#i am trying to overcome my tumblr addiction of sorts but like

[spinachbobsquarepants]

"I would do anything for you" does not hit the same without "Miss Galinda"

[spaceyaceface]

HAPPY BDAY TO THE REASON WHY I GO ON TUMBLR EVER SO OFTEN!!!<333 Seriously every time u update my day brightens it's insane. Just remembered you were taking asks, soooo I wanted to know if you could do a small drabble of Ominis? I was thinking that MC could be an immigrant from another country, (preferably Spain. *cough cough* I have Spanish ancestors *cough cough*) and struggles with speaking/learning English. They've known each other for a few weeks, Ominis teaching her a few phrases of English. Until one day, like, after a small duel against someone (and unfortunately losing) MC starts ranting in FULL PERFECT ENGLISH about how 'unfair' the situation was for them while the poor boy just looks so confused and gobsmacked. That's all!! Stay safe and have a wonderful day >.<

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUUU ILYSM!!!! Glad I can keep you addicted to the internet I guess?? Haha! I love this request!

Warnings: None

He knew that they often got frustrated with their English. Ominis couldn't blame them---learning a language was hard enough, but doing it alongside the task of learning magic? He couldn't imagine how difficult it was.

He'd grown used to their rapid rants in Spanish when they got frustrated. Since they met a few weeks ago, he'd began working with them to try to help them learn the language. He was proud of the progress they'd made in such a short amount of time.

Ominis supposed he felt a strange sort of kinship with them. He himself had come to school with a difficult disadvantage--one he mostly had to overcome on his own. So, when he met them, he decided to make sure they wouldn't have to flounder before finding their footing like he did.

It was obvious to everyone that, despite the language barrier, they were absolutley brilliant with a wand. Which was how they wound up invited to Crossed Wands, wand gripped hard in their hand as they prepared for a fight.

"You're going to do great," Ominis said. "Good luck."

They sighed, and Ominis heard their feet shift nervously. "Thank you," they said in their accented voice.

It wasn't long until the duel began, and Ominis listened with bated breath. They did a wonderful job, blocking and casting spells at lightning speed. Then someone yelled something in the crowd--Ominis didn't quite catch it, was it a jeer?--but whatever it was, they faltered, trying to make out the words. It was just what they opponent needed.

The spell blasted them back, and Lucan declared it a loss immediately. Ominis rushed forward, making sure they were alright. They were sitting up with a groan, their typical rant in Spanish beginning.

Except after a few moments, Ominis realized it wasn't Spanish. It was perfect English.

"---stupid of me, so stupid. Letting my guard down like that. I know better. I could have blocked. I shouldn't have---what, Ominis?"

They were standing in front of him now, and he was sure he looked absolutely gobsmacked. "You... you're speaking English."

Silence feel between them. "I... I am?" A slight laugh. "I am!"

Ominis grinned as they began to jump up in joy. He was caught off guard by a pair of arms wrapping tightly around him. "Thank you," they said. "Thank you!"

After a moment, he returned to embrace. "I knew you'd get it eventually."

[fromzerotoeuphoria]

Addressing Haru’s Emotions Towards Makoto vs Rin (Season 1, Ep 11 & 12)

(ft. my low quality first attempt at gifmaking) 

So I was innocently looking up Rin and Haru meta on Google (I’m addicted to RinHaru meta plz send help) when I came across this little thread that tried to discredit RinHaru by comparing Haru’s emotional confrontation with Rin in S01E12 vs Haru’s emotional “thank you” to Makoto in S1E11.

Oh give me a break.

{gif from google}

Disclaimer before we dive in:

Now, I know this was posted by antis back when the shipwars within the fandom were at their worst, but I still wanted to address this because I myself am new to Free! and the fandom (I discovered Free! a couple of months ago in mid-July), and being so new to the fandom, these kinds of comments hit like they’re fresh, ya know? I know for me, finding posts of people defending both Rin and RinHaru against the hate really brought me comfort as a baby in the fandom, and I know there are new people coming into the fandom who may feel the same way.

Also, although many of these tumblr posts were written years ago, I still see this kind of stuff active on the internet: on youtube, anime forums, and even kpop forums, believe it or not. So there are still people out there who think these kinds of ways and say these kinds of things, and hopefully addressing posts like these will help highlight the inaccuracies in this kind of thinking...while, again, bringing a sense of consolation to other RinHaru shippers out there.

Makoto is my lil-big squish and I appreciate the MakoHaru friendship, so in no way am I trying to undermine their relationship because it is important (and there’s no way you can deny that Haru does love Makoto at least platonically). So though I may come off strong towards these types of MH shippers, it doesn’t mean I’m talking about all MH shippers and it’s certainly not towards Makoto. I will, however, place things in a proper perspective because I see a lot of exaggerating and misrepresenting going on in order to undermine just how much Rin means to Haru (which is baffling to me because it’s so obvious and CANON just how strongly Haru cares about Rin and wants him in his life).

And YES, I’m a RinHaru shipper. There is a possibility of ship-bias, but I do my best to be fair. Plus, I love these boys.

Well, let’s get into it.

(tl;dr in bold & at end of post)

...but telling Makoto “thank you” and that he “appreciates him being here for him” is overwhelming to the point that he can’t even look at Makoto while talking and feels the need to run out of his room in the middle of the night, the night before their super important relay.

So the scene with Makoto being referenced by OP is the MakoHaru scene in S01E11 in which both Makoto and Haru are in their hotel room the night before the big tournament. They’re in their respective beds, and Haru opens up to Makoto and thanks him for always being there for him. Feeling embarrassed as well as being unable to sleep, Haru leaves and goes for a run.

Then of course, the climactic scene of the whole season: Rin and Haru’s final confrontation. No need for me to summarize it because we ALL know what goes down:

last gif brought to you straight out of a shoujo manga ;D

Comparing Haru's reactions between these two counters is erroneous because so much about them is different, and thus Haru is coming from totally different places emotionally. 

