#i am trying to meet all the deadlines even tho i barely know how to operate in those systems

[martinskiseyes]

i wish my only response to a conflict wasn't giving up

[fantastic-bby]

ATEEZ vs. college

Pairing: - 

Genre: Headcanon 

Word count: 1.7k

Warnings: Swearing

Masterlist

Hongjoong 

Fine arts major with performing arts minor

Has a slightly scuffed sleep schedule but it’s decent

But has a routine that he follows most of the time 

Always on time for class and pays attention like his life depends on it

Gets teased by Mingi a lot 

Shares an apartment with Seonghwa 

Covered the apartment in cute DIYs bcs he wants to make the place more homely

Spends his money on artisan coffee at the overpriced café on campus 

Teacher’s assistant 

He’s very patient when it comes to tutoring students

President of the performing arts club and is usually the director for plays bcs the professor in charge trusts him a lot

Usually sticks to traditional scripts but likes to go a little bit more original whenever he feels like it

Uses the same tote bag everyday (one he made himself)

Dresses in whatever he’s made himself because he thinks they’re cute and he wants everyone to see his creations

Has to wake the others up for class he complains that it’s annoying but he still does it even though no one asks him to

Practically lives in the fine arts building bcs he’s there all the damn time until he has to go home

Finishes his assignments on time 

“Hwa, is this cute?”

“Okay”

“That’s not an answer, asshole”

Seonghwa

Language and literature major 

Is the only one with a good sleep schedule

Has a routine he sticks to

Never late to classes but zones out sometimes when he’s really bored

Has to wake Hongjoong up whenever he pulls all nighters studying for tests

Works at the library because it’s quiet and he moves around a lot which gives him a lot of alone time 

Has to kick Yunho out a lot

Drinks expensive artisan coffee with Joong

Part of the nature club and has plants all over the apartment bcs he thinks they light up the place

Everyday is a different bag and all of them are super stylish and also seem to hold everything

Has to bring around things like tissues, bandaids, water bottles bcs he cares for his friends

Dresses well all the time even if he wakes up late 

Part of the campus heartthrob line

The entire campus fawns over him even the single professors

Spends most of his time reading books wherever he’s comfortable usually the park or whatever bench is the most calming

Finishes his assignments early and submits them early

“But hyuuuuuung”

“Yunho, if you don’t get your loud ass out of here—” 

Yunho

Nutrition major with a dance minor

Does not have a fixed sleep schedule, he sleeps whenever he pleases 

His routine is nonexistent

He does whatever he wants whenever he wants but actually isn’t that reckless

He just doesn’t really have a routine

Late to class and also doesn’t seem to be paying attention because he’s preoccupied with a funny meme that Mingi sent him

Is usually the first to be awoken by Joong and always waits for his hyung to hang up because he doesn’t want to accidentally cut him off mid-sentence

Shares an apartment with Mingi

Drinks convenience store coffee 

Sometimes he visits the library just to tease Hwa usually gets kicked out by said man because he’s being loud

Works part time at a bakery where the owner hired him because she thought he was really sweet

President of the swimming club

Has one bag for everyday use and it’s the same black backpack with random pins on it

Wears cute fuzzy sweaters when it’s not hot and wears plain t shirts when it’s too hot for sweaters

Spends his time at the swimming pool with Mingi

Finishes his assignments right before the deadline

“Yunho, darling, how long have the muffins been in the oven?”

“Uhm…”

Yeosang

Computer science major

Does not give a single flying fuck

Sleeps whenever he wants

Does whatever he wants

No one ever sees him in class but he still gets good grades

Drinks at least 4 cups of cheap coffee everyday which makes everyone wonder how his heart is still alive

Even though he sleeps at any time, he always wakes up on time and never answers Hongjoong’s morning calls because he thinks it’s funny

Shares an apartment with Wooyoung 

He has a job but no one knows what it is because he’s never told anyone they just know it’s something he does online

Usually has to wake Wooyoung up

He just walks into his room and repeatedly calls his name until he wakes up leaves if Woo doesn’t wake up at all

Uses a simple black backpack with nothing on it 

No one on campus really knows anything about him because he strictly sticks to his circle of friends and no one ever sees him on campus unless he’s at club events or meetings

President of the robotics club 

Spends all of his time in his room when he’s not on campus

Dresses in smart casual outfits (blazers, slacks, sneakers, t shirts) 

Is never seen doing his assignments but he still manages to finish them on time 

“Woo, look  this robot I made”

“Holy shit, that’s so cool!”

“Be careful with it!” 

San 

Majors in dance 

Also kinda doesn’t give a fuck 

Shares an apartment with Jongho 

Has the most fucked up sleep schedule 

He sleeps at like 7 pm right after classes and wakes up at 3 am (like his brain is programmed on another time zone)

Picks up Joong’s morning call whenever he feels like it

Comes to class on the dot but sometimes just doesn’t show up at all

President of the dance club 

Drinks whatever coffee he can get his hands on

Spends most of his time in the public dance studio and sometimes rents the private rooms because he wants alone time 

Dresses in t shirts and sweats because he wants to be comfy

Is part of the campus heartthrob line 

The girls, the gays and the theys are in love with him and love watching him dance

Volunteers at the local pet shelter because he wants to spend time with the cats 

Likes to go to invite himself into WooSang’s apartment where he bothers Yeosang who pretends he’s not there because he couldn’t care less 

Doesn’t have a bag 

He manhandles his laptop all over the place because he really doesn’t care that much his laptop is a beast tho it handles all the shit San puts it through

Finishes his assignments whenever he wants

“San, you should be nicer to your laptop”

“It’s fineeee” 

Mingi

Medicine major 

Doesn’t ever seem to sleep 

Like ever

Disappears and reappears out of nowhere most of the time

Whenever he disappears, no one really knows where he is and he never picks up calls everyone thinks he’s finally sleeping

Because he’s always awake, Yunho always comes into his room to see Mingi either vibing or literally doing anything but sleep

Comes to class but is always doing something else

Prefers tea over coffee 

Always picks up Joong’s morning calls and greets him really loudly just to bully him 

Part of the swimming club with Yunho 

Works part time at the music studio because he likes being able to use the studios when there’s no bookings

Barely has to try to get good grades bcs his brain is so sexy big

Always filled with energy 

Is also really strong and quite unaware of his strength 

Dresses in v casual baggy clothes and always looks really comfortable

Uses his height to tease Joong and holds his coffee above his head 

Playfully wrestles Jongho regularly

Has a cute orange messenger bag that he uses all the time 

Finishes his assignments minutes before the deadline

“Whoever holds their breath the longest wins”

“Mingi, we’re not five”

“I don’t care, Yun. It’s fucking fun”

Wooyoung

Culinary major

Is always asleep 

Bothers Yeosang during the day 

Has a very relaxed routine that he somewhat sticks to

Likes to break into Yeo’s room to bother him but usually gets a book thrown at him 

Wakes up to Joong’s morning call but likes to go back to sleep afterwards

Always in class but no one knows whether or not he’s paying attention

The neighbours know when he’s laughing but he doesn’t care because he’s happy 

Works part time at a café 

Refuses to give discounts to any of his friends because he tells them he won’t get money that way except for Yeosang bcs he has a soft spot for his best friend

Vice president of the dance club 

Dresses in casual layers (t shirts, loose button ups, jeans, sneakers)

Part of the hearthrob line

The girls, the gays and the theys love his laugh

Likes to drag San out of his apartment to do anything 

Has a cute pastel backpack that he takes a lot of care of bcs he loves it 

Spends most of his time in the culinary building bcs he wants to learn new recipes so that he can cook for his friends 

Does his assignments last minute and has missed the deadline a couple of times

“Yeosang, try this” 

“Mmm, can I spit it out?”

“You fucking—” 

Jongho

Sports major with a vocal minor 

Also has a decent sleep schedule 

Drinks only coffee and protein 

Doesn’t have a routine unless it involves him going to the gym 

Early to class and pays attention most of the time

Wakes up on time so he answers Joong’s morning call just to say hi to both of his hyungs

Works as a personal trainer at the on-campus gym because he likes helping people work out

Asks San to sit on his back while he does push ups at home

The two of them are always working out together 

President of the wrestling club and the entire campus absolutely fears him 

Always wins wrestles against Mingi but only because he knows more technique Mingi thinks it’s not fair

His love language is aggression

Likes to playfully bully his friends to the point where even they’re slightly scared of him

Dresses casually 

Has a dark blue backpack that he’s had for years and is in need of a replacement

Spends most of his time at the gym or just working out in general if he’s not practicing singing

Finishes his assignments a day before the deadline 

“Make sure you’re not using your back when you’re lifting things”

“Dude, I don’t even know what muscles I use when I walk”

“You’ll figure it out” 

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki SSL Store Bonus Drama CD 《Their Youth~ Student Council Helper Episode～》

....Why are people subscribing to me on youtube? like i get that people subscribe for the otome stuff i translate and subtitle (which i only really do so that i can have a copy of it for myself), but i don’t really think that people should be subscribing if they expect more Gokushufudou content since I don’t have anything else that I can or want to translate for that series....

anyway, this is my translation of the 薄桜鬼SSL -sweet school life- いまじんWEBショップ特典ドラマCD「彼らの青春 ～生徒会助っ人編～」 drama. I was only able to obtain the audio for this from a certain site that doesn’t allow for sharing... so I am unable to put anything else out for this... unless someone shares the audio and an image with the cd and their username or w/e on it (alternatively, if it shows up on bilibili or something then i’ll be able to use that), though I will edit it when i make my own subtitles for this. lol. sorry but not sorry?

anyway, enjoy~  image used is from suruga-ya.

Hakuoki SSL Store Bonus Drama CD 《Their Youth~ Student Council Helper Episode～》

Translation by KumoriYami

Yamzaki: The private school, Hakuo Gakuen. The school we attend, based on the school principal, Kondou-sensei's, intentions, we adhere to his educational policy of "becoming warriors with indomitable spirit", not just while learning and when participating in club activities, but while also working harder for the community, or so it should be.... but there are always exceptions to everything in the world.

--------

Hakuoki SSL Store Bonus Drama CD 《Their Youth~ Student Council Helper Episode～》

 --------

(knocks)

Yamazaki: Excuse me, is Hijikata-sensei here?

Hijilata: Oh? It's Yamazaki. What is it?

 Yamazaki: Sanan-sensei asked me to bring these materials over to you. 

Hijikata: So it was like that. Thanks. By the way, Yamazaki....... Do you have a moment right now? 

Yamazaki. yes. I'm not doing anything right now.

Hijikata: In that case, sorry...... can you go to the student council to do something? Today Amagiri and Shiranui both happened to take the take the day off today, and there apparently is insufficient manpower on hand. 

Yamazaki: The student council.......is it......?

 Hijikata: Uh, the average person would react like that... I've already asked several people before asking you, and as soon as they heard "student council," they immediately ran away.

Yamazaki: I can sympathize with those students. because I am not really good at dealing with the student council president. 

 Hijikata: When it comes to that guy, I believe that if you searched the entire world, that you wouldn't find many people good at dealing with him. Nothing can be done though, I'll go help this time...

Yamazaki: Wha...!? How can Hijikata-sensei personally attend to this matter! In that case, I'll go help the student council!

Hijikata: Can you? To be frank, this is a chore.

Yamazaki: A gentleman's word is his bond!

 Hijikata: Then I'll leave it to you.... But if something goes wrong, you need to immediately report to me. 

Yamazaki: Yes! I'll be going to the student council room now!

(Yamazaki leaves)

Hijikata; Yamazaki is too straightforward... I hope he doesn't overdo it...

(student council room)

Yamazaki: (knocks on door) Excuse me. I'm the second year, Yamazaki. Hijikata-sensei entrusted me to help you.

Kazama: By Hijikata? Che, he's meddling into other people's business/can't mind his own business. He most likely coaxed you into helping, but whatever the case, if you think you can help, I will provide you this opportunity.

 Yamazaki: (Obviously he's in the position of receiving a favour, but why he so overbearing/arrogant?!)

Kazama: Did you say something? 

Yamazaki: I didn't say anything! Returning to the topic/Anyway, what can I help you with?

Kazama: here, put these clothes on first. 

Yamazaki:...What's with this collar and Japanese-style school uniform?! Our school's official uniform is a suit/Western-style clothes. 

Kazama: This uniform is of the same style as Amagiri's uniform. Although it's only temporary, you'll need it to wear this is you are to complete the student council's work [gave up rewording all of this].

Yamazaki: Even so! Modifying the uniform goes against the school rules... 

 Kazama: Hey! As student council president, I am saying that there are no problems! I am the school rules! 

Yamazaki: (How did such a person become the Student Council president?)

 Kazama: Good, now that you understand, hurry up and change clothes in the dressing room, then get to work.

Yamazaki: ( No other choice but to resign myself.... [tl uses an idiom that can mean "submit to hte will of the heavens," "resign (oneself to fate)," or to "leave it to luck"]) Understood!

(door opens)

Hijikata: Oi, Kazama! you there?

Kazama: It turns out it was Hijikata. What brings you here? If you want to leave please turn right and head straight.

Hijikata: Someone just came in, why are you already trying to chase them away! I was just worried about Yamazaki, so I came to check on him. 

Kazama: Yes. Then if you're done, hurry up and leave.

Hijikata: You bastard.... Anyway, where is Yamazaki?! I don't see him...

(door opens)

Yamazaki: Kazama-senpai, excuse me. I've finished changing clothes...

Hijikata:……Yamazaki?!

Kazama: Hrm. As expected, people rely on clothes [clothes do make the man? or clothes bring out a person? can't exactly think of an equivalent right now tho]. Such an appearance is barely passable. 

Hijikata: Wait a moment! What's with that strange uniform?!

Kazama: This is a custom-made uniform made for the student council. Since he's helping the student council, isn't it common sense to dress like this?

Hijikata: What common sense! That clearly violates the school rules... 

 Yamzaki: It's fine, Hijikata-sensei... 

Hijikata: Nn?

Yamazaki: I'll think of this as a a work uniform! Anyway, Kazama-senpai, about the content of that work...

Kazama: Che, don't tell me that you aren't able to do unless you receive orders from me? It's such a waste that you are unable to understand your superior's mind, and require someone to explain everything to you so that you can act. 

Yamazaki:...!!

Hijikata: I'm afraid that if you searched the entire world, the only person who would be able to understand your mind, would be Amagiri?!

Kazama: No choice then. I shall mercifully/gracefully provide instructions to those that are stupid. There will be a meeting to pay for club activities/budget meeting for all of the clubs tomorrow. However, only a handful of reports have been submitted, and what has been isn't sufficient to be used as materials/ a reference to approve of the clubs' expenses. In other words, you should go investigate for me to see if all of the club activities are actually being held. 

Yamazaki: Understood! Which clubs [tl is for "department] do I need to investigate?

Kazama: Needless to say, it's all the clubs within Hakuo Gakuen. The deadline is today.

Hijikata: Don't be so forceful [ridiculous!]!! Have you even thought about how many clubs there are at this school?!

Kazama: Amagiri and Shiranui would complete this within an hour, which this trivial matter cannot be considered a problem. If this can't be done, I won't force it. This only proves to me that you do not have a good eye for talent from the help you recommended to me, Hijikata [gave up rewording after 8 times].

Yamazaki:...I understand. I will certainly be able to investigate all of the clubs today!

Kazama: When the moment comes, don't go back on your word. This is a list of all the clubs at Hakuo Gakuen. 

 Yamazaki: The total number of clubs at Hakuo Gakuen is... 108?!

----------

(footsteps)

 HIjikata: Ah... it's been a while since Yamazaki darted out of the student council room... Is he really okay? I hope he didn't get involved in anything strange...

 Yamazaki: L-Let go of me! I, I hate this sort of thing!! 

Hijikata: Nn? 

 Yamazaki: Even if you say that you can't understand the specifics of this club without personally trying it, I don't want to do this...!!! Let go of me!!!

Hijikata; That voice just now.... Yamazaki? (runs over) Oi! Yamazaki!

---------

(bouncing sound [haven't listened to this drama in a while so this might not be accurate, tho the tl does say bouncing])

???: Ah....... Hijikata-sensei......

Hijikata: Oi! What's with this huge stuffed animal?!

Yamazaki: It's me! Yamazaki!

