#i am so obsessed with this band i’ve seen them live three times i try to go every time they play my city!

[excelsior9173]

🎧 i’m so here for the dumbass music <3

haha and of course my library betrays me and doesn’t give me something dumb 😂 you got a song from one of my fave canadian artists right now!

[where-theres-smoak-2]

10 Little Things I Missed in JATP The First Time Around.

So after binge watching Julie and the Phantoms in one day naturally the first thing I did was go back and watch it all over again and on the rewatches I noticed some things that I didn’t the first time around. Now I’m a few months late to the party so most of these are probably things that most people have already spotted but I figured I’d share them with you anyway just because I love how much detail they put into this show and I need to fangirl about it lol. Obviously there are spoilers. 

1) Missing Persons. In episode 1 when the boys are eating the hotdogs, behind luke you can see his missing person poster showing that his parents were looking for him and trying to get him to come home which is honestly just heartbreaking and tears at my soul. 

2) Signs, all the Signs. In episode 2 when they go to check on reggie’s parents and find the bike shop the name of the bike shop is ‘Petals on the Beach’. Julie’s mum was in a band named ‘Rose and the Petal Pushers.’ Then in episode 5 when we see Willie at the Hollywood Ghost Club we can see that he has a flower pin on his jacket. 

I don’t know for sure if it’s a dahlia or not but it does look like it is to me. Then in episode 6 when Luke goes to see his parents there is a vase of Dahlia’s on the counter behind them. Obviously these flowers link to Julie’s mum and I think it’s interesting that these three things are being linked to Julie’s mum. My theory is that these are connected to each of the boys unfinished business somehow and Rose is leaving hints for the boys. I also think their unfinished business might link back in someway to their parents. We know that they all left their parents on bad terms. Reggie’s parents were having troubles and were close to divorce, Alex’s weren’t accepting of his sexual orientation and Luke ran away leaving on bad terms. We’ve seen a little bit of resolution in Luke’s regard but the other two still haven’t had any. I also don’t think its any one thing that’s their unfinished business but more like a collection of milestones they need to resolve. 

3) Fire, Water and Leather Vests. In episode 6 when the band performs finally free Julie is wearing her mum’s vest, its the same one we see Rose wearing in episode 1 when she meets sunset curve. 

Since then either rose or julie has added doodles to it. One of the doodles looks like flames, fire is a symbol of rebirth or resurrection. Another of the doodles looks like waves/ water. Water is a symbol of both life and freedom which makes it kind of perfect for a song called ‘finally free’.  

There is more fire symbolism in Stand Tall with the special effects behind the band showing fire like imagery. Throughout the performance it shows glowing embers and fireworks. 

Which is also similar to the firery effect made by the lights in the background of their Finally Free performance. 

These along with other symbols of rebirth and resurrection is obviously connected to how the boys were brought back to ‘life’ again by Julie but also how they brought Julie back to life too. 

4) More Doodles. Again sticking with episode 6 when we see Julie drawing on her microphone she is drawing a birthday cake which is meant for Luke. We know that she only seems to draw things that are important to her on the microphone the other doodles include a rose and a dahlia obviously symbolic of her mother, the words double trouble which links her to Flynn, the words I’ve got the music and music notes, this is her connection to music. Then the final thing she draws on it is the birthday cake which shows how Luke is important to her. I also think its important that she does this right after learning more about him and seeing a deeper side to him, I do think this is when her feelings for him really deepened. 

5)  Braided Together. This is one that I think alot of people noticed but the braids in Julie’s hair in both I got the Music and Stand Tall are the colours of the three boys, red, blue and pink. Again showing how intertwined all of their souls are with each other and with music. I think it very much represents how the boys brought music back into her life.

6) The Power of Purple. Both Caleb and Julie have the rare power of being able to make ghosts visible to lifers and most likely have other mystical powers too if that last scene with the band glowing and being able to be touched by Julie is any indication. Both of them wear the colour purple. 

The colour purple symbolises magic, mystery and spirituality. I do feel like Julie and Caleb are the opposite sides of the same coin. They both posess similar powers but they are using them for very different reasons. I think they very much represent the living and the dead. Julie kind of brings people back to life whereas Caleb draws people to the otherside, the afterlife. 

7) Greek Mythology. Speaking of the afterlife, in episode 5 when at the Hollywood Ghost Club, Caleb encourages the boys to eat some food, on first watch this just came across as a kinda funny scene but when I rewatched it I realised something. I actually think this is a nod at the myth of Persephone and the pomegranate seeds. In greek mythology if you ate or drank anything in the underworld then you would be trapped there forever. Obviously we know not long after eating Caleb brands the boys with his club stamp forcing them to make the decision of joining his band for eternity or being destroyed by the jolts. He decieves them just as Hades decieves Persephone.  

8) Full Circle. Both the band’s first performance (Bright) and last (stand tall) starts with Julie on stage alone unknowing that the boys are going to show up. In the first performance she doesn’t know yet that they can be visible when on stage with her and in Stand tall she thinks they have been destroyed by the jolts already. It brings her journey full circle. 

9) Maternal Ties. The first time we see Luke perform and the last he has the same scarf tied around his arm.

He also has this same scarf in his back pocket during finally free both the performance and the episode as a whole. My theory is that the scarf belonged to his mother. During Unsaid Emily when you see him packing and arguing with his mother the scarf is in his back pocket. You can see it in his back pocket again during unsaid emily when he is singing as a ghost if that makes sense. 

It tends to show up, from what I can tell, either when Luke is having a big moment like the night that was suppose to be sunset curve’s big break at the Orpheum or Julie and the Phantoms performance at the Orpheum. Or when it has something to do with his mother like in episodes Finally Free and Unsaid Emily. I think he carries it as a good luck charm. 

10) Butterflies and Roses. In episode 7 during the edge of great performance the butterflies on julie’s top are the colours of the band. Red for Reggie, blue for Luke, pink for Alex and purple for Julie. Butterflies are a symbol of transformation and again another symbol of rebirth and resurrection. Also during the final performance Reggie has butterflies and flowers on his vest. Luke has roses on his guitar strap (also skulls but lets ignore that for now) and Alex has a rose in his suit jacket. 

Again the butterflies are symbolising the rebirth of the group but also could be to do with that transformation the boys go through at the end where they can now be touched. (I have soo many questions about that scene.) Also we have the roses which again shows the link to Rose and how she brought Julie and the boys together. 

Like I said I’m sure most of these are really obvious but I get excited about little details like these and the producers really did do an amazing job at weaving them throughout the show. I’m sure there are even more that I’ve missed so if you know of anymore please feel free to enlighten me. Still keeping my fingercrossed for a season 2.

 Edit: I found more fun little details and yes I am obsessed, part 2 can be read here if anyone is interested. 

[sazc94]

Bad Idea, a Bucky Fanfic

A/N Sensitive themes including injury, smut and kidnapping/suggestions of abuse. 18+ Also I'm still new at this so any feedback is appreciated.

Requested by @lannycleave

Prologue Part 2

Words: 3153

Part 1

6 Months ago: NYC Avengers Tower.

You rocked up to the tower with a duffle bag, Natasha had text you to say they had a mission for you, and it would be a 3 day one so to bring clothes. You were an agent of S.H.E.I.L.D not an Avenger. That being said Sometimes when agents were needed you got to go along on their missions thanks to your Friendship with Miss Romanoff and America’s golden boy Steve Rogers. The rest of the time you were on your own missions or helping to train new recruits.

“Hey Y/N, long time no see, did Mr. Roboto scare you off” Joked Sam as he clapped you on your back. You weren’t as good as FitzSimmons when it came to tech, but you held your own, you’d recently helped Sam with some upgrades to Red Wing, that was when you’d been introduced to The Winter Soldier, Sargent Bucky Barnes. You couldn’t help but stare at him when you met him, he was just so, well hot to put it bluntly.

Of course, he had barely acknowledged your existence other than polite conversation before he got called away to a mission.

“Ha, if anyone was going to scare me off it would be you with your creepy obsession with red wing” you winked at Sam before taking a bite of the apple you had swiped from the fruit bowl. Before Sam even had chance to think of a comeback, Tony walked into the communal dining/living area, followed closely by Nat and Steve. Nat nodded her head in the direction of the small briefing room. “That’s my cue” you smiled at Sam before following along.

“Agent Y/N, good to see you again, as your aware we require your assistance for a mission, I’ve been given clearance from Commander Hill, and you come highly recommended from the team. I’ve seen you in action in the training rooms and you seem like a capable candidate,” Said Tony. Your eyebrows shot up, it appeared Tony was running point on this mission, not unusual for the Avengers sure, but all your previous missions with the Avengers had been overseen by Nick Fury or more recently Commander Hill.

“This mission is off the books, I got the intel from Morgan actually, we have reason to believe there is a small cartel family, trafficking young children to Hydra” Tony continued.

“Morgan noticed a new kid at school, acting suspicious, they reminded her of how Uncle Bucky, and Steve are when lifting heavy things” Said Steve. “Morgan said they joined her class out of know where, quietly slipping in as if they’d been in her class all along, then a week later, they stopped showing up.” Concluded Steve.

“So, why do you need me?” You asked. At that moment, the door to meeting room opened and in walked Bucky, he didn’t move to sit down instead pressing himself into the corner of at the back the room. “We need intel” Said Nat. “Basically we need someone who’s not recognizable like me, but is someone we trust, and Y/N if Steve and I trust you then that’s good enough for Tony”. She continued. “Intel, right I can do that, so what’s the plan and where am I going” you asked.

“We’re going to Boston” said Bucky, your eyebrows shot up, you had presumed you were going by yourself. “I may not be The Winter Soldier anymore, but I can still remember some hotspots for HYDRA activity and Boston is their most obvious choice as a few higher ups from HYDRA own property out there” he continued.

“Y/N, we know we are asking a lot of you here, but we trust Bucky to keep this under wraps and we trust you,” Said Tony.

So that was how you ended up in Boston in the middle of October in a small one-bedroom apartment with Mr. Bucky Barnes. There was a fold out couch which Bucky took and left you the bedroom. You had been given Three days to gather as much intel as possible before reporting back to Tony, Steve and Nat on day 4

. Day one had been a bust, you and Bucky had split off to follow separate trails, your paths meeting at the same spot where the trail had gone cold. Day two had gone much better, as your paths had already crossed once you both decided to work on the same lead. Stark had been on to something with the human trafficking, you tracked a lot of vehicle traffic coming into an old gym/leisure center.

Day 3 was when everything changed. You had agreed with Bucky that he would stay back at the apartment whilst you tried to get into the building, you couldn’t risk Bucky being discovered by Hydra and whilst you knew what intel you already had would be a huge lead for Nat and the rest you decided you had come this far you might as well try and see inside.

“You promise you’ll get out of there the second you feel like you’re in danger?” Bucky asked. “Stark might trust me to keep this under wraps but that doesn’t necessarily mean he trusts me and if anything happens to you, I’m sure he’ll find a way to blame me” Bucky said, his blue eyes flickered over with confliction and pain. Before this mission you hadn’t really had much interaction with Bucky, but you could tell he regretted his actions as The Winter Soldier. I put your hand on Bucky’s Vibrainium arm and smiled at him softly.

“ I solemnly swear that I am up to no good, but if I’m about to get caught I will high tail it out of there” you said. (Spoiler alert you didn’t)

“For Fucks Sake Y/N!” Bucky shouted slamming the apartment door shut behind him, he looked pissed, like really pissed. His usually clear blue eyes had thundered over, turning them a deeper shade of blue almost black.

You’d had every intention of getting out of the building if you felt you were in trouble, but then you’d gotten cocky thinking that this could lead to a promotion, even if the mission were off the books if Tony Stark and Steve Rogers were impressed with your work then that would mean something.

Unfortunately, this attitude had nearly cost you the mission. You had let your guard down and not only that you had actually fallen down. You had been creeping along a ledge outside what appeared to be a makeshift infirmary on the first floor. You head voices coming from two windows along and had inched further to try and get a clearer listen, however you hadn’t realized the brick was in poor condition and had already started to crumble away from the wall. T

hat was the moment you knew you’d fucked up because you went barreling down. Thankfully, there was a balcony to break your fall or else you’d have done some serious damage. You also hadn’t exactly been quiet as you fell down the face of the wall, so you didn’t exactly stick around, you snapped a few pictures of the building entrance from the balcony, hearing the voices around the building getting louder you decided to jump from the balcony to the ground floor and just hightail it out of there.

“I know, I know I fucked up” you bellowed. You were in pretty rough shape and you’d had to text Bucky 911 when you were a safe distance from the gym. “I let my guard down thinking I could get enough intel to finally get a promotion within S.H.E.I.L.D or at least get enough recognition to be considered for a position within Avengers” you continued.

The black turtleneck shirt you were wearing was starting to stick to your side. You headed to the bedroom desperate to get the top off. “I don’t need you telling me how badly I fucked up” you shouted slamming the bedroom door behind you.

“Fuck” you hissed, you were in pain and felt utterly humiliated. You pushed your palms into your eyes to stop yourself crying. With a deep breath you whipped of your shirt, deciding to treat it like a band aid and that ripping it of would be better than an agonizing slow peel.

You were bleeding, thankfully not an amount that would require medical attention but enough that you were going to have to put some gauze over it. You really didn’t want to ask Bucky for help so decided to be a martyr instead and clean yourself up in the mirror using the first aid supplies you had packed into your duffle bag.

Thirty minutes later you were admiring your handy work and the feeling pretty pleased with your hard work when Bucky knocked on the door, he didn’t wake for you to respond before opening the door. “Look Y/N I know…” Bucky’s voice trailed off as you stood there in your underwear, in your anger and rush you hadn’t locked the door.

Everything in that moment seemed to go in slow motion as you went to grab a jumper off the bed at the exact moment Bucky’s eyes trailed your body taking in all the scrapes, cuts and injuries on your body. He knew you’d been injured but not to this extent.

“Y/N…” Bucky’s clear blue eyes had thundered over again this time a mixture of anger, concern and (all though you didn’t know it) lust swirled in them. You went to pull your jumper over your head but before you could even pull it on over your arm’s Bucky had closed the distance between you, pinning you to the wall with one arm above your head and the other to your side. You felt your breath catch in your throat, even though he was clearly pissed you liked the feel of him pressed against you.

“It’s not as bad as it looks, I cleaned myself up and patched it up fine, we don’t need to tell Nat about it”, you said turning your head away from him, you were protecting your reputation as much as his. Bucky’s eyes softened, loosening the grip on your arms just a touch, you felt a delectable burning sensation where his pressure had eased.

You could feel yourself growing farm under Bucky’s gaze. You’d fantasized about a moment like this since you’d met him that day helping Sam out, sure you’d imagined it would have been under better circumstances and he would have also had less clothing on. Suddenly all you could think about was how much you wanted Bucky. Bucky seemed to sense the change in your demeanor as he gulped. His eyes met yours.

“We shouldn’t… we really shouldn’t” he said his voice coming out at barely a whisper. “Oh, but we should” you said a sly grin on your face. Before Bucky even had time to respond you were kissing him. Bucky’s lips parted slightly welcoming your kiss, deepening it as your tongues crashed against each other.

Bucky released the grip on your arms as his hands danced their way down your body, the contrast between the cool metal arm dragging down your right side to the way his right arm left a blazing trail down your left side. Bucky crushed himself against you as your fingers tangled in his brown hair. You couldn’t help but moan as you felt Bucky’s hard cock pressed against you restricted by his jeans and underwear.

How you longed to reach out and grab his cock and release it from his jeans. Bucky was taking this torturously slow fingering the waistband of your underwear, leaving a trail of blazing hot kisses along your neck.

His cool Vibrainium arm cupped your ass. Something in you snapped and you decided you couldn’t wait any longer, so your hand moved to Bucky’s waistband. Before you could even undo the button on his jeans Bucky had your arms pinned above your head with his Vibrainium arm. He chuckled.

“My my, my, impatient little thing aren’t we” he said between kisses. “You should know by now Y/N I’m the one in charge here, that goes for the bedroom as well as the mission” he said, before you could even process what he’d just said Bucky pushed his hand down the front of your underwear Bucky shoved two fingers in making you gasp at the shock, the pain and how good it felt to have Bucky warm fingers inside you. You whined as Bucky’s fingers did nothing. He let out a slight moan.

“Holy fuck you’re dripping already, just from a few light kisses, just how long have you been imagining a moment like this” he asked. When you didn’t answer Bucky flicked his thumb over your clit sending shivers down your spine, you let out a moan.

“Don’t make me ask again Y/N” said Bucky. “So, so long, since I met you” You said between gulps as Bucky started gently pulsing his fingers in and out of you. Your admission seems to stir a hunger in Bucky, has his thumb finds its way back to your bud, Bucky gently swipes his rough thumb over it, making you whimper, suddenly he’s pushing his two fingers into hard and fast whilst his thumb swipes ferocious circles on your now throbbing bud, your hands clawing at Bucky back.

You feel your cunt tighten round his fingers. Your so close and Bucky can tell. Which only encourages him as he pushes a third finger inside you slowing his pace right down back to slow agonizing strokes. You’re putty in his hands and he knows it.

“You’re only allowed to cum when I say so Y/N” he says as his pace quickens once again, hitting that sweet spot. You had never been so fucking turned on before, but the way Bucky’s fingers played you like a fiddle and had you dripping was something else. It was taking everything in you to hold back your orgasm.

Suddenly just as you felt like you couldn’t hold back any longer and your legs were about to give out Bucky withdrew his fingers, you instantly felt empty. However, you didn’t have to wait long, as Bucky sank down onto his knees, pulling your legs up over his shoulders.

“Now what did I say Y/N?” he asked as he started peppering kisses and gentle bites along the inside of your things. You could barely think straight, and the sudden change had you gasping from the shock and delight.

