#i asked my friend who knows chinese to do this I PUT SOME EFFORT IN THIS DUMB STUPID THING OKAY | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vynegar · 2 years ago

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vyn rainy pickup SSR, part one & two

it’s been far too long (almost a year and a half!!) since my last vyn translation :’) so i figured i should live up to my blog name again. also, it feels fitting to pick this card to translate, since in some ways it reminds me of his RRG card that i translated.

disclaimer: this is a fan translation and i am not fluent in chinese, so keep in mind that there will be mistakes. feel free to let me know if you have questions, concerns, or comments.

do not repost without explicit permission. if you want to quote this or reference parts of the translation, credit and link back to me.

check my masterlist for more translations.

timestamps go along with the card video here. it’s not mine, please support the uploader Sherry’s Game Notes by liking/commenting/subscribing.

Title: Downpour (雨漫驰想)

[PART ONE]

[0:01] Bedroom

In the dark night, the slender stem and leaves of the potted plant on the windowsill swayed with the evening breeze. Vyn stood up to close the window, then shifted the plant further inside the room. The worry in his expression was clear as he looked at the yellowed edges of its leaves.

MC: The sutang flower still hasn't gotten better?*

Vyn: No... First its flowering period was delayed, now its leaves are starting to yellow. I worry that if we do not find the reason soon, this flower will wither.

Not long ago, Vyn obtained a precious sutang flower. It was an ornamental plant with flowers that glow silvery-white at nighttime due to a luminescent substance contain in it. The higher the price of the sutang, the more dazzling it is when it blooms. That should have also been the case for the one that Vyn obtained...

Vyn: Earlier I asked some botanist friends of mine, and they all said that there is no issue with how we are caring for it. Currently... I cannot think of any solutions either.

MC: (Is that really all we can do..)

Vyn had been putting so much effort into growing the sutang that I couldn't bear seeing him disappointed. A familiar address suddenly flashed through my mind. An idea struck me, and I subconsciously grabbed Vyn's sleeve.

MC: How about we ask a master florist to take a look?

Vyn: A master florist?

MC: That's right. They may not have as much theoretical knowledge as botanists, but from their years of experience growing plants... They might be able to find the key to why our sutang flower is unwell.

Vyn looked down at the sutang flower, his fingers gently brushing the yellowed leaves. He hesitated for a bit, but finally nodded.

Vyn: Alright. I will have someone find...

MC: No need! I know where to find one.

I winked at Vyn, purposefully keeping him in suspense. He gave a helpless smile, then played along with a puzzled expression of his own.

Vyn: Where is it?

MC: Four-Gate Loop Marketplace.

[1:37] Four-Gate Loop Marketplace

The next day, Vyn and I brought the sutang flower with us to Four-Gate Loop Marketplace.

MC: It's so lively...

The entire marketplace encircled an artificial lake in the center, forming the shape of a ring. At each of four sides was a large gate. Near the entrance, a number of shops had stalls set up along the path. The wide road seemed to be packed with crowds of people moving back and forth.

Vyn: I think I have guessed why it is called Four-Gate Loop Marketplace.

MC: Pretty unique, right? This used to be a really famous florist market, but now it’s become a marketplace for all kinds of things.

Vyn: Have you been here before?

MC: No, I've only heard of it. Afterwards, we can take this chance to browse around. But is it always so lively here... Ah!

Someone pushed past me from behind and caused me to stumble for a moment. Fortunately, Vyn was quick enough to catch me. That person turned back to apologize then hurried away. Vyn frowned slightly, pulling me in closer to him.

Vyn: Are you okay?

MC: I'm fine...

I was interrupted again by a burst of enthusiastic applause from the side, which I couldn't help but look toward. It turned out to be a stall vendor who was attracting customers. He had drawn in a number of people, making the path even more crowded.

MC: This is too much...

Vyn: There are too many people here. It will not help if we are stuck here. Fortunately this method of attracting customers does continue for very long, so the crowds will begin moving again soon. Come here –

Vyn tugged me, and I followed him up onto some steps. Having finally freed ourselves from the throng of people, I breathed a sigh of relief.

Vyn: Let us take a break. We can continue later.

MC: Okay.

Even though the temperature in spring wasn't very high, we were already covered in a thin layer of sweat. I handed a tissue to Vyn. After wiping his sweat, he crumpled the tissue in his fingers, rubbing it subconsciously. That sheet of tissue was twisted until it was all wrinkled, then quickly smoothed out again – a motion that Vyn kept repeating.

MC: (What's up with Vyn? Come to think of it, he rarely comes to places like this... Is he not used to it?)

Vyn: What are you thinking?

MC: Oh! …Nothing, just curious what that group of people is looking at.

Vyn: We can take a look at it when we walk past.

As he spoke, Vyn turned slightly, his face impassive as he avoided the person getting up onto the steps next to him.

MC: No it's okay, let's just find the florist.

Once some of the people had moved, we crossed the path to the entrance and finally got inside of Four-Gate Loop Marketplace. The florist area was right nearby. It was the most brightly-colored place in the whole market, with various plants organized and arranged by type. My gaze was drawn toward several white flowers.

MC: Vyn, aren't these sutang flowers? They seem to be growing pretty well.

I plucked a flower from the bucket and handed it to Vyn. He glanced at it and nodded.

Vyn: It is indeed a sutang flower. However, these flowers have not been grown carefully enough.

MC: Huh? Why do you say that?

The unique scent of sutang flowers was in the air. Layers of white petals swayed, some speckles faintly visible on them, their outer edges gently curling outwards.

Vyn: Because there are almost no speckles on the petals of these sutang flowers.

MC: Speckles?

Vyn: Yes. Those are the luminescent substance of sutang flowers, as well as the source of their nighttime glow. Providing a favorable environment and ample nutrients... Meticulous care can help sutang flowers accumulate this luminescent substance and ultimately create the effect of the silvery nighttime glow.

MC: I see.

???: ...

A young woman chuckled nearby. Vyn and I turned to see the shopkeeper watching us with an expression full of amusement.

[END PART ONE]

[PART TWO]

[4:48] Four-Gate Loop Marketplace

The shopkeeper sized us up, her gaze landing on the sutang flower in Vyn’s hands.

MC: Is something the matter?

Flower shopkeeper: This gentleman knows quite a lot about sutang flowers.

Vyn: My apologies. We are growing them too, so I could not help but talk about it.

Flower shopkeeper: That's alright. Everything you said was true.

Vyn: I heard that because sutang flowers are difficult to grow, many flower shops do not sell them.

Flower shopkeeper: That's right. Cultivating the bioluminescent substances is of course very challenging. If you don't focus on that though, the costs of growing this flower aren't particularly high. In addition, unlike that single sutang flower you're holding... The sutang flowers that we sell come from a field. The flower growers there aren't able to put painstaking care into every flower.

Vyn: I just thought it was a bit of a shame. After all, the value of a sutang flower is reflected in its luminescence.

MC: Still, these flowers are blooming with such vitality, look...

I took Vyn's wrist and pointed towards the sutang flowers, whose white petals were shining a pale gold under the warm spring sunshine. The petals that were ordinary in the shade became especially showy in the sunlight. Vyn didn't reply, only giving a noncommital smile.

Flower shopkeeper: Yes, these sutang flowers have been growing very well. It seems like your girlfriend really likes them. Why don't you buy her a bouquet?

Vyn: Buying her flowers...

Vyn slowly twirled the stem of the flower as he seemed to consider the shopkeeper's suggestion. Feeling the silent atmosphere, I took the flower from Vyn and put it back, then waved my hand at the shopkeeper rather apologetically.

MC: There's no need, we already have a sutang flower. Also, we still have other things to do.

A look of surprise flashed across Vyn's eyes. I snuck a wink at him, indicating that he didn't need to worry. The shopkeeper nodded in understanding and didn't try to sell any more.

MC: Oh right, do you know where we could find an experienced florist nearby?

Flower shopkeeper: That would have to be Master Zhou. Look, he's right over there.

We looked in the direction the shopkeeper was pointing at and saw a wooden door. After thanking her, Vyn and I left the flower shop.

[6:37] Cabin

A little while later, we found Master Zhou, who warmly welcomed us into a small room. Vyn placed the sutang flower on the table. Its stem was drooping, still not showing any signs of improvement.

Master Zhou: Ah, a sutang flower. It's in good condition, it just looks a little dull and lifeless. How do you guys normally grow flowers?

Vyn: With air humidity at roughly 73% and nine hours of low sunlight every day. However, we mainly use a grow lamp in place of natural light. Also...

Master Zhou: Alright alright... I think I get it.

Master Zhou interrupted Vyn, his expression slightly mystified. He turned the flowerpot left and right, carefully studying the plant's condition. Then, he took a pinch of soil and rubbed it between his fingers.

Master Zhou: This soil seems different.

Vyn: Yes, it is artificial soil for growing. This improved soil has the exact proportions of nutrients that plants need, to be more conducive to their growth. I specially switched the soil in order to help the sutang flowers grow better.

MC: Yeah, we've tried using this artificial soil when growing other plants and it's very effective.

The more Master Zhou hears of our explanation, the deeper he frowns.

Master Zhou: Hold on, isn't that the problem?

Vyn: What?

Master Zhou: You guys are growing the flowers too carefully. These luminescent sutang are precious, but they're not delicate. They'll grow great in their natural growing conditions, with just a few essential nutrients added in. Forget about anything else. Just follow my advice, switch this soil.

Master Zhou straightforwardly listed out the problems without giving us a chance to interject. I snuck a glance at Vyn, who was silently staring at a bit of mud staining the edge of the flowerpot.

MC: Master Zhou, we...

Vyn: Then we shall switch the soil. Master Zhou, do you have regular soil here?

Just as I was about to explain, Vyn interrupted me. I looked at him in surprise.

Master Zhou: Of course we do. Hold on, I'll go get it for you guys.

Vyn: Thank you very much.

Once Master Zhou left the parlor, I shook Vyn's arm.

MC: Why did you suddenly agree to switch the soil? I know that's what Master Zhou said, but the soil might not be the issue.

Vyn: Because I suddenly remembered a characteristic of sutang flowers that is often overlooked.

MC: What characteristic?

Vyn: They typically begin producing new flower buds in the winter, surviving and sustaining new life in the bitter cold. Just as Master Zhou said, they are not delicate. I wanted to let it avoid all possible dangers, and perhaps because of that, they lost their former immunity. Changing the soil is not a bad thing. I want to try it.

MC: Then later, should we ask Master Zhou about how to care for them?

The warm yellow light in the parlor concealed the yellow at the edges of the sutang leaves. At first glance, they were green and full of vitality. Resting his hand against the edge of the wooden table, Vyn thought for a moment, then shook his head.

Vyn: Master Zhou prefers to go with nature, only giving plants the necessary nutrients and care. That is fine for normal sutang flowers... But for luminescent sutang, human intervention is needed. I will not give up on that part.

MC: I see...

Vyn: Relax. I’ll adjust its care depending on the specific circumstances. I guarantee you will see their nighttime glow.

MC: Okay, I trust you.

As we were talking, Master Zhou returned to the parlor with the soil.

Master Zhou: I've brought the soil.

Vyn: Let us switch it.

With Master Zhou's help, we successfully switched the soil.

MC: Thank you so much, Master Zhou.

Master Zhou: Don't be so formal! If you have any problems in the future, feel free to come ask me.

Vyn: Alright. We shall be taking our leave now.

Vyn was about to pack up the sutang flower, but Master Zhou stopped him.

Master Zhou: Aren't you going to browse around here? These few days just happen to be the annual spring gathering. It's not normally this lively.

MC: Spring gathering?

My interest was piqued, but I quickly remembered how Vyn looked, twisting that ball of tissue, and I hesitated.

MC: Nevermind... There are too many people here today.

Vyn: It is fine. Thank you for your kind invitation, Master Zhou. We will browse around.

Master Zhou: That's right, now you two go on and enjoy yourselves.

Before I could react, Master Zhou stuffed a visitor's map into my hands and pushed us out of the room.

[END PART TWO]

[PART THREE]

*The flower in this card is called a 素棠 (sùtáng) flower, which as far as I can tell is fictional. The first part of its name probably refers to its white color, the second part is a character that appears in plant names such as 海棠 (hǎitáng, Chinese flowering apple)

or 棠梨 (tánglì, birchleaf pear).

#tears of themis #vyn richter #TOT Vyn #mo yi #tot translation

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neufhistoires · 1 year ago

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Loveless Marriage (FrUK) Chapter 10

Loveless Marriage

Chapter 10

Word count: 4,023

**There are some suggestive themes in this chapter**

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“Wait! I just need to take one more photo of these ones,” Francis called out as he leaned over pink flowers at the botanical garden, trying to get the best angle he could. Arthur was slowly, but surely, walking away from him.

Francis had insisted on buying a disposable camera at one of the souvenir shops (even though he obviously already had a camera on his phone) because it would be aesthetically pleasing to develop the photos and put them in a physical album. Arthur argued that it was a waste of money because he already had a camera on his phone, but that didn’t stop the Frenchman. His mind was set.

“You’re so slow– I’m heading to the next area without you if you don’t hurry up!” Arthur called out, although it really wasn’t much of a threat anymore, seeing as he essentially already did go to the next section of flowers without the Frenchman. Francis was going to ignore the other man until he glanced over and realized how far away he was, irritation becoming apparent on his face.

“Hey! I told you to wait!” Francis yelled back, his eyes narrow as he took one more photo and then ran over to the Englishman.

“I didn’t realize you were my parent,” Arthur muttered sarcastically, his gaze averted away from Francis as he snapped some photos of the next area of flowers with his phone camera.

“I’m not– I’m your husband,” Francis teased, a smirk forming on his face as he watched Arthur tense up and glance around to see if anyone heard him say that.

“That’s even worse! Stop it!” Arthur yelled in a hushed tone.

“You’ll appreciate the effort I put into these photos when you see them developed later. Hey, I might even let you make your own copies of them,” Francis said, completely changing the topic as though he hadn’t even heard the other man.

“No, thanks,” Arthur scoffed. “I’ll be posting my photos and sending them to my friends today– maybe even right now– because I don’t have to go somewhere and wait for them to be developed.” “You know, you’re so much more tolerable when you’re drunk…or sick,” Francis muttered, trying to take his next set of photos faster.

“Well, if I get poisoned, I’ll know who did it,” Arthur replied, but he let out a small laugh, which made Francis smile, too.

The two of them continued to make their way through the garden, making sure to take photos of, and with, the Coco de Mer plants, which Francis couldn’t help but make dirty remarks about. Then, they proceeded on to the Thai Garden and the Chinese Garden, where they listened to a park employee explain the history behind them.

After the interesting, but very detailed, history lesson, the two of them were hungry so they stopped at a restaurant called Wildflour Cafe, which was located in the botanical garden. Arthur ordered tea and Francis ordered coffee, both of which tasted exceptional. For the food, they split a savory avocado bun, which was essentially thick, toasted bread with avocado spread and tomatoes topped with basil. They split it because they also each ordered a piece of homemade ginger and lime drizzle cake, which was also, of course, delicious.

Just when Arthur thought that they were done and went to ask for the check, Francis went ahead and ordered wine… even though it was lunch time.

“What are you doing– drinking at this time?” Arthur leaned in and whispered, which caused the waitress to stop and wait to see if the Frenchman would still want it.

“We’re on vacation– normal etiquette doesn’t apply! I want to try their wine,” Francis replied defensively, making Arthur let out a heavy sigh.

“Whatever– I guess I’ll try some, too, then,” Arthur said, making the waitress smile and nod before she walked away to go get their drinks.

“That’s the spirit,” Francis mused.

“Yeah, yeah. Admittedly, I find things more tolerable when I’m drunk, too,” Arthur said with a laugh.

“Like I said, we’re on vacation. Would we really be enjoying it if we didn’t get at least a little bit wasted?” Francis replied, sounding like he was a college frat boy who couldn’t contain himself. Well, at least the Frenchman knew how to have a good time– Arthur would give him that.

