#i can do most machines by myself the only things id need someone to explain exercises are the bench press-like exercises bc ive never done

[evadingreallife]

Me: goes to the gym

The gym policies: give us more €€€ to develop a customized exercise plan

Also me: mmnah *wanders through the gym equipment through the tried and true 'fuck around and find out' method*

[autumnbrambleagain]

honestly miss me with any magic system that doesn't describe the qualia of what it is to use magic in that system

oh what in DnD you "study and write spells in a book" and "read the spell each morning" okay what the fuck does the spell look like. what does it feel like to cast a spell. why does it require intelligence why does it require research.

it's why in UWi academic magic (academagic) works on every spell being a literary essay on reality as fiction making some kind of point of why something should be possible and its conclusion statement is how you cast the spell. you recite the argument to the World and the World goes "hmmm, well argued, that broken teacup is now repaired again"

magic in ancient mythology was never really a metaphor for academic 6-year colleges they didn't have that until fairly recently as a concept and learning and education was always a separate track from magic which was always

emotive, innate,

in the Oldenenen Tymes a wizard didn't study 30 pages of nonsense and then they could control your mind, a person Was Magic and could control your mind

but also magic was religious rituals you performed to get a god's attention,

but also magic was folk rituals and superstitions, if you put a horseshoe on your door a fairy can't get in; if you had a stick in the right shape you could find water

modern post-tolkein wizards are so fucking BORING. oh yes i went to magic academy and learned magic so now i can do three spells; fireball, laser beam, and flying. when i level up i can arbitrarily learn bigger fireball which i can't learn right now for no explained reason.

it's why in uwi like why can't y ou cast high level spells early on? because you're starting off with high school level literary essays and then you're trying to jump into fucking Derrida. you can't do it my man you are just starting to cast spells like "id/ego/superego symbolism in lord of the flies" and you aren't jumping from that to "the author as unconscious writing machine vs. art as a lens for the viewer" in one day you gotta know what you're talking about

uwi's academagic is basically a parody of post-tolkein magic systems but also a parody of academia but also a functional system of how you can do magic through literary essays it's fun it's fine. like most of the things we do it's a deconstruction a parody a satire a commentary on things

the fucking bizarre DnD dissonance of magic being the rare thing owned only by the few who have the brain for it but also you stumble over magic potions and scrolls and weapons constantly

but gandalf mcellminster over here's level 3 and he can cast 3 magic missiles a day what the fuck does that even mean. why is all your magic ways to kill people fuck off

there's two settings we keep working on internally and one is a failed succession metasetting where the "magic" is "we are all self-aware self-narrating concepts being poorly moderated by the world consciousness; time and verisimilitude is broken and effect follows cause only by convincing argument. everything we do is magic. i forgot to give myself the need to eat and until someone presents me with sufficient symbolism to counter it i don't need food at all."

and the other is a more grounded fucked up glamtasy world where magic is "which kind of magic there's like 800 different ways you can do weird shit which weird shit can you do and how are you doing it"

the worldbuilding anyway should only be a part worldbuilding only exists best for when it's to tell stories with but the worldbuilding itself can be part of the story when it's a commentary a reference to a greater literary body and itself part of that commentary

which is also how magic works in uwi

i have a fucking masters degree and this is all it's good for anyway if you read this make sure to comment bob's gang below and like rate and subscribe and we'll see you next time on animal crossing channel

[watchmegetobsessed]

SAFE AND SOUND

a/n: this one took a little longer to write, but im so happy its finally finished! its not what i originally planned, i started a whole different plot but hated it so started again, but i might go back to the first story, so maybe more bodyguard!harry content is gonna come! anyway, hope you’ll enjoy this one!

pairing: Bodyguard!Harry X Reader

warning: use of weapon (no one dies), mentioning of cancer (no one is sick), sexual content

word count: 9.1k

masterlist

“This is not up for discussion, Y/N. What you are doing and what you are about to achieve soon might upset a lot of people that hold great power. We can’t just assume you’ll be fine, walking around like anyone else in the world.”

Your boss, Julian explains it to you, leaning onto his desk, trying his best to keep his cool about your protest to get you a guard to watch out for you and keep you safe. It’s been an ongoing struggle and fight you two have been having these past weeks and it became a burning situation since you’ve made some major progress in your project.

“I’m not some kind of royalty to have security with me all the time,” you grumble rolling your eyes.

“Not just royalties have guards, Y/N. Just accept it, that you’re valuable, your work is very important not just to our company but to the whole world. Do you not realize how big it is? You are close to having the cure to cancer, Y/N! You can easily get a Nobel-prize for that!”

“I know that it’s important, but no one knows me, no one will see me on the street and know who I am or what I do!”

“It’s not about the people on the street. The world is a dark place, darker than you could imagine. Please, just… I want to know that you’re safe.”

Staring back at him with your arms folded on your chest you contemplate his words. You can see the rationality in his words, it’s just that you don’t want to break your routine, you don’t want people around you all the time, you don’t want to end your privacy like that. But Julian is right, your work is important and there have already been a few attempts to steal your researches, but they miserably failed. However that doesn’t mean they will be stopped the next time as well.

“One guard,” you speak up. “Just one. I’m not gonna have a whole fucking team,” you tell him raising your eyebrows. He lets out a relieved sigh, a tiny smile tugging on his lips.

“I was hoping you’d say that.” Reaching out to the phone he presses the buzzer that signals to his assistant, Monica outside and a few moments later she walks in, accompanied with a tall, suited man, his green eyes immediately falling to you upon entering the room.

“Y/N, I took the courage to pick him out for you myself. This is Harry Styles, the best you can find in the city if not in the country,” Julian introduces him as he pushes himself away from his giant mahogany desk, walking closer to the man as they shake hands firmly. You stand up from the armchair you’ve been sinking into these past ten minutes and unsurely hold out your hand to the man.

“Harry Styles, pleasure to meet you,” he introduces himself, a thick British accent lacing through his voice and the way his green irises stare back at you, you can feel your heart fluttering in your chest. Mr. Styles is undeniably the most charming and handsome man you’ve ever met, with his perfectly carved cheekbones and chiseled jawline, pink lips and those enchanting green eyes framed by his thick lashes. There’s something in his appearance, something feminine, but still, he holds so much masculinity at the same time, it’s hard not to be enamored by him.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” you mumble your name, shaking his hand slightly before letting go of it.

“Details about your cooperation have already been discussed with the security agency and us, but of course, your word is what counts, so we’ll walk over the whole plan with you as well,” Julian explains to you and you nod shortly.

The three of you move to the conference room and the next hour goes by with working those so called details out, some of them are ridiculous, some of them you can get used to, at the end you are left with a somewhat bearable plan, but one thing is for sure. Harry Styles will be a big part of your life from now on.

THREE MONTHS LATER

The tiny pack of sugar tears open in your hands, but you put too much effort into it so the countertop is now covered with the content of the pack instead of ending up in your paper cup.

“Fuck,” you growl, dumping the empty pack into the trash before grabbing another one, hoping it won’t end up the same way.

“Let me help you,” a smooth, male voice speaks up next to you and Harry grabs the pack from your hands as he places his own coffee to the counter. You let him tear the pack open easily, pouring the sugar into your drink without problem before he puts the lid back to your cup.

“Thank you,” you mumble, closing your tired eyes for a split second. You’ve been overworking way too much these past weeks, it’s starting to shut your system down, but you don’t want to rest, not when you’re so close to finishing your project.

The past two weeks have been major, you finally made the progress you’ve been working towards for months now, letting you step into the last phase of your work finally. But it’s been a quite stressful time as you’ve been eager to finish as soon as possible, but that meant little to no time spent outside of your lab.

Harry shoots you a reassuring smile before you both grab your drinks and head out of the café in the direction of your workplace.

The past three months were one hell of a ride when it comes to Harry. You didn’t hide your dislike towards his continuous presence in your life, standing by your side wherever you went. It frustrated you, made you feel like you didn’t have your freedom any longer even though he never did anything to make you hate him. He was considerate, respectful and only wanted to do his job, yet you still gave him a hard time at the beginning, right until the need for his work was proved.

Two months ago someone broke into your apartment while you were out, they searched through the whole place, looking for something. Well, not just something, they were clearly interested in anything connected to your research, but luckily, you’re not dumb enough to just let these stuff lay around your home.

Even though you didn’t encounter the person responsible for it, the incident still shook your up. Knowing that someone could get into your personal space so easily, that they could have come at a time when you were home and vulnerable, it scared you. Harry was the person that eased the worry and fear in you, he took care of everything in an instant and upon his best advice, you moved to a new apartment with a higher security level. He even moved to the place next to yours so he could be as close to you as possible at all times. There was a much needed shift in your relationship after that and you didn’t see him as an intruder any longer in your life, but more as a hero.

“So would you like Italian or Mexican tonight for dinner?” Harry asks as the two of you enter the building, using your IDs you go through the massive security gates, the guards in post nodding in your way.

“Isn’t it your night to choose?” you smile at him sideways as you wait for the elevator.

“Okay, then Thai,” he smirks, making you laugh. “Hope you are not planning on eating it here again,” he gives you a warning look and you purse your lips.

“I have a lot to do, and—“

“Y/N, you need to rest sometimes,” he scolds you as if you were just a child.

“I do rest. Sometimes,” you answer with an innocent look as the elevator’s door slides open and you walk in with Harry following you right behind.

“Like once a week? Do you even sleep when you’re at home?”

“I do! Don’t make me look like I’m some kind of crazy workaholic!”

“I’m just worried about you, is all,” he sighs, giving you a hard look.

“Oh, Mr. Styles. If I didn’t know you better I would think you might have a soft spot for me,” you smirk at him teasingly before the elevator arrives to your floor and you walk out without a word. Harry just stares after you with a small smile tugging on his lips as he thinks about your words. It’s funny, especially because you both know something more than just a professional relationship has been going on between the two of you, only dancing around it as the situation is a little too complicated to address now.

It’s not like any rules are tying you down, but you would rather not mix up work with your private life. You might have feelings for Harry, but you refuse to act up on them until he is out of his duty as your personal guard.

Your days are usually the same. While you lock yourself up in your lab, working with no end, Harry stay either with you in there or he hovers around the door, keeping an eye on everyone and everything. Just the thought of his presence never fails to bring you a sense of comfort, knowing that you don’t have to worry about your safety until he is near. It might seem nerdy, but you can easily get lost in your work. It doesn’t feel like a job, growing up with parents who were excellent doctors and pharmacists themselves, you were doomed to be a science enthusiast yourself from the beginning. Learning has never been a task for you but a gift, as you liked to look at it.

Working overtime happens often because you lose touch with time easily once you get down to work. Nothing exists outside of your lab and you hardly realize how late it is until Harry usually warns you.

“I didn’t joke when I said I didn’t want to have dinner in here,” he steps into your sanctuary while you’re in the middle of running tests for the millionth time today. Pushing your glasses up to the top of your head while the machines are buzzing and whirling, you look up at him with a tired smile.

“Let me just… finish this one last test and then I promise we’ll head out.”

“Alright, but I’m watching you. No more tests,” he warns, sitting on one of the stools while you finish what you started.

Harry never really asked you about your work, for a while you weren’t even sure if he knows what you’re doing and why it’s so important. It was never discussed at the beginning and he never brought it up later either. But judging from the time he spends near you at the lab he must have picked up a few things about it surely.

The machines stop working and the tiny beeping sound signals that the results are out. You grab the long printed paper and start scanning the data, chewing on your bottom lip as you hope to find what you’ve been looking for all day. The numbers are coming in great, but it’s been like this for a while, it’s the end that never matches up with your expectations. So when you get there and see the graphs showing the result that you’ve been dreaming of since the start of the whole project years ago, your mouth falls open in disbelief even though it’s what you’ve been working for all this time.

“Oh my God,” you whisper.

“What?” Harry’s head snaps up in alert, jumping off the stool.

“I… I did it,” you breathe out, glancing up from the paper. “It’s my first time succeeding, Harry!” you start laughing, the shock taking over your whole body that you really did it this time.

“And what does that mean?”

“Come on, let me show you,” you tell him in excitement, pulling him over to the computer where you pull up all the data you’ve been working on. A virtual version of a cell comes up on the screen as you start typing, modelling what you want to show him. “This is a completely healthy cell, it’s what you are made of too, mostly,” you ass with a chuckle before another cell comes up on the screen. “And this is what cells that are affected by cancer look like.”

The difference is a lot more complicated than what you can explain to him in such a short time, but he can see it with his own eyes. The color, the shape, everything is different from the first one. Harry examines the screen and nods shortly, letting you know that he is following.

“I’ve been working on a substance that is able to not just detect the cancerous cells but it can also kill it effectively without hurting the healthy ones.”

You bring up the virtualized version of the substance you’ve been working on, a short animation showing how it can tell the two cells apart and only attack the cancerous one.

“I haven’t been able to get the numbers above 60% when it comes to succeeding in the process of selection so my whole project was about finding a solution to that. I’ve been trying to find the right substance to mix with our already existing one to solve the problem, but I haven’t been successful in it.”

“I assume until now,” Harry hum and you nod smirking.

“Yeah. The last test results came back very good, quite promising. It’s still not the end of the process, but it’s a huge step.”

“That’s great,” he smiles at you and though you know he probably understands just a fracture of the whole process, he can still figure out how important it is. “Congrats, Y/N.” “Thanks,” you breathe out, pride filling your chest as you shut the computer off. “I guess this is my cue to end the day,” you smile at him before packing up everything, getting ready to finally leave.

It’s not the first time Harry is spending the evening at your place. You often have dinner together, or watch a movie whenever you get home early enough to do that. Through the time you’ve spent together because of his job you’ve grown to be friends above everything. Good ones, in fact, which is a big deal for you since making friends has never been an easy task for you.

You bought takeout on the way home and as Harry set the table you poured yourself a glass of wine, knowing well Harry would never drink when he is on duty and he is basically working all the time he is with you, so you’re drinking alone. You both sit to the dining table, starting dinner together in a comfortable silence. It’s another thing you appreciate about Harry. He doesn’t try to talk when it’s not necessary, you hate small talk, you’d rather sit in silence than talk about something nonsense and Harry is a partner in that.

“When do you need to leave work tomorrow to get to the party on time?” he asks breaking the silence and you freeze. His eyes fall on you, examining your features for a moment before he smirks. “You forgot about it?”

“I just… thought it’s going to be next week,” you truthfully admit.

“We talked about it last week,” he smirks at you playfully. “And I told you it would be next week which is… this week.”

“I know how the days work, Harry,” you give him a look of ‘give me a break’ before you turn back to your food. “I just…”

“You just forgot it,” Harry finishes for you, and you just roll your eyes at him.

Glancing at him over the table you wonder if he’ll wear something different than is usual attire he always wears. Black suit with a white shirt underneath, the top two buttons left undone, giving you a tiny peek at the tattoos on his chest. You know those are not the only ones, you’ve seen him with the suit jacket off before, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up, his whole left arm is covered in ink and you wish you’ve had the chance to take a better look at them.

Harry is such an intriguing person in a lot of different ways. He definitely likes to keep things to himself, not one to ask for attention and it’s not just because of his work, it’s his personality. However he is good with people, interacting with them, being social. A skill you haven’t really mastered yourself yet and you probably never will. He always seems to know what to say, you’ve never seen him even the slightest bit anxious or nervous before, the confidence he holds is unmatched and it makes it hard to not think about him in ways you shouldn’t be.

After dinner he helps you clean up, just like he always does before heading out, but before he could leave he stops and turns back to face you.

“Oh, a friend of mine is visiting from the UK on Sunday. I already mentioned it to you before, but I was hoping I could get the afternoon off,” he wonders and you nod right away.

“Of course! I’ll be just fine at home,” you smile at him.

“Thank you,” he smiles back before walking out of your place at last.

Because of the party in the evening you are forced to stop working early the next day. It’s weird to leave the office in broad daylight, but you know today can’t be one of those days when you end up seeing the new day in the lab.

Harry was right yesterday, you completely forgot the whole party thing, meaning you didn’t plan anything ahead and you had nothing to wear, so through the day you called your sister, Mara to help you out. She was more than happy to lend you anything you needed. She meets you at the office, beaming to spend some time with you finally. It’s not that you don’t like her company, but you are quite different, is all. Your sister didn’t get sucked into the world of science, though she definitely has the bright mind to take up on any field she would want to explore. But she was more into the world of art, having written her first fantasy novel at the ripe age of twenty, she is now a bestseller author at only twenty-nine with a bubbly personality and basically every trait you never owned yourself.

“Harry! So nice to see you again!” Mara beams at the man as the three of you meet up at the lobby.

“Hi, Mara,” Harry smiles with a tiny nod.

“Alright, I have everything you could need so let’s head to yours!” your sister cheers before you make your way out to your cars.

Arriving to your home Harry splits from the two of you, letting you to get ready in peace and also to get ready himself. Mara didn’t joke when she said she has everything you need, the trunk of her car is basically filled with clothes and shoes, there’s no chance you won’t find something to wear tonight.

She orders you to take a quick shower as she unpacks everything she brought and when you emit from a cloud of steam with a towel wrapped around your body and one on your head, Mara gets down to work.

“So do you have a date for today?” she curiously asks while she does your makeup.

“Huh, yeah, sure,” you huff ironically. “It’s just gonna be Harry and me.”

“So Harry is your date?” her ears perk up, but you’re quick to protest.

“Of course not! He comes with me everywhere,” you mumble with your eyes closed as she is doing something on your eyelids.

“But it could be a date,” she offers and you huff in disagreement.

“You know that’s not how it works, Mara.”

“You are making it more complicated than it is! No one would blame you if you just… went for it! Harry is obviously an attractive guy.”

“Then maybe you should date him,” you bite back bitterly. Growing up you weren’t the boys’ favorite, they always paid all the attention to your sister. It’s not that you blame her or them, she always had a more capturing and lively personality that attracted people naturally. But it made you wonder if there was something wrong with you, spending all your time with your nose buried in a book or doing researches for fun while Mara was out with her friends, living her best life. Even her published books were inspired by her personal life experiences.

“Y/N,” she sighs, her hands leaving your face so you open your eyes to look at her disapproving expression. “You obviously like him so I would never do that and besides that, he for sure likes you too.”

“What’s not true,” you deny right away, but then you look at her curiously. “But why would you think that?”

Mara smirks at you tilting her head to the side, seeing right through your act that you’re not interested in Harry. Of course you are, but you choose to keep it at bay for the sake of his job.

“Y/N, I see how that man watches every move you make. It’s written all over his handsome face.”

“Of course he watches my every move, that’s his job!”

“No, it’s different. You’ll see it sooner or later,” she smiles before ordering you to close your eyes again so she can finish your makeup.

Mara does wonders to your looks, the makeup look she does on you already makes a huge difference since you don’t bother to do anything on your every days. But she didn’t stop there, she made your hair look like you just stepped off of the pages of a magazine and the dress the two of you chose was the cherry on the top. The emerald green dress was tight around your curves, showing just enough of your body to be still considered modest, but also have some spice. And though there are a lot of advantages of the dress, your first and most important thought (to you at least) was how well it goes with the color of Harry’s eyes.

“I’m a genius,” Mara sighs satisfied with her work as you slip on the pair of nude heels and put your necessities into the little clutch you’re taking with you. Just when you’re gone with everything, the doorbell rings and your heart jumps in your chest, knowing that Harry is standing on the other side of the door.

“I’ll get it for you,” Mara smiles rushing to the door as you walk into the hallway, standing a few feet behind her so as she opens the front door and Harry comes into view, over Mara’s shoulder his eyes easily find your figure standing there, feeling a little awkward and self-conscious, like you are about to go to prom with your crush. Difference is that you are not a teenager anymore and you aren’t going anywhere together together. Tonight is just work for him.

