#i camped out in the kitchen for three days with her

[blondejellykitty]

₊♡ ˚⊹ tell me that you love me ₊♡ ˚⊹

୨୧ annabeth chase x reader ୨୧ Spending christmas with your fellow demigods vs spending christmas with a bunch of mortals you don't really know. The choice is obvious but when your girlfriend invites you to spend christmas with her family, your not one to say no to her. a/n: (1.03k words) merry christmas and happy holidays 🩷

Picking at the seams of your sleeve wasn't the most productive thing you could be doing. Realistically you knew the longer you stood here the later you would be. A part of you wondered if anyone would mind if you didn't show up at all. Annabeth would, she was the one who wanted you there after all.

She'd made progress with her dad during the last war. Now going so far as to spending the seasonal breaks with him and his family. It'd been quite a while since then, a whole other war had been and gone. But this year was different, this holiday was different. She'd once again been invited to come home for the Christmas holiday, even if it was a bit ironic for her to be celebrating. It was still a good time to get the family all together.

However, when she asked you what your plans for the festive season were. She promptly asked you to join her and her family for christmas. It wasn't the most outrageous thing, people ask their significant ones to family get togethers all the time. It's just you'd never met them before not to mention she'd have to tell them she was in fact dating someone before said day. But she'd promised it wasn't that big of a deal. Just another day you two would get to spend with each other.

But now you stood anxiously fiddling with your hand across the street from her family home. What if they hate you and they take it out on her? Or worse you make a complete fool out of yourself. Your mind spun quick and fast of every possible outcome of error. A small part of you knew you were being ridiculous but the longer you kept thinking the smaller the voice of reason became.

The thought of Annabeth sitting by herself waiting for you helped you return to reality. You'd briefly mentioned your worries of messing up such an important day for her. Reliving the memory of her warm smile and kind grey eyes you felt the floor move underneath you. Walking closer towards the brown wooden door.

The sound of the doorbell rang through the home and its lighthearted joy eased you. The door widened and a grinning annabeth stood, she was wearing an otherwise horrid festive sweater but on her it seemed to brighten her eyes. Her curly hair was pulled into a ponytail with what looked like tinsel, a few blonde strands falling out around her face.

"I was starting to think you weren't coming" she whispered as you took off your shoes and placed them neatly next to hers.

"I wouldn't leave you alone on christmas, what kind of girlfriend would i be then?" You reached out to grab her hand, the nerves somewhat vanishing behind the light that was her.

She hummed in agreement before pushing you towards the living room where the rest of her family was scattered around. There was an archway leading off to the kitchen where a woman was rushing things in and out of the oven all while talking to an elderly woman who sat at the kitchen bench.

There were two double doors leading out to the backyard, closed for warmth but you could make out two younger boys running around with a shaggy dog.

The living room had a large tv and big couches with enough room for more than the people inside. You could see a man sitting on an otherwise empty couch, you knew from what annabeth had told you that that was her father.

Of the people standing they seemed to be either his or his wife's parents and siblings. One man stood talking to three others, seemingly keeping them thoroughly entertained; he looked much like Annabeth's father so probably his brother.

It was almost overwhelming the aura of the place. A weight of warmth and chatter was foreign to you. Sure camp half blood had holidays but nothing like this. It was a feeling you couldn't quite describe somewhere between the warmth of a hug and the fading feeling of a cold touch.

Annabeth squeezed your hand. You must've stood there a little too long. She guided you toward the couch her father was sat at. Two seat empty just for the pair of you.

"Ah, so you must be the one Annie has told me about" The man had a warm tone but you could see the way he analyzed you for any threat. You always thought Annabeth's calculating stare was inherited by her mother but as you sat on her father's couch less than a meter from him you realize it was a copy of his.

"Yes sir, that would be me. It's a pleasure to meet you... sir" You fumbled towards the end, silently kicking yourself for not having practiced being respectful to Mr D before you left.

Waiting anxiously for his reply, all he did was shake his head with a smile.

"No need to call me that, makes me feel a hundred" He chuckled more to himself than to anyone "Besides your here for christmas that makes you family"

You felt your mind melt a bit but you managed to thank him profusely before he got up to 'make sure the twins aren't killing each other'. You turned to Annabeth who was leaning back into the couch with a carefree air around her.

"Did you hear what he just said?" You leaned back to whisper to her. All she did was arch her eyebrow questioningly at you.

"He called me family" You elaborated.

She patted you knee and you followed her lead and rested your legs over her lap and she sat with her head facing you.

"So? You are. I told you I loved you, what else would that make you?" She said it so easily it made your heart stagger.

"I dunno, well informed friend perhaps" She laughed her head hitting the couch softly.

You knew she'd gotten you a present she'd been talking about all month. But hearing her unfiltered laugh knowing that the reason for her smile was something you said was the best present anyone had ever given you.

[daisychainsandbowties]

*soft but firm ksss ksss ksss noise to lure you in like the frightened kitten you are*

have a video of my cat because this is a pretty good impression of me 😌😌

[jlheon]

౨ৎ — who ru ? (lhs)

pairing. situationship! lee heeseung x fem! reader synopsis. enha try to figure you out genre. fluff & est. relationship at end wc. 2069 notes. ft. enhypen library.

none of heeseung’s members knew your name. 

which was ironic since they saw you nearly every day off they had. usually passing by heeseung’s slightly ajar door and taking a double take after seeing a female figure, then realizing it's just you, and wondering if you were heeseung's girl-friend or girlfriend.

they had grown used to your presence in the almost six months of you constantly around their home. yet nobody could ever figure out your name and who you were. 

despite running into you in the dorms multiple times none of the six had ever muttered anything more than a mere ‘hi’ or ‘sorry’ while passing. 

they always saw you around the dorms at least two times a week. though never once did they recall seeing you enter or leave. their eldest never brought you up, feeding into the idea you were some imaginary person.

heeseung was good at everything, including sneaking you in and out.

all of them being scared to say anything to you. acting like your identity was classified when they could just ask heeseung or you who you were.

but of course, riki loved to make anything and everything into a competition. 

after betting with his hyungs’ on who could figure out your name first, he spotted you in the house, residing in heeseung’s lap while he did some work on his computer. face buried in his neck while he typed away. 

riki camped out in the bathroom, with the door open, pretending to be cleaning the mirror. scrubbing the same corner repeatedly for almost ten minutes, waiting for you to use the bathroom. surely you would need to get up soon.

when he concluded that he couldn’t clean the mirror forever, he picked up his toothbrush and brushed his teeth. 

after brushing his teeth for a solid three minutes his plan was finally set into action. 

“hi riki,” you knocked on the open door. “how long do you need to brush your teeth for?”

“howdoyouknowmyname-” he spit out the toothpaste in shock. 

“riki, i’m here all the time,” you replied. “and you’re also a famous idol.”

“oh yeah..” he wiped his face with a towel from the counter. “why don’t i know your name though.”

“you’ve never asked,” you shrugged your shoulders at the younger boy covered in toothpaste. “do you mind if i wash my face, i think you’ve brushed your teeth thoroughly enough.”

“yeah of course,” riki set his toothbrush back in its holder and moved towards the door.

“you missed a spot by the way,” pointing to your chin to show where the toothpaste was left on him, lightly shutting the door.

riki’s plan had failed. 

the next to try and talk to you was jake.

he was confident that he could get your name out if you. maybe he’d even be good enough to figure out if you were heeseung’s girlfriend or not.

it was the day after riki had run into you in the bathroom. since it was their break before the long comeback season jake knew that you would probably be sleeping over. giving him the perfect opportunity to ask heeseung and you if you both wanted to eat ramen with him.

once the time on his phone read 11:15 he knocked on heeseung’s door.

“come in,”

“hi,” jake opened the door. “i was wondering if you wanted ramen, her too..”

this was perfect. surely heeseung would call you by name when he asked if you were hungry. everyone would owe him dinner for the week.

you and heeseung were on his bed. you cuddled up into his side while you both watched tiktoks on his phone. 

“baby are you hungry?” heeseung leaned down next to your ear. 

baby was not your name. jake frowned.

“no i’m okay hee,” you mumbled. “you can go eat though.”

he kissed your forehead before getting up from his bed to follow jake to the kitchen. 

jake’s plan had also failed, but the fact heeseung had called you a pet name gave him some idea that you weren't just a friend.

the uprise of interactions with the members confused you. they went from running away from you and avoiding looking at you every time you were within six feet of them to constantly seeking you and heeseung out. though it relieved you in a way since you were convinced that heeseung had strictly told them to act as if you didn't exist in the months you had spent together.

you and heeseung were in fact not an item, even though you both wished you were. you've known him since his nerdy bowl cut days in middle school, you weren't close before but after running into you years later that changed.

you knew that he had become an idol, it was hard not to notice when you saw his face on ads. never listening to his group but being able to recognize him if you were asked.

one day when you were on shift, at your then job as a barista at a small place. you had recognized him as you took his order. you didn't want to sound like an obsessed fan if he didn't remember you, so you simply bit your tongue the entire time. he had decided to tip you for bringing him his drink, which made you even more on edge when he left a stray napkin on his table with his number.

after that incident it was clear he recognized you from school, which was more worrying than relieving as he started to show up to your work even more.

eventually, his visiting you at work was not ideal anymore as he stuck out like a sore thumb with how tall he was paired with the black mask and sunglasses he never dared to take off.

alas, he had asked you to hangout somewhere else. now you no longer worked at that cafe and spent all of your free time off from classes being snuck into a kpop boy-group dorm to hang out with a boy who acted like your boyfriend but wasn't. awesome!

after your first encounters with riki and jake everyone followed after.

jay came in to ask if you had any allergies because he was making some lunch, again heeseung addressed you as anything but your real name.

two days later sunoo had sat down next to you on the living room couch and offered you a face mask. you nodded and you guys spent an hour together as heeseung and jay were gone filming for a variety show. right as sunoo was finally confident you guys were casual enough to ask you for your name heeseung walked in.

you jumped up from the couch making your way over and throwing yourself at him. holding onto him like a koala when he picked you up. he greeted sunoo, and brought you all the way to his room. shutting the door behind him.

you didn’t even get the chance to thank sunoo for hanging out with you.

within the same hour jungwon had barged into heeseung’s room, the door banging against the wall. 

“jungwon what the hell!” heeseung scolded, though keeping his voice at a whisper. “don’t you know to knock?”

“this is me exercising my leader privileges,” jungwon crossed his arms and fixed his posture.

“you could have woken her up..” heeseung stroked your hair, as you laid passed out on his chest.

“woken who up?” jungwon said mischievously, heeseung had to say your name now. 

“don’t act dumb, you can literally see her sleeping.” heeseung deadpanned. 

you started to shuffle in your sleep, beginning to wake up. 

“hee?” you grumbled. 

“it’s nothing, baby,” he answered. “just go back to sleep.”

heeseung sent jungwon a glare, shooing him out of the room. so much privacy for having only single room.

right when you thought it was over, it was finally sunghoon’s turn to figure you out. he contemplated creating a list of names that you kind of looked like and just shouting them throughout the house until you answered to one.

but after hearing jungwon explain how heeseung looked like he was about to chase him out of the dorm onto the street after he woke you up, sunghoon decided against his original idea.

he was sat on his bed for almost an hour thinking about what he could do. 

he concluded he should just be straightforward and ask you already. why hadn’t anyone else just asked you?

he let out a horrendous evil laugh that sunoo had given him a weird look for as sunghoon thought about how his plan was foolproof. he was about to be picking dinner every night for everyone.

sunghoon created a list in his head from what he gathered from all the other boys' failed attempts :

knock LIGHTLY on the door

make sure he is not interrupting anything

ask you NOT heeseung

get that free dinner

he waited for everyone to get to their rooms after dinner to make his way to the eldest’s room. you surely couldn’t have possibly fallen asleep yet as the sun had only just set. using his right hand, he softly knocked on the door. heeseung opened the door enough to show you sitting at his desk. 

“hoon?” heeseung questioned.

“i have a question.” sunghoon said firmly, keeping his chin up high, making himself look cocky in the process.

“shoot,” heeseung replied dryly, yawning at the end of his sentence.

“not for you,” sunghoon recalled the list floating around in his head, he pointed at you. “for her.”

overhearing their exchange, you took your attention away from the game you were playing on heeseung’s computer and spun the chair towards sunghoon. heeseung had no choice but to move aside and let the boy in as you had already taken note of his presence. 

“what’s your name? oh, and are you heeseung’s girlfriend?” he smiled, fist-bumping himself in his head as he finally did what the others couldn’t.

“i’m ____,” you grinned, finally happy someone had asked you directly like you and heeseung were hoping for. “i don’t know about the girlfriend part though.”

“____ i swear i was just about to talk to you about that soon-”

“i’m kidding hee!” you giggled. “i don’t understand why it took you guys so long, i’m always here.”

“i don’t know either,” heeseung agreed.  

“yeah right. you strictly told us not to look at her the first time jake caught her inside the dorm,” jay said as he walked into the room. 

one by one the rest of the group filtered into the room. sunghoon gives a whole speech about how he is truly the smartest and the first thing he wants for dinner is steak. which was nothing different from the usual but he was happy that he got to decide. the whole group talked for a few hours in heeseung’s bedroom.

once heeseung saw you yawn he quickly got up and ushered all the guys to get out as you were tired. while he was busy forcing riki to leave you collapsed on his bed and waited for him to join you.

“so girlfriend huh?” you teased as he climbed into the empty spot next to you. 

he scratched the back of his head with a nervous laugh before turning off the lamp on his bedside table. when the lights were off and you could barely make out each other's faces in the dark he spoke up.

“can i be your boyfriend?” he asked, his voice dripping with gentleness. he snuck an arm under your head and pulled you towards his chest.

“i mean i guess so,” you joked, causing heeseung to tickle your sides. 

you squirmed in his grip trying to bite him until he finally gave it a rest. 

you tilted your head up towards his trying to find his lips to give him a short kiss. ultimately missing due to the darkness and kissing his chin instead. the both of you giggled. heeseung then used his free hand to trace around your face to find your lips, bringing his head down to finally connect your lips to his.

the last thing you remembered before drifting off was the sound of heeseung lulling you to sleep with a song he had been working on for their upcoming album.

[traveler-at-heart]

Doctor's In - Part 6

Summary: Your relationship with Wanda is put to the test when someone from her past stops by.

Wanda Maximoff x F!R

You’re an adult. You’re an adult.

You have to tell yourself over and over again, because it’s been forever since you’ve been to the movies and the popcorn smells delicious, the candy assorment is incredible and you want to buy it all.

“Can we get nachos too?” Tommy says and your mouth waters.

“Oh my God, nachos”

By the time you join Billy and Wanda at the theater, you’re carrying two buckets of popcorn, four sodas, nachos and gummies.

“You are never getting the food for movie night again” Wanda glares, thinking about the sugar high she’ll have to deal with if the twins actually eat everything.

“Babe, it’s ok. I’ll eat everything before the kids can” you joke. Wanda rolls her eyes and you keep your promise, checking that they’re not gulfing down everything before the movie starts.

Ever since you told the kids about you two, you’ve tried to make time for at least one family day as you call it, every week. So, today they wanted to see Inside Out 2 (after making you watch the first one) and you were happy to comply.

Wanda has to stop herself from laughing at the way you react to the movie. You make the same faces and noises as her two children, laughing especially hard at the scene where Anger attacks Pouchy.

“I’m so full” Billy complains.

“Me too” Tommy says.

“Me three” you join, making them laugh.

“Whose fault is that?” Wanda says, playfully pinching your side and you smile.

“Sorry, love. Next time we’ll just get the popcorn”

Walking around the mall, you decide to take them to the arcade so they can exhaust themselves playing.

“Nothing with guns” Wanda warns in her stern mom voice.

“Come on, you two against me on foosball” you challenge, a hand behind your back to make it seem like it’s the easiest thing in the world to play against them. Still, you tie and on the last ball, you’re about to score when you feel Wanda’s hands on your face, making you turn to kiss her.

Her lips are soft and she looks so gorgeous, you melt against the contact, forgetting the game.

“Not fair” you say when you realise you lost the last point. Wanda laughs against your lips when you kiss her again, while the boys go play air hockey.

Once they’ve spent enough time exhausting themselves, you decide to head back home.

“Teeth and pajamas” Wanda says to the kids as they go up the stairs.

“What about me?” you follow her to the kitchen, cornering her against the counter. “Can I get a little sweet treat before bed?”

“And what would that sweet treat be?”

“You”

Wanda’s eyes darken, remembering how you ate her out right in this spot a few weeks ago.

“But you were a bit naughty, getting all that candy” she teases, turning her face when you lean forward to kiss her. “You’ve had enough sweets for the day, don’t want you getting cavities”

“Just one more, I promise” you plead, hand going behind her to cup her ass through her jeans.

She finally gives in to your advances, initiating a sensual kiss that makes you weak in the knees.

“Mom, I was ready for bed first!” Tommy shouts from upstairs, because they’re always making it a competition.

“Do they happen to go to summer camp? Winter camp? Anything camp?” you joke as she breaks the kiss, laughing.

“Come on” she leads you upstairs, where you usually lean against the doorway as Wanda tucks them in.

There, you see with adoration as Wanda makes sure they’re all set for the night, kissing their foreheads and whispering something in Sokovian. You know by the sounds of the room that sometimes they stay up after that, but they’re just talking to each other while they feel tired enough to sleep.

Once you’re at Wanda’s room, you sit in her bed, because the favorite part of this little routine is watching her while she’s in front of the mirror of her dresser. First, she takes off her jewelry, then the very light makeup she usually has and at the end, Wanda applies some skincare product because she insists there are wrinkles around her eyes that make her feel old. Even if she doesn’t tell you, Wanda enjoys how you take in every little movement she makes, and the look of complete love in your face.

“Think they’ll ever want their own rooms? Or not want to share as much as they do now?”

“Maybe when they’re teenagers. I remember Pietro and I just started to talk to more people and make other friends in high school. But he was still my best friend, at the end of the day. I think he’s the only person that knows everything about me”

“Everything?” you repeat, enjoying how Wanda moves over to your lap as soon as she finishes with her makeup. “Does he know about me?”

“Yeah, I knew the boys would tell him if I didn’t” she laughs and you smile, kissing her neck. “Had to convince him to not book the first flight here, because he wanted to come and give you the shovel talk”

“Bring it”

“Maybe later. I don’t want him to scare you off, baby”

“Nothing can and nothing will” you promise, carrying her so she’s laying in bed. You smile, enjoying how beautiful she looks. “Now, about that sweet treat”

—

Lazy Sundays are a thing that you recently discovered, and they have become your favorite.

It usually starts with waking up next to Wanda, cuddled up in bed, sharing kisses until you hear the unmistakable noise of small footsteps trying to get some morning cookies.

Then, you wake up, and play with the kids for a little, while Wanda makes breakfast. You always clean up, making sure she doesn’t do anything more than strictly necessary.

This morning is no different, and you’re excited because the plan for today is drive to the Natural History Museum. You can’t wait for the kids to see all the cool fossils.

“Darling, can you go to the car and check if I left my charger there? My phone’s dead”

“Sure, baby” you smile, giving her a playful smack on the butt as you walk to the door.

You’re still yawning, rubbing the sleep off your eyes while you step outside. You hear a motorcycle and perk up, wondering if it’s a certain someone you know. But whoever is driving parks right outside of Wanda’s driveway, and a man with short blonde hair and blue eyes gets off, carrying a duffel bag.

“Oh, sorry. I must have the wrong house” he says as you walk out the door.

“Who are you looking for?”

“Wanda Maximoff”

“No, you’re in the right place. Can I help you?” you say, your heart beating fast. This man is definitely not Pietro, as you’ve seen him in pictures before.

“Steve? Oh, my God!” you hear Wanda shout behind you and she runs past you, right into his arms. You’re taken aback by her excitement over someone whose name you’ve never even heard.

“Uncle Steve!” the kids join, and he stops spinning Wanda in the air (like out of a fucking romcom) and goes to greet the kids. You stan there, feeling uncomfortable until Wanda asks him to step inside and sees you.

“Oh, pardon my manners. Steve, this is Y/N”

Not my girlfriend, but Y/N.

Right.

“Nice to meet you”

“Captain Steve Rogers” he says, making sure you know he is a captain.

Oh, big man with a big title. Asshole.

“Doctor Y/N Y/L/N” you hit back.

“We grew up together. Well, he was a few years older than us, but the Rogers were so nice and welcoming when we first moved to the US” Wanda says, practically giving the man heart eyes. “And now, well, he’s in the army so we don’t see each other as much”

“Had a couple of days off, thought I’d stop by. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had company” he eyes you curiously and then to Wanda. “I’ll find a place to stay”

“None of that, you’re staying with us. Y/N lives across the street”

“Yeah, I do” you nod. “We were just going to the museum today”

“On such a nice day? We could go and play some baseball” he says, and you have to resist the urge to punch him in his very defined jaw.

But the twins agree and Wanda is quick to follow suit, so you just smile politely.

“Come on, I want to hear everything” Wanda pulls him inside, her arm around his.

You look back to your place and sigh.

“Whatever” you mutter, going back to your own house.

Wanda doesn’t even notice until they are getting ready to leave for their baseball game.

“Aren’t you coming?” she asks as soon as you open the door.

“No, I’m more of an indoors type of person. Have fun, catch up with your friend”

“You’re still having dinner with us, right?”

“Sure” you say, knowing full well you’ll run to the hospital under the excuse of an emergency at the last minute.

“Everything ok? I didn’t mean to… ignore you back there. I was just so surprised about Steve”

“It’s fine” you lie.

“Ok. I love you” she stands on her toes to kiss you and you smile, appreciating how the words sooth your heart in spite of everything.

You’re restless, so you run to the gym and spend a good hour just listening to music and working out. By the time you’re back, completely exhausted, there’s another god damn bike on your driveway.

“Where the hell have you been?” Carol says as soon as you step on to your house.

“Wow, what’s gotten into you?”

“I have a lesbian emergency. And you’re the only other lesbian I trust enough!” she hisses, looking like a mad woman.

“Ok, chill, will ya? Let me take a shower and we’ll talk about it”

“Maria wants kids” Carol blurts out, following you upstairs.

“Ok, so?”

“So! It’s too soon”

“You’ve been dating since med school. By gay standards that’s like a good ten years of marriage, Carol” you’re about to step into the room to shower when you turn around. “Can I help you?”

“I’ve been to your room!”

“When we were fuck buddies. Now you’re engaged and I have a girlfriend, so wait downstairs for me” you say, because there’s no way in hell you’re letting her in just like that. You know Wanda would be upset about it.

“You’re mean”

“And you are a baby, Danvers” you stick your tongue out, closing the door to shower.

When you go downstairs, there’s Chinese food waiting and a couple of beers.

“I’m stress eating” she explains. You nod, taking out the food to the porch where you can enjoy the cool breeze. “Whose bike is that?”

“A friend of Wanda’s”

“Do I detect a hint of jealousy?”

“So, Maria wants to have kids?” you retort, making her groan. “Come on, this can’t be a surprise to you. Unless she recently changed her mind”

“It’s not about having them, it’s about when” she says, playing with her food. “We agreed we’d get married, travel for a bit. Have a life outside of work and then think about kids. But she left, and we broke it off for a while”

“So, you’re worried it’s too soon because of the time apart”

“I’m angry” Carol says and it seems like it takes an enormous amount of effort to even admit it. “I stayed, I didn’t change our plans together. And now, she came back and wants to change things again. It doesn’t seem fair that Maria is calling all the shots”

“Did you tell her that?” you take a sip of your beer, enjoying the taste. You’ve only had wine for the last couple of weeks.

“I just said I’d think about it” Carol admits. “And then I ran here”

“I see” you nod, taking a breath before asking something you’ve thought in the past. “Are you afraid you’ll be a bad parent?”

“Yes” Carol answers immediately.

You’ve seen so many surgeons struggle to keep up with their personal life while doing their job. Hell, even Stark and Pepper had their rough patch when Morgan was a baby.

“I think you’d be a great mom, Carol” you admit, knowing how good she is with kids. “Maybe you can compromise on the timeline. Like at least have a wedding even if it’s small and a honeymoon. Because once a baby comes, it’s gonna be your job 24/7”

“Speaking from experience with two kids?” she wiggles her eyebrows and you chuckle. “Wanna tell me about the friend?”

“He showed up unannounced and Wanda acted like this… teenager with a crush. Oh, and get this, I wasn’t introduced as her girlfriend, she only used my name”

“That’s kinda annoying. Very I’m still in the closet vibes”

“Her brother knows about us, though” you say. Unless that was a lie.

“Well, you should tell her it’s bothering you. I’ve seen you make so many changes to your life for her, Y/N. You take time off and help her, and that speaks volumes about you”

“Maybe I moved foo fast” you think, sipping your beer.

“You are a lesbian” she points out and you both laugh.

For the next hour, you keep talking about work and other stuff, until you see Wanda’s car approaching. You’re hit with a pang of jealousy when you see Steve driving, and opening the car door for Wanda.

“Dude is buff” Carol comments, and she whistles. “Yeap, I see what you mean”

Wanda barely looks at your place, and she only pays attention when she catches up to Carol sitting next to you.

“That’s my cue to go. Good luck” Carol says, taking her jacket.

“Drive safely” you say. “Or maybe take a cab?”

“I only had half a beer. See ya, princess” Carol says loud enough for Wanda to hear. Your girlfriend glares at her retreating figure and then looks at you.

“Is that why you didn’t want to come with us?”

“I didn’t even know Carol was going to come, Wanda. She needed some relationship advice” you say, standing up to pick up the trash. “And I’m not the one who cancelled our plans to hang with a total stranger. You know I only get one Sunday off every three weeks and I worked extra hours to be with you for the weekend”

“Steve isn’t a stranger”

It annoys you that she ignores your comment about the time off you work hard to get. To spend time together, no less.

“He is to me”

“You’re right. Just come over and meet him? I promise you once you do everything will be fine”

“Sure” you say. That’s the last thing you want to do, but you feel the tension between you and Wanda, and if you say no to dinner or skip at the last minute how you had originally planned, you’ll get into a fight.

You can get through one dinner, right?

As soon as you walk in to Wanda’s home, you wish you had just faked a work emergency.

Steve is playing with Billy and Tommy, clearly not understanding how the control of the console works.

“Dragons are kinda lame” he jokes. Or not, who knows.

“Spyro isn’t lame” Billy says and you smile proudly. That’s your boy.

“Hey” the man greets you as you walk to the kitchen to find Wanda. “Your friend has a nice bike. Too bad she drinks and drives”

You give him a dirty look from across the room, figuring it’s better to ignore him.

“Do you drink and drive too?” he asks, and now you’re certain you will kick his ass.

“Oh, so glad you’re here” Wanda walks in, carrying a couple of plates. “Mind helping me with the salad?”

“Sure” you say, eager to get away from Captain Morality.

Unfortunately, he seems to be in a chatty mood during dinner and you have to resist the urge to ignore him every time he asks a question.

“What about your family?” he asks at one point and you think you might break the Hippocratic Oath and stick your fork in his hand.

“What about them?” you dodge the question, taking a bite of your chicken.

“Yeah, what do your parents do? Any siblings?”

“My mom’s a teacher, my dad’s dead” you say without any more context.

“Sorry” the man says.

“Maybe we can talk about something else” Wanda says, and it’s the first time in all night that she’s had some consideration towards you. She asks him about another friend of theirs and you’re allowed to eat peacefully, happy that Captain Ass is leaving you alone.

“You ok?” Tommy says next to you and you smile, nodding. “I really wanted to go to the museum”

“Me too, buddy. Some other time”

When everyone’s done you do the usual cleaning, starting with washing the dishes.

Wanda joins you in the kitchen a while later, saving leftovers and putting away some of the spices she used.

“Everything ok?” she asks.

“Fine”

“Are you staying over?”

“I have to go to the hospital” you lie. You’re gonna be restless and can’t stand the idea of just laying in bed thinking about everything that’s happened today. You need the rush of work to clear your head.

“Well, I’m glad you got to know Steve a little better. He’ll only stay for a couple of days before going to visit his parents. Joseph and Sarah are so great”

“Mhm” you give a noncomittal groan and she keeps going.

“It was always so nice for us to spend time with them. And my parents, they just love Steve! My mom always told me we would be great together, but then I met someone else and you know, the twins came along”

“Wow, that’s great”

“Yeah, I always wondered. Maybe we would have been a good couple” she keeps going, completely oblivious to how annoyed you are.

“Lucky you, he’s here now and seems like he’s ready to pick up were you left off”

“What?” 

“I don’t know, Wanda. You’re out here talking about him like he’s God’s greatest gift to this Earth, how you wonder if your life would be better with him. Go be with him if that’s what you want. I won’t be the one to stop you” you finally break, finishing the dishes and drying your hands.

“Do you hear yourself? You’re being incredibly immature” Wanda hisses, looking at the kitchen door, concerned that her friend or her children will listen.

“I’m being honest. How do you think it makes me feel to listen to this?”

“Oh, please. I’m not the one who is all cozy with her ex” she retorts.

“Carol and I work together and you knew about us before you and I started dating”

“What do you want me to do? Kick my friend out because you’re insecure?”

“No. I want you to…”

I want you to want me.

The words come back to you from a place you thought was buried, and it hits you like a ton of bricks.

A hand covers your mouth, trying to keep the words in, as if you’re not crumbling down. Taking a breath, you try to steady yourself.

“I have to go” you say, eager to put some distance between you two.

“Wait” Wanda says, her demeanor completely different. She’s never seen you this vulnerable or shaken.

“I’m going to the hospital” you avoid her eyes, leaving in a rush.

All you can do is run.

—

Thank God for work. There’s so much to do, you spend all night running around and by the time you sit, it’s 5 AM.

“My feet are killing me” Carol says; she also came to the hospital to run away from her problems.

“Come on, cheer up” you say, giving her chocolate and a granola bar.

You sit next to her, both of you staring at the wall, caught up in your own thoughts. When Darcy stops by, she tilts her head, eyeing you curiously.

“Girl trouble?”

You both nod and she sighs, sitting between the two.

“Me too”

“You and who?” Carol says.

“Me. I’m the problem with myself” Darcy says and in spite of yourself, you laugh. “Come on, the doctor’s in. Who wants to go first?”

“Wanda has a surprise guest that looks like a model, and it happens to be a dude she grew up with and her parents loved and wanted them to marry”

“Wow. That’s awful. Is he staying with her now? Are you worried they’re gonna bone?”

“I am now” you frown.

“Ok, good talk!” Darcy says, grimacing. “Carol, wanna go next?”

“No, thanks” she says, afraid Darcy will put new worries in her head like she did with you.

It’s really fucking funny, isn’t it? The dude shows up out of nowhere, is passive agressive when Wanda isn’t looking, you fight and maybe now she’s sad and running into his arms.

Perfect.

Your pager releases you from the new horrors and you spring to action, hoping work takes your mind off of everything else.

There are a few accidents on the road due to the heavy rain, so you focus on that and even scrub in with Carol in what Darcy dubs the Gay Denial Club.

“Go to sleep” Fury says when he catches you drifting off while standing up a few hours later.

“I’m fine” you lie.

“Take a walk, sleep. If you don’t want to go back home now it’s fine. But don’t stay here, you’ve been at the hospital for too long”

“Ok” you rub your eyes, feeling hungry and knowing cafeteria food won’t do the trick for now.

The pier is the one place where you can feel at peace right now, so you pick up some food and eat on a bench, looking out the water. When it gets cold, you do something that only happens once a year.

Smoking is so damn bad, but so good when you’re feeling completely done with the world. Right now you’re wondering why you quit.

Someone walks up to you, and you recognise the parfum instantly.

“That’s bad for you” Wanda says and you let out a dry laugh.

“So I’ve heard. What are you doing here?”

“You weren’t at the hospital and I just had a feeling I’d find you here” she says, sitting.

“Good call” you say, pushing out the smoke away from her.

“I’m sorry”

“What for?”

“The way I acted. And that thing I said… I didn’t mean it like that. When I said I sometimes wondered what my life would be like, I didn’t mean it as if I wanted it to be different… because then I wouldn’t have Billy and Tommy and that’s just simply unconceivable for me”

“I know” you nod, but keep staring at the pier.

“Are you gonna say anything else?”

You shrug your shoulders, debating if it’s worth it to open up about what’s bothering you.

“My mom didn’t want me” you finally say, putting out the cigarrette and coughing. You feel the need to light up another one immediately. “I heard her once or twice, saying it would have been easier if it was only her and her new family.”

“That’s awful. I never meant to make you feel that way” she says, trying to reach for your hand, but you move it away.

“I know. In my head, logically, I get what you meant. But all I feel is like a second choice. And I really, really, don’t want to feel that, you know? I spent my whole life running from that, and I can’t deal with it. I just don’t know how”

“Is there anything I can do?” she asks, sighing. The sound of your pager goes off, and you smile.

“You should go home. And I have work”

“I love you” Wanda says, holding your hand as you walk past her. You nod, looking at her for the first time. She’s so beautiful and perfect and you love her so much, but you know you need to step back and work through the pain this whole thing revived in you.

“I know” you nod, walking away, your pager going off a few more times.

You understand the urgency as you arrive to the hospital.

“There’s a sinkhole in the middle of the city. You and Danvers are going to the site”

“Jesus, alright. Darcy, you’ll handle the ER while I’m gone, Bishop and Parker, come with me” you get ready, packing up the essentials and putting on a windbreaker, as it looks like it will rain all night long.

“Be careful” Chief Fury says as you all get on an ambulance.

