#i believe I'll survive

[casperghosty]

Thank you so much bestie,

I love you too ❤️

Hope is the last thing ever lost

"Hell of a ride", Fizz // Ted Lasso, 1x10 "The hope that kills you" // "Lonely Bones", dodie // The Sandman, 1x04 "A Hope in Hell" // "Bright Sadness", Sleeping At Last // Doctor Who, 10x10 "The Eaters of Light" // "Ready Now", dodie // Doctor Who, 5x10 "Vincent and The Doctor" // "August", Taylor Swift // reikcchan on tumblr // "Fare Well", Hozier // The Sandman, 1x06 "The Sound of Her Wings" // "Atlas: Five", Sleeping At Last // Supernatural, 10x01 "Black" // "August", Taylor Swift // garcavisconde on tumblr

For @casperghosty , happy birthday bestie!! i love you!!!

[little-pondhead]

Danny moved to Gotham.

Freakshow is touring in Gotham.

Freakshow knows Danny is in Gotham.

Danny knows Freakshow is still after him.

Danny's faith in heroes has been shattered.

Danny turns to the only person powerful enough to run Freakshow out of town, hopefully for good.

Danny turns to the Joker for help.

The Joker is looking for a new punching bag sidekick after Harley Quinn left him.

Danny is just the perfect person to be shaped by the Joker's hands.

Danny becomes the new Joker Junior.

[genericpuff]

lord give me the wisdom to not actually attempt watching all this

[smytherines]

Someone made a "what if they both fell" post the other day, and I can't stop thinking about it but also I don't want to swarm someone's post with my own unhinged ranting. So here's my little idk wish fulfillment fantasy--

Owen falls, and Curt catches him. But he isn't anchored to anything, and the force of the fall drags him along as well. They both fall onto the partially-closed safety barricade

Owen lands in a much worse position, he's bleeding and unconscious and has several severe injuries. Curt somehow lands a little bit better, he has a broken leg and a broken arm, but he's still conscious. He drags himself over to Owen, not sure if he's even still alive, desperately feeling for a pulse and trying to get a response out of him. Owen opens his eyes and reaches out for Curt, and they have a brief moment together. They're facing certain death, and with that knowledge of their impending doom they tell each other the things they always meant to say

Curt holds onto Owen as the lab explodes beneath them, and they both lose consciousness

Curt wakes up in a Russian cell, badly injured and unable to walk but alive. In some distant part of the building he can hear someone screaming in agony, and he knows in his heart that it's Owen. But naturally, their captors aren't going to allow the two spies who just blew up their weapons facility to have any contact with each other. They're too valuable as prisoners

Curt thrashes and threatens, and tries and tries and tries to get to Owen. But he can't. His injuries and the guards on his door won't allow it. But he knows Owen is in that building, somewhere, alive

Eventually, the US makes a trade-- Curt for a Russian spy they've been holding. Curt is heavily sedated because he keeps trying to escape and worsening his injuries. He wakes up in a military hospital, with Cynthia standing over him. He asks about Owen, and she changes the subject. But he keeps asking, keeps telling Cynthia that Owen is alive and they have to get him out of there. Eventually, Cynthia tells him-- in the kindest way she can manage-- that according to MI6 Owen died from his injuries

But Curt refuses to believe it. He knows that Owen is alive, and nobody can convince him otherwise. Cynthia tries to reason with him, tells him they aren't going to put any resources towards rescuing a corpse. So Curt quits. And he heals up enough to be able to walk. And then he sets out on his own mission to find his partner

Curt busts down the door of every Russian facility he can find, but there is no trace of Owen. Barb is trying to help him on the side, not because she believes him but because she cares enough about him to not let him take on a suicide mission on his own. She gently tries to convince him that Owen is gone

And Curt starts to think maybe he really is losing his mind. That maybe Owen died months ago, and he just can't accept it because he feels responsible for it. He convinces Barb to support him in one more mission, one more facility, and if he doesn't find a lead on Owen then he will come home

There's nothing. No sign of him.