But as his bright green eyes fall on your frame and you see his lips slightly part, you can’t help but allow yourself to think for a moment that it’s more than just work. That he feels the same way about it as you do. Though you don’t voice your hopes and just smile at him faintly, hoping you don’t look completely ridiculous in your outfit.

“Harry, come on in!” Mara invites him into the apartment and he walks in, wearing his usual black suit with the difference of having a tie on around his neck, his white shirt is appearing neat and crispy and his sometimes unruly curls are now gently combed back a little so his curls are not falling into his forehead.

“Hi,” you smile at him nervously fumbling with your clutch as he takes a few steps closer to you.

“Hi. You look… beautiful,” he smiles back at you a little breathlessly as he takes a respectful look down your body before his green irises meet your gaze again.

“Thank you. You look great too,” you chuckle softly. “Should we… head out?”

“Yeah, sure!” he nods, offering you his arm and you link your arm with his instantly, hoping you won’t trip in your heels. “Lock the door when you leave, Mara, alright?” you call out to your sister who is watching you smiling.

“Sure! Have fun!”

You wave at her one last time before walking out and shutting the door closed behind you.

This party is held every year at Pharma-Z, mostly this is the time when the brain meets the money. Investors and funders like to meet the people behind the million dollars researches from time to time and this is the occasion where both sides show up. Julian always asks you to be social and try to mingle, but the whole thing feels forced and painful for you. You’d rather just be left alone with your researches and projects without having to schmooze to the people who give you the money for your hard work.

It’s held at one of said investors’ luxurious penthouse, that doesn’t even look like someone’s home with the huge outdoors infinity pool, the spacious and modern interiors and the expensive looking decoration that was put up just for the occasion.

“Y/N! I’m so happy you are here!” Julian approaches you with a drink in his hands and you’re happy to see a familiar face in the crowd. You don’t really know others from work, only your little team you directly work with and of course, your boss, Julian.

“It’s not like I had a choice,” you chuckle giving him a short, friendly hug. Julian is far from a nightmare of a boss some people have to face at their job. He is an actually nice and very smart and intellectual person. The pharmaceutical industry can be harsh and dark, the competition between the businesses is way more intent than people think. This is why you need the protection. Some companies profit off of the fact that cancer has no cure yet. They make money from all the treatments that doesn’t even guarantee full recovery. A lot of big fish don’t want the cure, because that would make them lose a good chunk of their income and some of those would even go to the depth of hurting you for being so close to ruining their business with your invention. Pharma-Z is luckily a genuine company that wants to help sick people and that’s why you’re working there.

“You know how important it is for the company,” Julian sighs, but he understands how uncomfortable these events make you feel, though he can do nothing to help you. “Harry, nice to see you again,” he smiles at the man by your side.

“Julian, nice to see you too,” he nods, shaking hands with your boss.

“Mingle a little so people can see and meet you, alright?” Julian requests and you just nod silently before he moves on to the next group of people.

You get yourself a drink to ease your nerves a little as people start approaching you. Some of them you’ve met last year, but there are a lot of new faces. Your project has brought in quite a few new sponsors and investors and now they want to meet you and talk about the research their money is going into.

You try your best to keep a smile plastered across your face as you tell the people the same thing over and over again, receiving praise and compliments on your work before moving onto the next conversation just to start over again.

You can feel your social batteries running out, not sure you can put up with another conversation with a wealthy investor who wants you to know you have a job because they gave money for your project in hopes of you bringing more money to them.

Harry has stayed by your side the whole evening, and you didn’t notice but he kept examining you every few minutes to make sure you were holding up and he noticed how tired you’ve grown from socializing for so long.

“Y/N,” he softly calls out, his palm finding the small of your back. “Why don’t we get some fresh air?” he kindly offers and you immediately understand that he is trying to get you away from the guests and the overwhelming conversations you’ve been dealing with. Nodding you let him usher you outside, finding a spot where the two of you can be a little alone.

“I fucking… hate small talks and being nice to everyone,” you let out a long and heavy sigh, as you lean against the railing, paying just one short glance at the city’s bright lights under your feet. Harry chuckles shortly.

“I figured. You’ve been chewing your lips so hard I was afraid you’d start bleeding.”

Now that he has brought your attention to it, you realize you are doing it again, so you let go of your bottom lip from between your teeth and it brings out another chuckle from Harry.

“I’m just… not good with these… social stuff.”

“I disagree with that,” he hums, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Oh please, if you haven’t realized it, my number of zero friends is a tell, I think.”

“Come on, it’s not zero. You’re friends with Mara.”

“But family doesn’t count, she is kind of forced to be my friend,” you shrug, making him laugh.

“Okay, but I’m your friend too, aren’t I?” You furrow your eyebrows at him.

“You spend time with me because it’s your job.”

His eyes soften on you as he leans against the railing next to you, looking so effortlessly handsome and charming, you almost need to take a deep breath at the sight of him. And the cheeky smile on his pink lips is definitely not helping your case.

“I know you didn’t mean that. You’re a smart woman, Y/N.” Reaching out he tugs a loose strand of hair behind your ear as he inches closer a tiny bit. “I think we stepped over the line of just work.”

“So… you consider me your friend?” you ask shyly.

“If you have to ask maybe I’ve been doing something wrong,” he chuckles softly, making you smile too. Folding your arms a shiver runs down your spine from the cold evening breeze. “Are you cold?” Harry asks, but before you could even say a word, he shrugs his jacket off and drapes it over your shoulders.

“Oh, thank you,” you breathe out shyly.

“Do you want another drink?”

“Yeah, I think I might need another one,” you chuckle and nodding he tells you to just stay there until he gets you a new one.

Turning towards the view, you enjoy the lonely moments for a little, not too keen on going back inside and keep up the façade of interest any longer. You’d rather just head home, maybe have another drink with Harry on your couch while you watch a rerun of whatever show is on TV and then fall asleep after a hot shower. You’ve been working way too much lately and it’s just now crashing down on you. Next week you definitely should cut back on your hours at the lab, the project is already going amazing, it won’t hurt if you actually had some rest before you lose your mind.

You hear footsteps approaching you and you think it’s Harry returning, but as you turn around you are faced with a stranger, a man who is staring down at you with bloodshot eyes and… a gun pointed at you.

Your breath hitches, your blood freezing in your veins at the sight and your legs almost give up underneath you.

“What… who are you?” Your voice comes out as a whisper, tears already flooding your eyes as you melt against the railing as if you had anywhere to go, but you have no chance against him.

One glance at the gun allows you to see that it has a silencer on, with the music coming from inside and no one around, if he shoots you, he’ll be able to get away before anyone realizes what happened.

The man doesn’t answer, just holds up the gun, aiming right at your chest and you close your eyes, thinking that this is it. This is how your life ends, in the middle of a posh party with no one around to help you. Your lips are trembling and hands are shaking as you hold onto the railing, waiting for the inevitable to come, keeping your eyes shut, not wanting to see your killer as the last thing you see before you go.

And then you hear the muffled gunshot, making you scream in fear, your knees turning into jelly, but the pain never comes. Instead, you hear grunting and growling as a body falls to the ground in front of you.

Your eyes snap open and you see Harry straddling the man, the gun lying near your attacker’s hand and he is trying to reach it, but before he could, you kick it away as Harry throws a punch at his face that stops him from trying too hard to free himself.

The next few moments are so busy and blurry at the same time. Your legs give up underneath you, making you fall to the ground, your whole body shaking in waves. In the meantime Harry gets the man into a position where he can be easily controlled and people start flooding out at the scene, helping Harry while security working at the party take the man, the police already on its way.

When Harry can finally step back from the attacker, his eyes fall on your figure and he rushes over to you, kneeling down next to your trembling body, cradling you into his arms upon seeing how shaken up you are.

“Hey, it’s alright. It’s over, you’re alright,” he murmurs, holding you tight as your fists grab onto his shirt, your breathing is uneven, the oxygen barely makes its way into your lungs as you’re panting and gasping from the shock. “Come on, let’s get you inside, Y/N,” he gently tells you, helping you up from the floor even though your body feels like a pile of brick.

You can feel everyone staring at you, whispering behind your back as you try to hide in Harry’s arms while he walks you back inside, away from the man that tried to take your life. He walks you into one of the bathrooms and closing the lid he sits you down to the toilet while he grabs a towel and wetting it he kneels in front of you, tapping the cloth to your cheeks gently. You haven’t even realized that you’ve been sweating from the shock and the coldness feels amazing against your burning skin.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, but not even you are sure why.

“Nothing to be sorry for, Y/N,” he gently murmurs, giving your hand a squeeze as you shut your eyes closed. He grabs a glass from one of the cabinets and fills it with water handing it over to you.

“Thank you,” you mumble, bringing it to your trembling lips, but before you could drink it, your eyes snap up to meet his gaze. “And thank you for… what you did.” Your voice dies down at the end, the picture of the man pointing the gun at you still living so vividly in your mind.

“No need, it’s my job after all, right?” he chuckles softly, making your lips twitch the slightest bit before you start sipping on the water.

The police show up soon and they arrest the man who refuses to talk. They also request you to give your statement about what happened, but Harry manages to let you just give them the brief story and go in sometime soon to give them your full statement so you don’t have to spend any more time there. They are quite sure the man was hired by someone who doesn’t want you to finish your project, and it’s scary how far some people are willing to go just for the money, just to keep sick people in suffering for their own benefit.

Heading home you stay silent as Harry drives, staring out the window you let the nightlights of the city pass by you while you still see the same face, the face of the man that held a gun at you tonight. The gunshot is still ringing through your ears, it was so close, so real… of course it was real! All of it was real and your life was on the line. If it weren’t for Harry, you wouldn’t be here right now.

Arriving to your home Harry helps you out of the car and you cling onto his hand as you head up to the apartment. He keys the two of you into your home, flicking the lights on and looking around before you go further inside, just to be sure.

“It’s all clear, don’t worry,” he murmurs as you nod and make your way into the bedroom. Kicking your heels off your feet you sit on the edge of the bed, letting out a long breath, feeling your limbs loosening up a bit for the first time in the past hour.

Harry moves around the place doing whatever before he joins you in the room, kneeling in front of you his hands find your bare knees and your eyes meet his worry-filled green irises.

“Do you want to take a shower?” he softly asks and you nod your head. “Come on, I’ll start the water for you.”

He helps you up from the bed and walks you into the bathroom. You stand there awkwardly, not sure what to do as he starts running the water in the walk in shower before he steps back to you.

“Would you…?” you ask, turning around, needing help with the zipper of your dress. Harry clears his throat as his fingers work on it and a moment later the fabric loosens around your frame as you hold it to your chest with your arms. Turning back around you peek up at Harry and you notice the slight blush on his cheeks.

“I’ll be outside at the door, okay?” He whispers, his fingers delicately touching your cheek as you nod before you watch him walk out and close the door behind him.

The hot water feels freshening, like it could burn away the memories even though it’s still so vivid in your mind. You stand under the running water longer than you intended, but it feels nice and needed. Once you’re done, you wrap yourself into a fluffy towel and walk out of the steamy bathroom only to find Harry sitting at the edge of your bed, waiting like a loyal puppy. When he sees you, he stands from his spot and you don’t miss the way his eyes scan over your body that’s barely covered.

“Alright, I’ll go now, but if you—“ “Don’t!” you gasp, panic taking over you at the thought of being left alone. One of your hands grasps his arm to stop him from moving and he freezes in his spot, staring back at your fearful eyes. “Please, stay here,” you plead, voice barely over than just a whisper.

There’s a heartbeat of a pause in him as he is watching you intently and for a moment you think he’ll say no, but then his hand finds yours on his arm and he gives it a gentle squeeze as he nods.

“Okay.”

You let out a long, relieved breath as you ease into comfort. He’s staying, he’ll be with you all night, protecting you from everything and everyone.

“Can I take a shower too?” he asks softly and you nod, stepping to your wardrobe to get him a clean towel. “Thank you. I’ll be back shortly,” he tells you before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door closed behind him.

You hear the water running again and you find yourself standing at the same spot as you listen to the noises coming from the bathroom. Harry is in there, soaking under the water naked and you can’t take your mind off of how badly you want to be there with him.

It’s not just because of what happened tonight, though it made you realize that you don’t have much time to waste. Nothing can assure that you’ll live another day and you don’t want to deny happiness from yourself. You want to be with Harry and as far as you can make it out, he feels the same way.

Upon a sudden decision, you pad your way over to the bathroom door and open it carefully, the warmth immediately hitting your face as you step inside and close it behind you. The glass of the shower is steamed up, you can only make out the blurry frame of Harry in there and you wonder if he heard you come in, but it doesn’t seem like that. His clothes from the night are lying on the floor in a pile, his watch that he always wears is carefully placed next to the sink.

Your hands grab onto the edge of the towel around your body and you unwrap yourself, hanging it up on the wall before stepping to the shower. Hoping you won’t scare him, you open the door, the steam immediately hugging your naked body warmly and you see him standing there with his back facing you as you step into the spacious walk-in shower.

He notices your presence, you see him freeze mid-movement before he peeks over his shoulder, his eyes falling on you as he slowly turns, facing you completely. Standing in front of him completely bare, you feel more vulnerable than ever in your life. You’re scared that he is going to send you away, that he won’t let you get closer to him and if that happens, you’ll feel humiliated, but he just stands there in his naked glory and doesn’t say anything, so you take it as a chance to shoot your shot.

Reaching up your hands slide to his hard chest, up to the base of his neck as you push your front against his, skin to skin with the hot water running down your bodies. His hands find your waist and you could cry from the feeling of his touch on you. Pushing yourself up to your tiptoes your nose nudges against his as your eyes fall closed.

“Y/N,” he breathes out, stopping you right when your lips could meet. Opening your eyes you see the hesitation in his green irises that appear so much darker than they usually do.

“Do you not want it? You don’t want me?” you whisper.

“I do. It’s not that,” he sighs shaking his head slightly. “But you went through a lot today. I don’t want you to make decisions you might regret in the morning.”

You can’t help the small smile that tugs on your lips at how considerate and protective he is over you, thinking that this might be just something that crashed over you in the heat of the moment, but it’s been in the making from the first day you met him. Despite all your protesting against him, you knew you needed him and not just as your guard. He is what’s been missing from your life all along, you just never realized it.

“There’s nothing I could regret when it comes to you, Harry. I needed tonight to open my eyes. Our days are counted, I’m done running from my own happiness.”

He lets out a long, shaky breath as his hands hold tighter onto your waist while your hands run up his neck until your fingers tangle into his wet locks.

“I need you. And not just because of tonight. I’ve always needed you.”

“I’m here, Y/N. I’m all yours,” he breathes out before his lips smash against yours all wet and hard, but it’s the most heavenly feeling you’ve ever experienced.

You become a mess, tangled in each other, lips melting together as your hands explore naked limbs and torsos, bodies pressing tightly against each other shamelessly. Harry walks you backwards until your back hits the cold tile and you let out a whimper as you arch your back at the sudden feeling, just as his head dips down, lips attacking your neck, kissing and nibbling on the soft skin. Your light leg lifts as his hands wander down your thigh, your hips pressing together and you feel how hard he is, his cock pushed against your other thigh, making you moan at the feeling. Reaching down you blindly wrap a hand around the base, giving him a few slow pumps, earning a guttural growl from him before his lips return to yours, kissing you hard and filled with passion. His hands are all over you, on your thighs, ass, back and chest, as if he was mapping your whole body wanting to remember how every inch feels under his touch.

Without tearing his lips away from yours, he blindly reaches behind him, shutting the water off before urging you to jump into his arms, legs wrapping around his waist. He carries you out of the shower, placing you to the counter next to the sink as he stands between your legs, his hands once again finding your breasts as they knead them, making you whimper and shake under his touch. It’s euphoric and addictive, you already know you won’t be able to go a day without feeling him against you like this.

“Bed?” he breathes out against your mouth and you nod eagerly. Reaching to the side he grabs a towel, wrapping it around you, tapping and squeezing you to dry you off, throwing fits of giggles when you grab it and wrap it around his body as well.

The towel falls to the floor abandoned and forgotten as he lifts you off the counter and brings you to the bed, laying you down and holding himself up above you with one arm. His other hand cups your cheek and turning your head you kiss his palm gently, eyes glued to his as he settles between your legs.

“Are you sure about this?” he breathes out, his lips dancing against your cheek and the corner of your mouth.

“Yes! Harry, please!” you beg with a whimper, your whole body aching to feel him inside you.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you, love,” he kisses you as his hand leaves your heated face, runs down your naked body until his fingers reach your throbbing clit.

He slides two digits through your already wet folds, but just to work you up even more he starts drawing circles on your bud, turning you into a whimpering mess underneath him. Your fingers dig into the lean muscles on his back, feeling them twitch from his movements and one hand sliding down to his ass, grabbing a handful of him while pushing him closer to you, his erection pressing against your core.

“Harry, I need you!” you moan, not able to contain yourself any longer. You need to feel him, you need him as close as possible.

Reaching over to your nightstand you grab a condom from the drawer, ripping the package open with your teeth before you carefully grab his erection and roll the condom down his length, ready to finally feel him inside you.

He flicks his fingers on your clit one last time before his hand wraps around the base of his cock, giving it a few pumps while his soft lips kiss down your jawline and throat, his face hiding in the crook of his neck. Your arms circle around his shoulders, your chest heaving from the sensation as he positions himself just right, the tip teasing your hole. Harry lifts his head up, his bright eyes finding your gaze just as he sinks into you, filling you up perfectly.

“H-Harry! Fuck—“ you gasp at the feeling, your walls stretching around his thick cock as he stays still for a few moments, letting you adjust to his size.

You draw your legs up, giving you more space to go deeper as he starts thrusting, sliding in and out of you oh so perfectly, inching you closer to your relief with each movement. You cup his face in your hands, staring into his eyes as if you could see his soul in them and for a split second, you feel like you actually do. His lips are parted and the cross pendant is grazing your chest while he fucks into you, never falling out of his rhythm.

You want to beg to him not to stop, to keep moving and moving, but no words can leave your mouth as your back arches, your orgasm building up in the pit of your stomach. You start grinding your hips in sync with his, allowing him to reach deeper into you, making your toes curl from pleasure.

“Harry, I’m gonna—I-I’m gonna—Ah!” You can’t make up one coherent sentence as your legs start shaking, feeling your orgasm taking over your body.

“I know, baby. Let it go. Let me make you feel good,” he pants, his lips kissing you everywhere he can reach, your lips smashing against each other in a messy kiss, your tongue meeting his in the middle just when you reach your high.

You moan and cry out his name, fingers digging into his flesh as you chase your release. Seeing you fall apart underneath him is enough to throw him over the edge, spilling himself into the condom as his mouth hangs agape, your name falling off his tongue as if it was the holiest glorification. Combing your fingers through his hair you hold him to your chest as he collapses on top of you, his head lying on your naked chest as you both try to catch your breath in the sudden silence that came over you without the sounds of your passion.

Rolling off of your body he slips out of you, an empty feeling taking over you right away, but he is quick to cradle you into his arms to keep the intimacy. You lay your head to his chest, a thin layer of sweat covering the both of you, but you couldn’t care less. You listen to his steady heartbeat as you draw one of the swallows on his chest with your finger, running it over the lines of the ink. You want to soak in the moment and stay in it for as long as possible, but you can barely keep your eyes open. As Harry’s fingers are gently running up and down your bare back you let your eyes close and the last thing you remember is hearing his soft whisper.

“Don’t worry, baby. I’ll keep you safe.”

You wake up without an alarm in the morning and it’s the first time for that in a long-long time. You stir and groan before you open your eyes, your hands reaching out next to you, looking for the man that was next to you when you fell asleep, but there’s nothing and no one beside you now.

Panic rises in your chest as your eyes pop open and you frantically look around in the room, hoping to see him somewhere near, but you’re alone.

“Harry?” you call you as you sit up, holding the sheets to your chest since you’re still naked. No answer comes and you can feel your heart rate rising instantly.

