#i am so mad i cant even have Good soup. cuz i need it to be purely liquid.

[notquiteaghost]

as someone who frequently doesnt eat real food for days due to the eating disorder. i might literally have a meltdown abt being unable to eat real food cuz my throat is too swollen to swallow anything. i WANT to eat. do you know how rare that is!!!!

[strawberry-lemonade]

Funniest things I’ve said(in my opinion):

to my dad:

-that’s some.. ✨spicy✨ depression u got there

-*in response to “im looking for something straight”* u sure u got the right person for that??

-what the mcfudge-nuggets is a city tiddy and why does that name exist

-if i ask to borrow something, first of all I’m not asking, and second of all it’s not borrowing, cuz ur never getting it back

-*ahem* holy hexagon i thought u were a good driver what was that??

-that wasnt very gucci flipflops of you! u mad bro???

-father i require the cotton things^ from the big magic box*. the blood monster• hath returned. (^pads, *store, •period)

-i did a thing that i did not need to do which means that the other thing that i do need to do has not been thinged however i would like to do another thing so i will do that thing and continue to not do the original thing that needs to be thinged.

to my brothers:

-what the mcfuck is up you mcfucking whore

-add me back bitch

-*in response to “ur younger than me don’t ‘awe’ me”* id advise u to not get your hopes up

-one day im gonna get married to a tree for tax benefits and im gonna forcefully make you my maid of honor 💕

-u gucci????????

-i dont think dad made a very good choice in leaving the two of us home alone...

(my brother and i are the problem children and if i weren’t so good at covering tracks we both would probably be grounded for life.)

-are you stupid? like,, are you actually stupid??? That is the worst idea ever so obviously we are going to do it but know that you are a fucking idiot

-*somehow becomes my little brother’s official curser????*

(like he’ll be singing a song that i know and just before he gets to the part that says the f word he cuts off and looks to me and I’ll say ‘FUCK’ for him)

to my sisters:

-i know you’re straight and dont like girls but im bi and we have almost nothing in common and we need something to talk about so we’re gonna act like stereotypical high school girls and talk about boys all night.

-is this what being a >white< teenager is like??? We get to legally do illegal things because no one actually gives enough fucks to reprimand us for things that endanger both us and those around us????

-i think I’ll have another existential crisis, that sounds nice right now.

-jesus christ i think I’m normal now... that’s disgusting someone come drop me on my head again, i need another 14 years of trauma induced weird habits that freak my family out but impress my online friends

-jesus fucking christ i think I’ve fallen in love with more inanimate objects this is becoming an obsession do i need a doctor

to my friends:

-it gets ✨spicy✨

-Hello I See That You Have Followed Me And I Would Like To Ask If You Are Alright

-im in the middle of a pickup line battle with my friend and hes beating me 😭😭

-still got the pronouns right bitch (used they/them)

-okay i have ten bad ideas you have to fucking elaborate

-besides i wanna fight kids about whether cereal is soup

-DO YOU HAVE FRIENDS -yes- for some reason I don’t believe you

-I Mean My Father Just Pulled A Batman And Adopted Someone Because They Have My Brother’s Old Number

-i have been murdered -oh no- no it’s great life has no meaning anyways

-i defied the laws of physics *i just took a picture*

-do u wanna homo today

-oh good job on sleeping

-good night my yes homo bro

-jake peralta killed me T-T

-hey jay can i have a kiss? .. no homo tho

-hey wally u want in on the homo?

-jay come over here we need to homo

-*starts fake-dating someone that is literally named ketchup after fake-dramatically breaking up with s/o*

-As you can see, my detective skills are far superior to all of you.

-jay stop following me I’m breaking up with u

-As Drake would say, Peace in, you fucks.

-*brother dies* Ah. Peace has come to me once more.

-Did you have to kill him? Was my grandfather not enough for you?

-you murder-whore

-this is why i love you, you don’t discourage my homicidal tendencies

-hello i exist. I am not okay with it

-are you telling me not to stab someone right now because first of all how did you know and second of all why not

-fOUR DAYS_ that’s longer than I’ve been alive!!

-I’m gonna gay

-i just watched the music video for bang bang and no one can convince me that anyone in that video is heterosexual

-im a fucking narwhal

-they exist. I am legally required to pull a batman

-yA KNOW WHY HANDS ARE SO FUCKING SEXY TO ME?? I CANT DRAW THEM. AND I AM IN CRISIS

-why the frick frack knick knack slip slap mc mac and cheese are you so bad at taking care of yourself

-so anyways merry crisis eve eve

-and then i checked and was sorely disappointed that i dont annoy you but aNYWAYS

-*ostrich noises intensify*

-excuse me since when the fuck do i have a life

-*t-poses* AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

-even pieces of trash need to breath tho so stop making me wheeze pls

-my dude i have nOODLE ARMS_ why do u think I’m noodle jr

-ur right! I make the rules and the rules are no rules except for one rule that’s not necessarily a rule but its still in the rule book of nonexistent rules to follow bc they’re rules and rules are rules my dude