#i bet i look super queer in this

[very-uncorrect]

I'm wearing a long sleeved button up shirt right now and I have the sleeves rolled up to my elbows and oh baby I have never felt hotter

[shorlinesorrows]

qpr jean and neil. that's all i'm gonna say.

do you see my vision?

[krockat]

i've been wanting to commission someone to make a pfp for here, that uses the hat in my current one

cause rn it's fkn boring and beige and not very visually intrestin - and u can't even read the fkn text that makes it worth! (it's a pic of a yellow beige cap (the hat) w the text "ask me about my lobotomy" on it)

idea's to like make it pretty and faggy and me, and Also makes the text any at all readable lol.

but commissioning is hard! you gotta have like a fkn good proposal and have references, and know what you want and able to word that shit - and most often i just struggle w that.

but this time i have a concept (more than what i wrote) but like,,, i don't wanna be roughin it on an artist. i want to be a GOOD commissioner and until i got d girl't balls to do that i am gonna pass.

[twopoppies]

Just for the record Doechii is bi. But she does have a gf. She's on fire atm...collabs with Katy Perry and SZA this year. It's worth noting that yesterday in a radio interview she clapped back at an interviewer who was more interested in her private life..namely her ex bf who cheated on her with another man. Said interviewer tried making a big deal of it because it was "man on man". She held her own and schooled that interviewer about queer relationships. She's cool af to be fair.

I've been checking out her music, and she's super cool. But I can't for a single second imagine Harry and her pulling off a "romance." I think it's super interesting that she clapped back just yesterday with an interviewer who was more interested in her love life than her art. And in looking at what she said, they were also being pretty homophobic, and she shut that down in a classy way.

I would bet that is why H followed her (as well as probably liking her music).

[...] When the radio hosts turned the conversation back to her past relationship, Doechii confirmed that Williams influenced “Denial Is A River”, before being pushed by Charlamagne tha God about her experience of being with a man who had an affair with another man. “Is it shocking? Is it though?” she wondered aloud, with the radio host retorting: “Not in 2024, not really. How do you deal with that, when you find that out?” “I mean, that [his sexuality] was never the problem,” she replied, after a moment’s hesitation. “I think the problem was that you cheated on me. You also coulda let me know up front, you know, what your style was.  “I’m bisexual. That’s cool. I’ve dated bisexual men. Let me know what it is up front,” she added. Charlamagne tha God then quipped: “It’s different when it’s a man.” The “Yucky Blucky Fruitcake” rapper was quick to make it clear that it truly doesn’t matter if a man is bisexual or not, she only cares about whether he’s faithful and honest to her. “I’ll accept you for who you are. It doesn’t really matter. I think it’s cheating on top of lying and secrecy about who you are as a person.” She went on to state that she would “absolutely” be happy dating a queer man, saying: “It’s like, how can I be bisexual, and then I’m gonna not date somebody who’s bisexual. Why? Because he’s a man?” DJ Envy suggested that “people look at it differently” when a man identifies as bisexual, saying: “In this world, it’s OK for a woman to be with another woman but for a man to be with another man, people look at that differently in a bisexual relationship.” “Absolutely not, I don’t. I don’t see it that way,” came Doechii’s swift reply. “I think that sexuality is fluid, and I really don’t give a damn.” The star went on to confirm that she currently is in a “wonderful” relationship with a woman.

Full article here

[rootspiral]

hi, hello!! i absolutely adore your deep dive series into the aaa episodes, and i was wondering if you could/would feel like expanding further into agatha’s guilt towards wanda and all the emotion she shows in the first episode, when she sees wanda’s corpse? the way agnes seems to value human life is especially interesting to me, considering how much agatha has killed (and i understand agnes is a character in what’s supposed to be a very stereotypical detective series, but i remember how you said agnes is in some ways agatha at her most transparent). anyways, i thought i’d try to pick your brain a little more on the subject, because your takes are very interesting to me!

Hi hello to you, thank you for stopping by! And also thank you for your interesting question, consider my brain officially picked. I'm gonna ramble QUITE a bit because I want to talk about Agatha and misogyny first (as requested by @leoleolovesdc ) but hold in there, I'll get to wanda too.

To get to the point directly, I think that Agatha's actions are steeped in internalized misogyny, and I think it's something she inherited from her mother and the salemites. It's actually pretty common for marginalized communities or individuals to turn against their own and replicate the patterns of the oppressor, looking to ease their self-hatred or for outside acceptance or a sense of control. Think for example about super conservative wives voting against their best interests, think about all the homophobia and biphobia and transphobia and acephobia (etcetera etcetera ad infinitum) in the queer community.

The persecution of witches was essentially a war on a kind of womanhood that went against imposed gender norms. Witches (in the marvel universe and in real life) were more often than not women who lived independently, who knew herbs, who didn't marry, who worked as midwives etc. And talking about the salemites specifically and the way they treated Agatha: they did to Agatha what the external world did to them, they replicated a pattern. They targeted the odd one out, the woman in their group who was the most different, and called her evil and essentially tried to burn her at the stake.

We don't know a thing about evanora, but I would BET that a lot of her hatred stems from her own internalized misogyny / agatha being born female, and I honestly wonder if Agatha would have found it harder to love a daughter the same way she does Nicky or Billy, without any of her internalized bias kicking in. Since she was a kid Agatha had been hurt and persecuted by other witches, she's pretty much wired to mistrust and hate them. And it gets even more muddled and complicated because she hates witches but loves witchcraft, she hates women but is sexually and romantically attracted to them. She yearns to belong, but she ends up torturing and killing her own community. She allies with people like that disgusting prick who violated Jen.

Enter Wanda, who is essentially Agatha 2.0: she was born doomed by the narrative or, to say it like evanora, she was born evil. Evanora would have had a FIELD DAY with Wanda. The Scarlet Witch? The destroyer of universes? She would have tried to kill her on the spot. There is A LOT Agatha instinctively hates in Wanda, she's a woman, she's a witch, she's dangerous. Agatha does what the salemites did to her and what men did to witches: she replicates a pattern. She punishes Wanda for being too alone and too different and complicated and scary. And yes Agatha is doing it to get her hands on chaos magic and all that comes with that, but this is all the baggage she brings in.

