#i believe in thicc levi supremacy

[levi-lover]

New Light Part: 3

College Levi x Reader(Modern AU)

W/C: 7.6k

T/W:  Mentions of alcohol, drugs, smoking and blood

A/N: This is a longer piece because I decided to put two chapters together! This series has been so much fun to write and everyone has been so kind to it, I really appreciate it! Also this song reminds me of Levi’s part :(

I’ve put all the parts in one list here: New Light Masterlist

(Pic from here)

Levi’s POV

After Levi saw Zeke place his jacket over you, he rolled his eyes and began walking home. The others followed him. Hange leaned into Moblit’s body and pointed to a house across the street, “I saw them feed a squirrel once.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Levi spouted.  

“Calm down, Mr. Grumps. I’m talking about the squirrel,” Hange managed to say. Moblit smiled at them. 

Levi shook his head and pushed his hands into his pockets. The air around him was numbing and frigid but the anger inside of him kept him warm. The thought of Zeke, of all people, holding you close to him made his blood boil. That fucking entitled asshole, Levi thought. Hearing that you had a boyfriend hurt but knowing it was Zeke Jaeger made it worse. Levi remembered the way he scoffed at Erwin and walked out of their dorm with his friends, the fucking nerve he had. He cursed every time he had to interact with that man. 

He stared at the sidewalk and listened to Erwin’s footsteps next to him. Erwin knew better than to say anything to Levi right now. Erwin had seen Levi when he was angry but this was different, the hate seemed to radiate off the small man. Moblit said goodbye to the two of them when they reached Hange’s apartment, he was used to taking care of them after nights out. Before Erwin and Levi left, Hange ran up to them and gave them both a hug and kiss on the cheek. “I love you losers,” they muttered. 

Erwin and Levi continued their walk home in silence, it wasn’t uncomfortable for them but it was obvious Erwin was worried about Levi.

“Just say it,” Levi said in an oddly calm voice when they entered their apartment.

Erwin sighed in relief, finally feeling free to speak. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, the fuck wouldn’t I be?” Levi responded.

“Levi, I respect your privacy but I-I thought you and (Y/N) were, you know, going to be a thing.”

Erwin was normally eloquent with his thoughts, hearing him stumble threw Levi off. He sat on the couch and stared at the dirty shot glasses on the coffee table and the empty whiskey bottle. 

“Tsk, that’s a dumbass thought,” Levi whispered. I still haven’t called my mom, he thought. 

“I guess maybe it is... I’m going to bed but if you need anything let me know,” Erwin murmured and paused,“I’m here for you Levi, you’ve always been there for me. Good night.” 

Erwin walked over to his room and Levi stayed in the living room. The only light in the room came from a small lamp on the side table next to the couch. Levi looked at the shadows the light cast on his hands and examined the small scars running up and down his fingers. He chuckled remembering how he got them. His Uncle Kenny, tried to each him knife skills because that was the only thing he thought he had to give Levi. He remembered the fear in his chest as Kenny played Chicken with him and jabbed the knife in between the gaps of his fingers, he was a child when they played those games but those were some of his favorite moments. 

Levi threw his head against the couch and sighed. Fuck, what would Kenny do?, Levi chuckled, he’d probably punch Zeke and kiss (Y/N) but I don’t want to be that guy. I don’t want to be like Kenny anymore. He repeated the final line to himself. Levi knew he wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight. While the alcohol in his body pulled his body to sleep, his thoughts wouldn’t let him rest. He turned off the lamp and sat on the couch for the rest of the night. The sunlight began to pour in through the windows until the entire room was enveloped in a bright yellow glow. This was Levi’s favorite part of the day. 

Somewhere in between the chirps of the morning birds, Levi drifted off to sleep, his body melted into the couch. Erwin walked to the living room in his pj’s and bedhead, he lazily rubbed his eyes and looked at Levi. The poor guy had a line of drool hanging from his open mouth. Erwin shook his head and put water in the kettle. He started to fix himself a cup of coffee and he made a cup of tea for Levi. When he was done, he walked over to Levi and gently tapped his leg with his foot. 

“Levi, wake up. I made you tea,” Erwin said gently.

Levi shot up and gave Erwin a scowl until he saw his cup of tea. He took the mug and took a sip.

“Thanks, it tastes like shit.” 

Erwin chuckled and sat down next to Levi. They were silent as they sipped on the drinks. Levi relaxed into the couch again and ran his fingers through his hair. Mmm, I need a haircut, he thought. 

“What’s on the agenda for today?” Erwin asked Levi.

“Do I look like your damn secretary?” Levi responded. 

“Fine, let me rephrase. What are you doing today?”

