#i am wearing this every day like a cartoon character

[heathcliffgirl1847]

MELVILLE SWEATER DONE I AM CAPTAIN AHAB THIS IS MY WHITE WHALE

pattern is melville sweater by sarabeth hall on ravelry go check it out!!!

some details from the pattern: the raglan shaping (that is, those two lines that are running from the collar that divide the sleeves from the body) spells out s-o-s in morse code, and the waves one the sleeves are fibonacci spaced. i love these details, so cool!!

first colourwork sweater, second sweater ever, first wearable one, i am very happy. the only modification i did was make the sleeves a bit longer (i am tall lol) and did a few more rows for the neck ribbing yay

[necromycologist]

truly nothing on this bitch of an earth compares to the pleasure of discovering a Fit or perhaps even a Colour Scheme

[melanieph321]

Kenan Yildiz x Reader - The Costume

+18

I'm dead 😭😭 who ever edited this image may the lord bless you and your children, and their children's children. 🙏🙏

This look on him is so hilarious, I don't know why!

Summary - Kenan wants you to wear matching costumes for a party. But you warn him why this is a bad idea. A VERY bad idea.

Enjoy! 🤭

"Come on Y/N. Please come out and let me see you."

"No, Kenan. I simply refuse."

You heard him sigh behind the dressing room curtains. "Come on, baby. We said we would dress up together for Weston's costume party. All of my teammates' girlfriends are going to match each other."

"Kenan, I am not dressing up as a gladiatrix." The curtains drew open as you stepped out of the small dressing room. It was evident, the disappointment on Kenan's face seeing you back in your regular clothes. "It's not happening baby. I'm sorry." You handed him back the costume that he had picked out for you. Although it fit you well, it just wasn't your style.

"Well, I'm still going as a gladiator." He stated bitterly.

"You do that Kenan, you do that."

Despite your firm decision, the days leading up to the event consisted solemnly of your boyfriend insisting that the two of you dress up in matching costumes. "Please baby, please. Did I tell you that there will be a price for the best dressed couple? You know how much I hate to lose, don't you baby."

"Kenan." Your sigh was heavy. "I told you that I'm willing to dress up as anything but a gladiatrix."

"But why?" He cried and rightfully so, considering that one of Kenan's favorite movies was The Gladiator. "You'll look so good. Like a Worrier."

"No, Kenan. I'll look stupid, all to satisfy the male gaze."

"Is that what this is about?" Kenan crossed his arms in suspicion. "You think by weaning the gladiatrix costume you're going to become sexualized by guys at the party."

"'Duh. What else. I'm going to show more skin than what is necessary. And I'm sure that the women of ancient Rome didn't wear push up bras."

"Your words made Kenan chuckle, his adorable smile getting on your every nerve."

"What, you don't believe me?"

"That you'll be sexualized. No." Kenan said. "We're talking about my teammates Y/N, They wouldn't do anything to make you feel uncomfortable. Besides, don't all girls dress a bit loose during these things. It's normal, no?"

There was no getting through to him. Kenan was standing firm on the matter. "You know what fine."

"Fine?"

"Yes, fine. I'll dress up for the party and I'll have a great time doing it. But don't come crying to me once you realize why this is a bad idea."

"Trust me." Kenan grinned. "I won't."

Eventually the night of the party came around, with Kenan picking you up while dressed as a handsome gladiator. You, on the other hand, wore a long coat, with long sleeves to protect you from the winter cold.

"You look beautiful, baby. Your makeup, I mean."

"Thank you Kenan. That's really sweet of you to say."

He leaned forward in the car, pressing his soft lips against your jaw. "I'm really happy that you changed your mind about the costume. You'll see, we'll be the best dressed couple for sure."

You made an effort to smile at him, a stiff smile, knowing what was coming was nothing short of disastrous. Having dated Kenan for the last two years, you were aware of his proud attachment to you. It was almost territorial, meaning Kenan was easily jealous whenever others became aware of you. Other men, that is.

"Hey, you made it!"

Upon arriving at the party, you and Kenen were greeted at the door by the host himself. Weston McKennie, dressed as a very convincing Ninja Turtle.

"You look awesome, Wes. Nice party."

"Thank you, K. The two of you can hang your jackets upstairs. I'll meet you guys around back."

"Okay."

The party was nice indeed. Most of Kenan's teammates were present, and their friends, who brought other friends. It was a bit crowded actually, with Westons villa crawling with people dressed up as anything from cartoon characters, superheroes and historical figures like Julio Cesar. You let Kenan emerge with it all while you headed upstairs to get rid of your coat. There you made the final touch ups to your costume, mainly polishing your plastic sword and pushing up your already suffocating breast. But hey, if this was the only way to prove a pint, so be it.

It wasn't that you were uncomfortable with having all eyes on you. It actually boost your confidence, adding an alluring groove to your walk. However, while all eyes on you was exciting and arousing, you preferred the gaze of one man and one man only."

"Y/N?"

As you returned downstairs, exposed in your gladiatrix costume, a wave of curious mumbles followed you as you sought out your boyfriend who stood chatting with his teammates. As you tapped him on the shoulder with your sword he turned his head, his eyes growing wider than you've ever seen them before.

"How do I look?" You said, batting your lashes.

"Look…" Kenan stammered as he temporarily lost his trail of thought. He regarded your costume with a longing gaze. Admiring the length of your worrier dress, which cut way above your knees, the draft being ridiculously swift.

"I— you look."

"Damn, Y/N. You look like fire." Weston appeared behind Kenan, he too, taking sudden interest in your costume."

"Fire?" You chuckled. "No, I'm supposed to be a gladiatrix."

"Yes you are."

"Hey." Kenan hissed, a slight flush to his cheeks.

Weston chuckled. "Sorry man. But you have to admit you're girlfriend looks hot in her costume. Hotter than you."

"Ha ha, very funny."

"Kenan!" You protested as he without warning grabbed a hold of your wrist dragging you with him through the house. "Is something wrong baby? What's gotten you so upset?"

He threw you a poisonous gaze over his shoulder, his voice slightly changed. "You know exactly what's wrong."

To this you smile. Your boyfriend, the one encouraging you to look the way you looked, barely lasted minute a minute seeing you in it. Utter jealousy overwhelming him as he led you through his teammates house, forcing you to join him in the nearest bathroom. There he let you go, supporting himself against the sink while struggling to yield his rising temper.

You tilted your head, regarding him with a devious grin. "Do you have to pee or something?"

Kenan raised his head, frustration in his eyes. "You think this is funny, don't you?"

"A little." You shrugged.

Kenan stepped away from the sink, regaining his posture before approaching you with slow steps.

"Kenan, baby." You chuckled nervously, lowering your gaze, eyes expanding at the sight of the outline of your boyfriend's trousers.

"Look what you've done to me." He said. "In front of everyone, you've left me this eager to have you."

"Ehm, sorry." You were backed up against a wall, Kenan, bowing his lips towards your ear.

"On your knees, now."

A shiver ran down your spine, the sudan shock causing a damp between your thighs. But as your knees folded beneath you, Kenan acted swiftly, changing his mind boy turning your body around. With arm around your waist he had you arch against him, his hard erection putting pressure against your exposed pantties.

"God, I should've never let you out of the house in that costume."

"Told you."

Kenan chuckled, adjusting your hair to rest over your shoulder he could kiss you. You tasted each other while he unbuckled his leather belt, dropping his pants to the bathroom floor. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard."

"How hard?" You moaned, your nipples having grown stiff against the wall.

"As hard as you like me to, baby."

"Good. Now get in with it."

You may have won the best dressed couple of the party, who knows? With the loud music pounding the walls of the house, you and Kenan failed to leave the bathroom for the entirety of that night, occupying yourself with some pounding of your own.

The End

[welcome-to-green-hills]

In light of you getting snow mystery. I think that you should make some headcanons of the boys (and Shadow) enjoying the snow

ASDFGHJKL! I am more than happy to share some Snow Day headcanons with you hon (I grew up in Florida and this is really my first Snow Day up north, so I’m learning how to snow 👉🥹👈):

Maddie would definitely be the type of mom to bundle her boys up in five layers of jackets, snow pants, scarves, and hats to the point that they can’t move. It’s all worth it in the end because she ends the bundle with a kiss on the nose.

As soon as it starts getting cold, Maddie and Tom drag their sons to the malls in Spring Valley to try on different winter clothes to wear. They’re growing boys and their warmies are always too small by the time the weather breaks.

Sonic is a UGG girly. ‘Nuff said.

Knuckles is a novelty sock girly. He needs socs with fluff and cartoon characters on it.

Tails is a fun hat girly. He likes wearing beanies with Chao heads on it or something comical.

The boys go nuts for snow cream. But they ONLY like it if it’s got sprinkles on it. It has to be a specific color or they won’t eat it.

Each of the boys like to make snow Puppers in the forms of their family. Unless Uncle Wade gets involved, then it’s an army that they make and pretend to have a snow fight with snowballs projected to one another.

