#i can tell y'all about the other ones
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
i just saw journey in concert and it was ABSOLUTELY FUCKING meh
the music was good (i mean come on, it's journey), but the mixing was like a heavy metal concert. i could feel the bass reverberating in my fucking ribcage. that should not be happening at a concert for DAD ROCK.
also the audience was legitimately just drunk white generation x. i was probably one of the youngest people there and unlike with the multiple heavy metal concerts i've been to i was VERY uncomfortable in that situation
#i can tell y'all about the other ones#they were awesome#this was less than awesome#no offense to journey#their mixing really did them dirty#journey#also we skipped out on def leppard because none of us really like them that much#concert#dad rock
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
double ?? upload ???? yeaaaahh i've gotten FASTERRrr for whatever that's worth so complementary blyla because guess what i miss them too (nobody was surprised by that)
#star wars#clone wars#star wars the clone wars#blyla#artists on tumblr#listen i just have a thing for jedi + clones it seems and we cannot forget dartain the ogs (i will draw that tonight + tomorrow not now)#tcw made aayla so cool bro i love her#can you tell i've been on a mellon_soup kick !! i love her references so much bro#one day i will draw foxiyo. that day may be tomorrow i don't know#prequel-era ships are elite sorry everything else is Lame except for han/leia rebelcaptain and kanera (reylo's fine ig)#tcw is also the only thing that salvages anidala for me however! this is not an anidala post i am getting so off-topic whoa#i am unmedicated.#anyway yayyyy double upload#by the way in my head the accelerated aging thing just straight-up doesn't exist#cuz it's one of the dumbest things star wars has ever done i think it just doesn't make sense#anyway ^^)b#listen i'm not ALWAYS gonna go the cheap route and do the gradient thing instead of color i just don't wannaaaa. too much work#“jedi can't have attachments!!!!” and you can't have fun apparently#besides attachment and .-+ love +-. are different things and the jedi USED to know that before they contracted stupid disease#aayla secura#commander bly#would've drawn bly's armor cause it's cool but friiiick dude i already did it for rex and I AIN'T DOIN' IT AGAIN#(will do it again for darman because i'm a masochist)#hey. he's a commando it's different#at least i finally get to throw my etain headcanons into the ring#why am i talking about other ships on a blyla post. whatever#i'll color something eventually. sketching is just significantly easier and more fun#actually scratch that heck y'all i'll do what i wanna do#(affectionate dw)#my art
607 notes
·
View notes
Text

























blessed be (lorscher bienensegen) | telling the bees (wiþ ymbe)
"Bees" [remixed, abridged], Claudia Emerson // "Letter to Someone Living Fifty Years from Now" [remixed. abridged], Matthew Olzmann // "Letter to my Great, Great Grandchild" [remixed, abridged], J.P. Grasser | Len Redkole, Nina Weiss, Brian Babineau, Christian Peterson, Mitchell Leff, Dave Isaac, Megan DeRuchie
#liv in the replies#if i were insane there would be an appendix to this called telling the bees however i finished this at 3am yesterday its nearly midnight &#my cutoff is when my ahl asg stream cuts. GOD by now i should know when i save a poem like hmm. not applicable but god it'd be perfect#THAT'S A CURSE. DON'T PUT IT IN THE DOCUMENT. DON'T SAVE IT. FORGET YOU READ IT. IT'S A CURSE!! <- things i should've told myself when i#went to read bees was already like 👀 &then the first line was FUCKING CLAUDE!!!!! anyway. sorry also this is like. insanely long but ALSO#regarding mf claude. the first picture is a leftover from the claude edit i made years ago so that feels GREAT and BEAUTIFUL & also for me#as ever y'all will be getting a full breakdown. starting with what i regularly have a breakdown about every time i see it which is joelle's#james 1:12 tattoo which if u use the king james version (gay) is blessed is he who perseveres under trial because having stood the test he#will receive the crown of life the lord has promised to those who love him. which i always go blessed is he who perseveres // for those who#love him. and that's joel. ignoring him getting it then getting sent down on his birthday IGNORING IT. also we know the frosty/maple leafs#hahaha fuck the flyers lore right? good. that's morgan and his dad also bc i love a baby picture & it was perfect. also the dave isaac pic#next was in an article talking about morgan 'stung' by draft camp. shut UP. i have an alt for tells him with claude and ALSO hate the#elephant w/phil bc myesie u fuckin leaf-eater (giraffe) but i love the composition of that jake shot & had to use it (it was also almost#tells him) with thylacine jakey frog nolan also raff the extinct whale bc i needed him here. if my editing on incapable of joy is bad no on#tell me i did some SHENANIGANS to put morgan in there & color-pick/alter his jersey. new skill. i think euphoria is one of my favorite for#the sake of pride night but ALSO that polaroid kills me very time &they're so stoners contemplate the universe but ALSO i love transcendenc#so that whole three photo string i think is my favorite. and i was in looking at these like listen okay it's okay there are only so many#photos in the world. you can repeat from others you've seen before. except ALSO there's so many of these freaks together do you separate#and every time i was like there can't be more there was more. don't ask the number of back-ups for the sweetest blossom/pinch/ruffle sets#okay also the ready to be stung one was a surprise favorite fit for me because i love that line but wasn't sure how to convey it? so it's o#i think with how morgan's face is and the almost of it all. yes joel hardest trier is in there purely for me i do have an alt but. how coul#u doubt him. insert sasha's tweet abt how much joel loves philly but all his quotes have been abt being excited for morgan to have a fresh#start. AND NOT EVEN TWO MINUTES IN CALGARY AND YOU'RE STILL INSEPARABLE god i literally googled frost farabee calgary to find the last#blessed [because. heard but not seen you know of everyone traded but you went together. not seen. (which ties into the terrible appendix)]#and IT DIDN'T EVEN TAKE ME TWO MINUTES TO FIND THAT!!! WHAT DO YOU MEANNN anyway. sorry again it's so long & also i will be vanishing a wee#& a half after posting [redacted] is kicking my ass & im doing [redacted fun things WAIT ACTUALLY U CAN KNOW ONE i'm seeing hippo campus]#morgan frost#joel farabee#philadelphia flyers#calgary flames
76 notes
·
View notes
Text
character: is aroace, romance and/or sex repulsed, and is happy non-partnering & prefers that
"it's fine to ship this aroace character if it's—" NO!!!!!! NO IT'S FUCKING NOT!!!! There are literally BILLIONS of other characters you can ship why do you have to chose this one. it doesn't matter if you're shipping them non-romantically but still partnering them IT'S STILL ERASURE
#lex waffles#aroace erasure#aphobia#YOU DO NOT GET A PASS IF YOU'RE ASPEC YOURSELF STOP DOING THIS#YOU ARE TELLING NON-PARTNERING ASPECS THAT THEY NEED TO PARTNER TO BE SEEN AS 'MORE NORMAL' STOP IT#JUST BECAUSE Y'ALL CAN'T DO THE COMMON DECENCY OF NOT SHIPPING ONE FUCKING CHARACTER#YES THIS IS ABOUT YELENA YES THIS ABOUT JUGHEAD YES THIS IS ABOUT RAPHAEL#YES THIS IS ABOUT ANY FUCKING OTHER NON-PARNTERING ROMANCE REPULSED CHARACTER YOU CAN THINK OF#I'M SO FUCKING TIRED OF EVEN OUR OWN COMMUNITY DOING THIS SHIT#GOD I THOUGHT WE LEFT THIS SHIT BACK IN 2016
9 notes
·
View notes
Text

Day 93!! Happy Pride!!
