#i am suffering from bad artblock

[genesisforreal]

Jogo again

Ft uh Gojo

[just-a-carrot]

Could I ask for 9 and 20 for the Artist Ask Game?👀

9. What's the longest you've ever suffered from artblock?

Ohhhh... hmmm... that's hard... I feel like, mmm, when I get art block, it's not so much that I can't draw (or write) at all, it's more so that I can't work on the same thing anymore, even if I technically want to and/or know I should. I've never really had a time where I just couldn't draw for days on end. But I've had many days where I could only draw one thing and nothing else for days on end. Or where I couldn't even bear to open up Ren'Py even though I knew I should. I had a few times like this during production. After finishing Arc 4 I did Spooktober and then after that had a major game dev block for a few months where I barely got started on Arc 5. Then after Arc 5.2 an even worse one. Which is why I made OC instead. Then I feel like I've been in the middle of a major block since releasing the finale I'll be honest. There have been many days, weeks, months, where I've only been able to draw stuff that brings me intense self-indugent happiness as you've probably noticed LOL and I just feel unable to draw anything else. Though I've had spurts of inspiration. When I first started working on the remaster was one of them, suddenly filled with motivation, then I hit another huge slump and I've been barely able to touch it. Then I started BT and became filled with inspiration again. But even with that I still have slumps where I just can't bring myself to draw. And I still find it hard to draw anything that's not something I'm incredibly compelled to draw. I guess I don't know if that's art block or not but it feels like it as that's not how I felt during most of production.

20. What motivates/inspires you artistically? (topics, emotions, etc)

Genzy I mean I kid but it's true in a way LOL harking back to the previous question and just being completely mentally blocked to work on anything that doesn't deeply resonate inside of me. But more seriously, I would say anything that tugs fiercely on my heart. Very deep emotions that touch me to the core. Sometimes I feel like so many things in life, stories, experiences, just leave me numb and cold. I need things that are very intense to make myself feel alive. Sometimes that is thoughts of love. Especially yearning. Love with pain. The longer and more painful it is the better LOL Also just tragic love in general. Whether fulfilled or unfulfilled. I also am really moved by tragic things in general. Stuff that makes my heart hurt so bad it feels real. This is also why I like horror but not in the jumpscare kinda way but more in the intense emotions it brings out in characters. The way they react to things. The drop you feel in your gut when the world comes crashing down. The tragedy that horror can create. I guess. I don't know gjfjdjd I feel like I seek out intense emotions in stories the way I seek out intense flavors and intense sensations and intense brain-go-buzz music. Because I want to feel things that will take me away from life and reality.

[rosellabascomacapinlac]

Kaneto wants to go inside in uterus

That Kaneto wants Onioc to rape me without birth control. Kaneto wants Onioc to be my dominant male and my forever soulmate. Onioc’s appearance is completely hideous, he is a homeless slum who has no job and he kept begging me for my money. Then Castlevania fans and SFEX supported that man, to be a dominant male like the other Castlevania fan boy introduced me to that filthy ugly dumb man and suggested me that man will be my forever soulmate husband. Plus Castlevania vampires sucked my energies to make me lazy in real life and performed a power absorptions to steal my beautiful abilities like drawings and piano composing that I will suffer in artblocks and creative blocks in real life. Castlevania fans threw me to the community of misogynists where met Sriram Bronzo met me and that same Sriram made my entire life a living hell, all SFEX fans and FEXL fanboys are never be trusted because I am not a stupid fool and I have lost my faith to the Castlevania fans because of what they’ve done after they recognized I disliked Castlevania to free myself from being a punching bag in distress.

my 2016 until 2022 completely hellishly ruined because of a real life “Slaughter Breeding” , they want me to give birth babies for many times and my drawings and designs are stolen without credited me and paying me with real money. I want money to survive but not for being promiscuous and wenching.

My entire young age of 24 until 29 years old have been truly destroyed and wasted in the hands of those dislikable misogynists, war freaks, creeps, kidnappers, peepers, spies, clothes rippers, and brain washers who took control of my mind, that they will do something bad on me and my virginity if they want and they will do on me whatever they want. Of course they are faking of being rich payer, good guys, and handsome that they lure me to have some sex without birth controls and they want me pregnant for their amusements and they want my body completely damage for their amusement. Those misogynists wants to be macho for sex without birth control, they are such a disgusting pesky animals in real life. they hypnotized me that I will a lovable breedable fool.