“Fuck if I know.” Levi said in a flat tone. 

“I’m going to the library to study. If you want to join me, you’re more than welcome too.”

“Erwin, we just finished midterms. What are you going to study?” Levi asked.

“I need to get ready to apply to internships, a few big applications are coming up.” Erwin explained.

Levi rolled his eyes. I should probably get started on those too.

As if he read his mind, Erwin asked, “have you begun any applications?”

“No.”

Erwin nodded his head, “I could help you if you want.”

“Thanks, I’ll let you know.”

Erwin looked at Levi surprised he didn’t respond with a snarky remark but Levi was too tired to bother. Last night had drained him more than he thought. The clouds were beginning to block the sunlight and the living room slowly darkened. Erwin got up and went back to his room, he got ready, said goodbye to Levi and left. The room had lost its glow from earlier but Levi didn’t bother to turn the lamp back on. Instead he grabbed his phone and gave his mom a call. Levi froze when he heard his mom’s voice 

“Levi! Hello!” Kuchel said in a soft voice. “Levi? Honey, are you there?” 

“Hey, I’m here.” Levi whispered.

“Good, it’s lovely to hear your voice. How’s school? How are Hange and Erwin?” She asked

“School is good. I’m done with midterms and I feel good about them. Erwin is good and Hange, well, they’re Hange.”

Kuchel laughed, “I’m glad to hear, Levi.” 

Levi paused for a few moments, he was nervous to say what has on his mind, “Mom, I won’t be able to come home for the break. I can’t afford it. I’m sorry.”

She sighed tenderly, “Sweetie, don’t worry about it. I understand. Will you be able to come for Christmas?”

“That’s the plan, I’m going to take on more hours at the restaurant,” he affirmed.

“Levi, I’m more than willing to he-”

“No. Mom, it’s fine. I don’t want you to worry about me.” Levi hated borrowing money from his mom. She’d spent the majority of her life in and out of the hospital and her insurance barely covered the bills. Levi remembered how hard she worked herself to provide for him and he avoided borrowing money if he could.

“Levi, you silly bird, I’m always going to worry about you but I understand. I know you could take care of yourself.”

He laughed, “yeah, we could thank Kenny for that.” 

Kuchel giggled, “that man is a wildcard.”

“Yeah. Hey, Mom, I need to get going now but I love you.” 

“Of course, Sweetie. Be safe and tell Erwin and Hange I said hi. I love you so much Levi. I’m so proud of everything you’re doing.”

Levi felt a lump in his throat, “thanks Mom, that means a lot. I love you. Goodbye.”

He hung up the phone. If only she knew how much I’ve fucked up. Levi shook his head and pushed those thoughts away. There was no time to think about that when he had a mess to clean up. He turned the lights on in the apartment, wrapped a white handkerchief around his head and began to blast music through a speaker. When everything felt wrong and out of control, Levi always turned to his cleaning supplies to give him clarity and today was the type of day for a deep clean of his space.

----

“You made it!” Hange exclaimed.

“I’m surprised you made it,” you jabbed referring to their drunken self last night who couldn’t even walk without Moblit’s help.

“Well, we were celebrating last night, right?”

“I guess so. Anyways,” you sat down across from them, “tell me more about Moblit.”

“Him? He’s just a friend I met in an art elective. I thought painting would be fun but it turns out there’s a skill that comes with it,” Hange shrugged, “I don’t have that skill but he does.”

“Is that so?”

Hange’s face began to redden, “yep but that’s not the most important thing right now. So you’re dating Zeke Jaeger, huh?”

“Ugh, can I at least drink some coffee before we talk about that?” 

The waiter took your order and the two of you made casual conversation until the food came to the table. The both of you thanked the waiter and began eating.

“So, are you ready to talk about Zeke?” Hange prodded. 

“Oh yeah. So I’ve been dating Zeke for a while and that’s it. I don’t understand what the big deal is,” you paused and mulled over everything you’ve heard, “other than there being an issue between Zeke and Levi. Erwin too, I guess.”

Hange kept their eyes on their food, you cleared your throat. 

“Yeah, I guess that would be confusing,” They muttered. 

“Yeah, Hange it is. Can you please tell me what happened?” You begged.

Hange sighed, placed their fork down and looked at you. “Okay, (Y/N). I-I’m not trying to be mean but let’s just say everyone had different side them...

After Erwin’s kickback, tension began to build between the two friend groups. Zeke would make a rude comment directed towards Erwin during floor meeting or Levi would intentionally hog up the washer and dryer if he knew Zeke needed to use them. Levi began to hate Zeke and his smug attitude and entitlement but what he hated the most was how he treated Erwin. 

