#i am the worst gemini ever lmao

[gravehags]

me: i wish i had people to hang out with

friend from cohort: so i’m hosting a summerween party on the 9th—

me:

[spectralsleuth]

Hey if you could do a crossover with each of your AUs with another AU what would you pick

I want to write crossovers all the tiiiime! I am blessed enough to have made friends in the fandom that I can poke awake in their inboxes and ask what-if’s about; but ACTUALLY writing a crossover is a whole other thing. There’s some AU’s I am HUGE fans of, that I don’t think a crossover would with LSoW, or Portal Panic, or Flipside. (Flipside is my nanowrimo project lmao.)

Obviously I wanted to write an Empathy is Learned crossover with @alicat54cwriting, and we did! And it was super fun and I learned a lot. If I had to pick more fandom creators to crossover with:

@amevello-blue Obviously. GiTS and LSoW would be SO FUN and heartbreaking, and we’ve already talked a lot about it and how it would work, but we’re both busy with projects at the moment. But it’s on my dream to-do list for sure if the stars can align. (Mainly me finishing a couple things to give it full attention, because Ame is an absolute beast when it comes to juggling multiple projects. Everyone go read The Mystic Forest AU.)

@tangledinink and me talk about Gemini/LSoW crossovers all the time because we have a disease lol. Anyone who knows him knows he loves playing with our characters like little dolls. Me giving Yoshi eight kids in crossovers seems to be a running theme and also very funny to me; including Venus and Jenni it would be TEN. Man’s life would turn into a SITCOM. But also Yoshi having daughters would be very funny and sweet to me he is such a helicopter Dad, and being faced with what he truly thinks would be the worst case scenario for all of his children would be uhhhhhh. VERY BAD. (And we love 'very bad' in this house.)

(I don't think Kayson would mind me posting a snippet of our convo because we are so smart and correct all the time.)

I also love @mudlarkspur's Catchyou!AU. I think xir Donnie in my AU would be very fun! She's still a kid in the fic (I love their 'assigned girl by gargoyle' Donnie it's very funny and sweet, but xir more grown designs for Donnie and the plot that's to come is super exciting to me, and I think either would be so fun to play with in an AU. Also, the science in this fic I am obsessed with.

I'm not sure if a CROSSOVER with @thedawningofthehour would necessarily work, but they have a lot of OC's and turtles I would love to kidnap and play with. Their world is so rich and well made I feel like I need to study them like student would, it's crazy.

And needless to say a Discord Ronin Admin AU crossover would be just. Clenches fist. So. Perfect. But @melonpalooza is singlehandedly holding the entire crossover multiverse together through sheer force of will, and if our schedules and inspiration ever aligned it would be a miracle.

OBVIOUSLY me twirling my hair and thinking of crossovers is absolutely just introspection and fantasizing, because everyone's schedules are crazy and a lot of fic authors are already (I PROMISE YOU) juggling multiple fics. So nobody go bothering them about it, because I promise you I am NOT shy about contacting people, and chances are I've already gone into their inbox like a shy cat to give them the dead mouse of my AU and already talked about crossovers.

I also have about four different works i really want to get out before more crossing over, because some things like 'The Hidden City Trial' and 'Red King' are pretty integral to understanding how the world of LSoW is going to work moving forward!

If anyone ever wanted to contact ME for a crossover I'd be perfectly fine with it! I've read a LOT of fics in the fandom so you never know what I might have read, and the worst I can say is 'no'. It's the finding time part that's really hard.

Sorry for the long answer! There's just a lot of AU's and fan creators that I'm a huge fan of. ;-;

[heartate]

𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍

BASICS!

(PEN)NAME: rina!! plum is also fine!

PRONOUNS: she / her

ZODIAC SIGN: pisces sun, pisces moon, and like i recently redid my sign chart and apparently i'm a taurus rising not a gemini rising so idk i feel like my entire life is a lie.

TAKEN OR SINGLE: single :)

THREE FACTS!

my mom's side of the family is descended from kings in okinawa :noddy: that makes me a princess!!!!!!

i am the sleepiest girl in the world

i'm bi and i like everyone but unfortunately my taste in men is an elaborate form of self harm

EXPERIENCE!

PLATFORMS USED: quizazz, facebook, tumblr, ffxiv rp in game, discord, and like some sandbox forum that i can't remember.

PLOTTING / WINGING IT / MEMES: i love plotting... like to get the ball rolling esp for ppl i don't really know. but like this is also more prevalent if we're super good friends tho bc i can talk to you about plots forever LMAO. memes are fun though! sometimes i wing it, but it really depends on the premise / which muse i'm writing. i can wing anything with ahri, but not so much sivir or evelynn.

MUSE PREFERENCE!

GENDER: i used to write like . . . men and women equally, but now i write exclusively women LMAO i just love hot powerful women i'm so sorry KJBSDKCB BUT like hidan, nnoitra, trevor belmont, and whatever other naruto characters i wrote are very dear to me.

MULTI OR SINGLE: i can't run multimuses. i have the brand of adhd where i need everyone on single blogs. as for shipping, i'm multi ship and multiverse and nothing overlaps. i only ship with one version of any muse, usually, unless we're friends, but i'm not open to other ezreals or kayns. sorry!

LEAST FAVOURITE FACECLAIM(S): i'm tired of looking at nina dobrev i'll be so real KJBSKJBD

FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT!

FLUFF: i do love me some slice of life n fluffy shit like it's soooo cute like skjdcs ahri deserves to be happy! LIKE. KAYNHRI AND EZHRI FLUFF JUST GET ME SOOOOO GOOD.

ANGST: hi i love angst i crave it sometimes i just want to cause problems for everyone

SMUT: um i don't really care for writing it too much like first i just hated it and wanted nothing to do with it bc like some 20+ year old women traumatized me when i was like 11-12 LMFAOOOO but i write it in ffxiv in game for gil and i usually dread it because sometimes i get the worst ppl ever hiring me or someone says something cringe like ' do you like my cock my little bunny slut ' and it makes everyone's coochie shrivel up but like i suppose i could be convinced but otherwise i'd prefer to fade to black, if we're shipping but not close <3 and this requires a minimum of 3 years of friendship to try to convince me to write smut with u sorry LMFAOOOO

tagged by: i'm a thief

tagging: everyone!!!!!!! if u see this tag you're it sorry no take backs

[zodiac-psychology]

Astro Observations Pt. II 🛰

Disclaimer: I am not a professional astrologer. These are simply based on my own experiences and observations. Feel free to let me know what you think.

Libra in the 6th house or Mars in the 7th house can be prone to acne

Taurus placements can be such social media stalkers lmao. The type to lurk on your page 24/7,but you wouldn‘t ever suspect them,since they seem so non chalant or unbothered. 🕵🏽‍♀️

Taurus men are the silent and mysterious men at the club, who don‘t even have to try to get the girls. The girls throw themselves at THEM.

** bonus point: they‘re extremely protective. If they have Cancer Moon/Mars or Venus combined,you got yourself a bodyguard lmao. They don‘t play about their loved ones😤

You have to earn a smile of a Earth dominant person. They won‘t just hand their smiles out for free.

You know those ppl who can‘t get the to point or will tell 12719 other stories,trying to tell 1? The one who will forget mid-sentence what they were even talking about the last 30mins? Yeah,that‘s your Pisces Mercury friend . Their thoughts are like: 🧶 we love u tho!!

Gemini placements are the best self-entertainers. The type to have whole conversations with their multiple personalities in their head and have the time of their lives lmaoo. You probably catch them giggling randomly & when you ask them why,they‘re like: „Oh it‘s nothing😏🙊“

Cancer Sun,Moon and Venus are the type of ppl to ask if you‘ve eaten and make sure you‘re fed🥺

The most protective signs imo are Aries,Taurus,Cancer,Scorpio, and Leo🥊🥊 **honorable mention: Capricorn

Never have I ever met a Libra man who will communicate why they want to break off contact instead of just ✨ghosting✨

Most Aquarius placements hate to be touched. Especially by strangers. It feels awkward to them. My Aquarius friend barely tolerates being kissed by her boyfriend lol. Physical touch seems to be their least favorite love language.

A Taurus however… honey, they will be ALL OVER YOU 24/7 if (!!!) they like you.

All men seem to be uncomfortable to establish a relationship,if they haven‘t reached their most important goals in life yet,but Capricorns are the worst when it comes to this. They have to tick everything off their To-Do List,before they even think about it like: 📋 money✔️ 📋 own car✔️ 📋 perfect body✔️ 📋own place✔️ lol

[perplexities]

What are ur top 3 faves and top 3 worstie zodiqc signs❤( lets count ur scorpio and sag as the bonus 4rd and 5rd of the fave ones)

* lowkey hoping u dont know my signs so u can put them on ur worsie list so we can fight*

omg queen u always send me the best asks abt astro <33 tysm for this! okay obvi excluding scorpio and sag bc Duh. they are superior! here’s my list of top 3 fav and worst zodiac signs in detail bc i am a rambling ass bitch.

top 3 best zodiacs

1. it has to be cancer. cancers get a bad rep bc of the manipulation/meanness (which can sometimes be v true lmao) but they are just so superior in every other way. cancers just have the prettiest and most lovely energy tbh. if they love you, they are the most nurturing, protective souls and have an innate ability to connect via emotional means even if they sometimes struggle w their own emotions. im def bias but water signs are superior but cancer men and women are the only ppl who i have felt truly understand me and who i have connected w most on a spiritual level, no matter the period of time i have known them. (s/o to doris, a cancer queen who was my first friend in the nart fandom and now someone i talk to daily and can’t imagine life without) cancer males are also so sjsjxjxjcncn. they frustrate me but i have been able to understand/connect w them within days of meeting them and vice versa. truly scary.

2. pisces! water sign supremacy bitch. pisces individuals radiate a dreamy like quality abt them. they can v sensitive ofc but trust me. there is a strength to them that is undeniable. they are sensitive to theirs and others emotions bc. its just bc they are v intuitive and emotional ppl. so incredibly empathic bc it’s just natural for them! they are so understanding and patient and just generally lovely. also they would literally kill for u. (entirely thinking abt my bff/beta reader sea, who genuinely is one of the best souls i have ever encountered and it’s bc she’s her but also bc she is a PISCES QUEEN)

3. aquarius. so misunderstood. underneath that goofy free spirited and sometimes child like/zoned out demeanour lies a complicated individual. they are v closed off regardless of how open they seem. which i LOVE. it takes a lot for one to truly trust you and be willing to show you all sides of them bc they are truly insane too lmaoooo. as a scorpio, i have nothing but respect/understanding for that! their sense of humour and ability to make ppl love them is just my fav thing ever. they have wonderful energy. (my childhood best friend of like 18 years is an aqua sun and they are EVERYTHING to me. also maczka is an aqua sun and like they are my beloved)

top 3 worst zodiacs

1. libras ahsjsjsjdjxjxn don’t get me wrong. some of most beloved people in my life are libras like my dad, my aunt and a lot of my friends but bro. they make my brain hurt a lot. as a scorpio it’s hard to ignore how superficial they can be. how surface level and their inability to handle the intensity of scorpio. air signs and water signs have totally diff ways of communicating so it’s just easy for me to buttheads with them. also they NEED to be the prettiest ppl in the room and like… im a scorpio??? that’s just not happening if i am also in that room. it’s beef.

