#i beat myself over every.single.time

[silentgrim]

gosh.. worst thing about being socially awkward is saying something you think is funny and sarcastic but inevitably coming off as a unintentional mean girl and later fist fighting your self over your own delusions of the possible misunderstanding

[lovingthereign25]

I knew Roman was exhausted, having won both titles at WrestleMania a few weeks ago. Being on Raw Monday and Smackdown on Friday after flying to a new city. My poor husband was beat to say the least. He looked so peaceful sleeping so relaxed was I really about to wake him up for sex? You bet your ass I am, I have needs! Anyways he suffered a low blow in a match tonight and I felt a good massage would help. I knew he slept naked and I absolutely loved that!

I slowly slid over closer to Roman so i was hovering over his right side just a little, then i slowly slide my hand down his body until i got to his thigh i gave it a slight squeeze before find his soft member stroking him until i could feel him get harder by the second see him twitch in his sleep. In no time he was rock hard unfortunately i had woken my poor husband up

“ Shit baby what are you doing?” he asked half asleep

“I know you took a low blow to our baby marker here, so i wanted to make you and him feel better” i smile continuing to stroke him

“Is that so, cause I took it as i was trying to sleep and you wanted to be a pervert. He laughs.

“ No no no, baby i'm looking out for you’ i giggle.

“ Yea, so if i do this” he says, slipping his hand between my thigh and rubbing two fingers between my lips..” just as i thought you are soaked” he smirked.

“ okay mmm…okay you got me, i was hot and bothered and wanted my husband” i shrug

“You wanted the Tribal Chief huh?, well now you got him” he says flipping us over so he was now on top of me.

He lines himself up at my entrance, I give him a nod letting him know I'm ready, he slides his hard cock inside of me and I swear I've never felt anything better in my life.

“Fuck Y/n, you always take me so well baby!’ he grunts getting a steady pace.

His thrust became sloppy and I knew he was just as close as I was.

“Cum inside me Daddy” I whisper in his ear.

That sent Roman.. He began to thrust harder hitting my spot Every.Single.Time. ii couldn't control it anymore i felt myself clench around him as my orgasm washed over me

“Roman!” I moan his name.

“Acknowledge Me” he demands.

"Fuck me my Tribal Cheif" I almost scream.

And that does it. Roman is spilling himself into me, filling me up with his cum.

We ride out our orgasm together.

"See baby marker works fine" he jokes

"Had to make sure Daddy if we want that little girl you promised me"I smile while kissing my husband.

[band--psycho]

Chibs Telford Smut-Illicit Affairs (Music Writing Challenge 2021)

Music Challenge Masterlist

A huge thank you to @miss-nori85 who helped inspire this fic, I hope you like it!

Warnings: Smut, cheating

‘Meet me at the usual spot in ten minutes,’ I couldn’t deny the way my heart skipped a beat, nor could I deny the arousal that flooded directly to my core as I read those words. It was like my body was autopilot, quickly changing into the closest items of clothing I could get hold of. For a while now Chibs Telford and I had had this arrangement; originally it started with long (and somewhat romantic) nights spent in hotel rooms, fucking until we fell asleep. That’s all it was, it wasn’t making love, it was a lot more primal in that, like an animalistic hunger that we both craved. The guy I was seeing now, he was one of the sweetest people I’d met in a long time, he was practically perfect in every aspect except one. He wasn’t Chibs. I knew what I was doing was so many levels of wrong, I always said I’d neve cheat on anyone….but when it came to Chibs, I just couldn’t say no. He could ask me anything and I’d do it in a heartbeat and he damn well knew it. He had a hold over me, one that I couldn’t seem to shake no matter how hard I tried. I’d be his in heartbeat and that again was part of the problem because that’s not what he wanted. He didn’t want a relationship like that. I tried so hard to fight the feelings I had for him, the urge to feel his lips against mine, I tried to forget him and move on. That’s how I met Reece, we’d been on a couple of dates and we weren’t officially official but he spent most nights at mine. The relationship I had with Reece was so different to the one I had with Chibs, Reece and I went out on cute little dates to the movies, the park, all of those things a normal couple should do and for a while I did manage to forget about Chibs, a small part of me even began to imagine a future with Reece, a future that was filled with security but slowly, the echo of Chibs’ touch found me again and I couldn’t help but crave every aspect of him again and I couldn’t resist it when I was alone with him and neither could he, that’s how our affair started and that’s how it carried on, today was just another day of being torn between my heart and my head.

Quickly I made my way over to the abandoned parking lot that was a few blocks away from my house and there he was standing next to his car.Just the mere sight of him was enough to get me soaked; his hair was slicked back, dressed from head to toe in black. As soon as he looked up, I averted my gaze to the floor as I walked closer to him. I felt his eyes burning into me as I approached him, like a rabbit approaching a fox. In one swift motion I felt his cold grip on my chin tightly forcing me to look up at him, the anger burning behind his already darkened eyes. I knew I was in trouble, before I even got a chance to defend myself, he placed a finger over my lips. 