Curt starts to break down, smashing up the random Russian office he's in, sobbing on the floor, confronted with the reality that maybe Owen really is dead. That this feeling he's been carrying in his gut ever since he was freed was wrong

And then, at his absolute lowest, when he finally has to accept that the man he loves is gone, he sees a piece of paper in that wrecked office with a familiar name on it-- Carvour, O

And another name he doesn't recognize-- Chimera

[lovelywingsart]

"It's still you, y'know,"

Because why would you ever want the world when you hold the whole universe in your hands?

-

Some sweet alien cuddles <3

//Played with Sarens prosthetic a bit (and more of his scarring from the ME1 shitfest) and figured out that I need to work with the design more since I looked at the game model and noticed the Reaper tech ACTUALLY goes along his side as well and not just his arm, and also small sketchy color to show the contrast because I wanted to (the thought of him having the black metal prosthetic while being the ghostly albino is very pleasing to me visually also for angst reasons shhhh)- also showing Cams etching on it because they got rid of the Cerberus logo and replaced it with N7 for him uwu

[fleshwerks]

EDIT I MADE A MISTAKE: For some mysterious, not at all my own fanfiction related reason, I confused Treviso's location for Seleny, which is a river city, while Treviso sits on the delta of a river near the coast. Still. It's one major trade city out of two major trade cities. It's just a trade city. However, this renders the 'save treviso to prevent blight from flowing downstream' point moot.... ooff. Sorry, Treviso, your ace in the hole just went.

EDIT 2 it doesn't even seem to sit on a river. New question:if Treviso has no plumbing, tell me, where does the wastewater go?!!?!? Say it. Say it with words. I'm laughing at myself though, Seleny has absolutely dominated my 'antivan lore' mind lol. But seriously, if Treviso doesn't even sit in a delta... what realpolitik reason in a world-ending threat is there to choose it over Minrathous. It's an isola, even though it sits on the continent. it affects no other cities around it. Boats will have to make a longer trip to Antiva City, but that's it. The blight doesn't spread through waterways, it gets no more washed out to the sea than it would in Minrathous.

I think it should. The problem with 'sustained war' is that you're never at 100%. Minrathous has been under siege for a very long time, it has never really had the time to build up to fight off dragons and gods and Venatori who know the city inside out. Treviso, on the other hand, yeah, has no standing military.

But in the end, like this person said, one of the cities is a capital city, a major hub of commerce, and the other's a riverside town, 2nd largest, sure, but strategically the loss of Treviso is both more inevitable because of its home country's fucked up governing and military system (DAV crows are all rah rah we rule treviso until an actual war comes to its doorstep), and it's just not as strategically important. The only real issue is that the river carries the Blight down its course, and infects other river settlements. That's really the only reason why, when you have two 'maybes', you should choose treviso. otherwise i'd always choose minrathous because it's not just strategically more important, but because you can be almost 99.8% certain of it getting saved, as opposed to reducing the survival of both cities to like 50%. because in the end you're still just rook and two arseholes with some sad, struggling local forces who are barely coordinating anything.

treviso is a victim of its own government, and the MASSIVE hubris and flaws of the Crows who see themselves as an armed force while being completely ineffectual when it comes to repelling actual assault.

minrathous was easy to take because it was 'taken' by its own citizens, with the aid of gods. and that means the entire tevinter is now vulnerable, whereas taking treviso doesn't render all of antiva vulnerable. antiva's seashore capital still stands.

moreover, antiva itself is kind of a loser country. it's half-devastated desert from previous blights, and its economy relies entirely on commerce. it's a nation sized hanseatic league. antiva is a facilitator, a middle man because antiva almost exclusively produces LUXURY GOODS. not (survival) food (only fine, fancy, expensive gourmet shit), not arms, not resource. luxury goods. antiva simply isn't important in a total war. it produces nothing that's conducive towards survival. it has the right to exist, and gods willing, it will be saved, but when gods come knocking and you have choices to make, then with a broken heart and a choice that weighs between 'bad and worse', antiva will be sacrificed. except again, it isn't, it's only one river city. i'd be more worried if antiva city was under siege.

