#i am willing choosing to put my time and energy into this fandom and into trying to smooth things over as much as I can

[bookwyrminspiration]

quil fee free to answer this in private i'm just curious but what the FUCK is going on in the kotlc fandom because i'm looking through the tags and either i've blocked exactly the right ppl or it's all a lot of wind for nothing?? i'm confused and nosy

Ah yeah, looking through the tag isn't a great sample of what I was commenting on, because it's more an ongoing thing the past few months.

Essentially, keepblr has gotten a recent influx of people, which as always, means an adjustment period. This one is just taking its sweet time to work out, which is going a little rougher because some keefe/fitz and love triangle drama has started to seep into the fandom along with it. it's exacerbated in part by confession blogs and unraveled's existence

There's just been consistent things popping up like clockwork every time it feels like we get past another. There's ongoing keefe/fitz arguments, sokeefe/sophitz arguments, keefe taking over the narrative, some spamming, disagreement about ship names (which is quite ridiculous in my opinion. so much so im not even gonna bother anymore), a few convos about race here and there, etc.

Just an overall trend towards negativity that's been going on for a while. And at first its like yeah, bumps in the road, it happens. but it's been long enough i'm a little like. are we seriously still on this. we are NOT letting this be our new normal this SUCKS. you know?

[writing-for-life]

@violetoftheendless Thank you so much for your thoughts. I’m replying to @tickldpnk8 ‘s post because she already said much of what I also would have said (thanks for that, too).

First of all: I know I can speak only for myself, but you are welcome here, @violetoftheendless I value your posts and your critical thinking. You’re also not spoiling the fun (at least not for me). To me, it’s a bit like what I already wrote in my fanfic post:

It’s not an either/or, it’s very much a both/and. Many of us are probably sitting with the push/pull of wanting the escapism and the beautiful stuff *and* the deep contemplation (which sometimes brings up uncomfortable things). I can obviously only speak for myself, but it wouldn’t surprise me if this were true for many, if not most, meta writers.

How we handle these things, and the engagement with other people (whether they agree or disagree), how we handle pushback etc, can never be anything but individual. Some people are more prone to take criticism personally, others aren’t. That has nothing to do with the fact that the problems we are talking about don’t just affect individuals, but whole groups. Again, it’s complicated and always a both/and.

If I speak for myself: I only have one hard limit, and that is abuse/harassment/bullying. This is partly what sparked this post. And it’s not really about me, because I’m fairly thick-skinned and block liberally, don’t allow anons and don’t engage with these people on a personal level because I prefer to use my energy on those who, while they might not agree with me, are open to discussion and treat other people with respect instead of being part of a screaming mob .

But I still call that behaviour out. I’m not condoning it, neither do I tolerate it. I just decide how I engage with it and let it affect me personally, and hence, in the wider sense, others.

And the reason for that is that in my day job, I’ve seen the harm that social media causes too many times. No discourse, and I say absolutely NO discourse, is worth sacrificing our mental well-being. So when I say we curate our own experience, we can block and filter, that’s part of that circle I draw around myself. I can’t control if people want to slide into my inboxes. I can’t control them, no matter how wrong I think they are. We can’t control others. But I can control how I choose to engage, or if I stop engaging altogether (I took a time off Tumblr and other social media for 3 months this year, and I can only recommend it).

That doesn’t make their actions right. That doesn’t make the overarching problem/s we see in fandom go away. But there’s that saying about putting your own mask on first. If I want to keep on chipping away at what I perceive as problematic in fandom, I need to make sure I am okay first. And if my energy is zapped by squabbling, and my mental well-being starts to suffer, I can’t do that. So once more, that type of “discourse” (I am loathe to even call it that) is where I draw a hard line, and I’m not willing to engage with people who hide behind a fake name and think it’s okay to lash out at others. That’s where I curate my experience, and I will continue to do so.

To (not so) briefly talk about Hob/Dreamling: I came on here last year because the TV show had set my decades long Sandman brain-rot off again, and I needed to give my partner breathing space before I drove him nuts 😂

And when I came on here, my first reaction to Dreamling was: “Huh?”

Honestly, I was confused. Even in the show, I didn’t read them as anything but platonic, but of course that was also down to my 30 year long history with the comics. I could see the slight undertones, but Tom had them with literally everyone, so it honestly did not occur to me that this would be a thing. Or let’s say: Not on this epic scale (m/m ships were always a thing, but this was something else). It felt completely out of proportion to me, considering both screen time and Hob’s general place in the arc. To this very day, I have no interest in Dreamling whatsoever. I don’t ship them and never will. I also don’t care if people do, it’s totally fine by me. What I *do* care about is if people voice their own opinions about it and get dogpiled on. There’s a massive difference between saying “I don’t ship Dreamling, and these are my reasons…” and “People who ship Dreamling are idiots.” But unfortunately, the response to both is often the same, and that’s sad.

I think my very first sort of meta (I didn’t even know this was a thing at the time) was exactly about this confusion with Dreamling. I had like a handful of followers back then, and the engagement with that post was low, but there were a few people who (both openly and via PM) agreed. I didn’t get any negativity at that point, but I got the first PM of a person who joked, “You can’t say that out loud around here.” I really didn’t think much of it at the time, but the longer I stayed, the more I noticed there was more than a grain of truth about it. That “grain” encompassed everything from open hostility to passive-aggressive remarks. Like that everyone who just dares to talk about racism, misogyny, transphobia, what-have-you in fandom is only “virtue-signalling”. And yes, there are certainly things that feel performative, we don’t have to argue about that, but these are not the things we are talking about here. Instead of trying to silence people, there truly *is* the option not to read their stuff if it gets on your nerves. But there is also the (in my view better) option to step back, think and not be reactive, and then to engage when the emotions stopped running so high. The only option that isn’t truly an option is trying to shut people up for their respectfully stated opinions.

It’s part of my job description to understand (or at least try to understand—the mind is a funny thing) why people react the way they react when their worldview, or something they hold dear, is threatened or questioned. So from that angle, I totally get that the only response some people have available is aggression, while the only response available to others is retreat (and both are ingrained patterns that have a lot to do with our life experiences). And I could talk a long time now about the workings of this, and why these dynamics play out the way they do, also in fandom. And I could talk even longer about that I’m not immune to these hardwired responses either.

But if we allow to let them keep on playing out that way without questioning them, we will get to the point that @tickldpnk8 described. And that’d be everyone’s loss. What makes fandom beautiful is diversity, not a big echo chamber.

And I hate how soapboxy this sounds, but I believe in it, and I guess I’m too old to feel embarrassed about voicing it.

So once again, thanks to everyone who has engaged with this post so far.

Nuance in (The Sandman) Fandom

I thought a lot over the past few days, partly prompted by discourse on here, partly due to a couple of “interesting” asks and messages I received (the type you don’t answer). I *think* they might have been prompted by engaging in discourse on topics like anti-blackness/racism, misogyny/sexism, TERF characters etc in The Sandman.

Fandoms are always getting super sensitive if someone shines a critical lens on their favourite works, authors and characters. So to make this clear (in case it isn’t already obvious from my brain-rot blog):

I love The Sandman. I love Neil Gaiman. I have an extremely soft spot for Dream (and Desire btw, who deserves a lot more character analysis than just being summed up as “villainous, sexy bitch”. One day, perhaps ;)).

I can read The Sandman and just get lost in the story, even after decades and many rereads. 

But I can also view it through a critical lens—these things aren’t mutually exclusive.

Not critical enough or too critical?

As fans, we can get trapped in certain thinking patterns, like:

“My blorbo can do no wrong”-syndrome 

“Characters with flaws are inherently problematic and imply authorial endorsement of those actions” 

“Characterisation and problematic subtext are one and the same” (aka overanalysing and looking for problems where there are none is the death of every story, but failing to see problematic patterns where they are clearly visible is a problem, too).

Don't say anything bad about my favourite character

I think this doesn’t need much further exploration. It’s not my personal way of looking at stories through permanently rose-tinted glasses (I always feel it stalls my experience, but my experience is not everyone else's). Some people prefer that type of escapism, and I’m good with that (although the downside is of course that by not willing to engage with issues, we can unwillingly perpetuate them). Live and let live, ship and let sail. But please, for the love of god: Don’t insult people via their inboxes or messages just because their opinions and preferences don’t align with yours. I’m not going to sugarcoat it or phrase it “nicely”: It’s infantile (and a form of bullying btw), end of.

How can you even like a character who's so horrible? And that author must be equally horrible, too

We have to separate flawed characters, even those who are written to be really problematic, from real-life endorsement of these actions. 

Author, narrator and character are three fundamentally different things, and don’t overlap as much as some people seem to think. 

We can write vile, despicable characters to make a point (for me, Thessaly was always a prime example for this, and I explained why here). We probably hate them as we write them. I don’t know what else to say, but this facet of writing seems to get more and more lost on people, and it’s a worry. Crying for sanitised characterisation is one step away from censorship. We explore what is problematic about people and humanity through story. That’s how we process and learn. It’s nothing new, but it becomes impossible if we can’t write flawed and even disgusting characters. 

Face value…

Since I’m mostly in The Sandman fandom, I often read that its ending is hopeless, and that’s supposedly the entire message. 

It is agonisingly sad, yes. But is it truly hopeless? I personally see it as quite the opposite, but of course that’s my opinion, coloured by my life experiences.

I also get that show-only fans often haven’t read the comics, or at least not the whole arc. And as such, their outlook from what they’ve seen so far (and choose to focus on) has to be different by default. I also understand that many people are quite new to the comics, even if they have read them in their entirety. I’ve sat with them for 30 years, and I still find new things on every reread (and I read it more times than anyone should 🙈), and I still don’t feel like I’ve understood it all. Perhaps because I still haven’t fully understood myself (and it’s unlikely I ever will). If there’s one thing The Sandman isn’t, it’s one-dimensional and easy to grasp in its whole depth.

I just wrote a ginormous meta on it, if you’re interested, it’s here:

Subtext, (not so) glorious subtext

This is where it gets complicated:

We shouldn’t mix up characterisation and story subtext. Overanalysing every line to death will always make us find something that’s “problematic”, when it really isn’t in the wider context of the story.

Zooming in is NOT always a good thing. Sometimes, we actually need to zoom out. 

But subtext *can be* (accidentally) problematic. Even in stories we love. And none of this negates what I previously wrote.

Stories have real-life implications of sorts, and we need to be able to talk about it. That’s where those slightly flabbergasting, hostile inbox messages come in, and I want to expand on that "topic of contention" a bit:

Neil himself confirmed that the Endless basically warp reality, and that this is why, after Dream’s failed relationship with Nada, many black women in his vicinity suffer terrible fates (Ruby and Carla in particular). And that this spell is only broken when he dies, and that it is the reason why Gwen doesn’t suffer the same fate. And said Gwen then gets used as a plot device to basically absolve Hob (who canonically really is a problematic character, whether show-only fans like it or not) from his slaver past. Once again, very clearly: No one is making this up. Neil confirmed it (for the comics, and that was over 20 years ago. It remains to be seen if his stance has changed as we move into that arc in the TV show).

I don't think it is correct to imply that Dream as a character is racist (I've read that, too) because he logically can’t be. He holds *all* the collective unconscious. He is also, strictly speaking, not white. He is everything and nothing, and he shows up in many different ethnicities throughout the whole arc, depending on who looks at him. But Neil played with a subtext here (reality warping due to a bad relationship which then affects everyone with similar physical traits) that will read very differently to a black person than it reads to a white person, and we have to understand why that is an *extremely* slippery slope.

