#i can plan therapy appts

[selfimploding]

psychologist in my area who specialises in agoraphobia and avpd and accepts ndis funding maybe 7th times the charm...

[connormoving]

like i think if i tried to flirt with somebody id just be like . Hi. and then id get scared and have to run away to have a panic attack

[desultory-suggestions]

If you dont mind me asking- Do you have any advice or tips for coping with pmdd? How did pmdd things change once you were on T? I finally got an appt with a doctor about it in a few months.

Hello friend! I don’t mind at all. PMDD is an extremely tough disorder to navigate and it looks different for all of us. In my personal experience it made me have extreme anger issues, I would fight with my family ruthlessly as a teenager and it was awful all around. I wanted to be calmer and I tried to be, but everything set me off.

What finally helped me through this was two things, therapy and birth control. I started therapy as a teen to help me deal with the larger issues and mental health struggles I was having and it helped a great deal.

However, this biggest thing that helped was being put on birth control to halt my menstrual cycle. This was for dysphoria, but had the unintended side effect of truly eradicating my monthly depression and rage cycles. Now I did still needed to treat my underlying depression with medication, but it made a huge difference not to have my period. Most people can stop their period with T, I have “extremely resilient ovaries” and still have a very minor period on higher doses of T. So I have a birth control implant, and the combination stops my period entirely.

Coping with PMDD without treatment was very difficult and I didn’t find the best ways of doing it. However, the advice I would give my younger self is to be honest with my loved ones about how I’m feeling, to keep track of when my emotions shift each month, and to work hard to set up systems of care for myself. Even today I keep a general idea of how my hormones change each month, and take a little extra care and emotional awareness during specific times. Anything that lessens your symptoms is good, even if it feels silly. Telling my partner about it helped a lot, as when I have a period (right now I do for complicated reasons) he can predict mood shifts and be a bit more patient or supportive on the weeks when I start to spiral into emotional turmoil.

Everyone has their own experience, so it may look different for you. Hopefully taking T can help bring you the same peace it did for me (if that’s what you desire!) and if not definitely speak to mental health and medical professionals about a care plan that does work. Wishing you all the best!

-Evan

[apr7l]

wall of text alert but it's exciting and good i think

i have had an absolutely crazy time over the last 8 days and i made a summary of the most important things i did on each days and honestly read for yourself because i kinda bossed it i think.. (does anyone read these / care 😭 please lmk)

sunday: day 1 sober from alcohol for (i hope to be) the very last time. bit of a killer hangover. got through it and had an ok day

monday: made some important emails and phone calls, and met for coffee with a social worker i had been put in touch with. she's super lovely and it's nice to talk to someone who can help me through things without it being emotionally intensive as like, serious therapy (which i do need at some point but i cbf rn)

tuesday: in preparation for a big day ahead i tidied my room (most importantly i did laundry and sheets). i also went and saw a friend and we cut out photos from books of various cool flowers and bugs, which i decorated my room with. i got real cozy, had a shower and felt clean and warm.

wednesday: tossed and turned in my sleep but was able to make the important doctor's appointment i had in the morning (thank god).. and i got my freaking HRT prescription!! such a relief because i wasn't sure if it was going to be The Day and now The Wait is over... i picked it up from the supermarket pharmacy and got a monster energy. and then i went to see my friend (planned that i would come over no matter the result), shared the news, then went to my parents place to walk the dog lol. lovely sunny day. went home, smoked some out my bedroom window, went out again to another friend's place for Show And Tell (we share songs we've written and such), it was a whole day of adventures and it was fab

thursday: had my last counselling appt. with the person i've been seeing for a while. it was nice to talk about the things that were making me happy rather than the things that were making me unhappy.. it was a nice positive way to wrap things up. and i was riding the high from yesterday's news. i felt lighter and happier and excited and.. new? i guess? like a brand new chapter in life had just started.

