#i can talk about this for hours actually
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do you think the turtles have any phobias or anything like that maybe stuff that grosses them out
well as a projector enjoyer i think ur fav turtle has ur phobias u wanna give them by law
as for me, i project my trypanophobia and fear of clowns onto raph LMAO
as for like... stuff beyond projection and like for waht i maybe think about from the show/movie,, i think they each have their own specific fear/things that freak them out, many things, as is normal. but nothing thats like severe enough to name specifically?
just like... normal discomfort around alot of specific things, each their own... i cant reallty think of any specific things
as for severe phobias, other than mikey being scared of paranormal stuff, donnie and beach balls, and raph and rabbits/puppets, im unsure if i headcanon anything specific like that outside of any like.. self-indulgence
#yeah yea i knnow "how can u have phobia of needles but have piercings and tattoos bla bla bla#BECAUSEEE ITS DUE TO MEDICAL TRAUMA . NO PIERCER HAS EVER HELD ME DOWN AND FORCED ME TO GET A SEPTUM#oversharing o'clock but its ok im comfortable talking abt it tbh#i actually took a needle for the first time in 10+ years in 2022 i am so proud of myself#conciously i mean. i used to have to be put under to do blood tests#but piercings and tattoos are way different. first of al the needle goes through instead of in / only pierce skin#idk#i can talk about this for hours actually#its a big part of my life#and its not like a normal amount of fear btw#i have blacked out and punched doctors and hid under tables and ran out of doctors offices screaming. and repressed almost all those memori#anwayy#asks!
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Man is it just me or are a lot of TV shows nowadays are written to have big emotional episodes in scenes with very little build up.
#txt#i have some thoughts on a certain show.... maybe i'll talk about it lol#like you would think with shortened seasons these writers would try to limit the cast so that big scenes feel more earned... but they dont?#they want these big massive expansive casts with big emotional moments by episode 2 and then every episode needs that Big Scene#i noticed this especially with a lot of indie animated shows#pacing and build up is sacrificed so we can have big emotional scenes with characters we know very little#even indie shows i enjoy im just kind of like āwouldnt this feel more earned if i actually knew this characterā#and sometimes it works. pluto made me cry in the first episode! but it also spent so much time with these characters because#they're an hour long each
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IT WAS ERIC AFTER ALL!!!! I'm so glad we got to meet him (before Vil snaps him away with those Infinity Gauntlets) (can't wait to see what happens when we get the matching Infinity Tiara to go with them, there will be no survivors)
(sorry to be so slow/rough lately, just got a lot of stuff on the ol' brain at the moment! alas, if only I could spend all my time drawing incredibly stupid characters I mean I do but)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#tapis rouge#i know these are not my best but by god i needed to draw ~daddo venue~#he is a treat! can't wait for him to yell at us for screwing up a shoot or whatever the last-minute disaster will be#i am SO HAPPY it turned out to be about movies after all! ...i mean sort of anyway#i'll take what i can get (and i do enjoy twst trying to be all cute about snow whAHEM i mean beautiful queen) (i see you there twst)#(also to be fair it actually wasn't poisoned in historial-revisionism-twstland so i think we can trust this apple. a+ acting eric)#anyway we are still. very solidly in the 'stand around and talk about the wallpaper for three hours' part of the event.#but HEY we got to meet eric! i was not really expecting it to be him so i am VERY pleased#also god help me i did think the shopping montage as portrayed by a rhythmic where they literally SKIP down the street was hilarious#there's a lot of Choices that were made in this event and that was a good one
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my text disappeared here when i posted. what happened
#annyways whats the deal with the panicau. im not talking about like popularity or anythin g#why does n have the evil triangle solver and uzi is a ghost thats evil but also not and theres teeth??? in visor??????#i dont understand anything about it but the artstyle looks cool so i can ignore that#havent drawn this large in a while but i needed to do it for the pc screen to not be Totally crushed#a little crushing is ok. as a treat#i think i took this idea from a post i saw once but i cannot find it again for the life of me#and very intelligent prior me decided not to link it to myself so. lost media#still trying to figure out how i want to draw drone heads slash visors and have been since i started drawing md stuff#losing it#spent like an hour trying to draw something else before giving up and doing this instead#if youre lucky ill actually do it eventually#art#murder drones#murder drones uzi#murder drones n#serial designation n#do i even tag mdpanic?? does this count???#constantly afraid ill mess up tagging#which is something you can do and i might be doing#and also thats a joke. hopefully
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Huey and Gosalyn have some summer camp fun!!
This may have something to do with a comic idea I had
Ironically this is my last post before I go to summer camp (I kind of hope there are no glowing eyes in the woods but cāest la vie)
I will be back in a week hopefully with more ducktales art!!
Bonus:
(No, no he should not be)
#god I could talk about this comic idea for hours#which is a good sign that I might actually make it#Drake definitely made her join the jwc#this might also have been an excuse to make art of my two of my favorites#(theyāre literally me)#also slightly projecting on Gosalyn#I hit her with my Girl Scout ray#guys can you tell Iām really good at backgrounds ššš#ok yap session over normal tag time#ducktales#darkwing duck#dt17#launchpad mcquack#gosalyn mallard#Huey duck#junior woodchucks#ducktales 2017#also HOLY CRAP I make her hair so much curlier than it is in canon also self projecting mb#my art
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little pout
$app + top surgery fund + wishlist
#my job isn't scheduling me the hours i need to cover my ass this month so i would appreciate help <3#also- big news! thank you all for your help in funding my top surgery- i've finally gotten medicaid so i can finally talk to doctors who#can then give me referrals to surgeons!!!!!!!!!!#with any luck medicaid will help me cover some of it- which is my ideal as any money taken off the 8k sticker is money i Need for recovery#and time off work and food and bills and...#but i should be getting these things chopped in 2025! that's huge! i've been waiting about nine years for this...#i'll update in a post once i actually have a consultation lined up and especially once i have a surgery date#<3#this affects an uncountable number of things in my life for the better#queer nsft#t4t nsft#butch nsft#bd/sm community#dyke nsft#trans butch#t4t ns/fw#ftm nsft#butch bottom#trans ns/fw#trans nsft#tboy nsft#tboy ns/fw#transmasc#transmasc nsft#t4t dyke#fagdyke#dykefag#butch sub#bd/sm boy#bd/sm blog
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i love 1999 gears
also the version w/o gears because apparently i've never made a portrait for normal version excalibur
btw this is for the 1st option of this
#fuck i think i actually cooked today#i can say i enjoy coloring this time it's insane#also how the actual fuck did i do that in a morning#it only took like 3 hours from completely blank canvas to finish wtf#peak efficiency#i regret not making a timelapse of this i always forgot to turn that on#actually i didn't plan to do full render when i do the sketch. but i picked the pen for lineart that literally calls for full render#i think mixing some blue in the shadow really make things look better#its like free art quality upgrade#btw the shadow color i use makes me think of the color of iroshizuku fuyu-syogun#which is my favorite color out of all iroshizuku ink#i would be actually surprised if anyone knows what im talking about#warframe#warframe excalibur#warframe operator#my art
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A sculpture I made of my slug fakemon starter :]
#pokemon#fakemon#fakemon starter#I think this turned out so cute!#this sculpture is the first time Iāve used air dry clay in a long while. I usually use polymer clay#I havenāt been able to use my polymer clay lately due to reasons#so I got some air dry clay so i can work with my hands again#I had a lot of fun working with a different medium#this project was actually really fast too. probably about 8 hours from start to finish (minus drying time/breaks)#overall. a good time was had#ALSO! I changed its name#its siellamb now#Costasiella + lamb#sorry for talking so much in tags lol </3
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A lil guy !