There's the other side of the coin: Agatha hates women and witches, Agatha loves women and witches, and Agatha hates and loves Wanda. She's been essentially killing and running away for the past two centuries, refusing to dwell on the consequences of her actions, but we know that she is no unfeeling psychopath, that's just a role she plays. We know all her actions weigh on her. With Wanda that sense of guilt is even stronger because Wanda is not a random witch she kills and abandons in the woods, she has to live with her and witness all of Wanda's pain up close, how lonely she is, how scared she is, the grief of losing Pietro and Vision, it's all there to torment Agatha. She cannot be a child about it, she can't close her eyes and cover her ears and go lalala until it's over, she has to take it all in order to get what she wants. And what's worse, Wanda is so similar to her that Agatha can picture exactly what she's feeling down to her bones, that's empathy to the max. And she goes through with her plan and does horrible things to Wanda anyway.

Knowing Agatha like we know her now, I'm convinced that her guilt about Wanda is especially hard to deal with, but Agatha has always refused to deal with any of her inner struggles, so Wanda just goes on the pile together with all the painful and complicated feelings she's pointedly ignoring, and which are not haunting her at all, thank you very much!

Except when she's Agnes, because all the feeling are still there but she doesn't know where they come from. I'd say that more than transparent Agnes is unfiltered, she doesn't know she should censor her struggles like Agatha does. Based on Agnes, we can plainly see what the biggest issues on her Inner Pile of Shit and Sorrow are: grief over Nicky's loss, anger and yearning for Rio, extreme loneliness, and guilt over those she hurt, with a particular emphasis on Wanda.

[thegayloragenda]

Okay I want to put all of my current predictions out here (these are subject to change, of course):

• I think this show is going to get a little more colorful or a little bit more gay with each show because I think she’s running out the clock.

• I am CLOWNING for an eventual pronoun change during surprise songs.

• I think Karlie will probably show up again. And if she shows up for the rep announcement I will die dead.

• I’m also clowning for a rainbow variation of every outfit or perhaps a debutation variation if she plans to drop them together. Maybe a karma outfit. Idk. I don’t really know what is coming next in regard to music or if there will be anything (what if she just went black out for a year and then dropped rep next December 😂).

• I’m split because I think she’s either going to continue this Travis stunt until the Super Bowl or she’ll break up with him while on tour (if it’s real that’s totally fine but the way this relationship has been crammed down our throats gives me the ick so bad). I have no idea how that breakup will go down especially since they’ve made an entire Christmas movie about this relationship.

• I’m still assuming we’ll get a proposal / breakup.

Overall, I don’t think Taylor Swift would pander to this side of the fandom the way she has if she didn’t have a plan to blow everything up. I assume she’s a good person. I assume she’s supportive of the fans who see her. I’ve been in this fandom long enough to know what it looks like when she’s in the closet and when she isn’t. The closet isn’t even glass anymore. The closet is just invisible at this point so if she’s just a straight girl who loves rainbows, she’s absolutely diabolical in the very worst ways.

And before anyone comes for me, yes she can be bi or pan or whatever she wants to be. I don’t care about muses or labels. I notice patterns and I can’t help but connect the dots. I see bi and lesbian dresses and her calling attention to them so that’s where my focus is. I care about freedom for her (whatever that looks like) and I also think some clarity about who she actually is will help a lot of us decide if we want to keep supporting her and giving her our money. I’m placing my bet on her being who I think she is so I’m here to support her until the end of this roller coaster ride.

I will make a post on the final day of this tour but I just want to say this: I have had the TIME OF MY LIFE in this labyrinth. I have made lifelong friends because of this side of the fandom. Thank you to ALL of my friends on here who have followed me and commented on my posts and said such kind things. Thank you to everyone who has messaged me their insights and theories. And finally, thank you to my fans who have messaged me your homophobic, brain-rotted hate comments. Good luck in the aftermath!

And to Taylor (if you ever see this), thank you for keeping my mind so stimulated. I will probably never get dementia because of you. You have been so good for my brain health. Thank you for teaching me about my own history as a queer girlie. Thank you for helping me heal my relationship with my neurodivergent self. Thank you for being the “mother” who saw me when my own mother just talks about how gross and wrong gay people are. Thank you for being kind and strong and brave in the face of shame and fear and danger. Thank you for leading a revolution of New Romantics! No one does it like you, girl. I love you so much. I hope you got a giggle over the chaos and the wrong predictions. I hope this tour brought you joy and hope and peace and healing. I know I haven’t always seen eye to eye with some of your choices, but I do respect you and I do hope the rest of your life is sunshine and rainbows and you get to hug your mom forever and take really long naps with your person after all of this is over. Long live 💜

Update: I do think the election plays a big role in how loud she can be. @casuallycruel131313 pointed this out, too. We’ll get way more once Kamala has been elected! I think Canada shows will be wildddd.

[yandereunsolved]

Yandere Visenya who falls for the upright guy who match her energy and who accept Maegor as his own and who don’t take insults to his family lightly, Maegor grow ups with brothers and sister that treat him like one of their own.

Some nobleman: Perhaps I should ask for Queen dowager Visenya’s hand

Maegor and his siblings: *hysterical fit of laughter and try to get up*

Darling *finds the nobleman* come outside🙂 *nobleman might or might have not get his bones broken*

I just like the idea of Visenya finding someone who loves her and is a moral light in her life🥹 she’s cold and cruel sure but is also super loving to her man and he makes sure the kids turns out alright

Tis such an adorable idea. I love the thought so much. Visenya definitely looked so imposing when she first met her darling. Darling was definitely slightly scared. They were thinking something along the lines with "oh, no, no, no. did I do something wrong? no poisoning please. no torture either."

Visenya then asks them if they would like to court.

Darling is just kind of like: 😵‍💫🥴 "Yes, my queen."

They are 1000% percent a family person. They fit right in. Not even Maegor wants to kill them. That is saying a lot.

⋆ I also have to add a transmasc darling in. ⋆

Visenya is surprised after she sees him for the first time in a few years. Woah. She is pretty accepting for the time. She loves her darling and wants him to be the best man he can be.

Random Guard: "Why are they letting such a pussy be king?"

Another Guard: "Bet she has one."

Maegor is just sneaking up behind them and then drags them to the dungeons for torture.

Maegor shows his father all the transphobic people he has tortured to death.

Maegor: "Look, father. Are you proud?"

I don't necessarily think Maegor is the most accepting of queer people. However, since his father has been there since he was young it is kind of just ingrained into him. My father is a man. And he should think that! His father is the most family man.

[the-ladys-beloved-sunflower]

Try me (affectionately)

How odd.

On the paper itself, you can see from 20:51 and ending at 21:06 just last year.