#papr daily#mafukasa#some hcs that are very important to me :3 (agender Mafuyu and aroace Tsukasa btw)#Like Tsukasa!!!! I do like the bit of “if not aroace why aroace colored?” for hcing him as such (his 2024 bday card is literally the#aroace flag and just generally you can colorpick the flag from him in most images) but it does go a lot deeper#I highly resonate with him finding romance boring/being uninterested in it (as seen with him removing romance in every story they adapt)#since that's how I grew up being!! And even now I do find myself more interested in a story if romance is entirely out of the equation!!#growing up not liking romance and especially just never having a crush is a rather alienating experience if I'm being so fr#“who do you like :)” asked by everyone really but if you say “no one” you're lying???? fucked up#I strongly believe Tsukasa is so aroace-coded (whether intentionally so or not) even in his actual management of romance!!!!#He still keeps the romantic aspect of Romeo and Juliet in the first ever cultural festival event BUT it is not as important as the action#which is something at least I can relate to as an aroace creator? Where even the pairs I make intending for their to be a romance/romantic#undertones it's STILL not the most important aspect of their relationship by FARRRRR (cough Goldenlily cough iykyk (only Grey knows))#and in the Wondershow Valentine's Day special live where he tries to brag about getting chocolates from girls#it feels (imo) really forced? Considering other dialogue I'll get to later? but it seems like something that I personally haven't done but#I know is somewhat of a common experience in the aro/ace communities of trying to overcompensate/force yourself to feel a certain way#to match your peers? E.g. pretending you have a crush on a specific person when you don't#it kinda feels like that to me + a little bit of wanting to seem more popular with his peers than he is but that's unrelated#and then the most relatable moment ever in Pandemonium when Tsukasa doesn't understand why one of his classmates being popular#with girls is a big deal (which directly contradicts the mindset he has in the aforementioned live) and like!!!!!#“So what? He's just interacting normally with his classmates” ME EVERY TIME I FAIL TO RECOGNIZE ROMANCE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME#If you asked me to tell you who is likely to be in/to become part of a romantic relationship I would fail no matter how close I am to the#person like unless it is said TO MY FACE I will NEVER see it coming (speaking from many many experiences)#anywsys Tsukasa aroace realness this is my propaganda (/silly y'all can have whatever hcs you want as long as it isn't illegal/harmful and#as long as y'all are respectful to other hcs and don't speak over people trying to share theirs)#but yeah!!!!! Agender Mafuyu is 100% a more simple story LMAO#back when I had Insta I had the very poor decision-making to follow a prsk opinion account (tho it honestly wasn't ALL bad)#BUT!!!!!!!!! There Was A Post#where someone said that they hced Mafuyu as agender and like.#They defined agender as (very much paraphrasing here btw) someone who essentially would rather be seen just as an individual
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
(sprawling canon and media + the typical fucko urge to be correct online) * never introspecting ever = toxic, salty fandom that only specialized bacteria and flamingos can tolerate
#redglyphs#opinionated verm#yeah i'm talking about comics lol#the need to be correct and right affects both the comic fans and comic ''fans''#it's hard to read bc it's made to feel like a chore/obligation and you also need to read the ''right'' comics#no one can agree with that#but at the same time. people should fucking read before they talk. that's why i don't fucking talk unless i'm asked.#these ''fans'' get all defensive bc they don't wanna be wrong#so you just have both sides eating each other's faces off or lobbing grenades back and forth#i feel like this is the heat death end state of all fandom#i am not immune to wanting to be right. hence paralysis on writing lol#this is me not being resilient enough to tolerate passive poison damage from standing in the mire. so i'm trying to get my whimsy back#at the same time i do do some research and i never lie about my lack of knowledge. + am starting to read more comics#ig i'm doing something okay bc all i wanna do is set out to tell a story#''fandom'' should be you and your friends and y'all having fun together. the online soapboxing is a mistake
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
studying Philosophy is really like
you think this is going to help you understand the world and your place in it better,
but actually all it does is confuse and befuddle you farther than ever before
and also you make friends with the most annoying (read: great, smart, lovely, kind, but argumentative as ALL GET OUT) people in the world and then you realize you've BECOME one of those people and you kind of want to just curl up in a nice quiet little hole in the ground with all your books and read and think until a complete and total understanding of the world falls out of your noggin and everything makes sense; but actually you just want to take a walk in the woods with a friend and not think about anything for at least a year.
