#i began writing this six months ago haha i needed to release it from the purgatory that is my drafts folder

[vamphorica]

Because I hate being happy for more than two hours at a time, I've been considering to what extent Matt knew that Takada's kidnapping was a suicide mission.

I've been looking at this screenshot while I've been using it as a reference for a drawing and given that the poor boy is only designated sixty-nine seconds of screentime in the anime, I think it is interesting that there's a substantial pause on this specific frame. Matt is surrounded by Takada's bodyguards, unable to get out of the predicament he has found himself in. At this point, he believes there are two possible outcomes: he will either be arrested, or shot dead. You could interpret his expression here as apathetic, as that is how he tends to be characterised, but he sits in his car and looks out towards the row of headlights for about seven seconds. He considers his situation, acknowledging the number of men pointing their guns at him, and then he leaves his car.

The question is, did it occur to him then, or had he known beforehand, that his death was inevitable? Remember – Matt is one of a few characters in Death Note to be killed 'traditionally'. Should we take the Shinigami Eyes into consideration here, we have to assume that Matt is fated to die at this exact moment in time, regardless of circumstance. There is nothing that would have saved him from his demise that day.

However, I do wonder if, at nineteen years old, he is truly apathetic about his own life. I genuinely believe Mello sees his own death as an inevitable sacrifice, but I am not so convinced that Matt actually cares enough about defeating Kira to lay his life down for the cause alone. The manga suggests he leaves his car almost immediately upon being caught, and his final words, sadly, suggest a lack of foresight about the gravity of danger he is in.

Kira's world is not one in which justice prevails as Light envisioned, but rather it is an autocratic reign of terror. There is absolutely no chance in which Matt would be detained in a society in which death is considered the appropriate solution to crime. He is a Wammy's boy, but even if he had not have been associated with the House, Matt would have still been aware that his risk of death is heightened exponentially through his association with Mello alone.

In the anime, when Matt looks out the window of his car, we hear his inner monologue. Nonchalant, there is no fear to be heard in Drew Nelson's performance of the lines, and Matt's awareness of his impending death is presented as being limited. Is it an act? Or is Matt portrayed as lacking self awareness to such an extreme extent? Perhaps to 'justify' Matt's position as the third successor to L, Ohba felt the need to present Matt as ignoring the inevitable, but at least to me, this feels like it greatly undermines his intelligence. He may not be competing against Mello and Near, but that does not negate the fact he was still raised in the same institution that they were. All the children are freakishly smart, that is the whole point.

Did Mello propose the plan to kidnap Takada to Matt with the acknowledgement that they were both likely to be killed? Mello's final thoughts in the manga and anime are asking Matt for forgiveness, his death apparently unanticipated by the former, which feels like a failure in writing the deaths of these two in a manner that reflected who they were.

Matt is, by all accounts, a fandom project rather than a fully developed character within the Death Note canonical universe, but we are aware that Matt was created for Mello. I hardly expect Death Note to explore the intricacies of such themes in the series (particularly given, as much as I hate to admit it, Mello and Matt are not the main characters within the franchise). However, even with the rather minimal source material provided to us by both manga and anime, we are made aware that the two have a very unique relationship. They know each other intimately, and Matt does not fear Mello as many of the other characters in the series do.

Mello does not want Matt to die. He values Matt and while one could attribute the gratitude for him to the popular fan narrative that Matt is the one to look after Mello after the explosion, or indeed the idea that the two are in a relationship, their interactions with one another already set up their alliance as one that appears to transcend the regular boundaries of friendship. Again, I'm pulling a lot from fanon here, I know. Take it up with Ohba.

Narratively, if Mello has to die, so too does Matt. Ohba could not foresee this character that is so dependent on another to live beyond him. Yet I simply refuse to believe that Mello would have placed someone so important to him in a compromising position where the likelihood that he will be killed is almost certain. As much as I believe that Mello's final thoughts being directly addressed to the deceased Matt demonstrates an important ode to their relationship, I cannot understand how Mello would have been shocked to hear of Matt's death, given the risk.