Levi had always felt protective over his friends, at least the two that he had growing up. He had met Isabel and Farlan in elementary school and they were the first people he trusted. They would spend recess looking for frogs in the stream behind the school. The kids would tease Isabel until Levi punched one of their bratty faces, he got detention but it was worth it to defend his friends. They were inseparable until high school graduation. Levi had earned a full-ride scholarship to Wall Maria University but Isabel and Farlan didn’t receive any help and were unable to attend university. They were still back at home and Levi would visit them whenever he had the chance, or the money. 

When Levi arrived at college, he wasn’t planning on making friends but Erwin and Hange completely changed his mindset. Erwin’s serious yet caring nature and the duality of Hange’s joy and curiosity for life brought out something in him that felt safe and comfortable. So as Zeke’s vendetta against Erwin intensified, Levi took it personally. It was late one night when Zeke arrived at the dorms and he found Levi waiting from him in the floor lobby. Levi pushed Zeke against the wall and told him to back off or else Levi would make sure Zeke would regret ever stepping into his dorm room. For the first time, Zeke felt intimidated, no one had ever called him out, he brushed it off and walked to his room. However, the feeling of uneasiness stayed with him. 

A few months had passed by and Zeke backed up from the duo. When baseball try-out came around, Erwin and Zeke found themselves trying out for the same coveted spot of the pitcher. They both had years of experience but Erwin had a slight edge over him and Zeke was nervous, he felt like he had a reputation to uphold. During practice, Zeke tried to befriend Erwin to learn from him. Erwin was hesitant but eventually he decided to stay after practice to help Zeke with his throws. They began to develop a friendship over their love of baseball. Erwin didn’t tell Levi, he knew Levi had an issue with Zeke and didn’t want to upset him.

The night before the final cut was announced, Ewin was sitting at his desk and Levi was on his bed reading. Erwin’s phone buzzed, it was a text of Zeke asking him if he wanted to hang out before the final practice. Erwin said yes and began to put away his textbook.

“Where are you going?” Levi asked.

Erwin paused, lying to Levi didn’t feel right, “I’m going to hang out with Zeke.”

“Are you fucking with me?” Levi retorted.

“No, Levi. Zeke is actually a nice guy,” he paused again, “we’ve actually been practicing together. He’s different.” 

“This isn't fucking High School Musical, Erwin. People don’t change but whatever, have fun.” Levi rolled on to his side and turned away from Erwin.

“Do you want to come?” Erwin asked. 

Levi grunted in response. 

Erwin met up with Zeke and Porco and they walked over to Pieck’s place and drank themselves to oblivion. As the night dragged on, they wanted fresh air. They walked over to the baseball fields but the fence was locked. The group decided to climb over the fence but Erwin was unsure.

“Just do it, don’t be a pussy,” Zeke teased. 

The entire night Zeke had been pressuring Erwin to do more, he was trying to find his breaking point. Erwin sighed and climbed the fence after everyone else but when he reached the top the lace of his shoe got caught in between the metal, he lost his balance and fell straight into the hard ground. His right arm took the brunt of fall, Erwin cried out in pain. Pieck freaked out and called an ambulance. They took him to the hospital, the doctor said he broke his arm and would need to rest for the next few weeks. Erwin sighed, he knew he wasn’t going to make the cut for the team, his dream was crushed. Zeke looked at Erwin. He didn't want for this to happen but at least he was now guaranteed a spot on the team. 

The next day, Zeke brought Erwin back to the dorms before heading to the field. Erwin entered his room quietly, not wanting to startle Levi who was typing something on his laptop. Levi spoke without turning his body.

“Erwin, I’m sorry about last night - what happened to your arm?” he asked when he faced Erwin.

“Oh, it’s broken,” he responded quietly.

“Zeke had something to do with this,” Levi seethed.

“No, Levi, it was an accident-” Erwin asserted.

Before Erwin was able to finish, Levi was already halfway out the door. Levi’s vision became clouded as he walked down to the baseball fields. The sun was pounding down on the pavement, it bounced off the buildings and shined onto the ground with a dazzling brightness but Levi didn’t notice. His fist was clenched and his jaw was tight. I told that fucking monkey ass bitch to stay away. He reached the parking lot of the field and saw Zeke leaning against his car with a cigarette in his mouth. Zeke saw Levi walking towards him, his face was contorted into a scowl and Zeke felt scared, he’d never seen anyone look that angry before. 

“What the fuck did I tell you, Jaeger,” Levi barked. 

“Pst, it wasn’t my fault-,” Zeke responded but was cut off by Levi's fist in his face. The cigarette fell to the ground. 