Hijikata: A-ah..... nn, nn.... I, I can hear your voice..... but, but what I hear doesn't sound like the Yamazaki I recognize...! 

Yamazaki: That's because of this [i think?]! I am the genuine Yamazaki! I'm just wearing this costume! Ah... sorry to trouble you, but can you please help me pull the back zipper down?

 Hijikata: Ye-Yeah...

Yamazaki: Hah... finally escaped from that...!

Hijikata: You... why were you dressed like that?! 

Yamazaki: Because.... when I went to the costume club, their members said they just finished these clothes, and that I had to try it on....

Hijikata:....Those animal overalls are part of a costume?

Yamazaki: No matter what happens, I never want to come back to the costume club!! But... normally I wouldn't have such a chance, and after seeing it with my own eyes, I now know that there are many clubs at our school.

Hijikata: That's because when Kondou-san was thinking about club establishment, he said to respect the individuality of the students. As long as the activities' content and purpose are clearly stated, provided that they aren't bad, and if the number of club members reaches a certain level, any club can be established.

Yamazaki: I think, by using the costume club as an example, there are actually quite a lot of informal clubs... 

Hijikata: It seems that it will be necessary to re-examine those clubs in the future.... Anyway, which club are you going to next?

Yamazaki: The mountaineering club. Judging from the club's name, the content of the activities should be straightforward. To be honest, I feel relieved. 

 Hijikata: No, that club... 

Yamazaki: Then, I'll be going there as fast as I can. I'll be taking my leave first! 

(Yamazaki leaves)

Hijikata: Eh... I remember they were supposed to go climbing today.... Going back to their activities, isn't mountaineering difficult [tl for mountaineering can be interpreted as "climbing," "to climb a mountain," and "mountaineering."]?!

------------------

 Yamazaki: (All sorts of problems kept on occurring after that during the inspection. The drama club was infected with an influenza virus [no idea how else to reword that right now], and all of their members were sick so I was unable to investigate their activities in detail; I wasted time at the kendo club because of Okita-kun's pranks; the mime club didn't speak during their activities, which resulted in even the most basic communication not being achievable... Will it really be possible for me to inspect all of the clubs today?)

-------------

(knocking)

 Hijikata: Oi, Kazama! I'm coming in. 

Kazama: Hijikata. It's really rude for someone to enter without being given my permission. 

Hijikata: Didn't I knock and say greetings in advance? It's almost the end of the school day, is Yamazaki back yet?

 Kazama: Not yet. I thought he was a bit capable, but I apparently underestimated him. 

Hijikata: I believe in him. Although he has a tendency to overdo things and often fails to get the key points, once he makes up his mind, he will surely be able to complete any task.

Kazama: Hrm~ that's the same as someone else/you're two peas in a pod. That being the case, let's bet. 

Hijikata: I'm not interested in betting with students. But if we were betting, I'd bet that Yamazaki will be able to accomplish his task. 

Kazama: Then I will bet that he did everything in vain/will be useless. 

HIjikata: I won't feel sorry for you if you lose. 

Kazama: Hmph. Don't steal my words. Look at the time, the school bell will be ringing soon. 

(Running then a door opens)

 Yamazaki: (gasping) Inspections on the club activities... it's all done.... hah....

Hijikata: That's great! Well done, Yamazaki!

Kazama: Che......

 Yamazaki: Hu..... Thank..... you..... (collapses)

 Hijikata: Oi oi!! Are you okay?! 

 Yamazaki: I..... I'm..... fine......

Kazama: Really, I'm blaming you for messing up all of the materials.... Nn?

Hijikata: What are those documents?

Kazama: They seem to be reports on the club activities.

Hijikata: Ha?! Didn't Yamazaki write the reports for that?!

 Kazama: Nn. These are all...

Hijiikata:....Oi! That can't be....!!

Kazama: It looks like Amagiri wrote yesterday. But he actually tossed them into the piles of documents of here, which resulted in no one knowing that he had written such reports. 

Yamazaki: What.....!!

Hijikata: That......!!

Kazama: Hmph. It looks like I won, Hijikata. All his efforts turned out to be worthless.

Yamazaki: Ho-How is that possible...!!

Hijikata: You're not feeling even the slightest bit guilty, are you even even speaking as a human?! This is all your student council's fault!!

 Kazama: Hmph. Go and complain to Amagiri.

Hijikata: You need to take responsibility for the lack of supervision! Besides, what the hell were you doing when Yamazaki was running around everywhere complete that task?! If you were doing a good job, you should have been able to notice this!! 

Kazama: Of course I'm working. My job is to complete the ambitious project called "Writing down all of My Wife's 100's Strengths/Virtues/Good Qualities"! These forms took me a week to complete and it is a magnificent written masterpiece! 

Hijikata: You bastard... you were doing something this stupid while Yamazaki was struggling!

 Kazama: What are you barking about? What's more important than this?

Yamazaki: I tore it up to show you————!! [im guessing this is more "i pushed myself" or "I'm going to tear that up." probably the latter]

Kazama: Nn? What do you think? Do you want to look at it? Although your efforts were futile, I will mercifully/graciously acknowledge your actions. Alright, I'll lett you look. But you have have to treat it carefully.

Yamazaki: I'm blaming this for what happened—!!! (tears up Kazama's documents)

Kazama: Stop that! My week of hard work! Hi-Hijikata! Why are you grabbing me?!

Hijikata: You reap what you sow! Obediently accept reality!! 

Kazama: My priceless masterpiece———!!!

~END~

got ME:LE working last weekend... and omg it’s like a walk down memory lane lol. finished the first game though im going to have to do an insanity playthrough for the achievement later. 

[joshuas]

christmas spirit

♫ pairing: park jinyoung x reader

♫ genre: slice-of-life, crack,  fluff

♫ word count: 2.9k

♫ warnings: Nil of note!

♫ summary: After a disastrous Secret Santa event two years ago, Park Jinyoung and you had carried an intense rivalry throughout the years. Will the christmas spirit be enough to mend your fractured relationship?

♫ a/n: I’m excited to finally post my first Christmas drabble of the month, with none other than Park Jinyoung as my muse. A little forewarning - a lot of these oneshots have at least some crack concept behind it (at my friends’ requests). Enjoy!

“You’re such a Scrooge, Y/N. Purposely working on Christmas? What have you gotten against “unnecessary gathering of extended family to awkwardly talk about what’s happened in your life, and being constantly hounded to get married by family members that you barely know, and exchange presents with people that have probably gotten you the same thing every year”? You barely show any Christmas spirit.” Your friend, Mina, scoffed, watching you get ready for work. “Okay, first of all, that was a direct quote so everything is wrong with what you just said, since it was literally my argument as to why family Christmas gatherings with extended family is dumb, and yes I do! Look at my scarf! It’s red.” You defended. “Christmas colours are red and green.” She rolled her eyes. “What kind of Christmas spirit are you talking about then?” You raised your eyebrows, placing your hands on your hips. “Oh you know. That hallmark Christmas movie magic - random acts of kindness to strangers, carolling, making dinner for someone who doesn’t have anyone to celebrate the holidays with.” She said dreamily. “Yeah, no. That sounds like a lot of effort and requires talking to randoms.” You said disgustedly. “Well then, I dare you to be kind to the first person that enters your workplace, if you’re so deadset against helping out ‘randoms’.” She smirked. “...fine. But joke’s on you. I doubt anyone will be working on Christmas.” You waved your hand dismissively, grabbing your car keys. “We’ll see.” She smiled mischievously.

Work was extremely quiet, as expected. No one had come in, all opting to spend time with their families over actually getting stuff done. With deadlines in place straight after Christmas, you felt it was your duty, as assistant manager, to support your fellow colleagues in actually being able to meet that deadline. Another, more motivating aspect for you, was wiping the smirk off the other assistant manager, Park Jinyoung’s smug face. You hummed, typing away, “That sentence makes no sense.” A voice taunted over your shoulder. You turned, coming face to face with... speak of the devil... Park. Jinyoung. Even saying his name made your nose crinkle in disgust. Being probably one of the most irritating, hopelessly obnoxious perfectionists this world has ever seen, he was constantly getting on your nerves. You opened your mouth, then shut it instantly, remembering what Mina had dared you to do. Biting back a snarky remark, you fixed your face into a placated, polite smile, “Oh. Jinyoung. Are you the only one in today?” Please don’t be. Please don’t be. Tell me at least one person walked through the doors before you. He scoffed, “What? No comeback? I think you’re going soft on me, Y/N. And of course no one’s coming in today. No one’s as much as a workaholic as you.” You raised your eyebrows, “Speak for yourself. I’ve never seen you come in on a holiday. Don’t you usually hang out with your girlfriend or something?” Something flashed in his eyes, before returning to a blank, guarded expression, “I- You know how much I love to one-up you, Y/N. I’m not here for you. I’m here to beat you.” He sat down in his cubicle beside yours, turning on his desktop. “So... how did you know I was here?” You raised your eyebrows questioningly. “Mina told me.” He said without glancing from his computer screen. “I don’t understand how she’s friends with someone like you.” You muttered, typing away at your report. “What?” Jinyoung screwed his face up in annoyance. “I said—“ be nice, Y/N, “I said would you like a coffee? I was going to make some for myself. Tell me how you want yours made.” You internally groaned as he actually considered what you were saying. “I’ve literally never seen you use the coffee machine. Who’s to say that you won’t poison me?” He said dubiously. “I’ve used a coffee machine before. It shouldn’t be too different.” You said defensively. “...Alright, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and say yes — just black coffee for me.” He leaned back against his chair. You reluctantly got up, forcing a nod and a small smile as you entered the break room.

Turns out the machine was a lot more different than the simple maker you had at home. Wasting half an hour on trying to figure out how to turn on the machine itself, you were seconds away from tossing it in the bin as Jinyoung sauntered up to you, reaching from behind you to flick the power switch on. Swallowing back an irritated remark, you gritted your teeth, painfully expressing your gratitude, “Thanks.” “Now, a thank you? What has the world come to? Are you okay?” He placed his hand against your forehead, “Are you sure you should have come into work today?” You delicately plucked his hand away, “As much as I appreciate your concern for my well-being, I’m perfectly fine and should probably be getting back to work.” “But what about the coffee?” He said, puzzled. “You’re obviously more qualified than me to work the coffee machine, so you can make your own!” You flashed him a grin, patting him on the back as you exited the room.

A steaming cup of coffee was placed in front of you, “I figured you probably still wanted a coffee. You like mochas, right?” You looked at him in surprise, slightly touched by the kind gesture, “Oh! Um. Thank you.” You sipped at the coffee, the warm liquid heating your insides. “It’s okay... wow that was weird to say to you... no comment on how bad it was? Whether I poisoned you?” He looked at you quizzically. “Well— it’s not too bad.” You swallowed your pride back down, allowing him just this one compliment.

The two of you had this rivalry as soon as you entered the firm. Being the ones pitted against each other since being interviewed for a position, as you went up the ranks, Jinyoung was always there. You were almost certain that your work colleagues had helped maintain this rivalry, purely for entertainment purposes. At first, the two of you were pretty civil... until your first annual Secret Santa event, where you both had each other.

[2 years ago] ‘...and now I’ve just been rambling. Basically, what I’m trying to ask is... will you go out with me? Who am I kidding, you probably won’t even read this...’ You crossed out the last sentence, adding the finishing touches to your note in Jinyoung’s present. You wrapped it carefully before heading to work, nerves eating away at you as you went over 100 different ways that Jinyoung would react to your confession. Get a grip, Y/N.

“Who do you have for Secret Santa, Jinyoung?” A gaggle of girls (who had an office pool going for who he had) surrounded the guy, hounding him for an answer on who it may be, and what he bought. “You know, asking him who he has basically defeats the purpose of Secret Santa.” You raised your eyebrows at them as they approached you and your colleagues in the courtyard. Jinyoung flashed you a grateful smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners, as the group of girls dissipated in annoyance. Your stomach fluttered. He was kinda adorable when he smiled. As the gift giving pursued, it soon came your turn. Smoothing down your clothes, you picked up your carefully parcelled gift, placing it carefully in Jinyoung’s arms. Slightly in shock of this revelation, he opened his present, eyes lightening up in excitement as he saw your gift. “Y/N! This— wow. How did you get this?” He gazed at you in wonderment. “Well, a couple of weeks ago you were a little bit upset about missing out on grabbing tickets for a certain author’s book signing. To be honest, it was purely coincidental... I actually really love that series too, and managed to grab tickets. So, I decided to buy you a signed copy of the latest edition.” You explained, blood rushing to your cheeks as everyone gathered around to see his present. He stood up, giving you a quick hug, “Thank you. This is probably the best Christmas gift I’ve gotten.” He whispered in your ear before returning to his seat. “So... Jinyoung, who did you have?” One of your coworkers questioned, looking curiously at the circular shaped present beside him. “Well... I actually had Y/N.” He placed the gift in your hands, his tone slightly laced with nervousness. Curious, you unwrapped the gift to reveal... a stress ball? Not gonna lie, that’s a pretty disappointing gift, considering what you gave him. Your coworkers teased and taunted, “Ooh Jinyoung, are you trying to say something to Y/N?” “What? That they’re a stress head? We all know that. Heck, they should know that.” “Haha... yeah. That’s exactly what I was going for.” Jinyoung said resignedly, trying to scope out your reaction and grab your attention. Dragging your gaze to his, you squeezed the ball, ignoring the unusual hardness within it (great, not only was it a cheap present, it was also faulty?), forcing a small but bitter smile, “Thanks, Jinyoung.” Of course he wasn’t any different to the rest of your toxic colleagues. You ignored the bitterness blossoming in your heart, tears burning in your eyes, as you excused yourself from the courtyard. Mentally cursing yourself as you thought back to what you had written at the end of the book, you prayed he’d never read it. After all, something like that could never happen now. Any feelings you had for Park Jinyoung had been replaced with resentment.

You weren’t one to get too upset over materialistic things like that, but after analysing every other gift he had gotten your fellow coworkers, regardless of the occasion, you felt as though he had been to stingy, perhaps because he disliked you. Perhaps, it also showed how fickle you feelings were for him, but you didn’t care too much about that. And so, the slightly unhealthy rivalry began.

After working solidly for a couple of hours, your stomach grumbled. Jinyoung glanced at you,

“Hungry already?”

Really? He was judging you over your bodily functions? “Of course not.” You turned back to your computer, ignoring further pleas from your stomach. “Y/N. I wasn’t saying that to judge you. I’m hungry too. How about we both head out to the courtyard to take a breather?” He rolled his eyes, and grabbed his lunch, heading for the door, glancing at you expectantly.

