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betatesterjeremy · 8 months ago

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[This transcript was written as soon as I could pick my phone up. March 31st, 2024.]

[Jeremy, newly a ghost, feels a wave of relief go through him as he makes contact with the phone.]

Jeremy: Okay, okay, okay, phone, got it, good, good, great progress being made here, I picked up an object, point for me, okay, okay, okay, okay, I’m fine, I’m fine, everything’s fine, nothing to be scared of, I’m normal—

[Jeremy’s anxious repetitive rambling continues for a good 5 minutes, his other hand clutching at his hair, almost ripping it out of his head. Eventually, he gives up on trying to say words, and simply hyperventilates. Then he drops his phone and screams, both hands in his hair.]

[He feels like he’s crying, but nothing happens. He has no eyes to cry with. He has no face for the tears to fall down. And so, as he cries, he is brought more panic at the lack of feeling, making the situation worse.]

[Suddenly, after 5 more minutes, Jeremy goes dead silent. The tears stop coming. He stares into space, unresponsive. He was found in this state.]

?: [Quietly.] Jeremy…?

[Jeremy jumps. Then, slowly, his head raises as he seems to look at the person speaking. He responds in a weak voice, scratchy and faint.]

Jeremy: … E?

[E glances down, then takes a few cautious steps forward. He opens his mouth to say something, but he can’t think of anything. The longer he stays silent, the more upset he begins to look. For the first time, tears start to roll down his cheeks.]

[At the sight, Jeremy tears up too, in a way. It’s heard in his voice. It breaks as he speaks again.]

Jeremy: … I’m sorry.

[The second the words are spoken, E closes the distance between him and Jeremy, before crouching down and wrapping his arms around him. He’s now openly sobbing into his shoulder, muttering jumbled apologies.]

[As soon as Jeremy processes E’s apologies, he hugs him back tightly, his voice shaking and fluctuating in volume as he tries to hold it together.]

Jeremy: No, no, don’t… You didn’t… It’s not your fault… I did it… I did it… Don’t apologize… Please don’t…

E: If I’d just… tried harder you wouldn’t… you wouldn’t have had to… oh my god Jeremy I’m so fucking sorry.

[Jeremy shakes his head. He can’t muster any words, he can barely think, so he just shakes his head. He hugs E tightly, as if he’s the only thing assuring him he’s still around.]

[After a while of this, E finally is able to form more than just a sentence. He’s still sobbing, that’s evident in his voice, but he’s gained control over his words.]

E: I’m… probably not helping much right now, am I.

Jeremy: The fact that people cared at all helps more than you think…

E: Um… Well, yeah, that would help, probably. But I meant the whole being dead thing.

[Suddenly, Jeremy laughs a bit. It’s quiet, but it’s there.]

Jeremy: Hah… Alright, be my g-u-i-d-e to the other side.

[E pulls away to make eye contact with Jeremy, or… the closest thing to it. His right eyebrow is raised.]

E: What?

[Jeremy pats E on the shoulder.]

Jeremy: Nevermind. It’s a musical reference.

E: Oh, I was in a musical once… wait, that’s… very off topic. Sorry.

[There’s an audible smile in Jeremy’s voice now.]

Jeremy: Don’t worry about it man. Tell me about it sometime. But, uh… first. Uh. It took me about 20 minutes to pick up my phone. So I could use some help here.

E: Right, right. Can you stand?

[Jeremy, upon attempting to stand, phases his legs through the floor, staying at exactly the height he was at before.]

Jeremy: … Ah.

[E covers his mouth with his hand, attempting to block his expression. It doesn’t work very well.]

E: Jesus, this is worse than when I died. You want any help there, man?

[Jeremy, if he could, would’ve shot up a playful glare at E.]

Jeremy: Stop laughing at me! … And yes. Please.

[He nods, and offers Jeremy a hand, his eyes become unfocused for a split second. E blinks a few times, and they’re fine again.]

[Jeremy visibly hesitates, then sighs at himself for doing so. He takes E’s hand, and tries to pull himself up.]

E: I’ve gotta say, you’re… doing really well, considering the circumstances. It was only your legs that went through, not your whole body.

Jeremy: … It can do that?

[As if on cue, Jeremy sinks a bit.]

Jeremy: Oh fuck–!

E: Shit– uh… I don’t really know what to– um, okay just… focus on being… not like this. Sorry I’m a horrible teacher.

Jeremy: Don’t get down on yourself dude. That’ll just make both of us feel worse. And maybe I’ll sink more. Which would suck.

[Jeremy takes a deep breath (kind of), trying to focus. It doesn’t seem to do much.]

E: I guess that could work, keep uh… doing that. I’ll try to pull you up.

Jeremy: Okay–

[Jeremy’s voice sounds strained, as if he were holding his breath. If he had breath to hold.]

E: [He gives Jeremy a very forced smile.] Don’t worry, man. This is um… natural. Very natural. Mhm.

Jeremy: No. It’s supernatural. Actually.

[E stares blankly at Jeremy, before letting out a laugh that sounds more like a dying goose than anything. He nearly drops him.]

E: That was terrible!

[Jeremy grabs onto his arm with both hands now, laughing almost as hard as E.]

Jeremy: Fuck, don’t drop me, haha! I know it was bad, but I don’t want to go to the Earth’s core!

E: I guess surprise cave exploration isn’t for everybody. Hold on tight, dude.

[E lifts Jeremy up, glancing at the floor, then Jeremy, he switches between the two points of focus before raising his eyebrows slightly.]

[Jeremy, although it’s not obvious to anyone, also glances at the floor. Nervously, he slowly lets go of E’s arm after a while, hoping to land on solid ground. And, oddly enough, he does. A miracle.]

Jeremy: So now I never ever get lower ever again. Got it.

E: I wish I could tell you how to uh… move without that happening, but it’s not as simple as it might seem. You get the hang of it eventually. I like to think I’m pretty good at it, 36 years of experience. Are you feeling good enough to try walking a bit?

Jeremy: I mean. When else will I be able to practice with someone with this much experience? I don’t think Alexander would like you being here all the time, hah…

E: The guy with purple hair?

Jeremy: Yeah, I saw him posting some stuff about it. He uh… yeah…

[Jeremy sighs, remembering the look on Alexander’s face not too long ago.]

Jeremy: My first interaction with the guy was him spilling ice cream on himself. I think he is, uh… probably not a fan of semi-intimidating people.

E: Really? Huh, well… he kinda intimidated ME today, it felt like he was looking right at me. It was a little freaky.

Jeremy: Yeah, he, uh… apparently can see ghosts. So he was.

[E freezes, and slowly turns to Jeremy, eyes wide.]

E: Oh!

[Jeremy realizes how nonchalant he sounded, and inhales (?) sharply.]

Jeremy: It’s okay though, he’s super nice, he’s kinda weird but I promise he didn’t mean anything by it. He’s probably just not used to seeing ghosts at the workplace. Or, like… anywhere? I don’t know how common ghosts are, actually.

E: Huh. Well… that’s… something!

[He sighs, and shoves his hand into his hoodie pocket, pulling out a small box and a lighter.]

E: Do you mind if I…?

Jeremy: Oh, no, go ahead.

E: Thanks, it’s going to make the whole room smell, though. Just a warning.

Jeremy: Perfect timing to try to step out of this room? Besides, I’d uh. Kind of like to get out of the room my corpse is in.

E: Yeah, probably. Good luck, Jeremy. And if you need help finding your object or whatever, I’d be glad to help.

[Jeremy faces away for a second, scratching the back of his neck nervously.]

Jeremy: Morbid of me, but I think I successfully placed one earlier. I can only assume that’s it. I don’t know what else I could attach to.

E: Hm?

Jeremy: Uh…

[Jeremy hesitates, but speaks anyway. Not without a quick glance at the screen in the room, however.]

Jeremy: Did you see Jenny’s post about my earrings in her testing room earlier?

[As E lights a cigarette, he looks off to the side, attempting to remember the events of the day. His eyebrows shoot up, and he turns to Jeremy. He looks… impressed?]

E: Smart move, earrings are pretty portable, it’ll be easier to get around.

[Jeremy nods, still looking off to the side. Kind of.]

Jeremy: Yeah, and I figured if it were some sort of sentimental object, it’d be more likely that… yeah.

E: Man, I’m sorry for calling you an idiot, that is so fucking smart.

[Jeremy laughs a little as he thinks back. His voice holds a bit of a sad tone as he speaks again.]

Jeremy: Thanks. I just, uh… wish I didn’t have to have shown off in this way.

E: [Nodding.] Yeah… it’s… not ideal.

[Jeremy cautiously takes his first step as a ghost, then the second. Slowly, he approaches E, and hugs onto him again.]

Jeremy: … Sorry again. About all this.

[E awkwardly holds his arms out, unsure what to do for a few seconds. He returns the gesture a couple seconds late.]

E: Hey, don’t. It’s… not your fault. You’re a victim here, dude.

Jeremy: How am I the victim when I hurt everyone else?

E: Were you purposefully hurting them?

Jeremy: I knew it probably would. And I still did it anyway. Like an idiot.

E: Jeremy, what other choice did you have?

[Jeremy doesn’t have an answer for that one. He just hugs a bit tighter.]

[E goes fully silent, not even the faint ticking is audible anymore. Instead it’s replaced by TV static, and Jeremy falls right through him.]

[Jeremy hits the ground, much to his surprise, but that’s not important now. He flips around to look at E, fearful.]

Jeremy: … E? … You okay?

[Nothing. He doesn’t even lift his head. He’s fully unresponsive.]

[Jeremy somehow manages to push himself up from the floor. He goes to tap E’s shoulder. And begins to panic as he makes no contact with him.]

Jeremy: E? E, please tell me you can still hear me. Please.

[Again, absolutely nothing.]

[Jeremy feels himself begin to hyperventilate again. He keeps trying to tap E, poke him, anything, something. But nothing.]

Jeremy: E! E, please, I can’t do this by myself, I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m clueless on my own… God, and if nobody can hear me, then I’m fucked. If I’m invisible, if nobody knows I’m here, then what’s–

[Jeremy cuts himself off with a cough, his voice having raised too much. He begins to shake as he tries to catch his breath. It doesn’t work. He feels himself tear up again.]

Jeremy: … E?

[Jeremy turns to stand right in front of E. He prays he can see him. Or hear him. Hell, sense him. In any way. Somehow.]

Jeremy: E!

[His hand twitches. Everything else stays frozen.]

[Jeremy tries to grab the hand that twitched. He tries from several angles. Nothing.]

[Jeremy falls to his knees. He curls into a ball. And he waits. And hopes.]

[A few minutes go by, and E finally moves again. He stumbles backwards, nearly falling over. He looks around in a panic.]

E: Fuck– Jeremy? You’re… still here, right?

[He finally notices Jeremy on the floor, and rushes over.]

E: I’m so sorry, Jeremy, I– Jesus, I’m sorry. Are you okay?

[Jeremy raises his head, much like he had at the start of all this. However, this time, he has eyes. But only eyes. They’re wide and afraid.]

Jeremy: … You can still see me? I’m still here?

E: Yeah, I can still see you. You’re okay, it’s okay.

[Jeremy feels lightheaded. He takes a second to process what E said, but when he does, he seems to relax a bit. Then he starts asking questions.]

Jeremy: What… happened? What was that?

E: I… sometimes I um… if I get too stressed, or something along those lines, I just… fully shut down. It’s been a problem since I died.

Jeremy: … I’m sorry I stressed you.

E: It was bound to happen eventually, I’m just glad it was here and not… somewhere risky. How long was I…?

Jeremy: … Maybe 10 minutes. I think.

E: Thank god, I can never tell how long I’m out. Once I missed a full week, it wasn’t very good.

Jeremy: Ah… That’s. Yeah…

[Jeremy stands up, looking around the room a bit. It’s easier to tell when he’s looking at things now that he has eyes. Unfortunately for him. His eyes stop on his own body again.]

E: Woah, uh… that’s probably not a good idea.

Jeremy: Sorry, it’s just. Surreal.

E: … It probably is, yeah. Just… focus somewhere else, you’re going to make yourself panic again.

[Jeremy nods, and focuses somewhere else. On the screen. No. On the camera above the screen. He stares at it for a long while. He hopes he can feel it.]

E: I think that’s better? I’m… sorry, I’m really not doing the best job here, am I.

Jeremy: Don’t worry about it, you’re helping me do better than I would on my own.

[Jeremy steps closer to E, pointing at the camera above the TV.]

Jeremy: Do you know what rat bastard can usually see through there?

[E thinks for a second, before jolting slightly at the realization.]

E: Oh. Oh.

Jeremy: I heard it beep while you were out for a few minutes. That usually means it’s on. Y’know what that means we can do?

[Jeremy sounds oddly mischievous.]

E: [Laughing.] Oh, FUCK yeah. Move over a little.

[Jeremy steps to the side a bit, glancing over at E for one more comment. He has a new feature. A smile of only teeth.]

Jeremy: Say cheese.

[E glances over at Jeremy, his teeth now unbelievably sharp. He looks just how he did in his nightmare a while back, except instead of fear or rage, his expression is full of glee.]

[Together, they both stare into the camera. And, if you listen closely, you can almost hear a panicked voice coming from the headset on the floor.]

[End of transcript.]

#fnaf ask blog #fnaf au #tw sui implied #tw sui ideation

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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 9 months ago

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AHDJAJSJANEHEHD DW I NEARLY CRIED WRITING IT I AM SUCH A SUCKER FOR LOVERS/CLOSE FRIENDS PARTING WAYS 😭😭😭 honestly though if he told me he was happy for me i would do a complete 180 and i mean I would whip around on my heel and I would literally hold him so tight I’m not even jk 🙁 giggles YES i had to top it off with beabadoobee !!! Don’t you know already stsg fans can’t be happy !!!! Okokokok to apologise for the sadness I have brought more poly stsg because I’m stsg anon and I can’t go a day without thinking of them 💪💪 .poly stsg x reader who’s also a sorcerer but is just a complete ray of sunshine. As in the world is exploding in front of their eyes but they’re js like ‘oh that’s unfortunate :(‘ and just generally tries to have a positive and optimistic outlook on the world n be kind to those around them (My fav type of people) but the funny thing is that wanting to be a sorcerer probably means that you stayed with satoru when the incident™️ happened — So imagine stsg seeing each other years later all cold and >:| but you were kept behind for whatever reason and they’re in the middle of talking to each other when you come bounding up behind satoru like “oh sorry I’m la- OHH HEYYY SUGUUUUuuu :D” ASGHAGSHA 😭😭 no because to be perfectly honest that would be me in that situation because I could care less that he left or that I haven’t seen him in 10 years ITS SUGU??? ILL TAKE THAT W THANK YOUUUU 🤩🤩🤩 ahdhs i feel like there are so many possible scenarios with poly stsg x sunshine reader aughhh!!! Hehehdhxhs thank u for listening to my brain rambles once again :𝟥 — YOU KNOW WHO (stsg anon) !!

STSG ANON MY BELOVED MY ANGEL first of all i’m so so sorry for how long this took me to answer T_T uni has been uni-ing lately …… AS ALWAYS U FEED ME SO WELL THOUGH pls know i always smile so wide reading ur asks !! :’3 they bring me sooo much joy i am opening your scalp gently and kissing your beautiful genius brain <33

AND GOSHHHHH THIS IS SUCH A SWEET SCENARIO PLS 😭😭😭😭 I LOVEEEE THIS SO MUCH this reader reminds me so much of haibara.. like i firmly believe this is how he would’ve acted with geto HAIBARA ASIDE THOUGH… this is just. so tasty. 😵‍💫😵‍💫 so sweet !!!

like .. a reader like this would completely fuck up stsg’s attempts at acting hostile towards each other because they’re just so sincere??? just happy to see geto again!! and i think it would hurt gojo and geto both because you’re still the same as before, you make them feel like you’re all still in high school, but you’re not and it hurts :((( i can see geto enjoying it though… he just gets all soft knowing you don’t hate him. he assumed that both you and satoru would but you welcome him back so warmly!! makes him want to pinch your cheeks the way he always used to <33 i think he would jokingly but not really so jokingly suggest that you join his side and you’re like… :0 PHDJFJ just all sweet and apologetic because you want to be with him and you appreciate the offer but you like being at jujutsu high…. and he just kinda chuckles because it’s such a casual reply. it’s so you. it makes him feel warm.

(… i also feel like this reader would be very good for stsg because, again, their sincerity and sunshiney attitude would essentially force them both to be sincere too and i think that’d clear up a lot of misunderstandings between them.. yes i am suggesting that this reader + satoru could’ve gotten suguru back i know it’s delusional but idc reader would go up to bleeding dying suguru and boop his nose and ask him to come back to them and he would stfu and listen <3333)

#IM SOOO IN LOVE W THIS AS ALWAYS #stsg anon i feel like we’re both connected through the stsg hivemind #every single thing u send makes me think so hard !! i have so much fun imagining these scenarios #geto would have suchhhhh a soft spot for this reader like they’re his little baby no matter what!!#his lil ray of sunshine <3333 #i just knowwww he’s jealous that u stayed with satoru instead of following him..#(.. but he’s also very happy bc he loves you both and know satoru will keep you safe. it’s just a little lonely without you around.)#ok ill stop im making myself sad LMAOOO #stsg anon i am hugging u so so tightly and rocking u back and forth 🫂🫂🫂 ILYYY #i hope u are having such a lovely day or night!! u deserve it !!! <333 #ask tag ✩#stsg anon !! ✩

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expens1ve-tvste · 1 year ago

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i would run to you if i could. it would be so easy. you always came so easily - you used to come so easily to me. almost like second nature and that’s why it’s hard still bc even on my worst nights i have to fight to urge to not run over to u and scream your name from the streets like a fuckin lunatic. especially on my worst nights. like that night my best friend did me dirty, n would have told me “welllll eca quit wildin out you’re almost thirty”if i wasn’t so embarrassing enough i would have held a radio over my shoulder and plead to YOU. I never owned one but i would have pawned one right into my existence, how fucking ridiculous . i hate how my cross street has your face written all over it. you’re right above my favourite fucking bar. you’re fucking there when all the lights in the club turn on, and i’m reminded that sometimes you can’t always block out the chaos that goes on in your mind. and all the mistakes that i’ve made come to light. FUCK it would’ve been easier if you weren’t so kind. when i tell you you’d be proud i’m going to therapy, i don’t want you to be upset to hear i realize therapy never stopped any of that fucking noise that went on in my head, i still see red. the chaos went away when you came around- that’s not the fucking point though. i always fucking make it about me but it’s always been about you and i’m sorry i was a poo

it’s 2 am, sometimes 3 (if i’m lucky) and the lights turn on, then they turn off- and it’s everybody get the fuck out of the bar. i stumble to find my way across all the stupid bars within the “pump” and then i see us dancing that one night- fuck okay again forget it. that’s not the point. somehow i find my way out of it, only to see your lights are still on- and i’m wondering who’s lucky enough to see what lit up ur apartment - knowing damn well it was your smile. i’m pretty sure youre still being silly about pretty well anything you put ur mind to, gay enough to admit you’re still my very best view

I know we had our differences but fuck I wish things happened differently. i’m sorry and you’ll never see this and that’s probably better bc you’re finally moved on and i hope you’re happy now.

