#i am so tired of being asked to cram 80 hours of work into a 40 hour week

[ainawgsd]

I think it's time for some "quiet quitting"

[jjmaybanksbaby]

Where It Leads (Rafe Cameron)

Summer IV

Part 07: Crashing Down

series masterlist | previous part

summary: A jarring family emergency forces you to consider the future of your relationship with Rafe Cameron.

a/n: I'm a little bit emotional about this series ending because I've had so much fun writing it! Enjoy the last part and, as always, please come share your reactions with me in my inbox. Okay, that's all from me!

word count: 2.1k words

Rafe Cameron knew how to text. He was somehow witty, charming, and hilarious all in less characters than a single tweet. Texting with most boys was like talking to a brick wall: single-syllable answers, unironic uses of punctuation, asking “What are you wearing?” before even listening to how your day went. Though, to be fair, Rafe had asked that same question a few times, which always earned him a sarcastic answer in return. Well, except for that one time.

You’d been forced to spill the beans about your dreamy summer romance to Alice and Kensie after one of Rafe’s funnier texts almost made you pee yourself laughing at the lunch table.

“Oh, so he’s a stud muffin,” Alice announced, peering over Kenzie’s shoulder at the photo on your phone.

“Please god don’t call anyone a stud muffin ever again Al,” Kenzie replied.

“What? The 80s are like making a comeback.”

“Yeah, not that,” you countered and Alice huffed.

“He’s totally hot though,” Kenzie said, handing the phone back to you. “And I kinda hate you for not telling us about him.”

You looked down at the picture. Rafe was kissing your check while you grinned up at the camera, the golden hour lighting made the whole thing look rather enchanting. It was your favorite picture of you and him.

“Oh shit,” Kenzie said causing you to look up from the phone. “You’re like in love in love with him.”

“What? No,” you protested. Yes, your brain corrected.

Kenzie glanced over at Alice for backup.

“Besides, I wasn’t hiding him. I just didn’t know if there was anything there to...tell,” you finished.

“I wish I had a handsome summer fling with spectacular cheekbones,” Alice sighed.

“Don’t let your boyfriend hear you saying that.” Kenzie chucked a fry off her tray at Alice who dodged it expertly.

“Oh, please. Matty knows I would dump his ass for someone who looks like a young Chuck Bass any day of the week. Gimme your phone. I wanna see the photos again y/n.”

“I seriously don’t know how you and Matthew have been together for two years,” Kenzie replied.

“Are you kidding? They’re practically made for each other,” you added.

“The phone, please,” Alice interjected. “I wanna thirst over your mans while my boyfriend is sucking up to his English teacher so she doesn’t fail him. Of course, I told him he needed to actually read Wuthering Heights and not just sparknotes it. But did he listen? No. I picked a real winner y’all,” she finished, taking the phone from your outstretched hands. “You sure Rafe doesn’t have any brothers? Not even like a half-step brother?”

So yeah, going great. Against the odds of three thousand miles, the whole thing was somehow working. Long-distance friends with benefits? Check. Well, except for those moments when that nagging feeling in your stomach came back and you’d start overthinking everything. His texts would sit, unread in your phone for days or even a whole week, slowly sinking to the bottom of your messages.

Then came the call from the Kildare Country Hospital in the early hours of a foggy April morning. You should have gone to sleep hours ago but were still up, desperately trying to cram Maria’s lines into your brain while also texting Rafe. The Sound of Music opened in three weeks and your director had already chewed you out twice for not being off-book, something about being an upperclassman and the lead, and what kind of an example were you setting for the rest of the program. Big speeches were kind of your director's thing, you learned to just ride them out.

Around 1 a.m. your phone ran with an incoming FaceTime call from Rafe. You pressed the green acccept button, a smile spread across your face as Rafe’s own filled the screen.

“Hey Broadway Star.”

“Hi Rafe.” The dim lighting of his bedroom made his feature especially striking. “What are you still doing up?”

“Can’t sleep. Plus you’re up too so. How’s the memorizing going?”

“Shitty,” you replied, closing your binder with a sigh. “I’m too tired to do anymore of it tonight anyway.”

“You know, I was thinking I could come to Oregon for your opening night?”

“Really?” The possibility of Rafe sitting in the audience made your heart race.

“Yeah, why not? I’ll ask Ward if I can borrow the plane that weekend and I bet Sarah’ll want to come too. I wanna see my girl kill it. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Rafe. You know my friends think you’re hot.”

“Oh, do they?” Rafe replied, rolling over onto his back in his bed.

“Don’t let it get to your head, Cameron.”

The home phone ran but you ignored it, much more invested in your conversation with Rafe. The second time the hospital left a message. Your Nonna’s heart had given out. The prognosis wasn’t good. She had barely any time left.

Your heart dropped as the words echoed over the speaker of the answering machine.

“Rafe,” you said, cutting him off momentarily. “I gotta go. I’ll call you back later. I gotta-” you ended the call before Rafe even had the chance to respond. You dropped your phone on the kitchen table, dashing up the stairs to your parents’ bedroom. Your father was booking a flight for your mother back to the Outer Banks minutes later.

The end had come so quickly, so unexpectedly. It was almost like that made it harder. There'd been just enough time for your mom and uncle to get to the Outer Banks, sitting on each side of your Nonna as her final breaths passed through her lungs. Now, everyone was there to say goodbye one last time. Uncle Austin and his fiancé. Your mom and dad. Both your siblings. The entire population of Figure Eight.