#honkai star rail#dan heng#genuinely have a million things i wanna draw and then zero energy#so dan heng in a hoodie#now i gotta go get dinner sooooo maybe that will give energy and then i can draw more of what i actually wanna draw#but i kinda spent like ... hours ? talking to my mom earlier today#since shes been in the hospital for many many days#so i was catching her up on whats been goin on and showed her silly lil videos#and telling her how hyped i was for summer hrid and she (very patient with my fe talk)#was like you always tell me about banners being bad so it must have made you REALLY happy to say the whole banner is good#and im like yeah and i had multiple people on multiple sites like hey salmon/moeblob did ya see the banner#and she was like thats so cool that people acknowledge who you like and im like yeah it is p cool#and then i told her how mad i was at the absolutely criminal act of limiting how you can watch clue (1985 hit movie)#like i told her yeah sure i own it twice on dvd and once on itunes and that the only way to watch those#are either desktop or ps2 and how i dont have access to my itunes email#and i dont have it on my laptop so i sadly would have to rebuy the movie on itunes under a new acct#then i said how i loved that it was free to watch with ads on yt and id watched it twice that way#but then recently wanted to watch it on there but laptop and hoo boy you have to buy or rent it now#so i v angrily was like fine whatever ill do the thing and leave my room and go watch it on my moms tv#while she isnt around and use her amazon prime where it should be included except ! IT WASNT!#YOU HAVE TO HAVE PRIME TO BUY OR RENT IT NOW TOO!#HOW ARE THEY DOING THIS AND WHY ! who in the world is watching this movie so much that isnt me that they have to charge for it now#on all platforms unless you straight up pirate it#and hey why would i of all people be needing to pirate a movie i own physically two times and digitally once#this is literally a personalized attack to me#and my mom was like i understand how you feel cause yeah thats really weird to do to a 1985 movie#and im like yes exactly i have morals and principles that make me opposed to this and its v maddening#and she said she understood and its ok next time we are having power issues and i have to shut down#that if i really wanna watch it i can rent it on her amazon account and i looked at her and shes like oh you feel v strongly about this#and i do! I HAVE HAD IT GIFTED TO ME TWICE ! I BOUGHT IT ONCE! WHY DO I HAVE TO RENT IT FOR MORE MONEY!
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The thing no one ever considers while writing up character analyses about Merlin is that. he must have been sooooooo sleepy.
#I see everyone talking about the nuances when you look at Merlin through [x] lens#BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SLEEPY LENS#WE CANāT KEEP SLEEPING ON THE SLEEPY LENS#(can u tell I'm exhausted)#see this reads as if I'm joking but I'm actually being SO serious. I think the lack of rest was a significant factor in Merlin's conduct#IF he got a solid 8 hours of sleep + 2 hours minimum JUST to himself everyday uninterrupted... I just know things would turn out different#like it isn't even asking for much. decent sleep + a frankly sad amount of down-time. and yet. I know he didn't get that w those 3 jobs#ugh#he must have been TIRED do you hear me#even applies to morgana she looked tired tbh. those prophetic dreams probably weren't great for restfulness. sad what she did but#she did seem sleepy#okay ignore this I am going through it. extrinsic intrinsic coagulation pathways have gotten to me if u know what I mean#actually wait no if anyone sees this don't ignore it#HE MUST HAVE BEEN SO SLEEPY and everyone must understand. SLEEPy.#I hope I do not wake up and reread this and wonder why I posted this. but like I feel like I am the correctest person on planet earth rn#I've been thinking abt merlin's nap deprived state for years now tbh#merlin#bbc merlin
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An analysis on c!Owen and his behaviour throughout the Outsiders SMP series!
Some disclaimers before I go into this. There will be spoilers up ahead! I would like to warn anyone reading that this post will mention some blacklisted members from the smp because their characters play a role in showing us about cOwen.
For convenience, all the members mentioned are the characters, not the actual ccs themself. Some of this might seem all over the place, but when the characters learn random parts of themselves at different points it's bound to happen.
Owen has changed a lot as the series has progressed and many find his personality to have changed entirely towards the end, however, this isnāt really the case. When we go over his character, we can see his core values have stuck with him throughout the series, so in this post, I will go over how exactly he has changed over time and his character in general.
To make it easier, Iām gonna split it into 3 parts. Early maze days, the introduction of clearing 2, and post memories.
During the early maze days Owen establishes his character very early on. Right from the beginning, Owen arrives with the demon Rasbi. They are notably one of the three pairs that come up, with most coming up the elevator alone. The first time we see him, Owen immediately takes up a role as a protector, asking if Rasbi knows how to fight in case there is danger up ahead.