I hope your new girlfriend doesn’t only buy you flowers when she fucks up, i hope she buys you them for better reasons and I hope to god you know that’s how it was supposed to be- i hope you have the love you and i always cried about as children thinking it could’ve never happen for us

even tho it’s different now i still wish i could fix it all, but u know i’m still rooting for u

#poetry #adhd stuff #ex #drafts #gay #girlswholikegirls #lesbians #regret #i’m sorry #love #happiness #deep #things ill never say #sappy shit #sad #growth #draft cleanout

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zeptos · 1 year ago

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hi. i just finished good omens. here are my (not very) immediate (because i had to take about two hours to recover) thoughts

i was at a friend’s house watching so i had to drive home. we watched two episodes every session (i Needed to drag it out that long otherwise it would destroy me) and i would always come out of it listening to some sort of happy little music that reminded me of the show. today i drove home, front windows all the way down, in the dark, in complete silence. there were crickets.

I ACTUALLY FEEL SO GOOD AND PROUD AND GLAD ABOUT NOT SEEING ANY SPOILERS!!! somehow i really care about this show That Much and i blocked everything, didn’t go on social media, checked with my eyes before reading something with my brain LIKE i didn’t wait four years for this all to be donezo

if i had seen the leak beforehand i would have ended it all

like me when jim and window.

SPEAKING OF JIM BRUH (i will speak about him later)

i was drawing a silly little picture of Them when i started watching this season. after six days i have not finished it and only have the lineart. I CANNOT DRAW THAT SILLY LITTLE PICTURE ANYMORE. LIKE. MENTALLY. NO i will just be in flames!!!

i will be going through the stages of grief for the next few days. i went through anger and bargaining and now i will be in depression (lucky for me i literally just upped my med dose LMAOOOOO)

this is just like falsettos

I’M REALLY GLAD ACTUALLY that nina and maggie are on pause!! like i was honestly pretty worried throughout the season that they’d just shove them together at a horrible time and i was quite sure

but now i’m thinking about it more and AAAAAAAAAA the parallels and all of their flaws…😭😭😭them and all their flaws……….IT’S NOT LIKE A PICTURESQUE PERFECT FAIRYTALE!!! THEY DON’T RECOGNIZE IT BECAUSE IT’S NOT A PICTURESQUE PERFECT FAIRYTALE!!!!!!!!!!! TALK TO EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh my god flaws bastille

i cried during The Scene and by that i mean a few tears came out before i held it in to be able to actually watch the rest of the episode and i demanded my friend and i rewatch the scene because i really REALLY NEEDED TO CRY AFTER THAT I WANTED TO SO BAD however my eyes became constipated and it just pressurized my head and neck 😔

I HAD LITERALLY JUST WATCHED THE COMMUNITY EPISODE WHERE TROY LEAVES TOO WHILE WORKING OUT THIS MORNING!!!!!!!!!!! horrible day for media consumption for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AWFUL

unrelated but i *still* haven’t seen barbenheimer bc no one in my friend group can make a decisive plan (i <3 u guys tho) and i’m going to

need a rage room (diy bc those guys are way too expensive) because i am going insane

neil has ended me

neil needs to be convicted for mass murder

WHAT HAPPENED TO QUIET ROMANTIC SEASON

i actually really love LOVE LOVE how this season went…………..or at least ended…………….

i was scared that “quiet and romantic” meant nothing was going to happen and there would be no buildup to whatever “quiet and romantic” was and that would’ve broken me in a bad way

like i did not spend four years waiting just for tooth rotting fluff and heartstopper esque “suspense” (i’m so sorry i’ve never seen it this is probably so wrong) to tide us over until the next season where everything goes wrong again

I WANT THINGS TO GO WRONG ALL THE TIME. (AND THEN THEY MAKE THEM RIGHT THEY MAKE THEM RIGHT THEY MAKE THEM RIGHT PLEASE)

also the maggie thing!!

I ABSOLUTELY ADORE EVERYYYYY SINGLEEEE WRITING AND ACTING CHOICE IN THAT SCENE IT’S SO DELICIOUS OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD i would watch it for days and days and days I LOVE HOW SOMETHING AS SWEET AS A KISS BECOMES . SO. BITTER AND DESPAIR AND HATRED AND LOVE AND LOATHING AND AND AND THEY A. THEY ARE SO. I THINK DEEP DOWN HE MIGHTVE KNEW IT WAS HIS FINAL CHANCE…………………HIS ONLY CHANCE………………………………………………………

THE DISGUST THE BETRAYAL THE MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGHGGHHGHGHGHG

also the lip touch. twitter user michael sheen was evil for that stunt he pulled (i only heard about it from another friend after i finished watching and immediately called them to scream) (i also sent a no-context message to that same friend saying something along the lines of “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” and they immediately clocked me “i see you’ve watched the final episode of good omens season 2”)

bottom line: tumblr user zeptos rediscovers that they just keep liking pain and suffering. please send help

crowley was simply entirely fanfiction. this entire season was just fanfiction. like i guess that makes sense given the everything about its creators. and also the premise of the whole show is basically fanfiction LOL both in trope and subject matter

I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT AT SOME POINT. CROWLEY FELL AND HE FELL SO HARD LIKE aziraphale was GIVING early on and then at some point he fell harder

i was looking at temporary red hair wax literally yesterday (for mcr reasons help………..) and now i feel like i . have to get it now i have to i just need to i need it

I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT AT SOME POINT. CROWLEY FELL AND HE FELL SO HARD LIKE aziraphale was GIVING early on and then at some point he fell harder

i was looking at temporary red hair wax literally yesterday (for mcr reasons help………..) and now i feel like i . have to get it now i have to i just need to i need it

eating my feet and the walls and biting aziraphale’s head off like broccoli and chewing it up and spitting it out in the little leaves . and also burning it i need to BURN SOMETHING

to think i was just happy about getting the rift in dragonvale earlier today

to think i was just normal earlier today

i was so happy dragging this out

i think i’m even more devastated

to think for the first few days i was going insane about the apology dance. the good old days. and then the next few days i was stressed about crowley shooting his husband.

tbh i thought it was a good enough love story the first season (arospec represent ig lmao) and i didn’t realize it could get EVEN MORE LOVEY. LIKE i did not know a love story could haunt you with love in so many ways I THOUGHT THEY’D ALREADY JUST BEEN MARRIED FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS IN SUCH A TRANSCENDENTAL WAY THAT THEY DIDN’T NEED ANYTHING ELSE AND THEY KNEW EACH OTHER SO WELL……………………………so how am i supposed to feel when they ACTUALLY DIDN’T REALLY COMMUNICATE AT ALL AND IT WASN’T JUST OKAY FOR IT TO BE UNSPOKEN AND ETERNAL AND THEY HAVE TO ACTUALLY WORK OUT THEIR PROBLEMS INSTEAD OF BREAKING UP A MILLION TIMES AND HAVING THE UNIVERSE WORK IT OUT FOR THEM AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHGHGHGHHHHH

…like how am i supposed to feel when they actually aren’t in some sort of magical relationship where everything can remain unspoken and everything is great. and instead they’re HAVING HUMAN FEELINGS PINING LIKE HUMANS MISUNDERSTANDING LIKE HUMANS FLAWED LIKE HUMANS

LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN they can’t just stay like that [read: whatever the hell they were for thousands fo years] forever and ever?? what do you MEAN they need to be Official??????? i expected BAIT and DELUSION and all i’m getting is REALNESS i’m so upset (not really)

when nina called maggie angel. MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

i was keeping an angel count and i lost count

I DIDN’T REALIZE IT WAS ACTUALLY—

it feels like a totally different show than the first season. like not in a bad way just a Way

themes characters lack of newt/anathema sex scene idk

i wonder how adam is doing now

this is so dan and phil (joke i’ll kms now)

I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY HAD THE AUDACITY TO PUT LOVER BOY, A NOTABLE LACKING SONG FROM THE FIRST SEASON, SO EARLY ON OVER CROWLEY’S TRUDGE BACK TO AZIRAPHALE and then did T H A T

also not the “something terrible they’re going to do to me” being just. demoted lol are u serious

DID THE COFFEE DO ANYTHING???????? I AM SO BEGGING TO KNOW PLEASE LIKE it was so OMINOUS WHY

shout out to the canto feature i want to learn canto

SHOUT OUT TO THE FRENCH FEATURE LOL THAT WAS LITERALLY ME ON THE AP EXAM IT WAS SO AWFUL (and my experience after the ap exam was awful too lmao but no comment)

WAIT I NEED TO DO MY FRENCH STREAK RN HOLD ON

ok i did my french lesson one of the examples was “i love this tv show” and.

I LOVE JIM i hate gabriel.

seriously even through all the parallels i still am disgusted (half joking and like 10% real) (the other 40% is a mystery) (ineffable you could say) by the gabriel / beelzebub development 💀 PLEASE like it was so sudden to me but i think i may be slow and i also think (maybe hope) that there’s like. a more substantial reason behind this besides Suffering

WE NOTICED THE FLY FROM THE BEGINNING HEHE

in the predictions my friend and i made before watching s2e1, theirs came true in literally the first minute, and mine came true in e4………..before i realized today that there is a strong possibility i literally just saw a screencap of the thing i predicted (there being magic in the season) and co-opted it as my own idea. lawl

though i do also need to spend some time scrubbing through e5 to see if there actually was a ball—like physical ball like sports ball—in the episode

SCREW GABRIEL

neil.

i want donuts

there’s this chip (like hole type not food type) in between where my canine is connected to my bonded retainer and i’ve been fiddling with it the whole night and now i don’t think i’m going to be able to ever separate that again it’ll just be the Good Omens Season Two Chip forever and ever

and now i’m just so concerned over the wellbeing of everyone involved in the making of the show PLEASE I NEED MY SEASON THREE SO BAD STAY WILLING AND ABLE TO MAKE IT FOR ME PLEASE and also for yourselves i guess

i cannot do this

i was in a goofy fall out boy mood most of the day

well except for the planet bass mood i was in during like noon and seven minutes into e5 (someone said the word “danger”)

and also the air catcher / run and go mood i was in in the morning

i screamed a lot tried not to lose my voice

i had to GET UP OFF THE COUCH and start PACING that last episode

and also i ended up for the floor

and i ended up staying on the floor long after the episode finished

i was sweating so hard i did so much exercise and also had goosebumps from all that devastation

now i am a shell of a man.

i’m so tired

i am very glad that i missed the last half of my meeting today to go watch good omens. i’m obviously going to rewatch the meeting but like .yeah worth it

i’m so sleepy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CROWLEY…………….HE’S JUST LIKE ME………………………….HE JUST LIKES SPACE AND PRETTY THINGS………………………………………ALL HE EVER DID WAS ASK QUESTIONS…………………………………………………..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

every piece of media i consume, i am incrementally more glad that it isn’t voltron legendary defender

also i opened up about taylor swift and brendon urie’s hit song ME! again i keep doing this JUST BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT IT WAS THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL IN APRIL 2019 DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO CONNECT IT TO EVERY SINGLE THING YOU DID OR CONSUMED IN 2019

speaking of 2019 i remember seeing the original trailer and thinking THIS IS CRINGE AND ALSO BAIT oh boy look where we are now!!!!!!!!!!

i’ll die

i’ll kms (both of these statements are false)

i don’t even know what to do anymore

jim was iconic and i’m sad to see him turn back into That Guy

although when i noticed the fly i was like BEELZ. something sus. erm but i thought it was like evil sus and i somehow didn’t get it the whole time. like why beelzebub wasn’t concerned WAIT IS THAT WHY HELL WAS LOOKING FOR HIM i need to rewatch. IMMEDIATELy

i am once again speaking about the kiss. i am once again speaking about the kiss. i am once again speaking about the kiss. i am once again speaking about the kiss. i am once again speaking about the kiss. i am once again sp—

the. the grhgrhgjdfdfhgfkj

i screamed so loud but no one heard a thing

adding to the playlist as we speak

throwing up at the whole gabriel beelzebub thing like yeah conceptually sure they’re fine but i’m still throwing up

alright i am looking in the mirror and the reflection does Not look like me so i think it is time for me to go (od omens) to sleep GOOD NIGHT. i will add to this if i think of anything else!!!!!!!!!!

NEVERMIND MY MIND JUST FLASHED BACK TO THE FINGER TOUCHING LIPS SHOT AN DI’M GOING INSANE AGAIN HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO US. HOW!!!!!!!!!

sometimes i wish it all was bait (no i do not)

the edits are already destroying me and i’ve only seen two so far

how the hell am i going to make art

i am

good omens

now i’m reading theories and i’ve discovered there’s an entire google docs theory based on magic GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

#good omens #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 #good omens season 2 #good omens 2 spoilers #go2 #op

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mediocre-daydreams · 2 years ago

Text

(ch.1) what it takes to heal

it was fine until it wasn’t

pairing: james potter x female! reader

summary: your relationship with james potter is purely platonic; he's a serial flirt incapable of commitment. james is determined to prove you wrong. when you’re assaulted at a party and he’s not there to protect you like he promised he’d be, he apologizes to you the only way he knows how to—by helping you heal.

warnings: sexual assault (clearly described), implied spiking of a drink, alcohol, use of coercive language, mutual pining and mutual idiocy

w/c: 5.1k

a/n: a lot of this story stems from my own experiences and what i wish would’ve been said to me and what i wish would’ve happened. to other survivors: you are so brave. there are moments in the story where the reader is being reminded of their strength, and i hope those words resonate with u

“You are… pathetic.” Dorcas flopped onto her stomach, landing right in the center of Marlene’s poster bed amongst a mountain of thick-knit red and gold pillows. The latter girl barely looked up from her Transfiguration dream journal as she chuckled in approval.

“Am not!” You cried, feeling around from your place on the carpet for a pillow of your own. You threw it at Dorcas’ head with as much force as you could muster; unfortunately, your aim was very much off and Marlene was very much the unsuspecting target of your attack.

“Why, you-” she shrieked, jumping from her comfortable position against the headboard. “My inkpot was right on the nightstand and your bloody pillow nearly stained my duvet! Not to mention, I was in the middle of journaling a great dream for Professor Trelawney…”

“Alright, the girl’s sorry. Now tell us about your ‘dream.’” Dorcas adjusted herself to fit snugly in Marlene’s new position.

“Well, in my dream,” Marlene began, clapping her hands together dramatically. You and Lily listened eagerly, always enjoying Marlene’s falsified dream journal entries for Divination. “Our Lily here finally worked up the nerve to approach that pretty blonde Slytherin girl… oh, what was her name? Nadia?”

Lily’s cheeks darkened furiously, as did her expression. “Marls! There’s nothing going on between us, we’re just Potions partners!” She huffed, hiding her face in her hands. “…And her name is Narcissa,” Lily mumbled from within her shield of fingers.

“Just Potions partners, huh? Would you say that you two have a lot of chemistry?” You giggled, batting your eyelashes and pretending to swoon.

“Bugger off! I could say the same about you and James!” You sobered up very quickly, which did not escape the watchful eyes of Marlene and Dorcas from their bed top perch.

“Wha- Are you mad? Lily, that git’s been completely obsessed with you since the second year! I’m pretty sure James doesn’t even know there are other girls in existence except for you.” You looked at the flushed redhead with bewilderment, whose head turned to Marlene and Dorcas for support. They shrugged back.

“Did Sirius not tell- oh Merlin,” Marlene laughed, her head falling forward and her hair dangling over Dorcas’ face. “James quit the chase almost a year ago when Sirius and Remus got together. I’m pretty sure he took one look at Frank and Alice, then saw Sirius and Remus, and realized that his infatuation with our lovely Miss Evans here was nothing more than a childish pipe dream.”

“Are you sure? Because I knew about Sirius and Remus but I could’ve sworn he continued to flirt with Lily for months afterward.”

Lily groaned. “He stopped flirting with me after he realized I was interested in Narcissa, you twat!” Marlene’s eyes widened comically as her hands flew up to her mouth, unsuccessfully hiding a loud gasp.

“I knew it! I knew there was something going on between you- Dorcas, didn’t I tell you?” Marlene looked down at Dorcas, who patted the enthusiastic girl’s cheeks lovingly.

“Yes, you did, Marls. You’ve got a real knack for these things, haven’t you?” Marlene beamed under Dorcas’ soft gaze and sweet words.

Dorcas turned to you, all of that softness gone. “But no more beating around the bush! Would you just put us all out of our misery and snog him already?” Your mouth gaped.

“First of all, who is ‘us?’ And who is ‘him?’ And what in Merlin’s beard does snogging have to do with this?” You pursed your lips, squinting suspiciously at Dorcas’ completely ungrounded accusation.

“We’re talking about James, you idiot! James Potter! Godric, you are so deep in denial that you’re bordering on delusional!” Marlene whined, fed up with your antics. “Look me in the eyes right now and tell me you don’t feel anything for him.”

You looked her in the eyes. You turned your head to the side jerkily to hide the heat creeping up your cheeks.

Lily yelped victoriously. “You are so full of shit!”

“He asked you to go with him to Hogsmeade, literally last week!” Dorcas whined, exasperated.

“No, he asked me if I needed any new quills or more parchment! And I didn’t!”

“Don’t play dumb, he quite literally invited you to go to Scrivenshaft’s Quill Shop with him and then offered to take you to Honeydukes!” Lily screeched.

“Well, you know he and Sirius and Peter aren’t the most organized! I swear, Remus probably has four spare quills while the other three pass around one—and so they probably lost the one and needed to purchase a replacement! And Remus loves chocolate, you know that. I’m sure there’s a perfectly rational expl-”

“This is exactly why you aren’t a Ravenclaw!” Dorcas flung herself off the bed, pillow in hand, and tackled you. You both resurfaced with mussed-up hair and big grins.

“She rejected me last time, remember?” James laid on his back, arm draped over his forehead, lost in his own self-pity.

“Mate, this is just sad. Remember how cheeky you were with Lily? Now you’re too scared to ask a girl out?” Sirius called from the connected bathroom as he ran gel through his perfect curls, admiring his reflection in the mirror.

“But look how that turned out for me! Nothing ever happened between me and Lily and plus, this girl is different! She’s not Lily, she’s- I can’t explain it! But I’m not a stupid first-year anymore. I can’t just get plastered and get up on a table and confess my love to the entire common room!”

Lupin grimaced. “Wasn’t that the whole reason you planned this party?”

“Fuck off, Moony.”

Peter scurried into the room with a bottle of firewhiskey in each hand. “Guess who just nicked the best part of the night?” Sirius cheered, emerging from the bathroom in all of his glory.