Getting out of bed you grab the nearest clothing item you find which is an old hoodie, and you put on a pair of clean panties before you carefully walk out of the bedroom, afraid of what you might find outside, but it’s completely silent and still, no one is around. Harry has left.

“Fuck,” you breathe out, feeling the lump in your throat growing as tears are forming in your eyes.

Where did he go? Why did he leave? Is he coming back? Is he gone forever?

You can’t stop yourself from going into depth you shouldn’t, just because you don’t find him first thing in the morning, but you still haven’t entirely recovered from last night’s events and before you could stop yourself, you are thinking about the worst possibilities there could be.

And then you hear the lock turning in the front door.

Blood rushes out of your head as you freeze, afraid it’s another attacker and this time you won’t be as lucky as you were last night. But as the door opens Harry walks in with a paper bag in his arm and you can’t help, but start sobbing at the sight of him.

“Harry!” you cry out, launching at him and he barely have time to put the bag down before he catches you, locking you in his strong arms.

“Hey! No need to worry, it’s just me!” he soothes softly, his hands running up and down your back and head. “I’m sorry I scared you, just wanted to get you something to eat, baby,” he murmurs, kissing the side of your head as you try your best to hold back your sobs.

“I just woke up alone and I thought…”

“I’m sorry, baby. I shouldn’t have left while you were sleeping. But I’m back and I’m alright.”

You just nod, hugging him a little longer before you loosen your hold around him to lean back and look him in the eyes.

“So… you’re staying? With me?”

“If you want me to, yes,” he nods with a soft smile as he cups your tear-soaked face in his hands. “I’ll keep you safe and sound and I’ll be whatever you need me to be.”

“Just be yourself and… be with me,” you shyly ask him and he nods, his smile growing into a wide grin before he leans down and captures your lips in a sweet, intoxicating kiss.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[phoenixyfriend]

The “Momma Sturmvoraus was Literally Satan” AU

As requested by @spazzbot​. This AU was initially brainstormed on the GG fanworks server almost a year ago. Specifically, on the first day of 2020.

[ID: a truncated discord message by “Miss Nixy, Gay for RoboLadies” posted 01/01/2020. The message reads “I need to sleep but please for the moment consider:” and ends there.]

So. Let’s get to it.

Satan took a human form because why not see what's going on topside, live like a human, and “Oh shit is this pregnancy? This is pregnancy. Fuck, that's a tiny human. Which is now half demon. Am I supposed to take care it? Wonder if retconing this form into that Valois family was a bad idea. They do have SO much money though, I get to live like a queen. I suppose another child shouldn't hurt, it wasn't that bad. Oh, he's cute, this is actually making sense, why humans do all the sinning. Not counting dear Aaronev's murders, of course, those are just evil, but I did search out the worst of the humans to pair myself to...”

This is literally just "Tarvek and Anevka's mom was low-key Satan on a bored “let's be human for a decade or two to see what happens” jaunt, consequences happen because these kids are LITERALLY half-demon and arguably anti-Christs."

Also it's just Very Funny for Tarvek, ineffectual sexy lamp fashion twunk extraordinaire, to be an antichrist

Jeff thinks he’s pretty. Jeff keeps describing features that don’t entirely make sense. (Jeff’s canon name is Karl Thotep but they spent so long unnamed that the server collectively named them Jeff.)

This is not a crossover with anything, btw. Ambiguously Pop Culture Satan just got bored and went to have babies with a serial killer.

They’re just kids! That are vaguely demonic. So. Moreso than the rest of the Valois.

Sometimes "mom" comes back from the dead and visits Anevka and Tarvek to impart Wisdom and possibly magic lessons The rooms always smell faintly of sulfur after that...

They try to put Anevka in the machine but SHE isn't hurt and the MACHINE just melts

So that's the end of that.

It's very awkward for everyone, but the paperwork isn't too bad. It's very easy to write "incidental fire began during late-fugue experimentation, resulted in fire spreading through six rooms and several casualties, including Prince Aaronev Wilhelm Sturmvoraus."

As per @atagotiak​, “I feel like if we’re going in any way dimensional weirdness with thing, Tarvek got so good at exploring bc he could just clip through walls.”

With image provided by @thisarenotarealblog​:

Tarvek in Paris: My dead mother keeps showing up in my dreams to tell me I need to seduce my way out of my problems and also she looks like Satan. Tarvek's Voltaire-Appointed Therapist: I still don't know what that means. Just like the last five times. Tarvek: I keep telling her that I can’t seduce Colette, if seduction is that important she should get Anevka to do it.

Like he probably wouldn’t say most of that in front of any Voltaire-approved individual, but still.

Tarvek is still very good at self control but there's a Special Edge to his rants.

(Derailed in the moment to me thinking about Anevka in a sfw-but-concerningly-deadly succubus getup, because... yeah.)

Aaronev dies and goes to hell and his dead wife is just there like "hi! Time to be tortured for eternity!" He wasn't a good husband so. He can't exactly sentimentalize his way out.

“In the sexy way?” “... not for you, no.”

Mostly I just want the BULLSHIT that is "Storm Mom was actually just Satan getting bored and going on vacation as a retconned Valois girl, the kids are half-demons and sometimes it Shows."

To clarify: the Satan bit isn't the retcon. Grandma used to have one daughter. Now there are two. (Seffie and Martellus's mother doesn't remember being an only child, but sometimes...)

Satan retconned a new daughter in, which included a Valid Valois Venusian Vestment, so the blood tests play out.

The subtle signs of wrongness would be fun too. Anevka tends to smile a bit too wide and sharp for a human face. Inexplicable uneasiness, here you can’t point at any specific thing that’s wrong but it’s uncomfortable. Uncanny valley prettiness, almost like the porcelain she became in other timelines. Skin isn’t supposed to be that smooth.

My brain's pre-nap contribution at that point was "Satan's pronouns when not pretending to Human are sin/sinself" which is! Certainly a thing.

Tarvek, at some nebulous future point: I mean, your ancestors were monsters, but my dad was a serial killer and my mom was literally Satan, instead of just figuratively like Lucrezia, so. I mean. I kind of get what you're going through.

Per @firebirdeternal: Tarvek and Anevka growing up with "you're allergic to holy water" and not questioning it until a little later because What.

And then they test it and it's like "yeah, no, there's a rash now. That stung. What the fuck."

It INFURIATES Gil in Paris when Tarvek tells him that's a thing, because there's nothing chemically different about Holy water and regular water. But no, this is somehow happening.

It gets logged in medical journals as a Valois genetic thing because, well, Mom was like that too, right?

One time they both go into a church for an Adventure and Gil is very annoyed to find that Tarvek is like. Faintly smoking. It smells like burnt hair in here.

Gil: What smells like burnt hairgel? Tarvek: [glares]

Gil decides that it must be something particular to the church, like a fungus or something in the stone, contaminating the air and water so it only LOOKS like the holiness is what's setting off reactions.

It is not.

Tarvek once got into an argument with someone and ate a slab of raw, completely uncooked meat as a power move.

SVV seems to work perfectly. Everyone is fine. We get the ‘you fight like ducks’ moment.

And then Tarvek bursts into flames, and everyone panics because no they fixed this what the fuck is he still infected with Hogfarb’s oh my god... and then everything settles down and he's perfectly fine. Not a scratch on him, no longer turning funny colors. Completely unharmed. He's in a nicely tailored suit and looks faintly stunned

"I just met my dead mom, who's apparently Satan. She told me that after I died the first time just now, I should be harder to kill later, especially with fire, because now there's more demon and less mortal and guys I think I'm going crazy." "Is that a martini?" Tarvek looks down. "Apparently."

Tarvek starts just. Randomly setting things on fire by glaring too hard and has to tone it down. Meanwhile, Agatha and Gil are having crises about how he's somehow getting PRETTIER.

Is he faintly glowing? Maybe!

Gil handles it by angrily sniping at Tarvek about how of COURSE he's an evil little rat with a background like that.

Tarvek just wants a nap and to forget this ever happened. Many people are sworn to secrecy. It's very awkward.

Still, SVV did something, for handwave-y reasons, and so they're linked now. Gil and Agatha both getting tiny flashes of the same shenanigans.

They get none of the powers. They just keep getting Weird Shit.

Other characters with divine influence are like "Did you.... did you make a pact with a demon?" "What no that's our boyfriend."

Tho tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if a Heterodyne did sign a contract with a demon at some point in exchange for like. Materials. A hundred souls sacrificed in exchange for some succubus blood. Thanks!

Tarvek and Othar: Falling out of CW as in canon. Tarvek: WHAT THE HELL SINCE WHEN DO I HAVE WINGS HIDE THIS BEFORE I GET BOOTED FROM THE LINE FOR THE THRONE

IDK where Anevka is during all this. I think she might have decided to go sleep her way through the courts of the Ice Tsars. Vacation, y'know?

Othar after he's decided to make Tarvek his new Heroic Apprentice: AH, my poor afflicted young friend, it's noble of you to go against the dark nature of your tragic heritage like this. Tarvek: I hate you. I wish I could hate you to death. But you have a point. I shouldn't let my father's blood limit what I strive for in life. Othar: I... I thought your mother was... Tarvek: I know what I said.

Tarvek: Also you can't tell ANYONE about that, I can't have them thinking I'm not actually in line for the Storm King's throne.

He does admittedly have to like. Explain things to Grandma.

Terabithia is Tarvek’s maternal grandmother so this is supremely awkward. That said...

Grandma fondly remembers her pregnancy cravings; bone marrow and sulfur.

"Yeah so, my mother, your daughter, was... maybe actually Satan? But retconned into your life?" "Tarvek, darling, please. I figured that out half a century ago."

TARVEK ACCIDENTALLY FINDS HIM HIMSELF WEIRDLY INTENSE AT CONTRACTS

I mean that honestly just Tracks about Tarvek anyways? But like moreso.

He just. Writes something up and there's things getting signed or shook on and then the person tries to break the contract and either suddenly catch fire or are deeply unlucky for a set amount of time.

And Tarvek's just standing there like "how in the FUCK did I do that?"

Severity of infernal punishment depends on the severity of the breach of contract.

Tarvek finds out that Anevka's been convincing rich people to sign their souls over to her. It's a fun challenge. She keeps them in jars.

They can still remotely pilot their bodies but like. They can't TELL anyone what happened.

Satan: I'm going to go make babies and now everyone else has to deal with the consequences.

Anevka's living up to that whole "princess of hell" vibe. Tarvek's just like "nope nope nope I want the storm throne, not the hell throne, BYE MOM."

Satan's just feeling sinself down in hell like "awwww look at my babies go, aren't they adorable?"

Tarvek: Anevka, what... first off, how did you figure it out? Anevka: Well, I temporarily died when father put me in the machine, and... I can't say that hell kicked me out because they were afraid I'd take over, but mother DID say she'd rather I play about with human governments instead of Hell's. Tarvek: Okay, cool cool cool. What after you planning to DO with all these souls? Anevka: They make for some lovely reading lamps, don't they?

(Anevka absolutely sets herself the goal of acquiring new titles that rival her old ones, or even surpass them. She just black widows her way through Europa.)

I just want someone (probably Snackleford) to ascend, take one look at Tarvek, and run SCREAMING.

Tarvek still needed to be anchored to Higgs, because Tarvek is Baby.

Gil is eventually in a relationship with an Eternal God Queen and the Literal Son of Satan.

Family dinners can include ALL the in-laws if you duck down to hell! - You borrow Bill from... probably heaven, maybe purgatory. - You have Lu and Aaronev and Satan already there, though the first two... well. Aaronev and Lu get invited to dinner but they have to eat by themselves at the kiddy table and nobody talks to them or acknowledges their presence. After all, this is hell, and what better punishment for Lu than to be completely ignored, and for Aaronev to see Lu at her worst and be reminded that he gave everything for this horrible, horrible person who isn't even pretending to care about him anymore. - Zanta and Klaus get invited via portal. - Anevka saunters in with a blood-soaked dress and a complaint about militant demon-hunters refusing to let her go shopping for a new pair of shoes. - Zeetha tagged along with the OT3. (She can't wait to see this situation explode.)

Oh God, Satan is actually second place as far as good parenting goes.

Well, actually, fourth. Because Adam and Lilith. But second as far as bio parents go. 1. Zanta 2. Satan 3. Klaus 4/5. Lu and Aaronev N/A. Bill

Someone (Anevka) decides to stir the pot and invites Von Pinn, Terabithia, Bang.

Bang is basically Gil’s older sister, right? Right.

This is Zanta meeting Bang for the first time! Zanta is just: "It's so nice to meet my husband's adopted daughter." Klaus freezes. Bang freezes. Gil is the only one who is just. "Yeah." Meanwhile Zeetha is crying with laughter off to the side because both of them deserve this. (Zanta would legit love Bang though.)

Agatha: Tarvek, I think DuPree is-- Tarvek: Hitting on my sister? I know. Agatha: On your mom, actually. Tarvek: NO!

Also I do love the idea of like. Nobody tells Bang they're inviting her. She just wakes up in Hell like. "Ah. Yes. Fair enough."

Satan: Oh no no no my dear, you're here as a guest. Besides as well as you'd fit you're not one of mine, you've got other things waiting for you. Bang: Okay, but I love the decor. And is that Cheesecake?

Bang’s family has their own evil god in the novels, but! Bang DID pick on Tarvek a lot in Paris. Satan cares more than Anevka does. Bang might get the sexy punishment.

I feel like the fact that no permanent damage was done and it taught Tarvek a lot of things means Satan isn't gonna be all that upset about it.

And let's be real, if there's a character in GG who could look the literal Christian devil in the eye and be like "Yeah I tortured your kid, what're you going to do about it?" it's Bang.

Even Satan doesn't know what to do or think about Othar.

He sure is here! As Anevka’s arm candy! Nobody knows what to do except Anevka herself, who just wants to be Smug.

(What's that scene from Phineas and Ferb that's the mad scientist trapping the platypus within the rules of polite dining at a fine restaurant? Like he can't make a scene because that would be rude?) (That. Othar would dearly love to start a fight, but it's a Family Dinner. You're only allowed to fight verbally at those.)

(Othar isn't even fighting Satan, he just wants to argue with Klaus.) (And maybe fanboy in Bill's direction a bit).

[olivetheonlinemother]

Hitoshi Shinso part 1

𝐻𝑒𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒! 𝐻𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑜𝑛𝑒! 𝐼 ℎ𝑎𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑡𝑤𝑜 𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑒𝑛𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑏𝑒𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑘𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑖𝑠!

𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥 𝕠𝕗: 𝟚𝟘𝟟𝟛 / 𝟚𝕜

♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫

Finally, break. I sat down on a bench nearby my office, my hot steaming coffee in one hand, the other holding some taiyaki, which was warmed.

I took a bite of my taiyaki, enjoying it as I began chewing. I had about 7 minutes left already so I had to eat quickly, taking sips of my coffee from time to time.

When I had about 3 minutes left of break I had drank all my coffee and my taiyaki was all eaten, so I decided to quickly head to the break room to refill my coffee since I didn't have any taiyaki left so there was no point in trying to get more of that. Luckily though, the break room had a coffee machine, so that’s where I decided to go.

After walking down the halls of the hero agency I worked at, I found the door with the sign that read: ‘Break room’ and by now I had to be quick, with only 2 minutes left until I needed to be back in my office so I opened the door and quickly went over to the coffee machine.

The machine had been a little dirty and any other day when I wasn't in a hurry, I would quickly clean it but there wasn't nearly enough time for that.

I quickly made my coffee, putting in my desired amount of cream and sugar into it before quickly putting the lid on and turning around and dashing off, although I didn't get far as someone bumped into me, causing me to trip.

I, of course, was completely pissed off and turned over to see who had tripped me and hadn't even bothered to apologize or help me up.

Who I looked up to see was a man with violet hair that stuck up, and he had dark purple eyes to match his hair, he was also in some not very professional wear, not to mention this weird, almost mechanical looking mask, it appeared almost like he was wearing some sort of hero costume, although I doubt that he was a hero looking like that, he gave more of a hobo look then a hero.

“Is there a problem?” the man gruffed in a low tone, and it also sounded slightly irritated, his face deadpanning as he stared at me on the floor.

“Yea there's a problem! You shoved me over and acted like it didn't happen!” I snarled at him, attempting to contain my teeth from my quirk to appear.

I got onto my feet and wiped the dust off my clothes as the man just stared at me “And? It's not my problem, maybe you should have been looking.” he replied calmly but also in a strict tone, which only pissed me off more. By now I knew I wasn't going to make it back before my break was done.

“Well at least apologize or something! I’m already gonna be late to get back to my office because of some hobo with an attitude, I have respect for homeless people who aren't all attitude-filled.” I shot back at him, picking up my coffee that somehow managed to not spill, and then turned to face him one final time, before turning on my heel and began going back to my office.

The man seemed to be following me, which was concerning but I continued until I turned quickly into my office and the man walked past it, glancing at the door for a second which unfortunately had my profession and name on it, which meant now he knew my name, which is what truly concerned me.

About 10 minutes later the man was slowly starting to leave my mind when a coworker knocked on my door to which I allowed them in.

“Yes, Eri?” I asked the teen with extremely lightly colored blue hair and little horn on the side of her head and crimson red eyes.

Eri was a trainee coming over for her hero work studies from UA, she apparently knew the head of this agency, her quirk and backstory was an interesting one too.

Eri looked up at me slightly “The boss wants to speak with you” she said quietly, but I was able to hear her, but the words were enough to make me falter in my professional standing in pure fear.

The boss was someone to only call employees if they were in trouble or they did something wrong, and I know I was late to get back, but usually, they don’t get upset about something like that, so why did they need to see me?

As millions of thoughts clouded my thoughts I felt Eri poke my shoulder “Miss? Are you okay..?” Which was enough to pull me out of my thoughts

“Y-yes of course! I'm fine Eri, thank you for telling me, I’ll be right there.” I said, composing myself once again.

Eri nodded and left, and I soon left as well and shut my door, then headed up the stairs to the boss’s office, on the door it read: ‘Hitoshi Shinso <Puppeteer>’ which was the name of the hero that runs this agency.

Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door, too which it opens, and suddenly, my stomach dropped, my mind was going crazy. Shitshitshitshitshit! That was all I could think.

There in front of me was the same man I had seen before, and he just stared at me, as he slowly backed away to let me in.

I slowly entered his office, it looked like a normal office, with a black fluffy rug under his desk and a black couch with yellow pillows.

He went over to the desk and sat down, then gestured to the seat in front of his desk, while I of course didn't hesitate and walked over onto the rug and sat on the chair.

“So… would you like to make an assumption as to why you’re here…?” He asked in a calm and almost amused tone, his face twisting into a slight smirk. I slowly shook my head “No sir, I think I’m well aware as to why I’m here” I replied, trying to hide the worry in my voice.

Mr.Shinso only chuckled “Then please, tell me why you think you’re here.. And I’ll tell you if you’re right or wrong” he hummed out smoothly, making me much more worried by how calm he was.

I let out an audible sigh and nodded “I was disrespecting you, sir..” I said, looking down in my own shame, only for him to tsk at me.

“Wrong.” He said, still smirking “Now look at me.” He said, snapping his fingers and making me immediately listen and shoot my head up to be even with him, well other than me being slightly shorter.

“Well then why did you call me sir..?” I asked meekly, while he just chuckled at me some more. “I called you here because of yes, what happened in the break room but not to give any trouble to you, in fact, I’d like to commend you for the fact that you stood up to yourself. Most in this agency just let me push them around, but you… you’re different as you stood up for yourself, lecturing me which was certainly appropriate. Although for next time, please refrain from referring me as a homeless person.” He explained to me, as I blunk there in confusion.

I just sat there dumbfounded, my hands on my lap, that was until he cleared his throat “You mean it?” I confirmed, tilting my head which made him nod “And to apologize for my rudeness maybe I could let you off work early and we could go eat someplace?” He asked, hiding his face behind his mask slightly and I had a pretty good idea on why.