[justaz]

pan merlin and gay arthur no one understands you like i do

[woubleyou]

Light of the Stars, Glow of the Moon; Distant Satellite

--- --- ---

Rated: G

Words: 4509

Content warnings: Dissociation, derealization

A fic running with the concept introduced at the end of Dorothy's operator record, that the transmitter inside her is receiving stimuli from the Galleria Stellaria.

Takes place after Dorothy's Vision and Lone Trail

Enjoy!

--- --- ---

A causeway of stars, smeared across the dark void like a splash of fresh milk. Glittering and glimmering, particles of light dazzling the eye with their intensity before fading, new bursts of light taking their place. The scope is staggering. Dorothy feels small and weightless, cold and hot. She feels hungry.

Dorothy’s expecting to only be working on administrative tasks today after getting her breakfast (or… maybe lunch?), but she likes wearing her lab coat. She puts it on over a blouse, cardigan, and sweatpants. Definitely good enough for a cafeteria.

Making her way out of her room, she feels kind of ill and has to lean against the doorframe for a moment, but the feeling passes. She slaps her face lightly and feels just barely awake enough to remember the path she’d been shown to the cafeteria.

Rhodes Island isn’t bad at all, she quite likes it actually. The interior decoration manages to mesh ‘high-security armoured landship’ with ‘chic living and working environments’ fairly well. She loves the angular design elements, splashes of paint against brutalist concrete, and various potted plants and hydroponics systems. The lights are bright. Sometimes in places where open spaces are stacked in the layout there are big bay windows where you can look up or down and feel like you could almost fall into it.

She wrenches herself away from the windowed seating area and continues on. She waves at a couple people she’s pretty sure she’s been introduced to already.

That feeling of uncertainty nags at her enough for her to make a pitstop at one of the washrooms, splashing cold water at her face and pressing her palms into her eyes.

She’s fine! She’s literally fine, she’s both awake and alert this time, for real. She stomps her foot on the ground and tilts her head, eyeing her reflection in the mirror. She’s fine. One task at a time. She puts back on her famously charming and gentle smile, and heads out the door to continue on her way.

Much better. The day is still young and there is much to do! She’s still the Director of Originium Arts after all, no matter what post her work shall lead her to. Perhaps she should look up what other Rhine personnel were onboard with Rhodes at the moment, pay them a visit. Maybe she could conjure up some harmless yet fascinating arts device to give as a gift to Olivia’s daughter.

Would a… bouquet of funerary condolence flowers be appropriate for Saria and Muelsyse? Those poor lone planets, losing a constituent part of their impossible three body problem, flung out into the dark… Much to consider, yes.

Oh, the cafeteria! Excellent. Something smells good already…!

Dorothy grabs a tray and gets in line. Not too busy at the moment, just a short wait until she can ask for what she pleases off the menu.

She runs her eyes over the chalk-written menu, and then the various metal basins and trays. Much to consider…

Green bean casserole… mappo tofu… pierogi… Maybe she really had missed breakfast time. Well, there’s always the cereal bar. Her stomach is feeling a bit loopy, so perhaps lighter fare would do well for her. There’s a thin looking soup behind the glass as well though, that might be suitable. She absently feels her fingernails click against the glass as she presses her fingertips to the surface. It’s cold, but it’s hot underneath. She can see liquid being stirred and poured and it’s fascinating in a numb sort of way. She feels very far from her body and yet too close at the same time. Too close, too much detail to take in, fuzzy and numb. A chill wind and ultraviolet radiation. She thinks someone is talking to her.

She blinks. ��Wha— Pardon me?” 

The forte behind the counter is creasing his brow slightly. “Apologies, you seemed to be spacing out. Are you alright?”

“Oh, yes! Absolutely, don’t you worry.” She smiles.

His smile in return communicates that he doesn’t really believe her but his brow lightens. “Very well, I’m glad to hear it. Can I get you anything?” He nods his head in the direction of the nearest copy of the menu.

“Oh, ummm. I believe I’ll help myself at the cereal bar, but thank you for the offer.” She gives a shallow curtsy and steps over to the other counter.

Drat. That almost certainly wasn’t the optimal way to say that. Was probably holding up the line too. Maybe she needs to go back to bed.

No no no! Cut it out! She’s. Literally. Doing fine.

