#i bet they taste like regular carrots too

[darth-kote]

star wars lore is so great bc sometimes it's very deep and meaningul and philosophical, and then you get smth like space carrots

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Cassie and her dad in the Meteors AU letting Roxy try different kinds of cake to find out what her favorite is so they can make that for her birthday, because sure she'd been PROGRAMMED to say she likes certain kinds (usually just agreeing with the birthday child probably), but she never actually got to have any for herself (or even if she did, maybe her tastes are different once she's real).

Yeeeeeeessss

Roxy was never allowed to eat in Meteors. Meteors works on the animatronics being as physically accurate to canon as possible, so they're clunky, have hands that can't close properly, limited expressions, and no ability to eat or taste. They're pretty uniform in base design across the board so there's no exceptions to that even for Chica, thus, Roxy has never had cake or anything else before. I don't think she'd programmed to say she likes whatever the birthday kid likes, I think she'd be programmed to like her own Fazbear Brand flavours, which are the grape Fizzy Faz and stuff. There's no way she's supposed to like carrot cake, that's probably a Bonnie flavour cake. Roxy (and the others of course) are beyond their programming though so they can say whatever they want within reason so long as they're not caught. Anyway.

Literally every food and drink is brand new to Roxy and sometimes it's really fun to give her things just to see her reaction. Cassie felt particularly funny one day and gave her a lemon slice. She laughed so damn hard at her face she literally ate the whole slice in one bite and the regret... she said she wouldn't fall for it again but she absolutely did when Cassie's dad gave her a lime lmao

Anyway, Cassie and her dad have made a few cakes before, so they get Roxy in on baking cupcakes with them so she can try a bunch of flavours without them having a huge cake to get through by themselves if she doesn't like it. It's fun and Roxy learns a lot about baking through this! I bet she'd be so damn excited to try carrot cake. She could like it a lot, but it maybe not be her favourite. It was probably one of the first ones they made after a regular sponge or something. They have to start simple, right? Basic flavour first and she can judge the others against it!

I like to think chocolate would be her favourite, followed by carrot. I looked it up and apparently you can get chocolate carrot cake so maybe they try that and either think it's great or it's the worst thing they've ever had lmao but yeah, they were always trying to get more foods for Roxy to try so it was really easy to start this cake baking thing with her without her suspecting it was also research for her upcoming birthday. They give her the chocolatiest cake they could possibly make for her birthday and while it's at the edge of Cassie's sugar tolerance and way out of her dad's sugar tolerance, it's perfect for Roxy and she loves it! When they said they were going to pull out all of the stops for Roxy's first ever birthday, they meant it with the cake too, if sugar rushes were a real thing, Roxy would have the zooms for days with this lmao

Yeah every food they have on Roxy's birthday are her favourites. They've played the long game here, Cassie has a notebook to help her and Roxy keep track of what she's tried and what she's rated it out of ten. It's an invaluable resource for making sure she has all the best stuff on her birthday. The only thing on there they struggle to get is a slushie that she tried in a Fazbear Arcade but they find a way!

[macamonium]

god help

I'm writing this thing and it's gonna make me cry lol

this is (hopefully) gonna be part of a larger fic, but as I was jotting down the outline this just dripped out. its abt self-love thru good food and Bakugou learning to forgive himself the right way

maybe tw for eating disorder stuff, though that's not what the fic will be about

Bakugou emptied a full-sodium packet of beef bouillon into the pan. The smell drafted through the dorm’s empty kitchen, and his mind wandered with it.

He knew, regrettably, that he reflexively went for the full-sodium bouillon because of his mom. Mitsuki had the same impatience for low-fat and low-calorie “diet” foods that she did for backtalk and attitude. She scoffed at the TV whenever it lit up with commercials of dancing, ever-thinning crackers, or the new zero-calorie alternative for something that was never meant to be low-calorie. Sour cream, for chrissakes! It’s fucking dairy, it’s meant to be that way!

She lectured Bakugou about it when he was really little, on some Saturday in the middle of summer. He was inside for the afternoon nursing an injury from what he reported was a particularly slippery log in the forest. Really, it was payback from a sore-loser gang of fifth graders. So his ankle wasn’t really twisted, but his chin sure was bruised - that log had a mean right hook. No way in hell was he letting the neighborhood kids see his face like that, so he was there, in the kitchen, pretending to take extra care of his left foot while Mitsuki made them lunch.

Stirring the curry in his own pan, which was now simmering, Bakugou could picture it more clearly than he had in a long, long while. He had been sitting on the farthest barstool - yeah, it was that one because one of the legs was loose and he was rocking back and forth, back and forth, and when his head swung along with it his mom’s hands, stirring the pan, popped in and out of view from behind the milk carton. He smiled softly to himself now, taking stock of how he was standing. How similar it was. Was she making curry that day?

If Bakugou couldn’t remember exactly what she said, he could make a pretty good guess on how she’d phrase it. He just knew her that well. He could hear her now - it'd have gone something like this:

“You see, when they first started puttin’ the nutrition facts on the packages of food products, back in, like, the 1920s, the chemists had a field day. I mean, really, they ran that industry.”

Katsuki didn’t know what industry was, but he liked hearing his mama talk.

“And at that time, chemistry wasn’t what it is now. It wasn’t molecules and atomic structure and that kinda thing, it was grams of this and milliliters of that. Still, that was more than regular people knew, so it was left to the specialists.”

She held the spatula out for him to lick. He took it in two chubby hands.

“More spice, mama.”

“Whatever you say, baby. And wipe your chin.” He used the bottom of his shirt, but she didn’t say anything. His dad wasn’t around for that kind of thing.

“Don’t get me wrong, knowing what’s in your food is great.” She gestured carelessly with the lick-marked spatula before plunging it back into the curry. “Certainly better than whatever was going on before. They used to put cocaine in Coca-Cola, you know.”

“What’s cocaine, mama?”

“A drug, baby. Makes you go crazy for a while. Don’t go trying it, and don’t go repeating it - though I suppose that’s hard in earnest, it’s what the ‘Coca’ in Coca-Cola is named after.”

“It’s named after D-RUGS??” Katsuki sat forward in his seat, but the squeaky leg cursed a whine at him and he sat back.

“That’s right: Drugs,” Mitsuki said to her eight-year old, her eyes wide. “Though people don’t make that connection anymore so they didn’t ever rebrand. They used to drink Coca-Cola when people got sick. It cleared out your sinuses, sure, but it also made you shout really loud and go streaking through the park. Ha! Anyway, where was I?”

“The. Uh… oh, the nutriss- nuturish-”

“Ah, nutritional facts. Say it with me, baby: Nutrition. Noo-trish-un.”

“Nutrition,” they said together. Katsuki smiled. Bet dumb Deku doesn’t know that one.

“So, the legacy of old-fashioned chemistry is that the nutritional value of foods isn’t really evaluated beyond the physical makeup of the food.” These were big words but Katsuki got the gist, and Mitsuki knew that. “It doesn’t tell you what those things do for you and your body, beyond ‘fat is bad, protein is good,’ and even that’s just considered on a physical level in regards to your body. There is so much more to food mentally, and emotionally, that goddamn counts as nutrition.”

“God-damn.”

“Yeah, don’t say that,” she said half-heartedly. “And I don’t just mean ‘veg out whenever you need it solely because it makes you feel good.’ Don’t totally disregard physical nutrition. I mean that food making you feel good shouldn't be totally disregarded either. Spices, for instance.” Katsuki cheered from his seat. “Yeah, you like spice.

“Food should taste good. It drives me up the goddamn wall when I see those health bitches on the TV drain out the grease from their meat. Right down the sink. That’s what makes it taste good! If you don’t want grease, eat turkey! And the ‘nutritional’ benefits of draining the grease hardly outweigh the emotional satisfaction of a good-tasting meal. At that point, it’s just a practice in self-sabotage, in pointless, self-inflicted suffering. And for what, so you get kudos from Nestle, who happens to be rolling out their new line of trans-fat free crackers? Please.”

She ladled the curry onto a plated bed of rice with a sigh. The smell made Katsuki’s tummy gurgle. He licked his lips really slowly, the same way he saw Spongebob do on the TV that morning.

“Anyway, my point is - when something tastes good, that’s good nutrition. Being healthy is being happy, and if the food you’re eating makes you happy, that is healthy. I’ll eat my pickles whole from the jar, even if Dr. Oz gives me a lip about ‘it’s too much sodium,’ and do you know why? Because I love the crunch of a fresh pickle, and I know that as sure as I know that there’s two grams of carbs in it because the sticker on the side tells me so. I know I love it so I do it, and that’s a beautiful thing. That’s something I deserve.”

She slid the steaming plate, loaded with peas, potatoes, and carrots in curry, across the table to her son. He reached for the fork, but she snapped it away at the last second. Katsuki looked into his mom’s eyes. “Say it back to me, baby: ‘Food should taste good.’”

“Food should taste good, mama.”

“I deserve this good food.”

“I… I deserve this good food.”

“That’s my baby, now eat up.”

A tear squeezed through Bakugou’s eyes at the memory, and fell down his cheek into the pan. He didn’t even remember the last part until it all ran through his head.

God, he couldn’t help it, and there was no one around to prove anything to - he made the effort to muffle himself with shallow breaths, but he let the tears flow free and hot down their tracks. This time they reached his chin. He asked the ceiling, berating himself on how foolish he was to think it would answer: did he still even deserve it?

[1010ll]

do you have any new recipes that you've learned recently? i remember you wrote something a while ago about carbonara and i tried it out for myself it was really fun!!

i love this 😭 im gonna write way too much idec! something that has changed since that post: my kitchen is worse. i have a horrible combi oven which has resulted in me accidentally eating raw chicken, because it had been in there for more than 2 hours at supposedly 230 °C and i was really hungry and thought it HAD to be done by then. also i have less time and less money lol. it has made me a bit sad, and less motivated to cook nice things but i also love food! which means these tips/recipes are gonna reflect that and might seem a bit dull but probably also relatable for a lot of people.   i’ve definitely made spaghetti carbonara a bit too much because it’s simple and require few ingredients! will still vouch for that one tip about substituting the bacon with roasted veggies and other types of meat.

last week i made risotto for the very first time, i think? which means i might be assuming a bit too much, but i think it’s a great dish that you can almost make with whatever you have in your fridge. i made it with roasted beetroot(needs A LOT of time to soften, lesson learned), carrots and parsley root or parsnip(idk the difference), dried rosemary and thyme, garlic and onion. i had some leftover sushi rice, which is great for risotto apparently(love versatile ingredients), roasted them in some oil and then added white wine and chicken stock and actually added a leftover parmesan rind i had in the fridge to give the ‘stock’ some flavour, a bit of nutmeg and then in the end some shredded gouda lol… it was surprisingly delicious and i didn’t even really care to cook the rice perfectly. it also tasted delicious 3 days later, which was a nice surprise. i bet there are tons of risotto recipes online, but as long as you have rice, some kind of flavoured water, i guess you could kind of add whatever you want of veggies and top with whatever herb you have around.

another type of porridge i consume a lot these days is hot oat porridge, which i’ve eaten since i was little and it was the first ‘dish’ i learnt to make myself and it’s cheap. some people really dislike the consistency and look but i don’t. it’s also very easy to customise. i put in whatever nuts and seeds(which are often cheaper than nuts) i have around: flaxseed, sesame seeds, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, chopped almonds and sometimes a dollop of peanut butter. i let them simmer along with the oats. i like adding those elements because it gives it some texture and it keeps me more full throughout the day. it’s very important to me because i hate spending money i don’t have on fast-food when i’m not home and i hate being hungry. dried raisins, cranberries for a bit of sweetness and if i’m treating myself i’ll add some fresh apples cut into small pieces or some homemade berry compote(i use frozen) or brown sugar. if i had more money i’d use maple syrup but i don’t at the moment. i also add a bit of cinnamon and cardamom, dried ginger etc, whatever you feel like. some people also add milk afterwards but i’d rather spend my milk on my coffee.

a small tip: making chili flake / garlic oil. it’s really delicious, you could put it straight on pasta with some parmesan and pepper and it would be a filling meal. either chop the garlic really fine, grate it, microplane it, smash it to pieces. heat some olive oil until it’s quite hot, then remove from heat and add the chili flakes and garlic. if the oil isn’t hot enough you can just put the pan or pot back on the heat but be careful you don’t burn the chili flakes or garlic, as it will make it bitter. the longer it will toast, the less pronounced the raw garlic flavour will be, so when it smells toasted enough for your taste, take it off. i store it in a tiny glass jar and add it in stews, sauces, toasts, pizza, sandwiches etc. the flavour is very strong imo and everything it touches will smell like it. something to drink: i like strong foods and i like sour foods, which is why i like lemon/ginger based drinks. to make it even more winter friendly and easy to make, i like to grate unpeeled ginger(i hate slices of ginger, they do nothing for me and seems like a waste of ginger), lemon zest, lemon juice and mix it or blend it with some water/apple juice and honey and strain it afterwards. if you have a really nice blender you can just add all of it together with some ice. i’m basically making a large amount of ginger shot mixture. then when i feel like it, i can take some of the mixture and either drink it as it is, add more apple juice if i need a refreshing beverage or add hot water and more honey for when im cold. you could also add turmeric, chili, use less sweetener and other sorts of healthy stuff but i honestly do it for the taste so i don’t care about that that much.

something sweet: i posted earlier about cakes and someone mentioned swedish kladdkaka, which is a super delicious, cheap, brownie-like chocolate cake that is easily customized and hard to fuck up which is why i’ve made it since i was very young and is a go-to and i didn’t even know it was a swedish thing. if you like airy, light cakes this is not for your. this is sticky, sweet and almost like confection. you can add nuts, swirls of peanutbutter, tahini, actual pieces of chocolate, replace the white sugar with brown sugar, the butter with oil(you can be fancy and use a bit of olive oil) or use a mixture, brown the butter, you name it. the recipe i use is this: melt 100 g butter and let cool. mix 2 eggs + 3 dl sugar in a bowl until fluffy in one bowl. mix 1.5 dl flour, 4 tbs cocoa, 1 pinch of salt in another. mix the dry with the wet mixture and add the cooled, melted butter. this is the point where you’d add chopped nuts, chocolate etc. pour the batter into a cake tin lined with parchment (i use one that is 16 cm in diameters i think). bake the cake for around 30 mins at 150°C - 175°C degrees. check on the cake using a cake tester or a a knife. if the knife is clean after … stabbing it, it’s done! the cake will change it’s texture after cooling. this is a cheap cake, and if you like cake dough you might want to give it less time in the oven for a more fudgey texture. make it your own! there are no rules. last time i made this, i left it in for too long in my opinion but it was still delicious. also i literally have a shit oven with a round oven rack that goes in circles no matter what due to the microwave function, and the only ‘mixing’ equipment i have is a whisk and a spatula. no need for kitchen aids or  even electrical hand mixers.

something else i’ve been eating a lot for lunch is simple open faced sandwiches, and something that can really elevate those is: making your own mayonnaise(and toasting the bread). it can be challenging, but it’s really worth it imo and i can’t remember the last time i bought it in a store. i have a small plastic bowl, whisk and 1 egg yolk. something i can really recommend is buying pour snouts for bottles. i transfer my oils from their plastic bottles to smaller, old soda bottles because im cheesy like that and it’s really handy especially when making mayo. constantly whisking the egg yolk by hand and then adding the NEUTRAL oil ever so slowly. don’t be fancy and use cold pressed stuff or extra virgin olive oil because it will taste weird. i only ever fail when i try to use immersion blenders for some weird reason but i find it rewarding to do by hand anyways and i think it might be easier to make smaller portions that way. mayo needs acid and you can get it by adding regular vinegar, apple cider vinegar, balsamic vinegar, lemon juice, lime juice, pickle juice, citric acid dissolved in water etc. it’s really easy to customise! when im making banh mi, i add some sesame oil, soy sauce for saltiness and use lime as the acidic element. for more regular use i add a bit of mustard(also helps with the emulsion), for fries, i like adding some fresh garlic. something as simple as mayo, tomatoes, flaky salt and pepper topped with chives is really nice. i also really like using slices of boiled potatoes or boiled eggs(idk if that’s only a thing where i’m from), mayo and the chili garlic oil. it’s also great for making tuna salad. yesterday i made a really simple sandwich with a very simple tuna salad(tuna, mayo, yoghurt, lemon and pepper), arugula, basil, the garlic/chili oil, cream cheese, pickled jalapeños and onions, green peber, cucumber and tomatoes. you could leave out everything but the tuna salad and it would still be a great little meal.

another nice condiment that beats the supermarket stuff by far is homemade ‘pesto’. when i buy parsley from my local grocery store, it’s a gigantic amount that i in no way can consume in a week. first of all when buying fresh herbs i really recommend washing them, wrapping them in a damp towel and keeping them in a closed container. it will prolong their lifetime from lasting a day to a week(change the towel if it seems too wet). i once had some cilantro in my fridge for several weeks and still be fresh. anyways, when i buy that much parsley, i like to remove the tougher parts of the stem(which i use in stews/sauces! chop it up and sautee it along with garlic and onion), add literally just olive oil, water, pepper, garlic, and a bit of acid and then blend away! it keeps for a long time in the fridge and is also delicious beneath tomatoes/potatoes/cheese on open-faced sandwiches. if you want to be fancy you can of course add some type of hard cheese, nuts, seeds, dried tomatoes, whatever.

i know this is the longest text post ever, but as a last reminder, i really recommend watching pasta grannies on youtube. really simple recipes with focus on few, good ingredients that just takes some time and love.

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression, Ep 41 - 'Antique' displayed in showcase. Its true identity is..

K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru with this week's episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome again. Ok, should we get straight on with it?

J: Yeh, shall we?

T: Yeah.

J: Just get started quickly.

K: Ok, Ojikyun... (*see last episode*)

T: Yeh, Ojikyun.

J: I'll try my hardest.

T: Ojikyun Joe.

J: Ok, well, this is today's news. 'Antique displayed in showcase, its real identity is..?'　A photo posted to Twitter of a shop's showcase is getting reactions like, 'I had to look twice!', and 'I was fooled!'. The person who posted the photo was walking the streets, when suddenly they saw a shop with a showcase containing numerous pots. But when this person had a closer look, they were amazed. They read the explanation card and discovered the pots were actually Baumkuchen! The pots, made in various sizes, resemble the real finish and shape of an actual flower vase. The shop, named Villon, is a patisserie located in Sakura Shinmachi in Tokyo, and was established in 1965. These Baumkuchen made in the shape of pottery go by the name of 'Grand Villion', and the shop owner says they were born out of an idea to express the beauty of pottery though cakes. The shop also sells many other products, but people who have seen the photos online have been mistaking the cakes for real pots one after another.

So I think if you have a search online, you'll be able to find the images, but it really is Baumkuchen which looks exactly like a pot.

T: Absolutely.

K: Yeh, for sure.

J: What do you think about this?

K: Its incredible.

T: It is, yeh.

J: Yeh, it is.

T: It is amazing.

J: Yeah. I wonder if they sell a lot of these?

K: Can you buy these online?

J: I wonder if you can?

K: Just by looking, it seems like you order it in store.

J: These look like they are probably difficult to deliver.

K: Right.

J: I feel like it would break during delivery.

T: Yeah. But peope are buying these and taking them home as souvenirs.

