#i and my sisters have been helping our mom to move grandma around bc shes struggling to walk at the moment
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xicanaroja · 1 day ago
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Me when none of my sisters or I get a present from Grandma (who is independently wealthy) for Christmas, even tho she lives with us and everyone in our family quite literally wait on her hand and foot, but my cousin - her favorite grandchild by her favorite daughter - gets a very nice pricey gift:
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onceuponastory · 4 years ago
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Coming Back Home - Chapter Six: The Only Exception
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And up until now I had sworn to myself That I'm content with loneliness Because none of it was ever worth the risk But you are the only exception
the only exception: paramore
Plot: Six years ago, Y/N left her hometown and all its bad memories behind, and never looked back. But now, she’s come back to be the maid of honour in her sister’s wedding. Returning ‘home’ means she has to confront her past, the last thing she wants to do. When she meets the handsome best man Nick, she feels more comfortable…until her sister asks her to show Nick around town…a town that Y/N fell out of love with a long time ago.
Can Y/N fall back in love with the town she left behind, and maybe find love of her own along the way? (based on prompt by @orphicodysseywrites​)
Tag List: @shinydixon​, @baker151910​ and @thesundrop​. Let me know if you want to be added!
Warnings: Some mentions of alcohol, death, abandonment and another panic attack.
Note: Happy Valentine’s Day weekend my loves! I know it’s Valentine’s tomorrow, but I’m working, so wanted to get this out today. This chapter is LOOOOONG, so enjoy ;)
Read the other parts / Read this story on Wattpad!
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Nick or his character! I just used Nick bc he’s the only character of Dacre’s that fits this prompt. Aside from Nick being in this, this fic has NOTHING to do with The Broken Hearts Gallery. But you should all see the movie if you can, because it’s adorable!
Y/N’s POV
“I’ll help her deal with this. Don’t want any issues, like last time.” I give Nick a knowing look, making him laugh. Leaving the room, and walking towards the front door, I expect to see a member of the groom party or the florist standing there, looking sheepish. But when I approach the door, I don’t recognise the person standing there. Katie looks over at me, her face pale and her eyes wide.
“Y/N....” She begins.
“Y/N!” The man smiles, cutting her off. He looks at me expectantly. “What, don’t you recognise me?” He asks. Frowning, I step closer, ready to tell him that I really don’t know who he is, and I’m sorry, but he has to....I stop my train of thought the second I see his eyes. My eyes. The same coloured and shaped eyes stare back at me. My heart almost drops out of my chest. It can’t be...can it? 
“D...Dad?” I stammer. His face lights up immediately, confirming my worst fears. “Oh my GOD!” I exclaim, moving closer to stand beside Katie. Protectively, I grab her hand, squeezing onto it tightly. I can’t believe he’s here. I feel like if I close my eyes and pinch myself, I’ll wake up from this nightmare. But I try it a few times, and everytime I open my eyes, he’s still there. Part of me knows I’m being dramatic, and should just stop...but what would you do if the man who abandoned you weeks after your mother died and barely had anything to do with you our your sister came back into your life? I can hear the noise of Adam and Nick walking up to us and speaking to our Dad, but most of their discussion is blocked out. All I can hear is the word “daughters”. Daughters. He has no right to call us his daughters, especially after abandoning us. 
“Dad? What are you doing here?” Katie asks. He looks at us like we’re stupid for even asking him that.
“Don’t be silly! I’m here to attend your wedding!” He grins, making me confused.
“But you told me that you didn’t-” I begin, but he walks into the house and starts walking up to us before I can even finish my sentence. Protectively, I tighten my grip on Katie’s hand. “No, Dad, you can’t just walk in-” I try to say again, but he ignores me, and comes closer towards us. I open my mouth again, but he cuts me off.
“God, you look so much like your mother Y/N.” He smiles. Jane’s words echo in my head as he says it. I wish people would stop saying that to me. I didn’t even remember my mother that well. The only memory I have of her is her dying, then my Dad abandoning us soon after. Maybe that’s why he left. Because I look too much like my mom. He reaches out to touch my face, and I instinctively step back, uncomfortable with him being anywhere near me, let alone touching my face. He frowns, but instead of saying anything, he looks over at Katie. “So, Katie.” He grins, staring down at us. “What do you say? How about a hug for your old man?” 
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” I whisper.
“Um...” Katie’s silent for a moment, before removing her hand from my grasp and slowly walking into our Dad’s embrace. “There you are. My beautiful daughter. My beautiful bride.” He smiles, pulling her close into a hug. My heart twists at that. This is what Katie deserved her whole life...and what I deserved too.  I don’t even register Nick moving closer and standing beside me until I hear: 
“You okay?” He whispers. I nod. To be honest, i wasn’t sure if I was okay. Part of me was hopeful that our Dad coming back would mean a change of heart, and a new beginning for us...but another part was worried he’d leave us again, and we’d be right back to square one. After all, he may be a piece of shit who abandoned us...but he was still our Dad. And even though I had known for a long time that it was worthless trying to get him to pay attention to us, or to show us love and support...part of me was still a little kid who wanted her Dad. My Dad pulls away from Katie and looks at me.
“Is it worth me asking for a hug?” He asks. I blink, surprised. “You know Y/N, you were quite rude to me on the phone a few weeks ago. I mean, I’m here now, aren’t I? I do care.” He almost hisses the last two words out, in a clear attempt to make me feel bad for my choice of words and accusations. Katie looks horrified. Our Dad plasters on a smile again, and turns back to Katie. “So, darling. Ready for me to give you away in a few days?” Katie’s face flushes.
“Um, you see Dad, the thing is......” She begins, her voice shaking with nerves. Adam steps closer and wraps his arm around her. Protectiveness washes over me again. 
“I’m doing it.” I reply, stopping Katie from saying another word. Our Dad’s eyes go wide, and he splutters.
“What? You?”
“Yes Dad. Me. I’m giving her away, and dancing with her at the wedding.” Our Dad is silent for a moment, then he starts laughing. 
“Well, you won’t need to do that anymore. That’s the father of the bride’s job, and I’m here now, so you can go back to...whatever the hell it is that you’re doing.” I open my mouth to respond, but before I can, Katie steps in, her voice stronger.
“No. No Dad, I want Y/N to do it. She’s been in my life the longest, and I want her.” She gives me a reassuring smile. She takes a deep breath. “You can still come to the wedding, I’m sure we can find you a seat somewhere...but I want my sister to give me away.” Our Dad starts sighing and shaking his head.
“I knew this would happen.” He states. “I knew your Grandmother would turn you both against me. That bitch never fucking liked me.”
“I wonder why!” I say before I can stop myself. The anger of the last twenty one years that’s been building up within me is clearly spilling over. “Gee, maybe it’s because you gave us up two weeks after her daughter died! And you just dumped us on her doorstep!”
“That’s not fair. It was hard work looking after you both on my own.” He argues back, pointing at me. “I did the best thing for you both by bringing you here. I did it because I cared about you two.”
“That might be true, but that’s not how I remember it.” I reply, having no idea where this new confidence is coming from. “I remember you telling Nana that ‘this shithole’ was the best place for us, and saying you didn’t care what happened to us after that. Also there’s the fact that you didn’t bother to contact us after that. So please, don’t act like you care about us all of a sudden.” My Dad steps closer, and Nick protectively moves closer to me. 
“How dare you. I gave you birthday and Christmas presents!” My Dad responds. 
“Yeah! On the wrong days!” I step closer to him.
“No, just-” Nick starts, but I continue regardless. I get closer, so close I can almost smell the alcohol on his breath. 
“Tell me, Dad.” I begin, hissing the word Dad. “When’s my birthday? When’s Katie’s?” He’s silent, and I cock my head, trying to ignore the pain of the fact that my Dad really doesn’t care about us. “Oh, was that too hard? Let me ask some more. Maybe they’ll be easier. What’s my favourite colour? What did Katie study at college? What did I study? Where do I live?” He doesn’t respond to any of them, and I laugh sarcastically. “And there it is everyone! The father who claims to love and care about his children, but doesn’t know a single thing about them!” I lean in closer to his face, slowly turning angrier. “Don’t you dare call our Nana a bitch when she did more for us than you ever did. She didn’t poison us against you, we realised for ourselves that you’re an asshole who never cared about us. We may be related to you by blood, but we are not your daughters.” I hiss. He’s silent, and I feel Nick gently pulling me back towards him. He protectively steps in front of me, slightly shielding me with his body just incase my Dad tries anything. My Dad finally speaks.
Nick’s POV
“See, this is the reason why I left you two. You’re so....dramatic Y/N. It’s annoying. And I guess I was wrong. It wasn’t your Grandma who poisoned you against me...it was you!” He points at Y/N. "You’ve ruined my relationship with my daughter. I can’t believe you’d be so...spiteful!”
“But...I’m your daughter too.” Y/N states, her voice quieter and shaky. I look over at her. Her face looks crushed, just like it did when we both had our argument. Anger grows within, and I step forward. I hate seeing Y/N like that, especially because it was my fault the first time. But now, I could help her.
“Don’t talk to her like that.” I order.
“Nick, don’t-” Y/N begins, but her father stops her. 
“And who do you think you are?” He asks. He steps closer, and I can smell the beer on his breath. 
“A friend of your daughters. But, given what Y/N’s told me, and what we’ve just heard, I think calling you a father is a bit of a stretch.” I reply. Rage grows on the man’s face even more. “By the way, in case you’ve forgotten, Mr Father of the Year, your daughters were four and two when you abandoned them here. I hardly think that’s their fault, don’t you?” The man scoffs.
“Listen, buddy. You don’t know anything about this situation, so butt out.” 
“No, actually. I know a lot about this situation, and I actually care about your daughters and their wellbeing, which is more than I can say about you, who’s blaming a four year old for why she and her sister were abandoned by you, and why they resent you for that.” Katie moves to stand beside Y/N, and wraps her arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug. Adam stands beside me, helping to protect the girls from their father. “And on that note, despite everything you did to them, both Y/N and Katie still had the decency to ask if you were coming to the wedding, which is more decency than you deserve. And you have the nerve to accuse Y/N of trying to ruin her sister’s life and relationship with you? All she’s done throughout her life is try to make her sister happy. And that includes inviting you, when she had no idea if you’d even show up. If you had stuck around, you would know how good a person she is.” Their Dad scoffs again.
“And why do you care so much?” 
“Because I care about your daughter. A lot, actually.” I say, not even caring if this destroys my friendship with Y/N, or if she doesn’t like me back in that way. “I’ve only known her for about three weeks, and I already know what a beautiful person she is, both inside and out. If you can’t see that, then that’s your problem.” I feel someone squeezing my hand from behind me, and I turn back around to see Y/N staring at me, her eyes glistening with tears...but still looking grateful. 
“Thank you.” She mouths at me, and my heart swells. Even if she doesn’t like me back, that feeling is more than enough.
Y/N’s POV
Hearing Nick standing up for me makes my heart sing, and I almost start crying. The smile he gives me sends butterflies fluttering in my stomach. 
“Anyway, why don’t we hear what Katie has to say?” Nick continues, and I give her hand another squeeze. She replies, her voice a lot more confident.
“Dad, Y/N has been with me for as long as I can remember, and Nick’s right. All she’s ever wanted to do is make sure I’m happy. And I still want her to give me away. We’ll find a place for you to sit, but this is my decision.” She looks over at me, a big smile on her face. “And I choose my sister.” My heart swells all over again, and a few tears fall down my face. “But I’d love to have you at my wedding, Dad.” She smiles.
“I can’t believe this.” Our Dad scoffs, shaking his head. “The only reason why I came here was to give you away, and you won’t even let me have that?” He asks. “God, it wasn’t even worth coming here.”