Plus, we are supposed to see Hob, who *was* a racist at some point (you can’t not be if you’re a slave-trader—it’s impossible by default) as redeemed. And yes, he *does* regret deeply, good for him (and if I were saying this aloud, you would hear the sarcasm in my voice, because it is indeed all about him. We are to sympathise/empathise with him and his character growth while there isn’t much mention of the people he maltreated). But also: it was a black woman who basically forgave him (with dialogue that personally makes me cringe). And that black woman who offers forgiveness is not truly a black woman—she is a character written by a white man. And as much as author and character are not the same (see above), there is an inherent sensitivity in that power imbalance that we can't brush under the carpet.

I don’t think Neil is racist. Probably quite the opposite, and I can even see that his intentions were good from a storytelling point of view. BUT intention and impact are two fundamentally different things, and telling the story this way (comic version) betrays blindspots only white people have. Just like women have blindspots when they tell stories about men, and men have blindspots when they tell stories about women (and there are a few of those in The Sandman, too). And and and…

As storytellers, we can’t always speak from lived experience. It’s impossible. And that also means we occasionally make mistakes that look bad in hindsight, even if our intentions were good.

I guess the proof is in the pudding: What do we do when people who *have* that lived experience tell us it looks bad? If they inform us why it is hurtful, plays into old stereotypes etc?

Are we willing to listen and yield (both are the foundations of allyship btw), or are we insisting that our viewpoint as someone *without* lived experience is right? That lived experience extends to all lived experiences (sex/gender, sexual orientation, age...), and from all we’ve heard from Neil so far, it seems important to him to rewrite what he sees differently today. Whether they’ll always get it right for the show—we’ll see. At the moment, it looks a lot better than in the comics, and certain issues are already being handled with a lot more sensitivity, but a few problems remain.

Pushing back on criticism that comes from people with lived experience is problematic—I’d encourage us to think about what it looks like if a white majority in the fandom is basically saying that the opinions of POC are essentially “overreactions” (and yes, that happened).

It’s complicated. The Sandman was written in a different time, and I think we have to distinguish between things that weren’t really problematic at the time but have aged poorly (again, Thessaly springs to mind, and I have lived experience as a queer person during that time, so I can see it in context while at the same time acknowledging that I would make changes to bring it to the present day), and things that were always a problem due to blindspots. They were a problem in 1990, and if they don’t get changed, they are still a problem today.

This fandom is generally so much more open and nicer than others I know. But that doesn’t mean it’s infallible, because it’s full of humans. 

Nuance is sorely needed, in both story interpretation and interaction between said humans.

(tagging @violetoftheendless )

[upside-down-low]

Fuck it I’m gonna put into the void what I had in my notes of linking a main older teen character to a Party member when I was making these two posts (scene redraws + duos), I spent enough time thinking about it, I’ll shut up after lol

TL;DR

Mike -> Nancy

Lucas -> Steve

Will -> Robin

Dustin -> Eddie

El -> Jonathan

Max -> Argyle

Fruity Four -> core four, easy:

Nancy and Steve would be Mike and Lucas: having known each other quite a bit, Steve being the jock Lancer to the nerdier but fiery Nancy like Lucas is to Mike

Nancy is capable of being a de facto leader of the group the way Mike is and to be the kind of person willing to jump off a cliff/jump in the water for her friends’ sake; she’s also unfortunately polarizing in the fandom much like her brother, partly due to how her romantic relationships are being handled

Steve is loyal, has big sibling—not necessarily second parent, but specifically older brother—energy, bit of a romantic, and the closest one of the group to have one foot in the popular circles before ultimately choosing his friends over that crowd; they also both directly faced off with a blond, fandom-polarizing “top dog” type of antagonist at one point

Ironically Nancy is more of the ranger in terms of weapons like Lucas while Steve would be more of a sword swinger like Mike’s paladin

Robin coming from a lower class background, having felt like an outcast, and possessing a similar creativity and sharpness (enough to survive the UD on her own for a week) with a sarcastic streak similar to Will; “Is that why you don’t have friends?” / “He just said he dumped your ass, that doesn’t sound like a break” That’s literally her

Imagine Robin being Will, her going missing, and then Jonathan turning up in the woods around the same time; Steve being suspicious of him + of the way Nancy trusts him to help them find Robin can mirror S1 Lucas’s suspicion towards El and her intentions while really wanting to find Will

I can see Robin falling in love with Nancy like Will has for Mike; meanwhile Nancy was raised in the Wheeler household that’s so famously known for having parents that love each other, and then there’s her relationship with Jonathan

Eddie would join the group later like he did in the actual show S4 + when Dustin joined the Party later; sharp, D&D informant guy, lives with a single parental figure, sometimes boisterous and snarky, a little impulsive, would also probably be the type to foster a demogorgon baby that ended up eating something it shouldn’t

Good natured bickering Lucas and Dustin (especially in the early seasons) to good natured bickering Steve and Eddie would translate so well

That scene in S1 where Dustin enthusiastically tries to get El to levitate a toy spaceship by just dropping it in front of her while she doesn’t react lmao that’s Eddie and Jonathan

Jonathan having limited social skills, complicated father issues, and been raised in an environment neglecting to see him as the kid he is in favor of seeing him as something else, such as a grown adult or a lab subject like El; he can eventually learn to develop as his own person independent of others after years of being depended on by others (as a psychic government tool/as a parentified caretaker for his family)

He too got arrested for busting someone’s face bc they talked shit about his family

People always talk about how he looks like he wants to explode someone with his mind. How can I not make him El

Terry was a fighter like Joyce; imagine Jonathan finding Joyce in the void and calling out “Mama” to her :(

Will and El duo -> Robin and Jonathan duo; Robin and Jonathan are like written in the same font in canon (5’8, nerdy, awkward but snarky pretentious art hoes that like Nancy Wheeler), do you see my Willel/Robjon vision

Do they look alike? Not even close but someone confused Jonathan for Robin on an ST4 poster once so im running with it

Why yes I am implying the Mileven/Byler triangle here would be Jancy/Ronance. I think that’s fun

Argyle is the last to join the Party, originally hailing from CA and wanting to make friends as a lonely newcomer to Hawkins; the supernatural and everything the Party deals with can be a lot, but he goes where the group goes, accepting the risk and rolling with it, sorta like he does with Cali gang in S4, driving all the way to Indiana, and learning his best friend’s little sister has powers

Initially Argyle was being left out of the loop by the group and later, despite being excited to meet him, Jonathan was probably a little dismissive of him at first like El was to Max

But they warm up to each other, and the S3 Elmax bonding where Max helps El experience being a regular kid -> Jargyle bonding where Argyle helps Jonathan experience being a regular kid kinda like S4 Jargyle with Jonathan having been able to have a friend + feel a little more like a teenager

El going to Max for relationship advice in S3 -> Jonathan going to Argyle for relationship advice

Also he’s a good driver; he was the getaway driver for Cali gang that is zoomer behavior

[defilerwyrm]

Ok but what's your favourite parts about shadowgast, why does it scratch all the right places? 👀

It’sabouttheyearning.jpg

There’s so much to love. Clearly I have a TYPE, as my experience with choosing favorites went about like

Friend who got me to watch CR: So who’s your favorite so far?

Me: Shit how do I choose? They’re all great. Toss-up between Molly, Caleb, and Beau I think?

Caleb: *reveals his Tragic Backstory*

Me: never mind, that one, it’s that one

So I guess it was inevitable. Honestly? The BEST thing about it? Is that the talent behind Caleb ACTUALLY, PERSONALLY CONFIRMED THE ATTRACTION IS REAL. Multiple times. Not just in “nod nod wink wink say no more” encouragement to the fandom out of appreciation for his character’s popularity, but STRAIGHT UP SAID THIS MAN IS BISEXUAL AND ATTRACTED TO ESSEK IN MULTIPLE WAYS

Which means that if Liam ever nuts up there is a very real chance of it becoming canon. Like, not tinhatting, but an actual, real chance, and even if they never hook up, it is fucking canon that Caleb is into Essek. As badly as I’ve been burned by SPN and the MCU, and even to an extent Hannibal—gods know I love Bryan Fuller & co but as a frustrated queer man I’m allowed to be a little grumbly over (paraphrased) “they’re in love, it’s a love story, but not ~PHYSICALLY~”—my interest in Shadowgast was tentative at best until I reached that particular Talks Machina. And now they’re both escalating, manhandling each other, favoring each other, showing off for each other, like...this shit is real, and I’m reeling from it. This isn’t something queer people normally get to HAVE in media, especially queer men. But CR? CR puts blatant Shadowgast fanart on their official website and displays it in their fucking streams. I would say I have no words, but... *gestures at this post* ...clearly I fucking do, lol.

Normally we’re relegated to smirking subtext or established background couples that hold hands in the suburbs. There are countless stories in media of men who are, in subtext, very clearly bonded romantically, but textually “””really good friends””” or “””like brothers”””. Despite all our progress since the Hays Code, men in media by and large don’t get to have their attraction to each other treated as an explicit thing with real potential to be explored as a romance. They just don’t. It’s still too taboo. So for Liam to just casually say “Yes, the attraction is real” (again, paraphrased but only in terms of word order) is fucking monumental. So it gives me hope, something I’ve been short on for most of my life and that has not served me well in the past.

It has certainly helped to watch the rest of the cast’s /fucking faces/ during their Moments and know they ship it as hard as anyone.

But that’s all extradiegetic. Diegetically, I’m a sucker for narrative parallels, and Caleb has made the parallels of their trajectories explicit. I sat up and went 👀 the first time Caleb went out of his way to touch Essek, and they’ve been in orbit with each other ever since. So there’s an element of that “shared life experience” thing I love so much in Stucky: they understand each other in a way that no one else understands either of them; they mirror each other’s ambitions and transgressions, each other’s strengths and flaws. They have so much to offer each other even aside from their similarities as grown “gifted children” with tragic crimes in their pasts: an exchange of experience in culture and class; their forward-thinking imaginations; their loyalty, previously sworn to no one; their resources, both the disparate and dirty and desperate from Caleb, and the refined and academic and political from Essek; their power, in terms of magic and intellect and sheer will (power exchange joke goes here).

They are the sun and the moon and I ache for an eclipse.

All this, and the fact that they should by rights hate each other, but both are apostates in their own way; both long for change and are willing to break reality to achieve it. They could bring out the best in each other or the very worst. They are a volatile mix and I want to see what new molecule will come of their atoms bonding, as well as the explosive chemical reaction when it forms. They are a perfect match that should have been perfect nemeses, had things played out just a little different for them both. What’s more beautiful than that? What’s more powerful than that? To see these two men who are nuclear reactors, who are stars, spiral together through the dark, on track to crash together and leave nebulae in their wake. There is so much potential energy generated when they sway close and every week we come closer to it becoming kinetic.

I should temper my expectations. I’m not a prognosticator, as my history has clearly fucking shown time and again; I can’t know that it’s a WHEN and not an IF. But the odds, man. They’re the best goddamn odds I’ve ever had.

Now here at the end of this I should disclaim that I have drunk half a bottle of $4 strawberry wine so please excuse me drunkenly waxing poetic like the pretentious piece of shit I am. Thank you and good night

[immortalconclusions]

This incomprehensible post from @0junemeatcleaver0 was brought to my attention. Like ok first of all, this post was so embarrassing it gave me full body cringe. This is like a badly written high school English essay from someone who didn’t read the book. If you know you know.

And look, I usually try not to be controversial on the internet. I try to stay away from drama. Frankly I am too busy in my real life and I don’t have the time or emotional energy. But even though I am not the target audience of this post and it doesn’t mention me, and it's kinda old news by now, I felt I had to say something in particular because it goes after my brilliant co-writer, who is a WOC. Did you know that? I can’t really let that slide, sorry June. Also, the racism in this fandom is getting worse and becoming impossible to ignore. While I can assure you I am very much not a “cishet white man”, I am not an expert or authority on this topic by any means—I am also constantly learning. But I work as hard as I can to do my part to support my BIPOC siblings both in real life and online.