#I have a paper due on the philosophy of math#at 8 AM TOMORROW#and my brain is NOT WORKING#and I really want to go cry for a while#but that's not really going to fix anything at all is it#on a related note if y'all want to pray for me... my emotions have returned and they really just want to process everything that's#happened for approximately my entire life at one time. and it's kind of hard to do all the things I think I should be doing right now#when that's going on#also thinking too much about trying to love people well and what that means and how bad at it I've been and it's hard not to get stuck ther#when there's basically nothing I can change anyway#(need to have an awkward convo with someone soon... for my sake probably more than theirs#I fear I haven't loved them well and it matters to me to know that our friendship hasn't been compromised#but unfortunately it's also strike one) a boy and strike two) a boy I like#and unfortunately he figured it out and I have a pretty good indication that he doesn't like me back. and I can't tell if he's interested i#a mutual friend#and I am AwkwardTM and trying not to let it bother me. but Fake It Till You Make It#(my philosophy since getting to college)#isn't really going that well for me in this case.#and I think an honest conversation would be the best thing for everyone... except I'm kinda terrified of that lol :') and I want to serve#him well not just serve my own emotions and need for validation)#prayers would be appreciated#that I will love others as they are meant to be loved and not just as I want to love them#or as my selfish emotions and desires think I want to love them#and that I'll be able to know when something needs to be said and when nothing at all is the best option for everyone#God sees and knows. and He loves me. and that is so /so/ hard to believe sometimes but I try to hold onto it with everything I have lately.#gurt says stuff#college stuff#philosophy#one day I'll look back and laugh at undergraduate me#personal tags
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm back on my bullshit thinking about the Hawke siblings again and how much I love a "both twins live" AU... but y'know what I love just a little bit more? An AU where all three Hawke siblings are alive, but one of the twins still get attacked by the ogre in Lothering and is presumed dead when they actually survived.
I like to think that since the narrative in DA2 is framed as a story Varric's telling Cassandra, we can play around with the fact that he's an unreliable narrator. Varric wasn't there in Lothering. He only knows what Hawke told him. It makes for a better story if Leandra, Hawke, and the surviving twin get to huddle around the dead twin and say their goodbyes... especially if they didn't actually get to do that. I mean, a lot of us already have that train of thought when it comes to Leandra's death and Hawke getting some closure through her final words telling them how proud she is. Whose to say Varric didn't do that for the lost twin, as well?
All that to ask what if the ogre attack happened, but the group was so overwhelmed by darkspawn they had to flee further and couldn't check the twin who "died?" Flemeth still showed up, but it was too late to go back and say goodbye.... so Hawke made a deal with the Witch of the Wilds and they all pushed forward to Kirkwall.
Imagine Bethany, left behind with broken bones and bleeding in the sand, fading in and out of consciousness as the remaining darkspawn surround her. She knows how to heal, how to fight back, but she's weakened. Her staff lays out of reach. Air shakes in her lungs. She tries to call for help, but only wheezes come out. Where's her mother? Her siblings? Did the ogre get them, too?
At this point, we all know what happens to the women darkspawn take, and Bethany could've met that fate; she doesn't have the strength to fight back as they drag her away. But before they can bring her underground, she's saved by another group of survivors. Perhaps they're more soldiers fleeing Ostagar, or townsfolk who recognize her from Lothering. They do what they can to treat her wounds but she needs a healer, so they bring her with them to seek refuge in Redcliffe... except they eventually realize she's an apostate. Well, she doesn't seem dangerous, but they still contact the templars.
Bethany wakes in a warm but unfamiliar bed with skilled healers tending to her. Templars hover by the doorway. First Enchanter Irving greets her, gentle in explaining she's safe inside of Kinloch Hold and that she's going to survive. When Bethany asks about her family, he gives her a sympathetic smile and says they only found her.
Bethany, who never took to embracing her magic the way her older sibling did and always felt like it burdened her family... has lost that very family. Could they survive the ogre and darkspawn? Or did the ogre tear them apart, too? How did she survive... but not them? Did the Maker really have such a sense of humor? How else would she end up in the Circle, a place her family went to great lengths to keep her safe from?
She doesn't want to think about it. She hopes they made it to Kirkwall, but the prickle of dread that crawls up her spine knows how unlikely it is. Bethany finds comfort in speaking with the mages who rotate in to heal and bring her food. Some feel trapped by their magic just as she does, but others remind her of her older sibling in the way they embrace their magic, a gift from the Maker. The younger apprentices who aid the mages ask her questions about what lies beyond the walls. The templars mostly keep their distance, but one is friendlier than others. A man with curly blonde hair and a sympathetic view of the mages bothers to speak to her more than his fellows do.
She's still in recovery when Uldred and his blood mages attack the tower, but she survives. Bethany heals, even as she's haunted by nightmares of the ogre wrapping its tainted hand around her body to crush her, flinging her aside to lay among the limp bodies of her family... haunted by the horrors the blood mages unleashed on the tower. She aids in restoring the tower the best she can, and accepts her new home, her new life. When she's well enough, she lights a candle for each of them; her father, mother, her eldest sibling, her twin... she even lights a candle for the family mabari, and prays to the Maker to give them her love as they stand at His side.
The Blight ends. Years pass. Bethany settles into her new life, becoming a fine example for the younger apprentices she mentors. She witnesses wrong doings against her fellow mages, loses friends to their harrowings or tranquility. She accepts what she is, even if bitterly. The Chantry's teachings about magic scar more than enlighten; she sees it in some of her fellow mages, feels it in herself. Secret meetings. Whispers of escape, of freedom. More escape attempts. Harsher restrictions.
Around this time, back in Kirkwall, Knight-Captain Cullen stands where he always does in the Gallows courtyard. He notices Hawke appear with some of their companions. It hurts to think back to Kinloch Hold, but something occurs to him: he knew of another Hawke who was brought to the Circle while he served there. They only spoke once before... well, before. He wonders if there's any relation. When Hawke wanders over to speak to him, as they always do, Cullen brings it up.
Hawke pales. A beat of silence. Cullen recognizes heartbreak; he sees it unfold in their eyes and swell in their throat as they realize that all this time, their baby sister was alive.
Then the day comes where new whispers float among the mages in the Circle. A visit by a Grey Warden. Most, including Bethany, assume he's here to recruit... until Irving comes to her. He says this warden's requested, though more like insisted, he see her now. But then Irving smiles; the warden in question said his name is Warden Carver. He received an urgent letter that his sister is here, alive, and he demands to know if that's true.
Bethany nearly collapses when she sees him.
While the reunion can't last; she can't leave the Circle and he has his calling; the twins embrace, sobbing out apologies and exclamations that they thought the other was gone. Carver tells her of Kirkwall, the expedition that led him to the Grey Wardens, and their older sibling's status as Champion. With a gentleness she never knew her brother to have, he tells her what happened to their mother, and more tears flow freely. Their sibling learned about her from a templar, though Carver grumbles that the bastard could've said something sooner.
