#i am so fucking sleep deprived bc this has insane hours

[bylertruther]

so like. i started going through the transcripts bc i wanted to pull out Evidence From The Text to back my shit up like always, right? and like. .... ..... ... . . . dude. season four is so fucking LONG and filled with SO DAMN MUCH that it goes in one ear and out the other, but when you sit down and read that shit? jesus fucking christ lmao. my guys brenner and one literally are telling us the plot to season five like there's no wayyyyyyyyy bro lmaoooo this shit really got me sweating n pacing around the room like . It's Literally Right There it's not a hidden message it's not a tiny detail in the background They're Telling Us What Is Going To Happen. specifically brenner because brenner is the one that could not stop, brenner is the one that could not let go, brenner is the one who tipped over the first domino. brenner is telling us the ending to this story because he's the one that wrote it. not even. brenner is our cassandra he's telling us I Know What Is Going To Happen and exactly how but no one listens to him he tells us exactly how act one is going to end and he was right. he knows the beginning to this story and its middle and he foresees the end but he dies before he can change it and so it's up to our heroes to pick up the pen and fix his mistakes. like. grabs ur shoulders. Brother I Am Having Realizations Here

[pepprs]

im discontent and tired but like too discontent and tired to put it into words i think. lol

[kneelingshadowsalome]

i love your works and your toxic könig so much 😭 for some reason in my head könig was always like a puppy in love even outside of aus but i like to imagine him like this sometimes.

basically if he feels abandoned bc you were busy with something else (literally taking a shower for like 10 minutes or not looking at him while he was talking) he will start crying and needs you to kiss him a bunch of times and tell him he's your favourite boy baby husband man boyfriend sweetheart for like an hour lol. he literally can't stand it if he can't touch you or talk to you for long periods of time (let's say the reader is a civilian and könig often has missions he has to leave for). he literally goes insane and keeps rereading those screenshots of loving messages from you he has an entire folder on his phone for, literally he convinced himself that you've already left him for someone else and is now going to be crying himself to sleep.

when he does return he's literally scared, so it feels like you attached him to yourself physically and that's why he never leaves your side. always holding hands, könig always being there even if your have to move around the house a lot or do the most mundane tasks even if he himself has chores or things he needs to do. kind of creepy bc he's just silent but feels like he'll die if you disappear from his line of sight for more than two seconds.

even aside from that listening to you talk fondly of someone, anyone really: a friend (if he lets you have them), a random cashier (if he wasn't there with you to talk to them instead of you), a relative (if he even allows you to talk to your family) he's so!!! like hurt and upset and goes quiet for long periods of time.

like eyes red from crying, nose stuffed and he's like "i'm fine nothing is wrong" then goes back to crying somewhere more private.

and this kind of behaviour makes sex kind of uncomfortable Sometimes. he often needs you to repeat that you're his, only his, you can't look away from him, you HAVE to be holding his hand when he fucks you but somehow it's a 50/50 when it comes to power dynamics.

either he manhandles you and shows you that he's the only man, the only person you could ever need or love and that he won't ever let you leave him; or he's completely subby, like "please hold my face and kiss me while you're riding me for as long as you want, i'm only yours and i wanna show that" kind of way.

i am insane basically thank you for coming to my ted talk.

This was one of the best Ted talks I've ever been to! I loved every word, every second of it!! 🥳🥹 My god, I want more... I need me some encore now.

I love subby König, holy Christ. And tbh... what's beneath the toxic, crazy killing machine König is someone who is horribly, and I mean HORRIBLY love-deprived and touch-starved and super duper insecure. Which means there's bound to be some subby behavior leaking through toxic König too!

König would so need to have you on his sights at all times. And when he's working, it's annoying because... he loves his work but now he's just thinking about you. What are you doing at this very moment..? Have you talked to someone today? A friend, a colleague, a family member? A stranger??

Do you sleep ok without him (because he doesn't, he just tosses and turns in his bunk/cot/the ground all night when you're not there), and why haven't you sent a text today? He's gonna call you as soon as he gets somewhere more private.

The longer the mission lasts, the more sullen and broody he gets. After a few days, he kills his enemies with a thousand yard stare only because they're basically what's between him and his squeeze.

