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destinationtrekk · 3 months ago

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I want a long explanation of Albert's mental state after re5, you know....ummm, I mean, how much does his behavior and actions change? How will he feel about himself? Will he suffer from depression or such disorders? How will be his relationship with the reader?

I hope I didn't bother you ❤️❤️

awh, asks are never a bother!! wi will say I think @nshtn is much better at describing wesker's psyche than me, but my version of post re5!wesker (i call him uroboros!wesker) is different than theirs.

also holy shit this is 1200 words, i don't know what happened

i think immediately after re5, there's no change. physiclly, he's incredibly weak and in near-constant pain as uroboros heals him. you dote on him religiously, desperate to keep him alive as well, and this is what begins his mental shift. it does take a few months, but he slowly comes to realize how much he needs you past his surface level sexual desire and trust in you as a "lackey" basically

not that he never felt affection for you, but he certainly labelled it as something superficial - what one would feel for a pet, perhaps. now that he has nothing to do except sit around and feel sorry for himself and struggle with his feelings toward his own virus in his body, he feelings for you morph quite a bit.

but first, his self-perception. after spending his life comparing himself and those around him to Spencer, he had a serious ego problem and god-complex. he literally calls himself a god in re5, and gods don't lose the game - except he did. i think wesker sees the world as pretty black and white. you're either an asset or an enemy, worthy or a waste, and the only time in his life when this mindset fractured was in stars.

he saw many, many people as an officer who made genuine mistakes that put them in awful situations - criminals who were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and victims who just wanted a way out. he finally had a glimpse of humanity's reality, that regular people had to fight to survive like he did, except they get to be happy when they survive something. he never had that. it was survive or fail, and you don't get to be happy about it when your only other option is to die. i think marcus' death absolutely had to do something to his psyche as well, definitely as a motivator to 'stay on the path paved for you, and be obedient, or bad things will happen."

so in stars he feels conflicted emotions about the reality of his childhood, but they're temporary and quickly get repressed again as his life goes on. they resurface post-re5 because he sees how you interact with others, and he really has nothing else to do except to think about it.

this obsession with analyzing his own upbringing couples rather poorly with his feelings for you, now fully fledged as romantic and devoted. of course, he refuses to say anything. he now believes that he's worthless, a failure, and his life's work has been utterly destroyed. wesker is the kind of person who needs a goal and clear objectives, and without them he feels like he'll drown in his own thoughts. which is exactly what he's doing!

you notice his odd behavior immediately, from the way he refuses compliments that used to make him cocky, and how he rarely (if ever) asks you for anything. you were basically his assistant before, and now he apologizes for even having a harsh tone with you. he can't fathom how you care so deeply for a failure like him, and why you aren't using helping to save his life against him. because that's what people do, right? they take and give and everything has to be a favor that helps you climb to the top.

well, you never actually cared about him being on the top, so you take it upon yourself to confess first. surely he's always known how you felt about him, smirking at your blushing reactions and lusty stares, but he reacts bad when you finally tell him. he thinks this is how you're making him repay for saving his life, by humiliating and debasing him for his romantic attachment to you.

this is a shock to you, because you thought he was moping out of self-pity, not a midlife, self-exploratory bout of depression. it hurts both of your feelings - he thinks you've played him by being kind for something in return, and you're heartbroken that the man you love doesn't trust you anymore.

it takes a while for him to come around. you double down on your affection and explanations, trying to dismantle his fragile mindset piece by piece. he's resistant, somehow convincing himself that he's trapped in some sick mind game that you're manipulating, because he's too thick to just give in. he doesn't know how to accept love or, frankly, get the fuck over himself. yes, he failed. yes, his life's work is kind of ruined. but he has a new lease on life, if he would just accept it.

what finally pulls him out of this spiral is a kiss. you've been pleading with him for days, trying to get him to just talk to you and work this out, because you can't keep living in this emotional hell. he's snippy and rude and exhausted, because he feels the same. he can't bear to be around you anymore, so he tells you to leave him the hell alone. you're in his new office, having switched safe houses a few times until you could finally settle, and this most recent, permanent move is why you've been so upset.

why does he think you're sticking around? he still has access to nearly all of his resources, if he really wanted you gone he could leave without telling you. he's well healed now, except for a few things he'll likely deal with forever, but he's keeping you around. he knows he can't let go of you, but he's still so resistant to everything you're offering.

he's standing hunched over his desk, hands white-knuckling the dark mahogany, broad shoulders and back facing you so he can hide him expression from you. his voice is strained, like he's barely holding himself together while you're openly crying. this is unbearable, but you comply with his wishes.

your last move is to walk closer, your hand lightly settling on his elbow while you press your forehead to his bicep, seeking any tiny sliver of comfort you can find in him. you leave a gentle kiss on his arm, as well as a wet patch of your tears, before you walk away, silent except the heartbreaking sound of your sniffling.

this shatters him. he spends the rest of the day destroying himself, but he vows it's the last time he'll wallow in misery. it takes time, but he slowly begins to open up to you, admitting to his poor mental health and struggles with finding purpose. how he can't fathom your love for him, but he can't fight his own attachment to you either. he cries when you kiss his lips for the first time, but he fails to hide his smile when you pull away.

later in life, years after the devastation that was Kijuju, he's a different man. he's still a little flighty and calculating, but he's fast to comfort and reassure you, expressing himself freely and communicating instead of lashing out or pushing you away. you both still work on...well, everything. your lives have been tragic and painful, especially his own, but he's never felt so secure as he does with you. he truly loves you, and he'll do anything he can to keep himself from ever hurting you again.

#resident evil #albert wesker #trekk answers #albert wesker x reader #albert wesker x you #albert wesker headcanons #headcanons #resident evil x reader #trekk writes #uroboros!wesker #stars wesker #re5 wesker #re1 #re1r #re1 wesker #re5

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littlestpersimmon · 10 months ago

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Really battling with my mental health atm. Usually I can draw 5 drawings a day. And now I am down to 2. I apologize. I am struggling with my termite problem, my number one fear, as in in personal terms, is being homeless. I found new holes in my room caused by termites and feeling anxious. I keep getting angry and upset over small things. Other than that. I feel like I am sincerely losing my mind over like. How the world is falling apart. To me the world has stopped spinning since October. I csn find no joy in anything. I feel helpless and feel extremely depressed, to the point I wake up feeling devastated every day, like I feel genuinely like a trapped animal and I don't know what to do, who to talk to about it. Idk. It feels so wrong to even be saying these things to the void rn. Sorry

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starboybutler · 9 months ago

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Chasing Cars

ao3 link

summary: bucky can't find a reason to get out of bed anymore. gale comes to him one night, and he's reminded of why he's fighting.

word count: 6451

warnings: bucky's crumbling mental health, gale's crumbling mental health, curt's death, slight eating disorders, depressive episodes, smut towards the end

notes: wow this was supposed to be pure smut but i accidentally plotted on my porn because i felt like being sad. oh well have this kinda character study thing i wrote purely on a whim

bucky hadn't left the bed.

he couldn't find a reason to. the rest of the men were outside, gathering wood. training, doing god knows what else to prepare for a plan that would never play out. after some brits had made their escape attempt, the amount of german pricks on duty almost doubled. that, and morale had pretty much gone down after they had said the captured escapees were executed. no one even wanted to make an attempt anymore.

they could talk about escape all they wanted to– it would never happen. they would try, fail, get shot, and get buried somewhere on enemy territory. hell, odds were good that if they waited it out the same thing would happen. so why bother?

he had been staring at the wooden slats of the bunk above him for about an hour, now. this felt familiar, at least. as he lay here, he could pretend he was back in base between missions, talking to curt about whatever was going on in their muddled brains.

“it was a close one today. don't want anymore missions like that for a while.”

“that's just how it is, bucky. they’ll only get tougher, y’know. but i think we got it.”

“yeah?”

“yeah. i’ll be tellin’ my grandkids about this one day, y’know. don't seem like it now, but i promise it’ll be a distant memory soon.”

always so optimistic. that was one of the last late-night conversations he had ever had with curt before he went down. he never even got to say goodbye to him. he’ll never forget the pure dread he felt when he asked buck about him, and he didn't have an answer.

sure, bucky could have believed he was alive with every fiber of his being, but that didn't change the fact that curt was dead, crashed somewhere over unknown territory, most likely to never be found.

so much pain, so much death. and for what, he would wonder. what was he really fighting for anymore?

“hey,”

a soft, low voice, like honey. all too familiar.

he looked up, faced with gale, who was just about the only friend he had left at this point. even then, he felt as if buck was slipping from his grasp at times. tensions were high, and he had yelled at him more than he would like to admit.

just yesterday, they got into it outside. john was at fault, he absolutely deserved the punch to the face gale gave him, but neither of them had spoken to one another afterwards. john was never good witth apologies.

“hey,” he said back, the bruise on his cheek left by the blonde throbbing dully as he made eye contact with him for the first time since their scuffle.

“you just gonna lay here all day?” gale asked, his tone not angry or accusatory– just soft and genuinely curious, laced with just a tinge of worry.

“that's the plan,” he replied, shrugging. “nothin’ else to do. unless you wanna punch me again.”

gale stiffened a bit, his lips twitching as if he were trying to find the right thing to say, before he just sighed heavily.

“i’m worried about you.”

bucky shut his eyes, a sigh of his own escaping his chest.

“i know.”

it fell quiet between them. john had closed his eyes so that he couldn't see gale’s sad baby blue’s boring into him, urging him to roll over and show him his most vulnerable parts like a dog begging for attention. for pity.

he knew gale was worried. he knew it before their fight, and he knew it now. gale wasn't an idiot. far from it, actually. he was intelligent and observant, which was why he was such a damn good pilot. he saw john’s pain before john felt it. he saw it in how john would lash out at anyone that looked at him wrong, and how he would toss and turn in his sleep at night.

“you haven't eaten in a few days.”

“i know,” bucky said again. he couldn't bear to imagine gale’s expression. “i’m tired of the same shit. if i see another potato i’ll puke.”

“bucky.” gale hissed, voice urgent. “i’m being serious.”

“so am i.”

he hadn't eaten in about three days. ever since his last serving of the same bland bullshit, he decided he would rather starve than touch it again. so what, if he lost a little weight? that seemed to be the least of his problems right now.

he didn't care anymore. he just didn't care if he withered away inside this stalag surrounded by his men. that seemed to be the most honorable thing to do at this point- because at least then he'd be around people that knew him, and celebrated him. he'd rather die here and now, miserable, than drag it out and die alone in enemy territory with no one around.

“okay, bucky.” gale mumbled, clearly on edge already and not in the mood to argue. “just…i’ll be outside with everyone else. you should eat some dinner tonight.”

the blonde stalked off, expression and gaze steely and distant as bucky rolled back onto his side, facing the wall and sighing tiredly.

night rolled around and he didn't drag himself out of bed for dinner. he couldn't. the urge to eat, to get up and walk and be active wasn't there. his will to survive had vanished.

gale wasn't the only one worried about him. he heard everyone muttering to one another behind his back as they ate the slop that was served to them half-heartedly.