Zeke towered over Levi but that didn’t stop the dark-haired boy. He continued to punch Zeke and grabbed him by the collar to bring him closer to his face. Levi could see the fear in Zeke’s eyes but he couldn’t stop himself. He threw Zeke on to the hot pavement and kicked his stomach, leaving Zeke breathless. Levi planted his knees on either side of Zeke and continued punching Zeke. Bright, red blood began to pour out of the cuts on Zeke’s face, it splattered on the sidewalk in angry droplets and it littered Levi’s gray shirt. Levi’s fist grew numb and dark, blue bruises began to bloom on his pale flesh. 

Something stirred inside of Levi and he regained control of his senses. He stood up and wiped his hands on his dark jeans. 

“Fuck you, Ackerman,” Zeke coughed. 

Levi grunted, turned and began walking aimlessly. He didn’t want to go home and see Erwin, he didn’t want to see anyone. He wanted to be alone. He walked to a park off campus and sat on a bench, letting his body and mind cool off before walking back home. 

“Or at least, that what Erwin and Levi said happened, “ Hange said in between bites of their pancakes.

You laid back into the chair and took in the information. You didn’t want to believe Levi had that in him, to be so primimal and aggressive but after seeing a glimpse of his dark side last night, you had second thoughts. 

Hange noticed your silence and spoke, “(Y/N), how are you feeling?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. Zeke told me to be careful around Levi but I…” your voice trailed off. “I wonder if Zeke got Erwin drunk on purpose…”

“I doubt it but I don’t know. I don’t really know the guy,” Hange responded quietly. 

“Yeah, I guess not.” 

Both of you didn’t say a word for a while, the noise of the diner filled your ears. Across from you, a baby was squirming in their high seat. 

“Please let me know if I’m overstepping my boundaries but how is your relationship with him?” Hange questioned.

“No, don’t worry, you’re not. But if I’m going to be honest, things have felt a little off now,” You mused, “actually, it’s been off for a while. I mean, I love him, I really do but I don’t think I’m - in love with him.”

“Mmm, I guess that makes sense,” Hange remarked.

“You guess? You’re the smartest person I know,” You joked.

Hange rolled their eyes, “I know about science not romance.”

“So is that why you’re not dating Moblit?

Hange blushed and looked down, “We’re not talking about that right now.” 

You crossed your arms and smiled at them. 

“Anyways, let’s talk about something else. Do you have any plans for Thanksgiving break?”

“No, I think I’m going to stay here and catch up on some reading or Netflix, more likely.”

“What? Aren’t you going home? You can’t be here alone,” Hange said.

“Home isn’t really a place I like to visit a lot,” You murmured.

“Oh, I see. I’m sorry,” Hange whispered, “do you wanna come home with me?”

“Thank you, Hange but I don’t want to encroach.”

“Psst, don’t worry. My parents wouldn’t mind, the more the merrier! Moblit always comes.” You raised an eyebrow. “And Levi, too.”

“Oh.”

“Come on! Don’t let Mr. Grumps stop from spending an entire weekend in the countryside with me, “ Hange exclaimed. 

You shook your head and laughed, “yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“So you’re coming?”

“Yes, Hange. I’ll go home with you.”

“Yay! I’ll send you all of the information later!” 

The rest of the meal was spent talking about nonsense but it felt like the most important topics in the world. Last night felt like a weird dream and you pushed it away from your mind. Still, in the back of your mind, the thought of Levi kept on bugging you. Who is he? You had Zeke’s interpretation, you had the version of him from freshman year and then you had the version of him who smiled sweetly at you at the cafe. Which one is the right one? Or is it possible they’re all him, just under different lights? You shrugged off those thoughts and paid full attention to Hange. 

After you both finished and paid, you walked out of the diner. The sun was starting to set. It’s been setting earlier and the nights have been getting longer, a sign that winter was coming.  Hange gave you a hug and wished you safe travels to Zeke’s, you thought you should spend his final night in the city with him. As you turned and made your way towards him, your phone began to buzz, it was Zeke. 

“Hey, what’s up?” You answered.

“Are you busy?” He asked, his voice was low. 

“Not really, I’m walking over to your place.”

“About that, I think it would be best if you went home.”

You stopped walking and held the phone closer to your face, “what? Why? What do you mean?

“Look, I’ve been thinking about last night and honestly, about the past few weeks and,” he hesitated, “I think it would be best if we took a break.” 

“A break?” 

“Yeah, I think it would be best if we took the next week to think about us and re-center ourselves.”

“Is that what you want?” You asked.

“I think it would be best. What do you think?”

You took a deep breath and looked at the sky, a purple haze was creeping in from the east. 

“I think you might be right.”

“(Y/N), I love you, I’ll talk to you soon.” Zeke said.