C'est une grande different, en plus das best wel behoorlijk grappig dat haar haren zijt te groot

Bah, reference originally from Pinterest (can't find which it was) and honestly that's such a weird way to see old to new art..??

[buddierecs]

sexuality realisation buddie fics

aka sexuality crisis fics. this list has different rated fics, so please look at the rating make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

the definition of love and all things ineffable by: elvensorceress "In which buck processes his breakup, learns his place in his family, has a huge crisis of sexuality, and finds the truth about love beating in his own heart." word count: 29k rating: teen and up important tags: friends to lovers, mutual pining, getting together, idiots in love, buckley-diaz family, mild sexual content eddie diaz vs the feelings by: elvensorceress "eddie dives into the mysteries of attraction, romantic love, and asexuality because there's a good chance he's fallen in love with his best friend." word count: 63k rating: explicit important tags: friends to lovers, demisexuality, asexuality, angst, fluff, emotional hurt/comfort, slow burn, mutual pining, anal sex, hand jobs courtship behaviours of southern coastal husbros by: mad_lori "buck and eddie decide to become platonic domestic partners and co-parents. they are 100% super normal about it and absolutely nothing is awakened in them, except a mutual annoyance at being referred to as "husbros." word count: 49k rating: explicit important tags: domestic partners, friends to lovers, slow burn, friends with benefits, demisexuality, fluid sexuality, fluff, eventual smut, oral sex help me to help myself by: woodchoc_magnum "in which eddie slowly figures out who he really is in the aftermath of his breakdown." word count: 26k rating: mature important tags: angst, depression, mental breakdown, pining, getting together, team as family, soft!buddie darker days, brighter endings by: farfromstars "a fic on eddie’s recovery after 4x14." word count: 44k rating: teen and up important tags: injury recovery, ptsd, panic attacks, therapy, minor eddie/ana, minor buck/taylor, pining, friends to lovers, getting together let's hear it for the boy by: hattalove "in which eddie attends a self-empowerment group for gbtq men to supplement his therapy, and is empowered to: forgive himself, say "i'm gay" to his own reflection in the mirror, accidentally adopt an adult, make fried rice, and tell his straight best friend that he's in love with him. not necessarily in that order." word count: 56k rating: teen and up important tags: queer themes, self-discovery, friends to lovers, coming out, getting together, queer awakening, pining, gay disaster!eddie diaz tell me about despair by: hattalove "the entity often affectionately referred to as the unrepression fic" word count: 148k rating: mature important tags: character study, angst, ptsd, therapy, communication, queer awakening, friends to lovers remember me, love (when i'm reborn) by: kwills "eddie has a sexuality crisis, and it's nothing like buck described it. it's not freedom. it's hell. but maybe not forever" word count: 12k rating: teen and up important tags: internalised homophobia, catholic guilt, angst, coming out, minor buck/tommy, getting together, feelings realization you still make sense to me by: farfromthstars "eddie is ready for a new relationship – but why does it never feel right? buck has a lot to work through, and doing that comes with a few realizations." word count: 31k rating: mature important tags: asexuality spectrum, therapy, coming out, mutual pining, idiots in love, mild sexual content i bet my hand fits right in your hands by: blob_blob "after they leave texas, buck has a sexuality crisis in TKs dms, and also when eddie asks who he's texting he panics and makes up an entire girlfriend to avoid admitting to eddie that he's having a sexuality crisis" word count: 7.5k rating: teen and up important tags: fluff, light angst, coming out, texting oh, how could i have been so wrong by: prettyboybuckley "buck figures out his sexuality at the age of 30" word count: 7k rating: mature important tags: self-discovery, love confessions, jealous!eddie diaz, first kiss, hand jobs

[chrisredfield73]

Could you do a reader who accidentally tells the tf2 mercs they're gay/queer in sexuality? With some angst from the reader because they're worried it'll affect how the mercs see them. And depending on the merc, some comfort?

This is a bit self-indulgent as I am a girl who likes girls, but it can be written for anyone

The reader is meant to be a teen so it's strictly platonic!

A/N: As a gay trans guy, I understand the angst and fear! Thank you for requesting!!

For Spy's part-

Mon chou means 'my cabbage' (weird term of endearment for kids but it's really sweet)

--------------------------------------------------------------

You let it slip, accidentally, but it immediately made you panic. You mentioned liking the same gender as you. The fear of not being accepted hit you like a tidal wave, as you stare wide eyed at the merc in front of you..

Scout:

He's surprised, to say the least.

He definitely makes a snarky and sarcastic joke, but he quickly shuts up when he notices your fear.

"Hey now.. Don't get all nervous on me."

He's pretty supportive overall, giving you some reassuring comments and a pat on the back.

"Listen.. I don't know how all the other guys would react, but I'm okay with it. Don't worry, I won't say anything."

He may make some hints about it to the others, but he doesn't go too far.

He also definitely would help you find a s/o and he would beg to hear who you like.

Soldier:

Now for this big himbo, it's a 50/50.

He either doesn't hear or get what you've said, or he heard it and he's judging you.

"What was that, maggot?"

If he didn't hear you or understand you, you could definitely play it off as a joke. He'd probably laugh it off with you, not even noticing how nervous you are.

If he heard you and is now judging you, he's staring at you through narrowed eyes. "You're queer?"

He's definitely not supportive... At first. You could probably, eventually, get him to come around and be supportive.

He has that mentality of, "I was raised thinking it was wrong so it's wrong."

Pyro:

When he heard you say that, it's completely obvious he supports you.

He gives you a thumbs up and a hug for reassurance.

"Mff mff mm mmff."

You're not sure what he just said, but you can tell it was something supportive by how he just acted.

He helps make sure you're comfortable, even giving you gifts that are discreet pride flag colors.

If any of the other guys catch wind about it, you can bet that Pyro will be there to stand up for you.

Demoman:

Another one of the guys that's 50/50 about it.

If he's drunk, he's either not going to act supportive, when he actually is, or he's not going to be paying attention to anything you just said. "What..?"

In the rare occasion that he's not drunk, he's very supportive and will give you a hug.

"Ey there, lass/lad, no need to worry. It's alright with me."

He is one of the supportive ones, despite being an idiot when he's drunk. He's proud of you for being yourself, even if you're not out to everyone.

Heavy:

He's shocked, looking over at you with wide eyes.

He doesn't say anything for a moment, before noticing your anxiousness.

He's not super supportive, but he's not going to judge you about your preferences.

