#i am so fucking sad we're like soulmates

[shinehyuk]

i can barely spend a night away from home because 'my cat will be sad and won't have anyone to cuddle :(' i am literally crying rn

[wonsroyalty]

it's okay, i'm okay : ̗̀➛이희승

i don't want him anyway, girl, take him..

✧heeseung x f!reader

genre/warnings: 3.8k, i don’t want to give too much away :0 but angst, relationship, cheating, shouting, sex, fighting, mentions of wishing death. this in no way shape or form represents heeseung, it's purely fictional! italics are flashback scenes!!!

a/n: i’m obsessed with this song omg + i listened to white ferrari (it’s my cry song 😕) at one point while writing this so theres a few references AND i was listening to the new tyler album so if it’s not sad enough it’s because i was so excited 😭😭 ooo and the favourite song choice is from those playlists that enha made at the start of the romance untold era 🔥🔥 for @sofsofenso my no.1 fan, mwah 😽 i hope you like it !!

masterlist

"I. Love. You. So. Fucking. Much." he kissed you between each word.

Your chest was heavy as you held his weight on your stomach but you managed to laugh at his actions.

"We'll be together forever right?" you held your pinky out.

"Forever and ever!" he crossed his own with yours.

Heeseung Lee wasn’t dead but you truly wished he was.

Your naive 11-year-old heart truly believed that you'd be with him forever. He was your first everything.

You were that cheesy couple in the group that everyone believed would get married and have kids and stay together till you were old and grey.

Too bad, considering your luck was always terrible and you had attracted the devil's spawn.

The fleeting moments of you sneaking him into your room, the lingering touches you shared and the overall thought of his existence skated around the interior of your brain.

You desperately wanted to get rid of them but they brought a sense of comfort that only he could fill.

"I think you might be my soulmate.." he trailed off.

"Hee!" you scolded him. "Wait until after we meet your parents."

You smoothed down your black skirt, checking your outfit in the mirror one last time.

He helped you into his red leather jacket before pulling you into his embrace.

"Heeseung!"

"Okay, okay baby." he pulled away. "Let me get a picture before we go,"

The flash of his polaroid camera captured your smitten expression as he kissed your cheek.

His parents loved you, they claimed that their son had a glow around him whenever he was with you.

"Oh my, sorry. I can't focus when I look into your eyes, pretty." Heeseung whispered.

You lightly hit his chest. "I was telling you to look at this."

"Wait, new lockscreen and it's still me!" he got up and did a little dance.

"Yeah, but that not what I- "

He picked you up and twirled you around before attacking you with tickles.

"Stop, stop!"

"Tell me how much you love me and I'll stop." he cackled.

"I love you, so much, Hee." you collapsed onto his bed in a fit of giggles.

He flopped down next to you and pulled you into his chest.

"You really are my soulmate."

What a bunch of crap.

"Yn.. don't look but she's.. over there." Winter glared in the direction of the girl who was partly responsible for the end of your relationship.

Keeho rested an arm around your shoulder as he showed you around the party.

"You're so drunk already." You laughed at him. “Again.”

It was common for Keeho to get heavily drunk at pre’s and every time he said he would stop but just didn’t follow through.

"AM not." he pouted.

The two of you walked over to your friends.

"Where's your man?" Sungchan laughed behind his cup.

"We're not always together." you grumbled.

His comment did make you curious though as you had both made your way to the party separately.

Your grandfather was sick and you wanted to visit him in the hospital before making your way to Keeho's 19th, so you had told Heeseung he could meet you whenever he got there.

Chenle told you that he'd seen him in the kitchen earlier so they all followed you there.

"Heeseung! What the fuck!" you shouted.

Yunjin was pressed up against your boyfriend who had a hand in her hair. They were about an inch away from kissing but judging by the gloss on his lips, you could tell that they already had.

He gently pushed her away with a laugh.

"Baby, hey." he waved to your friends too.

"What is your problem?!"

You pushed him away as he got closer to you.

He grabbed your arm and pulled you out of the kitchen.

"Guys.." Winter called after you.

His feet stopped once you were inside a bathroom.

"I've never seen you that mad before, pretty." he laughed.

"Let me out."

"No way... you're actually jealous."

Your jaw dropped.

"I'm not jealous, I'm breaking up with you."

"No, you're not." His face dropped. “Your emotions are high right now because your grandfather is sick. Don’t let that cloud your judgement.”

All you could do was look away because you believed his words.

"Come on, let's talk about this." he attempted to kiss you.

"Get off! You've clearly kissed someone else tonight and you expect me to want to stay with you despite you cheating."

This wasn't even the first time you'd caught him “cheating” on you.

He laughed in your face.

"This isn't Yunjin's lip combo." he joked.

"Well, it's someone's isn't it?" you frowned.

"So, you're gonna throw away 9 years because you don't trust me?" he calmed down.

Spolier! He'd convinced you to stay with him once again!

You remember the disappointed looks from all of your friends when you walked out with his arm around you.

They weren’t the only people who began to warn you about Heeseung.

Every new person you’d interacted with told you that he was bad news but you reassured them that he was just getting used to university.

He seemed to switch as soon as you’d gotten to uni, badmouthing you to his friends, staying out late, missing dates, ignoring you and each time you’d take him back.

You even took him back when you walked into the lunch area and caught him kissing your seat-mate from Politics.

Your best friends didn’t speak to you for a week after that one.

But you’d become desensitised to the feeling you got when you’d catch him. Taking him back immediately saved you from having to argue with him and you were tired.

Tired from the stress of your degree and having to deal with Heeseung.

Everywhere you went, you received looks of pity. No one envied you for being in a relationship with Heeseung, they all felt sorry for you.

You continued to defend him and every time he’d act out and chip off a piece of your heart, leaving you embarrassed and scared.

“Hee is my soulmate.” you reiterated.

Heeseung was all you ever wanted.

He was all you’d ever known.

Hee was your first everything.

Letting him go, would be losing a part of yourself and you weren’t quite sure if you were capable of doing that yet.

But four months later at the same house you'd been pushed to your limit.

“Great to see that you aren’t as drunk as last time.” Chenle poked at Keeho.

“I’m on lookout, Jiung smashed my dining room table last time.” He rolled his eyes.

“Yn!” someone turned you around.

“Hey, Yunjin.” you all sighed.

“Where’s Heeseung?” she pouted.

You really didn’t know and you were tired of people asking you that.

“I don’t know, go find him if you want.” you shrugged.

You had every reason to be mad at him.

It was your 10-year anniversary and you hadn’t done anything to celebrate together.

The party was his idea of “having a fun anniversary”.

“Yunjin, don’t come over to kill the vibe.” Sungchan groaned.

“Fine.” she grumbled.

On her way past you, she pretended to trip in order to dump her drink down your front.

“Shit.” you ran off to a bathroom in order to get the ice out of your bra, not even stopping to hear Winter scold Yunjin.

Most of them were locked so you opted for the one in Keeho’s bedroom.

On the verge of tears, you attempted to calm yourself down and get a shirt from his walk in wardrobe.

You threw on a jersey that matched with your jeans and were on your way out when someone came into the main area of the room.

“Finally, I’ve been looking for you for ages.” a girl giggled.

‘What is Yunjin doing here?’

“Well, I’m a busy man.”

‘Heeseung?! What kind of a sick joke was this?’

“Ugh don’t remind me. I asked Yn where you were and she literally said she didn’t care.”

‘I didn’t say that??’

“What?” Heeseung sounded confused.

“Enough about her, I’m right here. And we have all the time in the world.”

You could hear her kiss him.

The same lips that had spent countless hours pressed against your own.

The same lips that spoke promises of fulfilment and expressed their gratitude towards you.

The same lips that whispered words of encouragement when it was just the two of you, late at night while you gave yourself to him.

You felt disgusted.

Heeseung Lee wasn’t dead, but you truly wished he was. You wanted him to suffer an unspeakable fate for hurting you but every time you thought of him, you couldn’t bear the thought of having to live without him.

The remaining fragments of your heart fell into the palm of your hand. There was nothing to fight for anymore.

You should’ve moved long before the moans reached your ear but you were frozen in shock.

‘Is this what people warned me of.’ you panicked. ‘I should’ve never let it get this far.”

Your feet didn’t wait and moved involuntarily as you gave away your hiding spot.

You needed to see it for yourself.

The tears that you’d been holding in for months fell down your cheeks.

“I can’t do this- not today.”

Pushing past them you ran downstairs and out the doors, attracting the attention of your friends.

“Yn? What, wait!” Heeseung shouted, running after you as he slipped his clothes back on.

He grabbed your arm pulling you back into his embrace.

You shoved him away violently this time.

“Baby, I’m sorry.”

“You can’t keep saying you’re sorry and then acting out and embarrassing me every. single. time. I’m fed up Heeseung, I am done with you for good. The pain I feel just from loving you is a burden that I shouldn’t have to face anymore. I love you so much, Hee- Heeseung.” You cried as you pushed him away again. “I care so much, but it’s clear that my best just wasn’t enough for you. I’m sure that- that in another life we’d be happy.. but in this one I just don’t think that’s possible.”

