#i barely go here but believe me i'm weirdly committed

[lungache]

pretty sure this is moment ruan nanzhu Officially fell madly in love with lin quishi.

Kaleidoscope of Death by Xi Zixu, p. 69 (nice)

[abhorsenkatiel]

I've been making really over-thought TLT character playlists for about a year now as a background program to keep my brain entertained while I'm at work, and I realized that I have kind of a lot now, so I figured I'd share them here if anyone is interested.

Here's the ones I made for Harrow and Gideon. I'm really happy that I was able to get them to have the same number of songs, and also nearly the same run time! If you listen to them in order, they follow each character's emotional narrative.

Song lists below the cut

Harrow

Walk With Fire, Hunter As A Horse:

For when you're a suicidal ten-year-old committing the gravest sin and having complicated feelings about your life's purpose.

REPENT NOW CONFESS NOW, Lingua Ignota:

For when you're a mentally ill teenager leading the congregation of an apocalypse cult while stewing in your own hypocrisy and guilt.

Anti Body, Gazelle Twin:

For when it's your first time away from your home planet and the fate of you and your entire House depends on getting along with your childhood nemesis.

I Walk The Line, Those Poor Bastards:

For when your cavalier is hanging out with another necromancer and you feel weirdly jealous about it. (Fun Fact: There also ended up being a Johnny Cash reference in Gideon's playlist, which was completely unintentional)

True Love, Eivør:

For when the person you love most is with you for eternity, but not in the way you want. (Favorite line for maximum emotional damage: "House of pain, this body is too small a chamber")

Out of Focus, Ioanna Gika:

For when God denies you your only wish, so you decide to take matters into your own hands.

The Time Machine, Hunter As A Horse:

For when you construct an elaborate alternate reality to keep yourself from remembering your ex. (If someone had told me this was written about Harrow in HtN I would've believed them.)

When That Head Splits, Esben and the Witch:

For when you make your worstie give you a back alley lobotomy to save your cavalier's soul.

Oh You Are Not Well, Chloe Foy:

For when you come back wrong from traumatic brain surgery and all you can do is vomit, murder, and follow cryptic instructions from your past self.

MANY HANDS, Lingua Ignota:

For when you beg God for salvation and he tells you to learn how to make soup. (Favorite line for John and Harrow's relationship: "The Lord spat and held me by my neck. 'I wish things could be different', he wept")

God's Dark Heaven, Those Poor Bastards:

For when you're having a crisis of faith while you wait for a cosmic horror eldritch being to show up at God's vacation home.

SOHEAVYSOHOLLOW, Varien, Tori Letzler:

For when your only comfort is the hallucination (?) of your dead monster girlfriend.

I'm Not Done, Fever Ray:

For when you're dead, but it's not the end.

Gideon

Toll, So Below:

For when you're an abused orphan living in an apocalypse cult.

rise, Origa:

For when you're a teenager and you dream of escaping indentured servitude by achieving military glory.

Dark Room, Foreign Figures, Johnny T:

For when your childhood nemesis foils your 86th escape attempt and you get the depression.

Throne, Saint Mesa:

For when you're and epic, badass swordswoman, but your childhood nemesis makes you pretend to be her cavalier at a nerd convention.

Let You In, Marc Straight, Ellen Rose:

For when your childhood nemesis bares her soul to you and you don't know how to feel about it.

Bad Apple!!, RichaadEB, Cristina Vee:

For when you're trapped in a murder house going into a suicidal spiral.

Martyr, Roniit, Saint Mesa:

For when you decide to sacrifice yourself to save your necromancer whether she wants you to or not.

We Are Forever, Hunter As A Horse:

For when you're at peace with your sacrifice. (If someone had told me this was written about Gideon at the end of GtN I would have believed them.)

Lights Out, (DOLCH):

For when it doesn't work and now your still-conscious soul is trapped in her broken mind.

Song for Zula, Phosphorescent:

For when you give her everything you have and she doesn't even want it. (Here's the Johnny Cash reference for Gideon.)

Family Tree (Intro), Ethel Cain:

For when it turns out that your parents actually are super important and powerful, and also they suck.

Exorcise, Gazelle Twin:

For when you get halfway resurrected and it sucks.

Glory Amem, Those Poor Bastards:

For when you're Her Divine Highness, only child of God, and it sucks.

[thunderheadfred]

🤚The Second Worst (Pt. 1/?)🤚

Part 2 of my Shigaraki Thesis Headcanons. HC's // The Second Worst: 1 - 2

The half-mad ghost of Shimura Tenko is in love with you, and your life is about to become a tragic wreck. -- AKA here's when I gave up on bullet points and went off the fuckin rails

I'm self-conscious about writing so much, so uhhhh, please be kind, hahaaa. This is rather long and involved. Are these still even HCs or just a self-indulgent AU outline? There are some mysteries we may never solve.

This is on AO3 now, if you prefer reading there. Anyway. Minors do not interact.

- - - - -

You met Tenko before the League existed.

Believe it or not, there are a million ways it might have happened, but in the end: you were both bargain-binning in Akihabara.

You reached for a copy of a collectible bullet-hell cute-'em-up (near-mint! CIB!!!) and accidentally bonked hands with a complete stranger. He flinched about five million feet away from you. Ouch. You're just a nobody, quirkless and average, but you didn't think you were THAT repulsive.

(You're not. Hell, even if you were, this guy couldn't care less. He barely registers that you have a face.)

(Shigaraki is accustomed to getting in and out of this shop in seconds. He always comes in before anyone else and goes straight home. -- Is that really home? Is 'home' a real place? -- ANYWAY he's already pirated this shit, god, why does he even care? He doesn't need to be here. Father doesn't like it. Is that why he's here? Just to do something Father doesn't like? That's pathetic.)

He's had at least ten complete internal arguments with himself before he so much as looks at you.

You know in the tenth of a second he actually meets your eyes... this fucker is going to fight you to the death over this game.

- - - The death match ends in a draw. He was not expecting you to know the first fucking thing about this game. Nobody knows about it, even in Japan. Who the fuck do you even think you are? Oh, no, he's still taking it. But... maybe he can show you how to play it it. He'll give you a little taste, just to make you jealous. He's got his hoodie pulled down like he's going to commit an act of terrorism. What little you can see of his face looks twitchy and messed up. If you have any survival instincts at all, they're kicking in right about now. But... why not. You're not going anywhere with this dude unsupervised, so you suggest a crowded web cafe down the street. The cafe has the necessary console... but the retro gaming booth is laughably small. The TV is about four inches across and you end up having to practically sit in his lap. You were sure this guy was a nasty fucking creep, but he's................ only mostly terrible. Way too angry, for sure. Has no idea how to have a normal, friendly conversation. Inadvertently insults you every other sentence and seems to have a deep-seated persecution complex.

You'd prefer to be mad about the awful company, but... he's obviously deprived of human contact. When it's established that you two share a lot of media fixations, he calms down and starts treating you a little more like a human being. Or at least like a fellow elite.

Wherever he came from, he doesn't seem to want to go back. He keeps pushing you to play one more level, pretending he wants to beat your score. You feel kinda bad for him. You get the distinct feeling that his life is a disaster. He looks like he's never had a full night of sleep in his life. He trips your trigger hairs in that 'is he gonna follow me home?' kind of way, but... up close, he's a lot more depressing than scary. At the very least, you want to buy him a stupidly cute dessert. Just... as thanks. For letting you try out the game and stuff. It's not a big deal, so just pick a flavor, okay? The world isn't actually that awful, y'know.