“See you on the other side, Chief” you wink at him, closing the door as you enter last.

—

The rain drops hit the windshield, providing a soothing white noise that helps Wanda calm her thougths. She takes her time driving back home, not just because of the storm, but because she wants peace and quiet to think about everything you just told her.

She had hoped that she could fix things and you’d come home with her, but apparently it was a lot more complicated for you.

“Everything ok?” Steve says as soon as she walks in.

“Not really” Wanda admits, locking the door and dragging her feet to the kitchen. “For the first time in ten years I meet someone who wants me, and is nice and amazing and  also loves my two kids… and I managed to make her feel like a second hand toy”

“Is that what she said?”

“No. It isn’t. But I screwed up so bad, Steve” Wanda says, pouring a glass of wine, beating herself up over and over again for what happened.

“It’s not your fault” Steve admits at last, because he knows Wanda can be too hard on herself.

“Yes, it is” Wanda argues, not catching what he’s trying to say.

“I need to tell you something” Steve shifts in his place. “Pietro asked me to check up on you. He said you wouldn’t let him come and that Y/N sounded too good to be true. So I offered to stop by and see for myself… I may have been a bit rude to her when we spoke”

“Are you being serious right now?” Wanda has to bite her tongue, because her children are asleep and she doesn’t want to wake them up. “What gave you the right?”

“Wanda, he worries about you”

“I am a grown woman, with two children, a successful career, a house that I own. I’m more of an adult than Pietro or you”

“We didn’t mean any harm” Steve insists but she raises her hand.

“You should go. Stay over tonight if you have to, but I want you gone tomorrow morning, Steve” she requests, her tone firm. The man nods, leaving the kitchen.

Wanda sighs and downs the last of her glass of wine, hoping she can call you and apologize. If she had known before that Steve was deliberately rude to you…

“Hello?” Darcy picks up. She insists when Wanda doesn’t speak. “Wanda? I see your name in the caller ID”

“Hi, Darcy. Sorry, I was hoping I could speak to Y/N but if she’s busy…”

“We’re all busy” Darcy says, updating the patient list. “Y/N is not here, she was called on site to deal with the sinkhole”

“There’s a sinkhole?”

“Yeah, it’s all over the news. Listen, I picked up the phone just to make sure you didn’t have an emergency, because she’d freak out if something happened to you. But if you’re fine I gotta get back to managing the ER while she’s gone”

“No, I wanted to talk… I’m fine. Just please tell her to call me?”

“Will try. Bye” Darcy says, hanging up as two more ambulances stop at the entrance of the ER.

Wanda walks over to the tv, watching as the local newstation reports on the activity.

“Doctors from Shield Medical Center and Stark Hospital have arrived at the scene to help with trauma patients. We encourage people to stay home as the heavy rain will continue throughout Westview” the anchor woman says. There’s footage of medical personnel walking by the scene but Wanda can’t spot you.

She stays in the living room, hoping to see you, just to make sure you’re ok. Pretty soon, she falls asleep on the couch, but the noise of the tv stays in the background, making her dream of you, and the sadness in your eyes the last time she saw you.

—

“I have to go with this patient” Carol says, while the EMTs get the man on the ambulance. “I’ll try to come back as soon as we stabilize him”

“Be careful” you nod, turning to Kate and Peter next. “What else we got? Parker?”

“I have a head trauma and we’re waiting for an ambulance. Doctor Stark was out of town but flying in right now. I have to prep the patient so he’s ready by the time Stark lands”

“How did he find a flight with this weather?” Kate asks and you chuckle.

“Bishop, he owns a helicopter”

“Oh, right”

“Alright, Peter, you’re taking the next ambulance. Kate?”

“I’m staying” she says and you nod. It’s been four hours since you got here and you’re all soaked. At least most of the people have been evacuated.

“We got two people down here!” someone shouts and you turn in that direction.

“How can we help?” you greet Clint Barton, and he nods your way, greeting you.

“Hey, doc. It’s a small girl and her mom, the woman is trapped under the car”

“Fuck” Kate says, and you hit her arm.

“Language”

“No, fuck is right. The woman needs to have her leg amputated if we want to get her out but it’s too risky to go down there”

“I’ll go” you say.

“It’s seriously risky” Barton insists but you shrug your shoulders and he nods. “Alright everybody, we’re getting the doc down”

“Is this a good idea?” Kate asks when you request the medical equipment.

“It will be fine, trust me. Be prepared to stabilize her as soon as they’re up. And inform Maria about the little girl, she’ll need a consult”

“Right away”

“Hold on to the rope and make sure you don’t move a lot as we set you down, ok? The rain stopped for a little bit so this is our window. If water keeps falling you could go down in a mudslide”

“Ok” you say, trying to ignore your erratic heartbeat. This is not the time to get cold feet. “I’m ready”

You use your flashlight to look around, and then the beam lands on a pair of small eyes that look up at you.

“All set. I’m sending the kid over” you speak through a radio. Barton confirms and then you turn to the girl. “Hey, I’m Y/N. What’s your name? It’s ok”

“I’m Alice” the girl says, staying close to her unconscious mother.

“Alice, hi. Look, I’ll get you out of here, and then I’m staying to help your mom, ok? I’ll be up with her in no time”

“I don’t want to leave her” the girl protests as you get her ready to go up.

“Alice, I need to take care of your mommy and it can be scary. I won’t leave her side, I promise” you say, because there’s no way in hell you’ll let her watch as you cut off her mother’s leg.

“Promise?”

“Pinky swear” you say, and she smiles, nodding. You talk to the radio “The kid’s ready. Bishop, check for injuries once she’s up there”

You get to work, noticing the woman is still unconscious but it’s probably for the best. As you set the equipment for the amputation, a light rain begins again.

“Status report?” Barton says when it seems like the rain is getting stronger.

“60% done”

“You don’t have a lot of time left”

“Great, super helpful comment, Barton” you mutter, struggling with the bone. God, this is the part that always made you dizzy in your resident years. It doesn’t help that you’re doing it in the middle of the ground that could collapse under you any minute.

You pull through the nausea that hits you, letting Barton know that you’re done. His team lowers a gurney and you prepare it for transportation, struggling as you have to drag the woman across the floor.

“All good” you say, watching as she’s lifted.

“We’ll come back for you, stay put”

You light up the area, just to make sure you’re not leaving any equipment behind. Something caughts your eye beyond the truck.

“We’re pulling you up now” Barton says over the radio.

“Hold” you say, quickly approaching the edge of the hole. “There’s someone else here! The car was covering him”

“It’s raining heavily, we can’t have you stay longer” Barton says, the water causing the dirt around you to losen up. You feel the soil beneath you getting softer as well, as if it was about to give in. “Just take the rope, you don’t even know if they’re alive”

“He has a pulse, just hold”

“Grab the rope, damn it” Barton barks over the radio. His words are met with silence, and then a second later, there’s a loud crash. He looks over and sees the car sliding further down, the dirt finally giving in at the weight and water.

You’re nowhere to be found.

—

The sound of thunder wakes Wanda up. She looks around the room, confused.

The TV is still on, and she rubs her eyes, not paying much attention to what is being reported.

That is, until the person on the screen says your name.

“We have reports that as Doctor Y/L Y/L/N was conducting a search and rescue operation, there were some complications. The other person is an unidentified male, and all we know is they were both taken back to Stark Hospital in critical condition”

“No, no, no” she stands up, taking her car keys.

“Where are you going?” Steve says. He has been unable to sleep, feeling guilty over everything that happened.

“I need to go to the hospital, Y/N could be injured”

“It’s dangerous to drive with the storm, Wanda”

“Stay with the kids, ok?” she ignores him.

“Ok. Be careful” he finally agrees, knowing nothing will make her change her mind.

The ten minute drive is probably the longest one of her life. She tries to stay calm, finding the local news on the radio, but there’s no mention of you.

Stark Hospital is full of people waiting for news on their loved ones. Wanda knows the way to the staff door, so she moves quietly and enters, looking back and hoping no one caught her. Everyone’s too busy to question why someone outside the hospital is there.

“Wanda?” Darcy calls as she exits an examination room, confused. The woman turns around, ready to explain why she’s there.

“Why are you calling for Wanda? See, you’re the one with a concussion, Lewis” you mumble.

Wanda sighs with relief when she hears your voice, walking past Darcy to get inside the room. She sees you, scrubs full of mud and a couple of cuts in your face and arms.

“You’re ok” she says, forgetting the conflict between you two, and hugging you. “I’m so relieved. I thought I lost you. I heard on the news…”

“They exaggerate for views”

“She almost died” Darcy accuses with a glare.

“Did not”

“Ok, fine. I’m telling your girlfriend because you’re a knucklehead”

Wanda breaks the hug, laughing and wiping away the tears that fell down the moment you were in her arms. You keep your hand on her waist, sad that you scared her.

“Y/N here has a concussion and a dislocated shoulder. Lucky for her, she managed to take the rope while carrying the man she found in that hole”

“Wouldn’t you call that heroic?”

“I’d call it idiotic. Please take her and don’t let her come for the next week” Darcy pleads to Wanda. “And you, sleep, rest, don’t move that arm and more importantly, come back with lots of cookies”

“Yeah, yeah”

“And no sex!”

Darcy glares at you two one last time, before leaving the room.

There’s a beat of silence and then you turn to Wanda, smiling shyly.

“Could I get a ride home? I can’t drive with this thing” you point at your armsling and she nods.

“Of course, come on” she says, her hands on your cheeks. She knows you need to rest and she’ll happily drive you home, but Wanda still needs a minute to ground herself, your touch enough to remind her you’re ok.

“I’m here” you say, your hand going up and down her back.

Wanda nods, holding back tears.

“I know”

After a few more seconds, she stands back, waiting for you to leave your spot in the hospital bed. You walk slowly, afraid you’ll get dizzy if you move too fast. Wanda is leading the way, holding your hand to steady you.

“Wanda? Is everything ok? Why are you here?” Barton says and you look confused at both of them. Not another almost husband, for the love of God.

“Clint, hi. I’m just taking my girlfriend home” she gestures to you. “Y/N, this is…”

“We’ve met” you say.

“She’s crazy” Clint points to you and Wanda is about to lash out at him when the man smiles. “You saved a man’s life, but try not to do that again”

“Agree” you say, smiling as he pats your good shoulder.

“Drive safely”

“How do you know Barton?” you ask when you’re finally in the car, relaxing against the comfortable seat.

“He’s Laura’s husband” Wanda says, backing out of the parking lot.

“Laura, as in, your editor? Wow, it’s a small world” you mutter, closing your eyes for just a second. Wanda’s voice brings you back to reality.

“We’re here”

“Here where?”

“Home, baby”

You open your eyes, startled.

“Oh. I thought I only closed my eyes for half a second. Thanks for the ride. Gotta shower and take a dozen painkillers”

“Will you let me… will you let me help you?” Wanda asks, reaching for your hand and you nod.

Instead of walking to her place, she leads you across the street, opening the door with the key you gave her weeks ago.

“Did you clean?” you say, looking around. You definitely didn’t leave everything so tidy.

“You know it’s the only thing that calms me when I’m anxious”

“You’re so cute and weird” you chuckle, swaying lightly. Wanda catches you in the air, making you lean on her side.

“You ok? Maybe you should have stayed at the hospital”

“Just tired” you say against her temple, enjoying the warmth of her body after spending all night in the pouring rain.

“Come on, then” she says, going upstairs with you.

It takes Wanda by surprise to notice she’d never actually been in your room before. You’re always at her place, mainly because of the twins.

As she looks at the few pictures scattered across the room, of friends and colleagues (and the lack of family portraits), Wanda realises how much you’ve done to acommodate to her life and needs, while asking very little in return.

“Bathroom’s that way” you yawn, sitting in the bed while Wanda searches for clean clothes.

“Give me a second, baby” she says and you nod, removing the armsling. “Does it hurt a lot?”

“No, but it’s probably because Darcy gave me the good stuff. I might be out for a good couple of hours after cleaning up”

“Noted” she smiles, helping you up. With gentle movements, Wanda pulls down your pants and underwear, while you hold on to her shoulders to keep your balance.

“I can’t lift my shirt” you admit with a blush.

“I got you, baby”

It’s a little difficult to remove the clothes with the limited motion, but you manage, letting out a giggle as Wanda finally throws the scrubs away, leading you to the shower.

“I think they’re too dirty to use them again”

“We’ll worry about that later. How do you like the water?”

“Right now, hot. I spent all night in the freezing rain”

“Ok” Wanda reaches forward to get a feel of the temperature, nodding when it’s ready. However, you stay in your spot, staring. “What is it?”

“Aren’t you getting in?”

“I have nothing to wear for after”

“That’s the opposite of a problem, as far as I’m concerned” you smile, pulling her hand.

Wanda enjoys this, knowing that you still want her. That in spite of your fight, there’s still that look of complete adoration in your eyes when you tease her or admire her figure.

“Alright” she says, stripping down until she’s naked in front of you. “Behave”

“But I just saved a man’s life”

“And got yourself hurt. We don’t wanna come back to the hospital with more injuries and explain to Darcy how that happened”

“Mmm, that would be funny, actually” you mumble, sighing against Wanda’s front when she stands behind you, her hands massaging your scalp. You feel the dirt slide off your skin, and the hot water relaxes your muscles.

There’s a struggle to stay awake when she’s being so soothing with her touch, but you manage by leaning against the bathroom wall, the water washing away the soap as you’re finally clean and warm.

With the upmost care, Wanda dries you off and brushes your hair, and you yawn as she helps you put on clean clothes. She’s wearing your college sweatshirt, looking adorable with the sleeves too long.

“It’s almost day” you say, looking out the window. Wanda nods, but helps you lay in bed.

“Just get some rest, ok?”

“Will you stay with me?” you ask, settling in bed and smiling up at her.

“Of course” she says, running her hands through your hair.

“For one second, I thought I wouldn’t make it” you confess, trying to stay awake to tell her how you feel. “And all I could think about was how I wished I had kissed you when you came looking for me”

“I’m glad you’re ok. And I’m not going anywhere” she promises, leaning forward to kiss you.

You fall asleep with a smile on your face.

—

The space next to you is empty, and as you regain consciousness, you wonder if it was all a dream. Pain hits every inch of your body when you wake up, to remind you that it was all very much real.

“Wanda?” you say, looking around. She’s nowhere to be found.

You go down the stairs, adjusting the armsling and searching for the other woman. It must be past noon, so maybe she’s home with the twins.

Since you don’t even remember where your phone is, you go across the street, knocking on the Maximoff’s door.

“It’s Y/N!” Billy says excitedly, running to hug you. He’s a little rough with his movements, making you groan. “I’m so happy you’re back, don’t go again. Uncle Steve is so boring”

That’s the best thing the kid has ever said to you, and then Tommy joins in the hug.

“Yeah, he never lets us play videogames and we eat green stuff that tastes like crap. And he says language if we say dude!!”

“Dude, that sucks” you say, enjoying every second of this. They both laugh, hugging you and you pat their heads with your one good arm.

“Boys, give Y/N some space, she’s recovering” Wanda says, smiling as you look at her. “I’m sorry, I had to come back to get lunch ready, I’m sure you’re hungry”

“One thing before that” you smile, pulling her into a kiss. Wanda smiles against your lips, laughing as the kids call you gross and leave in a rush.

Just as you’re sitting in the kitchen counter, Rogers goes down the stairs, carrying his bag.

“Thanks for letting me stay” he says, and Wanda nods, her arm around your shoulders, “Y/N, glad to see you’re ok. I���m sorry if I was a little rude at first. You seem like a great gal”

“Thanks, Cap” you smile. He shakes your hand and goes to say goodbye to the kids, Wanda pressing a kiss against your temple.

“We’re gonna miss you so much” Billy says a bit dramatically, obviously lying. You give him a thumbs up.

As soon as the man’s out the door, the kids run back to the living room, pulling out their videogames.

“Steve’s a little boring” Wanda says against your temple and you smile. “You’re so good with them and we love you so much. Never forget that”

“I love you too” you say, turning to kiss her.

Staying home for the rest of the week is not so bad, especially when you have your family by your side.

[bee-wg]

PROLOGUE:

Our family isn’t too big. Ever since my grandparents moved to their cottage by the lake, It's just been the three of us. I don't even bring my teammates or friends home. And all the peacefulness is about to change. 

“Ahh Shit- Sorry!” the fumbling buffoon said. 

“Language, sweetheart. David! Could you help him pick it up? I'm tidying up the kitchen,” My mom replied. 

“Coming!” My dad sprints down the stairs. 

“Oh, Pumpkin, you're all grown up! Are you prepared for the semester?” Dad gestured to the culinary tools scattered across the floor. 

“Yes, of course. Sorry about the mess,” he replied. The “Pumpkin” in question is my cousin, Theo. He's about to attend a college in the city to study culinary arts… or something. And, of course, he’s sharing the room with me. Not for long, though. I have a few buddies who have invited me to share a room with them. They reek, but it's a necessary evil. 

“Jay,” my dad asked, nudging me, “Remember when you guys used to play house together every summer?” 

“Yes, then he bit me and we never talked again,” I deadpanned. 

“Oh come on, he was just a kid,” Dad retorted. 

No, he wasn't. He was a little demon that stole my pretend credit card. My hand still itches thinking about that vicious attack. 

I put down Theo’s luggage and bit back the argument. “I'll go back to the car to see what’s left.” 

“Alright bud, thanks for the help.”

“No problem.” He could probably thank me by asking what happened at football camp, but what do I know? It's not like we haven't talked about football the entire summer. We could be doing that right now, on the deck with some ice-cold beer. But the twinky little “Pumpkin” needs help, and I have the muscle for it. 

God, I wish the summer was over already.

***

“Hahahaha Exactly! I have never seen Chloé like that before.” Dad laughed.

“Right? Who knew mom had sass in her.”

Mom's competitiveness was kicked off by Theo's presence. The kitchen has basically been a war zone for the past two weeks.

Looking down at my watch, the light flashes on.

6 kilometres down, 5 more to go.

It’s been a while since I’ve had a good morning run with Dad like this one. The ocean breeze flowing past my hair and the faint rays of sunrise brought back some old memories. 

Regulating my breathing, we slowed down for a second.

“Damn, son - your stamina has gotten so much better this past year.”

“The football camp really made you put up 20 pounds of pure muscles too, I’m glad I recommended you there.” Dad beamed proudly at me.

“You’re not too bad yourself, for an aging old man.”

I still get the same rush every time he compliments me. It’s like a reassurance that I’m doing something right.

“Hahahaha, you won’t be saying that when you’re one foot in your 40s; it’s basically death by fossilization.”

Dad has always been modest with his body, but everyone who knows him either admires his body, wants him, or is jealous of him and I am the same. Ever since high school I’ve been inspired to be like him. Even with the 15 pounds of muscle I have over him, I’m still lacking in so many ways. He just has the confidence to own it.

“Want some water?”

“Oh, right, of course. Thanks.” I took over the ice-cold bottle.

“About that training camp, I should request the school board to have the team register next summer for the training course. High school kids these days don't care about sports as much no more.” Dad said

“Speaking of which, remember your friend Lancaster who got held back for two years?”

“Yeah, Avery. He used to scold me when I didn’t take the nutrition classes with him. Haven’t hung with him in a while though.”

“Well, he probably won’t scold anymore. The kid got too cocky after getting a full sports scholarship and gained 70 pounds of fat in the summer. The university probably revoked the funds. Hope he didn't take it too hard.”

“Shit, that’s awful. I didn’t expect it to be him out of anyone. He was a damn good receiver.”

We resumed the pace, avoiding some rogue cyclists on the way.

Crazy to think the weight could creep up on Avery Lancaster of all people. I should watch out for myself too. I have good genes from dad so it probably will never happen, but the new influx of delicious food from Theo and my mom’s little competition definitely doesn’t help. At least it keeps the brat out of my room.

“Dad, I think I’m not going to move in with Brad and the guys.”

“Why the sudden change of heart?” 

“Well first of all, as much as I love them, the guys stinks. Second of all, Theo is not as much of a blood-sucking gremlin as he was before. And I don’t think I’m ready to say goodbye to you guys.”

“Plus, How can I leave when the thing with mom just got interesting.”

“Staying for the family drama, huh?” He chuckled.

“We’re happy to have you for as long as you want, Jay. Truth be told, your mom has been crying about it for weeks. We’re both not ready to say goodbye too.”

“Tell you what, Chloe and Theo probably have some fancy lasagnas waiting for us back home; let's cut through the forest and head back early to celebrate.” He said, practically drooling.

“Lasagnas for breakfast?”

“Wait, You just want the Lasagnas. Don’t you?”

“Hahaha, Maybe.”

“Well, don’t get too drawn in, or you’ll end up as Hansel in the candy house.” 

He laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world.

That would be funny to imagine though, cause Dad is anything but a glutton.

Chapter 1 ->

[kamaluhkhan]

LONG HOT SUMMER NIGHT

pairing: luke castellan x fem!poseidon!reader word count: 8.4k chapter summary: it's the summer solstice and olympus is throwing a party! thalia notices the tension between you and luke, poseidon gives you some relationship advice and you punch the god of desire in the face. warnings: angst! jealous reader. lots of drinking. complicated relationships. reader dealing with ptsd + survivor's guilt (post-titan war). mention of injuries + blood. creepy guy pushing reader to hook up. ending is a bit steamy but no actual smut. spoilers for the entire pjo (book) series. no betrayal (au where chris was the one who sided w kronos and led the titan army) so slightly ooc luke <3 also reader is in a band called the midnight sirens and is born on the summer solstice! author's note: thank you so much for all the love for part 1!! summer is almost over and this is very much a summer series BUT summer's not over yet !!! hope y'all enjoy this one too and thanks 4 reading 💙

part 1 | series masterlist

♪: long hot summer night by jimi hendrix

mail to: 

Luke Castellan Camp Half-Blood, Half-Blood Hill 3.141 Farm Road Long Island, New York 11954

LUKE! 

I’m sitting in my kitchen right now, watching Percy make us blue blueberry pancakes and hoping he doesn’t burn down my kitchen while doing so. I caved and agreed to take him to Disneyland while he’s here and breakfast was part of the deal, but I think I might regret it later. 

We went surfing yesterday. It was Percy’s first time, but he was (unsurprisingly) amazing at it. I still can’t get over how beautiful the beaches are and the waves — gods, the waves are unreal. You’d seriously love it here. It’s like every day is summer. You have to come visit. PLEASE come visit!!!!

- [your initial]

P.S. The band and I are working on some new music, which means I won’t make it to camp again this summer. I’m sorry ;( Fingers crossed I’ll make it next year. 

P.P.S. hi luke! happy to report that i did not burn down my sister’s kitchen. anyways, can’t wait to kick your ass in sword-fighting this summer. xoxo, percy

THREE YEARS LATER 

the first time you visited olympus, you had been sent on a quest to retrieve zeus’ stolen lightning bolt, bringing luke and charles beckendorf along with you. you had missed the summer solstice deadline, but still tried to reason with the king of the gods when presenting the symbol of power, maybe calling him out once or twice along the way. before zeus could strike you down for your boldness, poseidon stepped in. the war between them was averted in fear of a much larger, looming threat; an ominous introduction for what was to come in the next chapter of your life.

another time, the gods debated whether or not they should kill you, some seeing you as a threat to their future. that was the day you accepted your destiny, not wanting your brother percy or your cousin nico to deal with the weight of the great prophecy. 

your last visit to olympus was on your 18th birthday, after helping to defeat kronos and his army. you made the gods swear to stop neglecting their kids and to allow all demigods, regardless of whether their parent was an olympian or not, to have a home at camp half-blood; to treat their children as children rather than heroes as pawns in their twisted games.

needless to say, it’s quite strange, being back here under very, very different circumstances, where the gods invited camp half-blood’s senior counsellors and staff to join in their summer solstice festivities.

it’s not every day you’ll be invited to a party on olympus; you’re determined to have a good time, to have fun. there’s already an abundance of music, dancing, food, or alcohol, and the night is just getting started.

you’re happy to be there with new and old friends, but you’re ecstatic when you see that thalia grace is there, too. 

“immortality looks good on you, t!” you compliment, raising your voice slightly over the music.

thalia preens, and you bask in her silver glow. 

“bet you wish you took the gods up on their offer, huh,” she teases. then, her eyes widen. “oh - shit! it’s your birthday! happy birthday!” 

thalia tackles you with another hug; even after all these years, she still smells like pine trees. she grabs two goblets of honeyed wine and hands one to you as you catch up. you eagerly gulp the sweet drink, until you’re reaching for another while listening to her stories about adventures she’d been on with the hunters of artemis. 

about halfway through her story about fighting off a manticore during a snow storm, a nymph appears with a platter of the ripest of fruit – sweet plums and fresh figs, tantalising pomegranates, succulent grapes and crisp apples. 

“oh my gods, this is the best apple i’ve had in my entire life!” thalia exclaims after indulging in a taste, herself giddy from a few goblets of wine. “where’s luke? he’s gotta try this — he’s always reminding us to eat more fruit. luke!” 

you hadn’t kept track of luke, at least not on purpose. you assumed he’d been off partying with van or his siblings, and, probably, avoiding you. wherever he was, thalia calls his name twice more and, like a ghost, luke appears. 

“i’m here, t.” luke’s voice is a deep, steady rumble floating above the music. his cheeks are slightly flushed, either from the heat or the drinks. likely both. “what’s up?”

“you need to try this.” thalia shoves the apple in his mouth before luke can respond. 

luke takes a bite, and some juice drips down his chin. you, in a honey-soaked haze, think about running your tongue over to catch it, but he beats you to it, wiping it away with the back of his hand. 

probably for the best.

“holy shit. yeah, it’s good.”

thalia, a sparkle in her eyes, urges you to try it as well. from across the makeshift triangle the three of you had formed, luke tosses the apple your way. you catch it effortlessly, and sink your teeth into it. 

you’ve almost overwhelmed by the burst of flavor. the fruit is just the right amount of tart to balance out the sweetness, and it’s damn near the best crunch you’ve ever experienced.

“good is an understatement,” you say after another bite. a distant memory crosses your mind. “i wonder if these are the same ones we almost got killed by a hellhound for.” 

thalia shakes her head, laughing in disbelief. “all because luke said we needed more vitamin c.”

“i was just looking out for us!” luke guffaws. “how was i supposed to know that persephone owned an apple orchard in connecticut?”

you pat his shoulder, the three of you smiling at the memory. “let’s call it an honest mistake.”

“well if annabeth had been with us by then, i’m sure that she wouldn’t have made that same honest mistake.” 

“okay, but she’s the daughter of athena —”

you let luke and thalia slip back into their playful bickering as if no time has passed. you listen and continue eating that glorious apple, enjoying how the golden glow of your shared past fills whatever distance might have grown between the three of you. 

somewhere down memory lane, luke’s amber eyes flick towards you.

“hey, you’ve got some….” without another word, luke suddenly reaches over to brush away a trail of juice with his thumb before sticking the finger in his mouth to savour the taste. he holds your gaze as he does so, and you feel a familiar kind of heat rush through your body — not from alcohol or summer sun, but from luke. 

it’s such an intimate gesture that you almost forget that you’re at some extravagant party on mount olympus, where gods and half-bloods and a whole bunch of other mythological creatures are celebrating the start of summer by essentially getting drunk together, until thalia clears her throat. 

“okay, well, seems like the two of you might want some alone time.”

luke’s cheeks grow more flushed than before, and his eyes widen as if realizing what he’d done.

“oh, we don’t need —”

“we’re not ���”

you and luke both stumble over your words; thalia just smiles knowingly. 

“i’m gonna go flirt with that nymph,” she announces, pointing across the grand marble pavilion.

“i thought — doesn’t artemis sort of frown upon that sort of thing?” you ask.

“she makes exceptions on holidays. besides, i’m her favourite. you guys have fun.” thalia winks at you and walks away.

you glance at luke and, gods, there’s so much history between you. 

the time you jumped into an ocean full of sirens to save luke from drowning? you have a scar running down your forearm where one of them scratched you as you struggled to get luke towards the surface. 

or when you took turns holding up the sky while on a quest to save lady artemis and defeat the titan atlas? it’s evident in the matching streaks of grey that you each have running through your hair. whenever you see your reflection in the mirror, you remember how you couldn’t save your cousin bianca di angelo earlier that day, and how nico has had to grow up without a sister because of a promise you broke.

how about when you, luke, and one of your best friends were sent on a mission to destroy the princess andromeda, the headquarters of kronos’ army? only the two of you survived, and sometimes you can still feel luke squeezing your hand pike he did during charles beckendorf’s burial shroud ceremony while you both cried.

or when luke took a sword between the ribs for you because he, somehow, knew the one spot the curse of achilles left you vulnerable? he can only slouch for so long before the bones there start to ache.

so, yeah. there’s way too much history, and so many tangled threads, and now really isn’t an ideal time to unravel it all. 

“i’m gonna go find my dad,” you blurt out and disappear into the crowd with no real intention of finding your father. 

the once sweet apple now tastes rotten on your tongue; you rid yourself of it in exchange for some more wine. you’re determined to have fun — no pain or heartache or grief. 

you’ve all had enough of that for three lifetimes. 

summer — age 14

“sorry your birthday was ruined.” 

luke exhaled sharply when you pressed a disinfectant-soaked cloth to the wound on his leg.

“hold still,” was all you mumbled in response, brows knitted together as you wrapped the cut in gauze. 

once you were done with his leg, you moved on to luke’s hands, burned by poisonous acid. the four of you had run into a hydra earlier that night. you managed to wound it enough so you could all get away, but not before a few injuries were sustained. 

you were uncharacteristically quiet as you worked. you only met luke’s gaze to warn him before pouring some nectar on his wounds. you let luke hold your hand, tightly, as the liquid dripped through his fingers and down to yours, first right, then left. the pain was instant, seering almost as much as the hydra acid, but it was over quickly. the last thing you did was bandage each hand before getting up. 

“i’m…i’m gonna check on thalia and annabeth. i’ll take first watch.”

luke caught your hand before you got away.

“wait. you’re bleeding.” he pointed to the cut on your brow. you had been so preoccupied in making sure everyone else was safe that you let crimson liquid drip down your face. it probably stung, too, based on your grimace.

luke wiped away the blood with his sleeve, used nectar to disinfect the wound, and dressed it with a fresh bandage, working silently as you did.

“it’s still your birthday,” luke finally said once he was done. “you get some rest; i’ll take first watch.”

you gave him a small, strained smile before checking on the others. 

later that night, you stayed up with luke anyways. 

seemingly out of nowhere, you handed him your portable cassette player. luke stared at it for a moment, unwilling to comprehend just what you were offering and, more importantly, why. 

you and luke had grown accustomed to sharing things: flannels, socks, makeshift beds and scavenged food. but this —

it was your aunt’s. 

you never met your mother, who’d left you as a baby, and of course, poseidon was too busy tending to his underwater kingdom to step in as a parent. your aunt raised you as her own. and then you lost her, too. 

you kept her cassette player buried deep in your bag with some mixtapes she had made and ones you’d stolen throughout the years. when it wasn’t your turn to keep watch, luke would sometimes catch you with headphones on, looking up at the stars. 

luke liked to think he knew you well; all those subtle elements that made you — the crack of your knuckles, the cadence of your voice, the slope of your nose, the dreams of your childhood. engraved in his own personhood. bones and all. 

and, still: he didn’t know you, not entirely. 

you’d only allowed luke to listen with you once, maybe twice. he’d never forget what it was like: knees pressed together and heads just as close to keep the wires from stretching too far; you gushing about the magic of jimi hendrix, recounting memories that echoed through gentle guitar riffs; luke yearning for one more song to play, for another a wistful smile of yours to appear. luke, wishing to linger in your private oasis a beat longer before you pushed him out again and closed the door behind him. 

the one lock luke couldn’t crack: your grief, and how you carried on so buoyantly despite its weight.

well, there you were, presenting the key to luke as an offering. a sacrifice for something luke would never ask of you. 

“this….” luke swallowed the lump in his throat, refusing to look at you. he turned the device over in his bandaged hands, the metal smooth, though well-worn. “you can’t just —”

leave. you can’t just leave. you can’t just —

“hey.” 

your hand over his, forcing him to stop spiralling and look at you. 

right away, luke regretted it. a small sliver of him, however delusional, had hoped that you were joking. 

you weren’t. behind you, there was an empty space where you had previously wedged your sleeping bag. your backpack was already strapped around your shoulders, fully packed. 

“i need to leave, luke. we can’t stay together. it’s too dangerous.”

“you don’t need to —”

“there’s more of us, now,” you interrupted, pulling your hand away to rest on your thigh. “four demigods together isn’t ideal. we’ve been attracting more monsters. more deadly monsters.”

“that would happen, anyways. it always has whether it’s the four of us, the two of us, or….” 

luke stopped his sentence short, not even wanting to give you the idea to go out on your own, even though you’d probably been thinking about leaving for some time. 

you made reckless decisions sometimes, but this didn’t seem to be one of them.

“well, it’s happening more.” your voice was steady, too steady. luke imagined you rehearsing just what to say to counter the inevitable backlash. 

luke shook his head. “i’d be dead if it weren’t for you.”

“you almost died because of me,” you clipped. you lifted a hand to touch the bruise on luke’s jaw, but let it drop just as quickly. “you know that children of the big three cause more trouble. maybe we managed it when it was the two of us, but now, there’s more to consider. a child of poseidon and a child of zeus, travelling together. it’s like we’re asking to be killed. it’s too dangerous.”

“that’s our life,” luke snapped. “you can’t just run from it.” from us.

you faltered, looking back to where annabeth and thalia were sleeping peacefully. 

oh. he must have said that last part out loud, too. 

