#i bought it for the full price back then but its 100% worth it

[larphis]

I’m usually not one for rpgs but I bought Disco Elysium back in Febuary and played it for about an hour afterwards until I was overwhelmed; but today I thought I’d give it another shot and HOLY SHIT is it good.

I’m only about 3 hours in and I’m very, very slow (haven’t even properly searched the corpse yet) but I would fucking die for Kim Kitsuragi and the fact that one (as far as I know) can’t romance him in this game is a major tragedy.

I love the soundtrack, the artstyle makes my heart as an amateur oil painter scream out of joy, the world’s lore makes me want to read a seperate book about the fictional history of Elysium and dude the whole Soviet-ish atmosphere and writing style? I am obsessed.

This will probably take me years to finish with huge amounts of breaks in between because of overstimulation but, heck, I’ll be damned because I will finish this game even if it takes me a decade.

[obscenely-overdue]

[OOC] Weighted Pregnant Belly Instructions

Hi everyone! For those interested, I've jerry-rigged a method to pad/simulate/wear-a-fake-pregnant-tummy-for-kink-purposes with some real weight and firmness to it that I think people would like! It works very well for me but is also functionally a prototype/first pass at the idea, so there are certainly areas that it could be improved. (which is me saying "experiment and improve upon this, we can make it better!")

I'll preface this with the fact that, if you pay full price for everything involved, assuming you have NONE of it to start, it's probably about $120. That said, about $20-25 of that comes from a specific kind of pillow and blanket, which you very well may have, which would bring it realistically down to $100, and some of it is stuff which can be bought on sale pretty easily, which would land you in the neighborhood of $80. Again, it isn't cheap, but it has something not even a fancy Roanyer tummy has:

WEIGHT and BULK

It's also made of inconspicuous or otherwise easily hidden items, so if you have roommates or family who could see this stuff, it's great at being tucked away or hiding in plain sight. If you're curious, I have pictures, a shopping list, and step by step instructions, as well as some further tips and info. It's pretty long so I'm putting it under a cut...

Let's get started!

What you'll need:

One piece of fully body shapewear (the mauve one on top) and one piece of "tummy tuck" shapewear (black on the bottom). The full body one is about 2 sizes too big for what it's meant to do normally (so for me, an XXXL. This is the same shapewear I use for my squishmallow tummy for RP blog pictures), and the tummy tuck one is the "correct" size for my body (XL). The tummy tuck one gives you all the support, so you don't want it too oversized. DON'T GO UNDERSIZED EITHER as what we're going to load this up with is gonna cause some compression, and too much pressure on your abdomen can be harmful. When in doubt, go at your size or maybe one size bigger, but no farther. Both of these run $20-30 a piece at a target but also can be found on sale for $10-20. Target is going to charge you more than Walmart, and it doesn't have to be top of the line.

One soft, round pillow. This is like a $6 pick up from Walmart. It's not just soft from it's fabric, but it's specifically not firm to the touch. It's all give and is very malleable. Technically you could use a regular pillow too, but this being roughly disk shaped helps it do its job as basically the "lower belly" that keeps the weight from shifting too low.

An averaged sized blanket. Softer materials that fold and bunch up easier are preferred. You PROBABLY already have something that will work for this, but if you don't, again, Walmart will charge you like $15-20 for one.

And finally...

A 20 lbs kettlebell. This BASTARD is the single most expensive thing you'll need, and unfortunately is required if you want it to be properly heavy. This one came from Target, and ran me $55. You might think you want to go heavier, but trust me, this thing has all the heft you'll need. If you really want to, you could feasibly go for a 25 lbs. one, but those are even more expensive. The kettlebell shape is important because it's mostly round, unlike a dumbbell, so we can wrap it up and use it for a reasonably pregnant-shaped belly. A dumbbell of this weight might be a little cheaper, but if you're already going to drop $40 on an oddly shaped weight, another $15 so it can fit the tummy shape is worth it.

Putting it on:

[DISCLAIMER: If at any point something HURTS while putting this thing on or while wearing it, safely but quickly remove it. The weight is supposed to be cumbersome and a little uncomfortable for the fantasy of it, but if anything HURTS, something is wrong, and you need to take it off. If you lay on your back with this thing on for too long, get ready for ab muscle aches, possibly the next day, as your tummy will be supporting 20 lbs of external weight just pressing on it, and those muscles don't get used unless you work out. I've never worn this thing overnight to sleep, but I don't advise it, as extended period of compression can be harmful. Same logic as to why AFAB people who don't want visible boobs shouldn't bind for too long.]

Start by putting on the fully body shapewear, and then putting the tummy tuck shapewear over that. The fabric under my shapewear here is my sports bra, which isn't part of the belly process.

Next you're going to load the soft, round pillow into the full body shapewear. It's going to kind of fold in on itself and that's not an issue, if anything it gives a nice little landing zone for the next thing we're going to add.

Don't fight trying to get the pillow under the tummy tuck shapewear, right now just roll it down to your waistline under the pillow bulk like so.

Next you'll take your blanket, lay it out, set the kettlebell inside of it, and wrap/bunch it up. You want it something approximating 'round', making sure the kettlebell isn't going to roll/fall out when you pick it up.

Next, you load the wrapped up bastard in, setting it on top of the pillow. The kettlebell is going to shift, and try to sink deeper, that's fine, just maneuver it so it sits on the pillow, allowing the pillow to spread the weight more evenly.

Before you pull up the tummy tuck shapewear, it's going to look like this, notice how the bottom of it is lighter because that's all pillow, with the blanket over top.

Now comes of trickiest/most strenuous part, you gotta pull out the tummy tuck shapewear and get it out and around the bulk of your "tummy". You'll have an easier time if you pull the back part up a little first, so it's not fighting you, which you can see in the above photos. If anything starts to hurt during this process, stop and take it out, because likely something is too tight or too heavy.

Once the tummy tuck shapewear is pulled all the way up, it should look about like this, and you're loaded up and ready to waddle!

Notice how much more contained it all is? It's not spilling off of me anymore, it's firmly held against me. Now, just top with your favorite maternity shirt!

Or don't!

Now, clearly, it doesn't LOOK very pregnant. It's lumpy and awkward and it'll come out downright lopsided your first few times. But this isn't for taking pictures for an RP blog, this is for simulating something close to the feeling of carrying something heavy like a pregnant belly around. For those of us who can't or don't want to actually get pregnant, this is a decent approximate that's reasonable to buy and easily hidden. This is for nights after everyone else is in bed or you're home alone, and it can be a LOT of fun.

Great, now what do I do with it?

This is the end of the instructions and is more just ideas for some fantasy fulfillment. Feel free to drop your own ideas in replies or reblogs!

So something that sets this belly apart from just a pillow, or bunched up clothes under your shirt, is that it's very firm, and independently held against you. A pillow under your shirt is dependent on the shirt for structure. If you lift the shirt, pillow falls off. That is not the case here, so suddenly, you've unlocked the ability to put on too small clothes, or button ups, or robes, whatever, that's too small for you now, and can fuss and mess with it without affecting the stability of the belly. You can wear pants that don't button or simply bunch up under that heavy, firm underbelly. Hell, you can simulate getting dressed with a 20 lbs mass hanging off of you. Put on socks around this thing, it's the stuff of preg kink dreams!

Getting up and down, laying in bed and rolling over, the shit that's easy to do now, takes a LOT more effort all of the sudden. Again, I urge you not to lay flat on your back too much, because I did that while padding before bed, and woke up with some muscle aches centered on my tummy, in muscles that I hadn't used in god knows how long. Don't over exert yourself with this thing. I'm bringing this up a lot because I don't want anyone getting hurt.

Taking the stairs is nuts. Going up is way more effort, and going down feels almost hazardous as you wont have vision of your feet anymore.

If you're into the domesticity of pregnancy, try doing some household chores with this thing on! Loading a dishwasher, doing some laundry, maybe some tidying. I personally have found it weirdly exhilarating, waddling around loading the washing machine around this heavy bulk. Have fun bending over to pick up something you dropped!

Even just chilling and gaming with a lap full of heavy belly feels kind of new and exciting. When you're not used to it, even the mundane shit gets hotter with a tummy like this

That's about all I got. If someone else gets everything and tries this out, let me know your experiences with it and how you've improved it! I've had an ask suggest a weighted medicine ball, so that could also work if you have one you're willing to test out. Please enjoy, and share with your pregnancy loving mutuals! Thanks for reading!!!

[bambamramfan]

A fun read, even if you don't entirely agree with the thesis. Full of delightfully illustrated examples. I'd rate it 75% correct.

I'd add examples of what it used to be like going to used bookstores looking for that one out of print book, vs searching amazon now. Or what I previously wrote about World of Warcraft optimization.

For the other 25%, well...

Sam Kriss wrote a while ago about the death of hipsters.

The hipster was an information-sorting algorithm: its job was to always have good taste. The hipster listened to bands you’d never heard of. The hipster drank beers brewed by Paraguayan Jesuits in the 1750s. The hipster thought Tarkovsky was for posers, and the only truly great late-Soviet filmmaker was Ali Khamraev. The hipster bought all his toilet paper from a small-batch paper factory in Abkhazia that included small fragments of tree bark in the pulp. The hipster swam deep into the vastness of human data, and always surfaced with pearls. Through its powers of snobbery and disdain, the hipster could effortlessly filter out what was good.

Almost any economist will tell you, that information gathering is just a different sort of price people pay for products. They can pay $300 up front for a good experience, or they can spend hours scouring and networking to find a similar quality experience for $100. If they find these two bundles equivalent, then that information gathering labor was worth $200 to them.

The difference is, when the naive consumer just pays *someone gets those extra $200*, whereas if the information gathering is labor (big if), then that extra labor doesn't actually pay anyone, and the world is just $200 of effort worse off. So, cetera paribus, it's better if everyone knows all the good places and at least the local industry is reaping the surplus.

So this is the death knell of hipsters, as all the information they had to seek out is accessible by everyone and just goes into rents for the producers.

...

Except we know from experience, it doesn't *really* work like that. For one, a lot of us ENJOY the hipster information gathering experience. It's a fun activity in moderation, and we even develop an identity for having a personal research base to use as a resource. How do you calculate the labor surplus lost if you're having fun? Well, I'm sure the economists can find some way to.

The other problem is that Freddie is only talking about a certain class of hipsters. The same ones Sam refers to in his essay. You can look at it as a sort of pyramid.

Top: quasi-autistic savants who are on Discords talking about secret places, or going out and mapping territories themselves.

Middle: hipsters who casually seek out new things they heard about and report back in indy magazine columns.

Bottom: the great mass who do one google search and flock to whatever they are told "the best deal" is.

(Now it's more complex than that. To be honest these three are probably only the top 25% of people, and the real base of the pyramid has no idea what any of this is about. And there's networks and lines of communication between the different layers. But you get the idea.)

For a while in the 90's and 00's, being a hipster became easier, and maybe that middle layer grew a bit in both directions. And then in the 10's the process Freddie describes ramped up, and so the value of just being a middle-tier hipster shrunk again.

But there are still a lot of secrets out there. You just have to be a much more dedicated information gatherer. Being in the top tier - which in travel might be as simple as driving places instead of flying to them IME - will still find you things where no one else is there.

This month I'm going to visit the cement factory where they filmed scifi movies like the Crowe and Super Mario Bros, and I expect to be the only one there.

[less-than-three-3]

Cereza and the Lost Demon is so beautiful

I’m going to be totally honest, I partially bought this game out of spite because people were being really annoying about how “it didn’t look worth the price” and “it isn’t bayonetta so it’s bad :/” (I was interested in it too but that definitely catalyzed it lol)

Were they right? Ok, I think it’s kind of a cop out answer, but I think “if this type of game looks up your alley” then it totally is worth it, and it really carves its niche out fairly well. No it’s not bayonetta but like.... obviously not lmao? Funnily enough, actually, amidst the revival of the dumb “give me back old zelda” with totk on the horizon, I think this game hits a lot of the notes of the more linear temple-centric zeldas... 

It’s also a very pretty game in many ways, honestly possibly one of the most aesthetically appealing games on the switch overall, though I do have my gripes with gameplay. Full thoughts below, with minor spoilers so be warned.

I’m just going to start with what I loved about it, because if I dig into the gameplay first it’ll come off worse than it is, because my only real complaints were gameplay-related. The music was absolutely gorgeous and always so fitting, and the adaptations of music from the mainline games to this new aesthetic were done excellently. It might honestly be my favorite bayonetta soundtrack, and I really like those soundtracks. From fully orchestrated, lush environments, to more jovial lighthearted moments, to serious heartwrenching developments, the soundtrack covers everything so well. 

The art, too, was great. In addition to the painted artstyle, they do the thing that I fucking love in animation where there’s like a still textured background, and as the characters move, they like, move past the background? I don’t know what to call it, and the internet doesn’t know what to call it, but if you’ve seen Chowder or Gankutskuou you know exactly what I’m talking about lol. The painted aesthetic also lends itself to like actually creative uses more than just looking pretty too, most notably a part at the very end that was so touching, when you play it you’ll know what I mean. If there’s any small nitpick it’s just that the storybook format of cutscenes leads to just a few “stiff” moments? But it’s like totally understandable. 

That said, I loved the cozy storybook narration and framing, and I honestly don’t really get when people say it’s tonally inconsistent with bayonetta (I’m going to avoid the worst case explanation of this). The mythological vibes, for lack of a better word, are still extremely present, so people must just dislike that it’s a story about Cereza as a young girl? Because like obviously she isn’t going to be a badass, sexy witch as like, a 12 year old, but it’s not like the game moves the needle in the complete opposite direction and becomes a super cutesy wholesome 100 vibe. The vibe is, like I said, cozy, mythical, maybe whimsical, and yeah it’s at a slightly slower pace than the mainline games, but it’s not so out of the question, especially for a game exploring the journey of a young Cereza.

Her journey is not the deepest thing in the world, really, and it is kind of in part due to the set up of the game, where you have to collect these four elemental cores to unlock powers and get to the heart of the forest. Kind of like zelda, in a way. There are a couple twists and turns, but I think the main element is the growth of Cereza and Cheshire, independently and together. There are some tropey elements for sure, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t still tear up after certain events occur.

And speaking of zelda, I really felt like the overall gameplay loop was very reminiscent of that kind of style, but with a twist. As you traverse through each region, there are obstacles that serve as “puzzles” to solve to continue your path forward, sometimes using some mechanic that you may get in the future (there are literally bomb flowers lol), and then you get the upgrade, and solve more puzzles or traverse new types of land with the powers you unlocked. And of course, there are Tir na nOgs which, like literally everyone says, are pretty much semi-required shrines from BotW. Many of them presented interesting puzzles, some of them were just like tests of strength?? (like botw!) And of course this is all on top of the unique control scheme of controlling both Cereza and Cheshire with each side of the controller which certainly takes a good bit to get used to. The parts where you have both characters separately doing different tasks were really fun.