friday: kind of a day off? nice and rainy. i went to see a friend and she showed me her perfume collection and we watched tv and hung out which was lovely. i also learnt how to play Say Yes by Elliott Smith on the piano and put together a cover

saturday: i've been going to this music programme on the weekends that is quite a drive away and i need to wake up early in the mornings for it, but it really is a lovely new part of my life and there are lots of cool and interesting people and i can feel my musicianship start to flourish. i'm finally at the point where i've stopped abandoning literally every one of my ideas. so i did that from 10am-4pm and had a nice long sleepy bus ride home

sunday: another day at the music course and there is a lot i have to write about this course, but mostly.. it was lovely hearing what everyone was playing and it's all very social and free-flowing AND i got to take home a cool music gadget with me until we start again after the break >:) so i will be having lots of fun no doubt

soo,, in terms of milestones(?),, that puts me at 8 days sober and 5 days on HRT.. the hrt is wild and exciting and i think actually gives me extra incentive not to drink? it's like, there's this Big New Awesome Thing in my life and i'm ready to put the Big Bad Terrible Thing behind me...

in terms of changes from the hrt it is still very much early days but i'm definitely feeling some new emotions. the only physical changes i've gotten 'off the bat' are to my skin (drier, less oily) i'm doing a lot of running my hands through my arms. also sweating less. pretty good in terms of like, sensory enjoyment tbh. like, who likes sweating. there was also this other thing that was great.

there are some more difficult emotions in the mix here but i think i have been doing genuinely well for myself and am Where I Need To Be for the moment. enjoying the ride and slowly improving on life 👍

[mcalhenwrites]

I only work Sunday this coming weekend (I mean at my wage job), and I'm bringing my laptop with me so I can get some writing done. I'm hoping I can work further on The Dragons' Cosmos. Even though it's the third book in the series and I still need to significantly rewrite the draft for The Hostile Credence (book two), I'm stuck on this one. I haven't even written the first book properly, though all this focus on TDC has led to me figuring out what'll happen in the first one more! I plan to finish all four books, edit them all significantly, THEN I'll figure out if I can ever publish them.

...They're all lengthy books, and all of them are broken into parts. It's kind of healing, though. Roscoe's dad, Wayne, is heavily based on my own father. Then I have Noah, whose dad, Frank, is such a wonderful dad! I'm writing them doing some bonding right before a pivotal moment in Noah's life, and it's just... I love them. I love to write the unhealthy, abusive families with the contrast of having the healthy ones right there... ;A; It's catharsis and hope in the same book. I've had to kind of step back since Tuesday, though. With the last-minute acceptance into the festival (we were on a waitlist before that), I've been doing a lot of work to get things finished before Saturday, which includes far too much crocheting for my own health and happiness. :/ I switched working days so I didn't lose too much money by taking tomorrow off for the festival, which I'm glad I planned on going even if we didn't get off the waitlist. I'm trying very hard to get on my feet here. That includes trying to sell stuff at the table and hoping that my writing at least gets some attention. I purposely decided business cards were useless until I can filter out crochet, since I'm so exhausted with that being the only merit anyone thinks I have. No, it's not a merit if I'm harming myself to do it, never making stuff for myself or the gifts I want to finish for friends... I'm tired and shouldn't have to monotize it. But I'm also tired of living in an uncomfortable temp situation. I'm frequently being chided for my pronunciation, dealing with "did you do this thing that's messy" (I didn't, I typically clean up after myself and she knows that), and then...last week, having to explain and justify my towels in the bathroom by someone who only steps into that bathroom for the laundry! I also frequently get attacked by the cat, who will follow me around but get upset if I get too close. She blocks doorways and hallways and staircases frequently. This isn't something she does to just me, it's something she does to everyone except her dad (as long as he doesn't pick her up). She bit a family friend last week who was going for soda and drew blood. It's rough when this house is messy and cluttered with stuff and there are always people coming in and out. I feel bad it stresses her out, but I can't NOT go to the bathroom or get my shoes on for work. Like. Fuck. I hate this!!! Anyway, I'm still taking patrons, I'm still selling Geckos - and I will be cross-publishing it to itchio once I have time to read through their terms of services and all that and doublecheck that I can do so with it up on Amazon. In April, I start working Mondays at front desk in Grimes, I still am doing half-day help in the bakery at the same location, and my weekends are still in West Des Moines. All involving lengthy, stressful drives from Altoona. I had such bad driving anxiety Wednesday that I almost cancelled a therapy appt in downtown Des Moines. With my health at its worst, the brain fog and lack of focus makes me feel like I'm just too dangerous for time behind the wheel. It's so stupid, but that's my life. I can drive, it's just... hard when it's THAT MUCH DRIVING. Even running to the credit union today has me anxious. But I need some cash for tomorrow so I can have change when people buy things.