And yes he has to touch you like a thousand times a day or just watch your every move when he finally gets home. If you're in the bathroom too long he comes to knock on the door and ask if everything's alright (you ran there to have a moment's peace from this big cuddly behemoth who looks at you with that creepy batless obsessive stare... frankly it's disturbing)

And oh my god stop – holding hands during sex? Oh my god. Imagine him bordering on being rough (because he's *missed* you goddammit 👿) while wanting to entwine your fingers together✨️. Toxic König is a huge romantic, even if the "romantic" things he does are a bit... questionable. And he wouldn't shut up during the first round after he got home!

"Say that you missed me,"

"Tell me you're mine... Say it. Now,"

"You're always teasing me,"

would be some of the things he'd say during pounding you to his heart's content. (And you wouldn't even know how you've "teased" him this time... Like... He's the one who left for a week long mission...? 🤨)

After sex he would be so much gentler, but no less demanding and whiny. He needs so much validation and gets odd and grumpy if you don't give him some. If you'd try to domme him though, he would become even more unbearable (being a sub is this man's secret fantasy but he doesn't even know it himself).

[anachronistic-falsehood]

OK NOW THAT YOUVE OFFICIALLY FINISHED HANNIBAL I CAN TELL YOU MY MASON VERGER STORY. OH MY GOD. so . back when i first watched hannibal i was liveblogging my experience over discord chats with aster since shes the one who recommended it to me . ok. and this was myyyy senior year of college so i was ENTRENCHED in marine biology type courses ok. i specifically had a class on aquarium exhibit design and i was going a little bit insane abt it because my professor sucked. anyway. i an rambling. so i see mason vergers motherfucking eel tank and i go NUTS about it.

THAT THING IS SO GODDAMN EMPTY. EELS NEED SHIT TO HIDE IN AND HE IS KEEPING THEM IN THE AQUARIUM EQUIVALENT OF A CEMENT BRICK. oh it made me so mad. notice the timestamp too this was like. near-midnight sleep deprived madness. theres like a whole rant about enrichment along with this that im not including bc it spanned the course of like 3 hours.

AND THEN . HE FUCKING GOT EATEN BY THE EELS. AND I FELT THE STRONGEST DAMN SENSE OF RETRIBUTION EVER SPECIFICALLT BECAUSE ONE OF THE EELS GOES INTO HIS MOUTH. I WAS LIKE . THATS WHAT YOU GET BITCH. you become the hide hole for them now.

now you think this would be the end of my insanity. you underestimate my power. that goddamn eel tank lived in my head RENT FREE and it makes me SO MAD every single time i rewatch hannibal. and aster has to suffer because i bring it up so much bc i think its hilarious

<< these are from my second hannibal rewatch which i think is hilarious because its almost exactly a year after i finished watching it yhr first time. i swear i didnt do that on purpose but its REALLY funny

also at my last job we had a moray eel and we would regularly dive in the tank with her so i got a lot of Real Actual Eel Welfare experience so every once in a while id just say shit like this

anyway. thats the eel saga . every day i am thinking about mason vergers eel tank and the fact that his death is so fucking perfect to me specifically for this insane reason . eel retribution forever

OH MY GOD. MAC THAT IS HILARIOUS. OF COURSE U WOULD GO INSANE OVER AN EEL TANK THIS IS SO MAC CORE!!! i may not be a marine biologist but i knew those little guys were not being kept in a proper tank and it was killing me and i also felt sooooo fucking happy over his death like FUCK YES. FUCK YES. KILL HIM. GET FUCKED BOY!!!!!! i was so happy 2 see him dead. holding ur hand rn mac we both hate mason verger and loved seeing him get murdered by his sad mistreated eels <3 EEL RETRIBUTION FOREVER!!!!!!

[nineliabilityrisk]

considerably long sleep deprived blog management ramblings (+ question that i would appreciate input on) below the cut. apologies if i sound a little insane ive been up for almost 24 hours because my brain is going too fast to let me sleep (the downsides of being autistic and fixating on your own fucking five nights at freddys roleplay blog)

ive been trying to keep this blog mainly canon characters bc thats just. easier overall (dont have to explain every little thing abt them) but like. hhhfgh. i love the character dynamics the muses that i have offer me but like. they have very very concrete roles in the story. they have their Places.

now, i very much enjoy these roles. i enjoy playing them, i enjoy planning things to do with them and developing on them and i very much enjoy the way the people i play them WITH add to the dynamics on their end and add their own insight on my characters as my interpretations are not fully formed and likely never will be. yall r great im so happy to have found you guys.