These are two different situations under completely different circumstances (with two different people who hold different places in Haru's heart. Again, different). With Makoto, you had a sweet, heartfelt moment in which Haru opens up his heart to his best friend and thanks Makoto deeply (in his Haru-like way) for always being there for him, for being someone he can always depend on and lean upon for all these years.  With Rin, you had a culmination of so much raw emotion and misunderstanding between two friends who cared about each other—but thought the other person didn’t reciprocate—finally coming to a head-on collision. This has Haru in a completely different mental and emotional state when he confronted Rin than when he was with Makoto in their hotel room. 

Haru went through a whole freakin' lot over the years, even just in Season 1 alone. He just experienced an "existential crisis" of sorts in eps 8 and 9 after Rin told him he was never going to swim with him again, and Makoto was a big part of why Haru was able to overcome that feeling of blackness and discover his enjoyment in swimming relay (Rei and Nagisa and their team-manship being the other part of the reason). Makoto has been THE constant support in Haru's life, always supporting him from the shadows and taking care of him without ever asking for anything in return. I believe that in the excitement, anticipation and emotions of the entire team's journey thus far that brought them to that hotel room for their big tournament, Haru began thinking about everything that led up to such a big moment in their lives. And he knew that the major support in his life right there in the hotel room with him, and in this poignant moment, Haru expresses his gratitude.

(Sidenote: a confession of gratitude =/= a love confession, folks. I've seen people hype up that Shimizaki called it a “confession” from Haru to Makoto, and that Utsumi agreed, and so they somehow equate it to a "confession of love" when…sorry luvs, but no. In the same statement Utsumi says, "…it is a confession to his best friend.[…] this is the first time he openly expresses his feelings of gratitude for that consistent support." It’s a confession of gratitude, not non-platonic “love.”) [x]

And Haru being Haru, he doesn’t often express himself emotionally. The hotel scene was one of the few times Haru ever verbally expressed to Makoto how deeply he appreciates him, and of course, as someone who doesn’t express their emotions or feelings on the regular, he was embarrassed. I agree that it’s totally sweet and makes you uwu because Haru expressing his emotions is uwu, and the fact that he did it to his best friend Makoto who's BEEN deserving it makes it even more UWU. I totally understand how this scene is precious to MakoHaru shippers, and it should be for it was a very sweet and heartwarming scene between the two best friends (and it was about time Haruka expressed his appreciation to Makoto).

That being said, trying to use an exaggeration of what actually happened in that scene as ammo against Haru’s feelings for Rin is just...not it. Haru didn’t leave the hotel room solely because he was embarrassed about thanking Makoto, and certainly not because:

...telling Makoto “thank you” and that he “appreciates him being here for him” is overwhelming to the point that he can’t even look at Makoto while talking and feels the need to run out of his room in the middle of the night, the night before their super important relay.

 ...as OP claims. There were other factors that played a much more significant part in Haru feeling “overwhelmed” and causing him to “feel the need to run out of his room in the middle of the night before their super important relay”—one of those factors being said super important relay.

We know Haru is nervous about the tournament and can’t sleep because of it—Makoto even calls him out on this. Then shortly after, when Haru runs into Nagisa out in the town, Nagisa and Haru go to a nearby playground and Nagisa also asks Haru if he’s can't sleep because he's nervous. Haru tries to dodge the question (he doesn’t want to admit it, very on brand for Haru), but when Nagisa admits that even he’s nervous—and has been so since they got onto the bus—Haru is shocked and asks, “You are??!” He’s surprised that he wasn’t the only one feeling nervous about the tournament, which confirms Makoto’s observation from earlier: that Haru is nervous about the tournament and can’t sleep because of it. This along with him being embarrassed are why he goes out for the run. (But honestly, it makes way more sense to the story that it was primarily because of his nervousness about the tournament that he left the hotel room, not because he was embarrassed thanking Makoto).

Also, just pointing out: Nagisa reveals one of the reasons why Haru is nervous about the tournament (and therefore one of the reasons he can’t sleep):

Nagisa: “We’ll be racing Rin-chan tomorrow. That’s probably why you’re nervous.”

I know that some shippers out there (*eyes OPs*) would love to tell themselves that it was all just Haru feeling so overwhelmed with emotion from merely telling Makoto that he appreciates him, and that Haru just couldn’t handle sharing these emotions with the one he luvvvs so he runs out into the middle of the night because it’s all just TOO OVERWHELMING...

...but, that’s just not how it actually was.

YES Haru was embarrassed from expressing his appreciation to Makoto, but he was also nervous and anxious about the tournament—and about racing against Rin. Remember, the last time he raced Rin in ep 7/8, Rin won and told Haru he’d never have to swim with him again. That left Haru in a black hole; yet on the flip side, when he had raced Rin in middle school and won, Rin said that he was quitting swimming and in turn, Haru also quit competitive swimming because he thought he hurt Rin. So in Haru's mind: "beating Rin = losing Rin, which means I get hurt BUT ALSO Rin winning = never swimming with him again/losing Rin, which still means I get hurt." So you can imagine the apprehension, anxiety and nervousness Haru is dealing with from all these different uncertainties. (@skania​ explains Haru’s internal dilemma regarding beating Rin very well in this post; seriously you guys her Free! Meta is everything I'm in love with her posts, please go check her stuff out.)

 Haru being embarrassed with Makoto does NOT mean that, as the mh shippers in the OP are insinuating, Haru doesn’t actually care about Rin because he wasn’t “overwhelmed” with emotion enough to run from the situation, but instead was “just fine” during his confrontation with Rin. 

i still can’t get over the fact that Haru gets through the entire end scene with Rin face-to-face just fine (where they’re yelling about feelings and Rin’s crying on him and everything’s so amped up between them)

Umm…did you guys just skip over this entire scene that was legitimately the most emotionally-charged scene in the entire season?

Haru literally has tears in his eyes as he finally [and “desperately”] reveals to Rin how he really feels [x]:

Did you not hear how just seconds earlier, Haru was literally shouting his feelings to Rin, and how before that he momentarily fell back into a black hole at the thought of never being able to swim with Rin again?