“Ye’re late,” he growled in my ear, lowering both of his hands to my waist and lifting me up onto the bonnet of the car, quickly pulling my trousers down so they were hanging off of my ankles. Those actions were enough to have me dripping for him as my arousal continued to build 

“Chibs-” I began, my voice barely a whisper but was cut off when his lips crashed down onto mine in a bruising kiss, one of his hands gripping my thigh tightly while the other hand traced along the damp line of my panties. He was the only one that could turn me on this quickly and in such a dominant way. He wasted no time in removing my hoodie and sports bra, disregarding them onto the floor, he trail of hot, open mouthed kisses down your neck before moving further down your chest. His mouth sucking on one of the curves of my chest, his tongue rolling over my nipple while one hand squeezed my breast, occasionally pinching the nipple causing jolts of pleasure to course through me. I was barely keeping it together as he switched actions between my breasts. 

“Need you-” I moaned out, gripping onto his shoulders, desperately trying to catch my breath as he continued his relentless attack on my breasts. A low chuckle escaped his lips as he halted in his actions, his lustful eyes locking on to mine. 

“Need what?” He asked, his hand moving slowly moving my panties to the side, allowing him access to the place I craved him most. All the words seemed to melt away in my mind as he lightly tapped his finger against my clit, the pleasure taking over all of my thoughts and all I could do was moan in response, bucking my hips slightly. 

“I need an answer, love,” he whispered, gently biting the lobe of my ear as he began to tap my clit faster. 

“You, I-I need you,” I moaned out, feeling his erection pressing against my thigh. 

“Does your guy get you this wet?” he taunted, his hot breath making the hairs on the back of my neck stand on edge as he ran a finger along my dripping slit. I let out a shaky breath as he whispered “answer the question, or I stop right now.” 

Just as he was about to pull his hand away from my pussy I whispered a “no” in response, a small smirk came across his face at my admission. 

“Say it louder,” he demanded, as he slowly pumped his finger in and out of me. 

“NO,” I moaned in response, gripping onto him for dear life. 

“No what, love?” he taunted, his thumb circling my clit as his finger drew me closer and closer towards the edge. 

“He-he doesn’t make me this wet,” I admitted, desperate for my release and just as I was about to fall over the edge he stopped. My moans turned into a whimper at the loss of him, but he just smirked, raising the finger that was covered in my juices to his lips.

“So fuckin’ sweet,” he stated with a triumphant smirk on his face. He waited a few seconds before doing anything else, reveling in how desperate I was for him. Those few seconds felt like an eternity to me, I needed him inside me. I needed him to fuck me, now...I was so lost in the ecstacy of pleasure that I didn’t even hear him unzip his trousers before he entered me. I screamed slightly at the sudden feeling of his member inside me. I knew it wasn’t going to take long to push me over the edge, but by the look on Chibs’ eyes it was going to take him long either. Relentlessly he thrusted into me hitting my g-spot. Every.Single.Time. It was like I was on cloud nine; there was nothing that compared to this, no one that could bring me so much pleasure. I could feel myself about to fall over the edge again this time Chibs didn’t stop, he just kept on pounding into me. 

“Fuck,” he groaned, wrapping one of his hands around my throat, only adding to the sheer pleasure I was feeling. 

“Does he fuck you like this?” He asked against my lips, applying slightly more pressure to my throat with each thrust.

“No...he... doesn’t fuck me... like this,” I  choked out in between moans, sweat beaded both of our foreheads as his speed increased.  

“Who owns this pussy?” He asked, slowing his thrusts down, to look at me directly in the eyes, awaiting for my answer. 

“You do…” I answered,knowing that it was the truth. He clearly saw the truth in my eyes because his thrusts began to get faster and faster,  after a few more rapid thrusts my loud moans and his guttural groans were echoing around the  parking lot as both of us came undone, finally reaching the release we both craved.  Once we both caught our breath he released his grip on my throat and pulled out of me and I hopped down from the bonnet of the car, both of us quickly sorting ourselves out and just like that, it was all over, nothing else was said by either of us, although I could feel his eyes lingering on me for a split second as I got changed. But that was it. And just like that he got in the car and I made my own way out of the parking lot. By the time I got back home, I was already craving him inside me again. 

“Hey baby,” Reece called out, as I entered the front room. I mentally cursed myself, completely forgetting that I’d given him my spare key. 

“Hey,” I called back, guilt washing over me. 

“You okay? You look a bit flustered,” he said, worry lacing his voice as he walked over to me, his hands moving to my face, caressing my cheeks lightly. 

“I’m fine, I just went for a run,” I lied, with a fake smile painted on my face but it was enough to persuade him. 

“Aw babe, don’t burn yourself out okay? I’ll go so you can get some rest,” he said, pressing a light kiss to forehead. I couldn’t help but remember how foreign his lips were on my skin compared to Chibs. 

“Thank you, I appreciate it,” I said, with another fake smile on my face. Breathing a sigh of relief as he left. Part of me hated Chibs...hated how his touch, his kiss had created some type of secret language that I couldn’t speak with anyone else because no one else was him.