but also. i have a very specific set of characters. other than the animatronics, i have the afton boys, cassie, and jeremy fitzgerald. and this specific set of characters are all very restrictive in a very specific way.

michael is. the human punching bag. this blog has just turned into me bullying him and like. not that im complaining, i just wasnt expecting the muse for him to hit me that hard. he has taken over this blog and that was not what i had planned. the thing with him is: nine times out of ten, when he is interacting with someone else, he is not a participant in a conversation. he is a target. that is just due to the nature of how his life is. he is the protagonist of a franchise of survival horror games. other than a few select family members and maybe like. henry, charlie, and jeremy, he doesnt have positive relationships with anyone. which means he is a GREAT source of angst or conflict, which i love to write, but it also means he doesnt provide many other forms of interaction. he may have a few soft moments here and there, with his mother or with henry, taking care of him and giving him reprieve from his father, but... thats about It. unless he finds some new friends, he doesnt do lighthearted, funny social interactions, and i highly doubt my michael will find any romantic partners for a long time. he is great at what he does. i just need to find balance between him and my other muses because i dont want my blog to be me just beating this poor guy up 24/7. thats just cruel.

evan - only really knows his parents, siblings, and maybe charlie. hes a baby. probably wasnt any older than five or sixish when the bite happened. very very good for soft, comforting moments. unfortunately , incredibly limited in who he could reasonably interact with. i mean, feel free to prove me wrong, but im coming up with a blank here.

cassie - also a child. would be good for more psychological horror type threads like how ruin was, but i do not feel comfortable putting her in real physical danger. mainly, just like evan, she is a muse i want to keep safe and comfortable, no matter how much it disregards canon. i am very very touchy around my younger child muses, for obvious reasons. yes, i am aware this is the Child Murder Franchise. no, i am not going to let you Child Murder my fucking elementary schoolers. full stop. also, moving on from that, likely wont get much interaction outside of security breach muses or muses with sb verses. once again, constricting.

and then theres jeremy. lets be real here. he has no canon connections to anyone. hes the only one with any actual connection to the fnaf 2 location, and thats just about all we know about him. obviously, hes basically an oc already. my jeremy is close to michaels age, so hes not gonna be involved with just about anyone else - hes just fucking here, basically. just SITTING here. hes my favorite child i wanna play him so bad im here waving him frantically at passersby hoping for interaction but its no use because theres nothing to work off of to START interactions. that is nobodys fault but mine. my dumb ass got attached to Background Character #43 and now i cant let him go. hes the abandoned doll collecting dust on the corner of the shelf because nobody plays with him. he barely exists.

BASICALLY, all of that mess was to say that i need to diversify my roster - i need a muse that i can throw at whoever i want. no pre-existing canon connections to anyone to complicate things, no timeline constraints until we possibly build one of our own, just, fucking. Miscellaneous Fazbear Entertainment Employee #4067 that i can put in Situations.

if i actually went through with making a fnaf muse like that, would anyone be interested in interacting with him or would i just be making a guy in my brain and then putting him on the shelf next to jeremy?? genuine question please help.

[yanderepuck]

Okay, I fell asleep because my body is being weird again, but I am here to send you the vampire lady and himbo king asks ✨

How do they, like, actually get together? You've talked about how they meet but what about the development of feelings and confession? Also first date?

What does each one like the most about the other and is there anything they particularly hate?

Who hogs the blankets?

How would either one react if the other was in danger? Considering they're both vampires, imagine it's like a mage or a vampire hunter? Like, who's more likely to go batshit insane over it?

So after Nicoleta explaining that she's a vampire, and Radu bluntly saying he's the King, he takes her to the castle. He ends up having a lot of questions for her, like...A LOT. So she ends up staying for a few days. Nicoleta is more or less 450 at the time, and Radu isn't even 200, and since he's never met another vampire this is his time to learn about things.

Radu is more like a giddy little school girl like "omg another vampire"

Meanwhile Nicoleta is like "how are you this dumb"

Basically Nicoleta stays to teach him things, and ends up taking some responsibilities without him even asking. Since Radu can't be in the sun, it has made the political part of his job difficult bc of people coming to get help, or nobles coming to just simply complaining about how he runs things, aka lack of running things. Which is why they bother him so much at parties, aka why he hates going to parties.

So the next time someone stops by Nicoleta comes to greet them. Being 18th century, no man is going to listen to a woman, but she's like "Nope, I'm here to help you out, King Fey is busy" so very quickly she becomes the face, because she can even go out and into the city.