“Alright!” He wrapped his arm around Remus’ waist and curled up against his side. “James, m’dear boy, why don’t you run off now and let the girls know about the party?” Sirius turned his head questioningly as James refused to move. “Oi, mate. Are you alive, or are you off having pre-pubescent wet dreams about her?”

James’ head snapped up. “You- don’t walk away from me!” Sirius and Lupin snickered and snuck off to the bathroom, presumably to finish Sirius’ multi-step hair care routine, but anything could go. James sighed, finally getting off his bed. “Do you have any final words, Wormtail?”

“Well, if you’re not gonna make a move, you don’t mind if I ask her out tonight, do you?” Peter smirked, arms crossed as he watched James’ figure disappear behind a slamming door.

“You lot know there’s a party tonight, right?” Dorcas sat cross-legged in front of a full-length mirror, her eyes closed as Marlene applied mascara for her with gentle hands. One eye fluttered open at the sound of Lily’s indignation, prompting a new dissatisfied huff from Marlene.

“Yes, I know, which is very inconvenient because I was going to be doing my homework but-”

“Cut the rubbish, Lily. You were going to go find Narcissa to do some extra credit, except Narcissa will be in the Gryffindor common room this evening partying with the three of us, so… any change in plans?” You interrupted, smugly.

Lily was silent, before heaving a heavy exhale and whipping her head around at you. “Fine. But only if you promise to do my hair!”

A knock on the door broke the flow of conversation. Dorcas jumped, much to Marlene’s frustration once more, and the former girl jumped up to answer the door with one eye of mascara finished.

“Evenin’, ladies! Messieurs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs,” he gestured towards his body at his own name, prompting a chorus of amused groans, “would like to cordially extend an invitation to tonight’s party, hosted by none other than the Maurauders themselves!”

Lily scoffed, though there was clear delight behind her eyes. “You four still using that ridiculous group name, I see?”

“It’s not ridiculous, m’darling! Merely a representation of our charming, boyish spirits.” He caught your eye and sent you a dazzling smirk. “And I hope to see all of your radiant faces there.” He held your gaze for a few moments more, before retreating from the doorway with a flourished bow and a light laugh. You heard his heavy footsteps trail off as you started into the space where his eyes had just been, seemingly peering into your soul mere seconds ago.

“You can stop with the heart eyes, now.” Lily snapped her fingers in front of your face a couple of times to break you out of your love-stricken trance.

“Sorry! I zoned out for a second…” You forced a few blinks, trying to remember what you had been discussing last. “Oh, sure! I’ll do your hair for the party. Do you wanna grab your things?”

You tied Lily’s hair into two long plaits, fidgeting with the front few strands to help accentuate her heart-shaped face. You smiled. “You look beautiful, ‘Lils.”

“As do you.”

You feigned offense. “Are you insinuating I don’t always look beautiful?” Lily broke into a laugh, scrunching her eyes closed. Marlene scurried over.

“Hey! You’re going to smudge your makeup all over, let it all set for a minute!”

It was always fun to get ready with your dormmates. They had become your best friends and closest confidants. So perhaps it would be wise to let them in…

“Do you really think he likes me?” You muttered, fidgeting with the straps of your dress. It was as if the three girls’ heads turned in synch, so quickly you swore they should’ve cracked.

“Likes you?” Lily wailed. “Not this again! Please, he adores you!”

“The bloke would jump off the astronomy tower in a heartbeat if it meant you’d go out with him. No, if it meant you’d even give him the time of day.” Marlene chimed in.

“I do give him the time of day!”

Marlene’s hands found a place on her hips, her trousers still halfway up her legs. “As if! He asks you out at least once a week and you always say no, insisting that it wasn’t even a date in the first place. You are literally blinder than he is!” Marlene squashed her face together in irritation, returning to her abandoned trousers.

You smoothed out your dress, turning to look at yourself in the mirror. It wasn’t anything special—a red slip you had borrowed from Lily, who insisted it looks better on you. green’s more my color anyway— but it was still unfamiliar to you. You looked wonderful, that you were aware of; the cowl neckline exposed the slopes of your shoulders and the shadows of your collarbones, where a small necklace with a lion charm rested just over your clavicle, a gift Peter had given you last Christmas when you had spent the holidays at the Potter’s. It was light and flowy and the fabric gleamed under the candlelit fixtures.

Dorcas came from behind you and pulled your hand into hers, sensing your slight hesitation, holding it between the two of you reassuringly. You smiled, speaking lightly from the corner of your mouth. “Dorcas, I think I might l-”

The door burst open to reveal Peter in outrageous house colors, with Sirius looking dapper behind him in a well-fitted hat. Your face broke into a splitting grin.

“If it isn’t the two most handsome boys of Gryffindor house!” You laugh, throwing an arm around each one’s shoulder. They were considerably taller than you, and you found your toes brushing the ground. Sirius noticed your frustration and swept you up, perching you on his right arm as his left came to wrap around your waist, steadying you. You shrieked, your hands immediately burying themselves in his freshly styled hair to find leverage, much to his chagrin.

“Sirius Black, you scoundrel! I’ll shove your pretty face into the common room fire if you drop me!”

He chuckled, making his way down the stairs carefully with your chest still smushed against the top of his head, refusing to watch your descent. “Don’t let James hear you calling me that, he’ll push me into the fire before you even get the chance.” The raucous laughter and steady pounding of the music seemed to set your heart into a steady metronome before you even hit the floor. You found your footing, trying to muster up the will to scold Sirius but finding the situation quite funny.

“I’ll admit, Sirius Black, that you are an entertaining method of transportation. But try that with me again, and I will do more to your hair than just mess it up.” You threatened, struggling to stay straight-faced.

The party looked nearly at full capacity by the time you and your roommates had arrived. A few people continued to trickle in from other houses, but as you surveyed the room, you were met with the faces of many strangers.

“We invited more of the other houses this time,” Peter piped up from behind you. “So you might not recognize everyone. But Sirius’ younger brother is here, he brought his Slytherin friends, if you want to go-” Peter was cut off by James’ booming laughter.

“Potter!” You squealed, feeling his strong arms wrap around you, pulling you into his chest so he could rest his chin on your crown for a hug. He smelled faintly of butterbeer.

“I saw Padfoot here carry you down; you tryna’ steal my girl, huh?” He looked pointedly towards Sirius, relishing the feeling of you in his arms and being able to call you “his girl.”

“Your girl, is that right, Jamie? I’m yours?” You wrangle yourself away from his tight grip, jutting your chin upwards to meet his eyes before Sirius can respond. In your peripheral, you can see Marlene and Lily wiggling their eyebrows and snickering not-so-subtly as Dorcas wanders off to grab drinks. He leans over you with a smirk, swaying slightly as his head drops to take you in, enjoying the flush on your cheeks. He knows it can’t be from the alcohol—you’ve only just arrived.

“That’s right, you could be m’girl you wanted to be.” He looped a hand around your shoulder, clearing a path through the crowd as he guided you towards the drinks. He had to shrink himself slightly to hear your voice through the roar of people.

“What’s in it for me?”

“What’s in it for you?” He looked miffed. “Other than being the object of all my affections, you’d have the famous James Potter as your arm candy.” You laughed at that. “Plus, I’d make all your drinks for you.”

He tipped his head toward the drink table. “What do you want?”

Your eyes flickered over the various juices and liquids, some colorful, some carbonated, and you felt out of your element. “I dunno. What are you having?” You met his gaze again, which had never left your face. Have his eyes always been that intoxicating? I remember them being really weird-looking when he was helping me with Charms yesterday.

“I’m trying not to drink too much tonight, actually,” he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, shooting you a lopsided smile. You raised your eyebrows.

“Is that so, Pots?” His long arm flexed over the table to get you a cup, concocting you a drink with a practiced hand. “You look like you know what you’re doing, Potter,” you mused, leaning against your elbow to observe his hands in motion. “You been taking Potions lessons with Lily?” He shook his head, unruly brown curls bouncing happily.

“Nah, just making sure I can treat my favorite Gryffindor right.” He handed you the drink, which fizzed quietly and smelled of oranges.

“Otter’s Fizzy Orange Juice?” You asked, watching as the corners of his eyes crinkled, with the semblance of pride in his eyes.

“Yep, with a dash of firewhiskey. I know you’re not a big drinker, so it shouldn’t do anything more than make you tipsy.” You smile gratefully, this time being the first to initiate contact. You loop your elbow through his and pull him through the crowd merrily, hoping to reunite with your roommates and perhaps take up Peter’s offer of meeting Sirius’ younger brother.

The crowd was all sharp jostles and limbs and bony joints, and you could feel yourself being tossed around as a natural consequence of the business of the party. James frowned, watching as you struggled to keep ahold of his arm as you practically dove into a sea of bodies, your face dipping between his line of sight as you dodged taller partygoers. You abruptly halted, realizing James had stopped walking and that you were no longer able to drag him around without his help.

“Do you want me to, uh,” James looked uncharacteristically shy. He gestured his chest, and you couldn’t help but laugh as he made grabby hands to entrap you as you moved closer. He held you up against his jumper for a couple of seconds, his hands ghosting over your exposed back with such grace that goosebumps grew from the skin where his fingers had kissed. You inhaled deeply, appreciating the welcoming scent of his cologne; he was all lazy Saturday mornings and freshly baked bread and a newly started fire. He was the indulgent beginning.

“Here, I was thinking I could just pick you up.” He bent down to whisper into one of your ears, lips not quite touching your skin (but his breath made it feel as if they were). He looked down at you from the lenses of his glasses, which had begun to slip off his nose. You pushed them back up his face, the both of you giggling stupidly as your hands traced from the tip of his nose up the bridge. Good Godric, he really did have nice freckles.

“You know what? It’d be unfair to deny you the privilege of being my personal chauffeur when I’ve already graciously dolled that out to Sirius. Please, be my guest.” In one fluid motion, he hoisted you until you were practically seated on one of his shoulders. Immediately, you hated it.

“James! I’m gonna fall!” You exclaimed, half panicking, half loving the adrenaline of being so tall that you could swivel and survey the entire room. He positioned your legs so you were seated squarely on his broad shoulders, supportive and muscled from quidditch. You felt his chest shake with laughter, which only made you cling your legs around his neck tighter. One hand clutching your drink, the other arm nestled against the side of James’ head, you could feel the heat radiating off of him and you could feel his hands pressing firmly onto your calves, making sure you didn’t fall.

As the crowd thinned and you found yourself by the couches surrounding the fireplace, where your and James’ roommates, alongside Regulus, had congregated, James made no effort to set you down. You were antsy for solid ground, however. “James, at some point, I do need to return to the ground. I wore trainers for a reason.”

“If you’re not gonna let me hold you all night, at least let me wingardium leviosa you. You’re too out of this world to be walking.” There he was, that flirty, cocky James.

He slowly sunk to the ground in front of a plush velvet armchair, which left you at the perfect height to clamber off of him and onto the chair without much effort on your end. For a second, you thought James might want to come and sit in the chair with you. But he wiggled himself comfortably in front of your seat, slouching so that his head could occasionally pull back to rest between your thighs so he could look at you. You found that you didn’t mind.

Remus, squished into the corner of a loveseat by Sirius, leaned over. “This is the first time I’ve ever heard you call him James.” Your lips parted and eyebrows furrowed as you tried to recall any other instances in which you’d called him James. Remus was right—there were none.

“I was just caught off guard, ‘cos he picked me up, and-”

James tapped your knee, trying to get your attention. You pulled away from Remus, who still managed to sneak in a knowing look before he returned to his boyfriend’s side. “Hey, I’ve gotta go check on something. Sniv- Severus and some of his friends are here, I’m gonna make sure everyone’s fine.” He murmured lowly, so that only you could hear. From this close, you could see the way his eyelashes fluttered as he spoke so quietly to only you, as his index finger ran swirls into the velvet cushion on a spot just next to your knee.

You resisted the urge to brush your fingers over the scrape on his cheekbone, the one he obtained last weekend after he tried waving to you in the stands while holding a quaffle in the other hand during practice—another chaser snatched it right out of his grasp, sending him spiraling. It had seemed funny then, but up close, you could see the peach hairs dusting his face, the freckles over his nose, and the faintest stubble beginning to creep along his jawline (defining it even more, to your fury). When he was up close, he seemed real. He was no longer “The James Potter,” but James, the silly boy who tried to hold both your and his books but would end up dropping them all, the smart boy who’d lend you his notes and edit your essays because he always got top marks (even though he insisted he didn’t care about academics), the sweet boy who had asked your mom for a home recipe so he could prepare it for your birthday.

“Bye, Potter!” You shoved his face away from yours and waved to him aggressively, heart pounding. You took shaky breaths, desperately trying to return your pulse to normal. To your horror, the first thing you saw once regaining possession of your soul was a crowd of slack-jawed friends, both yours and James’, who had observed the entire interaction.

“Holy shit,” you breathed. “I’m so stupid, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, you bloody are!” Lily practically apparated before you, considering the speed at which she had fumed over, cheeks tinged red. “He likes you so much! He likes you lots! I mean, he probably loves you!” Then, it was your turn to blush.

“Lily, you’re drunk. I can tell because you just left Narcissa alone to come and berate me and sober Lily would never make such a foolish decision. Go back to your lovergirl, now.” You shooed her, and she pranced off very willingly.

You picked up the drink that James had made for you off the side table you had left it on, swirling it a bit before downing the last of its contents. It had become lukewarm and a little flat, but you enjoyed the orange enough to want more. You excused yourself, rearranging your dress a bit before hurrying off to pour yourself a second, hoping to be back in time to catch James.

A sweet Ravenclaw boy had his back to you, topping off his drink. He turned, and you both jumped at each other’s closeness.

“I’m so sorry!” He laughed, “Forgive me if I’m a little out of it. This is my second.” He extended his free arm to you, which you took. He had a firm handshake, like James, and big, round glasses, like James. You liked that about him.

“I like your glasses,” you said flatly. He seemed to find your bluntness charming.

“Want me to help you with yours?” He used his own cup to point to your empty one, and you smiled gratefully.

“My friend said last time it was the orange soda and a bit of firewhiskey.”

“It looks like they’re out of orange…Otter’s, right? I like him too. There’s grape, if you like that. Or I could pour you some gigglewater?”

You were a fervent anti-grape flavoring person. “I think I’ll try the gigglewater! Now tell me, will it really make me giggle?” He swung an arm around you good-naturedly just as Sirius and James had, and steered you to meet his friends.

You were faced with a group of kind-looking Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, with a Slytherin who vaguely resembled Lily’s Narcissa in the back. You waved nervously, but they were more than happy to welcome a new member to their circle. They seemed like people you’d like to remain friends with. You made an effort to remember their names, but names had never been your strong suit, and you found them slipping out of your mind even more so today. You figured you should probably work on that; it does get a bit awkward asking somebody for their name the third time around.

Your drink-pourer was very gracious, asking if you felt comfortable, offering to hold your drink when you needed to use the loo, and he even handed you his jacket when he noticed you beginning to tremble. “I don’t think I’ve ever had this much to drink before,” you giggled, living up to the name of your drink. “Am I drunk?” You were a little dizzy, your fingers digging into the shoulder of your drink-pourer, who smiled kindly down at you.

“Yeah, honey, I think you are drunk. Let me take this out of your hands.” He took the cup from you, placing it carefully off to the side, returning to you with full attention. His hands rubbed small circles on your knees, as you fiddled with the sleeves of his jacket.

“Are you still cold?” He fretted, trying to pull his clothing around you more securely.

“Yes, but it’s fine, it’s not your jacket,” you puffed. “It’s this bloody dress. Well, it’s not bloody,” you giggled, “it’s red. It’s my friend’s dress. It’s nice, isn’t it? I think I look pretty. I think James thinks I’m pretty too… I don’t like how breezy it is though,” you confessed, putting your hands over his to stop them from moving as you pushed further into your mind for a train of thought. “I don’t like not wearing trousers. Wearing trousers are nice. You can just move around. Who even invented the idea of undergarments being a shameful thing anyways? They’re just fabric, and…”

Your drink-pourer brought a hand up to cup your face. His fingers were cold, and they dug into your cheeks. “Hey, everything’s gonna be fine. You’re with me now, got it?” He pulled you to his chest, his arm wrapping around your waist comfortingly. He smelled of quills and ink and alcohol.

“James?”

“Mhm?” The boy didn’t meet your eye, the arm around you only pulling you closer until you were on his lap, flush to his chest, the other inching closer to the hem of your dress.

“Can you take me back to my dorm? I’m sleepy.” His fingers slipped under the fabric of your dress, leaving teasing goosebumps as they crept up your thighs. The chill was a welcome respite from your burning skin.

He only hummed, patting your back as you settled your chin into the crook of his shoulder. He kissed the exposed flesh along your neck, and you sighed in contentment. He chuckled breathily, the hand under his dress finally coming up to fiddle with the waistband of your panties and the other toying with the slim strap of your cowl neck. You cleared your throat meekly. Before you could speak, the boy hushed comforts into your ear.

“It’s okay, I’m gonna take care of you. We’re gonna be good to each other, you hear me? You’re gonna help me feel good because that’s the nice thing to do.”

You nod mindlessly, his droning voice becoming static. “James, I think I lo-”

“What the fuck, Padfoot? She’s been gone for how long?” It’s as if a lighter is trying to light itself in your mind, but can’t get past the sparks. Something’s happening, you think, but you can only see it through minute bursts of light.

“You know that she doesn’t drink much! Why would you let her run off and get one herself? Are you daft? What the fuck, mate?” No matter how hard the boy whose lap you were currently in could try, the commotion around the fireplace had wormed its way into your mind. That far away, angry voice seemed much more familiar than James right now.

But this wasn’t James, was it? James would never kiss you. James was a good person, he’d never do that to Lily. So who was this? Where were you?

“Sorry, I think-” you begin to lift yourself from the boy’s embrace.

“Hey, where are you going? You can’t just leave alone, you’re drunk,” his hands tighten around your forearms until you yelp, beginning to flail in his grasp like a fish suffocating on air—with no regard for appearance, just sheer panic.

“I don’t know you! I can’t see anything,” you wept, chin quivering as fat tears began ruining’s perfectly done mascara. Godric, she’d be so upset. Your eyes burned as the makeup began irritating your tear glands.

Nobody liked a crying girl at a party. He let go of you without warning, sending you forward with too much momentum until you tripped onto the floor, the world spinning. Black was beginning to dot your vision as if small shadow fish were swimming across your line of sight, and when you looked around, the small fish grew into an entire school. It felt as if the whole school watched as you fumbled around the common room, eyes pinched shut and black trails running down your made-up face, your arm swinging wildly like a blind man’s cane. You heard something crash. Godric, I hope that wasn’t Alice’s new chess set.

“James? James? Can anyone hear me?” You were desperate, whimpering. You had stopped producing tears of sadness long ago—you were too dehydrated for that—and now, the only liquid on your face was that of your eyes trying desperately to eject everything that was preventing you from seeing.

You crashed into a wall. Great.

