#i can also MAKE you the notecard pile if you want but that would require your physical mailing address which is more awkward

[talsgarthewanderer]

I came up with this GREAT idea to make completion checklists to keep track of my own ESO characters, and then decided to make checklists for my sibling and parent as well, and I just updated my sibling's characters' checklists after a month of grinding their toons for levels and skyshards and stuff. Because I wasnt able to bring the checklist BINDER with me across the country while visiting my sibling.

So my wrist hurts now, but I also do enjoy the checklists so no pain no gain

[etherealluminescence]

Shdjdjjddjjs okay but, more buff cat hcs when ?? But seriously, i know it probably counts as crack hc but i enjoyed it way to much i cant get it out of my head anymore, i havent laught so much in a while now sjdjchdj. I sure hope the buff cat saga will continue !!

You know what? I’ll give you some buff cat content now. 😤 my school work can wait. And trust me, the buff cat saga WILL continue. I just tend to work on requests first rather than my own wants haha.

I’m really happy you like buff cat! Buff cat is my life now. Constantly haunted by buff cat. Maybe one day I’ll introduce a girlfriend or friends for buff cat too 🤔

Maybe I’ll do a background about buff cat and how they met MC?? And why buff cat is so attached to MC? I don’t know. 👉👈 maybe if someone requests, otherwise I’ll just do whatever I feel like in the moment.

Anyone can also feel free to request any buff cat scenarios!! If not I’ll think of some up. THIS IS SO LONG IM SORRY. I WROTE THIS LIKE 1 HOUR OR SOMETHING STRAIGHT AHA.

The boys react to buff cat teaching you

Lucifer

Lucifer had noticed your grades were improving recently, and wanted to take you out to eat for working so hard to both keep up with your class.

When he came to your room, he saw a scene that honestly shouldn’t of surprised him, but did anyways.

You were sitting at your desk, books sprawled across the entire surface area of it. On top of a book pile was buff cat, wearing a pair of glasses, and he was using a pointer to show you important parts you should remember.

He watched in awe as you two never exchanged any words, but you were scribbling down definitions and important notes, while buff cat turned the pages and reviewed your work.

He’s gotten fairly use to buff cat cooking, cleaning, intimidating others, but he has never seen buff cat act like a teacher before, it was sort of new, and he even had a teacher outfit.

He swears that he never sees you buying these outfits, or that people in the devildom actually sell muscular cat clothing.

Buff Cat is the first to break the silence, looking over at Lucifer and positioning his pointer at Lucifer’s head, and then to in front of your desk.

You were still focused on your studying, knowing that you were steadily improving. Buff Cat got out a notepad from one of your desk drawers, and wrote “Leave what you require on this note, I am instructing MC right now, and when we are done tutoring I will give this note to them.”

Lucifer ended up having to take a rain check on taking you out to eat, and learned that your cat has really advanced vocabulary.

Mammon

He was failing the majority of his classes, and ended up asking you for help. You were his best shot, and you seemed to be passing all of your classes with flying colours.

You said you were happy to help him! Except that someone else was actually helping you study. They were a very efficient teacher.

He was relieved to hear that you’d introduce your teacher to him, until he found out it was that fucking demon spawn from hell.

He screeched so hard and ran out of the room, crying like a girl. “aAAAAaaaaAAAH”

Mammon is terrified of buff cat, and now you’re telling him this cat has the intelligence of a genius? You came to the devildom like a few months ago how is this cat tutoring you and making you pass your classes with ease??

He swears your cat is trying to plot for world domination or something. Will NEVER ask you to study with him again.

Leviathan

You walked into Levi’s room trying to find buff cat. It was a Sunday, which was typically a boys night out between them, but it was getting pretty late and you need to study.

There was a test tomorrow on devildom history, and you wanted to review one more time with buff cat, as to make sure you’ll do well on it.

“Mr. Kitty, are you here?” You called out, as soon as you said that Buff Cat paused the game and ran up to you. Levi was slightly annoyed as Buff Cat was beating a hard level for him, but he is your cat above all else.

You smiled as Buff Cat greeted you, and apologised for interrupting them. You explained to Levi how you wanted to review for the test, and if it wasn’t an issue could he spare around 20 minutes?

Levi huffed and agreed and called you a normie, and was about to pick up his switch when your words finally set in.

You put down the book you were carrying and got out a pencil, and took a piece of paper out of the book. You began writing down all of the important stuff on the paper while Buff Cat watched over your shoulder.

When you were finished, he went into the book with you and showed you a couple things you’ve missed or had forgotten, and then got you to write it down three times each as to remember. He even wrote a few essay questions for you which you got.

Levi was impressed. Not only did Buff Cat seem to know the whole devildom history by heart, he knew the exact pages and lines, and even how to write.

He didn’t really care as long as Buff Cat beats the hard level for him. He just considers it to be cool.

Satan

Satan was impressed with your high grades. It must be hard for a human to suddenly learn about a whole new realm, right? So if you had Cs he would understand, but you were getting 97s and 94s.

He understood everything when he started to notice what kind of books Buff Cat had been reading in his room, recently.

You all were having a test on curses soon, and Buff Cat came by his room and began looking for books about curses, and similar ones to what you all had been learning about.

Satan ended up chuckling to himself and found it amusing. It was amazing how your cat even spent his free time coming to someone’s room, finding books for your tests, and reads them before going back to you to help you understand the content.

He likes to get coffee with Buff Cat and talk about the stuff you’re learning in classes, he never directly said it to you, but he helps Buff Cat find specific books when Buff Cat comes over.

Asmodeous

Lucifer decided to punish the house of lamentations by taking away all of their electronics after they did something stupid again. The only way to earn it back, was through getting an 80% or higher on their next test.

You and Asmo suffered because you would normally look up answer during your test, and Asmo had no social media or contact with any of his friends with benefits.

You two weren’t ashamed to beg Buff Cat for help to pass your next test. He was probably the smartest in the house. He goes to Satan’s room almost every day and purchased books when he goes out. Your cat even tutored you when you were in elementary school.

You and Asmo barely needed to convince Buff Cat, as he was ecstatic to help you again. He’d do anything to help you, and was even willing to help Asmo out as well.

Asmo thought that Buff Cat looked REALLY adorable in his teacher’s outfit. A suit, tie, glasses, and his claws were so shiny from their manicure earlier.

Buff cat even slicked his fur back to look like he gel’d his hair. He was a literal fashion icon. Asmo could do some sewing, but nothing to the degree Buff Cat did.

Buff Cat had so many outfits he made himself, and he even did them so quickly. They all turned out perfect. Oh right, this was about studying wasn’t it?

Asmo never really asked questions about why your cat could just be so smart, and more so focused on how cool your cat looked. Priorities.

Beelzebub

Beel and Buff Cat are gym buddies, so naturally they’d walk home together from the gym. Everything was fine until Buff Cat’s MC senses were tingling, and began to walk towards you, crouching down in a store trying to figure out which notebooks to buy.