J: Yeh, using Baumkuchen to make a pot...

T: Won't it become really well-known?

J: Yeah, it will. Its like making curry into the shape of poo as a kid...What? Didn't you do that?

T: Haha

T, K: No

J: Didn't you ever make curry into the shape of poo and offer it to your friends in elementary school?

K: Haha, no.

J: Its only me?? I bet some people did *points to camera*

T: They didn't, I'm sure they didn't, haha. No-one's gonna fall for you with that.

K: Haha

J: Im not Ojikyun material?

T: Not at all.

K: I thought everyone did that.

T: Hahaha

J: Isn't it a good trick? Making poo with curry? This is the same, just making a pot with Baumkuchen.

K: ??? *1

J: Is that a bit rude of me? Don't you make piled up poo with curry?

T: No! Haha.

K: How do you even make that with curry??

J: Its like, if the curry is left for a while, it congeals a bit, right?

K: The roux.

J: Yeah, kinda like the roux. I did it with that when i was a kid.

T: You did it with that? haha

J: I got into trouble with my parents for it.

K: Well, yeh.

T: Yeah, you would..playing with food.

J: ???*2

K: So thats why you're like this now.

J: No no no, ???*3. But anyway, its like an extension of that, what Villon is doing.

K: Its amazing. The cake at the bottom looks exactly like a real pot.

T: Yeah.

J: Yeh, they have uploaded the pics, but at a glance the Grand Villlon seems to cost close to twenty thousand yen.

T: Yeh, twenty thousand.

K: The big one, right?

J: Yeah, the big one.

T: Oh, the medium sized one costs ¥14,500.

J: Yeh, the big one is about ¥20,000. It would make someone very happy if you gave it as a gift.

T: Well, I wanna try it once.

J: Yeh, me too. Though it probably just tastes like regular Baumkuchen.

T: Of course, yeh.

J: So like, curry in the shape of poo tastes like curry, haha.

T: Hahaha

K: It reminds me of that thing, poo flavoured curry or curry flavoured poo?

J: The ultimate decision, right?

T: Oh, I remember that.

K: Which would you choose?

T: Probably curry flavoured..

K: Poo flavoured is impossible.

J: But the poo flavored one is still just curry.

K: Its ok to eat?

J: Yeah. 

K: So if its curry flavored poo, and you eat it will it have an  ???*4 influence?

J:..Yeh. It might be something sent from above. But anyhow, it tastes like curry.

K: So, its poo that doesn't harm your body?

J: No, well, the taste. The taste is curry...What are we talking about?? haha.

T: Right? haha

J, K: hahaha.

K: So for this, its like, is it a real pot?

T: Haha

K: Like, a pot that looks like Baumkuchen, or a Baumkuchen that looks like a pot?

J: I feel like this convo is getting off track.

K: That was your fault.

T: You went off on a tangent all of a sudden, haha.

J: Was it my fault? Im so sorry.

K: Should we buy one of these Baumkuchen?

J: Yeah, lets buy one.

K: Haha

T: Lets buy one.

K: We could eat it together.

J: Yeh, we could each put ¥5000 towards it or something.

T: Well, something like that.

K: Yeah.

T: It looks like this store is well established, I bet its delicious.

J: Its great though, established in 1965. The shop is older than me. Its been there for 55 years.

T: Thats amazing.

J: Definitively, lets try it as the TFoE team.

T: Should we ask Kami?

J: Ok. Kami?

Kami: Yes?

J: Oh, he's there, thats good.

T: Yeh, thats good. I thought he might be asleep.

Kami: Did you guys eat Baumkuchen as kids?

J: Well, honestly I was quite poor as a kid. We had a business in our house, but we suddenly went bankrupt and became poor very quickly. My Dad had a car, and he had about a million yen in debts with it, or fines.

T: When was this?

J: Oh, when I was in elementary school, so about forty years ago. So we didn't really eat fancy sweets like Baumkuchen...not that I can remember anyway.

T: Hm, as a small kid..

Kami: Um, I spent a lot of time in Nishinari in Osaka..Baumkuchen in not common there. (*Nishinari is know as a bit of a slum*)

K: Haha.

T: Im sure you can eat it there.

Kami: No, there didn't used to be any there.

T, K, J: Hahaha

J: So, you were in Nishinari, Kami?

Kami: For quite a long time actually.

J: Oh, really?

Kami: In Nishinari they really work hard making ocotopuses with sausages.

T: Haha

J: Haha. Octopuses with sausages?

T: You can buy that in the supermarket.

J: But its the same kind of idea right? Like making pots with Baumkuchen.

Kami: Also using carrots to make flowers.

J,T: Ahh, yeh, I see.

J: Kami, as soon as you enter, the conversion suddenly gets really common.

T: Yeah

Kami: It is the same idea.

K, T, J: Haha

J: Kami, you are pretty interesting.

T: Have you seen those things that are like deep fried Baumkuchen on skewers?

K: Oh yeh, I have.

T: Have you tried them?

J: I've seen deep fried ice cream, or fruit and stuff on a skewer, but not Baumkuchen.

T: Oh, there is that too.

K: Yeah, there is.

J: Ehh.

T: They definitely did this in Nishinari, right Kami?

K: Yeh, they did.

Kami: No, they didn't.

T: Haha

K: He's sure about that.

J: Yeh, he's certain.

T: He doesn't want to lose on this one.

J: But Kami, do you want to eat these pots made from Baumkuchen?

Kami: Well, yeh, to look at them, they look delicious.

J, T, K: Haha.

T: By the way Kami, how old were you when you first tried Baumkuchen?

Kami: I don't really want to tell you that.

J: Haha, its that much of a secret?

K: Maybe he doesn't remember?

J: Yeah, maybe.

Kami: But first, I want to try one of thier basic Baumkuchen.

J: Ah, more basic than this?

T:???6*

J: Ok, I got it. They do sell regular Baumkuchen too, so we'll get one of those for Kami, and we'll get one of the pot Baumkuchen for us.

T: Yeh, I'll eat that. 

Kami: You still have to share it though.

J, K: Hahaha

J: So you do want to eat it?

Kami: Yeah, I do.

J: You do? You should have been honest from the start. Well, I learned something today...that there is no Baumkuchen in Nishinari.

T: No, there is, there is. Will he get mad at me? There definitely is.

J: There definitely is? Well, we got to learn a bit about Kami's history.

T: You can kinda tell he probably lives in the west.

K: Well, he has a Kansai accent.

J: Yeh, he definitely has a Kansai accent. But now we know specifically about Nishinari.

T: I get the feeling he was just lurking there, as opposed to living.

K: He does seem kinda low class.

T: Yeh, he does.

J: Like, the kinda guy you want to avoid if at all possible, haha.

K: Ok, so, is that it?

J: So, we'll have to go and buy this sometime. Within the year?

T: Lets go asap.

K: Well, if they have to be reserved, we'll make a reservation.

J: Oh, yeah. Well, Kami wants to try a piece too.

K: Will Kami come down to join us then?

Kami: I do want to eat it.

J: No, well, what should we do? How can we give you it, Kami?

T: Right?

J: Kami?

Kami: Yes?

J: Yes?

K: hahaha

J: He doesn't know how to answer that, haha. Clearly, haha. He obviously doesn't know what to say! You're in the sky, right, Kami?

Kami: Thats right.

J: Yeh, so how can we get the cake to you?

Kami: Yeh, Im not sure, how could we? haha

J, K, T: Hahaha

J: He is totally stuck with this unexpected question.

T: What should we do then?

K: How about we look forward to what happens at that time?

J: Certainly!

K: Haha. Ok, well, Lets finish here for this week. Please subscribe. Thank you very much.

*1,2,3,4,5,6 Couldn't make out, usually due to too much background laughing.

[writer-k-pop]

Garlic

즐기는 것은 이상한 일이지만.  Though it's a strange thing to enjoy.

Description: The story of how you met Dokyeom through his grandma and a shared love for peeling garlic. [Please don't judge me >.< I thought of this while peeling garlic for my mom so that happened.] Warnings: None Genre: Fluff Word Count: 2.3k

Seventeen Masterlist | Masterlists

"Grandma Minnie!" I call out as I step through the front gate, "It's me, (y/n)."

From inside her home, I hear Grandma Minnie shuffling towards the door, "I'm coming! I'm coming!"

Two seconds later, the front door swings open and Grandma Minnie comes running out, apron still wrapped around her waist. She runs over and envelopes me in a hug.

"How are you darling?" She asks, grabbing my hand and leading me towards the house.

"I'm good. I've got some deadlines coming up but nothing too taxing." I tell her, slipping off my shoes. "How are you?"

"Me? Oh, honey, I'm fantastic. Especially now that you're here." Grandma Minnie chuckles and walks into the kitchen. On the table sit giant empty bins and one medium sized bowl filled with unpeeled garlic bulbs. The counters are filled with veggies waiting to be made into one of Grandma Minnie's many dishes.

"Grab the garlic, will you?" Grandma Minnie asks as she grabs two small knives.

I nod and pick up the deceivingly heavy bowl. Bowl in hand and tools ready, we head to the side porch where Grandma Minnie's already laid out a blanket for us.

Just as we sit down, Grandma Minnie's phone begins to ring from inside the house.

"Aigoo," She grunts as she stands again.

I pick a garlic bulb up and begin to peel the dried outer layer to reach the covered cloves. Each clove gets snapped off from the rest and I lay them all in a pile.

"Alright, alright. I'll see you soon then." Grandma Minnie ends her call, returning to her seat. "Here, put the peeled cloves in here." She places another bowl next to the one sitting between us.

Nodding, I pick up my paring knife and a clove. Starting at the flatter end where it connected to the stem, I peel back the thick skin.

"Any new gossip for me?" Grandma Minnie asks, picking up a bulb of her own. I look up and notice the mischief on her face.

I laugh, "I mean I don't have much from my neighborhood but part of me feels like you have more neighborhood gossip than I do."

Grandma Minnie smiles, "Oh, you bet I do." Her skillful hands quickly peel back the outer layer. "You know the lady who lives next door?"

I nod. I've seen her outside her house a couple times when I would walk by.

"Well," Grandma Minnie leans forward slightly, snapping off a large clove, "She and the grandpa down the street have been visiting each other almost every day for the past week."

"That's sweet." I comment, the thought of a relationship starting making me smile.

"Isn't it?" She agrees, "She's been alone for way too long."

"When did her husband pass away?" I ask, curious.

Grandma Minnie tilts her head up, her paring knife stilling against the clove in her hand. "I think 20 years ago?"

"I see." I nod along taking in the information. I check the clove to make sure there aren't any stray pieces of skin left before dropping it into the second bowl.

"Oh, the Park's, at the end of the street, with the bunny statues in the yard," She rattles off details of their home to spark my memory, "They have a new granddaughter!"

"Oh cute! What's the name?" I smile, a vision of chubby cheeks and tiny hands floods my mind.

"Kim Hyerin, I believe." She informs me, tossing her cleaned clove into the bowl.

"That's pretty." I pause to focus on a particularly difficult clove, whose skin doesn't seem to want to peel off. "Did you have any visitors?" I ask, once I successfully clean the clove.

Grandma Minnie shakes her head.  "Not this week. But- oh! He's probably here by now." She suddenly looks around the yard.

I scrunch my eyebrows and set down my knife and current clove. "Who?"

"My grandson. He was the one who called me earlier. He's dropping by for a visit." She informs me. "He's the one who visited that one weekend you went on your trip a couple months ago."

I nod as the memory of her telling me about his last visit surfaces. Searching around the memory, I try to remember his name and anything she told me about him but I'm coming up with squat.

"GRANDMA!" A male voice shouts and struts through the front gate.

"My grandson!" Grandma Minnie gets to her feet and runs over to him with arms wide open and the biggest smile on her face. Nothing beats a visit from family.

He towers over Grandma Minnie but that's not surprising. Grandma Minnie is quite short and even an average height man would tower over her. His hair is well kept and styled to part in the middle. He's cargo shorts and a plain colored tee shirt and in his hand is a plastic bag.

"I bought these for you." He shows her the contents of the bag, "From the famous stand in the station."

Grandma Minnie pinches his cheek, "You didn't have to."

He shrugs, "I know."

"Come, we can share them." Grandma Minnie pats his shoulders.

"With who?" He asks, looks around, and spots me sitting so awkwardly on the side porch.

She drags him over by the hand, "Dokyeom, this is (y/n). (y/n), this is my grandson."

"Hi." I greet with a small wave.

"Hi." Dokyeom also greets, then turns to his grandma, "You didn't tell me you had a visitor."

"But it's Friday." Grandma Minnie argues, "She always comes on Fridays. Plus it's fine, now that you're here, you can take my spot peeling garlic and I can start on cutting up the veggies."

"You peel garlic too?" I ask, slightly surprised that he would enjoy it.

Dokyeom nods, "Growing up, when we visit, Grandma and I would sit on the porch and peel for hours. I've always wondered where all the garlic goes within a week."

I chuckle, "I've wondered the same thing."

"Alright, alright. Give me this," Grandma Minnie takes the plastic bag from him, "And go inside and bring me one of the bowls on the table along with the squash and the radishes, please. Oh! And the peeler and the big knife. Oh oh! And the red cutting board."

Dokyeom nods and ducks inside to collect the ingredients.

"He's a good kid." Grandma Minnie comments. "Here, try one of these." She pulls out a little rice cake. "They're filled with the smoothest sweet red bean paste you will ever taste."

I take it from her and take a bite. Her words were spot on. The red bean paste is silky smooth and just sweet enough. "Woah, that's really good." I tell her and pop the other half into my mouth.

"The lady who runs the stand has been doing it for 60 years." Dokyeom comments coming back out onto the porch with the bowl filled with veggies, "My older sister and I think that she's some sort of witch who is going to sell those cakes for eternity." He says, setting down the bowl next to me.

"And never sell her secret to the silky smooth paste." I add with a playful smile.

Grandma Minnie sits beside the bowl and begins to peel a radish.

As I go back to peeling a clove, Dokyeom takes Grandma Minnie's old spot and picks up her paring knife.

"How are your parents?" Grandma Minnie asks. "They haven't called me in a couple weeks."

"Yeah, they're busy with work and Noona's wedding." Dokyeom answers. "Which is why I came. Thought it'd be better if I visited in person rather than just calling."

"In person is always better." Grandma Minnie and I say at the same time which causes us to burst out laughing.

"I must be spending too much time around you." I smile at Grandma Minnie.

"That better not be a bad thing." She laughs back.

"So how did you come to start visiting my grandma?" Dokyeom asks, picking up another clove.

"I was a volunteer with a program that visited elders in the area who wanted visitors and then it became a regular visit." I tell him, "First time I came over, she shoved a paring knife in my hand and asked if I like peeling garlic. And lucky for her, I do enjoy it. Though it's a strange thing to enjoy."

"I understand the joy." Dokyeom nods his head. "What do you when you're not peeling garlic then?"

"I work at a design company in the business district." I tell him, "You?"

"Assistant teacher in the neighboring town." He says.

"He's so good with kids. So good." Grandma Minnie comments, absentmindedly.

"What grade?" I question.

"4th grade." He tosses a clean clove into the bowl.

"That's gotta be a handful." I smile at the thought of 20 some 4th graders running around a standing Dokyeom.

"It is but I've got the energy to match them." He throws a finger gun at me.

"I think you have the energy to outrun them, DK." Grandma Minnie says. "Even when he was in middle school, he was constantly running around, wanting to do everything, help with everything, go everywhere. He was like the energizer bunny."

"Grandmaaaaaaa." Dokyeom whines and I try to stifle a laugh.

"Don't you laugh, (y/n). Even though it's only been a year, I still have lots of embarrassing stories about you." Grandma Minnie threatens and my laugh immediately suppresses itself.

Now it's Dokyeom's turn to laugh.

"Damn, she's mean." I whisper to Dokyeom.

"Tell me about it." He whispers back, "When I was younger, she told me that a chilli pepper wasn't spicy. So I took a bite and it was the spiciest pepper ever."

"Ya!" Grandma Minnie yells and slaps his arm. "I didn't know it would be spicy."

Before long, all the garlic is peeled and the veggies and peeled and cut.

Dokyeom takes the large veggie bowl inside. Grandma Minnie takes the cleaned garlic bowl inside while I clean the peels that decided to try and run away from the rest. Once inside, Grandma Minnie already piling more veggies into another large bowl. Carrots, potatoes, onions, green onions, cucumbers, and mushrooms.

We head back out to the porch and begin peeling and cutting the veggies to how Grandma Minnie wants them. I hold out a cucumber for Dokyeom to take but he shakes his head.

"I don't like cucumbers." He informs me and picks up a carrot.

"You don't like cucumbers?" I repeat. "How do you not like cucumbers?"

He shrugs, "The smell throws me off."

"So you won't touch them either?" I pull the cucumber closer to me.

"Nope. I stay away from cucumbers if I can."

I open my mouth to say something else when Grandma Minnie interrupts me.

"Don't try to argue with him." She says, waving a potato at us. "He's been that way since birth. Won't ever touch a cucumber."

"Huh, interesting." I nod and start to peel the cucumber.

"A couple of my best friends are the same way." Dokyeom defends his dislike of cucumbers. "Can't eat or smell cucumbers."

"You have weird friends." I joke.

"Wait until you actually meet all of them." Grandma Minnie adds on.

"They're not that bad." Dokyeom immediately counters. "Grandma just thinks they're bonkers because of the stories I've told her. I swear they're not that bad."

I chuckle, "Don't worry, I don't think they're as bad as my friends."

"Ooooh, you're right." Grandma Minnie nods, "Both of you have insanely weird friends."

...

"Are you sure you don't want to stay for dinner?" Dokyeom asks as he walks me to the front gate, "Grandma can get pouty if people don't eat her food."

I let out a small laugh, "I'm sure. I have a prepared dinner waiting for me back at my apartment."

For a second, a look of disappointment crosses his eyes but he quickly covers it up, "Well,

that's a good reason to skip Grandma's dinner. Did someone prepare it for you?" He asks.

"Yeah, my roommate did." I reply, "She's constantly trying new recipes and Friday nights are designated to us."

His face seems to light up after telling him this. "That sounds like so much fun. You guys must get along really well."

I nod, "I've known her for a couple years. We're pretty much inseparable except when we want to be separated." I laugh thinking of the times my roommate and I don't see each other for a couple days though we're both stuck in the same apartment.

"I know the feeling." Dokyeom agrees. He holds the front gate open for me, "Hey, maybe we can get together sometime and you can tell me why you enjoy peeling garlic so much?"

"Only if you tell me why you enjoy it so much." I smile back.

"Deal." Dokyeom nods., "I'll see you around."

"You too." We say our goodbyes and I start walking towards the subway station to get back to my apartment.

As I reach the subway platform, I can't help but feel like I've forgotten something back at Grandma Minnie's house. My phone rings with a text but I don't recognize the number.

"Hey, it's Dokyeom. Got your number from Grandma Minnie because I was an idiot and forgot to ask you for your own number." It reads.

And the light bulb goes off. His number. We never exchanged numbers. Well, thank goodness for Grandma Minnie.

"You're not the only idiot, I forgot to ask as well." I reply back as the subway train arrives at the station.

"Yeah, well, you're not the one Grandma almost kicked out of the house because he forgot to ask." He answers.

"She would never!" I type.

"Oh trust me, she almost did." Dokyeom adds two laughing emojis.