There's the Maker's humor again.
...Now flip the script: imagine Carver being left behind instead.
For as strong and passionate as he is, that ogre still picks him up and slams him to the ground. Bones crack. Black splotches flood his vision, agony exploding across his skin. His sword flies from his hand. The soulless bastard tosses Carver aside like he's nothing, and he's left to lay there. His mother's cries muffle in his ear as though he's stuck underwater, sinking slowly into the dark.
It figured, honestly... that he'd survive Ostagar while his fellow soldiers were cut down all around him, that he and his eldest sibling would flee the field when all hope was lost... that he'd make it home to get his family out of Lothering... only to die protecting his mother. And why not? He is a protector. A warrior. It's a honor to die saving those he loved... so why didn't it give him peace?
Carver eventually wakes in the night among the bodies of fallen darkspawn. Everything aches painfully hot and his thoughts reject coherency. He knows his family is gone; they're dead, or they've fled... either way, he's alone; left behind. Something's broken inside of him, but he has just enough will to pull himself up at the sound of approaching footsteps. A group of survivors find him- funny enough, the same group who aided Bethany in an alternate timeline. Imagine that.
That's how Carver ended up in Redcliffe's Chantry with an overworked healer tending to him. He doesn't even flinch when the mage works their magic on him, knowing all too well the sensation of healing magic seeping into his skin, mending the flesh. He tries not to think of Bethany, or what might've happened to her.
The Chantry's overwhelmed with townspeople hiding from a danger outside that he can only assume is darkspawn... except it's not. He wonders how hard he hit his head when he hears the undead have come from the castle to slaughter what they can of the town every night. But then he sees it with his own eyes when one breaks in, taken down by a templar, and never before has he ever felt so useless.
Then the last two remaining Grey Wardens arrive. They're crucial in the final fight against the undead, swearing to enter the castle to stop the attacks at the source. While Carver couldn't participate in the final fight, something he complained loudly about, he did what he could in his condition to help like sharpening swords and handing out supplies. Mostly to keep his sanity and quite his thoughts throughout his recovery.
When the time came, he took up his sword again in the name of all those he lost.
An archdemon was said to be on the horizon, and the Grey Wardens needed everyone they could get to fight. Carver fights in the battle of Denerim where the Hero of Fereldan defeated the archdemon. He cuts his way through every darkspawn he sees. Ostagar flashes red behind his eyes. Lothering clutches at his heart. So much anger and sorrow built up inside him, flooding out in his tears and screams. Blood everywhere. Fire and smoke.
Then it's over.
In the aftermath of the Blight, like so many others, Carver has no home to return to. No family. He thinks to go back to Lothering to help rebuild, only to hear the lands were too tainted. These tainted creatures took everything from him... That's what eventually brings him to Vigil's Keep, standing before the Hero of Fereldan themself, asking to be made a Grey Warden. He already dedicated nearly two years of his life to killing darkspawn, and he had nothing else. Even when faced with the Joining, holding the chalice of darkspawn blood and being told to drink, he didn't flinch.
Life as a Grey Warden isn't as simple as he assumed it would be, but Carver finds purpose in his calling. Over the years, he grows to view his fellow wardens as family. He travels all over Thedas, venturing down into the Deep Roads to help clear out hoards of the darkspawn. But then comes the day he finds himself in Kirkwall, and it doesn't take long before he hears the name Hawke on the lips of the townspeople. His eldest sibling was not only alive, but they're quite popular among the people. But what about Mother? Bethany? He doesn't have to snoop too far to learn templars took Bethany away to the Gallows, and that Leandra Hawke was the final victim in a string of murders committed by a blood mage.
Carver finds himself standing outside the estate, glaring at the door. Furious. Heartbroken. Bitter. He wants to scream. This entire time, they lived. He's torn between wanting to reunite with his older sibling again, to get the truth from them, and wanting to barge into the estate, demanding answers to how they could let the Circle take Bethany... after what Carver sacrificed, how could they let Mother die like that? Was it all pointless in the end?
He leaves without knocking. He can't bring himself to see them. Not that it mattered. Before he could leave Kirkwall, the tensions with the qunari finally overflowed, and chaos fell upon the city. He's forced face to face with his older sibling again, but he wasn't prepared to watch the recognition slowly bloom on their face, or for all his anger to turn to mush. Carver's the first to speak.
"Somehow, I knew it would be you."
.............So, yeah. I really like this idea.
