#i am trying out this cool new thing where i let myself feel emotions i am ashamed of

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 53

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Words : 6k

Masterlist

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Sunday, February 14th; 8:15 AM - Hotel Room.

I could enjoy Lucy's gentle strokes for hours. She's been caressing my back for a while now. No sound of an alarm or any other noise... Just her soft touch was enough to pull me out of my dreams. Dreams... That word had long disappeared from my vocabulary.

“Baby,” she whispers. “I know you're awake. I'm starting to think it's a habit of yours.”

There's amusement in her voice. I groan, squeezing the pillow tighter against me.

“It feels nice,” I reply.

Much better than the first time I woke up to find myself eating the floor. I smile at the memory. We’ve come a long way since then. I feel much more at peace with myself now. I force myself to turn my head to face her and open my eyes. Her head rests on her palm. I focus on her lips, where a smile spreads as soon as she sees my blue eyes.

“There they are, my two little gems.”

“Hey...” I whisper, hiding my face in the pillow.

“Oh no... Don’t hide your face from me,” she giggles.

I melt at her natural tenderness. It’s a completely different side of her than what she showed me at the beginning. She’s gone from being harsh, even unbearable, to the woman in front of me. The change is more than pleasant. I know, though, that she’s not giving her all. She’s holding back, trying not to overwhelm me. It’s been even worse since my revelations yesterday. Even though she hasn’t said anything, I noticed it affected her deeply. She probably didn’t expect such severe emotional consequences. It's something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Lucy understood that, and it seems she doesn’t know how to navigate the situation. But one thing is certain: she handled it well. Her affection has only grown. Although we’ve never hidden our relationship from our friends here, her public displays of affection have intensified. She’s constantly reminded me of her presence with little touches. She knew exactly what I needed: her presence. With these thoughts, I smile as I lift my head from the pillow, making her smile more beautiful through the sunlight.

“What time is it?”

“Almost eight-thirty.”

“Oh no!” I whine in a plaintive tone. “Are you serious? We said we’d sleep in today!”

“Sweetie...” she tries, playfully.

“What? You could’ve let me sleep. That’s really not cool,” I lament.

“Baby...”

“No, but seriously. Don’t try to calm me down. I really thought I could catch up on my sleep to make sure I could handle this busy week,” I continue.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.”

I was ready to defend my stance with new arguments, but her words froze me, eyes wide open. Valentine’s Day...? Crap! My lips, slightly parted, can’t produce a sound. How could I forget this day? Lucy’s smirk widens into a sly smile. Before I can react, she leans in to tenderly claim my lips. My body responds instinctively to her action. Her lips moving against mine completely soothe me. For someone who wanted to be romantic for her girlfriend, well... I failed. I was totally useless. This was an opportunity not to be missed. To be honest, I don’t remember ever celebrating this holiday. Mapi found it too commercial during our years together. She always said we didn’t need a specific day to remind someone that we loved them. As for Feli, the question didn’t even arise. We had no concept of time as we were usually high most of the time. As for the others, we were never together long enough, so they didn’t count.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Lucy,” I murmur as blushes creep onto my cheeks.

“Did I do the right thing by waking you up after all?” she teases.

I groan and collapse onto her, hiding my face in her neck. She laughs, holding me tightly in her arms, letting her legs tangle with mine. I kiss the exposed skin of her neck repeatedly, making her laugh. I wasn’t the only one who discovered that the neck was a sensitive spot after our cuddling sessions. I eventually stop, letting out a satisfied sigh.

“I’ve planned a day just for the two of us today,” she announces.

“Really?” I ask, propping myself up on my elbows. “Just the two of us?”

“Just the two of us,” she repeats with amusement. “I hope you don’t mind that I took over organizing this first day as a couple.”

“Of course not. I just feel stupid for forgetting this day,” I admit, embarrassed.

“It’s okay,” she reassures me.

“What about the others?”

“Jenni and Ingrid planned their day with their daughter. As for the other, they’re old enough to manage a day without us.”

I can’t believe it... They all did this for us. It’s really sweet. I’m already excited to share my day with the girls, who must be feeling the same euphoria as me right now. Our little bubble is interrupted by a knock at the door. Lucy kisses my temple before gently pushing me back into place.

“Stay in bed. I’ll get it.”

“Who is it?”

“You’ll see,” she smiles mischievously.

I pull the blanket up over my body as I watch her put on a cardigan to cover her thin pajamas. She then walks over to open the door. I blink several times as I see a hotel employee enter with a cart. The first thing that catches my attention is the enormous bouquet of red roses on top. The second is the metal cloches likely covering plates. Lucy thanks him and quickly closes the door after he wishes us a good day.

“Oh, Lucy...”

So much emotion fills my words. No one has ever done this for me before. She smiles as she wheels the cart closer to the bed. She takes a rose from the vase and crawls over to give it to me. I take it delicately, blushing intensely. If this isn’t a significant gesture, I wouldn’t know what is...

“Today is our first Valentine’s day... I want you to feel as comfortable and loved as possible... Simply because I love you and you deserve it.”

My heart skips a beat in surprise. I look up to meet her gaze. She just told me she loves me. The emotion is so overwhelming that I can’t hold back the tears that have formed. She smiles even more before cupping my cheeks to wipe them with her thumbs. Before she can do anything else, I pull her down by the neck and kiss her fervently. My attention causes her to lose her balance, and she ends up lying on top of me. Neither of us is bothered as we continue our passionate exchange. All my emotions pour out without restraint. I didn’t expect this revelation to affect me so much, yet here we are. She loves me. It’s hard to believe. She gently pulls away to kiss each of my cheeks in turn.

"I know it might be too soon for you... We've always taken things slowly, but I needed to tell you. I could feel it, you know, that you were still unsure and didn't fully trust me in this relationship."

"Lucy..." I tried to interject.

"No," she shook her head. "You have nothing to blame yourself for. I was the one who underestimated the impact of your past. My initial rejection didn’t help either. You had every right to keep your distance. I never showed that I had doubts. Just know that I never made fun of you. I truly love you, and I intend to prove it to you every day from now on."

The warm tears continued to flow. I wasn’t ready for all these revelations. I so badly wanted to shout that I loved her back, but the lump in my throat wouldn’t let me. As if she knew what I was thinking, she smiled at me before kissing my forehead. She caressed my cheek as she stood up.

"I’ll go prepare our plates."

"Thank you..."

My words carried a lot of meaning. She must know that I wasn’t just thanking her for that. It was for everything she had done from the beginning. Without me saying a word, she understood my fears. She won’t abandon me. She proved it in the most beautiful way by confessing her love. Our bond was strong, but I didn’t know how far it extended on her side. Now I know. She knelt in front of the cart to start preparing the breakfast. I wiped my cheeks before sitting up properly in bed. I stared at the rose, turning it between my fingers while she prepared our breakfast. My stomach growled just from the smell of the pancakes as she removed the cover. She turned around and placed a tray in front of my crossed legs.

"Thank you..." I murmured.

"My pleasure, my love. Be careful not to spill anything."

This new nickname made me blush. I nodded at her warning. She served me pancakes with a small layer of maple syrup. She also thought of my favorite hot chocolate, accompanied by a glass of orange juice. I could count the breakfasts we’ve shared on the fingers of one hand, yet she already knows my habits. She slid under the covers next to me before placing a similar tray in front of her. However, she replaced my hot drink with coffee and added a fruit salad. Without asking for permission, I stole a piece of apple from the top.

"You might end up eating fruit in the mornings after all," she teased.

"Maybe," I replied with a smile. "Enjoy your meal!"

Impatience and the delicious smell wafting through my nostrils took over. I didn’t wait any longer to dig into the dish. I moaned in satisfaction after the first bite. It was truly delicious. Lucy chuckled as she brushed the corner of my lip with her finger to collect the maple syrup. I blushed when she brought it to her mouth. I caught her off guard by peppering her face with little kisses.

"Stop," she giggled. "You're going to make me spill everything."

"That would be a shame."

"I agree, with all the effort I put into it," she smiled playfully.

"Thank you again... No one has ever done this for me before."

"A first then. I like being the first."

"Me too," I admitted.

Mapi was the first for many things. She was my first time, and I think Lucy suspects that. That’s probably why she felt threatened. Who wouldn’t want to have their first time with someone they trust? That was the case for me, and I will never regret it, no matter who I’m with now. The ideal would have been to spend my life with that person, but it’s rare for that to happen these days. Many try before finding the right person. I think I’ve found mine. I admire Lucy and could spend hours talking about her. She was staring at me with a curious expression.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," I shook my head. "I’m just happy to be with you. You said you had a plan... What are we doing then?" I changed the subject.

"Get ready for a busy day, that’s all I can tell you. We’ll be leaving in about an hour."

"I thought you didn’t like sophisticated things?"

"Who said it was?" she raised an eyebrow. "Then again... Maybe it will be."

I chuckled, shaking my head. I’m not even surprised considering how the morning started. I’m eager to discover what she has planned for us. I resumed eating with enthusiasm, making Lucy laugh.

"Take it easy, baby. I don’t want you to have a stomachache."

"It’s so good though," I said with my mouth full.

"It shows," she chuckled.

I chewed quickly so I could speak.

"But your pancakes are still the best."

"Thank you. I’ll make sure to cook them for you again then."

I nodded eagerly, approving of the idea. As someone who loves breakfast, the one Lucy makes for me is my favorite. She’s a real goddess in the kitchen.

"Can I marry you for your culinary skills?"

She laughed heartily.

"If you ever decide to propose, I hope that won’t be the only reason."

"Oh, it won’t be. Gosh, hurry up and finish eating! I want to start this day as soon as possible."

"We have all the time in the world, I promise," she laughed. "I’ll be the one managing the time, so don’t worry about it. I just want you to enjoy yourself."

I didn’t listen to her and kept eating eagerly. I couldn’t wait to start this day together. It’s all I’ve hoped for since we arrived here.

Sunday, February 14th; 09:30 AM - Hotel.

"A carriage?" I asked, stunned.

We had just stepped out of the hotel, and I had to blink several times to make sure I was seeing correctly.

"Good morning, ladies. Ready for your ride in the forest?"

I looked at Lucy in surprise. Did she really arrange this? She smiled softly, seeing my expression.

"Really?"

"Really. Thank you for your time," she thanked the man who would be our coachman for the ride.

"It’s my pleasure. I’ll let you board."

The man, who looked to be in his fifties, opened the small door of the carriage for us. Lucy extended her hand for me to hold as I stepped up. I smiled as I discovered a thick, neatly folded wool blanket on the seat. I laid it across my lap while waiting for Lucy to join me. She sat beside me with a contagious grin.

"I suggest you use the blanket. It will get cold during the ride."

"That’s exactly what I was about to do," I replied.

Lucy helped me unfold it so we could both be covered. She opened her arm, and I didn’t need long to understand the message. I snuggled up against her as she wrapped her arm around me. She kissed my temple.

"Shall we stick to the planned route?" the man asked Lucy.

"Yes, of course. Thank you for coming just for us."

"It’s my pleasure. It is a special day, after all. »

- "You came here just for us?" I asked in surprise.

- "It's Sunday," Lucy explained. "He usually doesn't work today, but he agreed to make an exception when I told him it was for Valentine's Day."

- "Oh," I said, snuggling closer to Lucy. "Thank you for that. It's very kind of you."

- "Oh, it's perfectly normal. As I said earlier, it's my pleasure."

He positioned himself at the front, taking hold of the reins. I had never been on a carriage ride before, nor had I even seen one in real life. Sharing this experience with Lucy warmed my heart. It's truly something intimate, given our close position. The man at the front guided the horses and started them moving. We were gently rocked as the carriage began to move. I smiled at the new sensation.

- "This is the first time I've done this with two women. Not that it bothers me," he quickly added.

- "It's no problem at all," Lucy chuckled at his awkwardness.

- "It's surprising that two young people like you are interested in this kind of ride."

- "Why do you say that?"

- "I don't know. It's rare for me to take young people on rides these days. It's a tradition that's fading. Young people don't seem to think about it anymore."

- "That's a real shame," I commented. "This is my first time doing this, but I've always dreamed of it. I've always thought it was fantastic and... romantic."

I accompanied my words with a kiss on Lucy's cheek. She gently rubbed my arm.

- "It's true," Lucy confirmed. "Plus, it's an activity that suits us. We love nature," she added, which I agreed with.

Unlike other activities, walks are something I could never tire of. Whether it's the beach, the lake, the mountains, and now here we are in a forest covered in a blanket of snow. It's cold, but the blanket does its job perfectly. Lucy's body heat also helps. She tightened her grip on my shoulders as I buried my face in her neck. I pushed aside her scarf and kissed her gently there. I smiled when she shivered. I traced my lips up to her jaw, continuing until I reached her lips. I teased her repeatedly before she finally captured my lips in a passionate kiss. I then rested my head on her shoulder, taking in the nature around us. I could thank her again and again, but I held back, afraid of sounding repetitive. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her like a giant teddy bear. I loved the unconventional idea she came up with for us. It wasn't something I would have had the chance to do again. We spent our morning on this peaceful ride, kissing each other for most of the trip. I felt a small pang of disappointment when we returned to the hotel. I was so content that I didn't have the heart to get up.

- "Can't we stay a little longer?" I murmured.

- "We could... but I had something else planned for us next..."

- "Alright, I get it."

I groaned as I reluctantly moved away. She laughed, watching me stretch. I had forgotten about her planned itinerary in all of this. Lucy folded the blanket before getting out. She helped me down when it was my turn. I immediately felt a chill. I already missed the blanket. If we had stayed a bit longer, I think I would have fallen asleep in her arms.

- "Thank you again for the ride," Lucy began. "It was really wonderful."

- "The pleasure was mine. I hope you have a lovely rest of your day."

- "Thank you so much. Could I pet the horses before we leave?"

- "Oh, yes. Of course, you can."

I looked at Lucy for her approval since she was in charge of the day. I grinned when I saw her already reaching out her hand toward me. I took it, and together we approached the horses, each of us petting one. I giggled when mine started searching my hand for food.

- "Looks like someone’s hungry."

- "I was just about to feed them," the coachman told us. "Would you like to do it for me?"