“Is this your attempt at asking me out sir?” I giggled a bit, while his eyes slightly widened “What if it is? Are you judging me?” He retorted while I could only smile back “No no, just simply questioning” I hummed while he smirked more and pulled his head away from the mask, revealing a light blush dusting his cheeks.

“Then it’s a date, see you when?” I asked when I realized he was packing his stuff up. “Now if that works for you and you aren’t in the middle of something too important.” He said, glancing at me as he placed different files into his bag.

“W-Well yea I don’t have that many important things coming up-” I was cut short by him grabbing my arms and dragging me out of his office “Good, go to your office and pack up for the day then we can leave.” He said, giving me a side glare.

It’s like he just flipped a switch and went to the cold person I met in the break room, except for this gentle softness I now saw in his face.

I did as he told me to and went over to my office and grabbed all my stuff, placing it in my own bag, and then walked out where he was waiting by the exit of the building.

I quickly went over, although I struggled as I had heels on.

Once I was in front of him, he nodded and began walking out with me following him.

After walking for a bit we arrived at a restaurant, it looked decently pricey too, so I glanced at my boss “Isn’t this a bit… much?” I asked, to which he only shrugged “You’re a colleague, and this isn’t much of a problem to me money-wise anyway.” he explained, patting my shoulder.

I took that as an okay to start going inside, and I seemed to be right as he followed me inside and went to the front and he switched places with me and was now in front.

“I’m here for my reservation.” He said in a calm and collected tone, the waitress nodding and asking for his ID to which he complied and pulled out for her.

Once seated, he began some small talk. “I was looking through your files.. And your quirk is called Neko, correct?” He asked, which was slightly concerning but I nodded “yes, it allows me to either turn into a cat or grow certain attributes of one, such as ears or a tail” I explained, making him nod “I see.. Do you use it often?” He asked, just as the waiter came and asked for our orders.

After quickly ordering I responded to his question “No, I don’t really have reason to sir” I explained smiling a bit, making him nod “Hm.. formalities are not needed, Shinso will do just fine.” he nodded, making me smile a bit.

“A-Alright Shinso!” I said, the name rolling off my tongue smoothly as the blush on his face soon came to slowly flutter back, while I just giggled at him.

“So, you’re a pro hero?” I asked, once our food had arrived, and he nodded “mhm, underground one though so I’m not as well known.” He said just in a tired tone, so I decided to get him slightly interested.

“Y’know if you weren’t underground I bet you’d be popular with those looks of yours, that is if you at least tried putting a brush through that hair of yours” I giggled, while I saw the blush on his face grow.

“What do you mean by ‘tried’? Are you implying that I can’t brush my hair due to how messy it is?” He said, staring me right down as if he were trying to intimidate me. It didn’t work though as I continued giggling.

“Maybe, maybe not~” I hummed, eating some of my food while Shinso grinned again. “We’ll have to see won’t we miss [L/n]?” he smirked, challenging me to something but what?

“Sure, but what’re you placing down?” I asked, making Shinsou smirk “If I can get a brush through my hair and style it tomorrow, you’ll work as one of my assistants, meaning moving in with me as well, if you win, however, and I’m unable to, ill allow you to run the agency for 24 hours exact.” He said emphasizing the ‘t’ in ‘exact’.

“Must be pretty bold to put conditions down like those, but I’m not objecting” I hummed, smirking at him

“We shall see who wins Miss [L/n]”

[catsnraincoats-archive]

i mean im definitwly now gonna CLAIM i named myself jack to annoy you. anyway why would that annoy you

This was in pinned so you have to read from the bottom up for most of them

[ID: A series of discord messages clearly typed in a hurry. They read

" I am filled with rage at how Jack is a nickname for John. why??? Its not even shorter its just. a different name??? Did someone just forget their friends name and go "Hey Jack!" "My name is John..?" ",,,,,,,, Jack is a nickname for John dont you know" Like??? Hello???? its not even shorter!! Its not even different!! its just the same name bur slightly to the left!!!

Do you think theres been a kid named john and his whole life was spent being called Jack? Do you think he even knows his name is actually John??? how long has this gone on! Why did this become a thing!!! If Jack wasnt already a name I MIGHT be fine with it, but it IS a name!! There are people names Jack!!! There are people named John!! they're different!

"Oh this is my friend Jonathan but we just call him Jackson" "Why" "Because we're dumb shits who say you can just. Give a nickname to someone by having a different name that isnt shorter or some shit"

You can have multiple names!! you can go by multiple things!!! but you cant just say jack is a nickname for John

Okay but you see how thats similar? see how it still has max at the start?? {In reference to "max" as a nickname for "maxwell"}. If you gave your friend, Max, the nickname George?? what the fuck!! at that point they just have two names!!! EXCUSE ME? No! Why! Just say they have two names and move on! Syop DISGRACING the idea of nicknames with with foolish misuse!

Nicknames can be so many things! I call my friend Sarah "Bird" becaude xe caught a bird when xe was nine and we laugh about it! My friend Ellie goes by any plant because she likes plants! Someone I know has the nickname "Mick" because, even if he's named Daniel, theres a STORY! There has to be a reason! there has to be a connection! otherwise its just going by a different name!

I am not breathing I am living only through my anger at this point! No! If I see one person calling a John "jack" I will fight them on the spot! I dont care if they're a frail old man or if they're a seven-year-old child! "Oh this is my friend John, its short for Jack" fuck OFF! "Hi my name is Aristotle but I go by Heraclitus because its VAGUELY related and is not shorter at a l l " THATS how fucking stupid you sound! my god!

Get a fucking ruler because I dont think you know how length works! Do you need to learn to count letters again? I swear!

There are two being beside two doors, one tells lies and the other tells the truth "The earth is flat" one says, "Jack is short for John" says the other. GUESS who I'm trusting! I'll joing the flat earth society until the end of time who the FUCK do you think you are to say Jack is short for John!

NO! I'm not okay! I am fuming! I havent even met someone who actually goes by Jack instead of John but I know for a FACT they are some of the worsr people! I know damn well if I ever heard one of their voices I'd kill them on the spot if I didnt die myself

Nothing, NOTHING I say can properly explain how much I hate these people. If there isnt some ancient fucking history about this if people just went "What if we fucked up your name" I will make a time machine and kill every one of those people personally. I will squeeze the life out of every John "Jack" Lastname until they say with their dying breath that they have a shameful excuse for a name

It isnt even the people its the NAME. Its just the name. I'll stab them all with a rusty bread knife but they'll have all died of shame before I could even get close Like They Should. They arent even clowns. You know what clowns do? They make people happy! they work hard with their skills! They're good people! I'd call Jacks/Johns clowns but it'd be too much of a compliment for them.

I cant even type anymore Im not a person anymore I'm a bundle of rage fitted badly into a bag of flesh anf that is fine with me so long as I dont call myself Jack

/End ID]

[aesthyuckic]

AVENOIR | l.dh - SEDECIM

Genre: High School AU (at beginning) ; Tarot Reader!Witch!Hyuck

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: (bold if in use) slow but with a purpose, belief contradictions, mentions of r*pe, blood, swearing, violence, mentions of abuse

Pairings: Lee Donghyuck (Haechan) x Reader (F)

X OF CUPS IN REVERSE: shattered dream, broken family, bad relationships

Cosimia’s eyes fluttered opened once again. She was not looking up at the gray sky they had this morning but rather the ceiling in her trailer. She was in bed, surrounded by softness... Maybe it was just a nightmare, she thought to herself... but that’s exactly why she hung the dream catcher up so long ago... Nonetheless, she still found comfort on Donghyuck’s side of the bed. She could still smell his cologne in the sheet that made her heart swell for some reason.

It took her a few moments to open her eyes again as she was basking in the sheets. Her hands were the first thing she saw, they were clean. The images of her hands covered in blood and the knife flashed into place. She shook as she sat up, just looking at her hands in terror. She swear she could still feel it but she wasn’t sure if she had just imagined it or it was real... She felt like passing out at the thought.

It wasn’t long before a girl walked in after. Her name was Irene, one of eldest, kind of a nurse and also a dancer in the shows who was like an older sisters to most of the girls there. She was there to take care of Cosimia in the meantime.

“Oh my god, you’re up!” The eldest exclaimed. “Lay back down.”

Irene rushes out of the bedroom to get a glass of water and a wet towel for the girl. She came back and put the cup down on Cosimia’s night stand before she put the cool towel on the other’s forehead. She smiled, sweetly, before she sat down on the bed with her.

“What happened?” The young girl was quick to ask which seem to make the other girl’s expression drop.

“Well...” She started.

“Don’t sugarcoat it.” She sighed

“You fainted after you stabbed Ten... I only know that because Johnny always set up cameras! He had to turn it into the police though. And Ten’s okay, too, just in a bit of pain and out of the job now...”

“How about Haechan? And what about me? How am I not in custody?”

“Calm down, we don’t need your blood pressure going up! We’ve had enough people from here go to the hospital today! Haechan was stable according the last update I got on him and Cosimia, you were passed out... The police couldn’t question you even if they wanted. They’ll get a statement later but it was clear from the video it was self dense. He did have a gun point to your head.”

“I put it there, though.”

“It was still self dense in the end because he wasn’t backing away or anything.”

She let out a deep breath before laying back, rather relaxed compared to moments ago. She didn’t think it was out of self dense, she didn’t feel that way anyway. The more times she played what had happened over and over again it just felt like anger was building up... She wandered about Donghyuck... He was okay but how long ago was that? She just wanted to see him so badly.

”Irene, can you please take me to the hospital?” The young girl begged. “Please, I just want to see Haechan.”

“Oh, no, don’t cry! I hate seeing you cry!” She pouted. “I can’t! You need to rest and Johnny thought so too.”

Though, the young girl continued to cry. Not in the hopes of getting her way (even though she also wanted that) but because of what she had seen before the chaos had even started. The most recent memory of Donghyuck she had was one that was traumatizing to her despite not being physically there for it.

Irene just frowned, unsure of what to do as unneeded guilt washed over her. Luckily for her, Johnny did text her, telling her whenever Cosimia was up and ready to bring her down to hospital, that he needed to talk to her. The eldest was too relieved that an escape come so quickly she didn’t notice how odd it seemed. She was just too happy to pull the other out of bed and have the crying stop.

The girl seemed to get antsy the closer they got to the hopsital. In fact, when they had arrived and gotten on the elevator to take them up to the floor Donghyuck and Johnny were on, she was itching to get out. She felt like it was taking forever and every second she was just wasting. When the elevator dinged to signal the doors were going to open she raced out of there, leaving the older behind. She was more concerned with finding the room number that she searched frantically for.

And then she finally got to the hall of numbers in the 400’s, knowing he was in the room 444. Her seemed to speed up as she passed room 440 and right as she got to the number she had been waiting for, someone came out. It was Johnny, which ruined her hope of Donghyuck being awake in the first place. Her boss noticed her right away but she didn’t seem to care as she pushed past him.

She tiptoed to look in the small window of the door. She saw the boy on the bed, hooked up to multiple machines. He was so still and in all honesty, it made her want to start crying again. He was always so lively, to see him so still was unlike him and she hated it. At least he was still alive, that much she was thankful for...

“Cosimia! Have you even been listening to me?!” Johnny asked, finally capturing her attention. “I said we need to talk.”

“What?” She started to panic and it was obvious in her voice. “Is Haechan okay?!”

“Yes, he’s fine!” He sighed. “Lucky too... If he hadn’t been for that crystal he always wore he would probably be dead or at least worst. He’s in a coma right now, though and he’s going to wake up but the doctors don’t know when.”

“Then what do we need to talk about?”

“When were you going to tell me you both were pronounced dead months ago? Do you know how hard it was to get the cops off your trail?! Who the fuck is Peter Lee and Josphine Vasquez anyway?!”

She was left shocked by what her boss had said. She also knew it was only a matter of time before he found out but she hoped it wouldn’t be at a time as bad as this...

“I can explain.” She said.

“Well, go on!” Johnny commanded. “I’d love to hear it.”

“The summary of it?” She hesitated. “Haechan and I faked our death so our parents would think we were dead and not try to come after us. I got fake IDs for us so no one would suspect anything.”

“Oh my god, this isn’t some movie, Cosimia!” He gritted. “You have families that have mourned over you and wondered what they’ve done wrong for you to both end up ‘dead’ when you were with me the entire time! I can’t believe this.”

“Johnny, you don’t understand!” She whined. “We did it for a reason! And what about Jisung, Iaan, Olivia and Kai? What about them? They’re all our age and they’re with you.”

“You’re not ophrans like them and what was the reason? So you could have your little romance cliche?”

“We weren’t even into each other at that time! And he’s eighteen, he can do whatever he wants!”

“Fine, then you’re going to be going back by yourself.”

“You don’t understand! When are you going to get that?! I’m not leaving Haechan’s side either! And I’m not exaggerating when I say I rather die than go back! I will kill myself before I ever go through that again!”

The hall got quiet after the screaming match that had the small girl in tears. She shook so visibly as she cried into her hands. Her back had made it to the door of the room before she slid down it, only to sob on the floor. It made the boy feel so... guilty and bad. He might of scared her too which made him feel worse. He’d admit, he had somewhat of soft spot for the girl... She was like a little sister he never had, but he’d never admit that part.

“What don’t I understand?” He asked, softly, sitting down to her.

“Huh?” She cracked as she lifted her head up.

“What don’t I understand,” He repeated. “Maybe, if you told me, I would and I would let it stay too... I’ll figure out the police if I have to.”

“I wanted Haechan to be the first person I told...”

“I’m sorry... but if you want to have the possibility to stay, you’re going to have to tell me.”

“Can we at least go in the room?”

He nodded before helping the girl off the floor. He, then opened the door, allowing her to go first and soon following after her in the room. She seemed to rush over to the bed as he closed the door. He didn’t really expect much else as he come to sit in the chairs across from the bed. He watched as she brushed a few strands of the boy’s hair out of his face as it was getting long. Her smile as she did so was bitter sweet... He looked peaceful, too peaceful. She finally sat down next to Johnny but he couldn’t help but noticed the way she kept looking at the boy who lied in the bed so still.

“You know,” He started. “Doctors say sometimes people can hear people talk from inside their coma. So, maybe in a way, Haechan will be the first person you told, beside me, of course.”

She hummed with a nod.

“Are you ready, though?” He asked, just to be positive as it seemed pretty heavy.

“It doesn’t really matter if I am ready or not, in this case... I have to tell you or you’ll send me back...”

She had sudden realized in that moment, everything was cloudy and blurry in her mind. She couldn’t see what was to come like she usually was able too... She didn’t know what was next for her after telling Johnny or anything. Her gut told her that she’d be fine in the end. The one thing she did know was to always trust that feeling.

“I don’t know where to begin...” She confessed.

“Take your time.” He said.

She felt the overwhelming sense of being dirty, once she had felt to often beforehand that she could never truly shake. She squeezed her eyes shut and her throat felt like it was lined with wire as she tried to hold everything in. She found a past to start, intuitively. She felt like she was living the whole thing over again but this time it really dragged. She knew that’s how it felt at first and that’s how’d she would feel but god, it was the worse pain on top of what was already going on.

She was surprised to see the tall guy in front of her also tearing up a bit at the end of it. She guessed he really didn’t understand it... Not with the way she cared herself especially around him. She took his hand, letting him know it was okay... To which, he had gently brought her into a hug. He whispered something about not letting her back and that’s when she knew she was finally safe.

She really broke after that, gripping onto the boy’s sweater rather tightly as she wailed into the fabric. It only slightly muffled it but he could only imagine how long she had been holding that in. Of course she needed to scream and of course she was exhausted by the end of it. She tried to find air again after, but only found herself lightheaded.

It prompt the boy to get her water after because it was apparent she needed it. He only left when he saw her crawl into the space next to Donghyuck. Laying there, she noticed the silver was fading to platinum as the strands got longer. She sniffed to herself as she stared at him. She was hoping he’d wake up soon, so they could talk again. For now, she found some comfort in mumbling things, no matter how serious or ridiculous they were to him in his unconscious state.

She fell asleep like that next to him. Her arm draped across his bare waist, quite a ways away from the bullet wound covered in gauze. The doctors and nurses seemed quite broken by the scene once visiting hours were up. They didn’t want to separate them but Lucas and Jaemin had shown up to take her back to the trailer which now seemed like her permanent home.

She had woken up, in the car which a jacket draped of her. She recognized the scent was Lucas’ and could see him driving too. She was half awake so she just shut her eyes again but oh, how she wanted too sleep next to her friend so badly like every other night...

[maryellencarter]

Queer asks copied from @corelliaxdreaming :

1. Is your family accepting? -- Hah. No. My bio-family is not accepting at allllll, so I went and got myself an internet family instead.

2. What is your sexuality? -- Weird. The strongest part of my identity is Aromantic. I seem to be pretty much allosexual, maybe bisexual; most of the people I find myself attracted to are men within a fairly specific category (physically fit to muscular, at least as competent as me, kind, and often a bit dorky; I also have a weakness for clever hands and sexy voices), but the women I'm attracted to cover a much broader range of appearances and personalities. I fall pretty much in the category of the one Tumblr post that said something like "Being bisexual means you're attracted to three specific fictional men and all women", even though the attraction to men... feels... more attraction-y? I'm still really struggling to figure that difference out.

3. What is your gender identity? -- Sort of genderfluid, sort of genderqueer, sort of maybe agnostically agender? I used to ID really strongly as a trans man, and then after a year or so of being accepted, I found myself turning female. I bounced back and forth for a lot of years but seem to have settled down at a point where it doesn't especially matter to me most of the time. Which is a lot more comfortable than hurtling around to different points on the gender spectrum without warning.

4. Favorite color? -- Blue. Royal blue, mostly. That really deep sky blue you get sometimes during the fall. A bunch of really bright colors.

5. When did you find out your sexuality? -- Oh, it's been a process. For a long time I identified as asexual. It took me years to figure out I was actually romance-repulsed, and more years to figure out I had any attraction to women. I'm still sort of confused by that part. Like I mostly just want to look at them being pretty, but I also definitely want to look at their boobs? Maybe touch some boobs? I'm honestly not sure.

6. What do you wish you could tell your past self? -- Oh lord. Sexuality and gender wise? I'm not sure young me could have been hurried along the process of self discovery. I'd really like to tell her she was being abused and gaslighted and that she needed to take her great-aunt's offer of a free ride and major in geology *before* she broke her health, and maybe also tell her she needed a CPAP machine, but she might just think I was a temptation of the Devil. Also I'm not sure if the CPAP machine was an option before Obamacare. Or the psych meds she needed, either.

7. Have you changed labels since realizing you were queer? -- Oh yeah, all over the place. Asexual, trans, genderqueer, biromantic (for about a week), aromantic allosexual bisexual maybe pansexual... some people apparently even count PCOS as an intersex condition, since I have a lot more beard and chest hair than is normal for perisex women, to the point that I always have to explain to a new doctor that I'm not in fact on testosterone, my body just does that. I've never quite felt right claiming the intersex label, but I've tried on a lot of others. I think my header may still say "queer on every conceivable axis".

8. How was your day? -- Um. I got stuck wandering Cracked.com for most of it. Then I drove up to check out my pulmonologist's office, which doesn't *say* they're closed for the pandemic, so I guess I'll go up again on Thursday and poke them about whether my appointment still exists. Then I went and wandered around a very large very dead mall on that side of town, hatched a bunch of pokeymans, then came home and ate some split pea soup.

9. Do you have any queer friends irl? -- I don't have *any* friends irl, and it's kicking my ass. I have like one or two coworkers I could hypothetically hang out with outside of work if we weren't so all-fired busy. But if we're talking "friends I have seen irl at some point", I'm pretty sure they're all queer. They might also be limited to @tigerkat24 and one other person who doesn't use Tumblr, I'm not sure.