We know Mello was fully aware that he was going to die that night. If he did not die, Near would have, and I think to Mello that would have been the greatest loss he could have suffered in their ongoing conflict. Regardless of whether you believe Mello cared about Near to any extent or not, I genuinely cannot imagine Mello would have been happy to succeed as L had it been attained through Near's 'sacrifice'. I am actually exploring an AU of this very idea in a fanfiction I intend to publish early next year, in case you're interested, haha.

This returns to the question as to when Matt realises he is not surviving this mission. Presumably Mello asked for his cooperation, and in doing so, he would have had to explain the plan to Matt which, quite frankly, reveals Mello's intent to die as soon as it is advantageous to do so. Given that Mello did not want Matt to be killed, did Mello reassure Matt that he had created the plan to guarantee his safety? Did Matt believe him? Was Mello deliberately vague, only telling Matt that he needed to set off the smoke gun, then hit the gas and get away from Takada's security team?

As far as I can tell, there is no reason as to why Mello would have been dishonest with Matt, explaining what he was planning to do and why. Perhaps he even suggested to Matt that he could find someone else to take on his position, given the danger he anticipated they would be in. Matt is, as I think the series makes clear, very loyal to Mello, and so I doubt such a proposal was even considered, but I think it is safe to assume that if Mello knew how this plan would end, so too would Matt, whether Mello explicitly told him or not. He would have figured it out.

When Matt and Mello part ways for the final time, not shown to us in either the manga or the anime, they both know that they are saying their last goodbye to one another. I think Mello hopes that Matt will survive somehow, experience a Kira-free world and move on with his life, but I believe Matt knows, well before he got caught, that there is no escape from the inevitability of his death.

Maybe, when he steps out of the car, confronted by the 'big guns', he holds out a little faith that at least he might see Mello again soon.

[justsimplypretty]

party favor - (e.h.)

Storyline: Running into your ex at a party never turns out to be a good thing... right?

Author’s Note: It only took me forever but I finally got around to posting the Edwin smut I’d promised weeks ago after voting. This story was meant to be short but... well... here we are haha. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it. Thanks for reading loves.

Warning: Smut warning

Word count: 2.2k

•••••

“You’re crazy if you think I’m going to just let you continue walking around the party in that outfit” Edwin shouted rolling his eyes in disbelief.

“LET ME? LET ME? Incase you forgot we’ve been broken up for a month now... I don’t need your permission to LET me do anything” you snapped as you felt your face heat up in rage.

You and Edwin had been going at it for a minute now as the two of you yelled over each other and the sounds of fainted music, but this was nothing new. You’d been constantly fighting over anything and everything during the course of these past six months, which ultimately lead to the recent break up. But as fate would have it, you both ended up at the same random LA mansion party that you were both regretting attending now. Even though your friends knew you weren’t the party type, they had somehow convinced you that dancing the night away while wearing a curve hugging black dress with slits exposing both sides of your hips, far from your usual wardrobe, was the perfect way to take your mind off of Edwin. When in fact, it did quit the opposite.

You hadn’t seen or spoken to Edwin since the break up a month ago, so you can imagine the surprise when you both made eye contact from across the crowded room of people. He had spent most of the party watching your every move in full aggravation as you socialized. Wherever you were, so were Edwin’s eyes. And after hours of his constant disapproving stares, you’d had enough, pulling him into the nearest empty bedroom where you never anticipated an argument this heated to unfold.

“Oh please, what the hell did you expect? I would just let you walk around in that sexy ass dress while every guy looks you up and down and I’d just be okay with it?” Edwin questioned. “Look, we may have broken up... but I can’t just run into you at a party like this and act like I don’t still care when in all actuality...” he shouted, pausing himself before he’d revealed too much of his feelings.

Silence suddenly filled the room as the energy changed all too quickly with your realization of why he’d been acting so protective all night long. “Edwin... do you still care about me?” you trailed though already knowing the answer.