So I’m gonna get right into it. First of all, you referenced a couple of handy dandy lists from dosomething.org:

Prepare For The Conversation

Understand why white people should have conversations with one another

Think about why you want to have this conversation.

Choose who you want to talk to and how

Establish goals for the conversation

Set expectations for yourself and your conversation partner

And

Have The Conversation

1. DO start the conversation from a place of curiosity and care

2. DO lead with “I” statements

3. DO ask open ended questions

4. DON’T end the conversation at the first sign of discomfort

5. DO stay on topic

6. DON’T think you have to do this alone (IE: bring resources)

7. DO consider taking a pause and returning to the conversation at a different time if you feel like the conversation is moving more towards conflict and away from conversation.

Y’all need to learn basic ass communication skills that you should have learned as a child? How to not be a dick? Shame on you, that’s embarrassing AF, and also kind of hilarious? (Ohhh but I’m *insert neurodivergent acronym here* I refer you to these articles, and these ones too. Please don’t weaponize your fragility and incompetence in a situation where it is hardly relevant).

Not to mention all the ways your post contradicts many of these points. There are just too many to name, and I don’t have the time to go through and name them all. Plus they’re all super obvious if you have more than one brain cell. But, you know, I’m willing to roll with you here in the spirit of logical positivism. Let’s work with your model. Just gotta mention a few because they made me laugh out loud.

To wit, let’s look at the third resource you referenced from guidetoallyship.com. It’s actually pretty good, definitely the best of the three. Good job there! But—oh wait, did you actually follow any of these yourself? Hmm let’s see:

To Be An Ally Is To…

Take on the struggle as your own

Transfer the benefits of your privilege to those who lack it

Amplify voices of the oppressed before your own

Acknowledge that even though you feel pain, the conversation is not about you

Stand up, even when you feel scared

Own your mistakes and de-center yourself

Understand that your education is up to you and no one else

You wrote: “Anti-racist work looks just the same in fandom as out of it. The mechanics are the same. He could have asked Google this question instead of asking fans of color.”

From your checklist:

“Choose who you want to talk to and how”

“Amplify voices of the oppressed before your own”

What happened to amplifying voices of marginalized people? Idk man I don’t really put much stock in these generic basic af wonder bread articles written by other white people (see the first two lists). Like if you were gonna cite some sources….at least make them good ones? You might have to *gasp* click on the second page of Google search results, but I believe in you baby, you can do it. (Since I know we’re all learning, and learning is a process, if you want a reading list I can share mine with you. Feel free to DM.)

You wrote: ““A lot of white people are afraid to talk about racial issues & that’s why this shit keeps happening.” (First line of the first paragraph of that post). From what I’ve seen through my research the reason white folks in the Tumblr VC fandom were beginning to become afraid of discussing race (and racism in Anne’s work and racism in fandom or the implications inherent in narrative choices the showrunners were rumored to be making) was that he was insinuating anyone who didn’t agree with his thoughts on the choices the showrunners were making were all covert racists. He actively made this stuff difficult to talk about. Which is not the role of an ally.”

From your checklist:

“Take on the struggle as your own”

“Acknowledge that even though you feel pain, the conversation is not about you”

“Stand up, even when you feel scared”

“Own your mistakes and de-center yourself”

...omg UWU we white people cant talk about w-wacism because we’re scared, because other people are so m-mean to us T_T and make it hard for us to talk about. I’m sorry what? I have no sympathy for white fragility lmao.

Attention White People: If someone calls you a racist, you should consider the possibility that you actually are. Just by chance of sheer probability. Think about that for a second. No really, use your brains. I know it’s hard. I promise you won’t vaporize on the spot. If you find out that you are, nobody is going to eat you. You just learn and get better. It’s a process, it doesn’t hurt all that bad.

You wrote: “This is not someone who needs to be doing this work.” Says you? Uhm, ok. Didn’t realize it was up to you, but go off ig. Seems to me like the more people the better.

And finally, this gem:

You wrote: “Do you think you know better about racism than a WOC?”

Hey, June.

Do YOU?

[crusherthedoctor]

Let’s try this again...

So for those of you who can’t currently see asks, I was informed in an ask about this statement by Ian Flynn in regards to why IDW Eggman acted the opposite of a respectable, well-characterized Eggman during the zombot arc:

Needless to say, this Steamed my Hams. Here’s why. (Credit to @beevean​ and @colony-drop-program​ for several additional points.)

In SA1, Eggman was constantly one step ahead of the heroes by swiping their emeralds, had both Chaos and the Egg Carrier operating at the same time, resorted to a missile when both were seemingly dealt with (which only turned out to be a dud cause of bad luck), and revealed a second Egg Carrier in the event that Chaos would betray him. And in the case of the missile - he was clearly at his wit’s end by that point, and suicide attacks on the brink of a villainous breakdown are common among many villains, including clever schemers... like Eggman.

In SA2, Eggman suspected there was a fake emerald in the mist that the heroes wanted to use to trick him, so he set up a situation perfectly in a way that would reveal which one it is.

In Battle, he was able to drive Emerl insane with energy in case the robot defeated him in battle.

In Unleashed, the game starts with Eggman setting up a trap based on the expectation that he would know exactly how Sonic (or rather, Super Sonic) would react, and it worked flawlessly. And upon learning that Dark Gaia woke up too early and his spawn were scattered all across the planet, Eggman managed to lure Dark Gaia spawn to him, and he still able to create Eggmanland and did his best to prevent Sonic from reaching the final temple.

Even in ‘06, he had that trap where he sent Sonic and Co to the future. It may have relied on the heroes being stupid, but it still counts as Eggman preparing for something.

Even in Heroes, arguably his most pathetic role in the game canon due to being locked in a room by his own creation for the whole game, he still had the initiative to hire the Chaotix into getting him out. And Metal Sonic’s flaws with his own plan... are Metal Sonic’s. Not Eggman’s. Metal Sonic didn’t take control of Eggman’s plan, he came up with his own plan to begin with. Metal’s failings in Heroes are not in any way, shape or form the fault of Ivo’s, and I don’t know why this example was even mentioned.

And keep in mind, these are just the games where Eggman was still upstaged. We’re not even going into the games that KEPT him as the top dog from start to finish, like in Sonic 3 & Knuckles where he’s constantly doing everything he can to stall you from reaching the Death Egg (which implies planning at least some of it in advance), Rush Adventure where he created the pirates as a proxy to search out the Jeweled Scepter, Colours where he kept his mind control cannon a secret, Generations where he teamed up with his past self in order to tame the Time Eater, Lost World where he brought a Cacophonic Conch with him to subjugate the Deadly Six, then bounced his way back up even after they stole his tech, and everything in Forces (storing Phantom Ruby copies, the artificial sun plot in case the Death Egg was destroyed, being able to dispose of Infinite in case he acted up, keeping the real Phantom Ruby for himself, even having a second mech inside the first mech in case the latter was destroyed).

Hell, the entire reason he set up a racing tournament in the original Sonic Riders was so that he could uncover the Babylon Garden.

And didn’t Flynn himself write that Mega Drive comic from a while back? The one where Eggman made a similar SA2-style bargain ploy for the last Ancient Gear, only to then reveal he had the other Gears already once he got it?

Eggman may be careless at times, with occasional details, but he’s not a Mephiles-tier moron who doesn’t understand the concept of a plan or strategy. He’s a mastermind, with many elaborate plots over the years to live up to that title, and when he’s not planning things out in advance, he’s just as quick to improvise or take advantage of the situation as best as he can.

He knew what would happen with Chaos upon feeding him Chaos Emeralds, because...

He knew something would happen with Dark Gaia, because...

(He also proceeded to kidnap Professor Pickle for the specific purpose of obtaining even more information on the subject.)

And while he may not have known exactly what Project Shadow was at the time, he still knew its existence in the first place (and by proxy, the ARK’s existence), because...

...And he brought a Chaos Emerald along with him. And knew the password, “Maria”.

There is no excuse for the doctor to just shrug and do absolutely nothing upon being informed about a potential error in his plan. The fact that Ian Flynn - a man who has worked with this character for over a decade, and thus by all means should know this character by the back of his hand - completely disregards this official, canonical element of the main villain of a 30 year old franchise, only makes me less willing to trust any of the characters’ handling under his pen. And that’s putting aside how questionably handled everyone else has been in IDW.

And you might say “But it’s IDW, it’s a different interpretation”. But here’s the thing: it’s following off of Forces, a game where Eggman was at his brilliant best. There’s no way you can go from his backup-plan-after-backup-plan strategy from that game, to his DarkSydePhil-tier “nothing I could do dood” showing in this comic, and chalk it up to anything other than, at best, an extreme display of inconsistency. And as far as we know, this isn’t even the cause of those mandates that everyone loves to point to... this was all Flynn.

So yes. If I wasn’t certain that Flynn’s widespread fandom status as the Best Sonic Writer of all time, every time, was just a teensy, tiny bit exaggerated... I am now. I may be an Eggman fan, so naturally that does fuel my annoyance with his statement on the doc, but I’d be just as annoyed if it were any other character who was blatantly misinterpreted to this degree, even if it were a character I was apathetic to or even flat out disliked.

Best Writers™ do not selectively choose how characters from long lasting IPs act. You can experiment with a character. You can play around with a character’s traits. But you can’t turn a character completely inside out and expect it to work just like that.

It doesn’t work.

/RantOver

[gingerbreadmonsters]

hi friend!! i found u thru obey me and ive read most if not all of ur works in that fandom and loved every one!!! i see ur talking about something else that makes u super happy, i think redacted asmr is how u tag it?? it makes me super happy that u love it sm, but i know nothing abt it!!! :( if u have the time and energy to spare, would u be willing to tell me more about it :D?

lots of love for u and i hope u have a wonderful wonderful rest of ur day!!

ok darling i am back!! full of delicious breakfast and ready to go!! (do not mention that it is 1:45pm)

OBEY ME!! i took a bit of a break from logging in while i had exams but i'm getting back into the habit now, and let me tell you i am LOOKING at the monster outfits...... yum 🤩🤩

i generally do a pretty shite job of explaining, as you can see in this ask, so i'll have another stab at it:

"redacted asmr" is a youtube channel run by this guy called erik, and is essentially a collection of audios describing the lives of various people who live in a universe similar to ours, except that they have magic! each audio is focused around a particular character (e.g. "sweet werewolf" asher, "flirty vampire" vincent, "tsundere fire elemental" damien) voiced by erik, speaking to the listener, and the vast majority are romance-oriented (i.e. the character falling in love with you, the listener), although that's not true for some.

seeing as all twenty-something boys probably aren't all going out with the same listener (unfortunately, there's just not enough hours in the day!), they each have a particular nickname for you, which lets us distinguish between the different listeners a bit more easily.

