#i call it stupid (affectionate) because it’s absurd and silly and i love it so much we made it like three hours ago lmao

[poltergeist-coffee]

if someone asks i’ll tell you all about the stupidest radio show au me and vert made with q!slimariana

[yell0wsalt]

YEAR END ASKS

🎉3,5,8

🍾1,2

🎆6,7

🎉 Best of Year In...

3. One movie

Little Mermaid Live Action. I go into it in a later question, but my goodness, what a movie.

5. One TV show.

I don’t think I’ve watched many TV shows this year. Probably Fall of the House of Usher. The psychological horror shook me to my core. 

8. One song.

Oh man there were so many that were absolute brain rot. I’m going to have to go with "Jericho" by Iniko.

Their lyrics and breath control treating their voice as an instrument and staying true to themselves is powerful.

Plus lyrics like these:

I don't swim or sink, I just float I don't need gravity, I just need growth When I move, it's an earthquake rumble I will never, ever fall, never stumble And I don't need to be humble Break down walls like Jericho, crumble

Talent.

🍾 1. What's something you just watched/read/played/listened to for the first time this year that you loved?

The Little Mermaid live action. My gosh, the music, visuals, acting, 12/10 no notes. I recall watching the ending and coming out of the theater with tears in my eyes.

Halle owned that role and the rest of the cast and chemistry was top notch.

Chills. Big fan of the movie. I want to watch it again now.

🍾 2. What's something you RE-watched/read/played/listened to this year that you loved?

Someone might come for me for being so late on this, but Beyonce's Renaissance album.

I know, I know, the album came out in July 2022. I’m late to just about everything. Story of my life. It’s fine, we’re fine.

With this album I got into learning more about the music being more than: Oh, this sounds nice! 

There are deeper meanings behind the lyrics than what one would initially think. Cultural and personal references that are integrated beautifully.

It reawakened my love for her music and appreciate her ever evolving sound and work ethic to still be the icon she is for all these years in the industry.

Re-listened to the album so much, 4 of her songs were in my Top 5 Spotify Wrapped. 

🎆 6. What project most surprised you this year?

Can we call fandom things a project? Yes, I think we can! 

Specifically that I even moved from just reading to attempting to write, too. In general, this has surprised me with how supportive the environment can be, provided you find the kind people in the fandom space and have your own little bubble with them.

It’s so inspiring seeing how creative, weird and (affectionately) stupid silly people can let themselves be. 

When you allow yourself to break from the day to day normalcy and push your own boundaries of weird, it makes the experience that much more fun.

🎆 7. What project did you work the hardest on this year?

Hmmm I’m going to pick a fic and say this one. Mainly because it’s taken me the longest time of 3 months for a fic that’s turning out to be less than 10k words. Absurd.

To be fair, the latter half of the year has been a hell of a time, busy with life and *checks notes* 10 (?!) other fics along the while, but still!

Thanks for all the rad questions!

YEAR END asks

[my-writings-and-musings]

Can I request the hostage prompt with whirl,cygate and megatron with a human so

Ohoho I've been waiting to do this one... Hope everyone enjoys some silliness mixed with sweetness!

Part One: You're Here!

Part Two: Here!

Whirl

·You've always had a kind of strength Whirl recognized and admired, it's one of the reasons he fell for you in the first place, but even you aren't sure what exactly gives you the fuel to snap with enough force that it freezes your captor at their active communication station. Maybe you're just tired of being chained up, but their arrogant demeanor is more than likely what pushed you over the edge, specifically with that last taunt at Whirl that used "Cyclops" as the punchline for the millionth time. Swears are beautifully melded into an avalanche of fury that starts with you demanding this lazy idiot think of a better insult for your partner than something involving his looks, because "You think YOU'RE hot shit?! There's corpses in here with more charisma than you!"

·Fear doesn't even register as you keep on tearing apart your captor in every way you can. Nothing is off limits with all the taunting Whirl has been forced to endure on the other end of the communication line, and thus you bring out every below the belt insult you can think of. The bad bot's jaw is slack as you continue, looking to their dazed face and declaring "Not to mention you're dumb enough to go after MY mech, you think a loser like you is gonna stand a chance against WHIRL?! Just last week he tossed a combiner off a bridge because he called me "fleshy", what do you think he's gonna do to YOU?!"

· The communicator is still running when your kidnapper leaves it to try and intimidate you into silence, a move that makes you laugh in exasperated dismissal. "Oh, now you're gonna THREATEN me, really? Did I not make myself clear? You've pissed off the deadliest mech in the universe, and he's got the entirety of the Lost Light helping him search, your next few hours would be a lot better spent deciding how you want what's gonna be left of you interred!" Though you're not even knee height compared to your captor, he actually seems to flinch at your words, especially with you raging so close to his gobsmacked face. The rush of finally shutting him up spurs you to continue your roasting with increasingly petty and crude comments on your partner's significantly superior looks.

·In a stroke of fantastic fortune or misfortune depending on your perspective, a tactical explosion tears into the underground base just as you start to elaborate on Whirl's many other impressive skills. Bots rain in to overwhelm your kidnapper and his automated defenses in a coordinated ambush, one quickly ruined when your absolutely giddy paramour rushes forth without a care to take out the captor in a flying jump kick with a howling battle cry. Rather than eviscerate his now vulnerable enemy, Whirl leaves the crumpled kidnapper where he lies, heedless to the battle still raging all around as his optic sparkles as he beholds you. Like a damsel being swept off their feet you're plucked from your chains and pulled into his careful claws.

