#i can deal with not having the world guide + daydream hours (< this is a lie but i can deal with that more than with not having the manga)

[holmsister]

I am so lucky that the italian version of dunmeshi manga has run out of volume 1 with no current intention of a reprint. If the collection I found at Feltrinelli the other day happened to include all volumes you know I wouldve dumped 200 euros on it like nothing but I'm not gonna spend money on a collection that risks remaining incomplete forever

[missglaskin]

Hi I had a question have you ever considered writing for ACOTAR and what do you think about the series and who would be the worst? Yandere to have if you could do a ranking this is not a request. I just wanna know your opinion. I hope you have a good day or night. 😊🥰❤️

I didn’t make a ranking but I did rate them (1 least worst, 10 being pretty bad) hope you don’t mind

Feyre only wants what's best for you, at least that's what she thinks. She feels a great deal of guilt when her mind wanders to dark places. Feyre doesn't like lying or deceiving you, but she always tries to justify herself. She is extremely protective and fiercely loyal, going to great lengths to keep you safe; the end always justifies the means. Everything goes well with Feyre as long you don't struggle against her and just let her take care of you. 6/10

Elain seems harmless at first, lost in her own world, spending hours daydreaming about you rather than approaching you directly. She's shy in approaching you, but her infatuation with you grows steadily and soon enough you start seeing her more often. She does not resort to violence like the others but pretends to be your friend while subtly isolating you from everyone else. You realize a little too late that Elain is scheming to keep you all to herself, not when she gives you that sweet girl. 4/10

Nesta appears cold and distant at first, often trying to push or avoid you altogether. Unaware it’s Nesta’s realization of her intense feelings and maybe it was her way of trying to protect you. But in moments of jealousy or danger, Nesta’s possessiveness becomes glaringly apparent. She does not want to chain you down, but she fiercely wants you all to herself. Desiring to have you solely for her own gaze and touch. You should just trust her and let her make all your decisions on your behalf. 6/10

Mor's danger lies in her manipulative nature and her relentless desire to get what she wants. The second she set her eyes on you; she wanted you. Mor takes the role of your friend, gaining your trust and coaxing you to confide in her. Letting you reveal your deepest secrets and positing herself as your savior to ensure you feel indebted to her. You can never point the finger of blame to Mor, she’s always one step ahead even when you find yourself isolated and powerless to make your own choices. 7/10

Amren is not someone who immediately raises suspicion, but there's an air of uneasiness. Not interacting all that much with her at first. But you'll feel eyes watching your every move yet when you turn to look, nothing is there. She in a way positions herself as an ally, subtly guiding you in the way she wants, all to assert control over you. As time passes, her tendencies begin to surface and she can no longer conceal her possessiveness. Finding yourself isolated and confined to a little place all alone with her. 8/10 

Rhysand is charismatic and not even you are immune to his charms, despite your better judgement. He's so good at pulling the strings, steering situations to his advantage. You could accuse him of an act that you know he has done, but he'll turn it around, making you feel guilty for doubting him. When Rhysand senses you're slipping away from his gasp, he won't hesitate to resort to extreme measures. You're trapped with no allies and no means of escape leaving you no choice but to depend on him. 9/10 

Cassian's intense loyalty and protective nature may seem his best traits, but it's a means of suffocation to you. Cassian is convinced he knows what's best for you, stubbornly insisting on his ways even if you push him away or outright reject him. His impulsivness guides his actions, causing him to raise his voice or grip you too tightly, but Cassian always apologizes afterward, you must forgive him right? Cassian is nice to have if you never resist and simply allow him to do as he pleases. 7/10

Azriel doesn't approach at first, preferring to watch you from a distance, meaning all the time. His shadows are tasked at keeping him informed and ready to protect you from any impending danger. When Azriel involves himself in your life, he becomes the center of it. Bid farewells to your past connections as he demands your full attention, confined under his very control. You may be allowed some freedom if you comply, but resist or fight back, it won't bode well for you. 8/10 

Tamlin is a storm that's looming, ready to engulf you. His protectiveness and possessiveness are like a chain around your neck; suffocating. He's controlling and has a desire to keep you by his side at all times. No matter how much you fight back, Tamlin believes you'll come around eventually, time is all he has. Sometimes, his temper flares and he lashes out, destroying things in his path, and seeing your fear brings him back to his senses where he apologizes profusely, promising it won’t happen again. 9/10 

Eris is intensely jealous and controlling, viewing you as his and his alone. There's a high likelihood he'll keep you trapped, unwilling to let you go. But beneath all his possessiveness, Eris is somewhat desperate. He long for you to just open yourself up to him, to surrender to his touches. With everything he went through, Eris doesn't wish to inflict harm on you. Why must you force him to restrain you, to him it's so simple, why not just give into him, a life where he shows you devoted love and loyalty. 7/10 

Lucien is aware of his tendencies and has tried to avoid you, but keeps finding himself drawn back to you, unable to resist gazing at you from a corner. He's consumed by his obsession, devoting himself to you completely, and Lucien finds himself unable to fight against it. He never wishes to harm or trap you; he has seen the damage it caused. He hopes his charms and time will be enough to win you over, and become so entwined in your life that you can't take him out of it. 5/10 

[trina864]

Affection and Seduction | J.JK

Summery: Tuesday arrives, and Jungkook takes it a step further. He promises that it gets better and wilder the further you go, but right now? He just loves to make you all flustered. Paring: Jungkook x Reader Lyric: "I take my hands and trace your lines..." Genre: Fanfiction, Romance | Smut. Fluff. Word Count: 4.5 K Chapter Guide: Tuesday Previous / Next - Coming Soon Warnings: Female Reader. Mature themes. Explicit Words. Making out. Smut. Jungkook x reader. Naked reader. Naked Jungkook. Fingering, F!recieving. Sɛx. Dry humping. Very very little voyeurism. Mentions of ropes, ball gag and crops. Brat Reader. Dirty Talk. Female on the pill. No condom sɛx. Friends having sɛx. Not a couple. Friends 2 lovers. Jimin as readers friend. Jimin loving drama. Mentions of past feelings.

Tuesday arrives and you're actually looking forward to whatever Jungkook has planned.

The whole deal is still new to you, and the fact that you're having sex with Jungkook is even newer. But you can't find it in you to complain. You have always wondered what it would be like, that it's greater than you had imagined is your own fault.

Monday had been lovely. You and Jungkook had fallen asleep on either side of the bed, and when you woke it was to the morning sun warming you like a soft blanket. You had spent the morning making breakfast together and dancing to the beats of quiet R&B.

The morning felt like any other whenever you and Jungkook had sleepovers, and that made you feel relieved. Nothing has changed between you, you're still just Y/N and Jungkook.

"Y/N?! Hallo, are you even listening?" Jimin says and waves a hand in front of you.

Jimin sits besides you on your baby green couch, the exact same place where Jungkook sat just this morning.

It's late morning, Jungkook left not even two hours ago. You had totally forgotten the breakfast deal you had made with Jimin and it was only when he knocked at your door that you remembered that the pretty man is visiting.

You come out of your daydream and look at Jimin. "Hm? Yea, sorry what did you say?" Jimin watches as you shake your head and rub a hand against your head.

It's clear to Jimin that you're acting weirder than usual, he just can't figure out why or if it’s a good thing. "Is something wrong Y/N? You seem like you're in another world." He says and you have to keep your laugh.

If only he knew what you and Jungkook have been doing he would understand right away, but you're hesitant on telling him.

He won't understand the situation, he’d just assume you and Kook are in a relationship, even though that certainly is not the case.

"It's nothing Jimin, just work." You say knowing damn well that's a lie. You do feel bad for lying to your friend, but you would feel even worse if he teased you about something that isn’t true.

"Oh yea! How is it going with that book?" He asks and you smile. "It's going well, I just have to figure out how to write the best character growth, and I have no inspiration." You say and Jimin looks at you with empathic eyes.

He knows all about not having inspiration, if he isn't inspired when dancing it usually isn't a good dance.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out, just give it some time." He says and you're about to answer when a sudden noise of your phone has you checking what it could be.

Kookie 🍪🐰:

{ - Come to my place at 18:00 tomorrow?

Y/N:

{ - Sure (; Eat from home? Or no?

Kookie 🍪🐰:

{ - No. Eat dinner here.

{ - Looking forward to seeing you Goddess.

The smile that covers your lips are shocking to Jimin. The way you giggle as you text back a reply to whoever texted you can only mean one thing.

You hear a gasp come from Jimin as he turns his entire body towards you and takes the phone from you. You're about to protest when he again gasps and claps a hand over his mouth.

"Don't tell me you and Jungkook are finally together." He says and you snatch the phone back from him. "What!? No! Why would I and Jungkook be together?" You say and already dread what you know is about to happen.

“I knew it! Fuck Taehyung owes me 15 bucks, I have to tell him.” Jimin says “You guys betted on us?” You ask, you would’ve tried to stop Jimin if it wasn’t because you knew there is no stopping your drama loving friend.

“Of course we did.” He says his gaze fixed on the phone in his hands, “Honestly Y/N you two are very obvious. Again why are you guys not together?”

You sigh knowing you’ll have to explain yourself again for the 100th time. “Jungkook needs his freedom and I do too. We can’t commit.” You say but the sad tone in your voice is not unnoticed by Jimin.

He knew there was a time when you were totally obsessed with Jungkook. You hung him on the moon and stargazed after him every day. Jimin never knew when or why you stopped loving him.

And to be honest he didn’t dare ask. There was just something so sad and unsettling surrounding it that he couldn’t get himself mixed up in.

Jimin stayed with you the rest of Monday, even when you had to work he stayed in the living room stealing your food and binging tv shows. Jimin has always been like this, especially with you. There are times you think he may have separation anxiety, but you know he really just likes to be together with people.

He leaves when the time hits 10 pm and you can finally get your well deserved sleep.

The next day at 6 pm you stand in front of Jungkooks door. The whole day you have had butterflies storming around in your stomach. Jungkook had texted with you all day and you swear you have never gotten so much attention from anyone before.

He had written good morning, and asked how work was, he had written he was looking forward to seeing you, and much more.

As the door opens and the man finally shows himself in front of you all the butterflies makes a twirl. You know it's not even been 24 hours since you last saw him, but the new deal between you two is still so exciting.

"You look good." Jungkook says as you enter and give him a hug.

You smile before saying “You don’t look too bad yourself.” He laughs and walks into the apartment. His white tshirt is not hiding much, the see through material makes it so easy for you eyes to peek at all the tattoos adoring his body.

Jungkook is a walking sin in your eyes, but maybe that’s just the idea of what’s going to happen later that’s making you feel like this.

The new feelings around Jungkook are so foreign, you’ve never felt like this ever.

Sex and the world around it isn’t a stranger for you, but you’ve never been this far off into the world.

You’ve never been this excited about sex.

You walk in Jungkook's heals all the way into his luxurious kitchen. His apartment have always been your favorite, not even your own could compare with the comfort and style Jungkook's has.

“I would say I hope you like spaghetti, but I know you do so I’m not going to say that.” He laughs and it infects you too.

The silence afterwards as Jungkook cooks dinner and you admire the smell of Jungkooks famous spaghetti, is nice and easy.

In the background you hear notes of Frank Ocean, and outside the sun is settling down.

But the curiosity which fills your limbs are too strong and you break the silence. “So what do you have planned for us after dinner?”

On Jungkooks face the little mischievous smile shows on his face again and he shrugs leaving you in the dark.

“What do you want to happen?” He asks daring and stirs in the spaghetti without looking at you.

“You know…-“ you walk closer to him, you stand behind his back and go up on your tippy toes to reach his ear. “Maybe I want a bit more this time.”

The reaction is instantly, he turns around leaving the stove, and presses his lips to yours. If it hadn’t been because of the stove he would've lifted you up on it and taken you right there.

But the stove is on, and he only just manages to get his tongue in when the clock goes off and you have to break free from each other.

It’s hard to let go of him and his arousing body, but you’re also looking forward to that spaghetti, and if he accidently overcooked it you would be very mad.

A minute or two later he's leading you into the dinning area together with the hot pan. As you reach the table a gasp reaches your lips. The table is covered with a red tablecloth, burning lights are placed between two white plates and wine glasses are standing proud on the table.

It's very beautiful... and maybe a little too romantic?

A weird feeling bubbles up inside you and you can't decipher it. It's a mixture of awe and yuck. Old feelings comes to the surface, but you quickly pushes them down again.

Jungkook's happy face and hoping eyes makes you hesitate on telling him how weird you feel about this, and instead you go with it.

You hurry over to a chair before he can pull it out for you, and you sit down with a more than a forced smile. Jungkook doesn't notice though as he places the hot stove in front of you and sit down before you.

From the window behind him you see how dark the night is getting and small lights from the city shines behind him, it looks as if he's surrounded by stars. You pull your eyes away quickly as the word 'beautiful' crosses your mind.

"This is so pretty Jungkook, I can't believe you've done this. How long did it take?" You ask to ease the nauseas feeling mixing with something really old.

"Not too long, I just thought I'd do something nice for you, y'know as a way to show you that I'm grateful you accepted my offer." He says and that eases some of the heavy feelings which swept over you.

"Well you sure did do something very nice." You don't mean to make it sound like it does, like you're ungrateful, but just as the words leave your mouth and his face falters slightly you know it's too late.

"You think it's too much?" He asks and the insecurities shines through, all of those you have spent hours talking with him about.

"No! Not at all Jungkook, I was a little frightened at first why it was so romantic, but it's very nice I love it." You sugarcoat the words a lot and make sure to not hurt him again, you hate hurting Jungkook.

Jungkook has always seemed tough, he says things like he thinks them, but he has so many emotions that one would never think about.

You do though, but that’s just your person, you think.

The two of you eats after that awkward moment and you quickly forget about it as the food touches your mouth.

Jungkook's spaghetti truly is the best!

He laughs as your face converts into a look of overwhelming joy. His secret weapon to get to you is food, it has always been food.

As the plates slowly gets emptier and emptier your anticipation rises, so does goosebumps on your arms as Jungkook's leg roams yours under the table.

His poker face is too good, not even the slightest hint of a smile on his face as he talks on about a funny encounter he had with Namjoon a day ago.

You don’t hear anything he says, all you hear is your own heartbeat, and his breathing.

You can’t look away from his lips even when you try your hardest. It’s frustrating to lose control like this, but you’ll admit that it’s also exciting.

Jungkook stops talking as he notices where your attention lies. A look plays on your face, a look he’s slowly getting very familiar with.

“Are you listening Y/N?” He asks, and you shake your head no, too allured to pronounce words.

It’s just the entirety of him that’s way too enchanting.

Suddenly he gets up and you sit still in your chair as he walks beside the table and over to you.

His right hand takes a hold on the backrest, and his left on your thigh, then he gets closer, lower. You both hear the gulp you make. Your cheeks are burning with the heat from Jungkook.

It’s the same feelings as yesterday, excitement and lust.

When he finally connects his lips to yours it’s in a hungry kiss. He doesn’t waist any time today and opens your mouth and lets his tongue in.

The game has started and you can feel it quickly escalating. The both of you stands up and Jungkook immediately starts undoing your pants and rips the shirt over your head.

You’re left in underwear, which you feel is very unfair, but as you pull the white thee off Jungkook's body and his tattoos shows up it isn’t as bad.

You don’t know what it is about his tattoos, but they turn you on so much that you get the thought you want to lick every dot and line of them.

His arms wraps around the back of your thigh and he pulls you up. You wrap them around his waist, and it surprises you how thin his waist is. Yesterday you were too overwhelmed with other parts of his body to notice his waist, but damn did you miss that beautiful waist.

You kiss him harder and press yourself deeper into him, and down by your womanhood you can feel Jungkook growing.

Before you even notice Jungkook has walked you into his bedroom, where purple led lights are shining and making him glow.

You’re in awe at how handsome he is and you stop for just a second to appreciate him.

“What is it?” He asks very lustily and very gently.

“You’re just very beautiful right now.” You answer honest and almost cringe at how that sounded. Normally you would never say something like that, but whatever it’s just one time.

In the corner of his mouth a small smile rises, but he hides it by kissing you again.

Small and light kisses all over your face, and it makes you laugh. He slowly goes over to the bed and lays you down carefully.

You love rough sex more than anything, but this right now is not bad, it’s different, and you need to get used too it, but it’s sure feels amazing.

Then the happy hour breaks as you remember this isn’t forever, and you shouldn’t get used too it. And old feelings play through your mind. You push them away.

When you’re finally laying on the bed, Jungkook crawls up from the foot end to where you’re sat at the top. His back muscles flex and unflex, and his tattoos dances across the skin.

You don't understand the attraction between you two, it's so strong, yet still too weak. But you don't need tro understand it to act on it.

His sweatpants are still on, but you can clearly see the bulge he's hiding in them. It’s big and ready for your touch.

As if it was a lifeline you grab onto his cock and Jungkook’s response is instant. A moan, a grunt and then he manhandles you up over his lap.

He softly guides your trembling hips over his crotch, and the pleasure extends over both your faces. Jungkook's fingertips traces the line of your panties and he smiles at the cute small bow.

So extremely sinful, yet that little bow just makes him look at you with the tenderest grin. Not that you notice you're too hypnotized by the work of his crotch and his cock hitting you. Even thought it's covered by clothes, you can imagine the way it would slide into your pussy.

Jungkook can see a wet spot on top of his sweatpants, which makes him pant harder. Your thighs around his hips makes him hard, and you feel that, as his dick pushes up underneath you.

You make sure to sway your hips extremely careful and precise over it, Jungkook's face trembles into pleasure.

“Hmm, you like it when my hips are on top of yours like this?” You ask and press harder.

Jungkook knows what he must look like, but right now he doesn’t care.

Until he suddenly does, and something between you switches. The little dominance you had overtaken shifts and Jungkook pushes you onto your stomach.

His hand stays on your lower back, pushing your cunt into the madras, and making sure you feel the friction, and it’s obvious that you’re feeling the friction, your moans are loud and clear, and very begging.

“Jungkook! Jungkook please, please do something!” You say and Jungkook only mocks you by pushing you deeper onto the madras.

"What? Hm? What was it again that you chanted yesterday?.. Something about my dick?" His voice is deeper than usual, much like it was yesterday, and you can feel him at the shell of your ear, breathing into it.

"Mhm! Yes, yes!" You stutter and hump into the madras. Jungkook chuckles looking down yours and his body. You're laying flat on your stomach and he on top of you.

His dick is uncomfortably hard, laying flat across your ass. The power he has over you right now is unbearable, he's sure he could suggest anything right now, ropes, crops, ball gag, he could pull up the weirdest shit and you would jump in with both feet.

But he has a plan that he wants to follow by, and even if the thought of you gagged up and bound, is very intriguing he has to wait, just a little longer.

“Mhm, well then you’ll have to be a good girl for me.” Jungkook says and his lips drags across the skin on your neck. You only whimper which is enough signal for Jungkook to go on.

“Let me watch as you touch yourself,” He says and kisses behind the shell of your ear, “Show me how you please yourself.”

The image of you touching yourself with Jungkook's eyes watching your every movement is both sensual and anxious. Will he be satisfied with only watching?

Of course he won’t. Jungkook plans on burying his cock deep inside your pussy and drown it in your juices. But he has always had a deep desire to see you touch yourself, ever since the day you spoke to him. Were you chanting his name when your fingers graced your pussy? Or were you thinking of his body?

He needs answers to that question.

You moan as Jungkook humps over you, a little warning hump, on what’s going to happen afterwards.

Your hands reach down quickly and it’s a little difficult getting under your stomach and down to your clit as Jungkook’s weight also pushes down over you. But once your hands finally touches the fabric of your panties, you hump down over your hand.

Jungkook’s name immediately leave your lips, as if it was him who did it. And you do it again and imagine his long fingers doing it, just like yesterday.

Watching you like this, all fucked out and needy does things to Jungkook. He felt it yesterday, but it has come back today.

“Yea just like that baby.” Jungkook groan, and his hand finds it way down to yours. As his hand takes over the speed involves and you can feel yourself falling into a deep aroused hole, which you’re not sure you can come out of.

While all this happens and Jungkook adds two fingers into your pussy, he plants small kisses of affection all over your neck and upper back.

"More... More Kookie." You moan, and Jungkook can't control his smirk. "More Yea? Then turn around." He says as he raises himself off you and pulls his hand away.

The missing action makes you want to pull him back, but the thought of Jungkooks dick finally entering you is so much more appealing, so you control yourself and turn around like Jungkook had told you to.

Jungkook waits until you're finally laying down, head against his pillows which he knows is going to smell like you tomorrow. When your big eyes all needy for him looks up at him like this, he is reminded why he asked for this deal in the first place.

You're very beautiful in his eyes, and never being able to just tell you is killing him. But at least he can show you now.

Jungkook unties the straps of his sweatpants and your eyes follows every move. It's sensual and sinful watching the buff man peal off his clothes for you.

And when he finally pulls his boxers off as well and his cock jumps up to his abdomen, you're panting and rubbing your thighs against each other. Jungkook notices and that only feeds his ego.

"Take your underwear off, Y/N." He says, adorable smile playing on his lips, in contrast to his angry dick.

You immediately follow suit and pull your bra and panties off. You stay like that for a minute appreciating each other bodies. The erotic picture of Jungkook naked in front of you makes the sheets wet under you.

"Shit, Y/N, you look so good right now-" He says, but you cut him off by pulling him down and kissing him.