For some time Radu doesn't even realize she's doing this, and wonders why he isn't getting harassed as much from others about needing to get things done.

Nicoleta bluntly tells him that she took over some of this duties during the day, and part of his is like "you did fucking what??" because he wants to run the country a certain way, but she seemed to grasp onto his ideals fairly quickly.

I wouldn't say they've really ever gone out on a date, but they go to parties together. At first their sleeping schedules were opposite and they only over lapped by a few hours. But eventually Nicoleta just started pulling all nighers to be with him more. But it was Radu who said "I love you" first.

Because of their sleep schedules, they ended up just sleeping in the same bed, plus Nicoleta has been touched deprived and wanted some cuddles.

Nicoleta is simply half laying on Radu with an arm around him, one leg between his, and he has an arm around her and playing with her hair, both are half asleep and he tells her that he loves her and she's like "wait...what" and he goes "I said: I love you" and gives her forehead kisses.

Nicoleta has never been in love, or hasn't been for a few 100 years, so she gets all warm and giddy inside and snuggles into him.

~

Radu Loves how assertive she is. He's like "whoa...strong woman" But because she is so much older she calls him a lil baby. Radu is like "I'm almost 200!!" and Nicoleta is like "yeah, and I'm almost 500" So he does get a little irritated that she does have more experience, and she will point it out. But honestly, Radu is a little gullible because he doesn't have much real world experience. He almost never leaves the castle and he became King when he was 25

While Radu is doing paper work, Nicoleta likes to be behind him and braid his hair. He finds it very soothing, sometimes too soothing and falls asleep while in the middle of writing. Once he's asleep its almost impossible to get him to wake up.

Even though Radu is the King, Nicoleta managed to whip him, and she didn't even mean to. He's just head over heels for her and would do anything for her. Nicoleta would do the same. She doesn't show it as much as he does though, she's not quite sure how to. So sometimes it may seem like she is ignoring him when he's telling her how much he loves her, but in reality she just doesn't show her feelings as well. She'd rather do things for him, or even get him things, but with him being a King...he sorta has everything he needs/wants.

Also, Radu def hogs the blankets. He's always cold. He could be standing in a fire and he'd be cold, so he's always wrapped up in a fur cape.

~

Okay. So after being together for only two decades, a war breaks out and Radu insists on not being like a normal King and staying behind, he wants to lead the fight. Nicoleta insists on going with him, because she is well worth over 200 soldiers, but she can't go. Someone still has to watch over everything, and plus he can't risk anyone finding out about them being vampires, her being so strong will end up being suspicious.

Well three years come and go and Nicoleta hasn't heard anything from Radu or anyone else in the war. Then one evening a rival army comes and attacks the city, basically burning it to the ground and killing everyone. Some of the soldiers from said army break into the castle to come kill Nicoleta.

They tell her that they killed Radu and she goes absolutely berserk. She ends up killing them with not much of a struggle and ends up leaving the castle.

HOWEVER. Radu is not dead. After some time he had to tell his men what he really was if this was going to go smoothly. He couldn't move forward during the day, but he still insisted in going forward. But, during the day the camp gets ambushed, which is odd, normally it would be at night, but it must be because someone on the other side knows he can't do anything. Radu ends up getting trapped and nailed shut in a box. They made sure to use just enough silver to weaken him so he couldn't just break the box open. The box is then buried in a tunnel wall, covering it up with bricks, and now that I'm saying this I'm realizing it is very similar to "The Cask of the Amontillado" and that one scene in "Interview with the Vampire".

Radu ends up being stuck in the earth until WWI, when he finally hears someone in the tunnels and starts yelling for help. Nicoleta was looking for him for years. She knew he wasn't dead. They said they cut off his head, so she insisted on seeing his head before she would believe it.

So she went back to her home in Rome, meanwhile Radu really wasn't too far away, he was in Tuscany. But right before WWII they ended up finding each other again in Paris. BUT they ended up getting separated again during WWII, because of all the bombings and raids, Radu had to stay somewhere until the sun went down, but things got so bad that he made Nicoleta leave him so that she'd be safe. Luckily this time, Radu knew where her home in Rome was and when he was able to went there and hoped she made it.

~

Fun fact!! By staying with Radu in Prussia, she had to agree to not eat/kill/attack any humans. It wasn't until Radu was finally free from the wall that he finally drank blood from a human.