The two of you sat in silence on the bench, quietly munching at your food. “Do you remember when we used to do Secret Santa out here?” He asked, glancing at you. “Mhm...” You clenched your jaw. “Your gift still triumphs as the best Christmas I’ve ever gotten. I’ve re-read that book more than any one I own.” He smiled softly, recalling the memory. You almost choked on your sandwich, “You read the book?” “Well... that’s generally what you do when you get a book.” “The whole book?” You pleaded silently for him to answer in the negative. “From cover to cover.” He nodded. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Sensing the silence, he spoke tentatively, “I read your note, as well.” You covered your face with your hands, refusing to interact with him. “...and—“ “And nothing! What you read was just— just an illusion!” You blurted out, about to bolt. “Wait, Y/N. That day. That day was so confusing.” He grabbed your hand lightly, imploring you to sit down again. “Confusing how? As far as I’m concerned, you got me a stress ball for Christmas because I was too much of a stress-head.” Your tone defensive as you crossed your arms. “Wait— so you never found it?” His eyes widened in realisation. “Found what?” You said, annoyed at his cryptic tone. “Do you still have the stress ball?” He asked, impatient. “Yeah, I think it’s in one my desk drawers.” You said uneasily. “Wait here, I’ll grab it.” “But I don’t want you to go through my... okay never mind...” A couple of minutes later, he came back, stress ball... and a knife. You glanced concerningly between the two objects as he cut a square of the stress ball off, taking out a small box. “You seriously couldn’t feel this within it?” He asked incredulously. “Well to be honest, I was more upset at the fact that you got me a stress ball when you got other people better gifts... like how you got Mina the tea set she was vying to get for a while... Also, how? How did you even think of putting a box in there? That’s— I don’t even know. The fact that you think someone would think of getting a knife to cut open a present someone has gifted them astounds me. To me, it just felt like a faulty gift.” You retorted defensively. “Obviously my creativity and quirkiness was lost on you, seeing how you thought I was cheap-skating your present. And, I got you a stress ball because you’re almost always clenching your hands! Yes, you stress, probably a lot more than half the people in this workplace, but I didn’t get you that to make fun of you. Clenching your fists a lot can cause stiffness in your fingers which could lead to rheumatoid arthritis [I’m no medical student but I did some research. Please don’t @ me if I’m wrong!] in the future. I don’t think you want to be paying off medical bills worth ten times the amount of that tea set for physical therapy. Besides, the actual gift is within this box.” He sighed exasperatedly, handing you the box. You opened the lid, revealing the most exquisite looking earrings, the gemstones glimmering under the sunlight. Written underneath the lid was a note, Y/N, I don’t really know where to start with this... but I really like you. Your work ethic constantly astounds me, the way you’re able to complete any task you set your mind to is a quality I wish I had. Not to mention your selflessness and kindness - the way you look out for our team and always go above and beyond what is expected is one of your most admirable qualities. So I hope this isn’t too forward of me, but I’d love to take you out for a date sometime. In fact, meet me at Glow Café at 9am tomorrow morning. I look forward to seeing you there. Whether you see me as a friend or share the same sentiments as me, I’d love your company. — Jinyoung P.S. I hope you like the earrings! I heard that they were your favourite colour :) You looked up at Jinyoung in shock, your heart warmed at the sincerity and kindness of his gift. “I—“ He broke you off, “It looks like we both had the same thing to confess back then. Perhaps if things had turned out differently, we’d be in a different situation to what we’re in now. But hey, we can’t fix the past, but we can change the future. And as much as I adore our banter, I’ve missed talking to you normally without sarcasm.” He held out his hand in a truce. You raised your eyebrows, impressed at his sudden maturity, “Look at you. I guess you’re actually starting to act like an assistant manager for our team. Is the Christmas spirit getting to you or something?” You shook his hand dubiously. “Ha ha. If we’re being completely honest, your sudden kindness did help bring things into perspective for me.” He pointed out. “Really? Wow, the Christmas spirit did get to you.” You laughed. “To be honest, I haven’t really been feeling the Christmas spirit since Yuna broke up with me.” He laughed bitterly. “She broke up with you? Why?” You asked incredulously. “She thinks I’m too much of a a workaholic.” “Welcome to my world...” you sighed. A silence fell over the two of you, as you contemplated in your head. “...So, you’re not spending Christmas with anyone?” He shook his head, looking dejectedly at the ground. Oh whatever. Do it, Y/N. Embrace the Christmas spirit. “Do you want to spend it with me?” You asked tentatively, “as friends. Obviously.” You added quickly. “Are you sure?” He asked, eyes wide. “Dead serious. I’m trying the no sarcasm thing, as you can see.” He laughed, “Okay. I’ll come. As a friend... Do I need to make anything beforehand? Do you need help with cooking? Do you know how to cook? I mean seeing how well you did with the coffee machine, I’m kind of concerned.” He questioned. “Slow down, Gordon Ramsey. Of course I know how to cook. I’m an adult, for God’s sake. And no, you don’t need to bring anything but yourself.” You smiled, standing up. “You speak so much about the Christmas spirit. But this. This is peak hallmark Christmas movie cliche.” He noted, lightly elbowing you. “I guess it is.” You shrugged your shoulders as the two of you went back to work, laughing and chatting away, as friends that had not seen each other in a while. Perhaps it was the Christmas spirit that had brought the two of you closer together. After all, the two of you spent many more Christmas’s together... not just as friends.

✿ masterlist!

[faejilly]

tag game

Fic Writer Edition (tagged by @silver-latin-and-salt​, tagging, idk, whoever is writing atm? @twistedsinews​ @leahazel​ @junemermaid​, anyone who’d like, no one who doesn’t, etc.)

Fandoms: atm, primarily Shadowhunters. But also BioWare: Dragon Age and Mass Effect and maybe someday I’ll post some Jade Empire.

Also the occasional other game or TV show or Yuletide inspired one-shot. It’s a wide and ridiculous range of things, from a Georgette Heyer regency epilogue to Code: Realize and #7kpp to Firefly & even some Sleepy Hollow ficlets from back in s1 before we realized how terrible TPTB were going to be.

Number of fics: I have 158 works published on AO3.

This includes a couple of fanmixes that are linked on there to companion fics/series, two collaborative fics which are not just mine, even less so than most writing that is, and four WIPs: two of which I am still working on, one of which will absolutely 100% NEVER ever get more, and then that last one will probably not get more but who knows, maybe in ten years we’ll do a reunion and try again (it’s one of the collabs).

AS WELL AS: forty-seven different ficlet collections, sorted by fandom and pairing(s), because otherwise I would honestly have almost 1000 things and never be able to find a single damn one of them when I wanted to (and neither would anyone else). Like, ten of them are just for Shadowhunters because I split up the coda-fic by season and then also I put the porn in its own thing and Clizzy is kind of a post-canon AU so they’re on their own too and spin-offs of a particular fic setting get their own collection so they’re all together and etc. etc. etc.

Fic I spent a lot of time on: Do we count time actually writing? Or just the amount of time it hung out in my head before I finished it? Because I probably spent the most actual physical writing time on Lost For Words, which is a frothy cotton-candy experiment in long-fic for Mass Effect that I posted chapter by chapter as I wrote it and actually finished. (I have never successfully repeated the experience, tho I suppose a couple of my Shadowhunters fics will sort-of qualify in terms of length when they’re done, but they didn’t get posted semi-regularly and in progressive chapters in at all the same way.)

In terms of time between debut and completion, that would probably have to go to Cruel Intentions, which took over five years between initially going up on the Dragon Age Kink Meme and actually getting a conclusion.

i am for you and if broken hearts were whole have both been lingering WIPs for over two years at this point now, though, and a couple other DA2 fics were pretty close to that five year mark as well. 😅

Fic I didn’t spend a lot of time on: ashes of angels because I was coming up on my bingo deadline so I just pounded it out in a day. (It’s actually quite good tho! I think so, anyway! I am very proud of it! Read part one first, if you haven’t yet!)

also Impossible, (DA2, Bethany/Sebastian, confessional!porn) which mostly wrote itself in pretty short order, which was delightful. (Tho I also had a very astute beta for that one; don’t think he’s on tumblr anymore tho, or I’d yell at him in thanks again.) I told y’all I had a priest!kink problem. Not that you hadn’t all noticed on your own, anyways...

Longest fic: Finished? The aforementioned Lost for Words at just over 62k.

In limbo? Persephone Rising is literally three times longer than my next longest fic (and still not done!) but it is also a collab fic with three authors, so I suppose that sort of evens out?

Active WIP? i am for you at 59k. I’m not sure how much more is left of that one, tbqh... it will probably end up a bit longer than LfW, tho maybe not by much.

Shortest fic: I have no fucking clue, 47 ficlet collections, remember? In terms of a thing that I forgot to collect, apparently it is Consequences, which is my Brosca after the Landsmeet in DA:O.

Most hits/Most kudos/Most bookmarks: ALL THREE FOR i am for you! (Wonder how it’ll do when it’s no longer marked as a WIP?)

Total word count: On AO3: 1,137,609 !!!

(Sorry, you can see why I had to make that big tho, right?)

Fic I want to rewrite/expand: Except for the revisions to what is now Maleficar, I much prefer to leave fic as is, once it’s up there, so nothing on the re-write front. It was what it was when I did it, and it’s important to remember that, even when you move on to new stuff, imo.

But! I have potential/hopeful sequels in the WIP folder for and breathing is wishing, out of some dreaming tree, with an if in its soul, and several assorted ficlet collections & prompts I’ve sort of teased over the years. 

Favourite fic of mine: At the moment, they have hung the sky with arrows because it’s a thing I’m not sure I ever really thought I was going to write, and then I did and I surprised myself a little, but it was fun and it ties together a lot of my thoughts on the Shadowhunters finale in a way I really enjoyed. (Also it has an actual plot! I don’t do that terribly often, I’m usually very introspective in my fic.)

Sneak peek of a WIP/Share an idea? I started a Shadowhunter!Magnus fic for a bingo square, but then scope creep! so I made a moodboard, but there is maybe a fic on the way... eventually. After my Bangs. 🤞🏻

The first time Magnus Bane met the High Warlock of Manhattan it was during his "travels", the two years after graduating from the Academy when most Nephilim wandered from Institute to Institute, seeing how things were done differently around the world, how they were still so often the same, learning about all the things you couldn't see in a classroom.

He wasn't actually in New York City in order to meet the High Warlock, of course, not as a 17-year-old foot soldier, that was well above his pay grade, as the mundanes put it. But when all the full-fledged Shadowhunters had work to do, he was assigned escort duty when the High Warlock showed up to do his yearly wards inspection. 

Magnus met High Warlock Lightwood at the main entrance, and almost swallowed his own tongue at the sight of him, a broad shouldered, long-legged white man dressed in a conservative but very well-tailored suit, with heavy eyebrows, even heavier eyelashes, and a complete and utter lack of anything resembling an expression on his face. 

A shiver went down Magnus' spine as he met the High Warlock's gaze, and he refused to think too much about why.

Magnus managed to introduce himself reasonably coherently, he thought, offering a hand to shake, but the High Warlock just raised an eyebrow at him. "I thought I'd talked them out of this nonsense last year."

"Uh." Magnus swallowed. The man was both terrifying and ludicrously attractive, and Magnus resigned himself to being a slightly stuttering idiot for the next four-to-six hours. "Not my call, I'm sorry to say. Sir."

The High Warlock rolled his eyes, and stepped forward. Magnus barely managed to dodge out of his way, and followed along behind him as he stalked towards the Angelic Core, where all the Institute Wards were anchored.

He never once acknowledged Magnus' presence as he worked, never asked for directions, or needed any sort of assistance. Magnus followed him anyway, and couldn't even bring himself to be upset about the waste of his time because damn, that view. He could see the shift of Lightwood's shoulders beneath the line of his coat, the tension in the muscles in his arms as each tiny motion correlated to whatever he was doing with his magic. There was so much power there, constrained and under his complete control.

The High Warlock never took so much as a wasted step in his clearly perfectly planned spiral of a route through the Institute's halls, circling out from the Core, stopping at each node, hitting all four corners of the building, before reaching the main doors again several hours later. 

Once there he finally turned and looked at Magnus directly. He dipped his head in some slight acknowledgement, straightened his cuffs, and his face shifted into something that was merely neutral and professional rather than granite. "There were no concerns to note, Mr. Bane. The wards have been refreshed, and the contract terms have been met."

"Thank you," Magnus managed, though he had to cough to get his voice to cooperate. 

The High Warlock's face softened, a hint of something that wasn't quite surprise in his eyes, but Magnus wasn't sure what to call it instead. "You're very welcome."

He nodded again, slightly more sincerely, perhaps, though there still wasn't enough of an expression on his face to properly qualify, in Magnus' opinion, and then he turned and left. 

Magnus blinked at the doors as they shut behind him, and let out one long slow exhale. His shoulders relaxed, and it was only now that his posture sagged that he realized he'd been extra tense the entire time, as if waiting for an attack that had never come.

[holographic-chogi]

Protector pt.4/?

Author: holographic-chogi

Pairing: fem!reader x stray kids

Rating: PG-13? idk how to rate things accurately so take this with a grain of salt

Warnings: swearing (mostly Changbin), graphic description of getting stitches, blood, and mention of guns (please let me know if I miss anything!)

A/N: Ayyyy I finally wrote the next part!! Plenty of dramatic boy action incoming. There’s all kinds of drama happening here. Also, I gave Minho a touch of sass towards the end there, I wanna stay realistic lmao. Also sorry everyone for the long wait times! Things have been a bit hectic on my end but I aim to release a part every 2 days? No promises tho we all know my record of sticking to these deadlines. 

Summary: a virus has wiped out most of humanity, and society has collapsed. People survive in groups where they live in constant fear and a struggle to survive. Women were the primary victim of the virus, leaving few behind. You are one of the few, kept in secret since the beginning. However, you’ve just been caught.

Masterlist 

You were limp in his arms as he sat you in a chair; a dazed look on your face. Before all of this, you’d been confined to “your room” at the prison, so you weren’t used to this kind of action. The young man left your gaze in a blur, and you could hear the faint sound of him calling out for Minho. Pity, you hope you didn’t wake him up. Your eyelids are heavy, and you can feel consciousness slipping away as you lean back, shutting your eyes.

Next thing you know, you jerk awake to a searing pain on your collarbone. A different man fell backwards from your jolt, barely stopping the vodka bottle in his hands from spilling. You immediately reach for the source of the pain, only for another hand to promptly pull yours away before it can touch the wound. You turn your head to see that the person who had saved you earlier was at your side, brows furrowed in worry. He simply locked eyes with you and shook his head, forbidding you from repeating the action, before setting your hand back down. Pulling you from your daze, the man from the floor spoke:

“Hi, Y/N right? My name’s Minho. I’m sorry if that hurt but I have to do it again. I wasn’t able to disinfect the whole wound.”

You glanced down and put two and two together. That dog had left a pretty nasty gash beneath your clavicle, they must be in the process of fixing it up, specifically pouring alcohol in the wound to prevent it getting infected. Explains the vodka bottle. You close your eyes, bracing for the pain as you nod your head, prompting him to continue.

You heard a voice from the man at your side, “I’m Hyunjin, by the way,” he paused. There was was something so calming about the way he spoke, so serene. He must be trying to distract you. “You did a good job fending off that dog. I was surprised you held him off that long.”

You could feel a hand on your shoulder, and then another blast of pain erupting from the wound. A pained whimper escaped your lips as you hunched over, tears forming in your eyes. Hyunjin moved close, his breath on your ears as he murmured, “You’re doing so well. One more step and you’ve been through the worst of it.” Hyunjin’s hand moved from your shoulder and down beside your own. “You can hold my hand for this next part. Squeeze as hard as you need to.”

Minho came into view more clearly when he moved you back into an upright position, probably for better access. You saw pity in his eyes before he turned to grab a small tin beside him. Your own eyes widened when it hit you, he was going to stitch it up. You remembered Hyunjin saying that you’d need stitches outside, but it hadn’t hit you until now. You quickly grab Hyunjin’s hand, eyeing Minho as he opened the tin, readying a needle.

Your breaths quickened and the hold on Hyunjin’s hand tightened as the needle grew closer. You looked up at him with pleading eyes at the last second, hoping that maybe he could carry you away again. You barely got a glimpse before the first stitch.

It was agonizing, the vodka from before felt nothing like this. As soon as it happened, you let out a much louder cry, voice cracking from disuse. Tears streamed down your face as your nails began to dig into Hyunjin’s hand. Looks like he’d have a scar too. Your other hand gripped the arm of the chair, the only thing stopping you from bolting.

You heard Minho speaking to Hyunjin in a hushed voice, “She’s gonna need about seven more of these. I think we need someone else to hold her down.”

At that, footsteps sounded from across the room, moving behind you before you felt a set of hands on your shoulders. They were keeping you in place firmly, but you couldn’t help but notice how gentle they felt. Who was this? Had they been here the entire time? A very familiar voice grumbled above you, “I got her. You can keep going.”

Changbin?

The thought was in your head for only a moment before you felt the needle pierce your skin again, pulling flesh up and over the wound. Your scream was much louder this time, and you would’ve lurched forward had it not been for the grip Changbin had on you. You heard Hyunjin from beside you suck air through his teeth, but before you could see him, the screen door up front burst open, diverting your attention. Felix darted into the room, panic evident as he tried to catch his breath. You locked eyes with him just as the needle renentered, and everything went black.

You weren’t sure how long it had been before you regained consciousness for the third time today. Before moving, you opened your eyes. For some reason you couldn’t understand, the first thing you wanted to know is if Changbin was still there. Minho was bandaging Hyunjin’s hand, specifically the one you had held. Felix was sat on the floor, biting his nails anxiously with his eyes down. There was no Changbin in your line of sight.