- "Sorry, Ona. We don't really have the time," Lucy grimaced.

- "It's okay," I reassured her with a smile. "Well, maybe next time."

We gave him a final wave before letting him go. We stayed in place until he was out of sight. I then turned to Lucy, who wrapped me in her arms for a tender kiss.

- "What's next on the agenda, Commander?"

- "I know I told you we wouldn’t go snowmobiling again... but I lied a little."

- "Oh really?" I raised an eyebrow. "You did?"

- "It looks like it," she smiled sheepishly. "We’re heading to town, and it's our only means of transport since I didn't drive here."

- "I guess that means I'll be driving."

- "No way," she laughed. "You don’t even know where we’re going exactly," she said with a wink. "Come on, someone is probably already waiting for us at the hangar."

Her words turned out to be true. The hangar was open, and a snowmobile was already waiting outside. The employee, who I assume took care of it, smiled at us when we arrived.

- "Hello. Sorry for the slight delay," Lucy apologized.

- "No problem. I just brought it out, actually. All that's left is for you to gear up."

- "Thank you."

Without needing his help, we geared up with the helmet and gloves that Lucy had prepared. She really had thought of everything. Once ready, we thanked him and set off. I was seated at the back, holding tightly onto her waist, seeking as much warmth as I could. Surprisingly, she didn't take the mountain path as I expected. It was the complete opposite, meaning we were heading to a town I hadn't seen yet. My imagination was running wild. We must have driven for a good fifteen minutes before reaching our destination. It was indeed a new small village. Most of the structures were wooden chalets. I realized, thanks to the village clock tower, that it was almost noon. I guessed that she was taking me to eat, and I was right. She led me into a cozy little restaurant. Once again, everything was made of wood. As we entered, I noticed a stone fireplace burning a bit further in. It was a mix of old and modern, thanks to the bar we were approaching.

- "Hello, welcome," a waitress greeted us. "A table for two?"

- "Hello," Lucy began. "Yes, I have a reservation under Woods."

- "Oh yes! I remember," she replied knowingly. "Please follow me."

She grabbed two menus and guided us to our table. We were seated near the fireplace. I was sure Lucy had specifically requested that, and it probably wasn't the only thing she arranged. The table was scattered with red rose petals, arranged in a pattern resembling a table runner. Lucy pulled out the chair for me as I sat down. It seemed like she didn't want to leave anything to chance. The waitress handed us the menus and told us we could call her at any time if we needed anything.

- "This is beautiful..."

- "I came here once before and loved it. The people are warm, and they make the best cheese fondue I've ever had. I absolutely wanted to bring you here since we're in the area."

- "I guess we're having the cheese fondue, then?" I chuckled, glancing at the menu. "I've never had it before."

- "We don’t have to if you don’t want to."

- "No, I trust you," I said, closing the menu I had just opened. "If you like it, it must be good."

I took her hand to reassure her. She smiled softly and nodded. I had no doubt about her choice. I gently stroked the back of her hand with my thumb.

- "What do you suggest as a side?"

She smiled mischievously. I realized she had everything planned out, which is why I closed my menu and asked the question. It seemed I was right because she closed hers as well.

- "A slightly sweet white wine that pairs perfectly with the fondue. Does that sound good?"

- "Absolutely, yes."

This new life suited me. I should have considered it much earlier. We chatted about trivial things while waiting for the waitress to return. The conversation was always easy with Lucy, and I loved that. We could talk about anything. The restaurant gradually filled up, and I realized it was more popular than I had thought. Within a few minutes, it was nearly full. I was glad we had ordered before everyone else. We took our time enjoying our lunch. Lucy wasn’t exaggerating when she said the fondue was exceptional. As a cheese lover, I wasn’t disappointed. It must have been around two o'clock when we left. We finished with a coffee and a gourmet tea. I wasn’t particularly a fan of tea, but the red fruit one I chose was really good. Now, we were walking hand in hand through this little town. It was pure bliss.

- "What’s next?"

"Impatient, Miss Batlle? »

- More than you can imagine.

- Patience, we're almost there.

- Should we continue here then?

- Mm-hmm, she smiled. I didn’t choose this place by accident. Here we are.

I furrowed my brows at the old building where she had brought us. She smiled softly, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. Without a word, she led me inside, where my eyes lit up at the sight. It’s an exhibition. This is the second time she’s brought me to a place like this.

- Luce... You shouldn’t have.

- I didn’t hesitate for a second when I saw the poster at the hotel.

- It’s going to be boring for you... You should have planned something else.

- Oh no, trust me. There’s nothing more entertaining than watching you in this environment and hearing you comment on each painting.

I blushed, remembering that’s exactly what I did the first time. The atmosphere was different again. It was young artists, and they were open to dialogue if we wanted to talk to them. Here, only the paintings are displayed, and I doubt the owner is around. It’s sweet to know she loved our first exhibition. That was a good month ago now.

- Let’s take a little tour. Then, it’s relaxation time.

- Oh yes?

- Yeah, she smiled. You won’t be disappointed.

Sunday, February 14; 5:25 PM - Hotel Pool & Spa.

I moan in satisfaction. Oh no. I’m definitely not disappointed. I have the best girlfriend in the world. After the exhibition, we strolled around the city a bit more before returning to the hotel. She had booked us a relaxation session, as she said. She guided me to our room and asked me to put on my swimsuit. I followed her orders without a second thought. I immediately thought of the pool since we only enjoyed the jacuzzi yesterday, but not at all. We did go down to the basement, but not for swimming. She arranged for two staff members to be at our disposal for the afternoon. I’m starting to wonder how much this day has cost her. She didn’t let me pay for anything, not even the restaurant. I don’t dare bring up the subject, knowing her response already. It would ruin the moment we’re sharing. First, she organized a facial treatment that lasted a good half-hour. Now, here we are, lying on tables, enjoying a massage. Our seats were pushed together at Lucy’s request. I understood why when she asked to hold my hand before the ladies started. It wasn’t without reason. She must have noticed my anxiety. I was tense at the thought of someone other than her or my friends seeing and touching my body. Her gesture reassured me. Especially since she hasn’t let go of my hand since. This makes the moment even more intimate between us. It feels like nothing could separate us. It’s true in a way. I allowed myself to relax and focused all my thoughts on her touch. Even if it was short-lived. I quickly let go, especially when all my knotted muscles relaxed under those expert hands. It’s strange to let a stranger handle your body, but she never left my back. The lower part is covered by a towel that hides my backside. I wouldn’t be surprised if Lucy gave instructions when she made the reservation. She’s been doing that all day.

- Is everything okay?

I moaned again in response. I heard Lucy’s light laughter before feeling a squeeze on my hand that she had been caressing. I feel like I’m floating. It’s as if I’m in heaven. I turn my head toward her to see her already looking at me with that charming smile that only she has.

- Are you trying to kill me slowly? Because that’s what you’re doing.

- I hope not, she laughed. I told you I wanted you to be comfortable.

- You’ve won that bet.

- I’m glad, she smiled.

- Tell me, you don’t have anything else planned after this, do you?

- We’ll have access to a private pool, she informed me. Then we’ll have dinner at the hotel restaurant.

- With the others?

- No, it’ll be just the two of us again.

- I’m going to burst.

And I’m not joking. I still feel stuffed from our lunch. It was so delicious that I overindulged without holding back.

- I requested something light, don’t worry.

- Oh, you made a special request?

- Mm-hmm, she smiled.

- It definitely won’t just be for your culinary skills that I’ll ask you to marry me.

She laughed heartily, shaking her head. I know we’re not there yet, but I’m really thinking about it. It’s the first time I’ve considered marrying someone. Even with Mapi, I didn’t think about it. We were too young and carefree. We had more fun together than anything else. The last strokes on my shoulders signaled the end before the hands withdrew. I noticed it was the same on Lucy’s side.

- Looks like it’s over.

- That’s a shame, I grumbled.

The two women laughed at us. Lucy sat up on her elbows after fastening her swimsuit top to look around. It’s the first time she let go of my hand.

- As you mentioned, you have access to the private pool area for as long as you like. Don’t hesitate to call us if you need anything.

- Thank you.

The women left the room after Lucy’s words, leaving us in complete intimacy. I sat up carefully, keeping my arm pressed against my chest to avoid exposing myself.

- Can you help me fasten it, please?

- Of course. Turn around.

I sat on the table, turning my back to her. Lucy quickly tied my swimsuit and finished by kissing my shoulder. I closed my eyes, leaning back against her. She took the opportunity to wrap her arms around me.

- Was everything okay for you?

Mm-hmm. It was perfect. Thank you for being so thoughtful.

- I always will be, my love.

We stayed like that for a moment, enjoying the peacefulness. It had been like this all day. I didn’t have to think about anything, just enjoy it.

- Ready for a swim? she pulled me out of my trance.

- It doesn’t matter, as long as I’m with you.

Sunday, February 14; 8:45 PM - Hotel.

This day has been a waking dream. The last part of our evening is approaching, and I almost regret that it’s coming to an end. For dinner, she chose something much lighter than lunch. She reserved a table at the hotel restaurant for composed salads made with local and seasonal products. It was original and delicious. We met up with our friends for the first time all day. We didn’t arrive at the same time, but judging by their smiles, they must be just as delighted as I am. I can’t wait to hear their feedback and share mine. I expected our evening to end in our bed, as it almost always does since we’ve been together, but not at all. Lucy had one last surprise. She led me to a veranda at the back of the hotel. I noticed a cozy corner had been carefully arranged. Several round sofas were set up to give each couple some privacy. There were plenty of soft cushions propped against the backrest and a large blanket. In the distance, I saw a large white screen.

- Are we going to watch a movie? I asked.

- You’ll see.

Her knowing smile made me understand that we were. The idea made me smile too. It would be like a semi-outdoor cinema since we could see the stars above us. I let Lucy guide me as she chose a seat in the back, much to my surprise. I couldn’t help but approve of her choice, thinking at least no one would be able to see us. She helped me climb onto our sofa. I groaned when I sank into the tons of cushions that were indeed very soft. She chuckled as she quickly joined me. Soon after, I found myself nestled against her, wrapped in the blanket.

- You really are the best.

- Oh yeah? she murmured.

- Mm-hmm... This day has been amazing from start to finish.

- I’m glad you liked it.

I got distracted for a moment by the arrival of the other two couples from our trip. It was the first time Alexia  and Mapi had seen us interact, and their faces were priceless. Then, like Lucy, I turned my attention to the starry sky. We’re lucky. Usually, the sky is overcast since it’s been snowing a lot since we arrived here.

- Are you comfortable? Lucy asked me softly.

- Can we sleep here? I whispered.

- I doubt the staff would agree, she chuckled.

- You’ll have to carry me to our room later, then.

- If that’s all it takes, I’ll do it, she replied playfully.

I giggled, burying my head in her neck. The last time she carried me was on her back at New Year’s. I didn’t expect her to actually do it, but she did. We’ve come a long way since then.

- What movie will be shown?

- I have no idea, she admitted. I just thought the idea was nice and figured you’d like it. I love watching the starry sky.

- We have another thing in common, then. Maybe we should consider going camping sometime.

- Right, she teased. I can’t exactly see you sleeping in a tent, you know.

- Hey! I protested. You’d be surprised! I used to go camping with my dad a lot.

- Really?

- Yes! And I loved it, I said, pouting slightly at her assumptions

- Sorry, she smiled. We can do it sometime, then.

She pecked my lips just as the lights dimmed. I snuggled back against her to get a good view of the screen in front of us. We were half-sitting, so it was easy in this position. I smiled when the first images of *Titanic* replaced the white screen. They really went all out with the romantic theme. The evening couldn’t have ended better: being in the arms of the woman I love, watching one of my favorite romantic movies.

[zankaboo]

(this post is going to be kinda chaotic because I have many thoughts to share but I'm struggling with being coherent right now)

I'm 28 and I still live with my parents. But I think I need to seriously start considering moving out, or something.

Living with my parents never bothered me much. Part of me was happy about it because like, why should I move out and take care of myself if I can live with someone else and not worry about anything?

But recently I've been trying to work on my issues and I feel like I'm never going to fully heal unless I escape my mother. She is abusive. She's been messing with my mind for so many years that I don't really feel like my own person. I'm almost 30 and I don't know who I am, I don't know how to be an adult. I don't even know what kind of clothes I like to wear. My mom doesn't care much about my emotional well being, she criticizes everything I do. She cares about me in general, I know that and I know that she loves me in her own way but the way she treats me is destroying me. Now that I've started to really think about where all my problems came from, the only source I can think of is my mom. She made me hate myself. I self harmed because of her. I shed so many tears because of her. Nothing else fucked me up as much as my mom. She hates herself too and she projects all of her issues on me. And because of her I believed that I'm ugly and worthless as a person. My dad kinda sucks too, not as much, but he hurt me deeply a few times.

I love my parents tho. Even after all the shit they did to me I love them. My mom can be a very funny person if she wants to be. My dad too. But they hurt me so much. And I want to be away from them.

I've been trying to love myself, my looks, my personality. I stopped all the self depriciating jokes, I stopped calling myself ugly or saying "I hate myself" or "I'm going to kill myself". It's only been like two months but I can already feel the difference. Sometimes I look at my body in the mirror and I see something desirable now. And it's an awesome feelings. I'm really starting to see that change is possible. A better life is possible. And I really want it. For the first time in my life I really want to change things.

But I just don't know what to do. My mother controlled everything in my life, she made most decisions for me. So despite some improvements in my mental health, it all feels so out of reach right now.

I'm very lonely. Despite living with two people, I'm lonely. I get to hang out with my coworkers often and they're all cool people but those aren't really meaningful relationships. I don't have people that I can hang out with after work, or chat with, or call. But I spent so many years in isolation, I don't even know how to make friends. I think I have ADHD too which also might make those things harder for me (I heard that people with ADHD struggle with making friends and stuff). I lost every single school friend, even those that I considered to be close friends. I don't know if it's all my fault or if other people were at fault too. But for some reason almost no one wants to try to maitain a friendship with me and it's so upsetting.

