#i began writing this six months ago haha i needed to release it from the purgatory that is my drafts folder

[vamphorica]

Because I hate being happy for more than two hours at a time, I've been considering to what extent Matt knew that Takada's kidnapping was a suicide mission.

I've been looking at this screenshot while I've been using it as a reference for a drawing and given that the poor boy is only designated sixty-nine seconds of screentime in the anime, I think it is interesting that there's a substantial pause on this specific frame. Matt is surrounded by Takada's bodyguards, unable to get out of the predicament he has found himself in. At this point, he believes there are two possible outcomes: he will either be arrested, or shot dead. You could interpret his expression here as apathetic, as that is how he tends to be characterised, but he sits in his car and looks out towards the row of headlights for about seven seconds. He considers his situation, acknowledging the number of men pointing their guns at him, and then he leaves his car.

The question is, did it occur to him then, or had he known beforehand, that his death was inevitable? Remember – Matt is one of a few characters in Death Note to be killed 'traditionally'. Should we take the Shinigami Eyes into consideration here, we have to assume that Matt is fated to die at this exact moment in time, regardless of circumstance. There is nothing that would have saved him from his demise that day.

However, I do wonder if, at nineteen years old, he is truly apathetic about his own life. I genuinely believe Mello sees his own death as an inevitable sacrifice, but I am not so convinced that Matt actually cares enough about defeating Kira to lay his life down for the cause alone. The manga suggests he leaves his car almost immediately upon being caught, and his final words, sadly, suggest a lack of foresight about the gravity of danger he is in.

Kira's world is not one in which justice prevails as Light envisioned, but rather it is an autocratic reign of terror. There is absolutely no chance in which Matt would be detained in a society in which death is considered the appropriate solution to crime. He is a Wammy's boy, but even if he had not have been associated with the House, Matt would have still been aware that his risk of death is heightened exponentially through his association with Mello alone.

In the anime, when Matt looks out the window of his car, we hear his inner monologue. Nonchalant, there is no fear to be heard in Drew Nelson's performance of the lines, and Matt's awareness of his impending death is presented as being limited. Is it an act? Or is Matt portrayed as lacking self awareness to such an extreme extent? Perhaps to 'justify' Matt's position as the third successor to L, Ohba felt the need to present Matt as ignoring the inevitable, but at least to me, this feels like it greatly undermines his intelligence. He may not be competing against Mello and Near, but that does not negate the fact he was still raised in the same institution that they were. All the children are freakishly smart, that is the whole point.

Did Mello propose the plan to kidnap Takada to Matt with the acknowledgement that they were both likely to be killed? Mello's final thoughts in the manga and anime are asking Matt for forgiveness, his death apparently unanticipated by the former, which feels like a failure in writing the deaths of these two in a manner that reflected who they were.

Matt is, by all accounts, a fandom project rather than a fully developed character within the Death Note canonical universe, but we are aware that Matt was created for Mello. I hardly expect Death Note to explore the intricacies of such themes in the series (particularly given, as much as I hate to admit it, Mello and Matt are not the main characters within the franchise). However, even with the rather minimal source material provided to us by both manga and anime, we are made aware that the two have a very unique relationship. They know each other intimately, and Matt does not fear Mello as many of the other characters in the series do.

Mello does not want Matt to die. He values Matt and while one could attribute the gratitude for him to the popular fan narrative that Matt is the one to look after Mello after the explosion, or indeed the idea that the two are in a relationship, their interactions with one another already set up their alliance as one that appears to transcend the regular boundaries of friendship. Again, I'm pulling a lot from fanon here, I know. Take it up with Ohba.

Narratively, if Mello has to die, so too does Matt. Ohba could not foresee this character that is so dependent on another to live beyond him. Yet I simply refuse to believe that Mello would have placed someone so important to him in a compromising position where the likelihood that he will be killed is almost certain. As much as I believe that Mello's final thoughts being directly addressed to the deceased Matt demonstrates an important ode to their relationship, I cannot understand how Mello would have been shocked to hear of Matt's death, given the risk.

We know Mello was fully aware that he was going to die that night. If he did not die, Near would have, and I think to Mello that would have been the greatest loss he could have suffered in their ongoing conflict. Regardless of whether you believe Mello cared about Near to any extent or not, I genuinely cannot imagine Mello would have been happy to succeed as L had it been attained through Near's 'sacrifice'. I am actually exploring an AU of this very idea in a fanfiction I intend to publish early next year, in case you're interested, haha.