In this first section, we can also see that he acts a lot more childish and naive. Heās very emotional and easily upset by his past. He can be seen jumping on rocks with Mohwee and the others and crying on his first night over his loss of memories. The overwhelmingness of the clearing gets to him. This isnāt to say he is some weak, stupid or soft character though.Ā
Owen may be naive in believing things should be played in certain ways according to his rules but there are many instances where we can see heās not stupid. First episode he can immediately recognise what knife Oeca is holding āHey thatās a throwing knife right? No thatās a daggerāĀ
After getting more settled in the maze he asks about the mazeās agriculture, he mentions everyone is unarmed despite fearing the dangers in the maze. He starts asking about protection, armour, shields and notably, āSo this place is safe on the inside? It's safe to walk at night?ā Heās already worried for everyoneās safety here, he knows the maze is dangerous so is there anywhere thatās safe?Ā
Very early on his past also becomes a very important aspect of his personality. He is probably one of the first to remember anything significant about his past. By episode 2 he is getting flashbacks about how to make a bow. But he makes a javelin first, noting āI think I was a hunter. No, I was an archer. I was a hunter. I was a soldier? I was good at this.ā He then proceeds to aim the javelin at Oecaās name, because at this point he canāt fully trust Ocea. He is very quick to violence, although he doesn't want Oeca dead, he certainly canāt trust in him.Ā
Another important note is that Mohwee is one of the people in the clearing he respected and saw as someone with the ability to act. Which is why we get this interaction where Mohwee calls out āOwen.ā and Owen replies with āyes sirā. His past even without his memories is important and ingrained enough he still acts like this, and this only continues as we go through this section.
The first time they go in the maze as a group is when Apo arrives. This is a very important moment for Owen because their first trip in the maze solidifies his personality throughout this section and maybe even the series. Oeca is shot because Mohwee was careless and brought anyone in. When the group comes back, Owen asks Graecie, āHow many entrances are there to this maze?ā After finding out this is the only one that opens, he refuses to let anyone get hurt again and starts blocking it off.
Trust and promises are very important to Owen here too because it's one of the key reasons he blocks off the entrance. Itās not just Oeca getting hurt, itās the fact he promised Graecie he wouldn't go in. āI broke my promise.ā He also takes Apoās word very seriously in the mine when he tells Owen he didnāt pull the lever. Also because of this he only trusts himself to go in the maze.
When the entrance is blocked off Owen is quick to violence and threatens people if they try to get past him. After finding the old battle axe he starts using it to threaten and intimidate people. āAnyone who goes past this (the gate) i will attackā
āAnyone else that will, I will just cut downā are some of the things he says. He punches Mohwee for trying to get past him. When Oeca comes back after Mohweeās disappearance, Owen follows him with that battle axe trying to talk.
Owen then goes on to say āIām not looking for violenceā and āI'm not collecting weapons this was instinctual (points at bow)ā he doesn't want people to think heās dangerous and he knows people are scared of him.
Even if he seems aggressive he still wants to protect others. Owen goes back in the maze to look for Mohwee after he randomly disappears on their way back. āMy job is to protect people and I will do that to the best of my abilities. At every possible stageā
When Mohwee disappears Owen takes a massive risk to stay in the maze overnight to see if the gates would open. āThe only thing I remember about my life Graecie, is that I was raised to protect people. That's all I remember. And I know it was dumb and stupid to go in the maze but if it got us a step closer to finding Mohwee. I was willing to make that riskā
So weāve established that Owen cares about the people in the clearing even if he doesn't trust all of them, he wants to protect them and he will do it no matter what. It's the purpose he has given himself in order to be useful.
He knows it doesnāt work how he wants it to. People are scared and wary of Owenās protection. There are multiple instances where he tells his voices, āThey donāt get it,ā because he knows people donāt trust his methods. His method of control is disliked by a lot of people.Ā
Ori is one of the main characters to go against Owen. Owen hates this because not only does it risk the safety of others but it goes against his main purpose he gave himself. He takes this job very seriously. So when Ori goes in the maze itās no wonder Owen becomes very violent.
āOri I'm seriously sorry I will break your legs and I'm very close to it. Are you gonna make me. ā
He doesnāt see himself to be super aggressive though āPeople think I'm being really aggressive when I talk like āoh hey if you come near me I'm gonna break your legsā but I'm saying it in the most friendly way I can, you understand that right? I'm not trying to be aggressive with thatā
āI'm saying like if you do step in here I will have to break your legs. In like a very gentle and I'm very sorry I hate to inconvenience you but I do have to break your legs.ā
When Ori sneaks into the maze, Owen talks a lot about his purpose. Things like āDon't, I'll fail them. They'll kill me. My entire purpose here is to stay by this door and stop you from coming in.ā
Owen hates to know he is failing the purpose he has given to himself āWhen I discovered I was a soldier that's what I set myself to (protecting others) but what do I have to show for myself? I have tried my hardest to protect these people. And get they look at me and tell me I'm a tyrantā āyou're not in control, who are you to say what happens?ā
He would do anything, even if it meant sacrificing himself. As shown before when Mohwee disappears but also as he protects the gate after the second lever gets pulled he says āI'm going to protect them if I die in the process so be itāĀ Ā
Another note before this section ends is that itās not just Ori who opposes Owen. Sillvia also talks about Owenās method of leadership.
Sillvia about Owen: Owen I think you would be great. If not for the fact that you have a militaristic mindset. I don't want to see your leadership spiral into a place where Apo wants. Owen I fear you and I want you to know that. I actually fear you and I don't say that about many people. And ruling should not be through fear. You are a terrifying individual and to see you be in a position of power would be a slope we cannot afford or gamble slipping down. We've seen you tussle with Ori. I know you're a strong individual. You could lead us quite well but it's the risk that comes with your leadership that I am not willing to risk.Ā
The perception Owen has of himself differs from how he comes off. It becomes more of an issue later but we can already see this happen.Ā
So as clearing 2 is introduced this is what we know about Owen. He was a soldier once, he wanted to protect people in the clearing even if it meant sacrificing himself. Heās nice to others but his methods are still aggressive and violent, ready to hold a weapon to someone if needed and Owen cares a lot about trust.Ā
With the introduction of clearing 2 we can see how Owen changes and develops. Heās very cautious of clearing 2 members because for all he knows they could have led the creature that destroyed half their clearing in on purpose.Ā
Owen also faces betrayal from Apo. We know trust is something Owen values a lot. Itās mentioned in the early days, and itās a major part of why he feels so strongly about Apo lying. During the scene where Owen faces Apo after finding he pulled the lever that killed the second clearing, his main issue with Apo isnāt the fact that he killed people. It was the fact he lied to him.
