#i am treating myself to some
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completely innocuous vash sheet :) fr practice
#my art#trigun stampede#trigun#vash the stampede#trigun vash#trigun stampede fanart#trigun fanart#vash fanart#STILL dont know the tags gomen ill do research one of these days#anyway . 4 gd days later hes finally done#here is what i am learning . i love his design sm. but jesus CHRIST#all the individual elements r so time consuming i want to tear my face off. im slowly getting more familiar w the arm but God.#im so peeved at how long this took but i am trying to cut myself some slack. remembering tht his design is a 24 hour endeavour#and i drew 4 of him#3 of which being fullbody 2 of which being foreshortened 1 of which being a Maid Dress#the price i pay fr self-indulgence.....the price i pay fr [redacted]#this started out as a treat fr me n it became my purgatory#but it is DONE and now i can look at vash in a maid outfit and tied up and jacket off turtleneck Out and shirtless and- *is shot dead*#anyway huge shoutout to mey rin black butler fr being the og Maid With Gun#stole the thigh bustle from a panel of her it was just too good#anyway take it enjoy the fruits of my labour enjoy him i am . exhausted.
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I think when people think of mental illness and what helps, especially with things like anxiety and depression, the treatment involves pushing yourself. Pushing yourself to get out of bed, to exercise, to take a shower, to go out in public, to order your own food from the cashier, etc.
And because the mental health movement has grown so much, people think that's the default of ALL illnesses. That the only way someone will get better is if they push themselves. That practice makes perfect. That you'll become more comfortable or strong over time the more you do something.
But what people need to realize is, with physical disabilities and chronic illnesses, pushing yourself in most cases is DETRIMENTAL. Pushing yourself past your limits can lead to flare ups or further injury. That's why it's important to know your limits, how certain activities may affect your condition, and learn how to either adapt or get help to complete the activity in question.
Also, most of us are already pushing ourselves. Most of us don't have access to the help or equipment we need. Most of us live in places where we frequently encounter inaccessible obstacles. Most of us NEED to rest.
So please don't try to be our physical therapists or doctors. There are people specifically trained to help us navigate our own conditions and limitations. There are people trained to help us strengthen our body's resilience without causing flare-ups or injury. Do not tell us "it'll be good for you" or "you need the exercise" when we say something is too heavy or too far or when we say we need our mobility aid(s). Your friend with depression may need to be encouraged to get out of bed, but your friend with chronic illness definitely doesn't.
Respect our rest.
#wrenfea.exe#DISCLAIMER: dont take this as me saying you should be pushing your mentally ill friends#this is more about how physical conditions often differ in how they are treated#also dont like. force your friends or anyone with anxiety to do things they dont want to#thats what therapists are for#also most mental illnesses require medication alongside therapy before they can get better#but even chronic illnesses and disabilities that benefit from exercise still require knowing your limits#and not being pressured to push past them#ive noticed some professionals who help both mentally and physically ill patients tend towards the push method#like my therapist and sometimes my counselors fall back on that method#and i have to remind them i am already pushing myself#and i need to adapt rather than push forward#chronic disability#chronic pain#spoonie#disability#chronic illness#cripple punk#cripplepunk#cpunk
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<3
part 1 - 2 - [3] - 4 - 5 - 6
you can get the full pdf for free or if you feel generous get it for a few coins here ^^
#omniscient reader's viewpoint#orv#lee gilyoung#han sooyoung#kim dokja#my art#id in alt#i am sick so i'm treating myself to posting some more
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ON GOD???????????
#im about to do some crazy things so i can soak these guys in milk for 24hrs just to smack them against the wall until my elbows snap#i must repeat to myself over and over i am immune to corporate greed and do not need these things#and yet#perhaps just a little treat...#munpost
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hippity hop....out on a bop.....
#limbus company#heathcliff lcb#scribbles#BUNGYYYYYY#ive really been appreciating rcorp heath lately. its probs bc i really like myo and the rabbits as a whole. bunny.#thigh blades. big gun (that i didnt wanna draw). knife. orange and black. do you understand#ive also been like in the vortex so i allowed myself some lcb traditinal sketches as a treat. idk if the people want that. but here#heavily edited bc the highlighjter i used isnt showing nicely on the scan#did you know rabbits dont actually have pawpads like everyone wants to draw them with?#i know this. however. i am not immune to rcorp standard issue shoes but they leave animal tracks
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Holy Object
#my art#second chance wip#fantasy art#animation#it's the Key y'all#cursed myself when I made arguably the most iconic object in my wip canonically impossible to draw#throwing in a little beetle imagery. as a treat. shh#spent too much of my day on this lol#!!!!!!!! have I mentioned that I'm insane about my own silly little story? !!!!!!!#did this live up the to full heights of my vision? absolutely not#some corners were cut. but. I still am proud of the end result
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behold! the Kings of Mega Gay!! they're Frolicking!
