#i am totally normal about merthur

[mycroftscafe]

arthur is so relatable for that

cannot believe arthur pendragon canonically wishes for a cottagecore lifestyle

[mythmerth]

hello and welcome to the

mythmerth 2024 merthur fic reading wrapped 💫

I am your host mythmerth, and these are my merthur ao3 fic reading stats. when I say stats, I mean lists of numbers and histograms and pie charts and all that. like im so serious its a bunch of oddly color coded numbers that also happen to mean I read a shit ton of gay fan fiction. if that’s fun for you you’re in the right place!

Before we begin with the numbers there’s some things I want to clarify:

This is not going to be my favorite merthur fic reads of 2024 because god this is loaded enough as is. if you’re looking for my 2024 recs, go HERE !! (I will link when I have the post made!)

These stats are wholly collected and compiled by me. Whenever I read or reread a merthur fic this year, I added the word count number to my list as soon as I was finished reading. I’ve seen some ao3 wrapped generators hanging around and I’m here to say that that is NOT what I used, and in fact from what I can tell would’ve been wildly inaccurate for me; this is the sweet sweet old fashioned data collection and thus has all the pros and cons involved in that.

For my data, all numbers are rounded to the nearest whole and written in the thousands unless specified otherwise. If you see a ‘26’ in my data images, assume that means roughly 26,000. For fics at a 25,501 word count, I rounded up to 26. For fics at a 25,499 word count, I rounded down to 25. the hope is that these even out at the end!

I am so excited and I have 0 regrets. 100% of these fics are merthur fics (including a very occasional poly fic) and I have never felt more off my rocker in my life.

all that being said…

it’s time for stats.

let’s begin with the complete 2024 tally before we get into the nitty gritty.

Between January and December of 2024, I read a total of 14,489,000 words. Yes, that is 14.5 million words of merthur fan fiction.

Of those 14.5 million, ~4.6 million were from fics I reread and ~9.9 million were from novel fics (aka I’d never read them before).

I read a total of 239 fics this year (N is NOT in the thousands). Of those 239 fics, 52 were rereads and 187 were novel.

Half (~119) of the 239 fics I read were above 44k and half of them were under 44k.

The average fic length id pick up was about 60k, and the specific word count I happened to read the most often was 39k.

Funnily, the average length of the fics I reread was 88k, and the average length of all the novel fics I read was 53k, so I guess I’m inclined to reread long fics more ???

The highest <completed> word count I read this year was Sorcerer’s Bane by BeautifulFiction, clocking in at a very scrumptious 265k words.

Not depicted in the image, but the longest series I read was Footloose’s ever infamous Loaded March, giving a hearty 1.26 million words to my count this year.

Now for the fun part…. monthly specifics…

behold, the gay merthur donut

did someone say pie chart?? too bad, you get a donut. also hello to my pfp.

From my monthly counts, May was my lowest at 732k words read and August was my highest with a very normal and regular 1.8 million words. read. in August. 1.8 million.

(once I saw those stats i wondered if I’d really gone berserk cause… what the hell was I on. is this normal? I don’t know what’s normal anymore)

I read an average of 1.2 million words per month, so I hover right around there with some exceptions (looking at you July and August. and May.)

This is a look into how I break down the months

Each novel read is noted with the right skew within the cell, and each reread is noted with a left skew. So for January, I had 7 rereads. Then I add them up and do general stats when the month is over: I read 20 fics in January that averaged at 65k each, for a total count of 1.3 million words.

Sometimes I’d mark fics in other ways to keep track of them, I did this with certain series and also to denote if a fic was unfinished. In August, I’d picked up Loaded March again and you can see those in blue. I also read Accidentally my Companion which is an unfinished work by Nakyrah, shown in green in the image (this is also the longest fic I read this year if you count ongoing, it’s at 276k as of now so check it out tehe)

I messed around with some histograms too~

While this is set up as a ‘histogram’, this is actually all 239 fics I recorded one by one laid out as a chaotic strip of lines. Each line is a fic, the height denotes word count. I have a pretty typical rhythm; read short fics between the super long ones, nothing too insane other than that diabolical spree of reading long fics I went on at the beginning of the year. I was about to get my bachelors alright? I was doing anything. my average word count in February was 114k okay I couldn’t be trusted. clearly, cause the first thing I did with my degree was make a fan fiction stat chart

Now this is a proper histogram: each bar represents a word count category and the height is how many in the category I read. As you can see, I’m very inclined to read the 23k-63k category. There’s also a spike at ~115k and I think that’s a bit funny. like why that set specifically? they Speak To Me

Speaking of fics I’m drawn to. You’re probably thinking, ‘the numbers are cool and all, but of those 14 million words of godforsaken merthur fics, what ratings did you read the most?’ I’m so glad you asked!

I read the MOST godforsaken ones.

I have no charts for this because I painstakingly went through all of my bookmarked fics from 2024 and tallied their ratings on paper to the best of my ability.

Out of the 187 novel fics I read (I don’t re-bookmark rereads so if I’d thought of this category sooner I would’ve been MUCH better off but I didn’t and now we’re here)

131 of them were Explicit (70%)

39 of them were Mature (21%)

13 of them were Teen (7%)

4 of them were General (2%)

And I guarantee the rereads look almost identical to this, if not more explicit. something about merlin and arthur and their explicit antics heal me; it’s always the filthiest I start reading when I’m feeling my lowest. I eat that shit UP. So if you’ve come to my page looking for Teen rated fics I fear this may Not Be The Place For You. I’ve read quite a number of very good T and G fics!!! I just. the mature ratings. they call me.

and lastly, I’d like to post my scrappy 2023 stats cause the year difference is. kinda funny

they consumed me body and soul and I haven’t looked back once.

and that does it for this years mythmerth merthur ao3 wrapped!

I hope you enjoyed this breakdown as much as I enjoyed all the reading and data collection I did this year!!

Again, if you’re looking for my 2024 recs I’ll have them linked here as soon as I create the post <3

If you have any inquiries or questions or comments on what my merthur 2025 wrapped should include pls let me know I’m just having a good time with this, what did you think? what should I do next?

[cbk1000]

It's actually wild to me how long I just learnt to live with extreme fatigue and brain fog. Like, oh, yeah, guess it's my new norm to spend most of my weekend lying in bed listening to ASMR videos and scrolling reddit because I'm struggling to stay awake at 1:00 in the afternoon and I don't have the brainpower to do anything else. Struggling not to fall asleep at my desk in the middle of work? Must just be because it's boring.

Turns out that's not normal (imagine), and even now that I'm getting an average of about six hours of sleep because my sleep has improved but still not totally normalized (my iron levels are better, but still a long ways from where they really need to be, and I'm pretty sure my sleep issues were also a symptom of iron deficiency, because I'm not waking up multiple times a night anymore), I am way less tired than when I was getting ten hours and still struggling to stay awake in the middle of the afternoon. Like I wrote 12,000 words of the next chapter of Book of Merthur in three days, while still not at 100% and needing to rest from time to time if my chest started hurting too much from sitting up because I felt awake and clear-headed. I was having to pry out like a thousand words at a time (fortified with caffeine just to get through that) prior to starting iron supplements.