2. gemini. I CANT TRUST THEM! as a water sign i just… they move so weird. like don’t get me wrong, there are times where we vibe and they have good qualities but ultimately they are far too two faced for me and switch up waaayyyyy too much. geminis can be v mean too. they are incredibly moody and don’t seem to have loyalty sjsjxnsjjdcnb im sry. just my experience

3. taurus. omg. like literally ALWAYS fighting w them and they annoy me so easily shxhxnxn. not always but most of the time, they hate me and i hate them. they are too surface level and materialistic, while scoprios are just… completely not. they are scorpios opposites and even if there is love there, ultimately, i can never find complete common ground w them. we will never share the same values, and such bc despite them being exactly like scorpio on a lowkey sense, they choose to front like their not. also. we are both too stubborn to get along unless there is extra work put in. and most of the time, it isn’t worth it for either of us to do that!

[maldito-arbol]

Let’s talk about zodiacs and TPN Part 1

This is largely inspired by the fact that I talk about the characters’ zodiacs nonstop in the fanfic I’m working on for my tpn witch au, and I’ve been chortling to myself the entire time about how well some of them fit their sign and how some of them just... don’t. I’m going to simply infodump about each character, their sign, element, and some attributes they fit to a t while others don’t make sense. I will also touch on compatibility for all you shippers out there, don’t worryyy. Now this isn’t at all a critique or review of the characters themselves— I know astrology is not the first thing authors consider when choosing character birthdays, if they even do at all, this is simply me rambling about my hyperfixation and projecting onto fictional characters like we all do.

A couple last notes— one character in particular (cough cough Ray) has a different “canon” birthdate from “actual” so I’ll discuss both. Also, while I will be doing surface level research to make sure I’m not talking out of my ass, im not a professional astrologist, I’m simply a witch with an enthusiasm for zodiacs. Well then, without further ado, let’s talk about the kiddos.

Emma

Birthdate: August 22nd

Sign: Leo

Element: Fire

An overview: The funniest thing to me about Emma is that she’s literally the epitome of a Leo. Fire signs are generally very outgoing and energetic—they talk a lot and tend to be the leaders of the packs. Leos in particular are incredibly admirable and truly know their way around a conversation. If I ever wanted to get stuck in an elevator for 48 hours with no wifi or connection to the outside world and only one random stranger to talk to for the entire duration, I would pick a Leo in a heartbeat. Emma is very much the leader-type, she’s someone everyone pauses and listens to when she calls for their attention, and she always prefers to talk her way out of conflict rather than fight—but not in an underhanded manipulative way, no, Leos are very genuine with their feelings and will be upfront about their reasons for their actions.

Take this scene between Emma and Leuvis for example— this to me is about the closest to perfect of a summary of what Leos are like, and how Emma fits her sign beautifully.

She doesn’t want to fight, but she will if she has to—for the good of her friends and the good of humanity. She can stick to her ideals and yet extend a hand to the enemy anyway. This is what makes Leos such a force to be reckoned with in leadership roles.

Compatibility and ships: I know I know, this is the part you’re most excited about. I’m going to attempt to refrain from sharing my opinion on each ship itself, I will simply point out which have the highest compatibility levels. First of all, essentially all signs are most compatible with 1. Other signs of the same element and 2. Their compliment sign, their elemental opposite.

Since Emma is a fire sign, she’s generally compatible with other fire signs (Sagittarius, Aries, and of course Leo) as well as Air signs (Aquarius, Gemini, and Libra). So speaking broadly, she’s compatible of course with Norman as an Aries, as well as Ray IF he truly is an Aquarius. But if we narrow it down a little bit, I should mention that fire signs being fire signs can often clash with each other because both their energies are so high (personal experience lmao), and therefore their elemental opposite, air, are generally the way to go. Usually you’ll find on astrological charts and sites that Leos are most compatible with Geminis and Aquariuses, so Ray again if he is an Aquarius, and then we bring Violet into the picture because she’s a Gemini. (Uh, speaking as a Gemini, Leos are my favorite people to date, and I always seem to crush on them as well. I have a problem. A Leo problem.) I’m so sorry Gilemma shippers but fire and earth signs are like the worst combo, I don’t know how this happened because I love Gilemma with all my heart. The stars simply did not align for us this time

Norman

Birthdate: March 21st

Sign: Aries

Element: Fire

Overview: okay listen. I didn’t believe Norman was an Aries at first because he’s not as high energy as most fire signs, but then the more I thought about it, the more it just makes sense. The most key trait to an Aries is loyalty. They are so incredibly loyal and caring to the people they love that they often neglect themselves in the process. They can be very quick to anger if someone hurts or insults their friend, and are unafraid to start a fight or commit morally gray or even black actions in service of their loved ones. Point is you don’t mess with an Aries’ family or friends. You will get burned.

All the loyalty applies to Norman so incredibly well—the way that his plans and actions revolve entirely around Emma and Ray, and the way that he sacrifices himself for their escape even though he’s terrified of dying. But even more so this loyalty strikes you in the face when he returns as William Minerva, willing and committed to full on genocide all to keep his friends alive and safe. As I’ve said Aries are quick to anger, which seemingly isn’t very present in cool-headed, thoughtful Norman, but then you remember this:

Look at his expression. Even if he doesn’t easily lose his cool, when he does it’s terrifying. So essentially Norman is a much more subtle Aries— he’s not in your face aggressive or full of energy, but he has all the hidden signs. So yeah, I honestly can’t think of any other sign that describes him better. Norman is an Aries.

Compatibility and ships: being a fire sign and all, Norman’s compatibility is actually very similar to Emma’s. He’s compatible with other Fire signs (Sagittarius, Leo, and Aries) as well as Air signs (Libra, Aquarius, and Gemini). Speaking broadly that makes him compatible with Emma and Ray again, but narrowing it down Aries are much better in general with Libras and Leos so congrats Noremma shippers you won.

Ray

“Canon” Birthdate: January 15th

“Actual” Birthdate: February 5th

“Canon” sign: Capricorn

“Actual” sign: Aquarius

“Canon” Element: Earth

“Actual” Element: Air

Overview: alright Ray is a bit of a mixed bag to unpack. Because it’s been stated that Ray’s January 15th birthday is not his actual birthday outside of the source material, then it’s reasonable for me to count both birthdays because people have different ideas of what’s canon and what’s not. Interestingly enough though, Ray does indeed fit well enough into both the Capricorn and Aquarius signs, however I personally believe one shows through him better than the other.

We’ve been talking about fire signs for Emma and Norman so it’s finally time to dive into two other elements! We’ll start with Capricorn then, the Earth sign. The most important thing to remember is that the Earth signs are the most grounded and practical. If you want someone who can give you logical and rational advice, your best bet would be the Earth signs (Air signs are also good at this but this ain’t about them. Although you will notice some overlap in traits between these two, particularly in Capricorns and Aquariuses).

We can already see the ‘practical’ side show through in Ray by the way he hyperfocuses on taking Norman and Emma to escape but insists on leaving the other kids behind. This isn’t to say he doesn’t feel for them, on the contrary, Earth signs are indeed very in tune with their emotions and empathy, but Capricorns really know how to set that part of them aside in favor of the calm and certain route. They like tangible solutions, things they can grasp with the least amount of risk, and they’re very resistant to changes—like giant rocks. This is also noticeable in how Ray gets so very flustered by Norman and Emma’s impulsivity. He clashes with both of them because Earth signs prefer to take things slow while Fire signs just like to make a leap and hope for the best.

Note how Emma says “not that I mind...” meanwhile Ray is out here going “I MIND!!” Which we learn is because of his identity as the spy. He’s got his own plan and a tangible solution to shoot for, and Norman and his impulsivity and Emma going along with it is messing everything up. Thus, he forcibly retakes control of the situation via making a deal with Norman after the traitor is revealed. Very Capricorn stuff.

And if you want an image that just completely sums up the Capricorn in Ray, here you go:

On the OTHER hand, if we’re to go off Ray’s “actual” birthdate, which was so lovingly calculated by Tempo, then we get Aquarius Ray, the Air sign. The most important things to note about the air signs is that they’re the thinkers—the farthest from impulsive, they’re the least in tune with their emotions, and they are oh so horribly indecisive. Where Earth signs will be able to give advice that adheres to both logic and emotion, Air signs stick purely to logic. Where Earth signs are able to make calm and rational decisions, Air signs will agonize over options and often find themselves lost, searching perpetually for a solution with no cracks in it. Hello. I’m an Air sign. :’))

I’m gonna come right out and say it. I hate Aquarius men. Aquarius women and enby folks, they’re great. But Aquarius men? I may, as a Gemini, get along with them in surface level casual conversation, but behind every Aquarius man’s back is a Mal waiting to strangle him the moment I am given the opportunity. I’m so sorry Ray my son but you are not an Aquarius okay. Alright. Well, let’s just talk about the parts of him that do fit Aquarius.

So from the very start Ray is obviously a thinker, someone who considers his options very carefully before he makes a decision, and someone who hates making choices based solely on emotion. In fact, he hates expressing emotions at all. Aquariuses are very good at repressing or hiding their emotions behind other emotions (most air signs are). The most common way to do this is to put up a wall of either numbness or full-on rage. We can see both in Ray.

Instead of showing vulnerability in a healthy way, he would rather do that. Ok cool Ray.

Aquariuses can also be very quiet people, and Ray’s pretty dang quiet for most of the series too. They’re the intellectuals you know are intellectuals even though they aren’t up in your face about it. Their reserved nature makes them 10x scarier when they’re genuinely angry, because boy can an Aquarius rage.

The thing about Aquarius Ray for me here is that while Ray does indeed have Aquarius energy, it’s not the Core of Ray. To me he’s so much more of an Earth sign, so therefore I diagnose Ray with Capricorn.

Compatibility and ships: ok this is a mixed bag again. Now if you got Aquarius Ray then of course he’s compatible with other Air signs (Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius) and Fire signs (Leo, Aries, and Sagittarius), which would make him compatible with Norman and Emma for sure, as well as probably Ayshe for you Rayshe shippers because my personal HC is Aquarius Ayshe.

If you’ve got Capricorn Ray, then Capricorns are compatible with other earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) and their compliment water signs (Cancer, Pisces, and Scorpio), though they’re best with Cancers and Tauruses. So yes, Anna is a Taurus, which makes Rayanna a compatible pair. But guess who’s a Cancer. Don. ALL MY RAYDON SHIPPERS GET OUT HERE YOU COWARDS IM CALLING YOUR NAME. YOU WIN THE SHIP GAME.

Gilda

Birthdate: May 13th

Sign: Taurus

Element: Earth

Overview: So again with the practical and grounded Earth signs. Tauruses now, are the most stubborn of them, which can be a little irritating at times, but it’s also a great asset when you consider how reliable they truly are. They’re bulls, which makes them solid and difficult to move, and you can always fall back on them when you’ve leapt too far ahead. Gilda is of course the epitome of reliable, and her stubbornness does show through at times—like when she’s the one person against Emma going out into danger all the time, constantly trying to talk her down into a more practical and certain solution. She’s also the first to attempt to bring Emma to see Ray’s side of the escape plan, which is very earth sign of both of them good job guys.

Compatibility and ships: I know I know I’m still upset Gilemma isn’t compatible astrologically but we can talk about other Gilda ships! Tauruses are most compatible with other earth signs (Capricorn, Virgo, and Taurus) and water signs (Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces) which makes her compatible with our other lovely Taurus, Anna! Gilanna shippers unite. But they’re best with Cancers and Scorpios, which means Gildon is is at highest compatibility.

Don

Birthdate: July 4th

Sign: Cancer

Element: Water

Overview: HEY YALL ITS TIME TO TALK ABOUT MY LEAST FAVORITE SIGNS: W A T E R. (I’m sorry my water friends, I’m sure you’re lovely, but as an air sign I am always extremely suspicious of water signs at first meeting because our compatibility is so low it might as well not exist) So the water signs are at the absolute highest emotional level. This can make them extraordinarily kind and nurturing, but it can also make them absolutely unreasonable and destructive. None is this more present than in Cancers, one of the most sensitive signs, but also one of the most empathetic. We can tell very clearly in Don that he wears his emotions on his sleeve—he’s unafraid to cry or show his anger, but he also takes very good care of his younger siblings and shows such an intense concern for them that it can become frightening.