“you know i’m right,” is all you said.

luke could only shake his head again. because, fine, you weren’t entirely wrong. it was more dangerous — but it was danger luke hoped you’d all face, together. 

“i’ve made up my mind,” you added, an anchor in the sand.

“don’t leave.” luke’s words came out as a prayer. if he offered something, maybe you’d stay.

you paused to take a shaky breath. “this isn’t goodbye, luke. i swear to poseidon…fuck, i swear to all the gods that this isn’t goodbye.”

luke couldn’t speak. there were tears bubbling in his throat, threatening to spill. 

“so, keep this for me,” you whispered, once again placing your hand on top of luke’s. his fingers gripped your cassette player tightly, like it was the only piece of driftwood leftover from a shipwreck, keeping him from sinking into the cold, dark nothing. “you’ll give it back when we see each other again.”

a promise. 

“fine,” luke conceded, though he wanted to scream at you. he wanted to argue like little kids — petty, loud, meaningless, back and forth until tears streamed down cheeks and throats were raw. 

but, you were leaving, one way or another. luke didn’t want this shared memory to be tainted if it might be your last.

“you have to take this, then. give it back when we see each other again.”

luke removed the chain from around his neck, the one that held the key to his childhood home. he placed it around yours, instead.

he didn’t need the key now, but his mother had given it to him when he was six. before he knew what it meant to be the son of hermes, god of thieves. 

call him sentimental, but luke had kept it. just in case he ever got lost. 

“if you’re ever back in connecticut, you have a home.”

“yeah, okay.” you smiled softly. 

it fell just as quickly. 

“take care of them,” you told him. “of yourself, too. i’ll see you again when it’s safe.”

luke didn’t ask when it would be safe, because the truth is that it might never be.

“because you want your cassette player back?” luke joked, instead trying to lighten the mood, to capture one last moment of brightness.

you laughed softly to not wake the others. 

“yeah. that too.”

you pressed your forehead to his, something you hadn’t done since you were kids. 

“i’ll see you again,” you repeated.

without another word, you got up and jogged away. luke shut his eyes, refusing to see you become nothing but a shadow. 

(you looked back several times, but he couldn’t see through the darkness.)

now

call the gods out on their bullshit (you encourage it), but if they have one thing going for them, it’s that the olympians know how to throw a party. 

the night grows darker, yet somehow becomes more lively. demeter and persephone had supplied a generous amount of fresh, decadent fruit, and dionysus an even more generous amount of wine. apollo starts a karaoke corner and you’re just tipsy enough to agree to sing a duet with him in order to break the ice. apparently, he’s a big midnight sirens fan and had seen your band when you headlined at glastonbury festival. you smile to yourself, imagining your bandmates’ faces if you told them that the god of music had watched you perform.

as you hand the microphone to a giggling dryad, the sound of your name washes over like gentle waves on a shore.

“if it isn’t my sweet, summer child!” your father brings you in for a hug and an ocean breeze engulfs you — salt and sand and sun. 

“hi dad,” you exhale as you pull away. 

you hadn’t seen each other in a while, but poseidon looks the same. he’s dressed in a turquoise hawaiian shirt and birkenstocks with a crown of seashells on his head. there’s a cocktail umbrella in his glass, a slice of pineapple wedged onto the rim. you’re about to ask him how he managed to secure a pina colada and where you might find one, too.

“that was quite the performance!” poseidon takes an eager sip of his drink, green eyes sparkling like sea glass in the sun. “i must tell you: your newest album is all the rage in atlantis. the nereids and merpeople can’t seem to get enough of it and, truthfully, i find myself playing it on repeat as well. you’re quite talented.” 

you try not to let your shock slip through, instead smiling and asking how things are in his underwater kingdom, but you’re….touched at your father’s unexpected praise.

the gods aren’t perfect, and your father is no exception. they’re divine beings who have time to conceive children, but not to raise them. there’s a long history of them abandoning, mistreating, and manipulating their own offspring. of course, being the prophecy child, it became practically impossible for your father to ignore you; you’re sure that being dubbed the saviour of olympus gives him bragging rights with his immortal family. even with their sworn promise to change, it’s impossible not to resent the gods in some ways. 

still, you feel comforted by your father's presence at times — when you catch the perfect wave on your surfboard, for example, or when you sit on your fire escape during a storm after a bad day. it’s been like that pretty much all your life: poseidon there in spirit, not in practice. despite everything, he’s watched over you, and percy, throughout the years.

and here poseidon is now, grinning at you like you’re his pride and joy. 

“enough about aquatic politics.” he pats your shoulder enthusiastically after telling you about the struggles of keeping humans from overfishing. “i came over to wish you a happy birthday. and to give you this.” 

poseidon reaches into the pocket of his shirt and hands you something you’d long thought gone: a leather cord with several clay beads and a silver key.

“i found it off the california coast,” he explains. “i kept meaning to get it to you, but i suppose time has a way of getting away from us, immortal or not.”

a warmth grows in your chest as you run your thumb over your old camp necklace, bright and full. it had fallen off one day when you’d gone surfing, and you assumed it was lost to the ocean. you'd been given a fresh leather cord when you arrived at camp earlier this summer, but it felt empty. hollow.

“thanks, dad.” 

you smile at him as you put on the necklace; it feels like coming home. your father then asks you about your summer so far.

you tell him all about your life as of late, until you catch a glimpse of luke with van on a marble bench at the other end of the pavilion. van is sitting in luke’s lap, and they lean over to whisper something in his ear before kissing his cheek. 

you freeze mid-way through your sentence.

sensing the shift in mood, poseidon frowns. he turns his head to follow your gaze.

“ah.” poseidon turns back to you and clears his throat. “now, i don’t mean to pry, but i saw you earlier with the castellan boy.”

you flush at the fact that your moment with luke was witnessed by your own father. “dad —”

“did you know in ancient greece, throwing someone an apple and having them catch it is considered a marriage proposal?”

“i’m pretty sure that was disproven,” you scoff.

poseidon raises an eyebrow at you, clearly amused. “which one of us was actually there, hm?” and though you roll your eyes, you can’t argue with that. “i just wanted to know if there was a wedding happening in the near future.”

you almost choke on the last remnants of your wine. “dad.”

“i’m kidding. i’m kidding! mr. castellan seems otherwise occupied.” 

“yeah, it does seem that way,” you grumble.

poseidon puts a hand on your shoulder, firm but reassuring. “regardless: if you find someone who would go to tartarus and back with you, someone who would fight alongside you every step of the way, you hold on to them. there’s only so much time you mortals have on this earth.”

you sigh — easier said than done — but your father is trying, so you manage a nod.

“i’ll keep that in mind.”

“now, i better go — ” poseidon looks over your shoulder, where the air behind you starts to feel staticky. “it seems a disagreement is brewing between zeus and hades. they always get into it whenever dionysus makes the wine a bit too strong. brother, put away the lightning bolt —” and he rushes away to prevent another divine conflict from arising.

left to your own devices, you venture over to the food table, finding an array of fresh and dried fruit, breads, cured meat, fresh oysters and, of course, more wine. you grab a goblet and a few dried figs.

“careful, i heard dionysus made the wine extra strong tonight,” someone warns, creeping up beside you. the voice is soft and alluring, and you feel something tug at your heart. 

you do a double take when you turn to them; the person is devilishly handsome, a golden aura paired with a golden smile. 

(you will soon find out that the god flirting with you is the son of ares and aphrodite, the latter of which takes the appearance of whoever the onlooker loves. as it turns out, her son appears in the same way. 

all this to say: it doesn’t mean anything that this god looks like luke castellan to you. 

it doesn’t mean anything at all.)

“i’m eros.”

“hey. i’m —”

“i know who you are, savior of olympus.” eros winks at you. “i just never realized you were so beautiful.”

your cheeks heat up as you take a sip of your drink.

oh, shit. 

okay. the literal god of desire and pleasure is flirting with you. 

you’re flattered, really, and maybe the wine has gotten to your head, but you’re not eager to turn him away.

“well, i’ve definitely heard about you, and the rumors do not do you justice,” you quip, painting on a flirtatious smile.

eros puffs out his chest, clearly pleased. 

over the next few minutes, you decide that eros can hold a decent conversation, asking you the classic first date questions about your likes and dislikes, and he’s cute enough that you wouldn’t mind things going further. 

(he might be a god, but he’s no luke. you push that thought away, and force yourself to flirt with helios. eros. right, eros.)

eros leans in close, pretends to listen to you, lets his gaze drop every so often to the deep v-neck of your shirt.  

“no way! 13 going on 30 is a classic,” you argue. you nudge your shoulder into eros’s playfully, and let the contact between you linger. eros, the inspiration for cupid himself, has angel wings, and you feel them brush softly against your burning skin. 

“it’s totally overrated!” eros exclaims. “also, the childhood friends to lovers trope gives people false hope.”

“it’s not false hope. it’s about the buildup to their happily ever after,” you reason, swallowing some wine to dislodge the lump in your throat.

eros shakes his head. “trust me, baby, it’s all about the instant attraction. that’s where the excitement is.” 

he’s so close now, you can smell the sharp alcohol on his breath. not wine, but something stronger.

“oh? what do you mean by that?” you lean impossibly closer, trailing a finger down his chest.

eros smirks, placing a hand on your thigh. “want me to demonstrate?” 

not even a second after you whisper a yes, eros crashes his lips onto yours, and you will yourself to kiss back. he slides his tongue in your mouth, runs his hands over your body. 

you’re making out with the god of desire and passion, so, objectively, it’s a good first kiss: soft around the edges and firm where it needs to be.

sure — you feel nothing, no real spark, but it’s almost enough to fill the hole in your heart in the shape of a certain son of hermes. 

the son of hermes who has moved on and is in a loving relationship with a perfect emotionally available partner. 

so, it’s fine. 

this, this thing with eros, is fine. 

you’re fine.

eros pulls away first, but keeps a hand on your cheek.

“let's get out of here.” 

he grabs your wrist before you have a chance to answer. you stand up, let him weave you through the crowd towards the stairs of the pavilion. apparently, his room is just through the garden. 

as he tugs you along, he looks back at you, smiling. under the glow of the stars, eros looks just like luke, except it’s becoming harder to ignore that he isn’t luke and that makes you feel all sorts of nauseous. your camp necklace weighs on your chest and, in particular, the silver key that you’d kept for all those years burns through your skin. 

lightheaded, you pull away from eros’ grip just as you reach the top of the stairs and place a hand on the column next to you to steady yourself.

eros turns around sharply. “what is it?”

“i changed my mind, actually. let’s just…keep talking here.”

eros grabs your wrist again, his grip tighter than before. “don’t be a tease.” his tone is ever-so-gentle, but there’s an edge behind his words. 

this time, your voice comes out more assertive. “i just changed my mind. that doesn’t make me a tease.”

“come on, baby, don’t you wanna experience what real passion is? this is a once in a lifetime opportunity that a million girls would kill for. you’d be an idiot to pass it up.” he brags, and you’re this close to breaking this guy’s nose, god or not. 

“i don’t care,” you snap, struggling to break free from his grip. “and i’m not your baby.”

“okay, whatever,” eros rolls his eyes, but quickly plasters on an arrogant grin. “we’ll go somewhere private and i’ll call you whatever you want.”

he manages to drag you down two steps as you strain against his iron grip, now almost cutting off your circulation. your heartbeat quickens and you feel dizzy. finally, you grab onto the railing for leverage and use your strength to rip out of his grip, forcing eros to stop in his tracks.

“what is it now?” he snaps, whipping his head around once more. 

he looks nothing like luke, now.

“just stop, eros.”

“listen,” he starts, speaking to you almost mockingly, like you’re a naive little kid. so much for being the savior of olympus. “trust me, i know what people want, so you don’t have to be shy. i promise to be the best you’ve ever had —”

“eros, is it?” the rest of the party is in full motion, but here’s percy, giving eros one of the most intense death stares you’ve ever seen. percy, your little brother who talks to lonely fish at the aquarium; who, if you cut open, would bleed blue m&m’s; who would never let anyone, god or otherwise, hurt someone he loves. “i’m gonna have to ask you to let go of my sister.”

“mind your own business, kid,” eros hisses. “we’re kinda in the middle of something.” he tries to move you down another step, but you stand your ground.

annabeth, no longer the scared little seven year old you, luke, and thalia found behind a dumpster, is also glaring at liam from the top of the stairs. one of her hands rests firmly on her belt, where she keeps her dagger. 

“i’d back off, if i were you,” she warns. “wouldn’t want to cause a scene.”

“just mind your own business,” eros snarls.

“they said leave her alone,” thalia asserts, walking over once she sees what’s happening. “and you don’t wanna mess with us, trust me.” she clenches her hand into a fist.

“who the fuck are you? her bodyguards?” 

“just let her go,” percy orders. “my sister can do a lot better than a minor god with a major god complex.” 

eros growls, baring his teeth at percy. “you impertinent little shit.”

as soon as eros lunges for your brother, you tug one of his wings towards you, hard. he whips around and you take the opportunity to punch him in the face. he doubles over, golden ichor gushing from his nose.

“i’d be careful if i were you, baby,” you seethe. “you wouldn’t want to go up against the demigods who led an army against kronos and won. unless, of course, humiliation is a kink of yours.” you laugh humorlessly at the way eros scowls at your words. “to each their own,” you continue. “but i’m not in the mood to fuck an entitled creep with angel wings to compensate for his tiny dick. you better fucking respect that, and leave us alone while you’re at it.”

eros’ flirtatious smile is long gone, replaced with the kind of anger only entitled, self-important jerks have when they don’t get what they want and they’ve taken a few blows to their ego. 

call it stupidity or arrogance, but his only response is a punch delivered right back to your face. 

you hear a crack upon impact, and pain radiates from your nose. you stumble, but percy manages to reach out and catch you before you fall down the stairs. he holds you as thalia and annabeth create a barrier between you and eros. you hear them shouting at eros over the music, but their exact words don’t register.

you lick your lips, tasting blood. your ears are ringing, and everything is suddenly all fuzzy. percy tries his best, but you slump your body weight into his and he almost topples over.

“i’ve got her.” luke’s calm and measured voice cuts through the chaos. you feel a strong, familiar arm wrap around your waist to steady you. “from what i remember, you were too much of a coward to even step foot on the battlefield, so i’d listen to her if you know what’s good for you.” in a haze, you guess that luke is directing his sharp words towards eros, before turning to the others and instructing: “you guys take care of this — find clarisse if you need back up.”

somehow, you find yourself over in a small secluded temple, sitting on a window bench overlooking the clouds as luke sits next to you.

like most of olympus, the building is made of marble with gold accents; this one has roses engraved on the walls, and the space smells like flowery perfume. it’s much quieter than the pavilion, though you can hear laughter and music in the distance. it’s cooler, too, but not by much; even without all the body heat, you're left with sticky summer air, and luke’s breath on yours, sweet with wine and ripe fruit, as he carefully examines your injury.

you feel your head spinning all over again. maybe it’s the alcohol, or the adrenaline, or the fact that the two of you haven’t been this close in a while — probably a dangerous mix of all three. 

you know (from trying not to but ultimately not being able to pull your attention away from him after all) that he’s had a few drinks as well; it seems like the two of you ignore each other best when you’re sober.

“thought the curse of achilles would protect you from nosebleeds.”

“guess it doesn’t protect against —” what did percy call eros? “ — minor gods who have major god complexes,” you recite.

luke looks slightly amused. “that’s a shame,” he hums. “would have been nice to get one birthday without being injured.”

a smile creeps onto your face, despite the dull ache from your nose.

“you remembered.”

“of course i remember,” luke almost scoffs like the mere suggestion of forgetting what day you were born is an insult to his very character. he meets your gaze, and you could melt when he offers you that lopsided smile of his, painfully familiar. “happy birthday, aquagirl,” and it’s the softest he’s spoken to you in a while. just like old times.

he remembers. 

somewhere within him, luke holds on to fragments of you.

he wipes the blood off your face, the sleeve of his silk white button-down now stained crimson. “how’s your hand?” he asks. 

you flex your fingers. “it’s been better,” you answer, your knuckles slightly aching. “totally worth it.”

“i guess all those years away didn’t change anything. still willing to put a god in their place, huh?”

all those years away. 

the reminder feels like a stab to the heart, and you’re worried that it might burst the comfortable bubble you and luke had drunkenly stumbled into. 

thankfully, luke continues:

“the kids really take after you.”

he says as a joke, mostly, but there’s a sincerity in those deep brown eyes of his, too. something you also hadn’t seen from him in a while. 

the kids, who you’d in some ways raised together when monsters were trying to kill you and the gods didn’t care enough to stop it. 

the family you and luke had built together despite being born into the world of greek tragedies. 

“as if annabeth wasn’t threatening to pull the dagger you gave her, skywalker,” the nickname rolling off your tongue with ease. “besides, they’re not kids anymore.”

“yeah.” he pauses. “neither are we.” 

luke’s fingers trace your camp necklace, brush against your collarbone. the breath hitches in your throat.

here you are again, at the edge of something real and very scary, and you fear luke is going to push the two of you over. 

but he doesn’t. instead, luke suggests, jokingly: “maybe we should start a fight club at camp.” 

you take that as a good sign: like you, he’s hoping to preserve the playfulness between you before everything else seeps in and ruins it. before you’re brought back to the present, where you’re practically ignoring each other.

where you’re fine, but really. 

you snort. “chiron and mr. d would love that.”

“like they’d ever find out!” luke explains. “you know the first rule of fight club —”

“don’t talk about fight club,” you finish together. 

luke laughs, even though it’s not that funny. you laugh, too. 

and that’s the thing that really, truly gets you. 

try as you might to ignore it, some days it’s hard to forget the pain and heartache and grief. 

you still feel like your life is a battlefield; you still see the ghosts of everyone you couldn’t save even though people call you a savior; you still have those scars, inside and out, that seemed healed but ache every once and a while. 

but that isn’t all. 

sometimes it hurts more thinking back to the good times and knowing, deep down, you can never go back.

summer — age 13

“ugh — you think with all their power, the gods could help stop global warming,” you groaned, swatting away a mosquito that tried to land on you. “do you think they have air conditioning on olympus?”

“oh, for sure,” luke quipped. he gave you a lopsided smile, his curls sticking to his forehead, drenched in sweat. 

it was the summer solstice, the longest and the hottest day of the year so far. the two of you had found a perfectly good hideout, but luke insisted that this place would be worth the move. 

he’d been leading you down side streets for what felt like forever. the sun had already set, and you were very close to passing out from the heat, until luke finally stopped at a door behind an alley, with a sign reading CLOSED FOR RENOVATIONS. 

luke knelt down to do whatever son-of-hermes lock magic he had to do to get the door open. he flipped a switch, and you winced at the sudden overwhelming brightness. 

the destination was different than the hideouts you usually sprung for: those small, hole-in-the-wall type places. instead, this space was big and bright, filled with arcade games and fun posters and neon colours. the type of place a kid might have a party or where a group of normal teenagers might spend their friday night. 

“what…what is this?”

“you thought i forgot, didn’t you?” luke smirked at you. he sat down on the colourful carpet, taking out some snacks, a small plastic bag with coins, a wrapped box, and a plastic blue crown, and gestured for you to join.

you did, in fact, think that luke had forgotten your birthday. 

birthdays were bittersweet for children of gods, who were constantly reminded that any year could be their last, their youth cut short by monsters or prophecies or a fatal flaw. all the two of you usually did on either birthday was split any sweet treat you could get your hands on. 

it wasn’t a big deal, really, to skip that tradition of yours. there were much more urgent things to worry about, like finding food and water and shelter, and not being devoured by monsters. 

you did think it was strange that luke hadn’t so much as said happy birthday to you all day, but you knew that he loved you.

(like a friend loves a friend. nothing else, no matter how much your stomach fluttered at the thought of him.) 

“i wanted to surprise you,” luke explained once you claimed your spot next to him. he reached over to place the crown on your head. “i found this place a few days ago during a food run. it reminds me of where we had your —”

“eighth birthday party, yeah.” you smiled at the memory of running around and feeding quarters to every machine and trying every game, of your classmates singing happy birthday to you off-key before you all stuffed your faces with sickly sweet confetti cake. 

truthfully, you never thought about having another celebration like that again.

but, it was five years from that faded childhood memory, and luke was presenting you with something you didn’t even realize you had needed: the chance to be a kid again.

“so,” luke got up, a wide smile on his face. he held the plastic bag in one hand, extending the other to you. “which do you wanna play first?”

you started with space invaders, then moved on to dragon’s lair and pac-man. you took a break before street fighter ii so that luke could ceremoniously light a candle and present a cupcake that had been tossed around in his bag (but you were still very, very grateful for), along with fresh batteries for your portable cassette player. he had made you a mixtape too, though you couldn’t figure out how. 

your last stop was a photobooth. you vowed to keep those pictures — a collection of you and luke together, smiling bright and colourful, goofing off and laughing — for the rest of your life.

now

those moments from past summers are like popsicles melting in the sun: tangible for a limited time before leaving you with a sickly sweet mess of what once was. 

you think about what happened earlier, how percy, annabeth, and thalia stepped in to protect you, still the brave kids you had once known so well. how luke is here with you now, taking care of you so tenderly even after you’ve silently agreed to give each other the cold shoulder. 

maybe luke is right. maybe all those years away didn’t change anything. 

except — once you leave this temple and the alcohol leaves your system, it won’t be the same. 

none of you are kids anymore, if you ever even were. 

“why’d you go for eros, anyway?” luke asks, breaking you away from your thoughts. he removes his sleeve from your nose since the bleeding seems to have finally stopped.

“you really wanna know?”

“yeah. most gods are assholes. and you’re…” luke places a hand close to your leg, pinky finger brushing your thigh. “you.”

“i went for eros because….well, honestly, i don’t think i cared who it was, as long as they made me forget you,” you admit, because what did you have to lose. you probably have a broken nose, you definitely have blood on your shirt, and your time with luke is running out. 

luke’s eyes darken. his fingers start to play with the hem of your shorts. 

“did it work?” his voice is a whisper, but he’s close enough that he’s crystal clear.

“no.”

it’s hard to determine who leans in first, but soon enough your lips are on luke’s — messy and urgent. noses bumping together, teeth clacking against each other. he cradles your face in his hands, and you move to straddle his waist. you taste wine on his tongue, and maybe a hint of sweet pears, but it’s overwhelmed by the salty, metallic taste of blood stained on your lips. when you run out of air, you pull away. it’s clearer now: you’re not dizzy from the alcohol or adrenaline, but dizzy from him. luke’s gaze is heavy on yours as he traces your top lip with his thumb.

“luke,” you whimper, itching to kiss him again. 

“you’re still bleeding.”

luke wipes away the blood with his thumb. before either of you can do or say anything more, there’s an echo of footsteps on the marble floor. a flower nymph, there to leave an offering and let you know that, while aphrodite encourages acts of love, she prefers it doesn’t happen in her place of worship. 

you realize that aphrodite also might not look so fondly at you kissing someone else in her place of worship after publicly rebuking her own son.

luke untangles himself from you, and you know that he’s been jolted back to reality, too. 

and, just like that, another moment has melted away.

your father was right. time has a way of slipping away for us, immortal or not.

summer — age 18

“hey, you awake?”  

“yeah,” you replied softly. sleep hadn’t been easy, in the days and weeks and months leading up to that final battle with kronos and his army. 

and once it was all over? 

you rested your head on luke’s shoulder, sword discarded at your feet and armour half-removed, as argus, the hundred-eyed security guard of olympus, drove a school bus with a dozen or so demigods back to camp.

“why’d you turn down their offer?” luke whispered.

oh.

"why...why do you ask?"

"i don't know." luke paused. "just curious, i guess."

you closed your eyes and replayed that moment on olympus when you refused the gift of immortality. the look of shock written on the gods’ faces. and on luke’s.

“i don’t care about living forever,” you told him bluntly.

forever seemed too long, especially for someone who was prophesied to die at 18.

you tilted your head up to meet luke’s gaze, and his messy curls brushed against your forehead. evidence of the battle was clear on his face: caked-on dirt and blossoming bruises and dried blood. 

behind him, outside the bus window, the world was flying by. a child who had fallen off their bike being comforted by a friend. two people sharing an mp3 player and a pair of earbuds. an elderly couple walking their dog.

“you once told me that this was our life,” you continued, gesturing towards the weapons and battle-worn kids, some quiet, others crying, many injured. “what if it didn’t have to be?” 

luke furrowed his brow. “do you mean….are you talking about leaving?”

you shrugged. running from monsters for your entire childhood then being the child of the great prophecy was a lot.

a break might be nice.

there was so much about the world, the one you’d fought and bled to protect, that you wanted to experience. 

maybe something closer to a normal life.

“would you ever leave camp?” you wondered, not really answering luke's question. 

“no,” luke replied instantly. his fingers started fiddling with the beads on his necklace. “i can’t just walk away, not after everything.”

“yeah, i get that.” and you did; you really, truly, did. the guilt of wanting to leave camp curled in your stomach like a venomous snake. you took a shaky breath. “let’s talk about this later, yeah? i’m tired, and we have the rest of — ”

the rest of the summer slipped away in the blink of an eye. gone, before you even had a real chance to say goodbye.

you closed your eyes and held on to luke, as if gripping his arm would anchor you to something you weren't ready to let go of, but in some ways needed to move on from.

it was no use, though. 

by the end of august, you’d be gone too. 

now 

you learned early on that the curse of achilles doesn’t protect you from hangovers.

you wake up the morning after the celebration on olympus with a deep, throbbing pain lodged in your temple and an uncomfortable swirling in your gut. parties and late nights at bars are common on tour, which means migraines are, too, so you have a routine to make sure you’re not out of commission for too long.

except this time, the aspirin and blue gatorade and dry toast don’t work. the sting in your brain and uneasiness in your stomach doesn’t go away, even after a few days. you haven’t been able to sleep, either.

desperate for a cure, you consult lou ellen, head counsellor of the hecate cabin, who you’d unexpectedly grown close to in the past few weeks. she mixes something for you, while asking if there’s something that’s been weighing on you.

you couldn't keep it in anymore; you tell her about the summer solstice and luke.  

later, with nothing but your thoughts and percy’s snoring occupying your time post-curfew, you grab your phone and flip it open, deciding to finally reach out to luke, when you get a text from him.

luke is already on the beach when you arrive, looking out onto the water. 

“hey,” you greet as you sit next to him on the sand, but not too close. “i was actually about to text you —”

“did you tell anyone that we kissed?” he interrupts. you can’t quite read his expression as he waits for you to answer.

“no, i didn’t,” you lie. “would it matter if i did?”

“well, i mean, word travels fast around camp, and i don’t want van finding out. it’s not like it meant anything.”

the throbbing in your brain becomes a sharper sting, the uneasiness in your stomach a tidal wave of nausea.

“it didn’t?” you hate how fragile your voice sounds, compared to luke’s stoic demeanor.

luke shrugs. “i mean, we were both drunk and the thing with eros happened…we just got caught up in the heat of the moment.” 

“you’re saying there’s nothing between us, then? nothing?” the word tastes bitter in your mouth.

luke turns away before he answers. “no. nothing.”

“then what about last summer?” you demand. you force yourself to keep it together, your tone firmer than before. “i guess that didn’t mean anything, either.”

“y/n…” he sighs. “i don’t know what you want me to say. we’re barely even friends anymore. you come back here, after all this time, after so much shit happened, and expect us all to drop everything to fit you back into our lives. but, you don't. whatever you came here for, it's not here for you. there's nothing to go back to. we moved on. i moved on, and i can’t deal with you —" 

“got it,” you snap, already turning to walk away. “loud and fucking clear, luke.” 

it’s not like it meant anything. we’re barely even friends anymore.

you replay luke’s words as you crawl into bed, holding back tears so as to not disturb percy. finally, you swallow a generous amount of whatever concoction lou ellen had brewed up for you.

drifting off into your own sleep, you decide that you don’t love luke anymore. not as a friend, not as a.....

nope. 

according to luke, there's not even anything to go back to.

nothing.

nothing.

[emotionoitme]

trouble

trouble - coldplay

part 3 of don’t call my name

warnings: angst, hurt + arguing but it’s steamy, drinking and clubbing, some violence (she gets grabbed and threatened but nothing happens), guard dog carmy bark bark, carmy throws hands & brief mention of blood. comfort sex, sappy and sweet but hot, it’s unprotected what else did you expect from me, dirty talk, some drama with claire i’m sorry 

wc: 9.0k

a/n: so…i told everyone this was going to be 3 parts when it actually needs 4. i fear i am just too much of a yapper. i love these two and think i needed to do the story justice. so stay tuned for ch4. hehehehe. hope u enjoy!!! (it is going to get angsty) 

playlist

carmen berzatto is a shitty communicator. 

this we know to be a fact. 

it’s just, sometimes when there are a thousand thoughts swarming around his head, it’s easier to not say anything at all. that makes sense, right? 

the girl wakes up the next morning to find herself alone. the plush king sized bed almost mocks her with emptiness.

she knows that carmy is a hard worker. a michelin star kitchen doesn’t just run itself. still, it might be nice to get a note, or text, or anything that would reassure her last night wasn’t just some fluke to to him. 

the silence of the apartment is almost deafening. she trudges down the stairs and walks to the kitchen, pouring herself what was left in the coffee pot from carmy’s early morning. 

she feels lethargic, sore, and a little stung from waking up alone. no text or anything, she thinks. 

but there was still time. maybe he was just really busy today. she pushes away the negative thoughts and slaps both of her cheeks lightly, trying to wake herself up. it would be a good day. he would text her or call her when he got a break. and they would talk about it. she puts a smile on her face at the delusion and hops back up the stairs to get dressed for work. 

the girl tries to busy herself when she gets there, picking up extra slack from coworkers and bustling around to finish projects. trying to not check her phone. 

she goes on lunch break with no text from him. 

gets off work at 5 with no text from him. 

throws his sheets in the wash and remakes his bed with no text from him. 

eats dinner with no text from him. 

watches a movie at 9:30 with, you guessed it. 

she throws her phone back onto the bed angrily, the false wall of positivity built in her mind beginning to crumble. she’s tired and annoyed, so she shuts off the movie and buries herself in bed, trying to push thoughts of him out of mind so she could sleep. 

she tells herself that they can talk tomorrow. but then, tomorrow comes and it’s the same nothing, almost like she didn’t even have a roommate. 

three silent days go by until the girl decides she’s had enough, and plans to wait up for him and have a talk. maybe he just wasn’t a texting type of guy, she tries to comfort herself. 

she grabs her book and a throw blanket and camps out on the couch, waiting for him to get home. 

it’s close to midnight before she hears keys jingling and the lock turning. her heart drops inexplicably but she remains nonchalant and continues reading her book until she hears him take a few steps inside. 

she turns her head, watching him talk on the phone as he slides his shoes off. he doesn’t notice her in the dim light of the living room, and his brows are furrowed, hand running through his messy curls. 

“yeah. yeah, i’m- i know….sorry again,” a pause, “okay. i’ll see you saturday. bye, claire.” 

her eyebrows shoot up at the name, the sinking feeling with in her stomach increasing tenfold. this motherfucker. 

carmen makes it halfway into the living room before he notices her on the couch, slightly startling at her presence, mumbling a “shit”

her face feels hot, but not in the good way she had grown accustomed to the past few weeks. 

“hey,” he greets softly, eyes looking tired, shoulders slumped. 

she just glares at him and goes back to reading her book. 

he says her name. she ignores him.

the man lets out a small scoff, stepping closer to the couch, hand on his hip. 

“what, you, uh, ignoring me?” 

she glances up at him and there’s a small smirk on his face, like he thinks it’s joke or something. 

she opens her mouth to say something mean, but stops herself. takes a deep breath. recenters. 

she slams her book shut and turns to face him. 

“i’m going to bed.” 

the man’s small smirk drops, watching as she shoots up from the couch and starts heading towards the stairs. he grabs her wrist to stop her. 

“hey,” he says, firmer this time. 

she whips around and pulls her arm back. 

“what?” she snaps. 

his brows furrow at her tone of voice. he pauses for a second, eyes raking down her face, taking in her expression. 

“why are you acting like that?” he asks. 

the question does nothing but make her feel angrier. 

“because you’re being fucking confusing,” the girl exclaims, her throat growing tight.

“how am i confusing?” carmen replies with a surge of annoyance, “you woke me up the other night with…” his eyes dart down her frame, “half your fuckin’ clothes on.” he tries to sound angry, but his voice betrays him a bit. truthfully, it was like his prayers had come true when he opened his eyes to find her straddling him in underwear and a tiny little top that barely kept her chest contained. 

“yeah cause i thought you were into me,” she frustratedly sighs, “but you’re just…using me to get over claire.” 

the allegation wasn’t rooted in fact. but that’s how the girl felt, and she confuses the two in the moment. 

“don’t say that.” he snaps, “that’s not fuckin’ true in the slightest.” carmen had been done with claire for months at this point. if anything, he had been trying to use claire to get over his roommate.

“it’s been three days since we-… and you haven’t said anything,” she sighs, rubbing her forehead, feeling a headache come on. 

he knows his, and feels guiltier than she could even imagine. but he also knows she’s leaving in a few short weeks, and doesn’t want to fall any deeper than he already has for her. 

“i got busy at work.” he defends. it’s a shitty excuse, but as usual, it’s the first to come to mind. 

her eyes brows crease further. 

“you have a phone.” she chides.

“i just…i didn’t think about it,” he lies, “i’m sorry.”

she scoffs and shakes her head. 