Here's some of what I've got to sell:

Making this not-rebloggable and starting with a big paragraph about my book is actually a tactic: you don't get to see any of the fucking crochet outside my patreon unless you go through my writing first. (And yes, I have a lot of other crocheted items I did not post, they're patreon-exclusive.) My parents are talking about visiting me so I don't have to drive to Wichita, and frankly, I'm not keen on it. Why? The main reason I would want to visit Wichita is that I miss my DOG. I do love my mom and my brother and enjoy seeing them, but... I really miss my baby boy. He's over 10 and a large breed, and I'm crying this morning because I just can't afford housing to get him back. And explaining to them that they either need to bring him or I still need to afford gas money to drive down there and see him... it's just. Frustrating. But also. Everything is. I'm so tired and in pain and I hate this. I hate this so much. I feel like all I do is work toward misery and hell.

[faithhopeloveandtherapy]

I’m going to see if writing this out in this anonymous space helps me at all.

My dad has cancer. He was diagnosed a couple of years ago. It’s been under control until now, when it has spread quite aggressively to his bones. He called a family zoom meeting and told us. It was two weeks ago, the day after the baby had moved. At the time I had no capacity to deal with another trauma. I actually felt angry that he was imposing another trauma on me when I was already maxed out. Of course I didn’t say that. I messaged my sister to ask if she knew what was going on, and she sent me a screenshot of a message from my mum to her, saying “the appointment was awful but your dad will have to tell you”. This is how we communicate in our family, we are all scared of my dad so we message around him.

Since that meeting, my dad has had another scan and then was awaiting an appointment for decisions on chemotherapy and radiotherapy.

I messaged our family chat (just my parents, sister and me) at the weekend and asked if there was any update. No reply. My sister messages me privately and says, he’s due an appointment on Monday, but she doesn’t want to say that in the family chat in case she gets told off for speaking out of turn because she knows our dad likes to tell things in his own time. (Can you feel the dysfunction bouncing out of the screen?)

On Monday morning, I wonder to myself if the appt will go ahead because there’s a doctors strike here in the UK. I am too scared to ask this in the family chat. Later that day, I message my sister to ask if she knows if the appt has gone ahead. She says as far as she knows it was still planned to happen. On this basis, I message the family chat asking if it’s going ahead. Within an hour, my dad replies that he got the appointment day wrong and it’s not till Thursday.

To anyone in the outside world, we appear a very normal happy functional family, two parents in a loving marriage, two successful, happily married children and a generation of grandchildren . But underneath are layers of complicated stuff that the world doesn’t get to see. We are all scared of my dad, to varying extents and manifesting in various ways. I think I am the most scared, maybe because I faced his anger/impatience the most as a child and tried to shield my younger sister from it, maybe because I am more sensitive and affected by others moods and prone to blaming myself. T knows all this and I wish I could have her back to process what’s happening now with, because in order to try and work through it with a new therapist, they would first need all the back story, which feels so exhausting to go through again.

When we were on holiday with my parents in the summer, it was all (mostly) fine when everyone was together. But one evening everyone else went out to the cinema, leaving me and my dad home alone. I was in such a state of anxiety the entire time, watching the minutes tick down until everyone was back, and praying that he wouldn’t speak to me. I feel so ashamed that this is our relationship and I know my dad would be very hurt and shocked if he knew (he genuinely believes he was an amazing parent), but also the magnitude of trying to unravel it and either shatter his belief in himself or destroy his relationship with me is unthinkable. Aside from anything, I’m just not brave enough.

So I carry on, trying to walk the tightrope of saying the right things at the right time and keeping quiet at the right times, tiptoeing round the emotional landmines, and trying to hold all the complicated feelings of sadness and relief and grief in some sort of same time existence.

And I wonder how bad it should get before I take myself back to therapy.