I'm afraid of even looking for friends. I'm afraid of letting anyone know that I can't take care of myself, that I don't know the basics of adulthood. It is very embarrassing. I can't let people know that I'm like this, so helpless and clueless. Getting a boyfriend is completely out of the question at this point. I mean who the fuck would even want to love me romantically now? No one wants an adult baby. And this stings so fucking bad now because I've become infatuated with such a nice and funny guy and I haven't been able to think about anything else but him. If I could at least be friends with him, I would be so fucking happy.

I don't even feel alive to be honest. I'm just existing. I want to live, I want to meet new people, I want love and sex, I wanna go to concerts and find new hobbies. I want to make more art and improve my skills since it's my main hobby, I've always loved drawing. I want to try new mediums like painting or sculpting. I'd like to play some instrument too. But it feels out of reach now.

I really don't know what to do, where to start. I'm so lost.

I can't ask my parents for advice. I really wish I had someone who would teach me how to be a person, how to be an adult.

I don't want a life like this.

[nonsensical-questions]

Errmmm annual update,

How are things goin for ya (not about sensetale specifically, just in general)

I appreciate the general check up as i haven't posted anything in a bit, but for a little update i guess, got a new job, pays me more and doesn't give me as many hours, this is a good thing as i can pay my bills just fine without having to work as much, but i am getting called in a lot and i need more money in general so i'm sorta trying to build stuff up... got a new name, i'm still keeping my old one i just have two first names i switch between now so that was funky but it made me feel a little better so it's nice got on HRT a while ago and it's fucking with me emotionally i think either that or i'm experiencing periods as it's not all the time, but it's too soon to tell if it's this or that so right now i'm just enjoying the general effects of it and learning how to deal with stronger emotions, this is a good thing i no longer feel as dysphoric about myself but it still comes from time to time as for projects and stuff i'm working on? got quiet the load honestly, no progress on sensetale for mental health and general self confidence issues, it's still on hiatus until i can get good enough to make the sprites i need or find someone willing to help me out but in non-sensetale related projects... well... i did wanna keep some stuff a secret but some of these have been in the work for a while so... what the hell might as well show some off I appreciate the general check up as i haven't posted anything in a bit, but for a little update i guess, got a new job, pays me more and doesn't give me as many hours, this is a good thing as i can pay my bills just fine without having to work as much, but i am getting called in a lot and i need more money in general so i'm sorta trying to build stuff up... got a new name, i'm still keeping my old one i just have two first names i switch between now so that was funky but it made me feel a little better so it's nice got on HRT a while ago and it's fucking with me emotionally i think either that or i'm experiencing periods as it's not all the time, but it's too soon to tell if it's this or that so right now i'm just enjoying the general effects of it and learning how to deal with stronger emotions, this is a good thing i no longer feel as dysphoric about myself but it still comes from time to time as for projects and stuff i'm working on? got quiet the load honestly, no progress on sensetale for mental health and general self confidence issues, it's still on hiatus until i can get good enough to make the sprites i need or find someone willing to help me out but in non-sensetale related projects... well... i did wanna keep some stuff a secret but some of these have been in the work for a while so... what the hell might as well show some off

vs. mad mew mew genocide route edition! i love mew mew as a character and i've been really inspired to make something relating to her i just didn't know what to, well recently i got my insperation and have been coding it out, don't know what the ending is currently but i have a rough idea of what i want to do, hopefully you will all enjoy it the song is Dummy! from UNDERTALE: Alternate, thank them so much for letting me use the song! couldn't hope for a more fitting battle theme that just so happened to accidently match with the character i was making the fight for lol I have more projects i'd love to show off but tumblr only allows for 1 video so you'll have to have the shitty gifs instead

after undertale yellow released I loved the concept of everything so much but i really wish some more attention to the lore had been put in, but hey there was still some really cool stuff they did like i loved the guns and ammo types, so i decided to work on what it would look like for the blue soul which i nicknamed melody as her healing things are music notes and clovers are well clovers, this spawned a whole thing where i started making characters and ideas and... honestly i don't think it will go anywhere soon.... if at all but hey a mouse can dream huh? well i might as well show off some characters with little to no context huh?

not all of these are major characters but just stuff I wanted to show off, if people wanna make art or ask about it, the au name is official "Undertale: Era of Integrity" but for now you just get the designs and simple mechanics that i showed off, i have more to talk about

an underfell project! this was mainly learning to code KR and fuck around with my idea of an underfell au that takes the canon version and makes small tweaks here and there, i made some sprites to show what i mean

again not really giving out much info, if people wanna know more let me know i guess! no official name just some underfell concepts i've been working on I do wanna make some playable fights eventually but i'd need to work out some kinks first to make it all work some other projects that feel too small to sorta show off stuff of are a Tale's end sans fight (like from the comic) i was working on with friskbits actually helping quiet a lot and a help_tale sixbones fight (again from the comic) both are almost done but also both have big hurdles i'll need to get past before i finish it, for tale's end it's just... writing, frisky is normally busy and i had major writers block, writing for what you may ask? the comic surely has most of what i need right? haha I wish, there are so many options and it all comes back to that stupid flower, i have like 20 endings based on if you kill or not and then reset and do a certain action, I have the main endings coded but the great flowey remembering my resets makes it way harder to actually finalize the sixbones fight is mainly the absorb stuff, as we never saw that in the comic so i sorta had to improvise and making it looks cool! but I'm sorta just winging it i guess i'm also working on a mettaton date, this one with an overworld, you know how alphys, undyne, and papyrus all got dates? oh and sans too sorta, well toby literally mentioned dating mettaton on the kickstarter and never delivered! so i'm doing it myself, date the sexy rectangle... eventually i'm still on the overworld stuff and need to finish designing mettatons room fully, i'd show some stuff off but i'm not sure how long it's gonna be plus this post is already hella long so just gonna cut this here and maybe talk about it later there is some other stuff here and there but it's mainly just ideas, I had an idea of something something deltatravelers something something OFF but i'm prob not even gonna do that, maybe i'll make some sketches or mock ups for it later but eh i wanna finish projects first i have too many on my plate currently I know a lot of people might be mad, that i'm working on other projects and stuff while im supposed to be working on sensetale, but I'm trying to improve skills and general get better at making the content so people can enjoy it more, and when i was ready i would try and work more on sensetale maybe remake the area do new poses make new characters or sprite something unique and cool, one of the reasons i don't post or even answer questions on this is i don't want to get people's hopes up that this will return soon, i really want it to return soon but I don't have the resources or time to commit to it I had a thought that maybe, I should make this a general au project stuff, so I can show off more stuff and see what people like but i've had 20 or so projects i've never finished. I wouldn't want to show all this cool stuff off and never deliver on it. But perhaps if that is what would everyone would enjoy more, seeing progress and stuff i'm working on, if people would be okay not seeing sensetale in favor of more content? just food for thought, i want to see what people think before i act.

[the-batacombs]

Ooh okay this looks fun. Thanks to @zahri-melitor for tagging me in the TBR meme. Let's go!

--

Okay meme for people to take their mind off today.

If you have a To Be Read list/pile (comics, books, whatever):

What title(s) are you currently reading?

"Currently reading" is fun because there's a lot of stuff I stalled out on when I got busy and am going to get back to. Right now the top of the list is The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson and The Ionian Mission by Patrick O'Brian (Aubrey-Maturin #8). I'm a bit of the way through Green Lantern (2005) and The Flash (2016), which are the top long series I'm trying to push through at the moment. I'm currently partway through Justice League Rebirth Deluxe Edition #3, which is just Justice League (2016) #29-#33, because I wanted better context for the Legacy arc.

What title(s) are up next on your reading list?

Up next is definitely going to be Treason's Harbour by Patrick O'Brian (Aubrey-Maturin #9) just as soon as I've finished the previous book. I'd really like to get to Cory Doctorow's Red Team Blues and N. K. Jemisin's The World We Make in the near-ish future. In comics, the last volume of Gerry Duggan's Invincible Iron Man: Iron & Diamonds, Ostrander's Suicide Squad, and then getting back to where I'd stalled out in PKJ's Action Comics Warworld Saga and Green Arrow (1988). Also, picking up Robin (1993) from where I left off.

What title(s) are your emotional support TBRs and you’re planning to get around to them. One day. When the stars align?

When the stars align...K. J. Parker's Saevus Corvax Deals with the Dead and especially Parker's Engineer trilogy. John M. Ford's The Dragon Waiting. Samuel R. Delaney's Tales of Nevéryön. Moby-Dick by Herman Melville. The Inugami Curse by Seishi Yokomizo. Stations of the Tide by Michael Swanwick. I could go on and on.

For comics...the last part of Tamaki's Detective Comics run, which at this point I think is the Shadows of the Bat arc. The space-era Green Lantern/Green Arrow stuff. Alan Moore's Swamp Thing. One day I'm going to cave and go to DCUI and read the rest of Batgirl (2000) and The Books of Magic (1994), but as long as I've got so much unread I can still access for free from the library, I'm trying not to spend the money on it. Also, it's nice to know that I have issues of Batgirl (2000) waiting for me on a bad day. Dawnrunner (2024) by Ram V/Evan Cagle is also very much on the TBR. I stopped reading Ram V's Detective Comics when my schedule got disrupted and I'm still not caught up, but that's my number one rainy day story tucked away in my boxes.

I've never run into the phrase "emotional support TBR" before and it's making me laugh. That's fantastic.

Have you taken anything out of your TBR pile recently, and why?

I...am very bad at taking things out of TBR, but I did finally decide not to put pressure on myself to finish Saga (2012), because I was already getting frustrated with where they were taking it and don't really want to get reinvested. It's such a good comic but it was already on the edge of my comfort zone. Maybe once it's all finished, I'll take a week to read it...but maybe not.

I don't know if it's quite the same thing, but it has the same impact on my TBR, so: dropping Batman and Nightwing and Birds of Prey as ongoing titles. I've stopped trying to push myself through Green Arrow: Year One, because it's not clicking at all, and I also stopped actively pursuing Green Arrow (2001), because I got to the Winick era and stopped enjoying it.

It turns out I have taken exactly zero novels out of my TBR in recent memory. I only add new books and shift priorities around.

Okay, ummmmm, tagging @faillen @aurpiment @venomousmaiden @galacticlamps if you feel like it! (Hi, it's 1968-100a reporting from the DC sideblog.) I would bet good money some of you have cool books on your TBR and I would love to Hear About Them.

[omarera]

So so proud of Omar. I am so happy he is let in to new types of media. SvD and DN are the biggest national morning news papers in Sweden. He has been in evening papers and might be silly but I am glad he is covered in these papers. And now also Hellenius Hörna and Så mycket bättre. Thank You TV4. Now let’s hope national radio stations let his music in as well.

Here are some bits of the interview in SvD. It resembles his Sommarprat and nothing new for us really but a really nice interview with a nice tone in it and it will reach many households in Sweden that still has morning papers…

He talks about where he was a few years ago from the interview and I think it’s beautiful that he opens up about feeling lost, experimenting and on his journey to get to know himself and feel confident being who he is and that he also dares to vocalize his dreams. Remember that Jantelagen is strong in Sweden and vocalizing such big dreams is not usual. His journey continues!! I so want for him to reach his goals❤️

They start off with his FO&O and talk a out his bringing and his mom and dad and moving to Sweden.

One thing he hasn’t touched so much on before is how being known so young affected him:

“It was the sickest thing I've ever been through. It was both a kick and very scary to break through, especially when you were alone in town or going home on the bus. I was up in Stockholm and felt very watched. It was an emotional rollercoaster.”

He takes a deep breath.

“Every single person my age has known about me since I was 14 years old. It has been very intense and probably affected me in different ways. I've probably become more shy and stick mostly to my friends that I've had for many years.”

(We know he always pick stay home and that he is very close to his friends and has a circle of friends he feels safe with. And then about after FO&O)

“I released a few singles, but then the pandemic came and everything was put on hold. That's when it started.

Omar Rudberg puts one hand in his baggy leather jacket pocket and looks out through the Connection Hall in the Slaughterhouse area, where we met on a cool autumn afternoon.

“I was incredibly lost. Both in my professional role and in myself. I had no idea who I was or what I was going to be, what I liked and didn't like.

He set out on an experimental journey.

- I tried to find myself and started hanging out very intensively with friends. We hung out every day and became almost like a collective. It was incredibly fun and above all nice to see people who were in different ways.”

(I also liked this part where he talks about his creativity: )

“In the new homeland, the song and dance continued to be palpable, as did Omar's wild imagination. By the age of eight, it was so intense that his parents took him to a child psychologist.

- What they reacted to was that I didn't need toys. I could just enter another world, be chased by dinosaurs or have the worst action movie in my head. But I wasn't crazy, the child psychologist noted, just a child.

The creativity and musical gift can be traced to the grandmother and the mother. Early on, the latter ensured that Omar participated in talent competitions, often with success.

(And then more in creativity and using it to find yourself)

- My friends and I started trying different types of clothes. We played music and got dressed up. Some tried to put on makeup and nail polish. I really experimented. Those who are not in the know immediately think that a guy who wears make-up is gay or transgender - that bothers me. Make-up should not have to have an orientation, it should be for everyone. Now I wear black eyeliner when I feel like it without being ashamed.

Playing with the outside became a way to find home more in one's inner self, and the fact that Omar was named Best Dressed Man of the Year by the magazine Café this spring is something of a receipt for that.

- I have realized that I have to feel comfortable, stable and free with who I am if I am to be able to move forward in life. Clothes clearly play a role in that. They can also help me get into a certain character more easily.

(There is more text in YR and Karusell but he gets back to: )

“Although it is as an actor Omar has become known in recent years, it is the music he wants to focus on the most in the future. A few days ago, the new single Off my mind was released and tonight is the premiere of this year's So much better on TV4, where Omar is one of the participants.

Perhaps the participation will also be revenge for Omar as a solo artist.

- Yes, I hope people are reminded that I'm actually a singer at heart, it's music that I love the most. I'm looking forward to releasing an album eventually and especially to playing live.

A decade has passed since Omar Rudberg first broke through, when I ask what he thinks life will look like in another ten years, he first laughs at the thought of being 35. Then comes the answer:

- I want to have done the sickest gigs, have had several hits and be out on a world tour. I want to be in a Latin American TV series or movie and for my own company to be worth an incredible amount of money. I will not buy a Lamborghini, but a nice apartment for my mother so that she can be free as a bird. I want to give back everything I got from her.