☼☼☼

Rain drizzled down from the dark, gray clouds looming overhead. It was as if Mother Nature was mourning your Nonna too, hiding the sunshine away.

Three baby ducks followed their mama into the man-made pond at the edge of the cemetery. You watched their tiny feet kick up small waves disturbing the peaceful water and the tears silently slipped down your face.

The cars were waiting to take you back to your Nonna's house for the wake. The same house with the for-sale sign now stuck in the front yard. The for-sale sign with Rose's patronizing grin that you were starting to really hate. Your dad had handled that. Listing the house. He'd handled most of the funeral arrangement's actually because your mother had been too sunken into her grief to make any decision. Sending out the invitations, picking out your Nonna's casket, choosing the flowers. Your mother clung to him during the entire funeral, weeping into his shoulder.

“Y/n?” Rafe's voice called out from behind you and you turned to see him walked toward you. He’d stood at the back of the church with his family during the funeral. You had longed for him to be sitting in the first pew next to you, to have had his hand to hold onto to ground you, but it hardly would have been appropriate. Your Nonna would have sooner risen from the dead than have had a Cameron front row at her funeral.

As soon as he was close enough, Rafe reached for you, pulling your body tight into him. Your head landed on his chest and the sobs came moments later. God, he always smelled the same. He just let you cry, holding you close, smoothing his hand over your hair.

“I know you’re selling your grandma’s house but I was thinking you could stay with me for the summer," he said as your tears began to slow. It was hard to imagine that you wouldn't return to the Outer Banks once school let out. It was the first week of May already and you could feel the tourist-attracting town waking up. But selling the house just made more sense. Your older sister was already living her life in New York, a real adult life. Next summer, you'd be moving out too, headed to college. The house would sit empty for eight months out of the year, your family couldn't keep it and your uncle certainly didn’t want it. Selling it just had to happen.

You stepped back, slipping out of his embrace. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Rafe.”

“Why not?”

“Cause we’re like Romeo and Juliet.”

“I copied Cleo’s notes for that unit," he joked, trying to lighten to damp mood. “Plus I was never a fan of Leo DiCaprio so I didn’t finish the movie either.”

“It means we’re not supposed to be together, you and me. And whenever we try, the universe rips us apart. We hurt each other.”

Rafe shifted awkwardly on his feet, clearly wanting to reach for you again but stopping himself from doing it. “But I can't lose you.”

You reached your hand out, brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. “Oh Rafe, don’t you get it? You never really had me.” You stood up onto your tiptoes to kiss him just like you had the first time three years ago. Rafe barely parted his lips, kissing you back gently. Your hand cupped his face, your thump stroking over his cheek. It was a goodbye. Both of you knew it. It was an ending and this was your closure. You pulled away, your hand falling away from his face.

You couldn’t bring yourself to say the actual words. Your eyes fell to the ground. You needed to walk away now. You side-stepped Rafe but he grabbed your waist, turning you back around to face him.

“So that’s it? You’re not even gonna try to fight for us?”

“What even is there to fight for, Rafe? I’ve been fighting for us for the past four years. If we were supposed to be together that car wouldn’t have crashed into ours, I wouldn’t have fallen for Evan when I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation at my Nonna’s funeral. What? Are we supposed to do long distance for all of college? I hardly know who I am right now. I have no idea who I’ll be in the next four years. Our future selves might not even like each other. I’m not gonna wait around for you Rafe and I would never ask you to do that for me.” You twirled the small, star charm between your fingers, a nervous habit you'd developed over the past year. His eyes dropped down to your neck momentarily and his adam's apple visibly bobbing as he swallowed his next weeks.

“You were it for me, you know. I tried to give a fuck about anyone else but I couldn’t get your gorgeous, stupid face out of my mind. I only wanted you.” Rafe paused gauging your reaction “I was falling in love with you.”

Your eyes wandered over his stoic expression. “The feeling was mutual, Rafe Cameron.”

He dropped your wrist but you both stood, not moving or saying anything. “Do you wanna walk me back to the car?”

“Yeah.” He reached for your hand, interlocking your fingers. Your other hand held onto his bicep so you walked together through the graveyard back to the parking lot.

The moment felt precious and delicate, like the fragile china your Nonna used to collect. You wondered what would happen to all that china.

Rafe placed a chaste kiss on your lips before opening the door of the car.

“I’ll miss you,” you said, the words hanging in the air meaning so much.

“Me too,” Rafe agreed.

You wanted one more kiss, one more passionate declaration of how much this all had meant but that would make leaving Rafe so much more impossible.

You climbed into the car, dropping Rafe’s hand in the process.

“See you around Cameron.” You knew it wouldn’t happen but it felt better than a goodbye.

He smiled back. “Maybe so.”

Perhaps Rafe was right and you’d both end up at a small liberal arts college in California taking the same second-year Econ class with a professor who always smelled like weed. Perhaps the stars would align and two of you would realize the universe wasn’t trying to keep you apart. It was just waiting for the right moment to show you that the love you had for each other was the soulmates, forever and ever kind of love. Perhaps you would get married and Sarah would be your maid of honor, of course. You’d buy back your Nonna’s house to raise your troubling-making kids in. Perhaps, you would find your way back and wake up each day and choose each other again and again.

Or perhaps, he'd always be your right-person-wrong-time. And, in the end, the passing days will steal away your memories of the blue-eyed boy from the Outer Banks.

taglist! @oreoenthusiast13

[ybyg]

Here’s my second Nihongo check-in!