“god, you’re so-,” another sigh, “you know, whatever, carm.” she turns from him and begins to walk up the stairs. 

he hates how his eyes glance down to her ass, peaking out from beneath a pair of short shorts. 

god he’s a fucking loser, he tells himself. 

carmy calls her name again. she ignores him. 

-

the girl slams her bedroom door behind her and throws herself onto her bed. she tries to fight the hot, angry tears that stream down her face, telling herself it doesn’t really bother her. telling herself that he’s just another stupid guy, and she can find better. this does nothing to ease the burning feeling in her chest, though, a pair of soft blue eyes flashing in her mind. thinking of the way he was rough with her while still being gentle, kissing her face and calling her sweet names. thinking of how he held her and wiped her tears and assured her that things would work out. 

fucking asshole! 

she grabs her duvet and pulls it over her head, wrapping herself tightly and burrowing into the pillow. she tells herself that she won’t make the mistake of giving into him again. wouldn’t ever grace him with her lips or fingers or sweet moans again. 

she tells herself that she doesn’t need him. she could easily find someone else that would satisfy that same feral craving she had for carmen. 

in fact, tomorrow would be friday, and she hadn’t gone out in a long time. she decides on calling up a friend and making a friday night plan to go out. drink, dance, and prove to herself that there’s better for her out there than carmy. 

the girl aggressively rubs her face of tears and shoots up out of bed, grabbing her phone to send the invitation to a girlfriend. her phone pings with a quick response, and the girl confirms her plan for the following night, already envisioning what to wear. the thought of seeing carmy tomorrow night before she goes out makes her stomach churn. the thought of seeing him at all makes it churn, actually. 

she tells herself that she only has to stick it out for another month or so. then she would go back to california and things would be normal. no more stupid boys. no more heated touches. no more whimpers being greedily devoured by hungry kisses. 

she tells herself that’s what she wants. 

it doesn’t feel genuine in the slightest. 

the following morning she rummages through her closet and picks out a couple of skimpy options. she studies herself in the mirror, holding up the various items up in front of her nude body, wondering what carmy would think of the outfits. she quickly tries to push the thought out of mind. she doesn’t care what he thinks, she reminds herself. her eyes fixate on the finger-shaped bruises scattered about her hips. she thinks of how they got there. 

her day at work seems to go impossibly slow. the girl finds herself thinking of carmen constantly, caught between hoping there would be a text from him when she would check her phone and hoping she would never hear from him again. 

her mind frequently flashes to the way he handled her a few nights ago. how he kissed her obsessively. how he held her up once her legs had given out. how he relentlessly plowed into her and called her a pretty girl and told her she was made for him. 

the thought simultaneously makes her horny and angry, something that she had never experienced so vividly until now. she wanted to slap his face, but at the same time she wanted to kiss him and grind against him and beg for him again. 

it’s entirely confusing. 

by the time 10 o clock rolls around, she begins to get ready, meticulously styling her hair and applying her makeup. she opts for a sultry, smokey look, accentuating her eyes with dark shadow and liner, glossing her pouty lips with a clear lacquer. the girl tries to hurry the routine, anxious to make it out the door before carmen gets back. 

she strips her clothes off and slips into her club apparel, then decorates her look with rings, bracelets, earrings, and a necklace. as she slides her thigh high boots on, she hears the front door open, then slam closed.

“fuck,” she harshly exhales. looks like she would have to see him after all. 

carmy racks his keys onto the hook and steps out of his shoes, taking a deep breath at the relief of being home. it’s not until he notices the light coming from upstairs that the relief is replaced with a sense of anxiety. 

he knows he needs to fix things between him and his roommate, if he could even refer to her as just that anymore. he had felt like a jackass all week, but apologies were never really his strong suit. he didn’t even know where to start. 

the man empties his pockets out onto the credenza, then begins to make his way into the living room. he stops in his tracks when he hears the click of heels descending the stairs. 

as he turns his head and catches sight of her, he fights to stifle a groan. 

she comes down clad in a tight top and mini skirt, length of her legs emphasized by black thigh high boots. his eyes rake down her body, admiring the curve of her figure and the appealing fit of the clothes. he wishes that she would dress like that all the time, but he doesn’t tell her that, instead just opting for a casual, albeit slightly strained “hey.”

she looks at him, but doesn’t reply, instead sauntering over to their bar cart and pouring herself a shot. he realizes the top is backless, and clenches his jaw a bit, trying to recenter with a deep breath. 

“you, uh…you look nice,” he clears his throat. 

she throws back the shot and shivers. 

“thanks,” her response comes dryly, walking over to grab her purse, “i’ll be back in a few hours.”

carmen feels his brain stutter, processing what she said, his eyebrows furrowing. 

“wait you, uh, you’re going out dressed like that?” he can’t help but feel a bit protective, even if she is pissed off at him. the girl scoffs. 

“i can’t really go to the club in sweatpants, carm.” 

he rubs a hand over his face, trying to keep calm. 

“you could, uh….at least put a fuckin’ jacket on or something though?” he tries to suggest kindly. his tone betrays him. 

“yeah?” she turns towards him, “why the fuck do you care?” bite in her tone. 

his eyes fall over the multiple hickeys that litter her neck, then flicker over her face, realizing how striking her features look accentuated by dark makeup. she looks angry. a little hurt. he wants to say something soothing. 

“cause i-fuck,” hand threading through his hair messily, “because i know how guys think.” 

nice. real soothing. 

“yeah? n’what do they think?” she challenges. 

that anyone would want you. that you look fucking hot wearing those tight little clothes.

carmy opts to not respond so directly, and walks closer to her. 

“i just don’t want you to get… hurt.” his tone is firm, jaw set tightly. she lets out a sardonic laugh at this. at the fact that he’s her biggest source of hurt at the moment.

“what, you think it’s funny?” he barks, “you could get fuckin’…picked up or drugged or something.” 

she rolls her eyes. 

“that’s not gonna happen. i’m going with a friend.” she snatches her purse off the credenza, fumbling through it to make sure she has her id. he takes a few steps closer. until he can smell her sweet perfume. 

“well, let me drive you guys then.” 

she shakes her head. 

“no. we’re getting a cab.” zipping up her purse and hanging it over her shoulder. 

“fuck, then call me when you get there. and when you’re leaving.” he snaps a bit, becoming a bit fed up with her attitude. 

“not gonna fuckin’ call you, carmy,” her face scrunches up in anger, “i’ll probably end up going home with someone, anyways,” she fibs, locking eyes with him, unintentionally leaning in a bit. 

“you what?” he angers, moving even closer to her, their faces mere inches apart. 

she can feel the shot she took now, eyes darting down to his lips. fuck his deodorant. the smell of it makes her want to give in.

“‘mgonna find someone tonight,” her tone lower now, lids low, “‘n they’re gonna fuck me better than you ever will.” 

he scoffs, blood boiling at her words, shaking his head, eyebrow twitching. 

“yeah, uh, that’s not gonna fuckin’ happen.” his hand comes to wrap around her hip, squeezing. his face comes closer, lips nearly ghosting hers.

“yeah?” she challenges, actively fighting to keep from diving in, eyes locked on his lips.

“yeah,” tone firm, “tell your friend you’re staying in tonight.” 

she doesn’t know why she feels so turned on. still pissed off, yes, but mostly aroused. 

she rolls her eyes and lets out a laugh to hide this, but he can tell. he can always tell by the slight flutter of her eyelids and the way she’ll part her lips. he knows that she likes when he talks to her like that. 

the girl channels all of her strength and steps away from him, opening the front door. 

“see you tomorrow,” she chimes, walking out. he calls her name as she walks away, but she ignores him. he tells himself he’s too proud to chase after her, but really he wants to do nothing more. 

as she makes her way down the hall, his eyes rake down her exposed back, settling on her shapely ass. 

this girl was going to drive him fucking crazy. 

-

carmy berzatto (2hrs): you make it there? 

missed call from carmy berzatto (1hr)

carmy berzatto (30min): call me if you need a ride home. 

the girl shuts off her phone, shoving it back in her purse and strutting to the bar counter. sure, now he cared enough to send a text. 

jealous motherfucker. 

it had been a girls night out until her friend went home with an ex boyfriend, leaving her all alone at the club. she leans over the counter, pushing her hair over her shoulder. her feet are sore from the boots she had picked out, coupled with an hour or so of nonstop dancing. 

the girl had planned to leave as soon as her friend did, but made the mistake of passing through the main room where they were playing 2000s music. she couldn’t just not dance to 2000s. 

the bartender works quickly to accommodate the numerous orders. she feels the drink she had been sipping on affecting her, comfortably bathing in the multicolored lights of the club. it was packed with people, and she had been noticing eyes on her all night. 

the girl feels a hand on her lower back, and she turns to meet the eyes of a tall man.

“hi,” he says.

“hey,” she softly replies.

he was admittedly handsome, and his muscular stature didn’t hurt to look at either. 

“can i buy you a drink?” the man asks. 

the girl softly smiles and nods. he raises his hand to flag the bartender. she was planning on getting a water, but since she wasn’t paying for it…

the stranger makes small talk with her, the two having to practically yell into each other’s ear to hear over the bass of the music. jobs, what part of town they live, compliments. not that she really cares about any of it, though she tries to. 

as he leans in to ask if she’ll dance with him, he places his hand on her waist. she tries to ignore how it doesn’t feel right. 

he’s cute, she tells herself, and i needs to stop thinking about carmy. 

the girl takes a long sip of her drink and nods softly, taking his hand and leading him to the dance floor. they squeeze through the crowd of bodies, and she turns to face him, hand on his chest. he places a hand on her lower back, and they begin to move to the beat. she takes another long sip of her drink, closing her eyes, coming closer to the man, swaying her hips. his deodorant doesn’t smell as good as carmen’s does. doesn’t comfort her like his does. 

she takes another sip, and she circles around, moving her hips, facing away from the man. the music resonates through the whole building, lights flash and change color, making her movements feel dreamlike. he places his hands on her hips. 

she wishes that she liked how it felt. 

the man presses his hips into her backside. she imagines it’s carmen, and the thought makes her bite down onto her lip. her head falls back against his chest. she thinks of her roommate’s strong arms. his tattoos. the way his face scrunched up when he fully engulfed himself in her. the girl lets out a breath. her skin feels hot and sticky in the muggy club air. she takes another long sip of alcohol, feeling lips on her neck. they feel strange and unfamiliar. it doesn’t set off that tingling sensation in her lower stomach. she groans out of frustration. 

“mmm you like that don’t you, pretty girl?” the man slurs into her ear. 

the name makes her heart drop, and all of the sudden she feels like she needs to throw up. she shoves the stranger’s hands away and stumbles forward, pushing her way out of the crowd. the floor feels like it’s tilting on an axis as she cringes at the feeling of other sweaty bodies touching her. she gets shoved into by a big group and loses her drink. 

it’s suddenly hard to breathe. the girl feels her throat tighten, her chest burning, wiping hot tears away. she fights and pushes and weaves through the crowd until she finally breaks free, making a beeline for the glowing red exit sign. the girl shoves the door open, almost tripping over the frame, and stumbles out into the cold night. 

the frigid air helps alleviate some of her nausea, skin rising in goosebumps. she trudges along the brick wall and leans her back against it, focusing on taking deep breaths. her hands run through her messy hair, pushing it out of her face, closing her eyes, trying to stop the steady flow of tears. 

this night was supposed to be fun, but all she wanted to do was go home and sleep this booze off. all she wanted was carmen. 

her hands fumble through her purse, grabbing her phone. she drops it, muttering a “shit,” and crouches down to pick it up. she squints her eyes at the light of the display, struggling to navigate to the uber app. she enters her address, cursing internally when she sees the friday night surge prices. instead, she exits uber and finds her contacts, hovering over the number of a cab company. her eyes glance towards carmen's contact, right below. 

she doesn’t want to call him. he was being an asshole, and she hates how easily he was able to get under her skin. so she dials the contact for the cab, listening to the line ring. and ring. and ring. almost infinitely, then a automated voice of “your call cannot be completed.” 

“fuck,” she curses, terminating the call. 

her eyes fixate on his name, pausing and contemplating. 

she rolls her eyes and dials it. the line rings twice and gets picked up with a raspy greeting and a “y’okay?” 

she stays silent for a second, not sure what to say. he says her name. 

“did you know that you are-” she hiccups, “s-so mean?” it’s the only thing that comes to mind. 

“are you drunk?” he asks.

“no. m’not” she argues, wiping a stray tear. 

“you sound drunk,” he retorts, “where are you? i’m coming to get you.” 

“you’re so fucking…rude. ‘nyou think you can just do whatever you want because you’re so-” hiccup, “hot… and big…you irritate me, carm,” she slurs into the line. she opens her mouth to say more, but he cuts her off by saying her name sternly. 

“you at prysm? tunnel?” 

“yeah. that one.” she hiccups again. 

“tunnel? okay, stay right there. i’m getting in my car now.” 

“ok but i’m still mad at you,” she murmurs, leaning against the cool brick. he scoffs, and starts saying something about her bad attitude, but she cuts him off by hanging up, harshly exhaling and closing her eyes tightly. the tears continue falling, so she just tries to focus on her breathing. 

a cool breeze causes her to stiffen, wrapping her arms around herself, shivering. it’s uncomfortable, but grounding. her head stops spinning so much as she begins to breathe deeply. the tears come to a steady stop, but the aching in her chest doesn’t. she wishes carmen would hold her and kiss her head. 

around fifteen minutes pass before she hears the back door of the club open. the girl keeps her eyes shut, hoping whoever it was wouldn’t bother her. though it seems she’s not so lucky tonight, unfortunately. 

“hey, you,” a deep voice says. she snaps her eyes open to find the same tall man she was dancing with earlier standing in front of her. 

she just stares at him silently, crossing her arms in front of her to help provide some modesty. 

“listen, i think we get along well. and you’re really hot,” he explains drunkenly, “why don’t i help you get home?” 

she feels icked out, trying to refrain from rolling her eyes.

“m’not interested, sorry. i have someone coming to pick me up.” 

the man scoffs. 

“you were plenty interested earlier when i bought you a drink,” taking a step closer to her, “c’mon. don’t be a tease.” he has a smirk on his face. she feels her heart begin to pound against her chest. 

carmy was right, it was a mistake to come out. she tries to take a step away from him, blocked by the hard brick wall. 

“seriously, i’m not interested,” she tries to sound assertive, “my boyfriend will be here any second so just leave me alone.” she hopes he can’t read through her lie. 

“your boyfriend?” he asks, smirk turning into a grin, “you’re a naughty girl, aren’t you? someone should fucking straighten you out.”

her heart drops to her stomach, and she feels sick all over again. she steps forward to shove past him, and he grabs her waist, slamming her back into the wall. 

“don’t fucking touch me!” she yells, grabbing his wrists and digging her nails in. he doesn’t let go. tears begin to stream down her face, heart hammering against her ribcage. she sees headlights from down the street and prays that it’s carmen, continuing to struggle against the man. 

the car speeds up to the curb and jerks to a stop, door flying open. she shuts her eyes tightly and digs her nails in hard enough to draw blood, giving a final attempt at trying to get his hands off of her. 

the girl is suddenly released as the man is jerked backwards by his shoulder. her eyes snap open and graciously land on the person she’s been wanting to see the most. 

everything happens so fast—watching in a haze as carmen practically decks the guy in the face, sending the stranger stumbling back, gripping a bloody nose. 

“you muverfuckr!” he slurs, words muffled by a dripping hand, lunging forward again. carmy shuffles back, then throws another jab square in the face. the man falls backwards onto the ground, sitting on the concrete, looking entirely disoriented. the girl gasps, feeling partially sobered by the scene. 

she watches as the stranger’s blood drips onto the pavement, then darts her gaze over to carmen. his eyes look crazed, jaw tightly locked. he begins to stalk towards the man, clenching his fists that were spotted with red. 

the girl reaches out and grabs his arm. he turns to look at her and his features immediately soften, taking in her tear-soaked cheeks and swollen lips. without thinking, he grabs her arm and pulls her into a tight embrace, arms wrapping around her in a protective bear hug. she clings to his shirt, and cries. he kisses the top of her head. 

he smells so good. smells so safe. 

“s’okay. i got you,” he soothes, “you’re okay.” the man says this as a reassurance to himself as well, rubbing her back, feeling his throat tighten and eyes water a bit. 

the stranger lay flat on his back now, clutching his bleeding nose, mumbling incoherently. 

carmen pulls back from the embrace, but keeps an arm wrapped tightly around her, ushering her to the car. she stumbles a bit, holding onto him securely. she wishes the tears would stop, but they don’t. she feels so scared. so relieved. so fucking grateful. 

he gets her into the car, shutting the door and walking around to the driver’s side. she doesn’t want to look at him when he gets in, so she hides her face in her hand, elbow leaning on the arm rest. he doesn’t say anything for the duration of the drive home either. 

she feels embarrassed, tired, and still a little mad at carmy. the whole reason she had wanted to go out and meet guys in the first place was because of his stupid situationship with claire. it was like it made her go into defense mode. 

they had been driving for about 5 minutes, before she feels a dull throbbing in her head, stomach growling, alcohol in her system making her crave greasy nasty salty food. 

she raises her head from her hand, looking at carmen. his eyebrows were knit together tightly, jaw clenched. she leans her head against the headrest as she stares at him lovingly. she loves how protective he gets over her. how strong he is. how blindingly handsome. 

but she’s still mad, of course. 

he catches her gazing at him in his periphery. he looks over, features softening as he catches her eyes momentarily.

“what’s up?” he asks, voice low.

she just looks at him. her lip pouts a bit. 

“you hungry?” comes his question, perfectly timed. 

she allows a soft smile to grace her lips at the accuracy of his guess. 

“mmhm,” she nods, “a burger sounds really good right now. and french fries.” 

he lets out a quiet chuckle, nodding his head, glancing at her again. 

“let’s get you a burger and french fries, then.” 

he turns his signal on and moves to make a quick left, pulling into a drive-thru after a few minutes.

they sit in line waiting for the order to be cooked. she glances over at his face. she wants to kiss him, a little. 

“d’yknow what the ultimate hangover food is?” she asks softly. 

he turns to face her, eyebrows raised in question, a look of amusement on his face. 

“an all american breakfast,” she murmurs with a smile.

“yeah?” he asks, “like…pancakes?”

she nods, biting her lip with a smile. he lets out a soft laugh at this.

“and bacon and eggs. and hash browns. fuck,” her eyes are closed, like she’s imagining it in front of her. this makes the man laugh a bit harder, hand coming to smooth over his face. 

“good answer,” he tells her once he stops smiling as much. 

“what’s yours?” she asks, gazing at him a bit longingly. 

“my what?” 

“your hangover cure food.”

“uh, probably…saltines?”. 

the girl lets out a laugh. 

“the alcohol upsets my stomach,” he admits. 

she laughs harder, burying her face in her hands. 

“you are so cute,” she amuses. 

he fights the heat that rushes to his face when she says this, and they pull forward to the pick up window. 

the girl takes her first bite into the greasy burger that carmen insists on paying for, and it makes her feel more human than she has all night. 

-

carmy parks the car in his assigned lot, then gets out to assist his roommate out of the car. the food helped her feel much more grounded, but she still has to cling onto his arm to be able to walk straight through the building. 

neither of them say anything. this lasts until they get back to their unit, and carmy locks the door behind them. he watches as the girl stumbles out of her shoes and crashes onto the couch. she throws an arm over her eyes and tries to push away the nausea that comes with laying down. 

“thank you,” she murmurs into her arm after a moment.

“mhm,” he responds, “told you to call me when you needed a ride, though,” shrugging off his jacket.

“i did,” she argues.

“no, you called me… way after you needed one. and you stood outside waiting for me,” his tone grows harsher.

if she wasn’t so nauseous, she’d roll her eyes. 

“i was trying to get away from all the guys that were trying to take me home,” she retorts. she means it to be teasing, but it’s clear he doesn’t take it that way by the peak she steals through her arms. 

“y’know, you-,” he scoffs, “i’m glad you think it’s fuckin’ funny because i-fuck…i was worried about you” he throws his keys onto the table, feeling angry, feeling scared. 

she throws her other arm over her face. her cheeks are hot with embarrassment. her throat suddenly feels tight at his words, like she’s going to cry again. she doesn’t say anything out of fear of her voice breaking. 

carmy chides her name, stalking over to the couch. he stands over her, expectantly waiting for a response, jaw clenching with annoyance. he nudges her arm. she moves it, revealing her tired bloodshot eyes. 

“can we not do this tonight?” she begs hoarsely, “m’so drunk.” 

“you fucking scared me,” he exclaims, grabbing his hair, “what would’ve happened if i didn’t get there in time, huh?” 

“i know,” she sobs, tears now freely flowing, hiding her face in her arms again. 

his heart breaks a bit, watching her cry like that. but he feels so angry that she put herself at risk like that. 

“you-” he stops. takes a deep breath to recenter. “you’re right. let’s not do this tonight.” 

she peaks at him through her arms, feeling completely pathetic. she watches him turn on the small lamp by the couch. he drapes a throw blanket over her before turning to walk upstairs. 

tears continue inexplicably trailing down her cheeks, as her deep breathing begins to lul her into sleep. 

an hour passes. 

she shifts to try and get comfy to no avail. 

30 more minutes. 

everything was so uncomfortable. 

she sits up quickly and shoots off the couch, beelining for the stairs, desperate to get the crunchy makeup and scratchy clothes off. 

she falls up the stairs in her sleepy scramble, knocking against the wall loudly. slowly stands up, holds onto the rail, and exhales before continuing to ascend much more carefully. 

as she walks down the hallway, she unashamedly begins to strip out of her clothing, leaving a trail that leads to the bathroom, telling herself she would take care of it later. she feels sick and lethargic, needing a shower immediately. 

the girl leaves the bathroom light off as she draws a cold shower and steps in right away, drenching herself in the frigid water. she tenses, letting out a sharp exhale, feeling almost immediately soothed. 

it’s as if the water washes away everything bad from the night. she meditatively goes through her routine, cleaning herself. cleaning away everything that happened tonight. cleaning away the man who touched her on the dancefloor, outside of the club. 

the shame and embarrassment that begins to seep in as the alcohol wears off doesn’t wash away as easily. she needs to apologize, she knows that.

the girl dries herself off and wraps her hair in a towel as she walks back to her room, feeling more of a pep in her step following the refreshing shower. she bends down to pick up the strung out clothing she left behind, feeling like she was going crazy because her underwear was nowhere to be found. it would just have to wait until tomorrow, she supposes. 

she’s moisturized and laying in bed, trying to fall asleep. tossing and turning. taking a deep breath. softening her face, muscles. thinking of nice things.

drifting off. mind flashing back to the man grabbing her and slamming her against the brick wall. thinking of what would’ve happened had carmy not come to her rescue. 

her eyes snap open. she sharply inhales and sits up, hanging her legs over the side of the bed. it was going to be impossible to get sleep like this, heart beating way too fast to try and relax. 

she just wants to feel safe. 

without a second thought, she stands and begins walking to carmy’s room. 

she knows he’s pissed off at her. knows he’ll probably tell her to get out. even so, she’s so desperate to get some sleep. so desperate to ease the anxiety that had been festering inside of her all night. 

his door is closed, and she hesitates for a moment before twisting the knob and slipping inside. 

it’s dark—the curtains drawn when they usually aren’t. he lay shirtless on his side, facing away from the door, clutching a pillow in his arms. 

the girl peels back his sheets and slowly slips into bed, resting her head on the soft pillow. she stays there for a moment before scooting closer and laying her face against his back. he’s so warm, and his skin smells safe. her eyes fall shut. she feels him shift. 

carmen wakes up unexpectedly to the feeling of warmth behind him. he knows it’s her without having to look. when she had noisily stumbled upstairs and into the shower, he went to go check on her—almost knocked on the bathroom door, but refrained once he heard soft cries from within. 

he feels her face nuzzle into his back, and he reaches his arm back behind him, wanting to feel where she lay. he touches her hip.

“hi,” she greets softly. 

“hey,” he returns, voice raspy, “y’can’t sleep?” 

she scoots closer to him, hand splaying over his back. 

“just a little… freaked out still…” she whispers. her tone wobbles. 

he shifts at this, and turns around to face her silently. in the low light she can make out the worried furrow of his brows.

she feels guilty for being the subject of his worry. 

“i’m sorry,” the girl confesses, biting back tears. 

carmen’s brows crease further at her apology, immediately wrapping an arm around her and pulling her into his chest. she tucks her face into his neck, shutting her eyes tightly, smelling his skin. 

“y’got nothing to be sorry for,” he plants a kiss atop her head, “wasn’t your fault.” 

“it was my fault,” her voice breaks, “should’ve listened to you,” her arms come around his neck, and she presses her body flush with his. 

“it wasn’t,” he asserts, “that guy was a fuckin’ creep.” his tone is hushed. his arms wrap around her as if he’s scared of losing her. 

“are you still mad at me?” she asks. her breath tickles his neck. 

“i wasn’t mad,” he admits, “just scared.” 

“me too,” matching his hushed tone. “thank you carm,” she whispers, pressing a kiss below his ear, “feel so safe with you.” she shuffles closer, pelvis pressing against his. 

“you are,” he buries his nose in her hair, “always.” hiking her leg over his hip to bring her closer. 

the girl kisses his neck again. and again. pulls him in closer. his smell is completely addicting, and with the angle of her leg she can feel his erection growing against her core. she hopes he can’t feel the wetness that begins to form beneath her shorts. 

his big palm spreads over her ass and squeezes, desperate to hold every inch of her. 

the girl deeply exhales, bothered by how easily he’s able to rouse her. 

the man harshly exhales at the repeated feeling of her bites and licks and kisses, holding onto her with an urgent desperation. trying to wrap around her as if he were keeping her from the world. 

the room becomes hot, and the two shuffle the duvet off. 

carmen calls her name, trying to break her attention. he wants to apologize. wants to confess his shortcomings. wants to look in her big eyes and tell her he’s not enough and never will be. but she ignores his beckon and continues enthusiastically biting and sucking and kissing, hand pressing against his chest. 

he forces his eyes to stay open, weight of his bottled apology heavy on his tongue. 

“hey,” he tries again, voice strained from the pleasure.

“can you put it in?” she breathes into his neck.

“fuck,” he groans, surprised by her forward request, feeling himself pulse against her wetness. 

“please,” she whines, hiking her leg further up onto his hip, trailing her kisses along his jaw, up to his cheek.

he squeezes her ass again, fingers slipping under the fabric of her tiny shorts. her skin was so soft. so hot with arousal. 

“let me play with you,” he strains, “get you ready f’me.”

the girl makes a sound of protest, kissing his face more, hand coming to his neck. 

“m’ready,” she whispers earnestly “wanna feel you so bad,” another kiss, “please, carm.”

he lets out a strained breath and removes his hand from her ass, shoving his boxers down just enough to free his erection. she moves her thigh higher up his hip, and carmen slips his fingers beneath the fabric covering her core, hastily pulling it to the side.

“yeah,” she exhales desperately, edge of her lips touching his, trying to watch him press his cock into her opening. 

carmen pushes forward, sinking into her tightness. he lets out a groan at the way her wet heat engulfs him. the girl releases a sound of appreciation, her nails indenting the skin of his shoulder. 

he takes a deep breath and begins slowly rocking his hips, turning his face to catch her lips in a hungry kiss. he greedily swallows her sweet noises, catching the edge of her shirt and bunching it up over her chest, exposing her breasts.

“please,” she breaks the kiss to plead, not really even knowing what she was asking for. 

“i know, baby” he groans in between kisses, “gonna take care of you.” rolling his hips, hiking her leg further up his hip to bury himself to the hilt. 

she wants to cry at how good it feels, eyes scrunched shut and mouth falling open in pleasure, releasing her first breathy moan. 

carmy swears he could cum at the sound of it, hand grabbing her ass again, pulling her impossibly closer. his forehead comes to hers and he begins slowly thrusting into her, completely drunk off of her. her smell, her wetness, her whimpers. 

“y’so fuckin’ cute,” he growls, “can’t get enough of you.” his admission sends a fluttering sensation throughout her chest, arching further into his touch, beginning to hungrily rock her hips to try and match his thrusts. 

the man grabs her hip, holding her still. 

“slow down,” he commands softly, catching her lips in a deep kiss, continuing to gently thrust into her. 

she complies, savoring the sweet, lazy rocking motion as he holds her tightly. it feels far more intimate than what she’s ever experienced with him, even though the two weren’t even fully naked. it was needy and frenetic, yet slow and gentle. 

carmen buries himself deeper, beginning to thrust up into her at an angle. he kisses her with frenzy, tongue swirling around hers, swallowing each and every noise she makes. the room grows incredibly hot, their skin sticky, each trying to apologize to the other using their bodies. 

carmy snaps his hips forward, and the girl releases from his lips with a loud cry. her nails dig into his shoulder. it’s so good she feels like crying again. 

“y’such a pretty fuckin’ girl,” he growls, “love how you feel, y’know that?” 

her droopy eyes meet his. she loves the way it sounds from his mouth. loves everything he does. 

“i’m all yours carm,” she gasps, savoring the deep, satiating feeling of his thick cock.

“yeah?” he asks breathily, “all mine?” grabbing her ass, pulling her in time with his thrusts. 

“y-yeah,” she cries, eyes tightly shut, “yours. i love-ah,” she’s interrupted by a punctuated thrust, losing her words, head falling back, breathing heavily. he feels so good.

“what d’you love?” he asks, leaning forward to kiss her exposed neck, “huh?” 

“love y-how you make me feel,” she cries. 

his chest flutters. he bites and kisses the skin of her neck. he wishes she would’ve said something different. 

“what else, hm?” a kiss, thrusts speeding up, “what else d’you love?” 

“love-fuck, right there,” she whimpers, “i love-ah,” trailing off as if she can’t even think straight. 

carmy smiles into her neck, giving her skin a final bruise before pulling away to catch her lips. 

“tell me,” he growls, grabbing the side of her thigh and continuing to upwards. 

her eyes fill with tears. she’s scared to say it. 

“i-,” an gasp, “i love you, carm.” she catches his gaze as she says it, and watches how his expression softens. how deeply he looks at her. the man dives into her lips again, kissing her with a ferocity she had yet to ever receive, groaning into her mouth. 

“fuckin’ made for me,” he growls in between kisses, “love everything about you,” pulling her leg further up, “perfect fuckin’ girl.”

he rolls over her and lifts her hips up, continuing to thrust into her. 

the girl wraps her legs around his back accommodatingly, dizzy from his words and the pleasure. she slips her fingers down to circle her swollen clit, feeling as if she teters right on the edge of climax, overcome with a white hot pleasure. 

“love you,” she cries, nails scratching down his back, “iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou m’gonna cum” she babbles. he smiles down at her, almost overwhelmed by a feral need to claim her. 

the man deliberates throwing caution to the wind and cumming inside of her. he knows she wouldn’t mind. he rationalizes the logistics of making her a mom in his frenetic state, drinking in the sight of her flushed cheeks, her wet eyes, her open mouth. he decides he’s in love with her. decides he wants her to be his forever. he watches her cum. watches her eyes roll back and her body start shaking. listens to the sweet harmonic moans that spill from her lips. 

“there y’go,” he coaxes, “such a good girl,” kissing her swollen lips, “fuckin’ in love with you,” heightening the pace of his thrusts, feeling himself approach the brink of orgasm. he seriously considers cumming inside of her, telling himself he would if she asked. he looks at the girl for confirmation, but she’s too far gone. he begrudgingly pulls out, shooting thick ropes of cum onto her stomach with a groan, missing her warmth as soon as he leaves. 

carmy rolls off of her, grabbing her face and pressing a firm kiss onto her cheek, collapsing on the bed for a moment. he feels spent.

the girl pants, trying to catch her breath. carmen nuzzles into her neck, wrapping around her tightly, kissing her tenderly. they bask in the afterglow, cherishing the presence of each other, an encompassing silence following the heavy words exchanged.

she’s the first to speak. well, complain. 

“there’s….cum all over my stomach.” she rasps. he smiles into her neck. 

“shower?”

quiet, for a moment. 

“i can’t move.” 

he kisses her bruised skin with a lazy smirk and sits up to grab her a washcloth. 

-

when the girl wakes up alone the next morning, her heart drops a bit, finding the bed next to her empty once again. she shuts her eyes immediately, hoping to be swept away by sleep so she could postpone the disappointment. 

that is, until she hears noises from the kitchen downstairs. and smells the bacon. 

the girl groggily pushes herself up out of bed, stalking down the hallway. she gets halfway to the stairs before realizing she’s completely naked, stopping in her tracks, turning to carmy’s open door, eyes falling on a t-shirt on the ground. she quickly grabs it and slips it over her head, then continues to curiously make her way downstairs. soft music comes from the speaker in the kitchen, and she slowly descends the stairs to find carmy deftly working over the stove. the whole house smells incredible. 

she slips behind him to get to the coffee pot, sliding her hand along his back as she passes. 

the man turns his head.

“hey,”  he watches as she retrieves a mug from the cabinet, graciously taking in the sight of her wearing his shirt. 

“good morning,” she smiles, “smells so good in here.” 

as she stretches to get the mug, the hem of the shirt lifts ever so slightly over the curve of her ass. he clears his throat.

“nice shirt,” carmy says, turning back to tend to the bacon. 

she lets out a soft giggle, pouring her coffee. 

“yeah?” taking a sip and leaning against the counter, “figured it would be better than coming down naked.”

his brain stutters for a moment. he turns to catch the smirk on her face. 