(e.g. david calls his listener "angel'", and geordi calls his listener "cutie" - the two listeners are technically both you, the real person listening to the audio, but within the redactedverse, they're two separate people in two separate places with two separate boyfriends. this is the case for virtually all of the boys, except for the ones that i'll affectionately call the DAMN gang: gavin, lasko, damien, huxley, and caelum. all of them have the same listener, called "freelancer" - well, gavin calls them "deviant" but he's still talking to the same person, yk?)

the audios technically function on their own, but put them all together and you get this incredible connected universe that's still ongoing! we get new audios every tuesday and saturday (or monday and friday for patreon subscribers), with an 18+ BA (stands for bonus audio, and is basically a soundgasm audio with one of the boys - i think last month was aaron, and the month before was sam) once a month on patreon 🥰 we're currently in the throes of hot boi summer 2022 (fun and spicy audios for the whole month of june), and let me tell you it is GOOD hehe 😈😈

the wonderful @softredrobin made an EXCELLENT graphic for first-time listeners, because the long list of potential audios can be very intimidating when you're trying to choose which character to start with - you can find that here 😍

or if you'd prefer to listen to all of the boys in a semi-chronological order, @obsessedwvampbois has put together a suggested order for that - you can find this incredible labour of love here! it was made in january, so more audios (plus another character or two) have since been released, but this is still a very comprehensive and useful list for new listeners 💫

as if that wasn't enough, the redacted fandom really is a lovely bunch - the official discord, the ao3 tag, and the tag here on tumblr are PACKED with amazing, incredible people and their gorgeous creations! any list i make would be FAR too short, but might i point you in the direction of some of my gorgeous mutuals?

when i joined the fandom a few months ago, i was in AWE of the writers - you HAVE to be following @/ejunkiet, @/sealriously-sealrious, @/solclaw, @/dominimoonbeam, @/romirola, @/lovelylonerliterature, @/onesmallcentury, @/starlitangels, @/glassbearclock....... there are a LOT more, but if you're looking for somewhere to start, you'll DEFINITELY find what you're looking for here 🥰🥰🥰

and the ART!! don't even get me STARTED!! again, there are far too many incredible artists for me to list here, and they literally NEVER miss?? like?? they just... cannot miss?? @/slushrottweiler-blog, @/softredrobin, @/palilious, @/sri-rachaa..... again, this is not a comprehensive list and i'm sure i'm missing a lot, but i think about these guys (gn) literally all the time

in any case, i rambled a LOT, but i hope this makes it a bit easier, darling anon!! the link to the channel is here, and it's free on youtube so no need to pay or anything - you can listen to everything in its entirety there, with the exception of the nsfw BAs, for which you get a preview but the whole thing is too explicit for youtube's rules, so those go on patreon. i suggest only dipping your toes in when you have a bit of time, though - it's very addictive hehe 🤩💕

[bloo-the-dragon]

How about your boi Reala? (Idk if I spelled that right-)

You. You get me.

First impression:

Oh yeah this guy’s gonna be the bad boy jackass character of the fandom isn’t he LOL

I’m not ashamed to admit i was sold on his character even before i got into watching the full game walkthrough x’D gremlin characters are one of my biggest weaknesses, and i knew he was gonna be one of Those Types (little did i know he wouldn’t be the only one HJKSDF)

I definitely recall though i preferred his NiD design over his JoD design, like the JoD design is fine and all (i like the venice carnival theme with the persona mask) but the NiD attire fit with the clown aesthetic that has been giving me brain worms for the last year or so LOL

I was more attached to NiGHTS at first ngl but i found Reala to be a fun counterpart! I was also super happy when Reala referred to NiGHTS as his sibling because that instantly made their dynamic and potential backstory (which i was not yet fully aware of) much more interesting to me.

Impression now:

SON!!!

GREMLIN!!

ANGRY CAT!!

ALL THE ABOVE AND MORE-

I am VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH HIS CHARACTER!!

No not in a self-ship romance way because i am ace/aro but even then i don’t mean in love with the character but i’m in love with how he is portrayed as a character, what with the backstory and everything!

Despite the fact his backstory and character is not fully explored or developed in the canon games (lookin’ at you especially JoD) the few tidbits we did get were enough to really spike my interest in learning more about Reala and NiGHTS’ shared past, and their relationship before NiGHTS’ defected. BUT ONCE AGAIN THE FANDOM PROVIDES and with that little info we did get, the fandom managed to expand on it with headcanons and other fun stuff and built Reala into a very interesting and complex character with a very heavy burden on his shoulders-

Favorite moment:

Man how do i CHOOSE-

Nah actually i gotta admit the scene in JoD with Helen falling through the portal Reala made with that ridiculous scream and Reala giggling his head off has to be my favourite because of how heckin HILARIOUS it is! x’D

But if i were to pick one also for NiD specifically, i’d say the entire boss fight with NiGHTS. :)

Idea for a story:

Ohhhhh i’ve had ideas galore for this guy HFJKDF

Specifically post-games where i’ve entertained ideas on how he and NiGHTS would slowly mend that broken bond, because even though Reala finally agreed to take his siblings side, doesn’t mean he isn’t still affected by past hurts and betrayals which would take a long time to heal.

Any ideas i have had though would all take place within the Theatre with Balan and Lance, because i love the idea the maestro brothers would play a big part in aiding in the mending of NiGHTS and Reala’s relationship. Originally i had thought on going the route with Lance working with Reala and Balan working with NiGHTS because their personalities seem to match each other-

BUT THEN! I figured it would actually be A LOT MORE INTERESTING if Balan worked with Reala and Lance worked with NiGHTS!

Balan works with Reala in helping to fix his trust issues, and help him heal from his traumas too as a result from suffering under Wizeman for so long. And the idea that Balan radiates this warming energy that just puts Reala more at ease, and makes him feel more safe and therefore more willing to open up i feel just works.

(NiGHTS on the other hand, i think would benefit from Lance’s aid because NiGHTS would have bottled up all his guilt over his defection and Lance would help him contront that guilt on how his actions had very real consequences in regards to how it affected his siblings, by bringing it out and helping NiGHTS to deal with it and overcome it)

Unpopular opinion:

Once again i had to ponder this one for a while because i don’t really think there is anything i outright disagree with a majority on. Most of what i disagree with many already are the same so it’s hard to really say xD

I guess his JoD design could count though... i’m not a big fan of it xD (aside from the persona mask) he looks more like a samurai/soldier than the jester he’s supposed to be which i guess does work in it’s own way when we consider how he’s trying to fulfil the role of general for Wizeman’s army and it’s a role he was never truly designed for, so it clearly clashes with his overall theme.

Favorite relationship:

Obviously his sibling relationship with NiGHTS and Jackle xD NiGHTS i’ve already gone into detail a bit, but Jackle also because i love the idea that after NiGHTS left Jackle was the only support Reala had left, and thats what kept him mostly stable during the events of NiD. But come the time of JoD, Jackle is no longer around (not dead but hiding from Wizeman whilst also searching for a new home for his siblings which i will mention is a hc of mine so don’t take it as being actual canon fact xD) and so he no longer has that support around to keep him grounded. But unlike NiGHTS, Reala understands why Jackle had to go into hiding and in fact even encouraged it!

Didn’t make things any easier for him though, and it would have definitely had an impact. (History always seems to repeat itself in one way or another doesn’t it)

Favorite headcanon(s):

I love the idea that NiGHTS and Reala, being twins were never truly meant to be separated which is why when NiGHTS defected it had such a devastating effect of Reala in the long term. Jackle being around in the beginning helped delay the worst of the emotional impact it had on Reala, and perhaps part of him at first thought NiGHTS would still come back, he’s always been rebellious afterall.

(Spoiler alert - he never came back)

Also i am 100% on board with the idea Reala was never truly evil. Being a nightmaren and following his natural instinct to gather ideya aside, he’s just doing what he must because he wants to please Wizeman, please his master, his creator his father-

This combined with the idea that of the two twins, NiGHTS was the favourite it really pushes on why Reala (at least in JoD) seems so intensly keen on being as loyal to Wizeman as he can, in both his dress and his actions. But i also enjoy the take that he was never truly jealous of NiGHTS being the favourite, but he wanted to be up there with his twin in daddy’s spotlight as his two most precious children. He wanted to share that with his twin, his other half, his sibling.

Really hits harder when you remember that NiGHTS eventually defected and abandoned him (the latter coming from Reala’s perspective) and instead of Wizeman’s gaze looking to Reala as the new favourite instead he see’s him as a new means to vent his frustration.

Which coincides well with the headcanon First Levels can’t be killed, not even by Wizeman himself. Gotta wonder where Reala got all those scars afterall.

[sneezemonster15]

I have a lot of mixed feelings about how Sakura is generally perceived by the Naruto fandom. I haven't been here for very long, but it's an understatement to say that man, they hate her. I guess apart from Sakura stans or SS stans (who I am not even going to give much space here because their reading comprehension of content is below par and almost unbelievably projectional), when almost every other subcategory of this fandom, even the dudebro kind, just like, abhors Sakura, like the stuff is pure vitriol.

But I am trying to be thoroughly objective here.

Throughout part 1, I can honestly say she appeared to be a character who was self absorbed, spoilt, skin deep and childish. But the thing is, she Was a child. At that point, I knew that I had long way to go towards the end of the show, so I knew being one of the supposed main characters, she would go through an arc, and possibly grow up. I couldn't begrudge her coming of age.

During the initial part of Shippuden, I could see that Sakura had grown up in some way. She definitely had matured to some extent. She had a better grasp of her emotions over losing Sasuke than Naruto at this point. She even comforts Naruto and defends him against Sai, and I kinda liked that moment despite myself ( I for one never liked Sakura but was willing to give her a chance at redemption at this point, well that and anyone defending Naruto gets a little bit on my good side). She was training hard. Even if it was unoriginal, she was kinda doing her own thing. I thought, hmm that isn't so bad. She makes a few bad choices, but she is also adjusting to new and improved Naruto in team seven, new responsibilities. Yes, she is not the best fighter but c'mon man, she was literally put in a team with two of the mightiest ninjas of all time, and it wasn't her decision. She was liable to feel insecure. Cut her some slack. Compared to team seven, all the other teams anyway look like benchwarmers.

It's mostly what happens after Sasuke is condemned as a terrorist that made me lose all hope for her. One bad decision after the other in this arc (and all the other arcs after this one). This convinced me Kishi had had enough of this half hearted development at this point, he just went like fuck it, it's time for fucking War, let's get fucking on it! This is where his SNS was going to shine after the long hiatus and overflowing anticipation of Naruto and Sasuke teaming up together (I mean just look at the ridiculous build up of their upcoming team up at the war, Kishi brought out all the big guns, the former hokages for Sasuke's entry, hahaha awesome. Then Sasuke and Naruto's own fights, especially the final one, just look at what the animation people did, the fucking detail, the atmos, the sound design, lord damn). Because let's be honest, it's battle manga.

After that, at such an advanced stage of the series, Kishimoto just like...spat on her 'legacy' over and over again in the war arc. Like it was almost painful. After Everything, when Sasuke slams his hand in her torso and puts her in his horrible genjutsu, just because she would have tried to stop him from getting hurt, I was like my God Kishi stop already! You have made your point! She may not be perceptive, but that was way too harsh. In terms of commensurate action- reaction, that was just way too much for a reasonable Sasuke to do, who btw had already had a pretty good time (all things considered) at the war fighting big bad villains alongside his 'best buddy' and had kinda temporarily come out of his Karin-killing phase. He certainly had the calm of mind to pleasurably mock Sakura and Kakashi now and again.

Well, Sakura had lost all credibility at this point of time and the ending of series was obviously forced. I see no point in even talking about it.

This is how I see it.

Now to come to my point. It's disturbing to see the amount of hate she gets from almost all factions. She is objectively written as a negative character, yes. Also yes, that I get how easy it is to get so invested in characters so as to find the lines a little blurred and one could perhaps project too much.

But some of it is just like, it crosses boundaries.

I get mad at Kishi for a lot of things, one of them being writing major female characters so badly, it made me detest those characters this much. Btw, this goes for both Sakura and Hinata. In fact, I find Hinata's character worse than Sakura's.

I understand why Sakura gets so much hate. But just the way some people choose to portray this hate makes me doubt if they like or sympathize with any character for the right reasons.

I could be wrong. But it takes a lot of energy to hate this much. I am just amazed at this extent of commitment.