‘he doesn't look good at all.’

‘i know. when’s the last time he left his bunk?’

‘hush and eat. he can probably hear you.’

bucky didn't care what they were saying. whatever it was, it was probably true. maybe word around the stalag was that major john egan was a spineless, worthless, gutless piece of shit that gave up on everyone around him when they needed him most. harsh, yes, but not necessarily wrong. john was acutely aware of how him laying in this bed, rotting for days on end was selfish to his men. he knew that they were looking to him for guidance, and all he was giving them was a depressing display of self pity.

his mind drifted back to curt. he would always tell bucky that he was one of the strongest and most resilient people he had ever met, and how he would give anything to be as half as stubborn as him.

bucky always shot back that stubborn didn't necessarily mean good, but curt refused to see him in a bad light under any circumstances.

“i got you a bowl.”

gale’s voice. he glanced over his shoulder, gazing at the metal dish that gale was holding in his direction. same meal they'd been served for the last few months. the rumbling in his stomach wasn't even a bother to him anymore.

“thanks buck,” he hummed, turning to face the wall once more. “but i’m not hungry.”

silence fell over the room, tense at bucky’s blatant refusal of the food gale offered. he heard a short sigh from his friend, as well as a scuffing of his shoe against the floor as he turned on his heel and walked away.

he felt his stomach sink with guilt, but he really wasn't hungry. what was the point of eating, prolonging his survival when he would most likely die in the very bunk he was laying in? the thought made his appetite disappear.

he pulled the thin, scratchy blankets they were given over himself, clutching it in his hands tightly as if it were the only thing keeping him tethered to this reality.

honestly, it might have been.

𓆩✧𓆪

days and days passed him by. he wasn't able to shake the dread that had begun eating at him days ago. in fact, it seemed to have consumed him whole by this point. he only left the bed when he was instructed to by those goddamn guards, or when he had to use the bathroom. he didn't get up for food, water, to exercise, to speak to friends, nothing. he was not interested but a shell of the outgoing, confident man he used to be.

gale had kept trying to get him to leave his bunk, or to at least put some food in his system. he would bring a plate of food for him every night, and bucky would refuse it all the same. he would tell him that the others were asking for him, but bucky just brushed it off. if they were really worried, they knew where to find him.

only a few other men besides gale came to check on him during the day, hambone being one of them. he started talking about how different things were without him around. it was quiet, and no one really liked it all that much. they missed his snarky comments about the german guards and how he would shit talk them all day. that got a little smile lut of him, he had to admit that. what got him feeling serious again was when hambone started talking about how gale was taking his absence.

“he’s been quiet. way quieter than normal.” he said, voice dropping low. “only says one or two words to everyone before…he just shuts down. goes into autopilot. it's not really like him.”

and he was right. after he had said that he kept think about gale, how he was probably out there with god knows how much on his mind, and for bucky to only be adding to that…

what was he doing?

was he really causing buck that much distress? the thought made his stomach sink with guilt. gale already had so much on his mind, and for bucky to act like a petulant child and add onto all of that stress and anxiety and pain he’s been bearing for the entirety of the men trapped here was so unbelievably shitty.

what kind of friend– what kind of man did something like this to his other half– his rock, his one source of sanity in this camp, in this war?

he curled in on himself further, self loathing and dread curling their ugly black tendrils around him, engulfing him in a pitch black abyss.

he felt so, so sick all of a sudden.

𓆩✧𓆪

“word is there's gonna be another march in a few days,” hambone dutifully informed him, leaning against the creaky wooden wall and staring out the window, into the yard.

bucky was actually sitting up in his bunk today, idly fidgeting with the little radio gale had crafted a few days earlier in his hands. he hadn't actually spoken to buck, finding himself unable to think of anything of value to utter to him.

“again?”

“mhm,” he mumbled, fiddling with the dirty sleeve of his sheepskin. “apparently allies are real close. gale caught word of that last night on that radio. not sure when the germans caught wind. might happen tonight.”

bucky grimaced, setting the tiny radio on the cluttered table, sighing and squeezing his eyes shut at the prospect of walking for days on end just to get to another shitty camp, and rot there for god knows how long. he hasn't eaten in a good week, and he knows his odds of surviving the march on an empty stomach are little to none.

“thanks for tellin’ me,” buck said softly, standing from his bunk and making his way towards the door, keeping his eyes glued to the floor as he stepped outside for the first time in weeks. immediately, he felt eyes on him from all angles.

‘major egan?’

‘he’s okay!’

‘christ, i thought he died…’

he smiled humorlessly, making his way over to the water pump and grabbing one of the metal jugs, placing it under the tap and filling it up with slightly murky water and sighing to himself. he hadn't seen gale yet. a small part of him was hoping that buck would be the first person waiting for him, but he also wasn't in a good headspace to talk to him right now. he didn't know what to say to him, after knowing all the torment he had put him through with his little episode.

he turned the tap off, exhaling deeply and picking up the jug– flushing when he struggled a bit due to the weakness that came with staying in bed and not eating in about a week. he lifted it on the second attempt, huffing and hauling the jug back to his bunk.

out of the corner of his eye, he saw gale, encouraging some men to push a little harder to break the ground using that damned contraption- whatever it was called. he tensed at the sight of him, speeding up his steps until he was safe back in his bunk.

he set the jug down heavily, not even thirsty anymore. that night march could kill him, for all he cared. maybe then gale’s problem’s would be solved.

he laid in his bunk miserably, jug discarded as he thought of gale. he deserved the world, he deserved to be happy, to live a life without having to worry about him being a sad sack of shit, wallowing in his self pity. he did his best to try and keep his spirits up, but he couldn't help it. he didn't have anything to look forward to anymore. life just seemed like a whirlwind of misery and he didn't know how much more he could take. so many friends lost, so many people dead.

maybe when he died, gale would finally move on, lose that stress that came with knowing him. he could only hope.

𓆩✧𓆪

john had lost track of time long ago. he only knew day and night, and occasionally he was told what month it was.

he knew it was late, evidenced by the snores of all the men around him, and how the room was pitch black. the moonlight didn't reach his bunk, leaving him alone in the darkness to stare up at the wooden slats of the bunk above him.

he heard shuffling from somewhere in the room, then the creaking of floorboards as someone moved towards his bed.

“bucky?”

gale’s voice rang in his ears, making him go completely still as if he were a scared cat. maybe he was dreaming, and the gale beside him was nothing more than a figment of his imagination, spurred on by hunger. but when gale didn't leave, he turned to look at the blonde with tired eyes.

“yeah?”

“can’t sleep,” he said softly, and the bags under his eyes seemed to prove it. “mind if i bunk with you tonight?”

bucky wanted to say so many things. ‘of course you can.’ ‘no, i don't want you to get too attached to me if i’m bound to die soon.’ ‘i love you.’ but all that came from him was a little “uh huh,” as he scoot over to make room for the blonde.

he felt his mattress dip, and a familiar warmth crowding at his side. he almost jumped up at the almost desperateness of it all, half expecting gale to just lay by him and turn the other way. the blonde wrapped his arms around his waist, a surprising amount of muscle on them from the training they had been doing in preparation for an escape, and buried his face into the nape of his neck.

it was dangerous to be doing this here, with everyone in the room. anyone could wake up and they'd probably kill them on the spot before the nazis could. no one would accept it– two respected majors, cuddled up together like shy newlyweds in the middle of a shitty stalag, when they should be leading their men, training them, helping out in some way. but, as gale tightened his arms around john, holding onto him as if he'd disappear if he let go, he found that he could care less about what everyone would think of them.

“buck,” he started, voice soft, as soft as it's been in a long while. “what–”

“i’m scared, john,” he whispered, trembling ever so slightly as he pressed closer, like he was trying to become one with the other man. “i’m trying so hard to keep up appearances, to lead and be strong, but i’m scared.” he admitted, fingers digging into john’s side.

john was shocked into silence for a minute. gale was always so well put together. he never cracked under pressure, he just didn't. up in the air, when his engines were out and his crew was panicking, he would land that b-17 like it was nothing. ‘no engine cleven’, they called him, and he just smiled in that shy little way of his, heading to the barracks to sleep off the shock and do it all over again.

he'd seen gale shaken up a few times. when they landed in africa, he was quiet. quieter than usual, anyway. he was staring off into the distance, eyebrows drawn together slightly as he worried that damned toothpick in his mouth until it snapped in two.

but for gale to admit that he was scared was…unheard of. he wasn't the type to show or admit his emotions too openly, none of them were. but being here and eating the same bland shit, not knowing if you're ever gonna get to go home, and watching the last of your friends die during nighttime marches to a new camp did something to you. it broke whatever spirit you thought you had left.

“gale, hey-” he whispered, turning on his side and gently cupping the blonde’s face, watching as tears welled up in his eyes and spilled down his flushed cheeks. “hey, look at me. none of that,”

he used his thumb to wipe away his tears, tilting his chin up so that the blonde’s glassy eyes met his. he hated seeing gale cry. he hated knowing that all this time, he's been in pain, the weight of all of these men in camp on his shoulders, counting on him, and all john has been doing is making it worse.

“i’m sorry,” gale sniffs, hiccuping softly, breath picking up as john pulls him close, allowing the blonde to hide in his chest and inhale his scent. “fuck, i’m sorry. i just don't know how much longer i– if i can do this anymore.”

those words put fear into john’s heart. if gale, the brains, the brawn, the heart and soul of the very operation to get them out of here was losing hope– what did that mean for them? were they truly doomed to die in enemy hands, holding onto the hope that allies would somehow manage to sneak close enough to the shitty camps they were held hostage in and launch an attack on the germans?

he knew most of their thinking was extremely wishful, but it was something. a little glimmer of hope in a dark, gray times. for buck, gale was that glimmer of hope– that thing he held onto when all else seemed to fail him. even when he felt he’d die here, at least it would be with buck.

he couldn't let gale give up like this. not for his sake– hell, not for everyone’s sake. if gale gave up, he gave up. and if he gave up, everyone else would give up. a hell of a burden to carry on top of everything.

“gale,” he said softly, taking both of his slender hands into his large ones, caressing the backs of his knuckles with his calloused thumb. “gale, you've gotta keep going. without you, this whole thing would fall apart.” he said, nuzzling closer to him.

“i can't save everyone, bucky.” he hiccuped, trembling in little fits and starts, shattering john’s heart as he watched. “i can't even save the person that matters most to me. if i can't do that then–”

“you don't need to save me.” john said harshly, much more harshly than he intended to. he saw gale wince, and he immediately regretted being so harsh. “i mean– you don’t– i’m just like this. nothing you can do about it, buck. it’s not your job to fix me, okay?”