#da2#dragon age 2#bethany hawke#carver hawke#long post#there are so many routes you can take with this too like hawke finds out bethany's alive in fereldan's circle#and they gather all their companions like 'y'all we're doing a heist' 'great what are we stealing?' 'my sister'#'...isn't your sister dead?' 'APPARENTLY NOT'#or carver and anders could know each other from the wardens and one day anders tells hawke that they remind him of another warden he knew#and hawke is like '.............that little shit survived and he didn't tell me?? i'm telling mother'#OR both bethany and carver end up as wardens and happen to run into each other like '????? I thought you were dead?????'#and tbh bethany doesn't have to end up in the circle or carver with the wardens. that's just the paths i explored#maybe they're found by the warden and alistair who have wynne fix them up and they join the dao party#hell this could be backstory for an inquisitor carver or inquisitor bethany in dai#also yes this post is my way of saying that i love this idea but i'll probably never turn it into a fic so let me gush about it this way
137 notes
·
View notes
Text
I fucking love my Minecraft blorbo i love her and i love her girlfriend they're so silly and gay and in love and sad and suffering and i hope many bad things happen to them i hope they suffer endlessly until that fateful day when it all seems to stop and they finally find peace but not before a huge scare where one of them nearly dies and the other is forced to watch as their lover suffers unable to do anything more than they have simply watching as their sweet darling birdie cries each night and winces every time they have to replace the bandages of their wound but even with all of this its more peace than they've had in far too long
#if you couldn't tell i like them#they're both birds by the way ones a puffin the others a blue jay#minecraft lore#minecraft smp#oc lore#oc#oc rambling#if y'all wanna know details about my lady i am happy to talk about her !!! and i can ask my friend (who plays her girlfriend) if they wanna#screech about their little bord too:D!!!#Ferals chatter🪿
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
hello, hello, you all — so... i hope you all are having a great thursday thus far, and i thought i'd bring this up now since i hadn't before; but with ana's zombification comes some noticeable differences to his behavior as well as appearance. because, and don't get me wrong, he was already pale before... but now anastasiy's skin now has this pallor that takes on a sickly look. and it has become necessary for ana to have to apply some concealer to his skin daily to hide the fact that his lips are, indeed, sort of tinged blue + some veins (particularly around his eyes and mouth) can clearly be seen and it definitely isn't the most uhh. natural look, to say the least JSJSJ
now, i'll probably cover more about his behavioral differences later, but one thing is that this man does have these SICK and TWISTED urges to consume human flesh as a zombie would in typical fiction would... so that's lovely / j LMAO nahhh, i'm totally being sarcastic with y'all right now as that is actually horrifying. but anastasiy does try his darndest to resist giving into this temptation because cannibalism is a BIG no-no in society for a reason (because its absolutely terrible and extremely gross) + with... slightly mixed results 😬
#NO ONE EVER TELLS YOU THAT BRAVERY FEELS LIKE FEAR: musings.#SEE HOW OUR WANTS HORRIFY US: headcanons.#TO SUFFER. IT MEANS GOD IS NEAR. GRACE — LIKE A SCALPEL WITHOUT ANESTHESIA: character study.#ooc post.#yeah so... i'll have you know that i was THIS close to calling ana 'mister man' but then i was like JSJSJ nah i've got to be a littleee more#serious here even though i am pretty much the queen of being sillay by now BC idk how i would make that work while talking about-#CANNIBALISM so... yeah ☠️ but anyways how are we feeling about ana's character so far y'all? but OFC there's no pressure for anyone-#to answer that i'm just genuinely curious NGL haha. because i think that anastasiy is pretty different from peeps like barton-#and blamore in the way that he is still morally bankrupt for killing people as it's NEVER alright and/or justified to do that#in ana's mind however he was torn between two impossible choices and he didn't know that manja's deal would be as bad as it turned out-#to be. but he still has to take responsibility for the fact that he made it and that his moral compass is definitely entirely skewed now#because saving person in exchange for dooming a bunch of others is... 😬 yeahhh i think we all can agree that it's a selfish choice#at the very least#tw: body horror.#tw: cannibalism.#tw: mentions of murder.
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
which subtle way of saying 'i love you' are you?
doing things for them without being asked to.
you're observant and you know your loved ones so well, you know when to do things for them without having to ask (or be asked) what they need. they don't always know how much you do for them; there's no need pointing it out, you're just happy to help.
you do things simply to make others feel better and lighten their burdens, and expect nothing in return: their happiness is enough for you, even if they don't always know you're the one who caused it. still, as good as it might feel to give and give and keep on giving, please allow them to do things for you in return.
people feel better when they're being helpful (you should know this, more than anyone) and no matter how hard it might feel for you to accept help from someone, you should take it when they readily give it to you. you deserve to be loved in the way you love them, too. you won't be a burden -- and remember: a real friend will love you even when you're not constantly being useful, because your company is more than enough.
stolen from: @raisedcold (thank you for introducing me to this <33)
tagging: @question-marked, @twcfaces, @adamanteine, @markhit, and anyone else who might like to complete this quiz!
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ooc post.#rp memes.#oh... oh so i see uquiz is still breaking hearts to this day huh JSJSJ 😭 nooo but the parts where it said 'no matter how hard it might feel#to accept help from someone you should take it' & 'their happiness is enough for you even if they don't always know you're the one who#caused it' are just. They're SO true in relation to barton because let me tell y'all i'm not trying to claim that he is a good person and#will never do so because that would just be a lie but i feel as if there are times where barton actually does show some humanity + does#things for people that he doesn't have to especially for people like his family or those he cares about in general buttt...#he doesn't like to accept help from other's so it's like GAHHH just stop doing this to yourself man and let other people care about you#in return even though this man feels this need for punishment sometimes in regards to the bad thing's he's done which. yeah there is a#lengthy list of but he loved marceline & he triesss to love his kids but god damn is this guy REALLY not good at it sometimes#either unintentionally or intentionally but yeah. he does try whenever he can so although that doesn't excuse his behavior...#that does say something about him
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
being in the DS9 fandom, you'll discover there are so many ways for people to be wrong about julian bashir
#wow i don't like a lot of you#baffled at how a predominantly autistic fanbase can be so contemptful of autistic behaviour#buddies i think you're the ones who are cringe. see i cringe WITH julian not against him#and not even just that#theres the ''julian is stupid about everything that isn't medicine'' thing#fuck you that man is a starfleet officer and he's a genius. i saw him fix a console and i was genuinely surprised because of this shit#''julian is stupid'' ''julian is annoying'' ''julian is insufferable'' ''julian deserves to be bullied'' and so on and so forth#wow. i hate. all of you. and based on the way y'all talk? you guys would hate me too#oh and worst take of all. like on a moral level:#''julians parents were in the right for doing what they did. its natural for a parent to want to have a normal child''#and other such ableist takes. literally i have seen people like that#i saw somebody baffled by that ep being like ''what did julians parents do wrong. they helped him. what is julian upset about''#and holy shit. that is. so fucked up#besides all that. the way the fandom and the show is mean to julian pisses me off#Why Are His Friends So Mean To Him#i have this brain thing where i take criticism of julian bashir as a personal attack. its called autism#sometimes an autistic-coded character in star trek will say something the narrative has deemed as Wrong#and i can tell thats what im being told because i understand media language but im still baffled like ''Whats The Problem''#spock. data. seven. julian. and its like... actually guys its everybody else who is being weird and mean about this#i do find it a little sad knowing that if i existed on DS9 that o'brien and kira wouldn't like me. like damn. i like you guys#anyways i have a lot of the DS9 fandom blocked because they got me at risk of developing a wee chunk of self loathing. and i refuse#i wasnt raised to feel shame how dare you
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
Side note, if you have read only one of the books, just select the "has read" option. It's honestly not a big deal, though. I just included reading/not reading the books because I thought it would be interesting to see if that impacts anything at all.