He’s such a good boy 🥺

Compatibility and ships: okay so same drill, Cancers are generally compatible with other Water signs (Scorpio, Pisces, and Cancer) as well as Earth signs (Taurus, Capricorn, and Virgo) though their highest compatibility is with Tauruses and Capricorns. So again. GILDON AND RAYDON SHIPPERS R I S E.

God I’m so sorry if I cause a ship war. I rambled for too long and I’m very tired, so you only get these five characters for now. BUT! That’s why it’s a part 1. If you want more please feel free to harass me in my ask inbox about the characters you want me to overanalyze the signs of. Gemini out!

[cryinginthebackseat]

initials t.c.

Fandom: Open Heart

Pairing: Tobias Carrick x MC

Words: 7.299 (I’M SO SORRY)

Summary: Tobias Carrick makes Claire an offer she can’t refuse.

Warnings: 50% plot, 50% smut, swear-a-thon, blasphemy

Author’s Note: when the book first introduced us to tobias carrick, the first thing that hit my mind was “okay, but that dude is like the carbon copy of jesse williams and that’s hot” but then, once it reveals who he is and what’s his role in the book i went “interestinggggggg” cause you know, i’m a sucker for morally grey characters and all, and i’m not even ashamed to admit it. also, carrick is shaping up to be such an interesting character with each chapter and maybe one day- okay, maybe this sounds like a pipe dream- but one day, i hope he can be a li (let a girl dream plz) lmao

also if anyone’s interested, i made a PLAYLIST to accompany reading the fic.

the title is inspired by serge gainsbourg’s initials bb

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Cast down off heaven Cast down on my knees I’ve lain with the devil Cursed god above Forsaken heaven

To Bring You My Love - PJ Harvey

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 

Whenever Claire thinks about Tobias Carrick, admittedly, unfortunately, tragically, she always thinks about his eyes first before remembering what a colossal pain in the ass he is.

It always comes in that order. Like the number 3 always comes before 4, like the seawater dragging back from the shoreline before a tsunami occurs, like pouring milk before the cereal (she honestly didn’t get what the fuss is about until one day Elijah cried ‘oh, hell no you don’t, satan!‘ one morning and proceeded to give her bullet points why pouring the milk before the cereal is considered a sin and more of an abomination than Nephilims’ existence and that there’s a higher probability that she’s a psycho for being a ‘milk first’ kind of person). So apparently, Claire’s a psycho now which explains so many aspects- but she digresses and the point is, the reaction is uncontrollable and she high-key hates how she can’t control her goddamn mind most of the time.

The point is, she needs to stop thinking about him to begin with. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 

Claire Castelnuovo was born in the summer, under the sign of Gemini. Marilyn Monroe once said that stands for intellect, being a Gemini, but she was too blissfully unaware of this guerdon that she devoted her adolescent years to being outdoors instead. Too many days she spent trampling along the cornfields with her cousins until the skies faded out with brilliant purple-tinged amber and she was carrying a piece of the sun in her skin and smelled like one, stuffing wildflowers inside her boots as she walked around the neighborhood with her dad’s old stethoscope, napping in a hammock with Oasis’ All Around the World on repeat. By the time she hit 15, her black strands had turned brown from repeated sun exposure. She loved it.

But it was a different time, a different place. Somewhere that only exists on the margins of her memories, lost and hidden.

Now, Claire prefers the night.

It’s 9:30 pm when she arrives at a hotel bar in downtown Boston. A newly christened establishment which has somehow become a regular spot for Hemingway’s enthusiasts once the Boston Globe wrote an article about their Hemingway Daiquiri and how, as they wrote it, ‘probably the only place that’s brave and crazy enough to adhere to the 1930s original recipe’ and bourgeois party birds at wee hours during the weekend.

Her eyes are gritty, dry and strange. Her mind’s much worse for the wear- she feels like shit, like in the middle of watching that scene from The Green Mile shit when all is hopeless and you feel like walking out of the theater, but you’ve spent your last savings just to buy the ticket, so you decide to stick through it.

Claire makes a beeline for the bar, tries to flag down the bartender. She orders an Old Fashioned, making sure to specify to double it because she’s not a regular here and he’s not Reggie and that’s how she’s been taking her drink for years.

She knows well deep in her bones that she should be somewhere else. Somewhere more familiar, somewhere where Tim Mcgraw often plays from the subpar speakers, and the rustic wooden bar countertop is gouging and discoloring from the cheap household cleaners and alcohol stains, and her friends are cramming together in the same booth in the back, reveling and laughing until they close the bar down and make a mess all over. Perhaps it’s a mistake coming here, where no one’s a familiar face and the drinks are a tad overpriced for her budget.

But then, perhaps this is exactly what she needs; the unfamiliarity, the visceral feeling knowing that she doesn’t belong here, where no one knows her name and the huge deal of weight she’s currently carrying on her shoulders. Perhaps, she can’t face her friends after what happened, after what Esme has done. Shit, how could any of this happen? Claire knows this all on Esme’s, but her guilt has grown hopelessly tangled with her anxiety. She’s her intern, for fuck’s sake, Claire’s supposed to prevent this from happening in the first place.

Man, where’s Declan Nash when she feels like punching someone in the face?

Claire makes the mistake of drinking her drink too quickly, because it hasn’t been ten minutes and she’s drained half of the content. Then she reaches for her phone in her bag, fiddles with it, absent-minded, equal parts bored before then settles on watching the band performing Art Pepper’s You Go To My Head and immediately thinks of that time she accidentally dropped her brother’s saxophone in a moment of her rather graceless, wine-soaked self with the whole family present.

Someone plops down on the empty stool next to her. Claire’s now scrolling through her phone- again, bored. Sienna commented on the post Elijah shared to the group chat with a few unnecessary-yet-totally-necessary emojis to the already convoluted series of texts and Claire only reads them in silence, not only because her friends’ texting behaviors are too chaotic for her to follow sometimes but she’s not really feeling like talking to anyone right now.

“Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in.”

Famous last words.

Claire freezes in her seat. Her phone’s still glowing in her hand, alighting her features. She recognizes that voice- too well, that is and it’s enough to set off her flight-or-fight response.

She glances up from her phone, preparing for the worst.

Well, what’s presented before her is literally the worst.

“Of all the gin joints…” she says once her eyes find Tobias Carrick sitting next to her, still in his work shirt, sleeves rolled-up, a few buttons undone, reeking of smoke, soap and antiseptic with a shit-eating grin plastered over his face.

She should have gone to Donahue’s instead.

“Evening to you too, Castelnuovo. Drinking your dinner tonight, I see?”

“What, this? No, this is breakfast. 100% daily value of alcohol and pretty much nothing else. I mean, it’s not the weekend without a bad case of hangover and an aspirin snowglobe in the morning, am I right? You know, like a glass of aspirin? Not a literal snowglobe?” she blabbers, realizing just so by the time she hears him snort. Claire chokes down another sip to shut her mouth up. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I’m about to commit first-degree murder and burn this whole place to the ground,” he drawls, the ever goddamn sarcastic. “What do you think? I’m trying to get dru-”

“No, I mean what are you doing here, of all places? Can’t you get drunk somewhere else?” she interrupts, her midwest accent does funny things to the vowels and consonants- something that only happens whenever she’s in distress, or at least according to Jackie.

“Last time I heard, this joint’s still owned by the Hilton, not a certain junior member of the Diagnostics Team at Edenbrook hospital.”

“Dude, what do you think of the H in Claire H. Castelnuovo stands for?” Deadpan, trying to keep up with the rolling sarcasm, she retorts. He smirks.

“Horatio?”

“Get the fuck out of here,” she mutters, mid-eye-roll, mid-snickering.

He chuckles, his voice rich and smoky amidst the late-night swing and distant chatters. Carrick doesn’t leave, of course, typically him- if those anecdotes Ethan told her has taught her anything about his character, that is- defying everything, scheming his way to the top, the embodiment of ‘those devilish boys with their heavenly eyes’ type your mother warns you about.

Not that the latter is relevant.

“Or what?” His mouth twitches but there’s a hard, challenging light in his eyes that she knows too well by now.

“Or I’m leaving.“ She shoots him a glare. He’s testing her patience- again, like it’s his finesse. Some things never change, it seems.

“Come on, Castelnuovo, don’t be a sourpuss. The night is young and I can promise you, the last thing I am is a horrible drinking buddy.”

With a touch of irony, she replies: “I’m sure. I bet you asked your friends to fill out a questionnaire every time you went out with them, did you?”

Carrick hums.

“You’re funny.” But he says it in the same tone that someone might say Jesus fuck, you’re probably one of the most frustrating creatures I’ve ever laid eyes on. Also, because the next thing he says is: “A little rough around the edges, but funny nonetheless.”

“That makes one of us then.”

Carrick frowns, which is kind of a surprise because she’s half expected him to flash her that signature cheeky grin of his.

“Listen, I’m just trying to make a friendly conversation here. I know we haven’t really seen eye-to-eye with each othe-”

Claire snorts and crosses her arms over her chest. “That, doctor, is an understatement of the fucking century.”

“Okay so, we’re like Tom and Jerry but sans the background music and a naive little duckling running around calling one of us his momma, but I feel like now’s the time to call out a temporary truce between us.” A beat, then: “I heard about what happened with the intern.”

Something flashes across her face- and Carrick must have noticed it, because his face does this odd thing- it softens, even for a moment. She hates it. He’s not supposed to be looking at her like that, not supposed to see her at her weakest state or saved her ass- And Jesus, why does she have to be indebted to Tobias Carrick, of all people- But god forbid, the last thing she’ll ever do is crying in front of him.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she mutters, barely audible, trying to temper her fluctuated emotions.

“Then don’t. We can talk about anything else or fall into some sort of endless, meaningless platitudes. Whichever will work.” As if sensing Claire’s lingering hesitation, he adds. “Tell you what, to sweeten the offer, your next drinks are on me.”

She assesses him for a long minute, eyes narrowing. She’s shaking her head, but her mouth, as if against her will, instead says: “Careful, Carrick, there’s a chance I’ll be abusing that offer and run you dry.”

"Hey, if you want to butcher your liver so bad, don’t stop on my account,” he says. “Don’t worry, though, I’ll make sure to save your ass again this time around. Pro bono.”

Claire looks as if she’s just swallowed a dead rat. “Thanks, but no thanks. Death seems more like an appealing choice.”

“Well, I stopped death from interfering then, I’ll stop it again.” Carrick winks, she pretends to gag again yet remains still in her seat, so Carrick waves at the bartender for their order- she orders for a refill and he, a martini and Claire is this close from asking 'shaken or stirred?’ but then remembers who he is and immediately washes the question down with her drink.

“You know, if anyone told me weeks ago that I’d be having a drink with you tonight, I probably would have socked them.“

Carrick is in the middle of lighting his cigarette, but laughs instead. “The Times They Are a-Changin’, as Bob Dylan said.” A puff of smoke escapes his mouth, curling around his fingers. Claire instinctively looks away. “Which reminds me of that one time your mentor sang Ballad of A Thin Man on the fucking subway when we were 20.”

She swivels her head to his direction, on the verge of choking on her drink. “Hold on, hold on, Ethan Jonah Ramsey sings?”

“Give him a dare he couldn’t refuse and a few shots of whiskey, and I promise you he’ll sing like Sinatra on crack.” He grins, his eyes are all crinkled and bright; she thinks that means he’s genuinely amused. “Ah, good times. We were like- wait, who was it he’d like to say we’re like again?”