The waitress brought them their wine and then Francis held the glass up expectantly, waiting for Arthur to lift his glass up, too.

“To us,” Francis said, locking eyes with Arthur as he gently clinked their glasses together.

Arthur wanted to scold Francis, to tell him to stop joking around about their supposed marriage, but… he looked so serious when he said it. It sort of freaked the Englishman out, so he took it as a cue to drink faster. At least he wouldn’t have to think about it too much if he got drunk. Maybe he wouldn’t even remember something as small as the way Francis looked at him then.

“My family’s wine is better, of course, but it’s not bad,” Francis said, swirling the wine around in his glass.

“I honestly couldn’t tell you the difference,” Arthur replied, making Francis scoff. He wasn’t sure if the Englishman was just trying to push his buttons or if he really meant it.

After they finished up at the restaurant, they returned to the botanical gardens to do one last walkthrough to see if there was anything they had missed the first time. It seemed a lot more laid back and enjoyable when they were a little bit tipsy. Francis wasn’t being uptight about getting the right camera angles anymore, and Arthur stopped complaining about the fact that the Frenchman wasted his money on a useless camera.

This time they were taking completely random photos together. Some of them were rather silly. Most of them were photos of times when they tried to make serious faces or pose elegantly, but they just ended up bursting out into uncontrollable laughter instead.

The two of them stumbled around the gardens for who knows how long until they started to walk back in the direction of their hotel. They continued taking photos and walking into souvenir shops, buying things that they definitely didn’t need, like big sun hats and flashy glasses. At one point, Arthur even started doing impressions of American presidents, which was when they realized that maybe they were a little too drunk.

Although… if they could notice something like that, then they probably weren’t too drunk at all. That was Francis’s reasoning at least when they finally returned to the hotel and went straight for the bar in the lobby. That was starting to become a regular thing for the Frenchman– getting wasted in hotel bars.

Still wearing their huge sun hats and sunglasses, they drank for hours until they genuinely started to feel sick. Arthur threw up all over the chair beside him, which Francis made sure to get a picture of on his disposable camera. He was grateful when Arthur didn’t treat him the same way though when he started to puke next. The mess they made wasn’t enough to embarrass them because they were too drunk to really comprehend what embarrassment even was, but it was enough to make the bartender kick them out.

They should have been embarrassed. At least a little bit, right? But instead they were laughing about it in the lobby.

The truly embarrassing part was probably when they both decided that they wanted to take the stairs, but couldn’t make it up more than three steps without falling over. It went on like that for a few minutes before one of the hotel employees politely suggested that they use the elevator.

On the elevator, they continued to mess around and laugh at things that they usually wouldn’t find funny. Francis pressed all of the buttons on the elevator, making it hit every floor on the way up to theirs. Arthur closed the door immediately each time they reached a floor, making it difficult for others to even get on the elevator while they were on it. It was surprising that they could even remember which floor their rooms were on, but somehow they made it to the correct floor…

Upon stopping outside their doors, Arthur leaned against the wall in the hallway, watching as Francis pathetically tried to get the key in the door to his room. He started to laugh at the Frenchman, which caused Francis to turn around with a frustrated expression on his face.

“Why don’t you try to open your own door instead of watching me?” Francis slurred, his whole world spinning when he turned around to lock eyes with the equally drunk Englishman across from him.

“It looks too difficult– I’ll just sleep here,” Arthur said in a matter of fact tone as he slowly slid down the wall until he was sitting on the ground.

Francis huffed and turned around to continue messing with the key. Then he realized he had been trying to use the wrong key and laughed at himself for a second before he put the correct key in and unlocked the door.

The Frenchman turned around again and saw the Englishman almost passed out in the hallway. Francis was drunk, too, but he could at least still recognize that sleeping in a hallway was wrong.

“Come on,” Francis mumbled, trying to lean over and grab Arthur’s arm without falling over himself.

“Where are we going?” Arthur slurred, his eyes still somehow closed as Francis tugged him into a standing position.

“You can sleep with me,” Francis replied, trying his best to focus for just a few more seconds so he could get the other man in the room and pass out in peace. Arthur wasn’t making it easy for the Frenchman though, as he kept fully collapsing into him. He almost knocked him over each time.

Eventually, the two of them got in the room, slamming the door on accident. At least the slam was loud enough for them to hear it and know that it shut for sure.

It would’ve been pitch black in Francis’s room, but he had accidentally forgotten to turn off the small lamp in the kitchenette, so the room was dimly lit. Unlike Arthur, Francis hadn’t made a mess by tossing clothes everywhere, so his room was well organized… before the two of them threw their sun hats, sunglasses, and all the other random souvenirs they had picked up along the way on the floor.

For a few minutes, the two of them didn’t really say anything. They both felt like everything was moving and every sound echoed, so Francis sat on the edge of the bed with a hand on his head and Arthur fumbled around in one of the cabinets trying to find a cup so he could get some water before bed.

It went on like that for a while, the sound of Arthur moving dishes around filling the room. Eventually, he found a cup, messily poured it with water, which got all over his hands, and then made his way over to the bed. Unfortunately though, as Arthur was walking over to the bed, just as he had almost made it there, he tripped on the unorganized pile of souvenirs and fell on top of Francis, spilling the glass of water on the other man.

“Merde! Arthur, what is that?” Francis slurred, not realizing that it was only water because he was too drunk and confused to have been paying attention to what Arthur was doing before he came over to the bed.

“Ouch, sorry,” Arthur mumbled, accidentally letting go of the glass completely as he tried to push himself off of the other man. Fortunately, when the glass hit the floor, it didn’t shatter.

As Arthur tried to use his hands to push him off of Francis, he accidentally placed his hand somewhere he shouldn’t have, causing the Frenchman to let out a groan. Arthur didn’t really realize what he had done, and then he made the situation even worse by reaching for a nearby folded blanket and attempting to sop up the water he had poured on the other man. Most of the water had spilled on his pants…

“Arthur, wait, I can–” Francis attempted to stop the other man, his cheeks flushed as the Englishman repeatedly wiped his lower half with the blanket. Right as Francis reached his arm out and grabbed Arthur’s wrist to stop him, the Englishman made contact with a certain area again and made him moan, this time much louder than before.

Although Arthur really couldn’t think too clearly, his body seemed to be thinking for him because his shorts suddenly started to feel tight and restricting after he heard the noise the other man made.

The two of them sat there frozen for a second before Francis said that he was going to take his shorts off because they were wet, but Arthur didn’t get off of him like he thought he would. No, instead he helped him take off his shorts, to which the Frenchman helped the Englishman take off his shorts, too.

It all happened so fast, as though in a matter of seconds the two of them had succumbed to some sort of primal urges and… became one.

They both weren’t thinking, their brains too distorted by alcohol to really understand what they were doing. They were only trying to get rid of the uncomfortable throbbing down below, so they didn’t even consider using lube or anything else that could have made the process a little less… regrettable the next day.

The sun coming up in the morning wasn’t enough to wake either of them up. They were both utterly exhausted from, well, a series of unfortunate events that led them to the situation they were currently in. It was only when an unassuming hotel employee entered the room to clean it that they realized how late it was.

The sound of the door opening was enough to frighten and startle them both. They glanced over at the woman who was staring at them wide eyed as if she had seen something she shouldn’t have.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize anyone was in here! I’ll excuse myself,” The woman said, covering her eyes as she fled the room, clearly embarrassed.

Francis wasn’t too concerned after he saw that it was just a housekeeper who had embarrassed herself by accidentally entering the room. He was genuinely oblivious to the whole situation due to the pounding headache from his hangover. So he carelessly drifted back asleep, figuring it was just because he had a tendency to sleep naked.

Arthur was going to fall back asleep since his head was killing him, too. He couldn’t quite remember the previous night, well, at all… but he just assumed that he had a hangover. It wasn’t like it was that bizarre of an occurrence for him. However, at first he did think it was strange that someone… Francis… was lying on top of him, but upon further thought that wasn’t really that strange either.

Something seemed off though, so Arthur shifted some as he tried to consider what it might be, his head hurting even worse the more he thought. What was truly bizarre was the way his ass stung when he shifted only slightly. No, actually, his ass… was terribly sore. He furrowed his eyebrows and shifted again, glancing down to get a better look at the man who was lying on top of him. The Frenchman had promised to wear pajamas if he was going to sleep in the same bed as him before, and yet… he was naked! Putting all of the pieces together, Arthur’s cheeks flushed and he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach.

Instead of waking him up gently, Arthur woke the Frenchman up with a rough shove. Usually the two of them could get away with shoving one another rather playfully and it meant nothing, but this time it actually physically hurt and startled the other man.

“Ow! What’s your problem?!” Francis yelled, falling over on the other side of the bed and grabbing his shoulder where he had been shoved. It was honestly such a hard shove that he would probably be bruised later.

Francis had been startled by being woken up so aggressively, but once his initial shock wore off, he realized what sort of situation they were in. Normally, he would have blushed and maybe even said something smug about the whole thing, but instead he felt sick to his stomach. It was just like the wedding, wasn’t it? Something that was meant to be romantic and meaningful had been screwed up, and even worse, he could tell Arthur wouldn’t ever forgive him for it. He was going to truly hate him.

“What’s my problem?! You’re the pervert who put me in this situation! I should’ve known you would do something like this!” Arthur yelled, getting off the bed and pulling his underwear on. His ass hurt so bad, but he was mad enough that he could look past that for the time being.

“Arthur– you have the wrong idea! My head is killing me! I was drunk last night, too! I can’t remember anything!” Francis yelled back defensively as he stood up and walked over to Arthur who was getting dressed so quickly it looked like he was running away from a murderer or a monster. Maybe that was what Francis was to him now– a monster.

“Get away from me, you liar!” Arthur yelled, almost tripping himself on his pants that were halfway on so he could put more space between himself and the Frenchman. “You’re always like this– sleeping around with anyone you can get your hands on! Didn’t it ever occur to you that other people have feelings, too, and not everyone is comfortable with how close you get to them?” Arthur continued, no longer yelling as he became more level headed, his words clearly striking to kill.

And it was working, too. Francis was too shocked to speak. That was really what Arthur thought of him? Well, it wasn’t as though he hadn’t alluded to it before during their fight when they kissed, when Arthur said that Francis would take anyone. He truly thought that Francis was a pig, a nuisance that was in his way.

“I knew something was up when you said that you wanted to sleep in bed with me because you were too cold. You’re disgusting,” Arthur continued to insult the Frenchman, pointing his finger at him accusatively.

At the beginning of their argument, Francis had wanted to defend himself, to explain that he didn’t realize what happened until morning either, that he never intended on hurting the other man, but… he felt so low he felt numb. He could only take so many insults.

When Arthur didn’t get a response, he simply said, “Stay away from me,” and left the Frenchman’s room.

That was the last time the two of them spoke before they got on the plane to return to England. Francis was still hurt by Arthur’s insults, but he had wrongfully assumed that the Englishman would be willing to make small talk with him on the plane.

“I went to develop the photos yesterday. I think the–” Francis was cut off when Arthur abruptly stood up from his seat and walked over to the nearest flight attendant, asking if there was anyone in economy who would want to switch seats with him. He explained that he didn’t care if the seats were more cramped, he just absolutely didn’t want to sit in his original seat.

With that, Arthur disappeared to the back of the plane, not even glancing at the Frenchman as he walked past him.

The two of them had fought several times. It was sort of their thing. But, it was usually a more playful, competitive kind of fight. Neither one of them had ever given the other the silent treatment for any longer than a few minutes. This time, they hadn’t spoken in days.

It was a painfully long thirteen hour flight. The whole time Francis was plagued with the thought that things would never be normal again, or well, at least as normal as they were. Arthur, on the other hand, spent the whole flight thinking about how Francis had gotten him drunk on purpose and taken advantage of him. He was contemplating every oddly intimate gesture and glance that the Frenchman made towards him and how he must’ve had a perverted ulterior motive. They were both miserable.

When the plane landed, Francis got off first because he was closer to the front. He waited for Arthur, hoping he would at least acknowledge that they arrived at the airport in the same car together, but when he greeted him, he was still walked past and ignored.

“Arthur, you’re acting like such a child,” Francis lashed out when the other man walked past him without a single word or glance.

“Maybe if you weren’t a disgusting manipulative liar, I would acknowledge you,” Arthur replied, stopping, but not turning around to look at the other man. He really knew how to hurt the other man with his words.

“You’re just as much at fault for what happened as I am!” Francis said, raising his voice as he stomped over to walk in front of the other man and force him to look him in the eyes. “We were both drunk! I can’t remember anything other than the next morning either!”

For the first time in days, Arthur reluctantly made eye contact with Francis. His gaze alone was enough to hurt Francis. It was so cold.

“You know what? Let’s say that’s true– that you really were drunk and you can’t remember anything. There’s still something worth noting– you aren’t disgusted by what happened, and I am,” Arthur said coldly, pushing past the Frenchman again.

Francis froze because what Arthur said was absolutely true and it devastated him. He understood why Arthur was upset– the whole thing was an accident, after all, but… the fact that he was disgusted with him and kept telling him over and over again really wounded him.

Arthur figured Francis was still following behind him, that he would get in the car and they wouldn’t speak on the way home, but when he opened the car door and nonchalantly glanced behind himself to see what the Frenchman was doing, he was surprised to see that he hadn’t followed him. He felt a bit guilty and hesitated for a second, but then he reminded himself that Francis was an adult with a job, so he was probably paying for a taxi, so he left.

The Englishman assumed that the Frenchman’s reluctance to respond or follow him after what he said was an answer in itself– Francis really must not have minded that they had sex.

Francis was indeed taking a taxi back to their house, but it still hurt to know that Arthur wasn’t even concerned enough to send a text asking how he planned on getting home. He honestly didn’t make too much money working part time at a flower shop, so he would be spending most of his savings on the expensive airport taxi, but he was dejected enough that he supposed it was worth it.

Francis got home later than Arthur because he had to wait for the taxi. He noticed that no one was home, but that Arthur had definitely already been there because his luggage was in the kitchen. He figured the Englishman must’ve left immediately in hopes that they wouldn’t run into each other.

The Frenchman went upstairs with his own suitcases and slowly unpacked his things, hoping that he would hear the familiar sound of keys jingling as they unlocked the front door downstairs, but hours passed and he hadn’t heard anything. When he came across the photos he developed and the silly sun hats and sunglasses, he broke down.

#hetalia #aph france #hws france #fruk #aph england #hws england #aph fruk #hws fruk #hetalia fruk #francis bonnefoy #arthur kirkland #hetalia france #hetalia england #hetalia fanfiction #hetalia fanfic #ao3fic #ao3 fanfic #ao3 writer

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otterandterrier · 1 year ago

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20 fanfic questions

Took this from @displayheartcode! You tagged me for a different one but I don't even remember what the last sentence I wrote was, so 😅

How many works do you have on AO3?

110

2. What's your total AO3 words count?

367,678

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Star Wars, but used to write for Harry Potter.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

One look and my heartbeat stops (Han/Leia, 197) Hungry hearts (Han/Leia, 194) And I saw sparks (Ron/Hermione, 189) Ignite my circuits and start a flame (Han/Leia, 162) Left unsaid (Ron/Hermione, 148)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! Because not everybody who reads leaves a comment (or even kudos), so I like letting that person know that I appreciate the extra effort, and I love interaction as part of the fandom experience.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

For SW, this chapter of Hungry Hearts I think?? For HP, unquestionably, And they put a wreath of flowers over his head

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

God most of my fics have sappy endings lol, how can I even choose.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I did when I still posted on FFN, Home of Trolls.

9. Do you write smut. If so what kind?

Yes I most certainly do! Generally, explicit and spicy and full of feelings. Probably still vanilla for some standards? 😅

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don't! And I don't think I ever will.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I've had my fics reposted on archives I didn't authorize, although with attribution. Properly stolen, I don't think so.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I had two Ron/Hermione fics translated to Chinese!

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Nope! Maybe one day?

