#i am tired of being mature and happy being single i want to get r**led. sorry.

[1tbls]

God Please I Want A Girlfriend

[thewiscryptid]

SHE’S SO BROKEN INSIDE -- C - R - A - Z - Y !!

a reboot of my sentence starters for crazy ex girlfriend season 1 please change any pronouns/words to make it more applicable for your usage! some mature themes apply!

“This is what Happy feels like. This is what I’m supposed to feel like.”

“Why aren’t you happy?!”

“You didn’t even break skin and you inconvenienced a lot of people.”

“Remember you said that if I was in the neighborhood I should give you a buzz? Well… BUZZ!”

“I’m taking a few of these until my business cards come in, just so if anyone asks why I’m here, I can say ‘It’s for work! It’s legitimate!.”

“Because you’re pretty and you’re smart and you’re ignoring me so you’re obviously my type.”

“I’m not good for much but I do know it’s not right to hook up with a crying girl.”

“You half Italian? I can always tell.”

“He should be a search term on porn sites.”

“He made me feel warm inside— like glitter was exploding inside me.”

“I’m not in love. That would be stupid.”

“I’m crazy and I’m irrational and I’m everything my mother ever said I was.”

“If we play this right, it’s gonna hit him like a bag of nails to the balls.”

“Could we have a postmortem on the whole make out-crying situation?”

“Bras are in aisle one.”

“I’m going to gracefully exeunt and be chased….by a bear.”

“Maybe I will throw my saddle on that filly and take her for a ride around the paddock. ...Wow. Men are disgusting.”

“They spread a rumor that I slept with the English teacher! Which was totally a lie because we only did hand stuff!”

“Of course we’re friends because what other agenda could I possibly have?”

“I want to cut the silky hair right off your head and slurp it up like spaghetti.”

“We were just being cute! Cute kissing! For attention!”

“I can’t be friends with women. Everyone wants to have sex with me!”

“I’m going to go out on a limb and say that telling the truth from the beginning was probably the right option.”

“Luna bars are for women. I think they have menstrual blood in them or something.”

“A true friend loves you no matter what, even if your downward dog is horrible.”

“Now, if someone pulls a gun on me, I pull out my knife!”

“Come sit on my lap like I’m Santa and listen to me—”

“Put those things away, you’re going to poke a kid’s eye out.”

“I don’t leave when there’s whiskey left.”

“It was weird and sad and kinda beautiful in a pure and unironic way.”

“You’re really starting to fit in here. That’s not a compliment.”

“She’s seriously ‘bonker balls’.”

“The last thing you need right now is a conversation with a pathological narcissist!”

“How are you? UTIs under control?”

“Hey, don’t skate sad!”

“Let’s leave the children outta here for a sec.”

“Shut up, I love that fire! It’s my favorite fire!”

“How could a guy with a man bun know what’s authentic?!”

“You took some guy home from our date and SLEPT with him? What’s WRONG with you?!”

“I make no sense and you shouldn’t waste your time on me, can’t you see that?”

“I have an IQ of 164. On the entire SAT, I only got two questions wrong and in subsequent years, those questions were removed for being misleading.”

“You are a good person. He is a good person. …. We are good person.”

“What do you want me to say, people? That she doesn’t have the softest hair? And that I don’t watch her while she sleeps? Because I do! She’s an Angel.”

“She had flyaways! I can’t have her walking around like that.”

“You know I want to turn you in so much, because you’re an actual piece of human garbage.”

“Can I get a free beer? I’m down like $10,000.”

“My parents are alive. They’re just frigid and unloving.”

“Parents love brown nosers but men? Men love a woman who looks like me.”

“Chicken soup is just gross, hot, fat water.”

“I got a tongue scraper! Things are looking hhhhhhhexcellent.”

“Look at you, old man. You loooose! You have tubes in your face!”

“You promised me a drink and I got tired of waiting.”

“It was like Pearl Harbor meets the movie Pearl Harbor.”

“Why does Netflix always want me to watch Leaving Las Vegas? Is it trying to tell me something?”

“That basset hound could benefit from a juice cleanse.”

“Twilight is only the greatest love story since Shakespeare… in Love!”

“I needed that sage to cleanse the house of evil spirits. Ghosts are obsessed with me.”

“Do I really need to tell you to not take a pill from off the bathroom floor?!”

“I’m not going to listen to you. You talk silly.”

“I’m half of him so I am half of what you hate!”

“I’m glad you stood up to me because when the Cossack’s come, I know you’ll survive!”

“I want to melt into the chair like a butter lady.”

“Get realsies with me or I’m outskies.”

“Thanks for showing my boyfriend your cervix.”

“Charm and wit is a weird name for your boobs.”

“Where am I? Who am I? Am I in the Matrix? Am I Neo?”

“If you can’t even send me a whole word, then I’m not taking my clothes off for you. At least send an emoji. A chipmunk eating a block of cheese. I get that. I’m coming over.”

“Be the boat. Don’t be the hole. Nobody likes the hole.”

“Oh, you know what people say. One person’s blackmail is another person’s love story.”

“Okay, you can sleep at the foot of my bed tonight. Like a dog. …. Please don’t look so excited.”

“Oh, I don’t like her. She looks like she orders everything on the side.”

“He looks like a Kennedy. But a sober one.”

“What’s a pretty, showered girl like you doing here?”

“I think my life is a giant turd.”

“Why doesn’t he love me? Why doesn’t anyone love me? Why am I so alone?”

“I don’t want to say I don’t like anyone as much as you … but I just said it.”

“Love does not last in my life. I’m loveless.”

“I want to haunt Hitler and make him rethink a few things.”

“She’s not just a kid! She’s your daughter, you ass!”

“Oh, come on! Let’s make bad decisions together! We could run into traffic!”

“I’m not a sourpuss. I’m pensive and deep.”

“Are we being pleasant now? Sorry. I don’t know your rules.”

“He has the flat top of a Greek God.”

“If it were any other situation, I would take off my heels, my earrings and my extensions and curb stomp you.”

“Chasing someone who isn’t into you is a terrible move.”

“You have been Single White Female-ing me since you got here.”

“I have, like, the smartest face here.”

“Boo work and life and clothing.”

“You need to realize that ‘U up?’ is text speak for ‘are you horny?’.”

“You gotta force love, everyone knows that.”

“You weirdo face, put me down!”

“You just scooped me up like a basket of muffins…— PUT ME DOWN!”

“Why is he always talking about his theater major?! I know a lot of theater majors! They don’t talk about it! They just are!”

“I appreciate you Schwarzenegger-ing out back there.”

[bts-trans]

210209 Weverse Translations

Jimin's Moment ⭐️ [photo in link]

보고싶아유 https://www.weverse.io/bts/moments/10/posts/1651505843149215

I mish yoo

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Jimin's Post ❇️

위버스는 제가 많이 안들어왔었죠 어색하니까 그랬던 것 같아요 이제 여기서 우리 자주 만나요 https://www.weverse.io/bts/artist/1651505921566165

I haven't been on Weverse too much, have I? I think it's because it's a little awkward Let's meet here often now

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Jimin's Comment 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️ [photo in link]

💜: 안 본 사람은 있어도 한 번만 본 사람은 없다는 전설의 그 방송 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 지민 오빠 많이 급했나 보다ᄏᄏᄏᄏ 머리까지 쥐어뜯고ᄏᄏᄏᄏᄏ이 방송을 멤버들도 봤을까? 봤다면 멤버들 반응이 어땠을지 궁금하다ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

화장실이 가고 싶은 지민 오빠의 행동(?)변화 1. 갑자기 동공지진이 일어남 2.말은 해야 겠고 근데 또 민망하고.... 고민함. 3. 결국 머리를 쥐어뜯으며 미안하다고, 화장실 한 번만 갔다 오겠다고 말함. 4. 자리에서 일어나 화장실로 감

""징쨔 미아내요ㅠㅠ! 화장실 한 번만 갔다 올께요!!"" 말투 넘 귀엽잖아ㅠㅠ💜💜💜💜💜💜 #박지민

JM: 앗 https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651410020186184

💜: That legendary live broadcast where even if there are people who haven't seen it, there isn't anyone who's only seen it once hahahahaha Jimin oppa, you must have really needed to go hahahaha you were even grabbing at your hair hahahaha Did the members see this video too? I'm curious how they responded if they did hahahahahahaha

The stages of Jimin Oppa needing to go to the toilet 1. The eyes suddenly start darting back annd forrth 2. Feeling like you need to say something but then also feeling embarrassed.... Fretting over it. 3. Eventually grabbing your hair and saying sorry, you'll just pop to the bathroom and be back 4. Rising from your seat and heading to the bathroom

"I'm sooo sowwieㅠㅠ! I'll just pop to the bathroom!!" Isn't the way he said it so cuteㅠㅠ💜💜💜💜💜💜 #ParkJimin

JM: Ahh

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Jimin's Comment 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️ [photo in link]

💜: 시간이 얼마나 빨리 지나가는지요. 그의 어린시절 이야기에는 팬걸이나 군대가 없었습니다.

하지만 그의 10대부터 어른이 된다는 이야기에는 아미 노쓰라는 존재가 있습니다. 육군의 소중한 별은 이제 어른입니다. 시간은 이상한 것입니다. 안 그래요? 우리가 현재 시간에 있을 때, 그것은 지나가는 것처럼 보이지 않지만 정말로 시간이 매우 빠르게 지나간 것처럼 느껴질 때... ''언젠가 답장을 받길 바래'' How quickly time passes. There was no fan girl or army in his childhood story

But in the story of becoming a Grown Up from His Teen Age, there is an existence called Army Not so??? Army's Precious Star is now a Grown Up Men.. TIME is A Strange Thing. isn't it?? When we are on Present time it seems like it's not passing but when its really Passed Its Feel like Time passes Very Quickly... #BTSxWeverseGC #BangladeshiArmy #Sumi_07 Stay Safe and Stay Healthy..😊💜I hope one day I will get a reply..

JM: 정국이 아가때 사진들이네 지금은 나보다 키가 많이 커요 ㅜㅜ https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651494507975023

💜: (OP has written about baby Jungkook and how he's all grown up.)

JM: Looks like these are pictures of when Jungkook was a baby Now he's way taller than me ㅜㅜ

(T/N: The Korean in the original post was likely translated using an online translator.)

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Jimin's Comment 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️ [photo in link]

💜: 오빠ㅠㅠㅠ요즘 잘 지내고 계세요?항상 보고싶어요ㅠㅠ

JM: 잘 지내여 저도 항상 보고싶어요 매일 기다려요 https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651506215991201

💜: OppaㅠㅠㅠHave you been well? I miss you alwaysㅠㅠ

JM: I'm doing well, I miss you always too I'm waiting every day

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Jimin's Comment 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️

💜: 지민 오빠는 잠이 안 올때 어떻게 하시나요?

JM: 잠 안 올 때 미 치 겠 �� 요 나 도 눈감고 아무리 기다려도 잠이 안올 땐 못자겠더라구요 https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651506216048832

💜: Jimin oppa, what do you do when you can't sleep?

JM: When I can't sleep I g o c r a z y t o o No matter how long I close my eyes and wait, if sleep decides not to come I can't fall asleep

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Jimin's Comment 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️ [photo in link]

💜: 나 울고 싶어...ㅠㅠ 지민이가 너무 완벽해서 잘 그리기 엔...

JM: 감사합니다 ㅎㅎ https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651410860453774

💜: I want to cry...ㅠㅠ Jiminie is so perfect that drawing him well is...

JM: Thank you hehe

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Jimin's Comment 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️ [photo in link]

💜: 🐥 형아 여기 쫌 보라고오 🐱 외면 🐹🐻 서로 좋아죽음

JM: 왜 내 눈을 못봐 슈가야 https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651491791666538

💜: 🐥 Hyung-ah I said look here 🐱 Ignore 🐹🐻 Both super happy with each other

JM: Why can't you look me in the eyes Suga-ya

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Jimin's Comment 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️

💜: 내 최애 지민이한테 댓글 받아보는게 나의 평생 소원이다..

JM: 소원 성취 ! https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651506475135294

💜: My life-long wish is to receive a comment from my bias Jiminie

JM: Wish fulfilled !

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Jimin's Comment 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️ [photo in link]

💜: من الأرمي المغربي 🇲🇦🤍 from moroccan army 🤍🇲🇦🇲🇦 편지를 시작하는 방법을 모르겠습니다. 어쨌든 저를 행복하게 한 이유, 저를 구 해주신 분들, 울 때마다 기분 좋게 해주신 분들에 대해 쓰고 싶습니다. 남준, 석진, 후속, 윤기, 지민 아, 태형, 정국 감사합니다. 당신은 내 생명을 구하고 더 나은 사람으로 만들었습니다. 나는 지금 내 인생에서 가장 좋은 결정이 당신의 일부가되는 것임을 알고 울고 있습니다. 나는이 결정을 결코 후회하지 않을 것입니다. 영원히 사랑해 방탄 소년단 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💜 *****

I don't know how to start myletter. Anyway, I just want to write about the reason of my happiness, the people who saved me and make me happy and feeling good every time I cry. Namjoon, Seokjin, Hoesok, Yoongi, Jimin Ah, Taehyung, and Jungkook Thank you so much for being in my life. You saved my life and made me a better person. I am crying now. I find that the best decision I took is being a part of you and being an army I will never regret this decision. I love you forever BTS

JM: 저 또한 이렇게 예쁜글에 어떻게 답변을 해야할지 잘 모르겠습니다. 반대로 여러분들은 저희에게 행복을 주셨고 기쁘고 즐겁게도 해주신거 뿐 아니라 살아가는 이유도 알려 주셨네요.

언제나 옆에 있어 주셔서 감사드리고 지금 만나지 못하는 상황이라 여러분의 마음이 더 절실히 느껴지는 하루하루 입니다.

정말 정말 감사드리고 하루 빨리 만나 뵙고 싶습니다 .

감사하고 사랑합니다 💜  https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651414625985536

💜: (OP has written a letter to BTS thanking them for being in her life. The letter begins with OP saying she doesn't know how to start her letter.)

JM: I not too sure how to reply to such a beautiful letter either. On the contrary, what you all give to us isn't just happiness, joy, and fun, but you've helped us realise our reason for living on.  

Thank you for always being by our side. Since we can't meet each other right now, I feel what's on your heart more keenly with every single day.

Thank you so, so much and I hope to see you a little sooner. Thank you and I love you 💜  

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans  © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Jimin's Comment 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️

💜: 지민이 오빠 갔나보다 지민이 오빠는 존댓말 써서 뭔가 의젓하고 어른스러워 보인덩 >< 암튼 잘자요💤😴

JM: 😝 https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651506897460134

💜: Jiminie oppa must have left Since Jiminie oppa uses formal speech it somehow feels more mature and adult-like >< Anyway, sleep well💤😴

JM: 😝

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Jimin's Comment 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️

💜: 지민이가 왜 댓글을 달았는데 대답이 안 되나요? 난 항상 기다리고있어 :( 나도 인사 해줬으면 해

JM: 반가워요 🙌 https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651507051015219

💜: Jiminie I left a comment, why won't you reply? I'm always waiting :( Please say hello to me too  

JM: Nice to meet you 🙌

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Jimin's Comment 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️ [photo in link]

💜: From the moment I met you ... My life was about you😮 You are the star that Turns the ordinary 😪 To exceptional and distinct one after one.... Everything is unique The things that you care about .. How you walk and talk 🚶🏻🏃🏻 And all your simple habits 😭

JM: 크으 👍👍 https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651472901782677

💜: (OP wrote a message in English of the things they love about V.)

JM: Wow 👍👍

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Jimin's Comment 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️ [photo in link]

💜: 그냥 이유없이 놀리고 싶다.

JM: 저도 찾아가서 벨 누르고 도망갈겁니다. https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651507221893551

💜: I just want to tease you for no reason at all.

JM: I'll head over, press your doorbell, and run away.

(Picture T/N: A reference to Jimin's tweet on 18 June 2013, where he tweeted 'Do I look...cool?' with a selfie of himself. The members and Jimin often mention it as a joke.)

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Jimin's Comment 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️ [photo in link]

💜: ��� 여기 오는 게 어색해요?

JM: 자주 못 오다 보니 그랬던 것 같아요 이제 자주 올게요 !😄 https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651507299283064

💜: Why is it awkward to come here?

JM: I think it's because I couldn't come often. I'll come often from now on !😄

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Jimin's Comment 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️

💜: 오빠 흐끕....ㅠㅠㅠ 서버가 터져서 오빠를 보고 싶은데 못 봐서 속상해요😭 이 만큼 오빠를 보고 싶고 사랑한다는 사람이 많은 뜻이니 항상 행복하고 콘서트 하는 날만 기다려요🥰

JM: 🤭🤗 https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651507299192770

💜: Oppa sob.... ㅠㅠㅠ I'm so sad because I wanted to see you but the server overloaded😭 I guess that means there are that many people who miss you and love you, so I'm always happy and just waiting for the day we'll have concerts again🥰

JM: 🤭🤗

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Jimin's Comments 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️

💜: 그냥 모든게 다 너무 지칠 때는 어떻게 하나요 오빠는??

JM: 음.. 저는 지금 힘든거 다 보상 받아야지 하고 자주 생각하면서 지냈던 것 같아요.

근데 스스로를 위로해도 도움이 안될 때는 '잘 모르겠지만 괜찮아'하고 해줄 사람들이랑 같이 있었던 것 같아요. 멤버라던지 친구라던지

그니까 제 말이 위로가 될 수 있을 지 모르겠지만

괜찮아요 . 고생하셨고 다 지나갈거고 행복해질 거라고 믿을어요 ! JM: 아유 오타... 어유어유어유 믿을어요 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 미안해요 웃으면서 넘아가 주세요 ! JM: 넘아가.... JM: 아휴 JM: 잘자유.. https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651507298780246

💜: Oppa, what do you do when you're just so tired of everything??

