into…?” A new voice intervened, interrupting Rae, Toast, and Lily.

Charlie, what a man, coming in at the worst time.

“H-Hey Charlie…” You spoke up in a greeting.

“Wha- Wait! Answer the question, Fable!” Lily squealed, a groan leaving your mouth as you fell towards your mic.

“I’m sorry! I-I really didn’t mean for it to happen! I had no clue-“

“Yeah, wait, this isn’t on Fable. She just went to go visit Corpse in the other room, guys, chill…” Felix actually stuck up for you, your face lifting in surprise as his words.

“Uh- yeah, actually, I guess that’s fair,” Jack commented, you nervously laughing in response.

“I… am so sorry to all of you,” You apologized softly, a gentle chorus of laughs following your meek apology.

“No, no, no, you’re so fine. You guys weren’t trying to broadcast whatever… that was…” Sykunno hummed awkwardly, you laughing lightly at his uncertainty.

“It was a poor mistake on my part, I’m sorry, Fable…” Corpse spoke up, you grinning at the sound of his voice.

“N-No worries… hey, we already went over this in person. Can we get back to the game?” You grumbled, another fit of laughter through the group at your excusing of the situation.

“Ahaha, yeah let’s get back into it,” Toast replied, the sound of his mouse clicking lightly being heard in the call.

You sighed, deafening yourself once again and turning back on your stream, “Hey everyone, yep… yep, everything’s fine. No worries, I promise, haha. We took a break for a little longer than expected, but we’re back!”

You un-deafened and were met with sound of a very very confused Charlie, “Wait… so… no one’s going to explain to me what happened?”

You all erupted into loud laughter, you falling back slightly in your chair as you cackled. The first voice to come back was Rae, shockingly.

“Don’t worry, Charlie… we’ll tell you later,” She snickered, you laughing along as you came back to your keyboard.

“So… we can start now, though?” Toast spoke up once again.

You began to give confirmations of “yes” with soft ‘yeah’s and ‘mhm’s. Lazy, but it got the point across.

“Cool, starting the next round…” He clicked play again and the countdown began.

“Alright, everyone, remember to MUTE your mics!” Jack spoke up, you rolling your eyes in response as Corpse’s laugh raised above the rest.

“Will do. Thanks,” He chuckled, a louder laugh sounding through the call once again from all mics.

Your screen turned dark, the red avatar of the Among Us character moving to shush you from the screen. You sighed, watching it turn dark again.

“Yeah- yeah, you’re welcome!” Jack played along, grinning softly at the joke as the screen began lighting up once against.

Your screen displayed your avatar next to Corpse’s, the bright red letters of “Imposter” reading across the computer. You raised your eyebrows, making sure you were completely muted on call before chuckling.

“Oh… Hell yeah. Let’s go…”

[365days365movies]

January 25, 2021: The Poseidon Adventure (1972)

The disaster movie is, oddly enough, a subgenre of action, while also throwing in a splash of adventure. What I mean by that is, like adventure, focus is slightly shifted away from the characters acting against each other, and towards interactions between the characters and the environment around them. Essentially, an external environmental factor, outside of humans, is the antagonist, sometimes quite literally.

Now, obviously, humans can still be villains in disaster movies, but the conflict of the film always have to revolve around the disaster itself, with all other characters merely players in a large conflict. In other words, you got a main guy, shit explodes, and our main guy has to survive, sometimes with assholes getting in their way. Disaster movies in a nutshell, right there.

This movie trend began with 1970’s Airport, considered by most to be one of the crown jewels of the genre, especially at the time. They died in the mid-’70s, and the 1981 movie Airplane! (one of my favorite comedies) was the death knell for the genre...for about 13 years. I grew up in the reboot era of the disaster movie, with Independence Day, Twister, The Day After Tomorrow, War of the Worlds, Titanic, etc. 

But today, we’re looking at what’s said to be the best of the best: the 1972 Academy Award-winning Ronald Neame film The Poseidon Adventure. This is Titanic before Titanic, but also after A Night to Remember...and the actual Titanic, obviously. All I know going in is that the ship is GOING DOWN. Also, Mermaid-Man’s in it. Hi, Ernest Borgnine!

Let’s go! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

So, the opening text tells us RIGHT OFF that it’s New Years Eve, and that this ship, the S.S. Poseidon, is fucked. I’m impressed that we’re getting that out of the way immediately.

We cut to the ship, a cruise liner full of passengers during a storm. The Captain of the ship, Captain Harrison (Leslie Nielsen...LESLIE NIELSEN???)

From Airplane!? Wow! Never seen him in a dramatic role, so that’s awesome!

Anyway, things ain’t goin’ perfect. While a representative of the new owners of the ship forces them to go full speed (at considerable risk), the passengers include the disgruntled Mike Rogo (Ernest Borgnine) and his wife, Linda (Stella Stevens), the latter of which is going through a bout of seasickness. Other passengers include wide-eyed child Robin Shelby (Eric Shea) and his frustrated teenage sister Susan (Pamela Sue Martin); lonely runner James Martin (Red Buttons); married couple Betty and Manny Rosen (Shelley Winters and Jack “Grandpa Joe Who Could Walk The Whole Goddamn Time The Fuckin’ Faker” Albertson); “modern” preacher Reverend Frank Scott (Gene Hackman) and the more traditional Chaplain John (Arthur O’Connell); and singer Nonnie Parry (Carol Lynley), with her waiter admirer Acres (Roddy McDowall).

We’re introduced to these people in quick and efficient fashion, as well as their modus operandi. Rogo’s a detective-lieutenant, and his wife has a troubled past as a prostitute (and their relationship history is...complicated). The Shelby siblings are headed to see their parents overseas. James Martin’s a fitness-conscious bachelor and haberdasher who goes on morning runs. The Rosens have a son and 2-year old grandson in Israel that they’re going to visit, and are likely staying there. Frank Scott is an outspoken preacher, who believes that God only helps those who help themselves, and has been sent to Africa as a sort of punishment. And Nonnie Parry...well…

Well, she’s singing the song that won this movie the 1972 Academy Award for Best Original Song. YEAH. THAT SONG. You’ve almost certainly heard it, and its fame has far surpassed this movie at this point. 

That night, the song is sung at a New Years Party, at which all of our players are assembled. The Captain leaves for the deck, and discovers that an earthquake has just taken place off the coast of Crete. And underwater earthquakes create tsunamis. And tsunamis...well...the ship’s in for some trouble. Batten down, people. The New Year begins with great bombast and celebration...as the wall of water approaches.

Party’s over.

The ship tips, as the wall of water hits, and EVERYBODY goes falling. And I mean FALLING, it’s one hell of a scene. The ship flips entirely upside down, and people holding on to tables quickly fall. The lights go out. And all is quiet.

As the passengers come to, we get an accounting...of the survivors. After all, no way everyone could’ve survived that. The Rogos, Rosens, Rev. Scott, Nonnie, Acres, Martin, and the Shelbys all survive, although some of them need to be a little rescued from the ceiling.

The ship is now upside down. I’m sure that’ll be an issue eventually. For now, with some argument, Reverend Scott leads everyone in an effort to get up to the former floor, where injured waiter Acres is waiting. They use a Christmas tree as a ladder, and begin to climb up to a doorway out. Although, not everyone is inclined to go. Nonnie is the only surviving member of her band, which included her brother, and is only convinced by Martin to go. 

The group of people that we’ve been following go, but literally everybody else stays behind. Sadly, this includes Chaplain John, who’s resigned himself and the other to their likely fatal end. He and Reverend Scott have a heart-to-heart, and Scott makes one last plea to the rest. However, the ship’s Purser (Byron Webster) insists that they must stay behind and wait for help, and the vast majority agree with him. And as soon as our group gets to safety…

This movie...this movie is fucking brutal. The throngs panic and try to climb to safety, but the tree falls...and everybody dies as the ship begins its descent. And the Reverend watches. And holy shit. I’m shook. Real talk, I am SHAKEN by this, about as much as the Reverend is. This is...whoof.

The group head towards the kitchen, and find a fire door sealed in place. The reverend tries to open it, despite Rogo’s very realistic and good warnings about flashover (the event during which fresh oxygen is introduced to an oxygen-starved fire, reigniting it violently and quickly). Despite this, Rogo helps him with the door, and the fire is luckily not a flashover. Rev. Scott goes in and makes it out, scouting a path through the fire (and the bodies).

They all make it through the kitchen, getting closer to the engine room. And that’s when the water starts coming in.

Once again, they all make it through, and begin traversing the next obstacle: a narrow tunnel that leads to a ventilation shaft with a ladder. Also, Linda (Rogo’s wife) is wearing VERY TALL high heels as she climbs up the ladder. Lady. DROP THE SHOES!!!! 

They continue to make it through the shaft...and then another explosion hits! We lose our first party member, as Acres loses his footing and falls. Rogo almost goes with him, and Nonnie’s paralyzed with fear until Martin helps her.

By the way, I realize that reading this might be a bit cumbersome, as there are a lot of names here. But when you WATCH the movie, all of these people are distinct enough that remembering them isn’t too bad. And now...there are even more people.

That’s right! There are more people, being led by the Ship’s Doctor (Jan Arvan)...in the wrong direction. They head towards the bow, towards the water, despite Scott’s warnings. Scott’s frustration, the loss of Acres, and Rogo’s stubbornness leads to a confrontation. This leads to Scott making a bet with Rogo. He’ll scout ahead for a path to the engine room, and if there isn’t one, they’ll also head toward the bow. Rogo agrees, and gives him 15 minutes. Scott leaves, with Susan Shelby (teenage sister, remember) following behind. The rest search for food and supplies in the rooms nearby.

To Scott’s great dismay, however, the main passage to the engine room is destroyed. With Susan’s help, they look for more passages, eventually finding a path covered in oil. The Rosens have their own heart-to-heart, with Belle resigned to death, and Manny clinging to hope. Martin and Nonnie go together, with Nonnie breaking down over her lost brother, and Martin comforting her as best he can. They eventually reconvene, with Scott returned from the engine room successfully. However...Robin is missing. 

Scott goes back to get him...and that’s when the water comes back.

They all once again make it...but the water’s now flooded the passageway to the engine room. Scott takes a rope and tries to swim through the passageway, with the rope being used to guide everyone else through once he makes it. But, of course, he gets stuck when a metal sheet collapses on top of him. But that’s when a surprising ringer steps up to help.

Belle Rosen, the down-on-herself, most resigned-to-death member of the party, also happens to be a former swimming champion. She makes it through, and saves Scott from drowning...and has a heart attack in the process. She gives Scott a pendant for her grandson...and dies.

And that’s when I start tearing up. Fuck. I mean it, her death really got me. Talk about a heroic sacrifice.

Rogo goes to find them, and discovers that Belle’s gone. Scott tells him to get the others, without telling Manny what happened. But Manny figures it out, diving into the water. The rest follow, although Nonnie can’t swim. Martin tells her that he won’t go without her, and they go together. Manny’s the first to make it to the other side...and he sees Belle.

And that’s when I tear up again. FUCK.

Manny initially won’t leave Belle, and Scott pleas with him to come with. He asks to stay with her a little longer, and Scott relents. He gives Belle one last kiss...and goes to join the others. Thank God. I need Manny Rosen to live, goddammit. In fact...I really don’t want to lose anyone else.

A harrowing climb to the engine room takes place, and we reach the final door. And then, of course...an explosion.

Linda dies. Goddammit. And Rogo lashes out at Scott, blaming him for her death. But there’s no time for that now. Explosions cause a steam pipe to explode, blocking the exit, prompting Scott to do his own lashing out: at God. He jumps to open a valve for the rest, despite the hot steam. He screams at God to take him, instead of another of their lives. And in the process, he shuts off the steam...and his plea is answered in turn.

As Scott dies, he asks Rogo to get the rest through. But Rogo’s listless, not responding at all. Martin reams him out, rousing him again and getting him up to lead the survivors. 6 people left...and only 5 minutes of movie to go. They get to the thinnest part of the hull, where they hear scraping from the outside. They bang on the hull with pipes, and banging responds. A torch cuts through the hull...BUT IT’S NOT A TORCH, IT’S AN EXPLOSION AND EVERYBODY DIES

Kidding, of course, as they get rescued! And as they mourn their fallen, it’s discovered that these 6...are the only survivors. In the entire ship, these six were the only ones to make it out.

And THAT...is The Poseidon Adventure. FUCK TITANIC. See you in the Epilogue.

[brutcllysoft]

the infamous couch breakdown ft. @devilwomcn

setting: reina’s house, april 2020

REINA:

It’s late when Reina pulls into her driveway on a Friday night in late April, a little tipsier than she probably should be behind the wheel but a few of her colleagues had invited her out to happy hour, and given the week she’s had she deserved it. Hell, given the year she’s had, she deserves to get drunk every fucking night of the week at least. Reina’s happy to be home though, looking forward to slipping into something more comfortable than her usual stifling dress and dagger sharp stiletto combination with a tall glass of wine and Cookie snuggling up beside her. She doesn’t even register that Rowan’s own vehicle is parked in the visitor section of her driveway, too used to seeing it there to think anything of it. That is, until she opens her front door and the sounds of a very loud movie and sniffle can be heard all the way from her living room. And then it comes back to her — Andrew’s new single had dropped earlier today, and she should’ve known Rowan wouldn’t take it well. God, she can be such a fucking idiot sometimes, and she knows it must be bad because aside from the fact that she can clearly hear a rom-com over Rowan’s crying noises, Cookie hasn’t even come to greet her, which means she’s either being smuggled or she’s too worried about Ro to focus on anything else.

“Shit.” The word tumbles from her lips as she walks through the foyer to put her bag down and take her shoes off, stopping at the kitchen to pour herself a much needed glass of red wine before she goes to check on Rowan. And it seems the blonde’s been partaking herself if the empty bottle and a half of wine sitting on her coffee table are anything to go by. Reina’s steps are light as she makes her way over to where Rowan lays horizontally on her couch, and she tries not to think about how her running mascara is sure to stain the throw pillows as she perches herself on the arm of the couch. “What happened?” Of course, Reina knows what happened, or at least she’s got a pretty good idea, but she has to ask anyway to at least get Rowan talking.

ROWAN:

This is probably the most pathetic thing she’s done in a while, which is really saying something considering in she’d starter off the new year by running away to fucking France because of a boy. The same boy she finds herself now staring down the bottom of her second bottle of white wine over, the one who it always seems to lead back to. The thought sparks a somewhat bitter laugh in the back of her throat, causing the dogs (both of who have taken up their respective places on either side of her --- who needs men when you’ve got dogs, right? At least they’re loyal.) to look up at her with wide eyes, but she hardly notices. She’s busy right now, desperately attempting to text back Tyson in a way that doesn’t make it obvious that she can barely see her keyboard, but she has a feeling she’s completely failing at that. She drops the phone on the table when she’s finished, picking up the bottle and sipping from the long straw she’d stuck in there when she uncorked it thirty minutes earlier, having decided on her first bottle that dirtying a glass just wasn’t worth it when she was fully intending to finish the bottle off.

It says something about her situational awareness that she doesn’t even hear Reina come in, and she jumps when the word ‘shit’ rings out through the living room. Honestly, there’s a mixture of embarrassment and comfort that come from the sight of Reina. The idea of anyone seeing her like this makes her want to crawl in a hole and fucking die but if anyone is going to see her in this state, at least it’s Reina and not someone else --- someone like her mother. Christ, if Addison could see her now. Honestly, the idea of her mother offering her any sort of comfort pulls yet another quiet laugh from her, one that she doesn’t bother to explain to Reina as she sits up on the couch, legs still sprawled out in front of her and she reaches for the remote and bottle of wine on the coffee table, sipping through the straw again and pausing her movie. Fuck Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson and their stupid happy ending. “Do I really need to explain it?” She asks, eyes already glassy as she turns her attention to Reina. She feels something inside of her break even more, somehow, when they make eye contact and before she knows it she’s crying again, head falling to land in her hands. “I just don’t understand why it still hurts so much. I’m so stupid. I should’ve been over this years ago.”

REINA:

It’s hard to see Rowan looking so… well, quite honestly pathetic is the nicest way she can put it. Reina thought she’d been doing well, that France had cleared her mind and any trace of that dumbass kid from her soul, but clearly that’d just been wishful thinking. From drinking straight from the bottle of her wine to sobbing openly for Reina to see, she can only assume this must be Rowan’s rock bottom, but then again she hadn’t been there in France. For all Reina knows, this could be the new normal for Rowan behind closed doors and honestly, the thought scares her. In any other circumstance she’d chalk it up to a bad night and a much needed cry before Rowan can pick herself up and get her shit together again, but her heartache has been going on for fucking months, if not years, and Reina’s a little afraid she won’t ever recover and it’ll lead her down a path similar to the one they’d just managed to get Andy out of. She’s terrified just thinking about it, because she knows that for all of her efforts to take care of Ro and make sure she’s on the straight and narrow while maintaining her success, she’d be way out of her element with that sort of spiral. It’s enough to make her tense up, to take this more seriously rather than just giving Rowan a few words of comfort before patting her on the back and leaving her to herself to sleep it off on the couch. With Rowan leaning forward she takes advantage of the now empty space to make room for herself, setting her wine glass down so she can pluck Scout up from where he’s looking at his mom like she’s a crazy person before she sinks herself back into the couch so Rowan has room to lean on her if she needs to. This type of comfort is rare for Reina, it comes once in a blue moon and Rowan’s probably only seen her get really emotionally invested in anything a handful of times, but she can see the blonde needs her badly now and she’s not about to leave her hanging. A hand lands on Rowan’s back in an effort to let her know she’s there, and Reina’s not going anywhere. “Don’t ever call yourself stupid, sweetheart.” Her tone is uncharacteristically soft but the scold is there, having taught Rowan better than to demean herself in front of anyone over the years. “You can’t expect something like that to just go away overnight. Takes time to heal, or so I’m told. You didn’t exactly give yourself much of a break when you were supposed to.”

ROWAN:

Even after years of knowing each other, sometimes Reina is hard to get a read on even when Rowan is in the best headspace, let alone now. So she’s not entirely sure what kind of reaction she’s going to get from her might-as-well-be-mother. She knows what she needs, but sometimes what she needs and what she gets are two very different things, even when Reina is involved. But it’s relieving when she feels the couch beside her dip, even more so when a hand touches her back in a silent gesture of camaraderie. “I can call myself stupid when I’m acting stupid, which I’ve been doing for a really, really long fucking time.” Rowan hates that she feels this way right now. Over the years she likes to think that she has come into herself —- that she’s stopped worrying so much about how she is viewed and portrayed and that she doesn’t let the words or actions of other people bring her to this low place anymore. But apparently there is a slip up for everything.