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Well I have to say Han/Leia don't I

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I refuse to give up on WIPs. That said, I started a H/L honeymoon fic years ago that I might never finish because it had no plot just vibes. It might get repurposed for another fic.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I honestly don't know, not as in I think my writing sucks, I just can't pick anything specific? Okay, I guess I think I do a good job at getting into a character's mindset and exploring their thoughts and feelings?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I write sooo slowly. I'm incapable of writing a "shitty first draft"; I need to get my ideas down as closely as possible to the way I want them to on the first try. It's not because I need it to be perfect, it's just that if I write something down differently then I think I'll forget the way I wanted to do it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I mean, I am writing everything in another language already lol. But pretending I'm not... I think as long as it's genuinely respectful and researched, go for it!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

That's like asking about your favourite child (yes I know that's a cliche, but really). Also, I have a terrible memory and don't reread my fics often. Some of my faves are Under starless skies we are lost, keep with me forward (all through the night) and Homecoming.

Tagging a few writer friends, if you want to do it! @lajulie24 @walkawaytallblogs @diplomaticprincess @madame-alexandra @virtie333

#fanfic asks #fanfic questions #fanfic game #writing #about me

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system-society · 1 year ago

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Hello! I hope this is the right place to ask, but if it isn't I apologize for cluttering your inbox!

We're a relatively new system, so we're not familiar with all of the details of certain things. As the host of the Starlight System, I want to make sure we're not causing any trouble and such. We've seen a lot about Alter Race lately, and I hate to say it, but it does confuse me a bit. I completely understand the reason it doesn't exist and such-- and accept that entirely. But I am confused about it in terms of names. I have several fictives, many of them being from japanese sources. My co-hosts from these sources have an english / multicultural (?) name alongside their source name. We're relatively closeted still, so we don't sign ourselves off much, but around people who we are close to that know about us, we do sign off, and they typically sign off with their source name or a nickname based off their source name and introduce themselves as such. For example, my co-host Bakugou typically signs off as Kats. He chose another name, which is Liam, but he doesn't typically use it. Do I need to change this? My system is usually very agreeable with me and I'm sure they wouldn't mind making this adjustment, but I would appreciate some advice and opinions. Thank you in advance!

Okay so first off unfortunately I can’t really. Speak on anime fictives since I’m not bodily Japanese.

It’s an… extremely hard topic and I haven’t seen one answer. Many people don’t care and push for people to choose Chinese/Japanese names for themselves as the culture is not closed, however I have found that more mainland people are comfortable, and Disapora are a little more protective. Then, there’s also a difference between an anime name fictive and putting in the effort to create a tailored Asian name when the body is not Asian.

Ask what people around you are comfortable with. There’s going to be conflicting answers, because ethnic groups and races are not monoliths. There’s a large amount of people who genuinely don’t give a shit. I had a Chinese friend nickname me in Chinese, and it was perfectly fine by her to use. She didn’t care as long as it was used personally and not flaunted around. At the same time I’ve seen others bent on names Must be changed. So make a guesstimate through your friend group, and if someone comes with an opposing view, acknowledge it and meet them in the middle best you can.

#herb answers #herb’s advice

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akkrosu · 1 year ago

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Get to know me (ask game)

So, ummm, I’m finally getting back to this after @recentadultburnout tagged me all the way back in August, which I’m ashamed to admit I haven’t answered to in all this time. I never forgot though, so here I finally am, six months later, doing it after all. Hope it still counts!

Rules: bold the ones that are true and tag 10 people to do it.

APPEARANCE

blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // I have one or more piercings // I have at least one tattoo // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball hats backwards

For a brief period around 7th grade, I liked to wear makeup and nail polish before I realized they’re really not for me. In general I’d say I don’t really give much of an effort to my appearance, which is why almost nothing is bold in this section.

HOBBIES & TALENTS

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with friends // I travel during work or school breaks // I can do a handstand

I play the piano and the guitar, and many years ago I used to play the violin, but I was never good at it.

I speak English, German and Spanish fluently, and I’ve been learning Chinese for just over two years. I’m also currently trying to learn Portuguese, Russian, and Thai, but I haven’t gotten very far with those yet.

The number of new book series I’ve read this year depends on your definition. I’ve read the new volumes of 2ha and Heaven Official’s Blessing that have come out, if that counts. Other than that, I read Judy I. Lin’s A Magic Steeped in Poison and A Venom Dark and Sweet (if a duology counts as a series), two amazing fantasy books set in China and based on Chinese traditions like tea-brewing. And then there was a German fantasy trilogy by Marah Woolf called Wicca Creed.

I travel sometimes, but it really depends on the circumstances. I still travel with my parents sometimes, but I very rarely enjoy vacation with friends for some reason.

RELATIONSHIP

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush // I have a best friend who I’ve known for ten years // my parents are together// I have dated my best friend // I am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // I have a long distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online

I loved @recentadultburnout’s comment on this, and because I relate so much, I will put their quote here: I have been single all my life, actually. Not even a single crush. Probably an aro.

I’m still friends with my neighbor, who I’ve known all my life. Also some friends from school I’ve known for that long.

AESTHETICS

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sun rise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire // I pay close attention to colors // I find mystery in the ocean // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favorite season

I’ve probably watched the sun rise more than once in my life and just can’t remember because I was a child or something, but the only time I consciously remember was this August when I went to China for a summer program and our group went to climb Lao Shan, a mountain near Qingdao.

I love rainy days and thunderstorms, but mostly when I don’t have to leave the house and can watch from a warm, dry place.

I often have trouble falling asleep, so I usually listen to my Sleepy Songs playlist or watch Bob Ross.

In real life, I don’t really pay attention to colors, but @respectthepetty has taught me to at least do it in BLs.

I think the ocean is hiding more things than we can imagine, considering we’ve only explored about 5% of it.

I don’t enjoy sports, but I like hiking (even though I don’t do it a lot) because it’s very calming and you can just let your mind drift.

MISCELLANEOUS

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs

I think it’s different in the US (and this particular point feels very American to me), but I live in Germany and here you usually have to be able to use a stick shift to get your license.

I sing in the shower, but only when no one else is home.

This was fun! I don’t know enough people to tag 10 of them, so I’ll just throw some tags into the wild and see who feels like doing it (no pressure, of course): @ellaspore (who I haven't talked to in way too long), @biochemjess, @majestictortoise, @respectthepetty, @firstkanaphans

#tag game

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kayatoastkkat · 2 years ago

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maybe it's about time I made a post to describe my blog idk i saw others do it

I'll update this as time passes :D for now this post shall exist and you will see it every time you make the decision of clicking on my blog. I think it's meant to make navigating here easier?

giant text wall incoming...

Oook! To start off, some facts about me here!

You can call me Kat, or any variations of my user will do!

I am Singaporean, can speak both English and Chinese fluently (doubt about Chinese though). Also a minor, so take note of that please! I don't mind interacting with people who aren't but if people have a problem with that I'd understand and stop bothering you.

You can use my art, as long as you credit me properly! My ask box is open, as are my dms, so feel free to drop me a message if you don't feel like sending a question where I'll reply and post publicly (actually please do message me please I'm lonely I want to talk pleas-)

Even though this blog is mainly The Glass Scientists, I'm in several other fandoms although I'm massively inactive and contribute nothing to them. Examples include Good Omens, Nevermore (webtoon), Legend of Hei, The Owl House, Amphibia, just usual fantasy adventure stuff mostly.

Enough about me I believe, since you already can tell I love to talk, now here are tags I use!

#my art : for all the art I post, from my digital art I put in time and effort on to silly doodles I drew to stop myself from falling asleep in class

#my shitposts : stuff I post for funsies, usually memes or tired 2am thoughts inspired from my chaos group chat

#kkat's monday rants : for whatever reason, you want to find my rambling and breakdown on each new TGS page. Here they are!

and naturally, anything TGS would go under #the glass scientists, where it forms most of my blog. Do take note this includes reblogs!

#tgs as vines : exactly what it says on the tin. edited by my friend, drawn by me. inspired by Overly Sarcastic Productions' vine series

#the crow house au : simply put, I made a TGS crossover with The Owl House. mostly sketches as I have no solid plot with this au yet, but that might change in the future 👀

#kayatoastdtiys : for my 100 followers DTIYS and its submissions!

#nevermore webtoon : all my fanart for the webtoon Nevermore by Kit Trace and Kate Flynn!

there is #real life stuff . rants and stuff that happened irl go here

Hope you can have fun on my blog! I know I look really gloomy but trust me I am capable of happiness please-

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thepolyamorouspolymath · 5 months ago

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In another edition of "BE A BETTER FUCKING LIAR", a guy we'll call... Sales (bc fuck 'im, he's not worth a good name)... hit me up on Facebook, which I hate but use for business-y shit.

First weird, bc I just set all new profiles everywhere bc my stalker ex had his friends bugging me and so it had like 4 business related posts and the profile pic was a cartoon of me that my extremely talented kid drew (who I'd be happy to put links for except he doesn't give them to me... @aceofenderafterdark though, he's great) and like a 2 sentence bio calling Damian the worst Robin and Episode 1 the worst Star Wars.

That was it.

Claimed my profile image showed creativity, and I'm like yep sure does... that of an 18 year old boy who helped his mom our by drawing it bc I'm terrible. Had a bunch of comic stuff, though didn't seem to get into my analysis of them but just like pics of merch. Which neat but I'd rather hear who you think is better Superman or Martian Manhunter and why it's 100% J'onn than see a picture of an action figure.

Made my no casual sex position clear. He claimed that no he really wanted to get to know me and a relationship.

Yeah, sure, never heard that before.

I'm asking him questions... getting like nothing back. He invites me to his place including some play, I said no.

I said I had given him the playbook, that I expected some romance, some wooing, some genuine interest beyond physical before I met and he hadn't passed the pre screen

He countered he'd be romantic in person. I explained that sweaty groping isn't romance and any guy not willing to put in the effort in advance isn't going to be -- they say it to get you there and then keep pushing your boundaries and standards hoping you'll fuck them on a whim.

"No I want to tease you before I fuck you."

First, confirms my opinion, second tells me you're gonna be a shitty partner since you haven't listened to what I like.

Asked me for the same damn thing I already said no to -- y'all, I do not stutter, I do not mumble, I don't waffle, I don't try to soften blows... when I say no, it is incredibly fucking clear.

He claimed he needed more guidance on what I was looking for in pre screening. I said showing genuine interest beyond physical would be a start.

He asked my favorite movie.

I'd already told him 3 times.

AND IT'S RETURN OF THE FUCKING JEDI, ITS NOT EXACTLY OBSCURE!

Some other dude tried to say men don't pay attention to that shit bc they think important things (bitch I am analyzing the entire planet at once and I can tell you how to make B's favorite chicken without doing it for years, remember his Chinese name I'm forbidden to use, how to make M tea I haven't made in 8 years, along with his favorite war stories even though they bored me, what game N liked at the casino and his favorite TV show... and they were years ago. I can also tell you Riveria's WS ERA in the 90s, and describe the phenomenon of the exploding fastball and how few pitchers have ever pulled it off, put forth a compelling defense of Pete Rose for the Hall even if he's a bastard bc he knows more about the game than any man living or dead.... I can cite constitutional theory and precedents for how all drugs constitutionally should be legal, though regulation is fine, give you an analysis of any philosopher taught at a college level that decimates the professor, discuss the comparative strength of every classic Godzilla film, dissect and enjoy Shakespeare and Sanderson with equal measure and thoroughness, BACKWARDS AND HEELS... Men have too much important to remember a movie. Bite my feminist ass.) And beyond that an extra question of "why?" would have demonstrated how I think as well a lot about my values and character (I take my Star Wars seriously.)

Honestly, I expect people to lie sometimes. I don't like it but hey men lying to fuck women is nothing new. But ffs, doing so badly is so goddamn insulting to my intelligence.

Get better.

#shitty men #this is why i dont date #dating sucks #bad liars are insulting

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coughsyrups · 1 year ago

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there are so many thoughts stirring in my head and now that i’ve sat down to start spewing them out i’m overwhelmed by the magnitude and stuck, like i’m trying to squeeze chunks of my emotions through a hole big enough to fit one at a time, but easily blocked by many. i can’t say everything i want to say all at once. i backtrack, and repeat myself, and wander aimlessly around what i want to say like a fool.

i think i’m going crazy.

getting better is never linear. life imitates art imitates life imitates poetry; which is art, which, naturally, imitates life. don’t romanticize your suffering, because pain isn’t necessarily beautiful, and just because you can find beauty in your sorrow doesn’t mean you needed to suffer. just because you put your vase back together with golden glue doesn’t mean it never broke in the first place. being fragile and pretty and traumatized is not cool, actually, and i’m sick of the metaphors, and the narrative, and especially the foreshadowing.

i have always read writings written on walls. and i sit down and i write my little songs about it, and when i get hurt inevitably it’s marginally easier because i knew it was going to happen. and i already wrote some four chord ABAB bullshit that i can sing over and over again until i process it by desensitizing myself to the situation. because i have to make everything funny, i have to make everything palatable, i have to make everything art. and i haven’t been creating art lately. god, haven’t i suffered enough? this isn’t the kind of suffering i know how to write about. not having money to eat isn’t something you just slip into the second verse. i’ve tried and tried, and no one ever sees the part where i try except for him. they see me quitting jobs, they see me calling out sick, they see me spending forty bucks on chinese takeout when i have bills and rent and appointments. what about me holding two jobs with 60 hour work weeks, and STILL struggling to save a fucking a dollar? i overwork myself to the point of burnout, and when i get a pitiful fucking nothing paycheck there’s nothing i can really do to hold out any longer mentally. so i quit. so i chase a dollar’s worth of a promotion and jump from job to job, sitting at the lowest rung, looked over and taken advantage of and talked about and misgendered, misgendered, misgendered. i want to hide!! i don’t want to see myself in windows walking from job one to job two, i hate everything about my body, and i use it as an excuse to not correct people using the wrong pronouns for me, which just makes me hate it even fucking more. oh, i understand why people use she/her, my boobs are just so big teehee!! but i don’t get how nobody even fucking tries. i’m not saying i’m some magical perfect person but i make an effort, a conscious, serious effort, to remember people’s pronouns, to ask their pronouns, to properly gender them. the only people who use my pronouns consistently are max and my mom, who are both cisgender. it hurts so bad when my trans friends don’t use my pronouns. you should know more than anyone! how much it sucks! do i have to take hormones? do i have to “dress nonbinary”? i don’t want to change my voice, i don’t want to change my closet, i don’t want to change anything except my chest, and that’s more a health and comfort and weight thing than dysphoria!

if i don’t get this breast reduction, i genuinely feel like i might give up entirely. on everything. on living well. on waking up. because wouldn’t that just be fucking great? the chance to be comfortable in my body for the first time since i was… 14? 15? if this gets ripped away from me i might just run away, i don’t know! i don’t have a cent to my name but i could do it. go home, work a job for a few months. save up a couple hundred. then go no contact with everyone who’s ever known me. buy a plane ticket. move somewhere far, where the cost of living is low, and just restart. i could steal my documents. i could figure something out. craigslist exists, i’m sure someone needs a roommate. would my loved ones try to find me? i’d leave a note, of course. something to say that i’m gone, and that i might come back, but i don’t know when. would they be willing to wait? i don’t know what i’d want them to do. part of me would want to be found, like some princess in a castle, waiting to be rescued and returned to the kingdom. but if i chose to leave, i would want to stay gone. maybe after a few months, i would send a letter. no return address, of course. i don’t want them to think i got murdered.