JM: Um... I think I hold on to the thought that my current struggles would eventually reap their rewards.

But when even comforting yourself doesn't help, I think I was with people who would tell me "I don't know, but it's okay". Whether those were the members or friends

So I don't know if my words will be of any comfort, but it's okay. You've worked so hard and it will all come to pass, and I believe you weel be happy!   JM: Ah typo... will will will weel hahahahahahahaha I'm sorry, please just laugh at it and moove on! JM: Move... JM: Sigh JM: Goodnight..

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Jimin's Comments 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️

💜: 졸리다 졸리다 졸리다 졸리다 졸리다 졸리다 졸리다 졸리다 미치도록 졸리다 졸리다 졸리다 졸리다 졸리다 졸리다

오빠 그거 아세요? 새벽에 아미 5~6명만 남을 때가 있는데 그 때 여기서 소통도 할수 있어요ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

재밌으요🙃

JM: 오케이 접수 접수 접수 접수 잘자요 잘자요 잘자요 잘자요 잘자요 잘자요 잘자요 . 새벽에 난주 6명에서 대화해요 해요 해요 해요 JM: 닉네임정하고싶다 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 닉네임 예쁜데요? ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ ㅋㅋㅋ https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651508468831339

💜 (Username "I want to choose a nickname"): I'm sleepy (x 8) I'm crazy sleepy I'm crazy sleepy (x 6)

Oppa did you know? Sometimes when it's really late at night there are times where there's only 5-6 people around During those times you can communicate with us here hehehehe

It's fun🙃

JM: Okay understood understood understood understood Sleep well (x 7) When it gets late let's have a 6-person conversation sation sation sation JM: You want to choose a nickname hahahahahaha your nickname's pretty though? hahahahaha hahaha

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Jimin's Comment 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️

💜: 오빠 저 내일 졸업인데 졸업 선물로 댓글 달아주시면 정말 ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ 좋을 것 같아요....

JM: 졸업 축하합니다 ㅎㅎ 앞으로도 화이팅 ! https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651508695462102

💜: Oppa tomorrow's my graduation, if you left leave me a comment as my graduation present, it'd be reallyㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠnice....

JM: Congratulations on your graduation hehe All the best in the future !

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Jimin's Comment 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️

💜: 킄크킄킅ㅌ 지금부터 새벽까지 밤을새겠다 나도 접수완료

🐥💤

JM: 오늘이라고 안했습니다 ㅋㅋㅋ 이제 곧 자러 가야죠 저도 https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651508694424702

💜: Hehhehhehheh guess starting now I'll have to stay up till late Fully understood here as well

🐥💤

JM: I didn't say it would be today hahaha I should go sleep soon too

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Jimin's Comment 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️

💜: 오빠....내꺼에도 댓 달아ㅏㅏㅏ줘ㅓ어ㅓ어요 나한테도 닉넴이나 다른거 예쁘다고해주어어어ㅓㅇ어엉 나도 졸업했다교오오옹 중학교 졸업했으니깐 축하해주ㅓㅓ어어ㅓ어ㅓㅓㅓㅓ여~~

JM: 알았셔 알았셔어어어어어ㅓ어어어어어어어어 ㅎㅎ 얼른 주무세요 https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651508871827497

💜: Oppa.... Please leave a comment on mine tooooooo Tell me my nickname or anything else is prettyyyyyyyyy too I graduateddddd it's my middle school graduation so please congratulation meeeeeeeeeeee

JM: I got it I got ittttttttttttttttttttt hehe sleep soon

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Jimin's Post ❇️

이제 자러 가겠습니다 ! 즐거웠고 또 놀러 올게요 이쁜말 감사합니다 여러분 잘자요 굳밤 ! https://www.weverse.io/bts/artist/1651509107103911

I'm off to bed now! It was fun, I'll come play again Thank you for all your beautiful words everyone

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Jimin's Comments 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️

💜: 놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘놀아줘

JM: ㅋㅋㅋㅋ 댓글 너무 웃기다 얼른 자요 다들 JM: 몰라요 진짜 자려했는데 잠이 안와서리 JM: 이시간에 오면 4,5명이랬는데 왜 다들 안자 ㅋㅋ JM: 왜 기다려요 나는 안온다고 했었는데 .. ㅜ JM: ㅋㅋㅋ 여러분도 제발 자 https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651519691237038

💜: Play with me (x 450)

JM: Hahahaha this comment is so funny, hurry and sleep everyone JM: I don't know, I was really planning on sleeping but I can't fall asleep JM: You said if I came at this time there would only be 4,5 people, why is everyone not sleeping haha JM: Why are you waiting, I said I wouldn't be coming.. ㅜ JM: Hahaha please sleep too, everyone

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Jimin's Comments 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️

💜: 오빠 댓글 받으면 바로 자러갈게오..쑝쑝...����❤️ 플리즈 한번만...

JM: 오케이 나 여기로 왔다 여기 온 사람 다 잠들기 !!!! JM: 무슨 소리에요. 글 쓰신분 나 오면 잔다고 했어요. 분명 잠들었을 거에요 . JM: 다른 나라 아미도 잠시 취침 ! 도와줘요 ! JM: 나는 잘거에요 이제 졸리다 아이 졸리다 진짜 자야지 우오아아 졸리다 JM: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 아니 잘거라구요 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

분명 4,5명이랬는데 댓글이 5000명이면 어떡하라구여 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ JM: 알았어요 나 먼저 잔다 !! 진짜 답 안한다 !!!! JM: 나 진짜 잘거에요. 이제 이거 '게시'누르자 마자 전원 누를거니까 그리고 또 올거니까 언능 자요 바바바바 https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1651520238353900

💜: Oppa, if I get a comment I'll go sleep immediately.. whoosh...🥺❤️ Please, just once

JM: Okay, I'm here. Everyone who's here go to sleep !!!! JM: What are you saying. The person who wrote the post said that if I arrived they'd go to bed. I'm sure they fell asleep . JM: ARMYs from other countries too, go to bed for a bit ! Help me ! JM: I'm going to bed, I'm sleepy now. Ah, I'm sleepy, I should really sleep, wooow sleepy JM: Hahahahahahahaha I mean it I'm really going to sleep hahahahahahahaha

I'm pretty sure you said there'd be 4,5 people, what am I supposed to do if there are comments from 5000 people hahahahahaha hahahahahaha JM: Okay, I'm heading off to bed first !! I'm really not going to reply !!!! JM: I'm really going to sleep. Once I click "post" on this I'm going to switch my phone off. I'll be back back again, so please sleep soon byebyebyebye

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Jimin's Comment 💬 on ARMY's Post ❇️

💜: 울 왕자님🤴🏻 생일축하해요🎂 뭐든 말만해 다 들어줄게🧞‍♂️ 사랑해💕 세상에서 제일 소중하고 멋진 텽💖💞💘💓💘💝💕

JM: 글쓴이님 미안해요. 갑자기 많은분들 댓글 달게해서 저는 자러 갈게요. 잔다고 했으니 푹 주무세여! https://www.weverse.io/bts/feed/1647877212827829

💜: Our prince🤴🏻 Happy birthday🎂 Just say the word, I'll make them all come true🧞‍♂️ I love you💕  Taehyung, the most precious and coolest in the world💖💞💘💓💘💝💕

JM: I'm sorry, person who wrote this post. So many people suddenly leaving comments (on your post) so I'm off to bed now. You said you were going to sleep, so have a good rest!

(T/N: Jimin left a comment on an older post made by the same person in the previous post who said they would go to sleep immediately if Jimin left a comment.)

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[sickassastrology]

What made you different? 🥸

This is a general reading for the collective. This read is about your person you have in mind. Remember that because it is general it will not resonate with everyone. So take what sticks. Your free to choose whatever pile you feel. Heck, there could be little messages in all the piles. Time is fluid and we all have free will. So things can play out at anytime or maybe not at all. Follow your heart always. -E 💙🌻

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Pile 1 🍒🍒🍒

Greetings pile 1, the classy crew with the rider Waite deck. let's get into it. I'm getting whoever this was misused you when they had you. I heard the line from Jackson 5 I want you back. when I had you to myself i didn't want you around, those pretty faces always made you stand out in the crowd". With this group I'm feeling like what made you different to this person was that you had it going on. you had a lot going for yourself. and you didn't share that with just anyone. your riches. your glory. whether it was your body, money, time, energy. whatever the case was...you were selective in who you gave to. you are an attractive energy and human pile 1. and you know it too. 😜 confident. I'm getting the energy of I have a lot going for me, and I'm not going to just be out in these streets. my money is good, I look good, I feel good. It took a lot for you to get there and so you won't share that with anyone & everyone. and then....you gave it to this person and decided to act a fool, right? lol isn't it always like that. this person saw you as being able to take care of yourself, even when it was a lot. im getting heavily that some of yall have family members or siblings (big on the siblings) that you take care of. you are the parental figure to them. you had a lot of responsibilities, and yet you were still like a breathe of fresh air. you still knew how to smile. mature. you always smiled in the mist of sadness. and you meant it too, like it wasn't just a mask. it was like "I still have something to smile about in life. my flowers still grow. there's happiness all around me." you still knew how to give to this person. managing the connection even with your own stuff going on. and they admired that about you. when things got tough you remained calm. never too out of control. you handled each situation how it came and for what it was. although you told this person about your life, you NEVER made it burdensome to them. like that's my life, but we are separate from that. and this person was acting stupid. I see a few of yall into the occult too. and that definitely makes you different, doesnt it lol. but you don't mind it and didn't hide it because it's who you are. when you saw there was sneaky behavior going on, you left. you used your intuition to guide you. and now, this person does have a lot to give and will give it but if I screw them over they will bounce out. you are not the one to do an unfair relationship. I'm seeing this person got caught cheating on their phone. like you saw some hidden text messages. I also heard "nude" like nude photos you found. this person was doing too much. and you were like no it's not fair. and it was like they didn't care. they were only sorry they got caught. they see you are strong, know who you are, know your worth, and you won't bow down to anyone. and that's on purrrr! it hurts you, but you know your special and you are a gift to somebody out there. so if you have to leave, then bye. you'll see why I'm special later on. and this hurts but you know how to keep pushing forward. and your person is just like, omg how are they doing this, how are they still okay!? pile 1, your energy is so beautiful 😍. its very tranquil. and im not saying that you never get upset or anything like that but there is a peace about you. like it didn't work out. okay, cool. I'll just keep working on my life, taking care of me and mine. and best of luck to them, ya know? I see you did love them, like them a lot. but that's the way the cookie crumbles. and tbh, pile 1 I feel you'll be better off without this person anyway. like you'll be happier being a lone, find somebody else, or just keep taking care of business. so many blessings to you all, you deserve wonderful things. ❤

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PILE 2 🥠🥠🥠

Hi pile 2, so while I was shuffling I heard likeable. so your very easygoing and charming im getting. this pile is nurturing, motherly. I get the energy of "ill lick your wounds for you so you don't have to". Ouuuu a healer. I see. (make sure that people don't try to get over on you, because they will try it)! You are a kind person. I'm getting friendly to everyone around. This pile is let's make love, not war. You don't like to agrue much. This person could have been a fireball and you just put their fire ALLLL the way out lol. I feel like some of yall worked with this person or around them. and there would be competition around you, and they would try so hard to get your persons attention. like look at me!! trying real hard. and then there you were like " I'm just here, doing me". you weren't trying to stand out. and they looked right at your ass too. 😂😂 Pile 2, you are almost too loving for your own good, aren't cha. 🥰 you love life. you showed this person a different way of living, like just go with the flow. but you weren't reckless. if you did go out or drink. I'm feeling like a festival or winery type. you showed this person that life is fun. you are a true free spirit. you don't let a lot of life's qualms bother you. this group is very natural. humanitarian. I heard the word garden. this pile is the type that give to the less fortunate. I'm seeing a person on the street and like you'll give them money, food, or whatever it is with no second thought. very "here you are. be blessed". and this person was in awe of that type of generosity. because this world doesn't have people like that. you weren't doing it for attention. you are a G-I-V-E-R. Tbh, with this pile I'm really feeling like you have a gift to help people, but I'm not sure that you even know that yet. you think that's just how you are. but i see you really doing things with the community. know your purpose you all, because its so important. you are balanced. Yes you are such a giving person. BUT you will hold back IF needed. you know when to hold em & fold em. that's you. you just don't have to try hard. I'm getting your person wears a mask to fit in. you do nothing, you can get somebody's attention without doing much of anything really. you love life and you give life into others. into earth. the seas. skies. heavens. whatever it is, you give life to it. this pile is an empress. very divine feminine. *(remember tarot have NO gender, it is only energy)* you'd make a good parent if you had children. *as I said that, I heard I don't want kids but I have fur babies*. 😂 okay so you take care of your pets as your little babies. we love them too. 🐾🐾 this group wishes good on other people. as I was pulling your oracle. the card purpose slips right from my hands. and it reads. purpose: I know what I am here to do. didn't I say this group fits in to a bigger picture. find the reason you are on this earth, do not waste another minute because you will feed so much life into other people. earth angels. 🥰 beautiful. pride: I love myself and see myself in everyone. and gratitude: I am thankful for life and the opportunity it presents. come through pile 2! confirmation again. I just said you love the life you live. the pride you have is almost humble. it's like you like yourself. the good. bad. ugly. and there's no better way to be. and that's why they like you! heck, I like you 😂 so awesome. let your light shine.

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PILE 3 🥦🥦🥦

Pile 3, whatsup!? How are yall feeling? So right off. This is more about your mindset pile 3. your intellect. this person valued your decision making. you moved very carefully when it came to other people. they would come to you and ask about somebody. and you could look and examine and tell if that person was okay or had some type of ill intent. umm....intuitive much? you are a very wise person. you listen a lot to your gut, even if you have to sleep on it. your going to go with what you feel. you knew how to get work done but you still made time for the connection too. I'm getting that some of you have an important job or school that takes up time BUT you knew when to be silly and take breaks too. I'm feeling like you and this person had really goody times together. snapchat filters and silly faces 🤪😂. you are a very determined person. when things get hard or you fail. you never stop trying until you succeed. but you pace yourself, never tire yourself out. sheer determination from yall. love it. there's a lot of power in that. this group loves gathering information. reading. tv. listening. however you gained it, you shared it with your person and other people. a teacher. you actually made this person become better when you spoke to them. it challenged them. you also had a quirkiness about you. I'm getting you had hidden talents about yourself that were really random 😂. but your person loved it. you all pulled the empathy card. it reads: I am open to seeing both sides of the situation. again yall, you really know how to read people. use this to your advantage and get in touch with yourself. Tbh, if you tap in...you can sense auras. if you can't already! 💫🔮

********************************************************

I have to say, every single one of you are special. each of these piles possess such unique abilities and talents. bless you all. not to say your perfect by any means. but beautiful works in progress. so whether or not these connections work out or your person comes back. you matter. you don't need to change what beauty inside yourself. keep growing. keep challenging yourself. don't compromise. your worth it. so climb to the highest mountain top and scream. "I AM WHO I AM. I AM WORTHY. AND BEAUTIFULLLLL". bless. -E 💙🌻

[keuncats]

Keun Breaks Down the Meaning of all his 4 Albums | Genius News

hi everyone i’m ong keun and i’m here to explain the music that i put out in the world and every music app such as spotify, apple music, youtube, amazon, so please check them out.

I think i piece of advice that i could say to every new artist in there the most important is not just do songs that you enjoy but having people that you can trust to help you out doing. i write all my songs, thats true, but i don’t produced them all the time, my best friends help my out with that and i’m really glad to have him by side cause he is opinion that most matter cause sometimes i appear doing a lot of songs who doesn’t work out and he is not afraid of saying if its not good or not. 

INSIDE OF: RING RING THE 1ST MINI ALBUM

this was my debut album that contents six musics. as it was the first time i was realising songs i didn’t have such big picture in my mind for a big and important meaning of it, but it does containt of me telling a story. if you see the cover of the album, which by the way, is former actress moon nayoung colarbone that i discover she didn’t know that they would use for my album, but they told me that was the plan and i went over it cause i thought it looked good. i could have get sue thought, if she wanted. but if you see the feeling that it gave, i don’t know if it gonna make sense, but it represent every vibe of the songs on it. this album have r&b and hip-hop genre styles with the lyrics talking about love, sex, falling in love, talking about the scenery of the night, and bottles of liquor. so you can picture that the album itself is about a guy who is just doing his daily routine of going out in the club, meaning people thinking that would have just meaningless night, instead, he meets this woman and he falls for her and he wants to get close to her more than he got to have that night at the club cause it was an incredible day that night. its a very luxury scene that the album itself represents.

INSIDE OF:  la gaudière - The 1st album.

i have to apologize now cause i don’t remember now if i release that one in the same year of ring-ring or not. i don’t think even my fans knows it cause they seem to think thats my weakest album, which i don’t get it cause is my favorite one so far and you can tell i really liked this one cause i put thirteen songs making him my first full album. what makes me excited for doing it at that time cause i put in my mind to sing about the stages of what a relantionship goes. with the first stage being fulling happiness and being in the clouds, and being totally in love, and getting to know someone and speding time with them so fully that you got his little habits too, exemplae of that being I Am You, You are Me, is also about the hardships that it has to face together and being willing to open up about each others scars, fears, the real person and what goes on in the their head and having to trust someone, with that scary part being represent by that it has the second track of the album that is named Overthinking. Overall is that, is not an album about being fully happy but also not sad about to break up, is just an album about ups and downs couples face it indivudually but they in the end are together for better or worst.