"Heavy is not mad. Heavy is happy you're happy."

He gives you a pat and maybe even rubs your back, trying to help you feel better.

He won't tell anyone about it, he's the second best secret keeper on the team.

"Heavy won't tell anyone, Heavy pretends he never heard it."

Engineer:

He's caught off-guard, but he's supportive 100%.

"Oh? I never would've thought..."

He gives you a reassuring smile and hugs you gently.

"Don't worry, kid. I won't tell nobody. You have my word."

He's the first best secret keeper, and he's basically the supportive dad of the team.

He'll, much like Pyro, also get you discreet pride gifts to show he supports you and to make you feel better.

All in all, Engineer is the best to share things with, he's a calm and gentle soul who just wants to see you happy.

Medic:

He had his suspicions, he suspects a lot of things about a lot of people.

"Oh? You like women/men?"

He's pretty supportive, but he's not a very touchy person. He'd prefer to not have a ton of physical contact.

He gives you a quick rub on the back before pulling away.

"I'm not going to judge you, there are things far worse than not being straight."

He's not the best for comfort but he is, at least, mostly supportive.

Sniper:

He stops what he's doing and turns to look at you, his expression and emotion unreadable.

"You... You're what now?"

He notices you panicking and steps over to you, offering you a small smile.

He gently ruffles your hair and chuckles, "Easy now, roo. Calm down. I'm not judgin' ya, I'm just confused."

He's okay with you elaborating on your sexuality, and he's okay with you not talking about it anymore.

He's also good at not telling anyone about your sexuality, he prefers to keep to himself anyway.

Spy:

He let's out a low hum, raising a brow. He definitely didn't expect that.

"...Hmm?"

He's polite, not teasing you or making fun of you.

He doesn't really understand but he's not going to go out of his way to judge you or make fun of you.

"Don't worry, mon chou. I'm not going to judge you."

He sets down his cigarette in his ashtray and pulls you in for a hug.

He's one that doesn't like physical affection very much, but seeing you in slight distress makes him want to comfort you.

He almost thinks of you like his child, and he just wants to see you happy.

[iambicpentameterhamster]

What i think of you based on your favourite Six of Crows character

Matthias Helvar:

You probably read a lot in the fantasy genre and take yourself too seriously (no offense) probably busy daydreaming about profound things and writing poems that you'll eventually delete. You love bleak and gritty stories and you listen to Coldplay, Conan Gray or The Tortured Poets Department. No shade though, you guys are probably great friends with value for loyalty. In summary, i think you're all either really intense and ernest or totally shy and quiet. You're probably heterosexual to be honest.

Nina Zenik:

I think people who's favourite is Nina don't tend to be much like her in real life, but are the type of people that would really want to befriend her. I'd say you're more introverted and quietly friendly, but then you act totally different and comfortable with the right friends. Technically disapproving of gossip, but turn into Regina George if the rumour is juicy enough- secretly judgemental but it all comes out to your best friends. You have a good sense of humour and probably quite a cynical/pessimist mindset overall. I know you like campy films like Legally Blonde and Clueless. Oh, and your favourite subject is definately history.

Inej Ghafta:

If you're drawn to the steady and honest beat of Inej's thoughts, I think you're quite an anxious or scattered person who enjoys how safe and comforting she feels as a character. I'd say you're a sensitive person with a keen eye for colour and art. Your favourite chapters in SOC are definately the backstory and romance chapters. You cry often at films and music and just when you feel bittersweet or happy. You have Hozier, Mitski or Radiohead on your playlists. You're either artsy smart or english smart, there's no way your a science/maths kinda person.

Wylan Van Eck:

This one is split. You're either one of those people that infantalises and simplifies his character and reduces both him and Jesper to their ship and nothing else, OR you're literally the best person ever. If you're the latter, you're probably super empathetic and appreciate depth as well as a good laugh, and i severley doubt you yourself enjoy maths and chemistry despite loving that look for Wylan. I've also never met a Wylan stan who wasn't a HARDCORE fan of SOC in general. You guys are the loudest complainers about Shadow and Bone being cancelled, and honestly, power to you. I bet your room is a bombsite right now too- pick up those dirty clothes, for christ sake.

Kaz Brekker:

All Kaz Brekker fans are somewhat infatuated with him. Your favourite chapters/scenes are absolutely the action and sexual tension scenes. All about high stakes and excitement, and you love to be surprised. That or you have a big thing for the bad boy trope. I think you have "dark achademia" or grunge-ey pinterest boards that don't match your real life style. I also think you think chess and piano are really sexy but play neither yourself. You and your friends probably read terrible Wattpad stories for a joke. Generally, you're somehow relaxed and simultaneously intense as fuck. 70% of you are Queer women people, other 30% are intensely heterosexual.

Jesper Fahey:

You have Queen on your playlist. Queen or Gorillaz. You're probably a quite casual person who is taken with Jesper's charm and humour, and you appreciate the comedic relief as you don't enjoy too much grit and heavy stuff with no humour breaks. But despite being not the most sensitive person in the world, Jesper's backstory caught you off guard and it HURT. I think you love comedies and action, you're decent at school and you're quite popular with a good circle of friends. A social person. Potential theatre kid, but minor roles/tech, and the only musical you really like is Hamilton lmao. You are generally a funny person, but you've definately experienced that moment where you tell a joke and nobody laughs.

Anybody else:

Non-existent.

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Any rogues

Reaction to the heroes going, "Something's queer afoot" "That'll be us" cue the duos muffled wheezing

Somethings Queer Afoot

The rogue wasn't quick enough to escape, meaning they were hiding in the crime scene with a henchman by their side when they overheard the heroes conversation.

Scarecrow: The henchman looked rather awkwardly and somewhat concerned at the sound of the wheeze. He looked to Jonathan who was staring off at the ground without expression. It wasn't clear if he was tuning them out or if he found it irritating. He simply just sat there as the wheezing continued.

The Riddler: "I bet they're just out." He murmured to himself and his henchman frowned. "Eh?" Edward elaborated. "Only those just out the closet find that funny." He truly felt he was surrounded by idiots. Is the bar of their humour that low? He was the master of puns and this severely disappointed him.

Two-Face: He shook his head with a sigh as something occurred to him. Then he muttered to himself. "Why am I the crazy one? I flip a coin to make decisions. Those nutjobs are giggling in a crime scene!" He couldn't believe it. He's the outcast of society and the saint supers over there are giggling about something unrelated. One having a wheeze so strong he was certain they should go to a doctor about it.