Tagging: 

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[letsdiscoverkitty]

3/12/18: Screw you anorexia. No. NONONONONONO. I am not going to let you destroy the rest of my life. I am not going to let you tear apart the very little that I have left. I am not going to let you destroy me and land me back in hospital. NO. Do you hear me? I am not going to let you win this war. Right now I feel like the biggest stuck record in the world. I feel anything but strong. Or brave. Or capable. And I feel like I have let everyone down for the millionth and one time. I have become so disconnected from reality and from myself recently that I seem to just float on by, barely touching the ground. I know that I can’t keep sitting back and expecting things to change without anything actually changing; or that there will suddenly come a day when I feel able to face the anxiety and AN will allow me to walk on past. I have the best of intentions in the world, and I genuinely do want to follow them, yet I stumble and fall every single time. AN has become so strong and my voice so weak recently. I am tired. Exhausted. Broken. And right now I have no self-belief and the hope is dwindling fast. I don’t know what I need right now or what will help but I do know that this (whatever this may be) is not working. I can’t keep taking the world upon my shoulders, plastering on a fake smile and acting like everything is fine. saying what I know people want to hear, saying what I know I should, but then allowing anorexia to walk all over me.  Maybe there is no ‘right’. No perfect. No magic switch that will suddenly flick. But I have known this for years, so it doesn’t really change anything. Maybe right now the best thing for me is to stop searching; stop trying to solider on as a lone island and instead try to lean on the people around me. Put my hands up and let the walls down a little. Maybe I do need to let them guide and help me. I’m not sure. And I don’t even know what help would look like or how anyone can help me.   Right now it all feels impossible and part of me screams ‘what’s the point in even trying anymore, I will just mess it up again’ but I know that if I listen to that voice then I will only be fulfilling its prophecy. Anorexia convinces me that I am powerless. Incapable. Weak. A burden. A failure. A waste of time and space. That nothing will ever change. And I fall for it every.single.time. as I continue to go down those same paths time and time again. 

I suppose the only way to find out is to try a slightly different route however wrong it feels because this has not been working. I can’t keep trying to protect everyone around me, because really, I’m not protecting them in the slightest and I am probably hurting them more. I can’t keep trying to hold such tight reins over every.little.thing. I can in an attempt to ‘control’ it all, because it’s not really control at all. I can’t keep clinging onto anorexia, expecting it to suddenly let me go, because that is not how it works. 

I have worn myself into the ground and I have had enough. Enough of beating myself up day after day after day for not having made any progress. Of constantly overthinking and overanalysing. And doing all I can to distract away from the very thing that I know I need to do.  I can’t keep doing this. I just can’t.

I wish by writing this I could draw a line. That this could make the difference. That this truly was ‘it’. But, as I have learnt, no matter how much you say/write, nothing will ever change if your actions don’t....All I hope is that with time I will begin to find my voice again. That something will help lignite my fire. My anger towards AN. And my desire to live again.

[sitaaronkepaar]

  Daily Rikara Ramblings

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKKKKK!!! NO KC CONTINUATION!!??? WHAT IN THE FUCKING FUCK!!*flips several tables*

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

What? you thought i was kidding? grow up.🙄🙄🙄🙄

But why the fuck would you end Rikara on a cliffhanger and not show what happens next??! Just ….I don’t even know what to say except what the fuck. God, I hate this stupid disappointing show. Unlike Gauri, it doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt. I can’t believe I keep defending this shit time and again, and yet, it keeps disappointing me every.single.time. I’m a fucking idiot is2g. 😡😡😡😡

I guess I should just be glad Gauri got a new suit that’s 😡not a tent? Fuck this show. Ugh. (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

Lol @ these Kaali t-shirt wale. 😂😂😂😂😂

Hain? Richa ki shaadi Gauri k ghar se kyu ho rahi hai? Doesn’t she have her own home?🤔🤔🤔🤔

Lol @this extra as fuck fucker. Har jagah tadi se entry maarta hai, chahe phir apna ghar ho, ya kisi aur ka 😂 😂😂😂😂😂

Kunal’s looking kinda cute as a Sardaar😍😍😍

Hahaha BadassRi 💝💝💝💝

Awww Omkara ka khoon khaul uth raha hai.😏😏😏

Ugh, this kali t-shirt wala dude is so creepy. 😓😓😓

“o ji ek mint, gal karne do na”

Dilpreet, your Omkara is showing 😂😂😂😂😂

Wtf is Gauri’s mom though? Kisi se bhi paise bhi le legi?😐😐😐

Oh god, this Singh is king shit is annoying but funny lmaoo.  😂😂😂😂😂

Hahaha, Gauri Omkara ki class ke rahi hai. Lmaoo 😂😂😂

God, Omkara is such a bad liar, lmao. He’s gonna get caught soon 😂

Gauri’s face!!! 😂😂😂😂😂 She’s like yeh kaun mental piece hai??? 😂?

Awwww, shit! Gauri shut him down. Is bichare ko ek din me hi mehnat karni pad rahi hai. Aur kitne din chalayega yeh jhooth? He’s going to lose it in a week! Ab pata chala Gauri jo kitni mehnat karni padi to fool you?! Maybe now he’ll appreciate Chulbul more. Imao.

Omg imagine Rikara bonding over their Chulbul-Dilpreet lies and discussing how easy hard it was to fool each other 😂😂😂😂

Awww Richa bringing in the big guns aka Shankarji. Gauri be like shankarji ne last time jisko bheja tha uski wajah se hi toh life itni jhand ho gayi hai.

My god, rudra is such a fucking asshole. Go die in a ditch you sicko.😡😡😡

No, bhavya, don’t control yourself. Kick his ass.（╯°□°）╯︵( .o.) （╯°□°）╯︵( .o.)  （╯°□°）╯︵( .o.)