Beel thought it was pretty cool Buff Cat knew where you were, like how he and Belphie were that close to each other.

Brel asked you what you were doing, and you explained that you wanted to get some new notebooks because your old one is messy and confusing. You just scribbled whatever you could down, and were having a bit of a hard time in class.

Buff Cat immediately perked up, and you two seemed to have a conversation. He meowed and you happily said “I’d love that!”

Apparently, Buff Cat had offered to tutor you. Beel wasn’t so sure how well your cat could teach, though, considering he still is a cat, and offered to help you as well, since he wouldn’t like to see you sad from overworking yourself.

He was scribbling notes alongside with you five minutes into your first session together. Buff Cat wrote such simple explanations, and even prepared notecards ahead of time, Beel forgot he was supposed to teach you.

He is pretty fine with Buff Cat teaching you both, and once again forgets that Buff Cat is a “normal”? cat and not some weird creature that knows the answer to life.

Belphegor

Is really fucking terrified of your buff cat. Like TERRIFIED. So when he sees your cat in a teacher’s outfit sitting at the dinning room table, teaching you math, he was frozen.

He came down to get a glass of milk but what is this. Do you- do you have to do it in the living room?

There is no other reaction than physical fear coursing through his body his adrenaline is at the highest and his fight or flight instincts kick in.

He’s already fought once and that caused Buff Cat to exist in constant Buff form around him, so you can bet he is running.

Probably has a group chat with Mammon and Luke. “Buff Cat Conspiracy”. They talk about how scary buff cat is.

Diavolo

Buff Cat told Diavolo he was the one who helped you study. They were having conversation (buff cat used a notebook) and the topic of your studies came up. He mentioned how he had been helping you study, and understand the terminology in the Devildom better.

He was happy to hear that you understood it, and that it wasn’t too complicated for either of you too.

He actually asks if he can watch your study sessions, to see if he needs to lighten your workload just in case you’re pushing yourself too much.

You two allow him to watch, and he’s giving soft claps and smiles as the two of you give it your best.

Is honestly very happy with how much you two get along, and how you say it’s very simple since Buff Cat explains(meows) it in a very efficient manner.

He already knew Buff Cat was smart, but haha. Maybe he should hire Buff Cat to be a teacher or support class teacher for RAD?

Barbatos

You had grown accustomed to the devildom these past few months, and with Buff Cat with you, you were allowed to freely explore it when you want.

Buff Cat also happens to have a spare key to open the castle when he wishes.

Exam/testing season was coming up, and you knew you couldn’t study at the house of lamentation.

It was very distracting, and so you decided to go to the castle. No one will be screaming there, or trying to convince you your cat is a weird entity trying to plot world domination.

Barbatos was sort of used to seeing Buff Cat come and go as he pleases, but why were you here? Before he could say anything, you told him that you were visiting to study! And that you hope he didn’t mind that Buff Cat was going to tutor you.

Alright, so you’re studying, but why at the castle? You had to explain that it was very distracting at the house of lamentations, and Mammon was trying to convince you to get rid of your cat 24/7.

Ah, he could see that. Your cat isn’t exactly normal, and Mammon does occasionally scream like a girl. I promise I love Mammon. But it’s not like he minded, so long as you two were quiet and actually studied.

He left to clean for a bit, and when he returned to the guest room he saw you wearing a headband, violently writing down and muttering definitions at an insane pace. Buff Cat was in a teacher’s outfit, and holding out flash cards.

He’s slightly taken aback, but doesn’t show it anywhere on his face. He has never seen you so serious before, and neither has he seen Buff Cat so focused on you, as well.

He’s quite proud of you two for your hard work and dedication. He doesn’t interrupt but instead pours you three cups of tea, Buff Cat thanks him, and watches over you two.

Solomon

Solomon invited you over for a study session. He may be a little shady, but he does care for you, as a fellow human.

He was ecstatic to see Buff Cat come with you, because he still wants to dissect your cat.

He was about to talk to you about letting him research you cat, but you made yourself comfortable on his bed, and Buff Cat began to put on glasses and take out a pointer.

He didn’t have anytime to talk beforehand, as you were highlighting certain areas of your book, your cat pointing to certain parts, and you patted the bed beside you for Solomon to join.

Solomon’s plans to dissect your cat are set back another day, but he takes great interest in the way he teaches. Your cat is very methodical about how to remember things, and explains(meows) it rather simply.

He swears that your cat is not a normal human cat, but why can he sense literally zero magic power from it? If only Buff Cat could teach him that.

Solomon also gets 100% on the next test by remembering everything the way Buff Cat had taught you two.

Simeon

Absolutely chaotic man, when he sees you and Buff Cat in a classroom when school was over, he approached you two, and said hello.

You greeted him, and so did Buff Cat. He asked what you were doing after school so late, and that it was dangerous for the two of you. Buff Cat not so much but could still be in danger.

You told him you were studying for the upcoming test, and that Buff Cat was helping you.

Simeon was like!!! 💖👉👈💖💖💖💖🥰🥰🥺🥺 could I join?? This sounds so fun!! Buff Cat is so smart!!

He does not question the fact he’s studying with a cat, learning from a cat, or just how nice your cat can write on paper, like perfect handwriting.

He has such chaotic energy that he’s just like you, what a cute cat!

Luke

no.

just no.

he’s fine with your cat but does your cat have to be in buff form when you’re being taught?

he is happy you are getting good grades but please get him away from buff form buff cat.

[wearesorcerer]

Gorgoldand’s Gauntlet One-Shot...Part 2?! (of 3?)

To give the DM of our Sunday campaign a break, we players agreed to do round robin DMing sessions. I’ve somehow managed to be the first up for actual DMing. I hate DMing (except by play-by-post) and had joined this group so that I wouldn’t have to DM yet again, so naturally I was the first to have to DM an actual session outside of character creation. They gave me two demands: the game couldn’t be hack-and-slash and I was to make pregenerated characters.

So I did.

They are all quirky af. I’m running them through a module (”Gorgoldand’s Gauntlet,” 3.0 1st-level dungeon crawl, Dragon Annual #5, pg. 39-51) I thought wouldn’t take long. We just finished session two and I can foresee at least another session and probably two to complete it (12-14 hours of play at the rate we’re going).

Characters

My original intention was to make each character a character sheet that would neatly fit onto a 3″ x 5″ notecard, as I’d found dot grid ones at Walmart and figured I could manage.

Unfortunately, I lost those immediately before the session and had to remake the character sheets from memory an hour before the game was to start. These were on normal notecards because I didn’t have character sheets on hand, either.

Originally, I had rolled on the Random Edgelord Backstory Generator for each character and given them a detailed boon and drawback. (I managed to remember some of what I’d done, but only so much, so each is a little weirder as a result.) Each character comes from a different time period, the rationale being that they’d all been the victims of Victoria Belanger (with faux French pronunciation), a seemingly immortal medusa, and had found themselves restored in the bizarre-looking chambers of David Astanox, who requests as repayment that they survey Gorgoldand’s Gauntlet. The main DM couldn’t make it to the first session, so I left his character frozen in carbonite petrified in Astanox’s domain.