“I – I’m only allowed to cum when you say so” you stuttered. “Good girl” he replied before picking you up by your thighs. You thought he would have perhaps moved to the bed, but no Bucky pushed your back up against the wall, standing tall with you sat on his shoulders with one hand still holding you up he removed your underwear which was soaked and took one slow lick up your slit, his tongue gentle yet rough at the same time.

“Fuck. Bucky” you hissed. Your eyes fluttered close. “Mm that’s right doll, you just enjoy the ride” he chuckled before he started licking at your bud, Bucky’s pace was frantic like he couldn’t get enough of you, you felt like every single nerve in your body was on fire. You could feel yourself getting close still sensitive from the feel of Bucky’s rough fingers pumping you. You weren’t used to being denied your orgasm, hell most of your escapades had very rarely even managed to get you one orgasm let alone deny you it.

“Please Bucky,” you whispered hands tangled in his hair you weren’t sure how much longer you would hold out. Bucky didn’t respond instead slowing his pace right down again his tongue dragged across your hypersensitive bud you opened your eyes to find Bucky’s blue eyes dark with hunger and lust staring straight at you as a small smirk tugged on his lips, it was almost as if he was staring straight into to your soul.

With Bucky’s tongue still slowly swiping your bud Bucky entered one finger into you, curling up to hit that magic spot, Bucky’s rough finger combined with the licking and sucking was almost too much and just as you felt like you couldn’t take any more….

“Y/N cum for me” said Bucky, that was all it took and suddenly you were screaming his name as you felt your orgasm crash over you, wave after wave as your cunt pulsed round Bucky’s finger.Bucky lowered you from the wall onto the bed, your chest heaving as you caught your breath. Keeping his eyes on you Bucky popped the button on his jeans and unzipped them shimmying them along with his boxers down his body. His cock sprang out and you couldn’t help but lick your lips, it was magnificent, and you wanted nothing more for it to fill you.

However, Bucky had other ideas first. He leant down and pulled you towards the end of the bed when he straightened up you were at eye level with his waste, Bucky noticed the glazed look in your eyes and how transfixed you were with his dick, he chuckled all though the look you were giving was shooting straight to his cock, he was going to enjoy all you had to offer and make you work for it if you wanted his dick to pound your insides.

Bucky nudged your mouth open with his cock, you parted your lips and Bucky slowly pushed his cock into your mouth he was bigger than you realized and it took you a moment to adjust you took a breath and then slowly you dragged your tongue all the way up his shaft, lazily sucking his length you brought your and up to the base of his shaft moving in tandem with your mouth, your pace started to quicken hollowing your cheeks. Bucky moaned.

“Fuck Y/N you look so pretty with my cock in your mouth, so fucking pretty” Bucky said tangling his Vibrainium hand in your hair whilst his right had gripped your shoulder, Bucky bucked his hips fucking your mouth. You drew your head back and licked his throbbing dick with little gentle kitten like licks before taking him back in all his glory into your mouth. Just then your phone rang you were going to ignore it until Bucky’s started ringing from the front room, Bucky seemed to snap out of whatever haze had taken him over and removed his cock from your mouth and quickly pulled up his boxers and jeans before walking out of the bedroom avoiding your gaze the entire time.

You felt your heart plummet and tears started to gather in the corner of your eyes, you furiously swiped at them taking a deep breath before getting up to answer your phone. Tony’s name flashed up on the caller id.

“Tony…” you said

[areyouseriouspadfoot]

park meeting, part 2. (muggle au)

Here’s part 1

The play date went fantastic; Marlene and Hazel were already at the park when Sirius arrived with Harry. The kid played with the dog the whole time and the other two had a really nice chat.

She told him about her work as a therapist and as a Psychology Professor in a prestigious university while Sirius told her about his fantasies of becoming a full time musician, but for now he was rather happy as a music teacher. He also mentioned that he used to be in band and that he played the bass, but when Harry’s parents died, he had to quit so he could take care of him.

Using his godson as an excuse, Sirius bought her ice-cream and walked her and Hazel home with Harry over his shoulders. Admittedly, he didn’t want the date to end, but all good things must come to an end. He was so startled when she kissed him so painfully near his lips that forgot to ask her number. However, he knew where she lived and, most important, he also knew that she went to the park every day.

“Don’t you think you are a little obsessed with her, mate?” Remus asked teasingly after taking a sip of his beer while lifting Harry with his leg playfully as he tried to climb it. Sirius hadn’t stopped talking about this girl for days now; he was getting not only repetitive, but bloody annoying too.

Sirius rolled his eyes; he wasn’t obsessed, he was just worried. Ever since the play date, Marlene hadn’t showed up to the park like she said she would:

“Yeah, I come here almost every day, I love this park and so does Hazel… don’t be surprised if you find us here, we kind of VIP members by now”

“I’m not obsessed, idiot, I think something happened… I went there almost every day and haven’t seen her, it’s been two weeks now” Sirius explained.

“Why don’t you call her?” Remus asked arching an eyebrow, it was kind of funny and definitely strange seeing Sirius worrying this much about a girl. He lifted his leg again, Harry giggling happily on top of it, and then put him down.

“I told you, I didn’t get her number” Sirius groaned exasperated and then ran his fingers through his hair with frustration. “I even went to her place once but didn’t know which apartment was hers” he sighed.

“And yet, you’re not obsessing over her” Remus pointed out sarcastically, picking Harry up and placing him over his lap. “I think uncle Padfoot is in love, mate” he smirked.

“What? Don’t be ridiculous, Moony, I’m just worried” Sirius replied, shaking his head fervently. He leaned back on the couch and sighed, maybe he was overreacting and she was just busy. However, he couldn’t stop thinking about her… what the hell was wrong with him?

Harry crawled across the sofa, grabbed Prongs and started playing with him. Both Sirius and Remus stared at him with a sad smile, he looked just like James. Except his eyes, he had Lily’s green eyes. In a matter of seconds, the toddler was fast asleep hugging his favorite stuffed animal.

“I need you to do me a favor” Sirius said after a while.

“Why do I have the feeling that is something mental?” Remus sighed, rubbing his face with both hands.

“Come on, mate!” he smirked. “Mental is what I did for you last year… remember that lovely bird you shagged on Peter’s birthday?” he pointed knowingly.

“You shagged her friend, how could that be mental?” He rolled his eyes while shaking his head in disbelief.

“She was a 6, Moony… you know my standards” Sirius replied simply. “Besides, I’m only asking you to go to the park tomorrow with Harry and see if she’s there… I’ve humiliated myself enough”

“Okay, first of all your standards are questionable to say the least. And second, I doubt a psychology professor would approve that way of referring to women… or people in general” he said knowingly. “Besides, I don’t even know how she looks like, how am I supposed to find her, anyways?”

Sirius rolled his eyes, he just wanted to see her again, what’s wrong with that? “Harry knows her, and she’ll be with a bernese mountain dog … oh and she has blonde hair and blue eyes; she’s gorgeous you shouldn’t have any problem on recognizing her” he said simply.

Remus rolled his eyes. “Fine, whatever”, he was only doing it because he was really curious about this mysterious girl.

-------

“I swear mate, he was just here… how the hell does he manage to escape with those tiny legs? I’m looking for him, okay? Yeah, I know, he couldn’t have gone that far… wait you’re coming? Bloody hell, Padfoot, I’m going to find him, there’s no need… there he is, for Christ’s sake!” Remus hung up and ran towards Harry.

“Why is it that we always meet like this, Harry?” Marlene smiled tiredly as she lifted him up and kissed his cheek. “Let’s go and find Sirius, okay?” she asked with her heart beating with excitement.

The toddler giggled happily, “Hazel?”

The dog barked and Marlene placed Harry on the ground, allowing the kid to pet her. She looked around trying to find Sirius, but he was nowhere to be seen. However, after a few moments, another man approached to them.

“Harry, mate, you can’t run away like that” Remus sighed heavily.

“Moony!” Harry giggled and then pointed at the dog, grinning happily. “Hazel!” he beamed joyfully.

“Well… if it helps, you’re not the first one” Marlene commented, smiling politely yet a bit disappointed to see that he wasn’t Sirius. “I’m Marlene, you must be Remus, am I right?” she asked, holding out her hand.

He blinked surprised and then realized she was the girl. Sirius was right, she was quite beautiful, and definitely his type. Remus nodded and smiled, “I can see Sirius told you about me”.

“Yeah, he did… but only good things, don’t worry” she teased and looked at Harry who was playing happily with Hazel. “Anyway, it’s nice to meet you, Remus” Marlene smiled tiredly.

The past two weeks had been a living hell: first, she had the flu and had to be in bed for, at least, five days but stayed only three because she started treating a new patient that required the 150% of her attention because he had a severe depression. If that wasn’t more than enough, she had tons of papers to correct.

“Is nice to meet you too… Sir- Harry hasn’t stopped talking about you” he commented, wondering if Sirius was on his way or not.

“Oh, he is a really sweet boy” she smiled. Remus seemed like a very nice guy, but she was exhausted and needed to get some sleep.

“There you are, mate!” Sirius arrived, panting heavily with both hands placed on his thighs as he tried to catch his breath. “We should try putting on a collar next time, little devil runs away every fucking time” he muttered in between taking deep breaths. He stood up straight and blinked with surprise, noticing the blonde therapist right there. “Well, hello stranger” he smirked.

Marlene’s lips curved into a wide smile and her heart started racing. “Hey, you” she mumbled and placed both hands on her back pockets.

“It’s been a long time” Sirius said with a mixture of reproach but also relieved to see that she was okay.

Remus’ eyebrows arched and had a hard time trying not to laugh; he was this close to making a scene. He smirked slightly, thinking on how he was going to tease him relentlessly for the next couple of days.

“I know… it’s been a tough couple of weeks. I had the flu, and then the papers to correct and my patients and… oh shit, I forgot” she gasped and took out her phone: her patient hadn’t called her yet. A sigh of relief escaped her lips. “Look, I have to go… why don’t I give you my number and we can hang out sometime?” she suggested, looking at Sirius.

“Sure” Sirius grinned and dialed his number on her mobile and called himself; when his phone started vibrating he hung up.

“I’m so sorry, I really have to go” she sighed before whistling softly. “Hazel, come on… it was really nice meeting you, Remus” she said and then looked at Sirius. “Call me” she muttered with a slight smirk and then, after checking that Remus’ eyes were focused on the kid and not on them, she pecked his lips briefly but intensely. Marlene bit her lower lip teasingly and then look at the toddler. “Bye Harry, I’ll see you soon” after saying that, she started running away with Hazel trailing behind her.

“Oh…It’s been so long” Remus teased him before bursting into laughter and, of course, earning a light shove. “Oi, no need for that” he complained and looked at his friend who was writing something on his phone. Curiously, he saw the screen and read:

DINNER TOMORROW 8:30, BLONDIE. 

[jostenneil]

hi! Thank you so much for taking the time to recommend all those small town books and adding your thoughts and descriptions of them! It helps so much. I’m adding them to my list, I’m so excited! Also, if it’s no trouble, can you also recommend me dramas or tv shows with this narrative? I’ve been wanting a new show to watch :D

SOOO as i am sure you've seen over the course of the past few days,

hometown cha cha cha - a new gem that is absolutely fantastic to me. it's about a dentist who loses her job and takes a trip to a seaside city for some perspective, only to end up moving there and set up a dental clinic in semblance of a fresh start. the problem is that she's a city girl, and this isn't the city. there's a lot of preconceived notions that she has about the people in town, as do they about her, and so far the show has been a slow and steady practice in the kindness and patience we learn to emulate when meeting new people and understanding that they are as troubled and hopeful in their own lives as we are. also, the romance thus far is positively swoonworthy. i went into an emotional crisis last night over it

into the ring - another kdrama fave that i was positively obsessed with last year. it centers on the politics of a small town, and how a girl who is notorious for making (rightful) complaints to city hall ends up running as a district representative. initially this is only something she does bc she's in desperate need of money, but the mc has so much inherent love for her town that she ends up being a pretty proactive representative anyway. her relationship with one of the people who fields complaint calls at city hall is also a focus, and it's one of the most tenderly developed romances i've seen in a long time. there's just a lot of care and attention to detail in the show that makes your wholehearted investment worth it. every character brings something unique to the table

anne with an e - obviously if i was going to rec the book series then i was going to rec the show as well lol! if we are going to be completely technical then admittedly i do think the sullivan movies have the best portrayals of anne and gilbert as well as the best depiction of their romance (esp in the sense of accuracy, the third movie aside), but the more recent show i think does a better job of staying true to the books' nature of investing in a full cast. it really captures that homey, small town feel that i so love, and i think it expands on the cast in ways that other adaptations haven't really cared to

gilmore girls - admittedly i don't know that i need to include this bc i think everyone knows this is the go-to small town show. but nonetheless. there is a lot about the show that has aged poorly over the years (namely how enjoyable rory is as a character, which is. . . very little unfortunately as seasons go by) but i still think it possesses a lot of small town charm, esp in its comedy. the way everyone's lives just seamlessly interweave in stars hollow is both incredibly real but also ridiculously funny bc sometimes overlaps in episode plot points are so obscure as to be bizarre. i genuinely think it's a really enjoyable show up through the fourth season (the affair plot point aside)

sweet magnolias - this is a new show that started airing last year but oh my god! the level of invested i was as i watched it was so crazy. the plot touches on a lot of different characters but it centers itself in the friendship between three women who are each dealing with their own struggles and decide to open a spa together as a sort of healing project. the character arcs aren't particularly unique but everyone is nonetheless so endearing and i really appreciate how almost every character is human. like i think a lot of shows with teens can tend to make them out as unforgivable esp bc it's so common for adults to portray them these days, but the teens in this show are actually teens, and i like that they're given opportunities to grow and change in spite of mistakes they may make. i rly value those kind of narratives and overall the atmosphere of the show was just very healing. also heather headley is so damn pretty i was completely enamored with her the whole season

everwood - little to no one has heard of this show likely bc it started airing at around the same time as the oc and one tree hill and i mean. obv it was going to be overlooked in comparison. but personally i love it a lot! the initial plot's about this kid ephram who's just lost his mom and moves to colorado with his dad and sister. his dad worked a lot before his mom's death and as such ephram doesn't really have much of a relationship with him, so rebuilding that is a huge focus. there's also amy, aka the girl ephram likes, who's dealing with some trauma of her own bc her brother landed her boyfriend in a coma. there's a lot of baggage in this show re: death and i think there's a sadness that really permeates the atmosphere, but not in a way that's disconcerting per se. it's just real. it gets down to the ugliness and loneliness of trauma, esp wrt the teen characters, and i really appreciate that. the only major flaw is there's a plot point where ephram dates his college babysitter who is in college and gets her pregnant although his dad scares her off so he never finds out. but we ignore that

friday night lights - as someone who was in marching band and could still not for the life of me tell you what is what in football, this show is so damn good. it's about a rural texas town exclusively driven by its football team, except this year, the first game starts off with the star player being paralyzed from the waste down, putting a number of different people on the spot: the star player's girlfriend, his best friend, the new head coach, the runner-up qb who has never actually played a real game. i think anyone who watches the show ends up watching it for a specific character or dynamic but at the core it's just about the like. inherent goodness of people. like some of these people make mistakes due to pressure or grief but most of them are irrevocably human and that's what drives the show forward, as do the unlikely but endearing relationships formed between various people in the town. my personal favorite dynamic is between tim and lyla, who are in a bit of a unique place as the best friend and boyfriend of the injured star player

i hope you enjoy! let me know if you try any of them hehe

[shefanispeculator]

I'm slightly disappointed to log onto Zoom and find Gwen Stefani in Los Angeles. I wanted to see the ranch. Stefani spent most of the pandemic in Oklahoma with her fiancé and fellow The Voice coach Blake Shelton, with whom she has recently collaborated on a string of country radio hits, alongside a kitsch Christmas song. For a ska-pop superstar, it's a pivot, but Stefani and Shelton are cute together — picture-perfect in their opposite attraction.

Country Gwen exists, her urban counterpart assures me, but on this particular MacBook she's nowhere to be seen. I'm not sure what crude regional stereotypes I was expecting (Stefani spitting sunflower seeds? Shelton line dancing in the background?) but I get Californian sunshine instead, illuminating a version of Stefani more familiar from my teenage years, when Love. Angel. Music. Baby and its follow-up The Sweet Escape spawned millions of fans, haters and imitators. She's platinum blonde, red lipsticked and wearing a black-and-white outfit that matches the decor. The checkerboard pattern can be traced back to an even earlier era, when Stefani and her No Doubt bandmates were '80s teenagers obsessed with two-tone acts like Madness and The Specials.

Cowboy boots wouldn't fit this picture, and nor would Stefani's glitzy showgirl outfits from The Voice, where she just wrapped another season as a celebrity coach. As she prepares to release her fourth solo record, and enters the fifth decade of an extraordinarily successful music career, Gwen Stefani is re-re-branding as... Gwen Stefani.

Top: Local Boogeyman, Pants: GCDS, Shoes: Valentino, Earrings, bracelets and rings: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Necklaces: Gwen's own, Engagement ring: Gwen's own

"But what is that?" Stefani asks with seriousness, as we consider the possibility of some essential, inherent Gwen. "Everyone's interpretation of what I am and how I sing, I mean, that's what this era is about for me."

Said era kicked off late last year, with the music video for "Let Me Reintroduce Myself." It saw Stefani playfully revisit the wardrobes of album cycles past, from the ab-bearing tomboy tank tops of "Hollaback Girl" to the club kid blue hair mascara of '90s No Doubt. Her Harajuku Girls also make a return. The entire visual is a huge flex, not only for the sheer volume of iconic career moments recreated in dutiful detail, but the fact Stefani can still fit into the clothes originally worn during all of them. She looks eerily the same, frighteningly good, ageing in reverse at the same pace as her frequent collaborator Pharrell.