The way your lips move against each other is a new feeling. The both of you have gotten used to how the other kisses, and it gets better and better for every time you do it.

Between kisses Jungkook whispers all sorts of dirty things while he closes in on your body. "Mhm, I bet you're wet enough for the neighbors to hear it through the wall." "My sweet little baby, all needy and whiney for me." "I'm gonna coat you in my cum."

All these sorts of things leaves his mouth, and if you weren't this turned on it would probably have been gross, but his words only adds to the pleasure between your legs.

It's you who breaks the kiss. You lock eyes with him, they shine purple in the shadow of the led lights. Your hand slides over his cock, giving him a few pumps, and Jungkook moan in surprise.

"I want you. Right now." You say and Jungkook sees how serious you're trying to be with this. "I'm all yours Y/N." He says and line his dick up with your pussy, and finally you moan in union as he slips into you.

You've had sex many times with different people, but there's something totally different and even more intimate about this. The sounds you both let out are loud, and Jungkook moves fast from the beginning grinding into you with force. "Ah.. Fuck Y/N."

Your legs close in to get even more pleasure, but Jungkook rips them apart and pushes each of your knees down to the madras. "Shi- it." You say in response and Jungkook smiles down at you and bends to kiss your forehead. Your hands on Jungkook's back scratches as his dick hits your g-spot and his pelvis hits your clit. "Kookie.." You moan and turn your head, too deep into the pleasure to keep up. It doesn't take long before you feel your orgasm build up. Your whole body is glistering with sweat and so is Jungkook's. The white sheets are wrinkled up underneath you. Jungkook's hands leave your knees and instead takes a hard grip around your waist.

"I'm gonna try something baby, tap me twice if you want me to stop, okay?" You can't answer, no words will leave your mouth so you only nod.

When Jungkook said he wanted to try something you had not imagined that meant turning you over and onto all fours.

You're placed on all fours and Jungkook knows exactly what he's doing. He knows this is your favorite position, and you also happen to know it's his.

Jungkook's dick is still inside you, but he slowly pulls it out leaving only the tip. "Lay down for me goddess." Jungkook says and pushes on your upper back. With the little energy you have left you fall down, and only your ass is in the air now.

His hands hold tightly around your waist, and suddenly Jungkook hammers his dick into you with a force that has you nearly banging your head into the headboard. "Shit...!" You yell and are aware that the neighbors have full access to the noise you’re making.

His dick slide in and out of you and Jungkook can feel your walls tightening around him. It only adds to his desire and makes him push into you with even more force. His hands on your waist are giving electric shocks, and he lowers himself over your back and whisper into your ears.

“Do you feel that huh? How my cock is fitting so good into your pussy. Such a pretty little pussy, so tight and ready for me.” He says and that plus a very good hit in your g-spot is what tips you over.

Your orgasm hits, your back arches and it’s Jungkook’s weight over you that keeps you pressed down into the bed. You walls clench so much that Jungkook’s grinds slows down and it’s not long after you feel him twitch inside you and he pulls out and cums on your back. "FU- U- CK, Y/N..." He says.

He collapse on top of you and the white stripes of his cum mixes in between you. Not that you care, you’re both basking in the silence and satisfaction after the sex.

It fees magical, this moment. His body warmth is like a blanket, you want to keep him around you forever.

But after a few minutes he rises and the sticky noise form his cum fills your ears. He kisses you, “let’s get you cleaned up.” his arms sneaks around you and lifts you up.

Carrying you through the house and over to his bathroom he places you in the bathtub and fills it with water. There’s not once where he turns his back to you or his attention away, and you feel like a wanted person.

The water is hot and suites into your muscles loosing them up.

“So what happens afterwards?” You ask when you sit in the bathtub, asking yourself if he would kick you out now or not.

“You stay the night and we wake up together tomorrow, sounds good?” His hands play around with the water from your bath. His eyes are locked with yours and it’s weird seeing Jungkook this affectionate.

Usually when you see him with other girls, it’s sex and goodbye. You never knew Jungkook could be such a gentleman.

A smile plays on your lips, “That sounds good.” You say and try to hide how giddy you feel.

After the bath Jungkook carries you back to the bed. A movie is rolling in the background as you lay cuddled up by Jungkook’s side. You’re mostly watching the movie, but Jungkook just can’t pull his eyes from the small creature which is you laying in his arms.

When you fall asleep Jungkook turns off the movie and he too falls asleep next to you, with you pulled tightly into him.

Next morning you wake up first. Your legs are sore and your hair is a nest. But even so you lie smiling looking at Jungkook taking small puffs of air and clinging onto you like a little child.

You wouldn’t change this morning for anything in the world. This deal is the best thing you’ve ever agreed to.

Mini Taglist:

♪ @ahgasegotarmy116

♪ If you want to join the taglist then write a comment here saying which taglist you wanna be part off ((: ♪

[holylulusworld]

Jeannie in a bottle - Epilogue

Summary: The deal is broken. You are finally free.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Huntress!Reader

Warnings: former genie!reader, kinda social anxiety/anxiety/slight panic attack, caring Dean, mentions of aunt flo

Jeannie in a bottle masterlist

<< Part 4

The deal is broken. You are finally free. What now?

You’re not used to living your own life. Trapped in the bottle you could do nothing but wish for someone to find the bottle to free you.

“What are you up to?” Dean brings you out of your daydreams. You were standing in the garage for the better of half an hour, debating whether to go for a ride in a car or explore the bunker some more. 

“I don’t know,” you reply honestly. “I need clothes and toiletries.” You cringe. “Uh-you know…hygiene products for ladies.”

Dean chuckles nervously. He drops his eyes to your crotch and hums. “You got a visit from aunt flo?” 

“Figures. I get out of that bottle only to end up having my first period in ten years.” You huff and cross your arms over your chest. 

“Do you want me to go to town and get you some tampons or pads?” Dean grins when you look at him, surprised. “What? Can a man not buy ladies' toiletries? I’m a tough guy and brave enough to buy tampons.”

“You’re cute and cocky.” Dean’s grin widens at your words. “Would you drive me to town? I’m not sure I can still handle a car, or anything else. Everything feels surreal. Like a dream.”

“If this a dream, I hope we never wake.” Dean slings one arm around your shoulders. “Let’s get you some new clothes and toiletries. You look good in my clothes, but I think you deserve to go on a shopping spree.”

“Dean, I don’t have any money. I can’t go on a shopping spree.”

“Aw, sweetheart. Let me buy you all the things you will need,” he whispers in your ear. “You can pay me back in kind.”

This time, you chuckle. Dean is definitely a cocky guy. “We will see, Dean. Maybe I can give you a back scrub or wash your car.”

“Breathe, Y/N,” Dean softly says as you try to control your breathing. Being inside the bunker with Sam and Dean was no problem. But the moment you stepped inside the grocery store, your legs started to wobble. 

“I can’t…so many people,” you hate the panic in your voice. You never were so scared before. “Dean…please.”

“I’ll bring you back to the car. You just stay inside the Impala, and I’ll get you everything you need. Okay?” He worriedly looks down at you. “Y/N?”

“Okay.” You exhale sharply. “I-I got a list. Can you get the things for me?” You are close to tears, and you feel ashamed that Dean sees you like that. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, hey…it’s alright. We will go back to the car, and everything is going to be alright. It’s a bit too much, I get it. We should’ve taken things slow. You were stuck in that bottle for ten years.”

You choke out a sob when Dean wraps his arms around you. “Thank you.”

“Sometimes the world gets too much for everything. That’s no reason to be ashamed of.” He guides you back out of the grocery store. 

You take deep breaths, hoping to even your breathing and calm your nerves. “Can you…can you buy me some pie too? I’d die for a slice of good pie.”

“Sweetheart. I didn’t think I could like you more. But I do. I love me some pie too.”

“What?” Dean grunts as the clerk at the grocery store looks at the tampons and pads the hunter wants to buy. 

“Nothing.” The boy grins, glancing at the tampons again. “Do you need chocolate too?”

Dean shrugs. “I already got all I need. Including chocolate for the sexy woman waiting for me in my car. And yes, she’s on her period and I buy her the products she needs to feel better. Do we have a problem here?”

Dean glares at the young man, huffing now and then as the cashier hurriedly charges for the products.

“I got you everything you’ll need,” Dean proudly places three bags filled with all the things on your list on your bed. “I got you a pair of jeans, shirts, socks, and so on too. Nothing special but it will do for the time being. If you want to, you can order clothes online.”

You watch Dean unpack the bags. He smirks as you snatch the tampons out of his hands. “Please excuse me. I need to…”

“I got you pie too.” He calls after you. “I’ll make you some soul food tonight.”

“Awesome,” you poke your head back inside the room, grinning. “Can we watch nonsense on TV and eat junk food?”

“Sure, sweetheart!” Dean exclaims.

Smiling you look at Dean. “I think I like this new life.”

“Of course, you like it. I’m in your life now…”

[ginoeh]

Number 13 for the Spotify fic thingy 🖤!!

Thank you for the ask! You have a good eye for numbers 😂 This one is my much beloved Tamino with Persephone. I had about 158 story ideas for this one already (give or take a few) and decided on a 🌟 new 🌟 one instead (yay!).

I'm staying very close to the song's lyrics here instead of the of more general lore of the myth for this challenge. Please enjoy 'dramatic-idiot-in-love' with a dash of 'unstoppable-force-meets-immovable-object'. We start with Dream's pov. Because drama.

~~☆~~☆~~☆~~

It goes like this: Morpheus is enamoured, bewitched, by Hob's radiance, his faith and warmth and the care for humanity he has learned to cultivate over painstaking centuries. He knows what effort this costs Hob, knows it in every controlled instinct and careful look, in every forsaken opportunity for personal gain, how Hob yearns to remain good and light. So when night falls over the warm glow of the New Inn's evening, Morpheus stays and stays and stays and drinks it all in.

Morpheus feels like a moth drawn to the flame. Hob is the day to his night, the warmth of spring and summer to his own wintery darkness. He should let Hob live his life away from him, keep him at a distance as he has for so long now. He's much more selfish than that, though, greedy in his affection as he's been accused of so many times.

Unwilling to leave, he instead lets Hob choose: they can go back to their centennial meetings or, as Morpheus offers, they could trade - an apology for the missed centennial; one meeting in the Waking for one meeting in the Dreaming, each month a different setting. He might not let Hob go, if he acquiesces to this, Morpheus warns (“Those that live too long in dreams might be consumed by them even in waking hours. It's in their nature.” And therefore in his, he doesn't add.)

Hob laughs, bright and daring with that edge of sparkling hope, and takes the second offer (“What's a little bit of lost time between friends? I'd love to come and visit your realm.”) Morpheus has known how Hob would choose, of course he has. Has seen the daydreams of golden friendship, shared tales and maybe even, love. There really wasn’t a choice at all.

The months slip by, pleasant and warm - no, no it's more than pleasant, it's- Morpheus knows when he's in love, can’t not know it when the Dreaming is in the full bloom of spring, with sweet winds and sunshine accompanying them wherever they go in his realm. When their hands and hearts are entangled as much as their limbs and tongues.

It's sweet as honey.

It will not last.

He’s mired in the never-beens and wishes, the dark and the forbidden and the nearly-forgotten - and while Hob might love him as many people love their dreams, as soon as they get too close Morpheus will invariably break his heart. Be it through disappointment and ennui or when Morpheus’ flights of fancy will have Hob's grip slipping, see him falling out of love towards the awakening, and shatter.

And yet, Morpheus wants.

There is the inevitable end looming, Morpheus knows, because love always ends in his sister's arms. Even more, there is the other end, the one he lets loom on the horizon unseen and felt only in the chill between Hob's visits. He does not let himself think of much of anything then. For now though, he takes Hob's love of life and light and warmth and lets it guide him, lets it be his hearth and home. It's deceiving, but Hob is Morpheus' dream and he wants to hold onto it until he has to face the realities of his fate.

Soon Hob will realize that there is another life waiting for him in the Waking, he will not want to remain bound to one such as he. In the light, Morpheus and his world of dreams will be small and unimportant to Hob, easily forgotten, as dreams are wont to be forgotten in the Waking. It will be Hob who'll try to cancel their accord.

Still, for now the deal keeps them circling each other, keeps them close. Maybe closer than Morpheus is confortable with. Maybe close enough that Hob can see thing Morpheus would want to stay hidden.

Because in Hob's eyes, Dream sees love and devotion but sometimes, there is something else. Morpheus knows it well, has seen it in Nada's eyes before the end. It's fear; desperation and fear. And Hob is right to fear him, he’s right to fear the calamities he might bring upon him, to fear the inevitable end, the fall and the shattering. Hob loves him, Hob fears him, it's inextricable - two sides of the same coin.

Because ultimately, Morpheus will be Hob's fall.

Together, they can learn to fly.

Hob though, is the maker of his own fate; refuses to give up agency over his own destiny. It's in his nature, after all. What Hob fears isn't his own fall. If he falls, he does so because he chooses to risk it. He'll accept the consequences, like he always has.

What he fears, then, is Morpheus’ fall. Because Hob can clearly see him standing on a precipice and he'll go to the ends of all universes and battle the fates themselves if only he can make his love step back and turn around - this isn't a Orpheus and Euridice situation after all, or a retelling of Hades and Persephone.

No one was stolen, and no one has died.

Quite the contrary really. This is live and this is love. It's what hope is made of and Hob won't stop trying to get Morpheus to see it. To see as well, that Hob doesn’t need Morpheus to stay aloft, that he is perfectly capable of carrying his own weight and helping Morpheus along at the same time. If only Morpheus would give in to Hob calling him back to life and turn the fuck around!

This story is theirs alone and Hob will make damned sure they never get an ending and only a happily ever after. Morpheus just needs to take his hand and dare the first step.

~~☆~~☆~~☆~~

Okay, that’s a wrap then. I also have at least one AU that involves a more dramatic and fantastical reason for Hob having to spend half of his time in the Dreaming. Then, there’s the idea of a fairytale AU. There's one of Hob getting fed up and be the one to propose a Persephone-like deal if Dream insists on treating this like a effing story (im partial to that one lol). And a slew of other ideas. They don't stay as close to the song lyrics as this here, though.

[umichenginabroad]

Stockholm Week 14: Best Attractions in Iceland  

Our core spent nearly an entire week exploring Iceland in diverse ways!

We arrived in Iceland on Sunday and started the first full day on Monday. 

4/15 Mon: I ate FERMENTED shark (as if eating a shark was not eccentric enough)

It was a relatively late morning, schedule starting at 10 am. We went down to eat breakfast at the hotel around 9 am. All the food was high quality, which was something unexpected. I exploited the buffet and ended up with 5 plates to return. 

It was time for our first academic visit, The Iceland Ocean Cluster. It was a collaboration center for start-up companies using byproducts of fish. A lot of products are made from parts such as fish skin and liver, previously thrown away without use. Some examples were Omega 3, hand cream, fish-skin wallet, and energy drinks. 

Group picture taken by DIS!

Our second academic visit of the day was an informational lecture at the City of Reykjavik - we got to listen to how the city of Reykjavik is working with environmental protection, urban planning, waste management, and climate action.

The paper bag drama

Right after the presentation, we spontaneously entered a thrift store across the street, and wow. Everything they had was in good condition and high quality. There were so many good shoes in particular - my friend found Dr Martin for $40 like what??? I also got Nike sneakers and Vagabond sandals for less than $60, which is a deal. They were as good as new! 

For dinner, DIS scheduled a Reykjavik Food Walking Tour. A fun local guide told us Icelandic myths, history, and backgrounds of the foods that we ate that day! Some things that we ate were: lamb and salmon tartar, lamb hotdog, lamb stew, Icelandic sauces and jams, fermented shark, and blueberry yogurt cheesecake dessert. 

Celebrities from all over the world comes to that specific hotdog stand to try!

We got to feed the birds and swans on the lake with leftover bread that was given along with the stew. We were surrounded by all of them, unable to escape.

The seagulls were lowkey mean to the other birds, snatching the food away

The guide mentally and physically prepared us for the shark, teaching us when and how to breathe before eating the shark. It didn’t taste too bad (a little fishy?) to my surprise but maybe because they let us drink a shot afterward. 

Face with mixed feelings of fear, excitement, and curiosity

The tour took around 4 hours but it was a cool experience! I mean, where else would I be able to casually eat a fermented shark?

This is going off on a tangent but I wanted to share this: they have 10-11 instead of 7-11  ( ˙◞˙ )

4/16 Tue: Glacier Hiking !0!

The grand activity of the study tour, the South Coast and Glacier Hiking!!! 

It was around two-hours of bus ride, but the scenery on the way there was magnificent. Windows background photos were moving in front of my eyes!

Spectacular views

Everyone was so excited to hike on Iceland’s fourth-largest glacier. The local guide who led the way was super friendly and attentive  :)  

Class photo!

I could not believe that I was hiking on the glaciers, and sometimes I think that it was a daydream. What a surreal experience (for free too)!

Credit of last two pictures to DIS!

On the way back, we stopped at two waterfalls. I can vividly picture the first waterfall, Skógafoss, in my mind. It was just stunning. My friend and I ran towards it and ended up getting soaked up ヽ(´▽`)ﾉ 

Everything was fun at the moment 

Even better, a double rainbow popped up as soon as the sun came out. I haven’t seen such a vibrant rainbow in a while - pure happiness rushed to me. 

I don’t exactly know why but I love this place with all my heart 

I should live close to some kind of waterfall when I get older. The joy nature brings me is beyond belief. 

We had another group dinner near our hotel. The hotel we stayed at was in the city center; all the stores and restaurants were nearby! From the prices on the menu, we concluded that Iceland is very pricey. 

4/17 Wed: Geothermal Greenhouse 

Wednesday's main visit in my opinion was going to Friðheimar Geothermal Greenhouse. We learned about their ways of growing tomatoes in their greenhouse. They also had hives of bumblebees! It was good to see a lot of bees since we don’t see them as often anymore. 

All I wanted to do was to pick the tomatoes... But as a grown-up, I restricted myself

For lunch, they served a whole cuisine: grilled tomatoes and meat/vegetable skewers, tomato soup with huge loaves of cheese/olive bread, and cheesecake with tomato jam (better than it sounds)! If I hadn’t eaten so much for breakfast, I would’ve devoured more bread and soup :( 

The cheesecake was served in a pot! Isn't that so cute

With our full tummies, we headed to the Geothermal Exhibition. Iceland produces 100% of its electricity from renewable energy from hydro and geothermal power from the volcanoes. We got to closely look around the power plant and get descriptions from one of the employees. 

Sci-fi movies could film here

The rest of the afternoon and evening were on our own, so we went on a souvenir-shop tour around our neighborhood. I bought a cute Viking shot glass as a present for my younger brother. I tried one of the 70% dark chocolate too and it was AMAZING. It was so rich in flavor ( ˶ˆ⤙ˆ˵ )   

For dinner, my friend and I went to the first ramen place in Iceland and oh my gosh it was the best ramen I’ve ever had in Europe. 

I took a bite before taking the picture

4/18 Thu: Golden Circle Tour: Secret Lagoon, Geysir, Gullfoss, Thingvellir National Park

In the Iceland itinerary, a highlighted note read “Please bring your swimming clothes!” We got to swim in the Secret Lagoon, the oldest swimming pool in Iceland! It was filled with warm water from the hot (100+ degrees Celsius) springs nearby. 

Certain parts of the pool were full of algae, offering an oddly pleasant texture. It reminded me of the polar plunging + sauna experience in Umeå. Basking in the warmth of the pool was a relaxing experience. 

I want to jump in right now

After the rejuvenating swim, we headed to Geysir. There were multiple active geysers, one of which shot water 30 meters up into the air. 

This is a small geyser - doesn’t it look like a tiny water fountain? 

The next stop was Gullfoss, which was the most famous waterfall in Iceland. It is known as the “golden waterfall,” featuring a cascade of waterfalls one after another.  

The picture didn't do a good job capturing the magnitude of the waterfalls

The last official stop of the study tour was the Thingvellir National Park, which is one of the UNESCO World Heritage Sites.

Typical bathroom views

The park had multiple attractions such as the site of Iceland’s first parliament. A group of us headed towards the valley separating North America and Eurasia. The water we encountered was exceptionally clear like a reflection from a mirror. 

Iceland = nature.

To celebrate the successful end of the study tour and a friend’s 21st birthday, DIS arranged an hour of karaoke for our class. We had so much fun that we ended up extending by an hour  ᖗ( ᐛ )ᖘ  The Mickey sparkly special glitter something shot (apparently their signature shot) was truly delightful. 

4/19-22 Fri-Mon: Facing My Consequences 

We met at the hotel lobby at 4:15 am to catch our 7 am flight… Let me just say that I passed out on the plane (sleepwise). However, it was nice to arrive in Stockholm in the early afternoon; I had an unbelievable amount of work to do. 

All I did on the weekend was sleep, eat, and study for the exam for my online Reactions course. When my brain got fried, I did other work for DIS courses and blogs. Assignments and group projects and presentations and essays and exams are flooding in until the end of the semester! 

In the next few weeks, you will see me balancing between traveling and school work. I will try my best not to get too overwhelmed with school! 