[bentonpena]

Tofu Freaking Rules

Tofu Freaking Rules https://bit.ly/350TvUV

We need to talk about tofu. As Beyond Meat and Impossible Burger mania sweeps the globe, the OG vegan protein is getting left behind—and I, for one, hate to see it. If you’re serious about reducing your reliance on animal products, tofu has the potential to change your diet—and life—for the better.

To some extent, I get why so many people, particularly American meat-eaters, are resistant to the entire concept of tofu. Western culture has ruthlessly (and racist-ly) slandered the humble soy-based protein for as long as we’ve known about it, so a lot of us were basically programmed from birth to think it’s garbage.

I’m begging you to reconsider. When correctly prepared, tofu is a textural marvel, running the gamut from delicate and custardy to deep-fried and crunchy. Its unmatched flavor-absorbing powers make it a total chameleon; it truly can be anything you want it to be. I’ve loved tofu my whole meat-eating life, and I’m here to convert the naysayers. Welcome to my Tofu Manifesto.

You’re probably thinking about tofu all wrong

The biggest, wrongest tofu misconception is that it’s strictly a meat substitute. Sure, it can be that if it needs to—but tofu’s closest animal protein analog is actually the egg. On their own, eggs are bland; it’s their ability to morph into a staggering array of forms and textures that makes them so special. However you like your eggs—fried crisp with lacy edges, scrambled soft with lots of butter, or cooked into a puffy, tender frittata—I’m willing to bet your preferences come down to texture rather than flavor.

The same is true for tofu, which is why I’m skeptical when people insist they don’t like how it tastes. Soft and silken tofu has a more noticeable soy milk vibe than the firm stuff, but for the most part, it adds no flavor whatsoever to a dish. Tofu only tastes as good as the sauce it’s served in—texture is basically the whole point.

It’s embarrassingly easy to make tofu taste amazing

Contrary to popular assumption, delicious tofu takes barely any work at all. In fact, all the usual hacks try way too hard: Pressing takes forever (and freezing even longer); marinating often yields profoundly mediocre results; a cornstarch dredge too easily sogs out. None of these techniques work particularly well on medium-to-soft tofu, and with the exception of marinating, they also offer absolutely nothing in the way of seasoning.

For all of these reasons and more, the salt water trick is the only tofu hack worth knowing. Hot, salty water is a tofu prep triple threat: It dehydrates firm tofu so it crisps up quickly, sets super-fragile soft tofu so it doesn’t fall apart, and seasons everything through and through. It also adds as much work to your dinner prep as boiling pasta. I’ll get into the specific techniques in a bit; for now, just know that the salt water hack promoted tofu from something I’d buy occasionally to a legit, can’t-live-without-it staple.

If you remain unmoved, I’ve collected my favorite tofu products and preparations in one place, starting with the most hater-friendly ones. This isn’t a recipe post—it’s all about the technique. (Where applicable, I’ll link to specific recipes that I used and explain how I adjusted them to work with tofu, with the hope that you’ll soon be doing the same.)

Even hardline skeptics love fried tofu puffs

Tofu puffs are cheap, delicious, deep-fried flavor sponges that need zero prep; in other words, they’re easy to love. You can toss them whole into curries and stews for a fun textural element, but I strongly recommend taking 30 seconds to slice them in half. With their honeycomb-like interiors exposed, these puffy little nuggets soak up sauce like nobody’s business—without compromising their crispiness.

To show them off, I made my favorite Maangchi recipe—cheese buldak, or fire chicken with cheese—with halved tofu puffs instead of chicken breast.

Those two ingredients are obviously nothing alike, but the swap totally works thanks to the insanely powerful sauce. Red-hot both in color and spice level, surprisingly sweet, and with enough fresh ginger and garlic to put hair on your chest, it more than picks up the slack for something as bland as chicken breast or unseasoned tofu. Having made this dish with chicken dozens of times, I have to say—I prefer the puffs. Even when saturated with sauce, they stay light and puffy, which is the perfect contrast to the ultra-chewy texture of sliced rice cakes and melted mozzarella.

Pressed tofu does (most of) the prep work for you

As the name implies, pressed tofu has already been pressed to remove most of its moisture, resulting in a pleasantly toothsome texture. You can buy it pre-seasoned with soy sauce and five spice powder, but I like it plain so I can season it however I like.

Here, I whipped up a vaguely Spam-inspired mixture of roughly 2 tablespoons each of soy sauce and sugar, plus a teaspoon of garlic powder and a few shakes of smoky hot sauce (El Yucateco Black Label Reserve for life). I added some cubed pressed tofu and let everyone hang out about 20 minutes, flipping them around halfway through. You don’t need much marinade; a shallow layer is plenty.

I then used it to bulk up a super basic batch of fried rice with ginger, garlic, carrots, and frozen peas. The cubes got nicely crispy and charred on the edges, and were just what I needed to add some substance to a huge bowl of fried carbs.

Unseasoned pressed tofu also makes great vegan “paneer:” Cube it up and marinate in lemon juice with a few pinches of salt for 30 minutes, or longer if you have the time. As with regular paneer, you can pan-fry the tofu or leave it alone; either way, you’ll be surprised at how closely the marinated tofu mimics the texture and flavor of the real thing.

Medium-to-firm tofu needs a little TLC

This range of the tofu spectrum is the most recognizable and the least immediately appealing. I mean, just look at this:

In my experience, the variations between medium, firm, and extra-firm tofu are pretty meaningless, and I use them all interchangeably. Left uncooked, they all have a texture best described as “rubbery,” with no discernible flavor at all. Their highest calling is getting crispy in a hot skillet and doused in a flavorful sauce.

All you need to make crunchy pan-fried tofu is salt water, a good nonstick pan, and all of 20-30 minutes. That’s it. Here’s my usual procedure for a standard 1-pound block.

Before I do any other ingredient prep, I bring 2-3 cups of salted water and 2 teaspoons of table salt to a strong boil in a saucepan. Then I cut the heat, slide in my tofu, and let it sit while I prepare the rest of the recipe. After 15-20 minutes, I drain off the water and either pat the tofu dry on clean towels or leave it in the colander until I need it.

To get that crispy surface going, I coat my big cast-iron skillet with a thin layer of neutral oil and heat it over medium-high. I then add the tofu, spread it into an even layer, and leave it completely alone for at least 5 minutes.

Once the edges start to brown, I flip it over and do the same on the other side.

Boom. Done. Obviously, I used crumbled tofu here—it’s my favorite—but this works just as well with cubes, slabs, triangles, or any other shape you can dream up.

Don’t sleep on crumbled tofu

I know I said that tofu isn’t a meat substitute, but crispy tofu crumbles get really fucking close. In many cases, I prefer them to meat because they hold their shape—and a surprising amount of crunch—even when simmered for a long time. Sure, they don’t give you the specific richness you get with ground pork or beef, but with the right recipe you won’t miss it at all.

Speaking of the right recipe, Bon Appétit Test Kitchen director Chris Morocco’s spicy sweet sambal pork noodles are flawless—but, despite the name, I’ve actually never made them with meat. I only had tofu the first time I made them, and they turned out so well that I’m fine with never learning how they taste with pork.

I make the recipe exactly as written, except—obviously—I leave the pork out. Instead, I fry up soaked, crumbled firm tofu in a separate skillet while the sauce simmers, then dump ‘em in and toss everything together with cooked noodles. This cuts at least 30 minutes off the cook time without compromising on anything except porkiness, which I promise won’t even register.

You can also use tofu crumbles like ground beef. I usually throw in some minced onion and garlic in once the tofu is nice and crispy, then cook it down with a little tomato paste, taco seasoning, and cheap beer if I’ve got it.

It’s not beefy, exactly, but it tastes incredible in its own right—and makes a killer vegan-friendly crunchwrap filling.

You can roast tofu, too

Maybe you’d rather not spray your stovetop with oil in the name of crispy tofu. In that case, roasted tofu is for you. The results are directly comparable to pan-frying—they just take a little longer to get there.

Start with soaked, drained tofu, preferably cut into triangles or flat slabs so they’re easy to flip. Arrange on a clean towel and let them dry out while your oven preheats to 450ºF.

If you like, cut a vegetable of your choice into similarly-sized pieces and toss them with a tablespoon or two of neutral oil; I’m using kabocha squash here.

Place a sheet pan on the lowest oven rack. After about 3 minutes, add 2-3 tablespoons of neutral oil to the pan, put it back in the oven, and heat for another minute or two. Carefully transfer the tofu and vegetables to the hot oiled pan, return to the bottom rack, and roast for at least 20 minutes. Flip everything over and roast for another 15-20 minutes, until the tofu is super crispy on both sides and the vegetables are browned and soft.

You can eat the whole shebang straight off the pan—perhaps drizzled with spicy peanut sauce or chili oil—but I added mine to a quick curry made with Maesri panang curry paste, palm sugar, and coconut milk. (Maesri is the only brand I’ve found that doesn’t use shrimp paste or fish sauce; if you usually avoid prepared curry paste for allergy or vegan reasons, give it a try.)

To be completely honest, the kabocha was a miss—the flesh was too dry, and the skin was super tough. The crispy roasted tofu, however, slapped. They can’t all be bangers; such is the nature of experimentation.

When you feel ready, silken tofu is there for you

The next stop on our tour de tofu is the most controversial, misunderstood one yet: Soft or silken tofu. Yes, it’s bland. Unseasoned coagulated soy milk isn’t going to blow your mind with super-concentrated umami or whatever. But when prepared correctly, soft tofu is more than just delicious—it’s absolutely sublime. I will go to bat for it all day long, and I would love to tell you why.

The dish that changed my mind about silken tofu came from Biwa, a now-closed izakaya-style bar in Portland. It was deceptively simple: A whole block of chilled silken tofu drizzled with sweet soy sauce and topped with bias-cut scallions, fistfuls of toasted sesame seeds, and paper-thin bonito shavings. I ordered it every time, and my friends would always be like—“Cold tofu? Why?” But if I could convince them to take a bite, they’d understand. It was like eating a deeply savory panna cotta.

Unfortunately, my dearly departed Tofu Slab is no more—and my attempts to recreate it have been so unsuccessful that I’m forced to settle for the next best thing: Salt water-soaked silken tofu mounded on hot white rice and drowned in chili oil, soy sauce, and black vinegar.

I’m not complaining. The salt water, once again, is key: It turns a cold, slimy block of tofu into a piping-hot savory custard, which is the perfect canvas for condiments. Sure, there’s not much in the way of textural contrast, but the softness is so comforting and nice that I think a crunchy element would actually defeat the purpose. It’s a delicious, balanced, reasonably nutritious meal you can throw together in the time it takes to cook a pot of rice.

Putting it all together: All-tofu mapo tofu

Neglecting to mention mapo tofu in an article about tofu is basically journalistic malpractice. The iconic Sichuanese tofu dish is rich, meaty, spicy, funky, sour, and savory all at once—and slicked with lip-numbing Sichuan peppercorn oil for good measure. It’s a top 3 dish for me; I make it all the time, usually using Maggie Zhu’s recipe from the Omnivore’s Cookbook.

Being a big vegetable fan, I’ve experimented with using minced veg—eggplant, mushrooms, and even carrots—in place of the traditional ground meat. But this time, I decided to follow my vision and make a variant I’m calling “Oops! All Tofu.” I approached this recipe just like the sambal noodles, swapping crispy tofu crumbles in for the ground pork—but this time, I also soaked some cubed soft tofu in a fresh pot of salt water while the sauce simmered away.

This was one of the most delicious things I’ve ever made. The nubbins of soft tofu were literally melt-in-your-mouth tender, while the crispy crumbles turned downright meaty as they soaked up the spicy, salty, rich sauce. It made me even more certain of all of the (correct) tofu opinions I just laid out before you and, if you’ll let it, it has the power to convert you too.

Internet via Lifehacker https://bit.ly/2VwWgKq April 24, 2020 at 12:01PM

[darks-ink]

Play Your Part 5

Chapter 5: Not Only Will I Soar Again

I am Very Boldly posting this chapter with linebreaks and readmores and praying it doesn’t turn out like the last one. And if it does, well... Tumblr let me edit back the readmore today so it won’t be messed up forever, anyway.

[first] [previous] [next] [AO3] [FFnet]

Danny’s eyes watered as he reached out. One hand, shaky with emotion, made contact with the picture. Ultimate proof that it was… that this was real.

“Is-- Is that--”

“A ghost core?” Tucker grinned wider. “That’s exactly what it is, yeah.”

“But then…” Danny frowned, one hand still on the core on the photo, the other reaching for his chest. “Why isn’t it… working, then? If I have the core, why don’t I have the powers?”

“Well, we can’t know for sure, of course, but…” Jazz placed one finger on the photograph as well, tapping the core. “This isn’t an active ghost core. We have pictures of Danny’s, and of a few regular ghosts, and this one looks even less active than Danny’s when he’s in human form.”

“Oh.” One hand still rested on his chest, as if he could feel the core’s hum now that he knew it existed. “How? Why?”

“We already figured that you lost your powers because you purged your ectoplasmic contamination, right?” Jazz shrugged, gently pulling the photograph out of his hand. “In doing so you must’ve run your core out of ectoplasm, forcing it into some sort of hibernation. I think, if we can carefully feed it ectoplasm again, that it might activate again.”

“And that’ll get me my powers again?” Danny brightened up slightly, hope unfurling in his chest. It sounded… it all sounded very possible. Would it just be that easy?

“Well, probably. Like I said, we can’t know until we try.” Jazz sighed, placing the photo on the table Danny was sitting on. “At least I know a good way to get you ectoplasm in a somewhat safe manner.”

“Oh lord, Jazz, you want him to eat--” Tucker made a disgusted face, pretending to vomit. It wasn’t very encouraging, to be honest.

“Oh grow up.” She shoved the boy, turning to Sam, who looked far more steady. “Sam, can you go fetch some of the leftovers in the fridge? You know how to recognize the right ones, yeah?”

“If they try to bite me they’re good.” Sam nodded, turning around like she hadn’t just said that food might actively attack her, hello? What the hell was going on here?

Danny cleared his throat, drawing Jazz’ attention back to him. “What’s, uh. What this ‘safe manner’ of ectoplasm consumption?”

“Well, it’s.” She blushed, twirling a strand of hair as she tried to find the right words. “Uh, you know how in this universe, our parents are ghost hunters?”

“Uh huh,” he said, slowly.

“And ghosts are made out of ectoplasm. Which means that for their inventions, they do a lot of experiments with said ectoplasm, including ways to use this to make food faster?”

“Oh.” He still didn’t understand where she was going with this.

Jazz opened her mouth to explain further, but a strange hissing sounded by the stairs, and Danny twisted to look at that instead. Sam was coming down, her arms full of various plastic containers, some of which were duct-taped shut.

“Got the leftovers you asked for. Is the malevolence directly related to how heavily contaminated they are?”

“I think so.” Jazz shrugged, releasing her hair. “Not sure. Mom and Dad never really looked into it much.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Danny waved his hands around, drawing the attention of everyone else back to him. He ignored the jostling of the plastic bins for the moment. “You want me to eat… contaminated food? Living food?”

“Well, it’s not living, technically.” Jazz wiggled her hand a little, making a so-so motion. “They’re kind of… reanimated, I guess? We’re starting off slow, with the stuff that just glows. Anything that moves we’ll re-cook first.”

“Like the weenies,” Tucker added helpfully, taking one especially violent container from Sam. The duct-tape on it seemed to strain to hold it closed, and through the plastic Danny could see sausage-like shapes bouncing around. “These are definitely some of the worst in the fridge.”

“Yeah, and the fact that they’ve been in there for months hasn’t helped.” Sam shook her head, moving over to the table to put down the other stuff. “Anyway, don’t worry about it, Danny. Our Danny can eat this stuff just fine, and so can any ordinary ghost. We’re not giving it to you until we’re sure you’ve got enough ghost in you to do the same.”

“Oh. Um.” He looked at the boxes that now shifted over the table, driven by the force of their contents. “Thanks, I guess?”

“Don’t thank us until it works, man.” Tucker placed his one container on the table as well. When it immediately threatened to throw itself off again, he placed a heavy-looking invention on top of it. “Seriously, if we make you eat this stuff and it doesn’t work you’ll hate us.”

“Tucker, stop discouraging him,” Jazz scolded, picking up one of the containers that lacked duct-tape. “Danny, it’ll be fine. Mom and Dad and I have eaten this stuff on multiple occasions, and you’re supposed to have this stuff in your body. Do you really think I would be giving this to you if I thought it would be a problem?”

“No,” he said, “but this wouldn’t be the first time you’ve tried feeding me something weird as a big sister prank.”

Jazz made a face, then nodded. “Ah, I guess that that’s fair.” She opened one box, showing its contents to him. “How do you feel about starting with these mildly glowing carrots?”

Bad, he wanted to say.

“I guess they’re… okay?” he said instead, taking the bin from her. They did, indeed, look like regular carrots. Y’know, if carrots came in ecto-green and glowed. “Do I… have to?”

“You can try the Portal too, if you prefer that,” Sam suggested, leaning against the table. “Get it over with in one quick swoop.”

Danny made a face, then shoved one baby carrot into his mouth. The moment he bit down he pulled a face. It tasted like what he imaged raw ectoplasm might taste like; copper and rusted pennies and something like lemons? Except it still had a mild taste of carrot, and its texture was mostly carrot-like. Mostly, because it was just a little goopy on the inside.

He slapped his free hand over his mouth, trying to push away his desire to puke. Come on Danny, just bite through it!

Swallowing, he made another grimacing face at the others.

“Ah, come on, they’re not that bad.” Jazz clicked her tongue, shaking her head disapprovingly. “How is it that you guys in the halfa-universe are less used to eating ectoplasm infused food, huh? Am I the only one wondering about that?”

“No, I was too,” Sam admitted, looking far too amused for Danny’s liking. “And I bet our Danny is, too. He’ll definitely be enjoying the break where he doesn’t have to worry about his lunch coming to life.”

Danny sighed, placing the carrots down again. “Can I try something else? Maybe that’ll be better.”

Tucker snorted disbelievingly, but to his credit, did push one of the other boxes towards Danny. “Here, I think this one is just glowing toast.”

“Ugh, toast.” He pulled off the lid, revealing, indeed, several slices of ecto-green toast. “Well, can’t be worse than regular toast, right?”

He took a bite of one of the slices. Wow, hey, that’s actually worse than regular toast, who would’ve thought? Again that taste of copper and lemons and sour metal, although the inside wasn’t quite as soft as with the carrots. Just felt like untoasted bread instead of goop.

“Well?” Tucker asked, a grin on his face again. “Better or worse?”

“Better than the carrots,” Danny said as he swallowed the bite. “And honestly? Not much worse than regular toast.”

“You want jam or something with that?” Sam asked, turning one of the slices in her hand as she looked it over. “That might mask the taste a little.”

“Hm, maybe.” He took another bite, trying to chew it away quickly. “Egh, yeah, let’s give that a shot if you’ve got some.”

“I’ll go look,” Jazz said, ruffling his hair as she passed him by. “Sam, Tucker, stay out of trouble.”

“Trouble?” Tucker gasped dramatically. “We would never!”

Danny shot him an unimpressed look as he chewed away another bite of sour toast. “You two literally tried to zap me with a giant ghost portal while she was away.”

