#i basically know nothing about them but they have a playlist and i guess their name is richter

[lytorika]

I designed a character i think. maybe

[irisintheafterglow]

Heyy, van I get a suguru geto x reader based on this playlist pls? Creative freedom, I just enjoy the playlist and your writing

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLVNLTHYHuG3QRkaWiIAoNztVS2Ad51M3j&si=R_K3McCdTLK9Vc3H

tell me that you love me, love me till my lips turn blue

summary: for the first time in what feels like forever, you're paired with suguru on a mission. he gets...distracted.

wc: 1.13k

cw/tags: best friends to lovers, some language, canon-typical violence, mutual pining, suguru is the #1 lovesick idiot when you're not around, a little suggestive toward the end but nothing explicit

note: HIII you always have the best requests!! this is short and sweet but i was listening to the playlist nonstop while i was writing and oh MAN was it an experience. like ok powerful reader and powerful bf duo with doja playing in the background?? and then a good ol' makeout session at the end? delicious. hope you like this, thank you for your ask!!!

likes, reblogs, and replies are always appreciated :)

“They’re practically lining up, hmm?”

“Guess they’re excited,” you smile contemptuously at the Curse syndicate in front of you, all seven of the most wanted Jujutsu defectors this side of the prime meridian. Your partner on the mission huffs out an incredulous breath and you see him scowl out of the corner of your eye. “Do you need a–”

“Yeah,” he mutters and you wordlessly hand him the black hair tie from your wrist. You always kept extras when you were working together because he was sure to lose the one he brought; it was basically tradition, at this point. “You wanna take this round while I fix my hair?” 

“Sure, be right back,” you say carefreely as you shoot him a wink over your shoulder. He rolls his eyes lightheartedly at your antics and you decide to show off a little bit. Let’s gamble…25%. You stretch your limbs from side to side before raising a hand, sharply pulling it into a fist when you latch onto the energy signatures of the group in front of you. With such a low gamble, the effect of the additional energy is instantaneous; a quarter of the energy for every enemy in front of you basically over-replenished your own reserve. With the supplemental energy and your opponents temporarily stunned from the energy-theft, you send a single arc across the entire group and render them on the verge of unconsciousness. You mentally kick your technique up to 80% and absorb the remaining Cursed energy, leaving the syndicate groaning and incapacitated. After texting the higher-ups to dispatch a cleaning crew, you check on Suguru’s progress with taming his unruly hair. “You good?”

“Mmm, yeah. Just gimme a little longer,” he says absentmindedly, pulling his hair back over and over again until he’s satisfied with it. “I don’t know why I’m bothering with this, since the mission’s basically over. On paper, at least.” 

“Any idea where that last defector went?”

“I sent out a few Curses to go find him, but chances are he’s long gone by now. Satoru will probably end up catching him.”

“Oh, he’s gonna be so mad that he has to, you know, do his job,” you joke and he chuckles softly under his breath. It sounds like sunshine. “Any hard feelings that you didn’t get to save the day?”

“The opposite, actually,” he corrects and the look he gives you has your face burning. “I’m happy I got to see you in action. It’s not often that we’re paired together.”

“I know, and I’m sure you miss your awesome, amazing, gorgeous, talented best friend.” Your elbow knocks against his bicep and he shoulder bumps yours in response.   

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he drawls, waving a dismissive hand and your jaw drops in fake displeasure. “Just admit you missed me, already.”

“Not if you won’t admit it first,” you reply nonchalantly, in stark contrast to the increasing rhythm of your heartbeat. You were walking the ledge of that dangerous cliffside again, on the verge of completely falling for your best friend without knowing shit about his own feelings. It was selfish, allowing yourself to love him, but you couldn’t find the motivation to stop. “Let’s get out of this shithole; I’m craving some of that taiyaki we saw earlier on the–” 

Your words are abruptly cut short by Suguru’s hand gently but firmly covering your mouth while the other hand tugs you into a dark nook of the cave. He quietly shushes you and glances in the direction of the footsteps approaching from around the corner. You don’t focus on anything he’s trying to tell you, though, because your mind is short-circuiting from his proximity and the fact that he hasn’t taken his hand away from your arm. In fact, whether consciously or not, his fingers rub little circles onto your skin and your vision becomes a little starry. You weren’t sure if the affection was to relieve his anxiety or yours, but you sure weren’t complaining.

“Stay here, yeah?” He briefly takes his hand away from your mouth but doesn’t go far, repositioning it beside your head due to the cramped space he’d pulled you into. He’s close enough that you can feel his breath, minty from the gum he stole from you in the car. 

“Where are you going?” 

“Gonna take care of that last asshat out there and then come back and,” he inhales, eyes flicking down to your lips for a nearly imperceptible moment, “probably do something stupid.” Before you have the chance to ask what he means, he slips away and you hear the sound of faint rumblings. Chunks of rock crumble on the floor, the thuds mixing with distant pleads for mercy. The iridescent scales of Suguru’s dragon cast rainbows on the walls in the dim light and, before you know it, he’s back in the corner with you, slightly more flushed but just as handsome as minutes prior. “Miss me?”

“Cocky asshole,” you mutter half-heartedly, absolutely sure that he could hear your blood pounding in your ears from sheer adrenaline. He looked intoxicating, staring at you so intensely that your knees were buckling against the wall. The tension was suffocating in the stuffy, dusty atmosphere and your impatience reared its ugly head. “Well?”

“Well,” he breathes, unable to tear his eyes away from your face. 

“You gonna do that stupid thing yet or not?”

“I’m thinking about it,” he admits quietly, one hand brushing the side of your cheek tenderly. “Can I–”

“Stop thinking and just do it, Suguru. I’m not getting any younger–oh,” you murmur, melting into him when he grabs your chin and kisses you with pure devotion. His hand against the wall next to your head turns into his forearm when you pull him as close to you as humanly possible, the other finding your hip and drawing more of those infuriatingly loving circles. When you finally break away long enough to catch your breath, his lips stay on your skin, pressing feather-light kisses to your cheek, neck, and anywhere he could reach. When he finds your ear, he whispers the sweetest little promises that make your head spin. 

“I would die for you, you know,” he says in a low tone that you want to bottle up and inject into your veins. “I miss you so much when you’re out on missions; it drives me out of my mind.”

“I gotcha,” you grin and he raises a sharp eyebrow in question. “I got you to admit you miss me.” 

“Time for you to keep up your end of the deal, sweetheart.” His forehead rests against yours and he lets you greedily pull him even closer, humming when you pull the tie loose and card your fingers through his hair. “Say you missed me too.”

“Mmm. I missed you too, you love sick fool.”

“Takes one to know one, pretty.”

hear that? yeah that's me barking

[hauntingkiki]

some venture headcannons that i came up with!

i hope you guys enjoy!

Some Basic Head-cannons

Venture x Reader Headcannons

Overwatch

2nd POV

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

- they go by they/he pronouns, but mainly use they/them! (amab)

- they have a few cuts/scars from exploring and from the fights while at overwatch

- they listen to just about anything. goth rock? they have a playlist for it. country? turn the volume up!

- they have dimples! the one of their left side is more prominent than the one on their right :3

- since they speak spanish, if they forget a word in english, they'll say it in spanish so it's like a guessing game to figure out what they're saying (unless you also speak spanish)

- the words that they forget are recurring words, like they'll forget the word spaghetti in english, so they made a list of the spanish word and the english definition next to it. (it's your life saver)

- they've very clingy! but not in the bad way, like, they like to show you off around their coworkers! ex. holding your hand, an arm wrapped around your shoulders/waist, kisses on the check, forehead, nose, lips, hands :}

- if you're the one to kiss/give them attention in front of their coworkers, they easily get flustered and will not shut up about the interaction.

"oh! hana wants to show me something really quick! i'll be back, sloan!" *kisses their cheeks and walks off with hana*

*very flustered* "he...hehe...did you see that? i love my girlfriend/partner so much."

"yes, venture, we saw it."

"she's/they're so pretty."

- will randomly quote a line from a song out of nowhere.

"baby, we can do it, take the time, do it right. bum, bum, bam."

"what was that, sloan?"

"NOTHING!"

- has the coolest rock collection you have ever seen. in your shared bedroom, their side of the room is all rocks, sketches they made while exploring and work related stuff while your side is just all of your interests

- proud 24/7 yapper

- ^ will just talk about work, overwatch/his colleagues, random facts they know/learned

- while the two of you eat dinner, you two will have a yap fest where you just talk about random things! (work, interests, drama, or whatever pops into your heads!)

- they love to paint rocks and gift them to you out of the blue, so you have a small, but growing, collection of painted rocks by your truly

- they used to draw a lot when they were younger, but since they do more rock/structure drawings, their human sketches are a little rough but they will ALWAYS use you in order to improve

- they will paint their nails your favorite color and you will paint your their favorite color, but on your ring fingers, you'll have your favorite color and they'll have their favorite color

- matching tattoos with you :D

- they have some kind of autism, so when they get excited, they'll crack their knuckles, flap their hands around, tap/stomp their feet!

- when you both go to sleep, they'll take all the blankets and hog the whole bed.

"why weren't you in bed when i woke up?"

"hun, you took the whole bed."

"...no i didn't?"

they only do this if they had a long day at work (which is very rare surprisingly)

- apparently them eating rocks is cannon?!😭 but i think they'd also eat those candy rocks, and they LEARNED how to make them at home.

- has a HUGE ASS JAR of rocks and candy rocks.

you took one once and it was an actual rock. (thankfully you didn't chip a tooth unlike sloan)

- they rarely curse, but if they get overwhelmed/overstimulated they'll just shout a random curse word and everyone knows that you are needed immediately.

"ffffFFUCKK!!"

"WHERES Y/N?! SOMEONE GO GET Y/N IMMEDIATELY!"

- they want to get their tongue and ears pierced but is surprisingly scared of needles, so they're holding off the appointments (for some reason it's only piercing needles, they have no problem with tattoo needles)

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

please request i need stuff to do☹️

[f1goat]

into it x lando norris + part nine

In which you really, really dislike your brothers new found best friend - Lando Norris - but you keep finding your way back to him

masterlist - playlist

part one part two part three part four part five part six part seven part eight

You haven’t spoken with Lando since he kissed you and then left you in the hotel hallway. You haven’t even seen him since then. Normally the boy is over at yours and Charles apartment all the time. He hasn’t been around once. Charles is away more, you guess that he and Lando are spending their time together at another place lately. You still need to talk to Charles about everything that happened. You want his advise. Mainly since it seems like Lando is ignoring you lately. You have texted Lando a couple times after that day, but he didn’t respond to any of them. You mainly just wanted to talk with him, but his non exiting reactions are showing you that he isn’t interested in that. Why would he kiss with you to ignore you afterwards? It confuses you, but it annoys you even more.

Since Lando kissed you, you have been a lot more certain about your feelings for him. That kiss made everything clear for you. You don’t dislike Lando. You sometimes do wish that you dislike him, it would have made many things way easier. But that’s not the case. You like him. Now that the realization has hit you, you also realize that it has been a long time. These feelings aren’t new. Since you realize them, you also see why you thought you didn’t like Lando. It was probably some sort of self defense. Why would you allow yourself to like a boy who only fucks around? 

You walk downstairs, hopefully Charles will be around today and you can finally talk to him about everything that has happened. You really need some advice. Normally you wouldn’t go to Charles for good advice, but since he knows Lando this well you don’t see any other option. 

There’s still a lot vague for you and Charles needs to help you with that. The main thing is Lando his confusing behavior from the last days. 

“Charles?” You ask while you walk into the living room. You look around and notice that he isn’t around. There’s nobody to answer your questions. Once again. Last days have gone exactly like this. You let out a sigh and text your brother, asking him where he is and when he will be home. In a few seconds you know that he is with Lando and that he will be home after dinner. So basically, you still have no idea when he will be home. 

Annoyed you throw your phone away. Only to pick it up seconds later. You send another text to Charles. 

Y/N: I really do need to talk to you

Charles: about what?

Y/N: Lando

Y/N: Can you be home on time tonight? 

Charles: Okay, I’ll try to be home around 8

Y/N: Thanks

You decide to go out the house. You need some fresh air and distraction. While walking around you grab your purse and jacket. It doesn’t take you long to decide to go for a small shopping session. Quickly you head out. 

+++

Charles lets out a sigh. He should have noticed that you wanted to talk to him. He should have noticed that something happened between you and Lando, that caused Lando to change their regular scheme. Normally Lando is over at his apartment all the time, now they have been spending their time at Lando his apartment or in the center of Monaco. He feels stupid for not asking about it earlier. 

“So, what happened between you and Y/N?” Charles asks.

Lando is surprised by the sudden question. How is he suppose to answer this? What does Charles already know? 

“Uh, what did Y/N say?” 

“Nothing. I haven’t seen her a lot lately, but now she wants to talk with me about you, so I figured something happened,” Charles explains. “So just tell me how you fucked it up, how you still want to date my sister and how we can fix it.” 

Lando lets the words repeat themself in his mind. Does Charles know about his feelings? Does Charles accept them? It seems like it. Why would he otherwise say they would fix it? 

“You know?” Lando asks even surprised. 

“Do you think I’m stupid?” Charles laughs, “It’s not hard to miss Lando. You have been crushing on my sister since the beginning.” 

“Why didn’t you say anything about it?” Lando asks confused. 

“Why didn’t you? You kept hooking up with other girls and after that you lied about hooking up with others,” Charles mutters a bit frustrated, “but I didn’t intervene, I thought you knew what you were doing. Although the last days have proven me wrong.”

“Fuck. Let me explain,” Lando says. 

Charles gives him a simple nod, waiting for him to explain. 

“She doesn’t like me,” Lando starts, “so I thought it would be better to ignore my feelings. But I fucked that up.. I might have kissed her after the morning after we went out.”

“So?” Charles asks. He doesn’t really get it. You like Lando as well, right? So why is it a bad thing that the two of you kissed. 

“So after that I said sorry and left,” Lando explains, “and I have been ignoring her since. I really need to forget about her and if I’m around her all the time then I can’t.”

“Why do you need to forget her?” Charles asks confused.

“Because she doesn’t like me,” Lando sighs. 

“Did she slap you after you kissed her? Did she seem angry?” Charles asks.

“Uh, no,” Lando answers.

“Then you’re an idiot. If she didn’t like it that you were kissing her, she would have let you known.” 

“But still, she doesn’t like me,” Lando states.

Charles lets out a deep sigh. Is his friend really this stupid? Does he need to spell it out for him? Lando is staring down at the floor in the mean time. He feels ashamed for his behavior from the last days.

“Look Lando,” Charles starts a bit doubtful, “I will be honest with you and tell you that I don’t know if she likes you, she hasn’t told me. But I do think that she likes you.” Charles takes a breath before continuing. “When I told her to stop wearing that Alpine shirt, she didn’t listen. You’ve spoken to her about it for like ten minutes and she came back in a Quadrant shirt. It’s not like it’s better to wear anyone else’s merch, but she did chose for you at that moment. And don’t forget that she’s the one that found you after the race, I couldn’t find you and it took her only fifteen minutes or so,” Charles explains, “and I can go on about this. I can tell you about her jealousy of Maddie, because she didn’t catch your lies. Or about how fast she noticed that you weren’t laying on the couch with her anymore. But you need to fix this Lando.” 

“I do,” Lando sighs, “but I don’t know how. I’ve been a dick.”

“Yeah, that’s nothing new for her. Just come clean, tell her everything,” Charles suggests. 

“I think she’s too mad at me now,” Lando tells Charles, “I shouldn’t have ignored her. Fuck.” 

“We’ll find a way to fix it,” Charles tries to comfort Lando. When he looks at his friend, it isn’t hard to notice the desperate look he has.

“I don’t think so.”

+++

“So you like him?” Charles asks you. 

The past twenty minutes you have been explaining to Charles what has happened with Lando lately. You have told him everything. Starting from that time you apologized and the spent the same night in Lando his bed because you forgot your key and ending with the kiss you and Lando shared, but how he ignored you since. Charles didn’t say much between your story. Now that you think of it, this is probably the first question he asks since you have been explaining. 

“Yeah,” you tell Charles, it almost pains you to come clean about it. You feel ashamed for it. Lando was probably just playing with you, like he does with any other girl, and you fell for it. “I know it’s stupid,” you continue to tell Charles, “but I actually thought I meant something for him, you know? But I know now that it’s nothing like that. I will just forget about it..”

Charles lets out a big sigh. He knew Lando would be dumb, but he didn’t know you would be on the exact same annoying level. The two of you really deserve each other he thinks tiredly. 

“Do you think Lando kissed you because he doesn’t like you or?” Charles asks you. 

“Maybe he only did it to get back at Pierre,” you suggest, “I know there’s something between them, but I have no idea what.” 

Before Charles can talk the idea out of your head, you’re already talking further. 

“Or maybe he just did it to prove to himself he can have anyone,” you suggest, “That’s pretty fuckboyish. He’s a player after all.” 

“Maybe he just wanted to get back at me,” you go on with suggesting, “It’s not like I have been very nice towards him. Maybe he thought I deserved this?” 

“Maybe-“ you want to start another sentence, but Charles is quick to interrupt you. “Maybe he likes you as well, but is just as stupid as you about confessing it to each other,” Charles says. 

“No,” you tell Charles, “don’t give me any hope. I’ll just forget that this has ever happened.” 

You decide to walk away from Charles, not in the mood to continue the conversation. You know that Charles means it in a good way, but you can’t afford it to give yourself hope when you need to forget about Lando. Within a minute you’re standing in your room. 

In the mean time is Charles standing hopelessly in the living room. He sighs for the millionth time today. How is he suppose to fix this? 

+++

That night you can’t fall asleep. You’ve blocked Lando his number. You don’t want to bring yourself to the temptation to text him again. You need to forget about him. A notification from Instagram pops up. Apparently Pierre left a comment on your new Instagram post. You head over to the app. Pierre has commented a simple pink heart. A mean plan forms itself in your head. You don’t think twice, you comment a blue heart to Pierre his comment. 

What you don’t know, is that somewhere else in Monaco, Lando is laying in the almost same position as you. He tried calling multiple times tonight. He has send you multiple messages. But it’s pretty clear what has happened. You have blocked him. He realizes it, but his fingers can’t stop typing messages. His mind won’t shut up before he has send all the messages.

Lando: we need to talk

Lando: you’ve blocked me

Lando: fuck y/n

Lando: I like you

Lando: I thought you were mad at me for kissing you

Lando stops messaging you for a bit to send Charles a text. He doesn’t need to ask how it went when Charles talked to you. The fact that he is block, tells him enough. He quickly sends Charles a text to ask if he can asks you to unblock him. 

You’re staring at your phone screen. Charles just texted you that Lando send him multiple text about you unblocking him. Should you unblock Lando? You can’t imagine that’s a smart move to make. But, why is he asking you to do so? Your finger hoovers above the button on your screen. Should you? Annoyed you throw your phone away, letting it land somewhere on your bed. What a mess have you gotten yourself into. 

Lando: please talk to me

Lando: y/n? 

Lando throws his phone off him. This has no use. He’s blocked and it will probably stay like that for a while. He sighs. This is hopeless. He needs to get your attention someway. He picks up his phone again. Quickly heading over to the Instagram app. 

The first thing he sees on his homepage is a new picture of you. It seems like it’s from this afternoon. You’re holding a shopping bag and are standing in front of the store. Lando can’t look away from the picture. You’re face is a bit hidden behind some loose strands of your hair. He wishes he could see it. He scrolls a bit more and reads some of the reactions. It doesn’t take him long to spot a certain one. He lets out an annoyed sigh when he sees the reaction of Pierre. Then he sees your reaction on it. What is this? 

“Fuck!” He says loudly. 

He likes your photo. He wants to show you that he has seen the interaction between you and Pierre. He even reacts an orange heart to the thread of reactions. He quickly sends Charles a text, asking him to join his reaction. Maybe that way no one will think that you’re dating Pierre. He would hate it if that’s what people are thinking. He will hate it even more if that’s true.