A small smile pulls at her lips. “Bert and Ernie.”

“Jesus, he really fucking compares us to some Sesame Street characters, huh?” She laughs at that, loud and bright. He does the same. “Personally, I’d always say we were like Butch and Sundance back then- rebels with a cause, a band of misfits, trying to leave our marks on the world. You know those types. We were young, we wanted so much- I still do. I mean, let’s be real, whoever’s wanted to be defeated at their own game?”

A crease forms between her eyebrows, not quite a frown.

“Nobody,” Claire concurs, hating herself for it. “But was it worth it? Betraying the closest thing you had to a brother or a lover…” Carrick coughs on his smoke from the latter. “or whatever in the process just to get what you wanted?” Claire was obviously aiming for that brash, hard-hitting jab, but it lands gloriously too soft.

The bartender finally places their ordered drinks down on the bar. Carrick reaches for it, taking a careful swig, then sets his glass down. He takes a deep breath.

"It’s nothing personal. It never was. I never considered him as my rival.”

“Yeah, but by doing whatever you did, you’ve made an enemy out of him,” she counters. “Look, Carrick, I know we live in a dog-eat-dog world and I know being good sometimes doesn’t get the job done. Perhaps Machiavelli was right. Perhaps, when necessary, you have to be ruthless, dissembling and manoeuvring- what did he say again? ‘The end justifies the means’? But if any worthwhile end can justify the means to attain it, if everyone outright surrenders to their darker side, then what’s left of our humanity?”

For an interminable moment, there is only silence. He simply stares at her, as if she’s a walking, talking Rubik’s cube he can’t solve or a book that he has opened and now he’s got to know so much more and she feels pinned under those warm irises, uneasy.

Suddenly, his mouth begins to take shape; the corners hike up, stretch and then he does the unexpected.

The bastard fucking laughs.

“Excuse me?!” she spits, white-hot anger lacing each word. Carrick laughs harder- the audacity- despite Claire’s growing razor’s edge stare. “Did you just laugh at me? I was being fucking seriou-”

“Sorry, sorry.” Wiping an imaginary tear from his left eye. “I was just remembering Harper’s words. She’s right, you really are on the side of the angels, aren’t you?”

She points at him with her glass, snarling. “And you, mister, are the devil himself with a medical degree and an egg head- and I don’t mean the slang for a highly academic person.”

“Ouch,” Carrick says out loud, still kind of laughing, borderline frowning. “Okay, I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”

“Damn straight. Though you have a lot to apologize for.”

He groans. “Don’t tell me you’re still pissed about that one patient I stole under your nose?”

“The North remembers, ser,” she says, mean-spirited.

“Then does the North remembers that I saved her life?”

“Oh, so you’re discrediting the efforts of the other doctors that helped you make the cure?”

“Alright, alright. You win.” Carrick holds up his hands, the universal gesture of defeat and takes one final drag of his cigarette. He stubs it out, all the while keeping his gaze on her.

“So, how exactly can I make it up to you?“

Claire blinks- once, twice, thrice, realizing his intent. His voice drops an octave and he’s leaning in, close enough for her to notice the constellations of freckles splaying across his face and the way his brown eyes glinted like two shots of whiskey under a stream of light, intense and all-consuming. She feels her mind races, her brains feel as if they underwent a short-circuit and get caught on fire, and the fact that her mind’s on the precipice of exploring the idea is not helping.

A burst of laughter erupts from her throat, not that it’s funny- there’s nothing funny about the situation, but someone ought to diffuse this shift of tension between them, or that was her aim, at least.

“What, you wanna pay me back?” she asks, trying to keep her voice from cracking but failing miserably. Fingers trembling against her glass as she chugs nearly a quarter of her drink in one go.

He notices that.

"A Lannister always pays his debts, does he? If you think that I owe you one, then I’ll gladly pay.” His eyes flick back to her face, searing into her. The air crackles between them. The band is playing a different song now, a sound that only exists on the margin of her attention. If they’re in, say a mid 2000s rom-com movie, someone would probably interrupt this moment and save her from this. But this isn’t a movie.

Claire licks her lips, a candid reaction which encourages him to inch closer- or is it her? She can’t tell anymore. Tracing odd patterns on the palm of her hand with his finger and oh god, this is Carrick, the bane of her fucking existence, she’d shoot him first before she kisses him. But something about the prospect of fucking this bastard twists her insides deliciously into a confused mess.

“How? By fucking me?” she inquires, feigning scandalized- all that Catholic guilt bullshit.

He grins, all-teeth and wolfish and shrugs as if they’re talking about his life insurance policy or shit. “Well, that’s the idea.”

“But you don’t even like me.” It should come out as I don’t even like you, but even she knows that’ll be just another lie she tells.

“On the contrary, I enjoy our rivalry far more than I should, Castelnuovo,” he purrs and places a hand on her knee. Her throat bobs. She’s wearing a skirt, it didn’t seem important then, but now his hand feels warm against her skin, dangling on the edge of impropriety. Like gravity, all it takes is a little push for him to cross that line.

“I should be disliking the way you talk to me, challenging me and putting me on the back foot every goddamn time. I should be focusing on taking you down a peg, but the more I see you, the more I realize you have an attractive kind of power. And I’m just one man. And if there’s anything I learned, the only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.”

But then his movement suddenly ceases. Claire almost asks why.

"However…”

“What?” she stares up at him, eyes wide, breath hitching.

“However if you only accept alcohol as the currency for transactions, then I’ll tell the bartender to get us another round instead,“ he tells her, offering her one last chance to back out from this, from making this mistake with him.

Claire stares into her drink, actually mulling this over. Her mind tells her no, but the other part- the alcohol-infused part of her mind- whispers otherwise. She imagines if Ethan or any of her friends are here, they would probably grab her shoulder and shake the living hell out of her for even reconsidering his offer.

But then again, intelligence, alcohol and desperation have always had a bad history of getting along together.

“What about June?” Claire asks against her better judgement, after a long, considerable pause. Carrick raises a confused brow.

“What about her?”

“I thought you guys…” she trails off, makes a face, feeling all-kind of flustered and aroused and wow, she’s really doing this, huh? “I mean, I don’t know- I don’t wanna get in between you guys.”

“Nah. It was only a three time thing, but there’s never been anything between us.” He chuckles at Claire’s askance look. “If you don’t believe me, you can fact-check it with the woman herself,” Carrick adds, looking at her dead-on with his eyes like he wants to get the message across.

She regards him silently for a long second, and maybe she’s a touch drunk now, maybe the bartender put something in her drink, or maybe she just needs to blow off some steam after what’s been happening in these past few weeks and Carrick happens to be a decent warm body for the occasion, but Claire finds herself shifting closer.

"Then I want you to pay me back.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yeah,” she answers, more sure this time, more determined.

Her nose bumps his, his breath fanning across her face all the while Carrick’s slightly pushing her skirt up, letting his fingertips travel higher. His eyes keep darting back and forth from her eyes and lips, checking for her reaction. There is no inhibition here, not anymore. People might be watching- heck, they could be already watching and it terrifies her that she doesn’t give a damn about it.

“But if you tell anyone about this, I swear to god… ” she warns and a shadow of mirth passes across his eyes, making her almost regretting this. Almost.

“Claire, darling.” It’s the first time he’s ever said her name and her stomach does a tango. “Your secret is safe with me.“ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 

He gets them a room in the hotel, it’s on the twentieth floor. Carrick handles the accommodation- he can afford it, apparently, which is not really surprising and the nuisating check-in procedure while Claire only waits in the lobby like a beautiful, agitated china doll amidst the turbulent sea the whole time until he comes back, flashes the room key at her and beckons her to follow.

She goes ahead of him, but he catches up. His body heat sends her anxiety rocketing sky-high through the roof as they walk next to each other, hands briefly brushing against one another but she ignores that (or at least she tries).

They are silent in the elevator, they are silent even once they reach the designated floor and walk down the hall to their room where the dim and shadowed lights follow their steps like vultures.

Carrick holds open the door for her and she enters, taking in the windows and the striking view of Boston skyline peeking behind the curtains, the TV and the queen-sized bed. The latter does nothing to assuage the anticipation that’s bubbling in the pit of her stomach, by the way.

Claire hears him shut the door, locking both bolts. She peers at him over her shoulder, half-turned, one eye on him. Their eyes meet, neither speaks. He’s taking off his black peacoat, back against the door, he’s looking at her as if wanting her is his full-time occupation and the realizations comes in like a mule kick, how that tiny voice inside her head, the one that tells her that this is a bad idea and she’s better off leaving never comes.

The room is not considerably huge (with $110 per night, you would have expected you’d get a bigger room), he could easily have her in six large steps, yet he stands there. Sizing her up, smirking rather devilishly, handsomely as if challenging her to make the first move. It’s another fucking game with him. A display of power, waiting who would fall first.

Claire finally turns around to face him. With a renowned determination, she removes her coat, letting it fall unceremoniously onto the carpeted floor. Her blouse follows next and her skirt, which she tugs it oh so slowly down her legs.

Carrick’s eyes widen, if she doesn’t know better, she thinks he’s speechless. He takes a deep breath, his gaze religiously following every movement as she twirls around once more to unhook her bra. His jaw clenches and unclenches. He’s having a hard time keeping himself in check which she takes an immense pleasure in. Claire just wants to see the man squirm for a change, even if she has to shed every article of clothing she wears.

By the time she slips off of her underwear, she is breathing raggedly. He hasn’t yet approached her so she crawls onto the bed, lying on her back with one elbow props her up, legs crossed. She kicks off her heels, rolls down her stockings with a bit of that noir come-hither, Lauren Bacall-esque heavy bedroom eyes.

Finally, Carrick steps closer until he’s only a hair’s breadth away, like a target, filling her line of sight. The tension in the room is hot enough to send the thermometer reaching its maximum limit and she’s burning, burning, burning right through the core.

Claire cranes her head up to meet his gaze, noticing the way he’s drinking in her body like a pirate ogling a bottle of rum. High-strung, tense, Carrick lowers his head to her, his fingers carding through her long hair. Dimness consumes him raw, his silhouette is starting to find its place amongst the shadows except for his eyes. Never does the fire in his eyes falter, merely alight.

They are already nose-to-nose when Claire suddenly raises her hand over his lips. He withdraws from her, looking confused and hot and bothered.

“Take a seat over there, will you?” She motions to the settee near the bed, her tone leaving no room for argument.

He smirks, but she can see his bravado if faltering. “Ordering me around in the bed now, are we?”

“Didn’t you say tonight is about you making it up to me?”

“Touche, touche.” Carrick straightens his posture and makes his way to the settee across from her, shifting uncomfortably in his seat given the growing issue in his pants.

With eyes still trained to his, Claire cups her own breast, fingers pinching her pebbled nipple before the same hand travels lower down her stomach, her thighs. Carrick leans forward in his seat, obviously liking where this is going before Claire slowly and teasingly part her legs for him to see.

A surprised groan escapes him.

“Jesus, Claire,” Carrick hisses. “Fuck, I didn’t know you’re a goddamn tease.”

She doesn’t bother replying to him, but a winning grin finds its way across her face as she lays on her back, her shame and modesty are distant, knees pulled up so he can have a clear view of her. With two fingers, she runs them along her folds, dragging them slowly up to her clit. Claire imagines they are his fingers- which once upon a time would have horrified her, but tonight, as she repeats the motion over and over, knowing that he’s sitting there, watching her without being able to get his hands on her, she decides to submit to this newfound fantasy.

A rustle pulls her back to reality. He’s undoing his own pants, palming his cock, runs his fingers over the leaking head.