“i, uh…. i dunno about that,” he responds, small smile on his face. she shoves his arm playfully and he breaks into a grin. 

“no work this morning?” she asks, grateful for the unusual saturday morning presence. 

“no, i, uh…m’taking a personal day,” he replies, turning the heat of the stove off, “had some stuff i needed to get done.”

“good,” she replies with a nod, “you deserve a day off. i didn’t take you for much of a breakfast guy, though” she comments, tilting her head slightly. 

“i’m not, really,” he plates the bacon over a paper towel, “but i, uh…thought some all american might help with your hangover.” 

she feels a pang in her chest, eyes glancing over the assortment of pancakes, eggs, hash browns, and bacon. everything she had told him last night. 

“carm,” she whines, “that is so kind. you didn’t have to all of this for me.”

the food looked delectable, plated beautifully and piping hot. 

“i wanted to.” he begins to pick up the plates. 

she puts her coffee down and helps him set the table.

when she takes the first bite of her bacon and eggs she practically moans at the taste. 

“fuck,” she locks eyes with him. 

“yeah?” he watches her with amusement.

“yeah,” she breathes, nodding, “that’s…wow.” 

he can’t help but grin, hand coming to rub over his face. 

“good?” 

“yeah.” she nods, “really fucking good.”

he feels his skin heat at the way she says it, having no idea why watching her enjoy his food was so deeply satisfying (and maybe just a little arousing).

“try the pancakes,” he tells her, pushing the syrup closer to her. she nods enthusiastically, slathering the pancakes the maple syrup and taking a big bite. 

the girl groans, and her head falls into her hand, savoring the taste. she doesn’t think she’s ever had pancakes so good. 

“i could kiss you right now,” she looks back up at him. he lets out a breath of amusement and his cheeks warm with her praise.

“i’m glad you like it.” 

“no, seriously, i’m…going to kiss you.” she tells him, putting a hand on the table and leaning over it. she grabs his shirt and pulls him in, kissing him firmly. 

the man lets out a soft groan of surprise, enthusiastically reciprocating. she tastes like maple syrup. 

when the girl pulls back, he grabs her face and pulls her back in, wanting another sweet taste. it’s better than any pancakes he’s ever made. 

carmen loosens his grip on her face and she slowly pulls away, pressing a last kiss to his lips before sitting back down. she gives him a mischievous smile and continues eating her breakfast.  

-

“go sit down,” she tells him, taking the pan from him, “you already cooked, let me clean up.”

“we can do it together,” he compromises, “it’ll be faster.”

she shakes her head, making a pile of dishes in the sink and turning on the hot water.  

“no. go sit down and relax,” she demands, beginning to scrub. 

she feels arms wrap around her waist, feels lips on her neck. 

“so bossy,” he chides in between kisses, pressing his hips against her backside. she lets out a slow breath, leaning into his touch. her eyes flutter as she feels his hand creep under her shirt, splaying over her stomach. she’s not wearing anything besides his oversized shirt, and her skin suddenly feels hot from his touch. she arches into him slightly, and he bites her neck.  

it feels very domestic, fighting over who would clean up the kitchen. it feels domestic wearing his shirt and being pressed up against the counter by him, skin littered with his bruises, lips intertwined with his name. 

carmy begins to lift the borrowed shirt up, kisses trailing up to her ear, hand coming to squeeze her breast. 

the girl releases a soft noise, completely distracted by her task of washing dishes. her head falls back against his shoulder, and she leans into his touch. 

carmen thinks of telling her to strip the shirt off. thinks of hoisting her up onto the counter and eating her out until she cums. touching her until she cries.

he pushes the shirt up further. 

knock knock knock 

they both startle and look to the front door. carmen checks the time, and his heart drops a bit. 

he pulls away from the girl and runs a hand through his curls.

“who is it?” she asks him, observing his look of stress. 

“it’s, uh….fuck. just wait right here, okay?” his hands fall from his hips and he stalks to the closet by the front door, pulling out a scarf she doesn’t recognize. 

he opens the door halfway, and she hears a familiar woman’s voice greeting him. 

her face gets hot. her chest feels tight. 

“claire,” he greets quietly, thrusting the scarf forward, “here.”

“ugh, thank you, carmy. i’m so forgetful sometimes.” 

“no problem. i should, uh-”

“it smells good in there,” claire comments, peaking in. 

carmen steps back, eyes darting over to his roommate. she stands with her arms crossed, leaning against the counter, staring at him.

“i’m uh…cooking breakfast,” he turns back to claire, “so i should probably get back to that. i’ll see yo-”

“-i was thinking we could talk?” she cuts him off, “can i come in?”

“i don’t know if that’s…,” carmen hesitates. he glances to his roommate to find her walking behind him towards the stairs.

claire’s eyes follow the girl, taking in her attire. carmy watches her expression slightly falter. 

his roommate stalks up the stairs. was walking behind him in plain sight a little petty? maybe. but she’s sick of carmy never saying exactly what he means. she undoes the hair tie holding together her messy updo, walking to her room. 

she quickly grabs a change of clothes and rushes into to the bathroom to shower, feeling the overwhelming need to leave the apartment. 

the front door slams shut, and she hears his steps ascend the stairs.

[hubbvrd]

Little Burrow | Joe Burrow

In which little burrow suprises his dad during training

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

"Mommy! Mommy! I'm ready," y/n's son Mason shouted as he came running into the kitchen.

Y/n lifted her head from the lunch box she was preparing for her three-year-old son and looked over at Mason.

The little blond-haired boy proudly presented his mother with his Bengals jersey, which he was wearing backwards, but looked so proud because he had put it on by himself, so y/n let out a soft "naaw" before lifting her son up and gently tickling his belly, causing him to giggle loudly. 

"You did great, buddy. But we need to get your jersey on right, okay?" Smiling, y/n sat her son down on the countertop and began to put the Burrow jersey, which he wore almost daily, on him the right way around.

"Who dey think gonna beat dem Bengals? Nobody!" , Mason began to chant after wearing the jersey the right way around and snagging a cracker from the lunchbox y/n had just prepared.

"I hear you're ready to cheer on Daddy and the rest of the team at practice already?"  Y/n lifted her son up to put him back on the ground, where he gave her a big grin and then clapped his hands enthusiastically and shouted "yes."

Just like Joe, his son shared an enthusiasm for football, so much so that Mason had been talking about nothing else at times since he could talk, and y/n wouldn't be surprised if their son together eventually followed in Joe's footsteps.

"Football with?" , Mason asked y/n as she stowed the lunchbox in Mason's backpack and then tucked her cell phone and front door key into her purse.

"We don't need that one. There are lots of them at Daddy's trainings camp. I'm sure you'll get to play with one." She tousled Mason's hair, which made him giggle.

"Come on, let's go see Daddy."

She picked her son up and carried him into the car, where she put him in his car seat, buckled him in, and moments later left the garage with the car and headed to the training area with Mason to surprise Joe.

—

"Mommy! Mommy! Hurry! "Mason shouted excitedly when they arrived at the training ground and could hear the shouting of the team from far away.

"We're almost there!" y/n smirked slightly as she grabbed Mason's hand and ran over to the field with her excited son, who kept pulling on his mother's hand to show her to hurry.

From a distance, she recognized the team, which was completely engrossed in practicing a few plays, so that y/n and Mason could sneak up unnoticed, although y/n was sure that Mason would betray them sooner or later.

"Daddy?" , Mason tilted his head questioningly as the two arrived at the edge of the field and y/n spread out a blanket on which she and Mason could sit for the next few minutes, keeping Mason occupied every now and then when he wasn't excitedly watching them practice.

"Daddy's over there," , y/n said as she pulled Mason onto her lap and pointed her fingers over to the field where number nine was located.

Wide-eyed, Mason watched his father begin to practice a few throws, at which point Mason kept applauding and began to giggle softly.

With a smile on her lips, y/n watched her son.

"Hello Mason, hello y/n. Good to see you guys." , the suddenly heard Zac's voice next to her, so she lifted her head and smiled at the head coach.

"Hey, Zac. You alright?" Y/n stood up to greet Zac with a quick hug before Zac crouched down and gently tickled Mason's stomach.

"All great and I see you guys are too, right buddy? Are you rooting for your daddy?"

Mason answered Zac with a giggle and then began clapping his hands.

"He couldn't wait to get back here. He actually wears the jersey almost every day." , y/n said rolling his eyes slightly, which made Zac laugh softly.

"That's great, isn't it? That way we're already working on good young talent. Joe said he should play football soon too?"

"No," y/n said quickly, but had to grin.

"I see you haven't agreed yet," Zac replied with a grin, and then picked up Mason, who began to sing The Bengal Song again.

"Shall we go say hi to your daddy and do some exercises with him?"

Zac got a wild nod in response, so the Bengals' boss headed out onto the field with Mason on his arm.

"Listen up guys! I've got a new arrival here!" he shouted across the field, causing everyone to pause in their movement and look to Zac and Mason.

Immediately, the players' expressions brightened and they all began to greet Mason in confusion, causing him to press himself slightly shyly against Zac.

"Look, there's Daddy," he distracted Mason as they came to a stop just before Joe.

He lowered Mason, who moments later spotted Joe and ran toward him, stumbling slightly.

"Hey, Buddy," Joe, who by now had crouched down and spread his arms, greeted his son, who threw himself into his arms.

"Daddy! Daddy!" , his son shouted excitedly and began to tell him that he was wearing Joe's jersey and was eager to play with him.

With a big grin on his lips, Joe pressed a kiss to his son's forehead before picking him up and carrying him over to Logan, Sam and Tee.

"Hey little superstar," Sam greeted the little one and tousled him through his hair, causing Mason to giggle softly.

"Are you training with us today?" , Logan asked Mason, who started nodding vigorously shortly after, making the three of them laugh.

"Let's go then." With a grin on his lips, Tee grabbed the football and thus the four of them began to play a little football with Mason, cheering loudly for Mason every time he threw or caught the ball.

And from the edge of the field, y/n watched them grinning broadly while she held the cell phone in her hand and filmed them all for some time to have some memory of today.

—

"You really need to come back here with Mason" , Logan all but pleaded as he pulled y/n into a tight hug of greeting, then gave her a pleading look as he let her go again.

"Oh, yeah." , Sam agreed with him.

"Please," , Tee was almost pleading.

"I wouldn't mind either" , Joe agreed with his colleagues, after pressing a kiss to y/n's lips. He held the sleeping Mason in his arms, who had fallen asleep after an exciting half hour playing with the boys.

"Don't worry, boys. I'm sure Mason will be begging me to come back here every day now. And he won't stop until he's big enough to be on the field himself."

A big grin formed on the faces of Logan, Sam and Tee and they were satisfied with the answer, so after a short small talk they disappeared into the cabin and left the little family alone.

"That was really a lot of fun. I hope to do this a lot with Mason," Joe enthused. Joe enthused, unaware that y/n had prepared something for Joe and Mason at home, which of course had to do with football.

And who knew if Joe himself would be sitting in the stadium in a few years to watch his own son play and cheer him on.

[netherfeildren]

FABLE OF THE DOG : 1. The Two Headed Calf

Series Masterlist;

Pairing: Joel Miller x FMC

Summary: Welcome home and buck up, cowgirl.

Rating: Explicit 18+

Content Warnings: Cowboy/Heiress AU; Slowburn(ish); Original Characters; Alcohol & Drug Use; Discussions of Grief; Daddy Issues; Graphic Descriptions of Vomiting; Description of a Dead Body; Death of a Parent; Parental Neglect; Older Man/Younger Woman; Jealousy; Past Teenage Crush; Unrequited Pinning; Yearning and Longing Galore; Boss’s Daughter; Complicated Family Relationships; A Home is a Place but ALSO a Person!; Found Family

A/N: Disclaimer, I know nothing about Wyoming and it’s geography, ranching, or being a cowboy and just made all this up. Any and all misrepresentations are fallacy of my laziness.

The FMC tag was decided because she has a last name. It was just too difficult for me to speak in depth about her father without giving him a name, and thus her one too. After that decision was made, she kind of went away from me and devolved into her own person who I have come to be quite obsessed with. It’s still written in ‘you’ format, anyhow.

I’ve been having a whole lot of fun with this, I hope you do too.

Word Count: 10K

Read on AO3

1: The Two Headed Calf

“She’s been shut up in that house goin’ on three days now, Joel,” Tommy says as the two brothers make their way across the lawn. 

The ride had been long and hard, and Joel is tired—he levels a dark look at him. “Just sayin’. Nothin’ you find in there’s gonna be pretty to look at.” He raises his hands in surrender at the brooding glare, that non-confrontational shrug that’s set Joel on edge since they were boys. 

“One of you’s should’a gone in there. Made sure she’s okay.”

“The housekeepers’ve been keepin’ an eye. And Frank tried to go in there and check on her himself, but she’s angry as a barn cat. Hissin’ ‘nd yowlin’, and just bein’ downright scary as hell, to be honest. You should be prepared is all I’m tryin’ to say.”

“Her father just died, Tommy. I’m not expectin’ pretty sights right now,” Joel gruffs, trying to swallow the panic that flutters in his throat as they crest the final hill up to the big house. 

The beautiful stone, oak, glass monstrosity that’s stood as monument to this place, this home that is not truly his, for over a decade now. The Kelly Ranch. The sky above is still a sultry, yawning blue, deep and tired, basking in the throes of dawn as the sun just now makes its way over the crest of the Tetons in the distance so that the house sits for just a moment longer in its pool of shadowed blues. 

Joel pauses on the border of that somber darkness, afraid suddenly of what awaits him inside; boots glued to the ground with the gum of cowardice. He doesn’t want to see her broken. He doesn’t want to see her hurting. But there’s no other recourse, he knows this. The death of the estranged father she’d fought with all her life, the inheritance of this world that seems suddenly too big for just one orphaned girl, all alone now. 

He’s afraid that he’ll walk into that house he’s always seen as other and home all wrapped into one—that Olympus that was so far removed and out of reach even when he walked through it’s halls to the man who’d given him sanctuary and salvation, to the man he knew mistreated her sometimes, didn’t love her enough—and not have the capacity to recognize her, this girl who’d always been familiar and stranger all in one also. 

Joel Miller suddenly feels afraid of the memory she exists as in his mind, in the face of the woman he knows she is now. 

When he lets himself in the back kitchen door, it’s still nighttime within. The cool dryness of the AC cranked up to inhuman temperatures makes him shiver once while sprouting a damp sweat along his nape. He should’ve showered before coming, should’ve washed the ride and the days of camp off his skin before walking into her presence, but all he’d managed were his hands and face. There’d been panic to make sure she was well, if not then alive, at least. But he should be more presentable for her. 

Hell, he should’ve been here for her when she came home for the first time in two years to the house where her father had died. He should’ve been here when the man died. 

But the herd had needed moving. He hadn’t thought it’d all happen so quickly, thought he had more time, that they all had more time. He’d hoped she wouldn’t return at all, if he was being honest. There was nothing here for her. Nothing except memories of a gilded and loveless, already motherless childhood. The reality of all she was set to inherit. The truth of an aloneness Joel didn’t know if she was prepared for. 

He moves through the house slowly, afraid to disturb the ghosts and the silence. The interior, immaculate and beautiful and solemn. Something out of a movie picture or the gloss of a magazine. Something covered not in dust but in sadness. The stairs are silent as his spinning mind makes up for the creak, the boots she’d sent him on his last birthday hit the richly piled rug at the top, and the hallway to the bedrooms yawns long and frightening in front of him. Two grand a pop, the boots—Lucchese, he’d looked them up on the iPhone she’d sent him the year before. A gift giver, generous to a fault, kind to a detriment. She sent something to all the ranch hands that’d worked for her father since she was a girl. Something for the entire ranch at Christmas. And all he managed each time was a perfunctory thank you card, like he did every year because he remembered, years ago, in her little voice, polite people send thank you notes, Joel, my grandmother told me so. Last year he’d written that they were too much, that she shouldn’t have, that he was grateful. There wasn’t much else to say. 

That was the extent of their communication, familiar and stranger in one, the far removed golden child of the Kelly. They’d all called him that, the Kelly, for as long as he’d known the man. As if he was some Scottish laird of old, ruling over his clan and half the world. Egotistical, was what it really was. He’d thought himself a god among men, in the face of his only child. Ridiculous was what Joel saw it all for, a put on play, a farce.

And wonder of wonders, she was entirely unlike him because of course she would be. Of course a man ruled by nothing more than ego and narcissism had been sent his polar opposite in the form of his only child. Kind hearted, was what she was—sending him a birthday gift every year. Remembering them all here always no matter how far she’d gone. He sent her a thank you note for each benevolence in return, a word of respectful gratitude for the fact that a person like her could ever remember a dog like him. 

Sometimes, Joel had wanted to go to him, the old man, Oswald Kelly, and ask him where his daughter was, why he wasn’t looking for her, keeping her closer, caring for her. He wasn’t the sort of man that could’ve ever understood such callous behavior towards one’s child.

The last time she’d been here, over two years ago: less than forty eight hours that had ended in screaming so terrible they’d all heard it down from the barn, sitting in uncomfortable, swollen silence, the spinning of tires ringing as she yelled at her father that he was never going to see her again, the man’s echoing laugh as she’d fled him. 

Joel hadn’t seen her on that visit, it’d been so quick and angry. Flying down on the jet from New Haven for her father’s seventieth birthday and not even making it long enough for the festivities. This was what her life was, as he’d observed it from a distance for all these years, the singular daughter of this great house, coming to her father, attempting joy and finding nothing but disappointment at the end of him. 

She’d been right, a knowing streak running through her. Kelly had never seen her again, and Joel didn’t know if the old man had regretted it or not, the anger and the estrangement and the lack of love. But the last time he’d spoken to him, hours before setting off on their move, the herd always came before everything else, the ranch was all that mattered is what the man had always said, with death scratching at the window, his frail and withered body licked down to almost nothing from the austere and imposing figure Joel had always known him as, he’d asked for her. His only child. Do you think she’ll come, Joel? The dying man had asked him. My girl, do you think she’ll come see me? Joel had lied a lie he hadn’t known was one, said she would, that he’d call her as soon as he was back. 

In the end, he hadn’t even afforded her that decency, a personal call.

He comes to her open bedroom door now, pitch dark as grief within, and the stench of sorrow and liquor seeping from the living grave. He looks down the long and empty hall for a brief second, wishing it didn’t have to be him, that again, he didn't have to see her any way other than okay. And he realizes that there’s something about her, as she will exist now, that makes him cowardly. Something about this house without the man who’d granted him the absolution of a hiding place all those years ago, who’d understood and sheltered Joel in the midst of his own past grief, that makes him cowardly. The house feels wrong without Kelly within it, wrong with only her as its holder now. 

Joel steps into her dark, and it’s a battleground—

—You are silent and motionless in the blue room. 

Nothing of the gleaming splendor that dresses the rest of the home sleeps in here. There are clothes everywhere, an exploded suitcase lies open and massacred in the middle of the plush white rug, a turned over bottle of red wine bleeding into your clothes. Shredded pages with scratched on writing slashed across them, the dusted white mounds of crushed pills, as if you’d smashed each one individually beneath the thumb of your grief. The sight makes him more afraid, the scent of weed and cigarettes heavy in the air, as he takes the final step towards the wrecked bed, and a single small foot hangs limply from the edge.

He stares at it long and hard for a second, afraid, afraid again, still, of what he’ll find. He says your name once, short and gruff like a dog’s bark. It’s what he feels like. Animal, bestial, lacking any sort of cognizance amidst this minefield. His heart beats against his spine, and he thinks he should do something else, shake you, check for a pulse, his bones throb inside his skin. He needs to fucking move, but the smell of smoke is so cloying he’s choking on his own tongue. 

Your ankle twitches.

And Joel sucks in a sigh of relieved air without panic, saying your name again. His voice is level now, maybe gentle, no more barking dog. His eyes move up the length of one pretty leg, and then quickly, he averts his gaze when he gets high up enough he’s met with soft-creased asscheek covered in silk. Swallowing his tongue, his eyes roll in their sockets, looking for anything else to look at besides the sight of panty clad ass. He steps closer again, gripping the edge of the sheet to pull it over your scantily clad body, eyes flitting to the silver spun clock on the nightstand, the warm glow of the hall light shows that they have two hours to get you sober and presentable before the funeral. 

Joel should have been here. He does not feel that he is even here now. And the guilt eats at him like acid. The fear too. 

“Darlin’, you’ve gotta get up now,” he says softly, taking hold of your shoulder, scalded by the feel of fragile skin, realizing with the suddenness of a gunshot that you’ll be the Kelly now. He gives you a gentle shake, “We’ve gotta get you ready,” and his heart pumps blood like a machine. The sight of the dry liquor bottle toppled on the nightstand, the shattered glass glittering the floor in crystal, the empty pill bottles, it all taunts him. His guilt is a cacophony in his mind. He knows he’s going to have to stick his fingers down your throat, make you spit it all up, that you’ll hate him for all of this afterwards, but when his gaze meets streaked rust, dark and shocking against the white sheets, he’s kicked into terrified action. 

He turns you over, your head lolling sickeningly in unconscious stupor, hair a tangled mess strewn about your face so that he has to dig for your eyes, parting the curtains of your fringe to uncover you. He focuses on your closed eyes, the too long lashes clumped together, lips cracked and parched. 

He should’ve fucking been here. 

Smoothing his fingers along the lengths of your arms, he keeps his eyes on your face and averted from all the skin that keeps peeking out below, searching the divots and slopes of your arms for hurts. When he gets to your right hand, battleground of a long ago broken hurt, he finds the drying crust of blood, the ragged split in the soft, small palm, thankfully shallow.

 His eyes smart, looking down at the broken glass, feeling the tear in you. 

Gripping you gently below the elbows he pulls you into his arms, cradled like a child, light as loss. Your head lolls again, neck crooked at an unnatural angle as he carries you into the restroom, careful of your head, knocking the lights on and putting you down in front of the toilet bowl. He pulls your camisole to rights, making sure everything is covered, and gathers your mess of hair as carefully as he can, trying his best to not snag the fragile strands in his too rough hands, but gripping you firmly in position. And ignoring the sound of your awakening cry, he sticks two fingers into your slack jawed mouth and down your throat until he feels the hot rush of vomit. 

Crouching behind you, his thighs bracket you, keeping your form from slumping over as you empty the poison from your belly, flushing the alcohol soaked bile as you struggle. He wipes his messy hand on the leg of his jeans and rubs soothing circles on your back, his fingers woven through the soft silk of your hair to keep your head in place and your face clear. His heart thumps in rhythm with your heaves, your too quick, panicked breathing. There seems to be not enough oxygen for the two of you and your grief in the too small room of the commode, and Joel gasps like a dying fish, trying to swallow calm breaths. 

When you finally stop your heaving, you rest your arms at the edge of the gleaming porcelain, head hung low, defeated, wracked with shivers or silent sobs, he isn’t sure, a strange and horrible keening noise, so small he barely catches it, held in your throat. There’s the finest down of peach fuzz that covers the tender slope of your vulnerable nape, and it makes Joel feel suddenly, just as vulnerable, just as unprotected. At a complete loss for how to help you. 

“Finally decided to show your face,” you croak, voice ragged with your sick. 

His fingers tighten once around your shoulder, a panicked tick of reminder that he’s here now, that he’s him. “I was moving the herd. It had to be done. Your father, he—” he stutters, trying explain, tripping over his own guilt ridden words. “I didn’t think it’d happen now, so fast, that you’d get here so soon. I thought we had more time.” 

We. 

Your skin seems to cool by the second beneath his fingertips, and then you’re shrugging his touch away, huddling closer to the porcelain bowl, further away from him. 

“Get out.”

“Let me explain. I—” And he’s begging now. He can hear the note of it in his voice. Begging for forgiveness. For a chance. 

“I don’t want to see you.” You don’t say his name. “Get out.” It feels worse than anything. 

“I’m here now. I didn’t know— I didn’t think.” He reaches to grab for you again, but you turn to face him suddenly. Wiping the back of your hand against your mouth, pushing your heels at his shins to kick him away. Your eyes are red rimmed, the hollows beneath bruised with lack of sleep. But fire spits from the deep color, all anger and hurt. 

“Go deal with your fucking ranch,” you fling the words at him. “It’s all you care about anyways.” And they weren’t shivers, he sees now, they’re tears tracked as proof of all his guilt, all his lacking, along the slopes of your fine grained cheeks. 

Your, you say. As if this place and anything in it has ever been his. He’s never wanted any of it like that, only ever seen a thing that needed taking care of, and him, with the ability to care for it. 

“I needed you,” you whisper as if the thought comes along on a second wind of anger, a realization that sends your voice breaking, hitching, your chest caving in on itself as the tears come faster and faster now. “He’s dead, and I needed you.”

“I’m sorry,” he begs. “I’m so sorry.” His voice breaks now too. He thinks he’ll cry now too, for the man who he also lost, who despite it all meant something to him, as well. For you, who’s lost even more. For Joel’s own guilt. 

But he doesn’t think you see any of that, not his apology, not his regret, not his own grief. You turn away from him again, laying your temple down again on your forearm. “Get out. I’ll be ready soon.”

And so he goes.

-

Your father is made small and withered in death. 

One of the wealthiest men in the entire world. A stranger, a titan, a nightmare of a man. 

It wasn’t something you’d ever considered, that a human body could look so colorless and frigid and not alive. Like a shock or a ringing bell, it’s a realization that you’re an orphan now. That you’re all alone. 

You feel something like a memory of regret. Or something that’s like the idea that you should feel regret, that you should feel guilt for how it was between the two of you. But all that is overshadowed by the reality of what you weren’t. All you feel even more, or in actual reality, is the old loss of what you’d never been to each other. That, you realize, is the seed of your grief. That long ago wound, that child’s understanding that he wasn’t like all the other fathers, that he’d never care for you the way other children were cared for. 

Looking down at the frozen face that looks nothing like the one he’d worn the last time you’d seen him, the wispy thatch of hair that hadn’t been so jarringly white before sickness had ravaged his body, you realize that this is no new loss, it is only a continuation, a reopening of a very old one. 

The cavernous cathedral at your back is silent, vacated by the sea of people that had congregated here earlier. And with sickening curiosity, you uncoil an arm from where you’ve got it wrapped around yourself, reaching out to press a finger against the ice cold back of his hand. Shockingly not alive; he feels made of rubber. 

Everyone that’d been here to bid farewell to this behemoth turned slip of a man, to catch a glimpse of you, packed like teeth into Jackson’s grandest cathedral; business men and heads of state from around the world, the oldest family names in the country, figures of the highest echelons of wealth and society, vipers circling the barrel—half the world here to see this person who was supposed to have been your father but was really only a stranger. 

You take your hand back, and you don’t say goodbye as you turn away from his body. There’s no farewell to really tell. 

And at the back of the church, hiding in a bright ream of sunlight, Joel stands propped against the face of a saint. Dark and silent and maybe even more far removed than your dead dad. Watching sentinel. Oswald Kelly’s hovering man—come to watch over him one last time. 

The silk of your stockings slide against each other at the junction of your thighs, the hiss of your skirt around your calves as your reed thin heels click against the stone, and you pull your armor as tightly around yourself as you can. There’s a hollow echo inside of everywhere and everything, your mind like a gong, reverberating, and his gaze is so steady, hazel bright, deeply shaded by the lip of his dark hat, beckoning you towards him from beneath the brim. 

Large and strong and steadfast, your heart gives a painful, longing thump—stupid, writhing thing—and you can only bear to look him in the eye for a second, and if you were to really think about saying goodbye to that father that never really was, lying behind you, slipping further and further away, you’d say it to the man that always stood as his shadow before the world, before you ever said it to the man himself. 

-

The drive back home is cast in frigid silence and made all the more uncomfortable because you can practically hear Joel’s brain clicking and ticking away with worry. 

He’d sent your car and driver away with a harsh word while you collected your final goodbyes and words of respect from the last smattering of people congregated and waiting for the newly birthed heir to one of the greatest fortunes in the world. 

Hovering over your shoulder, he’d kept anyone from stepping too close or getting too friendly, so close you could feel the heat of his chest through the silk of your blouse, and then going suddenly full on aggressive when a reporter from the New York Times had approached, fishing for a quote on the future of the Kelly empire. Ushering you away with a hovering hand at the small of your back before the man could get half a question out, he’s opening the truck’s door for you as a haze descends over your eyes, the distant shutter and flash of cameras bursting in your peripherals, a latent hangover and sleep deprivation and not enough to eat in the last forty eight hours causing you to sag in his hold. Then it’s only his big fist wrapping around the span of your wrist as he lifts you into the truck, your eyes downcast and unable to take in sight or sound, vision all a blur. You murmur a barely there thank you with his hand fitting at the dip of your waist, big body blocking yours entirely from prying eyes trying to catch a glimpse or a stumble, and for a single second, your entire weight is suspended in his hold, allowing you to bypass the struggle of balancing your high heel on the step up, and then you’re sliding onto the leather of the seat, the whisper of your cashmere and silk rustling around you as he handles you like a child being spirited away from the scene of a crime. 

The door shuts gently behind you, face turned away from the flashing lights, the watchful eyes of the whole world, and worst of all, the assessment of his concerned gaze. All you’re afforded are thirty seconds of privacy to let out a single gasping sob. 

And now, an hour and a half of silent purgatory. 

You slip your heels off, flexing your smarting toes against the damp of your stockings and tuck your folded legs beneath you on the seat. Paying the frantic energy of his anxiety and lodged words no mind, you consider instead: your new reality. The burden of it all means very little to you now. The last of your worries is being readied for entombing as the two of you speed down the eighty nine, zinging past the bright Wyoming green. The thrum of his truck drowns out your thoughts, brand new, probably over a hundred grand, only the best for your father’s right hand man, and the Kelly Ranch insignia emblazoned proudly on the sides. A brand for the whole world to see just who exactly is being whisked away to her old home turned brand spanking new grave. 

You might be feeling a little bit dramatic. But then again— you’d just put your last remaining parent in an actual grave, surely that provides you some allowances. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see his big paw gripping the leathered steering wheel in a death clutch, knuckles white with his frustration at the dilemma you pose, his own discomfort. You’re sure if he thought you wouldn’t catch him, he’d be squirming in his seat. 

You do something to him sometimes, you know this. Not in any way you’d like, not in any interesting way, that of a woman affecting a man, but something respectfully harrowing. Maybe something a little bit like fear. 

There has existed between the two of you, always, that strange intimacy of two people who’ve known each other for a very long time, and yet, have always remained at a far removed, arms length distance from one another. 

A professional intimacy of sorts. Your father’s foreman, shadow, fixer. The man who guarded that treasure trove you’d inherit one day, today; the thing your father loved most in the world. Two people who’ve known each other a long time, and yet, don’t really know each other at all. 

There has always been, however, the fact of the birthday. 

The birthday. Your birthday.

The way you’d latched onto that small, immense, detail when you’d first discovered it at fourteen, when he’d newly arrived at the ranch and the true weight of your first real crush had really hit you, it was probably not entirely healthy. But you’d thought yourself in love with your father’s man, the first figure of the male species who’d ever drawn your attention in such a way. 

He’d never paid you any mind; you were the boss's daughter, a figurehead or a responsibility, maybe a nuisance, although he’d never ever treated you as one. But the day someone had let slip it was his birthday, on the same day as yours, your teenage heart had swelled with the naive hope of fate. It was meant to be, the two of you were connected, so on and so forth, swallowed by girlish innocence and made buoyant by fantasy. 

But you’d had something to share with someone, which was what really mattered. Something tangible, even if only in your inexperienced little mind, something to wield as comfort so that the first time your father had forgotten your special day, fifteen, and what a tender age it had been, you’d had something to cling to. That's when your gifts to him had started. It was your way of making sure there was at least one person in the whole world who’d remember that was your day too. That you were alive, that you mattered. A reminder of yourself. And as the years and birthdays passed, sometimes, when he sent those coldly gracious notes of his, you’d wished you could’ve written back with honesty. Said something like, I’m so lonely, wish you were here, wherever it was in the world you’d found yourself at the time. 

And of course, he was gorgeous and older, strong and patient and capable, entirely unattainable. Impossible to forget. You’d gone so far, traveled wide, gotten yourself an overpriced education that would probably serve you for nothing, had lovers and parties and splendor, and always, you remembered your gifts for him, you remembered him. It was the single most important detail of your birthday every year. 

The leather creaks beneath his fist again, chapped knuckles set to burst before he flexes his fingers out, long and straight. Thickly built hands, strong, made for working or hurting, on a man who you’ve never seen be anything but stoically patient. 

He was strange in that way, neither wholly impulsive nor precisely intentional in his mannerisms. More so, it was that there was something extremely neutral about him, a middle buoyancy of personality. Strict with the cowboys, exacting, wielding his title as ranch foreman with an iron fist and your father’s blessing, and yet still, quiet, serious, with that patient gentleness about him. You’d seen it in the way he’d handled Ellie when she’d first come to the ranch, young and skinny with that hollow look of trauma kids who’d seen things they shouldn’t have shamed adults with. She’d been a little older than you, and with an air you’d not understood, a sort of lived past you’d been naive to the existence of, frightened when confronted by it, and yet inevitably, the two of you’d become fast friends eventually.

You’d even experienced it yourself, on two treasured occasions, that gentleness that you’d held onto for years. Nurturing the memory of him in your mind like a delusional bloom. 

He stretches his hand again, wheel caught between his thumb and forefinger, cinching it there, back and forth. His nails are meticulously clean, cut to the quick, and you imagine he must spend a great deal of time cleaning himself up when he works so hard at getting himself so dirty most days. 