·All but gushing with euphoria, he explains that your brilliant distraction tactic gave them the ability to trace your location, and that he heard every word of your spark warming defense on his behalf. You can hear the unhindered adoration in his voice, but you also get a chance to see it as he practically dances through the combat with you held in one arm. By the time your kidnapper is the only one left, he looks lovingly into your eyes and primes his gun with a tender whisper. "Want me to kill this glitch just for you, babe?" The other bots quickly interfere to insist on taking him in for a proper trial, something you're quite alright with as you explain all you really want is to get some rest. Whirl insists on carrying you all the way to bed, whispering sweet nothing's and more or less being the most affectionate anyone has ever seen him.

·Afterwards you're told what it was like on the other end of the communication line. He'd been inconsolable at your kidnapping, and it had taken multiple bots to prevent him from tearing apart the ship as the messages came in. But the moment you'd started shouting? He'd been initially frozen like the rest of them, but had eventually leaned in beside the communicator to listen, his optic getting mistier at every passing curse word yelled on his behalf. Some described his demeanor as that of a lovestruck teen listening to their crush sing a love ballad, though they emphasize his emotional reaction to hearing you was undoubtedly genuine, as it was probably the first time he'd ever been defended so passionately by anyone. The endless doting on you he engages in afterwards leaves you little doubt this is true.

Cygate

·Having two loving partners has always been a blessing, which is probably why you're so easily driven to a blind rage in the face of your captor's endless attempts to mock both of them through the brief communications he sends to the crew, which are also made more unbearable by his ever increasing list of demands for your return. At his latest taunting of their "freakish" romance, you hit your boiling point. The communicator is still running when you lay into the callous bot for having the audacity to insult anyone's choices when he's set himself up in a literal evil lair. "There's body parts just thrown around like confetti in here, and you LIVE like this?! Do you think you get to decide who's weird in this scenario?! At least those two were decent enough to have each other as roommates, you couldn't convince anything living to shack up with your creepy ass!"

·At the total silence you somehow find the fury to keep going, but harder and faster this time, your self restraint little more than a memory as you dangle from the chains keeping you still. "Is it a jealousy thing?! Are you just that peeved off you're single? That you had to steal me to cut them down from three to two? Bad news dumbass; they're STILL beating you on the dating front!" It's not helping your situation, but tearing in to the jerk who's dragged you into a cave and spent so long bullying your partners feels too good for you to stop, especially with the stupid look of indignation and confusion twisting his expression. Not to mention he gives you plenty to rip into even as he tries in vain to make you shut up.

·"You think you scare me?! Do you even know who I'm dating?! Do you think they'll let you get away with this stunt?! One of them can destroy your stupid face with one punch, the other is Cyclonus, and you've gone and pissed them both off!" While it may be a little underwhelming to threaten the guy with what others will do to him, you're hardly in a mood to complain when his expression briefly gives way to one of horrified realization. Yet that hardly calms you down in any significant way. Did he drag you to some nowhere planet and chain you to a wall without even bothering to consider the consequences?! Your back is killing you and the bots have been enduring his incoherent demands for hours, and perhaps you could forgive that if not for all his haughty taunting, which drives you to once again begin raging.

·"Did you even have a plan?! Do you actually have any idea what you're up against, or did you just think you'd swipe a human and earn an easy paycheck? Because if you had even an inkling of what my mechs are capable of, you'd be headed for the nearest space bridge and warping as FAR away from here as physics allow!" While it's a new level of ridiculous, even for your crazy life, the absurdities of the nonexistent plan simply make you see red. It's one thing to be kidnapped by someone who at least has goals, but to be chained up in a cave by some idiot who doesn't have any plans beyond profit and bragging? That'd be enough to tick you off in itself, but the additional insults he's levied at your partners bring your tirade into molten levels of anger that seem absolutely bottomless.

·You're practically red in the eyes when the whole place quakes, and by the time you realize your captor is booking it he's already made it to the door, though his escape ends there when it opens to reveal the bots you've been wanting to see more than anything. A single strike from Cyclonus sends the kidnapper clear across the room, and he's followed by a battle ready Tailgate roaring out his fury as the security systems come on. The chaos of automatic turrets does nothing to distract you from the little blue bot pummeling your captor, and it only makes the arrival of a familiar purple mech that much more heroic as he snaps your chains and pulls you into his arms. The battle is little more than a formality before the barely conscious villain is cuffed and prepared for transport to trial, something your two partners are only willing to allow under the threat of personally hunting him down if he tries to escape justice. Before even leaving the cave you're smushed in the middle of a passionate hug.

·Tailgate alternates between ecstatic buzzing and relieved weeping at your rescue, while Cyclonus never loses a soft smile but keeps finding opportunities to hold and touch you as if he needs to be reassured you're here. It's heartwarming, but according to the rest of the crew it all started at your unplanned radio takeover. No bot had been prepared to hear their favorite human erupt in such unbridled rage, but those two had been shocked in the most wonderful meaning of the word, their expressions reflecting awe like no other until the ship had actually arrived at your location. Cyclonus had actually gone slack jawed while Tailgate had threatened to faint in his arms, but joy had painted their reactions more and more as time had gone on. The tiny powerhouse and the colossal mech out of time were still effusive in their praise every time you three were together, neither having ever known someone could truly love the two of them so completely.

Megatron

·Knowing that Megatron has a sizable target on his back and a lot to be criticized for doesn't make enduring your captor any easier, which is probably why you end up reaching a boiling point after a few hours of listening to the bot who's tied you up try to claim some kind of moral high ground. A tiny human being protective of a titanic gladiator may be illogical, but you can't seem to care when you finally hit your limit, the chains keeping you in place rattling from your sheer force of rage. Because seriously, so long as we're criticizing people for immoral actions, can you cut in about the time some raging jerk tied you up just to taunt another bot and get some cash on the side? Your simple but glaring barb immediately gets the attention of the much larger alien as they stare at you in shock.

