#i apologise i usually dont act like this

[virovirokun-has-adhd]

@mayday-mayd4y BUTCH WOLVERINE 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Butcherine

[iisasarcasticlittleshite]

Heyy bbg 😩

How was ur dayyy, mine was ok i went shopping 😘

Whats ur favorite colorrr, i like blue 😝

How would the boyz react to breaking the bedframe during sum rough... activities 😉😏😩😳

Dont forgor to drink water and get atleast 6 hrs of sleep pls 🥺

Heyyy! I am so sorry this took me so long to start on, I went a little MIA there, lol. So of course my first post of 2024 is OM smut lol Happy 2024 everyone! Now, on to the hcs! Mature content below the cut. Warnings for Levi's section, implied monster f*ck*ng, very slight.

Lucifer

This bastard makes no secret of how proud he is to make a mess of MC.

His reaction depends on the position, if the bedframe cracks while he is on top, then he makes sure MC's safe before continuing elsewhere.

MC's barely had time to comprehend that the bedframe gave way underneath them before Lucifer is scooping them up and resuming their activities on his desk or against the wall.

"Lucifer, did we-?"

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it, my darling. Now, sing for me~"

But. If that bed breaks while MC's on top? That is a very different story.

"Look at you, taking me so well even the bed can't take it~"

"Go on, love, do it again."

Demon does not give a shit, clasps MC's thighs and holds them up while he thrusts up to meet their hips.

He may act mildly displeased at having to buy a new bed, but that aura of pure pride rolling off him the next day is fooling no one.

Mammon

Let's face it, he's so sex-drunk he probably didn't notice. He's too busy overstimming himself to the point of tears, pretty noises pouring from his kiss-bitten lips with shameless abandon.

He's the Avatar of Greed after all, and here is his greatest treasure, all naked and pretty for the taking, giving him everything he could ever want. Why in nine circles of hell would he stop?

He'll fuck until the mattress hits the ground, or until MC tells him to stop, because he always retains enough of himself to keep them safe.

Once they're done and laying on a skewed wreck of a bed, sweat colling on their skin, that's when Mammon finally notices.

"Hey...what happened to the bed?"

MC chuckled, pressing a kiss to his brow. "You happened, baby."

His cheeks turned pink and he hid his face in their neck as though he could hide the blush from them. MC felt him grinning against their skin, until the reality struck him.

"How the fuck am I gonna explain this to Lucifer?"

Leviathan

He also wouldn't notice, but not for the reason you might think.

Usually, Levi is a very sweet lover, tends toward the submissive side and lets MC set the pace.

However...

For their lovemaking to get to the point of breaking anything, it's because Levi has gone absolutely feral.

I'm talking more demon than anything else, growling and snarling instead of whimpered, sweet moans tumbling from his lips.

You'd better believe he'll break the bed, the only thing that will stop him is MC, and if they choose not to...

He'll break a lot more than the bed.

Satan

Believe it or not, I don't actually see this happening with Satan.

He's so cautious of his wrath around MC in the bedroom that I'm no so sure he'd even be comfortable playing rough.

The most that happens with him is toppling a pile of books or something. Once, he accidently knocked into a shelf and used himself as a meat shield for MC as the avalanche came down.

That made for an awkward evening when poor Beel come to the rescue.

Asmodeus

Let's face it, if he did it, it was on purpose.

Asmodeus knows exactly what he's doing when it comes to MC's pleasure, knows exactly how to make them writhe just so that it was actually the human who let magic slip in their daze and cracked the bedpost.

The Avatar of Lust chuckled against their sex, his head buried between their thighs and his eyes alight with pure sin. "What else can I make you break, lovie?"

"S-sorry..."

"Oh no sweetheart, don't apologise. Let me see how much more I can make you sing for me~"

[princessbrunette]

would bountyhunter!rafe ever comfort you when you’re crying about missing home?

i feel like he’d be weirded out the first couple times but eventually it’d be normal for you to fall asleep in his arms

｡•┈🎀┈• ｡ﾟ

yeah, he acts all reluctant about it but he’s not totally emotionless or anything. there is a weight of guilt on his chest when he sees you all curled up by the window at the shitty little motel the two of you were holed up in. he’d been out to get a bottle of whisky — treating himself after all the strife he’d been putting himself through with this whole bounty hunting thing.

as soon as he arrives back into the room you jump up, like you’re scared of being caught crying. quickly, you paw at your eyes — sniffing up as much snot as you can as you face him nervously, swaying on your feet with wide eyes like you were expecting him to be furious with you. he slows his pace, eyeing you over.

“you were crying?” he asks as if it’s not obvious and you look away, swiping beneath your eye once more.

“jus’ had something in my eye.” you croak, heart pounding with the realisation that lying might just get you in more trouble. “dont be mad.” you utter quietly like a prayer.

“i’m not—” he realises he projected his voice just a tad too loud because you tense up, and he sighs— pushing his floppy hair out of his face. “i’m not mad. i just want to know why. was — was it me? did i say some dumb shit?” he approaches you carefully, holding his hands up when you cower slightly to show he comes in peace.

“no.” you shake your head quickly. the last thing you wanted to do was accuse him of anything, grateful of the fact he’d somewhat treated you fairly despite being the one to steal you from your land. “i… i feel homesick. i miss my father… and i miss the barn, and my sheep, and all my chickens. i miss my horse and the cows. i’m so far from home.” you stare out the window, fat droplets wobbling on the precipice of your eye.

rafe sighs, scratching at his cheek awkwardly — unsure of what he’s supposed to say. after all you were homesick because of him. he wasn’t supposed to like you, nor were you particularly supposed to like him — but there had been moments of comfort you’d found in eachother, oddly enough — and now he had really grown attached to you, debating marrying you to keep you for himself.

“yeah…” he drawls, nodding and staring at the back of you for a moment as he perches on the edge of the bed. “shit, look— c’mere.” he beckons, and you do so. you suppose you’re just being obedient to stay out of trouble, but it was undeniable that you craved his comfort. craved him.

he pulls you to sit on his leg, a hand supporting your back. “suppose i should apologise for all… this. i— i didn’t wanna have to take anyone okay it’s… its just my dad is a very powerful man. my whole life i’ve been second best to my sister and… i wanted to show him that i could do what he does. now i’ve done the job and — and it has these real life consequences and i don’t enjoy that trust me, but… what’s done is done. i’ve got you now. i… will get you a new barn. a better one. with more sheep and cows and shit. alright?”

maybe you were too empathetic, because in that moment for the first time you felt kind of sorry for rafe. he wasn’t as big and scary as he usually was. he actually seemed kind of lonely, and insecure. it wouldn’t undo the hurt he’s caused, the fact that it was very unlikely you’d see your father again — but it brought you some comfort to know you were hurting together. you sniffle, nodding in understanding and he sighs again, pulling you into him. “c’mon. stop that.” he jogs his leg a little, comforting you like you were a baby, the only way he knew how.