The first time Shadow experienced snow was a shock to him. He was wrapped in some of the finest jackets that Maria stole from the scientists—along with a scarf that she made him—and took him on a stroll in the mountains. He fell over multiple times due to not understanding how to balance in the snow.

Shadow also tried to sneak a snowball into the bunker to show to a Young Director Walters, but got upset when it melted. Maria replaced it when Shadow wasn’t looking just to see him smile.

Tails documents every type of snow flake in Montana, photographs them, and keeps a journal of all of the shapes that he’s seen. He’s shared all of his photos with the family to enjoy.

Sonic and Knuckles are competitive snow sleds riders. They’ve tried once to build their own sled to go faster than the kids in town, but it accidentally caught on fire. Don’t ask. Just know that the fire was cool and they toasted marshmallows over it.

None of the boys can ice skate to save their lives. Whenever Shadow comes to visit he has to coach the boys on how to glide over ice.

Tom tried once to take his sons ice fishing. They didn’t last ten minutes on the ice.

Maddie crochet each of her sons a pair of mittens to wear. Since Shadow visits, she made him some as well to assure him that they do care about him. Shadow always wears his purple gloves whenever he comes to visit.

It’s become a tradition where the Wachowski family will get breakfast pizza (it HAS to be a pie cut evenly into five slices with specific toppings accordingly) downtown and take it to the farmers market to buy holiday goodies.

On very, very cold nights, Tom builds a fire downstairs and Maddie throws bedding on the floor to build a nest. Pillows and blankets cover the floor for all five of them (maybe six or seven if Wade and/or Shadow come) to bundle in while watching black and white films.

The boys go apeshit for frozen bubbles. It doesn’t matter how old Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles are, but they love seeing the bubbles freeze over and leave pretty flakes on it.

If Shadow comes to visit, Sonic likes to wake him up early in the morning to watch the sun rise on the rooftops before everyone wakes up. Neither of them say anything, but they do enjoy a hot chocolate on the rooftop and the sunrise.

[radioisntdead]

Happy Father's Day folks! I bring you Alastor, Vox and Husk dad headcanons because the original fic I was writing wouldn't be done in time so that'll be posted eventually.

Alastor

Well it looks like someone got picked up off the streets! You!

I love the accidentally became a dad trope for Alastor, he just causally stumbled upon you and then couldn't get rid of you.

Occasionally tries to get you to sign your soul to him especially if you have potential to become someone great and powerful.

Fails to optain your soul EVERY SINGLE TIME, L, sucks for him.

The only screentime you get is when the hotel has movie nights or whenever anyone that's not Alastor is babysitting you lets you watch cartoons.

Teaches you how to cook Louisianan dishes, like how his mother taught him.

I imagine he reads you the original version of the grimm brother fairy tales.

You get him this shirt and he wears it as a pajama or whenever Lucifers near by.

He doesn't seem like the type to drive but if he does he plays jazz and talks about it like how dad's talking about rock or whatever they listen to.

Dad jokes, dad jokes galore.

Vox

Firstly I am so sorry that you're an iPad kid!

Does NOT LEAVE YOU ALONE with Valentino,

Depending if you're biological child from his time alive or not you might actually have a screen head.

iPad kid, iPad Dad.

Valentino is smart enough to know that he's not to mess with you but it's Valentino.

Velvette is either your aunt, older sister figure or cousin figure.

Definitely gives you all the latest electronics.

I'm pretty sure you're a nepotism baby here so you wanna star in a movie? A regular NON- Valentino film? You're the main character! You wanna start a singing career? Hatsune Miku who?

You probably have your own show on his TV programs.

Someone upsets you? You're whipping out your phone and calling Daddy.

Like my other Dad vox headcanons, You just chill out in his office at times, or chill out in the back while he's hosting a meeting popping in with your two cents every once in awhile.

In the totally unlikely event that he gets taken out during extermination, you get Voxtech.

Husker

If you're underage he's not giving you drinks, doesn't matter that you're both in hell, you're not drinking underage!

He's definitely the type of dad to let you take a sip from his beer during like new years or something though but like not a whole bottle.

I personally headcanon that he's been divorced like twice and has at least two kids so who knows you might have a sibling running around somewhere!

I imagine you're also a cat, meow.

He's actually a decent dad, definitely supports you in whatever you wanna do although grumpily.

Has a picture of you as a baby in his wallet, or hat.

You mention you like that specific brand of chips? He's getting you some every time he goes to the store.

Your favorite soda is A PAIN TO FIND? and it's only at specific stores? He gets you a couple of them whenever he sees them.

Teaches you magic tricks and also how to gamble,

He taught you everything he knows.

Happy Father's Day folks! I hope you have a wonderful day and spend time with your fathers/father figures or if you don't have one of those that you have a good day regardless,

Despite the oddly common assumption, I do infact have a Dad, so I will be hanging out with my dad until he has to leave because he's going to a game, as always thank you for tuning in!

Psst! You should totally join our discord server!

[roturo]

SUPER SHY megumi fushiguru x f!reader

summary: way too scared to make a move on your brother's best-friend.

warnings: nsfw, aged up characters, reader is yuuji's little sister, reader is shy, semi-public, sexual tension, bad pick up lines lol, not beta read, fluff?, not finished.

A/N: This was a draft I wanted to post before I went for a break, I didn't have the motivation to finish it, mostly because of how insecure I am with my writings rn, but I know myself, and I know I wouldn't post this one after my break and i'm sorry if I didn't finish it but here it is.

It's your second semester in jujutsu tech, and you can't still seem to stop looking for Fushiguro Megumi.

He's in fourth semester, class president, and quite popular in your classroom. Mostly because of how handsome he is and every girl is thirsting over him.

You never understood the hype until you saw him for the first time at your brother's house. It's been, what? nearly a year? They were doing a school project, more like he's doing a school project while Yuuji stayed playing videogames in the living room. He was wearing an oversized black crewneck with some jeans. Simple choose of clothes, but why does he look extremely handsome in them?

¨Uh... hi.¨ You entered the living room with no clue Yuuji would be here with his friend, at least he could notify you about having friends over so you could change into more appropriate clothes. But I guess some tiny shorts and your brother's T-shirt wasn't bad.

¨Oh! This is Megumi¨ He introduced you by saying your name and for him to know both of you are step-family.

Since then you could never take your eyes out of him.

You told your friends about him and how you could never approach him, even when he's in your house. Something about his aura made you really shy to approach him or even come out of your room to see him. And when Yuuji introduced you to Nobara so you could be 'shopping besties' things could'nt get worse.

Nobara is a great person, she's not the problem. It's her friend group. It's Megumi Fushiguro and his hot damn persona.

You couldn't even keep eye contact with someone else in the group when you go out, because you were fucking scared for him to see your loving eyes that you could swear they would leave those hearts from your eyes like cartoon's.

Nobara knew about your crush for Fushiguro, since she's like your older sister. And to say she didn't accidentally slipped your little crush for him on the cafeteria with Fushiguro and Yuuji present.... would be the dead of you.

At first, Yuuji wouldn't believe it, but then he would remember all those days at his house, going out, your little glances towards Megumi, and 'casual' questions about him... brought him back to reality.

Second, he went through 3 stages. Anger, emotion, and... confussion.

He was furious for the fact you had a crush on his best-friend, which later turned into a fantasize like the kissing booth, one of the movies Gojo-senseid made him watch. But... that brought him into what would he do? Is Megumi good for you? Would he protect you like he does? Will you be happy?

He had mixed opinions about this. Most of them were good, but two or three were bad. Maybe his anxiety?

And Megumi? well, he was confused.

He knows he has plenty of girls falling for him, but he never expected you to be one of them. He thought you were pretty, really, really pretty... but he could never do that to his best friend, could he?

He had kinda of a crush for you too, but never thought of going this far.

Days passed and the topic stayed untouched, not until Yuuji asked Megumi to talk alone.

And it was the most uncomfortable moment Megumi could go through.

¨I just wanted to tell you both of you have my blessing if you ever become something, a really nice couple, both of you are really smart and have a difficult character, not that matters. But I also wish you the best if you ever get married, OHHH how cute, could I be flower guy? Okay, that's a topic for the future, and oh! also- I ALSO give you my blessing to the both of you, mostly to the kid-¨

¨Yuuji, what?-¨

¨Both of you would have really pretty and powerful children, hoping they have more of my sister appearance rather than yours... but don't forget children are for later, LATEEER.¨

Megumi would never tell you about his feelings for you, unless you make the first move, but he's been interested in you since your transfer to Jujutsu Tech in Tokyo. You were just the cutest thing, always blushing and following behind him and Yuuji until you got into your house. You were never outspoken, but you would never let anyone walk all over you, the few times he's seen you fight seared into the back of his mind. The look of unshaken determination along with the way your body moved with your cursed technique had the front of his pants tighten a bit. He wants you, even to this day, but doesn't know exactly how to take that step forward.