“No, Dad wait-” Katie begins, her voice sounding sadder. My heart rate rises. He’s going to leave us again. I know it. “You can still come to the rehearsal dinner, and the wedding, it-”
“Don’t you get it? If I’ll just be a guest then I don’t want to come to the rehearsal dinner! Or to the wedding. If you don’t want me to do my job as the father of the bride, there’s no point me even being there, is there?!”
“But you said....” Katie trails off, her eyes filling with tears. My anger rises.
“Are you serious? So you’re going to leave us? Again? Just like that? Just because you won’t get the attention you will as father of the bride?” I ask, feeling tears begin to stream down my face. I was being abandoned. Again. But before I can even say anything else, or before our Dad can respond, Katie lets out an anguished cry, and she runs upstairs. I look back at the stairs, then back at my Dad. Part of me wants to argue, to tell him to go to hell and to never call himself our Dad again, but like Katie did....I choose my sister. “Katie! Katie, wait!” I call, running upstairs after her. Once I reach the landing, I look around, trying to see what room she’s in. But her sniffling soon draws me towards my bedroom. I open the door to see my sister curled up in my bed, her back to me. “Katie?” I ask softly, sitting beside her at the end of the bed. It breaks my heart to see her like this. This was the one thing I didn’t want to happen. But me phoning our Dad probably caused this. And now he had left us. Again. My heart was shattering all over again. “Katie?” I ask again, Katie moves aside wordlessly. Once I’m in bed beside her, she turns to face me, her face streaked with tears. Before I can even do anything, she lunges forward and pulls me into a hug. She bursts into tears, and as soon as she does, I start crying too.
“I’m sorry...I just couldn’t...I-” She stammers, gasping for air slightly. 
“Don’t be silly. You don’t have anything to apologise for. This whole thing is my fault.” I reply through my tears. Katie pulls away, and frowns at me. “I’m the one who called him, so that’ll be why he came here. And he’s right...what if it was my fault that he left us the first time? And now it’s my fault he’s gone again, and that he won’t be here for your wedding.” I sniff. “I’m so sorry Katie.” I cry. “I’ve ruined everything for you.”
“No, it’s not your fault. It’s never been your fault. I meant it. You’ve been here for me, ever since we were kids. Actually...” She sniffles again. “Remember when you beat up the bullies for me in the school playground?” She asks. A memory flashes into my mind. Some kids in my year had found out about our parents, and had made it their life’s mission to tease us. I tried not to let it bother me, but Katie had it the worst. She was so young, she couldn’t defend herself...which is why I shoved them over and punched them...as hard as seven year old me could, that is. “I thought it was so cool, my big sister standing up for me like that.” She continues.
“Yeah well...Nana didn’t think it was that cool.” I am immediately reminded of sitting beside my Nana in the Principal’s office, being lectured on how to behave, and how even though they may have provoked it, I had no right to fight back like that. “I mean, I fought hard in my defence. And maybe Nana did agree...she just never told me.” I chuckle slightly, and even Katie giggles too. “And then there was those times when you used to crawl into bed with me when you had nightmares, instead of Nana.” I remember.
“Nana was scary! Could you blame me?” She laughs. “Actually...it was like this. You, cuddling with me in your bed and singing to me or telling stories before I fell asleep. You used to tell me stories of two princesses who would finally get their happy ending.” 
“Wonder who they are.” Katie smiles. 
“Well, you were right. I’ve finally found my happy ending.” She looks back up at me. “Y/N. I know you think this whole thing was your fault, but trust me. It is not. You’ve been more like a mother to me than a big sister all my life, and I love you so much. You could’ve just ignored me or pretended that I didn’t exist, but you didn’t. You’ve cared for me all this time, and you still are caring for me. So, thank you.” She pulls me back into a hug, and the tears start flowing again. “It just sucks that he won’t be there. That he doesn’t care.” She sniffles, and I start crying again. She’s right. Having your Dad abandon you again does suck.
“I know. I’m sorry. But Adam, Nick and I will be beside you every step of the way. We love you so, so much.” I reassure her. The two of us lay in each other’s arms for a while, neither wanting to leave the other alone. 
~~~
Sometime later
The door opens, and Katie and I look over to see Adam and Nick standing there. Katie moves out of my embrace, and runs to Adam, who leads her out of the room, presumably towards their room. Nick sits on the bed as I sit up. “Is he gone?” I ask. Sighing, Nick nods, and I start crying again. “He’s left me again.” I gasp between tears, feeling my heart rate rising as my anxiety and abandonment issues kick in again, combined with the stress and the emotions from earlier. “He’s abandoned me. Again. He doesn’t want me anymore” I gasp, feeling myself starting to hyperventilate. “Nick, what if he’s right...w-what if it’s my fault? What if he left me because I look too much like my Mom? What if I was too much of a bad kid? I always wondered if it was my fault. Maybe it was.” I ask myself, speaking quickly. Nick moves closer to me.
“Hey, hey, hey. It’s not your fault. It’s his.” He tells me.
“Please...don’t leave me....” I beg through my tears. “Please...don’t leave me alone. I can’t lose you too.” 
“I won’t leave you.” He tells me. “I’m here. It’s okay. You won’t lose me. Breathe with me, okay? In and out.” He holds out his hands in case I want to take them, and I take them both as I try to regulate my breathing. Nick stays with me, holding my hands and helping with my breathing until I calm down. 
“I’m sorry Nick.” I sniff. “I’m sorry I’m so...messed up.”
“Y/N. It’s okay. You’re not messed up. I told you. I care about you.” He smiles, gently rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. 
“I just can’t believe he doesn’t even know anything about Katie or I...that he doesn’t even care.” Nick sits with me as I let out all my emotions, continuing to hold my hands, cheer me up and hug me when I need it. After I feel like I’ve calmed down properly...or as much as I could, Nick lays beside me, and lets my head rest on his chest. We lay together in silence for a while. Well, it’s not exactly silence. I can hear the sound of Nick’s heartbeat, and the sound of the birds chirping outside. But it’s nice. I can smell the scent of his cologne, feel the warmth of his body as I rest my head on his chest, and the movement of his chest as he breathes in and out. It helps to ground me and calm me even more. Even though I had no idea of how long we’ve been lying here, I don’t care. In all honesty, I could keep laying there for the rest of my life. It’s comforting, and in a way...it feels like home. Like where I’m meant to be. My feelings for him, and my talk with Katie from a few days ago flash back into my mind. And with it, comes Nick telling my Dad about how much he cares about me. Did he really mean it? Like...in that way? “Nick?” I ask. 
“Mhm?”
“When you said you cared about me earlier...did you mean it?” I ask. He looks down at me. 
“Of course I did. You’re such a wonderful person Y/N, it’s hard not to care about you after spending time with you.” A smile spreads on my face. Should I tell him how I feel about him? I look up into his blue eyes, and my heart answers the question for me almost immediately. 
“Nick. Can I tell you something?” I ask. He nods. “The other day I...I um realised something.” My anxiety kicks in again, and I’m worried that he won’t feel the same. But it’s been weighing on me for so long...I just have to tell him. “I...Um. I think...” I take a breath to steel myself. “IthinkIhaveacrushonyou!” The words are all strung together at once, and Nick frowns, blinking at me as he tries to understand what I said. Suddenly, his eyes widen slightly. He’s clearly understood. “I’m sorry if you don’t feel the same, and please don’t feel obligated to feel the same. Especially after today. I won’t feel bad. I just-I just had to let it out! You’re just so-” Nick cuts me off by gently running his fingers down my cheek and jaw line. Without saying anything, he leans closer, and delicately kisses me on the lips. It feels like time stops in that moment. At first, I’m so in shock I don’t even respond, and Nick pulls back from me slightly, waiting to see what I’ll say. Instead of responding with words, my hands wrap around his shoulders, my hands tangling in his shirt, and his go around my waist as I kiss him back passionately. My heart starts pounding again...but in a good way. It feels really nice to finally be kissing Nick, like this is how things are meant to be. Also, ever since the first time we almost kissed, part of me has been hoping for this...and now it was finally here. And it’s better than I ever could have imagined. Thank god we’re laying in my bed, because if he had kissed me like that standing up, I probably would have fainted from how weak my knees feel right now. Nick pulls away from me, part of my lipgloss smeared on his lips.
“I’m so glad you said that.” He whispers, his voice husky. “I’ve felt the same about you for the past two weeks.” I smile, and my heart feels like it’s doing backflips. 
“Then please don’t stop kissing me.” I whisper back, and Nick quickly returns his lips to mine.
Maybe I’ll get my happy ending after all.
A/N: In case you’re wondering, YES. this fic will be continued. I’m still going to show the wedding :)
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compilation of my favorite otp prompts 4
tag
Established Relationship AUs [x]
We’ve been celebrating our wedding anniversary on the wrong day for the past nine years AU
just some ‘how they met’ AUs [x]
‘my dad invited me to go on a fishing trip with him and his buddies and I hate water and can’t swim but I don’t wanna crush my dad’s feelings and he said his friend’s son was coming too, so I’m kind of hoping he’s cool’ and ‘I fell into the water and you were the only sober one who was able to save me’
‘we were waiting in line for the FerrisWheel and your friend decided last minuet he didn’t want to ride and backed out, so we got jammed into the same kart together AND THEN the ride got stuck while we were at the top, but you aren’t so bad to be around for two hours…lets go ride more shit together’
'the cops showed up to a party we were at and chased everyone away. You and I happened to run in the opposite direction of all our friends and got lost in some dark and creepy street.’
more au ideas no one asked for [x]
“you’re super short and i’m sorry but it’s really really cute whenever you try to reach that book on the top shelf here lemme help you- oh no don’t be embarrassed, your face is all red and you’re even more adorable now i am going to die” au
“i’m a biker and one day i was biking in your neighborhood while you just happened to be outside watering the plants and since you’re so goddamn cute i accidentally steered into a pole and now you’re giving me first aid (holy shit you’re even cuter up close)” au
“you’re biking through my neighborhood and you ran into a pole so now i’m really concerned and patching you up, oh my gosh you’re really hot even though you have a bloody nose” au
“i’m at a karaoke bar and i’m sober enough to realize that your voice singing my absolute favorite song is the most beautiful thing i’ve ever heard, and you caught me staring and winked at me oh shit” au
“you invited me to your brother’s/sister’s wedding as a plus one bc we’re hella best friends but we end up making out at the afterparty and now everyone thinks we’re fucking so uh,, u wanna go out for a drink sometime? try this whole couple thing out?” au
“my mom/sister/dad/brother/best friend doesn’t know we’re dating but one day he/she/they walked in on us making out and started cheering oh my god this is so embarrassing i’m so sorry” au
“dude why did that siren take on my image to try and seduce you, is there something you wanna tell me” au
“my friends dared me to buy 20 condoms but i didn’t realize that the cute cashier would be working tonight so i avoided eye contact as i piled them onto the counter and please stop laughing so hard, oh my god it’s for a dare okay i’ve never had sex in my life and once you stopped laughing, i swear i fell in love with that sparkle in your eye as you grinned wildly at me and asked me out for a drink” au
Well, this is awkward AUs [x]
“I sneaked in to this huge house party for some free food but you asked me how I knew the host and the first excuse I could think of was that I’m dating their sibling, so basically I just lied to you about going out with you” au
post breakup AUs [x]
“today was the first family gathering i’ve been to since we broke up and my little cousin that absolutely adored you asked where you were and i had to lock myself in the bathroom and sit in the tub for a half an hour and look through a folder on my phone of pictures i took of you to feel okay again” AU
“i still have your phone number memorized even though i haven’t called you since we split and somehow i remembered it even though i’ve had like six shots of bourbon and hey, i know you’re pissed that you’re here at this dingy club at 3 in the morning to pick my drunk ass up, but you have to admit that’s pretty impressive” AU
“oh hi, totally didn’t expect to see you here at this one hole in the wall coffee shop literally no one in the entire world besides you knows about. what a coincidence.” AU
“it´s my [insert family relation here]´s wedding and seeing all these happy couples is killing me and all i can think about is how this was almost us” AU (bonus: “i know that it’s two in the morning and i’m dressed really formally and a little (a lot) bit drunk but i couldn’t stop thinking about you after my grandma asked how you were doing also can i come in it’s freezing out here”)
“we have a lot of mutual friends so we see each other more than two broken up people usually do and i know we’re not really close anymore but you’re wearing that stupid (adorable) hat you always wore when you were upset so tell me what’s wrong because it’s literally killing me to see you look so sad” AU
“i found your box of letters underneath my bed last night and because i’m a nosy motherfucker i decided to read them and it turns out they were all addressed to me and the last one was dated the day you moved out and i’m not quite sure why i thought this would be a good idea but here i am, standing on your doorstep, wondering why the fuck we’re not together anymore” AU
otp fic prompts [x]
i had the weirdest dream about you and now i can’t stop imagining what you’d look like naked
you’re at the cinema alone and so am i we might as well sit together and i swear i didn’t think there was anyone else in this universe who appreciates this movie like i do 
i hooked up with you at my sister’s wedding 5 years ago and now i’ve gotta track you down because i can’t stop thinking about you
we watched the fireworks together on new year’s eve even though you’re a complete stranger like i didn’t even get your name ??