[lesbianmagicat]

Okay all joke posts aside, long, sleep deprived rant incoming. If I wake up in two hours and this has notes I’m going to come for every last one of you but whatever,

This season is an insane turning point. On principle I generally refuse to compare media to Avatar: The Last Airbender but right now my sleep addled mind is having a hard time explaining its points without referencing it and the fall of Ba Sing Se in particular. This season felt like if Avatar waited until season 2 to introduce the fire nation as a concept. We finally have the real villain. We know what’s going to be the biggest problem moving forward and I’m so beyond ready to deal with that and I can’t WAIT but we also need to stop and unpack what’s happening with our heroes and antiheroes at the moment, wrt Adora and Catra specifically bc who the fuck do you think I am?

Side note, Mara is gorgeous. I’m in love with her. I needed to get that off my chest.

Anyway, this season finale is an insane turning point. Catra was offered an ultimatum: “Honor” and the CHANCE of recognition she’s craved all her life from a true authority figure (no matter how abusive) or love that is borderline unconditional no matter how many times she spits in its face. Catra was offered an olive branch. In a fit of absolute rage and panic and calculated cruelty, the NEED to make Adora hurt the way she has hurt, she chose the sword instead. Does this... Does this feel familiar?

Side note two, Catra tries to goad Hordak into killing her. Catra lets go when Adora tries to save her from the crumbling universe, and activates the portal under the assumption it will kill all of them. She goads Shadow Weaver into nearly killing her on purpose. She is suicidal and frantically seeking a quick and painless death. I LITERALLT don’t have time to unpack this right now because thinking about it too long turns me into a puddle of ooze with catgirl mania.

I keep getting distracted bc it’s 6AM but this is a turning point. I would like to think Catra has made her final wrong decision. Seeing rage in Adora’s eyes for the first time instead of pity or longing startled the crap out of her, and it’s apparent in the few frames before she slips away. They look at each other differently. The games are over. There’s no room for playing them (“you’re not children anymore”) and Catra has pushed Adora to the point where her love is FINALLY conditional. Adora finally feels the full sting of betrayal because even after doing everything she possibly can, Catra chooses death over a world where Adora wins. That is literally a nightmare for both of them, Catra the survival driven person she is and Adora the loving one. Fuck, Noelle. God. Anyway.

Catra will get to bask in the glory of her final fuckup allowing horde prime to find Etheria, for a little while. Until it becomes clear that horde prime has no place for her, or ANY Etherian- Hordak is NOT his brother. He is soft and arguably just as weak and broken as Catra herself. He went easy on her, all things considered. Horde Prime... Won’t. At this point, Catra will have to make a choice. Work towards her own destruction with Horde Prime and see the wildly suicidal ideation of this season to fruition, or forge her own path, figure out who she is, and finally MAKE herself some ground to stand on of her own volition so she can make her first real choice not influenced by anyone or anything.

That choice will finally be Adora.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. In conclusion:

[beabaseball]

this is a delirious 11pm post for Adults Only guys

Leave this space, child!

...

...

...

...y’all teenagers are going to be tweaked out of their goddamn minds.

Like, not necessarily in the drugged way, though some maybe yes in the drugged way, but like. Specifically in the non-drug way, they’re going to be snippy, and inattentive, and self centered. And that’s probably fine.

Like. Of course teens are self-centered, their bodies are doing weird shit for the first time and people keep making jokes they don’t understand yet, and some of these fuckers haven’t been given sex ed so they don’t even know what’s coming.

The younger teens have just emerged from the child form that has only just started being able to comprehend a larger world. In elementary school, sure I was reading time magazine for kids and we prayed for people who were being reported (religious school; recent tsunami, it happens) and when I was in 1st or 2nd grade we heard rumors that once upon a time women weren’t allowed to do the same stuff as men, but like— you can feel those things, but it’s not really something that you comprehend unless it’s right then a part of your life. I remember the first time I really ‘got’ sexism was in ninth grade in a gym class of 24 boys to 3 + me girls, and I wrote bad poetry about it in my phone for like three months trying to process it.