It's not even that impressive... Definitely not a great cafe. But he takes practically a full hour to eat a single slice of strawberry cake.

When the hoodie comes down. He's all shriveled and dried out, like someone left him him in the desert to die. He chews on his peeling bottom lip and nervously scratches his neck. He doesn't thank you for the cake. Which is fine. It's not a big deal. Actually, you wish he would eat faster; you feel weirdly responsible for him now.

Under all that mess he's... gorgeous? His hair is stunning: a bright, gleaming silver that catches the light. His bone structure is flawless. If it weren't for all the scars and the misanthropic slouch, he'd look like a fairy fucking prince.

You were not prepared for that. In another life he could have been a model, the type of guy who would never even look at you. But something bad happened to him. Something... very bad. Do you even want to know? You have no idea how to ask. Has anyone ever been nice to him? It doesn't seem like it. Should YOU be nice to him? You sort of want to try. - - - This becomes a regular thing. This weird little secret. You should probably tell someone when you see him, just in case you don't come back one day, but you say nothing; how the hell would you explain why you want to see him so bad? You don't know his full name. Maybe he's on a watch list. When he gives you a long string of random numbers so you can schedule meet-ups (is THAT his e-mail, really?) he tells you to just... call him Tenko. Or whatever. It doesn't matter. (He sneaks out when Father is deep in his plots. As long as he comes home on time, it doesn't really matter where he goes, right?) He brings a different game every time. He has an insane collection. Where does he get the money for all this? You know he doesn't work. God, is it drugs? It's probably drugs. Wherever these hidden gems came from, he proudly shows them off to you, like he's never had an audience before. It's sort of cringe-inducing, the way he one-ups and rubs every little victory in your face, desperate for attention.

But at the same time, you are becoming too... something...to mind. Do you... like him? He's not funny, but he thinks you are. His mouth is huge when he laughs. He seems to hate everyone but you, and you've had to earn the distinction of being merely tolerable. Still, he gets really excited about random shit like the garage kit black market and haunted dolls and the price of weed on the dark web.

And... strawberry cake. The realization hits you both at the same time when the waitress brings one piece with two forks. God, what the fuck, are you... are you dating? Quick, think. You look forward to seeing him, and don't even mind sitting close to him anymore. Sometimes you push your leg up against him just to see if he'll still flinch away... and he doesn't.

You jealously notice the way he touches everything but you: with delicate precision, one finger at a time. His large, elegant hands always have a pinky up like he's aspiring for a fiefdom, and you wonder what his skin feels like. You go home and dwell on the way he plucks flowering weeds out of the pavement in front of the cafe. The way he stands rooted to the spot as you leave, just... looking at nothing, unsmiling.

You watch his lips too much, and not just because you want to buy him chapstick. You catch him gaping at you all the time. You thought he was just creepy like that, but maybe... Yeah. I guess you are dating him. Shit. - - - Okay, so, yeah. Bringing him back to your place was definitely a bad idea. You know you shouldn't trust him, even if he is... apparently... your boyfriend? Sort of? You still don't have his phone number. So. Um. What now? You order overpriced pizza and queue up a campy horror movie. What the fuck are you even doing. You don't really think he's going to murder you anymore, but... still. Is the suburban massacre scene gonna give him ideas? Turns out, no. He doesn't like gore, even when the blood is neon pink. He gets upset. Like, really upset. Shaky and green, like he might puke on you. He can't stop scratching that scaly spot on his neck.

Tenko, are you crying? Fucking hell, did you just trigger him? Of course he has a traumatic past, it's carved all over his face. You're so fucking stupid. You don't know how to make it right. You want to hug him, kiss him... anything. But he's never really touched you, and you're too afraid to push now. It ruins the whole night. He leaves without explaining anything. Doesn't even say goodbye. He just. Leaves. Maybe you'll never see him again. Maybe that's for the best. Your chest hurts. - - - He shows up at your door a few weeks later. You haven't heard from him since that disastrous movie night. You had pretty much accepted that you'd broken up with a boyfriend you never actually had. But no. Apparently not.

This time, he’s brought his own entertainment. He's holding a boxed set of some show you're not familiar with. You're distracted by these weird little half-gloves he's wearing, like a cyberpunk hacker. That's a new look, and even if it's a bit edgelord adjacent, he makes it look cool. You tell him as much. It's the first time you've let on how attractive you find him. He's wearing a tight black shirt with a deep, deep V-neck. That's distracting too.

He clears his slender throat and doesn't look at you.

You try to apologize for before, but he's acting like it never happened. What are you even talking about? Have you seen this OVA or not? Get out of the way and let him in already. You've watched three episodes now, but you still have no idea what this stupid anime is about. You can't pay attention to a single frame. All you can think about is how his arm has crept up behind your shoulders. A few inches more and he'll be holding you. Does he... want to hold you? You lean toward him so slowly your spine creaks. One molecule at a time. After a thousand years, your head slides nervously under his chin. His arm comes down, locking you in, fingers clutching your sleeve in a death grip. Even that snobby little pinky. His head tucks down into you hair. A sharp collarbone bites into your cheek. His heartbeat is hard, fast, and irregular. There's not a scrap of fat on him, and as you wrap your arm around his stomach, you think you see a twitch in his pants. Is that just you being desperate? Or... hopeful? This is really happening. --- Soon, you learn that Tenko is a clumsy kisser. It doesn't matter; the fact that he's kissing you at all is good enough for now. His lips are dry, but not half as dry as you expected. There's a slick of menthol helping things along; he's been using something medicated on his lips. Plus, his mouth tastes like he drank a gallon of mouthwash.

All this thrills you more than a little, because it means he came here wanting to impress you. Wanting you. Full stop. Underneath that minty sting is a strange, worrisome aftertaste, like something rotten. Your brain fires off an alarm. Stop kissing him. Right now. This thing will make you sick. But his hands nervously slide over your body... and you decide not to worry about it. Instead, you kiss him deeper. He makes a sweet, startled little noise. Your brain is a fucking liar. It occurs to you he's probably never done this before.

When you lace your fingers in his and try to pull one of his gloves off, he rips his hand away.

Don't. That’s the only explanation he gives.

No need to ask if it's a quirk thing or a trauma thing. Judging by how jittery he gets, it's probably both. You remember the way his hands almost float over objects without ever holding them. Maybe his touch is dangerous. Maybe that's why his face looks like that.

Maybe you should learn more about him before things go way too far...

No. It can't be that bad. Now that he's in your arms, everything frightening about him evaporates. He's vulnerable. He's alone. He's shaking a little. Has anyone else ever seen this side of him? You want to keep him all to yourself, just like this.

So what if he has to touch you with gloves on? You've heard of worse quirk-related inconveniences.

It's okay, Tenko. Do you want to keep going?

You put his hands back on you and wait for him to kiss you again. It doesn't take long.

---

You open his pants. He's long and thin, calloused even here. Every part of him feels untouched, unloved. You hold him tight and squeeze.

It doesn't seem to occur to him to please you in return. He looks afraid. Confused. You're sure you scared him earlier with the glove thing. Is this too much? No. He gasps and leans into you. The tiniest, broken please.

He cums in your hand right away, face buried in your shoulder, his eyes wet and hidden.

I have to go, he says. Over and over and over.

It's okay, Tenko.

You know he doesn't want to.