Felix must’ve noticed you were awake, because before you knew it, you felt his arms frantically wrap around your frame. In seconds, he was ripped from you and tossed back to the floor. Changbin was looking down at him, annoyed. “Do you not remember what I said about being so touchy? She just got stitches dumbass.” Wow. Guess he was still there. Had he really cared enough to stick around? He looked up at you, and flinched when he saw your open eyes. Must not have known you were awake. He quickly averted his gaze and nudged Minho, speaking barely above a whisper: “She’s awake.”

Minho moved in front of you, kneeling to eye level, a comforting smile on his face. “How are you feeling, Y/N?”

You avoided his gaze, embarrassed. “I’m good, thank you.” you shrunk into yourself, “Thanks for helping me out there, and sorry for freaking out so much.”

He giggled, “You actually did well. You should’ve seen Jisung the first time I had to stitch him up. He screamed before the needle even touched him.”

Hyunjin adds from behind him, “You’re one tough cookie, Y/N.”

You look to Hyunjin, before looking down at the bandage on his hand, feeling your heart sink. “Hyunjin, I am so sorry.”

He rubbed the back of his neck, “Nah it’s nothing. The bandage is dramatic if anything.”

Your conversation was cut short by the door flinging open, knocking a framed photo down from the force. From behind it emerged Chan, followed by two others. One was the young one you had noticed earlier, and the other you recognized from the night of the raid. Chan turned to face all of you, face red with anger. When he saw the bandages from beneath your blood soaked collar, you could see a vein protrude on his throat. His voice boomed as he spoke, the soft, blushy boy from earlier completely gone.

“What the hell happened?”

Minho turned away from you, calmly packing up all of his tools. “Some stray dog got in, got Y/N pretty good. I just stitched her up.”

Chan scanned the people in the room, “How did it get in? Last I checked, dogs can’t climb fences.”

Hyunjin calmly ran his fingers across the bandage, sounding distracted as he answered, “It was my bad. I left the back entrance open when I was carrying a few deer in, I had to make a couple trips so I thought it’d be fine to leave it open.”

“Do not pull that shit again. How could you be so irresponsible?” Chan spat, “I told Y/N we could protect her. It’s day one and we’re already stitching up a wound!”

Hyunjin’s eyes lazily moved from his bandage to lock with yours. There was a look in them that you couldn’t describe. “She isn’t made of glass, Chan. I think she’s tougher than she looks.”

Your heart soared. Before today you were always the weak one, a burden. To think that someone actually sees you as more. You simply smiled back at Hyunjin, hoping he caught your gratitude.

Chan took one look at you, his anger faltering. “I know she isn’t. But she isn’t made of steel either.” he paused, looking behind him at one of the others that had followed him in. “Jisung, you’re going to stay at the farm and keep an eye on Y/N.”

A babysitter? Wow. Were you really so helpless that you needed to be guarded personally? Surely shit like this wasn’t going to happen again. The man whom you assumed was Jisung nodded, before looking at you with a smile, sending a little wave.

You hesitantly waved back, an uncomfortable expression creeping up on your face. “Nice to meet you Jisung.”

With his signature dramatic huff, Changbin pushed himself from the wall he had been leaning on, “When is this Jiho dude going to show up? She’s a pain in the ass.” and before anyone could respond, he was out the door.

Jisung broke the following silence with a chuckle. “It’s not like I was useful out there anyway.” he looked back at you, smile wide. “Nice to meet you, Y/N!”

You had spent the afternoon with Jisung. He took you to see the animals in the stables (two horses and two cows!), showed you around the house, and gave a full tour of every spot you had yet to explore. His presence was comforting, and he made you tear up from laughter more than once. He felt like a long lost best friend. At one point during the day, before the guard switch at noon, you and Jisung had sat up in Woojin’s perch, playing cards and eating snacks.

Jisung sat at the edge, near the ladder, his long legs stretched up to rest on the wall as he gestured to Woojin with his hand full of cards, “Dude, when are you off shift? We gotta clean up this trashfest before Seungmin gets here.” He chuckled to himself before popping another chip in his mouth, “He’ll burst a blood vessel if he sees this mess.”

Woojin ignored him, turning to you instead. “I gotta go to bed soon, it’s almost noon.” He yawned, “I should be up around dinnertime with Changbin. Wake me up if Jisung gets too annoying.”

“Hey!” Jisung tossed a card at him, hitting Woojin in the forehead.

From the other perch, you heard a heavy sigh, “Can you three shut up? I’m too tired for this.”

You still hadn’t spoken to Changbin since the stitches, but he’s undoubtedly been on your mind. Why had Changbin come inside when you were getting them? Even more, he actually helped hold you down so you didn’t get hurt. Was he worried? He couldn’t have been. Regardless, you felt that you should thank him.

You turned around, leaning over the perch wall facing Changbin. “Hey, I haven’t had the chance to thank you yet.”

His eyes widened for a moment before his face grew into a scowl. His voice came out more hostile than before. “For what?”

You were taken aback for a moment, before continuing. “Thank you for helping Minho help me. It probably wouldn’t have gone well had you not been there.”

He turned away from you, his face obscured. “It wasn’t for you. Chan would’ve been pissed if we fucked things up more than we already did.”

But that still left one question. “Why did you come inside? You should’ve been up here.”

Woojin added from behind you, “I had to take watch actually. We heard you scream from here and Changbin beelined for the house.” He smirked, “Looked pretty worried to me.”

Changbin shot a venomous look at you, eyes narrow and teeth clenched. “Don’t fucking flatter yourself. Woojin doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about.”

Just after he spoke, you heard a knock from the bottom of Woojin’s ladder. You moved away from Changbin to look over the edge. An unfamiliar man stood at the bottom, looking up, shielding his eyes from the sun. “Hey Y/N, tell Woojin it’s noon. I’m taking over.”

You lean back, eyeing the mess of trash and playing cards. “Seungmin’s here. Better clean fast.”

You and Jisung had spent a bit more time outside before heading in for the evening. Eventually, that just boiled down to you reading a book on the couch while Jisung sat opposite of you, cleaning a rifle. Occasionally, you’d look up to watch Seungmin and Minho on guard. Minho seemed much more relaxed, gun ready, but leaned back with his feet up. Seungmin was much more tense. He stared down at the land beyond the fence with pinpoint accuracy, finger always on the trigger. You could even see him keeping watch when it was Minho’s turn. He definitely came off as the anxious type.

At around seven, you saw Minho head down the ladder and make his way up to the house. You watched him as he moved around the porch, out of view from the window until he eventually re-emerged from the side of the house, holding a very heavy looking paper bag. You stood up and hurried to open the door to let him in, holding a hand out, offering to carry it.

Before Minho could even respond, Jisung’s arm appeared from behind you, reaching around your waist to grab the bag. He looked back at you while he took it to the counter, “Not until you’re healed up.”

Minho nodded, cracking his knuckles before moving various pots and utensils onto the counter. “Jisung’s right. You shouldn’t carry anything heavy with those stitches so fresh.”

God, you felt like such a burden. You wish you could contribute more. “What are you doing with all that?”

“Getting dinner ready. Jisung’s probably just gonna sit and watch.” Minho side-eyed him, “He’s banned from cooking.”

Jisung leaned against the wall, “Yep. Sounds good. Have fun slaving over the stove Minnie.”

You chuckled at him before moving next to Minho, “If he won’t help you, I’m more than happy to.”

Minho beamed at you, before hoisting a bag of potatoes onto the counter. He held out a peeler and smirked. “Get peelin’ sister.”

As soon as he said it you began peeling, eager to help. Eventually, Jisung spoke from the corner, “Let’s not put her to work like this Minho.” He looked to you, trying to sound enticing, “Wanna go hang out with Felix?”

Minho scoffed, “Oh please Jisung, she can handle this just fine. Why don’t you head off and go make yourself useful. You don’t need to keep an eye on her right now.”

Jisung opened his mouth to protest, but came short of an answer. He looked at you defeated, and you shrugged. Minho wasn’t wrong. “You’ll have to survive without my presence. Can you manage?”

He smiled back at you, and held a hand to his forehead in mock distress, “How could I?”, before turning to leave.

Once the screen door closed behind him, Minho nudged you with eyes still on the cutting board in front of him. “The boys seem to like you.”

You chuckled, “I like them too.”

A bit of worry shown on his face, but his tone was still playful. “You’re gonna be trouble, aren’t you?”

You looked away from your work, over to him. “What do you mean?”

He shrugged. “Nevermind. Get back to it.”

While Minho and you were finishing up, you noticed Changbin head down the stairs. You turned away from him to pull a rack from the oven, but you could feel his eyes on you. You continued to work, pretending not to notice until you turned to set the rack on the counter. The two of you locked eyes for a moment, before Changbin’s gaze turned from soft to agitated. He quickly moved towards the drawer, pretending to have been grabbing silverware. What was his deal?

Dinner was incredible. The last one to the table was Jeongin, and as soon as he sat down, everyone dug in. You never had warm food back at your old group, you usually just ate whatever cans Jiho could scrounge up. In truth,, there was rarely any food saved for you, because the others didn’t think you were useful enough to be fed. Jiho always had to argue or steal in order to get you anything. Tonight however, you were eating roasted venison that Hyunjin had caught, warm mashed potatoes and stewed veggies that Felix had grown and a glass of milk from one of the cows outside (You had come to learn earlier that they were named Lucy and Toes. Named by Felix and Jisung respectively). Everyone else spoke to each other around you, but you were too absorbed in the food to care. Occasionally, either Felix or Jisung from beside you would try to start a conversation with you, but you could barely stop eating long enough to answer.

However, Chan’s voice from across the table made you set the fork down. “Y/N, you ate today, right?”

You swallowed your current bite and nodded at him. “Felix made me some eggs.”

Jisung laughed nervously from beside you, “You’re eating like you’ve never heard of food before”.

You shrugged, looking down at your plate. “I didn’t really get to eat food like this in my old group. This is just really good.”

Hyunjin leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. “What did you eat back there?”

“Just a can of something here and there. They were focused on feeding the more useful members.” you sighed, “Haven’t had warm food in awhile so it feels like I can’t get enough of it.”

You noticed Changbin clench his jaw from the other side of the table.

Felix narrowed his eyes, his voice lowering, “How often did they feed you?”

You could feel the tension rising, and tried not to make any eye contact. “I ate...enough.”

Chan spoke up, “Leave it alone everyone. It’s none of our business”. But you could tell from his face, from all of their faces, that they didn’t believe you.

Felix placed a hand on your shoulder, rubbing it soothingly. “Well as long as you’re here, you can have as much warm food as you want. I’ll cook you all kinds of yummy stuff.”

Changbin glared at Felix’s hand, and once Felix noticed, he averted his gaze and removed it.

Minho had watched the interaction play out, eyeing both you and Changbin thoughtfully, before returning to his food.

[fieldfullofbangtan]

Idols Dream: Chapter Eleven

☁️ au: idol!au

☁️ chapter word count: 2.3k

☁️ chapter summary: Kris’ MV drops, it’s your big break and omg a giant teddy.

The music video shoot was honestly the most fun and exhausting thing I’ve ever done. Kris and I goofed around on set like two idiots but in the end after 2 weeks of constant shooting we were absolutely dead.

“That’s a wrap guys! Good job everybody and thanks for all the hard word. If everything goes as planned the video will be up the day after deadline!” The director yelled out as everybody started to get ready to leave, giving eachother praise for all the work. 

Me and Kris stayed on the set and we both breathed out like a weight had been lifted off our shoulder. When we started filming the MV everything was going as planned and the date of it dropping was released. Not only was the release day made public but they also posted a few teasers on Kris’ social media platforms. Since it was his first release in a while the news spread like wildfire and now everybody is anticipating it.

Unfortunatly thanks to some clumsy folks on set the shoot took longer than expected and we were all on edge because of the possibility of it not being finished on time. We worked 18 hours straight a few days just to make up for the lost time. So when we heard the director tell us we would most likely make it before deadline, it felt like a choir of angels appeared before me.

“We did it!” Kris finally said after processing the good news, he held his hand up waiting for a high five.

“I’ve never been so stressed about a deadline before” I breath out and dramatically use one hand to lift the other to give him a high five.

“Oh trust me, there will be plently of deadlines just like this one in your future” 

He probably said it to warn me or prepare be but all I feel is exitement. I’ve never been so happy while ‘working’ before. Even if the hours were long and tiring I always looked forward to being on set or in the studio. I never really believed the ‘Choose a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life”, but damn it’s true. 

“So what now?” I ask Kris after we’d changed into the clothes we came in and started to leave the building.

“Deadline is in...” Kris checks his phone, “like 48 hours. I say we sleep until then.”

I re-count the time since it sounds so short. I look at my phone as well. Wednesday 22:25. The video is suppose to be edited and reviewed, then posted on Friday at midnight. 

“49 hours and 35 minutes actually.” I smirk at Kris and he rolls his eyes but can’t help smiling.

“Smart-ass” 

Kris gives me a ride home and it almost feels weird to say goodbye since we’ve been wokring together for more than two weeks at this point. 

“We can take tomorrow off and just recuperate, but how about we meet back at the studio on Friday? We could watch the release together” Kris is tired as hell but still manages to show some exitement.

The video will be previewed before it releases but only by the CEO’s and editors. I’m not allowed to see it. I’m not exactly sure why but I’m guessing it’s to minimize the risk of it being leaked.

“Sounds good” 

He gives me a thumbs up and I start to enter the building. I hear him drive away much slower than usual, probably because he’s as exhausted as I am. Walking into my apartment a new wave of exhaustion hits me and I zombie-walk to my bedroom, collapse on the bed and fall asleep.

The time flies by, probably because I spent most of it in bed sleeping or on my couch watching netflix and eating. Jackson couldn’t come over since he was still trying to handle the situation with his ex, poor dude has been stressing over that for weeks now. During my free day I finally had the time to call my family and Jess, I told them all about the release, the shoots, my sister interrogated me about Kris and it was just wonderful to finally talk to them again.

Friday crept up on me, I again slept through most of the day but at 16:00 I went to the studio to meet Louis and Kris. Exiting the elevator I’m met with the familiar sight of the cute receptionist.

“Good afternoon Ms (Y/L/N)” He smiled. “Are you exited for tonight?” 

I hadn’t processed it yet since I’ve been way too tired to even think these past two days. 

“God I don’t even know... I don’t think I really get it yet” I chuckle and continue to the studio.

I’ve been here so much there’s no longer a need to knock before entering. Louis and Kris jump out of their seats to greet me and look kinda like two happy children seeing santa on christmas. 

“Guys what’s going on?” I laugh, Kris is rushing me to the couch while Louis hands me a full bottle of champange.

Louis looks at me like I just disrespected him and his entire ancestry. “What do you mean? It’s you first release ever! Aren’t you exited?” 

I shrug, it’s like my mind isn’t getting it. As if the past weeks of work we’re so exhausting my brain has just shut off all emotion. 

“Huh, not the reaction I was expecting. I could barely sit still when I first debuted with EXO...” Kris looks at me confused as he sits down beside me on the couch.

“Don’t worry” Louis sits down on as well. “It’ll hit her” He nods and smiles at me.

We just sit back and chill. When dinnertime came Kris and Louis start arguing about what to eat and I had to play referee and pick. They truly behaved like two kids and I can’t lie, it’s entertaining. 

Midnight crept up on us. Kris’ phone started to buzz, alerting him that we were 5 minutes away from the MV dropping and I could feel my heart start to beat faster. Jess started to spamm me with texts about her refreshing the Youtube page and the situation finally started to sink in. This is actually happening. A little over a month ago I was nobody, and now I’m in an MV  with Kris Wu. The worlds going to see this. This is my big break.

“Ready?” Kris turned on a projector that displayed Kris Wu VEVO onto a projector screen. As he pressed refresh for the forth or fifth time the video showed up.

Just seeing my face on the thumbnail sent a shiver down my spine. What shocked me more was the title. “ft. questionmark? But I’m not in the song?”.

“It’s just to signal that you’re someone important, and not some random model for a music video.” 

I nod, I guess that makes sense. Usually people don’t really focus on anyone else than the artist.

“Not that anybody is gonna think your some random person after our run in with the paparazzis that one time” Kris chuckled, “But anyways, you ready?”

“I guess...” I pretty much whisper as I grab onto Louis’ arm as a way to make myself feel more stable.