·At his bafflement you become entirely unhinged. "Really? What, do you need me to spell out the irony of all this?! You're calling MY MECH a monster, but I don't see him running many evil lairs at the moment, do you?! Kind of rich, you claiming the high ground while I'm literally CHAINED TO THE WALL and our only present company is CORPSES, don't you think?!" The various and still unexplained dead bodies dotting the cave remain as the only audience you know of while the communicator is abandoned, your captor leaving it behind so he can approach and try to growl out some kind of intimidation. It has no effect beyond making you more furious than ever before. Had the chains not been holding you down, you'd have certainly tried to swing at his stupid face while you snapped.

·"Are you trying to scare me? You, a two bit kidnapper who holed himself up in a cave, and I'm supposed to be impressed?! I'm DATING Megatron! One look at a bot that terrifies the galaxy and I decided I wanted a piece of him!" You're almost proud as you declare your undying love for your gigantic partner, something that has earned you a lot of grief from others but has made you happier than you've ever been in your entire life. While you ordinarily don't attempt to argue on his behalf, per his request, it's impossible not to just grill a jerk who thinks he has the high ground to criticize literally anyone. Plus your open and passionate fondness for the former warlord seems to be scaring your captor more than the mech himself ever could, something that brings a devilish twinkle to your eye as you continue to threateningly gush over the bot you adore, if only to pay this jerk back for all the gloating he made said mech endure.

·You're absolutely effusive as you passionately and quite aggressively go on about what a gentlemech you're dating, with ample divertions to the many ways his incredible strength and size are used for much more protective and noble purposes, like holding you close or crushing bad guys. It isn't long before you're spinning a terrifying yarn about the time you were caught in a firefight and he tore a hunk of the wall clean off to shield you from the danger before proceeding to beat the attacking forces with the corpse of their leader. The kidnapper is actually backing away slowly, which turns to backing away quickly as you begin to describe Megatron's romantic poetry skills and how some of his greatest talents lie not on the battlefield but in the bedroom, by which point he's preparing his security systems to cover his escape.

·Perfect timing, from your perspective, makes the sudden explosion of every door a beautiful and inspiring sight. In what has to be the most well coordinated ambush of all time, your friends of the Lost Light storm the cave and annihilate the resistance so fast you only have to blink before a very restrained Megatron is cuffing your petrified kidnapper and tossing him to Magnus so he can be taken into custody. When he turns to you he's actually smiling, and there's a lot behind the expression. Relief, gratitude, exhaustion, and a million other emotions swarm in his optics as the chains keeping you bound crumble like dust in his grip, and you're lifted in his cupped hands like a priceless treasure. Though he's mostly quiet for some time after, you can hear how absolutely smitten he is with you every time he speaks, and the lovestruck look of pure affection never seems to leave his face, which you see often as he appears terrified to lose you.

·A couple of other bots feel compelled to tell you; he was on the warpath when he found you missing, and many had been taking bets on how little would be left of your kidnapper once the former Decepticon got his hands on him. Yet, as soon as he'd overheard you, something about his whole demeanor had changed in an instant. He hadn't just softened, he'd been visibly moved by the passion of your defense and the fire of your love for him. The very idea that he could be defended had been unthinkable in his mind. Yet you'd faced a much larger foe without fear because you'd been so angry on his behalf, what could he possibly have done to deserve such a thing? His gratitude is apparent every moment the two of you spend together, from his rather out of character cuddling to his impressive increase in poems written to describe his adoration of you. Though it isn't at all necessary, you do enjoy having been able to let him know how deeply you cherish him.

[panharmonium]

Merlin and Naruto

I did Merlin here, so here’s Naruto! :D

[disclaimer for everyone: I have only watched up through Season 10 of Shippuden (the arc with the Five Kage Summit), and I am trying to avoid spoilers for everything after that point, so please don’t interact with this (including tags, because tumblr shows them to me automatically) unless you are avoiding ALL spoilers.  For me, this includes discussion about whether you like/dislike future seasons, comparisons of various seasons in terms of quality, etc.  Thanks, everyone! <3]

My favorite parent-child relationship: I know they’re not blood-related, but Iruka and Naruto have me crying every time I see them together.  Naruto straight-up says that when he’s with Iruka he feels like he knows what it’s like to have a father, and honestly, Iruka loves Naruto so much at this point that he would insta-adopt him if Naruto asked.  I love how Naruto always cites Iruka as the first person who cared for him even later in the show when Iruka hasn’t had as much screentime, and when I saw Iruka cry because he’s so proud of Naruto at the end of the Pain arc, it was just...too much for my little heart to handle.

My favorite sibling relationship: You know, thinking about it, almost all of the people in Naruto are only children, as far as we know!  But in terms of just that sibling vibe - Sakura and Naruto definitely give me that feel.  I know he has a crush on her, but their relationship has always felt more sibling-like to me, and I especially love how deep their bond has become by the time we get to Shippuden.  They are just so comfortable with each other now - the depth of the love and friendship they feel for each other is palpable.  

My favorite family relationship (other): I adore Naruto’s relationship with Jiraiya.  That scene where Naruto falls asleep against his back almost killed me, and Jiraiya’s later line, “Your smile is my salvation” - that was too much.  It absolutely destroyed me.  The way Jiraiya kind of gave up on everything after his old life went to hell - neverending wars, Orochimaru gone, his original students dead, his student’s students dead, Minato dead - he just ran away after that, and it was meeting Naruto that kind of rekindled that spark of hope in him and helped him reconnect with his community and rediscover a sense of purpose in his life.  Naruto enabled him to finally come home, and I think that’s beautiful.