āYou lied to me. Why did you do it? No no no I don't care about the lever. Apo why did you lie to me? You're my friend I trusted you. I stayed there. I held your back when oeca said it was you. I put my name on the line. Because we stood together in the mine and I asked you to swear to my face that you didn't do it. And you lied to me. Im meant to be your friend and you lied.āĀ
You can also see what Owen values in a person when they discuss Apoās punishment and Owen says there's 3 main things he did
- went into maze without group consent
- pulled the lever
- he lied
Owen only adds on at the end that he left Squidney.
With all of this too we see Owen for the first time back away from the job he gave himself. He backs away from leadership, we start to see how tired Owen is from the stress of it all. His reasoning has to do with his trust being broken.
āWhat's the point they're all liars. This entire place is filled with filthy liars. Every single person. All I've ever done is tried to protect themā
āForget it. I'm done. I'm don't helping people. No I'm not villain, I'm not a hero I'm nothing.
From now on there is no leader of the maze. They put me in charge. My word means nothing to them I'm done.ā
āHow am I meant to protect them when I try and stop them with physical force im made out to be some kind of monster. When I try to reason with them I'm made out to be soft.āĀ Ā
Owen being viewed as soft has always been something heās aware of. People tend to think because heās kind that they can do whatever they want (sneak into the maze etc) and this perception Owen is a soft person develops. Even if heās emotional and kind weāve seen before in early maze days he is not soft.Ā
Owen tries to ignore all his problems but with it he grows more aggressive than before. His tone changes when he speaks about other people to his voices.
āTo visit him would be to acknowledge he exists. And right now the last thing I want to do is consider the fact that this thing lives and breathes and eats and sleeps under my feet. The sooner he wastes away and fades into nothingness the better. I don't see a life going forward with him in itāĀ - Owen about Apo
āThe more I look around these stupid 4 walls the more I'm reminded that he that. That I trusted him.ā
"he's everywhere. It's like a disease. Like it festers. The outside looks fine and you look just below the surface and it's rotting vile and it's himā
Apo: Just give me a chance.
Owen: why should I? So you can have another tick to the long list of times Owen has naively believed there is some good in the people that infests this clearing? Oeca, mohwee, Bekyamon, Magic, Graecie, Ori, you, liars. All of you.
Iām not just putting quotes here just for you to see oh trust is important! But more so for you to see that Owen changes when his trust has been broken or when he sees someone as a threat. Some of these things sound very similar to what Owen would say when he gets his memories back. Because to Owen trust and protection are 2 very important values. When that is broken he canāt be certain someone isnāt a threat.Ā
With this change Owen does become more aware he isnāt the most approachable person due to his methods. I do want to bring up this quote first thoughĀ
"Can I kill someone? Ive been thinking about this recently I say I'm a soldier. But I've never actually killed anyone. All my life in these 4 walls I've spoken about security and fighting and I can't remember a time I've actually taken someone's life. What if I have to. What if it comes to that I don't think I could stomach it either. I doesn't feel like me. It's not me it's not who I am. No I can't. I'll only attack this person if they do something first. And even then I'll just aim to incapacitate"Ā - Owen about Ash
This is an interesting quote from Owen knowing his later actions but itās not that out of character. If we look at every flashback heās had so far we can see the life of a soldier is not one heās always wanted.
Owen to his dad: What if I'm not ready to be your protector? No It's what you've always wanted! What if I wanted to do something else? What if I don't want to be a soldier what about me when do I get to look out for myself.
However he is always ready to attack if he needs to, if it comes to it he would do anything to protect someone. I think that means to kill even if Owen doesnāt think so at this point.Ā
His notebook btw
Another note about his behavior is that because of how others view him he almost dies from the creatureās venom. Ayngel even said before Owen is more angry. Other people even though it sounds jokingly say Owen gets grumpy when people disrupt him, leading to no one but Soup to check up on him when he gets stung.
When Bek comes back he doesnāt hesitate to do the things he did before. He does what he thinks is right and protects Magic by aiming a javelin at Bek. He says heās not violent but anytime he feels like heās in danger he pulls out a weapon. He did it when he was in Soupās basement, he does it anytime he hears about someone potetially harming Rasbi, and he did it when he heard Oeca attacked Graecie.Ā
Owen in general is a fighter at heart. Even if he says he doesnāt want to kill anyone he is still ready to attack.Ā
Owen: this isn't you Ori. You fight. That's what you do.
Ori: what are you talking about?