God, he’s giving me so much michmichi, I might reach into my laptop and strangle him myself. GO DIE YOU FUCKERRRRR!!!  😡🔫🔫🔫🔫

I’m ffwding. I can’t watch queen’s humiliation. 😭

Moving on to Omkara, who for once is not being an utter abomination.

“Kal ki tarah sofe pe so sakte hai?”

GAURI WTF!!! WHY WOULD YOU ALLOW AN UTTER STRANGER TO SPEND A NIGHT AT YOUR HOME??!! HE COULD BE A RAPIST OR A KILLER FOR GODSSAKE. OMG QUEENIE, I DID NOT EXPECT THIS DUMBFUCKERY FROM YOU!! 😧😧😧😧😧

Matlab maana queenie acche acchon ko pachad deti hai, but this is a bit much. What about basic common sense, Gauri?😒😒

Omkara’s like wtf? Bathroom bahar hai and paani 2 hi ghante aata hai? Wtfffff. WHAT ABOUT MY BEAUTY ROUTINE GAURI? THESE BEAUTIFUL LOCKS DON’T TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES ON THEIR OWN!! MEHNAT KARNI PADTI HAI. I NEED AT LEAST 1 HOUR TO CONDITION MY HAIR. LIFE AIN’T FAIR, IT IS NOT! 😭😭😭😭😭

Gauri’s so serious lmaooo. She’s not giving him an inch. baahahhahhahahhahahah. Keep trying you fucker!!😂😂😂😂

Hahaha, she shot him down. Ofc tumhe yaad nahi karna chahti asshole.🙄 🙄🙄

Ugh, no his teary eyes kill me 😭😭😭

Fucker singh oberoi is back. Imma skip.🙄🙄🙄

Omg he took bribe in mithai ka dabba. She gon figure it out?😟😟😟

I thought Bhavya was just suspended? She’s actual me fired kya?

“Niche dekho.”

OH.NO.YOU.DIDN’T. GOD SOMEONE HOLD ME BACK IMMA KILL THIS FUCKER. DIE BITCH DIE!  ̿'̿’\̵͇̿̿\з=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/‘̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿   ̿ ̿̿'̿’\̵͇̿̿\з=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿   ̿  ̿'̿’\̵͇̿̿\з=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿    ̿'̿’\̵͇̿̿\з=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿

HAHAHA, Yes BHAVYA TELL HIM OFF. ISKI NAUKRI KO KYA, ISKO HI LAAT MAAR DE.

I HATE RUDRA SO MUCH, YOU GUYS. HE’S EVEN WORSE THAN VOLDEMORT.😡😡😡😡

Voldemort never saw any love in his life, he was so fucked up, but Rudra doesn’t even have that excuse. He was raised by two loving brothers and his daadi. Spoilt brat is one thing, but this utter inhumane behaviour is something else. Gosh, He has no excuse to act like this. I’m raging so hard rn. 😡😡😡😡😡

Ugh, Thank God, Omkara is here. Imma stare at his beautiful face and try to calm down. 😅😅😅😅

“paani do ghante, macchar 24 ghante”

Lmaooo. Aur papad bel asshole.😂😂😂😂

Omg lol. I thought, Gauri said itna zyada khana, and her mom was like jo ghar me tha woh bana diya. Lmaoooo.

I was like wtf, mana ki guest hai but ek bande pe sara ration pani khatam karne ki zaroorat nahi hai Maa. 😂😂😂😂

You know what, I’m act😘ually loving this ott hasmukh dilpreet. Can he stay forever?😘😘

“humne aap se sorry kyunki KAL aapne humein gundon se bachaya”

But he just did that today? Like a couple of hours ago? Gosh, omkara k break up ne Gauri ko aisa sadma diya hai that she’s forgotten the concept of time.😰😰😰

For real though, what is this garbage writing? Ek toh koi continuation nahi hai upar se itne bade bloopers? Who okays this shit?🙄

Lol, stupidass hotstar started buffering at the wrong moment and OMG Omkara looks like such a cutie patootie!! No wonder I always want to kiss his stupid face 😭😭😭

“Ek nahi hazaar wajah hai Gauri, main saari zindagi tumhe sorry bolta rahun toh bhi kam padega”

At least he realizes the magnitude of his mistake. Chalo, I hate you a little less now. But you better make up to my queen in a spectacular way you ass. She deserves the sun, the moon, the stars, EVERYTHING. 💕💕💕

But I love how dismissive Gauri is of him lmao. Kuch zyada hi bhav deti thi usey, tabhi he took you for granted. Super sardarji ko ab pata chalega what it’s like to be a normal peasant dealing with the Queen. 😎😎😎

“oh ji waada hai, dulhan hum le jayenge”

GOD, I STILL CAN’T GET OVER THE FACT THAT HE’S ACCEPTED THIS MARRIAGE. I’M LITERALLY PUKING RAINBOWS RN!!!😭😭😭

Like I low-key want Rikara remarriage in this track. I know hoga nahi, but god, this is more than enough.😊😊😊

Ugh, aagaya ye asshole to ruin my feels. I can literally feel my blood boiling whenever he’s on my screen.😤😤😤😤

My gawd, he looks creepy af. I need him to stop smirking or so help me god, he’ll be going home without a limb or two.🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️