But, honestly, I felt like there wasn’t enough of that. Like I said there was a lot of combat trials, and honestly, even though I really did enjoy the combat, I almost wished there was less of it? There is a lot of fluidity possible between the 5 different stances Cheshire can get, and light and heavy combos, as well as bind combos, but besides that the enemies were hardly really that threatening (outside the bosses, which were certainly very cool fights) so it just felt more like an annoyance beyond the honeymoon period after I unlock a new skill. And it felt like it took away time from doing puzzles, which I wouldn’t call sparse but I would call just a little deficient. Maybe it’s because it’s relatively short, or the difficulty was designed to a younger audience? And as a result, I really didn’t feel like I wanted to go back to find the other Tir na nOgs, because their main reward was getting spirit orbs fragments of health, which I didn’t really feel was super necessary. And that’s a shame, because maybe I did miss out on some really cool puzzles. There are also upgrade materials for special skills Cereza and Cheshire can get, but I felt like I more or less got the ones I got from the materials I could get more conveniently. Overall it just kind of felt, both from a combat and puzzle standpoint, that they could have and maybe should have really fleshed it out more and get those gears turning. 

I also just would like to mention that the opening of the game felt glacially slow. Not just like introductory stuff, but pretty much everything until your skill tree gets unlocked (and you get your first elemental core relatively soon thereafter). I think I get why, because they not only want to actually set the exposition and I felt that was paced fine, but also let people get used to the dual stick movement once you get to control Cheshire. But man the base combat without any additional upgrades is not that interesting, and the very early puzzles were, obviously, pretty simple to ease you into it. I absolutely think after that part, things start to really open up and feel much much better, but that opening segment has gotta be like, a couple hours or so. 

Besides those gripes, though, I do think it’s at least a very visually pretty game with great music and a cozy story and setting, and the gameplay, if you’re vaguely interested in a game like this, definitely works well. While the extra chapter of this game does tie into Bayonetta 3, a game that I actually still haven’t played and am not planning to play soon, oops, the actual main story is fully independent. So regardless of if you’ve played a bayo game or not, if you think you’d like it, or if you’re one of those people who just really really wants old dungeons back in zelda, then I’d recommend it. Not my favorite, but a solid spinoff that I think they could really expand upon.

[thepowerisyouth]

This started as a simple rant about gift cards but is probably turning into my master post on the lost story of the corporate gift card valuation crisis.

Starts as the simple rant but gets more technical in economics and accounting as it goes on- so fair warning.

-----

Gift cards are often thought of as a boring, low effort gift, although more polite than cash. Plenty of good reasons why they are a bad gift from a thoughtfulness standpoint, but I'm going to focus on the financial value.

Adult humans that live under capitalism are generally, learnedly able to understand the time value of money, even if they cant physically execute the calculations on paper. If you dont believe me, just trust me-- its how all of economics works. We are generally able to value things very well according to our own subconscious estimations.

This is not to say people who receive a gift card are just focused on the dollar figure, however I think the financial frustration lies with the fact that, inherently a $25 gift card is worth less than $25 cash. Probably a lot less

-------

As a present, gift cards remind me, actually, of the stereotype of a grandparent buying their descendents, "war bonds", but somehow gift cards are even worse.

Sorry this is going to be a long explanation of why gift cards suck--

A war bond, which is now simply called a US Treasury bill or bond, is a 'redeemable certificate', which allows the current owner to be sure that the dollar amount (face value) shown on the certificate will be granted, plus interest accumulated from the point of issue until the present date, and the note is redeemable early in most common cases, and is redeemable at most banks or financial institutions around the world. Well... they might not now but they are supposed to

Section 1. Bond overviews

These Treasury bonds are just debt that the US government, i.e. the taxpayers, have to pay back to whoever purchased this bond.

Economics is intended to be confusing to understand, an example of this being how they love to make it hard to understand that every time you hear about bonds and interest rates they are talking about gambling with our public taxpayer debt. Calling it "buying bonds" makes it seem more normal investy stuff

Anyway-- so this is debt right? Well like all debt, it requires a good credit score, and collateral. The official term is "backed by the full faith and credit of the United States Government"

In summary of this section using numbers:

If you get a treasury bond that says $100 & 5% annual interest, the Treasury department guarentees you can receive $100 amount in the future (maturity date), as well as $5 per year for your troubles, unless the US government is toast at any point.

If the holder sells the bond prematurely on the 'secondary market'--which is the clever term for the stock market for bonds-- they might get more or less than the "face value" depending on current interest rates, if those current rates differ from the interest rate set on the bond at hand.

---

Section 2: Basic Bond Valuation

So using previous example, the face value of $100, and that only comes back from the treasury department on maturity day (up to 30 years away now for long term bonds)

So in the meantime, people "trade" (gamble most of the time) those bonds on the market. Cause why the fuck not?

---

Most of the time, in a non inflationary environment, bonds with expiration dates of less than 5 years do not change price much at all in this 'secondary market'.

Why? Well--

In an inflationary environment (only recent examples are 1970s & 2020s) most bonds are decreasing in value, with the lowest interest rate bonds decreasing the most. Every other period has bond prices generally flat (so you still get the 5% interest) or trending up

The economic mechanics behind what lowers bond prices in high interest rate environments is pretty simple-- if I have a 30 year loan the government owes me, with 5% annual interest, and the guy who bought the same 30 year bond back in 2017 only got 2% interest, then I have an inherently more valuable loan or bond.

Going to start circling back to gift cards-- A 0% bond is only worth more than a negative interest bond.

(looking at you japan they were briefly paying banks 0.5% interest to borrow money from the government. As in a -0.5% interest loan)

Okay gift cards time

$25 Gift card = corporate bond of face value $25, with 0% interest, and is only redeemable in person at the companies restaurant with immediate purchase of their product

A gift card is identical then to the boring "war bond" gift, except that:

1) it can only be redeemed at their limited locations in person, and only with immediate purchase of their product or service

2) this certificate does not accrue any interest, which means that from a value standpoint its guarenteed to lose value over time unless interest rates are below 0% like japan had

------

Again, most people are very capable of understanding that the value of a 0% corporate bond which cannot be easily sold is worth less than the face value-- much less. Just most people probably dont have the experience in finance to put to words why exactly that situation is so frustrating from a financial standpoint

What a stupid gift, cash is way better.

Especially in an inflationary environment like the 2020s. my god the valuation loss of all the gift cards recently is incalculablely enormous

It would be a very snarky, not nice response to being gifted a gift card if the receiver replies back that the technical market value of this $25 gift card is actually $14.75 due to the current globally high interest rate environment in addition to the company having a BBB Moody's credit rating rather than a perfect AAA

I'm very, very tempted to do a sample valuation of a random hypothetical gift card to reinforce this point, but valuations arent quick and I already know it would take me half the day just researching the numbers to put together for it

----

I had no idea I was going to have this much to say but we're on edit #4 to this post Im gonna keep going:

The inflation of the 2020s has led to the largest (by dollar value and probably other metrics) corporate bond valuation crash of the.. ever

But corporate bonds are mostly held by the upper middle class & higher, as well as other corporations. So of course we hear them crying about their loss of wealth. Easiest example can be found by looking for the annual returns on an ETF which trades only corporate bonds. They got fucked in 2021 and arent back yet

What I'm getting at is that most poor people do not own individual bonds-- its just not really something that makes sense as a poor person.

Back to poor people's wealth--

Someone who has a retirement funds might invest in corporate bonds through that fund. But dont get me started on how complicated those funds investment strategies are to mitigate the risk (but yes they arent good at risk mitigation lose value a lot from dumb preventable mistakes).

And also looking at 5 yr price charts for many retirement funds, the ones with more corporate bond holdings have done way worse than their peers in the retirement fund game who put more money in stocks over that period

Poor people do, however, give each other gift cards... a lot. Weve kind of been told for a long time that its a more appropriate gift than cash. I wonder whod want us to think that. Maybe the corporations who are getting away with selling hard-to-redeem junk bonds as "gift cards"?

Likewise with all corporate bonds lately, the total balance of gift cards issued & held by the general public is larger than it has ever been in prior decades like the 1970s. There was issues with gift cards then, just the total amount was much, much less

Except probably not anymore-- only the face value being reported on their financial statements is that high, as accounting standards do not require companies to regularly value their gift card balances at market value. They are allowed to report it at face value, until it is removed from their balance sheet and resolved as pure income. Not 100% sure the GAAP guidance for it, but I know they dont HAVE to specifically mark down gift cards as they dont have expiration dates. I know that if a company did need to mark down that debt balance for whatever reason, the only way to lower that balance is by calling it "other income".

So poor people have felt a multi-billion dollar loss of wealth from gift card values, which is obviously not ever going to be studied or talked about cause who the fuck cares about poor people

And when that loss does get "realized" from an accountant standpoint-- it would be considered income for the fucking corporations.

Actually reminds me of Starbucks class action about the gift card balance. Lot to dig into there but thats more because of their extra predatory practices around redeeming it

[ethien]

I started playing Miitopia on Switch...for Meme reasons.

I already beat the game on 3DS on almost 100%, so I wasnt really happy about the port. Like damn, they just add a horse, make-up and wig options and little day trips. That isnt an addition worth a full price for a port.

So last week, I had these weird desire for something dump, and Miitopia was in sale. So I bought it, and here I am saying:

It’s fun with the additions.

Dont get me wrong, I am still not amused they offer this port game with small add-ons for full price. If you’re interested in the game, pls buy it in sale.

The gameplay system is still the same with only guiding your mii, the rest is up to the game. They still have the shitty monsters with their one-shot kill move. The jokes will be repreated, and its ass fucking grindy. 

Lets go back to my origin topic: For Meme reasons.

Instead of putting friends and family into mii, I choose some characters from persona 5, persona 5 strikers and persona 3. 

And oh boi, it is so hilarious dump, I love it. 

Like my first group were Joker (Thief), Akechi (Popstar) and Yusuke (Priest). The second were Akihiko (Cat), Mitsuru (Devil) and Shinjiro (Cook), and the third were Sophia (Flower), Ryuji (Tank) and Fuuka (Scientist). 

I can recommend doing a meme game round bc it delivers me some silly headcanon.

[thebraingremlinsaremad]

Daily Blog #15: August 22, 2021

Dollar Tree is honestly pretty fucking awesome 👌👌👌

I set my alarm for like 6:25 this morning, but it took 6 minutes for the "Horsin' Around" theme song instrumental to wake me up. I was pretty tired lol. I just dismissed it and went back to sleep.

I only went back to sleep because I knew I had another alarm set for 7:00. That got me up.

I should mention that this was still in the RV over an hour away from the house.

After I got up, I went to go get a shower, and did so successfully.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten my brush this time and had to do it afterwards after my hair had a bit of time to dry, which did make it a little more difficult lol.

I got dressed and grabbed my stuff, putting it into my car.

I made it a point to see and say "see you later" to my grandparents before I left for the flea market.

My dad insisted that I stayed to say goodbye to my mom, so I left.

I did NOT have cell service up there, as was mentioned in my previous 2 blogs of which I could only post today, so finding my way was a tiny bit difficult until I got some service to ask Google to take me to "...".

It worked and I got there.

On my drive, I listened to 1 by Simple Kid, a CD I had previously purchased at a Dollar Tree location.

I got a call from the guy at the flea market saying that I had some people there waiting for me. He asked how far away I was, to which I said "about 10 minutes." Ironically, that call made me miss my exit, as Google couldn't talk during the call, and added about 3 minutes to my arrival time lmao.

I did sell the Xbox that he said someone was interested in. I got $40 for it. I spent 27¢ on it. Pretty good return if you ask me.

I couldn't sell it with anything other than a power cord because the controller and AV cables I had been using to play it there were for my personal console. I'm just glad I can actually hook my Xbox up and stop having to drag them to the flea market along with a small library of games.

Not too long after I sold the Xbox, someone came in and asked if I wanted to see some electronics he had in his car. I went out with him. It was a pair of 3ft speakers and a Pioneer audio system with dual cassette decks (although neither of them works) and a 25 Disc CD-changer, as well as the standard AM/FM tuner. Additionally, there was a Fisher amplifier and AM/FM tuner as well as a Fisher Direct Drive turntable. He said he wanted $60 for em, but before that he casually, and probably accidentally, dropped that he was just gonna take em to the thrift store.

Big mistake.

I got em for $35 lmao. THERE GOES MOST OF MY PROFIT.

Oh well.

I tested everything. As I mentioned, the cassette decks don't work, but everything else does apart from the turntable needing a new stylus.

I posted some new photos of the shop to Facebook, and someone soon DMed me about a stereo system.

I priced everything, and it turns out I have about $300 worth of equipment from that deal, the Fisher amp and tuner being worth about $150.

The buyer will hopefully show up next weekend, for he wants to buy the Fisher stuff ($185 with the turntable), the 3ft speakers, an 8-track deck, and a Kenwood deck we've had for a week or two.

The speakers are listed for $50 (and are worth around $100-150), the Kenwood Deck for $50 as well, and the 8-track for $35. That makes it about $320 in equipment. Since he's buying so much, I'll knock it down to $270 and essentially give him the speakers or cassette deck for free lol.

Apart from that stuff, not much happened at the flea market. I sold some records, cassettes, CDs and I think 2 DVDs. One person bought a VHS tape? That money was the other guy's though. Oh well xD.

I can't say that I didn't miss my wonderful partner while on the trip. I actually brought along the stuffed animal they gave me (who's name is Greg) and snuggled with him both nights.

I was very happy to hear from them UwU.

They let me rant and I let them rant.

I honestly give them too much responsibility over me xD. I'm like, "Okay, I'm gonna do this. HOLD ME TO IT."

I know I can't hold myself to anything I personally say (this blog being the only exception apparently), but I listen to them pretty well I think 🤔. If they tell me, "No, you don't need that VCR," so long as it's not some weird specialty thing, like a worldwide VCR 🥵, I'll be like "Yeah, you rite bro."

I love you man xD. You control my craziness pretty well. I'm so thankful for you UwU.

#relationshipgoals

So part way through the flea market day, I went over to Dollar Tree to buy some snack, but ended up looking through the CDs to see if there was anything good. I took photos of about 18 CDs and flipped through them online for the remainder of the flea market day.

I deleted the photos of the ones I didn't want and kept those that I liked. Surprisingly, I ended up buying 13 CDs there, but not before dropping them on the floor like the dumbass I am.

Also, sorry for all the nerd shit I spilled on your lap earlier. No one cares about amps and tuners xD.

I'M LISTENING TO ONE OF THE DOLLAR TREE CDS RIGHT NOW THO.

I already transferred over to my online library on iBroadcast and put the disc into my CD changer, which is now holding 164 CDs.

Its max capacity is 300 discs 🥵

WHY AM I NERD

Oh well

I like being a nerd gurl

Also maybe a technosexual 👀

I get really excited over some electronics. Like. REALLY excited.