Owen: you fight people. When you don't get your way you fight. You and I are the same
At the end of this section, the group decides not to go back in the maze. They had lost Squidney, Oeca, Mohwee, with the presumption that Red, Apo and Graecie were either dead or dying. Owen is tired of it all āEvery Time I've tried to protect someone they've ended dead Kyleā he tries to hope but he is so tired. This tiredness also explains some things that happen when he gets his memory back.Ā
So to summarise before looking at Owen when he gets his memories back, this is what we know about Owen. He wants to protect his friends, he believes in trust a lot, he is both seen as more aggressive and angry these days and soft at the same time, he wants to be a good leader but other people donāt listen. Not much has changed since the early maze days, but itās a more solid character now.Ā
When the reunion comes around Owen in the story has finally had a moment to think about everything that happened between him and Apo. His main regret in the series was how he treated him even if he broke his trust.Ā
Owen loves to contradict himself a lot but itās a very human trait he has. He has complex feelings about Apo, and Beks and a lot of people. Yet heāll still offer his protection to them. Itās because of this the āsuddenā shift in personality he has becomes very shocking to the audience.Ā
Since right before he sees Apo, Owen is very emotional here. Very similar to how he was in the early maze days. Itās out of his character to hope for something like seeing Apo because he knows itās very unlikely heāll see him again. However he gives himself this hope, one more chance.Ā
When Owen regains his memories the tone shift is obvious. He acts less emotional, he seems more mature. But we do need to consider this is someone who just had a lifetime of memories shoved back in his head and his core values are so strong that Owen doesnāt hesitate to act the way he used to.Ā
Thereās lots of similarities to Owen here to the one weāve known. Like his purpose. He sets one for himself immediately after arriving in the clearing. Even as he talks to Apo about his past he talks about his purpose
āI had a purpose once. I was useful, vital, adored. And suddenly everything changed. The world grew tired of blood shed. When all you're good for is violence, when you've been breed into a killing machine, a nation of peace will toss you aside like a spent torchā
Thereās an obvious difference here right? The man weāve watched in the maze who wanted to protect his friends just killed his best friend. This is definitely a different person right? Yes and no. Owen hasnāt changed that much, and I'll explain why after we go through some more things. But itās important to note that this isnāt a completely new person, this isnāt something that is unexpected when we go through the information we already have about Owen.Ā
āI know what you are, you are everything wrong in the world has to offer. You are the amalgamation of all the gluttony and lust of humans with the evil and cunning of demons. You stand as a testament to everything vile. You are a disease on the face of this earth and I am it's curseāĀ
Apo: this isn't you you've changedĀ
Owen: incorrect, this is me. The man you manipulated and lied was nothing more than a puppet driven by the instinct to survive.Ā
Owen wants protection for his friends. He goes to extreme lengths to keep people safe, so when he remembers demons as this evil creature that will hurt people for their own gain he wasnāt going to stand around and do nothing right?Ā
Surprising or not this is very in character for Owen if we look at everything else we have from the series. To him, he is still doing his job, the one heās done since day 1 in the clearing. Just now the threat isnāt just the maze and the occasional person, itās demons.Ā
The way Owen became a demon hunter is essential too. He used to live in comfort, and based on past flashbacks he was training to be a soldier even if he didnāt fully enjoy it. His mother was a poet and his father was a general. He had grown up hearing all about how terrible demons are, and he didnāt understand until his village had been burned down.
One negative interaction with demons had put this deep hatred in his heart for them. Before his memories returned he was ready to forgive Apo, he knew he wasnāt as dangerous as he made him out to be. But when the sudden influx of memory comes, he has this past knowledge that Apo is a threat.Ā
Since Apo had hurt Owen before this only adds to it. Remember Owen really values trust. Apo has broken that trust in the past, so everything combined and letting go of the final restriction itās no wonder he kills Apo.Ā
Despite this āmassive personality changeā Owen has, when he returns to the clearing he still makes sure Magic is safe. He doesn't tell people about the lava rising so he wouldnāt cause panic. He still cares about these people.Ā
But Owen starts to view all the demons as a threat, every demon in the clearing has done something to suggest they could be dangerous. The reason Owen kills Guts is because they poisoned the food at the feast, which led to Magic being poisoned. He carries out this duty for protection
I think another thing people tend to forget about Owen is that he's been slowly breaking apart trying to fit what others want from him as seen in the last section. And it took a major toll on him. His outburst at Magic is one of the ways shown to us how much stress heās been under. Perhaps even guilt heās been feeling.
Magic: if you don't you're just putting everyone danger by not leading usā¦ in thereā¦
Owen: danger? You want to talk about putting others in danger? All of this coming from who exactly? The woman who's clearing burnt down under her leadership? The woman who lied about that previous position of leadership as she lacked the spine to correct her friend when she lied? The woman who was tied up and left for dead by that same friend? The woman who swore to protect a stranger only to them shot down in front of her? What the woman who stood still as her friend was ripped apart beside her? Oh yeah the magnitude of your failures Magic is deafening. Do you hear it? When you fall asleep at night, do you hear the screams of the dead who's blood stain your hands? How do you cope? When you find out be a good friend and let me know would you? Been looking for a way to shut them up.Ā
Owen does try to justify his actions to his voices even if they donāt listen. He knows people here arenāt good. Heās known this since clearing 2 was introduced, but with his memories back he feels like he has to carry on this duty by killing the threat. Thatās the only way to keep people in the clearing safe right?
Owen to voices: have you stopped to think why I'm doing this? You seem so attached to these creatures, why? What good have they done? These people aren't good people. None of us good people. We're all in here for a reason. Just because you haven't taken your rose tinted glasses off to see that doesn't mean the rest of us haven't.Ā
Like before he wonāt let anything stop him, even if it means hurting a few people. He doesn't hesitate to pull out a weapon when he hears Ayngel might know him. He canāt risk anything ruining his plans because he canāt afford to. Heās so tired. I think at this point anyone that was a major threat to him he would kill.Ā
Ayngel: I feel like I recognise you. You and your face from somewhereĀ
Owen: oh? (Starts to pull out knife from his bag)
Ayngel: I've been having this thought and it's got me thinking (Owen pulls out a knife in case)
Ayngel: actually, honestly forget it. It's all a dream and I'm overthinking
The only exception to his thinking is Rasbi. Rasbi actually hasnāt done anything wrong to him personally. Sheās one of the few people that didnāt break his trust but he still kills her. Why?Ā
First off he doesnāt see her as the friend he wanted to protect but instead as something he protected only to kill in the end to fulfil his duty. Her sister is the reason why he ended up in the maze, so even without Rasbi directly harming Owen in any way itās enough for Owen to kill her. Iām sure any small mistake or detail would have led Owen to killing any demon, because it only proves his thinking.Ā
Owen barely survives after Rasbi attacks him. So as Owen starts planning how to kill Krow he starts going a bit insane. His room is a mess, his mind is a mess and he can barely stand it anymore. We really start to see him fall apart here
Owen: this yolk is a burden is a burden I can't carry for much longer. I'm tired. I want to rest. But I took a pact, I made a promise. A glorious death is his for who his country falls and either I or they thing will have to die before I stop.Ā
Something thatās brought up when discussing the idea of āMaze Owenā is the fact that we can see āglimpsesā of him in different interactions. For example when Owen and Krow go out into the maze and Owen spots Puddy he makes sure Puddy doesnāt die by keeping him away. Even if heās aggressive in the scene the fandom interpretation is the care he has for Puddy as āMaze Owenā slipped through. But Itās not out of character for him to still show care for people after his memories are returned based on everything weāve seen.