“Yn, no. I’ll fix this.. I’ll fix us and I- I’ll change my ways. Just- please.” he trembled. “I wanted- I want to spend my life with you.. I can’t lose you. You can’t leave me. You’re all I’ve ever known.”

“Well that’s not true,” you sobbed. “I don’t trust you anymore.”

“Baby, why.” he grabbed your hands. “Why don’t you trust me anymore? What do I have to do to get you to trust me again.. I’ll do anything for you. I love you..”

You could see your friends in your peripheral vision watching in concern. Waiting to intervene.

“Can I ask you something?” you stared him in the eye. “I need you to answer honestly.”

“Anything!” he pleaded, tears running down his face. “Ask me anything.”

“Why did you do it time after time?” you watched him deny his acts.

“Sieun told me. You were with Yunjin, Aya, Kate. You even tried it on my Winter and she’s my best friend, Mia, Yeji, Aeri.. I can’t.” The tears fell again.

“None of them compare to you.. Baby, please don’t leave.” he tried getting closer to you. “When I look at you all I see is my soulmate. I care for you still and I will, forever.”

“Well, I look at you… and I see nothing.”

For once, he didn’t even try to fight back.

The rest of the night was a blur.

Sungchan punched him and Winter took you home as you cried for days to come.

You waited by the phone for a text or even a call with an apology but days passed then weeks which turned into months.

There was an odd sense of comfort in knowing that he knew he was in the wrong but all you wanted to do was have him hold you and tell you that everything would be alright.

Yunjin waited for her coffee to be made as she looked down at her phone.

"I.. You know what.. I don't care." you leaned back in your chair.

You didn’t know if she was still dating him, and you didn’t want to.

Chenle gasped.

"Are you being real right now?" He pressed. "This is new territory."

You nodded.

Winter suddenly began to look uncomfortable.

"Coming.. over.. here." she muttered out.

"Yn!" Yunjin screeched. “You’re going to Keeho’s party tonight right?”

“Yeah.. Surprised that you are too, you know.”

She pointed at herself confused.

“I didn’t know you were friends with Keeho.” you pointed.

“Oh, I’m not. I’m someone’s plus one.” she looked away bashfully.

“That’s not a problem.” you shrugged it off. “We’re all there to get wasted anyway.”

She mistook your lack of anger as friendship.

“Well, hope I see you later.” she waved, taking off as her order was called up.

“I don’t.” Chenle groaned.

You looked at the time on your phone.

“Cute lockscreen.” Winter giggled.

It was a picture of you, her, Chenle, Sungchan and Keeho on holiday together.

That was the summer after you and Heeseung broke up.

“It is so hot here.” Winter fanned herself.

“That’s because you’re stood out on the balcony.” Sungchan laughed.

Everyone else lounged around your hotel room.

You were still a mess.

They were trying to distract you from anything and everything and while you appreciated the thought, you just wanted Heeseung back.

Your phone was connected to Keeho’s speaker, blasting some songs that you weren’t paying attention to.

A familiar intro snapped you out of your trance and you immediately reached for your phone.

“No- No, Yn give me that.” Chenle snatched the phone out of your hands.

You’d pressed onto Heeseung’s contact and were in the process of typing out ‘I miss you…’

You remembered what Heeseung told you the first time. “Sincerity is scary by the 1975. Whenever I hear the song, I think of you.” he shrugged. “I guess that’s why it’s my favourite.”

All it took was one song, his favourite song, and you fell back into the rhythm that they were trying to get you out of.

“Come on.” Keeho smiled as he helped you up. “Let’s go out, it’s not every day that you get to be in Hawaii!

Now two years had passed.

You were in the final year of your Bachelor’s degree, with employment lined up for you to work under a United Nations representative as you studied for your Masters.

Winter was going off to Paris to work as a designer for a luxury brand, Chenle was already earning 6 figures as an accountant while studying, Keeho and Sungchan were both planning a gap year before going into business and engineering respectively.

Your best friends, all going their separate ways. You couldn’t bear the thought.

You loved them like no other and having to deal with life’s problems alone didn’t seem too great.

Together you’d created a calendar to show whenever someone was free and had planned several group holidays to come.

Spending winter in Paris with Winter, spring break in the Philippines with Keeho and Sungchan and several mini trips in summer with Chenle.

“Cheers!” Keeho shouted.

“What are we cheering to?” you laughed.

“Us… duh!”

You’d all settled on the conservatory sofa, away from the noise and people at the party.

“We have 5 months left, don’t get sappy.” Sungchan smiled.

“Well if you think about it, it’ll be over in no time.” Winter looked deep in thought. “We’ve been friends for 19 years now and those flew by.”

19 years..

It didn’t take long for you all to realise that you really didn’t have a lot of time left in your bubble.

Having to face the real world without your found family was difficult.

“I don’t want to leave you guys.” Chenle cried into your side as you all hugged each other.

“Please don’t be a stranger guys,” Keeho sobbed. “Weekly group facetime calls, weekend trips..”

“I want postcards.” you wailed. “From your world trip.”

“You’ll all get them.” Sungchan bawled.

“Remember in nursery when- when Chenle started that paint fight and we all got scolded by the teacher.” Winter laughed with a sniffle.

Laughter broke out across the group.

You had the picture on your childhood bedroom wall. The four-year-old versions of yourselves covered head to toe and looking guilty.

Time really does fly by.

“I love you guys.”

The moment was cut short when Jiung stumbled into the room.

“Hey!”

“Not me!”

Chenle dove out of the way and you ended up covered in Jiung’s drink.

“Why does everyone put ice in their drinks!” you wined. “I’m going to steal a shirt, Keeho.”

You left the group as they arranged a ride home for Jiung and looked for a change of clothes in Keeho’s wardrobe.

Slipping a shirt on, you left his room but realised you’d wanted to use the bathroom.

There was another down the hall anyway.

You were in the process of washing your hands when you noticed the song seeping through the gap under the door.

“Sincerity is scary by the 1975.”

But you didn’t have an urge to text him.

The door flung open.

‘Why!’ you groaned.

“Ba- Yn..” he tilted his head. “You look better.”

“Please leave, Heeseung.”

You hated how he looked even better.

“Why are you looking at me like that..” you whined.

You hated how your whole being shut down as soon as you were close to him. The past two years went out of the window.

“Like what?” he whispered.

“You know we can’t..” you trailed off.

He took several steps closer to you and you hesitated to breathe.

“We’re not doing anything.” his eyes were very much focused on your lips.

Winter’s voice rang out in your head.

“Don’t tell the guys.. but if you ever end up in the same place as him, I think you should get closure. It’ll help you move on.”

You let him kiss you.

When he pulled away you brought him back, kissing his lips with a hunger you’d never had before.

He pulled you up by the waist and placed you on the bathroom counter, fingers immediately making their way under your skirt.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“One last time.” you confirmed before kissing him again with even more passion.

“Fuck, you’re so wet.” he pulled down your underwear and began to lap at your cunt.

Your hands grasped at his now red hair, as your head fell back against the mirror with a gasp.

He knew you like the back of his hand and you were ashamed to reach your climax so fast as he worked your insides with precision and memory.

“Fuck.. Hee- Heeseung, I’m gonna cum.” you moaned out.

“Cum for me, pretty. You did so well,” he praised as he rubbed your clit.

The nickname and intensity of your orgasm did a number on you.

You felt lightheaded as he kissed you breathlessly before reaching into his pocket to pull out a condom.

‘Thank God, he got the message. One last time.’ you thought. It felt too intimate to let him fuck you raw.

Your fingers made light work of discarding his belt and jeans so you could pull his boxers down teasingly slowly.

“Baby, please..” he whined.

You slid off the counter and onto your knees, immediately taking him into your mouth.

Your muscles moved like clockwork, memory working overtime as you pushed his buttons the way he always loved.

“Not yet..” he whimpered.

He pulled your head off his dick and helped you stand up then bent you over the counter.

You watched in the mirror as he rolled the condom on and then rubbed his length on the slick of your release.

“Heeseung,” you whined as he nudged your clit with his tip.

“All in one?” he asked you.

You nodded.

He sheathed himself into you in one go.

Feeling as though you could cum then and there, you slumped onto the surface in front of you.

Heeseung grabbed your hair and forced you to watch him in the mirror.

Once you made eye contact, you became fully aware of the situation you were in.

You cried out as he slapped your ass before slamming into you from behind.

The moans leaving your lips and whines leaving his would be heard by everyone if the music wasn’t so loud.

He knew exactly what to do and you didn’t even have to tell him what pace to go at, he remembered.

“Hee! Right there.” you cried out. “R- Right there.”

“I’m so close.” he cried. “Shit..”

“Me too.” you held your hand out.

Heeseung grabbed your outstretched hand as you came together.

Silence overcame you both as he threw the condom into the bin and helped clean you up.

He tried to kiss you again.

You looked away.

It was clear that he had just cried but so had you.

The tension and emotion you had for each other was too strong.

“I’m sorry.” he croaked out. “I’m so sorry.”

Your arms pulled him into your embrace.

“It’s okay.”

He pulled back slightly and kissed you again.