Did you totally miss how even Nagisa pointed out that Haru wasn’t in the condition to swim their relay at their "super important tournament" because he was so devastated about Rin? Did you not watch as Haru risked his relay race at said "super important tournament" to go look for Rin—”running with abandon”—and reconcile with him?

Did y’all not watch the same anime as the rest of us in which the whole resolution is Haru and the rest of the guys willingly getting disqualified at the super important tournament just so they could have a chance to swim relay with Rin again?

Are you guys so obsessed with your ship that you willingly blind yourselves to what’s actually going on in the anime outside of your otp?

 Like I said above, Haru was in different emotional states in these two scenes:

With Makoto, Haru is embarrassed from emotionally opening up and expressing his appreciation for Makoto—something he does not usually do—coupled with his anxiety and nervousness about the relay.

With Rin, Haru is in pure relief that after all of this time, after all of these years, Rin feels the same as him and that he’s finally able to reconcile with his friend. 

What did the OPs expect, for Haru to run away from Rin in that scene because he’s so overwhelmed with emotion? Haru ran after Rin—he was DONE running away from Rin, and with Rin running away from him. This entire episode was about their reconcilement, not them running away from each other yet again. Haru is finally free from the emotional weights of his unresolved conflict with Rin, and what OPs claim to be Haru being “just fine” is in actuality Haru being utterly relieved and happy. Throughout the season, Haru had been wanting to feel free, but it wasn't until he and Rin reconciled that he actually achieved that freedom.Can you really deny the emotion in Haru’s eyes and smile during this scene? I mean, just look at him:

Do you really think KyoAni is going to have Haru be “jUsT fInE” after he finally made things right with the friend who had been haunting him ever since elementary school?

BOTH scenes were emotional for Haru. BOTH scenes were important for Haru, and for his friends involved. BOTH interactions evoked strong emotions within Haru because he loves and cares about BOTH Makoto and Rin.

.

.

Tl;dr: Haru was much more (expressively) emotional in the entirety of ep12—let alone in the confrontation scene with Rin—than he was in the hotel room with Makoto. No one can honestly deny that, it's all over the animation and soundtrack and directing of the entire episode. This isn't a knock to Makoto and doesn't mean Haru cares about him any less than he actually does. However, the entire season was about Haru and Rin reconciling + the power of friendship, so of course their reconcilement would be the climax of the show. In addition, throughout the whole season Haru had such powerful emotions when it came to Rin, so it makes sense that their reconcilement scene would be one of the most, dare I say the most emotional scene in the show. That's not bias, that's just merely how it is.

[devoverest]

Getting to know me: a novel

@ignisgalaxia @imaginationdrift @bizships @lodessa and @streepmulgrew  have all tagged me for this, and I just can't take the peer pressure any longer. However, I'm so long-winded everyone will surely be very sorry that you five ever asked me. I will try very hard to put most of this below a "read more" link, but my mobile app doesn't play nicely with that feature any longer, so I truly deeply and sincerely apologize if yours doesn't either and you get a callus scrolling past all of what follows on your way to the gifsets you're on Tumblr to enjoy.

1. Relationship status: married -- legally and everything. It was the mid-'90s. I was considering having a religious ceremony but forgoing the state-recognized marriage license part, in solidarity with same-sex couples who at the time and for many years afterward were denied that privilege. However, my father absolutely put his foot down (something he almost never did with me, especially in my young adulthood) and insisted on the marriage license. He supported marriage equality, but he was thinking of my economic security in case our marriage didn't last. He was right to do, as I ended up taking many years out of the paid workforce to raise children, which I hadn't planned on doing when I decided to marry.

In case Tumblr is stupid, right here is where I’ve inserted a “read more” link as I’m writing this post. I tried. 

2. Lipstick or chapstick: Usually neither. Actually, never literal Chapstick because that stuff is made out of petroleum and isn't good for your skin. I learned that when I was playing a lot of flute in high school and college and had to take extra special care of my lips to play well. If the weather gets really cold and dry, which it rarely does where I live, and if I can hang on to any of the half-dozen tubes I buy every year but which invariably get swiped and then lost by family members, I use a Burt's Bees lip balm. I seem to have a knack for finding them barely-used in the bottom of my purse during the warm months and then never having one at hand when I actually need it. I think I own one lip pencil currently and I'll sometimes use that to outline my lips when I'm doing some sort of special-event public speaking kinda gig but I don't wear any make-up normally. My husband claims that I knew full well it was a date the first time we got together socially because I wore make-up. I have never admitted to him that he is correct, but he is.

3. Three favorite foods: Too many to narrow down to just three. I enjoy and appreciate a wide range of foods. Things I enjoy and appreciate perhaps a tad more frequently than I ought to in the strictest interests of nutrition are chocolate in almost any form, ice cream (especially that of the chocolate persuasion and most especially any form of peanut-butter/chocolate), and Starburst brand jellybeans, which my son and I share somewhat ritualistically most evenings after dinner (which is somehow not the same thing as for dessert.) Why yes, I do have a sweet tooth -- why do you ask?

4. Song stuck in your head: Currently "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive (I had to google that.) I don't know why but suspect it was on TV this evening, which makes me fear that it may be the campaign song for some politician I would never vote for. Which reminds me -- US citizens, please double-check that you are registered to vote and make a plan for voting in the upcoming midterms! This will probably the most important election of your entire lifetime, past or future, no matter what your age, and in many races in many states, voter turnout will be the single deciding factor in who controls the future of our country for a very long time to come. Please vote!

5. Last movie you watched: "Crazy Rich Asians," with my husband, unwisely just two days after I had minor (but surprisingly butt-kicking) surgery. We went to the first matinee showing on a Saturday and actually arrived at the theater before it even opened, a sure sign of mature middle age if I've ever heard of one. We both loved the film -- it was glitzy, funny, extremely well-written and -acted, got all the Chinese cultural details right, offered caricatures but no stereotypes, was very female-centric and multi-generational, and of course starred the exquisite and inimitable Michelle Yeoh who also plays Philippa Georgiou on Star Trek: Discovery. Laughed until my belly hurt (literally, sadly) and then went home and slept the rest of the day.