Thank you for reading ♡

Vertu blessaður, 

Jiwoo Kim

Chemical Engineering

DIS Study Abroad in Stockholm, Sweden

[biiedwin8]

Maladaptive Daydreaming: Why you Need to Manage Your Daydreaming as A New Year Resolution

Hey guys, Happy New Year! I hope you enjoyed your holidays. Today, I'd like us to start the year by understanding why it's crucial for you to manage your daydreaming, not stop it, but incorporate it as part of your New Year resolutions. I've heard many people say, "This thing is not a problem; I enjoy it. I can't live without it. Let me just focus on my career, work, and other things." However, the addiction to daydreaming is something else. I'm going to explain why it's essential, and it's a crucial part of crushing your goals this year.

Actually, there are various elements of daydreaming. Let's start with the logical aspects first. On average, from my research, most compulsive daydreamers, or those addicted to daydreaming, spend 3 to 7 hours of their day daydreaming. So, imagine spending 3 to 7 hours of your waking days, or active hours, where you should be working on your goals or career. If you spend, on average, close to 5 hours a day, that's nearly 150 hours in a month and around 2400 hours in a year, which is almost 100 waking days.

If you don't manage your daydreaming, you'll end up losing about 100 working days in a year to daydreaming. Will you really achieve those goals when you're spending 100 working days in an imaginary world? Without even going into other aspects like stress, let's focus on the logical aspect. If you spend 100 hours in an imaginary world, you're taking away 100 hours from your real life. What can you achieve in 100 days in real life? You can pursue another course, find another job, spend time with your family, study, or develop additional skills. You can do a lot with this time, and it can significantly impact your life.

If you keep spending 3 to 7 hours a day in that imaginary world and insist it's not a problem, you are slowly taking away your life. That's why you may not achieve your New Year resolutions or 2024 goals. Managing daydreaming is not about stopping it; it's about taking back control. Instead of spending 3 to 7 hours a day, you should have control over it. Choose when to engage in it and when not to. Therapy is about giving you new choices and control over these behaviors in your life.

Daydreaming itself is a normal behavior, but the uncontrollable aspect becomes abnormal. If you want to work on your goals, achieve your dreams, and live a more peaceful and happier life this year, it's time to accept and acknowledge that your addiction to daydreaming will not help you get there. Managing it, not stopping it, is the key. Imagine saving yourself 100 days by the end of January. What would you do with those 100 days? You could make more money, build quality relationships, have deep experiences, try new hobbies, and achieve more than you thought possible.

So, start the year by looking for solutions to manage your daydreaming. Don't start the year knowing that you'll lose 100 days. Instead, look for ways to manage it, and you'll see significant improvements in your life. If you need help and want to start the year by managing your daydreaming, book a free breakthrough call with me. I'm taking new clients, and I'll explain why daydreaming is not the problem but a symptom. Dealing with the root cause is crucial to achieving your New Year resolutions.

Don't just focus on the simple aspects of New Year resolutions; focus on things you didn't do last year and improve on them. Take back control of your daydreaming. Until next time, guys, Happy New Year! I'm looking forward to some amazing content this year. Feel free to subscribe, share, comment, and ask me questions about your daydreaming journey. I'll be glad to answer and guide you this year. Happy New Year, guys!

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with overcoming and managing your maladaptive daydreaming without spending years in therapy, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

[simultaneously-sick-and-calm]

»pairing: Man from the Railroad!Atsuhiro x fem!reader

»word count: 3.2k

»Part 1 | IS IT A GOD INSIDE YOU, GIRL? (1st OGoA AU piece by @get-shiggy-with-it )

»summary: A deal is struck and a desire indulged.

»a/n: part two!! Thanks to my beloved @get-shiggy-with-it for beta reading for me. I hope you enjoy!

»warnings: Appalachian folklore, piv sex, fingering (f receiving), monsterfucking (if you squint), implied tragedy (mine disasters, death of workers/children), some reader backstory, historical AU 1800's mining town, Old Gods of Appalachia podcast AU, 18+ MDNI

The Man from the Railroad was no less intriguing when he returned one evening weeks later to meet with your brother. Just as you'd suspected, he’d practically leaped at the opportunity to cut a potentially lucrative deal without the ever-present gaze of your father looking over his shoulder. For years he had been trying, and failing to make dear old dad believe that he was ready to take over the company. Much to his chagrin however, it was clear that while your father didn’t really trust anyone with the specific ins and outs of the business; the man had seemed in recent years to bristle just a little less when approached by your soft questioning voice, over the harsh cut of his son’s.

This time upon entering the parlor room Atsuhiro took your hand in his own immediately, bringing it once again to the soft plush of his lips in greeting. The heat under your collar seared up the length of your neck, settling once again on your cheeks. “My darling lady! How lovely it is to see your enchanting face. A sight for sore eyes, indeed.”

“Why thank you, Sir. Once again you’re proving to be far too kind.” You brother failed to stifle a huff, clearly irritated that you were distracting his mysterious benefactor. The noise of it shook you back from the daydreams threatening to pull you under.

Pushing from your mind the thoughts of hands at your waist...or how his lips might brush over more of your skin in that same gentle way they caressed your fingers; you guided Atsuhiro’s attention to your brother, finally introducing them. “Henry, this is the Man from the Railroad who asked to see you the other night.”

“Yes, of course!” came your brother’s too jovial attempt at making himself appear likeable. Guiding your guest away without so much as acknowledging your presence. “I was so pleased to hear that you’re interested in our little family affair, kind Sir. Please follow me and we can speak more privately in the office.”

“That sounds just delightful. Lead the way, my friend.” Casting one last glance over the shoulder of his perfectly pressed suit, Atsuhiro winked and followed your brother through the office door.

And just like that, you were once again left standing alone at the desk, consumed by the lingering heat of his lips against your skin. And oh lord above you were hungry for it. It wasn’t an overly familiar feeling, admittedly, but you were no stranger to this kind of desire...to this yearning that threatened to burn you up from the inside whenever you caught wind of him. Which had been often over the last several days.

Since his appearance it seemed as though he was everywhere. Word spread of groups gathering in the large fields just outside town, all to listen to him speak. He promised them purpose, good and honest work that would better not only their own lives but those of all who surrounded them.

Fathers and sons.

Wanderers and vagrants.

All were welcome to join him in working for the Railroad. There was a place for every good, hard-working man among his ranks, and every voice who whispered about this black-suited man with the green bolo tie seemed almost as smitten as you.

Even as all the rumors and the chatter flowed like the streams at the base of the mountain. As the other young women in town flushed and swooned at the sight of the hat sitting proudly above the group of men that surrounded him; you held on to one small thing. The way that his given name tasted on your tongue. It was bitter and sweet, rolling over the plush of your lips with an uncertain kind of hope. For all the tongues that wagged about his sudden and overwhelming appearance in your small hometown, none of them referred to him by any name at all.

Only you had been bestowed the privilege--no, the honor, of having a name to breathe out into the darkest moments of night when every beautiful slope of his face occupied your mind. Those fleeting seconds when all you could hear was the gentle tone of his whispering in your ear, imagining the way that it might deepen and rasp under your kiss. The way it would feel to have your fingers intertwined with his own, or trace them delicately over the sharp line of his jaw and the gentle turn of his grin. All of a sudden the ornate handle behind you turned, startling you once again from your daydreams.

Henry’s voice, followed immediately by the soft floating drone of Atsuhiro’s were just on the other side. You caught just the tail end of their conversation as the door swung open. “Well, Henry my friend, I am simply delighted at the prospect of our future endeavors together. I think that with your manpower, and my connections we can truly turn the tide in this battle. Industry is the path to the future, and we must move along with it. Ever onward and ever forward, as they say, hmm?”

“You’re absolutely right, Sir. I think this is the start of a great partnership.” Henry hadn’t sounded so enthusiastic about anything, aside from maybe a free round of drinks at his favorite watering hole, in years. “We have many who would love to be a part of the kind of thing that you’re offering, and I think that my father especially will be looking forward to seeing all your plans come to fruition.”

Fruition. That was quite the word choice for Henry, and you did your best to stifle a chuckle. Usually by this time he was long inebriated past the point where words with a second syllable became a struggle for him. The attempt was admittedly half-hearted, and the smallest of sounds slipped out before it could be reigned back into the confines of your chest.

Thankfully, Henry was already in the midst of pulling a coat from the rack, and making his way out after a hearty handshake with his new partner. “Wonderful to meet you, and I’m sorry that I have to run out so quickly...I, uh have another meeting to get to.'' He tipped his hat in Atsuhiro’s direction and added a muffled “Sister. I’ll see you in the morning. Please make sure that the good gentleman has all of the information that he needs before you go.”

The both of you murmured farewells in return as he hurried out--no doubt late to boast about his success to the usual crowd of drunkards and fools with whom he spent most evenings. And with his hurried exit, you felt the heat under your skin creep back into its former home. Warming your face in what must have been a world record time. Absently you lifted a hand to brush a stray hair from your eyes, hoping in vain that the action might shake you out whatever state these daydreams had thrust you into. A beat passed in silence, and then another before you felt Atsuhiro’s eyes find you across the small space. He was so much closer just an hour before and still you felt like you’re burning up from the inside out at his attention.

Steeling yourself against your own hesitation, you turned to face him and tried to find your voice among the rabble of butterflies that currently occupied all of the space that used to cradle your lungs. “Henry, seemed to be rather taken with you, Sir--”

“As much as I enjoy hearing you refer to me so formally, my darling girl. You are well aware of my name.”

His hungry stare could have consumed you. In fact, the longer you stood there, with just a few steps holding the rigid distance between you, the more of you became quite certain that it would do just that. Every quip that you might have hoped to throw back sizzled away on the molten heat of your usually sharp tongue. “Y-yes, I am aware of it.”

“Then why,” three smooth strides closed the distance between you, bringing him impossibly close, “my dear, do you seem so insistent on forgetting it just when I want to hear it the most?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I know a great many things. Things that others do not, and could not know. Like the way that your lips curl so lovely around my name in the stillness of night. It's a tantalizing sound my dear, and I am eager to hear more of it."

He was so close as he spoke, the way his breath danced over your lips was astounding. Being so close to him felt similar to the way you had imagined in the several days since he last filled the space around you, but there was also something altogether unexpected about it. Everything about him seemed to surround you, compressing into a space far too small for any physical being to occupy.

The heady smell of him had you intoxicated, clinging to every inch of skin that lay exposed in the cool autumn air that rolled through the open door. His very presence was heavy, like the blankets of fog that clung for far too long at the mouths of caves, or the last sticky days of summer heat that always lingered on the mountain air.

As a child you could recall the way it felt to taste air like tonight’s on your tongue. The way that it invaded your senses, and bit back as if it had teeth all its own sharp and jagged, in their futile attempts to keep the turning seasons at bay. If it weren’t for the way Atsuhiro’s fingertips burned a path along your cheek as they moved smoothly from temple to jaw, you might have been lost to its chill.

He knew.

He knew everything.

More than just the way you spoke his given name. More than the flicker of hope that melted away at the wax seal surrounding your heart. More than the way you melted into his embrace in the same way now.

The glint in his earthen eyes gave way to something more than human, a sum of parts greater than just the man himself who now pressed his body so close to your own. And in that moment, every story your grandmother shared, every warning weaved intricately into the design of the tales came back to you. Along with one other...

Your grandfather didn’t often indulge in storytelling, but he made sure to tell you one. The one about the man from the company with a green bolo tie and sharp silver tongue, that he had met as a younger man. The man who never shared his name, but worked beside him for years to open the mine. To set your family's legacy on its path, one which would eventually lead to this great reaping of the effort he had sown generations ago. You hadn’t ever figured out if the tale was laced with warning like all the others. Honestly, you couldn’t remember any other details, but now you were quite sure that it would make no difference.

You were certain of just one thing. What he needed, and what you wanted were one and the same.

What he sought from you was an opportunity for indulgence. The shred of his humanity that remained among whatever else made up the mass of him was wavering. Flickering like the prayer candles adorning every window in every home as they mourned the things he and his revolution stole from them. He knew that you understood what he was -- what he wasn't, really, and that you weren’t afraid. The weight of your acceptance seemed to settle on his shoulders, and he crumbled into you.

“Atsuhiro...” You whispered into the lips that ghosted over your own.

He tasted like the first crisp breeze of the season. Sharp, and tinged with inevitability, but heavy with understanding that the death of all things familiar lay in wait at its heels.

Desperation overtook him, painting a new color on his usually monochrome pallet. Teeth and tongue fought hard to remain in control, and he won. Licking into your mouth and sighing beautifully when finally you relented the battle of wills and allowed him to consume you completely.

The hands that moments ago were caging you in, now began to roam. Kneading, sliding, savoring every pliable part of you. Hooking a hand beneath one of your knees, Astuhiro lifted your leg, guiding you so shift backward until you found yourself seated on the desk. You used the leverage to lock your legs around his waist and pull him into you, the action bunching your skirts around your waist. Mewling when your hips were finally pressed fully together, you felt the smirk return to his face. Finally you felt him, hard and hot, even through the few remaining layers of clothing that kept you apart.

He pulled away then, tilting your face to look up at him and relishing in the way you groaned at the loss of his heat. Not to say that he was faring much better, it had been so long since he allowed himself this small pleasure, and you were so willing. He was surprised at himself, really, for managing to hold it together this long already. “This is not the first time you have been touched like this, is it, my pet?” He purred into your ear as fingers traced a soft line up the length of your leg, halting to knead the soft flesh just inches away from where you both wanted him to be.

“No, it’s not--hmmm, please…”

He could practically feel the pulsing, the soft wet heat of your waiting cunt. The pretty sounds you made going straight to his cock, and he wanted more. He needed to hear you cry out his name in strangled ecstasy. “Please what, my darling girl? You’re doing so well for me already. Tell me what it is that you need?” he crooned, relishing in the way you preened at even the smallest bit of praise.

“I think,” you began, once again finding the bravery within yourself that his presence seemed to pull out of you, “that it is you who needs me, Atsuhiro.”

He was, for a split second, shocked at the way you took his face in both hands, pulled him to your level and kissed him hard. It was beautiful, this growing fire in you, and as it overtook his senses, he thought for a moment about how he could have loved it--could have loved you--in another life. Or even in his own, back when he was truly just a man. When his name was his own to give freely and did not come with so steep a price.

But now was not the time to linger on such fantasies.

The hand trapped between your bodies made quick work of your underwear, baring your needy cunt to him at last. And Atsuhiro groaned, an altogether animal sound at the slick he found waiting for him there, and he used its abundance to ease first one long finger, then a second, in time into the heat of you. Stroking gently, he explored the soft velvet of your walls until he found it, the spot that made you keen against him. The dark whimper of his given name that fell from your lips when he began to circle the bundle of nerves in sync, was almost more than he could bear. Never in all his time spent on this wretched earth, had he heard something so beautiful.

Now, you were no sweet spring blossom, innocence was something you left behind long ago. But the delicious way he played your body like a violin was foreign indeed. None of the clumsy hands that rushed to lift your skirts had ever made you feel so good.

"Astu--Ah!" You gasped against his shoulder, feeling for all intents like a spring wound too tightly. One hand wound itself tightly in his silky hair and the other blindly searching for the smooth buckle at his waist. Panting, struggling for words between ragged breaths. "Wait! Wait, I--fuck--I want to feel you."

"Yes, of course my dear."

Sliding from your seat on the desk, you beckoned him to follow and settled back into the plush of the sofa. You barely caught the way that his breath hitched as you finally loosed him from the confinement of his clothes. Taking a moment to admire him, you allowed your fingers to trace the lines. Strong smooth stomach giving way to slender hips and and cock that you might even say was pretty. Impressive, certainly, but not in any way that made you fear pain. Rather he looked as though he was made to fit together with you just right.

And oh, how perfect it was.

Atsuhiro trembled as he sank to the hilt into your warmth, and the both of you sighed as he began to move.

Slowly.

Gently.

The moment stretched and was reverent in a way, as though the both of you understood its gravity. He angled and nudged that heavenly spot again, and the way you clenched around him forced a low groan into the air between you.

He looked up with wide eyes, struck again by the reality of you.

Never in any of the handful of times that he'd chosen to indulge in his baser instincts had the object of his fixation been anything more than a pretty face and a warm body, in the end. And he had the small handful of marbles in his breast pocket to prove it. Each one a reminder that he was no longer Sako Atsuhiro. He couldn't risk leaving a loose pair of loose lips with something so powerful as his own name.

But you…

You were something altogether different than the rest. Unexpected. Secure.

He could lose himself in you.

And as you came undone around him with a whimper of his given name, he did just that. Vaulting with you over the precipice. He worked you both through the high, and in return you kissed him deeply.

A while later, still entwined on the old velvet sofa, your name, whispered softly in the surrounding stillness pulled you back from the edge of sleep.

"Hmm?" You asked gently, afraid to disturb the peace. You knew that this was borrowed time.

"You know that I cannot--"

You silenced him with lips against his own. "I know."

"Thank you, my dear."

--

You awoke the next morning to a stack of those shiny cards on the desk, and a note. Scrawled quickly over the surface were just a handful of words.

These are for the men that your brother wishes to send my way. Keep none for yourself. Ever onward and ever forward.

-A

Next to them in the slim vase where you'd left the blue marble, now was only a long white feather. Very much like the one you'd noticed missing from his hat.

[avengerscompound]

Small Gods: Patience - 4

Patience:  A Black Widow Fanfic

Patience Masterlist | More Small Gods PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Natasha Romanoff x F!Reader

Rating: E

Word Count:  1786

Warnings: canon typical violence

Synopsis: Every day Natasha prays for more patience to deal with a litany of things from waiting for her target to make a move - to not yelling at Clint for putting empty milk containers back in the fridge.

When her prayers are answered, Natasha finds that having patience is easy, holding on to it is a little harder.

Chapter 4

Natasha was not good at emotions.  She didn’t like them - so she buried them.  It was better to be the cold and heartless assassin who could be killed at any moment than to risk being hurt in a way that mattered.  She shut people out and pushed them towards others so at least she could see what being happy might look like on someone else, even if she never felt it herself.

Except - Natasha was happy.

It took her a little while to realize that was what the feeling was.  She recognized happiness in those short joyful bursts where she’d be with a group of people you care about and they’ve all let their walls down and just briefly she would too.  That quick burst of serotonin never lasted but always felt good while she had it.

That was nothing like what she was feeling now.  It was a long-term contentedness, mixed with hope, and just enough excitement to keep her interested.  It was scary really.  She was vulnerable.  She had something to lose.

Yet all around her things seemed better.  Food tasted better.  Spending time with her friends felt different - she could connect with them more.  Even Clint’s annoying habits seemed to lean more to funny than annoying.

The others noticed it.  Sometimes Clint would flinch when he made some stupid joke - like he was expecting to get cuffed on the back of the head, and when it didn’t come he’d look at her suspiciously - almost as if he thought she was saving up to get him later.

She put it all down to you.

Natasha was falling for you.  Hard.  She sought you out in her free time, and you popped in her head even at awkward times like on missions.  You had cracked through her hard outer shell and even though she was scared of her soft parts being exposed, it felt good.

“Nat, head in the game,” Steve shouted.

Natasha whipped around to see a HYDRA agent running directly at her.  She flipped forward, kicking them in the head and then following through with her baton.  The agent practically flew backward and landed in a heap.

“Nat’s daydreaming about her lover again,” Tony teased as he blasted his way through a bunker.

Natasha scowled.  She had been distracted, and she had been thinking about you.  This kind of grunt work always felt mindless and repetitive, like putting books into boxes.  She was a spy - not a soldier and it was easy to start thinking about other things when she was doing such repetitive work, but usually, the only thing she had occupying her mind was the job and the mindless banter happening over the comms.

“Please never say lover again, Tony,” Clint teased.  “That gave me the heebie-jeebies.”

“Thor says it all the time!”  Tony argued.

“Yeah, but that’s Thor!”  Clint said.  “Thor can say all kinds of weird shit and it sounds good.  Doesn’t mean you get to.”

“Why thank you, Barton,” Thor chuckled.  “That is very flattering.”

“I’m as good as Thor!”  Tony yelped.

There was a sudden group shouting of dissent and Natasha couldn’t help the smile that crossed her face.  She had always had such a love-hate relationship with the group’s banter during battle.  It was nice being part of them, and she did enjoy dropping her own snarky comment into the mix but growing up the way she did - fights were serious - fun was for other people.  It felt slightly wrong to be joking while you were also fighting for her life.

“Let’s all agree right now that no one, not even Thor mentions anything about my lovers,” Natasha snarked.

The group continued to fight, Natasha pushing all thoughts of you down and focusing on the job.  By the time everyone had been arrested, the operation had been shut down and Natasha had performed the lullaby on Hulk, it was late and Natasha was exhausted to the bone.

She piloted the Quin back silently, just listening to Clint jabber away as her thoughts drifted back to you.  She knew there would be a debrief to go to, but what she really wanted was to go straight to your place and curl up next to you before passing out for a good twelve hours.

She could wait.  She was better at that now.  Besides, it was worth the wait.

She guided the jet down onto the launch pad and as it drew the jet down into the hanger, she and Clint began the cool-down procedures.  The back of the jet opened up and everyone got up and trudged off.

When Clint got up to disembark, Steve took his place.  “What happened out there today?”  He asked.  “You nearly lost your head.”

“That’s why we’re a team, isn’t it?”  Natasha asked.  “Make sure no one misses anything?  Get each other’s backs?”

“Of course,” Steve assured her.  “And we’re all here to pick up the slack.”

“I’m hearing a big ‘but’ coming,” Natasha said.