The characters are:

Gimli O’MacGloinovskiidesson, LN Male Dwarf Rogue. Medieval. Has a suit of mithril full plate of which he’s protective to the point of paranoia (it’s his former blankie), a phobia of all things bug-like (shrieks like a little girl [as in high pitched] on sight), and a fondness for good cheeses (specifically brie).

Ronan the Bardbarian, NG Male “Half-Orc” Skald. Bronze Age. He’s not actually a half-orc, but a genetic throwback; this gives him the Ferocity monster ability (but no Darkvision or fluency in Orcish) and Small Man Syndrome (despite being one of the biggest non-monster people he’s ever met). A former ~kindergarten teacher, he manipulates people into doing what he wants by treating them like his students (gold stars, etc.).

Phillip Withtwoells, NE Female “Halfling” Witch. Totally not a pile of crows in a coat. That’s because she’s actually a nickel possessing a pile of ravens (which have become her flock of familiars) and using them to masquerade as a halfling from c. 1955. She’s looking for a better host body (she’s immobile otherwise) and wants “shinies” to bribe/trick said host into accepting her.

The other DM’s character, Florence “F” Valentine, CN Male Dhampir Magus. Contemporary (petrified a couple of months ago). A coven of night hags and succubi seduced and devoured his imaginary friends; now he’s (almost literally) Batman. Despite this, he gets a twitch when confined to dark, dank spaces. Not particularly fond of short, human-like creatures (dwarves, some fey, gnomes, goblins, halflings, etc.). Surprisingly flammable.

Sessions

We’ve managed to make it through two rooms and a doorway each time we’ve played (c. 3-4 hours).

In the first session, Gimli repelled down a steep cliff face with Phillip tied to him (Ronan followed behind) to get into the dungeon. Unbeknownst to him, the jinkin (originally jermlaine; same thing lore-wise) who had taken up residence in the dungeon had added a trap at the entrance: a dead giant spider’s husk filled with dust of sneezing and choking (Fort DC 15 vs. 2d6 Con damage). Being arachnophobic, he attacked the husk and both he and Phillip took (2? 3? I forget) Con damage. Ronan then fell into a spiked pit with poison ivy, but saved vs. the ivy and instead just lost all but two HP (not that it matters, given Ferocity). Finally seeing the jinkin, the group walked into the next trap (wires made from human hair stretched across the passageway; hanging from these were fish hooks), got flustered, set fire to the hair, and then saw the jinkin escape on similarly made ropes (used as ziplines) strung across a wide chasm.

This session, F showed up and the group stood around trying to figure out how to cross said chasm (for the better part of twenty minutes; highlights include Phillip pulling out a raven from under her blouse) before F pulled out a grapple gun to swing across the chasm while holding Phillip as I played fitting music (skip to :20 if it doesn’t start there). He threw the grapple gun back to Gimli, who succeeded at swinging across, and then to Ronan, who lost his grip and fell into the water below. As Ronan was climbing out of the water, the merrow living down there grabbed his leg and pulled him back in. A short fight ensued; the only injured party was the merrow. Afterward, it took me quite a bit of time to convince Phillip (remember: obsessed with shinies) to show interest in the twenty pound bag of coins (1000 coins -- 750 silver, 250 gold) stuck beneath a boulder in the water. Finally lifting it the rock and dividing the treasure, the party moved on to the next room, which had a weird “trap” (riddle door plus hidden rust monsters). Gimli went “berserk” (full panic mode), had his axe melt before him, and fainted from fright on turn two. (F’s rapier also got rust monstered.)

You may be wondering why it took three hours to do all of that. Well, between more introductions, tangents, figuring out how to deal with each obstacle, and hilarity, we could only do so much.

The reason I project another one or two sessions is that the next trap is Minesweeper, followed by a teleportation trap, then another riddle door, and finally the loot room (which has a weird mirror, the “boss”, and a “you screwed up” encounter). Even without needing to introduce themselves, I doubt we’ll make it through any single trap in the span of an hour.

I’m stuck on the question of continued hilarity, though. See, Gimli has nothing left to fear in this dungeon besides conductivity (the Minesweeper trap is made up of lightning tiles). There isn’t anything in the dungeon that can set F aflame except (maybe) that trap, as well. Ronan’s player isn’t sure how to play up the kindergarten aspect (he’s trying admirably, but he’s clearly confused). Phillip, meanwhile, will want to try to take control of the dungeon’s final boss (a “coin dragon” -- a magical sword that telekinetically creates a dragon construct out of nearby coins and treasure), but that’ll take at least a session to get to and will require some passing of the buck. Or nickel. Whatever. Thankfully, the teleportation trap ties into the local fey (gremlins), though the gremlins didn’t make the trap (they just utilize it for shenanigans). I might be able to concoct some arbitrary suffering from them via F’s hatred of short people.

[stormbear]

A Guide To Getting An A&P

My work experience prior to Baker’s

My father had a unique way to get me to learn about cars. He wouldn’t let me get my driver’s license until I learned how to work on cars. And what better way to achieve that than buy a Triumph TR7 that didn’t run. I remember the day it was TOWED to the house. There was to be no driving in my future until that car was fully repaired. Six months later, after a teardown of the engine to replace the head gasket, replacement of the transmission, the rear end, and the drive shaft. Keeping the Zenith Stromberg updraft crabs synced was an ongoing nightmare and DO NOT get me started on Lucas electrical system, which must have been conceived during a Welsh Demon Summoning ritual that went awry.

At the time all of that turmoil was going on, I was working for the local FBO, getting all of my civil time in for when I go get my A&P. At the same time I earned a 2 year degree in electronics and that helped greatly when it came to take the writtens, oral and practical.

But.... life happened. Those halcyon days of working on airplanes ended 25 years ago. I had my time in but I had forgotten a lot of what I had learned via on-the-job training.

When 2018 rolled around, I wanted to go back and finally get my A&P. I saw two ads for A&P prep schools in Trade-A-Plane. I always grab a copy of TAP whenever I can and one ad was always there; Baker’s School Of Aeronautics. I cut it out and saved it. I remember seeing this ad for YEARS in TAP. When I started asking around, Baker’s kept getting highly recommended, especially by a very good friend of mine that got his A&P from there. For me, his recommendation and the ARMY of other graduates that swear by Baker’s, my decision was finalized - Baker’s it is!

My Baker’s Prep

Since it was such a long time since I have wrenched on a certified aircraft, I went whole hog on training materials. I used the King Schools video course which was excellent for me because it actually shows what the questions are pertaining to visually. I get a lot out of visual presentation.

I also used the test prep apps from Dauntless Aviation. The flash card feature is excellent. The apps have excellent descriptions for those of use that need that visual of “how it works.”