Kris clicked and the video started to play. For the first 30 seconds Kris was the only person on screen. Louis and Kris started talking about something related to the MV but I couldn’t stop focusing on the video. Any second now... I’ll be on screen any second no-

There I was, sitting on a couch in the purple-neon lit room. The emotions I was clearly lacking a few hours ago came all at once and I felt so overwhelmed I just burst out in tears.

“Damn y’all look so good” Louis hypes us up only to realize I’m beside him sobbing like a baby.

“Hey... hey what’s wrong?”

Louis’ audible concern makes Kris turn toward me and notice my state as well. He paused the video.

“Do you not like it?”

I was too embarrassed to lift my head and too overwhelmed to say anything. I just shook my head.

“What’s wrong then?” Kris continued.

I took some slow deep breaths, trying to calm my sobbing down as they patiently waited for me to collect myself. After one last breath I finally said “I’m just... so happy”.

The boys both visibly calmed down. I dried my tears with my sleeves but they just kept pouring down. 

“I’m sorry I don’t know how to stop it” I manage to laugh through my sobs.

“Now that’s the reaction I remember having” Louis pats my back. “This is totally normal, you just gotta let it out. After a while you’ll be dyhydrated”

Louis says it jokingly but a part of my thinks that’s my only option. After getting my O-K to keep watching the video Kris turned it on again. It was surreal and so rewarding to see something we worked so hard on become this complete thing. 

Jess called me as soon as the video was over. 

“Oh my fucking god dude” I heard as soon as I picked the phone up.

I couldn’t help laughing because I could see her shocked face in my head.

“What do you think?” 

“That was...”

There was a moment of silence and due to the boys curious looks I turned on speaker.

“FUCKIN’ AWESOME” Jess yelled and we all shared some amused and proud looks. “But why does it say feat. questionmark?” 

“We’re trying to keep (Y/N)’s identity a mystery for a little longer” Kris said, “Get people talking”

“Well it’s working, are ya’ll seeing the comments?”

Kris pulled up the comment section beneath the video. 

The video had only been up for a few minutes but the comments we’re flooding in. To my disbelief the majority of the question we’re about me. People were speculating whether the “?” was my artist name or if it was a man hunt. They very quickly figuered out that ‘the girl in the MV is the same one from Kris’ paparazzi incident’. 

“This’ll be fun” Louis smirked as we kept on reading very frustrated commenters, all trying to figure out my identity. “We won’t make them wait for too long tho. Just a few days”

“What?” 

“Oh right we haven’t told you yet!” Louis and Kris share suspiciously smug looks. “You’re releasing your first singel this week.”

“What?!” 

“You are relea-”

“No no I heard you I’m just-... What?”

Kris chuckled at my confusion, “We talked about it and we think you should release your first singel by the end of this week, then when the hype is at its biggest you drop another one, and then the full album.”

“Wait you guys are serious? But we’re not even close to finishing!”

“We’ve already worked that out. We’ll do it in stages, so we finish the first singel this weekend, and we’ll just drop the rest when its done! I promise it won’t take too long.”

That’s true. I picked 14 samples and we already have 12 base songs, I’ve written lyrics to 10 of them and all we have to do is finish the last bits and perfect everything. If it goes smoothly we’ll be finished within a few weeks.

“Ok I’m in.” I say after enough thought. 

Louis claps his hands together, satisfied with my answer and starts to shoo me out of the studio. “Well then you better go home and sleep cause if we plan on being done we have a long day tomorrow!”

I follow their orders and go home. I’m in deperate need of sleep after my emotional explosion from before. Usually Kris and I leave the studio at the same time so he gives me a ride home. Tonight however Kris needed to stay with Louis to sort out some promotional stuff so I had to walk home. Not complaining though, the July weather in Shanghai is best at night, so a 20 minute walk is actually really calming.

Arriving back at my apartment I was again met with my apartment door being unlocked. I’ve been forgetting to lock it a lot these past few days, unsafe I know, but a lot has been going on and my brain just can’t seem to catch up.

I pray to whoever is listening that I haven’t been robbed and open the door. It’s dark and everything looks normal, I slap my wall a few times and manage to turn on the lights. 

“What the-” 

As I enter my bedroom, the biggest teddybear I’ve ever witnessed in real life is just sitting there, on my bed. Walking closer I find a bottle of champange in it’s lap with a little note hanging off it.

‘Hey,

Sorry I couldn’t be there for your big break. Hope the bear makes up for it.

Jackson’

Can’t lie I was pretty salty about him not being here tonight, but the giant bear did make it suck a little less. He went to Hong Kong earlier today to visit family, lucky bastard. Since Jackson, Kris and Louis are the only people I hang out with we’ve managed to get pretty close, I just wanted to share this moment with them. 

I let it go and accept the bear as an apology. There will hopefully be more moments like this so why dwell. To my disappointment the bear took up way too much of my bed and I had to move it so that I could sleep. Sorry Teddy, maybe next time.

I reach for my noisy phone on my nightstand but fail miserably as I roll off the bed. Thank god for me moving that bear because it caught me and spared me from a pretty hard fall. I let my eyes adjust to the annoyingly bright daylight shining though my windows and finally look at my phone to see what the ruckus was about.

“Ooooh shit.”

My instagram notifications we’re blowing up, I was getting maybe 10 follow requests a second. My username isn’t even my name, and my profil picture is a meme, how in the actual hell did they find me?

Louis called a second later.

“(Y/N)? We have a problem.”

[ghost-town-story]

... The more I sit here and am allowed to think, the more pissed off and upset I get

Rant blog status reinstated!

So firstly, I’m not happy about getting kicked off campus. But social distancing shit, whatever I guess, whatcha gonna do. 

But no. My fucking mother takes the goddamned fucking cake rn. 

We got the email about being kicked off around 4 pm eastern time, Monday. My mother. This fucking woman. Calls me and insists I pack my stuff and get off campus by Tuesday morning. Packing is normally at least a few days ordeal, especially since I hate packing and it always stresses me out a bunch. But done in little spurts, okay I guess, more doable. 

But noooo I have to get out by Tuesday. Fucking. Morning. And this woman actually has the gall, the fucking gall to halfheartedly suggest I start out Monday evening since I’ve gone nocturnal. 

I tried to tell her there’s no fucking way, but she wouldn’t fucking listen. So she hangs up, and I go down the hall bc I desperately need a hug by this point, and she’s a sweetheart but the only roommate available is a gangly skinny girl and not the type of hugs I need. (really, boyfriend would be ideal, but at the time he was in Colorado visiting his sister). And I end up breaking down on huggin friend’s couch bc I hate packing, and I don’t feel like I can pack up a year’s worth of shit in about 12 hours. 

Mom eventually calls me again, mostly just to tell me “yeah you need to pack up and get back tonight, your roommate can grab the 1-2 bins remaining.” And she refuses to listen to me saying “hey, it’s a solid 2 loads in my car, it’s not gonna be 1-2 bins”  “But it fit all in your first car!” “My first car was a fuckin beast, literally the largest car in the lot freshman year. Fred is definitely shorter, definitely less trunk space, etc.”  “Well Y can get the last few bins.” “It’s a lot of stuff!” “It won’t be that much” JUST FUCKING LISTEN YOU PIECE OF SHIT FFS

I was so stressed and crying that huggin friend stole my phone when I was texting my boyfriend, and had him call me so I could maybe stop crying. I miss my boy. Hearing him was good tho.

I’m packing up my stuff in the bathroom when I remember. I store my empty bins at my brother’s place (2 hrs north). I double check with him and call my mom back “I can’t leave tomorrow. It’s too much to pack, and some of my bins are at Brother’s.”  Despite all this, despite me literally breaking down and crying on the phone, she refuses to listen, to give me an extra day, to bring half my stuff up to my brother’s (and therefore eliminate most of the need to have my roommate take my stuff) and grab my extra bins. Nope, gotta get out.

I was staring at my room, halfheartedly packing and trying to figure out, and just sobbing out loud. I thought remaining roommate was gone at dinner, otherwise I would have tried to be quiet. But she had gotten back without me noticing, and when she poked her head in, I couldn’t do it anymore and just kinda. Fell to the ground crying and apologizing. She’s a such a sweetheart and I feel bad for probably worrying her (and possibly waking her up in the middle of the night with packing noises)

I texted my roommate about this. She basically said, “Wtf, what she’s asking isn’t possible.”

Same thing from my boyfriend. 

My mom kept texting me, asking how things were going, basically ignoring my subtle requests for more fucking time. At one point she said “Hang in there”. I sent a screenshot of that to my roommate and boyfriend and asked, “Is murder acceptable?” Roommate said a solid yes. Boyfriend offered to let me live with him. (cept 2 hour parking and I already got one ticket from that :P)

Mom texted around 10 pm, asking if things were fitting in the car. I wasn’t even remotely to the point of packing the car. I was basically at break number 2 of mandatory “sit down, have something to eat, and rehydrate after crying so damn much”. I think I had one bin completely done (out of what ended up being like. 6 bins? plus assorted bags n stuff) and was mostly done packing my clothes, but like. slow going. Especially when packing is stressful and you keep getting overwhelmed woot woot

I put off a fair number of things bc of panicking about time and simple emotional capability to do so. Sorting out my dishes, unlofting my bed, grabbing my band shit from the music hall across campus.

At some point in the night, I had to lay down, because my body decided “hey, you know what would be great right now? Period cramps, minus the blood.” Which, thank fuck minus the blood, but also it meant I had to spend a solid half hour/hour out of commission bc it hurt so damn much to walk around and try to pack. But I had to keep going, even though the pain came back when I stood up again.  

Mom texted me at 7 am if I’m awake. I hadn’t slept. 

We have housekeepers, and they got there around when I was finishing loading up. I stopped and chatted for a bit (nobody had told them what was going on), and nearly started crying again because it was just so damn shitty. Everything’s so damn shitty. 

So I got on the road at about 8 am, and get to driving for a bit, but about 1.5 hours in I’m doing bad. I can barely keep focused, despite drinking probably half a bottle of Mt. Dew by this point, so I pull into a rest stop and text my mom “Hey, I forgot my shampoo/conditioner/toothbrush stuff, and also I don’t think I can get home safe.”

Does my mother tell me to take a nap in that rest stop? Nope Does she tell me to find a hotel or motel there and take a nap/sleep and try again tomorrow? Nope Does she tell me I can go back to school, sleep through the day, and try again tomorrow? Ha ha fucking ha.

Nope. She calls me, and proceeds to tell me to keep driving, and that she’s going to stay on the phone with me so I don’t fall asleep. 

I yelled at her quite a few times, when she was being fucking stupid about all this shit. She had the fucking gall to be pissed that I pulled an all nighter, when that’s what was fucking necessary to meet her stupid fucking deadline. 

At one point, I made a new driving playlist so hopefully it would keep me awake better while I wasn’t on the phone (being serenaded... awake? by the lovely voice of Tilian lel (lots of DGD and his solo work on that playlist. Also ATL. Fuck yeah ATL. anywho)). And right after I made that, she ended up calling me before I was driving yet, and I rejected it bc I really wanted to finish my text to the dear bf, and then I started driving, thinking she’d call me back and chew me out for ignoring her, but surprisingly nope. So I just jam out for a bit, and eventually start yelling at myself bc of dumb writing ideas (the original story rewrite... lol) and I end up texting my roommate (while driving... shh) “Hey, feel free to call me if you want to hear me ramble on about writing” So after a short phone call from mum where she hung up to let me drive through a city, roommate calls, and I end up spending the last few hours of my drive rambling at her and mutually bitching about the shitty situation this leaves us in. 

When I get home, my dad (a doctor) is wearing a mask, apparently at my mother’s request. He also mentions that we probably shouldn’t be in the same room, according to her. I am also forced to strip everything and shower basically immediately. K, fine, I do so, Dad makes me dinner (despite Mom’s probable disapproval), and I stay awake just long enough to toss my laundry in the dryer. It was a close thing tho. I nearly fell asleep waiting for the washer to finish. And so I pass out at 8 pm central time (9 pm eastern)

Mom, during all this, has fucked off Up North to our cabin, my final destination.

Wednesday, Mom makes me leave our place in the Cities at 11 am to get up before weather gets worse and all that jazz. Once here, I’m allowed freedom for as long as it takes to help mother move shit so I can fit my car inside a garage, then I take the bare minimum inside (my electronics, stuff that would explode if frozen (like pop (and my Smirnoff Ices shh)), travel toothbrush I somehow have and hairbrush), and I’m immediately quarantined to my room and the bathroom down the hall. 

So here I fucking am. Bored as shit and pissed the hell off

I needed more time. But no fucking way Mom was going to let that happen. 

I could have gone up to my brother’s. But noooo I had to come all the fucking way home, only to be shoved in a room for two weeks.

I could have taken care of all/most of my shit by my fucking self (dishes are debatable, would need basically the whole apartment to sort those out), but nope, can’t take enough time to take a trip up to my brother’s apartment 2 hours away, no way.

Nope, instead I have to suffer a panic attack for basically 16 hours, then nearly kill myself driving, because I can’t stay one fucking day more, because I have to get my ass up here just to be basically shoved in a room and left alone for 2 goddamned weeks. Nope. Can’t fucking make sure that moving out, usually stressful on its own, is as calm as we can make it in these trying times. Nope. Gotta just fucking nearly kill the kiddo instead to comply with my stupid whims because I can’t fucking listen

I’m pissed.

Especially since I was almost 100% sure I was gonna block her everywhere and go full no contact with this bitch after college.

But now I’m stuck here for the foreseeable future! Yay! Can’t see that going badly! 

(I’ve already texted the anonymemers to call me so I don’t go crazy and actually punch her. We’ll see how that goes. The desire has been kinda strong all afternoon.)

Fuck

This

Shit

[panticw-blog]

Trollhunters: Subverted Chapter 1

Okay. Okay okay okay.

I'm still working on breaking furnace but I have mad anxiety when I let myself touch that daydream so it will be a while. So, I have this instead for right now. This one actually has a chapter system so have fun. Before I start tho lol, I'm just gonna explain a bit.

This is one of my long term daydreams that takes place in the universe of Dreamworks' animated series "Trollhunters." I didn't bother to go into detail on what characters look like because I was originally writing this because a friend wanted to know more about my daydreams and I can't explain things without writing them in story format. Anyway, she already knows what most of MY characters look like, and I am way too dead inside to edit this right now.

I want to post it though, so?? I'm posting it. Idk I'll post drawings of my own characters and examples of borrowed ones as they show up. I’ll probably go back eventually and fix the character introductions later bUT whatever I’m tired and depressed and I wanna post my writing goddamn it.

Chapter 1: Brilliant Plans Lacking in Foresight

April 1st

Human

      Cause I know how to play it pretty good against the measure…

     Soapy water runs down the drain while I scrub a crusty old pan. No one ever does the dishes in this house. My hips sway and I sing along with the music blasting in my ears. I’m busy, though, my mind pacing the kitchen. I have to do something.

     Screaming in the dark while we just play our part out...

     The music drones on, all else drowned out. A combination of headphones and a sound-cancelling headset gives me the perfect opportunity to leave my body on autopilot. I pull my key out of my apron pocket and stop pacing, facing a blank wall.

     “You shouldn’t.”

     I don’t turn around. Connor stands next to me. The real me, not the one in my head. He’s probably right. I shrug and pull something else out of my pocket. She’s warm from wherever I took her from, and her heart beats fast. I shake the key over the lizard’s head and a smaller, silver one lands in front of it. She cocks her head curiously.

     This isn’t pretty but it’s what I am tonight…

     “Get it for me.”

     She seems to nod, takes the key in her mouth, and whisks up my arm and back down my body to the floor. IShe waits next to the door, and I smile. I reach toward the door with the key and a lock forms in midair. A doorknob follows, until a door sits where there had previously been a blank wall. I crack it open, catching only a glimpse of the bright world on the other side before the lizard is gone and I close it again. It fades, and Connor sighs behind me.

     “You’re overloading yourself,” he says. “You’ve never held this many daydreams at once. Hogwarts, the Baudelaires, and now this? Not to mention, the one you still need to finish with your brother.”

     Running with fire, I live like a liar, please somebody make a move...