Before ākillingā off Krow, Owen does say this āThere's no escaping who you areā Which is really interesting since most characters heās interacted with will tell him in the maze you can escape who you used to be. Owen knows for a fact no matter what he does in life now he will never have anything outside the maze. Because the world doesnāt need him anymore. He kills the demons as his final act of service to the world because he has nothing else to offer.Ā
When Krow finally comes back and Owen gets hit in the head he says to the rest of the group āI was protecting you all.ā and āYou don't know what they're like! You haven't seen the outside world.ā
Looking at his final moments we see that everyone that Owen has cared about doesnāt trust him anymore. They donāt believe his protection was needed. Heās told that he will not get out of this cell. Heās left alone in the silence of the cell. Finally with the time to think. He starts experiencing multiple flashbacks and it makes it hard for him to think.Ā
Weāve seen in the past how Owen deals with multiple flashbacks. It gives him a headache or causes him pain in some cases. He also becomes really emotional afterwards. This follows the same case. Except he starts to realize some things.
Krow: I know those eyes. That glint of desperation for approval but knowing it's never coming. We're more similar than you let yourself believe you and I
(Flash back āi was an archer.?ā āi was a hunter?ā I was a soldier)
āI was a tool. Used.ā
He knows heās going to die soon and he starts to panic. The most important line he says isĀ
āSo what now? This is it!? I deserve to die in battle. I killed them. It was what I. Its just what I was meant to do. I was trained. Should i have? I should have. I should have. I can't think inside my head, it's split in twoāĀ
āSo what voices? What was I before then huh? Was that me? Is that who people trust? People trust that one. Old Owen. Yes? It wasn't me. That wasn't meā flashback about Apo first coming up
āI can't think. I can't. They trusted him. They trusted him but not me? My headā¦ā
After this he pleads with Magic to let him out. Owen claims āI hurt them, I hurt my friends. Rasbi, Guts. And Apo, Krow I don't know why I did those thingsā He pleads and cries. And he's desperate
Owen: āNo magic it's me please.āĀ
Magic: āYou kill people owenā
Owen: āIt wasn't me I'm sorry. I just wanted to keep people safe.āĀ
Owen: āMagic please don't goā¦ noā¦ magic. You can't do this.ā
Magic: āI can and I amāĀ
I think when we look at these final clips thereās a very important thing happening. Owen is separating himself from the past. He canāt understand why his friends donāt trust him. Even though nothing has changed. To him his eyes have been opened to the dangers of demons and he fulfilled his purpose.Ā
Why does this separation even happen? This is where we move to the final part of this long analysis and look at theories. Thereās no way I can say for sure this is right or this is wrong. I can only tell you what I think based on the material already there.Ā
So before I go into this I have to emphasize I am not saying you can't refer to earlier Owen as maze Owen to explain Owen at different periods of his life. I'm saying when we really look at it, maze Owen doesn't exist since they're the same person.Ā
So what am I talking about? The concept of āmazeā Owen has been around for a long time. Even ccOwen talks about his character like that. The idea that just because Owen didnāt have his memories that he was some sweet, soft guy that needs to be babied is something that affects a lot on how you view him as a character.Ā
'maze' Owen doesn't actually exist because it's a way that Owen has come up with to justify to himself how he could have cared for demons without shattering his ideals. This is confused with Owen have distinct personalities and missing how he hasn't strayed from his ideals since the start with his idea of protecting everyone.
To separate that period of Owen's life in the maze ignores the fact that the characteristics you see in Owen post reunion are the same from before but taken to the extreme.
He's always been capable of āevilā'. It's the same as every other character in the series. We don't separate them like we do with Owen. Every character in the series is inherently morally gray, they do things out of desperation to survive. You can never say someone is 100% good or bad.Ā
Owenās same mindset of 'I need to protect the people I care about because they're in danger now' carries through. After the reunion in his head demons are no longer part of that group he wants to protect.Ā
The separation of 'maze' and post reunion Owen forgets even in the post memory phase he had the ability to love like 'maze' Owen had. He released Puddy, he started a small farm, he started to relax. It's all part of him.
In his final moments he says a few important things to note. The first being "I was a tool. I was trained. Should I have... I should have." And then right after "I can't think in my head it's split in two"
It seems some take this as 'maze' Owen coming back and fighting with Owen on should he have killed Apo and the others. However rather than 'maze' Owen coming back i think it's this internal conflict he has with himself and his ideals.
Before he says this he's getting flashbacks to the early maze days where he showed kindness to demons. Something he would never let himself do in the past outside the maze. And something he would never do after he remembers it all.
Then he says to the voices "Is that who people trust? Old Owen" while those memories are playing. The voices respond saying they miss that Owen and he replies "Yes? That wasn't me" this is possibly where it further adds to the whole 'maze' Owen is a different person thing.
Rather than facing the fact that his thinking doesnāt make sense anymore he separates himself from those memories. As soon as Owen accepts that demons are not these creatures that betray and kill you at any moment, his life has no purpose.
Owenās thinking comes from the manipulation and propaganda he's been fed. In his final episode we get these quotes which show just how much his thinking revolves around protection and also showing what years of training did to him.
He understands he was a tool that was used. He's well aware everything he is doing may not have a purpose and yet he still plays this part. He can't break away from that thinking because if he lets himself, Owen has to face the fact that his whole life had no true meaning.
That is a terrifying thing to do. He has been in this environment for so long you canāt just take him out of it.Ā
Going over everything you can access in Owenās pov, we know that before gaining his memories Owen is a person that cares deeply about his friends, he risks himself to protect them, he wonāt hesitate to hold a weapon against someone he sees as a threat. Owen thinks trust is an important value to have, he takes it very seriously. But we also know that not everyone likes Owen and his leadership. Heās seen with a military mindset, people donāt want to upset him and it nearly costs his life.
Now letās compare that with the Owen we get to know after his memories return. He wants to protect the people he deeply cares about, he risks himself to protect them, he doesnāt hesitate to hold a weapon against someone that he sees as a threat, only now the threat is demons. When we start looking at these differences, yes, Owen when he regains his memories is different, his tone changes, he murders people. But those core values weāve seen throughout the series stay with him.