This time it was light and if you weren’t paying attention, it would’ve felt as though he was never there.

You wiped his tears away before your own.

“Do you ever think about what life would be like for us, if things were different..?” he asked.

Someone burst into the room.

“You bitch!” Yunjin shouted at you.

It wasn’t hard to assume that you’d just had sex with the smell lingering in the room and the mirror fogged up.

“Huh?” you looked at Heeseung to explain.

“Wait, Yn- ”

You laughed in pain.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

You’d just helped him do what broke your heart in the first place.

Instead of sadness or anger you just felt done.

“We were just talking.” you lied.

You weren’t covering for him. You knew that he needed the closure as much as you did but ultimately you were trying to save your own skin.

Yunjin looked furious.

“You can have him.” she seethed. “I should’ve known that he’d never get over you. But I didn’t think that you’d try to get at him.”

“Girl, take him. He’s yours.” you put your hands up, signalling that you were finished with whatever was going on. “I had him in the first place, I don’t want him anymore.”

You felt bad talking about Heeseung like he was an object while he was right in front of you but you pushed that aside.

“No-!” she frowned.

“I don’t want him anyway,” you turned to leave. “Girl take him.”

Yunjin didn’t even try to fight it.

She seemed shocked that you’d given up so easily.

“Heeseung,” you started. “To answer your question, I did. But I learned not to expect much from you.”

Heeseung Lee wasn’t dead, but you no longer cared enough to wish he was.

THE END.

[paladin--strait]

soulmates part 1

luke hughes x reader

part 2 here! series masterlist here!

tw!!: none other than some language! use of y/n, reader can be depicted as any body shape/size.

this story moves kinda fast, since I want it to only be a couple of parts long. it's also pretty cringey...sorry about that lol

warning: this is a complete work of fiction. I am no way saying or implying that these people act the way the do in the story. I am open to any sort of constructive criticism! thank you!

I take another sip of my drink and look over at jack who has his arm around his 'fling of the day' as the guys and I like to call it. she's blonde with green eyes, which seems to be his type since that's what most of the girls he brings around look like. with a shake of my head and a sigh, I look over at timo, who gives me a understanding look with a chuckle. I ruffle my hair that is still damp from jumping off the boat into the lake with the guys earlier while I stand up and walk over to the kitchen island to talk to jamie, dawson, and john.

"yo luke!" dawson says, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me a little, "what's life like having to watch jack and his fling of day all the time?" he questions with a laugh, slapping me on the shoulder. my eyebrows raise and I sigh, shaking my head with a laugh. "its interesting, I guess." I say, shrugging my shoulders.

"you guess?" john asks, taking a sip of his beer. "doesn't it get annoying after a while? ya know? constantly coming home and he has some random girl in the house or when he comes home he has a girl? that would annoy the fuck outta me dude. I would honestly pack up my stuff and live somewhere else." he says with a chuckle, trying to lighten the conversation to some extent but it doesn't work.

"I've just gotten used to it over time. when we're in jersey I just go out for a walk or I just go over to cap's house and hang out with him. when we're here I just go out in the boat and stay in the middle of the lake for a while." I say with a shrug.

and its true, sad, but true. I'm just glad quinn doesn't act this way. at least, I don't think he does. I'm not in vancouver with him everyday so I wouldn't really know. but I don't really see quinn acting that way. jack's always been a bit of a player, but when all the guys are around during the off season he seems to want to show off.

sure, I've had a couple hookups here and there, but nothing like jack. he's my brother and I love him, but recently his player antics have been getting worse. I admit, I've been looking into some apartments lately. it's not like I can't afford them, because I can, it's just the fact that me and jack have lived in the same place for basically our whole lives. first it was our house and now it's our apartment in jersey. I don't wanna move away from him just because of some girls he brings back.

I make some more small talk with the guys, now including trevor, who had just woken up from his nap on the couch, and quinn, who had recently come out of his room after his shower, when the doorbell rings.

jack jumps up, almost knocking his girl on the floor in the process, and runs to the door. "I got it!!" he says, disappearing into the hallway that leads to the front door. the guys and I make our way to the couch, taking our seats and continuing our conversation.

soon enough, jack walks back in with nobody. "quinn, there's some girl here to see you. she's putting her stuff up and then she'll be in here." he sighs, sitting back down with his girl, who I've now learned is named kaitlyn. I look at quinn, who is looking at me with a confused look on his face, before he stands, waiting to greet who ever is here to see him.

Then, she walks in. she has got to be one of the prettiest girls I have ever seen in my life. her flowy hair, that sort of bounces with almost every step, her blue canucks jersey that fits her curves like a dream, and her eyes. god, her eyes are gorgeous.

I'm snapped out of my daze by her voice, "quinny!!" she says, practically running to quinn, who's face lights up, before grabbing her and hugging her tightly. they hug for a while and I can hear them talking, but i can't hear what they're saying. after a minute or two, they pull away looking at each other happily. brock stands and walks to the unnamed girl with open arms, yelling her name, and embracing her in a hug.

"everyone," quinn starts, "this is y/n. she lives in vancouver with me and works in media for the canucks so this is a surprise that she's here." he says, looking at her with a smile.

I can tell her likes her, crush or not, quinn likes her. he never smiles like that for anyone. she smiles back, and waves hello, a tiny of blush on her cheeks. she then makes eye contact with me, eyes widening a bit and her cheeks getting a bit redder before quinn pulls her away to introduce her to everyone.

I gulp, realizing that quinn's best friend might be the death of me. I get up quickly, walking outside with my drink in hand. I sit in a chair facing the lake and take in the sunset. I can't help but think about her as I sip my drink.

y/n's pov

"and this is the middle brother, jack, and his girlfriend, kaitlyn." quinn gestures to them, and jack stands to give me a handshake, but eventually settles on a hug. I notice that his girlfriend is eyeing me hard. but the look I give her back is enough to get her to look away. "and luke is over there." quinn points to where he and luke were previously sitting on the couch, but luke is nowhere to be seen. quinn frowns, before looking around and finally spotting him sitting outside on the deck through the window.

"you can stay in here, quinny. I can go introduce myself on my own." I say, smiling before quinn does as well, walking back to take his seat beside who I think is a guy named trevor.

it's a short walk to the porch outside. the sun is glaring in my face so I pull my sunglasses down from my head to cover my eyes. the wooden boards of the deck clack as I step on them, making my way to luke.

I sit in the seat beside him as he turns to look at me with a suspicious look on his face, wondering who followed him outside. I give him a smile and makes eye contact with him, which he returns for s split second before looking away. "hi luke! my name is y/n. it's so nice to finally meet you! quinn has told me so much about you." I say, hoping to get him to look back at me.

all he does is nod and say a quick hello with a 'nice to meet you'. I frown, my gaze settling on the wooden boards below our feet. I sigh, and stand back up, walking back to the house.

my mind is racing as I try to figure out why he won't talk to me or even look at me. maybe he's tired? maybe he just wants some privacy? I'm not sure but the sadness in my eyes is evident when I walk back into the lake house, my eyes meeting Quinn's and I give him a small smile which he returns with a frown.

Quinn walks to me and puts his hand on my shoulder as he leans in to whisper something in my ear. "I'm sorry about luke. I'm not sure what's gotten into him. I'll talk to him and see if he'll come around." he pulls back and gives me a smile before he walks outside.

"hey y/n!!! come sit with us!" I hear a voice say, soon figuring out it was that trevor guy. I smile and make my way to them.

luke's pov

my heart is racing when she sits beside me. I can't believe quinn is friends with such a beautiful girl. I feel my cheeks begin to heat up even more when she mentions how much quinn has talked about me.

I try to be nice to her and return her greeting but I just can't focus on what she's saying. my mind is thinking at a billion miles per hour, wondering what quinn had told her about me and whether I need to be worried if it's bad.

I'm so focused on my own thoughts that I don't even realize she's gotten up to leave until she was halfway back to the house. I stand, and outstretch my hand, wanting to call her name and tell her to come back, but nothing leaves my mouth.

I sit back down and wonder what I just did. is she gonna hate me now? is she wondering why I won't talk to her? does she think that I think that she's ugly and I don't wanna look at her?

I'm pulled out of my thoughts by a hand touching my shoulder and a voice calling my name. I snap out if it and look over at the person. its quinn. he's got a worried look mixed with a bit of anger on his face.

"why won't you talk to her?" he says, crossing his arms and looking at me with a look of confusion. "she was so excited to meet you and jack and you won't even look at her. I told her that you two would get along so well and she's been so excited ever since. what's the deal?"

his voice gets louder at the end of his questioning. I can tell he really cares about her.

"i don't know..." my voice trails off and I look down, fiddling with my fingers.

"you don't know?? luke, she was more excited to meet you more than anyone else. I didn't know that she was coming down today or even at all but I was planning in buying her plane tickets later to get her down here tomorrow or the next day so she could meet all of my friends and family. I don't understand what has gotten into you, luke." quinn's head shakes in disappointment and disbelief.