What if you have used him all this time? What if this is just another sick joke from Pierre? Is this Pierre showing him that he can still have anyone he wants? 

You have picked up your phone again. You have seen Lando his reaction on your post. It causes you to head over to his contact once again. This time you actually press unblock. 

Lando: you’re the worst if you’re actually dating Pierre now

Of course, the first message you get is Lando talking about Pierre. 

Lando: was everything some kind of sick joke?

Lando: fuck unblock me we need to talk

Lando: we really need to talk

Y/N: I guess we do.

Lando almost drops his phone. Since when did you unblock him? 

Lando: When? 

Y/N: Idk, when are you free?

Lando: now

Lando: I can pick you up?

Y/N: I’m ready in 15 minutes

Lando: omw

Lando: i can’t wait to see you

You let out a small scoff when you read Lando his latest message. Can’t wait to see you? If that was true he should have come earlier. Why would he ignore you then? You get out of your bed, searching around for some clothes to wear. You also pick up the Quadrant shirt that Lando lend you before, you fold it up to give it back. 

“Charles, I’m leaving!” 

Charles is quick to walk over to your room. He asks you for an explanation. You explain. Then you hear the door bell. Fuck, you’re not ready yet. You quickly put on a crop top and a legging. This should do. You grab your phone and head to the door. 

When you open the door, it isn’t the one who you were expecting. 

“Hey babygirl,” Pierre greets you. 

You turn around, searching for your brother. Maybe he invited him? You yell for Charles. Charles is quick to show up next to you. But he also didn’t invite Pierre. 

“You’re kidding me,” Lando scoffs. You turn around back towards the door. Fuck, you hoped that Lando would miss this. “Is this some sort of sick joke?” Lando asks, “What is he doing here Y/N?”

“I’m picking her up for our date night,” Pierre states boldly. 

“Oh fuck off,” you sigh, “Lan I don’t know why he’s here. I didn’t invite him and neither did Charles. Can we go now?” 

“Go where?” Pierre asks. 

You don’t know what have gotten into you when you answer Pierre. “Lando is here to pick me up for our date night. We’re going to his apartment, see some movies and all that,” you tell Pierre. 

Lando doesn’t know what to think anymore. What is happening? Why doesn’t he understand any of it? He feels how you grab his hand en pull him with you towards his car. Lando is quick to follow you, but he still feels vague. He doesn’t know what’s happening and it is confusing him. When he’s sitting behind the steering wheel of his McLaren, he looks at you. He notices the sleepless and sad look you’re carrying. 

“If you don’t want to talk it’s fine,” Lando tells you, “You can go back to get some sleep or for your date night with Pierre? We can always talk later.” 

“You don’t get it,” you tell Lando, “There’s nothing between me and Pierre. I don’t know why he’s standing there. I only opened the door because I thought it was you. I don’t want anything to do with Pierre. Now drive. We’re going to talk.”

“There is nothing between you and Pierre?” Lando asks. He needs to hear it again. And probably ten times more after everything he thought earlier today. But in the mean time, he does start the car. 

“Lan,” you continue, “I promised you remember? I haven’t seen him since that night. I don’t know what he was doing at the door. That’s why I called Charles. I’m not dating Pierre. I’m not seeing him and I don’t want to.”

“Thank god for that,” Lando says relieved.

part ten

[ofthecaravel]

Heaven In Time

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3: Bleeding Hearts, Angel Voices

Danny Wagner x Sam Kiszka

Summary: The last supper. Or is it?

Tags: Religious trauma, hella guilt tripping/mentions of religious upbringing, internalized homophobia, sliiiiiight slut shaming, sibling fighting, slight sauciness

Words: 10k

A/N: As promised, here's the playlist, as well as the last chapter of this little series. Thank you all so much for being so sweet about it and I'm so happy you liked it!! Tell me all your thoughts!!! OH also, I'm aware that only Catholic priests really wear clerical collars, but I decided to include it because Josh is dramatic and would think it looks cute. Okay enjoy

~~

“This is it?”

“Yup.”

“Wow. Somewhere along the way you failed to mention that it’s absolutely gorgeous.”

“It’s practically sinking into the lake, Dan.”

Already crabby, Sam really wanted to be able to trash the house looming in front of them. But for all its ghosts and lonely corners, Sam couldn’t write off the fact that his childhood home (and Jake’s new permanent place of residence, apparently) was and had always been a sight to behold. It wasn’t particularly flashy with its modest white paneling having been frayed by weather and stained with mildew, and it certainly wasn’t modern by any means. However, with the silver maples conspiring around it and a lakeside view from the bottom of the hill it rested on, the house with all its flaws and farmhouse style charm was enough to make Danny’s eyes widen. 

“I didn’t know my parents had moved,” Sam noted softly, heart racing as he observed his brothers’ cars in the driveway and wondered where his dad’s station wagon was parked now. 

“I’m sure Jake will fill you in on everything,” Danny assured Sam as he parked next to Jake’s crappy Volvo. He cut the engine and studied Sam’s apprehensive expression out of the corner of his eye, selfishly hoping that Sam would call the whole thing off and they could drive off towards the loving embrace of Danny’s own childhood home just beyond the state border. He knew his parents and sister would absolutely adore Sam, but he wasn’t sure that Sam’s brothers would welcome him as readily.

“Okay,” Sam blurted, smacking his hands against his thighs and letting out a fast exhale. “Quick overview before we go in.”

“Right,” Danny nodded. Honestly, he could use a refresher. It was always a struggle to get Sam to talk about his family like this.

“Josh is the oldest,” Sam started, beginning his list of points by marking them on his fingers. “Technically. He’s older than Jake by, like, I don’t remember, a couple of minutes. Super friendly, loud as fuck, took up my dad’s pastoral duties after he got deep into the televangelist bullshit that I’m sure he’s still doing now. He was a natural, of course, given that there’s nothing he loves more than the sound of his own voice.”

“Harsh.”

“Dude, trust me. You’ll get what I mean. Anyways, you’ve met Jake. Sort of. He’s very…passionate, which you’ve seen. Kind of hot headed, very one track minded. He basically runs the whole ministry from the shadows, even when Dad was still pastor. Josh gives the go ahead, but Jake’s the organizer. He’s busy 24/7 and has been since they were, like, 12.”

“Doesn’t sound very sustainable,” Danny commented. Sam let out a laugh and shook his head.

“It is not,” Sam agreed bitterly. “But he likes barking orders and playing puppet master, so I guess it works for him. And, I mean, school and youth group pretty much taught us that there was no other way for us to live other than doing church shit all day every day, so I can’t say I’m surprised he turned out this way.”

“Pretty relentless, huh?”

“Yup. Especially when your dad’s running aforementioned church and giving you shit for doing anything, I don’t know, childlike? Or for just enjoying stuff?”

“Definitely explains why Jake was such a dick about your cute ‘fit,” Danny said. “Those values trickle down if you let them, I guess. I still don’t think you had to change, by the way.”

“I definitely did,” Sam muttered, looking down at the plain jeans he’d pulled from his suitcase and the thin flannel he’d buttoned over his chest after their backseat tryst. “Josh would’ve lost his shit. No way he’d go full ‘Ooh, look at me, I’m a man of God and that means I get to preach with corporal punishment’ route, but he’d sure as hell think about it if I showed up in those shorts.”

“Baby,” Danny lamented, heart sinking as he watched Sam fiddle with a button while wearing a sullen expression. “We don’t have to do this.”

“I want to,” Sam insisted, reaching for Danny’s hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “For, you know, closure.”

“Okay,” Danny relented, still hesitant but trusting in Sam to know when enough is enough.

“Okay,” Sam echoed. “Okay. Okay, let’s do this.”

Sam pulled Danny in for a quick kiss of courage, bounced once in his seat, let out a nervous sound and then threw open the door and climbed out. Danny chuckled and got out, locking up the truck and watching with adoration as Sam shuffled towards the peeling front steps. 

-

“One second!”

The voice came booming through the rattling front door after Sam had given it a timid knock to the beat of three. Almost instantly, Sam’s nerves flared with electrifying panic and he spun to face Danny.

“Actually,” Sam declared in a rushed, reedy tone. “Fuck this, let’s go.”

“What?”

Before Sam could drag Danny down the stairs and bail harder than anyone has ever bailed before, the door swung open with a melodramatic bang and then there was Josh. Danny could immediately see the startling resemblance between him and Jake, but there was something particularly unique about Josh that immediately set him apart. Danny assessed his tidy curls and the clerical collar nestled snugly at the base of his neck and knew it must be these physical differences, but he stood there puzzling nonetheless. Josh’s face was lit up with a plasticine cheer that seemed to be his resting expression, but at the sight of his deserter younger brother turning to him like a deer in the headlights, his face morphed into uncharacteristic shock. Once again, Danny stood in awkward silence as the useless mediator. This time around he had the good sense to step to the side before the situation devolved.

“Oh,” Josh said simply, his graceful hands rising to cup at the sides of Sam’s face with practiced theatrics. “Oh, praise be to God. Sammy. You’re okay.”

“I’m okay,” Sam repeated, already faltering under Josh’s fiery gaze. “Hi.”

“I can’t believe it,” Josh breathed, tears glittering in his eyes as he shook his head with wonder. “I just can’t even believe it’s really you. It is, right? Or are you some agent of the Lord sent to test my faith in His protection of you?”

“Pretty sure He’s not worried about your faith, Josh,” Sam muttered, grasping Josh’s wrists and lowering them. “I’ve been protected just fine. It’s me, I swear.”

“Thank God,” Josh blubbered, throwing his arms around Sam and pulling him into a crushing hug. Despite it all, Sam accepted it gratefully, crossing his arms behind Josh’s back and holding him just as hard. This was the reunion he’d been dreading the most, but his shame was temporarily assuaged in the comfort of his brother’s embrace.

Danny kept his silence as they hugged, but eventually Josh caught his eye and appeared to register that there was someone on the porch other than Sam for the first time.

“I’m sorry, I’m being rude,” Josh began after he let Sam go, wiping a tear with the heel of his palm and presenting his other hand to Danny. “I didn’t catch your name.”

“Danny,” Danny introduced himself, giving Josh a firm handshake and smiling nervously. Even though so few words had been exchanged, Danny had to admit that it was enough to feel that Josh’s presence could quickly become overwhelming.

“Daniel,” Josh grinned, pleased. “I assure you our home tonight will be no den of lions.”

“Of course,” Danny smiled, completely disbelieving of Josh’s sentiment. “Pretty sure that was revealed to me in one of my many visions. …That is what Daniel did in the Bible, right?”

Josh’s laugh erupted out of his chest and he clapped Danny on the arm with an approving grip. Sam shared a look of surprised amusement with Danny, whose shoulders flickered with a shrug as Josh came down from his laughing fit.

“Good man,” Josh wheezed. “Ah, that’s funny. Am I right in assuming you’re Sammy’s companion in the travels I’m sure he’s had? The travels I simply cannot wait to hear about?”

“Correct.”

“I’m happy to hear it,” Josh beamed, flashing his wide smile back on Sam. “I knew this would happen, you know. That He’d send you a guardian angel to watch over you. I prayed for it.”

“I’m truly blessed,” Sam agreed, giving Danny a private, bashful smile while Josh became temporarily distracted by propping open the door.

“That you are,” Josh professed, gesturing into the house as he crossed the threshold again. “All of us are, really. Now I don’t want to keep you waiting on this drafty old porch, please, come in, come in.”

Josh went in first, flying ahead of Danny and Sam as the door closed behind them and the house swallowed them whole. 

“Here we go,” Sam whispered, nearly inaudible. Josh guided them, humming and singing under his breath as he reached to graze his fingers against the walls of the hallway lined with crosses of all sizes and finish.

“It’s going good so far,” Danny whispered back. “He likes me.”

“Wait ‘til he finds out what kind of guardian angel you are,” Sam murmured. Danny flushed and snaked his arm behind Sam and gave him a pinch on his side, only inches away from the situationally appropriate angel wings messily inked on Sam’s lower back. 

Sam bit back a muffled squeak and smacked Danny in the arm. He was ready to send another flirty whisper his way, but when they emerged in the kitchen, Sam froze up once again at the sight of Jake stationed at the stove. Jake’s hair had been relieved of its outdated ponytail and skirted over his shoulders in messy waves, swaying with motion as he tended to a pan.

“When you said surprise guests, I was certainly not expecting a surprise like this!” Josh cried, shaking Jake by the shoulder. “You drive me nuts.”

“You drive me nuts, it seemed only fair,” Jake smiled. “I’m surprised you saw me come home acting the way I was and didn’t immediately know Sam had something to do with it.”

Sam let out an offended little exhale from his nose and Jake finally regarded him and Danny, renewed tension stretching between them all as he gave them a curt, impersonal nod.

“You really came,” Jake noted plainly, gaze lingering on Sam before turning back to the stovetop, pushing sizzling green tomatoes around the skillet.

“You invited us,” Sam reminded him, cautiously approaching and watching him work. “Enthusiastically, actually. Is this Grandma’s recipe?”

“Yup,” Jake answered flatly, still refusing eye contact as the oil snapped and leaped when he flipped the tomatoes.

“It smells divine,” Danny piped up. Jake gave him a side eye that Danny honored with a nervous, polite smile, but Jake ultimately shut him down with empty air. 

“It’s all divine in this house,” Josh followed up dreamily. 

“Well, hopefully it doesn’t taste like ‘disappointment’,” Jake muttered pettily, bringing up Sam’s words from the gas station. Sam sighed and took a step back from Jake, who filled his space by moving from the pan to open the oven, poking noisily at a covered tray. 

“Come on, Jake,” Sam groaned. “We come in peace. I don’t want to fight with you anymore.”

“And I don’t want this catfish to char,” Jake countered. “Scoot.”

“I’ve scooted, thanks,” Sam frowned, taking another step back. “Why are you acting like we’re showing up uninvited? You literally asked us to come.”

“Hey, what has gotten into you two?” Josh interjected, finally absorbing his twin’s clipped tone. “We should be celebrating. And we have company, so if you could save us all the trouble of picking apart your rude semantics, that would be lovely. I mean, honestly.”

Jake let out a huff and continued working to pull dinner together, plunging the kitchen into icy silence as Sam sneered at the floor to prevent any tears from creeping up on him. Danny wanted nothing more than to hoist him up and carry him out of the house, but he watched helplessly as Josh came over to Sam and gently pulled him out of the room.  

“You two can hash it out later, okay?” Josh whispered, and Sam nodded as they crossed the threshold into the wood paneled dining room. The dining table was set with four crisp placemats, all of them centered in the middle of the table under the flowering hands of the chandelier. It was odd for Sam to see, considering he’d never known the table to be set without a placemat at the head of the table for his father. 

“Sorry,” Sam apologized, falling into old habits. “We ran into Jake at a gas station and it ended…weird. You know he can be kind of-”

“Snippy?” Josh finished for him, pulling out a bundle of cutlery from a drawer. “Righteous? Yes, he can be. Lord knows I know. He’s working on it. Been working on a lot since you left, actually. Some days I swear he out prays me.”

“When did Mom and Dad move?” Sam asked, changing the conversation while robotically accepting and laying down silverware as Josh handed it to him.

“Two months ago,” Josh replied nonchalantly. “Turns out Dad’s broadcast made its way to Nebraska and amassed a following there, so they picked up to be closer to his flock.”

“Nebraska?” Sam exclaimed, nearly dropping the bundle of forks in his hand. He swallowed the revelation with a shiver of relief and an equally strong wave of grief, no doubt felt by the lonely little boy he carried inside him. Sam realized with blank shock that there was a very good chance he would never see his parents again.

“So, what, they just up and left?”

“Yeah…”

“For Nebraska?”

 Danny walked in then, unable to withstand Jake’s angry clanging for another minute.

“What’s in Nebraska?” Danny asked innocently. 

“Our parents,” Josh explained with a weak smile. “I trust Sam’s told you about our Dad’s post preaching venture?”

“A little,” Danny lied. He’d heard plenty about what the Kiszka patriarch had been up to since retiring and passing on the torch of preacher to his oldest son: good ol’ American televangelism, complete with the incensed ramblings and an addiction to being on screen. From what he heard from Sam, this came at the cost of quality time with his family. Sam had assured him the blow was softened significantly considering they’d all been fruitlessly clamoring for his affection for their entire lives and were long accustomed to the scraps they’d been dealt.  

“I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised,” Sam laughed flatly, shooting Josh a knowing look. “Lord knows Dad has the means to afford it.”

“Oh, here we go. I don’t want to hear your conspiracy theories, Sammy,” Josh replied sternly. “I have faith that every drop of his viewer’s donations go right to the Convention.”

“Right,” Sam muttered. “Just like the college fund did.”

Josh stiffened, bright eyes suddenly cast in shadow as he set a glass down on the table. Danny’s eyebrows silently rose in curiosity. He’d never heard mention of college.

“Always the firecracker, Sammy,” Josh said with a brusque laugh, recovering with shocking speed and slipping his cheerful mask back on with ease. Sam rolled his eyes and carried on doling out glasses and napkins, but Danny found Josh’s abrupt mirth disturbing and studied him from where he leaned in the doorway. Danny had felt quite certain in his assessment of Jake when they’d met, but with Josh, he couldn’t quite pin what it was about him that kept Danny’s attention.

-

Dinner had gone off without a hitch, much to the surprise of everyone at the table. There was a bit of a rough start when a chilly direction from Jake had Danny positioned at the seat farthest from Sam, one that also conveniently faced the portrait of Jesus on the wall. But after they’d all sat down, Josh had led them in a tearful round of grace praising Sam’s safe return and then insisted on hearing every single detail of their cross country journey. Knowing that “every single detail” would send both his siblings into cardiac arrest, Sam had regaled them with only the most entertaining stories. Danny felt his heart swelling in his chest watching Sam settle into his natural element, rolling his wrists in the air and grinning like a madman as he detailed engine mishaps and eccentric motel squatters. The biggest surprise of all was Jake slowly warming up as the conversation rolled along, never contributing more than a few words at a time but eventually offering up the smallest of smiles and persistent eye contact as his little brother rambled away.

“I just can’t believe it,” Josh noted brightly at the tail end of one of Sam’s stories. “You’re so bold now, Sams. I remember when you were such a little scaredy cat too scared to get the communion wafers from the back room by yourself. Now you’re out there roughing the wilderness and pushing cows off the road.”

“Trying to push cows off the road,” Daniel corrected with a smile, remembering how hard he’d laughed watching Sam push with all his might against a cow where its herd had blocked the road somewhere in Texas. “Emphasis on trying.”

“I pushed that big one with the brown spot!” Sam argued. “You saw! He went running!”

“He felt bad for you, Sammy.”

Jake let out a snort that set them all off into their own fits of laughter, save for Sam who open mouth scoffed and mouthed threats to Danny across the table. Despite his faint indignation at Danny poking fun at him, Sam felt a great rush at the light hearted mood that had settled over the room. For a split second, he thought of a world where they could eat dinner like this on a regular basis, but he held himself back from indulging in that hope and laid it to rest in a far corner of his mind as quickly as it had risen.

Sam found it to be a wise choice when the laughter died down and Josh, completely unknowingly, killed the mood.

“Is it a hassle to find churches near motels?” Josh asked with sincere interest. “Or is it nice to settle for one day a week when you’re always driving around all willy-nilly?”

Jake let out another snort and Sam and Danny made awkward eye contact across the table.

“They don’t go to church, Josh,” Jake answered for his brother. Josh blinked and Sam bowed his head, suddenly very interested in tearing at the seedy heart of the tomato at the end of his fork.

“I suppose we can be few and far between,” Josh nodded. “I don’t think it’d hurt to peek in on a general Christian service, though. It’d do the job if the Baptist radio stations don’t reach wherever you end up.”