Black Mask: There was a long pause. "Are they gay?" He asked quietly. The goon shrugged. "I think it's an umbrella term now. Could mean anything but straight." "What?" "You know the terms gay or bisexual are considered too restrictive by some people. So they prefer queer." "So they ain't gay?" "No. Yes. Maybe. Probably. Just with a little flare on the side." The goon replied and black mask nearly blew their cover when he asked a little louder. "What the fuck does that mean!?" He didn't understand. He feels old. It's a bit of a touchy subject for him. Not because he has a problem with it in itself- because he has a problem with anything he can't wrap his head around.

Penguin: "Well now ain't that nice? They're comfortable enough to make jokes. That's nice." He smiled slightly but his henchman looked at them like they grew another head. Mostly wondering why that was being brought up now and how they found it so funny. Oswald saw it much more judgemental and elbowed the henchman. "What!? You never seen a couple of queers before!?"

[fandomfics]

The Trouble with Love

Part 3

Pairings: Cooper Howard/The Ghoul x John Hancock x fem Reader

Description: After a mishap in the wasteland you are left to wonder if the ghouls you care for and have traveled with for years feel anything for you. The answers you find are not what you expected and leave you with more questions than answers.

Part 1 Part 2

⚠️ WARNINGS ⚠️

18+ only, MDNI

Unprotected anal, creampie, light dubcon? But like not really, queer, thruple, masterbation, Dom/sub dynamics, name calling, pet names, punishment, oral (m), praise/degradation, teasing, edging, violence, drugs

Not a long wait for the good stuff

Your head snaps up and your eyes meet his, "what the hell?" You blurt out.

"Yeah, when we started comin round Goodneighbor. Late night at the bar. Got carried away betting on who the better shot is. One thing led to another and we had a grand ol time."

You can't tell if the smile he cracks at that moment is because he's joking or he's amused by the expression on your face.

"You're messing with me, right?"

"God's honest truth sweetheart."

"Well that's....uh... Kinda fuckin hot." You say unable to keep yourself from imagining every lurid detail, your core throbbing at the thought. "I guess we should probably go work this whole dynamic out with him.....figure this out before we all get too deep."

"Heh, sure thing sugar." Cooper gets up with a groan and you follow. After you've redressed you head over to the statehouse to find Hancock in his office.

"Close the door on your way out Fahrenheit." Hancock turns to you both with a deep inhale.

"You two smell like you were up to something." He chuckles before making his way to to the couch. He sinks into it and gestures for you to sit too.

"We should talk about us...all of us" you say looking into his obsidian eyes.

"Look, whatever you decide I'll respect."

"I want to be with you both. I...I want the three of us to be together. I don't want to choose between you. I know neither of you are the sharing type, but I think this could work for us."

A pregnant pause comes over the room before Hancock turns his gaze to Cooper. "So does that mean you and I can also resume our elicit activities?"

"Oh God yes. " You blurt out shamelessly. Cooper nods to him with a wink and a small chuckle.

"Count me in Sunshine."

▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️

Days later you lay on your back with your head in Cooper's lap and your legs draped over Hancock's while chems course through you. You've spent a lazy afternoon getting high in your room, needing the relief. Not even an hour after walking into Hancock's office someone burst in frantically looking for your trio, their loved one needing to be rescued from some nearby super mutants. Of course you couldn't say no, but you couldn't help but feel disappointed that you couldn't bask in the newness of this relationship.

Now that you're back you're determined to take a bit of time off, "One week. No jobs." You demanded. Neither ghoul protested, knowing it was going to futile to do so even if they had wanted to.

"So... Who wants to tell me the story of your first encounter." You suddenly say breaking the companionable silence that had settled in.

"Well, I had won a bet-" Hancock starts

"Like hell ya did, you cheated you dirty bastard!" Cooper raises his voice mockingly challenging Hancock

He shrugs nonchalantly "Landed me that pretty little ass of yours didn't it."

"I s'pose it did." Cooper chuckles "as much as I'd love ta tell ya, I think ya'd like it more if ya saw it. Be back in two ticks." Your eyes light up at the delicious thought, Cooper leaves for just a few minutes before returning with a holotape.

"Maybe sometimes I have the good doctor record my time in the loungers..." He gets the tape in the TV and it hums to life with black and white images of them. Cooper takes his seat as your pillow and you focus your full attention on the ghouls on the screen.

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Somewhere around 2am in a dimly lit alley in Goodneighbor Cooper silently stalks Hancock. He pushes him against a wall, hand covering his mouth.

"Ya no good sonofabitch," Cooper hisses "Ya cheated me, ya owe me 100 caps!" He removes his hand from Hancock's mouth to allow him to speak.

"No idea what you're talking about." He replies coyly

"I know the bet was rigged, now give me my caps before I split ya open."

A mischievous smile plays across Hancock's face, "Is that a promise? I do have a thing for handsome angry cowboys."

"What the fuck are ya talking about?

One of Hancock's hands finds it's way to Cooper's bulge and he's momentarily startled before replying.

"Ya think this is a game? Give. Me. My. Caps."

"My bad," Hancock raises his hands in surrender "come up to my office, I'll get em for you!"

Cooper releases Hancock and follows him closely inside the statehouse. Once in the office the door closes and Hancock bends down to open a drawer at his desk to retrieve the caps.

"Stay right there." Cooper gowls and positions himself behind him to ensure that he's not reaching for a weapon. "Put the caps on the desk slowly. "

Hancock obeys and starts to straighten until he feels a hand on his back, pushing him down face first into the desk and Cooper's groin against his ass.

"What do ya s'pose yer punishment should be."

Hancock smirks "you did promise to split me open..."

"Well now, yer gonna stand right there, not movin a muscle unless I say ya can."

"Yes sir." Hancock is obedient

▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️

Your face is hot and you can feel yourself starting to get wet. You shove your hand into your pants and start to swirl your fingers around your clit. Both ghouls notice immediately and let their hands wander your body.

"Ya like that doll?" Cooper says letting an ungloved hand grab your breast over your t-shirt while Hancock runs his fingers lightly over your thighs.

You hum in response.

▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️

Cooper lifts Hancocks frock coat until the bottom is resting on his back and roughly unbuttons his pants allowing them to pool around his ankles.

"Stay." Cooper wanders the room checking drawers, nooks, crannies, and cabinets until he finds what he's looking for. A bottle of cooking oil. "Yer lucky I'm a gentleman. This kindness is more than ya deserve after what you pulled"

"Thank you sir."