｡•┈🎀┈• ｡ﾟ

[j1mmys-darl1ng]

.ೃ࿐coffee orders.ೃ࿐

pairing : luke cooper x reader

Content : fluff

A/n : sorry for disappearing 😓 ive been slightly busy and havent had any ideas. I would normally stick to only ahs or twd fics but i finished the office for the billionth time and wanted to make a luke one

Not proofread!

It was a usual day in the office, everyone around you picking up phonecalls and mindlessly typing away on their keyboards. You however weren't doing either, extremely groggy from the stormy morning and the fact that the coffee was also late didnt help due to it being the only source of energy you can get right now.

After a few minutes of continuously glancing at the door, Luke finally arrives.

"coffee monkeys here." He sighs, holding a couple trays of coffee. Everyone swarms around him like bees, groans of disappointment and frustrated complaints erupting from the huddle as everyone finds out their orders are wrong.

You slowly emerge from your chair, having a strong feeling that yours is gonna be just like everyone elses. As you take your coffee out of its tray and put it up to your lips, you notice Luke glances over at you with a small smirk, observing your moves. Why is he doing that?

Everyone starts to retreat back to their desks as you take a sip. Your eyes imediately meet his, a twinge of suprise hidden in your eyes as the taste is exactly what you asked for.

"Dont let anyone know.. They might uh... Scold me for it" He says with a small chuckle and an awkward smile.

"Holy shit, how did you remember? This is exactly what i asked for!" A small smile gracing your lips, a rare sight that barely anyone in the workplace sees.

"Yours is just a simple order, easier to remember than others" You can see how nonchalant hes trying to act, the proximity between the two of you closer than realised.

"Thank you! Im so happy i could probably kiss you or something!" It was a small gesture he had done but after the morning you had, this had made it so much better. You hadn't fully realised what you said but luke definitely did, his cheeks flushed a pink colour.

"Uh.. What?" He mumbles, making you realise what you said.

"s-.. sorry uhm... that uh... Slipped out" You cant help but feel extremely embarrassed.. But you sure weren't gonna take your words back. Despite how annoying luke sometimes is, your feelings for him are obvious to everyone in the office but him. Wether your sneaking glances at him or how your body language changes while talking to him, everyone always notices.

"oh.. Ok" His eyes avoiding yours, his tone almost.. Disappointed?

A/n: ending on a slight cliffhanger, if this does well then ill possibly write a pt2! Kinda rushed it so i apologise for poor Writing!

Thank you for reading! <3

[remuslupinbutcooler]

Puppy love

You awoke, to a less pleasant sight to what you had fallen asleep to. Marko and Paul were fighting , not their usual playful fighting , this time it seemed too real.

“No you fuckwit, i’m telling you that i’m gonna be her first .” Paul had Marko in a headlock, markos body kicking and grasping at Paul.

“No no no, she’s mine . I wanna be her first..” Marko was clawing him , almost like a cat.

“Boys boys.. We’ll each get a turn… Does it really matter who’s her first ? i’d rather be her last than-“

“YES IT MATTERS.” The terror twins soon let go of each other before whining like small children.

“First what?” You had finally spoken up, curious and confused.

The boys soon noticed you, before any could speak up , Dwaynes arms cradled around you . Pulling you closer into him.

“Hi sweet thing “ He planted small kisses around your body , “ ignore them… they’re just being stupid..” His hands held you in a way that felt unfamiliar but comforting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The board walk was full, too crowded for your little mind to deal with . The boys had noticed your fidgets , small sighs and shakes amongst the group .

Dwayne’s hand lay against your hip, his fingers moving against it slightly . Markos hand lay on the small of your back, while his other hand lay on top of a now angry Paul. Paul and David were arguing, another thing that didn’t help to your anxieties.

“Paul, she wants to go home.. you can feed later . Let’s just get our-“

“Our ? I’m not-“

“Y/N, baby, this ain’t the time. We’ll talk about it later ? hm?”

“I wanna talk about it now.”

“You’re anxious, you dont.”

“I do. So just tell me , waking up was strange and now you’re acting all skittish.” You were on edge .

“We can’t really explain..I know someone who can but-“

“Then take me there.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Max , Y/n…. Y/n…Max… “ David sighed before pushing you infront of the male.

“Oh… how lovely to finally meet you..” Max smiled , “ David said you’re here because of something?”

“That’s right Sir..”

“ You’re aware you’re turned right ?”

“Yes sir .”

“ Are you aware of mates ?”

“mates ?”

“Oh..I see the problem.. so you know how animals have mates , bats and such…”

“Ummm…sure..?” You were confused , your head tilted slightly while your hands flapped slightly and slowly within your sleeves.

“Okay so vampires have mates too and um…” He took a shaky breath before turning away, “ it seems that your the boys mate..”

“which one of the boys’ am I?” You didn’t mind whoever , they were each beautiful in their own way.

David laughed, “ Doll.. he meant.. uh.. all of us . We’re yours and your ours baby..”

……..

i apologise if this seemed rushed , i just felt bad about taking a break and writing actually helps me out so much so i’ll continue writing but my posting may be slow !! thank you

[bountycancelled]

dirty secret

coriolanus snow x reader

tip me on kofi

requested: nope, I pulled this out of my ass, but if you want more coryo stuff lemme know 😜

warnings: suggestive content, coriolanus snow (derogatory), speaking of derogatory, snow has a degrading kink in this so yeah, mentions of cockstepping, faceslapping, just... be prepared

content: im p sure i dont mention readers gender but pls correct me if you catch anything, hella ooc snow (like, this dude would never act like this but I'm a writer which means I can make him do whatever I want), readers a bitch but snow likes it, sub!coryo, lowercase intended because fuck grammar, unedited

smut under the cut♡

a/n: give me more submissive coriolanus you cowards (I'm kidding ur not cowards but pretty please write this man begging for mommy to let him cum or whatever, not for me, I swear.) also, this is my first time writing full smut like ever so, idek what came over and I wanna apologise😭😭

here me out, academic rival!coryo with a little secret...

the two of share a friend, for lack of a more fitting term, in clemesia, and find yourselves in each others presence often as a result of the fact. and this would be good and well, if the two of you didn't despise each other down to the bone.

besides the fact that the two of you felt the need to prove yourselves due to differing circumstances, you both also shared an insatiable need for power, the kind that could only be obtained by being the very best at the academy.

it was almost comical how much you wanted to beat each other, and this rivalry bled into your non academic interactions, making them just as sour.

coriolanus found genuine enjoyment in getting under your skin, and you retaliating only made him want to poke at you more, which led to you retaliating once again, and so on and so forth.

as time passed, you'd somehow found yourself tolerating snow, even going as far as to enjoy your occasional back and forths with each other when you were the only two in the library, sitting at same desk even though you didn't need to (coriolanus insisted on planting himself directly across from you just to be a nuisance, and it worked.)