You pause your eating for just a second to catch Megumi's eyes staring you down. Did you do something wrong? Did he no like the way you eat? There was little you could do that change that, honestly. As you feel your face brighten and your eyes widen, you feel your confidence swell. You're gonna change him off-guard.

This was it. You were going to say it despite all your classmates being in close proximity. You were never going to live this down.

"Y-You've been staring at me all night, Fushiguro-san... Rather than undressing me with your eyes, did you want to... take this somewhere private and take it off... for real? Don't... don't act like I don't know Nobara told you about my crush... Yuuji can't keep his mouth closed.¨

You're sure he doesn't even know your name and knows you as 'Yuuji's little sister'

But you were really nervous while thinking how to finally make him yours. So shyness can go for a little bit, and fuck it.

You can feel three sets of eyes burning into your stuttering and blushing head, your eyes glaring holes in the half-eaten rice bowl in front of you. You can't believe that came out of your mouth, although it definitely took you a while to get it out. You were way too embarrassed to even look him in the eye.

Megumi couldn't believe the sweet, innocent and shy image he had about you had actually said that, to him of all people. He could do nothing but stare at you in pure shock for a few seconds before returning to his neutral nonchalant state, watching you slowly simmer in your seat. Well, at least he didn't have to take the first step. He was definitely going to take you up on that tempting offer, but he couldn't say that in front of everyone. He knows they wouldn't leave this alone, pestering the two of you until you spill the details.

Feeling the awkward silence weighing down on your shoulders, you shoot out of your chair and turn to head to the restroom, where you will hang your head in shame for the rest of the night. "I, um... I-I'll be back." You make a beeline for the women's restroom, tucked away in a corner behind a few plants. You were definitely going to puke this time.

-

Back at the table, Megumi continues to eat his food, the only change since your departure being him eating a bit slower, trying to process the situation. You justly openly invited him to engage in sexual intercourse with you in front of your confused friend AND brother. Whether it be a joke or something more serious, he needed to hear it again clearly from your mouth for confirmation. The question is, how is he going to do that with you stuck in that restroom?

His entire train of thought crashes when he feels something cold drip on his shirt, his dark eyes darting down to see a wet noodle slowly sliding from its spot on his shirt to land on his dark jeans, another stain forming on the denim material.

"So, it DID have an effect on him." Nobara glares at Yuuji, who stares wide-eyed at his best friend before feeling his lips stretch into a grin. "[Y/N] finally shot her shot! Oh, my little sister grows up so fast!" The light-haired man hums happily before digging into the rest of his meal.

Megumi places the dirty noodle on a napkin before standing and turning to the restroom. "I'm going to check on her," he mumbles to his friends before walking briskly to the restrooms, missing the knowing looks between the patrons at the table. 

"Five bucks if they walk out together." "Deal....Wait, we're betting about my sister here..."

Megumi stands between the two doors, hesitant about entering the women's restroom. He didn't need unnecessary attention or worse, getting everyone kicked out and ruining their meal. However, the way you tried to keep eye contact with him as you stutter your way through your flirting had him listening more to his groin rather than his brain. With a quick prayer that he wouldn't get caught redhanded, he slips into the nearly empty women's restroom, seeing a pair of small feet at the very last stall.

You continue to sulk against the wall as you hear someone enter the restroom. You sigh softly, arms uncrossing to press your hands against your still blushing face. You could never face him again. You had one chance and you absolutely blew it. You were sure he was going to either ignore what you said or completely reject you on the spot. Your heart wouldn't be able to handle the response, so you decide to sneak out through the restroom window and text everyone a sincere apology.

You reach up to unlock the stall's door, pushing yourself to stand and slipping out to be face-to-face with Megumi Fushiguro, yelping as his hands press onto your shoulders and push you back into the stall. You can only look at him in shock as he locks you both in, the awkward silence from earlier crushing your lungs. Oh, no. He was going to reject you right now, wasn't he?

"Fushiguro-san, I'm really sorry about--"

"Did you mean what you said?"

Every word dies on your tongue as he closes the gap between you two and cups your face in his large hands, your body melding against his own. Holy shit, you were NOT expecting this development. A few dying wheezes leave your mouth before you realize your speaker box isn't going to work any time soon. You rapidly nod your head, feeling his grip tighten just a little.

"Good, because here's my answer."

You always wondered what Megumi's lips would taste like back when you saw him for the first. A hint of spearmint and cinnamon, honey and strawberries, hell you even thought he'd taste like cookies and cream ice cream. You can't focus on the flavor when the feeling is the only thing you're thinking about, his lips moving smoothly over your lips. Your eyes widen before you hastily respond, burying your hands in the front of his shirt.

This was blowing your mind right now. You couldn't believe he was here in the women's restroom with his lips moving sensually against your own and his hands reaching down to grip your hips, but frankly, you didn't care too much. You've dreamed of this moment for years and you were not going to let it slip easily. Throwing your arms over his shoulders, you lose yourself to him, trying to keep in all your little noises the longer you were connected.

The taller sorcerer pushes a knee between your legs, letting his hips slide between and his hands lift you up by your bottom, getting a good squeeze. You were as soft as he thought and dreamt of. You were going to be the death of him for sure. One hand slithers up your shirt to brush his fingers against your ribcage, feeling lace brush against his fingertips. He groans softly against your mouth, pushing his tongue inside to assert dominance and letting his second hand join the first when you lock your legs against his waist. No turning back now.

You gasp then groan as his hands grasp the tops of your bra and yank them downward, latching onto your fleshy mounds while his hips grind slowly against yours, feeling your underwear dampen from the stimulating touches and breath-stealing kisses. Speaking of breathing, you part lips from him only to release a filthy moan as he pinches and pulls at your hardening nipples from underneath your shirt. Looking up at him with glassy eyes and drool dribbling down the edges of your lips, you could feel his erection grow and press against you harder. You wanted him, right here and right now.

"F-Fushi--"

¨Megumi, it's Megumi for you.¨

¨M..megumi-¨

The sound of the door swinging open makes you two freeze, eyes wide as whoever enters the restroom walks to the sink and stays put for a while, assuming she was fixing her hair or makeup. You grind your hips down against the tense man, feeling his grip on your breasts tighten slightly before he slams his lips against yours again to silence you. The two of you stay fixed in that position for three minutes before the woman decides her appearance is worthy and leaves the room, gasping for air as you pull away from each other.

"We... we should leave, huh?" You chuckle nervously as he slowly sets you up, straightening his clothes before clearing his throat. You also adjust your clothes and run your hands through your hair, trying your best to steady the blood flow in your face. You were sure you were tinted even redder than before.

"We're going to my place. I hope you're ready." With those few words, he almost zooms out of the restroom, leaving you surprised yet turned on. He didn't reject you or ignore you. In fact, he reciprocated your feelings, about to show you a good time back at his place. You get your mind back together before finally leaving the restroom, walking back to your table to see Megumi handing Yuuji a few paper bills.

[0lliecl0wn]

PUNCH OUT HEADCANONS: Clueless Friends Edition

so i showed my friends the punch out cast and asked them to make up headcanons for them (they have never seen nor heard of punch out outside of me rambling to them about it)

so uh

here it is

GLASS JOE

-Wet the bed as a kid

-Probably still does it

-Denys it

-Goes honk shoo honk shoo when he sleeps

-Had a mullet in middle school

-Has to draw on his eyebrows

-Mouth Breather™

-Wears a cap and nightgown and holds a candle at night

-Can’t swim

VON KAISER

-Bartender

-Screams into his pillow at night

-Screams like a little girl

-Wore light-up Sketchers in middle school

-Got bullied for it

-Goes to the gym to cope

-Fucking YEETS the dumbells

-Flexes on people (also to cope)

-If he is told to sleep on the couch, he will sadly sulk there like a emo person (cue sad hamster music)

DISCO KID

-Babygirl

-Zesty

-Took ballet/gymnastics

-Optimist

-Accidentally broke a trampoline

-Was the popular kid in school

-THE sweetest guy

-Cat person

-Owns 4 cats

-Wears fluffy robes

KING HIPPO

-Plays League of Legends

-Tweaks out HARD at Angry Birds and Super Mario Wii (friend is totally not projecting)

-Really good at board games

-Gamer

-Patrick Star kinnie

-Does NOT cackle. He giggles

-Has Live Laugh Love framed over his toilet

-His snores have caused earthquakes

-Heavy sleeper

PISTON HONDO

-”He did WHAT in his Honda?!”