This returns to the question as to when Matt realises he is not surviving this mission. Presumably Mello asked for his cooperation, and in doing so, he would have had to explain the plan to Matt which, quite frankly, reveals Mello's intent to die as soon as it is advantageous to do so. Given that Mello did not want Matt to be killed, did Mello reassure Matt that he had created the plan to guarantee his safety? Did Matt believe him? Was Mello deliberately vague, only telling Matt that he needed to set off the smoke gun, then hit the gas and get away from Takada's security team?

As far as I can tell, there is no reason as to why Mello would have been dishonest with Matt, explaining what he was planning to do and why. Perhaps he even suggested to Matt that he could find someone else to take on his position, given the danger he anticipated they would be in. Matt is, as I think the series makes clear, very loyal to Mello, and so I doubt such a proposal was even considered, but I think it is safe to assume that if Mello knew how this plan would end, so too would Matt, whether Mello explicitly told him or not. He would have figured it out.

When Matt and Mello part ways for the final time, not shown to us in either the manga or the anime, they both know that they are saying their last goodbye to one another. I think Mello hopes that Matt will survive somehow, experience a Kira-free world and move on with his life, but I believe Matt knows, well before he got caught, that there is no escape from the inevitability of his death.

Maybe, when he steps out of the car, confronted by the 'big guns', he holds out a little faith that at least he might see Mello again soon.

[justsimplypretty]

party favor - (e.h.)

Storyline: Running into your ex at a party never turns out to be a good thing... right?

Author’s Note: It only took me forever but I finally got around to posting the Edwin smut I’d promised weeks ago after voting. This story was meant to be short but... well... here we are haha. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it. Thanks for reading loves.

Warning: Smut warning

Word count: 2.2k

•••••

“You’re crazy if you think I’m going to just let you continue walking around the party in that outfit” Edwin shouted rolling his eyes in disbelief.

“LET ME? LET ME? Incase you forgot we’ve been broken up for a month now... I don’t need your permission to LET me do anything” you snapped as you felt your face heat up in rage.

You and Edwin had been going at it for a minute now as the two of you yelled over each other and the sounds of fainted music, but this was nothing new. You’d been constantly fighting over anything and everything during the course of these past six months, which ultimately lead to the recent break up. But as fate would have it, you both ended up at the same random LA mansion party that you were both regretting attending now. Even though your friends knew you weren’t the party type, they had somehow convinced you that dancing the night away while wearing a curve hugging black dress with slits exposing both sides of your hips, far from your usual wardrobe, was the perfect way to take your mind off of Edwin. When in fact, it did quit the opposite.

You hadn’t seen or spoken to Edwin since the break up a month ago, so you can imagine the surprise when you both made eye contact from across the crowded room of people. He had spent most of the party watching your every move in full aggravation as you socialized. Wherever you were, so were Edwin’s eyes. And after hours of his constant disapproving stares, you’d had enough, pulling him into the nearest empty bedroom where you never anticipated an argument this heated to unfold.

“Oh please, what the hell did you expect? I would just let you walk around in that sexy ass dress while every guy looks you up and down and I’d just be okay with it?” Edwin questioned. “Look, we may have broken up... but I can’t just run into you at a party like this and act like I don’t still care when in all actuality...” he shouted, pausing himself before he’d revealed too much of his feelings.

Silence suddenly filled the room as the energy changed all too quickly with your realization of why he’d been acting so protective all night long. “Edwin... do you still care about me?” you trailed though already knowing the answer.

“Of course I do... being separated for just a month wasn’t going to change that” he continued as he sat on the edge of the bed, head in his hands out of pure frustration that he’d just admitted this all to you.

You knew this was extremely unlike Edwin. He was always the type to try his hardest to make it seem as though he was doing just fine without you. So seeing him be vulnerable and confess his feelings openly, instantly brought back old feelings. Feelings that you were now questioning if they’d even left in the first place. And you weren’t sure how or why all of this started to change the way you viewed him, but suddenly you wanted him in more ways than you had been leading on. Causing you to act out in ways you’d never initially planned on.

“So...” you lead on breaking the stillness in the room. “...you really think my outfit is sexy?” you said shyly stepping in between Edwin’s legs, causing his hands to instinctively gravitate to your hips. He looked up at you in disbelief, confused on if you were really trying to make a move on him or not. But honestly, he had missed you and your body too much to even ask questions.

“Too sexy... I’ve never seen you in anything like it before” Edwin admitted, scanning your full figure up and down.

A few inches now being the only thing keeping both your lips apart as you felt your feelings towards Edwin change from full resentment to undeniable desire for him completely. The battle between your mind and body in full effect as you juggled with what you knew was best for you long term and what would feel best for you short term.