Another evil acts they committed, they stole my drawings without paying me and credited me (Even though I wasted my coloring tools and my efforts. They controlled me that I should work for them, they want me to work for them for free and they’re being super spoiled) but they abused me mercilessly. I want those creepy kidnappers to get punished in real life to avenge my stolen drawings, lost money, wasted efforts, wasted youth, and especially to my threatened reproductive organs.

THATS WHY I HATE CASTLEVANIA BUT ESPECIALLY SFEX AND FEXL

[allisonsylvine]

did someone say Jaya or just Nya???

[degenerateshinji]

DAY 1

I like it when they homosexually fight each other

[applegelstore]

Hey! Just wanted to drop by and say I really love your art and seeing your content! Along with the ideas you speak of sometimes. It's so nice to see because it looks like you enjoy what you do. It's an inspiration, really. I also wanted to ask, what's your inspiration? And what keeps you motivated? And this next one might be a bit personal, but do you have moments of self doubt? How do you deal with it?

Hi! First of all, thanks a lot for the ask, I don’t get personal questions about my art very often, so it’s very cool to see that some people are actual people and not porn bots, and are actually interested in the things I post!

Now for the actual ask, which I’ll totally have to divide into parts. I’ll also set a cut because it got hella long. Now, let’s go!

I have a very bad habit of word vomiting whenever I post art. It’s not only ever since I’ve started binge drawing Zesty fanart, I’ve pretty much always been like this ever since I started posting art on the internet about… 12 years ago at the very least?It used to be a lot of musing about the art itself (like, “what do you think, should I have tried this or that?” or “I had trouble with this thing” or “I actually like how whatever turned out”), which is probably due to the fact that teenage me had still a lot to learn and wasn’t afraid to admit that and ask for advice. I mostly posted my art online to get some peer advice.Nowadays, I am still aware of my shortcomings, but I don’t talk about the technical aspects of my art that often anymore. Nowadays, I have two reasons for posting art online: 1) I’m trying to make a living out of this shit, so naturally I’m trying to make as many people as possible aware of the fact that I exist. 2) I just wanna talk about the thing ™. Honestly. Never underestimate either of these points. That’s why there’s very often so much text and ranting in the tags. Because. I. want. to. talk. about. the. thing. I have an unholy amount of sticky notes on my desktop with ideas of things I’d either like to do because I think it would be subjectively cool, or because it might be a good addition to my portfolio. (spoilers: the former usually gets done like a decade earlier)I’m very glad that the sparks fly over and it shows that I love the things I love! ♥The result is novel-length descriptions for single sketches and tag vomit, though, lol.

“I also wanted to ask, what’s your inspiration?”

There’s no easy answer to that. First of all, it sounds a bit as if I was actively looking for inspiration. Which I am not. As I said, I rather have too many ideas and end up scrapping an unholy amount because even if I only do doodle shitpost sketches there’s no way I can do it all in a lifetime. I don’t know whether you had been implying that I actively look for inspiration or not, but if you did, let me tell you that I don’t. If you didn’t mean to imply that, no harm done.However, that doesn’t mean I don’t GET any. Because of course I get my inspiration from all kinds of places. I don’t watch a lot of movies, but I love going to the cinema and hearing the sounds and get eye candy (I love epic shots with the camera panning over landscapes and cool action scenes. Also, go watch The Secret of Kells, everyone). I always come out of blockbuster movies feeling like I wanna do something epic, too. I always listen to a whole lot of music, too, and there’s way too many songs that make me want to tell stories, and that plant pictures in the cinema in my head.(there was a time before Tales of Zestiria when I did original art and most of my paintings had some kind of musical inspiration lol. My stories, too).