your banter turned more and more friendly, confusing your peers as you walked side by side, your arm linked with his as you bragged about receiving a higher score than him on a test, to which he just responded that you had gotten lucky and that it wouldn't happen again.

you didn't turn completely soft though, your insults were still as sharp as ever, even though you now said them with a playful smirk. they were cruel, and always seemed to send coriolanus into a spiral as he attempted to get the last word in, which he never did, always waving the white flag at the end.

you had always held that over his head, the fact that you could always best him in a verbal battle, on top of beating him in assignments and the like. but what you didn't know was that you were mistaken.

coriolanus didn't always relent because you were better at verbal lashings (which you were, but that's besides the point), he always stopped egging you on before your words escalated because if he let you degrade him any further, he wouldn't be able to hide how much he liked it.

he was almost shameless, as if he wanted you to know just how much you turned him on during you spats with him. like today for example, where you had been particularly harsh to him, even going as far as calling him useless. it wasn't his fault, someone had pissed you off before you had met up with him in the library and you were more agitated than usual.

he excused himself to the bathroom shortly after, and you found yourself wondering if what you said had affected him so heavily that he needed to get away from you.

oh, it affected him alright. he thanked the universe that 1) something had happened to make you as harsh as you were and 2) that the bathroom he entered was completely empty because he knew that he would have a bit of trouble keeping himself quiet.

he had barely made it to a stall and closed the door before palming himself through his pants, shudders moving through his whole body as his hips canted to meet his hand.

a whine tore through his throat as he imagined you catching him like this, and he quickly unbuckled his belt and slipped his hand in his underwear, stroking his dick firmly at the image.

you would probably laugh at him, dishing out every degrading name you could think of, calling him a dirty slut, saying that he was disgusting pervert for being so turned on at you being mean to him. and he would nod his head vigorously, because he was a slut, only for you.

maybe you would slap him across the face, leaving him with red cheeks, or maybe you would step on his poor weeping cock until he came on your shoe. would you make him clean it off? god, help him if you did.

his hips stuttered at the thought of eating his own cum, it was just so dirty and the fact that a simple look from you could turn him into such a depraved shell of the image that he excuded in his day to day was enough to send him over the edge.

he came with a groan, his hips not ceasing their thrusting into his fist until every last drop was out. as he cleaned himself up, fixing his uniform in the mirror, he wondered if maybe, just maybe, you knew what you were doing to him. and if the look you gave him when he came back, timidly taking his seat, it seemed that you had some idea.

"you know, I think you need to punished for what you just did, coryo. for what you've been doing. do you like the sound of that, hmm?"

and if the way the cock pulsed in his pants, already hard again was any indication, he loved the sound of that.

[helloanthy]

thoughts on the utena fandom . any particular takes or what have u that rub u the wrong way

answering this fast and dirty bc i hav a headache. so i apologise if its not worded well. i dont really interact with fandom anymore so i dont get deep into it, but the hate one of my favourite utena fanartists got for his transmasc utenanthy au was so stupid. i get why some people wouldnt like it because so rarely is there popular sapphic or female focused media they feel protective over it. i understand ! genderbends can be greatly uncomfortable as well, ive felt this way too. thats fine! dont like it! but acting like utena is a girls only ! lesbian supremacy [unironic] anime, saying drawing those things are wrong acting high and mighty trying to gatekeep it from other genders is so ... lmao. the arguments iv seen against it border on terf rhetoric and those people dont udnerstand revolutionary girl utena as much as they think they do. "write me an essay before you put xyz in the sword pull pose" you havent even passed the class yet you want us to write you an essay? like a high schooler who took a psych 101 positioning themselves as the authority on psychoanalytical theory i guarantee i could make your ignorant ass cry if you tried to get into a debate with me over utena's themes on gender, but usually i imagine these people are like 13 years old with miki kaoru adjacent levels of ignorant self righteousness and therefore dont know what the fuck theyr talking about even if their bio says 25 to maintain my own piece of mind in the face of the audacity and stupidity

[writing-like-a-whore]

nagi seishiro

“we’re not gonna be friends.”

nagi seishiro x gn!reader, college au, friends to lovers, no warnings i think

nagi was perceived as the brooding type, but he wasnt, he simply didn’t care about anything. he never cared for anything, he never had the energy to care for or about anything. he just lived in the world of his videogames and bluelock.

all this came to a change when he went to college (because he had to and was encouraged by ego) and he found you. you were a lot like him, lifeless, not energetic but unlike the football star you were invisible and certainly not a genius.

your friendship with him also started rather uneventfully, you both would sit at the corner, your heart racing even tho your face always looked ahead at the board, and one day while leaving the professor gave a surprise essay and you both groaned at the same time. from there nagi would usually say hi and talk to you before, during and after class. he’d take your phone and take selfies often, which were usually just lazy smiles at the camera so that you wouldnt ‘miss him.’ he said that he’d be offended if you deleted them and to that you said you didnt care.

however in a matter of few months, you realised you started to like him a little too much, non platonic. you had a terrible experience with liking a friend before so you decided you needed to distract yourself. you engrossed yourself in work, avoided his texts and said you were busy working but you couldnt avoid him when he started showing up to class more because you two didnt have time together or when he followed you around till your dorm room to drop you off.

you decided the next best thing to confessing was finding a rebound. and you did, very easily actually because just when you were about to run away from the cafeteria to avoid nagi you bump into one of your classmates. he makes idle small talk with you and then after a few minutes of talking asks you to come see his theatre show. you say yes.

when you told nagi that you wouldn’t be able to attend his football practice because you alr promised your classmate he was hurt. he’d never felt this dejected. he asked you where he could find you after the game you hesitated in telling him. he gave you an ever so faint expression of shock when you told him you were going to meet the guy at the theatre. he said good luck and went away.

you did feel horrible for letting him off like that but you needed to protect yourself. you try to lose yourself in the play, which was rather boring but the acting of your date was somewhat better. once over, you go to meet him backstage and wait for him to change his clothes. you both walk outside and pretend to laugh at something he said. you both stop before your car and the guy slowly leans in to kiss you, giving you a chance to escape, you almost did but his friends came out and startled you two. he rubs his neck as he apologises, the crew had to go party in celebration. you give him a sweet smile and say goodbye.

you hear a familiar voice call out your name. it was nagi. his hair is wet and his eyes seem tired from playing. reo is with him too, he greets you hello. “nagi scored seven goals today, he said it was someone’s favourite number.” yours. but reo doesnt notice the glances between you and nagi because he’s too busy beaming with pride. reo’s phone rings and he says he had to leave. nagi asks if you could drop him home and it would be taking things too far if you said no.