“I love you too. Goodbye.”

You hung up the phone and turned around. The air felt colder yet you felt lighter. You began your trek back home, you prepared yourself to face the emptiness of your studio apartment but that feeling was all too familiar. 

-----

The following Tuesday, you waited for Hange outside of your apartment building. The air was frigid and your breath hung around you. You tucked your arms into your armpits and shifted your weight from foot to foot. You looked down at your duffle bag, unsure if you packed the right clothes for the trip. They said you could borrow anything you need but that felt wrong. A green hatchback pulled up to the curb and Moblit stepped out of the car.

“Hey, (Y/N), let me grab your bag,” he offered.

You thanked him and stepped into the backseat, the car was warm and you rubbed your hands together. Moblit stepped back into the car.

Hange looked to you and exclaimed, “Yay! I’m so glad you’re coming! My mom makes the best Thanksgiving food and she’s so excited to meet you. Is everyone buckled in?”

“Tsk, of course we are. You drive like a maniac,” Levi responded curtly.

He looked at you and gave you a half-hearted smile. You returned it and looked out the window. Hange blasted their road trip playlist and they talked the entire way to their place. Moblit would occasionally say something but for the most part he was happy listening to Hange speak. Levi kept his head in a book and hardly said a word the entire drive.

You were content to simply lay back and watch the city slowly disappear. The tall buildings evaporated into suburbs and those transformed into vast verdant fields. Eventually, all signs of human life disappeared as you entered a luscious pine forest, you pressed your face to the cold glass to see the tips of the trees. You’ve never seen anything as beautiful as the trees kissing the deep blue sky. You were too entranced by the view to notice Levi was taking peeks at you from the corner of his eyes.

Hange pulled into a dirt driveway and drove further into the woods.

“Well, here is it! Casa Zoe!”

You looked through the front window and saw a small clearing where a white, two-story colonial house with dark green window panels resided. The front of the house was surrounded by lush green grass and at the edge of the clearing was an old playground. You rolled the windows down and inhaled the clean scent of the air. Somewhere nearby was a river you could hear the gentle movement of the water. You felt invigorated.

Hange parked in front of the garage and everyone got out. You stretched and relief flooded your cramped body.. Levi and Moblit began to gather everyone’s bags. The front door opened and you saw a woman’s face with Hange’s eyes run up and hug you.

“Oh, you must be Hange’s new friend!”

“Mom!” Hange yelled at her mortified.

You stood frozen, “uh, it’s okay.”

Her mom let you go. “I’m sorry about that, I love hugs. I’m Hange’s mom but you could call me Mama Z.”

Moblit walked to her and gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek.

“You’re looking so handsome, Moblit. And Levi, you’re gorgeous as ever.”

The tips of Levi’s ears heated up as he walked over and gave Hange’s mom a hug.

The four of you walked into the home. It was beautiful and homey, something you were completely unfamiliar with. A tall brunette was in the kitchen, dicing onions, he looked at everyone and smiled. You could tell where Hange got their toothy grin.

“Hello, welcome, I hope the drive wasn’t too bad,” he said in a booming voice. He wiped his hands on the apron he was wearing and went to shake your hand.

“Hi, I’m Hange’s dad,” he smiled at you.

You told him your name and returned the smile. Immediately you felt relaxed and welcomed into the Zoe household. The rest of the night was spent talking, laughing and eating home cooked dishes. Hange looked happier than ever and you had never seen Moblit talk as much as he did tonight. Occasionally, your eyes would meet Levi’s and he would give you a smile. You noticed that even his normal cold cadence had shifted, he looked peaceful. When bedtime rolled around, Levi and Moblit slept on different twin beds in the guest bedroom. You shared Hange’s childhood bed with them. As you sunk into the soft sheets, the silence from outside soothed you until you feel asleep. You hadn’t felt this calm in years.

The next day, you heard a bird tapping on the window. Your eyes fluttered open, for a moment you felt a twang of fear until you remembered where you were. You turned over and saw Hange sleeping. A smile formed on your face. You carefully got out of bed and walked downstairs in search of water. As you turned the corner to get into the kitchen, you ran face first into Levi.

“Fuck,” he whisper shouted as he held his forehead.

You grimaced in pain and looked at him. He had his jacket and boots on.

“Where are you going?” you whispered.

“Somewhere,” he murmured back.

You glared at him and he rolled his eyes.

“I’m going on a walk,” he paused, “do you want to come?”

“Sure, let me get ready.”

“Tsk, don’t take long.”

You got ready quickly and speed walk over to Levi, careful not to wake anyone.