Some editing VCRs are like "Holy shit that is SEXY. Look at those goddamn VU meters 🥵. And hhhh there are like 7 inputs on this thing and individual controls for left and right audio gain, not to mention Hi-Fi S-VHS recording. Hhhhhhhhhhh please gimme 😭. Why are you so expensive?"

I uh, mean, uh, *cough* look, pretty lights.

Oh yeah, I was gonna say the album I was listening to xD. MAN I GOT SIDETRACKED.

It's 37 Everywhere by Punchline. Def give it a listen; it's pretty heccin good.

Another notable album I picked up was Page One by Steven Page. I very much like the first track, "A New Shore." It's quite catchy and he has a great voice imo.

Also at dollar tree, I bought a regular bag of Fieras and 2 bags of Fieras Sticks, which were marked down to 75¢/bag because they're expiring soon.

I honestly like the generic Dollar Tree version of Takis more than actual Takis. They're a lot more flavorful when it comes to the lime, but also hotter at the same time.

Don't get the hot nacho ones tho. Hot nacho? More like hot pile of shit.

HAH

Goteem.

They're not that good xD.

THE REGULAR ONES ARE FIRE THO

"How do you do fellow kids?"

I got home and started working on putting the CDs onto my computer, and then onto iBroadcast, but not without first adding The Music Man to my digital library, something I had neglected for a month or two. The CD had just been sitting there lol.

I also switched my digital file for "The Black Parade" to that of the uncensored CD, which I had purchased before I event started working over 2 months ago.

MAN I'M LAZY

I eventually get around to shit tho lol. I guess it's just a matter of priority.

What usually takes priority is digging through everything to find something that I forgot about but then remembered, making a mess in the process that I would then have to clean up, at least partially.

I think the album just ended. I've been writing for a while xD. I'ma start "I Made You Something" by The Island of the Misfit Toys.

I'll tell you where that album came from in a minute.

In the meantime, where was I?

I kinda lost my train of thought despite reading up to see where I was. Oh well. On I go.

I ate dinner and kept working on those CDs, eventually putting my clothes from the week into the washer.

I FORGOT TO PUT MY SHAPING UNDERWEAR IN. FUCKING HELL MAN.

I wanted to wash em for this week 😭

No tight pants for Leonna I guess qwq.

Meanwhile, the box of my CD album cases is overflowing. I need another box.

I keep all of the album artworks in a big CD folder. That's almost full.

I wanna fill my entire CD changer. That's one of my big goals in life. Idk why, but I just wanna legitimately fill the entire thing.

My clothes are in the dryer now. I don't think I have the time (or energy) to fold them tonight. I'll leave that for tomorrow morning before work.

And God. Fucking. Damnit. I start school again on Wednesday. NOT looking forward to that, and neither are my 2 coworkers. We already have low enough staff, but only the two of them working is gonna be a pain in the ass.

I'll still work Saturdays.

I need to contact my guidance counselor to get out of the gym class I signed up for. I scheduled this shit before I found out I was trans, and I don't wanna deal with the fucking locker room situation 🙄 I have far more important matters.

Okay so anyway, the album I'm listening to came from a cassette. I bought this cassette a few months ago at the flea market along with a few others. The reason I bought them? They were all newer cassette releases from the 2010's, and they're all actually pretty good music from very indie bands.

Currently getting mad at iBroadcast's compression algorithm. It's unnaturally fucking anything over -10db up. Oh well, there's not really anything I can do about it.

I have like 13GB of music on my phone btw. That's about 3.5k songs on 268 albums.

I'm kind of an audiophile, but I'm too cheap to pay for a lossless service. Oh well.

They do actually have a lossless service on iBroadcast, but once again, too cheap.

Someone just sent me a friend request who legitimately posted that BLM and the democratic party are hate groups.

BLOCK.

Goodbye ho.

I don't get that. They call the democratic party a hate group when they hate people like me, and I, being more of a democrat although not fully because the 2-party system is fucked, think nothing more of them than they're very wrong about certain things, especially, as shown, that black people, as well as asian, Indian, native, and people of all ethnicities and backgrounds, are not equal to white people.

Yeh.

Totally.

You go buddy.

Anyway, yeah, I can, and do, convert music and video from analog formats to digital files in order for me to archive and listen to whenever and wherever I please. I've actually made a bit of a business out of it, but I don't get too much work from it. At least I'm not overloading myself xD.

I honestly have so much more to say, but I should probably go to sleep soon.

A few final shoutouts to the following people and companies:

-Dollar Tree

-Steven Page

-Broken World Media

-The Island of Misfit Toys

-Simple Kid

-Punchline

-My incredible partner QwQ I love you so much. Thanks for being the best all the time. I hope I can give you the best life ever.

Anyway I suppose this is goodnight. Lmk if you want a full list of the CDs I bought today! I'll link that song by Steven Page here.

And here's a good song from Simple Kid

I really like music lol. Enjoy these pieces.

Anyway, goodnight lol.

Lots of love,

-Leonna.

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[adrenalineguide]

Nissan Versa SR: Putting fun in your drive

Words and Pics By Michael Hozjan

“What’s that daddy?”

“Well that’s a car son, a sedan more precisely”

“What’s a car?”

“Before everyone started driving large all-wheel-drive station wagons that you know as SUVS and crossovers, almost everyone drove cars. They also had manual transmissions. ”  

“It looks so streamlined. What’s a manual transmission?”

All right, I’m stretching it a bit, but can you honestly say this isn’t what our future may look like, especially with more and more manufacturers sending their sedans the way of the dodo. Thank God the off shore manufacturers still give us choices.

Either way it was good, no great, to give up some seat time in an SUV and get into a bona fide gas miser, a low sitting sedan, that after months of SUVs and the like, even the Versa feels like a sporty vehicle. Yes I know I’m not talking sports cars but you don’t need three hundred horses to enjoy driving, and the Versa offers a good amount of driving enjoyment.

Although the Versa was redesigned in 2019, it took a while for it to make it’s way to the Canadian market, and if you’re lucky enough not to have bought your latest ride last year, well than the wait was well worth it. Once about as exciting to look at as paint drying Nissan’s re-penned compact is eye catching, dare I go so far as to say alluring.  It’s the latest of Nissan’s sedan fleet to get the new corporate look and as a result has come out on top.    

Nissan’s signature V-Motion grille flows into the new sleek headlights leading the eye down the side to the back. It’s a sophisticated look, particularly in my Scarlet Ember testers pallet.  

You can get into a Versa S with the manual 5-speed gearbox for as little as $18,283. Opting for the CVT version will cost you another fifteen hundred dollars. Go for the $21,283 SV and you get the 7” multimedia touchscreen, and heated front seats. The $22,783 SR gives you remote start, 17” wheels, LED headlights and intelligent climate control.  

Affordable pricing doesn’t translate to minimalist, there’s a slew of unprecedented active safety features as standard equipment (intelligent emergency braking with pedestrian detection, lane-departure warning, rear intelligent emergency brake assist, stops the car if the driver doesn’t brake for an obstacle while backing up) while blind-spot monitoring with rear cross-traffic alert are standard on the SV and SR.

Anteing up the compact sedan segment, Nissan has given the interior a once over as well, completely separating it from its past. Orange accent stitching on the seats and dash give the SR a sporty look.  

“This is a Versa!” exclaimed my girlfriend, “It’s big.”

In fact the Versa has grown in length and width, giving it an airy greenhouse. The interior shows a level of maturity, and not the boy racer appearance of its closest rival. There’s a combination of soft and hard touch surfaces, well laid out controls, a leather wrapped D-shaped steering wheel and superbly supportive heated buckets all scored high for interior ergonomics.

As roomy as the interior is, two full size adults should fit nicely in the back seat, the trunk is huge, dwarfing many crossovers with 15 cu.ft. of grocery getting space.

Under the front hood, a 122 horsepower 1.6L DOHC inline four with 114 lb-ft of torque supplies the go power for the Versa. As I said earlier you don’t need three hundred ponies to have fun, the Versa’s throttle response is crisp allowing for some off-the-line fun. Nissan has given the CVT pre-selected shift points making this CVT feel/behave more like a real automatic. Switching to Sport Mode bumps up the revs and further sharpens the CVT character, only adding to the fun factor. Regular readers know I prefer a clutch and I do wish Nissan would give me a choice of having a manual in the SR, but this CVT is the next best thing.

The SR impresses with its road mannerisms, isolating you from road imperfections with a smooth ride. Yet there’s a sporty trait to this sedan with good steering feel, spot on brakes and a minimum amount body roll thanks to the anti-roll bars.

We got hit with a wet, slushy snowfall (as evidenced by the white stuff on the back bumper in the pic above) and the Versa took it in stride. The 205/50R17 T XL Continental VikingContact 7 winter rubber proved their mettle in stopping on ice and climbing up a snow covered drive way.

The only pitfall was, who thought of putting the traction control button into the electronic menu and NOT on the dash. REALLY? I want to activate/deactivate the traction control in a second and not sit there and go through the menu screen. Nissan, please change it! Oh and while you’re at it can you please make sure the arm rest on the driver’s door and the one on the right side of the seatback are the same height.

Two minor imperfections in a car that you really should have a look at. Even trudging through the snow, winter warms ups and some spirited driving I still managed to get 6.4L/100 kms on this sweet ride.

Price as tested: $23,083

[mymemoirs]

Unrecorded Memories and Missing Taiwan #8

This is gonna be my last post for this series because I am left with only one week worth of story. Yes, my 2018 summer exchange story is coming to an end. I'm so glad it's going to be over because there's so many things I want to write in my next post.

32) Monday came and each groups presented their presentation in front of the class. My groupmates and I presented our presentation. It went smoothly and there were no real pressure compared to my AI presentation. Unlike the AI presentation, there was no grading for our presentation and thus no recognition of who's the best presenter in our class. Well, I think this way we can just be neutral and enjoy everyone's presentation. Although, to be honest, I can't remembered any of the presentations during this class compared to the AI class.

Okay, this is really out of context, but I have to admit that the Indian students I met are confident and good presenter. One presenter in particular presented like Steve Jobs. His talk is inspiring and full of hope (well, his expressions especially) even though he's just explaining about an AI that creates lyrics for music.

Now, back to topic *laughs*. So, after everyone in the class finished their presentation, I think we were dismissed quite early. I don't really remember what I did that day. The only clue I have of that day is a photo of the 7-Eleven near the campus. I think knowing well that I will miss that place, I just took a photo of it for my memorabilia. Well, sure enough, I do missed that convenience store. They have everything! I always bought my breakfast there. Sometimes I even have my lunch or dinner there. It's such a memorable place. I really love how the convenience store really depicts 'convenient' very well. It's very different from the convenience store in my country. Oh, and I think it's open for 24 hours. Like, seriously, this is too convenient!

7-Eleven store besides Asia University Campus. Look at that infinite supply of foods with chairs and tables. I just love so many selections of foods to choose, I really miss Taiwan's 7-Eleven.

33) On Tuesday, our professor suddenly told us that we were going to have a campus tour. So, off we go around the campus with our professor as the tour guide. It's not like we don't explore the campus but after the tour, I realize how big the campus is and how little exploration I did. There were so many places, BEAUTIFUL places around the campus. But the only thing I did whenever I finished classes was to go back to my room and rest. I don't really explored much except when I get lost. I also didn't visit other friends in different dorm buildings which is located quite far from my own. Now, that I think back, it's really too bad that I don't do much exploring but that's also one of the reason why I would still want to go back to Taiwan if I had the chance. I'm only in Taichung before and there were a lot of cities in Taiwan I haven't explored yet. I'll love another chance to explore the country.

The first half of our class (before lunch) was spent on touring the campus. After that, on the second half of our class, we went to an art museum in Asia University. I think our professor was out of ideas on where to take us and since most of us never visited the art museum that was actually located in the campus. He suggested that and we all went along, although, we must pay for our own entrance fee to enter the museum. However, I think it was discounted. I vaguely remembered paying 100 NTD for that.

The museum itself is called "Asia Museum of Modern Art" located in Asia University's premises. I actually had to pass through the museum every time I went back to my dorm. It have this amazing architecture that's also one of its selling point in my opinion. The architect of the building is a Japanese man named Tadao Ando. I just have to go gaga on him after searching more about him and his works. What a talented man he is! It even shows in the museum I went.

He's a King of Concrete because his works mostly uses concretes and the museum I went was made of concrete. It was also not painted and that's really interesting to see a building not painted but still exudes such a classy and modern look. There's also one spot in the museum that's very popular. Since the building is triangle, the corner of it have this eye fish effect if we took a picture from that corner. Just take a look at this picture below!

In one of the corners in Asia Museum of Modern Art.

As you can see, being in the corner allows people to see both sides of the wall, making an effect of using a wide lens or fish eye lens. I saw Tadao Ando's other work too in the internet and I am officially a fan of his work now. He really have piqued my interest in the world of design. I'm in love. *laughs*

Since it was an art museum, there were a lot of art works ranging from pottery, paintings to very abstract object. According to the guide, the museum have different arts displayed there depending on the exhibitions. I don't really remember what exhibition or what theme I am seeing when I went there but I was mostly focused on the architecture of the buildings. Walking around and seeing people taking pictures. I don't really take pictures which is kind of a bummer but I don't think I feel comfortable asking people to take a picture of me. Most of my pictures are taken in a group or by my classmate's initiative.

I took a picture of this because of the meaning behind the words which is very simple but deep. You read it downwards and from right to left, it would be translated as: "In Beauty, there are great pain and ecstasy"

34) After our trip to the museum, we can go back to our dorm. That Tuesday was actually the last night for my roommates since their classes had finished. So, we decided to eat outside and find a cafe where we can chill near the campus. The campus is actually very convenient since there's a lot of shops near it. I actually enjoyed eating around there to be honest. Ah, now I really miss my student's life. Hahaha.

When we went to the cafe, we ordered waffles and shared it among the four of us. While we were eating, the cafe owner suddenly approached us and offered another serving of waffles for free. That is actually quite surprising for us but we received it with delight. Who wouldn't like a freebies right? However, I had a feeling the reason we got that free waffle was because my roommates were attractive. Or maybe it's just because we were new customers and he wanted to gain repeating customers. Which is me *laughs* cause I brought another friends to that cafe again but we weren't lucky to receive a free waffle again. Oh yeah, the name of the cafe is 唯享时刻 (Enjoy Moments) which have a very cute exterior. I think that's the reason why the four of us is interested to try out that cafe.

Anyway, while being on the topic "being treated/ getting freebies" cause you're attractive, it's only when I went to Taiwan that I do saw this kind of thing. I mean back in my country, it's really rare to see my friends being treated or offered by strangers 'cause we're really scared if that actually happens. Heck, I even saw it twice happening with my roommates since one of my roommates were especially attractive. Aside from the cafe, there's this one time when we went to a minimart to buy our breakfast for tomorrow. The cashier actually didn't charge one of my roommate for something she brought it was as if he was treating her. It was actually amusing for me to witness that, their conversation goes like this:

Cashier: *scans barcode of the stuff, leave out an item and then says the price*

Roommate: Um, you forgot to scan the banana.