- - - - - (oops I wrote more)

[imagines-to-quench-thirst]

Leaving legacy

Warnings: Swearing, use of violence and guns, women pitted against each other (I guess)

Pairing: Joker x reader - I gave him the name Jerome since I like the way and to me, it fits ever since I watched Gotham it stuck on

Summary: the Joker is captured by Batman. Leaving Y/n, his girlfriend to hold up his legacy but what happens when a woman nudges herself between the criminal and the good girl turned mafia leader?

'Run, Y/n! Fucking run!!' The criminal in purple cried out to his lover seeing the woman confusedly run in the club finding comfort in the magnitude of people in there. Looking back she sees the blue-red lights shining through the glass door. The car engine rumbled driving away from the club. Looking at Frost near her, he shakes his head.

'As of today, the Joker has been imprisoned by the Batman and the police.' It was painful to see her boyfriend being subdued by gas bombs leaving him defenseless and unconscious. Especially the aftermath of it all the Batman taking him into his car handcuffed heading towards Arkham Prison. 'Frost, what do we do now?' The frightened woman asked the loyal companion by her side.

'We have a backup plan. Follow me.' First walks out of the small departed as Y/n tails behind him unsure of the action. At least Forst wouldn't hurt her. Right? Entering J's office Frost retirees a black suitcase flopping it on the desk opening the top lid. He turns it around to face Y/n her eyes catching a glimpse of white papers tacked even pushed in the suitcase falling all over the place but only a small letter sat neatly on it with the words scribbled on it 'Y/n'. Picking up the letter she opens it reading

Y/n, princess, dove,

If you are reading this then it means that I am not anymore capable of doing my "business" I was arrested and the outcome is unsure. So I have to Frost a briefcase holding each valuable document that is signed for you if I was taken away or killed. My club, cars and my other "ventures" are yours. You are the only who I can trust. And if I'm in a Prison. Wait for me, I won't be there long. 💋💋💋

Besides, I need my kisses to survive.

Your Jerome

Placing the letter down with shaky hands Y/n looks at the piles of documents as an explosion of stress and anxiety power over her. 'Frost, what if I won't be good? What if I won't be able to handle this? What if I-' 'If Mr.J thought that you couldn't handle it then he wouldn't hand his entire life to you.'

Frost steps close to her putting a much-needed arm on her shoulder 'I will be here as your advisor to help you. That is my oath.' With more doubtfulness nesting in her soul, she nods desiring that she will do it right.

The streets are empty, deserted and alone with the company of the cold sharp wind and the naked bare trees they all guided to the same destination, Arkham Asylum. The purple car howled as it came to a standstill delivering its new owner to the entrance door. Y/n steps outside seeing the hush silence looming on the place she looks up seeing the floors and floors of windows which presumably all held the dangerous criminals. Waving to the guard at the reception she hands him a document.

'Visit for the Joker? Huh, I guess miracles do happen.' The guard retorted teasingly seeing Y/n's forced smile as he hands her the visitors pass. Walking through the door she sits down waiting for her boyfriend to appear only a glass partition in between them. The door on the other side creaks open as two guards guide in the Joker his hands and upper body in a straight jacket. He sits down seeing the woman he loved holding in tears to come off as if she is tough enough to overcome this. One of the policemen grabs the phone handle placing it on the table prompting it upwards. Y/n repeated the motion as she places it to her ear.

'Hey J. How are you?' Y/n asks wanting to hear his voice. He mumbles as he shakes the jacket striving to free his arms. Y/n turns to the policeman 'His nose is itching. Can you... Please?' One policeman pauses but steps forwards scratching the Joker's nose. He steps back in line with his fellow partner. 'Thanks, Princess.' He finally speaks 'You should thank him.' She points to the policeman as Joker turns to him grumbling a broken 'thank you'.

His head shoots back to her asking softly 'Are you alright?' Y/n shrugged 'As much as I can be. But it's not the same without you.' J looks at her seeing the frown that probably nested itself for the last 6 days that he was in this hellhole. 'Come on, princess, I need to see your smile. Do you know how much frowns I see from others? P-l-e-n-t-t-y.' Y/n chuckles at his spelling mistake chatting him immediately 'There is no extra "t" in plenty.' 'Oh, are you sure? It thinks there is and its purpose it's special.' Y/n looks at him weirdly as he proceeds 'The "t" is there to make you smile.' He shows off his own smile laced with the metal teeth giving off more sinister intent but still, a smile solely earmarked for her.

'I hope that you are behaving.' J says to his lover seeing the visible smile wash away being replaced by a stern lip line '...Yeah... I am the new job is-' 'Okay, that is enough visits are over!' the guard screamed over her sentence. Joker looks once more over his shoulder grunting 'I believe that the lady didn't finish her sentence.' he turns back to her 'Continue.' Y/n takes a much needed deep breath saying slowly 'As I was saying, the new job is hard but I'm handling it well.'

Joker stood up as she finished her sentence an enormous grin on his pale face 'Great. I will head back now, Princess. I love you~~~' Joker slurred his words in a mocking manner as the guards behind him cringed at the PDA while Y/n elicited a smile from her again, one he will remember when his days here are hard. Y/n stands up waving J goodbye.

'Frost calls the Falcone Mafia to tell them that the drugs will be sent through a food truck. In about 3 days...' Y/n said firmly to her right-hand man handing him the last piece of document. Taking the precious documents with a bow he exits the room leaving her to her peace and quiet. Leaning back on the big leather chair Y/n closes her eyes feeling the sleep creep back into her mind and with no coffee in sight to shoo it away. Glazing her eyes in the home line phone she sees a number appearing. 'Shit... What now?' Picking up the phone and pressing it to her ear she hears a chirpy and creeps voice coming from the other side. The cheery creepily voice asked in a high pitched rhythm

-Hi, is this Y/n L/n number?

-Yes, this is she. Who is this?

-Oh, me? I'm Dr. Quinzel, the Arkham physiologist. I'm in charge of the Joker.

-Since when do they let normal, sane people around criminals?

-You are too funny Ms. L/n. I just wanted to call you and say that Mr. Joker's visiting hours will be sentenced down to one visit every 3 months.

-What?! Why?!

-Since Mr. Joker is here for the crimes he committed we want to restrict him of him usual surrounding to see what are his triggers. We will phone you when you can see him.

-Since when is that allowed? Who signed this off? Where is my signature agreeing to this-this shenanigans?

-Ha-ha...Excuse me. But there is a need for such approval of a third party since he himself signed the document.

-He did, did he? That man is in a straight jacket! He can barely piss with his hands tied behind his back and you are telling me that Joker singed WILLINGLY a document that said he could not see me?!

-Yes, exactly. Good day. Goodbye.

The woman, Quinzel, hangs up leaving Y/n to herself to calm down her storm that swirled inside. With no coffee still in sight.

Speeding into the Arkham Prison letting the engine roar loudly as possible radiating a silent alarm of the incoming rage of one woman. Stepping out of her car she hears the near guards whispers to each other 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.' Passing them with one step of her glorious heels she fumes into the building crammed with criminals halting at the reception putting on her face the fakest smile, yet. 'Hi, how are you?' 'Go-good.' 'Great. I'm here to visit Mr. Joker. I was the woman here... About 4 days ago. Remember?' 'Yeah, you wore the beautiful beige fluffy coat.' That's right and thank you it is fluffy. So can I meet him?' 'Yes, right-' 'Thanks, I know the way.'