When Reina tells her these things take time, she wants to find comfort in that. She’s vaguely aware of the history between Reina and Chris, and she can’t help but wonder if she’s speaking from experience even if she won’t admit it. But then Reina has always been such a force that Rowan has a hard time imagining her getting this emotionally invested in anything, let alone a man— and that makes her feel even more foolish for being here herself. She has always strived to carry herself in the way that Reina does but maybe it’s time she accepts that that is just never going to be who she is. Her head lifts from her hands, wiping below her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater as if that’ll stop her from crying. “It shouldn’t have ever gotten to a point where I had to heal at all,” she admits, bitter taste returning to her tongue. “I should’a listened to you back then —- You told me I was gonna get hurt and I didn’t listen and now look.” She sniffles, surprising herself by how easily the words pour out. She’s not sure if the lack of embarrassment is due to the alcohol or the fact that Reina is the witness to her meltdown, but she doesn’t dwell on it. Instead she shakes her head once before letting it fall back into her hands again. “I hate him sometimes.” She doesn’t — not even close but it’s easier to say she hates him for how he has made her feel over the years than admit she loves him still despite it all.

REINA:

For once in her life, Reina isn’t happy about being right. The I told you so on the tip of her tongue tastes bitter and she’d never let herself actually speak those words out loud, at least not now when Rowan is clearly at her breaking point. She keeps quiet and lets the blonde rant about how she shouldn’t have fallen so fast and so hard, but looking back Reina knows that was probably never going to be an option. Hindsight is 20/20 and even though Reina had warned Ro that this would be how it was going to end between her and Andy, she never expected it to hit as hard as it currently is. Her fingers come up to play with a lock of Rowan’s hair, brows furrowing slightly at her last statement. “You’re allowed to hate him,” she assures, but Reina has a feeling there’s a lot more to it than that. She clearly doesn’t hate him too much if she’s more upset than angry, and if anything that just makes things ten times worse. Reina can deal with angry, she can deal with rage and acting on impulse, but distress has never really been her forte. There isn’t much she can say to comfort Rowan, at least not that she knows of. But she’s gotta say something because if they just sit in silence while Ro cries herself to sleep, nothing’s ever going to get resolved and she’s definitely not going to feel better. “You know, when Adam and I ended things I was a wreck,” she supplies in a teasing tone, the hint of a smile evident in her voice. Rowan’s gotta know she isn’t actually speaking on her relationship with Adam fucking Levine, a relationship she barely gave two shits about, but she isn’t about to clarify who she’s really talking about. The jest leaves her voice at her next words, a quiet tone taking over as she thinks back to the dark place she’d found herself in post- engagement gone wrong. “It was like I couldn’t even fucking breathe in a particular direction or he’d be on some billboard, or one of his songs would be playing in the fucking grocery store. There’d be office parties for his singles that I’d be expected to go to and I’d wanna blow my fucking brains out because I knew they were about me. It was hell.” She doesn’t really know why she’s telling Ro all of this — their situations are completely different and she’d been the one to hurt Chris, not the other way around, but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t upset after the fact and she thinks maybe if Rowan hears that it does actually get better, she’ll believe it. “But then over time I stopped noticing as much. After a while it all sort of faded to the background and I knew I’d moved on,” she shrugs, running her hand through Ro’s hair absentmindedly. “I promise you, it’ll eventually stop hurting.”

ROWAN:

It makes her feel a little better to have Reina validate that she’s allowed to hate him. Rowan’s not sure she’s ever really going to be able to hate Andy but she wishes she could. Hate and anger would be so much easier to deal with than all of this. But there have been fleeting moments, ones like these where she’d think he had finally pushed her too far away and she’d see their relationship for what it was and the anger and resentment would come --- but it’d be gone before the night was over, always finding herself back in his bed again the next time their paths would cross. She really is an idiot. Reina’s hand on her hair brings another wave of comfort and before she’s fully aware that she’s moving, her head is resting in Reina’s lap, legs sprawled out beside them on the couch. She lets her eyes fall shut, listening as Reina speaks and trying to stop her shoulders from shaking and the tears from falling, focusing on the feeling of fingers running through her hair. Even in her drunk state, she’s very much aware of the fact that Reina isn’t talking about Adam but she’s not going to push that. She’s got a feeling it would only blow up in her face and have Reina storming off to her bedroom at the insinuation that she’d been hung up over Chris and honestly, Rowan just needs Reina right now. So she nods and takes the story for what it is because it’s comforting to know that someone -- especially Reina -- understands how she’s feeling. “When?” Her voice comes out quiet, a sigh leaving soon after. “S’been months since I’ve seen him. I wrote that whole stupid album that was supposed to help me move on --- I’ve got a someone who actually likes me now.” It seems like all of the pieces to moving on are there, she just can’t make them fit together. They’ve had time and distance, she’d gone through the motions of writing him out of her system, she’s found someone else. It just doesn’t add up. “I’m tired of cryin’ over someone who doesn’t give a shit.” Because as far as Rowan is concerned, Andy made it perfectly clear how he felt over the years ---- he didn’t care.  He’d never cared, and it’s on her that she’d been the naive little girl with her heart on her sleeve and her head in the clouds who fell for it over and over again, but now that she’s actually trying to move forward she still feels stuck. “He wrote me a letter when he was in rehab,” she admits quietly, words tumbling out. She hadn’t told anyone about the letter when it arrived, tucked it away and ignored it’s existence --- now it’s in her purse, practically begging her from it’s place in Reina’s kitchen for her to come open it but she doesn’t know if she’ll ever be able to. “He breaks my heart a hundred times and he sends me a fucking letter.” Maybe it’s a little unfair to think because he’d been stuck in rehab but Rowan can’t help but think if there had been anything worth actually saying in it, he could’ve come to see her any time between now and when he had gotten out.

REINA:

When? Rowan asks, and God isn’t that the million dollar question. Reina wishes she had an answer, wishes she could give Rowan an exact time frame for when she might stop being in so much pain over this. She hates seeing her girl like this, her once bright and bubbly demeanor dimmed because of that fucking twerp. Before Rowan had come into her life, Reina had always been a bitter person even when she was with Chris, and while she’s still far from being what anyone would consider rainbows and sunshine, Ro has managed to brighten her life up just enough that she actually smiles sometimes now. So to see her like this, so down on herself with the light that’s always been inside of her having all but gone out — well, let’s just say it’s only right that she has a bad taste in her mouth for Andy Thane considering it’s his fucking fault. “I wish I knew,” she answers truthfully, though from what she’s seeing tonight Reina could guess it won’t be any time too soon. Rowan may be acting like she’s moving on but it’s clear she’s just going through the motions of what she thinks she needs to do — and Tyson may be part of that but Reina’s pretty damn certain he’s not going to be the one to make Ro whole again. She won’t say it out loud and the kid’s nice enough, but he’s an obvious rebound. “You and I both know how I feel about crying but sometimes that’s just what you’ve gotta do. Get it out of your system until it’s all gone. At least you got one hell of an album out of it.”

Her hand stills for a moment in Rowan’s hair when she mentions a letter, which is brand spanking new information to Reina although in the grand scheme of things, she can’t imagine it’ll change much. Still, it could be what she needs. “You really should read it, Rowan.” If nothing else it might at least give her some closure, and Reina currently hates Andy but she doubts he’d have it in him to send Rowan a letter telling her everything that’s wrong with her, and she has an inkling that it may just be the other way around. She can only hope the entire thing is just Andrew admitting what a piece of shit he was since he’s now clean and sober and sees the error of his ways, and while that might not fix things it sure as hell might be the validation Rowan needs. “You don’t owe him fuck all, but if he’s taking the time to write you a letter it’s probably something you wanna hear. If he didn’t give a shit, he wouldn’t bother.”

ROWAN:

It’s disheartening to hear Reina say she doesn’t know. While logically Rowan knows that there is no magic date Reina could pencil into her calendar and say ’this is it -- this is when it stops hurting, a part of her had been hoping she could. Like she’s a little kid expecting her mom to make everything better again with a brush of her hands through her hair and a few reassuring words. Your mom is supposed to be able to fix everything, right? At least, that’s what Rowan has always been told --- Addie certainly has no interest in fixing anything in Rowan’s life right now, but Reina has always been a completely different story.  The idea of crying until it’s all gone is laughable, because honestly --- she thought she’d already done that. Her first few days in Provence had been similar to this, everything hitting her almost the minute her plane had landed. Holed away in her apartment --- cry, write, cry, sleep, repeat. By the time she had gotten back to America she thought there was no way she could be physically capable of even producing more tears let alone having a breakdown like this, but apparently she had been wrong. “I hate cryin’ about him. I hate that it feels like all I ever do anymore.” Which is honestly kind of dramatic because if she’s being entirely truthful, it’s been a while.

She’s been on a high since she got back --- throwing herself into recording that hell of an album Reina had referenced. Throwing herself into a new relationship, throwing herself into things that somehow manage to distract her from the giant hole in her heart and the fact that both those things always end up circling right back to Andy. The album is about him and the whole reason she’s convinced herself she’s in love after only a few short months is because she’s so desperate to get back the love she gives finally after years of having it crumpled up and thrown back to her time and time again. “I’m tired of it. I wish I could just go set his car on fire or something instead of all this.” The words come out mumbled, a huff leaving her lips at the thought. There’s no denying it’d be satisfying, but then because she’s Rowan there would surely be an aftertaste of guilt. She ignores that.

If she wasn’t so drunk she probably would’ve pulled away at the mention of reading the letter. Put up some walls and become defensive while kicking herself for bringing it up at all. Not reading it is the last little bit of control she feels like she’s got over this whole thing --- in the past she’s always dropped everything for him. Always come running every time he has called and listened to everything he has had to say, even if it never added up to anything. But now, she doesn’t want to do that. Doesn’t want to set herself up to fall into another trap or even worse--- doesn’t want to read about how it had all just been an outlet for the adrenaline of the life they lead and the drugs he took. That she’d just been there and it had been easy because he’d gotten her wrapped around his finger years ago, her heartstrings so tangled up they could practically spell out his name. God, she knows that, she didn’t need a physical reminder hand delivered to her front door. “I don’t want to.” She admits, voice quiet again. “He doesn’t give a shit,” she counters, eyes rolling. “ And I don’t wanna read whatever pity note he came up with when he was in there figuring his shit out --- I don’t need it.” Because the idea of it being anything other than that seems so unthinkable to her. And then as soon as the anger is there it seems to be extinguished, voice taking on a quiet tone again after a moment of silence. “Did you see the track list?” Of course she had. It’s been all over the media since it’d been released. “Am I stupid to think it’s got anything to do with me?” She’d be stupid to think it isn’t about her, but she’s at a point where the song could be called Rowan Fisher and she would still question it, having become so used to second guessing and being insecure and unsure about herself with it comes to all things Andrew Thane. “I hope it sucks.” She knows it won’t.

REINA:

Once again Reina’s stomach drops at how upset Rowan is about this. What she wouldn’t give to find Andrew fucking Thane and strangle the life out of him, even if it’d probably land her in a jail cell. Honestly, though, it might be worth it and she could probably find a way out, so the temptation remains even if she’d never act on it. She gives Ro’s shoulder a small shove when she’s openly down on herself again, which is something Reina’s never let her get away with. “Hey — I can see you moving forward. Don’t think just because you got sad again one night means it’s never gonna end,” she scolds lightly, throwing a stern look down at Rowan. She understands being upset — hell, Reina’s been here herself — but she’s not going to allow Ro to wallow in self pity forever. Either she’s going to find a way to get her shit together herself or Reina will magically figure out a way to do it for her. “But you know I’ve got gasoline in my garage if you’re ever serious about that. No one’ll ever know it was you.” She’s kidding, mostly, but honestly at this point Reina thinks lighting Andy’s car on fire might be the only way she can actually help Rowan right now, so it’s tempting considering how useless she currently feels. It’s literally her job as a manager to make sure Rowan is at the top of her game without a worry in the world, and it’s her job as the blonde’s mother figure to make sure she’s not hurting. Right now, Reina is failing at both.

Even with how shitty Andy’s treated her and how he seemed not to mind flinging her heart around like it was nothing, Reina has a hard time believing he truly doesn’t care about her. The man who took him in and raised him has to have had some kind of influence on him, regardless of how bad the kid is at fucking showing it. But she’ll let Rowan have this one, because at the end of the day it’s her decision and Reina isn’t going to tell her what to do — at least not in this case. Instead she keeps quiet on the matter, letting her fingers run through Rowan’s hair again until she brings up Andy’s impending album. Of course she’d seen the track list, and one very particular song with Rowan’s name in it stuck out like a sore fucking thumb so she can’t help but scoff at the fact that the blonde even has to ask if it’s about her. “You were his life for a long time, sweetheart. Who else would it be about?” Even Reina doesn’t dislike him enough to think he didn’t spend his time in rehab thinking about what a piece of shit he’s been. She leans forward gently to grab her glass of wine and Rowan’s bottle with it, and she probably shouldn’t be condoning her drinking anymore considering how blatantly wasted she is, but if there’s ever been a time she deserves it is tonight. “I’m sure it won’t be very good considering the state he’s in. Rehab isn’t exactly an inspiring place.” It’s a lie, an attempt to make Rowan feel better because if anything a clear head might be the thing to give Andrew his best album yet, but Reina can only hope the drugs were the only thing that gave him any kind of talent.

ROWAN:

It’s not surprising that Reina is scolding her again, even if it is done more gently than it normally would be. But she hadn’t been expecting this kind of comfort in the first place anyway, so she figures this night is going better than anticipated, all things considered. Besides, tomorrow morning when she manages to find a coherent thought through the hangover that is surely going to leave her brain dead she’ll come to see that Reina is right --- which it seems she always is. “I guess,” she huffs out a reluctant agreement, staring at a space on the wall across the room. “Feels like it’s not gonna, though. If I’m still cryin’ two months from now put me outta my misery.” With any luck she’ll have finally managed to cry Andrew Thane out of her life and in the next few days she can actually begin to move on with her life rather than continue this cycle of a stretch of good days or weeks followed by wallowing --- but for now, wallowing seems like a good option. Despite the ache in her chest, there is relief that comes with letting it all out, like her breathing comes easier with each moment that passes. Or maybe that comes from Reina’s hands in her hair --- or maybe it’s not that deep at all and it’s just the wine catching up to her.

She almost wants to laugh when Reina mentions that she had been Andy’s life because as far as she’s concerned, she’d barely even been a part of it. She’s a blip in his system where as sometimes she felt like she orbited around him. “I dunno,” she admits with a shrug when Reina asks who else it could be about. Honestly, thinking about it being about someone else hurts even worse somehow. “Gotta be someone out there who managed to make him stick around, ‘cause it sure wasn’t me.” There’s a bitter taste on her tongue clearly reflected in her tone. It feels like her entire life has been a revolving door of people --- they come into her life and she opens up her heart to them, only to have it stomped all over and trampled while they make a beeline for the exit. She still hasn’t figured out what it is about her that somehow manages to push every single person out the door, but by now she figures there has to be something and Reina seems to be the only person immune to it. The thought brings along another tug at her heartstrings though she’s not sure if it’s in sadness over the things she’s lost, anger at herself for causing it all or appreciation for Reina for never leaving. She tells herself it’s the latter, finding that easier to deal with as the woman passes her her wine bottle and taking it eagerly. “I wish you were my mom sometimes,” the words tumble out of her mouth dumbly before she can stop them and immediately she’s sucking back a big amount of wine to try and swallow them back down. Maybe that’s why she pushes people away --- she loves them too much and says dumbass things like that that makes them realize how codependent on them she is.

REINA:

Reina nods seriously at Ro’s request, like she’s actually willing to take her up on it and they won’t probably be exactly where they are now if the blonde is still feeling like shit in a few months. This is Rowan’s heartache to navigate, though, and for once Reina is perfectly fine with sitting quietly in the passenger’s seat and taking her lead. It’s why she bites her tongue to counter when Rowan is adamant that Andy must have found someone else — she knows that’s not possibly the case, but she doesn’t want to seem like she’s defending him or playing devil’s advocate by saying as much, because that’s the opposite of what Ro needs. “I doubt it’s specifically someone — more likely he’s got a band of whores he doesn’t care about nearly as much as you. He’s just got a lot of fucking growing up to do, and unfortunately you can’t do it for him.” She doesn’t know what else to say, or what else she can do to convince Rowan that men are trash who don’t know how to express themselves correctly — not that Reina has any room to talk, because sometimes she thinks maybe she’d thrown away the only one who does. So she waits a beat until Rowan’s confession has her chugging from the straw, and Reina herself takes an equally large gulp of her wine. Under normal circumstances Reina would be running for the hills at just the idea of any sort of affection, even from Rowan, but tonight is different and all that comes from her is a quiet snort. “No you don’t. I’d be a terrible mom,” she counters, and that’s the honest truth. If Reina had real kids of her own, the poor things would probably be incredibly fucked up from her subpar parenting skills. But over the past nine years she’s known Rowan, she’s become more than just a client for Reina. There’s no one else Reina would open her home to, or put so much time and effort into their wellbeing, or even comfort like she’s doing now for Ro. People have always claimed she plays favorites but at this point, it’s beyond that. “As far as I’m concerned, you are my kid, though.” Or at least, she’s the closest thing Reina will ever get. She’s always been adamant about not wanting children, but when Rowan came into her life as a tiny blonde teenager with no idea how her new world worked, of course Reina couldn’t help but take her under her wing. She likes to pride herself in being alone, and needing no one, but it’s hard to deny that the blonde is a source of light in her life that Reina finds herself leaning on. Her main priority is making Rowan feel comfortable, not the other way around, but Reina silently depends on the younger woman more than she’d ever say. “And all this shit going on in your brain is gonna go away eventually if I have any say in it. You remember that time Greg tried to make you guest judge on X Factor and I ripped him a new asshole so you didn’t have to do it? This is cake compared to that.”