A low moan catches in her throat at that, her gaze snapping up from his erection to his face where his irises have darkened and pupils dilated. He wants to show her, that’s he’s as depraved as her when it comes to wanting, that he fucking wants her and in spades and she fails to think like a normal human being anymore.

Claire uses that image to work on herself harder, faster, feeling the intense pressure beginning to build beneath her fingers. She’s so wet now, despite him being able to see that, she wants him to hear it as well as she uses her idle hand to tap against herself. Carrick growls, his pace matching the rhythm she’s setting.

She slips her fingers inside her, drops her head back against the mattress and bites a loud moan that threatens to escape her lips. Flushing scarlet all over her abdomen, her breasts and up to her neck. Her blood thumping louder than bombs in her ears, her breaths begin to come in gasps.

Another fast and hard thrust from fingers, and Claire finds herself sighing his name.

“Tobias…”

And every last bit of his self-restraint snaps.

In just a blink of an eye, Carrick is already on his feet, grabs her waist, harshly, and tugs her down onto the edge of the bed where he’s now kneeling before her. He doesn’t bother with the teasings or soft kisses or caresses, and even before Claire has the time to register what’s happening, he crushes his face between her parted legs and eats her out.

She gasps, high and fleeting, twisting the bed sheet between her fists while his tongue flicks over her, moving back up, back down, lapping along her folds in the same motions she showed him with her hand, how she likes it. Claire forgets how to breathe. It just occurs to her just how arousing the sight of him on his knees like this, sending her mind hitchhiking into outer space.

“Oh, fuck.” She breathes, back arching on the bed with a drawn-out moan. “Fuck, Tobias!” Her hips gyrate over his mouth and she presses her heels against his shoulder blades. She’s so close. All she needs is a little push to send her careening into oblivion and it seems that Carrick can sense it because he brings two digits to her entrance and slides easily inside her, setting a ruthless pace.

With her hands reaching out to the back of his head, Claire cries out his name and trembles violently. Encouraged, Carrick curves his fingers inside her, hitting that exact spot that finally undoes her as she comes, long and hard, around his mouth and fingers- the kind of orgasm that you can feel deep in your bones- and watches as fireworks dance behind her lids.

When she finally comes down from her high, everything is hazy. It’s like waking up from a deep slumber after a decadent soak in a scented bath and she loses all orientation, until she feels him nipping the inside of her thighs. She hisses, glances down, heavy-lidded eyes finding Carrick is leaving bruises after bruises all over her skin like some kind of a lewd memento of his work, like he wants her to remember this the next time she wakes up in her own bed and he’s not there.

"Are you trying to turn me into a Na'vi, doctor?” She asks, still kinda breathless, feeling surprisingly conversational despite having just experienced, if not, one of the best orgasms in her life. He smiles against her thigh and withdraws from her, only after her thighs are sufficiently bruised enough, licks his fingers clean and stands up at the end of the bed.

“Maybe. You’d make a cute blue extraterrestrial creature, though,” he replies cheekily, then undoes the button of his shirt, showcasing his naked torso.

Claire feels her cheeks heating up again, but forces herself to stare; eyes following his pectoral muscles, down to the toned lines of his abdomen while he slides off of his pants. The man is one fine specimen, alright, and he knows- smug bastard- and she thinks it’s such a shame that Carrick is… well, Carrick. If the man learns how to shut up for one minute or avoid trying to sabotage everyone’s career at Edenbrook altogether, maybe, just maybe, she’d consider him.

“But honestly, I just wanted to hear you say my name again,” Carrick continues, crawling his way up to her, pulling her out of her musings. He settles between her thighs. His lips finding her ear and nibbling at the lobe while his fingers pinching and pulling at her nipple. Claire shivers. Nails scraping along his skin, raising angry marks that would certainly be there tomorrow.

When they kiss, it’s so good that she can’t help but curl her toes. He kisses her like he’s trying to steal her breath or her name. She can taste herself in his mouth, which sparks so many feelings inside her. Her mind’s foggy, sweat pooling on her forehead. Carrick is but shoves his tongue into her mouth, lapping at her, biting, sucking and she leans hard into the kiss, retaliates by scraping her teeth against his bottom lip. It spurs him on. Making his cock twitch against her thigh and Claire decides she can’t wait anymore.

Claire rolls her hips at him. He takes the hint and rolls over to grab a condom from his pants. Then he’s back on top of her, his weight and heat crushing her most deliciously and brings her body further up the bed with him; she drapes her legs around his hips, hands gripping his arms. Her lust and anticipation collaborate to the point of near madness.

Carrick nips the taut line of her jaw and drives himself into her.

They both groan in unison.

“Oh, fuck.” Carrick mumbles between shaky breaths, his face pressed against her throat. “Fucking hell, Claire, you feel so warm.”

Claire, on the other hand, goes rigid under him. Her mouth hangs open and her world narrows down to the feeling of his cock inside her and the pleasure that builds up again in her abdomen.

This is happening, she thinks, he’s inside her and it feels so amazing. She might as well be crazy for agreeing to do this with him in the first place, but the promise of the thrill beats the doubts.

He starts slow, just the smallest fraction of hips, gently thrusting back and forth in shallow motions. She whines, frustrated and impatient, raising her own hips to meet his, but Carrick’s weight pins her onto the mattress and she can’t fucking move.

“F-faster,” Claire stammers, her molars grinding like toothache.

The bastard smirks, like he’s been anticipating the word coming out of her mouth.

“Beg for it.” His words are punctuated with every unhurried stroke he’s giving her, teasing her and if she’s not in the middle of being fucked right now, she would have kicked him in the balls.

Growling, she swallows her plea by pulling Carrick down for another kiss. This time, she’s the one who does the biting and the sucking, making sure he’s distracted enough and then just like with all the things she does in her life, she takes the matter into her own hands.

With all her strength, she scrambles up, pushes him off of her and knocks him onto his back flat on the bed. When she swings her legs to straddle him, his eyes pop.

“Holy shit, you are feisty.”

“Only cause I’m angry and horny,” she bites off. Angling herself above him and with one hand, guides his shaft back to her opening. “And you- you weren’t doing a proper job fucking me.”

He smirks. “I was trying to wind you up.”

“Fuck you.”

She lowers herself and sinks back onto his cock, relishing in his moans and growls.

“Baby, you’re doing it.” His hands curling around her waist, his head falls back onto the bed, exposing his throat and Claire is so hard-pressed not to bite him there.

Claire ignores his smartassness, naturally, and lifts herself, drops back down. Slamming her hips into his until she’s bouncing on him. Nails clawing at his chest. Finally be able to set a pace she desperately craves for, finally wiping that smirk off of his face.

Under her, Carrick is biting his lip in an effort to not to lose control. His hands are everywhere now; her stomach, her breasts, her neck, her cheeks. Leaving fire on its wake. She might still hate him after this is strange, little arrangement is over but at this juncture, he’s exactly the remedy she needs after everything.

Then Carrick wraps his arms around her and picks up the pace, thrusting into her hard and fast. Claire shakes. She can’t catch her breath, her forehead pressed on his shoulder, her teeth latching onto his skin. Breathing a string of 'fuckfuckfuck’ while he squeezes her ass and continues to fuck her with careless abandon.

"Tobias.” Her moans amplify. She’s close to climaxing again, her legs quivering. Eyes wide shut. “Please, please.” So much for not begging.

He pulls her to him so their foreheads meet. Their lips brush against each other, but they aren’t kissing, merely trading breaths. A hand touches her cheek and her lids flutter open, finding his eyes- those depthless, amber eyes that pretty much lead her to this point, are watching her, pulling her in.

“Say it again,” he encourages darkly, face twists in pleasure. “My name. Say it again.”

She does it again, it comes out as a groaned whisper, repeating it over and over again like a sacred mantra.

Her second orgasm sweeps through her, making her spine arches, it tears a winded moan from her throat and it’s more than enough to trigger Carrick’s own release; fingers digging into the soft flesh of her hips, groaning gutturally.

Panting, sore but sated, Claire collapses on top of his chest, his arm still drapes around her. The rise and fall of his breath lull her to sleep. Before she knows it, he gently rolls her to his side, pulling the covers for them and kisses her on the shoulder, which comes out as… odd for her.

The bed moves and she feels him leaving.

He’s leaving.

He’s leaving.

She doesn’t know why it stings, but it does. But also Claire opts not to pay no mind to it and forces her mind to surrender to sleep that once again tries to take hold.

Claire wishes she doesn’t dream of him that night, but she does.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It’s way past midnight when she wakes up. The room is dark. The curtains are closed. She’s still naked and sore under the covers, mind reeling in from what has just transpired.

One might ask in which universe does Claire Castelnuovo agree to sleep with Tobias Carrick? Well, apparently they did it in this one and oddly still, she doesn’t regret it. Though she’s still low-key sad that he left her straight after sex, but hey, what can she do about it? This arrangement itself is nothing but a means to an end, anyway, a perverse alternative for him to pay back what he allegedly owes her, she shouldn’t be surprised if he left after the ‘debt’ is paid.

Feeling her mood somehow takes an unexpected dip, she gets us from the bed and gathers her clothes on the floor.

She’s in the middle of zipping up her skirt when the bedside lamp flickers and comes on.

Claire turns around. Carrick, rousing from sleep, looks at her, rubbing his eyes and stifles a yawn. His lips still tinged from her kisses and bites.

“Leaving so soon?” he asks, voice still raspy from sleep and Claire thinks her mouth is hanging open, standing rooted to the spot like a spider on an icicle; frozen in time.

For a moment, she does nothing but stares at him, being rendered speechless. For many times, Tobias Carrick never fails to surprise her. Just when she thinks she has him all figured out, he comes sneaking in through her windows like a thief in the night and it just strikes her, how he really is an uncharted territory for her. Despite her having him pinned under her, exploring the hard planes of his body under the touches just a few hours ago.

The man is like a fucking myth, at this point. She knows him only from stories and her limited time around him, but who is exactly Tobias Carrick? Is he the competitive doctor at Mass Kenmore, the Machiavellian asshole that severed his friendship/relationship with Ethan for the sake of his greed and ambition? Or is he, Tobias Carrick, the man who saves her life, makes her laugh and kisses her shoulder in the afterglow?

She’ll probably never know.

“Yeah, my roommates will probably deploy a search party if I don’t come home tonight,” she replies, distracted, finally finding her own voice back. He nods, feigning disappointment- or is he not? She clears her throat and continues putting on her clothes. “I thought you left.”

He chuckles at the absurdity of her deduction. “And without saying goodbye?” Carrick rolls off of the bed and rises to his feet. He’s already wearing his pants- thank fuck for that- and approaches her. “I may be an asshole, Castelnuovo, but just so you know, my mother raised me better than that.”

So they’re back to their usual last name basis perimeter. That’s good, right? After all of this, she thinks a little familiarity would be nice for her sanity.

“Good to know, then.”

Silence encompasses the room. It’s awkward and overwhelming and it throws her a little off-balance. At the bar, they seemed to know exactly what to say to each other- especially him; but now, even she can sense the hesitation in his gait, at the way he’s looking at her and a faint alarm is trilling her head. Because if he’s making this awkward, she can do a whole lot of worse.

"Oh, before you ask, that makes up for pretty much everything, yeah. I mean, it’s alright.” You fucking dumbass, she thinks to herself, averting his gaze while a smile blooms on his face.

“Good to know, then.” He parrots her words and she huffs a laugh, freely and sweetly, like she’s currently not knee-deep in her problems or she’s just fucked the most incorrigible man that ever exists. He does too, but his gaze lands on her mouth before going back to her eyes.

Another silence passes. It’s time to go.

“I have to go now.”

He nods mutely and moves away so Claire can step past him.