     “The second I chose to watch that show, I started on my way here,” I mutter, finally turning and rejoining my body. The pan is finally clean, so I can start loading the dishwasher. “I’ve already changed the world they live in, so why not actually meddle a little bit?”

     “What did you do?” he demands, and I shrug. He pushes between me and the sink, so I actually have to look at him. “What did you do?” I reach through his chest to grab some spoons to drop in the dishwasher.

     “It’s complicated. Time hijinks. Souls. Fought in a war? Possibly dropped an extremely domestic version of me in Arcadia. She was engaged to Strickler in the… late 80’s? Early 90’s? She’s dead. I’ll have the amulet soon, and you’ll find out, so what does it matter?”

     We all know what’s going on…

     “You can’t even talk coherently, how are you going to keep track of something so involved?”

     “I manage to keep up with a lot, if you haven’t noticed,” I mutter, not looking at him.

     “Do you keep up with it? Or do you let it drag you along screaming? I’ve seen you, running around and just barely meeting your deadlines. What will you do when you come up late? When Karl or Diablo show up and tell you that your grace period has ended and you finally have to pay up for not doing your job? A job that you asked for? And every time you start another one of these things, you fall farther behind and the stakes get higher. It doesn’t help that your little coworker buddies keep slinking around and slipping you more jobs to do!”

     I try to ignore him. He’s said all of this a million times before, trying to get me to lessen my workload. As if it would really help; it isn’t my daydreams that are stressing me out, after all.

     “‘Train this wizard!’ ‘Stop this from happening!’ ‘Kill this man!’ ‘Protect these children!’ ‘Fight these battles!’ ‘Win this war!’ When is it going to stop? Do you want the Scouts to come after you? The Cloaks? Do you want a reason to be a victim instead of a-”

     “Back off, okay?” I blurt, and he stops. I stand over the dishwasher, my hands clenched white around a bowl. I lower my voice, hoping that he won’t notice how much it shakes. “I’ll be fine. They can’t hurt me. Nothing can hurt me. It’s all in my head, so just let me do this. Let me save people, for once.”

     Not what I had expected from you, I guess I had expected the truth...

     “For once?” he rests a hand on my shoulder, and I can almost feel it. I shake my head and resume filling the washer. “You never want anything but to help. Sometimes you can’t, and that’s okay. This might be one of those times.”

     I shake my head again and his hand leaves me.

     “I can save them. I can save all of them.”

     He steps closer, but before he can say anything, there’s a bang from my bedroom and a soft scuffling. I gesture vaguely at it, and Connor goes to open it. When he does, the lizard comes pattering into the room, the Amulet of Merlin held comically in her tiny jaws. I wipe the soapy water from my hands and kneel down, holding my hand out for her to climb onto.

     “Good job, Mouse,” I murmur when she spits the thing out on my palm. I stand and the lizard scurries up to rest on my shoulder while I examine the item.

     “What have you done?”

     You don’t get to tell me what to do anymore…

     “Mouse stole the amulet from Strickler after he stole it from Jim. She replaced it with a device that will lead him back to it.” Connor looks at me in disbelief , and I shrug. “It won’t take long, and-” I glance down at my little friend and nod. “She’ll be doing the same with the fake amulet that J-.”

     A low voice says my name, the oldest name I have, and I stare at the amulet.

     “Holy shit, Jess, you didn’t,” I glance at him, then back at the amulet. What the hell?

     You don’t get to tell me how to live anymore…

     “What?” I hold it up, and it says it again. I frown at the thing. “You already have your champion. James Lake is the Trollhunter.

     Anymore…

     Connor gasps and takes it from me. I scowl at him, but he looks positively alarmed. “Don’t you get it?”

     “What?” I reach for it, but he won’t give it back.

     “You took it from that world to this one. In this world, James Lake doesn’t exist - not right now, anyway. There isn’t a Trollhunter here!”

     I stare at him. What he’s saying makes sense, but...

     I don’t need a map to find my way back home...

     “But that would mean…” We look at each other for a second, then back at the amulet. No way...

     “That would mean that you’re the Trollhunter, too.”

     To me it’s only make believe.

[milkywaystarboy]

Young God

Karolina’s Playlist (1k Followers Celebration Challenge)

Prompt: Young God by Halsey (linked to a YouTube lyric video)

Pairing: Lucifer x Meg, Lucifer x Rowena (and Meg really lusting after Rowena)

Word Count: 2222

Summary: politics AU of sorts, where Lucifer is a corrupt lawyer and Rowena and Meg are a part of his household. Meg has plans for revenge and Rowena helps her make them happen. Might end up being a series eventually. (This was a bit rushed because I just couldn’t get the ending right... I knew what I wanted but it wasn’t coming out. So I just wrote it down as best I could and posted it. I’m already later than the original deadline.)

Warnings: emotional, physical, and sexual abuse; graphic depiction of character death; murder (technically it’s manslaughter tho); Meg’s pansexual lusting; semi-graphic rape

Tags: @loveitsallineed @devsfan55 @itsallintheeyeofthebeholder @zzzett (I don’t know who else to tag so feel free to reblog and tag people)

The pool, like everything else at the house, was large and elegant, and it was almost far enough away from the party in the ballroom for the voices to be silenced. Meg walked barefoot along the edge of it, her shoes abandoned on a deck chair along with her suit jacket. She rolled up the sleeves of her well-tailored suit shirt, deep purple giving way to scarred skin. Sitting on the end of the diving board, she dipped her toes into the water and leaned forward to pull up the cuffs of her pants. The night was just warm enough that the contrast of the cool water sent pleasurable chills up her spine.

A noise at the other end of the pool drew her attention. Another woman stood there, looking almost otherworldly in the diffracted light from the pool. Her red hair gave her away as Rowena MacLeod, the daughter of a local small-time politician, who was looking to move up in the world by becoming Lucifer Morgenstern’s wife. Meg had scoffed when she’d first heard of the young woman joining the household. Just another fly in the famed senator’s web.

“You’re Meg, right?” Rowena’s voice was soft, barely heard over the ever-present lapping of the water. “Meg Masters, the head of security?”

She laughed, the sound almost genuine. “Sure, yeah, that’s what they call me.”

“You’re not actually the head of security?”

“Nope, not me. It’s just a joke in the household.” She noticed how stiffly the woman held herself and motioned to a deck chair. “Take those fancy shoes off, Rowena, and enjoy the water.”

The redhead hesitated, then slipped off the heels and sat at the edge of the pool, careful to keep her long dress from trailing into the water. “So why do they call you that?”

Meg smiled, admiring the long pale legs that were now exposed to her view. “I’ll answer that after you tell me what Luci told you to get you into that fucking ugly dress.”

Rowena’s eyes went wide. “It is not ugly!” But the other woman wasn’t buying it, so she sighed and looked down, picking at the fabric. “You’re right, it’s horrid. The color doesn’t suit me at all.”

“So what’d he say to you to convince you to wear it?”

“He said, ‘You want to be queen, yes? Then you do what the king says.’ I couldn’t say no.”

“You’re here because you’re trying to get into the political scene, right? Think being the wife of a powerful senator will get you fame and fortune?” The redhead nodded and Meg smirked. “Have you tried talking to the women who’ve previously been ‘courted’ by the Morningstar?”

“Women? I hadn’t heard…”

“There’s a reason you haven’t…” The butler interrupted then, saying that Rowena was missed in the ballroom. Meg helped her up from the edge of the pool and got her a towel to dry her feet off, knowing Lucifer would be expecting to hear that she’d helped. As the redhead was walking back to the party with the butler, she spared a glance back at the dark-haired woman, her face thoughtful.

Later that night, Meg stood outside the door to Rowena’s room and listened to Lucifer yell at the woman for asking about the others he’d promised things to. “You don’t get to ask questions, bitch,” he snarled. “You wanted to matter, to be important, so now you pay the price. You’re human, you can break, and you’re mine now. If you think this ends well for you…” He chuckled menacingly. “That’s just the sun in your eyes.”

Then he stormed out and locked the door behind him before grabbing the untied ends of Meg’s tie and dragging her to his bedroom to fuck her raw. No tears fell from her eyes, she was used to it now, and later she laid used on his sheets as he stared at the moon through the window and muttered to himself about being a god.

~~~

Meg found a sort of peace at the bottom of the swimming pool. Even if there were other people in the water, all sound was muted. She was weightless, using a weight as an anchor for as long as she could hold her breath. There was no Lucifer to abuse her, no other women to worry about keeping safe. Just herself and the thoughts of rebellion she only allowed to grow when she was in the water’s embrace.

Today, her peace was shattered by a golf ball sinking past her in front of her face. There was a smear of red on it, probably either lipstick or nail polish, and she let go of the weight to grab it and allow herself to float back up to the surface of the water.

Rowena was waiting for her, like she expected, and she shook her hair back from her face, grinning at the other woman. “What’s up, buttercup?” she asked, resting her elbows on the edge of the pool and rolling the golf ball around in her hand.

The redhead, dressed today in a fashionable pantsuit for some sort of meeting Lucifer had gone to, sat down in front of her, legs tucked to the side. She took off a thin silk scarf, revealing dark purple bruises on her neck, clearly in the shape of fingers. “I can’t do it,” she said softly. “Not any more.”

A pang of sympathy ran through Meg, but she pressed her lips into a thin line as she checked the surroundings for signs of waitstaff before speaking. “You have to. You don’t have a choice now.”

“I always have a choice.”

“Not while he’s alive.”

“Exactly.” Those dark eyebrows rose in surprise, and Rowena’s lip curled slightly. “I’m going to kill him. But I need help.”

It took Meg less than a second to decide, her bottom-of-the-pool thoughts returning. “You have mine.”

“Tell me, first, why you’re called the head of security when you’re not.”

“Because ever since I joined the household, I’ve been in Lucifer’s bed every night. So the security guards joke that I’m in charge of security because I keep the ‘closest eye’ on him.” She used air quotes, her distaste for the title evident in her tone and face.

“How disgusting.”

Meg nodded and then grinned. “You should join me in the pool. Nothing like a good swim to clear your mind and find some peace.”

Rowena raised her eyebrows. “But I don’t have a swimsuit yet.”

“Who cares? You’re at Lucifer’s house, you could skinny dip for all anyone would care.” A blush rose high on the redhead’s cheeks and Meg laughed. “You’ve got a bra and panties on, right? How different is that from a bikini?”

“I suppose you’re right…” She still seemed hesitant, so Meg smirked and pushed away from the edge of the pool, floating on her back leisurely.

“It’s up to you, princess. Don’t let anyone say I forced you to enjoy yourself for a little bit.” She closed her eyes and drifted, grinning after a few minutes when a splash sent a wave to jostle her slightly.

When the sun started to set, they abandoned the pool for the hot tub. Meg stared at the petite figure before her, her eyes were inexorably drawn to the curves of the small of the back and the graceful neck. Rowena ordered the butler, who came out to bring them to dinner, to have their meal brought out to the hot tub. Together, they drank champagne and watched the stars and plotted.

~~~

Meg slowly grew closer and more devoted to Rowena, and she knew it wouldn’t go unnoticed by Lucifer. As expected, about a week after they made their pact to bring him down, she was cornered by the senator. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing,” he growled, caging her in with his arms by her head. “But it needs to stop. You remember why you joined me, right?”

“I wanted to find the people who killed my sister,” she answered quietly, face carefully composed.

“And you never will if you betray me. You’re just as disposable as the rest of them, don’t think you’re different just because you’re the one in my bed every night. That’s just you earning your answers.”

Meg couldn’t help the small smirk on her face as she nodded. “Understood, Senator Morgenstern.”

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed but he moved back, watching her as she walked calmly away. Meg already knew who killed her sister; she’d known from the moment the tall man in the white suit had squeezed the life from her. The real reason she’d joined the household was to have her revenge, and now, years later, she’d finally get it with help from Rowena.

~~~

Rowena walked into Meg’s room, shutting the door behind her before dropping a pile of papers onto her desk. “It’s done,” the redhead said quietly, a triumphant smirk twisting her lips.

Meg grabbed the papers and skimmed them quickly, excitement growing in the pit of her stomach. “Perfect,” she said, looking up. “Then tonight, we make our move. Remember how we’re playing it. You’ll have to let him hit you a couple times for this to work.”

“I remember. I’m not the dumb bimbo he says I am.”

“I know, I’m just double-checking everything. The plan has to work as smoothly as possible for it to succeed.”

“It’s practically foolproof, stop worrying.”

“I’m going to worry until that son of a bitch is dead and you’re in charge.” Meg’s face softened and she smiled at Rowena. “Thank you.”

The redhead frowned slightly. “For what?”

“The opportunity to get my revenge.”

A grin crossed her face. “We women have to stick together in a man’s world.”

~~~

Lucifer paced his room, rage clear on his face as he spun back to face Rowena. “How could you?” he yelled. “You changed my living will and forged the signature?”

The petite woman stood her ground in the face of his anger, her composure as carefully controlled as always. “Yes, I did.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m a greedy bitch,” she said, raising her eyebrows.

Despite the fact that he had most likely been thinking it, Lucifer hadn’t expected her to outright say it. His anger quickly caught up and he smacked her across the face before turning away and heading for the door. “I am going to take care of this… insubordination, and then I am going to deal with you.”

Rowena ran in front of him to stop him and planted her feet, swinging up with her fist to punch him hard in the jaw. As the man stumbled backward, shocked by the blow, she winced and shook her hand, preparing herself for what she knew would come next. Lucifer recovered quickly and launched himself at her, grabbing her around the neck and pushing her to the floor. He didn’t notice the door open and shut behind him, didn’t hear the lock click or Meg’s footsteps on the floor because he was so focused on exacting his anger.

Meg had one of his belts in her hands as she stepped up behind him, quickly looping it around his neck and pulling backwards. His hands flew up to claw at the leather and so released Rowena, who coughed as she crawled away from him. Meg dragged Lucifer by the belt, drawing it tight as she crossed it over and pulled. She put all her strength into it, making sure his airflow was completely cut off.

Lucifer fought against her, as she expected, but as the seconds passed, he grew weaker. His fingers, scrabbling at the belt, grew clumsy and faltered, eventually falling still as his hands dropped to the floor. Blood dripped slowly from his nose and the corner of his mouth, eyes bloodshot. He was dead.