Also also, for those of you who have Alistair marry Anora, but also have your Warden become his mistress, please just pick the mistress Warden choice. I only get to put 12 answers here, I am so sorry 😞
#this is just for fun and I wish I could just see the Dragon Age keep stats for all players' loaded world states#want to make some more dragon age world state related polls... which won't be as convoluted as this one lol#I know not a lot of people read the books so this probably won't be very telling but that's okay#also I hope this doesn't come off as me judging anyone who hasn't read the books because honestly I don't care either way#if you read them great! if not also great! I just want to see how y'all feel about Alistair's endings#I know it's not exactly fair to compare the mistress/queen cousland results with the rest of them#since only romancers would pick those but both non-romancers and romancers can pick the other endings#anyways pls vote so I can get a good amount of results to get a better feel of the community#even though I know this is not formal in any way lol#and yes I combined the drunk and executed choices#wasn't trying to be biased here but again only 12 answers and honestly can't imagine many let him be executed if Loghain lives#but that is also a biased assumption oops#honestly loving all of the dragon age polls right now#to be transparent I am 100% biased and I do believe that the books could sway peoples opinions... just not sure which way#dragon age poll#dragon age#alistair theirin#dragon age origins#dao
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
{ Just got back into the swing of writing again on another blog only to find out my grandma is in the hospital for heart issues. First it was my grandpa and now it's my grandma. I'm honestly starting to believe that things really can just keep getting worse instead of better cause nothing ever seems to get better over here. }
#tw; negative#tw; vent#{ Everything just wants to jump on top of me today. }#{ 'Don't worry! Things will get better!' Yeah I don't think so. }#{ It's been one thing after the other lately and honestly? It makes me not wanna do anything anymore. }#{ Catch me throwing myself off a cliff because what else can I do? }#{ Don't mind me trying to cover my irritation with humor. }#{ It's a habit. }#{ And any anons who wanna try to be rude about this or tell me to shut the fuck up- }#{ Y'all couldn't be further from my mind. Like... I don't care about your existence. }#{ You could catch on fire and I would not care because you're clearly a piece of shit anyway so burn. }#{ No skin off my back and I will literally tell you that. }#{ Trust me when I say that I can be ten times more cruel than you can. }#{ I just don't show it here on Tumblr. }#{ But yeah. Regardless... Imma turn your mouth off anyway so if you have something to say to mommy- You can say it to her face. }#✠ [ ' ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ʟᴇᴀᴅs ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ ᴄʟᴏsᴇᴅ ᴅᴏᴏʀs. ' ] - ✡ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏғ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ✡
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Imagine a world where my parents got a fucking grip lmfao
#when i tell you i have had enough#they are *torturing* my sister bc she is working on christmas eve#as if she isn't taking the next 5 days off *without pay* so she can go home to ga and visit with everybody#my dad acting like she killed one of his cats bc she asked if we (the kids) could spend christmas day with mom#which we have not done btw since they got divorced#and i'm over here like#you know most ppl your age are lucky if they see all their kids every OTHER christmas???#you know y'all have NEVER had to travel for a holiday despite the fact that we all live out of state?#we ALWAYS go to you#my sister is about to get MARRIED this fucking precious bullshit about christmas has got to fucking end#bc her fiance has divorced parents who i'm sure would like to see him too#so idk it might be time to get your heads out of your asses#god i hate christmas lmao
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi again. I'm on some level here to ask for a complete explanation of every aspect of Hawaiian culture that is even tangentially related to your latest fic because I know absolutely nothing and there is the ever present concern that the terms run through cursory Google Translate and internet searching will lose nuance and implications. There were definitely some references to divinities and myths and such that went over my unenlightened head. The story you wove was rich and intricate enough to be held in the mind of someone who knows less than nothing and still have great meaning and truth, but I know that it will mean yet more if I can see the threads you used to make it. (On another level, I'm asking for the explanation because I am abruptly deeply interested in a topic I had previously not thought about very much, and you seem to be significantly more of an expert than the average internet search.)
first off! well first off i am blowing you so many kisses for this very kind ask, thank you so much for giving me an excuse to ramble at (great, great, great) length.
so second off! i would just like to stress that i am very much not an expert in hawaiian language, folklore, history, culture, etc. i am neither kānaka maoli (native hawaiian) nor kamaʻāina (born in hawaiʻi although not necessarily of hawaiian ancestry), and i have not studied these topics formally/in a setting that applies academic rigor. i am an enthusiastic amateur with a personal connection to hawaiian culture, the kind of brain that likes to fixate on areas of interest, and a willingness to scrounge around for reading material. i have, i think, a decent sense of what some of the baseline texts in the field are, and a fairly good bullshit detector (and the understanding/ability to dig into things when i can't rely on the bullshit detector), but ultimately i am a layman and an outsider with corresponding perspectives and biases. i also, i will admit frankly, have a pretty sharp knowledge cutoff corresponding to the time of first european contact, just because of my own personal interests and reading preferences.
read that whole disclaimer? let your eyes glaze over while you skimmed it? good! here's my real quick (lmao) rundown of Sum Things U Should Know If You Wanna Close-Read Kīpuka:
ʻŌlelo Hawaiʻi 101
Good grief when I put it like that I do NOT feel qualified to tell you any of this. Anyway. We can keep it basic just so you can get a sense of the mouthfeel of the words. And just fyi ʻŌlelo Hawaiʻi is the proper name of the language; i'll be using "Hawaiian" as the adjective form, sans ʻokina, assuming an English-speaking readership.
ʻŌlelo Hawaiʻi as it is commonly rendered today has 13 letters: 5 vowels (A, E, I, O, and U) and 7 consonants (H, K, L, M, N, P, W), plus the ʻokina or glottal stop (that little apostrophe-lookin' dude at the beginning of the word ʻokina, also the source of most of my typesetting woes). Pronunciation-wise, there are no silent letters and no though/through/enough-type surprises: every letter is pronounced, and all of the vowel renderings are approximately equivalent to how you'd pronounce them in Spanish or Italian. Hence, the word kuahine = koo-ah-HEE-nay rather than, like, kyoo-ah-highn, which made me feel gross even just typing it out.
The ʻokina is pronounced, and bear with me here, like the dash in the english nuh-uh. or, if you're a try-hard vocalist—reattack the vowel after the ʻokina instead of eliding it to the vowel prior. So the place-name Kaʻū is pronounced ka-OO, as distinct from the word kau which is pronounced more like kow (which is a bit of an oversimplification of the latter word, but I'm trying to be efficient here).