For the King Schools video, I didn’t bother with the sample tests, I only watched the videos. Same with the apps, I only used the flash card feature. As the instructors at Baker’s will tell you, ONLY consume the correct answers. Recognize the correct answers and ignore the wrong ones.

List Of Things Not To Do Before You Arrive At Baker’s

Don’t take sample tests or random tests.

Don’t use the time before Baker’s to slack off - you study.

Don’t think this will be easy, it won’t be.

List Of Things Not To Do After You Arrive At Baker’s

Don’t go to Nashville - you study.

Don’t take weekends off - you study.

Don’t fart around after classes - you study.

The staff is there to help you succeed. They are a great bunch of people who are actually dedicated to getting you an A&P certification (don’t call it a license ffs). Don’t fear the DME’s they are very helpful and are not there to make you fail. 

Study Groups

Once you are into the oral and practical portion of the course, have your ass in a study group every night. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. The act of asking each other questions is VITAL to succeeding with your orals. Nothing, no other study method can replace it. If you want to be the loner and study on your own, make sure you have the time off of work and the cash to stay a few extra weeks in Lebanon.

Money

No matter what you spend getting your certs, it will still be waaaay cheaper than a semester of college. That said, there are loads of ways to lower your costs before you get to Lebanon and while you are there.

Some hotels are more expensive than others. I stayed in both the Hampton Inn and the Holiday Inn Express and they both have their pros and cons. I can only speak about the other ones via word-of-mouth from my fellow students.

Hampton Inn

Pros

Nice accommodations

Big lobby to host study groups

Good breakfast

Free snack pack during the week (bottle of tea, granola bar, coffee cake and a piece of fruit.

Literally next door to the school so you might be able to do away with having a car.

Cons

It is the most expensive choice of the school’s recommended hotels.

Holiday Inn Express

Pros

Nice accommodations

Big lobby to host study groups

GREAT breakfast options - it has a CINNABON bar! 

It is very affordable

Cons

You will probably need to rent a car or budget for a lot of Uber rides.

Love Your Walmart

It will cost you a lot if you eat out for every meal. Go to Walmart and buy food that is easy to prepare with just a small refrigerator and microwave. One of my fellow students ate baloney sandwiches for his entire time there.

Aviation Museums

If you are fortunate to live near an aviation museum, do yourself a favor and get a season pass. I went damn near every week for three months to learn all I could about turbine engines. I took hundreds of reference photos and studied them for hours when I would get home. I never worked on one and had a lot to learn to get through the powerplant written test as well as the oral and practical.

My Tips

If you don’t have any knowledge about electricity or electronics, I suggest getting this, an electronic education kit (Amazon Link). It has 130 different experiments that will teach you everything you will need to know about the fundamentals that you will face on the writtens, the orals and the practicals. For only $35, it is a great deal.

If you are a turbine guy and are unfamiliar with the archaic technology called a carburetor, consider this Army educational film on YouTube. Here are some other helpful videos...

FADEC

Carbon Pile Voltage Regulator

Vibrating Point Voltage Regulator

Welding 101

Above and beyond all of the above, there was one thing that made me successful and that was flash cards. Not the flash cards from a software app, but actual notecards.

When I got the Oral and Practical book from Baker’s, I took each question, copied it by hand on the front of a notecard and put the answer in my own words on the back. I did this for most of the book for the questions I didn’t know like the back of my hand. When I wasn’t in group, I was going through this stack of cards, read each card and tried to answer. Once I did, I flipped it over to see if I got it or not. I would then place the card in a pile and move on to the card.

I did this over and over and over. Once I knew the card by heart, I would place it in a different pile and then continue on with the pile that I still didn’t know. I repeated this until I was left with no cards in my hands. I then repeated this up until the day I took my orals.

DO NOT QUIT

Of my class, only three zipped through everything on the first try. Most failed something; a written, part of the oral or the practical - me included. The powerplant written was a particular struggle due to my unfamiliarity of turbine engines.

Doing the prep work that I have suggested BEFORE you get to Baker’s will help you find success. If you don’t do the prep work and don’t put in the insane hours required to succeed, you can’t blame Baker’s. You have to do your job before they can do their’s.

Conclusion

Baker’s has a damn fine program to get you your certificate - best in the nation. Listen to your instructors. Work your ass off and you will get there.

[chrisbowler]

How to Recover When Things Get Overwhelming

There comes a time when your tasks and responsibilities will get out of hand. Despite your best efforts and disciplined approach, you suddenly find yourself with overflowing inboxes, tasks and notes scribbled out on paper, and a sense that you're not in control. Something will be missed or forgotten. This happens to all of us.

And this is when people feel their “system” is broken and they jump ship. This can come in the form of reverting to old habits and ways of doing things. Or you start looking for a new tool, system, or framework for managing your life.

But before you take either of those steps, there are a few things I’ve done that help me regain a sense of clarity on the current state of things … and where I want to go. And with clarity comes calm.

When I find myself falling behind, it’s not because I’m lazy or undisciplined. It’s because I’ve suddenly taken on something new or a specific project or area of my life has taken priority and other things have had to be ignored for a while. Which is fine —that’s how life works. But it can start to be stressful when my inbox is in the double digits for a week at a time.

When that happens, the following are ways I recover.

Let Yourself Off the Hook

First, I recognize that the guilt or stress I’m feeling is usually artificial and self-imposed. Yes, those recurring or scheduled tasks that are piling up are important to me. But very few of them have true hard deadlines and most scheduled tasks are there because of intention, not an expectation of someone else.

So when things get crazy, the first thing I do is recognize that whatever I’m spending my time is important enough to take priority over the other tasks I had thought I might get to.

There’s a tricky balance to be found here. Systems, habits, and routines are wonderful tools, but terrible masters. I’m in control — and every so often the system needs a reboot, not me.

And so I remove the expectation. In Things, I use the Today view the most. And when that count gets too high for too many days in a row, I select all the tasks there and clear the When field.

Make a Date With Yourself

Next, I review my calendar and find a time when I can take the time to sit down and take stock of things fully. This would often happen in my weekly review on Sunday evening. But there are times when I will do this mid-week if required.

I add a spot to my calendar, usually in the early morning or after the family is all in bed. I prefer this type of planning to be done when there’s minimal activity in Slack, email, and Basecamp.

Clear the Decks

Once I’m enjoying a moment of peace and quiet and have nothing else scheduled, I like to clear the decks. Just get everything out of my head, out of my inboxes, and any notecards or scribbles in my notebook. It’s a little like the process David Allen describes in the early stages of setting up GTD.

There’s been a building sense of stress and pending disaster and we want to shake out our pockets, so to speak.

For me, this process works best with paper. I start by listing out my areas of responsibility (this also works well with the different roles in your life), then listing out all the things that come to mind that I need to address. Not necessarily do, but be aware of, planned, or scheduled. Give yourself time for this process because it takes a bit for the mind to warm up and recall all the things that have been adding to that sense of stress.