Layering the fake sentences on to the fake conversation her heels clicked as hard as her rage was prominent on her face and hands. Walking along she heard the distant whistles and cat-calling to her form. That is some to her and some the purple Lamborghini that sat pretty waiting outside for her female owner. Making her way into a room Y/n looks at the two small chairs with an equally small table at the center of it. The room is small and wet with some tiles fallen down cracking on the floor leaving no feeling of a safe space, despite being in the most dangerous prison imaginable. Sitting in the chair she props her bag onto the table keeping it close. Patiently waiting for her boyfriend to say some sweet sweet words to her.

The door flung open with another pair of sharper heels entered the room. A tall, blonde beautiful woman with the signature white doctor's coat on her shoulders. That's her. Y/n thought, feeling her mind already sharpen her knives and aiming her guns that she conveniently abandoned at home since bringing guns here is forbidden. The woman offers her a hand to shake.

'Hi, nice to meet ya. I'm Doctor Harleen Quinzel. I'm the main psychologist here.' Yes, that's her. The equally chirpy woman smiled at Y/n replicating the same tone of cheeriness face to face. Shaking her hand with a firm squeeze Y/n replies equally warm. 'Hi, Y/n L/n.' Harleen looked at the woman in front of her opening a file of the Joker. Letting the headshot be in Y/n's peripheral sight. As much as Y/n wanted to kill her she knew she should befriend her at least to make her an inside man.

'Why are you already here, Miss L/n?' Harleen asked quickly as her fingers interlaced with each other. 'I want to visit my boyfriend. And no document will stop me.' Nodding dutifully Harleen fires back 'Well since Mr. J signed the document you have no other way than to approve his request.' Looking at the psychologist she had to laugh 'If you really talked to him you would know that I'm a good person I'm the one who keeps him in check. Thanks to me he didn't kill anyone...innocent.' 'Oh, I know he also said that you are one of the reasons he stopped doing cocaine.' 'That's right.' 'And he is having withdrawals.' 'Bullshit. The last he had a withdrawal was 2 years ago. Maybe you gave him something worth going insane. I mean we are in a prison/mental institution. I also know that many institutions such as this one spike the patient's food with any drug be it cocaine, meth, opioid-' 'That's not OUR intention. I have been here for the last 3 years and I can assure you-' Y/n looks once more at the woman seeing her glasses dip down the arch of her nose stopping at the near end. 'Don't bullshit me. I can see just buy your clothes what kind of money do you make and how do you earn it.' Her blue eyes darted at the woman in front of her that threatened to talk about the appearance and she does appreciate a good duel. 'Your hair is too lose to be around patient while other competent nurses and doctors have their hair tied neatly and tightly into a bun since they are dealing with criminals and one for the raising problems would be of an attack on the staff using the loose hair as a means to pull them in and beat them. With your shaved legs you aren't here to work and neither are your intentions. Those shaven legs are here to show off to say in a subliminal "Hey, I'm here I have shaven my legs and I'm ready to bone." while other women wear nylon socks. To cover the long leg hairs since the working hours here are brutal. And-' 'I think that's enough.' Harleen stopped her with to victory insight.

'I'm good. I can go on. So as I was saying your feet...you wear the ever so cliché heels ever. Black Louboutin. Those cost a fortune. And even the pay of the highest personnel could barely cover half of the price. And don't tell me you saved up. Since those with the white sheen are rare mother fuckers. Once in a lifetime kinda rare. And on top of that, some hair that has fallen over your ear can tell me that you flirted with someone. You know the cliche swooping the hair behind the ear when people flirt.' Harleen halts at the last words her cover blown away 'So you did. I will say a patient. Very "prolific" patient. Someone who holds ample power outside these cell walls. Someone with the green hair. Now, Miss Quinzel that is very unethical. You should know better. Since he is taken.'

Harleen cowered in fear in front of the dangerous and sharp-tongued Y/n not preferring to give in to her tactics. Y/n all of the sudden stands up without letting Harleen speak or change her mind 'Take me to him. Show me that I am indeed a trigger. Or I will make sure you never come near my man. Ever again.' With an involuntary smile, Harleen stands up ushering her out of the area and towards J.

Walking behind Y/n looked at the influx of inmates all serving their time even seeing some familiar faces, discreetly waving. Passing the steel wall barricades they enter a new part of large prison the walls aren't made fo steel but of plexiglass with small holes drilled in to give the prisoners air. Stopping at the last one Harleen back away Y/n glancing at her J, her Jerome facing a corner in his straight jacket nearby a window seeing his/her purple car.

With her green bag in her hand and other placed on the glass Y/n whispers in relief 'J? Can you turn around, please?' He looks back at her seeing her deprived eyes and narrowly open mouth, her hair let loose to move freely, the bag he gifted her in her hand and her body, damn those curves and dips. Grumbling he turns back to face the wall hearing her sweet sweet voice 'J, this woman told me you signed a document saying I was some kind of a trigger. Is that true? Am I?'

Waiting for answers that he doesn't supply his cellmates next door answer instead of him 'Baby, with that body and confidence you can be my trigger.' said a thug that doesn't deserve a glance to be speared on. 'With that body, I would be completely grateful to God for once in my life.' said another trying to reel in her attention. The comments influx in as the ruckus evolved unbearably. Besides the comments, Y/n shouted through the glass 'I'll go back home then. I will see you every three months. I miss you.' Turning away from her lover she walks away leaving him in the same stance that he greeted her with. In front of a wall near the window. The same window that exhibited his girl entering the car and driving away to continue his legacy while he resides here. Surrounded by idiots and a whore.

For. Now.

Hope you enjoyed it. Feedback is always appreciated💚

[deadmomjokes]

I need "Mom" advice...I get married in a couple months and honestly I'm nervous about sex. My actual mom never talked to me about it...was taboo. I barely learned about my period, except some friends explained and helped me through it. I'm afraid I won't make my husband happy or it will hurt. I've heard varying stories of friends' first times, and I don't want things to be awkward. I don't even know how to bring it up with my fiancé.

Thank you SO much forfeeling comfortable coming to me! I’ll try to give a basic “sex ed” lessonhere, and if you’re worried about specific things, please feel free to comeback and ask more, or PM me, or send me an ask off anon to ask about email if you’drather do it that way. Whatever’s going to be most helpful for you. I hope Ican address the concerns you listed, and possibly some that might be underlyingin general (most people have a lot of nebulous nervous feelings surroundingphysical intimacy that can be hard to put to words).

(For those uninterested or uncomfortable, a verybig TW for talking about sexual activity in a scientific sort of way, buttechnical terms and (respectful) descriptions may abound.) LOOOOOOOOONG post ahead, but hopefully comprehensive, respectful, and useful.

First Things First I Guess

Firstly, please know it’s super normal to benervous about sex. Almost everyone is, especially in family or social culturesthat don’t normalize talking about sex. We also do a crappy job in general offormal education about sex and sexuality, so too many people (especially women)aren’t given any background. If both of you are virgins, or new to sexualactivity in general, I bet he’s actually nervous too.

Second, bringing it up is going to be hard, butSO important. It might be worth sitting down and simply saying “I haveno idea how to bring this up, but here it is: I’m worried about sex.” The basis for any good sex life is communication and respect. Ifhe’s not nervous but you are, he has to respect that and be understanding ofthe time you may need to adjust. My guess is he has concerns as well, and beingable to talk about it together will bring a huge measure of relief to both ofyou. Another idea to bring it up would be to write an email or text saying thatyou’re not sure how to bring it up, but want to make sure both of you arecomfortable talking about it, so is there a time y’all could talk about it.Idk, that might be a bit formal for how you guys usually do things, but I knowsome people think better in written form. But being able to talk about your concerns, and having a shared general expectation of how things will go the first time is going to be helpful in making sure you’re not terrified of your honeymoon.