My favorite friendship between two people: There are so many friendships in Naruto that I love (one of the greatest things about this show for me has been how little focus is given to romantic relationships, at least so far; it’s very much a friendship-oriented show), but right now I’m in a bit of a Kakashi-Yamato hole.  I was super primed to not like Yamato when he first showed up, because him being there meant that my favorite character WASN’T there, and also he ended up replacing Kakashi on the one mission where the team finally found Sasuke, but the guy won me over in the end.  He is one of my favorite characters now - my heart just swells every time I see him - and I think his relationship with Kakashi is super interesting.  I’ve written before about how Kakashi’s only truly intimate friendships are with people who are dead, and I do think that applies when it comes to Yamato, too, even though the two of them are obviously very companionable and close.  There is still a level to that relationship where Kakashi is a bit of a mentor figure, the “superior officer,” which results in a degree of (still friendly and affectionate) distance.  And as with all of his other relationships, Kakashi doesn’t really confide in Yamato about his life or open up to him in the same way that he does when he talks to his dead friends - but at the same time, there is an element to their relationship that doesn’t exist in Kakashi’s other friendships, and it’s the fact that Kakashi trusts Yamato with his kids, implicitly and without reservation.  Kakashi’s entire life right now is very much enmeshed in what happens to his students, and even if he doesn’t necessarily talk about that with Yamato, Yamato is still deeply involved in that work.  Yamato VOLUNTEERED for that work.  And he continues to dedicate himself to it even when his first mission as Kakashi’s stand-in ends up going completely off the rails and turning into WAY more than he signed up for.  He keeps doing his utmost for Kakashi’s kids without it even being his original responsibility, and that is such an unusual thing, for Kakashi, who in every other circumstance is always the one stepping in to help other people, the one who always shoulders his burdens alone.  Nobody ever asks Kakashi if he needs help with these incredibly high-needs children, and neither does Yamato - but the difference is that Yamato jumps in to help regardless, and he stays no matter how complicated things get.  That’s huge, and it’s only going to become more important.  It’s just - it is difficult for Kakashi to have intimate friendships with people who don’t share his history, and this rules out almost everybody else in the world, because all the people who truly share his own history are dead.  But the degree to which Yamato has altruistically and irreversibly entwined himself into the most important parts of Kakashi’s new history - the chapters being written right now, the ones that are going to define the rest of Kakashi’s life - means that Yamato is well on his way to breaking through that wall and becoming the first exception to a universal rule. [There is a lot to be said on Kakashi’s side of this, too, like - every time Kakashi refuses to call Yamato by his code name I lose my mind just a little bit, and I have MANY thoughts about Kakashi basically dragging folks who’ve been victimized or exploited or experimented on out of ANBU and then absorbing them into his own team, where they become a part of a family-type unit that respects them and cares about them and treats them like human beings.  I mean, there’s a huge difference between the Yamato we meet in S2 vs. the Yamato we know in S10 (and the same thing goes for Sai!) - and that’s something I think about a lot.]

My favorite friendship between a group:  I love all of the team dynamics, but Team Gai is a fave XD  The absurd contrast between oh-so-serious Neji vs. Gai/Lee’s incredible goofiness (with Tenten’s exasperation in between) is comedy gold.  I screamed with laughter in S1 when Gai was trying to get Neji to put his hand in the circle and do their “shout a slogan like a sports team” thing - I’ve never seen anything funnier on this show than jonin!Neji trying to put up with Gai’s antics.  

My favorite mentorship: My favorite mentorship is always Kakashi and whichever kid happens be onscreen with him at that moment, but I’ll be honest and say that Kakashi+Sasuke was the first dynamic that got me actually invested in this show (as opposed to me just watching it because it was on and not really caring what happened to any of the characters).  They are still the mentorship dynamic about which I have the most complex feelings, and that is especially true after the last season we watched.  I will probably end up making a separate post about this, because I still have not written down all of my thoughts about the end of Season 10 and I am still trapped in my feelings about this very lost child and the only adult who ever tried to help him the way he deserved to be helped, and I know I have way more to say about them than I can reasonably fit in this bullet point.  But - the short version is that I am super compelled by the way that every tragedy that’s befallen Kakashi is precisely what shapes him into the only adult who can help this particular kid, the way seemingly senseless events ended up putting Kakashi in a position where he’s the only adult who can intervene on this kid’s behalf many, many years later.  The way Sasuke’s plight (and the potential that Kakashi has to help him) suddenly grants meaning to the worst parts of Kakashi’s life - that knocks me on my butt.  

My favorite rivalry: So I probably would not have said this until the episode where Kakashi comes three seconds away from being made Hokage, but I’m gonna say Gai & Kakashi, solely to express my love and appreciation for Gai in that episode.  This is the ep where Gai challenges Kakashi to a race through the entire village (as a sort of “last hurrah before we can’t do this kind of silly shit anymore” thing) and Kakashi is initially kind of reluctant to do it, because he’s stressed out about a lot of things, but he does end up agreeing to it, and then he has SO much fun, and I LOVED this so much; I can’t even tell you.  This moment takes place immediately after Kakashi returns from that horrible, awful confrontation with Sasuke, and everything preceding this scene was very hard for me to see, because everybody is just asking Kakashi to do more and more and more for them without giving him even a hot minute to be like “i almost just killed my own kid.  i almost just had to kill my own kid, who was trying to kill my other kid, who was trying to kill kid #1 first, so i wouldn’t have assume the burden of killing him myself.”  Nobody checks on him, nobody asks, and Kakashi has to just hold onto that horror and also fret over the uncertain yet chilling secrets that Madara Uchiha disclosed and also prepare to shoulder the crushing weight of an office he never asked for - AND THEN.  GAI SHOWS UP.  And even though Gai doesn’t really know what happened, he still checks Kakashi over from top to bottom to make sure he’s in one piece, and then he drags him into this stupid competition, and it makes Kakashi LAUGH.  They go running all out across the craterized scene of devastation that used to be their home, and they have FUN doing it, and Kakashi straight-up tells Gai, “This was just what I needed,” which - god.  It would be great if Kakashi had somebody he could actually talk to, sure, but there’s also a space in our lives for people who just cheer us up, no questions asked.  It’s like when you tell someone you have a problem and they ask, “Do you want to talk about it or do you want to be distracted?”  Sometimes you don’t need to talk about it.  Sometimes you just need people who will take you for a goofy footrace and make you feel like you’re running too fast for any of your troubles to ever touch you again, for a few minutes. 