INSIDE OF:  Go Away - The 2nd Mini Album.

okay, wow, we came to that one. thats very close to my biggest pride in terms the fame it got and helped me grow as an artist. i mean, if you ask if you known any keun in the kpop music they just gonna say: the go away guy. which is fine by me. personally, i think people who follows me know what i was going through at that time, if you just clicking by this cause you liked my looks in the thumbnail and don’t know who i am: at that very moment of me creating this album, i was heartbroken. yep. that time had to come. as the songs talk about that stage of live, the title itself with the music video explains more and you can understand better but is about giving yourself everything to this person and commiment to her and she just dumped you and as you go yourself being sad you starting seeing her flaws and you starting being: get away from my life, please. and with that being the title and the first song of the album is perfect, because as the other songs go along you can see that even if that person starting thinking they should do better to themself and get over the other, you can see in punishment that he is not fully but he decided to emerge this sadness into anger not necessarly just about having that person breaking his heart but seeing that they thinking they could do better as it shows in netflix & chill, but that person is not completly the saint of it and he goes going to his dark ways of being and changing himself to worst and going doing wrong habits and thats what penthouse is about. after all that, there is bittersweet and 2 soon that you can just capture that this person is just broken inside and he just wants to be everything as used to be but he is not cause he changed, he grow and he doesn’t know if that was good. is an album about having to dealing with himself cause you thought you were in the right pat but turns out was not.

INSIDE OF:  ice cream after sex - The 3rd Mini Album.

truthful speaking, i don’t like this one very much however i’m gonna say its very nice and chill to hear, i will give you that. i got back about talking about love and relantionship, but with a more mature vision of it cause as you have experiece stuff you starting to accepeted that fact that when you fall in love you don’t fall for that person is equal to you or even is that person you tought it would be your type, cause thats life you know? random people gonna enter your life and they gonna teach something and they gonna be part of your life and everything that you go with them as any type of relation with them and it goes both way cause you are a person too and you get a part in the other life and your actions and as of them too build what you are together and your memories. different as the lead single is perfect to describe that and the album in a whole. 

INSIDE OF:  Artist Award - The 3nd Album.

thats my lastest album that i came up and thats what i would say is my little baby, cause is the album that i relese under my company that i’m starting to build and not just about that cause those songs are about not just about myself as a person but me being hundred percent honest about everything that i’ve been throught. the album starts with acting award that has the hook me being rapping: “i’m a boy not a star.”, which yes i know at that time of life as right now i’m what people say one of the biggest solo artist in my country, but what i have to go through to be where i am in some people views is not great, i’m not saying that i regret or anything because i just was a boy who wanted to music since i was dancing justin timberlake with my childhood best friend and neighbourhood, and i get out of school without graduating to go being a trainee in a new place by myself so every oppurtinity they gave me i took it cause it seem good. yes, it brokes my values, i’m not perfect but it teach me and with everything people say about the industry you just gonna feel what it really is when you are part of it. and talking about values, before coming up with the full album i relese singles of the album and talking about being tired of being the image that people want you to be the song Young is about that. Justin Bieber, yes that title of the song, MOVIE SHOOT and BIORYTHM are two sides of my life too. one being me and my image itself that they set and what people compare me too, and the other being what i was growing up as a kid and teenager and even now.  the tracks go on with Love Like This and Cinderella that is very much sound likes ring ring, but is more way of the inside that got on in the process of my first steps in my careet and my relantionship that it had to feels as perfect and goals. we still are but at least people know how we got together. the album is just me and thats why i felt good doing this one more than the others. 

I hope you guys have enjoyed this video as much as i do even if there people who made thread about my songs and honestly i’m really glad people wants to know the inside of it, thats why i’m here with genius finally. i hope i ome soon with others, maybe a full english song? who knows! see ya.

[aoibaratraveler]

UK Road Trip Week 2

Day 8:

We woke up and quickly packed up our stuff not wanting to spend another second in this airbnb especially since the bf got such a bad kink in his neck. We headed to Bournemouth as soon as we bought lunch and there we relaxed on the beach and ate it. The city centre of Bournemouth was unexpectedly busy but it makes sense since the beach there is so nice. We walked around for a couple of hours and played with the new feature on Pokemon go. After leaving Bournemouth, we took a detour to our next campsite and stopped at Lulworth Cove. This area was gorgeous and relaxing to sit and watch the waves at the top of a cliff but it was also packed and after an hour we decided to pitch up at the Osmington Mills campsite. This was the most beautiful campsite we had been to by far It had amazing views of a valley and rolling hills so it was understandably full of people. We pitched up and then drove into the nearby town of Weymouth for burgers. We enjoyed the beach views after dinner while writing a scathing review of our previous airbnb and then headed back to the campsite to tuck in for the night since we were exhausted.

Day 9:

Today I woke up feeling super excited because it meant that I got to see Kevin, the bf’s grandparent’s dog! I have been really looking forward to it! I got up at about 6:30 after having the most uncomfortable sleep by far (was tossing and turning all night) in the tent, got refreshed, looked in amazement at the gorgeous beach with a mini waterfall and there was hardly anyone there, win-win!! We explored for awhile and let the sounds of the ocean waves relax us. At about 11 we decided to head off to the Isle of Portland after getting the bf’s starbucks, we only had about 4-5 hours to explore and sightsee before getting to the airbnb cottage outside of Yeovil where I would be staying with the bf and his family as they prepare for his cousin’s wedding. We drove to the very top of a hill/cliff at the Isle of Portland and it was just fantastic, the sky was mostly clear with nothing but a few pure white fluffy clouds. There were also olympic rings up there since apparently this was the sight of the 2012 London Summer olympics. There was even an old torch which was cool. We explored the cliff area and found a rocky area that seemed to be the remnants of a Roman fort, it had a mysterious and intriguing atmosphere and felt like a rocky canyon of sorts as we walked through it before deciding to scramble up the rocks. The bf and I agreed that we both love a good scramble and talked about possibly doing a climb in Italy together called a via Ferrata which I’m very excited about. We decided it was time to head to the cottage which would be an hour and a half drive away. The cottage itself was beautiful with many rooms and washrooms and a lovely garden, i don’t know about you though but when family photos are up everywhere in a place you’re staying just staring at you, it can make you feel a but unnerved. When the rest of the bf’s family arrived we ended up having to settle for a room with two single beds because the only other option had a sofa bed which was too uncomfortable. The bf’s grandmother thoroughly disliked the cottage because of all the rules, I was just bummed because I couldn’t wash my clothes since apparently the washing machine was off limits. Oh, I forgot to mention Kevin, yes the moment I saw him I was so happy and couldn’t wait to play with him but he was much too energetic to focus on me and just wanted to run circles around the garden but who could blame him after spending four hours in a car. For lunch, the bf’s grandmother made a very carby, delicious assortment of foods. There was a potato salad, a rice salad, boiled potatoes, breaded chicken, and a trifle for dessert. After lunch, the four of us, the bf, his sister (R), and her husband (S), and I went grocery shopping, The bf and I were complete goofballs and had too much fun just messing about and being silly while getting cereal and milk. When we got back we all just talked for awhile in the kitchen and I thought we’d play games but by 21:30/22:00 i was super tired and the bf, R, S, and the bf’s grandad had all gone to the living room from the kitchen and were looking at Netflix while their grandmother and I stayed in there. i’m not sure why but I didn’t want to join them and I was so tired that I just wanted to be alone so I went upstairs, listened to some ASMR and fell asleep. I woke up about an hour later and noticed that the bf had moved some stuff around the room so I decided to get up and brush my teeth, properly say goodnight to everyone and then return to the land of sleep.

Day 10:

Today started off with a rush of excitement as I woke up early and I thought to myself that I needed to be productive and get all of the little things I wanted to get done like planning my blog and reading before going on our hike to Cheddar Gorge which I thought would earlier on in the morning than it ended up being but well everyone else seemed to be taking their time which I mean is understandable but I was just very keen to go and we didn’t end up leaving until 11. When we got there it was packed full of people which made me remember that it was a Sunday so of course it was busy. I had gone in S’s car, R’s husband, so I could sit with Kevin the dog but we got there too fast so we had lost sight of the bf and R and spent a good half hour trying to find them via phone and text but with poor signal all while defending a parking spot for the bf in a layby parking area that we found. I say defending because people were being very aggressive and trying to take it and I know it’s a faux paus to hold a spot but where else was he supposed to park in this madness. We eventually started the walk at 13:00 after finding them and boy was the beginning steep! But what a great butt workout! It was Kevin’s first time in this kind of situation so he refused to have anyone walking in front of him from our group otherwise he’d give out a very nervous sounding, high pitched sort of bark. He needed to lead the pack. Once at the top, the views were spectacular and the winds refreshing. The walk was supposed to take 1hour and 30 mins but we took our time and the 4 mile walk took about 2 hours and 30 mins. We hurried to the cheese shops before they were to close and bought a nice big chunk of extra mature cheddar cheese as a souvenir before heading back. Once we got back, i was delighted to see that the sleeping mats I ordered had arrived. I opened one up to test it out and then the 4 of us, the bf, R, S, and I sat around the table to play card games until dinner and afterwards until the evening.

Day 11:

Today I woke up knowing that it would be an uneventful day because the bf and his family were going to his cousin’s wedding. It was an easy going morning with them leaving at about 12:30. I spent the rest of the day with Kevin and got some things done from my to do list including uploading the first week of my blog! I read my book, had dinner and then took Kevin out for a nice long walk, so just a chill solo day.

Day 12:

Barely slept and woke up feeling exhausted at 6 in the morning because the bf came back drunk from the wedding at midnight yesterday and this was the most drunk I had ever seen him. He inevitably spent the night vomiting so I did what I could to help him and then spent the rest of the morning packing up both of our things while he rested but then I also got my period and felt just as crummy as he did because I was always have the most painful cramps. We had breakfast with R and S after leaving the cottage and then the rest of the day was a struggle for us both until we got to our campsite.

Day 13:

We both woke up freezing today, the weather seems to have turned it’s back on us. Our trip started off very warm, day or night, but the rain has been following us since we left the cottage which makes the nights cold and the days hot and humid. Today the weather wasn’t too good for sightseeing so since we had to anyway, we stopped in a Starbucks to plan the next portion of our trip. We unfortunately had to take the whole of Ireland out of our plan because the costs of this trip are starting to add up and truth be told, a month and 3 weeks isn’t enough time for us to do all that we want to do in England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland, and The Republic of Ireland and we were foolish to think it would be enough time. I’d say more like 2 and a half months to 3 months would be enough time to really see everything and take our time but we just don’t have that or the savings to be able to do so. So we’ll explore England, Wales, and Scotland this time and dedicate an entire trip for Northern/Republic of Ireland later on...once we had wrapped up our planning, we headed to the lush and filled with rolling hills Dartmoor National Park to camp for the night.

Day 14:

Woke up freezing again today at 4 am because I went to sleep without extra layers, very foolish mistake. Tried to do what I could to warm up, thought about staying awake for a bit, but then went to the car to try and and warm up to no avail. In the end, I put on some extra socks and forced myself back to sleep. Woke up two hours later to the morning chorus of “baaa” and “neigh”. To accompany this lovely tune was the sweltering heat from the sun that the tent has captured which was a signal to the bf and me that it was time to pack up and leave. From there we headed to Plymouth to exchange two camping gas canisters bought the day before. While we were there we perused the nearby Waterstones and then bought a delicious steak pasty to share before heading to St. Austell. Once we arrived, we bought flowers for Vanessa’s family and parked out on the road of her house and was greeted by Vanessa’s mother. We put our stuff in the room that we would be staying in and then walked down to Porthpean beach. The bf had been wanting to go to the beach for the longest time and was glad to finally dip his head in the water. On the walk to the beach, we bumped into Vanessa’s twin sister. I had never met her before, and even though I had seen photos before and was able to tell the difference then, I was surprised by how truly identical they are in person. At the beach, the bf played around in the water for a bit and we then skipped stones for a while before heading back. Vanessa’s mother had cooked a vegan lasagne for us all to have for dinner and we chatted with her and  Vanessa’s twin until Vanessa got back from work. We then gathered some snacks, took the hood off their jeep wrangler and went to Caerhays beach for a late night drive in showing of Grease. It was the bf’s first time seeing the film and he found it ridiculous. 

[dylannicknight]

Page 57. What I've become

March 21, 2019 6:44am There's literally a lot going on in my life right now. I can't keep up to the pace and feel like crumbling down. Work is starting to get really really busy. I dunno if that's because I showed off a lot or it's because it's almost the end of the first quarter of the year.

Grabe ang busy ko na pala. I used to be a very lazy guy. I work smart, not work hard. But right now, I don't feel like it anymore. I have tons of tasks on my bucket, I render preshift and postshift OTs which I hate doing and it wasn't always like this. Since I feel like slacking off right now (even though I still have a lot of things to do), I took a break just to think and look back who I was a few months ago. Definitely, a lot has changed.

I used to have a positive outlook in life. I wanted to make sure that everything is well planed, I think ahead of time, think of a solution before I even had the problem and I wanted to make sure that I am always 5 steps ahead of everything. I used to be happy just being alone and doing simple things like sleeping, baking, playing video games, mobile games, eating, watching movies, series and just making fun of myself. I used to be a very jolly and happy person. I make fun of every little things and that's really why my bessy and I tagged along. We always laugh, we always sing, we always go out and eat out and travel and try various things like archery, fun run, staycation and tripping and exchange gifts. I was really happy back then. I could only imagine the smiles I give to everyone whenever they see me or feel my presence. But lately, things have been so depressing and I started to become very pessimist. I no longer make plans, I'm like 5 steps behind everything that I am supposed to do, I still foresee upcoming problems but just didn't care anymore. I became a very toxic person and people just turned their backs on me and don't feel like hanging around with me anymore. But it's okay. I'm used to being alone anyway and I didn't realize that I am used to being sad too.  But I don't wanna be miserable.

I'm Lazy. That's a hard damned FACT. That's the very reason I normally do things last minute, or do shortcuts or typically just think of ways to make my life easier r just don't do things at all. But you'll be surprised that these past few days I've been cooking and washing the dishes and cleaning the toilet which I haven't done since I dunno, ages maybe. I just feel the need of doing it. Now I spend a lot of time in the office and do a lot of task not like before where I used to go home on time and mostly sleep at work. I couldn't really say though that I've been so productive but I just feel the need of keeping myself busy to stop myself from thinking a lot and being sad. I feel like I always wanna do something that would speed everything up in the hopes of surviving and just ending the day. Yeah.. I know. Sad but that's how I've been. Existing but not living. unnoticeable but not invisible.

You see, I made this blog to write about things that I wanted to remember. Partly, I also made this as a part of my advocacy. But lately, I just don’t feel like putting anything in here as I just want to forget. Forget the pain, forget the reality that I'm at, forget the feeling and just forget about everything. Funny that I even go to this blog to read previous entries rather than make new ones. It seems like everyday I have to make reasons, explanations and excuses. It's kind of getting really tiring already and I'm starting to think if I really owe anyone any of those. After seeing a lot of things, I no longer feel like engaging myself to advocacy. I know I haven't seen it all, but I'd say I've seen enough. Enough for me to be discouraged and think if I really wanna be in it.

I changed in all sort of different ways. Even in how I am and what I believed in. and I guess this is when everything started to get shattered. I'm still an introvert though and still has my social anxiety. Now, whenever there's someone in our house, I get the feeling that I don't have any choice and I just got to be uncomfortable and just deal with it. Normally, I would just walk away.

I used to get so excited when it comes to love. I used to believe that love deserves a good story and that everyone deserves a love story and a happy ending. But reality really slapped me so hard. Now, I just don’t feel like I believe any of those any more. Honestly, now everything is just a bunch of bullshits and everything will be bound to break anyway and it's just up to you if you can take it or not. All the colors and the wonders started to fade away and turned into the dark reality of what the world really is. Though I know for sure that these things that I used to believe in, they still exist. Maybe they're just not meant for me. I suddenly remembered back when I first found out that I am HIV positive. I swore that I will never ever be in a relationship anymore as I feel that I no longer deserve it. Until someone decided to be with me and loved me. I thought that there is still a love story waiting for me. Eventually he just told me that if one would understand what kind of virus I have in my blood, no one would really love me. So much for a happy ending huh? And now... I'm in an open relationship.

I used to say that I don’t make sex but I make love. Yeah! Fuck that shit! Sex is sex! Nothing more than having someone scratching your itch to make it go away. Well, we're too damaged anyway. Broken as fuck. So I now I wonder and ask myself why I ever believed in things like happily ever after. I'm starting to become so numb and heartless. Maybe it's just a matter of time til I become the monster that I fear. But to think of it, everyone's really a monster of their own. Why play the princess and the prince in shining armor when you know for a fact that in the end you'll just be stabbing each others back? and that is just, the sad truth.

These changes happened so drastic and maybe that's when I started losing my own self worth.

I wish could simply mumble these words..

"Do me a favor: please don’t break me. I will give you every single part of me, I will tell you my secrets, I will tell you my emotions and hand you everything I have. I will open myself up to you in hopes that you might be my person. I will put in effort, I need it given back. I will give you parts of myself that I can never get back. I need you to be there and I will love you with all that I got. Please make it easy - the entire relationship, getting over you. Please make it easy and don’t break me."

But I just can't...

Though I won't really say that it was all a bad thing. In my own little ways. I still am happy. But probably with all of these changes, I grew up. I matured, I learned and I finally woke up to face my own reality and not dream like a stupid kid anymore.