She congratulates herself on selecting and pouring a cereal no problem, picks up a little clementine to go with it, and is standing in front of the milk selection. She picks up the almond milk. It’s good to try different things sometimes! She usually goes for soy.

“—Haha yeppers, okay see ya!”

Oh okay, well there’s an alarmingly familiar voice. She wanted to speak to the other Rhine members but not at this exact moment, preferably.

She stays still in the off-chance that she’ll camouflage into the environment and be passed by. It’s a pharmaceutical company, surely lab coats are a common sight for the staff.

She can see Muelsyse in her peripheral vision with her hands tucked in her pockets and whistling as she passes behind her. Dorothy’s ear twitches. Muelsyse tilts her head and then wheels around on her heel, eyes wide.

“Whuh— Doroth— Director Franks!! What are you doing here!?”

Dorothy smiles serenely, “Yes, that’s me. You can call me Dorothy, Muelsyse.” She hopes that she can make this a quick exchange, lovingly encourage her to run along. She likes Muelsyse, she’s sweet, and has a good heart. They should really talk more, but right now she would really like to eat alone and be on with her day.

“And to answer your question, I’m staying here for the time being.” Beams at her, eyes crinkling.

“Oh! Neato! Um. Are you cradling a carton of almond milk?”

Dorothy sighs almost imperceptibly and lets her smile falter. She lifts the object that she had subconsciously tucked close to her as if to look at it for the first time. “Yes, it would appear that I am. Thank you Muelsyse, I’ll pour it and then go eat.”

“Sounds great!” Muelsyse bounces on the balls of her feet, “do you mind if I come with you?”

Dorothy stares at the milk a little longer. “No, I shouldn’t expect to mind at all. Let’s go,” and she pours her milk.

The two of them settle down at a quiet and unoccupied table off to the side, Dorothy tucking her tail over and around her leg as she sits.

“How have you been doing, Muelsyse? Up to anything fun?” Dorothy starts eating her cereal while she listens to the answer.

“Oh, absolutely fabulously! And very much so, yes yes! I haven’t really been here that long either but they’ve already let me set up some experiments to run in the gardens, I’m expecting it to be very interesting.” Muelsyse is resting her chin on her hand while talking and seems to be kicking her feet under the table.

“Hmm, that sounds lovely, you’ll have to give me a tour of the gardens at a later date.”

“Of course!! You betcha, any time you want miss Dorothy Franks!”

“Mhmm.” Dorothy starts the process of listlessly peeling her orange with a medium amount of coordination.

“Oh, I’ve got that for you!” Muelsyse snatches the orange before proceeding to attempt peeling it with an also medium amount of coordination and a stalwart expression. “So,” her tongue is protruding from her mouth in concentration between utterances, “what’s the full reason you’re here at Rhodes?” She places the enthusiastically peeled orange in Dorothy’s hand.

“House arrest, I believe”

“Hou—, House Arrest? But this isn’t your house!!!”

“It can be, for the time being,” Dorothy smiles wryly. “I like the idea of a house that moves around.”

“Who’s… arresting you?”

“The Columbian government, Maylander I guess… Or Dr Olivia Silence if you’d prefer. She’s meant to be keeping an eye on me, theoretically.”

“What the hell? Just because of that stuff at Site Something-Or-Other? You’d think they’d care more about that hole in the sky…” Muelsyse trails off pouting and chuffing.

Dorothy chuckles warmly, glad for the first time to have gotten roped into sitting with Muelsyse. She’s trying to cheer her up.

Dorothy extends a segment of orange to Muelsyse, who breaks her comical expression to crack a smile and accept it. She puts it between her teeth and starts sucking the juice out of it noisily.

Should Dorothy mention anything more about that hole in the sky? She hasn’t acknowledged… any other part of it yet.

She just ends up watching her eat her piece of orange weirdly. Her cereal bowl was still mostly full.

Muelsyse chomps down on the husk of the orange to pull it into her mouth like a scalebeast. “Aah, I’m going to give Olivia a piece of my mind next time I see her, no matter what say she had in it.”

“Please don’t, she’s been very kind to me. I… appreciate her perspective.”

“Okay, okay, you got it. You should finish your cereal, before it gets soggy.”