“They don’t want to go to church, Josh,” Jake continued. Sam kicked him under the table and Jake shot him a snotty look, raising his eyebrows haughtily as Josh turned to Sam.

“Is that true?” Josh asked, sounding a little hurt. 

“Did nobody here read the note I left?” Sam mumbled childishly, keeping his eyes down as Josh sputtered and looked between him and Danny. Danny couldn’t muster anything more than an embarrassed cough, also looking down but keeping his eyes firmly glued to Sam.

“I did, about a thousand times,” Josh insisted, shifting his entire chair to face Sam. “But I figured you’d, you know…well, maybe I don’t know.”

“I bet there’s a lot we don’t know,” Jake added, kicking back when Sam kicked him again. 

“What are you, 12? Stop it,” Josh snapped, adding his own kicking leg to the fray. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“You should’ve seen what he was wearing when I saw him,” Jake said conspiratorially.

“Jake, shut up!” Sam hissed. “You’re so fucking prissy.”

“Woah, language!” Josh scolded, throwing his hands up. “Everybody take a brea-”

“He was practically naked. From where I was, I actually thought he was a girl.”

“Okay, Jake, give it a rest,” Danny snapped, anger finally giving him the courage to speak up.

“I’ll “give it a rest” when you stop necking my brother in broad daylight, how about that, Florida?” Jake snarled, tossing his fork on the table with a furious clatter and crossing his arms. Danny’s mouth clamped shut at the same time Josh’s fell open. Sam let out a strained howl, staring daggers through his brother’s skull as Jake sent them right back.

“God, Jake, you’re so, so,” Sam stammered, insults piling in his mouth. “You’re so fucking jealous!”

Jake didn’t reply, but his eyes fluttered from the sting of Sam’s words. Sam had hit a nerve with sharp precision and they both knew it.

“What on God’s green earth is Jake talking about?” Josh asked, eyes glued to Danny where he wilted in his chair. Danny drew in a breath like he was about to answer, but they all found that the silence he gave instead was just as clear as if he’d spoken. 

“Sam?” Josh asked, a little desperate. For some reason, he didn’t sound as deeply disappointed as Sam had imagined, and certainly not as mad as he’d feared. 

“I hate you,” Sam whispered across the table to Jake, ignoring his other brother searching his face for something he’d missed entirely. “I said I didn’t want to fight.”

“Are we fighting, or am I just saying things that are objectively true?” Jake countered with eerie calm. “You don’t go to church. You dress like a girl. You’re screwing a total stranger. Anything else you’d like to add? Is he paying you, perhaps?”

Sam’s chair scraped loudly as he got to his feet and sent it banging against the wall. He crumpled up his napkin and threw it in Jake’s face before storming out of the dining room, leaving behind another frustrated cry that was cut off by the metallic clang of the front door. Josh turned to Jake with his own expression of genuine anger. 

“Do you want him to leave again?” Josh growled, glaring him down before casting his eyes on Danny. “Daniel, I am so sorry. Please, forgive us.”

Jake’s face grew cloudy and sullen at Josh’s fury, clueing Danny into whose opinion he must value most in this world. He sank further in his chair when Josh breezed past him and followed Sam’s warpath out of the home, leaving Jake and Danny to sit side by side in their private rages after the door had slammed for a second time.

-

They sat there for a very long time. Danny wanted to run to Sam (he was always running to Sam, and he thought maybe he always had been) but knew that Sam needed Josh more than him. As much as he was not enjoying this trend of being left alone with Jake, he sat with the storm cloud beside him and did his best to steal glances and collect information without Jake’s knowledge. When they’d first encountered him, Jake had seemed so eager to fly Sam back home to the nest. He’d seemed almost understanding, or as understanding as someone like him could be, but it’d spun out within seconds. Danny was trying to figure out the exact moment that had turned him into a cold shouldered teenager so desperate to cut Sam down. 

 When slyly sliding his eyes to try and gauge Jake’s expression, Danny startled slightly to find that Jake’s focus had shifted from the wall to him. When he followed the low trajectory of his tired gaze, Danny saw that Jake was staring at…Danny’s scuffed cowboy boots. From the looks of it, he was tracing the stitchings in the brown leather. Lost in a daydream, maybe? Danny considered with a note of private amusement that Jake might be looking at his boots and tucking himself into a fantasy of cowboys and fast horses. Maybe that was something he and Danny both did; escaping into an idealized reality when the one at hand was too much. 

Then, with a jolt, it clicked. The way Jake had grown cruel when Sam had defended his new look and new life, no doubt shattering Jake’s pre established perception of his baby brother. Inviting him to dinner and cooking what Danny knew were some of Sam’s favorite foods, only to spoil it all with appetite stealing jabs. How he had shrank under Josh’s disappointment. How he sat now, staring at Danny’s boots like he wished they were his. 

Like he wished he could run.

“I’m sorry, Jake,” Danny blurted. Jake jerked at the sudden sound and regarded Danny with wide, confused eyes. He blinked once before his face crumpled, perplexed.

“For what?” Jake asked, all bite gone from his voice. He sounded almost friendly. He sounded a little like Sam, actually. Danny used that familiarity to gather his confidence.

“I’m sorry Sam didn’t invite you to go with him. That must’ve really hurt.”

Jake’s expression held its dumbfounded composure but Danny could see the emotion shift from confusion to something akin to being completely crushed. He barely blinked and Danny watched his eyes fill with tears.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jake hissed, his voice wobbling slightly as his lip curled in feigned disgust. “You two are going to die out there, one way or another.”

“You must be a masochist, then,” Danny accused, continuing to find his nerve. “Because I’m willing to bet that Sam wasn’t too far off when he said you were jealous. I’m really not trying to be rude, I’m just trying to understand.”

“Understand what? Why I hate your guts?”

“You don’t hate my guts, Jake. And I sure as shit don’t hate yours.”

“Could’ve fooled me. You didn’t even give me a chance.”

Ah. There was another puzzle piece clicking in place for Danny.

“That’s another thing I’m sorry about,” Danny said honestly. “I shouldn’t have shut you down like that. It’s just - and this isn’t an excuse, it’s just an explanation- it’s just that I’ve spent the past year trying to get Sam as far away from what he was running from. And, well, you’re a part of all that in one way or another. But I should’ve understood your circumstances the same way I do Sam.”

Jake was quiet for another beat, swallowing and sniffling before letting out a sigh.

“I guess I shouldn’t have shut you down like that either,” Jake admitted. “And I guess I should thank you for keeping him safe and, well, alive. It’s just so weird to see Sam like this. He’s so…”

Jake’s lip trembled in a particularly Sam fashion and his eyes drifted off into space as tears began to roll down his ruddy cheeks.

“He’s so happy,” Jake breathed, in awe. “He was right, he was never happy here. I pushed him too hard. Josh was too wrapped up in his own crises. Our parents never gave him a second glance. And now he’s so free. He got out. You two have done so much and gone so far that it just makes everything at home feel even smaller. I guess I didn’t realize until I saw him again that there was something to ‘get out’ of.”

“It’s okay,” Danny whispered, reaching out and putting a hand on Jake’s arm. “Hey, breathe, it’s okay.”

“It’s not,” Jake wailed, fully swept up in his hysteria now. “It’s not okay. This is supposed to be a place people flock to, not run from. And, shit, if it was so bad that he had to run, you’d think he’d have the decency to at least tell me and Josh. You’d think he’d ask if...”

Danny thought he’d be more distressed watching Jake completely spin out, but he was actually pretty calm. He supposed this was par for the course in a place like this. Another holy man laid to waste by a betrayal. Another brother struck down by his brother, laying still while the other wandered. In some twisted way, there was something divine here, but not in the way that any of them wanted. Danny suddenly felt even closer to Sam, and he shivered a little with the understanding and satisfaction of it despite the gaunt atmosphere over the entire estate. He kept a steady hand on Jake’s arm when he crossed his arms on the table and buried his face shamefully, the lean crest of his back shivering with an unruly sob. 

“You should go, Jake,” Danny whispered. “I mean, you should leave, too. You can’t be happy here.”

“That’s not an option for me,” Jake laughed, his face still hidden by his periwinkle sleeves. “There’s too much here for me to leave behind.”

“Josh?”

“Josh,” Jake repeated, voice wobbling. “Always gonna be Josh. As much as I’d love to have a week to myself without having to set up a million church activities or food drives or buying a trunkful of candles, I know he can’t handle the responsibility all on his own. It’s just easier if I do it so he can focus on writing sermons and doing confessions.”

“What happened to having faith in each other?”

“He doesn’t want to handle the responsibility on his own,” Jake corrected. “That’s another thing. In all honesty, I always thought if any of us were going to make it out of here, it’d be him.”

“Really?” Danny asked. From what he’d heard, Josh was more than happy with a microphone in his hand and adoring congregants standing at the ready to harmonize with his gospels. 

Jake calmed slightly, resurfacing from his arms to rest his chin and catch his breath. His round face was still flushed with emotion and Danny resisted a very genuine urge to brush his hair back from where it lay lingering on his cheeks, kept there by stray tears. 

“Josh…” Jake trailed off, his gaze finding comfort counting the slats in the blinds. “Josh struggles. I mean, we all do, but he…I don’t know. He doesn’t tell me much. I just know something keeps him convinced that he’s not worthy of being the pastor. Which is ridiculous, in my opinion.”

“Really,” Danny repeated, slightly more somber as he thought back to his first impressions of Josh and the immediate recognition whose source alluded him. It came to him in a wave, then, along with the fond ache of understanding.

“No one is more deserving,” Jake continued. “There’s no one as kind or as devoted as him. I think it’s just the church, well, the Convention, really, that has certain ideas that make him feel…unworthy, maybe. There’s an expectation he thinks he doesn’t live up to.”

“He’s..?” Danny trailed off, testing the waters cautiously in case the conclusion he’d jumped to was entirely wrong. 

“He’s my brother,” Jake said firmly, finally looking Danny head on. “And my best friend. That’s all that matters to me.”

Danny sat back in his chair, a long held breath (of relief?) escaping his chest as his understanding of Jake finally crystallized. He wasn’t really a sharp tongued, verse slinging Bible thumper with a million little hills to die on. Jake was a man who was first and foremost devoted to his family, and he was willing to forego all of his wants for their needs. He was a brother, and he feared for how the world would treat his brothers, both inside and outside his little world. And at the end of it, he’d withstand feeling forgotten if it meant they felt seen. He had never been angry, not really. Just hurt.

“You’re a good brother, Jake,” Danny insisted, flashing Jake a smile. “You and Sam should have a chat before the night is through. And I still believe you should think about leaving. Both you and Josh, actually. There’s a lot of world you’d really like to see. Obviously it’s not my place to tell you what to do, but I do think it’d help.”

“You’re probably right,” Jake agreed. “And thank you. Sorry for, you know, everything.”

“It’s no problem,” Danny said genuinely. “I’m happy to help.”

“You are, aren’t you?” Jake laughed. “I’m surprised you’ve stuck around this long, honestly. Especially since you’re not religious. But I guess if you’ve put up with Sam for a year and not jumped overboard, you must be accustomed to some nonsense.”

“I don’t ‘put up’ with him,” Danny asserted. “It’s a privilege to get to spend so much time with him.”

Jake watched him with an arched, amused eyebrow, finally straightening in his chair to smooth his hair back and settle with his arms crossed. 

“So, what, I’m gonna wind up being your brother, too?”

“I mean…in a way,” Danny laughed, heart racing. “If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind,” Jake answered, shaking his head slightly. “I figured. I mean, after he hit 21 and had no dating prospects or interest in dating at all, I assumed he was gonna forgo it completely. I just guessed he was more interested in his commitment to the church, like Josh.”

“Seems they both had their reasons to stay away from girls,” Danny noted.

“I suppose they did,” Jake said with a light laugh. “And still do. But, wow, Sam really does light up around you. I’ve never seen that with him.”

Danny smiled, blushing with warmth again as he tried to recall Sam’s expression when he was around. He’d always been smiley and wide eyed when looking at Danny, complete with pupils blown wide and overtaking the honey brown of his iris while he mapped Danny’s face. Wasn’t that how he’d been before they met? Apparently not. 

“You’ve got good intentions?” Jake interrogated, nudging Danny’s knee with his own. “You treat him right?”

“I do, I do,” Danny insisted, crossing his own arms and grinning. “I sure try. He’s easy to love.”

“You love him?”

“I…yeah, I do,” Danny affirmed, certain of his answer. “I didn’t even mean to say it like that, but, yeah. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, it’s alright,” Jake smiled, yet slightly subdued. “Just…be careful, okay? At least as long as you’re in Alabama. Especially in Shady Grove.”

“I know,” Danny said softly, a little more morose. “Sam warned me about that. Another reason he left.”

“Another reason we should go,” Jake replied reluctantly. “Right?”

“Right. Believe me, nowhere is going to be perfect, but I think you’ll like the version of Josh you’ll meet when he can be himself. I’ve loved watching Sam come out of his shell.”

“I wish I could’ve been there for that,” Jake whispered, choking up again. “He’s probably out there right now telling Josh how much he hates me.”

“Don’t say that.”

-

“I fucking hate him.”

“Sam.”

Sam had bolted the second he was out the front door, but Josh had known where to find him. Ever since Sam had been young enough to start throwing the tantrums that had made him so intolerable to their parents, he always fled to the dock at the bottom of the hill. Ever the mediator, Josh had spent his fair share of time on the rotting wood planks listening to Sam vent his frustrations as they plunged sticks and rocks into the murky water, eventually advising him with echoes of affirmations he’d heard from the mouths of older congregants. But they were adults now, and as Josh sat on the dock with Sam curled into his side, he realized with a faint panic that there were no more words to borrow but his own. 

“I do,” Sam insisted, his head resting on Josh’s shoulder as he glared out over the blurred surface of the small lake. “I really do. I’m done with him.”

“No, you’re not,” Josh sighed, throwing an arm around Sam’s shoulder and rubbing his arm. 

“Whatever,” Sam grumbled. “I want to be.”

“You don’t have any kind of hate in your soul, Sam,” Josh told him. “God takes it from you and leaves you even more kind and enduring.”

“Josh, stop,” Sam whispered, sending an embarrassed thorn right into Josh’s side. 

“Stop what?”

“The God stuff. Please. Just, not now, at least.”

“The ‘God stuff’ used to make you feel better.”

“No, it didn’t. I just didn’t say anything.”

They sat without speaking for a minute. Without their voices, the rushing rain sounds of the mayflies and the hush of the surrounding trees filled the void between them. 

“You could’ve said something,” Josh murmured. “Especially if it would’ve stopped you leaving.”

“It wouldn’t have,” Sam answered. “I’ve thought about it a lot. I think I would’ve left no matter what happened.”

“Oh,” Josh said, sounding small. “Did you know that before you left?”

“To some degree.”

“...I would’ve liked to know that, too, Sammy.”

Sam swallowed a guilty lump in his throat and sulked further against his brother. 

“Sorry,” Sam whispered. “It was selfish. It’s just…I was scared if I told you, you’d tell Jake, and then he’d tell Dad, and then you’d all hatch some master plan to keep me here.”

“I suppose that’s not an unfounded fear,” Josh admitted. “Remember when Jake had his little Sunday school girlfriend? I didn’t see him for, like, three days after Dad got wind of it.”

“Exactly. And then you would’ve written up some elaborate, guilt trippy sermon and sat me down in the kitchen and made me talk about my feelings for 2 hours minimum.”

Josh laughed a little, drawing a knee to his chest against a cool breeze that rolled off the lake.

“I’m pretty predictable, huh? Goodness.”

“And that wouldn’t have worked because if I talked about my feelings…”

“What?”

“...”

“What, you wouldn’t want to hear my feelings about the whole thing?”

“Well, yeah, but it’s too late for that now. And that’s not-”

“I haven’t even told you how I felt,” Josh pointed out. 

“I know how you felt,” Sam murmured, tears searing his waterline again. “Maybe it’s you and Jake with your creepy twin telepathy, but I felt you both the whole time, even all the way out in California. It’s horrible. Some days I couldn’t even enjoy myself because I could feel the disappointment two thousand miles away.”

Josh felt tears of his own threatening to spill over hearing that. It had never occurred to him that a lifetime of observing at the sidelines would’ve made Sam so accurately attuned to his family’s emotional patterns.

“Sammy,” Josh exhaled. “It pains me to listen to this. You don’t have to feel so guilty about everything.”

“Neither do you.”

Josh bristled slightly, lifting his cheek from Sam’s hair and looking down at him.

“What do you mean?” Josh asked gently. 

“I know you didn’t want to be pastor.” 

“Well, I love it now.”

Sam pulled away from Josh and crossed his legs under him, staring out over the water before staring Josh in the eye with a look so sincere and cutting that it made Josh lean back slightly.

“It’s okay if you don’t, you know,” Sam said evenly. “It’s okay if you’re upset.”

“What do I have to be upset about?” Josh teased, pushing Sam’s bony shoulder. “I live in this beautiful little town and get to spend my days with its beautiful little people talking about what I love. Plus I just got my baby brother back. I’d be a fool to complain.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Josh, cut it out,” Sam snapped, grief fizzling into frustration. “You sound like Dad at his worst. Why can’t you just drop the act for 2 seconds and admit you hate it here?”

Josh’s eyebrows flew up and he let out a reflexive laugh, anxiety coloring his tone as it fluttered cautiously out of him. Sam looked at him pleadingly, grabbing his brother's hand and gripping it tight.

“I know you didn’t want to be pastor,” Sam repeated firmly. “I know you wanted to go to college. And I…I know you’re gay.”

Josh immediately froze, falling silent as Sam stared into his eyes and what felt like his soul. 

“And that’s great,” Sam continued on, a tear escaping his eye and rolling down his cheek. “It can feel amazing if you’d just let yourself feel anything. Trust me, I know. You’re not trapped here, dude. You can still go to school and be yourself and be happy. You just have to put yourself first for the first time in your fucking life.” 

Josh, struck dumb, couldn’t do anything but breathe as his heart burned in his chest and pushed up hot tears that blurred his vision of his brother. His brother, who was undressing his façade with effortless impatience that made Josh begin to wonder just how transparent he truly was. Or was it only Sam, who was part of him in so many ways, that could see how blind Josh was? When he spoke in dizzying circles of hell and damnation, were his congregants shaking their heads in pity with the knowledge that all Josh was really doing was scaring himself back into submission?

“If you’re really okay with how your life is turning out, tell me now and we can never talk about it again,” Sam promised. “I swear to God. I will leave it alone.”

Josh hesitated further, pulling his hand from Sam’s and letting out a slow breath. Looking down at the cloudy water swaying underneath them, he wondered how big of an inhale of it would take for him to sink right to the bottom. 

“You’re right,” Josh confessed, his voice as soft and as uncertain as Sam had ever heard him. “I didn’t want any of this. It’s too much pressure. And the more I read the Bible and listen to the sermons from out in Texas and Georgia…the more I lose faith in what I’m supposed to be telling people.”

“Yeah,” Sam whispered, finding respite in Josh’s honesty. “I never really believed we were all born sinners.”

“I still kind of do,” Josh admitted. “But now I’m thinking there’s no amount of trying that’ll change that. I do all of this praying and writing and confession but I’m still…”

“It’s not sin, Josh. How you feel, how we both feel. There’s nothing to be saved from when it comes to that,” Sam insisted with quiet urging. “Seriously.”

“Maybe,” Josh whispered, picking at the skin around his nails as a dark coil of shame slithered in his stomach. “It just isn’t natur-”

“It’s like this,” Sam started, trying to put something into terms that would get through to him. “God is everyone and everything. Maybe that’s something I still agree with. And when you stop dedicating yourself to trying to get him to pay attention to you, you start to see Him or whatever “He” really is everywhere. You realize that you’re honoring Him by honoring yourself and doing what feels right to you. I don’t know if that’s something we’ll get rewarded for in heaven, but the reward of it on Earth is enough for me.”