[erlenmeyertrash]

Once you get this, you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly. Then you have to send this to ten of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool).

positivity IS cool my dude. and i’m going to extremely challenge myself by finding the time i did this MONTHS ago (e o n s) and making myself do five OTHER things. because self positivity is hella cool. oh queso

…now i’m mad because i already used two of the ones i thought of uGH

alsO get ready for the ramblies under the cut because :) i :) like :) to :) talk :) it’s just me fleshing out each one for literally no other reason that the aforementioned/extremely obvious love of the ramblies

the shortened version is: 1. i like that i want to fill spaces; 2. i like that i have an independent self from other people or ideas; 3. i like that i can both talk and listen; 4. i like that i’m not afraid to speak in public; and 5. i like that i have a life plan

1. i like that i want to fill spaces. i like that i have this section of my bedroom wall covered in sticky notes and notecards of quotes that i like; i like that i have this burning desire to decorate my new bedroom/living room when i move (in august i caNT WAIT) with a tapestry and pretty curtains and throw pillows and little plant bowls. i like that when i get my first house i already know i want nice-smelling candles in like every room and shelves full of books and mementos and pictures lining a hall or a shelf or two. i love designing or rearranging or making a space feel clean yet lived-in, and i love that i love it. 

2. i like that i have an independent self from other people. in the past, i’ve been the type of person to mold my personality to certain groups- from like second or third grade all the way up to last year, i remember doing it. it’s happened in past relationships, too. it’s like ‘oh, this person seems to like when i showcase X aspect of my personality, better Do That All The Time Forever Around Them.’ it’s negatively affected me at times, whether it’s been changing my personality/viewpoint on things to something i now regret (the whole Being Mean And Eternally Sarcastic/Aloof Is Cool in middle/early high school deal) or simply exhausting me from trying to be something that i am, but not totally am (pretending to always be happy when that’s physically impossible to do, thereby ignoring negative emotions and never properly dealing with them). i’m forever clingy and an incessant people-pleaser, but it morphed into attempting to change or hide parts of who i was in order to keep people around. i’ve only recently been strongly attempting to change this part of me by forcing myself first to realize it’s okay to be who i am, even if parts can seem contradictory (being social one day and wanting to be a recluse the next). i’m in a relationship rn (for those of you who remember That God-Awful Drama With Snow White, yes, it’s still the jo bro, he’s p darn cool), and i decided right off the bat to throw caution to the wind and totally be my weird self around him with changing moods and steadfast ideas. sometimes it makes me uncomfortable when our opinions clash, or self-conscious when my brain tells me “oh, he’s going to get tired of you being like X, you need to not do that/not tell him when you feel like this,” but i think it’s helped me grow as a person and made us closer. i’ve realized people who care about you will understand you can’t always or never be/feel a certain way and they’re totally fine with it. b a s i c a l l y i like that i ‘found’ who i was and have learned to be more accepting of it. and yes i could keep going with this :)))))

3. i like that i can talk (woahhh never woulda guessed right) and listen. i used to always feel like (and was told by some people) i talked Too Much™ and never listened to people. it made me feel ridiculously self-centered and try and shut myself up or exclude myself from conversations for fear of shutting others out. the issue was that i did enjoy listening to people; i think, looking back, part of it was just my age/maturity level!! and wanting to say the Perfect thing to be accepted and fit in to whatever group. now, i think i’ve found a more healthy balance. i’m more aware of when it is and isn’t a good time to have a longer discussion; i’m more capable of not interrupting (or if i do, apologizing and holding my tongue, and knowing they’re not crucifying me for it). i’m also able (and love) to sit back and listen to someone ramble about something they feel strongly about or have a unique opinion on. i think i like this about me because i like being heard- so much to where i realize others probably also like it, and i appreciate that i’m able to accommodate it from both perspectives.

4. (a continuation of 3 but still its own thing) i like that i’m not afraid (or. well. no longer completely terrified) to speak in public. sure it can freak me out sometimes; but i was in a high school organization (mock trail anyone? yeah r i p) that forced you to basically perform an hour-long improv show that combined acting with wits and being able to think on the fly (all while wearing a gross suit. like. cmon.). i was in charge of freak fracking closing arguments, which- if you’ve ever watched a Lawyer Show- is the one at the end where they have to make a persuasive speech to the jury entirely based on what transpired in the case. since the events of the case always changed based on your opponent/judge/etc., i had to prepare this five-minute speech as the case was going (while being involved in the case itself as an attorney) and then, once the case was over, immediately present it to the jury of (Real Actual Adult) attorneys. the first few times i did it, i was so scared. but when you’re forced to do something outside of your comfort zone enough times, your comfort zone can morph to accept it (note!!! that this is not me telling you to force yourself far outside of your comfort zone. you don’t see me signing up for Cliff Diving Camp here). it helped me learn how to better carry myself; i can tell it helped my conversational and debating skills, especially with superiors or adults who are More Adultish than me. it helped me learn how to cope better with the jumble of nerves i (still) get before speaking to multiple people or crowds. 

5. i like that i have a life plan. i especially like that i can modify parts of said plan and still believe that i can reach my goals and be happy and content with my life. the current plan is survive these next two years of college, apply to pharmacy school, get into pharmacy school, kick pharmacy school’s butt, and then get a rockin, well-paying permanent job with decent hours so i can play with Oggo and buy him Every Single Toy That Exists In The Universe.

3 and 4 combined have helped me learn how to be more assertive with my thoughts and self(™) and know how to get what i want- which in turn forced me to learn what the heck i wanted, therefore leading into 2 and 5 and discovering 1. and writing all this has made me realize that while i do still have issues with self-confidence, i actually really do like parts of who i am. so thank you anon for this lil burst of confidence on this fine saturday morning ily ♡♡♡

[raccoonsinqueen]

My Little Princess - Part 2

♚ MobFell Papyrus X Reader, it’s gonna be straight up textbook Yandere with a little Tsundere if you’re picking up what I’m throwing out that window.

♚ Big shock Pap is super evil.

♚ MORE from @skelltales​ YANJAZZ. 

♚ tHIS IS IT

♚ Just like how Mobtale!Papyrus is more mature than Papyrus, Mobfell!Papyrus is more mature than Underfell!Papyrus.

You were beginning to see maybe Papyrus wasn’t as nice as you thought he was.

 When you had came to him in your time of need, Papyrus was eager to help... After he pushed you to admit you were wrong and he was right. But that hadn’t mattered. After all, what’s a little humility when here he was, offering to pay for your living expenses and housing!

 He took you down the hall, leading you by hand, and you quickly realized how minimalistic he lived. There was not a decoration in sight, even when you passed what you thought could’ve been his bedroom. Everything was there if and only if it had a distinct function, which seemed to just include lights and locked doors.

 That was until he stopped in front of a pastel pink door.

 ��THIS,” He opened the out-of-place door and put his hand on your lower back to guide you inside, as if you’d get lost or go the other direction if he didn’t. Or as if you’d start running away. “IS YOUR ROOM.”

 You immediately could tell a difference between the room and the rest of his home. Everything was bright with soft colors; the ceiling, the furniture, the walls. Surprisingly, there were no windows, save for one that looked like it had been drawn on with chalk. The bed was big, soft, and a plush purple. There was a vanity along a dresser with various kinds of makeups scattered along its exterior. The closet seemed to be already filled with exclusively frilly dresses, and there was a single box at the very end of the room labeled “TOY BOX”. Across from the closet, there was what looked like a side door that lead to a bathroom.

 “.... My room?” You looked around, your tears being dried as you slowly pulled yourself out of self loathing. “Did this... used to be a child’s room?”

 Papyrus seemed to falter for a second. “A-A CHILD?”

 “Yeah... I mean, with the toy box, the chalk window, the bright colors... I mean, I only assumed-”

 “YES.” He stated, interrupting you. “A CHILD USED TO LIVE HERE.”

 You drew one of the dresses out just a bit. It seemed to be your size?

 “AN UNUSUALLY LARGE CHILD.”

 “Oh...”

 “DO YOU...” You noticed Papyrus getting more nervous. It always melted your heart when he got like that, almost like it’s a reminder that even tall, edgy monsters like him get insecure. “...NOT LIKE IT? I thought girls liked this sort of thing...”

 That last part you almost didn’t hear, but it made you chuckle nonetheless. It’s also a nice reminder that he’s not as knowledgeable about certain things as much as he pretends to be. “You’re so funny, Papyrus!” You’re laughter seemed to warm up your skeletal friend’s cheekbones. You were still curious though as to who lived here before you, though. “It’s fine, I like it! Besides, I can’t afford to be picky when I’m... When you’re...”

 “GIVING YOU EVERYTHING?”

 Oh geez, you didn’t like it when he put it like that.

 “RIGHT?”

 “R-right...” You held your breath for a second. “Papyrus... Is there anything I can do to make this up to you? I feel just awful taking advantage of you like this... Anything at all?”

 Papyrus’ breath hitched anytime you said anything , but you just ignored it. “WELL... I SUPPOSE I WOULDN’T MIND A SMALL TOKEN OF GRATITUDE FOR MY EFFORTS...”

 You smiled. Now you’re getting somewhere. “Anything you ask as much as I am able, you name it!”

 “YOU...” He started to heat up a deep shade of ruby as he looked off to the side, “YOU COULD... YOU COULD BE M-MY... . . . Y-YOU COUL-LD GIV-VE YOUR-RSELF... . . .”

 You listened intently. You were sure asking for help is hard for him. Afterall, it was hard for you. You set your hands down on his, and almost immediately he blurted out an answer.

 “ MAKE ME COOKIES! ”

 Whoa, that was loud. You had to slam your eyes shut and reopen them just to regain focus. But once you did, you smiled bright and happy. “Easy Peasy! Consider it done!”

 Papyrus put his skull into his hands and exhaled, “YES. MAKE ME COOKIES. THAT’S WHAT I WAS GOING TO ASK.”

 “What kind would you like?” You tilted your head. “I’m not the best cook in the world, but I’m not the worst either.”

 “OF COURSE YOU’RE NOT THE BEST, I’M THE BEST.” Papyrus was a chef? How curious! You didn’t know this! But before you could even question it, he moved on. “I SUPPOSE I HAVE A RATHER FONDNESS FOR OATMEAL...”

 You snorted, “Oatmeal? The most boring flavor?”

 His head zipped towards you, “IT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT BORING! YOU SPEAK BLASPHEMY!”

 His genuine and exaggerated demeanor left you rolling with laughter, “Hahaha! Oh my goodness!”

 “TH-THEY-” He was getting less irritated and more embarrassed as your laughter pressed on. “THEY CAN HAVE DINOSAUR EGGS IN THEM, THAT’S THE LEAST BORING THING!”

 HRK-! The kid’s dinosaur eggs oatmeal! Oh geez, THAT was funny!

 But you had to stay strong and keep it in, because you knew if you busted out into laughter it would only hurt his feelings. “Ha... Alright, alright, fair enough...” He seemed triumphant over your fold, as if he won you over with his intellect alone. “I’ll make you oatmeal cookies with the dinosaur eggs, if you bring me the ingredients. I’ll have to go to the kitchen to bake them in the oven though...”

 “NO NEED.” He held up his hand as he pulled out a phone. “I’LL ARRANGE FOR AN OVEN TO BE MOVED HERE. THAT WAY, YOU NEVER HAVE TO LEAVE THE ROOM.”

 “Oh!” You said. “You don’t have to worry about doing anything like that! It’s okay, I want to leave the room! I’d love to see more of the house, if you didn’t mind...”

 “I WOULD MIND.” You were startled by his forwardness, but he just kept talking like it was the most nonchalant thing to say. “BESIDES, YOU WOULDN’T LIKE WALKING ALL THE WAY TO THE KITCHEN EVERYDAY, YOU’D GET TIRED OUT.”

 ... How far away was his kitchen? Wait... “Everyday? You’d like me to make cookies for you everyday?”

 Papyrus raised a bonebrow at this, “YOU BELIEVE IT IS TOO MUCH TO HANDLE?”

 “No no! Not at all!” You smiled. “In fact, I’m glad! It’s the least I can do to repay my debt...”

 Papyrus hummed to himself, turning a little redder at your statement. “... AS YOU SHOULD FEEL...”

 And so you did make cookies for Papyrus. He installed a pastel mint colored oven in your room and gave you the supplies you needed. Unfortunately, Papyrus wasn’t there for you when you made it, he seemed to be rather busy all the time with his job... But you did the job without a complaint since it seemed to be the only way you could repay him, and he seemed to enjoy them considering he described them as “RATHER ADEQUATE”. That’s about as good as the compliments get when it comes to him.

 As the days went on, you fell into a rather comfortable routine. Papyrus was a very punctual man, and demanded that, as long as you live with him, you would be too. 8:00 AM on the dot he would expect you to be awake, dressed, and prepared to greet him at the door. He was very particular about this, which you found strange, but you did as he asked. One time, you purposefully slept in to see what he’d do, and after knocking on the door loudly a couple of times and shouting your name, he rammed the door down with an expression you could only describe as a mixture between rage and... panic? The moment his eyes laid on you, lying sleepy in your bed, he’s expression cooled to a sigh of relief, but only for a second. After that cool relief, he was back to his frustrated lecturing. He talked your ear off for two hours about the importance of punctuality, or at least being not as negligent and oblivious as to not even answer him when he calls out to you.

 At this time is when he brings you coffee from that coffee shop you two went to so often. Oh, when you catch the smell of the delicious beverage, you always feel prone to wanting to sit in the aesthetically pleasing cafe. But whenever you mention it, Papyrus always seems to distract you with something else... He also brings you breakfast and a packed lunch as well. The contents always include “THE EXACT NUTRITIONAL NEEDS FOR A LITTLE GIRL SUCH AS YOURSELF!” It usually consisted of a croissant or a bagel, some margarine, a piece of fruit, and a glass of water. Whenever you wanted something else, as long as it wasn’t bad for you, he’d go out and buy it for you the next day.

 8:30 AM was when Papyrus had to leave for work. He’d lightly clack his teeth on your forehead, and then head out the door without another word. One morning, right before he was about to leave, you asked him what he worked as.

 “MY EMPLOYMENT?” Papyrus seemed... colder at this.

 You nodded, “I’ve always been curious! You’re so busy all the time, rushing around and all...”

 A shiver crawled down your spine at the expression Papyrus gave you. You had never seen him look at you like that... Save for the time you refused to apologize at your old work place. It made you feel... Bad. “ YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW. ” His tone was biting, almost venomous.

 “I-I....” You looked down. You wanted to cry.

 You heard him sigh in resignation, before you felt his gloved hands trace your jawline. “I... I’M A CONTRACTOR. OF SORTS. THERE, HAPPY?”

 You looked up at him. His features had softened. You smiled, gratefully, and nodded.

 “GOOD.” He crossed his arms. “DO NOT ASK ME ANY OTHER QUESTIONS ABOUT MY WORK. THE ONLY THING YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT IS YOUR PRACTICE, UNDERSTOOD?”

 “Right.” You affirmed, and he smiled at that. It was nice seeing his rare smiles.

 “GOOD LITTLE GIRL.” He pet the top of your head, before placing a mock kiss on your forehead. “I’M LEAVING NOW.”

 “Have a good day!” You called out, watching him leave.

 He didn’t respond, but you saw the smile tug on his face and the warmth in his features.

 Papyrus wouldn’t return from work until 7:00 PM later that night, with dinner. One would expect that you’d get bored from the ten hours you had all by yourself, but you surprisingly kept yourself busy. The toy box you had on hand was luckily not just there for show, but instead was filled with all kinds of entertaining things. There was an easel and paints, a drawing pad with colored pens, an assortment of different instruments ranging from a small harp to a flute, a jump rope, chalk, multiple notebooks with pencils, a few colored balls, many many puzzles, an assortment of different kinds of books ranging from textbooks to fantasy novels, and a pair of dancing shoes. Not to mention, if you ever wanted any more “toys”, Papyrus would hand them over in a heartbeat.

 You were a particular fan of the books he gave you, and you were always overjoyed when he’d bring a new one home. You loved learning new things when it came to nonfiction, like one that taught you the biology of arthropods or the one that taught you how to read topographic maps. You also quite enjoyed reading the nonfiction stories very much, your favorite genre being fantasy! Your favorite book had to be one about a girl who was forced to live with a terrible beast, only to find out he was actually very kind and the two fell in love. There was also a romance book you rather quite enjoyed, but after you expressed to Papyrus your admiration for the main love interest, the book mysteriously disappeared.

 While you did enjoy many of the different items you had, there were two things that Papyrus required from you. Number one was that by 7:00 PM you have a batch of cookies made ready for him. You liked to surprise him with a new flavor every time, but it was never really much of a surprise since he provided the ingredients. And number two was that you practice dance. You had never really been particularly extraordinary at dancing before, but Papyrus demanded that you get at least some form of exercise everyday and that this “WAS THE EASIEST WAY!” To prove you had been keeping up with your dance practice, he’d make you learn a new one everyday, and show off that dance with him in the evening. You were shocked to find out how good of a dancer he was, but you mostly peeved because he just spent the entire time critiquing your dance skills. You were pretty sure he just chose dancing as a form of exercise only because he wanted to dance with you, anyway, so why’d he have to point out everything you did wrong as well?

 Oh, well. You enjoyed it, he enjoyed it, so you were just fine with this.

 But something... was missing.

 It had been at least a couple weeks since you really got comfortable with your routine. You noticed that something was aching in you. What was wrong? You had everything you could want? Food, clothes, entertainment, a soft bed, working air conditioning, what else were you missing? Maybe you could ask for Papyrus’ advice when he gets home...

 Man, Papyrus really didn’t show up often... Only for about thirty minutes in the morning and then maybe an hour or two at night... You missed him.

 ...

 You didn’t just miss him! You missed your friends, you missed making friends, you missed the people you were able to work for, you even missed being able to talk on the tele with your family when you could, you missed people in general ! That’s what it was! You were lonely !

 It seemed the only times you lived for were when Papyrus came in, and that was soooo far and few inbetween... Well, that’s alright! You’ll just go out and take a walk! Let’s just grab some shoes and...