“Don’t get involved, Fenton.” Tucker swung a finger in his direction. “Eat your toast and shut up.”

“Yes sir.” He took another bite of the toast. Against all expectations, he was actually kind of getting used to the taste of ectoplasm-infused food. It felt kind of warm in his throat, like it was melting as he chewed it away.

He’d finished his first slice of toast when Jazz reappeared downstairs, carrying a few types of jam and some margarine. “Wasn’t sure what would go best with, uh, ectoplasm,” she said, blushing a little. “What do you want to try first?”

“Margarine, I guess?” He shrugged, picking up a new slice of toast to butter it. “I think I just had to get used to the toast, anyway. It’s not too bad anymore. Kind of nice, actually? Warm and melty.”

Jazz frowned, sharing a glance with Sam and Tucker. “Warm? Ectoplasm is cold and goopy, usually.”

“Oh.” Danny took a bite of his still-unbuttered toast, tasting it carefully. “No, it definitely tastes warm. Like, pleasant warm, like honey?”

“Maybe that’s what it tastes like for half-ghosts?” Tucker suggested, his brow creased in consideration. “They are made out of the stuff, so of course it wouldn’t feel cold to them.”

“Does that mean it’s working?” Danny asked as he started buttering the toast. The taste of lemon and metal hadn’t gone away entirely, and he wasn’t too hot on it still. “If I just keep eating enough toast, that’ll fix my core? It’s really just that easy?”

“I mean, you’ll probably have to move on to something stronger eventually.” Sam tapped on one of the taped boxes, ignoring the way it jerked in response. “Danny has a lot of ectoplasm in his body, usually. If you want to recover all of that in a short time, you’ll need to eat more ectoplasm and less actual food. There’s only so much food you can eat before you’re full, after all.”

“Right.” He took a bite of buttered toast. Not bad, actually. The butter definitely offset the sourness, even if wasn’t entirely functional against the taste of copper. “So when should I switch, if the higher amounts could be dangerous?”

“Finish off all the toast first, then we’ll see.” Jazz looked distastefully at the weenie-container, which seemed to be trying to throw off the heavy weight that pinned it down. “Honestly, we might try roasting the weenies. They’re definitely the highest in ectoplasm to food ratio, and they won’t fill much either way.”

Danny eyed the box suspiciously. Then, rather than speak up about the fact that these hot dogs might just be the most dangerous thing in the lab, he took another bite of toast.

“We, uh, should probably get them roasting sooner than later, then.” Tucker leaned down next to the box, his frown deepening. “I think that they’re trying to chew through the plastic.”

“Do you think the Thermos would work on them?” Sam asked, her tone light as if this was perfectly normal. “Or are they not ghostly enough?”

“That might just suck out all the ectoplasm and leave behind the weenies.” Jazz sighed, stepping away to dig through some equipment. “If they break out, just trap them in something metal. Or, like, trap them in a box with something else and let that distract them. I’ll look for something moderately safe to cook them with.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Tucker declared cheerfully, frown gone again. He picked up a larger plastic bin, opening it and peeking inside. “Ah, non-sentient ham. That should keep them occupied if they break out.”

Sam sighed and shook her head, but didn’t comment. Danny shoved another piece of toast inside his mouth. If she didn’t want to comment, neither did he.

But, really. How was this world so much crazier than his own world? Is this what their planet would be like if it was ruled by humans instead of half-ghosts? Crazy. Maybe they really were still out there somewhere, surviving unseen thanks to their sheer insanity.

“Well, so, most of the stuff I found I wouldn’t trust around food,” Jazz said plainly as she rejoined them. In one hand she held a metal pot, the inside stained a suspicious mix of green and black. The other, she held behind her back. “I wouldn’t worry about the ectoplasm on this, except that it seems to be burned to hell and back, and I don’t think the charcoal will be any good. And I don’t trust the bunsen burners with this, either.”

She placed the burned pan on a nearby table, then swung the object in her other hand around to her front, using her other hand to hold it up as well. It looked like a weapon, but not any Danny was familiar with. Sci-fi esque, silver with glowing green accents. Round and shiny, like a cylinder with another cylinder on top. This, at least, looked kind of like the water containers on a water gun. The vivid green really just kind of reinforced this appearance.

“I don’t think I’m familiar with that one.” Sam stepped closer, twisting her head to look at the weapon. “What is it? A flamethrower?”

“Yep,” she simply said, placing it in Sam’s arms. “Here you go, I’m pretty sure you’re the best shot of all of us.”

“Tuck’s pretty good too, and you’re not too shabby either.” But as she said this, Sam shifted the flamethrower in her arms, gripping it properly. She grinned like she was absolutely loving this. God, humans were scary. Danny was faintly sorry that he had ever felt lesser for thinking he was human if they were all like this.

Rather than get involved, he took another bite of toast and jumped off of the table. He could watch the proceedings from somewhere further away, he was sure.

Tucker lifted the machine off of the bin that contained the hot dogs, pinning the box down with his own strength instead. “I’ll count down and then dump them on the table. Got it?”

Sam, grin widening, nodded. “Got it.” She turned to gun onto Tucker, holding it steady with one finger already on the trigger. “On 3?”

“I was thinking on fire, actually.” Tucker nodded back, licked his lips, then started counting. “3. 2.”

“1,” the both of them counted in sync, muscles bunching as they got ready.

“Fire!” Tucker shouted, peeling the container open and spilling the contents onto the table, then stepping back in the same swift motion.

The hot dogs seemed thrown off by the sudden movement, sitting dazedly on the metal tabletop a long moment. They were ecto-green, glowing, and they seemed to have… eyes and pointed teeth? Yikes.

On the shout Sam had pulled the trigger, and bright flames spilled from the gun. Despite his expectations, they weren’t pure green; pink was scattered throughout the flames, and the inner column was white-hot.

The reanimated meat screeched when the flames reached them, but they were quickly silenced under the steady fire.

An unmeasurably long moment later, Sam cut off the flames. Jazz stepped forward to inspect the results, expression carefully blank. Then she smiled, expression lighting up. “Looks good to me! I think we can finally put the Frankenweenies to use.”

“Frankenweenies?” Danny repeated incredulously, swallowing his last bite of toast. “Really?”

Jazz hummed. When she turned back to him, she was holding one of the hot dogs pinched between her fingers. The flames hadn’t lessened its glow, but they had turned it into a darker green. The eyes and mouth seemed to have somehow disappeared entirely. “What do you think? Does it look appealing?”

“No,” Danny said honestly, taking it from her. “But neither did the toast.”

He took a bite, chewing it experimentally. The skin was like… not like a hot dog, but more like a regular sausage? Somewhat tough, a little chewy, but not in a bad way. The inside was soft and warm and gooey, and actually kinda sweet. Like it was filled with honey.

“That’s… pretty good, actually,” he said when he swallowed it. “I mean, I don’t think it beats actual food, especially since the green is a real deterrent, but…”

“What, the glow is fine with you?” Sam scoffed, but the smile on her face didn’t leave. “Priorities, Danny.”

“Eh, the glow isn’t too out of place where I’m from.” Danny shrugged, taking another bite of the hot dog and swallowing it. “With all the half-ghosts and stuff. My parents, especially Mom, they use telekinesis pretty often, so stuff often glows in and around the house.”

“That’s fair,” Sam decided, nodding approvingly. Her fingers drummed on the barrel of the flamethrower. “Hey Jazz, do you want this thing back or can I keep it?”

“If you get in trouble for having it I’m not taking responsibility.” Jazz crossed her arms, twisting to look at Sam. “My parents will just blame its disappearance on a ghost anyway.”

“Nice.” Sam flipped a switch on the side, and the glowing elements dulled down. A safety switch, then. “I’ll find a spot for it, don’t worry.”

“I’m not,” Jazz said, just as Danny hiccuped. Loudly.

“Sorry,” he apologized, hiccuping again. Something in his chest rattled strangely. “I think something didn’t go down right.”

He clenched his eyes closed, dropping the half-eaten sausage back on the table. His other hand came up to claw at his chest. Something felt wrong, it hurt, it hurt--

Another hiccup, following with a thrum in his chest. He opened his eyes again, staring wide-eyed at his friends, his sister, hoping for some sort of help or advice or--

“Look!” Jazz exclaimed, enthusiastically. “See, I told you it would be fine!”

“Fine?!” Danny bit back, his voice peaking up high as a hiccup burst through the last half of the word.

“Well, yeah, obviously.” Jazz gestured at him like it was an explanation. “See, and your eyes brightened even further. Must be your core.”

Tucker frowned, looking a little concerned. “Are you alright, dude? Besides the hiccuping, obviously.”

Danny groaned back, his fingers digging into his chest even more. His core? Was that what this was? Why did it-- “Why does it hurt?”

“It’s not… supposed to.” Jazz darted closer, suddenly, kneeling a little to look at his face. She pried his hand off of his chest, placing her own there instead. “Maybe it’s because it was out of energy for so long? Like when you boot up a machine after it’s been off for really long, and it sounds like it’s struggling to get functional again?”

“Or like when your muscles hurt way more if you haven’t been active in a while?” Sam suggested, tone not as jubilant anymore. “That could be it, yeah. Should we hold off and give it time to work through it, or should we try feeding it more energy?”

“I don’t know,” Jazz said, slowly. “Danny, do you think you could eat?”

“Dunno.” He huffed, feeling faintly breathless. It felt like something was burrowing in his chest, trying to shove all his organs aside to make room for itself. “Maybe.”

“Alright, that’s a no in Danny-speak.” Jazz took him by the arm, gently tugging him towards a table. “Sit down, tell us if it gets worse.”

He nodded, letting her shove him onto the table. He tried clawing at his chest again, but Jazz swatted his hand away and he gave up.

It was hard for him to tell how much time passed. For most of it, he had his eyes closed, focusing exclusively on the feeling in his chest. As the pain receded, he started to feel his core more clearly. It was pulsing, thrilling and humming in his chest. Like a heart, but also… not? It was clearly trying to drag in energy, awake but not… not satisfied, he didn’t think.

Once it felt as stable as it would get, he opened his eyes again, looking at his best friends as his sister. “It, uh. I think it’s done. But I don’t think that it has all the power it needs, still.”

Jazz nodded, a thoughtful expression on her face. “Didn’t think so. But we got it enough energy to wake up, so if it’s functional we can try feeding ectoplasm straight to your ghost form.” She started, looking at him somewhat guiltily. “If you’re okay with that, of course.”

“I mean… sure? Assuming that I can shift right now.” He shrugged, then settled one hand on the back of his neck to rub it.

“Do your parents have some of that Ecto-Dejecto still?” Sam asked, turning towards Jazz. “Danny uses it sometimes when he’s really really out of energy, but I think he stockpiles it all in his walls.”

“Oh yeah, that’s a good idea.” Jazz perked up, gesturing at one of the nearby drawers. “I think they have some in there?”

Sam hummed, moving to search it. “Worst come to worst, we can try having Danny search through his own walls. If, uh, he can maintain that kind of intangibility, that is.”

He made a face, not that she could see. “Yeah, let’s not risk that.”

“Oh, wait, here it is already.” Sam straightened up, a tube of unnaturally bright ectoplasm in her hand. “We just need a needle, and for Danny to shift into his ghost form.”

“At least we won’t have to fight with his sleeve this time,” Tucker joked, nudging Danny. “Did you know how much of a hassle that is, to roll up the sleeves of those jumpsuits? Absolutely awful.”

“I’ll… keep that in mind?” He tried mentally poking his core. How were you supposed to shift to your ghost form, anyway? He thought he was doing it right, but he had no way of knowing whether he was doing it wrong, or if his core just didn’t have enough energy. “When should I shift?”

“Now’s fine,” Sam said, reappearing with a worryingly large syringe. It was filled with the same fake ectoplasm as the vial before. The ‘Ecto-Dejecto’, presumably. “We’re ready if you are.”

“Oh, joy,” he muttered, stirring his core more forcibly. He tried to encourage it, tried to picture himself as the photos he’d seen of Phantom. Tried to goad it with the lure of more energy.

Then, suddenly, it was like lightning crackled through him. Pure energy burst forth, sparking through his flesh and his skin but not hurting him. It formed a ring, bright and luminescent, and Danny felt like he could cry.

As with everyone else, with every shift he’d ever witnessed, the ring split into two. Twin halos of pure light danced over his body, inverting the colors everywhere they passed, until he was left in his black shirt and with white hair hanging down in his eyes.

“Arm,” Sam immediately commanded, like she hadn’t just witnessed something incredible and life-changing. When he didn’t respond, Jazz grabbed it and pulled it towards Sam for him.

He was so occupied with, well, everything, that he didn’t even notice the needle until its contents were being pushed into his body. It wasn’t even cold, not really. Just… weird? Very energetic. His core thrilled, immediately pulling in the energy provided.

“Holy shit,” he whispered, feeling the pulse of power throughout his entire body. His core hummed so loud that he wondered if everyone else could hear it, too, like the purr of a cat. “That’s… holy shit.”

“Sounds like it worked,” Tucker commented dryly, not even bothering to hide his smile. “Feeling good, ghost boy?”

“Yeah,” he answered, breathlessly. “Yeah, wow. It’s like… Like this weight in my chest is gone, suddenly. Like I’ve been dragging around my core this whole time, like a ball and chain, and finally I’m free.”

“How poetic.” Sam grinned, nudging him playfully. “Want to take your powers for a spin?”

“In the lab?” he asked, already pushing off of the table. “Are you sure?”

“We train Danny’s powers here all the time,” Tucker said dismissively, flapping a hand. “And it’ll be safer here than outside.”

“Fair enough.” He bounced a little on the ground, feeling lighter than usual. He wondered how floating worked. Didn’t it come naturally to--

“Oh.” He flipped in the air, maneuvering like he’s been doing it his whole life. “Wow, that’s really fun. Now I get why everyone’s always flying everywhere.”

“I guess I should’ve seen that coming.” Jazz grinned at him. “Danny’s favorite power is flight, too.”

“I can’t blame him!” Danny exclaimed, flying a lap at moderate speed through the lab. “It’s so much fun!”

“Alright, well, let’s run through a few more powers. Hopefully establishing that your powers work will trigger the switch back.”

“Yeah,” Danny hummed, feeling his core pulse with happiness at the thought of showing his parents his powers, before a spike of dread stabbed through it. “Unless your Danny has something he needs to achieve, too.”

Danny’s eyes watered as he reached out. One hand, shaky with emotion, wrapped around his mother’s wrist. “Wait.”

“Yes, sweetie?” She crouched down in front of him, smiling softly. “What’s wrong?”

“I… I can’t.”

“Can’t what, kiddo?” His dad frowned as he, too, crouched by Danny.

“I…” He groaned, burying his face in his hands. “You’re all so nice.”

“Of course they are,” Jazz said, voice carefully blank. “They’re our parents. When have they ever not been nice?”

“That’s complicated,” he muttered back through his fingers. They’d never meant to be mean towards him, of course, but… but they’d uttered plenty of insults and threats towards Phantom. And that was… it was just hard to ignore, especially when faced with such complete and utter acceptance.

A silence fell, and Danny got the feeling that his parents and sister were sharing confused glances.

“What do you mean, son?” his dad finally asked, uncertainly. “We’ve always tried…”

I know.” He dragged his hands off of his face to shoot them a look that hopefully expressed how lost he felt. “You’ve been nothing but nice, I know. But you’re not-- I am not--” He groaned again, now in frustration at himself and his trouble to put his feelings into words.

Jazz narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you Danny?”

“Is he what?” his mom asked, at the same time that he shook his head. While she snapped her jaw shut, he corrected himself by nodding, then made a so-so motion with his hand.

“I’m Danny Fenton,” he finally said, giving up on his attempt at miming out an answer. “But I’m not… your Danny.”

“Oh,” both of his parents chimed, perfectly synced.

“Yeah.” He dragged a hand through his eyes, wiping away the half-formed tears. “I’m… yeah. It’s, um. Complicated, I guess.”

“How?” His mom reached for him, twisting his head like she could suddenly see differences that didn’t exist before. “Why? What happened to our Danny?”

“I… I don’t know. I really really don’t know,” he admitted, much as it pained him. “I don’t know what’s going on, I don’t understand it. Usually if I get brought to a different timeline I’m told why, what I’m supposed to do. Not…” he gestured vaguely. “Not this.”

“And our son?” his mom repeated. “What about him?”

“I’m sure he’s fine.” Danny dragged his hand through his hair, mussing the black locks up beyond their normal mess. “Sam and Tucker and Jazz will take care of him. They’re good at that kinda stuff. They’ll catch on quickly, I bet.”

“That’s good.” His mom – this version of her – patted him on the arm. Her expression was hard to read, though. “Now, what was this about your parents, sweetie?”

“I, um.” He blushed, licked his lips. “It’s. Complicated. Like I said. They don’t… they don’t mean it, they’re nice, but it’s…”

He hummed, looking at his hands in his lap. “You know how you’re all half-ghosts, and so am I?”

“Yes?” His mom frowned a little, shooting a short glance towards Jack. “Is that not… Is that a problem, back home?”

“Well, I wouldn’t know, because I never told them.” He blew out a breath, the confession making him feel lighter. Not much, but, well. A little. “It’s… You know how you’re human hunters, here? Well, my parents, they hunt ghosts.”

“Oh,” his dad said on his other side, voice low and quiet.

“Yeah.” Danny sighed, thumbs twirling. “They, um. They’ve seen me in my ghost form, but they didn’t know it was me. I’m the only half-ghost in town, so I… fight the other ghosts? To protect the town. But they don’t see it like that. They just see an aggressive ghost causing trouble.”

“They hurt you,” Jazz stated, her voice clearly forced into neutrality to cover up her emotions. “Right? They’ve hurt you, but they didn’t know it was you because you never told them. And they don’t think of the similarities, because they don’t think half-ghosts can exist.”

He barked out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, you nailed it. They’ve, uh. Made something of a habit out of threatening and insulting ‘Phantom’ around me and Jazz. They work on their inventions in the lab and in the kitchen, and they keep going off near me, and one day--” He snapped his mouth shut, shaking off the thought.

“And you’re afraid that one day it’ll go wrong.” Light flashed as Maddie shifted back to her human form without moving. Her hand, laying on Danny’s, became marginally warmer. “You’re afraid of your parents, because they don’t know that their prey and their son are the same person.”

Danny nodded, listlessly.

“Can I offer some advice?” Jazz asked, her hand on his knee. She continued before he got a chance to answer. “Tell them.”

“What?” he frowned at her.

“Tell them,” Jazz repeated, looking from him to their parents. “You’re afraid because they don’t know that you’re half-ghost. So tell them.”

“But they-- They hate ghosts.” He gestured with his free hand, leaving the one with Maddie’s hand on it. “They hate ghosts with such fervor that they’ve dedicated their life to getting rid of every single one of them!”

“Danny.” His dad caught his free hand, gently placing it down and pinning it with his own warm hand. At some point he, too, had shifted back to human form. “Danny, I don’t know how different your version of me is, but I can tell you one thing with absolute certainty. The most important thing in my life, always and ever, is my family. And that includes my son, human or ghost or half-ghost.”

“Oh,” he said, soundlessly. “But--”

“What about your sister?” his mother asked, suddenly, cocking her head at him. “You said that she would help, and Sam and Tucker. Does she know?”

“Uh…” Danny twitched at the non-sequitur. “Yeah? I mean, I didn’t tell her, but she figured it out on her own.”