[onstar9]

Got me kicking my feet and convulsing with rage because the back of my mind saw that coming

"i'm a top" "i'm a bottom" okay?? some men are born to... plow fields... some live to be great physicians, others... to be great kings. me? i was born to serve you arthur. and i'm proud of that. and i wouldn't change a thing.

[jamiesugah]

Shipper Tag Game

I was tagged by @heyholmesletsgo.

1. What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don't care about anymore? Ooh, easy one. Danny and Michelle from Guiding Light. Danny was in the mafia. Michelle killed his brother (when he assaulted her). Danny married her to keep her safe from the rest of his family. They were *chef's kiss*. Probably my first introduction to fandom. There were shipper vids, fics, fan edits. And I mean this was, like, 1998, so it's not like the internet was huge back then. And it's not so much that I don't care in that I haven't thought about them in years. I wonder if there are fics for them on AO3.

2. Which ship would you consider your first one? I'd say Han and Leia.

3. Your first fanfic was about which couple? Trip and T'Pol from Star Trek Enterprise. I do not acknowledge that final episode.

4. Do you remember the first couple you saw fanart of? That depends on how we're defining "fanart". Danny/Michelle had a lot of manips and screencap edits, but the first, like, original art I remember seeing was probably for Ron/Hermione.

5. Have you ever gotten into ship discourse? Dude, I ship Sterek AND Sheith, ship discourse just finds you. But actually the worst for me was when I was in the CSI: NY fandom. People legit hated me there. I got doxxed on LJ. That's one of the main reasons I'm a fairly passive consumer of fandom nowadays. I don't have the energy to deal with that shit.

6. Did you use to have any NOTP or have one currently? Oh I have SO MANY NOTPs. I have a lot of filtered tags on Tumblr. Some of them are ships that squick me out, some of them have annoying or abusive fandoms and that turned me off the ship, and some of them are just I don't like them and don't want to see them.

7. Who were the couple in the last fanfic you read? I was simultaneously reading a SeanWhite (Not Me) and a WangXian (The Untamed) fic.

8. Currently, do you have any OTPs? I mean... Yes?? Have you seen my blog?? SeanWhite and WangXian are the big ones right now but I have so many.

9. Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting together? Sterek (Stiles/Derek, Teen Wolf) and Sheith (Shiro/Keith, Voltron Legendary Defender). Those fuckers were married, I don't care what garbage "canon" says.

10. Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they are kind of interesting? Not a specific one, but I used to dislike slash on principle because slash shippers treated me like shit when I was in CSI: NY fandom, so I sort of thought they were all like that, and now all of my ships are queer so there you go.

11. Do you have any ship that, in the past, would've been considered normal but now you would be cancelled over? I mean, I think if Sterek and Sheith had been 20 years ago, no one would give a shit, but now the purity patrol polices everything. People are still calling us abusers for those, and those shows ended 6+ years ago.

12. What is your favorite crack ship? I don't really have one, honestly. I have a limited amount of mental energy to spend, so I'd rather focus on my OTPs.

13. What is the couple you read the most fanfics about? Total, ever? I think Merthur, followed by Sterek.

14. What do most of your ships usually have in common? Grumpy is in love with sunshine, sunshine & sunshine protector, usually some variation of that dynamic.

15. What you absolutely hate in a ship? Understanding that this is personal preference and I am not casting judgment on what anyone else ships: ships when there is, like, absolutely no evidence that the two people involved have any romantic feelings for each other. I railed against Leonard and Penny on TBBT for so many years because I'm pretty sure they got them together because they "made the most sense" but in actual canon they were horrible for each other. I have no idea WHY I was supposed to want them together.

I'm not going to tag anyone so if you want to do this, go nuts!

[di-daynamic]

People who say 'if Merlin were a girl, Merthur would totally be a thing!'. . .

Uh. . . You're wrong.

If Merlin was a girl, it's doubtful if 'she' would get the servant's position to the prince, and if 'she' did, there would be riots every thirty seconds about the way Arthur threw goblets at and shoved 'her' around and the way 'she' literally didn't have ANYTHING in 'her' life not about Arthur, and people screaming 'Abuse' and 'Unhealthy and Toxic!!'.

I'll leave it to you to decide if and why Male!Merlin should and doesn't get the same.

Also, if the main reason for shipping Merthur is 'they're destined!! Two sides of the same coin! Merlin would do anything for Arthur!! How can that not be romantic??', it's not just a complete lack of creativity, but also chock full of amatonormativity. Merlin having PLATONIC love for Arthur would also very much be enough to do all that he did for him. Let me remind you this is the guy who was perfectly willing to commit forgery, identity fraud and treason for Lancelot within a day of meeting him.

We have never ONCE seen Merlin try to throw a punch at Arthur after 1x01 or even toss one of the things thrown at him back at Arthur. Why the hell is that?? If this violence so normal for the friendship/romantic relationship these two share, why can't they show it on an equal basis at least once?

And the so oft quoted scene where Arthur apparently tells Gwen he'd leave her behind to go to a farm with Merlin. That ... is so not what happened. Arthur is confessing the dream he holds so close to himself to the girl he loves, and when Gwen laughs, questioning how someone like him would work hard, THEN Arthur says he'd take Merlin too - to do all the hard work while he lounged around. Then Gwen laughs and teases him back - because that is one thing they share in common, which was what brought them together, that both of their best friend is Merlin. Even when she later amusedly comments that maybe they can spend more time together when Arthur goes off to become a farmer, he just looks wistful, definitely not startled the way he would've if he were really having romantic fantasies about his manservant and best friend.

I'm not saying there aren't plenty good reasons to ship Merthur. Through everything, the two of them do genuinely love one another. And there is a sad general lack of queer relations in canon, which means fanon is the way to go.

But I AM saying that Merlin BBC ≠ Merthur.

It's perfectly fine to ship other ships, to see those relationships as the most important ones and best (to me), not bother about romantic relationships at all!!

[lalazeewrites]

Fic Writer Interview

Wow, thank you @energievie & @vintagelacerosette & @thisdivorce for tagging me in this!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 

160 fics!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 

1,727,092 words!

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Quiet Rapture : 28,800 

Blood Moon : 15,920

Crybaby : 14,535

Helloooo, Nurse! : 12,228

Let’s Be Alone Together : 11,526

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I used to respond a lot more, but over the years, it’s harder to find time to sit and respond to them all. For example, one of my fics has over 7,000 comments. The average amount of comments I’ll get on a one-shot fic for a certain fandom can be 100-200 and it can take me literal hours to reply to them all in a thoughtful way. As a single parent with a lot of serious daily health battles (kidney failure, immunocompromised, regular migraines, PTSD, etc), it’s unfortunately really difficult to carve out hours of time to reply. I treasure my comments and they keep me writing, so I hope my continued writing is an adequate thanks. 

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

LOL Meat Grinder and The Most Human Color. Both are horror based. They were some of my most fun to write, personally, but only the brave ever seems to read them once in a while hehe.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

99% of my fics have happy endings. I love a happy ending. 

7. Do you write crossovers?

A few, but it’s not my specialty or anything. 