“‘Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it’,” Josh recited with a nod. “Hebrews.”

“Sure. Yeah, actually, yeah. What I’m trying to say is you should live for yourself, Josh, not God or Dad or anyone. And if you still want God, you’ll find that without even trying.”

“Did you find Him with Danny?” Josh asked quietly. “In Texas?”

Sam blinked in surprise. He’d never thought about it like that, but…

“I guess I did,” Sam breathed, a smile drifting onto his face as he thought fondly of Danny. “At the start, at least. Now it’s all just him, no capital H.”

Everything was Danny to him, in complete honesty. Even though Sam only half believed the whole speech he was giving to Josh, he couldn’t deny the divinity he felt in the presence of his boyfriend. His best friend.

“I want that,” Josh murmured. His throat closed with emotion as he forced the words out, but it felt good to say. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d expressed wanting out loud, and based on the look on Sam’s face, he realized it may have never happened before.

“Go get it,” Sam said fiercely, his grin growing wildly when Josh’s eyes lit up a little at his encouragement. “You wanna come to Florida with us? We can find you a nice, alligator hunting boy.”

“Slow down, slow down,” Josh laughed, holding up his palms in surrender. “One step at a time.”

“Just Florida, then. We’ll ask Danny.”

As if summoned, there grew the sound of hushed voices and the sound of shoes on the wooden steps down to the deck, bodies hidden by the trees and the dark. Eventually they emerged, Jake hopping down from the last step that had been laid too high, bending at the knee from the impact as long legged Danny casually stepped down beside him. Sam and Josh turned to face them, leaning back on their hands and giving little waves. Without any words, they all knew the night’s battle had blown over, and Sam reached for Jake as he sat down between him and Josh. Jake received him with a hug, both of them bent into each other awkwardly as they murmured brief apologies to the other. Josh, unable to stay out of anything ever, leaned into their embrace and struggled to wrap his arms around both of them. Danny laughed as he settled next to Sam, their knees bumping as Sam attempted to wiggle out from the hold Josh had joyfully trapped them in.

“I’m just so grateful,” Josh wailed with phony passion. “I love my family!”

“You’d hug Mom and Dad like this?” Jake asked incredulously.

“...I love my brothers!”

All 4 of them laughed again as Josh finally released them, immediately proceeding to chastise Jake in a low voice as he fiddled with the frizz his hair had accumulated. Sam teetered backwards and landed with his back to Danny’s chest. Danny took advantage of the twins getting distracted and planted a kiss on top of Sam’s hair, letting his eyes flutter shut for a moment at the consolation of Sam back in his arms after the whirlwind day they’d had.

“All good?” Danny whispered in Sam’s ear, smiling when Sam nodded and tilted his head to grin up at him.

“You?” Sam asked, humming when Danny mimicked his own nod back to him.

“Jake said we can stay the night in your old bedroom,” Danny informed him, repeating what Jake had said in the conversation on their way out of the house. “But he won’t make us breakfast.”

“Fuckin’ liar, he will,” Sam laughed, reaching a hand up and lovingly stroking Danny’s cheek as he utilized his other hand to smack Jake’s thigh. “What’s this about no breakfast? You want me to burn the place down trying to make toast?”

“I’m just not babying you anymore is all,” Jake announced, smacking Sam right back. “Danny agrees it’ll be good for our relationship.”

“Traitor,” Sam complained, smacking Danny on the cheek and squealing when Danny scoffed and smacked him back. Jake let out a brash cackle and Josh a defeated groan.

“You’re like the Three Stooges,” Josh whined. “Also, coming from you, Sam? That’s a bold accusation.”

“Wow!”

“Look who’s finally growing some balls,” Jake continued to cackle, hooking his elbow around Josh’s neck and pulling him into a side hug. 

“The state of my balls are none of your concern,” Josh muttered, which made Sam and Jake let out identical barks of laughter. The three of them got whipped up into a frenzy of bickering and Danny watched with a grin and a bloom of warmth flowering in his chest at the sight. There was something being healed here, he thought, and he could almost see the misguided little boys they’d once been as they tussled and giggled on the groaning dock.

It was strange to think how differently he had felt just a few hours ago. With Sam in Danny’s life, it seemed like things changing at the drop of a hat was something that Danny was going to grow well accustomed to as long as he was around. After that night, even with Sam squirming out of his grasp to try and push his brothers into the lake, Danny knew with complete certainty that he wanted Sam to stick around forever. It was time he told him that.

-

“How was your shower?”

“Arctic.”

Danny laughed and opened up the wing of the sheets and comforters to welcome in Sam, who came rolling in with his hair still wet. He was clad in linen pajamas from his teenage years that fell slightly too short on his wrists and ankles, while Danny lay under the blankets in only his boxers and socks. Even though Sam’s skin and hair was freezing cold from the shower and dampened his own skin, Danny pulled Sam against him and struggled with the blankets to bundle them together as best as he could. 

“There, now we’re a proper burrito,” Danny smiled, kissing the tip of Sam’s nose.

“I’ve never had a burrito,” Sam whispered in a hushed, secretive voice. Danny gasped.

“You’re joking.”

“I’m not!”

“Well, that's okay, we'll remedy that. Plus, they’re not half as good as this,” Danny mumbled, using his grip on Sam’s back to pull him further into his bare chest and tuck Sam’s head into the crook of his neck. “Was the water really that cold?”

“Sub-zero,” Sam promised with a shiver. “Those assholes hogged all the hot water, I bet. Typical.” 

“I’ll warm you up plenty,” Danny purred, sliding his hand up Sam’s shirt and tracing his fingers along his cool skin with featherlight touch. Sam shivered again and giggled, nuzzling deeper into Danny’s neck.

“Not in my childhood bed you won’t, pervert,” Sam murmured against Danny’s skin, which seemed to be radiating great waves of heat like he were a human furnace. 

Said childhood bed had been a source of poorly hidden smiles from Danny, who finally admitted through a smothered laugh that the entire room looked like his grandma’s room back in Florida. No doubt done up and never redecorated for the daughter his mother had been expecting and never received, the wallpaper was pale, flowery and hung with silver crosses. Picture frames held stitched psalms that sat cheerfully on the vanity facing the bed. The double bed barely fit the both of them and, as Sam admitted through laughs of his own, the sheets and comforters that surrounded them now did, at one time, belong to his granny. When they’d first walked in, Sam had felt the loving ache of being remembered upon finding that the bed had been made and the room had been tidied for his return.

“How about some sleep, then?” Danny offered. “We’ve had a long day.”

“No kidding,” Sam quietly agreed. “I’m glad what happened did happen, shockingly enough. I really thought it was going to be a trainwreck. I should’ve had more faith in them, I guess.”

“You’ve got just the right amount of faith,” Danny hummed, eyes drifting open and shut as he grew sleepy from the perfume of Sam’s shampoo and his natural sweetness. “I’m really proud of you, baby. I know that was a lot for you. You’re a tough cookie.”

“I’m your tough cookie,” Sam murmured, tickling Danny’s neck with his nose and planting a lingering kiss on the pulse thrumming violently under his lips. Danny let out a breathy groan and gently dug his fingers into Sam’s back as Sam mapped a sleepy path of kisses along Danny’s neck.

“Easy, cookie,” Danny raggedly chuckled, smoothing his palm up and down Sam’s back as he fought in vain to stave off the growing pressure in his boxers. “I thought being in this bed was a no go.”

“It is,” Sam doubled down, lips dragging against Danny’s skin as he whispered. “Just saying thank you real quick.”

“You and your fuckin’ ‘thank you’’s,” Danny smiled, eyelids fluttering fully shut as he tilted his head back and gave Sam more area to cover. “This is like that first night all over again.”

“I was so embarrassed,” Sam giggled, his breath fanning out in warm bursts over the thin layer of saliva cooling on Danny’s skin. “I thought I’d gone and fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Sweetheart,” Danny cooed, butterflies fluttering in his stomach. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“No, I’m not,” Sam refused, pressing his cheek into the hollow of Danny’s collarbone.

“Yes, you absolutely are, my little California love.”

“Even after today?” Sam asked, sounding more uncertain than he wanted to. “I can’t think of a single other person on Earth who could’ve sat through all of that bullshit and still liked me at the end of it. Like, I really can’t apologize enough. Especially for Jake’s crazy ass.”

“Especially after today,” Danny insisted. Sam lifted his head from Danny’s chest and looked up at him with an unconvinced sneer, their noses brushing as Danny raked his fingers through Sam’s damp waves and searched for the fortitude to say what he felt. These were the moments where Danny felt it the strongest; Sam burrowed into him with his eyes as wide and wondering as the day they’d met. This was what love was to him.

“Sam,” Danny whispered sincerely, voice low and breathless. “If it meant I got to keep you by my side for 10 extra minutes, I’d live today over and over again. Do you understand? There is nothing you could put me through that I wouldn’t stick around for. Not when I’m this ridiculously in love with you.”

Sam’s already wide eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets at that, pupils expanding slowly as a nervous smile wound its way onto his flushed face. Danny smiled at him, feeling a flush of his own beginning to heat his body from his heart outwards. 

“You’re what?” Sam asked, leaning back slightly to look at Danny properly. 

“You heard me,” Danny teased, pinching the rosy apple of Sam’s cheek. “What do you think about that?”

“I think you’re crazy,” Sam laughed, shimmying in their cocoon of blankets and limbs to readjust his arms to wrap around Danny’s neck. “And may have been dropped on your head as a baby.”

“How did you know that?”

“It’s the only rational explanation as to why you’d go and say that,” Sam flouted breezily. 

“Is it really so hard to believe?” Danny asked, making a pitiful face that made Sam’s heart flutter. “You make it very easy to be in love with you, as a matter of fact. I don’t have to try at all.”

“I love you,” Sam murmured, in awe. It’s not like he was stupid, he knew Danny had to have loved him for them to have gotten as far as they had, but it still felt entirely unexpected to actually hear it. After a year of being startled awake by Sam’s sleep talking, patiently listening to stories of the worst of Sam’s childhood punishments, even sleeping sitting up in a jail cell in New Mexico when Sam’s newfound chutzpah found purchase with a rowdy biker, there was Danny at the end of it all. Patiently awaiting what fresh hell Sam would drag him into next. 

“I love you, too,” Danny assured him. “But are you in love with me?”

“Fucking obviously,” Sam blurted. “I'm so in love with you, Danny, fuck. I didn’t realize I even had to clarify that.”

“Of course you did! How else would I know?” Danny laughed, eyes glittering with glee and relief at Sam’s confirmation.

“I thought I had made myself plenty clear when I followed you across the country with zero hesitation. Twice.”

“I guess that’s fair.”

“Also, I mean, you popped my cherry, so.”

“You weren’t gonna give that up for just anyone, huh?” Danny laughed, his freckled nose crinkling. 

“Nope,” Sam smiled flirtatiously. “I was saving it for truuue looove.”

“Is that what this is?” Danny asked softly, his smile paling with uncertainty as he searched Sam’s dark eyes. 

“I hope so,” Sam breathed, his heart racing just as fast as it did when he was still learning to look at Danny without feeling faint. “Do you think it is?”

“I do,” Danny said sincerely, cupping Sam’s jaw. “Let’s say it is and go from there.”

“Works for me,” Sam agreed, nervously tilting his chin forward and melting from the inside out when Danny met him with a fiery kiss.

Sam was no stranger to the possessive pressure Danny preferred to apply when kissing, but there was something fierce behind this kiss that left Sam feeling utterly and completely loved. Lying in the same bed just over a year ago, Sam recalled how he’d bundle the blankets into a wall to press his back against as he slept, pretending it was someone to keep him steady and wake him in the morning. He thought of how that was something he didn’t need to dream about anymore. He thought of how lucky he was. How blessed.

“I’m starting to think Josh may have been right,” Sam sighed against Danny’s mouth, now tucked under him with Danny’s loose curls tickling his cheeks. “I think you’re my guardian angel.”

“You’re the angel here,” Danny insisted, thinking of Sam’s tattoo and feeling his thighs tighten unconsciously on either side of Sam’s hips. “Never gonna let anyone clip your wings ever again.”

“I’m serious,” Sam whined, twining his fingers in Danny’s hair and pulling him closer. “You’re the real deal.”

“Maybe Josh did get one thing right tonight.”

“Speaking of Josh…how do you feel about another passenger on our way to Florida?”

“He’s going to have to share the backseat with Jake if that’s the new plan, ‘cause I’m pretty sure I convinced Jake to pack up too.”

“Family road trip,” Sam sang. “I hope your parents don’t mind.”

“No, they’ll love a full house,” Danny answered. “And my sister will love peer pressuring them into doing stupid shit.”

“I can’t wait to see them drunk for the first time,” Sam confessed with a laugh. “They’ll be fucking ridiculous.”

“I don’t know if you’ll want to see them like that if they’re anything like you were the first time you got drunk,” Danny teased, nipping at Sam’s earlobe. “I’ve still never heard you talk like you did that night.”

“Stop that,” Sam giggled, muffling a squeak when Danny kissed the sensitive skin under his ear. “I don’t even remember half of that night.”

“Your brain is protecting your dignity,” Danny joked, his voice low and warm against the shell of Sam’s ear. “You were kind of a slut.”

“Yeah?” Sam asked weakly, panting slightly from so little. Danny tended to do that to him.

“Oh, yeah. Big time. You cried when I wouldn’t put it in.”

Sam immediately slapped a hand over Danny’s mouth and shushed him theatrically, attempting to smother him when Danny laughed hysterically and tried to lick and bite at his fingers.

“What if they heard you!” Sam hissed, his wrists now pinned beside him as Danny held him down with visible triumph.

“Then I’ll apologize!” Danny laughed, jostling as Sam tried to wrench himself out from under him. “You’re the one making the mattress squeak all suspiciously. This is a Christian household, Sam, I mean really.”

“Shut up!”

“You shut up!”

“I hate you,” Sam declared quietly, sharp eyes trained up at Danny with a glimmer of mischief dancing at his waterline. Danny smiled fondly and lowered himself so their chests were pressed together. He cocked his head, looking Sam over with his hazel eyes lush with emotion.

“And I will love you ‘til the day I die, Sam Kiszka,” Danny announced, pressing his lips to Sam’s with careful appreciation and keeping them there for the hours that followed. 

In the morning, they’d clamor and argue and shed tears before pulling out of Shady Grove with a body in every seat of Danny’s beat up little truck. They’d follow the fate line to Florida to settle and heal and wander from the path like they always did. But that night, they had nothing to do but lay under the blanket of the whistling Alabama sky and love each other.

They’d find in the years and decades that followed, it never got much more complicated than that.

~~

Taglist: @holdingup-fallingsky @milojames16 @spark-my-nature @bladenotblaze @currentlyfangirling10

[n0v4t33z]

The Piece Of Eight - Chapter of Eledonia

Pairings: Capt. Hongjoong X Female Reader , Crewmate San x Female Reader (Overall not chapter specific)

Genre: Pirate AU, Romance, historical-ish, Action, Angst, Non-Idol AU

Word Count: 10.6k

Tags/Warnings: For Mature Audiences, Violence, Language, mentions of blood and gore, Highly Suggestive at times (This is a warning for the whole story overall)

Chapter specific: y/n uses her sword on Matz, y/n protects Matz from a fellow villager and cuts him a bit in the process, y/n remembers her traumatic past, Seonghwa mentions Hongjoong's past (Overall nothing too bad right now honestly)

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!

Spotify Playlist ⚓ | Masterlist 🏴‍☠️

Author's Note💌: Hi! This is one of my newer works and I hope whoever reads this enjoys it! I've worked very hard on this and tbh i've been working on this when I'm not writing for TS (which is alot because I'm stuck as of rn) Also I guess I'll say this right now but this story will have alot of blood and violence in the future chapters and in some instances flashbacks from MC's tragic past which will get VERY dark. I am aware not alot of people like that so before any of it starts I will warn you in future chapters of any trigger warnings. Anyway, please enjoy and don't be shy to leave me your comments or thoughts! (please be kind!) 🌙

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For as long as I can remember I’ve always been poor, not that it’s bothered me. If anything it has made me very resourceful and grateful for the little things I have in life, but it definitely would have been nice if we at least had something under our name because maybe then being prisoners for years wouldn’t have been an option. 

Then again everything that happened was against Eledonia's wishes so of course, that of being a prisoner was long ago from when I was 4 years old until I was about 13 so having to endure and watch all those years of people getting abused and tortured again and again on the daily definitely takes a toll on you. Lucky for me I put that anger I had in learning how to protect myself and my family.

 For a while my family was against it because according to them I should be focusing on something else that won’t risk me getting hurt, like being a good housewife. The way I think though is if I didn’t at least know the basics of training we’d suffer again like before and when the Saitors left our country that’s when it began.

 Now my grandpa, a retired soldier of our nation Eledonia has been training me for a few years now. He’s taught me everything I know about weapons and self defense. For the most part I train by myself by the shore near where our village is so I can hear the calming waves and stay watch in case any ship is nearby. Which is what I'm on my way to do this morning.

"Make sure not to stay too late over there, I need you to help me take these beans over to the market to see how much we can get for them" I nod "Sure, I'll be back later Mom!" I walk outside as the early morning sun slightly obstructs my vision causing me to slightly squint trying to get used to the brightness.

 While I walk down the trail I take in the beauty of the forest and see how much the flowers and leaves on the trees have bloomed since spring began, everything was so lush and green. As soon as I’m hit with the smell of the salty sea it’s my queue that I’ve arrived at my destination with no need to look over at the sea for confirmation which unknowingly at the time I’ll seemingly regret.

 I begin my training as per usual until a few hours pass by and I begin to hear shouting in the distance and splashes in the water almost like a ship was being docked. I run towards the edge of the shore and realize a man was watching me with his spyglass.

I couldn't make out his features but panicking now knowing how long he’d been watching me I start sprinting back home with adrenaline coursing through my veins. It takes me less than 5 minutes to arrive at my village's territory before I begin to yell in panic “A ship is docking!! They’re pirates!”

The villagers look at each other in confusion and panic until I spot the chief. I run as fast my legs could take me but my legs feels weak from the Imminent fear. At this point I don't know how I'm still standing.

 “Chief there are pirates docking their ship right now!! Please anyone! One of them looked right at me, they know there are people here now! ”

 Immediately the Chief rings a bell 3 times then walks over to me gently placing his hand on my shoulder “Thank you for telling me Metztli, run to gather your family and we’ll all head over to the underground cave.”

 I obediently nod and hurriedly run home and notice my mom feeding my little brothers  while my father and grandfather were having some sort of conversation then while still slightly out of breath I say “There’s a ship docking right now and it’s a pirate ship, we have to go..” 

Everyone freezes for a moment then my grandfather lets out a sigh and gets up “Let’s go. Leave everything as it is.” My parents begin packing a few things meanwhile I grab a few of my books and some of my clothes enough for a few days. 

When we arrive at the underground cave I notice the whole clan was there, of course our clan wasn’t very big but to see everyone gathered up there was shocking to see how many people were scared of the same thing happening all over again. Of course I don’t blame them, it was a time none of us want to remember. 

The inside of the bunker of the cave was far from fancy, it was basically a hole in the ground with a few torches on the walls for light and a few scattered bonfires for warmth and cooking, everything else was just rock.

 After a week in the bunker we all grew impatient and very hungry so the chief sent a few people out at dawn to see if the boat was gone, when the men came back they alerted the chief the boat was gone from where it was docked marking it safe for us to return back to our homes.

That very same day after returning home my mother sends me off to the market to buy a few necessities we ran out of while in the underground bunker. When I arrived at the market I realized I had a smile on my face, it was nice seeing everyone going back to normal. It was definitely a close call, it still doesn’t sit right with me how one of the people in that ship saw me. 

Luckily they’re long gone by now so I shouldn’t think about it too much. I walk over to a vegetable stand with a small old lady running it “Oh hi sweetie, how are you? What would you like today?” I smile and hand her the crescents along with the reusable grocery bag  “It’ll be the usual Rosalia.”