Preface: Very pessimistic, I’m whining and shitting on grammar. Can’t be helped.

If you’re reading it, please don’t let it deter you from learning something new, like musical instruments and languages. Getting over hurdles will grant you gratification, and don’t be like me, wishing for instantaneous results. I’m an idiot, so be the opposite of me. Please remember that practice makes perfect.

About 9 days ago, I wrote about how I focused on kanji (that’s the Chinese characters used in Japanese for the uninitiated) through WaniKani and paying less attention to grammar and absolutely skipped thorough memorisation through other SRS, like Anki and my own notes.

This shouldn’t come as a surprise anymore, I did just about 3 hours of Japanese grammar since then.

Anyway, I’ve levelled up on Wanikani, and the last 2 levels have been the fastest I’ve levelled up, which makes me shake in my boots. Like. How. I felt like I’ve been making slow progress as things get harder, but apparently not?

My progress for each level so far:

As you can see, for level 4, it took me significantly less time to learn and level up. It’s not ideal to finish my kanji/vocabulary reviews with 10 lessons to spare (mostly vocab stuff) and when I click Home, and it suddenly shows I have close to 100 lessons because I’ve unlocked the next level.

This has happened twice. I had a heart attack.

Right now, I’ve learned 15/21 radicals (they’re a breakdown of each kanji) for level 6 which I surprisingly unlocked yesterday evening, and I have 48 lessons to go (the remaining radicals, new kanjis, and new vocab, I presume). I wanted to try my best to maintain a healthy 10-20 lessons per day, and at this rate, that’s not happening. I’m cramming kanji left and right, and this is how I start to not prioritise Anki, my notes and grammar.

I made my calculation (heh) based on this graph and for me to finish all 60 levels of WaniKani. Appaently it’ll take me 3 years to learn over 1.7k kanjis and 5k words. And that doesn’t account for when I have a job (it’ll slow down my progress). I’ll be 28 by then. And I want to have a working knowledge of the language by 30. Will it be possible? Dun dun dun.

I’ve also started to unlock ‘Enlighten’ for over 80 items I’ve learned (mostly from levels 1 & 2), and this has made me go back to those levels for a refresher. Just making sure they’re sticking in my brain until I unlock ‘Burn’ for these. (Burn here means you’ve passed it, and according to WaniKani, basically by the time you burn the items, they’re supposed to already be a part of you and you’re able to recall the kanji and words you’ve learned in no time).

Okay. Way too long for WaniKani. I swear I’m not being sponsored by them lmao. I guess it’s time to start complaining about grammar.

Sooooooo. This sucks. I hate grammar. It’s maths for languages where, upon explaining it, people think they’re making sense, but the longer the explanation is, the less sense it makes; so you’ll have to re-read the line a few hundred times before it starts to make some sense. And I just fucking despise maths.

I know it’s important, and especially when you’re learning a language, it’ll help you form your ideas correctly and succinctly. But what sucks about learning grammar is that when you finally have a grasp the idea and move on to another topic, everything you knew about the former just... disintegrates. There are way more rules to follow. It’s the start of ‘studying’, not ‘learning’. That’s just how daunting I find learning grammar.

In my experience, grammar has reduced my confidence, and I’m already a pessimist, so it bodes well /s. Unless someone is understanding, and even how long it took you to learn a language, people would make you think you’re lesser than (ohhh I’d know); and if your brain is an asshole and a half like mine, it’s not people, it’s just you. This is why I go to therapy.

Sorry. I went off-tangent there. Haven’t seen my therapist in 2 months because of Covid. 

As I’m typing this, I’m flipping through my old notes from uni about verb and tenses. English tenses gave me a hard time, and Japanese tenses are at least twice harder than that.

Disclaimer: The following bit is what they call ‘conjugation’ (I think), and in no way I claim these to be correct, and I’m not explaining it until I know for sure what each of the function is for, so take these with a fistful of salt. Seriously. I remember writing these down, but it’s been 4-5 years since uni, I don’t remember anything about this, however the pain in my chest is telling me otherwise.

For example for verb to-do ending in します (shimasu, drop the u at the end when pronouncing it, so it becomes shimas), and the word I’ve chosen is 食べます (たべます, to eat, in its polite form):

1. Present positive: 食べます　(たべます) - I suppose this means ‘I eat/am eating’?

2. Past positive: 食べました　(たべました) - This... ‘I ate’?

3. Present negative: 食べません（たべません）- ‘I’m not eating’?

4. Past negative: 食べませんでした（たべませんでした）- I dunno. ‘I didn’t eat’?

There’s also keiyoushi (adjectives), and in my notes they’re divided into two parts - the いーけいようし (i-adjective, words ending with  the ‘ee’ sound) and なーけいようし (the ‘every other adjective’ adjective), and for no apparent reason, some of the ee-ending words just fall under na-adjective. WHY!

These i- and na-adjectives start with です as the present positive. Yeah, that’s easy. As soon as past positive gets into the picture, it fucks you over.

i-adjective example I’ve chosen is 可愛い（かわいい, cute):

1. Present positive: 可愛いです（かわいいです)

2. Past positive: 可愛かったです（かわいかったです - the second い in kawaii is replaced by かったです

3. Present negative:　可愛くないです（かわいくないです）- just like the past positive, the second い in kawaii is replaced by, this time, くないです

4. Past negative: 可愛くなかったです（かわいくなかったです) - just like the other two, the second い is replaced by くなかったです

Do I want to do one for the na-adjective? No. I’m tired.