He places himself behind Hancock again as he removes his gloves. After diping a finger into the oil he spreads his ass and begins to massage the other ghouls tight hole. Hancock moans loudly as Cooper let's a finger slide in and begins pumping it inside him. He slowly adds fingers, priming it for his own needs before bringing them back out.

"Get down on yer knees." Hancock does as he's told, now looking up at Cooper as he frees his erection from the constraints of his pants. Hancock immediately moves to take it greedily into his mouth, eager to please.

"Just couldn't wait ta get a taste could ya, ya lil whore" Hancock hums in agreement, taking all of Cooper's cock into his mouth.

Cooper places both hands on the back of Hancocks head and bucks into him slowly building speed with each thrust, watching his eyes water as the tip hits the back of his throat. Eventually he moves to stroke his own but is stopped, "tsk tsk, what did I say?" Cooper says disapprovingly. Immediately he corrects himself and moves his hands behind his back to avoid the temptation.

"That's it, good boy." He says with a moan, he stops with his cock fully embedded, "Are ya ready for yer punishment?" Hancock nods as much as he can with his mouth full of Cooper. With his member withdrawn he pulls Hancock up by his coat and bends him over the desk, pushing the frock coat out of his way once more.

He massages Hancock's asshole with the tip of his dick, slowly working it in, a long drawn out moan from each resounds.

▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️

The ghouls have undressed you as you still lay across them. Hancock lazily teases your clit with his fingers while Cooper watches on, pinching your nipples. You're eyes are still fixed on the screen.

▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️

Cooper grabs Hancocks hips and ruts into him hard and quick. The sounds of moans and skin slapping skin fills the room. Hancock claws at the desk in pleasure, every thrust is hitting home by the look on his face. He's flush with anticipation and need, clearly desperate to chase the high of climax.

"Sir," Hancock pants "can I cum, I'm so close..."

Cooper reaches around and holds the base of Hancocks cock and balls to prevent him from finishing, and whispers "No, ya can't."

He continues to fuck him hard until hes good and ready to spill inside of him. Cooper shudders as his rhythm is thrown off and he gives one last deep thrust, holding himself there for a moment. When he's finished he steps away, finally releasing Hancock.

"Alright, you were a good lil whore, go ahead." As soon as Cooper's hand leaves his member Hancock is unable to hold himself back and spills all over the floor and desk.

"If ya need anymore punishin', let me know." He says as he rights his clothing before grabbing the caps and leaving the room.

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The screen fades to black and you find yourself still being teased, "She's a dripping mess Coop." Hancock smiles

"Guess we're gonna have to take care of that now aren't we..."

[prettyboypistol]

I'm not sure if requests are open so if not feel free to delete this ask! Can you do the mercs realizing they're into men because of the reader?

Of course! By the way, this is my 100th post! lucky lucky Anon! This goes out to all of the rest of my followers! Thank you for all the support and followers! I'll always look at your messages and write for TF2! I couldn't be here without all of you! Thank you for letting me be the weird gay man who likes writing about old gay men kissing! -PrinceThomas :>

Tf2 Mercs x M!Reader || Gay Awakening! +18

Scout

Super in denial at first, compares you to actors he likes or thinks are hot and kinda shelves it. Is MAD jealous that you just somehow look great no matter what (to him hehe)

Realizes he has a crush on you when his usual spank bank material of girls isn't really doing it for him anymore. It's 4am, he's tired and horny and a little drunk... his mind just wandered, okay?!

Daydreamer 100%, but his feelings for you and his feelings for Miss Pauling kinda fuck him up ngl?? Is he a homo or not?? I mean, he likes boobs and lipstick and girls, but the rough and tumbled grease in your stubble just gets him rarin in a way girls didn't.

Bisexual struggles fr. Assuming that you're a Stonewall riot supporter, he'd probably try to roundabout ask if he can experiment with you.

What really set you apart from the other mercs is that you just look good compared to them! Yeah, there are some conventionally attractive guys, but you're h o t.

Soldier

Soldier, like Scout, assumed his attraction to you was something more akin to respect or friendliness. I mean, no other soldier he's ever met sacrificed himself to save him! That takes guts! Yeah, you respawned after, but the honor was still there for him.

Develops or at least tries to develop a friendship like what he with Demoman. He might come off like a very determined puppy, but you know he means well.

Uses you as someone to compare others too. (Ex. "SCOUT! THAT WAS HORRENDOUS TECHNIQUE! TAKE A LOOK AT THAT FINE MAN OVER THERE! DETERMINED! STRONG! TAKE NOTES, PRINCESS!")

When he does realize it's love, he is upfront and honest about his feelings with you. After all, if Jane did like men, he could find more powerful army and recreate that unbeatable ancient army of homosexuals!

Asks around about romance, probably interrogates Medic about how to court another man because let's be honest Medic looks gay as he'll and I will die on the hill that every merc just assumes that man is queer.

Pyro

In Pyroland, you're a prince on a unicorn. You're straight out of a fairy tale. They're overjoyed to have a prince in Pyroland rather than just babies! Yeah, it's fun to be childish, but a whimsical joy that are more complex are fun too!

Absolutely follows you around and talks about you to Engie non-stop. Engie jokes that Pyro might have a crush on you and they seriously consider it. They realize you're attractive when you do a party trick of spitting out Bug spray and lighting it on fire, making it look like you breathe fire.

As you cough and retch at the lingering taste of bug repellant in your mouth, Pyro applauds your trick and keeps trying to talk to you. They eventually are able to communicate to you, asking if you have any more fire tricks. You show them that you can twirl a pencil between all your fingers when the eraser tip is lit up like a candle.

You can kind of tell that they like you romantically, but you're not sure how to tell them that you know. A few chats with Engie tells you all you need to know: Pyro has never pursued a romantic interest, Pyro likes you, and that you can probably get their attention with an honest conversation.

Demoman

The most casual about their realization that they like you- and men in general. Just a peek at you in the showers after a particularly clutch victory caused a few rather dirty thoughts. It wasn't that big of a deal to him and kept his attitude of a drunken "Well, a hole's a hole, I bet he's tight."

Probably offers a little bit of fun after a long night of party, definitely a lot more drunk than usual as he leans a tad too close for friendship. That deep, gravelly, and warm voice growled in your ear with an open offer to join him in his room that night.

If you joined, he wouldn't remember the night and regret that he forgot the night in the morning when you and him snuggle awake. If you decline it's no harm no foul.