Sometimes it’s good to walk around your home as a part of this process. Likely, many of the things that cause stress are little things that you notice as you go about your busy days. That bathroom faucet that is starting to leak. The recycling that is piling up in the carport. Filling out that form for your kid’s school trip. Little things — but it’s the little things that are always pre-pended with “I should get to that” in our inner dialogue that cause the stress. And when you’re barely getting enough time to stay on top of the highest priority items, it’s the little things that pile up and drive you crazy.

So clear the decks and get it all out. When finished, you can then process the results. Cancel projects or plans where you can. Document where necessary (not everything needs to be scheduled and some things just need to be documented so you can get it out of your head). And plan or schedule the rest.

Focus Again on the Routines

Once that is all complete, the last thing to do is once again focus on routines. Your regular activities (aka habits) are what make your system work. So if you frequently find yourself feeling that your system is failing you, maybe it is. This is also a good time to review the rhythms of your days and weeks.

I think about this stuff enough (too much?) that going through the above exercises gets me to a place where I feel calm and in control once more. I don’t usually need to make large changes. It’s enough to remind myself of the importance of developing habits and make any small tweaks that may be needed.

Sometimes the right answer is to look for new tools and techniques. But most of the time, the answer is to get out of the trenches and see things from the big view. If you bring old habits to new tools, you’ll just end up in the same place.

[oliveaba-blog]

I’ve been wanting to make Verbal Behavior notecards for a while. My supervisor for my clinic hours uses them in her practice/my first job, and she got the idea from “The Verbal Behavior Approach” by Dr. Mary Lynch Barbera. I’m told traditionally these cards are made with VB-MAPP goals, but my supervisor uses the ABLLS. I haven’t ever asked her why, but my guess is because the ABLLS is more specific. 

The idea behind this form of data collection is that you put targets on these cards and use them as permanent product data collection in your session. It makes orchestrating behavioral momentum ahead of time easy (I put three maintenance targets before a newer target). By minimizing the time you spend writing skill data down, it gives you a chance to go faster and keep the speed right for the kid. 

BCBAs who have been practicing for a while can usually keep the speed and document at the same time, but as a former RBT I can testify that juggling the behavior documentation and skill documentation is difficult. Permanent product recording just makes sense for newbies and oldies in the field.

Another benefit is easier error correction. I put the missed card in a second pile and present it after each new card till the client gets it right the first time it’s presented. Also, it keeps the clinician from falling into the trap of repeatedly targeting the same maintenance skills. When you have every mastered skill on it’s own card, you can’t be unintentionally biased. 

The idea behind these cards is that you color code based on skill. Dr. Barbera suggests certain colors in her book, but those aren’t hard rules. As Barbosa in Pirates of the Caribbean would say “They’re more like guidelines, anyway.”

I’ve decided to separate using the following color code:

Feature/Function/Class Cards: Purple

Tact Cards: White

Yellow: Intraverbals

Imitation: Green

Blue: Receptive Directions

As far as manding goes, that’s best targeted in NET (natural environment training). The typical pattern of my sessions includes a structured “table time” that includes puzzles, books, and the above mix of cards with built in pairing and NET training breaks. 

I should also mention, most clinicians build a deck of cards for each client special after the intake. I am choosing to make and organize cards for every applicable ABLLS target now that way if I need them they’re made and organized for me to pull for each client. 

I chose to get cards with a pre-hole punched ring even though that’s not required because I like the idea of storing them this way in the client’s materials. Simple to attach to a cloth bag. I have seen other people get the notecard organizers and tab each section of maintenance, new targets, maintenance tacts, and new tacts. However, sometimes my special friends like to swipe materials off the table. When that happens, I prefer they be on a ring as opposed to fly free. Less time to escape from task, that way.

This task would be appropriate to gain indirect hours for other people working on their 1500 or 2000!

[thegodthief]

Do Magick: Five Days and a Wakeup

The Objective: To use the Book of Oberon to summon and have communication (communion?) with a spirit that I have had dreams about for years.

The Research: The Book of Oberon (Harm, Clark, & Peterson), Gordon White's Rune Soup Grimoire Course, the Hygromanteia (Marathakis), Twilit Grotto: Archives of Western Esoterica, and the internet.

Where I am so far: Having compared the Book of Oberon's list of "The necessaries for this art of Necromancy"[1], Gordon White's "Provincial List", to what I can make and/or obtain in this short time, if the objective were to summon any other spirit, I would have given up the September 1st start date and probably the endeavor in general. To be short: I'm not giving up.

There is a reason the pseudonym for this spirit is "Patient Caller". From the beginning I recognized it/him as something external to my interior world, he has made it clear that it would take some sort of ceremonial magic to complete the connection. Something I have balked at for years because my emotional, mental, and sometimes physical wounds incurred from the decades of abuse by God-Fearing Men and Women in Christ's Holy Name had me wanting jacque shitte to do with anything even having the appearances of Christianity or with placing myself under the aegis of the Christian divinity(s).

Now having made the distinction between the people who hurt me and the religious banners they hid themselves in, I have been pushing back and challenging my fears. The Birto workings proved to me that I am capable of engaging Christianity-flavored ceremonial magic and enabled me to look further.

The entire time, it/he never ceased being "there". In my dreams and visions, there is always a giant book between us as a table and barrier. It/He is always obscured as if behind the screen of a confessional, or behind a ritual veil. And there is always a sense of "When you're ready, I'm here."

Because of that, I moving forward with the hope that if I can reach the "halfway point" across that divide, then Patient Caller will also meet me halfway. Obviously, I'm not going to have even a third of the "necessaries" even if I did take a whole year to prepare. Because I share a house with others, I don't have the luxury of a dedicated room for the sole use of workings. I have my personal room, and that's it.

An asthmatic in the house means incense and smoke is just not going to happen. Their ability to breathe trumps my foolishness. Mixed shifts means no loud noises. It's not a matter of having to choose between Perfect Timing and the Perfect Environment. It's about taking advantage of the best timing and environment I can get. For the resources and time that I have, however, I have enough to get myself into trouble. We shall see if it is enough to get out of trouble.

The Starting Equipment:

A rope or cord no less than 15' (≈4.6m) of length. A smaller cord no less than 3' (≈1m) of length.

A fragrant candle, with a votive or container that can be capped when not in use. The candle will not be lit, but will be warmed to release scent.

A white cotton shawl.

Knife with black handle, same as used in second attempt of the Birto working. To be honest, I'm not satisfied with it, but any attempts to replace it thus far has been met with an even greater dissatisfaction so it stays until something literally better comes along.

A hazel rod to be worked into a wand. (Detailed later in this post.)

Shewstone. (Also detailed later in this post.)

The Book of Oberon. (Required to be present by the ritual I intend to use.)

The Seal of Solomon. Even if it means drawing it by hand. Because reasons.

Cut notecards to mark the spirit's name for his circle.

Pen and paper to record notes during the working.