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

ALL THE TIME LOL. It’s just the territory when you become a well-known writer for ‘ship that people don’t approve of. It’s a normal thing for me to receive hate comments on a monthly basis since 2017. Anime fandoms suck in terms of how hateful they’re willing to get. 

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I’d say I’m known for writing smut. Like, that is my jam. I have 88 Explicit fics, so whatever it is, I’ve probably explored it on some level, minus extremely hard kinks.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yeah. Semi-regularly. Very frustrating. 

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, several!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Uhhh. Started to. The rest of the people got bitchy about how they wanted the fic to go and I dipped. 

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Impossible to say. My first fandom ship was Kirk/Spock, which is how I became known for my fanfic. But my readers are primarily BakuDeku and that was my hyperfixation from 2017-2020. However, my comfort ship that I read to chill out when life is rough is good ol’ Arthur/Eames and Merthur and Hannigram, and recently I have 77 bookmarked Gallavich fav fics which is the most bookmarks for a specific ship that I have. I dunno, I really don’t think I have an all-time fav!

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I’m very good at finishing WIPs. I am currently haunted by Crybaby, which I am working on. So, one that I don’t think I’ll ever finish is Keep Calm and Conceal Vulcans from way back in my KirkSpock days. I still get comments of old readers asking to finish it.

15. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue. Sex. Keeping pace without dragging ass.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Pausing to describe settings for more than two sentences. 

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Keep it brief, keep it intuitive so the reader can generally understand what’s happening anyway. 

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Star Trek! A Valentine’s Day exchange in Feb 2010.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

The Witcher. I have several WIPs that sit around for that. Knowing me, I’ll wait ‘til the fandom has full crashed and burned, then roll up with three back to back fics that five people will read. And that’s fine, it’s all about the joy of writing!

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Out of 160 fics?! Impossible. Uhhh. . .I’ll say Quiet Rapture because it has brought me an immense form of healing. But a lot of my one-shots brought me immense joy to write.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading! I'm tagging my lovelies @tierfal & @diemarysues so I can spy all their answers! The quiz is under the Read More!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

7. Do you write crossovers?

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

15. What are your writing strengths?

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

[tansyuduri]

@larluce Thank you for the tag and for the rec!!! You are amazing too! I can't believe I'm working on our second collab!!!! 1. How many works do you have on AO3? 31! 13 of which are Melin the rest are from YEARS ago.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

297,340

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently just Merlin. There is one dragon age fic I MIGHT eventually go back to but merlin for the forseeable future!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Fever Talk

Treat Me Warmly

Better Than Burning Merlin Enchanted (my first colab with Larluce)

Unthinkable All of these are what I tend to stick too for my fics that are below 40K+ Aka a mixture of fluff, Hurt/confort, angst, banter, whump, ETC with a happy ending. The next one would be one of my long fics XD

5. Do you respond to comments?

Consitering how happy they make me! Yes Every one!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'll be honnest with you! It would be in my old fics for the Dragon Age Fandom and not Merlin. I tend toward happy endings for Merlin fics. Likely Forget me not or Good Boy

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uhhhhhhhh UHHHHHHHHH UHHHHHH Well Most of my merlin ones have happy endings? If we're going least traumatized Um PERHAPS treat me warmly?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Oh not really hate but I got this one person commenting on my longfics that Merlin deserves better because arthur would go back to gwen if he could and that they don't like gwen. Like I'm sorry but my Arthur returns series is my love letter to the cannon version of the show in my mind. I'm not going to pretend Arthur never loved Gwen Even if the fic's main paring is Merthur, And even if I belive Gwen would be more likely to love Arthur but stay with the man she remarried (Who she also loved because In my mind she married again to a noble she loved for secrity AND LOVE because I want her to be happy in her life) and knew into old age in the afterlife.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I include sex scenes in longfics usually and if asked for a request. I do not think its what I am best at but I do my best!!!

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? NOPE!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

NOPE!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? I am borning and only speak english but I would never say no to this!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

with @larluce I'm actualy currently about to do my first edit of our second colab! 14. What’s your all time favourite ship? MERTHUR

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

When I started writing merthur I had a rule that I do not publish any of a fic until I am done with the entire thing. I do have some drafts however One is my version of What happens post cannon during gwen's reign. I Don't think I'll ever finish it because I'm CRAZY about merthur. and having Merthur in a fic helps keep me going with it.

16. What are your writing strengths? I like to think I am good at keeping In character, Besides that Dialouge and feelings I think. I like to know my characters deeply and be able to keep them fairly close to their cannon versions. Of course characters have LOTS of cannon versions depending on which time in cannon and how the story affects them. BUT still its somthing I like to focus on

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Problubly having enough decription. I'm NOT a super visual thinker so yeah. 18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Normally it should be translated or knowlable. Spells are an exeption

19. First fandom you wrote for? Um I was not in any fandom but I wrote a LOTR spoof in elementary school

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? Oh easy. Our Stars Still Shine Together was my first long merlin fic and the first that I wrote after realizing I could write again

@shanastoryteller @shana-rosee @catsconflictscopicsandchamomile @calamity-talvi @247merthur

@saurix5 @groundbreakingdot872

Twenty Questions for Fanfic Writers

Thank you @liviapeleia for the asks <3!!

Tagging longtime frond @breadkween, fabulous runner of @merlinmicrofic @queerofthedagger (thank you!) and reader and writer who's left me lovely comments @achillesuwu. @mythandmagic, Ao3 is down rn so I can't check but if you have any fics yourself, here's an ask game for you! There's no obligation, presh or time limit of course! Also like @liviapeleia said before me, consider yourself tagged if you see this!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

11

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

265,960

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now just Merlin. I've written for other fandoms in the past but each of those works have been standalone.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Always His Destiny | Merlin | A true love's kiss, resurrection and golden age AU written for Glompfest 2024.

Like Every Tree Stands On Its Own | Merlin | A longfic inspired by other Arthurian media/sources featuring Wildman Prophet!Merlin and a magical forest. This is my magnum opus.

What's Mightier Than a Sword and Robs a Prince of His Servant? | Merlin | Pre-slash Merthur minor canon-divergence in which Merlin's talents in speech writing land him a promotion and Arthur is Not Pleased™.

Only Human | Venom | A short gift/exchange fic about masturbation, lol. The fic I received in exchange was also about masturbation. In my defence this was a writing exercise (I promise).

The Sky Is Falling | Nightvale | Unfinished fic about alcoholism recovery, love, community and the complete collapse of reality.