When I was like 16 our car broke down midway to school and we had to call my dorm parent to come drive me the next 5 mins, and so he’s in a bad mood bc he has to pick me up, and mom is in a bad mood bc car she gets a feeling dorm parent didn’t believe her when she said the car broke down, and it’s like 80 out but more importantly the humidity is a swamp, and I just remember being in his car driving the rest of the way to school and he’s complaining about sunburns bc he’s super pale and Irish, but he’s trying to talk so I kind of say “huh well i’ve never gotten a sunburn. I tan real fast and then go inside and I’m white again.”

and even in the moment I remember being like “that’s not really what he wanted to hear” and I think he even made a face, but I was too out of it and hot and tired to really do anything passed that. And I do feel kind of bad about it? Like, I did not mean to demean his pain of sunburns and I know also that at the time he was having A Rough Time with his marriage, to the point where he had us doing religious plays about parenthood for three seasons straight.

But also, I was a teenager. And looking back I can’t exactly blame my past self for just kinda... saying some words and feeling bad the rest of the car ride but also too tired to care. Theater teacher man wasn’t a bad guy; we were definitely not good at reading each other and he thought musicals sucked, but he also was the one who comforted me out of a panic attack when we had a tornado warning and I ended up convinced my daystudent friend was going to die.

Because that’s what I cared about at the time. Me-related things. Yes, tornado, but I am worried about one (1) person, and that mattered to me. I stayed behind when we got an actual sex-ed person in 7th grade because I was scared that reading yaoi would send me to hell. I had a breakdown in front of my history professor because one of my friends was discovering her gender identity and I was scared I was ‘losing her’ (you know the words!)

Now, someone comes out to me or someone doesn’t understand a term and I’m over here like “yea which definition u wanna use” but back then I was a kid and I had never experienced anything like this before, my hormones were wild—which didn’t mean I was horny and wanted boyfriend, it meant I was in constant fear of bleeding through things and every now and then I would wake up and my body would be in surprise unknowable pain (aka I was finally big enough to cut off my own circulation in my sleep and also growing pains)

Now, I’ve got a lot of that under control. When I wake up with a body in pain I usually know why and probably it is my fault actually. I know a bit better how to get through days when I’m too hot, or too groggy, or just dissociation or mad. (The trick is: say aloud, “sorry if I’m not responding much, I’m just really hot/groggy/out of it/still upset about that.” )

That’s not something a lot of teens have down yet. I saw a kid with a naruto shirt on at work once and I said “hey naruto” and he looked at me like he’d seen the face of god, he was so surprised someone knew what naruto was. To someone even MILDLY in my age range, the idea of not knowing who Naruto is is preposterous. But this was like, 12-15 year old at the most. Not hit his growth spurt yet. Just absolutely blindsided that there was an outside world which recognized something he liked, which I’m gonna wildly guess his parents probably aren’t into or don’t talk about it with him, because the thought of talking Naruto with your kid is horrifying.

Obviously, thinking other people don’t know about naruto is a similar kind of self-centered thought along the lines of “I bet thigh chick isn’t a REAL fan of x” or “EVERYONE has an opinion on me and there is no in between” where like the world... sort of revolves around you.

And like, once that person grows up if they keep that sort of self-focus, that’s usually the time you start trying to ditch them, but even older teens are still just coming out of that larval childhood state. They know a lot more about the world than we probably did at their age—I know a lot of them aren’t having the same existential crisis over their friends’ gender like I did, which is a big ol step— but there are still days that it’s going to be too much new shit to deal with, plus whatever else is happening inside them personally. And it’ll take a while to learn how to handle that.

In the meantime, they might be snappish, or out of it, or just kind of give up and have a ‘fuck it’ attitude sometimes, and it drives a lot of adults just goddamn insane it seems, according to all the mildly aggressive parents at work, trying to get kids who don’t want to be there to give the right reactions. It’s probably not even anything personal to the event that’s making them unhappy. One time I talked to a kid who was crying, and when I got her to tell me what was bothering her, it turned out that some people on her family reunion were mean to her. Nothing about the immediate ‘now’, just a lot of emotion that needed to go somewhere, and that somewhere ended up being crying, and it was not at all about respect or disrespect or anything related to us. Probably most of what was needed was to talk about it (success) and take a long nap.

The first time I remember having a meltdown with a ‘trigger’ like that, I was in 5th grade and my first assignment was something like “what did you do over summer” so I lost my entire shit and cried on the couch for an hour. Passed out, slept til 7, woke up and was fed soup, and have no idea if I finished that paper but presumably I did because I remember a nap and food working.

I would keep having these homework meltdowns periodically, and I don’t know when they stopped, but I had at least one, maybe two, in my first year of college.