I know it is not "enough", but this is where I start, as I have faith that between the Book of Oberon, Patient Caller, and my observations, I am going to learn what is required, what is enough, and what is a detriment.

Magic happens when you're not looking. That phrase neatly summarizes the past seven days since I announced my participation. My active magic is based upon dreams, visions, and (dry) altered states. While my daily tarot divinations have been encouragingly boring, it is in the moments I'm not actively looking for information that I receive it in compact bursts.

My work commute is 45 miles each way, and when I'm lucky it's only that same number of minutes. (I am not always lucky, and leave accordingly.) During that drive, I have been experiencing epiphanies about what to do for the upcoming workings. They felt like someone was talking to me or telling me a story but I was too distracted by driving to catch the entire thread until the communication had ended. After which I would be able to recall the entire of the transmission, but unable to ask further questions.

I have a wand already. It has worked for me before and was the focus for some "adventures", but I did not want to dedicate it to any particular branch of magic. So the list entry for "Wand" was marked with "none".

While driving, I have a flashback to a time eight years ago, when a then close friend and I were up to (responsible) gathering shenanigans in the local hills and mountains. A hazel tree had been cut down on public land due to its uneven growth being a hazard. The local stewards were allowing folks to come collect what they wanted of the fallen tree as the less that remained for them to mulch meant the less they would have to pay for the disposal.

My friend wanted to collect as much as he could load up in his vehicle for staves, rods, and wands. I had gone to assist him and take a few for sending to my woo-minded friends. I had no intention of keeping any for myself. While the trunk of the tree was twisted and bowed, there were no small number of very long, nearly straight lengths. My friend suggested that if I was going to explore this "pagan thing" any further, I should keep a length of hazel rod for myself.

I have never forgotten my answer to him. "I wouldn't know what to do with it even if it hit me." I then pulled the next branch out of the debris pile for trimming. Of course, I pull a branch that was still connected to a bigger branch that was at the bottom of the pile. Moving this caused the entire pile to shift and tilt, throwing lighter branches and twigs every which way. Surrounded by flying trimmings and branches, all I could do was cover my face and duck.

I was struck upside the head with a long straight length of hazel that I grabbed before it could complete my humiliation by falling on my feet.

After my friend regained his composure from laughing so hard that he had to sit down, he made the soft and quiet suggestion that I should keep that rod in particular for myself. I did so, eventually placing it in a drawer and almost forgetting about it. Each time I did a purge of unnecessary things, I would look at the rod, hold it, remember how it "introduced itself", chuckle then put it back in the drawer for safekeeping. I had confidence that I would find a use for it "some day". I have come up with many ideas, but none of them were ever put into motion. The hazel rod remains in the same condition as it came to me.

After laughing at the flashback, road conditions required my full attention forward again. While "distracted", another "transmission" happened.

I saw myself holding the unmodified hazel rod in my right hand, upright, and with a severe look on my face even though my eyes were closed. There was a voice across a table from me, and that voice was instructing me what to do with the rod. The timing of the scene wasn't eight years in the past, or two weeks ago, but sometime in the near future. Sometime in the next three weeks.

I was left with the unshakeable conviction that this is what I had been saving that hazel rod for. Part of the instruction/conversation to be had is the refining of that rod.

When I performed the Birto working, I had a small dragon statue to serve as his "horse". During the first working, Birto seemed to project from the statue as if it was a lens. During the second working, he did not emanate from the statue itself, but the statue served as something I could mentally focus on until he made himself known via other means. I wanted to carry this over to this new ritual.

The ritual that Birto pointed me to calls for "... this spirit N. to come speedily, and to appear visibly here in a circle for him made and prepared with his name written therein, and that in a fair human shape and form, even like a child of three years of age, without the molestation of the air or hurting of any creature bearing life, annoying of beasts, or fearing of me or any of my fellows..." (The Book of Oberon. "A conjuration most necessary to the angels of each day to the obtaining of any spirit thou callest" Pages 236-239)

While I already have the cord and trimmed cards for N's Patient Caller's circle, I still didn't feel comfortable. Something felt missing. I needed a physical focus for myself, and that focus needed to be something that I could give over to Patient Caller for his exclusive use if needed.

I do have a small collection of baubles, crystals, and stones (Less than 20 even!), but they all had other uses already and could not be sacrificed for exclusivity. The idea would not leave me. In my meditations, I would visualize myself seated at the table preparing to perform the ritual. During those meditations, I would ask the embodiment of the Book of Oberon what substitutions could I make to fit my present circumstances.

It was in those meditations that the idea of a dedicated large white cotton shawl in lieu of full white clothing came about. (Clothes shopping when you are not a size naught is not always as straightforward as retailers would have you believe, online or not.) An interior conversation about how to share fragrance in a manner that could be quickly ceased should the asthmatic in the house have a negative reaction is what led to the choice of a scented candle in a lidded container.

During one of those meditations, she asked me which was more important for the physical focus: Form or function. She noted that in the limited time I had available, I could either purchase something that looked right for the job, made a neat display piece that I could show off to others, but may not have the right properties to work as I needed it to because it had been fashioned for a different purpose, or I could get something that Just Worked™, but would likely look like shit and add to the long list of reasons why my detractors declare loudly that I'm making things up.

I'll take function, please. I can always dress up the item if I want to impress people. Which I don't. I was reminded of a local rock and gem shop that I try to avoid because of the damages it can make on my budget. It was a random dice roll of an endeavor, but this is the last weekend for driving significant distances to obtain items in person.

The damage to my budget was well within what I was prepared to pay. So much so, that I wound up with two shewstones that met my requirements. Both are rough pieces (looked like shit), but both had one side that was polished flat and clear (met the function). One is a large thumbnail sized piece of amber and the other is a small piece of rutilated quartz that fits comfortably in the hand when the clear flat side is turned towards me.

Neither is required by the ritual. It just may be that my Patient Caller rejects both. I won't know until I find out.

Speaking of the ritual, here is what I have assembled thus far:

Preparation: Acquisition and consecration of tools as necessary prior to actual working. (See also: Activating Solomon's Seal for personal use during the eclipse.)

Circle: [Need: Preparation of the space(s) where the circles will be laid down using rope/cord.] Regardless of the use of a shewstone in the spirit's circle, his name (already revealed to me by Birto) must be written within it.

Consecration: [Need: Consecration of the Operation and the Circle(s).] Consecration of the Tools: "[T]o consecrate all instruments" or "Another prayer". (See the Book of Oberon, page 83[2].)

Invocation: Recite Psalm 54. Recite the appropriate prayer to the Intelligence of the Day (Planetary Day Prayer).

Evocation: "A conjuration most necessary to the angels of each day to the obtaining of any spirit thou callest" (See Book of Oberon, pages 236-239[3].)

Binding: (Included in above ritual.)

License to Depart: Based on Birto ritual. (See Book of Oberon, page 400[4].) Take up the knife and hold it pointing out as I turn a full circle and recite Psalm 54 once more. "Cut" the circle boundary with the knife and proceed with life.