6. Top three shows: This will sound really strange for someone who is on Tumblr because of TV show fandom, but I don't watch TV. I grew up with Star Trek TOS reruns and movies, then TNG in college & grad school, then Voyager until extended stays abroad made it impossible to keep up with (back in the days before streaming and VPNs.) I reconnected with Star Trek in summer 2017 when I was home alone for six weeks and binged all of Voyager and then started digging up fanfic for all the reasons all the Voyager fans turn to fic -- to fix what the show's writers mutilated -- and now here I am, but I don't watch TV, and when I do it's the nightly news or whatever sports my husband is watching and then it's just because I feel like sitting in the same room with my husband at that particular time. The one exception to this fact about me is that I did watch Star Trek: Discovery as it was being released last year, and even got my teenager into it. (He is a Netflix addict but never watched any Star Trek anything before that. I don't know where I went wrong with this child.)

7. Books I'm currently reading: Eternal Tide by Kirsten Beyer because @voyager-book-club; Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie (audiobook but I'm counting it); Five Ways to Forgiveness by Ursula K. LeGuin, Soul at Work: Spiritual Leadership in Organizations by Margaret Benefiel; Pachinko by Min Jin Lee; and Selecting and Using Breastfeeding Tools: Improving Care and Outcomes by Catherine Watson Genna. Except that the last three books on the list are ones I have at hand and keep wanting to read but haven't so much as opened yet. But including them gives you a more complete sense of my interests.

8. Last thing I googled: "you ain't seen nothing yet lyrics" because #4 above. Before that, "instant pot beef stew recipe." No need to look further back in my search history (she said during a break from writing smut.) *whistles innocently*

9. Time: 10:30pm as I write this. No idea when I'll post it or when you'll read it. This seems like a silly question to include for a post of this nature.

10. Dream trip: India. But I've also never crossed the equator and really feel I should someday, so who knows, maybe I'll find a way to drop in on all the Australian friends I've made in Voyager fandom. Now wouldn't that be lovely?

11. Anything you want: Anyone who knows me in real life (and anyone hanging around the Voyager Book Club discord server) knows I never shut up about breastfeeding support and advocacy. But I always try to make it clear that I'm not preaching at parents about how they should feed their babies; rather, I'm working to help parents who want to breastfeed overcome any challenges they encounter. I save my preaching for the folks involved with policy and institutional barriers to breastfeeding, and when it comes to the unethical and demonstrably harmful advertising practices of the infant formula industry, my preaching leans hard toward the hellfire and damnation variety because that is some truly evil shit, folks -- the advertising practices, not the formula milk itself; let's be very, very clear about that.

Rules: Tag 15 people you want to get to know better.

Here I shall echo @imaginationdrift: "(Really?! That sounds like a number chosen by an extroverted maven.) / Ok, here goes. / FEEL FREE TO: never complete this. I won’t be disappointed, promise." Also, apologies to those who have already responded -- feel even freer to ignore. 

@garrulus  @rikerssexblouse  @klugtiger  @ussjellyfish  @kate-coleman-writes  @lameraextranjera  @armitagetrekkie  @warp6  @admiralkatcornwellfan @zjofierose  @writtenndust @trekkiefeminist @quirkette100 @nerdfishgirl @hoidn

[gnj9ata]

A Man Without Fear...(Daredevil Season 3 Retrospective)

*Spoilers for Netflix’s Daredevil Season 3 Ahead*

Going in line with my Avengers: Infinity War Spoiler talk, I am going to try to make this post as cohesive as I can considering there are many points I want to hit on when it comes to this current season of Daredevil. It’s also been a while since I made a post like this, so I felt like this would be a perfect way to make my much needed Tumblr return.

Which is ironic considering this entire season’s theme was built on an idea of “resurrection” or better yet: Redemption. (Which is funny because the first episode is called “Resurrection”) In some way, each character within this season, with the exception of Foggy perhaps, had to overcome their respective tragic past and forgive themselves for all of their previous misdeeds. Wilson Fisk, Matt Murdock, Karen Page, Dex, and even some other FBI agents like Ray Nadeem (who was one of my favorite new characters in this season) all was trying to escape the past and in a sense built a new “version” of themselves that they personally felt was only then possible of finally receiving redemption. I mean, it’s even discussed in one episode between Karen and Maggie how everyone isn’t redeemable.

This actually reminds me of something Wilson Fisk actually says in the last episode “A New Napkin” to Vanessa.

“The self-deception of a vain man. That the only reason why I love you because of the way I see my reflection in your eyes.”

I really like this line of dialogue because it shows that Kingpin isn’t evil for the sake of just being that, but he only harms others when it serves a particular goal. (With the expectation of lasting out on random people in a fit of rage) I mean, in the episode before, you actually see Wilson Fisk be a reasonable man and allow that lady to keep the “Rabbit in Snowstorm” painting even though it means alot to him. It was actually Dex’s reckless angry that finally allowed Fisk to seize the painting, to the disdain of Fisk.

Speaking of Dex, he also had his only path of redemption. Trying to escape his past of having his parents die while he was young, having his therapist die as well, in addition to killing a guy with a baseball 0_0.....

Regardless of Dex being a very mentally tormented and deranged individual, (I mean this guy was going to legit kill his therapist for dying of cancer) I felt sort of bad for him because in a sense, much like Fisk himself, he was still a kid mentally in some aspects and throughout the season, you could see him constantly getting manipulated by others to further their own agendas. In the beginning, he was manipulated by the FBI to just care out orders, then later by Fisk, then by Matt. This mental struggle was pretty much reflected in the tape recordings we heard throughout the season. His therapist pretty much saying he needed order, structure, and a good moral compass which could aid in leading him on the right path. And this shows considering how easily it was for both Fisk and Matt to both get inside his head to get him to do exactly what they wanted him to. At the end of the day, it made me sort of sympathize with him because he was a mentally unstable adult just getting mentally thrown around by others.