“W-we really should um... go back to the party” you forced your mouth to speak as your legs moved to sit on either side of Edwin’s lap, indicating quit the opposite of your words.

“Tell me you don’t miss me and we’ll stop... as if nothing ever happened” Edwin whispered in your ear sending chills down your spine. His hands continued to roam the sides of your revealing outfit as he moved to rest them on your now partially exposed ass. His fingers began to trace the exposed outlines of the red laced thong that you both knew was his crumbling weakness.

“I-you know I can’t... I can’t say that” you stuttered still in denial of your want for more of Edwin’s touch.

“Then say what I really like to hear mami... and I’ll make you feel like I always use to” Edwin demanded letting lust fill in his eyes. You knew he was referring to past times, when he’d only continue touching you after hearing the words I need you fall from your lips. And it was true, you did need him. Now more than ever before. And with that, you let every negative feeling you had about this moment leave and did exactly what you had to do.

“Fuck it... I need you” you whimpered as you let you and Edwin’s lips collide forcefully. It was intense, more so than any other time you could ever recall. Edwin’s hands wasted no time pulling the thin piece of fabric over your head to reveal all the red lace covering the parts he’d cherished the most.

•••••

It didn’t take long for all clothing to be scattered across the floor and Edwin’s mouth to be hovering over your soaked area. He prepped kisses along your inner thighs, still staying far away from where your body craved him most.

“Look at you, still getting so wet for me like before...” Edwin said as his fingers lightly grazed over your core, collecting what he could. He took them into his mouth as he admired the taste of your arousal. “...and you still taste so good for me too angel” he continued watching you squirm underneath him. A whole month without Edwin’s touch had felt like a lifetime. You’d never admit it to him, but you had fantasized a couple times about his touch during your time apart. Late nights in your bed alone when you’d let your mind wonder and your fingers slide under the lace and do their worst. It was inevitable, nobody ever made you feel as good as he could.

Your thoughts were cut short by the feeling of Edwin licking a long strip up your core as he stopped and swirled around your bundle of nerves for awhile. The feeling was too much, causing you to immediately try and bring your knees together around him. Edwin grasped both hands around your thighs, instantly prying your legs open and clearly showing who was incharge for the night.

“Ah ah.. keep them nice and open for me baby or I’ll stop making you feel good” Edwin mumbled sending vibrations throughout your whole body. You couldn’t control your moans at this point. Every fiber in your being wanted to feel Edwin’s mouth attached to you always.

“It’s s-so so good Edw- FUCK” you screamed as Edwin’s mouth picked up the pace. Seeing you this way motivated him. Something about knowing he got to have the girl every other guy downstairs wanted to take home made him only want to please you more. Show you how lucky he was to have you in this moment. And maybe just how much he needed you too.

“Fuck baby, I’m gonna cum.. can I please cum please?” you begged not even caring about how desperate you looked for his approval. You knew Edwin’s ways in bed and if you didn’t say or do just the right things, you’d end up holding your release in all night long.

“Go ahead angel let it out for me” Edwin allowed as you fell apart so hard for him. You didn’t at all question why he had agreed so easily, too caught up in the warm feelings rushing through your legs.

He allow much time to recover before he was flipping you over and propping pillows under your stomach for support. He spread your legs apart, just the perfect distance for him to inch into you from behind. This was always Edwin’s favorite way to take you, arched back with your hair entangled in his tight hold. You knew having him stretch you out was far from the way to get over an ex. But at the same time, it felt so right. As if your bodies were made for each other and inside of you is where Edwin belonged.

“You feel so nice wrapped around me again mami..” he groaned as his speed picked up once he’d adjusted to a rhythm. All the background noise had faded into the wind and the only thing that surrounded you were the loud noises spewing from your mouth and the smacks of Edwin’s hands being met with your ass.

“I-I can’t take it baby... it’s too good I can’t” you moaned as your legs struggled to find the strength to stay up for him.

“Yes you can I know you can... keep going like you always did before” he reassured as he continued slamming into you with no remorse. His words only encouraging you to keep up with his incredibly fast pace, making you want to do good for him as if you were still his.

“That’s my good girl just like that..” he moaned at the feeling of you throwing it back for him with all you had left. He could tell you were close by the screams of his name that you only hoped none of your friends were near by to hear. You imagined how disapproving they’d be to find you here getting filled to the hilt by your ex. How the one you’d complained about constantly for the last few months was the same one making your eyes roll to the back in full satisfaction.

“Ed.. I need to fucking cum baby can I please?” you pleaded for the second time that night. Edwin pulled you up by your hair so your back could line up perfectly against his chest and your ear close to his mouth. Never letting up on his speed still taking you from behind.