Third, and this is the big one: Almost no one’sfirst sexual encounter goes how they think it will, and that’s almost all because of unrealistic expectations. Sex is a weird concept, bodies areweird, and our cultural and social idea of sex is HIGHLY romanticizedand “sterilized” as it were. We have this Hollywood idea of what sex lookslike and is, and real sex has never been that way. It may end up being awkward physically (more later on that), but that’s okay, because that’s often just how things are, and sexual experiences tend to get better with time. Our culture has normalized the idea of “perfect sex” and promotes this big romantic “first time” narrative, but it almost never works out that way. Not to say it won’t or can’t be fun for you, just know it won’t be all fireworks and amazement right off the bat, because there’s a lot to coordinate between two people and four limbs and blankets and stuff.

Sex might be physically strange or a bit uncomfortable especially the firsttime, but if done properly it doesn’t have to hurt. By done properly, I meangiving both parties enough time to adjust, warm up, and become comfortablewith the situation. First intercourse with any partner, but especially yourfirst EVER partner should be about exploring and admiring each others’ bodies,without pressure to actually engage in classical intercourse (meaningpenetrative intercourse) if you don’t feel up to it. Being very nervous can prevent your body fromadapting in the way it needs to in order to be comfortable and pain-free duringintercourse.

The body has a complex system of reactions thatgear it up for intercourse, but here’s the basics.

How Sex Works Physically

What most people refer to as “foreplay” isgenerally not an optional thing for comfortable sex; smooching, cuddling, and a feeling of closeness are basically necessary to trigger thechemical reactions that start the physical adaptations for sex. Going from 0 (hey how’s it going) to60 (penetrative sex) instantly is going to be uncomfortable at best, but will likely hurtespecially in the beginning. Plus you won’t get anything out of it, and committed-partner sexshould be about emotional closeness as much as it is about physical sensationfor BOTH partners. So spending time cuddling and kissing is an important partof “actual sex.” The chemicals that are released during this time trigger yourbody to send increased bloodflow to the sexual organs, starting the sexual response cycle. (NOTE: Some people can begin the sexual response cycle by thinking about sex, reading or viewing erotic material, or “talking dirty,�� so if y’all are really worked up and into it, much “traditional” foreplay like making out may not be necessary. This is usually what’s going on with what people refer to as a “quickie,” both parties are already physically prepared for sex because they’ve been thinking about it and that triggered the sexual response to begin.)

In female/afab bodies, the increased bloodflowresults in swelling of the labia (external parts) and a feeling of fullness,which increases physical sensation (perception of touch), which in turn triggersthe production of lubrication (some people refer to this as getting orbeing “wet” if you’ve heard that term thrown around. And don’t worry, it’s not like a ton of liquid, it won’t be like peeing everywhere or anything, it just makes sure things can move around easily, like an oil coating in a pan.) It also triggers thevagina (the internal parts) to expand, and the vaginal opening to relax and expand. Thesethree processes (lubrication, internal expansion, and external relaxation) are important in making sure sex doesn’t hurt. Like I said,with first intercourse, it may still be a bit uncomfortable because it’s a new sensation and your brain may still be on “no sex, sex is off-limits” mode, evensubconsciously. But if you experience pain–sharp or burning or stinging or stabbing pain, not just pressure (which is normal)– that’s not good, and you should back off and try again later after moresmoochy times or even a good night’s sleep.

Male/amab bodies are somewhat easier to understandbecause much of their adaptation happens externally, and also it’s much moresocially discussed. The penis has a complicated system of tissues that trapthe increased bloodflow coming in, resulting in the enlargement and hardeningof the penis (this is called “erection,” or sometimes informally “getting hard”). It also triggers a production of lubrication, but this is muchless than is produced by the vagina. The male lubrication comes from theopening in the penis, which is called the urethra. (Yes, it is technically thesame tube and opening where urine comes from, but the body totally shuts offthe valve at the bladder for intercourse, so there is no risk of cross-contamination.)During this time, the testicles (most often called the balls, of course) arepreparing semen, which contains sperm and is a thick, viscous liquid. (Theprostate also helps in producing this liquid.) During male orgasm, the semen isexpelled from the same urethral opening mentioned above.

To define, orgasm is the point at which the bodypeaks in pleasure, and is generally the result of repeated physical stimulationto erogenous zones. Erogenous zones are the parts of the body that producesexual pleasure when stimulated. (For many people, this includes not only thegenitals, but the nipples as well.) Male orgasm is easy to identify because itis almost always accompanied by ejaculation (expulsion of the semen), butfemales also orgasm. During female orgasm, the muscles of the vagina anduterus repeatedly contract, which can’t be seen of course(leading folks in the past to believe women couldn’t orgasm).

So, a quick recap: you get all smoochy, then you get all handsy, then clothes come off somewhere in the smoochy and touchy phases, and then if youwant comes penetrative sex. This is the part most people are scared of, and hasthe potential to cause pain if you’re not ready mentally or physically (as inyour sexual response hasn’t yet kicked in all over your body).

I know this is kind of squirmy to say, but itmay actually take several tries (sometimes over several days) toactually “succeed” at penetrative sex, meaning that the penis can enterthe vagina without pain to the vagina-owner. It could also be difficult to findexactly where to put the penis, because generally penis-owners don’t know muchabout what they’re looking for (especially if you’re both virgins), andvagina-owners can’t see what’s going on. So keeping a sense of humor and a lineof communication is super important. Sex is WEIRD. It’s just weird and bizarrewhen you start thinking about it (at least to me, on the asexual spectrum), andacknowledging that and realizing that it won’t be some glamorous tangle oflimbs set to romantic music like on the TV is going to go a long way toward making your experience somuch more positive, and much less awkward.

Mentioned Worries

Re:not wanting it to be awkward. Luckily, it won’t have to be emotionally awkward or embarrassing if y’all go into it with the same expectations, and those expectations are realistic. There’s physical awkwardness, like how a box that’s not heavy but is weirdly shaped is “awkward,” and that’s going to happen no matter what because you’ve never had experience with how to do this sex thing, and you’re not sure where to put your limbs or how to move around another person. But what can be avoided is FEELING awkward, emotional awkwardness, and that’s done through having realistic expectations of what sex is and how it works, and of knowing that both of you are on the same page with this, and are interested in making it work for both of you.

You also mentioned being worried you won’t make your husband happy–I want you to knowboth that this is fine and a good desire (to make him happy), but that it’s not your responsibility to sexually please your husband, and sex is something for BOTH of you. It’s not all on you, it literally takes two to make itwork. Sex isn’t all about him; if it’s something you want to share in yourrelationship, it should be something you want to make work for you, as well as for him. So he has as much responsibility to you as you do to him, to be respectful of your boundaries especially as youfirst get introduced to sex, and to “take care of you” as much as you dofor him. Sex with a new partner is going to take trial and error indiscovering what you both like and dislike, and it’s okay and necessary to be vocal andsay “Please don’t do that” if you need to. I know that you WANT to make him happy, and that’s excellent, because hopefully he wants to do that for you, too! Just know that if sex is kind of weird at first, or y’all can’t quite figure out what’s up on night one, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a partner, that you let him down, or that you won’t be able to satisfy each other in the future (even the near future). Adjust expectations so that your first experience isn’t about having the most amazing sex you’ll ever have (more on that in a bit), but about discovering this new facet of your relationship together.