When you stepped outside you were surprised by how beautiful the landscape was. There was a layer of fog floating above the grass. The weak morning light bounced off the spiderwebs on the ground. Everything looked tranquil, you looked up and saw a memory of the night time in the Western sky. The birds flew from tree to tree, singing to the morning.

“This way.”

You followed Levi to a trail hidden behind tall ferns, dead leaves were stuck to the ground, plastered in mud. You both walked in silence for a while, you were trying to remember as much of the moment as possible. You looked at Levi, who was in front of you, you watched the way his black hair swayed with his movements.

“Where are we going?” you asked.

Levi looked back at you and smiled, “you’ll see.”

He continued to walk for a few more minutes. You paid attention to the mushy feeling of the mud underneath your boots. The sunlight was slightly stronger and poured in through the gaps of the branches.

“There it is,” Levi stated.

“Uh, there what is?” you asked.

“My spot,” Levi pointed to a moss covered stone bench in between two pine trees.

He walked over to the bench and took out a small blue blanket from his pocket and placed it over the bench. Levi sat down and patted the seat next to him. You walked over to the bench and sat down. The bench overlooked a bend in the river. From there, you could see the reflection of the trees in the water. The water was high and it licked the roots of the trees, in some spots it completely enveloped the roots altogether. The air was bracing and you crossed your legs to preserve your warmth.

Levi didn’t speak, he had his hands in his pockets and kept his eyes on the river. There was so much you wanted to say, that you wanted to ask, but instead you remained silent.

“I’m sorry,” Levi said quietly enough that he didn’t break the serenity of the moment.

“Huh? About what?”

“About the night at the bar.”

“Oh, that’s okay.” Your voice hung in the air, twisted and small.

Levi glanced over to you, you were staring at the water. He felt his chest heat up, he wanted nothing more than to place his arm around you, to hold you close to him but he couldn’t. He cleared his throat, “So, uh, Zeke…”

“What about him?” you said defensively.

“He’s, uh, an interesting guy,” Levi stared at his knuckles.

You laughed under your breath, “yep, he sure is.” You looked up at Levi. “We don’t have to talk about him.”

Levi’s eyes widened. “(Y/N), I’m not trying to be mean, I swear. I know you two are dating and-”

“We’re on a break.” You cut him off.

“Oh,” he exhaled.

The sounds of the birds filled up the silence in between the both of you.

“So, why English?” you asked.

Levi sighed, he wasn’t fond of intimate conversations but you were different to him. He trusted you enough to share this part of life with you and he wanted to express that trust.

“I love stories. When I was a kid, I would sit and read for hours. I wasn’t too social.”

“Really, you don’t say,” you mumbled

He rolled his eyes and chuckled, “shut up, Idiot. Writing is my favorite form of art. It’s like Calvino said about reading, it’s a special moment between the writer and the reader. I feel connected to others when I write, when they read my work. For the longest time, writing and reading were the only form of family I had. My mother was in the hospital a lot and my uncle, well, he wasn’t the most parental person.”

Levi’s voice trailed off and he shifted in seat. You sensed his discomfort so you placed a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and you gave him a soft smile.

“I don’t blame you for putting up walls, I really don’t but I wish you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself, I wish you could see yourself the we, the way I see you.”

Levi remained silent, somewhere in the water, the ducks bobbed their heads in search of food, they left ripples in the water behind them. You sat and watched them. Levi’s silence didn’t bother you this time. In fact, it comforted you. The sound of his breathing mixed with yours, his essence radiating from his body. It was heaven in the moment just to be near him.  You wanted to remember it forever. You closed your eyes and breathed in the smell of the water and pine surrounding you.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

You looked at Levi, you traced the sharp outline of his profile with your eyes. His hair caressed his flushed check. You tucked your hands into your pockets and made a fist, trying to hold back the urge to kiss him. You wondered what it would be like to press your mouth to his lips, to run your tongue across his bottom lip. There was nothing else that mattered than the thought of his breath on your skin. You took a deep breath.

“What about you?” Levi’s voice broke your concentration.

You blinked and spoke, “mmm, oh, I joined the Humanities program because I thought it would be the best option. I’m not sure what I want to do but I know I want to do good.”

“I see. Do good,” Levi repeated. “Why did you come to Hange’s?”

You froze, surprised by his blunt question and unsure what to say.

“That sounded rude. I guess, I was curious why you didn’t go with your family?”

“Oh, um. I don’t really-” you took a breath, “get along with them. My mom died when I was a kid and my dad didn’t handle it very well. He became an angry drunk.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Nah, don’t be. It’s not that bad after a while,” You gave him a side smile. “What about your dad?

“I don’t know anything about him. Other than he was probably a short, grumpy guy.”

You broke out into a fit of laughter, “Levi, I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to laugh.”