Steve smiled and shook his head.  “But…” he said.  “It’s not like you, Nat.  You always have your head in the game more than anyone else.  You’re the one I don’t have to worry about.  So when I do, it worries me.  Is everything okay?”

Natasha frowned.  Her head wasn’t in the game.  Steve was right.  She was happy and happiness meant her work was suffering.

“Everything is fine, Steve,” she said.

“You sure?”  Steve said.  “I’m only asking as a friend.  If there was something up, I’d want to help.”

“It’s fine.  I’ll sort it out,” Natasha said.

Natasha was exhausted by the time she showed up at your place.  She hadn’t slept for almost thirty-six hours and she thought that she’d broken a rib in the battle.  She needed to see you though.  Rip it off like a band-aid.  She liked you.  She liked you a lot.  So much that if she didn’t cut it off now it was going to turn into love and once that happened, she wouldn’t be able to do it.  If she was with you, she would be worse at her job, and if she didn’t have her job, she was nothing.

She knocked on your door.

She could hear you singing on the other side and when you pulled the door open your whole face lit up.  “Tasha!”  You squeaked and launched yourself into her arms.  She made a pained ‘oof’ sound as you wrapped your arms around her, but that didn’t hurt as much as her heart did right at this moment.  You were always so cool and put together, the excitement and pure joy you expressed seeing her were too much.  Natasha was going to hurt you and it was going to kill her to do it.  “I didn’t know you were back.  I am so happy to see you.”

“Krasotka,” Natasha said, closing her arms around you and breathing you in.

You must have heard the pain in her voice because you pulled back immediately and looked you over.  “Are you hurt?”  You asked, pulling her inside.  “Let me get you some ice.”

“It’s fine,” Natasha assured you.  “I’m fine.”

“I can tell you aren’t,” you said, guiding her to the couch and almost pushing her down on it to sit.  “What do you need?  Have you eaten?  I can get you food.  Something to drink?”  You paused and quirked your eyebrow.  “Earth-shattering orgasm?”

“Sit down, Krasotka,” she said.  “We need to talk.”

You narrowed your eyes and took a seat, folding your arms over your chest.  “I don’t like the sound of that.”

Natasha nodded.  “I can’t do this anymore.”

“‘This’ as in ‘us’?”  You asked.

“That’s right,” Natasha said.  Her heart was already hurting.  She wished she was a stronger person.  Someone who was allowed to have everything.  Someone who could be in love and do her job.  Someone who could be happy and not feel like the world was falling apart because of it.

“I supposed I should be glad you’re doing this in person,” you said, sitting back in your chair.  “Do I get a reason?”

“Does it matter?”  Natasha asked.

You nodded.  “Yes.  Because I know you’re happy when you’re with me, and I know you like me, so whatever it is, is stupid and if you say it out loud, I’m hoping you’ll be smart enough to figure that out yourself.  I have faith in you.”

“I do like you,” Natasha said.  “This isn’t about you.  It’s about me.”

“Wow,” you scoffed, raising your hands. “I don’t think I have ever gotten the ol’ it’s not you, it’s me before.  Continue.”

Natasha was getting angry now.  She had expected you to be upset, not hostile.  She had prepared for tears and begging, not to be told she was an idiot.  She sat up straight and folded her arms.  “This is hard for me, okay?  I don’t owe you an explanation.  It was fun.  But now it’s over.”

“And that’s that?”  You said.

“Yes,” Natasha said, getting up.  “That’s that.” 

You stood up too, bailing her up against the wall.  She was half tempted to actually fight you.  If that’s what you wanted to make this, she was quite capable of kicking your ass.  You brought your face close to hers, she could feel the warmth of your breath on her lips.  “You’re making a mistake, Natasha.  I don’t know what happened while you were gone that got you all up in your head and made you think you don’t deserve me, but it doesn’t really matter.  The world is not a place of fairness or balance.  It’s just random chaos and in that, you called to me and I came.  You’re going to realize that breaking up is a mistake.  I know you will because it is.  We’re good together and you wanted me.  I can wait.  I’m very patient.”

A million different arguments popped into Natasha’s head but instead, she just pushed you away and stormed out.  She had never felt the desire to cry as much as she did right now.  Her heart felt like it had been shattered into a million pieces and she’d done it to herself.  She walked down the street not even knowing where she was headed, all she knew was that she wanted to go back up to you and tell you she was sorry and that you were right, but her anger and her pigheadedness stopped her.  There was a bar on the corner, she went straight inside.  She wouldn’t cry but she would drink.  Maybe she’d even find someone to take her home tonight.  Right now she’d do anything to stop herself from thinking that she’d made a huge mistake.

// NEXT

[bookuya]

hi!! congrats on hitting 1k followers, dude! that's a huge deal! you deserve it ♡

uhh if you're still taking requests i'd like to make one.. hoo boy i'm nervous HNFBSNND

but! i'd prefer one of the male characters for a match!

and as for me as a person, well... i like to play piano during my down time and i often spend hours upon hours looking for new music to listen to, as well as go through old songs for the sake of reminiscing! uhh, i also really really adore creative writing (it's actually my major and i'm actually a genshin x y/n author myself!)

i tend to create entire worlds on a whim, although my attention span is painfully short.. i really really really love fantasy and magic and forests and AAA that stuff, yep!

uhh, i don't like schedules? i hate plans because it stresses me out; i like doing things on the fly, like impromptu dates at 3 am, or road trips across the country with no end in sight, or maybe just a full day of napping together!! just!!! spontaneous behavior!!

aaand as for my ideal date... probably sightseeing? and not like, formal sightseeing, but just aimless wandering and taking pictures and eating food, and stuff like that!

erm, i guess a side note would be that i have adhd, so i do have sensory issues, i happy stim, i ramble about things i've fixated on (amongst other things).. which may or may not show in this ask (i am SO sorry, btw ;-;)

i think i'll stop here so i don't annoy you any more but yeah!! congrats again on 1k!!

hello, thank you my dear!! <3

i match you with... scaramouche!

the moment i saw the word piano i thought of scaramouche, i don't know why but after reading the rest of your entry i think scaramouche would somewhat fit you! or i'm just too obsessed with opposites attract :)

anyways, i think scaramouche would be someone who also knows how to play the piano but barely does it. it's a small fact about him that no one knows about cause he doesn't bother talking about it. but if you start playing and he hears from in the hallway? he reluctantly enters the room and listens to you play. he pretends to act disinterested but eventually, he tells you to scoot over when you're done and plops onto the seat beside you, starting to play the piano as well.

scaramouche doesn't compliment you directly, it's more like little lecturing phrases with a bit of kindness added in. for example, he'll respond with something like "it's okay but you can do better" if you asked how it sounded, but he'll also comment while you play that, "your hands move well." (he only comments when you play cause he thinks you won't be able to hear him.)

okay but?? imagine listening to music with scaramouche, he doesn't say anything but on the inside he's pretty much enjoying the music in your playlist. he would also ask for your favorites, adding them into his own playlist to listen to while he goes to work or other long errands.

this is funny but if scaramouche catches you while you daydream, he strikes me as someone who purposely scares you to snap you out of it. like walking behind you and whispering into your ear, "what do you think you're doing?" he laughs if you jump from surprise and start cursing him out.

for your ideal date, i can somewhat imagine scara waking you up really late at night. he drags you out of the house and ignores your complaints but eventually, he guides you to some big tree (LMAO) and tells you to climb it with him. it's weird but then you understand why; the view of the blue-purple sky is gorgeous and you're at a loss of words. scaramouche doesn't look at the sky, he looks at you for your reaction. and seeing you happy makes him havr to turn his head and hide a satisfied smile.

[starrywhump]

Enjoy this story with random new ocs that started off as a vent cause disassociating is scary and the worst so I want fictional characters to also deal with it.

“-you…. ok?”

Faintly they recognized a voice, what it was saying was lost on them.

Their eyes were closed. The darkness around them felt big, like a vast world. One that was easier to be in right now. Unless they focused really, really hard, they couldn't tell there was any world other than that darkness.

They weren't thinking anything but felt completely lost in thought, it was like something hadn't quite worked right. Some switch didn't flip at the right time and they were daydreaming as an action but there was no dream in their head.

The sensation of the ground below them, hot air around them, they could feel it perfectly but at the same time, none of it felt real.

Their brain kept almost working it all out, never quite getting to a solid conclusion before starting over again from scratch.

Even that feeling of being unsure they were unsure about, as soon as they thought they were almost sure about it, they never quite got there.

"Are you ok?"

There was that voice.

There was a weight on their arm, after some amount of time they couldn't quite identify, they realized it was a hand.

The hand wrapped around their forearm.

"Is there someone I can call for you?"

The voice seemed louder, it filled the darkness. Not lighting it but occupying all the space that was there. It almost hurt.

The air around them was hot, and there was solid ground under their feet.

At some point the ground moved, it was solid under their back. The air was still hot and around them.

They didn't remember the ground moving.

Their head was pounding now, that was a change. It hurt.

It hurt really bad. When had that happened?

It was like they blinked and fell asleep for a few moments, or minutes or some amount of time where the ground had moved and their head had started hurting.

There was still that weight on them, more places now. Hands.

They also realized someone had been talking this whole time, they only noticed it just now.

It sounded like the voice was worried but they didn't know what it was saying.

The darkness was stronger now and the voice couldn't get inside it.

It was just them and that big void.

And when they finally got too tired, it was just the void.

*********

When they woke up, they woke in a way that felt completely different.

They snapped out of something that immediately brought about a panic of how long had they been trapped in it.

They shot up quickly, causing their head to swim. For a moment they were sure they'd throw up but with a hand over their mouth, they managed to stifle the feeling.

They looked around, careful not to turn their head too quickly. They were in a bed, basic pine frame, plaid sheets. The walls were wood paneling. A simple wooden chair was next to the bed, turned towards it like someone had been watching them sleep.

It sent a shiver down their spine. Their head felt clearer than it had in a while. Then again they weren't sure how they even knew that, because as hard as they tried they couldn't remember it ever feeling clearer, or less clear, or... anything for that matter.

No, they remembered, they were sure. They just couldn't get to the memories, not right now.

They had to get somewhere safe, then they would be able to remember. Right now they had to get somewhere safe.

They turned and dropped their legs off the side of the bed, pushing themselves up to stand.

Distantly they heard a noise, a thunk.

Their face hurt, their nose specifically.

They were on the ground, when had that happened?

They felt tears well up in their eyes, they didn't know how long they just lost. This didn't feel right, there was something wrong with them.

"Hey woah, are you ok? I didn't uh, think you'd get up so soon, yourself."

Hands were on them.

The voice was familiar, vaguely.

"I'm- I'm fine."

That voice was even more familiar, it was so weak they were almost sure it couldn't be theirs, but the scratch in their throat as they talked proved it had to be.

There was a laugh. It was a nice sound.

"Are you sure about that now?"

The hands gripped them firmly, helping them up to a sitting position.

They let themselves be moved, too weak to resist. They forced their eyes open.

A man was crouched in front of them, loose brown curls. His eyes were crinkled warmly.

He smiled as they looked at him, "There you are love, are you ok?"

"Who-" their voice cracked, turning into a weak cough. They tried and failed to speak again. Their throat felt like sandpaper.

The guy shushed him gently, "It's ok, I understand. My name is Theo. I found you wandering around outside, just walking through a field. There isn't much around here, you must have walked for a while. You slept for like 40 hours. I'm going to help you back up on the bed ok?"

Theo helped them up again, guiding them to rest back against the pillows.

"Here," he handed them a glass of water from the side table.

They took it with shaky hands, and be began to gulp it down. Their throat was so dry it hurt at first, but slowly it began to soothe the painful scratchy feeling.

"What happened? To you, I mean. Why were you out there?"

The idea of lying came to their head, they didn't want to tell this stranger any important information.

But it was hard to try and lie when you don't know what's actually true. They couldn't remember anything to lie about.

"I-I..."

"It's ok love, you don't need to tell me. Can I at least get your name?"

That was a safe enough question, they could answer that.

If only they could remember the answer.

"I don't, uh I don't know," their voice was still hoarse, but the pain talking caused was now bearable.

Theo's eyebrows dropped a little, "oh. Well, that's... ok. That's alright, don't worry about it. Everything's going to be ok."

They doubted that. This wasn't normal, people were meant to remember things, about their life, and their name.

"I- I can't remember... anything," their distrust of the man before them was overshadowed by their growing panic, "I can't, what my life was, or what I was- I c-can't," their breathing quickened. Saying it out loud made it so much more real, but they couldn't stop, "I don't know who I am. What's my- who am I? What's my name?" Their voice cracked with held-back tears.

"Ok, ok," Theo held his hands out placatingly, "I don't know, I'm sorry. I wish I could help more. Take a breath, alright? It will be ok. You're safe, you have all the time in the world to figure this out. You can stay here as long as you need."

"I don't know, and I want to. Everything... hurts, it hurts and there has to be a reason, I have to have a name!" They tried to jump off the bed and were easily restained by Theo's hand pushing them back down onto the bed.

"You do have a name. Everyone has a name love, and we'll figure out yours. But right now, you need to relax. You're hurt, you said it yourself, let's deal with that ok? I could only do so much while you were sleeping, let's get you patched up. Get some food in you, it must have been a while since you had a good meal."

They stopped struggling, a few tears silently made their way out of their eyes. Resting sounded amazing, honestly. But even if they tried to they wouldn't be able to quiet the nagging feeling that they were missing something, something important could be happening and they just couldn't remember.

[vhsrights]

Just Another Night Of Hanging Out

Pairing: Morcia

Tags: fluff, a bit of pining, a soft spa and movie night in

Summary: Penelope and Morgan are just friends, the bestest of friends, which is why they have spa and movie nights. Hours spent close by each other's side, trying to hold in the love that is nearly bursting from their hearts. After all, it’s not like the other is in love with them...

WC: 3.4 k words

For the lovely @morcias because hayley loves morcia and inspired me to write this cute ass OS :)

-----------------------

“So are you going to tell him tonight?” JJ smirked and wiggled her eyebrows at Penelope, slowly raising her coffee mug to take a sip.

“Tell who what, sweets?” Penelope twirled the sparkly pen around in her hand, purposefully averting her eyes from her friend and planting them on her computer screen.

“Pen, we’ve been over this. Tell Derek. I mean, it’s obvious that you two were made for each other. Don’t even get me started on how he looks at you or talks about you. What’s taking you so long?” The blonde leaned back against the desk, watching Penelope aimlessly move around files on her desktop.

“Okay, ever since you and Prentiss have gotten together, you have gone all lovey-dovey on me. Derek Morgan is not in love with me. We’re just the best of friends, pals if you want, that have a spa and movie night planned tonight.” JJ rolled her eyes, ignoring her friend’s jab at her new relationship.

“Ew, please never call yourself and Derek ‘pals’. Also, you helped Emily and I get together so you have nothing to say there. Fine, I guess I won’t tell you what Derek told me about you on the jet ride home yesterday. Enjoy moving your files around.” With that, JJ turned to leave the woman’s office, a smirk wide on her face.

“Pump, your brakes. He said something about me? And you weren’t gonna tell me? Jayje, need I remind you that I have the powers of the boundless internet at my fingertips? Park yourself in this seat and spill.” Penelope swiveled around in her chair with enthusiasm, rapt by the information JJ had.

Gesturing to the chair that was against the wall, Garcia’s eyes followed her friend. She could feel the thrum of her heart speed up. Fidgeting with the frilly pen in her hand, she tried to calm her nerves. It would do her no good to be jittery. Derek was her best friend, and she just happened to fall in love with him, that’s all. It was no big deal. Maybe if she told herself that enough, she could believe it. At the moment, just the thought of Morgan alone turned her world. To hell with money or fame or even love, she just needed him. She needed him at her side, in whatever way she could have it.

“Okay, okay, Pen. You know I wouldn’t have kept it from you anyway. Anyways, he was talking to me about a baseball game for the Chicago cubs and I mentioned that you used to go to baseball games as a kid. You should’ve seen his face. His smile stretched like a mile wide and he did that thing with his eyebrows that he does when he thinks about or talks to you.”

Penelope’s nose scrunched and her eyebrows furrowed. Sure she had gone to baseball games as a kid, but it wasn’t often and she never remembered enough about it to have a full conversation about Derek. Why did that thought make him so happy? What eyebrow thing was JJ talking about? In the years that she had spent with him, hours lost examining the sharp angles of his face, she had never seen “the eyebrow thing”. JJ had to be pulling her leg.

Beyond that, imagining the glowing smile on Derek’s face made her giddy. She could almost trace the smile lines that ran deep beside his cheek in her mind. Penelope’s eyes almost closed, piecing together the picture of Morgan’s eyes shining at the thought of her. That was a kind of happiness that she would never be able to describe. It was beyond the butterflies cliche, more that it felt like her life just got 1000 times brighter and she never had to worry ever again.

“Very funny, Jayje. What eyebrow thing? My sweet and I have a close relationship, and I think I would have noticed an “eyebrow thing” if he had one. I know every inch of his angelic face like the back of my hand. He is “the Derek Morgan”, and even if I am a tech goddess, he doesn’t love me like that. I’m his god-given solace, but not the one to complete his heart for the rest of eternity.” Penelope’s voice quivered near the end of her statement. She didn’t let her mind wander too much, hyper-aware of JJ’s presence.

“Oh, look at that, it looks like a data packet is finally ready to upload. Can I get back to my work now?” Garcia quickly diverted the attention from herself at the ping of her computer. JJ didn’t even have time to form a response before she was ushered out.

The click of the door was followed by Garcia slumping back into her chair. The air had left her lungs and the monotone beep of her many monitors was not enough to dull the thoughts in her head. The data packet that she had talked about had been ready to download since before JJ entered her office. Penelope finally started to let it run. She let her wishful thinking set in once more. Images of Derek Morgan’s hand in her own with the words “I love you” on his lips flashed across her thoughts.

It was wishful thinking indeed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Grunts and groans filled the air around Derek Morgan. His eyes were focused on his assailant, determined not to let them get a hit on him. His stance was tight, the balls of his feet light against the ground. Sweat had begun to bead against his eyebrows. Derek’s hands were taut in fists and raised to protect his body. Now, he just had to wait for the right moment to attack.

Everything happened too quickly after that. His eye had caught a sticker on the wall of the BAU gym that was glittery and radiant against the sunlight. Penelope. She was the only one that would do that. The woman was an angel in human form and his focus shifted. He thought of the way that her face lit up around anyone that was talking passionately and the sweet scent of her “candy perfume”. Those distractions were enough to land him flat on his ass.

Emily crouched down beside him and took off her head guard. She had watched the slight tilt in his head and noted a minimal looseness come into his form. Taking advantage of the momentary weakness, and really to test Morgan’s attention, she swung a right hook to his chest. The move was easily blockable and yet her partner had taken it in its full force.

“Morgan, what’s gotten into you?” She said the words quietly, still panting from the intensity of their session. “That hook was square on you and you didn’t even move to block it.”

“I guess my eyes lost focus for a second. Come on, let’s go again. I still haven’t given you your weekly crushing loss.” He beamed and tried to divert the conversation. There was no way he was going to talk about Penelope right now.

Emily laughed weakly and fakely at the joke. She knew exactly what Morgan was trying to pull. Emily had done it many times herself on the topic of JJ before they had gotten together. She recognized that same lovesick look in his eyes. Still wanting to clear up the reason for his loss of focus, Emily asked him again.

“Don’t avoid my question, Derek. Is it Pen? I can see that look in your eyes, like the one you used to make fun of me for before I started dating JJ. You have to tell her, man.”

“No, it wasn’t her. Even if it did happen to be her, Penelope is my best friend and nothing more.”

Lie. Derek Morgan was lying through his teeth.

Penelope Garcia was more to him than words could describe. She was more to him than actions could show. She was more to him than consciousness could perceive. Penelope was his life force. She was the one thing that made waking up in the morning not seem like a chore. She was a light that could alone guide him out of the darkest corners of the Earth, with a heart that felt like the warm safe haven of his childhood home. If he had her and nothing else, Derek Morgan’s world would continue to spin as it did. He just needed her at his side, in whatever way he could have it.

“Liar. You called her Penelope, and you only do that when you start daydreaming about her. Wait! Today is your date with her, isn’t it? I think JJ told me something about a movie and dinner? Ooooh.”

Emily’s words were punctuated by a sigh from Derek. He rolled his eyes in hopes of not revealing how truly excited he was. His heart was beating faster in his chest and that had nothing to do with the rigorous workout that he had just finished with Emily. He knew that Penelope had lined up an array of skincare as part of their special activity for the night. Knowing that she would be so close to his face, Derek would have to resist his urge to kiss her.

“Oh, shut up. It’s not a date. Me and my baby girl are just hanging out, like best friends are supposed to. Just because you and JJ happened to be more than best friends, doesn’t mean that Garcia and I are. She doesn’t like me like that. Garcia is sunlight as a person, or rather an All-Knowing Goddess, so you really think she would date me? I don’t think so.”  

Morgan walked into the locker room before Emily could answer. Yet he still heard a faint “Stop lying to yourself” through the thick door. Derek smiled to himself and grabbed his bag from the corner of the locker room. He changed his shoes and threw one a light jacket. It was barely enough to stop him from shivering under the cold sweat, he would remove it immediately in his car. He got to see Penelope in almost 2 hours, he realized as he checked his watch.

There went his heart again, beating faster and faster. It was almost as if he was in love with her.