i don’t want to make people sad. i don’t want people to hate me. i don’t want people to even dislike me. i want to be loved, and make people happy, and be everybody’s best friend who they can talk to about anything. but i’m lonely, and i’ve always been lonely, and i always will be lonely. in every lifetime, every timeline, every minute, i’ve always been a step removed, like the narrator is possessing my body and observing characters in a story. i can see them, and they can see me, and we can talk and have fun, but i’m here to see this story through. i’m here to tell this story. i’m here to check for plot holes and predict the twists nobody sees coming, and then when everything’s over i move on to the next chapter. moving along like everything is fine. that’s just how the story goes, nothing i can do. i am lonely, and this last year and a half has been nice, because i think max is lonely like i am. i think we deal with it in different ways. i think i’m fighting my loneliness, challenging it, trying to change how i’m written, but he handles it so well. he can be alone, not that he always wants to be, but even when he doesn’t want to be alone, i don’t think it drives him half as insane as it drives me.

i want to rip my hair out, or shave it off, or give myself bangs. i want to scream, but everybody wants to scream. i want to drive my car off a bridge. (i want to fly.) i want to float motionless at the bottom of a bathtub. (my hair makes a halo.) and see? there’s the metaphors. there’s the poetry, and the art, and the symbolism, oh the symbolism, because i can’t just process my feelings like normal people do. but this is good, because the alternative to writing this is laying awake thinking this. or, rather, thinking three sentences at once, because of all these voices in my head talking over each other. i’m at the breaking point. i don’t want anyone to help me right now, i don’t want someone on snapchat messaging me “ily! i hope u feel better soon” which is ironic considering how many of those messages i’ve sent to others.

i’m confused. i don’t think i’m scared. but i’m anxious. and i’m frustrated. i don’t know what to do, going forward? i’m not gonna run away to wyoming. i’m not gonna kill myself. i have to keep living. and keep going. i have to prove to myself that things will get better. it’s sunk cost fallacy, i didn’t kill myself at 19 so why should i now? i could’ve then. maybe i should’ve, the only people i would’ve hurt would have been my family. nobody else was close enough to me where they wouldn’t be able to get over it. it’s funny, getting dumped after a month was the end of the world to me back then. like a kid, falling off their bike and skinning their knee, screaming and wailing so hard at the sight of a few drops of blood and some scraped skin that the neighbors come outside to see what’s wrong. the world is ending! but it’s not. you put on a bandaid and move on.

i’ve had worse injuries since then. and even though they hurt just as bad, i learned to push through the pain, to conquer it mentally. i’ve put on a lot of bandaids. but i’m not trying to minimize how it felt in the moment, because it is the worst thing you have yet experienced. and each time you have a worse experience, you’re better equipped to deal with it. even better, when you experience something of equal or lesser trauma, it’s no big deal! you’ve had worse! wayyyy worse. what i’m saying is, how i felt that night in 2019 was valid, because i had never experienced heartbreak before. i didn’t know how to deal with it. i didn’t know i could hurt like that. now i’ve been hurt like that so many times that i can shut it off, deal with it mentally, think it through, push through the pain. and i hope i come to a day when i feel the same way about right now.

i’ve met the love of my life. i’m scheduled for a life changing surgery. i’m finally been living on my own. i have two sweet little kitties. and i’ve been trying hard not to let the negatives outweigh the positives, but that’s not the full picture. i’m not being negative when i say things are bad right now. i’m being honest. things aren’t perfect between max and i. i have this weird sense of jealousy where i think about how i’m the “first partner he’s actually, genuinely loved” and also, the first partner* he hasn’t actually, genuinely fucked. (*a few outlier relationships have been excused from this statement.) and that’s so stupid, right? it’s so shallow. isn’t this what i wanted, something beyond just a sexual agreement between two people who don’t seem to like each other all that much? yes, it is, and i am grateful, i am beyond grateful to love someone who loves me, and cares for me and about me, who i love to spend time with and talk to, who i fall asleep next to. i just get this hangup. why not me? i know the answer. the answer is i’m not pressuring him to do something he doesn’t want to do, and that will never change. i’m not going to guilt trip him into having sex with me, and the thought of ever doing that makes me sick. but i feel odd thinking that there’s other people who have loved him, just like me, that shared this experience with him, and i haven’t. and i don’t know when i will. if i will? i don’t know!

the surgery has me scared. not because it’s a surgery, i’m not scared about complications. but what about the money, how long will i be paying this off for? what if there’s an issue with healing? an infection? breasts become misshapen? bottom out? uneven? i gain more weight and they grow again? as soon as i’m able to i need to work out. i don’t want to have my stomach be larger than my breasts and that’s probably going to be the case after the surgery. i just hope i like the way i look. i know i’ll be more comfortable but i just… i didn’t think this would happen so soon. this happened incredibly fast and i have barely begun to process it. i’m just basically half dissociative every day at this point.

and august is our last month in the apartment, and then we’re moving home. i won’t live with max anymore. i won’t live with the girls anymore. no more late night hot tub, no more queen sized mattress, no one holding me every night. everything’s going to be over. everything that we built here, we’ll try to get a storage unit but what if we can’t, what if we have to get rid of everything? we don’t have a lot of space in our new living situations. it just doesn’t seem fair.

i wish the money from the tax return had been spent wiser. i wish max hadn’t been unemployed for so long. i wish i could work 60 hour weeks without getting burnt out. i wish i made $100 a minute for playing cookie run. wouldn’t that be nice?

and now… the lawsuit. where do i begin? it’s entirely unreal. i thought i felt insane, now i’m starting to think i actually am. this is some serious psychosis, lilia, you should be admitted asap. i want this to happen for him and his family, they deserve it more than anything, i don’t really know… what i’m supposed to say about it though? i don’t want to say anything. i just want to say, cool, you have money now, my shift starts in ten minutes though so i have to go, i’m already late. what does this change? does this change anything? why would it? it’s just money. but then i think about when i was working runrun and the saint, working til 3 in the morning, crying and panicking over being a hundred short for something or other. is that over now? forever? i don’t know how he’s planning on budgeting/using it, i don’t want to say a word of advice to him on it unless he asks me. he doesn’t need unsolicited advice from me. this has been happening his entire life, and i’ve known for like, two days? there’s nothing i can say or suggest that he hasn’t already thought of.

but it’s strange to think about how this has been here the whole time, in the background, beyond my knowledge. never mentioned. never explained. “well i bet you have it figured out by now” no actually! despite how badly i’ve been wanting to snoop or eavesdrop out of curiosity, i have fully respected your wishes to keep this private! all i thought it was was some sort of settling of affairs. how the fuck would i have ever been able to guess a fraction of this situation?

i guess it’s not the worst thing to be blindsided by. at least you don’t have like, a kid, idk. but i hate to say it… if you were hiding this for so long, what else is there? is there anything else you haven’t told me? you’ve never given me a single ghost of a reason not to whole heartedly trust you and believe you’re giving me the full story. until now! that’s what i feel weird about. that’s why i’m kind of upset. what else do i not know about you? i’m pretty sure you know everything about me.

i love you. that hasn’t changed. i’ll always love you. i just don’t know why you let yourself be unemployed for over a month. i don’t understand how you could keep something as crazy as this under the table for our entire relationship. today is actually a year and a half from our first date. a year and a half without a word, except for, “would you be mad if i pulled a crazy rich asians on you?” i guess i should’ve said, no, i would not be mad at all! if you had worked that month, we might not be moving out. or we might still be, i don’t know. i’ll never know, because that’s not what happened.

i’m tired. see, this is how my writing always goes. all deep and flowery and full of metaphorical rambling that doesn’t make sense and is way too self referential and meta. but then the moment i start talking about my relationships i get more direct. and, idk, sassy. and i start saying fuck.

hey. you say you wish i could’ve met your dad almost every time you talk about him. and i’ve never told you this, because i don’t want to sound crazy, but i probably am crazy, and knowing me i’ll show you this some day, or, knowing you, you’ll just find it, so basically, i don’t mind sounding crazy. you wish i could’ve met him, and i wish so as well, but in a way, i feel like i already have. i see him in you, in how you act, and how you talk about him, and the stories, and the rare pictures and videos. when you’re talking about him, i feel like he’s here, next to us. i think we would’ve been friends. i think he would’ve liked my tattoo. i think he would’ve liked my music. i think he would’ve liked my family. he’s your angel, and that sounds silly, and i don’t mean it super literally, nor do i mean it in a cheap psychic way. i think what we put into the world stays there, our love. you have his love. you carry that with you, and i think you also carry his pain, because no one else was there to pick it up for him after he was gone. i don’t know what else to say, just that i’ve always felt connected to him through you. your love for each other is so strong that i can see it today.

pain isn’t beautiful. neither is suffering. it’s a misconception, because what’s really beautiful is perseverance, and strength, and every little good thing in the world. the scar is beautiful, but that wound isn’t. just because the healing was because of the pain, that doesn’t mean the pain was what created the beauty. we shouldn’t need to hurt.

thanks to sunk cost fallacy, i’m going to get better, because i missed my chance to kill myself four years ago, and now i have no choice but to keep living, to keep loving, and to make new reasons to stay alive. the only way out is through, because you can only go forward, and i missed the suicide exit and now i’m stuck on the bridge of recovery.

at least i have a sunpass.

0 notes

survey--s · 2 years ago

Text

499.

Who is your favourite sibling? I don’t have any siblings.

Do you have neat handwriting? Yeah, I get lots of compliments on my writing actually - when I worked at my last job I was always asked to do anything that involved writing lol.

Have you ever tried seaweed? I LOVE crispy seaweed. The Chinese near where I used to live did amazing crispy seaweed and it was dirt cheap lol.

Would you rather grow wings or a tail? Wings, for SURE.

Have you ever been to a gynecologist? Yes.

Do you get on Facebook every day? Yeah, I run my business through there so I’m on there a lot.

What is your Instagram screenname? I’m not putting my business name on here for everyone to see lol. I don’t have a personal instagram anymore.

Would you ever consider naming a child after a family member? Nope.

Do you know anyone who has the virus? Not so far as I know, but I don’t know if anyone is even testing anymore.

What do you remember from sex-ed class when you were younger? Pretty much everything - our school did pretty decent classes.

Are caterpillars more cute or disgusting? Aw, caterpillars are adorable.

Did you reject or accept your last friend request? I accepted it.

Have you ever made out with someone you weren’t dating? Sure, plenty of times.

What was the last thing you threw away? An ice lolly wrapper.

When you were born was the umbilical cord wrapped around your neck? No.

Do you have a guilty conscience? Nope.

Would you enter a burning building to save a kitten? I honestly don’t know - my own kitten? Yes. A random kitten? I’m really not sure as the idea of burning to death absolutely terrifies me.

Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John? In terms of names, Luke or Matthew.

Do you like avocados? Yes. Especially with bacon and poached eggs on toast.

What’s the worst name you’ve ever been called? I honestly couldn’t tell you.

What are some pieces of furniture that you must have in your dream house? I’d love a grand piano, a balcony (if that counts as furniture), floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, a swimming pool, a hot tub and an outdoor porch swing type thing.

If you smoke weed, what do you usually do after you get high? If you don’t, what would you do if everyone around you were smoking? I don’t, and I wouldn’t really do anything in the second scenario - it doesn’t really bother me if other people do it.

Have you ever studied human anatomy? Just what we learnt in biology, but I never really paid much attention.

Do you plan to do much or go anywhere tomorrow? I’m working until about 2, but after that I don’t really have plans - hopefully just chilling as this week has been absolutely manic lol.

Would you have more Word documents or images saved on your computer? Images, for sure.

What's your favourite non-dairy milk? Coconut.

Which sibling are you closest to, both physically (distance) and emotionally? I don’t hasve any siblings.

What would you do if your partner cheated on you? Our marriage would be over.

What’s the furthest you’ve gone with the opposite gender? Sex.

Have you ever taken part in an orgy or bondage party? Nope.

Does pain turn you on? Not in the slightest.

What time of day you were born? Around 4am.

Have you ever had sex at school before? No.

What piercings do you want? I’d happily get more piercings in my ears but we don’t have any proper piercing studios nearby.

How many people have you kissed? I have no idea, thirty odd?

Describe your dream home.

^^ like this, with a pool and land for stables. Do you watch porn? No, very much not my thing.

Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced? No.

How would you spend a million dollars? House, land and a new car, and a holiday.

Describe your best friend. That’s too much effort for how much energy I have right now, lol.

Do you still have feelings for any of your exes? No.

If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick? None of them, just because I would hate the lifestyle involved.

What’s your favorite kind of weather? Blue skies, sunshine and around 16-17 degrees - just how it was today and it was AMAZING lol.

What in your opinion is the best love song ever written? Meh, I’m not really into love songs.

Was your mother married when she had you? She was indeed.

Who was the last person(s) you took a photo with? Uhhh, my mum or Evie. I think Evie.

Do you like cheeseburgers? I do, but they’re one of those foods I pretty much never order lol.

Are you mad at your best friend right now? Nope.

Do you have a Flickr? No.

Anything exciting happening in the month of September? It’s our fifth wedding anniversary.

Where was your FB display pic taken? Predator Experience.

Your ex calls wanting to hang out. What do you say? I wouldn’t even answer my phone.

Would you get back with your last ex if they asked you? No.

Are any of your friends virgins? I very much doubt that.

#survey #surveys

0 notes

kaphzzz · 2 years ago

Note

please ignore this post if you dont want to see discourse on how a non native speaker isnt being purposefully rude.

sorry to put this not very happy post on my followers dash but as someone whose native language isnt english as well, i want to bring this kind of behaviour in the ask to attention because i can really empathise with op's reaction. and im usually a very nice person but incidentally today im also in an arguing mood.

and before someone accuses me of having this big of a reaction just because op is my friend, the below applies to all such situations. and because ive personally met this issue before too.

before you accuse someone you know isnt a mative speaker of sounding racist please consider their native language isnt english, and have trouble with grammar or phrasing things in a way thats politically/morally/whatever correct. someone who isnt super fluent IS GOING to make mistakes and maybe sound blunt or insensitive, and they are NOT doing it on purpose. please bear that in mind before you make an accusation of someone being racist or whatever.

instead of being accusing you can gently make a suggestion on how they may make corrections to the words they use.

and i do see that the person who made the ask does make a suggestion on how to correct the phrasing, and acknowledges the idea that op maybe isnt aware of the problem, but their focus really seems to be on the last sentence, which is the accusation that op is treating some particular race in a different and discriminating way and making others feel bad.

and yes, i know some people who sound racist/insensitive are actually being racist/insensitive. so how can you distinguish? go into that person's blog, and for the op here, you can clearly see she puts a lot of love and dedication into the art she makes for the characters, regardless of their race, and even while not being fluent she tries to vocalise her love for the characters in english.

so based on these observations: is she racist? no. is she maybe not the best at english? yes. you can even see first thing in her description that she has already made note of and apologised for her broken english.

to the person in the ask: maybe when you're basing your blame on the words someone use when they're not fluent in your language and making them feel bad about not speaking your language well, maybe consider the possibility that you're the one making her feel alienated and uncomfortable?

maybe me and the op can seem like we're overreacting, but imagine putting yourself out there and making an effort to communicate in english just for someone to bash you for it.

oh and before anyone goes pointing a finger at how op used the word 'yellow' for asian, hint: she herself is a 'yellow'. and this is because its a literal translation of the chinese 黄种人 (yellow race). yes, in english, its widely considered a slur. but here not meant as one.

tl;dr:

theres being sensitive about how people describe certain characters/races and letting others know you're uncomfortable, then theres being a rude idiot.

apologies again for not very happy long post and blunt words.

I want to start with the request of not posting this ask because I don’t want to attract discourse to your blog, and I’m assuming you just don’t know. I just wanted to say that when you describe a character(or person) as ‘The [insert race]’ it can strike people as alienating and uncomfortable? Bc the other characters never get described that way

Sorry but I had to post this ask 🙂 Anyway You are a coward who only dares to send opinions anonymously. Unfortunately today I am in a bad mood and you are driving me crazy 🙂 I don't speak English, and I don't know what you mean by "insert race". Do you mean ethnic minorities? I don't understand and I don't care! In my eyes, everyone is equal, there is no difference between whites, blacks, and yellows. I also treat the characters in my works equally. Because of my love for characters, I will spend time on fan creation. I like some characters more, and I draw more of their fanworks, and vice versa, do I have to draw the same amount of each character? What the fuck are you talking about? 🥹If you are not satisfied, just paint by yourself, are you noble? Point to my work with empty hands! ? 😅 Please don't be anonymous next time you come to accuse someone for no reason, so that we can all see who you are! 🥰

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fannish-karmiya · 3 years ago

Text

Wei Wuxian’s Position in the Jiang Household

Fandom tends to mischaracterise Wei Wuxian’s position in the Jiang family greatly. A lot of people project more modern ideas about adoption onto his relationship with the Jiang siblings, and write as if he really is their sibling and only Yu Ziyuan’s abusive nature gets in the way of their bond.