Itās one of the reasons why Owen canāt understand why no one in the clearing is on his side. He protected them against the threat they didn't know about. That is his purpose, and thatās what heās good for. Remember right at the beginning of the series Owen sets his purpose to protect these people, now this is still the same. He views demons as a threat because he hasnāt had good experiences with them. Even if Apo became his friend in the clearing, Apo ends up lying to Owen, and betraying his trust. Guts became his friend but Guts tried to poison Magic. Owen has never fully trusted Krow and that distrust only furthers once he knows what Krow is capable of based on his experiences with demons.
So letās go back to the previous question: who was it there? Youāre probably thinking well how do you explain maze Owen and the chips. ccOwen has mentioned before that it's a possibility for the chips to alter memories. Maybe Starr suppressed those memories and maze Owen was there again. Or he was hit hard on the head right? Maybe his chip was damaged and it altered his emotions and memory.
There is too little known information to us as an audience about the chips in their head. We know they can supposedly make the outsiders lose track of time, alter their memories, their emotions and change how they act. But if the chips in their head is the explanation for everything then why does Owen remember killing his friends when he talks to Magic? He says it like he wasn't the one doing it, like he watched someone else do it. How do you explain his behaviour then? If the damaged chip really made him act like that then why do flashbacks still occur when he's in prison? He seems to have no control over those, so the chip must still work fine?
I think when we look at his character the maze has already changed him whether he likes it or not. Thereās more doubt in him than before. He lets Apo go with extra time. He hesitated before he ran after him. No matter how small, he has changed.
But when Owen talks about himself in the past he makes this separation. The voices in his head won't stop calling for the guy they used to know, even though he's right here. I think Owen doesn't even want to acknowledge at one point he was friends with the demons he hated so much.Ā
In that prison cell all his ideals and values are facing him. Everything he's done and he's known has been a lie. I think he knows this but can't bring himself to acknowledge that. Would you admit what you thought for your entire life was wrong? That you killed countless for nothing?
When faced with death Owen becomes desperate. Which I think explains his behaviour with Magic. That is his last hope and he knows people like the older version of him. I don't think he's fully lying though when he says i don't know why I did those things. Not because maze Owen came back or anything but because in the maze he no longer has this duty but he still carries it out. He's so tired from it all and he wants to leave it behind but he can't.
So let's go over his death scene one more time. āMy head it's split in twoā I think the explanation for this is that he was just hit with a bunch of flashbacks of his first days. Right before this he also says āI was a tool. Usedā I believe in his final moments where he has a moment to think he starts to fight himself. Should he have done all this for a country that throws him away the second he's useless? He was trained to do this. But should he have really? That's what I think is making him say my head it's split in two. He's fighting his own views and alongside these positive memories it makes him confused. And overwhelmed.
It's important to note Owen doesn't have a single bad flashback about Apo and Rasbi. He doesn't think about the levers, he thinks about his friends that he met. That he protected.
The more flashbacks he gets the more defensive he becomes. āI'm right here you can't convince me otherwiseā He doesn't understand why the Owen in his memories is trusted so much, even though they're the same person. In his mind he's doing what he's always done. protect.
āIt wasn't me I'm sorry I just wanted to keep people safeā everything he says to Magic is half genuine and half lie. I don't think even Owen knows which parts are which. It's easier if he separates himself into the nice trusted Owen and who he is now.
No matter what in the end, that was Owen. Not Maze Owen but Owen who is desperate to live. He's tired of it all. He's finished his mission and he won't even get to see what he thinks will be an honorable ending for him.
Remember what Owen says to Apo? "The man you manipulated and lied was nothing more than a puppet driven by the instinct to survive."
So of course he'll do anything to survive even if it means playing up the truth.
It's hard to separate Owen into these neat boxes and say for sure that was Maze Owen at the end or that was full manipulation. Because like Owen everything is a bit grey here. Maze Owen wasn't the best person, he hurt his friends, people were scared of him. And post memories Owen isn't some misunderstood guy that needs babying either.Ā
My final thoughts on this debate is that in the end the one that pleads for his life is just Owen. To separate him and say it was Maze Owen doesn't allow you to understand how complex Owen is as a character. And continues to let you believe that Owen can't do anything wrong.Ā Not understanding sometimes a good person is capable of this evil. To the end Owen still believed he was doing what was right and that was protecting the ones he cared about. So has anything really changed since the start?
#zara rambles#outsiders smp#outsiders smp spoilers#owengejuicetv#okay if you read this whole thing just know this was about 6k words sjdfhsd#i spent a looooong time writing this mainly cause i started in july got busy with school and continued it last week. along with rewatching#owens pov to get everything here. the original document with all my notes is like 12k long because cOwen looooves to talk#i'm open to other people's opinions obviously like i said i could be wrong but this is just how i see it based on the episodes we have on y#it's kinda unfair to expect people to know random knowledge buried deep in some 4 hour vod from 2 years ago so everything here is from yt#with the exception that one fighting cOri quote since Owen deleted that section from his yt series. but it was originally there#idk what else to say really. i'm not the biggest fan of the whole 'maze' owen thing as you can tell by this and many other posts of mine#i think its fine to call him that but you gotta understand there aren't actually 2 different people. thats the tldr#anyway ty for reading wish me luck when i post this on twitter#oh sorry for no videos tumblr hates those so you guys only got the quotes š still the same stuff though so it doesn't really matter sjdjdj
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Redraw of one of my favourite moments in Succession because Roman's my favourite and I wanted to practise drawing him but then I got too involved and turned it into a whole comic and I don't even really like how it turned out but I spent too long on it to not post it š
I wish I could do something more creative than just redrawing scenes from the show but I find the characters so difficult to write š like I'm genuinely jealous of people who can write good fanfiction of them
#NO SPOILERS i still haven't finished!!#succession#succession hbo#roman roy#gerri kellman#succession fanart#romangerri#i don't ship them but this scene is objectively a bit romangerri so i wanted to tag#comics#my art#considering i wanted to practise drawing Roman#this was actually a really annoying scene like his hair doesn't usually look like that#at least i can draw gerri now#i hope the composition/movement makes sense here i had to adapt the scene for comic form#like i put way too much thought into this#and it took me like 9 hours to nightshade#these two make me insane actually#love how he says āit's a lot to think aboutā at the end#like what is there to think about?? what has he even said??#i headcanon this was a real proposal#he just talked himself out of it once she didn't say yes
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Favorite Trigun character?