"It's really a blessing to be able to have such a long career, where there really is nothing to prove anymore."

Pop stars are expected to be young forever, in looks but also in their capacity to innovate new trends. Which makes the nostalgic music video a curious choice. Doesn't Stefani know by now that the cardinal rule of pop is to avoid repeating yourself? That even the hottest artists in the world are basically required by law to create completely new eras from scratch every six months in order to appease fans and maintain maximum TikTok-ready relevance?

Of course she does, but that doesn't mean she has to participate. Stefani isn't trying to chase down her contemporaries, despite clearly possessing the physical fitness required. "It's really a blessing to be able to have such a long career, where there really is nothing to prove anymore," she says. "It's a different energy. You know, it's really just about doing it to do it, as opposed to trying to make a statement or make a mark."

Corset: Ronald van der Kemp, Bracelets: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Earrings: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience), Engagement ring: Gwen's own

Even the Saweetie remix of her latest single "Slow Clap" happened on a whim, after the younger artist happened to post a video of herself vibing to Stefani's 2004 single "Luxurious" on Instagram Stories. They knocked out the song and accompanying video in a day. Neither seems bothered by the Old Navy meme. "It was just this little video that we did on the fly," Stefani says. "It just happened. It just feels good to put new stuff out there."

Stefani completed a two-year Vegas greatest hits residency in 2019, which gave her a sense of perspective on her own legacy. "You make a new record because that's what is exciting for you," she says. "But people really just want to hear the records after a while that were the backdrop to their lives, a 'Don't Speak' or a 'Just a Girl' or a 'Hollaback Girl,' or whatever it was for them. So, you know, it's hard — you can only be new when you're new, and that's just the truth, and I know that."

She says she was pleasantly surprised that "Let Me Reintroduce Myself" charted at all, and that she only found out it did when Shelton walked into the kitchen to show her the iTunes numbers. "I burst out crying with joy, because it was like, 'Whoa, really?' I think I'd set myself up to be quite realistic about where I'm at."

Stefani, endlessly polite and self-deprecating in conversation, which on her end mostly consists of endearingly earnest run-on monologues, says she still has "tons" of insecurities. I get the impression she has been trying harder to give herself credit lately. She recalls recently hearing Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" on the car radio and finding herself in awe of the song's timeless catchiness.

Suit: Balmain, Earrings and choker: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience), Necklaces: Gwen's own

"But then I started thinking," she says, in a goofy Cher Horowitz tone. "Like, I have a few of those myself." She talks of this realization as a genuine breakthrough, which is a little worrying for a woman who has sold 40 million records. No shit, she has a "few of those." More of them than Lauper, actually.

More new music is coming along slowly, but I've caught Stefani on a day when the horizon looks closer than usual, and while things haven't quite fallen into place yet, she's feeling more confident that they eventually will. "I'm at the end," she declares. "The idea of going for a session and not being with my kids or the idea of taking time away from Blake doesn't fuel my fire like it did two months ago. I need to decide, wrap it up, put out the project."

Crucially, there's no rush. The album will simply arrive sometime this year, tracklist and title currently undecided.

"You're talking to me at a weird transitional time," Stefani says repeatedly throughout our conversation, which sometimes takes on the cathartic tone of therapy. But having time in the first place is a new feeling.

Bracelet and choker: Dana Kemp (The Residency Experience), Obsession necklace: Lidow Archive, Gold necklaces: Gwen's own, Clothing: Blumarine, Boots: Philipp Plein

NO DOUBT WERE A BAND for nine years before getting on the radio. Enough time for Stefani and bassist Tony Kanal to be in a long term relationship then break up and write a whole hit album about it. All of the Fleetwood Mac drama was resolved pre-fame, which enabled the group to capitalize on the surprise success of Tragic Kingdom singles like "Don't Speak" and "Just a Girl" with a world tour that lasted almost three years. Three more albums followed, and Stefani has reinforced her household name status in every decade since, launching a solo career and multiple fashion lines while never totally cutting the cord from her original musical project.

In other words, record executives have been dictating Stefani's schedule since the mid-'90s. She even sings about it on Love. Angel. Music. Baby opener "What You Waiting For," in which her biological clock ticks like a metronome. Interscope Co-Founder Jimmy Iovine, who discovered No Doubt and continued to work with Stefani on her solo output, was quick to point out that his client's prime childbearing years were also her last opportunity to cross over into pop stardom. And after her first record went number one, it only made sense to lay down some new tracks straight away.

"Whether or not I get the response that I would hope to get — because that's what I'm used to, because I'm so damn spoiled and I've tasted the blood of success — I still got to do the creative journey."

"I had the baby, the first one, and it was only like eight weeks after I had him, that Jimmy was calling me saying, you've got to go in the studio with Akon," Stefani recalls cheerfully. "Like, Akon wants to work with you. Like, no, I'm nursing my baby. But then I couldn't say no." And then? "We wrote 'Sweet Escape.'" And then? "I went on a world tour." And then? "In the month that I got home from that one hundred and whatever shows it was, I got pregnant with Zuma. So then that was that." (It wasn't. Admittedly: "Then it was like, No Doubt, let's do another record.")

Things are different now: "You can just drop singles and you don't have to put a record out. But if you want to put a record out, you can work on it slowly." But even as she talks of slowing down, speculating that she might not even go on tour after the pandemic ends, in the next sentence Stefani's back to admitting that there's more work to be done, that she wants to write a couple more songs for her new record, "just to make sure."

Earrings: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience) Choker: Chanel, Necklaces: Gwen's own, Gloves: Laurel DeWitt, Top: Local Boogeyman

"The creation is the thing that fuels me so much," she says. "Whether or not I get the response that I would hope to get — because that's what I'm used to, because I'm so damn spoiled and I've tasted the blood of success — I still got to do the creative journey."

Like any good lyricist, she reaches out to her listener, hoping to convey a more universal point. "It's just probably the same for you as a writer," she guesses. "You know, it's the anticipation. You're in it now. You're getting the information. This is what you live for. You're doing the interview and then you're going to write it. And that's going to be the challenge."

GWEN STEFANI WAS PUTTING out diary entry pop when Olivia Rodrigo was still in diapers and Taylor Swift was but a humble Pennsylvania Christmas tree heiress. She struggles to pen lyrics that aren't confessional ("I'm not a creative writer when it comes to like, 'Oh, let's just write a sad song about something that didn't happen to me'"), and occasionally re-traumatizes herself when performing old hits. Return of Saturn deep cut "Dark Blue" triggers "crazy, just horrible" recollections of a past relationship. Even "Don't Speak" felt emotional onstage in Vegas.

But after releasing an excruciating divorce album, This Is What the Truth Feels Like, in 2016, Stefani is back to writing happy songs only. She's getting married, after all. She won't be releasing any of her trademark breakup anthems anytime soon. "Girl," she laughs, "I think I've had my fair share."

Bow: Laurel DeWitt, Earrings: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience), Bracelets: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Shirt: Vintage Archive, Dress: Erdem, Tights: Capezio, Shoes: Marc Jacobs (Lidow Archive)

Stefani and Shelton's relationship has puzzled some fans. Shelton, a country radio phenomenon, never endorsed Trump in the 2016 election, but he did come close. Earlier this year, he was criticized for releasing a song called "Minimum Wage," about finding small joys during periods of economic struggle, at the peak of a recession.

Is Gwen Stefani a Republican now? She's not offended by the question, or really anything I have to ask. She has been famous for so long that she expects and even embraces scrutiny. "If you're going to be a star, that's what you get," she says. "You know what I mean? You get what you get, and you don't get upset, at all."

As for her politics, it's read-between-the-lines."I can see how people would be curious, but I think it's pretty obvious who I am," she says. "I've been around forever. I started my band because we were really influenced by ska, which was a movement that happened in the late '70s, and it was really all about people coming together. The first song I ever wrote was a song called 'Different People,' which was on the Obama playlist, you know, a song about everyone being different and being the same and loving each other. The very first song I wrote."

One of very few multi-racial bands playing stadium shows for hoardes of American teenangers in the 1990s, No Doubt did very literally embody those second-wave ska principles of inclusion. Stefani even wore bindis and saris on stage as a symbol of cultural exchange with Kanal, who is Indian-American, briefly kickstarting a white girl facial jewelry trend that it's safe to say would not fly in 2021.

Rings (left): Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience)

"The Specials and The Selecter and all those groups, and what they were doing in the late '70s was this whole kind of anti-racism, we come together, Black and white ska movement," Stefani elaborates on the band's founding principles. "And we were sort of echoing that in the '80s when we did it, we were like the third generation of ska."

Ska she's always happy to discuss, but Stefani was brought up to keep her electoral preferences personal, and that rule has held for her entire career. "The whole point of voting, is you have this personal space to feel how you feel," she explains. "I use my platform to share my life story and to engage with people and to exchange whatever gift I was giving. I'm not a political science major. I am not that person. Everyone knows that. So why would I even talk about it?"

"I don't need to go on Instagram and say 'girl power.' I just need to live and be a good person and leave a trail of greatness behind me."

It never has been. Looking back, it's weird that "Just a Girl" is so integral to Gwen Stefani's brand. She's never written anything else with remotely the same message, and or publicly identified as a feminist. To Stefani, it's just a song about growing up, and "all of a sudden you realize your gender." It wasn't meant as a protest or anthem: in fact, being her breakout hit, she didn't think anyone other than her bandmates and some local fans would ever hear it.

"I don't even know if I knew what feminist at that time was," she says. "I was very sheltered growing up with my family. I wasn't political. I wasn't angry." Even now: "I don't need to go on Instagram and say 'girl power.' I just need to live and be a good person and leave a trail of greatness behind me. Stop talking about it and stop trying to bully everybody about it. Just do it. And that's how I feel like I've lived my life."

WHEN STEFANI WAS GROWING up in 1970s Anaheim, her father got a job doing market research for Yamaha, which required frequent business trips to Japan. He'd bring home Sanrio toys, as well as anecdotes about the Tokyo district of Harajuku, where teenagers were dressing like Elvis, and "taking all these American things and making them Japanese." His daughter was entranced. "He would be telling me these things my whole life, like my whole life. I had a deep fascination."

So when No Doubt played Japan in 1996, Stefani describes, "It was a pretty big deal for me." The tour was the first time she'd traveled outside of the United states, save one trip to Italy when she was 21. "I just was inspired," she recalls. "It's a world away. And at that time it was even further, because you couldn't see it on the internet. I don't think a younger generation can even imagine what it's like to not have access to the world."

From then on, Japan became one of Stefani's biggest career motivations, especially when it came to her solo albums. If she could just write more hits, she'd get to tour there again, see the street style, visit the vintage stores. "If you read the actual lyrics [in 'What You Waiting For?'], it talks about being a fan of Japan and how if I do good, I get to go back there," she says.

In the meantime, she decided she'd bring Japan to Los Angeles. "I never got to have dancers with No Doubt. I never got to change costumes. I never got to do all of those fun girl things that I always love to do. So I had this idea that I would have a posse of girls — because I never got to hang with girls — and they would be Japanese, Harajuku girls, because those are the girls that I love. Those are my homies. That's where I would be if I had my dream come true, I could go live there and I could go hang out in Harajuku."

Earrings, bracelets and rings: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience, Gold Necklaces: Gwen's own, Top: Local Boogeyman, Pants: GCDS, Shoes: Valentino

Dancers Maya Chino ("Love"), Jennifer Kita ("Angel"), Rino Nakasone ("Music") and Mayuko Kitayama ("Baby") would go on to accompany Stefani for her next two album cycles, dancing on stage and in her videos while also making silent, but very well-dressed, awards show appearances. Kita, who'd grown up in LA, visited Japan for the first time on Stefani's tour.

In a 2006 interview with Blender magazine, comedian Margaret Cho compared the Harajuku Girls to a minstrel show. The backlash against them has been consistent ever since. Stefani, to this day, disagrees.

"If we didn't buy and sell and trade our cultures in, we wouldn't have so much beauty, you know?" she says. "We learn from each other, we share from each other, we grow from each other. And all these rules are just dividing us more and more."

Hello Kitty merch was harder to come by when she was a kid, but in other ways, life felt easier. "I think that we grew up in a time where we didn't have so many rules. We didn't have to follow a narrative that was being edited for us through social media, we just had so much more freedom."

Earrings, bracelets and rings: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Necklaces: Gwen's own, Dress: GCDS, Shirt: Faith Connexion, Tights: Capezio, Shoes: Marc Jacobs (Lidow Archive)

Stefani's penchant for rule breaking has always been apparent in her music as much as her aesthetic. Genre-wise, she's a randomista. The chart success of No Doubt's bouncing ska beats felt like an accidental post-grunge-era glitch in the matrix, and it's insane to this day that one of Stefani's biggest solo hits samples "If I Were a Rich Man" from Fiddler on the Roof, by way of '90s British dancehall duo Louchie Lou & Michie One. That another, "Wind It Up," features earnest Sound of Music yodeling.

"I just make up whatever comes out," Stefani says of her songwriting process. "I don't even know where it comes from. I feel like it just comes from the source. It's not trained, and it's not perfect, it's just real."

She looks back on the Love.Angel.Music.Baby era as unusually experimental and artistically fulfilling. "It was just a really incredible time, and a very creative time. I feel like it was just a really creative project."

STEFANI VIEWS HER CAREER success as mostly a matter of luck. Pop stardom is God-given and mysterious."Because the fact I made it, it doesn't make any sense," she reflects. "It's written in the stars. You know what I'm saying? I'm not the most talented. I'm not the most pretty. I'm not the most smart. None of those things. But I made it, right?"

Clothing: Blumarine, Bracelet and choker: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Obsession necklace: Lidow Archive, Gold necklaces: Gwen's Own

Every week on The Voice she watches objectively gifted musicians fail at becoming artists. "I watched people that went through that without seeing their faces, without knowing what color they are. And I chose the ones that pulled my heartstrings. And even though they were so talented, none of them have had careers. It's made me look at myself and even feel even more amazed by the fact that anyone cared or cares."

If all of this is actually so out of her control, then Stefani feels safe stepping back a little bit. "I don't have that fuel in me like I used to, because I already won," she says. And now she has other victories in mind. "Being a good human, a good mother. I want to have a good marriage. I want to be a good wife. I want to win at finding peace. I want to win at finding other hobbies that I'm good at."

But at the same time? "If I'm inspired, I'm going to try to do something with that inspiration." That's the most fun part: whatever else comes after has always been an amazing bonus.

The "Let Me Reintroduce Myself" era, whatever form it may eventually take, isn't a desperate grab at former glory. It's Stefani refusing to evolve for the sake of it. She's poking fun at the whole idea of having to compete with past personas alongside current ones, while acknowledging the fact she's grateful to still be in the game at all.

"You don't know what you're doing," she says, somehow both confident and resigned. "You're a cartoon of yourself at this point, and you don't know what people are thinking. They're wondering, what? Why are you still here? And I'm like, I don't know. They said I could be here. So I'm here!"

Photography: Jamie Nelson Styling: Nicola Formichetti Hair: Sami Knight Makeup: Michael Anthony Nails: Carolyn Orellana Wardrobe director: Marta Del Rio Production: Katrina Kudlick Digitatech: Sean MacGillivray Logo design: Luca Devinu Story: Kat Gillespie

FROM YOUR SITE ARTICLES

[cecilspeaks]

175 - The October Monologues

[static] [slightly distorted] The trees are dying again. You know it, I know it. The trees know it. They have known it for decades, centuries in some cases. The shiver of cyclic, symbolic death. A rattle in the cold night air. A rustle in the footsteps of a hungry deer. It is October and something is different. It is October and the trees draw the crackling red and orange curtain in the year’s final act. It is October, and so listeners, dear listeners, Night Vale community radio is proud to introduce The October Monologues.  

Faceless Old Woman: I am lonely. Oh, I see people. I see lots of people every day. I see you right now. I see you, Caleb, sitting in your rolling desk chair, hunched over your computer. I am a faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home, watching you download yet another video game, Caleb.

But seeing people and being with people are different things. Different ideas altogether. I miss touch most of all. A father’s hand, a friend’s arms. A lover’s chest. I still touch, am touched, but it is not the same. It is not a mutual touch. My touch is unwelcome, unfriendly, unwanted. Yet I touch because I love.

And I love you, Caleb. I do. I know you don’t believe me after what I did to you tonight, but I do. My love is not romantic nor maternal. It’s not platonic, either. I love you the way a deer loves a cornfield. It is safe, it is nourishing. It is in its DNA to want to be there, to hide, to eat, to play. You’re very much like a cornstalk, Caleb. You are loved and you are benign. Better than benign, you are a contribution to this world. The cornstalk is unaware that a deer loves it so much that it will bend it and stomp it until its edible morsels spill out from its crumpled empty husk. The cornstalks, there are so many cornstalks, do not understand that they are so loved by the deer as to be devoured.

You’ve seen a kitten before, Caleb, I know you have. Sometimes kittens are so cute. So so so so cute that you wanna put them in your mouth. Do you understand that kind of love, Caleb, that kind of touch? You do not, no one does. And this is why I’m lonely. But I think you know that. You’re different. You’re lonely too. That’s not what makes you different, we’re all lonely in our own way.