"listen quinn, I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me either." I say, about to play everything off. and then it all comes out. "all I know is that she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life. I don't even know anything about her but I can already tell that I'm about to have the biggest crush on this girl. so seems so kind and so fun from what I've seen. which is not much but still! I can already tell what kind of person she is. she just gives me that feeling of kindness. please don't tell her that I said any of that and I'm so sorry quinn."

I don't think I've even spoken faster in my life. quinn's face went from disappointment and anger to disbelief and happiness in a split second. he jumps up and puts his hands on my shoulders.

"luke. I wanted to bring her down not only to meet all of you guys, but I wanted her to meet you. you're perfect for each other! she's always so happy and excited for everything and that's just what you need! I'm not saying you're a huge party pooper or whatever, but sometimes you need more excitement in your life! look at jack. he's living his best life right now. sure, he's definitely had way too many girlfriends, but that's what makes him happy and you deserve something or someone that will make you happy too. if you wanna date her, go ahead. y/n hasn't had the greatest experience with relationships. and I think that you could change all of that for her. so I'm absolutely fine with it if you wanna take her out."

quinn's words shock me. he stands there with an excited look on his face and he urges me to stand up.

"I guess I should talk to her then." I look at quinn with a smile and he puts his arm around my shoulders, laughing excitedly as we walk back to the house.

[carlos-in-glasses]

How are you dealing with Tarlos being over? I’m seriously not good. It helps that Ronen said they are best friends off screen but knowing that we will never see them together again is really making me sad.

Hello! Thank you for this question. Firstly, a huge internet hug for you because I really feel your pain 💔❤️❤️❤️❤️ and this is a topic we're all grappling with I'm sure. In terms of Tarlos as characters, I'm trying not to look at it as them being totally 'over' because they and the other characters can live on through art and fanfic, just like they did during the hiatuses between seasons. We didn't need 'new' canon content to keep creating. We just...kept creating. Although this was perhaps fuelled by looking forward to the show’s return, I don't see why that has to be all that different now. There are fandoms that revolve around single books, single movies, and thrive on a lot less content than we have to work with. 

However, I appreciate that you might not be a reader of fic, and indeed even if you are…..The show itself and the physical portrayal of these characters is certainly ending far too soon, and honestly I fucking hate that. I feel sad in my body. I'd go as far to say I'm actually bitter about it, and bitterness is a horrible, horrible feeling! I keep thinking – if we hadn't had a season 3, we'd have missed out on so many amazing moments on screen, culminating in the proposal. If we hadn't had a season 4, we'd have missed out on the soulmates scene and the wedding! No season 5, no seeing TK being flung onto a dresser, no dancing at the party, none of the Enzo/Jonah/Carlos' investigation stuff that I'm LOVING. Which leaves me with this strong ache as I wonder what we are missing out on with no season 6, 7, 8... 

So, the silver lining is that the fandom will make the best out of a shit situation creatively, but it is a shit situation in reality. I think it's absolutely fine for us to mourn this loss and be there for each other, because those of us who profoundly love this show and Tarlos are all in it together and understand the magnitude. I am certainly in a weird state of grief not related to death but related to this different kind of loss, and there will always be part of me hurting over this thing I love so much. I only found the show after season 3 and it just doesn't feel like I've had enough time with it. I haven’t had enough fun!

I hope we do get to see Ronen and Rafa reunite again from time to time. They’ll be at the Paris convention in December, and maybe others along the way if their schedules allow. I was lucky enough to go to the one in June last year and Ronen, Rafa, Natacha and Sierra certainly did appear to be very close irl, so definitely do take heart in that – it’s a reason to believe we’ll get at least glimpses of them together going forward.

So yeah. I’m finding good things where I can in all this, but the headline is that I really am sad and struggling too, and I’m so sorry you are and I hope you’re able to fill your day with things that help you to feel a bit better. I hope everyone who reads this is able to do the same.

[jjmorelikeotp]

Okay so I am watching BTVS for the first time in my life & I'm currently on season 6 E 14, and one thing I really really love is how Spike is just so...comitted.

With Angel, I personally had the feeling he was grieving the person he could be, all sad and sappy in his misery that kinda clung around him all the time (ik we're calling spike a drama queen but. THAT MAN? Depressed himbo vibes. No offense.) Even though he had a soul, there was this feeling of self pity in him - and it makes sense considering the fact he probably knew that one true moment of happiness would turn him back into a monster, and that is rly depressing tbh.

Does not change the fact that Buffy being underage when being with him is totally absurd and predatory, there, I said it.

He is kind of the big scary monster guy and sometimes she does seem like a normal 16 year old, and by that, naive or simply, young.

It made me feel like she was prey, not gonna lie.

It is what stopped him from truly comitting to Buffy. I mean yeah, their love was pure and they definetely are soulmates in some way. They truly affected each other's fate.

But this is where Spike is different than Angel as well. He is truly COMITTED to what he's doing, he is all in for buffy. Like, the way he offers to make money for her when she needs it? That offer is NOT a deal-kind-of-offer. He truly wants to help her and it is so casually because he already is in full partner mode, in whatever way she needs. Offering comfort when she has to work a double shift (yeah by fucking outside, mkay, just the spuffy way ig) like that because he is actually afraid she will lose her sanity? Even though they drive each other insane? Yeah these scenes are not talked about enough.

In that same scenario, Angel never even would have showed up. He would have waited in front of the building after Buffy ended her shift, maybe. He never even offered to be in her life like that, while both of them found a million excuses for it. But Spike does not. He just simply does stuff that COULD be the solution if he ever even thought of them being a problem.

And I think that is also why he's so pissed about Buffy going on and off about him - to Angel, she seemed so comitted, but to him, he just does not seem to be able to.

And again, it make sense, but I also think we don't talk enough about the fact that Buffy did indeed kill Angel, when it wasn't even necessary as in "he was soulless and a monster" anymore. Even though she loved him. But only when she had a really really good reason/purpose.

So one thing that might be also pushing her away from spike is the thought of having to do that again, and desperately trying to find the purpose without being able to.

He makes her choose wether she wants to be the prey or the hunter in this. On purpose. To show her her options and her power because she never really got to experience both sides / perspectives with Angel OR Riley.

So while she tries to figure out 1. Her reason why she should kill him (which should be a very very valid one so she can bring up the power to do so) 2. Her life's purpose in general, he just ... delivers purpose, not to her, but as in, her being the purpose. That's what he acts like and That's what she can't handle. Yes, she is the reason he is trying to change, but also, he puts her in the Position of being the purpose of him doing that.

Showing her the self responsibility and ability to be her own purpose and make her own decisions. (After her friends all kind of screwed up that kind of SELF responsibility.) He really does man up in this show, and like I said, these are just my thoughts watching it for the first time (did not see angel the series yet).

He is also holding her accountable even though he has a soft spot for her, and she is not used to that. She treats him like a man, yes, but he treats her like an equal as well and always has. She is used being looked down upon by adults or the council, enemies, blablablah, also her friends who "saved" her earlier this season, or being the superslayer hero and leader who has to do everything. She is always in positions. Even with angel, she was, it kind of stopped when they broke up but even then, he treats her like she does not know SHIT. Something is standing between them and always has been, and while Angel kind of used that as an excuse to keep distant and keep their walls up, Spike uses these exact walls as a reason or challenge to tear them down. Spike never acts like things are not his fault even if they are horrible, he just simply accepts his dark side while still having a normal one, with passions on tv and card games and whatever. He *subconciously* takes responsibility even before having a soul, for stuff he did, he doesn't blame his vampire side or whatever for it.

I think in subtext, Buffy always had a slight commitment to angel, as in "maybe, one day, it can still happen" while angel cut off all those hopes for himself (not his desires, maybe. But his ... solution oriented search or smth) as we can see when he visits her at her mom's funeral.

And one other reason why Buffy is so terrified of that whole Spike thing is because it makes her stop that hope for angel or resolve that feeling of being owned by (her feelings for) him.

And don't get me wrong, Spike is kinda possessive too, but as I see it he is trying to commit to a relationship where she can own herself and that is what terrifies her truly.

(That's what we see him do with drusilla from the beginning)

You understand what I mean? If you got thoughts on it let me know!

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 46

chapter 70:

1. “And now the furniture is covered in dust, the books haven't been touched, the flowers are dead, the food has spoiled, and all the little pieces of himself from before feel foreign to him, like they're from a complete stranger.”

why did i blindly hope that crimson rivers couldn’t get more sad??

2. “Regulus couldn't have imagined it, then. Barty dying. Being dead. He was safe, aged out from reapings, and he would have made it if the war hadn't taken him.”

i want to gnaw on something. this is driving me crazy. i need to go eat dirt oh my god

3. every time i briefly forget about evan in this fic, his name is name dropped like a fucking bomb from the sky and i literally want to break a window

4. “And then there's Sirius, who barely knows what to do with his own pain, struggling to balance it, like he's not allowed to have it, feeling like an imposter for simply daring to grieve a man who wasn't his father as a father, as if that man didn't love him as a son.” the monty and sirius bond are still making me cry, actually

5. “I know I will be dead long before you read this,”

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

once again, had to voice memo my freind

6. welcome back to another round of lily vs the fridge

7. mary: you love dorcas

lily: NOOO!!! only you babes 😘

mary: fucking dumbass

8. idk how to explain it, but i’m glad that mary and lily (and dorcas and marlene) had such complex relationships. they weren’t just the badass lesbians who had it all together and had a perfect relationship that scoffed at the silly boys. they love just as hard and fumble just as hard. their relationships are far from perfect and are very messy. i love it

9. “His dad watched these flowers bloom.