Cashier: Oh, no, it's alright. It's for you.

Roommate: Um, okay... *while giving the money* Thank you.

This is not really the exact conversation since I forgot if the cashier even said anything at all about giving it to her. I am not beside or behind her when this happened and I remembered the cashier being meek but he was definitely attracted to my friend. Because after going out of the minimart, the rest of my roommates who also went to the same class with her, tease her and said that this is not the first time the cashier treated her. And I think that's also part of the reason why they chose to shop at that minimart.

Last picture together before my roommates leave Asia University.

Anyway, back to to the cafe moment, I was really sad that we had to part ways tomorrow. Iris and Karen were going to stay in Taiwan for a while but they will go to a different cities tomorrow. Vincy, on the other hand, will be going back to Hong Kong. I can't remember every conversation we had, but I do miss them from time to time. I don't know if they feel that way towards me because our meeting is really such a short period of time and I actually rely on them as my roommates. We still had the WhatsApp group chats but it's always me who initiate the conversation in the group but even if we're not close, they really leave behind such a deep impression on me. I do hope I can meet them again.

35) The next day, on Wednesday, we have our class as usual. Our professor invited other lecturer to teach us about Fintech that day. There weren't much to mentioned for this day except that my roommates all went to their respective destination and we parted ways. I did have the chance to eat my lunch with Vincy before I sent her off in front of the campus. Aaaah, now I really miss them and the moments I had with them but life must go on and that's the thing about making friends across countries. You need to go back to where you belong.

On Thursday, the professor told us that we're going to have a farewell party and ask us to gather in a cafe near the museum. The cafe was actually managed by an alumni of the university and I think that's the reason why our professor wanted us to go there. Although, I don't know if the cafe still exists since it doesn't show up in google maps. With the pandemic that's happening, I felt it cause businesses to go bankrupt but at the same time new kind of businesses went viral during the pandemic.

During our farewell, everyone is having a light snacks and coffee, conversations, picture taking, etc. I don't quite remembered how the event unfolds in the Entrepreneurship and Creativity class farewell compared to the AI class farewell. I think the professors only gave some short speech and we also watch some videos before we received our certificates. The owner of the cafe also gave her speech about the cafe which really fits our class.

Receiving the certificate of completion from the professor.

After the farewell party, everyone is free to go. I usually hang out with my Thai friends when I'm on this class but instead of going out with them, I went out with my classmates who came from the same university as I am. It's funny that I only get close with them on the last day. I think they've told me that they felt I was not really approachable especially since I always hang out with my Thai classmates. I don't really deny that because I personally felt the time is so short to be friends with everyone and I'm the type to focus on one group of friends rather than getting along with everyone which I think is impossible for introverted me.

It's a good thing that I do get along with them eventually. I am also grateful that they invited me to go out with them 'cause I don't think I'll go anywhere that day if they didn't invite me. Although, initially I think they just invited me to get a picture together in front of the campus as the representative of our university. After that, they find me approachable enough to ask if I had any plans and would like to join them. Since I love travelling and am not the type to plan most of my days, I gladly accept their offer.

So, off we go to their dorm since they had to take care of some stuff (like preparing to go out, do a little packing, pray, etc). Since, I'm ready to go out and have done most of my packing, I don't mind going along with them to their dorm. It's also the first time I visited other dorm buildings aside from my own. Their dorm rooms are actually quite different compared to mine. They had inner toilet in their rooms while in my dorm the toilet is outside of our rooms. While I am there watching them, one of the classmates actually offered to do some makeup on my face and I let her do it. Although, I don't really have a picture of it unfortunately.

Me and my classmates from Airlangga University

After that, we went downtown to get our lunch since the food in the cafe is just light snacks. It was quite late when we grabbed our food, I think around 2 or 3 in the afternoon. We went to subways since they're craving for it and I also think it's halal for them. I actually enjoyed talking with them, they're funny and expressive. However, in terms of a travel buddy, I don't think I can get along with them because they only visited shops and more shops to buy the stuff people ask them to. Of course, they charge for it which is very business minded of them but I can see they're struggling with their baggage too.

We were outside for the whole day. Since, I had no makeup remover, I had to follow them to their room to use it. Afterwards, I left their dorm because I had prior plans with two of my Thai classmates (Phoom and Benz) to eat together since this is our last night in Taiwan. I remembered only eating with both of them even though there are other Thai classmates who didn't joined us that night.

While walking to our meeting point, I actually thought how beautiful the night view is around the campus. There were couple of places I went during daylight but it looks so different and beautiful with the lights. The moon was very bright that night too. Tbh, those kind of moments actually reignite my desire to travel again and even during that time I already missed Taiwan. I'm sure people who travel or on a holiday have those kind of moments where they miss holidays even before it ends.

Now, back to our dinner. We ate our dinner in a beef noodle shop near the campus which is actually very popular because it's close to the university and it also tastes quite good. Although, I don't think we can eat that everyday because it's quite costly compared to other available options (around 100 NTD). But when's the perfect time to eat a bit costly dinner than the last day, right? I personally enjoy talking to both of them even though they are much older than me since I knew they were a master's student around their 30s. After eating, we went to a minimart where they bought beers and then we walked back to our respective dorms since my dorm buildings aren't the same with them.

36) Friday, my last day in Taiwan! Everyone who's going back that day went to the meeting point in front of the campus where we will board on a bus that's heading to the airport. We say our goodbyes to the remaining friends who's going to stay, taking pictures together and just spent some time chatting before the bus arrived. Most of my classmates are going back directly to their countries but I was heading to Singapore instead because I have relatives living there.

The moon is so tiny but trust me, it really caught my eyes. Seeing it with your own eyes does feels different.

We all went home that day. It was really a memorable month for me and I am grateful that I get to experience all of this. I have always wanted a student exchange experience while still balancing my college life and this opportunity came through. Having this summer exchange on 2018 was one of the best highlights I had during college. While on the plane back home, I sat near besides the window and I was able to see a full moon shining brightly and beautifully. Although my phone didn't do much justice to the grandeur I saw, I really wanted to share with everyone the picture of it to end this series.

- Reina

PS. Thank you for reading this series, if anyone ever read it. I really appreciate it. Even though there are certain events or timelines that I'm not completely sure of, I find writing and sharing about the memories I had in Taiwan as a fond thing to do because it's really a memorable one that I just had to write about it. I also find this process - digging up past memories - to be a good exercise for my brain.

[radramblog]

Game of the Year 2020...?

Ive scrolled the list of games that came out this year to see what my GOTY ended up being, but turns out the only game I played in 2020 that released that year was, uh…….

Fucking good game but like I’m not gonna hand it GOTY by default (That goes to Hades, based solely impressions from other people). Actually, I’m not handing out any awards, really. So I guess I’m just gonna go over a bunch of the other games I did play last year, regardless of whether or not they came out then.

Hyrule Warriors: Definitive Edition

A mate got me this for my birthday in December 2019, and unlike the other games I got then (Kirby Star Allies which I burned through that month and Octopath which I still haven’t played) I spent a fair few hours playing it last year. This was before the sequel was announced, and also a little bit after the fact- figured I should try and finish one before playing the other. Unfortunately, I have yet to purchase Age of Calamity nor finish Definitive Edition, because the former is expensive and the latter is expansive. Holy shit there’s so much fucking content in this game. I don’t think I ever will finish it to be honest, though despite the repetitiveness it never really felt boring to me. It’s the only Warriors/Musou game I’ve played, and I’d be interested in trying others based on the experience.

(I’m not playing Fire Emblem Warriors though fuck that)

Pokemon Sword and Shield DLC: The Isle of Armor and the Crown Tundra

Sword and Shield felt somewhat lacking on release, and while the DLCs released this year did much to try and fix this its still a bit shit that it required an extra paycheck out of you to get the full game- outside of outsourced mobile games like Go and Shuffle, or services such as Bank or Home, Pokemon has never actually had DLC/microtransactions, so this was a little disappointing. I’d argue that it absolutely wasn’t worth it when Isle was released, as fun as the content was it was again, lacking. Crown Tundra I would argue exceeded my (admittedly low) expectations, however- the new and returning mons are cool and welcome (I despised Calyrex’s design on first reveal but their behaviour in story redeemed it more than enough), and the Max Lair Adventure offered a surprisingly replayable romp that has been great to just try and grind out with friends. I can’t say I’d recommend the DLC pack though- only if because you’ve probably made up your mind already as to whether or not you’re getting it, or this doesn’t apply to you at all. I could also put basically every main series Pokemon game on here, seeing as I’m pretty sure I nuzlocked every region at some point during the year, but I don’t want to make this *that* long. 

Super Smash Bros Ultimate Expansion Pass

Smash is still Smash. I don’t find myself playing it much on my own, and even in Perth get-togethers weren’t super common last year. As neat as the DLC characters released this year are for the franchise as a whole, none of them convinced me to play significantly more than usual, and I can’t wrap my head around half of them, so.

Also, I’m still salty about Byleth, and I actually really liked Three Houses, it was my first FE game. Why the fuck wasn’t it Claude????

Rivals of Aether

On the other hand, in the last few months I’ve found myself grinding match after match of Rivals with one of my best mates and the game is a fucking blast, holy shit. I still haven’t bought it for myself, but its basically 100% of the reason I have played 0 smash for the last few months since we’re too busy mashing Orcane vs Ranno over and over and not really getting tired of it. It requires a specific type of person to get into it, but if you’re in that group then its just an excellent game.

VA-11 Hall-A

I first played VA-11 Hall-A (Vallhalla, since typing that is a pain) by pirating it and playing it on my laptop in the dead of night.

It quickly became one of my favourite games of all time.

When the Switch port dropped, I felt obliged to actually pay for it this time around, since the developers had more than earned my money. And then I replayed it again, playing it on my switch in the dead of night (At least this time I had the excuse of being a nightshift worker). With the sequel unfortunately delayed into 2021, it might be time to run it back once more or drag more of my mates into Glitch City since I already forcibly exposed a few of em to it.

The post-credits title screen is still my phone background.

Fallout: New Vegas

I don’t really have much to say about FNV that hasn’t been said already, especially considering HBomberguy’s recently released video, but it is also on my top 5 list and I only got around to playing Lonesome Road and Dead Money this year. Also went out of my way to 100% achievement complete the game on Steam, which I believe is the first time I’ve done that for a game.

Zero Escape Series (Nine Hours Nine Persons Nine Doors, Virtue’s Last Reward, Zero Time Dilemma)

The Danganronpa series’ less colourful sibling, Zero Escape was a series I finally got around to finishing after having borrowed a friend’s copy of VLR back in high school and playing it wrong due to not deleting his save file (oops,). I think VLR remains my favourite, and I really hope the series continues at some point (unlikely as it seems now) considering how ZTD missed the mark pretty hard. The first 2 games are still excellent mystery games and a lot of fun, though you do need somewhat of a tolerance for words.

A Hat in Time

Oh god this game is so fucking cute. Also, just an excellent platformer. Is the DLC still on sale? I should buy that.

Fallout 4

Its just not New Vegas. It just isn’t. I really tried with this game, I really did. The gunplay is great, modding and building shit is fun, but its just not the same.

The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past

A couple years ago I bought a SNES Mini, but until 2020 I didn’t really have a convenient way of playing it seeing as my monitor didn’t have an HDMI port. But now I do have one with one, so I got to start playing this classic! And then stopped because of uni. Should finish that, probably.

Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon

Shit Keara I still have your copy sorry I’ll get back to it :<

Pokemon Stadium

I also managed to get my N64 up and running, and despite being the wrong region for most of the games available in local shops, I somehow managed to get Stadium for a great price. Got to dig out my old Red cartridge and anything. Fuck me though, this game is brutal. Seriously, Gen 1 battle mechanics are tough to deal with at the best of times, having to do battle after battle with said mechanics without losing is just nuts. I still haven’t managed to get Round 2 unlocked.

God, fuck you Blaine. Goddamn fire spin Rapidash motherfucker.

Super Mario 64 Speaking of, I managed to pick up a Japanese cartridge of SM64, complete with BLJ glitches and 3 entire save files. After much effort, I managed to actually get it working, and spent most of the night of Christmas getting smashed and trying to beat Bowser in the Fire Sea. I played a lot of the DS remake as a kid, and I feel like an idiot for struggling as much I did with the original.

This is all of course a buildup to the fact that I was lying about not assigning a GOTY. Because there is only one N64 game in my small collection deserving of Game of the Year, because its deserving of Game of the Year every year since its 1999 release.

BEETLE ADVENTURE RACING MOTHERFUCKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER

[hippriestess]

Part 3 - “ I thought we had some kind of agreement but with you it was just prurience”

So, where were we. Ah yes....Record Store Day 2019.

It was, perhaps inevitably, a heavy day for Fall fans. Lead-in times both for the manufacture of vinyl records and for participation in RSD are such that Smith's death came too late for the impact to be evident in the 2018 event but for 2019, we were absolutely flooded in a way that caused some, quite rightly, to question the judgement of the organisers in allowing so many obvious vultures to swoop in for an easy bite. 

The “monitor mixes” from the 2CD edition of “The Unutterable” were pressed to vinyl for the first time. “Whoo-fucking-pee” quoth the faithful and you will have absolutely no difficulty acquiring it today should you be down to few enough marbles for it to seem like a good investment. BMG hold the rights to the group's Rough Trade recordings and went with a box set of five 7” singles under the awful title “Medicine For The Masses”. This was the exact same format as “The Rough Trade Singles Box” from 2002 although with the bonus of containing the correct Peel Session versions of “Container Drivers” and “New Puritan” (Castle/Sanctuary had updated the 5 disc CD edition once they had acquired the rights to the BBC tracks but the vinyl edition of Italy's Earmark Records retained the Grotesque and Totale's Turns versions used in the initial pressings). Given not only that none of this material is any way scarce but that an excellent single LP release had been given to all 10 tracks in the box (Peel takes included) by US imprint Superior Viaduct in 2018, it was perhaps inevitable that “Medicine For The Masses” pretty much flopped on the day and can now be acquired brand new for a good £10 less than the asking price on the day itself.

Ah yes, Superior Viaduct, let's not forget them. A well-regarded reissue label with a smattering of current artists, they had already issued some Fall vinyl in 2016/2017, putting all the studio albums up to “Perverted By Language” back onto vinyl as well as the first 2 singles and the eternally category-defying “Slates” 10”. Following Smith's passing, they have (almost) completed the task with the aforementioned “Rough Trade Singles” LP and a new pressing of “Totale's Turns”. These editions have been very well received and have been praised for the quality both of the mastering and of the pressings but they remain largely inaccessible to UK fans due to licensing restrictions preventing the editions from being imported. As such, you'll hafta pick these up on a one-to-one basis off your own bat.