This is why I just wish I was either a genius or a person who doesn’t ask inane questions like ‘Why the fuck must it be this way?’

On a more positive note, my favourite word right now is マジで (maji de, spelt in katakana, and using hiragana for で). It means ‘seriously’, but after some checking, it also means ‘for real’ and ‘literally’. For instance: ‘たっくんはめっちゃかっこいいね。。。’ (Takkun is really handsome/cool, yeah?) and you reply it with ‘マジで？’ if you wanna sound sarcastic. (But no, Takkun is metcya kakkoii okay) Other than that, you can say ‘マジで？？？？？？？’ if you’re, for lack of a better word, shook.

Yes, I love my slangs and buzzwords...

Another thing, in Japanese, they don’t really use exclamation marks and question marks, at least formally anyway. You can scream on top of your lungs through text, but you’ll just use ‘maru’ 。which is their full stop。Maru quite literally means circle. But informally, you can use exclamation and question marks. By all means. Go to town with it.

[tuxiedjabberwock]

This Was My Lucy - a Fairy Tail one-shot

So this was the other Nalu angst week one-shot I wrote, but it was unfinished. Considering it was half-written, I chugged out a finisher, but judging by how tired it made me, I won’t be finishing the rest of them. :/

» memories

» this was my lucy…

Gray was never a fan of waking up early, not even when Ur would make the most enticing breakfasts and Ultear would shake the hell out of him and pour boiling water over his head, but some odd force brought him out of his daze long enough to catch the doorbell ringing. “Who in hell can that be at…” he peered groggily at his cellphone, “…seven in the morning?”

 He dragged himself from bed and slunk to the front door of his apartment, undoing the lock with a yawn. He barely had his hand around the doorknob before the door slammed open—right in his face. “Ice Princess, you up?”

 “…I am now,” he growled from the floor, a good-morning welt forming on his forehead. Natsu blinked down at him with hands on his jean-clad hips.

 “What’re you doin’ down there?”

 “Just enjoying the view. Why the hell do you think? And why are you here so freaking early, ash-for-brains? Didn’t I tell you not to bug me with your hyperactive ass until past twelve?”

 “You did, but, uh…” He looked awkward, and Natsu almost never looked awkward, nor did he ever try to bury himself in his father’s scarf like right then unless he was feeling especially shamefaced. Gray sighed and got to his feet, dusting himself off.

 “Get in already before all my cold air gets out. I’ll take a shower and be right with you.”

 “You need to let out some of this cold air,” Natsu grumbled as he moved inside and flopped onto his couch. Gray shook his head before heading to the bathroom and starting up the shower. He yawned again as he stepped inside the stall.

 I haven’t seen that idiot so bothered since he moved here, he thought. What could have him so upset? Igneel? Nah, that anniversary’s not until next month. Especially for him to run over here—we don’t talk too much to begin with. If it was anyone else, I’d think it was a girl, but Natsu’s skull is harder than a brick wall when it comes to romance.

 “Okay, what’s the big issue here?” Gray said as he returned to the living room. Natsu was sitting cross-legged on the floor now, and although he was staring at the television—which wasn’t turned on—his eyes were distant. He blinked back to the present at the sound of Gray’s voice.

 “I got some errands to run today,” he said. “And I need help.”

 “And I was the first person that came to mind?”

 “You’re my closest friend,” he responded. Gray raised his eyebrows, crossing his arms.

 “What errands?” Natsu didn’t respond right away, getting to his feet.

 “Shouldn’t take more than a few hours.”

 “You wanna stop being so cryptic and just tell me what we’re doing?”

 “…I want to apologize,” he finally admitted, looking away briefly before meeting Gray’s eyes. Those emerald irises of his were blazing like fire. “To this girl I love.”

 “To a girl…you love?” he echoed, the words not computing. “You love someone?” Natsu nodded without breaking eye contact. “I never thought I’d see the day…”

 “Will you help me or not?” he blurted in frustration. Gray wasn’t really planning on laying around all day, he did have things to do himself, but something about Natsu’s expression was so uncharacteristically desperate that he couldn’t help but pity him. He thought that the pink-haired moron loved two things, fire and food, but from his face and tone alone, Gray could glean how much she meant to him.

 Can’t believe I’m doing this, but… “Where to?”

  “This girl, what’s her name?” Gray asked as they reached a red light. Natsu was slumped in the passenger’s seat while staring blankly through the window.

 “Lucy,” he said, the name rolling off his tongue like a prayer, spoken with reverence. Gray remembered using that same tone to talk about Ur once upon a time.

 “Lucy what?”

 “Just Lucy… She liked it like that. ‘Just Lucy—I’m nothing else,’ she’d tell me all the time.” He chuckled at the memory.

 “She’s in your old town?” Natsu never told Gray where he moved from, just that it was pretty far from Magnolia. He had only even been living in Magnolia for the last six months or so and didn’t talk about himself much at all. Gray could count on one hand the facts he knew about Natsu: his dad’s name was Igneel, he had a brother, and he was probably the smartest-dumbest person he knew.

 “Nah, she’s back in her hometown,” he told him. “Her family wanted her there.”

 “And I’m guessing you haven’t seen her since…whatever happened?” Natsu shook his head. The light changed and they headed towards downtown. Natsu directed him into a plaza full of shady shops, the kind with self-painted names over the canopy, and led him into one with a black Harley Davidson parked out front. Gray was perplexed, but Natsu seemed fairly confident as he pushed inside, a little bell signaling their entrance. The place was a CD shop filled with old ‘80s bands that he barely knew of, and the cashier was a rough-looking man he recognized after a second.