OTP Prompts - Post Break-up [x]
“I’m still in love with you, and I probably always will be, but I thought you wanted to break up, so I broke up with you. Now, it’s a year later, and you’re telling me you were about to propose?”
“I never told my extended family that we broke up, and now they want to know when you’re coming over for dinner again.”
“I didn’t mean to tell you I still loved you, but now we’re standing here awkwardly, and I should probably just go.”
“I thought you broke up with me, so I haven’t spoken to you in a year, but apparently there was a serious miscommunication, because you thought I broke up with you. Well, this is as good a time as any to tell you I still love you.”
things to imagine with your otp [x]
one of them falls in love first before the other and has to try and be super chill and casual around them but oh fuck they just brushed hands
one of them by themselves but throughout the day they see little things that remind them of the other and they just randomly start smiling
trying to make a gift or do something special for the other but getting super embarrassed when giving it to them so they just leave it on a table and run away
star-gazing, flower festivals and making out behind dingy diners on a road trip
SOME WEIRD STUFF I NEED TO LIVE [x]
you work at the shitty overpriced coffee shop that only gets business because it’s nearest the university and I hate the coffee and get tea every time because at least you know how to make a good raspberry tea but I come in at odd hours and you always look exhausted, oh no you just fell to the ground crying about how you were supposed to open a gourmet cupcake shop, are you okay????
Aus I need [x]
I tried asking this person on the street for directions, but before they could even answer you pointed down the street and told me where to go. Turns out you were heading that way too and we end up walking together awkwardly for a bit. 
We’re in a huge crowd to watch fireworks/a show, and there’s no more room on the lawn except right next to you and your blanket. I forgot to bring one, and you invite me to share yours with you.
I’m making balloon animals for children at this farmer’s market/fair, and you come up with a friend who asks for a kitty. You are enamored with the motorcycle I was making just for fun, and I can’t help being charmed by your enthusiasm and give it to you for free. 
AUs to consider [x]
“i don’t want to go alone to my ex’s wedding and our mutual friend said you’re free that night” au
(could combine/mix it with this amazing comic)
“you accidentally left your ID in a library book” au
“i’ve never met you before but i went to a huge party at your house with my significant other - who then proceeded to dump me” au
Imagine your OTP [x]
Person A comforting person B through a stormy night
Helping each other in certain subjects for school.
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thecaffeinebookwarrior · 6 years ago
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Depicting Black Characters:  A Writer’s Masterpost
I’m often asked for tips on how to respectfully depict Black people, or how to write from their point of view.  Because something about my marshmallow complexion evidently screams that I’m a jackpot of insider information on Black culture.
However, I appreciate that my followers want to learn -- that’s something we all need to do!  So I decided the time has come to compile a masterpost on sources from real Black people, so you can get your information right from the source.
More to come, and happy writing!
Literature
25 Amazing Books by African-American Writers
10 Must-Read Books by Iconic Black Authors
12 Unputdownable Books by Black Authors
15 Black Writers We Should All be Reading
Websites
Black Enterprise  -- a website for Black entrepreneurship.  
For Harriet -- an online community celebrating Black women through history and storytelling.
Tea & Breakfast -- a Black-focused website bringing you the latest in news and entertainment. 
Ebony -- a highly respected resource for Black news, entertainment, and lifestyle content.
Clutch Magazine -- a mixture of news and editorial pieces.  
Racism
7 Things Black People Want Their Well-Meaning White Friends to Know
100 Ways White People Can Make Life Less Frustrating For People of Color
This is What it Feels Like to be Black in White Spaces
Growing Up Black in America
Blogs
@writingwithcolor 
@vintageblackglamour 
@ofanotherfashion 
@blackhistoryeveryday
@blackwomenworldhistory
@ukblackhistory
@blackhistoryseries
@blackhistoryarthistory-blog
Tips From Followers
I’m inviting all my Black followers to offer tips on authentic, respectful depictions of Black characters and culture.  If you have something you’d like non-Black authors to know, please message me and chime in!
Anonymous said:
I'm mixed race- black and white, and I think its important to mention the cultural closeness; a lot of black mothers are very overprotective, and restricting. Hair is important. A lot of my childhood memories had to do with my mom braiding my hair, or straightening it.
Anonymous said:
Here’s a bit too much information about me, which I’d very much appreciate if you kept anonymous: I am an Afro Latina, my grandma moved from Honduras to Ny when she was 15 and so my entire dad’s half of the family speaks Spanish (except me and my cousins lol). They’re all dark-medium skin like me, so when they speak Spanish it tends to surprise ppl, but they take pride in that. My dad grew up in Harlem during the crack epidemic and he saw a lot of people die, including his cousin who was shot in the head in front of him when he was about 8. He has a lot of unchecked mental problems bc of this and tends to lash out when he’s frustrated, tired, or guilty. His dad was also a rolling stone and unsupportive, so my dad tries very hard to be a better, more supportive father for better or worse. 
 My father met my mother when they were in college through a mutual friend. They were together for a year before they had me. They never got married. My mother’s family is what we’d call a bit bougie, so they didn’t take too kindly to this. They never outright disowned her, but a lot of the time they treat her like a black sheep. They’re a very “whisper-behind-your-back, never-confront-until-ur-drunk at-the-family-reunion” family. My mom and dad were together on and off for 23 years. Whenever my dad hurt my mom (never physically but still) and she had the means to, she would take me in the middle of the night and run to a shelter or friend. This happened about 5 times, each time my mother came back after about a half a year. 
 I have anxiety depression and add but great empathy, so a lot of the time I can understand what people are feeling but not why (basically I have no self awareness). I am an English senior that lives on tumblr. I am also very reserved but I’d like think I’m kind, if a tad childish. I love rpgs, marvel, and making characters but I have perpetual writers block. I also draw all over my notebooks. I’m not good with my hair though (an offense) and I used to be called an Oreo (white on the inside) in school, but I’m really just have always been a huge nerd. 
I also have a baby brother who I love and pick on constantly even if I’m at a dorm. I’m very protective over him and we’re nine years apart so I tend to feel equal parts caretaker and big sister. I am very close to my family, especially my mom, who I talk to almost every day. I am always tired, sometimes to the point of not eating at all, even as I write this I am in bed. However, I love shopping and walking to seven different stores around town, even just to window shop, is how I spend some days off. Like my mom’s half, I’m pretty non-confrontational, but I’m quiet and don’t like to gossip, so my friends and family tend to confide in me a lot. But I’m pretty closed off, so I don’t tend to share myself. I am bisexual but I don’t want to talk about that, bc I’m still not sure. I don’t like to touch people or have people touch me unless I’m close to them.   
 My half sister is also bisexual, as well as a preschool teacher and a single mom with two adorable girls. I don’t get to see them often bc we always lived in different states. She is a very sweet lady but is very no nonsense, and will be the first to step up if someone’s in trouble. I also have a half brother, who is mildly autistic. We live in different states too, but I never see him because my father didn’t treat him right when we were younger, bc he was “soft”. He is currently living with his mom and writing a GOT-esque epic, which he is excited to tell people about.
@trappedinfairytales said:
A Writing Account From a POC
Loving to read is a bit of a double edged sword. I love the stories, the worlds they depict, and most of all, the characters. But sometimes, I find myself disappointed that most of my favorite characters in my favorite novels are not POC (person/people of color). And if they are, they are depicted as stereotypes. And as a POC and a writer, there are ways to change that. Here are a few tips.
POC are FRIENDS, not FOOD
Now I love chocolate. I love coffee. However, if I read someone describing my skin color as the color of a cappuccino, I wouldn’t be to thrilled. Saying, “Her skin was like sweet milk chocolate, the kind you remember begging your mom for through a candy store window.” I imagine would be the equivalent of saying, “Her skin was so milky white, I could imagine dipping an oreo into it.” Ew.
Not all African Americans live in the poorest part of the city
Not all African Americans are poor and underprivileged. Some of us have gone to private schools, have parents with well off jobs, and live pretty comfortably. That being said, that is not the case for all of us. So if you want to depict your character that way, just make sure you do it respectfully, and not in a way that you would cringe reading at it you were in their place.
Don’t take advantage of our history 
African American history is filled with hatred and oppression. That does NOT MEAN THAT IT CAN BE EXPLOITED FOR A STORY. By all means, mention how awful it was, but do not use it to make other characters and or readers feel sorry for your character. We may want you to feel sorry, but more than anything we want you to understand that what happened was horrible and that it isn’t okay to use it any way you want.
So, yeah. Just respect POC. Even though you probably can’t imagine being in our position, be sympathetic, the same way you would want to be treated if you were being stereotyped.
If you have any other questions about depicting POC’s and want to ask a writer who is POC, I’m happy to help! @trappedinfairytales
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swearronchanel · 6 years ago
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8.06
Finally got around to watching ctm after getting back from my Paris trip! (see here lol)
the wharfs! wild that I was just around that area (literally went on a class trip to the docklands museum the other day, gotta love studying in London)
Omg Angela picking her nose 😂 and yet she won’t speak!
Phyllis hurting her back is actually me all the time bc I have the vertebrae of an 80 year old
There’s Franklin indeed! We love a midwife queen
Shelagh’s outfit is so pretty!
The kids posting for a first day of school pic is so pure but also taking me back 😭 I remember those days
Phyllis grabbing Sister J’s hand why does that make me wanna cry
“I shan’t fight you”😭
Trixie loving her medical dramas I love it
She also is serving some 60s realness
OMFG PINCHED SIATIC NERVE IM TRIGGERED I swear to all the gods that happened to me last semester I literally cried and limped a mile from class to my dorm and deadass couldn’t move nor sit for 2 days until I had to pick up prescribed pain killers & taken to the damn chiropractor!! It was the WORST. The chiro was like omg your nerve is so pinched that one leg looked inches shorter than the other
Poor Phyllis 😭
MOTHER MILDRED ENTERED THE CHAT LMAO HELL YEA
THE ALMIGHTY LIKES TO KEEP US GUESSING LMAO AMEN
she’s basically like “I thought about it but no one is better than me”
OO I KNOW THIS SONG, A BOP
SOMETHING TELLS ME IM INTO SOMETHING GOOD
OH hell bah Trix should’ve got in the van too😂
LMAO POOR PHYLLIS DROPPED THE TOMATO THIS IS SAD
thank god I wasn’t that badly injured
Also would rather be thrown pushed down stairs than use a bed pan skkssk
this reminds me of my grandfather who had emphysema and hated using his oxygen I’m sad already 😭 my heart
LMFAO MOTHER MILDRED GIVES NO F’S
TRIXIE😍😍 omg what a look, love the hair! And that purple outfit is so 60s I love it (like duh ofc 60s)
Aw shelagh
CYRIL OUT HERE SMOKING REEFER KSKSKS I LOVE IT
HE GETTING LIT IN THE CARIBBEAN CLUB BUT LEMME STOP
SISTER MJ LIED BC SHE WANTED THEM TOGETHER SO BAD, IM NOT THAT MAD ABOUT IT TBH
ANTHRAX? Wtfff omg
Ok but I love mother Mildred aka grandma from Balto
WHAT MAGIC FAJA WAS THIS LADY WEARING TO COVER THAT BABY BUMP?? I need to make me look skinny
She looks older than 17 btw lol
this is so sad wtf first the grandpa now the dad, this is not fine😭 who is gonna die first
“You’ve been the love of my life girl..” STOPPP I will start crying
where’s the loml?