He looked at you amused, he felt a sense of pride knowing he made you laugh this hard.

“Come on! Look at me, I’m not gonna get recruited by any basketball teams anytime soon.”

You continued to laugh.

“I’ll tell you a secret, sometimes Erwin has to grab things for me from the top self at the stores.”

You looked at him, tears in your eyes, “really?”

“Tsk, no way. I’m joking,” he said with a smile. “Come on, let’s go before everyone wakes up.”

You got up and Levi brushed the blanket and put it back in his pocket. The two of you walked side by side back to the house. The sun had almost completely risen and basked the forest in a golden haze. The sunlight bounced off of Levi’s hair and for the first time you could see it’s true colors and dimensions.

The following four days were as wholesome and warm as your first night at Hange’s. While you were there, Zeke hardly crossed your mind and you pushed Hange’s story out of your mind.  All of that felt like issues from another lifetime, the only thing that mattered was the white house in the woods. On Thanksgiving, everyone helped prepare the meal and in the evening everyone gathered around the dining table. Hange has right, their parents did made a wonderful feast but that wasn’t your favorite part of the night. You loved watching Levi interact with everyone else, the way he treated Hange like an annoying sibling, his respectful demeanor towards Moblit and the way he cared about Hange’s parents. Levi sat next to you during the meal and made conversation with you. As he drank more wine, his face flushed and he became looser, happier. He looked over at you constantly and smiled, he didn’t want to leave this table. Unknowingly to each other, you both had everything you’ve ever wanted in that moment.

On Saturday, Hange’s dad helped pack up the bags in the trunk of Hange’s car. Hange’s mom gave everyone a brown paper bag full of snacks for the ride.

“It was so nice to have you, (Y/N). Please, come back again! We would love to see you.” Hange’s mom said while she hugged you.

You hugged her back and responded, “thank you so much for your generosity, this has been such an amazing break.”

Everyone waved goodbye as Hange pulled out of the driveway. During the ride back, you didn’t stare out the window the entire time. Instead, you made conversation with Levi about the book he was reading. For a second, it felt like you both were back in the cafe like if the two of you were the final people in the universe. As the farmland turned back into the suburbs and the suburbs back into the city, you felt your stomach tighten and it showed on your face. You knew you had to see Zeke right away.

“Are you okay?” Levi questioned.

“Yeah, I’m fine just thinking about the mess back in my apartment,” You said nonchalantly. It wasn’t a complete lie.

Hange dropped you off where she picked you up, you looked around the street. It looked like nothing had changed. You thanked everyone for a lovely break and watched Hange drive away. You took out your phone to send Zeke a message but he had already sent you one.

Zeke: I’m back, are you busy?

You inhaled deeply before responding. Something had to change but you just needed the courage to go through with it.

After you got ready and put away your clothes, you began your trek to Zeke’s. It was dark by the time you reached the bus stop. The wind stung your face, still warm from the shower steam. You tightened the scarf around your neck and placed your hands in your pockets. When the bus pulled to the stop, you got on, paid for a ticket and walked to the back. The interior was dark except for the low red light on the ceiling of the bus. You stared out the window, as the city flew by, an emptiness planted itself in your stomach. You placed your hand on your stomach to feel if there was a physical hole, your hand curled up around the fabric of your jacket and you kept it there for the remaining ride. The warmth of your hand was comforting but the feeling didn’t want to leave.

When you got to your stop, you thanked the driver before getting out of the bus and stepped back into the bitter air. As you stood in front of Zeke’s apartment building, you thought about Hange’s house, Levi’s smile, going on a walk with him. Did any of it actually happen? You thought. You pressed the buzzer at the front of the building and Zeke let you in. The lobby was warm and it smelled like dryer sheets and it felt suffocating as you waited for the elevator. When you entered, you pushed the button and leaned your body against the back wall. The walls were made of mirrors and they bounced the harsh fluorescent lights of the elevator in a continuous loop. Your reflection joined the loop but you kept your eyes on the ground. When the bell dinged, you stepped out and walked down the hall to Zeke’s apartment and opened the door. He always left it unlocked for you.

The apartment smelt stale after its week-long isolation. Zeke had lit a soy candle to mask the smell but it was more than a scent, it was a feeling coursing throughout the space. Zeke got up from the couch when he heard the door open and threw open his arms. You walked into his grasp, wrapped your arms around his broad chest and you placed your head on his heart. He smelled like vanilla and spice. You stayed in this position for a while until Zeke cleared his throat. You removed your arms from his body but there was a small part of you that wanted to say in his arms. They were firm and secure, for the past years, his embrace had been your safe place yet you understood that everything was temporary.