You can see him sneaking glances at you, and he coughs once, a clearing of his nervous throat. Averting your gaze, you turn your face away so that you’ll be able to watch him through the reflection in the window. He monopolizes the space in the cabin of the truck, broad shoulders and hulking form, all the fine leather smell washed away in the scent of him. That bay rum aftershave he’s always worn, the one with the distinctive notes of bay leaf, cloves and citrus. An old fashioned scent, masculine and crisp. 

You’d snuck into the bunk once with Ellie, before he’d moved into the foreman’s cabin, before Switzerland, when the two of you were still girls running rampant and free through the ranch, clutching desperately at the last vestiges of any sort of happy childhood you could scrounge up for one another. You’d peeked in his things, found a whole world of Joel shaped curiosities. The glass etched bottle of aftershave, a hole spotted t-shirt with a burnt orange longhorn across the front, Flannery O’Connor’s The Complete Stories—something you found comforting, knowing he could read about the small, the freakish, real life; thinking that perhaps he was homesick for the comfort of the South, hungering for a taste of the life he’d had then, through books. And then, in a spine cracked copy of Suttree, the pages almost falling apart beneath your fingertips, dog eared and well loved, her picture tucked between the pages.

It had been the first time you’d done something you knew you shouldn’t have and actually regretted it, looking down at that green eyed photograph. 

You’d run back to your room after that, ashamed and something a little bit like jealous, desperate to know who she was, desperate for someone to keep a picture of you like that—as if they loved you. And years later, you’d found the scent for yourself. The little molasses glass bottle you still have and pull out on occasion, when you’re feeling extra bad, extra lonesome, extra far away from the whole world, just for a reminding of home. 

Beside you, he sighs again, coughs again, brings you back to himself and the present. Just spit it out already, you think exasperatedly, say something, anything else besides how sorry you are. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” he starts, and you roll your eyes, scoffing quietly. 

“You already said that.” Sullen. Mullish. You wish you were a child who could still throw a tantrum and get away with it. Letting your eyes go unfocused from his reflection in the window, you brood at the sight of everything that’s yours now as he turns off the highway, passing below the iron eave of the Kelly Ranch entrance. Eight hundred thousand acres of pristine Wyoming land nestled into the deep valley surrounded by the Grand Tetons mountain range. 

“Well, I’m sayin’ it again.” He’s driving too fast, and you refuse to turn and look at his face. Your heart beats blood in your ears, and you screw your eyes shut to the dizzying blur of green legacy, not wanting to see any of it—him. 

Your belly swoops, going slightly nauseous and gurgling. 

“I didn’t think you’d get here so quick.” He swallows, “Hell, I didn’t think it’d all happen so damn fast.”

“I was already in New York,” you tell him, voice clipped with breathlessness. “I left Paris last week.”

“What? I didn’t know— I—”

“Why would you?”

“I would’ve called you. I would’ve gotten you out here quicker.”

“Ellie called. It’s better like this, Joel.” Finally letting yourself say his name out loud, it feels wrong and molten on your tongue, a heaviness being spit up from the depths of your stomach. “We don’t have to pretend anymore. He’s dead now.”

“There’s no pretending. He wanted to see you—”

“Please, stop.”

But he urges on unheeded: “He told me so before I left. Told me—”

“Stop,” you snap. Finally turning to look at him and hating him for it. For how gorgeous he is, for all the things he’s always made you feel for as long as you can remember what it was to feel something for a man, for all he did or did not have with your father when you had none of it or so much of an entirely different thing. “Stop. I don’t want to hear any of it. It doesn't matter anymore, Joel.”

“But you should know. You deserve to know that—”

“What?” Because that one hurts. “I deserve to know what?” That he actually had loved you but had just never been able to show it? That now it was too late? That the only person the great Oswald Kelly had ever been able to speak to of the supposed care he had for his only daughter was the hired help? You’d read once that one should never let their parents anywhere near their real humiliations. You’d tried your damndest to follow that as soon as you’d grown up. “It’s not your place,” you seethe with teeth bared, an animal shoved into a corner and made to fight for its life, deciding you won’t ever let Joel near them either.  

He spits a cursing, growled sound of frustration, but doesn’t continue. The two of you find yourselves at an impasse, and you turn back to your windowed mirror of him, eyes pinching hot, filling with tears. One of the things your father disliked most about you, your easy tears, and a single salt marred inadequacy tracks down the slope of your cheek, dripping off the edge of your jaw into the bandaged cup of your palm, and you breathe slow and measured through your open mouth, watching the fog cloud grow and shrink against the glass obscuring your vision of him. 

-

The last time you’d missed your mother, the one you’d never known, in any sort of real and true way, you’d been eighteen. Returning to an empty house after celebrating your high school graduation in a far off school, alone. 

In the midst of your sophomore year, you’d been sent away to a Swiss boarding school. It had been something worse than devastating, losing your life in Wyoming, the only home you’d ever know, Ellie, the other people on the ranch… But it was far removed enough that you couldn’t bother, where you couldn’t ask for things like attention or consideration. The education had been excellent, the upbringing desperately lonely ending on a whimpering sigh despite your many accomplishments. You’d wanted her very badly then indeed, your mother. To have been there, to have helped you pick your dress, kissed your cheek after watching you walk across the stage. To have wiped your tears when she told you that your father wasn’t there because he was busy managing the whole world, but that he was proud of you, that he’d have been there if he could. You’d wished she could’ve been there to lie to you so that you wouldn’t have needed to lie to yourself. 

Peering down from your balanced perch atop the deck’s bannister, you survey the deep bed of Lily of the Valley, destroyed beneath the vindictive soles of your bare feet. He’d planted them for her all around the house after she’d died, her favorite flower. 

You’d always hated them. 

And that was the thing of it all, which you’d learned when you grew old enough to recognize such things like disdain. He couldn't stand you because you reminded him of her. Clichéd and old and tired. An excuse for being a neglectful father. The daughter who was too much like her dead mother, and thus did not deserve to be loved. 

You tip your head back, nursing at the lip of fine aged Macallan, and the sky is a glass mirror of blackened silver streaks. You’re almost positive that all the stars in the Milky Way are visible from right here at this very spot in the heart of Wyoming. The sight makes your broken heart feel full and falsely mended. 

You’re certain you’re painting a pretty picture right now: tipsy on a bottle of your dead dad’s sacredly hoarded whiskey that probably cost as much as someone’s house, staring up at the stars in your newly inherited home with a whole unappreciated life full of possibilities ahead of you. Basking in the title of your newly minted— orphan-hood? Orphan-ness? A peer of the orphans. 

You snort softly, sucking on the bottle again, letting the heat of it settle in your belly, smolder in your heart. Your head feels full of bubbles and sugar and sad. 

There’s a part of you that feels a little ridiculous, despite the circumstances. You’re good at compartmentalizing, good at being objective of your realities. Obviously: sad because your father is now dead, and it’d been nine months and eleven days since you’d last spoken to him. Sad because he’d never given a shit about you. Sad because you’re alone, dumped by the stupid French jockey boyfriend who you’d not even liked very much, just a few days before this whole pathetic ordeal of acquiring your orphan-hood, yeah, that’s what you’re sticking with, had occurred. Not to mention the army of looming lawyers and financial advisors and various heads of business vying for your attention, waiting for the what next?

And Joel.

A one man army of looming Joel. 

So you’re feeling morose, blue, maybe a little spoiled, but brought low and cut short. Depressed and unsatisfied with your life thus far. 

Poor little rich girl. Poor little orphan. Poor little me.

What you want? 

Someone to care. 

Someone to love you. 

Hard to come by. Impossible to buy. 

The stars gleam purple silver, winking at you. The bracketing black so dark it swallows the eye. Another taste of the nutty bouquet of smoked apple oranges, and soon you’ll be tipsy enough you won’t be able to balance your butt on the bannister’s ledge anymore. Maybe you’ll go humpty dumpty over the edge and crack your skull against your mother’s valley of destroyed Lily’s. 

You laugh again with sound now, not crazy, only an orphan, ha, but you think that it’s only that it feels shockingly as if you’ve fallen through the surface of your life. As if you are still falling with nothing and no one to grab on to, to help stabilize you. A really terrible, shit-out-of-luck feeling. 

Your eyes continue their infernal leaking, and you blow your nose loudly on the inside of your sweater. You’ve given yourself three days to do whatever the hell you want, be as disgusting as you may. When the three days are up you’ll plan to get your act together, take responsibility and hold of your life and become the woman you should be. 

Who that is? Still being decided. 

You think that maybe you’ll buy another jet before that time’s up. Or an island. Something ridiculous. Maybe you’ll sell the goddamn ranch. 

You eye the dark rolling hills of the valley with seething suspicion. Let’s see what Joel says about that. You, marching up to the highway entrance and spearing a For Sale sign in the dirt of the largest privately owned cattle ranch in the continental United States. Way more than that God forsaken surly frown is what you’d get. 

So long, Joel, it’s been swell. I’m done with this place. It’s time to pack it up and find some new hunk of land to care about more than you care about me or anything else. 

Maybe you’ll be real funny and put up a Craigslist ad. 

And it isn’t that you don’t love this place, the only home you’ve ever known. You do. In a way that is passionate and consuming and irreconcilable. Everything about it, the serenity, the guarding mountains and the deep woods, the home you’d been born in, that both your parents had died in. You do love it in your way. 

It’s only that every man you’ve ever loved—loved—had always cared more about the place than he’d ever cared about you. 

For the longest time, most of your youth until you’d decided that you officially felt an adult, you’d thought you’d hated your father. There was just so much anger and resentment and the resound of his ever furious words and insults and endless disappointment. The echo of no mother ringing so loudly in your ears that the confounding feelings had all been mistaken for hatred. But with age and distance and life, you’d realized you didn't hate him. You never had. You thought, actually, and this was a very good and mature thought of yours, that you were the only person in the whole world that had ever seen him as only a man and not a god. 

He was only a man, full of greed and grief and missing the mother of the child he’d probably never wanted. Nothing more or less. 

Maybe it was that you felt sorry for him. Not in the way of pity, but in the way of one person feeling empathy for another in a clinical and helpless sort of manner. And a numb, detached sort of sadness. A longing for something that you’d never had and had always wanted but eventually learned to live without. 

Ultimately, his disappointment had turned on him, and now it was all you felt you had for him at the end of it all. 

But, for some reason, and an annoying one at that, you do think that, if you try very, very hard, you could bring yourself to hate Joel Miller. There’s satisfaction in that possibility, vindication—resentment that even now, as practically strangers, you know he’d be able to pull that sort of feeling out of you which could result in hatred. Something strong and overwhelming and not easily escaped. 

Your stomach rumbles, and you smile blithely at all your inherited legacy, filling the hollow with more drink. Three days to behave very badly, as badly as you can. The whiskey is so good, and swishing it around in your mouth, you tip your head back further, gurgling it loudly at the back of your throat. 

“What the hell are you doing?”

You jerk, scrambling to keep your balance, choking a little on smokey apples and your own spit. A trickle of the golden amber liquor drips out of the corner of your mouth as you find him hiding in the dark across the deck. Accustomed to drooling over him, you wipe it away with the back of your hand. 

“Having a party. Would you like to join?”

“Are you drunk again?”

Tough crowd. Ugh.  “Never mind. You’re not invited. Go away.”

“You need to go inside and go to bed.”

You tip your chin at him, putting on doe eyes. “Alright. And are you going to be my new daddy also?” You say in a baby voice.

Fucking Christ, you hear him whisper under his breath, turning away to run an exasperated palm over his mouth. Frustration seethes off of him like sulfur. He’s tired. Of you maybe. Of the whole circus this place has become in the past few days—and rightfully so. 

“What do you want? I’m extremely busy, if you can’t tell.”

“Just thought I’d check on ya.” Courteous, always the gentleman, bullshit. You roll your eyes at him. 

“I don’t need you to check on me.” And you, ever the child. One day you swear you’ll grow up. 

But it can’t be said that you’re entirely selfish either. You have considered the fact of Joel’s own grief at the loss of your father. After all, they’d been much closer than you’d ever been to him for many years. And maybe, in his own cold and removed and superior way, your father had seen this man who you’ve thought yourself in love with since you were a teenager, as something like a son. 

Probably, that’s just your own wishful thinking: that Oswald Kelly had ever been capable of such tender feelings.

Maybe the fact of Joel’s own grief is the thorn beneath your nail bed that’s making you so angry with him, so needing of his attention. Maybe it’s that he’d failed to fulfill your silly and girlish fantasy that upon receiving the news of your only remaining parents death, he’d have been here waiting for you, at this home he’d guarded for you for so long, ready to take you into his arms and console and care for you. 

When instead, he’d been off doing what he’d always done for as long as you’d known him. Protecting your father’s interests, his legacy. 

“Is this how it’s going to be?”

“How?”

“You, being difficult.” Driving me fuckin’ crazy— he adds again under his breath. 

“I’m an orphan now, Joel.” You’re becoming quickly addicted to the word. “I think I should be afforded a tiny bit of leeway to drive people fuckin’ crazy,” you mock his Southern drawl. Enough of your time had been spent in Europe over the past two years, kissing Europeans, that you’d sloughed off the last of your American twang; something of a vaguely European lilt peppering your words every now and then that Ellie likes to tease you for whenever the two of you speak on occasion. 

A muscle under his left eye twitches at the jab, and you take another deep swig of the bottle, provoking him with your gaze. Wishing you had whatever it is a woman needs to entice this man. Like the fucking vet. Fucking world renowned, brilliant, highly coveted, beautiful veterinarian. You know about her. You’re sure he thinks he’s been discreet over the years with their whatever they’ve had, Tess, but you know. 

Maybe you’ll be insane and irrational and possessive, taking advantage of your three crazy days, and fire her with your new found power. See what he has to say about that. Ha.

Ha. Ha. Ha. 

Obviously not. 

Despite your current hysteria, your goal is not to send the ranch head over heels into a tailspin.

But the imagining is soothing. 

“Want some?” You hold the heavy crystal out towards him in a peace offering, held precariously between two sweaty knuckles. “It’s probably worth as much as your truck. Would be a waste for me to finish on my own.” You eye what’s left of it, about half, and give him a sheepish grin. It really is very good. 

He looks at you for one long, solemn moment, always so silent and pensive, this strange enigma of a man. You get to watch in real time as he loses whatever fight it is he’s trying to fight against you, victorious when he shrugs and comes over slowly, resting his butt against the bannister—a carefully respectful distance away from you. 

When he takes the bottle from your swinging clutch, gripped from the base, careful not to touch you in any way, you see the real sad in his eyes. The dim lights bleeding out through the big windows of the family room without a family shine on his face in strips and bursts. A shadow here, golden warmth there. He’s got more lines around his eyes than you remember from the last time you’d been this close to him. Smile lines made bright white in the center and gold burnished at the edges from too much sun. There’s little bursts of silver threaded at his temples now too, a gleam here and there in his dark beard. Forty four years old, he’d turned on your last birthday. 

You dig your nails into the soft meat of your palms, and your belly smolders as he brings the bottle to his lips, tasting the exact place your own mouth had just been moments ago. You press your knees together as hard as you can, head a little woozy with the color of his eyes; the most gorgeous green, caramel hazel. 

You’d graduated two years ago with a degree in art history and had done absolutely nothing with it since. It was just that everything appeared boring and pointless and shallow. Your whole life had one day suddenly seemed just a little silly. Useless, overpriced degree, nothing to be done with extensive knowledge in color theory when your world is expecting such different things from you now. 

But you sure as hell can appreciate the color of his eyes in extensive and meticulous detail. There is that. 

Watching the slow slide of the amber liquor down the bottle-neck, the long pull of his lush mouth, the ripple of his strong throat, and the way his eyes go a little wider, shocked at how good it is. You laugh soft: “I know, right.”

He takes another pull, another swallow. That’s what you want to be—swallowed just like that. “Damn, that’s good.” His mouth is a little wet, bottom lip shiny with thousands of dollars worth of your father’s favorite whiskey, and his eyes are sad. 

You’d said you were going to be bad, but you don’t want to be bad to him. “I’m sorry,” you whisper.

He swallows again, tipping his head towards you, trying to catch your too soft words—he’s got a bad ear, you know why—and turns to peer at you from beneath his low pulled brow, the tip of his tongue peeking out to swipe at the drop of liquor you wish you could suck off his tongue. 

“You’ve got nothin’ to be sorry for.”

The first time he’d shown you that gentleness of his: You’d fallen from your horse at school in your junior year. Something had frightened the beast, and she’d bucked you, sent you flying ten feet in the air, ragdoll-like, before you’d landed badly on your right arm, a comminuted fracture in your radius that you’d needed surgery to fix. At your insistence, and with only a few weeks left to spare, you’d been sent home for the remainder of the semester. Your father had been incensed but eventually allowed it. He’d been away from the ranch on business, after all, at no risk of being truly disturbed by you. But when you’d been readying to return to Switzerland at the end of the summer, arm healed, courage not, you’d not been able to get back on a horse no matter what you tried. Joel had helped you, before they’d shipped you off again. Trotted the corral with you for hours and hours before you’d finally been able to relax and sit on your own without tears and vertigo. No questions or admonishments, nothing but the quiet burr of his deep voice, guiding you and the mare along. 

It had been a kindness unlike any you’d experienced in maybe your whole life. 

“I’ve been bad.”

“Nah. You couldn’t ever be.”

The second time: “Did today make you think of Sarah?” Years after you’d found that green eyed photograph, he’d shared her with you. 

His gaze turns suddenly sharp, but you’re not worried you’ve stepped in unbreachable territory. “Yeah.” The echo of her name rings around the two of you. 

“In a bad way or a good way?” He takes another long swig, a low whistle through his teeth and a shake of his head before he’s handing the bottle back to you—again, carefully. 

“Both.”

You take your own swallow, slicking your tongue all around where his just was, and you’re drunk for real now. Drunk on a man. 

“Do you ever regret telling me about her?”

“Nah.” He tips his head back, looking up at the thick beams of the deck’s awning. He’s got the longest lashes you’ve ever seen on a man, thick and curling. The deepest voice you’ve ever heard too, sultry, a bedroom voice. A voice for fucking. Your belly swirls and dips, and you want so much you’re dizzy with it. 

Heart beating like it’s about to burst, out of breath on the verge of hyperventilating, you can taste his mouth in your mouth, the imagination flavor of it. This is what it must feel like to die. This is what your father must have felt like three days ago, this agony. 

His Adam’s apple bobs, and it’s so pronounced, the skin of his throat sun pebbled. There isn’t an inch of him that isn’t all rough-hewn man. “You needed to hear about her then, I s’pose.” 

Yes. “You told me when I needed you to.” After that lonely graduation, the last time you’d missed her really very badly, longed for a mother. Alone, alone, alone little girl. 

“You were missin’ your momma somethin’ fierce. Needed to know you weren’t the only one that felt like that sometimes.”

You laugh a not-laugh, butt scraping against the railing, slipping off your perch, socked-feet thudding beside his gifted boots. The pleasure you feel whenever you see him use one of the things you’ve given him is indescribable. 

“Silly,” you say with barely any sound, his bad ear reaches for your voice again. “At the time it felt like I was the only person in the whole world that had ever felt like that.”

“We all feel like that at one point or another, I reckon.”

“Will you miss him a lot?” You ask looking up at him, the beautiful profile, the strong jaw. You’ve always wondered how he sees you. If he’s ever thought you were beautiful. Other men do, it’s a common thing, a nothing sort of thing. There are always men, there will always be men. But this singular man—this one is not like the rest. 

“Maybe. Can’t tell yet, don’t think. But it felt wrong earlier, walking through his house without him in it.” His house, not yours. 

“Do you wish he’d been your father?” And he turns to look down at you at that, gaze snapping, and you can tell you’ve shocked him with the question. But you’d always wondered. 

“No. Never,” he says with such assuredness, an uncompromising shake of his head. 

And the answer doesn't necessarily shock you in turn. You don't think anyone could have ever wanted a father like that. But it also doesn't help you understand what it was that lived between them either. 

He sighs, perhaps reading the confusion in your gaze. “He helped me at a time when I needed it real bad. Gave me a place and a purpose and a thing to do and take care of. You get me? It was gratitude—maybe. He saved me in a way, after Sarah. Nothing more.” He thinks for a moment, and then, “Perhaps it was that we understood each other about certain things.”

You gaze across the sprawl of dark land as far as the eye reaches, that point of no return where the earth shoots up into the sky, purple blue behemoths in the shape of mountains. 

From this spot, rooted to the deck of your family home, it seems like the whole world is yours to keep. Also, like you’ll never be able to touch any of it with fingers or taste or meaning. 

Your love for this place is complicated—tied up in the people, the memories, the could’ves and should’ves, the whole dreamscape idea of the monument of childhood and all it’d really never been. The time away had felt eternal, like you’d never really been here to begin with, like the young girl who’d grown up on this land had never really existed. But you’d not forgotten them, this, despite your distance. Your home, the father that wouldn’t want you, Wyoming and all its splendor, the people you’d left behind, Joel and Ellie and shared birthdays that meant a secret world to you. Morsels of small happinesses interloped amidst a largely lonely and sad childhood. That’s what it was at its core. 

“Would you be angry with me if I gave it all away?”

He thinks for a moment, maybe you’re making him sadder, but then finally says with a swallow, “No. It’s yours to do with as you please.”

You eye the quarter of whiskey left, but your belly isn’t hungry for its warmth anymore. You want something heavier now. 

“Could you even do that—legally—sell it or somethin’?”

“Probably not. He probably tied it to my fucking life. Sell and die.” You mime your name in an imitation of your fathers deep voice, frowning at yourself the way he’d always frowned when he looked at you, but it pulls a laugh from him, and the painful memory is worth it. “But I have a billion dollars to spend now. More?” You tap your chin—you want to make him laugh again. “Gotta think of something interesting to do with it all.”

His mouth slides into an easy half grin. Like the moon—that beautiful. And he turns to face you fully. “You’re gonna be just fine. You know that, right?”

You turn to face him too, gripping the bannister for dear life. “What? Will you make sure of it?”

“That’s my plan.”

“How’re you gonna do that, d’you reckon?” The American twang bleeds back into your voice, and you’re all swollen lush on the inside, heart a beating fist in your chest. 

“Haven’t gotten that far, if I’m bein’ honest with you.” God. His eyes, the strong bridge of his nose, his mouth. He’s so tall your head has to crook back to look up at him. “I’ll figure something out.” And after another pensive second, and still with that soft, sloped eye smile, he asks, and nicely, “Will you stop drinking now—for me?”

“Maybe tomorrow,” you say with the same sort of smile in return. 

And then suddenly, like vomit again but maybe more humiliating this time: “Did you respect him?” Because you don’t know all the things about him that there are to know, but you do know that Joel Miller’s respect is a thing hard earned. 

He clicks his tongue, and you hear the pop of his jaw as he shifts it like he’s chewing on an honesty. His eyes, his eyes, they’re serious, mercurial, warm and deep also. You worry he won’t answer, that he wouldn’t want to disappoint you or something, but then: “No,” said real simple like.

“Why not?”

And the way he looks down at you, you know already, and it makes that falling through the surface of your own life feeling rise up inside you again, makes your ears pop with embarrassment. Ah. “He never did a very good job of hiding the way he treated you, sweetheart. I couldn’t ever respect a man like that.” 

This is reality right here, this is you falling through your life, this is the realization that it wasn’t only you imposing yourself, your existence, on someone with gifts they didn’t want or ask for. Joel had seen. Joel had understood. 

Someone else had noticed that you exist, and it had been him. 

What else had you ever wanted?

And in the blink of a desperate, yearning eye, drunk on a man still, you’re throwing yourself at him, pressing your mouth hot and heavy to his, kissing him full on the way you’d dreamt of since you knew to dream of such things.

Chapter 2; Sugar, Not so Sweet

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[fkinkindagauche]

Wild God

This is for day 20 of @steddie-spooktober, "cryptid" as well as @strangerthingswritersguild Kinktober prompt "worship". I fell asleep before I could finish it last night, so it is a day late on both! If you haven't listened to Nick Cave's new album, Wild God, yet, you should. The album is not actually about monsterfucking, but I like to think he really wouldn't mind the title being co-opted for that.

Summary: Mothman is in the woods of Hawkins and he's apparently a really good lay.

Rating: Explicit | WC: 2,229 | Tags: Anal Sex, Rimming, Monster Eddie Munson, Monsterfucker Steve Harrington, Blood, Biting, Unsafe Sex with Cryptids, Prehensile Tongues

Steve has become increasingly obsessed with the creature in the woods. Lucas says it's Mothman, who came to Indiana from West Virginia (“he has wings, you know”), while Dustin claims it’s just a weird sandhill crane. 

Steve doesn’t tell Dustin and Lucas what he knows, from overhearing a discussion at a party a few weeks before. He’d been pouring himself a drink in the kitchen when two girls came in, excitedly whispering to each other, not noticing Steve was there. 

“And it was so big,” one of the girls whispers. “I’ve never seen a cock that size before. It felt amazing.”

“You’re joking, right?” the other girl says, incredulous. “You didn’t actually fuck a random monster in the woods.”

“I swear, I did,” the first girl says, looking annoyed at not being believed. “Mary did, too, ask her.”

“Mary also said she fucked Justin Bieber. That’s not exactly helping your case.”

“If you don’t believe me, go try it yourself. If you spend the night out by Skull Rock, he’ll come.” She suggestively waggles her eyebrows. “In more ways than one.” 

Steve doesn’t really know why, but his interest is piqued. He asks around over the next few weeks, and finds out more. It’s apparently become a bit of a thing with the people around his age in Hawkins. The girls are calling the creature the Wild God, saying they’re going into the woods to worship, and the boys mostly seem to think the girls are all making it up to piss them off.

He talks to three separate groups of girls who tell him similar versions of the same story - they went to Skull Rock to camp, and around midnight, the creature approached, standing at the edge of the camp. He’s been described to Steve as anywhere from seven to ten feet tall, with wings, red eyes, and a huge cock. All you have to do is walk up to him and say, “I’m yours for the night,” and, if the girls are to be believed, you’ll have the best sex of your life. 

Steve, who has become increasingly bored with the girls of Hawkins, his sex life more of a slog than it is enjoyable, finds himself wondering what it would be like, to be fucked. He’s never experimented with men before, even though he has had thoughts. He especially wonders what it would be like to be fucked by a wild god. 

He makes Robin tell him everything he needs to know to spend a night in the woods, refusing to tell her why he needs to know. He goes to other sources (a sex shop in downtown Indy) to find out what he needs to know about what else he hopes will happen. He purchases varying sizes of dildos ranging from beginner to gigantic at the sex shop, and purchases a tent at a more respectable establishment. He spends a few weeks getting used to the feeling of his fingers, and then the dildos, inside of him. He likes it, almost more than he likes having his own dick buried inside someone. 

Once he’s graduated to the largest dildo, he decides to give his plan a try on one night in late October. He reaches Skull Rock around 10pm, with the moon high and full in the sky. He sets up his tent, starts a small fire, and settles in, prepared to wait as long as he needs. He can be patient. One hour passes, then two. He hears the sounds of the forest at night around him, small animals and insects going about their business, rustling and chirping. 

Just as he worries he may be about to nod off, he hears something larger moving through the undergrowth. His eyes scan the forest around him, the moon shedding plenty of light on the scene as a large shape comes into focus. It’s taller than a man, but not by too much, with the shape of unfurled wings making a shadow against the light of the moon. Steve can see two red orbs glowing in the dark - eyes. 

The creature stops about twenty feet from Steve, eyes pointed directly at him where he sits by his fire. It moves closer after a few moments, and the closer it comes to Steve, the more he can see in the light of the moon.

It’s mostly humanoid, but covered in a thin layer of fur, with large wings extending from its shoulders. The figure wears no clothes, and Steve’s eyes take in the size of the cock between its legs, which had not been exaggerated by the girls, before being drawn back up to its head, surrounded by a halo of unruly, long dark hair. 

The creature approaches closer, reaching a clawed hand out toward Steve. Steve studies its face, feeling a gentle thrum of something like recognition. Large, dark eyes, now with a distinct red tint, full lips, frizzy mane of hair, lines at the side of the mouth where dimples would be if it smiled. 

“Eddie?” Steve says, shock in his voice. It can’t be Eddie. He died five months ago.

The creature tilts his head to the side, confusion apparent on his face. The more Steve sees, the more he knows in his core that this is Eddie in front of him, changed almost beyond recognition. 

“Do you remember me?” Steve asks, as Eddie reaches out one clawed finger and strokes down his cheek.

Eddie doesn’t respond, just keeps looking at Steve, eyes hungry. Maybe he can’t even speak anymore. Steve remembers why he’s here, eyes tracking down to where Eddie’s cock rests between his legs. He would be lying to himself if he said he hadn’t been attracted to Eddie even before he got turned into a monster with a giant cock.

Steve takes a deep breath and says, “I’m yours for the night.” He wants to worship at the feet of the Wild God, especially since that god just happens to be Eddie Munson. 

Eddie makes a noise which Steve can only describe as a growl, then leans forward to press his mouth to Steve’s. Calling what ensues a kiss would be a mischaracterization. Eddie plunders Steve’s mouth, all sharp teeth and inhumanly long tongue. Steve tastes blood from where one of Eddie’s incisors has nicked his bottom lip. He moans into Eddie’s mouth as Eddie licks into him, mapping the inside of Steve’s mouth with his tongue. 

One of Eddie’s now huge arms wraps around Steve, pulling him flush against his body. Steve can feel Eddie’s cock growing hard where it’s pressed against his hip, so warm even through his jeans that Steve is worried it will burn his bare skin. He feels one of Eddie’s legs slot between his own, and starts to rut down onto it, his own cock so hard it’s almost painful. 

Eddie’s mouth moves to Steve’s neck, biting and licking, no doubt leaving ample marks which will be hard to explain to anyone who sees them. His clawed hands bunch in Steve’s sweater, pausing for a moment before tearing. Tatters of fabric fall from his body and he shivers as his skin is exposed to the cold. 

Eddie unfurls his massive wings, wrapping them around Steve, effectively blocking out the cold. It’s warm in this protected little alcove in the woods as Eddie moves his clawed hands to Steve’s jeans. 

“Wait,” Steve says, and Eddie pauses, red eyes inquisitive. “These jeans are expensive,” Steve explains, not sure Eddie understands him at all, but taking advantage of the pause to remove his jeans and boxers so they don’t also end up in tatters on the forest floor. 

As soon as he’s naked, Eddie starts to back him toward the fire, wings returning to their furled station on his back and clawed hands encircling Steve’s waist as he picks him up like Steve is a small child and not a fully grown man. He lays Steve on the ground beside the fire and blankets himself over him so Steve doesn’t even have a chance to be cold. 

Eddie starts to kiss and bite down Steve’s body, briefly nuzzling Steve’s straining cock before licking the whole length of it. His tongue is way longer than it should be, and seemingly prehensile, wrapping around Steve’s cock almost like a snake and gently stroking him. Steve moans loudly, bucking his hips up and grabbing handfuls of Eddie’s tangled, matted hair. 

Eddie moves further down, licking over Steve’s balls and grabbing his hips, pulling them up to get access to Steve’s hole. His tongue plunges easily inside of Steve, who opened himself up using his largest dildo right before setting out on this trip. The tongue presses and curls inside of him, seeking blindly until it finds that spot that makes Steve scream. 

Steve thrusts himself up into Eddie’s face, fucking himself on that absolutely earth-shattering tongue. Eddie continues to press perfectly into his prostate and Steve feels an unbearable pleasure start to build in his lower abdomen. He reaches down for his own cock and starts to stroke. It only takes two pumps before he’s coming all over his belly and chest, moaning and writhing on Eddie’s tongue.

Eddie keeps tongue-fucking him until the overstimulation becomes unbearable and Steve tugs on his hair. Eddie moves his face up, red eyes locking onto Steve's as he leans down and bites Steve’s hip, hard enough to break the skin. Steve groans and feels his cock twitching with the intense pleasure-pain of the sensation, Eddie’s tongue coming out to lick up the blood. 

Eddie moves up his body, kissing and licking and biting as he goes, until he’s face to face with Steve once again. Steve can feel Eddie’s hard cock pressing against his hip, huge and very wet. He reaches down and grabs hold, stroking. There’s an ample amount of a viscous fluid coating Eddie’s cock now, as if he can make his own lubricant. 

Eddie shudders as Steve strokes him, bending to lick into Steve’s mouth once again as Steve shifts to position the head of Eddie’s cock at his entrance. Eddie moves slowly, pressing his hips forward gently as he breaches Steve, stretching him. Eddie’s cock is about the size of the largest dildo he bought, a dildo he had been sure would be much larger than any actual cock he would ever take. 

The extensive prep that Steve did earlier, along with Eddie’s natural lubricant, are the only reasons it’s even physically possible for his body to accommodate Eddie. He sinks in slowly, giving Steve ample time to adjust, the care with which he moves belying his monstrous appearance. He pulls back to stare at Steve, gaze intense and more human than it has been this whole time, the red fading a little from his eyes as he finally bottoms out. 

Steve feels gloriously full and claimed, in a way he hadn’t anticipated. He presses a hand to his belly and he can feel where Eddie’s cock makes a palpable bulge. Inside, it presses into his prostate, and as Eddie starts to move Steve can feel his cock miraculously hardening again, almost immediately after his first orgasm.

Steve lets out a constant stream of wanton groans and pants as Eddie starts fucking into him in earnest, clawed hands braced on either side of Steve’s head as he pounds Steve into the forest floor. Steve meets each of his thrusts with his own, bucking up into Eddie as much as he’s able. 