[soullikethesea]

Yesterday was a travelling day. On my own, so I had a bit too much time to think.

When we were saying our goodbyes, my friend and their partner said some of the things I'm desperate to hear.

- You are such an easy guest, because you really were/are part of the household.

- It was fun for us to have another person in the house. We will really miss you.

Those things cut right into the abandonment/rejection/belonging wounds I have. It makes me feel like in an alternate reality maybe another family could have accepted me. (Maybe it's not just me).

I did get annoyed with them sometimes, but I guess that's normal. I could just *also* sense good intentions the whole time.

When I was on the train, I couldn't help but think about T. I noticed that I still don't want to see her. It's as if something broke. I don't want to be like that... it feels unfair from my side. But honestly, she hasn't been able to help me lately and it felt like a let down. She also really let me down when she ignored my messages (even though she did call at the planned appt times).

Maybe it's also that I'm just too overwhelmed - needing rest and peace too much right now. I noticed that the partner went to therapy (for PTSD, deep trauma work) and afterwards they could still do some things and the next day they could be active again? For me literally just sitting in a room to do therapy is activating enough that afterwards I can only lie in bed the whole day and the next day is still groggy. Let alone when I actually talk about stuff. It is terrifying and Exhausting.

Now I'm spending one day in a small city and later we're heading up to a cabin for a few days. Hopefully it'll be nice. It requires a ferry to get there, so that is kind of cool. And there's moose and wolves out there. 😮

[rainbowgothdisaster]

i hope one day i have the opportunity to break some bitch ass cops nose bc they really started to fucking piss me off personally fuck you for fucking raiding the house i hope your dad has a stroke and is bedridden for a long slow year before finally croaking at the worst time when your already busy and stressed and none of your family help plan the funeral and then time comes and ppl start problems at the funeral bcuz they cant leave drama out of it

literally fuck you i hope you get tuberculosis and the doctors don't think to check for it until your fucking miserable and wasting away

i hope the next time you raid the woods where the homeless ppl are camping you accidentally get stuck with a nasty ass needle and get hep c

and also fuck you for causing problems the day after my therapy appt you fucking cunts finally fucking fire those bitches that have been causing problems and get a better website so i can actually know when you pull some fuck shit like this "the mugshots are broken" yeah sos the updates unless your suggesting they've been there for over 4 hours and arent processed yet "we provide this information for the service of the public" fuck you goddamn it

[galaxae]

during my last therapy appt my therapist asked how it was going cohabitating with my bf and i talked about it and my therapist was like, well damn this sounds great, it's a mark of a solid relationship when you can talk out and get through the mundane stuff like that (chores, shopping, moving, money etc). and like. honestly? the mundane stuff is My Favorite Part. maybe it's just because this is fresh and new and we've only been living together for a month and a half. but talking out money plans, looking for furniture, making a grocery list, eating my bf's cooking, cleaning/organizing while he's at work so he can come home to a super nice place,, it all honestly feels so super good. the mundanity is the best part. forget going out on dates or vacationing or whatever the hell else, my favorite thing in the world is just existing with my love

[ahhvernin]

Against popular belief remember the interview is a 2 way process in which they are seeing if you are qualified and meet their expectations but also if THEY THE EMPLOYER MEETS YOUR REQUIREMENTS AND EXPECTATIONS.

Flip those interview questions around and ask how they work and what they offer.

Ask things like:

1. How does the company handle inclement weather warnings? (Tells you if they value staff safety or their own asses. Answers that start with "well, if they have the pot time...." Are shit answers bc we have all heard stories of stranded workers)

2. On a scale of 1-10, 1 being least satisfied and 10 being most satisfied, how would your rate employee work satisfaction? (Watch their body language.)

3. Tell me a time where there was a conflict among employees how did you diffuse and resolve the situation? (NOT manage but diffuse. If they have trouble answering the diffuse part, this is likely not that strong suit and probably don't listen well)

4. What are the strengths and weaknesses of your team? (A team lead who respects their team will often lean on answering strengths because they see this. A team lead who only sees issues will lean heavily on weaknesses.)