His dad never saw them die.”

*eye twitch*

10. maybe i shouldn’t blame dorcas, but i’m kinda pissed at her for not showing up to marlene’s funeral

11. “Barty got a funeral, too. Regulus planned that one, and you could tell, because it was done so delicately.”

screaming crying throwing up

what if i never spoke again? as like some sort of stupid protest? as like a statement to show how upset i am over bartys death? huh?? what would you do then bizzarestars????? huh?????????

12. “Vanity got honored as a war hero in the Hallow, a statue raised in her honor on the castle grounds, replacing Riddle's legacy.” i’m actually losing my mind. i want to shovel grass in my mouth and chew stained glass. idk or drink a latte or something

13. bro i’m so mad that sirius was 100% right about how james wouldn’t grieve around him, always wanting to take care of sirius, which is why he has to leave. i’m so mad. i’m so mad. this is gonna hurt

14. “”Fucking hell, James, we're still in love, so calm down. It's—it's not an actual breakup, you know."” -sirius

😭😭😭 they’re such soulmates omg

15. oh god it hurt more than i thought. james thought sirius was about to break the news about remus leaving. not sirius leaving. james never once considered that sirius would leave

16. SNSKDNJSNSMSKSM THEYRE KISSING YAY OMG JEGULUS KISSS OMGGG AFTER LITERALLY TWO MONTHS THEYRE KISSING AGAIN

chapter 71:

1. “[Regulus] is such a sweet boy, and yes, yes, [Effie] has seen him murder, but that matters very little to her, overall” me talking about my favorite characters 🥰

2. wolfstar

currently wanting to gnaw through concrete and plywood over them

3. “Remus also calls Lily every day. They're more discreet about it, not practically confessing their love and trying to make out through the screen the way James and Sirius do”

remus: this is my boyfreind sirius, and that’s my boyfreind’s boyfreind, james ♥️

4. remus thinking of sirius as a helicopter parent towards regulus has me in fucking tears omg that’s so funny

5. “That's the first time they have sex after the war, when Remus tells Sirius how he made Riddle pay for all that he'd done.”

idk, but that’s not the sentence i was expecting

6. 😭😭😭 remus realizing that lyall never liked any of his ex boyfreinds, and the fact that he approves of sirius, the murderer, is laughable

7. jealous sirius kissing remus within an inch of his life 😭😭😭

8. “It's no secret that Sirius likes the hickies, but it's not just him; the truth is, the only thing Remus likes more than getting to put them there is getting to see them there.”

uhhh um uhhhhh hot

9. 👀 they getting nasty

10. james being a teacher >>>>>>>>>>>

11. what are sirius and regulus gonna get up to?

12. it’s heartbreaking that lily and mary have to raise bingley. on one hand, it’s domestic and it’s their little family. on the other hand, they never should have had to do this. lily cooks and tucks him into bed and raises him. but she’s not his mom. and mary raises bingley. but she’s not his mom. and it’s so scary to navigate this

13. THE BAGELS

14. james’ knife kink >>>>>>>>>

15. omg i’m a blubbering mess. they have a home together!!!

16. hello!???? they’re dancing together????? in their home?????? what if i burst into tears?????

17. AWWWWW JAMES PROPOSED AGAIN

18. please please please please tell me we get a marriage chapter

[vanmarkus]

ngl it's really starting to make me sad that some hardcore b*ddie shippers don't seem to care about the characters at all unless it's in the context of b*ddie. would it be so wrong to have buck and eddie remain best friends who share a closeness that's more like family? they love each other deeply and their relationship isn't lesser if they don't become romantic partners at some point in the distant future.

and honestly, can't we all at least agree that eddie has some shit to figure out and deserves to have time (and his own damn storyline) to do that, with his closest friend by his side to support him?

meanwhile buck is embarking on a whole new joyful part of his life as we speak. idk about you but i was really touched by the scene in which buck comes out to eddie; it could not have been better. buck's arc, and all the ups and downs that are sure to come with it, can only be made better by having eddie there to support him imo. like damn, take the b*ddie shipping goggles off and support them as individuals for a hot minute.

(oops sorry for the rant)

you know, it just pisses me the fuck off that ever since Tommy's introduction, people have been off the rails, inventing reasons to hate on fictional characters, get all up in arms about how long their ship was built up for, if it's canon or not, if it's endgame or not, harassing each other online etc etc

why are we acting like we're in kindergarten and there is only one Barbie to play with?? ffs. I'm a buddie shipper, I love buddie, they are soulmates, they have everything to go all the way and stay there, but the way hardcore buddie shippers behave makes me feel like I stepped in shit.

and to a lesser degree, but bucktommy shippers aren't innocent either. coming up with acronyms for deadset buddie shippers? really? kindergarten bullying 101. moaning about how bucktommy is canon and buddie is fanon so it has more "value" as a ship?? you mean to say that the fake people on my TV can have differing values when I imagine them kissing in my head?? do you even hear yourselves?

I am trying not to engage with any of this and I have been unfollowing and even blocking people for putting it on my dash. but unfortunately a larger portion of the fandom looks like this right now and that makes it harder to keep my peace — or to not be associated with the "bad apples" just for shipping one or the other.

I'm tired. you all gotta start acting like adults because this is a joke.

[lunar-years]

what tswift (or others) define the ot3/the legs of the ot3? i think renegade is a v. s2 roy keeley song!

YESSSS renegade is THE roykeeley s2 song to me. It is so perfect. I also think it works for the larger ot3 as well.

Anyway this is such a fun question and something I have already thought about at length because, well, I am me 😂 Here's my playlist (with a few bonus songs from other artists):

JamieKeeley

Now That We Don't Talk - This is post-breakup s2 jamiekeeley when they've grown distanced from one another and they only hear about one another through the press/Keeley is watching from the outside as Jamie burns his life up on Lust Conquers All. The "You part the crowd like the Red Sea, don't even get me started / Did you get anxious though, on the way home?" line is sooooo them, because they know one another beyond their public images and can see past the facade.

Gorgeous - they're both gorgeous people <3 enough said, really. But yeah this gives me biggg early relationship vibes when they first meet at a club or agency party or what have you. :)

Lunar Years (Maisie Peters) - I have had in my head the vague outline of a relationship-spanning jamiekeeley fic titled after this song for like 2 years lmao. lord knows if it will ever see the light of day. But this is my VERY favorite jamiekeeley song. It's about breaking up and getting along better for it afterward, but still sort of being in love, and EVERY LINE is about them my god. fav: "I'm a nicer person now I'm not your person, funny how that works, and funny that we're working now"

RoyKeeley

Renegade - (ultimate roykeeley song)

Everything Has Changed - s1 roykeeley. "Dust off your highest hopes" is sooo applicable to them because before getting together they both have kind of resigned themselves to meaningless relationships (Keeley) or no relationships (Roy) because they assume that love like that is unattainable for them. Then they get together and everything changes, and for both of them it's kind of their first truly serious, life-altering relationship. ahhhhhh!!

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys - breakup RoyKeeley from Keeley's pov :( "the voices in his head called the rain to end our days of wild" "saw forever so he smashed it up" "I'll tell you that he runs because he loves me" "I felt more when we played pretend than with all the kens" wow i'm so sad.

How Did It End? - this is also about RoyKeeley's breakup and dealing with the fallout of a very public relationship with an undefinable/hard to explain ending. The reaction we see at the club of the team finding out has got to be just like...the tip of the iceberg :( Everyone they know wants to know Why this seemingly perfect couple broke up and Roy and Keeley can't even explain because they (well, Keeley in particular) still don't understand it themselves.

RoyJamie

I Can See You - This is the s2/s3 unresolved sexual tension royjamie song. they want to get it on soooo bad. soooo bad!! nobody can ever find out about that tho. obviously. 🤪 "I've been watching you for ages and I spend my time trying not to feel it"

invisible string - idk the soulmatism is so strong with these two tbh. Like, it's literally off the charts. something something the signed poster on Jamie's wall. 69. all along there was some invisible string tying you to me wasn't there!!

OT3:

cowboy like me - they get each other on a really deep level because they match each other's freak :) and they all have anxiety about forever but ultimately decide it's worth the risk for each other. "and the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up"

delicate - to me this song is perfect for the beginning of their relationship when they aren't out or public and they all are trying sooo hard to hold on to this precious thing with one another because they know it means more than anything that's come before and they don't want to f it up again.

Long Story Short - it took them a long ass time to individually get their shit together and then all be on the same page as a unit, but they got there eventually! ❤️

Mastermind - Jamie literally masterminded the three of them oh my god. posters on the wall part 2. "What if i told you none of it was accidental, and the first time that I saw you, I knew I wanted your body." I mean, YEAH.