Every brush of Eddie’s cock against his prostate builds inside of Steve until he feels like he’s going to explode. As Eddie bends his head to one of Steve’s pecs and bites down hard, Steve feels a second orgasm tear through his body, cock spurting a miniscule amount of cum onto his stomach as his whole body clenches around Eddie.

Eddie lets out a noise that can only be characterized as a roar and Steve starts to feel a warmth spreading inside himself as Eddie thrusts as deep into his ass as he can go and comes. It lasts a long time, longer than Steve ever thought an orgasm could last, and he feels excess cum dribbling out of his ass around Eddie’s cock. 

Eddie collapses against him, panting heavily, wings coming out to form a protective barrier around the two of them. Steve can feel Eddie’s cock starting to soften inside of his ass, and eventually it softens enough to slip out, a gush of cum following to coat the tops of Steve’s thighs. 

Eddie pushes himself up a little, looking down at Steve. The red of his eyes is more muted now, the color closer to the brown Steve was used to seeing. Steve reaches a hand up to cup one of Eddie’s cheeks.

“Can I come back to see you again tomorrow?” Steve asks.

“Yes,” Eddie says, voice gravelly with disuse and much deeper than it had been before. “Please.”

Steve smiles, elated at this evidence that Eddie is still in there somewhere, able to understand and respond. Then Steve remembers how he even found out about Eddie, and his face crumples into a frown.

“And stop fucking other girls. You’re my monster now,” Steve says, glaring.

“Okay, Stevie,” Eddie says, as he moves down Steve’s body to start thoroughly cleaning up the mess with his tongue.

Divider by @steddiecameraroll-graphics.

[hoe4sports]

If you were to go

Alessia Russo x Reader

-A part of the “a version of you” series.

A/N: This is a super short one, I’m still trying to get my writers block away. Feels like we are one step closer to figuring out this maze of doubt.

Warning: None

Summary: A fear strikes Alessia, and she instantly feels a need to sort it out, even though she most likely will never have to deal with the situation.

-

Shortly after moving to England, all the way from Norway; you got back in contact with an old friend of yours. Your old friend was Frida, who happened to play for the same club as Alessia. After your move, you and Frida had grown close. She brought you to her football matches, and you would meet her down on the field afterwards. It was pure routine. Eventually, Alessia get pregnant by a Norwegian donor. She had read tons of articles about children being estranged from their culture, so she brought you in to help Leonora learn Norwegian. The little project was a success. It was so successful that you and Alessia ended up falling in love, before moving in together.

The relationship between the three of you had been closely monitored by Alessia. She wanted her daughter to know, and own her story. For Lionora’s life, that meant knowing that you weren’t her real mother. She wasn’t bothered by it, being like most children; their normal was what they were used to.

Alessia had left for camp, and she didn’t want to bring Lionora. Lionora was older now. That included faster and sneaky which meant that she needed supervision at all times. Her conclusion was that she wanted Lionora to stay behind in England with you when she went to play Spain. Time had practically flown by, you loving every chance to have some special one on one time with Lionora.

“Når kommer mommy hjem?" Lionora asked squirming around on her chair by the kitchen table. “Hun kommer i kveld, bunnies or piggies?» you asked, the little girl barely sitting still. “Braids!” she squealed back. Her reaction made you giggle. This was your special routine every day. When she had breakfast, you would carefully do her hair for the day. Her favourite was always the braids even though it was the hardest to do considering sitting still wasn’t her favourite activity.

Her hands were eating the dry cereal she had insisted on for breakfast, happily munching away on the dry bits. She’s become a big girl. At least that’s what she thinks, but to you: she’s still that tiny doll-like baby you met 3 and a half years ago.

You practically raised her as your own. You would talk Norwegian to her, make Norwegian food, braid her hair, place bandaids on her wounds, bring her to football practice and pick her up from nursery. She even knew your parents back in Norway, occasionally FaceTiming with them in Norwegian. Alessia had tried to learn Norwegian, but couldn’t advance further than the basics mostly because of her obstructed time. She didn’t feel bad about it, whatsoever. She loved that the pair of you had your own culture to share between you, it mended your souls together in a way that Alessia couldn’t grasp.

You knew everything that there was to know about Lionora. She loves blueberries, but cherries are yuck. She loves jumping on the trampoline, but hates the swing . She loves bananas, but she’s allergic to it unless it’s baked or cooked into something. She loves Norway and England. She loves to go see your parents, and she loves when they call her Nora. She think it’s her Norwegian name. She is already a kitty girl, but she’s scared of your bother’s parrots. You think it’s strange, how you can love someone like your own without being there from day one. How your parents has submerged her into your family by giving her Christmas presents, birthday presents, sending easter eggs from Norway and how they like to spoil her because they insist on her being the first grandchild.

Subconsciously, you might say that you were meant to be a family. You and Alessia share the blonde hair and the blonde eye colour with Lionora, but you and Lionora has an extra Nordic touch. One thing you had in common; was your love for slow mornings like these. You carefully braided her hair back, bringing strands of her long hair together without tugging on it too much. Alessia also loved slow mornings; she would usually sit across from Leonora drinking her coffee while eating breakfast admiring the love that filled the room whenever you braided her daughter’s hair. Whenever she couldn’t be here, she was always trying to FaceTime you before training and pre-match walks.

“Huh, mommy, FaceTime!» Lionora squealed when your calm morning was interrupted by Alessia’s need to see her girls. You held her hair in place, while putting the phone towards the flowerpot so she could see Lionora without her having to hold it.

“Hi mommy! I miss you so much” Lionora said while waving her little hand at the screen.

“I miss you too, love. How did you sleep?” Alessia asked taking a sip of her coffee.

“I dreamed about a cat! Can I please please please have a cat? A black little cat called midnatt” Lionora insisted while gesturing with her hands.

“A cat? Why? And what does midnatt even mean?” Alessia wondered, amazed with how much Norwegian her daughter had learned without Alessia needing to know a single word.

“Mommy, duuuh, you know why! Bestemor and Bestefar in Norway has an black cat» Leonora said while leaning her elbows on the table supporting her head. “and midnatt means midnight, right y/n?” She asked, turning to look at you for confirmation. You nodded while trying to grasp her braid before it had the chance of undoing itself.

“Let’s talk about it when I get home, alright?” Alessia suggested with Leonora seemed to happily set on. “That’s not a no!” She sung out before giggling to herself.

“How many days until mommy gets home?” Alessia asked looking at her daughter’s happy face on the screen. The longing for her home was rapidly growing, and every camp brought along a new level of guilt for missing out on important events and milestones.

“Uhh, this many days!” Lionora screams out holding up her hands with no fingers to the camera.

“Yes, mommy is coming home tonight” Alessia exclaimed while relaxing knowing her family was waiting for her. Lionora had her mouth filled with cereal leaving a comfortable silence in the room until the moment was ruined by Lionora’s mind.

“Mommy, what’s gonna happen if you go sleep forever?”

Alessia’s mouth dropped with her eyes wide in shock of what her daughter had just managed to spit out.

“Sweetheart, what do you mean?” Alessia hummed while looking at the screen.

“If you were to go sleep forever like Hannah’s mom, where am I gonna stay?” Leonora said still busy munching away, while her hand was busy drawing up a cat with her crayon.

“Because when Hannah’s mom slept forever, she couldn’t stay with her dad, she had to go to a new family” Lionora said her hands busy drawing out a wonky looking sun.

Alessia bit her lip conflicted whenever to tell the truth or offer a quick lie. The truth was complicated, and she hadn’t really discussed it with you. You just assumed that you would be the caretaker, but she wasn’t yours legally. Alessia was all for honestly and transparency, allowing her daughter to own her own story. Your fingers were busy braiding Leonora’s hair, trying your best to not interfere with the private moment between mother and daughter. In fact, you had a strong desire to sink into the ground because this was not a comfortable conversation to have over the phone.

“That’s not going to happen, you silly monkey, but if it were to happen, you would go stay with grandma and grandpa” Alessia said, carefully awaiting her little mini’s reaction.

Lionora looked up at the screen with a confused look in her face, her brows furrowed. She scrunched her nose before tapping her chin.

She pointed her crayon towards Alessia, before putting in her mouth to chew on it. Then it hit her like a train. If mommy was to die, she would go live with her grandparents across the country. That meant never seeing mamma or Bestemor or bestefar or midnatt. Her Lip started wobbling slowly.

“But, But, why not stay with mamma?” Lionora spoke out, barely even whispering while her eyes became more glasslike by the second. Her gaze shifted towards the drawing while her hand stilled.

Alessia felt her heart pang at her daughter’s reaction to stay with her grandparents. She had never thought about what were to happen if she would pass, only assuming that you would be the one the take her daughter. But, in a legal sense, her daughter would be passed to her parents without your involvement or your consent. The thought struck a fear in Alessia, feeling a sudden urge to so whatever it would take in order to have you as her next of kin. But poor Alessia, was for once at a loss for words.

Anger started building up in the 4 year old who crossed her arms before looking up on the screen again. Her face went from sad to angry.

“Grandma and Grandpa dosent even understand Norwegian! Mamma speaks English AND Norwegian!” she pouted while waiving her arms before recrossing her arms across her chest as you secured the last elastic around her last braid.

Alessia looked at the furious little girl on the screen while scratching her neck in distress. Her heart broke when she saw Lionora push her chair out before stomping out of the frame into the hallway and eventually into her room.

“Ah, shit, I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to upset her or to give you more work” Alessia muttered out, looking out of the window. The feeling of defeat weighing heavy on her shoulders.

You picked up the phone before settling in by the couch.

“Don’t worry, love. She’ll understood when she gets older, she’s just being a toddler” you comforted looking at the blonde across the screen. “Toddlers have big feelings and they tend to get dramatic.”

“Yea, sure… Well, gotta go, see you two later” Alessia emerged, eager to get out of the conversation. You smiled at her only to be returned a firm smile back before sharing your goodbyes. As the call ended, you put your phone down before preparing yourself to lighten up Lionora’s mood.

-

Alessia arrived later that evening feeling rather defeated. Her game had gotten paused for 15 minutes due to a technical error leaving the game to be delayed. This eventually lead to them rushing through the airport, only to find out that their flight was cancelled due to a technical problem.

In the desperacy of the moment, she purchased a ridiculously expensive first class ticket, leaving the girls behind in an attempt to be home by bedtime. The last thing Alessia wanted was to was to upset her little girl even further; but that ended up being unavoidable. Lionora had fallen asleep in your arms on the couch just a few hours before Alessia walked into your home.

“Hi love, I missed you! How was your flight?” you said while dropping the book you were reading to give her a hug. Your smile eventually faded when Alessia dropped her backpack and her bag in the middle of the room.

“I just had the most horrible 24 hours” she whispered, tears in her eyes.

You wrapped her into a warm embrace, holding her tight while rubbing her back softly.

“I know, I’m really sorry that I couldn’t do anything about it” you whispered into her neck, tucking her hair backwards.

Alessia’s body relaxed into yours as her arms found your waistline.

“You couldn’t have done anything different if you tried, i just wish I could’ve done something about it sooner” she huffed, rubbing her thigh softly.

Her sigh laid thick in the air, really underlining the frustration of the situation.

“As long as you are not able to foresee the future or take a class in aircraft engineering then I think this is something that can occur every now and then” you chuckled trying to lighten her spirit unsuccessfully.

“Well, I made lasagna; care to join me for a meal?” You offered, instantly seeing Alessia’s head shoot up. Her gaze met yours before a soft smile spread across her lips.

“You always know just what I need, darlin’”

The pair of you moved to the kitchen, enjoying her family recipe while you asked her all about her adventure for this round of international break. Stories of how Leah had annoyed everyone with her newfound passion for country music, and how Mary had tried breakdancing in the hotel lobby after being inspired during the Olympics left you sitting in awe of the fantastic bond the girls shared. After her stories, the conversation came to a comfortable end while the pair of you were both busy enjoying the Italian meal.

“I never asked you, how do you feel about what she said?” Alessia asked, her fork shoving pieces of salad around on her plate.

“About what who said?” You questioned, waiting to meet her gaze unsuccessfully.

“Lionora, you know, about what would happen with her if I pass?” she mumbled, almost scared for you reaction even though she knew within her that you would take her in a heartbeat.

“I think that she’s a very curious little girl, and they tend to ask hard questions. The same kind of little girls also tends to have big big feelings that they need help to cope with” you shrugged, not really sure Alessia was heading with the situation.

“I talked to mom about it, while waiting on the flight. She gave me some good insight that I haven’t considered before” Alessia said, now playing with the zipper of her top.

“Oh, really? What did she say?” you tried to encourage her, even though you finally knew where this conversation was going. It wasn’t a secret that you had thought about it before, that it would be nice and all, but you didn’t want to push Alessia too hard.

“She said that even though they would always welcome Lionora, and you-“

You reached for Alessia’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze causing her to meet your gaze instantly feeling more relaxed.

“-That the best thing for Lionora would be to stay with you. You know everything about her, and if god forbid something happens; she’ll need normalcy, routine and comfort in knowing what her days look like.” Alessia continued, now more confident in her voice with her gaze striking your every few seconds.

“That makes sense, yes” you smiled as you nodded softly, popping a cherrytomato into your mouth.

“Would you consider adopting her? You don’t have to answer it now, I know that it’s a big commitment and all, but you know her better than any-“

Alessia started to ramble, one of her many ways to cope with sensitive subjects was to avoid any kind of silence meaning that the only thing that could shut her up, was for you to stop her before she would spiral down into the lane of negativity.

“Yes, I’d definitely adopt her” you said, a part of you wanting to jump with joy over having her share her most important role with you.

“Wait, really? Honestly?” Alessia said, surprise lingering in her face.

“Yes, she’s like my own daughter. I care more about her than myself. I would love to make it official” you confirmed, reaching to wipe some sauce off of her face with a grin hiding in your face.

“You are amazing, I love you so much. She’s gonna be ecstatic when we share the news with her.” Alessia said, tears filling her eyes once again as your fingers intertwined and her gaze was filled with tears of gratitude.

[lovelytsunoda]

dancing in the dark | mick schumacher

summary: after her team gets totally ripped apart in court, yn returns home and changes into some comfy clothes, content to lounge on the couch for the rest of the evening. however, that flannel shirt drives mick crazy, and he has other plans

pairing: mick schumacher x law clerk!girlfriend! reader

warnings: 18+ content, cutesy smut, (seriously this smut should feel horny and like a warm hug at the same time), mick says some funny things. the lawyer referenced is mickey haller from 'the lincoln lawyer' because i fucking said so. (i literally just realized what i've done giving her boss and her lover the same name lmao i dont know any other tv lawyers so this stands and im making it part of the plot) it’s actually shorter and a lil less graphic than originally intended dont shot the messenger

court was rarely ever pretty, but usually yn could leave a courtroom feeling like she did the best she could.

not today. she was shaky as she left the courtroom, even after mickey haller, the lawyer that she worked for, assured her that she'd done nothing wrong.

"that was my mistake, not yours." he had insisted. "everything you put in that document i told you to. lorna and i checked it three times before i filed it."

of course, that did nothing to make her feel better as she drove back home, taking the rest of the afternoon off. mickey had insisted, which usually meant he had something to work on that he didn't want any help on.

when she pulled into her driveway, she dragged herself out of the small car, and into her empty house. mick was still out, presumably with the dog. he had training this morning, and then a meeting in the afternoon, so he had likely taken angie to his mothers.

still feeling off, she stripped out of her court clothes, donning her fuzzy socks and a plaid flannel top. she let her hair down from its tight bun, gently massaging her scalp before heading to the kitchen to make a mug of hot chocolate.

the file was still in her bag, along with a red-marked copy of the form that had been misfiled. the entire trial had to be postponed, so the haller camp was likely the most hated set of people in that courtroom.

she turned the kitchen radio on, a habit she had picked up from her grandparents. her grandfather loved seventies music, so there was always some don mclean or dolly parton playing in his house when she grew up. she herself preferred the eighties: inxs, springsteen, blondie, benatar.

she heard the front door open, followed by the sound of mick's duffel bag hitting the floor. she listened to his footsteps, and it was soon enough that she felt his arms wrapping around her waist.

"i thought you were in court today?" he mumbled, kissing her shoulder softly. she could smell his cologne, a musky and earthy scent. something inexpensive, for he saved the dior for special occasions.

"we got absolutely destroyed this morning over a misfield document with the courts, so mickey sent us all home to regroup."

truth be told, it was days like this one that had yn questioning why she'd even started this job in the first place. lately she'd had more bad days than good ones, but lorna had assured her that it would pass.

"you know what the great thing about being alive is?" mick said softly, taking her by the hand and gently spinning her to face him. "you can always try again tomorrow. nine times out of ten, there is always a second chance."

"i know you're right. i just feel guilty since i was the one who drafted the document." it didn't matter that mickey checked it and lorna filed it. she was the one who drafted it, so the error was hers.

"your lawyer checked it over, right? and he didn't see anything wrong with it?"

"yeah but-"

'no buts. i refuse to see my brilliant girlfriend be down on herself for something that isn't her fault."

she was about to protest again when mick swayed their bodies into a dance, slightly out of tune with the springsteen song that was playing from the corner. 'dancing in the dark'. it was their song. she smiled despite herself, laughing along and joining in with the dance. mick twirled her around the kitchen twice before hooking his hands under her thighs and lifting her into the air. she laughed in surprise, gripping his shoulder as he carried her over to the couch.

she giggled as he dropped her onto the couch, climbing over her and planting himself between her thighs. mick leaned in to kiss her, his lips soft against hers. she smiled into the kiss, exhaling softly as she unconsciously bucked against his crotch.

“you know this shirt drives me crazy, right?”

“this one?” she pursed her lips. “it’s almost a decade old. it’s the oldest shirt in my closet.”

mick grinned, strands of blonde hair falling into his eyes as he nuzzled his cold nose into the skin between her boobs. “you’re like a sexy lumberjack.”

she laughed as mick kissed over the flannel on her shirt, slowly making his way down to her exposed hip where the shirt had ridden up when he placed her on the couch. "what does that even mean?"

he pressed his nose against hers, her slender legs wrapping around his toned body. "hey, pretty girl. what can i do? how can i make you feel better?"

"mhm, i think i have an idea." she smiled shyly, running a finger down his chest.

"does it involve you screaming my name in pleasure?"

"why yes, i think it does."

laughing, mick kissed her again, gently nipping at her lip before he pulled her into his arms, her legs securely wrapped around his torso. he carried her to their shared bedroom, placing her at the edge of the bed before sinking to his knees on the plush carpet.

he pulled his white t-shirt over his head, discarding it somewhere across the room as he lifted her legs over his shoulders, gently kissing up and down the expanse of her leg.

the sight of mick between her legs never failed to give her butterflies. he never hesitated to get on his knees for her, no matter how sore they may be in the morning. she never even had to ask. mick always seemed to know just what she needed.

her chest was filled with love as mick kissed, licked and sucked his way across her inner thigh. he was her sweet boy, her love. mick thought that she was an angel on earth, and had even made the cheesy 'did it hurt when you fell from heaven' joke the first night that they spent together.

he tongued at her wet core through the black cotton of her panties, eliciting a gentle gasp from the woman above him.

"you liked that, sweet girl? did that feel good?"

"yeah." she breathed, shifting on the bed, arousal jolting through her body. "i want you, mickie."

"it's so weird that you call me that when the guy you work for is also named mickey."

"it's spelt different."

"same difference." he laughed, pinching her thigh gently.

"i guarantee you that i'm not thinking about my boss right now, mick."

mick laughed, his warm hands traversing her thighs, up to her ass, and pulling her closer to his face. "raise your hips, honey pie. let's get those pesky panties off of you."

across from her, a large round mirror sat on top of the white ikea dresser, and she couldn't decide what was more erotic: the reflection of her blushing, panting face and the back of mick's head between her thighs, or looking down and seeing the look of lust and adoration in mick's eyes as he slid her calvins down her legs.

making eye contact with her lover, she teasingly began to undo the buttons on her flannel, letting the fabric fall away and expose her naked curved body to the man on his knees in front of her.

“you fucking undo me, baby.” mick said, voice husky as he visibly held back a moan. “so pretty just for me. I don’t deserve it.”

he gently ran a hand up and down her thigh as she used her legs to draw him closer to her core, the heat radiating off her skin and warming his.

he kissed her core gently, smiling at the soft sigh he drew from his lover before he began to lick at her slit, juices running down his tongue and around his lips.

“holy fuck.” she exhaled, throwing her head back.

if she looked in the mirror, she’d be able to see micks shoulder blades rippling under his skin every time he pushed himself closer to where she needed him most.

“yeah, you needed this, didn’t you? needed me to help you feel better? that’s what I’m here for baby, you don’t even gotta ask.”

there was reverence contained in every lick, every nuzzle. every time his nose bumped her clit. every gasp and moan she let out spurred him on, encouraging him further as he continued to make out with her pussy.

“fucking hell, mick. that feels so good.” she moaned, rutting against his lips. “oh, god!”

“atta girl.” mick encouraged, snaking his arms around her waist. “just use me to feel good, baby.”

she was flush against his face now, practically grinding herself against his tongue. she chanced a look down, moaning at the look of sheer lust in micks eyes as he met hers, his long pink tongue licking at her opening, face practically covered in her juices.

“mick, oh my god!” she squealed, thighs closing in around his face, fingers twisted up in the duvet as she tried to stay upright.

she came with a scream, arms threatening to give out beneath her as mick continued to work her to the edge, never giving up his relentless pace

“that’s my girl. come on, give it to me. I know you can, pretty girl. I know you can do it.”

she slumped backwards, allowing the duvet to pillow around her as she felt her legs go week. her hands moved to ruffle micks hair, a lazy smile on her face. he continued to kiss her thighs as she lay there to recover, listening for every breath, every soft sigh.

“how’re you feeling?” his voice was soft as he crept up the bed, gently hovering over her body. he laced one hand with hers, his nose running along her cheek.

“absolutely fantastic. you always know how to make me feel good.”

when he kissed her, she could taste traces of herself on his lips. in the beginning, she’d felt so awkward about tasting it. now? now it just served as another reminder of how much mick loved her. a reminder that he enjoyed pleasuring her.

“can you taste how sweet you are?” he hummed, kissing her softly again. “just like heaven, princess.”

“oh yeah?”

“yeah, pretty girl. I’m pretty sure heaven is right between those thighs of yours.” there was a sparkle in his blue eyes, and a cheeky grin on his lips. “you know, you’re more than just pretty. you’re fucking smart too. I wish I could be half as smart as you are. do you think that if I slipped my cock into you right now, I could absorb some of that knowledge like through osmosis or whatever?”

she grinned stupidly at the sheer absurdity of the question. once you got him in the bedroom, mick schumacher had no filter whatsoever.

“wanna try it and find out?”

mick drew back, undoing the top button on his levis while she sat up just enough to toss her flannel aside and move up the bed. she slipped a small throw pillow underneath her hips when the lay back down, sweaty hair brushed behind her ears. mick clambered up the bed to join her, large hands reaching to the knob on the bedside drawer for a condom.

he slid inside her with ease, buried to the hilt as he kissed her forehead gently. she squirmed underneath him, gently rutting her hips into his.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

his thrusts were gentle, yet still deep as he drew one of her legs up and around his waist, her arms coming to link around his neck as she pulled him close. he was a gentle lover, a passionate one. he believed in taking his time to make his partner feel good.

“my god, babe, you feel so fucking good. so good for me.” he groaned down her ear, teeth nipping at her earlobe. “taking my cock so well.”

hands on his shoulders, she could feel his muscles rippling and undulating under her dainty hands, french nails leaving small scratches along his tanned skin.

“oh, just like that.”

the pace was slow and comforting, sensual and erotic as mick somehow managed to make every thrust feel like his cock was going deeper, deeper, deeper.

“eyes on me, honey pie. I wanna see that pretty face of yours.” mick encouraged, seeing her eyes screwed shut in pleasure, cheek resting against the pillow. “where’s my sexy model girlfriend?”

a smile crossed her features, a moan escaping her throat as mick brushed against her spongy walls. she turned her head slightly, staring right up at his goofy smile and sweaty face.

he leaned down to kiss her, moaning into her mouth before slipping his tongue in and touching it against hers.

his hands travelled up and down her body, over all of her curves. over her breasts and rolling her nipples between his fingers.

“you’re so pretty.” he whispered, kissing her softly. “I love you.”

“mick,” she moaned softly. “faster.”

he smirked, snapping his hips quickly against hers. “how’s this, baby? you close?”

“yeah.” she whined. “think so.”

she curled her legs tighter around him, trying to pull mick closer and closer to her, trying to take him deeper and deeper. his breath was heavy on her neck as he left open mouthed kisses in his wake. one of his hands came down and over her waist, thumb rubbing gently at her sensitive clit. she moaned out a small curse, nails digging into his back.

“please.” she panted “don’t stop.”

his free hand desperately clenched around the sage green duvet, his grip white-knuckled. her walls contracted around his cock, causing his eyes to roll into the back of his head. he swore in german, his hips faltering as he tried to keep his composure.

“give it to me baby, come on, I know you can. keep taking my cock. fucking shit, baby, I’m not gonna last.”

“mick!” she screamed, back arching, skin pressing against his, walls contracting around his thick dick.

her nails were digging into his back, her face flushed and facing away from him as she came. at this angle, he was happy to lean over and press gentle kisses to her face, softly whispering praise and encouragement as he continued to work himself to the edge.

his hips stuttered, cock twitching as he spilled into the condom, body shaking as he lowered himself to rest beside his lover. he had yet to pull out, their legs still locked together. her skin was warm as he pulled her into his arms, swollen lips leaving kisses against her sweaty hair and her fingertips drew shapes against the bare skin of his chest.

out in the kitchen, he could faintly hear the radio. it had long since changed from springsteen, now playing the dulcet tones of paul hewson and u2.

he knew he should get up. he at least needed to take the condom off. maybe pull a blanket over their bodies.

but having her in his arms was a type of heaven within itself. her scent overwhelming his senses, her touch comforting over his flushed skin.

he needed her beside him like he needed oxygen to breathe.

“mick,” she mumbled, head still resting against his chest. “I need to go to the bathroom, and you’ve still got most of your lower body weight on me.”

he grinned sheepishly as he disentangled himself from her, watching from the bed as she strode to the closet, pulling a silken robe around her lithe frame.

he was so in love. he hoped this would be his forever.

[afterglowkatie]

pair of pests | k.c.c.

kyra cooney-cross x reader | 1.1k | you and kyra should never be trusted together alone without supervision, especially when alcohol and a marker are involved

ˏˋ°•*⁀this is catley!reader - reader being Steph's younger sister! maybe i'll write more with this pairing bc it's quite fun to think of ideas for!

‘You ready yet loser,’ You heard your best friend call out for you since she let herself into Steph’s apartment where you had been staying since you’d moved from Manchester City to Arsenal. The Aussies internally dreading the moment you and Kyra would be reunited at club since they already had to deal with the two of you together on national camps. You always said Kyra was the fun sister you never had.

‘I’m ready!’ You posed in the hallway just outside your room, quick to pull Kyra into your room closing the door behind, ‘It’s just us tonight. Steph said something about not wanting to babysit us,’ You rolled your eyes, a light smile on your lips while you got out your little alcohol supply you had stashed away in your room.

‘Lame. Well we don’t need her to have fun,’ Kyra smirked, grabbing the vodka and shot glasses you’d pulled out. After a few shots you had an idea, taking the shot glasses and vodka out to the kitchen but demanding Kyra stays in your room. Smiling and laughing a little to yourself while you brought back the three shot glasses only one having vodka in it and the others just water.

‘Russian roulette?’ You laughed, raising your eyebrows slightly at her sitting down on the ground across from Kyra.

‘It’s not the same without a gun,’ Kyra mumbled out a little louder than expected.

‘Maybe one day,’ You casually shrugged before you both laughed out loudly knowing that would never happen. Steph would definitely intervene before the thought even got into action. She’d be able to tell something was up and stop whatever it was you were planning just by seeing the two of you share one tiny look at each other.

‘You totally got the shot! You can’t take it with a straight face to save your life,’ Kyra exclaimed laughing at the way you had scrunched your nose slightly. You did it every time and you’d been around Kyra enough that she had picked up on it.

‘Kyra,’ You whined, ‘No fair,’ 

‘Can’t help that I know my best friend better than she knows herself,’ Playfully flicking her hair behind her shoulder, making you shake your head and roll your eyes, pushing at her arm.

By the time you and Kyra even made it out of Steph’s apartment you were both a little more than tipsy, it was a surprise you even made it into anywhere. Wasting no time in grabbing drinks before you pulled your best friend out onto the floor to dance. Getting lost in the music and enjoying dancing with Kyra, only stopping when your head felt like it wouldn’t stop spinning.

Despite your head spinning you both made it back to the bar ordering round after round. You had no idea what Kyra was even saying anymore all you could do was sit there and smile nodding to make it seem like you weren’t just staring at the freckles on her face and how they seemed to be moving around.

Putting your empty glass down on the bar, you let out a huff since you couldn’t work out what pictures her freckles were trying to make. Too far gone to realise that nothing was actually moving around. When you were putting your glass down you’d spotted a marker sitting on top of the bar. Smirking you leaned over to grab it, Kyra watching you intently laughing when she saw you take the cap off and take it towards her face, ‘What are you doing?’

‘Connecting the dots,’ You said it so casually and without any hesitation as if it was just a normal thing to do. Soon enough Kyra’s face was filled with random shapes, hearts and flowers, all things you thought you could see in her freckles. 

‘Let me have a turn,’ Kyra whined and tried to grab the marker from you.

‘But I don’t have any freckles Ky,’ 

‘Don’t be silly, they're everywhere!’ You let Kyra take the marker to your skin, her hand barely able to draw a straight line from how intoxicated you both were.

The rest of the night for the two of you was a complete blur. You don’t remember how you tried to get the bartender to give you more drinks, trying to get them to take you seriously that you weren’t out of your mind even with marker covering your faces. You don’t remember how you tried to dance again but ended up falling onto the floor and having to be escorted out of the bar. You don’t remember sitting on the sidewalk contemplating whether you should call Steph to pick you both up, but you couldn’t see the screen properly, getting annoyed and determinately getting up to walk back to the apartment.

You have no idea how you both even made it back to Steph’s, all you knew was that your neck and head hurt after waking up on the bathroom floor. The tiles were cool against your skin which you were thankful for, wanting to lay there until you could move your body properly. The smell of food being cooked ruined that idea for you, waves of nausea rolling through your body. Managing to lift yourself up you made your way into the kitchen.

‘Mornin’,’ You mumbled out towards Steph before seeing Kyra appear next to you, ‘Ky, how you feelin’?’ You weren’t paying much attention to her, more focused on the food wanting to ease how you were feeling.

‘As good as you look, like shit,’ Kyra shrugged, sitting at the counter grabbing the coffee Steph put in front of her, ‘What’s on your face by the way?’ Kyra was looking at your face, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

‘What do you mean?’ You saw Steph stifle her laughter, so you looked up at Kyra, eyes wide and holding back your own laugh, ‘You should see yours,’ Kyra pulled out her phone, turning to the camera and holding it up in front of your faces.

Fingers traced over the drawn lines that, in the end, weren’t even making any sense, ‘What are they even connecting? Are they supposed to be something?’ Kyra voiced the thoughts you were also thinking. Your memories of the night were hazy and you honestly had no explanation for the state you’d both found yourselves in. 

‘Please tell me you didn’t use a permanent marker,’ Steph’s voice was shaky, trying to hold back laughing at you both but her amusement was evident in her tone. Kyra groaned at the thought, really not wanting to deal with it.

‘I don’t even know where we got a marker from, let alone what type it was,’ You’d thrown your head back, sighing softly. Steph was quick to sneak a photo of the two of you sending it to both your arsenal and national teammates, knowing you’d never hear the end of it for a while.

‘Remind me to never leave you two alone again,’

[luveline]

do you think you could do something with zombie au where reader is on her period? thank you!!

thank you for your request! fem, 1k

You’ve gotten your period three times since the apocalypse began. The first time, you and Steve were just beginning to get along, and he’d proved why you trust him as you do, treating the whole thing with kindness. More recently, he’s your unofficial boyfriend. Like, kissing you and holding you, but foregoing the conversation that would make you an official couple. 

Either he doesn’t want to be official (which is fine, it’s not like he’s going anywhere), or you’re official without words. You’ve assumed the latter because the former makes you nauseous. 

Not that you need much help in that department. Your stomach churns like a tide, bouts of sickness and pain that hit you rampantly as you follow Steve downstairs. 

“Can I take my shoes off?” you ask. 

“Why are you asking me? It’s not my house.” Steve descends the last step and holds his hand behind him for you. Seemingly to help you down a step you don’t need help with. 

You’re asking because taking your shoes off means getting comfy for the night, and he doesn’t want to do that at every house you break into.

You don’t explain yourself. You follow Steve into the living room, hoping he’s going to take your hand again. He nudges you with his hip into a mildly dusty couch. 

You sit. “What, are we gonna watch TV?” you joke. 

“You look sickly.” 

That’s not nice. “I do?” you ask, all teasing gone from your tone. You often wish you were much prettier, and occasionally beg fate to drop a bottle of medical grade body wash into your lap, if just to make Steve see you that way. But Steve’s kissed you with a greasy nose and blood on your chin. You were hoping appearances didn’t matter. 

“You look awful,” he says, his eyebrows stitching together as he heads into the kitchen. “Stay sat down!” 