 She smiles and begins to load up the bag with vegetables “Aren’t you glad that ship was false alarm? I don’t think my old self could handle another invasion again honestly.” I nod “Another one would be a curse that was so scary, my heart almost jumped out of my throat when I saw them.”

 She hands me the grocery bag and says “Luckily it wasn’t anything to worry about sweetheart. Alright, be safe and go ahead and let your mother know I said hi.” I nod and wave goodbye and head over to the next vendor to buy my grandfather’s favorite snack, coconut candy.

 Although I really dislike the weirdly textured candy my grandpa seems to enjoy it and honestly that’s okay as long as he’s happy.

“Oh hi y/n what brings you here today?” I set bag of vegetables on the floor and dig into my pocket for money “Oh I’ll just have one coconut candy today for my grandpa” He grabs the candy and hands it over to me “One crescent”

 I nod and hand him the money and begin to walk away “y/n, wait up!” Causing me to halt in my steps and turn that’s when he wraps a small piece of cake and puts it in a small box and hands it over to me “It’s not much but it’s a small thanks for alerting the chief about the ship earlier this week” 

I reach over for the box with a “Oh wow thank you so much Armando, you have no idea how grateful i am for this.” I bow my head slightly and he does the same “Goodbye y/n take care!” I smile and wave goodbye and begin to walk towards the entrance of the market that’s when I see two young men around my age wearing unfamiliar attire.

 The shorter one’s hair was an unnatural shade of blonde with his hair being short in the front but long in the back, a small braid adorning his hair. His dark eyes are rimmed to resemble smoky soot stained eyes giving him a very intense look, he wore a simple cross chain around his neck and a single silver earring on his right ear, and wore a black odd looking cape thing and under it he wore a simple black long sleeve, on his left arm there was a black band of some sort that had an hourglass shape with a circle in the middle and 4 phases of the moon surrounding it. 

He also wore some sort of black pants accentuating his small figure. For the one standing next to him which was the taller one, his hair was jet black, and wore very similar style clothing only this one opted for a white colored long sleeve shirt and a grey colored vest over it to accentuate his small waist with the same sort of odd black cape thing over his shoulders.

 His pants being the same ones as the short one just iike their boots. One thing that stuck out is the tall one had a visible weapon on his back, a shot gun.

Fuck. Pirates. The shorter one leans over to tell the taller one something and that’s when the taller one begins walking in my direction. I have no weapons on me, I have to go. I drop my stuff and make a run for it into the forest. 

While I run I hear the man call out to me in the distance but unfortunately my fear is not letting me decipher what he was saying. I begin to run in the direction of the river by the water fall but take the alternate lesser known route.

 When I make it to the river I hide behind the waterfall that’s when I hear the tall man call out to me “Hello? I promise we won’t hurt you. We just want to talk.” I scoff almost laughing at his words. Not hurt me? Then why was he hoisting around a fucking shot gun on his back? 

I decide to stay quiet while he continued to try and lure me out then a few minutes later the shorter man with the arm band joins him at the side of the river and he joins him with the same words the other was protesting saying that they will not hurt me which is honestly hard to believe as I can now see the shorter one has weapons too. 

Suddenly the shorter one begins to speak my language “Hello, I will not hurt you. I want to talk.” I sigh realizing they know I’m here then I nervously say “How do I know that? The tall one and you have weapons.”

Both the shorter and taller man look at each other in surprise not expecting me to answer them back that’s when without hesitation the shorter man unholsters his gun and throws it in the river along with the sword that was perfectly hidden under his long cape thing. The tall one removes the gun from his back and throws it in the river the and shorter one continues “I am sorry. Can you come out?”

 Hesitantly I step out from behind the waterfall and I pick up a few rocks and throw them in their direction causing them to step back giving me enough room to grab the sword they threw into the river. “What do you want?”

 I point the sword at both of them causing them to both have their hands raised in mercy then the shorter one says “Alliance.

” I furrow my eyebrows “I’m confused, I’m poor. I have no influence.” He nods understandably “You have strength, I saw you training by the water when we first met 7 days ago” Suddenly it dawns on me this man was the same man watching me train through his spy glass by the shore.

 Unable to form any words out of shock I stay silent and the man continues “My name is Hongjoong, next to me is Seonghwa what about you?” Hesitantly I look around and study their expressions, they seemed genuine but a part of me is too scared to trust them “y/n.” 

I cannot tell them my real name, it’s way too dangerous. Hongjoong blinks a few times then says “You speak the universal language?” I nod “Yeah.” He sighs in relief “I’m sorry but that’s good because I was running out of Eledonian. I’m sorry If I was really bad at it I only know enough to get by.”

 I stay quiet for a few seconds then I muster the courage to say “Where did you dock? I swear your ship was gone when we checked this morning.” 

Hongjoong looks at the waterfall behind me then back at me “Ah, yeah we docked further down where our boat is hidden from other incoming boats.” 

I squint my eyes and press the tip of the sword right where his heart is “You better not be lying, if you try anything I will personally be the one to kill you.”

Hongjoong smirks and gently pushes the sword away from his chest “No worries, I wasn’t planning on it. Like I said, I want an alliance.” I narrow my eyes “Why are you asking me?” 

He steps away from me and looks over at Seonghwa and nods. Immediately Seonghwa hits my hand causing me to drop the sword and grabs my hand and twists it behind my back but I lean forwards making him weaken his grip on my arm and slightly lose his balance. 

I take that as an opportunity to kick him behind the knees and pick up the sword where I tightly press the blade against his neck while I stand behind him. Hongjoong slowly claps while walking back towards me smirking “I’m asking because I want you to be my protector. I knew it when I first saw you training by the shore. Fluid like water and precise like a bullet.” 

Nobody’s ever referred to me like that. He sure does know how to compliment people, I’ll give him that.

 I press the blade a little harder on Seonghwa’s neck causing him to quietly hiss “I’m sorry but I barely even know you. I cannot just leave my family for a bunch of pirates I don’t even know. There is only one person who I’m going to kill and his name is Miyagawa Masaki. Killing another human isn’t in my book unless they’ve hurt me or my family in any way.”

Hongjoong’s features soften dropping the plotting smirk and extends his hand in my direction “Alright, let’s get to know each other then because what if I tell you there’s hundreds like him? Ruining the lives of the poor and defenseless? Killing innocent people and eliminating hundreds of bloodlines. Would that change your mind?” 

I glance down at Seonghwa who was stiffly leaning away from my sword his head gently resting against my stomach, he gives a scared but genuine nod of reassurance of Hongjoong’s words.

  For a few seconds Hongjoong and I’s gazes mutually connect, something in his gaze tells me maybe I should trust him. I mean I can easily overpower either of them if anything goes wrong.

 I remove the blade from Seonghwa’s neck and push him towards Hongjoong causing him to fall on his hands and knees “Get out of here before I regret not killing you.” 

Seonghwa gets up then gently puts his hand on Hongjoong’s shoulder “I don’t think she’s coming Captain.” Hongjoong turns to Seonghwa and gives him a smirk and proceeds to walk in my direction and chuckles “I’m sorry for that y/n I just really wanted to see you in action up close. I really didn’t mean for that to be a personal attack.”

 I roll my eyes “How am I supposed to trust you if you literally attacked me. If anything you’re making me not want anything to do with you.” He smiles and says “Ah, so you were considering it at some point then?”

 I cross my arms and look at the ground “Perhaps..” Hongjoong pushes a strand of hair behind my ear completely catching me off guard by this gesture “What if I told you that if you come with me you wouldn’t have to worry about anything, I’ll pay for it. I’ll pay for food and supplies for your village, for protection, and I’ll even add money so that your family doesn’t have to worry while you’re away.”

I blankly look down then back at him and almost silently I say “I don’t know.” Seonghwa hesitates for a second but then gently pats my back “You don’t have to decide right now, it’s okay.” 

Hongjoong gently pats my arm “How about I treat you for lunch then we’ll come back to how you feel about me.” I nod “Yeah sure, but I’m keeping your weapons.”

 Without turning my back on them I carefully step back and step back into to the river while keeping my eyes on both men and pick up the shotgun and pistol. “I’ll give these back if I approve.

 Also, just for that little stunt you played before we go you have to help me with the groceries I was carrying.” They both nod and we head back to the market then I point at the groceries on the ground with my sword “Go get my stuff pirate boys.”

 Both men walk over and pick everything up then Seonghwa says “Where to?” I walk in between them and begin walking back to my home. 

After a bit of walking In silence I finally muster enough guts to break the ice "So uh why exactly are you guys here in Eledonia?" Seonghwa answers ”Supplies honestly, we were running out of a few things but of course the Captain saw you training and he wanted to meet you so we kinda gave the supplies duty to the rest of the crew while we looked for you."

 I quietly hum “So how many other crew members are there?” Hongjoong answers almost on queue “There’s eight of us in total who are in charge of overseeing the main duties so the other six are doing the supplies duty. The rest are sailors who help us run the ship.” 

The more welk the more I notice we’re now in my village's territory then In a low voice I say “By the way please don’t act scary, we’re in my village’s territory now.” They both make reassuring hums and as we walk to my house the rest of the villagers stare at us, their gazes burning into my skin. I’m sure they’re probably wondering why I’m even with people like this. 

Out of seemingly nowhere I see a fellow villager walking towards us with a weapon in hand “Get away from them Metztli!” I extend both my arms in front of Hongjoong and Seonghwa causing them to abruptly stop “Acatl there’s no need! They won’t hurt us!”

 He walks over towards me and pulls me aside and swings his weapon at both males “Like hell they are..”

I unsheathe my sword and step in front of him fully stopping the weapon from hitting either of them “You are not going to hurt them. We are not in danger.”

 Acatl clenches the hilt of the weapon “They are not who they say they are, they are not good people. All pirates are just as bad as those stupid silver spooned goons, all they do is lie to get what they want.” 

I turn to Hongjoong and Seonghwa and under my breath I utter  “Stay back.” and lock my gaze into Acatl’s “Stop being ignorant, just because we were hurt by some soulless bastards doesn’t mean it’ll happen again.” 

I push his weapon back slightly just enough for me to be able to swing my sword at him and graze his arm then take another quick swing at his hand causing him to drop his weapon and clutch his bleeding hand on his knees.

 “How could you protect these men?! And betray your own people like this?!” I point my sword at him to stay down “I protect those who deserve to be protected and right now they needed my protection, if they were to ever betray my trust they shall have the same fate as my enemy.”

 He slowly gets up clutching his hand “You are wrong for this, you are wrong for going against our village.” I smirk sheathing my sword and dusting myself off “I didn’t go against my people, I simply made peace where there would have been unnecessary deaths.”

As Acatl was about to say something the chief walks up to us with anger tinged in his voice “What is going on here?”  before I’m able to explain anything I hear my mom yell at me from a distance with the rest of my family following after her and with surprise and utter fear on her features.

 “Who are these men Metztli?! Why are they here?!” before I can explain anything my father and grandfather come up next to my mother to try and calm her down  “What’s going on?” 

“I can explain. These men are not evil, they just came here to buy some supplies for their ship and they happened to see me struggling with the groceries so they’re helping me. Then this idiot Acatl starts attacking us and so I just prevented unnecessary deaths.” 

The chief crosses his arms in front of him still clearly upset “Metztli just because someone does a nice thing for you doesn’t mean they are good.”

 My dad gives Hongjoong and Seonghwa a glare “You know better than to lead strangers to the village. You can never trust these punks, especially men.”

 I nod “I understand but they’re not bad people father. They were just helping me.” My grandfather gives me a stern look “What did I tell you about trust Metztli? Trust only yourself, no one else.”

I turn and I signal both men to set the things down “They’re just now leaving don’t worry.” I begin to gently push them the other way then Hongjoong turns and says “I want her to come with us. I want her to protect me.”

 I look at him in horror and shake my head he looks into my eyes for a few moments, smirks and continues “If she comes with us I will pay for the supplies in your village and I’ll pay a militia to protect and alert us in case anything ever happens. I’ll also throw in some money so the village can be renovated since I see the places being inhabited are severely run down and you know for whatever else you need the money.”

 Hongjoong looks down at my little brothers standing behind my mother and gives them a soft smile “I promise the rest of our crew will not let anything happen to your daughter. I’m just putting this out there, there doesn’t need to be an answer right now since y/n herself isn’t entirely sure either.”

 Hongjoong gives me a small smile and pats my head while Seonghwa  gives me a reassuring nod “Well, we will go now.” Hongjoong adds then my grandfather responds “Come again tomorrow, but lunch is on you guys.” 

Slightly taken aback both men nod and smile. Hongjoong then says “We will return tomorrow, it’s a promise.”

The chief looks over at my grandfather and says “Are you sure about this? Welcoming strangers like this?” My grandfather watches the 2 pirates walk away while everyone else watches him in silence “Their proposition was interesting don’t you think chief? We’ll benefit out of this.”

 The Chief gives no response to my grandfather for a few seconds then looks over at Actatl holding onto his bloodied hand then back at me “I cannot get past just blindly trusting people we’ve never met before, it’s off putting not just for me but for the rest of the village.”

 My grandfather nods then turns and gives me a smile “We have my granddaughter if anything happens. She will protect her village at any cost no matter who it is. After all, It was I who trained her or what? Are you doubting my granddaughter’s prowess?”

 The chief stays silent then I give him a reassuring smile, like an indication that this situation was over everyone begins to head back to their homes including the chief. Acatl is the only one who stays behind and stares at me for a few seconds “If something happens this is your fault.” 

He walks away and I bite the inside of my mouth to hold back from further saying anything that’ll cause him to come back. To be truthful I am scared they may earn my trust then betray me but on the other hand I want to believe that nothing will happen and that they are genuinely good people.

The next day while taking a short break during training I hear the leaves rustling from behind and to my surprise it was Hongjoong and Seonghwa again. I’m pleasantly surprised they showed up, you’d think after what transpired yesterday they’d leave but I guess they aren’t weak hearted. 

“Hongjoong? Seonghwa? What are you guys doing here?” The blonde man extends his hand towards me and helps me up.

“I’m here because I want to thank you for yesterday.” I shake my head “Oh no sir I-” Hongjoong lifts his hand to silence me and says “You protected me and my first mate and I really appreciate that especially considering you had no obligation to do so. You could have easily let him kill the both of us but you didn’t.” 

He’s right, I didn’t need to save him. I could have let him fight his own fights but for some reason it’s like my body acted on its own. Seonghwa gives me a warm smile “For that we would like to ask you if you would like to be our friend. Our connection to Eledonia.” A connection? Me? Out of all the nobles or more important people here in Eledonia they ask me?

"I would be happy to be your friend." Hongjoong gives me a relieved smile “Well, that settles it. We are friends.” Seonghwa stands next to me and rests his elbow on my shoulders.

 "Okay, well maybe now that we're friends we should follow through with your grandfather and have lunch." I hum wiping the sweat off my forehead with a small cloth “Now that you mention it, I am kind of hungry.” 

Seonghwa squeezes my shoulders while behind me “Good, we’ve got some nice things prepared for you.” I squint my eyes “I would like to assume it’s a good thing and not a bad one.” 

Seonghwa and Hongjoong chuckle “It’s a good thing my dear, I had the cook of our crew make us some delicious food. They’ll be in the main square later serving the village so I’m sure your family will be there as well since we let them know this morning.”

 Seonghwa nods “Yes, so practice a few more hours and by then the food should be ready, we just came here and decided to give you some motivation so you’d finish your training strong.” I smile at both males “Seriously, thank you.” they both smile and Hongjoong responds “My pleasure, y/n. Anything to show you we’re worth trusting.”

 Wow, he really is trying his hardest if he’s going to go all out like this. Seonghwa excitedly smiles “We’ll see you later okay? Please come by, we’d really like for you to meet the crew” Wow, they really are so confident i’m going to leave. I look over at them and  nod “of course, I’ll be there no worries” Both men say their goodbyes and leave. I sit down for a few minutes and rest before I resume my training for the day.

After a few hours go by I decide to start walking home and the whole way there I think to myself why I saved these men and why was I being so selfless with them. Why did I feel the need to protect the Captain and his right hand man when I don’t even know them, this was all becoming so confusing to me. Not to mention my extreme trust issues with everyone, so I just can’t explain why I decided to trust them. Why am I so drawn to them?

When I arrive at the main square I see alot of people gathered around the front of my house. As I walk closer I notice Hongjoong talking to my grandfather while Seonghwa and another guy play with my siblings. 

There was an unknown male by the fire cooking and a few others whom I didn’t recognize but I knew were with “The Captain” judging by their clothes so those men must be his crew members. They’re feeding everyone I see, they’re really trying to win over not only my family but the whole village. 

I walk over to my mom and ask “Mom, when did they get here?” while watching my little brothers play she says “They got here a few hours ago. Hongjoong, the blonde one said he wanted it to be a surprise for you when you came back from training. You should go eat now, they brought meat! It’s your favorite.” I nod then I turn and see my grandpa and the chief speaking to Hongjoong, he looked happy. I hadn’t seen my grandpa smile since grandma died.

A sudden grip to my shoulder makes me slightly jump “You should go eat, the food will be gone by the time you’re done staring.” I turn and see Seonghwa holding a plate in his hand slightly out of breath giving me a sweet smile “Ah, hah I will sorry just got distracted.”

 I hope he didn’t think I was checking the captain out. That would be weird. Seonghwa walks over to me and hands me a plate of food and honestly it looked and smelled delicious. Roasted potatoes and meat. Meat is considered a delicacy and we can’t eat it very often because of how expensive it is so seeing it on my plate made my stomach rumble so I begin to eat before I even sit down.

 Seonghwa turns to me and chuckles “You like meat? It’s good right?” I nod while sitting down on the grass in front of the tree by the square since It was a little quieter here “I’m glad you liked it, I’m sure Wooyoung prepared it with his secret combination of spices. It makes things so much more tasty.” 

For a little bit there was a silence from the both of us eating but eventually I decide to get brave and ask “Are you guys really not going to hurt our people? Like you’re not doing this as a gimmick to gain our trust then kill or imprison all of us?” 

Seonghwa, slightly taken aback chokes a bit on his food and begins to cough, once a bit composed he clears his throat “No, of course not. We’re The Piece of Eight. We don’t steal from the people, we steal for them. All of our targets are all either royals, nobles, military chiefs or generals, politicians even but never the regular people who aren’t associated with that stuff. If anything we’re most infamously known for being anti government and helping villages who need it the most.”

So they’re basically like the story of Robin Hood, steal from the rich and help the poor. It’s understandable, the rich can be quite nasty. They’re very ungrateful.

 “Sounds a like a great cause, does that mean you have alot allies?” He slightly purses his lips “Somewhat, but it’s enough for it to help us not get caught.” 

I shove another spoonful of potatoes in my mouth “Also I guess I should explain this but, the reason Hongjoong needs an assassin and a protector is because the royals and government know about us now and they’re out to get the captain and knowing how he is he doesn’t want to appease the rich, much less the government meaning he’s going to keep doing what he’s doing even if he needs to kill people to get what he wants and what he wants is to put those people in their place and show them they’re not special that at the end of the day they’re a sack of skin and blood..”

 I stare aimlessly and un focus my gaze and without thinking I say “I agree with your agenda. Rich people are selfish and are out of touch with reality. They’re heartless and evil, I hate them. I hate them all.” Seonghwa furrows his eyebrows “Did something happen for you to strongly feel that way?”

 I set my plate down and shrug “Well, long story short the Saitor Kingdom invaded Eledonia and they killed hundreds of people and imprisoned alot of them as well. My village and other poor villages were taken as prisoners to work for the Saitors with the only pay was being fed enough to be kept alive. It was almost daily where there was an execution of a prisoner for seemingly stupid offences that had no reason to be that serious some of those were of course some members of my village. It was 9 years of complete and utter hell.”