in the car nagi says to you, “i never liked the theatres and cinemas,” you nod but dont say anything, you knew it was a snarky comment about your date. he breaks the silence again saying, “do you not have better options?” you are a little taken aback when you say “what do you mean?” he fidgets with his hoodie’s strings and says “to kiss.” its a good thing that the red light masks you pressing brakes suddenly. you chuckle and say “i really dont.”

he looks at you with his usual confusion, “what about me then?” you keep your gaze at the red light timer. “we’re friends.” he sighs as he looks ahead too now, “i dont wanna be just friends.”

the honking from behind gets you out of your hypnosis. nagi just practically confessed to you, you think as you drive. he calls your name out again, “can you say something?” you stop at the next turn. “ive been avoiding you like the plague because i like you, nagi.” he looks at you, puzzled. “seems like a good strategy.” you laugh and say, “no its just that ive ruined a good friendship before because i liked them and i dont want that to happen between us.” he put his hand over yours, “dont worry about the future thats not even here yet. tell me if you like me now.” you take a deep inhale and say yes. “okay good.” he leans in a little more and his hands turn your head so you can look at him, “can i kiss you?” you say nothing, rather you grab the collar of his hoodie as you kiss him.

your world seemed to crash and rebuild itself around you two the moment you two embrace each other. he looks at you smiles. you both sit in the car a little more when he says he needs to leave. you almost protests but he says, “just look at my selfies if you miss me.” you raise an eyebrow and say, “what if i deleted them?” he says as he walks away, “you would never.”

[evansbby]

OK so here is my dilemma

Basically everyone here knows that I’m really sad that I don’t have a boyfriend and have honestly never had a real true serious boyfriend.

And I always discuss this with my friends because I’m trying to figure out WHY like is there something wrong with me??? Am I seriously unattractive to men??

So I asked my friend and she obviously was like “no you’re hot” but she’s my friend so ofc she will say that. But then she asked two men she’s friends with, whilst I wasn’t there, and they said (about me) “No she’s hot but we’d be scared to ask her out because we know she’d say no.”

Which like… yeah OK I would say no to them because they’re lowkey not good looking BUTTTT WHAT THE FUCK??? And another one of my friends also told me this, she said men are not asking me out because hot girls are too unapproachable and men can’t stand being rejected and embarrassed in this day and age.

And another one of my friends HAS told me to be more open-minded and lower my standards but I just can’t you guys. Because unlike my friends, I grew up literally so IMMERSED in the world of fanfictions and the perfect man that I’m still just waiting for that to happen in real life 🥺

Anyways back to me being unapproachable. Maybe this is true because I remember once a guy told me verbatim: “you look like a total bitch and that’s hot” AND even that at the time lowkey hurt my feelings bc wdym BITCH?!? I am not a bitch!

But lately I’ve been thinking… I can’t help the character I am outwardly. Because I used to be so shy back in school and because of that people used to be so condescending to me. Fast forward now and I find that I’m super confident ON THE OUTSIDE bc we all know confidence is lowkey just an act. But anyways I’m acting confident to the point where people are intimidated by me 😭 not everyone, but a few people I can just tell they are.

Like once I remember back when I was a waitress, one of my coworkers was sat where I usually sit during lunch (but anyone can sit there) and she saw me coming and literally GASPED and apologised and moved 😭😭 LIKE??? Ofc I told her girl pls sit back down it’s not my seat!! But wtf!!! IS THIS HOW PEOPLE SEE ME!

Similarly recently in my current job, one of the girls was sitting where I usually sit and when she saw me coming she also apologised and moved 😭😭 despite the fact that anyone is allowed to sit anywhere 😂😭

ANYWAYS my point is… DO MEN THINK I AM STUCK UP?? I assure you I’m not but idk how to make THEM understand that???

And OK this is weird but my friend said to me “I’m not as pretty as you but guys go for me because I let them know I’m interested” and ok first of all she did not have to put herself down like that!!! I hate when people put themselves down but also… I AM SO SCARED OF REJECTION THAT I DONT KNOW HOW TO LET THEM KNOW I AM INTERESTED!

I feel like I’m rambling at this point but my point is… have I just built up this whole confidence around myself and now it’s come back to bite me in the ass because no man even tries to approach me now???

And before anyone accuses me of being vain, I am now trying out this thing where I don’t say anything self deprecating about my looks because it doesn’t do anyone any good to say those things. Also I work very hard on my appearance, I put in a lot of effort every day. And I’ve gone through my whole life thinking I wasn’t pretty, wanting to be white back in school because that was the beauty standard and the boys only seemed to find the white girls pretty. So yes now I will say that yes I do think I’m pretty because honestly realistically… yes I am.

BUT THE POINT IS THAT have I built up my confidence so much that now men are too intimidated or scared to ask me out??? If so what do I do??! I don’t want to change myself but how do I make myself more approachable??? I’ve already asked my friends but I need to ask more people. I wish I had guy friends to ask but I do not LMFAO. SO TELL ME WHAT IS THE SOLUTION

[stevenblueniverse]

Bellow selkie au Chapter 8!

I told you I'd be posting these more!

Chapter 8 sister pink

The sun shining in through the old curtained windows woke yellow up, it was still quite early and yellow hadn't slept much, she fell asleep very late too. Blue diamond was still sleeping and tightly holding onto her, she was still completely naked. " I need to tell her to stop this", yellow thought, trying to gently move blue off her and looking away from her body, "She's so innocent, maybe I'm the one in the wrong for how she makes me feel..", yellow pulled the bedsheets over blue's body, got some clothes and got dressed in the bathroom, blue's white coat was still sitting on the bed, untouched.

Yellow looked at herself in the bathroom mirror, it was very dusty and old, you could barely see any details with it, "whats wrong with me", she thought to herself as she buttoned up her white dress shirt, "I'm so disgusting for how I feel about the selkie, she must never know about this or she'll think I'm just like the human who took away her sister". Yellow got dressed and opened the bathroom door, she was wearing black pants that where slightly too long for her and her long black jacket, blue was now awake and looking over at her, still laying in the bed with the covers over her.

"Good morning, yellow", blue greeted her, reaching over to get her coat, she got up from the bed and put it one while making eye contact with yellow. "Blue...", yellow spoke, becoming quite nervous, "yes?", yellow didn't know how to say this without embarrassing the selkie or feeling like a horrible pervert, "y-you know what you did last night was very uncommon for humans, not just the fact you where naked but you where so.....touchy.", yellow didn't know how to phrase this at all, she was really struggling, "Usually only humans in romantic relationships do that to eacother", sweat started to run down her face, talking about it just made her even more embarrassed, blue just nodded.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I needed to prove my trust, I didn't know no other way, did you not like it? Was it wrong?", blue apologised, "I'm so sorry, why did I do that, I needed to prove how much I trusted you somehow!", "no its okay! Just forget it ever happened, I feel awful for even telling you its wrong it's my fault you didn't know any better!", yellow tried to reassure blue but it didn't work, she felt awful. "How is it your fault!? It's mine I'm here on human land and I can't even understand how you humans act! I've done something so wrong and horrible haven't I? Please don't act nice with me! Tell me the full extent of how wrong it was! ILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN!", blue was starting to become emotional and it made yellow feel even more guilt, "no blue I should be the one apologising! I was the one who saw it as romantic I was the one who had such wrong feel-", "DONT APOLOGISE FOR ANYTHING YELLOW!", blue bowed her head and started to cry, "how will i ever be able to get my sister back if I can't underhand you humans? I'll just fail and they'll know who I am, what I am", blue covered her face and started to cry more and more.