“i want to. i want you to be okay, bucky. i want–”

he sniffled, nuzzling his hot, tear-stained cheeks into bucky’s large hands. “i want you to be okay. i want you to be there with me, no matter what. i just– we've lost so many men, john. so many. but i still have you. i can save you, i can help you. i just….i need to make you feel better than this. i need you to know how much you mean to me.”

bucky was stunned into silence. he spent all this time thinking gale loathed him for his behavior, wishing he was dead and gone so that he had one less thing to worry about– but gale just spilled his guts to him about how john was the most precious thing in his life right now. not marge– him. him. it made his heart swell with something ugly.

“i’ll always be with you, buck.” john said softly, stroking his blonde locks, once soft but now slightly gritty with dirt and grime from their time in the stalag. even with limited supplies to take care of his hygiene, gale managed to outshine every single one of them in terms of beauty. “what’d i say? if i’m gonna bet on anything, i’m gonna bet on us. y’hear me?”

a shaky little exhale left gale’s mouth, pressing his face into john’s chest like a boy seeking comfort from his mom after a scary dream. john didn't say anything else, just held gale close as he sniffled and sobbed into his chest until he cried himself to sleep, soft snores leaving his pretty pink lips in soft little puffs.

he felt a surge of overprotectiveness wash over him as he watched the blonde sleep, curled into his body and clutching one of john’s hands close to his chest. he didn't need to feel sorry for himself anymore. he needed to be there for gale, so that he stopped carrying these burdens on his shoulders. they were a team, always have been. always will be. nothing in this godforsaken place could change that.

𓆩✧𓆪

john got up the next morning, careful not to disturb gale, who was still sound asleep next to him. he was on his side, almost completely curled up on himself with his thumb pressed against his lips, biting at it idly.

john smiled softly, eyes filled with a fondness for the blonde as he shuffled into his shoes, heading out into the daylight to grab some rations for the both of them.

last night was extremely sobering for him. he had spent so much time wallowing in his self hatred that he hadn't realized that his neglectful actions towards himself had been affecting gale in a negative way. when his friend came to him, crying and sobbing, worried for his wellbeing, insisting that he was the only thing that was worth fighting for anymore, he knew he had to get it together.

he went to the service counter and asked for two servings of food, saying that his friend was still asleep and that he would wake him up when he got back. who would lie for extra slop anyways?

he was given two plates, and he hurried back to his bunk, where a few of the other men began to stir awake, including gale.

“mornin, boys,” he said, setting down his two plates on the lightly cluttered table. “food’s gettin’ served up. go grab some.”

they all let out a noncommittal groan as he sat down at his bunk, digging into his mean of bland potatoes. it didn't taste any better than the last time he ate it, but he’ll be damned if he wasn't hungry.

gale sat up beside him, blinking the sleep from his eyes, which were slightly puffy from crying. his baby blue’s landed on john and widened as he saw him scarfing down the bland mush.

john smiled at him. “mornin’,”

“you're eating.” he said, voice quivering slightly.

he shrugged slightly, stirring the mush around absentmindedly. “got hungry. craved potatoes. you’ll never guess what the canteen was servin’.”

gale was on him in a matter of seconds, hugging him tightly and pressing his face into his shoulder. he was trembling, a shaky exhale leaving him as john set his plate down, returning the hug and smiling against his shoulder.

“thank you.” he whispered, voice so heart-wrenchingly vulnerable.

“don't count on it.”

𓆩✧𓆪

gale bunked with him for the next few nights, out of pure need for comfort and reassurance. he was obviously happy that bucky was eating again, but he was still stressed with all of the ongoings in the camp.

bucky had stepped in and gave a hand in training, instructing the men in what to do and how to do it, but there were just so many of them. on top of that, those german bastards were always waving their guns around, yelling at them whenever they felt like it. john had almost gotten into it with a few of them, but gale har talked him down.

what would he do without him?

“you need to be more careful when you talk to the guards.” gale said, idly smoothing down the fabric of john’s thin sleep shirt, which made john’s chest fill with warmth.

“to hell with those guards.” he muttered angrily, looking into gale’s eyes with a steely determination. “i just got my spirit back. i ain’t gonna let these nazi bastards destroy it again.”

“they'll shoot you, bucky.” gale said softly, looking up at him with a hard gaze. “zero hesitation. they've done it to other men before, and they’ll do it to you.”

“and then they’ll have a hell of a riot on their hands.” he laughs softly, which made gale sigh and press his forehead to his chest.

“why can't you just be good?”

the words caught john off guard, making his cheeks flush and his heartbeat kick up a notch. he felt his heartbeat pick up whenever gale was close to him like this, but it was a pace he had gotten used to, honestly. but hearing gale tell him to be good in a soft voice– as if he were speaking to a dog made his heartbeat kick up in another way entirely.

“uhm,” he started, face flushed a soft pink, hands finding gale’s waist and fidgeting with the hem of the blonde’s shirt. “i can– i can be good, i jus’...”

he was stumbling over his words painfully obviously. he was hoping that gale couldn't see the flush on his face in the darkness of the room, but knowing his luck he probably could.

“what's wrong?” gale asked softly, eyes lidded as his hands halted on john’s broad chest, thumb idly brushing across the fabric of his shirt in soothing little circles. “your heart is beating really hard.”

“nothin’.” he said, way too quickly for it to be true. “just. hot. i ‘unno.”

silence fell, save for the sounds of breathing from the men around them, and their own soft breathing. john really took in gale in this moment, how soft and vulnerable he looked.

his sleep shirt was loose on him, thanks to him losing weight in the camp over the months they’ve been here. his eyes were soft with sleep, lips pink and plump and parted with each little breath he took. god, he was gorgeous. he wanted nothing more than to take him on the bed right now, make him cry out his name so that everyone in the room knew who he belonged to.

he’d had these thoughts of gale since they met in basic training, but they had only gotten worse the longer they stayed in camp. back on base, he was able to keep his mind off of gale, or at least quell his desire by picking up some desperate broad in a bar and sleeping with her. but now, he looked at gale and could hardly keep his mind out of the gutter. he hated it.

“hot, huh?” gale chuckled softly, hands running up john’s chest and resting on his shoulders. “you're a bad liar when it comes to me, y’know that?”

john flushed darker, hands tightening on gale’s waist and pulling him closer, careful to keep their lower halves apart so that the blonde didn’t feel his erection through his shorts. “i’m not lying.”

“mhm?” the blonde chuckles, leaning closer to him, invading his space so that their noses touched, breath mingling together as they stared at one another tenderly, something more carnal and desirous underneath. “why're you hard then?”

bucky choked on a gasp, his face completely red to the point where he was sure gale could see it, even in the dark. their lower halves weren't touching, and yet, gale had known. read him like a book.

“how’d you–?”

“you have a thing you do,” he says, thumb rubbing at his collarbone gently. “you stumble over your words. start touchin’ things with your hands. fidgeting. sometimes it's more noticeable. its a lot less noticeable when you hit on girls at a bar, but i picked up on it.”

john huffed, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth and averting his eyes. he wasn't expecting gale to call him out so straightforwardly. it made him embarrassed. he also didn't expect gale to trail a hand down to the hem of his shorts, dipping his cool fingers inside and making john gasp sharply.

“want me to take care of it?”

“gale,” john hissed, eyes wide as the blonde’s nimble fingers trailed lower and lower, scratching at the wiry hair just above his hard cock. “our men are all around us. they might hear us.”

“then you'll have to be quiet, won’t you?”

a strangled noise left john’s throat as gale wrapped his thin fingers around his hot, hard length, giving a tentative squeeze. a shuddery breath left deep from bucky’s chest, his hands squeezing gale’s waist so hard he was bound to leave bruises.

“that good?” gale whispered, shuffling his boxers down and letting john’s cock free completely, swiping his thumb across the head and gathering the precum there so the friction of his hand was less harsh. bucky didn't have it in him to answer coherently, so he just nodded and bucked his hips upwards into gale’s touch.

it was intoxicating, the way his fingers occasionally caught under the sensitive head of his cock and made his cock jerk and leak even more, all over gale’s pretty hand.

“see? look at you.” the blonde cooed, eyes lidded and practically glowing as he gave a twist of his wrist on the upstroke, relishing in the little groans and gasps bucky let out. “you can be good for me, why can't you be good out there? i know you're a good boy, bucky. such a good dog.”

“jesus christ,” bucky swore, stomach tensing up and cock leaking into gale’s palm thickly, precum making the glide of his palm slicker. “i’m gunna cum- oh, god, buck–”

“shh,”

the blonde scolded him lightly, free hand moving to cover his mouth firmly as he jerked him off faster, the wet, slick noises coming from between them downright obscene. he felt like a girl getting laid in her bedroom, her parents right next door as her boyfriend fingered her so good she couldn't help but whine and whimper.

he didn't have time to warn gale as he shot off, thick ropes of his spend painting buck’s chest and stomach a pretty pearlescent white. when he pulled his shirt up, he didn't know.

he came down from his high, and found gale’s lips on his. he kissed back, gentle and hungry at the same time, like he wanted to devour gale whole. he pulled him close, choking out a gasp into the kiss as he felt gale’s erection press into his hip.

“buck,” he panted, letting the blonde thrust against him minutely, the little pleased noises he let out going straight to john’s spent cock, bringing it back to life. “lemme– lemme make you feel good.”

gale exhaled sharply, rolling his hips against him more desperately, now. “please.”

john flipped them over so fast that it gave them both whiplash for a moment. it was short lived, though as he was faced with the sight of gale’s hard cock straining at his boxers. john’s large hands spread the blonde’s thighs apart, tugging his boxers down his hips and letting his pretty pink cock spring free from its confines.

john was on him in an instant, licking at the clear bead of precum that gathered at the pretty pink head. gale gasped softly, his breath shaky and deep as john laved his dick in attention, running his hot tongue along the vein that adorned the underside, sucking at the tip, doing anything but taking it in his mouth yet– to enamored by the sweet little noises gale was making.

“john, please.” buck whimpered, voice soft and needy as he thrust upwards, cockhead sliding against bucky’s wet lips. “please,”

he begged so prettily. who was he to resist?

he finally took gale into his mouth in one go, nose nestled into a small thatch of blonde pubic hair just above his dick. gale bit back a moan, hands flying into john’s pretty curls, gripping them so hard that he was sure he ripped a few strands out. the sting made bucky moan around gale’s length, bobbing his head slowly.

he loved every little noise that left gale– the little gasps and quiet keens as he drooled around his cock, eyelashes fluttering as the tip of his cock nudged at the back of his throat. he wishes that he could hear gale at full volume, whining and begging for more– but they couldn't. not here.