(Side Note: I love the editing of Fisk watching Dex’s old memories in the episode “The Perfect Game”. Really well done.)

Although he did kill Father Lantom and Ray, so screw him for that.

However, I have to mention how this season did completely change my perspective about one particular character though: Karen Page.

I’m not sure why, but in the other seasons, I wasn’t too fond of her. She always annoyed me for some reason and I just couldn’t put my finger on why. However, considering we got to see her develop more as a character, especially expanding more on her tragic past, made me come around to her character alot more.

That whole thing with her being a Heroin addict and her accidentally killing her brother in that car crash. That’s pretty rough stuff and it made me sympathize with her alot more than before.    

AND HER VERBAL EXCHANGE WITH FISK IN EPISODE 8 “Upstairs/Downstairs”!!! HOLY SHIT! That scene was amazing. How she was able to get under Fisk’s skin just for a second. SO GOOD. And how Fisk was able to deduce Matt’s identity from her facial expressions. The mental mind games that was going on in that scene was fantastic and one of my favorite scenes Karen was actually a part of.

The other scene would have to go to when Karen was in the FBI Headquarters in episode 7 “Aftermath” and looking down at the different cell phones of all the dead victims on the table inside of small evidence bags seeing them all go off one by one with text messages from loved ones. This very subtle scene shows the hardship and just overall casualties of war better than any other scene in the Marvel cinematic universe or any of the other Marvel TV shows. I mean, this is something we can all relate to.

We have all had those moments when we text our loved ones telling them that we have made it home or to work safe or vice versa. This scene perfectly shows that behind every innocent civilian that dies in one of these shows or movies (off screen or on) that a loved one somewhere just lost a brother, a mother, a father, a sister, or a close friend. Just an incident bystander caught in the crossfire. This point really echoed for me when we find out later in the last episode that Julie, Dex’s crush, was killed and her dead body was just disposed of in just some random freezer. I had assumed that she was just kidnapped and put someone else, later to be used as leverage when Dex possibly went against Fisk. But NOPE, she was just killed for just being associated with Dex. She was just killed for trying to help someone in need. Killed for doing the right thing. That’s pretty fucked up when you think about it.

This example and many others make the ending VERY bitter sweet for me. I mean, it ends on a good note with Karen, Matt, and Foggy all sharing a drink and laughing, but it really makes you think though. Like, how many incident people had to die in order for us and the main characters to get that “happy ending”? I mean, Fisk is behind bars yet again, but how many lives did he take before that happened though? I mean people that wasn’t really even involved like Julie or the employees that worked at the New York Bulletin. They pretty much died for just “being at the wrong place at the wrong time” which sucks.

However, that last scene between Fisk and Matt. Watching that inter struggle of Matt deciding if he was finally going to kill Fisk.

Daredevil - “You want me to kill you.”

Fisk - “No Prison can keep me. You know that.”

Fisk - “COME ON...KILL ME!!!”

Daredevil - “NOOOO, God knows I want to, but you don’t get to destroy who I am.”

Daredevil - “You will go back to prison, and you will live the rest of your miserable life in a cage. Knowing you will never have Vanessa. That this city rejected you. It beat you. I BEAT YOUUU!”

SO FUCKING GOOD!

And that fight scene between Dex, Kingpin, and Matt was pretty good. I was geeking out the entire time. It was a pretty good way to end this season off and I am certainly looking forward to season 4. Especially as it seems by the final scene that Dex will maybe fully become Bullseye.

(I just hope we don’t get another meh season like Season 2)

[kindabraveandlittlestupid]

I want to believe I am a good person. I try to be there for people when they need me, I try to pay my own way, I try to be a voice of compassion for others when they need someone to encourage them to do the right thing. Despite all my attempts to be a good person I am not without my SINS nor am I above slipping into VICES to help me cope with the real world.

While I might go into detail about my failing as a human being another time (those SINS I talked about), I thought tonight I might share some of my vices with you to allow you to better understand some of the ‘sand’ I try to use to fill in those personal character cracks. I know we all indulge in some way or another, some of us find ourselves watching sports for hours on end as a form of escapism. Some of us rely on books, video games, or music to help us the same way. Some of us eat, drink, smoke, or go to the gym for hours on end. Just to be clear I am not advocating against having a vice(s). Sometimes these things bring that little breath of joy to help us not lose our fucking minds.

So here is a list of my vices so you know what kind of man I am or at least have another lens to view me.

Porn

Is it technically sex addiction or porn addiction? I think while I prefer it was the first in reality it’s the latter. I did this to myself looking at years of erotic both hentai and written fiction, galleries of images and videos, roleplays and now even audio recordings. I enjoy subtext to the images which is so much easier to find now with so much ‘caption’ porn appearing online. Little micro-stories that give you just enough to imagine what happened before and after lewd gif.

While I enjoy some good black and white style images making the images seem classy, the Sapiosexual in me makes it harder on my actual love life. I find myself wanting my partner to indulge in little fantasies through text messages or in the bedroom to make things more exciting. For some guys its being called daddy, some girls they love the mysterious stranger trying to seduce them, and for me it talking while fucking making her share dirty thoughts and fantasies while I fuck her.

It’s like nitro to my engine where an erotic confession or cleverly engaging premise for a ‘roleplay’ makes my hips move quickly sending out thrusts into her making her scream out for more. Some lovers I had were willing to do this and others felt too shy or unprepared to engage in such lewd conversation. So I rely on porn to fill the void which both keeps me faithful but also sabotages my relationship because I want that dirty talk in there.

Video Games

Video games while draining my income from time to time, usually about the Steam Summer Sale. I have actually gotten much better at, if only because I spend more time engaged in politics and online life. On step forward and one step back sort of deal.