...Okay wow what a mix :D

5. Do you respond to comments?

I really love comments and I love getting into discussions with readers! It really makes my day to see that someone has commented on one of my fics.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Am I allowed to choose a soon to be published WIP? Words Are Dead, a microfic inspired by the Agnes Obel song of the same name in which Merlin and Arthur are unable to communicate when Arthur returns. Merlin has lost Brythonic, his first language, and his capacity to relearn it. He's simply been alive for far too long and his mind has suffered :(

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Like Every Tree has a prolonged bittersweet kind of ending but I think Always His Destiny wins.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope/not yet!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, though so far it hasn't been the focus of any of my works, there's no reason why that can't change though (the Venom one doesn't count, I make the rules here). As to what kind I'd say loving and intimate, I guess? Sometimes with a bit of a hurt/comfort element to it. Again, no reason why I can't branch out in the future ;)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

While not labelled as a crossover, Like Every Tree was heavily inspired by Arthurian media both new and old, and one medieval Irish source. I did so much research for this fic and I'm still down those various rabbit holes. It was a homage to my favourite, janky cartoon movie from my childhood Quest for Camelot. Otherwise I don't write proper crossovers.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Don't think so.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also don't think so.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No but I would love to!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

I guess it really has to be Merthur! I don't recall a ship ever having such a hold on me. Those two are doomed but made for each other. The way they interact is so much fun to read/write.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Damn, this is definitely Be Here When the Weather Turns, a Mushi-shi fic. It has a very soft, restful and liminal vibe and I adore it. I really do wish I can finish it someday. So sometimes like a song, you share a piece of media with someone, or you associate it with a particular chapter in your life, and that song/piece of media brings up feelings. I'd like to think it's still worth a read. If you don't know Mushi-shi, please consider checking it out, it was weird and quiet and beautiful.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I can't deny that I put a lot of love into this hobby. Also @breadkween has told me that they really like my dialogue :3

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm really prone to typos. I can re-read something a hundred times and just fail to see them. I'm a very slow writer; what I put out usually goes through months of edits and change-ups. Lastly I have embraced a faux-pas or two for fun, such as starting sentences with 'and.' And no one can stop me >:)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'd only be comfortable writing dialogue in a language I've formerly learned and have some level of familiarity with for fear of getting something wrong.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Okay I love this question because the answer is the highly formative Garth Nix's Keys to the Kingdom series, a YA series I was obsessed with, and have continued to read, and re-read as an adult and as unexpected prequels and sequels popped up in more recent years. I wrote it on a literal floppy disk :D First fandom I wrote for that I actually published online was Undertale.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Definitely Like Every Tree. I'm just really proud of it :3

[feelitstillmp3]

i was going to dump this into @time-and-space​‘s inbox, but then it spiraled out of control and became super long. so im making it into a post. heres some thinking abt doctor who/torchwood/class/merlin parallels ! (specifically abt the parallels between tenrose/janto/charlie x matteusz/merthur) (keep in mind that my knowledge on merlin is not so good) (also feel free to correct me if im wrong or add anything on) (also this contains spoilers for ... all the shows. pls watch them, theyre good)

ive been thinking about the whole theme between charlie and matteusz where theyre like ?? scared to lose each other ?? and how it totally parallels to the other things like .... we have one character whos different and immortal and alien (not to mention the trauma they've been through-), but another who is supposedly "normal" and human. so, they work with it right ?

but then theres the ever-present danger of what they have to go through daily, and the fear that its going to leave them alone. i mean, they've already been left alone, but now that they've actually fallen in love, its different. its harder now.

consider the following lines:

"i think of it every day, and the only thing that stops me is you." (class, e6) 

"i take it all back, but not him!"(torchwood, s3e4) (theres probably a better quote but no think, head empty)

"i could save everyone, but lose you." (doctor who, uhhh idk but i swear the doctor said something like it at some point, pls correct me if im wrong)

and yes, theyve felt this before, the pain of their entire race being wiped out, no one left but them, and everyone seems to leave them in the end. but for one second, they stop and actually think they have a chance for a while. someone who might stay.

ALSO it works as like .... the normal person is scared of the other, scared of what they can do and how they are ....

consider the following lines:

"im afraid of who you are, of what you're capable of, of what you will do" (class e6)

"you like to think you're a hero, but you're the biggest monster of all." (s1e4)

"what about you, doctor? what the hell are you changing into?" (doctor who, s1e6)

the person who has been through so much is capable of doing so many things, and sometimes it scares the other one. but they witnessed genocide ! and theyre probably traumatized over it ! theyve probably done some terrible shit as a result of it ! both of them are so valid in being that way.

and another parallel i have just thought of, mentioned a lot already, but the recurring theme of killing off an entire race and how that affected the alien character ....

consider the following situations:

doctor who - the time war, in which the doctor participated, and eventually ended. // when 9 was planning to kill off the last of the daleks in the parting of ways, hesitating for a bit, knowing that it would end up destroying earth in the process, making them no better than what the daleks are

torchwood - jack's planet and how it got invaded, how his parents died as a result and why his brother did everything that happened in exit wounds. // ummm i think maybe how willingly jack was able to give the girl up to the fairies to save the human race, like hes seen what the fairies are capable of, hes seen what disasters mass murder can bring. he doesnt want to see it again. 

class - well, the shadowkin invasion, both on rhodia and when it happens on earth (both times) but also the invasion with the flowers ? // how much he really wants to just kill the shadowkin like ! he even mentioned it once ("i want to murder the shadowkin. every last one ...." e6) and he just wants to do it out of revenge. but “we shouldnt avenge genocide with genocide” (we're not going to talk abt how the only thing stopping him is that he would lose matteusz in the process)

but yeah ! theyve seen first hand what it like, and when prompted to do the same thing themselves, they end up hesitating, eventually choosing the other option instead. (well... except charlie. he does it once at least.) 

and finally, immortality. this ties in a lot w my first point abt losing the other person .....

doctor who - pretty easy to think about, the doctor has had so many companions over the years, and each time they end up leaving them. even after he meets rose, who wished to stay together forever ("how long are you gonna stay with me?" "forever.") but then she ends up leaving, the doctor is left to continue on for so much longer ..

torchwood - pretty same as above, jack never commits himself to a relationship, he knows everyone will leave him anyway. but then he meets ianto jones. and it all changes, he falls in love, which he said he would never do, and thats why he doesnt ever say "i love you," because once he says it then he cant deny it any longer. once he says it than he will have to admit that ianto, someone that he does love, is lost to him.

class - ok, charlie isnt technically immortal from what i know, but i am assuming he probably has a longer lifespan than humans (basing this off this line - "you want to know who would be the last one standing out of the five of us? i would." e6) so ! its mentioned a lot (and is the main theme, as i said earlier) that matteusz and charlie dont want to lose each other. i want to specifically point out the line “every day i think, please dont go where i cant follow.” (e8) because it just so implies that charlie is different. he can go places, live longer than matteusz ever can. 

going to add this onto the end here, but i just thought that actually merlin kinda fits into this too ! 

loss - the loss of his father, of his one childhood friend (will?), the knights of the round table (pretty sure a lot of them die too, correct me if im wrong) and even arthur who leaves in the end. everyone around him just seems to leave or turn bad 

fear - we all know merlin is powerful, right ? i mean i swear it says somewhere hes like ... the greatest sorcerer to ever live or smth. and yes, arthur doesnt technically fear him, but if we think about what would have happened if merlin revealed his magic earlier, when camelot was still under the rule of uther and arthur was still scared of ppl w magic .... idk abt this one ndjnsjd it works in my head okay

trauma - had to get some help from @a-confused-contradictory-mess​ here and she brought up some good points ! when he was younger, because of his magic, he never really fit in. his mother made him hide, because she feared what would happen if he found out. (i ... think?) imagine what that does to someone, having to hide something about yourself for so long.

immortality - after everyone leaves around him, theres kinda no escape. he has to live with it for all the years that his immortal life goes by. this ties in a lot w how jack and the doctor feel, with everyone around them making them left all alone. 

tldr: losing the one person they always thought would stay, one being scared of the other's power, the trauma affecting one of them, immortality and the price that comes w it are all some really good parallels between these ships/shows and genuinely kill me inside

[wellhalesbells]

as i no longer sleep (apparently), let’s do this awesome thing @yodas-yo-yo tagged me on!!  thank you!!