“I couldn’t hear you baby, what was that?” Edwin replied acting as if he hadn’t perfectly heard every word of your request. You knew the easy release he let you have before wouldn’t resurface a second time.

“Papi please let me cum.. PLEASE” you shouted as everything within you did your best to hold it upon his approval.

“Tell me... did you miss me mami? Huh? Did you miss feeling me deep inside this tight pussy? The one that use to be mine?” Edwin whispered as his lips brushed against your ear. He knew exactly what he was doing. He knew he could get you to confess anything and everything to him once he’d gotten you to this point. You were putty in his hands whenever you needed your release and he always used it to his advantage.

“Yes yes yes I missed you papi.. fuck I did...” you bawled out as tears from the overwhelming pleasure took over your eyes “...this pussy is still yours I promise baby it is... I’m still yours” you continued causing more grunts to escape from Edwin’s mouth. It was all he could imagine from the moment he saw your hips sway into the party... for you to still be his.

“Fuck mamas... cum with me right now... show me how much you missed me angel” Edwin insisted as you clenched around him with every ounce of energy your body had left. Profanities exited both you and Edwin as your intense highs took you both by surprise. Sex with him had always been great, but nothing had compared to the feeling of longing for each other so bad after time apart.

You both lay there silently for awhile. Partially still trying to catch your breath and partially waiting for the other to speak first. Neither of you knew what this meant. If you went back into this relationship thing full on or leave as if this night never happened. If you two were truly meant to be together always or if someone else was more destined for you than each other. As every scenario crossed your mind, Edwin pulled you in close to allow your head to rest against his chest. His fingers lightly moving back the pieces of hair that covered your face.

“Ed-” you tried to speak before his lips leaned down to yours, giving you a passionate kiss.

“Can we just lay here for awhile? Not think about what happens now or where we go next and just... live in this moment for a bit?” Edwin confessed as he let his heart take the lead for the rest of the night. A sudden sense of relief flowed upon you as you felt content with just being present with him and only him. No drama. No fighting. No yelling. Just you laying on him, listening to the soothing sounds of his heart beat.. just like old times.

[lovelysincerity]

Durch Leiden Freude

[[Yes I know this is random but I got inspired at work and figured this was the best day to throw it at you. Have some emotions. They’re good for you, probably.

Here’s my hand at writing Reiji, hope you enjoy this dose of angst.]]

(Alternate version Ai’s All Star Love End if Reiji had found a certain trio after the Song Festival, plenty of spoilers)

After hearing that performance, Reiji already knew who the winner of this year’s Song Festival would be. And strangely enough, underneath the initial disappointment he felt… satisfaction.

Watching the much younger idol maturing over the past six months had been a delight. Just a half year ago Ai wouldn’t have smiled at him to save his life, and now, shortly before the concert began, Ai had smiled at him and told him good luck. Good luck. Just hearing that left Reiji momentarily flabbergasted; when he recovered, the grin he took onto stage was huge and came with what he was certain was one of his best performances ever.

And yet, when the next performance began and Ai opened his mouth to sing, Reiji felt certain that this would be the winning performance. He could only hear it over the monitors backstage, but that was enough to convince him.

“Ai-Ai… you’ve really grown,” murmured Reiji to himself. His eyes had closed to listen better, his fists tight at his sides. “Kouhai-chan was the best medicine after all, huh? … Haha, I didn’t think it’d be this satisfying to lose.”

But if it was Ai, the frustration and disappointment that his performance hadn’t been good enough could be pushed aside. Longing clenched Reiji’s heart in their place as he wondered if he could ever sing like that- but none of that now. Ai and Haruka had come so far and he was proud of them. Now would be the time to congratulate them.

… So where were they?

Reiji took a casual look around after Ai left the stage to compliment him on his performance. No luck on the other side of the backstage, nor in the dressing room. This didn’t bother him since Reiji figured he could wait for Ai to show up for the award ceremony at the end of the event.

Except Ai never came on stage, even when his name was called as the winner. As confused whispers swept over the audience, Reiji bit his lip. Something seemed off when Saotome announced that an important engagement had come up and Mikaze Ai had needed to leave right away. What kind of ‘important engagement’ could trump this event in Saotome’s mind?

Time to take another look around. Haruka, along with Ai’s mentees Syo and Natsuki, were still here. He could ask them what happened.

Of course Reiji was concerned about Ai. It had nothing to do anymore with Ai’s similarities to Aine- that couldn’t have been the reason for his unease at this sudden disappearance. This… disappearance.