#*shoves them down the hill but Affectionately*#look at them go <3 they are Im Lovm#i asked myself 'whats the fruitiest couples pose' ItsThis. it is This.#roughly. it looked different in my mind but doesnt everything?#scribble salad#welcome home#laughingstock#this took. way too long. the sketch not the rest of it#translating whats in your brain to Visual is so so tough#and i deserve a treat for mostly figuring it out. emphasis on Mostly.#i think i will.... make a delicious Salad#boil an egg... chop some beets... Fuck Yeah...#what else goes in salad. Cheese. Garbanzo Beans. Chicken!#i am putting in the effort <3
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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it
#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL#AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP#yep that was meee :3#man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did#but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying#I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious#I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep#then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh#I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking#so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital#luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point#so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like#I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do#and I was scared it might make things worse#but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack#luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone#and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there#I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city#bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there#so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by#I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before#I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches#so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die#cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome#but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug#but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication#now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf#sleep.txt
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I absolutely understand why Babe would forgive Charlie so quickly. These two moments right here explains it perfectly:
And this one
Babe has spent almost his entire adult life feeling like he can’t love anyone. Feeling like he can’t, like he wasn’t worthy of that love, that he wasn’t worth it. He wanted someone who would love him uncondititionally and completely. Someone who would take care of him and not judge him. Then came Charlie. For all of Charlie’s flaws and lies, that is the one thing I don’t think I’ve ever doubted. Charlie loves Babe. He loves Babe so much but he also knows that if he tries to tell Babe who he is right away, Babe will reject him. Babe will, like he did at first, assume that it is all a part of Tony’s plan to get Babe back, to force him to go along with what Tony is planning.
With the foundation that their relationship has now, Babe knows that Charlie loves him. That everything he did, no matter how fucked up, was because he loved him. Charlie offers to die so that Babe will gets his senses back. I think that right there says a lot about how much Charlie loves Babe. How much Charlie loves period. He was even willing to lie to Tony on something easily fact checked. He lies and says he hasn’t seen Jeff. If Tony doesn’t know Jeff works at the garage I’d be very surprised. Charlie is so completely willing to put himself into harms ways for those that he loves. And Babe knows that.
So Babe forgives him. Babe forgives Charlie because Charlie disproves every single negative thing Babe has ever thought about his ability to love, about his ability to be loved. Babe is so starved for love, for touch, for someone to love him. Charlie gives it to him in spades, never stopping. Babe feels safe enough with Charlie to actually love him back. Something he has never done before, he’s never felt like he could.
This is also not so incidentally why I won’t get on the “Way might be a walking red flag but I’m color blinded” train. I have felt the exact same way Babe has felt before, something I still struggle with to this day. That kind of intense self loathing is tough to live with. Babe lived with his for years before Charlie. He never felt like could love anyone, and Way made him feel that. Way made him feel like he wasn’t worthy. It feels like an extremely fucked up version of “if I can’t have him no one can”. I do think it comes from Way also feeling similar to Babe, which is why I am still ultimately sympathetic to Way as a character, but the boy needs to step the fuck back from Babe and let the man live his life and be happy with Charlie. Babe has said so many times, including to his face, that he and Way could only ever be friends. Way just doesn’t seem willing to accept that, which a big yikes for me. Add the hypnosis on top of that and if this were in any other genre, I’d be voting for Way to get his head lopped off. Still I love Way is able to move on, whether that is with Pete or not. Hopefully his and Babe’s friendship will improve because of it.
So yeah, I don’t find it surprising at all that Babe is willing to forgive Charlie that easily. Charlie is everything he’s ever wanted on a silver platter. He was also willing to be completely honest with Babe as soon as Babe asked for honesty. He didn’t lie, he didn’t beat around the bush. He explained it all, point blank. He didn’t even lie about being the reason Babe lost his senses, even when he could have and it’s likely Babe would have never found out. Charlie proved that he does love Babe, genuinely and completely. He wants to protect Babe no matter what. He is willing to do anything. It’s exactly what Babe wants and what he needs. I have no doubt Babe will give back as good as he gets too.
This likely isn’t the end of the road for this discussion. I think they will revisit it eventually, though under what circumstances I can’t say. For now, Babe is willing to forgive him easily, because he loves Charlie and Charlie loves him. In the end, that’s all Babe wants and now that he is getting the chance, he’s going to grab it and hold on with both hands. He knows he can do that because he knows, down to his core, that Charlie will do the same for him.