At least the wall smelled a bit like James. It shifted from beside you, but you were too tired to care. “Can I go to sleep?” You whispered, tilting your face upwards with your eyes still closed, not really asking permission from anyone. Because within the next few seconds, your head lolled and you drifted into a dreamless slumber.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

masterlist | series masterlist | next chapter

#james potter #james potter x reader #james potter x you #james & peter & remus & sirius #james potter x y/n #maurauders era #mauraders #maurauders series #the marauders imagine #the mauraders #sirius black #peter pettigrew #remus lupin

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jungwonenthusiast · 3 years ago

Note

hii can i request bestfriends heeseung and y/n who have never done anything together but one night while having a sleepover things just go in that direction 👀👀👀 (using prompts 8 & 12 please🥺)

A/N: this is such a cute concept i love it (u didn’t specify who says what so i chose lol i hope thats okay, I also made hee a soft dom)

Warnings: oral (f receiving), fingering (f receiving), unprotected sex, cock warming

Word count: 3k

You tap lotion onto your face as Heeseung pulls his sheet mask off. He pats the remaining product into his skin.

“You don’t even need that,” you roll your eyes. “Your skin is already perfect.”

“Jealous?” he teases.

“Yes, I one hundred percent am.” you admit and he chuckles.

You finish up in the bathroom and then plop onto your bed. Heeseung leans over you and grabs the remote on your nightstand. He clicks to Bojack Horseman as always then lays down next to you, scrolling through his phone.

You kick him in the shin. “Gimme some space.”

He frowns and sprawls himself on top of you. “What, you don’t wanna love on me?”

You laugh and try to push him off. “I feel violated.”

He rolls away, chuckling.

You’re scrolling through tiktok together when a video of someone joking about porn comes up. You cackle and Heeseung looks at you.

“How do you know about that?” he asks, wide eyed.

“What do you mean?” you ask awkwardly.

“Do you watch porn?” he asks and you turn away from him, giggling.

“That’s a very private question.” you say, covering your face with your hands.

“So you do!” he exclaims and he’s blushing too.

You guys talked about sex occassionaly, only when you were sharing stories about hook ups though.

“What kind do you watch?” he says, only half joking and you punch him in the shoulder.

“That’s an extremely private question.” you say.

“I thought we were for lifers.” he replies and you laugh.

If he were a female friend you wouldn’t hesitate to tell her all of this, but for some reason he made you shy. You still remember when you became aware that he was a guy. It was the summer before tenth grade when he grew three inches, his voice dropped, and his shoulders began to broaden. It was the summer you became more aware of his masculinity and ever since then, things kind of changed. Not for the worse, things are just different now.

You continue to scroll when another scandalous tiktok comes up. It said something about wanting to be dominated and taken control of.

You groan. “Why do I keep getting these things?”

“The for you page gives you things that it knows you’d like.” he remarks and you scrunch your nose at him. “What? I think it was pretty hot.”

You choke. “You’re a bottom?”

“No!” he guffaws. “I meant to be the giver in that situation.”

“Ohhh,” you say, trying not to get too embarrassed. The thought of him doing that to someone drove you a little insane.

“Are you?” he asks and you shove him.

“You weirdo.” you accuse and he holds his hands up.

“I just think best friends should know these things about each other.”

You shrug him off and turn your phone off. “I don’t trust my phone anymore, let’s watch yours.”

You scoot over to him and rest your head on his shoulder.

He scoffs. “I thought you wanted space?”

“Are you complaining?” you tease.

“Of course not.” He fake yawns to get his arm around you and you cackle.

He taps a gentle beat onto your shoulder while scrolling through instagram. You can’t help but tense up in his embrace. He had been a bit more touchy than usual lately; random hugs, playing with your fingers, adjusting your clothes, and tying up your shoelaces whenever he could.

“Wow I do not like this.” he says at someone’s prom outfit.

“Me neither,” you frown. “It’s kind of outdated.”

“When’s our prom?” he asks.

“I think in a month.”

“We’re going together right?” he asks and your heart skips a beat. You figured that you’d go together but him asking you made you anxious.

“Yeah,” you try to sound confident.

“Are we gonna coordinate our outfits?” he lightly squeezes your side and you squeal.

“But we’re not going as a couple.” you say and he rolls his eyes.

“So? It’d be weird to show up together with mismatched outfits.” he says and you nod in agreement. “Do you have an idea of what you wanna wear?” he asks.

“I think I wanna go more simple and do black.” you say and he groans.

“You always wear black dresses.”

“And? I look hot in them.” you defend.

“You’re right you’re right.” he accepts defeat and you giggle.

As the night goes on you slowly slump further into Heeseung’s side. At one point his arm goes numb so you scooch in front of him and rest your back against his chest. You’ve gotten used to being so close to him, and at this point you just wanted more.

His arms are wrapped loosely around you as you watch Coraline on the tv. He reaches up to run his hand through his hair but instead punches you decently hard in the boob. You yelp and hold your chest.

“Ahh! Sorry sorry!” he holds your shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

You can’t help but laugh through your pain. “Trying to make me lose a boob or something?”

“Noo, no I’m sorry, forgive me.” he asks, sounding genuinely worried.

Sure you were exaggerating your reaction, but what’s wrong with having a little fun with him.

You elbow him in the side and he cries out.

“Revenge.” you say with a smug smile.

He waits a moment before grabbing your waist and flipping you onto your back. He’s always stronger than you would’ve guessed. You yell as he climbs on top of you and begins to tickle your sides.

You kick around and try to push him off but he won’t budge.

“Get off, I’m dying!” you cackle from his relentless tickling.

“You asked for it.” he says.

“I thought we promised no tickle fights?” you grab a pillow to protect yourself but he’s quick to chuck it away.

“I had my fingers crossed.” he jokes.

You muster all of your strength and hook your leg around him to get him onto his back, a trick Jungwon taught you.

Without thought, you climb on top of him and pin his hands down. It take you a moment to realize what position you’re in. You both freeze for a second before bursting out laughing.

You fall onto your back, holding your chest.

“What the hell was that?” he asks, laughing. “Some fifty shades of gray type of shit.”

You kick him in the shoulder. “I’m sorry!” you say through a fit of giggles. You try to push yourself up but your legs are bent in a way that makes it a little tough. Heeseung assists you and pulls you up into a sitting position by your waist.

You’re still giggling a bit when you feel his nose brush against yours.

“Hi.” you whisper and he waits a moment before gently pushing his lips against yours. Your heart leaps into your throat but you try to stay calm as possible.

He pulls away (to your disappointment) and looks at you with wide eyes.

“Fuck, I’m sorry-” he says and before he can finish your hold his face and kiss him back. His arms snake around your waist and he pulls you flush against him.

You can’t believe that this is happening. You wonder if all the things you’ve fantasized about would happen tonight. Of course not, you’re crazy, you think. But you could already imagine with hands adventuring your body, touching you just how you like it.

Your fingers dip into the back of his shirt collar. You’re barely touching his skin, but it still feels so special.

His lips move to your cheek, then your jaw, then your neck. Your breath becomes increasingly ragged as his kisses become more open mouthed and messy.

He looks up at you. “Is this okay? Like do you want this?”

You nod eagerly and he smiles. “Cute.” he says to himself.

He gently rests you onto your back and traces your waist before pushing your top up. He peppers kisses all over your stomach and ribs before getting to the band of your bralette.

You blush. “I would’ve worn something nicer if I knew this was gonna happen.”

He shakes his head. “I like it, it’s pretty.”

You tug your shirt over your head along with your bra. He lets out a small gasp and you rush to cover yourself.

“Wait, no no.” he pulls your hands away.

“You’re making me shy.” you turn your head away and he chuckles.

“So perfect.” he says before softly kissing your chest.

You let out a small moan while running your fingers through his hair.

He slowly runs his tongue over your nipples while rubbing your sides. You can feel wetness starting to pool in your underwear.

You instinctively swivel your hips, looking for some kind of stimulation and he smiles.

“Do you need something?” he asks teasingly and you feel your cheeks heat up.

“Yeah,” you answer.

“What is it?”

You shake your head out of embarrassment.

“Well you’re gonna have to tell me or I’m just gonna leave you like this.” he says nonchalantly and you sigh.

You swallow your pride. “Touch me, please?”

“Attagirl.” he says and tugs your shorts off. “Show me how you like it.”

Your eyes widen. “Huh?”

“You heard me,” he says. “Show me first.”

You breathe in nervously before sliding your hand into your underwear. You circle your clit once and do your best to hold in a moan. He pulls your underwear to the side to watch you.

“Do you think about me when you touch yourself?” he asks. “When you’re home alone and it’s late at night?”

You nod sheepishly and he smiles. “What do you imagine?”

“I’m not telling you,” you blush. “It’s embarrassing.”

“Don’t be embarrassed. If you tell me, I'll tell you what I think about too.” he suggests and you accept the deal.

“I-I imagine my fingers being yours,” you swallow thickly.

“Mhm,” he encourages you while gingerly kissing your thighs.

“And,” you hesitate for a moment. “I imagine your tongue on me, and you filling me up. What about you?”

He smiles. “I imagine touching you like this,” he rubs his hands down your thighs and reaches up to pinch your nipples. “I imagine kissing you here,” he kisses your inner thigh, “and here,” he kisses you so close to where you need him the most and you quiver. He grabs your hand and pushes your fingers into his mouth. Your eyes widen and he smirks. “You taste good.”

You nearly cum just from seeing and hearing that.

“I imagine doing this.” He lowers his head and licks a gentle stripe up your pussy. Your thighs snap around his head and he pushes them back open.

“Relax sweetheart, let me make you feel good.” he says before delving into you. Your back arches off the bed right away and your fingers find his hair. Goddamn he’s good.

He circles his tongue on your clit, hungrily but still gently.

“Fuck,” you exhale and he smiles.

He pushes a finger into you with ease and soon adds another. You roll your hips against his tongue as his fingers pump in and out of you. You whimper as the overwhelming pleasure runs through your body.

“Oh my god,” you squeak as your legs begin to shake. Already? You think.

His fingers stay at a steady pace as he messily sucks on your clit. You tug at his hair and he moans into you.

“Please don’t stop.” you beg and he obeys.

Your hips begin to lift off the mattress and he pins you down, keeping you in place. Your orgasm pours through you like sweet syrup, leaving you trembling under him.

He comes up to kiss you, letting you taste yourself. You wipe your juices off his chin with your thumb then lick it off.

He watches you in awe. “God you’re hot.”

You pull his hoodie over his head and push him onto his back. Your fingers trace his shoulders, then his waist, and every muscle on his torso. You kiss him down to the band of his sweats before pulling them down along with his Calvins.

His cock springs up and hits his lower stomach. You slowly kiss up his shaft then waste no time getting him in your mouth. He hisses and caresses your hair.

He hits the back of your throat every time you bob your head but you don’t care. His head drops back with a tempting moan.

“Fuck you’re good.” he says with a small smile.

You stroke the inches you can’t reach with your hand.

You wish you could imprint this image of him in your mind: his head lulling back, his adam's apple bobbing every time he swallows, his brows furrowing, his mouth parting open. You’re almost tempted to take a photo.

You take him all the way into your throat and swallow around him. The moan he lets out sounds better than a song.

You look up at him and watch him rake his hand through his hair. His abs contract every time you come down on him.

“Just like that,” he purrs, sending heat straight to your core.

You feel so dirty with your spit dripping down your chin but at the same time, it feels so good.

“Such a good girl,” he coos. “Sucking this cock so well.”

You nod at him and he smiles.

“Come here,” he pulls you into a position where he can reach you better and squeezes your ass. He tenderly traces his fingers down your spine before slowly pushing two fingers into you. You whine on his cock and he smirks.

“Still so wet.” he says while slightly curling his fingers, you jolt and he chuckles. “Feels good huh?”

You nod and he pets your hair. “Keep going, that’s it.”

His fingers pick up the pace as your sucking and licking becomes more sloppy.

His moans become more desperate and when he expects you to pull off you keep your head down, taking his cum down your throat.

“Did you just swallow?” he asks you, still breathing heavy.

You nod with a smile and he pulls you into a passionate kiss.

He flips you onto your back, eagerly kissing down your body before lining himself up with your entrance.

“Fuck me please,” you exhale and he smiles.

“Of course,” he pushes into you and you whine from the feeling. He stretches you out just right. “God you have good pussy.” he moans and you giggle.

He leans down to kiss you and you whimper into his mouth.

“Don’t stop,” you plead and he kisses your neck, sucking and nibbling to leave a hickey. “People are gonna see.” you say and he smiles.

“That’s the point.” he says. "Don’t you want people to know how good you are for me?”

You blush and nod.

“Give me one too sweetheart.” he says softly while leaning over you.

You rub up and down his sides while gently biting and licking at his neck, leaving a pretty red blush on his neck.

His fingers trail down to circle your clit while grinding his hips into yours. Your eyes roll back as he does so and he smiles. He can’t stop thinking about how captivating you are. He can’t take his eyes off you. Which gives him an idea.

He grabs your jaw and turns it to the mirror next to your bed. “Look at yourself.” he says.

Your heartbeat quickens, not used to seeing yourself in this state.

“Look how good you take it.” he says and you can’t deny it, you look hot as fuck.

He looks at you watching his cock disappear in and out of your cunt. You drag your hands over your waist and go to roll your nipples between your fingers.

His fingers are so slick on your clit from your juices and everything feels so good that you can’t really believe it.

He grabs onto the headboard for leverage and he looks so fucking good like this. Ever since he turned your head to the mirror, you can’t look away. You only turn to face him when your legs begin to shake and the fire in your stomach starts to dance.

“Please don’t stop,” you say with sparkling eyes. “I’m close.”

“Cum for me sweetheart,” he says right by your ear. “Be good.”

That alone sends you over the edge.

You’re back arches and your eyes roll back as your orgasm surges through you. He moans into your neck as he releases into you. You’re still pulsing around him when he finishes.

He kisses your cheeks as you come down for your high. “You did so well princess.”

You can’t help but cling to him and he chuckles. “I have to pull out of you eventually.”

“I like the way you feel.” you whine and he smiles.

You opt to cock warm him. He lays on his back and pulls you on top to straddle him. He gently pushes into you as you lay on his chest and enjoy the feeling.

He strokes your back and kisses your shoulder for a bit before he starts to subdtley thrust up into you.

You give him a look and he smiles at you sheepishly. “Wanna go again?”

#Heeseung smut #enhypen smut #Kpop smut

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adoringhaikyuu · 4 years ago

Text

you have a nightmare that they cheated on you

characters: akaashi + iwaizumi + oikawa + (gn!reader)

request: hi! can I request a headcanon where akaashi, iwaizumi, and oikawa wake up to you having a nightmare that they cheated on you? something fluffy please 🙏🏼🥺 • by @vitamingummies

warnings: mentions of cheating ig but it doesn’t actually happen obvi– + a lil bit of angst

notes: hope u enjoy <3 i tried to make them all a bit different! (i don’t think i’ll do anymore of these tho cause i feel like i’ve run out of possibilities for it to go)

akaashi:

akaashi stirred awake slightly when he felt you moving around on your side of the bed

he was half asleep, drifting in and out

and he felt the bed dip as you got up, which he assumed meant that you were going to the bathroom

but once he realized it’d been a while since you left, he checked the time, 3am

he got up to go look for you, wiping his eyes sleepily

he went to the bathroom and frowned when the lights were off and you were nowhere to be found

he slugged off to the kitchen, then the living room and was shocked to see you sitting there in the dark, wrapped up in a blanket

“baby?” his voice was deep and groggy as he padded over to you, yawning before continuing. “what are you doing out here?”

you noticed him, but didn’t look up, trying to hide your face from him, which, even in his drowsy state, he knew was a bad sign.

he bent down in front of you and felt the fatigue jump out of his body when he realized you had tears falling down your cheeks. “what’s wrong? what happened?” he brought his hands to your cheeks and tried to wipe the tears, but more kept falling seemingly at a faster rate once he touched you.

he tried to catch your eye, but you wouldn’t let him. “come on baby, please talk to me? i’m not going anywhere until i figure out what’s wrong.”

he sat down next to you and pulled you into his lap, making sure the blanket was secure before holding you tight and running his hand up and down your side soothingly.

when your cries had reduced to sniffles and you calmed down a bit, you spoke up, playing with the collar of akaashi’s shirt to distract yourself. “i just...it’s stupid––”

he interrupted immediately, “of course it’s not stupid, if it made you this upset then we should talk about it. i wanna make sure you’re alright, okay?”

you nodded and swallowed, psyching yourself up to reveal everything to him. “well i––i had a dream, no, a nightmare really,” you laughed humorlessly. “where you um...you left me? well that was after you cheated on me but...” you felt him take a deep breath, “it just felt so real, you know? it hurt like a lot and then i woke up because it was so painful and i guess...the emotions carried through even after i left the dream.” you sighed, “i’m sorry i didn’t mean to worry you, i just...i don’t know, i needed to clear my head, i guess.”

a few seconds passed before you felt a gentle hand under your chin, raising your head. you finally looked into akaashi’s eyes and he spoke up. “baby, i’m sorry that you experienced that, even if it was just a dream. just hearing about it hurts me too.” he swiped his thumb over your cheek and you nuzzled into his touch. “but know that i would never ever do that to you, i could never hurt you like that and i won’t, okay?” he waited for you to nod in agreement before nodding as well and pulling you into a hug. “i’m here to love and protect you, remember that.” he kissed your cheek but didn’t let you out of the hug.

“are you better now?” again, he waited for you to nod. “let’s go back to bed, yeah?” he hugged you tight. “i’m not letting you go tonight.”

iwaizumi:

iwaizumi grunted, confused when he felt you moving around more than usual behind him,

no longer wrapped around him with one leg over his waist like how you had fallen asleep

when he heard you mumble a few things under your breath, he thought maybe you were just dreaming

but when he heard a whimper of his name, followed by “please no––”

he turned around immediately, and turned on his bedside lamp, concerned and alert

he noticed that your face looked like it was in pain, like you were hurt

he put a hand on your cheek and stroked it gently with his thumb

“wake up sweetheart.”

you shook your head from side to side, seemingly wrestling with what you were seeing in your nightmare

he kissed your forehead, “come on, come back to me. open your eyes for me baby.”

he shook your side a few times and you finally opened your eyes, but he frowned when he noticed the pain still hadn’t left your face

his eyes widened when you suddenly threw yourself into his arms, burying your face in the crook of his neck, sniffling as you blinked the tears away. he wrapped his arms around you immediately, “hey it’s okay, i’m here. you’re safe.”

he rubbed his hands up and down your back soothingly and whispered reassuring things in your ear, kissing your temple every now and then.

after a few minutes of holding you, he spoke up. “do you wanna tell me what happened in your nightmare? i’m right here, nothing bad’s gonna happen i promise.”

your hand came up to hold the side of his jaw and neck and you sat up slightly, but he made sure to keep you secure and not let you run off, not that you were going to. “um...well i was coming over to your house cause we had a date night planned...” you trailed off slightly and felt his hand rub your thigh reassuringly. you sighed, “the door was unlocked so i came in, and i noticed another girl’s shoes in by the door?” you felt him stiffen under you but you went on. “so i went to find you, to ask you about it...but when i got to your room, you were...on top of her, and you can...fill in the blanks i’m guessing...”

he opened his mouth to say something but you spoke before he could. “and you don’t have to apologize or anything, i know it wasn’t you and you wouldn’t do that...it just felt real and that really hurt me. but i’m sure i’ll get over it soon.” you tried to smile but it felt like a grimace more than anything and iwaizumi sighed. you mistook it for annoyance and your eyes widen, “oh i’m sorry, you’re probably tired, i’ll just––”

you tried to get off his lap but he stopped you, confused. “no, darling i don’t care what time it is, this is important. i only sighed because i don’t like how you’re pretending to be okay when you’re not.” he put a hand under your chin, “it’s okay if you’re not okay. but i’m here for you, to help you feel better, yeah?” he kissed your nose lightly. “you have nothing to apologize for, and i know you said i don’t either, but i’m sorry that i hurt you, even if it was in a dream.”

you smiled for real this time and kissed his cheek, making him blush lightly. “you’re too sweet to me, you know that?”

his brows furrowed, “not possible.” he gave you a quick peck on the lips and lied you back down on the bed with a small smile before turning off the light. he slid back in with you and put his arm around your waist to pull you close. “you ready to sleep?”

you nodded, “do you mind cuddling me until i fall asleep?”