 “Gajeel, you work here?”

 “Own it,” he corrected, regarding first Gray, then Natsu with his sharp red eyes. “What’re you two doin’ here?”

 “Levy’s quill and ink. Can I get it?” Natsu asked, jumping straight to the point. Both Gray and Gajeel gave him a bewildered look.

 “Why the hell?” Gajeel asked.

 “It’s for a girl.”

 “From you, to a girl? And she’s human?”

 “You wanna pick a fight!?”

 “Hey, sure you can have ‘em, but I gotta come along to see her.” Natsu shrugged to show that it was whatever and Gajeel reached under the counter to pull out an unopened bottle of ink and a wrapped quill. “I’m guessin’ your girl’s a writer too?”

 “Yeah, she loves telling stories,” he said, carefully shifting the items into his drawstring bag. “It’s how we met, actually. C’mon, next stop.”

 Natsu and Gajeel had a mini-brawl outside over who would sit in the passenger’s side (since Gajeel cared very little about Natsu’s emotional state, or at least prioritized the seat over Natsu’s emotional state) and since Gajeel was bigger and buffer and able to body Natsu out of the seat, he won the fight. “Where to next?” Gray asked as Natsu sulked in the backseat.

 “The bakery.” Gray raised an eyebrow as he reversed from the parking spot. Natsu went there often to talk to Erza, but not as a customer—he hated sweets with a burning (no pun intended) passion.

 “So, Dragneel,” Gajeel said into the silence, “you gonna spill about this girl of yours?”

 “…She loves writing,” he said after a moment’s thought. “We had English together and she’d always know every little detail about whatever we read. I’m no prick about bookworms or anything like that, but one day I asked her, ‘How come you like reading so much?’

 “And she got all red and nervous and eventually she told me: ‘I…wanna be a journalist. So I study up on others’ writing to better myself.’” He gave a goofy smile unlike his normal manic one and itched the back of his head in embarrassment.

 “I’m not a big reader, but I told her, ‘Well, if you ever need some action shots, call me, cuz I love gettin’ into the thick of things.’ And she laughed, and I realized how much I love that sound. I gave her my phone number so she would, but the first time she called, we talked all night about random things we like, like music and places.”

 Gray pulled into the bakery’s parking lot and they walked inside to see Mirajane and her sister working hard at the counter for the midmorning customers. Erza was near the front at the display window looking over a rack of strawberry coffee cakes before she saw the others through the glass. “I don’t suppose you’ve finally wised up to the delicious wiles of baked goods, Natsu?” she said as they entered.

 “Never!” he cried petulantly, earning an exasperated look from Gray that he returned full-force. “You got an eye problem or something, ice princess?”

 “It’s you with the problem here, you pyrotechnics piss-ant,” he growled in return as they bumped foreheads. Erza easily sliced a hand between them and tossed them apart.

 “There will be no fighting in this safe haven, understood?” she warned, giving them each a look that would peel lead paint.

 “Aye!” Natsu and Gray complied.

 “Now, Natsu, what is it that you need?”

 “Um…” He looked around for a moment before his eyes lit up and, going over to the breads section, took up a bag of blueberry bagels. “These!”

 “Bagels? We couldn’t have gotten them at the grocery store?” Gajeel snorted.

 “Nah, Lucy likes ‘em fresh. It all tastes the same to me though.”

 “Everything tastes the same when you guzzle it without chewing,” Gray pointed out. Natsu ignored that and joined the line, and Gray brought the others back to the car to wait for him.

 “Why is Natsu buying blueberry bagels?” Erza asked him.

 “They’re for a girl, quote-unquote.”

 “A girl, for Natsu?” she asked, an eyebrow cocked. “I know he’s full of surprises, but something of this magnitude…”

 “Yeah, our reaction exactly,” Gajeel smirked. “If ya want, ya can tag along to see her too.”

 “Oh?” She considered the offer for a moment. “Well, I don’t have work until the evening. Why not?”

 Natsu looked less than pleased to see Erza crammed into the car as well, but jumped inside without a word. “Central Park,” he told Gray.

 “So, Natsu, about this girl,” Erza said as silence descended on them through the car ride. Natsu shrugged a shoulder and turned his head to the window, but it didn’t hide the redness creeping over his ears.

 “We met, we talked, we became friends,” he said vaguely.

 “That ain’t what ya said before, pinky,” Gajeel jeered.

 “Okay, okay! We started talking a lot more, and we would always meet up at this park on the weekends. Since it’s not too far from the bakery, she would come with pastries, even when I kept telling her I don’t like sugar. She’d pout, and then one day she was like, ‘I’ll make you like them.’ I didn’t get what she meant until the next morning.” His whole ears and the back of his neck flushed pink and he ducked into his scarf. “She covered her lips in powdered sugar and kissed me.”

 “Aww, look at Dragneel blushing,” Gajeel cooed, making kissy faces at him. Natsu growled and snapped at him while Gray laughed.

 “Was that your first kiss?” Erza was all genial, not patronizing like Gajeel and Gray, and Natsu relaxed a bit.

 “Un… Yeah,” he said after a moment. “It was.” Another pause, then his eyelids lowered. “And it was my last.”