The dark haired man sighs and says in a low tone of voice “I completely understand why you’d hate people like that. Some of us in the crew, specifically Hongjoong had the same luck as you except he was left with nothing.” 

A knot grows in my throat, as much as I didn’t know the Captain like that I can only imagine losing everyone you know and care about. “Meaning he has nothing left to lose.” I say with a knot in my throat and he nods “Yeah, which is why the crew is as close as it is because he considers us all his family.”

 I focus my gaze again and it happens to fall upon the Captain, seeing him smile while talking to the Chief, and my grandfather somehow broke my heart. As much as I know how annoying it is to be pitied, here I am doing it to a complete stranger who probably doesn’t want any of it. 

 “This is why he helps the people, because he knows his family would have wanted him to do something good with his life even if it’s somewhat subjective to other people.” So Hongjoong is a good guy, to be this young and already be so accomplished takes skill and he clearly has the skill and motivation for it all. Unfortunately at the cost of the people he loved the most.

“Sometimes it’s good to be going against the current, and I respect him for it.” Seonghwa adjusts himself more comfortably and puts his plate aside and exhaling softly.

“We all do too, but as of today I also respect you as well for enduring torture and witnessing such horrible atrocities everyday for 9 years, that must have been traumatizing.” I glance over at the people in my village, seeing how happy they looked.

 “Yeah, I guess seeing someone get shot in the face or get bludgeoned to death isn’t something a kid should be witnessing. Till this day I can still hear them choking on their own blood.” I look down at my hand and stipple my fingers on my palm.

 “I can tell you’re very close to the Captain.” I say changing the subject, it’s not that I don’t want to talk about it it’s more like I can’t talk about it because evreytime I do I can hear the blood squelching, bones breaking, and agonizing screams. They're so vivid. 

Seonghwa seems to catch on what I was doing and replies “We are actually, so close I know him like the back of my hand. Although sometimes it’s hard for him to show he cares so to a normal person it might look like he doesn’t care very much but he does he just does it differently than other people. Because to be honest I don’t think I’ve ever seen him be affectionate towards someone.” 

I giggle “Reminds me of my grandpa, he’s the same way. With my grandpa showing affection is him telling me stories from when he was a soldier or buying me some candy when we go to the market, things like that.”

Seonghwa chuckles and points with his eyes in the direction of Hongjoong speaking to my grandpa “No wonder they get along so well.” It’s so nice to see my grandpa smile, it’s been a while since he did.

 Ever since my grandma died my grandpa hasn’t smiled very much or that of all. In a way it seems like they’re both healing each other by speaking with each other. Suddenly I hear Hongjoong call out for Seonghwa, apologetically he looks over at me and says “I’m so sorry our conversation was cut short, Hongjoong is calling me.”

 I shake my head and motion him to Hongjoong “Go ahead I need time to myself anyway, I need to think whether or not I’m going to go with you guys.” Seonghwa reaches over and pats my shoulder “Alright, just remember do what your heart tells you not what others say.” I chuckle “I’ll keep that noted.” Seonghwa gets up and takes both our empty plates with him leaving me with my thoughts while I also observe the strange men here. No doubt they were all handsome and charismatic including Hongjoong and Seonghwa which is the reason why I’m assuming everyone grew to trust them so quickly. Even so, I’ll keep my eyes on them.

In the distance I see 2 black haired men walking towards me one had cat like eyes with dark hair and a grey streak in his hair, he was scrawny looking but has very wide shoulders while the other one had jet black hair, a strong jawline, and a small mole under his right eye. They both sit in front of me and smile “Hey, I’m Wooyoung and this is San. Hongjoong told us about you, so did you make up your mind? Are you coming with us?”

 Slightly taken a back from how forward  this Wooyoung guy is I shake my head “I don’t know, I’m not sure.” San gives me a dimpled smile “I hope you do, it’d be nice to have a new crew member.” 

Wooyoung looks over at San “Nah, you just want her to join us because she’s a girl.” San shoots a glare at Wooyoung “No, it would be nice if I could just have a reasonable person to talk to sometimes instead of an idiot like you who only says dumb things” Wooyoung teases San.“You have Yeosang and Yunho for that, they’re reasonable”  

I raise an eyebrow and smirk “Who says I’m reasonable though?” San looks at me like I’ve betrayed him while Wooyoung lets out a particularly loud laugh then I giggle “I’m just kidding, I’m y/n by the way.”

 I extend my hand towards San and smile almost without a second thought he reaches over and shakes my hand. His gaze connecting with mine with a small hint of awe he says “You have a nice name, It fits you really well.” Wooyoung then says “Is that really your name?” I laugh and nod “Yeah why? Does it throw you off that I have a universal language name instead of a more traditional name?” Wooyoung nods and says “Honestly yeah, but he’s right you have a nice name”

 If only they knew. So far they’re easy to get along with, I may end up taking this job just so my family stops being in the slums and my village as a whole is respected.

“So, how old are you guys?” I smile and look over at the two males and without hesitation Wooyoung replies “19, so is this guy. What about you?” I raise my eyebrow “You know you shouldn’t ask a girl her age, that's rude...” 

San stammers “I'm sorry we meant no disrespect..” I smirk “But if you must know though.. I'll give you a hint, i’m a few years older than you both” They both blink in shock then Wooyoung says “Wait how much older?” 

I shrug “Not more than 2 years” Wooyoung chuckles  “Ohh well you know I thought you were younger than us when I first approached you, you’re so short.” I scoff “I’m a girl of course I’m going to be short, common sense.” Wooyoung holds back a laugh “No I mean you’re short, short. I thought you were a child.” I roll my eyes “Yeah I am, short so what.” Wooyoung gives me a teasing smile While San says “You know that means you’re older than both our Captain and Seonghwa..” 

I raise an eyebrow “Are you guys calling me old?” They both shake their heads then Wooyoung nervously chuckles “Not at all! Actually, I was going to ask if you wanted some of the dessert I made. That’s the sole reason San and I came over was to ask.” I give them both a smile “Yeah sure, that would be nice. Thanks.” He gives me a smile and nods “Okay I’ll be right back, San stay.”

San lays back onto the soft grass and rests his hand on his stomach and replies " Sure, I'd love to.” Awkwardly I sit there for a few seconds not knowing what to say until San says “Listen, if you happen to join us and anyone in the crew ever says anything hurtful don’t listen to them, They can be bastards sometimes, it’s like they forget how to interact with other people.”

 I look up at the blue sky avoiding eye contact with him, feeling his gaze on me. “Thanks, I’ll keep that noted If I decide to go.” After this brief interaction San and I both look up at the sky in comfortable silence until Wooyoung comes back and hands me a small little bowl with some sort of probably foreign dessert and says “I’ve brought you dessert, I’m not sure how sweet you like things but it’s not overwhelmingly sweet. It’s a type of peach tart, it’s really good. I don’t know if you’ve ever had it before.” 

I examine the “peach tart” and to my knowledge I’ve never seen anything like it. “I actually have never seen anything like this before this looks very foreign to me, although I have seen cake before and we only have it for special occasions it’s very rare if we get to eat sugary things like this because they’re so expensive.” 

I take the silver ware he brought with him and take a bite out of it “Oh wow, this is delicious.” Wooyoung gives me a prideful smirk “That’s only because I made it.” I giggle and take another bite “Well your cooking is amazing, let me guess you cooked the meal today too didn’t you?” He nods with a big smile on his face then San says “Look at you, you’re so full of yourself.” He gives San a smirk “You’re just mad she didn’t compliment you.”

In the distance two more men walk up to where we were sitting except these two looked very tall, extremely tall almost like two twin towers. One had dark hair parted down the middle with the fringe of his hair adorning his soft puppy like features and the other one had black rimmed glasses, his hair was dark blue and had a neatly slicked back side part on his hair. 

Both men were definitely taller than Seonghwa for sure, and he was the person I originally considered tall. Wooyoung notices me staring behind him and he turns “Oh hey Mingi and Yunho, this is y/n. Hongjoong’s possible new protector and crew mate.” 

The dark haired one squints and looks at Wooyoung slightly confused then the one with glasses says “She’s so tiny, she looks like a doll…” Wow, I’ve never heard that one before, I was just called a child a few minutes ago. “You think Hongjoong will have her dressed up all cute and she’ll be like a cute killer doll or something?” 

The dark haired one’s expression looks at Mingi in disgust “Maybe you should stay quiet Mingi, you’ll scare away the Captain’s new protector.” Yunho then looks over at me and gives me a concerned look “He’s weird please don’t listen to him. Anyway, hello y/n I’m Yunho” Mingi then responds “I’m Mingi, hi ” I give them both a smile and shake both their hands “Hello, i’m y/n”

 Mingi gives me a very shy dorky smile then I cross my arms in front of my chest knowing exactly where he was looking “So, you guys are pirates right? So does any of you have specific roles or duties?” Wooyoung then says “Ah yeah we do. I’m the cook.” Yunho gives me a curt smile “I’m the doctor” San raises his hand shyly “I’m the craftsman, I fix and make things.”

Lastly Mingi pushes up his glasses and gives me a dimpled smile “I’m the navigator, I work out which way the ship needs to go and I check if the conditions are right for safe travel” Wooyoung continues “Hongjoong of course is the Captain, Seonghwa is the First Mate and Quartermaster which in short just means that he's Hongjoong's right hand man and if Mingi, Jongho or Yeosang need an extra hand he’s there to help.” 

I look around my front yard and point over at the two male figures playing with my brothers “What about those two? What do they do?” Mingi sits next to me and says “Well..Yeosang is the helmsman, the guy who steers the ship and keeps it going in the direction it needs to go while Jongho is the gunner which is a fancy word for the guy who sets up and orders the canons to be fired and helps Yeosang and I with surveillance.”

 I nod with my lips slightly pursed “Hm, wow that’s some awesome duties you guys have.” Yunho shrugs “It has their ups and downs, sometimes I second guess myself as to what I’m doing on that ship” San then says “What about you? What role do you play in your village?” I run my fingers below on the soft grass next to me “I’m poor, I don’t have a role. I have no influence or power. The most my family has done is my grandpa being an Eledonian soldier, he was the one who’s trained me since I was about 16 or 17 years old making that maybe 5 or 6 years of him training me.” 

Mingi gasps “Wait, wait, you’re older than all of us including Seonghwa?! You look so young, how is that possible?!” Wooyoung looks over at Mingi “We already freaked out about that..” Mingi rips out some grass from next to him and throws it at Wooyoung “Excuse me but I wasn’t here when that happened “ Wooyoung dusts the grass away “You snooze you lose, and geez stop that you’re going to get grass in y/n’s peach tart.” 

Mingi mocks Wooyoung causing him to roll his eyes and gets up “Okay I’m going now, I need to go clean up are you coming or not San?” San motions him to leave and closes his eyes “I’m fine where I’m at” Yunho gets up and follows behind Wooyoung “I’ll help!” Mingi gets up and pats my head “I’ll see you later little doll my companion has just left me.” He catches up with Yunho and Wooyoung. 

As soon as he leaves I let out a soft sigh and rest my head against the trunk of the tree looking in the direction of my family, mom, dad, siblings, and grandpa. What would life be without them? San noticing this he sits up and looks in my direction “Are you okay?” I nod and give him a smile “Ah, yeah I’m just exhausted from training this morning.” He nods and scoots over next to me “Ah, I see.” Ahh fuck I was going to get up after this.

I don’t want him to feel bad for getting up right after he sits next to me. I guess it wouldn’t hurt sitting here. “So.. do you have friends?” I continue staring ahead at my siblings and the whole scene before me and I press my lips into a line for a few seconds then a weak smile paints my features “I did at one point, but my obsession with training and everything kind of drove them away. That and I tend to stay in my own world and nobody wants to deal with those types of people.”

 From the corner of my eyes I can see San give me a look of pity then I continue “But that’s fine because I get more stuff done, having friends is a nuisance. “ He thickly swallows almost like he was going to say something but decided he wasn’t going to say anything and very slightly nods “I see, I’m sorry you feel that way.” 

I turn and give him a bright smile “Enough of me though, how long have you been with the crew?”  San thinks about his answer for a bit and says "Hm, like 2 or 3 years? I'm not sure but I've been here for a while." I slowly nod gently running my fingers through the grass "So since you've been out at sea for a bit you probably already know how it is out there." He hums "Yeah, it's pretty bad. More often than not there's always ships trying to rob us so we're constantly on guard not to mention the government being after us doesn't help at all."

God, that sounds horrible. Living every single day on fight or flight mode? On borrowed time? "Wow, that sounds…exhausting." San chuckles "Hah yeah, it is. The only difference is that having the crew there with you helps a lot. You forget the atrocities of the world for a bit until you have to face them all over again." 

San shifts his gaze from the sky over to me, despite his smaller frame it didn't take away from how handsome he looked which made his stare a bit more intimidating "Don't worry though, like I said you've got me if you're ever in a tight spot." I quietly nod and give him a shy smile “Oh, thanks.” we both sit there in silence again until I feel a sudden tap on my shoulder, when I turn around I see my younger brother standing there “So uh, brother kind of fell and he’s crying.”

 I let out a sigh “Dude, mom’s told you guys to be careful.” He nods “I didn’t do anything, he was being a show off with those pirate guys.” I get up and turn to San “I’m sorry. If you’ll excuse me I need to check on my brother’s dumbassry.” He chuckles and gives me a dimpled smile “Oh sure go ahead.” 

I give San a small curt smile and walk behind my brother leading me the way to my crying brother. When I arrive I see Jongho awkwardly patting my younger brother’s back trying to console him While Yeosang looks on slightly uncomfortable. Once he sees me Jongho looks over at me and says “Oh hey, your brother fell off the swing trying to show us a trick.” I cover my face in frustration and embarrassment then fake a smile looking at my little brother “Didn’t mom tell you to stop that?” He sobs nodding “I’m sorry, I thought it would have been cool for them to see.”

I close my eyes trying not to cringe out of my skin and open them gently patting his head “Look, you could show them those cool tricks you do playing ball. You could seriously get hurt doing that, I’m sure they’ll still think it’s cool. Right?” I look over at Jongho and Yeosang giving them the look of “Please say yes” then he looks over at my brother and nods “Yes, of course I’ll still think you’re cool. You don’t have to do something dangerous in order for it to be cool.”

 My little brother wipes his tear ridden eyes “Really?” Jongho nods “Yes, of course. Remember that trick Seonghwa showed you earlier that you got right away? You should show your sister.” My little brother looks over at Yeosang who was holding a ball then he gives my brother a reassuring nod. He gently throws the ball over at my brother and he kicks the ball making it over the branch of a tree behind them. Immediately both men cheer for my brother and I look over at him with a very impressed look on my face. “Wow, your aim is really good now..” My little brother nods and puts his hands on his waist looking very proud “Thank you..”  

After consoling my brother, I walk around to look for that San guy I was talking to but I couldn’t see him anywhere. I walk around the town square to see if maybe he’d wandered off there but nothing, it wasn’t until I was walking home I hear a faint low voice then some giggling shortly after. 

I noticed the voices were coming from the side of a fountain so I didn’t think much of it and continue walking until I hear “Sannie, stop that tickles!” causing me to halt in my tracks and feel a pit in my stomach. Unfortunately curiosity got the best of me and I walk over and peek behind one of the pillars of the fountain only to see San pinning a girl against it having a very intense makeout session that if anyone saw something similar would definitely guess they’re on the brink of coitus. Yeah no. That should have stayed a curiosity. 

I start walking away and let out a soft sigh with the pit in my stomach still feeling funny. Who would have thought that guy with such a sweet smile was a player? Actually you know what? I’m not surprised. Pirates are known to have many children scattered everywhere so I should have expected this in all honesty. 

The rest of the guys are probably the same including Hongjoong and Seonghwa, I mean they are men after all. Very good looking ones at that but for all I know some of them are probably married. Wait, wait, why am I even upset about this? Why am I even thinking about this? I don't even know the guy, this is ridiculous. He could bang all the girls he wants for all I care, I guess looks are deceiving.

Three days pass by since the pirates came by our village and every single one of those days Hongjoong and Seonghwa would stop by during my breaks in training to hang out which was kind of weird to me since I wasn’t used to all of this since my friends would never even want to talk about my training much less come visit me while I was actually practicing especially when I would practice with my gun, they’d always complain over how loud it was. 

Today was different though they didn’t even show up during my second break today which was unfortunate but they’re probably busy considering Hongjoong is the captain of a massive ship and Seonghwa is his right hand man so something must have come up. So when the sun was close to set now and I begin walking home I hear leaves rustling and to my surprise it’s the Captain himself only this time it was just him. “Hey Captain, it’s nice seeing you. Where’s Seonghwa?” He slowly walks over to me and I notice he has something in his hand, not a weapon of any sort it was an hourglass.

It was an hourglass with a beautiful golden frame and the sand being as pure white as the shore’s it was beautiful but I wonder why he has it with him. “Well, I came to talk to you.” Talk to me? With that expression honestly I’m wondering what exactly he’ll be talking to me about since he’s so serious. It’s probably not a good thing which is making me really nervous and hesitant to even ask. “Sure what is it? Is there something wrong?” 

He extends his hand and gives me the hourglass “When the sand runs out, we will be gone. You have until then to decide if you want to come with us if you want to get back at the Saitor Empire for what they did to Eledonia.” My stomach drops and suddenly I feel cold. This is exactly what I was dreading, having to choose between staying here and leaving. I look down at the trickling sand then back up at him and let out a sigh “We’ll be waiting here by the shore, where I first saw you.” I nod then he walks away disappearing into the forest and the first thing I instinctively do is my eyes well up with tears, this is it. I have to make my choice, choose my destiny.

 Am I going to be training forever and never get that bastard back or am I going to put my training to good use and finally make an example of that man? I walk home with tears in my eyes knowing the answer and what I must do, mostly so that my family and my village can live a good life at the expense of me risking mine.

 I go straight to my corner of the room and begin to pack my things that’s when my grandfather comes into the room and looks at the hourglass then shifts his gaze over at me packing my things while crying in silence then he decides to speak “I know you’ll do well my little Metztli, you’ll bring us justice. You’ll bring your grandmother justice and all the other people that we lost during those years thanks to those greedy men.”  

That’s when I finally break down and begin to cry my eyes out and hug my grandfather tightly “I’m scared grandpa, I’m scared I’ll let everyone down and I’m scared of not ever being able to see you guys again.”

He hugs me tight for a few seconds then pulls away with his arms on my shoulders “Sweetheart, you’ll see us one day this is not a goodbye but a see you later. In case my body ever decides it can no longer stay alive, just remember I’ll watch over you. I’ll never leave your side, ever. Your family will be here, your fellow clansmen will be here waiting for your victorious return.” 

He lifts my chin up to meet his eyes and says “Be the lethal soldier I’ve trained and make those people remember Eledonia, because staying here means you quit.” Teary eyed and more calm I nod then he smiles and gently pats my cheek and pushes a strand of hair behind my ear “That’s my little girl, the strong little Metztli.” I keep hearing that word “strong” but I honestly don’t feel like it. I feel weak. How could people see someone so strong when I see the weakest person on Earth for being so distraught over this. 

After talking to my family about my final decision my family along with the Chief decide they will send me off. When we arrive at the shore I see the massive ship whose flag proudly displayed was that of a skull inside of an hourglass. This was it.

Hongjoong stands at the top of the ramp and gives me a welcoming smile. I turn to my mom and give her a tight hug, one that lasts for quite a bit until my mom pulls away gently cupping my cheek “If you ever want to come back home we’ll be here sweetheart. Please take care of yourself, and remember we love you.” My mom's eyes well up with tears and I hug her again gently kissing her cheek.