“of course not, but you’re funny if you think i’m letting you go at all, even in my sleep.”

oikawa:

oikawa was sleeping peacefully, rolling over to wrap his arm around you and pull you close and his brows furrowed when you swung his arm back to his side, but he stayed asleep

he kept sleeping even after you repeated this three more times

but when you did it one more time, this time with more force, he whined and blinked his eyes open slowly

“y/n-chaaan, let me hold you~”

you simply huffed and kept staring in front of you, into the darkness of your room, your arms and legs crossed as you sat up against the headboard

you don’t even know how long you’d been awake, it was 4am, but you couldn’t be bothered to care

as soon as you saw oikawa with his tongue down another girl’s throat, while she sat in his lap, you were so mad you couldn’t think

...this was in a dream of course, and you know that––

but it still pissed you off

“wha––” oikawa leaned up on one arm to get a better look at you and make sure he wasn’t imagining things. “what are you doing up?” he turned his head to look at the clock on the nightstand, “wh––four a.m??” he turned back to you dramatically, and while normally you would’ve found it amusing, today was a different day.

you felt oikawa drag himself to a sitting position as he stared at you frantically and utterly confused. “what is going on here??” when you didn’t respond, his shoulders drooped down and he placed a hand on your thigh which you quickly slapped off. he squawked, “baby??–”

“you don’t get to call me that.”

his head bobbed back, offended. “what do you mean?! what happened in the hours that i was asleep?”

again, you stayed silent and of course, he kept talking. “y/n-chan you can’t just not tell me what’s wrong, this is outrageous!”

you sat there, brewing in your annoyance for a few moments before cutting off his rant, voice completely monotone. “you cheated on me.”

there was a brief silence, a moment of processing before he exploded. “i’m sorry, what?! i most certainly did not! what are you talking about ?! i am loyal!”

you shrugged, only fueling the fire and his eyes widened. “what do you mean?” he imitated your shrug mockingly, “where did you get this insane theory from?!”

he was talking far too loud for 4am, and you did not want a visit from the neighbors. “tooru––”

“tooru?! who is that?! i’m baby! love! your loyal boyfriend! soon to be husband when we’re ready!––”

you finally turned to him, “you’re being too loud! it’s four am––”

he glared but lowered his voice, maybe a fraction. “y/n-chan you are not gliding over your preposterous accusation like this––why on earth do you think i cheated?!”

you blinked, unfazed. “i saw it.”

“that’s impossible because it never happened!”

“yes it did! i saw your tongue go down her fucking throat and your hands were all over her and she was in your lap, tooru. that’s why i woke up because i saw it and i got mad. how dare you do that––”

“i’m telling you that never happened! i don’t know who you saw but it wasn’t––wait.” he blinked a few times and you could practically see the gears turning in his head. his eyes narrowed and he tilted his head. “did you say you saw it and you woke up? are you talking about a dream??”

you clenched your jaw, “more like nightmare but that’s irrelevant, the point is you cheated–”

“y/n-chaaan––” he threw himself on you and wrapped his arms around you, ignoring your protests. he placed his head on your lap and looked up at you, with a pout. “you scared me! i thought you were really mad at––”

“i am mad at you.”

“what?! but it wasn’t even real!”

“dream tooru and real tooru are basically the same.”

“when are you going to stop calling me that?” he frowned, giving you puppy dog eyes and you groaned, slapping a hand over his face (gently), but he still yelped anyways.

“don’t look at me like that.”

he took your hand off and kissed your palm softly. “why, is it working?”

you sighed and looked away. “...i know it wasn’t real but it still hurt seeing you like that, you know? that’s why i was so annoyed––it wasn’t even real but it still affected me so much.”

he sat up against the headboard and pulled you into his lap, pleased to see you weren’t complaining. you placed your hands on his shoulders and kept your eyes down, focused on his chest. he squeezed your waist and ducked his head down to peck your lips, smiling victoriously when it made you smile.

“i would never be as dumb as dream me and throw our precious relationship away, i love you way too much and value having you in my life far too much to do something like that.” he kissed your cheek, “you’re it for me, got it?”

you nodded, looking up into his eyes to see how serious he was. you could see the love he had for you. “okay...i love you baby.”

he smiled, “i love you too. so much.” he kissed you on the lips gently. “now can we please cuddle? we both need our beauty sleep.”

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rebeccccccaaa · 3 years ago

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ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ ʀɪɢʜᴛ _____________________

ʙʀᴏᴛʜᴇʀ’s!ʙᴇsᴛ!ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ!ʙᴜᴄᴋʏ ʙᴀʀɴᴇs ᴀᴜ

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: You and Buck have always been close growing up but you two soon learn that the line that separates friendly and flirting is a lot thinner than you think.

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: fluff, slight angst bc u got a shit bf, big bro vibes from bucky, smut duh [18+ minors dni (slight praise but also slight degradation, marking, belly bulge, squirting, fem!rec oral, unprotected sex, plz be safe irl, slight choking, pet names: darling&princess, i think that’s it lmk plz)]

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ’s ɴᴏᴛᴇs: hey assholes i'm back for the time being lol. I have a few ideas and fics I'm currently writing right now so do not fret.

______________________________________

You knew this was a horrible idea.

It’s Saturday night and you and your boyfriend were back in another night club after being kicked out from one just hours before. Daniel had gotten too drunk, as he always does, causing you to kindly ask the bartender to cut him off. Daniel didn’t take that too lightly resulting in a gnarly swing at the poor guy just doing his job.

Security threw you out and Daniel called an Uber to go where you thought was going to be your apartment but twenty minutes later you pulled up to another club practically on the other side of town. You yelled at Daniel but he pushed aside stumbling inside for yet even more drinks and mistakes waiting for him inside.

You sat at the bar simply drinking some water and snacking on some peanuts keeping your eye on your garbage boyfriend. You're constantly checking the time on your phone, annoyed with every passing minute. It was 2 am and you just wanted to go home and sleep. You were even debating texting your brother Steve hoping you could just crash at his place not too far from where you were but it would be incredibly irresponsible to just leave Daniel in the state he’s in.

So you waited and waited and waited. Your eyelids felt heavy and your energy was just completely drained. You were basically a zombie. It wasn’t until a guy approached your half asleep body that you felt a sense of alert. Daniel was shit-faced so you were practically defenseless.

“Hey,” the guy shouted over the music.

“Sorry, I’m not interested. My boyfriend’s-” you quickly said, only to be cut off.

“Don’t worry. I’m not gonna hit on you. I’ve got a boyfriend of my own,” he chuckled, making you breathe out in relief.

“Sorry,” you cringed at yourself.

“It’s alright; but uh, I hate to be the one to tell you this. You might want to check with your boyfriend,” he said sympathetically.

You pushed your way through the crowd scanning every face in search of Daniel. What did he do? Is he hurt? Did he get in trouble again? Is he getting arrested? Where is he-

“Daniel?” you said eyes tearing up a bit.

His arms were wrapped around another girl’s waist as he kissed her the way he kissed you. She practically moaned as their tongues slobbered disgustingly with each other. Their hips grinding against each other proactively as if you weren’t even there. Sadness turned to anger, and anger turned to rage, gripping Daniel’s short hairs and pulling his head away from whoever this girl was.

“What the fuck?” the girl complained, her eyes completely bloodshot.

“Did he tell you that he was here with his girlfriend tonight?” you're sad with gritted teeth. Daniel stumbled around still unable to register what the hell was happening.

“Oh my god, you forreal?” she said.

“Who fucking cares? She’s a prude anyway. I got more action with you than I did her in the past, what, six months?” Daniel slurred.

“You know what, you’re a fucking prick, dude. She deserves so much better than you; I bet your dick is small anyway,” the girl said.

“Fuck you too bitch,” Daniel spit.

“I can’t believe you,” you said.

“Oh, whoop-dee-doo, big fucking surprise. Babe, you’re a prude. Can’t you see it? I don’t know why I’m wasting my time with you anymore,” he practically puked out the words without any second thought.

“Fine, then I hope you enjoy the rest of your night, you fucking asshole,” you stormed away holding in the tears; he wasn’t worth it.

Almost three am and you just dumped your cheating lowlife boyfriend on the other side of town. Steve wasn’t answering his phone and you even wanna be near the club anymore. Walking speedily staring at your screen desperate to call an Uber home, you bumped harshly into a hard chest falling to the ground on your bum.

“Fucking hell, I’m so sorry, darling,” the man said helping you up by your elbows.

“It’s ok. I wasn’t looking- Bucky?”

“Oh, hey kid. What are you doing? It’s like three in the morning and you don’t live anywhere near here,” Bucky said, crossing his arms.

“Daniel got himself kicked from the one by our apartment and Ubered here instead.”

“So where’s Daniel?” Bucky scowled; he’s always hated that guy, so did Steve.

“Probably fucking some other chick in the bathroom,” your voice cracked.

“What?”

“It’s nothing; I just want to go home,” you cried.

“Hey, it’s ok; it’s ok. Do you wanna crash at me and Steve’s? He’s gone for the weekend with Peggy; you can stay in his room at least for the night,” Bucky offered; so that’s why Steve’s not answering his phone.

“I don’t wanna intrude on your night. I can just call an Uber, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. Steve’ll kill me if he found out I left his baby sis alone in the streets of New York at three in the morning. It’s not a problem, we were just bar hopping and I stopped drinking ages ago.”

“Are you sure, Buck?”

“Of course,” he smiled warmly at you.

“Hey, Nat!”

“What’s up?” a beautiful redhead approached you both.

“Gonna head home ; don’t do anything stupid,” he chuckled.

“You too,” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, “Catch you Monday?”

“You’re stupid. I’ll see ya,” Bucky laughed before grabbing your hand and headed towards his apartment.

“Thanks again, Buck. For letting me stay here tonight,” you said once you entered his apartment.

It had been a while since you hung out at your brother’s apartment but nothing’s changed. Typical men and their inability to change even a throw pillow. You set your small bag on the couch before Bucky led you to Steve’s room. There were pictures of you and him posing at Steve’s graduation; and later your own. Pictures of Steve and Bucky at a theme park, during a bar-be-que for Steve’s birthday. So many memories that Steve held onto in his room.

“Time really flies doesn’t it?” Bucky said, slightly startling you.

“Sorry,” he chuckled.

“No, you’re fine. But you’re right. Feels all these pictures were taken yesterday,” you reminisced.

“I got you some clothes if you need to change; I’ll give you privacy,” Bucky said, slipping from the room briskly.

You sat on the bed frustrated with everything. Your body was so drained from being up so early in the night, to the fight with Daniel. The past couple months with him were so awful. He was just so mean to you all the time and you didn’t know what you did wrong. Where did it go wrong? When did things shift?

"Is everything ok, darling?" Bucky asked quietly, knocking on the door when you hadn't come out after a while.

"What did I do wrong? I thought he loved me," you choked out.

Bucky sighed as he walked over to the bed sitting beside you before engulfing you in a warm hug. You cried into his shoulder and Bucky couldn't help the anger that bubbled inside him for your excuse of a boyfriend Daniel. He never got along with the guy and now he finally has a reason to knock his teeth in.

"You didn't do anything, I know it. That prick wouldn't know love if it hit him in the face. It's his loss. You deserve so much better than that asshole. Look at me, you're so beautiful and funny and fucking adorable; any guy who can't see how perfect you are, is a dense piece of shit."

"James," you whispered.

His words made your heart skip and your stomach flutter. But Bucky’s always had that effect on you. Even growing up. You weren’t going to sit there and pretend that hearing his words hadn't had a deeper effect than they would’ve coming from Daniel. Sometimes you wondered what being with Bucky would be like. You’re not the first to admit how handsome Bucky was and growing up you did have quite the crush on your brother’s best friend.

You don't know what it was, whether it was the alcohol still swimming through your veins, or just feeling so vulnerable being in Bucky's arms but you wanted him badly. You needed him, needed to feel something again. And you knew he could give it to you. You pressed your lips to his and in an instant his hands dropped to your hips pulling you impossibly close against his body. Your hands went to the back of his head as you kissed him messily. Your noses bumped and teeth clashed but it was the best kiss you’ve ever had.

“Fuck, your brother’s gonna kill me,” Bucky mumbled, almost to himself, as he slowly laid you down on your back.

Bucky’s hands trailed up your thighs, squeezing the soft flesh every now and then as he continued kissing you passionately. Your own hands couldn’t help but tug at his shirt desperately. When he did so, your breath was completely taken away. It had been years since you’d seen Bucky without a shirt.

Not only had he been quite skinny just like your brother back then, but not long after leaving for college with Steve he was in a bike accident that left him with ghastly scars and burns along his left arm and shoulder. Since then, it’s fair to say Bucky never really ever took his shirt off. It had taken years just for him to remove the glove he’d always wear to cover the scars on his hand.

“You’ve gotten so strong, James,” you grinned, reaching out to brush the flexed muscles running down his front.

He simply stared at you with an anticipating and anxious expression on his face, waiting for you to state the obvious. When you didn’t, when you pulled his head down to kiss him once again, he almost cried. Bucky hadn’t been with a woman in so long, afraid of this very moment. He knew at that moment, there was no one quite like you.

Bucky fell in love.

“Let me take care of you, darling. You’ve been so good to me,” Bucky whispered huskily in your ear as he trailed his hand under your own shirt brushing his fingertips along the underside of your breast.

His lips pressed softly against your hot skin along your neck before standing up between your legs at the end of the bed. He pulled your shirt off then played cheekily with the straps of your bra that you still had on. You smiled back at him with the same playful stare, reaching behind you to unclasp the material.

You could see the way Bucky’s eyes darken and his pupils widened as he stared in awe at your naked chest. Your skin bursted into chills under his hungry gaze even though you felt like you were burning up. Bucky leaned forward kissing down the valley of your breasts, nipping once in a while playfully before laying you back down. He shimmied you out of your bottoms easily, kneeling on the ground leaving you completely bare before him.

“You are absolutely stunning, princess,” Bucky whispered, running his hands up your thighs slowly.

“Bucky, please. I need you,” you whimpered.

“Don’t worry, darling. I promise I’m gonna take good care of you,” he smirked devilishly.

He pushed your knees open, eyeing the arousal that glistened between your thighs. He brought his fingers up to you slowly rubbing your slick around before finally pushing a thick and long finger past your folds. Your body shuddered solely at the foreign but pleasurable feeling, already moaning softly.

Bucky’s cock strained through pants upon hearing your beautiful moans; they were like music to his ears. He couldn’t help the way his hips would buck into the mattress in a desperate attempt to relieve some pain from his erection. Soon after he pulled his fingers from you slowly only to thrust them further in you, curling his fingers just right.

He brought his mouth down to you, wrapping his lips around your clit sucking harshly. You gasped and your back arched, overwhelmed with pleasure Bucky was giving you with just his mouth and fingers. All the times that you’d given yourself to your ex, he had never made you feel this good before, feel this full; let alone with his fingers. Bucky was taking his time with you solely for your own pleasure and it made your heart swoon.

Your legs trapped Bucky’s head between your thighs, squeezing as he continued to eat you out like a starved man. Your hands went to his hair pulling on his dark locks causing Bucky to moan deeply against you. You were so close to a release; your legs shaking violently and your stomach tightening.

“Come on, princess. Want you to come all over my face. Can you do that for me, darling?”

“Fuck!”

“Be a good girl and make a mess,” Bucky teased.

His fingers moved faster as he swirled his tongue around and over your clit just as quickly. You were becoming overwhelmed and that coil bursted in the pit of your stomach. You pushed Bucky’s face from you, shrieking with pure pleasure; Bucky’s kept the rapid pace with fingers as you fell over the edge.

“Fucking hell, that was so hot, princess,” Bucky said standing up; his fingers, arm, his chest was covered in your arousal.

“Did I do that?” your voice trembled.

“Because of me,” Bucky winked playfully.

“I didn’t know I could do that,” you let your head fall back on the bed as you briefly caught your breath.

Bucky grabbed his shirt that he discarded not long ago and quickly wiped his chest and arm before discarding his pants and boxers. He nearly moaned at the feeling when he finally freed his dick from the restraining garments. His hand instantly wrapped around the base before pumping himself a few times.

You brought yourself onto your elbows momentarily ogling at the sight of Bucky completely bare before you. Your mouth practically watered at the sight. Bucky crawled over you kissing you deeply and messily; but perfectly. He pulled away and you both had goofy smiles on your faces before bursting into a fit of giggles, Bucky’s head burying into the crook of your neck.

“You’re so goddamn adorable, princess,” Bucky’s voice was muffled.

“Bucky,” you whined.

You couldn’t resist squirming underneath the burly man. Although, you’ve just had what was probably the best orgasm you’ve ever had, you wanted more. You needed more; you needed Bucky.

“I got you, darling. I got you.”

Bucky wanted to tease you more, make you beg, but he was just as desperate to feel you as you were. He propped himself up on his elbows kissing you one last time before reaching between your bodies and lining his dick with your entrance. Both you and Bucky moaned simultaneously as he stretched you out; curses spilling from his lips as incoherent moans fell from yours.

“So fucking tight, princess. Squeezing my cock just right, aren’t ya?” he whispered.

“Fuck, I feel so full,” you whimpered.

Bucky began to slowly move his hips in and out of you deliciously. He quickly picked up the pace, jetting his hips rapidly making your moans louder. Bucky sat up on his knees and gripped your waist surely to leave bruises in your wake. This new angle surprised you and you couldn’t help the squeals and moans that left your mouth. You chanted Bucky's name like a prayer; as if it was the only word you knew.