“such a good mouth,” gale moaned, voice breathy and deep and so smooth to his ears, melting his brain as he pulled off his cock completely, licking at his dripping slit and collecting his precum with his tongue. “fuck, wish i could keep your mouth on me all day. keep you quiet. fuck–”

hearing gale cleven, straight edge, no gambling, hates sports gale cleven talking dirty to him like this sent shockwaves directly to his cock. he took him all the way back into his mouth, groaning deep in his throat as he ground against the rough sheets of the mattress, brows furrowed in concentration and pleasure as he took hold of gale’s slender hips. he felt so filthy, so needy and desperate for anything gale would give him, like a stray dog begging for food.

he wanted anything gale would give him. affection, hatred, love, loathing– he was hungry for all of it, for him. his cock was amazing on his tongue, hot and heavy and velvety, leaking in copious amounts down his throat as he swallowed every last drop of him. he could feel gale spasm in his throat, close to orgasm, and he found himself feeling greedier by the second.

“jesus christ,” buck gasped, hips lifting from the mattress, hand tightening in john’s curls, pulling him down onto his length frantically as his stomach began to spasm and tense up. “i’m– i’m gonna– john–”

his throat was flooded with gale’s spend, and he worked his throat around his sensitive cock dutifully as he swallowed it all. it was the sweetest thing he’d ever tasted, it made him hot, it made his brain melt, it made him needy for more–

he felt his cock spill against the sheets, a small whimper caught in his throat as he rode out his orgasm.

when he came to, he was aware of gale whimpering from overstimulation as he absentmindedly suckled at his cock.

“john, please,” he whined, trying to pull free. “enough.”

bucky pulled off, cheek resting on his thigh stickily. they were both panting, faces flushed and eyes glossy with aroused tears. they locked eyes, and john couldn't help the surge of emotion that overcame him as he shot up, capturing gale’s lips in a soft kiss. at this moment, everything felt like it would be okay.

“we should clean up,” gale mumbled against his lips, panting softly. “made a mess.”

“yeah,” john agreed, kissing him again, quicker this time. “think we can score new sheets?”

“we can jus’ move to my bunk for now. toss these sheets aside for morning laundry.” gale hummed, yawning softly and rubbing at his eyes like a sleepy little kid. how he could be so goddamn cute after doing something so filthy was beyond him.

“alright,” john hummed, watching as gale tucked himself into his boxers. “lemme wipe ya down first.”

john untucked a corner of the bedsheets, using them to wipe at gale’s cum stained torso gently, gale squirmed under the attention slightly, blushing at the way john was looking at him, full of love and reverence, like he hung the sun and the stars himself.

once he'd finished, he let gale stand and move back to his bunk, allowing john to rid his bed of the stained sheets and toss them aside for laundry. he'd find an excuse later.

he made his way to gale’s bunk, reversing the roles and cuddling up to gale, nuzzling into his neck and sighing deeply. gale smiled softly, hand carding through his hair gently.

“next time, we’ll try to make less of a mess,” he mumbled, voice deep with sleep as he pulled john closer.

“next time, huh? you fantasizing about it already?”

buck rolled his eyes, and bucky didn't miss the faint flush on his cheeks.

“i’m just saying. it’ll be nicer. maybe it’ll be in a proper bed, without all these people around. just the two of us, in our own bed,” he mumbled, eyes drifting shut. “just us, bucky.”

“buck–”

he didn't get to ask what he meant. he had already fallen asleep, snoring softly into the darkness of the room. buck went silent, pressing his ear to buck’s chest and listening to his steady heartbeat as he mulled over his words. his heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest.

maybe they would get out of here. if it meant he and buck would have a promising life together, he would be damned if he died in one of these godforsaken camps.

he would make it. for them.

taglist: @mooodyblue @lauvmyself @kaiistheguy @slowsweetlove

#mota #gale #john #buck x bucky #masters of the air #masters of the air fanfic #john egan #gale cleven #hbo war #clegan #eganven #curt biddick

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beevean · 5 months ago

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A more fleshed out idea of how I would have ended the Lenector story in the most balanced way I can think of.

Lenore is Hector's prisoner, as per canon. He still treats her as nothing happened, like a good friend, but Lenore is sulking and angry and not even bothering to keep up the façade like Hector used to do in her position. It's unfair, after she treated him as her only confidant, and she couldn't care less, that's what the traitor gets. Hector thinks he should be happy, to have reversed the roles on her... but he isn't. Unlike Lenore, power over another person doesn't satisfy him. He can't help but see her as a depressed animal in a cage... much like he used to be.

He wanted to protect her, he really did, but only now he's seeing how much hurt he caused her. Much like she said she meant to do with the ring, although to this day he doesn't know if it was a lie or the truth. There is no joy in inflicting her the same fate she inflicted upon him, even if it comes from a place of well-meaning and not selfishness. He has seen what that kind of "eye for an eye" mentality brings to the world, and he wants none of it.

So, he finally takes a decision for himself, and repays the one debt he has with her. He helps her flee from the castle. He is, for the first time, showing empathy to a person and not an animal.

(I don't even think Isaac needs to be kept in the dark. Lenore on her own is harmless, nothing like Carmilla who became a danger to the world. Hector and Lenore are dangerous tools in the wrong hands, but they lack the ambition that makes them solid threats, as they are mostly concerned with feeling safe. If Isaac truly wants to do good to everyone, he has no reason to keep Lenore as a prisoner, not even to force her to work for him. Same for Hector, since the two might have "forgiven" each other, but they have no relationship whatsoever. Perhaps him heeding Hector's request could show more how compassionate he has truly grown.)

Lenore is confused as to why, and Hector more or less explains that he couldn't bear watching her drinking herself into a stupor. Lenore snaps, and yells at him that he has no right to feeling sorry for her after what he has done, after going behind her back, after ruining her life... and is promptly shot down by Hector flashing his mutilated hand. Every ounce of ire Lenore directs at Hector is actually directed at herself, and they both know it. She is deeply regretting everything she did for the sake of people that didn't even respect her, she is just too proud to apologize. And her pride, her insecurity, her need to be the one in control, was what prevented her from truly being the good person she wanted to be. The very reason Hector wasn't happy with her despite her best efforts, and destroyed her life.

She really thought something so paltry as a slave ring would tame the human spirit. She really thought humans, like vampires, would care more about safety than freedom. For a diplomat who set herself to bridge humankind and vampirekind, she let her basic instincts get the better of her.

"Why didn't you just kill me back then?" she yells, attacks, it feels so good to blame Hector rather than herself. "At least I wouldn't have known how little I matter to you!"

"I'm no longer that child," Hector responds. "I'm no longer the boy who believes to have the right to punish others. Besides, shouldn't you know the desire to spare someone's life no matter what?"

They had never breached that subject again, not after Lenore dismissed it in a fit of denial. It still weighs on her. He can no longer care.

"All this time," Hector says at last, "I expected an apology, but I think I don't need it anymore. As much as I don't need you anymore. I'm grateful for your efforts to protect me from your sisters' ire, so now I'll use them to live for myself. I'm sorry it had to be this way."

He holds no grudges anymore, and he has genuinely come to appreciate the real Lenore behind her masks and the way she took care of him during the previous six weeks, when the world would have chewed him and spit him out; but at the same time, he can't bear staying with her. She makes him too sad. It reminds him of how low he allowed himself to be brought for the sake of some scraps of love. She reminds him too much of a version of him he doesn't want to be. There are too many conflicting feelings in him. He can't help but think that, in another life, the two could have been genuine friends, if not more... but not this one. Too much baggage, too much shared misery. He is done with it. No more will he seek safety and love in other people, as if he wasn't strong enough. He deserves better.

Lenore doesn't know what to think anymore. She wants to die so badly, she is almost tempted to not hide herself from the sun: she can't concieve her existence as nothing more than a black hole, unworthy of living. She is nothing more than a disgusting monster doomed to spread misery to the world, she thinks, and she should die like one. She has nothing left, no allies, no home, and the one person she fell in love with is pulling away from her, and she can't bear being abandoned, and she completely understands why he's doing so. At the same time, however... Hector too has nothing left, and yet he wants to live. After everything he went through, after himself desiring death at Isaac's hand, he wants to experience real life, not survival like he has done since he was born. Lenore pretended to praise his strength when she was manipulating him, but now she has come to genuinely admire that trait. Can she, a vampire used to nothing but comfort, be as strong as a human being?

She wants to ask Hector if he thinks she's a good person. A glance at his mutilated hand answers her more than any word could. Lenore, all this time, had no idea what being "good" meant, she was only good at putting up a façade of gentleness, and she thought it was enough. All this time, she behaved like a vampire pretending to be human... so now, she will learn from the best human she has ever met. The best person. The only one who saw her as a person as well, behind her masks, behind her usefulness.

Even if Hector is now walking towards the dawn, with nothing but his resolution. For the first time, he will live for him, for himself.

They will never meet again, but in a twisted way, they gave each other what they needed to grow.

#netflix castlevania #netflixvania thoughts #netflixvania #not tagging the main tag #lenector #lenore thoughts #lenore castlevania #also not tagging hector because i don't want to use the same tag as game hector and i can't think of an alternative #this is really the fairest i could be #it doesn't fix all the issues of the storyline such as hector's contradicting plan or the ring straight up not working #but there you go. this is how i would have done things without punishing any of them unfairly #see just treat the sympathetic villain like a sympathetic villain and the victim as someone capable of growing #toxic ships are valid and toxic unhealthy dynamics fascinate me so! that's why i can't stop thinking about this story and its potential #also i couldn't help inserting some of the themes of the cod mangas #like associating humanity with strength and will to live #... and i think in the process i kinda turned lenore into game isaac whoops

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 year ago

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AITA for abandoning my friend?

Around the beginning of this year, I joined a Discord server that was run by one person, D. D's partner(?), P, was also in the server. It very quickly became apparent to me that P did not like me, despite my attempts to be friendly, and at one point P even left the server for reasons I suspect had something to do with me. Despite this, D and I quickly became friends, and I genuinely enjoyed talking to him and spending time with him. I assumed it was fine even if P didn't like me, because I wasn't interested in D romantically and wasn't trying to cause problems for them; I just liked hanging out with D as a friend.

Things were fine for a few months, but there ended up being a minor argument in the server that spiraled a bit out of control, with most people in the server ending up split between supporting me and my friends, or P and his friends. I advised D to close the channel to stop the argument, and apologized to him in private once it was over, asked if there was anything I could do to help, etc. I still don't think I was in the wrong in this argument, but it was really over such a minor thing that I was trying to just deescalate and move on.

For about a week or so, everything was fine, but then D suddenly kicked me from the server without warning, and when I messaged him to ask what happened, he told me that what I'd said during the argument (now a week prior) was transphobic and he didn't want to be friends with a transphobe. I asked for an explanation of what I'd said that was transphobic, but he didn't answer, and kept insisting we couldn't be friends. So, I told him that I'd back off and leave him alone for now, but that I'd still be here if he changed his mind some day.

I already suspected by that point that P had something to do with him suddenly changing his mind, and a mutual friend, K, later confirmed that they also suspected P was being toxic and controlling based on their conversations with D. D had already cut me off by this point, so there wasn't much I could do; I just told K the same thing, that I still cared about D and wanted the best for him, but I wasn't going to reach out.