10. What's your favorite hobby? -- Probably knitting. It's soft and squishy and brightly colored, and it can be as brainless or as complex as I could possibly want.

11. Who's the best queer icon in your opinion? -- I honestly don't have an opinion. I've always been too far outside the community to figure out whomst the options were.

12. Which pride flags do you like the most design / color wise? -- Pansexual. I'd probably have a lot more pride merch if I IDed as pan, but it just never feels like it fits quite right.

13. Do you wish you could change any pride flags? -- YES. The aro flag is the exact same colors as the agender flag, just in a different arrangement, and it pisses me off because you can't distinguish aro merch from agender merch unless it's specifically flag shaped / has the stripe arrangement. I liked the yellow/orange/green/black aro flag, I found it much more cheerful, but apparently it was too similar to something Rastafarian. But you can't find alloaro flag merch at *all*, even though it has the green and yellow, which I like.

14. Are you openly out? -- Can't really help it, since I legally changed my name to a distinctively masculine one back in the day, and I do not remotely pass as male. So anybody who both sees or hears me and knows my legal name, knows there's *something* queerish going on. (I go by a gender neutral name these days, but haven't yet been arsed to change it legally because it's an entire hassle and a half.)

15. Are you comfortable with yourself? -- Mneh. I'm not *un*comfortable with my gender and sexuality, particularly. Sometimes I wish I could pass as male, sometimes I wish I could have cute cleavage. Sometimes I tie myself in knots with my feelings about women.

16. Do you experience dysphoria? -- I used to, very strongly. It hasn't been very aggressive lately.

17. Bottom, top, or verse? -- *shrugs* I guess I'd be a switch or "verse" because I'm down for whatever.

18. Are you femme, butch, or neither? -- I swing wildly between wishing to present Extremely Butch in a lumberjack style, which is impractical in the Southwest, or wishing to present Extremely Femme but being unable to do so, and tying myself in knots over the inability. (I can't wear femmey shoes due to my stupid feet, I can't have pierced ears as they get infected and the one pair of nice lightweight handcrafted earrings I paid $50 for is gone with the rest of my shit, I'm too lorge to find any nice dresses or be able to like try on prom dresses and stuff, I have a tendency to break jewelry as I'm extremely rough on my possessions... etc.) In practice my gender presentation is Fat Slob. :P

19. Do you bind? -- Not technically, but I do wear cheap sports bras which tend to flatten rather than lift or shape.

20. Do you shave? -- Only by necessity. I shave my face when I remember, because my beard looks extremely douchey and rather like pubes. Occasionally I shave my cleavage if I'm trying to present femmey. I pretty much never shave anything else unless the hair is getting Smelly.

21. If you could date anyone you wanted, who would it be? -- Um. Good question. The thing is, I am fairly strongly romance-repulsed, but I do want and enjoy queerplatonic relationships, so I would draw a distinction here between "dating" someone and being "in a relationship" with them.

22. Are you in a relationship? -- Yes, in fact.

23. Describe your partner. -- @camshaft22 . Um. She's very much the Hobbie to my Wes. She's very snarky and dies a lot and I love her very much.

24. Have you ever dated anyone of the same gender? -- Given that we're both genderfluid, I would say I'm in a relationship with someone of the same gender, yes.

25. Dated anyone of another gender? -- I've never dated or been in a relationship with anyone else, so I guess the answer is no.

26. Tell me a random fact about yourself! -- I always use this one, but I once lived in four different states (mostly non-contiguous) within a calendar month.

27. Do you own any pride flags / merch? -- No. I used to have a whole-ass collection that I added to every Pride, and then I lost all my damn shit and haven't had the heart to start looking again. Well, I have a rainbow necklace Kat sent me which is pretty nice. Can't wear it till my damn sunburn heals, though. :P

28. Have you ever been to a pride parade? -- Yes, when I lived in Bisbee. They have quite an excellent Pride which draws people from as far off as Denver.

29. Any advice to someone who isn't out or is exploring themselves? -- Take your time. It's okay if things change. You don't have to solve yourself all at once. It's more important to find people who will accept whoever you turn out to be.

30. Pineapple on pizza? -- I've honestly never tried it. Part of me feels like I should, in order to develop an opinion, and part of me feels like I'm just as happy being outside of that particular debate.

[sup4l3e]

I’m Crazy...

I’m insane...

I've lost the plot..

I'm hopeless..

I'm worthless..

I'm unloveable..

I'm pathetic..

I'm weird..

I'm strange..

I'm not okay...

I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)

BUT...

I AM!!!

Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...

oh woe is me! am i right?

well... thats where you're wrong!

(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)

I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.

Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)

In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.

The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!

i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.

depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.

A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.

As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)

This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!

Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.

my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.

They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.

so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.

heres how i cope...

Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.

For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.

Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.

It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.

it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.

i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.

i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.

i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.

because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.

you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!

nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.

i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.

i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)

In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!

everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.

everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!

Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.

do what makes YOU happy!

live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.

open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.

but remember most importantly:

You ARE NOT Alone..

You ARE NOT Crazy..

You ARE NOT insane..

You HAVE NOT lost the plot..

You ARE NOT hopeless..

You ARE NOT worthless..

You ARE NOT unloveable..

You ARE NOT pathetic..

You ARE NOT weird..

You ARE NOT a psycho..

You ARE NOT strange..

And..

You ARE okay...

You ARE Beautiful..

You ARE Worth it..

YOU ARE Loved

i hope this helps...

thank you ☺

[jessefandomunited]

crack fic part one

if any of you guys want something competently idiotic about criminal minds here it is enjoy

chapter 1

“We need to introduced ourselves to them,” I said and we idled in our golf cart outside the office of the BAU. We still we unsure how we got in the universe of Criminal minds in the first place but we were here not and we were ready to help. This was at the very beginning, not of the show itself but Reids first day in the BAU with his team, because of this we decided introductions were in order We decided to send one letter to each of the team individually but making it all the same note. We definitely knew we were putting ourselves as the number one suspect in any of the crimes they were solving but, whatever we could leave at any time how, well, we have a time machine, or an alternate reality time machine. We’re not 100% sure how to get back to our own time but in the meantime we decided to have fun with the Criminal Minds gang and try and bring some laughter to the very somber show.

We sat in front of a computer and Khyra asked, “ Okay, what are we typing out?” We brain stormed a moment and finally came up with the following.

“ Dear Team, Yes we are not in your team like it or not. We are not your enemy and we only wish to bring you aid when need be and to bring you joy. We are well familiar with how you guys operate and you guys are always so sad, except Penelope , Penelope I think we’re gonna get along the best. We know the future pretty much and as much as you think we’re crazy and if we wanted to be super creepy we could tell you some future things but I think the butterfly effect would shatter or something like that. Yes Reid I would love to hear you rattle off all the butterfly effect theory right now but unfortunately this is a note and we cannot hear you. But hey we know you love writing notes well maybe not love, but you write a lot of notes so please write us back . Sorry off topic. This is Khyra butting in she always gets off topic when talking about Reid , he’s not narcissistic at all but he might with Amy hanging around. Off topic again all in all we are looking forward to seeing you and while you may all discard these letters however i’d advise you to at least keep our lovely picture we are sending you, so you’ll know what our lovely faces look like. Also don’t try anything tricky with the locks on the doors in your building or extra surveillance because I promise you it’s not going to work. Also if you want us to come in for questioning at any time we’d love to however all we ask is for your to do the thing where you put our names on empty boxes of files. That is it look forward to meeting you all .

All the warmest wishes in the world: Amy and Khyra” We printed out a copy for each one and took a bunch of stupid pictures with my poleroid to put in each letter. And on the envelopes we added some special little jokes and phrases like for Elle we put “ Hold this L”. For Giddeon, “ look out for the 6 fingered man” . For Penelope , “ we’re gonna be incredible friends”. For Hotch, “ the Criminal minds Lassy”. For JJ “ the Criminal minds Juliette”. For Derek “ BROTP Derek and Penelope” And for Reid “please dont be mad at me  <3 Amy”. I was very concerned that he wouldn’t appreciate our little charade so I just wanted to apologize in advance. We prepared each letter and were bold enough to even drop them off at the front desk ourselves before leaving to get slurpies and design our crime fighting outfits.

We decided on these weird shirts we found at good will that say traffic cop, these plaid skorts, white iridescent platform shoes and white oval sunglasses to finish it off. “ We’re gonna be unforgettable for sure,” I chuckled, “ I wonder if they read our note yet.” “ Well if we go there and immediately take us in for questioning i’d say that’s a win,” Khyra added. I nodded and we slowly walked over to the BAU building and decided to just sit on the wall for a bit an wait. In about ten minuets Hotch came out and when he saw us he immediately went back in. “ Awwwww Lassy recognizes us,” I said clutching my hand to my heart. “ Yeah he’s definitely getting backup, “ Khyra laughed, “ you want Reid to lead you in.” I shook my head, “ you know he wont be able to, it’s his first day, but he’s probably gonna be watching us.” The door opened and Hotch came out with three armed officers, “ please bring them in.” “ Can I please finish my Slurpee , this was a whole dollar man ,” I pleaded. “ Whatever you need to  answer to a few things,” He said with his signature stoic face. I clapped my hands, “ don’t worry we know where to go.” He was about to say what when we both took off into the building waving at the different people as we went as the guards followed us . “ REID LET’S CATCH US LATER OKAY,” I yelled as we passed his desk. He looked slightly scared. We found the interrogation room and sat ourselves on the chair and put our feet up on the table. “ Thank goodness they didn’t try to shoot us,” Khyra said with a sigh. “ Ugg that was my exercise for like ever,” I said leaning back. Hotch stumbled into the room, shocked to see us here, “who...who are you guys.” “ Someone didn’t read the note carefully, “ I said, “ listen we may as well be ghosts here, look us up we’ll give you our drivers license, well our old ones if you want to actually keep it, I still may need mine .” We both dug around in our pockets and slapped them on the table. “ Penelope, if your listening we know you’ll be doing the searching you goddess among men,” Khyra yelled before leaning back. Hotch reluctantly left and we made a  beeline for the two way mirror. “ So you think they’re all on the other side,” I said jabbing Khyra in the side. “ Most of them probably aside from Penelope ,” she deduced . “ Hey Reid...Spencer...Spence… Dr Spencer Reid, which should I call him,” I pleaded , “ he liked being called Spence when JJ does it but he dosent know us yet, so maybe formal.” Khyra nodded, “ yes don’t scare him , he get’s enough of that later .” I shook my head and my eyes welled up with tears, “ oh I know,you best bet we’re going to have to help out with that.” “ Butterfly effect ,” Khyra reminded me . “Fuck I forgot about that,” I mumbled then turned to the two way mirror and got really close so I could somewhat see. I noticed he was there and positioned myself so I was looking at him directly, “ gees this is a lot easier when I just see myself. Dr Spencer Reid, you are a wonderful , caring , smart , nerdy , glorious person and I want you to know especially that we come in peace.” both me and Khyra but up the Spock hand sign things “ we too are fellow nerds.” The door swung open and Hotch marched in, “ cut that out and sit down, how did you know he was in there anyway?” “ You can kind of see when you get really close,” I explained , “ soooo did you find out we are ghosts?” He shook his head, “ no I found out these are fake id’s .” Me and Khyra exchanged a glance then laughed , “ yes absolutely, you know it’s about as fake as your hopes of planning a lovely week long break.” “ This is serious,” he sneered .I held up a hand, “ okay one, you didn’t even get our boxes like we wanted, and two you have no right to hold us here, at the moment you guys don’t have a serious case yet, and sheesh it’s my boi Reids first day relax you’re gonna scare him off like you did his friend.” He was shocked. “ We’ve overstayed our welcome,” Khyra whispered . The door was still open . We shrugged, “ gotta blast.” Immediately we sprinted out yelling, “ next time we want our boxes!!!” People tried to stop us but we were able to get to the gogo cart just in time. We waved as we slowly began moving through time.

[ibraddersday-blog]

20 years so far.

Hi, my name is Bradley Day. Never received a middle name, guess my parents were too lazy. It is currently 12:53pm as I write this on Friday 16th August of 2019, and to be honest I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm about to explain what I have experienced over the past 20 years frankly because, I know 2 people my age who are like me, the rest are so uptight about who they think they are on their online personas and social media reputations. so I want to find more like me.

in this post im giving you real, the embarrassing, humiliating, funny but stupid truth about my life. seems like thats the only thing that you can't really find anymore... honesty. 

I was born in basildon hospital in Essex on the 10th of November 1998, my mother is Heidi Day, my father being James Day (actual name is Jimmy but we stick to James) I have a older sister called Rebecca Day. apparently I was born with a skin condition were I didn't get enough vitamins which means I was born yellow, a little English asian baby as you will. had to be sat next to a window to get natural vitamins from the sun. but that was all cleared up as a baby and I dont remember it so not important. 

as far as I remember we were a happy family, I was a little shit for my parents but hey I didn't ask to be born. I've never said this but im very thankful for my parents, as a family we went through a few hardships and money never came easy, and no matter what my mum and dad always went out to work and make an honest living to keep a roof over my head and food on the table, people say thats a luxury and may berate us saying thats not hard, but the hard truth is, if you had to worry about where your next meal came from as a kid, your parents didn't work hard enough, and ill be dammed if I let my kids starve a day just because I go lazy for a day.

but out of this happy hardworking family it all changed when I was 4-5, my mum and dad divorced, my dad left and it was me, mum and becky in one house, my dad always tried his best to make it work for him and us. we got by it was just a couple who fell out of love, it's always bummed me out but thats life, move on. 

Thats when I met Lindsey who is now a second mother to me, I made her life hell for a lot of years and so did my sister, Linds if you ever read this im sorry, im sorry for never being the kid you wanted because you couldn't have children and wanted to take on me and becky so you could feel loved as a mother, im sorry I tested your patience every chance I got, im sorry you felt you had to buy me a brand to xbox when the disk tray on mine broke (but thank you cose it was an awesome thing to do) but for most of all, im sorry for never having the guts to admit to you in person how much you really mean to me or impacted my life, you gave me chance after chance at your work and im sorry for letting you down. now for what im thankful for. thank you for kicking me up the ass to do my homework, thank you for putting plasters all over me when I've hurt myself doing something else stupid, thank you for coming with me to the hospital when I got run over just down the road and following matt down countless alleys, thank you for letting my friends come over whenever they wanted as a place to hang out and chill and chat, thank you for not telling mum that there was a grinder in my room when I went back to living at mums, but for most of all, thank you being full of advice, thank you for the honesty you poses wether it hurt or not you were always honest with me, I hope one day I can repay you for all the things you have done for me over the 15\16 years of knowing you, I love you very much. 

school... ugh, primary okay, secondary Jesus Christ what a shit show, now im not stupid but im not smart, education is not my path Im a natural worker and always have been, don’t do suits and smiles I do hi viz clothing and “oh fuck you slag’ spent the better part of it arguing with teachers and trying to be someone im not just to fit in. I had my fair share of bullying but you take it like a man and thats it but back then I thought my world had been crushed, ridiculous I know, kids if you’re being bullied now it may not seem it but it really dont fucking matter, its school thats how it is if you dont like learn from home. now I got pretty bad at one point and made a video and put it online, about how im being bullied and how pissed and upset it Made me and so on, well the school found out and I was forced to remove it, should of just told them too fuck off but it was just hassle that I couldn't be arsed with. year 11 soon flies around and boom left with nothing... great, now college level 1 sport how fucking normal right. well sussed level 1 dropped level 2. 

now work. for the next 2 years I dosed about and went through 8 jobs... yes thats right fucking eight until one came by and that is TGIS at lakeside retail park, now it was a shit job but it taught me a lot, it taught me team work, pace, the importance of showing up for shifts, how vital I am as a cog in that machine,   it taught me how punctuality means everything, I mean I got employee of the month in my first month working there for god sake I pushed hard and getting a reward like that it really hit home, as I never really got anything like that before, I got home and cried in bed as I was so happy for that for once in my life someones recognised me for me and how hard I work, it still gets to me writing this, it means a lot to someone like me. I've since left there for a better job and found one at a container shipping company driving cranes, and I gotta say I think this Is the place I’ll make a career out of, its great pay, get great hours and there are some great guys there who I've grown to become friends with. after countless let downs in my life I’m happy to say I've found somewhere I belong and love. the people I wanna say thank you for are Lex A and Jack R, I love you boys you really pulled me through at TGIS, even though we argued a lot I still value you two a lot. 

now for my life outside of work. I have a few friends being Michael, jack, James and josh. these are the people who are like me, hard working and are making a name for themselves with the help of no-one else. we have all faced great hardships in life and really push to get what we want. but with my friends that want is wanting to get a shitty old RWD and drift it into walls for a laugh, it is pretty funny to be honest. honestly I can say these boys are like family to me they mean more to me than they know and id be there for them in a second if they need me. jack is my longest friend though, we've been friends for 15 years, we met in year 1 in primary school and never stopped since, I would go Into details but its now 1:30am and im tired. 

relationships... I can't do them. dont get me wrong I love the idea of them and would love to be in one but I simply can't do it, I can't deal with other peoples shit as well as my own as I've always dealt with mine on my own not needing someone else, and girls are weird about that shit, all emotional and shit, grow up and move on life is tough if you dont like it theres many ways out, I dont do sorrow or sympathy. but marriage scares me, it freaks me out im not even kidding, the idea of being forced by law to be in a relationship with someone and if the love dies they can take all your shit fucking scares me! who wouldn't be frightened by that! maybe one day ill get over it and take a leap of faith with someone I love but why knows ay. 

and for now right this very second. im happy with who I am, I have nice car, a good job, im single but happily, its easier and less stressful, the key to happiness is a stress free life after all. yeah I may be bit tubby and not in great shape, but im happy with myself and who I see in the mirror, because I know im going to be okay, ill work through my problems that happen in my life, and in the end ill know ill always be okay. 

to whoever is reading this. just know life is easy, the key to happiness is being okay with who you are. yeah theres always improvements that could be made, but if you got a roof over your head, working water and food on the table, you’re doing pretty good in life. just picture life as an English country lane, for the most part its gonna be rocky and bumpy with loads of big potholes but theres always the parts where the road is smooth and freshly done, just gotta keep hanging on to those moments before your turning is up on to the straight and narrow bud, keep pushing and working hard boys and girls, like I was always told “stop being a pussy and get what you want” 

probably be my only ever post here so yeah, maybe someone will read it, who knows!

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

NOTE:  Welcome to the future! We thought today was a good day to provide a much sooner update for our McFly girls (even if you won't see much of Elsa this chapter). Enjoy some plot and self-reflection!

The drive to Doc Pabbie's house was quiet. Anna was made to pull out a gigantic book of maps – "It's an atlas, Vic- Tori. Gosh. How tiny is your town?" "Heh… yeah…" – to navigate the streets. It wasn't until they arrived at the Doc's surprisingly normal-looking house – much nicer than the little shack he holed up in by the time 2015 came around – that either said anything of actual substance.

Anna had opened the door, hand coming to unclip the belt, when Elsa's fingers touched the backs of hers. "Will… will I see you at school?" she asked, looking at once very small and vulnerable.

Anna swallowed. What could she say? Blinking, she tried to urge the tears away. Tonight had been… well, eye-opening. But she had no intention of staying longer than necessary. She didn't belong in this time.

So instead, she offered a little shrug. "I'll uh, I'll see what Doc can do about maybe enrolling me. I don't think I'll be around long enough for that, but maybe…"

"I see…" There was a valiant effort at hiding her disappointment as her mother nodded. "Thank you for hanging out with me for a while," she began softly. "Hopefully you and your mom can sort all that out. I mean, at least you had the courage to tell her. My parents…" She shook her head, and didn't continue.

"Y-yeah… I- same. They know but they don't love it. But, I guess… knowing you don't hate me is nice. It's almost the same, heh." She gave one last smile before throwing herself from the car, not giving Elsa a chance to respond to her cryptic words.