Here follows referenced quotes from the Book of Oberon. It is suggested that you get something to drink and take care of personal business before you read because here lies very many words.

[1]"The necessaries for this art of Necromancy"

First have faith in God, acknowledge him to be almighty, call for his help, lean upon his sufferance, do work of charity, use abstinence, confess thy sins, repent truly, and transport thyself to a better kind or shape, and fulfill enerirnell, and keep observations.

Then provide an honest consecrated priest, three honest associates, books, vellum, standish, circle, palm crosses, sticks, a knife with a white haft, a black goat's horn, a sword, a scepter, two rings, one of copper, another of silver gilt, in the one must be written Tetragrammaton, in the other words to please the spirit, a rod of correction, the lamina, the principal's crown, a crown of virgin parchment for every of the associates, ink to write orderly prepared, Solomon's pentacle, Solomon's seals, seven planets, and their characters, oils, powders, blood, chalk, pens, suffumigations, a copper needle, vestment, albs, stole, fannell, glove, garments white, candles, coals, censer, holy water bucket, sprinkle, water, salt, tewisons, defensatives viz. or protections, silk to cover the lamina, sede maiestatis dei ["the seat of the majesty of god", and a cover for the same, a cover for every one of the seven planets, spices or odors for the same, a table, a tablecloth, a chair for the master, stoles for the associates, two white candlesticks, four evangelists, ashes made of a palm stick hallowed on Palm Sunday, the plat of copper having thereon pictures the spirits, suffumigations for the angels, suffumigations to please the spirit, suffumigations to urge the spirit a body, ordures for the excommunication, etc.

(The Book of Oberon, pages 290-291. Red text as same in book.)

[2]"[T]o consecrate all instruments"

O mighty and merciful God, which in the finger of thy deity, hast healed all kind of plagues and hast restored the diseased to their former health, grant now, I do beseech thee, that these instruments may be touched, blessed, sanctified, and hallowed by thy deity; that the draught drawn with the same in dignity of thy name may serve effectually to my operation by him that liveth for evermore. Amen.

"Another prayer"

O God, hear us in thy righteousness and vouchsafe of thy holiness of thy Godhead to consecrate, bless, and sanctify all these kind of instruments, that there remain no occasion of evil nor unholiness in them, but that they may be profitable, wholesome, and healthful to us and our work, for the merits of Christ Jesus ✝ Amen.

(The Book of Oberon, page 83.)

[3]"A conjuration most necessary to the angels of each day to the obtaining of any spirit thou callest"

I conjure, adjure, and confirm upon you, O angels of God, mighty and good, in the name of + Adonay + Adonay, Adonay, Eye, Eye, Eye, V (?). God was, God is, and God shall be, and in the name of God, Cados, Cados, Cados, high sitting upon Cherubim, and by the great name of the strong God, high and mighty above all heavens, Eye, Saraye, the shaper of worlds, the Creator of heaven, earth, sea, and hell, and all in them that hath any being, O holy angels, I conjure and invocate you by him whose name is Jehovahh, that made the first day and sealed it with his own name Phaa, and by him which appeared in the Mount Sinai to Moses the great prophet and leader of his people Israel, whose name is Achim, Ia, and that with great glory, who made the waters, seas, floods, springs, wells, and fountains the second day, and sealed them with his own name I. that they should not pass their straits and bounds. I conjure and confirm upon you Angels mighty and holy, and that by the names of that high God, that made the third day from the water to appear dry land and called it the land, and sealed it with his own name I that it should bring forth trees and herbs of itself. I conjure you mighty angels, holy and of great power, in the name of the dreadful and blessed Ia, Adonay Eloim, Saday, Asarie, and in the name of Adonay God of Israel, that created great lights to divide the day from the night the fourth day and sealed it with his own name Phaa, that it should be unto times and tides, nights and days. I conjure you, O holy angels, by the mighty Escherie, the confirmer of worlds and by the name Adonay, that on the fifth day created fishes and all other creeping things in the waters, birds flying upon the face of the earth, and sealed it with his own name, Phaa. I conjure you, angels of great power in the name, On, Hey, Heya, Saday, and in the name Saday, that created all four-footed beasts and men in the sixth day and gave to Adam power upon them and upon all the works of his hands. I conjure you, O noble angels, strong and mighty, and by the name Acim, Ima, Sagla and Ia, the Lord of Lords, which in the seventh day rested and gave it a law to the children of Israel to be observed as a holy and sanctified day. I conjure and exorcise you, O angels of great power, by the seven notable, coruscant, and splendishing stars, the Sun, the Moon, Mars, Mercury, Jupiter, Venus, Saturn, and by the great name of God, Tetragrammaton, the mighty name Agla, the wonderful name Adonay, the strong name, El, and the name On, names of singular majesty, O angels, by all these and all others most reverent and high names of God both effable and ineffable, known and unknown, which I, by reason of mine imbecility and weakness, dare not to attempt as once to be so hardy to name nor excogitate, by these iterum atque iterum, again and again and so many times again as there be stars in the sky, sands on the shores, fishes in the sea, and grasses upon the face of the earth, I conjure and adjure, urge and constrain, confirm and compel, bid and command you and every of you, one and all, jointly and severally, to give and yield unto me, as now in this perilous work your strengths and aid, and that you command by and under the license of your God whose messengers to serve you, you [sic] are, that as certainly as thou, O Michael, art appointed to ☉ to protect and govern the people of God, and that by invincible strength, as true as thou, O Raphael, was attributed ad Tobie, ☿ ut parentum Sanaret, ex periculis liberat filium, et ei uxorem suam adduxerit [“to Tobiah, ☿ that he cure his parent, free his son from danger, and lead his wife to him”], as assuredly as thou O Gabriel, wast appointed the most joyful ambassador to the most pure, holy, and chaste Virgin Mary, virgo ante partum in partu et post partum [“a virgin before giving birth and after giving birth”], and greeting her with this undoubted salutation, Ave gratia plena Dominus tecum [“Hail Mary, full of grace; the Lord is with you”], and as Daniel received consolation from his God by thee, and Zacharie pater Iohanes Baptiste [“the father of John the Baptist”] for his incredulity and undoubtedly, O you holy, mighty, and excellent angels, I beseech and pray you, yea, and I in the name of your God whose spirits you are, I do charge and command you that you and every one of you licence and permit all superior spirits and devils, to compel, urge, and command this spirit N. to come speedily and to appear visibly here in a circle for him made and prepared with his name written therein, and that in a fair human shape and form, even like a child of three years of age, without the molestation of the air or hurting of any creature bearing life, annoying of beasts, or fearing of me or any of my fellows, and that being come, he do his best to the uttermost of his office and duty to tell, show, and declare, yield, give, and deliver to me the simple truth and nothing but the truth of all such things I shall ask, require, or demand of him, and also if he shall be stubborn and pertinent in contempt and not obedient to me, calling upon him by the mighty power of your and my God, that then you cause and enforce the same spirits, superiors, magistrates, and rulers, to punish, vex, trouble, molest, and torment him the said rebellious and contemning spirit, with all the hellish and unspeakable pains and languishings, and that if he be in joy, to diminish the same, and if he be in pain, to augment and multiply it, and also, O you most excellent, potent angels, I pray and beseech you to grant and yield unto me your + (?) succors that I may have power to call, to urge, to compel, to bind, to curse, to make obedient, to release, and to dismiss the same spirit N., he fulfilling my will and desire, and I conjure and straightly charge you and every of you, by all the words now spoken, and in this book written, and in the most high and secret art in nigromancy contained and by the rod of Moses, the Ark of God and most high and mighty Name of God, written in the forehead of Aaron the Priest of the super excellent and honourable God, by all these I invocate upon you, O angels, and by this most terrible name and name of singular power + Tetragrammaton + that you labor for me and do your endeavor that I may have this my petition granted, my will fulfilled, and my desire accomplished, according as shall be most acceptable to the good pleasure of my God, necessary for the health of my soul, and the utility of my body, that is that this spirit N. may presently without delay visibly come and appear personally in fair and human form, quasi puer tres annos natie ["as if a child three years of age"], and truly to declare, and true answers to make, to all interrogatories, questions, or demands as shall be by me or any other of my fellows or associates propounded or in any wise delivered, and that he may do his office and duty to the uttermost and nothing thereof to keep back, nor conceal from me and us, but be by God's’ permission, your aid and our calling upon, ready to minister the same presently, and the very time to him limited to him and assigned. This grant Good Lord God who livest and reignest in glory sempiterne without beginning and without ending, now and forever, for thy dear son’s sake Jesus Christ, the everlasting and true word, the Immaculate Lamb, the saviour of mankind, and the most just judge, to whom together with the Holy Spirit sanctifier of all the elects, be praise and glory. Amen, Amen.