You’re different, Caleb, because you know I am here. You see me even when I do not want to be seen. No one has been able to do that in at least 200 years. Sometimes you speak to me. Not in terror, not in rage; I’ve heard many of these voices in my life from those who feared and detested my presence. No, you ask me my name. I won’t tell you, not yet. You tell me about your day, I’m sorry your new boss is so mean, I will rectify this. And last night, you prepared a dinner for me. You’re not a good cook, I can smell that much, but it was your gesture of generosity that touched me. You made cashio e pepe, a recipe you learned from TikTok, and you prepared a bowl just for me. You waited to see if I would appear, and when I did not, you told me you understood wanting to eat alone, so you left it for me on the dining room table, as you went to play the new flight simulator.

Few men have ever been this kind to me before being frightened into it first, or without using their kindness as a disguise. I think you genuinely understand your own quiet desperation among the mass of men. And in turn, you understand others too. I don’t trust the kindness of men, Caleb. I don’t trust the kindness of women, either. Or anyone else’s kindness, to be truthful, but I especially don’t trust men’s kindness. There are exceptions. Andre, whose kindness was loyalty and honesty, and Albert, although his was a much different kind of kindness.

But Caleb, 23-year-old, unshaven, video game loving, boss hating aimless Caleb, your kindness frightens me. I’m scared of what you want, what it is you plan to take from me. Kind men have stolen my childhood, my morals, my money, my love, my life, and my family. What will you take from me, Caleb, that I have not already lost? I’m afraid. I’m afraid to respond to your gentle bait of friendship, because I am afraid you will take my loneliness from me. I am lonely, and that is a choice I have made for myself.

One day, Caleb, you will die. I know exactly when. It will not be of my hand, although I will do nothing to stop it. It is my fate, my path, to know such things. And in your death, you will return my loneliness to me, and it will be a horror to behold, bloody and misshapen. My loneliness, not recognizing its former owner, will howl an unholy and unceasing cry, and I will not be able to bear it.

This is what I fear, Caleb, and this is why I took the bowl of cashio e pepe you left for me and hurled it against the wall, just missing your cheek. I’m not sad that you screamed at me, I’m happy that you did so. This is how it has to be. We are not enemies, Caleb, no no. I love you deeply. Deeper than you can know. I am your deer Caleb, and you are my corn.

Cecil: The fiery flash of fall leaves stuns us, captivates us. Fireworks in slow motion. Or the crackling embers of a finishing flame. Upon the leaves are written instructions for how to make oxygen, how to give life, with every exhalation. How  to find flair in fading grace, and how to raise new life by falling to your death. The leaves know they will return again, so much will return again. We return now to the October Monologues.

Michelle Nguyen: There’s this new song I like, but I don’t wanna tell you what it is. I find it kind of embarrassing. Usually I love to talk about my favorite music. There was that summer I was obsessed with the new single by Saint Vincent. The single came in the form of a glazed vase containing three blue flowers. Only one was ever made, and I got the only copy. I found it very catchy, but the flowers eventually died. Or the year I spent listening over and over to that new Janelle Monae album. I forget the name, but the cover was a black and white picture of a well, and if you didn’t share it with someone else in 7 days, you would die. Of course no one ever died, because the album was so good, people just couldn’t stop telling their friends to listen.

My favorite song of all time is a blank cassette tape still in its plastic wrapper. It was owned by a man named Gary Joy. He was a real estate lawyer, reasonably successful, but he always dreamed of being a singer/songwriter. He dreamed all the time of quitting his job and writing songs, but he had never even written one song. Then one day, in a fit of optimism and energy, he bought this cassette, intending to make his first memo. But the day got away from him, and then the week, and then the rest of his life, and he never quit being a lawyer, and he never even wrote one song. This blank cassette tape, still in its wrapper, contains the potential of all the songs he could have written but never did, which is better and more powerful than any song anyone’s actually managed to write. The potential of the thing is always more perfect than the reality of the thing. However, and this is the crucial drawback, the potential is absolutely useless and the reality, however imperfect, can be quite useful. Anyway, I like to hold Gary Joy’s unwritten demo and imagine what it would be like. Hold on, sorry. There’s a customer.

[bell dings] Welcome to Dark Owl Records. What? No, no. No. No! No. OK, bye! [bell dings] Sorry about that. Some people are so unreasonable. I don’t even know what a Taylor Swift is.

But there’s a new song I like, and it’s not cool like my other favorite songs. It’s not a song that fits the kind of image I like to project. When I put on my mirrored leggings, my extra long jorts, and my really big hat, people expect something from me. They expect me to be on the cutting edge. They expect me only to be into bands that aren’t popular yet, or will never be popular, or that frankly don’t know how to play their instruments very well. And the song I like now is not any of those things. It’s… ordinary. It’s… popular. I don’t wanna say what it is. Remember when I only listened to the sound of beez buzzing? That was a good summer. Of course I got stung once or twice or 30 times. [sighs] Hold on, sorry, there’s a customer.

[bell dings] Welcome to Dark Owl Records! Hey. Hey! Hey! Hey! HEEEEY! Thanks, nice to see you again. [bell dings] Sorry about that.

I’m tired of being cool. I was going to say trying to be cool, but trying implies the possibility of failure, and there has never been a moment when I’ve failed to be cool. But here’s the hard truth I’ve come up against: being cool is a young person’s game. And that’s not because young people are better or more interesting than older people. God no. God no. God no! It’s that coolness itself is a concept tied to youth. Coolness is a reactionary manifestation of insecurity. The more insecure you are, the cooler you need to be. It’s colorful plumage. But as I’ve gotten older, I no londer need flashy plumage. I just wanna sit in the comfort of who I am, and not worry about what that looks like from the outside.

Anyway, I can’t stop listening to “Karma Police” by Radiohead. It’s just… a good song, you know? Hold on, sorry, there’s a customer.

[bell dings] You! You’ll never catch me alive! [sound of running] [bell dings]

Cecil: An abundance of words, words falling, fluttering to the earth. Words crunching beneath our feet. They were beautiful once, the words. Now they are beginning to rot, to wilt, to compost, to ferment new growth. To fertilize new words growing upon great trunks of paragraphs and chapters, but not now. Those will come later. Now the words sputter and drop in spiraling arcs to the ground. Here, then, are the final few brightly painted words falling upon you now. The October Monologues.

Steve Carlsberg: What does it mean to be believed? I’ve always known that Night Vale isn’t like other places. As long as I can remember, I could see that. I could also see that no one else could see it. I was alone in my knowledge. Knowledge may be power, but power is often lonely. My grandfather knew. He could see that I was like him. “Steve,” he would say, “us Carlsbergs have always been the town pariahs, but just because they hate you, doesn’t mean they’re right.” I would sit at night as a kid and listen to Cecil on the radio. He was the same age as he is now, and at the time he seemed so wise. But I would hear him dismiss what I knew shouldn’t be dismissed. I would hear him cover up what should be uncovered, and I would know with a child’s certainty that it was wrong. I loved him still. Everyone in town loves Cecil. It is possible to love someone who you know is doing wrong. It’s terribly easy, in fact.

What does it mean to be believed? As a teenager, I started trying to express what I saw about the world. I gave a presentation in my social studies class called “Night Vale – there’s literally nowhere like it”, and I thought it was informative. The class all plugged their ears in unison. The teacher stopped me a minute in, glancing nervously at the 8 surveillance cameras monitoring the classroom. “Are you trying to get us all killed?” the teacher hissed at me. I remember that her breath smelled like Strawberry Jolly Ranchers, and there was a lose crumb of mascara in the sweat of her temples. “No,” I said. I didn’t know what to say. It’s not the kind of question that demands a sincere answer. The report earned me a trip to the principal’s office, and then the re-education pit, which honestly is not as bad as its name. I mean, almost not as bad. It’s pretty bad. It’s a pit, for re-education. So, certainly learned something from that re-education. I learned that you’re equally likely to be punished for being right as you are for being wrong.

What does it mean to be believed? I was a young man entering the workforce, and I had long ago learned to hide away what I knew about my city. I had learned the handshake and the smile, the nod and the necktie, all the signifiers that hid what I truly signified. All of life is a code, and I had been thought the key against my will.

I got a job as a bank teller at the Last Bank of Night Vale. I studied with great interest the townsfolk who came and went there. I learned about their lives and their secrets, and what kind of money they made for the whispered deals out back of quiet parking lots just before the sun went down, pulled up next to a black Sedan that contained their handler who they only knew by a false first name. but I couldn’t forget what I knew, even if I learned to playact that I had. What I know shapes who I am. I can’t close my eyes, not to this town I love. This weird and secret town I love.

What does it mean to be believed? Then I married into the family of Cecil Palmer, host of Night Vale community radio! And he hated me, because he could see that I knew. And after all these years, my mask had slipped a little. I’d lost my interest in hiding. I wanted to speak the truth as I knew it, nothing could be more threatening to Cecil. His life and livelihood depended on speaking the truth as the City Council wanted it. Or as the Vague yet Menacing government agencies crafted it. And here I was, pointing out to him the sky. There are glowing arrows in the sky, there are dotted lines and arrows and circles. The sky is a chart that explains the entire world! I tried to tell him, and this only made him hate me more. I tried to share who I was with him, and this only made him recoil. 

Abby listened to my stories, but she never shared my enthusiasm for the truth. “Let it lie,” she would say, “let it lie.” But that’s he point, I can’t let it lie and I can’t lie! We’ve done that for too long! We’ve let our town sit heavy under the weight of euphemism and half truth, and unless someone just said what they saw for once, we would be crushed eventually by that weight!

And then it all changed. I wasn’t alone. The others saw that we lived in a weird place. And you know what? We kept existing. Our world didn’t end merely because we dared acknowledge it. Cecil and I are friends now. I haven’t forgotten how he treated me, but I understand it and I forgive it. Forgiveness and understanding are not the same as forgotten.

What does it mean to be believed? It means everything. It means all.

Cecil: And as the leaves are done, so are the October Monologues. All that can be said has been said. And all that can be said will be said again.

Today’s proverb: Listen, it might seem like everything’s bad right now.

[rhys-writes-sometimes]

Music Worth Making Part 6: Finally Free

Requested: yes actually lol

Warnings: Luke’s birthday is in this chapter, so sadness, but I think that’s it (other than bad writing of course)

Series Summery: When the reader’s life is ripped away from them, they’re distraught. But with her two best friends and three certain ghosts, maybe the afterlife isn’t so bad after all. 

Chapter Summery: You and the band play at your first gig.

Word Count: 3,233

A/N: Aaaa I’m so sorry this took so long! I was in a bit of a writing slump, and then school started. Also, I was trying really hard not to cry writing Luke’s birthday scene, so I have no idea how I’m gonna get through Unsaid Emily. Anyway yeah I hope you enjoy!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Masterlist

______________________________________________________

“How can we die if we’re already dead?” Luke asked, locking eyes with you.

After what happened in the gym last night, you decided you needed a little time alone, to process everything. Whatever it was had scared you, badly. 

You poofed into the Molina’s guest room, where Danny was staying. Wincing when you landed on your bad foot, you limped over to the window seat and sat, looking out at the street below. It was such a neighborhood. It was hard to believe that anything bad could happen here.

And yet, it had.

You gasped as the memory of the club came rushing back to you. Not the fun you had, but before that. Seeing the man who had killed you floating above the table. The Club had somehow made you forget that your host was a murderer. 

Sometime around 9 am, you decided to go check on the boys. They had been hit with the jolt too, after all.

“Y/N!” Reggie called out as you appeared in the studio.

“Where’d you go last night?” Luke asked from his chair. 

“I just needed some time to think.”

Luke nodded once, knowing from your tone not to pry.  “Uh, hey, we were gonna go to a cafe, you wanna come?”

“Oh! Yeah, yeah sure. Sounds fun.”

Luke narrowed his eyes slightly in confusion, but grabbed your hand and teleported to the cafe. 

-----

“Oh, great angle, yeah,” Reggie said as the lady snapped a picture of her food. For some reason, you, Alex, and Reggie were all sitting with this lady while Luke was standing at the counter. 

“Is this what we’re here for?” Alex asked, his voice showing that he was regretting all of his life decisions. “To watch people take pictures of food?”

“It’s fun!” Reggie defended himself. “Watch this, people never stop looking at their phones.” He began to move the woman’s food around the table. She looked around in confusion before leaving the cafe. The three of you chuckled. 

“Plus, Luke said something about this place being a hot spot for music industry people.”

“Boys!” Luke said, sitting down in the chair the lady had just left. He glanced at you before continuing: “and, uh, Y/N, being a ghost definitely has it’s privileges. I just wrote our names on the playlist for tonight.”

“I’m getting a little worried about him,” Alex said, speaking to you but loudly enough so that the others could hear him. “He keeps forgetting that Julie quit the band.”

“And that she’s gonna come back!” Luke protested. “Just as soon as she knows we have a great gig.”

You bit your lip. You knew how stubborn Julie was, and she was pretty mad at the boys.

“But if she doesn’t come back, let's not forget we do have somewhere else we can play,” Reggie said, noticing the look on your face. “And eat pizza.”

“Dude, I know, it was awesome to be seen by lifers at Caleb’s party-” you flinched. “-but we got this with Julie. We don’t need him.”

Pain flared through your body again, almost making you fall out of your seat. It was getting worse; it felt like being stabbed again.

“It’s that same thing again,” Alex said, rubbing his side.

“Just like yesterday!” Luke added. 

“It feels like that time I was fixing my amp in the rain,” Reggie said. You stared at him.

“You shouldn’t… okay,” Alex started, giving up. 

“Look, do you think something’s wrong with us?” you asked, to no one in particular. 

“Yeah, yeah, we ate 10 pounds of pizza yesterday without a stomach. I’m sure it’s just our bodies working through it,” Luke said, although there was a hint of worry in his voice. 

“So we’re just gonna forget about getting back at Trevor?” Reggie said, desperate to change the subject. “That jerk stole our music!”

“And he has to live with that guilt. It’s like what Julie said, we have a new band, a new sound, okay? That’s what we should be focusing on.” Luke leaned back in his chair, looking at the three of you. 

Alex suddenly sat up straighter. “Isn’t that Willie?” he said, walking out the door. 

Reggie smirked. “Well, someone’s not focusing on our music.” You gave a small laugh. 

“Hey, Y/N, are you okay?” Luke said, leaning over the table towards you. 

“Oh, oh yeah, I’ve just got a lot on my mind right now,” you said, giving him a small smile. 

He leaned back in his chair, chewing his lip. He knew you weren’t being completely honest, but he didn’t push it. 

-----

“We’re sorry

So sorry

We’re super-duper, crazy stupid

Sorry!”

The boys sang as Julie walked into the studio.

“In case you missed it, we’re all really sorry,” you said, walking over to her. 

“Yeah, I… I got that part.”

“We’ve been here for like, three hours,” Alex said, high-fiving Reggie.

“We almost sang to your little brother.”

“He comes in here a lot. Mainly to use the bathroom.”

“It’s not our favorite part of the day,” Alex whispered. 

“But, Julie, it wasn’t okay that we flaked on the dance last night,” Luke said, getting the group back on topic. 

“We know we let you down,” you said, moving to stand with the boys. 

“And none of us wanted to disappoint you,” Alex said quickly. “You’re the best thing that’s happened to us since we became ghosts.”

“So, in hopes that you’ll rejoin the band, we booked a new gig,” Luke said, nervously handing Julie the flyer.

“A mega important, life-changing gig,” Reggie smiled. 

“Oh, okay, check it out. Tons of managers go here to listen to new bands. All we gotta do is blow them all away, and we’re living the dream.”

“So, this means a lot to you, huh?” Julie said coldly. “Kind of like how playing in front of my entire school meant a lot to me.”

“Sounds like sarcasm… I’m starting to think our plan isn’t working,” Reggie muttered to you and Alex. 

“Look, we know we messed up,” Alex started. 

“But, we need you in the band,” Luke finished. 

“Of course you do. Because without me, no one can see you guys playing.” You looked at the ground in shame as Julie spoke. “You know, I thought that the music we were writing was special, but you’re too obsessed with your past to even care.”

“I do care!” Luke protested. “Our band has a real chance at greatness, and I’m not gonna let that get away from us again!”

“Uh-huh. Right. So then why did you bail on me to get back at Trevor? I’ll tell you why. ‘Cause there’s only one thing you care about, Luke Patterson, and that’s yourself.”

She turned and stormed out of the garage. “Y/N, are you coming?” she called out. You glanced at the boys apologetically before following your best friend. 

-----

Julie sat on the couch, quietly scribbling down answers to her math homework. You sat in the chair next to her, sketching on a piece of paper you had found. 

“You uh, you got a second?” Alex asked as the boys poofed in. Julie ignored them, turning on the couch so they wouldn’t be in front of her. You stared at the paper you were holding. 

“Oh my gosh, she can’t see us anymore!” Reggie exclaimed. Alex gave him a look; Reggie muttered “oh.”

Alex sat on the arm of the couch. “Julie, please.”

“I already told you, I’m done with the band,” she finally spoke. 

“Yeah, we know, alright? But before you decide that forever, we just… we wanted you to know that Luke isn’t as selfish as you think he is.”

“Yeah, you’ve got him all wrong,” Reggie spoke up. 

Julie scoffed and went back to her homework.

“You remember that song ‘Emily’? Can we at least show you who that’s about?”

-----

You never thought you would be spying on a ghost boy, but here you were. The four of you had walked to a house not too far away from Julie’s, and were peering through the front window from a distance. Luke was sitting on the counter, his eyes red from crying, watching an older couple move around the kitchen. It was Luke’s parents house.

“So, Emily’s his mom?” Julie asked, peering out from behind a tree. 

“Yeah. Yeah, Luke comes here a lot,” Alex said, crouching behind a chair. 

“He thinks we don’t know but, we’ve been following him,” Reggie admitted. “All he does is just, hang out like this and watch them. They never really do anything, though.”

“They’re having cake,” you noted. “That’s something.”

“It’s a… it’s a birthday cake. For Luke.” 