Then there’s style and subject matter.Style first. I stopped aiming for a specific style pretty early on (like, late teens), and just accepted what came to me and works for me. The result is the weird anime not quite anime semi realism mixture that I have going, and the ratio usually varies depending on what I currently want to do. If I gave you a list of my favorite artists, you’d probably be surprised how little my own art has in common with theirs.Subject matter? WELLLLLL my original stuff comes from what I told you above, additionally, I studied medieval literature for a reason, and I loved mythological tales from my teenage years onwards. I’m much less enthusiastic about them now, but it used to influence my original art for quite a few years.…Also, I obviously like to do fanart. Like, a lot.

Also spoilers: I obviously love Zesty a tiny bit too much, because for no other fandom the streak of fanart has ever been holding up for two years and still counting without an end in sight, and I’ve never come up with any AUs, either. Usually my ideas went straight into original material, and this original material usually got top priority, but here it’s different, and I’m not sure whether it’s a good or a bad thing, haha. So basically don’t wait for my original stories* until I’m either a) done with the Zesty fandom or they’ve united and kicked me out or b) I’ve actually drawn at least four more full scale elaborate illustrations, have created the four or five AUs that I keep doodling for and ranting about, and I have finally run out of steam. Bets are up what happens first.

If you want specifics, it’s always easier to determine inspiration for a particular piece than in general. It can be so many different things.

* Although I still very, very much like some of my ideas and would actually love to do them. I just love to do low-effort Zesty fanart more XD. Shocking! But honestly, I am as surprised as anyone else that my muses shifted as much as they have, and mid-twenties me would never have guessed she’d fall into this rabbit hole in no time…

“And what keeps you motivated?”

I never… really needed to push myself to be motivated. It’s always been intrinsic. I had pictures in my head, I wanted them out. So I had to learn how, and do it. I have ideas in my head. I want to share them. I very much like this thing others have made. I want to tell the entire world how much I love it, so I do by drawing fanart. Simple as that.Positive responses (and asks like this!!) are a great motivator to POST art, but not to DO the art. The latter is intrinsic.Actually, probably TOO intrinsic. Because I keep drawing the things I WANT to draw and not those which would teach me new skills and thus help with “make money with art” thing. So I guess it’s a bit of a mixed bag, haha.I started drawing daily instead of just regularly at some point during my master’s studies, so roughly 8-5 years ago? Whenever I’m on the road or beaten by illness or bad feelings, I sometimes only manage very simple, super bad sketches, but it’s better than nothing. Luckily, it’s not like that every day (still more often that I’d like to, though).

If you’re wondering:Yes, I’ve had artblocks. Usually not in the sense of “I don’t have ideas”, but VERY MUCH in the sense of “I don’t feel like any of the ideas I have right now” and also “nothing I touch turns out the way I want it to turn out”. To all artists out there: it goes away. Believe me. Your stupid period will be over next week (to the guys out there: that’s not a joke. It DOES affect my general condition). It will be better the moment YOU feel better from whatever you’re currently suffering from.Yes, I’ve also scrapped ideas not because I didn’t like them after all, but because I tried and just failed repeatedly at executing them. Yes, I’ve had such bad times in life that I didn’t want to do ANYTHING. That included art. I just. didn’t. want. to. do. anything. Sometimes I still have these phases, but at least it no longer lasts for months straight without break.

“And this next one might be a bit personal, but do you have moments of self doubt?”

Pfft. Of course. Show me an artist who hasn’t. I’ve learned by now that you can acquire every skill you want. The question is whether you have the time and the will for it. If I had started drawing daily much earlier in life, and if I’d practiced more of the things I’m not good at instead of doodle shitposting, I’d be at an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT level than I am now. Even if I had STILL studied what I studied as I did (as I said, medieval literature, nothing art related). I’ve been drawing ever since I could hold a pencil and my parents have always been supportive, so that wasn’t a problem, I just wasn’t aware all these years that it could be something future me might want. Past me couldn’t have KNOWN. It’s okay, in a way. I can do the things I WANT to do by now. Not always as majestically as the ideas deserve, but it does the job. I don’t need to be able to do hyper realistic portraits, or hyper detailed interiors of space ships, for example. (it would be cool to be able to draw musical instruments tho. I’d love to learn 2D animation, too, but WHEN??) In short, am I aware that I’m not god and that my skills are limited in comparison to many other artists? Yes. Is that a problem? No.Do I doubt whether I can do my job, though? Very much yes. Because successful freelance artists don’t only need skill, they need to sell themselves, and I suck at that most epically. Do I miss the times when I didn’t even think about becoming better but simply drew for fun? Pretty much, yeah. Do I miss the times when I still had the ability to concentrate on elaborate, large paintings? Yes, I do. But I can’t turn my brain back to 10 year old. So I’ll have to deal with what I have now.