I feel like this teenage mom story was just thrown in here & doesn’t seem like much rn but there’s still time I guess
I need Trixie’s Head scarf
But Trix just put mother Mildred in checkkkkk
plot twist, it’s baby #2
“Didn’t mean pastor in the literal sense..” Sister Monica Joan is so cute lmao she likes Cyril so much 😂😭
Wait this was on purpose? she wanted a baby lmao,, at 17?, can’t relate but ok lol
STILL ALIVE THEN? My whole family when I don’t text/call/FaceTime in like 2 days LMAO
This is gross but still my heart omg, the things we do for our grandmothers 😭😭
TAKE THE ICE CREAM MONEY SJSK THIS IS LEGIT MY ABUELA BUT BRITISH
IM CRYIN RN I MISS MY GRANDMA 😭 I just FaceTimed her but still, it’s not the same
Aight Patrick I really doubt you remember being 2 years old I barely remember being 20
And I still am 20 LMAO
Shelagh going to Sister J tho, just like always 😭 but also Sister Julienne has been pushed aside this series I feel a type of way
“MOTHER.” TELL EMMM
wow what rude ass parents
“I didn’t know Nuns were interested in politics” 😂
Ms Higgins throwing some more wisdom, we stan
Lucille looks so pretty! she came for her man yes gal
ah Cyril disapproves, let me down 😂😂
They’re both homesick, I’m emo again
Why did they give Vi some Jane Wyman cringey hair style?
LMAO Violet standing up for her man at least
NO THIS MAN DIDNT JUST LEAVE HER SUITCASES
“The hearing is the last thing to go” “.. Barney’s coming”
this is sad af fling me out the window
glad she’s getting help but again this teen mom story didn’t cut it for me
Srgt Woolfe still persistent lol, I’m not even mad tbh she’s not that bad anymore
Trixie’s hair looks so good once again
“MY GIFT IS MY PRESENCE” LMFAOOO THIS IS WHY ID TAKE A BULLET FOR SISTER MONICA JOAN
omg Trixie’s purse I need
The gas money 😂😭 Fred is so pure
But also pass them pounds over I need London is so expensive
He’s going to run for the union rep aww
STANDING, STANDING ON THE PROMISES OF GODDDDDD
Omg I love these old school hymns😂 they make me miss my mom’s side grandparents
CYRIL PULLED UP😭
“So where in the end do we belong? I’m the eyes of another, where we see ourselves reflected? Or arm in arm, with those whose faces echo ours, whose blood we share?”
Val with her grandma again  😭
everyone came to see Phyllis love the Nonnatus fam 😭
“... or is it in the heart or the family we create, where we are safest and best known and never lonely? Perhaps we belong where love can bloom, because we give it room to put down roots, and space in which to thrive...we all belong somewhere.. and what matters is to not to struggle but where we find our peace” 😭😭
 Vanessa Redgrave stop making me emo 
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kpop-forwhaat · 6 years ago
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alright sO, here’s a little story of how kpop helped me personally. but in order to share my story, i must start from the beginning. 
growing up, i’ve never had much family. my mom was constantly on drugs and my dad wanted nothing to do with me. my cousins and aunts wanted nothing to do with me either, they would say one thing and then never commit. my mom’s mother (grandma but she wanted us to call her mema bc it grandma made her feel old) also wanted nothing to do with me. so what i had growing up was my great grandmother and her son, my papa (grandpa). 
my mom was constantly on drugs, always moving us around from town to town whenever she made some enemies. i remember going to 7 different school districts by the time i had started my freshman year of high school. 
but throughout this entire time, my grandma and papa would always be there. when i was a toddler, my mom was caught and sentenced to 4 years in prison, while she was in prison, she had my little sister, we’ll call her Taylor. but that’s another story. 
so basically, my grandparents raised me together. 3 generations living peacefully, as well as my siblings. 
fast forward to 13 year old me. i was in my hometown, where my grandparents were raised, and I was living with them again at the time because they both had their own variants of cancer. so i offered to help with getting groceries and cleaning the house, so i lived with them. one day, my mom drops my sisters off for the ��weekend” and says she’ll be back on monday. i was stuck watching two elderly cancerous people as well as two little girls who are 5 (Haley) and 6 (Edith), for six months. my mom didn’t come back for six months. i had to enroll them in school, i forged her signiture. i washed, clothed, and fed 4 people at 13. 
fast forward 2 years later. 
my grandpa had just passed away from his 6th round of cancer, throwing my mom back into a deep spiral of drugs after being clean for almost 2 years after coming back. her dad just died, i understand that she was going through a lot. but with the lack of my father figure, my papa had become my dad, and my grandma had become my mom. 
my mom had moved out to live with her boyfriend at the time, as well as taking my little sisters Haley and Edith. that left me with my grandma, who i had no problems living with. she was beginning to get quite old, so i would help out even more. 
around christmas that year, my mom was kicked out of the house she was living in bc her boyfriend just recently went to prison and there was no reason for her to be living there with my sisters in a house with her bf’s parents. she had no where to go, and my grandma almost didn’t let her stay with us. hell, my mom didn’t even know where we lived. but i had convinced my grandma that my mom had changed, and that she just needs a place to live before she gets back onto her feet. 
boy, was that the biggest fucking mistake i’ve ever made. 
my mom used to be abusive before, whenever she would get high, she would get angry at something and then proceed to take it out on me, whether it be through physical violence or mental abuse. i learned to tune her out eventually, but years of damage had been done. 
i knew something was going on when she would bring strangers over, or i would hear her fucking her newest side piece in the living room at midnight in the same room while my sisters slept on the other couch. 
but one day, i had stayed home from school bc i had pulled a muscle in my back helping my grandma bring groceries into the house. i remember sitting in my room alone when two of her druggie buddies practically knock down my door and say that the cops are at the front door. they said they wanted to hide out in my room, and pleaded that my grandma don’t open the door. 
my grandma had nothing to hide, and she wasn’t going to stop the police from coming in when she knew that this could be the way to get my mother out of our lives for good. she opened the door, and the police found a fucking meth lab in the garage. 
my sisters and i were put into foster care in march of 2015. i was 15 years old. 
because my sisters could go and live with their dad, they weren’t sent to a foster home. i had no family that would take me in, other than my grandma but i couldn’t live in the house with the lab so i had to go to a home. 
fast forward to my junior year of high school.
i’ve always been fangirl. first it was one direction in middle school. then 5 seconds of summer after that. but then i had started watching kdramas on netflix and came across this one group. in their webdrama “To Be Continued...” Astro caught my attention. they were all so cute and i wanted to know more. 
so in my senior year of high school, i was finally living with my grandma again. i wasn’t in a foster home anymore, and i was happy. but then, my grandma had fallen ill, the fumes from the meth lab years ago were still fucking with her lungs, and she had stayed in the hospital for a few days. 
my social worker found out and told me that i can’t live with her anymore, unless i let my cousin move in. so that’s what happened. 
then in december, between christmas and new years, my grandma had fallen. she broke her hip and her collerbone. because of the injuries, she had to be transferred to around the clock care in a nursing home. 
that next february, with the stress of college applications and the fact that my own fucking mother figure was dying in front of my eyes, i attempted suicide in february of 2018. i had taken 30 tylenol pm tablets without hesitation. but once it had sank about what i had done, i immediately asked for help. i was in a hospital for 5 days, and then court ordered to go to a mental health facility. now this is where kpop really helped me. 
the other girls in the facility knew about kpop too. we all bonded over BTS, EXO, and other groups. before this, every other kid in the teens wing was there for attempted suicide. but when all of us girls started bonding over kpop, the therapists and helpers saw a change in our behavior. we weren’t sad anymore, we were happy, singing our favorite songs that we knew by heart. 
i know that i personally sang bs&t for days, and us girls even did our favorite choreo during physical times. it got to the point where one of our supervisors brought in tv, hooked up a computer to it, and let us watch music videos during our free times. 
i honestly don’t think i would’ve recovered as quickly as i did if i didn’t have those other girls, if i didn’t have kpop or BTS. they helped me, they saved me. and they continue to save me whenever i have a bad day, or i feel an episode coming on. BTS is my world, and i love and appreciate everything they do for us. 
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icharchivist · 6 years ago
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Thinking of siblings t/rauma (and considering i no longer have th/erapies to talk about it so gotta find a way to put it into words since it seriously makes me spiral down everytime someone talk about “real siblings dynamic”) I see them enough to try to see why it makes me that uncomfortable.
For the longest time i thought about it being the abandon issues; And i think it’s partially true.
My eldest sister ran away from home when I was 7, I barely have any memories of her, which is extremely frustrating because i know she was the person i was the closest to back then. My mom was always neglectful, my father was never here and always so.... him, hateable, and my other sister was jealous of me and always shut me down. (we have family videos that show it a lot, like my parents trying to capture me in video when i was a kid and my sister barging in and trying to take all the focus, this sort of things). My sister also told me later that one thing that killed her was that i was this close to our eldest, in a way she wasn’t, and she took it against me.
I have no memory of the person i was the closest to before I turned 7. She left around my 7th birthday and in between two times my mom was in the hospital bc of a cancer.
And it left... such a sour ambiance at home. My mother was already neglectful but from that point on, rightfully so though, she ended up in a major depression. My dad was an asshole and was mocking it all the time, probably not helping that he’s probably the reason she left to start with. And my sister felt so betrayed she pushed away everyone. It alligned with when i started to get bullied at school. And worse of all, I was 7, so no one took the time to tell me what’s going on. I originally thought she left for my grandmother’s house for months, when they told me my sister did a judicial procedure to be officially under my grandma’s care with a restrincting order on my parents I’ve heard it ways later bc my mom was crying that my sister was trying to put them in prison, without giving me any context. And then without warning, the trials ended, and my sister left the country with my grandmother never to be seen again- and it took them months to tell me that.
It’s the usual isn’t it with this family. They do horrible things that have horrible consequences but they never say anything about it and you have to deal with it. Shame i had to do it when I was 7.
Unhelpful either too is that i inherited my sister’s room when she left. I was surrounded by all of hers without even seeing her again. And I barely even remember why we were closer. I just know the few memories I have of her were loving and close, and I know my sister told me about it more, that I was copying my eldest all the time and it made her so happy and i have no memory of that.
The next year I think, my other sister got deadly sick and had to be hospitalized. My mom freaked out, not wanting to lose another daughter this soon, and stayed by her side all the time. During the 3 months she was at the hospital i was left alone with my dad who was, and still is, an asshole, who would drop me off at a mom’s friend’s house bc it was a bother taking care of me, and again i was having problems at school and I was barely told what was going on.
My sister told me that she believes she got sick because in a way, she felt my mom’s neglect this way. She feels like her body responded to all that tr/auma. The result though is that my sister ended up with a fragile health and my mom kept overprotecting her, being here all the time for her. But never for me. Who cares anyway.