5. How do you encourage work life balance among your team? How does your staff utilize their PTO time? Can you gave me some examples of how they use it beyond vacation? (Managers who are engaged with their team may say things like, employees who take time every last Friday, some use it to go to class or a regularly scheduled meeting. Doctor appointments, mental health days, student-school events, family care )

6. How is PTO time submitted? How often are they accepted? What is the preferred notice time? How do you handle requests made within a shorter time frame? (This is important to know if you have access to a computer request system or if its paper, along with if your manager is a stickler for control. Listen carefully to how they answer and if they try to beat around the bush.)*special note: for me this question is very important because I have several health issues and often need to have multiple doctor appts every few months and post covid, often times get last minute rescheduled. And I have biweekly therapy sessions.

7. Do you and your team find the provided health benefits provided by the company adequate? Does it cover dental, vision etc? (Don't be afraid, if benefits is a high priority, ask. It sucks to get hired and to find out the insurance sucks and covers nothing)

8. Does the company offer retirement plans? Does it offer matched contributing? Do you like it? (These days don't waste your time at companies who don't. If they match contributions even better. Some places have crap retirement so many workers choose not to participate.)

If they can ask you for work experience and skill and your degree....you can ask them about management and benefits.

It also helps you with rejection. Because instead of saying "I didn't meet their qualifications" you can look back on the interview and their answers and say, "its okay they also didn't meet my qualifications". Or if you get an offer but you feel they are just trying to fit a cog, you can say "thank you for the offer, unfortunately I have decided to pursue another company who better suits my needs and expectations. I hope you find someone who suits yours."

[nathank77]

5/14/25

2:13 p.m Added to Significantly 2:35 p.m/7 Miles down-24 miles remaining

So I hit the gym and did a real deload day where I didnt do any high weights bc I want to go on Saturday and rework my gym schedule back to normal and move abs to Thursday bc of my therapy appt. By next week I should be able to abs/legs Monday, arms Wednesday, abs/legs Thursday and Saturday arm. Idk if my therapist will keep me but I'm not going this week. And I can see the benefit of abs being monday and thursday..... I mean I have things coming up many Fridays in the future. So if she doesn't it's whatever.

By next Wednesday my arm day im going to hit higher weights bc I won't be doing arm day three days in a week... to make up for last week and maintain my gym schedule.. thats the issue with pushing it one day forward... the problem with doing it one day late is it pushes my other gym day out as well and if I do it a day early there isnt enough recovery time.. that is the conundrum. A strict schedule is required...

my gym schedule is important it makes planning my life managable and if this gym thing doesn't go differently than the last time, I want to say I did everything I could... so maintaining a strict schedule when weather isn't an issue is important bc once snow is a thing again... well... you know it's sorta out of my control... but until at least November I could hit the gym 4 days a week......... on a schedule and plan my life around it.

Idc if she leaves me bc tbh I cant get attached to therapists. They hurt me. They always hurt me.

Anyways I walked 2.1 miles today. Only 24 left girl. I hope you're living your best life, you actually finally look happy and that's all I ever wanted.

Imma try walking once or twice a week minimum 1 mile. Leg day is hard..... and when I have arm day before legs, well tbh it makes me less effective on leg day pushing weights bc its a workout walking its actually shocking how maintaining 2.5 mph causes a burn and really makes you sweat.. I'd actually like to walk 4 miles a week, 2 every arm day but it was very difficult.... my goal is one a week. I cant push myself too hard. I'll aim higher but do what I can.

But yea i will complete 31 miles. And at this rate i may redo the two miles i couldn't capture a picture of but idk. I just want to be in your life and walking for you, makes me feel like im connected to you.

I hope one day I can finally see you smile again, your smile is the most beautiful smile I've ever seen, it makes the whole world look brighter. It gives me hope.