Bucky watched you carefully, your face contorting with pure euphoric pleasure. He couldn’t help notice the small bump in your lower belly and without a second thought, he grabbed your hands pressing them firmly over your tummy.

“You feel how deep I am, darling? Fucking poking through,” Bucky grunted.

“Shit! Oh, it feels so good,” you moaned.

“That’s right, no one’s ever gonna fuck you this good again. This pussy’s mine now,” Bucky growled.

He took one of his hands and wrapped it around your throat squeezing the sides gently but firm at the same time. Your eyes rolled back and you moaned even louder, confident that the neighbors were sure to complain in the morning. Feeling Bucky’s hand around your neck was so exhilarating; you and Daniel had never ever experimented with anything beyond a pair of handcuffs, and that particular night went horribly.

You like being choked by Bucky.

“Fucking slut; you like this, don’t ya?” he came down to whisper huskily against your lips.

“Mh-hm,” you moaned with a devilish grin, your bottom lip resting between your teeth before your eyes rolled back again.

“Such a fucking beauty you are.”

Bucky hips snapped in and out and he knew it wouldn’t be long until he needed to release.

“God, I’m close, princess,” he growled.

His hand moved to rest on the back of your neck to pull you up so you straddled his thighs and your chest was flushed against his. Your sensitive and hardened nipples brushed against his slightly sweaty skin causing you to shudder in pleasure. Bucky’s lips attached themselves to your skin along your collar bones sucking harshly leaving purple marks all along.

Your legs shook once again as they did before and soon enough with an arched back and shout of Bucky’s name you came all over his cock. Overwhelmed with your sex, Bucky bit harshly on your shoulder in a poor attempt to muffled the loud groans and moans he elicited. Feeling your velvety walls squeeze tightly around him pushed him over the edge, coating your walls with hot ribbons on cum.

He fell forward almost crushing you but you were too tired to complain. Bucky continued to pepper soft kisses all over your skin whispering how good you were to him, how beautiful you looked. Just absolutely showering with compliments. You felt him slowly getting off you, probably afraid he was crushing you, but you didn’t want him to leave just yet.

“Don’t,” you whispered, wrapping your arms tightly around his body.

“I don’t want to crush you, darling.”

“You’re not.”

Bucky chuckled before settling completely above you, careful not to make you uncomfortable. Hardly any time went by when he felt the even and soft puffs of air hitting his skin, sure that you had fallen asleep. He picked himself up and with major guilt for his best friend, picked you up from the bed and walked you to his own room.

After he was sure you stayed sound asleep, Bucky grabbed a clean pair of boxers and hurried himself to Steve’s room again. He collected all the discarded clothes and the dirty sheets and tossed them in the washing machine to clean right away.

He hadn’t meant to fuck his best friend’s little sister, let alone in his own room, on his own bed, but it all happened so fast.

He went back to his room letting the clothes do it’s thing, and quickly grabbed his phone. He messaged Steve, telling him that when he got back for his weekend with Peggy, he really needed to talk to him.

Tonight made Bucky realize how much he loved you. Growing up, you two had always been close. But he doesn’t know when he stopped being friendly and instead began flirting. Bucky wanted to be with you; he knew it now more than ever.

Bucky watched your gorgeous sleeping form on his bed. He smiled to himself before opening the window; the sun already rising and those beautiful golden rays seeped through the glass window, making you look angelic. He crawled into bed cuddling flushed against your naked body. He chuckled softly when you realized he’d returned, wiggling even further into his arms.

“I love you, Bucky,” you mumbled.

“I love you, too, darling.”

And he really, and truly did love you. As did you love him.

=======================

ᴛᴀɢʟɪsᴛ: (For all my work)

@mathletemadison

@buckybarnes101-blog

@l-sofiamia-l

@pluto-grrl-blog

@partr1dge

@stefans-wife

@cordeliaswhore

@fleurlovesbucky

@povsmarvel0720

@missroro

Bucky Barnes Taglist:

@stolenxkissess

@bucknastayyy38

#marvel smut #bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #james buchanan barnes #bucky x reader #james buchanan barnes smut #marvel fics #bucky x y/n

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jungk0oksthighs · 2 years ago

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i know nobody asked but here’s a little life update that i really want to share with you all: tw: abuse. tw: sui mention. (non descriptive but this is a low-key sad post, but also not really sad actually the opposite but abuse is a heavy theme)

yesterday i discovered that my abu$!v3 ex boyfriend and his girlfriend of two months split up. just like he did with me, he lied to her, manipulated and love bombed her, gaslit her and shockingly enough: cheated on her too. (i know all in the space of a two months tf) now i’m not gonna be the ex that says “yeah well she knew what he did to me so she should’ve seen it coming-“ like no; he probably didn’t divulge into the details of our relationship and if he did he 100% made me out to be the villain of our story. he’s very good at that. i have nothing but raw sympathy for the girl, i’ve been there, but in a way i’m thankful that she found out now as opposed to later down the line. i wish i had an early escape from him. anyway:

what i wanted to share with you all was the relief i felt, because to me this is further confirmation that i was never the problem. it was nothing i did. he didn’t cheat on me because of me. it wasn’t because i look a certain way or act a certain way. it had nothing to do with me, what he put me through. the lies, the manipulation, the gaslighting, love bombing etc. making me doubt myself and my truth, dampening my dreams and stripping me of every ounce of personality, passion and love that i had.

i don’t want sympathy!! that’s not why i’m posting this!!!! i’m actually in a really good place right now, and knowing that what he put me through isn’t a reflection of me but a reflection of himself is just… there are no words to explain what i’m feeling. it’s like relief mixed with smugness and the way your mouth falls open when you have a eureka moment and there’s a bittersweet ache in my heart too.

ofc all my friends and family told me repeatedly it was never about me and that he’ll do it again and again and again and move from victim to victim, but actually knowing that, having someone say to me: ‘did you hear what happened? he did the same thing to her.’ it’s such a strange feeling. i feel sorry for the girl, i really do. i’ve never interacted with her because even if i did try to ‘warn her’ i would’ve been made out to be the psycho jealous ex girlfriend, honestly some of the shit he says about me… wild. so i didn’t want to get involved with that and i genuinely thought maybe he’s changed in the last 8 months who am i to say he hasn’t? maybe he was only like that with me, because it was me

no, it really wasn’t about me. i wish i could go back in time to january laura who literally wrote a sui note and didn’t eat for fifteen days straight because i was convinced if i looked different maybe he’d still love me. maybe if i dyed my hair, or what if i got my tattoos removed? it’s because i have big hips and thighs isn’t it? maybe i should stop doing makeup and spend more time at home. baby no, january laura no. it was never about the way you look, or because of your hobbies and interests. it was never about you girl. i cried myself to sleep every night for three months because that man fucking broke me. i genuinely didn’t know who i was anymore. and just when i started healing he toyed with me again and said he’d changed, slept with me, told me he still loved me and that he made a mistake, messed my head up only to say two days later: “it’s not what i wanted after all guess i was wrong lol. i’m not even attracted to u never have been dunno why i said i love you cause that’s just a lie.” another two months of agony, self-hatred, tears.

cut to now things have been better, i’m healing slowly and learning how to love myself and rediscover my passions (eyyyy ya girl started writing again hehe). BUT KNOWING FOR A FACT that he’s done it again, to someone who isn’t me. who doesn’t look like me. who doesn’t have my likes and interests, therefore it was never about me, is such a powerful feeling. i cannot put it into words, it’s the closure i thought i’d never get. i’m just??? i’m not happy that he’s tore someone else down, but i’m happy for me. this is what i needed, what january laura needed and i feel so light and free and blessed that i made it this far to have this realisation.

i guess the real reason why i’m writing this, and i don’t really expect any of u to read this but i don’t keep a diary so in a way this is very therapeutic for me to dump my thoughts and emotions here, this post is mostly for myself if anything. but why i’m writing this is just to say… if anyone can relate to my situation (ofc i’ve never gone into heavy detail here that’s what i have a therapist for LOL) but if there’s someone out there with a broken heart, who feels unloveable and doesn’t know anything about themselves anymore: things do get better. hang in there. i know everyone says it everybody said it to me and i was like yeah yeah ok sure, but trust me, as someone who has lived and breathed this life - things do get better.

abusers don’t abuse their victims because they’re their victims.

they abuse their victims because they’re abusers.

#tw: sui mention #tw: abuse #I feel like I my heart is ready to love again now that I know I’m not unloveable #i’m feeling so many things #and I really wanted to get this all off my chest #like #gosh I’m sorry guys I’m just in my feelings tonight and this is like free therapy

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myherowritings · 4 years ago

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Maybe It’s Fate

— After discovering the mememate you fell in love with was your ex-boyfriend who broke your heart, you find yourself alone in a bar with a dead phone in a poor attempt to cope. The person who helps you at 3 a.m. is the last person you want to see.

pairing: shinsou hitoshi x f!reader word count: 10,531 genre: modern au, social media au

a/n: hihi welcome to part 25 of toya ! ;) the smau is rated 17+ so keep that in mind because it applies to this part too. it’s a bit thicc so i hope it’s able to keep your attention! skksffsd plspls chat with me and let me know what u think once u read! i’m looking forward to the convos ^-^ [edit: THIS IS NOT THE FINAL PART LOLOL]

Of all the dumb decisions you’ve made in your life, this by far had to be the dumbest of them all.

You were angry and hurt and wanted nothing more than to drown your feelings with overplayed EDM music and cheap booze that reminded you too much of the trash college parties you used to frequent. And while going out to get drunk was no where near your stupidest decision, going out alone with the full intention of returning home with someone else was.

“Is everything okay?” you heard an unfamiliar voice beside you call.

Wishing you had brought more than an empty can of pepper spray, you cautiously turned to face him. You wanted to call a cab or take the train home, but you knew walking alone in the streets in your current condition might just be more stupid than staying at the club. Besides, your phone died right after you sent Kaminari your location.

In other words-- You were truly fucked.

Not that you would let anyone know that, of course.

“Everything’s just fine,” you replied, trying to sound polite but disinterested. “Thanks.”

He kept his distance but sat down at the barstool next to you. “Are you sure? You’re a pretty lady alone at the bar and you’re staring at your drink like it just insulted your favorite grandmother.”

Immediately, the tears of stress and frustration flooded your eyes but you kept them from falling. Your bottom lip quivered and you blamed all the alcohol in your system for your seemingly uncontrollable emotions.

“Am I that transparent?” You sniffled, downing the rest of your drink as you turned towards him.

“Ah-- Wait!” he cried with wide eyes, waving his hands in front of him as you chugged what was in your glass. “Are you sure you should keep drinking? Where are your friends?”

You studied him curiously. He seemed nice and trustworthy, but you couldn’t help but be skeptical of his intentions.

“They’re...around,” you answered, unwilling to admit you were here alone to a random stranger. “And I’m okay! Just here hating men, but what’s new?”

He nodded solemnly. “Understandable. Men suck. Carry on.”

That earned a grin from you.

As the last gulp of vodka settled in your stomach and made its way to your head, you instinctively checked your phone in your pocket only to find it still dead.

Damn. And here you were hoping it would’ve miraculously charged through sheer willpower.

Drumming your fingertips against the empty glass, you let your gaze roam around the perimeter of the nightclub, blinking furiously in confusion when you thought you had spotted a head of all-too-familiar purple hair near the entrance.

“What the…” you trailed off. You could have sworn you just saw Shinsou, but the next second you opened your eyes, he was gone.

Great, you thought to yourself miserably. First he snuck his way into your heart and now you were imagining his presence too?

“You’re really had too much to drink, haven’t you, Y/N?” you chided yourself, head spinning as you instantly regretted the last few gulps.

The guy next to you glanced over in concern, drinking a glass of what you assumed to be respect women juice.

“Can I order you some water?” he fretted. “Or maybe a cab?”

You shook your head to decline but stopped abruptly when your temples started to throb at the sudden motion.

“S’okay,” you slurred. “I just thought I saw--”

“Y/N!”

You froze in your seat.

That voice… It was faint and almost like it wasn’t real, but you knew that voice.

There was no way.

“Good grief, I’m losing it now, huh?” you asked your bar acquaintance with furrowed brows.

He shrugged, not knowing how to reply.

“Y/N, thank god,” the voice said frantically, sounding closer this time. “You’re safe!”

Ever so slowly, you turned around in your seat, eyes squeezed shut.

Even hearing his voice amidst the blaring of music was enough to make your heart twist in pain. It was the same deep timbre you remembered from high school and you haven’t heard it since then. You hated just how much you had missed the familiar sound. It was like a hug of comfort telling you everything was okay and a stab in the gut all at once.

“Y/N,” he said again, almost a whisper this time.

You finally found the courage to open your eyes, but refused to meet his gaze. Instead, you developed a deep interest in the laces of his shoes, reluctant to look up.

“Shinsou…” The name left a bitter taste on your tongue and you wished you had another drink to wash it down with. Your voice hardened. “What are you doing here?”

He winced at your harsh tone but stood unrelenting. “Your friends are worried sick about you. Kaminari was so concerned he even messaged me-- Something I imagine he never wanted to do.”

Your lower lip jutted out in guilt as your stare stayed set on the intricacies of the tiled flooring.

“Why have you not checked your phone?” asked Shinsou in exasperation. “Kaminari was trying to tell you I was going to pick you up.”

“I’m sorry,” you said softly. “My phone died after I sent Denki my location.”

“Died? Did you not charge it before you left? Y/N how could you be so irresponsible--!”

“Is everything okay here?” your unnamed acquaintance said from his seat on the bar. He glanced carefully between you and Hitoshi.

You nodded, sparing him a wry smile. “I’m fine. Thank you, though.”

Shinsou bit the inside of his cheek as he eyed the stranger who sat next to you. “Who’s this?”

“None of your damn business.”

Annoyed by Shinsou’s chiding, you bristled when he frowned at you. He had no right to sound concerned or jealous-- No right to pretend he cared!

Not when he did what he did.

“I know I was being stupid and I’ll call my friends when I get home,” you said, not bothering to hide your irritation. “But you can’t just come here and talk to me like everything is normal! Why are you even here?”

Pushing yourself out of your chair, you stood up and finally looked Hitoshi in the eye, glaring at him. You wobbled on your own two feet and felt the goosebumps on your bare thighs and arms, briefly wishing you had brought a coat with you.

Great, another thing Toshi can call you irresponsible for, you thought crossly, a mixture of hurt and anger in your face as you stared up at him.

“Why are you here?” you repeated as you paced away from the bar--turning back only to give your bar friend a wave goodbye that he returned with a confused look. You headed for the exist of the nightclub as briskly as your legs could carry you in your uncomfortable heels. “How did you know where to find me?”

Shinsou trailed not too far behind you and you begrudgingly admitted to yourself that you felt a warmth near your back from his presence. “Kaminari told me you were alone at a nightclub and this one happened to be only ten minutes from my house.”

You pouted. Small fucking world. Fate must’ve been getting a kick out of this.

“Your friends were worried-- So was I.” You rolled your eyes, but he continued. “And since I was the closest to this place I offered to pick you up.”

Reaching the side doors, you stopped by the stone wall of the building and squinted at him. “You offered and they just let you?”

That did not sound like the friends you knew. You were expecting a full Shinsou beat down from Bakugou alone.

Hitoshi scratched the back of his neck and, in your tipsy stupor, you felt comforted by the familiar habit of his. You swallowed, balling your hands into fists to snap your mind out of it.

It shouldn’t matter how many memories of the past were flooding you-- You were mad at him for lying and you had every right to be.

“Maybe offered is too loose of a word,” he admitted after a moment’s silence, having the decency to appear sheepish. “But we were worried and I knew I could get to you in half the time any of your friends could.”

Sure, it was a logical reason. But that didn’t mean you had to like it. “I would rather have waited double the time if that meant I didn’t have to see you again.”

You stared Hitoshi straight in the eyes as you said that as you tried to ignore the trembling of your lower lip. He flinched at the words, looking hurt. But another part of him looked like he accepted it.

“I know I’m the last person you want to see right now--”

“Mhmm,” you hummed just to be petty.

“--but we had no way of knowing if you were safe. Especially when you stopped replying to anyone! This was the quickest way.”

Folding your arms across your chest you stubbornly held his gaze. “Well, I’m safe. So you can leave now.”

Shinsou pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Please. I know you hate me and you have every right to--”

“I don’t hate you,” you muttered under your breath. As much as you wish you did, you don’t think you could ever really hate him.

He blinked slowly and you could have sworn you saw a shimmer of hope in his expression. You tore your gaze away, studying the small fissures and cracks on the otherwise smooth pavement.

“Oh,” he breathed almost imperceptibly. “Thank you.”

You pretended not to hear him.

“Regardless of whether you hate me or not, I know you don’t want to see me--and I apologize for showing up so suddenly--but will you please let me bring you home safely?” Hitoshi pleaded. “Or to your friend’s house if you don’t want to be alone.”

With your lips squeezed shut, you rubbed the goosebumps off your upper arm. It was cold and your head was spinning and you had no clue what to say to him.

Silently, Shinsou took off his outer coat and gently draped it over your shoulders, fastening the top button near the collar so it wouldn’t fall off your frame. You looked at him in surprise, unshed tears stinging the back of your eyes as you recalled all the times he’d given you his jacket while you were dating.

There were more times that you cared to admit where you conveniently “forgot” your jacket or wore too little layers on a cold day just so Hitoshi could give you his and you’d be enveloped in his scent.

And that’s exactly what was happening now. Shinsou’s coat surrounded your body like a warm hug and your nose was filled with a scent exactly like the one you remembered from when you were dating. He smelled like a sweet sandalwood with a mixture of fresh jasmine. He smelled like a field of flowers you’d find after a long trek through a woodsy forest. He smelled like home.

But he wasn’t.

In actuality, you haven’t been this close to Shinsou since your break up.

It had been years since you had seen him or talked to him or even been close enough to catch a trace of his scent. And now he was flooding every one of your senses with no care of the repercussions.

Your head was light.

You missed him. You cared for him. You never stopped loving him.

And now old wounds that never fully healed had been ripped open all at once.

“You were shivering,” Hitoshi stated quietly. “So I gave you my--”

He stopped short when he heard a sniffle coming from your direction, eyes growing wide as your buried your face in the palms of your shaking hands.

Through the cracks between your fingers, you saw Shinsou reach out to cup your face, stopping himself before he could touch you and withdrawing as if he had been burned. As stupid as it was, you wanted nothing more than to feel his touch against your skin and you found yourself involuntarily taking a half-step closer to him.

Your silent tears feel even faster.

“Are you crying?”

Despite the droplets of water blurring your eyes, you managed to glare up at him for his dumb question.

He grimaced. “Sorry. I’m...sorry.”

Although you were the one crying, you still noticed the pained look on Shinsou’s face. He seemed just as conflicted as you were, his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands so hard his knuckles appeared white.

When he opened his mouth to speak his voice sounded choked, but still gentle. “Are you okay, Y/N?”

“Just peachy,” you murmured, barely moving your lips. The two of you stood there in awkward silence, nothing but the sounds of your labored breaths filling the air until you blurted, “Actually, you know what--? No. I’m not!”