That leads us neatly into the other diacritical marking used in ʻŌlelo Hawaiʻi, the kahakō or macron which helpfully appears in its own name. No worries here; the kahakō just serves as a stress marker, so you'd say kahakō = ka-ha-KO instead of ka-HA-ko, or from the example above ka-OO rather than KA-oo.
There are a couple of other little pronunciation tricks here and there. The letter W is sometimes pronounced as a V, and unfortunately I can't really describe the rules for that shift; that is one I must admit I know mostly from vibes. For example, the correct pronunciation of Hawaiʻi itself is ha-VAI-ee, but I've never heard the place-name Waimea pronounced as anything but why-MEY-ah.
Occasionally you will encounter the letter K pronounced as a T, which I believe is an artifact of the morphological shift from older related languages such as Tahitian and Samoan which do preserve the letter T as a unique phoneme. To my knowledge, the Kauaʻi dialect (spoken today on Niʻihau) also preserves the T, but most spoken ʻŌlelo Hawaiʻi heard elsewhere is based on the Big Island dialect, which lacks the T. One notable exception is the word tūtū (an affectionate/respectful term for a grandparent or elder), which you really don't hear pronounced as kūkū.
Really, though, listening to Hawaiian music is how I got the language in my ear and imo it's the best way to get it in yours. Can't go wrong with Israel Kamakawiwoʻole (of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" fame), but I have a personal soft spot for Kealiʻi Reichel, Weldon Kekauoha, Amy Hanaialiʻi, and the Cazimero Brothers.
The Place-y-ness of Hawaiian Literature
This is more of a sidenote than its own heading, but I'm the one driving the essay, and I think it's an interesting thing to point out, just because it helps establish a particular perspective I wanted to keep in mind while writing this fic.
Something you might notice as you start to look at Hawaiian oli, mele, and myth is the high level of specificity of place. Hawaiʻi is, let's be honest, not that enormous of a place when you consider it on a global scale—but the specificity of localities within Hawaiian literature is kind of astounding. Not only are there loads of place-names referenced in any given work, there are unique Hawaiian names for landmarks, cliffs, peaks, hills, streams, waterfalls—even rains and winds of specific locations merit their own names.
"kīpuka" is very specifically set on the windward side of Hawaiʻi island, so I made an effort to focus my references to place-names on that region—Hilo, ʻŌlaʻa, and Waiākea are all locations on the eastern side of the island, and the one reference to Kona on the leeward side reflects the coming of someone bearing grievances (in addition to eia aʻe ka makani Kona being an existing idiom warning the listener to watch out for an angry person, the windward and leeward sides of Hawaiʻi island have a long history of territorial warfare and jockeying for control of the island). I'd also considered having the bird discussed in the fic be a different species, the kākāwahie—but that species is/was endemic to Molokaʻi, and quite honestly my knowledge of the history and culture of Molokaʻi as a separate polity is not that great.
(This is partly due to sample bias—my introduction to Hawaiʻi was within a Big Island-based context. At the same time, another thing you may notice about the better-known source texts is that many of them center around Hawaiʻi island and, to a lesser extent, Maui, thanks to the political supremacy during the unification/post-contact era of Hawaiʻi island and Maui aliʻi. Ross Cordy wrote a whole ass book about the Oʻahu chiefdoms that is simply not to be had for love or money no matter how I search for it. I am THIS CLOSE to straight up cold emailing the man and being like I WILL VENMO YOU $75 USD DIRECTLY IF YOU WILL SIMPLY JUST SEND ME A COPY OF YOUR BOOK. PLEASE. SAVE ME ROSS CORDY.)
Girl (Gender Neutral), I Cannot Explain Hawaiian Mythology, Poetics, and Mythopoetics As a Subheading in One Post
Honestly. I can't do it. But some tidbits to assist your further research:
A great deal of Hawaiian literature and oral tradition hinges on kaona, roughly "allusion" or "metaphor." In a description that is useful to precisely no one but myself, it's not unlike the complex plays on words, puns, and deep well of references used in Heian Japanese epistolary poetry. Some of it is easy to grok for newbies: for example, the concept of one's lover as a lei adorning the body, or being splashed or sprinkled with water as a euphemism for sex. Some of it goes a lot deeper, relying on historical or folkloric place-name associations, puns, and ancient practices and superstitions.
The Hawaiian "pantheon" I place in scare quotes because ancient Hawaiian religious practices and superstition were highly syncretic, often extremely localized, and more contradictory the more you read into it. In a very, very, very, VERY rough and off-the-cuff sense, though, there were thought to be four major gods: Kāne (associated with dawn, the sun, the sky, running freshwater, and irrigation-based agriculture, among other things), Kanaloa (associated with the ocean, sea creatures, and sometimes death, as an opposing or complimentary force to Kāne), Lono (god of fertility, agriculture with something of an emphasis on dryland agriculture, rainfall, and peace as embodied in the Makahiki festival), and Kū (god of war, the deified kingship, fishermen, sorcery, and quite honestly a ton of other things in various manifestations).
There were also quite a large number of "lesser" gods, the word "lesser" used just in the sense that they weren't honored to the same extent as the four previously named in state-sanctioned religious practice. Probably the most well-known of these is Pele, the volcano goddess. (I reference another in the fic, Niolopua, god of sleep—but the jury's out on whether or not that refers to an actual god or is just metaphorical in the same way that most people think of "the Sandman" as a euphemism for sleep and not a literal guy who comes into your house and puts crusties in your eyes.)
The gods were thought to manifest in a variety of forms, called kino lau (literally "four hundred bodies"). You can think of this in the sense of "Lono takes on the shape of an albatross or a tropicbird to interact with mortals, while Kanaloa prefers to manifest as an octopus," and in stories kino lau are sometimes represented that way, but in practice it's less of a Greek myth-style practice of shapeshifting and more of an animistic religious belief. The kino lau in nature embody the god and in a metaphorical sense illustrate the interconnection between divine and earthly and the presence of the divine on earth.
(HUGE OVERSIMPLIFICATION. HUGE OVERSIMPLIFICATION. PLEASE DO MORE RESEARCH AND DO NOT TAKE ONE TUMBLR POST AT ITS WORD ON THIS.)