 Huh. You never noticed before, but Papyrus never gave you any shoes.

 Oh, well. That didn’t matter anyway, you were lonely enough to go on a walk with no shoes on. Besides, you were sure it wasn’t too cold outside.

 You quickly stumbled over to the door, excited to finally get out of this stuffy room. You hadn’t realized it, but you really hadn’t left that room since you came to Papyrus! How nice it will be to finally get some fresh air. There wasn’t even a real window in this room, for heaven’s sake! Now, let you just...

 You wiggled the door knob. It wouldn’t budge.

 Was it stuck? Surely, he wouldn’t have... You started frantically budging it back and forth.

 It was...

 Locked.

 Locked!?

 Oh, boy. Oh, boy... This had to be some kind of a misunderstanding! There’s no way he’d keep you here against your will , right? Right? Of course, not! Papyrus was a little rough around the edges, but he was kind to you! He even let you stay with him in his home! Granted, he’s been pushing you to do that since the beginning... But he comforted you when you had lost everything! Granted, that was after he pushed you to wrongfully admit an apology... But!

 But he was Papyrus ! Secretly-kind, awkward, shy, tsundere Papyrus! How could he, lover of the oatmeal with little dinosaur eggs in it, keep you here against your will? He was your friend! Papyrus, the blunt, easily-frustrated, prideful, ... mysterious, quick to anger, ... harsh, demanding, tyrannical.... best friend you know and love?

 You blinked. Now that you think of it... There was something off about him... You know monsters usually tend to be a little more hostile than humans, it’s just apart of their culture, but hostile isn’t the only word you’d describe Papyrus as. It’s almost like things just... fall perfectly into place for him?

 You shook your head. No! Don’t start thinking like that! This was obviously just one big mistake, he accidentally left the door locked, and that’s it! Just wait until he comes back. You’ll see. You’ll explain the situation, he’ll realize his mistake and probably get a little flustered about it, and then take you out with him on a walk himself. Just wait....

 And so you did. Your nerves wouldn’t calm down, you couldn’t even think about practicing your daily dance, you could only pace back and forth, reassuring yourself that your close friend would be here soon.

 Finally, at 6:30 PM, you sat yourself on your bed and just stared at the clock, waiting impatiently for 7:00 PM to come.

 6:40 PM. On the one hand, you were nerve wracked at the thought of him coming home. What if your worst fears were realized? What if he... ! No! Don’t think like that!

 6:50 PM. Everything was going to be fine! Why were you so nervous? You know Papyrus, he’s like a sea urchin, spiky on the outside, soft on the inside. Of course, some sea urchin are venomous... Nope! No, it’s all going to be alright!

 6:55 PM. Why did you keep having to reassure yourself? Was your subconscious trying to tell you something? Were you just being paranoid?

 6:59 PM. What if he never came home? What if you were stuck here forever?

 7:00 PM. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

 You made a beeline to the door, grabbing it and swinging it open. You didn’t even wait a second before you collapsed into your spiky friend’s embrace.

 “Y-Y/N?” He stumbled over his words. See? There was no way someone who gets flustered over a hug could keep somebody against their will.

 “Papyrus! It’s so good to see you, I missed you so much!” You exclaimed, looking up to him. “I’ve been waiting for you all day!”

 “Y-YOU-?” Papyrus swallowed, his expression brightening and brightening with that bright red color. “-I...” He cleared his throat. “... I DON’T-”

 “Papyrus, the door... It was locked!” You expressed your worries in a single breath, waiting for him to realize his mistake and let the relief wash over you.

 The ruby, conflicted expression Papyrus wore was wiped away with a look of shock, then... cool calculation. You didn’t really fancy the later of his expressions. “YOU... TRIED TO LEAVE.”

 “I wanted to go on a walk...” You stepped back. Why did it feel like you said something wrong? He wasn’t...

 “YOU CAN WALK IN HERE.” He stepped forward. “I MADE SURE THERE WAS PLENTY OF ROOM.”

 You took a step back, you could feel your heartbeat picking up. “I-I needed the fresh air...”

 He took another step forward. “THE AIR SEEMS FINE IN HERE.”

 “I’m-!” You took another step back, but you stumbled back onto your bed, making your height difference even more apparent. “Papyrus, I want to go outside!”

 “...” His breath was controlled... too controlled, almost as if he was forcing it to be that way. “NO.”

 “Wh-!”

 “YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED OUTSIDE.”

 Not? Allowed? A rush of rage clouded your judgement for a brief moment, “What do you mean I’m not allowed ?!”

 “IT MEANS YOU ARE NOT GOING OUTSIDE , Y/N.” His eye sockets were stern and unchanging.

 You stood up, angrily, your face heating up with conniption. “Who are you to tell me what I can and can’t do?!”

 “YOUR CARETAKER.” He replied with an unusual amount of calmness. Like the calm before the storm. “THE ONE WHO FEEDS YOU, CLOTHES YOU, GIVES YOU ENTERTAINMENT, COMFORT, AND GUIDANCE.”

 You recoiled with distaste. That’s what he thought he was to you? A... caretaker? Like a pet owner? You shook your head, “I don’t... I...”

 “WELL?” He mockingly grabbed squeezed your cheeks together, a twisted smile on his face. “AM I WRONG?”

 You smacked his hand aways, your rage building once more. “It’s not like I’m not grateful for what you’ve done for me, but you don’t have ownership over me! You can’t tell me what to do!”

 “AFTER ALL I’VE DONE FOR YOU , YOU STILL CONTINUE TO SPAT MY HARD WORK BACK AT MY FACE?” His venomous words made you wince.

 “I’m not spatting anything!” You hissed. “I’m asking for common decency !”

 “AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO DESERVE THIS COMMON DECENCY , HMM?”

 You faltered, and Papyrus seemed to receive some kind of sick enjoyment over seeing you stumble.

 “YOU’VE DONE NOTHING . SO YOU WILL DO NOTHING , UNLESS I SAY SO.”

 You flinched, flabbergasted at his sudden cruelty. You knew Papyrus was a lot of things, but you didn’t think truly cruel was one of them...

 “You... You’re right...” Papyrus’ smirk grew wider with triumphant, but you weren’t done yet. “I’ve taken advantage of you, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

 His grin faltered, “IT’S NOT-”

 “But I won’t do it anymore. I’ll pay you back for everything. But I’m not staying here anymore.” You pushed passed him, and began walking towards the exit, but you were stopped by the claws of what you once considered your closest friend.

 He grabbed your wrist and easily, but painfully, tossed you onto the bed.

 “Ow-! Hey, Papyrus-?!”

 “ Y O U . ” His voice sent your skin crawling as you pushed yourself back as far as you could away from the monster. “ A R E   N O T   L E A V I N G .” He grabbed you by your ankle and dragged you towards him, despite your protest. Without a second thought, he grabbed your wrist and threw you into the bathroom before slamming the door.

 “Wha-?” You went to try and open the knob, but, alas, it too was locked. “Hey! Papyrus!”

 “IF YOU ARE GOING TO ACT LIKE A CHILD, THEN YOU WILL BE TREATED AS A CHILD. YOU CAN COME OUT WHEN YOU REGAIN YOUR SENSE OF SELF.”

 “PAPYRUS!” You slammed on the door, repeatedly, “YOU CAN’T-!” But you fell back when you heard one loud BAM on the door.

 “ YOU ARE TO STAY SILENT UNTIL I RETURN! ” He erupted, startling you out of your skin. “NOBODY WILL HEAR YOU, ANYWAYS...”

 That statement alone sent you into panic. Nobody will hear you because nobody’s around, nobody will look for you because nobody knows your gone, nobody will find you because Papyrus, your best friend, has kidnapped you. You are utterly and completely alone .

 “GOOD.” He took your silence for obedience, which made you want to spat it back in his face. “I WILL BE BACK TOMORROW. IF YOU’RE A GOOD GIRL, I’LL LET YOU-”

 You started to cry. This seemed to make Papyrus hesitate.

 “...” You could tell he was debating something within himself. So... he does have a conscience... you could use this... “I... I’LL BE BACK LATER TONIGHT...”

 And with that, he stomped away.

 It must’ve been only a few hours while you cried to yourself. Who was this monster you had grown to love, and why had he betrayed you so much? Did he plan this from the beginning? The robbing, the unfortunate events, the fire ? All so you would come running to him? His own manipulation twisting you into being his... being his doll! You couldn’t stand it, what you thought he was and how he tricked you! But you would never truly know how much he did nor how much he did not.

 All you felt now is that you wanted to sleep....

 Sleep......

 S l e e p . . . . . .

  You were awaken by a knock on the door. It was gentle, quieter than you ever heard him knock before.

 “Y/N?” He said, carefully. “HAVE YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON?”

 What time was it? It had to be sometime way early. Or late.

 “ Y/N. ” Papyrus’ voice was more insistent this time.

 “I-I...” You cleared your throat. “I have...”

 You heard the sigh of relief beyond the door, before it opened up before you. Papyrus was casting his eyesockets to the side, but opening the door far enough for you to come through.

 You stood up shakily, shying away from the monster. He stood back from the door to allow you to come through, which you did as you kept your eyes on him.

 “YOU...” He cleared his throat, before sitting down on a chair he pulled up. The room was dimly lit, you could tell, since the only light source seemed to be a few candles he put out. “UNDERSTAND WHY I DID THIS, CORRECT?”

 For only a brief second you saw the door, before your eyes immediately fell back to your captor to not raise suspicion.

 It was wide open.

 You thought carefully, very carefully, more carefully than you ever have. You thought back to your hugs to him, what made him flush, what made him nice. You only had one shot, this was it. Time to play the role of his doll.

 You took a sheepish step forward towards him, before you became a little bolder, stepping right in between his legs. Once again, even sitting he was taller than you. His expression shifted from guilt to surprise at you boldness, and he complexion turned a bright crimson as you draped your arms around his vertebrae. “I think... I think I might know why...”

 “I-I... I DID IT TO PROTECT YOU.” He quickly looked away from you. You could feel the heat off his face. “I DON’T WANT TO LOSE YOU, I DON’T WANT ANYONE ELSE TO HOLD YOU, I WANT YOU TO BE MINE . MY LITTLE HUMAN, MY LITTLE GIRL , MY LITTLE... P R I N C E S S . ”

 “I... see...” That’s all you could say, how could you say anything to that?

 “I-I-” He swallowed at his own openness, his crimson coloring turning a bright pink. “I KNOW YOU MIGHT BE MAD NOW, BUT! BUT I CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY HERE! JUST MINE AND MINE ALONE! ”

 “I might be yours alone, Papyrus.” You saw how your words affected him, he almost melted in your hands. “But I’m so alone . You’re gone so often... I...”

 “YOU’RE SO DESPERATE FOR MY TOUCH, MY ATTENTION, MY AFFECTION WHEN I COME HOME...” His breath gained as he leaned toward you, the warmth burning even hotter.

 “Yes, but I’m so lonely! I miss having friends!”

 “I’M YOU’RE FRIEND.”

 “Friends with an S, Papyrus.”

 Papyrus seemed to search his mind for answers, “WHAT... WHAT ABOUT SANS? WHAT IF HE STOPS BY?”

 You gave him an annoyed look, “The first time I met Sans, he reeked of mustard and kept making a pass at my butt and got irritated when I refused to sleep with him.”

 Papyrus seemed even more disgusted than you did, his grip tightening on your waist. “ THAT MANGY... YOU WILL NEVER SPEAK TO MY BROTHER AGAIN.”

 That was one order you were sure to follow. “Understood... But that still leaves-”

 “YOU WILL LEARN TO LIVE WITH JUST ME.” Your heart broke at his order, and his expression softened as yours did. “Y-YOU... IT WON’T BE AS BAD AS YOU THINK IT WILL BE... I’LL BE... G-GOOD FOR YO-OU...” He pushed your hair behind your ears.

 You traced your fingers along his cheekbones and he melted again, the shy pink in his complexion returning. “Stars, I wish I could bring myself to hate you.” You said, honestly. His eyes went wide with surprise, but you continued anyway. “But... You’re the same. You’re the same stubborn monster who lost his gloves and was too prideful to say “thank you”. How is it that I still love you even though you’re my captor?”

 “ L-Love?” He barely whispered, his breathing gone erratic.

 “I don’t believe...” You drew closer to him. “I could love anyone the same way I love you...”

 “ Hah... hah...” He seemed to just bask in your words.

 “My only friend, my captor, how you’ve twisted my heart.” Your breath danced along his teeth, you were so close. “Let me repay the debt. Will you close your eyes for me?”

 “ I-I don-n’t...”

 “Please?” You whispered, and he obeyed.

 You drew him close, but slowly pulled away until he was sitting alone. He seemed confused by the sudden lack of warmth, and that’s when you took your chance to slip past the door. As he opened his eyes, you slammed the door shut, found the lock and locked it.

 “ Y/N?! ” You heard the doorknob twist and jangle, before a loud SLAM erupted the frantic movement.

 “If it’s any consolation...” You rested your forehead against the door. “I meant what I said. I’ll never love anybody like I love you again... with fear.”

 “ Y/N?! STOP! DON’T YOU DARE-!! ”

 “Goodbye, Papyrus.”

 You turned around ran. You ran and you ran and you ran. You knew for sure that door wouldn’t hold him for long, but it just had to be enough for you to put enough distance to make it impossible for him to find you. You won’t go back to the city, you can’t. You’re sure he’d find you. You had to run, run somewhere else, somewhere far away from the city. You didn’t know where, you just knew you had to run.

 And you did.

[xurkitips]

On Conveying Personality Through Chatroom-style Dialogue

A friend of mine shared screenshots of a roleplay he was having via a Discord server, wherein the style was chatroom/texting based. Each character would have a different style of typing completely unique to their person. Though unfamiliar with all of them, I could see what their personalities were like

Like real human beings, a character very much so has a “voice”. I mean that both in the literal sense, through their manner of speaking and what they say, but also through their self expression, interests, and actions. This carries over into the digital realm in ways we may not even notice. Text messages may not be verbal, no, but there are ways to show inflection.

There are many, many ways to show meaning through text. Here are some that I’ve picked up and utilized with my own characters:

Sentence structure

all lowercase sentences VS Grammatically correct

Lowercase gives off the feeling of someone familiar with others or willing to become familiar. It lacks the tension of formal writing, complete with its capitalization and proper periods ending sentences, and feels very casual and approachable. It may also be a sign of someone who doesn’t care much about perfection, a lazy person, or an easy going individual. Seems like a lot of internet regulars prefer this kind of typing style.

“im dying

‘deafening horrorcore rap’ ok i listen to literal noise and idk what this even is”

Using a properly capitalized and punctuated style is very formal, like one would see in a book, an official email, etc. It’s more serious and stern than lowercase is and may imply an older, more mature person typing...or maybe just someone trapped on their phone at the mercy of autocorrect. 

"I am always happy to see you, even if you are not feeling your best.“

“It's nice here.

Quiet.”

There’s a certain respectful steadiness to it as well. It can be calming to read at times.

Punctuation VS Lack of punctuation

End-stopped lines come with both a pause and a bit of a pointed and direct feeling. It strengthens both lowercase and grammatically correct styles, but in different ways. In conjunction with “proper” writing, it’s less noticeable, merely giving the reader a moment’s pause. In conjunction with lowercase, especially if the one typing isn’t keen on using periods, it can come off as stern, serious, passive-aggressive, or angry.

“whatever.

it's less excruciating than it would be without it.”

Removal of punctuation is a different story. Typically just shown with lowercase, it leaves it with that casual feeling intact, or like one’s sentences are more like quick thoughts or questions. Removing them from grammatically correct sentences does ease off some of the tension, implying someone with a more neutral-positive tone while still being more mature. 

“I’m not terribly good with conversation”

And then there’s the run-on sentences from those who type small novels per response. Usually complete with multiple and’s. It’s a sign of nervousness, enthusiasm, or oftentimes a younger character...

“actually i don't know much about it i just happened to see something online and it's apparently only manufactured overseas exclusively for this one particular shop and they made the original design and initial product i guess”

Oof.

Proper spelling (or lack thereof)

The better the spelling, the more the likelihood of the person being older, calmer, or neutral. There’s also a sense of being well educated or careful about one’s typing. Perhaps a confident air may exude from what they say, too.

“Can you come help me for a moment?”

Those who make a lot of mistakes will simply confuse words for other words, forget apostrophes, or type too fast to notice things missing or in the wrong location. Some just don’t really care enough or are too tired to deal with it. Too much focus and people know what they mean anyway. Probably.

“i laug hso hard hes come runin

he thougt i aws dyin”

It can also happen in very emotional situations, in bouts of laughter, crying, rage, or when one is drowsy, medicated, or sick. It tends to stand out when one’s style is suddenly very, very different and tips others off to something being wrong.

Younger characters, especially kids, also make spelling mistakes all the time depending on their age, whether due to sounding out words or just in a hurry to reply.

Short sentence fragments, single words, and lengthy paragraphs

Sometimes people with rapid-fire thoughts, who are excited, busy, stressed, or angry, will take to quick and short responses (sometimes of many fragments in a row). These show a similar feeling as do lines of poetry. Stacking small fragments on top of one another adds emphasis. The reader has to read them one by one rather than as a straight sentence. On its own, the word or fragment stands out and becomes more important.

"well

yeah thats

what i was tryina do

but i mean”

I’ve seen it used used for storytelling from one person to another in larger chunks of things, quick responses, for poetic value, and in irritation or passive-aggressiveness.

In full sentence conversations sent in short bursts, it’s also allowing the reader pause to read each comment without it feeling like a novella. Though it can also feel like someone is obnoxious, rambling on and on as the notifications keep coming, or has a lot to talk about and keeps thinking of more.