A tear slid down your cheek, matching the boy inside. 

“I never knew Luke was hurting this much,” Julie said.

“Yeah. It’s even worse because when he died, he… left on bad terms. You know, his parents didn’t want their 17-year-old to be in a rock band, so… he just left.” Alex said softly. “He never got the chance to make up with them.”

You watched as Luke blew out his birthday candle. His parents relit it and blew it out together.

“That’s why Luke was so angry,” you guessed, tears falling freely. “If Trevor had given Luke credit for writing all the songs, then…” you trailed off.

“His parents would have known his dreams were worth chasing,” Reggie sighed.

“They would have been so proud,” Julie said, her voice breaking a little. You looked over at her and saw that she was crying, too. 

Alex stood up. “We know how bad it hurts when someone that should’ve had your back… completely lets you down. We never meant to make you feel that way.”

“Julie, we love our band,” Reggie said, still crouching behind a plant. “And Luke does too. Please give us another chance.”

You looked back at Luke and his family one last time, noticing a bouquet of flowers on the island. You smiled to yourself. They were dahlia’s, Rose’s favorite.

-----

“Marching on proud

Turn it up loud

‘Cause now we know what we’re worth,” you and Julie harmonized.

Luke suddenly appeared in a chair. “Whoa,” he said as the music died out. Then he smiled. “Julie.”

She smiled back at him. “Grab a guitar. We got work to do.”

“What made you come back?”

“I realized how important music is to all of us. And we’ve lost so much already. We can’t lose this too.”

“Thanks,” Luke said quietly. Julie smiled at him. “Alright, boss, where we at?”

Julie smirked, taking pride in the name. “Oh, and by the way, happy birthday.”

Luke looked a little stunned, and he glanced at you. 

“Happy birthday,” you said quietly, smiling at him.

A slight blush creeped onto his cheeks. 

Julie laughed slightly. “Let’s go from the pre-chorus.”

Alex smiled. “One, two three four!”

-----

“Guys, are you sure? She’s probably just getting dressed or something,” you said as Luke, Alex, and Reggie stopped outside of Julie’s door.

Reggie smirked. “Which is why I’ll be doing this.” He stuck his arm through the door and knocked on this inside. 

You heard Julie chuckle as she called out: “What are you guys doing?”

Reggie stuck his head through the door. “We’re being classy,” you heard him say. You and Alex pulled him back. 

The four of you walked through the door.

“Why are you still here?” Luke asked. “We’re going in like, twenty minutes.”

Julie sighed. “I lied to my dad, so…  now I’m stuck in my room all night.”

“Yeah, but, we were just at the venue! I mean it’s packed, like, VIPs, managers…” Alex trailed off. “It’s kinda crazy.”

“What are we gonna do about my aunt?” Julie asked, sighing again. “She’s right downstairs.”

Luke walked over to her window, smirking as he opened it. “You’re not taking the stairs.”

Julie shook her head slightly. “Okay. Let me get dressed. I’ll meet you guys there.”

The guys all poofed out, but you stayed behind for a minute, admiring your best friend’s room. It was just so… her.

“Y/N?” Julie asked, making you jump slightly. 

“Oh, sorry, I’ll leave-” you started, but Julie cut you off. 

“No, it’s fine.” She walked over to the trunk of her mom’s clothes, pulling out a leather jacket and turquoise romper.

“So,” she started. “What’s the deal with Luke?”

You felt your face go red. “Huh?” you sputtered. “I don’t-”

“Oh come on, Y/N,” she said with a smirk. “Everyone can see the way you look at him. And the way he looks at you.”

You shook your head. “Even if I did like him, which I’m not saying I do, there’s no way he would like me back.”

Julie rolled her eyes. 

“Really Jules! I mean, look at me!” You gestured to yourself. “I’m a mess, inside and out.”

Julie walked over to you and let her hands hover over your shoulders. “Y/N, you are one of the most beautiful people I know. Inside and out,” she smiled. 

“You really think so?” you asked. 

She nodded. You smiled. “Thanks, Jules.”

“Anytime,” she said, smiling back before putting on her outfit for the night. 

-----

“Next up, Dirty Candi,” announced the MC. 

“Am I too late?” Julie said, rushing over to where you and Flynn were standing. 

“Too early,” Flynn said, staring at the stage where Carrie was standing.

“Hope you all came to have a great time!” she said in a peppy voice. 

You glanced back and forth between Carrie and Flynn a few times. 

“Dirty Candi? How’d she get on the list?” Julie asked.

Flynn scoffed. “Her daddy probably made a call.”

You saw the way Flynn was staring at Carrie, trying to hide behind disgust. You smirked to yourself, but didn’t say anything. 

“I like this!” Flynn said, examining Julie’s jacket. “Pretty flower.” 

“Thanks. It’s a dahlia. My mom’s favorite.”

The three of you fell silent as Carrie started to sing. 

“Whenever I walk in the room

All the focus on me

The way I talk the way I move

They all want on my team.”

You rolled your eyes; it was clear that Carrie was just bragging about herself. Although you had to admit, the song was catchy and the dance moves were pretty cool. 

The guys appeared behind you, smiling as they watched the routine.

“The party don’t start ‘till I walk in

I’m stealing all the attention

Don’t get me started on mentions, yeah”

Suddenly Alex was on the stage. You and Reggie looked at each other in confusion, but Alex looked just as confused as you did. 

He quickly got over his confusion however, and he started dancing along with Dirty Candi. You laughed at his antics, making Flynn look at you in confusion.

 “Oh, it’s the guys,” you explained. 

Alex poofed back off the stage. 

“You having fun out there?” Julie asked him, laughter in her voice.

“It’s not my fault it’s my… it’s my feet.”

Julie scoffed, smiling at him. “Yeah.”

Alex grinned. “Put me back in, coach,” he muttered before appearing on the stage again.

You were thoroughly enjoying watching him dance around on stage, walking through Carrie and obviously having the time of his life. 

When the song ended, he hopped around in a little circle. “You’re making me blush,” he said, pretending the audience was clapping for him. Four members were.

He poofed back to you guys. “I um, I was just doing that for you guys.”

“Mmhmm. You can stop smiling now,” Reggie said playfully. 

“I’m not gonna lie, that was… kinda good,” Julie said. 

“Yeah.” Flynn scrunched up her nose. “I forgot why I hate her so much.”

Carrie walked up to the six of you, although to her it only looked like Julie and Flynn. 

“Hi girls!” she said brightly. “Isn’t it past your bedtime?”

Flynn turned to Julie. “Now I remember.”

“If you’re looking for Nick, he didn’t come,” Carrie said coldly.

Julie stepped up to her. “That’s not why I’m here.”

“Okay, looks like we’re closing out the night with one more group,” the MC announced. “ ‘Julie and the Fat Ones’.”

You, Alex, Reggie, and Julie all looked at Luke as Dirty Candi laughed. 

“Really?” Alex asked him.

“Yeah man, my handwriting sucks.”

Julie walked past Carrie onto the stage, the four of you following her. 

“Uh, hi, it’s actually ‘Julie and the Phantoms’,” Julie said, her voice coming up at the end of the sentence, making it sound like a question. 

“Okay,” she muttered when no one answered, and started to play the piano.

“Hearts on fire

We’re no liars

So we say what we wanna say

I’m awakened 

No more fakin’

So we push all our fears away”

You joined her, appearing on stage and taking the harmony line. The crowd gasped.

“Don’t know if I’ll make it

‘Cause I’m falling under

Close my eyes and feel my chest

Beating like thunder

I wanna fly

Come alive

Watch me shine.”

Suddenly, the boys appeared too, making the crowd gasp again.

“I’ve got a spark in me

Hands up if you can see

And you’re a part of me

Hands up if you’re with me

Now ‘till eternity

Hands up if you believe 

Been so long and now we’re finally free”

Julie smiled, letting you take the second verse. 

“We’re all bright now

What a sight now

Coming out like we’re fireworks

Marchin’ on proud

Turn it up loud

‘Cause now we know what we’re worth”

You smiled as Luke joined you.

“We know we can make it

We’re not fallin’ down under

Close my eyes and feel my chest

Beating like thunder

I wanna fly

Come alive

Watch me shine”

The five of you launched into the chorus again, Julie taking the melody. You dropped out, letting Julie and Luke sing the bridge.

“I got a spark in me

I got a spark in me

And you’re a part of me

And you’re a part of me

Now ‘till eternity

Now ‘till eternity

Been so long and now we’re finally free”

You smiled into your microphone as Julie nailed the high note, taking the melody of the chorus.

You grinned as the song came to an end, enjoying the adrenaline rush that came with singing in front of a crowd. You heard the crowd gasp again as the four of you disappeared, leaving Julie apparently alone on stage. 

“Thank you, we’re Julie and the Phantoms. Tell your friends,” she smiled before stepping off the stage. She immediately ran over to the bar area where you and Flynn were waiting.

You all squealed as they hugged each other.

“You were incredible! Both of you,” Flynn said, beaming at her two best friends.

“Yeah we were!” Reggie said as the boys appeared. 

You stood there in an excited silence for a minute more. 

“Hey, hey, whoever Carrie was trying to impress is coming this way,” Luke said suddenly. 

“Oh, it’s…” Julie trailed off as she turned around and saw the woman making her way over.

“She looks all business,” Alex said a little nervously.

“Wait, who should do the talking?” Reggie asked. Julie looked at him. “Oh, right.”

The woman stretched her hand out for Julie to shake. “Hi, I’m Andi Parker, and I’m-”

“Julie.” Andi Parker was cut off by Ray. 

“Dad!” Julie said in surprise. 

“It’s time to go.”

Tag List: @xplrreylo @ifilwtmfc @sunsetcurvej @yagorlemmalyn @caitsymichelle13 @phantompogues

add yourself to my tag list!

[doomednarrative]

I’m doing this for fun simply because I'm rewatching them all so,

Here's my personal ranking for Every Gorillaz Music video, based both on song and the video itself:

(This is going to be a long post)

PHASE ONE:

Tomorrow Comes Today: 7/10. I love this song and the video fits its vibe, but its still pretty simplistic and not a whole lot of actual animation and no story, so it gets points off for that.

Clint Eastwood: 10/10. I love this one honestly. Its still so charming after all this time and showcases the band well for their early days. Love the more moody tone of it, and I always love seeing the band actually play instruments in their videos too. Bonus points for Murdoc's laugh opening this one because I love that.

Rock The House: 9/10. Pure fun. I don't have a lot of commentary for it, I just think its fun and I love the song itself too. One point off for Murdoc thrusting his hips too many times for my eyes tho.

19-2000: 10/10. This one was the first Gorillaz video that I saw and it really is just a nice non plot connected video. The 3D animation still manages to hold up because of its mix with 2D animation in my opinion and I enjoy it.

Rockit: 5/10. I like the song but the video is kinda meh.

PHASE ONE MV'S OVERALL: Overall I like phase one and I miss Del. Bring him back.

PHASE TWO:

Dirty Harry: 8/10. 2D is just vibing so hard in this video and I'm living for it. That’s all that matters. (Side note but I love the version of this video they did for the BRIT's as well.)

DARE: 10/10. Noodles time to shine, a perfect song, what more could you ask for?? (Also love the bit with Murdoc at the end of course.)

Feel Good Inc: 10/10. This one is obvious if you know me at all. Murdoc playing his bass is what sells this one for me cause I enjoy the animation. The songs amazing and one I find comforting to listen to, and the mood of the video fits it perfectly. Theres some really fun shots with lighting while 2D is standing at the window too in the tower in here that I've always liked.

El Mañana: 6/10. I love this song but it makes me sad and so does the video.

PHASE TWO MV'S OVERALL: Phase One is iconic for its art style and for being The Beginning, but Phase Two is my favorite of the two for its art. I love how these videos are animated, and even if Demon Dayz is my least favorite album, the songs in these videos are all very good. Pretty solid as a whole all things considered.

PHASE THREE:

Stylo: 10/10 LISTEN, I KNOW SOME PEOPLE HATE THE CGI, BUT I LOVE IT. It’s so expressive, this song is one of my absolute faves, I’m sorry to be such a Murdoc liker but hes so much fun in this video and so expressive and it starts the story off for Plastic Beach. I love it so much.

On Melancholy Hill: 7/10. It’s not a bad video, and I love the song a lot, but...not a lot actually happens in the video aside from the bits with Noodle. Bonus points however go to just how seamlessly it puts 2D and 3D animation together, and for how cute 2D looks this whole video.

Rhinestone Eyes: 9/10. WOULD BE A 10/10 IF WE’D GOTTEN OFFICIAL ANIMATION FOR IT ;-; (The fan animated video for it tho is Very very good and i applaud that whole team.) Amazing song, this video has the most story packed into it so far from all the other videos and it’s memorable from its storyboards for that alone.

Doncamatic: 10/10 Listen...Listen I know its a one off and it doesn't really have anything in it but I’m obsessed because its one of my favorite Gorillaz songs tbh and I love Daley’s outfit in it so it gets a full pass from it.

PHASE THREE MV’S OVERALL: I love every video this phase tbh, none of them are bad. All of them are fun,and even if Melancholy Hill is a little slow, it’s still enjoyable. I love this phase because they all connect and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way either.

PHASE FOUR:

Hallelujah Money: 7/10. It’s not at all bad, but I’m as not fond of this song, and the video itself is much too trippy for me. Still has its own merits tho that I won’t knock it for even if it’s not my personal taste.

Saturn Barz: 10/10. Everything about this video is amazing. Character designs and as a comeback for the bands animated counterparts, it was perfect. I loved hearing them actually speak again too it made the whole thing so fun. The song is fuckin awesome and it fits the vibe of the whole video. Bonus points for the more lineless animation style they gave everyone in this video, it was a really neat change from past phases. My one complaint is again stop making me see so much naked Murdoc, I may like him but not like that.

Sleeping Powder: 6/10. I am so split when it comes to the mo cap models. This songs good but the video is again too trippy for me.

Strobalite: 9/10. Would have been 10/10 if Russel got to dance with 2D and Noodle, but other than that its pretty damn good. The mo cap looks way less awkward in here, particularly Murdoc and Russel. Also hilarious that Murdoc made a deal with the devil, and the guy who played him is actually his voice actor irl. This songs too much fun to vibe to as well.

PHASE FOUR MV’S OVERALL: Not much for story, but makes up for it in updated art and great music again. Solid overall yet again. I like it.

PHASE FIVE:

Humility: 20/10. Literally every single person I know who’s seen this video loved it. The animation is Beautiful, the song is so fuckin catchy, Jack Black is in it! What more do you want!! (The only thing I could have asked for was to see more of Ace but that’s its only flaw.)

Tranz: 9/10. I love this song so much but this video is Again just a little too trippy for me. However, we get to see Ace just jamming out in this video and I’ll take the trippiness just for that.

PHASE FIVE MV’S OVERALL: I was surprised there wasn't at least one more video for this phase honestly? I feel like Kansas or Souk Eye would have made for great videos for this phase. That aside tho, both the videos it does have are a lot of fun. My literal only complaint is that I wanted to see more of Ace. Bring him back in the future.

PHASE SIX:

Momentary Bliss: 8/10. This songs fine, but what sells it for me is the video is more slice of life/a day in the life of the studio. I’m always a fan of those moments. Bonus points goes to Murdoc trying to fuckin poison Jamie and it backfiring on him.

Désolé: 10/10: ooooh this song is so beautiful...I love it so much. 2D Noodle and Russel got to have such a fun time in this video and they deserve it. And poor Murdoc, having his little sad times by his asshole self. I love him but I think he deserved it. The others needed a good break from the bullshit and I’m glad they got it.

Aries: 6/10. Video itself is kinda boring, but the song is nice. Murdoc deserved to be left behind in Désolé after what he tried to pull here.

Friday the 13th: 3/10. I don’t care for this video and I really don’t care for the song. Not much else to say.

PAC-MAN: 6/10. Video’s fine, I like some of the little details in it, but it’s nothing special. The song itself is nice tho, super calming, I like it.

Strange Timez: 20/20 MY GOD I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH...VISUALS ARE SO FUN, I LOVE ROBERT SMITH SO I LOVE HIM IN HERE, ITS JUST A GOOD TIME ALL AROUND!

The Pink Phantom: 5/10 I just don’t really care for this song?? I like Elton John but I couldn’t get myself to like this one no matter how many times I’ve listened. 2D got to be happy in this video tho so I’ll give it a pass.

The Valley of the Pagans: 6/10. This song fuckin slaps but the video feels like a boring redo of 19-2000 except for it’s ending. It gets points for giving everyone Plastic Beach feelings at the end and hyping up the video after it.

The Lost Chord: 20/20. Y’all knew this was coming. This was something I’d BEEN hoping for story wise and I finally got it. Was it maybe a little rushed? Yes. But GOD it was such a nice thing to see them say “hey we’ve wrapped up this part of the story for good and want everyone to move on from it, so we’ve given it a properly acknowledged final send off.” And tangibly seeing everyone's emotions laid out about the island and their times there was very nice. And  I know Jamie and Damon have stated Murdoc is irredeemable, blah blah yes I know hes an asshole still, but I WILL think about Murdoc in this video and how he seemed actually regretful and what that means to me and the fact that it was no one else but 2D himself being the one to reach out to Murdoc in the end to save him until my dying breath, thank you very much. And this song?? Fuckin beautiful, it had those Plastic Beach vibes again and felt good for it’s send off song, I love it.

PHASE SIX MV’S OVERALL: I may be a little split on some of them and on Song Machine as a whole, but tbh I love the phase six art style so much and most times the videos were pretty good. Bringing back PB in the end was something I always wanted too so it really does get bonus points from me for that. I’m 50/50 on them overall. The great ones are great, and the meh ones are just kinda boring, so it evens out in the end.