"Please don't cry, blue", yellow said, moving blues hands from her face, tears still pouring out, "I'll help you, I'll teach you everything, don't worry", yellow smiled back at her, she gently wiped away blue's tears, feeling her soft skin once again, "I'll help you get your sister back, that's why we are here! I'll do it for you", blue rubbed her face with her sleeves and loudly sniffled, "t-thank you so much yellow", she hugged yellow again, this time much less awkward as she was wearing her coat. "I'll do anything for you blue, I'll get your sister back as soon as possible, I'll find her coat and she can return to the sea with you", as yellow spoke she became worried her real feelings for blue would start to slip out.

"It will be very difficult though, you've seen her husband, he has a lot of control over her, that time when I was with her was the first time in years I've saw her.", blue said, letting go of yellow, "she looks so different now, she has a son too, maybe she is more used to the human life style now", "please have hope blue", yellow replied, taking a huge risk and moving her hand onto blue's, "I'll do it, as long as it makes you happy, I never want to see you cry like that again, tell me, what is your sister's name? I think I heard the man call her rose, I think I've seen her around here too, i'll probably be able to get more info on her", blue looked down to yellow's hand and moved her fingers inbetween hers, "her name was pink diamond now the humans call her rose", she said, a light sadness in her voice, yellow was taken off guard by her name but was more distracted by her and blue now holding hands.

"Did the humans change her name?", yellow asked, fearing it would make blue uncomfortable, "im not sure", blue replied, "maybe she never told that man her real name, as punishment for trapping her". Yellow looked down at her hand intertwined with blue's once again, trying to take deep breaths and controll the growing redness in her cheeks, " I hope one day you'll tell me your real name", she thought to herself

[hatsunevitu]

there’s something i’d like to share, and it’s this headcanon.

like. i have a whole kyman & weidi au about post-s21 heidi who’s trying to recover from her relationship with cartman and become the same kind, innocent and happy girl she was before. some of her friends (mostly wendy who hated heidi’s guts while her “cartman’s gf” arc but is actually quite caring and helpful for heidi seeing how she’s really willing to change) told her that in order to finally move on she has to apologise to kyle. she was feeling really guilty ‘cause of her behaviour… you know, telling kyle that antisemitic shit cartman has taught her and dumping him in s21e7. she never apologised to him properly and now she wanted to make a change.

so the au basically starts long time after heiman’s final breakup, when heidi finally has some strength to actually come up to kyle and apologise to him:

heidi: Hey, Kyle?

kyle, raising an eyebrow in surprise: Oh… Heidi?… I, um, didn’t expect to see you.

heidi: That’s… understandable. Listen, I just wanted to talk to you about something important. You’re not busy, are you?

kyle, looking back at kenny: No, no. Kenny, don’t you mind going to the class by yourself? I’ll talk to you later.

kenny, grinning and winking mockingly: (Sure, guys, take your time!)

kyle: …So, um, what did you want to discuss? Is it something about school?

heidi: No, no, it’s not. I, uh, I wanted to apologise to you. For how I acted before. You know, you really didn’t deserve this, Kyle. I was so mean to you when all you wanted was to make me feel better. It’s just… When I said all those horrible things that night, and when I made fun of you with Eri… with Cartman… I know you must hate me now, because I would hate me too if I were you. After all that time I spent feeling sorry for myself, making myself a victim instead of taking responsibility for my actions… I just wanted to let you know that I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was an awful person and I’m trying to change now.

kyle: Oh, wow. That’s nice to hear, but, Heidi, I never really hated you. I mean, you were dating Cartman, it’s only natural he spoiled and confused you and made you feel so much hatred and anger inside. I understand it and I really appreciate that you’re recovering now. Thanks for apologising!

heidi: You’re… you really are nice. No wonder he talked about you all the time, huh. …Well, um. I really have to go, but maybe if you don’t mind we could chat later. I’d really like to talk to you more.

kyle: Sure, Heidi! Maybe we can even hang out like friends, you know?

heidi, smiling brightly: Wow, that’d be great! Thanks again, Kyle! I’ll see you later then, I guess?

kyle: Yeah, see you, Heidi! It was nice talking to you!

and then kyle returns to kenny, who’s smiling knowingly and making inappropriate jokes:

kenny: So, how was it?

kyle: How was what?

kenny: Flirting with Cartman’s ex?

kyle: I didn’t flirt with her! She just apologised to me and told me she’d like to hang out sometimes.

kenny: U-huh, sure, dude. And that doesn’t seem kinda flirty to you?

kyle: I’m serious! It’s over, I dont feel anything for her and neither does she.

kenny: You kidding me? She was obviously hitting on you, Kyle! Oh, man, Cartman will be pissed off when he finds out!

kyle: You will not tell Cartman about this. And stop making this a big deal, get your own life already!

and the satisfaction and joy of finally getting a proper apology soon were replaced with irritation ‘cause kyle started to overthink things like he usually does. he started to think about heidi possibly having feelings for him while he really couldn’t feel the same so it kinda scared him. he didn’t want to hurt her or something by rejecting her, so he mostly tried to avoid her and acted really nervous around her. she tried to get closer with him, chat and something like that, but he only blushed and stuttered.

wendy having seen their interactions was quite annoyed. she wrongly assumed kyle had a crush on heidi and noticed with irritation that “this jerk can’t hide his feelings. he acts too much like he has something for you, heidi”. and heidi started to overthink too, ‘cause she really didn’t feel anything special for kyle and the possibility of having to reject him and break his heart again was just painful. so she started to avoid kyle too (‘cause they’re both stupid when it comes to dealing with other people’s emotions), making him even more convinced in her crushing on him.

so basically they avoid each other for like… at least a month before they finally have the talk.

kyle: Wait, Heidi!

heidi: Oh… hello, Kyle.

kyle: Heidi, listen to me carefully, I really need to tell you something. You’re a nice girl and I really, really like you–

heidi: (Oh, no…)

kyle: But I just can’t feel the same. I didn’t want to break your heart but Stan told me it’s only worse that I am giving you false hope, so, yeah… I am sorry, Heidi, you really are amazing, it’s just… uh…

heidi: Wait, what?

kyle: Please, just don’t start crying–

heidi: But you’re the one who’s in love with me! I was afraid to break your heart!