“I’ll do that.”

Dorothy doesn’t feel like she has the words enough at the moment to put together a meaningful sentence for Muelsyse, nothing that would feel right. Maybe she will drop off a bouquet at her dorm or when she sees her for the garden tour.

She supposes that’ll have to do for now.

————

Dorothy sighs, a weary sound emanating from down near where her forehead is pressed against the surface of her desk. Her work has been progressing, just slowly. She oscillates between bouts of perfect clear-headedness, and feeling the stars rush through. She even has her own small office that Rhodes has provided her for the time being, perhaps as compensation for the inconvenience. It’s nice, she can hang things on the walls and play her own music. Old-fashioned Columbian jazz fills the space.

A knock comes from the door. “Come in!” Dorothy shouts as she abruptly rises to her feet.

The door clicks open and Elena steps through, holding a mug of coffee, and a plate with some cookies on it.

“Ah, Elena! Good to see you, good to see you!”

“Hehe, you as well Dorothy, it’s been a few days! I brought these for you,” Elena lifts the items she’s holding and steps over to set them on the desk away from the computer. “Have things been continuing well with settling in?”

“Thank you Elena dear, and yes, very much so. Nothing to worry about.” She smiles

Elena lifts an eyebrow at her. “Are you sure? Muelsyse mentioned that you seemed a little bit… off.”

Dorothy hums and takes a sip from her coffee. “Hmm, nothing more than the consequences of my own actions, if that’s what she’s talking about.”

Elena adopts a look of consternation and leans forwards. “You mean… the transmitter?”

Dorothy grimaces lightly and says, “Yes, it would seem so.” She sets the cup down. “No worse than oripathy certainly, much more manageable. I’ll grow used to it soon enough.”

Elena seems unconvinced. “What’s it… doing? Is there anything the doctors can do to stop it?”

“I’ve had extensive testing done with collaboration from Dr Silence and Dr Kal’tsit both. I’m afraid it’s not quite ‘doing’ anything, simply made a place for itself wrapped around my nervous system, as expected.” Smiles some more.

“Umm, okay, yeah. It’s a bit weird when you say it like that, but sure. What’s the problem then?”

“What problem? It’s functioning exactly as intended.”

“Ugh,” Elena groans. “Dorothy,” she adds, in only a slightly whiny voice, “what was Muelsyse talking about?”

That gets a good laugh out of Dorothy, lifting her hand to her mouth in mirth. “Sorry, Elena dear, sorry, I won’t tease you any further.”

Dorothy moves to clear some books off a spare stool and brings it over to the desk so they can both sit.

“It’s the Galleria Stellaria. The guidance system relied on transmitter to communicate with Terra. I can feel it.” Elena’s eyes widen in response. “It should be fine, I just need to get the hang of turning it off.”

“Dorothy…” Elena breathes, “that’s… what…? What’s it like?”

“Oh,” Dorothy chuckles, “it’s like… it’s very bright, and distant. I feel so… far away. There’s a lot of temperatures as well. It’s hard to tell… sometimes it’s hard to tell if I’m dreaming or not.”

“Oh Dorothy… Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Elena looks slightly heartbroken, or maybe just concerned.

“I’m sorry, Elena, you… had enough going on, no? All of us do. I don’t want to worry you.”

Elena smacks her on the shoulder with all the strength of a baby fluffbeast. “Stupid,” she mutters under her breath. “How are you feeling right now?”

Dorothy laughs and tilts her head, “Fine, just fine Elena, thank you. Let’s enjoy these cookies together. Tell me about what you’ve been up to.”

The two of them have a nice chat, well over an hour of work-time spent well-wasted. For the most part, the specks of light fading in and out of Dorothy’s vision behind Elena stay away. Outside, the setting sun casts a warm wash over the landship, Trimounts fading further away into the backdrop.

On her way out, Elena hears Dorothy call from behind her., “And don’t bring me coffee anymore, you’re not an assistant.” She smiles.

————

Bundled up in a warm winter jacket, with thick pants, mittens, and a scarf pulled up over her face, Dorothy lays on her back on one of the benches on Rhodes Island’s deck. Her misting breath spills out around her scarf and floats into the star-filled sky.