Shinsou opened his mouth to speak but no noise came out. That was just fine by you, though. You had plenty of things you wanted to say, regardless of his response.

“I’m angry at you! And confused. And sad. And hurt! I don’t know if I want to yell at you or ignore you or run right back into your arms--” Your voice cracked and you squeezed your eyes shut, trying to slow your sharp breathing.

You hugged yourself around your waist, painfully aware of how comforting his jacket felt around your body. A part of you wished you could just tear the coat off your shoulders, throw it onto a puddle on the floor, give Shinsou the middle finger, and turn away without looking back.

But you couldn’t.

Instead, you let your tears continue to fall as you glowered at Hitoshi’s shoes.

“I am so mad at you,” you managed, hands clutching the fabric at your sides. “You lied to me, Hitoshi. You lied to me and you didn’t trust me and you left!”

The hurt from your past which you never wanted to accept mixed with anger from the present, both fueling your surge in emotions.

“And now you’re here--in front of me--acting like everything is okay?!” you shouted in exasperation. Your face was burning despite the chilling breeze outside. “Do you even care about me? Have you ever even cared about me?”

He gritted his teeth, hurt that you would even ask that. “Of course. Of course I care about you, Y/N! Even through all these years I’ve never stopped caring about you.”

“Funny way of showing it.”

His laugh was humorless. “I’m a fuck up. I know.”

Your gaze softened just the slightest bit. “Hey-- I didn’t say that.”

Shinsou shrugged. “Regardless, I did fuck up with you. And I’m so sorry for that.”

“For which time?” By now, the tears flowing out of your eyes slowed, the remnants dried by the biting wind. You gave him a wry smile, unamused.

“Both times,” he answered without hesitation. “I hurt you when I broke up with you for no damn reason and I lied when I told you I didn’t love you. That was the biggest lie of my life-- I still loved you. So much. But I jumped to conclusions and didn’t give you the change to explain. I owe you so much more than an apology but it’s the least I can give you right now.”

You rolled your lower lip between your teeth, hating yourself for wanting to accept his apology and jump into his arms. He gave no excuses for what he did and his words were genuine. That much you knew for certain.

Slowly, he inched towards you.

“I really am sorry, Y/N.” He paused. “You didn’t deserve any of that.”

You stayed silent, holding your breath as the pad of his thumb brushed against your damp cheek. Shinsou wiped away your flood of tears with a touch so gentle, it felt like a feather on your face.

His thumb lingered on your cheekbone, his fingertips lightly grazing your jaw, and you found yourself ever so slightly leaning into his palm. The tension in your muscles loosened and if you closed your eyes, you could almost pretend you were back with the Shinsou you loved in high school-- As if he never left and nothing had ever changed.

Just for a moment, you tricked yourself into being truly happy. You tricked yourself into thinking that maybe you and Hitoshi could still be in love.

You wanted to capture this second and replay it on an infinite loop, but just like all moments, this too had to come to an end.

As you opened your eyes, Hitoshi reluctantly brought his hand back to his side.

“Sorry,” he said, voice hoarse. “You were crying and I just wanted to--” He shook his head, cutting himself off before his voice cracked. “I’m sorry.”

It sounded like his apology was meant for more than just wiping some tears off your face.

You nodded almost imperceptibly, the anger in your gaze diffused by hurt and longing. “I know.”

As the minutes passed, neither one of you made a move to step away from the other-- Your bodies mere inches apart and so close, yet never quite touching.

Suddenly, Hitoshi cleared his throat.

“Er-- If you’ll let me, I think I should bring you home now,” he said, forcibly shaking himself out of his daze and pulling his phone out. “It’s almost four in the morning.”

Blinking, you rubbed your eyes. Not that he mentioned the time, you realized just how tired you were. You wanted to take a bubble bath, change into fluffy pajamas, and sleep until the following night.

“Do you have to go to your flower shop tomorrow?”

“Hmm?” You were startled. You had almost forgotten that the man in front of you was the same person you considered your “mememate.” As much as you hated to admit it, he probably knew more about you than some of your closest friends.

Biting your lip, you snapped yourself out of it.

“Oh-- Right. My flower shop.”

He nodded.

“No, I don’t have work tomorrow,” you answered finally. “I may not have made the smartest decisions tonight, but I’m not that irresponsible.”

A shadow of a smile graced his face. “Of course not.”

Fishing his keys from his pocket, Shinsou walked to the parking lot of the nightclub, looking over his shoulder to check if you were following.

When his gaze met yours you immediately stuck your tongue out at him haughtily so he knew you were only following him as a last resort and you needed to get home-- Not because you wanted to.

You caught a glimpse of his grin before he turned around, and you managed to stop yourself before one spread to your lips as well.

Stopping at a black car with tinted windows, Hitoshi unlocked it with his keys, opening the door of the passenger seat and waiting for you to safely enter.

“I can open a door myself,” you murmured, sliding into the seat securely before he gently shut it close.

“I know,” you heard his amused voice call through the window.

It felt like there was one, singular butterfly fluttering around in your stomach and causing mayhem, and you batted it away before Hitoshi could come in and see the grin on your face.

“Did I just see you just hit yourself in the gut?” he asked when he entered through the driver’s side.

“No.”

“Okay.”

Subtly, you rubbed your tummy in a soft, circular motion. You hadn’t meant to punch the butterfly that hard.

“Didn’t hit yourself, huh?”

You flushed. “Oh, hush.”

With a snort, Hitoshi turned the engine of his car on and you let your eyes explore the interior. It was sleek and clean, smelling like a mixture of sandalwood and new car.

Reaching behind the gear level, he pulled out a white cord and handed it to you. You stared at the object in his hands.

“For you,” he said, with a raised brow. “You should charge your phone and let your friends know you’re on your way home.”

Wordlessly, you accepted it from him. Careful not to let your fingers brush against his in fear of the spark it might cause.

“I messaged Kaminari earlier to let him know you were safe. But he probably wants to hear it from you.”

You nodded as you plugged your dead phone in. “Thanks.”

He hummed, putting the car on drive and backing out of the parking spot, stopping before he reached the main street.

“Do you know how to get home from here?” he asked. As you shook your head, Hitoshi handed you his fully charged phone that was opened on the navigation app. “You can search for your address.”

“Got it.” The air between you was almost suffocatingly awkward as you typed in where you lived, each click of the keyboard ringing into the stillness of the night. After finding turning the directions on, you handed the phone back to him. “Thanks.”

Shaking his head, he waved you off. “You don’t need to keep thanking me, Y/N. This is the least I could do.”

Averting your gaze, you twiddled your thumbs in your lap, unsure what to say. You had so much you wanted to tell him--so much you wanted to ask--but when it came to it, you froze.

Just then, your phone made a sound from its spot near the gear shift, buzzing and lighting up as it finally turned on. A plethora of notifications filled your screen and you found yourself feeling guilty for making your friends worry like that.

Five missed calls for Kaminari, three missed calls from Todoroki, and nine missed calls from Bakugou. You gulped. You were definitely going to get your ears talked off by those three once they got a hold of you.

But amidst the calls and texts of worry from your friends, you also noticed a handful of messages from Hitoshi. He sent you texts asking if you were okay and telling you not to worry because he was on his way to get you. There was a lump in your throat when he saw the messages were still from your mememate-- You never did get around to changing his contact name.

From the corner of your eye you saw Hitoshi glancing down at your phone screen, a look of regret apparent on his face. When he caught you staring, he directed his attention back on the road, clearing his throat as he followed the directions on the navigation system.

To think only a week ago, things were so different between the two of you.

You thought he was a random stranger you connected with through the power of memes, never having a clue that he was your ex this whole time. You found yourself opening up and sharing your private feelings with him despite the promise you made yourself to always guard your heart.

Even anonymously, Hitoshi climbed over your walls and found his way to the inner workings of your life. Even anonymously, he made everything feel like it was okay.

But a part of you was scared--so scared--that it was all in your head and he was only playing you this whole time. And at this point, you were just too afraid to ask.

“Are you crying again?”

“What?!” you yelped in alarm, wiping at your slightly damp face with the sleeves of his coat. “No, you asshole!” You glared at him, a few loose tears still gathered by the corners of your eyes. You refused to let them fall through the use of sheer willpower. “The air conditioning is just blasting into my eyes.”

“The air conditioner is off.”

You blinked. “Well that makes sense. It’s so hot in here I’m just sweating through my eyes.”

He pressed his lips together to keep from smiling. “Right.”

The lighthearted mood didn’t last very long, however, when your phone buzzed once more and the notifications from earlier tonight appeared on your lockscreen.

“I really made everyone worry, huh?” You sighed, leaning back against the headrest and shutting your eyes, the effects of the alcohol long since worn off. “I can’t believe I did something like this.”

He signaled a left turn and waited until he was at the red light before continuing. “I’m sorry for causing this.”

You stared at him in confusion. “What do you mean? Causing this?”

“Yeah. If I had just told you who I was the moment I found out, this wouldn’t have happened. You wouldn’t have been scared and alone at a random nightclub and your friends wouldn’t have been in near panic for hours. Hell-- If I hadn’t run away like that all those years ago none of this would have happened.” His fingers tightened around the steering wheel so hard it left indents on the leather. “You wouldn’t have felt all the pain and heartbreak and--”

His voice grew hoarse as it broke off, as if something was tightening around his throat. Holding your breath, you gazed at him in concern.

You were angry at Hitoshi and thought he had a lot of explaining to do-- Sure. But...for him to blame himself for everything that happened? That was more weight than anyone should bear on their own.

Surprising both him and yourself, you firmly placed your hand on top of his as he gripped the steering wheel. His hands were cold and rough from the wind, and you were certain yours weren’t much better. But still, you held him. And still, it felt right.

“Not everything is your fault, Toshi,” you said quietly, his old nickname slipping out of your mouth before you could stop it, like it was natural for you to call him that.

His eyes widened and a flush filled your cheeks.

You coughed to relieve the tension in your neck. “I just mean… You don’t need to blame yourself for everything. You messed up and there’s no denying that, but this isn’t all your fault. I mean it.”

Your eyes met before he tore his gaze away to focus on driving. Quickly, you retracted your hand from on top of Shinsou’s, cradling it against your stomach as you felt the burn from his skin linger on yours.

“Thank you.” His voice was solemn and grateful, as if he needed to hear those words at least once in his life. “You’re too caring, you know? Your heart is too good.”

You let out a breath of laughter, brushing his compliment off. “Yours is too. It’s just been through some shit. And maybe didn’t make the best decisions.”

“It most definitely didn’t.”

Though neither of you were looking at each other, there was a shared sense of happiness between the two of you--regardless of how brief it may have been. There was a small smile playing on your face as you bit your lip to keep it from growing wider.

You hadn’t fully forgiven Hitoshi, he still had some explaining to do, but you felt a sense of calmness when you realized that maybe forgiveness would be possible.

Before you knew it, you heard the navigator say, “Your destination is on the right,” as Hitoshi pulled up at the curb in front of your building.

“We’re here,” he announced slowly, one hand on the gear level as if he wasn’t sure what to do next.

There was an awkward silence as you unplugged your phone from his car charger. It wasn’t that you wanted to spend more time with him exactly (that was definitely not the case), but rather you had more questions to ask. And what better time to figure out those questions than at four in the morning?

“You’ve been driving for a while…” you trailed off, hoping he caught the hint without too much embarrassment on your part. “Do you want to use the restroom before you drive back home?”

Hitoshi scratched the back of his neck. “No, I’m good. I wasn’t out for that long.”

“O-Oh,” you stuttered, a sudden feeling of nerves settling in your stomach. Not those damned butterflies again. “Well, how about… Maybe you want a glass of water or a cup of tea?”

He gave you a curious look but set his car to park and turned off the engine nonetheless. “Sure…? Some water would be nice.”

You let out a sigh of relief you didn’t know you were holding, pulling your keys out of your pocket and unbuckling your seatbelt. Before you could open the car door for yourself, Hitoshi was already on the passenger’s side ready to open it for you.

“I know how to open a door,” you muttered with a roll of your eye, but felt a faint flush litter your cheeks nonetheless. You hopped out of your seat, accepting the hand he offered to stead you. “But...thank you.”

“No worries.”

For someone you were still mad at, he was making it damn hard for you to stay petty.

Despite the light throbbing in your head, both from drinking too much alcohol and from staying up too late, you were able to lead him inside your living room with no complications--only struggling with unlocking the door just a little.

“Welcome to my house,” you said, flapping your arms around and fidgeting in place. You slid off your shoes and placed them at the doorway and Hitoshi followed suit. “You can, uh, sit on the couch while I get you water. Or you can follow me into the kitchen…?”

Your eyes scanned the floors and furniture of your apartment. You liked maintaining your living space clean and clutter-free, so it wasn’t too much of a mess. Still, you weren’t expecting any guests and it wasn’t as nice as it could have been…

You shook your head, giving your face a light slap when you thought no one was looking. You shouldn’t be bothered. It was just Hitoshi here. Someone you most definitely no longer cared about.

Or so you kept telling yourself.

He followed behind you, grabbing at his neck and glancing between your walls and you, unsure what to look at in this new environment. After all, it wasn’t everyday you picked up your ex that you haven’t seen for four years at a bar only to be invited into their house.

“I can go with you to the kitchen,” he answered with uncertainty.

“G-Great!”

You grimaced. When did you become Tony the Tiger all of a sudden?

As you grabbed two glasses from the cupboard, you filled them up with ice and water, setting one next to Shinsou on the countertop.

He accepted it. “Thank you.”

You nodded and there was an awkward silence, both of you taking long sips from your glass, not knowing where to go from here. You knew you wanted to talk to him, but what were you going to ask exactly? What was the right way to go about this situation?

Next to you, Hitoshi looked like he was having some inner struggles of his own. His fingers flexed and unflexed around the cool glass, both avoiding your gaze and looking at you at the same time.

Biting your lip, you turned to look at him. As uncomfortable as it was, there was no better time to ask than now.

“Can we talk--?”

“We should talk--”

You both started and stopped at the same time.

There was a beat of elongated silence before the two of you laughed. Shaking your head, you buried your face in your hands, peering at him between your fingers.

“This is silly,” you cried in embarrassment. “Why are we so awkward?”

Hitoshi shrugged as a flustered laugh escaped his own lips. “Because this is weird. This is a strange situation we’re in and no one would ever expect something like this to happen.”

“Exactly!”

“But,” he continued, almost hesitantly, “I’m kind of glad it did, though.”

Your own laughter quieted down as the mood became more serious. You drank another gulp of water to quench your suddenly parched throat.

“Can we talk in the living room?” you asked, heading towards the hallway when Hitoshi nodded. You figured if you were going to have an uncomfortable conversation, you may as well try to find some comfort in your warm and plush sofa.

You sat down at the edge near the armrest and he took a seat not too far from you. There was less than a cushion space separating the two of you and if you were to move a few inches, your thighs would be touching.

Tearing your gaze away from your legs, you looked up to face Hitoshi. “You don’t have to answer, but… There have been some questions on my mind lately.”

He nodded, as if expecting you to say that. “Ask away. It’s the least I could do.”

You curled your legs and hugged your knees to your chest, peering at him through your lashes.

“Okay,” you said somewhat unsurely. Confrontation was never easy. “Why didn’t you tell me you knew who I was? How long were you planning on keeping it from me?”

Hitoshi ran a hand through his hair, tufts of purple sticking out in random patterns. Somehow, it suited him.

“I found out a day or so before you confessed to liking...your mememate,” he admitted. He had told you this through text when you asked, but hearing it a second time didn’t make it hurt any less. “I was going to tell you that day, too. But then you told me you liked me and I didn’t know how to break it to you then.”

You looked away, embarrassed at the reminder of the night you poured your heart out to him. He knew you were his ex the whole time and still didn’t stop you? You scoffed, “Well, you could’ve stopped me before I humiliated myself like that.”

“Humiliate-- How?”

“What do you mean how?” You glared. “I totally embarrassed myself that night by saying how much I liked you--my ex!--only to have you basically reject me on the spot!”

“I didn’t reject you.”

“I told you that you were the first person I liked since...well you,” you said, rubbing your temples to ease your own confusion. “And you never said it back. Not that you needed to. It’s totally fine that you don’t. It’s just that… I don’t even know. I just wish I never said anything.”

He placed the glass he was holding onto a coaster on your coffee table, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry,” said Hitoshi. “But that’s not it at all. I wasn’t trying to reject you. I would’ve told you I liked you back-- I wanted to, I swear.”

Your head snapped to his. He wanted to tell you? As in he started liking you too? Even when he didn’t know who you were?

With a wistful smile, he continued, “But it wasn’t fair to you. Not when I knew who you were and you didn’t know who I was. You didn’t deserve that bullshit.”

You stretched your legs out so they were dangling off the couch, folding one carefully over the other as you crossed your arms. “Then you should’ve just told me the truth about who you were.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He hung his head. “And if I did, you never would’ve told me your feelings.”

“Exactly,” you huffed. “They’d be safe and locked away in my heart until they disappeared.”

He was silent as you turned his body towards yours, resting his arm on the back cushions of the sofa.

“Is that really what you want, though?” he asked. “You’re so kind and beautiful and you deserve to open your heart to someone and be happy with them.” A flush rose to your cheeks at his sudden words of kindness but you shook it away. “I never knew I hurt you so badly that you were scared to love again-- And I’ll hate myself everyday for that.”

“Hitoshi…” Your gaze softened. You wanted to reach out and smooth down his hair but you couldn’t.

He hurt you, yes. But to hate himself and never forgive himself for it? You thought that was far too extreme.

“When you broke up with me,” you started slowly, unsure how to go about this, “you said that our relationship was nothing more than some cheap dates and sex.” He winced, holding his stomach as if he felt nauseous. “If you’re so regretful now, why did you ever say something like that? Did I really mean nothing to you?”

“No-- Of course you meant something to me. Y/N, you were everything to me. And it’s ridiculous of me to say this now but I never wanted to hurt you like that,” Hitoshi said, his eyes squeezed shut. “But I did and I’m so sorry. I thought if I told you those mean things you would find it easier to just hate me and move on. Be with Kaminari or someone who could make you happy.”

You glared at him with both sadness and anger, nails digging into your palms. “I was happy. With you. Is that so hard to believe?”

“A little.”

Taken aback, you stared at him. You weren’t sure what response you were expecting, but it certainly wasn’t that.

“But not because of anything you did,” he rushed before you could get the wrong idea. “I just thought you were a good person who truly deserved something better than what I could give. You should be with someone who wasn’t anxious and insecure and messed up.”

You were unsure if you wanted to smack Hitoshi or give him a hug, so you sat there stock-still.

“Even when I saw you with Kaminari, a part of me thought it would be better off that way,” he admitted, a scornful look on his face as he scoffed at himself. “But that wasn’t my call to make, was it? And how I went about it was wrong and dishonest. I’m really sorry.”