He runs his hand through his slightly wavy hair and walks over to the mirror to get ready for the photo shoot.

- I would never have dared to have it this way a few years ago. Thankfully, I am much more confident in myself now.

You're not as lost anymore?

- No, I have grown a lot in recent years and now I feel stable enough to take myself forward in life. But I'm probably not quite there yet, the journey continues …

Translated bits from: Elin Liljero Eriksson - 23 oktober 2023 SvD Magazine.

[asheli1515]

The Ghosts We Carry || Rafe Cameron - Prologue

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next>>

a/n: soft!rafe x fem!character (OC)

word count: 875

warnings/disclaimers: fluff, angst, familial loss, grief, brief mention of substances (alcohol, drugs, etc.), season 4 plotline (I'm grieving), out-of-character rafe after a while, emotional intimacy, smut is there if you squint, blood, violence, dangerous situations, dual pov

summary: after a reckless night of partying, Rafe Cameron finds himself alone at the beach walking home. During his trek, he bumps into a quiet, mysterious newcomer who seems to see beyond his tough exterior. Despite Rafe's reputation and his defensive attitude, the newcomer refuses to judge him. They strike up an unexpected connection, and soon, their late-night conversations become the highlight of Rafe's days. As their bond deepens, Rafe finds himself torn between his need to prove himself and his new feelings for someone who doesn't want anything from him but the truth. Will Rafe let down his walls and risk everything for love, or will his inner turmoil and need to make something of himself tear them apart?

series masterlist

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RAFE

Tonight was a night like any other in the town of Kildare. Kooks and Pogues were partying to their heart’s content while paying no mind to the consequences that were likely to come in the morning.

I found myself loathing where I was, as it all felt so repetitive and unfulfilling. Even with this resolve, I still found myself drinking more as the night went on, trying to numb the disappointment that is my life—trying to convince myself that I wasn’t a failure and feel normal for once.

I looked around the party to see the faces of the partygoers; some of them I knew, and others I wished I didn't. Among these was my sister, Sarah, with her boyfriend, John B, laughing like they had no cares in the world. I knew this wasn't true, though, as I had inadvertently been through many of the adventures they went on. I had been the cause of loss and destruction in their life…a lot of the things I did were for my father. Now that he was no longer here, it all seemed to be for nothing. It only made my sister hate me, and I truthfully don’t blame her. I was coked out most of the time and did things in a drugged-out rage. I don't know why I am this way, or maybe I do know… everything leads back to my father. I have come to regret many of my past actions but can’t bring myself to apologize for them. Instead, I come to parties to try and forget, so I find myself surrounded by people I have no interest in talking to or getting to know.

Some hours later, the party came to an end, and I decided to head home. Feeling the immense amount of stress and numbness that my life's events have brought me, I decided to walk home as the party was only a few miles down the beach from the building I called home. It was ironic to call it my home as I have never truly felt welcomed there. It was merely a place where I slept and ate, nothing more. The breeze that the waves brought with them was cool and light, allowing me to catch my breath even for a moment. I continue my trek down the beach, stuck in my thoughts, so much so that I don’t even notice the figure leaning up against a tree trunk that has long since died. Its only purpose now is being the occasional backrest for individuals admiring the ocean. The girl seemed lost in thought as well, but eventually, she noticed me and looked in my direction with an almost curious emotion. Her face seemed to speak for her as I knew the question that would come out of her mouth before it did. Her voice was soft and calm when she spoke, something that I was not used to hearing from anyone anymore.

Anytime anyone talked to me nowadays, it was to chastise me, or their voice held a hostility I knew I deserved. I almost had forgotten she said anything when she spoke again.

“Hello? Did you not hear me?” she questioned with a tone that I expected to be impatient but was the complete opposite. “Are you talking to me?” I asked, as most people don’t just talk to me out of the blue. “Yes, I’m talking to you,” she laughed. “Do you see anyone else near us?” she spoke as if she found this conversation amusing.

This is definitely one of the more odd occurrences that I have come across recently but I found myself wanting to prolong going ‘home’ for as long as possible. “No, I guess I don’t,” I respond matter-of-factly without knowing how to continue this conversation. Almost as if she knew what I was thinking, she patted the sand beside her, indicating that she wanted me to join her. I took this moment to look at her for the first time. She had blonde hair with a slight brown undertone and blue-gray eyes that complimented each other well. Her build was average, and she had freckles scattered across her face like a dusting of sand. I found myself appreciating her looks and realized that it was probably not something I should be doing.

I hesitated for a second before taking the seat next to her, unsure what to do or say next. This reaction was new for me as I am usually very confident in social situations. I chalk it up to my being slightly intoxicated and the fact that I had never seen this girl before. I am convinced I know everyone in Kildare…my dad made it my job to know as he wanted me to take over the family business when he retired. I wonder if he realized how pointless it all was in his last moments.

I shook the thought from my head and stared toward where the skyline and ocean met, trying to take it all in. Something about this girl intrigued me, and I needed something new to focus on, so I decided to continue the conversation.

Little did he know this decision would be the catalyst that would change him and his life forever

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a/n: hey y'all! I hope you enjoyed the little snippet of this new story I am writing. I haven't ever published anything before, so please be kind :) I have always felt that Rafe is just misunderstood, and no one ever takes the time to figure out what motivates him. I am writing this to give his character the redemption it deserves so he will only follow canon for a short while. My OC has some magical powers that make him do a complete 180*. You won't recognize him by the end of the story...in a good way, haha. Constructive criticism is welcomed or any plot ideas y'all want to see...I might include them ;)

-Ash <3

[xxspringmelodyxx]

Backstabber~

Albedo x F. Reader (angst)

Description: You finally work up the courage to confess and ask Albedo out…however things go awry and that causes you to end up seeing Susbedo, imposterbedo, Primordial Albedo, you get the point. Let’s see how that turns out for your real Albedo. A/n: no bad ending because I can’t! I just can’t okay😭🥺 also, I’m sorry if this gets confusing in any way. It’s hard writing for two characters who are the same and have the same name. I tried to make it a bit easier though…Anyways, please enjoy! 💗💗💗

Words: 6.2k

Warnings: A bit of violence and maybe a bit a swearing, other than that, there shouldn't be any other warnings :)

Okay y/n. Todays the day where you finally ask Bedo to the dance…and finally confess to him about your true feelings. Will he say yes? Maybe…will he say no…I hope not. 

I kept talking to myself, probably getting weird looks from others around me as I made my way towards Bedos lab. 

Just be cool. You can do that! You’re like, so cool all the time-WAH! 

I groaned as I looked behind me, trying to see what I tripped on.

“A rock…great. I tripped on a rock.” I said, getting back up and dusting myself off.

Thankfully, I saw Bedos lab up ahead. 

In a few minutes I finally made it there, opening the door. 

I looked around and saw him working at his desk.

“Hey Bedo. What are you doing?” I asked, watching behind his shoulder as he wrote some things down in his notebook.

“I am examining how these little creatures react to different types of food, seeing which ones they like and which ones they don’t. A very simple task, but an important one at that.” He said, entirely focused on his work. 

“Well…I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go-“

*crash*

Albedo's head snapped back at you, seeing a broken glass at the bottom of your feet. You bowed to him apologetically, quickly kneeling down to pick up the broke pieces.

“I didn’t mean to Bedo- I promise I’ll buy you a new one…as soon as I get paid.” You spoke sheepishly .

You heard him sigh, turning back to his work.

“It’s fine…just-what was it you wanted to ask me?” He said, a bit frustrated at you for dropping something like that. It may have seemed like it was an empty glass,  but in reality, a gas produced from a plant he had been studying was in there. He would have to start all over again.

“Oh, well…I was wondering if you’d like to go to that huge dance with me? It’s been talked about for over a week, and the next full moon is when they are holding it!” You responded

To your dismay, you heard him sigh.

“Why would I want to go to something stupid like that?” He asked, making your smile falter

“W-well, I thought since you’ve been working so much lately, you maybe wanted to take a break and have fun. It’s a huge ballroom event and all of our friends are going to be there. You might have a lot of fun if you g-“

“No.” He said flat out. You were surprised at his tone. To anybody, he would have sounded the same, but since you’ve known him for so long, you knew there was frustration in that word.

“Oh come on Bedo, you should really-“

“I said no.” 

“But-“

“Was there anything else you wanted to tell me? Or are you just going to stand there and waste my time?” He said, making your heart shatter as a wave of emotions hit you.

Suddenly, Sucrose came in all chipper.

“H-Hello Master Albedo. I brought you that new flower you wanted to examine.” She said with a smile, placing the gorgeous purple bloom on his table. He looked at it, then up at her. His whole face changed to a look of relief, causing a bit of jealousy to rise up in you.

“Ah, thank you Sucrose. This is just what I needed. You really are a great friend and apprentice. I don’t know what I'd do without you.” He said, having her sit down next to her to help him with his other projects.

You stood there, completely dumbfounded. He was…happier with her than you? Has it always been that way? Was your love for him blinding you from reality? 

Seeing him all happy with Sucrose sent a knife right through you, sending feelings of jealousy, anger, and sadness. 

You saw as she whispered things into his ear, making him laugh. 

You slowly backed out of the room, searching your pouch for the gift you had made for him. It was a rare flower that you had found. You did your own research on it and found out that it survived off of moonlight. In the daytime, it was closed, but once the moon light hit it, the petals would open up to reveal a gorgeous iridescent color. It shines as well due to the light refracting off of it. 

It was something you were sure Albedo hadn't ever seen, because you were…well used to be…his assistant. Before you decided to go out and adventure the world and its gifts it had, you used to always help Bedo with his experiments, and you knew of every species he had studied over the years. That’s how you two created a tight bond…that’s how you fell in love with him. He was so enthusiastic about everything you brought him…it made your heart melt for him. He would let you rest your head on his shoulder when you felt sleepy from the late nights, he would always make sure you were involved, he made food for you when you would come in early and stay the rest of the day with him, and so much more. He made you feel important. He made you feel loved and warm. 

That was until the little move he just pulled not even an hour ago. 

It broke your heart seeing him like that. In fact, you noticed that once Sucrose was in the picture, Albedo started to become more distant with you. Instead of asking for your help, he would ask for Sucrose.

Sucrose get me this, Sucrose get me that, Sucrose I need you to try this, blah blah blah. 

You looked down at the flower in the glass case. You felt anger rise in you. 

How dare he treat me like that when all I’ve ever wanted to do…was be with him? When all I’ve ever done is help and support him no matter what!?

I put the flower in his little cubby that he hasn’t opened for weeks, making sure the flower would still get moonlight when needed.

Fine! If he doesn’t want to go to the dance, then I’ll go find someone else-

“Hey.” A familiar voice spoke

I turned to see…Albedo?

“Are you okay?” He asked softly, coming closer to me. I took a step back from him, still angry from his previous actions. He looked concerned, walking closer

“Go away Bedo. I don’t want to talk to you right now. You really hurt me back there…how did you even get out here so quickly?” “N/n…” he said softly, catching my interest with the unique nickname, which brought me to a realization

“oh…I see. You are the other Albedo.” I spoke, remembering him from a previous mission where he almost killed us.

He placed his hand on his heart as if stabbing a knife through it

“Oh my n/n, must you think of me so little?” 

I glared at him

“Oh I’m sorry. Should I not after that little stunt you tried to pull a few months ago?”

“My n/n, you know I had no intentions of hurting you…just your friends. And I’ve changed since then.”

“Stop calling me that. You no longer have that right.” 

“But it is what I have always called you for years-”

“Before I found out you were a traitor. After all those years, I thought you were amazing and sweet…only to find out it was all an act for you to get to my friends and hurt them. Even if you did change, you haven’t even spoken to me since that incident.” I said, walking away. 

However, his hand grabbed my arm and pinned me to a nearby wall, getting very close to my face. 

As much as I hated it, heat started to rise to my face. He placed his hand on my face, softly caressing my skin.

“Still as soft as I remember~” He cooed

“Let me go.” I said sternly.

“You mean to tell me you don’t feel anything when I do this to you? Nothing at all?” He asked with a smirk

Damn him

“Absolutely nothing.” I said, lying through my teeth

“Then why does your face and body say the opposite?”

I groaned

“So what if I still have a little bit, and I mean little, of feelings towards you. There will never be anything between us. Nothing.”

“But N/n, I still have feelings for you~ All this time, I always have. I tried to reach out to you, but you were always so busy. Especially like today with my other half…tell me, how is my brother?”

“He is the same as he will always be. Too focused on his work to enjoy life with those around him who love him.” I said, my chest hurting as I thought back to the moment between us a few minutes ago.

“Oh, my sweet N/n, he hurt you didn’t he?” He asked, rubbing your arm

All I did was nod, tears brimming my eyes. Albedo saw this and hugged you in a warm embrace, throwing you off. As much as you wanted to punch him and tell him off, you couldn’t help but hug him back, letting tears fall.

“I loved him so much…but he never even looked at me as anything more than an apprentice. I will always be just his helper. Nothing more. Sucrose has a better chance with him than I ever will.” I spoke

He let go of me and lifted my chin up, wiping away my tears. 

“Do not speak so lowly of yourself. You are amazing just as you are. I mean you managed to save an entire city from disaster all by yourself. That is something not everyone can achieve. Sucrose could never do what you did. She is not comparable to you, my dear. Because in my eyes, you are an archon. But you also have the purest heart I have ever seen. Everything you do is out of your love for everyone. You are special, Y/n. And if my stupid brother doesn’t see that, then he is blind.” He spoke, making your heart start to pound. Suddenly, your old romantic feelings for him started to build up inside of you again, but you did your best to push them away. This man still tried to hurt your friends.

“Come on, let's go get you home. I promise I won’t do anything funny.” He said, letting go of you and offering you to make the first step.

You hesitated for a bit, not sure if you can trust him. 

“I promise, I am not going to hurt you.” He said, offering you his hand. 

You don’t know why, but you decided to take his hand and allow him to walk you home. 