The Endless, in the fic, are very easy to loop into the concept of kino lau, because of their canonical universality. Danny appears as a shark (a symbol of chiefhood), a pueo, or Hawaiian owl (an 'aumakua, or ancestral guardian), a manu-o-Kū, or fairy tern (a bird associated with the god Kū, likely in his aspect as a god of fishermen, navigators, and wayfinders), a kalo plant (a staple crop of ancient Hawaiʻi, a kino lau of Kāne, and a symbol of duality and rebirth), and a snowcapped mountain (a sacred site considered kapu, or forbidden, to all but the highest chiefly individuals). Despair, meanwhile, appears as an ʻalae ʻula, or Hawaiian moorhen (another ʻaumakua, but also an animal whose cry was thought to foretell misfortune), a stingray (for her barbed tail), a hāpuʻu fern (in contrast to Dream's kalo, the hāpuʻu was considered a famine food), a lava flow and its first growths (acknowledging Pele as both a destroyer and a creator of land, just as Despair also embodies hope), and a number of other things meant to embody the devastation of Hawaiʻi (rats, feral pigs, and mosquitoes have decimated endemic birds and insects; the kiawe is an invasive plant species that forms dense, thorny, and difficult-to-destroy groves; light pollution affects behavior and migratory patterns of both avian and aquatic species).
All pretty simple, obviously!
Further Resources and Recs
Okay, so, obviously I'm not going to be able to explain every single reference in this fic in a single post, though I obviously tried my damnedest. In lieu of that, I'll offer some useful resources for further reading:
Stephen Trussel's Combined Hawaiian Dictionary is a fantastic resource for vocab that incorporates several major Hawaiian dictionaries in a straightforward (well, as straightforward as this gets) text-based web page. Ulukau also has a searchable interface, which is a little easier to interact with, but I like having the Trussel for reference.
Huapala is everyone's go-to for translations of Hawaiian lyrics. I've linked to it in the endnotes of the fic for readers interested in more on "Ka Ipo Lei Manu," but it's got nearly any ʻauana-style Hawaiian song you please, and if I recall correctly even a few traditional oli. Again, another slightly old-fashioned text-based site—but we all know how to use CMD + F in a page, do we not?
Native Books is awesome if you, like me, prefer reading things in print but would prefer not to feed your dollars into the maw of the Amazon beast. A lot of the lit on Hawaiʻi was printed either a long time ago or in very small releases and is now out-of-print and difficult to find even in libraries, so it rocks that there's an independent bookseller that specializes in getting those works to an audience in hard copy. @ NATIVE BOOKS PLEASE CONSIDER GETTING ROSS CORDY TO RE-PRINT THE RISE AND FALL OF THE OʻAHU KINGDOM THANK YOU SO MUCH. University of Hawaiʻi Press is also a good source for academic texts, although their website is...mm...difficult to navigate, and do be warned that they charge academic press prices.
In terms of who to read, you really can't go wrong with Mary Kawena Pukui, a Native Hawaiian scholar, author, composer, and educator whose work is the backbone of just, a fuckton of writing about Hawaiʻi, both academic and popular. Her book ʻŌlelo Noʻeau: Hawaiian Proverbs and Poetical Sayings is worth at least a skim just to get the feel of the Hawaiian mindset; it also contains a healthy dose of myth, folklore, and history in the explanations of the sayings. Absolutely adorably, I've found two books she edited that I read the absolute FUCK out of as a child available as PDFs through Ulukau: The Water of Kāne and Other Legends of the Hawaiian Islands and Hawaiʻi Island Legends: Pīkoi, Pele, and Others. Definitely worth a quick read if you want more on the myth side of things.
As a non-specialist, I've really enjoyed Patrick Vinton Kirch's writing on precontact Hawaiʻi. For a field archaeologist, his writing is both highly engaging and very respectful of the peoples he studies, and trust me, I do get my back up easily when it comes to white people writing about Other Cultures TM, so I'd posit it means something that he passes my sniff test. A Shark Going Inland is My Chief is a great overview of the history of the Hawaiian chiefdoms from the first settlement of the islands to immediately precontact, and Kuaʻāina Kahiko offers a bit of a closer look at everyday life in a specific locality in the islands (in this case, Kahikinui, Maui).
Kamehameha and His Warrior Kekūhaupiʻo by Stephen Desha (trans. Frances N. Frazier) began its life as a serialized Hawaiian-language history of the rise of Kamehameha I. It's a dense read, and it WILL test your ability to remember who the hell all these people are to its limit—it mostly discusses the lives and times of the major players of the aliʻi class in the late precontact–early postcontact era, and when you remember that a) a hell of a lot of personal names in this tale begin with the letter K and b) the aliʻi class of Hawaiʻi practiced a mindboggling amount of political marriage, consanguineous marriage, and sanctioned adoption between blood relatives, the family trees get real complicated REAL fast. If you can hang on through all that, though, it's an intensely detailed and very vivid portrait of a culture at a tumultuous moment, it gives a great sense of how the Hawaiians viewed themselves and the world, and it's an interesting exercise in the mythologizing of the Kamehameha dynasty.
Okay, So...?
So...if you hung on through all that, god DAMN are you dedicated. Have what is quite possibly my favorite Hawaiian song for your trouble. It is, funnily enough, about a bird.
EDIT: I am retroactively making this post unrebloggable. I'm really, really glad folks have found it interesting and are looking into the resources I shared, but I absolutely do not want this getting passed around as Hawaiian Culture 101. If you want to learn more about Hawaiʻi, I must stress that you should look to a reputable source and not some schmuck on Tumblr rambling about her effortposting fanned fiction.
#chatter#this is why we don't tell swan ''make your own post about it.'' because then she does. this#i must stay confined to the tags field lest i become drunk with power and challenge god.#i have a handful of other text sources that i can rec but they all come with caveats for one reason or another#and i'm going to be so incredibly embarrassed if i hit some kind of post length limit with this thang. so uh. send another ask i guess#AGAIN. I'M NOT AN EXPERT OR AUTHORITY OF ANY KIND. IF I WAKE UP TOMORROW WITH PEOPLE IN MY INBOX#DEMANDING TO KNOW WHO MY KUMU IS I'M GONNA BE REAL PISSED AT Y'ALL FOR RATTING ME OUT. SO BE COOL PLEASE
13 notes
·
View notes