Shaking the thoughts from his head, he shut the door and exited the locker room. Derek kept his head down as Emily reappeared by his side. The least he could do was try to hide his deep infatuation further.

“I know that you won’t look at me because you’re blushing, or whatever your version of blushing is. Listen, I’m telling you to go for it. Pen looks at you like you’re offering her the universe in your hands to her whenever you two speak. You, Loverboy, have a thing for Miss Penelope Garcia, and she has one for you. You’re practically already married.”

“You’re just pulling my leg. We’re friends. Do I need to spell it out for you? Garcia and I aren’t going to be more than friends, because she doesn’t like me like that.”

“Oh, of course she doesn’t, and I’m straight.” Derek huffed as the two exited the BAU gym into the building’s open lobby.

Just by “fluke”, JJ and Penelope were walking down the opposite hallway towards them. It’s not like Emily had texted JJ to coordinate their arrivals into the lobby. That would be absurd.

Penelope’s eyes widened when she noticed Derek beside Emily. He was sweaty and tired from his workout, and yet Penelope couldn’t think of a time where he had looked better. She staggered her words in her side conversation with JJ, attempting to not sound overly flustered. JJ eventually spotted the two and waved them over, smiling brightly at her girlfriend. Morgan noticed the pink tinge in Garcia’s cheeks and simply decided that they were because of her lair’s frigidity.

JJ walked over to Emily and pulled her in for a chaste kiss, leaving Penelope and Morgan standing at odds with each other. Both had piling nerves for the night ahead of them, but those subsided quickly when they respectively remembered that it was no different to any other night spent between the two of them. It was just another night of hanging out.

Derek’s smile grew and he took the final step towards Penelope. He wraps his arms around her, just as he has and will do a thousand times. She fits perfectly in his hug. Penelope leans her head into Derek’s chest. She could feel his erratic heartbeat and chalked it up to his workout. He was still sweaty but Garcia didn’t mind. Rain or shine, sweaty or not, Derek’s arms were her home.

JJ and Emily faked a little disgust, letting out animated sounds to indicate the pair’s sappiness. Penelope chuckled and pulled back away from Derek just a little bit, their hug still mostly intact. She made the mistake of looking into his eyes, and him looking into hers. They got lost in them, too rapt with imagining their futures together. Neither Morgan nor Penelope had any sense of time as they reveled in the beauty of the other’s eyes. They finally pulled apart when JJ cleared her throat, smirking at Penelope’s flushed face.

“So, Baby girl, I’ll see you at 6:45? In like an hour and a half? How does that sound?” Derek shifted his eyes to the floor, diligently readjusting the strap of his workout bag against his shoulder.

“Perfect.” Penelope smiled at him, enough to melt his heart and make his brain foggy.

They departed after a quick cheek kiss, ignoring how it made them feel.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Penelope zipped around her apartment, a thousand things running through her head. She had her arms full of serums and other various products that she had forgotten to add to her cart. Garcia had decided to go sans makeup for this hangout and was ready to make Derek glow just like her.

She glanced over to the DVD player that sat in the corner of the room. It was properly hooked up and ready to go, her small collection of movies for the night beside it. After that, her eyes swiveled around her to check for anything else that was missing. Satisfied with her preparation, Penelope checked her watch.

6:44 PM. Derek should be here any second.

RINGGGG

The sound of the doorbell sent Penelope a few inches off the ground, a yelp escaping her lips. She made a dash for the door. Opening it only seconds after the bell, Penelope took in Derek on the other side of the doorway. He was wearing a white muscle tee and wearing the pajama pants that she had bought him a month ago. It had been their little secret after Penelope saw the pants that reminded her of Morgan, not being able to resist the urge to buy them.

“Hey, how’s my favorite girl in the world?” Derek held up their takeout and his movie selections for the night.

“Brilliant, as always. Come on in. Let’s get started!” Penelope wasted no time in dragging the man in.

“Well, you are glowing. I’m super excited.” Derek spied the cart on the side, eyes widening at the true extent of Penelope’s effort.

“Aww, you’re sweet. You’ll look like this too when I’m done with you! Your dry skin will be no more. Seriously though, you should moisturize it more.” Penelope’s words were fast enough for him to barely catch them but he simply watched her face instead.

She eagerly set the dinner to the side, ushering him to go and wash his face. Returning soon, they decided to get dinner out of the way before getting to the skincare and movies. Nearly 45 minutes later, Derek sat back in the chair that Garcia had gestured him to. The woman sat on her stool, pulling up her cart with various products for Derek’s routine.

“Okay, so like I said before, you have dry skin. Upbupbup, I know that you moisturize it, but baby the dryness shows. So, I have some special goodies here for you today. They’re gonna fix everything right up!” Morgan didn’t catch much of Penelope’s speech, too wrapped up in the way that her eyes glimmered under the incandescent lighting.

“I have this moisturizing serum here that is perfect for you, but first we’re doing sheet masks! I went to the store and I got the 24-carat gold one because they are the most perfect for us. So lay your head back, and let me roll this on you.”

Derek silently obeyed, letting the refreshing and cooling material rest softly against his face. He truly didn’t realize when the time had passed, because Penelope was taking it off 5 seconds later. From there, Penelope went on a long, detailed routine and product explanation that Derek barely understood a word of. He tried to explain that he did wash his face semi-regularly, but it didn’t hold up against Penelope’s regimented plan.

His face felt smooth and well taken care of when Penelope finally tapped him on the shoulder. Derek sat up slowly, letting his eyes droop open and find her. Her eyes were shining and her cheeks were flushed. One thing was for sure, Morgan liked the feeling of Penelope’s soft fingers brushing against his face to apply products.

They put away everything and sat down for the movie. It was a cheesy romantic comedy, just like the kind that Penelope watched when she wanted to clear her mind. The oblivious characters on screen were quite the spot-on comparison for Derek and Penelope. Their antics brought the two many laughs, while still melting their hearts with sappiness. Derek felt relaxed, more than his mind and soul, his heart was relaxed. Having Penelope so close as they enjoyed the movie was a perfect picture of domesticity. Morgan wanted it forever.

“I wish that we could do this together forever. You’re just so perfect for me.” Derek’s eyes stayed on the screen, not realizing he had said anything aloud.

Penelope, on the other hand, almost freaked out. All of her internal alarms went off, terrified that this was a prank. Was Derek serious? He couldn’t be. Penelope couldn’t let the information nag at her. She burst out her question moments later.

“Do you mean it? Do you want forever with me?” The words snapped Derek out of his trance.

He looked down at the woman and realized what had happened. There was no way to get out of this but through. Here goes nothing. He took a deep breath and prepared himself. This wasn’t something that he could mess up. Penelope was his everything, and she needed to know that.

“Yes, I do. Penelope Garcia, you are my saving grace. Every second I spend with you makes my heart palpitate and my thoughts go crazy. But at the same time, you are the only one that can get through to me when I want to shut the world out. You are my voice of reason. You are the reason I get up in the mornings. You are the one that I see beside me when I picture my life as a romcom. You are my god-given solace. I want forever with you, beautiful, and ever after, if that it’s okay with you.”

Derek had held his breath through the entire speech. It was something that he had rehearsed and imagined and dreamed of for years. However, the words that had come out of his mouth were not the ones that he had planned. Yet, it still felt right. He waited for Penelope’s answer, too scared to look at her again. The silence was momentary and unbearable.

“I want forever with you too. Derek Morgan you are it for me. I saw you all those years ago, and even then, I knew that you would someday mean everything to me. It’s you that got me through countless cases. It’s the thought of you that helps me sleep and wake up each morning. It’s you that helps me shine that much brighter on the world each day.”

The weight of the world had been lifted off of their shoulders. Happy tears flowed from each of their eyes. Penelope could think of nothing but to bring her hand up to Derek’s chin, gently tilting it down to press a gentle kiss against his lips.

That night turned out not to be just another night hanging out. Penelope and Morgan had found their soulmates, or rather, in the words of a wise Derek Morgan “god-given solace”.

[dreaminpeaches]

“Ladies, Gentlemen, Enbies...HER--I mean Him? Or them?-- whatever, anyways here's the first part of my daydream paracosm, Humble Pie. I was really happy I was able to come up with the first part in a somewhat cohort manner. Part 2 is also going to follow this sometime soon, but after that its probably just gonna be short shorts, text exchanges, and or drabbles, but that first part’s finally a thing! And that’s cool”

“Also just reminder that this paracosm is set in a mix timeline, like people have flip phones, cassette tapes, but still also have stuff like gamer chairs, and slang like sus/lit exist, so I hope that doesn’t bother you..oof”

“Also I wrote this from my Remarkable, then convert it to text, and did some proof reading, but my handwriting is still can only be read by chickens and my dyslexia ninja has sneak 100 accuracy so..yeah

Word count: 6,115

TW: mention of Bullying, DeadBeat dad, Smoking, Drinking, Swearing (only for comedy’s sake tho’), Dissociation, Guilt (but don’t worry there’s still A LOT of fluff in this piece, tho)

Link to Alternate version on my off-site daydream blog: Humble pie part 1

=================================================================

"Okay, here we go" Beau said, taking one last drag of his cigarette, and taking in one last look at the panoramic view of the town below, Newbury, his hometown, he was away for a year because of college which he dropped out of. Well, "dropout" made it seemed like he had a choice, more like he flunked out, there were' 'reasons that 'made college impossible for Beau, reasons that he couldn't get into or more like reasons he didn't want to get into, these were the some reasons that turned what was suppose to be a 5 hour drive into an 8 hour one, making him stop ever so often to the nearest park, overlook, or clearing to get out, smoke and or take a short walk. These stops were so frequent by the time he reached his hometown’s overlook he was on his last stick, hard to believe he started the trip w/ a full box.

He dropped the last of the remains of the cig on the ground and stomped out the glow ember with his dark brown rounded toed boot, watching the embers glow go out made him feel similar in a way.

Beau took one more last look at the small town below blanketed by the dark, light sky. He looked around. the overlook, bring back memories of. late night make outs, sneak outs and general teenaged shenanigans.

Beau remembers once on a night he was really buzzed, a rare event for him, drinking with his buddies, rather it was the buzz from the beer, or he was just 'riding the 'high off scoring the winning goal for the team, or general teen hormones. He felt invincible, so invincible he stood up on the ledge and proclaimed himself as king of the world

A moment Beau looks back at and shakes his head as if to try to erase the memory from his mind like an etch n’ sketch, suddenly he got a bad taste in his mouth or maybe that's just the cigarettes "King of world….yeah, right" Beau said pulling up the collar of his jacket and shrugging his hands into his pockets, and headed back into the car.

It was getting late and there was no use in stalling any longer, might as well continue to the inevitable. Stalling may be that’s the feeling that's been following him the whole time, stalling the fact that he would have to return to his hometown a failure after being touted and praised for being a star athlete , and getting into a ivy league school, a feat his mom was really proud since she herself couldn't go to college because of having Beau at such a young age, and having to deal with a bunch of other “BS” as Beau would put it.

Beau really wanted to make her proud by becoming a famous football player and make tons of money so she wouldn't ever have to worry about bills n 'stuff and live in the malibu dream house she dreamed of living in since she was a kid, a dream she would talk about to her children like it was fairytale during when time got real tough.Even though she sounded upbeat over the phone about the news, Beau knew his mom was an expert when it came to masking her disappointment and skill that was pretty integral with dealing Beau's birth father. He just hopes she's not too disappointed

As the twilight sky grew more dark the street lights flickered on. Familiar and nostalgic landmarks and structures rolled by as Beau drove by with one hand gripping the wheel while the other hand hung casually out of the rolled down window. the nighttime breeze gentle, tossing his cart dirty blond hair mullet. The 'murmur of punk music lighty playing from the car's speaker, that was playing louder earlier but the volume's quickly depleted because blasting punk 'music at night in a small town is pretty serious offensive a risk, a younger Beau would play around with, but now being older he knows better.

Driving into his old neighborhood, seemingly not much has changed, but what do you expect from a small town? The old neighborhood consisted of typical signatures of most middle upper class .. neighborhoods, Christmas ' decorations long over due to be taken down, manicured lawns, next to slightly less manicured lawns. Some lawns adored w/ gnomes and flamingos, a step up from the lawns of homes in his childhood neighborhood whose homes had what one could consider a lawn but just barely, Beau and his brother were lucky enough to have a sizable back yard and a tree house.

His family's lawn had a bunch of outdoor toys laid about on their lawn: a nerf gun, a pink tricycle, a tiled dyed color bouncy ball and an empty container of mega bubble wand. Beau drove up in the driveway being careful to not accidentally run over any of the toys in the yard.

He eject the mixtape from the player and put it into his jacket chest pocket. Beau leaned over and rummaged through the glove compartment fishing out a small travel can of axe's body spray and another small spray can of mouthwash, he used both to cover the scent of cigarette smoke, a smell his mother was highly sensitive to. He popped in a stick of spearmint for extra measure before getting out of the car and going to the trunk to retrieve his suitcase. Beau only had one suitcase since all the stuff really needed and cared about conveniently fitted in one suitcase.

Beau propped up his suitcase as he closed the trunk, the car beeped and blinked as he pressed the lock button. He headed up the pathway to the front door, his heart beating louder and louder with each step leading up to the front door.

Beau took a deep breath, Pulling himself together. "Okay" He said under his breath as his hand slowly reach for the knob but before he could even get a good grip, the door swung open, Beau's eyes raced up to see the thinning hair of a middle aged man, Beau eyes lowered a bit more to see the mustached clad face of the man the hair belonged to. "Hey, Big Boss! '' the mustache man said with a grin. The man was Beau's stepfather, David.

"Hello, David, I-I mean Dad." Beau awkwardly greeted his stepdad, trying his best not to show discomfort at his step dad's “nickname" for him.

"Ha, ha that's okay, son!”David laughed, giving Beau a hefty pat on the back.

"Here, let me get your bags." David said, reaching for Beau's suitcase, looking behind Beau expecting more bags

“You only brought one bag?" he questioned, looking curiously.

'--I like to be efficient" Beau muttered with a shrug and a side glance. "HAHA you and me both, Big B" David chuckled playful elbowing Beau, who gave a half-smile and a small chuckle--well, more like a slight nose huff

"Hey, honey Big B is home!" David shouted as Beau closed the front door.

His mother came rushing from the bedroom in her rose pink robe w/a barbie in insignia on the front with matching fuzzy slippers, her sandy blond hair still damp from the shower.

"My little boy, oh!" she said, warping Beau in a tight motherly embrace. "Welcome home!" Beau's mother pulled back for a second, cupping her son's face in her hands “you’re still so handsome"

"Wait..." Beau gently removed his mom's hands from his face "Are you okay, mom?" He asked his considerate brown eyes searching his mother's teal eyes for any sign of distress.

"Of course, sweetie," his mom beamed. "I have all of my loved ones under one roof. What's more to ask?"

it's just that I didn't- Y-you know." Beau said with downcast eyes

"Oh, that" his mom said wide eyes and then shaking her head in dismissed

"Don't worry about not finishing college, I mean just look at me"

“But You just seemed so proud that I got in, I just didn't want to let you down"

“Sweetie, it's fine," his mom said, gently guiding his head up with her hand to look at him "I was not proud that-You were becoming the smart, sweet kind young man, I always knew you were, but now. I'm just happy that you’re here and I get to see you go. on the journey myself!" Beau chuckled tightly and blushed at his mom's admiration.

"Plus, Your mom's not the only one who is happy to have You home!” David said, gesturing towards the hallway. Beau looked to see a small figure peeking from the corner, the figure quickly disappeared followed by an overflow of giggles.

A smile slowly creeped across Beau's face, he slowly kneeled down. " "Gasp * Is that my little care bear?"

From the shadows totted out, a little girl dressed in a blue care bear patterned nightgown, her blonde hair tied up in pigtails, she grasped a love-a-lot bear in one arm while her other arm was open as she raced towards Beau, also with arms wide open for a hug "Bo-Bo"

"Hey, care bear!" Beau cooed as he picked up his little sister "Wow, You've gotten so big since the last time I saw you!

"Carrie's been asking when you were coming since you told us you were coming home "David stated

"Really?"

"Yep!'' Carrie nodded proudly "You still have the love-a lot bear I won at grad night". Beau vividly remembers winning Love A Lot and his friends making fun of him, but Carrie really appreciated it more than he thought.

"Yeah, she takes it with her everywhere!" mom emphasized “Thank god, the kindergarten has a security blanket policy!

"Aww..." Beau said fondly looking at Carrie, who had her head resting on his shoulder, still grasping love a lot.

Beau thought for a moment and looked around "wait, where Dev?"

"Oh" mom said putting her hand on her head with a semi sigh "He's been going through... things"

"Teenager things: David specified "He's the big one three now.. "

“Don't worry, I can talk to him!”Beau said, confidently, slowly nodding his head

. Carrie lets out a small yawn "Aw, you sleepy, care bear?" Beau asked as Carrie rubbed her eyes

"It's past her bedtime, but she really wanted to see you," Mom said, stroking Carrie's hair. "Is someone ready for the sleep shuttle'?" Beau asked Carrie, looking at her in her sleepy hazel eyes, she nodded in response

"Alright, Here we go!" Beau held Carrie in both hands placing his arms out in front of him, he kneeled down and started counting down. "3…..2...1. Blast off!"

Beau shot Carrie in the as he stood back up. As he moved towards Carrie's bedroom, he moved all around side to side, up and down while making spaceship sounds, Carrie was giggling all the way through.

"Incoming! "Beau shouted as he swooshed Carrie round a few more times before landing her swiftly on the bed.

"Huston, the eagle. has landed!." Beau said, holding his ear as if he had an earpiece "Not eagle! Bear!" Carrie stated holding up her care bear "correction, the "BEAR" has landed!" Beau correcting himself, bringing a huge smile to her face as she nuzzled her care bear

"Okay, night, right, care bear" Beau said patting carries head

"Wait!" Carrie said holding on to her brother's arm "Is Bo-Bo still gonna be here in the Morning?""Of course, I'm not going anywhere at least for a while.." "Beau said, kneeling down to Carrie's eye level.

"Okay, I like having Bo-Bo around:'' Carrie said "and I like being around" Beau said, "see you in the morning, care bear" Beau gives Carrie a good night kiss on the forehead.

She settles into bed as Beau closes the door. Beau grinned to himself, feeling lucky to have such a cute sister. He remembers when Devin was that little, speaking of Dev. Beau apphoraced Dev's bedroom door. The door was caution tape, Don't enter signs, with a please knock before entering sign.

At first Beau did think about knocking but then thought "I could be a respectful older brother respect the sign or I could have fun and be a little shit. He pondered about it for a minute then-"yeah, I'm gonna be a little shit.”

Beau took a card out his wallet and wedged it in between the door to jimmied the lock. He peeked through the door to see Dev playing a video game on the tv. "you little..." Beau said under his breath, before bombastically opening the door "Hey there, squirt!" Beau said, shoving the door open

"Didn't you read the sign?!" Dev said as he turned around in his gamer chair in both shock-and annoyance

"Wow, that's a pretty warm welcome to give your older brother you haven't seen in a year!" Beau snarked, pretending to look hurt'' "Nice to see you too!"

"Oh my god!" Dev said, rolling his eyes and turning his chair back to tv, bringing his attention back to the game.

"and here I thought you were working on a project or homework or some school shit!" Beau continued "but no, you're just sitting here playing one of your little nerd games"

"Oh my god, can't you just leave!" Dev groaned as he hunching closer to the tv.

"You couldn't at least say "Hi" " Beau said now standing right behind Dev gamer chair

Dev raised and waved his hand half-heartedly and flatly said "hi"

"Well, damn I feel loved," Beau said sarcastically. "aren't you at least gonna look at me?" shaking the gaming chair a bit to gain an ounce of his little brother’s attention.

“ I saw you "Kool aid man" into my room. Is that enough?" Dev said still focusing on the game Beau sighed, then got an idea "Dev! Dev! I think there's something wrong with my heart I think I gonna-ugh!" He said staggering forward a bit before falling in Dev's lap, knocking out the game controller out of Dev's hands.

"Come on! I was in the middle of battle!" Dev whined looking at his brother playing dead

"Get off of me!" Dev go armed as he tried to push beau off with no luck

"Come on, Beau!" He gored in frustration “I know you're not dead! I can still feel your heartbeat..."

Get up!" Beau remained still, Dev rolled his eyes; he knew the exact words to get his brother off his back or in this case lap.

"Big brother, can you please get off of me n Dev utter begrudgingly "Aw, you haven't call me ‘Big brother’ in years" Beau chimed with a smile, finally getting up "I'm still kind of hurt, that you cared about your gaming progress than the well being for your one and only big brother"

"You were still breathing, I could literally see you inhaling and exhaling." Dev clarified rubbing his forehead

"Touche, I guess" Beau said he then directed Dev's chair in front his bed," now that I have your attention"

"Okay, I guess I should say sorry since you couldn't and say "hi" to me because you were too busy saving some elf princess, or some anime chick with huge melons"

"I-H-Hey I don't even play those types of games!" Dev argued blushing

" .-sure you "don't'." Beau taunted with a wink, Dev goanned "Anyways, Anyways you don't have to say "hi",; but you could at least not talk to me"

Beau suggested, shrugging. "I guess" Dev mumbled kind of sinking into his chair "cool, so how's life?" Beau started, trying to start a diagoul "okay"

"How's school?"

"Okay"

"How’re your friends?"

"Okay"

"Got a girlfriend?"'