Shade of Yellow (Griff) - Okay, so this is my current favorite rjk song. it's soooo soft and simple and beautiful. their home is where the others are. they are one another's comfort and peace. i'm crying. "there's a light in your room and it burns like a shade of yellow / And it makes me feel sane in the head and I swear that's rare these days"

Isimo (Bleachers) - something something emerging out of your damaged past to a bright future with people who love you and are willing to help you carry the load. realizing you've survived. "I'd follow you down down down down to the water, way down to any kind of chance"

[boldlyvoid]

So recently I’m going through a breakup. My boyfriend had told me he doesn’t know why but he kinda just “fell out of love with me” and it’s actually heartbreaking. I was wondering if you could write something about Eddie comforting reader over a similar situation.

first off bestie, i am so sorry you're going through this, I'm here if you need anyone and i hope you enjoy this

cw: breakups, jealousy, unhealthy relationships

Eddie received a call full of sniffles and sobs that left his own heart broken, his best friend in the whole world finally broke up with her boyfriend. he says "finally" cause he never liked the guy, something always felt off, and while she's devastated, he's hopeful. which makes him feel bad, so he overcompensates with taking care of her more than normal. even though she never heard his internal thoughts, she'd never know he was glad he was gone...

he shows up at her place with all her favourite snacks and drinks, both alcoholic and not, a joint in his pocket and his arms open wide, waiting for a hug from his favourite person.

she tells him everything he said before he dumped her. he said he hasn't cheated, that's not what this was about, he just found himself falling out of love with her and he didn't want to drag her along anymore. she started to notice when he didn't sleep over anymore, he didn't want to talk on the phone after work. dates were few and far between until they stopped altogether last month. there were clues everywhere that it was coming, she just didn't want to believe it.

she physically shakes while she sobs in his arms, done explaining and just wanting to cry.

"Can I ask something?" Eddie is speaking before he even thinks it over.

"y-yeah," she sniffles

"This is kinda weird, but humour me... okay?"

she sits up with a sniffle, wiping her nose and eyes, "what?"

"Imagine if we lived in a world where you are told your soulmate's full name when you turn 25, you can marry anyone, it doesn't have to be your soulmate... but you get a name in a few years and you know that they're actually the perfect person for you, would that change how hurt you feel right now?"

"um," she tilts her head to the side while she genuinely thinks about it. "I mean, if I found out it was his name... and he didn't love me anymore, yeah?" she's still so sad, genuinely feeling like he was the one for her.

Eddie knew he wasn't.

"but what if it's not his name, there's a 7 billion to 1 chance that it's his name, it's probably not going to be his name," he explains further. "like, what if you got my name? or Gareth?" he throws in another name just to take the pressure off, not ready to get turned down by her with how much he loves her.

"I mean, yeah, I'm still going to be sad?" she looks at him like he's an idiot. "my heart is broken, I gave him everything for years, Edward. he saw me for everything I am and said Nah, I'm good. do you know how much that fucking hurts? I won't just magically be fine because I know someone will love me eventually. I feel unloveable RIGHT NOW?? I don't care about the future."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," he feels like an absolute idiot. "but you're not... you're not unlovable right now. or back when he was pretending to still love you... I've loved you the whole time."

"Thats different," she doesn't believe him. "we're best friends."

"Because he was your boyfriend the whole time," he admits in a whisper. "that first time we hung out, it's cause I asked you out... I didn't know you had a boyfriend. You told me that day, like 10 minutes in, and I had to just accept we'd be friends and I mean, luckily you became my best friend, but my intention was always to date you."

her eyes go wide, "oh my god... he said you loved me and I didn't believe him, I thought he was just jealous for no reason."

"he was jealous of me?" Eddie can't believe it either.

she nods, "I told him not to be but... I really had no idea, Eddie? I thought you were just sweet on everyone?"

he shakes his head with a small smile building on his face, "nope. just you. it's always been just you."

"don't get me wrong, it still hurts but..." she can't help but smile back a bit, "maybe when it hurts a little less we could go on a real date?"

"I thought you'd never ask," he teases, pulling her back in close to his chest where she finally settles. no longer crying, her chest hurts still, yes, but the butterflies in her stomach make up for it.

maybe she did care a bit about the future, especially if that future was with him.

[bxngthedoldrums]

a petekey reading of so much (for) stardust

aka you knew i'd do this aka i didnt take four literature classes in college for nothing aka make sure your tinfoil hat is SECURED to your noggin aka dear lord forgive me for committing sins of petekey in the year of 2023

look. i have to do this or i don't deserve this blog. amen

~ love from the other side

okay. yea, immediately the "you were the sunshine of my lifetime" thing is sort of sus, because we all know pete wentz and anytime sun or summer is involved it's Something. this is solidified in "summer falling through our fingers again" in verse 2, but it's interesting that he uses "ours" in this lyric bc i feel like recently most of pete's summer lyrics have been pretty self-inflicted. it's impossible to not note the whole "inscribed like stone and faded by the rain" in the bridge v. "the tombstones were waiting" line in bang the doldrums. i shant even elaborate u can pick up what i'm laying down!

~ heartbreak feels so good

i think this song is pretty light on petekey imagery but "light from a screen of messages unsent" kinda reminds me of "some nights it gets so bad i almost pick up the phone" in ginasfs but i could be reaching for Sure. let's be real that's all i do

~ hold me like a grudge

honestly i think this is one of the worst petekey offenders on the album. this one had me gawking at my screen as i read the lyrics. "thaw out my freezer burn feelings for twenty summers" ??? be SERIOUS pete... "part-time soulmate, full-time problem" yeah I GET IT I GET IT !!! the whole thing reeks of 2005 summertime fling

~ fake out

"do you laugh about me whenever i leave?" bonkers ass line,,this reminds me of pete's lj writing in those years after 2005,,,"my mood board is just pictures of you, but i'm not sad anymore" YEAH. this is SO pete holy fuck. that classic wentz obsession,,"we did for futures that never came and for pasts that we're never gonna change" this line's got me on the fuckin FLOOR. also classic pete!!! his perchance for nostalgia is just insane and he really feels it huh

~ heaven, iowa

i dont even know how to get into this one. "kiss my cheek, baby, please/would you read my eulogy?" SICK and TWISTED evil!!! evil!!! "i will never ask you for anything except to dream sweet of me" jesus h christ the melancholy is off the charts but holy fuck this song is so,,,tender? i dont know wht to say but i know this was written w summer of love intention. i know this in my heart. "scar-crossed lovers, forever" OKAY I KNOW !!! this song is DEVASTATING verse 2 is fucked UP and the bridge is too!!! "closed my eyes inside your darkness and found your glow"???? i cantr og on

~ so good right now

i can't really discern any particularly petekey lyrics in this one right away but the whole "i cut myself down to be whatever you need me to be" is pretty fucking wild

~ i am my own muse

there's some really sad lyrics in this one ab the whole future-not-going-as-planned thing that comes up so frequently in pete's writing but honestly the whole "let's twist the knife again, twist the knife again like we did last summer" thing made my head explode. every lover's got a lil dagger in their hands!!!

~ flu game

im not gonna sit here and type out ths whole fucking song but oh my GOD bro. this song to me is a really nice callback to pete's older style of lyricism but that comes with the self-deprecation and all the other really sad shit. it's beautiful! it's horrible! i love it!!! its about mikey i cant even pul out a few lyrics just LISTEN

~ baby annihilation

another fucked up one that literally anyone else in fob should have vetoed but OKAY?? "time is luck and i wish ours overlapped more or for longer" MAN SHUT UP. "self sabotage at best, under your spell/but you know what they say, if you want a job done right, you gotta do it yourself" ..........dude. if you're like me and you've poured over pete's oooold lj posts from the mid 2000s you already get it, but if you havent,,,go do it and get back to me bc this is TOO MUHC im unwell. "what is there between us if not a little annihilation?" i think i hauve covid

~ the kintsugi kid (ten years)

this song is really fucking sad actually. there's so much fear of being forgotten on this album and it's showcased really beautifully in this song,,,mayhaps not the most obviously petekey song but god damn

~ what a time to be alive

this song's about covid and quarantine n it's pretty easy on the whole suffering from a fling in 2005 thing! good job pete and fob

~ so much (for) stardust

this song is kinda suspicious but there's very few lines that really solidify it as a petekey song,,, altho "i think i've been going through it, and ive been putting your name through it" is a really interesting lyric. and OF COURSE, "in another life, you were my babe/in another life, you were the sunshine of my lifetime" happy xmas war is over

[notthecity]