 No one knew what to say as they walked onto the park grounds. It was ten o’clock, so the early morning residents were just filing in. The playground squeaked and rang with children’s laughter, and excited dogs barked into the sky. Natsu ignored it all and moved straight towards an unassuming bench a few paces from the path. Next to it was a barren lemon tree, and tied around the middle of the trunk was a blue hair ribbon. “I’d like to see her, but her hometown’s a four-hour plane ride away,” he said softly, standing right in front of the tree. “But this is the place where I feel closest to her, in all of Magnolia.”

 “Natsu?” Gray asked. Natsu smiled without mirth, then his lips pulled into a frown as he stooped down before the tree, absently tracing patterns on the smooth bark.

 “We sorta dodged each other after the kiss, because we didn’t know what it would mean for us. That was a stupid decision. Anyway, I went to her apartment one day to finally break the ice, and she wasn’t home, but the door was open. I saw her keys lying on her bed, and…she always had these little golden keys, kinda like trinket Keyblades, that she carried with her everywhere. She had nine, but there was another one next to the rest, and it was broken in two. I waited for a couple of hours, but she didn’t come back, and eventually I had to leave.

 “The next day she wasn’t in class, but there was this other girl, Brandish, that she was really close with. Brandish said that Lucy lost her best friend Aquarius that day, and that she didn’t know the details, but she saw how harshly Lucy blamed herself for it. I went looking for Lucy all that day and all the next day, but it was like she disappeared. Then, eventually, I found out where she’d gone.” He reached into the folds of his scarf and produced the cover page of a newspaper, holding it out. The four of them unfolded it and crowded around to read the headline:

 “TWENTY-ONE-YEAR-OLD COLLEGE STUDENT FOUND DEAD IN HARGEON.”

 “She blamed herself,” he whispered. “I didn’t realize how much. I wasn’t there for her, and that’s my biggest regret ever. That’s why I want to apologize.”

 “Natsu…” Gray sighed, but there was nothing he could say. The only one who could give him the reprieve he needed was Lucy, and she couldn’t. Erza knelt down and rested her hands on his shoulders, leaning into his back. Gray joined her on the ground and rested an elbow against Natsu’s side. Gajeel looked uncomfortable for a moment, then crouched awkwardly next to their small gathering.

 “’m sorry, Lucy,” he mumbled, gripping his scarf hard. He sniffed, then repeated it slightly louder as the first tears began to fall. They let him have his moment of silence, trying and failing not to cry, then he regressed into hiccoughs and scrubbed at his face with the tail of his shirt.

 “Here.” Erza offered her handkerchief that Natsu took without a word, wiping his reddened eyes.

 “Thanks, guys…”

 “But yer an idiot,” Gajeel remarked as they stood, leaving their items there at the foot of the tree. Natsu spun on him, equal parts shocked and annoyed, as Gajeel continued impassively. “I mean, the way ya went about describin’ her in brutal detail, I’d say she didn’t hold it against ya. She sounds kinda like the Shrimp, in fact: she probably had some big problem she thought she could solve alone.”

 “She knew she could call me for help then!” he exploded, his eyes flashing, then the energy left him in a rush. “She should’ve known, at least…”

 “She knew,” Erza said with conviction. “I’m sure of that.”

 “Also,” Gray added, causing him to start a bit, “thanks, Natsu.”

 “Whuh?” he said, perplexed.

 “For sharing this with us, I mean. As annoying as you’ve been this past year, you always kept to yourself—today is the first day I’ve seen you, and so I’m thanking you.”

 “Well, uh,” he said gruffly, still flabbergasted. “You’re welcome, I guess.”

 “But this doesn’t change the fact that I’m kicking your ass tomorrow for waking me up so early.”

 “Say that again!” And Natsu tackled him to the ground, starting a muddy wrestling match that was broken apart by the park rangers. And even as they were “peacefully” asked to leave, dirt in their hair and their clothes askew, they all laughed together.

 He didn’t really want Lucy’s forgiveness, Gray realized after a while. He wanted the world to forgive himself, so that he could sit back and think “This was my Lucy,” and not feel guilty about it. It kind of reminds me of Ur, now that I think about it. He threw an arm around Natsu’s shoulders and dug his knuckles into flame-brain’s temple, letting it turn into another shoving match. Well, I guess if the world can forgive an ice-hearted bastard like me, it can find some room for this pink-headed moron too.

[trustmsfox]

Every end is a new beginning

As my return to work looms up ahead, I am filled with all the feels. The thought of being away from my boy makes me feel anxious, scared and desperately sad, but the thought of interacting with adults and having intellectual challenges fills me with adrenaline and excitement... and then feeling any sort of excitement fills me with mum guilt. It’s basically a kind of shit sandwich, but the bread is the shit. Looking back on my maternity leave, there are also lots of other feels, which I feel I should record, but I’ve whittled it down to the top 3 to keep boredom to a minimum. And what better way to record them than with a nice list! Oooh I do love a list.

1. Regret, for all the things my boy and I haven’t done. Yes I know that probably sounds silly, but in my head I was going to be able to get so much more done during maternity leave! What an idiot. Here are some of the things I thought I might do... volunteer work, starting a business, my wedding photo album (I’m pretty sure I’ll be 80 and this still won’t be done), strapping my baby to me and waltzing off into London for days out, trips to the beach, tonnes of baby classes, seeing other friends who are also on maternity leave on the regs, hanging out with my family lots... the list (actually I guess this is a list within a list) goes on.... Prior to having a baby I believed that attitude is everything, and don’t get me wrong it does help, but a lot depends on what sort of baby you have, what sort of birth you have, and what sort of cards you are dealt in life generally. I’ve watched some mums hold fast to a sense of gritty determination and no-nonsense attitude that I am frankly in awe of. No amount of sleepless nights or nap battles or crying fits will stop them. They get up, they do things, they go places and I genuinely don’t know how they do it. Me? I had the best laid plans but it turns out that just surviving was hard enough most of the time. Who knew!?