My favorite hatred/antipathy: The answer to this question used to be Kakashi and Itachi, and while I’m even MORE fascinated by their dynamic now than ever, it’s taken on a whole new dimension, given that I think Itachi is (secretly) thrilled to see someone like Kakashi so committed to taking him down and keeping Sasuke safe.  So, in place of that, I’ll just say that I love how much all of the Akatsuki cannot stand each other XD  Almost none of them get along, and it makes me laugh every time - I can’t believe they ever get anything done, though I guess that’s to be expected when you get that many super-criminals together in a room.  I especially love how they all think Orochimaru is so stupid...cannot get over them laughing at him and his body-snatching immortality schemes.

My favorite potential relationship between characters who never talk in canon: Okay, these are both silly answers, but - I would have KILLED to see Jiraiya interacting with Minato’s team.  Like, I’m certain they spent time together, but honestly, what I wouldn’t give to have witnessed some of it.  All I could think about during that mini-arc where Jiraiya teaches Naruto how to sync up with Gamariki was how little!Kakashi would have taken one look at the dancing frogs and decided he would be using dog!summons for the rest of his life; meanwhile Obito would have already been in the frog’s mouth begging to be launched into the air like a cannonball.  Also - my sister said the other night how it is a CRIME that we never got to see Sasuke forced to interact with Jiraiya and honestly, that is too true.

[dirt-cup-draco]

Fred x Reader- Foolproof (1/2)

hey can i request something for fred where they're fake dating for some reason and fred is in l0ve with her and he kisses her one day in the middle of the hall after they faked breaking it off and instead of being lovestruck the reader yells at him because it was her first kiss and she wanted it to be special and he's sad and thinks it's because she doesn't like him and THEN it's later revealed that she loves him too but she still didn't appreciate the kiss

Fred had his arm around you, a smile gracing his lips as he looked down at you. It could only mean one thing, trouble. In your experience there wasn’t a time where Fred didn’t mean trouble. He might’ve meant well, maybe, but it certainly never ended that way. 

“What do you want?” You asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion as he didn’t come right out and ask you for whatever it was that was stewing in that wild head of his. 

Fred gasped softly, his free hand pressing against his chest in mock hurt and you rolled your eyes so that you could ignore the way you wanted to laugh. If you laughed you would just encourage him and that is one thing you should never do in concern to the Weasley twins. “I’m hurt love, can’t I just want to spend time with you?” 

“No,” You pointed out. Fred was almost bothered by how quickly you answered, but he quickly shook it from his busy mind. 

“I have a bit of a proposition,” He began. 

“Always the business man,” You teased, flashing your pearly whites at him in a smug grin. 

“Now you’re catching on,” He winked, squeezing your arm affectionately as you turned down another corridor, now realizing he had completely distracted you from your previous destination. 

“Speaking of catching on, where are we going?” You stopped abruptly and Fred took two steps before realizing you had slipped from under his arm. He groaned and circled back to you, hand pressing insistently against the small of your back as he urged you forward. 

“Three Broomsticks love, keep up,” He jested. You nearly laughed, as if you would ever be able to keep up with Fred Weasley. 

--

“You want me to what?!” You shouted before lowering your voice as an older gentleman glared at you from his booth. You righted yourself in the seat as you stared incredulously at Fred through the dim light coming from the fixture above your head. He was absolutely beaming, a proud little smile on his face. 

“You heard me Y/N,” He tsked and tutted before declaring with a dramatic flourish of his hand, “I want you to pretend to be my girlfriend,” 

You gaped at him. “The nerve!” You scoffed as he added emphasis on the pretend. What a jerk! Like you would ever want to date him, let alone have it be made a mockery of. What was the point? 

“Now hear me out!” He pleaded as you started to scoot out of your seat. His hand was warm on yours as he took a sip of his butterbeer as you settled back down, even if you did kick his shin once “by accident”. 

“Speak,” You demanded, tugging your hand from his. The touch was more disturbing after his sudden little announcement. 

“I was thinking-”

“Never a good idea,” 

“Oh bugger off. I was thinking, I want Angelina to notice me but it hasn’t been working like I wanted it to. So I was thinking, you could pretend to be my girlfriend for a couple weeks to make her jealous. Then when she finally realizes she wants me, we’ll ‘break up’!” Fred was smiling like he had just thought of the most brilliant thing when you were certain it was the most idiotic thing that you had ever heard of. 

“You know it isn’t attractive to make someone else jealous, right?” You pointed out and Fred looked unsure for a minute. “I mean, even assuming it did work, how are we even supposed to ‘fake date’?” 

Fred’s fire was back as you continued. You might sound uninterested but he knew you well, you were sold on this just like he was. You were bored and he had something to achieve, it was perfect, foolproof even! “Just dumb stuff, holding hands and eating lunch together,” 

“No snogging?” You asked, more curious than anything. Fred was a teenager after all and most teens you knew would give any excuse to kiss as many people as they could. What you hadn’t expected was Fred’s blush that crept up his neck and stained his ears. 