Fast forward a few months. After a death in the family and a subsequent struggle with grief and depression, I wasn't doing so great anymore. It was at this point that D reappeared, messaging my Tumblr to tell me, essentially, that he was still alive but not doing well, that he was sorry for how he'd treated me before, and that we still couldn't be friends, because P didn't like me. I'd told him before that I would still be his friend if he wanted me to, but now he wanted me to listen to him talk about what had gone wrong in his life when he was just going to vanish again after. I told him that I would happily listen and support him as a friend, but that if we're not friends and he's not going to stick around, then I don't have the energy to help him and also take care of myself. So, he left again, and I haven't heard from him since.

I've been worried about him since we last talked; I know that he's depressed, and I know what it's like to deal with an abusive partner, as I've had a few of them in the past. I want to be able to help him, but I don't know if he'll let me, and I know that if we have a major falling out again like we did before, it'll be a lot harder for me to recover now. AITA for putting myself first?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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player-4045 · 4 days ago

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Bungo stray dogs, my imagined ending

Warning! Slight S5 spoliers. It's just sn imagined ending I made inspired by the recent chapters. This is only the first part, so apologies to anyone wanting to read the rest. Also, it's my first somewhat fanfic so apologies for any problems in fluidity or grammar or anything of sorts. Enjoy

2 months had passed since the entire incident. It all honestly felt like a blur and went by so quickly. It felt like so much happened in so little time. Yet, at the same time, it didn't.

The city streets were buzzing with the sound of everyone excited to go home on a Friday evening. The glow of the sun radiated on everything a shade of morning gold that made it all even better. Atsushi could feel the light breeze on his face as he walked through the familiar streets of Yokohama towards the agency headquarters, or at least, what used to be of it. He walked through the crowd, a few folded cardboard boxes in his arms, and a small smile on his face. It was hard going through all these funerals every few days. Today was Tanizaki's, and it was especially painful since there were only 12 to be there. Even though Atsushi never went to funerals until recently, it felt wrong that he had so few people to care about him. While heading to his destination, he stopped in front of the display window of a TV store. They were playing the interview of one of the hunting dogs, Tetchō Suehiro. The boy remembered him from Kenji's funeral. He looked so...upset. It was hard to gauge his emotions, but it did surprise a few seeing him grieve for someone in the agency, considering how he tried to kill them less than a year ago. But, it was heartbreaking to know how his fate ended. Atsushi could understand it all: losing everyone close, feeling betrayed, and being alone. He knew how difficult it was for him as well, and could only wish that he'd get better. It was nice to know how he was getting better. On TV, the interviewer asked him how he was coping ever since the events, to which Tetchō replied in his usual monotone voice.

-I do. I just don't want to show it. There's no point in getting emotional over the loss of my fellow members.

He went silent for a small moment, before resting one leg on the other, and his hands behind his head as he closed his eyes and continued to answer the previous question.

-But there is no point in mourning them. I know they wouldn't want me to grieve longer than necessary. So I'll keep fighting, even if it means doing it without them.

Atsushi smiled at those words. If only he could come to terms with them. He still hasn't accepted the losses he saw, but he was trying. And especially for the agency. Everything was so depressing right now, and going so fast, it felt unreal. He listened a bit longer to Tetchō's responses, before deciding it was best if he hurried a bit, already late enough and knew the others would be waiting. Before leaving, he stopped and gave the screen one last glance, the corners of his lips curled in a slight smile, a more joyous and genuine one he hadn't felt in months now, before walking away from the display window.

Outside the building, just in front of the cafe, Lucy was standing with Mr Uzumaki. Atsushi heard about how Lucy was going to become manager, as the older man had now decided to retire. He was honestly happy for the old manager, especially since he was going on a long vacation with his wife. But being in a hurry, he just waved them both before heading inside the building and to the office floor. He slowed down in front of it, his hand on the handle, taking a deep breath before walking in. His eyes laid on the sight of everyone, Ranpo at his desk with his glasses to the side, Dazai spinning on his chair, Naomi helping Kirako clean everything up and Yosano putting away her medical supplies. He walked in, giving everyone a warm smile. Some returned on their own, like Kirako and a slightly forced one from Yosano. But others like Ranpo only gave him a slight nod. Atsushi knew Ranpo was still going through the motions after the president's funeral a few days ago. He hadn't had a snack for a while. It was a punch in the gut to see him like that. His eyes had been red for a while since everything. He hadn't stopped crying and was getting worse each day. Hell, Poe's novels couldn't cheer him up, even the easy ones.

And Naomi has been doing somewhat better since this morning. Sure she was still crying over her brother's death, but Kirako was helping her out of a tone. Yosano...well she was filled with guilt. She had been wishing day after day to be there, to at least try and heal them. It was impossible, and she knew that, but it didn't make the pain any less suffocating. She had been blaming herself for every death that happened and was getting flashbacks of her childhood. She had harder times at each funeral, unable to even approach the bodies without wanting to ask forgiveness for her incompetence.

Atsushi's gaze turned to Dazai. He's been...quiet. Everyone was left scarred by it all. Fyodor had tested his limits far more than anyone else's, and Atsushi believes that that trauma was much deeper than what he was leading on. The once suicide-loving maniac man was now just silently thinking. He did drop a few jokes here and there, but overall wasn't the same. No one was really. They may have all survived, but it was clear that no one left unharmed.

On Dazai's desk, Atsushi could see a few pictures scattered with old reports, unfinished paperwork, random scribbles, and other nonsense things that only Dazai would own. They seemed old and worn down, but the high-quality print let him see the pictures. On them, he saw Dazai covered in bandages head to toe, standing to the side with a glass of whiskey in hand. With him, stood two men. He recognized one of them as being part of the Special Divisions unit, Ango Sakaguchi. In the middle though, he had no idea. He was a tall man with dark brown eyes and short hair that had a reddish tinge and was slightly parted so that a small area of his forehead was visible.

-Hey Dazai? Who's that?

Dazai snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at Atsushi, before backing down that photo in front of him, completely forgetting that he left it out in the open, as he was focused on all the documents he had to finish.

-An old friend of mine actually -Is this the one you were visiting the last time?

-Yes...Just reminiscing about the good old days, ya know?

Despite his attempts to be his cheery and his usual gleeful self, Atsushi could see the force he put behind that smile. It was clear that much more was going on in that head of his at the moment, but he didn't want to talk about it. Atsushi always knew Dazai was a strange and unreadable man, but he had also learned not to question the brunettes' judgments or needs, out of experience...but also because it was like demanding answers from a stone wall, one that not even Chuuya could break.

Though… it did hurt. To think that everything that happened recently was so terrible that Dazai would feel the need to look at old memories of his time in the Port Mafia, something he used to regret, was enough to tell Atsushi everything. Atushi’s knowledge on Dazai’s past was limited, but just enough to tell him that finding comfort in that guilt ridden pain was not normal. He tried reaching out a hand, wanting to comfort the man and say that it will get better, but stopped and pulled back. No. His gesture would be well appreciated, but he also needed to accept that Dazai could handle himself as well. After all, this was the same crazy man that planned so many ridiculous yet genius plans in the past. He just needed proper time, and before Atsushi would even know it, Dazai would be back to his usual irresponsible self. His gaze went over to all the items in the agency, and everything they still needed to pack. With half of the agency gone, and everyone currently going through both good and bad events with no break to process just the sheer reality of what they endured, working at the agency was becoming much harder. Kyōka was the one to suggest they pack up the former members' items to not ruin them before they all took a long break to truly understand everything that happened and digest it properly. It was... difficult, but necessary. They weren't going to shut down the agency for good, but no one was sure when they'd start again. Not even Ranpo. For the time being, he stopped using his glasses, too exhausted to deal with being the best detective mankind has ever seen. But at least they all were doing what was necessary.

-Alright. Let's finish wrapping this up so we don't have to do any boring paperwork anymore

Even in exhaustion, Dazai did his best to keep the mood light and help everyone laugh. Did it work? Not quite. Did they all appreciate it? Absolutely. Yosano gave him a small melancholic smile before nodding and getting started on it all.

Everyone pitched in one way or another, dusting everything off and placing them in labeled boxes in neat manners. Kunakida would have absolutely loved this work ethic if he had been here. Dazai said a few jokes here and there to lighten Naomi's mood. Kyōka arrived a little late, but she managed to help out enough as well.

...The day went by so quickly. It and hours felt like only a few moments, and Atsushi had lost track of time. By evening, everything had lasted one by one, leaving only Dazai, Ranpo, and Atsushi. Yosano didn't feel very well and headed out early, and the same went for Naomi and Kirako. Kyōka tried to stay but accidentally fell asleep somehow. Luckily Ranpo took her to her dorm. At this point, a soft evening glow hit the room through the windows. A large majority of things are packed and well-kept on shelves.

Atsushi was cleaning up Kunikida's desk. Well, more like just packing it up. Even during and after a worldwide crisis, his area was impeccable in every manner, it gave Atsushi no idea what to do other than just put it away. But he smiled. It was so like him. Even as a ghost, it seemed like their Kunikida was still the same.

Atsushi took another box, gently starting to place the evening in it, putting all the documents from his devices in a hard drive with everyone else's, and neatly making sure there wasn't a speck of dust anywhere. His eyes soon caught sight of The Book. It still felt so surreal to think that he had it. The same book that caused this chain of events, just sitting there in a stack of papers and files. The same book that had the power to alter reality to his desire any way he wanted.

All Atsushi needed to do was to write it. To write them. Just their names. And it would be as if nothing happened.

His hand hovered slightly towards it. The idea was so tempting. The fact he could bring them back, and finally be able to see them again. After all, the agency was the first home he had. Bringing it back would not only make him happy, but everyone else as well. Dazai would smile again, Ranpo wouldn’t have to cry, Yosano wouldn’t feel the need to blame herself. It would make the agency whole again.

....just like how it used to be.

But he hesitated. Would that be right? Was it even okay to want that?

His hand hovered over it, before he withdrew it back. A smile on his face slowly emerged. The kind that hurt, the kind that knew loss was permanent. They had fought. They had lived. They had died, for something far greater than themselves. To undo all that, would be an insult to their sacrifices, and a selfish act on his own behalf. They deserved better than to live more than what they were given. They deserved to rest, and peacefully at that. So without a second thought, he put it in the book self, next to the rest of Kunikida’s old notebooks and Dazai’s guide to suicide, and went back to finish cleaning. After all, Atsushi had nothing else to do with it. He didn’t want it to rid the world of sin like Fyodor did. Nor did he want to obtain some great riches from it; To him, it was just a half empty book, with him having no interest in it.