And fear, unbidden, gripped Reiji’s heart. That wouldn’t happen again, would it? Ai wasn’t Aine, Ai wasn’t suffering, Ai was happy- that song just now had been proof enough. Why, then, were Reiji’s footsteps picking up in his search for those three kouhai, and why was it hard to keep his worry off his face?

A familiar voice caught his ear and turned Reiji’s feet towards a door he wouldn’t have thought to look in, an unused dressing room. When had he gotten this far down the hallway? He brushed that thought aside and, after fixing his smile on his face, gripped the knob and flung open the door.

“Kouhai-chaaaan~! And Nattsun and Syo-tan too!” he proclaimed, the sudden entry and exclamation greeted by gasps for surprise. “Ai-Ai’s performance today was just incredible! Congrats, you guys! Now Kouhai-chan’s debut is a guaranteed-”

He stopped. Or rather, his throat had clenched and refused to let him say any more. The three younger ones were huddled in a circle on the floor, Natsuki with his arms around the other two, and all three were hastily brushing away tears.

A cold stone dropped into Reiji’s stomach. Instead of celebrating, they were crying. Icy fear chilled Reiji’s legs and froze his feet to the ground; his outstretched hand fell to his side.

What had happened to Ai?

One, two shaky breaths in, out, in, out, as Reiji fought to make his blank mind and numb tongue work, to come up with something. Finally he opened his mouth-

“Thank you, Kotobuki-senpai! W- was there something you needed?”

Haruka spoke first, startling Reiji back into silence for a moment. No, that wasn’t it. It was the shaky yet kind smile she’d forced on when she greeted him, and it snapped him back to his senses.

‘Get your act together, Rei-chan! This isn’t the time to let your fears get a hold on you!’

He wrenched his feet from the ground and strode forward. In the next moment Reiji dropped to his knees in front of the trio and pulled all three into an awkward hug. Maybe it wasn’t about Ai, maybe it was something else. Comforting them took priority.

“… Don’t bother trying to hide those tears, kiddos,” Reiji told them softly. “I’m good at spotting teary faces, y’know! … So what’s the matter?”

Unbeknownst to them, he was holding his breath, afraid of the answer. Afraid of what he might learn- or not learn.

Syo was the first to answer. “We’re just- maybe we’re just so happy we’re crying!”

Nope, not flying. “Sorry, I’m not buying that,” Reiji told him, his hand gently knocking Syo on the back of the head. “I know the difference between happy tears and sad tears.”

“Hmph… sniff…”

“Go ahead and cry, it’s okay. You can talk later.”

“We’re… we’re okay,” Haruka tried with another smile that was more watery than the previous. She looked ready to break down again any second. “Don’t worry, we’ll… we’ll be fine…”

“Nanami,” whispered Syo, his teeth clenched. Natsuki hadn’t spoken, or maybe he couldn’t with his jaw trembling that badly.

Reiji’s heart went out to them. They weren’t just sad, they were grieving. And that was enough to send his worried thoughts into overdrive. What were they hiding?

“Hey,” he murmured, fighting to keep his voice from shaking. Time to try distracting them and calming them down. “What’s this sudden business Ai-Ai had to leave for? He missed the awards ceremony, that kid, and now he’s not even around to… comfort you…”

They’d flinched at his question. Ah… this was related to Ai after all… No, no, he needed to stay calm. He was a professional, he could easily hide things from them, he had to hide his fears.

Guilt swirled in the pit of his stomach with his concern. In truth Reiji knew he’d been cruel to ask that question, for he’d posed it as a test as much as to hopefully calm them. Their reaction gave him the answer he hadn’t wanted to hear yet had expected.

“- Where is Ai-Ai?”

This time, the worry leaked unbidden into Reiji’s voice. He cursed himself in his head. How could he be so immature as to act this way? Especially while they were grieving whatever had happened. ‘Keep your hands from shaking, Rei-chan, they’ll feel it…’

None of them would look at him, somehow avoiding eye contact from this close distance. “Is it something secret?” Reiji pressed, his anxiety winning out. They all knew what had happened, that was certain. “I’m just worried about you three and about Ai-Ai.”

“… Hngh…” Haruka turned her head away when a choked sob left her throat. Immediately Reiji felt guilt again.

“I’m sorry, Kouhai-chan. Forget I asked. You can go ahead and cry about whatever happened, it’s okay.”

“Rei-chan-senpai…” For the first time Natsuki spoke, softer and more forlorn than Reiji had heard him even in acting. “I’m sorry. This is… this is one thing we can’t talk about. Thank you for worrying, and we want to say, but… we can’t talk about this.”

Couldn’t talk about it? Reiji wanted to protest, to say that he just wanted to be sure they were okay or something (in contradiction to his own words before, he knew), except he couldn’t. Not when he had too much he couldn’t, no, wouldn’t tell them.