He tugged at a loose thread on the sofa while staring at you in earnest. There were so many things to say and not enough time in the night to say it.

“You’re right. It wasn’t your call,” you said, furrowing your brows. “I wish you would’ve told me you were feeling this way all those years ago. I loved you--regardless of what you may have thought. And what you said really hurt me.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I fucked up and hurt you more deeply than I could’ve ever imagined. You felt like you couldn’t have feelings for anyone for all those years because of what I did, and if I could take it all back, I would.”

His hand trembled slightly as he reached out to cup your face, pulling away harshly before he could touch you.

“You deserve to find love, Y/N. Even if it’s not with me because I know I have no right to anyone’s heart after what I did--”

“Hey, don’t say that!” you interrupted, a wrinkle forming as you scrunched up your nose. You frowned at him. “You deserve to find love again, too. You may have messed up a few times, and I’m not going to pretend like I wasn’t hurt, but I still care about you. A lot. And just because you made some really bad decisions doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to ever be happy.”

He looked down at his lap, hands curled into fists by his side. You had the sinking suspicion he didn’t believe you.

Swallowing your pride, you inched closer to him, lightly lifting his chin so he stared at you face-to-face. The dark purple of his eyes stormed as a conflicted expression overcame him and you wanted to run a finger over his brow and brush the insecurities away.

Quietly, you whispered, “You’re so worthy of love, Hitoshi. And it makes me so sad that you still haven’t realized it.”

You felt a piece of your heart chip as he pulled away from you, gritting his teeth as he hung his head. When he spoke, his voice sounded choked, as if he was holding back tears.

“You’ve shown me too much kindness,” he said, words shakey. “Even after I assumed you cheated and broke up with you in the cruelest way possible--”

His voice cracked and he couldn’t speak. With his gaze avoiding yours he pushed himself off the couch.

“God, I’m sorry,” Hitoshi muttered, his face a look of self-disdain. “I shouldn’t even be here in your life right now. I should just--”

Your hand grabbed the one he used to shove himself off your sofa, holding his fingers tight in between yours. With your head bowed, you called, “Don’t leave again. Not yet.”

He froze in his spot, one leg immobile in front of the other in the direction of the door. Desperately, you tugged at his arm so he looked back at you. Your eyes pleaded with him. This wasn’t the end. It couldn’t be the end until you received your closure and Hitoshi received his.

“You know that night we played Truth or Drink?” you asked, breaking the silence.

He stared back at you curiously, slowly sitting down as you patted the seat next to you. Cautiously, he nodded in response.

That night was a pivotal time in bonding with your mememate and it was the closest you had felt with anyone besides your best friends.

Continuing, you said, “You told me about your dad cheating on your mom. And then seeing me and Denki the next day after I lied about who I was with.”

There was no accusatory tone in your voice, and you stated it as if you were recalling the facts. But still, Hitoshi winced.

“Yeah, shit.” He placed his palm over his forehead, rubbing at his temple as he grimaced. “I really just jumped to conclusions like that and it was unfair to you. I’m so sorry.”

You didn’t reply to his apology, but gave him a small smile. “That night, I told you I thought your response was understandable. It made sense that you were mistrustful at the time. Especially after just finding out about your parents-- People I know you looked up to. Even in regards to love.”

Hitoshi wore a guarded expression, but still listened keenly to what you had to say.

“Toshi… My opinion on that doesn’t change just because I now know it was me you were talking about.”

“Y/N--”

“Don’t get me wrong,” you clarified, not wanting to sound too lenient. “I’m still hurt that you couldn’t trust me. I wish you confronted me so we could’ve cleared up the misunderstanding. I wish you hadn’t stood me up on our anniversary date. But most importantly… I wish I could have been there for you when you found out about your parents.”

Hitoshi sat there in silence, mouth opening but unable to form the sentences he wanted.

You gave him a look of regret, one hand still not letting go of his even as he stayed seated beside you. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.”

“It’s not your fault. At all.”

As you shook your head, he faltered. “Still, you went to America, alone, and never told anyone what was wrong. You kept all these feelings to yourself this whole time and I hate that so much.”

“I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. I don’t deserve to--”

Your fingers twitched. How many times was he going to beat himself while he was already down?

“Stop saying that!” you snapped, unable to contain your emotions. “You are not a burden. And you deserve so much more than you think you do.”

His eyes widened at your outburst and his lips parted slightly.

“It’s good you know what you did was wrong-- You can’t pretend lying and making assumptions was okay because it’s not. But you know it’s not! And you acknowledge that and it seems like you regret it.” Your voice took on a desperate tone as you tried to get Hitoshi to see his mistakes as something separate from his worth as a whole. “You’ve made mistakes, but you can grow from them. Fucking up doesn’t mean you’re undeserving of love and happiness. You don’t have to take all the blame onto yourself.”

“How can I not take the blame?” he asked, his frustration at himself matching yours. “If I had been a better boyfriend, I would have trusted you more. If I had been a better person, I wouldn’t have lied to you. And maybe if I had been a better son, my parents--”

As if your body had a mind of its own, you threw your arms around him in a hug before he could finish his sentence. You heard a sharp inhale come from him as he sat, rigid.

“Don’t,” you whispered, breathing harshly as you held him tight. “Please, Toshi. Don’t say that. If no one ever told you this, please listen to me then. It’s not your fault. Your parents divorcing has nothing to do with your worth. Don’t blame yourself for the issues they had.”

His shoulders were still tense despite the shudder of tears you felt.

“You don’t need to blame yourself for everything. Hold yourself accountable, yes. Always strive to be a better person, yes. But don’t think it’s all your fault,” you pleaded. “You don’t have to handle everything on your own. You can lean on someone, Toshi.” You gently stroked the hair on the back of his head. “You can lean on me.”

At your words, you felt him visibly relax, his body free of the tension as you held him close.

Suddenly, his arms wrapped around you as he returned your embrace, his strong hands firmly gripping your waist as if he never wanted to let you go. You found yourself loosening up at his touch and you placed your head in his chest.

Peering up at him through your lashes, you said, “I don’t know if you need to hear this, but I need to say it.”

His thumb stroked the length of your spine as you continued.

“I forgive you, Hitoshi. For everything.” He stopped moving as he looked at you in surprise. You simply smiled at him. “Your apologies were genuine and so is your regret. I know you’re a good person and I forgive you, so please stop blaming yourself now.”

“Thank you, Y/N. So much.” He pulled away ever so slightly, feelings of guilt still flooding him. “But I feel like I still don’t deserve it though--”

A noise of protest bubbled up at your throat. “I swear to god, if I hear the d-word come out of your mouth again, I’ll make you shut up.” After a moment’s pause, you tried to hide your laughter. “Heh. D-word.”

“Oh my god,” he said, his amusement escaping him. With his arms still around your waist, he challenged, “How would you make me shut up?”

You wiggled your eyebrows. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Hitoshi laughed a genuine laugh that you haven’t heard in years. The deep rumble had a smile of your own forming on your lips.

But the mood turned serious when you gazed into his eyes again.

“Really, though…” you said, squeezing the fabric at his sides. “I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way for so long without telling anyone. I hope you know you can always talk to me.”

He tilted his head back, staring at your ceiling as you caught sight of his Adam’s apple. “Why are you being so nice to me after how much I hurt you?”

“Because I care about you,” you answered simply. “And I know you still care about me. You wouldn’t be this hung up over everything if you didn’t.”

There was a sort of smugness in you as you teased him and he let out a breath of laughter.

“Hah. I do. I care about you. And I’ve missed you so much.”

You didn’t think it was possible, but he hugged you even closer to him. Your arms released their embrace on Hitoshi as you brought them to your sides. He looked down at you with a strange expression.

“I’ve missed you, too,” you admitted, squeezing your eyes shut as if it pained you. “You’re the first and only person I’ve ever loved and I miss you more than you could ever know.”

Your head was bowed at his chest as you tried to steady your trembling hands by grasping the fabric at the front of his shirt.

“Why did you never call me? Why didn’t you tell me you were moving to another continent? Toshi, I loved you so much--” Your voice broke off as the tears you were holding in escaped you. “Why did you leave me?”

His fingers were laced in your hair, holding you tight. He wanted nothing more than to soothe your tears and hated himself for being the cause of them. “I’m an insecure idiot who fucked up the best thing that ever happened to him.”

Through the blur of tears, you saw the wistful look on his face. The best thing? you thought to yourself, touched.

“No amount of apologizing is going to fix anything,” he said, accepting it as a fact, “but I am so sorry. And I want you to know I’m grateful the person who AirDropped me that day was you.”

He lifted your chin and wiped your tears away with the pad of his thumb. Your knees were touching his thighs as you sat down with your legs folded under you, facing him. Letting go of the grip you had on his shirt, you unballed your fists and instead rested your palms on his chest.

You grinned at the audacity of it all. “I still can’t believe that happened. But I’m glad it did, too.”

“Must be a small world.”

“Or maybe it’s fate.” Your hand found his as you interlocked pinkies with him bashfully.

Hitoshi looked down at your interlaced fingers and a light dusting of pink colored his cheeks. A sense of enjoyment filled you as he continued to blush, a teasing grin playing on your face.

Before you lost any courage you had, you pressed your lips against the corner of his mouth-- Not quite a kiss but most definitely an invitation for one.

The red on his cheeks died down as his eyes darkened in color, removing his hand from your waist to cup your jaw. Hitoshi’s palm was warm and soft against you and you leaned into his caress.

“Do you feel like you got the closure you needed?” he asked, his voice a whisper as he leaned close to you.

“Yes.” You nodded, painfully aware of your close proximity. If you were to lift your head up any more, your lips would brush against his. “Do you?”

“Yes.”

His forehead was pressed against yours and your heart was being so hard, you were certain Hitoshi could hear it from his spot in front of you.

After a moment’s silence, you said, “Now what?”

He shrugged, eyes shut. “That’s up to you to decide. I’m happy with doing whatever will make you happiest. And if that means leaving you alone and letting you close this chapter, then I--”

You yelped, silencing him with a gentle shove on the chest.

“Are you crazy?” you asked incredulously. “You think I would ever let you go again?” There was frustration in your voice as you resisted the temptation to kiss the stupidity out of him. “I… I mean, unless that’s what you want?”

“Y/N…” Now he was the one with the tone of disbelief, like he couldn’t wrap his mind around what you had just said. “I’d want to stay with you. For as long as you’d let me.”

“O-Oh?” Your eyes widened in shock, but soon settled into an ecstatic smile. “Fate must have done us a favor with all this AirDrop stuff, huh? I fell for you all those years ago as Shinsou, and I fell for you again without even knowing who you were. There’s no way I’d throw that chance away.”

Tired of waiting for him to make the first move, you brought your hands to the back of his neck, and lifted your head up to meet his. You spotted an amused look on his face, but it didn’t last very long when your lips finally pressed against his with a contented sigh.

His movements were gentle and slow, like he was afraid if he kissed you any harder he would find this was only an illusion that would shatter. But it wasn’t. It was real and it was genuine and you wanted to prove it to him.

You broke away from his touch to pepper chaste kisses on his jawline, starting at the lobe of his ear and making your way down to the sensitive part of his throat you knew would drive him crazy, your hot breath blowing against his neck as a guttural sound escaped him.

“Eager, are we?” he asked hoarsely, his chin lifted.

You grinned mischievously against him.

“As much as I appreciate the gesture,” said Hitoshi, gently pushing you away with a roguish glint in his eyes, “you don’t always have to keep giving. You should be spoiled for a change.”

You squealed when his hands trailed down your sides to cup the undersides of your thighs, lifting you up as you sat down on his lap. His hands unclasped the button that fastened his coat on you and brushed the collar aside, exposing the supple skin on your upper chest.

“You should be spoiled,” he breathed in between each kiss he planted on your decolletage, “every day of your life.”

Your face burned at the implication of his words, the skin his mouth had touched feeling like they were searing hot. Though his jacket had fallen off your shoulders, you were still overwhelmed by his scent, the woodsy citrus filling your senses as you sighed his name and you still couldn’t get enough. He was more intoxicating than any vodka you had consumed earlier that night.

Growing impatient at his teasing, you squirmed on his lap, causing him to hiss in response.

You giggled at his expression and stuck your tongue out at him. “Just kiss me already.”

Tossing his inhibitions to the side, he obliged.

When your lips met again, this time it wasn’t uncertain and gentle. Each move Hitoshi made was firm and deliberate and if you weren’t already sitting down, your knees would have gone weak and given in.

His teeth grazed your lower lip and he kissed you harder, and your hands found themselves tangled underneath the hem of his shirt. The skin on your arms filled with goosebumps as he mimicked your motions, his fingers toying with the clasp of your bra as his name escaped your lips once more in a strangled moan.

Before it could go any further, however, Hitoshi removed his hands from the band of your undergarments and slowly pulled away from your kiss.

His face was flushed with beads of sweat falling down the side and his breathing was labored. You were certain you weren’t any better as you rested your forehead against his to steady yourself.

“Why’d you stop?” you asked with a strained voice, giving him your best pleading eyes.

“It’s late and you need some rest, baby.” He pressed a soft kiss to your nose with a smile. “I don’t want to stop--believe me,” he promised, his hands squeezing your thighs that still straddled his lap, “but I also don’t want you to rush into anything you might regret.”

You pouted, not wanting him to stop, but also feeling grateful he wanted to make sure you weren’t going to do anything you would regret the next day.

“Damn you for being such a gentleman,” you grumbled.

He ran the tip of his tongue against his lower lip. It was plump and red and it took all your willpower not to kiss it again.

“Only sometimes, princess,” he said when he noticed how your gaze zeroed in on his mouth. “But for now, you should get ready for bed. The sun is almost rising already.”

Hitoshi made a move to get up and you slowly unwrapped your legs from his hips, standing up shakily. He placed his hands on your hips to help you steady yourself, but that just made the weakness worse.

Still holding you, he stood up from the couch and looked down at you, resting his chin on the top of your head as you hugged him.

“You’re leaving?” you whimpered, a pout on your face.

“Sadly,” he sighed. “I have work tomorrow. Well, in a few hours I suppose. But if you need me to stay I--”

“Oh, my god!” you cried, jumping away from him. “You have work? And yet you still came for me and let me keep you this whole time?! Toshi!”

You folded your arms across your chest as you scolded him, but he just ruffled your hair playfully.

“It was the least I could do,” said Hitoshi. “And I’m used to running on little to no sleep. It’s fine, don’t worry about me.”

“It’s not fine! If you don’t get enough sleep this week I will smother you until you pass out.” You glared at him, holding his face between your hands and examining his tired eyes. Your gaze softened when you saw how sleepy he looked and thought about how well he hid it from everyone. You sighed. “And I think you’re a lot more selfless and caring than you give yourself credit for.”

You kissed the apples of his cheeks and smoothed his brows.

“Thank you for tonight,” you said. “You should get going.”

“No, you’re the one I should be thanking,” he replied, giving you one last embrace before getting ready to head towards the door.

Both of your legs felt like lead, neither of you wanting to leave the other after years of being apart. With a smile, he moved towards the door.

In silence, you examined him for the first time in four years. He was taller than before-- Bulkier, too. It looked like he worked out since he was in college, his plain shirt stretching against his pectoral muscles.

But still, he was the same Shinsou Hitoshi you had always loved.

You glanced at his bared arms and your eyes widened. “Oh, wait--! Your coat!”

It had fallen off your shoulders and onto the floor during the heat of the moment, and you picked it up and brought it to him. As you held it out, his hands wrapped your outstretched ones around the fabric of his sweater.

“No, it’s okay,” he said with a shake of his head and a small grin on his lips. “You should keep it. It suits you.”

You raised an eyebrow at him in warning, but hugged the coat to your body nonetheless. “I hope you know this means I’m never giving it back to you now.”

Hitoshi laughed. “I figured.”

He was about to grab the door knob when you blurted, “O-Or maybe I could give it back to you! If we were to, I don’t know, meet up for some food this week?”

Turning back in surprise, he was met with a look of utter embarrassment on your face. Your cheeks felt like they were on fire.

You bit your lip, unsure what had just come over you when you asked him on a date but also not regretting it for a moment.

“Only if you want,” you murmured, suddenly feeling more bashful.

Taking the hint, Hitoshi looked at you with a mix of wonder and amusement. “Sure. I’ll get some food with you just to have my coat back.”

You gasped, cheeks burning. “You know what? Never mind, I’m keeping this--!”

“I’m kidding,” he laughed, tone still teasing. “The jacket is just a bonus. What I’d really be there for is...the food.”

You buried your head in your hands and sighed. “I-- Why do I have to like you?”

He shrugged, feeling just as lost as you were. “Because feelings are strange.”

“They are,” you agreed. “But they’re worth it. And so are you.”

Hitoshi smiled as you gave him a gentle kiss goodnight.

“Have a safe drive home, Toshi.”

“Thank you. Go get some sleep now, kitten. We can talk when you wake up.”

You nodded feverishly, almost bouncing in anticipation at the thought of talking to him again. “I’m going to sleep right now so I wake up faster and get to talk to you sooner.”

A chuckle of surprise left his lips before he could stop himself. “You’re such a dork, you know? But I love that about you.”

Your face heated at the sound of the l-word as the two of you stared at each other, both in shock that the night happened and even happier that it did.

“I… I should go now,” he said in a daze. He didn’t want to leave and you didn’t want him to, but you knew he had work soon.

You nodded, waving at him as he left your house. “See you soon, Hitoshi.”

When the door closed shut behind him, you slumped a little. Tired and exhausted yet wishing you could see him soon. Though it might have been foolish, you couldn’t help but wish he was feeling the same.

Grabbing your phone on the coffee table, you unlocked it to check the time. You were about to shut it off and put it in your pocket when a notification bubble popped up on your screen.

“AirDrop: mememate would like to share a note,” it read, and a grin spread across your lips as you eagerly pressed accept.

The notepad application immediately opened up on your phone and you read the small message on the off-white display.

mememate: can’t wait for our date, y/n. p.s. i really really like you.

Letting out a surprised cry of joy, you held your phone to your chest, hugging it along with Hitoshi’s jacket he had left you.

From the other side of the door, Hitoshi had heard your scream and responded with a laugh of his own. A feeling of warmth in his heart as he placed his phone in his pocket and headed for his car. Thank goodness for AirDrop.

Your heart was pounding and your lips were still pulsing from the way he kissed you. Even as you got ready for bed and drifted off into a restful sleep, the silly smile never fell from your face.

You were grateful he came to get you at the nightclub, and you were grateful he was the recipient of your memes that day at the amusement park.

He made mistakes in the past and you were no saint either, but you had an opportunity to heal those wounds and be with Hitoshi again.

And you just couldn’t wait for your next date together.

a/n: AHHH THAT WAS A LOT,, pls let me know what you think! i know some readers never want to forgive shinsou at all and that’s okay, but i do think y/n forgives him and still really cares about him [and maybe l-words him? o.o] so i hope u support it 🥺 ilysm and thank you for reading! lmk ur thoughts !! xx

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