kyle: What? No, that’s nonsense! Kenny told me you were hitting on me.

heidi: Wendy told me you were hitting on me!

kyle: …So, wait, we don’t feel anything for each other?

heidi: I… guess so?

kyle: That’s… that’s a relief. I was so worried you’d be heartbroken.

heidi: Yeah, me too actually! But now we can hang out normally, without feeling awkward, right?

kyle, smiling: Sure we can!

and they really start to hang out and, moreover, i can see them becoming more like besties, you know… they hang out all the time and turns out they share a lot of hobbies together: they’re both history nerds, for example! but the main reason why they’re so similar is probably because they both suffer from sexuality crisis and internalised homophobia. they sure are gay & lesbian solidarity, huh. i’ve written a few words about heidi understanding she’s a lesbian here.

and we’re coming to a kyman part of story, because cartman is pissed off to see his ex and kyle getting along so well. everyone around him thinks it’s ‘cause he’s jealous and can’t just let heidi go, but the actual reason why he’s so frustrated is because of kyle spending so much time with a girl, lmao. he actually doesn’t really care about heidi anymore – though they are in fact kind of passively aggressive towards each other – but everyone else thinks otherwise. wendy gets really, really annoyed when cartman says something unpleasant about heidi and kyle spending their weekend together:

wendy: Will you stop bugging Heidi? She’s moved on, Cartman, get your own life and grow up already!

cartman, genuinely confused: Who the fuck cares about Heidi???

but not only wendy – kyle is the most surprised to see cartman getting so frustrated ‘cause of their friendship. he even tries to fight cartman after another unasked comment, genuinely not understanding why cartman is still so obsessed with him and heidi being friends (so oblivious lmao):

kyle: You said you don’t fucking care about Heidi anymore!!

cartman: I don’t!!!

kyle: Then why do you still go crazy when she spends her time with me?

cartman: …I’m just genuinely concerned for the poor girl. She has a risk of infection with jewish disease or something.

kyle: There’s no such thing as jewish disease, Fatass!!

and they continue arguing but cartman is distracted ‘cause he’s confused as hell and he keeps thinking why tf do i care and why do i hate seeing kyle with someone else wtf wtf wtf

and there’s like these scenes where cartman sneaks into kyle’s house and shows up at kyle’s room and then he sees kyle and heidi sitting on a bed together and laughing loudly at some nerdy documentary movie, and cartman gets all jelly and he glares at heidi like:

cartman: What is she doing here?

kyle: She’s watching a documentary with me. What are you doing in my room, Fatass?

so yeah basically that’s a slowburn about kyman and weidi and i can see candy&keidi brosistp so clearly.

TL;DR kyle is a confused homosexual heidi is a confused lesbian and they’re both oblivious af about their crushes :D

[sweetest-omens]

okay it’s been discussed a million times but I would like to talk AGAIN about the blocking/body language in the 0401 best man scene [wwdits] [long post]

okay first up, we open on nandor drying guillermo’s hair:

this comes directly after nandor jumping into the water after him to save his life with no hesitation. and then THIS. a complete 180 in their dynamic. right out of the gate all of the erosion of boundaries that was paced so gently in season 3 are completely shattered. but look at the body language!! nandor is still very physically distant. he dries guillermo’s hair with the tips of his fingers and then dumps the towel over his head.

next, we get a bouncy, tentative “how are we feeling?” from nandor

this is so funny to me because he’s standing there doing his little nervous hands, hovering close but still maintaining distance.

I’m gonna skip over the little water bit because it covers a lot of the same bases. devotion through acts of service, role reversal, blah blah blah. but I do want to point out that all of nandor’s devotional gestures are functionally useless (hair still wait, water full of god knows what etc.) but they serve literally only to reassure guillermo that they are an on equal(ish) footing.

okay after that we get the “will you be my best man at my wedding” ft this beautiful baby boy facial expression:

and then:

they are standing... so close. guillermo puts himself in nandor’s personal space by standing up on “you’re getting married!!” but then nandor comes into his personal space with a saucy little “dont be jealous”. I couldn’t quite capture nandor’s mirco-expression after guillermo says “I’m not” but it is RIDICULOUS. a split second of bitchy sulky baby that he very quickly covers up.

anyway. HUG DODGE

sure, nandor refusing guillermo’s physical affection is a gag throughout the series. but usually nandor calls it out verbally. this, he just avoids, and then...

straight across the room to give the camera this look. I know it doesn’t look like much here but it is a distinct, sheepish(?) glance to the camera, and then he looks away. he deliberately has his back to guillermo to hide a series of small flickers in his facial expression. [also just really noticing how beautiful his outfit is here *cher voice* can we get a little commotion for the dress?]

and then he reveals his reason for wanting to get married: he’s been lonely. now, I know this has also been a theme through the series, nandor being unlucky in love. but a marriage within the month is a big step. what’s changed? guillermo being absent in his life, that’s what! what’s going to fill the guillermo-shaped hole in his life? oh, a romantic partner! a wife! good thinking, nandor!

the thing is, I don’t think either of them have the will or the words to discuss the massive shift in their dynamic. they are trying frantically to express it, but failing at every turn (this is why the closer they get, the more physical fights they have). but I really, really want to talk about the way their emotional connection manifests in the blocking for this scene:

HELLO! the closeness of the best man declaration with them literally inches apart, followed by the chasm of emotional distance that nandor creates with the absent wife. and its actually guillermo that rounds to the other side of the coffin. I mean, guillermo is very vulnerable in this scene. he’s in nothing but a little robe, and dishevilled and nandor has just saved his life. but this is the only time he seeks protection for himself in the form of a physical barrier between them. (also it being a coffin, and the unfulfilled promise of vampirism that is the true barrier between them).

I know this has all been said a hundred times before. but I rewatched this scene and was struck by how big the emotions are and how they affect both characters physically. also I apologise endlessly for my shitty little screenshots idk how to gif. BUT please go back and rewatch the scene for all of nandor’s heartwrenching microexpressions. there’s one that the camera barely catches when he’s got his back to guillermo and it drives me insane let me see his whole FACE. anyway <3

[beedlemania]

Davy's very good at getting himself out of major trouble and consequences when he does something he shouldn't.

Sometimes, when Mike's scolding him, Davy will just look up at him with a quivering lip and big eyes that have tears filling in them and say he's sorry and Mike just melts and gives in and tells him it's okay and he's forgiven because he's a sucker for those puppy dog eyes.

And sometimes, Davy will get so distraught and apologize and either say "do you still love me?" or "you don't love me anymore" and then start sobbing and Mike always dies a little bit inside and ends up having to shush Davy and comfort him.

Although Davy usually is genuinely scared and nervous about getting in trouble when using these methods to escape consequences, he'll sometimes play the part because he knows the guys (particularly Mike) will usually give in and cuddle him. And although he doesn't usually avoid consequences, they're usually less severe.