“Awful?” you ask. 

He doubles back, face peeking around the doorway. “Not like that,” he says hurriedly. “Just, sick. I’m gonna cook you something.” 

“I don’t need to be sat down, I’m fine.” 

He disappears again. “That why you’re glaring at me?” he calls, his voice echoing against tile. 

You don’t have the energy for whatever it is that’s happening. You kick your legs out on the couch and begin kneading the swollen mess that is your stomach, debating on telling him why you’re grumpy. It’s not like he cares. He never finds it gross, but you don’t want him to pity you either. It’s just a period. 

(It really sucks.) 

“Alright, the hot plate is on,” he calls. “What do you want, huh? We got the split pea soup, or the chicken casserole?” He laughs. “The casserole, duh. Ten minutes and it’s yours.” 

Your breath rushes out through your nose. Stomach hurts, head hurts, he’s making you dinner and laughing where you can’t see him. You force yourself to get up, shuffling to the kitchen with a pout already in place. 

“Ten minutes is not right,” you say, announcing your movement so he doesn’t stab you. 

“Is too right. How come you never listen?” 

“Steve, please don’t be mean to me, I’m on my period.” You wince as a pang climbs your back. 

“Oh, you are?” 

“Unfortunately.” 

“Well… I’m glad, sort of. Better that then the flu, right?” 

“Yeah, I guess.” 

A couple of weeks ago, he would’ve told you to go back to the couch, and he would’ve brought your food in to you, wrapping a blanket over your legs and leaving you to it. But this is now. Your unwilling protector has gone remarkably soft on you. 

“Is it like last time?” he asks, holding out his arm. 

You drift toward him, pretending it isn’t to be hugged. “It hurts, if that’s what you mean.” 

“It hurts,” he repeats in a murmur as his arm finally curls around your waist. He pulls you into his side.

“You’re pitying me.” 

“You like it,” he jokes, his tone still held in that soft murmuring. 

You close your eyes, driving your nose into his chest. The hot plate gurgles weakly on the stove, using the last of a canister of camping gas, a few days from the end of its life. Your eyelids feel heavy closed, achy not with tears but fatigue, and your head aches with a migraine you know from experience won’t be defeated using tylenol. But Steve hugs you with one arm and leans against you as you press into him. Stuck together. He doesn’t move for ages. 

“I’m glad I don’t get my period,” he says. 

“You act like you do.” 

“Were you not gonna tell me? I guess you don’t have to, but if you’re in pain, I’d like to know.” 

“Don’t need you to feel any more sorry for me.” 

“I don’t. Just like rubbing your back.” 

Your heart skips a beat. That’s as close to a confession of feelings you’ve ever gotten from him. Well, verbally. His sporadic kissing says a lot. 

“Thanks for telling me,” he says. You have to strain your ears to hear him. “I don’t think there’s much iron in chicken casserole. I wish we… How much iron is there in squirrel?” 

“I don’t wanna eat squirrel.” Again. 

“It’s good for you.” 

Doubtful. You turn completely into his touch and hug him. “Please don’t make me eat squirrel.” 

You sound a teeny tiny bit pitiful, and you earn yourself an even better hug than the first. “I won’t, I won’t, I was just kidding,” he promises, “I just figure you need it. Maybe if we look through the medicine cabinet they’ll have some multivitamins or something.” His hand grabs at your side. It’s not a careful touch, though he’s far from spiteful. “You need painkillers, right? I could crush a Vicodin into your casserole.” 

“Yes, please.” 

Steve’s nose presses into the side of your face. You feel close to him in a way that chokes you up, but you don’t need to talk any more. 

“Half a Vicodin,” he deliberates, “and I’ll rub your back.”

[storywriter007]

hiii can i request a percy x reader fic where the get into an argument over something and you can decide if its hurt/comfort or js hurt lol

Growing Up - Percy Jackson x Fem!Reader

author's note: thank you for allowing angst because i'm always dying to write something sad. thank you for the request!!

warnings: hurt feelings, idk it's sad that's my warning

genre: angst

word count: 1.5k

-> heroes of olympus masterlist

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send me requests here! (these are my guidelines)

✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒

y/n looked at her boyfriend longingly from across the campfire. odd, wasn't it? a couple not sitting next to each-other at the campfire? but, this had become the normal in their relationship. so far, but so close at the same time.

she watched as he laughed and intently listened to the beautiful curly-haired blonde next to him. she watched as he put his arm around her, playfully, of course. she watched as they argued like an old married couple. she just watched, because for some reason, she couldn't move.

it had happened every campfire for a year now. at first it was every friday, then every other day, then it just became everyday. and every time, she stayed glued in her spot, watching them from afar through the flames.

she never understood where the distance between them had come from. they'd been best friends ever since he'd gotten to camp. y/n felt a faint smile on her lips as she recalled their younger days. the days where they caused a water-balloon fight so intense, both of them spent the whole night cleaning up their mess. they laughed and inevitably, threw more water-balloons. the days where she and percy would "sneak out" of their cabins, but really, they were just stargazing by the lake. the days where they would climb trees all day long and try to find spots to build secret hide outs. the days where they were partners in crime, attached at the hip, ready to die and kill for each-other. when they were them.

what had happened? annabeth and percy had never really gotten along; the whole camp thought they hated each-other at one point. they were always arguing and bickering. annabeth was always a little standoffish, no matter how much percy and y/n tried to befriend her. when three of them went on a quest, it was clear percy and y/n had the better chemistry. they thought as one, acted as one, and were one. y/n had always tried to include annabeth, but she was stubborn, she was young.

had they just grown up? is this what age did to people? percy was her best friend, she felt like she could tell him anything, and now, she felt like everything had changed.

lost in her thoughts, y/n didn't realize when the campfire had ended and when everyone began walking back to their cabins (or around camp). it was almost curfew.

"y/n." percy's voice called out.

"coming." she said, getting up, and joining percy as he walked annabeth back to her cabin.

to be honest, y/n felt like she was interrupting something. like she was third-wheeling. percy hugged annabeth goodnight, and that's when y/n couldn't do it anymore. she couldn't stand how he gently placed his arms around her and held her tight. she couldn't stand how they both smiled. she couldn't stand how he had lifted an inch off the ground. they said their goodbyes, and y/n said goodnight, before continuing to walk. this time, ahead of percy instead of next to him.

she felt the tears well up as she remembered the days from when they were eleven. how they stood up for one-another to older, meaner campers. how they made friendship bracelets for each-other. y/n looked down at her wrist, knowing she still wore the bracelets they made six years ago. how they would on purposely get in trouble to get kitchen duty, and then make blue food. how she desperately wanted to be a kid again.

she felt a grip on her arm, suddenly forcing her to turn around.

"why are you walking away from me?" percy asked, looking at her.

the moonlight illuminated half of his face, and shone some dim light on the other half.

"i'm tired, i want to go to bed." she said briefly.

"you always do this after the fire." he said, aggravated. "you always keep silent, walk away, and when i ask you why, you're 'tired.'"

"i'll do better." she said quietly, wanting to leave his grip so she could go back to her bed and cry.

"it's a great night, 'till i'm walking back with you." he said, through gritted teeth.

"then don't walk back with me anymore." she whispered, wondering how much he really meant that sentence. "you don't have to."

"yeah." he scoffed. "what's your problem?"

"nothing." she said, still wondering if he really was going to completely abandon her during bonfires. "nothing, i just don't want you to do something you don't want to."

"y/n!" he exclaimed, annoyance visible on his face. "you always do this, you're always ready to ruin a good night."

she looked into his sea green eyes.

"it's you." she sighed.

"what did i do?" he chuckled.

"you always sit with annabeth. every night." she admitted. "and i know she told you she felt like she had no one to sit with, but i invited her to sit with us. but you just took the first chance you got to not sit with me."

"that's not true-"

"you don't even ask me how my day went or anything. you don't even say hi to me, not a kiss, not a wave, not an eyebrow raise, nothing. you ignore me until annabeth's back at her cabin." she said, feeling everything spill out like a waterfall. "you don't care about me when she's with you. and then you wonder why i don't want to talk to you? it's because i feel like i can't. how can i? when my boyfriend is acting like someone else's husband. and the way you hug her, it's like two long-lost lovers that have reunited after four world wars-"

"what? you want me to stop sitting with her? and lose a friend, are you out of your mind?" he asked.

"this is why i can't talk to you." she said, turning away.

he pulled her back, pinning her up against the cold exterior wall of cabin three.

"yeah, well then, what do you want me to do?" he asked angrily.

"to sit with me. to talk to me. to hug me." she pleaded. "to treat me like your girlfriend, who's been your best friend for six years, instead of the next best thing."

"i never thought you to be the jealous type."

"well i am!" she confessed. "i don't get it percy, you and annabeth have never gotten along the way you and i do. i mean we were partners in crime, we did everything together. we used to get in trouble together to get chores together so we could get into more trouble. we used to make friendship bracelets for-" she paused, looking at his wrist.

the bracelets weren't there. that's when it hit her.

their friendship wasn't there.

they weren't there.

whatever had happened between the two of them was a tale of the past, because they aren't who they used to be. something had changed, because while y/n thought of him the same way, he didn't. and it was clear now. he doesn't think of her as his best friend, he thinks of her as his second best-friend. he doesn't think of her as his "partner in crime," he thinks of her as his crime. he doesn't think of her, he thinks of her. he thinks of annabeth. annabeth was now who she used to be for him.

it made sense now. all the nights she watched them from across the dancing flames. all the days she watched them sneak off to the lake or the forest. all they days he walked her back to her cabin. it made so much sense. he had grown out of y/n, and grown into annabeth.

he noticed her silence and the hurtful stare on his wrist.

"i kept mine." she said, her voice breaking as she lifted her wrist to show him. "i kept them."

"y/n-"

"we're not who we used be." she said, a tear grazing her cheek. "you've grown out of me."

"don't be like that, you know that's not true." he said, reaching his arm out but she was quick to back away.

"my best friend for six years, my first real friend at camp, my boyfriend, my partner in crime, the one person i trust, the one person i love has moved on from me. and i don't know why."

she had to leave. she had to go before she exploded with gut-wrenching tears in front of him.

"y/n." he called out once again.

her fingers were lightly pressed on her mouth, blocking the violent sobs that were begging to be released.

"please don't follow me." she said, with the few pieces of composure she had in her. "goodbye, percy."

percy stood there, watching her as she left. she trailed into the dark woods and found a tall, beautiful tree. she climbed up to one of the medium-sized branches. they used to climb trees together all the time. they used to.

she held her hand over her mouth as she hysterically wept over the death of a companion who hadn't died.

[earthchica]

Right My Wrongs | 4

terry richmond x black fem! reader

summary: A year and a half later, the family dynamics have significantly improved, and you and Terry have experienced much growth. The three of you go on a fun camping trip.

warning: fluff, camping trip, stargazing, slight angst, light explicit smut (18+), fingering, pussy play, dirty talking, breeding kink & etc.

note: the last part is here, and this is a long one; thank you all for your love for this mini-series. <3

series masterlist

You can't help but smile as you watch Terry and Jasmine singing together in the kitchen while preparing breakfast.

This has become a delightful routine over the past year. Terry often comes over and cooks for the two of you.

Whether it's breakfast or dinner, he did it, and also, sometimes, he'll help you around the house or run errands.

The family dynamics have improved significantly and have experienced much growth, especially in Terry.

He has always been a great father to Jasmine; there was no doubting that.

It was just nice to have him leading and guiding equally in the household.

Now that you two have been in a romantic relationship for almost a year and a half, he has shown you a different side of him.

After some time, you decided to ask Terry to live with you and Jasmine.

“Good morning, my loves,” you said, walking into the kitchen with a big smile.

Terry turned around, his eyes lighting up.

“Good morning, baby,” He greeted you with a kiss on the lips and a warm hug.

"Morning, Mommy," Jasmine said, smiling happily before looking between her parents.

She was so happy to finally see you two together.

"We made you pancakes," he proudly announced, gesturing toward the stack of butter-up pancakes.

Jasmine grinned and nodded enthusiastically, adding, "And I helped with the bacon and eggs, Mommy!"

Her excitement was infectious, and you couldn't help but feel a swell of pride at how much she had grown.

"Thank you, sweetheart. You did a good job; both of you did. It looks delicious," you replied, cupping her cheek affectionately.

As you all sat down at the table, the room filled with the warm aroma of freshly cooked pancakes, crispy bacon, and salt and pepper cheese eggs.

Conversation flowed easily, filled with laughter, and shared stories from the week.

Moments like these reminded you how glad you and Terry worked out and the strength and love that bound your little family together.

After breakfast, Jasmine dashed off to prepare for the day, leaving you and Terry in the kitchen.

He reached across the table, taking your hand in his. "I was thinking," he began, his deep voice gentle yet filled with excitement.

"Maybe we could go on a camping trip...just the three of us...I know how you feel about the outdoors, but I think it would be fun."

"You're right; you know me, baby! Sister can't deal with the bugs and heat," you said playfully.

"But that sounds great, Terry," you replied, squeezing his hand. Terry smiled, his eyes twinkling with anticipation.

"So you wanna go? We can go this weekend, and I know the perfect spot for us to camp at."

"Okay, do you think Jazzy will be excited?" you asked, thinking about how much Jasmine loved exploring new things.

"Hell yeah," Terry chuckled.

"She's been talking about wanting to see the stars and learning how to fish for the longest."

You nodded with a smile, “Okay, let’s go this weekend.” Terry smiled.

-

It was the weekend of the camping trip, and Terry packed the car with a large tent, sleeping bags, camping gear, and plenty of snacks and water for the road.

"Are you excited, sweetie?" you asked, with a smile. Jasmine was already buzzing with excitement, her eyes wide with wonder.

"Yes, mommy. Let's go!!!!!!!" She said, clutching her favorite stuffed animal, ready for the journey ahead.

After a few hours of driving, you arrived at the campsite. Terry expertly navigated the car to a secluded spot by a tranquil lake.

The water shimmered under the afternoon sun so beautifully, inviting and calm.

Jazzy was the first to leap out, her laughter echoing as she ran to the lake's edge.

"Jasmine, girlllll" You jumped out of the car and called her name, holding a bottle of nontoxic bug spray in your hand, before following her.

Terry chuckled, began getting the stuff out of the car, and set up the tent.

Jasmine assisted you in gathering sticks for a campfire. Her determination was so precious that you couldn't help but smile.

The sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky in hues of orange and pink; you all gathered around the crackling fire.

Jasmine's eyes sparkled with joy as Terry began to tell a story about constellations, pointing out the stars overhead.

“You know....the Big Dipper was the drinking gourd in the South. The two stars at the end of the Big Dipper point to Polaris, the North Star.” He explained.

"That’s cool! Did you hear that, Mommy?" She asked, glancing at you, and you nodded in response.

“I certainly did, sweetie,” you replied with a smile.

Jasmine nodded, returning her focus to her daddy, and after that story, you all enjoyed some delicious s'mores.

The crackling of the fire provided a comforting sound to the night, while the stars above twinkled like a million tiny lanterns, gently lighting the gathering.

Jasmine's eyelids began to droop, and she snuggled closer to you, her head resting gently on your shoulder.

You could feel her little body's warmth and hear her breathing's soft rhythm—a melody more precious than any symphony.

"Time for bed, I think," you whispered, brushing a twisted braid from her forehead.

"Yeah." She nodded sleepily, slowly getting up and giving Terry a goodnight hug.

It looked like she whispered something in his ear before moving towards you.

You entered the tent together, dressed Jasmine in her pajamas, and tucked her into her sleeping bag.

You kissed her goodnight as she murmured, "I love you, Mommy," her voice barely above a whisper.

”I love you too, sweetie," you replied before walking out of the tent to catch Terry slowly throwing flower petals on the ground.

Your gaze shifted to the small table, where a bouquet of your favorite flowers, two glasses filled with wine, and chocolate candies were placed.

Also, romantic music was playing from his Bluetooth speaker. You had no idea Terry was up, but you liked it.

"What are you doing?" You asked with a small smile.

Terry turns to you in surprise. "Shit, you came out faster than I expected." He chuckles.

"Uh...I wanted to do something special for ya," he says, handing you the glass of wine from the table, which you gladly took from him.

You both cuddled on the wide wooden chair, enjoying the wine and the music until your favorite song came on.

Terry got up and held his hand out. “Come on, baby girl, show me those dancing moves,” he said, smiling playfully.

You smiled in return and took his hand; you both swayed to the rhythm, sharing laughter while also being slightly quiet.

“This is how you dance, mama. That's all you need,” he said, demonstrating two steps that made you yawn.

You respond, "No, this is how you do it," you say as you sway your body, performing body rolls and shaking your hips.

“You right, let those hips shine! Hips don't lie, huh?” he chuckles in reply, drawing you closer as the song shifts to a slow tune.

The world around you seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of you wrapped in the moment's magic.

The moon cast a silvery glow over the campsite, its light dancing on the leaves and painting intricate patterns on the ground.

“You know I love you, right?” He asked so softly, and you nodded.

“Yeah...I know you do, and I love you too.”

“And you know you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, right? You bring me so much love and happiness; you've been there for me through thick and thin and given me so much at times...I didn't deserve it, but you still gave. I'm so grateful to have you; I thank God every day for sending such an extraordinary woman like you; you are an amazing mother and an amazing girlfriend, and I can't live without you,” He said so passionately.

You nodded, getting a little emotional. “I know, baby, I know. Where are you going with this, Terry?”

“I love you, girl, and I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, and it’s only right if we...make this shit official,” he said, getting down on one knee.

You stood there, hand covering your mouth in disbelief, as you watched your dream unfold before your eyes and become a reality.

"Will you marry me, baby, and become Mrs. Richmond?" Tears welled up in your eyes, a mix of surprise and overwhelming joy.

The sincerity and love in Terry's eyes were undeniable, and the world seemed to hold its breath, waiting for your response.

You took a deep breath, your heart swelling with happiness, and nodded fervently.

"Yes, a thousand times yes!" you exclaimed, your voice filled with emotion.

Terry smiled and slid the ring onto your finger before pulling you in for a kiss and then into a warm embrace.

“Yay, you did it, Daddy,” she exclaimed. Startled, you turned to see her with her camera out, taking pictures.

"What? Did you two plan this?" you asked in shock. They both laughed, exchanging a knowing glance.

"Well," Terry admitted with a playful shrug, "Jasmine and I might have had a secret mission. We wanted this moment to be perfect for you."

Jasmine giggled and ran over to hug you. "I helped pick the ring, Mommy! Daddy said you would love it."

You gazed down at the beautiful ring on your finger, its sparkle almost as bright as the love you felt in your heart.

"It is perfect, sweetie. You did a good job" you whispered, pulling her into a tight embrace.

The night continued with celebrating this new chapter together. The next morning, the three of you had breakfast, went hiking, and returned to the campsite.

The serene lake glistens under the afternoon sun as you, Terry, and Jasmine are excited to reel in some big catches.

“Alright, princess. Hold it like this, then swing it into the water like this,” he instructed, guiding her hands. 

Jasmine looked a bit anxious. ”I don’t know if I can do it, Daddy.”

“You can do it, Jazzy. I know you can; I’ll be here if anything goes wrong,” he reassured her. 

"Okay," she says. With a determined look, she casts the line. It sailed through the air, landing gently on the lake's shimmering surface.

“Let's go!!!!!,” Terry said, proudly clapping, and she smiled in delight. 

The sun warmed their backs as they waited, and the gentle lapping of the water against the shore created a soothing sound.

After a while, the line tugged slightly, and Jasmine's eyes widened with excitement.

"I think I've got something!" she exclaimed, her voice a mix of surprise and joy.

Terry moved closer, offering guidance while still allowing her the thrill of the catch.

Slowly, with careful encouragement from Terry and you, she reeled in her first fish—a small salmon fish. 

Her face lit up with pride as you pulled out your phone to take a quick picture of her catch.

“Good Job, sweetie!" you cheered, high-fiving her.

The rest of the camping trip was unforgettable and filled with love, laughter, and the simple joys of being together.

When you returned home from your camping trip, you and Terry immediately announced your engagement to your family and friends.

They are all very happy for both of you, especially your mom. Your parents offered to pay for the entire wedding for you and Terry.

So, a month later, you found yourself dealing with some stress while planning this damn wedding.

Your mom mostly handled all the arrangements, and you just agreed to everything to keep her happy, forgetting it was your wedding.

You did stood your ground with her, about choosing the wedding dress of your dreams.

You smiled happily at yourself in the mirror. This had been the sixth wedding dress you had tried on, and you think this was one.

"Oh my God, this is the one," you said, coming out of the dressing room with tears streaming down your face.

Your mom, your sister, and Jasmine cheered and screamed joyfully before rushing to you and pulling you into a group hug.

"She said yes to the dress!" Your mom blurted out loud in the boutique.

You chuckled and then returned to the dressing room to change your clothes.

Once you were dressed, you came out of the dressing room holding the dress you wanted.

Three of you continued to shop, and you felt your phone vibrate; it was an incoming call from Terry.

A little surprised that he was calling, considering he was with his cousin Mike (he's still alive) and a few of his friends.

You were happy to see his name light up on your screen; he probably missed you.

"Hey, darling," you said sweetly as you approached a secluded area to talk to him.

There was no response, only rustling and faint voices in the background.

"Terry, are you there?" you asked, still waiting for a response, but hearing nothing.

You were about to press the hang-up button when you heard Terry's voice.

"All she does is talk about this damn wedding and has become a fucking bridezilla all because of her mom; like, everything has to be big, over the top, and fancy. It's getting fucking annoying, man"

Your heart sank momentarily as you realized you may have been a bit of a bridezilla, influenced by your mom.

You wonder why Terry couldn't just tell you that, not to his fucking boys.

"So, big dawg, do you still wanna marry her?! Cause if I was you, I wouldn't put up with this bullshit," his friend spoke, you knew who exactly said that.

"Of course I do, but if it continues like this, I don't know," Terry sounded unsure of his answer.

Mike said, "Chill, cuz you're not about to call the wedding off; you love that girl. Just talk to her."

You pressed the hang-up button before they continued their conversation.

Your heart was in your stomach, and you struggled to pull yourself together, unsure if you wanted the dress.

You made an excuse about getting Jasmine home, and the owner of the bridal boutique was nice enough to hold everything for you.

Once you arrived home, you made lunch for yourself and Jasmine, and then the two of you watched a movie together.

About an hour later, you heard the front door open. He walked into the living room and greeted Jasmine with a hug.

"Jazzy, go play in your room. Your dad and I need to talk," you said, looking at her.

"Okay, Mommy," she nodded with a sigh and went upstairs.

"Hey, baby, what's wrong?!" He asked, making his way towards you and going for a kiss, but you tilted your head away from him.

Terry gave you a confused look as his brows furrowed, watching you carefully.

"Baby, are you okay? Did something happen?" He asked, taking off his jacket and throwing it onto the other couch before sitting next to you.

You tried your best to contain yourself but couldn't; you had to express your frustration.

"No, I'm not okay, Terry. You butt-dailed me and I heard everything you said to your cousin and friends. So, do you want this back?" You asked, sliding the engagement ring off of your finger.

Terry clenched his jaw and bowed his head down briefly; the guilt swept through his expression.

"No, I don't want the ring back."

"Oh, really, then what's going on?" you asked, raising your voice slightly.

"Lately, I've been feeling overwhelmed with this shit, and plus, baby, you've been a little of a bridezilla, you and your mom have been...." he said, trailing off on the last part.

"Okay. I understand that, and I'm sorry for my behavior, but you could've told me that, not to your fucking boys. Terry, I love you. We have a daughter, and I want to be your wife. I just need to know before anything goes far. Are you ready to get married?"

"Of course, I am ready, baby! I'm sorry. I should have told ya how I was feeling, but you and your mom kind of made it hard to communicate."

"So it's our fault?" You asked, getting a little defensive, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

"No, kind of, maybe! Look, I don't want to fight, I just think we don't need a big, over-the-top wedding to express our love; a small one with family and a few friends wouldn't hurt, don't you think? Shit...it can be it's just you, me, and Jasmine for all I care," He said honestly.

You took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Terry, for making you feel like you couldn't tell me how you felt. I never meant to do that, baby. Plus, you are right. If I was being honest, I was doing it all for my mom 'cause she's paying for the wedding," you said, caressing his face.

"I know, baby. She's gotta understand this is our wedding, not hers. She's married already; maybe you should talk to her," he said softly.

"Yeah, I'm going to talk with her tomorrow," you said with a slight smile.

"So, we good?" he asked with a returning smile, and you nodded, moving to sit on his lap.

"Yeah, we're good, big daddy," you said teasingly, kissing his lips before going to his neck.

"Don't start something you know you can't finish, baby girl." He warned playfully.

With a mischievous giggle, you uttered, "I can finish you in my mouth," you joked, pulling him into another kiss.

The next day, you chatted with your mom, who completely understood that she had overstepped some boundaries.

After three months of re-planning, the day of your and Terry's small, intimate wedding arrived quickly.

You stood in front of the mirror and couldn't help but admire how your wedding dress highlighted your curves.

There was a knock at the door of the bedroom. Jasmine entered wearing a light pink floral dress and a flower crown in her natural hair.

Your dad followed, wearing a grey tuxedo with a light pink rose boutonniere.

You turned around with a huge smile on your face. Jasmine was the first to hug you, followed by your dad.

With a warm smile, she exclaimed, "Mommy, you look so incredibly beautiful."

"Thank you, sweetie. You look so adorable, my little flower girl," you said, swirling her around, which made her giggle.

You glanced at your dad and saw the emotions playing across his face.

"My firstborn has grown up. You look beautiful, sweet pea," your dad says with a proud smile, tears coming down his face.

"Thanks, Dad," you said, tears welling in your eyes. You hesitated to wipe them, not wanting to ruin your makeup.

"Here, Mommy," Jasmine said, handing you a tissue. You thanked her, and then there was another knock on the door.

Your wedding planner came to tell you it was time as she escorted Jasmine, and you gave her a kiss on the cheek as she departed.

"Ready, sweet pea?" your dad asks, holding his arm out. You nod with a smile and take hold of his arm.

The pianist began to play, and everyone stood up, gazing down the line toward you.

You and your dad stepped onto the sand where the flower petals led to the altar.

You took a deep breath and looked at your dad, who had his arm locked to yours.

He smiled and squeezed your arm, and then the two of you began walking down the aisle.

You attempted to pacify your emotions, but to no avail; when your gaze met Terry's, the harsh reality struck you like a ton of bricks.

You were about to marry the love of your life, the father of your child. You had been waiting for this moment your entire life.

Terry looked handsome in his cream tuxedo, smiling from ear to ear and rolling happy tears down his face.

"Dad, you'll catch me up if I bust my ass, right?" You whispered, which made him chuckle, and he gripped your arm tighter.

"Of course, sweet pea," he asked, "feeling nervous?" as you continued down the aisle.

"Nervous and excited," you whispered with a slight smile, and he nodded as you two finally reached the altar.

You step forward, and Terry clears his throat and wipes his eyes. Your dad kisses you on the forehead before placing your hand into Terry’s.

"You look incredible, baby," he murmurs, gently kissing your hand.

You smile as you caress his cheek and whisper, "So do you, handsome man."

The officiant began speaking and swiftly moved through the ceremony, getting to the "I dos" and vows, and finally, you two heard the words.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride!" The officiant says with a smile.

Terry pulls you close, his hand wrapping around your waist, as he tenderly cups your cheek and softly presses his lips against yours.

The crowd erupted in cheers and applause as both of you basked in the moment.

However, you couldn't help but break away from each other, your faces beaming with the unmistakable joy of being deeply in love.

Excitedly, you and Terry turned towards your friends and family; Jasmine rushed up to join you.

Terry picked her up, and together, hand in hand, you all walked down the aisle as husband and wife and as a family.

Right after the lovely reception, you and Terry headed to your honeymoon suite for the night.

When you entered the room, you couldn't resist each other. You unbuttoned his shirt while he unzipped your dress, and you jumped out.

You kissed him as your hands went to unbutton his pants, and pushed them down.

Terry kicked them off before admiring the lingerie you were wearing.

He smirked and suddenly ripped your bra off from the back, making your plump breasts plop out, which you squeal in excitement.

"So fucking sexy!" Terry whispers as he picks you up, gently lays you on the bed, and begins leaving kisses on you.

His kisses always made you feel good and turned on. His hands lightly caress your waist up and down.

Terry was so slow and gentle with his motion; He stopped to stare at your breasts, licking his lips at the sight.

He takes both hands and squeezes your breasts roughly, causing a squeak to escape your throat.

"Fucking love your tits, baby," Terry says, beginning to suck at them, causing a moan to ripple through your throat.

He flicked his tongue on your nipple before leaning up and kissed your lips tenderly,

His lips caused a shiver to go up your spine. Terry pulls away and takes the rest of your lingerie off as well as his boxers.

You two love admiring each other's bodies like it was the first time seeing them.

His skin glowed beautifully in the light that you saw him in, his muscular body was sculpted amazingly, and his dick was lengthy and wide.

Terry noticed that you were checking him out, and a smug smile appeared on his face.

Curious, His eyes sparkled as he asked, "Like what you see?"

You responded with a nod and a wide grin, replying, "Always...daddy."

Terry began kissing your belly to the inner corner of your thigh; he stopped and became extremely gentle, lightly running his fingers up your wet folds.

You moaned, feeling a shiver go up your spine as he circled and rubbed at your pussy.

"I love the beautiful sounds you make, baby," He says, slipping a few fingers inside you.

You gasp loudly, feeling the great sensation of his fingers thrusting in and out of you fast.

"Terry, please," you moaned as he picked up the pace, feeling your center warm up and become soaked with juices.

This caused him to stop, pulling his hand away from your warmth.

You whined softly afterward, looking down at him with half-lidded eyes.

Terry's eyes were darker than before. "You need daddy's dick, don't you?"

"Yes!" You nod, and he climbs on top of you and rubs the tip against your wet folds, causing you to whine impatiently.

He leans down to your ear. "How much do you need it?"

Terry posed another question, and you responded with a desperate whine.

"So much, Daddy, please fuck me!" You begged, trying to get some friction, which made him grin seductively.

"I'mma give you what you want, baby girl," He says deeply before thrusting his entire length into you.

You gasped loudly, making your back arch up, and he pulled you in a kiss.

"Fuck, you were perfectly made for me, baby," Terry says, pulling out and thrusting back into you.

This action makes you cry, gripping Terry's biceps while he grips your wide hips, beginning to thrust in and out of you at a slow pace.

"Faster, Daddy," You gazed up at me, biting your lip with a mix of desire and love.

"Like this?" He asked, beginning to pick up the pace, gripping your hips a bit tighter.

"Fuckfuckfuck, yes" You cried with a nod. Terry began to watch your breasts bounce up and down with each thrust, loving the movement.

You placed your hands on his chest, letting out loud moans as he began to thrust deeper, feeling his dick hit your sweet pot.

"Fuck! Fuck me, Terry, ahh fucking put a baby in, Daddy," you cried, which made him smirk.

"You wanna another baby, 'cause I'll fucking give it to ya," He asked, locking your feet over his ass and pounding into you faster and deeper.

"Yes, please fuck me, yes," You cried in his ear, whipped your head, and gripped his back for dear life at this position.

Terry grunted at your answer, seeing in his eyes picturing you, months from now, belly round and tits swollen, pregnant with your second baby.

"You sure you want me to fill you up? Fuck a baby into you? Let everyone see how I put another baby in you, pretty momma?" he asked for reassurance.

“Yes, please fuck! I want it; I wanna another baby,” You begged, digging your fingers into his broad shoulders.

You loved his heavy moans and the wet gust sound of your pussy and his dick slapping against each other repeatedly.

"Please!" You said, clenching around him.

Terry moaned and loved the way your pussy sucked him in with its warmth and wetness, ready to milk him for that second baby.

“Fuck, you really wanted huh? Fucking clenching that dick, milking it. I'll fill you up and put a baby in, shit fucking around, fill you up for days on this honeymoon and just to get you pregnant.”

He spread your legs a little bit wider to go much deeper, and with each thrust, the whole bed started making a squeaking sound.

"Ahh, yes fuck Daddy, that's what I want. Fuck, you feel so good, so fucking deep, ahh."

You moaned, feeling yourself getting closer to the edge. You couldn't hold back.

"Oh my god, I'm gonna cum-fuckfuckfuck," You cried, feeling your eyes roll in the back of your head as you came hard.

'That's it, baby girl. Fuck...daddy's right behind fuck ya...." He says, keeps thrusting deep inside of you.

"Fuck here it comes," He grunted as his whole body jerked as hot cum spurted inside of you.

You both stayed in that embrace, catching your breath and coming down from the amazing high.

Terry made sure every drop of his cum was inside of you before pulling out.

He flipped his back on the bed and wrapped his arms around you.

"You think we did it? You think there's a baby in there?" he asked, gently stroking your belly, causing you to giggle.

"We'll just have to wait and see; if not, we can keep trying," you replied, gazing up at him before tenderly kissing his lips.

The soft glow of the moonlight streamed through the curtains as you both lay there, envisioning the possibilities that awaited you.

The room enveloped you in a soothing silence, broken only by the gentle cadence of your breaths.

"I love you, baby, so much" he murmured, his voice brimming with love.

"I love you too, Terry," you whispered back, feeling a warmth spread through your heart.

The night seemed to wrap around you, a cocoon of dreams and whispered hopes.

You both knew that whatever the future held, you would face it together, hand in hand, hearts entwined.

Sleep began to pull you under, and you smiled, knowing that this was just the beginning of your forever ever after.