"NO”

"Got a boyfriend?"

N-NO"

"Got any crushes"

“….NO…..."

"joined any clubs or any other after school junk?"

" ..... NO..."

"Are you just gonna answer all my questions in one word?"

Dev fell quiet, and shifted his gaze from his brother

“Okay, that's it!" Beau huffed, he picked up Dev and hoasted him over his shoulder "Hey! put me down!" Dev-shouted , beating his fists on Beau's back "Not until you talk to me like an actual person, and one worded answers aren't gonna cut it, squirt!"

"MOM! Dad!"

"Mom and Dav-Dad are fast asleep, and you know they both sleep like rocks!" Beau stated'' the only person you'll wake up is Carrie, and You don't want to wake little care bear, now do YOU?"

Dev fell Quiet again, "You know I can hold you like this for hours, you aren't really that heavy, or you can just end this and talk to me" Beau suggested ending the suggestion with a sigh and started to stomp his foot impatiently..

Dev continued the silent treatment for a bit until letting out a meek "Okay...I'll try" .

Hey, three words, that's a start!" Beau cheekly commented,He sat Dev back down in his green gamer chair.

"Okay, do over!" Beau said casually sitting across from Dev and his bed. "so, how's school going?" "F-fine” Beau gave Dev a intense look, reminding Dev of his word count “N-no, I mean it's just weird" Dev stuttered choosing his words carefully, Dev fiddled with his hoodie sleeves.

"and it's weird because..." Beau initiated, gesturing his hand toward encouraging Dev to continue "It's weird because.... I don't know, Middle school is way different than 'elementary school, I mean I knew that from tv, but middle school isn't like tv."

"It's okay, nothing like tv, that thing lies” Beau softly chuckled to himself and continued “I remember thinking Pogo sticks were the SHIT-cuz 'of people and cartoons on tv made it look so easy"

"I finally got enough money for one-- you were like little you probably don’t remember this-- but I was SO HYPED, I wanted mom to watch me. I took one hop, fell on my ass, and never hopped on that bitch again. I was pissed, I think mom was trying to her best not to laugh but I was so pissed I think I didn’t notice until now. I chucked the pogo stick in the garage, and I never looked at that bitch again”

Dev let out a stiff laugh, the defensive wall Dev put was slowly breaking

"Oh WAIT WAIT!” Beau said taking a moment to correct himself “ That WASN’T the last time the last time I looked that bitch, I fished it out of garage years later, only cuz’ I need some money for Madden. So, I did look at that bitch one more time, but only to sell that bitch.”

Dev let out a more audible laugh, but quickly caught himself and recollected, returned to his disillusioned teenage state.

"Anyway, The teacher's are kind of weird, like a lot of them hate my guts already, except for the coaches who are super nice to me." Dev explained, kind of looking away from his brother

"Weird, why do you think that is?" Beau asked whole hearty

"Because I'm related to you, Numb skull!" Dev blunted , groaning putting his hand on his forehead

"Oh damn, I guess that's my fault." Beau realized, rubbing the back of his neck "My bad. that my awesomeness is just lengardy"

Dev shook his head and rolled his eyes "It's not awesome to live in YOUR shadow!" Dev sulked, sinking back into his chair, his hands covering his face.

"You don't have to follow in my awesomeness, I know I'm a hard act to follow." Beau boasted teastingly so"You just gotta make your own awesomeness."

"What does that even mean?" Dev questioned, moving his hands down, allowing his eyes to peek through his fingers, trying not to given the urge to roll his eyes

"It's like my awesomeness comes from my boyish charm and good looks..." Beau claimed, striking an award winning smile, The urge not to roll his eyes was becoming even hard for Dev, but he still had to try and respect Beau "But your awesomeness could come from being good at games, or computers shit or math or robots or something--I don't know something real nerdy"

"I guess, you're right" Dev mumbled and shrugged,lifting himself up back into a sitting position rather than almost spilling out of his chair.

"Its not a guess, its science!" Beau declared proudly, tapping his temple with his index finger

"No,that's not science!" Dev arguing his brother's stupidity, flatly shaking his head in disagreement

"See, there you go using your nerd awesomeness" Beau pointed out with a wink "Keep that up and you'll go from Beau's lil bro, to just ‘Dev’ in no time." Beau playful tousled Devs mop dirty blonde hair

"I mean.." Dev continued batting his brother's hand away, "I was also thinking of joining the video game club or the robotics club at school."

"There you go another nerdy thing that to add to your own awesomeness" Beau said

"Yeah...." Dev continued ignoring his brother's comment' “Some of my friends are thinking about joining, and it would be a nice place to go away from mom and dad."

"I had sick memories of hanging out with the team, we got into some wild shit." Beau said laughing to himself, fondly reminiscing "But I'm sure you and you geek squad could have "wild" times too, like making an anime robot 'weify." or whatever those called or finding a new math formula or something"

Dev fell quiet for another moment, Beau always seems like he’s in between being supportive and subtly roasting him, Dev then uttered "um... I think I kind of have a crush... on a girl..."

"AYE, let's go! "Beau exclaimed, clapping and shaking Dev's chair for a bit before bouncing back on the bed'' Come on, don't leave me hanging, what's her name? "Have you talked to her vet? Have you asked her out? Have-"

"Calm down!" Dev demanded "I said I had a crush, I didn't say we’re going out.'"

"Oh, so you haven’t talked to her, huh?”

"No, I-I don't even know her name" Dev huffed, he let his arms slip into his oversize sleeves and covered his sleeves with his face in frustration.

"You know you could just ask, not the chick, like just ask around"

"I can't do that because if I do, people will find out I like her and if she finds out, I would just have to stop going to school!”

"Okay, let’s just pretend you DO have the balls to talk to this girl, what's the worst that could happen?" Beau suggested

"She finds out that I like her, thinks I'm weird and never wants to talk to me again or even look at me!” Dev muffled through his sleeved covered face

"You really think she can sus that out all in one go!" Beau said "I mean she is a middle Schooler unless she's like a young nancy drew, she is not going to chew you up and spit out like that." Beau explained "speaking of which''

Beau paused for a moment to spit out his gum into the trash can "Score!"

"Anyways, have you done anything weird to her or around her?"

"No, I mean I look at her in the hallways before and in between class, but I don't like-- stalk her or anything too weird." Dev mumbled, moving his sleeves from his face, but his head was still targeted down at his fingers fiddling with a tag on his black shorts

"So, then what's the fear?" Beau inquired, resting his chin on the heel of his palm

Dev thought for a moment, his eyes shifting looking for an answer." I-I guess I just don't know how to talk to her."

"Well, fuck, that's easy" Beau chuckled “Just talk about school shit, or just say "hi"

"Is it really that easy?"

"Yeah, if you have the balls for it" Beau reiterated "Think about it like this, the dudes you play in your little nerd games have to fight a dragon, a demon or some anime witch with huge melons to talk to the girl they like and they er brave enough to do all of that wacky shit. But you’re lucky, you don't have a dragon for real in your way to keep you talking from your crush. The dragon's just in your head! If those hero dudes can fight dragons they actually can see, doesn't that mean you can fight a dragon you don't even see."

"That was a really lame and kind of confusing metaphor" Dev sassed " But I guess understand what your trying to say"

"Exactly" Beau said nodding confidentiality

"Can we talk about mom and dad?" Dev asked sheepishly, looking up at his brother, (well as much as he could with his shaggy bangs in the way), his fingers now toying with his hoodie strings

"Did something happen?"

"No, I mean yeah, I mean it's just weird" Dev said "Mom and dad are starting to get more annoying but I don't know if they were always like that or they like charged"

"No, parents don't really change-usually” Beau explained “It's just that being a teenager makes you hypersensitive to a bunch of shit and makes you wanna be alone more. Parents, the good ones like spending time with their kids and they actually want quality time n' shit and that's where they start to get annoying".

“"Oh okay,” Dev nodded.'' It's just weird because sometimes I feel like I hate them, but I don't want to. I think I just really want to be alone more like you said but I don't want to shut them out, I just want them to get that." Dev-fiddles with the strings of his green hoodie

"Yeah, I think they do in a weird old people kind of way. Believe it or not they were teenagers to even if that was back in the stone age n' shit" Beau joke"

Dev let out an actual laugh, a sign to Beau that he's little bro was being less of a moody teenager

"Anyway, even with that said mom and david-I mean dad aren't mind readers, it would be cool if you give them a heads up, you don't have to tell them all about what's going on in your little teen nerd brain but at least something simple like something weird or funny that happened at school, or asking for help on homework or a project for class or some shit like that, I'm pretty sure Dav-dad would love that.."

"I guess I could try". Dev said slightly nodding his head "But Carrie is kind of weird too!

"How can Carrie be weird, she's 5.” Beau scoffed "she doesn't do anything weird really"

Dev added" it's just sometimes she's regular cute and other times she's annoyingly cute if that makes sense"

"I mean like kind of get what you're saying but "Beau shrugged gesturing his hand toward prompting Dev to continue

"Like I still look out for her because she little, but because she's little that means I have to do dumb stuff like look for monsters under her bed or do that sleep shuttle thing you do, but I can't really do it because my arms give out halfway through and she's heavier than she looks."

"Well, little brothers and sisters are annoying, it's kind of their job, trust me I know from experience" Beau: put his hand on Dev's knee, Dev tried to Swat at it but Beau quickly put his hand back with a smirk.

"But like with mom and da-David just cuz she's annoying doesn't mean You can’t look out for her n stuff"

"I guess, its because lately, it seems like'' Dev paused 'for a beat, his hands hard gripping the strings of his hoodie, before continuing" I don't know mom and dad have been paying more attention to her than me"

A mischievous smile creeps across his face. "AW does someone miss being the baby?"'

"Oh, fuck! I knew you 'er gonna say that!" Dev blurted out, feeling really exposed, he pulled his hoodie strings allowing his head to be consumed by his hoodie, all but his nose.

"Hey! language,” Beau said, surprised at his little brother's reaction those harsh words coming out of the mouth of small boy sporting a Yoshi hoodie

"You cuss' all the time!" Dev huffed pulling his hoodie back down, then crossing his arm definitely

"Yeah, but I'm older than you, and if mom and David--DAD hear you curse they’er gonna know you got it from me and won't get off my ass about it!"

Dev stared at his brother, simmering in frustration in failing to coming up w/a good come back or a flaw in his brother's logic, He let out a heavy sigh and resumed "Anyways, it's NOT like I miss being the baby, I just miss being able to hold their attention without Carrie coming in and stealing them anyway, I don't know its weird"

"Wait, did you just say that you wanted to be alone and away from mom and David-fuck. I'm not even gonna try more-he's asleep anyways." giving up any attempt to make the word "Dad" same with the name "David"

"Yeah, I know that's what makes it weird!" Dev admitted, he sulked back deeper into his chair and let out a groan.

"You know Carrie's not awake all the time, maybe you can talk to mom and David, when she goes down for her nap, hell, I could just take her to the park for a day." Beau offered

"You'd really do that for me?" Dev peeped, quickly lifting himself up in a sitting position, surprised at his brother kind offer

"Yeah, anything to make you less of a weird angsty shut in, with a bunch of cringy keep out signs and keep out tape!" Beau gestured towards the door

"Actually, I got that caution tape from a real crime scene" Dev clarified, with a smug smile

"Really?" Beau taking a longer closer look at the door

"No, thick head, I found it in a dumpster next to party city!"

"You go dumpster diving?" Beau said, raising an eyebrow

"I have a life outside of YOU!" Dev stated proudly

"Okay, and on that... Weird garbage goblin flex, sibling bonding time is over." Beau said getting up from the bed and heading for the door

"Actually, one more thing..." Beau said quickly, turning around, rushing towards Dev, putting him into a headlock.

"Did ya miss me? Come on, tell me that you missed me!" Beau taunted as he gave his brother a long and through noogie "Ouch, Ow, Ow, Okay, okay, I missed You. Geez:" Dev pleaded trying to struggle out of his brother's grip

"That's what I wanted to hear!" Beau said with a smirk, letting 'Dev go.

"Ugh! my hair" Dev fumed , gawking at his even more messy mop of hair.

"Like you care about appearances" Beau chuckled" mop top nerd!"

"Mullet-hair metal meathead!"

"Ouch, that was pretty good" Beau teased pretending to look hurt "Garbage Goblin"

"You already-"Dev started but was cut off by Beau closing the door

"Too late, the door is closed, I can't hear you, which means I win!" Beau said through the door, laughing at his brother's muffled fury of frustration.

Beau grinned relishing in the absolute confusion of his younger brother, but that good vibe quickly faded once he arrived at the door to his old bedroom. He just stood there and stared at the door for a bit, he could feel the icky stew of the emotions from bubbling back up again.

He flexed his hand a few times as if this was the first time he's ever pored a door, Beau's hand reached for the door handle before retracted as if the knob was red hot.

Beau sheepishly looked around as if somebody was watching him, no one was but it sure did feel like it. He considered sleeping on the couch, but that would be weird, since it seemed like his step dad put his luggage in his room. so, eventually he would have to go into his room anyway.

Beau took a deep breath. "Come on, it's just a door, dude!" He told himself Beau's hand rested on the door knob, he took another deep, his hand gained a stronger grip, and he slowly pushed the door open, Beau carefully entered the room as he closed the door behind him. Looking around the room was plaster with posters of football players and a few pinups of doe-eye, sensual women in swimsuits and other scantily clad outfits.

Athletic medals, trophies and awards displayed proudly on his bookshelf that lacked any actual books, those trophies stood next to pictures of Beau with his teammates, all illuminated by the moon's dull pale blue light. These relics of what felt like a bygone era used to fill Beau with so much pride and joy but looking at them now just leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

He could barely even recognize himself in those photos. This whole room felt like a shrine or more like a tomb to someone who no longer exists.

Looking at all this stuff just made the icky feelings from before rise up to the back of his throat making the bad taste linger even longer.

Beau couldn't really pin what-these feelings were, so he shifted his focus on just getting some sleep

As he thought, Beau's step dad put his luggage on his bed. He opened his bag and quickly changed into a white tank top and some grey sweatpants. He fished out the mix tape from his jean jacket and put into the gray clucky music player on his nightstand. Beau turns the music up loud enough for him to hear but not loud enough for disturb anyone else. Heavy metal music (ironally) helped him sleep on hard nights.

Beau laid in bed focusing on the one spot in his room that wasn't decorated with high school memorabilia. Focusing on that spot was way better than focusing on the icky feelings from earlier. All he needed to was focus on sleep just sleep, Beau closed his eyes and tried to focus on just sleep.

The next time Beau opened his eyes, he was back in the hallway of his highschool. Beau looked around confused why he was back here but before he could really sus out the situation, his thoughts were interrupted by a loud thud. He followed the sound of the thud that led to a scene of a bespectacled student being shoved up against the lockers. The student's face contorted by fear.

"P-please, d-don't hurt me. "the student uttered, the words quivering as it left his lips.

"Aww, look at him, guys." a familiar voice said, Beau couldn't see whom the voice belonged to. There was a strange mist in the hallway that obscured the person's face.-

"He's scared." the voice said mockly, the person nodded towards a group of people whose faces were also obscured by the mist, they laughed in response

“Don't worry, little buddy, I'm not gonna hurt ya:" the person taunted as he tightened his grip on the student and shoved his body up against the failing student. "As long as you don't squeal" .

"You squeal, and I'll fry you like the pig you are, got it. Swine?"

"I-I p-promise I W-won't. J-just please let me go!" the student begged

Beau was disturbed by scene happening before him, but along with the feel of disgust came a feeling of familiarity, like he's been there before

Just then the fog lift to reveal the face of a younger version of Beau dawned in his red “New Burny High school” letterman jacket. He was smirking relish in the fear he was inflicting on the poor student.

Older Beau slowly back up, almost stumbling as he was coming to the realization of the origin of all those icky feelings from before

"I don't know, do we trust him, guys?" Younger beau asked cocking his head back to his teammates, who shook their head in disagreement "The Boys and I don't seem very sure of that, I think I'm gonna have to test your loyalty !" Younger Beau winded up his arm for a punch, But before his fist could make an impact.

Beau found himself back in his room in a cold sweat, hyperventilating as quickly rose from his bed. His room, still illuminated by the moonlight, with the metal mix tape softly playing in the background. He looked at his hand as if they were lethal weapons. How could I do such a thing?

[theonetheycallhannah]

The Treatment of Captain Syverson-Chapter 19: Debridement

Characters: Captain Logan “Sy” Syverson, Shane Benton (OFC), various other original supporting/secondary characters

Summary: Shane begins to process life after her trauma, and Sy delivers the news of her safety to the people that matter most to her…but there is pushback on a few aspects of his report.

Romance and Smut Abound HERE!

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: Mostly fluff, but with mention of Shane’s trauma in the cellar. Not graphic. 

Author’s Note: My darling readers! Thank you so much for your patience as I deal with seasonal stress, fatigue, anxiety, and some depression. It was my goal to have all chapters of this story done by the end of this year. I don’t think I’ll accomplish it, but I’ll do my very best to get at least one more chapter up by the 31st. 2020 has been a totally shit year, but I will forever owe it some remarkable things. This story, which has been an amazing escape from real life, the friends I’ve made from all over my country and the world, many of them because of this story, and a long overdue shift in my work hours starting next week. I’ll be glad to see the back of it, but the year has really opened me up to new ideas and some major soul-searching. I think, mentally, I’m actually more myself than I’ve ever been, despite some blue times. You can all take some credit for that improvement, because many of my moments of clarity have arisen from brilliant and profound posts here.

The title of this chapter seemed appropriate for a few reasons. Wounds are cleaned and cleared of damaged tissue during debridement. This is one of the steps usually required for a large and/or traumatic wound to heal. We see Shane beginning this process here in this chapter, and in a sense, Sy, as well. The cleansing of Shane in both the literal and figurative sense was so interesting and satisfying to write. And Sy’s bit at the end was a fun puzzle in which I had to figure out how to have Sy give the same news to four different recipients without sounding repetitive. I hope that landed, and if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism. This is an original work by me, Hannah. Please reblog if you wish to share. Please do not repost either in whole or part, as the work of anyone but myself. Thanks so much for reading!

Tags:

@onlyhenrys @cavillryarchive​ @summersong69​ @titty-teetee​ @bloodyinspiredfuck​ @agniavateira@oddsnendsfanfics​ @omgkatinka​ @thisismysecretthirstblog​ @speakerforthedead0​ @tumblnewby  @suavechops​ @radkesgirl83​ @wheretheriversrunintothesea​ @heartfelt-pen​ @auds24  @geekycanuck @lunarstarknight​ @wilma-g  @coldmuffinbanditshoe @feralrunaway​  @sugarpenchant​ @bichibibi @mzchievous-blog @shesakillerkween @madbadidc7ed @foodieforthoughts @toomanyfandomsshreya

If you want to be notified when I post a new chapter or work, I’ll be happy to add you to my tag list! Stricken blogs are getting personal messages from me when a new chapter is uploaded because Tumblr’s faulty tagging system will not stand in the way of me delivering what the people want!(?) lol! (Although…their lackadaisical notification system might…sorry for that. I have no control. lol!)

X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@

Shane still felt as if her head was floating above her body, like a balloon on a long string. The combination of meds in her system had helped many of her symptoms. The pain she felt, the physical pain, had been alleviated. Her troubled mind had been put at ease, more or less. But that was a long time ago. And unfortunately, the side effects weren't wearing off at the rapid rate of the intended ones.

As she sat in the SUV--the escape vehicle-- parked outside a large building the size of a small airplane hangar, she tried not to think about what Sy and his pals were discussing just outside the vehicle. She tried not to reflect on the past few days that she had convinced herself would be her last. She tried not to think about what -- or, really, who -- was inside that building.

She thought about seeing Elliott again. The man who had planned to kill her, and almost succeeded. A part of her wished he had, because she wasn't sure she knew who she was anymore. She was a stranger to herself. And living like this seemed so much more difficult than a quick painless death. She couldn't bear the thought of being in view of him.

But another part of her wanted to go in there and end his life herself. That part of her could pull the trigger on a gun aimed at his head. That part of her could bury a knife in his kidney, or sever an artery. Her anatomy and physiology courses could serve her well here. She had dangerous knowledge. Maybe that's why doctors often seem so full of themselves. They possess the knowledge to end life, and yet they choose to save it. It sort of puts things into perspective. Maybe they're justified in their hubris.

Still one more part simply wanted to go home, clean up, and lay naked in her soft sheets with Sy wrapped around her. Warmer and more comforting than any blanket had ever been. She had remembered missing him so much. She thought now about his gentle, loving hands on her, his mouth tasting her so delicately, his…

But then her mind was ripped from the sensual thoughts of Sy and back to her horrific memories from that cellar. The hands of strangers, rough and hateful, their mouths full of words like bile or the grunts of their own violent fulfillment.

Her nightmare of a daydream was abruptly interrupted by the opening of the back passenger door. She jumped, and looked at the source of the noise with wide-eyed terror. It was only Sy, but she couldn't school her face into a softer expression, even after realizing she was safe.

"Oh, Sunshine, I'm so sorry I startled ya! You okay?"

She said nothing, just let out her held breath woefully.

"Let's head home. I'll get your purse and bag of clothes here."

"I don't want those clothes. Throw them away. And these shoes are going in the trash as soon as possible, too."

"Okay. I'll toss it. You sure?"

"I never want to see that bag again. I'm positive."