This strikes me as a bit misguided. While adoption was practised in ancient China, it was mainly for the purpose of obtaining a male heir in the absence of one, or obtaining more daughters to marry off for alliances. Jiang Fengmian had no reason to adopt Wei Wuxian into the main family, and he didn’t. Wei Wuxian’s position in the household is far more nebulous than that, and honestly it’s hard to find an exact corollary, in Chinese history or in any culture, precisely because it was so messy and ill-defined.

A Companion to Upper Class Children

Wei Wuxian is the son of a servant of Yunmeng Jiang; it’s notable that Wei Changze is always referred to this way, rather than as a disciple. Wei Changze wound up leaving the sect in order to marry Cangse Sanren, and Jiang Fengmian considered them dear enough friends that when he heard they passed away, he spent years searching for their orphaned son. He wound up finding Wei Wuxian on the streets of Yiling and brought him home as his ward.

Wei WuXian was taken home by Jiang FengMian when he was nine.

Most memories from back then were already blurred. Yet, Jin Ling’s mother, Jiang YanLi, remembered all of them, and even told him quite a few.

She said that, after his father heard of the news that his parents both died in battle, he had always dedicated himself to finding the child that these past friends had left behind. After searching for a while, he finally found the child in Yiling.

(Chapter 24, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s clear from the start that beyond this sense of obligation to his old friends, Jiang Fengmian also had a role set out for Wei Wuxian: he wanted him to be a companion to his children, and Jiang Cheng in particular.

He encourages a friendship between them, insisting on a sleepover between the two a week into Wei Wuxian’s stay.

On the second day, Jiang Cheng’s puppies were given to someone else.

This angered Jiang Cheng so much that he threw a big tantrum. No matter how much Jiang FengMian comforted him gently, telling him that they should ‘be good friends’, he refused to talk to Wei WuXian. Quite a few days later, Jiang Cheng’s attitude softened. Jiang FengMian wanted to strike while the iron was still hot, so he told Wei WuXian to sleep in the same room as him, hoping that they’d grow fonder of each other.

[...]

That night, Jiang Cheng locked Wei WuXian outside his room, refusing to let him in.

[...]

Wei WuXian waited outside for a long time. When the door opened, before the joy could spread onto his face, he was bombarded with a pile of things being thrown out. The door banged shut again.

Jiang Cheng told him from inside, “Go sleep somewhere else! This is my room! You’re even gonna steal my room?!”

[...]

Standing outside, as Wei WuXian heard that dogs would come bite him, fear immediately bubbled within him. Twisting his fingers, he hurried, “I’ll go, I’ll go. Don’t call the dogs!”

Dragging behind him the sheets and blanket that were thrown outside, he ran out the hall. Having only arrived at Lotus Pier for a short period of time, he didn’t dare jump around yet. Every day, he obediently holed up in the places that Jiang FengMian told him to stay at. He didn’t even know where his room was, much less have the courage to knock on other people’s doors, scared that it’d disturb someone’s dreams.

(Chapter 71, Exiled Rebels translation)

After Jiang Cheng is worried about getting in trouble, he goes to Jiang Yanli for help, and she searches for Wei Wuxian.

But this was the first pair of shoes that Jiang FengMian bought him. Wei WuXian was too embarrassed to make him go out of his way to buy another pair, and so he said that they weren’t too big. Jiang YanLi helped him into his shoe and pressed the hollow tip, “It is a bit big. I’ll fix it for you when we get back.”

Hearing this, Wei WuXian felt somewhat uneasy, as if he did something wrong again.

Living in other people’s homes, the worst that could happen was to make trouble for the hosts.

Jiang YanLi put him onto her back and began to walk back, wobbling in her steps as she spoke, “A-Ying, no matter what A-Cheng said to you, don’t bother about him. He doesn’t have a good temper, so he’s always home playing with himself. Those puppies were his favorites. Dad sent them away, and so he’s feeling upset. He’s actually really happy that somebody’s here to be with him.”

(Chapter 71, Exiled Rebels translation)

Later, Wei Wuxian offers to cover for him, saying simply that he ran outside by himself because he was scared. In this one case it feels like a genuine instance of children showing solidarity and covering for each other’s little misbehaviours. But it also follows a pattern of Wei Wuxian doing this and making excuses, time and time again, for Jiang Cheng. I wonder if on some level, he already knew that his role in the household was in part to be a companion-servant to Jiang Cheng.

Wei Wuxian normally never puts up with people treating him poorly or being arrogant; he constantly bites his tongue when Jiang Cheng does so around him. While they study at Cloud Recesses, Jiang Cheng frequently insults Wei Wuxian, who always just smiles and laughs it off.

Jiang Cheng humphed, “Him? He wakes at nine in the morning and sleeps at one during the night. When he wakes up, he doesn’t practice his sword or meditate; he goes boating, swims around, picks lotus seedpods, and hunts for pheasants.”

Wei WuXian replied, “No matter how much pheasants I hunt, I’m still number one.”

(Chapter 13, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng scolded with a darkened expression, “What are you proud of?! What is there to be proud of with this?! Do you think that it’s a glorious thing to be told by someone to get lost? You bring so much shame upon our sect!”

(Chapter 16, Exiled Rebels translation)

We never see Wei Wuxian excusing this sort of behaviour from any other character; he has no problem scolding Jin Ling for his arrogant attitude and telling him that he shouldn’t be imitating his uncle, after all! It’s only where Jiang Cheng is concerned that he does this, and honestly, even then he seems to be quite aware that Jiang Cheng’s behaviour is wrong; he simply accepts on some level that it’s his role in the household to put up with it.

He actually does, very gently, try to guide Jiang Cheng at times. In Lotus Seed Pods, for example, he tries to give Jiang Cheng advice on how to flirt with some of the maidens in Yunmeng and make friends:

Wei WuXian threw the seed pods toward the shore. It was a far distance, but they landed lightly in the women’s hands. He grabbed a few more and stuffed them into Jiang Cheng’s arms, shoving, “What are you doing, just standing there? Hurry up.”

After a few shoves, Jiang Cheng could only accept them, “Hurry up and do what?”

Wei WuXian, “You ate the watermelon too, so you also have to return the gift, don’t you? Here, here, don’t be embarrassed. Start throwing, start throwing.”

Jiang Cheng snorted again, “You must be joking. What’s there to be embarrassed about?” Whatever he said, however, even after all of the shidi began to throw seed pods, he still didn’t start to move. Wei WuXian urged, “Then throw some! If you throw some this time, next time you can ask them if the seed pods tasted good, and you’ll be able to make conversation again!”

[...]

Jiang Cheng was just about to throw one when he realized how shameless it was the moment he heard it. He peeled a seed pod and ate it by himself.

[...]

After a while of laughter, he turned around and looked at Jiang Cheng, who was sitting at the front of the boat eating seed pods with a long face. His smile gradually disappeared as he sighed, “Well, what an unteachable child.”

Jiang Cheng fumed, “So what if I want to eat alone?”

Wei WuXian, “Look at you, Jiang Cheng. Nevermind. You’re hopeless. Just wait to eat alone your whole life!”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

He even sighs rather disappointedly when Jiang Cheng refuses to take the hint; he knows that Jiang Cheng’s sullen behaviour is going to make him miserable down the line, but all of his gentle efforts to nudge him in a better direction have failed.

He also speaks with great awareness of Jiang Cheng’s flaws after the fight in the ancestral hall:

Wei WuXian reached out with one hand and massaged his chest, as if trying to break up the pent-up feeling inside his heart. A moment later, he blurted, “I knew Jiang Cheng wouldn’t have let us go so easily. That brat… How could this be?!”

[...]

Wei WuXian’s eyelids throbbed, “Every one of them. The brat’s been like this ever since he was young.He’ll say anything when he’s angry, no matter how bad it is. He gives up on all grace and discipline whatsoever. As long as it’d annoy whomever he’s against, he’d say it no matter what terrible insults he uses. After all these years, he hasn’t gotten better at all. Please don’t take it to heart.”

(Chapter 90, Exiled Rebels translation)

This is so interesting to me, because it really makes it clear that Wei Wuxian has always been aware of these flaws of Jiang Cheng’s. He hasn’t been viewing him through rose-coloured lenses or making excuses for him because he’s ‘family’. He puts up with Jiang Cheng’s behaviour because being his companion is one of his duties in the Jiang household. It may never have been directly stated, but there seems to be some unspoken understanding to this effect.

I honestly don’t know if there is any official role in history (in any culture, not just China) which perfectly correlates to this. In China a lady’s maid was expected to also be a close friend and companion to her mistress (in canon, see Bicao to Qin-furen and Yinzhu and Jinzhu to Yu-furen). In Europe an upper class woman would hire a lady’s companion, a woman from the lower fringes of the gentry who would serve as her companion in exchange for financial support.

I don’t know of any version of this role which involves two men. In general, this sort of role existed because upper class women were confined to the household by and large, and had very limited social spheres. Men, meanwhile, had much greater ability to meet with their peers and make friends. I almost feel like Wei Wuxian wound up being shoved into this role simply because even as a child Jiang Cheng was so unsociable that Jiang Fengmian didn’t know what else to do!

Wei Wuxian also at least once steps in and starts a fight in place of Jiang Cheng (essentially taking the fall for him). He does this when Jin Zixuan speaks disparagingly of Jiang Yanli at Cloud Recesses:

Jin ZiXuan asked in reply, “Why don’t you ask me how on Earth can I be satisfied with her?”

Jiang Cheng instantly stood up.

Pushing him to the side, Wei WuXian walked in front of him and sneered, “You sure think that you’re pretty satisfying, don’t you? Where did you get the guts to be all choosy here?”

[...]

Wei WuXian sighed, “… It’d be nice if shijie came. It’s fortunate that you didn’t hit him.”

Jiang Cheng, “I was going to. If you didn’t push me, the other side of Jin ZiXuan’s face would also be ruined.”

(Chapter 18, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s also very notable that Wei Wuxian is never shown having friends outside of Jiang Cheng’s social circle, despite what an outgoing and friendly person he is. Any time he expresses interest in someone for himself, as with Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng tries to nip it in the bud. Being unable to deter Wei Wuxian from Lan Wangji directly, Jiang Cheng instead tries to drive a wedge between them, constantly telling Wei Wuxian that Lan Wangji hates him.

“Yeah,” Nie HuaiSang spoke, “It looks like he really hates you, Wei-xiong. Lan WangJi usually… No, he never does something so impolite.”

Wei WuXian, “He hates me already? I wanted to apologize to him.”

Jiang Cheng sneered, “Apologizing now? Too late! Like his uncle, he surely thinks that you are evil and unruly to the core, and didn’t bother to pay you any attention.”

(Chapter 14, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng pulled him even closer, “It’s not as if you’re familiar with him! Don’t you see how much he hates you? You’re going to carry him? He probably doesn’t even want you a step closer to him.”

(Chapter 52, Exiled Rebels translation)

He even directly orders Wei Wuxian not to invite Lan Wangji to come visit him at Lotus Pier during the Lotus Seed Pod extra.

Wei WuXian, “Why are you so upset? My watermelon almost flew away! I was just being polite. Of course he wouldn’t come. Have you ever heard of him go anywhere by himself to have fun?”

Jiang Cheng had on a stern expression, “Let’s make this clear. I don’t want him to come, anyhow. Don’t invite him.”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s not only Lan Wangji he tries to steer Wei Wuxian away from; he also interrupts his conversation with Wen Ning at the archery competition:

Wen QiongLin was probably one of Wen Clan’s disciples furthest in bloodline. His status was neither high nor low, yet his personality was timid. He didn’t dare do anything and even his speech stuttered. Through much practice, he had finally conjured up the courage to enter the competition, but he blew it because he was too nervous. If he didn’t receive the right guidance, perhaps the boy would hide his true self more and more from now on and never dare to perform in front of other people again. Wei WuXian encouraged him a couple of times and touched on a few areas of growth, correcting some miniscule problems that he had when he was shooting in the garden. Wen QiongLin listened so attentively that he didn’t even turn his eyes away, nodding uncontrollably.

Jiang Cheng, “Where did you find so much nonsense? The competition is starting soon. Get into the arena right now!”

Wei WuXian spoke to Wen QiongLin in a serious tone, “I’ll be off to the competition now. Later, you can see how I shoot when I’m in the arena…”

Jiang Cheng dragged him away, short of patience. He spat as he dragged, “See how you shoot? Do you think that you’re a model or something?!”

(Chapter 59, Exiled Rebels translation)

Even when it comes to Wei Wuxian’s friendly flirtation with Mianmian, Jiang Cheng has something to say and tries to deter him from her:

Jiang Cheng, “The one that MianMian gave you? I didn’t.”

Wei WuXian exclaimed his regret, “I’ll find her for another one later.”

Jiang Cheng frowned, “You’re at it again. You don’t really like her, do you? The girl does look fine, but it’s obvious that she doesn’t have much background. Maybe she isn’t even a disciple. She seems like the daughter of a servant.”

Wei WuXian, “What’s wrong with servants? I’m also the son of a servant, aren’t I?”

Jiang Cheng, “How can you compare to her? Whose servant is like you, having your master peel lotus seeds for you and boil you soup. I didn’t even get to have some!”

(Chapter 56, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng really does seem to view Wei Wuxian in a very proprietary light; he’s not allowed to have any friendships which don’t exist under Jiang Cheng’s direct control.

The idea that Wei Wuxian was meant to be Jiang Cheng’s servant-friend is reinforced at its darkest when Lotus Pier falls: both Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian’s last words to Wei Wuxian are an instruction to protect Jiang Cheng.

One hand holding him, Madam Yu grabbed Wei WuXian’s lapels with her other hand as though to strangle him to death. She spoke through clenched teeth, “… You damn little brat! I hate you! I hate you more than anything else! Look at what our sect has gone through for your sake!”

[...]

Madam Yu, “Don’t make such a fuss. It’ll loosen up when you’re somewhere safe. If anyone attacks you on the journey, it’ll protect you as well. Don’t come back. Go to Meishan straight away and find your sister!”

After she finished, she turned to Wei WuXian and pointed at him, “Wei Ying! Listen to me! Protect Jiang Cheng, protect him even if you die, do you understand?!”

[...]

Jiang FengMian stared into his eyes. Suddenly, he reached out. Only after pausing in the air did he finally touch Jiang Cheng’s head, slowly, “A-Cheng, be well.”

Wei WuXian, “Uncle Jiang, if anything happens to you, he won’t be well.”

Jiang FengMian turned his eyes to him, “A-Ying, A-Cheng… you must look after him.”

(Chapter 58, Exiled Rebels translation)

Even Jiang Fengmian, who supposedly favoured Wei Wuxian, only gives him instructions as pertains to his own son; he doesn’t spare a single last word for Wei Wuxian himself.

A Lower Status Family Member

It wasn’t uncommon throughout human history, across many cultures, for wealthy families to take in relatives who were orphaned or had otherwise fallen on hard times. They tended to have a lower status than the main family; they lived with them and were still a part of their social sphere, but were not quite equal, either. The English term for this is ‘poor relation’.

Obviously, Wei Wuxian isn’t actually a blood relative at all. But his position in the Jiang household definitely has some similarities. He lives in the main house, eats meals with the family, attends school with the son... He is even on some conditional levels accepted into the gentry of cultivation society. But he isn’t a full equal member of the family, either.