There was a time when I spend hours doing “Achievement Hunting” spending hours trying to hit a specific score to earn a digital badge. How fucking stupid was that? While I still kinda care for a gamerscore anything with 10,000 kills or find all the super rare items across the map become little private “Fuck That” moments where I simply do not give a shit.

Fact is while Video Games will ALWAYS be a vice for me, I become more choosy about how I will spend my time. A co-op campaign with my best friend, a solid roleplay like Skyrim or Mass Effect, a group game where everyone at a party takes turns, or maybe a brief puzzle game to keep my witts sharp. I have managed to tweak this vice so it isn’t so consuming of my time and energy.

Internet

A proper love-hate relationship with the internet. I find myself trapped by things like Facebook where my mind seeks messages from friends.It’s a deviant program that I seek to delete in the future but I keep around only because I have dozens of global friends I met while traveling and I prefer not to lose contact with them.

The other elements besides the social media are the youtube videos where I watch science shows and generally try to educate/better myself but then I get caught up watching Cyanide and Happiness for awhile an nothing truly gets done. Hell even I write this on Tumblr I am indulging in this vice which is a kind of a self-centered journaling. I justify/rationalize it because through writing I can reflect on my feelings and make my beliefs known while also engaging in false thoughts or prejudices that sometimes wiggle their way into our minds.

Perhaps one day I will share this Tumblr with my friends so they can look further into who I am and see if this brings them closer or sends them off running away.

Caffeine/Sugar

If there is something that will kill me its this shit. The one TRUE addiction that makes me crave its effects. I sometimes find my reptilian brain seeking these fixes out while I try to overcome this physical addiction. I remember climbing into a car to drive to the store for some Yellow Redbulls only to realize I started the engine what I was doing. 

If anything brings me closer to understanding how chemical addition works, these things give me a peek into the life of someone who has fallen to a chemical. It’s there scratching away wanting you to indulge. It gives you an extra kick of “Fuck Yeah” when you don’t indulge and finally give into the craving. I hope to one day kick this shit and live cleaner but fuck me if it isn’t hard and those drinks don’t wake me the fuck up. I think the only way to escape these bastards is to switch out one vice for another… maybe I should take up coffee or tea like grown up.

Politics

Perhaps not a Vice but a purpose but I kinda rely on Politics to channel my energy. It’s cathartic to fight with people online, it feels good to fight against an oppressive party (looking at you Far Right Neo-Nazi Republicans), and most of the nighttime shows I watch are comedy shows with a focus on Politics. I am sure conservatives hate these shows because they make up about 80% of the jokes make against a certain party but when you party has lost their fucking mind what do you expect these comedians to after?

Closing

I also binge watch TV shows on Netflix, make Listographies on my Google Drive, and build Spotify playlists. Lots of small things that nibble at my finite amount of life for pointless things. It’s not about removing these things completely. We all find something to make us better, some of us just find better vices like Yoga, Meditation, or Martial Arts to become that crutch. It’s all about making these things work for us and not having us work for them. 

I prefer my porn addiction be something that I share with a lover so it becomes our little lewd gallery. I think video games will need to be scaled back until its only a few key titles i enjoy for a time before shelving, perhaps share it with my son or daughter (if I ever have one). Internet… we will see how I handle this bitch, sometimes its not worth all the trouble but damn it doesn’t help me while I am traveling. Sugar and Caffeine need to be changed to something that won’t fucking kill me. And politics? If I can turn my political writing into something more positive (which I don’t always do on here because I really dislike the Trumpublicans these days) maybe I can be a voice that provides some order to things.

Regards Michael California

[dalmatianplantationsensation]

CHARACTER SHEET: Roger Jonathan Radcliffe

As I hide behind these books I read  / while scribbling my poetry / like art could save a wretch like me / with some ideal ideology / that no one can hope to achieve. / And I am never real; it is just a sketch of me. -- Waste of Paint, Bright Eyes

It takes strength to be gentle and kind. --I Know It’s Over, The Smiths

STATS:

Birthday: 11 October 1991

Hogwarts House (Primary): Ravenclaw (modelling a blend of Hufflepuff and Slytherin)

Hogwarts House (Secondary): Ravenclaw

Myers-Briggs: ISFP

Enneagram: Type 5

Height:  5’11

BACKGROUND OVERVIEW:

Mother: Harriet Martha Hunter Radcliffe

Father: William Jonathan Radcliffe (deceased)

Mother’s Occupation: manager at a fabric store

Father’s Occupation: musician

Family Finances: lower class

Birth Order: only child

Other Close Family: Gran on his dad’s side; he has two male cousins on that side who are pretty Patts-esque lol; didn’t really talk to his mum’s side all that much till about a couple of years ago

Best Friend: Paul Patts

Other Friends: from home: Lucy, Finn, Ed; from here: Anita, Perdita, Berlioz, Stan, Brad, Belle?

Enemies: none, really—Lou?

Pets: 32 Dalmatians lol (he had a Dalmatian named George when he was growing up)

Home Life During Childhood: eh so it was happy till he was about ten, then his father started drinking more than usual and doing bad drugs and there were a lot of fights and broken furniture and all that and Roger blames himself

Town or City Name(s): London, England—East End, near Shoreditch

What Did Her Bedroom Look Like: sloping wall with green-striped wallpaper, lots of books jammed into a little shelf, a little wobbly desk with a single desk lamp, kept a bunch of knick-knacks on his desk, lots of sheet music

Any Sports or Clubs: probably in school band or orchestra, also did theatre

Favorite Toy or Game: He had a stuffed dog that he went to bed with every night till he was like 13 or something and it wasn’t “cool” anymore and one of the bigger kids teased him about it so he stuffed it in the bin, but his mum rescued it and it’s on the shelf above his childhood bed

Schooling: finished secondary

Favorite Subject: Music, of course, and English

Popular or Loner: had his own group of friends, was never really a true loner, also helped that his best mate was like the most popular bloke in school

Important Experiences or Events: Dad died when he was 15, he found the body in the bathroom