However, there was one little hitch Anna hadn't anticipated. When she got to the top of the walk and knocked on Doc's door, she glanced back to see Elsa waiting. Making sure she got inside safe and sound. Ordinarily, the gesture would be touching, but right now it was inconvenient. How was she supposed to get Doc to let her in so she could explain?

As it turned out, that didn't seem to be a problem. The man opened the door… and displayed himself to be wearing a glowing contraption on his head that made him look like an extra in a low-budget sci-fi flick. Immediately, he grasped Anna's shoulder.

"Don't say a word!"

"Uh, I-"

And then she was being jerked inside.

                                                ~ o ~

It took the better part of an hour for Anna to get Doc to listen to her. First, because he was trying to read her thoughts through a suction cup and focused completely on the task at hand, and then because he flat out didn't believe her. No matter what she said, no matter what she showed him from her wallet – her driver's license, social security card, student ID, family photo from the Grand Canyon – he didn't seem to buy it.

Until she finally saw the bandage on his forehead. "Hey, where'd you get that?"

"None of your business," he grumbled, trying to steer her toward the front door. She was still trying to get over how much blonder his hair was, how young his skin looked. "Now then, Future Girl, if you're through spinning tall tales, I need to get back to a few of my experiments. But thank you for a night's entertainment!"

"You don't have to tell me. I already know." The progression came back to her, and she held up a finger and pointed it straight at his face. "You were hanging a clock in your bathroom, standing on the toilet, and you slipped and hit your head on the sink. And while you were unconscious, you had a dream about the flux capacitor! Which… is what makes… time…"

Her voice faded away as she realised he was goggling at her in shock, already-large eyes looming even larger above her own. The man took a few stumbling steps backwards. For just a second, she worried she had somehow made him angry – until he spoke.

"It… worked? HaHA, IT WORKED!" And then he was completely ignoring Anna, dancing a cheery little jig on the spot with his fists in the air. "An invention of mine worked! Oh, thank the heavens! They told me it would never happen – 'crackpot' indeed!"

"Uh, Doc?" But no, he was too far gone. He seemed barely aware that there was anyone else in the room with him. That is, until she came up and tapped him on the shoulder. "Doc!"

He didn't stop, as such. He just seemed to freeze, waiting for her to continue. With a weary sigh, she slumped.

"This is amazing for you and all, but I just… want to go home. And I don't know what to do; the car's not working, and… and I'm stuck here."

A little at a time, the excitement began to fade – or rather, it was still there but simmering under the surface of compassion and professional interest. "Hmm, I can understand that. As far as years go, 1985 isn't the most exciting thus far. Oh, how are Reagan's policies holding up in the future? Wait, no, don't tell me! Anyway, yes, yes, I owe it to my future self to make sure he finishes the experiment. I assume you need some more gasoline? Or have they figured out perpetual motion by then, the unified field theory? Cold fusion?"

Chuckling to himself, he looked at Anna expectantly. Looking away, she mumbled something under her breath.

"I'm sorry, dear, didn't catch that."

"We're gonna need some, uh… plutonium…"

His eyebrows raised up toward his much-lower hairline. "Really? Well, I'm afraid that what's left of my family fortune won't pay for THAT. Though by the 2000s, I'm sure you can find plutonium at any corner drugstore."

"Not… exactly." Then she cleared her throat. "Anyway, I, um… I think something's wrong with the starter. I parked it in a garage in an empty house; it's supposed to be MY house but nobody lives there. So maybe we can just stick a new starter in it, and we'll be good? Maybe there's some plutonium left in the back? I dunno…"

"Over in Aren Estates, or Hilldale?" He wasn't paying close attention, but at least he was following along, pacing up and down. "Yes… that's safe enough for the time being. We'll wait until after midnight and then drive over there to haul it back here with my van and I can examine the problem firsthand."

"Aren Estates. Doc, this isn't just some experiment; I'm really worried about this. This is my whole life we're talking about!"

"Well, first thing's first; we get the time machine safely tucked away in my garage. Then we can see if there's an alternate fuel method to replace…" Again, he shook his head and laughed weakly, beside himself. "Plutonium. It's so gloriously simple; a nuclear reaction would definitely generate plenty of power, if it could be adequately contained. Now we just have to figure out how much is needed."

Sitting a little straighter, she said, "Oh, that'll be easy. Doc – er, my Doc – made me record the experiment so we have footage. Though, I'm not sure how we'll get an SD card to work with your… older equipment."

At that, his eyes lit up, and the reason was obvious. Anna would love a chance to see future-technology, so she could only imagine how an actual scientist felt. Still, it wasn't really going to be as exciting as he probably hoped it was.

"This is indeed a rare treat! Now the only thing to do is repair your vehicle and send you back. I'm just glad something of mine worked, to be quite honest," he said. The self-deprecation was evident, and Anna's heart went out to him. Having so many unfounded theories and being known for it throughout the entire town was probably lonely.

"Yeah, Doc, I get you. How about I run into town tomorrow and get us a cake or something? Like, we should be celebrating a successful test, right? Even if I'm still stuck in-"

"Oh no! No, no, no, my dear girl. You can't set a toe outside this house! It's a good thing you came straight here. If you had spoken to anyone, you may have accidentally altered the course of history. Your future! Even speaking to me isn't without its pitfalls, but I understand it's unavoidable…"

Anna froze. Doc didn't notice for a moment. He was still waffling on about butterflies this and chaos that, but when Anna ceased to engage, he finally noticed and slowly turned to her.

"You… did come straight here, right?"

"Well… sorta?" When Doc didn't say anything, and the silence grew too heavy, she swallowed and pressed on. "I was going to – I went to your house, the one you live in in 2015, but you weren't there. Someone else was. S-so, um, that's one person. Then I went to a café and looked you up in the people direc- phone book. But then, er… things happened?" He stared more, knowing she wasn't finished, and her head dipped a little lower. "Long story short, I talked to my dad and the mayor, then I was hit by a car and woke up next to… my mom…"

"Your MOTHER?!" Doc exclaimed this in the same tone of voice as most people would say 'You've been SHOT?!', and Anna winced at the sharpness the volume. After a moment of shock in his face, he finally shook himself and stumbled over to grasped her shoulders. "And your father?"

"Hey, it's not like they knew it was me! Mom thinks my name's Victoria, for fuck's sake!"

"Let me see that photograph – the one in your wallet." Anna wasted no time whipping it out and looking down at the familiar faces of herself, Wendy, and- "AHA!"

"Wait a minute… John's head is gone. What the…?"

"Just as I thought," Doc breathed. His gaze was now distant, his voice hallowed with fear. "Erased from existence. You have altered the course of history; your mother either will never meet your father, or it may be something as simple as a few minutes' delay. The tiniest of divergences in the timeline could be enough to prevent them from ever marrying, falling in love, and conceiving you and your siblings."

"Conceiving me and my- wait, Doc. Are you trying to tell me…" Thinking this deep wasn't Anna's strong suit, but she did her best. "Did I stop myself from ever being born?!"

"In a word – YES!"

Suddenly, the implications weighed down on Anna with the force of a dump truck. "Whoa… this is heavy."

"Well, on the upside, you seem to be adapting to era-appropriate lingo," he muttered, still examining the photo. "What did you do?" He finally turned to look at her. "It's astounding that you could influence so much in so little time. The speed with which the impact on your future has occurred is mind-boggling! If you weren't in danger, I would find it fascinating that it appears to be a rippling effect rather than instantaneous alteration…"

Well, there was no denying it. Pretty soon Anna herself would be erased from existence, too, so it was time to lay all her cards on the table.

"CliffsNotes version: I saved my dad from being hit by Grandpa Baines's car, and instead it hit me. When I woke up my mother was there, uh… kinda sorta… hitting on me? Tried to tell her I already have a girlfriend but it didn't do any good. Oh – and she thinks you're my uncle, by the way, that's my cover."

"She also thinks you're available, from the sounds of it," Pabbie groused. "But how would such a brief meeting with you alter history? Soon you'll just be a faded memory – or you should have been! There must be something else about this that prevents her from creating offspring with your father."

Her father. Oh God. Suddenly the entire evening made sense. This hadn't been any old car accident, it had been The Accident. With capital letters! Sinking low into a chair, Anna had to clear her throat several times in order to speak. By the time she did, Doc was sitting on the coffee table across from her, eyes wide and waiting.

"So like, Mom always tells us the story of how she and my dad met. It was mostly supposed to encourage me not to date since like, 'fate finds a way' or whatever. She thought true love happened like 'that', y'know?" She clicked her fingers. When she looked up at Doc, there was a fierce edge in her eyes. "Grandpa hit me today. Mom put me in her bed, not my dad. She probably doesn't even know who he is…" And now, with her stupid meddling… would Elsa even be interested in Kristoff? It certainly didn't seem like it.

"This is very unfortunate. If she is fixated on you in the same manner in which she was fixated on your father because of the incident with the car, there may be no way to reverse this disaster."

Anna squinted at him for a brief moment. "Um… I gotta say, I'm surprised you're taking it so well that my own mother is trying to bang me. Also, that we're both girls. Also, time travel." Although, it was starting to make sense. It was obvious that Grandma and Grandpa Baines disapproved of "alternate lifestyles", so the younger version of her mother would probably jump at the chance to "fall" for a boy.

Convince herself it was a phase. Where had she heard that before?

Doc's hand waved back and forth as he began pacing again. "Oh, homosexuality has been a facet of human culture ever since humanity existed. Haven't you ever read up on Ancient Greece, or Rome? Really nothing new under the sun, Future Girl."

"I suck at history." But now she thought maybe she should look into that. Something about scientific observation of homosexuality in a variety of animal species flickered in the back of Anna's mind, which would probably also help explain his nonchalance. Shaking her head to rid it of the stray thoughts fluttering around inside, she then said, "A-alright. Um… so what should we do? There has to be some way we can at least try to get them back together!"

"We'll have to observe them. Figure out a time and place that we could interfere again; normally, I would refuse to do that, but with the damage to the timeline already so severe, and your life at stake…" Sighing, he glanced at her briefly. "You seem like a nice young girl, but the consequences are far more dire than simply your life. Failing to rectify your mistake, or doing so in a way that only made everything worse, would create a time paradox."

"Pair of what?"

"How can I put this in terms an average high school student would understand?" He muttered to himself for a moment, ticking off numbers on his fingers. Then he turned and pointed at her chest, eyes wide with the hope that he had adequately translated from Doc to Anna in his head. "If you aren't born, and therefore aren't alive to assist me with my time experiment in 2015, then you can't come back to this point in time, and undo your own birth. That's impossible. Since it's impossible, time itself will cease to exist; it will cause a chain reaction that will most likely destroy the very fabric of the entire universe."

"I… I could have done all that by going to get a goddamn milkshake with my mom?!"

"Precisely!"

"I…" Groaning, she buried her face in her hands. "Why me?"

"Why you, indeed. In any case, our objective is now clear: we have to get your parents together before we send you back, and we need to figure out how best to do that without causing further divergence from the prime timeline."

"Diverwha?"

"Making a bigger mess."

"Okay, when you put it like that, it doesn't seem so bad. Not easy, but not the worst; I can just introduce them. 'Haaaave you met Kristoff?'"

Pabbie snorted, shaking his head. "My dear girl. No, it wouldn't usually be that hard, however we're on a schedule. Did your mother ever mention a moment where she knew she was infatuated? Did your father propose at a particular time, or did they do er, something to cement their feelings of love? Perhaps they were tracking when your mother was ovulating so their love-making would stand the greatest chance of-"

Letting out a horrified gag, Anna cried, "Eww, ewwwww, Doc! You think I wanna think about my mom's ovulation?!"

Still, the thought was less horrifying than it would have been a year ago. Here she had actual proof that her parents weren't always old and gross. That they were her age and did usual teenage things like getting milkshakes with their crush – and had needs and they did things to sate said needs. A soft warmth began to build just below her navel as she thought about that thirsty look in her mother's eyes…

God. No more of that, ever, if possible. Sucking in a breath, Anna forced herself to focus.

"There was a… a thing. They kissed for the first time at it or something. I don't remember the name, though… man, I must have heard the story a million times. Why can't I remember right now?"

"That's quite all right. Chances are, it's months away; just try to think about it a little each day and I'm sure it will come back to you, or you'll notice something that jogs your memory. The reason your brother began disappearing so fast is just that you tossed the first big boulder into the stream; it's not a full and complete beaver dam yet. There must be a chance to fix what you have broken or you would already be gone."

Her stomach seemed to disappear at that thought. In fact, Anna pressed her hands into it to make sure it didn't really disappear.

"Come now, we had better go and find your car before some unwitting realtor does and tries to sell it with the house to boot! And then we'll see what's wrong with it, and make plans to fix your future!"

Throwing up her hands, she turned to follow him to his own garage. "You're the doc, Doc."

                                                ~ o ~

It only took about twenty minutes to get to the model house that would one day be Anna's home. Doc turned off the headlights just before they got there, to draw less undue attention – not that it would make much difference. The place was deserted. They backed the van up to the garage before rigging the DeLorean to be towed behind it.

He was like a kid in a candy store when he saw the machine. Of course, DeLoreans existed in 1985 already, but not ones with time circuits built into the dashboard and flux capacitors in the backseat. Or a small nuclear reactor wired into the engine. Anna smiled, never having remembered seeing him so truly full of glee. He almost seemed upset at having to get back in the van and tow it. Eventually though, they were in Doc's garage with a new problem in front of them.

"Alright," Doc sighed a while later, once they had figured out how to connect the camera to his old TV. The technology was a little too new for him, and a little too old for Anna, but together they figured it out. "This should be fine. Sorry about having to cannibalize that musical device of yours."

"No problem," she sighed, cradling the remains of her iPod. It would either have to be destroyed or taken back to the future with her. "Okay… it should be the third or fourth video file."

"Mmm, 'file' you say? This is a computer chip? Ah – there we are, a visual representation of the data as a picture. What a delightfully intuitive user interface! I had wondered if you all use holograms in the future, but this works."

Doc cycled through them until he found the appropriate video, skipping past other evidence of experiments that he swore he didn't want to know about. Something about 'knowing too much about one's own destiny'. Anna wasn't listening very close. She was barely concentrating at all; she was a little more upset about her poor iPod than she thought she'd be. It had gotten her through some rough nights, at least, and was one of the first things she'd ever bought with her own money.

"GREAT SCOTT!" he cried out suddenly after they had been watching for a few minutes. "ONE POINT TWENTY ONE GIGAWATTS?!"

Falling off her chair at the sudden outburst, Anna blinked up at him as she pushed up onto her elbows. "What the hell is a gigawatt?!"

"It can't be done! I'm sorry, but we're through, we're finished!" Tugging at his own blonde hair, wild as it stood out from his scalp in all directions, he began to pace, then eventually simply left the garage and went back into the main house.

When Anna rejoined him, she saw that he was staring into the gaze of a portrait that hung over his mantle – one of Thomas Edison. "It can't be done, can it, Tom? There's no way! Not without nuclear materials, there's no reasonable facsimile!"

"What, Doc?" she urged him, shaking his shoulder. "What can't be done?"

"This! That! Do you see? Nuclear was the easiest option. And it's nuclear! Unless we can get…" he trailed off, mumbling under his breath for a moment, "eight trillion hamsters, I'm afraid you're out of luck."

"Out of lu- whoa, whoa, wait." Anna's heart more than sunk this time; it shattered. "No, no, Doc. You can't give up now! You- there's gotta be something else, we gotta try!"

"I'm afraid not! It's nuclear or nothing – and I haven't the resources to acquire your precious plutonium! Not without selling this house, and I'm in no position to do that – not to mention it would be highly illegal! How do you think I'm going to fix the time machine if I'm in a federal prison?!"

"But I have a life to get back to! Mom and Dad need me, and…" Did they, though? Never seemed to have before. So she had to think of another motivation for Doc to reunite her with her own time period. Moving closer, she reached into her pocket for the clock tower flyer. "Look, see, I got a girl waiting for me back home." She turned the paper over, showing the phone number with the two little Xs next to them. "I can't– I need to see her again. What'll she do if I just… just vanish and never make it home?"

Doc slumped in a chair, barely giving the paper a glance. "It's impossible. The only other thing of capable of producing the necessary raw power to activate the flux capacitor is… is a bolt of lightning! Unfortunately, you never know where or when one's going to strike! I'll be able to repair the starter, get the automobile running, but without that reaction… you're stuck in the Eighties, Future Girl."

Throwing her hands up, Anna stood and began pacing – maybe she was a little too much like Doc sometimes. She looked down at the sheet of paper, tears beginning to cloud her vision. Even if she managed to get her parents together, she'd still be stuck here in the past. She'd vanish from 2015. Jennifer would never hear from her again. Chances were that no one would even notice aside from her; certainly not her family. Hell, they might even be happy that she was gone.

There were so many other things she would miss out on; so many things she wanted to do, with a very particular person. Actually call her 'girlfriend'. Have a first kiss. And maybe that wouldn't have been a problem if that damned woman from the Preservation Society hadn't interrupted, hadn't all but shoved her goddamned flyer under their noses. But it was too late to worry about-

Her thoughts came grinding to a halt. The flyer. Somehow she had completely forgotten what the stupid thing was for. Eyes widening, she flipped the number around and read over it again, even if she didn't really need the refresher course.

"Doc! DOC! What if we did know when lightning was going to strike?" Running back to him, she shoved it into his hands. "What if we knew the exact time and place? Could that do… I dunno, something?!"

He didn't seem to understand at first, but as he read, his whole face brightened. "Great Scott!" he cried, jumping from his chair.

"Yeah! Scott! I mean, that's good, right?"

"Look out, Miss McFly," he told her with a brand new manic gleam in his eye. "We have some work to do."

                                                To Be Continued…

[supporthosechi]

Visitation Reflection June 21st, 2018

Alisha was nervous about us driving in the rain. She called twice to check on us while we were on the road. It’s about three hours without traffic or under normal weather conditions. It took us a long while to reach the prison because the torrential downpour forced us to take it slow almost the entire way. Using phone calls (anyone who is used to how expensive and precious they are will tell you) to check-in on us was beyond considerate, and was not thrifty. It was touching to be checked-in on, something that we wish we could do for her, whenever the want or need to will arise. Unfortunately calls from prison are just that, from and not to. You have to wait to check up on your loved ones. When a few days go by and there’s silence, you are forced to infer the worst, because of the shitty prison mandated phone usage protocol.

The rain flooded the low roads practically the whole way to Decatur. It was nerve wracking and I felt terrible--we were panicking our friend.

We have not seen Alisha since her (incredible) Shakespeare performance in April and were beyond excited to catch up. We brought zines (Support Ho(s)e Year One, A Survivor: Alisha Walker, and Client & Co-Conspirator) as well as the comic book about our first visit with Alisha called “No One’s Victim,” published by Vice Versa Press, to try and include them in a property drop off (as a property officer had advised me over the phone) since the past four times we’ve tried sending them, they’ve gone missing. We also brought more money for snacks during our visit. As we pulled into the visitor’s parking lot it was really pouring. We grabbed all of our identification, cash, vending machine money card, zines and shoved everything down our shirts as we hurried in the cold rain toward the processing area.

I hate this place. We hate this place. Everyone should hate this place.

We walk in: “What’s that under your shirt?!” A CO yells out as soon as we come in from the storm. A has all of the precious print material we’ve brought for Alisha protected from the rain under his shirt. We look up, “it’s raining, they’re publications we’re dropping off.”  I’ve met these COs on duty at least half a dozen times and they still ask if I’ve visited before. I say yes, they hassle me about my expired driver’s license and my renewal print-off. They hassle us about the zines and comic. This really infuriates us. The zines and comic look “homemade” (they are). We can’t drop them off...we have to mail them in…only “publications” are admitted this way. I plainly explain that they were purchased (they were not) publications. They say that doesn’t matter. I ask what constitutes as “publication.” They say a professionally produced magazine or book. I explain about Vice Versa Press publishing the comic...they say it still looks “homemade,” and the won’t approve it. They tell me I have to mail them.