The fact that he’s Jiang Fengmian’s ward, not a blood relative or adopted into the main family, puts him at even more of a disadvantage. It seems that Jiang Fengmian paid for all of Wei Wuxian’s expenses:

Wei WuXian took a bite, “Back then, I didn’t even have to pay when I ate at the dock. I grabbed whatever I wanted, ate whatever I wanted; ran after I grabbed, walked as I ate. A month later, the vendor would get the reimbursement from Uncle Jiang.”

(Chapter 86, Exiled Rebels translation)

While this is a bit of conjecture, I gather that he was given access to family money as if he was part of the clan, and could just charge Yunmeng Jiang whenever he shopped in Lotus Pier. Which is great so long as Wei Wuxian is accepted in Yunmeng Jiang...but as we see during the Burial Mounds settlement period, the moment that acceptance fades, Wei Wuxian is left out in the cold without a single coin. And because he isn’t a member of the family, it’s a far easier matter for him to be thrown aside, as he was when Jiang Cheng grew angry with him over his decision to protect the Wens.

Of course, Chinese families traditionally did share their wealth, and still do nowadays. Ideally, in a loving family, this is a positive and means they all support each other; but when that isn’t the case, it leaves the victims of abuse vulnerable.

In Wei Wuxian’s case, he has some of the benefits of being a member of the Jiang clan, without ever actually being a member. He can be cast aside at any time, and he is never afforded the same respect by wider cultivation society which an inner clan member would have.

I don’t believe the novel ever directly addresses Wei Wuxian’s acceptance into the guest lectures at Cloud Recesses in this light, but the donghua actually has a very interesting little exchange about it which takes place between Nie Huaisang and a relative of his:

“Wei-xiong is just a disciple from Yunmeng. Why could he come to Gusu to study?”

“Wei-xiong is the son of Jiang-zongzhu’s old friend. He has been treated as their own son.”

“Oh, I see. That explains why they don’t look like master and servant, they seem like brothers.”

(MDZS Donghua, Episode 3, Guodong Subs)

Wei Wuxian was only allowed to attend these lectures, which seem to mainly be for sect heirs and inner clan members, on the grace of being Jiang Fengmian’s ward (and probably to accompany Jiang Cheng). While this exchange is not from the book, we never do see or hear about any of the other students being outer disciples rather than members of the main clan. Here’s what the novel had to say about it:

In that year, aside from the YunmengJiang Sect, there were also the young masters from other clans, sent to study here from parents who heard of the reputation. The young masters were all around fifteen or sixteen. Because the sects all knew the others, although they weren’t close, they had seen others’ faces before. It was widely known that, although Wei WuXian’s surname was not Jiang, he was the leading disciple of the sect leader of the YunmengJiang Sect—Jiang FengMian, and also the son of his friend who had passed away. In fact, the sect leader regarded him as his own child. This, along with how youths were not as concerned with status and ancestry as elders, they were soon friends. Only a few sentences passed, and everyone started to call others older brothers or younger brothers.

(Chapter 13, Exiled Rebels translation)

And Wei Wuxian isn’t treated as an equal at school, either; when he and his friends get up to mischief, he’s frequently the only one punished. Nie Huaisang even notes that Lan Qiren seems to be far harder on him than the other students:

Nie HuaiSang spoke, “Why does it seem like old man Lan is especially strict towards you? He always directs his scoldings at you.”

(Chapter 14, Exiled Rebels translation)

And we see Wei Wuxian being the sole one punished out of a group taken for granted by his friends multiple times:

As a result of cheating notes flying everywhere in the air, Lan WangJi suddenly attacked during the test, and caught a few initiators of the commotion. Lan QiRen exploded with anger, writing letters to the prominent clans to tell on them. He loathed Wei WuXian—in the beginning, although these disciples could hardly sit still, at least nobody started anything, and their buttocks were able to stick to their legs. However, now that Wei Ying came, the originally spineless brats were influenced by his encouragement, venturing out at night and drinking alcohol however they pleased. The unhealthy practices grew greater and greater. As he had expected, Wei Ying was one of the biggest threats to humanity!

Jiang FengMian replied, “Ying has always been like this. Please take care to discipline him, Mr. Lan.”

And so, Wei WuXian was punished again.

(Chapter 14, Exiled Rebels translation)

The boys were all cheating, but Wei Wuxian is the one punished most severely. This happens when he's caught sneaking alcohol, too (though to be fair to Lan Wangji, he probably was only punishing him, and himself alongside him, for being outside after curfew when he threw them off the wall).

Of course, Jiang Cheng didn’t dare to say that Wei WuXian was at fault. Thinking back, it was them who urged Wei WuXian to buy liquor. Each and every one of them should have been punished. He could only speak in a vague way, “It’s fine, it’s fine; it’s not that serious! He can walk. Wei WuXian, why are you still up there?!”

(Chapter 18, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s not entirely unreasonable for the one who gets caught to take the punishment (what’s he going to do, rat his friends out?) but their ready acceptance of this does fit into a pattern.

Jiang Cheng’s top was tied at his waist. Hearing his mother’s chastise, he hastily put it over his head. Madam Yu scolded again, “And you boys! Can’t you see that A-Li’s here? Who taught you brats to dress like this in front of a girl!?”

Of course, it was needless to think who led the group. Thus, Madam Yu’s next sentence, as usual, was “Wei Ying! Do you want to die!?”

[...]

He could still feel some pain in his back, so he tossed the paddles to someone else, sat down, and felt the stinging piece of flesh, “How unfair. Nobody else was wearing anything, but why was I the only one who got scolded and beaten up?”

Jiang Cheng, “Because you hurt the eye the most with no clothes on, for sure.”

[...]

Everyone nodded. Wei WuXian, “Thanks for the praise, you guys. I’m even starting to feel some goose bumps.”

The shidi, “You’re welcome, Da-Shixiong. You protect us every single time. You deserve even more!”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

While we know that Yu Ziyuan is an abusive person in general, she abuses Wei Wuxian far more harshly than anyone else, even the outer disciples. It’s made clear to us in Lotus Seed Pods that she whips him regularly over minor infractions:

Madam Yu was even angrier, “How dare you run! Come back right now and kneel!” As she spoke, she let loose her whip with a flip of her wrist. Wei WuXian felt a searing pain slash across his back. He loudly exclaimed, “Ow!” And almost tripped on the ground.

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

And that his back is heavily scarred from it:

He felt his back, covered in scars both old and new, and still couldn’t hold back the question he’d be thinking about, “How awfully unfair. Why is it that I’m the only one who gets beaten up, whenever something happens?”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

Rumours about this even made it outside of Lotus Pier; during their visit to the ancestral hall years later, Lan Wangji even states that he heard about some of it:

Lan WangJi had on an expression of understanding, “Kneeling as punishment?”

Wei WuXian mused, “How did you know? That’s right. Madam Yu punished me almost every day.”

Lan WangJi nodded, “I have heard of a few things.”

Wei WuXian, “It’s so famous that even people outside Yunmeng, even you Gusu people know—how could it be ‘a few things’? But, to be honest, in all these years, I’ve never seen a second woman whose temper was as bad as Madam Yu’s. She told me to go to the ancestral hall and kneel no matter how small the matter was. Hahaha…”

(Chapter 87, Exiled Rebels translation)

Wei Wuxian’s lower social standing is definitely a part of why Yu Ziyuan is able to abuse him so terribly and receive little to no censure for it. Everyone at Lotus Pier simply takes it for granted, with the exception of Jiang Yanli who at least does try to deflect her mother when she is angry with Wei Wuxian:

Yet, all of a sudden, someone’s quiet voice drifted by Madam Yu’s ear, “Mom, do you want to eat some watermelon…”

[...]

Jiang YanLi almost cried from her mother’s pinching, mumbling, “Mom, A-Xian and the others were hiding here to relieve the heat and I came here on my own. Don’t blame them… Do… Do you want some watermelon… I don’t know who gave them to us, but it’s really sweet. Eating watermelon in the summer is great for cooling down and quenching thirst. I’ll cut them for you…”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

She both tries to deflect her mother from her anger, and also outright states that Wei Wuxian and the other boys weren’t at fault. Jiang Yanli seems to be the only one at Lotus Pier who ever does this.

After the war, Wei Wuxian attends social events at Jiang Cheng’s side but is never quite treated as an equal, either. See how at the Flower Banquet, Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue greet Jiang Cheng but not him:

Suddenly, a voice spoke, “Sect Leader Nie, Sect Leader Lan.”

Hearing the familiar voice, Wei WuXian’s heart jumped. Nie MingJue turned around again. Jiang Cheng came over, dressed in purple, hand on his sword.

And the person standing beside Jiang Cheng was none other than Wei WuXian himself.

He saw himself walk with hands behind his back, wearing all black. A flute in the shade of ink stuck to his waist, hanging down with crimson colored tassels. Standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Jiang Cheng, he nodded in this direction to show respect. Attitude slightly arrogant, he took on a profound, disdainful appearance. As Wei WuXian saw the stance of his younger self, the root of his teeth even cringed in soreness. He felt that he really was pretentious, and itched to just beat the hell out of himself.

Lan WangJi also saw Wei WuXian, who stood beside Jiang Cheng. The tip of his brows twitched ever so slightly. Soon afterward, his light-colored eyes returned to where they were, still looking forward in that composed way. Jiang Cheng and Nie MingJue nodded at each other with grave faces. Neither had anything unnecessary to say. After a hasty greeting, the two walked their separate ways. Wei WuXian saw his black-clothed self glance around as he finally saw Lan WangJi. He looked as if he was about to speak before Jiang Cheng came over and stood to his side.

(Chapter 49, Exiled Rebels translation)

They then proceed to talk about him and his lack of a sword behind his back, never having said a word to Wei Wuxian himself:

Nie MingJue’s gaze turned over again, “Why does Wei Ying not carry his sword?”

Carrying one’s sword was like wearing formal attire. In such gatherings, it was a non-negligible indication of etiquette. Those from prominent sects saw it as especially important. Lan WangJi responded in a lukewarm tone, “He had probably forgotten.”

Ning MingJue raised a brow, “He can even forget something like this?”

(Chapter 49, Exiled Rebels translation)

At Phoenix Mountain it also seems that Wei Wuxian is conditionally a member of the gentry, but not treated like an equal. Sometimes there are these more cheerful interactions:

Holding the flower, Lan WangJi seemed to be quite cold. His tone seemed cold as well, “Was it you?”

Wei WuXian immediately denied it, “No, it wasn’t.”

The maidens beside him spoke at once, “Don’t believe him. It was him!”

Wei WuXian, “How could you treat a good person like this? I’m getting angry!”

Giggling, the maidens pulled their reins and went to the formations of their own sects. Lan WangJi lowered the hand that he held the flower with and shook his head. Jiang Cheng spoke, “ZeWu-Jun, HanGuang-Jun, apologies. Don’t pay attention to him.”

Lan XiChen smiled, “That is fine. I will thank Young Master Wei’s kindness behind the flower in place of WangJi.”

(Chapter 69, Exiled Rebels translation)

But then he will be publicly disparaged and it is readily accepted by others. Jin Zixun first starts an argument with him by criticising Wei Wuxian for fighting Jin Zixuan, then turns the topic to Wei Wuxian’s having taken a third of the prey in the hunt.

Jin ZiXun, “Wei, just what what do you mean by going against ZiXuan so many times?”

[...]

Jin ZiXun sneered, “How is it presumptuous? How is any part of you not presumptuous? Today, in such an important hunt involving all of the sects, you really showed off your abilities, didn’t you? One third of the prey have been taken by you. You sure feel pleased, don’t you?”

[...]

He mocked, “But it’s only natural that you don’t think you’re in the wrong. It’s not the first time that Young Master Wei has disregarded the rules. You didn’t wear your sword in both last time’s flower banquet and this time’s hunt. It’s such a grand event, and you care nothing for courtesy. In what regard to you hold us, the people who are present with you?”

[...]

No disciple had ever dared say such lofty words in front of so many people. A moment later, as Jin ZiXun finally regained his composure, he yelled, “Wei WuXian! You’re only the son of a servant—how dare you be so bold!!!”

(Chapters 69-70, Exiled Rebels translation)

Naturally, Jin Zixun is able to weasel out of giving an apology, even though Jiang Yanli demands one. And guess who also takes a third of the prey, but this time without any censure?

Jin GuangYao, “In reality, not only did Young Master Wei keep a third of the prey to himself, our eldest brother has eliminated over half of the fays and the monsters as well.”

Hearing this, Lan XiChen laughed, “That is how Brother is like, after all.”

(Chapter 70, Exiled Rebels translation)

Never a Brother

As I’ve already mentioned, Wei Wuxian was never adopted by Jiang Fengmian, or adopted into the clan in general in even a distant way. And this nebulous ‘we’re letting you live with the main family as a charity, but you aren’t really one of us’ attitude also reflects in his relationship with Jiang Yanli.

I’ve already discussed how Wei Wuxian was more like a companion servant to Jiang Cheng than a brother. It’s also worth noting quickly that neither of them ever refers to the other as a brother. Wei Wuxian refers to Jiang Cheng as his shidi a few times, and Jiang Cheng never even refers to him as his shixiong (because Jiang Cheng views him as his servant, not as even a martial brother, I’d argue).

Only one member of the Jiang family ever does use familial terms to refer to Wei Wuxian: his shijie, Jiang Yanli. At Phoenix Mountain, when Wei Wuxian is being insulted by Jin Zixun, Jiang Yanli stands up and defends him, and states clearly that she considers Wei Wuxian a little brother:

The people who gathered around Jin ZiXun had on the same dark faces as he did. Yet, taking into consideration Jiang YanLi’s background, they didn’t dare talk back to her directly.

Jiang YanLi added, “Besides, hunting is hunting, so why bring the matter of discipline to the table? A-Xian is a disciple of the YunmengJiang Sect. He grew up with my brother and I, and so he’s as close as a brother is to me. Calling him the ‘son of a servant’—I’m sorry, but I won’t accept this. And thus…”

She straightened her back and raised her voice, “I hope that Young Master Jin ZiXun would apologize to Wei WuXian of the YunmengJiang Sect!”

(Chapter 70, Exiled Rebels translation)

It doesn’t come through in the Exiled Rebels translation, but she actually refers to Wei Wuxian as her didi in this scene, not her shidi. She’s trying to draw a line and state that Wei Wuxian is a part of the family. However, no one takes her seriously, and shortly afterwards we see Jin-furen insisting that Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian shouldn’t be walking alone together because it would be inappropriate.

Jiang YanLi whispered, “That’s not necessary. I’d like to have a few words with A-Xian. He can walk me back.”

Madam Jin raised her brows, looking Wei WuXian up and down. Her gaze was somewhat cautious, as if she was feeling displeased, “A young man and a young woman—you two can’t stick together all the time if nobody else is present.”

Jiang YanLi, “A-Xian is my younger brother.”

[...]

Wei WuXian lowered his head, “Excuse my absence, Madam Jin.”

He and Jiang YanLi bowed at the same time. As they turned around to leave, Madam Jin grabbed Jiang YanLi’s hand and refused to let her leave.

(Chapter 70, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jin Zixuan also never treats Wei Wuxian the way one might a brother who is still angered with him over his past dismissive treatment of his sister. For example, see their argument at the Flower Banquet:

Before he could see how Lan WangJi reacted, a series of clamor suddenly came from the other end of the base. Wei WuXian heard his own raging shout, “Jin ZiXuan! Don’t you forget about what things you said and what things you did? What do you mean by this, now?!”

Wei WuXian remembered. So it was this time!

On the other side, Jin ZiXuan also fumed, “I was asking Sect Leader Jiang, not you! The one I was asking about was also Maiden Jiang. How is that related to you?!”

[...]

Jin ZiXuan, “Sect Leader Jiang—this is our sect’s flower banquet, and this is your sect’s person! Are you going to look after him or not?!”

[...]

...Jiang Cheng’s voice came, “Wei WuXian, you can just shut your mouth. Young Master Jin, I’m sorry. My sister is doing quite well. Thank you for your concern. We can talk about this next time.”