“And she hasn’t recommended that you tell your parents?” this Jazz asked, brow quirked. “She didn’t comment on the secret-keeping, on the damage it could do?”

“I, well…” he sighed, letting his head hang. “She did, actually. But she’s… big on letting me tell people at my own pace. And she’s heard the vitriol my parents spit, so…”

“So she should’ve encouraged you to tell them,” Jazz insisted, more forcefully. “Danny, you need your family. You can’t hide this. Do you really think that they haven’t noticed that something changed, that their relationship somehow got damaged and they don’t even know what happened?”

“I… oh.” He looked at his hands, both covered by his parents’ hands. “I hadn’t… thought about that.”

Maddie sighed. “And I guess I didn’t think about how we might’ve done something similar to our Danny, insisting that he had to be half-ghost as well.”

“Well, how about this, then,” Danny said, trying to summon his bravery a little. He could, at least, help this other version of himself, right? That’s what heroes did, and he was a hero. “You tell him that you love him, that you accept him, half-ghost or not, and I’ll tell my parents.”

“Sounds like a plan to me!” his dad boomed, his characteristic grin finally reappearing. His free hand clapped on Danny’s back. “Now we just need to figure out how to get you back!”

Danny opened his mouth to reply, but halted as a pulse of energy ripped through the atmosphere. He couldn’t tell where it came from, just felt the pure power hum--

White light blinded him, energy ripping at his body, he didn’t know what was happening, and--

Then, blissfully, he passed out.

[taiblogcomics]

A Day at the Tortoise Races

Hey there, episodes broadcast out of order. It's good to have a backlog again, isn't it? We don't have to look at Red Hood for a while now. Instead, we can review more MLP comics, which is I'm sure exactly what you come here for, right~?

Here's the cover:

Well, you can see Twilight's going for that sort of Sherlock Holmes style, but I question her choice of fabrics. What did she do, skin Berry Punch or Cheerilee to make this outfit? I can tell you right now, Twilight, using magenta plaid is only going to make Rarity throw up. Check the background, too. All those bubbles are going to be important clues later, so make sure you remember them~

Interestingly, we open aboard the train this time. Twilight Sparkle and Spike are off to the Great Northern Tortoise Race. Rainbow Dash has Wonderbolts duties to take care of, so they're entering Tank in the race in her stead. The train ride doesn't take too long, though, as Twilight passes the time reciting tortoise facts, which puts Spike to sleep. Finally they arrive in Trotland, the heart of the pony highlands, so you can kind of guess the theming of this issue already, yeah? Indeed, Twilight's made her way to the Galar region! She and Spike are shocked to find the town empty, though. In spite of the race, nopony is out on the streets.

Twilight's quickly met by a pony in a British policewoman uniform, bowler hat with a checkered hatband and all. She introduces herself as Inspector Leigh Stride, and explains the details of the case to the pair. Seems the town's hero and local champion of the races, Silver Blaze, has gone missing. Silver Blaze is the oddest of the Sonic ships, in my opinion. Anyway, this accounts for the lack of hubbub in the town: the locals are despondant over the loss of their champ, and all the tourists are disappointed to not see the one they came all this way for. There's even a chance of cancelling the race altogether.

Twilight and the inspector do a walk and talk, and she explains their current theory: the groundskeeper, Millerspoke, left the gate open and the tortoise escaped. As they talk, an old mare named Alder Brown comes up to them, and at the very least, she's still enthusiastic for the race to go on. She's got her own entrant, you see, and with Silver Blaze missing, she might have a chance to win herself this year. Now that sounds like motive if ever I heard it. Twilight and friends move on, mostly so Twilight can get out of the chilly highland air.

They arrive at the groundskeeper's cottage. He's a pegasus with a thick Scottish accent (but not so thick that it makes his dialogue hard to read, fortunately). He's also a bit deaf, as evidenced by the amount of knocking Twilight does at his door. He invites them in, and explains his side of it. He had given Silver Blaze her evening carrots (a favourite of the tortoise's), and gone out to do some stargazing. He dozed off, and due to his deafness, he's a sound sleeper. When he awoke, the tortoise was gone. He swears he'd've never left the gate unlatched, and is a little hurt that nopony believes his word.

As they leave, he also offers Twilight a cape and hat to protect from the chill, completing her Sherlock look (Sherlook?), which is properly brown in the comic itself, thankfully. Departing the cottage, they head up to the main house to question Silver Blaze's owner, Downey Burn. Her sister, Nock Pointe, greets them at the door. They observe the sister is an avid doll (or "articulated collectibles", as she insists) collector, and that she's even purchased dresses for them from Rarity herself, showing her expensive tastes. Nock Pointe fetches her sister.

Downey Burn appears, sporting a black eye that I didn't even notice until it becomes a plot point later in the comic. Either way, Downey seems genuinely upset that her beloved tortoise has gone missing. Showing what a nice mare she is, she even prevents Tank from eating a patch of arugula, which is bad for tortoises. The group heads across the way to Alder Brown's farm next, Spike tripping over a root in the path as he goes. Alder, meanwhile, won't let them in the gate, claiming it'll disrupt her own tortoise's routine. All that can be seen from her yard are some partially eaten carrots. Twilight and the inspector thank her, then part ways back to town.

Back at the hotel, Twilight mulls over the case while Spike takes care of Tank, trying the racing shell Pinkie made out for a bit. See, every tortoise has a brightly coloured shell to fit over their regular one so the audience can identify the racers at a distance. This is suddenly the thing Twilight needed to click into place for her eureka moment, and she races down to the pub to retrieve the inspector. The race must go on, you see, because it's the only way to draw Silver Blaze out. Plus, having the race is good for the town's morale~

Exhausted by stirring up excitement for the race, Twilight wonders how Pinkie keeps the hype thing going. She does, however, join the rest of them for the race. And they're off! The spectacle of such an amazing sight obviously requires a full two-page spread to display the entire majesty of several very slow creature plodding ahead! Because, really, that's all the race is. Despite the extreme enthusiasm the crowd and even Twilight herself put into it, it's just turtles walking from point A to point B. Spike is the only one bored by it, and the race lasts several hours. Finally, though, we have a winner: Scarlet Study, the tortoise entered by Alder Brown.

No sooner are they declared the winner does Twilight swoop in and reveal that Scarlet Study is none other than... Old Man Jenkins! I mean, Silver Blaze! So here's how it all shakes out: Downey is deep in debt because of her sister's doll collecting. So she planned to feed her own tortoise arugula to upset its race performance and bet against herself. The tortoise, however, dislikes the vegetable and kicks its owner in the face (thus accounting for the black eye). It wanders over to where Millerspoke was stargazing and climbs in his cart while he naps. His deafness keeps him from noticing. The bump in the road knocks the tortoise back out, in front of Alder's farm, where Alder finds them and hatches the plan to enter the turtle she can't beat as her own, as it's very hard to tell the tortoises apart in their racign shells.

So all's well that ends well, more or less. Downey is just glad to have her tortoise back, and declares that Silver Blaze's wandering over to Alder's farm was just a sign that the tortoise trusts her. Thus their rivalry is repaired and the two racers become friends again. This is, of course, to Twilight's delight as the princess of friendship. Alder Brown even offers to help pay off some of the debts that Nock Pointe has accumulated, but first they resolve to apologise to Millerspoke for the accusations as well. And of course, right at the end is where Twilight makes a "Quite complimentary, my dear Spike" remark~

This is a pretty good mystery issue. In fact, I dare say it might even be better than any of the ones in the Ponyville Mysteries miniseries. You could actually conceivably work this one out yourself with the clues given, I feel, which is probably the most important part of a mystery story. If the mystery is too difficult or the conclusion comes out of left field, the audience feels stupid. This one doesn’t seem like it’ll make you feel stupid, and that’s great. It’s a good issue otherwise, too. The art really captures that “small town Britain” look that Pokémon Sword/Shield also did so well~

Next time: Ocellus gets the spotlight! Will this cute-as-a-bug changeling wow and delight us~?

[mydrdmind]

My Pot Addiction (WARNING: Satire - Laugh at me or laugh with me.)

Hello, my name is Don, and I’m an Instant Pot’oholic.

I guess it all started when my mom got me wanting one because of all the stories she would tell me about how great they are. I mean, it’s a pressure cooker, right? What do you do with a pressure cooker? My grandmother used a pressure cooker, but all I remember was the tss tss tss tss tss tss sound the little weight thingy made. I can’t even tell you one thing my grandmother cooked in it, but I remember her using one with some frequency. My mom, however, was persistent with her stories of Instant Pot recipes she tried and how good the food tasted. Even so, I tried to dismiss it as just another kitchen gadget fad, but my mom wouldn’t stop raving about her Instant Pot. So, I figured I would check them out.

I started by asking friends where I could get one, but most of them had only heard about them. Even friends who had them were only recreational users. They weren’t serious hardcore users like my mom by any stretch (She was strung out on Instant Pot. Still is.) I thought about asking her, but how could she hook me up from 10 hours away. No, I needed to find where I could get one of these babies on my own. (Looking back, I should have been worried about my mom, but by the time I realized it, it was too late. I had become blinded by the shiny glint of a new kitchen toy.) 

While I was looking into Instant Pots, I had a few other friends talk to me about using Air Fryers. “Air Fryers?” “You mean frying with air, right?” “Frying with air.....” “Frying.....” “Air.....” “What?????” I considered checking them out, but I just couldn’t get my head around frying with air - you need oil to fry, otherwise it’s just convection baking - come on people!

I figured I needed to check Instant Pots out a little before I bought one. At first, I started sneaking a peak at them in the kitchen section at Target. I would take a look when I was there getting some cat litter or deodorant. Seemed harmless enough. Then I went to Kohl’s one time just to see what they offered. Kohl’s has a full display of them. They even show you what the regular price is, and how much you will save by buying at Kohl’s. All the same, I was skeptical that the price might go up after the first one, so I decided not to get one. Then, and I’m ashamed to say it, I started looking at pictures of Instant Pots on the internet. And let me tell you, there’s a lot to see on the internet about Instant Pots. I mean they’re right there in full color with their lids off for everyone to see - no box, no bubble wrap - you can see everything! Even the wire rack! From that moment, I was hooked, but it was a new low for me. But, so what? I really wanted to try one. I just wasn’t sure which size to get. Should I go with the 4, 6 or 8 quart? I was pretty sure that the 4 quart was too small, but maybe the 8 quart was too big. And if I went with the 6 quart, would I wish I had gotten the 8 quart? I was trapped in an Instant Pot decision loop.

In the midst of my Instant Pot conundrum, a couple of my dearest friends got me one for my birthday. The 8 quart. I trusted them because they had introduced me to a few other gateway kitchen novelties in the past. When they gave it to me, I unboxed it like Ralphie opening his official Red Ryder, carbine-action; two hundred shot, range model air rifle on Christmas morning. It was carnage. Unbridled avarice. Oh the humanity!

Realizing that the Instant Pot was no simple can opener or toaster oven, I figured I should read the instructions (a first for me). Then I thought, “I bet there are videos on YouTube I could watch.” I did a quick search. BIG MISTAKE! Still images were one thing, but seeing it in action...I was not prepared for what I would see. The worst part it is, anybody can view that smut!  There are no filters for Instant Pot videos to keep yours or little eyes from viewing all the indulgent, succulent, and, dare I say, steamy videos of this appliance in action. Even so, I felt I had to watch them for educational purposes.

Then I read about the app. Yes, the app. There is an app for Instant Pot users with recipes right at your fingertips. No need to do a search on Google, they have it all right there for you to keep you hooked. So with as much courage as I could muster, I searched for a chicken recipe to make for dinner.  “Ah, Chicken and Dumplings. Rating - 5 stars; Difficulty - Easy. Sounds like an good one to try first.”  I followed the directions to a “T” and the meal was...

FANTASTIC!!!!  We loved it! We all thought it tasted like an “inside out chicken pot pie.”  Since then I have made short ribs, pulled pork, roast chicken, Spaghetti Bolognese, Fettuccine Alfredo, hard cooked eggs, maple glazed carrots, Brussel’s spouts, pot roast and even chocolate lava cakes! Everything has been amazing, but I’ve only been using for two weeks!!!!!! There’s so much more to explore!!!!

It has come at a cost, though. Now I feel like I have to use it everyday. If I don’t use it, I feel on edge - like it is calling to me. If I take my family out to eat, I think of all the money I could have saved by staying home and fixing something alla Instant Pot. My social life has tanked. I don’t see people anymore because I’m at home cooking with my Instant Pot. I’ve had people calling to see if I’m still okay. Occasionally, I’ll go to ALDI to pick up more ingredients, but this Instant Pot habit is getting out of control. I can’t stop. I know I need help, but I can’t get past all the money I’m saving by cooking at home. My wife and my kids are hooked now. I’m even thinking of getting an Air Fryer!!!!! I don’t know where else to turn. Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope!

[ontheoddoccasioniwritestuff]

Complementary (Collins x OC) Chapter 32: Admin

Summary: Planning a wedding is a hell of a job. Luck Genevieve and Jack have each other - and Genevieve’s sister - to help ease the stress.

AN: It’s Jack’s birthday and coincidentally Collins’ birthday because I said so. I’m going to try and update this more regularly since (including this chapter) there’s only nine chapters left. Bittersweet.

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Switching off the car engine, Genevieve took a moment to breathe. It was a rush at the bakeries after a phone call that had reminded her of the dress fittings were this afternoon and she’d only just found out (the day before, from Ethel) that it was Jack’s bloody birthday. A date so significant but he’d never mentioned it in letter or in person. Three months into wedding prep and only now did she find out? She felt rather shit for not asking beforehand.

She took a deep breath and pushed off the steering wheel to go inside. Kicking the door closed, she swung the bag about as she walked up the stairs to Jack’s flat. Hers was pretty abandoned at this point.

Opening the door, she stepped into the flat and tried not to groan at the sight of Jack with his finance tracker open.

“Are we thinking sandstone or eggshell napkins?” She joked upon entering.

“What? Clearly eggshell, anything otherwise would be insane,” Jack remained in his chair as Genevieve greeted him with a quick peck. Plonking herself in the chair opposite, she dumped the bag on the table with an over-dramatic sigh.

“I swear to God, Lilly is more into this wedding planning than I am,” She dropped her head onto a neglected wedding dress magazine Lilly had bought a week before.

Jack ran his fingers through her hair, covering his sniggering with a cough and looking at his piece of paper that was completely covered in scribbles, “She made me a checklist, you know: flowers, menu, venue, invites, table decorations… chair sashes.”

“What the fuck?” Genevieve lifted up her head slightly before dropping it back onto the table, “People put sashes on chairs? Why would you spend money on that?”

“Make the chairs look pretty,” Jack chuckled.

“People actually do that?” She sighed with disbelief at such people and their airy fairy ways, shaking her head for emphasis on her thoughts, “No, I don’t want to be outshined by a chair.”

“I highly doubt that could happen.”

Lifting her head, Genevieve shuffled her chair closer to Jack to lean against him. She called him a sweet talker then kissed his cheek in thanks for the compliment. Jack returned the kiss on her parting as he flipped the list aside and turned the page to show off the budgeting to his fiancé.

“I got a call back from the hotel and they say we can have the function room and the restaurant is ours too for a fraction extra,” He pointed to the possible deposit they could make on the venue, “Sure you don’t want to marry in a church?”

“No church,” Genevieve decided, opening the borrowed bridal magazine Lilly leant her.

“Your family ok with that?”

“Nope.”

“Are you doing it to piss them off?” Jack tried to catch Genevieve’s eye on this one.

Looking away as she shut the magazine, already bored to tears with the brides gushing about the styles of dresses, Genevieve replied, “Nah, I just don’t want to be shivering at the head of a stone cold aisle when I marry you.”

Jack felt a warm tingle in his stomach whenever Genevieve said that – which was a lot. She seemed to get a buzz out of bringing up their engagement too. When she looked back at him, she didn’t look bored or weary but buzzing behind the smile that brightened his day.

“What’s in the bag then?”

“Aha,” Genevieve sat up and brought the sides of the bag down to reveal many small pastry boxes, “Cake testers. All free. Happy Birthday.”

Eager to get some rest and ignore their ever diminishing budget, the pair spent their lunch break laying on the couch and tossing cake into their partner’s mouth to see what took their fancy. So far, they were rejecting the posh combinations simply because they sounded gross. Their mutual hypothesis was confirmed after they tasted the segments gifted to them.

“I still can’t believe you never told me your birthday when we met,” Genevieve spoke around a carrot cake before spitting it out.

“Didn’t think it was necessary, we’d just been evacuated,” Jack shrugged, swallowing his.

“Still, we could’ve gone out, maybe a proper dance hall instead of your living room, made a day of it,” Genevieve argued good-naturedly.

“Are you kidding? It was the best birthday I’d ever had!” Jack said incredulously, palms open to the sky with his fork balanced between his right thumb and forefinger, “Spent it dancing with you to Glenn Miller and eating my Ma’s cooking, nothing can top it.”

“What about this for the cake?” Genevieve tossed a chunk of chocolate cake into his mouth, “It was only two dances!”

“Nope,” Jack shook his head for emphasis, spitting the cake into his reject box, “And it was still the best birthday.”

“Bet I can top it. With three dances.”

“Three whole dances, gee miss soon-to-be missus!”

Genevieve giggled before trying another portion of the vanilla sponge, a second opinion, “Are you gonna be in your number ones? Or a suit?”

“We went with a suit. Match the boys. You?”

Genevieve tapped her nose with her fork and grinned. “Not fair, I told you!”

“I’m going for a fitting this afternoon. Maybe when I see the finished result I’ll feel more generous.”

Annoyed, Jack threw a piece of white sponge at Genevieve and he aimed it so that he deliberately missed her mouth. Genevieve groaned in annoyance and recovered the piece from her lap. It actually wasn’t bad so she opened her mouth in request for another piece.

“Simple yet delicious, I like it,” She commented. This prompted Jack to try some and to agree with her. The decision made, Genevieve sat up and brushed the crumbs off her front. It could be cleaned up later. Tomorrow. Oh, at some point in the future. Jack stood with her and showered his crumbs onto the carpet.

“When I’m back, we’ll make a date of it,” Genevieve squeezed his hands as they planned to go, “I promise.”

“Any day with you is a day made,” Jack kissed her cheek with a cheesy grin that said “you can’t be mad at me, it’s my birthday”.

Genevieve squinted at him in an attempt to mask her embarrassment, “You sicken me… kiss me again?”

Jack obliged and kissed her other cheek, “Have fun at your fitting.”

“Oh, I will,” Genevieve rolled her eyes as she took her leave from the flat, cane in hand to walk to the dress shop. Last minute changes to a wedding in a few weeks looming, it was gonna be another long afternoon.

It’d taken a while, well over an hour, of Genevieve fidgeting and chatting mindlessly to the dressmaker. She could barely stand it because there was never a less interesting conversation to partake in. Her legs jiggled and she was told to keep still many a time.

Worst part, there were no mirrors in sight so Genevieve couldn’t see what was going on. She eased her eager mind on trivial topics like whether she was going wear her grandmother’s veil or not.