The rumble of engines, the feeling of slow but persistent motion, lulling one like the rock of a cradle. A field of vision filled with points of light, distant.

Dorothy feels clearheaded, like collimating a telescope, her mirrors are aligned in this moment. Unfortunately, her life demands more than gazing at the stars, she has things she wants to do.

Like turning a lens on and off, on and off.

If such a thing were possible, she’ll figure it out.

Despite the chill on her exterior, she feels a warmth inside.

————

Dorothy is reclined on one of the couches in one of the recreation rooms, a science magazine gripped loosely in her hands that she was ostensibly reading, and a few of the younger residents of the landship nearby playing a game who she was ostensibly supposed to be minding. The caretaking staff had had to leave the room and hastily put the task on her, as the adult around who looked put-together and responsible, apparently not noticing how not-up-to-the-task she was.

The sound of the kids talking was far away, and her consciousness felt like it was swimming hazily above or behind her body. The stars are uncountable.

Her eyes are pointed more up towards the ceiling than the magazine she’s holding, so it catches on her attention just enough when a brown shape enters her field of vision. Brown, and fluffy looking…

The shape leans down and puts a hand on Dorothy’s forehead, as if checking her temperature out of habit.

Dorothy raises an arm in defence, but the hand is withdrawing, and the person letting out a weary sigh.

“Good afternoon, doctor.”

“ ‘Afternoon, Dorothy.” Olivia sits down on the couch next to her. “Hm, Scientific Columbian, is that issue good?”

Dorothy shrugs with a small motion, “I’m babysitting, I think.”

“I can see that.” Olivia surveys the room passively. Dorothy can barely make out her face looking away and above her, then back down. The lights are too bright. “I’ll keep an eye on them for you.”

“… Thank you, Olivia.”

The clock on the wall ticks away, and the kids’ chatter feels like music heard through a wall.

Dorothy tries to look up and to her side at Olivia. “Wait, what… are you doing here…?”

Olivia huffs a little, and says “I took a transport over for a quick visit, it’ll be my last chance to see Ifrit for a little while. I trust Rhodes to take care of her, and… Saria, but I wanted to visit her while I can.” A pause, “If you mean what am I doing in this room, I’m checking on you. Heard you were in here.”

“Indeed I am, you’ve found me,” Dorothy laughs limply.

“Hmm, have you been using the grounding exercises we talked about?”

“Sometimes… When I remember.” Dorothy feels a little frustrated, distantly. She would do them more if she could remember, and she would remember more if she was grounded.

Olivia starts walking her through some basic ones again, but Dorothy’s eyes keep being drawn to a point on one of the walls, as if seeing through it to something on the other side. Just over there… Twinkling, dancing…

She feels something soft being placed in her lap.

“… Here, my wing. Try running your fingers through it, feel the texture.”

“Oh…” Dorothy breathes. Her hands shake lightly as she brings her hands over the wing, lowering her fingertips to the array of feathers, before slowly sinking them in.

They’re soft…

“… Thank you, Olivia, very much.”

She runs her fingers back and forth through the feathers

“Mhm, it’s… no problem at all. Now, listen to my voice, we’re going to name some things we can see in this room…”

Dorothy doubts if it will help, but she’ll try her best, for Olivia’s sake at least.

————

It’s been about a week since Dorothy first met with Muelsyse in the cafeteria. Probably an appropriate time to ask about meeting up again. (Dorothy has definitely spent more time in the lab than on arranging social visits.)

—

DoOA D. Franks: Good day Muelsyse! ♪

DoECO Mumu: Dorothy!!! ٩(◕▽◕)۶*:･ﾟ✧

DoOA D. Franks: Is today a good day for a visit? I have some time, but if that doesn’t work for you I’ll see what I can arrange over the next week.

DoECO Mumu: nono, swang on by anytime! id love to have you up here! Not like its my place, but its always open for visitors im pretty sure

DoOA D. Franks: Excellent! How about 1:00pm, does that work for you?

DoECO Mumu: yeppers! see u then bbgrl!!