-Behaves like that one English teacher you had in middle school

-aka the ”Never in my 15 years of teaching have I seen a substitute report this bad” teacher

-ponders

-Dances to animation memes

-Worked at Burger King once

-Constantly pissed

-Goes honk mimimimi when he sleeps

-If he ate a cheeseburger he would explode

-Was the guy who made the post that just says “everytime a new chicken sandwich releases”

BEAR HUGGER

-Smells PUTRID

-Real name is Cleetus

-Lumberjack

-Has a lisp

-Gets food in his beard

-Eats it (EWWWW 🤢)

-His theme song is “Entry of the Gladiators” (aka clown music)

-Wouldn’t survive a day in the military

-Plays Microsoft Flight Simulator

-Goes “weeeeee!” as the plane flies

-Has a poster that says “Eat Slur Game Repeat”

-Redneck

-Has a shirt that says ”These Fists Are Rated E for Everyone”

GREAT TIGER

-HOT

-Has the most beautiful hair but hides it

-Binged My Little Pony

-Binged Twilight

-Plays with Barbie dolls

-Listens to Kpop

-AMAZING at Just Dance

-Also good at DDR

-Plays Pikmin

-Loves the Stone Pikmin

DON FLAMENCO

-Once got addicted to cough drops

-Uses really bad pick up lines

-Does really bad trickshots to impress girls

-Slips like a cartoon character. His shoes go flying every time

-Watched MLP with Great Tiger

-Watches Mean Girls

-Kins Regina George

-Cried when she got hit by a bus

-Zesty

-Scoliosis

-Can pick my friend up with one hand

-Would lean on a wall, say “hey cutie, you free tonight?” and immediately have a coughing fit

-Took an Am I Gay? Quiz. It said yes and refuses to believe it (internalized biphobia)

-Likes big butts and he cannot lie

ARAN RYAN

-Menace

-Actually very lightweight, refuses to admit it

-Bullies kids on ROBLOX

-Keeps getting censored in chat

-Plays Dress to Impress

-Would hit you if so desired

-Uses Joker quotes

-Bakes pink cupcake in spare time

-Would make a balloon animal for a kid and then pop it like Gru

-The guy he tickled in his character intro was Don Flamenco

-Killed someone, steals, graffitis, takes candy from babies

-Should be in jail

-ADHD

-”Ya prob’ly got cheeseburgers in those gloves, have ya Mac?!” “well you have horseshoes”

SODA POPINSKI

-Dropped on the head as a kid

-Nicknamed ”Pinhead Larry”

-Oiled up

-Naturally loud

-Skipped leg day

-Mr. Krabs walking sound when he tiptoes

-Speedruns Hello Neighbor

-Hands are too big for the keyboard

-Makes dad jokes and laughs at himself because no one else laughs

-Gets bullied by Aran Ryan for his dad jokes

BALD BULL

-Someone threw a bowling ball at his head

-Peak Male Performance

-40% chip (context for this is in comments)

-Watched game shows, was in one once

-Blurts out the answers at the TV, gets pissed every time they get it wrong and screams

-Screams like the ash baby

-Shakes randomly

-Ate lead paint

-Ate a glow stick

-”ladies, ladies, calm down, theres enough of me to go around” (stolen from don flamenco, difference is this actually works)

-ash baby coded???

-Teeters on the line of being ugly and hot

-Gets beauty sleep

-20 step skincare routine

SUPER MACHO MAN

-”he looks like a founding father”

-Shrimp posture

-UGLY??

-Listens to phonk unironically

-Has jiggle physics

-Uses his chest to type on keyboards

-says “eureka!” when he as an idea

-FAKE chain

-wears speedos (canon)

-its his only outfit

-played five nights at freddys and shit himself

-Pimp

-GILF

-Looks 72, is 27

MR. SANDMAN

-Drag Queen

-Chappell Roan listener

-Once tried to wax his nose but got q tips stuck in it

-REALLY into horoscopes and gemstones

-NAPALMED a homeless shelter

-Dances like the dame tu cosita guy

-fucken BUSTS IT DOWN to every song

-Throws gang signs in his boxing gloves??

-Does the Omni-Man squat sometimes

-Ate a lightbulb and that's why his skin glows

-Skips to the song “Mr. Sandman” because he’s babygirl like that

LITTLE MAC

-Floats in the air when he smells pie

-Anime protagonist

-Loves Ben 10

-Had a greasy mohawk

-Ate a bug

-Sticks his head out of the car window

-Gulps and goes “EEEYIKES!!!” when he has to fight a strong opponent

-Listens to Mitski

-Loves the movie Ratatouille

-His favorite character is Remy’s brother

-Makes kandi bracelets

-Asserts dominance by T-posing

DOC LOUIS

-Wears yoga pants

-Has asthma

-Runs up the stairs on all fours

-Maximum silly

-Watches romcoms and cries

-Draws watches on his wrist and looks at it when someone asks him for the time

-Watched Skibidi Toilet AND knows all of the lore

-Doesn’t know what a tampon is

-Listens to the song that goes “once I was seven years old”

-Mama’s boy

-HORRIBLE driver

[l0relaii]

I'm gonna be annoying i need some nsfw content with Chris and a baker!reader... listenn..

Chris always waking up to her baking in the kitchen... just every morning has to fuck you in the kitchen to start his day- before his coffee- before anything.

Shes always up at like 9-10 am baking and he always catches her (hc that Chris works from home as a tech guy during college!?) before getting ready to work/head to a lecture

need some rough morning sex where they're both needy as fuck but half awake LOORDDD

i know nothing about baking but i love people that do i swear you're all fucking magicians bae 🌝

oh chris chris chris

he has a sweet tooth. and your baking DOES NOT help him at all

he's always stuffing his face with anything you bake for him.

even if he doesn't like a particular type of baked good you made, he still eats it

swears on his life that it's good because you made it

"i thought you didn't like apple pie?"

"pff i don't like regular apple pie"

"this is regular apple pie tho"

"no it's not"

"yes it is? i didn't do anything special to it"

"you don't have to, it's special just because you made it"

he says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world he's the sweetest man

he prefers waking up holding you close to his chest but he doesn't mind waking up alone while the sweet scent of whatever is baking in the oven fills his nose

you know how characters in cartoons float towards the smell of pie? yeah that's chris

he doesn't even put his glasses on before he walks lazily into the kitchen still sleepy and yawning

then he sees you. cheeks flushed from the hot oven, flour on your face, wearing only an apron

he doesn't really notice at first, his vision a bit blurry from not wearing his glasses

"what's cooking good looking?"

"good morning to you too chris"

"it smells amazing in here sweetness"

"oh gee thanks, i just got some cookies in the oven"

"chocolate chip?"

"your favourite"

"thank you so much babe you're the best"

he starts making some coffee while you bend down to check if the cookies are done. he takes some sips of his coffee

then he sees it

your ass on full display.

he almost spits out his coffee, maybe he's still dreaming? he rubs at his eyes thinking he's maybe hallucinating or something.

no nope seems pretty real 🤷‍♀️

you know he saw you, that's why you stand bent so long pretending that you're looking at the cookies in the oven

even wiggling your hips giving him some glances of your wet pussy

he forgets everything about the coffee and just comes straight to you

"i think they should be done in- ahh chris what are you doing??"

he lifted you on the counter rolling the apron up your body leaving your tummy and breasts exposed

"i don't think i can wait for the cookies babe..i want something sweet now.."

his head dips down between your legs licking up and down your folds like a starved man

his hands are kneading at your tits while he's sucking your puffy clit making your head lean back and your eyes roll

and he doesn't stop until you both smell something burning

"oh shit- the cookies- CHRIS STOP, THE COOKIES ARGHHH"

"hmm..? what?"

"jesus fucking christ look at them, they're completely burnt"

"i'm sorry fuck- i'm so sorry sweetness i promise i'll help you make som-"

"i might forgive you if you finish what you started earlier.."

"yes ma'am"

you spend the rest of your morning bent over the counter with him pounding roughly into you from behind, even knocking the burnt cookie tray on the ground

[thedeadestmeme]

we can’t have shit in Hawkins.

today’s complaint: Alexei and Murray Bauman, the ship that got shot down before it even hit the water

listen. if you didn’t watch that scene of Murray opening his door with a gun in hand, pointing it at Alexei, and switching to Russian at the drop of a hat to insult the man— if you didn’t see that scene and think about how that’s the perfect set up for a meet ugly, then i’m here to provide some thoughts.

i’m not saying that they have to be together. if you liked them as a bromance, that’s totally cool. please feel free to be equally as pissed that your bromance was robbed from you in only 3 episodes.

but if you do… c’mon, there’s no way Alexei didn’t find that *a little* hot.

yes, Murray is a total mess of a man. he’s mostly characterized as the overly-paranoid, overly-blunt conspiracy theorist. however!! he has some valid reasons in this universe for being like that. bc well. some of the conspiracies were true.

he isn’t the most likeable, but i think he could have benefited a lot from having a friend in his life. especially when that friend actually shares his humor, which seemed like a hell of a shock for Murray!! (see: the car scene where Murray says, “I told them they should have sex” and Alexei, without hesitation, responds, “they have not had sex?” And the two start losing it).

and the fair!! the FAIR!!

me, @ the writers: you wrote an entire scene of two characters that go to a fair. it’s a spontaneous decision. one of them wants to take the other somewhere fun bc they’d never been. and they want to be the one of watch them experience it. and they decided that bc they wanted to show this person that life could be so fun, especially if that person was able to stick around

the writers: yup!!

me: …you wrote one of the most basic dating setups. this is a dating trope. this was a date—

the writers: what was that? couldn’t hear you over the sound of another character that you’d just started to get attached to dying:)

i don’t have to repeat that this is bullshit.

the most bullshit thing tho?? MURRAY HAVING TO WITNESS IT. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE.