But finally the dressmaker stuck one final pin into the netting and stepped back. Moving into the focal point of the three mirrors, Genevieve’s hands curled around the silky fabric that was to be her wedding dress. Her eyes stayed glued to her reflection. The tulle rested daintily on the white, the polka dots only spotted with the movements of the skirts and her hips. She could feel the movement against her knees. A translucent collar to highlight the sweetheart neckline, it was a fancy and expensive version of a dress Genevieve used to own.

Something she was comfortable in. That was the goal. And she was comfortable. But it was something more. She felt beautiful. With her hair messed with stress and pins and clips holding the material in place, barefoot in the back of the dress shop, she felt beautiful.

“Oh darling.”

Genevieve didn’t even notice her “bridal team” entering. Her mother instantly burst into tears after her comment. Lilly, Karen, Ethel and Cora passed hankies and comments amongst themselves, about how Jack was going to lose it, how Genevieve should have her hair done, if any more amendments were to be made about the length of the dress.

“Are you ok?” Lilly touched Genevieve’s shoulder, “You haven’t said a word.”

Her gaze was unfocused as she simply watched at the reflection. Normally, she would’ve rolled her eyes at all this attention and fussing but it was as if she was being open to the idea of a big white wedding for the first time.

“I’m fine,” She said blankly. Then a smile crossed her lips, “It’s just… I’m getting married.”

“Damn right you are,” Ethel grinned back.

Lilly squeezed her sister’s shoulders, careful with the material as she leant in and whispered, “If Jack doesn’t cry, I’ll get up and kick him until he does.”

“Thanks, Lilly,” Genevieve turned to her. They shared a smile, shoulders nudging together as they looked down at the dress’ skirts. Her trembling hands were resting on top of them, the polka dots highlighting the ring as her fingers twitched against the netting.

After a few more tears were shed, the dress was taken off her with measurements noted. Beryl was adamant to keep it from Jack and planned to pick it up in a week to keep at her house.

Her cane making a jaunty beat with her footsteps, Genevieve smiled the whole way home. She was absolutely in the mood to go out dancing, go to the pub, do whatever. She was getting married to Jack and that was all that really mattered at the moment. Not the weeding prep, not the house hunting, not the budgeting.

She very nearly kicked down the door to Jack’s flat, she was so exulted. But she bottlenecked her emotions into using the front door key like a regular person. Jack waved at them from his spot by the cabinet.

“Hey, love! Now I know you said you wanted to take me out, treat me to a dance hall, but honestly I’m good to just stay in.”

Ignoring this, Genevieve walked right up to Jack and hugged him tight. Her face leant into his neck. Jack wasn’t entirely sure what prompted this but he loved her hugs. They made him feel wanted. His arm tightened around her waist in a snug grip in hopes of reciprocating that feeling.

“I’ll do whatever you want, anything for your birthday. You name it and we’ll do it.” Genevieve pulled back and lined her nose to his with a grin so wide she thought it might fall off her face, “I love you.”

With a smile confused as to where this affectionate outburst, Jack kissed her softly and replied, “I love you too.”

Then he sidled over to the record player he get from his family for his birthday, “So, anything?”

Placing the needle on the record he’d already set up, he sidestepped back into the hug. A slow melody played from the box. It filled the room with a tune that had a signature flair to it. Genevieve begrudgingly recognised it but did not complain. The melody was nice.

“Practise our first dance?” Jack beamed, holding his arms out in a new position. Genevieve knew that they wouldn’t be having a first dance in front of people at a reception. It would be in the hotel room they booked for one night. She eagerly placed her hands in position for she couldn’t wait for that first dance.

“How was the dress fitting?” Jack asked with a teasing tone.

“Bit boring but,” Genevieve lingered on her connective, “It was lovely.”

“Lovely, eh? Feel more inclined to tell me about your dress now?”

“Nope,” Genevieve shook her head. Jack let out a moan of annoyance, his head lolling back. He begged again, asking for it for his birthday present and bringing up that she said she’d do anything for him. But Genevieve had inherited stubbornness from her mother and kept her mouth shut, knowing the pay off would be much sweeter. Jack knew this too and eventually buttoned his lip.

Their slow dance position shifted from clasped hands and straight postures to the pair embracing one another, barely shuffling to the tune.

Then a faster tune played up and Genevieve took this as her cue to mock Jack’s dance moves from years ago. He started to laugh and then he copied her, movements identical to 1940, and she was glad that he hadn’t improved. She would’ve looked like an idiot otherwise. Here, they looked like idiots together. Idiots about to get married.

Perma-tag: @tomgcsglasses, @lowdenglynnstyles, @kgcurtis30, @carneylowdenwhitehead, @scottishlowden and @theres-no-paradise

Jack tag: @musicallisto, @adriennelenoir, @lowdensnose, @from-the-clouds and @johannalauraaa

Complementary tag: @you-are-the-first-dream, @disneydirectioner, @lavidademarimar, @sweetsugarhoneyfics and @prettyboytgc 

[sufferandabstain]

Tips, Rules and Recipes for a 30 day Juice (liquid only) Fast:

1. Number One Rule of All Fasting: Find a health practitioner who supports fasting and take her or his advice. If you start to feel bad, weak, no energy see your physician. If they tell you to stop fasting, stop. We need you alive and well feeling good and healthy!! 2. No dairy. The reason for this is that dairy is difficult to digest and can make fasting uncomfortable and hard on your body. Since this is a rule, there are, of course, exceptions. See tips #3 and #15. 3. At least 20 grams of protein per day. There are many different kinds of protein powder. The most common are soy, rice and whey protein powders. Doesn't whey come from milk? You ask… The answer is yes, but it has no lactose and no milk fat and is therefore easily digested. Also, it tastes good in fruit smoothies. If you're a vegan, either soy or rice protein will work. Note: Some people have a hard time digesting soy protein 4. Take a multi-vitamin/mineral supplement. You will be getting a lot of nutrients from the juices you make (or buy, but the ones you make taste so-o-o much better - and you know exactly what's in them). But you are radically changing your diet. I''m not suggesting some mega-pill. Any good multi-vitamin/mineral will do 5. Limit caffeine and alcohol. Both tend to be dehydrating, so they are not recommended. I had a half-cup of coffee the first two days of my fast to avoid caffeine withdrawal headaches. 6. Beware of fruit juice, particularly commercially produced fruit juice. Fruit juice has a lot of sugar (fructose and/or glucose) and it will make you really hungry if you drink it straight. This doesn't mean you shouldn't drink fruit juice. Here's the caveat: seriously dilute your fruit juice with water - seriously meaning maximum one part juice per four parts water. But most of your nutrition will come from 7. Lots of vegetable juice. My favorite combinations follow these tips. As much as you want. Within reason, of course. 8. A smoothie in the morning. If you're hungry in the afternoon, have another smoothie and don't forget the protein powder. Recipes below. 9. Fat is your friend. This is an important point, which some fasters forget. You should have at least 3T (a combo of raw Coconut oil and cold pressed oils and essential fatty acids) fat per day. There are several ways to get fat into your juice fast. One of my favorites is a slice of avocado in your morning smoothie - you don't taste it and it makes the smoothie even smoother. A flax oil blend is another option Either put it in your smoothie or drink it straight. (I bet you can guess which I prefer). Fat will assure that you absorb the nutrients you're getting and to keep you from feeling hungry. It also helps remind your body you're not starving, so it doesn't start trying to store fat. If you do go into starvation mode, you will stop losing weight and feel horrible. 10. Drink some juice every couple of hours or sooner if you fell you need to. Do not try to limit yourself to a certain amount of juice per day. You are already getting far fewer calories than you normally do and each person needs a certain amount of food to feel good. I found I generally drank about ¾ of a quart of undiluted vegetable juice per day, in addition to my morning smoothie. 11. Potassium broth or a potassium supplement. Either 2 capsules morning and night or drink the broth once a day 12. Drink plenty of water. Most people recommend at least 2 liters per day. I think that if you're diluting your fruit juice with a lot of water, this does count towards your daily water intake. 13. Constipation: It is important that you have regular bowel movements while you're fasting. There's a bunch of different products you can use many different products if you choose

15. Trick Number 15: Even if you have a juicer, I believe it's better for your system to juice only the veggies that are hard to blend and release a lot of liquid - carrots, celery, beets, spinach, lettuce and blend everything you can in a good blender. You get both the fiber and nutrients from the peel. The added fiber helps with, ahem, elimination. 16. There are a couple of products you may want to consider purchasing before you begin your fast. You do need a powerful blender to make good fruit smoothies. I personally swear by The Magic Bullet (widely available for about $60 - $48 if you've got one of those 20% discount coupons from Bed Bath and Beyond). You may have seen the unbelievably cheesy infomercial for this product on late-nite t.v. Of course, it doesn't do everything it claims - it can't chop worth a darn. But it blends like a dream - if you follow the instructions. And the fact that you can make your smoothie in the same glass you use to drink it is convenient and timesaving. The Jack Leanne Juicer is available at Costco for $87. It is plenty powerful for our purposes and you will save money in the first couple of weeks of fasting. Neither is essential, but they help. 17. If you start to loose too much weight: You're probably not getting as many calories or as much fat as you think you are. Have an avocado a day (or more) for a few days. Another possible addition to your juice is raw cream. Because it's raw it still has all the digestive enzymes in it and doesn't present the digestive problems some dairy products do. If you don't have trouble with dairy, you may add milk and yogurt or Lactaid Milk you can buy at your local supermarket, it has the sugars from milk removed. I use a soy creamer by Silk vanilla flavored.

18. Finally: Relax.

[kaaramel]

could you pretty please post Wilson's gorge lines? i missed so many of them...

i would be AMAZED if you were actually able to find all these lines in like, one playthrough, especially since a bunch of what i’m posting are commented out

QUAGMIRE_PARK_GATE = "Turns out a key was the key to getting in.“

this is BARELY A PUN. SAME FOR “A SAFE FOR KEEPING THINGS SAFE.” i won��t quote every pun at you because it’d never end.

TAPPED_BUGS = "That’s how you get ants.”

LORDT. I MISSED ANOTHER MEME, APPARENTLY

MATCH = “Science says this will appease the sky God.”

he’s not wrong this is just a hilarious string of words

full dump:

(ETA: again i’ve done a weird thing on account of being in a hurry - a handful of lines got changed between the beta and the final release, and i initially posted the beta versions. noted the changes at the end)

QUAGMIRE_WRONGKEY = “I’ll just have to find another key.”ACTIVATE ={LOCKED_GATE = “The gate is locked.”,FOODFULL = “There’s already a meal there.”,NOTDISH = “It won’t want to eat that.”,INUSE = “Science says I have to wait my turn.”,SLAUGHTER = {TOOFAR = “It got away.”,REPLATE = {MISMATCH = “It needs another type of dish.”,SAMEDISH = “I only need to use one dish.”,QUAGMIRE_ANNOUNCE_NOTRECIPE = “Those ingredients didn’t make anything.”,QUAGMIRE_ANNOUNCE_MEALBURNT = “I left it on too long.”,QUAGMIRE_ANNOUNCE_LOSE = “I have a bad feeling about this.”,QUAGMIRE_ANNOUNCE_WIN = “Time to go!”,QUAGMIRE_ALTAR =GENERIC = “We’d better start cooking some offerings.”,FULL = “It’s in the process of digestinating.”,QUAGMIRE_ALTAR_STATUE1 = “It’s an old statue.”,QUAGMIRE_PARK_FOUNTAIN = “Been a long time since it was hooked up to water.”,QUAGMIRE_HOE = “It’s a farming instrument.”,QUAGMIRE_TURNIP = “It’s a raw turnip.”,QUAGMIRE_TURNIP_COOKED = “Cooking is science in practice.”,QUAGMIRE_TURNIP_SEEDS = “A handful of odd seeds.”,QUAGMIRE_GARLIC = “The number one breath enhancer.”,QUAGMIRE_GARLIC_COOKED = “Perfectly browned.”,QUAGMIRE_GARLIC_SEEDS = “A handful of odd seeds.”,QUAGMIRE_ONION = “Looks crunchy.”,QUAGMIRE_ONION_COOKED = “A successful chemical reaction.”,QUAGMIRE_ONION_SEEDS = “A handful of odd seeds.”,QUAGMIRE_POTATO = “The apples of the earth.”,QUAGMIRE_POTATO_COOKED = “A successful temperature experiment.”,QUAGMIRE_POTATO_SEEDS = “A handful of odd seeds.”,QUAGMIRE_TOMATO = “It’s red because it’s full of science.”,QUAGMIRE_TOMATO_COOKED = “Cooking’s easy if you understand chemistry.”,QUAGMIRE_TOMATO_SEEDS = “A handful of odd seeds.”,QUAGMIRE_FLOUR = “Ready for baking.”,QUAGMIRE_WHEAT = “It looks a bit grainy.”,QUAGMIRE_WHEAT_SEEDS = “A handful of odd seeds.”,–NOTE: raw/cooked carrot uses regular carrot stringsQUAGMIRE_CARROT_SEEDS = “A handful of odd seeds.”,QUAGMIRE_ROTTEN_CROP = “I don’t think the altar will want that.”,QUAGMIRE_SALMON = “Mm, fresh fish.”,QUAGMIRE_SALMON_COOKED = “Ready for the dinner table.”,QUAGMIRE_CRABMEAT = “No imitations here.”,QUAGMIRE_CRABMEAT_COOKED = “I can put a good meal together in a pinch.”QUAGMIRE_POT = “This one holds more ingredients.”,QUAGMIRE_POT_SMALL = “Let’s get cooking!”,QUAGMIRE_POT_HANGER_ITEM = “For suspension-based cookery.”QUAGMIRE_SUGARWOODTREE =GENERIC = “It’s full of delicious, delicious sap.”,STUMP = “Where’d the tree go? I’m stumped.”,TAPPED_EMPTY = “Here sappy, sappy, sap.”,TAPPED_READY = “Sweet golden sap.”,TAPPED_BUGS = “That’s how you get ants.”WOUNDED = “It looks ill.”QUAGMIRE_SPOTSPICE_SHRUB =GENERIC = “It reminds me of those tentacle monsters.”,PICKED = “I can’t get anymore out of that shrub.”,QUAGMIRE_SPOTSPICE_SPRIG = “I could grind it up to make a spice.”,QUAGMIRE_SPOTSPICE_GROUND = “Flavorful.”,QUAGMIRE_SAPBUCKET = “We can use it to gather sap from the trees.”,QUAGMIRE_SAP = “It tastes sweet.”,QUAGMIRE_SALT_RACK =READY = “Salt has gathered on the rope.”,GENERIC = “Science takes time.”,QUAGMIRE_POND_SALT = “A little salty spring.”,QUAGMIRE_SALT_RACK_ITEM = “For harvesting salt from the pond.”,QUAGMIRE_SAFE =GENERIC = “It’s a safe. For keeping things safe.”,LOCKED = “It won’t open without the key.”,QUAGMIRE_KEY = “Safe bet this’ll come in handy.”,QUAGMIRE_KEY_PARK = “I’ll park it in my pocket until I get to the park.”,QUAGMIRE_PORTAL_KEY = “This looks science-y.”QUAGMIRE_MUSHROOMSTUMP =GENERIC = “Are those mushrooms? I’m stumped.”,PICKED = “I don’t think it’s growing back.”,QUAGMIRE_MUSHROOMS = “These are edible mushrooms.”,QUAGMIRE_MEALINGSTONE = “The daily grind.”,QUAGMIRE_PEBBLECRAB = “That rock’s alive!”,QUAGMIRE_RUBBLE_CARRIAGE = “It’s on a road to nowhere.”,QUAGMIRE_RUBBLE_CLOCK = “Someone beat that clock.”,QUAGMIRE_RUBBLE_CATHEDRAL = “Preyed upon.”,QUAGMIRE_RUBBLE_PUBDOOR = “No longer a-door-able.”,QUAGMIRE_RUBBLE_ROOF = “Someone hit the roof.”,QUAGMIRE_RUBBLE_CLOCKTOWER = “That clock’s been punched.”,QUAGMIRE_RUBBLE_BIKE = “Must have mis-spoke.”,QUAGMIRE_RUBBLE_HOUSE = {“No one’s here.”, “Something destroyed this town.”, “I wonder who they angered.”,},QUAGMIRE_RUBBLE_CHIMNEY = “Something put a damper on that chimney.”,QUAGMIRE_RUBBLE_CHIMNEY2 = “Something put a damper on that chimney.”,QUAGMIRE_MERMHOUSE = “What an ugly little house.”,QUAGMIRE_SWAMPIG_HOUSE = “It’s seen better days.”,QUAGMIRE_SWAMPIG_HOUSE_RUBBLE = “Some pig’s house was ruined.”QUAGMIRE_SWAMPIGELDER =GENERIC = “I guess you’re in charge around here?”,SLEEPING = “It’s sleeping, for now.”,QUAGMIRE_SWAMPIG = “It’s a super hairy pig.”,QUAGMIRE_PORTAL = “Another dead end.”,QUAGMIRE_SALTROCK = “Salt. The tastiest mineral.”,QUAGMIRE_SALT = “It’s full of salt.”,QUAGMIRE_FOOD_BURNT = “That one was an experiment.”,–QUAGMIRE_FOOD_PLATE = “It has a lot on its plate.”,–QUAGMIRE_FOOD_BOWL = “Well bowl me over.”,–QUAGMIRE_FOOD_SOUP = “Soup’s on!”,–QUAGMIRE_FOOD_SNACK = “This should tide me over.”,–QUAGMIRE_FOOD_BREAD = “That’s what all the wheat is for.”,–QUAGMIRE_FOOD_PASTA = “I’ve masta-d this pasta.”,–QUAGMIRE_FOOD_VEGGIE = “Full of fresh vegetables.”,–QUAGMIRE_FOOD_MEAT = “I’m pro-protein.”,–QUAGMIRE_FOOD_FISH = “Science says fatty acids are good for me.”,–QUAGMIRE_FOOD_CRAB = “Not as crabby as I thought.”,–QUAGMIRE_FOOD_CHEESE = “Cheese it!”,–QUAGMIRE_FOOD_SWEET = “This dessert won’t desert you.”QUAGMIRE_FOOD =GENERIC = “I should offer it on the Altar of Gnaw.”,MISMATCH = “That’s not what it wants.”,MATCH = “Science says this will appease the sky God.”,MATCH_BUT_SNACK = “It’s more of a light snack, really.”,QUAGMIRE_FERN = “Probably chock full of vitamins.”,QUAGMIRE_FOLIAGE_COOKED = “We cooked the foliage.”,QUAGMIRE_COIN1 = “I need more than a penny for my thoughts.”,QUAGMIRE_COIN2 = “A decent amount of coin.”,QUAGMIRE_COIN3 = “Feels less than a pound.”,QUAGMIRE_GOATMILK = “It’s good if you don’t think about where it came from.”,QUAGMIRE_SYRUP = “For drowning desserts in.”,QUAGMIRE_SAP_SPOILED = “Might as well toss it on the fire.”–QUAGMIRE_SEEDPACKET = “It’s a packet of seeds.”,QUAGMIRE_SEEDPACKET = “Sow what?”,–QUAGMIRE_SEEDPACKET_MEDIUM = “Gone to seed.”,–QUAGMIRE_SEEDPACKET_LARGE = “I think someone planted this on me.”,–QUAGMIRE_SEEDPACKET_MIX_SMALL = “A little seedy.”,–QUAGMIRE_SEEDPACKET_MIX_MEDIUM = “A mixed bag.”,–QUAGMIRE_SEEDPACKET_MIX_LARGE = “A packet packed with seeds.”,QUAGMIRE_POT_SYRUP = “I need to sweeten this pot.”,QUAGMIRE_POT_HANGER = “It has hang-ups.”,QUAGMIRE_GRILL = “Now all I need is a backyard to put it in.”,QUAGMIRE_GRILL_ITEM = “I’ll have to grill someone about this.”,QUAGMIRE_GRILL_SMALL = “A baby barbecue.”,QUAGMIRE_GRILL_SMALL_ITEM = “For grilling small meats.”,QUAGMIRE_OVEN = “It needs ingredients to make the science work.”,QUAGMIRE_OVEN_ITEM = “For scientifically burning things.”,QUAGMIRE_CASSEROLEDISH = “A dish for all seasonings.”,QUAGMIRE_CASSEROLEDISH_SMALL = “For making minuscule motleys.”QUAGMIRE_PLATE_SILVER = “A silver plated plate.”,QUAGMIRE_BOWL_SILVER = “A bright bowl.”,QUAGMIRE_CRATE = “Kitchen stuff.”,QUAGMIRE_MERM_CART1 = “Any science in there?”, –sammy’s wagonQUAGMIRE_MERM_CART2 = “I could use some stuff.”, –pipton’s cartQUAGMIRE_PARK_ANGEL = “Take that, creature!”,QUAGMIRE_PARK_ANGEL2 = “So lifelike.”,QUAGMIRE_PARK_URN = “Ashes to ashes.”,QUAGMIRE_PARK_OBELISK = “A monumental monument.”,QUAGMIRE_PARK_GATE =GENERIC = “Turns out a key was the key to getting in.”,LOCKED = “Locked tight.”,QUAGMIRE_PARKSPIKE = “The scientific term is: "Sharp pointy thing".”,QUAGMIRE_CRABTRAP = “A crabby trap.”,QUAGMIRE_TRADER_MERM = “Maybe they’d be willing to trade.”,QUAGMIRE_TRADER_MERM2 = “Maybe they’d be willing to trade.”,QUAGMIRE_GOATMUM = “Reminds me of my old nanny.”,QUAGMIRE_GOATKID = “This goat’s much smaller.”,QUAGMIRE_PIGEON =DEAD = “They’re dead.”,GENERIC = “He’s just winging it.”,QUAGMIRE_LAMP_POST = “Huh. Reminds me of home.”,QUAGMIRE_BEEFALO = “Science says it should have died by now.”,QUAGMIRE_SLAUGHTERTOOL = “Laboratory tools for butchery.”,QUAGMIRE_SAPLING = “I can’t get anything else out of that.”,QUAGMIRE_BERRYBUSH = “Those berries are all gone.”,QUAGMIRE_ALTAR_STATUE2 = “What are you looking at?”,QUAGMIRE_ALTAR_QUEEN = “A monumental monument.”,QUAGMIRE_ALTAR_BOLLARD = “As far as posts go, this one is adequate.”,QUAGMIRE_ALTAR_IVY = “Kind of clingy.”,QUAGMIRE_LAMP_SHORT = “Enlightening.”,