teehee..... can u guess š¤Ŗš
#have to work on hw again so will be answering more qs š#this aint even CLOSE to half of all my drawings of him š¤£š#also fellas. we are nearing 1 whole year of drawing wolfwood.š#safe to say ive never drawn a single character this many times in my life before š¤£ I'M SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSED BY IT#IT'S MY FIRST TIME HAVING A FAV CHARACTER THAT I CAN BOTH RELATE TO AND THAT'S. LIKE. ACTUALLY DEEP AND INTERESTINGLY WRITTEN LMFAOš#like i remember rly being hit by his worldview while reading trimax... i was like whoa........ he thinks just like me fr T_T#and on top of that he also has a really beautiful arc T_T trigun/trimax fr is set up in a way that's like. how could u NOT love this guy!!!#so yeah that's the super short version of why i lawvvv him so much SDJFGHAHA#i dont have a ton of time to get into it atm but i could literally talk about this guy for hours. oh my lord. my little pookie-boo.
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i found a god awful doc about this one person (who, too, is a god awful being) trying to reason why mudClaw would be a bad leader. I'ma try to find the doc but meanwhile I'll submit this because someone could have the link, I'll need your honest thought about it bcs why are we defending oneWhiker now
Anon, buddy, I'm gonna have to sit you down and gently discourage you from casually calling random human people "god awful beings" in my inbox like this. Not when you're just talking about relatively basic media analysis. That isn't ok or normal.
I hope that when I speak harshly, it's coming from a place of condemning hurtful actions and the tangible harm that they cause. I don't appreciate people trying to get me to directly beef with other people directly by requesting I break down their individual posts or analysis documents (when I ask for people to share links, it's so I can see and prepare to counter the ideas because they usually "float downstream" if they get popular); but in a second ask, you linked this document and there's nothing harmful in it. In fact, it's got a far more neutral tone than I'd take if I was writing an analysis about Mudclaw.
If you couldn't tell the difference between a document like this and one that contains active abuse apologia rhetoric, I would be filled with concern. But I don't think you read it. I think you maybe skimmed it and stopped reading, or just heard the title.
Because this document literally says this;
and your takeaway, something you felt so strongly about that you came to me hoping I'd validate it, was "Why Are We Defending Onewhisker Now."
Art is a tool we can use to explore our own biases, and teach us something about ourselves. That overwhelming sense of anger and disgust that you probably felt when you saw "Mudclaw Would Be A Bad Leader" made you jump to an emotional conclusion and you assumed something that was not said. I know the feeling. You might have had a reactionary impulse.
You are not a bad person for doing that-- you're human. You can grow.
Why did it upset you this much, though? Is there something very personal about this that set you off? ...are you spending a lot of time in spaces online that keep you angry? These are questions for you to reflect with.
I do not know the owner of this document or "what they've done," if anything, so I will not link it, because their Discord is at the bottom of the doc. If they are truly a "god awful being", please do not engage, just block and move on. Nothing is accomplished by following around 'A Bad Guy' and boosting their cat takes.
But something VERY bad WOULD be accomplished if I indulged an anon for a situation I know nothing about and unwittingly became part of a harassment campaign. How do I know that you've got good intentions?
I usually just delete unsolicited links to docs and videos that are 'fightbaiting' like this-- trying to get me to beef publicly with a 3rd person. But I've seen more of these than usual lately so I would like to try and cool it down.
#Those are genuine mindfulness questions btw. i always mean it when I ask people to reflect.#And sometimes you DO have a good and legitimate answer to them#Sometimes the thing that is personal about it is that they are spreading harmful ideas or being bigoted.#But you need to learn to be specific about What the harmful idea is.#And How it is harmful.#bone babble#I'm also going to be clarifying this over in the ask etiquette because I don't want this place to turn into a drama blog.#This is not about saying that I won't comment on fandom discussions or ppl can't ask my opinions on things#It's that we can talk about the ideas without demonizing some guy about it#God Awful Doc from a God Awful Being is not even remotely an ok thing to say in this inbox when i know nothing about anyone involved#it DOES kinda concern me that The Youths seem to have 'BAD PERSON' as part of their lexicon#im seeing the sentiment in a looooot of places lately and that does actually scare me#My partner halfjokes with me that everyone should be made to take a mandatory 5 hour class on Splitting before being allowed online#and by 'halfjoke' I mean 'halflife' because it becomes 50% more correct every single day
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Are you okay with people making edits with your art?
yeah sure! as long as it's credited properly I don't mind edits. but if someone reposts my art, especially without permission, that's what i'm not okay with. i stopped making art for fairy tail because people kept stealing it š but edits are fun and they go back to the og source!! i'm completely ok with y'all devestating me or making me giggle
#also should point out: i do not mind being tagged!!#i actually love it#it's a lot of fun to see what y'all create#or even just tagging me in a silly video#it's the same when people are like āi'm so sorry i info dumped about this i just love (insert fixation)ā#like babe you could split open my skull and talk directly to my brain for hours#i love stuff like that#erinwantstowrite#ao3#ao3 fanfic#leap of faith ao3#leap of faith catch me if you can#thank you for the ask!#thank you for asking btw! that's super sweet :) /gen
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my ass is not getting into heaven with these pink haired pete wentz pictures on my computer dawg š¤£
#sorry if ive been psycho posting for the last few hours#<- actually i have noooo idea what ive been posting maybe i made 3 whole posts but it feels like a lot#was supposed to be working on my resume but ive just been on flickr the whole day#now im on smugmug which.. didnt know people actually use that site#feels like a photospam website. the quantity of pictures from 1 show is more than i see ever#which i guess flickr is like a portfolio thing and smugmug is for posting on your silly blog spot yadda yadda who cares#do you sometimes feel like you can/have to talk constantly and you notice that youre being annoying but you cant stop it from happening#like yesterday i noticed i was just starting a convo every 3 seconds and annoying everyone else. im like that dumb fairy from loz#hey look at this hey did you know hey do you ever think about hey hey hey. like shut the fuck up bitch damn
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