Murray thought he had a friend. this man that’d rather spend all his time alone, never trusting anyone— he finally had a FRIEND.

HE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO WITNESS ALEXEI PLAYING GAMES!! HE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A CHANCE TO ASK HOW HE WON THAT HUGE WOODY WOODPECKER PLUSH!!!

WE WERE ROBBED OF AN ENTIRE MONTAGE OF THEM PLAYING GAMES TOGETHER. I AM. SCREAMING.

side-note: get you a man that’s so good at carnival games that he manages to win the biggest prize in one-go.

anyway. if Alexei would’ve survived, i think it would’ve been great. i mean, can you imagine how funny it could’ve been to see Alexei and Murray living in Murray’s safehouse?

they would’ve had the energy of bickering gay uncles.

like. imagine that in this universe, Alexei would’ve survived the bullet wound. so, understandably, he’s not looking forward to getting involved with anything else. hell, Murray doesn’t want ANY part in anything anymore bc he nearly watches Alexei die. so, sue him if he doesn’t want either of their lives at risk. and the entire time that the other characters are trying to convince them that they should help, you’ve got these two men — probably standing in their grungy tank tops and boxers bc they had visitors barge into their place while they were having a lazy day of watching cartoons —, and they’ve got their arms crossed as they’re just trading the most annoyed looks.

they keep bickering in a mixture of Russian/English as they try to decide if it’s worth it to bother with these people.

bonus idea: every time that someone tries to ask how Alexei deals with Murray as a roommate, Alexei tries not to look done as fuck. he realizes that Murray was totally right — these people are oblivious as fuck to relationships of any kind.

and just to make it worse: he’s *literally* wearing Murray’s boxers. Murray’s wearing his shirt. the guest bedroom is obviously untouched. he’s stolen Murray’s cup from the man’s hand on multiple occasions in the past hour — not bc he doesn’t have his own to drink, but bc it’s funny.

Alexei, after staring blankly at Joyce/Hopper/whoever for a whole minute, tells them in Russian — “we have fucked three times and that was only this week.”

somewhere, Murray fucking chokes. he stays laughing for like an hour as Alexei continues to explain nothing.

[aextriot]

Dear grampa,

Boy oh boy grampa. Dogman 13 was just wonderful. It was exquisite! Marvelous! I could wake up every day to read Dogman: big Jim begins, just to see your wonderful face.

I remember being scared and terrified, thinking that Dav would put you off to the side again. I really did think it would happen. Every time I think about the books that grampas not in I almost throw up.

When I first saw you all those months ago grampa..I saw you in the cast list. My heart jumped out of my chest. Like those cartoons. I remember being at school, theater, and then I heard the news. Grampa if you were in theater you would be the main character and I would be your love interest.

Upon opening the page grampa. Oh how I love page 9. Page nine which showed my glorious king returning. TOO long had dav kept me apart from grampa.

Grampa Grampa sweet Grampa, handsome Grampa, kind Grampa, or mean Grampa, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't care if tommorrow you set the world on fire. I would simply let it burn around us.

548. 548 548 548 548 panels.

548 panels grampa was in in dogman big Jim begins. Just seeing him makes me so happy. AHĤHHHĤHHH best 548 panels of my entire life. I want to go back and just look at those panels over and over. His humor was great, his character, his outfit I haven't made up my mind on but the thing is.

Grampa could wear a trash bag and make it the most fashionable, attractive looking trash bag ever. So I don't care, all I care is that it was grampa. 🧡

I couldn't even look at the others in that book garmpa. Grampas shine shone so bright it blinded me from seeing other faces.

All I say us that this was one wonderful book, I say, tears falling from y face as I hold the book in both hands. I am atop a mountain, watching the sun set. Except it's not the sun, it's grampas face. But the beautiful sun setting sky is still there glistening. And then it's just me and grampa. Grampa and I. And I would cross mountains for him, prolly even more.

I shall be counting down ever second until dogman big Jim believes.

Farewell Grampa

Love, Aextriot

[chronically-ghosted]

delicious

rating: T (for cursing and drug use)

pairing: dieter bravo x f!reader

word count: 2160

summary: in order to make a fundraising event bearable, you and Dieter take edibles. When the event runs long, your only chance to make it out alive is to find something to eat. 

warnings: drug use (it’s just edibles c’mon you narc), eating, the munchies, messy kissing, dieter bravo being a giant goofball and i hate him, this fic is so self-indulgent i'm embarrassed FOR you, FLUFF

a/n: this one kicked my butt, idk why. But @ravensmadreads says its good so here you go. For my 100 followers event (this is the last one! wow!): @sp00kymulderr asked: Taylor!! Congrats on 100, you’re my favourite blog honestly I check your posts every day just to read your tags lmao. For the celebration can I request some of our sweet boy Dieter with the prompt “We should probably leave, before we start a scandal.” it’s absolutely perfect

🤍Masterlist

After thirty minutes, your eyes are starting to cross. Your high-ribbed dress pinches the soft skin under your tits and the boob tape is starting to chafe your nipples. The ruby red heels have officially given you blisters but the worst – the absolute worst of it – you’re fucking starving.

And the Layaway Barbie at the podium marches on, her big eyes wet and her mouth begging, as she proves to a roomful of donors why they should spend another million in . . . tree-frog rehabilitation. Dieter had been drawn to the little green guys with red eyes on the front of the invitation and as the guest of honor for his “philanthropic” work when he was “dating” a Doctor Without (personal) Borders six years ago, how could he not go?

Let’s take an edible before we go, he said. 

Whatever the vibe, it’ll be better if we’re on edibles, honey. 

That is the last time you let him convince you of anything while he’s not wearing pants and his hand is down yours. 

Your stomach grumbles and you fight back a whine. You make a noise like that and someone will definitely know you’re on drugs. The portly man next you has been staring at you with poorly hidden disgust all night as it is. But for now, his eyes focus in on Layaway Barbie, his loose jowls around his permanently down-turned mouth reminding you of a cartoon character. But which one?

Your eyes narrow at him. He glances at you out of the corner of his eye and it comes to you.

“Droopy!” you yelp and immediately clap your hand over your mouth. Your table mates eye you as if you are some society dredge they did not wish to involve themselves with. 

You turn as best you can in your seat, ready to either be scolded by Dieter or have him laugh with you, but he does neither.

In fact, cross-armed, low in his seat, he lets out a low snore. 

It’ll be fun, he said. 

“Dieter!” You hiss. Nothing. His face is relaxed, lips parting as he falls deeper asleep. Irate you didn’t think of it first, you smack him across the knee. “Dieter!”

He jerks, eyelids cracking open briefly, and suddenly he drops his chin again.

“Thank you for your blessing and influence, oh Lord. Am— oh, hey, baby, what’s up?” 

“Don’t ‘hey, baby, what’s up’ me. You were asleep and you just faked praying.” 

“Better than faking other things,” he yawns loudly, blinks a bit, and realizes the “inspiring” speech (and presentation) is still going on. “Oh, fuck, we’re gonna die here.” 

“Can you please keep it down?” The woman to Dieter’s right snaps. “You are making a mockery of a serious and pressing issue facing our society.”

Dieter blinks at her, his arms still across his chest. You can hear the bitch climb up his throat before he even opens his mouth.

“Well, you’re making a mockery of that dress and you don’t see me complaining–,”

You snag him by the hand and pull him away from the table before the woman has the good sense to throw her drink into his face. 

He stumbles behind you as you push on the metal bar, the latch clicking, and you both tumble out into the empty hotel hallway. When the event started, everyone had been herded in from the other doors, where the lobby was. This looks like the kind of hallway drunk co-eds wander down while trying to find the bathroom after prom. 

Which – ironically –

His big paw clutches your waist as he falls, or rather, stumbles into a tacky maroon and gold wall. In the fumbling under his legs as they overtake you, and keeping the rim of your heels from biting into your already puckered flesh, he manages to pin you beneath him. The instant the smell of his cologne washes over you, the instinct to claw his stupid eyes out evaporates. You sigh, both of his hands cupping your neck. 

“Mhmm, there she is,” he murmurs, sing-song, kissing your nose. “Little hellcat turns baby kitten when she gets what she needs.” 

“You are the biggest idiot I know,” you purr into his ear as his hands slide through the layers of your skirt to your ass. 

“Yes, but I’m your idiot.” The cry you let out when he pinches your ass cheek beneath your dress is all the answer he needs. 