“It’s fake! Why would we need to kiss?” The poor boy looked like he was going to gag. You laughed at the absurdity of it. 

“Because people will know it’s fake if we don’t! Hell, the last time you were with a girl, I was concerned you never gave her time to breath. You have a reputation for being more than funny Fred, people will know something is up if you don’t kiss me,” It looked like the thought alone was stressing him out. 

If you were being frankly honest, you didn’t want to kiss Fred. You were hoping that the thought of it would scare him off of this stupid deal. You hadn’t had your first kiss yet and you weren’t lying about Fred’s reputation. He had dated a girl in your dorm for a month or so and it was like he was all she had to talk about. 

“Sorry, Y/N, I just don’t think I could kiss you,” He answered honestly and your heart sank a bit. Jeez, tell me how you really feel. You thought bitterly, but let it pass as you kept your expression perfectly blank. 

“Good, I don’t want to kiss you either,” You commented icily but Fred just smiled at you. 

“Perfect! Then we won’t kiss but you’ll pretend to be my girlfriend,” Fred decided for you as he drained the rest of his butterbeer. “Got to go, see you during dinner tonight,” He winked then disappeared. 

What had he just gotten you into?

--

One week had passed since then and you were surprised to find that fake dating Fred was easy. He was accommodating and kind. Never pushing too far, and always having a joke to make you roll your eyes and laugh about the whole stupid situation. It was far more simple than you thought it would be but you liked it that way.

Fred walked you to class everyday, his fingers intertwined in yours. So far, without fail he had kissed the top of your head and wished you a good day, with some silly little pet name tacked on to the end of his shtick. He had a new one every day and it had become a game of yours to try and predict what he would call you. 

“Have a good day in class-” He started and you smirked. 

“Sugar,” You guessed at the same time he said. “Honey,” 

It brought an bubbly laugh from his lips and you couldn’t fight your own giggle as you spun on your heel and walked into the classroom. 

Next time you would guess it. 

--

The passing week turned out to be miserably long and you were grateful for the Friday night that had snuck up on you. You thought you could unwind and do some homework but it seemed like Fred had other plans. “Come on a date with me,” He announced as he strolled into your common room, hands shoved in his pockets.

“Why would I do that?” Fred leaned over your shoulder as you scribbled on your scrolls, highlighting sections in your notes to help you with whatever terribly boring essay you had to be stuck doing. 

“Because you’re my girlfriend,” He said as if it was as simple as that, as if it was true. 

“Fake,” You mumbled but you were interrupted as Fred quickly appeared at your side, his hand pressed against your mouth as your eyes widened. 

“Shh! Someone might her and tell Angie,” He warned with a whisper.

“There’s hardly anyone around Fred!” You pointed out, rolling your eyes as you peeled his hand away from your mouth. “And what’s the point of a date if no one is going to see us?” 

“Well,” Fred paused, having been stopped in his tracks as he considered your words. You were right, no one would see you so what did the silly little date he had planned matter? His lips tugged down uncharacteristically into a frown and he kicked absentmindedly at the leg of your table. 

“Well?” You prompted. “I have homework, I can’t really take a break,” You reasoned. 

Fred wished that a lightbulb could appear above his head because he had just had a wonderful idea (he filed the thought away into one of the messy bins of his mind, knowing eventually it could be marketable with George’s help). “You’ve been busy all week! If you don’t want to go on a date at least come have some fun so you can relax,” 

The beaming boy placed his hands on your tensed shoulders, rubbing gently yet insistently at the knots that were a creation of your tension. He made quick work of it and you were putty in his hands, sighing happily as you slouched in relief. “Oh god Fred, why didn’t you do that earlier? I’d be you’re real girlfriend for having skills like that,” 

Fred flushed slightly because you and him would make a terribly couple really, the thought of it alarmed him and made him want to gag. How foolish, you and him could never be. So, as Fred did when embarrassed, he deflected and put on a mask with a wolfish smirk. “Funny, think I’ve heard that before...”

“Oh you pig!” You groaned, pushing your chair back to hit him and finding you were satisfied with the ‘oof’ that that was pushed from his lungs, not prepared for the chair leg you settled on his foot or the back of your head bumping into his chest. “but, since you did do me a favor and I can actually move my neck from side to side now, what would you like to do?” 

Fred gaped at you while you gathered up your things, tucking in your chair neatly and righting your sweater back into place as it had ridden up your back while sitting. “Oh brilliant, I knew you had an adventurous streak in you,” He finally lamented and you looked at him with cautionary eyes. 

“I wouldn’t go that far,” You grimaced. “I rather we don’t do something that is going to put all that pressure in my neck again, thanks,” 

Fred thought for a long moment as you stared up at him. His gaze darted around the room and his foot was tapping a beat into the ground as if it would help speed up his mental process. Maybe it did. He always seemed to be fiddling about. It was sort of well...cute. In a completely objective way of course. Subjectively you had no opinion on the matter, he wasn’t not cute but you would never say he was. 

“Any plans?” You hurried along as your thoughts got away with themselves.

Fred grinned finally and took your hand in his like it was the most natural thing to do. “I’ve always got a plan, darling,” 

“That one’s new,” You teased as Fred dragged you down the halls, thankfully avoiding any of the prefects and staff that could be wondering about to monitor curfew and punish those who broke it. 

“What is?” Fred whispered as he peered around a corner, making sure the coast was clear before he lead you outside and past the greenhouse. 

You stared in wonder at the blanket that had already been set down, a set of candles floating gently above your heads and lighting the area. A plate of cookies that were miraculously still warm in this cooling weather sat in the center of the blanket. Fred made himself comfortable, the warmth of his hand gone. 