Then there are those who type rather large responses all at once instead of hitting the enter key with every sentence:

"Whoever did it was quite thorough; either the power in that area of the lab was cut while we were distracted or they tampered with the security cameras, because that footage is missing. But, we have some theories now. It had to have been someone with direct access to the laboratory. I hesitate to place blame on any of my coworkers...they're all my trusted companions and friends! And yet...”

It’s concise and a solid, complete story in one spot. Could be someone who loves to talk, could be someone who didn’t want a response before they were done talking. It’s also commonly seen by middle-aged texters who want to say everything they can all at once.

Exclamation points and Question marks

Simple one here. Question mark for a question or confusion, exclamation point for emphasis or an exclamation. But when a person adds multiple to a sentence it can convey more of the person’s feelings; 

“are you okay??”

Here is someone who is very concerned. Multiple question marks can imply things such as worry, stress, disbelief, and shock. There’s a sense of hurry and tension. Perhaps the person on the other end is frightened, easily afraid, or tends to have an overwhelming reaction to things.

“oh!!! it’s nice to see you!!!”

"! 

!!! 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Meanwhile, multiple exclamation points convey much more friendlier, happier tones. Often such things as surprise, excitement, happiness, friendliness. Users typing !! as a punctuation (like I tend to do) may do it as an assurance or to show how thrilled they are to talk. Occasionally !!!! is tacked onto an angry statement to be more of a shout, but I see it less and less.

Chatspeak and Internet habits

Shortenings of words have been a regular thing for ages. It’s easy, convenient, and gets the point across quickly. But the internet has taken it to a new extreme, where sentences can be almost entirely compromised of them.

“wtf r u talkin abt?? gdi man idk wuts even happening rn”

A character wanting to be quick to respond, always on the ball, always involved, may be more likely to utilize and understand chatspeak. They’re the social butterfly of the group. It’s also a sign of a long-time internet lurker who’s aware of what the lingo is, and how to use it. A complete lack thereof points toward either an older user or someone who’s unused to social media.

The more memes, the harder someone is trying to fit in. Or maybe they’re easily amused or just absorbed things from their friends without thinking about it. The comedian of the group is going to know the best ways to use them.

Smilies and Emojis

:D D: :DDD // :3 3: >:3 :3c // :o :O O:<

These kinds of smilies have always struck me as the most friendly. Whether used in devious ways or with genuinely heartwarming intentions, the playful, lightheartedness of the user really shines through these. 

"not a bad way to spend a lazy day :D”

“it's also my birthday :3″

It’s got just the right vibe to punctuate a sentence that’ll leave the reader feeling that the person likely means no harm or wants to be friendly, positive, or encouraging. I’ve met a lot of people that use these and turn out to be very kind or considerate people.

:), ;), ((((: and related

A long time positive, friendly smiley. 

"You said you've known them a long time? I think they would understand. :)”

And yet these days I tend to associate it with passive aggressive statements, plotting, slyness, devious behavior, or anger. Older users may be inclined to use :) as a means to show their emotional state, but newer users seem more inclined to do the opposite. The more parentheses there are, the more upset the person, it seems.

“man don’t u love it when the power’s out in the middle of the night it’s just (((: really great thanks (((((:”

Then the ;) smiley comes off more specifically flirty and a bit playful. Doesn’t seem to change much there.

“if i find a good chance 2 hook u up ill do my best ;)”

XD

The bane of my teenage existence. It’s a more old school sign of laughter, rarely seen in today’s world due to falling out of favor and becoming associated with, “LOL Rawr XD Tacos I’m So Randoom,” culture. But time to time you do see it. Mostly with sarcasm but sometimes with genuine intentions.

“xDddddDDD

It was a good joke. XD”

A character using it genuinely comes off more playful, and to me, personally, as an older person who’s genuinely unaware of the associations with the smiley itself trying to show how they laughed without using LOL. 

Letter/Character smilies

Y’know, things like .w. and ._. or owo, where the letters or symbols make a face. These are fairly popular, it seems. I don’t like using them myself, but know a few who do use them.

"I'm sorry that they can be mean qmq”

It’s a different feel from the others. There’s something soft to it, almost a gentleness. When these or Japanese characters are used, there’s more whimsy. It’s cute and almost a bit feminine. It may convey an open person or give the impression that said person is easier to talk to.

Though honestly I can’t see uwu and owo as anything but heavily sarcastic. I’ll be honest with you.

Emojis

The first rule of Xurkitips club is that we don’t talk about Emoji Movie. Just putting that out there riiight now.

Used sparingly by most for fun and for emphasis. Characters may use them to be lighthearted, aesthetically, joke, or to make a conversation more flavorful. The use of emojis may determine a character’s personality; I find that characters who use hand emojis like 👌 are rather laid back, those who use 🙃 do it passive aggressively, and we all know what kind of person uses 🍆.

Then there’s what in common terms known as, “The DudeBro”:

[MFKNSTARBOI]: the thing i never undstood about hair is why people buy shampoo like regular soap not good enough for you LMAO 😂😂😂

[gostones]: .

[BIGDICKTOYOTA69]: what the fuck man

[ahogekun]: do... you not use shampoo

[MFKNSTARBOI]: aaaah you guys got sucked into big shampoo as well 😔

[MFKNSTARBOI]: When it comes to horses 🐎  the stars in the sky ✨ or just man to man no bullshit advice 👬 IM youre guy 😤😂

I think this one speaks for itself.

[momentsinsong]

Moments In Song No. 016 - Christen

“Moments In Song” asks people one simple question, “What are you listening to?” We believe that you can learn a lot about an individual and their experiences based off of the music they love. For every installment we ask someone to make a playlist of 10 songs they’re listening to, whether it be something new they stumbled upon, or a song they’ve always loved, and explain the story behind their choices. The person’s playlist is then uploaded, giving them the chance to share it with others. Each post aims to profile someone from a different walk of life, whether they be an artist, a student, the mailman, a school teacher, an athlete, a nurse, your next-door neighbor, anyone with a love for music; showing that no matter where we come from, what we do, or what we look like, music has the ability to bring us together.

With a playlist centered on relaxed beats and soothing vocals, Christen tells us the stories behind some of her favorite songs. Keep reading below to see our interview with the personal stylist and fashion blogger as she tells us about the first thing she listens to when playing music, 106 & Park, and how her taste in music has matured over the years.

Listen to Christen’s playlist on Apple Music and Spotify.

Words by Julian. 

Photos by Tayo.

What was the thought process that went behind making your playlist?

I was thinking about all the songs I’m currently listening to at the moment. I literally download new music everyday, and these are some of the newest songs I’ve downloaded, along with ones I already had. I love music so it was hard for me to fit all of my favorite songs into my playlist. I really like songs with smooth vocals, so a lot of these songs are very relaxing and put me in a mood where I want to feel stress free and care free.  

What song did you instantly know had to be on your playlist?

It’s between “Cranes in the Sky” or “Blessed.” It’s funny because I never listen to the lyrics of a song. I always listen to the beat first.  Those are the only songs that I really listen to the lyrics and am like, “Ok, let me figure out what they’re talking about.” “Blessed” is definitely one of my favorites because it talks about my life a little bit, and how I’m a crazy person sometimes but still blessed to have the people in my life who know how to deal with me and my craziness. And with “Cranes in the Sky,” I didn’t really know what it meant at first, and I guess it mean’s different things to different people, but to me, it makes me feel safe. Even with everything going on in the world, it lets me know everything is going to be ok.

How would you describe your taste in music?

It’s a mix of everything. Like I said earlier I like really mellow music, but I also really like house music, techno. Hip-Hop is cool. I like it but only certain songs and artists. But I’ll listen to certain music when I’m feeling relaxed, happy. I’m a weirdo, because when I’m sad I like to listen to sad music, to make me even sadder. [Laughs.]

I think everyone does that.

I don’t know why, but I really have to be in a specific mood to listen to certain songs. Like depending on how I’m feeling in the morning, I’ll listen to some turn up songs to get me hype, or days when I’m feeling tired I’ll listen to some more mellow stuff. But I feel like music in general sounds better when it’s loud, so I like to blast my music too when I’m in the car. The only type of music I don’t like though is country.

You mentioned earlier that when you first listen to songs the thing that sticks out to you the most is the beat. Is that the case 99% of the time?

Yeah definitely. Because if a song doesn’t catch my attention within like the first ten seconds, I’m turning it off. I know sometimes when I’m in the car I don’t have time to change the song, I’ll let the song play and I’m like, “Oh ok. This isn’t really that bad. Maybe I should’ve listened to the whole thing.” But for the most part the beat is what draws me in and keeps me wanting to listen more.

You said earlier “Cranes in the Sky” and “Blessed” were songs that had you focusing in on the lyrics. What songs on your playlist were the opposite and had a beat that really drew you in?

“Middle of Things, Beautiful Wife” by Sango featuring Xavier Omar and “Harem” by Miguel. I have no idea what the hell Miguel is talking about, but the beat along with his voice makes me like the song a lot. There are a lot of songs where I don’t know what they’re talking about, and sometimes I do want to research what they’re saying, but then I’ll think, “Hmmm, I just like the song.” Vocals also stick out a lot to me too. Some artists when they sing, it gives me chills. Like certain Daniel Caeser songs, and Beyoncé sometimes. Some of the notes she hits, I’m just like, “How can she do that?”

Most of your playlist is slow, mellow music but one song that stuck out to me was the Gucci Mane song. Is there a reason you threw that on there?

I just really like what he was talking about. First of all, his last album was good as hell.

Mr. Davis?

Yeah I’m surprised they don’t play a lot more of his music on the radio. That’s a really good album, and I liked what he was talking about on the song as afar as being black owned, which is funny because I want to come out with t-shirts that say that, because I’ve never seen that. That really stuck out to me, and him rapping about how he got out of jail, came back on, and was popping again.

When you first start listening to music you listen to what’s on the radio, and what kids in school are listening to, but then as you grow older you start to develop your own preferences and taste. How would you say those have evolved over time, and if there was one particular song, artist, or album that started that for you?

I’ve always loved music. I remember when my mom bought me my first CD, it was either Lil Bow Wow or Lil Romeo. And I listened to that CD every single day!

Which one?

The first one. With him on the front with the army bandana

Bow Wow?

No this was Lil Romeo. Bow Wow was the one where he had the dog on the front.

Which I found out was photoshopped later. He’s not really holding a dog on.

For real? Wow. But yeah I was always watching 106 & Park when I wasn’t supposed to be. Watching all the videos. Downloading music off of mp3 Rocket. I was getting really into music.

When was that? 106 & Park and mp3 Rocket?

106 & Park started that off. That was elementary school into middle school, and mp3 Rocket was around high school. Like all through high school, Limewire, all that stuff. That’s when I started downloading songs that I’d never really heard of. I really got into Drake towards that moment. That was like 2010. What grade was I in?

I think that was 10th?

I think it was junior year. Yeah I really got into Drake. I was a fan and listened to all of his songs. Its funny because I really used to hate slow songs, I really only liked fast songs as a child. But then when I got older, I started to like slower songs, and then from there it went crazy. I was downloading N.E.R.D., all different types of artists I was interested in. And when I stared listening to Soundcloud I started getting into different types and feels of music. Iman Omari was the first person I ever listened to that wasn’t really Hip-Hop or R&B, but somewhere in the middle. He really introduced me to different types of artist like Kelela and others. It was crazy. It just happened so fast. Music, I guess I just matured with it. What I was attracted to started to mature with my age.

What role would you say music plays in your creativity fashion wise?

It definitely inspires me. I know sometimes when I listen to songs I create a music video for them in my head, and I’ll use that as inspiration for a photoshoot, or what I want to write a blog post about, small things like that. Music is definitely a big inspiration in my life because it keeps me going. It sets the mood for everything that I do.

Can you pick one song on your playlist and give us the story behind why it’s on there?

“Blind Man” by Xavier Omar. I heard that song forever ago on Soundcloud, and you know Soundcloud doesn’t credit people all the time, so I had no idea who this man was. And after then I think I was on Pandora, you know Pandora will play random ass songs sometimes, I’ll be real shocked. I was listening and all of a sudden the song [“Blind Man”] came on. I’m like, “Oh my God, I haven’t heard this song in forever,” and I looked and saw that it was Xavier Omar. I had never heard of him so I downloaded his album and came to found out that he was on a lot of other songs that I actually liked and never knew who he was. So from there I grew to really really like that song. I like his vocals, and the way he sings. There’s a lot of artists out here that people sleep on, and they’re talented artists who people just don’t listen to, and it’s crazy because that’s a beautiful song.

Connect with Christen:

https://www.instagram.com/sochicchris/

https://twitter.com/sochicchris

https://www.sophisticatedchicblog.com/

Connect with Moments In Song.

[gooselullaby]

Out of bedtime stories: Okay wow. So it’s been three years since I started this account back in 2014. And I am just an emotional wreck right now. Especially with all the friends I’ve gained over time.

2014. 2015. 2016. 2017.

Three years of this pure sweet bean that has graciously made my life improve by her positivity and her outlook on life. I just love coming on Nanako because I know I can either kill the dash with cute or with angst (there is no in between). I love coming here because I’m always so warmly received by everyone in the whole Persona fandom.

Okay.

So like, this is the first time I’ve ever done something like this. And instead of a follow forever, I just wanna give a shoutout to some people who have made my time here a true experience that I will never forget.

@foggiest-idea - Dacho. You were my first Adachi, and you were the first one to get me started in the fandom. In fact, if it weren’t for you, I would have never made Nanako. Remember how we met in that group chat? As annoying as it got to be at times, I’m glad I was invited in because I got to meet and write with such a wonderful person. And I’m so grateful that you think highly enough of me to have kept contact with me through out all this time and deal with me and all my shenanigans and antics. You’re a homie for life, understand that! You’ve helped me through a lot of rough patches, and I’m so grateful to you for it. I really hope we continue to be friends.

@sabazio -XOE. I love you so much fam it’s unreal. I think...you and me are the oldest people in the fandom now with our original accounts. I think that’s saying something! Ever since we met two years ago, we’ve been pretty much joined at the hip when you’ve been online! And every time you’ve been here, it’s been a wonderful experience that always leaves me laughing; whether you’re spoiling Nanako over here, or tormenting Nicole on my other blog, or being utterly confused with Asahina. I’m always having a great time with you and I think that just proves how great and how adaptive you are of a writer that you can throw Akihiko into any situation and have him work out with just about anyone. Keep being rad, and know that I adore and appreciate you and everything that you do!

@truthorslap - Whoopi, you are the definition of a good friend. Did you know that? You’re there for every post I make, every meme I reblog. No matter what the mood or tone is, I feel like you’ve always got my back in someway or another, and that I could count on you for literally anything. That’s not something I can just say for anyone tbh. Like, you’re always there. And it’s amazing. You’re amazing. Stay frosty my friend.

@ptohpr - Mekky! Okay, so you’ve known me since my Xion days, and I’ve known you since your Logan days (don’t think I forgot one of my favorite OCs!) And no matter what account I’ve moved to, you’ve followed me. And that just means so much to me that you like my writing, and or me as a person enough to keep following me. From Xion, to my first OC blog, then to my remake when I had to. You’ve been just an awesome friend. And lemme just say this for the record, your art is top notch and anyone who hasn’t seen Mekky’s art needs to take a looksie and just check it out. Go commission her!

@steelbanchou - What can I say? Our meeting was short lived, as you have quickly gone from stranger I just met this year, to one of my most consistent partners that I adore writing with. We share headcanons, ideas, the thrill of throwing the dash into despair together, man. Where have you been all my life? You’ve just made your way up my friend ladder and into my heart completely. And I don’t know if I ever thanked you properly? But thanks so much for the manga icons! They’re so cute! And thank you so much for sharing all your crops and gifs with me too. I’ve just had a ball these past two months getting to know and write with you. Can you believe it’s only been two months? It feels like we’ve known each other for at least a minimum of a year. That’s how familiar you’ve become to me.

@devilslcg - Ariel!!! My sweet mermaid. Or human. Which ever you wanna be tbh. Just know you’re as sweet as a princess to me. We’ve been friends for a good while now. And I just gotta say, I really enjoy how open you are to like, everything. You’re so well receptive of new and strange situations, I know now that I can come to you with literally any idea, and you’d be down for it. All the sibling stuff!!!! But in reality you’re a chill person who I love to talk to and I hope we continue to be friends.

@leblancbarista​ / @hippestbarista - Willow, Dad. Coffee dad, the slickest, hippest cat barista in town. How are you? I hope you’re well today. I just want you to know that I enjoy our little talks. They’re always so wonderful, so thought filled, and you know how to turn anything into a good time. I love your art, your headcanons, just everything you produce (Producer status?). It’s all taken care of with so much time and thought, from even the littlest details in the headcanons about their movements. Who does that? Not many people, I’ll tell you. But you go the extra mile in literally everything you do and it shows. Your work ethic shows and shines in everything I see. And it’s so wonderful. Thank you for including me and my thoughts/opinions in your work!

@doppiavitas​ - Bri, mom. You’re like the mom of tumblr lbr. You’re always on the move, watching the dash and checking in on people like it’s your day job. From your art to your opinions, you’re fabulous. Just as fabulous as Memory tbh. We should really talk more! Because you’re a wonderful person and we get along swimmingly. I love seeing you on my dash and when you’re writing or drawing. It’s always such a treat because you put so much work into it!

@godsithe​ / @ginjobs - Did you really think I’d make a list of my friends and not put you on it? Dude, you’re by far my best friend. Ever since you started Blitz, we’ve just been joined at the hip. Literally. Wherever I go, you go. Wherever you go, I go. It’s just that simple. And man, lemme tell you. You’ve heard me cry and whine more than anyone else on this site. And not once have you ever faulted me for my feelings, and instead you tried to help me solve my problems. And I am just eternally grateful to you for it. Because you’re literally just a text away for me to contact you. Be it dank memes or anything else, you’re always there for me. And I just --you’re the Junpei to my Hamuko. I think that’s the best way to sum it up.