#bsd #bungo sd #bungo stray dogs atsushi #bungo stray dogs dazai #ranpo edogawa #bsd atsushi #bsd dazai #bsd fanfic #bsd angst

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heliomanteia · 3 months ago

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Hi! I've stumbled across a couple of your posts about Calypso and I just wanted to say that it was nice to see someone that thinks about her the same way that I do. She is deeply flawed and does things that are wrong, but she's also a whole person being used as a punishment by the gods for some random man they don't like very much. It's just so wonderful for me to see a person that can see her whole character instead of just her poor meow meow Odysseus potential

(like the rape headcanon which has a single (ONE SINGLE LINE) of evidence in the entire saga for. I'm so sick of people taking this character that probably doesn't even know what sex is and deciding that she's a rapist because she was in the original Odyssey. Literally no one else gets this treatment but her)

Hello, Epic!Calypso means a lot to me and every time I see an incessantly mean post about her I grow to like her more in defiance /lh

I feel a lot of ways about Calypso and I'm very biased because I resonate with her on some deep personal level. But also your ask allows me to rant and so I will:

🌊 I like Calypso as a character because she's complex. She has close to no known lore in the Odyssey and I choose to ignore other texts that mention her because, well, Epic is loosely based off the Odyssey. The musical expanded on the little personality she had in the text in a good way, in my opinion. She's more than a foil/functional narrative part she was in the original text.

🌴 I feel like you're making a good point by saying she probably doesn't know what sex is. While she's clearly an adult woman, she was supposedly imprisoned young (if you follow the general myth, then during Titanomachy) and it's never stated she had prior lovers. She probably has an idea of intimacy but no experience of intimacy. She's also not socialized properly. I would compare her experience to someone living in total isolation or solitary confinement. Of course her people skills are limited. She needs therapy, not public scrutiny.

🥥 Whether or not you believe immortal beings age and mature depends on the source but mythology (generally) offers us examples of growing up and becoming of Gods so I believe Calypso grew up on that island. Her saying she was imprisoned "when young" also kinda hints it imo. With that said, this girl might have as well spent her formative years alone. Loneliness has devastating effects on psyche, I'm surprised she's not deathly depressed. That is, if we choose a sympathetic route — which is what I choose to follow because Epic is overall written as a sympathetic narrative. If it wasn't, I'd just call Odysseus a war criminal that deserves all he got.

🐚 This one is controversial but I cannot help but feel sympathy for the way Calypso imagines a happily-ever-after and genuinely believes in that illusion. It reminds me a lot of how someone with a stigmatized mental disorder would view reality in a distorted way — and sometimes even hurt other people without meaning to hurt them. Toxic (this word is so overused), suffocating love? And from both of her songs we know she didn't mean to hurt Odysseus. Her actions were wrong, her reasonings convoluted, but she did not mean harm. She hurt him without an intention to hurt him and she can't see that she hurt him because her world rotates on completely different system of axis. You could say she understands she might have been wrong but she won't apologize for it.

🍹 I will never keep repeating that she's an immortal character that lacks human morality overall + she's never been around others before Odysseus. The way she's scrutinized for the same things other Gods across mythology do (most of whom are constantly around mortals and have a track of seducing them) is such a knee-jerk response it's funny.

Like I said before, I personally choose to interpret Calypso's "ambush" as at least somewhat physical, but at the end of the day it is an assumption/personal preference. You reminded me, though, how, hm, peculiar it is that she's so far the only character whose mythical counterpart overpowers her musical persona in the fandom about the musical. I appreciate that people are aware of the text of the Odyssey enough (I hope) but there has to be a limit to the complaining. Jorge works hard to create fleshed out characters for his own loosely inspired story that he fills in with his own narratives. I think it gets to the point of ridiculous when a fleshed out character is ignored in favor of a barely defined myth counterpart.

Her character didn't get absolved of the blame, she got two banger songs that completely align with her myth persona, literally what is that thing that makes people so mad about her. Because if it's personal distaste then it sure overpowered the ability to enjoy complicated narratives and characters that do not align with what the main character needs.

#❔#I cannot believe I have to explain a complex character to a fandom about a musical about a complicated man smh 😔#epic the musical #epic calypso

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alexxncl · 2 years ago

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who fell first, who fell harder (brothers)

based on the og game, lesson 16+ spoilers

masterlist | more drabbles/hcs | dateables edition

luci

this might be unpopular but he did both

it just took him forever to realize bc he was too caught up in making sure mc didn’t get themselves killed

always went easy on them whenever they got in trouble

pushed his pride to the side *shockingly* whenever they got hurt

would be one of the first to help them whenever they needed anything and gave in to everything they asked for with no prompting

realized how down bad he was after they studied together one night, he fell asleep at his desk and they brought a blanket over and put a pillow under his head so he'd be more comfortable

woke up with hot coffee, breakfast, and a note telling him to take better care of himself with the bed half made, he realized mc stayed in the room with him the whole night

connected the dots right before he made a pact with them in lesson 20 (?) and confessed to them after they [redacted]

mc always saw through his stuck up act, sympathized with him once they realized he genuinely cared about their well being

started spending more time with him after the lesson 16 incident

he forbade them from going to school until they fully recovered from everything that happened, insisted on walking them to school every day

the stereotypical kdrama tripping and falling into the person's arms while they walked to school

they confessed after the whole pact situation right before they left the devildom

mams

we all know he did both like let's be fr

"first man"

i love him sm y'all dont understand

every time he needed help, he'd go to them

every time he was feeling insecure, he'd go to them

he noticed little changes in their demeanor and always did his best to cheer them up if something was wrong

not exactly a love at first sight thing, but real close to it

quite literally broke down in their arms the day before they left the devildom

all his brothers picked up on it and teased him relentlessly, he had to talk to lucifer to even build up the courage to confess

and even then it took him until the night before they left

mc was oblivious as hell to his feelings which is crazy bc he did nothing to hide them

they saw through his tsundere act and warmed up to him the fastest

honestly they fell not long after he did but they didn't wanna say anything out of fear of ruining their friendship

the lesson 16 incident shook him up so badly that he clung to them for weeks after it, he didn't let belphie anywhere near them even after apologizing

yelled at the brothers whenever they talked shit and called him names, they almost always went too far and it always got to him

after they went back to the human realm, he skipped class and dealt with being strung up by luci just to see them

levi

levi fell first, mc fell harder

HEAR ME OUT

he'd invite them over to game with him and watch anime at ungodly hours of the night

they're awful at videogames so he'd let them win just to see them get all excited

don't tell his brothers that though

when they slept over, they made sure he got out of his habit of oversleeping so he could avoid lectures

helped him with his anxiety since they also dealt with it

with mc, they empathized with his anxiety/depression and spent as much time with him as possible whenever he had his episodes

saw how much he cared for his brothers and his pet(s) and, eventually, how much he cared about them

they opened up to him about their insecurities and he did his best to reassure and relate to them so they felt less alone

they confessed to him first bc of mammon's encouragement, he knew his brother wouldn't be able to do it without prompting

they did it a few weeks before they left the devildom so they'd have time together

after the lesson 16 incident, he'd always go to their room with manga or a console to try to take their mind off of what happened

every time they went out together, he'd be in his demon form and have his tail wrapped around either their ankle or their wrist/hand subconsciously

satan

satan fell first, mc fell harder

again, hear me out

the first thing he noticed about their interactions with him was their lack of fear

they were so much less powerful and more fragile in comparison to him, but that didn't deter them from wanting to get close to him

in true tsundere fashion, he tried pushing them away once he realized his feelings

that didn't work and they tried spending more time with him to see why he started acting weird

THEN they ended up falling for him

how he acted like he didn't care for his brothers but went out if his way to make sure they were ok

how he was able to be vulnerable with them about his insecurities and self hatred bc of his birth

how they got to see his soft side with belphie and cats

his reaction to the lesson 16 incident also pushed them over the edge

his entire angry demeanor crumbled, he always had new book recs and brought them cats when he had to go to school si they wouldn't be alone

they confessed first, but it was right before they left bc they were too scared of rejection

asmo

mc fell first, asmo fell harder

mc never fell for his "me, me, me" attitude and got him to open up easily

they found themself gravitating towards his room whenever they needed a pick me up, he'd always be down to give them a spa day

despite his sin, he never overstepped with the sexual jokes and advances

it starred off as a tiny crush, but mc realized it was more than that after a really bad day for asmo, they got to take care of him the way he took care of them

asmo was head over heels after that, never left their side

he stopped trying to act like he wasn't insecure about his position in the devildom or his looks, he was more comfortable opening up about his struggles

even tho mc fell first, asmo confessed like a month before they had to leave the devildom

the lesson 16 incident had him clinging to them 100 times more than he had before, lucifer had to pry him away from them so he could go to school

the day they left the devildom was full of tears

beel

mc fell first, beel fell harder

he has such a big heart and he's trusting of everyone, his openness helped mc become more comfortable around him

he only gets angry in regards to his sin or his family, and he considered mc family very early on

they'd start packing extra snacks in their bookbag when they knew they had classes with him, and id they weren't in school, they'd have them in their pockets

after a really stressful day, mc went to beel for consolation, and he dragged them to the kitchen after wrapping them up in one of belphies weighted blankets to try and fix them a beel-sized meal to make them feel better

seeing how easily he'd drop everything to make sure they were ok

seeing how gentle he was with them despite his size and strength

seeing how happy he looked when talking about his family

him allowing himself to be vulnerable about belphie and lilith

all of it boiled over when he cooked for them, they confessed on the spot

he was caught off guard, but realized after some thinking that he felt the same and didn't realize it

they moved slowly, and while beel navigated his feelings for them, he realized how much he cared about them

giving them extra servings when it was his turn to cook, and when it wasnt, he'd slide some of his food onto their plate

going to their room to talk if he had a nightmare about the celestial war

asking satan and luci what the best ways to deal with anxiety were

making sure they drank enough water

and after the lesson 16 incident, his feelings were all over the place

he was angry at himself, angry at lucifer, angry at belphie, but never angry at mc

he didn't want to be angry with belphie, but once mc (reluctantly) forgave him, he and belphies relationship was fixed

they spent their last days in the devildom together going to all of his favorite restaurants and food trucks

belphie

belphie did both.

he hated the human. he hated all humans. he had to, for lilith.

he manipulated them, lied to them, betrayed their trust, he KILLED them

so why did he feel so guilty about it?

why did he find himself gravitating towards their room every day before school, waking up early just to peek through the crack in their door to see how they were doing, disobeying lucifer's direct orders?

why did every flinch of theirs leave him with a gaping hole in his chest?

no matter how many times he apologized, he never felt like he truly deserved forgiveness

but they were so kind, so understanding, so infuriatingly sweet to him despite everything he did

he loved them, and he do everything in his power to show it, even if they never felt the same

mc saw how much he was hurting, they saw how much his actions affected him, how he was trying to be a better person

the brothers would understand if they never forgave him, but why did they feel inclined to?

they were never really asleep when he snuck by their room to check on them, he had to have known that

his brothers spoiled him the way he spoiled them

after learning to navigate their friendship, mc realized what they felt was deeper than whatever platonic feelings they thought they had

they were in the attic, belphie ranting about one of his anti-lucifer-league schemes failing, and they kissed him

they spent their remaining weeks in the devildom attached to his hip, much to the brothers' disdain, but they couldn't hide how relieved they were at his sudden change of heart towards humans

#obey me nightbringer #obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me x mc #obey me hcs #obey me headcanon #personal fave

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sillimancer · 5 months ago

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so I've been watching Bluey and I'm on episode 37/52 in series 1 so I feel like I've seen enough of it to have genuine thoughts (I skimmed the wikipedia page too)

the reason I started watching it was because of its reputation among millennials with kids who have been swearing up and down that it's basically free therapy for our age group. I'm definitely in the market to having my brain chemistry altered but after 37 episodes, I don't know that I'm there yet. there is still a lot of show left to go though, and some of the most-circulated clips I've seen on social media have been in episodes I haven't come across yet, so that is subject to change.

what I CAN say is that Bluey is objectively a very good tv show that 100% deserves its Peabody award. it's thoughtful, fun, and honestly funnier than it has any right to be. I've laughed out loud more than once. Joe Brumm made the show with the intention of it being entertaining for both kids and parents and he absolutely nailed that balance, I think. in that way, it's not a kid show; it's a family show. and I like that (and I'm pleasantly surprised by how well it works!).