Health Problems: prone to addiction, undiagnosed depression probably, also near-sighted if that counts lol (he wears contacts most of the time)

Culture: English

Religion and beliefs: his mum’s family goes to church pretty regularly and he’s, like, the type of guy who wishes he could believe in God but isn’t sure—even so, does Christmas, Easter, that whole thing, and when he’s feeling particularly vulnerable, he will pray

PERSONALITY:

Bad Habits: nervous talker, easily addicted to substances, smokes, drinks too much when he’s in a depressive spell

Good Habits: loyal, dedicated to his craft when he is in a steady spell, very good with kids and animals

Best Characteristic: dedicated—to the people close to him, to his craft, to his passions, he won’t quit on you

Worst Characteristic: low self-worth—he doesn’t think much of himself at all and it’s a big hindrance to, like, his life

Worst Memory: finding his dad’s dead body ha ha ha

Best Memory: when Powell approached him and introduced himself and said he had talent

Proud of: his musical ability

Embarrassed by: uh his like,,,everything—his looks, his background, his finances, his grades

Driving Style: he’s very average, speeds a little but remembers his turn signals

Strong Points: kind, artistic, passionate, intelligent, goofy

Temperament: melancholic

Attitude: can be broody

Weakness: tbh he’s like really sensitive if you doubt the one thing he is proud of (musical ability); also fuck with Paul/Anita/his mom (and Perdita by extension), he will get upset

Fears: not living up to his artistic potential, turning into his father

Phobias: turning into his father highkey

Secrets: sometimes he’s happy? His dad died bc it really put his mum out of a lot of misery…

Regrets: getting good at music, because that’s what ultimately drove his dad down the drain

Feels Vulnerable When: talking about himself in general lol, he likes talking to other people and does genuinely want to know more about them but he hates it when it’s about him

Pet Peeves: snobby rich people—he can deal with regular rich people who aren’t snobs and think that his social class is his own fault, kale (really does not like kale)

Conflicts: desire to follow his artistic dreams vs how freakin’ hard it is to do, as well as not wanting to like totally leave his mum in the dust

Motivation: to be a true, genuine artist and hoping success will follow

Short Term Goals and Hopes: get some sort of record deal—either as a musician or a composer

Long Term Goals and Hopes: gosh—make a decent living as a composer, trying not to be a sell-out, but also still getting his time in the limelight

Sexuality: bisexual, if we’re talking Kinsey-scale it’s like a 2.5 (prefers women, but still likes men)

Exercise Routine: gets most of his exercise from working tbh

Day or Night Person — Night.

Introvert or Extrovert — Introvert.

Optimist or Pessimist — Pessimist  

LIKES AND STYLES:

Music: jazz, of course! He grew up listening to the greats and has a fondness for Charlie Parker. Errol Garner is another favorite. Other than that he listens to a lot of classic rock—London’s a great city for classic rock, eh? Got the Stones and the Beatles and the Who—real great place, music’s everywhere, didya know that lots of the classic rock bands were influenced by jazz? Roger can show you where they played. Also really into the Smiths. And indie stuff. Fan of the occasional really good musical. Just doesn’t really like pop is all (ok except for some songs....)

Books: classics, he’s partial to the 1920s era—Hemingway (yes, I know), Fitzgerald, Stein, and all that good stuff. Also a fan of Virginia Woolf. Also a huge Jane Austen fan, he won’t admit that right away but it’s easy to pry out of him.

Magazines: tbh not many,,,he keeps up with music stuff online

Foods: good pub food—he likes a good steak pie with loads of green peas and mashed potatoes on the side. Also a good English breakfast (his favorite part’s the sausage).

Drinks: tea—black, the English Breakfast blend. Likes a good beer as well, or a shot of whiskey.

Animals: Dogs. No, but seriously, he’s always been fond of them and will take care to point them out on the street to whoever he is with.

Sports: He plays football but sucks at it haha, but he follows Paul’s team!

Social Issues: LGBTQ+ rights, he’s like really against gentrification, having lived it firsthand

Favorite Saying: “Life is like jazz; it’s a lot better when you improvise.”

Color: Grey. He likes how varied it is. It reminds him of home and of silver and the sky and the Thames and a lot of things he likes.

Clothing: he’s like very particular about how he dresses, tries not to wear shorts and t-shirts, he likes to keep it dressy casual, like hipster style (wow, roger)

Jewelry: he has a nice watch his dad passed down to him and a ring his granddad gave him when he graduated

Games: played pokemon when he was younger, will take a turn on those first-person shooters when he’s with friends, likes the Legend of Zelda

Websites: Instagram, tumblr, has his own like wordpress or something with music reviews, posts some piano covers on youtube (not terribly many)

TV Shows: Fools and Horses, other british sitcoms which i am too lazy to research r now but he’s a sitcom sorta bloke when he does watch tv

Movies: he likes weird horror movies, big zombie fan; secretly really adores Love, Actually, but says his favourite movie is Ray (which is a great movie, he just likes Love, Actually more....); prefers the BBC Pride and Prejudice over the Kiera Knightley one and is passionate about that

Greatest Want: to be a true artist™

Greatest Need: to overcome his bad self-esteem and love himself

CURRENTLY:

Home: lives in the Dalmatian Plantation farmhouse, on the top floor in an attic bedroom

Household furnishings: lots of sheet music, he keeps his closet pretty neat, but the rest is quite messy. Always has a stack of books on his bedside drawer. There’s usually an empty mug of tea because he’s too lazy to bring it downstairs lol. Bed is usually not made.

Favorite Possession: probably a book from either Paul or Anita (or both)

Most Cherished Possession:  the piano in his house in London, which belonged to his dad and his dad’s dad; also the watch his dad left him

Married Before: Nope.