One of those types of guys who actually can balance his feelings for you along with his friendship- he keeps the ball in your court and stayed professionally friendly, maybe a tad brotherly competitive.

Heavy

This man is an iron wall to hide his feelings. He had the idea that he just wasn't the type to want a relationship- which was fine, more time to work to keep his family safe- but then you jumped out into danger to protect him. He was on the brink of death and you selflessly risked your life for him! Yeah, you both respawned, but it was the gesture that mattered!

His eyes trailed you a lot more often, like a security camera. He pretended to be read his book, but he knew exactly where you were. Medic is the first to notice this change.

Medic asks about Heavy's feelings for you, since Heavy had never ordered Medic to go heal anyone else before! Hell, the both of you tended to stay behind Heavy during battles after that, so you two had a sense of closeness.

When you all went out on a trip to the beach, Heavy loved watching you in the water, and even allowed himself to be dragged in by you to play water polo with Soldier and Demoman. He's a long game of chess, hopefully you can win him over!

Is a bit more protective of you out of battle, but that's something only the people he threatens is aware of.

Engie

Oh fucking god holy shit what the hell man's fucking gay PANICS. DELL IS HEARTSTOPPINGLY FROZEN IN FEAR WHEN HE REALIZES THAT HE LIKES MEN.

All you did was scale a chainlink fence with ease, albeit with a small growling as the metal dug into your fingers. Dell swallowed the feeling thickly. He didn't mean to stare at your ass, really! It just sorta... happened.

And then it happened again as he kneeled to construct a sentry. Then when he was sat down at the kitchen table as you walked by. The only time he didn't catch a glance was when you turned to him with a smug look and a "if you wanna look at my ass, you could just ask."

He knows a lot of gay cowboy culture, but was far too scared to go ahead with a few of the gestures. Although, you weren't as shy, giving him a grey handkerchief when he spillied oil on himself.(translation: grey handkerchief=bondage kink)

Finally- FINALLY! He offers you his hat on a very hot day with his head looking straight at the ground.(translation: if a cowboy puts his hat on your head, y'all fucking)

Sniper

In the top 3 of "chillest reactions to realizing he likes men", but barely on the podium yk?

Mick was doing some target practice and had lost track of time, his pot of coffee and snack pile had been long empty. Right as he was about to get up to stretch his legs, he saw you on the last rung to the ladder of his nest. "Oh hey Snipes! You missed lunch and dinner, 'decided to check in on our favorite sharpshooter." When you stay for a few moments and hand him the bottles of water and leftovers from dinner, he realized that nobody made him feel that loved.

You just being kind sends him into a "did he do that to hit on me? Does he do this to everyone?" Yeah he panics about everything you do, but not because you're a man- it's because a crush is a crush to him!

Sniper does genuinely try to show interest, but in a subtle way like inviting you out to take a smoke break, target practice, maybe offer to let you join him to survivalist camp for a few days.

Spy

Silver medalist of the chill reaction podium, mainly because he laments to himself about all the potential money he had lost by not seducing more men in his more freelance espionage days. He could have hooked up with Saxton Hale to swindle that oaf out of millions- if he had thought of that.

Does a full background and thorough investigation into your personal life, how you reacted to the huge news event of Stonewall, if you had ever hooked up with a man, anything to see if he had a chance to sneak into your dating pool.

He treats you a lot like how he treats the women he seduces, but has to overcome how you brush him off casually like a man. Women were a language Spy speant years studying, so much so that he seldom kept up with the more masculine way of communicating.

At his wit's end, he just asks you bluntly. "Listen, I find you hot. I've been trying to get into your pants for almost 2 months now, do you want to have sex?"

Medic

This man already knew he was gay before you pulled up, sorry. BUT BUT BUT you are the first crush he's had! Yeah, he knew he liked the idealized version of a man he made up in his head, but you are better than the fictional men in books!

Despite the stereotype for Medic, he didn't fall for you when he saw you on his operating table. You and Engie were theorycrafting about hypothetical cybernetic enhancements. Engie had said something biologically inaccurate about the immune system, and before Medic could interrupt your private conversation, you corrected Engie! Not in a demeaning way, but in a way that clearly showed that you had a love for biological science. Medic's heart skipped a beat.

Constantly offering you new enhancements for your body and coddles you about painful proedures (he actually gives you anathesia! How sweet!) and sends his experimental ideas to you for a betaread over. For Medic, that's essentially a confession in and of itself!

Has written your name in little hearts on his note margins and uses you as his anatomy sketch references when he needs to visualize the human skeleton.

[churchstopsurgeryscars]

Hey y'all if I tried to write even a short fic regarding this ship it would take weeks so here's my Reds and Blues Polycule Chart™️

Note: Platonic refers to Queer Platonic Partners not just standard friendships.

(Separate photos of each category and headcannons under the cut. CW for some NSFW themes)

(NSFW) Tucker and Kai tried being romantic partners, but realized that they were both just in it for the sex and decided to remain friends who have sex

(NSFW) Wash and Donut have had sex a total of 3 times and each time have been when Wash was so stressed out and lonely and Donut just decided to give him a hand. They don't speak of it and act like it never happened because Wash is embarrassed.

(NSFW) Donut, Grif, and Simmons have had multiple threesomes.

Wash, Carolina and Church are not genetic siblings but they consider themselves siblings because of their bond. People outside the polycule assume Carolina and Wash are dating and it offends them every time.

Sarge sees Simmons and Lopez as his sons and would protect them at all costs.

Grif and Kai...obviously

Church and Simmons ended up getting really close when Simmons decided to defect to Blue Team in Blood Gulch. They're a pair of massive nerds and love to discuss their favorite video games and TV shows. These discussions look like arguments to an outsider but they're having a great time

Doc, Kai and Donut all separately came to Locus with the goal of helping him experience life. Doc and Locus garden together. Kai takes him to a LOT of parties. And Donut has been teaching him about self care like makeup, skincare, bubble baths and things of the like. At first Locus was super overwhelmed by it but has grown to love his dorks

Locus and Church have this dynamic of two cats sitting on opposite sides of the couch to each other. They care about each other so much but hardly interact or say a word. They have this habit of giving each other gifts by just placing it on the other's bed without a word or even a note.

Sarge and Grif used to hate each other but over time have gotten to the point where they literally cannot handle not having each other around. If they go more than a week without seeing one another they get stressed.