Right, back to Record Store Day 2019. We also had the “opportunity” to buy a number of live albums. 5 of them, in fact. All of these had previously been released on CD towards the end of 2018...so this was going to be called Crap Rap Part 14 but it's now called “Stop Releasing Every Gig You Can Find On Some Mouldy Third Generation Maxell C90 on a double LP”

Live albums have always been canon with The Fall. “Totale's Turns” was their 3rd LP release, “Live In London 1980” was issued by Chaos Tapes with the group's permission in 1982, “Fall In A Hole” was allowed until copies were exported. We had “Seminal Live” and “The 27 Points” mixing live with studio, as did “I Am Kurious Oranj” with several tracks recorded during the original Edinburgh run of the ballet. Even the “Perverted By Language Bis” video was largely live material. Even once the shark was jumped in the late 90s/early 00s with the endless recycling of those outtake/live compilations, there were official live missives, such as the excellent “Last Night At The Palais” in 2009, the wonderfully titled but patchy “Uurop VIII-XII Places in Sun & Winter, Son” in 2014 though to the terrible “Live In Clitheroe” in 2017. So, all in, it comes as no surprise at all that over 20 more live albums have been added to The Fall's discography since Smith's sad departure from this realm.

There were no less than 5 live albums dumped merrily onto the shelves for RSD 2019, 3 of them doubles. On their own, this would have been an outlay of over £100...in fact, if you wanted the full RSD Fall, you'd have had little or no change on the day from £250. For exactly no unreleased music. No unreleased music? What were these live albums then? Let's wind back to late in 2018... (I told you this was tough to do in any kind of linear fashion).

Arriving via the PledgeMusic site, “Set Of Ten” released by “Cog Sinister”, worked like this: 10 previously unreleased live recordings were contained in a sturdy square box with spiffy new artwork from Pascal LeGras. The tariff? £100. Ouch. Now, a handful of them were announced as separate releases, however, if you bought the box you would receive an exclusive disc – a recording from Derby, 1994. Cometh the hour, the Derby CD was one of the first to be released on its own. Huh.

A small amount of digging revealed that this set was the work of Rob Ayling. With the dates running from 1980 to 1999, the general opinion re: Set Of Ten was that these tapes were very likely to be in Ayling's possession due to the “Live From The Vaults” series on Voiceprint, Ayling's previous imprint, from 2005. When that series was announced, the five releases were said to be simply the first batch.  It could therefore be deduced that these tapes had been destined for future batches. At the time, there was a minor dust-up over them and no further volumes were issued. Whatever the motivations, presenting an 11 CD set of old bootlegs with so little quality control being put into the audio and asking £100 for it felt like cold ash in the mouth. Worse still, PledgeMusic went bust before many customers could receive their sets, leaving them to either claim chargebacks on their credit cards or simply out of pocket as ordinary creditors to the failed business. It must have been galling for those who lost money to see the CDs arriving on their own and several cut onto expensive vinyl.

I've picked up a couple of the CDs separately and these have been largely fine. Recording quality is listenable but obviously audience derived. The best one by far of those I've heard is “Live 23rd June 1981 @ Jimmy's Music Club New Orleans”, a great recording of a full-tilt Fall performance from a critical time in their existence (pictured) . There's a palpable tension, possibly due to the return of Burns, brought back not just out of practicalities but also to even the group up a bit, now that Smith was beginning to reconsider the wisdom of having a team of childhood friends for a group. Rehiring Burns was designed to put some grit back into the machine and it worked. Having a full set from this line-up is a worthy addition to the canon and it should be snapped up before it vanishes – this is the only one of the “Set Of Ten” CDs that seems to be thin on the ground. The artwork and credits show the level of care taken over the release; that is – pretty much none. The CD artwork has the 6 piece “Hex” line-up – Karl Burns is the only drummer here as Paul Hanley was at home doing his O Levels. However, the sleeve credits Paul Hanley and not Burns, adding a credit for Duncan Burndred, who was the group's driver at the time. The info had been sourced from the “Slates & Dates” press release which credited Burndred with “the rest” (ie anything other than music and management). Likely pilfered from thefall.org, this missive was retooled for the artwork without any real consideration.

However, it seems there was sufficient demand out there and, cometh the tail end of 2019, cometh another Set of Ten, given the snappy title...”Another Set Of Ten”. They must have been up all fucking night thinking of that one. Again, it has 11 discs. It does get interesting here insofar as most of the tapes come from between 2009 and 2013 suggesting not only that there wasn't much left from the original “Vaults”- destined batch but also making it unclear from whom these tapes were being licenced. They are, of course, under no obligation to discuss such matters publicly and, indeed the current incarnation of Cog Sinister would likely feel aggrieved at having the question asked. They are, after all, a legitimate enterprise. 

A quick skwizz at the Discogs page tells you that “Another Set Of Ten” is not a triumph; all the tapes are listed as being audience tapes, one disc has just six songs from the gig and several others are also incomplete and/or mislabelled. The main contributor to the Discogs entry (to whom, hello!) notes that the tracklistings appear to be taken from photographs of setlists uploaded to thefall.org's justly revered and thoroughly sublime gigography but, where the setlist didn't match what was played, no attempt has been made to correct this. They haven't even matched up the content with the tracklistings!!! At time of writing, these ones are just starting to slip into the shops on their own, possibly Covid delayed as you could get them via online retailers for a while. The cover for a Manchester gig from 2009 looked like a sick joke and it was hard not to think similar (albeit at lower pitch) about the inclusion of an infamous Motherwell gig at which MES was completely plastered and Brix had quit the band an hour or so before the show. What's next? Worthing? Brownies?

Yet it is very hard not to be continually tempted. There's some juicy setlists in these discs and the artwork at least has some effort – Pascal LeGras has done a very fine job here and his art certainly gives the right feel to the releases. I'm guessing that was the plan. I’ve got my eye on a few. It’s a disease this, I tell you...

Anyway, one way of the other, 5 of the “Set Of Ten” discs found their way onto vinyl on RSD, courtesy of reissue imprint Let Them Eat Vinyl and all of these are still easy to score, should you wish. The whole Gonzo/Let Them Eat Vinyl hookup is interesting for scholars of who-owns-what in terms of The Fall's catalogue. As above, we know that BMG have the Rough Trade recordings but LTEV's “Grotesque”, issued in 2017, states it is licensed by Sanctuary.

LTEV have also been putting some of the other lesser releases from the catalogue onto vinyl, including 2 mid 90's live albums (Phoenix 1995 and “The Idiot Joy Show” - nothing that was wasn't available for buttons on CD in the early 00s) as well as “Interim”, the demos and live cobble-together that attempted to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory in 2004. The latter had never been pressed to vinyl before and with bloody good reason.  Yr mileage, as always, may vary.

Whilst not The Fall, acolytes will doubtless want to know that Ed Blaney issued a 2CD edition of “The Train”, containing the full 40-minute “(Part Three)” CD, a similarly lengthed alternate version and a clutch of remixes. Blaney also uploaded a properly touching tribute to Smith on YouTube, including reminiscences with other friends of Smith.

One more part to come, in which we burn the spotlight of shame onto a couple of the worst products ever to have had the name The Fall unwillingly emblazoned upon their sleeves and take a quick look over some of what we know is in the pipeline.

[ggmanreviews]

GGMan's Weekly Video Game Recommendation #5

I play a lot of games. Some, everyone has played. Others, not so much.

I'll be listing one game per week, that I have played and believe it deserves more attention. If you have already played it, then that's great! If you haven't, then you might as well. The bigger the game, the longer the review due to the amount of content.

Name: Company of Heroes Genre: Real-Time Strategy Developer: Relic Entertainment Publisher: THQ (Sega from 2013 till present) Engine: Essense Engine Length: Over 100 Hours Singleplayer? Yes. Multiplayer? Yes. Release Date: September 12th, 2006 Platforms: PC

Reviews: Steam 9/10, GameSpot 9/10, Metacritic 93%, IGN 9.4/10

Now, where do I start? Company of Heroes shall forever be one of my all-time favourite games. It's not the oldest one I've played, but it was the very first one that introduced me to, back then, the rising industry of video games. You might recognize the franchise by its sequel that came out in 2013, which was also the last of the franchise as Relic was bought by SEGA, later that year, & THQ (not to be confused with THQ Nordic) filled for bankruptcy in 2012. Company of Heroes had managed to redefine the staple of real-time strategy games as it won numerous awards including two game-of-the-year titles from IGN & GameSpy.

The game takes place within the European Theatre of World War 2, as it covers not just individuals but, companies from specific armies and they're efforts throughout the Invasion of Normandy. From the heroic landings of Omaha Beach to the famous encirclement of the retreating German 7th Army within the Falaise Pocket, you control Able Company as a detachment of the U.S. 506th Infantry Regiment and basically re-live their experiences amongst some of the most pivotal battles of the war.

However, if American campaigns do not interest you, then you may be entertained by their standalone DLC's. Company of Heroes: Opposing Fronts allows you to take control of the British 2nd Army in their conquest for Caen, and the German Panzer Lehr Divison with their perspective during Operation: Market Garden. Company of Heroes: Tales of Valor does not follow after its predecessors with specific campaigns throughout the war, but instead, it allows you to re-live three episodes, from the war, depicting individual soldiers or groups at their finest hour; Tiger Ace SS-Hauptsturmführer Michael Wittman, the 82nd Airborne Division, & a unit of Waffen SS-Panzergrenadiers.

If you're a history fanatic, like me, then the premise of the game's story alone would already have you keen to try the game out for yourself. However, if you're not really a fan of World War 2 based video games, then maybe the gameplay would manage to catch your attention. Unlike your old-school strategy games such as Starcraft, Warcraft, & Age of Empires, Company of Heroes introduces the mechanics of, for example, economic gathering, sectorial management, dynamic cover, command powers, destructible environments, real-time physics (get that Fortnite sh*t outta here) and I could go on. Combat wise, you control one of four different armies, two from the allies & and two from the axis, which deploy squads of soldiers or individual tanks each with their own pros and cons. You use a combination of the multiple varieties of units available to you in whatever method of attack or defence that you want to do.  

Do you want to charge over 70 units of US riflemen, armed with the BAR & sticky bombs against a division of German panthers? Of course, you can! Do you want to launch a rocket at a single British officer running for his life? Go ahead! This game lays down the groundwork through historical maps, battles, events, and basically hands over an immeasurable amount of freedom to choose how YOU want to play.

If you have completed the campaign without much of a challenge, then you may dive into the multiplayer as you, obviously, battle other players live to each their own choice of playstyle, and even against the game's computer-based AI which, depending on the chosen difficulty, it could either be a walk in the park or your complete and utter annihilation.

Graphics & Immersion? Who cares! As a game from 2006, using a (now) dead engine, this game takes the cake when it comes to the bare bones of the pixel by pixel details. For a real-time strategy game, you have realistic looking weapons, uniforms, tanks, maps, explosions, faces, voice acting ("EAGLES! SCREAMING ON JERRY!"), destructive action, rockets, more explosions, tiger tanks, cartoonish animations, physics, fires, airstrikes, buildings, and did I mention explosions?

In my honest opinion, Company of Heroes isn't just a game that deserves more attention because let's face it, the attention is already there from way back in 2006. This game is a must-play for any RTS fanatic out there.

System Req (Minimum) OS: Windows XP / Windows Vista Processor: 2.0 GHz Intel Pentium IV / AMD Athlon XP Memory: 512MB Graphics: NVIDIA GeForce 3 Series / ATI Radeon 9500 Sound: DirectX 9.0 Storage: 9GB (Steam says 1GB for some reason)

System Req (Recommended) OS: Windows XP / Windows Vista / Windows 7-8 (10 has some initial compatibility issues from my experience) Processor: 3.0 GHz Intel Pentium IV Memory: 1GB Graphics: NVIDIA GeForce 6800 Sound: DirectX 9.0 Storage: 9GB (Steam leaves this blank for some reason)

Side Note: On Steam, there's the normal version & the legacy version, which are given to you upon purchase. The legacy version is the most updated version of the game by Relic Entertainment but, access to multiplayer is extremely troublesome as it's not supported by Steam servers. Play the non-legacy version for little to no issues.

Price (USD): $16.18 (Main Game + Legacy Edition), $29.43 (Main Game + Legacy Edition + Both DLC's) [PC] Disclaimer: this is a direct conversion of my local currency via Steam because Google is being dumb. In my opinion, it's worth the full price.

[moonsfurbyden]

Before you read most of this, go check out the other full videos of Rizmo on my Instagram. It helps to see these in action, and with sound.(don’t worry, I don’t talk!) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6GdAwNglFb/?igshid=10iftw61w09cd here’s a handy dandy link for ya!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Moon bethian (@ofthemoonian) on Dec 15, 2019 at 9:06am PST

So. This is kinda my official review of Rizmo I guess. I got a lot to say about this little dude.

I suggest watching these with sound on btw, while I don’t talk it helps with what I’m about to explain.

Let me start this off with, I do not intend to throw Rizmo away, or break him. Ever. I treat him with just as much care as I treat my furby’s. I wouldn’t of bought Rizmo if I wasn’t at least interested in him visually and wanted him for that. I do like Rizmo visually and a little tiny bit interaction wise. I don’t hate him. Keep this in mind.

Now, onto the ups and downs.

I can at least say that he does do as the box suggests. Sings, evolves, etc etc. I think the biggest downfall about Rizmo as a whole is that other then the basic knowledge I had no way to know what I was in for. Hardly anyone has reviewed this toy that ISNT a child. Only one good video is what I could find with adults in it. And that’s it. So going into getting him I didn’t know how interactive he was or what he felt like or anything.

You get him, he’s a ball, with two little light up eyes. Over tune he grows a tail, and after that he evolves into what you see here. This whole function of evolving works amazingly well, the problem is that I don’t see a kid actually maintaining interest long enough. To evolve Rizmo you need to play minigames and sing(or talk in my case) to him. Which comes down to either rolling him around a lot for the mini game, or singing(or talking loudly) into his face. This took me about a hour and a half(or around that mark)to grind through. And that was me nonstop trying to evolve him. Most kids don’t have the patience for this, especially since the only true interaction you get from the toy is the minigames and singing and such. It’s bare bones basic. The only ‘interaction’ mechanically you get is he reacts to being bounced around. Nothing else. No tummy sensors, to head sensors.