If you’re wondering whether I had moments of self doubt about my ideas, then, yes, very super much yes. I am convinced that the things you produce should be what YOU want to see. I want to draw what I want and tell the stories I WANT TO SEE AND READ. As I said, I’m doing it because I want these things to exist. Does it still hurt if nobody else likes these ideas? Yes, yes it does very much. It’s not even that I start thinking my ideas were bad, but that I start thinking “Nobody understands me and nobody will ever be able to like me because they don’t like my ideas, and my ideas are part of me”. Which is true, but it is ALSO true that you do not have to like every single idea some other person has to like them or be friends with them, I am aware of that, but if I may be honest here, it’s still a thought that I can’t quite get rid of, and still gets me angsty whenever I share some of my story ideas with anyone.

“How do you deal with it?”

I don’t. Ahem. Truth be told, I never really developed a proper coping mechanism for failures, and I don’t exactly like that about myself, but I still haven’t found a proper solution. As much as I stress that I do the things I do because I actually want to, I also told you that it scares me to see people disagreeing. It’s not only art related, whenever I feel I messed something up (school ie. marks, socialisation, whatever), it eats at me for days or even weeks until something positive happens (like, better marks, a compliment, anything). I don’t really like it, mostly because it starts a vicious cycle, but that’s how it is. I had surprisingly little problems with that during my university years because I had good marks, but I still mess up at least 50% of all the social interaction I do. It’s not always that easy with art, either.Story time.I remember one conversation with an artist who’s teaching art classes at my (ex) university, like, portrait drawings and flower paintings. So at some point when I started trying to live on art, I asked her whether she’d be interested in offering classes for other art styles as well, like comic drawing classes. She said she’d be interested, so I wanted to talk to her in person, but she never replied to that email reply. I decided to be bold for once, grabbed my portfolio, and went to her after one of her classes to show her what I’m doing. Put on the spot, she admitted that she didn’t reply any further because she didn’t like what I was doing. It was good from a technical aspect, but it seemed dull and uninspired to her, like something she had seen too many times already.I was devastated.I’ve always had to deal with underwhelming responses from peers and friends, too, but I also got some really sweet reactions and genuine support, so it was kind of a mixed bag, overall. I wasn’t used to that kind of harsh rejection of who I am.

Am I also very, VERY petty and jealous? Hell, yes. I get VERY jealous whenever I see people whose art is on my level or below but they still manage to make money with it, and have 10-100 times the amount of followers I have and/or get more enthusiastic responses online. It just makes me angry. The only way of coping I’ve ever found is stay the fuck away. I KNOW that it’s not these people’s fault if I’m jealous, and goddamn, freelance artist life is hard enough as it is. We don’t need to tear other apart. Surely they worked their asses off to be where they are. Heck, I’m friends with some. I keep away from those people so I can calm down and stop being angry, before I start lashing out at artists just because they get the attention they need and deserve. It’s not THEIR fault that I need money and also reassurance.

The only thing that ever worked for me to overcome any of these issues is just continue nevertheless. Keep doing what you’re doing. Remember what you love and why and JUST KEEP DOING IT. Even if you don’t see the point right now. Chances are you will see that point again. Maybe you never will. But IF you ever do, you want to make damn sure that you didn’t drop the ball in the meantime. There’s that saying that you can lose if you fight, but you can’t win if you never fight. It’s true. Be stubborn and show the world your middle finger.Spoilers: I’m teaching comic style drawing classes for the “rivaling” institute now. Always only in super small groups and it’s badly paid, so I don’t know for how long I’ll be able to keep it up, but it’s a start, right?

I hope that answered your questions!

Last remark: always remember, kids: you HAVE to produce the content you want to see yourself. Nobody is gonna do it for you unless you pay them. So. I’m doing it. Against better judgment, lol.…and watch The Secret of Kells.