Man, this guy has crossed all limits. All cause he can’t take no for an answer. Matlab problem kya hai iski? First, he insulted her, then he got drunk at her wedding and slut-shamed her, then he got her fired, and now he’s trapped her with him? Like this is legit how acid attackers are born? Just tell me what’s the difference? They attack physically, and he’s attacking her psychologically, making her life hell. How on earth does Gul think it’s good storytelling? This is a character assassination of the worst sort. Rudra literally went from an adorable, albeit unintentionally misogynistic idiot, to something sinister. Redemption toh I know will never happen, but I don’t even want to know how or why Bhayva will forgive him for this. This ship has sunk before it could even set sail. R.I.P RuVya.⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️

“In short meri ghulam banke raho”

BHAVYA, GO MURDER HIM IN HIS SLEEP. I WILL HELP YOU. CUT THIS BITCH!!!  🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️ 🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️ 🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️

I’m just glad Bhavya ain’t backing down. Attitude hi sahi, give something back to him *while we plan how to kill him in his sleep, hush*

“Ye awaz kaisi?”

Beeeech, yeh dhuan kaisa? Ghar pe aag lag gayi hai kaa?😥😥😥

Lmao. Jaldi bandh omkara. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Yeah Gauri, gooo. There’s a fire @ur home.😥😥😥

Omg, I’m so here for Omkara silently observing, nay, nihaaring Gauri 😭😭 😭 😭

I love how he literally has a physical reaction whenever she gets hurt.

“woh kahan kuch bolti hai, bas chup chaap sehti rehti hai sab kuch. Pata hai aaj tak maine sirf khuddari ka bare me suna tha toh mujhe  laga maine khuddari dekhi hain, main khuddari jaanta hu, lekin nahi, asli khuddari main aaj dekh raha hu”

Ughhhh yessss. Finally, you’re learning what a beautiful selfless soul your wife is 😭😭 😭 😭

Lol @Shivaay giving gyan to Omkara. Don’t throw away your notes Shivaay, same lecture Abhi rudy ko bhi dena hai.

“Wahi toh baat hain na Shivaay, mujhe abhi sirf uska dil nahi jeetna hain. Usey itni khushiyan deni hai, itni khushiyan, jiski woh haqdaar hai. Aaj tak maine sirf, sirf usey aasun hi diye hai lekin ab, ab main uski zindagi mein khushiyan hi khushiyan bharna chahta hun ”

OH MY GOD. BE STILL MY BEATING HEART.

WHAT? I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING. THERE’S A BRANCH, NAY, THERE’S AN ENTIRE TREE IN MY EYE. *sobs internally, externally, everything-ly* 😭😭 😭😭 😭 😭 😭😭 😭 😭

Lol, Kalyani Mills bakwas. Who the fuck cares.

Wow, Richa k sasural wale shakal se hi evil dikh rahe hai. 

Lmao Gauri doing her bezaati 😂😂

Okay, why is she judging Gauri’s ghar? Like she isn’t even Richa’s relative? She’s just her friend. 🤔🤔🤔

God, this showoff, I can’t. She’s pissing me off so much. 😡😡😡😡😡

Richa ki shaadi Gauri k ghar se kyu hone wali hai though? Idgi. 🤔🤔🤔

Ugh, maan na maan main tera mehman.🙄🙄

God, she better not ask for dowry.😡😡😡

Omg she is  😡😡😡😡😡

Wtfffff 😡😡😡😡😡

THIS BITCHHHH 😡😡😡😡😡

Sare relatives k liye saree and gehne and kapde and 1kg ladoo. dafuq you think this is bitchhhhh? Shaadi tere bete ki hai ya tere saare relatives ki hai? My god this bhukkhad aurat. Koi jail bhejo isey. 😡😡😡😡😡

Yes, Gauri, why are you listening to this bitch? Call the police and send her ass to jail. 😡😡

I hope Gauri actually has a plan and isn’t just bowing down to society’s pressures.  

OMG, what if in typical bollywood fashion the baraat goes home on the wedding day and Rikara get married on the madap instead? Too much? han mujhe bhi laga.😂😂😂😂

[infpisme]

How to be a happier INFP

So, first of all, it should go without saying that not all of this is going to be applicable to every INFP’s situation, right? So, if a few aren’t relevant, it doesn’t discount your whole life or mean anything about your identity. These suggestions are based on a pretty broad swath of INFPs I have known, both personally and professionally, and the struggles that seem to be most common.

1) Stop being so hard on yourself, INFP! You are never going to be perfect. Perfection isn’t even a thing. You’re going to make mistakes (plenty of them) and accidentally hurt people’s feelings and do the wrong thing and generally make a mess sometimes, and it’s okay. You don’t need to hide in the corner and self-flagellate when you do. You don’t need to spiral into a pit of despair. It is entirely possible - and much healthier - to address whatever happened, apologize or clean it up, and move on. You’re never going to be perfect, but you’re good enough. I promise.

2) Repeating: who you are is completely, totally okay. You may feel like you have no defenses in this cruel, cold world, but don’t hide who you are. You may feel almost like there’s something fundamentally wrong with you; you’re so sensitive and have so many feelings. It can be overwhelming and you may want to hide it, but I would argue that we really need people like you, so let us see you. The world needs people who are soft and tender-hearted and gentle and who accept others in all their quirky ways. Hold that kind of space for people; that’s your gift. I know you aren’t going to be able to let everyone in indiscriminately, but trust that there is value in exposing your truest self to the ones who matter.