Yes! He does NOT let those acting skills go to waste!! (He can’t lie for shit but the boy can act)

Hes got all the guys figured out and knows just how much tears he has to add to make it believable. If he gets into trouble all he has to do is give Peter a startled ‘I didnt mean to!’ look and not only is he off the hook but Peters also there to back him up against the others.

Micky and Mike depend on just how much trouble he’s in. For smaller stuff he just needs wet eyes, a pout, and a sniffle for good luck and they’re sighing and holding him and warning him not to do it again. If it’s a bigger problem they can both be surprisingly stern. Mike it makes sense, he’s become like Davy’s parental figure and ‘leader of the group. But Micky can also get very stern and wont let Davy blubber his way out of things. Thats when Davy has to bring out the guilting and give them the old “please dont hate me🥺🥺”

Sometimes he does mean it, he grew up in quite a strict house with his grandfather and is very used to being disciplined for things he didn’t mean like breaking a glass. (The first time Davy broke a glass in the Pad, he didn’t even know what regression was. But the second the glass shattered he felt 9 years old again and started crying and apologising and grabbing the shards with his bare hands to clean it up. The guys had to swoop in to make sure he didn’t cut himself and to reassure him he didn’t do anything wrong.) So sometimes when he’s regressing that comes back and he’s genuinely worried that they’ll be mad at him and not love him any more when he makes mistakes. But after a few genuine times he realises that it’s a good way to get out of things.

Mike gets too soft and always falls for it because even if Davy doesn’t really think he’s not loved any more, Mike couldn’t even entertain that thought for a second so he folds. Micky on the other hand always knows the difference between honest Davy and cheeky Davy and calls him out on it.

He does still have to reap the consequences but they go easier on him because (when he’s genuine) his breakdown are consequence enough and when he’s being cheeky they can’t help but go easier on him. He’s just a little guy after all

[houseofbrat]

Submission: William is co-dependant on Kate

Sometimes I feel that William is codependant on Kate. A year ago when that boy sent a letter to invite Will to their school, Kate wasn’t mentioned and yet in his twitter reply, he specifically said that he AND Kate couldnt come. Again today, he visited the school and apologised for Kate not being there. The thing is, the boys never invited her, not because they’re disrespectful, but because their group is centered around male mental health. She was never expected to come even if not sick. 

At the Baftas too. He apologised for not seeing many movies because he usually watches the nominated movies with Kate, and said at the moment things were a bit challenging. But he’s the president of the baftas, It’s part of his job to watch them or to at least read a full summary of the movies. Good for them if they enjoy watching them together but that’s not meant to be a couple activity.

I feel he cannot function without her. Of course he loves her and after all these years, they’ve grown to develop some couple activities. But it really feels that he doesnt exist on his own anymore. We like to make fun of Harry for his weird obsession with his mother, when the truth is that William himself has found a mother figure in Kate.

I dont know if I’m biased because I’m a woman, but I dont feel the same about Kate even though he’s a complete part of her now. Women are known to bear the brunt of the mental load in a family, so I could totally see her managing William’s needs and emotions on a daily basis, at least on some level, all the while having her shit together (doesn’t mean she never relies on him). Whereas I dont see William able to carry all his children AND wife daily routine, their emotions and needs, especially in a difficult time like this, but even in normal times. And yes I know that many people would rely on family in a similar situation, but I just see him being so paralyzed by the situation, that the Midds or the staff would have to act and make decisions for him.

----------------------------

I am reminded about an ask and response @helenaaurelia had on her blog about a year and a half ago (December 2022):

Anon:

The media and H perhaps doesn’t want to admit that William is boring af, it’s more profitable to insist in a ‘conspiracy theory’ tone that he is being protected than admit that he perhaps wasn’t got caught doing very damaging things because he is boring.

Also, I know William has grew up and he knows what is bad and what is good, but I think Kate helped him TONES to make him behave. I mean, that story where William was with Guy Pelly messing around at some holidays with motorcycles, and then Kate telling them to stop and behave, because the photographers could take pictures, and William agreeing as a puppy to entered to the house, it’s very telling. I think she is also responsible to help both to not being caught in shenanigans.

@helenaaurealia:

I think there’s also a story about how they were at an engagement, and he was being a bit grumpy, refusing to smile, being curt and so on. Kate was being smiling and charming, then suddenly dragged him aside, seemed to speak rather sharply to him for a moment, then they came back to the group, only from then on both royals were smiling and being charming.

[castlebyersafterdark]

a few kinda not chill asks sent my way too a while back, about being disinterested or disappointed when fandom blogs get too personal and it just turned my stomach

Ok it might not be me, but ive definitely said this kind of thing to blogs before and i would like to come here now and explain myself and also apologise.

Firstly, context and tone being lost online. i understand it's easy to project and take things to heart that might not even have been about us! been there done that, all day long! but still, i'm sorry that i might have contributed to someone feeling bad because of that.

Secondly and more importantly, it probably was totally unnecessary for me to comment things like that in the first place. ive changed my habits so much in the past few months on this site, and feel so much better. it was wild in the midst of s4, then all the byler shit happening really made me act out in a way that i didnt care for at all. didnt even feel like me! i didnt do anything terrible, but i started to understand the slippery slope of how people end up catfishing and shit. it's the anonymity! you dont stop and think online. well, most don't. but i think you do, vinny. its one of the reasons i love your blog.

which leads me to point three. yes, you talk about personal stuff, but it's so charming and endearing, and never feels gratuitous or self-centred or wallowy. and so, even for someone like me who always wanted byler content more than personal stuff on other blogs, i had a realisation. not necessarily a kind or unkind one, but a truthful one: that being here is kind of like meeting people irl in many ways. some people you click with, others you don't. and that's ok. but in real life you can size people up and judge if you want to associate with them. no shade to those who don't compel you - its just part of being human and you walk away and don't befriend them.

but online is so weird - we can't see each other, don't know our ages or interests or anything except what we're told. so when people you perhaps thought were cool, suddenly turn their blog into something that starts to feel unsafe or just downright rubbish... or perhaps you realise theyre so very much younger than you and it's not exactly manageable to be chatting with them because you wouldn't have such a relationship irl... well, i guess its easy to feel tricked. and you can't see it coming like you might if you were physically associating with someone in person, or with mutual friends who give you perspective. i mean, i definitely shouldn't have interacted with so many younger people in this fandom so carelessly, but fandom can be unclear like that sometimes, when you're thrilling in a shared interest and forgetting how many different life experiences people are bringing to the same thing.

and yeah, i could probably have just walked away and not said anything. that's my bad. i was venting. (not about you, about others and you may have seen it and taken it to heart). so its a combo of internet enabling bad behaviour + the weirdness of invisible online connections, and my own lack of foresight.