@narxkami / @dietted / @jxxvas  Okay!!! So like did you know that I still consider us really good friends? (I don’t know how you consider us tbh, I feel as though there’s a huge gap now)You’re a constant on my dash and I love seeing you. You always manage to brighten up my day, no matter what kind of day were having and I just wanted you to know I think about you constantly. Not in that weird way, but in the way of, ‘I wonder how R is doing, and I hope they’re having a great day.’ I’m just happy with all the progress you’ve made since we first met, and you really coming out of your shell.

@alibcba / @fortunatantei / @mystxryious​ - Jazzy Jazz! *plays epic sax music in the bg*. Did you know that you’re like, one of my all time best friends? I love the fact that no matter what time of day it is, no matter what kind of problem I’m having, I can come to you for it. And you’re always ready to comfort me and offer me some of the greatest advice, even if it’s as simple as talking my problems out. And it’s not just me coming to you, I check on you occasionally when I see you’re down or something. And we exchange opinions in a matter of fact and adult like setting. We both have a mature relationship in which we can help each other come to conclusions in clear thought. I have to thank you for being that friend for me. That solid foundation on which I can lean on.

@transiens​ -CHRIS. Everybody Hates Chris Did you ever think I’d make a list without putting you on it? Dude, you’ve been my friend for ages now. I can’t even remember how we met, but it was great. Because I got one of the best friends out of this random encounter possible. From dank memes to serious talks, you’re always there for me. Plus??? You know nearly every single fandom I do and we have wonderful AU’s built off of that shared knowledge. Dude, you’re like half my childhood in one person. All of the amazing parts, that is. I just want you to know you’re like one of the coolest people I’ve ever met and I love having you as a friend.

@venmago​ -Sachi! I know you’re busy and probably won’t see this until later, but I want you to know I adore you! I know you’ve been worried about your activity lately and trying to keep me and everyone else happy. But like I’ve told you before, it’s okay! Take your time with everything that you’re doing because I know you have a lot on your plate and that you work more than Yousuke right now. But lemme just say I love your writing, and you as a person for all the effort and passion you put into everything you do. I know Yousuke isn’t one of the more popular Persona characters, and everyone treats him as a joke, but you take him seriously and it’s wonderful. I love it. Please keep rocking at your own pace so you don’t tire out!

And now!!! For some blogs who I don’t know very well, but would like to! You’re all wonderful human beings who have made my experience here a pleasant one!

@whtct, @blkcts, @ilcomplice, @greendreambro, @inxquisitor, @sweetpvnk, @crossedscar, @goofyfacade, @sensortype, @hxpeiing, @homosinger, @akuromic​ / @pxgtails​, @starpcff​, @dojiikko​, @deathfortune​, @banchokun​, @truthchaser​, @tukibowaba​ / @shrineguardian​, @picarexque​, @worldofthefool​, @phantomled​, @diamondkaito​, @pillcger0ftwilight​, @desbearer​, @lamentis​, @rationalclover​, @herluck​ / @deathgave, @smokefumed​, @rcbelskull​, @souseta​, @telekinetiq​, @maidlove​, @purseona​, @tearsdivine​, @shotimc​, @ophantasma​, @dolgelo​, @aragakisan​, @foolspartner​, @chxntpleure​, @chosemercy​, @childrenswar​, @crookedtie​, @kyuubcy​, @crossxskulled​, @amagiggled​, @amxgii​, @pvssywhipped, @frcidyne, @backstagebaae, @skcll, @kingressentiment, @solisnumen

[eddy1895]

Hahah watching some LGBT movies..

So far I've gotten to Handsome Devil.

AHHH ANDREW GARFIELD IS A RANDOM ASS CHARACTER HHHHHHHH. But also it's really good so far. I'm gonna rate every single fucking lgbtq+ movie on Netflix and then I'll move onto a different platform until I find the bestest boy.

Spoiler warning bb!! Go watch Handsome Devil is on Netflix! (It's mostly me screeching and then the review is at the bottom) all of which is definitely probably spoilers.

Handsome Devil- First of all Andrew Garfield isn't taking assholes shit!! Good good boy! AHH PUNK BOY GOOD BOY. PLZ ANDREW DON'T BE WIERD BE A GOOD FATHER FIGURE AHHH YUSSS. Agressive boy good at rugbyyy? "Are you gay?" Secret passageways. Secret room with funky music. They are playing guitar together?? Cute. ANDREW GARFIELD UR DA BEST. GOOD TEACHER BOY. TEACH THEM GEETAR. UGH UR REALLY GONNA SAY THAT COACH. YES ASK HIM ON A DATE TO UR GAME BB. Oop he found out he's a homo. ANDREW GARF IS GAY AT THE GAY BAR. THEY ARE AWKWARDLY TALKING TO EACH OTHER. THEY ARE FAKING THE NOT HOMIESEXUAL. big bruh moment. I knew it. He's gay. Father son relationship but gay edition. Lovingly looking into his face. Uh oh he's not doing well at rugbyyy. What is that dog metaphor tho?? You dumb bitch beIN mean. He's not having gay sex with a teacher you dumb whoreee. I swear if you get rid of AG ILL BEAT UR ASS. YELL AT ME AG YELL AT ME TO SING LOUDLY AT MY PARTNER. STOP BEING MEAN TO DEM GAYS. OH MY GOD PLZ DONT threaten my boy? Ur as cold as ice? Why is that playing? Plz don't sacrifice Ned for not being revealed. Don't let urself be alone Ned. Ahhhh oh no cum onn. Conner you motherfucker your just letting him fail. Ffs. Where the fuck is this setting? Gross don't whisper in his ear like that though??plz don't fight. No don't put him in that position. Ouch that hurted man. It's okay Ned. He put the border back up :(((. Wtf how dare you out him Ned. I know u mad but that's the fuckin worst. Imma beat your ass. Oh my God Andrew ur gonna make me cry that's some fucking wisdom. Where TF IS CONNOR WHERE'D HE GOOO? oh no. AG don't be sad. Let him find his boyfriend fuckwads. YOU TELL HIM AG YOU TELL HIM. yesss ned. So like his parents r just gonna let him leave the car? They aren't worried?? Wtf. Eat shit coach bitch. AG is angsty stooooop. Runawayyy. He found his boy! Redemption Ned. Get him to play rugby for you. Preach bro. Fuck that coach he's a fuckin prick. You don't deserve to tell someone you can't be heard. DETERMINATION BITCH he's. Actually sucha. Good boy. AGs bf!! Arthur yes. Brilliant. The music! The drama! So good. He's so good at sports. Ned realizes his mistake!! The coach realizes his mistakes! Its over. So good so good!

THINGS ID LIKE TO CLARIFY: Ned is not gay I assumed he was which was wrong. but I am keeping the reactions just because they were raw in the moment and I don't want to change them. As well as a smaller note Conor's name is spelled with one N I'm just a dumb fuck.

Rep: pretty good. There was 3 canonically gay people? (Conor, Mr. Sherry and Mr. sherrys boyfriend Arthur.) There wasn't a moment I thought it was fetishising at all which is good.

Message: important. Being out an proud is amazing being comfortable with who you are. Its amazing. Conor wanted to be true. He wanted to speak with his voice. Mr. Sherry had an inspirational speech to Conor of it being okay. Although he wanted to come out sometimes you can't and that is absolutely okay. Like he said it's okay.

Acting: Impeccable it's good shit and I'm happy I watched it. The punch looked fake tho... As if that's really important.

Story: yum good stuff I'd say the part where Ned outted Conor wasn't great but he mentioned feeling bad about the incident. But also it kind of puts out the message that it's okay to out someone because they wanted to be out anyways in a good light?? Which is terrible. There's some parts that were hard to follow. Like I don't know the settings and such.

Slurs: 1 (not counting the times noises or the word gay being used as an insult)

Age: Highschool type.

TV rating: Mature

Smut scenes: 0 (thankfully)

Personal review outta 10: 7.56

A final note: It's good I enjoyed it! Watch it my friend! I might add to the review as time goes on as I think about it in the future as well as when other reviews come along.

#lgbtq+ movie ratings #imma be a movie critic. #first post of many #Ed's Monday movie review #I think Mondays are my prime days for these reviews so get hyped! #plz talk to me about da movie I don't wanna feel alone about this lmao #Handsome Devil

That's all folks.♡(˃͈ દ ˂͈ ༶ ) (This was tiring and I'm hyped for next week!)

[ulrichfoester]

Breaking up with Alcohol and Stepping into a Clear Life

Cecily Mak shares her personal journey and paradigm shift around the role of alcohol in her life.

“Whatever you do, don’t tell people you don’t drink. They’ll think you’re weird.”

Last night I attended an international boarding school reunion at a lovely rooftop venue on Park Avenue in New York City. I was among approximately 75 people of many ages, diverse backgrounds, and exotic nationalities, our experiences at a Swiss boarding school at some point in the last seven decades being the thread that tied us all together. I attended the reunion alone and knew nobody.

It’s always interesting to experience these types of events as a non-drinker. Whether it is a professional networking happy hour, a school fundraiser, a milestone celebration, or any of the many other types of professional or social gatherings comprised of mostly strangers there to meet, connect, exchange, possibly meet again, alcohol is almost always the common theme. Let’s face it: Alcohol is an excellent lubricant. A drink or more makes these events easier and often more fun. Our inhibitions lessen. We’re less intimidated by the unknown. We’re more likely to introduce ourselves, open up, share contact information, and sometimes more.

I’ll admit it: Though I still enjoy them, it is harder to attend heavily anonymous social or professional events without alcohol. It takes work to move through a crowd and meet strangers without the alcohol buffer. It’s often awkward to order a non-alcoholic drink and reassure the person asking “Yes, I’m sure, just a sparkling water for me, please.”

It’s also a little more tiring. A couple of hours is usually my limit. I meet the people. I do the things. I listen to the talk/toast. I exchange contact info. I have interesting conversations. Then, I’m finished. I’m thinking about getting enough sleep to be up and out the door for a run at 6am, not where we are all going to go to get some late night food and a nightcap (salty pizza and a double Oban with one rock being my historical favorite).

I am a regular at these gatherings and have been for most of my life. I was trained at a young age how to host and attend with style, grace, and just the right amount of drink. Starting in high school, carrying on through college, a brief chapter as a model in LA, three years of law school, three years at a law firm, seven years as a music lawyer, six years as a Silicon Valley executive, and now as a new entrant in the blockchain/venturing industry, I consistently attend a multitude of gatherings that include alcohol as a focal point, an essential part of the experience. A whisky tasting with colleagues in Dublin. Dinner followed by karaoke with the new team in Tokyo. Cocktails at the end of a grueling two-day offsite in Brooklyn. A wine tasting at high end Italian restaurant in Las Vegas. These are a few of the things I’ve attended without drinking alcohol, just in the last seven months.

I can then layer in the personal life experiences: twelve years (so far) as a mother with many wine-loving fellow-mom friends, eleven years as a professor (almost always hosting a round of drinks after our evening classes), and a fifteen-year long relationship with a DJ/burner/creative (imagine it and it probably happened). I’ve had my share of social and professional drinking and partying. I’ve delighted in the boozy client dinners, the champagne-soaked baby showers, the big nights out on the town with rockstars, endless day-night-days at Burning Man, sloppy family holidays, girls weekends galore, and plenty of amazing pinot noir tastings in spectacular environments with fascinating people.

If I’m honest with myself (and I’m getting better and better at this every day), I was headed in the wrong direction with alcohol when I decided to stop drinking almost two years ago. My years of “use” and enjoyment purely for enjoyment’s sake were behind me. I had evolved to a place in which I was (ab)using alcohol to dull, tolerate, to avoid, to endure. Lucky for me, I was inspired to stop before this (ab)use progressed further, possibly descending me into the grips of addiction and depression I witnessed take my mother’s life.

Choice Day, September 1, 2017 (photo by R. Dragonfly)

A gifted therapist I started to see several months after stopping, primarily to help me understand alcohol culture and some of the changes I am experiencing in embracing a sober life, has helped me put some terminology around this all. He tells me there are three levels of drinkers: users, abusers, and addicts/alcoholics. I was a bit disoriented in the beginning of my alcohol-free journey and needed some structural guidance, language-wise. I never felt like an alcoholic. I never had a DUI, I never went to rehab or needed AA. I just stopped only to realize my life is better without it. I also knew I wasn’t just a casual user either. I was drinking at least a little almost every day and probably more than I should have on some days. There were certain things I couldn’t imagine doing, people I wouldn’t see, places I didn’t want to go without a context-appropriate beverage in hand. And there were certainly mornings I awoke annoyed with myself for not drinking less the night before. But I had grown up and matured as an adult surrounded by loved ones, a social life, and a professional ecosystem that assured me that this was all just fine, normal in fact.

After a few conversations, we concluded that I was abusing alcohol when I decided to stop. This was more than casual use and not as serious as an addiction or alcoholic label. I was (ab)using alcohol to cope with a heartbreaking time in my life, to escape, to avoid, but not to celebrate. It took me some time to accept this. What I was doing for almost the entirety of my adult life didn’t look like abuse or a problem of any kind, it looked like what most of my friends and family were doing: a cocktail or two after work, wine with dinner, the occasional beers on the beach, the meandering afternoon-into-evening in wine country, mimosas with weekend brunches. In fact, many friends and a couple of family members have tried to talk me out of this seemingly austere decision. “You didn’t seem like you had a problem.” “I never saw you drunk.” “Are you sure you are choosing not to drink for the right reasons?” (This last one is particularly puzzling to me. Another post, another day.)

It all looked “normal” but I was drinking just enough to dial the volume of my inside screams down, calm my pounding heart, sometimes get to sleep. I was getting to a place of needing to drink to transition from work-mode to home-mode, from chore-mode to entertain-mode, from bedtime routine-mode to chill out on the sofa mode. I often felt I couldn’t really relax, socialize or be fun without a little kickstart. In some of the harder, final months of my marriage (and habitual drinking), I recall not even wanting to eat dinner with my family until I’d had a cocktail. Though it seemed normal and harmless enough, this meant less presence, less connection, less consciousness, less health, all things I celebrate and rejoice in today.

So, how and why did I stop?

It was pretty spontaneous. I’d met a few women in the years leading up to my own decision (my “Choice Day”) who inspired me. One was a new mom who didn’t want to be buzzed, ever, around her daughter. Another was an overworked executive who quit one day and discovered a love for running that has evolved into a thriving fitness-for-urbanites business. Another radiates health and attributes her clear eyes, glowing skin, and regular meditation practice to living alcohol-free.

I made the decision to stop in an unexpected and unplanned moment of shock and awe. I awoke before dawn on September 1, 2017, and knew in the core of my being that it was The First Day of the Rest of My Life. The previous thirty-six hours were a neon-lit array of events and circumstances that, strung together, confirmed once and for all that my marriage was over. I was in the middle of the desert at Burning Man, surrounded by thousands, profoundly alone, surprisingly at peace, and with great trepidation peeking over the edge of the other side of The Continental Divide of My Life. In this moment, I was reminded by a loved one that I needed to be as crystal clear and present as possible for at least the next thirty days. Decisions I knew I was going to be making and communications I knew I would be initiating would impact my children, my health, my finances, my community, my career, my family, and more for years to come. I knew that in order to make sure that this all unfolded as harmoniously as possible, I needed to be completely present (sober) in every moment. I didn’t want to look back on a single regrettable text, conversation, signature or kiss. There was no room for being blurry or loose. This was the time to be sharp, clear, feeling, and present.

It was surprisingly easy. I am very fortunate. I have not struggled to not drink. I haven’t needed AA, rehab, or any other medical/psychological support in making this profound change in my life. (That said, I can’t imagine having navigated these seas without the bright lights in love, friendship, and support from many amazing people I’ve been beyond blessed to journey with. Again, another post for another day.) I never went through withdrawals, battled cravings, or questioned my decision. In fact, I tell people all the time, I’ll have a drink when I want one. I just haven’t (and now that it’s all out of my system and I am fully embracing what I’ve affectionately called ClearLife, I doubt I ever will).

Cecily’s sons at Stinson Beach, Christmas 2018.

After thirty days, the positive impact on my life was so profound in so many ways, I started another month, and another. Sleep was deep and uninterrupted. My skin, eyes, and posture lit up. I started running early in the morning before work. I mastered my finances. My mind sharpened. My heart opened. I started to write again. Anxiety and fear withered into a memory. I have grown to be more comfortable with touch and eye contact with loved ones. I lost almost twenty pounds. Things that had been on a rolling to-do list for years were crossed off, energy freed up. Most importantly, what felt like a loving and functional relationship with my sons has evolved into a deeply powerful bond of mutual respect, understanding, and awe that I hadn’t fully experienced pre-ClearLife. And somehow there is no more yelling, anywhere. There was for a while, including between my sons and me.

In months three and four (the 2017 holiday season) there were a few evenings when I chose to consciously drink, experiment, yet these experiences were only affirmative; I was finished. The last drink I had was on December 29, 2017. There was a home-cooked steak dinner, a raging fire in a handsome fireplace, wonderful conversation, and peaceful sleep, but none of this was made any better by the cocktails or wine. Not knowing it was the last of the last, looking back, it was a beautiful way to say goodbye to what was no longer going to serve me.

Simply put, my life is better without alcohol. I could not be more grateful for the awakening, strength, and self-awareness that has empowered me to make perhaps the biggest decision and shift to date. And my kids are growing up with one parent who lives a pretty awesome and fun life, but doesn’t drink. I never had that example in my own childhood.