ROWAN:

More likely he’s got a band of whores the sentiment brings a laugh from Rowan, though it’s choked and watery and while she knows that was probably meant to be reassuring in Reina’s mind it’s not really. She knows that it’s selfish of her to be upset at the idea of Andy being with someone else considering she herself is with someone else --- the thought reminds her that she needs to grab her phone and make an attempt at reading and replying to whatever messages have come through her phone. Rowan has moved on, and so it’s only fair that she should expect Andy to do the same -- but that doesn’t mean the idea of him with someone else (or multiple someone’s, as Reina has now put into her head) doesn’t make her chest feel like it’s full of stones. She doesn’t have very long to dwell on it though, instead having been swallowed up by her own slip of the tongue that’s lead to the feeling of embarrassment creeping up her spine. Part of her wants to argue when Reina says she would be a terrible mom because as far as she can see that wouldn’t really be the case. But then Rowan knows that her relationship with Reina is not the norm. Even with all of her insecurities and self-doubts she can see that Reina has always treated her very differently than she treats most people, and it would be a lie to say she hadn’t enjoyed that. That’s only doubled when she hears Reina say that as far as she’s concerned, she’s her kid. It’s surprising, but Rowan isn’t going to argue it --- especially not on a night like this when she desperately needs that reassurance that someone, especially Reina, is in her corner. A warmth spreads through her at it and she swallows down the mouthful of wine, regretting it only a little when she realizes her bottle is basically empty now. “You’re not a terrible mom, then,” she counters with a short shrug of her shoulders, even in her intoxicated state wanting to give Reina at least a little bit of reassurance. She knows that as hard as this year has been on her, it hasn’t been easy for Reina either. “I put you through a lot, and you haven’t kicked me to the curb yet… s’pretty good, I think.” She tries to laugh, wanting it to come out as more of a joke than a serious confession, even if that’s what it is. She knows Reina isn’t great with touchy feely moments. “‘Least he hasn’t tried to get me to do Dancin’ With The Stars yet,” she shrugs her shoulders, though she had been beyond grateful when Reina put her footdown as far as the guest judging had gone. But then, on second thought, “Actually that might be kinda fun,” she tacks on, brows furrowing as she thinks it over --- not really thinking in her drunken state just how much of a nightmare the dance competition show really would be. A second later, she leans over to set the wine bottle back on the table and picks up her cell phone in the process, unlocking it with more difficulty than she would ever admit to. Christ, the alcohol is really catching up to her. “Will you text Tyson back for me an’ tell him I’m goin’ to see? I don’t want him to know I’m drunk.” Though she has a feeling her last few messages and the subsequent silence that came after made that perfectly clear.

REINA:

Reina wasn’t looking for any kind of reassurance from Rowan — she’s never had any intent to be a mother and that’s not something she dislikes about herself. But there’s a warmth that spreads through her chest when Rowan tells her she’s not a terrible mom, at least not to her. It’s reassurance that she’s managed to do something right with her, that Ro trusts Reina as much as Reina trusts Ro — and that’s a lot, which is more than anyone in the world could say. Rowan is her girl, her right hand woman, and her friend more than her client and most importantly, she is her daughter, for all intents and purposes. The thought has a swell of emotion running through Reina and she feels her throat tighten just slightly, which is fucking ridiculous because she never cries, but thankfully it’s dispelled when Rowan starts going on about fucking Dancing With the Stars, and she lets out a laugh. “Okay, motormouth. Time for bed.” She’s clearly had more than enough to drink judging by the now two empty bottles of wine, and Reina quickly finishes her own glass before reaching for Rowan’s phone to do as she asked. 

Tyson’s texted her a few times since Rowan last texted him, and it sets alarm bells off in Reina’s head that he’s just a little too needy, but she’s not about to comment on that now — not when Rowan’s already worked herself into a state. Instead she sends him a quick ‘Fell asleep, going back to bed.’ that sounds absolutely nothing like a text Rowan would actually send, but he can eat shit if he has a problem with it. Phone locked and safely in Reina’s grasp, she moves to push herself off the couch, careful not to dislodge Rowan in case she wants to sleep there, although she’d prefer if that didn’t happen. “You sleeping down here tonight or are we getting you upstairs? Cookie’ll be pissed if she doesn’t get to sleep in the big bed with you and Scout, you know.”

ROWAN:

Reina’s words have Rowan letting out a dramatic gasp, as if she’s said something insanely offensive. “I’m not a motormouth!” Though they both know that she is --- whether she’s stone cold sober or wine drunk, it’s rare that Rowan ever just shuts up but it’s definitely worse after she’s had a few glasses (or bottles) to drink. But, she yawns a second later, as if now that the idea of going to bed is in her mind nothing sounds more appealing. She moves to sit up, struggling with her balance just a little and looks up at the stairs. The couch is comfortable but there’s no denying that her best upstairs would be a lot better. “I can get upstairs --- s’not gonna be hard.” But it’s clear that it will be at least a little hard as she stands and then promptly falls back on her ass on the couch, causing her to let out a loud laugh that, of course, gets both dogs up and alert. 

“Okay, okay, okay, okay ---- lemme try that again,” she laughs as if she finds the whole thing hysterical before dramatically heaving herself up off of the couch. She sways for a minute, arms stretching out to balance herself before she grins over at Reina --- her mood having, apparently, taken a sharp left from the heartbreak she’d been feeling earlier, though she has a feeling that will come back again when she’s alone. “See? I told ya --- piece of cake.”

REINA:

It’s nice to see Rowan smiling for the first time tonight, and the way she can hardly stand would be downright fucking comical if Reina didn’t know the reason why she’d gotten so hammered, and even then she can’t help the smile that quirks on her lips as the younger woman flails around like a baby lamb. “Come on, stop fucking flailing and balance yourself on me.” Reina holds out an arm and helps her upstairs, not bothering to ask if she wants to brush her teeth or anything like that, because based on the slowness of her movements Rowan’s got no intention of doing anything but passing out. They’re up the stairs and turning towards Ro’s room when she takes a quick turn in the other direction and books it for Reina’s room before she can be stopped — and of course the dogs eagerly follow, so by the time Reina catches up they’re all tucked into her bed and how the hell is she supposed to say no to that? Rowan’s on the verge of passing out, her eyes are closing and her breathing is labored and normally Reina wouldn’t stand for this for a second; she’d be hauling Ro out by her heels and leaving her to sleep on the floor if she can’t make it to her fucking bed. 

Tonight’s different, though. She’s clearly fucking been through it and besides, Reina’s got a king bed, and she has a feeling the blonde just wants to be somewhere that she knows someone is there with her so she doesn’t feel so alone. As much as she hates to admit it, Reina’s been there too, so she doesn’t disturb Rowan before going about her nightly routine. At the end of the day, Reina would much rather deal with an inconvenience like this than have Rowan wake up upset and alone, and that’s always how it’s going to be.

[timeagainreviews]

The Filler Fluff of the Cybermen

When is a two-parter not a two-parter? When the first part is tonight’s episode "Ascension of the Cybermen." As stories go, that was pretty damn sparse. I’ll be honest, friends, I don’t have a lot to say about tonight’s story. But that’s not why you come here, so I will try my damnedest to find something to talk about in this latest episode of Doctor Who. Right, now, how many words was that? Sixty-seven? Christ. This is going to be a slog.

I honestly shouldn’t be surprised. It had to happen. I was saying just last week that I hadn’t seen an episode I outright hated so far this series. We were due. That’s not to say I actually feel hate for this episode, more accurately, I feel very little about this episode. Usually, I endeavour to do more than simply trash an episode, but tonight, it’s either that, or I end the review here. So apologies ahead of time.

The episode opens on a Cyberman head floating in space with some knucklehead voiceover telling us about how the Cybermen have been mostly wiped out and what remains of humanity isn’t much better. The episode will now spend the next fifty minutes reiterating this point ad nausea. It was like a Star Wars title crawl, except in Star Wars, the crawl isn’t the plot of the movie you’re about to watch. Funnily, a lot of tonight’s episode reminded me of "The Last Jedi." Our heroes get split up. A slow chase ensues. No new information is gained. And it ends leaving us feeling like not a lot happened.

The Doctor and her companions come to a small human colony in the distant future. There are only seven of them left. The Doctor sets up a series of relays to help this ragtag bunch of humans kill off an oncoming Cyberman attack. Only thing is, they had never accounted for the Cybermen to first send out "Cyber Drones." Now, say you’ve got a room full of artists who love Doctor Who. And you tell them all to design drones that will be utilised by Cybermen. You can imagine they might have some rather impressive designs. Now, gather up all of those beautiful and creative drawings into your arms and throw them in the bin. Instead, we’re going to just use floating Cyberman heads. Was this because Chibnall is the kind of guy who thinks a dude with teeth pressed into his face is creepy or is this because reusing Cyberman heads is cheap? I’ll let you decide.

The Cyberheads and their eye lasers do quick work of the Doctor’s relays and sends everyone scattering to the wind. With three of the humans dead, Ryan, a young boy named Ethan, and the Doctor get left behind. Yaz and Graham, find themselves aboard a rickety gravraft with the remainder of the humans. With the TARDIS too far away, the Doctor decides they need to hijack a Cybership. I gotta give it to the Cybermen, they take better care of their ship than they do their own bodies. It’s almost as if there was no continuity in the design. Or maybe it’s like when you see someone whose life is a total mess but they have a dope car. I’ll let you decide.

After Ethan hotwires the Cybership, the Doctor pilots the ship to the most logical destination- her TARDIS. No, I’m just kidding, that would have made sense! Instead, she goes somewhere. I just double-checked with my boyfriend and we honestly couldn’t remember why anyone was doing anything at this point in the episode. After combing the episode I finally found a bit of throwaway dialogue where Ethan programmed the ship to go to a place called "Ko Sharmus." Meanwhile, the other group of protagonists are floating listlessly in space, making them the most relatable characters in this episode as that’s exactly how I felt.

By now you’re probably wondering why I haven’t gotten to the B-story happening in this episode. I guess here is as good a place as any, as it made just as much sense crammed anywhere in the episode it pleased. We see a young man and woman find a baby. This baby grows up to be their adopted son, Brendan. Brendan becomes a cop. Brendan gets shot and falls off a cliff. Brendan wakes up unscathed. Brendan’s dad looks at him like he’s creepy. Brendan grows old and retires. Brendan’s dad and boss, seemingly having not aged, wipe his memory. It makes as much sense as a wicker toilet and gives us no new information. At one point I thought he may have been Captain Jack’s kid, but then he grows old, so I don’t know what to think. What I do know is that you could have edited it down and made it into a far better cold opener than that Cyberhead floating in space shit.

The humans aboard the gravraft get stranded next to a giant Cyberman ship where a battle has gone down. Remnants of Cybermen ping the hull of their vessel like tiny asteroids. They get the bright idea to use the airlock to give the gravraft an extra thrust into the Cybership. I don’t know if it was intentional, but having Graham say "Don’t panic," right before they release the airlock was a nice little Douglas Adams reference. Or maybe it wasn’t at all, but I’ll take any joy from this episode I can get. Much like the idiotic hip bounce from "Can You Hear Me?" that knocked the sonic screwdriver up into the Doctor’s hands, the gravraft makes a million in one shot directly into the Cyberman ship’s docking bay. If they have that kind of luck sinking shots like that, they should really take their skills to the minigolf course.

The second I saw the ship, I knew that they were going to do the rows upon rows of sleeping Cybermen emerging from their tombs. It’s a Doctor Who trope as old as the Patrick Troughton era. My boyfriend was enjoying these bits as he is less familiar with the history of Doctor Who, so I let him have his fleeting enjoyment. I couldn’t even get jazzed about the new Cyberman design as they had already spoiled it with online photos. Basically, aside from the head-scratching B-story, the plot to tonight’s episode could be gathered by looking at promotional photos. There were new Cybermen. The Lone Cyberman was there. Nothing new to be learned here. Though, I will admit those new Cybermen are genuinely awesome.

The Doctor has a brief encounter with a hologram of the Lone Cyberman, or "Ashad." We learn that Ashad doesn’t just want to destroy all humans, he wants to destroy all life in the universe, for reasons. So I guess it wasn’t all a wash. Ashad heads to the Cybership where he begins waking up the Cybermen by what looks like torture. I have absolutely zero idea why he was doing what he was doing. It’s not at all made clear. Was he giving a titty twister so the Cybermen would accept him as their leader? Because after waking up the rest of them, they all seem to fall in line. Honestly, what the hell was he doing to that Cyberman? It makes no goddamn sense.

One thing I will say that made me happy was that one of my predictions from before episode one came true. They gave Graham a bit of a love interest. I called that shit. This possible love interest came in the form of Ravio, one of the human colonists. I found it rather amusing that in the future humans would still speak with British accents but have lost all context for Cockney rhyming slang. It was a cute bit of dialogue that falls apart if you think about it too much. The Cybermen force the humans into a corner to barricade themselves from the onslaught of Cybermen, and that’s where they’re left until next weekend.

Meanwhile, the Doctor arrives at Ko Sharmus which ends up being a person’s name as opposed to a planet. Chris Chibnall’s ability to name characters has not improved. Seriously, there are characters named Feekat and Yedlarmi in this episode. It hardly matters though as they’re all rather forgettable. I had to comb the episode and the internet just to figure out who was who. The Doctor never even introduces herself to Ethan. I had to figure his name out through one of the many throwaway lines of dialogue. That’s not to say that they don’t have real bits of character development. But you can take all of the character development in the world and wrap it around a hollow plot and it equals a lot of me not giving a shit.

Ko Sharmus was a welcome addition, simply because he was played by the charismatic Ian McElhinney. Turns out he’s a human colonist who stays behind in case any more humans might one day also come to this planet. There’s a sort of gateway or “boundary” out of the galaxy where many humans have gone to escape pursuit by Cyberman. Ko Sharmus’ job is to act as a guide to any possible newcomers also looking to reach said boundary. However, the Doctor quickly learns that the boundary is actually a gateway to Gallifrey. Only now it shows Gallifrey as the Master left it- in ruins.

Did I mention the Master? Well, here he is, making a "grand" entrance. The only thing at this point that was grand about the introduction of the Master to the story was that I was excited that something of substance was actually about to happen. Instead, this is our cliffhanger- this not at all surprising reveal that the Master is still alive. Of course, he is, he’s the Master. It’s a season finale with the Cybermen, of course, the Master is going to be there. It’s been that way for the past two Cyberman season finales. I guess the third time is a charm? What about any of this is supposed to be surprising? Remember how I said I was afraid they were becoming far too reliant on big reveals? This ending is the epitome of that. I think they expected to blow our minds by having the storyline they set up at the beginning of the series come into fruition. Try harder Chibs, this shit was weak.

The biggest shocker here is how little happened. What we were left with was akin to a classic filler episode where the Doctor gets captured. They padded out everything because they didn’t want next week’s episode to be ten minutes longer. Tonight’s episode exists purely because Chris Chibnall couldn’t edit down the script of a single episode into something shorter. This wouldn’t be so egregious if at least one storyline came to some sort of conclusion. If the B-story with Brendan had gone somewhere it might have made the entire episode feel somewhat worth the time and effort. Instead, we’re forced to watch a team of talented actors fill time.

I can’t help but feel like last week’s episode should have been this week’s episode with maybe a bit more setup for the finale. In place of this forgettable fluff, we could have gotten a single contained episode in its place. Something that had a beginning, middle, and end. Because of this, it’s almost as if we’ve been shorted an episode. Because of all of the wasted time in "Ascension of the Cybermen," I can only think of two outcomes for next week. One is an episode crammed so full of exposition that it will feel messy and disjointed. The other is an episode that is as equally underwhelming as tonight’s effort. Do you really mean to tell me they’re going to fit a Cyberman battle, Captain Jack, the Master, Gallifrey, the Timeless Child, and possibly Ruth into an episode and it not be a mess? It’s hard to have faith that there is a reason behind this much wasted screentime. I could use some of Graham’s optimism because at this moment it’s looking a bit hopeless.

[omnivorousshipper]

12 Days of Shobbs: Day 12- Snow Angels

Summary: This is a serious of prompts following the relationship between Luke Hobbs and Deckard Shaw through the twelve days of Christmas.

Day 11         Day 13

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

“Dad?”

Taking his eyes off the road, Luke glanced up at Sam through the rearview mirror. She was wearing a Christmas sweater that had a french bulldog wearing a scarf. They were on their way to the annual Christmas party at the O’Connor house, where they would stay the night and spend Christmas day with the team.

“Yeah, sweetie?”

“Is Deckard going to be at the party?”

“Yeah, he is. Why?” Luke asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

“You two are really funny together. And you always seem happier after you talk to him,” Sam smiled at him. 

Thinking for a moment, Luke had to admit that over the last few missions, his and Deckard’s relationship had shifted into something less hostile and much more enjoyable. They had finally come together to help each other willingly; in Luke’s opinion, they had actually become friends. 

“I guess I do enjoy seeing him,” Luke admitted to Sam. 

“Then are you going to ask him out?” She asked innocently.

“What?” Luke yelped, and it was only because of his experience of chasing after criminals while under duress that he was able to keep the car from swerving in his surprise.  

“You like him, right? That means you should ask him out!” She said, confident in her logic.

“Sam. Honey,” Luke sighed. “It doesn’t work that way. And besides, he and I are just friends.”

“But, when he was staying with us, it seemed like you two were acting like the couples in those Christmas movies,” Sam said, her face scrunching up in confusion.

“Uh, well,” Luke started and tried to come up with an answer. He wouldn’t admit it, but looking back, she was right. After some point, Deckard had been willing to let Luke penetrate his personal space, which Luke had taken advantage of. During the few days Deckard had been with them, Luke had probably spent most of them next to Deckard: helping the man from room to room, grabbing things off the top shelves, and even helping him prepare dinner. They had weaved around each other effortlessly as Deckard cooked, knowing each other’s movements even off the field. 

“And I like Deckard! I wouldn’t mind if he was your boyfriend,” Sam pointed out. 

Luke couldn’t help the choking sound that escaped him at the word ‘boyfriend’.

~~~

“When’s Hobbs getting here?” Owen asked from where he was sitting at the kitchen island, slowly whittling a carrot with one of his knives. 

“How the bloody hell should I know?” Deckard grunted as he checked the turkey that was still cooking in the oven. Shutting the oven door, he turned back to Owen with narrowed eyes. “And why would you care?”

“I don’t,” Owen said, concentrating on the carrot. “But I kinda guessed that you would.”

“Why would I care?” Deckard asked incredulously.

Owen finally looked up and raised a single eyebrow at Deckard. “Because you two are together?”

“What-- why-- where did you get that idea?” Deckard stuttered out, staring wide-eyed at his little brother.

“Well, you two have done a shit ton of missions together, and last week during Hatts’ MI-6 mission, you two were literally attached to the hip,” Owen explained. 

“He’s just a touchy-feely person. Doesn’t mean we’re together,” Deckard said quickly and turned to the pots heating on the stove. And avoiding Owen’s searching gaze.

“Do you want to be with Hobbs?” Owen asked, not unkindly.

“I mean…” Deckard stopped. He honestly was not sure. He and Luke had had some bad history between them, which had Deckard convinced they could never be civil with each other. But, after the incident with the mistletoe, it seemed as if all the animosity between them had disappeared, leaving a fresh slate for them to work with. 

And if Deckard had to admit to it, he would say that he had truly enjoyed the time they had spent together over the last few weeks. Whenever he was with Luke, Deckard could feel a sense of calm and clarity wash over him, along with a warm glow in his chest.

Deckard didn’t realize he hadn’t answered Owen’s question, and had simply been standing there thinking until a new voice brought him out his musing.

“Oh, what did you do to break Deck?” Hattie admonished as she came into the kitchen.

Snapping out of his stupor, Deckard felt his cheeks warm.

“I just asked if he and Hobbs were dating,” Owen rolled his eyes. He had completely carved the carrot down into a nub, leaving behind unusable shreds of carrot. 

“Aren’t you two?” Hattie asked, surprise coloring her voice.

“No! We’re not,” Deckard snapped, and tried to focus on stirring the mash potatoes. Since he was avoiding both of them, he didn’t notice the shared looks and gestures between his siblings. 