but honestly vinny, never once have i felt annoyed by you. I've always loved your insights and personal life things... im drawn to the way you think and speak and it helps that you're self-aware, and seem honest and mature. in fact sometimes i feel a bit weirded out by just how much i love this blog. it feels like a real connection sometimes, even though its still invisible online. you have a real authorial voice, you are original and you are... well, you. what always annoyed me was when other byler blogs just became carbon copies of each other, complaining about the same shit (usually byler doubt) and then suddenly soapboxing about personal problems in a way that would have made me feel unsafe and stressed if i knew them irl.

not to say these bloggers were objectively bad, but just not my cup of tea. i didn't handle it well, i should have just scrolled on past. but i didnt and that was on me. not everyone can like everyone, and that's ok. that's normal. but i wouldnt want anyone to have that life lesson served to them in a bad-shaped box, and especially not by me.

so yeah. apologising in case i had a hand in making you feel that way by proxy. and i hope it can mean something that i don't ever think youre annoying. i genuinely love it here. i can't wait to stick it out with you until s5 drops! and i think i'll be more sad than i thought, because all our speculation and gossip will come to an end with the show.

Posting since you gave the go ahead 😌

This is just a silly fandom blog at the end of the day, but I do feel somewhat vulnerable at times. A lot. It can feel like sending a risky text over and over. I have this inability that once I allow myself to feel comfortable in a place, even an online setting, I do tend to get overly personal and insightful and vulnerable once the edge is tipped over. Slippery slope when you've been a person who's lifelong dealt with pretty severe anxiety and sensitivity, even while being pretty extroverted. Weird combo. I'm a mess! But it's ok.

Situations like this, me making an offhand comment, probably based on off hand comments not at all to do with me - stem from all that. And it's like oh god, mannn why are you like this!?! Chill out! And it's no one's fault - to anon sending this ask: based on how you're explaining and talking here, you may have been one I saw elsewhere that I took to heart but you definitely don't sound like those who sent unkind things over the summer. So it's ok 🥲🙏 We are all works in progress. I've gotten myself in to some situations online, mostly of mine own doing, but also not, and I guess as fun as I have on here and despite the rampant kindness - I'm always bracing for the worst. Because we've all seen what fandom can be like, what the internet can be like.

I feel you though, and anyone else who has their guards up. We can't help what does and does not resonate. I think I know what you mean by going to a space for one thing and then tonally it morphs into something different. I've seen that happen with blogs. And it's so hard because we're human, even if we want to be aloof and disconnected, there's always someone behind every post and page and blog and account (well, unless it's a bot haha), but we aren't going to click with most people and we aren't going to get to know most, either. And it's so much easier for everything to switch up like that online as opposed to knowing a person "in the real world." Without knowing the backstory, the reason. If there's any at all. And I think it's very human to feel some sort of way about these things. The person looking at the screen is just as real as the one one the other side, and there's this digital wall between all of us - connections can be beautiful here, but they can also be frustrating.

I'm really glad that even one person feels affected in a positive way by whatever it is I'm doing here, it really blows my mind when I read kind words. Not trying to sound facetious, it truly catches me off guard and it's always a pleasant reminder. I think that's why I get so anxious and nervous thinking anything I do here is upsetting or annoying or negative. Because I've been that negative presence online in the past and I don't want to be. It's actually kind of funny and sweet that you feel weirded out by liking it here so much, because I feel the same???? Breaking down the reality of being obsessed with a TV show is... kinda fucking weird??? But it's not gonna change for me. This is what I'm into and passionate about and it's sooooo damn cool that others are too and vibe in the way I'm vibing with it.

As always - thanks for hanging out. I'll be sticking around long after our speculation and gossip dies down, and I hope people still want to hang out even after it's over. I'll still keep posting and oversharing and being creative and yes, being annoying about a television show. ❤️

[faithlesbian]

fresh off my s7 rewatch i keep sticking on the scene after they find that potential that's hung herself in the night. buffy has to cut her down and bury her body in the garden, which is awful, but then she comes back inside to a room full of grieving, traumatised children, shovel still in hand, and says "anyone want to say a few words about chloe? let me. chloe was an idiot. chloe was stupid. she was weak."

for the rest of that scene she lashes out at pretty much everyone in some way with the reasoning that she's been "carrying them" and that they need to start pulling their weight. that scene is a tough one to watch just from how needlessly cruel she is to the potentials, watching them flinch when she throws the shovel she used to bury their dead friend is especially affecting, and while she's not technically wrong that willow and spike have both been holding back and not giving their all due to fear of their own power, verbally abusing them about it is really only gonna make it harder.

im usually a buffy stan first and a person second so watching her be so genuinely mean is hard for me, but the more i think about it the more i realise its not actually that ooc -- we know a major theme of s7 is the isolation of being the slayer, buffy acknowledges multiple times that she pushes people away and doesnt know how not to, the resolution of the main plot is her finding a way to share her power with the world. buffy's self-isolation and lashing out at her support network is an established trauma response that we first see in s2 when she's still reeling from being killed by the master. buffy in s6 had only recently started overcoming her suicidality before nearly getting raped by spike, so it's fair to say she's equally as unmoored in s7 as she was in early s2 if not way more so. in s3 she attacks a domestic abuse victim when she's struggling to come to terms with how she herself was hurt by angel, so her calling a suicidal teen "stupid and weak" after being suicidal herself actually does track. this is how buffy acts when she's at her most traumatised.

the thing that gets me about this instance compared to the others, though, is how bad a job they do at showing that. i think its pretty easy to say calling a suicidal teen stupid and weak is bad, right? doing so in front of a bunch of other vulnerable teens who are in the same boat is worse, right? no matter how unusual the circumstances, that kind of verbal abuse isnt going to help anyone "toughen up", its just abuse. but buffy doesnt apologise for any of it, willow defends her saying it, and i genuinely cant tell if she's narratively framed as in the wrong or not. buffy barely gets a chance to acknowledge just how traumatised she is this season, the PTSD symptoms she has from the rape in s6 just sort of go away after a while which is exactly how PTSD doesnt work, scenes like this get glossed over and used to build up to her friends kicking her out of her own house, which is such a majorly discoursed scene i dont wanna touch it with a barge pole but we all know that was not the ideal way to deal with any of that, right? the way she acts, which so clearly draws on how she's previously behaved when textually struggling with trauma, is never fully questioned or explored, leading to an ambiguous framing where an argument could easily be made that its meant to be seen as justified "tough" behaviour in a high stakes plot that demands it.

for the main plot to be resolved by buffy breaking the cycle that led to her original trauma, but to also fumble the depiction of that trauma an its effects, is deeply frustrating. because yes! too much had been expected of her by everyone in that room for too long! but part of the reason is her own refusal to ask for or accept help, and that distance between her and those around her is only made worse by her lashing out at them. and she deserved to process that in an emotionally cathartic way at some point before the finale