3) Practice using words when you need to withdraw. Tell the people around you “I’m feeling overwhelmed and I’m going to need some time to myself” rather than just disappear on them and cause worry. Use words to say “I feel depressed” or “I am sad” or “This hurts me” instead of pretending like you’re fine but suffering on the inside or worse, shutting down and being unreachable. When you do it this way, the people who love you worry about you. They worry they did something wrong, or that you don’t love them, or that there is something terrible ailing you. But sometimes it’s nothing, right? You just need to be alone for a while. Say that. Let people know you. Teach people how to treat you, and what you need, and how you are.

4) Work on not taking everything so personally. Sometimes criticism, while hard to hear, is helpful; it’s how we grow. It rarely means anything about who you are as a person. It is rarely an indictment of your character. When you feel criticized or hurt, think through what the person meant by it, what their intentions were, whether it’s something to be upset about. Think about whether they might actually have a point, and then use the feedback to make some changes. But skip the part where you absorb the criticism and feel unnecessarily bad about yourself for having stuff you need to work on. We all do.

5) On the other hand, related to the previous suggestion, you can also practice using words to say when something feels bad to you instead of pulling inward to lick your wounds. Just say “That hurt my feelings”. This one is particularly hard for male INFPs, because of course we socialize men to be tough and whatnot. INFP dudes, here’s the thing: you ain’t that tough, and that’s perfect. That is exactly right. You don’t have to be tough in the traditional hyper-masculine ways the world expects. You march to the beat of your own drum anyway, so you can be revolutionary when you set an example for other men in your life that it is safe to be emotional, to be sensitive, to say “that hurt my feelings” instead of resorting to the anger or stonewalling we have come to expect from men.

6) You are very slow to make decisions, presumably because you want to make sure you have all the information you need, but the byproduct of this is that you almost always wait too long to do something you know needs done. You are likely to languish in bad relationships far longer than you should or stay at that job you hate because you are afraid to do the wrong thing, or of being hurtful, or you aren’t positive you did every single possible thing that you could to make the situation work. I get it. The problem is though that you sometimes drag your feet even when you really do know what to do. It doesn’t serve you. It just wastes your time, and other people’s time.

7) Sometimes you take too long with decision-making because of fear of failure. To this I say: fuck it. You’re going to fail sometimes. That’s fine. You can handle whatever comes next. See #1.

8) Most of you have had your heart broken at least once, and while that’s true of most people, it can be particularly hard on an INFP. A broken heart at any point in life can make you quite reticent to open back up to anyone (ever again). But remember that you love connecting. You love being in love. You love seeing and being seen in a meaningful way. You love deep conversation and intimacy. You love shedding your protective layers and just being yourself in all your tender glory. It just scares the living shit out of you because it requires you to open up more than you feel safe opening up. It involves the little emotional turtle inside of you sticking its head out of the shell and staying out despite the very real fear, the very real risk in doing so. Vulnerability is absolutely required. Sorry, boo. I know you don’t want to hear it, but you are going to have to take risks. Every.single.time. Love is always a risk. It’s worth it.

9) Stop feeling so guilty all the time. You know, I’ve said many times that guilt is the least useful emotional response. It’s like, “I’m going to be sorry over and over and over and over and over and over” even well past the time when being sorry even makes sense anymore. Knock it off, INFP. This guilt and shame stuff is for the birds. If you feel bad about something, address it, fix what you can, ask for forgiveness, and then offer that forgiveness to yourself…and move on. There seems to be some macabre fascination for INFP in wallowing and rolling around in the muck, often in piles of things that aren’t even yours to own, much less to take responsibility for. INFP has a reflexive guilt/shame response that is super damaging. When you find yourself feeling guilty or ashamed, drag that feeling out into the light and examine it. Is it legit? Is it reasonable? Do you deserve it? If you asked someone else about it, would they look at you like you were crazy for even thinking about this?

10) Line up a team of trusted advisors to check you on your shit. I know you don’t usually need that many friends (side note: most INFPs only keep 1-3 truly close friends at a time, and many describe themselves as a “lone wolf”, although I suspect that is partly resignation vs. preferred way of being) but you definitely need a system of checks & balances, or else you run the risk of descending into one of those negative cycles at any time for no good reason. You need people around you to bounce ideas off of and get feedback on. (Or a therapist can work for this too). You need someone to remind you that you’re being too hard on yourself. INFP is an internal processor, so you may not think you need this, but you do. Talk your stuff out, out loud. It’s the only way to keep your tendency to be way too hard on yourself in check.

11) Ask people questions. You tend to be a passive communicator, but I know you’re genuinely curious about people. I know that anything anybody ever wanted to tell you would be received happily. I know you love being a trusted confidant. I know you want people to feel safe with you. But my tip is this: don’t just wait for them to offer information for fear of being “intrusive” or “nosy”. The truth is most people love to talk about themselves, and would love to have you probe into their innermost selves in that lovely way you do (when you do). But you have to ask the right questions. You have to actively pull people out in order to show them you’re curious about them.