You were still on edge, but your defense started to lower as you got closer and closer to your house.

After a good 30 minutes, you both managed to make it to your house. Nothing funny happened, no signs of danger emitted from him…it was like he was a completely different man…the man you had fallen in love with over 10 years ago.

“Well, Y/n…here’s your stop. It was nice talking to you again, but I must head out now to go get some things finished. I am experimenting on a potion I am making that will heal anything it touches.” He said, bowing to you

“Goodnight my sweet n/n.” He said, turning around and walking away. He left you dumbfounded from his change of character. It was something you thought you would never see again from him. You were pleasantly surprised. 

You went inside your house and recollected your thoughts. A small smile crept up to your face as you thought of him again. Maybe he really has changed…

You decided you were going to give him a chance to prove himself, to see if he was able to prove to you that he is different now than before. 

—--

Some time has passed and you have been spending all of your time with Primordial Albedo. He had proven his change a while ago, and you and him have been closer than ever before. You two would go out on missions together, you two would go eat together, and you would even help him with his experiments every now and then. 

Maybe it was foolish, but you trusted him once again. Of course there were still some suspicions, but it was always overruled as time went on. 

The other Albedo took notice of your absence and was starting to grow worried. Ever since that last incident with the glass bottle in his lab, you never returned again. Klee had told him that you were okay, thankfully, but now he was starting to worry about why you were ignoring him. He never meant to hurt you that day, he was just so tired from staying up for multiple days without sleep…so needless to say his emotions got the better of him. He cursed at himself for being so rude to you, especially when it wasn’t anything important. Sure, the gas was hard to get from that plant, but it was nothing he couldn’t fix. 

He just wishes he could go back and fix it so he would get to see you again. He had even rejected multiple girls for that ballroom dance in hopes that you would come and ask him again. 

However as time passed, he knew that wasn’t going to happen. The dance was in two days and he still hasn’t seen you. He had to admit, even with Sucrose around, he missed you dearly. All he could think about was you. When he slept, when he woke up, while he was working on his experiments–which caused him to mess multiple things up over and over again– all he wanted was to see and talk to you. He wanted to apologize and hopefully make up. 

“Master Albedo, your potions are overflowing again.” Sucrose said, helping him.

He sighed, not caring anymore about his experiments. He wanted to see you. He needed you…He wanted you.

He tried his best to hide it over the past few years, but he absolutely loved you. Ever since you started helping him, his love for you grew and grew. For about a month now, he had been secretly working on a gift for you that would allow you to see all of your fondest memories with him. He was going to confess to you at the dance…but his stupid frustrations got the best of him. It was finished but, since he had yet to see you, it had just been sitting there in the dust, awaiting to be touched by you. 

It was hurting him more than you would ever imagine. Not seeing you felt like an eternity for him. 

—

A couple more days passed by and it was finally the night of the dance. P. Albedo (Primordial Albedo) had asked you to accompany him to it, and you accepted. A part of you still wanted to go with your Bedo…but he was probably going to go with Sucrose. You heard a knock on your door and excitedly ran down the stairs, opening the door to see Albedo, smiling as he held a flower out for you. You chuckled and took it, thanking him

“You look gorgeous, n/n.” He said, holding his arm out for you. You had decided to wear a jade green strapless dress. It had flowers and the very bottom of it, slowly ascending up to the waist as the number of flowers disappeared. Your hair was gorgeously put up, with a few strands out to frame your face. You looked like an archon.

“You don’t look so bad yourself Mr. Albedo.” You responded, taking his arm.

The two of you walked to the dance as it was only a few minutes away.

“I’m so excited to go to this event. Aren’t you?” You asked with stars in your eyes. He chuckled and nodded

“You can’t imagine my excitement for this, especially for the final dance. It will be something special.” He spoke. 

After some time, you both finally made it and saw everyone there. You said hello to your friends and their dates, complimenting them on their attire. 

“Hey Aether! You look gre-” You stopped in your tracks as you saw none other than your Albedo…with Sucrose.

He looked up at you and his eyes instantly widened as he finally saw you.

“Y/n?” He asked as he saw how beautiful you looked.

“N/n? What’s the matter?” P. Albedo asked, making the other Albedo's eyes harden as he saw his other version. 

“What is he doing here?” Albedo asked, furious that his older version was with you.

You scoffed, taking P. Albedo’s arm, confusing the hell out of the other one.

“He is my date.” You said

“You're kidding, right? After all he did, you still went with him? How idiotic!” He told you, making you furious. 

“You know what Albedo? I don’t care what you think anymore. Those days are in the past.” You said, making the boy turn to you. You called him by his actual name…what’s worse is that he felt extremely hurt by it. 

“W-What?” He asked

“You hurt me, Albedo.”

“Stop calling me that.” “What? Call you by your first name? Why would that matter? It’s not like you liked my other nickname for you.” You raised your voice

“You have no right to tell me who I can or can’t go with to this dance. If I remember correctly, I asked you first…and what did you do? You told me you didn’t want to go to this dance because you thought it was dumb! And now I see you here with her?! Fuck you, Albedo. I never want to hear from you again, nor do I ever want to see you again.” You said, making his heart break.

“Y/n…you don’t mean that-”

“Oh I mean every fucking word of it. For all these years I have done nothing but try to be good enough for you…try to make you see me as I saw you…I loved you so much Albedo, and you never even batted an eye towards me.” You confessed, tears filling up in your eyes. Albedo widened his eyes at your words. You…you loved him back? 

“No…no that’s not it at all. Y/n I-”

“I don’t care anymore. I feel nothing for you anymore. You’ll be better off with Sucrose anyways. It seems she has managed to capture your heart.” You said, turning around. Albedo felt a pang in his chest as he saw his opportunity of finally telling you how he feels slipping away.

He tried to grab your hand, but the other Albedo–P. Albedo– stopped him.

“You’ve done enough damage already, dear brother. She is mine now.” He said, pissing the real Albedo off.

“You have no right to say that! You betrayed her and are now only using her! Do not think you have fooled me.” He said, ripping his arm out of his grasp, leaving the scene. 

—

Albedo had left the dance, making it back to his lab. He slammed the door shut and slid down the door, tears filling his eyes. 

The sound of something falling caught his attention. He looked over to see broken glass and a flower that he had never seen before. Curious, he went towards it and saw a note. 

Hi Bedo! 

I’m not very good with writing letters, but I thought I would give it a go because…well just because. I was on a mission with Aether and I happened to find a flower I knew you had never seen before. I took it in and did some of my own research on it and well…just put it directly in front of the moon and see what happens. I was going to keep it, but I realized that you would want it since I know you love discovering new things, so here is my gift to you. I haven’t named it yet, so you get the wonderful chance of doing it yourself! I hope you like it, it wasn’t easy trying to get this as it was at the top of a super tall mountain. Anyways, it’s yours to keep and as always, I hope you are doing well! Don’t forget to sleep either mister! You know how much I don’t like it when you miss it. 

Yours truly,

Y/n L/n

Albedo smiled, holding your letter close to him. It may not have meant much to you, but it meant everything to him. He opened a drawer and put your letter in it, placing it with all of your other letters you sent to him over the years. He picked up the flower and did as you told him. He placed it in front of the full moon. In an instant, the flower began to open up and glow as the light from the moon touched it. The anthers stood out beautifully as the golden light started to emit from the petals. You were right, he had never seen anything like it before. 

He touched the flower ever so gently, feeling the silky soft leaves and petals. A warm natural smell came from it, filling the room with its aroma. 

Tears started to fill Albedo's eyes once again as he realized what you did for him. All you did was try to make him happy, but you alone made him happy…and he messed up by concealing his feelings away from you.

Suddenly, he heard screams of terror from across his lab, alerting him. It came from the area where the dance was being held. The only thing on his mind was you

“Y/n”

—-

You were sitting down in a chair, letting tears fall from your eyes. P. Albedo came to your comfort, rubbing your back. 

“Forget him, N/n. You have me now…don’t let that dumb boy hurt you.” He said. You just stayed silent

He held his hand out to you, making you look up.

“Come, let's not waste this gorgeous night any longer. Dance with me, my dear~” He said. 

He was right, you had waited all this time for this dance, and you weren’t going to let anyone ruin it for you. You took his hand, wiped your tears, and went to go dance.

You were having the time of your life, dancing and spinning with P. Albedo, and some of your other friends. It was great.

Suddenly, a slow dance came on and P. Albedo asked you to dance with him. You accepted and you both started to slowly walts

“You know, N/n. I am glad you can trust me again. I honestly missed these days with you. Spending it entirely with someone who is happy, sweet and pure such as yourself. It has been such an honor” He said, making you smile

“Me too, Albedo. I am glad you helped me as well. Without you, I don’t know where I’d be without you.” You said as you rested your head on his chest. 

He hummed as he tightened his grip around you.

“I know where~” He said, making you look up at him with confusion. 

He leaned down, stopping both of you from dancing. 

“You’d probably still be alive living here~” He said right before plunging a knife right through your chest, making you yell. Everyone around you screamed in terror as the blood started to drip from your chest. 

You looked up at him with shock and heartbreak.

“y-you ..lied to me…” you gasped, slowly feeling dizzy from the blood loss

He smirked at you and pulled the knife out, pulling out a bottle and letting the blood drip down the tube.

“Of course I did, you imbecile. I needed blood for a potion I was making, an everlasting potion. It is supposed to allow anyone who drinks it to heal instantly from any damage for the rest of their life, basically making them immortal. Unfortunately, I needed blood from the purest heart I knew in order to make it work…that’s when I thought of you. So innocent, so naive, so foolish. Your heart is as pure as they come. And I got to you just in time for you to fall for me.” He laughed

Tears filled your eyes once more as you desperately tried to breathe, but you were failing.

“One last thing, my dear…In order for the blood to work, the owner of the blood has to die. That’s just the way it is. So I’m so sorry it had to come down to this, but…” He said, raising his hand. An image of an ice blue flower appeared as he stared down at you with a sinister smile.

“You. Must. Die.”

“How–How could you…”You whispered. 

“Hey, you should be thanking me. At least you will be set free from the pain of no one loving you.” He said, making your already wounded heart break even more. 

Aether and Thoma ran up to try and help you, but P. Albedo pushed them away with a blast of what looked to be ice.

“No, Y/n!” Amber yelled

P. Albedo looked down at you, ready to finish you off, when suddenly a large sword went right through him, making everyone look behind him to see

“Bedo?” 

He was glaring furiously at the boy who tried to kill you. His eyes were dull and crazed.

“You hurt someone I love…and for that…you must be punished.” He said, twisting the blade. Suddenly, P. Albedo started to yell in agony as his body felt like it was on fire.

Albedo had put a type of poison on his sword that when it makes contact, anything the sword touches will turn to a flame and die.

“Good riddance, dear brother.” He said, pulling the sword out of P. Albedo. 

A blood curdling scream could be heard throughout the entire city, but it slowly faded as P. Albedo was finally dead, his body engulfed in flames as he disappeared once and for all.

Albedo turned his head and saw you, lying limp on the ground. His eyes widened as he rushed towards you. He held your body in his arms, blood spreading all over him as he tried to wake you up.

“No, no, no. Come on, Y/n. Wake up. Wake up right now.” He said, shaking you, hoping to see your gorgeous e/c eyes flutter open. 

When that didn’t happen tears fell out of his eyes like a waterfall.

“Y/n, please…please wake up…” He said, his voice breaking at the thought of not being able to see you again.

“Please, I still need to tell you how much I love you…” He whispered, holding you close to him. 

“I love you so much, Y/n. I’m so sorry for the way I acted towards you. I am so sorry for not telling you sooner…then none of this would have happened. This is all my fault…please…please wake up, my love. Please.” He begged. 

Suddenly, a groan made its way to your lips, making him stop and look down at you

“Y/n?” He whispered, afraid it was just his imagination

However, he was quickly relieved to know it was real.

Your bloodied hand went up to his. He quickly held your hand and squeezed it.

“Did…you…mean that?” You murmured, fluttering your eyes open.

“That…all this…time…you…you love me?” You asked as tears brimmed your eyes as well

He nodded

“Of course I love you, Y/n. I have for such a long time…but I was too much of a coward to tell you because I didn’t want to ruin our already close relationship. When I hired Sucrose after you left to go work on your missions, I had hoped maybe it would decrease my love for you…but it only made it bigger. Everytime you were gone, I dreaded not seeing you. And everytime you came back, it’s like I fell in love with you all over again. No one can ever make me feel the way I do when I am with you. I can’t stop thinking about you..you make me crazy, Y/n. And I am so sorry for the way I have been treating you lately, from being distant with you, to getting mad at you for something so little.” He said. 

You hummed as tears fell down the sides of your face.

“Bedo, I love you too. I always have. I was going to confess to you when I was going to give you that flower…but it was too late…” “Nothing is ever too late, Y/n. Once we get you healed, we can live a new life together. One where we can be happy together.” He said, but you shook your head as your vision started to black out.

Thoma quickly ran up beside Albedo and checked to see if you still had a pulse. 

“We need to get her healed fast! Her pulse is slowing!” Thoma said. Bennett ran out to you and started to work on you, but he was struggling to keep you alive. You looked up at Albedo and smiled sadly, caressing his face

“He will not be able to fix this. The damage is too much. So I might as well say my last thoughts to you, my Bedo…” you spoke, making him shake his head

“No, don’t say things like that. You will be fine. We will get you back together. I promise.” He said, trying to keep it together for you. 

“My sweet, loving Bedo…I have always and will always love you. Ever since…we first met and started to work together, I knew I could be myself around you. I knew I’d be safe with you by my side. I knew that you were the man who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. From your amazing knowledge of almost everything, to your sweet and rare smile, everything about you is something I’ve come to love. I wish we had longer to be together…but it seems that my end is coming sooner than expected. So, for as long as you live, my Bedo, please know that…” you spoke, feeling darkness take over

“That…I will…always…always…” you spoke softer and softer as your mind started to go blank.

You heard cries and yells, but couldn’t make sense of them.

“Y/n! Don’t! Keep your eyes open! Stay with me please!” Albedo begged as tears fell

“We are losing her! Quick, Kokomi, help me!” Bennett yelled. The girl quickly ran over to help. Everyone stayed back with tears in their eyes, some looking away, some on their knees as they saw you slowly dying.