~~~

Pulling the car into the O’Connor’s driveway, Luke felt ten years older. For the rest of the ride, he had unsuccessfully tried to convince Sam that he was not interested in Deckard. He could hear her asking another question in the back, as he stepped out of the car and opened her door. Behind him, he could hear someone opening the house’s front door and calling out to him and Sam.

“Hey Hobbs!” Brian called out. “Glad you could make it.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world!” Luke called back, leading Sam up to the porch.

“Come on in. Deckard’s already here and took over the kitchen,” Brian said, opening the door open for them. 

From the corner of his eye, Luke could see Sam looking up at him and giving him a knowing smile. 

“Don’t you even start,” Luke jokingly told her as they entered the warmly lit house.

~~~

Carefully walking the large turkey out to the dining room table, Deckard could see Mia herding the children out of the way. As soon as he set it down, he felt something run straight into his leg. Looking down, Deckard was met with the wide grin of Baby Brian, who had learned to walk only a few months ago. 

“Why, ‘ello there, governor,” Deckard laughed and picked up the giggling toddler. 

“Bri! What’d I tell you about bothering Uncle Deckard,” Letty gently chastised. 

“He’s no problem. Are you?” Deckard cooed. 

“No!” Baby Brian responded, saying his favorite word.

“Here, let me take him,” Mia said. “You’re already doing too much by cooking dinner. The least we can do is make sure the kids stay out of your way.”

“Really, they’re not a problem,” Deckard assured.

“I don’t get how you’re still single,” Letty commented, taking Baby Brian from Mia and bouncing him on her hip. “You can cook, you love kids. I honestly don’t know how someone hasn’t snatched you up.”

“Oh,” Mia said, shocked. “I had thought…”

“What?” Deckard turned to her, an eyebrow raised in curiosity as he saw her cheeks turn red. 

“I thought you and Luke were a couple,” Mia hesitantly replied. 

Deckard could only stare at her, not knowing how to respond to the second assumption that night. 

“You know,” Letty butted in when neither Mia or Deckard said anything. “You two would make a great couple.”

“I think I’d have to disagree with you there,” Deckard squinted at her. “If you’ll excuse me, I better make sure Owen hasn’t ruined the kitchen.”

Quickly walking away, he desperately tried to ignore Mia and Letty’s laughter. 

~~~

“Look who finally decided to show up!” Dom joked as Luke and Sam walked into the living room.

“You try to navigate New York traffic during this time of year,” Luke joked back as he patted Dom on the shoulder. 

All around him, he could hear several of the others throwing out their own greetings. He could see Ramsey waving Sam over for a hug, while Roman and Tej were cracking jokes about the baby oil they had gotten Luke for Christmas. Off to the other side of the room, he could see Mr. Nobody sneakily placing more presents under the tree, and Little Nobody subtly trying to hide the action by standing in front of him.

Smiling at the scene, Luke took a seat next to Brian, throwing his own jokes back at Roman and Tej. They all sat together in the living room, watching Jack and Anna chasing Baby Brian through the rooms.

“All right everyone! Dinner’s ready,” Letty poked her head into the living room. 

Talking all at once, the family made their way into the dining room, the kids heading to their own table in the corner, while the adults took their seats at the large dining table. 

Luke could see the Shaw siblings choosing their seats, with Hattie shoving Deckard to the side so she could sit in between him and Owen. Standing back for a moment, Luke watched Deckard, Sam’s earlier questions echoing in his head. The man was smiling at Hattie’s antics, his face looking relaxed and happy. There was a spark in his eyes as he looked around him, true joy appearing as he took in everyone around him. Finally, he looked towards where Luke was standing, their eyes meeting the first time that night. 

And Luke could feel his heart skip. In that moment, everything fell away, leaving only Deckard, who stared back at him, the earlier spark in his eyes seeming to expand and make him appear even more beautiful. 

“Hey, man. You good?” Dom asked behind Luke.

Blinking, Luke cleared his throat. “Yeah. I’m good.”

Dom gave him a searching look before glancing in the direction Luke had been staring. “If you don’t want to sit by Deckard, I’m sure someone’s willin’ to move.”

“What?” Luke blurted out. Whipping his head back towards Deckard, he discovered that the only open seats were the one at the head of the table, usually Dom’s seat, and the seat on Deckard’s left. “No. No, it’s fine.”

“If you say so,” Dom said, his face unreadable as he watched Luke fidget. “Then come on. We don’t have all night.”

“Right,” Luke muttered and made his way over to the table. As he pulled out the chair, he could see that Deckard’s cheeks were a little redder than before, and he was firmly facing forward as he and Luke shared stiff greetings. 

At the head of the table, Dom took his seat, and a smirk. “Looks like we know who’s going to be saying grace this year.”

Everyone’s heads turned towards the end of the table, as Owen’s hand was hovering over a bread roll. 

“What?” He asked, eyes darting from everyone’s knowing faces. 

“Who ever grabs for food first, has to say grace,” Brian said smugly. 

Rolling his eyes, Owen waited until everyone held hands as he started the grace. “Bless us, Oh Lord…”