[amnotaqueen]

He Leaves Me Out of Decision Making

So, my husband notoriously ignores me, doesn't respond to direct questions or messages from me, UNLESS the message or what I have to say is about how I am going to serve him in some way. Texts about school meetings for our son goes unanswered. Texts about whether or not enough money will be in the account for me to go grocery shopping go unanswered. But my text indicating that our yard looks like trash because it needs to be mowed and that I would mow if I knew how to operate his lawn mower (my dad in my family generally mowed the yard) was answered speedily. Our neighbors have mowed their lawn about 4 times already and our yard had not been mowed since last fall. He did explain how the mower works. I tried to mow, but our grass was too high and his mower in such poor shape that I could only manage areas of the yard where the grass was not very high. It still is interesting to me that he will say, "Women can mow too." True. But doesn't that also mean that men can wash dishes? I asked him this and, of course, my question went unanswered. Finally, on Sunday, he mowed the front yard. The back is a jungle. Our yard isn't even that big.

On Wednesday, my husband came home with our son at 7:15pm. His bedtime is supposed to be 8pm. My husband didn't let me know they would be coming home late. I wait for my son to get home to eat dinner with him. I make sure he bathes. I clean the kitchen after we eat. I brush and floss our son's teeth before he goes to bed. My husband brought him home late and didn't left a pinky finger to help him eat, bathe, or get ready for bed. They were late because he went to see a private school to enroll our son into. Apparently, he now has money, enough to pay for private school tuition. Now he thinks private school is the answer. Not getting our son evaluated. Not any type of therapy. Just to enroll him into private school. I told him most private schools are run by churches. The website of the school my husband went to visit says that it is a faith-based, non-denominational Christian school. Their website also says that they don't have the staff who can work with kids who have serious special needs. Of course, my husband does not consider our son's autism, possible adhd, and intellectual disabilities to be serious. The school's website did not put much confidence in me that our son should be entrusted to them to be helped to make academic progress. Again, my husband couldn't give a single care about anything I say. None of my concerns are taken into account. None of my thoughts are respected. He went to visit the school without me. He doesn't want me to be involved and he is excluding me from the decision making process entirely.

The way my husband talks to me is so disrespectful, so rude, so unkind, so demeaning. On Thursday, he messaged me, "Come get [our son] now. I have an appt to be somewhere at 1pm." He sent me the message and hour before 1 pm. He expects me to be at his disposal at any and all times. There is no, "There's been a change in plans. Do you think you could get here within the hour to pick up our son?" There is no, "Please come pick up our son. I had to schedule an appointment. Let me know." And really, something so urgent would have warranted a phone call because sending messages, you never know when someone will actually read the message. He is just very immature and uunreasonable.

A few weeks ago, our son's online school scheduled and ARD meeting for us. It's was scheduled for today at 2pm. I signed into the meeting early. My husband didn't show up. I called my husband. No answer. I messaged my husband, no answer. At one point I got a call from his number but when I answered there was no reply. Around 2:20, I heard a knock on our front door. It was my husband with our son. He was acting like he didn't even remember the ARD meeting. Then he claimed he did not have the meeting link (they e-mailed the link a few weeks ago). The woman had actually just sent him a link only minutes prior and I messaged him of that fact. It seemed like he was intentionally trying to miss the meeting. Hopefully, our son can get a decent education while a peaceful atmosphere at home is maintained. I work overtime to keep as much peace as possible. I swallow a lot. I turn the other cheek a lot. I work around a lot. I don't want our son to be in the midst of constant arguing. I don't want him to be in a state of constant fear and stress which is very possible if you are married to a narc and trying to raise a child with said narc.

[moonlight-at-dawn]

they aren't planning to stop my coverage, but gdi, can rx insurance stop sticking their nose into my fucking care???

I'm taking fucking low dose norco/vicodin. Nothing major. Leave me alone.

Also:

Non script meds like Tylenol, Advil, Aleve - Tylenol only works as a supplement to the norco, i can take it between doses and get a better effect, but on its own it's useless. The other two rec'd here are NSAIDs and I have ulcers so no go

Non-opioids like lidocaine or NSAIDs - I've tried lidocaine, doesn't really work. Recommending NSAIDs twice is annoying, because again, I CAN'T

Phys therapy and exercise. PT is expensive and health insurance only covers a limited amount, not enough to get me fully on my feet before my yearly benefits run out. Oh, and the most effective kind for my situation, aquatic pt, isn't covered. Which i found out the hard way several years ago when I'd done several appts and suddenly my claims for all those were rejected and i owed over a grand to my dr. Never again. Fuck you. Fuck you for even reminding me of it. Fuck you fuck you fuck you. "Exercise" is great and all, but w/o professional guidance, I'm more likely to hurt myself, so again, fuck you