Rules: Tag 9 people who you want to know better/catch up with and then answer these questions.

3 SHIPS

i’m going with not necessarily my all-time favorite ships but the ones i’ve been reading like crazy lately

stiles and derek, as i’m sure we’re all well aware.  those’re my boys.  the dynamic they have just cannot be beat; it’s all shades of gray and built rather than plopped down without foundation.  derek, who has been betrayed and abandoned and is neglected at every turn by every other character in this universe, and stiles, who - importantly - doesn’t have pity for him but pragmatism: ‘you’re a useful dude, and so i am going to use you regardless of how everyone else would just like to write you off.’  it’s not an immediate, ‘ah, you’re perfect for each other,’ moment, it’s kind of a, ‘shit, dude, that is not a guy you should use because he’s suffered that too many times already and this is bad.’  but only through that does it become less about using derek and more about relying on each other, trusting each other’s judgments, and being the first call rather than the last.  i’m so emotionally tied to it because it’s freaking earned and no one is... pure.  stiles’ motives aren’t pure, derek’s actions aren’t pure, no one is a one-dimensional hero who can abide by a concept as infantile as good vs evil, they’re more real because of it and i’m more attached to them because of it.

okay, weirdly, lately..... clark and lex (and after i was just talking about one-dimensional good vs evil characters, lol), preferably with the smallville backstory of once being besties.  it’s just like the best of the best when it comes to tropes that do it for me.  they’re baked in and, unless it’s an au, unavoidable.  epic pining, best friends turned enemies turned lovers (or some variation thereof), a betrayed character (love when that’s lex and it’s post-belle reve), a morally gray manipulative genius who if they are depicted as not having ulterior motives is considered WILDLY out of character, a fucking canonical son made from both their dna, parallel universes in canon, not to mention there’s sex pollen in canon as well with red kryptonite in the mix.  (there’s nothing better than fics where clark is dosed so he’ll finally kill lex luthor only to fuck him practically down to his soul instead.)  i never even finished smallville and while i was always a fan of the ship, it was sort of more of a ‘ships in the night’ kind of ship, like: oh yeah, i know you *waves as you cross my dash* and nothing more.  then i read (and read and re-read and read some more) reconcilable differences and.... there is not enough fic for them out there, friends.  there just isn’t, and i’m sad.

merlin and arthur from bbc merlin.  again, i really like what’s often baked into this pairing: a scenario that comes up with some regularity is a betrayed or banished!merlin and arthur realizing too late what merlin means to him and having to go after him and prove himself.  i live for that shit, okay?  i live for the character who seemingly has everything realizing they have nothing without this other person (especially if said person is often mistreated or sidelined in canon - thank you, fix-it fanon!!!!).  i never was big into merlin fanfic UNTIL ao3 came up with the ‘exclude’ part of the search function.  i don’t want modern merlin pretty much ever and somehow that fandom is about 50% modern aus????  so i never read fic for it because it was so hard to find what i was looking for.  literally the day i saw the exclude option, i started reading merthur fanfic.  i wish there were more percival/merlin fics (i am SO FUCKING INTO size difference lately and i do noooot have a pair that i LOVE that has that, some that i casually read like jaskier/geralt but none that i can’t live without yet and i NEED IT), especially ones featuring a jealous arthur that endgames into merthur but that’s, er, a bit specific?  haha, and i have less than zero desire to write for either this fandom or the one above it sadly.

LAST SONG I LISTENED TO

clairo - sofia, i love how hard my radio station is fangirling over clairo, she has such a nostalgia-inducing sound for me.

CURRENTLY WATCHING

okay, well, i actually just finished the shows i was watching: prodigal son, which was like a less avant garde, less horny, less gay, less people-eating version of hannibal.  instead of a guy who was too unstable to qualify to be an actual fbi agent and who has a loose relationship with reality and mental health, and maybe also a darker side, and a cannibal who definitely does, both of whom badly want to bang each other, it’s a serial killer father who has a darker side and a guy who was fired from the fbi for being too unstable, who maybe has one of his own, in addition to a loose relationship with reality and mental health.  i mostly enjoyed it.  i really liked the actors, the morbid and understated humor was hilarious (seriously, some of those one liners, both the delivery by the actors and the offhandedness inherent to them were just perfection), but.... they fridged the love interest (very VERY predictably) and they’re clearly shoving together the only unattached (”normal”) vagina and penis on the show because HETERONORMATIVITY!!!!!  (i expect more of you, greg berlanti, tsk.)  i’m hoping for more edrisa in the future because she is a fucking GEM (and it’s just SO NICE to see lane on my screen again!!!!), more jessica who might have the best sense of self and humor in the whole dang show, more michael sheen (because i just love the man in anything and everything), and about that finale (even though i saw it coming WELL in advance) i’ll just say: AINSLEY, MY GIRLLLLLLLL!!!!

the other i finished was the crown, season four.  this show never really wows me tbh.  i watch it mostly for a) the performances and b) my mom and dad, who love it immensely and love to talk about it with me.  if not for them i could easily zone out for an entire episode without even realizing it, with all the quietness and sweeping landscape shots, there’s just nothing grabby in there for me.  it’s very uppercrust british, y’know?  haha.  where a comment about your lilac drapes is really a dig about how you’re bringing down the entire commonwealth, which i love to read but watching?  it doesn’t really pull me in.  the high point of this season for me was gillian anderson’s portrayal of margaret thatcher, just the way she would contort her face was amazing to me, and the episode with fagan because hey, i totally knew about that already (which never happens, lol) and i love that actor from preacher and it was just really well-written and acted.  but, overall, pretty much i spent the whole season wanting a violent and bloody and embarrassing death to befall charles, that entitled and cruel little piss-ant, while knowing it wasn’t going to happen.  it’s one of those shows i watch where i’m glad i watched it, but i won’t remember any details about it in a week’s time.

and as for what i soon will be currently watching: i’m starting the great tomorrow!

okay, tagging: @livthelion, @ohlookagaydraco, @grimmypuff, @clotpolesonly, @midnightisquiet, @urban-barbarian, @callunavulgari, @hrast-ika and @i-sveikata!!

[mojoflower]

Bodyswap in my various fandoms:  fic recs

Trust Fall by Stoney E, 144k.  Sterek.