“Y/n…y/n honey, don’t sleep. We can rest once we get your fixed okay?”

You touched his face one last time

“I will always love you…Bedo…” you spoke as your hand fell limp, and your eyes closed. Your last breath was released, and Thoma could no longer feel a pulse. His eyes dimmed down as he back away from you. Bennet and Kokomi looked at your with pained looks.

“Y/n?” Albedo asked, not believing you were dead. 

He shook you in his arms, seeing your lips turn blue. 

“No! Y/n. Wake up. I need you! Please wake up!” He yelled. 

“Help her! Why’d you stop!” He yelled at the two healers

“Albedo…I’m so sorry…but she’s-“

Thoma said, lightly touching his shoulder. Albedo push him away

“She can’t be dead! She cant! Her and I are supposed to be together!” He yelled out. All of them backed up a bit from his sudden and very rare outburst. 

He held you close to his body as he embraced you. His tears fell on your face.

“I’m so sorry…I’m so so sorry.” He softly said. 

As he kissed your forehead, he looked over and saw the tube that his brother had dropped after being burned alive. He remembered hearing him say something about the potion.

“It allows anyone who drinks it the ability to heal from any damage for the rest of their life, basically making them immortal.”

He quickly let you go and ran up to the potion, seeing it change colors. 

“Albedo, that won’t work. It only works after the person who gave their blood…dies.” Aether said, pausing as he realized it might actually work

“But will it work on the person who gave the blood?” Paimon asked

“It’s worth a shot. I have to try. For her.” Albedo said, quickly pouring the potion down your throat. 

Minutes passed by as they waited, hoping for some sign.

But nothing. Albedo looked down at his hands, bloodied from holding you. He was ashamed and angry with himself. How could he have let this happen to you.

“Come on, let’s go. We will take care of her. You need to rest.” Raiden said. Feeling empty and hopeless, he slowly got to his feet, turning around to leave you. 

However, all of them stopped once they saw a bright glow start to emit from your body. Gorgeous swirly patterns started to form along your body to your chest where the wound was. The light wrapped tightly around the body, causing a large bass noise through the room. The light started to flicker and run through the whole room multiple times as your body started to float in the air. Everyone looked at you with surprise. The flickering became faster and faster to the point where it was just pure light everywhere you looked. Everyone shielded their eyes from the brightness.

A few seconds later, it stopped. The air slowly put you back down on the ground. 

Everyone was whispering, wondering if the potion worked. 

Albedo quickly ran up to you and touched your face, looking for any signs of life. 

He looked at your body and saw small bright white markings on your arms. He then looked up to your face again, seeing your once blue lips turn back to their plump natural color. Your skin started to go back to its gorgeous s/c color.

“Y/n?” He asked softly, holding your hand again

His heart stopped once he felt your hand slowly tighten around his. He looked down, his hopes coming back. 

“Mmm…be…do…” you slowly murmured, making his chest jump.

“I’m here, y/n. Come back to me. I’m right here.” He said. 

Slowly, your eyes fluttered open, revealing your beautiful orbs. They looked right at Albedo, making a small smile form on your face. 

“Did I ever tell you how cute you are~” you said, trying to lighten the mood.

He gasped and quickly hugged you, thankful you could hug him back. 

Everyone in the back cheered and sighed in relief that you were okay. 

Albedo looked you in the eye

“Y/n…I want you to know that I meant every word I said to you. I love you so much and I hope you can forgive me for being such a douche to you. You will always be my love, and no one will ever change that.” He said, making your heart pound and butterflies form in your stomach. 

“Oh Bedo, of course I forgive you. Now come here.” You said, pulling him to you and kissing him passionately. He wrapped his arm around your head and continued the kiss, loving the feeling of your lips on his. Sparks flew past as you both enjoyed the moment. 

He let go of the kiss, both of you panting a bit.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long.” You said, making him smile

“Believe me, so have I.” He spoke

You smiled as he went back to kiss you once more.

“Well, I say this all ended nicely! How about we continue the dance everyone!” Itto said, making everyone cheer. And thus, the party began again. You and Albedo danced together, closer to each other than ever, both smiling to your ears.

His kissed your forehead as you danced all night

“I love you, y/n.” He whispered, making you smile and giggle

You looked up at him and kissed his nose

“I love you more, Bedo~” you replied

And for the rest of the night, you two danced and danced, enjoying every moment with each other. That was a night that no one would ever forget.

—————————

[eisforeidolon]

Question: So I just rewatched the whole series again with my husband, who's over there. And it's so beloved for us - just like everybody here. And so I was wondering, do you guys have any shows or movies you rewatch or books you reread that are really cherished, and that - why do they mean something to you?

Jared: Awesome. Thank you. And where's your husband?

Question: He's over there.

Jared: [to husband] Hey, hey, thank you, buddy. Yeah, so twice? Y'all have seen it twice? Amazing.

Question: More than that, more than that.

Jared: I wasn't judging!

Jensen: I am.

Jared: Uh, yeah, I have some, like, feel good shows. I try not to reread books, believe it or not? I just feel like there are so many that I would love to read but I try to reread. I have reread Into Thin Air, John Krakauer. Awesome book. Yeah. And then when I find myself rewatching shows, it's from my childhood. I haven't forgotten Garfield, or Simpsons. Don't judge.

Audience member: Turtles!

Jared: Ninja turtles, for sure. That was a a special time -

Jensen: Which one?

Jared: Which turtle am I?

Jensen: Mmm-hmm.

Jared: Who's my favorite? Probably Michelangelo, but my favorite was Donatello. Yeah, and I always regret - I think it was because I could always find a stick and hit people with it? It's hard to find num-chuks, or a scythe, or swords - my parents wouldn't let me have those. I'd find a stick, though. I'd find a stick and pretend I was Donatello. And he was in the purple outfit, which was pretty good - [to someone in audience] No, I - Leonardo was pretty cool.

Jensen: Donatello was blue.

Jared: No, Leonardo was blue! How dare you.

Jensen: Raphael was red.

Jared: Raphael was red, Michelangelo was orange -

Jensen: Why are we talking about this? [to questioner] Thanks a lot, thanks a lot. And I see you, yeah, your wife's still pregnant, you might want to take care of that. She's been pregnant for ten years.

Jared: So when I do rewatch things, it's from my childhood. What about you?

Jensen: I have - this was unintentional, the show is just always on. But my daughter, my ten year old daughter, has found Friends. And I had forgotten how entertaining that show really, really is. So it's been fun to, y'know - and it's just 'cause it's literally, I don't know what station, TBS or whatever - it's just always open. Any time we're in the kitchen, she'll come in and she'll throw it on and sit down and we'll be just doing stuff, but it's on and I'll just hear PIVOT! and I'll just start laughing.

Audience member: We were on a break!

Jensen: Yeah, we were on a break. And that's another thing, I forget how many iconic sayings came from that show. I mean, what a powerhouse of a show that is. But, um, as far as like a genre-type show, I don't know. I'm kinda like Jared, like once I watch it, I've - going back and rewatching it, I feel like I'm missing out on the opportunity of seeing something new? There is - I do have films that I keep on my iPad and whenever I'm travelling or something they're downloaded. And there's one particular movie that - I don't watch it, from beginning to end? I usually will just fast-forward and watch scenes? Of No Country for Old Men. 'Cause I just think it's a master class in filmmaking.

Jared: I'm like that with Inglorious Bastards.

Jensen: Yeah. Oh, anything Tarantino. Like, I got Hateful Eight, I've been rewatching -

Jared: Oh really?

Jensen: rewatching scenes in Hateful Eight. Which, I mean, that could be a stage play. I think it was originally - he wrote it for almost being able to do that, but. Um, it's uh - yeah. So I get the wanting to go back and kinda revisit those things, 'cause it does give you those nostalgic emotions, but also, you know, new experiences, like I'm sharing this with my daughter, so that's kind of a fun new experience.

Jared: Yeah. It's also - So I guess I question my earlier statement about how I want to read new things? 'Cause it's very interesting if you watch the same show or movie or read the same book at different points in your life where you pick up. So maybe I'll just start binging [pause] Supernatural. See where it ends up. I do, I will say, I will say, not a word of a lie, I've probably watched fifteen or twenty reaction videos to the finale. Cry every time. I'm like - I start out like, they don't know what's about to happen, neener neener. And then once Dean meets the post and they go [huge gasp] I'm like, same, same! So I have watched, I think, every single one. But yeah, yeah, that'll be interesting to go back and revisit that show that we worked on that one time.

Jensen: You just talked about a scene from it! [dramatically hangs head, big sigh] We're gonna get cancelled by our own union. Shh.

Jared: I said that show. Super-normal show.

Jensen: No, it's not Supernormal, it's Anything But Normal. It's Unnatural. It's Abby Normal.

[unstable-fucko-boingo]

i will be okay but i’m currently experiencing drunk-hungover-post-weed-sleep-deprivation-nutrition-starved-anxiety-ridden-hell-world-financial-fear-pain-death so that’s why i am ripping my skin off in my mind. like itll be ok though dw

help girl! there is a freakish hungry evil disgusting horrific vermin parasite wretched horrible screeching raging beast of torn red bruised bleeding ripped flaming seething wailing screaming pain-anger-betrayal-fear-loss living in my body!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHA

[themuse-if]

Another 20 (or so) Questions with Faye Winters

Interviewer: Welcome to another installment of our character interviews, where we dive deep into the lives and minds of our favorite cast members of The Muse. Today, we have Faye Winters with us, a contemporary dancer who can shape clay as fluidly as she shapes her body. Faye, thank you for joining us. Could you start by telling us what made you want to pursue dance and sculpting?

Faye: I've always felt a deep connection to movement and expression. Dance, especially contemporary dance, allows me to convey emotions and stories in a way that words cannot. And sculpting is a whole other thing! It allows me to create the human form in a single beautiful moment. It's so interesting to create something stationary that contains so much movement.

Interviewer: How do you want to be seen by others?

Faye: Honestly sometimes I wish that I could pick and choose when I'm actually perceived.

Interviewer: Ok...could you elaborate on that?

Faye: I'm naturally pretty extroverted and I really love being around friends, old and new. I've just been really struggling to navigate my relationships, peoples expectations, their assumptions about me. I don't like conflict but no matter what I do it seems to find me.

Interviewer: I see the more people you let in the more complicated life can become. How about your art, how do you want it to be seen by others?

Faye: Sometimes I really shy away from just letting my true emotions show, It's not that I'm not actually a cheerful person, I just don't know if people will like the other parts of me. When I dance...it's like I'm still me but since I'm performing I can put my whole self into it and not be afraid of being harshly judged for who I am. If someone feels the need to critique my work that's one thing, but when they judge my character then it actually hurts. *starts fiddling with her hair* Uh I'm not sure if that answers your question.

Interviewer: No, I understand. You want people to see all of you through your work even the parts your afraid for them to see. So what do you look for, what traits do you value most in a friend?

Faye: Authenticity. I value friends who are genuine, who accept me for who I am and who I can be myself around. I might have a really big social circle, but I've actually only got a few friends that truly understand me and make me feel safe.

Interviewer: Mhm that checks out. So, what is your latest obsession?

Faye: I've been baking even more recently. I'm trying to perfect some recipes before I start my blog. Mmm struggling to come up with a name for it though. Let me know I you think of something. *reveals the most charming smile*

Interviewer: *grins back* I'll start brainstorming ASAP! Ok could you describe your ideal partner?

Faye: *starts chewing on her bottom lip, lost in thought* I mean I don't have a type. I think that I just gravitate towards people that make me feel at ease. Chemistry should be natural, like I want them to be my best friend, but I also want to feel butterflies and be a bit nervous around them.

Interviewer: Alright, and what was your first kiss like?

Faye: *chuckles to herself* It was my eighth grade spring formal. I went with my friend Gabriella who I had a secret crush on. We were young and I was still figuring myself out, my sexuality my gender identity. She was so cool and I had a crush on her for a while but I wasn't sure if she liked girls. I wasn't even sure if I liked girls until we kissed. We were just going as friends, but the DJ (aka Mr. Harrison our English teacher) just kept playing slow songs and we still wanted to dance. So on the fifth slow song in a row we were swaying gently she was really locked in on my eyes. I suddenly felt brave and went in for a little peck. She didn't shy away, it was sweet. I didn't stop smiling for the rest of the night.

Interviewer: That's honestly too cute. It's nice that your first have left such a sweet memory. Ok next question. Have you ever been in love?

Faye: *lets out the deepest sigh* I think you already know the answer to that. *she closes her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose* Yes I have been in love.

Interviewer: *clears their throat* Sorry about that...I don't think you'll like this next question either. When was your last relationship, and why did it end?

Faye: *covers her face with her hands* Uh god I really hate this. Ok, ok fine. You already know that Karla and I were together until recently, but hey I might as well tell you the whole story. We had a class together fall semester freshman year, Art-107: 2D Fundamentals. It's one of the core classes for Studio Arts. Anyways along with the obvious drawing assignments we also spent a lot of time taking field trips to galleries and museums. I had already noticed Karla in class but, she really stood out to me on those days...usually she would walk around with her headphones on, she seemed to be in a world entirely her own. Anyway, one day we were looking at the same piece and next thing I know she says, "You know we've been standing here for the last twenty minutes, and I haven't thought about anything except that you smell like lavender, honey, and sunshine." And then she just smiled at me...it was the most soft and unassuming expression. It's like she didn't have up any walls, she had a thought and just said it without worrying about it. She drew me in instantly. I never told her this, but I fell for her right then and there. At first everything felt so easy between us. Karla has this quiet confidence that just made me feel so secure in her, in myself...in us. *she lets out a bitter laugh* Then as usual when life starts getting to good obstacles come out to play! Long story short one of our "friends" started trying to drive a wedge between us. At the time I didn't realize it or want to believe it, but I think he was interested in me so he was always around and acting a little more than friendly. I tried to just brush it off as a little innocent crush. One day we were hanging out together waiting on Karla and next thing I know he's kissing me. *the interviewer's eyes go wide already knowing where this is going* Yeah...Karla had just walked in. Even though she saw me push him away. Even though I told here it was completely one sided she just didn't want to deal with the drama. And that was that.