You also mentioned you were afraid of ithurting, and this is the most common fear about sex. You probably heard or readstuff about “breaking the hymen” or “tearing” or something like that.While some girls will have small tears in the hymen (the flap of skin thatsometimes partially covers the vaginal opening), a lot of girls won’t, and thisskin stretches as the physical sexual response (sometimes calledsimply “arousal”) progresses. It’s also less likely to tearor “break” during sex if you’ve used tampons before, because tampons sometimesactually rupture the hymen just by their nature. (This isn’t to say you shouldstart using tampons if you’re not comfortable, of course.) If the hymen doesrupture, you might experience a bit of bleeding, but it’s nothing a pad can’thandle (much MUCH less than a period, more like getting a small cut on yourarm). Sometimes you won’t notice a rupture til after sex if you’re really intoit, but you might also feel it or feel it about to start. If that happens and it hurts, bevocal and tell your partner to stop. You don’t have to hurt during sex, youdon’t owe that to anyone. In fact, you owe it to yourself to NOT endure painjust for someone else’s pleasure. So it might be worth talking to your fiancebeforehand and having a stop-word, which can literally just be “Stop.” Butboth of you should understand going into this that either one of you has the right tosay “no more” at any point.

It may also be worth considering getting somelubricant (”lube”) if you’re really worried about pain, because most pain comesfrom insufficient biological lubrication or insufficient stretching of thevaginal opening, and lube can help with both. Many people find it super fun toapply to each other, apparently, and it can certainly be useful when you’rejust starting out and both new to this idea. (also, if using a condom, lube is important because sometimes the material can irritate the sensitive skin of the vagina and labia) But the most important things youtwo can do for each other as you embark on this adventure together are to bewilling to voice your opinions and feelings, and also to take time to get toknow each others’ bodies and preferences. That’s more or less part of what the honeymoon is for.

Also, make sure you go to the gynecologistbefore you get married. It’s might be awkward or feel a bit embarrassing, but super important in making sureyou’re healthy for sex (just know that gyns do this for a living and have literally seen it all, so your body won’t be a big deal, and they aren’t judging you). And if you happen to have a problem like vaginismus(painful spasms or contractions of the vaginal opening that prevent anythingfrom entering, including tampons or medical equipment) or an obstructive hymen,the Gyn can tell you and help you with that. You can also ask them questions you have about sex, and some Gyns have tools you can use at home to “stretch” the vaginal opening (it’s not generally necessary and is more for psychological assistance than huge physical benefit, but some people who are truly small might actually need a bit of help there, so it’s up to you). You will also probably want birthcontrol, or to discuss options about birth control unless y’all are planning ona baby right away. (Also he should go to the doc and get a checkup, too, justto be safe, and if he’s ever had other sexual partners at any time in the past, he should get checkedfor STDs.)

The Big Important Thing to Remember

Please know:Wedding night sex isn’t going to be the best sex you’ll ever have ever. Cultures inwhich waiting is the expectation or norm (Christianity is the big one for this)tend to promote this idea that your wedding night will be a big amazing reward for waiting, and isgoing to be the most important and pleasurable sex you’ll ever have in your whole entire life and if it isn’t, you’ve done something wrong. It creates a huge amount of pressure surrounding what can already be an emotionally laden experience. But studies on sexual satisfactionshow that couples who have been together for years have the greatest levels ofsatisfaction. So please don’t go into it expecting that your first intercourseis going to make it or break it. It’s more than likely going to be a bit weird even though it will hopefully also be fun and pleasurable, but you’ll have better sex as time goes on and you get to know eachother and figure out what the heck you’re doing. 

Think of it this way: say you LOVE music, and have always wanted to play a piano. You’ve never gotten to be around a real piano before, but playing the piano is a lifelong dream. Are you going to expect yourself to be able to play Mozart the first time you walk into a room with a piano? No! That doesn’t mean that the experience of sitting down at a piano for the first time won’t be euphoric and a fulfillment of a dream, but you can’t go into it thinking or expecting that you’ll be a master the first time you touch the keys. Look at little kids meeting a piano– they just smash around on the keys and it sounds awful to US as adults who know what it “should sound like” and who might even know how to read music and play a bit, but that kid is having the time of their life experiencing the magic of music and of playing the piano. First having sex is like that. It probably won’t be perfect, and you may look back on it years down the road and kind of go “wow we were goofy and weird,” but it can still be fun as long as you aren’t expecting perfection going in. So no, your wedding night isn’t going to be The Objectively Best Sex Ever, and you probably won’t be quite sure what you’re doing and might even be kind of bad at it, but that doesn’t mean it won’t also be nice and wonderful. You’re not doing something wrong if you aren’t over the moon with your first experience; it just means you have something even better to look forward to figuring out and experiencing together! Especially if both of you are virgins, you may have a bit of a time figuring out how things work, but that’s not a sign of failure. 

Plus, when you’ve been culturally surrounded by a narrative of taboo, it can feel mentally scary to suddenly engage in something that used to be off-limits in the biggest of ways. That’s why talking about it frankly is important (and why I have no problem with discussing sex in educational terms!), and why it’s important to discuss with your partner throughout y’all’s sexual life together.

Sex is messy, there’s fluids everywhere, people get sweaty, bodies are weird, and our brains are weird. But I hope knowing all this can help you feel a bit more prepared, and a bit more comfortable. I know this was long and a ton of info, but I’m super passionate about making sure people are educated thoroughly about this stuff, because I never knew any of it growing up. Our school lied to the state about sex-ed; we were supposed to have it, and they didn’t, but said they did. I never got the sex talk because I wasn’t interested in guys OR girls (I was ace and had no clue, another place education failed all of us), so my mom never told me anything about it. I learned a lot in college through classes and through academic research, and then more when I switched to health as a major (and became enraged that we don’t talk about this stuff!!). 

So I hope that despite being long-winded, it can be a useful reference, and hopefully put some worries to rest or at least take it down a notch. And do let me know if you have further questions, or if this was totally off the mark for what you were looking for!

[elizabethrobertajones]

Suddenly I'm getting these psychopath!dean thoughts after reading the new buckleming interview. God help me

I need to preface this with a signal boost of @justanotheridijiton‘s gif request :P

https://justanotheridijiton.tumblr.com/post/179162557389/alright-i-need-me-a-gifmaker-willing-to-make-a

Anyways after that completely irrelevant thing I put here, and, weirdly, an aside that I swear I remember her talking a lot about how Dean was going to be affected by like… tentacles of trauma or something afterwards at SDCC, here’s the interview:

https://tvline.com/2018/10/17/supernatural-spoilers-season-14-big-bad-not-michael/

As for the beloved Winchester trapped inside Michael, if/when Dean is eventually freed, he won’t be as traumatized as one might think by the horrible things the archangel did while sporting his vessel. “Dean’s been contaminated by Cain. He’s a tough guy,” Ross-Leming notes. “His body’s sort of accumulated a lot of, I think, antibodies against evil, so he’ll be OK. He knows how to handle himself, even though he’s been altered. But there is a little bit of a surprise, in terms of this semi-possession, which I can’t tell you about. There’s a little bit of a twist.”