Hands full of your thighs, he rubs you up the wall but there’s too many layers, too much gossamer to get him where you need him. His breath comes in short pants as he presses sloppy, wet kisses to your shoulder, your clavicle, your cheek. 

There it comes again. Hunger. Driven on by –

You bite him.

“Ow!” 

He pulls back and your mouth drops open in horror – you didn’t mean to bite him that hard and –

Your stomach lets out the most petulant growl. 

Hand on his neck like it’s bleeding, Dieter follows your gaze to your stomach as if it had called his name.

And then you both break out into side-splitting laughter. 

He eases you down, giggling, his nose pressed to your temple. Were you at home, the sex would have probably continued, but the atmosphere would be different – playful, teasing – he once did a Kermit the Frog impression while balls-deep inside of you and you laughed so hard you instantly came all over him. 

“Baby,” he sighs through his teeth and kisses your hairline. “I know. I’m so fucking hungry.” He snaps his teeth by your ear and you push him back by his chest. Two goddam years of dating this moron and he still makes you blush like you’re fifteen and necking with a band geek. 

His fingers wrap around your wrist to hold your hand above his heart, kissing your knuckles. He sucks your thumb once before you yelp, and he pushes your fist into his hair as you try to squirm away. He smirks into your neck.

“Dieter!”

“I’m hungry!”

“You’re the one who suggested we take edibles before coming to this thing.” 

“Mhmm, let’s go home and do more drugs.”

“But you owe me dinner. Five Guys?”

“Baby, I have to eat something first to have enough stamina for that.”

“Oh my god, you –,”

He bites you on your earlobe again, grinning as he comes behind you to nudge you down the hall. “I know what you meant. I’m down for burgers, but I want, like, five.”

“Me too. Carry me? My feet hurt.”

“Of course, mah kwehn,” he nods as he scoops you up across his broad shoulders, momentarily taking on the affectation of Jon Snow and his loyalty to the dragon queen. 

You’re working to kick your heels off as he marches the two of you down the hallway and you’ve nearly gotten your second heel off (the first in your lap) when he suddenly stops. 

“Oi, Thomas, we’re not at the train station yet,” you grumble as you reach for your heel, awkwardly tucked under you and his arm. “Keep it going. Choo choo, you know?” 

He still isn’t moving. You frown up at him, another transportation joke at the ready, but his wide-eyed stare gives you pause. 

“What are you looking at?” You turn in his arms, hunger now officially twisting your stomach painfully. “Why’d you–,”

Your mouth falls open. 

Beyond two double doors at the end of the hall sits a silver cart, loaded with tiny chocolate desserts. 

You swallow the spit flooding your mouth. This time, his stomach grumbles as if to add to the argument. 

“Dieter, put me down.” He all but drops you. 

“Dieter, we can’t.” 

“Why?” 

“We shouldn’t.” 

“Why?”

“You’re only saying that because we’re both high as fuck right now and I’d eat bathroom soap if I could.” 

That seems to rattle him out of his starvation-induced stupor. He snorts and rolls his eyes. “Please, when have I ever not eaten something I wasn’t supposed to?” 

You blink up at him, now several inches shorter without your heels. “What? None of that made sense.” 

“Doesn’t matter. I’m going for it.” 

He strides past a very wide hallway branching back towards the lobby of the hotel, no doubt where several waiters intended to roll dessert out to the waiting reception. They’d be back at any second, but either due to being higher than a kite, his own innate lack of shame, or a combination of the two, Dieter is across the hallway in seconds and he snatches up two of the little chocolate spheres and shoves them both into his mouth at the same time.

“Holy shit, they’re cream puffs.” 

Your hunger nearly doubles you over. “C-cream puffs? Those are m-my–,”

“Your favorite. I know. Mhmm, fucking get over here.”

Trembling from a lack of food and nerves, you slink over to him, hand out-stretched. He’s already had four more by this point and he’s stacking more onto a single plate as your fingers squish around one right in front of you. You pinch and the gooey white cream eases out the side. You whimper. 

Dieter pauses, the tips of his fingers stained with dark chocolate and a dollop of cream on his cheek. 

“That’s the sound you make when I eat you out.” 

Rather than answer your boyfriend, you pop the cream puff into your mouth. Your eyes roll back in your head as the pastry melts on your tongue.

“Oh fuuuck.” 

Dieter watches with growing concern as you scarf down pastry after pastry. “Okay, now I’m a little offended you’re so turned on by this.” 

“Shut up, and let me eat.” 

In minutes, the silver cart is empty. Chocolate smeared across a dozen haphazardly-arranged plates, dots of cream littering the spaces between plates and on the edge of the cart, it looks like a fucking war zone of confectionery. 

You find yourself breathing heavy, your face and arms covered in the guts of those poor, poor baked goods. Dieter isn’t faring much better, his jacket stained and beard sticky. Your hunger is sated, for now, but you think of burgers and fries and a vanilla milkshake and immediately turn to Dieter, who stares back at you with wide eyes.

“I want six burgers–,”

“We should probably leave before we start a scandal–,”

You stare at each other, soldiers shell-shocked, rehabilitated werewolves in horror of their bloodshed. Bloodlust.

The second you get home you’re gonna give him the kind of blow job that stops his heart.

Half-way laughing, half-way crying, you take him by the collar, further smearing chocolate over the starched white linen and his neck, and kiss him soundly on his conspicuous mouth. He giggles through the kiss and cups your cheeks, his massive hands sticky and warm. 

“We should go . . .” he murmurs again before pressing his lips to you again. Cream puffs or no, it all tastes better when you lick it off the corner of his mouth. 

“We’re gonna have to walk past the lobby,” you bemoan into his patchy beard. Dieter smirks and without warning, squeezes your right tit, leaving a very clear chocolatey handprint on your dress. 

“Dieter!”

“C’mon, baby, I wanna devour you. And I want all of them to know it.”

That was the thing about Dieter Bravo, he never did anything small. He never allowed you to feel small. He was obsessive about taking pictures of you, posting them everywhere, never ashamed of you and desperate to have the world see you the way he did. 

Like you were delicious. 

“I’ll buy you six burgers if you let us walk out like this.”

“Deal.” 

Grinning like only a man with nothing to hide can, he takes you by the hand and leads you back towards the very fancy dinner you’ve both no doubt been kicked out of. 

Something rises up in you the longer you stare at his broad back. 

“Dieter, wait.”

He pauses, turns, and crumbles slightly beneath the weight and intensity of your kiss.

“I love you,” you say before he can slip his tongue into your mouth. 

Dieter Bravo does nothing small, is nothing small. Except when it’s just you and him and the words you just uttered hang in the air between you. A small, hesitant smile expands across his lips, as if he can’t quite believe what he’s hearing but it warms him nonetheless.

“I love you too.” 

He kisses your nose and you sigh into him. You could stay like this forever, wrapped up in him. But then you might just eat him alive.

“Burgers, Dieter.”

“Right, right. How many do you think we can buy at one time?” 

You both ignore the paparazzi and their cameras as you walk hand in hand, your heels in your other hand, with Dieter out the front door and into the limo, arguing about which fast food joint would let you get at least twenty burgers. 

Nothing about Dieter Bravo is small. Especially his appetite. 

[avastrasposts]

I've been thinking a lot over the last few days about what you said about seeing redheads/ plus sized redheads in media. I think it's an interesting conversation to have. I am also a redhead and I'm midsize, but I live in Scotland. And while I fit a stereotype here, and there are a lot more redheads around than there would be elsewhere, I've still experienced quite a shocking amount of bullying and grief because of it (something I was told over and over again was that people were just 'jealous', but that really only goes so far to explain shitty behaviour - I actually had someone deliberately cut a chunk out of my hair in an art class once). I've also been thrown some sectarian abuse out and about on occasion just because people made an assumption about my religion based on how I looked, which is a whole other conversation, but it is connected. I'm a 90s baby, so by the time I was old enough to really know what was going on, there were a lot more redheads in my sphere of media (Ariel was a BIGGIE for me, as was April O'Neil from TMNT), but I picked up from a younger age than I should have that redheads were overtly sexual- I've dealt with bullying and harassment because of my hair, skin tone and freckles, sure, but I've experienced fetishisation and over-sexualisation WAY more as a curvy redhead than I ever anticipated, and it's happened at home and in different countries across the world. The way people would just casually drop sexual or overly-familiar comments in to every day conversation is completely nuts, and as a young woman I didn't want to make a scene or call people out publicly, so I just laughed along with everyone else when it happened. Now I'm in my 30s I've run out of shits to give, and have absolutely no problem making conversations awkward if people do it, but my heart goes out to younger women, or those who maybe don't feel like they can openly pull people up about their behaviour. It seems redheads are either the butt of the joke or overtly sexual, and it's so hard to exist in neutrality somewhere in the middle and just *be*. I just wanted to send you this to say that I hear you, and while it's nowhere near the same sphere as racism and could never be, it is a lived experience and it's worth talking about.