The thing is that, we both lived my eldest sister’s departure badly, both my sister and I. And we were fighting all the time. Like “real siblings do” according to online popularity. We were seriously always fighting and bickering and it was vile. My sister was never nice to me, always shutting me out, always venomous, hating when i was trying to be around her, hating if i was even around when her friends were over. But there was nothing fun in all of that. Even playing together was always vile, with my sister constantly making me regret it. There is nothing from that time period I look foundly at. Because I had a loving sister before I guess, because we both had. And we were both lost, both abandonned, both with different memories to hold on to, and my sister coped by clinging to her friends and rejecting me, and i did while people were rejecting me everywhere by trying to cling to my sister and being constantly pushed away.
And I was all the more frustrated that my mom was covering her with attention but barely looked in my direction at all time. A thing i’ve felt back then and had to talk to to my family as i grew up and they all ended up agreeing that it totally happened. I used to hear “you just believe that because you’re the youngest and isn’t used to not having the attention on you” but nowadays if you ask either my sister or my mom they know it’s true.
A couple of years after my eldest sister left, my other sister managed to contact her again. They talked for a few weeks, and my sister didn’t tell me before a few weeks, where she told me we should never tell mom because our eldest still resented her. When I asked if i could talk to her, my sister told me not yet, that she was trying to arrange it but that for now our Eldest needed time to think about messaging me back.
All was ruined bc my mom discovered it and took my sister’s mail account to beg my eldest to come back. We have never known what exactly went on in that, except that my eldest blocked my sister and sent a letter back home, saying she never wanted to have anything to do with any of us ever again. We have never heard of her personally after that. A missed chance.
When I was around 13, my parents divorced.It was vile, it still is, it was a disaster, my father ruined my mom’s life to a poitn she had no future staying there anymore. And because she recontacted a childhood sweetheart she fell in love with again back then, she decided to move away on the Reunion Island.
My sister and I had a choice. To stay with my father, or to leave with my mom.
I was bullied badly at school and was never close to my father. I took the chance as a fresh new start. My sister though had a good life, good friends, she was one year away from finishing high school, she had a boyfriend, a stable life. She refused to leave and stayed with my father.
The last few months before we left were the weirdest. It’s when my sister started to open up to me a little more. We were doing more sibling things like watching TV shows until late in her room, discussing together, sneaking up food. I think it was when we realized that we weren’t going to see each other again for a while. It was a weird time.
When we finally left with my mom, my sister ceased all contact with us. Mainly, because she felt abandonned; Because she wished we wouldn’t have left. Because she had been abandonned before and we wer eputting her through that again. So on my side, i also felt abandonned. Even if our relationship was weird with my sister, we were there. It was different than to have your sister ignoring your mails. Not after havign dealt with the total absence of the eldest one.
It lasted about a year. In that year, I came to visit for the summer holidays and my sister came to visit for the winter holidays. In between them, we barely talked. Aside from those two times, we never talked.
My uncle is a musician- in summer, we celebrated my sister’s birthday, and my uncle insisted that i sing a song for my sister when I was there. I picked a song half in french half in english, a duet. The english part resents the french part for having left, for not trying to make the relationship work, while the french parts talks about “if it’s too late to come back, i would come back in time and of all that i’m made of, i would give it back to you, even if we have to learn it all again/I wish i would have given you all about myself, instead of leaving, make everything anew between us again, instead of lying talking about our differences- loving you in another way than backward.” I still cry when i hear this song. So does my sister. She came running into my arms crying that day telling me how unfair it was to make your sister cry on her birthday.
Things got worse for my sister when we were away. my father kicked her out of the house as soon as she turned 18. She had a hard time adjusting to her new life, and she took mom being away even harder.
On my side, i was still bullied at school, had to deal with the step family, ahd to deal with my father being an asshole, and had my mom collapse on me completely because she “lost two daughters” as my sister didn’t talk to her anymore. I had to deal with my mom’s depression all that time. and mine that started to settle in. It was a bad time.
For a time, my mom managed to contact back her mother. It was a weird time. They echanged mails a few time. My grandmother as diagnosticked with a cancert so she wanted to contact back the daughter she had lost in all of that. But, as i mentioned before- my eldest sister left to live with my grandmother. My mom cherished this newfound bound with her mom to try to discover what became of my eldest sister. My grandma always shut her down though.
My mom got another divorce (which she subtlely blamed on me for mentioning i wanted to come back in France for my highschool) and..... She asked my grandmother if they could go live where they lived, on another island. It would have made us in contact with the Eldest again. My mom wanted my sister to come and join us. My grandma first accepted but refused to let us talk to my eldest sister for a while. We organized moving away to that island to live back with them, and it was.... so stressful. My sister hadn’t been answering to us since the plan had happened, i still didn’t know what i want, and i was terrified about meeting my eldest sister i have almost forgotten everything about then.
A couple of weeks before we officially had to put our stuff on the boat to that island, my grandmother called to tell us not to come close; That my eldest sister didn’t want to see us ever again, that she was furious it was even made without her accord, and that we weren’t welcomed. At the last minute, we had to reschedule the whole moving away thing to France back again. With my mom more destroyed than ever for having that hope this close and it being crushed.
I don’t even remember how i felt back then. I started developping a deadly skin disease because of stress, and this sickness still follows me to that day. So i guess I really didn’t take it well. I reached my breaking point.  (it took months for my parents to actually start worrying about the fact my skin was falling apart and i was screaming in pain lmao. It took months. When I finally got to see a doctor about it i got yelled at because I was close from being worth being hospitalized because of how bad it became.)
Came back in France, troubles with my father got worse, as history knows, and my mom was crushed. My sister on the other end... well we moved back to the city she lived. But my mom was clinging to her, was quite and still is suffocating to her. And my sister never liked it. So she put on barriers, took her distances, which made my mom be worse in worse.
For what it’s worth, even if we didn’t see each other a lot, we saw each other fairly often. And my relationship with my sister had definitly changed since.
Since I came back, we are closer than we ever were. My sister isn’t someone i really have a lot in common with- not at all, and when it comes to advice, my sister tends to give some of the worst advice, or neglect how i feel, and put me into mess of situations. She doesn’t consider how i feel all that much or insist that i’m blowing things out of proportion. Yet despite this, when we are together, we smile, we laugh, we joke, we tease, we hug, we watch stuff, we have fun.
It’s far from perfect. Sometimes we have fights. sometimes they’re petty and still loving, in a way our fights weren’t before. Sometimes they are full blown fights. One of those i remember pushed me to a full blown panic attack.
But there are a lot of differences. of my sister sometimes wanting me around more, of her wanting me to meet her friends, to know her universe, things she never did before. And we get along well for two people as different as we are.
And we talked a lot about our common tr/auma. Of how we both dealt about our eldest sister, about our parents.
But with all of this, the fights we have with my sister are never things i look endearingly at thinking “yup that’s what siblings are like”. This is things that pushes me to cry and collapse because “why are we doing this again haven’t we been through enough”.
Everytime i read about “what normal siblings do”, “how normal siblings behave”, “how eldest sister are oppressed”/”if you’re a youngest child you don’t know anything about the suffering of the eldest”, this sort of posts, I spiral down exactly in all of that i just mentioned. All of that starts to haunt my mind again until i collapse crying and desperate.
My family ruined my life in every single aspect.I cannot blame my eldest sister for having ran away from it. I’m glad she did. But the abandon that came out of it destroyed me, and destroyed any relationship in this family. And even if i look more lovingly to the relationship i have with my other sister, as we are closer than before, she is still... terrible at times. In a way that I don’t think most people can relate to. Because of our family, because of our history.
And all of this mess? Even if i’m sure there’s more to it, and well, this post focuses on siblings but anyone who knows me know my relationship with my mom and father (and step families) extend all sort of stresses and things worth being depressed about. Adding the bullying and my abusive r/elationship on top of that and the fact i didn’t have proper friends before high school, and you have someone who can barely rely on people.
It ruined my mental health. I’m just symptoms over symptoms at this point. My only good personality trait is my overobsession on stuff but that’s because it’s the only way i manage to forget that this is the mess i come from. I can only define myself to  what my depression and family left me. To all that tr/auma; And it’s haunting. It stops me from sleeping every night. It pushes me to the most horrible thoughts.
All while knowing I cannot change anything about it. Thinking of a future is bleak. This is all too much of a burden to think about.Even if now i’m lucky to have friends who care and love me. I don’t even know what can be the path for recovery from that point on. All I know is that the first step will be to get away from this family in one way or another, but i’m far from being able to take this step. And i’m left with my memories.
I mentioned f.rozen and how i hate how ppl bash the sibling dynamic in it in my other post and i think i can continue my point here: i don’t relate to the relationship of Elsa and Anna, but I wish i could. This is the ultimate fantasy for me. In a way my depression defines me too much, my panic attacks, all of that. But i know what it’s like to be shut away, to be abandonned for a long part of our life, to have lost controle of it, most likely because of bad advices from your parents. In a way, F.rozen talks to me because it’s the ultimate fantasy of a broken disfunctional family where the siblings eventually make it out okay and tries to mend what was broken, to try to understand why it happened, to reach out when the other is freaking out. That’s something i can never have and never will, and will never work with the types of siblings that i have. But the simple fantasy of it being something people can achieve in a fantasy world in which you can escape for 1h40? I’m so glad it exist. I love l.ilo and stiches,and i love the sibling relationship in it, but it’s not comparable. It’s more realistic, more grounded in reality. And it’s exactly what i’m running away from. The sibling conflict is nothing alike the F.rozen’s one. I hate when people pit those two movies against each other as “one being the supperior sisters movie” like apparently there’s only one way to portray siblings into movies and straying away from it is a mistake.
I’m just babbling now i have a headache from having cried the whole time i typed that.
it’s been a while i posted a T/rauma time on my tumblr.
But this is what i mean everytime i say i get mad at “sibling cultures” posts. This is what gets through my mind the whole time.
I just wish it wasn’t.
*sighs* i’ll go back to watch my movie now if you excuse me.
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majorxmaggiexboy · 6 years ago
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i recently remembered a film my brother and i watched several times as children, and that got me thinking about the other stuff we would watch. most of which seems kind of weird on reflection. we don’t actually have any of these anymore, so just for funsicles i’m trying to think of the films and see if i can remember any of the details before actually googling them.
     Live Action
Two Brothers - a couple of tiger cubs are captured by poachers or something and separated from each other. one is trained to perform in the circus and is also fed candy by some guy, the circusmaster is an absolute [censored]. the tiger learns to jump through fire which is important later. the other cub is given to a little boy (TERRIBLE IDEA) and is a pet for a while until he’s sold to someone else. the tigers are eventually reunited but then they’re chased by people with guns who try to trap them by setting things on fire BUT because the first tiger learned not to be scared of fire he shows his brother how to jump through it and they escape and are reunited with this other tiger that has a hole in her ear from a really close call with poachers. i think she’s their mom.
Gunther and the Paper Brigade - idk if it was knock-off Newsies or what but like there’s this kid named Gunther whose brother keeps an ant farm and said the line “did you know that all the ants in the world would weigh as much as all the people in the world?” and i think they’d just moved to a new house but Gunther joins some kind of newspaper group and at first he is AWFUL at delivering papers like he just slings em any ol’ place but then he gets into a sort of war with a bully and i think somebody orally siphoned some gasoline at one point and the brother’s ants definitely came into play and in the end Gunther was really good at delivering papers. He rode a bike. at one point he’s hanging out at the mall pretty often for some reason and his brother teases him about it.
Ben Wagner - Uhhh family moves to new town, kid has an older sister and a younger sister, there’s a freaky adult at the school who said the line “Wagner. Waaaagner. I’ve got it. The name is now set. in my. brain....,,..”  Benny’s miserable for some reason but he meets a kind of mysterious girl who takes him to visit her elderly relative but to get there they have to walk across a log that’s across a river/waterfall type of situation. the elderly relative says something to the effect that if they all stand on one side of the house it’ll tip over. Ben regularly visits these people. His dad gives him some chores but he half-arses all of them and the dad walks him around to each thing (like the car that was supposed to be washed, the garage that was supposed to be tidied, w/e) and goes “you did a lousy job”. The older sister wants money for something but hasn’t saved up her allowance so she demands money from Ben and says the line “I bet you have tons of money squirreled away”. He goes to visit the mysterious girl and her relative but his little sister follows him and falls off the log bridge so he jumps in the water to save her and he manages it but then they’re both in the hospital.