Throughout the speech, Luke didn’t catch a single word. He was too focused on Deckard’s hand in his. 

~~~

Dinner was eventful as stories of past missions and heists were shared. At one point, almost the whole table was speechless as the Shaw siblings each told how one of their cousins took them on a bank heist when they were children. Soon enough,small conversations broke out, however, several times, the conversations would turn to whispering. Throughout the dinner, Luke could see different people at the table turn to each other and throw looks at him and Deckard. Boldly, Luke stared back challengingly. The whispering would immediately stop, but Luke felt a nagging feeling of dread in the back of his head. Ultimately, he decided to ignore the feeling and enjoy the merriment that was truly alive in the O’Connor household. 

As time went on, Luke could feel Deckard slowly relaxing next to him, once he finally looked at Luke and their natural flow of insults reappeared. Not understanding Deckard’s early reluctance, Luke wondered if something had happened. But as the festivities went on and dinner wrapped up, the thought completely disappeared from Luke’s mind. 

Brian and Mia were collecting plates, with Deckard back in the kitchen, preparing the dessert. Luke could see Roman joining him in the kitchen to grab a few more beers. Suddenly, he popped his head back into the room. 

“Hey, Mia. Looks like you’re out of beer!” He called out. 

“There should be more in the garage,” she shouted back. 

“Where in the garage?” He whined. 

“Luke, would you mind getting it? I don’t trust him not to break something,” Mia asked.

“Yeah. No problem.” Luke agreed with Mia; Roman would probably get distracted and mess with something he shouldn’t.

Making his way out the side door connecting the house to the garage, Luke was glad for a moment of peace. Casting his gaze through the dimly lit room, he could see the O’Connors’ minivan along with a few bikes leaning against a wall. But, he didn’t see any more cases of beer. Deciding to check the other side of the room, Luke stepped away from the doorway. 

He was looking all around the minivan, when a stream of light fell into the garage and disappeared again. Standing up from his crouch, Luke saw that Deckard had entered the garage.

“What are you doing out here?” Deckard asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“Getting beer. You?”

“Brian just asked me to get some, too.”

They stared at each other for a second before Luke shrugged. “Well, I don’t think there’s anymore. I’ve looked everywhere in here.”

Deckard simply hummed back in response and narrowed his eyes. He quickly turned on his heel before trying the door. It was locked.

“Strange,” Deckard said, but there was no surprise in his voice.

“Think they did that on purpose?” Luke asked suspiciously.

“Undoubtedly,” Deckard responded. “Come on. Let’s see if they locked the front door as well.”

Luke followed after Deckard as they ducked under the partially opened garage door, stepping out into the yard. During dinner, it had snowed, leaving a fresh layer of snow on the ground. Luke stayed at the bottom of the porch as Deckard tried the front door, found it locked, and then proceeded to bang on it. 

When nobody answered, Luke’s suspicions were confirmed.

“I think they’re trying to send us a message,” Luke called out to Deckard as the smaller man walked down the steps, having given up on the door.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Deckard mumbled and rubbed his arms. Luke stared at the other man, just noticing that Deckard was only wearing a long sleeve shirt.

“I think you do,” Luke said. In a split second, he was in front of Deckard, arms spread open and inviting Deckard to step into them. “Deckard Shaw. After these last few weeks, after all the crazy and life threatening missions. And even after the absolutely bat-shit insane stunts you’ve pulled, I think I fell for you.”

Deckard was quiet during Luke’s speech. His eyes were wide and he had momentarily stopped shivering in shock. 

“What do you say?” Luke asked quietly, spreading his arms even further.

Instead of responding, Deckard barreled into Luke’s arms and threw his own around Luke’s shoulders. His lips were forceful as he slammed their mouths together. Not needing anymore encouragement, Luke easily wrapped his arms around Deckard, pulling the smaller man flush against him.

Luke’s heart was racing as what felt like fireworks started to spark all throughout his body from where their lips were connected. Deckard was pushing himself against him, almost as he was trying to fuse with Luke. Not expecting the added weight, Luke tried to take a step back to correct his stance, but felt his foot give out from under him as he slipped on the fresh snow.

They gave out twin shouts of surprise as they went down, Deckard falling on top of Luke. As gently as he could, Deckard sat up, his hands resting on Luke’s chest as he stared down at him, panting slightly. And Luke could only stare back. 

“God, you’re beautiful,” Luke couldn’t help whispering in awe. Deckard’s face went even redder than it had been from the cold. 

“And you’re an utter sap,” he mumbled back, but Luke could see his smile in the dim light from the house. 

“And for that,” Luke said, a smirk growing on his face. “You get to make snow angels with me.”

“What-- Ah!” Deckard shouted as Luke pushed him off and he landed in the snow next to him. “Are you kidding me?”

“Nope,” Luke laughed at the pissy tone in Deckard’s voice. Scooching a little away, Luke spread his arms and legs out in the snow, making his own angel. Next to him, he could hear Deckard give a small snort of amusement, but nonetheless, he started to copy Luke’s movements.

They stayed like that for a few minutes before Deckard stopped and rolled back on top of Luke. Luke’s arms easily stopped and snaked their way around Deckard. Smiling down at him, Deckard leaned forward and gave Luke a small peck. Deciding that wasn’t enough, Luke gently grabbed the back of his neck and brought Deckard down for a real kiss.

“Oi! We sent you two out here to admit you’re both idiots, not to catch your death!” Hattie yelled out from the house. Simultaneously, the two men looked at her and the rest of the team standing on the porch. Sam and Ramsey were holding their phones up and taking pictures, while everyone just watched, smiling down at the pair.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get back at them,” Luke whispered to Deckard, sending him a wink.

“Can’t wait,” Deckard smirked back at him, a mischievous spark in his eyes.

… Twelve schemers a-scheming

Eleven spies a-spying

Ten assassins a-killing

Nine buildings exploding

  Eight racers a-racing

Severn criminals a-stealing

Six missiles incoming

Five grenades!

Four stab wounds

Three fast cars

Two loaded guns

And a punch to the face!

[amplesalty]

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985) & Scream, Queen! My Nightmare on Elm Street (2019)

One, two, Freddy’s coming for you...

I feel like I’ve mentioned Nightmare 2 a few times on here but it never had it’s own dedicated entry so I’ve had a rewatch of it on my mind for a while now. That was only hastened when I recently learned of ‘Scream, Queen!’, a documentary cantered around Mark Patton who plays the lead character Jesse in 2.

Amongst the less than favourable reviews Nightmare 2 has, it also has the reputation of the ‘gayest horror movie ever’ which lead to the typecasting of Patton and him walking away from his acting career. It’s not something I was immediately aware of on my initial viewing of it, certainly there are a lot of moments that with that in mind stand out upon rewatching and a few that are less than subtle, such as Jesse going to a gay bar in the middle of the night only to run into his gym teacher. Some of it seems a little too much like people trying to read into things that aren’t there, like it seems people point out an early scene where Jesse gets into a tussle with one of his classmates Grady during a softball game. Grady rips Jesse’s trousers and they have a bit of a roll around on the grass before being separated. There are doubtless hundreds of examples of kids getting into fights like that across TV and cinematic history that people wouldn’t point out as examples of homoeroticism. But when you couple that with moments like a later scene where Jesse runs away from his girlfriend as they’re about to have sex, only to seek solitude with Grady and they have this exchange:

“There’s something inside of me. And last night it made me go into my sister’s room. And tonight with Lisa in the cabana, it started happening again.” “I think you are seriously losing it, bro.” “I’m scared, Grady. Something is trying to get inside my body.” “Yeah, and she’s female, and she’s waiting for you in the cabana. And you wanna sleep with me.”

You can perhaps see why people might start drawing conclusions from other scenes.

That ‘something’ is Freddy who is seemingly manifesting himself through Jesse into the real world. Up until that point though, the lines have been very blurry as to whether or not Freddy is actually back or whether Jesse is just going crazy, caught up in the wild stories of this vengeful killer from beyond the grave and becoming some sort of copycat.

It’s that part of the movie that I really like, this gray area where you’re not sure exactly what’s happening. It’s something the Nightmare series is able to explore with its switching between the normal and dream worlds but it’s taken to another level here, rather than just use that to build suspense as to whether a character is in danger due to Freddy being present in the dream world, you can see Jesse descending into this madness and are left to wonder whether or not he’s the one actually the one committing these murders.

Things can be a little disorientating at times due to the editing which I’m not sure is intentional or due to them making cuts. I think there’s a couple of occasions where things will pick up in the morning with Jesse wearing one set of clothes, then jumping to lunch time at school or in the evening back home where he’s wearing different clothes, inplying a day or more has passed. I suppose it does add to the atmosphere in a way but it also comes off a bit weird to me.

The movie is pretty much entirely in the real world so it lacks the creative and unique kills that often arise when people slip into slumber and into Freddy’s realm. But it does feature a scene where Freddy finally emerges into the real world and terrorises a high school party. You don’t really get that widespread sense of panic elsewhere in the series, there’s often that sort of low level of ongoing dread once the group of kids realise what’s happening and fear the next time they fall asleep but Freddy often kills people when they’re alone so it’s a change to see dozens of kids trying to escape, trampiling each other as they try and break through a gate or climb a wall. Apparently Wes Craven didn’t like this scene as it made Freddy look silly by having him surrounded by a bunch of muscular jocks. I find that a little strange though since, yeah Freddy might not be the most imposing figure size wise but his body is pretty much one giant, oozing sore complete with knives for fingers so I’m pretty sure he’s going to come out on top in terms of intimidation. Not to mention all the supernatural shit he’s seemingly conjuring like turning the pool into a boiling pot and summoning up pillars of fire.

I feel like this is where things take a sharp downturn, having the manifestation of Freddy emerge kinda removes all doubt and also takes Jesse out of the movie until the very end. It just feels a little anti climatic to have this big final battle suddenly fought by Jesse’s girlfriend who falls back on the trope of ‘I know you’re still in there, I love you!’ as she implores Jesse to fight back and finally overcome Freddy. So much for that gay subtext if it’s hetro love that finally saves the day.

Going into this rewatch, I had this built up very highly in my head which I don’t think it was able to live up to. Possibly because this years Invisible Man has surpassed it in my head as the really good example of that ambigious horror I like so much. Like Elisabeth Moss in that film, Patton has a real good look to him here in getting across the anxiety that Jesse is going through.

And to draw comparison to another Universal horror, there’s something of a Jekyll and Hyde or Wolfman to Jesse, the way he worries about this transformation that he’s going through and about the thing inside him coming out. During that scene at Grady’s place, Freddy emerges from Jesse’s body almost like a butterfly breaking free of it’s cacoon. Maybe that’s what everyone is talking about when it comes to the gay themes, that sense of discovery taking place amongst young adults and the angst surrounding whether or not they really want to reveal their true selves to a world that, as we’re unfortunately discovering more and more these days, still isn’t ready to accept everyone even nearly 40 years after this movie came out.

So for the documentary – Scream, Queen is an appropriate name for more than just the play on the ‘scream queen’ moniker given to notable horror movie actresses like Jamie Lee Curtis, and the obvious double meaning with it being focused around Patton’s sexuality. There’s quite a few instances of him delivering screams during Nightmare 2 which is a little unusual for a male character in a horror movie, not least a lead like he was. Plus it’s a little unusual for a male to be the lead at all, ‘last girl’ and all that, especially in the Nightmare franchise, all the other ones I’ve seen so far are female led.

They talk about the negative reputation the movie has and highlight a lot of internet comments about the sexual themes, a lot of slurs in there and comments like ‘Jesse screams like a girl’. Well wouldn’t you if some burn victim grabbed you in your house, ran knived fingers across your face and then ripped the top of his head off to expose his brain? I don’t doubt for a second that there are scores of people out there who would write this off due to this, I would hope that those are just a minority and if people don’t like it that they have legitimate reasons for that.

It’s a very eye opening story because even after learning about all this ‘gay subtext’ surrounding the movie and Patton’s departure from acting, I hadn’t really thought about the wider reasons behind that. Like, you hear about him being typecast and you just think that he doesn’t want to be pigeon holed into just playing one type of character or that it was hard to find work in those roles because not many of them existed. But it’s much deeper and more disturbing than that, delving into the emergence of the disease into the wider public knowledge during the 1980’s and the panic surrounding that. They show archived headlines and TV clips, with one member of the public being interviewed on the news saying “what they’re doing is abnormal...they’re not fit, they’re not human beings”. It’s painted as a bit of a witchhunt, with tabloids trying to out any closeted Hollywood stars and Patton tells a story of being duped into divulging information on his own boyfriends illness. With blood tests implemented for any prospective actors and him being advised to look and act a certain way to be more palatable to casters, he’s being asked to deny who he truly is.

For as much as the movie looks at the darker period of his formative years and him walking away from Hollywood, it’s encouraging to see his re-emergence into the public eye and embracing the fandom surrounding the movie, taking part in conventions and screenings that shun the negativity and instead see the role as empowering, encouraging people going through similar situations and being something of a role model.

The film culminates in a sit down talk between Patton and Nightmare 2’s writer David Chaskin who he feels has thrown him under the bus whenever talk of the ‘gay subtext’ has come up, having long denied any such thing before slowly changing his story and claiming that it was the casting that ruined the movie. Just before this there is footage of Patton and Jack Sholder at a convention where Sholder comes across as a little condescending. He’s basically telling Patton that directing his ire at Chaskin is misplaced and that he should drop the whole thing given it’s been 30 years. There’s an element of truth to that but I think it’s understandable that Patton would feel that way, especially when he points out that it’s only recently that Chaskin has taken ownership of the subtext now that we’re living in a more understanding time where it’s perhaps viewed as a brave move to introduce this kind of element. It’s going to be hard to look past someone enabling more vitriol by pinning problems on you.

The talk between Chaskin and Patton is a little awkward and it comes across like they’re there for different purposes, Chaskin trying to lighten the mood periodically where Patton keeps a serious tone, challenging Chaskin on some of the comments he’s made.

There’s one in particular where Chaskin suggests that the movie could be played at conversion camps....yikes.

Patton openly saying beforehand that he’s looking for an apology but I don’t know if he exactly got that. Chaskin says he hopes Patton can forgive him and that there are previous comments he made that he regrets but it comes across a little laboured. Maybe there was more said whilst the cameras weren’t rolling or maybe Patton is just accepting what little he can get from the experience in order to bring some closure to the whole thing.

[sally-mun]

Ever met a celebrity or anybody famous? The most famous person I've met was a former pro boxer, by the name of Ray 'Boom-Boom' Mancini at a charity dinner at the banquet center I worked at 4 years ago. Nicest man you'd ever meet and he even sent me a signed autograph picture in the mail. I'm a Star Trek fan and I'd love to meet the cast of TNG, but autographs and conventions are so expensive. Of course there's the chance you could catch one of them on a bad day and get the brunt of it

If we’re including conventions, then yeah I’ve met several famous people before. I’ve met and gotten autographs and/or selfies from voice actors and screen actors, and I’ve occasionally met some artists too! Outside of that, though, I can’t really say I have. Even my best and most extensive meeting was still at a convention. You could even argue that Mario Marathon was kind of a convention in a sense, albeit a super limited one!

I wasn’t sure if I should include a list or not, so as a compromise I’m going to do so below a cut!

Voice Actors:

Sonny Strait (voice of Krillin) -- Got to spend basically an entire day with him! Unexpectedly encountered him at a convention waaaay way back in the day and he just kind of adopted me and the other handful of fans that were hanging around. He gave us all free DBZ CCG t-shirts, let us sit in the DBZ hummer, and signed anything we put in front of him!

Christopher Sabat (voice of Vegeta) -- I brought him a set of cookies made to look like dragon balls, and brought my favorite Vegeta card that I’d been saving for something like 17 years or so on the off-chance I could ever get it signed. He was so moved and impressed that he gave me two other autographs for free~

Todd Haberkorn (voice of Jaco) -- This was the same convention where I got to meet Chris Sabat, and I also brought him a box of cookies. He was so excited that he dug into them right then and there, and then when signing my card he even wrote “Thanks for the galactic cookies!”

Chuck Huber (voice of Android 17/Hiei) -- I’ve gotten autographs from him a couple of times for different characters. One of the items I got signed was one of the original Hiei action figures back when Yu Yu Hakusho first debuted in the US. He was impressed that I had it at all, let alone that it was in the box. (Amusingly, the only reason I did was because I had one previous to it that was out of the box on display and whose sword had broken. I got a new one intending to replace it, but just never opened it.)

Chris Rager (voice of Mr. Satan) -- SUCH a nice guy! We had a nice little chat and I offered him some dragon ball cookies I’d been handing out that day. He signed my trading card and took a selfie with me! I caught him at a panel where he told some absolutely amazing behind-the-scenes stories that I still tell to other people to this day.

Chris Cason (voice of Tien) -- Not much to say about this encounter, I didn’t get to say much more than a hello and thank you before he had to go. I’d missed the official signing session and just happened to catch him after a panel.

Team Four Star -- I catch these guys every opportunity I can manage, and every time I bring them some DBZ-themed treat. I refer to myself as “Snack Girl” when I come to get autographs, and at my last encounter Lanipator mentioned that I looked familiar when I came to the table, so I guess I’m making an impact! I have several stories concerning these guys, way too many to list here.

Little Kuriboh (YGOA voice of Merik, DBZA voice of Freeza) -- Amusingly I met him the time I was at a convention in my Piccolo costume, and that ended up being a whole conversation by itself. It then immediately turned into a conversation about Fallout because someone had brought him some New Vegas playing cards, lol. He was enamored with the trading card I had brought him to sign, and we had a discussion about a fund raiser he’d hosted to raise money for disaster relief where I’d won one of the auctions he’d held.

Kevin Conroy (voice of Batman) -- I found out very late that he was going to be in town, like maybe a week or two before, and dropped EVERYTHING to be able to meet him. When I was in line for an autograph I was so worked up that I kept getting light headed and having heart palpitations. By the time I actually made it to the table I was so starstruck that I could barely say anything. I’m pretty sure I said “I can’t believe you’re here” (??? wtf past-me) and something about him being so talented. He thanked me and didn’t really say much. I had also paid for a photo with him, and in the photo you can see my hand gripping the side of my leg REALLY tightly because I had a very strong instinct to hug him and I WAS NOT ABOUT TO BE THAT FANGIRL.

Charles Martinet (voice of most of the Mario cast) -- Holy shit, this man is playful! He was an absolute delight to talk to, and even just to watch with other people while I was in line. He was very open to whatever sorts of fan requests each person had and was just so warm and gracious with each person that came up. I mostly just wanted to shake his hand and tell him that Mario games basically set me up for the person I grew up to be today. The thing that amused me the most is that if you had him autograph one of the prints at the table, which had all the Mario characters on it, he’d do the voices of each character while doodling little word balloons for them~

Screen Actors:

John Barrowman (Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who/Torchwood) -- This was one of the first times I’d gone to a convention specifically to meet an actor. He was a lot of fun and did his best to be chatty, but his handlers were kind of hurrying people along. He was especially tickled by my name (I guess he doesn’t sign too many autographs made out to “Leda”), and he even signed a second item that we happened to have for free!

Cary Elwes (Wesley in The Princess Bride, among other things) -- This was another one of those moments where the weight of just WHO I was meeting got to me and I completely lost my voice. I think I said something about having grown up watching Princess Bride ever since I was a little kid?? I honestly don’t remember what I said, it’s kind of a blur. All I know is that I was so struck by the moment that I didn’t even remember to say that I also love him in the Saw movies.

Billy Boyd (Pippin in Lord of the Rings) -- Not a lot I can say about this one because it was a very fast-paced, conveyor belt sort of affair. We exchanged greetings and he thanked us very much for coming out to see him, and we all agreed that Pippin is totes the best hobbit.

Robin Lord Taylor (Penguin in Gotham) -- One of my favorite interactions meeting a celebrity, for sure! He was actually really interested in knowing about -me-, which completely threw me off-guard. He wanted to know where I was from and what I did for a living, and when I said I was a manager at Spencer’s he got really excited and squeaked “I LOVE Spencer’s!” While he was signing my doll I explained that Penguin is by far my family’s favorite character in Gotham and that we had a joke where, anytime the show switches back to him, we say “Meanwhile, with the REAL main character...” He got a big kick out of that~

Khary Payton (King Ezekiel in The Walking Dead) -- So I don’t watch a huge amount of Walking Dead, but I watch enough that I wanted to come along when my mom went to go get an autograph from him for my brother. He’s definitely the friendliest celebrity I’ve encountered -- so much so that he wouldn’t stay behind the table! He spent the entire time in FRONT of the table so he could hug every single person that came to see him! It was a nice strong hug, too, and he was just so welcoming and pleasant. I told him that, if I had to choose one of the communities in The Walking Dead, I’d absolutely choose The Kingdom. He threw his hands up to his sides and said dramatically, “You will always have a place in my kingdom!”