And I will directly begin to compare him to Furby’s. Two generations in fact. The 1998 lines, and the 2005 lines. Both of these toys can interact in a multitude of ways. And learn over time. It’s a pet simulator to be honest and it keeps the kids interested cause it feels like they actually are interacting with you, as a person. Not just being there ready to be interacted with. Additionally it’s a small peeve but Rizmo hardly moves. His ears and tail are static. His front paws(hands?)are just fabric. And the only pieces that move are his feet, and his jaw. I friendly basic movements compared to something such as say, a 2016 furby. Who wiggles around at such break neck speeds sometimes they get unbalanced and tip over. Even something like the older 1998 furby’s are incredibly expressive, just with eyes, ears, and beak. And a slight shifting movement you can get a ton more expression. They don’t feel static. For the price of 40$, this is just... incredibly basic. Furby’s of the 1998 era were 20$ back then and very pricey, and still are today and are worth their money more.

As a extra extra side note, most people complained and still do, that original 1998 furby’s are LOUD. While I can agree some are incredibly loud, they have nothing on Rizmo. The sweet silence of my house once I turned him off was deafening almost, because he was so loud. He was loud enough to a point that when I turned one of my 1998 furby’s on, they thought he was loud. He was the same volume to them as someone raising their voice, or clapping loudly. I feel sorry for the parents who have to hear this toy.

Onto my biggest beef. This toy is fragile. Incredibly fragile. I do not know how a child won’t break this toy, even by accident. He is made of what sounds and feels like the most thin plastic ever on the side. 80% of this toy is hollow on the inside. Not a lick of stuffing seen, which makes sense for the evolving mechanics. But they chose the nose incredibly thin fur type that in a year, if your kid loves this toy will be probably losing its fur over time. Because of this thin fur you can feel the skeleton inside completely. His eyes are stationed inside the painfully hollow skull that you can feel around in through his incredibly empty mouth. I could actually unpop his eyes with no effort from the small holes in his skeleton inside. His torso has two plastic ‘rib cages’ i guess you’d call them, that expand when he evolves the first time. Once in this finally form you can feel that these are hollow shells almost that you can latch your fingers into with his loose fur. The fur is so lose intact he tends to have a bump or buckle on the top of his head in the back because it’s design to be taught to the skull when curled up. He has a light on his tummy in this form they I’m afraid I might jab since it’s precariously empty feeling as well. His paws(hands?) aren’t even stuffed and are empty tubes of fabric. His ears have a snap back hinge that I’m 100% certain a child will break. Same as his tail which also has a snap back hinge. Additionally, his whole mechanical end of things seems to have the mechanics, whole even turned off, to curl back up?? I am unsure if this is even purposeful or not. But I can see that getting jammed easily by a kid forcefully doing that. You can see me do this with both his feet, and his jaw(his ribs can also do this)and I’m hardly putting any effort into doing so.

Nothing in my mind makes me think this toy is good for children. The mechanics are easily boring, and the toy itself is fragile as heck feeling. Any kid who likes to cuddle toys won’t be happy with this. Unlike a furby who are solid, yes. But they have thick fur that makes them feel a lot more plush. And they can handle two decades worth of use and damage and still work, to this day. There’s something to be said when a toy form 2019 is more fragile and breakable then a toy in 1998 who has survived two decades of their life being played with and left in antics and yet somehow still work, and aren’t broken most of the time.

My verdict? Way until Rizmo goes on sale even more. It’s not worth 40$. And if you want one like me because it makes you think of a furby almost, wait also. It will go on sale, and when it drops down it’ll be more worth it. They already are. Amazon has the pink Rizmo right now for 30$. And the other colors for a little more.

[mydearsaddiary]

Speakeasy Tonight Neil Season 3 Fanfic

Neil Season 3- Chapter 3

Hello! For those of you who don’t know Im writing a fanfic on how I’d imagine Neil Season 3 to go! This is chapter 3, here’s a link with all the chapters: https://mydearsaddiary.tumblr.com/NeilSeason3Fanfic

Little Curiosity notes: Because this chapter is all about the high society of BAHS-ton, there’s some currency involved! I put the amount in 1926 dollars, in parenthesis I adjusted it according to inflation on how much it’s cost today!

WARNING: LOTS OF ANGST AND DRAMA. LIKE SO MUCH DRAMA.

Chapter 3- Ghosts Are Alive in a Haunted Night

1926

The way to Boston was long. The anticipation built was driving me over the edge. I’ve been around the upper crust of Chicago, but even so most of them seemed like new money. Extravagant women who just got their hands on dough and bought everything they could. The upper crusts I met in Chicago weren’t elegant, they just had money in their hands. Even so I felt like an imposter amongst them.

I had a perception Neil’s family would be different. They were the true high society. Money was in their roots and they’ve never lived without it. For generations and generations I imagined most of them never worked, but increased their riches by letting others do the work for them.

I noticed when Lucille wrote to Neil, she always signed “Lucille Dresner of Boston”. Only the wealthy referred to themselves with their hometown attached to their name like “The Dresners of Boston”. They measured each other by how prominent of a family they were. For the first time I didn’t think of Neil as just Neil. I imagined him as “Cornelius Dresner of Boston” or “Cornelius of the house Dresner from Boston” or some fancy Jane Austen society title I could never imagine myself belonging to.

I knew Neil was living in an apartment in Chicago, living the same economic life as I did right now by choice, but that didn’t change where he was from or who his family was. For the first time I also realized that you could notice the high class in Neil in his personality.

There was just something in him that distanced him from people like Cliff or Vince who’d come from nothing or even me, who came from some but not as much. I thought of the elegancy, the way he never let himself look like a fool, the fact that he was highly educated, enjoyed chess like no other, the fact that it was easy to look at him and respect him. He had the air of being classier than most. He had his troubles and he wasn’t some snob who thinks he is better than everyone, but something in me said I needed to step up to the gentry, who breathed old money and who would judge me as middle class.

I looked down at the dress I chose for the trip. It was a delicate red. I always thought it was a good color on me, but it wasn’t the best dress (or the best shoes) I could be wearing

I looked at Neil who looked so calm he could have no idea of the internal battle that was happening in my mind. However, I felt guilty for struggling so much. Neil hadn’t seen his family in years, they’d probably be talking and paying so much attention to him that they wouldn’t even have time to look at what I was wearing

Nevertheless when we stepped out of the train in Boston I felt trapped. When I first got to Chicago, it seemed like the city was bursting, it was like my world had expanded and there was no seeing its end. In Boston I got a different feeling. The elegancy, tall buildings and the cold air engulfed you in its atmosphere and urged you to climb the social ladder. It seemed to tell you if you didn’t, you were bound to fail

-Hey…-It was the first time I said something in at least half an hour- I’ve been dying to see the fashion stores in Boston. Whaddya say you take me to see one, just to look around the city for a bit before we go?-I held his arm firmly

-Is the calm and steady Miss Granger nervous to meet my parents?- He got back at me from what I said in Columbus

-Alright, alright, this point goes to you!- I giggled nervously more than playful- I am, alright. Nothing calms my nerves better than shopping for a new outfit

-There’s a store nearby Lucille loved when she was younger. Can’t make any promises it’s still open.

-Doesn’t hurt to try!-I followed him around

It took a little while for Neil to remember the exact spot of the store and kept saying “It’s somewhere along this street”. While I followed him I looked around with interest. The city was full of cars and people. Constructions happened all around and every building was glued to the next one. Two words to describe it were: Completely packed. It seemed like the whole New England lived there. People were moved fast like all of them were in a hurry and it contrasted Columbus in a way it did make me feel like I came from the middle of nowhere. Among the cars there was a policemen on horseback flying by, it struck me as one more thing engulfed by the modernization and craziness that I found myself in. Chicago’s population surpassed Boston’s by a lot, but it was funny how I felt lost in that new city in front of me. Maybe I’d gotten used to Chicago so it didn’t seem that big anymore

And I thought I was ready for Boston

-Was Boston always this full?- I walked holding him tightly, afraid I could lose him in the crowd.

-Full of buildings and people? Yeah, it always was. Although before the war there used to be less cars, floor-length dresses and high hats- He pulled me in into a building, inside it was revealed a store as huge as Menken’s- Here it is, still open

The store was cream-colored with eccentric chandeliers around. I could see at least two floors. I never managed to bring Neil shopping with me before, so I might as well enjoy it.

I took a look around at different dresses. Something had gotten to me though. Look at the price of those dresses! I could buy at least ten dresses at Menken’s for the price of some of these!

If it was Lucille’s favorite store, at least before, then of course everything would be expensive. I swear I found a dress that was $300 (~$4300)! You could buy a new car nowadays with that kind of money. However, my expression remained calm. I looked at Neil sometimes but he didn’t even mention anything about the prices. I felt myself in the obligation to act like it was all normal to me

I remembered some conversations me and Neil had in the past: “Act like you’re entitled to the world”, “You positively grow with middle-class respectability”, “You’re not gonna wear sables and diamonds and be rude to the help, are you?”, “They’ll know you’re not one of them. But you’ll never notice when they’re looking down on you, that’s how people in high society treat people like you and Charlie”. I sighed in despair

-What is it? Nothing matches your photoplay dream?-He said sarcastically behind me and I noticed I had been staring at a dress for too long, lost in my own anxiety- I thought you said shopping lifted your spirits.

-Oh, nothing!-I looked at him- I was just thinking about the Ice Box that’s all, I was worried that-

-MC, I know you’re deeply infatuated with your illegal activities, but there’s nothing you can do from Boston

-I know- I let it go, it was just an excuse anyway. I was excited about the vacation and I couldn’t let the whole pressure just make me crumble. I had to prove to Neil that I was able to deal with whatever life threw my way. We were going to work this out together

-Say, why don’t you keep shopping? I’ll wait outside, all this glitter is hurting my eyes

-Alright, yea, I shouldn’t take long- I gave him a quick peck before he went out, I could see him grabbing a cigarette before turning my attention to the dresses

Alright, MC, you need to choose something classy enough but that won’t burn your pockets. Now, where do I find something that’s doesn’t cost more than $15 (~200)? I could spare that, it’s a special occasion.

Wishing I could have some gin in me right this second I went through the embarrassment of asking if they had anything around the price range I wanted. My luck was that there was a dress that was worth $100 (~1450) that was about to be thrown away because the zipper was broken. When I looked at the dress I didn’t understand why they’d throw it in the can.

It was beautiful. It was this pale pink color with a V-neck. The sleeved has the same gold details as the dress, but otherwise it was transparent. The details on the pale pink went down in waves until right below the knees. I smiled at it, it was perfect for the event of meeting Neil’s parents, and I’ve never worn anything like that.

I asked her if I could have it and she shrugged in a manner like she didn’t understand why I was even there. I couldn’t blame her, I didn’t know either. I got the dress for $20 (~280), it was more than I could at the moment, but I was just happy to have found something I could afford and still look ritzy in

Due to the extra money spent I couldn’t really go looking for shoes or accessories, but I wasn’t worried. What I had would work for this.

-Alright!- I caught Neil outside- I’m ready, first impressions are everything! Now I just need somewhere to put this stuff on!

Yes… Like the back of a rental car in a dark alley…

-It’s so convenient nowadays, you know, they started renting cars and everything right- I said huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf in the back seat getting my dress off and the new one on- So you can change in the middle of the road too

-I thought this way we could go places without having to use one of my family’s cars- Neil waited in the driver’s seat

-What’s wrong with your family’s cars, huh? Not ritzy enough for ya?-I put on the dress to realize it didn’t close in the back. Shoot! I forgot to ask what happened to the zipper. Think, think, think!

-It’s the contrary- Neil responded- If I remember well from back then, I always felt like I was in a circus truck, doubt they changed the way they do things- He seemed to hear me struggling- Do you need help back there?

-No! Nope! I am just fine- I said putting a pin on the zipper so this way it wasn’t broken anymore. It closed all the way up! The only thing was the pin showing a little bit on the top, which looked a little tacky, but with all the details in the dress it could be overlooked

-Let’s hurry then, I told them we should be there for lunch. With your little shopping going on, we’re late

-Sorry!- I put on my rhinestone tiara and went through my bag to find my golden pair of heels that matched the details on the dress, then I hurried up to the front seat- I’m ready, let’s scram!

Neil started to drive, I could feel him a little tense as he drove. I put on my hand on his leg squeezing it- Are you excited?

-When I left Boston I was twenty-four. I haven’t been back since

-Neil- I calmed my voice- They’ll be happy to see you, they’ll be thrilled. Especially Lucille, I really can’t wait to meet her. How old is she?

-We’re about ten years apart, she’s the youngest. So she should be about twenty-two right now. Damn…-He went quiet for a few seconds- When I left she was fourteen, now she’s a woman, married and is about to have a baby.

-Oh, little Cornelia- I smiled thinking about it

-Don’t remind me, I still feel for the kid

-Can it, Neil! It’s sweet. I can’t imagine how she must have felt when she got a letter in the mail from you

-I can’t believe I let you convince me to go through with this-He shook his head

-Hey, pal, I didn’t say anything! You wrote the letter to her yourself

Neil smiled, as if there was something in his thoughts he didn’t want to say out loud- I know.

We pulled up to a narrow street full of four stories apartments- I didn’t know they lived in a flat- I said, a little confused. I expected it-

-They’re not flats-Neil responded- They’re houses

My eyes widened looking again at the row of houses with my new perspective. It was pure Boston Brahmin. The houses were glued to one another, only separated by color, each of them were massive once I understood the four stories were for each family. Rows of fancy cars were parked in front of each designated house and U.S. flags stood in front of each one.

Neil parked in front of an elegant brick house, it was full of organized windows and one big wooden door stood right in the middle of the ground floor.

-Is this where you grew up?- I opened the car door on my side

-No, this is just the city house. I’d spend a lot of time here, but usually we’d be down by the estate

-Estate?- I turned to him, wondering if my ears heard right- Your family owns a estate?

-About 15 miles out of the city- He said like it was the most normal thing in the world.

I focused on my breathing not to let myself get too nervous. “Act like I’m entitled to the world” is what I kept playing in my head. I went around to meet Neil and then I noticed his look was distant

-Neil?-I shook him a little bit and he looked down at me, his face was not upset, but the usual mask wasn’t there either- What’s the matter?

He hesitated a little bit. Being back here must be hard. It’s still not easy for him to open up, so I appreciate it even more when he does- That house right there- he pointed. I looked back at the white magnificence across the road, just as beautiful as the one that belonged to Neil’s family. It had a black door instead of a wooden-colored one. No cars were in front of it, so it looked solemn, distant and different from the rest- It’s the Hasting house.

I looked back at him squeezing his hand- Alton…

-Yeah… Alton- He replied

I didn’t know what to say, I never knew what to say when Neil mentioned his past. But he said all he needed me to do was listen. I gave him a kiss on his cheek, hoping to comfort him. I was glad to see it got a smile out of him- Ready?

He breathed profoundly, turning his head back to the wooden door- Yes, I’m ready- He knocked on the door

----

It creaked as it opened, it was like seconds got transformed into hours. Once it was open a servant smiled. Some kind of butler? Gee, this is something else. However that only added to the moment. He positioned himself by the door, looking into an area in front of him I could only imagine it was the living room. He stuffed his chest like it was the most important thing he was going to say in his life to the ones who waited

-Cornelius Dresner is home

I nodded to Neil, letting him walk in first. He took his hat off as he walked, each step seemed to hold anticipation in them. I walked in right after, but staying away from him. I understood this was a precious moment, so my eyes turned to watch instead.