No More Baths - Guy runs a club for kids and has some rules in place specifically to keep the kids safe but one kid breaks the rules and winds up getting himself hurt so the guy who just wanted to do nice things for the community kids gets straight up ARRESTED and his dog is put in the pound and the whole thing was some racially-motivated bull and the kids aren’t having it so they protest by refusing to bathe and i think they get to testify at the guy’s hearing too and anyway he wins so then the kids go play in some water bc they haven’t washed in weeks.
Goosebumps: Night in Terror Tower: Some dude is a little too enthusiastic about explaining to two children how the Rack works “It stretched, annnd streeettched, unTIL HIS BOOOOOOOOONES, WERE PUUULLLLLLLLED...poP. Right Out Of Their Sockets. :) “ and then those kids get chased around by some dude who wants to kill them or something. they try to buy a bus pass but they have medieval currency and the girl’s like “Our parents wouldn’t give us play money” but then they wind up in like actual medieval England. I think the girl’s name was Sidney.
Bunch of Assorted Wildlife Documentaries: idk there was a thing about an elephant painting and a lot to do with dolphins idk i think there was a bit of Steve Irwin in there too
     Cartoons
The Gallivants - like Divergent but with very Orange ants who are assigned a career? or pick out a career? but when they reach adulthood they’re all supposed to develop something called a “kabump” which is like an extra segment for their creepy insect bodies. They wear shoes and their limbs can have either pink stripes or blue stripes. they might wear gloves? anyway the protagonist is named something like “Shando” and he doesn’t develop his “kabump” on time so it’s scandalous. His friends desert him or something.  I think he wanted to be a musician and so makes himself a fake kabump but he plays the saxophone a little too vigorously or something and makes it come off, at which point he’s shamed and rejected by literally everyone but at some point he also tries to work in construction but accidentally breaks stuff and is told “You’re not a Con-struct. You’re a DE-STRUCT.” then he wanders around in a labyrinthine cave fighting a two-headed creature called something like, The VanterViper that wants to kill all the baby ants or something at i think in the end he’s appointed like official Mom of all the babies or something of that nature
The Ugly Duckling - Standard retelling of the classic tale, this one was created almost exclusively to sell Crayola products i’m pretty sure. This version has a baby swan just trying to live his best life but then a bunch of [redacted] sing at his adoptive mom about how “one bad apple spoils the batch” and he either runs away or gets kicked out. then he runs into a mouse who wears boots and has red hair and she proceeds to call him “Ugly” as if that’s his name, for the entire rest of the movie. He winds up inside a house at one point and two freaky looking cats sing at him about the importance of having “a high IQ” i think a church burns down and he saves the mouse? over the course of the film he gets more and more swan-like in appearance and maybe works for a theater for a little while and then everyone loves him.
Scamper - a bunch of penguins are trying to hatch their eggs but then they’re attacked by...something....and one penguin feels bad about losing some eggs so he takes someone else’s but then admits what he did and returns the egg to its real parents and everyone mourns the loss of their children while being grateful for the survivors. when the eggs hatch there’s like a little pink penguin and a little bluish penguin and they’re friends, they’re learning to slide during Penguin School but then they get captured and wind up on a boat and there’s a dog. They eat really tasty-looking crackers out of bags and are terrorized by the ship’s crew until they manage to escape and find their way back home to their grieving parents.
Willy the Sparrow - a sick (literally and figuratively) young boy has fun bullying a cat and being a [redacted] to birds but then an elderly woman turns him into a sparrow to teach him a lesson. He meets other birds, all of whom have decidedly human heads of hair, including an old man sparrow who teaches him to fly. he winds up challenging the former child-leader-of-the-sparrows for power using his human smarts to amaze them all and eventually leads an attack on the cat who rightfully holds a massive grudge against him. idk he like helps them find food or something and then gets turned back into a human maybe
The Seventh Brother - a young child is moving to a new place and brings her puppy, but somehow his carrier is knocked out of the car??? or something?? and he winds up lost in the forest but is rescued by a large family of rabbits who teach him how to act like a rabbit. He saves one of them from being carried off by a bird but then begins to die of malnutrition as dogs can’t live on the same diet as rabbits for any length of time. also, he rescues a former tormentor from a creepy-as-hell predator and is badly wounded in the process, prompting the rabbits to band together to get him home to his owner. they succeed and he’s pretty much cured by one (1) bowl of puppy food.
Some Blue’s Clues Special: idk whatever’s the one with the treble-clef and the treasure hunt where the ‘treasure’ turned out to be Steve’s grandma’s cookies that you can tell the exact taste and smell of just by looking at them and also the grandma made an appearance too
That Weird Puppet Cat in the Hat Thing with the grouchy bird who had to be taught how to play pretend but then was pushed into a panic attack when the group was playing pirates and he imagined it too vividly so then they explained that he could change the story at any time and also at one point they played a game called “pass the yawn” and the bird just went OFF more than once
Some cartoon, i think it was Anastasia, where at one point someone’s taking some stuff away and the girl says what on reflection i think might have been “My luggage!” but at the time i thought was “my lungs!” and i spent the whole movie thinking they done straight up confiscated the girl’s lungs.
The Swan Princess - and i remember nothing except the way Odette would say “Darren!” and the fact that she spent a lot of time as a bird and there was a puffin. also Darren was one of my early crushes purely because i liked his name.
The Secrets of NIHM 2: main character’s name was Timothy and was one of the first characters i mentally fanfic’d about. there was some song that was like “Just! say! Yes!” where i think he was being pressured to do drugs or be experimented on or something but mostly i remember him singing “I am my father’s son” and me being so confused thinking “well yeah?? Who else’s son could you be???”
idk some Thumbalina thing all i remember is “Deary! Marry the Mole!”
Friggin’ Barbie Rapunzel there was a purple(?) dragon and Rapunzel liked to paint and that movie was where i learned the word “adequate” and i’m still mad at that woman for being so rude like lady. who raised you. where are your manners. i think the dad dragon wanted the purple dragon to hate humans or something idk
some other film where there was a very definitely purple dragon but i can’t remember any details so it’s just going to haunt me forever but it was like a small-ish purple dragon.
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findsomeoneelse · 6 years ago
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       This might be a very angsty thing to say but I kind of legit hate my dad. He complains all the time that my brother (who i think probably has depression or something rn) and I don’t help him around the house but 1) when we do he’s a huge asshole, literally calls me retarded all the time bc he’ll verbally tell me like 10 things in a row to do and my ADD ass can’t remember it like that and he often  threatens me as well (and there have been incidents with physical violence between him and me). 2) gives us the most useless and asinine tasks i.e. vacuuming a BRICK PATIO or WASHING ROCKS. 3) will ask us when it’s convenient for HIM, my brother and I are 20 and 21 and have either a job or school and for a while I was doing both. 4) he is NEVER satisfied no matter how much we do. 
        And concerning the physical violence shit I have so much pent up feelings about it. As far as I know he’s never come after my brother like that. He may have hit my mom before but I’m not sure. I just know that once they got into a bad argument or something bc he was being really loud bc of a football game and then suddenly my mom was crying (she doesn’t cry a lot) grabbed us kids and went to our grandma’s. He’s also kicked every dog we’ve ever had, literally drop kicked one through a small tree bc it chewed the blinds and then left him outside to run away while he took off to who knows where to sulk. But my point is he has NEVER treated my brother the way he has treated me and it shows. My brother gets away with avoiding so much work and a fuck-ton of lying. My dad almost never invades his space or commandeers his stuff. I’ve almost failed several big school projects in the past bc he’d randomly decide to punish me or that his stupid yard work was more important and that it was my fault for not accounting for his random chores. 
         I literally keep a bug-out bag in my car and a knife by my bed bc of him. I spent my entire junior and senior years of high school with a stomach ache every single day and horrible insomnia from anxiety bc if he wasn’t threatening me with violence he was talking about kicking me out of the house for no real reason. His response to my worsening mental health was to make jokes or just ignore me when I managed to finally muster up the determination to say something. If my mom hadn’t taken action and helped me get help I’d most likely be dead now. I’m still trying to rebuild my self esteem that he destroyed. Then years after I was on medication (that he was opposed to and mocked, my mom was the only one on top of that) and doing better he had the fucking audacity to ask me about how I was doing. Me being like 16 yrs old I lacked the vocab to say that I feel that he forfeited the right to ask me those things so I just shrugged it off.
          He insults and mocks every friend I have in some way shape or form. He also once told me that some older friends I was extremely close to at the time would eventually get tired of hanging out with an annoying little kid so I should get used to them not being around bc they would leave me. I mean he was right about that, and they were pretty toxic for me but that was really fucked up and I’ll never forget it.
          I finally have a good romantic relationship now, with a boy surprisingly, and he’s so sweet to me. Every time he tells me anything remotely kind I almost fucking cry bc I immediately assume he’s lying or somehow delusional. We had our first sort of disagreement, it wasn’t even that big a deal he had just made a few jokes that had upset me, but I was so terrified to bring it up and was so ready for a fight that when he simply apologized for his behavior and promised to correct it I immediately broke down in tears of relief. I’m so terrified for him to meet my dad bc I don’t want him to belittle and invalidate us, or try and take away all our privacy in a weird attempt at policing my sexuality (he has tried something like this in the past with my brother). I’m also so scared my boyfriend will just assume my dad is a normal nice guy and that I’m crazy, bc my dad is good at appearances. We’re well-off but honestly the only reason my brother and I ever see any of that money is bc of our mom, she handles the finances (and p much everything else around here). 
        That’s another thing I hate is that bc I turned out okay everyone assumes he must be a good parent. I had to work so fucking hard to become who I am now DESPITE him NOT because of him. I had to work so hard to become a kinder person, and learn to motivate, comfort, advocate, take care of myself. I’m an intelligent person (at least i’ve been told I am) bc I work to teach myself, both in school and life. I had to learn all my emotional intelligence and social skills myself. I’m working to make my life good and full of the love I never felt from him and to a slightly lesser extent my mom. I’m still working at it. Which is why I’m just as afraid that he’ll be accepting of my relationship and be “proud” or whatever. Thinking he raised a confident and smart daughter. That he has any right to be a voyeur to my happiness or take any credit for it.  
      I work hard so work through so many issues he caused in me on my own. I work so hard to keep myself from sabotaging my current relationship bc I feel unworthy or like it will just vanish. I still can’t fully grasp that this boy could genuinely like me and feel like I’m worthy of his time and effort bc of how stupid and ugly my dad has made me feel my entire life. I have so many things I want to tell my SO but in the moment feel like I physically cannot get the words out for fear of looking stupid when he finally leaves me. I still have so many walls up with him and I really don’t want to but I can’t get them down bc I’m so fucking scared despite all the evidence he’s given me that he cares about me and just wants to know me. It’s honestly incredible how just having someone like him has changed me for the better. He makes me feel smart and capable, like I can have the life I want. He doesn’t see any of the shit my dad seems to see in me and hate. Like fuck the fact that I only seemed to need one stable and loving relationship in my life to succeed really says something I think. 
       I hate feeling like I can’t talk to my own parents, well mostly my mom, but they really make it impossible. My dad bc you never know what will piss him off or if he even gives a shit and my mom bc she will probably tell him whatever you tell her. I have other adults, my aunt (my mom’s older sister) and uncle (tho he’s a newer addition to the family, they married last year.) but I’m so scared to talk to them in case they slip up and let stuff slip to my parents. My aunt also just doesn’t Get a lot of things like mental illness so she can invalidate ppl and be mean. She does encourage me a lot tho, more than my parents EVER have. 