Interviewer: Well fuck. That's really shitty. I can't even imagine having someone I thought was my friend do that to me.

Faye: Yeah it was really messed up. Sorry for rambling...I just wanted to get it off my chest, I'm so tired of people asking me about it. Now I just want to try and move on. But of course I haven't stopped thinking about her, not even for a single day.

Interviewer: I can imagine...sorry this next question almost feels to light hearted in comparison.*Faye shrugs signaling them to continue* What’s your ideal Friday night?

Faye: *she cracks a smile* Your right this is a rather light transition. Ok so my ideal Friday night would start with a sunset picnic. Just eating some yummy snacks, listing to music and being out in nature. Maybe we'll dance in the grass or just lay around and talk.

Interviewer: That sounds like a fantastic evening. What’s the last song you listened to?

Faye: "If You Were Mine" by Minova.

Interviewer: I'll have to give it a listen. How do you behave in a relationship?

Faye: In one word giving. I really like doing things for my partner. Curating sweet little gifts and dates keeping in mind how well I know them, in my opinion, is the best way to show them how I feel.

Interviewer: Do you approach those you’re interested in or let them come to you?

Faye: I think it's definitely a bit of both. I'll definitely approach someone first if it seems like they're on the shy side. Until I turned fourteen...maybe fifteen I was pretty awkward, but then I just decided to start accepting myself and putting myself out there.

Interviewer: What is your biggest pet peeve?

Faye: I really hate liars. Especially if you're lying about someone else. Like, why would you drag someone else's name through the mud.

Interviewer: What do you notice first about a person?

Faye: Their energy and presence. It's not that I believe in auras or anything, but people really do give off unique vibes.

Interviewer: What did you dream about last night?

Faye: Nothing that I can remember, thank god! I did watch a suspense movie right before bed, so I was sleeping with the lights on.

Interviewer: *lets out a light chuckle* Well Faye this has been an absolute pleasure, but I believe that’s all the time we have for today. Thank you so much for coming in and sharing more of your story with us!

[cynthiaandsamus]

Since 2019 I've made a word document where I list everything I finished within that year so I can look back on it on New Years Eve and reflect on the media I've consumed this year, so here's some thoughts:

Games: This was a big year for Pokemon for me, I finished the Indigo Disk DLC for Scarlet as well as playing through Violet and its DLC and Shield to finally complete my Pokemon Home Dex so that was a big chunk of time but feels really good to get done.Finally went back and finished some games I either played a long time ago or started and never finished like Paper Mario 64 and Tears of the Kingdom, given the latter was relatively recent and caused me to have a bit of an emotional breakdown I won't dwell too much on that. Also got some quirky titles off my list like Pizza Tower and The Patrick Star Game which were kinda polar opposites in term of difficulty but both pretty fun timekillers for a bit, meanwhile I also finally got a Steam Deck and was able to play I am Bread which was a game I'd wanted to try out since back in the big youtuber days when everyone was playing it, can't say it quite lived up to the decade of hype I built up for it in my head but for what it was it was pretty fun. Finally played Banjo-Tooie for the first time after completing the first one on emulator in college and having the first game but never finishing it as a kid, gotta say that one was kinda REALLY frustrating in parts and feel like it wasn't meant to be 100%ed with how tedious some of the stuff is but it's good to check it off my list and experience everything at least once. And last but not least my two day journey with Slay the Princess is still pretty freshly documented on here and I enjoyed it quite a bit, may try for another route at some point but for now I kinda just want to let the experience digest and work on some other stuff for a bit.

Shows: A lot of things for the Custom Toonami Block that I'd started finally wrapped up this year, Scott Pilgrim Takes Off, Ranking of Kings, Yu Yu Hakusho, Zom 100 (even if I finished it just in time for regular Toonami to announce it), Spy X Family, Jujutsu Kaisen, Vinland Saga, the next part of Monogatari, Konosuba, Frieren, Delicious in Dungeon, The Witch from Mercury and Castlevania and of course I finally finished the Inuyasha rewatch several years in the making, capping off the longest running Custom Toonami show. Of these ones Jujutsu Kaisen and Vinland Saga really left a pretty great impression on me and of course I enjoyed Frieren and Marcille since I have them as visiting muses now. Also seeing the end of Yu Yu Hakusho for myself after all these years after dropping off somewhere late in the Chapter Black arc as a kid really was something even if the ending feels kinda cobbled together at points for real world reasons. Also caught up on some Star Wars series with the final season of The Bad Batch and the first and final season of The Acolyte, The Bad Batch is kinda middle of the road where I don't think it's anyone's favorite series but I don't hear anyone really hating on it either, it's pretty much just kinda whelming fun, The Acolyte... a lot of people have definitely said a lot of things about it and idk I feel like it could've been more interesting if they were allowed to go more balls to the wall with the gray morality instead of making the whole plot one big oopsie daisy. And lastly I did manage to catch the Ted's Caving Journal webseries which was a lot of fun as a big fan of the original story, some things are really hard to translate to screen with how a lot of it is just Ted sitting in the dark and thinking but I think the guys that did this did probably the best job with it that can be done and it was really cool to see it brought to life.

Movies:Didn't see a TON of movies this year, but I did go to the theater a couple times which isn't a guarantee every year so there are some thoughts. Started the year off with Ghostbusters Frozen Empire which was... fine, it's one of those movies I mostly watch with my family for movie night so my mom can gush about nostalgia, as a movie it was fine, we saw Afterlife when it came out and that was alright, think the new direction of the franchise is kinda awkward in places but wouldn't call it bad. Probably the strangest thing on my list this year I watched Night of the Hunter on Easter weekend based off a recommendation for underappreciated movies and for an old black and white movie it was pretty interesting, kinda anticlimactic how they kinda just shoot/arrest the guy in the end and most everything's fine for how fucked up the rest of the plot is but given the time period you can't go too hard on the ending. I swear I've seen Kiki's Delivery Service before but I never owned any of the Ghibli movies as a kid so I can't really remember how much attention I paid while watching it as a friend's house while we were playing and stuff so it was basically a fresh watch as I hung out one night and it was your standard Ghibli vibe fun and my favorite part was DiCaprio pointing at the screen when I heard the song from Suzume start playing when they're doing the road trip montage. Beetlejuice Beetlejuice was another one that was mostly for a family movie night nostalgia bender but I enjoyed it well enough, it's really hard to do a distant sequel like that but they did a decent job of throwing around enough of the iconography while giving a fresh and funny plot. And then the results of my trip from last weekend being Wicked Part 1 and Sonic 3, both very different movies but I had a pretty good reaction to both, ironically when I pieced together Wicked based on the songs on yotube I always thought the end of the movie was how the musical ended, like the only song I know of they didn't use was No Good Deed so idk what the heck goes on with the second half but apparently they're gonna do a The Two Towers deal and mix in some of the next part into Part 2 to fill it out, who knows how that'll go, starting the Wicked Cinematic Universe here. Sonic 3 as I said a few days ago was big dumb fun, loved the references to SA2 and though the fakeouts with Sonic's character himself were kinda weak, the message basically gets beaten over your head in the first ten minutes, Sonic is not a subtle franchise and that's why we love it.

So yeah, lots of neat media this year, hoping to continue that trend next year and do some new movies, games, shows, and rps with everyone, thanks for hanging around!

[thirdlotusprince3]

My Inside Out Emotions

Inside Out made me think of my own emotions as characters and what they do at the console. Maybe you relate to some of these things, and reading about my emotions makes you feel better, if it does I am happy for you. I share some things about my autism and my autism journey.

Joy

I make sure to laugh at myself to make me feel better about things. I also have lots of dreams, I want to help people, I want to travel the world, I want to discover my cultural identity, I want to create entertainment and make kids smile and comfort them. I want to raise people up, who have experienced the same challenges as me, and give them good guidance.

I am very open minded when it comes to my interests. There’s a broad range of sciences I find cool, and sports I want to try, and art forms, story genres, and music genres I like. I like abstract art and classical art. I also like cute animals and babies.

Anger.

I get triggered too easily when it comes to politics. I curse when I stub my toe. I also get angry when people underestimate me because of my autism. I am also stubborn, and I do not like to give up. I have been determined, I will not let people’s judgements determine who I am, but that has made it difficult for me in scenarios where it is better to walk away. I also hate not being able to have a say in something.  I also like cool things, like action movies, martial arts and vehicles, breakdance, and video games. Also the school system sucks.

I use to get angry at math, but my mom helped me a lot.

Anxiety.

I get anxious over people judging my allergies. I get anxious in big crowds. I get anxious about bullies. I often do not know what to say in groups. I get anxious if I will ever be good enough and doubt my intelligence, because of what people have told me. I also do not ever engage in dangerous habits and am very abstinent. But I am also very diligent in my diet and avoid fast food, I still eat fries and chocolate though. I always worry if I lost something. Sometimes I have nightmares, where people laugh at what I’m saying, then they shove me, and I wake up crying. I like thrillers and mystery movies.

Also, I normally don’t talk to my peers, people my age. I like talking to adults, who they are hired to take care of me, so they have to show hospitality, or children I find adorable. I also want to be a doctor because I feel like I would do better taking care of people, that being bossed around or being in a cooperative group setting. I also almost broke down at a bowling birthday when my parents were not around. I am fine with crowds like at concerts, but struggle with social gatherings.

Sadness.

I am obsessed with melancholic songs and dramas. And I also feel sad when I think about people out there, who do not have the help they need, I am lucky to have good parents who care about me, but not everybody has that help, and that makes me feel sad.

Ennui.

I get bored when I have writer’s block. I do not really sleep well, so it is hard for me to do anything, and concentrate on things like books, when that can make me happy. I do not know how to drive, so I cannot drive to places I would enjoy. It feels easier for me not to be present, imagine or think of nothing in the moment.

I should be reading. I finished a five-hundred-page novel in a couple weeks, that’s a new achievement for me. I just lack motivation however.

Envy

My envy is a mix of innocent admiration and pettiness. I admire successful people and historical people, I want to follow them and be someone who has the power to voice a cause, I want to be someone who can entertain and spread my art and spread joy. However, my envy judges’ other people as having less challenges, when really everyone has challenges. And my Envy has a lot of tendency to compare with people, whose art gets more noticed, who gets along with people better, and that’s not healthy.

Embarrassment

I often feel embarrassed about the times, I have gotten angry at people, or when I thought doing inappropriate things was funny, when I was younger, and later realizing, it’s not funny. I also tend to want to avoid kids I met four years ago of who I was in extracurricular classes with or school classes with.

Fear.

But I am not really scared. I used to be afraid of dogs, but I met my teacher’s dog who was gentle and did not bark loudly, and now dogs are my favorite animal. I used to fear nail clippers, but now I can clip by myself. I used to be afraid of the dark and sleeping by myself. I only started sleeping by myself, during covid when people were supposed to be social distancing. I used to be afraid of flies, now I can kill a bug and place it in the trash. I more so get angry at flies than scared. I would not do anything dangerous to be cool. But there are many things I am not afraid of that people are normally afraid of, I am not afraid of blood, heights, and I can perform on stage. I am afraid of falling, but not heights. I am afraid of gore, but not blood, that’s why I cannot be a surgeon. I don’t like realistic mannequins; dead things, and I don’t like gore. I do not like unfamiliar dogs getting close to me, but I adore dogs of whom I am familiar with. I am allergic to cats, but I was at my mom’s friend’s house, she owns a cat, and I dealt with my nervousness well.

Disgust.

I’m not really socially savvy. I miss social cues people find icky, that is my autism. I also am not judgmental and jittery around ugly people, when other people might curl away more easily. But I was a very picky eater up to my mid teenage years. I hated tomatoes, avocado, spinach, I still am not use to mushrooms, boiled egg, animal fat and tendons. But my mom’s friend who is vegan, she makes a nice salad, if you add olive oil or vinegar, salad is not that bad. Also, my mom is the master of fried rice, in Chinese fried rice there is always steamed vegetables, and friend rice always makes things taste ten times better. I also have a good eye for design.

I think my Inside Out journey would be realizing, to stop fighting people who want to help me, and to go along with things that make me smarter, stronger, and healthier, even though they are hard. And would be realizing it’s okay there are people out there who don’t like me.

You know what would be funny. Like on a hot day, Ennui drank all the water and Joy, Envy, Disgust, Anger are ticked off. Sadness tells them to shut up.

or whenever my thoughts race or run, Anxiety and Fear are playing ping pong or table tennis.

[disciple-of-frost]

Okie dokie then... (0 A 0)

Also! I'm just going to be answering these as a comprehensive list and not send out more. I'm really really sorry, I just don't want to send more to people I might have already sent this to. Just know I appreciate each and every one of you and my inbox/messages are always open if you want to chit chat more!

Also Also! I'm just going to be answering 12 things that make me happy, a nice happy medium also cuz my brain like to freeze up whenever I try to think about myself and my interests. (T _ T)

--

1.) My mutuals OCs! Seeing the love poured into each character and the unique takes everyone has done to fit MSQ/character dynamics to them is so cool! I know we aren't all a hivemind and we won't like all of the same characters, but seeing you all uplift and be supportive to one another helped me be more open and post about Ishi.

2.) Coffee. I am a caffeine fiend and I have done my damnedest to recreate a lot of the drinks Starbucks has released at home. And I will say, I make a mean Lavender Cream Matcha. If you think you can't make something like that I'd say don't be afraid to try. You might surprise yourself.

3.) Monster High. I was in high school in conservative, small town nowhere when they first released and my parents didn't feel the need to buy things that weren't necessities. So now that I'm an adult and enjoying things I never got the chance to when I was younger I have 5 Draculauras hanging up in my bedroom.

4.) My cats. I know I said Animals already in another post, but I don't care. I have four fur babies and they are so special to me, I'm currently living in a really small semi-beaten up apartment because any houses for rent where I am have pet limits and I am not going to abandon two of my cat's just so I can live in a slightly nicer but exceedingly more expensive house. It's not a perfect place to live by societal standards, but it's ours and my boys are everything to me.