The silence was so expansive you could hear if cotton balls fell on the ground. When Neil stood there, a second set of steps started. My eyes turned to a very visibly pregnant woman, who could be due anytime soon. She had bright icy blue eyes, her blonde bob fell elegantly on her face. She had the posture of a porcelain doll and her face resembled Neil’s.

She stopped right in front of him looking up at his face, like she was examining every detail, her serious face was beautiful in that light. I assumed that was Lucille, the one who never gave up on him. They now held this very serious starting contest, I almost thought no one was going to say anything

-You got old- Her melodic voice let out and Neil burst into laughter at the same time she did. He hugged her carefully but tightly

-And you grew big, in more ways than one- He joked with her but then turned serious- Lucille, I’m sorry…

-Oh, forget that! You’re here now…

Others walked up to them, I counted them in my head and assumed mother, father, Maude and Warren. I let them have their moment. It was so intimate I stepped back not wanting to hear much. It was like Neil had gone off to a war, survived and now was home once more. In a way, that’s what had happened. Neil had won, or at least started to win, his internal battles and now he had made it back there. I smiled watching the scene. He didn’t reserve any smiles and his family seemed to be everything but mad at him. They relented.

I couldn’t help but think how proud I was of him

A few minutes passed, they started pulling him to the living room to “sit, relax and update them on everything that’s been going on”, then he looked at me and stopped them in their tracks

-Wait- He walked over to me and then looked at them. This was the first time they noticed I was there. I didn’t blame them, Neil had all their attention- This is Mary

The older woman, I’m assuming Neil’s mother walked over and I felt the chills down my spine. She had cold eyes but a warm face. You could watch her and feel that she was judging you and it made you wonder if she considered you worthy of her time. She was the image of classiness, the peak of the upper class. She was one of those wealthy people you see walking by and wonder how they must live. She walked like she had books piled up on top of her head. More charm than Vera Peters, that was for sure, but I felt bad that her aura reminded me of the former mayor’s wife. After all, I wanted to attribute her to someone nice

-Of course- She smiled- Miss Granger, right?

-That’s me! - I smiled- It’s a pleasure to meet you ma’am- I was going to say something about how beautiful her house are and introduce myself to the others, but she turned her eyes somewhere else

-Please collect their bags, you can put Neil’s in his room-She said to the servant- And Miss Granger’s bags can take to the spare room downstairs

-Mother- Neil interrupted her- I’d like Mary to stay in the guest room upstairs- He said in an imposing a tone. If there was a guest room upstairs, I got a weird feeling about her asking for me to sleep downstairs in what I could safely assume was an underground floor.

-Fine, yes. Take hers to one of the guest rooms- She said and the servant started moving according to orders

When I turned around, Lucille was walking up to me and Neil. She in turn had kinder eyes, and I could see them a little wet. The pregnancy probably added to the emotion of her beloved brother coming home

-Miss Granger, it’s a pleasure to meet you. My brother spoke highly of you in his letter- I didn’t know whether to pay attention to her eyes or the diamonds she wore

-He must have flattered me too much- I said shyly. She wasn’t much older than me, but she spoke clearly and no slangs were in sight

-I only speak the truth- He said behind me

-I’m sure- she replied- I understand it’s you I must thank for having him write me

-I may have pushed him a little bit- I squeezed his hand- But he made the decision on his own

Neil introduced me to rest of his family. His father seemed a tad quiet just like him, his other younger siblings greeted me well, and he reintroduced me to his mother who was next to talk again

-It’s so nice of you to wear something so simple to come see us. I did hope you felt at home- She mentioned I could feel my face getting hot- Why don’t we all sit down, there’s much to talk about!

I was more nervous now than when I first walked, but I didn’t want to let on everything was getting to me.

The living room was mainly white, so white it was like staring at snow in the sun. The couches were the most comfortable seat I had ever felt. In this place where comfort was displayed all around, I felt all the eyes and social pressure of high society that made me feel like it was the most uncomfortable place in the world. What calmed me was Neil sitting next to me and his hand on my waist.

-How’s life in Chicago?- Lucille asked- I tried asking Drummond when you wouldn’t reply but he always told me you weren’t working for him anymore

-Yes, I only worked with him for a few years- He continued, and I was sure he was going to give them the clean version of the story- Turns out we didn’t get along so well. I moved to this neighborhood where I met this man called Charles Granger. He in very involved with the city’s anti-saloon league and involved in the politics and he takes care of the neighborhood he lives in, it turns out they were in need of a doctor. So he offered me a job and I accepted, worked with him ever since. He helped me get settled, I do owe him a lot

-Well, we’ll be sure to send Mr. Granger our regards for taking care of you- His mom gave a forced smile. I’m sure she had questions but it was noticeable she was trying to be on Neil’s good side, afraid he might escape again

-So my life was settled there. A few years later he announced to me and his associates that his niece was coming from Ohio to live with him. She helps him out at work and that’s how we met, through Charlie

-And now you’re seeing each other- His mother continued

He smiled softly- MC and I are engaged, mother. I mentioned in the letters

-Oh yes, Lucille told us the news- Her tone seemed like… Disappointment? No, I’m just reading too much into it

I had to do something to break the ice- We were planning for it to happen in late April, early May, wait until the cold passes by

-Yes, it’s smart to wait a while-She smiled at me- A lot can happen in those months, things might end up different

I held my breath, I couldn’t pretend to be dumb to myself. She was definitely unhappy with Neil’s choice. For the first time I felt a sting in my chest. It wasn’t embarrassment or anxiety. It was… Insecurity. I usually never lacked confidence and I was sure that I could take everything and anyone. However, being on the receiving side of the looks from Neil’s mother made me feel like a pin in a haystack. Tiny and lost.

-We weren’t planning on waiting too long- Neil said. Even he acted different around his family, but his tone was firmer. I knew it was him sticking up for me in the ritziest way there was. So I appreciated in silence.

-I hope you don’t mind that we organized a ball for your return- She said excited, changing the subject- We invited the Hastings, the neighbors, just close people to spend the night with us

-Oh mother, you know I always loved the balls you gave- He said in a sarcastic tone but she ignored it, Lucille did giggle though

-Get up and get ready-She said- Do you need me to send the valet upstairs?

-No! No... I can manage myself- He said walking towards the stairs and taking me with him

She then spoke to me before we left- Oh dear, you’ll want to wear something a little bit more elegant for tonight

Once we were in the second floor I couldn’t help but look around. There was a piano room and then a corridor of doors, I assumed they were bedrooms. It seemed kind of oddly placed, surely nobody would like to sleep while the piano is being played right outside their doors. However, everything inside was so white the black piano was a welcoming contrast.

-So… I’m guessing balls are a normal thing in the upper class

-It’s traditional, not my thing if you ask me- He lowered his voice to say the last part

-I’d imagine not

I didn’t have much time to admire the guest room, even though I did notice that its grandiosity made it hard to imagine that it was a room that didn’t belong to anyone. I sat on the bed stressed, wondering how I was going to find something in my bag that would fit the expectations of Momma Dresner. The fanciest dress I could find didn’t impress her, and now I had to step up my game for an official “welcome home Neil” ball

In the middle of my mind’s perturbations, a knock on the door got my attention. When I opened the door, Lucille was standing there smiling

-Mrs. Branford!- I started

-Lucille is fine, if I can call you Mary

-MC- I stepped out of the way to let her in- What can I do for you?

-My mother, she is… Traditional- She sat on the loveseat by the window- I’m not going to lie. People like her, they are not easily impressed by… People like you

-People like me, you mean middle-class

She nodded- Yes, it’s in her ways. The Dresners, they come from very old money. Me, Neil and our siblings, we’re more used to the ways things are nowadays. But our mother never really spent much time with people who didn’t have as much money as she did. So she always looks down on them- She looked back at me- And she always expected Neil to marry an indoor, wealthy girl if you know what I mean

I must’ve made a face, because the look of sympathy rested on her eyes- She doesn’t think I’m worthy of Neil

-Yes, MC, but you must understand it’s old thinking. She thinks that solely based on money. Besides, it’s a little tougher on Neil because he is the oldest of us. That makes him have to marry the perfect woman in her eyes.

I looked at her- The oldest… So…

-Neil is the heir of our estate. Of our parents fortune.

My eyes went wide. It must’ve been obvious, but I just realized that- I never thought of it that way.

-Listen, MC. When Neil left Boston, after Alton passed away… He was not just unhappy. He was lost, his eyes were haunted. He was cold and it seemed like all life from him was just gone. He had this hard edge, and he estranged himself from all of us- She looked at nothing, but I could see pain in her eyes- When he came back from France I convinced myself I would never see the Neil I use to know before the war again, I knew some of his troubles. Then a few years after he left I started to convince myself I’d never see him again- She turned her eyes to me- And then a few months after knowing you he writes back, and then he comes home. On top of it, although there’s still a hard edge on him, I can see it in his eyes that you make him happy. I can see the old Neil in him. That’s why I know you’re more than worthy to be with my brother, you brought him back from the darkness he lived in

Wow. I was so caught up in what she said. It was nice knowing she was on my side- Lucille, I didn’t really do much… I

-No humbleness. Just take some credit for it. I can see you care for him very much

I nodded exaggeratedly- I love Neil.

-And you can see it in his eyes he loves you-She got up this time, going to a dresser in the room- My brother will be happy with you, and I’m so excited to have you as my new sister. However, convincing my parents require a different approach- She pulled out a dress. A beautiful and obviously expensive dress

It was a salmon color, a soft V-neck that was more of an U and graceful short sleeves. While the looseness of the dress was there, it’d flatter whoever’s waist it was on with a slight inward curve, going down in a soft A-line. The dress ended right below the knees. The pattern on it was two colors. One the color of the dress, only visible if you really paid attention to it, the other was white and in the shape of leaves, like a garden going around and forming a heart around the chest area, small flower-like drawings of the same color elegantly finished the dress.

-Oh Lucille, it’s beautiful, but I couldn’t-

-Yes, you can. It doesn’t fit me anymore and it’d help you impress everybody, plus I’m sure Neil would love to see you in it. C’mon, put it on

I hesitantly did so, and once I saw myself in the mirror with it, it made it a lot easier to accept it. I loved it- Thank you, Lucille

-We’re not done. It’s not just the dress- She said pulling some accessories out. First she fixed my curls, like she watched people doing hers enough times to know how. Then she placed a white headband on my head. It had a details on the side, I didn’t dare ask if they were diamonds or something else. A pearl necklace was put around my neck, I asked myself if they were real pearls. Lastly she brought in beautiful heels. They were white as well, clasped in the middle of my feet, and closed in a salmon bow.

When I finished putting them on I looked myself in the mirror again. Oh boy, Momma would pass out if she saw me like this. Poppa would finally consider me his pride. I was all dolled-up. That sensation that I was an imposter grew in me, but then I was only human. I felt confident again- What do you think? - I asked her

-I think you’re ready to face them. Now, I have to go get dressed myself

-For sure, yes- I smiled to her- Thank you Lucille, really

-You brought my brother home back to us… It’s the least I could’ve done- She hugged me tight- Remind me to properly introduce you to Michael at the ball

I agreed laughing lowly and feeling a lot better

A little while after I heard another knock on my door, when I opened it, I was more than happy to see it was Neil. He seemed surprised at my get-up at first, then he smiled

-I see you’ve had some help

-Well, your sister came in and-

-You look beautiful- he offered me his hand and I took it. I was going to say something smart, but the look in his eyes was so sincere I didn’t want to ruin the moment

-Thanks- I said instead- Did everyone already leave?

-Well, lucky for me, I’m the reason of this party- He said it in a sarcastic tone- So I get to come in late and be the center of attention, I’m hoping their curiosity about you takes some of it away from me.

-Neil Dresner is back home, and he brought a low-class girl with him and he’s saying he’s gonna marry her?-I raised my voice to sound like upper-crust gossip- My oh my, Doctor Dresner, quite a scandal

He gave me that warm smile that went all the way up to his eyes. The one that always makes me feel the jitters in a good way

However I wasn’t done- They’ll probably think you’ve gone crazy and send you to a psych ward or think you’ve knocked me up and now you’re stuck with me- I pretended to hold a fan imitating the rich older women- Disgraceful, truly disgraceful

This time he let out a laugh, a harsh laugh, but a long one that sounded like melody to me. For a second I thought he wouldn’t stop laughing, and then I started up laughing too. We walked all the way to the car like that

-People will think I’ve gone soft if I spend too much time with you- He said

-You agreed to spend the rest of your life with me. You’ll be the biggest softie the United States has ever seen

He let out a harsh chuckle this time, as if he told me he wouldn’t ever let that happen. Then the servant from before opened the back door of a fancy car, it had a long hood and it was half black and half white, a wheel sat on its side. I could also see a chauffeur in the front

-Wow, you’re getting the whole ritzy treatment today- I said getting into the car and we were on our way

-You get used to this kind of stuff- He mentioned and then turned to me- You will…- Before I could ask what he meant, he kept going- You know, during these balls we were required to attend, me and Alton would usually spend the entire time together. He didn’t use to be a fan of it either. Having him there… It always made it feel better, it always made it fun somehow- Then he turned to look at me- Having you there, it’s going to make it feel better

I smiled, filled with emotion, but I had to say something- You’re definitely turning soft on me

He rolled his eyes-I should’ve known better than being nice with you, Granger

Our verbal sparring continued until we stopped in front of a big house, the doors were open to reveal a ball room at the bottom of the stairs. I’ve done this before. They’ll announce us and we’ll go down and I’ll act like I’m entitled to the world

So we did just that. The servant opened the car door and Neil took my hand to help me out of the car. Then, I took his arm and we walked in to the top of the stars. People there looked at Neil like he was a rare diamond, like the king of England just walked in. I could feel his tenseness with the looks, but the preparedness for it in his eyes, he whispered to the announcer and then held my arm tighter

-Mr. Cornelius Dresner of Boston and his fiancée Miss Granger

-C’mon- I said lowly and he followed, so we both went down the stairs.

At the bottom of it his family came over again, and soon I could see people looking and gossiping. It was a good hour of walking around and talking to his family and everyone Neil once used to know and introducing me. I felt like I was in one of those old periods of time when the upper crust used to announce engagements.

After a while I was talking to Lucille while Neil talked to some of the other men. Then she looked behind me and got closer to whisper something- Look, Momma just took Neil to talk to Lillie and left them alone

I looked around feeling my heart jump, at first I felt was surprised. I remember who Lillie was, Lucille’s best friend and… Neil’s ex-fiancée. I remember feeling pity for her because Neil left her, but the pangs of jealousy struck me once I saw her.