#pit babe#pit babe the series#babecharlie#charliebabe#pit babe meta#yes i finally got the chance to watch the episode#and i am in my charliebabe feels right now#to distract myself from the lack of alanjeff this episode#and yes before anyone tries to say otherwise#i am looking forward to more of way and pete#i do like way#i just hate the way he treats babe#he’s like some kind of manifestation of the dark voice in babe’s head that makes him believe all of the negative things about himself#and i hate that#anyway#*gestures vaguely*#cap watches pit babe#cap speaks
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softly troubled sea beast risto (or as I like to say: a damsel in distress)
#oc#risto#with what or whoever he's facing right now HE'S NOT HAPPY#there are plenty of ways underneath the sun to make him happy again though#marrow gates#HAPPY SATURDAY ALL please treat yourself to something nice#I have been dealing with headaches today BUT I made myself some tasty food which sure will boost me I AM SURE
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x
#so i made it home now from work and i want to treat myself to some copia gif#also i am the worst just wanna tell that everyone#love it when a video is fucking high quality!!!#tobias forge#ghost#ghost band#papa emeritus#ghost sweden#ghesties#copia#the band ghost#myedit#papa emeritus iv#papa iv#papa copia#ghost bc#papa thighs
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Part of my experience with abuse is hoping I get a kid like me so I can know how easy it can be to love them, how easy it is to not treat them how I was treated, and breaking that cycle. It was only hard for them to love me as a child because they didn't love me in the first place. They wished for me to know the hate they had, and I refuse to carry their water for them like that. It was never hard to love me.
#mental health#mental health recovery#abuse#abuse tw#even if i never become a dad i know what it's like to love strangers as though they were my flesh#and i wouldn't wish them the hate that i experienced#treating myself like a stranger in some ways helped me realize i never deserved any of it#anyway. if you were treated this way: you weren't hard to love as a child#even the most 'out of control' chuldren are not impossible to love#aand the effort to love them is worth it every time#because loving and respecting people is worth it even when it's not always easy#like i'm not saying parenting is easy. but the easy part ought to be the love part#maybe that's the first easy thing you should do before having children i think#because as a hastag abused kid: we can tell when you hate us. we can feel the searing hatred#we can tell when you wouldn't care if we died. and it sticks with you#and you become an ANTI-role model to us#i am well into my life as an adult and my abusers from childhood are STILL my anti-role models because of how awful they were
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#I have this idea Im trying to write but fuck it’s difficult#Basically… only Bucky (and Clint) are the only ones that believe that Old!Steve wasnt Steve at all#everyone else treat them like they’re delusional and they should actually grieve Steve#while… Steve is out there in a prison trying his best to go back to Bucky and Sam (even tho he doesn’t know Sam already gave up on him)#I made two ficlets already but I still need to bullshit my way through a lot of plot#im actually considering watching some shows to have a more accurate view and understanding on lore lmao#even tho I hate the new shows#ignore I wrote only two times in the same sentence onfg thsgs why I dont write anything ever#also dislexia#stucky#post endgame Stucky#fuck canon#Old!Steve is a skrull#steve rogers#bucky barnes#more sketches#im actually going to finish this! but Im going to use it for the fic I don’t know if Ill be able to finish or write correctly#i will try my best#same with other ideas I have that have a lot of lore#Why am i doing this to myself? because Im a dumbass#thats why#also I love Stucky with my all bc they’re one of my otps
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Today
Is an awesome fuckin day gang 💪
#I have been dealing with some irl family shit for months now and it’s been kinda!!! it’s been. it has been 👍#BUT TODAY!!!! is a day of celebration for that whole thang is over it’s done with!!! for now but I will take it in stride bc#it won’t truly be over until the circle of life takes its course but a win is a win and I’m just so happy#it’s gonna be so peaceful today.#lynx talks#I’m not even kidding I’m celebrating with homemade pasta I prepped and am TREATING myself
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Anyways
#they KNOW its been the hardest year ive had so far why cant they cut me some slack!!!!!!!#i have never cried so much in a year nor have i felt so much stress and they KNOW that so why!!!!!#also has your father ever said Well this is your problem. you dont know yourself at all.#SIR I HAVE BEEN WORKING HARD IN THIS AREA TOO I KNOW MYSELF BETTER THAN YOU KNOW ME ?????????#which would be clear judging by how lightly you said that because if you knew me you would know how i hate being treated like a little girl#who knows nothing????? and not my mother hearing someone call me mature for my age#and then LAUGHING nonstop and then saying: mature? who? you??#GIRLS I AM HAVING A ROUGH TIME LOL PLEASE IGNORE THIS#i miss my friends so very much!!!! and my parents are always like dont value your friends too much they always leave but youll always have#family. well maybe so but my friends would never say things like that to me#anyways i am going to BED
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A month to the day till Stormlight Five, which is effectively a finale book, releases. I only started reading Sanderson during lockdown, so I never had to wait for the other books in the series.
It had just better be a good book.
#I am going to go to Indigo and get it for myself as a St. Nicholas Day treat.#I found Rhythm of War weak compared to the other volumes - beset by middle books sorts of problems - so I'm hoping Sanderson#is back on his game and can really stick the ending.#(and yes - I'm aware Sanderson is planning a back half for some faroff future day but we've essentially been promised the arc wrap up#and that's what it had better be!)#coreander's old books#recovering reader
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