      My SO doesn’t have much of an idea of my relationship w my family other than it seems strained and we barely talk despite all living together. He sometimes half-jokingly tells me I should spend more time with them or make an effort too, and I don’t tell him that I’m not the one who fucked that up for us. I try not to talk about any of this with him yet, and I honestly don’t know when a good time is or how to go about it. He’s gotten little hints here and there before I change the subject. He has a relatively big family that he regularly spends time with, so I don’t know if he’d understand all this. His dad is a little similar to mine in the sense that he always seems to have weird projects around the house that he drags them into but it doesn’t seem like he’s violent. I honestly don’t know what to say about the physical abuse. I’m so scared of how he’ll react. I’m scared he’ll brush it off, I’m scared he’ll get super concerned or angry for me. I just don’t want it to change how he sees me. People seem to get the impression that I’m confident and that I don’t take shit, and it makes me feel so embarrassed that I let myself be pushed around by my dad.
      If anyone actually reads this post and has suggestions for talking to an SO about this stuff (especially in the case of an abuser being good at manipulation/gas lighting) let me know any suggestions you have. I thought by this point in this rant I’d have some sort of clarity but I don’t really. My dad has been slightly better the last year or so, since we moved to a new house that’s bigger and we’re on opposite sides of it. After one of his worst outbursts (at the beginning of my senior year) I gave him a book about male abuse in an attempt at confrontation but I doubt he read it. He’s been better but I can’t let go of all these feelings. Older people tell me that eventually I’ll forgive him and move on but I honestly don’t want to. I don’t want him to just get away with treating us like garbage. Maybe that makes me petty and childish but I am barely 20 so. It be like that. Might make a separate post about my brother might not. I love him but dudes got issues rn.
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omgchickmik · 4 years ago
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story
My story. 
one of my earliest memories was playing with my favorite toy horses. Big Girl, Joe, Jane and Jim. I was playing them with my sister and I think my grandma had gotten me them. There was just something about horses that I absolutely had to have. Growing up was spent in the pool, riding bikes with my best friend Niki, swimming at grandma and grandpa’s, tree house adventues with my sister Kristi and Niki and playing and playing with Barbies, Maple Town and of course horses. 
I was a bit of a stinker if I didn’t want to do something, I DID NOT WANT TO DO SOMETHING. Like dance. Fuck dance. So I would sneak over to grandma’s house (mom and dad would freak like you would wtf is my child!?) and I would be at grandma’s and be like grandma will tell you that dance sucks and I shouldn’t do it. Grandma and grandpa always had my back. 
The biggest best thing evvver was taking horse back riding lessons. I started when I was in pre school and it was the best thing evvver. I would watch any tv show, westerns, Mr. Ed anything that had horses in it just to watch horses. My sister took lessons with me but soon it was just me taking lessons. 
I remember the first time I fell off, I was cantering and froze when the trainer asked to slow the horse down. around and around i went faster and faster then the horse cut down the middle I fell but my leg was still in the striupp so i got dragged a little bit till the horse came to the trainer and stopped. My mom flipped. but i was like ok, i get back on now. That’s what jim from man from snowy river said. not shaken up at all. 
I wondered why there was a blimp in my mom taking me to lessons and my grandparents. Bc apparently after that my mom was like i am not taking you riding anymore and of course in came grandma and grandpa to take me to lessons. I remember i would blow kisses to them everytime i passed them by in the ring :). 
All i wanted was a horse. my mom said when i was 10 i could get one. so when i turned 10 and didnt have a horse of my own i was a bit upset. and durning this time my family decided to move to west palm beach, about an hour away from where i was. but all my best friends were there and grandma and grandpa i coulnd’t believe this shit! and no one asked me! sooo i hid, threw out checks i thought were going to the house, what a brat i was. and made a fuss when it came to moving. 
we did move and i found a best friend there, jackie, she had not 1 horse but 3!! the coolest person ever. we hung out all the time, playing barbies, horses, pretending to be horses, being tom boys, swimming having the best time. then i started taking riding lessons and the cooolest thing i started showing horses! my dream come true! and so was jackie! 
soon we got a call from her mom i wanna say who said go to this barn and try out this horse. so we did. his name is sinful and we became bessst friends. first we leased him and showed him then turning 11 my dad, grandpa and a neighbor built me a barn! and sinful came to stay at our house i had a horse!! We did all the compeitions and won so many as well. we did western, english, jumping but i would say our favorite was trail rides and trail rides with jackie. 
in middle school jackie and i had different classes and i didn’t have that many friends. i took to another favorite thing of mine. movies. i would watch, the lion king, twister and the cable guy. enter jim carrey. i wanted to be jim carrey., i would dress up like ace ventura nearly every friday for ace ventura fridays. i was not cool but jackie accepted this and contuned being my best friend.
in high school i took drama and was introduced agaikn to chorus something i did in elementary school. and the chorus kids took me in and introduced me to broadway. 
i thought broadway was trash but they took me to see rent and i reconsidered. i was then deciding i wanted to be maureen in rent and needed to go to nyc stat!
i got accepted into amda and as my parents tried to convince me not to go i went and made some incredible friends and actually learned how to dance. all the while i was there i was still missing sinful and horses. so when i came home to go to fau - i was not happy about - i made a point to get back into horses and started competing in the jumpers with alfonso. 
the coolest horse show is called wef. and i wanted more than anything to ride in wef. i got a job to pay for lessons and by the 4 years i finally got to show in jumpers at wef! while at fau i met some amazing people and roomed with one my best friends smisek who introduced me to alternative music and a person who just loves music and i wanted to love music as much as she did. 
so we went to some shows together and saw eric hucthinson. during this time my sister was making a album of her own and performing something i never thought one could just do. and while at amda i started making up songs for people but didn’t think anything of it. till i saw eric and he was funny and also made up songs. so smiske and i went to open mics and as a grad present my dad got me a keyboard that i took to nyc. 
moving back to nyc i went to auditions for theater but didn’t care and came home and said i was going to pursue a career in songwriting and they were actually excited, which surprised me. 
i went to see eric play and asked him after hwo to get a start as a songwriter and he suggested, playing open mics. so i did. 
i met a boy who turned out to be  a shit and wrote songs about him, then met a very nice producer and he recorded and helped me put together my songs. and i finally had something to offer and started playing out. 
my mom says you never know if you dont ask. so i asked this one artist if i could open for them. they said yes. then i wrote to eric asking the same thing. then i saw him in person randomly at a bar and talked to him and after that he wrote me back saying to look out for dates. i did. and then he reached out to me to open for him.
i did a fucking great job on that show! and he asked me to open for him again. during this time i was working at a riding barn in the bronx and had to yell to talk to students and compete with all the other trainers talking, so my voice was upset. needless to say at the next show my voice bombed and cracked in multiple spots and i felt like a complete failiure. 
i went home and decieded to change my voice teacher and found ron. and i decided to leave my teaching job and try to get a job at soulcycle. 
while working at soulcycle i was working with ron on finding my voice. i got signed to this silly college label and released my first full length album with dave and did a kickstarter to help get a little bit more money to finish it. 
playing a show for one of the pre kickstarter shows i met brian. i wasn;t that into him at first, as his friends introduced him as a douche. but when he came to another show, brought people and hung out at karaoke later i began to get into him. 
we started dating and then we fell in love! 
i got to open for dweezil zappa bc my dad had entered me into this submission to open for him. after soundcheck he asked if i would be interested in joining his band and going on tour. i thought he was crazy. but he was serisous. 
he sent me about 40 songs to learn and i went to la to rehearse, ron and i worked over time. i got to go on my first tour! it was so cool! i had a bottom bunk and would make sure i prioritixed my voice when it came to the tour and go lots of sleep. we played amazing places like red rocks and also got to to europe for the first time and went to finland and even norway! the band is incredible and made me feel so good and happy to be with them. i wanted to be able to pursue my own music so i didn’t continue in their band but i hope one day they ask me to sing with them again. 
back in nyc i was at soulcycle and they were kind of poops to me. but i started a musical sketch team called misc. filled with amazing funny peoeple and we make up funny sketches with music and my good friend pete plays all the music for us! but that started bc the magnet theater would never let me into their musucial improv teams so i created my own. 
brian and i got married on a rooftop in bk and it was amazing! so perfect! we did so many of the crafts and all of the flowers. we got this cute dog finn and cat hiccup!
i then thought it would be fun to move down to nc to be and spend time with my family and sinful! so we moved here last oct and have been since. its been fun to have a yard, dishwasher, dryer and washer! I now teach my own spin classes and i get to see sinful everyday and try to make him the happiest pony ever! finn loves going to the barn too! and it’s been fun spending time with my nephews and niece. i hope i help them feel better about somethings like school they don’t really like. i also helped kim move out of mom and dads house and into her own and aj into his apt which was so cute. and now i am finally learning and developing the business side of my music and all my little side hustles. i feel really happy and grateful. 
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crocoguile · 5 years ago
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I’m actually going to jump in here! It’s somewhat of a cultural divide as much as it is a generational divide from my experience!
I was born and raised in what at the time was a very small suburb of Colorado Springs/Pueblo in colorado and then when OSP left Pop and we moved to the Cincinnati area I really got experience in this.
In Colorado, I was young enough that if I were to show up at a friends house, I was welcomed in and there was always a cursory call to OSP from Kenya and Tanya’s mom like “your kid got out of your yard but we’ve got [him] and the [kids] are gonna work on their dance stuff and then play for a while I guess if you don’t need [Russ] for a while.” If I had shown up at Justine’s that would have been a little more concerning because I’d have had to hoof it a lot further, and back in the day we were taught to lock our doors at night and always keep a dog in eyesight in the yard when we played because we were close to several prisons.
In the suburb of ‘Nati that I loved in, when we were in apartments it wasn’t odd for us kids to go and knock on one another’s patio doors because the front doors were locked in the later apartments, but in the first set I lived more at Danny and Alan’s than I did at home, especially during school breaks because they went “no you’re our [brother] now” because it wasn’t hard for them to realize something was up about my safety and sanity at home, I think.
Once I was in a house, one of my best friends lived two doors down at her grandmas for a while and at that point, she had a key to OSP’s and her doors were never locked so we came and go as we pleased. If I were at dad’s, you could always walk in because biologically or by marriage, I’m 1 in 8, but I had two godbrothers my dad adopted when their dad passed away (boy’s ma died when we were all kids and there was a solid six months the twins could be found on OSP’s living room floor in a state of despondence) and then my two oldest friends who basically lived with us as much as we basically lived with them.
Mom can show up at her sister’s and let herself in if she needs to and absolutely will if it isn’t a bad day, and they don’t give a shit bc OSP tends to just... boredly tidy up and then get high with Molly (the dog, not the drug lmao but can you imagine) or go swimming in the summer at the other house and hang out with the cats. When her brother was still alive, that was p normal too, and then Billy’d be stoked because SISTER and there’s always a food to be had.
Any of us grandkids can appear at any grandparents and they’d be like HEY HI TIME TO FEED YOU and with Audrey you’ll just watch perry mason for six years and eat candy, or with Elder pop or Feru you’re put to work doing shit their old bodies aren’t as great for (like replacing roof tiles or helping moves plants around in the garden when it’s Time).
But I refuse to just appear places without a cursory note if I don’t have a key. Trey won’t go to OSP’s without calling first. Spork will but that’s because he’s never had qualms about walking in like he owns the place because he’s usually got at least an eighth on him and can bribe my mom off with it. 
But I won’t even show up to my older sister’s unannounced if I’m in the area despite still having a key because I always feel uncomfortable being in other’s spaces without them there.