The dark-haired woman dropped the belt and his upper body fell with a thump. Meg’s heart raced with adrenaline, breathing fast as she stood over him, triumphant. She felt powerful, and looked over at Rowena with something like a smile on her face. The redhead was staring at her in awe, as if she was divine. A goddess dealing justice and revenge for those who could not take it for themselves.

~~~

They went to court, of course, because no self-respecting detective sees a person’s fingerprints all over a belt next to a body with neck bruises and thinks it was an accident. And Lucifer’s most loyal men didn’t want a woman suddenly in charge of all of the lawyer’s estate. However, Rowena and Meg had planned for this, and they combined their knowledge of the judicial system with the scars and bruises each held as evidence of Lucifer’s abuse.

Meg plead guilty to killing Lucifer, claiming Battered Person’s Syndrome. She was still sentenced to prison, as she wasn’t his current victim of abuse when she killed him, but the term was only for three years, with parole available on good behavior after two. She floated light despite the cuffs around her wrists, knowing she’d be back to help Rowena run the estate soon. And she’d be able to become a goddess of protection, not just justice and revenge.

“Your place will be waiting for you,” Rowena said softly through the two way phone line.

Meg smiled through the prison glass, nodding. “I know.”

[zmermaidtales]

Colors of June

Chapter 1

(Flashback on how it all started)

It’s June 13th, peak season for travelers going to Europe, everybody has their deadline to meet. People keeps on calling and sending reservations.

I was just greeting Phoebe a good morning when suddenly she enters the room. She’s beautiful and have stunning eyes but there’s something different with her. My heart. Is this love at first sight?

I want to know her so I asked my colleague, “Phoebe who is she?”

“I think she’s a new staff here”, she replied. I smiled widely in my mind. But I don’t know her yet so I called human resource.

“Who’s the new one?”, I asked.

“She’s Meghan, the newly hired of Elite accounts. she’s pretty right? You like her don’t you?”, she replied laughing.

I laugh, “shut up! I just asked”. I dropped the phone

I went back to my work. I have tons of work to do.

I didn’t notice the time, Phoebe called me to grab some lunch.

“Oh it’s already half past twelve, okay let’s go”. I glimpse at Meghan, she’s having a briefing with Nancy.

We brought our food and ate at the pantry. When we were about to finish, Meghan and Nancy entered. They have food with them.

Celine smiled at me and introduced Meghan to everyone in the pantry.

Meghan asked me why I’m only eating fruits, I told her I’m on a diet and she laughed.

“You should still eat small amount of carbs and meat, that won’t work”.

I didn’t respond, I just smiled at her.

Too bad that I have to leave already because it’s only 1 hr break.

Ivy called me after my break. “Hi babe, how are you doing?”.

“Hey, I just had my lunch. Have you eaten?”, I asked.

“Yeah I’m done”, she replied.

“You know there’s a new one here and she’s beautiful”, I laughed teasing her.

“You must behave”, she told me

That was the first time I heard it from her. She never get jealous with anybody, well I’m not flirting with anyone. Unlike her.

“Okay I have to go, Bye”. In a hurry, I drop the call.

Later that afternoon, Meghan was introduced by our HR Manager to every department.

“This is the Travel division and anything you need for your elite clients, you have to coordinate with them.

This is June one of the pioneers here in the company and she’s in charge of tour packages, bookings and anything that concerns marketing and promotion”, Ms.Jasmine explained.

“Hi again June, nice to meet you and I’m looking forward to work with you soon”, Meghan said.

My heart melts. What’s with this feeling? Wake up June! You have to say something to her.

“Yes of course, anything you need you can ask me. Have fun here”, I stuttered.

5pm strikes and Meghan immediately stands, said goodbye to Nancy and their Boss and left.

I wonder why she’s leaving on time, perhaps her home is far from our office.

It’s past 5, Ivy called me, “hey babe can you come here at the office so we can go home together?” I rolled my eyes what’s new?

“Alright babe, I’ll leave now”, I answered back.

We’ve been through a lot for 3 years now and lately we’re not in good terms. But I still make it a point to do some effort because I still love her. Tho it gets lesser everyday.

She doesn’t know, I’m trying to do something to retain my feelings but I just can’t help it. Maybe I’m too kind and forgiving.

My friends would often tell me to love myself first, but this is the way I know how.

I walk 30 minutes everyday to go to Ivy’s office. I wouldn’t dare to take a cab or bus, it’s too traffic.

From their office, that’s where we take cab to our place.

“What do you want for dinner?”, Ivy asked me when we arrived home.

“I’m not hungry, anything will do”, I replied. I’m too tired that day and perhaps a bit distracted.

She noticed my silence and asked,

“How’s your new workmate, what’s her name?”.

I was surprised by her interest. She barely asked me about work.

“Meghan? We didn’t talk, she’s in a different division. They just introduced her to everyone this afternoon”. I respond.

“I’ll just cook pasta”, she replied.

I didn’t answer back. I change my clothes and went to bed. I hope time past by quickly so I can go to work already. Meghan keeps bugging my mind. This is not good.

I woke up the next day feeling excited, I’m like a kid who’s going to school for the first time. I took a bath and chose the best dress that I will look nice.

Ivy noticed, “why are you so pretty today?”. “nothing I just want to look, professional”, I lied.

We left the house early that day because I told her I’m always late.

When I arrived at the office, Meghan is already there. She’s early.

My inner self grin. Why am I this happy to see her?

Days pass by and I am looking forward to work everyday just to see her. It’s Friday and I started my work early since I have a group traveling and all are VIP. They have demanding requests.

Why am I feeling this way? I often look at her while she’s busy working at her desk. I can see her face and unintentionally staring at her eyes. Oh June, this is not right. You’re committed. Repeat the mantra.

You’re not a cheater and never will be, it’s not you.  

I was disturbed by a phone call from Celine before lunch break and she was so happy, “I think she’s a Lesbian”. I was puzzled.

“What? Who?”, I asked.

“Meghan!”, she whispered.

“How did you know?”, I respond

“Come over here when my boss leave for lunch, I’ll show you something”, she replied.

Immediately after her boss left, we ran to her desk. “What now? How did you know?”, I urgently asked.

Celine showed me her online account with a girl on her profile.

“You’re such a judgmental person, perhaps she’s a best friend”, I accused her.

“Oh come one, you already told me you felt something different with her”, she replied.

“That’s not a confirmation”, I told her.

“Fine! then you ask her to come with us later at our dinner”, she winked at me.

“Why me? We’re not even talking. How can I ask her?”, I asked

“You know what to do, you know her schedule. It’s coincidental that every time she went to the bathroom after lunch break, you followed”, she responded teasing me.

I rolled my eyes at her, but it’s true. Why am I even following her? To make a conversation?

After lunch I went to the bathroom then the door opens and it’s Meghan. She’s gonna brush her teeth again as she always does after eating.

I just smiled at her and she smiled back. Bravely, I asked her for tonight’s dinner. “Hey do you have plans tonight?”, I asked.

“Uhm none yet, why?”, she replied

“We have a dinner tonight with some colleagues, you should come. It’s Friday anyway”, I told her

“Sure okay just let me know what time”, she respond

“Okay see you at 6”, I replied

I feel like my blood runs up to my face so I turn away and leave the bathroom. That was awkward

I went back to my desk and saw my phone ringing, it’s Ivy. I answered the call. “Hi babe why?”, I asked

“Nothing, just checkin on you. You didn’t send me a message all morning. Are we going out later tonight?”, she asked

Damn! I forgot that Ivy is joining the dinner.

“Yes we’ll meet at the al fresco restaurant at 6pm. Sorry I’m too busy with groups”, I lied.

“Okay then see you. love you babe”, she said

I was shocked so I just replied “love you bye”, then I press end.

I wasn’t even happy she told me that. Why?

Maybe God already answered my prayer? Is Meghan the answer? I still remember the day when I prayed to Him that one day I woke up and I don’t love Ivy anymore.

It shouldn’t be Meghan, I’m just overthinking. I don’t ever know her.

I focus with my work so time can run quickly. At 5:30 we’re about to leave so I called Meghan first. When her phone rang, she looked at me. I just smiled and she answers. “Hi we’re leaving already”, I said.

“Oh okay can I just follow? I need to finish my report because Ms.Nancy needs it now”, she replied.

“No worries. See you at Al Fresco, it’s in front of this building. Perhaps you come with Jenny, she’s not done yet”, I answered

“Alright see you”, she smiled and drop the phone.

We arrived at the restaurant and surprisingly, Ivy was already there.

“Hi babe you’re early”, I said.

She smiled and stood to kiss me and then Phoebe and Celine.

I’m not used to this, she’s not like this before.

We all sat and started ordering the food. It’s half past 6 when Jenny, Meghan, Sandy and Russell arrived at the restaurant. I introduced Ivy to Meghan ‘coz she’s new to her.

While we’re having dinner, Celine and Meghan excuse themselves to buy cigarette. Upon their return, Celine was so happy.

“It’s confirmed!”, she said happily

“Confirmed?”, I ask confused

“She has a girlfriend”, she whispered to me

My inner self is jumping. On a second thought, I have Ivy. Why am I even so happy to hear the news.

Ivy didn’t notice my silence which is a good thing because I don’t want her to think suspicious.

We were already drinking when Meghan said that she needs to go.

“It’s still too early, come on it’s Friday night. Have some fun”, Celine teased her

“Sorry I still need to meet someone, she’s waiting already”, she replied

On my peripheral view, Ivy looked at me on how I would react. Of course I made myself calm

“Alright, bye! we hope you had fun with us. Thanks for joining tonight”, Celine answered back

She stood and hug Meghan goodbye

It’s awkward that I was just looking at them and smiled at Meghan.

It was past 11 when we paid the bill and went home. I was so tired and almost drunk already. I change my clothes, wash my face and went to bed quickly.

The next morning, Ivy called me when I was about to leave the bed

“Hey it’s a saturday why are you up so early?”.

I almost forgot. Damn it

“I’m hungry already, I drank a lot last night remember”, I lied

She went back to sleep and I cooked breakfast. I’m starting to hate weekends because I can’t see her.

While I’m cooking, all I’m thinking is Meghan. What is she doing now? Where does she live? Who’s the lucky girl?

I don’t know anything about her. We barely talk, well maybe because she’s having lunch later than us. I don’t even have her number or social media accounts.

Right! I need to search for her. I looked for my phone and start searching her name in Facebook Meghan Castillo. It’s not showing, how did Celine found her.

I tried searching for her twitter account. It’s not on private. there’s not much tweets since a month ago? She’s not an outgoing person, isn’t she?

Most of her posts were mad or sad or disappointed, why?

I wasn’t aware that Ivy is already up to get her plate and eat breakfast with me. I immediately delete the search engine of my accounts. Tho she’s not used to check any of my accounts, it’s better to be safe.

“Hey have you confirm our out of town trip next weekend with Phoebe and Russel?”, she asked

God! I almost forgot.

“Yes of course! Phoebe already paid the reservation for it”, I replied

“So how are you and The new girl?���, she asked with emphasis in the word new girl.

“What? Why are you even asking?”, I answered back while looking at my food

“Nothing just asking, anything wrong with that?”, she ask again

“Well we barely talk, even for lunch she’s not joining us, she’s on a different department”, I answered back

“I see”, she respond not interested

We just watch movies the whole day. It’s a typical weekend when we don’t have any plans of going out. Lying in bed all day, pizza deliveries, and hanging out at a nearby coffeeshop.

Finally it’s a Monday, I was excited to see her again.

When I arrived at the office, she’s not there. She was never late. Where is she?

I checked her schedule, she has a training. Too bad I won’t be able to see her

I started my work and suddenly a new number sent me a message

“Hi How are you? I’m bored in this training, who needs this anyway? Oh by the way this is Meghan”

I was surprised, how did she even get my number?

I immediately replied, “Hi, what are you doing in the training? And how did you get my number?”

“Sorry I asked it from Celine, is it okay?” She replied

“Yes no worries”, I replied. I was delighted to know that

“You seems busy, it’s okay you can reply to my messages on your break.”, she was worried

“I’m almost done actually with the group I’m handling, it’s fine”. I respond

“So how was your weekend? How was Ivy?”, she asked curiously.

“She’s fine, I mean we’re fine. Nothing new, how about you and?” I asked

“Natalie, typical weekend. Movies and her family” she replied

Natalie, the lucky one. She noticed my mood, she suddenly asked “Do you like me?”

I was shocked

“I don’t know why?”, I replied aggressively

“Calm down, I’m just distracting you from overthinking”

Oh No, what did I just told her! Do I really like her?

Is that even possible to happen? That fast? Falling for someone?

“Let’s not talk about them, I’m coming back there after the training do you want to have a drink?” She asked

“Sure, I’ll see you later”, my heart is beating so fast and I don’t understand why

This is the first time again that I’m having butterflies in my stomach

I immediately called Ivy and told her that I’m having an overtime at work so she doesn’t need to wait for me

Time is so slow, I want the shift to end already

She called at 6pm and I was waiting for that actually

We had a drink at a bar 2 blocks away

She had a juice and I ordered for Margarita, she was surprised

“Hey I don’t want you to be drunk” she said

I laughed, “chill it’s just one glass. Don’t worry”

“So let me know who is June, I heard a lot about you”, she said

“I’m just a typical model employee”, we both laughed

“As I can see yes, everyone’s telling me to ask you whenever I have questions with Elite account. You must be the Goddess” She laugh

“Who said that, it’s an overstatement” I laughed

“Okay let me know about your educational background, summa cum laude I supposed?” She asked

“No, I’m not really good in academics and I hate Math. I focused on charities and organisations in the university, I was a President then” I respond

“Wow! I didn’t know that”. She replied

“I really want to take up culinary, but my dad won’t let me. He wants me to finish a degree first. So I took up management, and look at me now? At the travel industry” I laughed

“Nothing’s wrong with that, you’re good at your work” she replied

“So how about you, you’re a chef right?” I asked

“How did you know that?, stalker!” She laughed

“You post your life too much on social media” I laughed

“I’m an orphan, my adopted parents died 10 years ago”, she respond sadly

“I’m sorry to hear that, you said adopted?” I asked

“Yes I’m adopted, my biological mother was the sister of my adopted father”, she replied

“Was?” I asked

“Yeah she died 5 years ago, but we’re never close. I only met her twice or thrice I think” she replied

This is a news, and it hits me. How did she lived? Means of living? 10 years? And now she look so stable, but you cannot hide the pain in her eyes

“My mom died because of organ failure and my dad due to heart attack 5 years after”, she continued

“Oh” that’s the only respond I could get

“But don’t worry I’m fine, I’m still alive” she laughed painfully and it’s hurting me, why

“Anyway, you’re a chef and I believe you can cook” I teased her

She laughed, “yes I do, what can I cook for you”

She’s flirting me, is this good flirting or bad flirting? Flirting was never good June

“It’s almost 9, I should go home and so are you. We can have another drink on Friday. Ivy will have an overnight with her friends” I interrupted her

“Sure, my treat”, she promised

I was looking forward for Friday, since our so-called “first date” happened, I was thinking of her way of living, her house.

Her life without her parents? And she’s an only child.

On Thursday night, Ivy and I had a fight

It’s another non sense fight, she won’t understand my reasons. She always makes me feel I’m the wrong person in this relationship

I never stopped her for what she wants and yet she always blamed me for having no friends to keep

Was that ever my fault? Am I being too clingy?

I just always think about why she’s living in the city and having a hard time with her work, is because of me.

When I went to work on a Friday morning, I was so sleepy and grumpy. I don’t want to talk to anybody, not even my friends my clients or my boss

Meghan noticed my mood and sent me a message

“What’s wrong?, you never smiled this morning, what happened?” She asked

I was about to cry because I hate these kinds of fight, I cannot concentrate at work

“Nothing, just sleepy”, I replied

“You still want to have a drink later” she asked

“Yeah of course, I badly need it”, I replied

“Oh something serious huh?, no worries let’s have fun later” she smiled at me when I looked at her

My heart! She’s making my day without any effort. Stop thinking now June and have fun later

Hours passed and I received a ping in my chat

“Stop working now and let’s have fun!”, she said

I laugh “okay then let’s go and have fun, make sure I will forget my problem”

“Oh yes you will” she replied

It’s a first time ever in my life to entertain a total stranger, no common friends at all.

I’m not the type of person who’s having fun talking with different people.

Even my friends set me up for blind dates but I don’t like it.

And why am I feeling that I am actually enjoying her company? The funny conversation, painful memories, her being witty and just her life as it is.

She got me into something that I was never sure of.

I like her and it hit me, I like somebody else when I was already in-love with someone. Is that even possible?

Or do I still love Ivy?

Many questions, no answer.

Either way, one has to end

I’m not so sure of my relationship right now. It’s getting complicated everyday because of our non sense fights

I’m too tired proving myself that I can be enough for someone.

Do I really have to prove myself? Is that even love?

Maybe the real answer is, I don’t love myself that much

“Hey!”, Meghan shouted. This place was so crowded and so loud

“I’m sorry, I can’t help thinking of our fights”. I said sadly

“You know it’s part of being in a relationship, non sense fights, misunderstandings, trying to prove yourself to bring back her trust”, she replied

I laughed

“Why are you laughing?”, she asked

“I thought I’m the only one who has a love problem here”, I continued laughing

She laughed

“But you know it’s true, it’s hard to prove yourself everyday to a person who doesn’t trust you anymore”, she said