“Of course I do... being separated for just a month wasn’t going to change that” he continued as he sat on the edge of the bed, head in his hands out of pure frustration that he’d just admitted this all to you.

You knew this was extremely unlike Edwin. He was always the type to try his hardest to make it seem as though he was doing just fine without you. So seeing him be vulnerable and confess his feelings openly, instantly brought back old feelings. Feelings that you were now questioning if they’d even left in the first place. And you weren’t sure how or why all of this started to change the way you viewed him, but suddenly you wanted him in more ways than you had been leading on. Causing you to act out in ways you’d never initially planned on.

“So...” you lead on breaking the stillness in the room. “...you really think my outfit is sexy?” you said shyly stepping in between Edwin’s legs, causing his hands to instinctively gravitate to your hips. He looked up at you in disbelief, confused on if you were really trying to make a move on him or not. But honestly, he had missed you and your body too much to even ask questions.

“Too sexy... I’ve never seen you in anything like it before” Edwin admitted, scanning your full figure up and down.

A few inches now being the only thing keeping both your lips apart as you felt your feelings towards Edwin change from full resentment to undeniable desire for him completely. The battle between your mind and body in full effect as you juggled with what you knew was best for you long term and what would feel best for you short term.

“W-we really should um... go back to the party” you forced your mouth to speak as your legs moved to sit on either side of Edwin’s lap, indicating quit the opposite of your words.

“Tell me you don’t miss me and we’ll stop... as if nothing ever happened” Edwin whispered in your ear sending chills down your spine. His hands continued to roam the sides of your revealing outfit as he moved to rest them on your now partially exposed ass. His fingers began to trace the exposed outlines of the red laced thong that you both knew was his crumbling weakness.

“I-you know I can’t... I can’t say that” you stuttered still in denial of your want for more of Edwin’s touch.

“Then say what I really like to hear mami... and I’ll make you feel like I always use to” Edwin demanded letting lust fill in his eyes. You knew he was referring to past times, when he’d only continue touching you after hearing the words I need you fall from your lips. And it was true, you did need him. Now more than ever before. And with that, you let every negative feeling you had about this moment leave and did exactly what you had to do.

“Fuck it... I need you” you whimpered as you let you and Edwin’s lips collide forcefully. It was intense, more so than any other time you could ever recall. Edwin’s hands wasted no time pulling the thin piece of fabric over your head to reveal all the red lace covering the parts he’d cherished the most.

•••••

It didn’t take long for all clothing to be scattered across the floor and Edwin’s mouth to be hovering over your soaked area. He prepped kisses along your inner thighs, still staying far away from where your body craved him most.

“Look at you, still getting so wet for me like before...” Edwin said as his fingers lightly grazed over your core, collecting what he could. He took them into his mouth as he admired the taste of your arousal. “...and you still taste so good for me too angel” he continued watching you squirm underneath him. A whole month without Edwin’s touch had felt like a lifetime. You’d never admit it to him, but you had fantasized a couple times about his touch during your time apart. Late nights in your bed alone when you’d let your mind wonder and your fingers slide under the lace and do their worst. It was inevitable, nobody ever made you feel as good as he could.

Your thoughts were cut short by the feeling of Edwin licking a long strip up your core as he stopped and swirled around your bundle of nerves for awhile. The feeling was too much, causing you to immediately try and bring your knees together around him. Edwin grasped both hands around your thighs, instantly prying your legs open and clearly showing who was incharge for the night.

“Ah ah.. keep them nice and open for me baby or I’ll stop making you feel good” Edwin mumbled sending vibrations throughout your whole body. You couldn’t control your moans at this point. Every fiber in your being wanted to feel Edwin’s mouth attached to you always.

“It’s s-so so good Edw- FUCK” you screamed as Edwin’s mouth picked up the pace. Seeing you this way motivated him. Something about knowing he got to have the girl every other guy downstairs wanted to take home made him only want to please you more. Show you how lucky he was to have you in this moment. And maybe just how much he needed you too.