2. Pride, that I’ve kept a small human being alive for all this time. And not just any human being, but a very big, bright, determined, shouty, screamy human being. I love my son to the moon and back but he has not been an “easy” baby. Sleep has been fucking hard, feeding has been fucking hard, his distance and crankiness and downright screaminess during every single development leap and period of teething has been fucking hard. So many of my choices about how to spend my time this year have been by rules by tantrum-related anxiety and avoidance, and yet I have gritted my teeth, got on with it, got through it and come out the other side. Yes, there was a time when I genuinely lost my grip on my sanity and my anxiety totally blew up, but I overcame it and I feel like I’ve come out stronger, tougher, more patient, more resilient person.

3. A kind of resentment at the fact that it must end when my boy is at such a joyous age. If you’d asked me to go back to work at 4 months, part of me would have jumped at the chance, just to get a mental break from it all. Now however, now is so different. Yes I still have those moments of feeling frustrated, I am still tired (despite averaging 7-8 hours sleep a night I am still ALWAYS tired), but more than anything right now I am happy. My son is such a joy to be around and we have so much fun. The days of cryptic crying and trying to work out how to get him the fuck to sleep are a thing of the past. He smiles, he laughs, he plays, he explores. I spend my days marvelling at how much development he has crammed into just a few months and my heart swells with pride at each new skill he masters. I am utterly blown away by how little I have had to do with any of it. Healthy babies (and ye gods words can’t express how grateful I am that I have a healthy baby - I absolutely do not take this for granted) pop out of the womb with all this development stuff hard wired. It’s just incredible to watch and all you really need to do is provide a safe environment for them to do their thing. I am so very sad that when I go back to work I won’t have the luxury of spending all this time with him, watching him grow.

They say all good things come to an end, but also that an end means a new beginning. We have so much change ahead of us as we adjust to our new way of life and above all I know I just need to be thankful, SO THANKFUL, that I’ve been able share these special months with my boy. It has been the most indescribable year of my life!

[garciniacambogicanadablog-blog]

Garcinia cambogia canada review with results

Together with all the interest including garcinia cambogia with its claimed weight loss positive aspects, not much has been talked about regarding how to use it to the complete potential. Making an attempt to learn the methods you are able to make a better use of these advantages can offer an extra benefit in your initiatives to get rid of weight gain. Take a look at my guide to weight loss without exercise.

This is interesting. I have never heard of it either. I wonder with it being sourish if it has any relation to grapefruit? You know that helps with weight lose but cannot be used with blood pressure medicines, maybe some others I am not sure but can be dangerous. I will certainly look into it, thank you.

Reviews of Anecdotal Experience(s): The product increases focus, concentration, and overall productivity while you're studying, cramming, or working in general. Also makes you feel happier during the whole process. I would recommend taking the capsule, and then start to study or start your project. After the effects of Limidax start to kick-in within 30 minutes, your will-power increases dramatically. After working for an hour, most people will persuade themselves that they deserve a break, or will wander off to facebook or youtube. However, while on Limidax, you may feel pangs of discomfort when you stop working on a task you've been trying to get finished and then begin to get intrusive thought about getting back to your work. Then, when you return to your work, you feel happier about completing your project. Great experience.

Açaí is a South American palm tree and its berries are said to have beneficial medicinal properties. Acai berries are also used in food and cosmetics as a purple colourant or as a flavouring in juices, ice cream, jelly and liqueur. However, in terms of medicine, acai berries are said to improve general health, as well as treating conditions including diarrhoea, osteoarthritis, high cholesterol and erectile dysfunction. More specifically, and in this case, acai berries can also be used as a weight loss agent, as it's found in several dietary products, and there's 25mg of acai berry extract in each Garcinia Cambogia XT capsule.

As I only have one kidney and borderline diabetic, losing fat was a desirable thing to do. I did internet research and decided to try a 6 month supply to really give it a chance. I followed directions meticulously and ate healthy and exercised as physical status would allow. I lost no weight or noticeable fat as measured by tape measure for before and after. As I have no phone, I contacted the company by email and received no reply. I have again contacted the company to engage their 365 day money back guarantee but have serious doubts. I am out one hundred and ninety eight dollars with no noted results and will probably be shuffled off into that dark closet for the unwanted and unnoted comments.

Another benefit of taking Garcinia Extract supplements is the fact that the HCA also prevents the production of fat cell from carbohydrates. It does this by inhibiting the enzyme citric lyase. This allows your body to use up the energy it get from carbs instead of storing it as fats.

It lowers the concentration of LDL in your blood, as well as being a natural supplement. In addition to this, it increases the concentration of HDL or good cholesterol levels throughout the body. HCA also aims to target your belly fat, as well as improves your cardiovascular health.

I did read the negatives, but I decided to do everything I could to achieve the success others had written about. I downloaded MyFitnessPal on my Iphone as well as Accupedo, which are both free Aps. MyFitnessPal helps you diary the calorie count for everything you put in your mouth. Accupedo measures your steps for the day. I put myself on a 1,400 calorie count for the day and tried to walk 10,000 steps every day. With MyFitnessPal, you can also add in the exercise you have done for the day, which in turn, can give you extra calories you can add into your diet.