Given that I’m at an all time low for thinking she knows what she’s talking about after watching so many interviews with her in a morbid attempt to learn anything I can about this fascinating and terrible person, I can barely lend any credence to what she says, whether these are points that will be discussed in the show or things that she has thought for herself at random and may or may not be the subtext to her specific chunks of the show and nowhere else :P That lack of faith in this specific writer makes it super hard to engage with the commentary.

She says he’s been contaminated, which is more of a poisoning which would imply ongoing damage that creates ill-effects, and also that he has antibodies, which are positive and good things in the body that are created to protect us from the bad, and would be making the opposite point that instead of him picking up more and more badness to the point that it affects his personality, that his experiences have given him a stronger immunity to lingering corruption and that he will survive relatively intact.

(vaccinate your kids)

Which means she’s literally saying he’s altered, he’s semi-possessed, he’s fine, and that somewhere in that there’s a twist. And this also:

Plus, this ordeal with Michael “doesn’t take as big a toll” on the hunter as, say, his experience in Hell did, the EP reveals, “because there’s something else that’s going to happen that will take a bigger toll on Dean, and he has to pay attention to that.”

reads to me as another instance where she has her focus on what she herself is writing, and not particularly on what the other writers might do. I doubt that in a season where Dean started off possessed, that the other writers will not want to tackle the rich, rich psychology of post-Michael Dean, whether she has thought it was interesting or not. 

I kind of feel like whatever she’s trying to say, the message is that she hasn’t focused on Dean’s post-Michael trauma, is interested in something else, and has written him coming out of it relatively unscathed and focused on something new, which is actually fairly common for Buckleming episodes, to fling us to a new event and not focus on what had been previously traumatising the characters, as they’re kind of terrible at doing deep introspective episodes with the pacing to allow for that :P 

But away from all that… Yeah, I have always liked the whole Mark of Cain destined for Dean stuff from back in season 9/10 and find it really interesting even if it was wearing by the end of season 10, I had a lot of fascination in the character study of Dean, the psychology behind demon!Dean, and all the stuff that was brought out over the seasons of how the Mark affected him, that there was a connection back to Michael and Lucifer, and how it seemed like Cain was the Dean mirror who would have been the more natural Michael!vessel and Abel the Lucifer one and so on. And in 10x14 the interest in Cain decimating the planet because he believed his descendants were inherently killers, and how he identified Dean as a killer. 

Which is a struggle Dean has had for a long time through canon, especially since 2x03 when Gordon showed up to highlight the difference between killing monsters for bloody minded vengeance and pleasure, vs being heroic and making the good calls. And I think why Michael has symbolically ended up with vampires as his choice of monster to play with now, because Dean’s struggle is so tightly wrapped up with vampires, whether it be turning into one, or befriending Benny and clinging to the purity of Purgatory. Which is a state very similar to what Michael identifies in the vampires as a good motivation and something admirable to spread and remove all this dumb human confusion. 

In every way Michael has been designed from the start to be the worst!Dean, all his struggles with being the elder son and dealing with Lucifer. His dialogue especially in 5x22 is anvil heavy to make him a Dean parallel, except showing where he lacks love and compassion and forgiveness, the traits that make Dean show up to Stull to save Sam, while Michael is banished for being terrible, and symbolically was a moment where we could see shunning of how Dean was raised (it was “jacked up” Dean says in 2x03 when he first reflects on how the world wasn’t as black and white as he thought) and all this is blamed on John, or in Michael’s case, on Chuck.

They’re both given the same burdens of killing their brothers, and Michael goes so far as to make that awful spear (which was his reintroduction into the narrative - the toxicity of his choice to kill Lucifer enacted on Cas as an innocent bystander to all this, one of Michael’s former underlings being stabbed by one of Lucifer’s former underlings). Michael has already banished Lucifer to the cage once, and is fully committed to the apocalypse and killing his brother a second time. For all Lucifer’s flaws, I think he would genuinely hesitate to try to kill Michael in all the iterations of these fights, which is how in this fable, that we know at least 4 enactments of JUST in the primary set of Michael vs Lucifer before we get to all their mirrors in Cain & Abel, Gordon and his sister (and Jake from 2x22 and his) etc, and Sam and Dean… Michael kills Lucifer almost every time unless stopped, and many of the worst mirrors do too. Cain asks Dean why he didn’t kill his, as if fully aware of the weight of how every Michael has his Lucifer, and Dean says you never give up on family, ever. Dean has love, and that is why he said yes to Michael.

So it’s that balance that there’s a killer streak in them, that Dean can descend into states of killing for purity, for the mindlessness of it, that he becomes a tool, a blunt little instrument, and finally the Michael Sword, and yet he also has this ultimate power of love that the universe literally turns around and has shifted on its axis multiple times because of, because of all these people, Dean is the one who never gives up on family. So the issue of how murderous Dean is is REALLY REALLY interesting, like how they got him to break in hell, bookending his power of love saving of the world in 5x22, from his worst to his best. And then on it’s “oh you’re torturing again!?” as a sign that Dean is in a bad place. And of course now Michael in Dean is torturing vampires, so this is the absolute culmination of all the darkest parts of the symbolism and themes that make up Dean’s darkest side, and he’s being made to live through all of them right now. 