Wei WuXian laughed coldly, “Next time? There is no next time! Whether or not she’s doing well isn’t any of his business, either! Who does he think he is?”

He turned around and started to leave. Jiang Cheng shouted, “Get back here! Where are you going?”

Wei WuXian waved his hands, “Anywhere is fine! Just don’t let me see that face of his. I never wanted to come, anyway. You can deal with whatever’s here yourself.”

Having been abandoned by Wei WuXian, Jiang Cheng’s face immediately clouded over.

[...]

Jiang Cheng stowed away the clouds on his face, “Don’t mind him. Look at how impolite he is. He’s used to such rude behavior at home.”

He then began to converse with Jin ZiXuan.

(Chapter 49, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng also quietly dismisses the notion of Wei Wuxian as a brother in relation to Jiang Yanli; when they visit to show him her wedding dress and she asks for a courtesy name, Jiang Cheng specifically says:

Jiang Cheng, “The courtesy name of my unborn nephew.”

(Chapter 75, Exiled Rebels translation)

Not our nephew, mine.

Even the disastrous invitation to Jin Ling’s one month celebration is framed as a favour to an old shidi, not a family member:

Jin ZiXun, “Since you’ve heard it from him already, you should know that I can’t wait. Don’t tell me that you’ll disregard your brother’s life for the sake of Sister-in-Law’s shidi?!”

Jin ZiXuan, “You clearly know that I’m not that kind of person! He might not necessarily be the one who cursed you with Hundred Holes either. Why are you so rash? I was the one who invited Wei WuXian to A-Ling’s full-month celebration anyways. If this is the way you do things, where does that leave me? Where does it leave my wife?”

Jin ZiXun raised his voice, “It’s best if he doesn’t attend! What does Wei WuXian think he is—does he deserve to attend our sect’s banquet? Whoever touches him gets nothing but a splash of black! ZiXuan, when you invited him, weren’t you worried that you, Sister-in-Law and A-Ling would receive an irremovable stain for the rest of your lives?!”

(Chapter 76, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s clear that not only does wider society not consider Wei Wuxian and the Jiangs siblings...they themselves don’t, either. Wei Wuxian, after all, readily accepts that his relationship with them is over after he leaves the sect:

Before they parted, Jiang Cheng spoke, “We won’t see you off. It wouldn’t be good if someone saw us.”

Wei WuXian nodded. He understood that it wasn’t easy for the Jiang siblings to have come out here. If someone else saw them, all those things they did for the public to believe would be wasted. He spoke, “We’ll go first.”

[...]

He turned around, knowing that it’d be a long time before he’d get to see the people he was familiar with again.

But… right now, wasn’t he on his way to seeing people he was familiar with as well?

(Chapter 75, Exiled Rebels translation)

Cast Aside

The way cultivation society treats Wei Wuxian when he is not with the Jiangs is also very revealing. Any level of respect he is given is contingent on his position in the Jiang household, and when they aren’t around that minimal respect fades away. Look at how disrespectfully he is treated when he approaches Jin Zixun to ask for Wen Ning’s location.

Wei WuXian didn’t make small talk either, getting straight to the point, “No thanks. I don’t.” He nodded slightly at Jin ZiXun, “Young Master Jin, could I please have a word with you?”

Jin ZiXun, “If you have anything to say, come after our banquet is over.”

In reality, he didn’t want to talk to Wei WuXian at all. Wei WuXian could see this as well, “How long do I have to wait?”

Jin ZiXun, “Probably around six to eight hours. Or maybe ten to twelve. Or until tomorrow.”

Wei WuXian, “I’m afraid I can’t wait for that long.”

Jin ZiXun’s voice was arrogant, “You’ll have to wait even if you can’t.”

Jin GuangYao, “Young Master Wei, what do you need ZiXun for? Is it a pressing matter?”

Wei WuXian, “Pressing indeed. It allows for no delay.”

[...]

Jin ZiXun, “Wei WuXian, what do you mean? You came for him? You aren’t standing up for a Wen-dog, are you?”

Wei WuXian wore a broad grin, “Since when is it your business whether I’d like to stand up for him or cut his head off? Just give him to me!”

At the last sentence, the grin on his face vanished. His tone turned cold as well. It was clear that he had lost his patience. Many of the people within Glamor Hal shivered in fear. Jin ZiXun felt his scalp tingle as well. Yet, his anger soon soared. He shouted, “Wei WuXian, you are too bold! Did the LanlingJin Sect invite you today? And you dare run wild here. Do you really think that you’re invincible, that nobody has the courage to confront you? Do you want to overturn the Heavens?”

Wei WuXian smiled, “You’re comparing yourself to the Heavens? Excuse my language, but your face is a little too thick, isn’t it?”

[...]

Just as he was about to rebut, sitting on the foremost seat, Jin GuangShan spoke up.

His voice seemed kind, “It’s not anything too important anyways. You youngsters, why lose your tempers over such a thing? However, Young Master Wei, let me be fair here. Barging in when the LanlingJin Sect is holding a private banquet is indeed inappropriate.”

To say that Jin GuangShan didn’t mind what happened at Phoenix Mountain would be impossible. This was also why he only smiled when Jin ZiXun bickered with Wei WuXian but didn’t stop them, and only spoke up when Jin ZiXun was at the disadvantage.

Wei WuXian nodded, “Sect Leader Jin, it was never my intention to disturb your private banquet. My apologies. However, the whereabouts of the people whom Young Master Jin took are still unclear. Just a moment of delay, and it might be too late. One of the group had once saved me before. I will definitely not sit back and watch. Please do not feel pressured. I will make amends for this at a later date.”

[...]

After a few laughs, he continued, “Sect Leader Jin, let me ask you something else. Do you think that, because the QishanWen Sect is gone, the LanlingJin Sect has all right to replace it?”

All was silent within Glamor Hall.

Wei WuXian added, “Everything has to be given to you? Everyone has to listen to you? Looking at how the LanlingJin Sect does things, I almost thought that it was the QishanWen Sect’s empire all over again.”

[...]

A guest cultivator on his right shouted, “Wei WuXian! Watch your words!”

Wei WuXian, “Did I say something wrong? Forcing living people to be bait and beating them up whenever they refused to obey—is this any different from what the QishanWen Sect does?”

Another guest cultivator stood up, “Of course it’s different. The Wen-dogs did all kinds of evil. To arrive at such an end is only karma for them. We only avenged a tooth for a tooth, letting them taste the fruit that they themselves had sown. What’s wrong with this?”

Wei WuXian, “Take revenge on the ones who bite you. Wen Ning’s branch doesn’t have much blood on their hands. Don’t tell me that you find them guilty by association?”

Another person spoke, “Young Master Wei, is it that they don’t have much blood on their hands just because you say so? These are only your one-sided words. Where’s the evidence?”

[...]

Jin GuangShan stood up as well, his face a mixture of shock, anger, fear, and hatred, “Wei WuXian! Just because… Sect Leader Jiang isn’t here doesn’t mean you can be so reckless!”

Wei WuXian’s voice was harsh, “Do you think that I wouldn’t be reckless if he were here? If I wanted to kill someone, who could stop me, and who would dare stop me?!”

[...]

“Young Master Wei really is too impulsive. How could he speak in such a way in front of so many sects?”

Lan WangJi spoke coldly, “Was he wrong?”

Jin GuangYao paused almost unnoticeably. He immediately laughed, “Haha. Yes, he’s right. But it’s because he’s right that he can’t say it in front of them, correct?”

Lan XiChen seemed as if he was deep in thought, “Young Master Wei’s heart really has changed.”

(Chapter 72, Exiled Rebels translation)

The only person at this banquet who speaks to Wei Wuxian respectfully is Jin Guangyao, a consummate manipulator who is also of a lower social status. Everyone else speaks to him dismissively, refusing to respect his request for Wen Ning’s location even though he states that Wen Ning helped him during the war. Wei Wuxian is extremely polite at the beginning of this conversation, and only slowly begins to lose his temper when Jin Zixun speaks rudely and Jin Guangshan decides to bring up the matter of the Yinhufu (Wei Wuxian is right in suspecting him of wanting to replace Qishan Wen, of course, and that it’s very bold of them to think they have the right to a spiritual tool of his just because...they’re rich?).

When the sects meet at Koi Tower to discuss the breakout at Qiongqi Path, no one considers Wei Wuxian as an independent agent who they might actually want to meet and negotiate with themselves. He is a wayward servant of Yunmeng Jiang who the sect leader has failed to keep in hand.

Jiang Cheng only spoke after a few moments, “What he did was indeed a bit too much. Sect Leader Jin, I apologize to you in place of him. If there’s any way at all to help the situation, please let me know. I’ll definitely compensate for things however I can.”

[...]

Jin GuangShan, “Sect Leader Jiang, Wei Ying is your right-hand man. You value him a lot. All of us know this. However, on the other hand, it’s hard to tell whether or not he actually respects you. In any case, I’ve been a sect leader for so many years and I’ve never seen the servant of any sect dare be so arrogant, so proud. Have you heard what they say outside? Things like how during the Sunshot Campaign the victories of the YunmengJiang Sect were all because of Wei WuXian alone—what nonsense!”

[...]

Lan WangJi sat with his back straight, speaking in a tone of absolute tranquility, “I did not hear Wei Ying say this. I did not hear him express the slightest disrespect towards Sect Leader Jiang either.”

[...]

The good thing was that, not long after he felt awkward, Jin GuangYao came to save the day, exclaiming, “Really? That day, Young Master Wei busted into Koi Tower with such force. He said too many things, one more shocking than the next. Perhaps he said a few things that were along those lines. I can’t remember them either.”

[...]

Jin GuangShan followed the transition, “That’s right. Anyhow, his attitude has always been arrogant.”

One of the sect leaders added, “To be honest, I’ve wanted to say this since a long time ago. Although Wei WuXian did a few things during the Sunshot Campaign, there are many guest cultivators who did more than him. I’ve never seen anyone as full of themselves as him. Excuse my bluntness, but he’s the son of a servant. How could the son of a servant be so arrogant?”

[...]

“In the beginning, Sect Leader Jin asked Wei Ying for the Tiger Seal with nothing but good intentions, worried that he wouldn’t be able to control it and lead to a disaster. He, however, used his own yardstick to measure another’s intents. Did he think that everyone is after his treasure? What a joke. In terms of treasures, is there any sect that doesn’t hold a few treasures?”

“I knew that something would eventually happen if he continued on the ghostly path—look! His killing intents are being revealed already. Killing indiscriminately those from our side just because of a few Wen-dogs…”

[...]

Jin GuangShan continued, “Sect Leader Jiang, you’re not like your father. It’s just been a couple of years since the reestablishment of the YunmengJiang Sect, precisely when you should be displaying your power. And he doesn’t even know to avoid suspicions. What would the Jiang Sect’s new disciples think if they saw him? Don’t tell me you’d let them see him as their role model and look down on you?”

He spoke one sentence after another, striking the iron while it was still hot. Jiang Cheng spoke slowly, “Sect Leader Jin, that’s enough. I’ll go to Burial Mound and deal with this.”

Jin GuangShan felt satisfied, speaking in a sincere tone, “That’s the spirit. Sect Leader Jiang, there are some things, some people that you shouldn’t put up with.”

(Chapter 73, Exiled Rebels translation)

This is very reminiscent of the way that Jin Zixuan would often turn around and say, ‘Why aren’t you controlling your servant?’ to Jiang Cheng whenever he had a dispute with Wei Wuxian over his treatment of Jiang Yanli.

When Jiang Cheng goes to the Burial Mounds and Wei Wuxian defects from Yunmeng Jiang in order to help the sect save face, Jiang Cheng treats this as a personal betrayal. He not only challenges Wei Wuxian to a duel but then announces that Wei Wuxian has betrayed Yunmeng Jiang and declared himself the enemy of cultivation society:

After the fight, Jiang Cheng told the outside that Wei WuXian defected from the sect and was an enemy to the entire cultivation world. The YunmengJiang Sect had already cast him out. From then on, no ties remained between them—a clear line was drawn. Henceforth, no matter what he did, they’d have nothing to do with the YunmengJiang Sect!

(Chapter 73, Exiled Rebels translation)

“Wei Wuxian has betrayed the sect, and publicly regards all cultivation sects as enemy! Yunmeng Jiang Sect hereby expels him, breaking all ties with him and drawing a clear line between us. Henceforth, no matter what this person does, it will have nothing to do with Yunmeng Jiang Sect!”

(Modao Zushi Radio Drama, Season 3 Episode 5, Suibian Subs)

Naturally, no one ever questions this or wants to hear Wei Wuxian’s side of the story. Jiang Cheng is a sect leader and Wei Wuxian his servant, and that is all cultivation society needs to know.

In Conclusion

Wei Wuxian was never really part of the Jiang family. The wider social view was that he was a servant who was lucky to be taken in by the family and allowed to live in the main house alongside the sect leader’s children. He’s accepted into cultivation society conditionally, but only as someone who remains a rank below everyone else.

This attitude isn’t just the wider social view which the family themselves disregard; they all play into it. Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Cheng both actively enforce it, Jiang Fengmian passively enforces it, and Jiang Yanli tries but fails to break through the social barriers between them.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #modao zushi

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writer-monster · 3 years ago

Text

11 reasons why cap 4 should reintroduce Bucky Barnes as the love interest, an essay

to start this off, i am not writing this essay from a shipping place nor do i believe that this would have any influence at all over the upcoming movie. i expect nothing. this is simply something that i would personally like to see. (of course no hate to anybody who thinks differently)

here are 11 reasons why i think making Bucky into Sam Wilson's love interest in Cap 4 would be a good move for Disney.

1. on the Chinese film market - and why it's an irrelevant argument against the inclusion of homosexual themes in Cap 4

the Chinese film market is something that has been blamed for a lack of diversity in Hollywood films a lot lately. many people claim that this market with a lot of buying power has been responsible for the lack of gay and black representation in particular within Hollywood films.

and we have certainly seen Hollywood treating it as such, going so far as to cut gay scenes from movies for their Chinese releases, and vastly minimising John Boyega's (a black actor's) presence in the Chinese poster of Star Wars The Force Awakens.

[image ID: on the left is an image of the American poster for Star Wars The Force Awakens, featuring John Boyega prominently on the right-hand side. And on the right is the Chinese poster for the same movie, in which John Boyega is barely visible.]

so we know at the very least that Disney believes this through their own actions and efforts to self-censor for the different markets.

but Captain America 4 is a black-led movie, don't you forget. and Disney can't minimise Sam Wilson/Anthony Mackie in the movie or the poster because it's his movie and his poster. and no amount of creativity in the editing room can change that (thank God!).

so if by their own argument the film is already going to be either banned, panned or slammed in China... then what do they have to fear from making it a gay movie too?

2. oh, the queerbaiting

queerbaiting is an unusual cultural idea. and sometimes i find myself thinking that the term is far too easily used, but then all of a sudden i will stumble upon a movie or show that is so quintessentially cruel and overt in it's... well... queerbaiting that i will start to wonder what the hell kind of a bizarre relationship all these straight people seem to have with their friends. take Troy and Abed from Community or John and Sherlock from Sherlock as the perfect examples of this. (in which my reaction to the show's creators saying the show wasn't gay was to ask so then why did you make it so gay?!)

i felt that Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes in tfatws were getting quite close to this level of queerbaiting.

there was the field scene, the couple's counselling scene, the boat scene, the couple's counselling scene, Bucky going with Sam to face Karli when she told Sam to come alone, the couple's counselling scene, ALL the staring scenes, Sam checking out Bucky's ass here as they said goodbye, the "i would move in with him but" hidden scene, "Uncle Bucky" showing up at the cookout scene, the romantic walking off together into the sunset together ending scene, and the couple's counselling scene. did i forget anything? but i mean seriously, the couple's counselling scene!!! that thing they did with their legs and their crotches while staring deep into each other's eyes, would any straight guy willingly do that? do straight guys crotch-snuggle now?