And so Reiji defaulted to the easiest, hardest, most typical response for him: he put on a smile and agreed. “Okay, I understand. I won’t ask anything else. It’s okay.”

“S- sorry,” Haruka sniffed, Reiji only chuckling in reply and patting her back.

“Aww, don’t be sorry! I should be sorry for bugging you with questions! Go on and let it all out, I won’t tell anyone. Tell you what, I’ll treat you kiddos to something good later!”

He wanted to add, “To celebrate Ai-Ai placing first,” but held off.

Held off on quite a lot, in fact.

==/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\==

At some point, it became common knowledge around Shining Agency that Mikaze Ai was studying overseas for a while. Everyone accepted this and moved on. He was famous but still young enough that no one thought twice about a teenager in the industry taking an opportunity to learn more.

The movie Ai had starred in would be released soon. Reiji thought he might see if he could view it on the opening day. Ai had done a fantastic job, especially towards the end. Acting alongside him in that movie had been a great experience and Reiji wanted to know how the finished product had turned out.

He hadn’t moved on. Try as he might, Reiji couldn’t disregard this. The end of the movie and filming that scene where the mermaid had disappeared into the water had been hard enough; then Ai himself went and vanished? It was like his nightmares all over again.

He got a call from one of the staff members asking if his schedule was free in a few days. Apparently the entire staff was gathering together to watch the finished product the day before it would be released in theaters. Since Reiji’s schedule had mysteriously opened up that day, he went for it.

Maybe this could give him some closure, although Reiji doubted it. It was worth a try and he already wanted to see the movie anyway.

The day came and found Reiji at the theater last minute. He slipped in moments before the theater darkened and the opening credits rolled. In the dim lighting from the projection he could just see Haruka a short distance away. Her gaze was fixed on the screen, her expression one of longing… and hope.

That sent a pang through Reiji’s chest. Hope? Did he even feel that anymore? That girl was so pure still, holding onto hope.

Hope for what, though? Was it the same thing he hoped for? … Did he hope for something?

That question had bothered Reiji these past few months. What did he hope for, if at all? That Ai was okay? That he really was just studying overseas? He just couldn’t bring himself to believe it, not when the teary faces of Haruka, Natsuki and Syo kept cropping up in his mind.

Reiji wrenched his thoughts back to the movie unfolding onscreen. He came here to watch this and he would do just that.

At the scene where the mermaid boy, Ai’s character, reunite with the human girl from his past, someone near Reiji whispered to another, “Man, that scene brings back memories,” to which both quietly chuckled.

Reiji, too, found himself smiling. It had been the first scene for Ai to stumble, the first time he hadn’t gotten a scene perfect the first take in fact. The memory of both young actors sprawled on the ground from colliding foreheads made Reiji want to chuckle and wince at the same time.

The movie continued, and so did the memories. He wasn’t seeing this as what Aine could have been, he was remembering all the effort Ai had put into the filming and Haruka’s dogged persistence at helping out. The flubs, the successes, the tears everyone had shared as the last scene finished filming. It had been an unforgettable experience…

As the final credits rolled at last, applause broke out across the theater. Congratulations and well dones sounded over the ending music. Reiji ignored this and leaned back in his seat, melancholy rolling over him again.

‘What could I have done differently?’

He asked himself that a lot as an actor when looking back on shows he’d been on or recordings of events he’d been in. Thinking back on those and studying what he’d done helped him improve. This time, though, that wasn’t what he was thinking about.

Was there something that could have prevented the tears from those three? Had he missed something from Ai? Was it really okay to move on and let himself believe that Ai really was fine?

These thoughts continued to swirl in Reiji’s head. And then-

The screen lit up again. Silence quickly fell over the theater again, this time of confusion. Everyone was looking at one another with the same silent question: “Was there supposed to be something after the movie?”

Reiji’s eyes locked on the screen. He became aware that his heart was racing. For what, he didn’t know, except he knew he couldn’t look away from whatever unfamiliar scene would unfold.

Blue, blue sky. Endlessly clear blue sea, crystal waves. A familiar sandy shoreline: the location they’d filmed the final scene at.

Then, a voice.

“I’m right here. Where are you?”

“… Ai-Ai…” The shaky whisper escaped Reiji before he knew he was speaking. When had this scene been filmed? If anything, the clear sky and the green trees in the distance made it look recent.

A rustle and sound of pattering feet yanked Reiji’s attention from the screen when it went black. He turned his head just in time to see Haruka racing down the side aisle towards the back of the theater and then out into the lobby. For a moment Reiji was struck with an urge to follow her, one he forced down.