STAND ALONE VIDEOS MENTION:

Do Ya Thing: 10/10. I’ve said before I love the 3D animation and the slice of life stuff, so this one’s obviously a favorite, and you really cant go wrong with an Andre 3000 feature either. 

Superfast Jellyfish: 3/10. This song is kinda fun but I don’t give a single shit about the music video.

Garage Palace: 8/10. Very fun pixel visuals for a change along with a killer song, super enjoyable.

So what’s my final verdict on Gorillaz and their long music video history?

Honestly for a group thats been going as long as they have, I dont think they have too many misses in their catalog. The ones that aren’t as fun are just kinda there, but the videos that really stand out stand out far above the ones that don’t hit the mark as well and in the end it all feels like a good balance. No band has a perfect video every time, but the ones that Gorillaz did well they did amazing on and I enjoy it immensely when that happens.

Sidenotes after watching all of those:

For the love of god please put Russel in the videos more, please, he deserves it and I would love to see him more.

On that note, BRING DEL BACK WITH HIM TOO!!

And speaking of characters to bring back, I want Ace to come back and join Murdoc sometimes, even if its only once or twice more, I need to see them interact PLEASE.

Last note but Jamie, please, I’m begging, show less of mostly naked or fully naked of Murdoc in future videos, we’ve had our fill by now.

[save-the-sky]

about me

thank you for tagging me @somin-yin <3

Name/nickname: Anna

Pronouns: she/her; star sign: Taurus; height: 170cm

Time: 14:18

Birthday: May 13th

Favorite bands: Bastille, Lukas Graham, Walking on Cars, One Direction, Звери and others I'm forgetting rn

Favorite solo artists: Hozier, Isak Danielson, Raleigh Ritchie, Dermot Kennedy, Rag'n'Bone Man, Sam Smith, Lewis Capaldi

Song stuck in my head: Mr/Mme by Loïc Nottet. this is such an emotional and sincere song, and I think you can feel it even without translation. i've seen some live performances on youtube and just wow

Last show: i'm rewatching Bridgerton rn. i also watched Lupen recently and i highly recommend it. it's so good

Last thing I googled: i was comparing different blood pressure monitors :D so exciting, i know

When did I create this blog: April, 2014

What do I post: Romance Club, Turkish Dizi, British panel shows (Taskmaster, Would I Lie To You, 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown), GBBO, playchoices (derogatory), tv shows i'm obsessed atm and anything else i like

Other blogs: no, we suffer like men <3

Last movie: rewatched The Mummy and The Mummy Returns

Why I chose my URL: out of panic mostly

Do I get asks: very rarely but i don't mind them

Following: 96

Followers: 450

Average hours of sleep: 6-8

Instruments: no

Lucky number: i don't think i have one :/

Dream trip: Iceland, Greece and the UK

What am I wearing: a t-shirt

Favorite food: my mom's food :)

Languages: Russian, English, used to speak German

Favorite song: It Will Come Back by Hozier

Last book read: i binge-read all Grishaverse after watching Shadow and Bone but got stuck on King of Scars :( although Nikolai is one of my favourite characters, the book is kinda boring

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in:

since we are on the topic of Grishaverse, i'd pick post-war Ravka (just let me try and seduce my man)

Narnia seems fun

the one where i can be a Greek goddess (escapism my beloved)

tagging (no pressure tho): @rebevester @lady-stirling @clanlessrebel @idbeyourwife @princessofstormholt @carogables @anaestheticdisaster @abc1dspntjlc4 @siriusly-blackish and whoever wants to do it

[ghost-band-aids]

Interview with GHOST and TRIBULATION

The Undisguised Truth

TOBIAS FORGE and JONATHAN HULTÉN have a lot in common. While one of them currently slips into the role of the exalted charmer Cardinal Copia as the singer of GHOST, the introverted TRIBULATION guitarist on stage transforms into a fascinating, expressive being who exists beyond genre and gender boundaries. What is real, what is an artificial figure? METAL HAMMER met both of them during their tour together for a conversation that allows far more than just a look behind the scenes of two of the most popular metal bands at the moment, but also unexpectedly intimate insights.

Tobias, originally you didn't want to be the singer of Ghost. Did the mask help you to come to terms with this exposed role?

Tobias Forge: Yes, well, at least from today's point of view. But I never wanted to be unknown.

What function does your stage make-up have, Jonathan?

Jonathan Hultén: It helps me to put myself in a certain mood. The idea behind it is to isolate and reinforce a fraction of myself, an aspect of my personality. To immerse myself in this is an experience beyond the everyday state of mind.

Strengthen also Cardinal Copia or Papa Emeritus facets of your personality, Tobias?

Tobias Forge: I'm not shy, but I'm not as sociable as Cardinal Copia - and also not a "physical clown" like him. What I do is a kind of mixed bag. I imitate people I find funny or interesting.

Basically, the way actors do it. If you asked Robert DeNiro how he came up with the young Don Corieone, he would probably say: Well, there was this guy in my old neighborhood... The costume gives you the opportunity to completely surrender yourself in that moment and just be that new person. That's interesting, because you only reveal it to a few people for a limited time. You don't have to see how that person lives the other 22 hours of the day. Like with actors: James Bond is cool because you only see certain sides of him. Never in the bathroom or shower. Well, not in the toilet, in the shower. But always in the company of a snake or something he kills.

How long does the transformation take?

Tobias Forge: But you finished much sooner than I did.

Jonathan Hultén: For pragmatic reasons. I like to get it done as soon as possible so as not to get in a bind later. How about you?

Tobias Forge: We have a very tight schedule. Pretty much exactly one hour before the show starts I walk in the door as Tobias and come out as someone else.

What does this transformation do to you?

Jonathan Hultén: You have to enter a stage with emphasis. So it's good to be prepared.

Tobias Forge: And that's what happens within this hour. You slowly start to move differently... I love being a different person for two hours and then changing back. But I need some time for that, usually I stay alone for an hour after the show.

Jonathan Hultén: That's good. As far as I can, I try to do the same. Mostly by doing something that I can be introspective about... ...carry things back and forth or something.

Tobias Forge: I think that's very important. There is potential suffering in art, especially in mental health. The smaller the discrepancy between yourself and the person you are portraying on stage, the harder it is to deal with. If you are merely associated with your stage character, people expect you to behave like that in real life.

And that can be problematic...

Tobias Forge: Exactly, because they created this super human being who can do anything, who has a carte blanche. Everyone applauds, everyone laughs, and everything you do is funny or cool. And if you take it to the bar afterwards... There are bad examples of people who can't get down in normal life, become alcoholics or, well, die.

Jonathan Hultén: Sure, all that can be destructive. But in my case it was very helpful to discover my more explosive, extroverted sides. And to dare to give them more space, because privately I am quite shy. That's also part of the process of building up, which takes a long time.

I gradually gain self-confidence from this, so that I can now express myself better in everyday situations.

Tobias Forge: I think they are one and the same. It's like mental martial arts, where the person who doesn't like the fight, but still has to face it - within the limits of the dojo, of course, so as not to hurt anyone. And, yes, art is basically good for anyone who has the desire to become someone else. It's a generalization, but I think there's a lot of truth in it: many artists choose this path because they weren't very popular at school. Or they can't come out of themselves, but their art offers them an opportunity to do so. It's fun to go on stage, to transform and feed off the energy or admiration.

How you interact with the audience has changed over the years.

Tobias Forge: Sure. The masked person has an advantage of about 70 concerts, so 1,000 hours on stage. If I had given myself the same amount of time to develop without the make-up, without the role, just with acoustic guitar, I might have created a completely different stage personality. But this is completely uninteresting for me, because I prefer this super character! (laughs)

Jonathan Hultén: transformation would then no longer be so dramatic, but much more subtle.

Tobias Forge: And you'd have to be comfortable in your own skin.

Jonathan Hultén: I'm working on it. (laughs)

Jonathan, your solo debut, CHANTS FROM ANOTHER PLACE, will be released soon and you will also be touring with Chelsea Wolfe. Will you be different on stage there than you are here with Tribulation?

Jonathan Hultén: It has become harder to separate the two. They are like different shades of the same color. And I've found that they both borrow a lot from each other. The tribulation performer exists much longer, so he has much more experience. He/she is like an archaeologist who explores an inner wildness and passion. Over the years a lot of weird stuff has been dug up and included.

On the other hand, the solo performer, who has only been around for about three yen and is still is at the beginning of the excavations. However, I expect that also here many interesting things will appear

What can we expect from you live?

Jonathan Hultén: Just like with Tribulation, the atmosphere will be very important. But apart from some dramatic excursions, the show will be mostly silent and contemplative. The silence gives more room for more complex emotions to unfold in a way that I miss in the energetic performances of Tribulation.

These in turn defy the unwritten rules of a traditional metal show, not least thanks to you. Tribulation are considered a death metal band...

Tobias Forge: I wouldn’t call you guys like that.

Do you see yourselves as pioneers? Do you enjoy being different?

Jonathan Hultén: I stopped thinking about whether people see me as stupid, weird or whatever. It's the only way I can do it. Headbanging just wasn't enough. I felt there had to be something bigger, some kind of ectase. This may be weird, but it feels good.

How important are grace and style to you?

Jonathan Hultén: Both are important, but it's equally important not to be obsessively attached to them. Someone once said that grace is a combination of spontaneity and control. It's a good rule of thumb - on and off stage. It's always about balance. Every situation is unique and requires a unique approach.

Tobias Forge: You should be really proud of it, apart from the fact that your music is great. Your performance is dramatically different from any other. Besides the music, your physical attributes and the way you present yourself make you a very unique and interesting person. Strange, cash, different. You should definitely pursue that. Yes, I think you should see yourself as a pioneer.

Jonathan Hultén: Mm, thank you. (chuckles)

What does that do to your audience?

Tobias Forge: If you are a live musician, have an antenna for it and you don't completely care, you always enter a symbiosis with the fans. Give and take, almost like in a physical relationship. You will try to perfect ways to give pleasure to each other. I know it sounds weird, but every decent relationship changes with age. You grow together, you have new needs or ideas. That's why some couples bring in other people, or whips or plugs. It's the same with you and the audience. During our second show I noticed that our audience is very positive, but I couldn't make a rhyme out of it.

Why that?

Tobias Forge: The room was filled with Hard Rock people, the kind of people I've been playing to since I was a teenager. But they weren't headbanging as usual. Instead they did something else.

Jonathan Hultén: Wiggle.

Tobias Forge:  Yeah, they were wiggling around. (laughs) And singing and laughing, very different from what I knew from Death or Black Metal shows.

Are there any other special features of your fans?

Tobias Forge: When we played the first headliner shows in America, I noticed for the first time the gender diversity in our audience. Our fans are a lot of girls, a lot of guys, and a lot in between. We've always been a magnet for people who are unhappy with their gender or don't feel they belong anywhere: Kids, many outsiders and outcasts in various fragile states.

Jonathan, Tobias' words seem to resonate with you.

Jonathan Hultén: Yes, they do. I don't speak for tribulation as a whole when I say this, but I personally don't feel I belong to either gender. But I've never felt the need to choose either. Androgyny is what I feel most comfortable with. This tendency probably also applies to performance, whether tribulation or solo.

Tobias Forge: The best portrayal of the devil I've ever seen is from the movie 'The Passion of Christ'. Satan is portrayed by a woman, but speaks in a man's voice and thus becomes the epitome of androgyny, completely genderless. For incorporating this aspect into your stage personality, I give credit to you and the band. Especially when you get together with Adam (Zaars, guitarist of Tribulation) on stage, it seems elfish and feminine, but also masculine. This is incredibly interesting and unusual, especially in the rigid heavy metal genre with this "men are men" and "women are women" thing: Doro Pesch, girl, Manowar, guys, great. But when I think of all the metal bands I like, there are also examples of very attractive androgyny, which is not necessarily sexual. Not to mention seventies rock bands.

You have been confronted with different kinds of music and art forms from a very young age. Does that give you an artistic advantage?

Jonathan Hultén: It helps me to keep my relationship to art fresh, to get excited. Whether in childhood or in adulthood: open-mindedness helps the creative process. If you're not afraid of opening up to all kinds of different music styles, you can find inspiration in the most surprising places. No matter where the idea comes from - the important thing is whether it works. Certainly, this is reflected in all areas of creative work. Become the medium through which the flow of inspiration flows - then collect the gold pieces that this flow carries with it and create something beautiful out of them.

Does the metal context limit your expressiveness?

Tobias Forge: I don' t feel restricted with Ghost at all. There are only a few ideas I can' t realize with the band, because Ghost is a combination of all the things I like about music, cinema and theatre. But if there is enough time in the future, I would love to be in a completely different band where I am not the center of attention. I am a guitarist and would like to sing backup. That corresponds to me much more.

Jonathan Hultén: I'm exploring something new, and it's been quite interesting - and different. There are endless possibilities to discover yourself, artistically and as an artist. Only unfortunately there is not enough time.

I'm afraid that we don't have enough time either.

Tobias Forge: Yes, but these things are existential. They are not only about art and being an artist, but also about how both are connected to the human psyche and why people, artist or not, need art to function in modern times. That, by the way, is also one of the things I appreciate about tribulation: You are artists, not just any death metal band. I don’t want to hang anybody on the fence but especially in metal many musicians claim that they make music for themselves first and foremost. That’s not true! As soon as you go on stage you want to get something back. Even GG Allin! And his gigs were really a confrontational and bad experience for every lover of the fine arts. Playing just for yourself? That's not how it works. You either do it to please or to deliver something. People laugh, cry, clap, scream, whatever... And when they leave, they feel a little bit better. That's entertainment!

Anja Delast/ Metal Hammer

-------------------------------------------------

Please do not share without naming the origin. I have taken a lot of effort with it and unfortunately it is distributed without stating the origin. It's somehow sad...

[freudensteins-monster]

Live From My Bedroom! It’s Darcy Lewis!

Based on a fic prompt I received forever ago and have been working on ever since.

Images used in the fake youtube screenshots were sourced almost entirely from Kat Dennings and RDJ's social media accounts.

Please note that this has been written in a very basic script/video transcript format. And has not been beta'd. Fingers crossed it's still easy to read. xoxox

Chapter One: Whatever Happened to Darcy Lewis?

[Title Card: A cheap animated explosion solely using colours from the Lisa Frank colour wheel with the text “LIVE FROM MY BEDROOM! IT’S DARCY LEWIS!” in the middle.]

[Video opens on a cheerful woman in her 30’s sitting in what looks like a teenager’s bedroom from the 90’s. The walls are covered in band/movie posters and the shelves are full of books, Barbies, and other toys from the era. The woman has long wavy brown hair and she is wearing a dark blue t-shirt with a Grumpy Bear symbol on it.]

Hello world! It’s Darcy Lewis here, cashing in on the childhood nostalgia train by launching my very own youtube channel. [winning smile] So… Whatever Happened to Darcy Lewis? This was a question posed to me by a random stranger after she had been staring at me for a solid five minutes as I stood in the tampon aisle of my local grocery store trying to make a decision.

[Cut scene]

[Text on screen: *Dramatic recreation]

[Darcy, dressed in basic t-shirt, staring at shelf of tampons]

[notices someone watching her]

[turns head]

Darcy dressed up like a yoga mom, caught staring: OMG. I am so sorry. It’s just that you look just like that kid from that tv show.

Darcy, dressed in a basic t-shirt, holding two boxes of tampons: [deadpan voice] I get that all the time.

Yoga Mom!Darcy: [deep in thought] Whatever happened to that girl anyway?

Darcy: [still holding up two boxes of tampons] I heard she moved to Florida to breed alligators.

Yoga Mom!Darcy: [shocked face] Really?!

Darcy: [still holding up two boxes of tampons] …No.

[End cut scene]

So, yeah, I am that kid from that tv show. In 1990, at the age of five, I was cast in the sitcom Live from Suburbia! If you don’t remember it you were probably watching Full House. That, or you’re just too young. It’ll be thirty years this month since Live from Suburbia! first aired, and come December I am going to be thirty-five years old.

[video goes black and white, zooms in on a distraught Darcy’s face]

[Psycho shower scene music plays]

[Darcy shakes herself out of it and video returns to normal]

So, yeah, I forgive you if you haven’t seen it.

[Text flashes on screen: HEY NETFLIX! PICK IT UP ALREADY!]

My parents have probably never even seen an episode they weren’t on set for either. They were never really keen on the idea of me becoming a child actor. They’re both college professors – they were prepared for, like, mathletes or debate club, not driving me to auditions and having me take classes with a tutor in a trailer parked outside a soundstage. [laughs] But I was super obsessed with Drew Barrymore in E.T. and when my mom explained that E.T. wasn’t real, and that Drew was an actress, I decided that was what I wanted to do. So when I heard people talking about auditions being held at a local shopping mall, and that they were looking for a “precocious” 5-6 year old girl, I kind of demanded that my parents let me go. That audition was for a cereal commercial – I didn’t get it, but the casting director liked me so when they were starting the casting process for Live from Suburbia! they asked me to audition for the role of Siouxsie.

[Text appears on screen: *NOT SUSIE. SIOUXSIE. LIKE SIOUXSIE AND THE BANSHEES. #endthedebate]

Live from Suburbia! was about a wannabe rock star from LA, played by a pre-famous, pre-infamous, Tony Stark, who had to put his dreams on hold and move to the suburbs when he becomes the sole guardian of his two kids; Siouxsie and Hendrix, played by a pre-teen Clint Barton. You might recognise him too; his most recent album just went platinum.