 I look over at my dad who was intently staring at the ship and doesn’t move one bit until I finally say “Hey dad, I’m going now. Take care of mom, grandpa and my brothers.” My dad clears his throat and nods “Yeah, of course Metztli I’ll do that. You go ahead and have fun..” Although my father and I’s relationship has been strained for years I feel like I need to grow some balls and hug him because I never know when I’ll be able to see him again so I reach over and give my dad a tight hug. From the corner of my eyes and judging from the body language he awkwardly hugs me back. When I pull back my dad gives me a reassuring nod whilst still feeling awkward from the hug. I could tell he didn’t hate it though, he just struggles to show he cares.

 Up next I look at my grandpa who was looking at me with a fond smile then gives me a tight hug gently kissing my cheek. Once my grandpa pulls away from the hug he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a beautiful sea blue ring, puts it on the palm of my hand and closes it tightly. “It was your grandmother’s, it’ll protect you. She’ll be with you.” 

I smile and kiss my grandpa’s cheek and put the ring on my ring finger. Grandpa then pulls out a bundle that was strapped behind his back “Do me a favor and return these to the Captain and his friend. I’ve refurbished them and cleaned them up.” Their weapons, the ones they threw into the river. How did my grandpa know about it? Hongjoong must have told him when they were talking a few days ago. “Of course grandpa. I’ll let them know.” When I look over at the Chief he gives me a nod of approval and a smile.

From there, I begin to walk up the ramp to the ship until I feel a tug at my shirt. When I turn around I see it was both of my brothers “You forgot about us..” I bite the inside of my cheek and shake my head “Of course not, I just didn’t want you two to see your big sister cry is all..” I pull them both in for a hug gently patting their heads with one hand each. When I pull back the youngest of my brothers says “Grandpa told me and brother why you're leaving, don’t die please. Come back so you can see my tricks again when i’m better.” 

I give my youngest brother a smile and nod “Of course kiddo, I promise I won’t die…” My brothers give me one last hug again and run back down the ramp and into my mother’s arms. The closer I get to the top the harder it gets to take a step. Once on top the ramp is collapsed back into the ship and the ship begins to set sail. I walk over to the railing and wave goodbye to my family until they decide to go back home. That’s when Hongjoong puts a hand on my shoulder and says “I know it was a hard decision but I promise you’ll see them again.”

 I silently nod and he continues “Do you want Wooyoung to prepare you something? Are you hungry? Perhaps tea?” I shake my head and stare the now empty shore of Eledonia “I’ll stay here.” He gently squeezes my shoulder “I’ll get Seonghwa to come show you to your room a little later when you’re done okay?” In a barely audible voice I reply with “Yes Captain.” And there I sat in silence watching Eledonia until I could no longer keep my eyes open.

✦•·····································•✦•·····································•✦

Please Reblog if you liked it! 🔁

If you would like to be on the taglist DM me or leave a comment! 🌙

Taglist: @thanxx1117

If I catch anyone plagiarizing my work just be warned I don't play with that kind of stuff so don't try me..

Next Chapter

[cheolhub]

UR INVITED 2 CHEOLHUB'S 1ST BDAY BASH!

ABOUT THE EVENT ☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩

HELLOOOOO! ok first of all, no one comment on my header (unless ur complimenting it 😊), i dropped my art minor after 3 months bc i lack artistic skill and i’ve made it very clear here. NEXT, it’s not MY birthday but cheolhub will officially be a YEAR old on the 26th of august & i wanted to celebrate with a lil sleepover event :> i've had so many ups and downs while running this blog and have almost abandoned it more times than i can count, so i just want to say CHEERS to cheolhub (aka sar aka me) for making it this far <3 i am eternally grateful for every kind message, every piece of feedback, and everyone who has been supporting me and my silly lil blog. i love u guys sm and would’ve been long gone without you T^T <3 i hope you'll join the celebration!! -3- and if this flops, you’ll never hear from me again /j /j /j

i knowww it’s early, but i start uni classes again next week (my last semester, yay 😻) and i wanna have time to do an event T-T

SLEEPOVER DATES ☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩

this event runs for about two weeks! from sunday, august 13th to sunday, august 27th. any asks sent after august 27th will be deleted!

please note that i’ll still be working on asks (if i have any left) even after the event is closed.

EVENTS ☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩

！★﹕ᶻ﹐LET'S EAT﹒

☆︎ who's hungry? 👹🍽 request a short (less than 1k) drabble and you shall receive. i will be writing the first 5-10 requests due to my busy uni schedule :3 — choose a prompt (or two) from this prompt list + a member from seventeen, txt or the boyz! [closed] (ik the list isnt numbered, so just copy + paste ur preferred prompt(s) ><)

★︎ mtl for seventeen and txt! [open]

☆︎ hard hours for any group i write for! [refer to my guidelines to see who i write for] [open]

！★﹕ᶻ﹐ TIME 4 SELF CARE﹒[open]

★︎ let's do the things that make us happy! what makes us happier than being delusional and horny? you guessed it! being shipped with a hottie 😻 — this is the SHIP GAME + i’ll give you a silly little trope to kickstart ur epic romance

☆︎ OR opt for a personalized moodboards or playlists based off the vibes you give off! (mutuals can get both a moodboard and playlist if they’d like bc i would diy for all of u -3- just say u want both so i know<3333)

note: anonymous senders, please send me a few bits of info like your mbti, ult group and/or bias (does not have to be a group i stan!), star sign (big three if you know it), favorite color, etc. basically anything you want to share + one of the options above. mutuals can ask for any of the above, but providing info is totally optional!!

！★﹕ᶻ﹐WANNA PLAY A GAME?﹒[open]

☆︎ q&a!

ask me anything! favorite movie, how i got into writing, what i do when i’m not writing, why i only ult leaders etc. but please nothing too personal!

★︎ my opinions on literally ANYTHING!

☆︎ ask me for fic recs or give me fic recs!

★︎ fuck, marry, kiss (not kill bc i do not condone violence… not on here at least /lh)

☆︎ would you rather

note: you can send as many of these as you’d like :p i like answering them <3

RULES ☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩

everything for this event will be tagged under #[ birthday bash ! ] you can block the tag to avoid seeing the posts!

please make sure to get your ask in within the time frame (aug 13th-27th)

minors, please please please do not interact!

be respectful and patient! — the drabbles, mtls & hard hours may take longer for me to get through, but i’ll try my absolute hardest to get them done in a timely manner <3

when sending an ask, be sure to mention the event so i can differentiate between those and my regular asks :)

have fun! ⭐️⭐️

[gortius-viii]

Flag podcasts reviews

How do you do, fellow flag nerds?

Over on my twitter I've been writing over the seasons a thread of reviews of the many vexillological podcasts to be found on Spotify at least, as that's where I listen to podcasts. And I think that i might as well port it over here so those lucky people without Twitter may read it and enjoy those podcasts too.

Here you'll find the original thread.

And you can listen to everything I mention in this hand-crafted Spotify playlist, enjoy!

As you probably figured out, reviewing a whole-ass podcast in less than 280 characters can be a bit tricky and limiting, but I would say that they are pretty decent nonetheless. I'll expand on any I am not sure about, and be sure to send me some you've found yourself, and I guess that I'll be amending this post if that's the case. Also, the reviews were originally in Spanish, so I'll try my best to translate them as faithfully as possible. Without further ado, let's begin.

Episodes 140, 446 and 447 of 99% Invisible

Very well produced and informative. They share very interesting and not very well known stories relating to flags. I just with there was more of them! The Roman Mars city flags TED talk is a good companion to this podcast.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

2. Vexed Flag Podcast

A entertaining and informative podcast in which two friends talk and discuss the history and meaning of the flag the episode is about. I like the flag selection and the fact that they have a complementary instagram. Well produced.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

3. The Vexillocast

Another podcast in which two friends talk about flags. This one has a few monologues that serve as a sort of introduction to vexillology. The discussions are interesting, but it's a bit too informal and amateur for my taste. Also they're very lefty which was very funny to me.

⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

4. Vexillum

In contrast to the other ones reviewed here, this one only has one caster. It is very short and only covers the principles of vexillology and vexillography. Also not as formal as the other ones, and weird things happen to the music and voice sometimes.

⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

5. Why the flag?

Another podcast in which flags are monologued about. This one is centred around telling the story of a different flag every episode. Very well produced and even tells things I didn't know about. The definition of a vexillological podcast.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

6. A Kiwi, 2 Brits, & A Yank - Talk Flags

The natural extension of the Instagram account of the creators. The episodes are a bit too long but entertaining until the end. I'd say it's a podcast for the vexillonaire (someone passionate about flags), but not the vexillologist. We'll have to see where it goes.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

7. Banderista

It tells very interesting things that even I didn't know, and it is the only podcast in Spanish, which makes it even better. The only thing I disliked was that I felt like it was all improvised, and the music constantly sounding in the background can be annoying.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

8. Flag Theory

The perfect example of "short & sweet". Episodes less than 20 minutes long, in which the flag is evaluated and it's meaning explained. In the last episodes the people interviewed are really interesting.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

9. Flagged For Content

I don't know how they do it, but the podcast just keeps getting better. Every guest is interesting and special in their own way, and the flag selection and following discussions are also great. Must listen.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

10. Flagged (English version)

Very similar to Flag Theory, it describes the flag, it's meaning, and the changes that it has undergone. There isn't enough content in my opinion. I wish there were more episodes, they're all pretty short, under 10 minutes always. You aren't loosing anything by listening to it.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

11. Passion Project Podcast

Nothing special. It is a short podcast composed of short episodes that talk over the basics of vexillology. Unfortunately it has several editing mistakes, such as the audio repeating and such.

⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

12. Unfurled: The story of our flags

SURPRISINGLY good. Well produced, the music, the narrator, and the script are surprisingly good, it also talks about unusual things of vexillology. I just wish there were more episodes.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

13. pride flags / Fun with flags 1 / Fun with flags: Episode 1, Italy, Peru and Kenya / Flags / Fun with flags

Amateur. They're superficial with the meaning of the flags and except some cases it's nothing serious. It is clear that they were school projects. Don't recommend.

⭐️⭐️/5

14. Episode "Vexillology" of Timeless with Julie Hartman

Surprisingly good. Explores the basics of vexillology and it's based on and goes into detail of the contents of the book "Worth dying for" by Tim Marshall. Not too deep and well produced. BUT, I do want to warn you, this programme in general is financed by the Pragers, and the rest of the podcast is very clearly neoconservative and conspiratorial propaganda.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

15. Interview with Silvio Fernández in Pausa café podcast

Doesn't deliver on it's promises. It has nothing to do with vexillology but rather the symbols of two cities: the place where the interviewer and interviewee are from, and a Italian city were a congress was taking place. The audio quality is also dreadful. Not worth it. It is also in Spanish, if that's relevant for you.

⭐️⭐️/5

16. Episode "Vexillology with E. Tory Laitila" of the Ologies podcast

Fantastic. Entertaining from beginning to end, it covers frequent questions and facets of vexillology, while also some obscure ones. My only complain is that the host was just constantly surprised and that was a bit annoying. Recommend a lot.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

17. Episodes 69 (nice), 70 and 71 from the Hágase el mae podcast

It's interesting seeing two people go into the world of vexillology almost from 0. It's not very deep, it boils down to them reviewing flags, but if you have the time, it's fine. Also, it's in Spanish, AND for Spanish speakers this may be a bit hard to listen too (it certainly was for me) because of the costarican accent they've got.

⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

18. "Vexilología: La ciencia de las banderas", in the Ciencia del fin del mundo podcast

Imagine you put a flag nerd in front of a micro, well, the result is this podcast. And also the flag nerd in question is the boss of the two hosts. Very funny.

⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

And that was my review of every vexillological podcast I have heard yet. Thank you for sticking around if you have and I hope you listen to some the ones that caught you eye. Until next time!

[rnanqo]

how do you keep the momentum going on your original story? i'm impressed and amazed at how often i see a post about something the characters did or about the act you're on now

this is a great question and honestly, treasured online pals who will like my silly posts are so so so important so i am delighted you asked!! but I do wanna break down the motivation/how I keep myself going parts because it took me literal decades to figure out how I work best and take advantage of that

- knowing where the book is going, both storywise and careerwise. the initial idea had a hook and an ending i’m dead set on, so I am constantly writing toward that. I have written so many books where I didn’t have an ending in mind and frankly, ick, blegh, that’s the least successful way for me to write anything. careerwise I’d love for this to be a tradpub debut novel, which means I have to query literary agents, which I have done before, so I know how I need to shape the project and have been tinkering with the query & synopsis on the side, both because doing that helps tighten the story as I go and because I know I hate writing those things after the book is done. basically…plans! I know what work I need to do and i know that I can do it

- also, deadlines! external deadlines are basically the only way I do anything. for the past year and a half I’ve been in a monthly critique group I have to send 5k of writing into every month, and I’m joining a summer novel swap for which I have to have a beta-readable draft by the end of this month. self-imposed deadlines do nothing for me I need to join groups and classes and things

- making tumblr posts about the book and seeing little hearts appear is VERY motivating and I am shaking everyone who’s ever cheered me on in that way gratefully by the hand. yes, you, the person reading this! you help keep me going!! im like tinkerbell if nobody claps i’ll DIE

- momentum does wax and wane though. from mid-March to the end of April I did barely anything on the book because BG3 consumed my brain. but that’s ok!! I felt mildly guilty about it but I find the distractions pass sooner if I just throw myself bodily into them. I’ll always get back to a project eventually

- and the love-of-the-project part. i just love the world and characters I’ve created so much and I like watching them make each other suffer! I’m having fun!!! and I know that that’ll eventually turn into the ��I feel nothing for these people and cannot think about them for another second” stage, which is when I will need to take a break and play bg3 for another solid month

- unexpectedly, hozier? the project playlist is like 75% hozier punctuated by a single 3OH!3 song. I do a lot of brainstorming by listening to music on walks/drives and this project imprinted on hozier i guess. thanks hozier!

overall all these things sort of combine into a sense that the book is compelling me to write it, instead of the reverse, which feels like me pulling words out painfully by my fingernails. when I start feeling like I’m dragging the words into existence kicking and screaming, I take a break. obviously nobody’s wholly inspired ALL the time, but I understand how I work and have set things up so there’s always something that spurs me onward. never underestimate the motivational power of being able to shitpost about it

[thehare1234]

Song shuffle- QL Edition

I saw this post by @ppeonppeonhan and thought it was really fun so I wanted to give it a try! Basically it's just shuffling your on repeat playlist, then trying to match it to a QL character/ship. This combines two of my favourite things: TV show analysis and music analysis so I thought it would be fun, and it was :)

1. Feel Good by Charlotte Cardin- Uea and King, BedFriend

This song is basically about being in a really intense and passionate relationship with someone. A lot of the lines are focusing on the intense physical desire for someone You make me feel good/ Ta main sur ma taille/ Ensemble dans le taxi/ C'est vraiment super sexy . It's being with someone who just physically and emotionally makes you "feel good". Anyways it's also just lowkey a really horny song but also about being in love so of course I thought of these two.

2. Rudimental by Mei Jun- Zhou Shu Yi and Gao Shi De, We Best Love

This song is about someone reminiscing on a past relationship, seeing the ghosts of it in their life and having a hard time moving on from it. I can't help but imagine what you're up to/ I can't shake all the things I used to know about you I think this song would apply to both ZSY and GSD in We Best Love, season 2. Most of the song I would say mirrors what ZSY was feeling, the confusion of what he did wrong and why GSD left him We never fought about nothing/ Now was that a you thing or was it all because of me too? Finally, I think the end of the song really leans into more GSD's perspective of the events with I wanted to tell you all about it, would've been no use, no use, no use The song is pretty bittersweet, and really shows someone who is not ready to move on from a relationship, but is trying to which is really where I feel these characters are at the beginning of season 2.

3. Baby by Summer Walker- Adachi and Kurosawa, Cherry Magic

Yay! An excuse to talk about Cherry Magic. This song is super short and sweet with someone talking about their crush/love: Got my heart workin' overtime/ Got my mind going crazy/ Either way long you alive, you my baby This song could work for a lot of couples but with lyrics like: Hey baby, ooh/ And I just can't get right to it/ If you leave I just might lose it, lose it , it's just a little bit unhinged enough that I could picture Kurosawa singing it (maybe composing a poem of it in his head who knows).

4. Espresso by Sabrina Carpenter- Prapai and Sky, Love in the Air

Listen, did Prapai use questionable methods to get Sky to talk to him? Yes. But you can't deny that this man was obsessed with Sky. Sky truly embodied the And I got this one boy/ And he won't stop calling line to the max. Also: I can't relate to desperation/ My give-a-fucks are on vacation, like my man was truly embodying this vibe. Also my other option for this was Hira and Kiyoi so idk if that would have been better.

5. Nobody but You by Sonder and Jorja Smith- Kang Seo Joon and Han Ji Woo, To My Star

Alright this song is super angsty. It's essentially about two people talking about a break up, one is asking for a second chance while the other is figuring out whether it's worth it. The chorus has them doing a back and forth: Don't think you cared about me/ Oh, girl I care about you/ But you don't care 'bout nobody/ Nobody but you. Which I think summarizes how Han Ji Woo is a stoic person, but he really cares for Kang Seo Joon and has made mistakes. The lines: Swore I'd be there, swore that I'd catch your fall/ I guess I couldn't handle it mirror his decision in the show where he harmed KSJ. Overall this song is about two people who still have immense love for one another, where one person was seriously harmed by the other. They are trying to figure out if it's the right idea to try a relationship again, will things really be different?

6. Must’ve Been A Ghost by Proxima Parada - Shin Ki Tae and Lee Wan, Our Dating Sim

This song is essentially about someone being ghosted, and their frustration with that. I could see the whole song being Shin Ki Tae's perspective in Our Dating Sim: Even a 'no' would be alright/ Even a 'sorry but not today'/ A sign of life would bring relief or If I call you, you ain't gonna answer/See my problem is I want you/ To know who I am. I also think this line: Are you one of those people/ That would rather disappear/ Than show up and disagree? really captures the show well, because that is the main issue with Lee Wan. His fear of being rejected or seeing Shin Ki Tae uncomfortable with his feelings leads him to run away. He was too scared to stick around for a response and instead chose to run away.

7. Too Well by Reneé Rapp- Ritsu and Masumi, The End Of The World With You

Too Well has Renee Rapp reminiscing about a break up that she hasn't fully moved on from. She cycles through anger and sadness between I'm back where I started again/ Cryin' and callin' my friends/ This shit never ends and I still see your face/ I hate hearin' your name/ you're my biggest mistake

I think this song captures how Masumi is feeling before the events of The End of the World With You. He still hadn't fully moved on from Ritsu and was stuck in this negative cycle. I think the chorus also describes his thought process well:

I get so sick of myself/ Can't stop overthinking/ I heard you're happy somewhere else/ But I don't forget too well.

8. Pears by Weston Estate- Jae Won and Kim Ji Hyun, The Eighth Sense

This song has a really dream-like feeling to it, but also seems to filled with regret and angst. I think the overall vibe of it matches well with how I felt watching the Eighth Sense. The band who made the song described it as: "we were able to drown out all the noise and just focus on music during a time where we had a lot of self-doubt. Making ‘Pears’ was an outlet for us to talk about how that uncertainty was affecting our relationship with ourselves and the people we love." I think this song mirrors a lot of Jae Won's emotions throughout the whole show, especially the pre-chorus: Sometimes I feel alone/ Hide in my secrets you need to know/ I cannot feel no more/ All of my demons with me at home .

9. Red Wine Supernova by Chapell Roan - Mon and Sam, Gap

It's literally illegal for me to not give this song to a GL couple lol. The whole idea of this song is detailing the feeling of having feelings for a girl and is overall just fun and raunchy. For this I have to give it to my girls Mon and Sam, as much as their relationship was a little more angsty than that. At the end of the day, the lyrics: Baby, why don't you come over? Red win supernova, falling into me describe an intense (supernova) wave of feelings, and attraction to another person, and Mon and Sam have plenty of that.