Reading your message really brought tears to my eyes because we share the experience, and it's very unique to us. I'm so glad you messaged me this ask and shared your side of it too!

It makes me wonder how many other redheads grow up with the same experience but not realising that there are others. After my first post, I got a couple of DMs from people who wished to be anonymous, so I won't name them here, who said the same thing you did. It's been amazing getting these messages about what it's like being a redhead, and how we are portrayed in the media because it's not a discussion I've seen before.

You're so right about the way redheads are either the butt of a joke, or sexualised, and although it's gotten better, it still stings when yet another "ugly" character is portrayed as a redhead with freckles (and often glasses, but at least I can wear contacts). Not sure the overly sexual act is any better, how many "do the drapes match the carpets?" joke do we need to hear? What does it teach little redheaded girls when all they've had to chose between was either ugly nerd/freak, or sexual objects? Thank god that's changed a lot, but the trope still appears far too often.

And like I said in my first post, and I'm glad you mentioned it too, Ariel was a BIG deal, the beautiful mermaid who was also a redhead, a Disney princess as a redhead! And her hair wasn't her personality, it was just her hair. When they cast Halle Bailey as Ariel in the live action, some people were upset and said she should be white, but I know how big of a deal her not being white was to a lot young girls, since it was a big deal for me that she was a redhead in the cartoon (and she's still a redhead in Halle's version so I take that as a win :D).

[do-u-know-this-autisticcharacter]

Do You Know This (non-canon) Autistic Character?

Propaganda:

This Tumblr post:

Obviously his interest in the supernatural can be considered a special interest, and he also tends to be very organized and gets upset when things dont go how he planned (best example of this is in double dipper). he also has trouble a lot in social situations and a lot of his behavior is stimming (like chewing on/clicking pens, chewing on his shirt, pacing, etc). also gf is a cartoon so its not too weird that he wears the same outfit every day but i am choosing to believe its because thats his routine.

[horologiiiumart]

What's the lore of your weretoon au? Is there something that made the characters weretoons? How is Pizzaface/Pizzahead like?

i am so glad you asked

this is gonna need a read more because there’s a lot of lore (more than 3 ‘seasons’ worth!) in this au, so without further ado…

this au isn’t so much mine as it is a group effort of a lot of brilliant and creative people. i can’t take all of the credit!

@thegameartist03 @arcadequeerz @theragegur have all greatly contributed to this au. without them, this au wouldn’t be nearly a big and fleshed out as it is!

so this au begins with peppino being bitten by chattering teeth toy and becoming a weretoon. he doesn’t have a good time, certainly not when a yellow-suited weirdo begins pestering him and trying to be his rival, or when he starts being followed by two guys who make it their life to sit outside his pizzeria and watch him. he just wants to make pizza and pay his landlord, mr. stick, rent!

(it also doesn’t help that his rival pizzeria owner seems almost obsessed with him; the pizza mask he wears is just…odd)

so we follow peppino’s struggles as he gets used to being a weretoon that changes every friday night (just in time for saturday morning cartoons) and full moon. gustavo, his coworker, finds out about his predicament one night, and begins to help him with his new reality. together they deal with the noise, another weretoon, and get help with toon matters with noisette, a natural-born weretoon.

fakey, or fredo later on, comes into the picture one night on the cusp of peppino changing. peppino accidentally cuts himself, causing himself to bleed a little. then he turns, and cartoons aren’t supposed to bleed, so the blood…leaves. goes away. and peppino shrugs it off.

the blood has other plans, and forms into a loose copy of peppino. fakey is born, and is a full toon - he’ll always be a toon, no matter the time. he wants to, to peppino’s initial horror and dismay, be around peppino - peppino is his dad! be with dad! - but eventually peppino relents and lets fakey stick around, mostly keeping him in the apartment.

fakey gets bored of being kept in the apartment, so he creates a blanket fort to entertain himself. then the blanket fort changes - from perhaps toon physics or magic or whatever - becoming a huge labyrinth of blankets and pillows on the inside. on the outside, however, it still looks like a normal blanket fort, and peppino and gus are a little confused when fakey drags them over to look at it. what’s so special about it?

then fakey takes them inside, and pep and gus are tooned! it’s a temporary tooning, disappearing when they leave the fort, but it’s a surprise nonetheless - anything that goes into the fort gets tooned. time also moves slower in it, making a few hours in the fort equal a whole day outside of it, so if peppino misses the day rent is due, well, blame it on the fort.

mr. stick is tired of peppino being late with rent, so he keeps accosting the man for it. fakey sees this, and he doesn’t like it; who is this mean man talking to peppino like that? so, fakey takes action, and kidnaps mr. stick, throwing him into the blanket fort. peppino, oblivious to this, goes on with his day, happy that he doesn’t have to pay rent. he only starts to get concerned when he hasn’t seen mr. stick in a couple days, then a few weeks, then a few months. an investigation is launched, mr. stick’s family is deeply worried, and fakey doesn’t know that kidnapping is a crime.

mr. stick is having the worst time of his life in the fort, being chased around by fakey for being such a mean guy. he doesn’t know why he looks so weird, why he’s in this maze of blankets, or why he’s being chased by a copy of his tenant, but he is and he hates it. eventually, though, fakey starts wanting to play instead of chase, and the two form a tentative friendship.

(there’s a whole bunch of blanket fort lore and mr. stick’s family lore that i won’t get into here, but let me know if you wanna learn about it!)

anyways, returning to peppino. he’s slowly getting better at being a toon, but it appears that he’s starting to keep more and more toon attributes as a human. turns out the weretoon strain he was infected with was an artificial and experimental strain, and it’s slowly permatooning him. as he freaks out about that, he gets invited to cater for a very large event held by his rival, that pizza-mask guy. with how much money is being offered, peppino would be a fool to refuse. if only it wasn’t during a friday AND a full moon…

SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT

there will be specific moments relating to the greater story. if you wanna keep reading, go ahead, but if you just want a general overview keep to the above section.

anyways,

peppino takes the risk, but it turns it was a trap laid by pizzahead. pizzahead, wanting to toon with his ‘one true rival’, had laced the food with a refined version of the weretoon strain he created - that’s right, pizzahead was the one who had infected peppino with the chattering teeth. peppino is horrified, and can only watch in terror as the party-goers around him start turning (including the two men that always follow him, their red and yellow toon forms stark against the white table cloth of the food tables). pizzahead, however, doesn’t toon, much to his frustration, and sends the tooned party-goers after peppino. chaos ensues as pizzahead vows to get his chance to toon.

there are a lot more weretoons now, but peppino’s too distracted with his slowly encroaching permatoon status. that worry gets interrupted by pizzahead again, who is desperate to toon.

so desperate in fact, he uses an invention to take the toon out of every weretoon and toon in the city, and gives it to himself. peppino is back to normal, something he’s always wanted, but this…this isn’t good, and he can’t let this happen.

he and his friends confront pizzahead, who threatens to destroy him and the city, but he manages to save the day by trapping pizzahead with a song - something a toon can’t help but join in with. the gun is destroyed, releasing the trapped toon energy, but gustavo is badly hurt from the earlier fight with pizzahead. peppino, once again a toon, rushes to his aid, and kisses him.

toon logic ensues, and gustavo is fine! and he’s also a weretoon now, because weretoonism can spread through saliva along with biting. everything is back to normal in the city - weretoons and toons have their toon back, and pizzahead has been defeated (and sent into the blanket fort for punishment).

cue season 2, and peppino finds out he’s a permatoon! oh dear he is no longer able to become human again, and he’s not a big fan of that. gustavo is also slowly permatooning due to the fact that peppino was the one who infected him.

the s2 villain is a director using toons in his productions. he creates a contract that traps all the weretoons and toons in the city, forcing them to work for him. peppino is redesigned against his will into a villain, while noise is forced into a more cutesy hero role. fakey gets trapped too, joining his father as a villain, and it’s not fun for anyone.

pizzahead, who has been slowly redeeming himself, helps peppino, noise, and fakey take down the director through the power of law - they found a loophole in the contract! they destroy it and bite the director, turning him into a pathetic mouse permatoon with a film camera for a head. pizzahead manages to toon, and he’s overjoyed!

s3 is the least developed, and deals with general toon antics and plots. peppino and gustavo are comfortable with being toons, and get married. s3 mostly deals with the city being a very toony place, along with the effects of toons being more out in the open. the main villain is trying to make laws to put toons out of work and eliminate them. there’s a movie at the end of the season, but it’s not as developed either.

s4 is more tentative, a “what-did-we-miss” season that includes beach episodes and other cartoon plots of the like, fakey changing his name to fredo, and the fort coming to life.

so, that’s a good amount of the lore this au has. there is. a lot more but it’s more specific. if you want any more info, just ask! i’ll be more than happy to answer

[redhoodinternaldialectical]

I am convinced that Jason would LOVE doing drag. It's a theatrical art form that welcomes melodrama and costume design, like this shit is right up his alley! I also feel like he'd be someone who would enjoy playing around with his gender performance, like as @vigilantecore and @cleromancy have pointed out in this post he already does seem to play around with it!