Stiles is fairly certain that a case could be made for every bad thing in his life coming back to Peter Hale. This time it's pissing off a powerful witch, who retaliated by swapping Stiles and Derek a la Freaky Friday, because sure. That makes sense. Um, there are GPAs on the line, not to mention the whole thing where his dad wants to shoot Derek on sight. Except who he sees as Derek is actually Stiles, and Stiles did not sign up for filicide.  //  Great. Wait...does this mean he's the Alpha until they figure this out? Holy. Shit.  //  ****  //  Derek had stood in front of the bathroom mirror for a few minutes trying to control the panic as he saw himself as Stiles. As the loud mouthed human friend of the pack. He was going to kill Peter. He was going to kill the witch, then he was going to kill Peter. Maybe even resurrect him again just to kill him all over.  //  They were going to have to play this cool. They would have to stay calm and focused. Which is of course why the universe threw him into this situation with someone who physically couldn't be calm and focused.  //  Of course.

Note to self: I'm pretty sure this is the one I've been trying to remember where Stiles is always asking why no one wants him as a boyfriend, that he'd be such a good boyfriend:

“If people would just look, they'd see that how I am, who I am is pretty great, actually.” Stiles quietly cleared his throat past the lump that was forming and blinked rapidly. “I could be pretty great if someone would just let me be great for them.”

Fuzzy Logic by Sparseparsley E, 7k.  Sterek.

Derek and Stiles switch bodies because of wizard reasons and Stiles just wants to know what that awesome scent is.Derek and Stiles switch bodies because of wizard reasons and Stiles just wants to know what that awesome scent is.

Perfect.

Bonds of Power by Miya_Morana T, 18k.  Sterek.

When Stiles suddenly wakes up as an Alpha werewolf and finds out that Derek has become human, he reluctantly accepts Derek’s pack as his while they attempt to find out what exactly happened and how to reverse it. But as they all try to adjust to the situation, the Alpha Pack is breathing down their neck, and they’re going to need all the help they can get to face that threat.

Such a delicious premise! Felt like a kind of abrupt ending, I'd love to see this expanded, but definitely worth the read as is.

Might Not Make It Back by GotTheSilver E, 23k.   Sterek.

Bodyswap. Because of the fun.

Sweet.

copywritten (so don't copy me) by etben E, 13k.   Sterek.

"Oh, shit," Stiles says, and flops as far backward as their mysterious body-swap connection will let him.

hot and funny (omg, ALL THE BONERS)

I'll Walk with Your Wolf by iCheat no rating, 38k.   Sterek.

When Stiles wakes up in Peter's body, he's understandably freaked out. As Stiles starts connecting with the man's wolf, he can't help but reconsider his opinions of Peter. Needless to say, it's a rather confusing time for all involved.  //  For Day 5 of Steter Week, Body Swap.

Good story. I was most interested in Stiles' intrigtuiging ability to resist, and even direct both other Alphas (and so was Peter, lol) even when he was in werewolf Peter's body. I'd love to pursue that and see where Steter shake out in the Beacon Hills Pack, because they're kind of sneak Alphas, both of them. Stiles learned a lot about Peter by being in his body, because Peter's wolf stayed there (there's a funny scene, on the first full moon, where the Wolf tries to get his Mate and his Man together in one place and hunker down.)

Synchronicity by LadySlytherin E, 36k.  Drarry.

When Harry returns to Hogwarts to complete his final year of schooling, he does so with an unexpected new friend at his side - Draco Malfoy. An accident in potions leaves both boys in an unusual position, which leads to a friendly wager. The wager leads to revelations, realizations, and - in time - a happy resolution that no one was expecting. Well, almost no one...

Draco snorted. “As if that’s all of my personality.” He rolled his eyes. “Let me put it this way, Harry. You are, quite simply, not gay. And I am. Rather openly, since coming out to you and then everyone else. So unless you have some secret fashion sense and flamboyant urges you’ve been subduing, you won’t be able to manage this.” ... Harry huffed in annoyance. “You’re being ridiculous. Besides, I’m in your body, right? So the whole gay thing should come naturally. ... I think I’m feeling gayer already.”

Draco blinked several times, then said. “You’re a complete and utter twit. You cannot feel gayer simply because you’re in my body. My body isn’t gay, I am. ... If you’re feeling gayer, it’s got nothing to do with my body!” Draco snapped, moving closer to Harry in his fury. He itched to hex the other teen, but reminded himself sternly that doing so would only damage himself. “Especially as I don’t feel any less gay.”

“Are you saying my body is equally as gay as yours?” Harry frowned at that implication, not sure how he felt about it. “Because that’s ridiculous. I like girls.”

“I’m not saying anyone’s body is gay.” Draco pressed his fingers into his temples, trying to stave off the headache that was forming. “I’m saying I am gay, regardless of the switch. Therefore, you cannot possibly be gayer simply because you’re in my body right now. That’s patently ridiculous and more than your usual level of stupid.”

“Maybe you’re just so gay that it soaked into your cells.” Harry suggested, mostly because it was funny to watch Draco’s irritation twist his face into new expressions. “So now I’m stuck feeling all of the gay that’s surrounding me. Did you ever consider that? Because I think it’s a valid hypothesis.” Ignoring the way Draco had curled his hands into fists, he added. “In fact, I’m positive that’s what’s happening. I’ve woken up newly gay because of this whole switch and now I’ll have to explore just how gay I - which is to say, you - are.”

Draco snarled - literally snarled - before saying in a low, dangerous voice. “If you dare to pretend to be me, I swear I will convince everyone you are the biggest ponce to ever live simply by acting just as gay as I always do, while still pretending to be you. Don’t push me, Potter.”

My Only Hate by VivacissimoVoce M, 35k.   Drarry.

Harry has been cursed and now inhabits the wrong body. Draco Malfoy may be the only one who can help.

Hee, hee.

We're More Than Ordinary by digthewriter M, 13k.  Drarry.

After a freak accident, which was totally Potter's fault, Draco has to live as Potter for three days. It isn't a party for Harry, either.

Yellow Heart Emoji by HelloAfternoon E, 2.8k.  WIP.  Spideypool.

This had begun by accident at the zoo. Things exploded. People evacuated. Animals trumpeted and roared and bleated. Somewhere, Loki had giggled spectacularly.  //  Deadpool had thrown someone into the ape enclosure.  //  Peter had been thrown into the ape enclosure.

Ha! I love bodyswap, and this was delightful enough to make up for the fact that there is only one chapter. Go on, dive in, an unfinished fic won't kill ya: it's fun.

Displace by dontcareajot T, 10k, WIP.   Spideypool.

Peter thought he’d mentally prepared himself for… this. For seeing himself outside of himself. But it turns out he wasn’t prepared at all.  //  Wade evidently wasn’t prepared either. He looks Peter up and down, expression growing more and more incredulous. “What,” he says finally. “The fuck.”  //  (or, one of those body swap fics)

Aaaarrrgh, I love this. It's Peter's POV, and he's sweet, and reserving judgement, and kind of shocked at how much being Wade is actually physically painful, like, ALL THE TIME. And Wade is DELIGHTED to be Peter: to be young and pretty, but also, he's such a huge Spider-Man fanboy. And, just as they start sharing their lives and their thoughts and all that, ack, the story ends. Still worth reading, though. 4/?

Woke Up New by Zee (orphan_account) E, 22k.  Merthur.