“Fuck baby, I’m gonna cum.. can I please cum please?” you begged not even caring about how desperate you looked for his approval. You knew Edwin’s ways in bed and if you didn’t say or do just the right things, you’d end up holding your release in all night long.

“Go ahead angel let it out for me” Edwin allowed as you fell apart so hard for him. You didn’t at all question why he had agreed so easily, too caught up in the warm feelings rushing through your legs.

He allow much time to recover before he was flipping you over and propping pillows under your stomach for support. He spread your legs apart, just the perfect distance for him to inch into you from behind. This was always Edwin’s favorite way to take you, arched back with your hair entangled in his tight hold. You knew having him stretch you out was far from the way to get over an ex. But at the same time, it felt so right. As if your bodies were made for each other and inside of you is where Edwin belonged.

“You feel so nice wrapped around me again mami..” he groaned as his speed picked up once he’d adjusted to a rhythm. All the background noise had faded into the wind and the only thing that surrounded you were the loud noises spewing from your mouth and the smacks of Edwin’s hands being met with your ass.

“I-I can’t take it baby... it’s too good I can’t” you moaned as your legs struggled to find the strength to stay up for him.

“Yes you can I know you can... keep going like you always did before” he reassured as he continued slamming into you with no remorse. His words only encouraging you to keep up with his incredibly fast pace, making you want to do good for him as if you were still his.

“That’s my good girl just like that..” he moaned at the feeling of you throwing it back for him with all you had left. He could tell you were close by the screams of his name that you only hoped none of your friends were near by to hear. You imagined how disapproving they’d be to find you here getting filled to the hilt by your ex. How the one you’d complained about constantly for the last few months was the same one making your eyes roll to the back in full satisfaction.

“Ed.. I need to fucking cum baby can I please?” you pleaded for the second time that night. Edwin pulled you up by your hair so your back could line up perfectly against his chest and your ear close to his mouth. Never letting up on his speed still taking you from behind.

“I couldn’t hear you baby, what was that?” Edwin replied acting as if he hadn’t perfectly heard every word of your request. You knew the easy release he let you have before wouldn’t resurface a second time.

“Papi please let me cum.. PLEASE” you shouted as everything within you did your best to hold it upon his approval.

“Tell me... did you miss me mami? Huh? Did you miss feeling me deep inside this tight pussy? The one that use to be mine?” Edwin whispered as his lips brushed against your ear. He knew exactly what he was doing. He knew he could get you to confess anything and everything to him once he’d gotten you to this point. You were putty in his hands whenever you needed your release and he always used it to his advantage.

“Yes yes yes I missed you papi.. fuck I did...” you bawled out as tears from the overwhelming pleasure took over your eyes “...this pussy is still yours I promise baby it is... I’m still yours” you continued causing more grunts to escape from Edwin’s mouth. It was all he could imagine from the moment he saw your hips sway into the party... for you to still be his.

“Fuck mamas... cum with me right now... show me how much you missed me angel” Edwin insisted as you clenched around him with every ounce of energy your body had left. Profanities exited both you and Edwin as your intense highs took you both by surprise. Sex with him had always been great, but nothing had compared to the feeling of longing for each other so bad after time apart.

You both lay there silently for awhile. Partially still trying to catch your breath and partially waiting for the other to speak first. Neither of you knew what this meant. If you went back into this relationship thing full on or leave as if this night never happened. If you two were truly meant to be together always or if someone else was more destined for you than each other. As every scenario crossed your mind, Edwin pulled you in close to allow your head to rest against his chest. His fingers lightly moving back the pieces of hair that covered your face.

“Ed-” you tried to speak before his lips leaned down to yours, giving you a passionate kiss.

“Can we just lay here for awhile? Not think about what happens now or where we go next and just... live in this moment for a bit?” Edwin confessed as he let his heart take the lead for the rest of the night. A sudden sense of relief flowed upon you as you felt content with just being present with him and only him. No drama. No fighting. No yelling. Just you laying on him, listening to the soothing sounds of his heart beat.. just like old times.