“Ok, enough about me. Tell me your story”, I told her

“We started at the wrong time and bad situation of our lives. I was committed then and so is she”, she respond

This sounds familiar, but I don’t want to be like that

“We met at a pool party, she was so beautiful. I went to one of the rooms to change and saw her so drunk then she kissed me.

I told her she’s getting me into trouble because my friend is courting her”, she continued.

I’m feeling a little jealous though she is committed to someone that time, well not a good sign of being a faithful partner

She asked me about my family, my friends, what I want in life, what I do when I’m not at work, and Ivy.

5 glasses of Margarita. It’s just midnight but I’m feeling a little dizzy already

Ivy is not at home. I don’t want to go home yet but I’m so sleepy

Meghan offered to drop me at my place, while on our way to my house we just talk and share stories until I cried

Then suddenly she kissed me, the world stopped

This is the feeling that’s happening in movies, I don’t even know if it’s real

That was our first kiss and she kiss me again. Deeper, I felt loved

This is wrong. But I kissed back

“Why’d you do that?”, I asked her confused

“So you can stop crying, you’re beautiful okay? And with a big heart, you deserve better”, for once I believed her

That was 3 years ago but whenever I think of that night, butterfly still flutters inside me.

Happy and fun memories, I need to hold on to that so I can still go back to her and tell her I love her. I still love her

For 3 years, I trusted her. I believed in her. I never give up on her. Just now

I can’t bare the pain she has caused me. But should I really blame her?

Perhaps it is also my fault. My fault for trusting her again even if there are red flags already, I did not let her go

I still chose to be by her side regardless of what she’s doing

I was in denial for so long believing that she love me and I love her

These are the things that keeps running my mind when I was on my way to Zurich

Train ride is long

[itsjayyyy]

June 26th, 2019 11:50 am

holy hell it’s been a long time since my last update. First of all: that last update ended at a really climactic moment and I’m mad that I don’t remember what happened next, or even that it ever happened. It’s like reading a book that ends on a cliffhanger and has no sequel.

So I did end up getting everything from the last update resolved. Rose took a week but finally responded with “you’ve made a lot of valid points, I want to work harder to repair our friendship.” Regardless of whether I believe her, at least I had this exchange to hold her accountable. I got my tire changed a week after I said I would. My mechanic looked at it and was like “what the fuck is wrong with you” because the strip became a continuous 2.5-inch wide belt of smoothness. We passed the apartment inspection, but they did charge me the $250 for the pet fee. No big deal tho.

Recently mom has been wanting to move back to michigan. She’s tired of florida and the market is perfect for selling the house now. But dad says he won’t move until he can see for sure that rose gets her degree and can move out on her own terms, financially stable. Mom wants to give rose a hard deadline to move out. I agree with mom, rose is getting far too old to be living at her parent’s home rent free considering she makes almost double what I do, and I’m entirely independent. Like seriously, where is her money going? An ounce of weed a week? Buying her boyfriend a new xbox and games? Fixing her piece of shit car which broke down again a week later? (she wants to buy a stick shift this time. I’m not gonna tell her it’s a bad idea, bc she’ll prob sell it to me for cheap after she gives up learning to drive). Now iris and I are trying to apply gentle pressure on her to get her life together, and by that I mean I lashed out pretty strongly over text and now iris is gonna come by and comfort rose while also subtly agreeing with me.

I just barely passed my classes and kept my scholarship with a 3.008 gpa. tell me that ain’t god’s work. I failed calculus with a whole F again, but I’m gonna really give it a better shot next semester. I *will* at least get a C. 

My comp 2 professor nominated me for the stylus award. I don’t think I’ll win because personally I think my essay was a rushed mess, but it’s nice to know that he thought it was that good. I picked up my portfolio from him, but haven’t reread it yet. Also, I stopped browing r/braincels like I used to. Even after the semester ended, I would still read every post for a long time, but I finally stopped when I felt like my mental health was declining. I mean, I don’t need to keep reading it anyways, the project is over. Sometimes I’ll go back on it and read a few posts, but not often.

This update is just pure procrastination btw. Not only am I procrastinating studying for my two midterms tomorrow, but also because I got back on Tinder last night and got three messages. I’m really an all-or-nothing kinda guy, I don’t like the idea of dating multiple people at once. which apparently isn’t how tinder is supposed to work; some online articles say “it’s best to have 10 conversations going at once” which I hate because it makes people seem so disposable. I swear, straight people treat dating as a business transaction, they’re always trying to shop around and discard what they have for a better thing. Anyways I don’t know how to respond to the messages, especially since I really only want to talk to one person at a time.

So anyways. Last semester ended, the summer semester began. Do you remember the first semester of college, how that one guy at a club meeting was a total creep and followed me (us?) onto the city bus and couldn’t take a hint to leave? Well I’m pretty sure he’s in my comp sci class, and he sits three seats to the left of me and looks over at me like once every 5 minutes. Also, two weeks into the semester, savon figured out I’m in discrete structures and has since then come to sit in on the lectures. And last thursday he loitered around the bookshelves near my seat in the library for an hour. I mean really, is he SO interested in plant diseases that he stared at the spines of the books for a whole hour?? I hate men.

Because of that, I had to study in HPA instead. It brought back memories, from when I thought I wanted to major in social work. Still love that vending machine they have that can make a latte for $1.50, I wish they had more of them on campus. Anyways as I was sitting there, this guy walked past me, then turned around and was like “oh I think you’re in my comp sci class.” He asked what we did in class and tbh it took me a hot minute to remember because my attention span has been shot recently. Dude didn’t even know we have an exam on thursday. He seemed kind of friendly, he’s majoring in computational physics. He asked me what my discord username and I hesitated before telling him bc like 2 hours prior, I said “man, that’s the first time anyone has said they love me in years” (in regards to the professor telling us he loves us).

I’m doing pretty decent in my classes. Definitely gonna get A’s or B’s in them. I’ve become more cordial with my parents too, I visit them once a week/every two weeks-ish. Rose and I had an argument on memorial day. She was basically delegating me to permanent third wheel, because she says she “never gets to act like a couple with peter in front of other people.” Apparently I’m a second-class citizen to “other people” since I’m the one that gets excluded. And it’s even worse considering the fact that rose is pretty much the only person that I talk to these days, like I have no other friends, so the few moments we do hang she wants to ignore me. I told her about this and all of a sudden she started saying “oh well you don’t even care about me anyways” like wow that’s not gaslighting or anything. 

That was about a month ago, and I’ve been in virtually complete isolation since then. I’ve hung out with heather for about two hours total in the last month, and other than that it’s just utter loneliness. Honestly I’m pretty sure my vocal cords are gonna grow weak from disuse; I mean I’ve rarely spoken my entire life and now it’s just getting worse. Severe isolation like this really feels like it’s deteriorating my brain; my memory is getting weaker, I can’t focus, all I think about is how I’m completely ugly and unloveable and nobody wants to be my friend because I’m such a horrible person. 

This lasted for all of gemini season, and at the start of cancer season I just started crying at everything. On sunday before I went to work I started watching she ra on netflix. By the second episode I had already cried twice; once because I thought it was so great that adora had friends who cared about her, once because I felt bad for catra for feeling abandoned. Then I cried at work because this family came in, dumped off their son in a wheelchair with a laptop, and then never came back for him the rest of the night. Then I cried the next morning because I felt lonely. Then I opened r/sad, read the most upvoted story, and cried again at that. I hate cancer season.

My life (financially and academically) is going fine, but the loneliness is what’s still making me feel like shit, which is why I got back on tinder. I mentioned that already, right? yeah, I still don’t know how to respond. There’s this one girl who also looks hapa like me, and by her bio I really want to talk to her but I’m nervous. Last night I was like “lemme smoke a little to relax then I’ll message her” but then after smoking I was like “lemme have some vodka and punch” and then I decided to do a hair mask, followed by a long shower, followed by taking nudes (it was a lot of vodka, man). And by then it was 10pm and I couldn’t respond without looking sleazy. So now, here I am, at 1:17 pm the next day, and I still haven’t responded. Or studied for my midterms tomorrow. I’m gonna die.

[travelforone-blog]

Slagelse

#ckringenisforthechildren

Date Location Discipline, club Result 2017-04-01 Slagelse, Denmark Landevej, CK Ringen 21/28 and about 15 dropped

Pre pre race

Waw, it's been a while since cross ... I went to Tenerife after last cross race, you know, because everyone has to go to Canary islands to cycle, right? RIGHT? Fuck that shit, one night we got so drunk we lost a friend, he never made it home, we assumed he was dead ... I guess that's what happens if 5 shots cost 5 EUR AND you get a bottle of shit champaigne on the top ... #carbloading? So ... experiencd looking for a corpse with a massive hangover in weird piss smelling corridors under bars in party alleys. He was ok, he went to an afterparty with Norwegians. Fucking Norwegians ... Never planned to touch a bike that week, would probably punch it after .... also, beer costed 1 EUR. Ah yes, I was pretty fed up with bikes by that point, I counted 15 cross races and 13 road races from last season ... I should probably write a retrospective post ... By the looks of it I spend ... 28 days racing and ... at least twice that amount training, AT LEAST ... so ... FML ... wait, I have no life ... UGHHHH Come January I hooked up with a coach and this new super system called xert which has numbers and graphs and these projected values and shit and I started training again ... Indoors, in front of a fan ... soooo muuuuuch fun I like having a coach, I lack the discipline to be my own coach ... Ola, you the MAN! So January, February, Marchuary was a combination of 3 - 5 - 5 - 1, XSS here, XSS there ... What this means is: 3-5x hard session per week, rest, contemplate dying, train, rest, can one die from exhaustion, train, hate life, train, hate bike, train, recover, cook, eat, cook, eat, eat, WHERE IS MY CHOCOLATE??? Let's buy some chips ... I will totally start eating healthy when the season starts ... repeat Nothing new ... So I spend ... way more than 30 hours training in jan, feb and march ... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ In the meantime we shot a promo video for a company to earn some money for the kids in the club. See screen grab above ... we had fun ... At some point I get a VO2max and lactate threshold test, best numbers ever. I was in a shit mood tho, work got in the way that day, it got in my head, IN MY HEAD ... But then I also started riding outside, like ... well, - 130km with my cross bike in rain with dry chain lube (now THAT was funny) - 120km and 100km with my road bike - 1x lågtempo intervallen with klubben - 1x shitty attempt at solo intervals that resulted in my knee hurting and me feeling like shit for 2 days Ah yes, my knee started hurting on my bike, I guess the saddle went to shit ... Get paycheck, buy licenses (plural, this shit is real yo!), sign up for Slagelse, let the tension rise ... Shave legs, best 2 hours of the week ... Contemplate cutting hair, but after a comment from Glenn: 'Dude, I am losing mine, so you are definitelly keeping yours, I encourage long hair' I decide to keep it ... Stop by Musette and SLAM THAT STEM (thanks guys, you're the best) Avoid alcohol whole week, yeah right, stress at work, meet deadlines, amazing, have 2 beers on Thursday, friday night ... well, I had a hof after 3 alkoholfree beers, let's leave it at that ... Wait, are we doing the whole alcohol thing again this year? FUCK ...

Pre-race

Play this and read on ...

Yodh by מזמור

Samling klubben kl. 8, ahhh, the little perks of racing in C Jonte shows up all wet, got cought by rain cycling form Lund #hardcore We take a trashcan full of cans and a bag of cement out of the van and off we go, TO DENMARK! Arrive at location, wait in line to pickup numbers, Jonte is shaking because he's cold, I take my jacket and cover him His parents observing: Aaaaawwwwwww, rigtig bra vannër ... situation almost gets emotional for a second Observe some TreBerg pros just chillin on their expensive bikes, observe some other pros chill on some other expensive bikes ... fuck me I am poor .... ehhhh Marcus is coming by in D so we go and watch, the mandatory D break passes, mhm, he did not make it ... peloton comes by, he's in there HEJA MARCUS KÖR HARD ... Me and Jonte: he looks tired ... yes, he does, he was sick whole week ... how was his training this winter? ... Well, not so good ... ah, he's a student, right, so just partying and shit, girls, booze? ... Haha, no, does not drink or party at all ... WTF? ... Yeah, he just plays videogames ... Ehhhhhh Get to van, grab bike, try to register, system says I am a Junior, some dudes laugh at that, me too, hahahaha det ikke dig? neeej, det var ikke mig ... HAHAHA ... fuck me I'm old ... Eventually, things get sorted out ... Notice the registration trailer is made by Adria, #ifeelslovenia Also notice the bed inside has a sticker that says: MAX 70kg ... well, that's kinda pointless ... Warmup, lineup for start, observe Jonte has no arm warmers ... take off arm warmers ... observe Jonte has no gloves ... take off gloves ... Jonte's dad: wanna take off the shirt too? Nah, forgot to shave chest ... Observe a random Swedish cyclist from ... Jönköpings Cykelklubb ... Observe the Sagan look and the lack of interest in marshall talking ... All photos by: Tim R. Larsen

Plan

Plan before today: exchange in chasing down attacks, stay in front, don't attack unless it gets really booring Plan today: Jonte - I'm just gonna chill for the first 2 laps, me: DEATH BEFORE DNF, AARGGGHHHHHH, you're kidding Jonte, right?

Race

We start, I stay up front, good job Miha There is this huge ABC dude who is like all over the place, looking back, talking loud ... jerk, I hope you get dropped After first couple of rolling hills we enter into a big road and KANTVIND YES, I WAITED ALL FUCKING WINTER FOR THIS BRING IT OOOONN!!!!1! booom, attack, couple of riders go, I am in front of peloton, normal pace, waiting for Jonte to launch behind ... nope Pace picks up, I wait ... nope EVERYONE SPRINTING FUUUUUUUCK Chase, chase, chase ... ok, we're goood, contact regained Right turn, again, pace picks up, as we hit the first smaller climb attack, uphill, kantvid Left turn, kantvind, downhill, attacks keep coming, we're chasing, I am chasing for my fucking life here ... Jonte? Nope ... Random Swedish dude goes, for like 2 seconds ... Big road, kantvind, new break of 3 is like 15s ahead, I lead the pack, try to chase ... I tire myself out chasing and then everyone starts springintg again AGAIN ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? ... well, it was painful but I got back in pack, in the back Oh, there's Jonte ... (later, the xert graphs show it was like really painful, like, lines were crossing and shit ... amazing) Final climb - kantvind, attack again UUUGHHH Start-finish straight, kantvind, attacks again ... Lap 1 done Internal evaluation of the situation: This is gonna hurt ... Lap 2 mellows down a bit, but it's still fucking crazy in kantvind Big road, we're all over the place, avoind oncoming traffic by like 2cm just to have that wheel RANDOM RANT: Hey douchebag driver, I wonder if you would be so fucking brave enforcing your right of way against an oncoming truck in your lane. Or a tank. Or a plane ... Yeah?!? ... I thought so ... fucking arrogant cunt, fuck you ... I mean there is this downhill section with kantvind, we're going all out, really ALL OUT just to keep the wheel of the guy in front ... Insane ... Jettison an empty bottle just after the finishline #feelingpro Lap 2 done Notice Random Swedish dude is dropped, so is large ABC loudmouth ... haha Internal reevaluation of the situation: Well, actually, this is manageable ... ASS CRAMP FML At some point there is an attack and Jonte joins GO JONTE ... but we all accelerate, so they're caught Lap 3 is fun, we actually form a chasing group up front, we're 5-6 cyclist chasing a group of 3 that made it at some point I even shout a bit since people stop working after a right turn Mmmm, shouting at people ... By the end of lap 3 just before the climb noone wants to really pull, so ... little break, we're looking at eachother ... NOTE: last climb is a small road, so it's important how one is positioned, so about 2km to that intersection all hell breaks loose when people want to get into right position There we are, just looking at eachother ... and BOOOM, people start going, all over the place, chasing here, there ... I do a bit of too much effort, shoft to the wrong side in the wind ... Try to catch a wheel but everyone is zooming by, no gaps, no nothing 20 like riders pass me FUUUUUCK Chasing, chasing, chasing ... ok, contact Last climb, finish straight fast pace ... I'm dead ... I definitelly burned my last match there Internal reevaFUCK THIS SHIT, FUCKING WIN IT OR DIE Death metal song plays in head ... Last lap Plan - keep things under control, stay up front, whatever happens, stay up front ... It hurts, but I stay up front I slide back a bit on the big open road and BAM, CRASH, BIKES FLYING AND THERE IS A RED TREK COMING MY WAY IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII OK, AVOIDED Aftermath ... chase, chase, chase ... Internal thought: Maybe the DIE methafor was too much? Close every gap, EVERY FUCKING GAP Enter last climb, good position, all good, let's see if we can get the final attack in LEG CRAMPS I guess not ... Ease the pace, nicely get to the finish with another dropped dude

Post race

Get to the van, change, barely walk Buy a chocolate milk, cake and water with money I won at a cross race #feelingpro Look for bottle in grass, no bottle, it's gone ... Get in van, get home Foam roll, eat, have 2 beers, watch a documentary titled 'The Swedish theory of love', sleep

These help me do what I love, go pay them a visit: Musette 184 RACEDAY