#i can feel my heartbeat | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sidekick-hero · 9 months ago

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The first time Steve feels Eddie's heartbeat, it's barely there. It's so faint that for an endless, terrifying moment, Steve thinks he's lost him.

That he's too late.

His fingers are on Eddie's neck, and there is so much blood that they keep slipping as he keeps searching for the reassuring thump-thump-thump of a pulse. Next to him, Dustin is sobbing and babbling, begging Steve to help Eddie, to save him. It brings tears to Steve's own eyes, the pain in Dustin's voice too much for him to bear. He shouldn't have left them alone, he should have come back sooner, he should have been better.

When he can't find what he's looking for, Steve presses his ear to Eddie's chest, desperate for some sign that he's not too late, that he hasn't failed his friends. That he hasn't let Eddie down.

Steve wants to cry with relief when he feels it, barely perceptible, but there. Eddie's heartbeat is pounding in his veins, pumping blood to wounds that need to be tended to right away.

"Come on, man, you're going to be okay. Just stay with me, Eddie. I got ya, you'll be as good as new, I promise," Steve swears not only to Eddie, but to Dustin as well. Even to himself, because he wants to believe it, too. Has to believe it.

Brown eyes, glassy with pain and blood loss, slowly open and blink up at him. "Steve?"

"Yeah, it's me. The guy who told you not to be cute, not to be a hero, but of course you didn't listen, did you?"

Inexplicably, Eddie grins at his words and Steve sees a deep gash in his cheek.

"You think I'm cute," Eddie says, sounding pleased even though it's obvious how much talking hurts him. It's easy to agree with him in this moment, anything to make Eddie happy and stop him from arguing.

"So cute, I'm going to sweep you off your feet now, Eddie." And with that, he scoops Eddie up in his arms, wincing at the way he whimpers in pain. "You gotta hang in there, yeah?"

Steve stumbles toward the trailer, wondering how he's going to get Eddie through the portal, almost missing when Eddie says quietly, "I'll try.”

They make it to the hospital, just barely. The doctors whisk Eddie away before Steve can check his heartbeat again, and he can't get his mind to stop its panicked mantra of too late, too late, too late. It's like his mind refuses to believe they made it without any tangible proof.

So later, when Eddie is out of surgery but still not allowed visitors, Steve sneaks into his room when no one is looking. Eddie's uncle is not there yet, and the room is eerily quiet except for the steady beeping of the heart monitor.

It should be enough to reassure Steve that Eddie is, if not okay, at least alive.

But he isn't.

It's only with his ear pressed to Eddie's chest and hearing the rhythmic and steady beating of his heart that Steve is finally able to take a breath and let the tension seep out of his exhausted body. All he wants right now is to crawl onto the bed and let the sound lull him to sleep.

They almost lost Eddie. Steve almost lost Eddie.

It is with a mixture of surprise and confusion that he realizes just how much the thought hurts.

The next time Steve feels Eddie's heartbeat, it's not through his chest, but through the pulse in his veins.

This thing between them was so new and exciting, and Steve really had no idea what he was doing. Only that since that moment in the Upside Down when he had first pressed his ear to Eddie's chest and felt the faint beating of his heart against his cheek, something had changed.

Not even in a monumental way. It wasn't something Steve could have put his finger on at first.

But something had changed.

There was a new awareness of Eddie in Steve's mind, a space carved out just for the other boy. Like a beacon sending out signals, Steve always knew where Eddie was in a room and what he was doing.

And then there was this current that ran between them. Every time their bodies so much as brushed against each other, Steve could feel it. Sparks of electricity and heat coursing through his veins.

It was both heady and intense, making Steve wonder when he would reach his breaking point, unable to take it anymore, and finally act on it.

In the end, it was Eddie who snapped, kissing Steve with lips that tasted of cheap beer and the grilled cheese sandwiches Steve had made for them. But Steve returned it eagerly, licking happily into Eddie's mouth while his hands had cupped Eddie's face, holding him as if he were precious.

One thing led to another, and soon Steve had Eddie spread out on his sheets, the scars on his body like wildflowers blooming in the aftermath of life's wildfires. Each mark a testament to the battles he fought and the strength that ran through him like roots anchoring a majestic tree. Because he survived, he fought to stay with them, and only because of his strength is Steve allowed to hold him now.

That's why he made sure to caress each and every scar with his hands and mouth, baring his own heart in the process.

When his lubed finger first entered Eddie's body, Steve was as overwhelmed as Eddie, both men needing to catch their breath as their hearts thundered in their chests. At first Steve thought it was his own heart beating so hard he could feel his pulse in his finger. But then he realized it was Eddie's wild heart beating against Steve's finger inside him in a loving embrace.

Steve never knew that he would ever feel someone else's heart so intimately. That he would be able to feel it's rhythm from inside another's body, as if he was holding Eddie's heart in his own hands.

And when he finally sank into him, Steve lay still for a plethora of eternities, reveling in the sensation of Eddie's heartbeat welcoming him home.