Zeke smiled at you and gestured for you to sit down. You obliged.

“How was your break?” you asked him.

He sat down on the opposite side of the couch and spoke, “it was, uh, nice.”

“I’m glad. How was the internship trip?”

“The what- oh, that,” Zeke fumbled to find the right words, “it was, uh, a good experience.”

You nodded your head and furrowed your brows. Zeke wasn’t one to stutter, he always had an answer. You looked at the candle on the coffee table, the crackle of the flame filled the room. For a moment, you felt like you weren’t sitting on Zeke’s cold leather couch, it felt like you were back in Hange’s living room. You took a deep breath and when you exhaled you spoke, “I missed you, Zeke. I thought about us during the break.”

Zeke fumbled with a thread from his sweater, his cheeks were starting to redden. “I thought about us too. Wait, what did you do during the break?”

“I went to Hange’s place with a few friends,” you stated.

“Friends, huh. Was Ackerman there?” Zeke asked.

Your face heated up and you whispered, “yes.”

Zeke leaned against the arm of the couch and ran his fingers through his blonde beard, “I see.”

You looked at him and the loneliness in your stomach grew. Zeke looked deep in thought as he stared off into space. The tension in the room was palpable and you wanted to scream and run away. Zeke looked back to you, there was a distance in his eyes, you had noticed it before but always chose to ignore it.

He opened his mouth and spoke, “(Y/N), I love you, I really do but… there’s something I need to say.”

You glanced at him, your heart dropped at his hesitancy.

‘I’ve... been seeing someone else.”

Your mouth slightly opened and you continued to stare at him. As his words hung in the air you felt yourself fall into the pit in your stomach. Tears began to claw at the corners of your eyes, begging to be released. You didn’t know what to say.

Zeke continued, “you’ve been pulling away from me for the past few months. I didn’t know what to do, I felt so lonely. You stopped kissing me and sex was completely out of the question. When we did it, it never felt like you were there. I felt like I was having sex with a robot. I didn’t understand. Until that night at the bar.”

“The bar?” Your mouth trembled when you spoke.

He took a deep breath before speaking, “I didn’t want to see it but Porco brought it up. The way you looked at him. You never looked at me that way. After that night, I understood.”

You glared at Zeke and thought about what he said and the audacity he had. Something switched inside of you and you snapped at him, “understood what? Zeke, what the fuck. You cheated on me and you wanna justify it with something Porco said. Levi’s a friend, do I like talking to him, yes? But I never did anything with him.”

While you spoke, the tears began to trail down your face. You gritted your teeth and continued, “who is it?”

He stayed silent.

“Zeke, who the fuck did you cheat on me with?”

“A girl from my internship,” he muttered.

“Internship?” you mused, “where did you go last week? Tell me the truth, was it for your internship?”

“No.”

You nodded your head and wiped the tears from your face. You knew things had been off but you didn’t know they were this off.

“So you were with her?”

“I’m sorry,” Zeke choked out, he was trying to hold back tears.

Your gaze returned back to the candle, it flickered shadows around the living room and it casted a weak glow on to your hands. You peeked at Zeke, who was staring into space again. You could hardly pick up any details on his face, he looked like a shadow.

“I still love you,” Zeke murmured.

You paid attention to your breath and processed his words. You tasted the salt from your tears on your mouth and you bit your bottom lip. The anger was still coursing through your veins; it fought with the hollowness inside of you.

 “Zeke shut up, if you actually loved me you wouldn’t have slept with someone else,” you spat out, “I’m done here.”

“Please, (Y/N), is there anything I could to change your mind? To fix this? To fix us?” Zeke begged and tried to hold your hand.

You pulled your arm away and chuckled,  “there’s nothing to fix. Zeke, you ended this relationship when you slept with someone else.”

He didn’t say anything and you crossed your arms to keep yourself together. You wished you could be home, you wanted nothing more than to lay down and go to bed. These past few days were like a dream and wanted to go back to bed, you wanted to be anywhere but on this couch. You got up and faced Zeke. He looked up at you, the candle light highlighted his face and bounced off the stream of tears on his face. You gasped slightly, you’d never seen him cry before.

“Zeke, I’m leaving,” you stated.

He got up and took a step towards you. He towered over you and raised his arms and beckoned you into his embrace. You shook your head and pushed him away.

“I will always love you,” he said hopelessly,

“I have to go.”

You turned and began walking to the front door. You heard him slump back onto the couch but you didn’t look back. It would have hurt too much and the emptiness inside of you was painful enough.

Tag: @thefuckupoftoday @philthepegacorn​  @soft-levi-girl-blog​  @whalerus (let me know if you wanted to be added to the taglist!)