From what I have observed, I think a lot of people in this fandom, including me, dislike Sakura because of the way she totally undermined her role amd significance in the story since so much was expected of her at the start, she was the only female member of team seven.

She was supposed to be a clever kunoichi (she literally just stands there during so many battles and cries), maybe a genjutsu expert (well..she ain't), someone who would eventually grow out of her fangirl phase (she never did), someone who would be more perceptive of other people (was literally responsible for Sasuke's attempt of killing her), someone who could be selfless for once (every attempt at proposing to Sasuke says not so much), someone who could fight alongside Sasuke and Naruto on her own terms (what can I say, she tries but it's pretty obvious how coloured her motivations are by the two bois; dudebros have a lot of fun with this).

Finally, someone who wasn't so oblivious. Like how is it possible that she didn't know Sasuke was an orphan! Like seriously! There's a whole ass scene where kids in class are openly talking about the massacre.

Kishi being so deliberate with it in this episode where Sakura mocks Naruto for being an orphan, he just didn't wanna give her a chance, he straight up wanted to establish the Real equation of team seven really early on. This is where he does it for the first time in the series, like blatantly. It is, what just the third episode maybe? Hahahha. He is so slick about it, that tease (but like also, most creators will establish the central theme of the series right away. So as to build tension and anticipation. In films, always pay attention to the first frame or the first sequence. It usually says much more than what's observed at first glance, anyway I digress). I find this episode really enlightening in terms of how Kishi wanted us to know that things were not what they seemed so we better start engaging with the content right away.

Sadly, Sakura could never be any of those things. Kishi never gave her a break. I kinda find it sad.

[chazukekani]

Can you translate storm bringer?

No, I can’t sorry. In fact there are already people doing this so you can check out my resources list for the full Stormbringer translation. Or you can read my summary too!

I have received various kinds of asks and DMs throughout the time, and usually I will ignore some because I don’t want to ruin the mood for anyone who’s reading my blog. But I think it will be a nice if I take this opportunity to explain how I have been running this page since August 2019, and hence you can know why I don’t translate Stormbringer. Feel free to skip it if you are not interested.

I initially didn’t think of doing translation when I founded my Instagram page. However as the page grew, I received many inquiries about the story due to the lack of information and translated materials, so I decided to take the responsibility of translation as well. My original motivation is just analysing BSD, but I realised it is really difficult to have a smooth discussion if the fandom are not informed with the background/details that I have said in my writing, that’s why it inspired me to do translation.

Currently, my main translation work are monthly chapter summaries, Wan! manga and Gaiden manga. I have zero translation/editing experiences before I did these so I did my research and purchased the tools I need. Translation is very fun, not just because I can do my favourite story, but I can also learn Japanese at the same time. It usually take me 1-3 hours to finish one translation, sometime may take longer if Asagiri is too talkative.

I first began with downloading the raw images, and clean it. As my Japanese is still progressing, I often need to check dictionary/Google while writing down the translation. It takes the longest but it’s all worth it. After that, I put it into the correct panels, proof read (sometimes still contains mistake tho I am sorry lmao) and export it to png files.

I still can’t upload yet because I have to make the preview, which you guys see on Instagram/Tumblr, and the cover on Imgur. I thought of just putting a screenshot instead but I realised the manga, especially Gaiden, are not very popular among fandom so it will be great if I do some editing on the preview such that it can catch people’s attention. After finishing the preview and cover page, I can upload to imgur. Then I post the notification post on Tumblr and Instagram, add the link to my Instagram bio and master list on Tumblr. A translation is finally done! Hurray!

In case anyone who doesn’t know, I did a 4 day live stream on my discord server, and translated Stormbringer verbally to the members when the novel was freshly released. I enjoyed it so much because I feel like we’re reading it together and reacted when plot twist occurs. Each stream was roughly 4 hours with 30 minutes break. After finishing the stream, I proceed writing the summary for the part that I read that day. I am so grateful that my friends helped me correcting my first summary.

Different type of translation work varies. Some may be straightforward like Wan!, or some can be very annoying like the Dead Apple Initial Plot as I have used too much time on adjusting the layout. But of course it is all so much fun to do it! Passion can really enable you to do a project despite there is no actual monetary income. And it all thanks to the support I have.

Other than translation, I also do analysis, random shit posts, memes, QnA on Instagram, answering DMs or moderating my discord server, all kinds of things. But I enjoy it! And I am always very grateful and thankful because I used to feel lonely as I couldn’t find anyone in the fandom who shares same opinion as me, but now I do!

I am not writing this whole thing to show off how much I have done (it’s not much anyways ajshdh). Annoying work doesn’t matter if you enjoy it. By writing this, I just want to assert that preserving my freedom on choosing what I am able and willing to do is the energy for me to continue all the work, so I have to turn this request down.

I am sorry if I over-reacted to this asks, but I just got overwhelmed by different messages these days, and I think it is necessary to clarify my situation in order to avoid misconception. I’m currently having spring break, but I am also an uni student so I do have other things to do apart from BSD, just like most of you guys. It will be appreciated if you can understand my workload and why I don’t accept requests. Thank you.

[cuddlepilefics]

Snuggly puppy

Fandom: Stray Kids

Sickie: Seungmin

Caregiver: Felix

Sequel to ‘Not sleepy’

 Noone’s POV.:

It had been almost a week since Seungmin had taken a sick Felix back to the dorm. The Aussie was finally feeling better, his voice was back to normal and his fever had broken the previous night. Over breakfast a small dispute arose because the dancer couldn’t wait to get back to work, while Chan would have preferred the younger resting for at least another day. Their loud voices soon quietened down when a disheveled looking Seungmin joined the group at the table. The members exchanged worried glances at the lack of a greeting from the vocalist and watched the boy listlessly push his food around the plate. It had been predictable really, given how cuddled up Hyunjin had found Seungmin and Felix the previous week. A hoarse cough confirmed their suspicion, the second youngest had caught Felix’ cold. “Hey, Minnie, you ok?”, Hyunjin whispered from his seat next to the vocalist. The younger just nodded, not feeling like talking with the straining ache that had settled in his throat. Chan nudged Felix and motioned for him to follow the leader to the kitchen. They took their empty plates and announced, they’d be doing the dishes today.

When they were out of earshot, the oldest spoke up: “Lix, would you do me the favor of taking care of Seungmin today? There’s no way he’ll go to practice today. We can’t afford to get another member sick and you’ve just gotten over the same thing, so it’s unlikely you’ll catch it again. Only if you feel up to it of course.” – “Hyung, I feel fine. And sure I will, it’s my fault he’s sick to begin with. I’ll be missing another day of practice though, and I really need to catch up with how many mistakes I made with my dancing last time”, the younger Aussie replied, a pained expression flashing across his face. “Ah, don’t worry, we’ll help you catch up. We can all take turns going over the choreography with you, we’re not gonna leave you behind”, Chan promised, “Just please watch Seungmin.” Felix smiled: “I already told you I will. I owe him anyways.” Just as their conversation had ended, the members came in one by one, carrying their plates for the Aussies to wash while they got ready for their schedule ahead. When Seungmin passed them, Chan stopped him with a hand on the younger’s arm. “Hey, I think it’ll be best if you stay home today, since it seems like you caught Felix’ cold”, the leader hummed, frowning at the dark circles adorning the vocalist’s eyes. Seungmin shook his head, avoiding his hyung’s eyes: “I feel fine, hyung, just a bit tired. There’s no need for me to stay back.” Felix who was overhearing the conversation from where he was standing over the sink, shook his head slightly. This was exactly how it had started for him too and if it wasn’t for the strained rasp in the sick boy’s voice, they might even have believed him.

Before Seungmin could react, Chan had spread his palm over his dongsaeng’s forehead: “I mean, you don’t have a fever, at least not yet but neither do look nor do you sound alright, so you’ll be taking the day off to rest.” – “Hyung-“, the younger whined, voice cracking. “Hey, maybe you’re really just tired and will be fine tomorrow. In that case you can tell me how much of an ass I am for making you stay back, but for now, you’re staying back”, when the oldest saw the fight building in the vocalist’s eyes, he added, “Leader’s orders.” – “This is abuse of power”, Seungmin fought back, “and completely unnecessary.” Though he immediately proved his statement wrong by turning away and muffling a cough into the sleeve of his sleep shirt. “Aish, Minnie. Stop fighting, last week you were the one lecturing me about how I shouldn’t push myself when I’m sick and now look at you”, Felix scolded, drying off his hands. The vocalist shot his youngest hyung a deathglare: “’Look at me’ ? It’s your fault that I’m in this situation anyways, so who are you to talk?” – “See, you just admitted it and yes I know and I’m sorry, that’s why I’ll stay back too and keep you company”, the dancer giggled, while his dongsaeng quickly covered his mouth noticing how he had just messed up. Chan pulled the sulking boy into a hug and tried to get him to look at him: “Min, it’s ok to be sick and if you rest now, instead of pushing on, you’re chances of recovering faster than Felix did are pretty high. You’re not as stupid as him, forcing yourself to hours of dancing, now are you?” – “Hey, I’m not stupid!!!”, the dancer yelled, smacking his hyung’s butt with the towel he was still holding. Seungmin giggled: “No, I’m not. I’ll stay back but only to prove to Felix-hyung that I’m the smarter one.” Felix put on a fake-offended act but if that was what made his dongsaeng rest, it was fine with him.

The group soon left, leaving Felix and Seungmin alone at the dorm. “Hey, what do you want to do now?”, Felix asked, “Do you want to sleep more?” – “I’m not a baby, I don’t need to sleep again immediately after getting up!” The dancer rolled his eyes, he should have expected how difficult of a task it would be to take care of Seungmin. The younger was way too stubborn and insistent on his independence. “Ok ok, no need to sass me. What about a movie?” The vocalist seemed to actually think about it: “Alright, but if you make me watch another of your boring dramas, I swear to god…” – “No, I’ll let you choose what we’ll watch, like the good hyung I am”, Felix retorted, throwing him a blanket as the pair got settled on the couch. True to his promise, the dancer let his dongsaeng choose a movie. He hadn’t seen it before, but the vocalist insisted it was really good. They were both focused on the screen in front of them, the only thing distracting Felix were the increasingly frequent sniffles coming from his dongsaeng. He glanced over at the younger, only to see him bring the blanket up to his face sneezing twice in quick succession. “Bless you”, Felix hummed, reaching for the remote and pausing the movie, when he noticed the younger’s eyes closing again. “Hh’ktCHhsx!”, Felix watched expectantly, “hh’txCHH’uh!” – “Bless you again”, he chuckled when it seemed like the younger was finally done. “Thanks *sniff*, I’ll just go get some tissues”, the vocalist mumbled. The older wanted to offer, getting them but one stern glance made him keep his mouth shut. He really didn’t want to fight with Seungmin right now.

When Seungmin returned, they continued their movie. By the time it ended, his eyes were watering from focusing on a screen and his head hurt worse than he wanted to admit. They considered watching another one when Felix had an idea: “Hey, how about we shower now? That way we won’t slow things down when the others get home and the steam might help you breathe better.” The dancer had noticed how miserably congested his friend sounded, which was the sole reason he wanted the younger to take a shower. “I cad breathe perfectly fide”, the younger rasped, his glare not nearly as intimidating as intended, due to the itchy tears dotting his lashes, “but yeah, shower sou’ds alright.” – “Sure, so why don’t you go first?”, Felix offered, pushing his dongsaeng in the general direction of the bathroom. ‘That little spawn of Satan, why does he have to make this so difficult?’, the dancer thought, making his way to the kitchen when he heard the bathroom door close. He decided to prepare some of Seungmin’s favorite tea, because he still remembered how irritated his throat had been not to long ago. The younger didn’t really seem to appreciate his hyung’s efforts to help but Felix knew that under this overly independent facade were mostly insecurities, so he would just continue to care for the younger despite his protests. He could hear the painful coughs over the sound of the water running and cringed in sympathy, sure he felt guilty. Seungmin had only cuddled him because Felix was in desperate need of cuddles when he was sick, ‘like a little child’, the dancer thought. Had he acted like the adult he physically is, his dongsaeng wouldn’t have to suffer the consequences now but now it was too late and all Felix could do was make the younger as comfortable as possible, while he rode out his sickness.