Last summer, I decided to put CLA to a test of my own. My husband, my daughter and I took CLA for about 6 months, along with a healthy diet and regular exercise program. All of us experienced a significant reduction in abdominal fat and lost about 4-5 pounds in the space of 2-3 weeks after beginning the supplements.

The next step I took to review Miracle Garcinia Cambogia. Is that I wanted to check out their customer service. You would not believe how bad some of these companies customer service is. Most times you can't even send them an e-mail to ask a simple question.

The prevalence of overweight and obesity has increased over the last decade 1 , and current measures have not been able to stem the tide. A wide variety of weight management strategies are presently available, and some involve the use of dietary supplements marketed as slimming aids. One such slimming aid is Garcinia extract, (-)-hydroxycitric acid (HCA).

The UK study compared the activity levels of the students at school and after school for 24 hours a day. Surprisingly the weekly activity levels of the students from the three schools were virtually the same. Students who exercised more at school were less active afterward so that their activity appeared to have a threshold or set point.

For centuries, this fruit has been lauded for the health benefits that it brings. These days, many men and women are discovering exactly how powerful this extract really is. After all, the premiere brands work to support the most rapid, stress-free weight loss, without causing any adverse side effects or symptoms. However, some men and women may not get good weight loss results with Garcinia Cambogia, simply because they choose the wrong brands of this extract.

One thing I did notice about that extra energy was that if I took my Hydroxycut too close to bedtime, I'd have a hard time being tired enough to fall asleep at the normal hours. Taking Hydroxycut at least about 4-5 hours before bed seemed to fix that issue.

If you maintain a healthy diet and take the recommended dose of Garcinia cambogia extract per day, you may be able to lose more weight than someone who is eating the same diet and maintains the same exercise routine as you, at least according to current clinical studies and research.

It seems that Garcinia Cambogia XT is an independent company, and this is evident from their disclaimer at the bottom of their home page which says ‘© 2013 Garcinia Cambogia XT' which also indicates that it's a fairly new product. The company is based in the US, which is clear from the numerous badges on the site saying ‘made in USA', although it's also apparent that they currently only serve US customers, which may not be ideal for a lot of international consumers. They also provide a '60 day money back guarantee' which is promoted across their site.

If weight loss is your aim, nothing better than Lean Body Extreme can give you that extra slim and sexy appeal that you desire to have. This slimming supplement naturally facilitates fat oxidation and allows you shed excess fat and pulp in a healthy and easy way.

Where does Saffron come from ? It comes from the flower crocus sativus, which blooms in the fall, producing fragrant, light purple flowers. Unfortunately only the three small female parts of the plant can be used to make the extract. Due to this, it is known to be the most expensive extract in the world, selling for over $300 an ounce. Probably because it takes 75,000 flowers to make one pound. Spain grows 70% of the worlds supply as a side crop on family farms. It has been grown the same way for hundreds of years.

You often tend to run out of steam by the third week when you are following a medication. The fact that I was down 2 full dress sizes encouraged me to carry on. Energy levels were intact this week and I didnt even have to take that light nap during the afternoons. I lost another 3.5 lbs and noticed that the digestive system was working really smooth. There was no embarrassing gas after meals The Garcinia Cambogia pills were actually working for me.

Greetings Val, I would like to apologize for the misunderstanding and confusion. We take great pride in our customer service. We will be more than happy to answer any questions you may have. 80% of our customers continue on past the trial date. Everything you may or may not need answers to are clearly stated in our terms and conditions. Again we apologize for the confusion. If need be feel free to give us a call and one of our representatives will be glad to help in any way.

In line with garcinia weight loss review this dietary supplement is usually stuffed by using a normal substance acknowledged as HCA that's an antioxidant that accelerates fat burning inside the human entire body. Beside HCA there are actually other subsequent quantities of calcium, chromium and potassium. These components will probably be the primary substances that make Garcinia cambogia objects much more absorb-able and robust in stabilizing the body's wellness. If these components along with the HCA extract are missing all over the label of your package then it really is quite obvious that the products is fake.

There's some interest in garcinia cambogia as a weight-loss ingredient, but this time around we wanted to focus on the potential for garcinia cambogia side effects by going through ingredients and clinical research. We scoured tons of user comments and reviews to find just the detailed facts about what dieters were experiencing. We refined all that info to give you the bottom line.

This article is a bit different from the Hydroxycut reviews that you may encounter from typing Hydroxycut” in a Google search or on a marketing website. I'm only touching briefly on Hydroxycut's history and ingredients list, since there are plenty of other places out there to find that information. Truthfully, it's hard for anyone to know how the blend of extracts and powders in Hydroxycut really functions; all we can say is that Hydroxycut has generated enough buzz to rest at the top of the fat-burning supplement heap.

While that may not seem like a lot to many, it is pretty healthy considering that I only work out 3 times per week, but have cut portions thanks to this supplement. If you are looking for a healthy way to jumpstart your weight loss, improve your current diet regime, or get past a stubborn stalemate on your weight loss, then this is a great product to add to your dieting arsenal.

That brings us to the second major approach to weight loss, which is reducing calorie intake. Many of the top fat burners use ingredients that can help to suppress your appetite. You can imagine how valuable calorie intake reducers could be, especially when used in combination with calorie expenditure increasers.