He nodded, grabbed her purse, and went around to help her out of the vehicle.

One of Sy's friends approached them from the building.

"You guys okay? You'll make it home alright?"

"Yeah, Matt, we'll be okay. I'll be in touch soon about next steps."

"You got it, Captain. Anything you need, let us know."

"Will do. Thanks for everything you've already done. I owe ya."

"You don't owe me a thing, brother. You don't owe any of us. Not after everything you've done for all of us…for everyone."

Sy just nodded at Matt, and turned toward his truck, steadying Shane all the way to the passenger door.

The drive to Shane's house was quiet. Sy kept one hand on the wheel, holding hers in the other. She felt safe, but she couldn't shake the uneasy feeling inside her. Like the other shoe would soon drop, and her love would be taken away again.

When they were safely parked in her driveway, Sy took her keys out of his pocket, apparently having gotten them from his friend who'd drove her car from Elliott's to the airplane hangar place. He walked around to get her, and helped her to her door. She kicked off her shoes immediately when she stepped inside her shadowy living room. She had left the same lamp on that she always did, but it was dimmer now, having been on almost a whole week.

"Bath?" Sy asked. Shane nodded slowly. She would need a long soak to erase this feeling.

Sy got the bath water ready while she found some clothes to put on after. She laid her comfiest lounge pants and her favorite sweat shirt on the bed and walked toward the bathroom. She was soon hit with the comforting aroma of lavender, chamomile, and vanilla as soon as she stepped through the doorway. He had used her favorite bubble bath and salts.

"Check that water temp. I think it's about right." he requested. It was perfect. She started to peel off the stiff paper scrubs she was still wearing, but he insisted on helping her. As she stood before him, even though he'd seen every inch of her body before, she felt more naked and exposed than ever. She looked at him, noticed tears welling in his eyes, and dropped her gaze to the bath mat under her feet. Her skin, typically immaculately clear, olive perfection, was now peppered with dozens of bruises. She felt like a dalmatian, covered in spots. She chuckled inside herself at the thought of one of her favorite Disney films featuring the breed most heavily.

Sy's strong, but gentle hands landed softly on her upper arms. His lips lit tenderly on her forehead. "Ready?" he asked. She nodded and stepped into the large, garden tub full of steaming water. It stung her feet, ankles, and calves, but she still bent to sit, wincing as her tender petals and behind met the medicinal broth. Sy held her hand as she stepped in and guided her down. She closed her eyes at the soothing pain of the hot water and did not open them until she felt the water level rise. Sy had stepped in with her, wearing just his boxer-briefs, and was sitting on the side of the tub. He reached for the hand shower, and turned the water back on, slightly less warm, but still soothing and soaked her hair, directing the water away from her face. He had thought to grab her shampoo from the shower, as well, and was lathering some up in his hands to apply to her wet strands. It felt like heaven to have his fingers in her hair like this. Relaxing and soporific. He kept at it until she was certain he must be getting pruney, not to mention tired.

After carefully rinsing her hair of the coconut-scented lather, he grabbed the lavender foam bath she loved, and worked it up in one of the wash cloths he'd brought from the linen caddy between the sink and shower. He massaged the suds into her tired and injured skin over her back, then requested each leg in turn, kneading her calves and feet as she took another of the cloths and washed her face with the rich cleanser she kept by the bath, typically using it only on her "spa days" but feeling that it would nourish her battered cheeks and nose better than anything else. Sy's ministrations filled her with a kind of blissful contentment. She couldn't help but wonder if she deserved him. She always had thought she deserved the best things in life, even though her romantic past didn't tend to pan out that way. She'd worked very hard and often allowed herself to invest in quality. But now…she felt broken, in spite of herself. She'd have to tell Sy all that happened to her one day, and when that day came, he'd probably realize how damaged she really was, and he'd leave. Just like everyone else always did. She knew the conversation needed to come sooner rather than later, but couldn't bring herself to break the spell yet.

Sy let her soak for as long as she was comfortable until the water grew tepid. She looked up to him, sitting on the side of the tub, legs now outside, his gaze like twin seas met hers. He had been watching her, it seemed. As if worried that she would dematerialize if he looked away. Her bath robe was draped across his lap, as was a large bath towel. She moved to stand from the now chilled bath water, and Sy was immediately up to aid her rising. He held her hand as she stepped out of the tub and dried her top half before helping her don the robe, then continued to dry her bottom half.

"Go on in there and get comfortable, Sunshine. I have a few phone calls to make. I wanna let your folks know you're okay and I wanna tell Detective Clarkson you've been found. Anyone else you want me to get in touch with?"

"Umm, do you know if my brother and sister know what's happened to me?"

"They do. They should both be at your parent's house by now from what I gathered when I visited."

"Okay, so mom or dad will let them know. I guess you should call Susan, and let her know that I'm alive but won't be in this week. On my fridge, there's a phone directory for everyone in my department. But first, call Heather. I don't want her to worry any longer. Call her right after mom and dad. And tell them all I'll have them over tomorrow, but I can't tonight. I'm…"

She didn't even know what she was. Tired, sore, depressed, hopeless, and angry. A combination of so many feelings and emotions coursed through her.

"I'll work it out. You get in bed, and I'll be back in when I'm done with these calls, okay?" she nodded. He continued, "I love you, darlin.'" and wrapped his arms around her, making her feel almost whole again.