Merlin and Arthur switch bodies; complications ensue.

Nice. The one where they switch, and Arthur figures out Merlin's magic because, oops, the magic stays in his body, and an angry Arthur accidentally levitates a chair. Also the one where Arthur starts to get off a little on being the servant and taking orders, and Merlin slowly wakes up to that.  [Dom/sub undertones.]

Buggre Alle This by Signe (oxoniensis) T, 12k.   Merthur.

Bodyswap.

"What now, then?" Merlin asks.  //  "Now, we sleep."  //  "Maybe we'll wake back up in our own bodies?" Merlin says hopefully.  //  "Yes, Merlin, that's what's going to happen. A powerful sorcerer has cast a spell over us, but it's just a harmless prank and it'll fizzle out in the night, and we'll wake up back to normal."

********

I love this author. You should also read "a tree and a bee and a flea, fiddle-dee-dee" (genderswap) here on AO3, and the fairy tale one where Merlin is the moon (which is only on LJ: The Prince and the Captured Moon).

And If You'll Come I’ll Take You Somewhere To Go by luninosity  T, 11k.  Cherik.

April Fools' Day mansion-fic. Which has to mean body-and-power-swap fic, right...?  //  “Yes,” Charles says, rather apologetically even though this can’t possibly be his fault, “you seem to be me. And I…well, I’m you. At the moment.”  //  “Charles,” Erik says, with what he considers quite remarkable patience under the circumstances, “how long is this going to last?”

Well, this was marvelous. Erik's POV, and he's a little ooc he's so utterly smitten, and his thoughts are something like Charles Charles so pretty Charles I'll protect him Charles Charles. It's kind of amazing he gets anything done, heh. And then they're switched, which turns out being rather more serious and unpleasant that you might guess, and there's some h/c, and some admissions, and some cuddling, and everything is lovely.

Amateur Theatrics by galaxysoup T, 27k.  Avengers.

In which Thor’s primary problem-solving method (a mighty blow from Mjolnir) fails to have the desired effect on a magical artifact, and his secondary method (a mightier blow from Mjolnir) proves to be actively disastrous.

Clint makes the absolute best Loki Daddy-uncle-brother-guardian-whatever. And kid!Loki is sweet as a pie. More or less.  [The bodyswap here, Bruce - Natasha, is pretty incidental.]

Being Dean Winchester by Anonymous E, 21k.  Destiel.

"You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in."  //  Who the fuck was this bitchy "warrior of God" doing talking to him like that? Fuck Cas-tee-el and his dumbass trench coat and abrasive motherfucking attitude.  //  Dean was done with this shit.  //  ***  //  Wherein a monster of the week steals the essence of Castiel's vessel, so he must use Dean, recently raised from hell, as a vessel instead.

Not technically a bodyswap so much as it is a bodyshare.  This is the one where Cas "assists" from inside Dean's head while he's with some girl, and then he lets Dean experience her viewpoint as well, and Dean notes that it's like Cas is fucking both of them... expertly, of course. It's pretty hot. Then they get to do it solo, later on. Nice.

Through Blind Men's Eyes by ladyblahblah E, 46k.  Spirk.

The obligatory Pon Farr story . . . with a bit of a twist.

absolutely gorgeous: sacrifice, angst, bodyswap (totally realistic, not at all intrusive), pon farr.... what more could a reader want?

[r-we-taire-yet]

Folding Laundry

This is a little BBC Merlin thing I wrote for @disconnected-penguin because I got her into the show and then promised some fanfiction.

Basically takes place about first season or so? The events that led up to this are kind of left vague on purpose? It’s very Merthur, like there’s kisses and snuggles and stuff idk. It’s pretty late and I didn’t really edit it but I wanted to post it so ta-da. If people want like, the events that brought this up I can probably write that too. Not tonight though obviously. No trigger warnings, just fluff and a shirtless Arthur and a Merlin who almost died earlier.

Merlin focused on putting Arthur’s clothes away, and not the man who wore them, the shirtless man currently standing behind him flipping through his papers in the candle light. It was better to focus on the methodological movement of putting the clothes away than his thoughts, which often got away from him and caused him to get sidetracked. His body ached from everything that had happened but he had insisted on trying to finish his duties for the night. It seemed like a better plan, to keep himself busy so he wouldn’t think. Focusing on the clothes meant he wasn’t thinking about the things that had been said today, or the things he wished to say. It meant he was less likely to let the words tumble out of his mouth without realizing it and finding himself in a terrible position. It meant-

“Are you going to glare at those shirts all day or are you going to help me put my nightshirt on?” Arthur tutted from the side, startling him out of his thoughts.

“Last time I checked, you could put that one on all by yourself because you were a big boy,” Merlin teased, still not looking away from the clothes.

“Well yes, but what’s the point of having a servant around if he isn’t of use?” Arthur teased back.

“I am currently being useful as I am putting away your clothes, sire,” he retorted.

“But that’s not what I want you to be doing,” Arthur said, quieter this time. “I want you to help me put my shirt on.”

Merlin slowed his movements, thinking. Arthur was clearly letting him do so, not pushing any further. Merlin had almost died today, a curse had attached itself to his magic and had been slowly draining his life away, but they’d managed to save him and his magic brought him back to health. As useful as it was, it meant all of the knights had an idea that he probably had magic, though they couldn’t be sure because Merlin had explained it in a way that could protect himself from danger. He and Arthur had also said some… strong… things while he was weak and dying, things Merlin had assumed the prince would not want to discuss again.

Because, why would he suppose Arthur would want to talk about how he’d confessed his love for a man who appeared to have magic? His own servant? Merlin wasn’t even a royal, he was a commoner bastard from a town nobody’s ever heard of in a totally different country who, in addition, appeared to have magic. He assumed the confession had been made under the assumption that Merlin would die and that the whole thing would never be anything else, a pitying statement after Merlin had confessed his own undying devotion to him when he’d pushed Arthur away from the curse that nearly killed him.

“Merlin… are you still there or did my statement fry your brain?” Arthur teased, though it was laced with concern that he’d said the wrong thing.

“Um, no, yeah, I’m okay, I just-”

“I can put it on by myself, it’s fine,”

“No no it’s not that it’s just…”

“What?” Arthur asked, wondering what could possibly be wrong.

Merlin sighed and finally turned to face him, not quite meeting his eyes. “I just want to know why. I know you’re a man with a good heart but I don’t want you to do something like this out of pity.”

“Pity?!” Arthur scoffed, “Good god, what do you take me for? Why would I pity you?” He walked closer and put a hand on his shoulder. “Merlin, I like you. I don’t pity you. I would like you to share some of your secrets with me some time, but I don’t pity you for having them. We all agreed we wouldn’t say anything about your magic, and what was said between you and me will stay just here, between you and me. I like you Merlin. I don’t want to lose you because you’re self conscious, or a fool.”

Merlin laughed and looking up to Arthur’s face. “Thank you. I think we should talk about it in the morning, I have a lot to tell you, and it’s already late, and I’m still quite tired after everything today.”

“Of course, that’s reasonable. We can talk about it in the morning,” Arthur agreed, nodding.

“You… You really like me?” Merlin asked quietly, his eyes lighting up some.