There are a few exceptions to this, mostly having been my friend Cryo’s because I was in his basement and later apartment so much, and if Iwi were to be in my apartment I’d just be stoked to see her because we basically shared my bedroom for a year and a half on weekends. 
IDK TL;DR in our generation it takes a very long amount of very close familiarity to give no fucks the closer to the Big City you live. 
So, my cousins just showed up at my house. One lives a few hours north of me and has a cold, and the other lives to the south in a city with way more cases than where I live. I had to kick them out of my house and be like “Sorry! I’m immunocompromised so we’re quarantining. Good to see you! Love you! Bye!!!”
They got like three steps in before I said they had to leave. It’s kinda sad because they are some of my favorite cousins and I don’t get to see them very often but also who goes on a road trip right now???? And WHY WOULD YOU GO VISIT PEOPLE WHILE SICK????
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Im wanting to purchase a 50cc bike, derbi gpr 50 racing, 2009. it would be kept in a garage, and im only looking for third party cover. the bike costs 1650, and i have passed my cbt and have a provisional license. do i even need insurance?""
Whats an Affordable Auto insurance if you have 2 at fault accidents?
Hi I just turned 18 and in May I was blocked in at school and I had to leave. I hit a car and was dropped from Geico because it was my 2nd at fault accident. It just left a scratch on the car but still. I want to go to college full time and I need a job but I cant go to college at all if I have to pay 300 a month, which esurance was the lowest quote I got. So is there any places that can help me with my insurance so I can work part time and go to school full time?""
""Please help, student health insurance?""
I live in New York i'm 19 and go to college. Recently i have been having this heartbeat rhythm in my ear for the past couple of weeks. Anyways i want to see a doctor because my ear is starting to hurt a little.But i have no health insurance or anything in NY. My parents live in VA, when i used to live in VA i was covered through my parents health insurance. Is there anything i can do ? Any affordable health insurance companies i can look into? Any health clinics ? Does the state of NY provide anything for college students?""
Is there any insurance company that accepts sr22 insurance required cdl driver who need just bobtail insurance?
I have sr22 restriction on my cdl. And just bought my truck. Its really hard to find Bobtail insurance some ppl call it non trucking liability insurance because of my driving record or sr22 (I guess its samething). Is there any insurance company or agency out there who might accept?
I drive a 1984 chevy 2500 and i want to know how much for basic insurance would cost?
1984 chevy 2500 clean title 120,000 miles""
Altima Coupe SE 3.5 Insurance Estimate?
Who knows what the cost would be for a male teenage driver with good grades to drive a Nissan Altima Coupe 3.5 SE?
Can you get car insurance in British Columbia from anyone other than ICBC?
I've been searching around and it seems that nobody will sell insurance in a province that has a government insurance agency?
Good insurance companies for young drivers?
Good insurance companies for young drivers?
Estimated car insurance premium for a Camaro/Corvette?
I am looking to buy either a 2002 Camaro (5.7L V8) or a 2000 - 2002 Corvette (5.7L V8). I am wondering how much insurance will cost me. The detailed information and questions are as below: 1. Age: 34 2. Have been driving in the States for little less than 4 years. No accident at all. Only one speeding ticket about 3 years ago. (I had been driving for 10 years in Seoul, Korea with no accident at all, but it didn't count) 3. I used to drive a 2007 Toyota Tundra (5.7L V8), which I sold a few days ago. I paid about 450 dollars/6 months for full coverage. Questions: 1. How much would it cost me if I buy either one mentioned above? (even ballpark number would be appreciated) 2. Do year and purchasing price (or resale value) affect premium? For example, buying a 2008 brand new Corvette or a 2000 used Corvette makes a difference? 3. I know it would be higher to have a sports car, but do my age and driving record affect premium? If yes, how much do they affect?""
Do you have to get car insurance?
I live in England, i am not getting an car yet. I don't want to pay a lot of money & i am in my teens and i heard it is quite a bit of money for insurance, so i don't want to ...show more
Car insurance cost?
How much will car insurance cost if I'm a 19 year old girl, who is a full time student with a 3.3 GPA. I'm also a new driver and recently got my license, which means I ...show more""
How much wil my insurance go up?
I was just recently in a car accident. It was my fault I hit a truck and totalled my car. The truck didnt seem to really have damage I hit the metal ball where you attatch a trailer the hitch. I have fred loya car insurance. how much will my insurance go up? Please. will rate best answer.
How much would my car insurance be on a 2008 Chrysler 300?
I am 20 years old and still live at home i work full time and go to school at night and i would like to get a new car, but everyone keeps telling me insurance will be to much for me? and also how much of a down payment would i need on a 17,000 Chrysler 300.Can i pay monthly or with insurance or do i pay once a year plz need helppppp""
I have pre-existing conditions & I'm 61. Where to go for health insurance?
I'm having a hard time trying to find health insurance. I have pre-existing conditions (take medication for a mild heart arrhythmia & for cholesterol) plus I'm on medication for depression. And I'm 61. I've searched the web without luck - insurance agents who've called me say my condition makes me Uninsurable. Either that or I'm contacted by scam artists. Does anyone have experience with the Health Insurance Industry & have suggestions on what company to contact? Or what insurance agents are reputable? I live in California. I welcome your thoughts & suggestions. Thanks!
""Does my auto insurance cover anyone driving, if they have no insurance themselves? thanks?""
Does my auto insurance cover anyone driving, if they have no insurance themselves? thanks?""
""I have a new baby, will I get a auto insurance discount or increase if I tell them?""
My little girl is 10 weeks old, I'm not sure if I have to tell my auto insurance company (AAA). Would it be better to insure that she's covered? Or will it just cost me more?""
Where can I get low income car insurance?
I am on a buget. my car is oldmobile delta 88 year 86
Insurance company's that cover weight loss surgery?
Anyone know of an insurance company that covers weight loss surgery
Best insurance companies for 17 year old passed my test!!?
ok ive pased my test a month on friday and i gettin a car this week and i need some insurance on the car obviiously lol, well basically whats the cheapest car insurance all you 17 year old have and who is it with, please :)""
Can you insure 2 cars with different insurance companies and have the no claims bonus on both cars?
Can you insure 2 cars with different insurance companies and have the no claims bonus on both cars?
How much could my car insurance increase if I pay a 90.00 fine that included 1 point on my record?
I have a clean driving record so would it be worth paying the ticket and watching my insurance go up a few bucks? I can't imagine my insurance going up too much for a single point, but maybe I am totally wrong. Any advice on this matter would be much appreciated.""
Hit and run but the victims car didnt have insurance?
ok so i was in a private parking lot and i accidently scratched another car i left because i was stupid and got scared. the cops came and found me the next day and i got charged with ...show more
""My car insurance quote is 5,000?""
This is the cheapest quote given by the companies. I am 19 years old and working in a minimum wage job. How can they expect me to be able to afford 5,000 in insurance when I'm only driving a 250 car? How can this price come down? Will waiting until I'm older reduce the price?""
Is it cheaper to insure a car if its yellow?
Is it cheaper to insure a car if its yellow?
Should i move to California?
im a senior in high school, i just finished my junior year so its the summer in between lol. i really want to move to california. i also want to go to college there too but im just worried about it. its really been stressing me out alot lately. so do you have any advice or suggestions?""
""Car insurance, sports cars, young drivers?""
I'm looking into a 1996 Mitsubishi Eclipse when I turn 18 for my first car. Does anybody have any idea on how much I'm looking at insurance wise per month? Other cars I'm also looking into are Firebirds, Camaros, Eagle Talons, Mitsubishi 3000 GT Is the insurance for these cars going to be the same amount?""
Can my car insurance company give my phone number to auto shops?
I was recently in a fender-bender, and as SOON as I made a claim with my insurance company, random auto shops started calling my cell phone (which is my only phone, I don't have a land line) stating they heard I'd been in an accident and basically were telemarketing me into fixing my car at their shop. I have Nationwide insurance, and I'm suspecting it is them who has released my information, as I didn't supply my info with anyone else, other than in the police report! Has anyone else heard of this or had this happen to them? Is there anything I can do about it, other than tell the people not to call me again!?""
I just got my car but it needs a few things for it to be awesome how much will this cost me?
For my graduation present my dad got me a car! Its pretty cool and it runs well but it needs a few things for it to be to my liking, they arent needs just wants that i plan to pay for but i have no idea how much they would all cost. Ok so i can give u a good image in your head its a green Daewoo, Nubria and its year is 2000 so i hope with this info youll know how to answer my question. 1) Air conditioner. if u look at the inside you would see the air conditioner and u would think that if u turn it on it would work but it doesnt so i need to get that fixed especially in a state like ARIZONA where its always hot lol 2) New radio. I need one installed bcuz the one it has in there doesnt have sound and u need a code to use it. 3)Wheels and Rims. It has wheels but no rims and i kinda want new wheels lol whats a good size wheels for this type of car and what kind of rims should i buy is there rims for this type of car with the daewoo symbol? 4) Paint job. Ok so this is important my car is a dark green like spinach leaves lol i like it but it has white scratches all over the left and right side and the roof looks pretty worn out so i want it to be spray painted you know like in pimp my ride lol idk whats a good reasonable price for that but just write down a good estimate. 5) The front bumper. on your left side of the front bumper you know right below the headlites and the grill its broken and it dangals a little. Its perfect on the right side but scratched up quite a bit. So i want to get this old bumper off and install a new one. how do i go about doing that do i have to order the part or what exactly do i do keep in mind it doesnt have insurance yet but if it did could the insurance company do somehing about that? Ok so thats it thanx for reading and i want this answered in numerical order you know just line them up like this. 1) how much it would cost and a description or extra info i might need to know or consider 2) how much it would cost if i want a new modern radio like the one u can take off and put back on. 3) how much it would cost and all the general info 4) how much it would cost and give your opinion on a cool color to consider for this car 5) how much it would cost and how i would go about doing it Feel free to write as much as you need to on this to get the message across and remember exact prices are great but if u want u can give me estimates. thanx again for taking the time to read this. lol""
Is there a law in California stating that the newest driver(under18) has to get insured under the newest car?
Is there a law in California stating that the newest driver(under18) has to get insured under the newest car?
Parents Insurance?
If I'm on my parents Insurance and I go to a doctors appt without them knowing will it show up on there insurence statement?
Do you believe medical insurance should pay for breast implants?
Vasectomy, chiropractors, accupuncture, penile enlargement, orthopedic shoes? Why? Have you used it for such?""
How much would insurance be on a mistibishi lancer GT on my moms insurance? (16 yrs. old)?
We are thinking about purchasing a mistibishi but we fear the insurance would skyrocket as me being a new driver. Any help?
How much should my car insurance be? read details?
I am 17. I want to buy a mitsubishi eclipse gt. Its probably going to be a 2000, if not then 2001-2003. GT model. I went to drivers ed and we have allstate for insurance. how much wuld the insurance be?""
Will police know if your car insurance policy has been cancelled?
Paying my car insurance is my number one priority but after being unemployed for 2 months and finally starting a job, I can't pay my next bill. I called my insurance company and got a 15 day extension but I start my new job on Monday so I might not be able to pay the bill. If my proof of Insurance says it ends in August and I missed July's payment and the insurance is cancelled, can a police officer find out? Again, I am not asking because I want to skip out on my insurance. I have run out of funds and I am starting a new job on Monday. Also, if it matters, I live in Michigan.""
Question where to get affordable dentures without insurance.?
Hello,I live in Renton,Washington and need new dentures.I have no dental insurance.I will be able to put down 300 dollars and make payments,only working PT.Any suggestions if its cheaper to go to a Denture Clinic,Dental Lab or regular dentist? Thank you...""
Do you have to get car insurance?
I live in England, i am not getting an car yet. I don't want to pay a lot of money & i am in my teens and i heard it is quite a bit of money for insurance, so i don't want to ...show more
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/where-can-i-find-best-most-affordable-health-insurance-james-loomis"
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