"I love you." she replied. Holding back tears until he had left the room.

~~~~~~

Shane realized she hadn't brushed her teeth in…far too long. She donned her sleeping clothes and went into the bathroom again to complete a comprehensive oral hygiene routine.  Sy had been gone for about a half hour, during which time, his absence felt like a noose around her neck. Or an anvil on her chest. It made it feel like hours had passed rather than mere minutes. She was fidgety. When he finally re-entered, she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Do you need anything, sweet pea?"

"Just you."

Sy crawled under the covers with Shane to spoon her, arm laying over her rib cage. She winced, as the bruises on her torso were disturbed at the contact, but she didn't ask him to adjust. Despite the dull pain, this was what she needed. Sy's protecting arm around her.

"Did you get a hold of everyone?" She asked, sleepily.

"I did. Your family are eager to see you, but they understand your need for rest. Heather says that you better let her come over soon, because she's holding your phone hostage until you pay her in hugs. They all send their love."

"And Susan?"

"Yeah, that woman is a piece of work, I know, but I think she's going to come through for you. She's going to have them hold off on scheduling patients with you until you're better, and put both weeks in as vacation. She said you have plenty of it. But also, if you need more time, she can work out some…family medical leave…thing? She said she'd get the ball rolling on that, and will let you know what you need to do on your end."

"Oh, good. Yeah, she can be an asshole, but sometimes she does right by her employees. What about the detective?"

Sy paused there. "I, uh, I talked to him for quite a while and he said a lot of things. Let's go over the finer points tomorrow at breakfast. Or, rather, today." He said, looking at the blue numbers on the glowing digital clock on Shane's nightstand that indicated the wee hours of the morning were running out. "I'm sure we're both tired enough to grab a few winks, ain't we?" He asked, and she hummed her ascent as she tucked herself closer to his warm, monolithic chest.

As Shane drifted off, she thought she felt a warm kiss, and a whisper at her temple. It sounded like a tearful prayer. She was too far into her sleep to comprehend the words being said.

"Thank you God," Sy whispered. "I know I'm not your most faithful servant, but I am truly grateful that you've kept this treasure of mine alive and brought her back to me. Thank you for reuniting me with the woman I mean to spend the rest of my days with, if she'll agree to it. Thank you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About Thirty Minutes Ago-

Sy left the bedroom and began scrolling through his phone for the Benton's number. He pressed the call button with joy.

"Sy?" John answered frantically, just as he did the first time Sy spoke to him.

"John, is everyone there?"

"Yeah, we're all just watching a movie in the family room. Do you have news?"

"I do. You may want to put me on speaker, because everybody's going to want to hear this."

"Okay." and after a brief struggle with the speaker button and help from two younger people Sy presumed were Ethan and Gabby, John was back with the whole family. "Okay, Sy, we can all hear you. What's the word?"

"Oh, it's a very good word, guys. I found Shane and she is alive, and now safe." Cheering from what sounded like a stadium full of fanatics resounded from the ear piece of his cell phone.

"Sy, this is Gabby, Shane's sister. Can we come see her now?" Gabby's tears were evident in her voice. He wished he could tell them yes. But Shane needed her rest.

"I know she would love to see you, Gabby, she'd love to see all of you, but I think what she needs right now is rest. She's been through…a terrible ordeal. I took her to the Emergency Room to get checked out, and she just had a bath and is about to go to bed. She'll want to see you all tomorrow, though. Maybe around lunch time?"

"That sounds good, Sy. We'll bring some of this food over." John said.

"Are you sure we can't come over tonight? I…I want to see my daughter with my own eyes." Margaret said, weepily.

"I truly wish I could tell you yes, Peg, but she's hardly slept the last week, and just had her first full meal since she was taken this evening at the hospital. I really think it's best for everyone if you guys wait until tomorrow when she's more herself and rested." Sy reiterated.

"What about the people who did this to her?" a male voice he didn't recognize asked, assured to be Ethan. "Any leads on them?" He wanted to tell them that most of the men had been dealt with using lethal or nearly lethal force, and that the perpetrator of Shane's misery was locked up in Matt's shop bathroom until they decided just how to take care of him. But he needed to disclose what he knew to as few people as possible.

"The less y'all know, the better. For your own good. At least right now. Just know that whatever justice has not yet been served, it will be very soon."

"That's good enough for me." John offered, in an apparent attempt to bring Ethan on side.

"Thanks, John. I'll take care of her tonight. I won't leave her side. I promise."

"Thank you, son." John replied. Sy appreciated the tender address, but wondered how Ethan felt about his father referring to someone else as his son. Probably not that great. He couldn't worry about that now.

"It's my sincerest pleasure. I want you to know that. She's my world now. I won't let anything else happen to her."

"We know, dear." Peg added.

"Good night. And we'll see y'all tomorrow."

Four incoherent replies rang out before he ended the call. Next was Heather.

"Hello?" she answered in sleepy confusion.

"Heather?"

"Who'sis?"

"It's Logan Syverson. Sy? From PT. Shane's boyfriend."

"Sy! Oh, it's good to hear from you! Any news?"

"The best news, darlin.' Our girl is alive, and home safe." he smiled ear to ear saying the words, but it quickly turned into a wince when Heather shouted for joy in his ear. It was fine. Not like he didn't already have mild tinnitus.

"Oh my GOD! I'm coming over right now!"

"No, Heather, she's resting. She told me she'll see people tomorrow, but I don't think anyone but you and her family should be allowed in right now. She's…well, she's been through seven levels of Hell, and when I look into her eyes, I can still see the fire."

"Shit. Anything I can do?"

"She'll be thrilled to see ya. But tomorrow."

"She better. I have her phone and the ransom is a thousand hugs."

"That's a steep debt." Sy chuckled.

"She can owe me for a while." Heather laughed. "Is she okay?"

What a loaded question. Physically, she was injured, but would heal. Emotionally, that would be more of a journey.

"Honestly, Heather? Not really. The physical stuff is more or less superficial, but…I'm worried about her mental state."

"Poor thing. Please let me know if I can do anything. Anything at all. She's like a sister to me."

"I will. For now, keep the news and the details quiet. I'm gonna call Susan next, and I don't think she'll like it if you know before she does. Just a hunch."

"An accurate one. She'd be furious. I'll keep mum. Thanks so much for putting my mind at ease, Sy. Take care of her."

"I'll do my best. See ya."

He was dreading talking to Susan the most. More than Clarkson. He couldn't quite pinpoint why, but she'd really pissed him off every other time he'd talked to her, and he really didn't think too much of her.

"Hello, this is Susan."

"Hey, Susan, it's Logan Syverson. Shane's boyfriend." He made sure to put the label in there. Remind her that her policy had not been enough to keep them apart.

"Mr. Syverson. Hello. What can I do for you?" her haughty tone was softened a measure with concern for her employee. Even though she didn't ask about her in so many words, he knew that she was wondering.

"Nothing. I just wanted to let ya know, Shane's okay. She's been hurt, and won't be in this coming week, at least. She's in some pain right now, of both a physical and emotional nature."

"What happened?"

"She, uh, hasn't given me a lot of details." Not a lie. "She just escaped from her captor and we found each other." Misleading, but mostly true. "We just got home from the ER." Perhaps a lie by omission of the stop off at Matt's. "They said she'd be okay, but to follow up with her primary for more tests."

"Okay, I'll make sure her schedule is cleared. She has plenty of PTO for these two weeks, but I'll call the FMLA office in charge of family medical leave and short term disability and let them know she'll need some more time off, and see if we can get that going. I'll get with her about the details, and what she'll need to do. I'll text her sometime this week. How's she doing?" Sy thought he heard genuine concern from this dragon woman.

"About as well as someone who's been kidnapped, tortured, and assaulted for a straight week can possibly be, I'd say." Sy's words were civil, but tinged with venom. Even though she was being decent right now, he knew the kind of person she could be.

"Dear God." Susan gasped, shocked at the statement, and Sy wasn't sure whether it was due to the events themselves, or the blunt way he'd told her about them. "Well, I'll do anything I can to help her though this on my end. She's one of my best. I can't…I really don't think I could replace her."

"I'm glad you don't have to try, Susan. Have a nice evenin.'"

"Thanks, Sy, you too."

Sy took a deep breath as he pulled up Clarkson's number and called him. He honestly wasn't completely certain how he was going to explain things, but he'd figure it out. He was good at flyin' by the seat of his pants.

A gruff voice came from the ear piece. "Clarkson."

"Detective, this is Captain Syverson. We spoke about the Benton case a few days ago?"

"I remember you, Sy. What's up?"

"Oh, uh, well, wanted to tell ya you could close the case. I found her." It was the coming conversation in which he would really have to bend the truth or lie altogether.

"Really?! Oh, that's great, man. Where'd ya find 'er."

"I's drivin' 'round, hopin' to come across some lead or sign of her. I was a few miles down highway 100 when I saw a slumped form in one of the ditches. I pulled off at the next drive and went back to check, and it was her. She was hurt, but once she recognized me…I dunno, everything's kind of a blur after that. But I got her checked out at the ER, and brought her home now." Most of that statement was false…but not the recount of them seeing each other for the first time. That was a very real and true fact.

"Highway 100?"

"That's right. Why do you ask?"

"Well, I heard about a terrible, two-vehicle accident on Highway D tonight. No survivors."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." He wasn't. "I hope there weren't any kids involved." He knew there weren't.

"Nope. All adult males, aged 30-40. Couple of SUVs. One ran off the road, and another…well, it's almost like it was blown up on purpose. Happened just a few miles from town."

"That sounds horrible, but what does an accident on Highway E--"

"It was D. Highway D." Sy knew it was, and had said the wrong thing on purpose.

"My mistake. My question though, is what does that…tragedy have to do with my finding Shane on Highway 100?"

"That's what I'm wondering, myself, Syverson. See, there was some…evidence that suggests military involvement in this incident."

"Well, I'm retired."

"Are you though?  Is anyone ever really retired from the armed forces. No veteran I've ever talked to can seem to shake off the war shackles."

"Well, I ain't shackeled, detective. I'm proud of my time serving my country, but I got no cause to relive it or hang on to it. Especially now that I have Shane. She's my life now. That part of it’s over."

"I guess I have to take you at your word, captain. Got no evidence so far that ties you to the scene. Just…be careful. If you do anything retaliatory to Miss Benton's captor or captors, I won't be able to protect you, no matter how I feel about your actions. Or how justified they might be."

"Understood. I will keep that in mind should I decide to take matters into my own hands." he tried not to let the smile on his face show in his voice.

"Right, well…is she okay?"

"I, uh…I think she will be…eventually. She hasn't said much to me about what happened, but I know it was torture, or akin to it. "

"Well, I hope she recovers quickly. I'll want a statement from her before I close the case."

"Sure thing. As soon as she's ready to talk."

"Great. Thanks for the call, Sy. I'm glad she's safe now. That's all that matters, really."

"Agree. Have a good night, Clarkson."

He ended the call and rubbed his face as head in frustration with his free hand. They'd have to come up with a story. A good one. Close enough to the truth that Shane could feel comfortable telling it, but far enough of a departure that they weren't incriminated in any kidnapping, murder, or manslaughter charges.

But for tonight, they’d rest. And just be glad to be together again.

Up Next: Chapter 20-Second Assist

[oneboxofmatches]

Hi!!! May I request a HP romantic and friendship matchup on both eras? (Preferably male), thanks in advance! 💞

𝗕𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗦 + 𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘

19, Libra, Neutral Good, enneagram is 4w5, Ravenclaw, and my patronus spirit is swan. Bi Pan Genderfluid girl using pronouns of She/Her or He/Him. A friend of mine told me that I (kinda) look like Marinette from 𝗠𝗶𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗟𝗮𝗱𝘆𝗯𝘂𝗴, Musa from 𝗪𝗶𝗻𝘅 𝗖𝗹𝘂𝗯, and Alexandra Trese from 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲 (a Netflix animated series), but the exception is I'm short (5'1.2") plus sized Southeast Asian woman with Spanish descent that has messy/wavy brunette medium hair, chocolate brown eyes, oriental skin and a small beauty mark on the forehead. My sense of fashion is in between emo and boyish plus korean glam.

𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬

Distant and shy at first cause' I dunno how to initiate a conversation, but a total opposite if I open up---friendly, ambivert, witty, laughing loudly on a daily basis, talkative, awkward, daydreamer (I got embarrassed from knocking at the door even I'm inside the classroom 😂), EXTREMELY clumsy, secretly likes affection, easily overwhelmed, prone to melt over any wholesomeness, flusters on compliments, lightly blushes on cheesy banters, sarcastic person with a lowkey crackhead energy citing meme references, and talented girl who can be your no. 1 supporter and unashamed to be true to myself. In terms of leadership, I only educate and guide than being a prefect (I might take the role seriously), and will lift my group when there's lacking/incompleteness. About doing projects in school, I become too extra and prepared for efforts, but I'll forget the process in the end.

People thought I'm a demure self-effacing woman that looks "idealistic" or "one of a kind," (due to my protective parents, a reason why I've never been in a relationship) but the truth is, I'm eloquent, warm-hearted, willig to help, kind, intelligent, supportive, nice, creative, enthusiastic, determined, tough, competitive, and feisty outside, but a real softie that can be childish and dramatic crybaby filled with doubts, frustrations, and insecurities with fear of failure that pushes off the limits to to please everyone, yet I still managed to be stronger than ever, even it's a slow burn process. I can be intimidating, sassy, and a douchebag if I receive ends. Immature, headstrong, perfectionist, demanding, hesitant, jumpy, very indecisive, overthinker, quick-tempered, sensitive, and anxious (no joke, my nervousness makes me think worse scenario will arrive or I might break a belonging due to my carelessness). Though can be procrastinator and arrogant, I raised as a religious 𝖺𝗇𝖽 diplomatic person, willing to fight what I believe (including my dreams) 𝖺𝗇𝖽 what is right. In addition, I have a habit of staying up late and doing sign of the cross to ease nervousness.

Blunt but the loudest idiotic feeling-brokenhearted and bitter friend in the group who fangirl a lot, swears like sailor, will act like a silent backstabber on people that we loathe, will crack up over your stupid antics before helping, and bring gossips, but a hopeless romantic who tends to banter with sarcasms or pick up lines as an endearment (but gets grumpy if I received sappy or offensive one), still generous and concerned in a subtle way.

𝗛𝗢𝗕𝗕𝗜𝗘𝗦

My hobbies are singing, drawing, roleplaying, listening to music, chatting/browsing on social media, conceptualizing, writing, and reading some stuffs. 𝖨'𝗅𝗅 𝗂𝗇𝖼𝗅𝗎𝖽𝖾 making corniest jokes/puns, 𝗌𝗅𝖾𝖾𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗀, and dancing when nobody's around or walking like a model if I feel so bold (even I'm terrible at both xD).

𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Loves kittens, eating a lot, cartoons, watching YouTube videos (mostly pageants, ASMR, edit audios, and mukbangs), also enjoys playing games on my sister's PSP. Sucker for arts, choir, night sky, makeup, fun/deep/dumb conversations, Christianity, documentaries (about saints, real crime stories, and inspirational people), reading interesting stuffs, talking about social issues, and writings, chilling both indoors and outdoors. Beside that, my music taste are like late 90s-2000s songs (mostly rock, pop, and country) sometimes kpop and ppop, chocoholic, and a sweetooth as well.

𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Things that I hate are stereotyping, HUGE creepy crawlies (spiders, toads, snakes, and cockroaches), firecracker sounds, being left out, loneliness, heart break, blackout, and judgemental people. One random fact about me is, I 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 vent out EVERYTHING I despise in my entire existence---from bad soap operas to toxicity and worse scenarios in real life, because it's a big deal for me, and I consider forcing me to do what I'm not into and manipulating me as my major pet peeves.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗚𝗘𝗥𝗦

In terms of triggers...I only have two which are ta𝖨king about divorce/annullment/separation because I came from a generational broken family and religion/beliefs discrimination, cause' there are reasonings that doesn't makes sense because some are too hypocritical.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗩𝗜𝗔

My best assets are smile, eyes, personality, singing voice, artistic skills, writings, intelligence, and oratorical skills...so I can consider myself as a singer, artist, orator, and a top student who's a former active campus ministry member with three roles (choir leader, psalm singer, and reader). Currently an incoming college freshman, learning how to cook and have so many interests, to the point I don't know what I'm into because of my dreams to become a popular Filipino YouTuber, a novelist, and being part of a successful chorale competing internationally...I also consider joining pageants at school too once the pandemic ends, but maybe.

Thank you so, so much for requesting! I had a lot of fun with this one (as you can tell by some of the really long answers lol) and I hope you enjoy!!

In the Golden Trio era, I romantically pair you with…

CEDRIC DIGGORY

One of the most beautiful things about Cedric is that although he may show some introverted tendencies, he still manages to have a natural gift for connecting to others and allowing them to feel comfortable enough to open up. Really, your initial distance and shyness don't last nearly as long towards Cedric as they would with most other people.

Hearing your laughter brings the widest, cheesiest grin to Cedric’s face. Not only does he adore seeing you happy, but he also recognizes that your anxiety, insecurities, and strong emotions can sometimes cloud up your demeanor. Therefore, it brings him comfort knowing that (for the moment) you’re finding joy. He thrives when you thrive!

However, as much as he loves seeing your more energetic and happier self, it goes without saying that he’s the best comfort for when you’re not having the best day.

Cedric is an excellent listener, so he’ll most likely let you talk without interruption for as long as you need before even saying a word. He wants to make sure he truly understands your current state before acting. He may take a few seconds to process everything after you finish speaking, but then he’ll help you tackle whatever problems you’re facing. He’s especially talented at giving words of affirmation.

Cedric’s listening also comes in handy whenever you talk about your interests! He genuinely loves hearing about the things you’re interested in solely for the fact that you’re interested in them. Side note: you can count on him to be at any music performances, pageants, etc. you may have -- this guy is truly your #1 supporter.

Cedric’s a very good student (though I suspect he’s somewhat of a procrastinator himself), so I can also see you two supporting each other through schoolwork and celebrating each other’s successes.

Like you, Cedric has a strong urge to do the right thing. Talking to him about social issues stirs up a need to help, and I could see you two doing volunteer work together in your spare time.

I like to believe one of Cedric’s biggest love languages is quality time. Don’t get me wrong, this guy loves staying involved and busy. But taking a couple hours to be with you in small ways (even if that means just being in the same room while you scroll through social media) gives him a nice balance.

Overall, this kind boy will be there unwaveringly through the bad times and will laugh just as loud as you through the good!

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

LUNA LOVEGOOD

You wanna talk about the best conversations, relentless support, and overall the most wholesome friendship you could ask for? Luna’s your girl.

Being unashamed to be true to yourself is one of the biggest reasons why Luna is so drawn to you. While she’s very friendly and insightful towards everyone she meets, it can get a bit repetitive for her to constantly interact with people who try to shelter their unique characteristics from the world. In her mind, these unique characteristics are what make people so fascinating! Why should anyone hide who they are?

Luna’s creativity is endless, and I can see it blending well with yours. Collaborating on a personal project outside of school (ex: novel, blog, etc.) together is definitely something I could see you two doing.

Speaking of creativity, finding creative solutions to everyday problems (both in school and in life) is your specialty as friends.

Admittedly, Luna isn’t usually drawn to louder individuals. However, the complexity behind your personality makes it easier for her to know you are much more than what meets the eye.

Speaking of, Luna has a difficult time standing up for herself -- whether it’s because she doesn’t feel a need to or she just doesn’t recognize the meaning behind certain phrases. She NEEDS a friend like you to stand up for her sometimes, and I know you wouldn’t hesitate!

Ranting to Luna is therapeutic to say the least. While her aloofness at times may make it seem as if she isn’t fully paying attention, that couldn’t be further from the truth. She’s actually catching every word, and once you’re done she’ll leave you with a philosophical solution that may seem borderline insane/irrelevant when you first hear it, but it strangely makes sense.

Overall, the lack of judgment from either of you is what draws you together. As a result, you build a unique bond that couldn’t be broken even if either of you wanted it to.

In the Marauders era, I romantically pair you with…

REMUS LUPIN

Let’s be honest, it would take you two so long to ask each other out. You were probably already really close friends, but the insecurities and “what if?” questions from both of you delayed an actual relationship.

When you finally started dating, you were both so relieved. You still share a laugh at how almost nothing changed in the way you interacted with each other.

While with mutual friends, Remus sometimes likes to sit back and just watch you, especially when you get really talkative because this is when you become the most expressive. He has the softest smile when you’re actively cracking jokes, discussing something you’re passionate about, or even calling someone out. Sometimes you may be too distracted to notice, but other times you’ll catch him.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing.” (While that same soft smile never leaves his face.)

You both hold really high standards for yourself in terms of school, so expect late-night study/work sessions to be your best bet for quality time.

Though the occasional instance of walking through/lying on the grounds becomes a favorite for both of you.

Remus listens when you’re particularly struggling through anxiety or strong emotions, but he has to consciously stop himself from interrupting because he can’t stand how he feels knowing you’re going through a tough time.

All he wants to do is soothe you during these moments. If you’re comfortable, he’ll hold you while speaking to you in a soft voice. Remus, the intellectual that he is, is also your best chance at finding a reasonable solution. So if you're not in the mood for calming words, he's also a great person to turn to for answers.

As for your ambitions, no matter what you choose to pursue, you already know Remus is going to be your biggest source of support every step of the way. He’s more than happy to help in any way he can!

Overall, Remus appreciates you, and he’s always going to make sure you know it.

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

LILY EVANS

Lily especially connects to you because you manage to be determined, competitive, and intelligent without sacrificing your kindness, which is something she can relate to.

You and Lily are the C.E.O.s of doing the right thing. Neither of you hesitates to back the other up when it comes to confronting someone because you know it’s justified.

As perceptive as Lily is, you never need to tell her when something is bothering you. All it takes is a quick glance before she puts whatever she’s doing on hold to check in with you.

The reverse works as well. Typically, Lily really doesn’t internally struggle too much, and when she does she tries to hide it. You’re one of the only people who can see right through whatever she tries to pull.

The constant banter between you two is unmatched, but you both know it's because you really care about each other.

Overall, you and Lily have each other’s backs through anything, even when the other isn’t actively asking for help.

[chiaki-translation]

4th Anniversary The Key To Daydreaming: Autumn’s Door - Event Translation

I’m back~ Nids will be translating the Summer part of this event story, so I will be going straight to the ending/epilogue after this~ Anyway, bias time, but, Taichi is so precious. Another random thing though, my mind was kinda in error for a while, I kept trying to translate ‘musume’ as little girl, then I realized, ‘young lady’ actually works well enough XD

The recorded video for Autumn will be here: AUTUMN’S DOOR

4th Anniversary The Key to Daydreaming: Secret Key / / Spring’s Door / / Autumn’s Door / / Winter’s Door / / Opening the Future Door with You

Disclaimer:

A3! is owned by Liber’s Entertainment

Director:

Umm…

What key is this I wonder.

*ping*

Oh? A LIME message.

<LIME starts>

Banri:

Director-chan, have you bought the magazine that I asked before?

<LIME ends>

Director:

(Ah. Right, he asked me to help him buy a magazine when I was out shopping before…

I have to unload a lot of stuffs that time, I postponed unloading the non-food items to the last and I completely forgot about it…!)

<LIME starts>

Director:

Sorry! I bought it, but it’s still in the car.

Banri:

I see. Sorry, but I need it as a reference for my university assignment, do you mind getting it fast?

I’m outside right now, but I’ll give you a call when I’m back in dorm.

Director:

Understood. I will take it from the car.

<LIME ends>

Director:

I should go to the garage as early as possible.

…Hmm?

(There’s a paper pasted in front of Room 104)

‘Unlocked’…

???:

“Of course, that’s no good!”

Director:

(Eh? Just now, Banri-kun’s voice?

But, Banri-kun went out earlier…

What’s the meaning of this. It sounds like an argument too, I’m quite worried…

…Let’s take a look for a bit)

<Shifts to Room 104>

Shinbashi?:

“If you say that, even if it’s just a prank just now, you might get caught by the police one day!”

Moran?:

“There’s something called necessary evil in this world.

Even if it looks like a criminal act to you, there are people who will be saved by it.”

Shinbashi?:

“But a bad deed is still evil.

Even you learn about differentiating good and bad in moral lesson right.”

Director:

(Those are… Shinbashi and Moran!?

It seems like there’s an argument between the hot-blooded new teacher, Shinbashi, and Moriarty’s underling, Moran.

Hmm, regardless, this situation is…

An etude practice maybe?)

Shinbashi:

“… Ah, certainly, there are cases of educators who uses disciplinary actions for  students who misbehave and it works sometimes.”

Moran:

“So you finally understand.”

Shinbashi:

“Speaking of which, I became an educator due to that kind of teacher, even that student ended up being called teacher now.”

Moran:

“Teacher…? So, you’re a teacher.”

Shinbashi:

“Yeah. I’m still a fledgling though.”

Moran:

“I see, you too…”

Shinbashi:

“You too? You mean, you’re actually a teacher as well?”

Moran:

“No… It’s not me, but instead, I’m following a teacher.”

Shinbashi:

“I see. Even you have someone that you trust.

For you to be able to meet such a reliable teacher like that, it’s once in a lifetime treasure!

About that person, make sure you cherish him.”

Moran:

“…”

Director:

(Moran doesn’t reply, but I’m sure he actually agreed with him.

It fits well somehow?)

Moran:

“…By the way.

You’ve been eavesdropping since earlier, who are you.”

Director:

!? Wha, yes!

Shinbashi:

“Oi!

Even if it’s just a toy, it’s not good to suddenly point a gun at people…”

Moran:

“You, what do you want.”

Director:

Sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I heard voices that sounds like people arguing just now—

I thought some of our troupe members were quarreling, but apparently…

Moran:

“Our troupe member… Are you a person who guides others as well.”

Shinbashi:

“Ah, perhaps it’s our fault?

I’m sorry to surprise you.”

Director:

It’s fine. Even so, Banri-kun and Juza-kun too, you two fits amazingly well into the role.

Moran:

“…?”

Shinbashi:

“Banri-kun, Juza-kun…?”

Director:

(Ah, I guess the etude is still going on.

Maybe it’s a better idea to match them for now)

Eh, umm, by the way, what were the two of you doing?

Moran:

“By a request, I was investigating around this area.”

Shinbashi:

“As for me, I was asked to check for a student who didn’t come to school, that’s why I ended up here.

And then, I met this guy by chance, when I was about to ask if he knows that student—

I realized he was behaving quite suspiciously.

Afterwards, I just dashed carefully towards him.

But, after hearing his story, he doesn’t seem to be a bad guy.”

Director:

(Ah, as expected of Shinbashi… So straightforward)

Shinbashi:

“Oh, this is not the time for small talk.

I need to find that student quickly.”

Moran:

“I can’t keep dawdling in this kind of place as well.”

Director:

Ah, wait a minute…

Shinbashi:

“Then, see you!”

Moran:

“…”

Director:

(They went off.

Ah, speaking of which, I should have asked the two of them if they know anything about this key…)

<End of Chapter 3>

Director:

(Even so, I wonder what was that just now.

Where did those two go after that?

Hmm? Someone’s running this way…?)

Mikami?:

“Huff, huff…

Wh, what should I do…!”

Director:

(Now it’s Taichi-kun?

As I thought, he’s wearing the costume from the Mixed Play performance…

He looks like he’s in a hurry, I wonder what happened. Let’s try to ask him)

<Shifts to Room 105>

Mikami?:

“It’s not here either…”

Director:

Are you alright? Are you looking for something?

Mikami?:

“Woah!?”

Director:

Oh, umm, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.

Mikami:

“Eh, umm, it’s…”

Director:

(Hmm, this feeling… It this perhaps, the continuation of the etude with Banri-kun earlier)

Mikami:

“Ex, excuse me!

Do you happen to find a lost earring around here?”

Director:

An earring…?

(I see. Mikami doesn’t have an earring on one of his ear)

Mikami:

“You don’t know, of course…

Sorry for raising my voice suddenly.”

Igarashi:

“…Hmm?”

Director:

(! It’s Igarashi this time…!)

Mikami:

“Ex, excuse me!

Do you happen to find a lost earring around here?”

Igarashi:

“An earring, perhaps it’s this one?”

Mikami:

“--! It’s this one!”

Igarashi:

“I found it on the roadside earlier, so I picked it up.

I was thinking of delivering it to a police box but—

What, is it an important thing of yours?”

Mikami:

“Yeah. It’s from Kikukawa… Eh, umm, it’s from my partner who made this outfit, it’s an important item of mine.

I’m glad I found it…

Thank you, thank you so much…!”

Igarashi:

“You don’t need to thank me so much, I’m getting embarrassed here somehow.”

Director:

I’m glad you found it safely.

Igarashi:

“Yeah.

Don’t lose it again, take good care of it.”

Mikami:

“Yeah!

Ah, it’s time for the shooting…!

The two of you, thank you so much!”

Igarashi:

“There he goes. Haha, he come and goes like a storm.

Speaking of which, who are you?”

Director:

Umm, just someone who happened to pass by…

(Right, speaking of lost items!)

Excuse me, speaking of lost item, I also picked up this key earlier.

Do you know anything about it?

Igarashi:

“Hmm~ I have no idea about it.

Somehow, I ended up dealing with a lot of lost items today.”

Director:

Ahaha, true that.

Sorry, thank you though.

Igarashi:

“Then, can I ask you a question now?”

Kouhei… Ah, of course you won’t know him. Have you seen a high school student with black hair, one wearing a green-colored uniform like mine?”

Director:

No, I haven’t seen him…

Igarashi:

“I see… Then, if you happen to see him, can you tell him that Igarashi will be waiting at the meeting place first.”

Director:

Eh? Ah, alright, understood.

Igarashi:

“Thank you for your help.”

<Shifts to Courtyard>

Director:

(The Kouhei that he meant, I’m sure he’s speaking about Azami.

I wonder if he meant to ask me to go to Room 106 in a roundabout way.

I’m already this far in, I guess I’ll go)

… As I thought.

In Room 106 there’s also a paper written ‘Unlocked’ on it.

(The door’s slightly open as well, let’s take a look at the situation)

<Shifts to Room 106>

Kouhei?:

“…”

Seimei?:

“…”

Director:

(As I thought, it’s Kouhei and Seimei.

But, there seems to be a terrible mood here somehow…)

Seimei:

“I heard the news about the apparition, a lone child…

What are you doing here.”

Kouhei:

“It’s already the end of school hour, there’s nothing weird with a student walking around.

Well…

I kinda skipped class today though.”

Seimei:

“…You mean, you abandoned what you are supposed to do and wander around instead.”

Kouhei:

“…There’s something that I don’t like there, that’s why I slipped out.

You don’t know anything about me, don’t just say anything you like.”

Seime:

“What?”

Kouhei:

“Speaking of which, do you even have time to waste on me.

You seem to be busy grumbling about the so called apparition, are you sure you’re alright?”

Seimei:

“… I see.

According to Kou, our way of… Hmm?”

Director:

!

Seimei:

“So you’re there!”

Director:

Please wait a minute! Yo, you got it wrong!

(I jumped out in a hurry, but I feel that this already happened before, what a dejavu…)

About that, I just happened to pass by here.

Seime:

“You’re also here by chance huh… It’s so confusing.”

Kouhei:

“We were just walking though, the one poking into our business is you isn’t it.”

Seimei:

“…”

Director:

(They’re back to this terrible mood…!

I have to change the topic somehow)

Ri, right. Kouhei-kun.

Kouhei:

“?”

Director:

Just now, Igarashi asked me to tell you that he will be heading to the meeting place first.

Kouhei:

“Seriously, this is bad… I have to head there immediately.

Thank you for the message. Then, I’ll be going first.”

Seimei:

“Wait.”

Kouhei:

“What is it? You still have something to say?”

Seimei:

“You, do you happen to know of a place called ‘Garage’?”

Kouhei:

“I don’t know. Why don’t you just ask that thing you call Shikigami?”

Director:

(Garage… Right, at the beginning I was supposed to go to the garage to pick up the magazine)

Seimei:

“…Your face told me that you know something about it.

Young lady, can I ask for your guidance to bring me to this place called ‘Garage’.”

Director:

M, me?

I was about to go there, I guess. I don’t really mind…

Seimei:

“I appreciate it. Then, let’s go.”

<End of Chapter 4>

Igarashi:

“Oh, Kouhei?

You’re from just now! ... And, who?”

Seimei:

“…? The apparition’s presence seems to be leading me here.”

Igarashi:

“An apparition? Also that look… Are you a medium or something?”

Kouhei:

“Sorry for being late, Kouhei-san—

…Ah. You’re here again."

Seimei:

“The kid from just now huh.”

Shinbashi:

“I found you!

You’re the student who skipped school right.”

Kouhei:

“No, I only skipped 5 times.”

Igarashi:

“Kouhei, did you skip school again?”

Kouhei:

“…There’s just something that I hate today. I’ll properly come to school tomorrow onwards.”

Igarashi:

“I see… You should tell me if you get bullied again.”

Shinbashi:

“Bullied…? Do you get bullied in school!?”

Kouhei:

“It’s an old story, I don’t really get bullied nowadays.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter to you right.”

Shinbashi:

“Of course, it matters. As a lecturer, I want to be the student’s strength!”

Kouhei:

“Sigh…”

Seimei:

“…”

Director:

! Why do you suddenly assume that stance, what’s happening?

Seimei:

“The conflict might appear due to the evil spirit…”

Moran:

“What a dumb assumption… Of course, that’s not the case.

I marked you because you’re one of my target, but after hearing you, you’re less than a scammer, you’re basically just spitting out delusions.”

Seimei:

“What…?”

Director:

Wa, wait, everyone please calm down…!

(Somehow the atmosphere turns horrible on every side… What to do)

Mikami:

“I made it just in time…!”

Director:

!

Mikami:

“Pleased to work with you today!”

Together:

“…”

Mikami:

“…Eh, eh? Isn’t today’s shooting supposed to be here…”

Igarashi:

“Ah, you’re the one from earlier…”

Mikami:

“Yeah! Thank you for earlier.

So you’re also involved in today’s shooting.”

Igarashi:

“Shooting?”

Mikami:

“Yeah. Everyone too, you’re all wearing the costumes for the shooting… Right?”

Together:

“…”

Kouhei:

“…Pu.”

Igarashi:

“Hahahaha!”

Moran:

“Sigh…”

Mikami:

“Eh? Eh?”

Shinbashi:

“Haha, everyone has their own business, it just happened that we ended up gathering here.”

Igarashi:

“A mysterious coincidence huh.”

Kouhei:

“Geez, what the hell. Anyway, you too, you have something to do here?”

Director:

! Ye, yeah. I come by to pick up a thing that I forgot.

Moran:

“So, you too.

Really, this story sounds like a miracle. It’s hard to believe.”

Director:

(Before we realized, the arguments and quarrels from earlier have disappeared.

Fufu. But the view just now, really looks like the usual Autumn Troupe…)

Igarashi:

“Speaking of which, have you found out more about the key from earlier?”

Director:

…! Right.

Truthfully, I haven’t gotten any clue.

(Now is the chance to ask everyone at one go)

I picked up this key earlier, does anyone here know anything about it?

Kouhei:

“No, it’s not mine.”

Moran:

“I don’t know.”

Seimei:

“Not that I can recall.

It’s a very unusual looking key.”

Mikami:

“Umm, it’s not mine either.

Sorry, I can’t be of any help.”

Shinbashi:

“Umm, it’s not mine too.”

Director:

I see… Understood.

Everyone, thank you so much.

Igarashi:

“A lost key, huh. I’m curious somehow.

I wonder what’s supposed to be opened using that key?”

Moran:

“The reasonable answer should be a door isn’t it?”

Seimei:

“It might be a storage as well.”

Mikami:

“A treasure chest maybe…?”

Kouhei:

“There’s a possibility for it to be a vehicle key too.”

Shinbashi:

“Well, whatever it opens—

What awaits it in the future has to be decided by the person who opens it.”

Seimei:

“…Ah. Ultimately, a key marks the beginning after all.”

Director:

--

Igarashi:

“Then, we’ll be going for soccer practice now, I guess this is goodbye.”

Shinbashi:

“Yeah, good luck.

You too, you’re going to school tomorrow right.”

Kouhei:

“Understood.”

Shinbashi:

“Then, I’ll be going back too. I still have some papers to mark.”

Moran:

“…I’ve completed the request. I shall go back to Sensei’s place.”

Seimei:

“The presence of the apparition has disappeared as well…

I guess I should promptly return.

Young lady, thank you for your guidance.”

Director:

You’re welcome.

Mikami:

“… Excuse me.”

Director:

Hmm?

Mikami:

“That key’s owner, please look for him.

Perhaps, just like me, there might be someone out there who is in trouble after losing it.”

Director:

… Yeah, understood.

<Shifts to Courtyard>

Director:

(In the end, I still don’t know anything about that etude…)

Ultimately, a key marks a beginning.

It’s up to you to decide what to do ahead of it…

(Anyway, the stance to open up the path using your own power, that sounds like Autumn Troupe alright.

The thing that this key will open in the future, I wonder what it will be)

Alright, I’ll continue to look for the owner of this key…

…Ah.

Oops, I forgot about the magazine.

(But when I thought about the etude earlier, I’m sure he contacted me because he knows, it’s Banri-kun’s after all)

… I’ll go and get it later, let’s leave a LIME message for Banri-kun for now…

<End of Chapter 5>