Carolina and Grif became QPPs after Iris when Carolina started trying to process her trauma and figure out how to relax. They have a weekly hangout with just the two of them where they get so high and play videogames together.

Donut has put in a lot of effort to learn Spanish for Lopez. He struggled with it at first, but has gotten much much better. When not with Locus, Lopez is usually with Donut because he's one of the only people who can actually understand him.

Doc and Lopez ended up trauma bonding after their experience with Omega.

Caboose, understandably, has clung to Wash as a replacement for Church. However, over the years he has learned to love and rely on Wash in a way that goes beyond treating him as a rebound for Church.

(NSFW) Sarge and Donut first got together almost immediately during Blood Gulch after Donut made some sort of sex joke and Sarge was like "bet" then suddenly it wasn't a joke. They don't keep it a secret and yet nobody seems to know they're dating.

Simmons and Grif were the most painful relationship for everyone in the polycule to witness because they denied and denied and denied their love for each other for years. It wasn't until well after everything with Temple went down when they FINALLY started dating.

(NSFW) Locus and Grif started off with Locus getting so irritated and frustrated with Grif that he just had to fuck him about it. For a while Grif kinda clung to Locus like a lost puppy until recovering from the isolation of being alone on Iris for a couple months.

Doc and Donut started off with being close friends but after living together in Valhalla they realized they saw each other as more than friends.

After Locus joins Red Team (After the end of Season 15 in this AU), him and Lopez end up bonding really fast. While Doc and Donut know some Spanish, it's not the same as speaking with someone who is fluent in it. It's also nice to have someone who is more serious to talk to after being surrounded by maniacs and idiots for so long. They are the calm at the center of the storm that is the rest of the polycule, watching it all go by together and silently holding hands.

Locus and Wash got together after Wash got shot. In this AU, he stayed with him in the hospital and helped support him through rehab. They ended up bonding over their shared traumas and experiences with war and soon realized they had a lot in common.

Church and Tucker actually started dating all the way back in Blood Gulch. It's been on again, off again, but that's mostly because Church has this bad habit of dying and being effectively reincarnated. They really don't go on a lot of dates/do romantic shit, but they are very much in love. Their idea of a good time is sitting in lawn chairs, drinking beer and bullshitting.

Caboose never dated Alpha. In fact, Alpha really only ever saw him as a friend, and not even a close one. Epsilon, however, loved Caboose so much.

Wash and Tucker have such a strange dynamic. They argue like an old married couple, almost as bad as Grif and Simmons do. And they compliment each other so well. Wash helps Tucker to stay motivated and Tucker helps Wash to calm tf down for once.

Kai and Carolina are the newest couple in the polycule. They ended up getting close due to Grif's manipulation of always coming up with excuses for them all to do things together. Their relationship at this point mainly consists of the two of them sharing each other's interests with each other. Kai has found out through Carolina that she thinks MMA is really cool and Carolina has learned that she actually really likes making kandi jewelry.

[nexility-sims]

𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄'𝐒 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 / ❛ boy crazy ❜ part 1 (@armoricaroyalty)

❝ The Lover's Gala was the Armorican Queer Front's biggest annual event and 2044 was the 25th Anniversary. The organization's communications team had spent months putting out stories about the gala and the celebrities and members of the royals family expected to attend, trying without much success to turn the event into a major cultural major. Overnight, Princess Zofia (and her new boyfriend) blew them all out of the water. It was only his second time in Armorica, and the first time they'd appeared in public together since the funeral. It was only natural that they landed on the front page of every newspaper in the country, the gala (and the work done by the AQF) a vague footnote after paragraphs upon paragraphs breathlessly speculating about the intimate details of the lovebirds' long-distance relationship. "

♥ shoutout to gabe for pitching this very fun idea, as well as for the title card, the contextual prose, and, of course, my beloved daughter miss zofia augusta st. fleur !!!!!!! she's my favorite barbie doll & has been for a long time :^) i guess i love and adore my son as well, but nonetheless. this is special in part because it's the first time i've written them speaking outside of a parody piece that will never see the light of day. anyway, enjoy this super premature dialogue-inclusive, full-color sneak peak of Them™

PART 2

TRANSCRIPT:

{Light music, overlapping conversations}

[Z] It’s gotten so long since December!

[R] Anything for you.

[Z] Anything at all? Promise?

[R] On my life.

[Z] So ... Can we leave then?

[R] Well, that’s actually your call—

[Z] Okay, let’s leave right now!

[R] We’ve been here for only a short while, Fia.

[R] Even less if you count the “restroom break.”

[Z] That was worth it, and no one even noticed.

{Knocking}

[Z] Occupied!

[Z] Anyway, Hannah’s still here. Even Pidge. Et cetera. We can go.

[R] They walked out ten minutes ago—Hannah with Hugo, Margaret following Arthur. All through a servant’s door. Very conspicuous.

[Z] Did they? Huh. So they did.

{Rui laughs}

[Z] Look, if we leave now, it’ll be perfect. It’s barely nine o’clock. We can go back to the city, change clothes, go dancing—!

{Imaginary club music thudding} [Z&R V.O.] Party all night—bet you don’t believe me, but we actually do have good clubs [Rui snickers] or, like, one I like a lot—then I get a cheeseburger—[no pickles]—right! Oh, remember that poor cashier in Nakawe? You sure told him. [“Plain” means plain.] My hero! Anyway, then you carry me and my sore feet to bed. Ideal night.

[Z] You can keep this on, actually. Maybe ditch the jacket.

[R] Undo another button or two?

[Z] Of course. [Soft sigh] You get me.

[Z] The rose is also a must.

[R] It’s for you—a keepsake.

[Z] Aw. Our first appearance and our first Valentine’s Day ...

[R] A sign, probably. Meant to be.

[Z] Romance novel worthy. I’d read it.

[R] The boxes are checked: excitement, fate, many graphic—

[Z] No! Erotic. {Repeats in Armorican} Memorize that one.

{Murmuring}

[R] Do you think I should’ve worn a tie this evening?

[Z] What?

[R] If we were home, obviously not. But, Armorica is ... People here seem to care a lot about unnecessary things. So, was that a misstep?

[Z] {Laughs}

[Z]  Pfft. Hugo didn’t even have his jacket on.

[R] {Scoff} I am not Hugo.

[R] I want to make a good impression—on your family, really. This visit is different. They’re all, for better or worse, paying attention to me.

[Z] Are you kidding? Mission accomplished. [Z] Trust me, they love you! Now, come on, let’s go already—!