12) It’s important for several reasons, but one reason this is important to do is because you are incredibly imaginative. Which is a good thing, except when it’s not. Sometimes you have a tendency to make stories up in your head, so sometimes you maybe don’t ask questions because you’ve already filled in the gaps and written your own version of what the person is telling you. The problem is, you made that up. It’s not actually true. You have to ask what is true. You can’t just go working off your invention of the person/story/whatever. Especially if you’re trying to connect with a person who needs you to ask questions to draw him/her out. In order to really get close to someone, you need to stop making up stories about them and actually ask/listen instead.

13) Another thing about that imagination of yours: you tend to be a bit anxious, and as such you’ll work through all the worst case scenarios in your head and sometimes get yourself quite worked up when in fact everything is okay. You may react to something as though the worst case has already happened, because the world in your head is so real. But…it’s not. Don’t let yourself go off the rails of the crazy train without consulting someone on your advisory board.

14) Be you. INFP, you are amazing. You are kind and loving and gentle and sensitive and all of those sweet things. You are only like 4% of the population, but I wish there were so many more of you. You hold space for the rest of us to be as fucked up as we are, and you love us anyway. I just wish you would learn to love and accept yourself the way you love and accept us.

Source: http://millercounseling.blogspot.com.au/2015/12/how-to-be-happier-infp-tips-tools.html?m=1

[sigmaoath]

I have left the hell I was imprisoned in only to place myself in a prison that has become hell. There is no escape. I try to do right and end up in the darkness every time. Soothing words and cute cliche phrases that are the verbal comparison of a kitten hanging from a tree with an uplifting phrase fall deaf on my ears. I have tried. I have tried again. Then I tried again.

and again.

and again.

and again.

and every time it ends in a moment of success followed by much more failure.

I receded into the shadows and let others lead the journey but I see now that I must step forward and be the captain of the ship.

I cling to values and ethics but am quickly realizing the futility in this. I must tear the neck from those around me and take the feast I want from this world. Too long I have been “the nice guy” and overly patient. Too long I have allowed others to spit in my face. Too long I have listened to others tell me I am the bad guy or it is my fault when life chooses to batter me to the ground. Somehow it is always my fault. Too long I have sacrificed. Too long.

No more.

Nice guys truly do finish last. You cannot be “nice” and win a comfortable position in this life. What does it profit a man to gain the world and lose his soul? I do not want to lose my soul, but I cannot believe that to have that I must suffer horribly every single day until my final breaths. I cannot buy into the vision that God would play such a cruel joke. The joke of suffering sadness, loneliness, depression, financial despair, and struggle and being totally miserable during ones entire life just to finally reach the Pearl Gates and then be happy. I do not seek debauchery and indulgence on this earth. I simply seek happiness and the feeling of being safe and sound. The feeling of knowing I am financially covered, that I have a group of like minded people I enjoy being with as friends, and that I am truly living life to its fullest and making great memories. Nothing more than any of us want. Yet so many of us are denied this, no matter how hard we “try to do the right thing”. I am one of those. I always have been. I have fleeting moments of joy and brightness, always followed by crashing despair and depression. I have things happen that give me the false sense of “maybe things are finally turning around for me” and every.single.time. it is followed by failure and situation and humans who dash it to the ground with laughter.

So I’m done. I’m done trying to “be a good little boy”. I am not evil. I don’t seek harm on others. However, I no longer play by the rules and regulations forced upon me and ground into my brain all of my life. This time I have to do whatever is good for me. This time I have to go for what I want and leave everyone else in the ditch on the side of the road. I am not here to help. I am not here to be a hero. If it does not benefit me somehow, I am not interested. I always make everyone around me mad when I do anything. Now I do not care. I literally do not care what anybody thinks of me anymore. I have ALWAYS been a disappointment to others around me, so why should this be anything new? I keep trying to APPEASE everyone around me and it always ends in being taken advantage of, being spit at, being yelled at, and being cast out. So if that is the game and that is the way it is, then I will no longer take my beatings and just “try again the next day”. No. No more.

I am disgusted by society. I am disgusted by how humans act. The moments of kindness and love I see are always a drop in the ocean compared to the tidal wave of rotten, selfish, insensitive, and evil things I see people doing more and more every day. The lawmakers have gone insane. The world is changing for the worst. People have become nasty and vile little demons who commit the most heinous acts of villainy every single day and then broadcast it for the world to see. The world laughs, applauds, and shares it with others. It’s all a big joke to them. People are being destroyed and the world just laughs.

So while I do not seek to be EVIL by any means, I will take what I can from these people. I do not know how. I have no master plan of financial success. I have no path to changing how I feel and how I get treated. All I know is no more. It’s my turn to reach my hand in the cookie jar and TAKE, TAKE, TAKE. No more giving. I am taking. I have done nothing but give all of my life. Now it is time to be ruthless, cold, and driven to do what must be done. By any means necessary. Good boys don’t win. Good boys end up in dead end jobs being abused by their superiors because they know how desperate you are for a job to pay your bills and survive. They know they have you by the balls. Good boys end up in debt trying to stay ahead because they dont make enough to survive on, even if theyve worked as hard as they can and followed all the rules. Good boys end up alone with no real friends. Good boys end up going to sleep by 9pm on a weekend every time because even their partner isnt interested in them anymore. Good boys end up being forgotten in a nursing home because they ended up living an unspectacular life leaving no mark on the world. Good boys die with regret. Many will rail against this statement and call it false. They will give examples of good people that were successful. I can almost guarantee that those “good people” did less than savory things no one knew about to get an extra edge here and there in their climb to a comfortable place in life. Regardless, that is their life. Not mine. Kudos to them. It never worked for me. And all I care about now is ME.

i used to despise the “mememe” people. But those are the people that get the jobs. They get the promotions. They get the money. They get the awards. They get the free rides and winnings. They get the opportunities. They get the first place in line.