“Well?” He asked when you failed to answer, eyes still taking in the relaxing scene. 

“When did you have time to do this?” You asked and Fred shrugged. 

“Figured I wouldn’t let my date set up go to waste, you like cookies and I like cookies. It didn’t seem like you wanted to do much more than that so here we are,” He shrugged but you could see that he was pleased with himself and you were quite pleased with him too. “Now, what’s new?” He asked again, his mind having hyper focused on your passing comment. 

“banicknail,” You mumbled through a mouth full of ooey, gooey cookie. Fred made a face but laughed at your speed in taking one of the treats. You swallowed and tried again. “The nickname, petname, whatever. You always have a new one when you send me off for class. Darling is new,” 

Fred smiled through is own cookie. “You like it then?” 

Not even the cloak of night could shield your bashful expression. “I wasn’t saying that, it’s just you haven’t said it before...” 

“Why do you get so embarrassed?” Fred asked, polishing off his third cookie as you grew quieter, picking at a loose thread in the blanket that must have been made by his mother. It was terribly warm and comfortable, you liked it. 

“Is this an interrogation?” You narrowed your eyes playfully, “Watch out Freddie, you might make me think you’re serious ‘bout all this,” 

“You’re avoiding the question,” He sang, but your comment had thrown him off guard. Was he acting too familiar? Did it bother you? 

“I’m not,” You challenged back, knowing full well you were totally avoiding the question. “But, if you must know... I’ve never been in a relationship before, fake or real or anything so it sort of goes to my head when you’re sweet,” 

Fred raised an eyebrow in question and your cheeks heated considerably. “But don’t worry! I-I don’t like you or anything and I know you don’t mean anything by it! Besides, I’m just me,” You sighed, shoulders up by your ears as you sighed softly. 

“Hey,” Fred said softly, bumping his knuckles affectionately against your jaw. “You’re great Y/N, really. Who else would be lovely enough to pretend my girlfriend and not go mad?” 

You rolled your eyes but you found a smile fighting it’s way to your face, he always had a way of getting you to smile. “Oh hush up, anyone would be lucky to have you, even if you’re the crazier twin,” You winked cheekily at him and he opened his mouth in mock surprise. 

“Me?! The crazier twin? Oh let me tell you, this one time George...” and on Fred went to tell you story after story of his brother and how they had been their mother’s worst nightmare come true since the day they’d been born, raising hell together. You didn’t believe some stories but some you could only wish you had been there to see it. Molly sounded like a saint and you could tell Fred adored her even if he sometimes felt like him and George got brushed off by the family for their dreams. 

As Fred walked you back to your common room, you tucked against his side to save yourself from the cold, yes that was the only reason, you stopped at the painting, securing your fingers around his wrist before you disappeared into your room for the night. 

“You could do it, ya know,” You found your voice had become but a whisper and Fred leaned in to hear you. “You and George could open a shop, it’d be great, I’m sure of it,” 

The smile on his face was worth the comment you had thought about biting back. He looked genuinely surprised yet pleased. “I don’t tell many people about what our plans are,” Fred admitted and your chest swelled with pride. He trusted you. “Goodnight Y/N,” He said his farewells, ducking his head to press a lingering kiss to your cheek. 

You thought you could hear him laughing softly to himself at your boggled expression. 

Now what had you gotten yourself into? As you settled down for bed, you could feel Fred’s kiss burn against your cheek, the feeling lingering until sleep claimed you.

Tag List: @angelinathebook @thehumanistsdiary 

[justkeeptrekkin]

can I ask you what's jeeves and Wooster?

oh my god anon i’m so glad you asked

First of all, it is vitally important for me to let you know that it is all on YouTube!

Jeeves and Wooster is a British TV comedy set in the 1920s/1930s and is based on the amazing book series by P. G. Wodehouse. It features a Butler called Jeeves, who waits on a very lovely gentleman called Bertie Wooster. Bertie only owns about half a braincell.

Each episode is a new escapade, in which Bertie ends up in a totally absurd situation – trying to escape an arranged marriage, or perhaps stopping one of his equally stupid friends from doing something dangerous – and Jeeves has to help him get out of it. Because Bertie is genuinely too silly to have one sensible thought in his brain and can’t get himself out of anything.

Basically: butler inexplicably sticks around with himbo, possibly because he adores him. Many of us ship it. They’ve got that… ‘despairing but affectionate butler, who’s dedicated to the kind-hearted idiot’ vibe.

Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry play Jeeves and Wooster. Fry & Laurie are one of Britain’s iconic comedy duos (which is why it was confusing for us when Laurie ended up putting on an American accent and getting all grumpy for House MD). This show is, like, the pinnacle of British humour. If you like watching period/historical series, then you’ll love the music and fashion in this, as well.

It’s honestly the most comforting, silly, fun TV show ever.  

Two amazing blogs I can recommend for J& W content are @oscarwetnwilde​ for ALL the gifsets and screeshots, and @ohrather​​ for the cutest fanart that leaves me weeping

[thelordice]

Hi, I’m Going Mad

I have to talk about this.

This is going to be long. I’m going to ramble. Rant. Possibly even have a miniature breakdown before your very eyes as I set to words the thoughts that have hounded me for the last hour or more. Naturally, if you’re prone to being triggered by major depression, self-harm, cancer, and the like, you may want to steer clear.

Because this is me.

I desperately want to try to make someone understand who... understand what I am. It’s a long-accepted fact that I’m not human - we’ll get into the logic of that later. But I need to know what I am... to figure out what I’m missing.