‘… Hope, huh?’ That was exactly what Haruka’s hurried form had been declaring, the same feeling rising in his own chest.

Haruka was excited, and now Reiji was too.

==/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\==

Two days later, for the first time in months, Ai replied to Reiji’s text. Reiji had sent them almost daily, his usual rambling chatter about things that had happened during the day along with various queries about how Ai had been doing. As time went on he’d begun asking more and more if everything was really okay, even messing up once and letting slip that he was worried.

“Though he probably picked up on that already, sharp as he is,” had been Reiji’s dry laugh to himself at that time.

This time had been no different. All Reiji had gone on about was the same mostly pointless things as usual plus a cheery question of if they could hang out when Ai got back. He’d posed that question a couple times before, not that he’d expected any responses for a while now. Why, then, he had continued to send those regular texts was beyond him. Maybe that was some kind of hope? Or maybe he was just bad at giving up?

Regardless Reiji had sent that most recent text during a pause in his most recent job and had put down the phone a moment later to continue working. When he’d gotten back to the break room and spotted the notifications light flashing he’d assumed it would be something about work or perhaps a text from Otoya or a work friend.

When he read the name of the sender, for a moment Reiji’s heart seemed to stop. Four familiar katakana spelling out a nickname. A reply… from Ai.

Reiji fumbled to check it, almost dropping his phone in his haste. The message that opened up on screen was short, as per Ai’s usual, but it was enough to make Reiji smile.

<Okay. Tomorrow afternoon?>

Not only had Ai replied, he’d agreed. What should he reply now? No, wait, that was obvious. He’d make room tomorrow! >Tomorrow afternoon at 3pm! Your studio!< Ai would counter that if he didn’t like it, Reiji didn’t really care.

He didn’t have a chance to put away the phone before the next reply came, even shorter than before: <Okay.> Even to that, Ai had agreed.

“Haha… ahaha…!” A grin had spread over Reiji’s face, quiet laughter of relief and delight coming with it. Somehow, just those few words had lifted a weight from his back. His fingers shook as he typed out one more text. >All righty~! See you then! Been too long and I hear what you’ve been up to!<

… No, not quite the last. For a long moment Reiji’s thumbs hovered over the keyboard. Should he ask one more thing?

>And I want to know why Kouhai-chan and the others were crying after the Song Festival and where you went.<

This time the reply took much longer, though Reiji had the strangest sense that Ai was debating his reply as well. At last…

<Okay.>

==/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\==

What was he so anxious for this time? Ai had agreed to see him and explain things, so why did Reiji feel nervous about this? Was it because he hadn’t seen the other in several months? Because he felt silly for worrying all this time? Something else?

There he stood, one hand lifted, unable to knock on the door before him. This was Ai’s studio, it was 3 o’clock, he’d said he would be here for crying out loud! All Reiji had to do was knock- wait, there was a bell, should he ring that instead-?

The door opened while Reiji was still fretting over what to do. He jerked back a step, his thoughts flailing. “Um, uh, ummm-!”

“For crying out loud, Reiji, how long as you going to stand there?”

Ai had one hand on his hip and the other on the doorknob, his brow knitted in a very familiar frown of exasperation. As Reiji looked on, dumbstruck, Ai went on, “You’ve been standing there for several minutes. I was going to wait until you rang the bell but you just took so long I got fed up.”

“Ai-Ai…”

“Hm?” Ai met Reiji’s gaze with his head tilted. His expression softened into a small smile. “Well? Don’t just stand there, come in.”

“Uh- r- right!” ‘Snap to it!’ Reiji scolded himself. He barely kept from stumbling when he hurried past Ai into the open studio room that Ai lived in.

As Ai shut the door behind them, Reiji caught a glimpse of silver around his wrist. ‘That’s the bracelet Kouhai-chan got him for his birthday, isn’t it?’ Somehow, seeing that Ai was wearing it set Reiji’s mind at ease. ‘He’s still the same. That’s right. Ai-Ai is still the same.’

“So, you wanted to talk?” That question from Ai startled Reiji just a little. He chuckled weakly.

“C’mon, Ai-Ai, aren’t you going to at least offer me something to drink? Hospitality, hospitality!”

Instead of sighing the way Reiji expected him to, Ai considered it. “You’re right. It’s been a while and I rarely have to host anyone, so I didn’t think about it. I’ll go get-”

“No, no, don’t worry, I was just joking!” Reiji cut across hastily. “I didn’t know what else to start with, that’s all!” He trailed off, just staring at the younger boy.

“… What is it?” Ai’s brow furrowed again. “You’re acting kind of wei-”

“Ai-Ai~!”