Locking the bathroom door behind him, Seungmin finally let his guard down. For aa minute, he just sat on the closed toilet lid, burying his aching head in his hands and rubbing his face. He gave a few wet sniffles before finding the strength to get up and strip out of the clothes he had slept in last night. Goosebumps spread over his body as the cold air touched his overly sensitive skin and he hurried to get into the shower, letting the warm water soothe his chills. The vocalist kept turning the water temperature higher and higher because he still felt cold. Soon the room was filled with thick clouds of steam and he took deep breaths in hopes it would loosen at least a fraction of the congestion clogging his airways. And it did, but the dislodged mucus just fell deeper in his lungs, choking him. The sick boy had to lean against the wet tiles of the shower to keep his balance has he prayed for the coughing fit to end. When he finally managed to catch his breath, the damage was already done, his throat felt really swollen and tender and his head was spinning from the lack of oxygen. With his last remaining energy, Seungmin rinsed off the soap and dragged his achy body out of the shower. He felt so much worse than before, weak and shaky, his muscles not willing to cooperate, but there was no way he’d ask Felix for help with this. After drying off, he put on some fresh clothes, a hoodie and sweatpants, hoping they’d keep him warm against the chills wracking his body, before dizzily stumbling back to the livingroom. Getting comfortable under the blanket on the couch, he told Felix to go and take his turn showering and not wanting to blow his cover as to why he forced his dongsaeng to shower, the dancer went to the bathroom.

While Felix was showering, Seungmin found the tea the older had left him on the coffee table. He was barely able to hold the cup with how much his hands were shaking and he had to use both hands to not spill the hot liquid, but the vocalist sighed in relieve when the few sips he managed to force down soothed his abused throat. Laying down, he pulled the thin blanket up to his chin and draped one arm over his eyes to block out the light. ‘How could I get so much worse so suddenly?’ He lay there not able to sleep due to the pounding in his skull, but also not able to move with how badly his muscles were burning. “Hey, did you feel homesick?”, Felix laughed as he walked into the living room with a towel around his neck, “because the water was hot as hell.” Seungmin just blinked at him confused, too out of it to get the pun. “You ok?”, the Aussie asked, sitting down next to his dongsaeng. The vocalist tried to be strong, he really did, but way too soon the tears he fought to hold back spilled from his eyes and he shook his head defeatedly. Felix’ face softened and he pulled the younger into his arms, alarmed at how much strength he had to use, because Seungmin didn’t seem helping by using his own muscles at all, though he did, he was just really weak. He allowed the vocalist to cry into his fresh shirt, while he ran a soothing hand through the younger’s hair, frowning to find it still dripping with water. Glad he still had a towel with him, Felix whispered sweet nothings, while gently rubbing the other’s hair dry. “We wouldn’t want you getting worse from running around with wet hair, would we?”, he hummed lowly, stroking the sobbing boy’s back. “Is already worse”, Seungmin managed to choke out before turning away to cough. The older used this opportunity of not having the younger’s face buried in his shirt to feel his forehead for a fever and sure enough, the vocalist was burning.

The dancer continued to gently rock his dongsaeng in his arms till the latter either calmed down or had exhausted himself, Felix wasn’t sure. “I guess the hot water raised your temperature, sorry you feel so bad”, he whispered, aware of the headache the younger was suffering, “I’ll go find you some medicine and then you can go to bed and hopefully sleep as much of this off as possible.” Seungmin nodded gratefully, though he really didn’t want to let go of his hyung. Feeling cold, he curled into himself tightly, shaking while he waited for the older to return. His nose was itching again and he brought a sweater paw up to his face: “H’iKTsh!’tsh! H-’khSHt’NGsT!”. He must have nodded off after the stuffy triple because the next thing he knew was the dancer rubbing both of his arms for warmth humming: “Hey puppy, do you think you could sit up for a second to swallow this? It should help with both, the fever and the pain.” The vocalist tried but weakly fell back, needing Felix to pull him upright against his chest. “Tha’gs hyu’g”, he mumbled, accepting the pills and washing them down with the lukewarm tea, the dancer steadying the cup to avoid spills. Swallowing was a struggle with how swollen his throat was but his hyung rubbed his chest through the entire following coughing fit.

Felix was getting worried at how weak his dongsaeng had gotten within less than an hour. First, he was sassing him not accepting any help at all and then suddenly he wasn’t even able to sit up by himself. Since it was obvious that Seungmin wouldn’t be walking anywhere, the dancer just scooped him up and carried him to his room, figuring the younger would be most comfortable in his own bed. He was met with no resistance at all but he wasn’t sure whether the flush on the vocalist’s cheeks was from fever or embarrassment, both probably. Tucking Seungmin in, Felix chuckled when his dongsaeng held onto his wrist, tugging him. The grip was really weak and the dancer would have had no problem freeing himself, but he climbed under the blanket with a small smile, heart beating fast, when the younger snuggled into his side. “Want me to read you a story, puppy?”, he whispered. The vocalist nodded against his friend’s arm: “I-I lohh- N’gsCH! *sniff* -love y-your voice.” Chuckling Felix pulled out his phone and searched up a calm and peaceful bedtime story, making sure to keep his voice soft and low, while the hand that didn’t hold the phone drew comforting circles on his dongsaeng’s back.

[qinghe-s]

GETTING TO KNOW ME

i was tagged by @melodious-tear ♥

why did you choose your url?

i feel like that’s obvious to anyone who’s followed me for, like, two days. i know where my heart belongs. besides, the aesthetic of cql!qinghe fucks

any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

well, this. i also run @masseffectcaps although i haven’t posted in a few months; i probably will again once i get my hands on the legendary edition. i started it because original default female shepard didn’t get the respect she deserves from bioware especially. don’t get me started on this bc i will not shut up. i have a lot of feelings.

@celestecraft used to be popular on mineblr; i went on a lot of adventures while playing with a small group of friends and wanted to save them in some way + sharing a hobby is fun. in the past i also had a fairly well-known lgbtq+ blog and a terry pratchett-centric one but that was years ago and my energy to keep up with providing things for others (rather than just enjoying myself) waned.

how long have you been on tumblr?

t...twelve years by now... oh no

do you have a queue tag?

nah. i used to, on my personal, but i almost exclusively post things through the queue so it doesn’t feel like it matters.

why did you start your blog in the first place?

i was lured into this fandom because a good friend of mine played a character based on him in a d&d oneshot and i was immediately and helplessly charmed, saw this gifset a little while later and told her “this. this will make me watch your show” and, well.

it started consuming enough brain space, especially as i was reading the book, that it made sense to keep it contained rather than expose my original followers to this endlessly when they come for — actually i don’t know. pretentious aesthetic and me being gay over star trek women (well, janeway, mainly) and crying over mass effect?

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

that woman is wife city to me. it was nhs previously because... baby

why did you choose your header?

it matches my blog background on desktop. that’s it. it’s for the aesthetic.

what’s your post with the most notes?

on this blog it’s probably this one of me calling lwj a bitch (honorific). i believe this wangxian fic i wrote for vday is a close second. (a couple of my gifsets of nie mingjue looking beautiful are gaining though which is very pleasing to me)

i also have a few posts that have reached the thousands on my mass effect blog, but i don’t keep track of those anymore.

how many followers do you have?

five hundred... something. six hundred? who knows.

how many people do you follow?

a couple of hundred? many are lgbtq+ resource blogs that post very infrequently though, so my dash generally isn’t that cluttered

have you ever made a shitpost?

a couple! i’m not all that funny (perk of being my friend is that you’ll always be the funny one, it’s the main service i provide) but the bitch!lwj one and an outofcontextyaoi text post edit.

how often do you use tumblr each day?

ehh, depends. some days i’ll only check in at night and refresh the dash once in a while when doing other things, other days my brain requires constant input and i’ll open the app on my phone every hour. there is no average.

did you have a fight/argument with a blog once?

yeah, but not here. i pissed a lot of people off a few years ago when i expressed my opinion on sexist portrayals of women in video games in general and mass effect specifically. my opinion was sexism = bad and some people decided that i was wrong and it’s empowering to put career soldiers in styled hair and a full face of makeup for the sake of marketing, actually, while male characters get to have weathered faces and grey hair. it was a fun time. (it was not)

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this post’?

my dashboard is carefully curated and i never see those posts. are they still common? because they suck. don’t guilt people into caring.

do you like tag games?

mostly, yeah! sometimes they require energy i simply don’t have but i also think they’re a nice way to interact without having a direct conversation

do you like ask games?

i’m a lot less fond of those, personally. the chain letter type in particular.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

a lot of them are well known in the fandom actually! which makes me question why they follow me but i am always flattered

do you have a crush on a mutual?

oh absolutely @evakant since we decided we were willing to die for each other after one conversation. wenzhou levels of love happening here.

i’m gonna tag already-mentioned @evakant because reasons but also some people i see in my notes a lot but haven’t talked to — feel free to ignore but also let’s be friends ♥

@shippingsavesmylife @radishsizhui @ahatfullofwords @inappropriatewenning @whateverthemoonhasalwaysmeant

[vietzuko]

if we used to share a discord server, this post is for you!

hello! i am going to try to do this as anonymously and non-confrontationally as possible. i do not want this to be a spectacle or call out post, but i will say that i am quite disturbed by the way situations have transpired on the server. 

in case you didn’t notice, i left! when i left, i wrote a little goodbye post in #general, which has since been deleted. either the mods deleted my goodbye or they banned me from the server (which automatically would delete my message). in case you didn’t see it, here was my goodbye message:

hi everyone, i’m leaving the server. if you’re a POC who is interested in joining an ATLA server where POC can talk about ATLA and critically discuss race, feel free to PM me for a link! otherwise, this is goodbye. see you all around.

i won’t rehash everything that happened in the events leading to this, nor will i name names in this post. if you were on the server, you probably saw what happened publicly or you can message me personally, either here or on discord. if we know each other through the server and you want some clarity over names/events in this post, please PM me. 

if you are a POC in the ATLA fandom who is concerned by the events of this post and you would like me to clarify which server i’m talking about, please PM me.

i just wanted to share the very long message that i sent to the mods (on their prompting!) because i feel that it shows my perspective on what transpired.  unfortunately, this message did not result in any meaningful change, except for me getting banned/my messages removed from the server. i suppose that’s a type of meaning! haha. 

anyway. here’s the message. cw for racism, yellowface

hi MOD 1 (and presumably the other mods who will read this message)! thanks for reaching out. i’ve had some time to dwell on the situation and discuss it with other people in the server who witnessed it and reached out to me personally. this is going to be an unbelievably long message, so i apologize in advance and thank you for your time in reading it.

i think the first thing i’d like to do is give some context for the incident and to give my perspective on why i said the things i said.

i have PMed a mod about a racist incident in the server exactly once. it was when i first joined, and i saw a picture of a white person in yellowface in the cosplay channel. i didn’t know any of you personally yet (and this was before some of you even joined on as mods). i have since told SERVER MEMBER 1 about this incident and i’m pretty sure they mentioned it to you because i noticed you’ve changed the yellowface rule. but i think that the context of me pinging a mod about a racist incident and then witnessing another (although less egregious) instance of racism by the mods might explain why i am, in general, hesitant about talking to mods about racism on the server. i am just trying to live my life and experience as few micro-aggressions as possible.

i also think the fact that i regularly educate and push back against white people’s racially harmful messages in the server is also important context. i realize none of you likely know this, but about every two weeks i receive an unsolicited PM from a different white person apologizing/asking for forgiveness/asking for reassurance/asking further questions about their racism on the server. i’m glad people are learning from me, but this is a huge amount of emotional labor that i put into the server and its members because of course i have to reply and explain things and tell them not to worry and thank them for apologizing, etc. i know that these messages aren’t your fault, nor am i asking you to do anything about this. but it feels important that you know the price that i (and perhaps other poc in the server, although i can’t speak to that) pay in order to share space with you.