changes from beta - the lines below are the ones in the final release:

QUAGMIRE_CRABMEAT_COOKED = "I can put a meal together in a pinch."QUAGMIRE_RUBBLE_CARRIAGE = "On the road to nowhere."QUAGMIRE_RUBBLE_CLOCK = "Someone beat the clock. Literally." QUAGMIRE_COIN1 = "I'd like more than a penny for my thoughts."QUAGMIRE_COIN3 = "Seems valuable." QUAGMIRE_GOATMILK = "Good if you don't think about where it came from.",QUAGMIRE_SYRUP = "Adds sweetness to the mixture."QUAGMIRE_SLAUGHTERTOOL = "Laboratory tools for surgical butchery."

... and i was about to be mad that they’d changed “baby barbecue” but now it’s:

QUAGMIRE_GRILL_SMALL = "Barbecurious."

[massholevegan-blog]

Vegan Pantry Starter Pack

When I first went vegan, I was seriously overwhelmed by all of the seemingly “weird” ingredients recipes called for. As a South Shore girl raised almost exclusively on fluffernutter sandwiches, Hamburger Helper, and Hood ice cream, I had no idea what the hell nutritional yeast was, or even that grocery stores even sold rice that didn’t come in a 99¢ Knorr’s packet.

And then once I finally had all of these fancy new ingredients and brought them to the cashier, my jaw dropped. Why was everything so expensive? Isn’t vegan food supposed to be cheaper?!

What I didn’t know is that I would never experience that kind of sticker shock again. See, once you jump over the hurdle of buying all of these “weird” plant-based pantry staples for the first time, it’ll be weeks, months, or even years until you have to buy them again. 

I’ve divided some of the most popular vegan pantry staples into three lists depending on how often I purchase them. As you can see, I only purchase the more expensive items once every 3-4 months, as most whole-foods vegan recipes only require small amounts of them. So keep those savings in mind when experiencing sticker-shock on your $8.99 bag of raw cashews -- yes, that may seem like a lot of money upfront, but that bag should last several months. Think about it -- you wouldn’t even think twice about buying a pack of chicken breasts (by the way, a decaying animal corpse is much, much “weirder” than a bag of nuts) for the same price, and those would only last a meal or two!

*NOTE: I didn’t add prices because those can vary from store to store. Also, if you want to buy organic, that will also raise prices. Do whatever’s best for your budget. Also, the estimates below are for a household with only two adults and no (human) children.

PURCHASE ONCE PER YEAR

All Vinegars: Red, White, Rice, Apple Cider, etc.

I buy vinegar in bulk and use only a few tablespoons per month.

Liquid Smoke

If you’re someone who loves smoky, BBQ flavors, you may have to buy this more often, but a few drops go a long way, so a small bottle will last awhile!

Molasses

I really only use molasses for baking or occasionally making a sweet teriyaki sauce, and even then, most recipes only call for a teaspoon or two.

Hot Sauce

Buy Frank’s Red Hot (or similar) in bulk for best results. Very shelf-stable!

Baking Soda

All brands are identical - buy the cheapest in bulk!

Baking Powder

Same goes for baking powder - all brand are identical so go hard in bulk.

Salt and Pepper

I use plain old iodized table salt and black peppercorns, so I buy the store brand in bulk, but if you’re into fancy salts (Celtic, pink, coarse, etc.), you may have to buy it more often and at a higher price.

Uncommon Spices: Nutmeg, Garam Masala, Lemon Pepper, Dill, Celery Seed, etc.

Everyone has spices they use far less often than the others, or in very small amounts. For these “rarely used” seasonings, you should only have to purchase them once a year if you play your cards right.

Dry Beans: Chickpeas, Black Beans, Navy Beans, Pinto Beans, etc.

A giant bulk bag will last you the entire year... unless you’re going hard with your Instant Pot. In that case, buy more often. But if you alternate between using dried and canned beans, you should be good.

PURCHASE ONCE EVERY 3-4 MONTHS

Nutritional Yeast

Level 10 Vegans all have a “nooch” jar that can hold about 2 lbs. of the cheesy goodness that is nutritional yeast. If you fill this jar up every 3 months or so, you should be set.

Tahini

Unless you’re making large quantities of tahini sauce or homemade hummus every week, a medium-sized jar of tahini should last you 3-4 months at the absolute minimum. Ocean State Job Lot always has the best price on this - typically $3.99.

Soy Sauce or Tamari

A medium/large bottle of low-sodium soy sauce or tamari (or liquid aminos for my Level 20 Expert Mode Vegans out there) should last you for quite some time.

Bulk Rice (Brown, Jasmine, Basmati, etc.)

Buy in bulk if you have room to store it. If you have access to an Asian supermarket (H-Mart, what’s up?!), you’ll find some pretty amazing rice deals there.

Bulk Wheat Pasta (Whole Grain)

Never pay more than $1.29 for a box of regular wheat pasta, and if possible, hold off until the store is giving them away for 89¢/box (Stop & Shop does this often) and go hard.

Flour (Whole Wheat)

I highly recommend buying a large bag of Bob’s Red Mill Whole Wheat Pastry Flour from Market Basket. It’ll last.

Sugar (Unrefined: Pure Cane, Coconut, etc.)

As Mary Poppins used to sing, “a spoonful of unrefined sugar makes your oatmeal taste way better.”

Canned Beans

I buy 6 cans at a time when on sale: Black, Cannellini, Chickpeas, etc. That way, you have a stockpile to pull from.

Raw Nuts: Almonds, Cashews, Walnuts

Honestly, buying raw nuts sucks because they’re never inexpensive - even when on sale. But they’re so worth it, and you won’t use them that often, so don’t stress too much.

Common Spices: Garlic Powder, Onion Powder, Black Pepper, Cumin, Chili Powder, Sage, Rosemary, etc.

Just grab 2-3 $1 bottles of each at Ocean State Job Lot every 3-4 months.

Apple Sauce

I like to buy the prepackaged/sealed single-serve cups so that they don’t go bad; unsweetened, of course.

Fancy Grains and Healthy Nutritional Stuff

Farro, Israeli couscous, chickpea pasta, hemp hearts, chia seeds, soba noodles, flax seeds... all of that fun stuff you use rarely or in small amounts. Protip: Buy from Vitacost using eBates when they’re having a flash sale.

PURCHASE ONCE OR TWICE A MONTH

Tofu and Other “Proteins”

Never pay more than $2 per block. My local Asian grocery store, H-Mart, hooks me up with 99¢ blocks, so I buy five packages at a time, making my monthly tofu cost $5. Tempeh, seitan, and other fake meats are not really a part of my everyday diet, but if I see some on sale, I may grab 1-2 packages per month.

Frozen Vegetables: Peas, Stir Fry Medleys, Leeks, Greens, Broccoli, etc.

I never pay more than $1.59 for a bag of frozen vegetables, and I typically max out on 99¢ cent deals. Make sure to avoid frozen veggies that come in a “sauce” or are “pre-seasoned” - the only ingredient(s) listed should be the vegetable(s) itself - no salt, oil, or seasonings. Market Basket or Wegman’s are my go-to frozen veggie providers.

Frozen Fruit: Mango, Blueberries, Strawberries, Raspberries, etc.

This purchase becomes more frequent in the summer, as I crave cold smoothies more when it’s hot out. If you ever see a good deal that makes fresh fruit (or veggies) cheaper than their frozen counterparts, make sure to grab them and freeze them on your own!

Peanut Butter

Natural, no salt added - the only ingredient listed should be “Peanuts” or “Dry Roasted Peanuts.” Chunky or smooth - the choice is yours. Teddie’s or Trader Joe’s brand is always a safe bet.

Maple Syrup

100% pure - none of that high-fructose corn syrup garbage. Bonus points if it’s from Vermont to keep things local!

Dry Lentils: Red and Brown

ABBL: Always Be Buying Lentils. Just trust me. Cheapest, healthiest food on the planet. And so much iron!

Canned Tomatoes: Diced, Tomato Paste, Crushed, Sauce

When possible, buy the “No Salt Added” varieties. 

Condiments: Ketchup, BBQ Sauce, Mustard, or whatever you use most often.

PURCHASE WEEKLY

Plant-Based Milk: Almond, Coconut, Soy, etc.

As a family that eats oatmeal and/or smoothies almost every day, we buy approx. one gallon per week.

Oats

Whatever whole-grain oats suit your fancy: rolled/old fashioned, quick, steel-cut, etc. Just make sure the only ingredient is oats: no added salt, sugar, or other random chemicals. We buy our oats in bulk at Whole Foods.

Bananas

Buy in 3 stages of ripeness if possible: green (not even close to being ripe), yellow (the way omnivores like them), and just starting to spot (almost vegan-ready: make sure to wait until they’re very brown and spotty!).

Fresh Vegetables: Bell Peppers, Mushrooms, Carrots, Celery, Greens, and whatever else you use most often.

Look out for sales or hit up the discount produce rack to try new veggies!)

Fresh Fruit: Apples, Oranges, Lemons, and whatever else you use most often.

Potatoes

A five lb. bag of potatoes should last you longer than a week, but I always at least pick up a few sweet potatoes during my weekly shopping trip.

Onions

Pick up a bag of white/yellow onions and maybe a red onion or two.

Garlic

And while you’re in that section, grab a head or two of bulk garlic.

[groundbreaking-science]

1.7 - Ki Particles and Energies (part 2)

(Part 1)

The idea of a Saiyan not just having a terrifyingly high genki output but also being able to amplify that might be a scary prospect to you. After all, I have explained that it is possible with ki to fight, and yes, harm people. And so I’ll understand your trepidation when I present the next piece of news.

The few people left in the Universe with Saiyan heritage all reside on Earth, and they are formidable in a fight.

To make matters worse, telling the difference between a Saiyan and anthropoidal Earthling by appearance alone is extremely difficult, though I guarantee you you’ve seen one before.

Full-blooded Saiyans have stiff, thick, usually black hair, dark brown eyes and a natural disposition towards low body fat and dense musculature (though not unnecessarily hypertrophic), all of which aren’t out of the ordinary for Earthlings. They are long-sighted, only needing corrective lenses for detailed work, but long-sightedness is not that unusual either. They have sharper hearing, hearing marginally higher frequencies than Earthlings and a far more sensitive sense of smell than anthropoids. You won’t catch them out on that though, they are used to a barrage of sounds and smells and know not to stand out by commenting.

Unusually, Saiyans keep their youthful appearance until very late, being physically thirty until the age of eighty or so and then ageing rapidly (half-blooded Saiyans stay young until fifty at least and counting). On more than one occasion, Saiyan and Earthling couples have been mistaken for parent and child, or father and son as brothers, which is particularly awkward for them. Saiyans can possess a prehensile tail, covered in short, brown fur and reaching below the calf (much like a capuchin or squirrel monkey tail) which would be a give-away, but no-one alive with Saiyan heritage has one currently as the transformation they can induce is particularly cumbersome. Sometimes Saiyans even appear blonde-haired and blue-eyed through another transformation I shall also detail later, though you’d be hard-pressed to find a Saiyan transforming like this in public view - in the past few decades, at any rate. For the time being I leave it as an exercise to the reader to guess why I’m sure everyone’s seen a Saiyan before.

But there’s one part of a Saiyan’s behaviour that is difficult to hide - their eating habits. Ki energy is created from energy released from food. The combination of a Saiyan’s naturally higher level of physical exertion and their constant readiness for battle requiring a huge genki output both necessitate a terrifyingly huge appetite.  

When I say Saiyans can eat a lot, I mean a lot. A standard anthropoidal man needs around two thousand calories a day with normal activity levels. The same person as an athlete in peak condition and maximising their training will need to consume nine thousand calories a day. Saiyans need on average those nine thousand calories just to tick over, twelve thousand if training hard with ki. In addition, a typical Earthling has enough glycogen stores (sugar stores) in the muscles and liver to last around a day before they need to eat again without breaking down their muscle protein and fat for energy. Saiyans carry very little body fat, but are still able to eat their fill and store energy for longer - for around six days should they need to - tiding them over between hunts in the distant past. They can eat the calories required in one (long, but not as long as you’d hope) sitting should the food be available, rounding out at a mind-boggling seventy thousand calories. Even when not feasting, twelve thousand calories a day is like eating every meal six times over.

As you can imagine, that level of food needs a lot of processing and the Saiyan body is equipped to deal with it. They have stronger teeth and as you’d expect a stronger bite, combined with the ability to grow teeth back should one be knocked out or damaged. There’s a myth found in all corners of the Universe that a Saiyan’s bite is so powerful they can chew rocks and glass. From accidental experimentation we can say chalk is a definite yes, but surprisingly no one is willing to test that further.

To digest starches quickly to create sugar for an explosive energy boost, Saiyan saliva has a higher concentration of amylase. When Earthlings eat starches, food can taste sweet due to this enzyme after a few chews - in that regard rices, potatoes and the like are extremely sweet to Saiyans. However, they usually swallow their food so fast the saliva is less used as a flavour enhancer and instead pure lubrication to get food down the throat. To compensate, they are quicker to salivate when presented with food. Baby Saiyans therefore are dribble machines and make very sticky toddlers.

Their stomach muscles can squeeze tighter and contract every five rather than twenty seconds (and this increased frequency of gut movement is reflected throughout the GI tract). The stomach itself can distend far further than an Earthling’s should a Saiyan need to take on a vast amount of food. The acidity in their stomach is far higher, a pH 10-50 times that of an Earthling, settling around a pH of 1. The acid is strong enough to digest small bones that may be swallowed in a Saiyan’s hurry to eat and to create the perfect environment to digest the higher protein levels Saiyans require. Dealing with the increased level of fats and proteins also requires a higher concentration of bile from the gall bladder. This is readily apparent if a Saiyan vomits - which is a vanishingly rare occurrence as it would take something completely vile to trigger an upset stomach, though a drunk or injured Saiyan is more than capable of doing so. The infamous “carrots” found in vomit are actually pieces of half-digested food taken from just beyond the stomach that has been coloured with bile - Saiyan vomit then is usually a more vibrant orange.

(I probably shouldn’t have included that tidbit, but it was an interesting observation I seemed to have underlined heavily in my notes, so I feel obliged to my past self to include it.)

Due to the volume of food processed a Saiyan’s muscles and liver can hold far higher quantities of glycogen than an Earthling’s. The Saiyan liver is also larger for this reason (with a slightly smaller, more efficient small intestine to compensate for space), big enough in fact to convince Earth doctors the Saiyan has severe cirrhosis of the liver and requires immediate treatment - one of many reasons they tend not to attend public medical services. Saiyans can tolerate a higher range of blood sugar levels and rest above an average for Earthlings, their levels seemingly hyperglycemic at times which would cause blindness and more for Earthings at prolonged exposure. Their liver processing speed means getting a Saiyan drunk is a challenge (ethanolic drinks existed in Saiyan culture as on Earth and so they possess the correct enzymes to process it). Thankfully the task is not impossible, one just needs a very potent drink downed very quickly and the effect would hit fast, though not last as long. Whiskey-glass shots are their best bet for a short black-out.

This higher toxin tolerance also extends to some medicines. A higher dose of medication is needed to maintain an effective concentration in the body as the blood is cleaned quicker. This is a problem as some doses will have no effect on those with Saiyan heritage and hospitals will not prescribe “dangerous levels” of antibiotics and other drugs. Even with medical professionals who understand some Saiyan biology (and I hope that number has multiplied after this), dosing for a Saiyan is difficult, so like most people Saiyans would prefer not to get sick in the first place. Luckily their anti-bodies are quick to work, and for physical injuries Saiyans are quick to scar and heal. Noticing a bruise blossoming and fading within a day or two on someone is a strong indication they might be a Saiyan.

These adaptations to cope with a traditionally rough-and-tumble life are all very well and good until you try to hide on a world that can’t know of your existence.

I suppose the reason why I’m going into so much depth on Saiyan biology is partly for the enduring medical record, partly through my own scientific curiosity and partly - well, mostly really - because I am Saiyan. Half Saiyan half Earthling, to be precise. Surprise! Please don’t be alarmed or upset at the deception, I did try to leave some hints as we went. My heritage is where the name “the Great Saiyaman” comes from, even. …Maybe I’m being a little too flippant in my disclosure, but experience has taught me there’s no easy way to approach this.