Significant Other Before: Finn, Sarah (those are the only significant ones)

Children: n/a

Relationship with Family: very close with his mum, they stuck together when it got really bad on his homelife end; she’s always been supportive of him; his mum’s family used to not speak to them much, but recently have been reaching out; dad’s family talks to them more

Car: n/a

Career: dog care-taker, record shop clerk, musician/composer

Dream Career: composer/jazz musician [music teacher, but he doesn’t know that yet]

Dream Life: ok so honestly—Roger’s destined to become a teacher. He’s great with kids and in the end, he will (hopefully) realize that his passion for music is meant to be passed down to others. Sure, he’s gonna still write the occasional almost-famous tune and play in ensembles and venues, but he’s gonna be truly happy as a teacher.

Love Life: uh—kinda dating Anita? What is? Going? On?

Hobbies : playing music, reading, walking the dogs lol, likes playing football sometimes (sucks at it), acting

Guilty Pleasure : will, on occasion, like a pop song; rom-coms

Sports or Clubs: n/a

Talents or Skills : great musician—plays piano excellently, trumpet pretty well, and can manage a bit on saxophone and guitar; has a good singing voice too (baritone)! Decent driver (can drive manual wow that’s impressive to me tbh); good with kids and animals (also impressive to me lmao)

Intelligence Level : artistically inclined—he was bad at science/math classes, but good at music, literature, and history. He’s not dumb by any means, but his strengths aren’t really in a technical area. He’s knowledgeable and interested in learning about things, but don’t ask him to solve some intricate mathematical proof

Finances: manages alright on his own (he basically doesn’t have to pay rent, so he’s doing p good; sends money back home too)

[anecdotaltruthbomb]

feeding time for my terence hill alter ego.

pour lots of boiling water over soft oats, tomato paste concentrate (low salt), chilli, peppers, ginger, or whatever.

let it soak and add more (cold) water, if needed.

don't consume dry oats!

in germany there is a breakfast tradition called müsli, where they pour a little bit of cold cow excretion over what is essentially oatmal (with some raisins, nuts, cornflakes) - HORRIBLE, you end up with a totally dehydrated brick in your gut, it puts you into a digestive coma, unless of course your extra strong coffee can get you through it. this is why i always shunned oatmeal/müsli, until when i learned to do it properly: with enough boiling water. choose soft oats, if you want to get away with soaking them in boiled water. tough oats remain indigestible this way. they would require a longer boiling. i assume everyone in america knows this, but here, nobody eats cooked “oatmeal”, traditionally.

oatmeal is terribly high in fat - 16% of calories coming from fat - 7g of fat on 100g - not ideal for weight maintenance, even less for weight loss. 

now you may be thinking you could just reduce the caloric density by adding in something harmonizing like little bits of carrot. but do the math. fat is so terribly dense in calories, it*s not funny! in order to bring down the fat content of an oat-meal below 10% for normal weight maintenance or below 7% for being ripped like a long term fruitarian, you would have to add so many carrots, that meal would be “carrots sprinkled with some oats“. not appealing, right? so the way to get along with oats and be on the save side, regarding weight management: have a bunch of days of raw food or really low fat foods and one odd day of eating oatmeal. or do radical intermittent fasting with strong caloric restriction and use a controlled amount of oats in the evening for a partial carb refilling.

what i like about oatmeal: it is prepared more quickly than rice, which helps me to not panic and prepare and eat an overly large portion, since i could just make a second portion of oatmeal in two minutes, if it turns out i am still hungry.

oatmeal is also how i save money so i can buy a smartphone and upload pictures of food to a tumblr that nobody reads.

oatmeal seems less acidic and mucus forming than rice? not sure about that though. it's probably just because i eat it with much more water.

oat meal contains opioids, similar to wheat. this is at least my believe based on my symptoms, not something i researched. how i am affected depends on circumstances though. this is always the case with drugs like this. even with sugar. experiments show that happy mice, who get to play and get laid and all that, would rather just drink pure water, but unhappy socially isolated mice will get addicted to the water that is laced with opium, or whatever the drug in the experiment was. (i recommend you check out dr. gabor mate, if you are interested in understanding any kind of addiction) its similar with food addictions: a stimulation is especially problematic relative to a physiological depression. what causes addictive behavior is the strong imbalances, ups and downs, instability. a deeper ocean can handle waves more elegantly, than the shallow coast water. there were times when some oatmeal affected me like a drug, i could write a trip report, they would give me an episode of being blissed out followed by an episode of being extremely depressed. this was during my carb-abundance-hypothesis-testing (=overeating, “smashing it in”) period.

nowadays i don't notice a problem, a depressing come down, but i do notice a bit of a pleasing but sedating high. there may also be an element of getting used to something though. as with coffee. the first coffee after long abstinence hits you entirely different, compared to the daily coffee.

so next to bread rolls, oatmeal is the only form of grain i still consume as a sort of back up option. its an addiction, but i can overcome addictions if i want to. i just choose to tolerate this one, given that i simply can't afford much of what little unripe food is available here, apart from cheap bananas and raisins, especially not, if i try to save money for something else. the harder i fantasize about becoming fully raw, the more scared another part of my mind becomes of being deprived of nutrition, of starvation - a diet of bananas and raisins is not ideal -  and then i binge eat calories and gain weight. it’s important to stay relaxed and take circumstances into account. you can’t just dickhead a paradigmatic change into existence, you need to do all the footwork, take care of all details. for me this would imply that i would have to go and earn more money, so i can be fully raw. sorry, not going to happen right now. it conflicts with my need for social freedom/psychological autonomy. would have to learn a new way of relating to people first. everything is connected, unfortunately.

i shall collect more experience with millet some day ... millet and quiona are said to be much less acidic. i could feel that, when i tried millet once. that did not stop me from getting throat ache right afer this meal. but that was mainly due to overeating and not just this one meal. still, i am slightly phobic about millet right now.

by the way, those matchbox cars are an integral part of what i am, which is potentially everything. we are not simply 9 or 10 or 11 years old, we are 9 AND 10 AND 11 years old ... sure, conditioning can cause much suffering, if it disconnects us from all creativity of the present moment, but so long as i don’t eat my matchbox cars, i think i am doing just fine.