MOD 2 has even messaged me personally to thank me for educating people in the server and responding to racist messages, saying: “really appreciate how much effort you put in and everything, i was trying to type something up but floundering badly.” it was a nice message, and i appreciated it a lot! it also led me to believe that the mods would prefer if i engage with racist messages myself, rather than ping them, because it felt like i was just going to be more able/willing to articulate a response anyway.

so when SERVER MEMBER 2 messaged the zukka channel “thought that lives in my head rent free: Sokka's hairstyle in canon is just a warrior's hairstyle and has meaning because of that. Sokka wearing the same hairstyle in a modern AU is undisputably queer-coded” and nobody replied for a while, i assumed that it was because they had seen what i had seen-- a racially insensitive message that totally ignores sokka’s indigenous heritage and the history behind indigenous hair-- so i decided to step in with what i thought was a balanced response. 

SERVER MEMBER 2 then replied with a cheery “Fair enough! I will defer to your greater knowledge,” which i couldn’t tell was sarcastic or not, but i decided to be generous and to believe they were genuinely thankful for my reply, so i responded with a “you too can have great knowledge. i only know things because i read things. anyone can read things and learn,” which is something i firmly believe and also a way to divert the conversation away from SERVER MEMBER 2’s mistake, which i felt was the most dignified solution for them. i suppose this message could be read as aggressive because i didn’t use exclamation marks? but that feels unfair and ungenerous because i genuinely did not mean this message in a harsh way.

then SERVER MEMBER 3 jumped in and asked a few questions, which i read as a request for clarification, so i tried to continue to explain my point. it felt like SERVER MEMBER 3 wasn’t understanding what i was trying to explain, or at least i wasn’t able to articulate myself well enough, which was making me a little tired and stressy (and i was also thinking about my own race and queerness in stressful and triggering ways), so i decided to tap out of the conversation. 

me: dude i love u and i respect u and i truly believe that u are trying very hard to understand, but this conversation is making me kinda heated

SERVER MEMBER 3: I’m gonna step back from it because it’s not my conversation to insert myself into, which is what I did initially and apologize for

me: i think it's so important to engage + ask questions & i appreciate that u respect my opinions on these things, but i think i'm just. i have said what i need to say and now must sleep. much love to all.

to me, this felt like me expressing that i was feeling tired and upset and leaving the conversation, while still attempting to reassure SERVER MEMBER 3 that i still admired him as a friend. i felt like the conversation had ended peacefully!

i hope this helps explain why MOD 3’s message came as such a surprise. 

“the escalation to defensiveness and accusation regarding the original (relatively benign) statement was unnecessary and exaggerated. There’s an atmosphere of purity policing that’s been growing, which is why I took away the squick channel, as I assumed that a space that encouraged no repercussions was facilitating irresponsibility aggressive arguments. “

i truly didn’t believe i was being defensive. i was very careful not to accuse anyone of anything. in fact, i tried as far as i could to coat my language in “i” statements-- “i would personally not choose…”, “i would just. stay away from…” in order to avoid “accusations.” i was also trying very hard not to be aggressive, and i (and other poc that i have spoken to about this) believe that the idea that my messages were aggressive is racialized. just because a poc is upset about racism, it doesn’t mean they’re attacking you personally! 

i feel so hurt that my messages were wilfully interpreted in this way, instead of being read generously and from a more compassionate perspective, especially since i voiced my own upset and discomfort during the conversation. it distresses me to think that me expressing negative emotions is seen as aggressive, rather than a cause for empathy or care, and i do believe that this is because of my race.

if a mod had asked me to take the messages to the DMs or to squick or even just let me know that someone was interpreting my messages as aggressive, i would have changed my behavior. (like i said earlier, i spend a HUGE amount of energy coddling white people on this server. i am very used to it.) 

instead, i got the shock of 45 minutes after the fact, being publicly chastised and labeled as aggressive and being told that my conversation was “something nasty or unwanted.” 

the idea that SERVER MEMBER 3 was de-escalating a “clearly escalating situation” feels untrue to me. i was ready to move on after i sent my message to SERVER MEMBER 2, but he kept engaging me on the subject! (no hate to SERVER MEMBER 3 on this.)

i think one of the most painful parts of this whole situation is the implication that i was attempting to “purity police,” as though i am a person who picks fights just because i want to feel good about picking fights?? or to act holier-than-thou???? i do not do this. if you have witnessed ANY interaction i’ve had with a racially insensitive white person on the server, you will know this. 

i am simply a person of color trying to live my life. i do not want to fight about racism. i want to chill out and watch my cartoons. unfortunately, sometimes, someone will say something that i consider racially insensitive and i will do my best to engage and explain why i find this insensitive. that is all. (it is important to note that most of the time, when i see racially insensitive things on the server, i do not say anything because i am tired and it is a lot of effort to engage. i truly only engaged this time because nobody had replied to the message and i was just like, oh, fine, i guess i’ll educate, since no one else has!)

this whole incident has honestly made me really hurt and disrespected. i have enjoyed my time on the server and i have made some good friends there. however, it feels clearer and clearer to me that the server is a space where white feelings of safety (not being criticized for their racist content) are prioritized over poc’s feelings of safety (not having to witness and experience racist content). i sincerely considered myself to be an active and enthusiastic member of the server, maybe even friends with some of you, but it feels to me that all of our previous positive interactions have been displaced by this idea of me as an aggressive, overzealous purity cop who calls things racist for fun. 

i don’t even know how to repair my relationship with the server after this because i really do feel horrible and sick about the whole thing. i have spoken to other poc who also expressed their concerns about the way the mods handled the situation, even if these other poc weren’t directly involved, and some of us are considering leaving the server, if we haven’t already. (i would also like to note that these people reached out to me, unprompted, to make sure i was doing okay after what they and i interpreted as a micro-aggression by the mods. like, we independently read the situation in this way.)

(also, not sure if this matters, but i talked to SERVER MEMBER 3 the morning after the incident because i wanted to make sure he was okay, and we both ended up apologizing to each other and having a really good and productive talk.)

thanks again for reading this. i hope that you’ll be able to better understand my perspective on what occurred. i truly appreciate the work that you put into the server (especially as someone who also puts work into the server lol), and i know it’s difficult to mod a large server (i also mod an atla server!), but i continue to feel hurt about this. i know it’s hard to read tone over server messages, but i really wish that my (and SERVER MEMBER 4′s and SERVER MEMBER 5′s ) server messages had been read with greater compassion. 

...

and that’s all folks! i’m going to be remaking my blog soon, partially because this whole experience has exhausted me and partially because i have been meaning to anonymize my internet presence for some time.

[hearts-of-cards]

Guidelines

Basics

This is an indie multimuse RP blog that has canon characters from various Yugioh franchises.

This blog is semi-selective and semi-private. I will not always write with non-mutuals, but I am open to if I enjoy your muse/muses.

I don't mind personal blogs following though I probably won't follow back unless I either know you, you tell me you have a sideblog, or I enjoy the content.

This blog is multiverse, multiship. Each interaction will go into its own world/verse/etc. You may mention my muses in other threads, blogs, but I won't tolerate drama.

I am willing to interact with canon/OC's/other fandoms. 

If your character is an OC/FC related to/knows of my canon muse, they will not know them upon first interaction. I am a bit iffy about accepting pre-established relationships with these characters.

This blog's muses don't really have a setting/world of its own as I enjoy a variety of AU's, verses.

Threads

I am open to a lot of topics/genres. NSFW is possible and loved with the right scenario, setting, chemistry. Sexual content is accepted, but I am selective with smut itself and prefer to know the mun at least a bit as I am demisexual/graysexual.

I tend to match my partner's length. You do not need to match mine, just don't leave me with a one-liner when I reply with like 2-3+ paragraphs.

Plots, memes, whichever is fine. I do however suck at plotting at first, but will brainstorm and throw ideas out.

Always feel free to ask for a starter or use the inbox itself for starters and interactions. 

Replies

Do not hassle me for replies. You can remind me to get to one if its been a week+. I have limited energy at times, and being hassled just makes coming to any blog unappealing.

If you continue to hassle me over a reply (a nudge is fine) I will put it at the bottom of my to do list, drop it or block you.

I can be selective with my replies. I am not ignoring you if you think I'm not getting to your reply.

I actually want to write with muns who are interested in writing with me. Those I have known longer and have friendships with will probably get preference, otherwise I will draft things immediately be they asks, threads, and work from oldest or what I have enough mental energy/muse for.

I will tend to queue replies as it's easier. Sometimes I will reply quickly and sometimes I will need a break to just recharge by binging anime, reading or gaming.

If I don't reply to something soon, don't spam me with messages. I am not always quick to respond and sometimes get easily distracted, forget, and it can stress me out.

Please be patient with me, I do not always have time to get to everything and life is a thing.

Asks/IM

Anon hate will be deleted most likely unless I can think of a sassy remark. Depends. 

I don't mind RPing with asks (or back and forth through inbox) however I will most likely move them away from asks into their own continued threads.

IMing is for OOC and for mutuals (though if you message me from a sideblog about writing, I will accept that).

Select a Character

As this is a multimuse blog, there are several different characters to choose from. 

If you never specify a muse or have a preference for me to use, I will pick whoever I feel like writing as at the moment. This applies to starters and memes in inbox.

If you want to interact with a specific verse for a muse, please specify.

Shipping

If you would like to ship with a muse, please feel free to let me know. I will take pre-established with the right chemistry.

Do not force ships on me, please.

All I ask for is some form of chemistry at least

This is a multiship blog. I may make some characters single ship, but unless specified they all are multiship.

I love shipping, and smut, but I will never force it. I am perfectly fine with skipping or fading to black. I am demisexual/graysexual I understand completely those who are iffy about that brand of nsfw

Other

I have other blogs, hobbies, if I'm not online that is why. I have limited mental energy that tires me out at times.

I will send out memes, but you can feel free to either answer or ignore these. I send them out because I enjoy doing it and I want to make other people feel wanted, welcomed, etc. If I annoy you feel free to let me know. It is never my intention to be a nuisance to anyone.

I don't really care if you reblog memes from me, musings, aesthetics, etc. I welcome this actually since it gives me a reminder to check out your blog and send things.

I don't really have any triggers. If you have a trigger and need it tagged, let me know.

No godmodding.

If you have a problem with me, please feel free to message me privately. I don't tolerate hate or drama. 

Last but most important:

RPing is for fun. It's a hobby. I do this to have fun. I hope we can all get along.

[rpbetter]

Is it okay to vent? I've been modding an rp group with friends and recently, I really haven't felt like things have been fair? Everything feels like it's swinging in favor towards a particular character of a person made recently mod and I hate it. It's also like there are several people very quiet in the group now and I've made like observations that might be concerning and brought it up, but no one seems to listen to me? I'm honestly just wishing I could care less right now bc while the original mod group was a group of friends, I'm struggling with feeling apart of it now and torn between going radio silence or forcing myself to expend effort more in hopes I'll actually feel like I have friends again.

Any time, Anon!