[image ID: an image of Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes during the therapy scene with the quote, "Isn't anybody going to drag me into impromptu couple's therapy and slot my legs firmly between theirs before staring deeply into my eyes?"]

(yeah i stole this image from a buzzfeed article on the fan reactions to the couple's therapy scene. but given that they stole 80% of the content of that article from fandom tumblr, i think it's pretty even-steven.)

there's also the fact that people started talking about bisexual Bucky Barnes a lot after the tiger pictures line, and the lead writer Malcom Spellman responded to the talk of Bucky's bisexuality with "just keep watching". well we watched, Malcolm. but it's beginning to feel like you were just jerking us around.

3. the writing

seriously though, what else is Bucky Barnes doing right now in the MCU? his only remaining connection to anything going on right now is through Sam. there is literally nothing else established that's left for him to do that doesn't involve Sam. he moved to Louisiana to be closer to Sam (canonically), he hangs out with Sam's family (canonically), and Steve is presumably gone and is definitely not coming back for more adventures.

he has no villains or loose ends left. he has no other superheroes that he appears to be in contact with. he has no girlfriend or potential love interest, or even other friends or family. he is living in a tent that he has secretly set up in Sam's backyard and is mysteriously appearing from the bushes when it's time for dinner like a stray cat.

in my opinion there is no other meaningful and pre-established progression for Bucky's character that wouldn't just feel cheap.

plus, i don't think the general audience would be all that surprised if they kissed. i think a LOT of people picked up on all that tension. i think a lot of straight people picked up on all that tension too.

4. the chemistry between the actors & the chemistry between the characters

the original pitch for tfatws was essentially just this, it was the chemistry between Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie and their respective MCU characters of Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson.

now obviously Anthony and Sebastian are simply friends, and i wouldn't mean to imply anything more. but they are also not their characters.

Sam and Bucky's scenes together before tfatws were both limited and short, and yet audiences still fell in love with the dynamic between the two characters.

in interviews, these two actors are constantly slipping into character and flirting with each other and frankly it's adorable. plus it's really entertaining. i'd love to see that dynamic, unfiltered, in a movie.

because believe it or not the flirting is actually even more open in their interviews than it was in tfatws. and i'm leaving some links as proof.

this here is known as the "married" compilation

and here's a "lucky dip" selection of interviews - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,

and here's Anthony trying to get Seb to take his jacket off.

i'm just saying, why not let their chemistry shine? these two are so talented and so entertaining, especially when you put them in a room together. and can you imagine how absolutely hilarious and brilliant it would be to watch them navigate being a couple?

(and for those who bring up the "friends would be uncomfortable pretending to be dating" argument, i'm not here asking for a sex scene or anything. i don't think anyone would expect them to show any more intimacy (physical or emotional) while playing a couple than what they've already shown together in say... tfatws or in their own interviews. not that i actually expect anything regardless.)

5. if they were a man and a woman they would've gotten together in tfatws

i have no more to add here. just that... yeah, they would've.

6. and i'm not talking about the comics here, i'm talking about the MCU.

i understand fully that none of what i'm saying here falls in line with these characters from the comics. but the mcu itself doesn't fall much in line with the comics either, and these two characters especially are very different from their comics counterparts.

i'm not asking for these two to get together in the comics. tbh i don't think that it would work.

but the mcu Sam and Bucky are different and closer than their comics counterparts. they've got different histories, different backstories, and a very different dynamic. please rest assured that i am only talking about them in the mcu.

7. Bucky Barnes is believably bisexual. and Sam Wilson has never been proven to be straight in the mcu, nor has he had a love interest.

(now please continue to keep in mind that these points only stand for the mcu versions of Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson, and not at all for their comics counterparts.)

Sam Wilson has never had a love interest, which is crazy because have you seen that man! he has had two blink and you'll miss it moments of verbal expression of attraction to women, both in TWS. and that's the extent of it, through his entire history in the mcu.

Bucky Barnes has had a number of surface-level female love interests, but none of them even came close to the level of connection and chemistry that Bucky shares with Sam.

and i'm sorry SarahBucky fans, but i just don't think there's very much to their relationship either. i love Sarah, i really do. but it's Sam who shares all the meaningful moments and history and chemistry with Bucky. and i don't see what making her into a love interest would do for Sarah's character either, what would that add to her story?

[Picture ID: Bucky at the cookout with Sam, Sarah, Cass and AJ. Bucky and Sam are looking at each other and smiling.]

and also there is the whole tiger pictures thing... again. which does strongly suggest that Bucky is bisexual whether this was intentional on behalf of the writers or not.

8. it's representation... AND it feels natural

marvel hasn't had a lot of queer representation that's been noticeably present in the MCU at the time of writing this.

there have been a lot of failures so far, from the bisexual erasure of Valkyrie in Thor Ragnarok to the wlw erasure in Black Panther.

there was queerbaiting almost identical to the bisexual Bucky baiting for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2. when asked if he had considered featuring a gay hero in gotg2, director James Gunn stated that "We might have already done that. I say, watch the movie." after the movie's release audiences were understandably confused about the lack of queer representation. To which the director followed up his comments with, "But we don't really know who's gay and who's not. It could be any of them."

there is also Loki, considered by most fans after the airing of his six episode series on Disney+ to be both a poor attempt at both genderfluid representation and bisexual representation. with both attempts being summed up fairly well by the term "blink-and-you'll-miss-it". (also it's just terribly written and Loki doesn't wear any interesting clothes! fanficcers are a Goddamn blessing in this hard time!)

and let us not forget that Andrew Garfield was apparently FIRED for pushing for a bisexual spiderman. a bisexual spiderman within an interracial mlm relationship no less.

so for all these failures, marvel, why not allow us queer fans this? two brilliant and heroic men in a loving interracial relationship. two heroes that we can look up to.

now, one of the biggest detractions from the argument for representation is the idea of "forced diversity". and some poorly written characters certainly do end up feeling forced into the narrative. take Iceman in the comics for example, with Jean Grey just straight up suddenly telling him he's gay. like, marvel, sweetie, that's not how this works! and i don't know a lot of queer people who thought much of that "representation".

but the crux of the "forced diversity" argument is almost always that it feels unnatural within the story, right? and i don't think that anyone could say that about MCU Sam and Bucky ending up together, given these characters' existing chemistry and their history. they've both played characters in gay relationships before so we know that it's not outside of either actor's wheelhouse. and y'all know that Anthony and Seb can act, people. if it's in the script i believe that they'll make it seem like the most natural thing on earth.

9. it'd be a nice change

there's been an ongoing meme lately about "Disney's first gay character", the joke being that they continually announce gay characters without really ever including gay characters in their films.

this is to the point where Disney has formed a reputation amongst queer audiences of being homophobic.

if Sam and Bucky were to become a couple, then Disney could have its first actual gay character within a gay relationship. AND have him be in the lead of his own movie, no less.

it's also worth keeping in mind that there's likely an overlap between the people who were outraged by a Sam Wilson Captain America, and the people who'd be outraged by a gay Captain America. and if they were already not seeing the film, then i don't think much is gonna change that.

queer audiences would definitely love it, and the media attention would be guaranteed to be huge. i mean, simply look at the amount of media attention mere rumours of a character's queerness gets you and multiply that by a canon confirmation of said rumours.

but i'm pretty sure that Disney already knows this.

10. and yet, in truth, it's not about the representation

in truth i've never felt that i had any trouble relating to characters of any sexual orientation, race, gender, sex, body type, etc. (although that is not to throw any shade at all on people who do wish to see themselves represented) but for me, i think it's more about the story than the packaging.

and yet, a love story is still just a story. straight or queer, monoethnic or interracial. when two characters have chemistry and history and have sacrificed for each other time and time again, and they also can't keep their hands or their eyes off each other, then i'm pretty sure that that's a love story.

straight or queer, monoethnic or interracial, it shouldn't be about these simple labels. it should be about how well written the relationship is. it should be about chemistry, and history, and sacrifice.

because i'm fucking sick of all the hollow, forced romances in media no matter the genders of the participants. i'm sick of lazily written, shallow relationships where any two people sharing the same space for any extended period of time will simply fall in love. it's boring, it's repetitive, and as a writer myself it drives me up the wall!

romance stories suck! and everyone knows that romance stories suck. between twilight, and most of the entire YA genre, and love triangles (so boring), and romance used as poorly-written throwaway subplots in Hollywood movies, the world is in agreement that the romance in western media is simply dreadful. and yet we still want love stories. it's an entire genre that sits at the heart of the human experience (<3), and yet one which so few of today's best known writers seem truly able to capture.

i don't think that i'm the only one who feels this way, either. i suspect it's actually a large part of why fandom is so romance-centred in the first place, that we're all just starving for a good love story.

(btw i think fandom has a reputation for being something that as a whole that it is not. it has this reputation for straight up demanding things and harassing people until they get their way. while unfortunately there are a few people who do this, they're fucking annoying and i swear that they're far from the majority.

in my experience fandom is mostly about writing a five thousand word story at three am while drunk off your ass because it might make someone whom you've never met smile, editing it in the cold light of day, and then posting it. expecting nothing. sometimes getting nothing. and sometimes getting someone send you kudos or a comment so heartbreakingly wonderful that it makes you smile in return.)

11. so once again, it is all about the writing.

i want to see Sam and Bucky get together in the mcu, not because they would be a gay couple but because i genuinely believe that their story has potential to be an amazing love story.

and i know the mcu isn't about the romance. it's why in my personal opinion we haven't gotten a lot of good canon romances besides Peter Quill and Gamora. and i don't think that the mcu should be all about the romance either. i fucking love the action and the fighting scenes. i love the comedy. Captain America: The Winter Soldier had no romance and it was a fucking treasure, it was an amazing spy-action-thriller and it made my little gay heart dance. Thor Ragnarok had no romance, and it was an utterly brilliant comedic spectacle action film. not every movie needs romance.

but mcu Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes were doing couple's therapy and fixing a boat and walking off into the sunset together in tfatws. they were inseparable on the battlefield. they've got a dynamic. it's beautiful, it's romantic, and it's gold.

a budding relationship between them in the next movie would be a good way to explore both characters more without the narrative feeling too stilted and separate. at the end of tfatws, both Sam and Bucky fans found that their respective fave felt somewhat underutilised and that their characters were underexplored.

now, that problem would be even more difficult to remedy in a movie, because the plotline of a movie needs to be really tight to work (giggity). and we know that the central conflict of the movie is gonna be action-based (which is good), but we still need each character's personal journey and growth to tie into the main conflict. (which is another issue that some fans found with tfatws, that these characters didn't really feel connected to the action-based plot on a more personal level.)

if Sam and Bucky are already in a relationship, however, this whole dynamic changes. first, their relationship has already been set up for nicely since TWS and through tfatws and they would officially be the best-fleshed-out couple in the mcu. but most importantly, a relationship gives them a perfect vehicle to explore both of their pasts comparatively and connect them personally to the action-based plot.

do you want to establish that Sam is a little too trusting and naïve? then establish this through his relationship with Bucky, and through showing his placing his trust in Bucky. (rather than through having him sympathise with a villain who threatened to murder his sister and his nephews).

perhaps you want to show Bucky recovering from his trauma? show us how comfortable he is with Sam. they get along, they're enjoying each other's presence, we see more of Sam's life and of his family, and then let Bucky tell Sam something that's raw and dark and honest about his life as The Winter Soldier. something about a memory, one that he only just recalled. he's opening up. and maybe what he tells Sam is even something that sets up the future action-based conflict, to ground that in something real.

you want to explore that Sam has trauma too? do this through Bucky. he tells Bucky a story about his time in the military. in the form of a flashback, he shares his own story of loss to evoke before the audience the shared theme of feeling at fault even when you're simply a helpless bystander to an act of pure destruction.

then, action sequence! and it's directly connected to Bucky's time as the Winter Soldier. explore the grief of someone whose life the Winter Soldier tore apart manifesting into a villain perpetuating the cycle of pain. establish your villain.

Later, Sam is dragged into battle against this villain for protecting Bucky. But Bucky doesn't want Sam to protect him. He feels guilt for what he can't control and he doesn't want Sam getting hurt because of him. Bucky reminds Sam that he has a family, one who needs him and who loves him. He tells him to go home.

Sam reminds Bucky that he's a part of that family. And that sure Sam's a hero and his job is to protect anyone and everyone, but that he's doing it because he wants to. It's not simply to prove that he can, or to prove that he's not a bystander (this connects to Sam's trauma here), but that he's doing it to help people.

and this gets Bucky thinking about who he is and what he's doing here. is he a hero who stands by Sam's side? or is he an ordinary man who stands aside? or perhaps, does he stand alone? what does he stand for? Maybe Sam knows. But does Bucky?

Sam and Bucky fight off the villain again, and for the first time Bucky meets this adversary face to face. And Bucky recognises this villain, and has a flashback to the genuine pain that he inflicted upon them in the form of the Winter Soldier. Bucky freezes mid-fight, he almost dies, and Sam has to save him.

Sam chews Bucky out for almost getting killed because he was afraid for him. but Bucky takes this the wrong way and goes off to fight the villain alone, or perhaps to die alone, he's not quite sure.

He puts up a half-hearted fight. He apologises for what the Winter Soldier has done, and he waits for the killing blow, when Sam swoops down and he saves him. He asks Sam why he saved him and Sam calls him a moron. And then, Sam asks him what sacrificing himself would solve. He tells him that you can't choose your past but you can choose your future (connecting to his own experience of loss and guilt and grief). And that no matter what Bucky Barnes still has a future, whether that's as the Winter Soldier or the White Wolf or just some dork with a day job. And that he has a future as a part of Sam's family too.

Sam fights the villain, and it's toe to toe. He delivers a few good blows, but receives a fair few himself. And then the villain tears off his wings, first one and then the other, in a manner reminiscent of what the Winter Soldier did to him in TWS. Through Bucky's eyes there's a flashback to highlight the parallels. Sam gets back on his feet and he fights his best fight, but is now losing.

And then the heavily injured Bucky steps up and fights by Sam's side, and only together do they take down the villain.

"So... I inspired you, huh?" Sam teases with a smile, utterly exhausted. "With my heroism and-"

"You inspired me." Bucky said, equally exhausted. "Let's leave it at that."

Together, Sam and Bucky go back to the safety and warmth of their family. Sam fixes his wings. Sam goes back to being Captain America. And Bucky... he's around, but it's unclear what he's doing.

That is, until the very end. When Sam is in a fight, and suddenly Bucky shows up and helps him out.

"What are you doing here?" Sam asks.

"I've made up my mind." Bucky says. "I'm the Winter Soldier. But now I'll save lives, Sam. Now, like you, I'll be a hero."

Sam smirks. "So does this make you my sidekick, then?"

Bucky smiles. "C'mon, at least make me a partner." He says.

"How about co-workers." Sam says (in flashback, he remembers back to the death of his last on-the-job partner).

"How about friends." Bucky says, with a wry look.

"Bucky... I don't want to see you put your dumbass self in danger." Sam says.

"Oh, and it's ok for you to go running off into danger on your own all the time?" Bucky asks.

"Yes." Sam says stubbornly. "Absolutely it is."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not a dumbass?!"

"Sam, if you think I'm not gonna be watching your back for the rest of time... then you're the biggest dumbass I know. And I don't care if you need me or not, I will be there for you."

"Because Sam, you're more than Captain America. You're more than a good soldier. You're a good man. And I think sometimes, the world forgets what the difference is."

...or something like that.

(i only spent like 15 minutes on that. you know if i were actually writing this movie i would come up with something much better. and if anyone from marvel is seeing this, yes i can come work for you. i will make the time, let's do this thing right!)

finale

at the end of the day, whether or not the mcu chooses to make Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes a couple, it's their decision. and they don't owe me anything.

i'm just some random person on the internet. who thinks that Captain America 4 should #givecaptainamericaaboyfriend

#givecaptainamericaaboyfriend #meta #analysis #captain america 4 #caatws #fatws #tfatws #captain america #cap 4 #sam wilson #bucky barnes #sambucky #marvel #mcu #mcu phase 4

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