[images of Clint Barton rocking out on stages around the world flash on screen]

The show was axed in 1994 and I pretty much went back to the real world for a few years and went back to school full time. My parents were pretty insistent on that. Towards the end of middle school they let me get back in contact with my agent and I soon got a recurring role as mean girl Kaitlyn on the Disney Channel show Total Drama Teens. And later on when I was a senior in high school I played Void, the goth hacker-slash-tech support to a brooding vigilante in one of the last great straight-to-video action duds of the Blockbuster era. 

[sudden dramatic close up] 

But we don’t talk about that. 

[zoom out]

After high school I went to Culver University and studied full time. My parents insisted I get a “real degree” so I ended up majoring in Political Science with a minor in Drama, instead of the other way around, and without the Political Science, like I wanted. After I graduated, despite my parents’ concerns, I moved to L.A. to try and become an actress full time. You might remember me from such unforgettable roles as the “kooky” comedic relief-slash-best friend in five different rom-coms from the mid-2000’s – four of which were called Jenny. I am not kidding. 

[Images of her characters appear on screen: Jenny, Jenny, Jennie, Madison, and Jenny.]

I’ve also had bit parts on every Law & Order and CSI series there is, and had recurring roles as the “kooky” girlfriend in about three different sitcoms over the past five years. 

[Darcy sighs]

[Text on screen: SIGHS IN TYPECAST]

Most recently I finished work on my first serious dramatic role in an indie movie called Bottled Lightning. It’s been entered in a few film festivals, I’ve gotten some good reviews for my performance, but as of last week it had still not secured a distribution deal. So, yeah… That one’s probably only going to be seen by a dozen film critics from three different film festivals and then sort of disappear into the unknown. [pouts] So here I am. Taking a break from the grind of auditioning. In my time capsule of a childhood bedroom. Housesitting for my parents while they’re drinking their way across Europe. 

[Darcy sighs again]

[Text on screen: SIGHS IN UNREALISED POTENTIAL]

My parents suggested I just give up on the whole acting thing altogether, move closer to them, get a “real job”… So I created a youtube channel instead. [cheeky smile] I’ve got a few ideas for upcoming episodes. Next week I’m going to be doing a reaction video to the pilot episode of Live from Suburbia! It’s been a good twenty-five years since I’ve seen it, but I’ve got the entire series on VHS. …just got to figure out how to get that digital so I can insert it into one of these videos…

[pensive music]

[Text on screen: COME ON NETFLIX! HELP A GIRL OUT!]

And then maybe a reaction to the first episode of Full House, or a review of the best child actor performances... Maybe if these videos get some traction I might even be able to do some interviews with other child actors – what do you think? Let me know in the comments. And I’m sure you know the drill already: Like, Subscribe, and Share. Thanks for dropping by! I’ll see you next week!

[Darcy blows a kiss to camera, screen fades to black]

NEXT VIDEO: Live from Suburbia! Pilot Episode Reaction (feat. Fizzgig)

*** ** ***

Notes: NEXT VIDEO is not indicative of what the next chapter is about but done simply to imply that Darcy has a whole lot of other videos on her channel that I haven’t written. Also, I named her parent’s cat Fizzgig for the 80s/90s kid vibes.

Tagging everyone who commented on the original tumblr fic prompt in case you wanted to see the end result. @zephrbabe @evieplease @endlesscalendar @lynnestra44 @founderofshield @oldenoughtobeyourmama  @typhoidmeri @phoenix-173 @suzieqsez @kiaraalexisklay @slytherinstarkravingmad​

[purplesurveys]

1279

Are you and the last person you kissed in a relationship or just friends?  I don’t keep contact.

Has anyone ever pointed out that your laugh was unusual?  Hmmmm, I don’t think so. I feel like that would be the type of comment that would get to me so I definitely would’ve remembered it.

Would you get a lip piercing?  I don’t plan on getting any piercings.

Nose piercing?  Nopes.

What are you currently waiting for?  For this fucking day to end so I can be closer to Thursday and to the weekend.

Do you have feelings for anyone?  Nah.

Have you ever run over an animal?  Nope. I’ve had extremely close calls with animals who suddenly dart into the road, but fortunately these have all been situations wherein I got to hit the brakes with nobody behind me.

Have you chewed gum after someone else already has?  That’s disgusting, no.

When people sneeze do you say ‘bless you’?  Sure, out of habit and just to be polite.

When was the last time you were on a bouncy castle?  I don’t think I’ve ever been on a bouncy castle, but I’ve been on a lot of bouncy other things haha, like inflatable slides, soccer balls, Anpanmans, etc. The last time would probably be a nearly a decade ago; I definitely haven’t been near one in a while.

Have you ever went on a bouncy castle whilst drunk?  Well no, because the ones I’ve been on were situated in school fairs, which is the last place I would want to be drunk in.

Have you ever entered an art competition?  No, I have no justification to join one haha.

What is one thing you will never do? Try hardcore drugs. < Same. 

What is one food that you detest?  Pineapples.

Did you have a rebellious phase growing up?  Yeah I was a bit of a handful to raise, but I’m in firm in my stance that it had a lot to do with the way I was raised. I grew up mostly without a father figure because my dad worked abroad and I felt neglected by my mom who had her own shit to deal with. There was no stable support system to lean on, so I ended up lashing out a lot in my puberty years. Unfortunately everyone else just saw a rebellious child and not a plea for help.

These days when I show off my achievements on social media, I’ll see congratulatory comments from my mom’s friends and she’ll usually go on about some “late bloomers grow with time” narrative and it pisses me off because nobody knows how much I’ve had to grow and mature and learn how to be happier all by myself, all from scratch. If I had just received the proper care and attention early on, I wouldn’t have had to do any catching up to begin with.

What religion were you brought up with? Roman Catholic.

Are you still that religion?  Jesus no. I darted out of there as soon as I gained the consciousness to think about these sorts of things.

Do you often find yourself questioning your future?  Sometimes, but I do my best to not let it get to me.

How many friends do you have on Facebook?  Over 670.

What sort of music did you listen to when you were in high school?  I started with punk rock in the first half of high school, so I had my Rancids, H2Os, Against Me!s, Cro-Mags, etc on my iPod. It evolved a little bit towards more indie, folksy sounds towards the latter half - Banks, alt-J, Hozier, Twenty One Pilots - which I largely attribute to the crowd I was part of at the time.

What pet names do you use with your significant other?  I’m pretty straightforward so baby works out for me. Other, more specific pet names just grow naturally with the relationship, I think.

What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries?  S&R.

Have you ever seen a theatre show?  Yeah. Most of them have been required.

What’s your favourite vegetable?  Broccoli or bell peppers.

Have you ever missed a flight?  Never. I’ve experienced several delayed flights, though, which is always such a hassle especially if the delays happen in provincial airports since they never have any recreational offers to keep passengers from getting bored other than TVs that run the same damn five ads.

Do your neighbours have any pets? Have you ever met them?  Yeah, a lot of have dogs. I’ve met some.

What color is your bedroom door?  Brown.

If you were ever to become famous, would you grow annoyed at fans?  Only towards obsessive ones who wouldn’t give me time to breathe or would go so far so as to stalk me or my loved ones. But I am a fan too, so I imagine I would actually be understanding of those who would ask for pictures or whatever as long as they were polite and not at all intrusive.

Have you ever met your favourite band/singer?  Nah. I am terrified of meeting celebrities HAHA so I’ve always shut down the chance. I’m pretty sure I would actually turn down the chance to meet BTS if I hypothetically suddenly got the magic keys to that door.

Are you embarrassed by any of the songs/singers/bands you like?  No. I feel like that sort of thing just happens in like high school, when your friends are still a bit judgmental. Nowadays I don’t see why I should be embarrassed of anything I like, especially if it’s not hurting anyone.

Have you ever written a story?  I’ve made attempts but was always terrible.

Think of the last poem you wrote: What inspired you to write it?  My homework that required me to write said poem hahaha.

Do you have a chance with the person you like right now? 

What’s the weirdest thing you were scared of as a child?  Watching commercials at night. It’s still a slight fear of mine but it’s mostly dissipated now.

Are there any embarrassing stories your family tells about you?  About me? No. I don’t have a lot of those since I was a really shy kid who barely moved a finger anyway.

In your opinion, what is the funniest TV show?  I have a *really* soft spot for Perfect Strangers, which I actually revisited yesterday :) The show was never super popular so it’s near impossible to find clips online, but when I checked YouTube I did see a slight increase in short snippets from the show so I had a really fun time binge-watching yesterday.

What is the maximum number of children you’d ever have?  Three, but that’s pushing it. Ideally, I’d have two so my first would have company.

Have you ever been concerned you had a serious illness?  Mental ones, yes.

Are you comfortable with who you are?  For the most part, yes.

Would you date someone even if you knew you’d get made fun of for it?  No. Why would it be any of their business?

Does popularity matter to you at all?  I mean, yeah in the sense that I honestly aspire to be well-liked by as many people as possible. But I don’t necessarily want to rub shoulders with popular kids.

Would you ever consider homeschooling your children?  Continued from sometime this week ider. No. I don’t think I’m capable of teaching, and generally I’d want them to be able to learn in a more open environment where they can have regular contact with different kinds of people.

Who told you about the band/singer you are currently listening to?  Well Angela got into them first and since we’re best friends, there was a certain point where she just decided to loop me into conversations that involved them. I was impossible to sway for a long time, but then one day a video compilation of them showed up on my feed, and for some reason I actually watched it, and I watched all the way through, and I was immediately intrigued – particularly by J-Hope haha. I then asked Angela to tell me more about them and the rest was...financially irresponsible history HAHAHAHA

Do you ever read fanfiction?  OMG yes. Funny you should mention that because my favorite author uploaded a brand new fic this morning, which I obviously couldn’t get to all day because I had to go to work. I’ll be reading it in all its 44,000-word glory tonight :D

Would you rather die in a plane crash, ship wreck or fire?  Plane crash. Instant and mostly painless.

What are your top five favourite TV shows?  Breaking Bad, BoJack Horseman, Friends, The Crown even though I was never able to continue it since...andddd that’s all I got.

What is your favorite superhero movie?  Not a fan of superhero movies.

If you died next week, what would be the cause of death?  Stress from overworking. I’ve FINALLY started to consider taking a leave for the first time this year because I’ve just realized just how fucking exhausted, burned out, and overwhelmed I actually already am from having no rest at all in the last 13 months.

Have you ever taken a break from Facebook or other social media? Why?  Yes, I do mass deactivations when I’m severely depressed. These days I can’t really afford to that anymore, though, since my work is closely tied to social media.

Who is the most talented person you know?  Probably Andi.

Are you currently platonic friends with anyone you’ve had sex with?  No.

Where did you and your current interest go on your first date? 

Have you ever experienced two people fighting over you (physically or mentally)? What happened?  Nah. I’ve had two people like me at the same time, but there was never any tension to watch out for since they mostly didn’t know each other.

Have your parents ever thought you were gay? What happened?  I think they know I dated Gabie and that we broke up because they’ve stopped asking about her. Everyone knew we were best friends, so the fact that they’ve avoided her as a topic for a whole year is able to tell me something.

Are your parents more liberal or conservative?  Dad’s on the liberal side, mom dances around on the spectrum a little bit. I know she’s fine with things like tattoos and having LGBTQ+ co-workers, but she’s also conservative especially towards matters like religion.

What year are you going into at the beginning of the next academic year?  No longer in school.

How far away does your closest family member live?  A few footsteps away.

If you’ve seen both, did you prefer the Disney version or the Tim Burton version of Alice in Wonderland?  It’s not my type of movie/genre to begin with.

Would you have sex before marriage? Why or why not?  Yes. I don’t see the big deal; I’ve already done it anyway.

Are you more liberal or conservative?  Liberal.

Who is your favorite Harry Potter character?  Ooh not sure. I haven’t gone back to the books in a while, so I don’t remember if there was anyone I had an attachment to.

What’s the worst that could come out of letting gays marry?  Nothing.

What’s the most sexual thing you’ve done?  Had sex...I guess? And a bunch of stuff that comes with it.

Name something that you are against.  Racial discrimination.

Why are you against it?  Because it is infuriating to see, and it shows me the very same treatment can happen to me or my family as well and that scares me, especially since some people turn particularly violent towards people of color.

Have you ever played the Tomb Raider games?  No.

Do you like it or hate it when your partner is clingy?  I imagine I wouldn’t enjoy it if I’m not as into whoever my next partner would be.

Beatles or Rolling Stones?  I don’t listen to either.

When was the last time you changed your opinion on somebody?  Not so sure about a whole change in opinion because that hasn’t happened in a while, but I grew more grateful for my manager today because I finally mustered the strength to tell her that I’m begin to struggle mentally with work and she not only encouraged (read: begged) me to file a damn leave for once, but she also got sushi delivered to my place.

What was the last thing that made you feel proud and why?  Andi was telling me about their day today and how they handled being misgendered by a prof, who then proceeded to throw a fit when he got corrected, and how they, again, maturely handled said fit. I was proud of them because there are a million ways that incident could’ve turned out, but they dealt with it in an extremely mature and calm manner considering they were the one who was wronged.

Do you feel uncomfortable when people you hardly know confide in you?  If it was about an extremely personal problem I would probably be taken aback at first, but I still would definitely make some time for them and help in however way I can, since they apparently trust me enough to confide.

What was the last thing to fascinate you?  The music video for My Universe! Super cool to watch and I love that they made a short film out of it too.

Is there a certain noise/sound which scares you?  Doors being slammed shut, because that’s what my mom does when she’s furious. She did that when I was a kid and she does it to this day, so I get extremely nervous when I hear the sound, even if it happens by accident.

Do you have a favourite microorganism? Nope.

Out of the people you know, whose birthday is next?  My cousin Bree.

If you have pet fish do you bother to name them?  I did when I had them as a kid.

Do you keep your eggs in the fridge?  Yes?

Have you ever owned chickens?  Nope.

When did you last listen to music?  Like five minutes ago. I tried to have a jazz playlist on but I realized I wasn’t in the mood for music so I changed my background noise to have a random VLive on instead. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #455

“but you didn’t have to cut me off  /  make it like it never happened and that we were nothing”