And eventually I’ve just kinda.... stopped having them. Stress about a big project wasn’t something that bothered me anymore. You just did it one step at a time, and when you started thinking “maybe I’ll do it in the morning”, you immediately go to bed because you’ve already lost the fight and even if you don’t do it in the morning at least you won’t face it sleep deprived.

It takes time and living to get these experiences, and while one kid might not have the same issues with school work I had, maybe something else just knocks them on their ass every time (same) and it is just. Literally something you need to live through a couple times before you know how to deal with it. You can provide Blank Slate Alien Person with all the mental health tips and anecdotal advice and chamomile tea as you want, but the first couple times they face stress, none of those tips help if they don’t know how to implement them.

If you’ve ever assembled something by instructions and ended up building it upside down—it’s easier to build it again once you’ve gotten mad and undone it and started again. Because you’ve practiced. You already had the instructions, but now you have the experience of building it already, even if the result wasn’t the one you wanted.

Teens are learning a) how to read instructions, and b) that their assembly is probably upside down. and in the meantime, the world is also bonkers wild right now.

When they have that moment of rage, or giving up, or aloofness upon finding shit got built upside down— just. Let them.

You don’t have to ‘fix’ it or ‘fix’ them for having these emotions, or lack of them.

These are normal reactions. They make sense. All I’m asking is that we understand it’s going to happen. These emotions are going to happen.

Don’t let yourself justify being mean to kids and teens by telling yourself they’re being disrespectful. The world and their lives and emotions also don’t revolve around you. It’s not always a rebellion or reason to fight when things get too high strung to hold total control of.

That doesn’t mean ignore them. I was maybe 12 or 13, and it was 90 on a metal ship, and i was wearing an under shirt because i didn’t have a bra, so two layers of clothes on a hot metal ship, on my period— and all I remember is asking my dad to let us sit down and eat some lunch, because i was dizzy and dehydrated, and all he just kept saying we would do it once he saw the tour. I have no idea how long it was but I probably could’ve cried and been called moody or uncooperative.

Life is difficult. Especially for people who aren’t yet in control of their situations. Who are still bursting out with emotions they can’t otherwise articulate.

Be kind to that.

[heartbeatsonthehighline]

Since my concentration for anything not @taylorswift related is shot right now, I present: a list of all the fucking clues and Easter eggs we still know nothing about:

The story of us being left with its original art on Spotify. If it was just because it was 4 minutes and 26 seconds long I am legitimately scared for us.

Why la vie en Rose is playing at the beginning of ME! MV

What the fuck is up with the roses everywhere

See also: what the fuck is up with the daisies everywhere

Why the fuck is THE FRENCH LANGUAGE important

Why is the clock set to 8:30

Who were the lame guys with umbrellas? The Dixie Chicks? Taylor?

Why does her hair keep changing colors?

Why has her hair STOPPED changing colors.

Did she cut her hair?

What is TS7’s official hairstyle

Why am I still calling it TS7

The significance of Benjamin Buttons adorable little name and why she kept it a secret

Where is the mural?

What did the rest of the mural mean?

Does Olivia get along with Benjamin?

Have kitty alliances formed?

Did kaleidoscope ever mean anything or does Taylor just really like that word

Is kaleidoscope the name of TS8

Why all the home references

Why is there a Christmas tree in the summer

What were those cloud shadows doing

Why does Taylor’s shadow turn into speak now era Taylor

Is there a drake collab

Is there a Troy collab

Is there a Selena collab

Is there a Katy collab

Is there king princess collab

Will Taylor ever be a judge on drag race

Why does the unicorn have a blue eye

Why don’t we all realize it’s not a unicorn it’s a pegacorn

Why was the snake half blind

Why was the getaway car video backward

Why does Taylor move her hands counter clockwise in the briefcase scene

Is TS7 really the original TS6

Why is Taylor wearing palm trees in the background of the plane scene at the end of the LWYMMD MV

Just in general, what’s up with the palm trees tay?

Why is the sky cracking in ME!

Why was there a giant moth/butterfly prop stage during KOMH on tour

Is the lovers shirt tay wore during the tour video merch

There were five holes in the fence

Who is Brute

Why did glass cage Taylor’s eyes spark up at the end of ...ready for it MV

What was the meaning of the door code

What did the character on the yacht mean in End Game

Why did the endgame MV not get the respect it deserved

Why is Brendan fighting magic paint rain

Why are there two rainbows going opposite directions in ME!