My heritage is what I was alluding to in the previous section with my family’s long distance vision; Saiyan eyes were born for fighting and chasing, not for reading and dexterous work. Only in the past few hundred years Saiyans were gifted advanced technology by other aliens and had a use for regular close-up work (maintenance and the like). With interplanetary travel open to them, most followed their calling and became mercenaries, so goes the story. In truth though, planet Vegeta was subjugated by an empire builder named Freeza whose personal strength and menace scared even the Galactic King and their forces (you didn’t think there was interplanetary travel without a bureaucratic system in place already, did you?).

Freeza ran roughshod across most of the galaxy, his “company” purging planets of human life and selling the minerals and other life to the highest bidder. Only if he found a use for the human lifeforms did he allow them to live until they outgrew their usefulness, and his personal army of Saiyans, growing stronger with every fight and whispering of the legendary Super Saiyan who would rise up to depose Freeza and his family, eventually became a liability to his pseudo-rule. Thus he personally destroyed all but a few in a single planetary explosion. I know realtors aren’t much liked on Earth, but be thankful they don’t hold a candle to Freeza.

Three remained in his employ as soldiers. In reality they were trophies, one of whom was the crown Prince - Prince Vegeta. One Saiyan named Kakarot - and we’re not sure why when everyone was ordered to stay on planet - was sent on a purging mission as a more than capable toddler just before planet Vegeta’s destruction. He ended up on Earth and lucky for our home suffered a head injury, forgetting his mission before he could do any damage. He became a docile, sweet (yet terrifyingly strong) boy, adopted by a martial artist named Son Gohan and given the name Son Goku. He grew up in the great mountains and forests of the south-east, living on his own after his Grampa Gohan passed away.

He lived in isolation until aged 14 when a 16 year old Bulma, daughter of Dr Brief, stumbled across him one summer. I say stumbled - more she drove into him, he threw her and the car across the road in retaliation and she tried to shoot his surprisingly bullet-proof head in self-defence but… semantics. They travelled the world together after that. The world owes a lot to their chance meeting.

Whilst Bulma and the friends Dad made journeying over the next few years definitely noticed there was something special about him (he even trained with the Earth’s then appointed Guardian, a Namekian named Kami - again you don’t have to believe me), people just assumed he was a strange kid. Some Zoomorphic people or Teratoids do indeed have the strength of many and, due to the tail Dad sported in his teen years, everyone assumed that was the case with him.

It wasn’t until I was four years old that the truth came out, and only then when my biological Uncle, one of Freeza’s remaining Saiyan henchmen, finally arrived to collect my father. He was expecting a planet cleared of human life, not to find Dad settled down with a native. As I explained before, the situation was difficult, and… it did not end well. A year later the other two Saiyans arrived and Vegeta barely left with his life, even then only due to my father’s cloyingly good graces.

When we visited Namek to help our friends later that year, we jarringly found ourselves on the same side as Vegeta against Freeza, caught up in his revenge fantasy of becoming the hailed legendary Super Saiyan. I have only one or two memories of Vegeta’s first visit to Earth and a handful from Namek, and all of them involve him threatening or attempting to kill me in some fashion. After Freeza’s defeat at the hand of my father (who did so by ascending to the state of a super saiyan) and revenge for his people somewhat sated (even if not by his own hands), Vegeta stayed on Earth to terrorise the staff of Capsule Corporation instead. Over a number of years the scars faded and the rough edges were sanded over. Though as expected Vegeta moral code remained extremely Saiyan, protecting himself and his team (his family) above all else.

Of course if you’ve been following, this means everyone’s favourite company President Trunks is half alien. And a prince*. We’re taking bets on how these revelations will skew his very dedicated yet consistently rebuffed fanbase. Either way, luckily for him I don’t think the news voids his “Sexiest Man on Earth” award due to the technicality that he is on Earth, though I’m not sure the organisers intended the meaning to be stretched quite that far. Bra also has the same heritage as well as my less well known brother Goten. Pan is therefore a quarter Saiyan and was the only one for the first almost twenty years of her life, a difference I know she was painfully aware of due to endless teasing. The Saiyan genes have a strong influence and she was without any lack of ability, much to the surprise of those forces who would dismiss her as irrelevant when they came to Earth. Pan, like the rest of us, is proud of both her heritages and often makes a point to identify herself as “mostly Earthling, actually” when humiliating opponents. Now there are three other quarter Saiyans (with one on the way), easing Pan’s complex to a degree. Still, call her point-two-five or quarter-pint and she will have you in a headlock.

*(and so are Goten and I on my mother’s side, I have been loudly reminded. A touch of jealously there, brother?)

When most people speak of preloading, I believe they’re referring to alcohol before a night on the town. In our households, preloading food is part of the daily routine to appear normal.

As you may expect, both Trunks’ and Bra’s days are well-monitored due to their celebrity and VIP status so I forgive you if you find it difficult to believe that one, they are part Saiyan and two, are even ki-users, involving themselves in battles with enemies the world has never heard of. A valid doubt to have, but your uncertainty is a testament to how careful they’ve been. Maintaining the deception involves keeping the same level of balance, secrecy and preplanning I’ve had to employ in my own life.

When I first attended high school, having not really spent time around people my own age, I was told by my mother and Auntie Bulma to be extremely measured in my strength and how I chose to use it. I understood what a normal level of strength was, I could just not use my ki which is simple enough to do. But after years of summoning ki ad hoc much of its use was automatic to me, and a few times I caused… surprise… in sports classes. My slip ups set me on edge. The stares were not appealing. I did not want to be hounded about my abilities, and I desperately did not want to be cornered into revealing my heritage lest my family suffer. The Great Saiyaman outfit was designed by Bulma so I could prevent crime and keep my identity a secret, which was both extremely stylish and a load off the mind.

There was one part of my life that I couldn’t suppress or wear a mask for though - mealtimes. When the normal lunch for a student would be six hundred calories at a maximum, I’d eat a full meal instead, citing the “long commute time” from home causing me to skip breakfast. In reality I’d have a huge meal in the morning and evening and feast at the weekends. I performed the same routine during undergraduate and grad school, living at home for the former, and then moving in with Videl in Satan City for the latter. Working at the University now I have my own office and so can eat as much as possible in those few quiet moments a professor can find. Even at conferences I’ll sneak off and fly home for second evening meals. By being this meticulous and forward thinking, my ridiculous eating habits have mostly gone unremarked and heritage under the radar.

You’d think my masterminding paved the way for the kids, who were all eager to integrate into the world rather than purely fight like our fathers. You’d think. Alas, they didn’t heed my advice to the letter.

Years later, with a stubbornness I haven’t born witness to before nor since, Trunks and Goten decided to go to college. Together. In a halls of residence. And be completely independent. Well, more, Trunks decided they were going to start college together and be roommates, himself taking a year out so Goten could catch up. I’m not sure how much of a say Goten had in the matter but he didn’t seem to mind. I’m also not sure what offhand remark spurred their decision to live independently, though I guess it was mostly Trunks’ arm twisting. However, once Goten has a plan in mind nothing will persuade him otherwise and in that vein they’re both as bad as each other.

By all accounts it was a preposterous idea. Even ignoring their dietary requirements, Trunks’ food had, until then, been prepared by chefs. Goten had a little more experience, helping Mom prepare those daily banquets and cooking over campfires, but she did inadvertently sabotage his culinary education by refusing to let him do any of the heavy-duty stove cooking. Even so, the boys were extremely insistent they were to be left to their own devices which meant 24/7 proximity to people who would not understand their eating habits. How do you hide your wild appetite from a dorm full of people?

Being snapped with your cheeks full is pretty common for Saiyans.

Whatever hair-brained scheme they’d concocted together quickly fell apart and they would stock up through visits home, using Capsule Corp’s gravity training room every day and somehow always snagging an extremely large breakfast on the way out. Although the situation did get serious in the end. Trunks, being the more careful of the two around others due to the increased scrutiny he was under, fell into malnutrition attempting to keep up appearances and passed out on more than one occasion. Eventually they had to forego their independence somewhat. Bulma developed a disgusting (but extremely helpful) calorific and nutritionally balanced drink that could tide them over between meals, and they would visit home more often for a real meal, much to Mom’s genuine delight. The drink isn’t as depressing as it sounds by the way - Saiyans eat so quickly we don’t often savour food unless we think about it. Though we do have favourite foods. In fact, in the course of trying to provide for himself the sweet treats of home he missed (the strawberry daifuku that would disappear from the treat box as soon as made, no matter the number), Goten developed a knack for making sweet and baked treats. And considering that’s now the crux of his entire business, college was a good idea after all - even if the only use he gets out of his engineering major is fixing his kitchen gadgets.  

I know, I know. “What has this got to do with me learning how to use ki?” On the surface not much. Instead I wanted to take time to impress upon you that whilst Saiyans are powerful and don’t have the best of reputations in the Universe, the new generation is primarily concerned with defending you. We could take a back seat and not fight for the planet or leave to hide elsewhere, but we don’t. To be able to train to risk our lives time and time again yet try and live normal, fulfilling lives in peacetime is all we want, we just want to be left to our own devices. The same goes for our non-Saiyan, ki-using friends. We don’t need to be studied or prodded - I’ve done that for you. Nor do we need to be contained for your safety; you know we aren’t interested in world domination otherwise we’d be on the throne already (Capsule Corp an Earthling invention). I understand you might be scared. What sounded like a fun foray into making fireworks or floating five feet off the ground has moved swiftly to talk of planetary destruction. I can assure you though, right now we’re much more afraid of you than you are of us.

One of the few times I distinctly remember cursing my heritage was when Pan was nine months old. She fell sick with a heavy fever, as babies that age are wont to do. Now, received wisdom is to dose with acetaminophen (or ibuprofen) which act to reduce pain and fever, and these drugs will work for Saiyans, too. At that time however Pan was still growing and her liver function ramping up; we hadn’t taken a recent measurement to estimate the dosage she’d need. We didn’t even have precedence to go on - she was the first quarter Saiyan after all, for all we knew she could have a more Earthling physiology and would overdose. All we could do was give her enough for an full-Earthling baby and hope there’d be some impact, but over the course of the night her temperature rose further. Seeing anyone sick is distressing but knowing your child is in pain and you can do nothing, no matter how much of a superhero you are… “heartbreaking” doesn’t do the feeling justice. As a parent you’d do anything.

So I made a rash decision. We took the risk in the small hours of the night and ran her to the hospital, at least that way they could monitor drug levels in her bloodstream. We were seen quickly but of course with a lack of other symptoms our panic was dismissed as new parent syndrome, she didn’t look that bad. They wouldn’t admit her. Even spouting all the medical jargon I’d been absorbing at grad school didn’t budge them. They administered the next dose of the same drug and told us to come back should her fever get worse or she show other symptoms, all said with kindness and reassurance. They couldn’t feel her ki ebbing away. Then one passing doctor, sensing something, asked if we had any reason to believe she needed special care.

That early morning in ER I stood there, my child for all I knew and feared dying in my arms, Videl’s grip urging me to be brave and the parent in me screaming to do something - and I said nothing. It would have been so simple. I could have proved our alien blood by just transforming, the doctors would have listened and done all they could to help her I’m sure. I’m ashamed to say though fear of the repercussions, the idea of my daughter healthy but incarcerated for the world’s safety, us chased away from the only home we knew, of being perceived as frightening or being used and having our hands tied quite literally should a threat arrive on planet - those fears kept my silence. It would have been so simple to ask for help. But my resolve had faltered, and I turned and left for West City.

I felt almost beyond luck when I arrived at Bulma’s and by sheer coincidence a rare magical means of abating Pan’s fever was present. I’m not one to believe in fate or destiny, nor am I usually superstitious. However in that moment of sheer joy and relief at seeing my daughter laugh again I felt a creeping sensation that grew on the calmer flight home - the Universe was saving my daughter not for me but from me, as though some great force was opening their hands and grinning manically as I snatched without forethought the fruit I’d been selfishly demanding. I had been granted my wish without need for consequence, but I could not shake the feeling the ease at which I’d got my way would mean I’d find myself alone next time, no matter who my lack of faith in others effected. It would be my hubris reflecting back on myself and others threefold lest I change my attitude.

I learnt my lesson and slowly starting extending trust, making a friend in a doctor from another research group along the corridor and confiding in them all my medical notes. To my surprise they didn’t run to the press or summon the government - they were even mortally offended when I asked them to sign the same non-disclosure agreement Bulma gives her closer staff. They’re even a co-author on many of the papers that accompany this guide. Years later, when I (mostly) retired the cape and passed the torch to Papayaman, we invited a few police officers the Great Saiyaman had great rapport with for dinner. They were so excited ‘he’ and Videl (also the Great Saiyaman 2) were married! And again, nothing terrible happened.

They deny the accusation but I know the kids found confidants as they got older, usually accidentally or believing an exception couldn’t hurt, and of course Pan has her local students from the Pan Fighting Network who know about her ki-use at least. We’ve even had journalists sniffing around who were absorbed into the wider circle. Thankfully they understood our situation when explained fully and never published, even pushing the deception at times. Just judging by the prying calls I get every February I’m pretty sure my identity as the Great Saiyaman is an open secret at the Satan City ZTV and ZPress offices, finding me being an exercise for the interns.

When you add everything up, folding in the various levels of disclosure spread across a multitude of people, you begin to realise confiding in “a just few” has spiralled and a mailing list might be more time efficient. In fact, we realised it would be fairer on everyone if we drew a line to free people from the absurd silence they’ve held and well, here we are. This is me, my family and friends. I like to think we’re good eggs, we definitely have our flaws but above all else we’re human. As strange as we are at times, please have faith in us.

A note: There’s a chance, however slim, that this book has fallen into the hands of those who would do us and the planet harm. First, if you’re tracking Saiyans for ancient revenge or for your collection, stop. I’ll tell you straight. Don’t waste your time smashing up other planets in your hunt, we’re all here. Secondly, you’re welcome to try your best to use the information presented here to find a weakness and get us to hand the planet over.

But remember this. Better people than you have tried and failed to take this planet. Earth is our home, our only home, and it is defended.

Come and get us.

next previous first contents ask?

[sae-you-sae-me]

Hi guys :) How about this: RFA + V & Saeran stealing/ accidentally eating all of MC's candy. She finds out and plans some sweet sweet revenge hoho~

Hehe, we relate to this one on a personal level. Maybe not MC’s pettiness…actually, yeah, that too. Enjoy~

Zen:

To be fair, he gets a lot of chocolate from fans

He thought your box of chocolates was his…until he actually read the sticky note on the lid with your name on it

He felt really guilty, so he moves the note onto one of his other boxes and hopes you don’t notice

Well….when you find cherry filling in the middle of your chocolate, you notice

You can gather exactly what happened, but instead of confronting him, you decide to play around a little

You run to the store and pick up those jellybeans with nasty flavors

You cover them in chocolate and put them in a bag which you leave for Zen on the counter with a cute note

When you hear a cry of disgust, you know he ate it

He comes running to you apologizing, because he knows exactly why you did it

He promises to make it up to you however he can

“Well…I’ve been wanting to practice some new styles with my curling iron…”

You can bet he was sitting in front of you the whole day while you did some weird stuff with his hair

Yoosung:

He’s not even thinking when he steals it

You were eating some gummy bears and left it on the counter while you took a shower

Yoosung only saw candy and started eating it….all of it

You come out of the shower and see the empty bag left on the counter

You confront him right away

He just looks away and says he doesn’t know anything about it

You believe him at first, and just assumed you miscalculated how much you ate 

But a little later, he gives you a kiss goodnight and you can taste it on his lips

Still, you say nothing…you have a better idea

You buy several bags of gummy bears the next day

For the next week, you place a few secretly inside every one of his meals

By the end of the week, he’s going insane and just bursts, “Okay! I get it! Yes, I ate your gummy bears, and I promise I won’t do it again! Just please…no more…”

He makes it up to you and buys you a bunch of candies

He’ll even separate out your favorite flavors so you don’t have to dig around

Jaehee:

You weren’t home and Jaehee was having some serious cravings for chocolate

You had a small jar of them

She usually didn’t take from you, but…maybe if she took one or two you wouldn’t notice

Too bad her week was super stressful and she lost count

She stares at the bottom of the empty jar, horrified at her deeds

She tries to run to the store to pick up more before you came home

But she was too late

She was already opening the bag to fill it when you walked into the kitchen and surprised her

The chocolates went all over the floor

You’re actually really calm about it and wave it off….doesn’t mean you’re not getting revenge

Throughout the weeks, you plant little tricks everywhere

She thinks she finds a tin of cookes?…Sewing supplies

Is that a box of chocolate?….filled with carrots and celery

You even replaced the ice cream with smoothies

After a few weeks, she’s begging for forgiveness and you finally let it go

Jumin:

You had made a bag of handmade chocolates for the next RFA meeting

You had worked for hours on them, and you stepped out for a little break while they were cooling on the counter

Jumin came in, about to head out to work

He thought the chef had made them, so he thought he could take it to work and leave them on his desk

He had a meeting with a large group of people, and he handed them out as little favors

They were all gone by the time the day was over

When he came home, he found a very disgruntled you giving him the silent treatment

It wasn’t until after dinner that you finally told him what he’d done

While you were still a little upset, he knew it would soon pass

But then the next day, he finds all of his nice ties are replaced with ones with goofy patterns

“MC…why are there cookies on my tie?”

“I don’t know…ask your employees.”

He just sighs and goes with it until finally you cool off and return his regular ties

He still keeps a few of the goofy ones though, because he finds them amusing

Seven:

It was that time of the month, and you were PMSing bad

Good thing you had saved that one bar of chocolate for a time like this

You walked into the kitchen and found Seven had just finished the last piece

You were so mad, you started hitting him with the closest item next to you….a loaf of bread

He’s backed up against the wall, “Look! I’m sorry! I don’t track your cycle. How was I supposed to know?”

He tries to calm you down and cheer you up by a few tickles

But you are not amused

“You can’t solve everything with tickling!” you yell as you continue beating him with bread

After a few hours, he thinks you have calmed down and gone back to normal

Boy,oh boy, was he wrong

Everytime you gave him food, there was literally only a bite left…he would have to find the rest on his own

You’d hand him a bag of HBC with one chip in it

You’d give him one noodle on a plate

You replaced the pantry with empty cereal boxes and chip bags as well

P-E to the T-T-Y

He gets so sick of it, he orders a huge box of your favorite chocolates to appease you

Saeran:

He has no self control when it comes to sweets

He found your candy in the pantry and devoured it within a minute

You didn’t even notice until later

He wasn’t even sorry

“Well, there was no note on it saying it was yours.”

Oh, he wanted notes? He was getting notes

You literally labeled EVERYTHING in the kitchen

Every single container of food you wanted had your name on a stick note

He’s unfazed at first

Until there’s so many notes that they start getting everywhere

He just walks up to you, his sweater holding a few stray sticky notes, and tosses you two boxes of the candy he ate

You thank him…and also inform him that he would be the one removing all the sticky notes left over

V:

He was craving a midnight snack

He was sleepy too, though, so he wasn’t exactly thinking or reading labels

So, he ate your chocolate and went back to bed

The next evening, when you were preparing to enjoy your little treat, the truth comes out

You take his camera secretly and fill it with pictures of food and candy

When he finds it, he apologizes for his deed

But he’s also kind of laughing at your ridiculous little prank

You really can’t stay mad at him, and he takes you to your favorite restaurant to make up for the chocolate 

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