So Much For Stardust: A Summary

Love From the Other Side: violinssss + WHAT WOULD YOU TRADE THE PAIN FOR. IM NOT SURE. + "i'll never go i just want to be invited" well that's just mean isn't it patrick 😢 Heartbreak Feels So Good: ah yes, defiantly nihilistic optimism, my favorite brand of fall out boy + we could CRY A LITTLE CRY A LOT!! + LOOOOOVE, OOOOOOOH, LOOOOOVE Hold Me Like A Grudge: THE BRIDGE AND PRECHORUS??? + the end of the world, the end of the world :D + part time soulmate, full time problem!!! + joe and andy are carrying the vibes, shoutout to them + Y O U P U T T H E F U N I N T O D Y S F U N C T I O N Fake Out: sad tiktok emo song guitars + nostalgic teen coming of age movie vibes all over + the lyrics here??? pete wrote his little heart out + love is iN tHe AiR Heaven, Iowa: immaculate vibes + SCAR. CROSSED. LOVEEEEEEERS FOREVEEEEEER + HALF THE LOOOOOOVE + the way things build up to the second chorus?? THE GUITARS??? + downdowndowndownDOWNDOWN So Good Right Now: man if only crippling depression was this fun all the time + oooooh oh oh woah + you need me to be you need me to be :D + just gives uuuup The Pink Seashell: i feel like i would get this interlude more if i had watched the movie but it has some cool orchestration going on, patrick went all in this album I Am My Own Muse: violins pt.2: electric boogaloo, now with brass instruments! + OOOOH gottothrowthisyearawaywegottothrowthisyearaway + *victoria justice voice* i think we're ALL trying to keep it together Flu Game: last night i dreamt i still. knew. YOOOOOUUUUU + ladadadaladadadaladada + energy injected right into the listener's veins!! i wanna break shit!!! + again on the lyrics, what the fuck pete how dare you speak to me this much + not the type beat outro Baby Annihilation: PETE POETRYYYYYY I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT PETE POETRY + "angel dust" *magic synth* + tension?? dissonance?? The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years): lowlowlowlowlow + TEN YEARRRRS + NOTHIIING. NOTHIIIING. NANANANANANANA + this song is essentially "hey we're all old now, here's a bit of how you used to feel at 13, now you're sad that you'll never be that happy again :)" like how is that fucking fair What A Time To Be Alive: this is soul punk 2020 "patrick screams in horror into a microphone about covid for three minutes" version. this is a soul punk song do not tell me otherwise + everything is here (except my serotonin 🤪) + aLIIIIIVE + to livestream the apocalypse + IVE GOT THE QUARANTINE BLUES BAD NEWS WHAT'S LEFT?? So Much (For) Stardust: PIANO???? ORCHESTRA???? + the little trumpets lmao + SO MUCH!!! FOR STARDUST!!! + thoughtwehaditaAaAaLl + THE CALLBACK. THE CALLBACK (but also nice eeaao reference lmao) + "i used to be a real go-getter, i used to think it'd all get better" ouch. ouch do not talk to me everything hurts

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Hey so. its been a while. I havent had a lot of energy these past few weeks and when I did I didnt really wanna spend that energy on this bad book series, but its the weekend and its been wayyyy too long and I need to finish ACOMAF before shit starts falling out of my sieve of a brain. As always, I am motivating myself with the prospect of contuining to work on a proshot of the takarazuka production elisabeth after this, the 2014 flower troupe one specifically ^-^ or maybe I'll watch a fucked up black and white movie from the 20s thats two and a half hours long, we'll see

Today we're reading chapter 53, the precursor to The most infamous chapter 54. Im not gonna lie, I kinda forgot most of what happened last time. There was a mate reveal, Rhysand was being really pathetic which made him hot to me for the first time in about 600 pages of me knowing him, Feyre was super pissed so they sent her to the mountain cabin to cool off a bit and paint, i think thats it

is it just me or is it kinda weird that Feyre is fantasizing about green grass and flowers and flowing rivers when the NC so far has been defined by being a very wintery place. Like yeah, obviously they have seasons in the solar courts but like, theres a lot of mountains which means a lot of snow, its the most nothern court etc

And Feyre didnt like winter in the first book because she associated it with bad times at the cabin so that makes sense but idk. I feel like if youre retconning her so much already you could easily wrie something about how she actually likes winter now that she has the power to withstand it or something but no, sure, have her fantasize about very spring-y weather in the book where the spring court gets demonized to hell and back why not

'[Rhysand] would give me the money for my shop, for what I was offering would cost nothing. Maybe I would sell my paintings to pay him back the money. Because I wanted to do that under any corcumstance, soulmates or not.' I was gonna write something snarky about Feyre in ACOSF but then it hit me that shes never going to have financial independance from Rhysand ever again and now Im just sad and anxious for her

(sry, im too lazy to translate this whole paragraph rn) '[Rhysand and I would do a bunch of fun stuff that couples do.] Never again someones slave or whore.' Its so wild to me that shes saying all this about the guy who made her his slave and whore MULTIPLE TIMES AT THIS POINT. like hey sarah, do you think your readers dont remember all that? do you think constantly calling back to it will make them forget somehow

Ive seen some people describe this book as gaslighting and honestly, its not even that its just lying. this story is just a bunch of lies that keep contradicting or otherwise disturbing eachother because the person telling it isnt even a good liar

Okayyyyy this chapter was a lot shorter than anticipated can you tell i dont plan these out at all but i dont feel like doing more than this and also while I was reading i got a really good idea for an Anastasia AU for a different fandom im in and I keep getting distracted and I wanna start working on it as soon as possible. And also, I'd like to be focused when I finally read that most infamous of chapters, thank you and good afternoon

[bengiyo]

Hi! I'm here for the ask game and ready for you to choose violence! I'm interested in questions #3, 12, 18, and 25. If you don't mind, I want to narrow these questions to BL only, unless you have a particularly violent non-BL answer that's too good not to share. I don't have any specific BLs in mind, but if a restriction like "only those that finished or will finish airing this year" or "not this year" is interesting or productive, have at it. Thanks!

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

I'm just gonna keep talking about La Pluie. I saw multiple reactions calling most of episode 8 boring. I am sorry, but if you came to the show interrogating the concept of soulmates and were bored because the two romantic leads said that they choose each other even if they aren't destined to be together, I think you are too jaded and need to take a break from romance.

Sincerely, it baffles me to see people engaging with genre stories and seemingly getting mad that a show is playing around with the conventions of the drama. The spoiler culture brain rot is destroying media literacy and it really makes me sad that it seems like we're chasing the high of something new and unexpected. This on the website of the people reading the same kind of fanfic for the umpteenth time to get their fix.

I just don't get going into romance and being mad that they're doing the big romance things in a show literally about big romance.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

I am going to interpret this to mean a character that the fandom doesn't like, and not just someone that folks don't know about. I could write about Uncle Man from 21 Days Theory, and I've already written about Framboise.

So I'm going to write about Korn from UWMA. Sometimes I will say on the podcast that "y'all don't like gay men when we're not pretty, funny, sexy, or entertaining." I have to suffer through comments about how Kao is a bad actor or that Korn sucks all the time, and both are wrong. Y'all just don't care about the stoic gay boys that try their damndest to pass and quietly suffer.

Korn is a tragic character because he was trying to be the man that he was expected to be, and then Intouch came along. He was harsh to Intouch throughout much of their romance because he knew what he was going to do. You can see the pain leaking out of that man's eyes the entire time. Intouch tried to save him. Hell, they brought Perth Tanapon to cry about their deaths to hammer home how sad the whole thing was.

It just makes me really sad sometimes around here that we're only ever going to get worked up about the loud and flamboyant characters, or the especially pretty and charming ones.

I am here for characters like Korn (UWMA), Mamoru (Kabe Koji), Shiro (WDYEY), Mitsuru (EY), Teh (IPYTM), Cairo (Gameboys), Shin (3WBF), Inthawut (180DLPTU), and many more.

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

Currently, I feel some kinda way about how people keep looking for reasons to hate Patts in La Pluie, as if his ideal partner signalling is somehow to be mistrusted. It's just a bit sad for me that folks seem determined to hate the lead in this.

I don't really ever get second lead syndrome that often, so everyone on the Lomfon-Tai train confuses me. Lomfon is RUDE, and I do not fuck with that boy.

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

Not a specific complaint, but I've said many times around here that I really hate when folks abuse the tools of criticism to say that they didn't like something. Y'all really don't need to pathologize why you don't like something and reach for flaws in the storytelling or production to justify why you don't like something.

We are a niche fandom. We are not seeing the huge sums of money poured into our productions that huge setpieces are going to get. Y'all need to show a little fucking grace to the creators bringing these things to us.

🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥

[figula]

ok im gonna just talk about it anyway :D

he announced earlier that next year he's gonna push me more, and i was like ? wat? why? and he was like i think we're both undersocialised atm and i was quite annoyed by this and also a bit hurt bc i feel like that's more untrue in the past 6 months thn it's been sice the pandemic (and maybe before - bc most of our friends now are people from discord we ended up becoming irl friends with)

maybe *you* feel undersocialised ben but *i* actually find basically all social activities something to endure rather than enjoy

also don't forget that ana is my soulmate and I feel very happy just hanging out with them and Ben

i feel like he has still this shark feeling of gotta keep moving or ill die :) like he is doing much better than he was from sept-nov but yeah i think he doesnt need to make that an Us problem lol like i dont share that feeling at all lol like if you want to do more things than i do you can do some stuff separately, and some stuff with me! as is normal!

i did feel quite frustratedand annoyed with the way he brought it up , which he did apologise for later bc he agreed we're doing the right things etc and he didnt really mean he wants to push me MORE just that he doesnt want to BACKSLIDE. which is fine i guess but it was a bit annoying to hear anyway bc i am not planningon going intoi a big isolationist hole

like the implication that next year some REAL change is gonna happen and totally ignoring the fact that we got married a few months ago (objectively the biggest social event either of us have ever done), that we hung out with Boops and yuka at an art installation, that we've had clare over a bunch of times, that we've had boops over, that he's done a few irl dnd sessions w/ lucas clare boops, that we've been ice skating a few times, that we've done escape rooms together, that we've done some family trips, we did that ceramics class, we've done a LOT of pokemon walks - all of this in teh past 2 or 3 months apart from the wedding - im just like god damn how much stuff do i have to do to satisfy you lol like i simply dont find the same kind of drive to Do Things that he has and I have still done all this shit REGARDLESS

i was also annoyed i think by the implication that he's the one who needs to push me when actually half of the above shit was my idea!!! the ice skating was me! the wedding was my idea! the escape rooms were my idea! i was the one who restarted teh pokemon go! i was the one who created the server in the first place, where he found his friends!!!! these are all my friends i let him share!!! i was the one who arranged the halloween party w/ boops and clare literally bc he was so sad i wanted to do something nice for him

i do read him charitably - as i legit think is important to do in all relationships with someone you like and respect on a very basic level lol - and i dont think he meant to suggest that im massively inadequate lmfao (i mean - i know he didnt) and he apologised for coming in too hard about stuff, and i know he's traumatised by covid (who isnt?) and is terrified of going back into that tiny world where it was just us and we didnt see anyone else for 2y. but that's not on the cards anyway so i felt a bit wrongfooted by the whole talk

also i was so cross i went mute and under my blankets until he sort of to put it bluntly fucked me back into communication lmfao !! me hissing "im cross with you" while he was actively fucking me </3 looool (this is 100%% fine by the way, just for the record, i was way less annopyed by the sex than the conversation, the sex cheered me up even and it was the right move)

anyway whatever. i think we're actually on the same page in terms of not wanting a particularly quiet 2024 (we're planning on going to Iceland in the winter and also there will be a chess meetup abroad somewhere) so we move. i was just annoyed by how he framed it but he did apologise anyway and i know he didnt really mean anything!! but it was annoying lol like omg I try sooo hard. so fucking hard!!!

ETA: fucking. also. he wasn't even making ANY comment on this stuff and he's fully been my biggest cheerleader lol but I've also been so busy work-wise (my "chess career" is reaching new heights after all) and taking care of him these past few months and doing my doll job as well I think I just want someone to be like omg cham you are actually soooo impressive I'm soooo obsessed with you !!! don't worry you don't need to find anything else inside you you are doing sooooo well!!! (Ben is actually usually like this but I want him to say it now as well) like I've been working on job stuff AS WELL AS doing loads more shit with him lately and I feel like I should get extra credit for that

all this to say that this would be a good time to send me a message with how great you think i am. lol

[craby-bouquet]

Warm Winter Promptlist

We're back with a new Warm Winters!

I started this series in 2019 to fight winter blues with fluff! You can find the whole Warm Winters series here!

You can find the prompts under the cut. So...

Send me a Seventeen or BTS member and 1 or 2 prompts and I will write a short, fluffy story using your prompts and your man!!

Warm winters 2023-2024

1 "Take mine, I don't need it anyway."

2 "You're cold, aren't you?"

3  "There's… only one bed."

4 "Your love will keep me warm."

5 "Those lights are beautiful there."

6 "You bought me a present? I thought we weren't gonna do presents this year."

7 "no I won't be your fake partner to your office Christmas party, don't you remember what happened last time!?"

8 "Don't lie. You hate it."

9 ""You've been laying on my arm all night and I can't feel it."

10 "Yeah so, funny story, I actually thought you would maybe give me a new years kiss? But I guess not, which is fine! Don't worry. I didn't really care anyway." 

11 "...Wow. You look like a princess."

12 "Dance with me."

13 "I… I didn't know you could play the piano."

14 "Do you wanna build a snowman?"

15 "Sing for me?"

16 "It'll be a blue Christmas without you."

17 "I miss you."

18 "All I want for Christmas is you."

19 "I really can't stay."

20 "Baby it's cold outside."

21 "That's a tad too optimistic for me."

22 "Why are you awake right now?"

23 "Wake up! Please wake up! It snowed!"

24 "Is there a reason you're blushing right now?" 

25 "Have you seen my hoodie? You know that one with the blue stripe in the… Wait, you're wearing it, aren't you?"

26 "Are we on a date right now?" "No. We're snowed in." "Ah… so it is a date then?"

27 "I'm not blushing, I'm just cold -or warm. or… whatever. But I'm not blushing."

28 "I think I'm in love with you."

29 "You want hot chocolate?"

30 "The moon sure does look beautiful tonight."

31 "All I do is drink hot drinks and say bad words."

32 "Your feet are so cold!" 

33 "I'm too sober for this."

34 "Wow! I didn't know you could sing."

35 "We'd both warm up faster if we would take off our clothes." "Fuck off."

36 "A water fight? Are you crazy? It's way too cold for that."

37 "I'm the reason you got sick in the first place. So yes, I am indeed going to take care of you."

38 "Can you put on anything other than the Spotify Christmas playlist? I'm sick of it."

39 "It's January! Why are you still listening to Mariah Carey?"

40 "So… valentines is coming up…"

41 "Santa left a lot of presents this year."

42 "Wow, I asked for you, and I actually got you. That Santa guy really is amazing."

43 "I don't want that, I just want to finish my book."

44 "I wanted to say 'I love you' for the first time on Christmas Eve…  but I guess you were a step ahead of me."

45 "Tell me that when you're sober."

46 "Who thought I'd find my soulmate on new years eve?"

47 "You've been giving me bedroom eyes for the last half hour."

48 "“All I want is to sleep by your side.”

49 “I didn’t get soaking wet and ice cold by walking to your house for you to say no to pizza. I have beer too. I know you’re sad, so let me in.”

50 "I missed you."

51 "Are you trying to seduce me?"

52 "How can even still see out of your glasses? They're so dirty!"

53 "I always wanted a Christmas wedding."

54 "Kiss me."

55 "I'll cry." "Is that meant to be a threat?"

56 "That's starting to get on my nerves."

57 "Okay, answer me honestly. Are you, or are you not, Satan himself?"

58 "How can you not like christmas?"

59 "Will you marry me?"

60 "is... Is that a mistletoe? Now that's good timing"

61 "You should have told me sooner."

62 "That might actually be the best present I ever got."

63 "I didn't know you could play the piano."

64 "Are you seriously wearing a donkey onesie?"

65 "no I'm not drunk and yes that was a serious question!"

66 "Wait! Hold that thought! I really, really need to pee. Be right back."

67 “Are you an angel?”

68 "I hope our baby looks like you." 

69 "Don't be so gentle. You can hug me tighter y'know- I'm not going to pop or anything."

70 "I'll run you a nice, warm bath." "Excuse me? Why don't you run us a bath? I'm not gonna bathe by myself, that's boring."

71 ""Happy Valentine's Day"

72 "This is not what I meant when I told you to fall for me."

73 "Who would have thought I would find my soulmate on new years eve?"

74 "Your nose is so red, you look like Rudolph. Are you sure you're okay?"

75 "Look, it's a full moon tonight."

76 "I know we're engaged but I'm so in love with you."

77 "You outshine the stars."

78 "Did you mean that romantically this whole time?"

79 "Look, The blossom is coming through already."

80 "You made it."

masterlist | warm winter masterlist

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

this one's going to be sad.... i recently found out that the girl i have a crush on has a husband. it's far from the first time i've had one sided feelings but this time.. i really thought there could be something there. we are both 23 and i have never dated anyone and i am a socially awkward lesbian living in a very homophobic country and logically i have accepted that i most likely never will get to experience romance but emotionally.... other people my age are at a completely different stage of life and i have been stuck in one place and i will keep falling behind more and more and it's not fucking fair. i know i need to get over her but we work together so i can't really avoid her and when i see her it's like nothing else exists.

Nooo dont be sad, i'm sorry to hear about the place you are living & how it restricts u thats very heartbreaking, but i can see hope in it ToT.... 23 is soooo young 23 is like a baby still Ahhh!! i was so differentt and Confused at 23, everyone is, but we all feel like we're supposed to be a more "adequate" adult by that point, you feel old.. Ur not old at all tho ur in the heat of it at that age definitely a turning point for many ppl where it bcomes harder to deny their true selves.

U still have a lot of time to find romance <3 especially for lgbtq i think youth can be so punishing but life really begins to bloom once ur in late 20s/30s. everyone starts to loosen up a bit. And as for the girl you work with, who knows how she feels about her marriage, you know? they could end up breaking up, 23 is rly young to be married. try to just b a kind & noble friend to her with no expectations, and see how life unfolds. u could meet ur soulmate thru her somehow. crazier things happn! Just dont give up hope on finding love OK T_T your future self will look back at this moment and laugh about how u never saw it coming. Promise!!!! happy Vday anon thanku for this <3