Are you and the last person you kissed in a relationship or just friends? We're besties! :') Has anyone ever pointed out that your laugh was unusual? No. Would you get a lip piercing? I already have a vertical labret. I've considered getting spiked snakebites (they might be called devil bites?) too, though. With a vertical labret, it looks sick as FUCK. It might be a bit much too close together for me, though, idk. Nose piercing? I want my right nostril re-pierced. What are you currently waiting for? Girt to message me back. I've decided what I want out of our relationship and just want to see him. Do you have feelings for anyone? Hit me pretty hard through a lot of examination of my feelings that yeah, I do. Have you ever run over an animal? Oh my god no, I would be DESTROYED. Have you chewed gum after someone else already has? bro what the fuck When people sneeze do you say ‘bless you’? I do only out of expectation. I don't want someone to think I'm an ass or something for not saying it. When was the last time you were on a bouncy castle? A few years ago for my niece's birthday. She was scared of how loud it was and was very reluctant to get near it, so my fat ass got in there with everyone else to show her it was fine lol. I can't remember if she eventually got in. She loves them now, though. :') Have you ever went on a bouncy castle whilst drunk? No, but thanks for the idea, ha ha. Have you ever entered an art competition? Yes. What is one thing you will never do? Try hardcore drugs. What is one food that you detest? Asparagus. Did you have a rebellious phase growing up? Not really. What religion were you brought up with? Roman Catholic. Are you still that religion? GOD NO. Do you often find yourself questioning your future? That's my full-time job. How many friends do you have on Facebook? 124. What sort of music did you listen to when you were in high school? The same I listen to now. What pet names do you use with your significant other? I'm single rn, but usually, I go for "sweetie/sweetheart," "hunny," "love," "dear," stuff like that. What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries? Wal-Mart. Have you ever seen a theatre show? Yes. What’s your favourite vegetable? Broccoli. Have you ever missed a flight? Yes. I was SO fuckin upset because it was on Sara's birthday and planned in secret, and I was supposed to wake her up. It still wound up being a big surprise to her when she walked into her room and I was chillin' at her desk, ha ha, but I still wish it coulda gone as originally planned. Do your neighbours have any pets? Have you ever met them? Yes; they have a yappy-ass dog that doesn't shut up. I haven't met them. What color is your bedroom door? White. If you were ever to become famous, would you grow annoyed at fans? This may sound very ungrateful, but I have heard A LOT of celebrities say it: it would get old, being stopped constantly in public for signatures, pictures, etc. Like yes, I still WOULD be grateful, but I'd miss just being off the radar and able to go outside carrying out chores and stuff like a normal person. Have you ever met your favourite band/singer? No. :( Are you embarrassed by any of the songs/singers/bands you like? Nah, not nowadays. Have you ever written a story? Yes, a kinda short one when I was little. Think of the last poem you wrote: What inspired you to write it? The breakup with Jason and the fact we're just strangers again. It was really short, but I like it a lot, honestly. Do you have a chance with the person you like right now? I think so. What’s the weirdest thing you were scared of as a child? A skeleton in my closet, lol. Literally. Are there any embarrassing stories your family tells about you? alkdsjflakjwle yes In your opinion, what is the funniest TV show? That '70s Show. 3rd Rock From the Sun is high up there, too. What is the maximum number of children you’d ever have? HYPOTHETICALLY, two, but I'm pretty damn serious about having none. I just always feel kinda bad for children without a sibling, but three would make me pull my hair out. Have you ever been concerned you had a serious illness? Yes. I overreact to even minor symptoms to ANYTHING. Are you comfortable with who you are? No. Pretty much everything about myself embarrasses me, even if it shouldn't. Would you date someone even if you knew you’d get made fun of for it? Yes? Others' opinions don't affect how I feel about someone. Does popularity matter to you at all? No, outside of trying to be a successful photographer. Would you ever consider homeschooling your children? If they really wanted that and it would benefit them, yes. Who told you about the band/singer you are currently listening to? I discovered them myself. Do you ever read fanfiction? Nah. Would you rather die in a plane crash, ship wreck or fire? Jesus. A plane crash, I guess, because in a lot of cases, it would be an immediate death. What are your top five favourite TV shows? Meerkat Manor, Fullmetal Alchemist (and Brotherhood; shut up, they go together), That '70s Show, Ginga Densetsu Weed, and Deadman Wonderland. What is your favorite superhero movie? Logan. If you died next week, what would be the cause of death? Uhhhh idk... I guess maybe a heart attack? Judging by doctor appointments, my heart is just fine, but the fact still remains that I'm technically obese, so that's always a risk. Have you ever taken a break from Facebook or other social media? Why? Facebook, yes. It was just depressing me. I was playing the comparison game REAL hard. Who is the most talented person you know? I dunno. I know many people talented in a lot of areas. Are you currently platonic friends with anyone you’ve had sex with? No. Where did you and your current interest go on your first date? Bowling. Have you ever experienced two people fighting over you (physically or mentally)? What happened? Jason and Juan pursued me at the same time. They'd known each other in the past, and Juan hated him for "winning" his ex-girlfriend. Then when Jason and I got together, Juan wasn't the happiest for sure. Have your parents ever thought you were gay? What happened? Before I actually came out as bisexual, I don't think so? Are your parents more liberal or conservative? Conservative. Mom is more open, but still conservative. I think. What year are you going into at the beginning of the next academic year? I'm not in school. How far away does your closest family member live? I live with Mom. If you’ve seen both, did you prefer the Disney version or the Tim Burton version of Alice in Wonderland? I actually strongly prefer Tim Burton's. Would you have sex before marriage? Why or why not? Yeah. I just want to be in a long-term, serious, healthy relationship to reach that point and be as safe as possible about it. Are you more liberal or conservative? Liberal, but I do have some conservative beliefs, too. Who is your favorite Harry Potter character? I don't have one, given I never got into that franchise. What’s the worst that could come out of letting gays marry? Not a goddamn thing. What’s the most sexual thing you’ve done? Done "the thing." Name something that you are against. I'll go with an unconventional one that's a problem as of the late: making owning reptiles illegal. Why are you against it? Because reptiles are perfectly capable of being brilliant pets and, most importantly, can tame people's fears of them. I think that it's very important to see the worth and beauty in all animals, and reptiles are one of the most unappreciated families out there. :/ Have you ever played the Tomb Raider games? I played some of either the first or second one. I could never beat it. Old games are hard, man. Do you like it or hate it when your partner is clingy? I absolutely believe that it can get to an extreme that I don't like, but for the most part, I don't mind a clingy partner because hey, I am too. Beatles or Rolling Stones? Stonessss. When was the last time you changed your opinion on somebody? It'd been on my mind for a while, but I *officially* realized that I really do like-like Girt a couple days ago. And since then it's gotten a bit hardcore and all I wanna do is talk to him bc fuck me and how attached to people I get. What was the last thing that made you feel proud and why? Every single time I go to the gym, I feel proud of myself because it REALLY takes a lot out of me. Do you feel uncomfortable when people you hardly know confide in you? Nope. I'm willing to be a shoulder to cry on for like... anyone. If you're hurting, talk to someone. I'll be there as an easy option. What was the last thing to fascinate you? It was... INCREDIBLY disturbing and almost nauseating even for me, but I saw a video of a dead whale explode. It was GRUESOME. Guts just kept coming and coming and coming and :x Is there a certain noise/sound which scares you? Hmmm... I'm sure there is, but what, it's not coming to me. Sudden, loud noises are an obvious answer. Do you have a favourite microorganism? ... No, I can't say I do. Out of the people you know, whose birthday is next? Girt's, actually. It's in October. If you have pet fish do you bother to name them? I did when I actually had them as a kid. Do you keep your eggs in the fridge? Ye. Have you ever owned chickens? No, but that'd be cool. Fresh eggs from a properly cared for chicken taste SO much better. When did you last listen to music? Currently. NOW I'm obsessed with Melodicka Bros & Violet Orlandi's cover of "Somebody That I Used to Know." It's done in a gothic metal style and is amaaaazing.

[calpalirwin]

Proud of You

Request from @babylonxcaluum​ in which Ashton doesn’t recognize his sister after a few years of not seeing her. 

Word Count: ~900

And away, and away we go!

__

You and Ashton had always been close. Being three years apart would do that to siblings. So while you had been more than proud of him when he left home to make his dreams with the band come true, it had been a painful adjustment of having your brother be across the world rather than across the hall.

You had only been in high school when Ashton left home, and between you trying to live a normal teenage life, and him finding his way in the world, it came as no surprise that you rarely found time to talk to each other for longer than 10 minute phone calls here and there, much less see each other. 

You’d been watching his career closely, knowing he had a break of time coming up where he wouldn’t be traveling, and as luck would have it, you were going to have the time off as well. You sent him a text message asking for his address under the guise of sending him a surprise, and Ashton was excited, but clueless to the fact that the surprise was actually you.

There were butterflies in your stomach as the cab dropped you off in front of his house. More than one car was parked in the driveway and you wondered if he had people over, or just that many cars.

Your knuckles rapped against the door, hearing “Coming!” from inside the house and quick footsteps before the door pulled open. “Hi…” Ashton said slowly. “Can I help you?”

“Aw, it hasn’t been that long, has it?” you teased, smiling big.

Recognition flashed across his face at the sound of your voice, his grin matching yours. “Y/N!” he yelled excitedly, pulling you in for a tight hug before holding you out at arm’s length. “Wait… you’re here?! How?! What?!”

“Surprise!” you laughed.

“Holy shit… Fuck, come in. C’mon. The guys are over. You remember the guys right? Guys! Y/N’s here! Holy shit… how was your flight? Does Mum know you’re here? How long are you staying? Where are you staying? Cuz you can stay here you know. I got spare rooms.”

“Ash, slow down. You’re rambling.”

“Shit, sorry. Guys, you remember my sister.”

Calum, Luke, and Michael all looked at you from their spots on the couch, eyes wide as their minds took in the you standing before them and comparing them with how they remembered you. It was easy to say you weren’t the same 15 year old they had last seen. “Hi,” they all mumbled with blushed cheeks. 

“Hey,” you greeted back, your own cheeks slightly flushed.

“Does Mum know you’re here?” Ashton asked you again as you both took a seat.

“I mean… I told her I was thinking about coming out to see you. But no, she doesn’t know I’m here.”

“Y/N…” he said sternly.

“Ashton,” you said just as sternly. “I don’t live at home anymore. I have my own place near campus.”

“Near campus?”

“Yeah. By my university. Where I go to school. Because I’m nineteen.”

“Shit…”

“Did you forget that I grew up too?” you chuckled.

“No, I- I knew. I just… you’re not the same kid you were when I left.”

“And you’re not the same kid you were when you left either.”

“I know. I just… I mean, I see myself every day. I know I grew up. But one day I see you, and you’re still my little sister in high school and then you’re on my doorstep and you’re… this.”

“I’m still your little sister.”

“No, I know. I just…”

“He’s trying to say you got hot, Y/N,” Michael piped up.

“Hey!” Ashton punched Michael hard in the arm. “I am not!”

Calum and Luke snickered into their hands. “Yeah you are, mate. You just don’t wanna be gross about it cuz she’s your sister,” Calum said.

“Yeah, Mike was just brave enough to say it,” Luke added.

“You’re… definitely more grown up than the last time I saw you, let’s say that,” Ashton said, offering you a smile. “You look good. And it’s really good to see you. This is an awesome surprise.”

You blushed again, “Thanks… it’s good to see you guys too.”

“So, tell me. Catch me up on everything you’ve been doing.”

You shrugged, before launching into telling Ashton everything you’d been up to the last couple of years, feeling a little silly about how mundane it must all sound compared to his adventures, but he clung to your every word, pressing for more details from time to time. “And yeah… just figured it was finally time for a visit. So I’m here for a week. Staying at a hotel not too far from here.”

“Well, you can stay here if you want to, instead.”

“You don’t mind?”

“Nah, course not. I’d be happy to have you.”

“Yeah! Yeah, okay, that’d be great. Um… I guess I should go get my stuff then.”

“Yeah, let me grab my keys and I’ll drive you over, and then we can go grab dinner. I know the best place, you’re gonna love it.”

“Hey! What about us?” the guys protested.

“Well, come too, then,” you laughed at them. “More the merrier, right Ash?”

“Right,” he grinned. His arm slung around you as you walked out to his car. “Hey, Y/N, I’m really proud of you. And I’m really glad you’re here. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, Ash. And thanks. Means a lot that you’re proud of me and stuff. Don’t know why you would be though. If anything, I should be proud of you. And I am.”

“Why wouldn’t I be proud of you? I know you might think the stuff you’ve done is lame. But I still think it’s really cool that you’re chasing your own path. That takes courage no matter how it may seem in comparison to other things. And you're my sister. I’m always gonna be proud of you.”

__

Tag List

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[where-theres-smoak-2]

Julie and the Phantoms Theory

Wow so I just binged watched julie and the phantoms on netflix and this show is amazing, like really really fantastic. It is aimed at a younger audience than most of the series I watch but it really doesn’t matter, I do think this is a show that any age group can enjoy. The music in it is so so good and I’ve been listening to the songs on replay non stop. Also have two new ships I am obsessed with Juke and Willex. If you haven’t seen the show it is defo one I would recommend. However despite watching the whole season I have soo many questions that need answering and well anyone who has read any of my posts ever know how much I love to over analyse and obsess/ theorise about tv shows. The rest I am going to put under the tag because of spoilers so if you want to hear some thoeries/ analysis then read on, but I should warn you I am going to be talking about the sensitive topics of death and bereavement so only do so if you feel comfortable. 

 So one of the biggest questions I have is regarding the deaths of Alex, Luke and Reggie. Now I know that they die from eating bad street hotdogs and I know alot of the reason why they die that way is for the comedy aspect of it. I mean one of the many things this show did really well was balancing the comedy aspects with the emotional aspects. I appreciate that as the audience we are suppose to just accept this somewhat wacky death and go with it but well thats just not me and I kept wondering what exactly was wrong with the hotdogs that it actually killed them. Some things about it just don’t add up and I hate not knowing the answers so here are some theories I have, some more outlandish than others. 

Theory 1- Food Posioning (Honestly this isn’t really a theory but lets just go with it)

My first thought when I first watched it is the most obvious one which is they got food poisoning. I mean the place they got the hotdogs from didn’t look the most sanitary. However here’s the part that doesn’t add up for me and that is how quickly they died. We know from Alex’s comment to Willy in episode 8 that they were two hours away from going on stage the night they died. This means they had to have started showing symptoms within those two hours before the show which lead to the ambulance being called. In the first episode Reggie says that after they floated out of the ambulance they went to a dark room. The part that caught my attention here is the line about the ambulance as this tells us that they died in the ambulance before they ever got to the hospital. Now I don’t know how far away the hotdog place was from The Orpheum but I’m assuming it was fairly close considering how important the show was to them, I personally wouldn’t go too far from the venue if I had a big show in just a couple of hours.  According to my google search the nearest hospital to The Orpheum is Diginity Health California Hospital Medical Center. This hospital is only 5 mins away from The Orpheum, obviously I know this time would be effected by traffic amongst other factors but the point is the time between ingesting the hotdogs and them dying was relatively short. Which makes it unlikely that they died from food posioning. Whilst food poisoning can kill its very rare and usually takes a lot longer than a few hours I mean ordinarily it takes days. So the likelihood that all three of them would have been killed by food posioning that quickly is actually slim to none.

Theory 2- It was Premeditated.  

My next theory is much much darker and definitely more out there. It also depends on how dark they plan to go with Bobby/Trevor’s character. But we know that Bobby stays behind and doesn’t go for hotdog’s claiming to be a vegetarian (which was a lie), he also seems to be pretty eager for the other three to go. Now in the scene it seems like the reason for this is so he can be alone to filrt with Rose but what if Bobby had more sinister plans what if he had some hand in the boys’ deaths and had actually posioned them or arranged for them to be poisoned. Maybe he always planned to steal Luke’s songs and take all the credit, fame and money for himself. When Julie looks up Sunset Curve on her phone you can get a glimpse at the article she reads. In the article it says ‘There was a surviving band member, Bobby, but no one has been able to track him down...’ This article seems to have been written about a week after the night they died which shows that Bobby went under the radar pretty quickly after his bandmates died. Now again this could be explained away as Bobby grieving and wanting to stay out of the spotlight as he worked through that and that him stealing the songs was a more opportunistic act than him premeditating his bandmates murders. 

Another possible variant of this theory is that it was still an orchestrated death but it wasn’t Bobby who wanted the boys dead but Caleb. During that opening scene they were still alive and we know normally lifers can’t see ghosts so for all we know Caleb could have seen them perform and had decided then that he wanted them as his house band, he didn’t want to wait for them to die so he took matters into his own hands. We assume that the first time Caleb hears about the band is from Willie but there was that scene from the first episode where he bumps into Alex and to me it almost seems like he recognises the group. Also I don’t think its a coincidence that he bumps into them right outside The Orpheum. It could be that he knew they would show up as ghosts at some point and figured they would go back to The Orpheum when they did and so would sometimes patrol that area just waiting for them. It could also explain why he’s willing to let Willie skate around the streets of LA maybe he was hoping Willie would do exactly would he did and bump into one of the boys whether Willie was aware of this plan is a whole other kettle of fish I feel like most likely he wouldn’t have because I feel like he would have told them Caleb had sent him to find them when he told them about the jolts. Point is the whole thing could have been one big elaborate plan of Caleb’s to get the band for himself, his obsession with the band could have been bigger than what we were shown in the first season. 

The last variant of this theory could be a mixture of the previous two. Maybe it was an elaborate plan made by Caleb but with the help of Bobby. Maybe Bobby made a deal with the devil so to speak and in exchange for fortune and fame he gave up his bandmates. Maybe he even gave up his own soul too but he gets to live out his dream life first. We know through Willy that Caleb has made deals with lifers that are part of the Hollywood Ghost Club so it wouldn’t be much of a stretch to think he could’ve made a deal with Bobby. 

To be honest I’m not completely sold on this theory purely because the show is aimed at a younger audience and although it does cover some mature themes around death and bereavement I think murder might be a little too dark for its target audience. But then on the other hand they did have that storyline of Caleb trying to destroy the boys with those jolts so maybe I’m wrong.

Theory 3- The Car Battery. 

Ok so this theory I think is the most likely out of them all. When you think about what we know about the boys death and the timeline its that 1) They ate hot dogs that tasted bad. 2) They obviously started to show worrying symptoms that lead to somebody calling an ambulance, these symptoms showed up in under two hours. 3) They died in the ambulance before getting to the hospital (which was approx 5 mins away). Also from the sound of it they all died around the same time, as in all of them were in the ambulance it wasn’t a case of one of them died at the scene, another in the ambulance and another in the hospital. Meaning the effect time was pretty consistent, we know that they all took the first bite at the same time. So keeping all that in mind lets look at the scene again. The first thing I want to point out is that when the boys get the hot dogs they don’t show us them actually being handed the hotdogs, when we see them they already have the hotdogs and they are at the condiments adding their pickles and sauces. This in my opinion tells us that the hazard did not occur during the cooking process but at this moment when they were getting the condiments. Also we see Alex talking about how he couldn’t wait to eat someplace where the condiments weren’t in the back of a car. This scene opens by showing us said condiments and also whilst Alex is talking focusing in on the car battery. Right after his comment about the condiments Alex goes up to the seller and apologises for getting pickle juice on his battery cables once again this draws attention to the battery and its close proximity to the food. The seller just laughs it off stating that maybe it will help with the rust. This seems like a throw away comment but it could actually be a big clue into what happened to the boys. This tells us that not only is the battery near the food but its rusting and in a bad condition and if its in a poor condition it could be leaking. Ok so why is this important to how the boys died? Well because car batteries have sulfuric acid in them. I said before that the whole food poisoning thing didn’t add up for me because generally speaking when things go wrong during the cooking process such as something being undercooked or unclean, it doesn’t tend to kill you and in the rare circumstances if it does it usually takes days to weeks; but the chances of surviving food posioning are very high. However if someone were to ingest sulfuric acid even a couple of drops could be fatal. For examble if there was any sulfuric acid in the bottom of the trunk it could have gotton onto the utensils they used or onto the bottom of the sauce bottles which could then have tranferred over to the food. 

Also sulfuric acid usually kills a person within a few hours and can start having an effect on the body pretty much immediately. The mortality rate of sulfuric acid poisoning is very high the survival rate is only around 35% which would make it much more likely that not only did they all die but that the all died around the same time after exposure. The reason why it can kill so quickly is because it can effect the airways. Also the comment the seller made about the rust could have another possible explanation because whilst a leaking battery could have contaminated the food, sulfuric acid can also be found in some anti rust treatments. So if the seller was trying to treat the rust on the battery without removing the condiments from the trunk then that too could have created an opportunity for the food to become contaminated with sulfuric acid. 

So yeah this is my best guess at how the boys died, they accidently ingested sulfuric acid that had contaminated the condiments that had been stored next to a rusted car battery. It’s tragic and more tragic than that is that although it can only take a few drops obviously the less posion a person ingests the more chance they have at surviving. We know that even though the first bite tasted weird they continued to eat the hotdogs but if they had stopped after that first bite they might have actually survived. Obviously I’m not an expert on any of this so I could be totally wrong but to me this is what makes the most sense. 

Anyway what theories do you guys have? Also what questions are you hoping to get answered if we get a season 2 (we better get a season 2 or I’m gonna be real mad)?