Penn & Teller -- This year my mom took me on a surprise trip to Las Vegas, and while we were there we got to see Penn & Teller perform, which has always been a dream of mine! After the show they came out into the lobby and they did autographs and selfies with anyone that wanted one, and I got to meet them each. It was a little disarming hearing Teller talk, and Penn was as funny as ever because he’d loudly comment whenever someone’s phone wasn’t working. During this trip I also had my Boris plushie as my “traveling doll” and asked if they’d take pictures with him as well, which they both obliged. Teller seemed particularly amused by Boris.

James Rolfe (the Angry Video Game Nerd) -- So I actually have kind of a long history with him, which originated with me contacting the show to donate a fairly odd peripheral accessory. I given a green light and provided an address, and since I was going to be mailing him anyway, I basically just got a big box and threw in any video game related stuff that I didn’t want anymore and didn’t feel like putting the effort into selling. It ended up being a HUGE box, so much so that I included an inventory list to make sure he didn’t accidentally throw something away. To my surprise he actually mailed me back an autographed AVGN print thanking me for the donations! I thought that’d be the end of it, but he’s actually since featured that peripheral several times on the show, and even included an Easter egg that I asked for twice! This year I got to meet him at Too Many Games and introduced myself as the one that sent the item in. He mentioned that they had a lot of fun messing with it.

Mario Marathon team -- I’m known as one of the regulars since I’ve been around since the first year, and a couple of years ago I was actually invited to the marathon itself as a player! It’s definitely one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and I only wish I could do it all over again! Everyone was just... wonderful~ I was there for several days so there’s obviously way too many stories to tell, but at least in this case you can always go watch the videos on Twitch.

Artists:

Steven Butler -- This was particularly amusing because I was the one that caught him by surprise. I happened to be making my way through the Artist Alley when I realized he was there, and since no one was at the table at the time I went over to talk to him. We had an awesomely long chat about his work (I was going through a sample book on the table) and his time drawing for the Sonic comics. He tried to bring it up as a talking point, and I told him “I know, I own some of your pages!” which REALLY threw him for a loop! He showed me some art for a new Sonic-style story he’s been working on, and I completely fell in love with a character that was clearly inspired by Sally (and I’m not just assuming, he confirmed as much). I then started talking about @fini-mun and how it’s only a shame he couldn’t meet Deebs too, and was talking about Deebs’ history with art and almost getting recruited to be in the Archie art stable as well and how they now do art streams. He was particularly interested in the streams, and I was like “Oh yeah, that’s actually why they aren’t here now, they have a stream today!” so he gave me a free print to pass along to Deebs as a show of interest and support!

Veronica Vera (from the Not Enough Rings comic) -- This was another chance encounter in Artist Alley. I was just kind of poking around to see everyone’s work, and I realized I recognized the comic she was selling. I commented that I loved that comic, and she said she was selling hardcover copies of the entire series. I love the comic and I wanted to show my support, so I bought a book and she signed the inside cover! Unfortunately Oliver Bareham wasn’t there at the time, so no autograph from him. Maybe one day if I’m incredibly lucky, I suppose.

Rich Koslowski -- This was at one of my very first conventions ever. He was an inker of the Sonic comics at the time, and I was only.... 12, I think? I mostly was just excited to be meeting someone that works on Sonic stuff, and I can’t remember much about the encounter aside from just babbling about liking Sonic. I remember him being very kind.

And unfortunately... Ken Penders --  This was at the same convention I just mentioned with Koslowski. As stated above I was only 12, and I was just excited to meet someone who works on Sonic stuff. I believe I was there because of a post on Archie’s Sonic website. Anyway what strikes me as the most surprising about this encounter is how -normal- it all was, at least as far as I remember it. I’ve heard some horror stories of Penders being horrible to fans at conventions, but at least way back at this time (like 1997 or so), he was passing for a normal human. He didn’t say anything mean to me (that I noticed), and he actually gave me some free Sonic loot, which I can’t imagine him ever doing nowadays. I still have the comic book he signed, and I legit consider burning it on a regular basis.

OKAY this ended up way longer that I thought it would. I think even -I- forgot how many people I’ve met before. If I think of anyone else I’ll add it to the list later!

[stokan]

The Top 20 Things of 2019

1. “Shallow” at The Oscars How can something be so anticipated, so hyped, so seemingly bigger than the freaking Oscars themselves, and yet still somehow exceed all expectations? We now know the answer: by completely subverting them. That’s why it makes perfect sense that the greatest moment of Lady Gaga’s career would be the simplest one. Her and Bradley Cooper simply standing up from their seats still gives me chills every time I watch it (and I’ve watched it A LOT). And the close up on their faces needs to be shown in sex ed classes.

If I could travel back in time, sure going back to kill baby Hitler would be great, but mostly I’d just want to go back to the exact second the curtain starts to raise on this performance, before I knew where it was headed next.

2. Olivia Colman winning Best Actress at The Oscars If you think it’s weird that there are two separate things from the same awards show on my list of the top things from the entire year, then, well, you’ve come to the wrong place.

This is the absolute platonic ideal of someone winning an Oscar. Our genuine shock at hearing their name, THEIR genuine shock at hearing their name, the genuine emotion from everyone involved, a speech that is heartfelt, human, funny, and charming in a way that only a true star could ever dream of being, all in equal measure. And it’s all part of a YouTube clip you can watch endlessly and find new things every time. (Glenn Close’s reaction when she loses is like an entire drama in and of itself.) Sure awards shows may be dumb, but then also, this is why they’re not.

3. Sharon Van Etten - “Seventeen” in advance of this year’s Oscars I just want to be on record that my favorite movie from 2019 about aging, feeling that life is passing you by, grappling with mortality, the passage of time, and the generation coming up behind you is Closing My Eyes And Listening To “Seventeen” By Sharon Van Etten. It has it all: the creeping melancholy and regret, the sense of doom that you try to dance away, the feeling that the past was maybe just a dream, the urge to yell into an increasingly uncaring void.

Part of the curse of aging is everyone becoming their own Casandra. Now you know, but no one will listen. And part of the joy of aging is realizing it doesn’t really matter if they do.

4. The writing on Succession

“Proof that, as long as the writing is there, TV doesn’t need to be anything more than people having conversations in rooms.” - theringer.com

I have a rule with these year end lists that I can’t feature something I’ve listed in a previous year. But it’s actually illegal to write about the best of 2019 without mentioning Succession. So I’m going to get around my self-imposed rule by this year specifically highlighting the writing on the show.

The amazing thing about Succession is how watchable it is not despite, but almost BECAUSE of the fact that not much actually happens. People talk a lot about things they are GOING to do, or MIGHT do, but there’s not a ton of actual DOING. And that’s actually great, because what we’re really here for is the talking. Every character talks with the biting wit of an Armando Iannucci character, the deep intelligence of an Aaron Sorkin character, and the realism of an actual human being. I find myself constantly rewinding just to make sure I took in the brilliance of each dialogue exchange. And literally every line Kieran Culkin is given to say would be the best line of the entire season on 90% of the shows on TV.

Everyone talks about how great the acting on Succession is, and rightly so, but actors are nothing without good words to say. And on Succession, to paraphrase a president of the United States that I’m sure ACN would love, they have the best words.

5. The chemistry of Kaitlyn Dever and Beanie Feldstein in Booksmart My favorite movie of 2017 was Lady Bird. My favorite movie of 2018 was Eighth Grade. So suffice it to say I was well prepared for how much I loved Booksmart. But what I was not prepared for at all was the incredible chemistry of two actors I had previously never even heard of before: Kaitlyn Dever and Beanie Feldstein. It feels impossible that the two of them aren’t real-life best friends. Life-long friendship is such a specific bond it feels impossible to fake, and yet somehow Kaitlyn and Beanie pulled the magic trick off. Experiencing the giddy contact high of their chemistry felt like being in the presence of a miracle. And anyone who says the romantic comedy is dead clearly didn’t see Booksmart, because maybe the best romantic comedy of the decade was the story of two people realizing the deepest, purest, most unique love of all can sometimes be the love you have for your best friend.

6. Fleabag Season 2 What on earth is there left to say about Fleabag that hasn’t already been said? And yet somehow even with all the discourse about this show it has still maintained its status as the rare cultural phenomenon with a 100% approval rating. To be as massive and as beloved as Fleabag and yet inspire zero backlash, not even a stray contrarian take from an online troll, feels impossible, and yet also, in the case of Fleabag, totally right. If (the now VERY problematic) Louie was the beginning of giving people money to make their idiosyncratic, personal, not-quite a drama not-quite a comedy TV shows, then Fleabag is the end. The apex of the art form. There’s nowhere to go from here but down. 2019 was the year television finally peaked. It was the year we all witnessed perfection. And it was the year that we fittingly all had a priest to guide us there.

7. Chelsea Peretti’s monologue at the WGA Awards Ironic that the year that proved that awards shows don’t need hosts is also the same year that gave maybe the best example ever of what a great awards show host can do. Chelsea goes so far inside baseball it gives new meaning to the phrase “corker”, and it’s all the better for it.

8. Vampire Weekend - Father of the Bride If you don’t think Father of the Bride is the best album of 2019 then congrats on not being a late-30s straight white man. But as a late-30s straight white man myself I’ve got two big things going for me:

1.) A life that has benefited from a history of privilege and near-total control over society stretching from the beginnings of civilization up until today 2.) An understanding that Father of the Bride is the best album of 2019

But what about Bon Iver and Wilco and The National and Sturgill Simpson and Big Thief, didn’t they all put out albums for late-30s straight white men this year you ask? To which I say: did any of those albums have a song on them called “Unbearably White”? No they did not! And that sort of ironic self-awareness is the kind of shit that has fueled a million straight white male sketch comedy scenes. It is the air we breathe. Also, have you heard “Harmony Hall” lately? Or “This Life”? Or “Stranger”? I mean, come on, leaving Brooklyn to make your “settled down in LA” album is the sort of late-30s straight white guy catnip James Murphy could only DREAM ABOUT. I may not have much these days, other than unlimited power and privilege, but at least I will always have Vampire Weekend, and they will always have me.

9. Lizzo Every year there is one thing that defines the year. One thing that 50 years in the future when someone mentions that year, it will be the first thing that pops into everyone’s head. And in America for 2019 that thing will be the impeachment of Donald Trump. But if there is a second thing, then it’s Lizzo. She was there when the year started, only got bigger as the year progressed and was arguably still getting more popular as the year ended. And she was everywhere. She was on massive stages and behind tiny desks. She was at the movies, she was on TV, she was coming out of every open car window. And she was definitely at every wedding you went to this year. Lizzo WAS 2019.

With the impeachment of Donald Trump I don’t know how far down the presidential line of succession we have to go before we get to Lizzo, but I know we would all be better off if we would hurry up and get there. Lizzo is the best of us.

10. This picture of Baby Yoda 

Ok I was wrong. Take everything I said about Lizzo and double it for This Picture Of Baby Yoda (you know the one, or if you don’t, click the link above). On the wikipedia entry for the year 2019 that definitely needs to be the picture. 

11. Kodi Lee on America’s Got Talent I realize you probably weren’t sitting around watching America’s Got Talent this summer. I certainly wouldn’t have been if I hadn’t happened to be working the live show tapings. But lemme tell you, if you didn’t see the show, you missed out on something truly magical this year. Something that makes you rethink what human beings are capable of. Something that goes so far beyond inspirational that I don’t think our language has a word to fully express it. Kodi Lee is a real life superhero, and provoking emotion is his superpower. Making it thru a full Kodi Lee performance without crying should be the new Turning Test. Forget America; Humans Have Talent indeed.

12. Taylor Swift - “Cruel Summer” Look I didn’t expect to ever find another “Teenage Dream”, but, well, here we are. I mean, a Taylor Swift single produced by Jack Antonoff and co-written by Annie Clark is pretty much genetically engineered to be one of my favorite things ever, but still: wow. Do the kids still use the term “banger”? Because if so, this is why the term was invented. I would have more to say about how great the rest of Lover is as well, but sorry, I gotta go now. I have to listen to “Cruel Summer” for the eight millionth time.

13. Michelle Williams in Fosse/Verdon If there was an award for best acting performance in any medium this would be the clear winner for 2019. In fact, can you win an EGOT for one single performance? What about a Nobel Prize? I can’t come up with an award or a title big enough to truly honor Michelle Williams’ work in Fosse/Verdon.

As a fellow actor very rarely a performance will come along that will make me think: ok we’re done here. Let’s all the rest of us pack it up and go home, because someone just won acting. This is one of those performances. So congrats to Dame Michelle Williams, you’re the new Pope.

14. American Factory My favorite line in all of Shakespeare is “there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”. And nothing is evidence of that more than the piece of art I have thought about most this year: the documentary American Factory (available on Netflix right now!). So many of the things we in western societies believe are universal bedrock virtues and value are in fact simply products of the society in which we were raised. Individualism, personal expression, autotomy, the importance of leisure time, and so many other things, are not absolute human values, only relative ones. What is important to someone in America, can be ridiculous and incomprehensible to someone in China. And vice versa. And neither side is right or wrong, only thinking makes it so.

American Factory is documentary that doesn’t say WHAT IF EVERYTHING YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW WAS WRONG, but instead shows something that is perhaps even more powerful: what if everything you know is simply just that, a thing you know.

15. White Claw Life is an endless parade of infinite options, possibilities, and choices. So I have no idea how you personally chose to spend your 2019. With one exception: I Know What You Did Last Summer. You drank an alcoholic seltzer water. Probably many of them, but at least one. At a park, at a beach, in a backyard, definitely at a party. If at some point this summer your paws weren’t wrapped around a White Claw (or a similar product) then you didn’t actually experience 2019. Because this is the year we all collectively got obsessed with combining America’s two hottest drink trends: flavored sparkling water and…hold on, lemme look up the name of this stuff…alcohol?

History may record summer 2019 as Hot Girl Summer, but those us who actually lived it know the truth: it was Hard Seltzer Summer

16. Marriage Story A movie that fundamentally misunderstands things I care about deeply - theater, Los Angeles, how the entertainment industry works - is my favorite movie of the year because of how deeply it gets right the thing I care about most: human beings. The way we talk, the way we behave, the way we love, the way we hurt, the way we create bonds that never fully go away. It’s been said a lot, but part of the beauty and magic of this movie is that it doesn’t take sides. Both people are right and both of them are wrong. And that’s how human relationships often work in real life, but rarely in art. There are no heroes, there are no villains; there’s only being alive.


(Also, Adam Driver, Imma let you finish, but Raul Esparza doing “Being Alive” is one of my favorite YouTube clips of ALL TIME. If you ever need to weep uncontrollably and you don’t have time to watch Marriage Story, then Raul Esparza’s “Being Alive” will do the trick)

17. Lil Nas X - “Old Town Road” “What kind of music do you like” used to be a very important question. Your sense of identity used to be defined by the type of music you listened to and what that choice said about you. But now music-as-cultural-signifier is as dead as the concept of owning music itself. Rap music is for elementary school kids. Country music is made by queer black Americans collaborating with Dutch teenagers. Billy Ray Cyrus and Korean pop stars appear on remixes of the same song. A song about an old road and an antiquated mode of travel becomes a massive hit thru the brand new music app TikTok. What kind of music do we like in 2019? All of the “kinds” of music at once, in one marvelously inescapable two minute burst of joy. Music is dead; long live music.

18. Chernobyl If you thought it was crazy that the year’s biggest song was a novelty country/hip-hop track by an unsigned artist rapping about trying to find parking for his horse, then wait until you find out what the summer’s biggest hit TV show was about! I mean, nothing screams “summer fun” like nuclear radiation and shooting dogs. But as always, no one ever truly knows what people will want until you give it to them. And clearly what we really wanted in our LOL Nothing Matters age was a captivating reminder that life on earth truly could end at any moment. Some things very much DO matter. And that something as dramatic, devastating, and consequential as Chernobyl could have happened in the fairly recent past and already have been largely forgotten about is incredible. But if you can take such a compelling story and tell it as well as the makers of Chernobyl did, then people will watch and learn and better understand an issue of vital importance, no matter how seemingly uncommercial it might be. So in a very 2019 sentence: thank you creator of the the Hangover franchise for your miniseries about a 1980 Russian power plant explosion. It was our collective summer obsession. (2019 was a weird year.)

19. Raphael Bob-Waksberg - Someone Who Will Love You In All You Damaged Glory

“I think about how loving someone is kind of like being president, in that it doesn’t change you, not really. But it brings out more of the you that you already are.”

Back in the day, Raphael Bob-Waksberg had a tumblr that was so good it both single-handedly inspired me get much better and writing my thoughts and putting them on the internet (thus what you are reading right now) and intimidated me out of doing it more often (why I now do this only once a year). In fact, I’m almost positive I had his tumblr listed as one of my top things of a year in the past, which is really the highest honor a tumblr account can receive. It was one of the single most impactful forces in the direction of my creative life. And now Raphael has taken the voice that created that tumblr and created my favorite TV show (BoJack Horseman) and wrote my favorite ever Craigslist post, and used it to create a book about love and loss and being human. And it feels like a wonderful treasure that was written just for me. It IS my worldview, expressed better than I ever possibly could. When I meet people now rather than doing the usual introductory small talk I am just going to hand them a copy of this book.

20. The New One - Mike Birbiglia Speaking of art that felt deeply personal to me…just hearing even a rough outline of the story Mike Birbiglia tells in The New One was enough to start me on a path of perhaps reconsidering one of my most deeply held beliefs. By talking about parenthood in a refreshingly honest and shockingly open way, he is able to possibly change lives. I know finally actually seeing the show in person (and it’s now available on Netflix) felt like a possible turning point in mine. Is it theater? Is it standup? Does it matter? Here’s what there are no questions about: it’s hilarious and deeply felt and perfectly constructed. It’s an absolute master class in story telling. And it’s my favorite thing I saw this year.

[aion-rsa]

Marvel's 31 Best Monsters

https://ift.tt/3430jzo

Marvel is more than just superheroes, they've done their fare share of horror characters, too.

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Halloween isn't just for monsters anymore. For every Frankenstein Monster that comes to your door, there are probably sixteen Iron Men and a few Rocket Raccoons. It seems that Marvel (and DC) heroes have infringed on the monstrous monopoly of Halloween, but that’s OK, because to even things out, the Marvel Universe has its fair share of monsters dwelling under beds, behind walls, and in gothic mansions (mansions usually expertly drawn by Mike Ploog) to even things out.

Starting in the late Silver Age, the Comics Code became less restrictive (because Frederic Wertham was killed by a mummy...actually, no he wasn’t), and Marvel was able to bring in all sorts of boogeymen to share page time with the likes of Thor, Spider-Man, and the Fantastic Four. These new, Universal-inspired monsters joined the Kirby Kreatures like Fin Fang Foom and Googam as the Marvel Universe became a world where things that go bump in the night became as commonplace as superheroes.

Join us as we journey into the darkest realms of the Marvel Universe and celebrate the greatest monstrous creations that ever sprang from the nightmares of the House of Ideas.

31. The Glob

Listen, I’m not going to exclude a character named the Glob from this list, am I? The Glob was once Joe Timms, a petty criminal, who like every other comic book swamp character ever, was transformed into a muck encrusted monstrosity by a mysterious bog. Glob fought the Hulk a few times before Timms was recreated into the being known as the Golden Brain and used as a weapon by the villain Yagzan and the crazed Cult of Entropists (and holy shit, did I just get an almost sexual rush from typing that sentence).

read more: 13 Essential Horror Comics

As the Golden Brain, Glob was defeated by Man-Thing because of course he was.

The strange bit of business is that there were three other Globs in Marvel history. There was the monstrous Glob from Strange Tales, a creature that was originally known as the Glop from Journey into Mystery, and the young X-Man known as Glob Herman. 

30. Scarecrow

There have been many comic book characters that have used the Scarecrow moniker, but this obscure Bronze Age Marvel creation might be the most twisted. This isn’t the iconic Jonathan Crane of DC lore or the lesser known Marvel villain that fought Iron Man and Ghost Rider many times. No, this Scarecrow is a demonic figure that dwells within a painting and, at times, walks the world of man.

Sometimes known as the Straw Man to avoid confusion with the Iron Man rogue, this Scarecrow only had three Bronze Age appearance but he was bursting at the seams with potential (and with hellspun demonic straw). The Scarecrow first appeared in Dead of Night, where the hapless Jess Duncan purchased the painting and began a story of Lovecraftian cults and cackling madness. But it was a story that was never quite finished as the tale of the Scarecrow has been relegated to the dusty bargain bin memories of the '70s.