Why are there two St Paul’s (one in the cocoon or w/e and one outside)

Does ME! take place in a mirror world that she only leaves to go perform?

Why does a witch fly up the rainbow

Do the scenes in ME! represent different eras

Has Taylor ever accidentally sang “you’re the only one of me, I’m the only one of you”???

While we’re at it, are we out of the woods yet?

Why wasn’t Getaway Car a single

Why wasn’t Dont Blame Me a single

Why don’t people give Dancing With Our Hands Tied the respect it deserves

Why won’t taylor give us a list of her favorite books I’ve only been begging for years

Are the fox slippers an Easter egg

Why is one painting oval

Why are all the band members angels in the 60s scene

Is angels a single

Is home a single

Does Taylor ever have time to sleep with her busy schedule of making evil genius mastermind puzzles for us to go slowly insane over

Why does Taylor go back inside the house at the end of ME!

Is the cloud room in ME! the throne room from LWYMMD?

Why is there a Cartier jewelry book in ME!

Why does the butterfly keep running into the glass at the beginning

The butterflies keep escaping/flying out of the holes in the cocoon, where are they going

Is Taylor Swift a butterfly

What’s up with the mermaid references

Is Taylor Swift also a mermaid

What was up with the pink and blue smoke in the getaway car vid

Why all the time references

When will my timeless theory turn out to be right because I know it’s not completely wrong I’ll just keep waiting

Why did Taylor wear a kaleidoscope ring if her album is named Lover

What ring did Tay give away at Wango Tango

Was it the Kaleidoscope ring

Does Taylor make up versions of her songs with lyrics about her cats

Has Taylor recorded versions of her songs with lyrics about her cats

Will Taylor release an album of her greatest hits but about her cats

Am I the only person who sings Taylor songs with lyrics changed to be about my cats

Can we get some Benjamin button merch

Why was Taylor wearing unicorn earrings on the ME! billboard

Is there a word written on that snake in ME!

Is the word “colors”

Is colors the name of a single

What was up with the forget me not shirt

Why was ETERNAL stitched into the back of her dress - is this my timeless theory quietly thriving we haven’t forgotten that your dress said eternal tay

Does Taylor know about all the websites with different dates on them (June 13th etc)

What was up with that May 13th stamp, Tay?

No really. What. Was. It.

How does Taylor feel about that game of thrones ending

If the album comes out in August why are there so many stamps after August

Can we finally get a Taylor reading list please I’ve only been begging forever

What was up with the coded cipher in the entertainment weekly Easter egg video

Did Taylor mention Paul McCartney Bc of the Stella collab or is there another reason

Is there a Dixie Chicks collab?

Does that hypothetical song already own me?

Wait, is French a clue because it’s the language of love and the album is called Lovers????

Am I a genius or sleep deprived

Why hasn’t making this list taken longer there’s still an ENTIRE TWO HOURS til the YNTCD music video

Does Taylor ever consider her song’s acronyms before she decides on titles

Lastly. Most importantly. Taylor said there was a big Easter egg in the hallway in the ME! MV... What was the clue in the hallway tay??? I’ve watched the hallway scene, specifically, at least 300 times. WHAT WAS THE EGG. WHY HAVENT I FOUND IT? Does it really exist? You’re just, like, walking and jumping and that’s it?

Did Taylor tell us there were 1000s of Easter eggs in the LWYMMD video we probably wouldn’t find for years just to make us crazy because I feel like that’s why

Will we ever get some like exclusive book explaining every single Easter egg and video concept and piece of imagery and symbolism and hidden clues in instagram captions and posts and tour sets and performances and jewelry? Because if not my life might never feel complete.

Does Taylor keep a master list of every clue and Easter egg she’s ever dropped, ever?

Does the fact that the debut had blue butterflies on it mean all this has been intentional and planned for 13 years?

Why were there so many Elizabeth Taylor references during the rep era

What did Taylor do for those years when she disappeared and had no one to create cryptic Easter egg puzzles for

Did she just create cryptic clue filled puzzles for her friends and family to fill the void?

Does Taylor leave Easter eggs to promote her music or does Taylor make music to promote her Easter eggs

Is YNTCD MV safe or does it have Easter eggs too

Does anyone else feel like the term “Easter egg” has almost lost all meaning to them because they say it so much

Why did Taylor post a picture of a fence (the first time)

No really. Why.