I raise my voice. I rarely do this.

“I have tried mailing them in. Four times.” They tell me I must be mailing them wrong...Then they look through them more and see a photo of LeLe that appears to be a screen shot of her during a video visitation. They start lecturing me on how this could get her a citation and list-off creative punishments if this is the case. I ask them if they’ve ever used skype or known someone who used skype before they were locked up. They didn’t get my inference so I said I didn’t take a pic of her during a video visit and removed myself from the intake area to go piss before the full screening/inventory. I splash water on my face, I look like shit. I am so fucking angry. We lock up the zines and comic in our locker with our IDs, and it’s A’s turn to take a piss. I go through screening first. The CO begins lecturing me again about video visitation protocol.  

I’m better at playing dumb and nodding this time.

She sends me through to a room where she touches my breasts and makes me take my shoes off. She grabs my hair bun and yanks, “just making sure!” ...Of what, if I feel pain?

A is screened next, I can hear the CO who’s screening him offer a similar lecture. A is better at keeping calm, he always is. We go into the visitation room and LeLe’s wing mate is there having a visit with her brother, his kiddo and another friend. Alisha comes in shortly after this, a complete 180 from our last visit where we waited hours to see her after the play. The kiddo is very interested in us and Alisha for most of our visit, asking questions and dancing around, showing off her daisy barrettes that make truly wonderful sounds as she throws her head around dancing-- they click and clack into each other.

We take a photo. We laugh wildly because LeLe sprang this on us, and quite frankly A and I were not our most photogenic--but of course LeLe was! She had on some gold eyeshadow she had made.

LeLe had her hair done-up differently, in a half-bun; it’s lighter, the sun bleaching it more and more because she’s been working outside, a new job cutting grass that she’s really liking because she’s left alone and gets exercise. She makes $30 a month doing (at least) 8 hour shifts per day, every day. She does the entire prison grounds over the course of the week. Essentially she gets $1 per day for her labor.

She’s giddy and nervous, in a good way. She likes a fellow visitor in the room and it shows. More on that when that fact doesn’t threaten either of them…

She spends the visit mostly talking about wanting to go to college, and talking about the research we’ve been doing on correspondence courses and how she can best get an Associates degree while inside. She updates us on what she’s reading, she’s deep into “Invisible No More” by Andrea Ritchie and she’s revisiting “Soledad Brother: The Prison Letters of George Jackson.” We talked about afrofuturist sci-fi (a genre she adores) and how she’s basically doing upper level college reading already. She reminds us she’s still got like 60 books from supporters for her birthday to go through, and how thankful she is for this.

As an aside--after she reads a book, she donates it to the prison’s library which is woefully understocked and most features self-help books (she despises these) and romance novels (she tolerates these).  

We talk prison medical treatment (we agreed it’s bogus to use the word “care” in relation to anything in a prison) and how fucked it is. She started taking birth control and now she really can’t stand chow hall meat. She’s been craving fruit and juice and yogurt. Things she can only get when we visit and buy them from the vending machines...and that’s if the machines are stocked. Thankfully they are, so we can. She gets her fruit and yogurt fix.

We do our normal organizing debrief to wrap up our visit, filling her in on project ideas, taking cues and inspiration from her thoughts. We talk about the other folx we’ve been talking to inside and what they’re thinking and feeling. She reports back on her contacts some more. It’s like working with someone who can read your mind or at least anticipate the capacity/building/organizing needs. It’s pretty fucking remarkable. That’s gotta be what’s meant by the saying “find your people.” She says she’s ready to be free--she’s been ready. She’s “got work to do.” 

- Red 

[entitledunemployedmillennial]

Networking and meeting up to a brick wall.

It’s a cliche saying but it’s true. It’s not what you know, but who you know. In this job market it’s now a practical requirement: You have to know someone that is willing and able to help you get a job. And when I mean get a job I mean willing and able to vouch for you to get past the HR gatekeepers and recruiters straight to the hiring manager for a interview that is merely a formality. Here’s the thing, I know people but at the same time, they refuse to reciprocate or in some cases even bother to reply to their messages.

I tried several times to network with friends, family, co-workers, via  linkedin and facebook and with meetup groups. This is because most jobs are gained via networks and connections. They often times bypass HR and the resume is headed straight to the hiring manager.

In practice, most of the people I talk to, some of them who I know for years often times do not even bother replying me back or ignore my emails after an initial reply. Or in some cases after I talk to them about how’s their life going or how’s their day going, as soon as I mention the word “job” or “I’m seeking work” the conversation drops instantly, and any follow up conversations are not replied to at all.

In some cases, supervisors who you work for, even for example one of my supervisors who know your situation, and known you will not help, or insensitively enough give a platitude word salad just to keep themselves bummed out. Almost all of them will not lift a finger to help or claim that they don’t know anything, even though they have networks of people that he could tape into for help!

But in practice, you can help people or offer them or be their support, and when it comes to their time of need, they will not recripoate back. They can choose to because they can willfully choose not to stick out their necks or expand their social capital to help them because it would be too much “work”. Even if the person would be homeless or penniless.

In short they attempted help and instead of trying harder, they throw their hands up after encountering failure, ghosted, or then contacted me briefly to ghost me after a minute so they can feel good about themselves.

Linkedin is one of the worst cases of networking. So many recruiters and people network or connect me to. But when I message them for any reason. My messages are ignored. Even a simple greeting goes unanswered. This is for a good reason, most people tend to use Linkedin as another facebook and use people they connect to as numbers.

Even recruiters play the same crap as they contact you over and over. Or ask for connections and when you ask them why, they will not reply. The only reason why they will contact you is during your birthday or a job change. That’s it.

Now let me give you an example of two networking attempts I did which led me to a brickwall. First one was a DC Hackerspace and another from a Professional meetup in a club.

The first one, they either have no job, unemployed or retired. The hackspace is located in a church. I visited the first time, but no one was there even though it was open season. The hackerspace was fully equipped. With machines and books one of them was a 3d printer, a computer able to play 3d games And also books on technology and linux.

So I’ve visited the next time and I had there were more people. I’ve actually talked to people saw what they did over and over again. But one of them I could tell that explaining what I go through I can tell that her concern was fake. All she could say every time was “That sucks”. “That sucks”, no sense of urgency no sense of any actual concern.

One of them suggested that I should just walk into a homeless shelter if I could not deal with my parents anymore. I asked my ID is maryland, they simply tell me just not show it.

I’ve check out a VR thing, which is something that I can’t afford ever. I could not remember what the game was but it was a shooting game but I can remember it was the facebook made oculus vr.

Eventually I did had one person who was a had a job and who offered to help. She told me that her job was with devops. And I gave her my resume. And she told me that she will gety back to me.

Of course, she never did.

Then she told me all she knows is devops not linux, and the that the devops jobs was with TekSystems and I had to apply with them. I actually did saw the job, and applied for it and they never hear back.

For the second one. It was via meetup.com And it was professional meetup basically a bunch a group of young professionals meeting up in a bar to socialize, network with a free lesson of  salsa lessons. I had no interest in salsa, i came to network and socialize I came to talk.

So I came in, and no one came because i came early. So I waited and waited some more for people to come. I just read news articles on my phone while I waited. I socialize with them, soften them up. Introduced myself, allowed them to introduce themselves to my background. But it’s the same situation, they claim they don’t know anyone. Or they’re unemployed themselves and just got into the city or they know they have jobs but not in a position to help.

Or I finally found someone who cant talk to. I did the same script to him. And he told me about his company what it does. He claims that there were internships available. So he gave me the website name and his email address.

The next day I went to the website and there were not internships but actual jobs, so I’ve applied to one. And then tried to email him about it. But apparently I found out that he gave me the short email instead the full email. I did emailed him with the full email.

Email me say that a recruiter will call back. After time the recruiter will not come, so you inform him of your status, only to find out that he has ghosted you. I sent him another email, only to for me to realize he had no interest replying.

Oh one more thing. There was actually a supervisor that I worked with in my last time for over a year. Which he quit and went to another comapny. Then as I was laid off, he got into the same comapny that could not pick me up. I’ve been contracting this guy for months regarding my situation and worst thing is that he knows what I’ve been going through for the parents.

You know what he finally replied with, he basically tells me that he could not help me at all. And puits downs a bunch of fake plattiudes because he knows thaty I’m going to be homeless.

Oh and linkedin. I did everything everone usggest it. But people tend to use it as another facebook. And recruits demand you to be connected to you so they can be seen as a number. Even if you contact a recreuiter from months ago following up they will claiom not to help

Even staff members who know me from the University of Maryland, my alma matter. They try to help, they told me that know someone for work oppotunites. But when I follow up with them, they told that they don’t know any or told me to keep checking. They did pointed out to a oppotunity to be a IT specialist, but I realized after I applied that the application was past the review date.

People who you know and talk to for years seem to disappear when you mention job or employment. As soon as you see the work employment, they will ghost you for that conversation. Because it’s better to disappear than to admit that you don’t have anything.

[fairyshuuu]

Blurred pt2

Length: 2.8k Genre: Angst Warnings: Mentions of death This is a continuation of a one-shot of mine called Made of Memories, I would recommend you read that before this, which is why I consider it part 1.

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 //

You let out a small breath, pulling your hood up against the soft fluffy snowflakes, while you cross the street. Your jacket pullet tight around you, you get into the small silver car. When you shut the door behind you, you lean back a bit, closing your eyes. You probably shouldn’t have started work this soon again, but you couldn’t sit home all day.

Sighing in defeat, you open your eyes again, pushing the keys in, twisting them to start the car. It makes a lot of noise, but the motor doesn’t start, while you push your hair away in frustration. Stupid rental cars. You try again, biting your lip. The car starts, before falling back into silence, while you groan. You should have just taken your old car.

Your stomach twists at the image of the car though. The poppy red dyed mustang, with it’s silver wheel knobs and beige leather interior. It was a secondhand sale, and Baekhyun had never been as excited to buy anything, ever. He was like a child on Christmas day, big eyes blinking his long lashes as he explains his amazing steal find. Now though, when you think of that car, you can only see him sitting in the driver's seat, as he smiles at you while he drives.

He always looked so at ease when driving, head leaned back a bit, as his fluffy black hair just falls into his eyes. His elegant long fingers around the wheel loosely, casually, as you rest your head against his shoulder, pointing out the constellations as the two of you drive back from some random art show. His thumb gliding affectionately over your thigh, as his eyes don’t leave the road.

It’s hard to imagine yourself in that car, without crying, so you take a rental. It’s a piece of trash, but at least it doesn’t make you cry. As you twist the key again, you silently pray for the machine to work with, just sighing in defeat when it doesn’t. Soft music fills the car though, and you look over at your bag in the passenger’s seat, leaning over to pick out your phone.

You take a breath when you look at the caller ID, closing your eyes as you pull the phone to your ear hesitantly. You sigh deeply, before your vocal chords work with, trying to keep your voice stable and your thoughts neutral. “Y/N speaking.”

There’s a quiet ruffle from the other side, before a soft, deep voice comes through. “Hey.”

Your eyes flutter ever so slightly, while you focus on the sounds of the cars passing, before blowing out your words as naturally as you can manage. “Hey, Chanyeol. How are you?” You know your voice sounds dull, but you can’t help it, not wanting to put up a show for your best friend.

He hums softly, as if he’s thinking of sparing your feelings, but he clearly decides against it. It wouldn’t help anyway. “Like shit. But I called to ask you how you were, not to discuss me. So, how- Are you feeling any better at all? I heard you started work again.”

You sigh, running fingers through your hair, before answering. “I’m nowhere near better, but I appreciate the thought. I just-“ You pause, breathing deeply. “I thought that if I could get myself to focus on other things, the pain would subside for a bit. But it won’t just go away like that, will it?” There’s a pause on the other side of the line, but he probably doesn’t know what to say to that, so you softly continue. “I went to try today, I couldn’t- I couldn’t be home the entire day, it would’ve driven me insane.”

Chanyeol stays silent, and you can almost see his soft expression, before he seems to rub his face. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s my own fault.” It is your own fault for choosing to stay there for now. You could have stayed anywhere else, but you seemed to like to torment yourself. With good reason, though.

“You can always stay here, you know. I know it doesn’t feel like home, but- I think it could be less painful.” He trails off a bit, before softly adding a small comment. “And I- I think I need someone here too. I don’t want to be alone, it hurts.”

This feels like a punch in your stomach, since you know this. You know that Chanyeol is suffering at least as much as you are. You are just as much Chanyeol’s friend as he is yours, and he’s there for you all the time. The least you can do is give him back that support. And getting out of the house would probably be best, since you haven’t told Chanyeol how your days have been completely flipped upside down. He would worry if he knew, which is why you haven’t told him yet. You know this is not healthy though.

Chanyeol continues softly when you don’t answer after a bit. “Just think about it.” A soft breath, and then the sound of a car passing. “How is your foot?”

You had cut your foot after the burial, when you had dropped a mug to the ground. The stone had shattered into small shards, one of them cutting the side of your foot open. It had hurt, but you didn’t mind, since it allowed you to focus on the physical pain, instead of the mental anguish. “It’s alright. When I put pressure on it, it hurts, but I’ll be fine.”

You both just sit in a careful silence after that, neither knowing what to say. What can you say in this situation? You are both sad, you are both deeply hurt, you are both left alone, and nothing can make it better. You miss Baekhyun. Baekhyun is gone. You want him back. Nature doesn’t work that way.

Eventually, Chanyeol breathes out deeply, sounding tired. “I miss him too.”

You clear your throat, as you tilt your head back when tears start pooling in your eyes. “I didn’t say anything yet.”

Your best friend breathes out playfully, almost a faint smile somewhere in his voice. “You forget that I know you better than most people.”

You smile softly, lips straining from the motion. “I would never forget.” Your voice sounds teasing as well, and you suddenly fall silent as you hear it. It felt wrong, painfully so, days after Baekhyun’s death. You look out of the window then, focusing on the soft bustling sounds of the city around.

Chanyeol senses your change in mood, you know, and you wonder if he feels the same. If he feels wrong like this as well, talking like nothing ever happened. Probably not. Chanyeol, in times of grief, hides. He hides behind himself, acting like he’s fine, like he’s alright, even when he’s not. It’s admirable, to have that much self-control. You just break down. It’s freeing, somewhat, but it still doesn’t take away the hurt.

“Don’t forget to eat, tonight. And if you feel like you need someone, I’m here, you know me. I- I’m glad you’re getting out of the house.”

“You too, Yeol. I know how you are. Eat, sleep, please. No one could’ve stopped what happened.” It’s true. No one could’ve stopped the truck from driving straight into another car and hitting Baekhyun in the process. You wish you could have, though. You wish you could have taken his place. You close your eyes quickly, putting your free hand to hide your face and try to keep your voice steady, while tears are brimming at the edges of your eyes. “I’m gonna go, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol seems to want to say something, but doesn’t, sighing deeply. “Drive safe.”

Once the call ends, you drop your phone, pulling your face to your knees, as tears spill out. Now that Chanyeol is gone to keep your thoughts at bay, they all come back like a wave, smashing into you. If anyone would have deserved a second chance, it would have been Baekhyun. Your body shakes softly as you push your palms to your face harder, trying to stop the memories.

Baekhyun, sitting in the couch when you come back from work, in a white shirt and Pokémon boxers. He grins widely when you enter, his bright red hair a mess, flopping into his eyes as he jumps up to greet you. His hands wrap around your waist immediately, as he presses two chaste kisses to your neck. “Welcome home. I missed you.”

You smile softly, running your fingers over his cheeks, as he pulls back. He looks perfect, his brown eyes lighting up while you lean forward to kiss him. He hums softly into the kiss, pulling you closer, as you giggle at his sudden neediness. When you pull back, his lips are slightly red, and his cheeks too.

He slides his fingers between yours, biting his lip while he looks back, before pulling you with. Softly letting go next to the grand piano, where he takes a seat, smiling up at you. You pop out your hip as you brush his hair back, as a soft giggle escapes his lips.

He straightens up a bit, before placing his hands on the keys, humming softly when he starts to play. “I wrote something. Listen well.” He grins, a childlike joy on his face, while the evening glow hits his face. The melody is soft, and frail, as his fingers almost ghost over the keys, before he starts singing.

I was looking yesterday

At a painting

A painting called you

For me alone

You are so beautiful

Like the first snow

Why do I

Deserve you

My sleeping angel

I want to tell you

How much you are worth

But no price is enough

My sleeping angel

When you wake up

Don’t fly away from me

I adore you

Your heart winces, as you sit in silence, weeping. If anyone should have gotten a second chance, it should have been Baekhyun. You cry for him, for his smile, for his love, for losing him, all over again. And it hurts, so much more than anyone told you it would. Minutes tick by, as you cry, hands in your hair. Eventually, your tears stop, though the hurt doesn’t. You don’t move for what feels like an eternity. Eventually though, you feel like getting away from this place. You groan as you look in the back view mirror, wiping away your smudged mascara, and run a hand through your hair.

When you turn the key this time, the car starts, after some struggling. The entire way home, you are mindless, lost in yourself as you turn the corners. You should stay with Chanyeol. You should, since you still see Baekhyun at home. And even though he looks real, you know he’s not. Which is why you cut your foot. Which is why you cry when falling asleep at night.

You still see him, painted as a beautiful, perfect image, when coming home. You still hear him, and you are relying on it, which isn’t fair. Your mind is playing tricks, that’s all it is, but he looks so real, and your heart aches to touch him. The one time you tried though, he just faded, confused, and you didn’t see him for two full days.

Coming home now, the sun sinking to give everything a golden glow, you hurt at the idea. That your heart is so shattered, that it would rather pretend to still have him there, than to admit reality. You twist the key with a heavy heart, walking inside the dark hallway, and pull off your shoes, bathing in his smell, his warmth.

It still feels like Baekhyun was here just hours ago, but you know that’s not true. The accident was eight days ago, and people are starting to wonder when you will move on. Which is funny, since you don’t want to move on. It’s ironic, since you don’t know how to move on when he’s still there for you. You think it’s asking too much, since you won’t ever be able to forget him.

The house is silent, apart from you moving around in the dimming light, so when you hear a sound, it scares you at first. It quickly twists your mood though. And when you turn, you see him. Black hair, glowy skin, a white button-down and some black pants. He looks angelic, and for a moment you think that he could be. For a moment you think he’s an angel come down to take you with, or at least to take the pain away. His big eyes sparkle ever so slightly, more gray than the deep brown you are used to, his entire shape softly illuminated, like waves of a silver glow pass over his body, and he looks more virtuous than you think you could have ever imagined him. That’s before he speaks though, since that makes you think that he’s the devil. Someone trying to play with your heart and emotions.

He lets out a soft breath, while his lips pull up into a soft smile. His hands are dangling unsurely next to his body, though he looks like he wants to reach out. And then his lips move, words softly reaching you. “Welcome home.”

You sigh, pulling your eyes away from him, as you remember his words over and over again, how he would say them every time you got home from work. This had to be what your brain was making from those memories, hoping it would help you cope. You know this, but you feel like speaking it out loud, making it solid, convincing yourself. “You are not real.”

Baekhyun stands, confused, his eyebrows pulling together as he licks his lips. Your words seem to resonate in him, making him think. He hesitates slightly, eyes not leaving yours, and then softly responds. “I feel real.”

You stare at him as he talks back, since it seems out of place. How could a mirage, an imagination, respond to something you say? How could it have the cognitive thought to feel? You run a shaky hand through your hair, keeping your eyes on him. You had never dared to engage in conversation with him before. Your voice cracks as you stare at him, fingers fisting into your sweater, as if trying to protect yourself. “Why are you here?”