I don’t bring it up, but at events like last night’s reunion, sometimes it does come up in social settings. When I ultimately tell people that I don’t drink, most ask if I had a problem. Common responses include:

“Oh wow. Do you do anything or are you completely sober? Nothing?!”

“So, are you an alcoholic?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. What happened? Are you ok?”

“For how long? Is it forever?”

“Wow! I could never do that.”

Funny, alcohol is the only drug we need an excuse to not be taking.

So it was interesting when I was at the alumni gathering last night and one of the first (and only) people I spent much time talking to was a seventy-something year old man who also doesn’t drink. He’d just finished the Boston Marathon and was more fit and bright-eyed than most of my forty-something friends. We spent almost a half an hour talking about our common education experiences, marathons, travel, our careers, and how to stay healthy into and through our 70s when we stumbled into the “I don’t drink either” part.

“Whatever you do, don’t tell people you don’t drink. They’ll think you’re weird.”

This was thought-provoking. He went on to explain that he dodges the topic in his busy social and professional circles by being the life of the party and generally not getting into a discussion about alcohol if asked. (Meanwhile I’m wondering how he could possibly leave this detail out if answering questions about his health and fitness at his age.)

I’m driven to help shift this. I’d love to live in a place and time when it isn’t weird or stigma-inviting to not drink alcohol. There is a movement underway, somewhat reminiscent of what happened to Big Tobacco. Younger people are drinking less. The mocktail (or “zero-proof drink”) industry is exploding. The stigma associated with not drinking seems to be fading, despite the marketing muscle behind trying to keep us going. A growing list of celebrities are publicly opting out of the booze. We are spending billions of dollars a year on improving health through diet and exercise, but neutralizing all of this time and money spent with a steady dose of ethanol.

I don’t want my (our) kids to feel like they have to drink to have fun, be fun, or fit in. I also want to be able to talk about this if asked without inviting or suggesting judgment either way. So, here’s a baby step. Maybe if more of us are more open about our choices around alcohol (and there is a growing number of us!) we’ll be less weird over time.

—

See the original post by Cecily Mak on Medium.com.

Breaking up with Alcohol and Stepping into a Clear Life published first on https://familycookwareshop.tumblr.com/

[booksbroadwaybbc]

Rejection, but not by the boyfriend via /r/selfimprovement

Rejection, but not by the boyfriend

Four years ago, I graduated from college with a Bachelors degree. Pride and happiness were not what I had felt; only relief.

The first year of college had been well, nothing to write home about. One of my most dear and close friends from school was a classmate. I loved her and loved spending time with her. She was the quiet, introverted, relatively broad-minded and simple kind. She had her flaws but they were well within the limit of tolerance. As it occurs with everyone at the ages of 19 and 20, one goes through a period of development. She became more and more confident, independent and assertive. No one would have pegged her for an introvert anymore! I was happy for her at first.

I, on the other hand, went towards the other end of the spectrum - withdrawn, uninspired, irritated, annoyed, forgetful, tired; signs of depression setting in. I could not understand what was going wrong. I lost any and all motivation and the desire to study, my class performance took a sharp decline. I was mocked by professors (who were not good teachers at all; I did not miss out on any valuable mentorship) because they thought I had become a careless student, lost interest in most things and thus, falling out of touch with popular culture to even carry out superficial conversations. Simple things became complicated, like reaching out to friends, planning for academic improvement etc. My apathy as well as silent cry for attention had reached its peak. My social life, as a result, suffered dismally. People started disliking me and avoiding me. It was a vicious cycle - not reaching out, being ignored, becoming more withdrawn. I started noticing all the negative new developments in my 'best' friend and unfortunately, instead of confronting her in a safe manner, I resorted to jibes and indirect rude remarks. I don't know how she exactly perceived me, whether she thought, just like the professors, that I was becoming careless and unwilling or she was curious about what exactly was happening to me. In the midst of all that, I spoke ill about harmless people because I did not think that my behavior was utterly wrong. In my three years of college, I have retained not one single friend, actively hurt five or six people by being my worst self (I apologized to couple of them because I knew it was horrible what I had done; but things were never same and I had made my peace with that). The last day of college ended with me going home and seeing pictures of a night out of the friend and other classmates the next day on Facebook. It didn’t help that my dating life/love life was less than stellar.

I took a better decision for my graduate studies and moved to a new city. A fresh start and a breather. My life improved instantaneously and exponentially! Now I have a steady boyfriend who adores me and friends I can send hello’s to whenever without feeling awkward. I will be moving to a new continent soon for further studies with many future prospects. I have rekindled my reading habit and many more good things. I am still not the best version of myself yet. I still don’t know the right and mature responses or reactions every time. I still make childish choices! I still have to deal with depression at least once a month. I had to deal with many upsetting scenarios since then. But what I know for sure is that I am leading a much better life than previously and have found out that I love being self-reliant and independent!

At times, though, I get flashes of my undergrad years - the feeling of rejection, the inability to not care about that one girl even now and not wonder what she is doing now in life. A lot of my lack of confidence stems from these thoughts that hold me back; they make me think that if I bump into her, she’ll still think of me like how I was 4 years ago. In reality, I have no commonality with my then closest friend anymore, I couldn’t possibly be bothered to sit down and have a chat with her! Yet the underlying need for validation remains. In these moments, I cannot help but compare that I will always be two steps behind her, and some of the classmates in my career. How does one let go of these thoughts and feelings? I have no desire to reach out to her (I can’t, even if I wanted to, because I have been blocked by them on Facebook!). I want to end this chapter, move forward and not let my past dictate my upcoming future. How does one do all of that with bravery?

​

TLDR: Bad experience in college with studies and peers. Did not recognize signs of depression. Four years have passed and still not over being rejected by then special people. Life has improved a lot since then but this little itch has not yet been scratched away!

Submitted September 21, 2018 at 03:00PM by chanardhoka via reddit https://ift.tt/2Nuzctu

[dosessndmimosass]

:(

You know what I think we are most afraid of? Not knowing. Not knowing whether it’s all really worth it. Not knowing if you should give up or keep fighting. Not knowing why you do the things you do; not knowing the purpose. It’s like when you’re little and you touch the stove and get burned because you didn’t know that it was hot. Not knowing has always hurt us, from the every beginning.

On my birthday I always remind myself that I’ve made it through another year and that I’ve beaten the voice that says I shouldn’t be here but on my birthday I always feel a little bit lonely because three hundred and sixty five days have passed and I am still disappointed with what life has shown me.

It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply.

I am filled with the crippling fear that I am never going to accomplish anything in life and fail miserably.

The true mark of maturity is when somebody hurts you and you try to understand their situation instead of trying to hurt them back.

Nostalgia is denial - denial of the painful present.

I am not in a good place.

I’m not close to many people anymore.

Maybe I’m better off alone because no one has ever loved me the way I love them and I have never felt like anyone wants me or needs me at all I just hope that people stop using me and start really loving me for who I am and not what I do for them.

I have done bad things. I can’t take them back, and they are part of who I am. Most of the time, they seem like the only thing I am.

Maybe it was really my fault.

Life is impossible.

There are some things about myself that I can’t explain to anyone. There are some things I don’t understand at all. I can’t tell what I think about things or what I’m after. I don’t know what my strengths are or what I’m supposed to do about them. But if I start thinking about these things in too much detail, the whole thing gets scary. And if I get scared, I can only think about myself. I become really self-centered, and without meaning to, I hurt people. So I’m not such a wonderful human being.

Everything is so temporary.

I act and react, and suddenly I wonder, where is the girl that I was last year? Two years ago? What would she think of me now?

Sometimes I don’t know what I fear, what I desire: whether I feared or desired what had been or what would be, and precisely what I desired, I don’t know.

I hope that I would be alive when the day comes that all of these things finally make sense.

I wonder how many times you’ve compared me to her.

When you start liking pain, things start to get interesting.

Your voice is a bird whisper.

A thought is a hard thing to control.

I just want to live a life worth writing down.

The calm, Cool face of the river Asked me for a kiss.

How do you define yourself?

Kind of got los

I want all my secrets back - Six Word Story

Each time you read a book, a tree smiles knowing there’s life after death.

There’s something about sunday night that really makes you want to kill yourself.

I’m too careless. I don’t put out enough effort.

Be with someone that requires you to grow, makes you forget your problems, holds your hand, likes to kiss, appreciates art and adores you.

My only relief is to sleep. When I’m sleeping, I’m not sad, I’m not angry, I’m not lonely, I’m nothing.

Everyday I discover more and more beautiful things. It’s enough to drive one mad. I have such a desire to do everything, my head is bursting with it.

I either eat too much or starve myself. Sleep for 14 hours straight or have insomniac nights. Fall in love very hard or hate passionately. I don’t know what grey is. I never did.

i want to move to a small apartment by myself in a new city and i want to decide which furniture i want and what i want for dinner and whether or not i want to stay out all night and i want to travel and meet new people and fall in love and go have my own adventures because i’m sick of this washed-up place filled with annoying people

all i wanna do is make art and discover new music and make up my own recipes and read books and explore the fucking world but i can’t because i’m stuck in this theory that everyone has to go to school to get an education to get a job to get money to send their kids to school so that they can do the exact same thing and i think that’s about 70% of the reason why i’m sad

When the blood of your veins returns to the sea and the dust of your bones returns to the ground, maybe then will you remember that this earth does not belong to you, you belong to this earth.

Sometimes we get sad about things and we don’t like to tell other people that we are sad about them. We like to keep it a secret. Or sometimes, we are sad but we really don’t know why we are sad, so we say we aren’t sad but we really are.

I have this weird theory that some people are drawn to each other because their atoms were near each other when the universe was created and over time the same atoms keep coming back together

Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view again.

do you ever go through those phases where you just don’t feel like talking to anyone for a few days and it’s not because you’re mad or anything you just don’t feel like talking

I was starting to recover. But then you looked at me again.

I’m very perfectionistic and very lazy, which is a terrible combination.

I just hope that one day—preferably when we’re both blind drunk—we can talk about it.

Everyone promises forever until they find someone better. tired of not sleeping I drink too much because I think too much. what if your plants want to kill themselves but you keep on watering them? - Dream Diary I just want to go on more adventures. Be around good energy. Connect with people. Learn new things. Grow. 
 Make out with me in an art gallery. tired of every day being so much effort Can’t you tell I’m in love with you? I’ve loved you every minute of every day of every month that I’ve know you. It’s like no matter how hard I try to get you out of my head. It’s no good. I want to visit bookshops and music stores en coffeeshops with you. I want to talk to you every second of the day. I want to watch movies with you and cuddle and cook for you. I want to tell you how perfect you are. I want to let you know how I feel. I learned that people can easily forget that others are human It’s 3am and I am scared my heart is racing and my stomach is about to burst When I love, I love with passion. I am a storm in the middle of the night, not a gentle afternoon rain. I am not graceful, I stumble over my emotions. I hate this about myself. I want to feel less, expect less, love less. I want to let go before I exhaust you. Don’t let me. Don’t ever let me go. tired of trying so hard but still not being good enough for anyone ever tired of never really being wanted It’s so cute how you thought I would be ok. Because right now, I am the farthest thing from ok and every single second of my never ending misery is all your fault. I hope that one day you read this and scream.3 i’m just tired. I’m below average.

Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.

I want to do things with my life but I also want to bury myself in a forest and let the moss grow over me so where does that leave us.

My mind is most at peace by the ocean.

I’m scared as hell to want you. But here I am, wanting you anyway.

I always feel like I’m struggling to become someone else. Like I’m trying to find a new place, grab hold of a new life, a new personality. I guess it’s part of growing up, yet it’s also an attempt to reinvent myself. By becoming a different me, I could free myself of everything. I seriously believed I could escape myself- as long as I made the effort. But I always hit a dead end. No matter where I go, I still end up me. What’s missing never changes. The scenery may change, but I’m still the same old incomplete person. The same missing elements torture me with a hunger that I can never satisfy. I guess that lack itself is as close as I’ll come to define myself.

I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself.”

do you ever just feel so fucking scared of nothing

Even on bad days, I’ll still be happy with you.

Children must be taught how to think, not what to think

You should look at everything as a piece of art.

I know you and I are not about poems or other sentimental bullshit, but I have to tell you, even the way, you drink your coffee knocks me the fuck out.

Ever since school started there hasn’t been 1 day when I haven’t been tired.

Every time someone speaks your name, I still feel the same, I ache, I ache, I ache inside.

Secretly, I fear life.

Writing isn’t the same as speaking, I struggle with conversation.

There is nothing prettier than a city at 5am with it’s empty streets and cold wind.

I felt too much, he didn’t - Six Word Story

How beautiful would it be to find someone who’s in love with your mind.

It scares me to death to think that one day I might look back into my life and realize that I lived it painfully ordinary.

Life’s too short to drink crappy coffee and cry over boys who don’t care.

I don’t want to care but I do.

Alcohol tasted better than you, anyway - Six Word Story

A photograph is the pause button of life.

Like rain, I fell for you. R In 20 years I won’t remember today; that scares me.

Definition of unrequited love: It’s like drowning but you just won’t fucking die.

I never felt like I belonged anywhere except for when I was laying in my bed, pretending to be somewhere and someone else.

I wonder who’s arms would I run and fall into if I were drunk in a room with everyone I have ever loved.

The sadness will last forever

when i was little i would of never thought i’d grow up to hate myself this much

You only love me when you're lonely

I don’t know if I am actually okay or not but I know I will be and it’s okay if I’m not right now.

It is early monday morning and I am in pain.

And I am bored to death with it. Bored to death with this place, bored to death with my life, bored to death with myself.

There are all types of love in this world but never the same love twice.

I want so much that is not here and do not know where to go.

I look for you in everyone - Six Word Story

How stupid of me; to think I was the only flower in your garden.

I wish I could throw off the thoughts which poisons my happiness.

I want your stupid fucking sense of humor making me laugh at 4am when I have to be up at 6.

Directly, or indirectly, everything we write is for someone.

We all have this perfect picture in our minds of how things are supposed to be and that’s why we all end up being disappointed.

I like art and by art I mean music, poetry, sex, paintings, the human body, literature.

I think it’s important that people don’t feel alone

Not a day goes by that I have not thought of you

Who lives sees, but who travels sees more

Explanation kills art

And I need someone to stop me from drifting

You are probably going to break my heart and I am definitely going to let you

Teach me how to stop questioning my own existence.

I was getting better. I was getting better. then out of nowhere, everything went downhill again. I don’t know what happened.

Beauty without intelligence is a masterpiece painted on a napkin.

My relationship with 3am is the most honest relationship I have had.

The human skin can be hard to live in.

Do animals have less fear because they live without words?

In the world through which I travel I am endlessly creating myself

im annoyed that i dont make time for study, im annoyed that my grades are slipping and im annoyed that there is nobody else to blame but myself

I wish i had like 6 good friends, boys and girls, and we all hung out together, went and got sushi and went to the beach together, and we were all close and knew eachothers secrets

Maybe I’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new.

Who am I? A part of me wants to study in a lovely city, having a cosy apartment which I will share with my boyfriend. A part of me wants to travel the world in an old bus with lots of friends. A part of me wants to be a successful fashion writer, wearing the most extraordinary clothes. A part of me wants to be settled in a beautiful house with cute kids and a nice husband. A part of me wants to be a skater girl in New York, caring about nothing. A part of me wants to be the inner rebel I am, having a lot of piercings and listen to rock music all day. A part of me wants to die, so I'll never have to choose.

I’m in love with your hands and the way you close your fists and the way your fingertips lightly press down onto my thighs or arms. Pale or dainty fingers. Hands writing poems or stories or even parking tickets. To me, every crease on your palm is a love line.

People do not seem to realise that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character.

I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day.

Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows.

Maybe the wolf is in love with the moon, and each month it cries for a love it will never touch.

I didn't know what to say. I felt like crying, goddamnit everybody in the world wants an explanation for your acts and for your very being.

I'm constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me.

I wonder how many times we forgive just because we don't want to lose someone. Even if they don't deserve forgiveness.

The morning came and killed my dreams. Again.

What do you expect me to do, when you don't know what you want?

But don't act different every time I see you, it drives me insane.

I'm too old to play your stupid games, you like me or you don't.

You could never understand.

I need to get away.

If only you knew how terrified I am.

The thought of her hands touching his hair makes me want to vomit.

Sometimes I can't tell if the past really happened

Silence is also conversation.

I desire the things which will destroy me in the end.

I am covered in the memories of you.

So many people know me. I wish I did. I wish someone would tell me about me.

I'd like to be angry with you, but how could I be angry when you are happy? Maybe you are not happy with me, and I wish to god you fucking were, but if you are happy, then I am content.

My downward spiral started when I was like 8.

I'm not sure what I'll do, but, well, I want to go places and see people. I want my mind to grow. I want to live where things happen on a big scale.

I knew it wasn't too important, but it made me sad anyway.

I see you in colors that don't exist.

I act and react, and suddenly I wonder, where is the girl that I was last year? Two years ago? What would she think of me now?

I noticed everything. I just acted like I didn't.

I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn't get it. They may think they get it, but they don't. This is the sign you've been looking for. You were meant to read these words.

I need kisses and alcohol.

Hell is loving you in my sleep and waking up alone.

I want all, that is not mine. I want him, but we're not right.

She loves you more but I’m the one who will put you in a poem. You can stay here forever. It’s clean & warm. You beautiful boy, your fragile brain. Someone like me could keep you some kind of safe.

That’s how you know you love someone, I guess, when you can’t experience anything without wishing the other person were there to see it, too.

Being with you never felt wrong. It’s the one thing I did right. You’re the one thing I did right.

I need to stop falling in love with my idea of people.

It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.

I'm alone in a body that can't love me.

I don't care what you do to me, but I don't want you to hurt me. I've had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough. Now I want to be happy.