She wears her coat. In the mirror, she still looks thoroughly fucked; her hair’s dishevelled, she smells like him now, but she really needs to go. She promises herself that this will be a one time thing because, Jesus fuck, she’s supposed to be smarter than this. She’s not fifteen anymore, and this is not the summer where she can watch the sunset from the cornfields with her cousins even though his eyes possess the same color.

Yet she walks toward the door in a daze, like she’s forgetting something but can’t pinpoint what it is.

“Can I-”

“Hey, do you-”

She stops, mid-turning, and closes her mouth. She doesn’t realize she’s interrupting him.

“Oh, sorry,” Claire says, embarrassed. “You go first, it’s alright.”

“Can I have your number?” he asks, uncharacteristically hesitant.

She thinks he’s joking or maybe he’s just feigning interest, but one look at his eyes and she can tell that this isn’t smoke and mirrors.

The eyes, chico. They never lie. It’s dumb, but that line from Scarface is the first thing that comes to her mind. That’s why when she hands him her phone, her hand is shaking slightly. She has to bite her lip to stop herself from grinning like a maniac.  

Claire takes a cursory glance at her phone once he returns it. He saved his number solely as t.c. with the water drop, the syringe, the ghost, the eggplant, the firework emoji and she chuckles endearingly, questioning the universe how he can easily get both a rise and a laugh out of her.

“I’ll text you?” Carrick asks again and she nods a little too enthusiastically at it, but what the hell?

“Sure.”

“Alright.” He takes one look at her, steps closer and for a moment, she thinks he might be going to kiss her.

“Goodnight, Claire,” Carrick says instead and she nods, admitting the fact that he’s not going to do it.

“Goodnight to you too, Tobias.” Then pauses at the doorway, feeling surprisingly bold. “I gotta give it to you, though, for someone who’s become the bane of my existence for months, you’re a damn good lay.”

He barks out a laugh, obviously, that Claire can hear all the way down the hall. And she thinks she can get used to the sound.

                                                         fin.

Tag list: @villain-fuckarooni @beckaroo @arfeiniel​ @this-person-is-busy @colossalpainintheass​ @drethanramslay @hatescapsicum @theeccentricbibliophile

[emohell]

a-z q+a !

thanks to @halflingkima for the tag !!!

A - Age: 23 B - Birthplace: florida C - Current time: 9:19pm D - Drink you last had: hot chocolate !! E - Easiest person to talk to: depends on the subject but probably my sister tbh F - Favorite song: THERE ARE TOO MANY it usually changes depending on whatever i last listened to. i’m gonna go right now with like it by waterparks G - Grossest memory: when we were children and still taking baths together my little sister pooped in the bathtub. not really gross right now bc it’s actually pretty hilarious but in the moment it was the most horrifying thing i had ever experienced at the age of like..... 6 H - Horror yes or horror no: i want to like horror SO BADLY but i am a very big baby I - In love?: crushing, but not love. i think. probably. yeah no just crushing J - Jealous of people?: mmmmmmm i don’t know..... envious, probably? L - Love at first sight or should i walk by again: you will have to walk by several times LOL i don’t really believe in love at first sight tbh M - Middle name: i think i’ve finally decided on my middle name being attley ! N - Number of siblings: i have one sister ! O - One wish: unlimited motivation  P - Person you called last: i... do not remember... the last person that called me was my dad (i had to come out and help with the groceries) Q - Question you are always asked: don’t really have an answer for this but the last question i was asked was “so how’s the testosterone going” lol R - Reasons to smile: there’s so many!!! you gotta romanticize the shit outta the small stuff - hearing your favorite songs come up on shuffle, seeing your favorite coworkers, discovering new movies, reading new books, there’s so many!!! S - Song you sang last: gemini by the unlikely candidates !!! T - Time you woke up: 8am :| U - Underwear colour: this is a weird question lol. i honestly do not remember V - Vacation destination: i’ve always wanted to visit tokyo ! and london ! W - Worst habit: self doubt probably ! X - X-rays: i don’t remember the last time i had them.... Y - Your favorite food: tacos baby !!!! Z - Zodiac sign: scorpio😈😈 idk why the internet always makes us out to be like sexy murders lmao every time i read those i’m like “... okay” lol

i taaaaagggg: you! anyone who wants to do this can!

[yeocult]

Hii~ ursa minor, corvus, orion, gemini, betelgeuse, deneb, spica, proxima centauri, mimosa, star cluster, moon, comet, delta iv heavy, heavy falcon, soyuz, RCS, RD-270, raptor? (so sorry it's a lot of questions 😅)

*cracks knuckles* it’s time to get ready to overshare !! thank you for sending so much in!! it was fun hehe

ursa minor: do you have hobbies or interests that no one knows about?

hmm sports, writing, and editing? i enjoy watching sports matches and being nerdy about analyzing the players and game lol, mostly basketball and volleyball! i hate playing sports though lol. writing and editing are just for fun! (irl ppl don’t know much so i guess it’s a secret). i’d like to pursue editing to something more serious though!

corvus: what are 5 things you appreciate about yourself?

1. neatness and i’m organized! / 2. i only surround myself with good people, if there’s something off about a person i immediately cut them off (idk if this is me running away from everything bad or that i respect myself lol) / 3. how easily inspired i am / 4. chill? (is that the right word?) sometimes i just can’t bring myself to care that much abt certain things lol / 5. fashion sense i think

orion: what element would you like to be able to bend?

i convinced myself i was a waterbender when i was younger lmao but i’d like to bend fire! no reasons, i just think it’s cool hehe

gemini: which character (fictional or not) is your spirit animal?

shizuku from whisper of the heart and ursula from kiki’s delivery service...they are just so comforting!! having a lil studio in the forest is such a dream!

betelgeuse: which video games gives you nostalgia for a place you have never been to?

ah i don’t play any video games :-(

deneb: you can turn one book into a movie,tv show or video game. which one are you picking?

omg this is a hard one! i’ll probably think about this more but rn i’m completely stuck >///<

spica: when do you consider a movie “good”?

no plotholes, it’s consistent, and not so cliche. the texture, not bland, and good writing is important too. soundtrack that evokes emotions is kinda important to me as well. not so much necessary but i like it when a movie has an open ending! i look forward to the cinematography a lot too :D but honestly, everything needs to work well together, the writers, actors, and production team.

proxima centauri: if you would have the chance to travel the world, which places or countries would you like to see?

ooooh i want to visit china, germany, dublin, singapore, hanoi, japan, s.korea, and new york! so many places >///<

mimosa: what do you associate with your favourite colour?

beige - comfort, coffee, home, silence, sundays, fresh sheets, and cookie dough :DD

star cluster: what is something you have gained, something you have lost and something you let go of during the past year?

gained - interest in filmography, writing, and editing / lost - activeness ?? lmao ever since quarantine I've gotten so lazy / let go of - a close friend of 5 years

moon: “A man is made of memories. It is all we are.“ (Lawrence) what do you think this means? Do you agree?

kind of! how we act and behave was all from our childhood—memories. it shapes us how we are today. we think a lot, we experience a lot, so it think this is what the quote means...? hopefully i don’t sound stupid lol

comet: you have the chance to undo one thing or decision in your life, would you take it? If you are comfortable sharing: what did you change?

yes! i would taken more opportunity and put myself out there more often even if i’ll get hurt—i think it’s a learning experience that i’ll never get back

delta iv heavy: what is your favourite thing about your degree course?

ah i’m not there yet (i’m assuming this is for uni/college). but, i’d like to study fashion design or something in the art department hehe

heavy falcon: what is a subject you are highly interested in but you would never study yourself?

english, biochem, interior design, history, ohmygod i have a lot. but the thing with me is that i’m very interested in anything, i’m curious, but i’ll never commit to anything that isn’t art because i’m simply just not passionate enough. there’s a difference with being interested/curious and passionate for me...? (not to mention i suck at anything else lol)

soyuz: language(s) you would like to learn?

chinese!! i’ve actually started learning 2 years ago but never continued with it because it’s just too hard !!! >:( i also can’t even speak my mother tongue fluently so i need to get that first before learning another one. the tones...are soooo !!! difficult !!!!! i’ve also learned french for 7 years but i sound embarrassing sigh

RCS: how do you stay focused and productive?

sigh...i’m the worst student ever. i just kinda guilt trip myself into studying like “you’re a burden if you don’t do good on xyz” or like just slap myself and get it over with yk? it’s not the best lmaoooooo

RD-270: Do you need silence to study? or do you like to listen to music? if so, what is your go-to study-playlist?

rarely, i like to listen to music 99% of the time. it’s either a random khh/krnb playlist with new songs i’ve never listened to, lofi, or piano music! sometimes i’ll listen to my own playlists but it’s distracting with songs i know lol

Raptor: do you study at home or do you prefer to study at the library/in cafés?

sigh, i hate studying outside. maybe that’ll change for me in the future. i’ve tried studying in the library and i got nothing good done. i’ve also never went to a cafe to study. although i do love the vibes, it’s usually too loud for me. i like being in the comfort of my own room :))

send me a space asks!

[neotan-astrology]

Wow, idk if it's a cultural thing (lmao), but I'm from a Spanish speaking country, and in my country people see Gemini as "the worst sign ever". I personally think all signs have good and bad things to them, but I find it surprising that some people love Gemini :0

Tbh I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing or not but from where I am from Gemini yeah isn’t seen as the best. Like including me there are three Gemini’s in my family and let’s just say we all similar in the sense that we are kind of short tempered, get annoyed and irritated easily are a bit moody so yeah I definitely do get the negatives.

But tbh for me I think Gemini is one the signs that grows a lot and is actually willing to learn and adapt.

And as you said all signs have good and bad traits about them so labelling something as the worst sign doesn’t make sense to me

[clippingwings-a]

name.  cheshire but i also go by ches! star  sign.  pisces sun / gemini moon height.   5′6″ middle name.  a

put  your  playlist  on  shuffle.  what  are  the  first  6  songs  that  pop  up ?

dearly beloved - gamechops mix

i’m with you - jvna

saturn - sleeping at last

the seed - aurora

we depend on you - kamex

something comforting - porter robinson

grab  one  book  nearest  to  you  &  turn  to  page  23.  what’s  line  17 ? ‘ perhaps the rabbit fur on Edward’s ears & tail, & the whiskers on his nose had some dim memory of being hunted, for a shiver went through him. ’ - the miraculous journey of edward tulane.

ever  had  a  poem  or  a  song  written  about  you  ? nope!

when  was  the  last  time  you  played  air  guitar  ? oh god probably back in high school i think. long time ago

who  is  your  celebrity  crush  ? i used to really have a big crush on tom hiddleston but these days, just kind of grew out of it.  

what’s  a  sound  you  hate  /  sound  you  love  ?

i hate the sound of people who eat with their mouths open like please, close your mouth i am begging you. 

i love the sound of rain. like down pours, i absolutely adore that noise. i’ll sit out on my porch during good down pours & just chill there until it tapers off!

do  you  believe  in  ghosts  ? i believe in ghosts, yes, but i also have a healthy skepticism in me too. not every bump in the night is a ghost.

how  about  aliens  ? sure i mean. who knows in the end of the day, but thinking we’re the only thing that exists in the universe, idk, just seems kinda small sighted to me. 

do  you  drive  ? i’m learning but i also have a pretty heavy fear of cars, lmao.

if  so  ,  have  you  ever  crashed  ? when learning i kind of scrapped against a stop sign & dented my dads jeep. felt really bad about it. i haven’t really ‘crashed’ though & would prefer to avoid it if i can.

what  was  the  last  book  you  read  ? dreams of joy by lisa see. i really love her books!

do  you  like  the  smell  of  gasoline  ? kinda yea.

what  was  the  last  movie  you  saw  ? spirited away!

what’s  the  worst  injury  you’ve  ever  had  ? i haven’t really hurt myself that badly, but i think the worst i had was a horse clipped the soft side of my boot & i’m pretty sure broke my pinkie toe. you can’t really do anything to toes, so i had to let it heal on it’s own, but ya’ll. you actually don’t know how much weight you put on that one toe until you’ve done something to it, it was the worst. 

do  you  have  any  obsessions  right  now  ? donten ni warau / rengoku ni warau. fire emblem. animal crossing. pokemon. things like that right now! 

do  you  tend  to  hold  grudges  against  people  who  have  done  you  wrong ? i used to, but not these days. i was a very reactionary person in the past & i’ve kind of killed that part of me. don’t get me wrong, i can still get upset by things, but as far as holding long grudges? no, i’ll be upset & then i’ll have to let it go. there’s no point in wasting energy obsessing over it. 

i’m not proud of the person who was proud to hold grudges, & so i’ve made a point to change. 

in  a  relationship  ? yes! with my boyfriend @getsuruito​ / @attendreesperer! uwu

Tagged by: i stole it  Tagging: you should also steal it!