“- Whoa?!”

Everything he’d considered saying before he got here had fled Reiji as relief had taken over. Without even thinking about it he’d flung his arms around Ai, not minding that Ai stumbled just a little.

Of course Ai protested. “H- hey, Reiji! What the heck-?! You almost knocked me over, geez…!” Yet he made no attempt to push Reiji off and just heaved a sigh. Again he muttered, “Geez,” followed by what Reiji was certain was a quiet laugh.

“… You didn’t forget, did you?” Reiji’s question was soft, a little muffled. “What I asked yesterday?”

Ai was silent; when he didn’t answer right away Reiji let go and took a step back to see his face. “You didn’t, did you?” he pressed. “You of all people wouldn’t forget.”

“No, I didn’t, you don’t have to get all worked up like that,” grumbled Ai. Again Reiji laughed, louder than before.

“Haha, of course not, you wouldn’t forget!”

“I wouldn’t… again…”

“Hm? What was that?” Reiji missed part of what Ai mumbled there. “Something- again?”

A sigh from Ai, who folded his arms. “It’s… hmmm. I’m not sure where to begin.”

Then Ai wasn’t going to pass it off with “it’s nothing?” That was a surprise. Unless it had something to do with what Reiji had asked him yesterday.

Silence fell for about long ten seconds. The one to break it was Ai, in an unexpected way. He heaved another sigh, looked right at Reiji, and said, “I wanted to see you. And thank you.”

Reiji was floored. He gaped, floundered for words, and at last came out with a breathy laugh. “Wha… ahaha! C’mon, you’re gonna make me blush~!”

“I’m serious, Reiji.” Ai was smiling again, not widely but a real smile. “Haruka told me you were worried about me and that you comforted her, Syo and Natsuki the day of the Song Festival. And all those texts from you- well, frankly, they took forever to look through when I was finally able to read them, and at first they were annoying… but after a while I realized you were just worried. I’m sorry about that, and thank you.”

Again, speechlessness silenced Reiji. He only managed a few stutters. “Y- you… so… sorry…?”

“Hey, is it that shocking? Even I can be sorry about things.” Both disappointment and irritation had Ai’s cheeks puffing out in unusual childishness. The sight and his words stirred some sense back into Reiji.

“Haha, yeah.” He took a deep breath. Now was his chance to say some of the things that had been weighing on his mind before things got awkward.

“Phew… Listen, Ai-Ai. You know that Kouhai-chan and the other two have been worrying about you the whole time you were gone, right?” A suddenly serious question, but Reiji needed to say it. If not now, maybe not ever.

Ai’s gaze dropped. “… Yeah. I’ve already talked to them and apologized.”

“Good, because they were pretty darn torn up when you… disappeared.” At those words Ai’s eyes snapped back to Reiji; although he said nothing, the unasked question was obvious: “What do you mean?”

Reiji went on with his gaze locked on Ai’s, “Maybe that’s not exactly what it was. All I know is that I couldn’t find you after you were up on stage that day, and immediately after I found your partner and two kouhai crying. No one saw anything of you from then on. It was like you just- just vanished.” He paused. “Frankly, worried as I’ve been, I want to sock you one too for that. So, Ai-Ai… could you tell me what’s been going on?”

No answer came immediately. Reiji waited, trying to slow his racing heart. He was anxious, he was excited, he was scared. This wasn’t like several years ago when he’d first met Ai and had gotten such a shock to see someone so identical to Aine standing before him. This was Ai, with all Ai’s memories and experiences and connections. Could he hope that he’d formed enough of a bond that Ai would trust him?

When Ai next opened his mouth, Reiji held his breath to hear. “I told you I’d tell you, so I’ll tell you what I can. No… I’ll tell you what I want to, as much as I want to. But… just answer one thing first.”

“Hm? What is it?”

“Can you promise that you’ll tell me what you know about Kisaragi Aine?”

Goosebumps rose along Reiji’s arms. He sucked in a shaky breath, his mind reeling. No, he had to calm down. There was nothing strange about Ai asking about Aine. A good number of people knew they looked and sounded alike, he could have picked it up from anyone. Perhaps even Haruka, who had asked Reiji directly and who knew that Aine and Reiji had been friends.

The steady seriousness in Ai’s gaze told Reiji that this wasn’t an idle question, that whatever would come from it and from each of their answers would be deep. And Reiji let out a long, slow breath and smiled.

“Yeah. I’ll tell you what I know.”

Ai examined him for several seconds, and then smiled as well.

“Thanks. Okay. I’ll tell you… everything.”

He lifted a hand and tapped the side of his neck…