—

Dorothy closes out of her tablet and leans back, stretching her arms and popping her shoulders. Maybe she should set about acquiring a nice little bouquet before the visit. Nothing too fancy, just to show she cares, right? … Now that she thinks about it, the flowers would be coming from one of the greenhouses on the ship most likely, but maybe they’re available at one of the shops. She’ll ask around.

Dorothy makes a mental list of things to do: the last bits of work she wants to wrap up for this session, go talk to some people to find out about flowers, have lunch (regular lunch at regular lunch-time), acquire flowers, then head to the gardens. Excellent.

————

The clicks from Dorothy’s boots echo in the hall as she makes her way to the gardens, bouquet tucked in against her arm. She’s back in her ‘Stylish-Researcher’ garb, and hopes to make a good impression. She hopes that the bouquet she picked out is appropriate as well. She doesn’t know anything about flower language. Shoot, what if Muelsyse does and she picked something wildly inappropriate? It’s a bit late to fret about that, so it’ll have to do…

She steps through the set of sliding doors and is hit with a wash of air a good bit warmer than the cool hallways she’s left behind. The December days are cold, but the glass ceilings above and walls along the side do a good job of trapping heat.

Dorothy casts her gaze around, and sees Muelsyse arranging some stuff on a broad stone bench, surrounded by some ferns and a tall tropical-looking tree with fruit. As soon as Muelsyse sees her too she gives a big exuberant wave with her whole arm and beckons her over excitedly. Dorothy smiles back as she trots over.

“Dorothyyy!!! Hellooo!!! Oh! What’s that you got there?” “Hi! Ah, well, it’s just a little bouquet that I got for you…” —Geez maybe she should have thought this through more— “…to express my condolences.”

Muelsyse’s eyes blow wide and her eyebrows shoot up. “Your— WHAT?!” She takes a step back, then a step forward, and her face kind of crumples. “What the hell, what the fuck dude,” she’s muttering almost to herself as she steps into Dorothy’s space and rests her forehead on her shoulder. She sets a hand on the paper wrapping the flowers, as if to accept it. Dorothy hesitantly rests one of her own hands on Muelsyse’s back.

“Oh, um. I’m sorry Muelsyse, if that wasn’t the right thing to do… Maybe I should have just said something.”

Muelsyse sniffles wetly. “No, no. It’s nice, thank you.” Dorothy rubs her back a little bit. “I mean— I didn’t really think you would say anything, we don’t know each other super duper well… But thank you, it means a lot.”

“Of course, Muelsyse. It’s the least I could do, I think. I’m really sorry about what happened. I understand her dream, and I’m happy she achieved it, but… I’m sorry.”

Muelsyse is definitely wiping her face on Dorothy’s shoulder, but… she’ll allow it.

“ ‘sokay. Me ’n’ Saria have been talking about it. It’s… I’m happy for her too.”

“Mhmm”

“All of Terra will remember her name, that’s for sure.”

“Yeah, that’s right. And we’ll all keep striving for our own dreams in turn.”

Muelsyse raises her other hand to wrap around Dorothy’s back, completing the loose hug/huddle with a bouquet of flowers tucked between them. Over her shoulder, Dorothy can see the little picnic of tea and some sweets that Muelsyse had set out for them. She hums a sweet low note in appreciation, setting her cheek on Muelsyse’s head. Such a sweetheart…

———

After their little dessert picnic, Muelsyse makes good on her promise to give Dorothy a tour. They stroll through the ornamental gardens, marvelling at all the interesting colours and shapes of flowers, growth forms of leaves, bark, and spines.

Then Muelsyse shows off what she’s working on, actually in some smaller adjoining rooms where the temperature and humidity can be adjusted to simulate more extreme conditions for plants. There’s even a bank of high-security cases along one wall where the air inside is filled with originium dust.

They end their tour through the food-gardens and hydroponics. Muelsyse snatches a strawberry of a plant and smoothly passes it to Dorothy with a finger raised to her lips mischievously.

Dorothy thoroughly enjoys the tour, but throughout it is struggling more and more with feeling awake.

She does her best to feel the weight of body resting on her feet, to look around and take in the specific sights and smells, run her hand lightly over plants that they pass.