However, I expect Eugenie to consider maybe like 2 facts from that whole thought process while writing because she’s just so wildly bad at this whole thing… So, yeah. I’d like to see what Meredith does with this instead, by a factor of millions. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Hey Nancy: Do you want me to come down and stay with you, it can't be much fun just having Buster for company, like Rio: That's okay, I can't have you playing truant too Rio: I'm going to make him go back before long, swear Nancy: Ri, please. You know what school is like for me, any excuse, I swear Rio: Your 'rents would have me like forreal Rio: I know how shit it is, even more now, soz Nancy: Do you hear them shouting down the phone to him? No 'cause they aren't Nancy: Not to be that bitch, 'cause it's so not funny, but you have kind of taken the heat off me so Nancy: I owe you Rio: Priorities, like, though I dread to think what happens when your Mum gets to me on her list Rio: Reckon I can claim that as any kind of excuse/reasoning or? Nancy: Don't worry nobody exists to her right now but my Auntie Nancy: Which is a sentence I never thought I'd say Rio: I know, but that's good, I mean Rio: as good as anything can be Rio: You know I never meant to do this to her, right Nance? Nancy: Of course Nancy: I think I understand better than most, right? Rio: What do you mean, like? Nancy: You and him Nancy: You didn't mean to, like I didn't, but it happened 'cause it had to, you know? Nancy: You can't help how you feel, even if you want to Nancy: Especially when you want to, like Rio: Oh, no no Rio: It really isn't like that Rio: like, I hear what you're saying on all that but that's not what that was Nancy: You and him aren't Nancy: I don't know how to word it now Nancy: But he looks at you like Nancy: And you're always tilting your phone away for someone Rio: Not him Rio: I wouldn't lie, I'm not saving myself from anything at this point, if that was going on I'd tell you Rio: He wanted it to and, yeah, I knew that before this baby shower but I didn't lead him on or encourage him Nancy: Okay, well now I feel weird Nancy: Fuck, I'm sorry Nancy: I really projected there Rio: It's okay Rio: It'll be the general consensus and almost certainly how he'll frame it but no Nancy: It's not okay Nancy: He did that and I've been talking to you this way Nancy: Wow Rio: I mean, I don't think I did Rio: I thought he was good looking, sure and I tried harder with him than most of us did but Rio: I didn't actually want anything to happen, nor think it would Nancy: I'm as bad as him so there's nothing I can say Nancy: But I still think you'd know if you did or didn't Nancy: And if you didn't want anything to happen, the signals are there, even if you are that committed to only seeing what you wanna see Nancy: He can ignore them but like, you still gave them out Rio: Don't say that, you aren't like him at all Rio: You'd never do or say half the things he did Rio: especially when he had so much reason to know I wasn't interested, you're right Nancy: I mean, I did kiss someone who didn't want me to Rio: It is different, just by nature of what it is, was Rio: Should you have done it? 'Course not but there was never reason or chance for Sian to give out the clear no I did Rio: Because, well, you know Nancy: Yeah Nancy: If I thought for a second that she didn't want me to, I wouldn't Nancy: He clearly didn't have the same qualms about it Nancy: That's so disgusting Nancy: On levels that I can't even Rio: I know she won't be ready to hear it Rio: probably not ever from me Rio: but Ro is better off without him Rio: he's still dealing, which I think we all knew Rio: and I've seen him out, he isn't her Prince Charming, like Nancy: Me and mum have been saying it for as long as they've been together Nancy: As much as she'll talk about any of it to me Nancy: I've overheard more than she's probably ever said but Nancy: I feel like I can't tell her either 'cause it's like oh the man hating lesbian at it again Nancy: But he's just Rio: He really is Rio: and he isn't a good Dad Rio: maybe he'll be better for this one but, he isn't to Edie and Indie barely thinks of him that way either so Nancy: Poor Astrid Nancy: Maybe we can move Ro in with us now? I don't know Nancy: Like it's at a point that I'd move into Indie's room at hers if she'd let me Rio: I'm glad she's got you all around, she's going to need the help Rio: My Ma and all of them will be there too Nancy: Let's be honest, she would of even if he hadn't done this Nancy: Oh my god Nancy: I'm never having kids ever Rio: Yeah Rio: I was joking that that shower was effective contraception before but now Rio: fucking hell Nancy: It's made me not wanna have sex again and I can't even get pregnant so Nancy: Good lord Rio: Think that's the first time I've legitimately laughed since Rio: Oh babe Nancy: Rio? Rio: Yeah? Nancy: Where are you gonna be? 'Cause you said your family will all be there but Rio: I don't know, honestly Rio: but my job at the angel is coming to an end and then with all this Rio: I might try somewhere else, just for a bit Nancy: It worked for me Nancy: I'll miss you though Rio: I'll miss you too Rio: You're gonna be going soon too though, yeah? And June and Buster Rio: I don't want to be the only one left behind just 'cos I don't have the brains, like Nancy: We'd never leave you behind Nancy: You can go in my place if you want, change the major to maths or something Nancy: I don't want to Rio: You've got to Rio: You're just scared, but it'll be incredible, and the right thing for you, most importantly Nancy: I'm really, properly scared whenever I think about it Nancy: What if it's worse than here 'cause I'm alone on top of everything else Nancy: I can't just change schools like I did before Rio: You can, like, that first year Rio: but you're not going to want to, it'll be nothing like School Nancy: Everything's changing so much, like you said Nancy: I'll even miss Buster, and what the fuck is that, like? Rio: He'll be wanting to visit all the time Rio: Me too, like Nancy: I need to see where I can get accepted first, slow down you two Rio: You so will though Rio: World's your oyster Nancy: Yours too Nancy: And we still have Milan, yeah? Rio: Romantic 😉 Rio: but yeah, I've not drank away my funds or anything drastic yet Nancy: I was gonna say I love you, but I'll keep it to myself now, fine 😏 Rio: New drama alert Rio: they'll not survive Nancy: Don't Nancy: I can't handle any more Nancy: It hurts so much, doesn't it? Rio: It does Rio: got to believe that was rock bottom though Rio: can't get any worse, only way is up, all that shite Nancy: God, I hope so Nancy: Give us a break Rio: Backatcha Rio: No more scandals from either of us, right? Nancy: It's my brother's fucking turn Nancy: While I'm on the subject, can I ask you something? Rio: Sure Nancy: Why pick him for a getaway driver? Of all of us Nancy: I know what he said but Nancy: I'm not saying it's the weirdest part of this, but I'm also not saying it isn't Rio: Gays can't drive, right? Nancy: I'm a walking stereotype, alright, emphasis on the walking Rio: 😂 Rio: Exactly Nancy: Tell him not to spend every euro on himself, yeah? Nancy: Nobody needs to eat out every night in a new look Rio: I did drag him to Skerries, no doubt the response but I'll let him know Nancy: He loves it don't let him deny it Nancy: Even if he did nearly drown 🙄 Rio: Another touchy subject Nancy: When his ego is involved, if you aren't stroking it you're asking for trouble Nancy: Boys ugh Rio: Don't need to tell me, babe Nancy: I won't bother telling you that girls are far superior Nancy: What do I know? Rio: Is it? 😏 Nancy: Can you please come back soon so I don't have to drink alone Nancy: I need my wingwoman back Rio: 'Course Rio: London is on my list of maybes so might even meet you there, like Nancy: Yeah? Nancy: If you run into Chlo, you know what to do Rio: Absolutely Rio: Doubt I'm affording her postcode but I'll drop by with the 👊 Nancy: You doesn't even have that much money, she just acts like it Rio: If I can take any life lessons from the bitch, like Nancy: As long as you stop there and don't take fashion tips too Nancy: I still have to be seen with you in Milan, like Rio: 😂 Where's the lie Rio: she was stalking me a while back, bizarrely so I was petty and did some myself and yikes Nancy: I try not to be that bitch but I HATE her so much Nancy: Oh? How and why? Rio: Understandable Rio: I reckon she keeps tabs on us all, she's like weirdly obsessed with you and your Brother Rio: idk, she double-tapped by mistake, amusing Nancy: Gross Nancy: But I was the one who fancied her, okay babe sure Nancy: I bet she tries to look up all of Buster's conquests still, good luck with that Nancy: I'm invested and even I gave up years ago Rio: Honestly Rio: ain't in a mood to be talking about ladies who doth protest too much but well Rio: look what you made me do Chloe Nancy: Her and Drew should start a club and get jackets Rio: She'd love that Rio: get rid of 'em both in one, bit hopeful perhaps but worth a shot Nancy: I try never to feel any sympathy for my brother ever, but she really drove me there Rio: It was fucked Nancy: It's messed his head up Nancy: I can see how sad he is Rio: I know Rio: but he'll be alright Rio: we all will Nancy: Yeah Rio: I promise Rio: hit me with a more enthusiastic yeah thanks Nancy: yeah!! Nancy: I miss you already Rio: You're cute Nancy: Try and control yourself though Nancy: No drama, remember? Rio: 😂 Rio: It ain't gotta be drama baby Nancy: Are you gonna divorce yourself from our bloodline so we aren't cousins? Nancy: Quite drastic but I like it Rio: That's just the kind of dedication you can expect from me Rio: What can I say? Nancy: No other girl has ever gone that hard for me Nancy: So thanks Rio: Should hope not Rio: 👀 up the sibs now Nancy: 😂 Nancy: On the dedication scale in general, babe Rio: Whatever you say, McKenna Nancy: What I should say is that I have so much homework to do Nancy: Which I gotta since you won't let me skip 😒 Rio: Unlucky babe Nancy: As you're also insisting I'm uni bound I better stop complaining and just do it Nancy: So high maintenance you are 😏 Rio: Obviously Rio: always about that sugar Nancy: Don't be a stranger, like Nancy: And don't start preferring the other twin, yeah?