My young life... I mean, it wasn’t great, but it could’ve been worse. I never got kidnapped or molested, only broke one bone - a leg over summer break being a stupid kid. But it was lonely. I was raised in a trailer park full of older folk. Occasionally they’d have grandchildren my age over and I’d be able to socialize. But that wasn’t often, and I wasn’t well liked in school. Not that it mattered, because friendships outside school were impossible - both my parents worked and alternated watching me, so I could never go anywhere. My dad was 43 when I was born, and my ‘Mom’ was an Italian alcoholic that got custody of me through a screwy situation the likes of which you’d only ever hear in Florida - she had no biological relation to me. She was my godmother by sole virtue of being my alcoholic mother’s favorite drinking buddy. I had a friend... then he moved away. And then a year later he died from an infected cut at the ripe old age of 8.

But for the most part... I had my Bionicles, I had my imagination, I had basic cable. It was okay. Mom busted her ass to keep food on the table. Never really realized how until she finally called it quits at 61. She had been getting sick for a while, but always put me first. Always refused to go to the doctor. And then she went. By then it was far too late. Stage 4 lung cancer, it had already metastasized to her brain. The X-Ray of her lungs looked like Swiss cheese. Sure, she smoked a pack a day for almost 50 years, this was bound to happen. But that didn’t make it any easier as I watched a combination of radiation therapy and chemo literally melt the woman that raised me before my very eyes. She died a month to the day after the diagnosis. When she went to the hospital, she was... not great, but she could walk. She could keep her chin up. When she died... she was hairless, so frail, and so pale... hadn’t risen from a bed in two weeks, hadn’t spoken intelligibly in a week and a half... dad pulled me out of school early one day to go see her. I guess he must’ve known. Maybe the VNA called him. I don’t know. But it was Friday, April 25, 2008. I was 14, in eighth grade. We went in, sat with her for a while. She woke up a few times, looked around... and she tried to speak. “I am not,” she said. Trying to say “I am not home.” Because she wanted to die at home. But we couldn’t take care of her, with everything going wrong. So she didn’t even have that in the end. We stayed a while longer, then my dad asked if I was ready to go, and I said yeah. We drove to the place a friend of Mom’s lived, dad told me we were staying the weekend. Unusual, we never did this. And when we got in the house...

The VNA had called her not long after we left. Fifteen minutes... she died fifteen minutes after we left. And it still hurts - the thought that I should have somehow known to stay longer, to at least not let her die alone, far from home...

Thank God I’m typing this.

Not long after that, the trailer park went under because the landlord was a cheap bastard, and we moved to the other side of town. I started high school... trends held. I had a few acquaintances, maybe even something approximating a friend or two. But I was bullied a lot, not well liked, you know how it goes. Of course, it usually doesn’t go to the point that you have a kid a grade higher than you tell you right before graduation that the only reason he started pretending to be my friend was because he thought I’d go Columbine and didn’t want to die. Senior year, I ponied up the pretty penny for a yearbook, and when it came in I set myself a task. I’d get the same few jibes yelled at me every day, from every direction, almost any time I was in the halls. So I put names to the faces, listed them all, just out of curiosity, to see how many. There were 126 that did it at least once a week - of all grades. My school had a population that year of 1,996. That’s 6.3% of the entire school population. Most kids with bully problems just have a few really nasty ones. I had dozens.

So I learned to push other people away. Because I knew I was a target, and I knew why. Because I always believed them when they said they wanted to be my friend, right up until the punchline came in. I was too gullible, too trusting. I cut myself off from everyone, walled myself off from emotion and human interaction as much as I could. I retained a circle of people I thought were friends - each wound up betraying me in the end, of course. But as I’d been building up all those nice safe walls... I had failed to know myself or my enemy, and I have lost the battle now.

Because I am an inherently loving person. I grow fond very quickly. I trust very easily. I care very deeply. And only very recently have I even started to form bonds that aren’t merely based on my being useful, or momentarily amusing. I hope.

But I’m so god damned scared. I know I’m not human. Humans are a communal species, if I were a member of them it wouldn’t have taken me 27 years to find a genuine friend... much less have been so thoroughly rejected in the one way that most hurts. Because I’m a very affectionate person. I want to love... and be loved.

I know, it sounds absurd. Stupid, silly, childish. But I’ve seen it - two of my current adoptive family have it (my brother who literally saved my life - mote on that later- and his wife), and I helped two of my friends in college meet each other - far as I’m aware they’re still together some seven years on. And... it’s what I want. It’s what I need. It’s what makes me ache when I see it, what makes me cry when I imagine myself having it because it seems so impossible. I can’t even get a human to like me, and now I expect to be genuinely loved? What fucking hubris...

But, I was naive, and gullible. I found someone I thought cared. That I thought did love me. And that led to the Four Years War. My first relationship... nearly ended with my death. My now-brother literally saved me from a death as a homeless penniless bum 700 miles from everything I’ve ever known. And now, because of that, because of the gaslighting I went through... my ex always used to throw up that I don’t know what love is. I’ve never had a real relationship, I don’t know what it’s like. What it feels like. And I thought I did. Now I’m so fucking scared that she was right. I’ve barely ever even had friends, how the fuck do I know what love feels like? And now, how can I trust what I thought was love? I’m so terrified to try and get the thing I need most because it could turn out just as bad or worse. And what if I’m just too damaged by all this shit to be loved now? What if I’m too crazy, too mentally broken for anyone to ever tolerate me? What if everything I feel is a lie? God damn it I’m praying for true love while questioning the very reality of my existence. I’m just so scared. I just want one person. I’ve been so scared to say that out loud for a long time because I don’t want bullshit pity dates that wind up hurting both parties. But there it is: I want to love. I want to be loved.

But I don’t know if that’s possible. If it will ever be possible. If I’m too far gone... or was never even close to start.