5.) Music. I am expanding my music horizons, but for the most part I still listen to a lot of the music I did as a teenager. Linkin Park, Killswitch Engage, Sevendust, Breaking Benjamin, etc. But I do try to find more independent artists that emulate a similar sound to my old favorites; Mallavora, From Ashes to New, Aviators, Magnolia Park.

6.) Gonna move away from physical/material things for a sec. That feeling you get when you get done cleaning a room and you sit down, take a deep breath, and just smell the clean.

7.) The satisfaction of finding a new recipe and nailing it on the first/second try.

8.) Seeing people be kind. I know there are horrible things happening in the world right now, but seeing seemingly small acts of kindness get's me teary eyed. A person rescuing goose eggs from a pond and returning them to their nest. A man picking up trash from a forest creek. Somebody getting gifted a plane ticket to go see their family in another country or having a family member show up to surprise them. I'm honestly getting misty eyed just typing this out. I'm just a really emotional/sentimental person.

9.) The fact that I have been able to keep a single plant alive for more than a week. My partner and I got a potted plant at a baby shower for his boss almost a year ago and that little guy is still kicking.

10.) Giving compliments to people when I'm out in public. I never got a lot of positive affirmation as a kid so whenever I see someone being unabashedly themselves and just wearing their style proudly I like to let them know they look good and that they're killing it.

11.) Finishing a game that had me emotionally invested. Lookin' at you Persona 3: Reload.

12.) Seeing my friends in person after not hanging out in a while. Being an adult can be lonely and people have responsibilities in their own lives that they have to put first before leisure and friends. So actually finding time to be together with the people I love and being able to hug them is super important to me.

--

Okay then. That's about it for now, if I do get another one of these I'll try my best to list a few more.

Thank you to @paintedscales, @shadesofblades, @myreia, @draconian-empress, and @corsair-kovacs! 💙

[black-arcana]

HALESTORM's LZZY And AREJAY HALE Open Up About Mental Health

In a interview with Keen Eye 4 Concerts, HALESTORM frontwoman Lzzy Hale and her brother, HALESTORM drummer Arejay Hale, opened up about their personal experiences with a diverse array of mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety, and how music has helped them get through their hardest times. Arejay said in part (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET): "My life greatly improved four years ago. Going through immense heartbreak and a terrible breakup with someone you thought was your forever person really makes you a songwriter. Immense heartbreak and tragic life things that happen really, really force you to turn to music to help you cope with it, help you to get through it. So I'm thankful that I went through all that because it made me figure out how to express my emotions in music and how much better it made me feel, how much it helped me get through it. So now that I'm at a place now where my life is more stable and I have an incredible partner, I've got an adorable little dog, I'm glad I was able to kind of bring those things that I learned to the table now and utilize them when I'm writing for either HALESTORM, [my side project] KEMIKALFIRE or myself. Yeah, I think that you can get to the point where you're more mentally balanced, but you can still keep on being creative and keep on bringing things to the table."

Lzzy, who co-founded HALESTORM in her teens and has become an advocate for women and mental health in recent years, said: "And I'm so glad to see [Arejay] happier. We've all seen each other in our lowest lows and our highest highs and helped each other work through them. Arejay has been immense in my ups and downs and healing.

"Something that I try to remind myself of, I think it's helpful to remember that we're on a seesaw," she continued. "There is immense darkness and immense light on either side and one cannot exist without the other. You can't be all one way; there has to be a balance of the two. So I think that for me, if you try to flip the rhetoric and say, 'Well, I'm very grateful for the low times, because those low times were integral in making me who I am. And I like who I am today.' If I had made the best decisions in the world, it would have led me somewhere completely different and I wouldn't appreciate the fact that I've overcome that.

"I think that we have this misconception that we have to be these perfect beings, and we're just not going to be that way, and we shouldn't be that way, because without us failing, falling on our face every single time and trying to move forward, we wouldn't find, we wouldn't recognize our strength," Lzzy added. "And in a selfish way, on a personal level, regardless of whether we're musicians, songwriters, rodeo clowns or strippers or whatever we wanna be, I think that it's important that nobody's expecting you to be perfect, 'cause nobody is. So if you are, in fact, flawed, which we all are… So let's just get that out there — we are all flawed. We are all imperfect. We all make terrible decisions. We all have darkness in us. We all get to the deepest depths and think that we're the most terrible person in the world. We all are there. But as we recognize that and overcome that, you're going to be getting so much more from people. We get so much more from our fans, from our family by admitting to all of that and by showing all of that, because anyone who is looking at you for inspiration or looking at you, especially with us, with that imposter syndrome situation, and if they're looking at you like it's somebody that they want to be, how cool is it that you can say, 'You know what? I'm just as fucked up as you are, and I'm still here.' And that says something."

HALESTORM is currently working on a new album with producer Dave Cobb after making three records with Nick Raskulinecz.

Lzzy and Arejay formed HALESTORM in 1998 while in middle school. Guitarist Joe Hottinger joined the group in 2003, followed by bassist Josh Smith in 2004.

Last May, HALESTORM teamed up with country singer Ashley McBryde for a reimagined version of the band's song "Terrible Things", which was originally featured on HALESTORM's latest album, 2022's "Back From The Dead".

[gcldfanged]

Meet the Writer

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴜꜱᴇ(ꜱ) ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ?

(CANON MUSES) -

Genesis: I actually HATED Genesis initially in the og CC game. I thought he was a lame addition and just like… idk, they wanted Gackt in the game so they made his presence plot relevant? OOOUGH, I was so mad… But then I saw how the rpc and fandom treats him, which is honestly even WORSE SOMEHOW??? So I decided to try writing him seriously and what do you know, I actually kinda like it.

Verdot: I literally have to make the content I wanna see in this rpc, such is my burden. my curse...

(OCs) - I wanted to write about the themes I have on my pinned and honestly, there were so many Tseng rpers who I am friends and mutuals with that knock it out of the fucking ballpark- I just didn't feel like I'd have ANYTHING new or good to contribute to the exploration of his character? So I made an OC :P And he's really changed so much! I remember when I was still making my own art for him and he wasn't QUITE like there the way I wanted him to be, but I didn't have anything better to employ as a faceclaim or reference to draw from. And then Cas was like "btw here's a manga about your HYPERFIXATION" and Kokonoi's general appearance and vibe was a great starting point to go off of instead.

Anyway, There's always things I had planned for Jae in the works or on the backburner, but he has really evolved over the span of years I've been writing him, so I really appreciate every person who took the time to check him out and build something with him.

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ?

You know, I have been becoming more lenient with allowing myself to write certain things. I always end up being afraid of how people will react to certain themes I explore because... let's be real, a lot of people are pretty intolerant to opinions that are different than theirs. So long as whatever I and/or my partner explore is handled with the care and respect it deserves, I don't really see an issue with much anymore. Hell, I was terrified to post that one drabble fleshing out Jae meeting Veld for the first time because I was afraid people would see Jae's reaction to killing someone as somehow 'excusing abuse' because he wasn't dancing on the guy's corpse and actually showed remorse for what he did. It's fears of what I write about being misconstrued like that that really makes me hesitant to even talk about certain ideas with partners. But I'm getting over that, little by little and step by step.

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ?

I actually love writing (as you can tell) introspective pieces. Something where you're really getting inside the character's head for a moment to see past all of their walls and facades, or sometimes you're still seeing what they tell THEMSELVES is the real undiluted truth, but isn't. I just love that kinda stream of consciousness really dig deep into the VOICE of a character exploration. Makes me feel lots of emotions.

ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ?

Usually I'll be doing something else like watching a piece of media or listening to a podcast and start to think "Ooh, my muse would love this" or "this makes me think of xyz muse wow", and it just kind of expands organically from there.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ɪɴ ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ?

Music helps get me inspired initially, especially since I make spotify playlists for all my muses (and ships :P), so generally I'm cool with music, but usually I zone in too much on my own writing to pay attention. It's like my sense of hearing turns off.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ?

Both- There's always a general sort of... idea or outcome that me and my partner would LIKE to shoot for? And sometimes we just don't get there, because it really depends on what the characters do/say and how it's taken by the other muse.

For example, I was roleplaying a thread with @steeleidolon's Kunsel where he and Jae are trying to broker a deal and Kunsel ends up saying something to the effect of "your people" and he means the Turks. Jae, on the other hand, hears 'your people' and assumes Kunsel was bringing up his race and the perception of fellow people from Wutai or Hanuel being unfairly insular. So, it kinda went to shit, LOL.

It's little things like that that can color your muse's reaction to sometimes very different degrees than what you plan for!

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ꜱʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ?

I like complicated dynamics and no, I will never shut up about them. Ships for me don't even have to strictly be romantic or sexual in nature, so like- I have some interactions I'm still feeling out with @saishuu-heiki that are platonic but leaning in a distinctly enemy/frenemy/challenges other person kind of vibe? And I think it's great! They don't HAVE to be like "we're friends, we're lovers, or we hate each other'- Like, limiting all your interactions to one of those three options gets really boring for me...

ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀʟɪᴀꜱ/ɴᴀᴍᴇ?

King_Kkeungi is my mangaka pseudonym for the Silent Manga Audition that I tried submitting to last year. People have called me just "King" (if they didn't know how to pronounce Korean) or "Kkeungi" before, so I tend to go by these handles now.

ᴀɢᴇ?

30s, I'm like Dagon: ancient and evil, spoken about in hushed whispers that the zealots who follow my dark lore worship-

ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ?

May 10th

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ(ꜱ)?

Blue-greens like teal and turquoise, soft pastel mint, and pinky-purples

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴏɴɢ(ꜱ)?

Currently? PRIMADONNA by Kedarui! It's a sequel to their other song, Femme Fatale and has amazing lore and characters. It's just got fascinating kinda themes and imagery when you watch them back to back.

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

The 2nd DUNE movie, holy crap, I was blown away!

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

Hell's Paradise, which I am still TRYING to finish.

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ?

Philip by millenium parade, my new go-to Jae song

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ?

Thai or Vietnamese food *drools*

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ?

Summer... I just love the heat and the sun and the iconic imagery/sounds/themes like eating watermelon and wearing floppy plastic sandals, melting ice cream, hearing the chime of our furin while sitting outside on the porch of the house.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ?

I talk to regularly (like near every day): @ceaselxss, @annjiru, @phoenixshards, @sadistpet, @nightiingaled. Like talking with a lot: @speedchasing, @ofdeference, @hisnewera, @cwarscars, @contemptim, @steeleidolon, @altrxisme, @hxbiris & @hxvemxnd

The people who have known me the LONGEST are mostly discord only rpers now, but Tricky, HD, Kit, and Vixen I consider to be extremely close to me since we've been friends for... like over or around 6+ years and are still ongoing buddies who have met face to face before.

Then there's my ex-fiancee, but he doesn't do tumblr rp anymore.

This list also doesn't even cover ppl I write with/ooc interacted with over a long period of time like @ivory-paragon, @poeticphoenix, @reapersxfolly, @endweapon, @chthonicsurge, or @dcviltriggcr, so- I like reaching out to people and developing bonds! We don't even have to be on discord capslocking at each other, it's really cool when you can come back to an RPC and still have that connection without any awkward small talk?

[ioannemos]

i've been adding 'ugh' to a lot of my personal posts lately and it's frustrating me not just bc i'm trying to be more positive to myself (no really i am! i promise!) but also bc. well. i know why i'm still struggling with negativity. and it sucks

as i've been changing and growing i haven't felt like i'm "finding myself" (whatever that means) or discovering cool new things or putting out new leaves or anything positive or fun or even that interesting. it's felt more like i'm excavating a building that's been buried for decades or maybe centuries and 99.9% of the time i'm the only one on the site

it's not a cool building or a pretty building, oh no, it's some kind of weird building that has random hallways and tiny windows and no floorplan that makes any sense to me and it is not in a hospitable environment, let me tell you!

EITHER

it's hot and dry and i'm getting bit by mosquitoes and there's sand in every crevice of my being and i'm mad at the dig and myself and everyone else on the planet and whoever built this building here of all places and also the building itself

OR

it's cold and wet and i can barely move in the mud that's up to my knees and i'm tired and lonely and it's getting dark and i just want to climb out and forget about this place and go do something, anything else other than excavating this building that, as far as i can tell, very few people in the entire world care about or even know exists

but the building is me. i'm the building. so i can't leave it. i'm stuck here until i die. so i've got to make the best of it, and i'm doing what i can to at least make the excavation more bearable, but it sucks! the building sucks and the location sucks and i suck as an excavator and i am so, so, so tired of excavating

and every. single. time. that i think i've made progress and can maybe stop for a while and just enjoy where i've come, i realize there's another layer. THERE'S ANOTHER FKING LAYER! the work just got harder and who knows what THIS layer will be like. but since it was built on top of a meandering building with no clear purpose or guideline or even straight line, that bodes nothing good for whatever the heck the mess it was built on top of will be

and i can usually figure out, eventually, why my thought patterns and my emotions and my fears are the way they are. i know why i'm scared of living alone. i know why it's hard for me to speak up for myself. i know why i struggle to fight the deep-seated belief that i'm terrible for needing literally anything, especially if i dare to ask for it

i can figure out, eventually, why this room is the way it is and why it's connected to that room via this narrow hallway. i can figure out why this room has no windows. why that particular room is in the middle of everything. why this is a supporting beam

but it sucks! and finding out why this a load-bearing beam tells me what i need to replace and usually what i need to replace it with, but not how. not who i can ask to help me replace it. not when i should do it or how to recognize a good time to do it. and sometimes i don't know what to replace it with, or what would be a good interim support until i do figure out what to replace it with permanently

bc i don't want to be scared the rest of my life. i don't want to try to conform to what i think the people around me might need or want from me. i don't know what i want out of life, what my calling might be, but i want something. or maybe right now i just want to want something. bc i don't have anything rn, any guide or plan or even a dream. except... maybe...

peace. i want peace. i want peace on my own terms, i want what makes me feel peaceful. i don't know what it looks like or how to get there, but i want to reach a place where i can sit down for a minute and catch my breath and not feel like i'm stealing time that could be spent better on literally anything else. i want to achieve peace

and like fk do i know how to get there