CBT - tried it, doesn't work for my pain

Some meds used for depression or seizures. - you are my rx company. I realize this is a scripted letter, but seriously, again, fuck you. I'm on pregabalin and escitalopram. I've been on gabapentin and duoloxetine and others in the past. You should know this. You should know ALL OF THIS. Fuck you for recommending i do the things I've tried over the past decade. Fuck you fuck you fuck you

I wish rx companies understood how fucking infuriating and insulting these letters are. I want to give them horrible paper cuts with this letter then sprinkle lemon juice and salt on the cuts. They can go fuck themselves with this shitty ass letter.

[drowningwavez]

Made it to my sisters with my cat. So anxious my cat will destroy something she was so scared when we first got here she’s visited them before but they’ve moved so it’s a new house so she was scared but she’s been so brave tonight exploring now the kids are asleep.

So much trauma has been triggered this last fortnight. Seeing my mum in hospital was triggering just being in a hospital and triggered some childhood trauma. Then my mum mentioned this ladies name which I’d blocked out the childhood trauma of till she mentioned it now it’s been all bought back up 😭😭😭I didn’t have enough time to talk about it in therapy today as most of the appt was talking about my fucking mum and ndis shit that is stressing me out majorly.

I took my antipsychotic tonight I just have to get through to Monday they confirmed the admission is Monday. Idk if he’ll want to recommence ect or what but we’ll see I might just go in for a week to ‘reset’ . I don’t plan on staying very long the beauty is I can discharge when I want. And also so I can see my dr for free instead of paying $350-$400 to see him outpatient. I’m going to ask if we can increase the antipsychotic idk if it can go up and whether it comes in a depot as that would really help me as when the voices are loud like atm I stop my meds and if I’m doing good I stop them too. So a depot would really help that. But I think it’s too new to have that yet…

[eatdrinkandburyme]

my plan for this psych appt is to say "hang on I have a question for you before we get started" and just find out if they can offer the types of therapy I want to do and if not then hang up

[megan-rambles]

27.5.24

After actually having a few good days at work on Friday/Saturday I log in today (despite telling myself not to because I knew I’d regret it) and seeing that I have to complete my “client care week” which I would have done of course anyway but before I was like if I don’t get all my GP letters done it’s no big deal as long as I have the handover documents ready but now I have the stress that I’ll be fucking audited 😡

AND a client that I literally haven’t seen in months (that likely will be presenting with intense grief due to the very high likelihood her father has died) just booked in for tomorrow because I had like one bloody cancellation and so I have to have the conversation like ok this is a one off session I don’t have capacity for any more which I sincerely hope she’s aware of!

Thankfully I have 2 weeks left and I wish I organised this better so I wasn’t so stressed towards the end however a. I had no idea how difficult it would be to just finish up with cases and b. I do feel like I was pushed to work even longer/harder than what I think is reasonable with this whole idea of taking someone on with the “assumption” that 6 weeks of therapy is enough and thankfully it’s worked out ok but I honestly think things needed to have slowed down a lot sooner.

Whatever, just got to get through these 2 weeks and once I wrap up everything i will feel calm -it still feels like an eternity and stressful because I feel like clients just seem to keep wanting to come back or just keep needing things and I just want people to stop needing things from me just because they can. Its my son that actually needs me so everyone else needs to fuck off!!

Anyway, a message to future Megan, DO NOT check halaxy or your emails under any circumstances at home, only at the clinic or in library on my admin days!!

Plan:

Print client list -label discharge or handover as I see them

and write GP letters for all those without future appts -basic without going into presentation, stating no future appts, will be going on mat leave

Write basic scaffold GP letters for clients left and have an option for discharge or handover - basic without going into presentation and stating: 1. Mat leave 2. Handover/discharge

Do the handover summaries as I go but on Tuesday the 11th finish up any handovers left and send off GP letters

Prioritise this over my training because worst comes to worst I can finish it when Bub is like 2-3 months before it expires