I haven't been a kid for a long time so it's hard for me to put myself in the shoes of a child, especially in a world that is so drastically different from mine. I think this is the first kid show I've seen that prominently features things like smartphones. I know those shows exist--the new Blue's Clues is a good example of how things have been updated to suit modern audiences--but it's something that caught my eye as an Old Fart (in internet years). Not as a bad or good thing, just as a "wow I'm getting older and it's getting harder to relate to or even understand childhood" kind of way. Maybe that's why people want to be parents so badly. To reconnect with that. I can sympathize with that feeling.

the show focuses a lot on Bluey and her sister and friends navigating the world through imaginative play, which I love and has a solid backing in child developmental psychology. I actually just started learning a little bit about play therapy (I follow a play therapist on tiktok who kinda got me into it, I love her), so I feel like I've been getting a little bonus bit of enrichment out of the show for that. it's like when you're watching a movie that's partly in another language and you don't speak the language but you recognize it and can maybe pick out a couple words? it's like that.

I think Brumm really captured lightning in a bottle with this project. you can feel the love it's made with. the storylines are grounded with just the right touch of an almost magical or fantastical quality that really makes you feel childlike wonder even as a cynical and deeply depressed 30-something. There's conflict and mess, sure, but built on a foundation of safety and community, and I think that's probably what's resonating with (american) millennials. we inherited so much instability and pain from our previous generations that it's hard to believe a world or even a family unit like Bluey's could exist. parents who love each other? who are active in their children's lives? who apologize when they do something wrong? COULDN'T BE US!

all this to say I'm enjoying the show, it's heartwarming, it's charming, it's delightful, and I hope Joe Brumm lives forever. but it's also very much designed for children so like. I worry the millennial parents crying over this show on tiktok may be overselling it.

#my diary #watcher diaries #idk do I tag this for real in a detectable way #children's media #bluey #idk if there's a way to come out of saying 'I think kid media is neat' without sounding like a creep or a loser #but it is what it is idk it's interesting from a developmental psychology and sociological perspective I think #I don't know that this show is healing my inner child or anything like that #but it's been a fun way to take breaks between assignments cuz the episodes are only 7 minutes long #I DEFINITELY would have made my sister watch this if it had been around when she was little #this show is babysitting gold right here #you can also tell that the original seed of a concept was like 'peppa pig but make it australian'#I don't think I've seen enough peppa pig to say if bluey is better or not #but I can see the inspiration now that it's been pointed out to me #it kinda reminds me of the rugrats with the story beats and how it handles humor #I'm having fun!#also I see why people wanna fuck the dad dog now #I don't want to personally but I can see why people are being like that #he's funny and charming!#dude's got two kids he obviously has game

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wrongcaitlyn · 8 months ago

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AHHHHH OK OK I DIDN'T COMMENT ON THE PIPER/SHEL ONESHOT IM SO SORRY MY DEPRESSION HAS BEEN HEAVY HITTING AND I DID READ IT WHEN IT CAME OUT AND AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Shel is so unbelievably relatable, like the whole thing with her friends and her struggle to find new friends, AND HER TRYING NOT TO FREAK OUT IN FRONT OF FREAKING PIPER MCLEAN

AND AND OMG TODAY'S CHAPTER????? GLORIOUS ABSOLUTELY GLORIOUS

THE SCENE WHERE APOLLO TELLS NICO THAT HE'S HIS SON NO MATTER WHAT???? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my prayers were answered I love them sm

THE HEART TO HEART NICO HAS WITH DREW???? Drew is so right but I can 100% see why Nico finds it annoying especially when he hasn't had anyone care about his reputation (someone that wasn't Apollo lmao)

MEG???? JUST MEG. IT WAS SO BRIEF BUT I LOVE HER SM LIKE SHE'S SO DONE WITH APOLLO 😭 also the whole "You peaked in 1989" HILARIOUS especially since Apollo corrects her too 😭😭 like who's gonna tell him 2002 was like almost 2 decades ago BUT HE'S GONNA BE BACK RELEASING MUSIC AND A LABEL AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF HE DOESN'T GO BIG AGAIN

AND LASTLY THE EXCERPT??? AGHHHHHHHHH YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART OVER HERE APOLLO WAS JUST A BABY 😭 and the fact that he admits to wanting fame, to wanting the attention, but that the difference between choosing it and being pushed into it made it feel like a chore AND WHO TF IS LETTING THIS 16 YEAR OLD GET DRUNK OFF HIS ASS

That just makes his sobriety that much more important bc this man was codependent on alcohol from the age of SIXTEEN and now that I'm thinking about it I'm terrified of someone taking advantage of this man bc he's SIXTEEN going to house parties and clubs filled with adults AND THERE'S NO ONE TO MAKE SURE APOLLO IS OKAY

Man and we all know why Apollo craves the attention and fame like his father probably never gave him any attention that wasn't in the form of screaming matches and lectures about his work as a celebrity :( Leto probably overcompensated and probably showered Apollo in affection when he was tiny child doing child actor things but now that he's older she can't be there for him and AHHHHHHHHHH

I got more write but I'll probably put it in another ask THIS IS SO LONG IM SO SORRY AHH TYSM FOR THE UPDATE

Have a good day 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

DON'T APOLOGIZE AT ALL THIS ASK IS SO SWEET <33LKSJDF THANK YOU OMG

truly apollo just grabbed the reigns for that scene. like i genuinely did not expect to write all that, it was meant to just be abt delphi records, but then he DID and ughsdlkfj😭 i love them so much omfg give me their father son dynamic in every universe <33

THANK U FOR NOTICING THE "you peaked in 1998" "it was actually 2002" LKSDJGFSD I WAS CACKLING WHILE WRITING THAT FOR SOME REASON meg will never not take a chance to point out how old apollo is (he really isn't that old)

and genuinely i get so upset thinking about apollo from this au. like. i know that i pushed this all onto him and i created the story and the lore and whatnot but GOD HE WAS JUST A TEEN. HE WAS JUST A KID. AND😭😭😭😭

literally everything you said is perfectly accurate and i couldn't say it myself. like he just deserved so much more. he had no one to truly look out for him, no one to actually show him right from wrong, every step he turned was just bad influence after bad influence - and being exposed to those kinds of things at the SCALE at which he was... that's literally traumatic. and GOD i just. aghlskdfjsdlfr. he's literally top 3 characters in talk your talk. i think about him sometimes even more than nico and willDSJLKF

NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR THE LONG ASK I LOVED THISSDFJ <333 i look forward to more of your thoughts (esp apollo related, writing apollo scenes and excerpts has got to be one of my favorite parts of talk your talk)

#wrongcaitlyn #talk ur talk asks

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8bitsupervillain · 7 months ago

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Higurashi When They Cry Hou ch. 5 Meakashi pt. 8

A brief recap, Shion went to the school pretending to be Mion to try to find out what's going on with Satoshi. Satoshi rebuffed her by telling her to ask herself why he's being so cold and distant to her. She takes this harshly thinking it's an attack on her when it's really delivered to Mion. Going back to the classroom she sees Satoko crying, and so she attacks Satoko going so far as to try to slam a chair across her and Rika "in an attempt to make her stronger." Or something along those lines. Half-hearted apologies are said, and now everyone's just ducky. Because, you know, people can just forget and forgive assault just by saying sorry.

Shion, buddy, pal, Satoshi is unaware you even exist. Every single interaction you've had with the guy you've been masquerading yourself as Mion. Every interaction, every head rubbing, every manic breakdown freakout where you batter a ten year old he thinks is Mion.

This I feel really sums up Shion, always looking to shift the blame around rather than reflect on her own actions. Satoshi must be in the wrong for rejecting her, it must be Oryou's fault Satoshi rejected her. She is aware that the guy is under some serious stress, but is utterly unwilling to accept that maybe he's just lashing out.

Previously I had mentioned that I think Shion is only latching on to Satoshi because he was the first guy with a pulse to focus on her since leaving the school. I had genuinely forgot about the notebook page there that more or less confirmed my statement. I swear I'm not just trying to regurgitate what the VN says but put my own spin on it. It only looks that way. Also I see in the future Shion will still be unable to let Satoko just live. She committed the most vile crime, living.

So it cuts to the day before Watanagashi 1982, she's living her depressed life because the boy yelled at her, and wasn't instantly on her side when good ol' Kasai shows up.

While I find this interesting that this somewhat confirms that the Sonozaki family aren't responsible for the deaths I am getting hung up on a really small detail. "There were cases of multiple victims in the past." You mean, all of them? With the exception of the foreman, every one of the Oyashiro killings has been a couple. The Houjou parents, the Furude parents (then eventually the aunt Tamae Houjou, and Satoshi, and Tomitake and Takano a year from now). It's just such an odd translation error to make, I thought maybe that Shion didn't know about Rika's mom, but I double-checked and when she learns about the curse killings she is told point blank the mom is one of the victims as well.

Oh come now.

Come on Kasai, be a pal, kill a child for me! Shion-san... you seem weirdly invested in this child dying. Just do it you small-fry mother fucker!

Mion then calls Shion telling her to call Satoshi. She does so, and the two start talking, Satoshi apologizing for the way he acted after stopping Shion beating up Satoko.

This confirms this version of events takes place in a different timeline from at the very least Tatarigoroshi. In that chapter Mion mentions that Keiichi is saying things that were very similar to the last time she spoke to Satoshi. So unless we need to start thinking that every single time Mion is on-screen it's secretly Shion it seems very likely that the timeloop alternate timelines theory is the correct theory. Which, boy don't get me started on that particular conspiracy theory.

So, I wonder what this silence means. Did Mion say something different when he asked her about the curse? Or is he just giving up because try as he might Mion just refuses to accept the idea the curse exists? I would very much like to see that particular conversation. The two then end their conversation because Satoshi's aunt is approaching, and Satoshi asks Shion to keep an eye on Satoko forever. Which she doesn't reply to.