[in-tua-deep]

For the tua asks,,, 1 and 4 👀

1. We know they’re all Libra’s, but what zodiac sign would you give to each sibling?

okay i’m going to freely admit that I don’t actually have any idea about any of the stereotypes and types regarding star signs and zodiacs and stuff and at this point i’m too afraid to ask lmao like my friend be talking about moons rising and venus in the fifth house and stuff and i just nod and gaze at them adoringly as they ramble about how that makes them compatible with fire signs

do i even know the zodiac off the top of my head? doubtful but aight here we go full disclosure i am using one vaguely magazine looking esque site and yes i will include quotes from it

Luther: Pisces bc “Pisces, a water sign, is the last constellation of the zodiac. It's symbolized by two fish swimming in opposite directions, representing the constant division of Pisces's attention between fantasy and reality” and Luther is divided on his perception of his childhood, his siblings, and most of all: his father

Diego: Aries bc “Aries loves to be number one, so it’s no surprise that these audacious rams are the first sign of the zodiac” and Diego desperately wants to be number one and in charge to the point where it’s given him a complex smh

Allison: Leo bc “Roll out the red carpet, because Leo has arrived. Leo is represented by the lion, and these spirited fire signs are the kings and queens of the celestial jungle.” and genuinely bc i’m just tickled by the red carpet reference when we first see her on a red carpet wheyy

Klaus: Cancer bc “Represented by the crab, this oceanic crustacean seamlessly weaves between the sea and shore, representing Cancer’s ability to exist in both emotional and material realms. Cancers are highly intuitive, and their psychic abilities manifest in tangible spaces” and Klaus is the most emotionally intelligent and also seeing ghosts count as being psychic right 

(pause here because just saying that I, a cancer, have never been intuitive in my life and my ‘ability to pick up the energies in the room’ are subpar at best)

Five: Gemini bc “Have you ever been so busy that you wished you could clone yourself just to get everything done? That’s the Gemini experience in a nutshell” and honestly Five wanting to be in two places at once is like. his whole personality he’s always on the move

Ben: Sagittarius bc “Represented by the archer, Sagittarians are always on a quest for knowledge. The last fire sign of the zodiac, Sagittarius launches its many pursuits like blazing arrows, chasing after geographical, intellectual, and spiritual adventures.” and genuinely bc the line spiritual adventure tickled me and bc he’s smart that’s it that’s all i have

Vanya: Libra bc “Libra is an air sign represented by the scales (interestingly, the only inanimate object of the zodiac), an association that reflects Libra's fixation on balance and harmony.” and Vanya’s whole thing is dealing with how unfair her childhood was and how unbalanced it was because she was excluded and she still hasn’t let that go after over a decade of living on her own and getting therapy

no, i don’t know what i’m talking about but that’s what i’m going with based on this one (1) whole site

---

4.  What do you think all the siblings’ favorite bands are?

I’m gonna be real with u friend these are like the two worst questions for me because i ALSO don’t know music as well as I should at all like. i vaguely know songs? My entire current music taste is “oh my sister/friend shared this amv/map/pmv with me and i like the song (:” or “someone sent me this song that they think could apply to my character and now I’m mentally constructing a pmv for it”

Old bands? New bands? I’m pretty sure Klaus would jam out to one direction or the jonas brothers he seems like he would

Vanya’s probably a fan of hozier bc she’s gay and also would like to sleep in a bog for 1000 years that sounds nice

Five doesn’t know music his tastes are “is this record in playable condition? yes? alright time to try and wrench some serotonin out of this” like actually i think he’d be kind of overwhelmed with all the music choices

OH Klaus would totally jam to shakira and britney spears

diego probably likes all the music klaus does but also probably won’t admit he does

who wrote girls just wanna have fun?? Allison’s brand of music is “girls rule the world” and she has entire soundtracks dedicated to that genre and honestly it slaps

oh you know who vanya would like?? Lindsey Stirling. Yes i’m aware she does the phantom of the opera medley at the beginning but a lot of her music absolutely slaps and i’m a sucker for master of tides and i feel like vanya would always be appreciative of cool violin music

Luther appreciates most music i feel but he’s a vinyl purist

alright gotta take my sister to a doctors appointment but here’s what i got lmao

[ruinmylifc]

[ MUSE 82 ] ●● is that TOM HOLLAND? no, that’s just troy sinclair, the 20 year old cismale who is a 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐄 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐎𝐑. some say they’re entitled & sly, but their family and friends will swear they’re enterprising & nonchalant. when i think of them, i think of heated make out sessions, sleeping out under the stars, seductive smirks, fake ids, spontaneous road trips, beat drops, quickies in club bathrooms, flying first class. i wonder if HIS family knows that 𝐇𝐄’𝐒 𝐀 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐔𝐓𝐒 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐇 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐒. ●●

yeah yeah i did another thing bc i am the literal worst™ and couldn’t help myself. i’m done i promise but find out about this lil shit below. also !! find this dickheads pinterest ( here ). enjoy !

FULL NAME: troy shane powell. NICKNAME: troy boy. AGE: twenty years old. DOB: 13th june, 1999. ZODIAC SIGN: gemini. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bisexual. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: biromantic. EDUCATION: high school diploma ; currently studying a bachelor of athletic training at boston university. OCCUPATION: part time team member at the yacht and country club gym.

the first thing i want to say is that troy is the epitome of a spoiled, entitled rich boy. the only time you will ever catch him in a target, walmart or tj maxx is to fuck shit up with mates. target sells clothes? he wouldn’t know bc he doesn’t care. you’re going to make him ride in a toyota? no, absolutely not. you’ve knocked into him down the street? expect to hear an earful. 

also this bitch is a gemini ok i hate that, i do, don’t come at me just love me. but deep down he’s a good guy. he’s just done bad things.

he may think that the world revolves around him at times and believes he deserves special treatments bc of his family’s reputation and wealth, but he will literally talk to anyone. like, he can talk that’s for sure and is one of those people that comes across as being “friends” with everyone.

toddler!troy was a very active, boisterous troy. he was always doing something and would put his all into it. whether that be imaginative play, puzzles, hands on crafts, dancing along to whatever was playing, he was a ball of energy. too much so actually, lmao. nap time was almost non-existent.

everyone knows troy for being the guy that doesn’t let things worry him, the guy that is easy going. what they don’t know, however, is from birth to kindergarten, troy had big separation anxiety which only worsened when ariana/byrson left. he was the 2 year old screaming his lungs out, banging on the glass window watching mummy and daddy leave him at daycare. definitely would lay awake in bed late at night screaming and wailing for mum to come home when she left. he most definitely clung to dad for dear life in those young years, fearing he was going to leave too. luckily, for everyone’s sake, he managed to grow out of this.

touching on not letting things worry him, it is very hard to stress troy out or upset him. school work is getting hard? oh well. i just broke up with my girlfriend? meh. dad’s got another partner? what else is new? thoughts for the future? i’ll get there. he is very much a believer in things are meant to happen for a reason and doesn’t tend to take life too seriously ( except for when it comes to prized possessions ). with that being said though, when opportunity arises or he finds something that he wants he will take it and won’t stop until he gets what he wants. 

when he is hurt, however, he will bottle it and not say a single word. very closed off and tends to keep people at a distance or lie to them about his feelings when he’s down. 

he loves his family, even if they annoy the fuck out of him sometimes. he isn’t overly protective over his siblings bc he knows they can take care of themselves, but will step in when need be like a good big bro. 

troy thrives on fun and adventure and every weekend ( when not earning that lil bit of extra cash ) is a chance to travel. he would very much prefer to be off traveling, exploring, putting his curiosity to good use by discovering new things or partying than sitting at home being lazy. he is renowned for getting into clubs and it’s very much his playing field. clubs are his stomping ground basically.

secret.

this doesn’t like to be single, not really anyway. there are underlying commitment issues when it comes to relationships that are more than likely the root of the problem along with the fact mama left and papa has had various partners over the years. 

troy doesn’t need to be the center of attention as he already knows he’s the best, but he expects attention. he works hard on physique and appearance, putting his self-worth on the constant attention he receives. negative attention isn’t ideal, though he knows that only the best have their haters. being in a relationship is a validation to him that he is worth it, that his looks and who he is is worthy. it’s not healthy.

being single for too long gives him doubt, sends him down a downhill spiral of harsh criticism and he feels as though he is nothing without someone.

not only that, but troy actually enjoys the beginning of relationships. the charming smiles, flirting, the chase, going on those first few dates and being showered in compliments ( and giving them, ofc ). he likes getting to know people, likes the process of being strangers to being together, and he enjoys sleeping with new people also. the first touches, the way he can make someone’s heart race and how they can do the same to him. it’s enticing, addicting like drugs. all the way to the honeymoon phase. 

he knows it isn’t love, not matter what his lover at the time says. he has never said it, and probably never will ( we’ll see ). troy is in love with the idea of loves, and it’s sad. 

the boy’s relationships tend to last a couple of months at the very most. when that honeymoon phase starts to wear off, when he’s had the sex he needs and feels as though that partner is not doing anything for him anymore... he’s out. any work that needs to be put into a relationship to make it work or when a solid, deep and emotional connection is meant to start forming, he’s done. 

break ups are not easy for most people, but for troy it’s nothing. it’s as easy as getting dressed in the morning. douchebag i know fuck me dead.

connections.

best friend / bromance ( 0/1 ): this is someone that troy has known for years, possibly from high school or even the start of college. ppl joke that these two are together, and at times they run along with it for shits and giggles but they’re just very close.

friends with benefits ( 0/2 ): these are two people that he “sees” in between relationships ; they get along outside of the bedroom, but they never cross the line ( maybe ). booty calls, not talking for two months and then randomly showing up again.

enemies ( 0/x ): this bitch has to have enemies, whether that’s bc of his family or he’s done something to hurt them, he has them. gimme !

fellow college kids ( 0/x ): this goes out to anyone that goes to college at boston uni/harvard. i’m sure they’ve all partied by now lmao. 

exes ( 0/x ): this i need pls and thank you! troy is bisexual so he’s been many good looking guys and gals. these would range from when he was in high school ( 15ish ) to now. i am totally up for brainstorming everything about this connection.

current partner ( 0/1 ): i have in mind that this is completely new, very much in the stages of getting to know one another, flirting, eager texting, all that stuff. chemistry is key and depending on what happens, this may only last a lil while pls and thank !  

squad ( 0/4-5 ): this would include the best friend, but gimme that clique that fucks around doing the most random and strangest shit. envision them doing this whilst waiting for take off to their weekend get away. lots of pranks being played on one another, go to the gym together, pulling fire alarms in hotels, all that jazz !

[sichengjpeg]

50 Questions Tag

tagged by: @winwinshie​ thanks! 