She can see the colourful and exciting plant-life around her, can almost feel it even, buzzing. Her head and extremities feel numb and deadened, heavy, but she feel as if in her heart there’s that same buzzing present, too.

They end their tour at a different bench, shrouded by azaleas. Muelsyse takes a good look at her.

“Hey, are you okay? You seem a little…”

Dorothy groans internally and does a little waving motion with her hands, “Quite fine, really… just a little out of it, to be honest.”

Muelsyse tsks under her breath and looks her over, as if looking for a stray hair to tuck back or a bit of dirt to brush away that would make things better. “I noticed before, last time… You didn’t use to dissociate like this did you? Like I said, I don’t know you the best, but I would think it was obvious…” She gives up on or thinks better of her apparent attempt at personal grooming and settles for taking a beaded fidget toy out of her pocket and placing it in Dorothy’s hand. “…It’s the transmitter, right? I heard what you did, and the only other large concentration still existing is in the network used for the guidance on the Galleria Stellaria…”

Dorothy smiles ruefully and gratefully accepts the toy as Muelsyse takes a seat at her side, spinning the textured beads. “Look how clever you are… Right on the money with that one,” she gives a tired laugh.

Muelsyse smirks playfully and does a little fist-pump. “Gotta put my analytical brain to use somehow huh?”

“Ahaha, of course, absolutely.” Her laugh manages to be bright, even with the way she’s feeling. “I must admit it does feel a bit peculiar, in new and different ways sometimes, but I have to say I do prefer feeling peculiar alongside a friend.”

Muelsyse leans her weight into her from the side and crows, “I’m literally always saying this!”

————

In a few months, Dorothy has the hang of it, more or less. It turns out, practice can be effective. Not a miracle cure, but when the stars are dropping down to grab her attention, she can answer by seating herself firmly in her body and grounding herself in her surroundings. She can say hello to the cosmos, give it a wave, but remember where she herself is and what’s around her.

Her colleagues and friends from Rhine are entirely understanding, and do their best to be helpful. She loves them for that, truly. She’s even started making new acquaintances at Rhodes. There are so many interesting people onboard!

And when there’s a rash of bad days, sometimes she spends part of a night on the deck, stargazing and taking some time for her lenses to be aligned, so to say. It’s nice. If one were to look carefully, they could see the hole in the Starpod, and where the cavas of stars has that misaligned edge, the refraction through a surface and the true view beyond.

It’s one of these nights, long after the Horizon Arc incident, that she finally puts it together.

She can see it, she feels like she can see it, through the hole punched in the sky, past the cosmic dust. One speck of light tracking slowly across the sky. It could be anything, but her eyes are drawn to it with a certainty rarely felt.

She can see the star-filled field, glorious and full, a magnificent view from front row-seats. She can feel the cold all around, except for the sun-facing side, and a peculiar warmth within, buzzing and alive.

She has to tell Saria and Muelsyse as fast as she can.

[peppermoons]

Nobuhiko Okamoto really out there promoting his BL manga that is basically a bkdk au and you people here are just... NOT TALKING ABOUT IT?????

[tohruies]

you and him yesterday? you and him todayy? you and him every day??

[something-familiar-lost]

i've kinda been having some health issues that like. to be completely honest. make me feel miserable sometimes. and like i'm sure i'll be fine eventually, maybe some of it is just nothing. but as i said it makes me so unhappy and worsens my mental state and it's worse cause i don't like doctors or hospitals that much but I think eventually I'll have to gather my courage and make an appointment to like find out what the hell is wrong with me. but first i need to take care of this other health issue that's also making me miserable but I do know what it is, the treatment just costs so much money. why did my body pick this year to fall apart.

[somewhereinchaos]

unfortunately for everyone i have created pain...

[i-eat-deodorant]

starting an actual job soon and between the paperwork and stress i've had little to no time to actually do fandom stuff waoops sorry to all those whose asks i haven't answered

maybe i'll come back when things have settled down irl

[bueris]

I need to lock in..... tremendously.....

[dandeliondelivery]

hrt is the most effective anti-depressant i've ever taken and man i've tried a LOT of them

[immortalsins]

why is it impossible to do any work despite the certainty that everything will go to shit if i don't