She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, for the second time that day I felt insecurity, but this made me feel much tinier. Because I knew Neil’s mother approved of her, because she was part of the high society and she grew up in it. Her pale skin, her green eyes, her dark smooth hair. She was tall and charming, she was the figure of elegancy. I also knew Neil found her attractive, that he was romantically involved with her once. If he used to love her, how can I be sure all those feelings are gone? No… It’s just the atmosphere and everything, it’s just all throwing me off.

I must’ve been so shaken up I felt paralyzed. Lucille shook me- Hey… Hey! They walked outside. We can spy on them from over in that room- She said pulling me along, I wasn’t even paying attention until I was already there. It was a dark room, looked like an office? Lucille brought us to a window, the drapes were almost closed so you couldn’t see us, but we could spy on them

-I have missed you, Neil- She looked up to him, and her eyes were shining. I knew what that look was… She was still in love with him- I haven’t courted anyone else- She showed him her hand- I’m still wearing the ring you picked out for me.

-I didn’t really pick it out, Lillie it was…

-Yeah, your grandmother’s. You told me remember? You got it when you were fourteen. It was to keep it to the woman you loved the most, to the woman you wished to spend the rest of your life with, whom you’ll always love and that woman shall always love you- She held his hands this time and I felt my stomach sink- You told me that you would always love me if I always loved you back-She got closer to him, this time placing her hand on his face- Here I am, still loving you. Can you say everything was washed away?

He took a few steps back, his confusion could be seen on his face. I wondered what he had to be confused about- Nothing is ever just washed away, Lillie. You of all people should know that.

My heart hurt, what did he mean by that, did he mean his feelings for her were still there?

She smiled softly-Neil… You never gave me closure. You never ended our engagement. One day you were just gone. People kept telling me that you were gone for good-She looked away at the stars, it was a well moonlit light. It was perfectly romantic, but that didn’t fit me one bit in that moment. I hated the romanticism of the stars and the shine that it gave on her face. I hated that it made her look more beautiful- But me and Lucille we knew you’d come back to us. That you’d come back to me. And you were so troubled when you left…

-Lillie…-He looked at the stars now too- I’m sorry for what I’ve done in the past. There’s a lot of stuff I’ve done that I can’t fix and I have to live with it. But I got a second chance to make things better. I’m not the same man who proposed to you back then

-Then how is it I look in your eyes and I see him? I see my Neil

I don’t know if I was feeling anger, sadness or disbelief. It could’ve been all of those together. Lillie knows Neil is engaged to me, she must know, we were announced together. You’d think she’d have some respect

-You see what you want to see, Lillie. You think you love me but you don’t

-I went after you! I went to Chicago-He looked at her with interest, she was caught up in her emotions, crying now- Mr. Drummond told me how you were troubled, lost in… Morphine, was it? I looked for you all around the city, and I couldn’t find you. I’m fighting for you Neil. I can’t give up on us

He breathed funny- Lillie-

Before he could say anything else she hugged him, and he hugged her back for my surprise. When was it that Neil hugged any girl like that?

-Seemed you two form quite the spies- A voice behind us said- Me and Lillie jumped. It was Neil’s mother, and she seemed satisfied from what she saw outside, seeing as she was the facilitator in the situation- You see, Miss Granger. Neil belongs back here, in Boston. And you belong is whatever infested middle-class house you came from with your people. You will never be worthy of my son, and of course it only took the right girl to pull him back into his senses.

-Mother…!- Lucille started

-I’ve had enough of it, Lucille! The little gal needs to know her place. Did you think you could ever make your way into OUR family?

I didn’t say anything. This was so far away from my reality at the Ice Box, my family or everything that I’d ever done before. I couldn’t… I can’t handle this.

-I have to go- It was the only thing I could say before flying out of there. I got back in the car asking for the driver to take me back to the town house, once I was in I couldn’t stop my racing thoughts until I was in the guest room, packing my bags.

But then I stopped. Neil… I can’t just leave him like this. I was so mad at him, I was so mad at all of this, I… I want to go back to Chicago. I looked in the mirror again, all dressed up in fancy things, this isn’t who I am. I surprised myself by ripping it all out of me, putting on my favorite green dress and hat, the ones I wore all the time. Once I was back in clothes that made me recognize myself I swore I’d never again try to be somebody I wasn’t. C’mon MC, you always knew you didn’t have to prove anything to anybody.

But I let my stupid wandering thoughts continue. Neil knelt down in front of Lillie once and asked her to marry him. He asked her to marry him, not me. She had a ring on her finger, not me.

I don’t know how much time had passed by when I heard people in the house.

-MC!- I heard Neil’s voice from downstairs- MC!- He didn’t knock on my door, just walked in- Lucille, she told me you listened to me and Lillie talk

-Yeah, I heard it, alright

-I…-He was going to say something when he saw the bag I started to pack, then he looked at me, visibly mad- You were leaving? Without me?

-No! Not without you. I was gonna wait for you- I walked until him- Let’s go back to Chicago

-We’ve only been here a day

-I can’t be here anymore, Neil. Please, let’s leave

-I haven’t been back in years. You convince me to write to my sister, convince me to come over here, we’re here less than 24 hours and you want me to leave? I just got the courage to be here

-Neil, today has been the most stressful day of my life! I have been dressing up like a paper doll, I have been trying to impress your mother and all I’ve been hearing is how much I’m not worthy, how I won’t fit in, how I’m way in over my head! I have been feeling nothing but insecure, down and I’ve been trying to do everything for you, but I can’t- I was rambling on and tears had begun falling from my eyes, but I didn’t even care- I’ve been keeping a stone face all day trying to make you happy because I know this is huge, but it’s tiring! It’s tiring feeling so out of place, and then hearing your mother say all those things, and then I walked out there to the ball and you go in a secluded area with your beautiful ex-fiancée to exchange words of love under the moonlight?!

-I didn’t say any words of love!- He raised his voice, more than I’ve ever heard him raise it before- I was feeling bad for Lillie, I left her and never came back after promising her a married life! I gave her time because I was trying to fix what I did wrong in the past, with everyone!

I didn’t know what to say or think- Neil, let’s just please, go!

-Yes, I think it’s time you went back to Chicago, if you’re going to behave like this the whole trip you should go!

I looked back at him wide-eyed- You don’t mean…!

-I thought I saw a woman, MC. But how could I, you’re nineteen! I’m thirty-two. You’re the same kid I saw the first night you came to Chicago.

I looked right at him as I wiped my tears off my face, then I grabbed my bag I had packed. Neil called Lillie a ghost back in Chicago, but he was wrong. Lillie wasn’t a ghost, nothing back in Boston or his past life had anything to go with ghosts, ghosts terrify you, but he seemed just fine where he was. Maybe this is where Neil belongs after all. But it’s sure not where I belong.

That night for me was the true ghostly aura. A memory that’d haunt me forever. I left Boston, alone, under the beautiful moonlight that would have enchanted me otherwise. I left with only one certainty: I’ll be dead before somebody ever mentions the name Neil Dresner to me ever again!

1933

-Alright, ready?- I asked and the kids all agreed. Neil wasn’t one to make a big deal out of his birthday, but after a few ones together he knew there was no point in fighting against it. I’d always want it to make it a special day, so we settled on a cake and some candles. Just me, him and the kids- One, two, three!

The kids along with me started our little choir, for that man that was so special to all of us- Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear daddy! Happy birthday to you!

-Do we really need to do this every year?-He asked, cynically, but with a little smile on his face

-Alright, mister doom and gloom! We have this discussion every year!- I kissed him in the cheek

We all had our piece of cake. After putting the kids to bed, I walked outside, the moon was shining in the sky and it was a cold January night. Neil soon joined me- One more year close to death- He said raising his glass, then proceeding to drink the bourbon inside it

-You always know how to lighten up the mood-I pulled him in for a hug and along with it a long kiss

-You’re something else, MC, you know that?

-I’ve been told-I smiled up to him, mischievously

-You can never have any idea of how much I love you- He played with my hair, moving it out of my face

-I have some

He chuckled very softly, almost inaudibly- I just ask one thing of you, MC Granger… Never change who you are

----

Little curiosities: DRAAAAAMA. I thought they deserved a little fight and angst. Well, next chapter we’ll be back in Chicago and it’s time for the Ice Box to shine again! Woo Woo, Prohibition stuuuff!

Thanks so much for reading this chapter, guys! Hope you enjoyed it!

Chapter 4 is already on its way!

-Candy, My Dear Diary (5/24/2020)

[cricketbatbest-blog]

The best & strong cricket bat

Cricket, like most other sports, has been severely affected by the coronavirus pandemic. England's Test series with West Indies in July was played in a biosecure environment and the domestic season has been reformatted for the 2020 season.

The Bob Willis Trophy – a one-off tournament involving all 18 counties – finally got underway on 1 August, some three weeks after amateur players were given the go-ahead to return to the crease.

Though we're well into the summer now, there's still plenty of cricket to be played, which means it's still worth considering buying a new bat. But with so many brands offering a variety of ranges, selecting the right willow for you can be a tricky task.

Fortunately, that's where we come in. We've compiled this handy round-up of the finest bats around, along with a buying guide detailing what things to consider before making a purchase. Whether you’re a Boycott-esque blocker or a blistering Buttler, we’ve got you covered.

How to buy the best cricket bat for you

What type of bat should I buy?

 This all depends on what sort of player you are. You may not be happy to hear this, but getting your hands on the very best cricket bat money can buy won’t transform you into Sachin Tendulkar overnight. What’s important is to buy one that suits your own style and plays to your strengths.

For instance, if you like to play the ball along the floor, you’re going to need a weightier bat with a lower middle. Conversely, those that like to play more expansive shots will want a lighter bat, with a higher sweet spot and thicker edges. Naturally, there are also bats on the market that bridge the gap between these two extremes, and will suit players with a more rounded style.

How much should I spend?

 Again, this depends on what type of bat you’re after. As a general rule for part-time players we would recommend a lower limit of around £60, and an absolute upper limit of £400. If you dream of emulating the likes of Root and Kohli, you can certainly find bats for more than this but, for the most part, models that go for between £100-£200 should do the job just fine.

What size is right for me?

 For the vast majority of senior players, or those who are between 5ft 8in and 6ft 3in tall, a Short Handle (33.5in x 4.25in) bat fits the bill. For the amazonian amongst us, Long Handles (34.375in x 4.25in) can be bought from some retailers, although these may have to be ordered specifically in advance, since many retailers don’t keep Long Handles in stock.

For junior cricketers, a much wider range of bat sizes is available. From size 1 right up to size 6, followed by ‘Harrow’ (32.75in x 4.16in) – the latter generally aimed at those between 14-18 years of age. For a full lowdown, check out 

What else do I need to consider?

 As long as you’ve purchased a bat that suits your style and is the right size for you, then there’s not much else you need to worry about. You can buy all manner of different grips from your local sportswear shop for not very much money, but as long as you replace these at least one or two times per season, there’s not much to choose between them in the long run.

One thing that is vitally important, however, is to make sure that you properly prepare your bat before using it in matches. Linseed oil and a knocking-in mallet are essential purchases to help achieve this – not only are you going to want an effective piece of willow but, at today’s prices, one that will last you a long time. Last but not least, taking time to choose pads and gloves that fit you snugly is also more than worth it.

 The best cricket bats to buy

 1. Kookaburra Kahuna 3.1: The best all-round cricket bat

 Kookaburra’s Kahuna range represents the best all-round option for the everyday village cricketer. It’s the perfect bat for those of us just looking to turn out for our local village team on a Saturday and score a few runs.

Originally developed in collaboration with Aussie great Ricky Ponting in 2001, the Kahuna has stood the test of time for nearly two decades now. The reason for that? Well, you can’t really go wrong with the Kahuna: it’s easy pickup and mid-blade sweet spot help it to suit almost any style of play. Its striking new design isn’t half-bad, either.

A variety of willow grades are available, but we think the Kahuna 3.1 represents a sensibly-priced mid-range option at £250

2. New Balance Burn+: The best bat for T20 specialists

 21st-century cricket has been dominated by the rise of the Twenty20 format, so it’s inevitable that bat manufacturers would bombard us with specialist products. Kookaburra gave us the 

Our favourite of the T20 specialists however, is New Balance’s Burn+. Yes, it’s expensive, but you’re really getting what you pay for here. It’s lightweight pickup and mid-blade sweet spot make it ideal for quickfire, reactive shotmaking – particularly

3. Gunn & Moore GM Siren 202: The best bat for juniors

 Industry heavyweights Gunn & Moore (GM) have been a mainstay in cricket kit bags worldwide since 1936. The Nottinghamshire-based bat supplier produces a wide range of bats but this particular one is aimed at juniors making their way in the game. It's not flashy but is made with attacking cricket in mind: its swell runs almost all the way down to the toe of the bat, while its shortened blade and concaving ensure the pickup remains smooth.

The Siren 202 comes with a Toetek toe guard and face cover so is ready for immediate use and resistant to the punishment it will take as your youngster thrashes the ball to all corners of the ground. It's extremely well-priced, too, which is important

 Kookaburra Concept 20 6: The best cricket bat under £100

 The Kookaburra Concept 20 6 is, as its name suggests, a bat created with a very specific vision. Combining a higher middle, unique scalloping running all the way to the toe, shortened blade and oval counter-balanced handle, the Concept 20 6 is made for playing big shots. Whether you favour a heave over cow corner, smashing the ball straight back over the bowler's head or a cheeky reverse pull, this affordable blade is a strokemaker's dream.

 MRF Chase Master: The best cricket bat if money were no object

 It’s nothing but the best for this offering from Indian cricket giant MRF. The Chase Master is crafted from top of the range English willow, and the highest-end model, listed above, is on a par with bats used by world-class players such as Indian megastar Virat Kohli.

Being from the subcontinent, MRF traditionally produces bats with a significant bow, to enable players to swat away spin on dusty tracks with consummate ease. The Chase Master is different, however, in that it features big edges and shoulders, alongside a square toe to help lower the bat’s centre of gravity and give power when driving. As a result, it’s just as suitable in English conditions as it is in south Asia. If you want the best bat money can buy, look no further than the MRF Chase Master.

 Millichamp & Hall The Original: A beautifully-crafted cricket bat

 If you’re a cricket purist, then Millichamp & Hall won't be an unfamiliar name to you. Founded in 1987, master batmaker M&H has been crafting some of the finest willow money can buy at its County Ground, Taunton home for over 30 years now. The Original is its most recognisable creation and made entirely from English willow. It's not particularly widely-used by the pros but you'll often see it being wielded by Somerset players, including England spinner and blocking extraordinaire Jack Leach.

The M&H Original has a beautifully weighted pickup and a meaty sweet spot: there are few better feelings than middling one with this bat. But perhaps its true standout feature is its design. With a white grip, green stripes and old-school red font, the M&H Original is minimalistic, understated, yet extremely elegant.