As such I think it's fucking criminal that we have so few designs for him dressing fem that aren't just one-off, no connection to his character maid dresses or bunny suits. Like, c'mon, do not let Tim have all the dresses here just cause he's small and twinkish! Let the big muscle man have fun!! So here's a few of mine to help remedy this tragic deficit:

Cerulean Orbs

Minimal makeup, dark colors, and small jewelry everywhere but her EYES

Very elegant and formal and charming and oh-so tragic figure who is also very off-putting and clearly does not have all her screws tightened ("Somebody go get that girl brown contacts immediately, I am begging!")

Is a vampire, hence the aforementioned characteristics and the big fan she keeps to hide her fangs behind

Uses slight of hand tricks to do things like cry red glass rhinestones (claims they're ruby/bloody tears)

Will sometimes pick someone out of the audience to claim is her reincarnated lost love who she must avenge/protect/lure back into her arms

Smoking Gunn:

Voted "Most Menacing Cowgirl" three shows in a row - always happy to play the heel for another Queen

Carries a (fake plastic) sawed off shotgun, usually on a belt so that it hangs between her legs

She's on a quest for revenge against the man who "cut her gun tragically short"

Hair is wild and frazzled and covered in ash as though she has just blown herself up with cartoon dynamite.

Wears a bright red ribbon around her neck with the bow situated directly over the batarang scar

Of course no matter what design you go with I think it is utterly critical that his drag persona has wildly elaborate and melodramatic beef with Brucie Wayne.

He drunkenly pushed her off the Eifel Tower, he left her sister at the altar, he insulted her purse dog's honor, he sniped her bid on ebay for a super rare beanie baby at the last possible second - every time someone asks Jason just makes a new story up on the spot, often echoing real grievances both on purpose and on accident. The stories are always too wacky to be real of course, but also his anger is often too genuine for anyone to be entirely sure he's joking...

Have a fun little snippet from the terminally unfinished fanfic I made the Cerulean Orbs persona for (context is that Jason is there investigating a Riddler plot, unbenounced to any of the other bats except Tim. There were two possible locations to watch and so people split up)

The night so far has honestly been shockingly fun, even with his paranoia going full blast, looking behind curtains, around corners, searching, searching, searching, aaaaand there's another circle forming in the crowd. Shit. This one has formed around someone at the door and been moving inwards picking up participants. Jason pushes his way to the interior, making a few 'pardon mes' along the way and gaining a line of dirty looks. Then he finally reaches the end of the press of bodies and comes face to face with Bruce. Fucking. Wayne. And Jason promptly shoves his foot in his mouth, face pulled into disgust, half turning into his fan on instinct, "Oh god it's you." The crowd GASPS and Jason sees the most wonderful thing happen: Bruce looks confused. Not the false confusion he pulls when he needs to play stupid, but the real deal! That tiny tick of frustration in the corners of his eyes says that he truly, genuinely has no fucking clue who this is or why they don't like him. Bruce pulls out his best 'placating the plebs' voice, "I- I'm sorry Madam, have we met??" Jason decides the gods have smiled upon him this day as he pulls out of his stunned silence, flips his hair back and says, "Well! I'm glad ONE of us could forget!" And marches off, leaving a bewildered and half panicked Bruce behind to fend off the media questions about THAT little bombshell. Tim chirps in his ear to warn him that he just ran into Nightwing and they've got the attack covered. He can sit back and relax for the evening. Over the course of the night no less than fifteen groups of people come up to him asking him to spill the details and he gives every single one of them a new, more ridiculously embarrassing story than the last. He stole her favorite dress and drunkenly fell into the river. He took them out to get 'fucked up' and brought out a single baggy of oregano and acted like it was getting him high. He mistook her for six different women over the course of a single two hour dinner date. He did seven lines of cocaine, forgot she existed, and tried to fight god with a bottle opener. Everyone in that place has to know he's lying through his teeth, but it's just too fun a story to turn down. In fact... each of them starts spreading their own version of the rumors, embellishing as they go, and delighting in the PR hurricane they're creating around this poor man. Tim reconvenes the next day to ask Jason about what went down, and if he’s okay and what not. In the middle of Jason’s lively recounting, Tim receives a text from Dick asking for confirmation that his suspicions are correct and that Cerulean Orbs was Jason and mentioning that he’s having laughing conniption fits over the fact that Bruce can’t even begin to figure it out. There is a video of Bruce losing his mind about it attached.

Anyways, I really like the idea of Jason doing drag and I hope this catches other people's fancy too!

[butternaife]

no time at all!-- PILOT

Welcome Home + reader

warnings: derealisation, could cause paranoia, not proofread lmao

notes: so here's the first little drabble of the story I'd mentioned earlier! I'm not new at all to writing, but please keep in mind this is the first story I've posted to Tumblr, so the formatting could suck really bad. 

I have SO many ideas for what I want to continue this with, please tell me if you want to see more. thanks for reading!!  please please please rb if you're able :3

part 2 is posted!

 ╔══•●•══╗╔══•●•══╗╔══•●•══╗╔══•●•══╗╔══•●•══╗

The sounds of the coffee shop around you filled the room; the everyday hustle and bustle of footsteps, casual chatter, and the clinking of porcelain cups were a familiar comfort, and god knows you needed it right now.

The face of the website you'd had open for several days now stared at you (through you?), the direct eye contact of the cartoon puppet mascots making you squirm in your seat.

Welcome Home! It said in bright pastel letters and a font you didn't recognize, though it sparked a deep sense of nostalgia in you; the whole concept did. In fact, that was the whole reason you’d found yourself falling down this rabbit hole of researching, trying any kind of letter combinations in the web address, scrolling through every page you could access with all the text highlighted.

You knew the secrets: the hidden messages, the png title responses in the guestbook, the audio mp4… and it thrilled you.

You hadn't grown up watching the infamous puppet show, of course, you doubt anyone has. Hell, part of you agreed with the people saying it didn't ever exist and all of this was just some online creepy pasta goosechase. Even though, it was so fun to play along, right? To be part of the community, or to be part of the joke, it didn't matter at the end of the day.

Whatever circumstances brought you to wherever you were mentally, and here to this cafe physically, this puppet show had you wrapped around its finger; you didn't really know if you loved the mascots, with their fun, bright designs and their bubbly personalities; something akin to what you'd grown up with, like you'd known them your entire life– or if they terrified you. The same traits that had made them so endearing made them so devoid of life, so lonely and cold when you’d think about it too long. Made to be loved by an audience just to be erased from history entirely- all to be excavated now, alongside these grotesque secrets and mysteries… like it was hidden for a reason. (Exciting, right?)

You scrolled absent-mindedly through the Neighborhood page, looking through all the biographies of the characters, picking apart the text in any ways you could, though you can only command-all and highlight for so long before it’s just a desperate attempt made in vain.

you already knew all the secrets

Home is where the heart is and Welcome Home's residents are the heart of the neighborhood. Even if you don't live there, you're still one of its most important denizens! But don't worry, with the help of this colorful array of neighbors, it'll feel just like home in no time at all!

Yeah, yeah, whatever, they love me.

What used to put a pit in your stomach didn't really do all too much now. The immersiveness wears off after a while. It used to fill you with questions: “am i important to them as the viewer? Are they sentient enough to understand? If they are… how do they feel about it? About me?”

Losing yourself in the story was easy initially, but the meandering possibilities became meaningless prompts. It was just a slogan now.

Your cursor hovers over the titular Home, a second delay in hesitation. Even if nothing else sent a chill down your spine, Home would never fail to unnerve you.

You click.

You're greeted by Wally, the PNG of him painting, the one you see plastered over every blog or post regarding Welcome Home. it was silly of you to expect anything else.

You felt yourself ease back into your chair; there aren't any more secrets to discover until the website is next updated.

As you half-heartedly scroll to click on the Good Bye!, a mystery in itself, you saw it.

Wally’s eyes had just followed your mouse, even by just half an inch, you Swear To God you saw them move.

An overwhelming tremor of sudden panic took over your body; you felt your heart fall deep into your stomach. With a loud thunk, you slammed your laptop closed. You felt the stares of concern burn into your back from the other patrons of the coffee shop, but you didn't care. Hoisting yourself up, laptop in tow, you hurry out through the door, only the greeting bell breaking the apprehensive silence youd left behind you.

Its nothing, you were just staring too long,

you'd thought, though partially drowned out by the sound of your footsteps and the deafening beating of your heart.

Of course you got freaked out, you were looking to be scared, so you came up with something to be scared of. That's all it is; made up.

It didn't really happen.

You had to tell yourself this several times as you walked to your car, trying to shake the image out of your head.

It's not real.