Arthur rolled his eyes and kissed him to prove his point. The shock of it caused his already weak limbs to give out and he found himself slipping out of the kiss and going limp in Arthur’s arms, who was not expecting this reaction. “Yes, you’re sleeping here tonight, I’m not carrying you all the way back to your room, you’ll sleep beside me,” Arthur said as though there were no real other options, though Merlin knew if he objected that Arthur would make sure he got back to his own bed.

“That sounds nice,” Merlin said in a sleepy tone as Arthur assisted him in taking off his shoes and getting himself into the bed.

Arthur laid down beside him and pulled up the covers, somewhat still acting like this was a normal occasion and not the start of a different form of relationship.

Merlin looked over at Arthur and giggled, unable to really believe what was happening. Arthur rolled his eyes again, not wanting to say anything rude right now considered the other had almost died earlier, and this was all a bit strange. He was not expecting Merlin to lean over and kiss him quickly before rolling over to try to sleep. In response, he rolled over and wrapped his arm around Merlin protectively, and soon they were both asleep.

[majiksart]

The ultimate OTP Advent Calendar

This is an advent calendar for the OTP’s of me and my friends. Odd numbers are Marvel OTP’s and even numbers are for other OTP’s. So everyday you’ll get a drawing and a story, that you can find below :) x

Day 01 - Stony Day 02 - Drarry Day 03 - Winterwidow Day 04 - Superbat Day 05 - Les Hawkeyes Day 06 - Destiel Day 07 - Clintasha Day 08 - Johnlock Day 09 - Frostiron Day 10 - The Impossibles Day 11 - Science Bro’s Day 12 - Merthur

Day 12 - Merthur

Arthur takes a deep breath. He could totally do this. One day he is going to be a king! This shouldn’t be more difficult than the responsibility he has then. But still Arthur is incredible nervous and his stomach is upset, too at this point.

„Arthur? You wanted to see me?“

Merlin comes in and his blue eyes seems a bit worried. Arthur just stares at him and can’t help but smile, when Merlin nearly falls on his ass, because he trips on the last step.

„Yeah actually. Thank you for coming.“ Arthur says then and he shakes his head at himself. Normally he doesn’t really have problem with asking for the things he wants.

Now he wants Merlin and he can’t even get a straight word out. Arthur looks away, because he knows he will do something stupid if he looks even longer at Merlin, like blushing or something like that.

„So what’s going on? Do you …I don’t know why you called for me. I would’ve been here in an hour anyway.“ Merlin says and he shrugs as if it were nothing. But Arthur knows him too long for that. He knows that Merlin actually very worried about his friend.

Arthur smiles. Friends. In the beginning he would’ve never guessed that. And now…

Now he wants even more than that.

„It is… something important. Do you mind if we take a walk?“ Arthur asks and he closes his eyes for a moment. Did he really suggest they go for a walk? Arthur seems to find, that he doesn’t mind, when he sees Merlin’s smile.

„Yeah we can do that. Let me just grab my coat.“ With that words Merlin leaves him alone for a few minutes and Arthur tries to get his coolness back. It doesn’t work. He is just too nervous.

He only realizes he is still wearing part of his chain armor, because he exercised earlier. Normally Arthur feels a bit tired, after such a morning, but today he is fully awake. And a bit crazy apparently.

„Ready?“ Arthur asks, once Merlin is back and after a nod from the wizard they leave Arthur’s rooms. Arthur goes in front of Merlin and takes them to a small path, that he always follows, when he needs to think.

„So I just have to ask… are you okay?“ Merlin asks, once they walked for over ten minutes in silence. Arthur glances back for a second and sees the light blush on Merlin’s cheeks. It’s actually pretty cold and Arthur looks quickly forwards again.

„Yeah of course.“ Arthur answers and he hopes, Merlin doesn’t hear his voice cracking. Oh god. What is he 14 again?

„Well you just seem a bit weird. And I should know that, because normally I’m the weirdo.“ Merlin says and Arthur stopes so hard at that, that Merlin runs directly into his back. Arthur turns around and this close he can see how blue Merlin’s eyes really are.

„You aren’t a weirdo.“ Arthur says then and he frowns. Merlin just laughs at that and he puts both of his hands on Arthur arms. For a moment Arthur wants to lean even closer and finally kiss Merlin, but at the end, he doesn’t. Merlin closes his eyes and a moment later Arthur feels incredible warm again, even though he knows how cold the wind is.

„Oh pretty sure I am.“ Merlin whispers, but he doesn’t sound sad or unhappy, so Arthur let’s it go for now. He doesn’t want to fight with Merlin, but one day he would make sure that…

„Stop talking about yourself like that. You aren’t weird, you are… you are the king this country deserves.“ Arthur can’t help himself, he has to say it. Since he is a little kid he waited for his turn to be king. He loves the idea of being a king. But he also knows Merlin would be a better one, than he can ever be.

„What - Arthur now you are really scaring me!“ Merlin says and Arthur takes a step back. Merlin’s hands not longer on his arms. He can’t think this close to Merlin.

„I mean it Merlin. I just… wish you could be the King one day.“ Arthur says finally and he looks down. He knows his father would kill him, if he suggested that. But he just wishes he could marry Merlin. Merlin Pendragon. Arthur chuckles.

„Maybe you should sit down.“ Merlin suggests and Arthur shakes his head. He isn’t ill or crazy. But that is just another thing… what if not only his father hates the idea of two man? What if Merlin hates that too? What if he never speaks to Arthur again, to disgusted to even look at him.

„Hey.“ Merlin says softly, when he sees how nervous Arthur is. This time he puts his hand on Arthur shoulder and Arthur can’t help it, even if he doesn’t feel it through his chain armor, he shudders.

„Are you still cold?“ Merlin says, when he notices that and he frowns so adorable again. Arthur will never understand why a man like Merlin could be ever worried about him. Arthur doesn’t even deserve his kindness.

„No I’m just…“ Arthur takes Merlin’s hand in his and then puts his over his heart. Merlin can’t feel his heartbeat, but maybe he understands Arthur anyway. If there is one person out there, who understands Arthur, even when he doesn’t understand himself, then it’s Merlin.

„…nervous.“ Arthur finishes and Merlin looks surprised. His eyes are focused on their hands, but he smiles a bit.

„Nervous? Why?“ Merlin whispers then and it takes Arthur’s whole courage, but he pulls at Merlin’ hand again and leads it to his mouth. He kisses Merlin knuckles carefully and he hears when Merlin gasps quietly.

„Because of you.“ Arthur whispers just as quietly and Merlin’s eyes widen once again. He looks really shocked this time and Arthur just kisses his knuckles again.

„I’m… uhm I’m nervous too… about you.“ Merlin stutters then and this time the blush on his cheeks isn’t because of the cold weather. No. Arthur put it there.

He knows what Merlin wants to say with that and he nods. Merlin smiles back at him and they just stare into each others eyes for a few minutes. Arthur laughs and breaks the eye contact. God he feels so happy now. He can hear Merlin’s laugh and even though he starts walking again, he doesn’t let go of Merlin’s hand.

He would never let go of Merlin.