O Angeli supradicti, estote adiutores mee petitionis et [in] adiutorium mihi in meis rebus et petitionius. O vos Angeli omnes, adiuro contestor, per sedem Adonay, per Agios Otheos, Iskyros, Athanatos, Paracletos, Alpha, et Omega, et per hac tria nomina secreta + Agla + On + Tetragrammaton + quod hodie deb[e]atis, adimplere quod cupio.O angels spoken of before, be my helpers in these petitions, and help me in my affairs and petitions. O all you angels, I adjure and appeal to you, by the seat of Adonay, by Agios Otheos, Iskyros, Athanatos, Paraclete, Alpha and Omega, and by these three secret names + Agla + On + Tetragrammaton + that this day you might fulfill what I desire.

(The Book of Oberon, page 236-239. Red text and emphasis in original text.)

[4]O [N.], by all the words that I have spoken, and by the same virtue that thou didst come hither at this presence unto me, I command and charge thee to depart in peace, and rest with thy God, and be ready to come unto me another time when I shall call thee by the virtue of our Lord Jesus Christ, to whom be all honour, power, and glory for ever and ever. Amen.”

(Based on the Book of Oberon, page 400. Red text in original text.)

Here ends all the quotations. And if I have to <span style="color: red;"></span anything else, I'm gonna see red.

[ecfandom]

Yes please, I'd love some advice. -anxiety anon

Okay, babe, no problem. Firstly, take a second to let it sink in that I know you’re gay and I validate you and I support you and I appreciate you. So you’re not alone in this. Even if you’re anonymous, I’m still thinking about you and supporting you and believe in you. That’s the first step. Know you’re not alone, and that I’m here and we as a community are here, rooting for you. 

Secondly, is it safe to be lgbt+ in your community? If so, one thing you may want to do is look into a therapist, even if it’s just your school’s counselor (if you are school age). With a trusted professional, you can start working towards coming out to them and know that they are required by law to keep that private. Sometimes, all you need is one person in your life to know to help alleviate the extreme burden. 

But if you’re out of school and/or don’t have insurance, I now this can be impossible. That’s okay, there’s still a lot you can do to help yourself. Like I just told the anon before you about their gender identity, one of the most important and invaluable steps to take is towards getting your mind on your side. Our mind is extremely powerful and you can train it. You can teach it how to love yourself, how to support yourself, how to make it your best friend. That’s going to be a big part of finding relief. To do this, start writing every morning. Even if it’s just one page, preferably handwritten, take 10-20 minutes to write down your feelings. Be your own best friend. Take the time to check in on yourself. And if you’re not doing so hot, reassure yourself. Be the friend to yourself that you would be if someone came to you and was having a tough time. I know that it seems weird and will seem weird at first, but you’ll just have to trust me. Learning to get in touch with yourself and comfort yourself will save you a world of pain. 

Also, work on building your self-love and self-confidence within. It can feel extremely suffocating and deprecating to not feel like you can be true to yourself and to not feel like you’re living authentically. But part of the problem of our current society is that it so so obsessed with external validation. We as a society are obsessed with what others think of us. And even if we think we are self-confident, there’s nothing like the gratification we get from other people noticing us. Which, to a certain extent, is not bad. In face, it’s important from time to time to know that we have people supporting us. But your number one support system can and should start with YOU. One way to start building yourself up from the inside out is to say affirmations. I like to get some colorful note cards and write down affirmations on them and go through them like flash cards. They’re really the best. They literally become like pocket cheerleaders. Feeling panicky? Feeling bad? Feeling sad? You can pull out your notecards and have a whole pile of awesome things about yourself right there in your hands. It may take some time to start believing them as you read them, but that’s okay. That’s normal. Just keep reading them. The best part about your mind is that you can trick it! Even if you don’t feel like the coolest person on the planet (you are) you can tell your brain that you are enough times and it will start to believe you! As it should, because you are the coolest person ever. Here is my favorite place for affirmation ideas: http://www.louisehay.com/affirmations/. This will really start to help if you stick with them. Also the process of making them can be really fun. You can get gel pens, stickers, glitter, all sorts of neat stuff to make them your own, special thing. Or you can just print off the ones you like from websites.  I found this too: https://www.pride.com/pride/2017/6/09/9-affirmations-will-help-encourage-your-queer-soul

Next, it’s important to know how to deal with panic and anxiety when attacks come up. There are tons of resources online, but a good thing to start with is learning how to belly breathe: http://www.wikihow.com/Do-Abdominal-Breathing. Also keep in mind, the key to regaining control over your breathing if you’re hyperventilating is to remember to exhale! I also like to look at this when I feel my anxiety ramping up: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wdbbtgf05Ek

But that really just acts as a bandaid rather than preventing them in the first place. The best way that I know of is to work on myself from the inside out. Work on becoming my own best friend and loving myself. No one will ever love you better than you love yourself. There will be people who come very close, but you will always be your number one fan. Sometimes it takes just a little bit of training. Give some of this stuff a shot and let me know how you’re doing. I’ll be thinking about you and cheering for you!