read more: The Best Modern Horror Movies

But check out that Dead of Night cover, masterfully crafted by Gil Kane and Berni Wrightson and tell me that this Marvel monster couldn’t have been one of the greats. With his cackling laughter, his smile that reeks of insanity, and his gangly body, this Scarecrow was almost part of Marvel’s monstrous greats. And that’s no straw man argument.

29. Swarm

Swarm is a very obscure villain who made his debut in the pages of The Champions of all places. So why is he on our list? Because he's a freakin' Nazi Scientist MADE OF EVIL BEES! That's absolutely terrifying!

Fritz von Meyer was once one of Hitler's leading scientists who escaped to South America after the War and grew fascinated with the idea of hive intelligence. He tried to enslave a queen bee or something nutty and was devoured by her swarm. He was such an evil piece of schnitzel that his consciousness dominated the bees and he became Swarm.

read more: The 13 Scariest Moments in Afterlife With Archie

Swarm's most notable moment was on the Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends cartoon of the 1980s. The cartoon changed Swarm into an alien because I guess Nazi bees wouldn't go over well on Saturday morning after Foofur.

So yeah, genocidal Nazi bee man=monster.

28. Manphibian

In the '70s, Marvel had great success with its Universal Monsters parallels. Dracula was one of its top sellers and gained a large cult following, while Frankenstein’s Monster and Werewolf by Night each gained a level of success. Marvel had a Living Mummy so why not a Creature From the Black Lagoon knockoff?

Enter the Manphibian. Gosh, is that fun to say. Manphibian, Manphibian, Manphibian!

Anyway, old Gill Face here was kind of a tragic character. In his one and only Bronze Age tale, it was revealed that Manphibian was an alien creature that pursued a member of its own race across the galaxy after the rival creature murdered the Manphibian’s mate. The murderous swamp beast goes on a rampage until the heroic Manphibian stops it, but of course, the rest of the world now views the Manphibian as a soggy threat. Thus Manphibian was set up as Marvel’s leading Creature knockoff but it was not to be as Manny never popped up again.

read more: The Best Horror Movies on Netflix

Until recently that is, because modern day Marvel creators know that it is beyond awesome that something called a Manphibian shares the same world as Spider-Man and Wolverine. Manphibian has popped up recently in the pages of Ghost Rider, Punisher, and Daredevil and even played a major role in Marvel's recent Howling Commandos title thus proving that you just can’t keep a good alien version of a Creature From the Black Lagoon rip off down. MANPHIBIAN!

27. It, the Living Colossus

Marvel has a character named Colossus, Stephen King created a character named It, put them together and you get a child eating Russian clown with steel hard skin! Sadly, that’s not the It, the Living Colossus we are talking about although this It is still kind of cool.

It, the Living Colossus was created by Jack Kirby right before the dawning of the heroic Marvel age in pages of Tales of Suspense and was revived by Tony Isabella and artist Dick Ayers in the pages of Astonishing Tales #21 (1973).

In the Kirby tales, It was one of those rare Kirby Kreatures that appeared twice in the pre-Marvel Age monster mags. This It was a 100 foot tale Golem like stature crafted as part of an anti-Communist protest. As these things go, the stature was animated by an alien intelligence and trashed Moscow.

read more: 31 Best Streaming Horror Movies

Later, somehow, the statue found itself in the U.S. and once again was possessed and went on a rampage until a Hollywood effects genius named Bob O'Bryan. O’Bryan was the protagonist of the Isabella/Ayers Bronze Age tales. This time, it was revealed O’Bryan lost the use of is legs but was able to animate the lumbering piece of anti-socialist propaganda. By the way, the original It stories were inked by Ayers who got to revisit his co-creation over a decade later, how cool is that?

It has made recent appearances in the pages of Deadpool Team-Up and remains one of the most famed pronouns in Marvel monster lore.

26. Golem

While we’re on the subject of giant, lumbering stone colossuses, colossi? colossusseses? We have Marvel’s very own Golem.

There have actually been a number of Golems in the Marvel Universe but our stone monstrosity in question first appeared in Strange Tales and was created by two absolute legends, Len Wein and John Buscema. So this Golem of ours may not have had a huge historical impact on the MU but it was created by the same bard that created Wolverine, so it has that going for it. Actually, this Golem was infused with compelling Jewish lore and really captured the ancient feel of the Hebrew legend.

read more: The Horrific Return of John Constantine to Hellblazer

The Golem is pretty much the exact character you expect it to be with killer Buscema artwork. It didn’t have many appearances but the Golem did pop up in Marvel Two in One because if a Bronze Age monster was worth anything, it probably showed up in Marvel Two in One at some point.

25. Hannibal King

Long before Angel opened his detective agency in the Whedonverse, Hannibal King was on the case. Hannibal King was a supporting character in Marvel's immortal Tomb of Dracula series. He was a skilled private detective and also happened to be cursed with vampirism. It can be argued that King was Marvel's first vampire hero and used his undead gifts in an attempt to take down Dracula himself.

read more: The Most Shocking Moments From the Preacher Comics

Later, when Doctor Strange rid the world of vampirism by destroying all bloodsuckers (they got better), Hannibal King was spared. Even later, the dark curse returned and King joined the Nightstalkers, a team of monster hunters that also included Blade. Film wise, Hannibal King is notable for being played by Ryan Reynolds, before he found his one true calling as Wade Wilson in Deadpool.

24. Lilith, Dracula’s Daughter

Universal introduced the concept of a female scion of Dracula with the wonderfully atmospheric and surprisingly LGBT friendly 1936 monsterfest Dracula’s Daughter. Never one to let a monstrously good idea pass it by, Marvel introduced its own version of Drac’s little girl in the pages of the ponderously named Giant-Size Chillers #1.

Lilith was Dracula’s first child, the product of an arranged marriage between Dracula and his first wife Zofia. After the death of Dracula’s father, the future Lord of the Undead cast his infant daughter and Zofia from their homeland. Zofia was raised by gypsies because of course she was.

read more: Why Sandman is the Essential Horror Comic of the '90s

One night, Dracula, now undead and thirsty, attacked the gypsies, murdering Zofia’s son. Swearing revenge, Zofia transformed Lilith into a very different kind of vampire, one not weakened by holy symbols. Marvel even tried to put a modern day twist by having the spirit of Lilith possess a woman in the contemporary age, but sadly, Lilith never quite caught on in a solo feature. Lilith still makes scantily clad appearances at times in the modern Marvel Universe and if Marvel ever decides to put a horror anthology series on TV, here’s your Elvira-like host. A fan can dream, no?

23. Godzilla, King of Monsters

Yeah, it does too count! I’ll slap you.

Godzilla was once a legit part of the Marvel Universe. Godzilla starred in his own comic for about two years. During the run of the title, written by the all-star team of Doug Moench and Herb Trimpe, the King of the Monsters met and fought SHIELD, the Avengers, the Champions, Fantastic Four, and even fought Devil Dinosaur. It was as awesome as it sounds.

On any other monster list, Godzilla would be towards the top, but at Marvel, Godzilla only sparked very briefly. But listen, there was an arc where Godzilla was shrunken down by Pym Particles and fought a sewer rat. So there.

read more - The Weird History of Michael Myers Halloween Comics

Actually, some characters introduced in the pages of Godzilla went on to become (not big at all) parts of the Marvel Universe. Such as the only remembered by Roy Thomas Doctor Demonicus. Anyway, Godzilla stomped around the Marvel Universe for a few years and it was awesome.

22. Frankencastle

Remember that time the Punisher died and was resurrected as the Mary Shelley inspired Frankencastle? Yeah, that was a thing and it was written by Rick Remender and it was way cooler than it had any right to be. It was hard hittin’, blood lettin’, limb flyin’, ass-kickin’ monster fun and if you don’t take it too seriously, it was one of the most daringly different Marvel stories ever.

It also pissed off hardcore Punisher fans which is probably not the best group to anger.

read more: The 13 Most Bizarre Appearances by Horror Icons in Other Media

The Frankencastle arc also featured just about every great Marvel monster on this list, so if these buggers are giving you a hankerin’ for some true monster madness, give Frankencastle a whirl. I was hoping that it would start a whole plethora of Punisher/monster amalgamations. DracuCastle, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Pun, the Punisher from the Black Lagoon…

21. Man-Wolf

Any fictional universe that has not one, but two great werewolves is okay in our book. Man-Wolf was once John Jameson, son of J. Jonah Jameson, cranky publisher extraordinaire.

John Jameson isn’t just your everyday werewolf, he’s a cosmic werewolf! Marvel actually pulled off some batshit insane sci-fi adventures with Man-Wolf in the pages of Creatures on the Loose. In addition, Man-Wolf was also right at home in straight up superhero tales as he took on Spider-Man and or in gothic driven Bronze Age awesomeness in the pages of one of the million Marvel creature features.

read more: The Weird History of Friday the 13th Comics

As one does, Jameson was turned into Man-Wolf after he got a lunar gem lodged into his throat. He still pops up every now and then because space werewolves are never not cool.

20. Satana

The devil's daughter herself, Satana, burst open the Marvel black and white scene in the early seventies and was a nice tribute to cleavage laden, Technicolor Hammer Horror of the era. Satana is a succubus who seduced sinners and reduced their souls into butterflies, which she then kept in a little box and at times devours.

Some of the finest artists of the Bronze Age worked on Satana's early adventures starting with Roy Thomas and John Romita Sr. and moving on to Chris Claremont and Estaban Moroto. Her adventures were clearly cut for the same cloth as the Vampirella/Harris Comics stable of fright characters but they were also adult oriented, sexy, and atmospheric.

read more: The Essential Episodes of Tales From the Cryptkeeper

Recently, Satana played a role as a member of the Thunderbolts in one of the coolest runs of that always underrated Marvel book. So here's to Satana, the daughter of Satan, one of Marvel's most underused and frightful bad girls and possibly the most unlikely character that Disney ever owned.

19. Simon Garth, The Zombie

The first Marvel Zombie, Simon Garth, proved his immortality by surviving the pre-Marvel Age. Garth first appeared in the horror title Menace in 1953 but was shunted into the Marvel Universe proper with Tales of the Zombie #1 in 1973 (an awesome black and white mag that I have a complete collection of. Ladies, the line forms to the right).

read more: Who Lives and Who Dies on The Walking Dead?

Garth isn't your typical zombie. He retains a vestige of intelligence and morality which is somehow intensely disturbing. Imagine, rotting from within, but being completely aware of your desiccated state. Garth is one of those old school voodoo zombies and usually tried to do the right thing despite the thing that he is a walking maggot farm spit up from the pits of Hell.

18. The Living Mummy

As we said, Marvel had great success riffing on the classic Universal Monsters pantheon, so of course the House of Ideas had its own mummy! Marvel went a little left of center with its Mummy as it didn’t look to ancient Egypt for its shambling mound of bandages, it looked to ancient Africa and introduced N’Kantu, chief of the Northern African tribe the Swarili.

read more: 13 Essential Mummy Movies

Through the Living Mummy, some great creators like the late Steve Gerber were able to explore some Ancient African mythology and add some much needed diversity to the world of monster comics. The Living Mummy might not have lasted long as a feature, but N’Kantu starred in some truly great atmospheric comics in the pages of Supernatural Thrillers.

17. Sauron

Now, get a load of this prehistoric man terror. Sauron is not only a speaking, bipedal, pterodactyl, he also has the ability to drain the life energy from his victim. So essentially, he is a weredinosaur vampire and you bet your Creature From the Black Lagoon pajamas a weredinosaur vampire is going to make this list. Sauron makes his base of operations in the Savage Land and has gone head to beak with the X-Men many times. But for real, HEY DISNEY, YOU HAVE THE RIGHTS TO A WEREDACTYL, WHY AREN’T YOU USING THEM?

16. Groot

Groot was once an almost forgotten Kirby Kreature of the pre-Marvel Age until fans became hooked on a feeling and fell in love with this space Ent in Guardians of the Galaxy. Groot makes our list because in his first appearance, Groot was one evil, monstrous tree. He stomped around, tried to conquer Earth and did all the things a good evil monster should. Groot's monstrous roots (HA!) make him worthy of this list and the fact that he transcended complete monster obscurity and became one of Marvel's most popular characters makes this beastly tree one unlikely monster hero.

15. Mr. Hyde

Sometimes portrayed as a terrifying brutish monster and sometimes portrayed as a run of the mill super villain, Mr. Hyde is one of the oldest threats in the Marvel Universe. Named after the classic creature feature, the literary Mr. Hyde, Zabo created a formula that gifts him with tremendous strength and savagery. Hyde originally teamed with Cobra to make life difficult for Thor and Daredevil, but soon, the duo broke up and Hyde’s savagery really came out. In the pages of The Amazing Spider-Man #231-232, Hyde sought revenge on the Cobra and his true brutality and deviousness was revealed.

read more: The Weird History of Nightmare on Elm Street Comics

Since then, Hyde has been portrayed as a monstrous force worthy of his classic monster namesake. Of course, in recent years, a more watered down version of Mr. Hyde played a prominent role on TV’s Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD as the father of Daisy Johnson aka Skye. TV’s Mr. Hyde was tragic and nuanced but the comic book Mr. Hyde remains a monstrous threat that has created many horrors for most of Marvel’s mainstays.

14. The Morlocks

The Morlocks might seem like just another faction of mutants, but in the X-verse, homo superior just doesn’t come more Halloweeny than this crew of sewer dwelling monstrosities. The Morlocks long represented the more horrific side of the X-verse and there is just something about a group of outcast mutants living in the muck under our feet that makes these squad of ghoulishly creepy mutants worthy of our list.

13. Mephisto

You can’t very well have a list of the most nefarious Marvel monsters without listing the devil, hisownself. Not really the Biblical devil, Mephisto is a netherworldly tempter, a soul broker, and a liar who pretty much serves the same exact purpose as the Devil but he won’t get Marvel in trouble with Christian conservatives. Mephisto first battled the Silver Surfer in the Silver Age (HEY!) and has bedeviled (hiYO) just about every Marvel hero.

read more: The Best Horror Movies on Amazon Prime

He recently pissed off fandom by cutting a Faustian deal with Peter Parker and erasing Spidey’s marriage. Mephisto was a key figure in The Infinity Gauntlet, constantly whispering Iago like in Thanos’ ear and is the very symbol of corruption in the Marvel Universe.

Plus, he is a devil in a cape and that is always awesome.

12. Helstrom, Son of Satan

Son of Satan is a Marvel character who may not appear to be a monster (other than the big, honking Satan pentagram branded on his chest), but Damon Hellstrom here is the son of the Devil, and if that ain’t monstrous we don’t know what is.

read more: The Best Horror Movies on HBO

Son of Satan appeared in the pages of Marvel Spotlight before being spun into his own magazine. After the comic that had the balls to call itself Son of Satan in the mid-70s was unsurprisingly cancelled, Hellstrom became a member of the Defenders where he had his greatest success as a character. He's even getting his own TV series on Hulu soon enough.

11. Marvel Zombies

It's the entire Marvel pantheon of characters- as flesh eating zombies! When Mark Millar and Greg Land first introduced the Marvel Zombies in the pages of the Ultimate Fantastic Four, no one could imagine the splash these shambling, costumed creatures would make.

read more: 13 Horror Movies That Take Place on Halloween

In a bit of pure marketing genius, Marvel spun the Zombies into their own book. All of a sudden, you had zombie version of Spider-Man, the Hulk, Captain America, and the rest written by Robert Kirkman. Yeah, that Robert Kirkman, the very same bearded dude that created a little thing called The Walking Dead. Marvel Zombies had more mayhem per panel than most mainstream comics do in an entire year's run. So if you ever wanted to experience the horror of a zombie Peter Parker eating Aunt May, this is your jam.

10. Morbius, the Living Vampire

In the last days of the Silver Age, the Comic Code was still in full effect. You see, the Code strictly forbade the use of undead characters in comic book stories so Marvel (or any company) couldn’t use vampires. But how about a Living Vampire?

read more: The Best Horror Movies on Hulu

Dr. Michael Morbius became a human loophole when he used bat blood to try and cure himself of a deadly blood disease. Morbius was transformed by this forbidden science into a living vampire and became a longtime ally and foe of Spider-Man. Morbius may have started out as a way Marvel could scratch its monstrous itch but the not so good doctor became the first true horror character of the Marvel Age and remains a Marvel staple.

He'll be played by Jared Leto in an upcoming Morbius movie, too.

9. The Lizard

Other than that gamma fueled green engine of destruction that we will get to ina bit, The Lizard is Marvel’s greatest Jekyll and Hyde like creations. Originally scientist and family man Curt Connors, the Lizard tried to help humanity by finding a way to regenerate lost limbs. Connors himself was an amputee and he really, really just wanted to help people. That’s when things went very wrong as Connors’ formula transformed him into a bipedal, sentient lizard Hitler.

read more: 25 Movies That Will Haunt You After Only One Viewing

Now, Connors was not only feral and cunning, he could control any cold blooded creature and swore to dedicate himself to destroying all mammals. Lizard has long been Spidey’s most savage foe and would have been right at home in any Saturday matinee Creature Feature.

8. Frankenstein’s Monster

Something about the fact that a Boris Karloff looking, lumbering amalgamation of corpses is shambling around the MU fills me with comfort. The Marvel version of Frankenstein is pretty much a mashup up of Mary Shelley’s literary monster and the Universal classic creature feature. Frankenstein’s book ran for just a few years but the Mike Ploog artwork in the first bunch of issues is a sight to behold, and the manner in which the Bronze Age creators stuffed Frankie into the Marvel Universe proper was truly artful schlock.

read more: 13 Forgotten Frankenstein Movies

Over the years, ol' zipper neck here met the X-Men, Iron Man, Spider-Man, and many more Marvel mainstays and is still out there somewhere cursing the name of his creator. It’s alive, indeed.

7. Man-Thing

Most of Marvel's greatest creatures of the Bronze Age were derivative of the Universal Monster cycle of horror, but not Man-Thing. No, this classic Swamp Creature came from the strange tradition of comic book swamp beasts, the same tradition that spawned DC' Swamp Thing.

read more: The Weird History of Monsters vs. The Marvel Universe

After the brilliant scientist Ted Sallis was murdered and bathed in mystic swamp water and enhanced chemicals, he was transformed into the Man-Thing, a mindless yet empathetic beast who is drawn to intense emotion. Man-Thing was always a story engine more than a fully realized character as he would plod the swamps mindlessly drawn to the anger and terror of any human that dared to visit the Florida Everglades.

Man-Thing has a truly a horrific power as whatever knows fear, burns at the Man-Thing's touch. And what wouldn't know fear when gazing upon the misshapen form of 'ol creamed spinach face here. Marvel mainstays like Howard the Duck were introduced in the pages of Man-Thing's feature, and if you call yourself a comic book horror fan and you haven't read writer Steve Gerber's immortal run on the character, then you, my friend, are just going through the motions.

6. Werewolf by Night

Who ever thought a werewolf named Jack Russell could be so awesome? Werewolf by Night was part of the Marvel monster surge of the early '70s and remains one of Marvel’s most heroic classic monsters.

read more: 13 Essential Werewolf Movies

In fact, none other than one of Marvel greatest monster hunters Moon Knight first appeared in the pages of Werewolf by Night as Russell’s title was once an essential part of the MU. At times, Russell is cut from the classic Lon Chaney mode of lycanthrope but at others, the kind and moral Russell is fully in control of his inner beast and operates as a classic super hero (albeit a hairy one). One can usually find issues of Werewolf by Night in dollar bins and that is one hell of a bargain because Werewolf by Night was one of the strangest, most surreal titles of the '70s.

Awooohhhh!!!!

5. Ghost Rider

What more can be said about Johnny Blaze or any of the other demonic bikers who have called themselves Ghost Riders?

The legacy of the Ghost Rider began in the pre-Marvel Age with a ghostly Western character who haunted the prairie of the American frontier. In the modern era, stunt biker Johnny Blaze was possessed by the demon Zarathos and became the flame headed spirit of vengeance of legend.

read more: The Weird History of Ghost Rider

At times, Ghost Rider has been a threat to the Marvel Universe and at others, he has been a stalwart hero, but the fact that Blaze has the power to burn the souls of evildoers makes him a featured part of this Halloween list. Arguably Mike Ploog’s greatest character design, Ghost Rider has gone through many incarnations over the years but somehow, the curse always comes back to Blaze, a man who treated with the devil and no rides the highway to Hell as the legendary Ghost Rider.

4. Blade

By all appearances, Blade isn't really a monster. In fact, he might be the greatest monster hunter in comics (sorry Buffy). But consider the fact that Blade is part vampire, and you have a heroic bloodsucker worthy of making our top 5.

read more: The Evolution of Marvel's Blade, Vampire Hunter

Blade's mother was turned into a vampire as she was giving birth to the future vampire hunter, making Blade a Daywalker, a man who is half mortal, half monster. Blade not only starred in many Bronze Age adventures in the pages of Marvel's black and white mags of the '70s, he was also a major player in Marvel's classic Tomb of Dracula, a part of the '90s Midnight Sons line of books, but he is also the reason we are living in the Golden Age of super hero cinema. Without Blade's cinematic success, a relatively obscure Marvel character before the films despite his monster hunting awesomeness, there would be no Hugh Jackman and the X-Men or Marvel Studios Avengers movies.

Speaking of which, Blade will finally join the MCU as played by Mahershala Ali.

3. Dracula

The granddaddy of them all, Dracula, is not only a cinema legend, he is not only a legend of literature and television, he is a comic book legend as well thanks to the premiere scare comic of the '70s, Tomb of Dracula. After writer Gerry Conway kicked off the title in grand fashion, the immortal creative team of Marv Wolfman and Gene Colan crafted arguably the greatest monster comic of all time.

read more: 14 Times Dracula Fought Marvel Superheroes

Somehow, Marvel made Dracula into a classic anti-hero that captured the atmosphere and pathos of Bram Stokers’ novel and the Universal Horror classic. Somehow, Marvel also managed to weave in some super hero craziness as well with Dracula serving as the sometime hero in a book that featured one of the richest supporting casts of any comic of the 1970s. So many characters on our list, Lilith, Blade, and Hannibal King to name but a few, got their starts in Tomb of Dracula. But it was Vlad the Impaler himself that outshined them all with his evil brand of nobility. Dracula went on to star in major arcs in books like the X-Men, Thor, Doctor Strange, and even Howard the Duck. 