What takes up too much of your time? the internet,,, ha

What makes your day better? waking up early!

What’s the best thing to happen to you today? talked to a friend i haven’t talked to for a while 😗👉👈

What fictional place would you like to go to? was gonna say the avatarverse (the show not the movie) but with my luck i probably would’ve ended up as the cabbage cart guy,,,, so hogwarts provided jk rowling never alters my character details for brownie points 🤩

Are you good at giving advice? so i’ve been told :]

Do you have a mental illness? not that i know of

Have you ever experience sleep paralysis? not yet 

What musician inspired you the most? n/a 😭

Have you ever fallen in love? hmmm i don’t thnik so

What’s your dream date? im boring so idk eating talking and sleeping anywhere scenic and quiet

What do others notice about you? unexpectedness

What’s an annoying habit you have? reading and reviewing aloud when i need to remember information for later HAHAHA I’VE BEEN TOLD IT’S A PAIN IN THE ASS TO STUDY NEXT TO ME

Do you still talk to your first love? dot dot dot

How many exes do you have? 0

How many songs are in your playlist? 157 but i’m adding like 20 songs and taking some out over the weekend

What instruments can you play? piano but barely

What do you have the most pictures of? outings!

Where would you like to go before you die? japan & santorini

What’s your Zodiac? gemini ♊

Do you relate to it? yeah

What is happiness to you? transient and ever-changing

Are you going through anything right now? i am but like isn’t everybody

What’s the worst decision you ever made? my bad decisions all have pros and cons ://

What’s your favorite store? don’t have one!

What’s your opinion on abortion? i know jackshit about either side 😭

Do you keep a bucket list? nooo

Do you have a favorite album? i don’t have an all-time fave but the ones i loved over the years were: death of a bachelor (even if i didn’t like the title track :[]), after laughter, and if OSTs count we HAD TO INCLUDE GOTG’S AWESOME MIXES

What do you want for your birthday? money HAHAHAHA

What are most people’s first impressions of you? that i’m really short and ironically intimidating for reasons i don’t understand,,, i have an idea where that assumption comes from tho so i just try to assure ppl i’m not whatever they’re thinking :|

What age do you seem according to most people? way younger than i am 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? bedside table

What word do you say the most? “lmao”

What’s the oldest age you would date? 3 yrs older tho i expect that to change with age. you know how a 13yo and 18yo sounds fucked up but 21yo and 26yo doesn’t really?

What’s the youngest age you would date? 2 yrs younger. yeah im a hypocrite

What job/career do most people say would suit you? lawyer 😳 the way i can barely pay for undergrad says otherwise

What’s your favorite music genre? alt rock, rap, pop, alt ballad

If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? not sure!

What are your current favorite songs? lucky strike, breakthrough, juicy (don’t judge me), solo, been a while, pretty little fears

How long have you had this blog for? since sept/oct??

What are you excited for? WAYV VARIETY SHOW / WAYV LIFE / STORY OF SEVEN BROTHERS / WEISHENV BONANZA EXTRAVAGANZA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you a better talker or listener? talker,,, :[]

What is the least productive thing you did? sleeping til lunch

What do you want for Christmas? roadtrip opportunity!!!!! it’ll be less than 30 degrees by then so the ideas are endless!!!!! and i can wear winter gear again!!! by winter gear i mean a cardigan 

What class do you get the best grades in? english & trigo

On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? 7

What can you see yourself doing in ten years? hopefully getting my life together

When did you get your first heartbreak? eh

What age do you want to get married? that’s still very far

What career did you want to have as a child? detective O3O

What do you crave right now? HARDEES

tagging: it feels too awkward to tag so dm me if u wanna do this and i’ll put u on the list ha ha 

[seokoloqy]

50 Questions Tag 🏷

Thanks for tagging me @stuipdgirlxbtsx !! 💕

1. What takes up too much of your time?

Classes lmao

2. What makes your day better? Sitting down and eating finally sldjks

3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today?

I...woke up??? Nothing rlly happened today

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

Atla universe lmao BITCH I WANNA WATER BEND

5. Are you good at giving advice?

Hell n o I’m terrible I’ll listen to you rant but that’s about all I can offer sorry :(

6. Do you have any mental illness?

Probably, probably not I’ve never been to a psychiatrist before it’d prob be nice to visit one eventually and see

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

No thank gOD sometimes ppl see scary shit and I think I’d have a heart attack

8. What musician inspired you the most?

Bts! Inspiring me to love myself :’)

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

No maybe whenever I see my favorite food or my dogs but w a person other than bts?? Nah

10. What’s your dream date?

A fair! There are endless things to do at a fair you can eat a fuck ton of unhealthy food, play games, go on rides yeah...

11. What do others notice about you?

How quiet I am lmao

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

I repeat things I’ve already said a lot when I feel awkward I think I get it from my mom haha

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

Never had one 🤧

14. How many exes do you have?

A big fat zeroooo

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

I have many playlists for different things so I dunno an average of 20

16. What instruments can you play?

I can play the violin, trumpet, ukulele and clarinet vv badly

17. What do you have the most pictures of?

My dogs probably

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

A bts concert pls just once

19. What is your zodiac?

Gemini

20. Do you relate to it?

I don’t know anything about astrology so I have no idea

21. What is happiness to you?

Being surrounded by ppl I love uwu

22. Are you going through anything right now?

UH IM ALWAYS GOING THROUGH IT

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made?

I make a lot of bad decisions I can’t remember

24. What’s your favorite store?

Target lmao I always go there for absolutely no reason I just... love target

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

PRO CHOICEEEEEE

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

Nope

27. Do you have a favorite album?

Can’t decide

28. What do you want for your birthday?

Gallons and gallons of ice cream so I can drown myself in it

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

That I’m quiet asfuck and I seem sad bc apparently I look sad all the time which I am

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

12. I look like a child

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

Under my pillow...that’s so bad Ik

32. What word do you say the most?

Like or fuck they’re just my sentence enhancers lmao

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

25

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

17

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

Once a girl told me I’d be a good psychiatrist bc I listened to her rant about her boy problems for an entire 50 mins

36. What’s your favorite music genre?

I listen to everything except country so I don’t know

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

Have noooo clue

38. What is your current favorite song?

La Vie en Rose by Daniela Andrade it’s so calming

39. How long have you had this blog for?

Like...4 years??? Maybe??? It hasn’t been a bts blog that long tho

40. What are you excited for?

SUMMER BREAK

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

Listener. I don’t like talking haha

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

I went to class

43. What do you want for Christmas?

A pony jk jk I don’t get presents for Christmas bc I’m a bad girl

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

English

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

3 I’m hungry

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

Thinking of this makes me sad bc I can’t see anything yikes

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

I wanted to be a designer which is weird bc I can’t dress myself for shit or director

47. When did you get your first heartbreak?

Never

48. What age do you want to get married?

25 maybe????

50. What do you crave right now?

That sandwich in my fridge

TAGGING: I dunno I’m lazy rn haha if you reached the end of this I TAG YOU

[kisskissbanggang]

50 Questions Tag!

Tagged by sublime @rubyyong 💕

1.What takes up too much of your time?

Procrastinating! (Or work lately)

2. What makes your day better?

The sun on my face and a cup of coffee.

3. Whats the best thing to happen to you today?

Ugh I made some delicious fried rice for breakfast this morning, and it's my day off!

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

One of the first settings that really drew me in was The Matrix to be completely frank with you. Or I really enjoy the waste and weird world of the Tank Girl series.

5. Are you good at giving advice?

Good at giving, but not taking.

6. Do you have a mental illness?

The therapist said I had mild anxiety and PTSD 🤷🏻‍♀️

7. Have you ever experience sleep paralysis?

Nope!

8. What musician inspired you the most?

Okay am I allowed to say Patrick Stump and how I still believe his musical peak has been his solo stuff

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

I'd say so. 👀

10. What’s your dream date?

I'm a sucker for day trips. Pizza Week is coming up in Portland soon, as is Burger Week. There's some national parks around I want to visit. The hotel used as the Overlook Hotel is about an hour away. Plenty I want to do for amazing day trip dates!

11. What do others notice about you?

Mostly, how much deeper my neutral tone is than my "work" voice I put on. Also I have a horrid laugh like a seagull squawk.

12.Whats an annoying habit you have?

Good at giving advice, bad at taking it. I'm a slave to my own desires, laziness being the top of that list.

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

Nope!

14. How many exes do you have?

Like real, pre-fiance era? Because if we don't count middle school past middle school, do we count high school past high school? Anyhow... Like 7? Or 8?

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

My wake-up playlist for my commute is about thirty songs?

16. What instruments can you play?

I used to play saxophone more than a decade ago lmao

17. What do you have the most pictures of?

Selfies and food.

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

Someone bring me to Australia pls.

19. Whats your Zodiac?

Sun sign: Capricorn

Moon sign: Aries

Ascending: Gemini

Chinese: Rooster

20. Do you relate to it?

My natal chart is pretty accurate, I'd say!

21. What is happiness to you?

Happiness is akin to contentedness for me. If I'm content and pleased, whether that's with hard work or relaxing, then I'm pretty happy. I like meeting my goals.

22. are you going through anything right now?

Just getting used to my new job and trying to balance writing with that!

23. Whats the worst decision you ever made?

Oof. Some of the worst are guy related, but I've started some bad fights in this relationship. I have an amazing relationship but it really is work.

24. Whats your favourite store?

Daiso!

25. Whats your opinion on abortion?

A right and sometimes a necessity.

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

A loose one, perhaps.

27. Do you have a favourite album?

Hey surprise it's Infinity on High by Fall Out Boy

28. What do you want for your birthday?

Awh I just had one a few months ago! I just want a yummy cake on my day off. Maybe a day trip to the skating rink!

29. What are most people’s first impressions of you?

Goofy or intimidating and little to no in between

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

Under 25 still, apparently!

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

Under my pillow when I'm using a regular charger cord. Otherwise it's on my charging pad on the nightstand.

32. What word to you say the most?

"Ugh"

33. Whats the oldest age you would date?

Does it really matter? Though you do tend to lose inherent shared interests the older you go.

34. Whats the youngest age you would date?

Refer to previous answer. 😘

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

Ugh people really insisted I should be a teacher. Thankfully my dude agreed that idea was bonkers.

36. Whats your favourite music genre?

Alternative rock or electro-funk.

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

I'm fine being here for now, but I've humored Canada a few times.

38. What is your current favourite song?

Come Alive - Chromeo ft. Toro Y Moi

39. How long have you had this blog for?

Only a handful of months! I started this blog right before Christmas.

40. What are you excited for?

SUNSHINE UGH I require photosynthesis.

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

Talker. I can speak to crowds, I can talk to strangers, I can make small talk. However, I do love listening. That being said, I'll speak for you if you think you can't or don't want to.

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

I just came back from the mall where I dropped off an Amazon return?

43. What do you want for Christmas?

I currently get the majority of my cosmetics and skincare products during holidays from my mother since she knows I don't want to spend that kind of money. I look forward to it!

44. What Class do you get the best grades in?

English and art!

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

Solid 6? It's a fair enough day.

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

Hopefully living in our own place with a couple of dogs!

47. When did you get your first heartbreak?

Awh, like romantically? I must've been 12? After my first boyfriend?

48.  What age do you want to get married?

I mean we're getting married next year 👀

49.  What career did you want to have as a child?

I wanted to be a zookeeper or marine biologist or a movie director! And I did end up studying something akin to one of those.

50.  what do you crave right now?

Someone make me some s'mores my sweet tooth has been killing me.

Tagging: @wildernessuntothemselves @00-k @ultimate-kpop-trash-scenarios @justanotherblackchick @taurusjaehyun 💕💕💕