10. John Redcorn by Sir - Ray and Sand, Only Friends

This song is based on the idea of someone being in love with someone who also has someone else. This person is willing to go through a lot of pain and suffering as long as in the end they are chosen by the person they love. I think it really gives Sand's perspective of the whole Sand/Ray/Mew mess with lines like: I really hate that I give a fuck/ Pressin' my line, I don't want to pick up/ I play hard to get, she keep callin' my bluff or You don't ever bring me good news babe/ I just wanna be the one you choose, babe.

+ Bonus. November by Mahalia (feat. Stormzy)- Nomoto and Kasuga, She Loves to Cook, She Loves to Eat

Ok, this was only supposed to be 10 songs but then THIS was the next song and it fits so perfectly with their relationship that I had to include it.

Looking at the chorus: I'll be right there till the flame turns to an ember/ I'll be right there until you can't remember/ How we met that winter night back in November/ I'll be right there, I'll be right there forever

This is just a classic love song about lasting love. It's about being there for someone through thick and thin and establishing a life together after the passion or honeymoon phase. There's no other couple I think embodies this more than them <3

OK. That's it, this got really long. But, it was really fun so I can't complain. Feel free to tell me I'm wrong or bash my music taste haha

[soop-musical-fool]

Ok I said I would make a pin full of music so here it is

First off, I mentioned KNOWER. It's a long project that started a really long time ago, but their best stuff is probably coming out like right now. As in, they are just about to release a new album, KNOWER FOREVER. The singles on it are incredible, like I'm The President just comes right out the gate with the fattest walkdown I've ever heard from a horn section. The B section makes it feel like I'm enjoying a song like I would a multiple-course meal. Then Crash The Car just transfixes you. Yes, yes, you should listen to those, but don't neglect the fire they put out in 2017 because you owe it to yourself to watch the live sesh of Overtime:

Oh god this post is gonna make viewing my blog super annoying isn't it

Anyway the next thing I gotta mention is Vulfpeck. These guys are famous for scamming Spotify, basically. They released an album full of 30-second tracks of pure silence, just absolutely nothing, titled Sleepify. They got online and said "Yo guys, help us raise money for a free concert by listening to this on loop while you sleep." What they were actually doing was exposing a loophole in the way Spotify calculated royalties, and before they could pull the album (citing "content policy violations," of course), Vulfpeck had already bagged around $20,000, so they put on the completely admission-free Sleepify Tour, which was incredibly fucking based of them.

Vulf went on to become several spin-off projects, all entirely independently released and full of some of the stankiest funk fusion that I cannot stop listening to.

My favorite of these projects, The Fearless Flyers, is headed by Cory Wong, with a guitar idol of mine for 5+ years Mark Lettieri and of course the government subsidized active bass of Joe Dart, but the keystone of the group is no doubt Nate Smith on drums. Dude makes a three-piece set onstage sound like a full kit.

Like just look at what they can do with the added power of sax:

And yeah, I could just talk about those guys, but let's get weirder.

I'm talking modal. The kind of stuff that makes my choir-trained mother cringe inward at the dissonance. Let's talk about the crunchiest, most feral fucking harmonies and keyboard solos that make you question what you thought you knew about chord progressions and key centers.

Obviously anyone super into this stuff will have already heard of Jacob Collier, so I won't show him. But THIS:

I listened to this the first time and it was just.. too much. I put it in its own specific playlist titled "very complex shit" immediately. When I went back to it, enough time had passed and I had learned enough that after way too many listens I can actually follow along with this insanity. This track blew my fucking mind, dude. I have never heard a chorus use so many of the 12 chromatic notes and still sound heavenly. The groove changes add so much texture. The flute solo goes off way too hard. The slower final section is just disgusting syncopation when the drums come back in. Everything about it is incredible, and this album came out in 2007. I am staring back at years of my life I spent not listening to this and ruminating my lack of music theory knowledge. And when I wanted to see if some kind transcribing jazz grad student like June Lee had uploaded anything of System, I found a 2020 reboot with 24 musicians playing System for over twice its original runtime, and guess who did the showstopping final solo??

JACOB FUCKING COLLIER.

Look him up if you don't know. The other musicians I obsess over inspire me. This guy makes me want to quit.

[12neonlit-stage]

Ooo you wanna info dump abt random info about your AU(s) sooOooo baaaAadD boOoooo

Ok so I'm gonna info dump about my newer AU, S:F12

Basically!! It's a racing AU 🏁 !

The races have no rules (as in you can use any vehicle, weapons etc you want... or none if you're sonic), and anyone can enter if they win the preliminaries, but thing is, people CREATE or genetically enhance others just to enter them which in turn makes it so there's a huge black market for that kinda stuff, and the races are mostly controlled because of that by the people with the least morals and most money.

But one thing's for sure, there no rules sure, but the races should never be fixed the boss of the race, even though he does like the money circulating from the betting on races, he's just loves the racing aspect itself (and yes, big boss is in fact Eggman). In this AU he's an extremely powerful man so cops stay out of his way when it comes to these... but only if the entrees are only beastmen (or mobians whatever I don't like that name) because they're seen as "lesser" than humans, think VIVINOS's alien stage for example, the situation is very similar to that!

Also! The races are sponsored by a certain fashion company.. yep! Honey sponsors the races and makes outfits herself for her favourite racers. You might think it's a bit odd considering she's a beastman and how they mistreat them usually in that industry but she does what she could to just get by and not find herself in that position too. Sonic is a bit wary of her because of that but they become somewhat friends later on and I'll properly get into detail about that some other time-

Ok all of the main sonic guys are entered in these races, all of them representing specific companies or powerful groups... except for sonic who enters independently because he wanted a challenge (no one knows him since there is nothing for him to same etc)

In the end, I'm guessing sonic would manage to destroy that whole event from the inside out while making other racers help him out!

Also, here's a Spotify Playlist for the AU (the base remix might sound like it doesn't belong but it's like a "menu" theme, or a customizing screen OST)

[joyswonderland1108]

This fucking fandom

Ah fuck i can’t even fucking get sick in peace!! Just when i allow myself to rest a bit from posting shit happens and i find myself coming back here to rant or whatever i should call it at this point.

So the other day i was writing a post as a follow-up to this post : 

But i just deleted it, i was like uh yeah maybe i’m being a bit too harsh.. WRONG!! I knew this fucking fandom didn’t deserve no pity, my bad i should’ve just posted it. 

So in my follow-up deleted post i was saying how i didn’t want anyone to come to me with that bullshit excuse of “But we’re streaming, we’re basically working hard for those achievements to happen so why won’t Letter be about Army since we work hard for him” and honestly this is where the entitlement comes from. Some people believe that just because they stream, buy and post that means they have all the rights of ownership over the members, yes OWNERSHIP.

I then carried on by explaining how not everyone who fought to get Jimin on top wasn’t necessarily because they love him but for some they just wanted one member of BTS to be on top out of pettiness towards other fandoms and they needed to flex, didn’t matter which member as long as it’s a BTS member who will keep BTS’s name superior, and it so happened to be Jimin this time. 

Now you may wonder why tf am i bringing up a post i actually ending up deleting or actually didn’t even post? Well with Yoongi’s upcoming release.. I don’t even need to say it now do i? I guess you’re pretty much getting what i’m trying to say but let me just put words out here. 

I’m not here to talk about how close Yoongi’s release is to Jimin’s, this is something they probably went over with each other and with the company it has nothing to do with me or us or anyone else can’t really say much about it but what i can talk about is Army’s hypocrisy. When i posted about Yoongi’s D-Day announcement i clearly mentioned that I personally along with some other Army i know would either try to find or make a Yoonmin focused playlist, since Jimin promo period was cut short, we still wanted to keep pushing it while still streaming for Yoongi. 

Now what is happening is mfrs who are dropping Jimin completely to focus solely on Yoongi. When Smf pt2 dropped and the whole FACE album released, playlists were still encouraging streams for Smoke Sprite and On the street, we were still trying to keep the boys at higher ranks doing the effort to do a proper streaming for Jimin all while not dropping any other member. 

Now those people do realize that Yoongi will have his album trending from now till June, while Jimin won’t necessarily be able to still keep up with a proper promotion schedule because that would be interfering with Yoongi’s release, and fucktards couldn’t even bother keeping up with streaming or at least think about a Yoonmin playlist too. It infuriates me how for me despite being Jikook biased i’m still willing to do as much effort for Yoongi as i did with Jimin because i’m OT7 after all but assholes out there pretending to be OT7 yet became completely blinded. 

And for some fucking reason Jimin or Jikook biased Army (not solos) are all so excited for D-Day and preparing to stream for both, so tell me why tf can’t other Army do the same thing? Was messing with that one other fandom all it was for them? “Let’s get Jimin that #1 to piss them off” is that it? He worked his ass off to share something very personal with us, shared his struggles, a deep and dark part of himself just for Army to treat it as a threat to other idols and fandoms? 

I swear this motherfucking fandom is toxic and unhealthy, as Joon said “You changed” Aka you fucking suck! I don’t even know how to put anymore words i’m just trying to recover but God fucking dammit!

[alloveydovey]

Dramas from this past month. I'm having such a hard time finishing things 😭

The Forbidden Marriage (rewatch) (kdrama) 9 ⭐️

A broken-hearted king imposes a seven-year ban on marriage, and after claiming to be able to channel the deceased crown princess, the FL ends up as one of his court ladies. Both the king and the officer assigned to protect her (the king's closest friend) end up developing an interest in her.

I love it so much that it became a comfort drama. I’m not into love triangles (who is?), but I looved every aspect of it. It’s a bit crazy how they go from extreme comedy to extreme drama, I’ll admit, but the actors deal with it really well. Romance is 11/10, the usual historical visuals are stunning, and the comedy had me laughing hard.

Love Me, Love my Voice (cdrama) 7.5

Nothing more soft and warm than watching these two characters fall in love. There are no obstacles here, just a doctor/voice actor wooing a senior student/singer/composer with the magic of cooking.

On the other side, because there are no complications, it gets boring. The characters get together way too soon for a drama where nothing happens. Luckily the second couple is as entertaining (if not more) as the leads. So, the main reason I continued watching, honestly, was because of them.

Secret Playlist (kdrama) 7

Cute 8 episode drama about an internet music composer and an idol who join forces to create music. Romance was a bit mid, but the songs were cute as hell, and so were the leads.

And Yet, You Are So Sweet (jmovie) 7

This was adorable af. A little silly (as usual with school love) but I liked the vibes. Girl confesses to her crush, he turns her down harshly and popular boy offers himself as a replacement for the crush. They both start a game where he basically lends himself to her so she can have a fake crush on him and forget about the other guy, except he obviously has feelings for her and she starts having real feelings for him as well. It’s a weird premise, but it gave out a lot of cute moments.

D.P. Season 2 (kdrama) 10

I’ve never watched a season 2 from a drama, and from what I’ve gathered, most of them usually disappoint or are good but don’t come close to the first season. Well, for me, this one was not the case at all. It just felt like a continuation of the first part. I'd say I even enjoyed this one more. Also, I miss theeeeem.

Sixteen Shoukougun (jdrama) 7.5

Okay, so basically, a fuckboy with mommy issues wants to get in between a "tomboy" girl who is known among girls as a prince and her best friend, a girl suffering from severe PTSD. He initially tries to go for the PTSD one, but soon realizes that her friendship with the "tomboy" girl is a little... special. After a few interactions, though, he begins to actually like the "tomboy" girl. In between all this, a sensible boy who is deemed "feminine" is thrown into the mix.

I'll be honest, I went into this one thinking it'd be gl but got disappointed it wasn't the case. At the same time, I actually enjoyed tomboy and fuckboy's relationship too. It's all a bit crazy, especially the friendship between the girls, but I was low-key into it. Fuckboy redeems himself, so I was okay with it, I guess? I don't know, jdramas are extreme, man. What I liked a lot about this one (apart from the sick intro that goes really hard) was how they showed the characters' feelings and the overall theme of just being 16 and growing up around prejudice, abandonment, and liking someone regardless of gender.

Our Secret Diary (jmovie) 8.5

Girl finds a love confession note on her classroom desk from the popular guy in school. Confused about it, she decides to answer him and soon begins exchanging secret notes until she realizes that the note was actually meant for her best friend.

This cute little school movie was very cliché but absolutely perfect.

I am Not a Robot (kdrama) 8/8.5

Here's to me never adding this one to my list because I was not into robots and stuff like that at all, and then completely ignoring my watchlist and going for it since I've read it's very cute.

The comments were right. The storyline is a bit wack and unreliable buuuut, as usual, the main leads make up for it with good acting and adorable scenes.

I'm adding these ones even though I didn't really finish them he ⬇️

The Matchmakers (kdrama) 8/8.5, because it's actually good, just a bit heavy.

Another comedy with Rowoon, sign me up. This one took me a while to get into because even though it was clever, the comedy was really good, and the mockumentary style rocked, there were just too many politics in it for me to fully dive into. I’d get lost and bored at times. It picked up after episode 5, though, and by episode 7, it was definitely more fun. It's more entertaining when they focus on the leads and the ladies they are supposed to set up. I still haven't finished it yet because... I don't know. It is a kind of slow drama, and I don't think I fully get what's going on with the murder and politics.

I May Love You (cdrama) 6.5

Oof. I have so many opinions about this one. ML asks FL to help him woo her best friend not knowing that FL has been in love with him for the past four years. FL fails to help him (on purpose lol) and after spending some meaningful moments together decides to confess in what I like to call the lousiest confession ever. ML rejects her but regrets it later on.

I'm always a girls girl, but here... FL was testing me. The ML spends most of the drama groveling because the FL is mad and upset he asked her for help wooing her friend and then rejected her (also rejected her book project which is possibly the worst thing he did) But the thing is, ML didn't even know FL liked him when he asked for help in the first place, and I believe he had every right to reject her after she told him she liked him because he was rich and handsome. Like?? Who confesses like that? And that's basically the whole drama. I don't know why they thought it'd be cute for the FL to have a wall full of his pictures and then forcefully kiss him. Truly not a good-written character.

A Good Day to Be a Dog (kdrama) 8

I'm gonna finish this, I swear. The whole girl turns into a dog and boy has to kiss her in dog form to break the spell is a bit... weird. Buuut aside from that, these characters and their interactions are just the cutest. It works well because Park Gyu Young is amazing with comedy and her chemistry with Eun Woo is perfect.

Now, the past lives part of the story? A bit too much meh. Some aspects are interesting (the whole story of the mountain spirit and the lady. I thought I'd die of boredom, but they actually made it cute and sad lol). The revenge thing? Boring and so over it. Still gotta watch the last four episodes.

[stoopid-turtle]

BTS in Order Addendum 2

Second and final addendum for rn! This covers the translated bts clips for June that I found. Sadly, the playlist did not have July or Aug, so I can't go over those. If I ever do find July and Aug, I'll try to add it on.

As before, the timeline posts are already updated. I'm just highlighting some things here for those who don't want to hunt for the updates. Also, I tried to clean up some of the formatting but y'all, the formatting on Tumblr is just weird. I can't figure it out and I'm not gonna invest the time to do so, so I've done my best!

I can see where the WZC/GG pairing came from. GG and WZC seem quite close, often playful, and similarly physically affectionate to ggdd. Their dynamic is different, but I can def see how people could pull together a compilation of their bts clips for CPFs. (Not saying they were a real couple, like ggdd.)

Madam Jin did not seem to realize she was cast in a bl adaption.

There's much mentioned of dd's afterglow on 6.19 after the Dragon Boat Festival date, but I've never seen anyone mention that GG is also in a really great mood the next day. His first scene is in the forest with JC and JL, and he's all smiles and says, "I'm so happy this early morning. I really love my team."

JC says "Happy? What nonsense!" For some reason, this sets gg off on the giggles.

Needless to say, GG had his own afterglow.

Also on 6.19, there's this cute exchange between gg and the older lady producer (?), who is also from Chongqing:

Crewmember: So many beauties come from Chongqing. GG: I'm beautiful. Producer lady: More beautiful than me? GG: How can that be? Can't compare!

And then, a couple days later on 6.23, when dd is still gone, gg is in a hellishly rotten mood. He's visibly moody and unresponsive to xl and JC, both of whom try to cheer him up. At one point, he asks someone (his assistant?) if he has any crying scenes that day. And later he says, "Remember this feeling. After a month, when filming, definitely will..." I think he says something more to XL here, but I guess it was too quiet for the translator to hear. The implication to me is that he's gonna try to bring up the experience of his feelings in later scenes when WWX is having similar feelings.

Not everything with regards to the boys has to be about ggdd, so it's possible that gg's bad mood is bc of something else going on in his life. Family, friends, something with his company, politics, a stranger being a jerk, whatever. DD's one possibility among many. I did check out what dd was doing on 6.23 and 6.22, and he's on Produce 101, where he looks as DD (with a mullet) as ever. But there aren't any bts or unscripted clips of him where he might reveal a similar mood, so it's hard to say anything.

So basically, make of gg's bad mood what you will. It could be literally anything.

I need to talk about JC's fake butt

So the clip on 6.25, with JZX, Mianmian, dd, XL, and gg all chatting starts with them talking about JC wearing a "fake butt". I'm guessing butt padding? Some highlights:

DD is confused because he's "not even wearing jeans", to which gg asks if it makes sense to wear a fake butt in jeans.

The "reason" why JC wears this is apparently only known to XL and GG. XL refuses to explain.

GG says if she doesn't explain, dd will just walk up to JC and ask him, "JC, you wear a fake butt?"

Poor WZC did seem a bit put-upon on the set.

Also, unrelated, dd thinks sweat is sexy.

Also, the nasal spray that got passed around: looked sus, but not actually that sus. It's a Thai herbal nasal inhaler, which apparently looks a lot like people doing some uppers. (So much so that gg chastises the cameraman for filming it and XL turns her back to do it)

Also also, gg's rotten mood is gone. The clip on 6.23 of him being in a bad mood is only about 5 min long, and there's only a 45sec clip for 6.24. So basically, we have no idea what might have cheered him up and there are almost a full 2 days of stuff we know nothing about.

[xmycxx]

Ellie williams as an artist I love

Ellie ily but istg you aren't similar to any artist i listen to, bar one.

that one is PVRIS who I have had a soul consuming obsession with for over a year to the point where my pinterest is filled of her and so is my spotify. lemme explain why

k while lynn from pvris has had almost every single haircut known to man there is a specific era that really gives ellie vibes to the point im convinced young lynn gunn could've played ellie in the tv show.

idt yknow just how far i had to scroll on my pinterest to find this picture but like, ISN'T THIS SO SIMILAR???

LIKE FUCKIN HELL THIS ERA ALWAYS SENDS ME INTO GAY PANIC BUT IT IS SO ELLIE!!

she's not only really hot she's also super dorky

i just really love her okay?????? she's adorable and weird and really hot and basically everything everyone on tumblr says about ellie.

now for the SONGS

this girl has a lotta songs out (i have all of them liked there's like 4 albums, 2 EP's and several singles.

I can't take it over and over Dead weight hanging off of my shoulder Nothing changes, I'm getting colder

*bangs my head against the keyboard in ellie would so listen to this song

i also learnt this song on drums

like this needs no explanation, just go listen to it, watch the music video, i will take arguments if you try to convince me she's not ellie. THERE'S ZOMBIES IN THE MUSIC VIDEO FFS

How could you let them turn you into a monster? Your bridge started to burn when you ran all across it I guess you never learn 'til you live and you lost it

this song kinda made me cry when i made the association of this with ellie but it fuckin fits and the music video and the whole aesthetic of this song is so much darker than she usually is which scared me shitless for a bit. but it is so. fucking. good.

No I never sold my soul If I ever do throw my bones to the wolves No I never sold my soul

I know it's so wrong but I'm so far gone Don't need you to tell me I'm so cynical Quit being so over-skeptical Don't need a metaphor for you to know I'm miserable

long lyrics bc i need you to understand that this is santa barbara traumatized ellie.

just. ellie as pvris, this has been stuck in my head for ages and i needed to get it out.

playlist or nah?