Even though Steve wouldn't be able to say those words aloud for another two months, he knew that what they had done that day was love.

The day Steve finally finds the words to say how he feels about him, he can feel Eddie's heart saying it right back to Steve's palm on his chest.

They've been dating for two months now, and though they have to be careful in a way Steve has never had to be before, he wouldn't trade it for the world. Not if it meant falling asleep in Eddie's arms and waking up to the sight of his boyfriend's nose scrunched up adorably as his wild curls tickle it where they don't spill across the pillow they share.

Steve hasn't said them yet, those three words he's only said to one other person, but he tells Eddie every day in his own way. A million little things, from lingering touches to meals prepared to comfortable silences shared.

He tells Eddie he loves him every day when he puts his head on Eddie's chest to feel his heart beat in that steady, rhythmic way that says he's alive. That there is a future, not an almost, but a maybe. A hopefully.

Eddie always lets him, holding still when Steve pushes him down and climbs on top of him so he can lie comfortably and listen to his favorite sound inside Eddie's body. If Vecna were still alive, which fortunately he isn't, Eddie's heartbeat would be the song that could save Steve.

As they lay there, Eddie kept tapping his own rhythm on Steve's back. It's always the same, a song Steve doesn't recognize but has come to love as much as anything else about this impossible man beneath him.

On this particular day, Steve has just finished folding laundry when the doorbell rings. He drops the sweater he's been holding and goes to the door, wondering who it could be. Robin was on a trip with her parents and the kids had school. He and Eddie would see each other tonight at the trailer, have a quick and early dinner before Wayne had to go to work, and he and Eddie would spend the rest of the evening satisfying the ever-present hunger for each other.

When he opens his front door, he's surprised to see Eddie standing there, but one look at his face is enough to tell Steve that something is wrong. He quickly pulls Eddie inside and closes the door before wrapping his boyfriend in his arms.

"What happened, baby?" He asks in a soft voice, feeling Eddie tremble in response. Steve knows that Eddie had a job interview today, down at the new record store, and he was so excited about it. The owner, Stuart, was new in town, so he didn't know who Eddie was or what people thought about him. It was the fresh start Eddie so desperately needed in a town that never quite let him forget that in their eyes he's still a murderer and a freak.

A growing pit in Steve's stomach tells him that some people had been forthcoming enough to tell Stuart all about Eddie before today's interview.

"Was it the interview? Did Stuart not hire you?"

Eddie shakes his head silently, and Steve thinks it's as much an answer to his question as it is Eddie asking not to have to talk about it. Steve understands. When things get too much, too overwhelming, Eddie goes silent. It takes time for him to find his voice, and Steve has learned to give him that time.

He begins to rock him gently, humming a song to himself as he holds Eddie in his arms.

Steve doesn't know how much time passes before Eddie finally lifts his head from where it was buried in Steve's neck to look at him.

"Cyndi Lauper, really?" Eddie teases, and even though it still sounds a bit weak, Steve takes it as a win.

Still rocking gently, Steve puts his hand on Eddie's chest just above his heart.

"What can I say, it makes me think of you." And Steve begins to sing, his voice soft as his eyes never leave Eddie's.

You with the sad eyes, don't be discouraged

Oh, I realize

It's hard to take courage, in a world full of people

You can lose sight of it all

And the darkness inside you can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors shining through

I see your true colors

And that's why I love you

And because he can't let Eddie have the slightest doubt about what Steve is trying to tell him, he says it again: "That's why I love you, Eddie."

Under his palm, Eddie's heart is still beating strong and sure, faster than usual, and Steve wonders if that means he's excited or scared by Steve's words.

The look in his eyes tells Steve it's the former.

Eddie's hand settles over Steve's on Eddie's chest and he begins to tap it gently in a rhythm that Steve has become familiar with.

Tap tap pause long tap, short tap, long tap, short tap, short tap, short tap, long tap, long tap pause long tap, short tap, long tap, long tap, short tap, short tap, long tap, short tap, long tap, long tap.

"That's how my heart would beat for you if it could, Stevie, spelling the same thing over and over again."

And he repeats the rhythm again, as if it meant something. Spelling the same thing...

"Is that... Eddie, is that Morse code?"

"I keep telling you, you're a lot smarter than you think you are, sweetheart. Want to know what it says?"

Steve thinks he knows, but he wants to hear Eddie say it, so he nods.

"I," Eddie says and taps Steve's hand twice on his chest.

"Love," he adds and follows with a series of taps, long, short, long, short, short, short, long, long.

"You," he finishes and Steve's smile widens with each tap of his hand. Long, short, long, long, short, short, long, short, long, long.

Eddie has been tapping those words against his skin since the first time they made love.

"You've been telling me that all along," he marvels, his voice full of wonder and love.

Eddie finally kisses him, painfully tender. "My heart has been trying to tell you ever since you started listening to it."

And Steve thinks maybe Eddie is right, it just took him a little while to understand its language.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #steddie fanfiction #steddie fluff #steddielovemonth #day 8 #Love is the heartbeat I can feel when I hug him #nsft #My writing

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