I have always given of myself and I always end up last. lost. disrespected. unappreciated. cheated on. cheated in general. laughed at. mocked. left out. held back as the toilet cleaning chump while everyone else is pushed forward to success with a letter of recommendation.

No more.

Yesterday while at work I finally just snapped. It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t even noticed. But in the middle of conversation about my situation, something in me broke. Usually I feel this way when I’ve just had enough, and I always come around later that day or by the end of the week. I felt it break this time. Whatever singular cord that remained that kept me a decent person just frayed and frayed and yesterday that final thread just quietly popped loose. I lost myself. Everything that I am is dead. It happened in a split second. I stopped the conversation, said, “it doesnt even matter”, and sat down. I took about 3 breaths and realized I was no longer the same. i will appear the same. I will still carry myself very similar to how I always have. I’m pretty sure of that. But I’m not the same. And no matter how much people are “worried about me”, this time I don’t care. OH WELL. People had ample opportunity to treat me decent and show me some common courtesy and respect. Don’t back pedal now that I’ve crossed over. It’s too late.

I broke yesterday and it changed me. I cannot survive like this. I wish a quiet and quick death every single day. I am not the type to bring it on myself but I wish for it. I see now that I am in the dark despair and hole I’m in for only a couple of reasons. One, I am sick and tired of struggle and that means I am tired of not having more than enough money to cover all of the pitfalls and problems that keep showering down on me. Secondly, I am tired of the disrespect. I am tired of being an outstanding human being who has given so much to others only to be pissed on and laughed at. All of my life. I am tired of working so very hard to finally do the right things and “be a responsible adult” only to have it go unappreciated when it is for others and marginalized when I announce my successes and goals reached. Truly, I have learned that most everybody out there are, well, selfish axxholes. I have been trying to please self centered narcissistic shxtheads. I have given and given and given to these parasites who will continue to take, take, take until they drain the very will to live from me. Because thats exactly where I am at. And if I dont change and become someone else, and walk a different path, I will be dead before long. I cannot take much more. I really cant. This life has been horrible. This life has been fleeting flashes of joy and happiness smothered by horrible situations and outcomes. People have become awful, gross, and disgusting things to me. I used to be so very outgoing and now I just want to shut the world out and have everything I need delivered just to avoid being in society. The ugliness of people has become a sickly, sweaty, acne covered, mucus dripping hug that wont let go when I step out into it. I watch people and I am physically sickened by how they act, how they treat each other, and how disgusting their mannerisms are. I am equally disgusted by how I personally get treated. So no, I dont believe I can survive here much longer if I don’t do something different. Because the old ways did not work. I am in pieces and have lost my will to live. I have lost my desire for hobbies, adventure, and laughter. I feel like the walking dead and the only emotion I have left is anger and rage. So no more. I don’t know how this is going to go.I don’t know “what to do”. I just know that yesterday I snapped and something that cannot be fixed and replaced broke. Today I realize I have to become a wolf among wolves. I have to fight my way to the front. No rallying battle music. No hero shot. No mighty knight overcoming his enemies for the win. Not that kind of fight. I have to rip the necks of those around me out. I have to do whatever is necessary to win. I have to start doing my own taking from people until i see what I want from this life. I have to stop worrying about other people and their feelings. I have to stop PROTECTING everyone around me. You’re on your own. Nobody ever reached a hand out for me when I was drowning (well, twice to be fair, but 2 out of THOUSANDS? Horrible odds.) so I am not here to save anyone else. Actually, most anytime I HAVE reached out to save others, somehow, yet again, I became the bad guy and people hated me. So sink for all I care. I am here for me now.

I will either win or I will die. One must come soon.

I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m done.

I’m finished with being nice. The line from the Batman movie rings so amazingly true to me today - “You either die the hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain”. I cannot sum it up any better. We grow up wanting to be Batman. When grow up though and go through dealing with people and life - we really start to sympathize with the Joker.

“ The Joker: Don't talk like one of them. You're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me! They need you right now, but when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper! You see, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these... these civilized people, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve.” I’m not crazy. I’m not “emotional”. I’m not a monster. I’m just tired of letting all of these “civilized people” eat me and my soul for their own worthless gains. Time to catch up and then get ahead of the curve. I have figured people out. And the result was not comforting or good. Humans are awful beings with sparks of decency, if at all. I’m tired of the bad guy always winning and I am left losing. I have zero agenda other than me winning. And I will take it by force if necessary. I will burn those around me if they deserve it (Again, I’m not evil. I’m not out to hurt innocent people). I will throw people under the bus. I will not be loyal to people who could care less if I died today. I am going to get what I can. I will be first in line. I will be first in life. I will snatch the candy from the baby if thats what it takes. Death to the paladin. It is time for the rogue.

I’m tired of being shxt on. No more.