If this is the embodiment of Hinamizawa or Oyashiro I wonder why they decided to take the direct route and converse with Satoshi directly? Assuming the supernatural elements of the narrative are real, and not just the hallucinations of a diseased mind. I don't think this is an actual factual demon/god/spirit, I'm leaning on this is his mind reaching its limit and snapping like a dry twig. Like how Keiichi snapped and became demonically methodical when he decided to kill Teppen.

#higurashi #higurashi when they cry #higurashi no naku koro ni #higurashi playthrough

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scoops404 · 11 months ago

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i feel horrible. I feel betrayed and I’m depressed but strangely not surprised?

Its not even, not even about who is worse or whatever, i just- I heard connor eats pants talk, he said how george and the dream team, (even if they don’t acknowledge it,) have a large young girl audience. That’s the part of the audience that helped them grow.(And id say the audience who was the most emotionally, young girls or queer people who a lot of the time grew up presenting female or queer people in general, who are also at higher risk of getting used or assaulted ) and how its disgusting and disappointing to see them drop these weird points about consent and i (as a part of that demographic myself) - that really hit me in some way. That really hit me and something about it rings in my chest with hurt an realisation. It makes me incredibly sad, and yet it makes me realise stuff.

That point to me seems incredibly important.

That fact makes their statements seem ignorant..

Im slowly coming to terms with how I personally want to move forward with acknowledging their content, the content that was genuinely helping my depression and was part of my routine. So I didn’t formulate this to be some sort of statement, but more of a “oh” moment that i wanted to share

These men don’t feel like they care about the large audience they hurt.. young girls, and how their respective statements about consent could affect idk their world view? :/

Something i got reminded of when reading tumblr after watching that connor tiktok clip of his stream.

I see where you're coming from and what you're feeling is valid and it's entirely up to you if you want to stay or not

I just think that we've seen a lot of examples of them being good to women, in a professional sense as well as personally (as recent as Sapnap's birthday stream we saw George direct the camera away from Sylvee's skirt while she was climbing the wall). This is not a defense of George's behavior regarding the Caiti situation in any way, shape, or form, but we also can't erase the good behavior that we have witnessed, you know?

Like, I've left fandoms for petty reasons and big reasons (i used to love shane dawson, I used to love david dobrik, i went on a weird hate watch spree for a couple depressing months in like 2018 for the paul brothers--i'm not proud) and when a cc's behavior becomes clear, I drop their ass. Even through the drituation, I've never seen behavior from the dreamteam that I thought was hateful against anyone and I believe they've always shown that they want to do what's right when they do mess up.

Do I think they have room to grow? Yeah, absolutely. But I don't think they secretly hate women or are exploiting us. ((no matter what Hannah is saying now, they have had many close female friends for quite a while--Puffy, Sylvee, Gia--and I feel like those people wouldn't have stuck around if they were shitty to women constantly when off camera))

I don't think this incident with Caiti is just another in a long line of dubious consent situations (not that I can know). If I thought they were doing this behind the scenes all the time, I'd nope out. I'm hoping that they can take this as a learning moment and find greater nuance in consent. We are always learning and Dream, the most, has always shown he's willing to take criticism and realize why something was wrong and not do it again. We've seen this from George too when he apologized for old screen shots with slurs. They aren't perfect, none of us are, but I have hope that they'll move forward with a clearer idea.

To be quite honest, I have seen the conversations around consent morph in my lifetime. It's a wonderful thing to see women speaking up and being believed and consequences coming down on men when, historically, that has almost never been the case. We need to keep having these conversations and reinforcing the line, no matter how uncomfortable it can be.

As far as dream team not caring about their audience, I can't really disagree with that right now lol. I certainly don't really feel cared for, but I'm here more for my friends now at this point.

Keep thinking through what this means for you and how you want to move forward for yourself. there's nothing wrong with putting them down for a while. I see a trend of former fans burning the ground as they leave, but like, you can just leave or take a little hiatus from dreamteam, and that's absolutely fine! You can always change your mind and come back, or you can find something else and get super invested in that. No one is going to track what you're doing and judge you, I promise.

As far as content to help you through depression, I can't recommend Brittany Broski and Trixie and Katya enough. I've been listening to Trixie and Katya's Podcast, the Bald and the Beautiful, for my long commutes and they keep me laughing. I'd start with their "Unhhh" youtube series though because it's..... Hilarious

Sorry this got so long. Classic Scoops

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thestrangestthing89 · 2 years ago

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Prediction time - I feel like the kids friend group might drift apart a bit post time jump. The boys fight a lot when things get stressful and I'd be surprised if we didn't see them butting heads trying to figure out how to save Max.

S1 - Mike and Lucas fight about the best way to find Will. Mike believes the crazy theory he's still alive and that El is their best way of finding him. Lucas believes a more logical approach and doesn't want El involved because he doesn't trust her. He goes to the lab by himself and finds out valuable information the group needs even though Mike was technically right. Lucas and Mike both have leadership skills but they go about using those skills in different ways which is why we see them fighting here. Dustin is in the middle of this fight and tries to get Mike and Lucas to apologize to each other. They eventually do and everything is resolved. S2 - Lucas and Dustin fight about D'art and Max. Lucas told Max everything that was going on with Will even though he wasn't supposed to. Dustin kept D'art even after he learned he was dangerous. They both did something wrong here and fight about it but it's quickly resolved. This season, Mike and Will spend very little time with Lucas and Dustin. Mike is worried about Will and is with him through most of the season. Lucas and Dustin don't seem to be bothered by this or find it weird that Mike and Will are off together. Neither of them attempts to go to Will's house to check on him. So from this it seems like Mike and Will go off together alone sometimes. It wasn't out of the ordinary for them to be together without Lucas and Dustin and they don't try to intervene. S3 - Lucas and Mike are pretending to be adults and think they are grown up because they have girlfriends. This leads to a fight between them and Will - especially with Mike and Will. Both of them apologize to Will later and realize they took things too far. Mike had a worse fight with Will over this and it's clear he spends time thinking about this. Will calls him out for not knowing what Dustin is up to and Mike attempts to help Dustin and reconnect with him at the end of the season. We also see Mike and Dustin together in S4. Not to mention that when Mike is apologizing to Will in Lenora, he references the fight here. He acknowledges he spent too much time with El and he regrets what it did to his friendship with Will. Will was right to call him out here and Mike pretty much says this. Dustin during this time is with Steve, Robin, and Erica. He's upset that his friends aren't hanging out with him at first and expresses this to Steve. But they are quickly distracted by finding the Russians and he seems less bothered by this once that happens. S4 - Mike and Dustin are playing D&D again but Lucas is still not interested. He has basketball now and it's unclear if he was only playing because he didn't want to be bullied or if he actually liked playing. It could be both and he is shown to be good at this. He drifted away from the group a bit but he's shown to be regretful of this and seems to genuinely miss his friends. Mike is less concerned about being nerdy than he was in S3 but there are few things that stick out here. Mike's room and basement are a mess and this is out of character. Along with the fact that Dustin seems closer to Eddie than Mike is. This makes it seem like Mike isn't really socializing much. There have been many hints of him having depression in the past so it would make sense to me if he was just going to school and D&D and not doing much else. Which would lead Dustin to be on his own and hanging out with Eddie more. Karen also makes a comment to Dustin about how he's welcome at their house anytime and this line sticks out. If Dustin had been hanging out there like he always has, why would she feel the need to say this? She also makes a comment about how she likes seeing them all together and it seems like this hasn't happened in a while.

Mike and Will reconnect their friendship in Lenora but they still have some things to talk about. They get into a fight at the skating rink and this fight is about how much they missed each other. They are both upset the other person didn't reach out more. They spoke on the phone a few times but didn't write each other letters. They resolve this fight but are still holding back with each other. It isn't confirmed if Lucas and Dustin were writing Will letters after he moved but I would assume they did at least occasionally. The boys don't exactly have a fight in this season but it's clear they aren't really on the same page and they are each dealing with their own things. They seem to be drifting apart more than fighting. The past couple of years are starting to catch up to them.

Which leads me to where they could end up in S5. Things are tense and stressful with regard to Max, the situation in Hawkins, and Eddie dying. Tense situations in the past have led to the boys fighting. I think Eddie's death will impact Dustin more than Mike. Not that Mike won't be upset but like I said above, I don't think Mike was very close to him. This could lead Dustin to break off with the group a bit. I can see him post time jump either not wanting to play D&D at all or taking up Hellfire in honor of Eddie. Lucas will be focused on Max and of course everyone will be trying to help. But like we've seen before, they tend to have different approaches to handling problems. I can see him bonding with El over this more. Will is connected to this problem somehow. He is seeing a vision of what Hawkins will be like in the future. I really like the theory that it's both Mike and Will having this vision. Either way though, if Will feels like he knows a different way to save Max I don't see Mike going against this. He will support him. Which would end up leading to another situation where Mike and Will are off doing their own thing and Lucas and Dustin on the other side and the groups eventually meeting in the middle. I do think they will be able to work together to save Max, but I also think they've been drifting apart for a while now. It's possible that they can work together but don't exactly end up completely reuniting like we've seen. If Mike has been separating himself from the group for months, I can see this causing some tension with Dustin and Lucas. It's been shown (both in S2 and I think there was a book that also stated this) that Mike has an attitude when he's depressed. He's similar to Max in this way where they both isolate themselves and lash out at the people around them. So I can see Lucas and Dustin pulling away a bit from him in the same way they did with Max (they thought she needed space). Only Lucas is now more focused on helping Max and it's possible him and Dustin just don't make the connection between something being wrong with Mike too. Lucas didn't understand what was going on with Max right away. We are seeing Will start to notice Mike isn't okay though - he is worried about the messy room comment and I think he will start to put together some things about El and Mike's relationship. I can see Will being upset that no one was taking care of Mike. Will is really the only one who sees him. This combined with the painting reveal that would have to happen early, would end up leading to Byler happening before the time jump. But it's possible that Lucas and Dustin don't find out about them until after. After the time jump, it's possible that Mike and Will would be hanging out with Robin and Vicky more but I can also see them hanging out with El and Max. Max and Mike in particular could help each other a lot and El and Will could start to form more of a sibling bond. I think if this is the case the girls might end up in the middle of the drift apart between the boys. I think Mike and Will would also end up closer to Nancy, Jonathan, and Argyle once this happens too. Depending on the situation with them and college, I find it plausible that Mike and Will would visit them and get a better sense of what life could be like for them outside of Hawkins. That being said, I think the boys will come back together and work things out by the end of the season. It would be nice to see the 4 of them playing D&D again. But we haven't seen that since season 1 so I'm not positive it will fit in here. We really haven't seen this being a thing they've bonded over. I think Mike and Will would continue to play but with just the two of them. I always thought D&D was meant to represent their relationship more than it was the boys friendship. But I do think they will end the series with them all being friends again even if it is likely they end up going their separate ways outside of Hawkins.

#byler #mike wheeler #will byers #stranger things #gay mike wheeler #stranger things analysis

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