Dracula, in his modern incarnation, still stalks the Marvel Universe and remains Marvel's greatest classic monster.

. 2. The Thing

I almost feel bad calling Ben Grimm a monster; after all, he has saved the world with his pals the Fantastic Four countless times, but those early issues of Fantastic Four were filled with classic horror nods especially when it came to the Thing. Remember when Jack Kirby would draw Grimm in an oversized coat, with a classic fedora pulled down over his eyes? More often than not, Ben would go on angry rampages, lashing out at the world after his transformation into a hideous rock beast.

read more: The Best Modern Horror Movies

The early days of the Thing and the Fantastic Four borrow as much from the Phantom of Opera and the classic Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde as it did from Superman. So Aunt Petunia's favorite nephew makes our list. The horror tropes surrounding the Thing really didn't last too long, but seriously, read those early FFs, you can almost hear the classic eerie organ music when Ben steps onto the page - classic horror goodness.   

1. Hulk

Like the Thing, the Hulk is way more superhero than horror icon, but in the character's year history, there were plenty of times that this titanic creature was cast in the role of classic monster. Again, particularly during the early days of the character, the Hulk had much in common with the classic monsters of old. The Hulk had an obvious connection to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, in fact, Bruce Banner has been called the Atomic Age Dr. Jekyll many times. The Jade Giant had a great deal in common with Frankenstein's monster and even had some parallels to the classic Wolf Man.

read more: Universal Monsters Timeline Explained

If you'll remember, in the original Hulk series, when the Hulk was still a malevolently intelligent grey brute, the Hulk did not transform when he got angry, instead it was at nightfall, and if that ain't classic monster goodness we don't know what is. So even though Hulk has thrown down with some of Marvel's greatest heroes and villains, underneath the skin of this Avenger beats the heart of a classic lonely and misunderstood monster that would have been right at home in a Universal classic.

Read and download the Den of Geek NYCC 2019 Special Edition Magazine right here!

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The Lists Marc Buxton

Oct 25, 2019

Marvel

Dracula

Hulk

Frankenstein

Ghost Rider

31 Days of Horror

from Books https://ift.tt/2JoI9Aj

[neverwatchedonepiece]

601-602: "Shaking up the New World! Caesar's Horrendous Experiment!" and "The Deadliest Weapon of Mass Destruction in History! Shinokuni"

Don’t think Law’s up for it, Caesar...

This may be a controversial opinion, but I think Caesar is great.

Not a great person, obviously. I mean, if you think Caesar is a wonderful person, you probably need therapy. But. As a character? As a villain in the crapsaccharine world of OP which is rammed with strong personalities? Yeah. Absolutely a good, fun-time villain.

So far, he is unrepentantly, unashamedly wicked. He is a business-minded, deceitful, manipulative snake with charisma through the roof, who also happens to be an excellent scientist. He has a flamboyant, dramatic, highly-strung personality, which is super entertaining. He has a memorable design and a hilariously expressive face. (YMMV, of course. I know a lot of people hate villains like Caesar, but I love them.)

It’s early days yet. I mean something could yet happen that might make me go off him (e.g. I hate it when villains are woobified). But right now, Caesar is stealing the show. I look forward to watching each episode because I wonder what that deranged monster is going to do next.

Now Luffy and Law’s fight back is about to begin, I await his screeching downfall with baited breath. (As much as I love villains, I also love watching their plans unravel.)

Last Christmas, a Clown Kept Your Heart

And the very next day, he gave it away.

Next year, to save himself tears, 

Law allied with Strawhat Luffy.

I’ll bet that joke has been done to death, undeath, and back again, but come on! Who can resist such low-hanging fruit? Caesar Clown is the gift that keeps on giving.

He was on sparkling form again across episodes 601 and 602.

The action kicked in with Smoker’s Marines hammering at Caesar’s front door. One Marine began to notice they were the only ones left outside. Caesar’s minions had hoofed it round the back. Wasn’t that strange? He was ignored. (Don’t worry. We heard you, random fodder Marine.)

An airship passed overhead (they must be a thing in the OPverse as the Marines recognised it.) Caesar arrived with the Lab Kiddies in tow.

“Come on, children, you can get off now,” he sang. “And remember, this is your home. Don’t ever go out on your own. And of course you can have candy soon. Go straight back to the biscuit room. I’ve left plenty of candy in there for you. Now, I have to go back to my research room. Relax and enjoy the delicious, delicious candies.”

Trans: you kids are bugging me already. Beat it back to your room so I can get back to marketing my chemical weapons to dodgy brokers round the world.

The black-haired girl called Mocha had a flash of regret. She was lucid for just long enough to realise she’d just walked right back into hell again. “Nami and the others were very nice to me!” she screamed, banging on the door, “why is it so scary here? Is it because I’m not a good child?” (Caesar must have said stuff like that to them before. Bad things happen to you if you’re not a good child. I only give my crack-candy to the good children, etc.)

Back in Caesar’s lounge/bar whatever it is, Vergo got a fucking spoon stuck on his face while drinking coffee. That guy must have adhesive stubble, or something. He was wondering what was taking Caesar so long?

Speak of the devil and he shall appear, right? 

The first thing Caesar did was apologise to Vergo for keeping him waiting. At this point I still had no idea why Vergo was there. To be honest, I’m still not entirely sure why Vergo showing up is a bad thing for Law. Like, of course Caesar would rat out a threat to his boss, but if Caesar had Law’s heart, he could have just squished it once Monet told him Law had been making arrangements with the Strawhats behind his back.)

Caesar bitched that Vergo didn’t have Smoker under better control (because when Smoker showed up, Caesar had a brief ohshit moment). Vergo admitted that Smoker is a wild card and that no one has control of him. Buuuuut.... now Smoker will be dead soon, so it was all cool.

Law Pushes Caesar’s Buttons

Caesar, who had missed the welcome party, took a moment to become acquainted his his new hostages and indulge in a spot of button pushing.

“Look at yourself, Law. I bet you were quite helpless against Vergo, hm? The deal I had with you worked in my favour.”

Now the heart-in-a-box squishing stuff makes much more sense. Turns out Law can also shamble his own heart into a box (not the best idea when dealing with a treacherous snake of a scientist, to be honest).

When Law first turned up, looking to stay on Punk Hazard, Caesar said: “In exchange for letting you stay, you’re going to give my people legs? Fine. But since you’re stronger than me and I’M the boss of this island, if you want to stay here, I need insurance. I want to entrust my dear secretary Monet’s heart to you. In return, I keep your heart and it’s a deal. As long as we have each other by the balls, you can’t do anything bad and I’ll feel safe.”

Interesting. Caesar sees Law as being stronger than him. Probably a known haki user? Caesar can’t be that strong then. He’s just tricky and/or has a strong fruit. Also, notice Caesar did not volunteer his own heart. He volunteered Monet’s.

For a moment I wondered why Caesar was blaming Law for the whole trust issue. Hadn’t Caesar called Vergo on Law for some random, unknown reason?

Nah, turns out Monet had overheard Law’s plan to kidnap him and forge an alliance with the Strawhats.

I mean, sure Caesar is pretty evil and all, but if I were him and my lodger was teaming up with some dude and planning to kidnap me, I’d call my boss for backup too. Why he gave the heart to Vergo is kind of a mystery, but whatever. I’ll find out soon enough if I need to know.

Law, being caught out, went straight for the roast.

“You’ve been saved by your diligent secretary, eh? I should’ve been more careful about Monet. Since the “Master” was so dumb, I didn’t care much.”

Ooooooooh, Caesar was maaaaaaad. He hates being called dumb. (I bet it’s that superiority complex. Vegapunk has always been the glorious, lauded genius while he has to work in the shadows for psychos.) 

Just before Caesar took out his wounded ego on Smoker’s heart, Monet said the Smiley-cam video feed was ready. 

No, You Didn’t, You Sentient Gas-Blob Murderer! How Could You?

So Caesar immediately switched his attention to his Big Marketing Campaign. A caged Marine could wait. Not a priority.

All over the OPverse, brokers and dodgy characters watched Caesar’s Big Moment (by the way, did I see Laffite in 602? I spied a tall top hat and a bottle of Jack Daniels-type booze on a table). 

Caesar gleefully explained how Smiley worked. Smiley was the HS2 poison gas bomb that killed almost everything on Punk Hazard four years ago. However, there was a problem with Caesar’s experiment last time round. It killed *almost* everything. Despite being at death’s door, some inconvenient survivors insisted on surviving. How rude!

To counteract that, he has given Smiley a boost that will sort the whole survivors issue.

And, oh, the fake tears! The hilarity when Smiley would not do what the fuck Caesar said. “SMILEY, I MISSED YOU! THIS BRINGS BACK WONDERFUL MEMORIES OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION! I HAVE A DELICIOUS TREAT FOR YOU---- WAIT, DON’T EAT THAT NOW... well, um... I suppose it’s okay... YES, HAHAHAHA, EAT THE TREAT!”

You’re not fooling anyone, Caesar. xD

The giant candy Smiley munched fizzed like a seltzer. Smiley was not feeling so good. It was kind of a shame, actually. I’d grown to like Smiley. It was like a giant, deadly, disobedient dog who does not listen to a word its human says when food is involved.

And Caesar disguised Smiley’s death as a treat.

With a Slasher Smile Like That, You Probably Petrify People on a Daily Basis

Well, Caesar would say Smiley is reborn. “Good work, Smiley! I will see you again! Be reborn, Smiley!”

But Smiley is definitely dead. (The whole bit with the apples was kind of confusing but I think I’ve worked it out... Smiley must have eaten an animal DF to become the sentient gas blob he was. This explains why the shot kept panning to apples in a sack. Then, when Smiley died, one of them turned into a Devil Fruit. Smiley had given it up when he died.)

R.I.P, Smiley.

And welcome Shinokuni, the Land of Death: the latest and greatest weapon of mass destruction!

Caesar definitely must’ve fallen out the psycho tree and hit every branch on the way down when he was a kid, because, man, that guy was *way* too excited to watch his fodder goons come croppers to Shinokuni. 

“Yes! It worked! No one can get away this time. The problem last time was survivors. They could still run even after being poisoned. This gas clings to their skin like ash, enters through the kind and paralyses the whole body! Yes, give us a good glimpse of hell!”

Now, I don’t know if any of you guys have ever watched a movie called Event Horizon, but there’s this messed up scene when the rescue crew discover the ship’s log of the crew who disappeared on a spaceship seven years before. The log is... yeah... it’s messed up. It’s like a glimpse of hell. (Don’t google it if you hate horror movies.)

(Something tells me Caesar would have been totally okay on the Event Horizon. Knowing him, it probably would have been his fault. He’d be in a room, absolutely fine, while literal hell is breaking loose outside on deck. xD)

That Moment When Everyone Really Hopes It’s Usopp

While Caesar is sacrificing pets to achieve an upgraded pet, the rest of the Strawhats were still outside while the Purple Mountain of Oh Shit What Is That? was thundering down the mountain and over the island. 

Zoro, Sanji, Brook and Foxfire had a front row seat! They were smart and ran sideways. This bought them a bit of time while Caesar’s minions were Pompeii’d. 

And that running scene was golden, by the way. I’m disappointed I limited myself to one screenshot of it. Loved it when Sanji tried to figure out what was going on and Foxfire yelled, “Shut up and run!”

Zoro was generally impressed by the all-round quality of running on show, but suggested if the assembled could run faster than the wind, that’d be great. Luckily, they caught up with a sled-pulling dragon (that Caesar deliberately set free so his minions would be stranded). I’m guessing the dragon will head home and that will be how Zoro and the others end up back in Caesar’s lab.

Nami and Usopp also managed to hitch a ride before the Purple Gas Cloud of Doom hit their patch of the mountain. Brownbeard hauled himself out from under a huge metal pipe. He gained the strength to do this from sheer hatred of Caesar Clown (lol). Brownbeard wants to save his crew from Caesar, which is kind of nice. He’s a good guy after all. Usopp suggested they join forces because they wanted to save the experiment kids from Caesar.

Brownbeard knows where the lab is and probably knows most of the entrances. He’ll smuggle Nami and Usopp inside no bother, I’ll bet.

Caesar’s Need To Show Off Will Be His Undoing

While most of the free Strawhats were hauling ass away from the Purple Cloud That Is No Longer Smiley (I’m still weirdly bitter about Smiley), Luffy, caged in the lab watched as Zoro and the others ran faster than the wind. Once Luffy established that, hey, the Samurai Guy getting his legs back was not a top priority right now, (lol, Robin!) he tried to shout advice to Zoro.

Unfortunately, Luffy, you can’t shout through a video feed. But Caesar hear him and floated over to gloat. “Are they your friends, Strawhat? Unsurprising. They’re strong. But soon they’ll run out of breath and be poisoned. And eventually, there will be only an uninhabitable land of death. No one outside this lab will survive. And neither will any of you! Now, prove it to the world! Before this weapon of mass destruction, a pirate with a 400 million bounty, a Vice-Admiral and even a Shichibukai are totally helpless against a tide of death.”

A lever was pulled.

And I think Caesar made his big mistake: letting the Strawhats out of his sight.

Law (I think it was him) chucked a rolled up message to Chopper, who fretted in the shadows about what to do. “Don’t do anything.”

This Face Does Not Bode Well for Caesar

Because now the Strawhats are out of Caesar’s line of sight, they can talk tactics, regroup and launch their fight back.

Can’t help but think if Caesar had not insisted on using the Strawhats as an example, he could have disposed of them quietly in the lab, or used them as test subjects forever. Of course, that would have been - bam! - end of manga. And we cannot have that.

Three cheers for Caesar’s need to show off! His arrogance and ego have prolonged the plot!

Thank you, Caesar, for that one dumb thing you did. xD

Chopper saw what you did that one time and is judging you.

[waterlilyvioletfog]

Top 3 Supernatural Episodes Per Season

Warning: Spoilers below the cut. I am SUPER biased. Take everything I say with a HEALTHY grain of salt. 

Season 1: omg they look like INFANTS

1. “Home” 1x09. This episode is amaaaaaaaaaaaaazing AND it’s super important to the mytharch AND we get Winchester family drama. One of those early instances of “Wow we need to give Jensen Ackles an emmy like yesterday”. Mary turns up and foreshadows like??? so much??

2. “Scarecrow” 1x11. Super creepy, major “The Lottery” vibes, fuck I just. I love it. 

3. “Hell House” 1x17. Close call between this one and “Something Wicked” but in the end, Harry and Ed and all the hilarity that ensues just. *chef’s kiss* 

Honorable Mentions: “Something Wicked”

Season 2:  ugh so many good episodes season 2 is SO good

1. “The Usual Suspects” 2x07. SAM GETS TO BE SO SNARKY IN THIS EPISODE AND I LOOOOVE IT. Also Diana is a bamf. 

2. “Croatoan” 1x09. UGH YASSSSSSS. Close call between this and “In My Time Of Dying”, though

3. “What is And What Should Never Be” 2x20. Look man, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m cheap as all get out. Dean angst? Gimme gimme. Also it has WYNONNA EARP IN IT.  

Honorable Mentions: “In My Time of Dying”, “Nightshifter” 

Season 3:  half of these episodes suck, the other half are perfect heeeelllppp

1. “Bad Day At Black Rock” 3x03. This episode it just hilarious from start to finish. Also, Bela vs. Dean. 

2. “Mystery Spot” 3x11. A double whammy of HILARIOUS and OH FUCK THIS IS DEPRESSING. 

3. “Jus In Bello” 3x12. It was real hard to decide between this and Ghostfacers but ultimately, Nancy Fitzgerald (aka Ella Lopez) and Victor Henrikson are the actual best and deserve all the love ever.  

Honorable Mentions: “Ghostfacers”, “The Kids Are Alright” 

Season 4: Somehow there is only one episode that is not stunningly amazing?? 

1: “On the Head of A Pin” 4x16. Cas becomes a main character and it is AMAZING and oh my god give Jensen ALL the emmys oh and ALSO we finally learn exactly what Sam and Ruby’s “extracurricular activities” entail. Feels like a movie. We get the reveal that the angels are working to break the seals. Anna is also amazing. Why is this episode so beautiful. I’m fucking crying and so is Dean. I could gush for hours. 

2. “It’s a Terrible Life” 4x17. This episode is just a fucking delight. (Am I giving it such a high score on the basis of The Kink’s “Well Respected Man” alone? Maybe. Honestly I SHOULD be putting Rapture here but oh well. I’m biased.) 

3. “Monster Movie” 4x05. It was hard to decide between this “In the Beginning” “Lazarus Rising” “The Rapture” and “Lucifer Rising” (which all deserve all the praise ever) but ugh ugh ugh this episode is ALSO perfect AND I love it a bajillion. It’s in black and white and the guest actress is SO pretty and also I think I’ve already gone into detail about how the MoTW is a Lucifer Parallel. Also Dean says he’s been rehymenated so TRANS!DEAN RIGHTS! 

Honorable Mentions: “In The Beginning” “Lazarus Rising” “Lucifer Rising” “The Rapture” 

Season 5: You want to be sad? You also want to watch really good TV? SEASON FIVE IS WHERE IT’S AT! 

1. “Two Minutes To Midnight” 5x21. I know, I know. I should be putting “Swan Song” here but look,, I am easily bought with the promise of Julian Richings as Death. 

2. “Free To Be You And Me” 5x03. Funny Destiel buddy cop film, Sam gets to be filtered through the eyes of an audience-stand-in in universe, also contains Castiel’s ICONIC line “but today you’re MY little bitch”. 

3. “Dark Side of The Moon” 5x16. Narrowly beats out “My Bloody Valentine”, “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid”, and “The Song Remains The Same”. I am trash for any pieces of Sam and Dean’s childhoods and also this episode gives me SO MUCH material for beating up John with a baseball bat. 

Honorable Mentions: “Swan Song” “My Bloody Valentine” “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid” “The Song Remains The Same” “The End” 

Season 6: We Don’t Talk About Season Six. 

1. “The Man Who Would Be King” 6x20. Cas. Destiel. Ow. 

2. “Mommy Dearest” 6x19. Eve! Sam Smith! idk, I just really like it.

3. “Appointment In Samarra” 6x11. As I said, I am easily bought with Julian Richings. Tessa the Reaper!!! Sam stop trying to murder your father. 

Honorable Mentions: “You Can’t Handle The Truth” “My Heart Will Go On” “Weekend At Bobby’s”

Season 7:  Terrible reputation given the fact that it has SO many great episodes. Sera Gamble? You’re mean. 

1. “Slash Fiction” 7x06. Why is this episode so hilarious???? Robbie Thompson starting out with a BANG!

2. “Plucky Pennywhistle’s Magical Menagerie” 7x14. In the total goop of “thick. black. ooze.” of this season, 7x14 is a light in the darkness. Every inkling of joy, of spark, of color, of childishness, all of it, poured out into this one episode, wherein Sam totally loses his cool and I love it. Sam looks so pretty at the end. Dean is simultaneously an actual child and an actual Dad and I love it. 

3. “Out With The Old” 7x16. I love me some levis, man, don’t know what to tell you. It’s just so fun!!

Honorable Mentions: All of Robbie’s episodes, “Hello, Cruel World” “Repo Man” “Reading Is Fundamental” “How To Win Friends And Influence Monsters” 

(The ONLY reason I’m not including TBAI is bc @mad-as-a-box-of-frogs is slowly converting me to hating Megstiel enough to not watch Destiel episodes) 

Season 8: That one season where we admitted that Crowley’s a DICK. 

1. “Hunteri Heroici” 8x08. CAAAAS!!! Also the only episode where anyone watching actually gives a shit about the Sam x Amelia flashbacks. 

2. “LARP And The Real Girl” 8x11. Super fun! CHARLIE RETURNS. Dean is a FUCKING NERD. Sam gets flirted with :) Real close tie between this one and Pac-Man Fever

3. “The Great Escapist” 8x20. Edlund really gave it his all for this last episode. Cas kicks SO much ass. Sam needs to be protected at ALL costs. Kevin ALSO kicks SO much ass. The actor who plays Sweet Pea on Riverdale is here??? Wow.  

Honorable Mentions: “Pac-Man Fever” “As Time Goes By” “Everyone Hates Hitler” “Trial And Error” 

(See note on The Born-Again Identity for why Goodbye Stranger is not on this list. Again, blame @mad-as-a-box-of-frogs )

Season 9: Sam is mad at Dean for not letting him go

1. “First Born” 9x11. No, I will not elaborate. Tim Omundson speaks for himself. There is nothing wrong with this entire episode and if you try to tell me there is I can and will gut you like a fish. 

2. “Heaven Can’t Wait” 9x06. DESTIELLLLLLLLLLLL. 

3. “Do You Believe In Miracles?” 9x23. Wow it’s the first Season Finale to make it to my top 3!! Metatron gets what’s coming, DEAN BECOMES A FUCKING DEMON. 

Honorable Mentions: “Bad Boys” “Mother’s Little Helper” “Alex Annie Alexis Ann” “Meta Fiction”

Season 10:  Dean is mad at Sam for not letting him go

1. “The Executioner’s Song” 10x14. See my comments on “First Born”. 

2. “Angel Heart” 10x20. BRING YOUR DAUGHTER TO WORK DAY. DESTIEL. JIMMY X AMELIA. COOL UNCLE SAMMY. DEAN IS A NERD. DEAN IS CLAIRE’S DAD NOW SORRY NO TAKE BACKS. (also, “blue eyes crying” is just ugh ugh ugh)

3. “The Werther Project” 10x18. SAMWITCH RISE!!!!!!!!!!! 

Honorable Mentions: “Hibbing 911″ “The Prisoner” “The Things We Left Behind” 

Season 11: Ahh, yes. You. Lucifer. Get fucked. 

1. “Don’t Call Me Shurley” 11x20. *slow clap* Robbie Thompson, you have served your country well. 

2. “Red Meat” 11x17. This is gonna sound strange, but this episode is sorta my comfort food?? I’ve watched it literally so many times. I love it. So much. 

3. “The Chitters” 11x19. Nancy Won wrote three episodes for SPN, all in season 11, they are all stellar. Chitters is GAY. She also wrote “Don’t You Forget About Me” and “Thin Lizzie” I’m putting them here so as not to crowd up the Honorable Mentions.

Honorable Mentions: “The Vessel” “Devil In the Details” “We Happy Few” “Baby” “Form And Void” “Into the Mystic” honestly just watch every non-bucklemming episode they are pretty much all amazing. 

Season 12: I WILL DEFEND MARY WITH MY LIFE DON’T @ ME 

1. “The Future” 12x19. DESTIEL. I would die for Kelly. Fetus!Jack. GOODBYE DAGON!! THE MIXTAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. “Who We Are” 12x22. JUST KILL ME WHY DON’T YOU, BOBO?! WE ALL KNOW YOU WANT TO. 

3. “Stuck In the Middle (With You)” 12x12. Destiel love confession!!!!!! Drowley!! Mary will fight everyone willingly!! SAM GETS THE ORANGE JACKET

Honorable Mentions: Every. Single. Non-BL. Episode. Watch. Them. Now. 

Season 13: JAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!! 

1. “Advanced Thanatology” 13x05. *inhales deeply* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Also, Steppenwolf. 

2. “Beat the Devil” 13x21. DICK JOKES GALORE. Also, we must protect Sam at all costs. Gabena is perfect. Samwitch is also perfect. Sabriel is also good. Lucifer can go fuck himself. 

3. “Breakdown” 13x11. It physically pains me not to put “Funeralia” here but alas, I must not show Steve Yockey too much favoritism. Anyways. DONNA!!! DOUG!! CREEPY!!! SAM’S HEART IS WORTH SO MUCH MONEY!! GIVE SAMMY A HUG!!

Honorable Mentions: “The Scorpion And The Frog” “Funeralia” “The Thing” “The Bad Place” “The Big Empty” “Lost And Found” 

Season 14: 

 1. “Moriah” 14x20. Proof that Supernatural will go down in history as ALMIGHTY. GOD IS THE ULTIMATE VILLAIN.

2. “Peace of Mind” 14x15. I still haven’t recovered. Jared must have had literally all the fun in the world. 

3. “Mint Condition” 14x04. Yay!! Very fun!!! (I wanted to put Optimism here, but again, I can’t show Yockey so much favoritism. It’s not my fault! he’s too good!!) 

Honorable Mentions: “Optimism” “Ouroboros” “Unhuman Nature” “Byzantium” “Damaged Goods”