Again, he seems confused, looking around. His eyes take in everything while you stare at him, trying to calm your heartbeat. Eventually, his eyes find yours again, while he tilts his head sideways a bit, shakily answering again. “I- I don’t know. Everything is blurry. I know you though.” He takes a careful step closer, intertwining his hands in front of him. “Why do you leave all the time?”

You want to answer, but suddenly pause. Leave? If he was something from your imagination, he should be with you at all times, should he not? You clear your voice a bit, looking up at him with wide, watery eyes. “Being here scares me.”

Baekhyun pauses, reflecting your posture, before pouting a bit. You think of his pout, which makes your eyes water, but you keep strong, biting your lip to keep them back. After a second, Baekhyun answers, his soft voice sounding small and scared. “Being without you scares me. Can you stay here?”

The question seems stupid, idiotic, yet still your fingers tingle with the idea of turning him down. Yet, your rational senses are screaming at you. You couldn't do that. It would make you go insane, staying here all by yourself. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Baekhyun. You are not real. This is not healthy for me.”

This only seems to confuse him more, his eyes widening slightly as he walks toward you. The frown on his face fades only slightly, when his eyes flick all over your face. “Why?”

Tears suddenly come back, because you know the answer. Speaking it out loud hurts though, since it makes it more real. “Because you are dead, Baekhyun! You are not really here, and knowing that, you are hurting me.”

His eyes widen, as he takes a step back, looking down. He seems a bit fuzzy around the edges, growing more and more distant, as he looks back at you. His eyes are watery, confused, and you want to punch yourself for hurting him. Before you can though, his figure fades. He seems to panic when he notices, reaching out a hand to hold onto you desperately, as he calls out. “No, wait.”

You reach for him, but your hand slides through, unable to grab hold of him, and then he’s gone. You stare at the place he was just stood, tears in your eyes, before you sink to the floor, hands on the cold stone. Your heart beats slowly, while you lean back against the kitchen cupboard, tears rolling down your cheeks. Your voice sounds raspy when you shout out, but you don’t care. “Come back, I’m sorry. Don’t leave me again. Come b-back. Please-” You can’t help yourself from letting the tears pour out, slumping into yourself, as the house falls into a pressing silence again.

--

I hope you enjoyed it! Please let me know what you thought, even a small message can make a ton of difference to me! 

Thank you all for requesting I continue this story, loves, I hope you enjoy what comes next.

[stone-man-warrior]

February 8, 2021: 3:13 pm:

===================================================

Joe Biden terror team on Twitter effectively print up some “Get Out of Jail Free Cards” for their terror operatives. That way, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police who are occupying and controlling all of the State Police Field Offices and State Capitol HQ’s around USA, can make arrests, and look pretty while they do it, as a good little “My Little Pony Dolls and Action Figures” are supposed to look at a Valentines Sale Event at the Hallmark Store.

The terror soldiers and special operatives are all turned loose after the show is over, someone else’s police record is used to ID who was arrested.

That way, the perception of police making arrests, makes them appear as though the fake Canadian Death Squads that they truly are, can remain stealth, while looking like hero’s.

They are all a bunch of Candy Ass Terror Pansies. none of the State Police have any balls.

https://twitter.com/POTUS/status/1358834233184288770

======

3:27 pm:

Joe Biden is not in the White House. He is not US President.

It’s all fake.

Donald Trump was scheduled to continue for awhile, then Mitt Romney was supposed to have been placed somewhere in north America as King of a new nation called “French north American Republic Territory”.

Something has gone wrong with that plan. It’s a plan that is more than fifty years underway,  and was devised by the time Pearl Harbor was said to have been attacked by Japanese.

Donald Trump exploded in a bus in Grants Pass Oregon on January 6, 2021. He is dead.

There is more complication to that, as it is likely that the Donald Trump had already been dead for a number of years, and it was either Lou Dobbs or Sam Donaldson who had been portraying Donald Trump as US President.

Who ever it really was is not as important as is the idea that the perceived US President was killed on January 6 in Oregon, no one has noticed, and instead of any truth showing up, the SAG media rolled out a pre-packaged event, all filmed many years ago, claiming that the White House had been raided by members of the band “Village People” doing a cover of their own song, YMCA.

All of that bullshit is still continuing with more ridiculous fake news stories.

They are going to have an impeachment trial tomorrow, so they say.

It’s all pre-arraged. All of whatever will be presented is derived of edited bits of old video.

A national distraction.

Circus performance.

Dog & Pony Show.

There will be other entertainment on the side at “The Midway” somewhere else, while the national distraction draws in victims to a show that is not really there.

Kauai Ranch is where the action is. That is where the show is controlled from, the puppet masters are tucked away on a tropical paradise, while the puppets do as they are told to do around the nation.

Kauai Ranch has a natural border of the Pacific Ocean to protect the Puppet Masters (Amp Guru) from any surprise visits.

Commands from there, are sorted out and deployed from Hollywood mostly for USA terror.

California terror leaders put a fence around California, it works the same way as does the Pacific Ocean.

The “Agricultural Checkpoints” that are positioned at every entrance to California are there specifically to ensure that Hollywood does not get any surprise visitors, everyone needs to check in with the Agricultural Checkpoint Officers.

Two pieces of California Hollywood Command Center Defensive installations put in place to protect terrorists at the command leading levels from surprises, in Hollywood.

They told everyone that this little bug was going to kill all of the food.

They went door to door, and house to house to spray every tree in every yard in every neighborhood in San Fernando Valley, with insecticide.

They did not go into the forests, or into any remote areas to spray every tree, they only sprayed the residential housing area trees, for the Take-Out of remaining US Citizens there.

Whole families murdered in The Valley in the 1970′s.

They blamed it on this imaginary bug, the Titsey Fly (Teensie Fly):

Then, they spent many millions of dollars to build out the fake California Agricultural Check Stations.

That’s people like Tom Hanks and Betty White doing that kind of mass murder, but those guys are not the brand of murderers that anyone is interested in stopping, instead, we let them entertain us as they murder and rape all of the children.

========

4:52 pm:

Read of promotional email from Zzounds Music suggests that members of Jim Sigel Automotive Center terror cell are to be called to service to take an offensive position at Myers 560 Jackpine.

They have Pixel Suit technology camouflage, and have special Aircraft support. My guess about the airplanes is they are the BeachCraft King Air with recessed wing mounted fifty caliber guns in each wing, and fly out of Del norte County Regional Airport near Pelican Bay Prison, where the terror submarines are deployed from.

The local Jim Sigal Auto Center is a new car dealer on the surface, but they are in the business of murdering small children, that seems to be their specialty nich for the terror army, as I have seen hundreds of Boy Scouts of America brutally killed at events held at the Jim Sigal Auto Center in the past.

“Wheel of Fortune” is a favorite communication shell of language used at Jim Sigal for saying terror commands. Any wheel of fortune and terms that can be associated to a wheel of fortune, not limited to the game show or Las Vegas gaming wheel.

Jim Sigal is one of the few places I have seen the fifty caliber Deuce Machine Guns used. The other places are Josephine County Sheriff Office parking lot, at Li’l Pantry Monument Market at I-5 exit 61, and on a Robinson Helicopter at Asante Three Rivers Medical Center parking lot, and that was in association to that helicopter shooting at random vehicles along Grants Pass Pkwy and around that area many years ago.

Hillary Clinton used a wing-over small Cesna sort of airplane with a Deuce to shoot random freeway travelers on I-5 between exit 61 and exit 66 in around 2007 - 2008 when Beta Twitter was used as a command source vehicle for killing off the remaining US Citizens in Oregon at the time.

Those kinds of people are called to service at Myers 560 Jackpine.

===================================================

4:55 pm:

They are all a bunch of Candy Ass Terror Pansy’s who cry like school girls when they get hurt, so, if you take away their nitrous oxide, they have absolutely nothing behind their offensive.

Big piles of money cannot buy a set of balls.

So, I am a disabled guy with Medicare insurance, I’ll deal with it the same as I always do, without any help from anyone.

That’s how it has to be, only because no one is interested in preserving USA, or restoring freedom, I’ll do it for myself, so that I can continue to try to help others.

=================

5:12 pm:

Today’s terror theme command language includes this:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Car_Wash_(soundtrack)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xI6vfM52_us

====================================

5:17 pm:

I want to try to explain a practical way that Christianity poisons the human mind.

One single word, “Suffering”, can be used as an example of practicality that advances terrorism.

You need do some experiments, go ask a few people what suffering is.

Most Christians will say something like: “When someone is hit by a bus in the street, and are laying there all bleeding, broken, and the ambulance has not been called yet, those people are suffering when that happens”

At some point in your experiment, you may encounter an Asian person, who will answer the question from perspective of The Tao. They will say something like: “When you are trying to get some sleep, but your electric bill was big, and the COVID rules prevent regular income to pay the electric bill, so, I can‘t sleep because I am suffering, that is suffering”

It’s completely different. The Christian way is to wait until everything is broken and bleeding, and there is no help in sight, while the way of The Tao is to see there is suffering early, when it prevents a person from getting some rest.

So, apply that to thinking about: “What is a disabled person?”.

Everyone seems to believe that the disabled person must be confined to a wheel chair or is bed ridden and is unable to move or think on their own, requires constant help to do every last thing from eating to washing to changing clothes and certainly disabled persons cannot drive their own car, they are disabled.

That is not the definition of a disabled person, it’s only the perspective built on a Christian upbringing where suffering is only when there is bleeding and broken bones with no help in sight.

Disabled, in USA, for the rules and laws associated with it, only means that the disabled persons are not employable. There are many reasons that a person might not be employable, the main reason, are the laws and rules of USA are such that an employer must provide insurance for all of the employees, the Workers Compensation Insurance. So, when a person is deemed disabled, after tons of examinations, dozens of different doctors, many medical analysis and imagining studies are done, and after about two years of ongoing medical examinations, then, the disabled person is deemed “Un-insurable” in a employment environment.

Insurance, laws, rules, regulations, Doctors, medical science, electronic imaging, laboratory testing, and a lot of time, are what disability is based on.

Those are the rules.

So, when the Christian nsa are told to go find the disabled guy to speak with him, or to arrest him, or whatever it is that they were told to do, they are always looking for a wheelchair, or a bed, or a caregiver, and they never actually look for a human being to speak with, they are only interested in apparatus, such as a wheelchair, all because they have no idea what suffering is really about.

The insurance company is not concerned about if someone is considered crazy, that is handled by a different state or federal institution, not the insurance company. The insurance company only wants to determine if the employee could get hurt worse if that person continues to be employed, or worse, some one else could get hurt if the disabled person is not able to hold up their end of the weight as the work is done, in which case the insurance company is going to have to pay out some workers compensation and pay medical costs of the people who could get hurt while working alongside a disabled person.

Then once someone is considered as disabled person, somehow, no matter what kind of condition that person was in before they became disabled,  somehow that changes the perspective of the Christian nsa who won‘t listen to anything that is said by someone who is said to be a un-insurable disabled person. That suits the terrorism perfectly, because the terror is partly based on killing and replacing disabled persons so that the Canadian terror soldiers can take the place of the disabled people. Their income is perpetuated, and their prescriptions are maximized, so the that leading terrorists can get high with prescriptions that belonged to a murdered disabled or elderly person in USA.

So, it turns out that any surviving US Citizens who have endured some terrorism are the leading authorities about the intricacies of modern terrorism, and those knowledgeable authority figures, who are eye-witness to the terror, and are experienced, are overlooked, passed by, by the candy ass pansy’s who are sworn to protect all of the US Citizens, but they are too fucking stupid to see what is in front of them.

Assholes.

Go get a copy of The Tao. Get a copy of the Damapada to go with it.

Then, meditate, start with: “You are a daisy” and go from there.

Assholes.

=======

6:13 pm:

The way things are now, US national security, the US government, all of the US Military are all disabled people, are unable to do their job, but their disability is not a physical limitation, is not a physical disability, it’s a mental condition, the US national security are unable to see the threats of danger, unable to do the jobs they were hired for, yet they are among the most physically fit people there are in USA, so, they are all a bunch of crazy lunatic terror assistants, helping to advance terrorism through a conscience decision to be derelict in their duty to protect not only the populations, but they choose to refuse to help themselves to stay alive when the terror army jumps out at them, despite having all of the information needed to stay alive handed to them, for free.

================

6:26 pm:

Mr. national Security,

This past week, I defended myself against many terror soldiers, I fought in hand to hand combat with weapons against armed terror soldiers wielding swords and poison gasses, and I killed about twenty terror soldiers in defense just in the past few days.

Mr. nsa, what have you done, in your lifetime, to protect USA, or your own family?

I want a response to the question. What have you done in your lifetime to protect USA from terror take over?

=====================

7:23 pm:

Local conditions:

It’s a little warmer outside, about 38 degrees I’ll guess, did not look at the the thermometer. Skies are clear, there is no wind.

Monroe is working with Freeberg terror cells, in addition to others in vehicles in motion on Russell Road, two vehicles moving south toward Donkey George’s terror cell. Donkey George used to be a Freeberg/Phillips terror cell member when he and the donkeys were alive.

The scenario is one that is repeated thousands of times by all of the terror cells over many years, is basically a “bait” attempt to lure me to defend at a time when there is no perceived immediate threat, after much unseen, hidden provocation takes place.

Very simple, first one of the Monroe’s walks innocently from the Monroe main residence to the Offensive Travel Trailer just a moment or two after their surveillance equipment is used to know when I stepped outside for a walk to the mailbox, then the youngest Monroe current “Deb” walks to the trailer, stopping to pet a chicken in the chicken coup along the way.

Then, the cars on Russell go into motion, to show me that “Deb” not only has a lot of surveillance equipment pointed at my house, but also that there are a number of people who are backing her up as the Monroe terror keeps me confined to my home.

That is when Freeberg, or other terror neighbor, drives from Sunflower, or Strong’s terror cell, to go look inside of as many mailboxes as is possible just at the moment when I am stepping out into the roadway to go to the mailbox, where there are more surveillance listening devices inside of the mailboxes on Jackpine. When Freeberg is the one at the mailbox, she always gets out of the car to check the mail, and plays role of a drunk girl on her way home from Grandma’s House, she always opens up the mailbox that is marked for packages, a larger mailbox among the others. She always takes what packages are in there to her car, to read the label, then returns a package to the package box, there are no guarantees that the one she puts back in there is the same one she takes to her car.

They can do a lot with that much basis to start with, while provoking me to retaliate from years of abuse. The terror bastards use the women, while the Royal Canadian Mounted Police imposter State police are waiting at Strong’s for the call to advance if I get near where Freeberg is at.

Freeberg hangs around in my front yard while wearing a Ku Klux Klan robe while I am inside my house, passers by think it’s me when it’s Freeberg doing that, with a sickle blade.

She is also the General of the terror air force.

That “Get Out of Jail Free Card“ from Joe Biden was the command to Freeberg to do a terror scenario. In absence of Joan Phillips, Janice “Jay Bob” Freeberg is the leading local terror general for as far as perhaps the entire state of Oregon, she is Regional General of the terror air-force, includes Josephine and Jackson County pilots at minimum, and can reach Searchlight Nevada and Del norte County Regional Airport terror pilots on short notice.

There are still no signs of anyone at Chapman’s terror cell.

Whoever that is driving Freeberg’s car and staying at 535 Jackpine, is only “The Current Janice Freeberg”. I suspect that person I saw tonight is a male, is about 60 years old white, about 190 lbs, and is very bow-legged man with short grey hair about 5′ 10″ tall, and that is also the description of Janice Freeberg, except the real one is or was a female who used to have red hair many years ago.

If that is the man I think it might be, he is part of the In-n-Out Burger terror cell in Grants Pass, and has an accomplice who is a blonde woman who looks just exactly like Jill Biden.

================

8:26 pm:

Something notable about the Jackpine mailboxes is worth documenting here:

For twenty four years, that bank of 17 or 18 mailboxes out front has been a source of non stop ongoing terror communication, with electronics hidden inside of them, as a place where outsider terror cell members are required to check in, by stopping at the mailboxes there to say who they are and why they are on Jackpine, a system put in place to protect these GLOBAL terror leaders that live on Jackpine, most notably being Phillips as a global terror leader, Myers as nbc/Universal/Comcast terror leader, and Freeberg as the air force General for the Global terror cells around here.

Recently, this past month at some point, three of the residences removed their mailboxes from the plank of wood that they have been attached to for more than twenty-four years. In the past, I have requested many times at the post office to allow that my mailbox could be placed at the end of my driveway rather than in that group of others about 100 feet from my driveway, and the answer was always “no”, you cannot do that, it will spoil the mail carriers route”.

I also have suggested to put all of the mailboxes closer to Russell road, because they have been such an ongoing source of attacking at my house as the neighbors used to tend to innocently gather there in front of my house, while others are attacking me inside my house, while those people use electronic communication to help with the attacking at my house.

The answer is always “no, it needs to stay the way it is” when I ask the post office about some help to stop terrorism. Then, they send more assassins from the Goon Squad in Portland, the Postal Police are there and respond to reports of terror by sending assassins to the victims house.

But, 376 Chartrand, 329 Liter, and 333 Baum, have all removed their mailboxes from the place they have been for as long as mail has been delivered on Jackpine, to my knowledge, since 1964.

The other mailboxes are all still there on the plank in front of my house where they always have been, while 376, 329, and 333 have put their mailboxes on individual posts the way they should have been to begin with.

My question about that is why did all three of those properties all do that at the same time? How did they get informed that it was OK to move the mailboxes? Why didn‘t I get the memo the explains the option of moving my mailbox to an individual post mount in front of my own driveway?

I want to know how the three properties were informed about the option to move the mailbox.

Also notable, is Chartrand 376 put that mailbox on what looks like the wrong side of the road to me. To my knowledge, mailboxes are supposed to be installed on the Odd numbered address side of the roadway, 376 put two three mailboxes out front there, after removing them from the regular place where all of the others are at. Maybe since the road is a dead end road, the mailbox can go on the even numbered address side of the road, I don‘t know, but I do know that whatever is going on with the relocation of those three mailboxes is more terrorism and is designed to fool the nsa who insist on being fooled all of the time because the continue to trust the local authorities, who are terrorists that took over the local authorities, and because the nsa refuses to do their job, are derelict in their duties, and simply refuse to do their own research.

My guess is that nsa is watching someone in Arizona, protecting some terror bastards at the corner of Calle Amigo and Cam Villejo and are told that is my new address in Bullhead City AZ, when that address is a Google terror cell,. where Global terrorism is planed and carried out from.

The nsa are disabled, they are unable to perform their duties, they have a mental condition that makes them a danger to themselves and a danger to the people they have sworn to protect, are completely and utterly useless.

By the way, that Calle Amigo corner of Cam Villejo Google terror cell, is the place where I learned of the attack that happened at Coronado Island when the US navy bases there were taken over many years ago, so I called the base on the phone to warn them about the massive army of terror soldiers who were there on the island armed with poison gas, and they did not believe what I was telling them, so I drove from Arizona to Coronado Island to warn them in person, and they still did not believe what I was telling them... the next day, I witness about 300 US navy personnel beheaded on the main street in front of the Berkshire Hathaway Real Estate Office there. And, I also witnessed the very biggest airplane I have ever seen fly across the bay to crash and do cartwheels at the US base that is across the bay from the island. I saw a lot more than that, those are the highlites, and still, since that time so long ago, no one has noticed the all of the US Bases on Coronado Island have been hijacked, and are occupied by Canadian imposters, the same condition that is at 29 Palms, and Edwards AFB.

nsa is derelict, useless, and unable to perform their duties, are a danger to themselves and those around them.

===========================

9:25 pm:

This below is Twitter Trend that says “Black Lightning airing on the C W”

That is in response to this information about Coronado navy base. The time stamp is not real, Google is able to put whatever time they want on the information they present.

The translation is: “Dark matter about the Holy See and Kill & Replace” it means I wrote that about Coronado Island, and Damage Control for that is requested by the Twitter internet scouts who saw what I wrote.