That is definitely an uncool situation right there, I'm sorry that's happening. If it makes you feel any better, I'm very sure that a lot of others understand too well what you're going through. I know I do! I wish I knew what the solid answer was to the entire, far too prevalent issue with RP groups failing for such reasons is, as well as this too frequently happening in any group of mods of anything, but I don't think there is just one answer that can be applied.

More specifically, though...to be painfully honest with you? The only thing here you can control is yourself. I know the suggestion should be a redundant and assumptive "have you tried talking to them more directly, you probably weren't direct enough" but lol you literally said you have brought this up and I don't feel like any number of times rehashing the way in which you've done so is going to make them listen. I'm not advising you to not try that, but I am advising you to not expect different results - only do that if it's going to help you move on. (Like, feeling a sense of well, I tried my best and they are not in a place to care, so, I'm done.)

I sincerely wish there was a way to just not feel things, not care about things, especially when you logically know it probably shouldn't dig at you as badly as it is! If anyone out there finds a secret to this, we're all dying to know, please share! But what you can do is slowly detach from the situation, and I think this might be best.

I know it was a friend group, I know how badly this hurts and how unfair it is...how it sort of changes the landscape of your RP time, too. I think, even if we do not consciously realize it, it's a goal most of us have to establish a good friend group we RP with, just like we establish friend groups in games. We feel so much more comfortable with this group of people we can enjoy all aspects of RP with, because let's face it, it can be a kind of odd thing to discuss with other people if they do not RP, even in a fandom. We also tend to develop our muses and our writing with our friends, naturally. So, achieving that only to lose it is tough, and it's tough no matter how many times it happens to you.

However, I really meant it when I said I don't think they're in a place to listen. Obviously, I'm not there in your RP group, I'm not seeing what is going on, I'm not hanging out with your friends (I mean? Probably? lol the RPC can be vast yet so tiny), but going off of what you've said and what I've experienced, that's really what I feel here. People have a simple tendency, in all group situations, to not be ready to see something as a problem until it's well past being easily addressed. Trying to force it into their field of vision is likely to make them angry and to see them more obstinately ignoring it.

Some reasons for that are not wanting to argue/fear of ruining things, genuinely being oblivious to the issue, enjoying the factors that are an issue for others, and favoritism. These are not things you can change. All you can do, as far as trying to address it again, is to figure out which of these/which combination is going on with the person in the group most likely to listen to you so that you can better talk to them. Whether you agree with them or not, understanding where someone is coming from is helpful to speaking with them. You can better phrase things so they're not triggering negative emotions.

For example, let's say you feel like it's a combination of this hypothetical one friend enjoying what is making others upset (let us say that this new member writes something with their muse they enjoy) and that it's become favoritism because of this and/or other factors (they're the one who brought them into the group, they were already a friend). Okay, so, now you have an idea of what you can say that won't prod at any feelings of accusation, jealousy, or even their own guilt.

Instead of: "Listen, I know x is your favorite person and you will always choose them over everyone else, but this is a real problem and I need you to hear me about it."

Try: "Hey, I'm needing to talk to you because I feel like this is such a serious issue. I've tried to discuss it with the entire group, but I've not been listened to and I know the group RP is as important to you as it is to me. I really enjoy x as well, they do y great and they're so z, but the way that the focus of the group has swung entirely to their character is a big problem for many in the group. If you've noticed, the activity of several others has dropped off. People feel they're not being listened to and that their characters and bits in the storyline aren't of equal importance anymore. What do you think we can do about this?"

Right out of the gate, you're expressing that you know they like this other person, but you don't dislike them or anything, you dislike what has happened in the situation. You've also given them the (correct) impression that this is endangering the RP, and that they are someone you feel is both interested and reasonable enough to want to fix the problem.

Again, do not expect that it's going to change anything, but if it'd make you feel better to try one more time, do it.

The problem so often with being a mod, even among a friend group who are also mods, is that moderators are very often set up only to act in the event of such extreme drama that the others won't want to deal with it. As a mod, you feel (again, correctly) that it's your job to...you know, moderate. That doesn't just mean disputes, it also means pre-dispute situations like this, among other things. However, the actual top moderator complaint is always that they're not listened to unless it's a problem that has kind of imploded the group. The kind of problem the rest of the group doesn't want to resolve for fear of seeming to play favorites or, frankly, fear of looking like a bitch. This is absolutely something that will put devastating cracks into the RP group, but since it isn't crumbling it rapidly yet...they'd probably rather that you just ignore it. Then, are rather likely to either drop the RP or want you to resolve it magically because you're the one who brought it up way back when it fixable.

So, we're back to "it's not a problem you can fix or control despite your position" yes.

And we can go back to what you can do to mitigate your own upset somewhat, also, yes. :D

There's this whole thing about ripping off the bandaid that just isn't applicable to all situations. (It isn't even applicable to all literal injury situations, damn.) This is one of them for a lot of people. Slowly distancing yourself so you can start putting energy into things that will return your investment of time, creativity, friendship might be better for you than just abruptly going radio silent, or even more drastically, leaving.

Don't engage with the group RP as often or in as timely a manner, be less of a presence there. It's difficult at first, but see, when you feel the drive to be there, you then use it for something else. If you have other RPs outside of this, reply to one of them instead. If you don't, start seeking out new partners/RPs instead. You have other RPs but they all owe you right now? Not a problem, do some character development. Whatever keeps you from spending as much time there.

As you do this, it's much easier to not be there. Just drop in to do what you have to. It becomes difficult, eventually, to be bothered to do so, I promise. A lot of other things you did not like that you were tolerating because these are your friends and this is something you enjoy, they'll become obnoxiously obvious. You know what else either will or won't? Them missing you being there.

If they do miss your presence and friendship, that's great! That's the best outcome. It might put into sharper perspective how bad the issue was, they might be more willing to address the problem now, make it a dedicated effort to not show that kind of attention to just one member's character/one member.

If they do not, then that does very much hurt. This is, unfortunately, how many friendships in the RPC decline. Not heated arguments, but rather, quiet inattention and replacement. If this happens, I'm so sorry, Anon. I can say all day long the total truth of the matter, that it wasn't the best group for friendship longevity and you can at least take the memories and lessons with you, but it won't stop it from stinging. However, because you have started to make other things your priority, it does lessen the upset.

Either way, this is a really frustrating situation! I think you've kind of answered what you need to do just in the phrasing here, "I'm struggling with feeling apart of it now and torn between going radio silence or forcing myself to expend effort more in hopes I'll actually feel like I have friends again." When we start feeling like have to force ourselves to expend more effort out of desperation to feel friendship like we once did, that's not a situation we should stay in. Sometimes, we just need to vent about it and see it pointed out to us to realize it, you know? Because it is hard to lose our friends and comfort zones, even when they've soured.

Maybe trial run slow distancing, just responding to the people who also feel like they're being left out, perhaps? Until the situation improves or you feel like you can move on easier. Nothing about this is going to be painless, but you can at least insulate yourself a bit while leaving the ball visibly in their court - I expressed this was a problem, it was ignored and is an ongoing problem, so, I'm not as invested anymore and it is up to you now to stay on that track or demonstrate some changes.

I hope that whatever happens, it's good for you! Even if it feels awful for a while, I hope it's eventually great. Maybe it's the thing you need to find an even better group, you never know until happens! I also hope that my delay in response didn't make things worse for you, please know I've felt really guilty about it despite not being able to get online :| I know just being seen at the moment you're feeling so frustrated and down helps so much!

[iscream4clones]

Hello my absolutely stunning, gorgeous, talented, wonderful followers!! There is now 200+ of you and I am BROKEN.

My blog is like…. 8? 9? Weeks old??? Never in a million years would I have believed someone if they told me I would make it this far with so much support.

There’s literally so much I want to say to all of you. How I made this blog during a really difficult time in my life and I was met with nothing but positivity and support. How I often go back and read your lovely comments and feedback on my work to make my days better. How much I love seeing you all share your wonderful creativity in so many different forms. How my list of fics to read is literally endless because y’all are just so talented and I want to drown in it. 

I could get endlessly sappy but I’m just going to get right to it and show all the plans I have to show my appreciation for all of you.

Honestly I had so many ideas for a follower celebration, and I really thought I was set on one…. But then I decided I want all of you to decide what you want!

First voting group: Clone content! Please vote for ONE in this group AND one for the second group! Your vote will help me decide on what I am going to put most of my energy and focus on for the time being. Feedback or comments on the content is allowed, but I will attribute one vote per person.

Hozier inspired Wolffe x Reader fic (which may turn into multiple chapters! But I can’t 100% promise this): by choosing this, it means you want me to focus solely on writing this fic. This will mean less overall content from me as I focus most of my attention to this one.

Drabble parties: drabble parties will be like rapid fire drabbles… I will make a post signifying they are open, and I will answer as many drabble requests as possible within a certain time limit. Everything I do not get to will be deleted, however there may be one lucky request that I will keep to turn into a longer drabble, headcannons, or even a full fic! I might also combine the remaining requests to make one big fic)

Soft Fives collection: essentially I will just write a collection of very soft fics/drabbles/hcs for Fives only

Soft Rex collection: essentially I will just write a collection of very soft fics/drabbles/hcs for Rex only

Crack smut: I’ve never written smut in my life, and I’m asexual. I will make an attempt to write smut for a clone of my choosing and it will be horrible and probably not enjoyable. Or it could turn out to be wonderfully steamy? No one will know until it’s done.

Second voting group: Miscellaneous content! When I’m not working on clone content, this is the second thing I will be bringing my attention to. Again feedback is welcome especially for this grouping, and might be weighted more than the actual votes. However, still please only vote for ONE.

More poetry: not much to say here, I’ll just focus on writing and posting more poetry

Being asexual in a sexual fandom: I’ve actually tried to write this a few times but my thoughts are scattered. If this is voted for I will just make sure to take time and organize my thoughts

Content about my OC, Neiza: This will probably be a mix of things like character refs, maybe some artwork, picrews of her, headcannons, fics, or drabbles. Might also include “interview hour” where you can ask me questions about Neiza during that time.

Padme and a self conscious reader going shopping drabble/fic: this idea randomly came to me one day and I thought it would be fun!

Suicide awareness month mental health support/my story/tips/coping mechanisms/etc.: Really this sounds weird, but by selecting this I would essentially write a short success story about my struggles and successes with fighting depression and suicide with hopes that it could help people. I do have a psychology degree so I will probably include some interesting viewpoints from a clinical/educational standpoint rather than just my own feelings and recollections of events. Being open about mental health is important and I am very willing to share my experiences if it shows people it’s ok to talk about themselves and their struggles openly.

Art: I could just… post some of my art. And maybe start making more of it. Give me an excuse to buy paint and materials

How to vote: comment on this post, send me a message, an ask, or talk to me on discord. Voting will end whenever I feel I have enough votes, but I will definitely announce a date when that time gets close. 

Now that the business is all over, time to share some additional love <3

Special shout out to my lovely clone hoes whom I literally love with all my being. I can’t express how much I adore and cherish all of you and I love you all SO MUCH:

@bad-batch-of-fics @lizzyolanda1966 @captainrexisboo @your-clone-boyfriend

And some love and appreciate for some mutuals/followers who always support my work <3 I see you and I love you:

@simping-for-fives @nelba @the-mandalorian-clone-lover @anakinswhore @ahsokatano-thetogruta @icanbringyouincold @jyvorakal @fiveshotsofjager @ollovaemisc @kote-ko @javorszarvas6 @000ayfh @leias-left-hair-bun and everyone else I forgot to tag! I tried to go through my activity but it is a mess.

I literally cannot express how much I appreciate every single one of you, followers and mutuals, and for all of the support and kindness you have shown. You’re all absolutely precious and deserve the world. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart <3